Unbox Yourself: Recent Episodes
Shivali Beakta
Have you ever been told to be yourself.. Just be yourself. Or worse… be confident! I have found this advice hard to decode. What does it mean to be yourself? How does one be themselves? Also where does confidence come from and how do I get more of it?
These questions have been the source of my frustration and also of my curious attention for many years. I have been on a decade long journey of trials and errors to find answer to the question - How to be yourself and show up with confidence - organically, authentically and unapologetically.
Whether you are someone whose confidence feels shaken up (like it was for me and still happens from time to time) or someone feeling lost (which I was for sometime too) or someone just looking to find their power and own their world, this is the show for you! So pull up a chair and get comfortable. I can’t wait to take this journey along with you!
Do you believe you can work less and accomplish more?
Many of us (including me) believe in hustling hard to achieve more. One cannot achieve their goals working less. The truth is it is doable. Our guest today, Milena Regos, has done it. Her pursuit of living better and with more mindfulness lead to the creation of Unhustle, an organization that offers a counterintuitive approach to how we live, work and play that leads to increased well-being, presence and performance.
Key Talking Points of the Episode:
[01:57] Milena’s journey to becoming an entrepreneur
[04:19] neuroscience angle to work less accomplished more
[06:20] Understanding internal hustle
[09:52] From hustle to flow
[20:00] Mindfulness practices that have helped Milena get into her current lifestyle
[22:41] Comparing and contrasting Milena’s life before quitting her marketing job, during the hustle period, and now in her current state
[27:48] Slowing down is not lazy
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
“Flow is being fully present, fully engaged with the activity you’re doing.”
“Putting your well-being first allows you to tap into flow more frequently.”
“Everything extends to the amount of time you give it.”
“The only way we’re designed to move through our days is from a place of mindfulness.”
Connect with Milena Regos:
Website: https://unhustle.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/milenaregos/
If you’re like me, you too have wondered whether it’s THAT important to create a personal brand in today’s times. There’s a huge hype around it, yes; but is it worth all the talking?
Turns out, it is. My guest for today’s episode, Cressida Hamilton, gets into the details of personal branding, including the importance of staying authentic, understanding yourself before understanding your brand, upholding and enforcing your values, and gaining internal clarity before adventing on the journey to establishing your own brand. Listen in!
About Cressida
Cressida Hamilton is the founder and CEO of Chryse Coaching LTD, a company that specializes in coaching, mentoring and training.
The episode in a nutshell:
[00:10] Meet Cressida Hamilton
[01:33] What is a personal brand and why do we care about creating one?
[04:31] Why personal branding is a journey of discovery
[05:31] Why we tend to worry so much about what others think of us
[06:45] What makes up a personal brand?
[10:51] Is having clarity on who you are a prerequisite for building a personal brand or does your personal brand evolve over time?
[12:49] Being yourself is the first step to establishing your personal brand.
[15:27] Strategies to create a powerful personal brand.
[15:44] Values are a key component to understanding your brand.
[17:48] The power of writing down your values
[18:04] Throwing away a value is like making yourself a coffee in the morning.
[20:21] How has having a personal brand helped Cressida navigate her way in her career?
[22:26] How to take back control of your own career.
[24:25] Your brand is a business: Training yourself to think about your brand as if you were running your business.
[28:32] How you can connect with Cressida
Connect with Cressida
Website - https://chrysecoaching.com
Connect with me:
TikTok
What does stress do to your body? Can you do anything to reduce it? How does stress cause leadership errors at all levels? What does stress have to do with resilience?
And finally, how do we regulate our stress levels to be our most productive selves at any point in time?
We’re finding answers to all that and more in today’s episode. Sue Firth, my guest for this episode, gets into the vast array of symptoms and characteristics shown by those affected by constant mental stress, the role of adrenal glands and adrenal fatigue, how different body hormones like cortisol, dopamine, and serotonin work together, and how to practice physical movement to bring down your stress levels at any point.
About Sue
Sue Firth is a psychologist, stress expert and a leading authority on ‘stress and managing change’.
The episode in a nutshell:
[00:13] Meet Sue Firth
[02:03] Critical errors leaders make when trying to overcome adversity.
[04:40] Adrenals are not made in the brain, it’s triggered by your perception of an event that is in your brain.
[05:55] The importance of staying calm in controlling the adrenals
[07:30] Why, as primitive humans, we weren’t equipped to deal with the physical manifestation of a threat, and how adrenals were produced during a threat
[08:50] Managing stress and sleep as a leader.
[09:17] Physical body responses to stress.
[10:38] Understanding and managing stress: regulating cortisol levels.
[13:15] How to help dissipate cortisol from your body: easy and accessible ways.
[16:29] The role of dopamine and serotonin in the body and how hormones work together all the time.
[19:22] If you are happy, you are not stressed. If your productivity is affected, your enjoyment is affected.
[22:10] The circadian rhythm of the body
[24:35] How to create an ideal day that works for you.
[29:07] How you can connect with Sue
Connect with Sue
Website - https://suefirthltd.com
Connect with me:
TikTok
A professor at a prestigious research institution. Exceptional academic soundness – a Master’s and a PhD. An invitation for a mentoring award at the White House. Married. How does that all add up for a life as a regular human?
An awe-inducing life of tremendous accomplishments and worth, isn’t it? But can you imagine, submerged in these achievements and worldly appreciations, could lie a lost soul, struggling to find her true worth? That’s Lisa Pruitt, an unbelievably talented researcher, author, and teacher, and my guest for today’s episode. She joins me in this episode to reveal why, despite so much academic recognition, she had to battle her internal demons to know her worth, and how, in spite of the challenges, she took charge of her life, first by filing for divorce from a strained marriage to unlocking the secret toolbox to her real self.
About Lisa
Lisa Pruitt is an adventurer and the host of The Modern Adventurer Podcast, where he connects people from different worlds through stories.
The episode in a nutshell:
[00:00] Meet Lisa Pruitt
[02:06] Finding a sense of worth in academic recognition yet struggling to find that worth internally.
[04:47] How alcohol and food became Lisa’s way to cope with disconnection.
[06:41] How it was for Lisa when on the outside, everything seemed normal; but on the inside, she was falling apart
[08:51] How did Lisa make the connection between self-worth and outcome?
[10:38] Life before the epiphany
[12:31] Facing and healing the uncomfortable bits of your life’s journey
[14:00] How divorce looked like as someone belonging to a family that didn’t believe in divorce.
[15:38] Getting on the self-healing journey
[16:44] Vulnerability – showing the weak part of yourself to others.
[18:18] When you speak the words or use your body language in a way that resonates with your true heart callings, your real self is in alignment with the life you’re living.
[21:09] What does it mean to be authentic? What does self-love mean? What is forgiveness?
[23:04] You can’t love someone else until you can love yourself first.
[25:09] Advice to people feeling lost and struggling with finding their worth
[26:52] How to connect with Lisa
Connect with Lisa
Website - https://lisaapruitt.com
Connect with me:
TikTok
A desire to discover people and communities in the most unique way led a regular person on a heart-stopping adventure: a month-long cycling journey from London to Asia in a total of 27 marathons. John Horsfall’s most talked about adventure rewrites the definitions of success and failure, possibility and impossibility, and teaches the world to experience every bit of life they’re blessed to live.
The trigger to do something remarkably big sparked him long back – in 2011 – post-graduation when he felt empty despite having achieved something. He still wanted to prove himself – to himself. That’s when he stumbled on the idea of cycling across America from New York to San Francisco, seeding the idea of cycling as a way to connect with the world. John sits with Shivali to discuss the adventures his cycling journey has taken him on, the lessons learned, the stories told, and the new plans for the future he wishes to check.
About John
John Horsfall is an adventurer and the host of The Modern Adventurer Podcast, where he connects people from different worlds through stories.
The episode in a nutshell:
[00:00] Meet John Horsfall
[01:29] What triggered the idea of conducting 27 marathons in a month cycling from London?
[04:02] What he discovered about himself during the trip.
[06:58] Discovering the real people in America.
[08:58] The discoveries made about self-discipline and drive through the journey
[10:59] Taking it day by day in the middle of the Nevada desert and going forward despite it being hard to push through the days
[13:20] How has John’s definition of success and failure changed through the experience?
[15:39] What was the inspiration for the 27 marathons in 30 days?
[17:59] Being introduced to his family that he didn’t even know existed on his first night in Kenya
[21:01] Going with the flow to experience surprises and life lessons as they come
[22:26] Key takeaways from John’s trip for you: Enjoy life, take a step back from the hubbub, pause, reflect, be present, live.
[24:17] John’s next life adventure
[25:13] Connect with John
Connect with John
Website - https://www.zibaadventures.com/
Connect with me:
TikTok
We all have high ambitions – wanting to live our best lives, working for what we love, and whatnot. Our minds constantly live those dreams forever waiting to take off – until – the effort seems too much to put in and you start to feel like you’re in a losing battle.
If that's the case, then I'm here to help. To help you keep your mind away from giving up, from thinking it's not worth the extra effort. And to help me out, I have Randy Hain, Founder of Serviam Partners, on the show. His undefeatable love for coaching and writing led him to leave the luxury of C-suite executive level jobs to start his own business, a job he not only enjoys doing, but is also skilled at. Stay tuned to Unbox Yourself today as he gives away lessons from his inspiring journey: his powerful “Rule of 15” to get your head around starting something you’ve wanted to for a long time, creating a trusted circle of advisers for yourself, and staying on track with your dreams even when your ambition turns into frustration.
About Randy Hain
Randy Hain is the founder and president of Serviam Partners, and co-founder of Leadership Foundry. With a successful 30-plus year career in senior leadership roles, corporate talent and executive search, he is a sought-after executive coach for senior leaders at some of the best known companies. He is also an award-winning author of nine books, including his brand new book, Upon Reflection: Helpful Insights and Timeless Lessons For The Busy Professional.
The episode in a nutshell:
[00:14] Meet Randy
[02:07] Randy’s first job as an Operations Leader with a national retailer + meeting his wife there
[04:30] How to summon the courage to do what you love + how Randy discovered his love for writing books
[07:33] Was it a slower transition from going into setting up his own business or was it like flipping a switch day zero?
[09:39] Finding work that you can fall in love with.
[15:13] LinkedIn as the “rolodex” for networking for functioning introverts
[17:22] The “Rule of 15” – the 15 most important stakeholders in your network
[20:02] How do we set boundaries while still being giving?
[22:18] Don’t sacrifice your authenticity for the sake of a relationship where you’re pretending.
[24:18] What advice would Randy have for a young professional who is hitting the wall professionally, with their ambition turning into frustration?
[26:16] Where to find Randy and his books online
Connect with Randy
Website - https://www.serviampartners.com/
Connect with me:
TikTok
Parenting two young kids, a demanding job, and a fearful and mentally torturous marriage that luckily ended in a divorce: Rosie had too much on her plate when she decided to finally take charge of her almost-shattered life.
In the process of reinventing her life on both the personal and professional front, she learned significant life lessons: the most important ones being never holding yourself back from advancing in your career and advocating for yourself at all times. She also learned the importance of opening up with your family about the issues concerning you. To know more about her inspiring journey and her passion for empowering other women, sit back with me on this episode of Unbox Yourself!
About Rosie Zilinskas
Rosie Zilinskas is a podcast host, corporate career strategist, best-selling author, keynote speaker, and corporate trainer. With over 30 years of experience as a corporate veteran, her mission is to eradicate the gender gap in the corporate world by empowering women in their career development.
The episode in a nutshell:
[00:19] Meet Rosie
[01:39] Rosie’s journey from domestic abuse to finding her way out of it and toward a more empowered future
[04:11] “I grabbed my two little kids and fled.” Gaining the courage to stand up for herself and her children in tough times.
[07:01] What are some of the lessons Rosie learned from her debilitating experience?
[09:38] What has the process been like to pivot Rosie’s view of life after it had fallen apart?
[14:50] How to advocate for yourself at work
[17:54] What’s a good way to balance networking and mentoring?
[20:42] How to use your inner circle to uncover your own blind spots
[23:30] Advice for young female professionals juggling work and life
Connect with Rosie
Website: https://www.nowomanleftbehind.com/
Connect with me:
TikTok
Humans fall in love, and that's the wonder of it all. To love is to open up your heart to another person, and share your life with them. But what leads us to fall in love? And how do we find our identity through love?
In this episode of Unbox Yourself, I sit with Aaron, a professor of marketing and a research psychologist at the University of Michigan Dearborn, about the intricacies of love: how it evolved, the role it played in our evolution, the aspects that determine the kind of love we have for someone, the changes it brings in us, the identities it helps us create about others, and whether the powerful emotion can help us create a brand people would fall in love with.
About Dr. Aaron Ahuvia
Dr. Aaron Ahuvia is a professor of marketing and a research psychologist at the University of Michigan. He's been ranked in the top 2% of researchers in his field and his work has been featured in major media including Time, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Apple News, New York Times, NPR, and The Oprah Winfrey Show. He is an author of Psychology Today's blog called Peace, Love and Happiness. And most recently, he's the author of The Things We Love: How Our Passion Connects Us And Makes Us Who We Are.
The episode in a nutshell:
[00:13] Meet Aaron
[01:51] How do we fall in love? What role did love play in our evolution? How do we create an identity for ourselves through love?
[02:01] What does love look like in the animal kingdom?
[04:41] How love evolved out of the need for survival
[07:07] Human life as a team sport
[04:54] Why love is the most powerful motivation in evolution
[07:37] What’s happening when people fall in love with a mate?
[13:14] The early stages of love are driven by hormones oxytocin and hormones.
[15:52] What happens when you’re in a relationship with someone and you see yourself reflected in them?
[18:19] Why you can’t read other people’s minds
[23:43] Love and Marketing: Is there a way to create a brand people fall in love with?
[26:34] How do you get your brain to love something?
[31:46] Where can you find Aaron online?
Connect with Dr. Aaron Ahuvia
Website: http://thethingswelove.com/
Connect with me:
TikTok
Are you feeling stressed today? Fortunately, our guest today will show us how to manage stress to lead better lives. We will discuss types of stress and practical strategies to deal with overwhelm.
Key Milestones of the Episode:
[01:56] What is stress, and what are some of the early indicators of stress?
[04:04] Positive versus negative stress
[07:20] How to manage stress; three steps for conquering overwhelm
[13:09] Should thoughts
[17:05] Perfectionism thoughts
[21:30] People-pleasing thoughts
[29:36] Managing stress in the present moment
[33:53] Self-compassion
Meet Dr. Leslie Bosch!
Lesley Bosch, a developmental psychologist, and a national board-certified health and wellness coach, Dr. Leslie helps high-achieving women activate new levels of vibrancy so they can thrive despite challenges. She helps her clients focus on skills such as self-care, letting go of things that no longer serve them, and fueling their efforts with positive emotions and self-kindness.
Connect with Leslie:
Website: https://boschintegrativewellness.com/
Connect with me:
TikTok
Have you ever experienced career burnout? I know many of you may think that you haven’t but the trust is that we do not fully understand the signs of career burnout. In this episode we talk about burnout but also what the future of career looks like and how our guest was able to turn career burnout and turn that into a satisfying transformation.
Key Milestones of the Episode:
[01:51] Anna's career transition from Fintech to content marketing and journalism
[05:21] What does career burnout look like?
[08:33] Anna's experience starting from scratch
[09:31] Anna's most significant lesson from being a beginner
[10:20] The power of taking time to learn
[11:23] What's the future of careers?
[12:13] Anna's portfolio career
[13:38] Has Anna's portfolio career helped her deal with career burnout?
[16:15] Reduce, recycle, and reuse
[18:17] Advantages of a portfolio career
[22:44] Anna's advice for anyone starting to feel career burnout but afraid to start again?
Meet Anna!
Anna is a former product manager turned content marketer and workflow consultant. She's an account manager at a content marketing agency called campfire labs, a freelance writer, and a journalist. She also helps freelancers and creators improve their workflow through automation.
Connect with Anna
Connect with me:
TikTok
When we talk about productivity, what comes to your mind? Are you like me, who thinks it’s about getting a lot done? According to my guest, Monique Lindner, productivity results from focus. She further elaborates that FOCUS is an acronym for following one course until success. Monique insists that if we need to be productive, we must master the art of focusing. Turn off all the distractions around you and fully concentrate on the task.
Key Milestones from the Episode:
[01:32] Getting to know Monique the time Alchemy and what her journey has been
[03:03] What is burnout, and what are the early signs of a burnout
[09:07] The importance of psychological safety
[10:23] Early signs of burnout
[12:28] Can burnout lead to a health issue?
[14:47] We are not machines!
[17:00] What is productivity?
[23:06] How to be more productive and reduce chances of a burnout
[25:53] How to use circadian rhythm to be more productive
[30:11] Key takeaway from the episode
Meet Monique!
Monique Lindner calls herself the time Alchemist. She is on a mission to coach and teach people how to transform time into freedom.
Connect with Monique:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themoniquelindner/
Website: https://thetimealchemist.co/
Connect with me:
TikTok
Do you know that journaling can change your life?
You might think how the faint act of capturing your thoughts on a piece of paper can have transformational benefits. I wondered so too. But with all personal development gurus, influencers, and thought leaders emphasizing the power of journaling, I can decipher why it is worth the hype.
I started journaling in 2017 to bring up unresolved issues, imperfections, hurt, pain, and basically all of my hidden emotions to the surface and gain closure with them. I did so because I had no one to listen to me then.
But as it turns out, though writing as such did not make me happy, it opened me up to my inner world. It was as if I was standing in front of a mirror and slowly unfolding the layers of my existence.
I’m talking about the power of this beautiful practice in today’s episode using scientific evidence and my personal experience.
Points to ponder upon:
In a 2006 study, nearly 100 adults were asked to spend 15 minutes journaling about a stressful event or writing about their plans for their days twice a week. The results showed that the people who journaled saw the most significant reduction in the symptoms of depression and anxiety. Note that 80% of the people had rarely journaled before.
Journaling helps you process your pain and trauma.
Journaling helps you find meaning in situations that seem unfair and untimely.
Resources Mentioned:
- Parenting From Inside Out by Dr. Daniel Siegel
Connect with me:
TikTok
The quality of your relationships has a major impact on your life. Rupturing, unhealthy relationships have a more profound impact on our lives than we possibly ever think of.
But as with everything else in life, even relationships cannot be perfect all the time. They too are likely to have disappointments.
So how do we mend our relationships when they seem to be slipping away? In one of her Twitter posts, Esther Perel said it's all about connection-disconnection-repair, the cycle of a relationship.
Listen to this episode to explore the nuances of a relationship and learn simple ways to repair any disconnect that happens at any point.
You'll learn:
Unrepaired relationships rupture over and over again if you don't try to mend them.
Disconnection occurs in moments of conflict, often when those conflicts reflect back to us our imperfect selves.
Repair isn't the same as giving in or compromising. It is simply about reestablishing connection, dropping the armor, lowering our defenses, and meeting each other at the bridge that connects us.
What can we do to give ourselves the best chance for repair in a relationship?
- First, when you are disconnected, ruptured, or hurting, it's tempting to hurt back and say something mean. But as often as possible, we could pause and create a gap between impulse and response to solve our issues.
- Second, while hurting on the outside, hurt and rupture on the inside must stop or at least slow down. Slow down and learn to create that separation.
- Third, be the first one to reconnect and be willing to accept rejection.
Resources Mentioned:
- TED Talk by Rob Waldinger
Connect with me:
TikTok
This episode is dedicated to a special someone who asked me why, if true, love fades away.
You may recollect the times in love when the sparks are bright. When madly in love, you know you're ecstatic. But could this feeling ever fade away? Can two people in love drift apart over time?
Whether or not it could is an answer you must discover for yourself in this episode.
Nonetheless, falling in love is a sign that a spark does exist within us. It's an invitation to find the hole in our soul and fill it with love, care, understanding, and all healthy emotions. If love does fade away, it's because you're looking for love outside you when it lies entirely inside you.
Listen in to explore my subtly nuanced understanding of love and learn to rekindle your love for yourself if you seem to have lost it at all.
Some things to remember:
What you seek in someone else is what you secretly desire for yourself.
When you've found your spark and have met someone who has found theirs, your mutual love is explosive.
Look for the love inside you. Love comes from within you and lies in you.
Love fades away because you forget to be there for yourself fully and unconditionally.
Love is ever-present. It doesn't just come and go.
We all have different ways of feeling and expressing love. It could be something as simple as making ourselves a cup of chai in the morning or texting someone in the middle of the night.
Connect with me:
TikTok
Putting yourself out there in the world comes with its set of risks. In relationships or even work of any kind, we could get our hearts broken. It's inevitable.
I was pondering over this when the idea of turning this into a podcast came to me. I did some deep thinking into why heartbreaks hurt so much. Shouldn't you be able to control your pain because your sane mind knows somewhere deep inside that it will happen one day anyway? Is there really a way to get over them?
Welcome to another episode of Unbox Yourself. Today, I'm going into length about heartbreaks – what causes them and how to get out of the pain caused by them. So, if you're shaken or have been shaken in the past by a heartbreak, today's episode would illuminate ways of recovering from it.
The episode in a nutshell:
Why do heartbreaks hurt?
- Brain chemistry: When we're in love, we're not in love with just a person, but maybe an idea, a place, or an experience. The feeling of love floods our brains with the feel-good neurochemicals dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine is responsible for the sense of pleasure and reward. Serotonin, on the other hand, is responsible for happiness and well-being. So when we get our hearts broken, the feel-good hormones take a hit too.
- Evolution and anthropology: We experience what's called social pain post a heartbreak episode. That kind of pain arises from rejection, loss, or being cut off or distanced. Social pain lights up the area of the brain that physical pain does.
- The models of human needs: Heartbreak has an impact on the six human needs as in Tony Robbins' stated model: the need for certainty, the need for uncertainty, the need for significance, the need for connection or love, the need for growth, and the need for contribution.
What can you do about heartbreaks and the associated pain?
- Heartbreaks have no remedy. You cannot make the pain go away, but you can definitely distract yourself from it. The first way to go about it is not to ignore it. Stop running away from it. Instead, feel it. Make room for your uncomfortable emotions.
Connect with me:
TikTok
Most of us constantly compare our lives with those of others or vice versa. The sad part about it is partly the sense of depletion that follows. Plus anxiety. And reduced self-worth. To put it simply, there are a lot of ways it affects us.
But what makes us all so naturally judgy? Does it have anything to do with our social needs? Or our upbringing?
Even if yes, what can we do to get out of such a mindset?
That’s what we’re getting into in this episode of Unbox Yourself. Listen in as I talk to you about the reasons behind our habit of just plain comparison and judgment and how to get out of it.
The episode in a nutshell:
Why do we judge and compare? It is explained by three things: Our evolution, behavior, and the working of the brain.
- Evolution: We’re all social beings. Our evolution has taught us how important it has been for us to be a part of a trustworthy tribe or a group. Filtering people meant we had to make assumptions about them – compare them, judge them. That’s how it has been for so long.
- Learned behavior: We experience the world through others in the way we're taught to. We become who we spend most of our time with.
- Brain: Our brain has been wired for such things too – judgment and comparison are a part of it. We are hardwired to follow the path of least resistance, which means that once we start to judge and compare, it becomes hard to stop doing that.
How do you stop being judgemental?
- Be secure in yourself and your story. Be compassionate and extend that compassion and understanding to others to be inspired.
- Observe, suit, and redirect when you catch yourself or someone else feeling terrible because of judgments and comparisons. Use the opportunity to think about what you want and why you want it.
Connect with me:
TikTok
The world – as you see it today – is filtered by your personalized lens of perception. It is based on this lens that we weave our stories. You tell your story repeatedly, and before you know it, it's a cycle. The more you loop through it, the stronger your story gets.
But what is that lens made of? Your beliefs. Your beliefs are what help you make sense of the world. In today's episode of Unbox Yourself, I talk to you about the formation of your primary beliefs and how to mend them if they're unhealthy. I will also discuss Dr. Albert Ellis' ABC model – a common cognitive behavioral therapy technique that explains your belief system and its triggers and foundational traits.
The episode in a nutshell:
Learning to see and experience the world starts early in childhood, and we learn it from our primary caregivers. A lot of our beliefs are hence molded by the nature of our attachment to them, our experiences at that time, and the world we're exposed to then.
The ABC model relies on the link between our beliefs, perception and responses. In order to change our responses and behaviors, we don't have to address the behaviors; we must instead address the underlying beliefs.
How to fix your beliefs:
- Have a regular self-reflection time. Think about the happenings of the day, how they made you feel, whether or not they bothered you, and if yes, by how much? Think if you've been happy or sad. Reflect on your experiences. Journaling long walks, and meditation is good ways to connect with yourself on a deeper level.
- Create and practice affirmations. Repetition rewires the subconscious. That is why they are so powerful. Repetitively writing, listening, and talking out loud your positive thoughts can help rewire the brain. Reinstate the new belief in yourself by affirming that every day.
- Count back to 10 or take 5 deep breaths before acting on a situation. Allow your brain to get out of autopilot.
Have you noticed how our internal wiring often makes us 'react' to situations rather than 'respond'? It comes naturally to us – we're all inherently reactive. It takes conscious effort to replace that feeling with mindfulness and analysis. Learning to 'respond' is a skill we all must master. It uncomplicates life a lot.
But have you ever thought about where our ‘reactive’ nature comes from? I was ruminating over this question and reading Chimp Paradox by Dr. Steven Peters when I decided to discuss it with you. Turns out, there are two reasons our primal brain tends to predominantly be reactive:
- We were all hunter-gatherers in the past with a singular focus: to survive. We had to be careful at every step of our way, meaning every noise, reaction, or step had to be taken quickly and safely. That fight or flight state has possibly stayed with us through the years, resulting in our brain's' reactive' nature even today.
- We're probably unaware of how the past has shaped us or how we've internalized vital events and interactions in our lives. But the past often becomes a predictor of the present and the future. That means we often unknowingly live on autopilot and have no control over our lives. Also, since our brain remembers negative events and feelings more clearly and easily than positive ones, it's possible that the risky, embarrassing, or uncomfortable times stayed with us through the years, forcing us to switch into our reactive selves all the time.
Simply put, it isn't easy choosing ease and positivity as humans. It takes work and that needs to be done. Here are some ways to achieve that – Tune in to this episode to hear me talk to you about them in detail!:
One, determine if you're reacting or responding. Heightened emotions, an increased heart rate, tense body, and heavy head are all signs your body is reacting to something. A response to any situation is often calm and relaxed. There's no feeling of risk or danger associated with it.
Two, self-soothe. If you're not under any real threat or danger, then find a way to turn off the get out of the reactive state. Breathwork, writing, and meeting family and friends who can have a positive influence on you, can help you a lot in this case. Do whatever you can mindfully to bring yourself back into your normal state.
Three, when your emotions come down a bit, have a conversation with yourself. Ask yourself – What happened? What is coming up for me? What do I want to do? Why do I want to do that? Self-soothing helps fix your inner self so you can get a broader perspective of what lies ahead. Have a conversation with yourself and understand how to go about a situation carefully.
"You will not belong anywhere, till you belong to yourself."
Human beings are social creatures, and that's why we are always looking to fit in, and sometimes, in the spirit of fitting in, we make mistakes. We try tribe from the outside instead of doing it from the inside.
Human beings are social animals. We evolved and survived because we learned how to work in social groups. When born, a human baby needs a lot of care and help to become independent. According to the still face experiment, which was published in 1975. By Dr Edward Tronic. Of UMass. In this experiment, he has a mother looking at her infant baby with an expressionless face and not responding to the baby's verbal and nonverbal cues. The baby goes from smiling and laughing to crying and visibly distressed. The same thing happens to adults. We are always looking to connect, and when a connection fails, we get into social pain.
In this episode, we will look at how we can belong to ourselves, choose our tribe better and what social pain entails.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
To belong anywhere else, you need to belong to yourself first.
If we choose our tribe from the outside, we will always get it wrong
Our failed attempts to connect or getting rejected cause us social pain
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
"You will not belong anywhere, till you belong to yourself."
"Popular may seem desirable but it is hardly the case. Don't be fooled by appearances."
"Self-Compassion is the key, especially learning to use language that is non-judgmental, not harsh at all towards ourselves."
"You are on a journey; you are figuring things out. The process of figuring things out is messy at times but extremely insightful as well."
"Unless you know how to belong to yourself unless you give yourself home within you? No one can give you that from the outside."
How many times have you been told, “be yourself?”
Can you count the many times you ask yourself, “Who am I?”
I have been into multiple rabbit holes trying to find answers to the question, “who am I?” There are different narratives of the definition of self. According to the historical narrative, the human species dominated over other species because of our ability to cooperate flexibly in large numbers. That was accomplished by creating the imagined reality.
According to the modern psychological narrative, self is what’s contained within us. Self that emerges through connection and belonging to others has been passed down to us through genetics.
The Spiritual narrative dictates that I’m the universe, and the universe is me. This idea suggests that we exist across dimensions. In the state of connection, we’re not alone in our existence.
Listen in as I break down these narratives.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- The human species dominated other species through cooperation.
- There are different narratives to who we are, and they all add flavor to who we are.
- According to the spiritual narrative, we co-create reality with the Ultimate Creator.
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
“Every narrative adds a new flavor to who we think we are.” [01:51]
“The typical modern narrative that we see and hear paints a picture of self as an isolated individual, and the self-being something that’s contained within that individual.” [04:18]
“A part of what we reflect back to people that we have a relationship with, helps them engage helps them create a sense of their own self.” [06:53]
Audiograms:
“Who I am, is not just what’s inside of me, but also the reflection of self that I see and experience on the outside through other people, as kids, and even as adults, we do look for ourselves in those reflections.” [06:53]
“Dr. Dan Siegel, a prominent figure in interpersonal neurobiology child development and a bestselling author called the idea of self as it’s defined in the modern context, which is something that’s in capsulated within the skin as incomplete and a rather toxic idea. According to him, a part of our self is relational. We understand ourselves in relationship to others.” [04:45]
Resources Mentioned:
Parenting from the Inside Out- Dr Dan Siegel
Sapiens -Yuval Noah Harare
Believe it or not, life gives you a powerful choice: of creating your own life or bending into frames created by someone else only because you want to feel belonged. This makes me want to ask you, how real is your own reality?
Are you unconsciously following someone else’s choices or are you making your own? Are you true to your personality?
If you aren’t already, take charge of your life. Own it. Create it. That’s where true power lies. Though the feeling of wanting to be accepted is arguably real, you can’t be someone you’re not for the sake of achieving that. The best part? Once you sink into the power that comes from being the real you, your tribe begins to match your authenticity; you start to attract people who enjoy and choose to be around you, genuinely. Tune into this episode to hear me speak about all of this and more!
Sneak Peak:
We make the choice of being or not being our own selves, unconsciously or consciously, multiple times a day.
Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about the importance of creating your own personal reality and personality. He stresses that when living your own life brings in strength.
We often change our personality – how we feel about ourselves and how we show up – to meet our external environment to satisfy our desire to be accepted. And though it’s understandable, this feeling starts mixing up and spoiling your reality with unhealthy emotions of comparison, mistrust, and lack of genuinity.
It's not always bad to let your personality get influenced and shaped by your personal reality. Sometimes, you learn healthy, positive behaviors and thoughts that way. The issue happens when you comply without thinking.
Connect with me:
TikTok
If you were asked to embark on a trek across the Arctic, would you be open to it? I know just how tempted you are to say no. But hold on a moment. How do you if you can if you don’t try? Today we are honored to have Victoria joining us on the show. She is among the few women who have successfully walked across the Arctic. Victoria believes everything is possible if you believe in yourself.
In this episode, Victoria shares some amazing lessons from her walk and different experiences in life. We’ll hear what happened when she failed her A levels exam, her experience with IVF and climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro.
Are you ready to be motivated? Listen in to this episode.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- When an opportunity comes your way, take it. You never know what it might bring.
- If you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything.
- Failure is not always the end of the road. It could be the beginning of another beautiful journey.
Key Talking Points of the Episode:
[01:39] Victoria’s walk across the Arctic
[06:12] How to get over the fear of failure and rejection
[11:53] How the walk across the Arctic influenced Victoria’s life
[16:28] Lessons that Victoria has learned from her experiences
[20:48] How do we know that we are crossing over to the dark side with grit
[27:46] Victoria’s biggest life lesson
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
“You and I, we could walk out the door tomorrow and get hit by a bus. So, let’s just take every opportunity when we get it.”
“Take an opportunity. If a door is open walkthrough it, you can always pull out afterward.”
“There’s no need to have a fear failure because actually failure is how we learn.”
“There’s always a price for every decision. There’s also an upside for every decision.”
“Change is not just day by day or hour by hour, it’s second by second, it is always moving and changing. So, you have to learn not to fight it. You have to learn to embrace it, and mitigate where possible, but embrace it.”
“If you are truly driven by something or passionate about something, you’re more likely to take the next step, be gritty, or to be able to bounce back again, when something goes wrong and be resilient.”
The line between grit and stubbornness is clearly bleak. You often don’t know if it’s your grit leading you through decisions or whether it’s the “stubborn stubbornness” getting you into places you don’t have to travel to…
Let me answer it for you in this episode of Unbox Yourself. Today, I will talk to you about a time in my life when I let my grit unknowingly manifest into stubbornness and the consequences of that. I break down everything about grit and stubbornness coming from my experience and from Angela Duckworth’s book, “Grit”, to help you refine and redefine your own understanding of them.
You might well ask me, “why does the difference matter”? It matters because knowing this difference helps you make your choices wisely, opt-in or opt-out of situations depending on whether they’re good for you or not. Listen in…
Sneak-peek:
Grit and Stubbornness – The difference: Grit is our ability to persist when we face obstacles. It's taking one more step when you think you cannot. Being stubborn is refusing to change an opinion or course of action in spite of the difficulty.
Grit would tell you when a situation isn’t good for you. It would help you see the purpose behind doing or not doing something, assess your passion for the same, and evaluate your actions.
Stubbornness doesn’t allow evaluation of situations or moments. It involves jumping in and then figuring things out. Stubbornness gets you to the start line of the race but doesn’t help you finish it the way you want.
Have the wisdom to know when you must give up.
Part of your stubbornness is driven by ego. And thinking that you're only as good as your outcome. Grit is made up of interest, passion, practice, purpose, and hope.
Stubbornness often causes burnout. It’s the friction that comes from not wanting to do something but still doing it.
Resources Mentioned:
- Book – Grit by Angela Duckworth
Connect with me:
TikTok
According to Laura Scholes, having your creative juices flowing is difficult when you are all busy with different tasks. You need to be in a moment of relaxation. Laura’s creativity kicks in when she is relaxed and has a deadline to meet. Her body releases a special chemical that triggers her creative juices to start flowing.
Do you ever wake up with a lot to do and get so confused that you do not know where to start? You need to get a do list. I know having a to-do list can be overwhelming, but the minute you start checking off items on your list, it is super satisfying. Breaking a huge down into small steps is the best way to make it achievable.
Today, Laura will take us through her career journey, share her creative process and give us some nuggets of wisdom on how we can tell better brand stories.
Laura is a solopreneur who does copywriting for both small businesses and big companies. Listen to her wisdom in this episode.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- Always give more than you take but remember to set up boundaries.
- A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. If you have a huge project, break it down into small milestones and get to work.
- You don’t have to make a big change at once. Make small changes. In the long run, they will result in great impact.
Key Talking Points of the Episode:
[01:52] Laura’s biggest key life lesson
[04:14] Are there boundaries around giving more than you take?
[07:00] Action absorbs anxiety
[08:26] Laura’s creativity process
[12:18] Laura’s journey to discovering her passion
[17:10] How small little things can create a huge impact
[20:29] Storytelling tips
[26:09] Laura’s advice to her younger and older self
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
“Anything that you’re putting out into the world, that’s making someone feel something about your brand, or believe something about your brand. That’s all part of your brand story.”
“Nobody wants to be told they want to feel something.”
“There’s a lot of creativity that comes from having a container.”
“Action absorbs anxiety.”
“When you numb vulnerability, when you numb pain and shame, you also numb joy and creativity, you lose your ability for connection.” – Brene Brown
How does your inner self react to failure or hurt? Mine picks up an armor – a guard – one that doesn’t just protect me but keeps me from moving freely because of its weight. It’s as if I choose to keep the armor because I know I have no other choice… The armor protects me from the outside world that seems roaring to come at me.
Do you also armor up as I do? If you said yes, maybe I know why it happens.
Your imperfections are asking you to cover up. Because, like most others, you too might be associating your self-worth with the outcomes or results of everything you do. You feel like you don’t deserve to be loved or valued if the outcome isn’t positive.
You must break your connection with the outcome to ‘choose vulnerability’. That’s one of the many things I learned about vulnerability from Brene Brown. Because believing that you’re only as valuable as the outcome means, you accept that you’re not as worthy when you give up. Listen to this episode of Unbox Yourself as we explore the subject in more detail.
A few things you can take away from this episode right away:
- Being strong doesn’t mean not showing weakness. That would be taking your grit to a very unhealthy level.
- How to deal with failures and life’s challenges:
- Treat yourself with compassion. Make room for your imperfections and unpleasant emotions too.
- Know that your emotions cannot be fixed. On some days, you feel fresh and happy and on some others, you don’t. That’s how life is. Your emotions don’t and cannot have fixing.
- Expect to fail and get hurt along your way. But remember, failure doesn’t mean something's wrong with you. That’s just how life unfolds for all of us: failures lead to success; ‘no’ leads to a ‘yes’.
What does it take to be an artist? According to Pat, her artistic journey began as a child. Even before she could write, she was drawing. She doesn’t remember a time in her life when she wasn’t practicing art. Today, all her efforts have borne fruits.
Pat vividly remembers the rejection she has had to deal with to become the artist she is today. 10 graduate schools for artwork rejected her. All her friends were getting accepted, and out of the 10, two schools told her art wasn’t for her. It was a dull moment for Pat, but that didn’t stop her from pressing on in her passion.
Pat believes that as an artist, you must learn to listen to your painting to know what they need and require. Also, you must master the art of looking at things with a beginner’s eye and learn how to handle your inner critic.
Listen to this episode to learn more from Pat.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- Always follow your passion no matter what people say to you.
- Rejection is not the end of the road. Always find a way to rise above it.
- Never allow fear or your inner critic to get in your way.
Key Talking Points of the Episode:
[01:56] What inspired Pat to venture into art?
[04:49] How Pat creates art
[09:02] How Pat deals with rejection
[16:02] How to know when to start
[19:27] How to find your inner voice
[23:50] Did Pat allow rejection and challenges to shape her in school?
[27:09] How Pat’s art has evolved over the years
[31:00] Pat’s biggest life lessons
[36:09] Pat’s advice to beginners
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
“When you’re an artist, you put everything you are into the work, and you cannot control how the viewer looks at it. You can’t control what joys and sorrows which form their lens.”
“One of the most paralyzing things that an artist could even entertain is perfectionism.”
“Part of the creative process are those magnificent mistakes that you make.”
“You can focus on the outcome and obsess over the outcome or you can focus on the process and obsess over the process.”
“Artists will always be the beginner and that’s the power of art.”
We’ve spent a large part of our lives linking our happiness to crossing the finish line, which isn’t even real. You’ll be happy after…. you graduate? Get a job? Get a promotion? The list goes on. It’s always one thing after another. The loop goes on, but when does the joy ever come that way?
The happiness we know of has always been conditional. But is it really? Over time, I learned that happiness is a state of mind we can access whenever we want. You can have moments of joy despite any worry that occupies your mind at any time.
Listen to this episode of Unbox Yourself as I share with you how to “practice” happiness, not “find” or “seek” it. Thoughts of the next level or the next achievement are only stressing. It’s the little moments in life that bring you joy. There’s no race you have to run; you only have to embrace the journey, and happiness will follow.
Three things I learned and implemented that bring me moments of joy everyday:
- Success and happiness are separate ideas. While success depends on the outside factors, happiness is entirely internal. Success is the outcome of accomplishing a goal; happiness is something you can experience every day irrespective of achieving or not achieving something.
- Practice joy and gratitude daily. While still being worried or thinking about a goal, you can find moments of joy and times you feel good. Let those moments freshen you up.
- Have a daily reflection time. By this, I mean, at the end of the day, before you go to bed, sit down for two minutes and tell yourself everything that happened in the day: everything you liked about it, things that made you laugh, grateful, kind, compassionate, and the things that challenged you. Tell yourself all of it.
Have you discovered your purpose yet?
Many people shy away from trying to find their purpose because they are not sure if they will get it right the first time. We are afraid of getting it wrong and pursuing things that are not right for us.
According to Joanne, your purpose has been with you ever since you were a child. If you look deeper into it, you will realize how close your purpose is. If that doesn’t work for you, make a list of all your strengths and find out where you flow easily among your strengths. Many of us struggle with identifying our strengths yet always have a list of what we need to improve on.
Other ways of finding your purpose include asking someone you trust about your strengths and thinking of what people thank you for. Listen to this episode to hear Joanne expound more on the tips mentioned above.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- Your purpose is internal, not external
- Your purpose has always been with you since your childhood. Look deeper, and you will find it.
- Never underestimate the power of baby steps. They can take you very far if you let them.
Key Talking Points of the Episode:
[02:41] Finding your purpose
[05:17] Does purpose evolve?
[06:45] The importance of knowing our purpose
[11:36] Simple ways to help you find your purpose
[13:12] What gets in the way of people identifying their purpose?
[16:32] How to design our lives once we have clarity on purpose
[23:26] Joanne’s journey to discovering her purpose
[25:51] Joanne’s most significant life lesson
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
“Finding your purpose is not the things that you do. But it’s why you do those things. It’s the fuel in your engine that takes you to where you’re going.”
“If you take the time to consider what your purpose might be, you will see it throughout your life. It’s not some big aha moment that will suddenly change you right now.”
“Your unique purpose will be present already in all of your life. Up to this point, from your childhood, to now, it will continue to be present.”
“Purpose will be showing in anytime you feel like something’s boosting, you care purpose isn’t draining, it’s boosting.”
“When we have our inner light, we can’t see it shining, other people around us can see it shining, but we just can’t.”
Connect with us! You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
The talk about building confidence has stayed alive for a long time now. People from all walks of life are asked to ‘build’ confidence. But Shawnee Harlee, my guest for today’s episode, has a reason why the concept of confidence could be a little too overrated or misunderstood.
For one, she believes that confidence is an emotion-based on results. Do you have to try to be confident at something you’re good at?
And two, fear is an opportunity to practice courage.
Today, on the Unbox Yourself podcast, Shawnee and I discuss courage, confidence, action, decision, and values. You’ll learn why more than confidence, you must learn to build courage. You’ll also learn Shawnee’s 3-step method to build the courage to reinvent your thoughts and actions.
You’ll learn:
- Courage is an action. You can choose to do something courageous even when you don't feel confident about it.
- Fear pushes you to practice courage.
- When you detach yourself from the outcome, courage follows.
- ‘Failing’ and ‘being a failure’ are two different expressions with two different meanings. Just because you fail at something doesn’t mean you are a total failure.
- Unlearning is tough and takes a lot of deep inner work.
- The 3-step method of Wait-Shift-Choose involves:
- Waiting: Asking yourself what you’re feeling at any instant - are you procrastinating, hiding, overthinking?
- Shifting: Shifting your thoughts to a new and better one that you know would serve you better.
- Choosing: Choosing to do something courageous about your thoughts.
Meet Shawnee!
Shawnee Harlee is a Mental Toughness Coach for athletes, helping athletes through everything that stirs them up in their sport.
Connect With Shawnee!
Website: https://www.shawneeharle.com
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Do you feel like the fear of judgment is holding you back from doing something you've always wanted to do? It is time to feel the fear and do it anyway. According to Lynn, accepting that you cannot please everyone goes a long way in overcoming the fear of judgment. Also, feeling the fear and doing the thing you are most afraid of helps you get to a better place. For instance, the more Lynn writes, the more her fear disappears.
Lynn started her career as a corporate lawyer. She later transitioned into investment banking, and now she is an entrepreneur. Lynn's passion for inclusivity and diversity is great. She enjoys working with a diverse team and encourages us to follow in her footsteps with inclusivity and diversity.
In this episode, we'll learn about Lynn's career journey, how we can support inclusivity and diversity, and overcome the fear of judgment.
Listen in and learn more.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- It is okay to feel the fear and do it anyway
- Many things in life are reversible. Do not fear making a move
- When you embrace your authentic self, nothing can stop you
Key Talking Points from the Episode:
[1:52] Lynn's unique journey to entrepreneurship
[6:49] What motivated Lynn to pivot to her organization?
[7:54] How we can support diversity and inclusivity
[10:20] Lynn's biggest challenge transitioning from a traditional career to entrepreneurship
[11:48] What have I been curious to experiment and learn?
[13:12] How I'm I am getting over the fear of judgment
[14:55 ] How Lynn has overcome the fear of judgment
[19:06] How Lynn identifies which opportunities are suitable for her
[21:03] Lynn's most significant life lesson and leadership lesson
[24:13] My biggest 'should' growing up
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
"What is important to remember with things as big as diversity, equality, or even climate change. If we take little steps every day, I think it makes the problem seem more surmountable, rather than something huge that we cannot do anything about."
"There's always an opportunity to grow and to learn. And yeah, I like it when people make me think again, like change my mind about something."
"You don't have to fear failure. Fearing not having tried something that you wanted to do is probably worse in the long term."
Connect with us! You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Are you a perfectionist? Or do you strive to be one?
How does the idea of it feel to you? Do you believe we must all strive for perfection?
If so, today's conversation might just challenge your beliefs on the same.
As Shawnee Harlee joins me on the show, she reveals how her biggest breakthrough about perfectionism happened when she heard Brene Brown speak about it. Brene explained the vital difference between excellence and perfection and the beauty of striving for the former, a lesson Shawnee's carried in her life ever forward.
You'll learn why true growth lies in the relentless pursuit of excellence. Strive to be the best version of yourself because YOU need it, not because anything or anyone else asks for it.
You'll also learn:
- Perfectionism is extrinsic, while excellence is intrinsic. Excellence is wanting to get better for yourself, your own growth, and discovery.
- When you're striving for perfection, you feel weak and disempowered. Because it's fear-based behavior. Excellence, on the other hand, makes you feel empowered.
- You give away your power to other people when you feel powerful only when they approve of you.
- The best way to make peace with perfection is to provide a safe place for your imperfections to land.
Meet Shawnee!
Shawnee Harlee is a Mental Toughness Coach for athletes, helping athletes through everything that stirs them up in their sport.
Connect With Shawnee!
Website: https://www.shawneeharle.com
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
How much have you been lying to yourself lately?
According to Shawnee Harle, we have been lying to ourselves too much. We know what we should be doing, but we choose to do something else that’s more comfortable and still expect to have the same results.
It is evident that we are made for pleasure more than pain. Unless we push ourselves past the comfort, we can never experience growth. We must choose to do hard, unpredictable, and unsafe things for us to grow.
Sometimes, fear of people’s opinions keeps us from making tough decisions. We allow ourselves to get paralyzed by what people will say about our moves. Until the day we decide not to care about people’s opinions, we shall never be free.
Listen to learn more.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- Nothing good grows in the comfort zone. We must step into uncomfortable spaces in order to grow.
- Procrastination is the enemy of progress.
- You need to learn how to call yourself out when you are not performing at your best
Key Talking Points of the Episode:
[0:59] We are lying to ourselves too much
[06:40] How to get okay with choosing to do something uncomfortable
[09:27] Procrastinating vs avoiding a fear
[11:44] How to approach something that you are afraid of
[13:19] Fear underneath the things we are avoiding
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
“We are wired for pleasure more than pain. Yeah, I think we’re wired for ice cream more than vegetables. We’re wired for things that make us feel good.”
“We must stop lying to ourselves because the only way we can grow is to get uncomfortable. Also, we must go to the opposite of our wiring to get unsafe, unpredictable, and do hard things.”
“If we don’t get clarity on the cost of the behaviors, we’ll keep doing them.”
“To be courageous, I have to get clear on the reward.”
“No more excuses. No more hiding. Stand on the cliff jump, and the net will appear.”
“I think it’s healthy and emotionally intelligent. When the day comes, women are sick and tired of ourselves.”
“Everybody has an opinion these days about everything. Even people who don’t know what they’re talking about have an opinion.”
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Criticism is inevitable, and seldom welcome, but did you know that the way you handle it speaks volumes about your sense of self-worth? Handled the right way, most criticism would start to feel like feedback. We’re discussing it in-depth in today’s episode.
Shawnee Harlee and I break down opinions, judgments, worth, and values today. Digging deeper into the subject, we realize why your ability to handle judgment comes from your ability to accept, embrace, and respect yourself as a whole – and that includes your imperfections. When you do that, you realize that it’s not your job to please everyone. That you don’t have to be the ‘perfect’ somebody someone else wants you to be. And that’s when you realize that judgments are merely people’s reflections of themselves. They’re only true for them.
We also discuss:
- Why judgments shouldn’t hurt:
- One, they’re just opinions – of others. Meaning, it’s true for them alone. They don’t apply to everyone, and they most definitely shouldn’t apply to you if you don’t believe them.
-
Two, negative judgments are people’s reflections of themselves. They have nothing to do with you almost all the time.
-
Be rational with negative judgment rather than emotional.
- Value yourself for who you are from the inside, not for what others feel about you. Your sense of worth should come from the inside.
- A flaw isn’t something that devalues you, it's a part of just who you are.
Meet Shawnee!
Shawnee Harlee is a Mental Toughness Coach for athletes, helping athletes through everything that stirs them up in their sport.
Connect With Shawnee!
Website: https://www.shawneeharle.com
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
How can you authentically show up as a leader? According to Melissa, it starts with you. When you embrace your uniqueness, so will your team. When you demonstrate self-confidence, self-worth, and your strengths, they will feel the permission to do the same when you tell your stories, so will they. At this intersection of power, vulnerability, and uniqueness, is where thriving begins.
Melissa helps leaders and employees design an intentional employee experience that bridges the cultural and generational gap between them, increasing engagement and inviting joy for all. She believes the key to engagement is not "fixing" employees or leaders but enriching their relationships.
Melissa and I will be digging deeper into authentically showing up as a leader in this episode. Melissa has some great tips and ideas that we can all borrow to become better leaders.
Key Take-Aways from the Episode:
- Strength is being willing to be vulnerable. It is not an absence of fear.
- Nothing is permanent in this life, regardless of its good or bad. At some point, it shall pass.
- Authenticity begins with you.
Key Talking Points of the Episode:
[04:51] Importance of having physiological safety
[05:25] Melissa's definition of strength
[08:10] What does authenticity leadership mean
[10:21] What gets in the way of someone showing up as themselves, being authentic, and living up to their values
[12:15] How flexible should your values be?
[15:27] How to encourage others to show up as their authentic selves?
[19:00] How to show up authentically as a leader without being biased or influenced by your environment
[22:30] Melissa's life and leadership lesson
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
"I think strength also is doing all of that while living into your values, knowing what they are, and not being willing to compromise."
"We define strength as the absence of weakness, which I do not believe those things are contrary to one another. I think that strength is being able to acknowledge your weakness and find others who can fill that in for you."
"Authenticity starts with knowing yourself."
"It's really easy to like, be courageous, empathetic, and creative, you know when things are good."
"When we can just be upfront about things, we can find common ground."
"I need to understand myself before expecting anyone else to understand me. And I need to be consistent."
Connect with Melissa Boggs:
Website: http://melissaboggs.com/
True power lies not in those choices made at the dawn of the day but also in those that you unconsciously make. For instance, think of the last time you did something because you were conditioned to do so since childhood… like waking up early in the morning because "good girls don't sleep in"? The thing about these unconscious choices is that they make you lose your power. It's like gradually handing over your power to someone else. You are a thinking human. Do you think you ought to do that?
How do you take back your power if you've consciously or unconsciously disowned it? How do you stop being someone you never knew you were becoming?
Dig into yourself, uncover those thoughts from your subconsciousness that were unknowingly transferred into you, and rewire them. Know that you and only you have the power to steer your life forward. Listen to this episode of Unbox Yourself for more on the same!
Today, we unpack:
- Learning to take control/ ownership of your life – Know that you are the master of your destiny; you make your own choices and have the power to enforce them.
- Choose what serves you.
- Five tips for finding your power:
- Choose again – This is a method revealed by Gabby Bernstein in her book, the Super Attractor. When faced with an unpleasant thought, ask yourself to choose again – choose a belief that serves you. Because it's you who is in charge of your thoughts and not the other way round.
- The five-second rule – Mel Robbins came up with the five-second rule to help you take action when stuck. Count backward till 5 when stuck, and the path should clear itself to you.
- WAIT – A method shared by my guest Shawnee Harley in one of the podcast episodes. WAIT stands for What Am I Thinking?
- Pause decision-making for the next 24 hours – Don't make decisions or draw conclusions for the next 24 hours. Stay with your feelings, just chill, and calm yourself down. Allow yourself to create separation between your feelings and actions.
- Pay attention to your thoughts – Observe your thoughts in the third person. It helps create detachment, allowing you to step back and observe unbiased.
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
When women are in 80% of their feminine energy and 20% masculine energy, that's when they are most impactful and joyful. All women possess masculine and feminine energy. It's only that sometimes we cannot find the balance between the two.
According to Erin, masculine energy is single-pointed and focused, while feminine energy lacks patterns. Women tend to thrive when they blend structure and flexibility in their energies. Today, Erin will educate us on how to embrace our feminine energy.
Erin Kurt has built a successful business by discovering how to use feminine energy. She is a spiritual teacher and energy healer to women all over the world. Her primary goal is to assist the spiritual woman in cultivating her own spiritually evolved & upgraded, elegant life. She focuses on bringing you back home to who and what you are through energy clearing & Signature Elegant Processes.
Are you ready to embrace your feminine energy? Listen in to this episode.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- Every woman has both masculine and feminine energy in her.
- The feminine energy is chaotic and lacks structure, while the masculine energy is structure-oriented and focused.
- Women who end up embracing the masculine energy more than the feminine energy may be successful but still feel like something is missing.
Key Talking Points from the Episode:
[2:28] Erin's definition of confidence and feminine confidence
[4:57] An example of how we can embrace feminine confidence
[10:34] How to get connected with ourselves
[16:55] The definition of feminine and masculine energy and the role they play in our lives
[25:33] What is the difference between playful and fun
[26:43] How to figure out your signature style
[29:01] What hinders women from expressing their feminine energy?
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
"Confidence allows you to do things you want to do in life."
"You get to choose what you make something mean."
"If you have a true visceral, energetic knowledge, body memory of what real playfulness means, you'll have a completely different aspect when you come to your work."
Connect with Erin Kurt:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theelegantlifeblog/
Website: https://theelegantlife.com/
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Fret the process and you'll forever fret the outcome for not revealing itself; enjoy it, and you'll see the outcome show up on its own. Often, when embarking on a journey to mastering something, we are impatient. We want to see the results instantly. And when that does not happen (for every journey takes its own time), we lose interest, sometimes even despising the process altogether.
But have you ever truly unpacked why you began on the journey? Have you tried putting in your best efforts every day, not thinking of the outcome?
If you haven't, then know that today's episode of Unbox Yourself is to teach you why and how you must. I'll share with you why any growth is to be cherished – not for the results alone, but for the process that brings you to it. Enjoying the process is also a sign that the path is right for you. You don't want to go ten years down the line and realize you didn't want to be where you will be, do you?
Listen in to this episode as I share:
- How to fall in love with the process: Be flexible with your timelines; change your approach. Find enjoyment in the daily effort.
- How to understand that it's who you become in the process and not the number of finish lines that you cross that matters.
- Only two things allow you to cross the finish line of any growth journey – Patience and Perspective.
- Two things that get in the way of falling in love with the process:
- External validation – If you want to set goals and achieve them so that others think highly of you, you are seeking to validate your value.
-
Impatience – If you seek overnight results or transformation, you are impatient.
-
Find a way to feel good about where you're at. To feel whole, complete, abundant every moment.
Connect with us! You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Do you struggle with perfectionism? This episode is for you. As a recovering perfectionist, I know how difficult life as a perfectionist can be. Imagine seconding guessing everything you do just because you feel like it is not good enough. That isn’t easy! Today, we will learn how to cut ourselves some slack. In this episode, I have Jenny Toh joining me on the podcast. Jenny and I will be talking about how to battle perfectionism. She will share essential tips and tricks that have helped her make a significant change in her life.
Listen to this episode to learn more.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- You cannot win over perfectionism overnight. It is a journey that takes daily practice.
- Perfectionism makes your life difficult and makes you work harder than you might not need to.
- Suppose you do something and don’t feel like it is not good enough. Always ask yourself, is it good enough for the other person? If the answer is yes, you did well!
Key Talking Points of the Episode:
[1:44] What is perfectionism, and how is it manifesting in workplaces?
[03:35] How to set realistic expectations
[13:24] How to address perfectionism
[15:45] What’s the difference between perfectionism and going the extra mile?
[24:39] Is there any positive side to perfectionism?
[30:12] One step that can help you overcome perfectionism
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
“Perfectionism is your desire for things to be done in a certain way that meets your expectations.”
“I think many times we want things to be perfect more to meet our standards. We never really consider whether it’s sufficient for the other person.”
“Every small step you take towards your 100% perfect vision is already a step in the right direction.”
“I think with perfectionism; we tend to be too focused on our ideal, perfect vision of whatever we want. That we forget the present moment.”
“Every day is a good day if you can find things worked well and are grateful for.”
Connect with Jenny Toh:
Website: https://www.riverlifecoaching.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenny-toh-pcc/
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
You might feel like the only way to show that you're strong is to act like you're not affected – by anything. Just because someone is emotional doesn't mean they are weak or failing. I know this personally because I have been in situations where I've forced myself to be strong - and worshipped those who did, like my favorite Meredith Grey from a famous TV Series (calling out all Grey's Anatomy fans!).
But I realized with time that it is OKAY to break down and cry sometimes. The human in me craves to feel, to take the easy way out of problems because the pain feels hard to handle.
I'm discussing the ins and outs of the subject in today's episode. We'll talk about what happens within you when you force yourself to be strong, my definition of strength, and how to define your own strength.
Things to note:
- Consequences of ‘trying’ to be strong
- It makes you fragile. Because you try to muscle your way through life, plowing your way forward with all the baggage that actually needs to be dropped.
- It teaches you to ignore your emotions. As you continue to do that, you begin to lose your emotional agility slowly.
-
It compromises your mental and physical health, causing you inexplicable stress.
-
Define strength for yourself. For me, it's about feeling my feelings, learning to grow from tough situations with my heart and head in sync, and allowing myself the permission to be weak. It means I get to live life without judgments.
- Two concepts that inspired my definition of strength:
- Anti-fragility: From Nicolas Nassim Taleb's book, Anti-fragile Things. It taught me that anti-fragility is beyond resilience or robustness; it's about becoming someone who grows from adversity.
- Emotional agility: From Susan David's book Emotional Agility. It taught me to navigate life's twists and turns with self-acceptance and helped me create my definition of strength.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
Books:
- Anti-fragile Things by Nassim Nicolas Taleb
- Emotional Agility by Susan David
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
How do you define your success? Often, we tend to define our success through other people's definitions. Today, I have the honor of having a conversation with Hamish. He is a journalist and the host of In Pursuit of Passion podcast. Before discovering he had Auditory processing disorder (APD), he always wondered why he was different from other children. He couldn't process things fast. He felt not good enough, but he had a wonderful support system from his parents. In this episode, Hamish will share his journey to reframing his learning difficulty, how he got over imposter syndrome, and his definition of success and purpose, among inspiring other topics.
Listen and get inspired.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- We have different abilities. The minute we start comparing ourselves with others, we lose our authentic selves.
- In life, having a strong support system is essential because it will help you navigate through the challenges of life.
- Never allow anyone to define what success should be to you. Define your purpose and your success on your terms.
Key Talking Points of the Episode:
[02:28] How Hamish discovered he had a learning difficulty and the need to reframe it
[06:09] How Hamish got over imposter syndrome
[08:22] Defining our baseline abilities
[10:04] How Hamish defines success and purpose for himself
[13:56] How do people find things that they love?
[21:10] Hamish's advice to anyone struggling with self-worth or feeling inadequate
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
"It's not about doing as much as you can. It's more about knowing how well you can do something like do one particular thing."
"Everyone has their own experiences that are so unique to them."
"Often, we find our passions through the darkest, most sort of impactful experiences."
"There's so much power on the dark side. You can either be wise or wounded."
Meet Hamish!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hamish_hallett/?hl=en
Podcast: In pursuit of passion: https://anchor.fm/pursuit-of-passion
Connect with Hamish!
Hamish Hallett is a 24-year-old podcast host and journalist passionate to share knowledge and allowing others to do the same. He hosts the In Pursuit of Passion podcast and writes for the Common Sense Network, a news network that aims to eliminate echo chambers.
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Time and time again, people would tell you, “find your purpose, and everything will fall into place.” Okay, that sounds convincing, but HOW do you do that? The very statement makes you feel like there’s only one right answer when it clearly couldn’t be true So, how do you set yourself on the path to “doing more” and “achieving more”?
By letting your purpose come to you. And I’m not joking when saying this; your purpose does find its way to you when you engage your heart and mind in activities that feel good to you.
We’re discussing all of this in today’s episode. Sit back for a fresh, heart-warming listen as I slowly unpack the things you must know to achieve joy, abundance, and success in your life – by learning to wait for your purpose consciously.
In today’s episode, you’ll also learn:
- Asking someone to find their purpose is like telling them it’s the only right answer they must strive to answer and that they can proceed only once they’ve answered that.
- You don’t have to go looking for your purpose - it’ll come to you.
- Your purpose will come to you when you indulge in activities that feel good to you.
- The more time you spend engaging in things you like, the better you’ll become at it, and the closer you’ll get to your purpose.
-
While you embrace the process of uncovering your purpose, opt-out of:
-
Ego – Stop leaning towards things you don’t truly enjoy only because your ego keeps you in it.
- Let go of your fear of being a beginner and looking like a fool.
- Don’t let the voice inside your head – the negative self-talk voice – stop you from advancing in your journey.
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Have you set your core values? How did you go about it?
If you are yet to set your core values, don’t fret. This episode is for you! Today we have the amazing Laura Eigel joining me on the show. According to Laura, your core values are a point of reference when you feel misaligned from your authentic self. They are the center point that you turn to when you need to make decisions.
Laura will guide us to understand how our core values impact our career and the life we want, how to set our values and boundaries, and how we can always have our core values in front of our minds as we live through life.
Are you ready to learn from this episode? Listen in.
You’ll also learn:
- It is essential to check your core values every 90 days to see if they remain the same or if something has shifted.
- Having an audit of your time will guide you to prioritize your values.
- When working on your core values, don’t be afraid to start small and grow bigger as you gain momentum.
- You cannot discover your leadership style overnight. It takes a lot of trial and error to understand your leadership style fully.
Key Milestones of the Episode:
[02:29] What does authentic leadership mean?
[06:22] How core values help us get the career and the life that we want
[08:31] Understanding your core values
[17:16] How Laura found her authentic leadership style
[22:14] The moment when Laura didn’t have her values clearly articulated
[24:59] How to set boundaries and your core values
[26:53] How Laura keeps her values in front of her mind as she lives through life
[34:14] Key takeaway from Laura’s book
Magical Quotes from the Episode:
“If I know my core values, I can always return to the center.”
“Once you find clarity, you audit your time, and you can set boundaries. Boundaries are guidelines on how to prioritize your values.”
“If you set up what success means for that value, it becomes part of how you make decisions in the little and big things.
Meet Laura!
Laura is a Founder of The Catch Group. She is an executive coach accelerating high-achieving women into top jobs, and the host of You Belong in the C-Suite Podcast.
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Have you believed all your life that you were doing good by criticizing yourself? I have, and it took me years to realize how wrong I was. I encouraged my inner critic to continue being harsh, mean, and sometimes even condescending because I thought it opened me up to reality.
But I have realized that my inner critic was filling me with fear, engaging in negative self-talk, and diminishing my confidence.
Most importantly, my inner critic was suppressing my instincts. So, I had to talk about it with you. Tune in to this episode of Unbox Yourself as I speak with you about taming your inner critic by building a relationship with it.
Today, you’ll learn:
- The importance of being self-aware and how it helps tame your inner critic. By becoming more aware of your inner critic and the judgemental tone you use on yourself, you’ll understand what’s happening and why.
- Fear, comparison, and negative self-talk are all signs your inner critic is working in its best power.
- When you cloud yourself with the negativity from your inner critic, your body responds negatively to it, too – your shoulders become tight, your instincts are nowhere helping, and you sound and feel very different.
- One way to tame your inner critic is to name it. Name the voice inside your head that’s constantly judging or questioning you. Distinguish between the voices — of the real you and the critiquing you. It creates a separation between you and the voice and allows you to probe and ask questions. This way, you’ll also know when to distract, when to lean in and act, and how to ask the right questions to assess any situation or feeling.
- Be the adult in your relationship with your inner critic, not a passive bystander.
- Be compassionate in your talks with yourself.
- Realize that getting over that inner voice is a slow process, that change happens slowly. Don’t expect it to go right the first time. Allow for some imperfection, take baby steps, and don’t try to give yourself a timeline.
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
You might think that self-esteem is something you gain from the outside world, but it's not. Your self-esteem is built upon your core beliefs – your assumptions, rules and thoughts. What you think of yourself from the inside reflects on the world outside, as my returning guest Melike shares in the podcast episode today.
The best part? Melike shares that your self-esteem and sense of self-worth can be altered – based on how you develop your level of motivation and willpower.
Today, sit back and listen to my conversation with Melike as she teaches us how to rewrite the story of our lives by changing our beliefs. You'll learn to be the hero of your story, drop any unhealthy narratives about it, create positive ones, and accept life's changes.
When you change your narrative around your story, you begin to see yourself and the world in a different light. Even if reinforcing the positivity takes exaggeration, opt into it. And if you don't know how, listen in to this discussion because Melike would tell you how intricately to proceed when aiming for a transformed self.
You’ll learn:
- Our behavioral repertoire is limited to our core beliefs. How you perceive the world affects your self-esteem.
- Your self-esteem can be changed easily based on how you develop your motivation and willpower.
- Embrace change. We are in a constant state of change; nothing ever stays the same during these times. It's essential you opt-out of a reductionist point of view, given the state of the world today.
- Cognitive dissonance is when we want to believe in something, and so, we ignore the facts that prove it otherwise. Eliminate the opposite truth and evidence and confirm your beliefs at the end of the day.
- Be as objective as possible when it comes to complimenting yourself.
- Divert your language to use "Yet". Say you're "yet not ready", "yet haven't thought about something" and the like. It also makes things sound more real because no one knows what the future holds for them.
- Be more process-oriented. Don't get obsessed over the results. Because results isn't are not in our hands, to be honest.
Meet Melike!
Melike Sabak is a clinical psychologist and creator of several programs, including one on creativity called Creativity's Path.
Connect with Melike!
Website: https://www.thewaywesee.co.uk
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Intrinsic motivation is one of the key drivers to success. It drives you to do the best you can in whatever you do, whether it is your job, a hobby or a passion. It makes you feel alive and gives you the energy to carry on. It is something that makes you want to continue achieving. But as you might well know, it cannot be bought; motivation DOESN’T come easy. How do you explain what births motivation in you?
Melike Sabake revisits us on this episode of Unbox Yourself to explain just that. She reveals how all of us, as humans, operate on emotions, that our values trigger our most sincere emotions, filling us with the desire to move forward on our goals and events. Marketers, thought leaders, and experts use emotional vocabulary to connect with their audiences to light their motivation.
How do you find the willingness to execute and finish something you cannot think about beginning? How do you overcome procrastination and just start doing your work? You’ll learn the steps and formulae to them all in today’s discussion. Listen up to learn more!
You’ll learn:
- Our values trigger the emotions in us. To achieve anything in life, connect yourself to the emotion after succeeding.
- Dopamine drives motivation. Once you understand how dopamine is released in your brain, you can become addicted to it. For example, succeeding in a test is an achievement that releases dopamine. It makes you feel good about yourself.
- “Willingness comes after the behaviors. Willingness comes after the act.” Don’t wait for long to start something; achievements can be made only after throwing yourself in the field.
- Be process-oriented rather than results-oriented.
- Keeping a small procrastination notebook helps, as Melike explains. Write down your day’s tasks by breaking them down into baby steps. It becomes more fun to accomplish them then.
- See the fun in a task; it becomes easier that way.
Meet Melike!
Melike Sabak is a clinical psychologist and creator of several programs, including one on creativity called Creativity's Path.
Connect with Melike!
Website: https://www.thewaywesee.co.uk
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
There's much more to the psychological concept of willpower than meets the eye. For instance, did you know that willpower is an innate biological phenomenon, that with meditation and diet, you can get a stronghold of it? We're discussing all about it in this episode of Unbox Yourself. As Melike Sabak, my guest for today's episode, explains, your willpower doesn't stay in its desired state if your physical and mental state isn't at its best. To grow in your will, you must cut off unhealthy food, prioritize your sleeping habits, practice meditation, and be mindful of how you care for your brain. Meditation increases your brain's neuroplasticity, allowing your brain to respond to new stimuli and build willpower.
Another essential concept we dive into today is framing a compassionate dialogue within yourself. The more judgemental you become about yourself, the more you'll hate yourself, and the harder it will become for you to enforce or reinforce positive change. Bid adieu to your urges for instant gratification, learn to treat yourself with more compassion, and step into focussed, conscious living in this episode. Listen up now!
You'll also learn:
- Compassion begins with yourself. Train your brain to be more compassionate with you, and you'll observe your body and emotions respond positively as well.
- Our brains are wired for short term thinking and instant gratification as much as they are trained to build the willpower to live an accepted life in society. Compassion is key to stopping giving into temporary urges and building the mindset to observe the larger picture.
- When we are stressed, our prefrontal cortex goes offline (Our prefrontal cortex is the part that motivates us and helps us make decisions on long-term thinking). It causes us to automatically switch to short-term thinking, sometimes making us go for foods that give instant gratification.
Connect with Melike!
Find out more about Melike Sabak's work at: https://www.thewaywesee.co.uk
Connect with Us
You can send us your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
We all have that little voice in our heads telling us we're not good enough – good enough to chase our passions, good enough to seek joy, good enough to be loved, or any of the like. It's one tough cookie, but let me tell you: you CAN beat it! Buckle up; let's silence that inner critic in this episode of Unbox Yourself! Joining me for another enlightening chat is clinical psychologist Melike Sabak. Melike would help you identify, understand (and affirm) that your inner critic isn't at the core of your identity… that that voice inside your head? It's not you. She would unhook you from its self-sabotaging beliefs by teaching you to differentiate it (the pathological critical voice) from your true voice.
Melike also shares how a lack of or low self-esteem, motivation, and willpower empowers the negative voice in your head. Sharing helpful information about cognitive distortion and the science and origin of negative internal talk, Melike helps you see yourself for who you are and bash any unwelcome energy from causing you mental turmoil. You'll learn what it means to be responsible, autonomous, and self-regulated and how it helps you in taming your inner critic!
A few things you can note right away:
- Be sure that you are not that voice in our heads. As a first step, identify it when it's your inner critic talking.
- As they say, the devil's biggest trick is forcing you to believe that he doesn't exist.
- The critical inner voice could have originated from your childhood experiences. Maybe you grew up in cultures that tamed you or had people discouraging, silencing, or negatively affecting you. The birth of your inner critic is often through negative past experiences.
- How do you let go of that voice inside your head? Rebuke. Contradict it. Change the narrative. When that voice says you aren't compassionate, think about all those times when you have been compassionate.
- Self-esteem, motivation and willpower benefit from each other. As long as you build on your self-esteem, you also build on your willpower and motivation.
- Your inner critic would talk with cognitive distortion, throwing in words like 'always' or 'never'. But that's never the case with life. Cognitive distortion distorts our reality. You have to learn to see beyond that.
- 'Responsibility' could be understood as responding to life's challenges. What it teaches you is to 'respond' to situations rather than 'react' to them.
- Autonomy is the freedom that comes from loving yourself. That, in turn, comes from regulating yourself.
Meet Melike!
Melike Sabak is a clinical psychologist and creator of several programs, including one on creativity called Creativity's Path.
Resources Mentioned:
Book: Man’s Search For Meaning by Victor Franklin – https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/1846041244
Connect with Melike
Website: https://www.thewaywesee.co.uk
Connect with Us
You can us your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
It’s tough to explain your innermost feelings when you’re on the verge of a blazing victory, and an unexpected underperformance on your end takes away all the anticipated joy. As the assistant coach of the Canadian basketball team at the Rio Olympics, Shawnee experienced the same when her team lost in the quarterfinals. Worst of all, she could sense that her team had underperformed. In today’s episode, Shawnee sits with me to explore what the experience taught her about pressure, failure, fear, and forgiveness. Shedding light on the circumstances post the loss and expanding on the reason behind every emotion experienced, she explains how she learned not to let the outcome of a challenge define her. Just like in sports, life is all about the highs and lows. You are to face the failures the same way you face the successes. And when peoples’ judgments of you start clouding your mental space, remember: judgments are only the reflections of people’s distorted narratives of you. They might not be true. And you don’t have to seek proof and evidence to disprove them. It only means you have to stop being needy of them. Learn to say, “I prefer that you like me, but I don't need you to.” It makes all the difference in the world. You’ll also learn:
- That pressure comes from focusing on the outcome, which is either winning or losing. The higher the stakes, the more the pressure builds. We need to remember that neither of them is in our control.
- Face your failure. Because the truth always sets you free when you dare to look at it.
- Do not consider other people’s judgments of you as personal attacks. They rarely know the complete truth.
- Forgiveness is the opposite of judgment. Forgive yourself for not seeing the blind spots, not using the right tool at the right time, or for not being able to give your best shot sometimes.
- The inability to forgive is an outcome of our ego taking over. It means we’re agreeing with our ego.
- Have the courage to stop protecting your imperfections. Walk towards your authenticity and accept yourself for who you are.
Meet Shawnee!
Shawnee Harlee is a Mental Toughness Coach for athletes, helping athletes through everything that stirs them up in their sport.
Connect with Us
You can send us your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Do you think you've realized your inner potential in life? Or do you feel the tug of an inexplicable thought that tells you there's so much more out in the open that you haven't yet sought? Embark on the journey to uncovering your true potential with my guest Alexandar Patridge and me in this episode of Unbox Yourself! Alex and I talk about realizing our unexpressed latent potential with three simple questions: "Do you think you can be so much more than what you are?", "Can you take action on that more potential?", and "Do you have a desire to help others?". We also talk about busting your ego to step into abundance, make better decisions, and go back to your limitless nature, which you had when you were that 5-year-old curious kid.
Most importantly, Alex explains Maslow's hierarchy of needs: physiological needs, safety needs, love, and belonging needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization needs intricately. Happiness, contentment, and potential are relative. They mean different things to different people. The key lies in digging out what it means to you and then doing the work it takes to get there.
You'll also learn:
- Social actualization means you live true to yourself so that you can then serve others.
- Happiness is a state of being and is highly subjective. It is up to you to figure out what it means to you.
- One of the biggest symptoms of holding the shell identity is ego. It could wrap itself into different situations and behavior but needs to be caught and eliminated to step into your best life.
- By the time most people turn 31, they've lost most of their curiosity. Only around 2% of people retain it. Those who lose it fall into the depths of certainty and try to become conditioned, and until they welcome change, there's no shifting from it. Step away from the certainty and embrace change to realize your true potential.
- Observe, orientate, and take action to discover how you identify yourself.
- We don't create anything new or rebirth into a different individual by tapping into our true potential. We simply go back to being the limitless human we were when five years old.
Meet Alex!
Alexander Partridge is a Partner with The Council for Human Development, “a Swiss non-profit organization dedicated to holistic human development and the future of work”.
Connect with Alex
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexander-partridge-9623a7205?originalSubdomain=uk
Connect with Us
You can send us your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Imagine leaving behind your stable, secure, and rewarding enough career to venture into waters you haven’t the faintest idea about… especially when you’re in a highly regulated profession such as the law and are eyeing one that’s entirely unregulated!
Struck by an incessant calling to become a coach, Jenny left her full-time profession as a lawyer and dived into coaching headfirst – but not without preparation. Certified by the International Coaching Federation (which requires renewing the certification every three years), Jenny set the bar very high for her coaching career. But things weren’t so easy starting off.
In search of the “missing piece” of life’s jigsaw, overcoming her inner fears and accepting herself for whoever she is, Jenny found the intellectual path she sought. Although she was nervous about launching her business just when the pandemic began, it continued to blossom over time. As Jenny waits for her business’ second anniversary this year, she reflects on the journey that brought her to this point, including the lessons learned about empowering yourself as an introvert. She talks about coming to terms with and leveraging the incomparable power of one-on-one conversations possessed by introverts to set your most authentic foot forward in life and business.
You’ll learn:
- When you’re confused or insecure about the path you’ve chosen, ask yourself WHY you began in the first place. That single moment of self-reflection would dispel all your worries and help you align to your path.
- What is meant by an empowered introvert? An empowered introvert accepts their introversion and sees the positive side of it, leading an authentic and meaningful path.
- It takes more effort for an introvert to show up, but on the positive side, introverts can build a solid one-to-one relationship. They can seek the support of an extroverted colleague to back them when needing encouragement to speak to people at large.
- As an introvert in a new organization, you might find it hard to make meaningful connections with people. In that case, start by understanding and assessing your workplace – how are the people there? Who can you build a healthy rapport with? Understand other people’s way of presenting their work and show your way of presenting your work to them.
- It’s okay to just be yourself in a work setting as long as you’re courteous.
Meet Jenny
Jenny Toh is an ICF (ACC) Credentialed Coach and Director of River Life Coaching Pte. Ltd.
Connect with Jenny
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenny-toh-cpc-acc/?originalSubdomain=sg
Connect with Us
You can send me your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Why do we feel the need to control and predict our life? In this episode of Unbox Yourself, I sit down with Alexandar Partridge, who is one of the Partners at the Council for Human Development to answer this question. Find out more about council for human development here: www.councilforhumandevelopment.org You can send me your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
The first few minutes of this episode might make you feel you’ve heard a similar story – of a person spiraling into a cycle of toxic, unhealthy, unfit relationships, seeking love and validation from someone else because they cannot seem to give it to themselves. But here’s the catch: would your story end with the picture of that person triumphing with a breakthrough transformation – turning into a CEO + Founder, launching a successful podcast, and helping others overcome the same (or worst) challenges by teaching self-work? Well, if it wouldn't, the one you'd listen to today would truly do – quite remarkably so! In this episode of Unbox Yourself, I speak with Bianca Thomas, CEO + Founder of Evolve Ventures Technologies LLC and the co-host of the Evolve Ventures podcast, about her battle with self-doubt and feeling unworthy of love. Sharing every emotional detail of her journey through hardships and the challenging healing process, Bianca reveals why planting an idea of self-love and overcoming unhealthy thought patterns would help you move forward just well in your healing journey.
But how do you break out of your negative thought patterns? Bianca shares a most valuable exercise she practices with her clients to help you through that. It's simple, effective, and probably thought about before – but when she describes it, you can feel yourself unfold genuinely. Listen in to this powerful conversation whenever you get a chance!
A few things you can note right away:
- Our unconscious beliefs run our lives without us even realizing it. They trigger thoughts, which trigger emotions, which in turn cause us to act and behave in specific ways.
- To overcome your internal struggles, you have to break out of any negative thought patterns intrinsically formed in your mind:
-
To break out of negative thought patterns: challenge your thoughts. Ask questions. Ask yourself why you're thinking a certain way. Consider the alternatives. Break out of the loop.
-
Our life and systems are based on the beliefs that we hold for ourselves – formed through our experiences, environment, the messages we are told, and how we interpret + internalize them.
- Overcoming negative thought patterns doesn't mean you won't get them again in life – it instead means when you get them again, you'll know how to handle them.
Meet Bianca!
Bianca is the CEO and Founder of Evolve Ventures Technologies LLC, a Clinical Mental Health Counselor at Transformations Care Network, and the co-host of the Evolve Ventures podcast. She has a Master's in Psychology (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).
Resources Mentioned:
Book: Man’s Search For Meaning by Victor Franklin – https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/1846041244
Connect with Bianca
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bianca-thomas-m-a-336319181/
Connect with Us
You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Until around the age of five, we're all creative, free, and curious about exploring new spaces, chasing what we want in life. But post that is when extreme parenting, social refining, or educational conditioning start to impact us - they teach us what we cannot or should not do… creating internal and external barriers to our thinking, making us lose the creativity and ability to navigate the unknown. But how does this show up in our lives going forward? And how does it seep into our very identities? Comfort. It causes us to seek the comfort of the known, limiting ourselves to what we have seen or are conditioned to see. So when something unknown comes up, we're unsure or afraid to test it. It boils down to limiting one's potential, a topic we're discussing at length in today's episode of Unbox Yourself.
In this episode, Alex and I discuss the formation and essence of our identities. You'll hear how a survival instinct causes us to become comfortable in the known, why we can wear multiple identities as human beings, dropping a narrative or experience when it no longer serves our purpose. Alex also shares why many of us hold on to yesteryear trauma, identifying ourselves with it for the rest of our lives, and when and when not to detach ourselves from it. Sit back and unbox your true potential by dropping suffering and inviting abundance with Alex and me in this episode!
You'll also learn:
- Why your core identity is limitless, devoid of ego, fear, or insecurity. Tapping into it requires leaving behind the shell you're conditioned to be in.
- Why your reasons for choosing certainty over creativity is survival. Called the "island of certainty", survival and security are the two primary reasons people stick with their pre-formed identities, dropping the need to advance into the unknown.
- Operating without a shell requires you to ask the right questions, dig into the "why behind the why behind the why".
- Some of us identify so strongly with our stories that we relive them over and over again. Though people call it their healing journeys, Alex explains that healing often only means processing, that the mistake people make is that they continue healing on their paths for their whole lives.
- Trauma can cause psychological issues in people, making it hard to move forward in their lives. But whenever they can, people can choose to leave it behind and not relive it, learn from it, but not carry it for the rest of their lives. People can form new identities, dropping a previous one they no longer wish to be related to.
- The human need for control causes them to hold onto trauma or negative experiences. A part of them still tries to control what happened, but given that they cannot now, they try to control their understanding of the experiences. But some things are meant to be left as is and grown from – learning to opt out of the prolonged suffering could turn their lives around for the better.
Meet Alex!
Alexander Partridge is a Partner with The Council for Human Development, “a Swiss non-profit organisation dedicated to holistic human development and the future of work”.
Connect with Alex
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexander-partridge-9623a7205?originalSubdomain=uk
Connect with us!
You can send us your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
So many people would ask you to release negative emotions – trauma, pain, unpleasantness, and everything that comes with them. We've believed that all those parts of us that are uncomfortable or less than positive need to be released (which, as our guest shares, doesn't often happen), subsided, or hidden… but have we ever asked ourselves WHY? Why do we keep a part of us in hiding? What does it cost us to have a conversation about our innermost shame, pain, and unpleasantness?
We're discussing all of it in today's episode. As healer and therapist Melissa joins me today, you'll learn to let go of your fears of expressing negative emotions or venturing into the unknown just because they aren’t comfortable. In this episode, Melissa allows me to dig into my deepest fears, get to the root cause of my fear of disappointments, and accept it to move forward in life.
Among the many things discussed are the evolution and the true cost of transactional relationships, the comfort of the familiar and how to break out of it, changing the language you use to speak with yourself, and the need to invite a little bit of imperfection into your life.
PS. You won't just learn the "why's" and "what's", but the "how's" to navigate the process – of accepting the positive and negative sides of you.
You'll also learn: * Melissa believes that we cannot really resolve unpleasant emotions; we have to befriend it, accept it as a part of our being. * The language you use to talk to yourself matters. The pleasant and the unpleasant sides of you all deserve to be loved and honored. * Imperfection makes the perfect possible. By cultivating a little bit of time for yourself to just express your innermost feelings, using small changes instead of drastic ones, you can begin to see how a little bit of imperfection is leading your way to the perfect. * The opposite of love isn't hatred; it's fear, shares Melissa. * Fear is our natural response to wanting to protect ourselves. When it creeps in, it's essential to take the time to assess it. Here are a few things you could do
- Understand and acknowledge how fear shows up in your body – and when you feel it creep in, take a full breath, and ask yourself what it wants you to know. This way, you're interrupting the pattern and allowing yourself to take charge. Allow yourself to feel annoyed if you are. It's part of the process.
- Change the way you talk to yourself when negative emotions crawl into your day. Instead of saying, 'I am angry' or 'I am scared', say, 'Fear is present', or 'Anger is present'.
Meet Melissa! Melissa is a therapist, healer, and co-founder at Re-tribe, a mental health startup.
Connect with Melissa Website: https://re-tribe.com
Connect with Us! You can send us your feedback, thoughts, or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
In this episode of Unbox Yourself, I sit down with Melike Sabak, a clinical psychologist and creator of several programs including one on creativity called Creativity's Path. In this last part of our four part conversation, we talk building an emotional vocabulary as a way to work with difficult emotions.
Find out more about Melike Sabak's work at: https://www.thewaywesee.co.uk
You can send me your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
Success is not just a matter of chance. It is dependent as much on the reasons behind your actions and decisions as your actions themselves. In other words, it depends on how determined you are to achieve your goals in life. Having a strong "why" can help you face the challenges – and knowing the story behind that would bind you to it even more strongly.
In this episode of Unbox Yourself, I sit down with Rodney Moses, a young R&D engineer with a patent to his name and a dream to increase the accessibility of medical devices in developing nations. Narrating the story behind his vision, Rodney shares how his grandmother had to travel to clinics to get even her blood pressure monitored. Realizing the acute shortage of medical equipment and development, Rodney felt his passion for biomedical engineering gradually unfold and, over time, become his most desired goal in life.
In conversation with me, Rodney explains his early life in Zimbabwe, moving to the UK to learn biomedical engineering, the financial, social, and emotional challenges encountered before landing his first job after graduation, and continuing to hold onto his "why" and the "why" BEHIND the "why" to chase + succeed in pursuing his dreams. Listen in!
You'll also learn: * How moving countries allowed Rodney to be more confident, personable, and make friends much faster * Rodney's journey from being bullied as a kid to meeting Richard Branson after qualifying for his university scholarship to working for one of the most prolific biomedical R&D organizations in the world. * Learning to let go of a victim mentality by seeing challenges differently * Maintaining optimism despite the challenges * Knowing your "why" to face your challenges * Understanding that the biggest criticism comes from people who've worked or have less than you do * Increasing the accessibility of medical devices in developing nations * Articulating the "why" behind your "why" to hold onto your passion
About Rodney Rodney Moses is an R&D Engineer at Johnson and Johnson healthcare. He has a Bachelor of Engineering (Hons) with specialization in Biomedical Engineering from Nottingham Trent University, UK.
Connect with Rodney LinkedIn
Connect with us! You can send us your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
In this episode of Unbox Yourself, I sit down with Melike Sabak, a clinical psychologist and creator of several programs including one on creativity called Creativity's Path. In this third part of our four part conversation, we talk about what we can do to be more creative including a simple 3 step process
Find out more about Melike Sabak's work at: https://www.thewaywesee.co.uk
You can send me your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
In this episode of Unbox Yourself, I sit down with Melike Sabak, a clinical psychologist and creator of several programs including one on creativity called Creativity's Path. In this second part of our four part conversation, we talk about how ideas come to us, a 4 stage model to channel your creativity and the right mindset for it.
Find out more about Melike Sabak's work at: https://www.thewaywesee.co.uk
You can send me your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
In this episode of Unbox Yourself, I sit down with Melike Sabak, a clinical psychologist and creator of several programs including one on creativity called Creativity's Path.
In this first part of our four part conversation, we talk about what it means to live a creative life and how creativity holds the power to take us from surviving to thriving.
Find out more about Melike Sabak's work at: https://www.thewaywesee.co.uk
You can send me your feedback, thoughts or questions at info.unbox.you@gmail.com
In this episode of Unbox Yourself, Shivali Beakta sits down with Jake Parton to talk about his journey from depression to gratitude to self love.
Jake overcame depression and suicidal thoughts and went on to create Bullet Proof Mindset which is a personal development brand.
Find out more about BPM at https://www.theofficialbpm.com/about-us/
In this episode of Unbox Yourself, Shivali Beakta sits down with Nick Rothwell to talk about the role of belongingness and tribe/ community to get through difficult times. Nick talks about his personal trials, how he found the strength to overcome them and the meaning of life.
Nick is a former ice hockey player and Sky Sports presenter who found his way out of alcohol and drug abuse to create Re-Tribe, a mental health startup.
Episode Resources:
Find out more about re-tribe at www.re-tribe.com
How can I manage my inner critic? How do I get a handle on this voice of doom and gloom that's in my head? In this episode we talk about one way to engage and manage your inner critic
Why is it hard to get back up when we fail and what can we do about it? In this episode we talk about one of the key things that keeps us down in the dumps and three ideas to help us move forward
Welcome to the Unbox Yourself podcast! In this space everyone is invited to pull up a chair and get into raw, eye-opening conversations about how to be yourself - organically, authentically and unapologetically!