OpenZenTalks: Recent Episodes
TeamZen
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #188 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83326973991?pwd=NzVOTFZSeDh2UFE0YXZnVGhrMWJWZz09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
(00:01:00) Jennifer check-in
(00:03:05) Conferenc eUpdate
(00:04:15) Car stories
(00:08:06) Twin son is gay
(00:25:25) Extra
(00:37:00) when spouse travels
(00:47:30) Doing more
AI Generated summary
Meeting summary for Zen Talk (06/19/2024)
Quick recap
Todd and Jennifer discussed Jennifer’s return to the team, her co-parenting relationship, and how to support their children, including a discussion about her son’s potential sexuality. They also engaged in a light-hearted conversation about parenting and the importance of physical touch, while acknowledging the challenges of having a partner away for extended periods due to work. Lastly, they shared their struggles with balancing work and personal life, the impact of external expectations on self-worth, and the benefits of open discussions about substance use with children.
Next steps
• Jennifer to express support for her son’s sexuality in a casual and non-confrontational way, such as mentioning it’s Pride month or making a casual comment about him dating someone in the future.
• Todd to plan activities and discussions around gender and relationships for the upcoming conference, including a pre-conference workshop for men, a men’s living panel, and sessions with Dr. Solomon.
• Attendees to consider attending both the men’s living weekend and the conference weekend to work on personal growth and relationships.
• Todd and Kathy to explore offering a discount or package deal for men attending both the men’s living weekend and the conference.
• Jacqueline to continue having open conversations with her children about substance use and its effects, using opportunities like car rides.
• Kathy to give Todd time and space to readjust when he returns home from travel, before expecting him to engage fully with her routine and experiences.
Summary
Jennifer’s Return, Divorce, and Parenting Discussion
Todd and Jennifer discussed Jennifer’s recent return to the team after a three-year absence, her amicable divorce, and her co-parenting relationship with her ex-husband. They also discussed upcoming team events, Jennifer’s interest in attending a conference and reconnecting with former colleagues. Lastly, they addressed a minor car accident involving their teenage daughter, highlighting the importance of taking responsibility and notifying the owner in such situations. Todd and Kathy were present to offer support and advice, with Jennifer indicating she had issues to address but was asked to wait by Todd.
Supporting Andrew’s Potential Sexuality
Jennifer shared her concern about her 16-17-year-old son, Andrew’s potential sexuality and her desire to express her support for him. Todd advised her to maintain her current approach, which is not to ask her son about his sexuality, and to continue supporting him as she always has. He emphasized that it’s not necessary for her to make a grand statement or gesture, but rather to allow her son to share his sexuality with her at his own pace. Jennifer appreciated Todd’s perspective and agreed with his approach.
Handling Support for Andrew
Jennifer shared that Andrew had dropped hints about this, and she wasn’t sure whether she should express her support more openly. Todd suggested that it’s best to not pretend and to let things come up naturally, rather than forcing a conversation. They agreed that they should be honest and supportive with Andrew, while respecting his boundaries and privacy.
Parenting, Physical Touch, and Affection
Todd and Jennifer had a light-hearted discussion about parenting, focusing on the importance of physical touch and expressing affection towards children. Todd shared his experiences with his own children and how he shows them love differently based on their personalities and comfort with physical touch. Jennifer agreed and highlighted that her own child values physical affection. Additionally, Jacqueline shared her experiences as a parent of a transgender child, discussing the unique challenges and perspectives it brings. All attendees appreciated the shared experiences and perspectives, acknowledging the positive impact of physical expressions of love in parenting.
Discussing ‘Queer’ Terminology and ‘Woke’ Concept
Todd and Jennifer discussed the use of the term ‘queer’ within the LGTBQ+ community, acknowledging its varying interpretations and the generation divide in its acceptance. Todd indicated his support for the normalization of positive uses of ‘queer’, while Jennifer emphasized the importance of understanding its fluidity. Todd also shared his ongoing education about the term ‘woke’, its origins in the African American community, and its subsequent reclamation. The discussion concluded with an open forum for questions and comments, inviting further insight from Erik.
Partners Away: Balancing Time and Relationships
Todd and Jacqueline discussed the challenges and benefits of having a partner away for extended periods due to work. Jacqueline shared her realization about having more time to focus on herself when Matt, her partner, was away. She also expressed concern about Matt’s potential feeling of being stuck, despite him not listening to the group’s calls. Todd related to Jacqueline’s experience, sharing his own struggles with managing time and ensuring family harmony when his partner was away. Jennifer also contributed her experience of developing independence and confidence when her partner was away on business trips.
Balancing Work and Personal Life Challenges
Jennifer, Jacqueline, and Todd discussed the challenges of balancing work and personal life, particularly in the context of extended periods of separation. Todd shared his struggle with feeling overwhelmed and guilty about not doing enough, despite working on multiple tasks. He also expressed a desire to slow down and enjoy the present moment, but found it challenging to break free from the constant need to be productive. The group offered empathy and understanding, recognizing the complexities of maintaining a well-oiled machine both at home and in the workplace.
Balancing Self-Care and Productivity Struggles
Todd discussed his struggles with finding a balance between self-care and productivity, and the impact of external expectations on his self-worth. He expressed a desire to slow down and reduce internal pressure, but noted that this can be challenging in a society that values constant activity and productivity. He also highlighted the complexity of his own motivations, recognizing that at times he uses busyness as a way to avoid deeper issues. Jacqueline agreed with Todd’s observations, noting that comparison can be detrimental to personal growth.
Substance Use, Parenting, and Conference Focus
Jacqueline shared her positive experience of discussing substance use with her children, following advice from Kathy, and how it initiated insightful conversations with her kids. She also mentioned her decision to stop drinking alcohol, which her children have noticed and are connecting the dots. In response, Todd expressed his support and mentioned that the upcoming conference would focus on gender, relationships, and parenting issues. The group agreed to continue these conversations in future meetings.
Resources
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #187 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83326973991?pwd=NzVOTFZSeDh2UFE0YXZnVGhrMWJWZz09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
7:49 Millie seeks advice on addressing her son’s anxiety, perfectionism, and potential underlying issues related to a past event.
28:35 Karni will have an open discussion with her daughter about feeling guilty or obligated, and explore the root of why her daughter feels this way when asked for favors.
AI Generated summary
Quick recap
The meeting covered arrangements for a music and mindfulness event. Discussions revolved around personal experiences with anxiety, self-doubt, and approaches to addressing emotional challenges. The importance of open communication and empathy in family relationships was also emphasized.
Next steps
• Todd & Cathy will coordinate the conference details, including arranging for pre-conference workshops by the Sisters, Tan, and himself.
• Millie will seek advice on addressing her son’s anxiety, perfectionism, and potential underlying issues related to a past event.
• Todd & Cathy will provide more information about the conference to Mark and others interested in attending.
• Millie will explore ways to help her son Oliver open up and express himself more freely, as she believes he has become self-conscious and closed off in recent years.
• Todd & Cathy will work on addressing the family dynamic and communication patterns that may contribute to Oliver’s self-consciousness, rather than solely focusing on Oliver’s personal struggles.
• Karni will have an open discussion with her daughter about feeling guilty or obligated, and explore the root of why her daughter feels this way when asked for favors.
Summary
Music and Mindfulness Conference Update
Todd & Cathy announced a music and mindfulness conference, with additional workshops and sessions, scheduled for January 24th to 25th, and confirmed that it will take place in the same venue as previous meetings, but upstairs. He also provided an update on Zen Bunny Rabbit Smokey. Millie shared her concerns about one of her twin sons who is struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, and low self-confidence, and recounted a past family event from a summer trip to Minnesota, highlighting a potentially traumatic experience that could have long-lasting effects on their son’s psyche.
Emotionally Focused Repair and Reframing Narratives
Millie expressed her interest in using Emotionally Focused Repair (Emdr) to manage her own emotions, sparking a discussion with Todd & Cathy. Todd & Cathy shared his viewpoint on the importance of reframing past narratives as a form of repair, particularly in relation to parenting. However, he emphasized that this approach should only be undertaken with the consent of all parties involved. Millie agreed, but highlighted the challenge of revisiting traumatic memories, suggesting that the decision to do so should be carefully considered.
Parental Decisions and Children’s Perspectives
Millie and Todd & Cathy had a discussion about a past incident involving a fence they had put up in front of their daughter’s door. Todd & Cathy shared how this decision was made out of exhaustion and lack of better solutions at the time. They both acknowledged that this action may have been seen as unfair by their child. Additionally, Erik shared a similar experience with his first child, where he had put a lock on her door. The conversation emphasized the need to understand the context and challenges parents face in making difficult decisions, while also recognizing the perspectives of children.
Addressing Parenting Traumas and Self-Reflection
Todd & Cathy and Millie discussed the importance of addressing and repairing past parenting traumas without re-traumatizing their children. Todd & Cathy emphasized the need for empathy and self-reflection, sharing his own experiences to illustrate his points. Millie expressed her concerns about gaining her husband’s support for this process, and Todd & Cathy offered alternative methods of addressing the issue if her husband was unwilling to engage. The conversation underscored the distinction between ‘dumping’ and ‘revealing’ traumatic experiences, with the former being an unhealthy way to unload and the latter a more constructive way to share and heal.
Addressing Oliver’s Self-Image Concerns
Millie discussed her concerns about her son Oliver’s self-image and confidence, which she noticed had diminished since he became more self-conscious in second grade. Todd & Cathy suggested a shift in approach to Oliver, emphasizing the importance of reminding him of his inherent strengths rather than trying to change his behavior. Millie agreed to apply this approach in future interactions with her son. The conversation also touched upon the challenges of parenting, with both Millie and Todd & Cathy sharing their own experiences of dealing with self-doubt and insecurities.
Emotional Intelligence and Overcoming Guilt in Helping Relationships
karni sought advice on helping her daughter develop emotional intelligence and address her tendency to feel guilty and ashamed for accepting help. Todd & Cathy emphasized the importance of empathy, understanding, and communication in relationships, and suggested that karni should explore the reasons behind her own guilt feelings. They also discussed societal pressures on women to always please others and the need to challenge these expectations. The pair agreed to approach a situation where a young woman felt unworthy of their help with sensitivity and to communicate that it was acceptable to ask for assistance without feeling guilty. They also recognized the complexity of interpersonal dynamics and the potential for misunderstandings in familial relationships.
Authenticity in Apologies and Exclusions
Todd & Cathy emphasized the importance of authenticity when issuing apologies, advising that they should reflect the actual feelings and situation rather than being used as a general catch-all phrase. He shared his experiences with the overuse and misuse of certain words, such as ‘husband’ and ‘God’. Todd & Cathy also discussed a past incident where he had excluded Erik from an event, before reassuring him of his importance as a guest at future conferences. The group also discussed how apologies are sometimes used to diminish valid issues in both business and family settings.
Rapper Debate and Upcoming Events
Todd & Cathy and Erik had a casual conversation about Todd & Cathy’s recent hairstyle changes and their plans for the evening, which involved attending a Tim McGraw concert. The pair also engaged in a lively debate about the greatest rapper of all time, with Erik suggesting Nas and Todd & Cathy favoring Jay-Z. They further delved into the history and controversies surrounding other prominent rappers like P. Diddy and Dr. Dre. Lastly, Erik shared his connection to the underground Chicago hip-hop scene and plans to share his music on a platform called ‘The Circle’, with scheduling for the next ‘Z Talk’ and a women’s group event.
Resources
Sorry not sorry Ad
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #186 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83326973991?pwd=NzVOTFZSeDh2UFE0YXZnVGhrMWJWZz09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
AI Generated summary
| Name Confusion and Skin Care Discussion | | jennifer and Todd discussed the confusion surrounding their name variations and shared personal anecdotes about their daughter’s acne and their own experiences with cold sores. Todd also welcomed everyone to the meeting and introduced Jen, the team’s aesthetician, who was there to address the skin care industry’s targeting of young girls. Jen then explained her role and the relevance of her presence in the meeting. | | Jennifer’s Insights on Beauty Industry and Parenting | | jennifer, an experienced aesthetician based in Elmhurst, shared her insights and experience in the beauty industry, focusing on her work with makeup and skincare. She defined “Sephora kids” as young individuals, typically aged 6 to 12, who display disrespectful behavior towards the products, testers, and workers at Sephora. jennifer noted that her own children, aged 6 to 12, show a genuine interest in the products without exhibiting such problematic behavior. Todd praised jennifer’s holistic approach and ability to support clients in their skincare goals, without judgment or pressure. | | Skincare Products for Young Skin | | jennifer and Todd discussed the potential harm of using certain skincare products on young children and teenagers. jennifer explained that the skin barrier is essential for maintaining healthy skin, and using retinols, peptides, and other harsh ingredients can damage the skin barrier, potentially leading to premature aging. Todd recalled his own experience as a young athlete, likening the pressure to use certain products prematurely to trying to throw a curveball before his arm was strong enough. jennifer emphasized the importance of using gentle, non-toxic products, and recommended the Environmental Working Group website as a resource for checking the safety of personal care products. | | Cosmetic Procedures and Skincare Discussion | | Todd and jennifer discussed the trend of cosmetic procedures such as lip injections and the potential negative impact it can have on self-esteem, particularly among young girls. jennifer expressed her disapproval of such procedures, advocating for enhancing natural features with lip gloss instead. They highlighted the influence of social media figures like Kylie Jenner on this trend and the importance of being conscious of what is in skincare products, emphasizing the use of vitamin C and retinol, while rejecting sugar and caffeine. | | Safe and Effective Skincare for Young People | | jennifer, karni, and Todd discussed the importance of safe and effective skincare for young people. jennifer emphasized the significance of using products with a simple and natural ingredient list, and avoiding harsh chemicals like fragrances. She also recommended hyaluronic acid for skin hydration, but cautioned that it might be too strong for young skin. Todd shared his daughters’ positive experiences with pimple patches, and jennifer confirmed that these products could be beneficial for acne-prone skin. The group agreed on the need to educate young people about skincare while ensuring they use safe and effective products. | | Makeup Artistry, Pimples, and Skincare | | jennifer talked about her young daughter’s talent for makeup artistry and her plans to enroll her in a summer camp to further develop her skills. Todd asked for advice on treating a pimple, which jennifer advised should be left alone. Lastly, Erik shared his experiences with skincare and Sephora, highlighting that his friends often gift him items, but he doesn’t visit the store frequently. jennifer was present to offer additional insights. Rose, Erik’s sister, was set to share her experiences next. | | Children’s Skincare, Self-Image, and Parenting Balance | | The group engaged in a discussion about children’s habits related to skincare and self-image. Erik shared his personal experience with astringent use. The group acknowledged the addictive and potentially scarring nature of “popping” pimples, and emphasized the importance of finding a balance between self-expression and self-care. They also discussed their children’s interests and the evolving relationship between parents and their children’s hobbies. jennifer stressed the importance of setting boundaries while remaining supportive. | | Age Misconceptions, Makeup, and Perfume | | Erik shared an awkward experience he had at a fundraiser event where he mistook a group of teenage girls for adults, highlighting the challenges of distinguishing age in appearance alone. jennifer then discussed her personal philosophy on makeup, emphasizing its potential as a confidence booster and a natural enhancer of one’s features. She also provided recommendations for young individuals starting with creative makeup application, suggesting the Beauty Counter line. Later, Todd introduced a perfume brand, Henry James, that offers non-gender-specific scents, providing an alternative to traditional perfumes that often contain problematic ingredients. jennifer confirmed her positive experience with the same brand’s products. | | Discussing Makeup and Parental Involvement | | Todd and jennifer discussed the societal expectations surrounding appearance, particularly for women, and the impact this has on their daughters’ self-confidence. They shared their personal experiences with makeup and discussed its usage, highlighting the importance of clean beauty products and being diligent in reading labels. They also emphasized the need for open communication and understanding between parents and children regarding exposure to makeup and appearance culture. The discussion concluded with personal anecdotes and an appreciation for the meaningful conversation. |
Resources
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #185 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83326973991?pwd=NzVOTFZSeDh2UFE0YXZnVGhrMWJWZz09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
6:58 Teenage son connects with us, more than friends
12:37 Renegade 6th grade boys defying authority
20:41 Phone addiction
44:18 Straight & cisgender teenage son feeling not being looked out for through the lens of society
1:04:03 Teenage son is not doing great outside the home, but not interacting with us at home
Resources
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #184 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83326973991?pwd=NzVOTFZSeDh2UFE0YXZnVGhrMWJWZz09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
(00:02:38) Teenage Romance
(00:29:00) Dad is anxious
Resources
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #183 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83326973991?pwd=NzVOTFZSeDh2UFE0YXZnVGhrMWJWZz09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:00 Check-in
27:54 How to connect with my daughter when she doesn’t want to
46:30 The difference in how kids learn today vs a generation ago
Resources
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of “The One About Romance” or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Resources
Listen To This One With Your Partner- Podcast #378
Emotional Labor is an Unpaid Job- Podcast #405
How Do I Get My Partner To….- Podcast# 423
Real-Time Emotional Labor- Podcast #440
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #182 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:19 Centering
1:33 Where do you clench?
11:20 Setting healthy driving boundaries with a 16 year old
23:47 Balancing the roles of early parenthood
37:30 The aggressive nature of rec league sports for my 13 year old
Resources
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Finance #4 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Let me know if you’d like to be added to this micro-community
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
1:06 Retirement- Conversions using a vehicle called a Cash Balance
15:40 Where can a Cash Balance be used
20:49 Money management software
33:25 Where a 19-20 year old should put a few thousand dollars
36:42 Lessons on teaching kids about compound interest
51:14 Crypto
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #181 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
6:09 Check-in
14:48 8 year old daughter not wanting to talk about feelings
28:35 15 year old son refusing to go to school
48:48 11 year old son- is he depressed?
1:11:55 School? Home school? Unschool?
Resources
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #180 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:00 Centering
10:27 18 year old daughter blaming coach and doubting herself
28:15 9 year old boy being defiant
Resources
Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Finance #1 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Let me know if you’d like to be added to this micro-community
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
00:03 529’s
00:12 rollover limits
00:14 life insurance
00:26 more 529’s (goals)
00:35 529 portfolio adjustment as the kids get closer to college
00:37 FASFA
00:45 unclaimed assets
00:47 end of the year tips
Hi everybody,
- Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #176 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:00 Opening-Advice for the boys
23:09 Check-in favorite book or karaoke song
31:20 Abusive in-laws
1:08:05 College prep
Resources
Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #176 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:00 Opening-
1:58 Favorite place to visit
11:34 Fentanyl & Weed
26:Upcoming events
25:24 Holiday stress
43:28 Marriage issues
Resources
Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #176 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
Resources
Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Finance #1 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Let me know if you’d like to be added to this micro-community
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:00 Centering/Intro/Check-in
11:14 The Index Card: Why Personal Finance Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated
14:40 Individual stocks vs mutual/index funds
21:16 Taxes
34:49 401 K fees
44:32 Wash sale rules
45:37 Business revenue for managing 401k plans
52:22 Advocate for 401k fees
Hi everybody,
- Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Finance #1 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Let me know if you’d like to be added to this micro-community
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:00 Centering/Intro/Check-in
9:55 David intro
12:45 What’s a fiduciary vs a personal financial advisor
15:08 Using broker check
22:39 The question you must ask your financial advisor
27:45 How do you think about social impact or general ESG strategies in your portfolio selection?
33:32 Active vs passive investing
37:53 How do we research what hidden fees could be in our 401k account?
41:28 Can fiduciaries pick stocks for clients if that’s what they want in their portfolio?
45:32 Can you speak to real estate investment/rentals vs investing in the stock market
51:35 Role of AI
54:20 Does anyone have budgeting software they love? I use mint right now and its okay.
Hi everybody,
- Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #176 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:23 Centering
3:45 Team Zen Update
4:42 Zen Parenting 2024- Parent”teen”
7:52 Parent Created Drama
28:39 Resolving vs Understanding
40:15 College Freshman Transitions
Resources
Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #175 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
1:15 Centering
4:52 13 year old with social anxiety
28:02 Healing past wounds from growing up in a highly controlled church
Resources
6 Steps to Reduce Anxiety Podcast #724
Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #174 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
4:21 Centering
8:08 Tik Tok time limits
18:11 Time limits Part 2
22:12 Notifications
26:43 Infants
34:02 Kids Youtube
35:56 Creating new tech agreements
42:52 GAB (phones for shildren)
49:28 Fantasy Football
56:29 Big Announcement
Resources
https://devorahheitner.com/growing-up-in-public/#preorder@devorahheitnerPhD
Register now for the Zen Parenting 2024
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Discussion & Time Stamps 2:37 Kids leave for college 20:35 7th grader getting into the "wrong" class (separate from friends) 47:00 Parenting tip- Say "that sucks" 48:36 Empathy & poker face
Discussion & Time Stamps 3:02 Centering 13:10 Hunter's acronym C.L.E.A.R 22:09 Panic attacks 31:55 Accepting positive feedback
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:18 What's your number? 8:32 Gaddis discussion 16:56 Richard Reeves 31:11 8 year old daughter acting out 33:21 20 year old son is "stuck" 45:53 17 year old son is using weed/booze and not sure how to deal
Hi everybody,
Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here. Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #170 or listen on the podcast app from your phone. Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room. The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
Resources
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Banter 3:21 Sarah Ezrin introduction 7:17 Introductions 10:18 Centering 12:11 I have anxiety for the challenges facing my 14 year old son and his generation 19:29 Dealing with conflict- Addressing another mom’s irresponsible behavior 35:12 Daughter is moving from sports to the arts and I'm struggling
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #168 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:40 Centering
2:47 Todd’s venting
13:35 My first born is about to show up and I feel overwhelmed
24:48 My first born is graduating high school 🙁
29:17 My son is injured and I’m worried about him over-identifying as an athlete
45:39 I want my kids to clean up, but I don’t want to be a nag
Resources
Deepest Acceptance- Radical Awakening in an Ordinary Life
How to Support a Loved one in Pain? – Jeff Foster
How We Avoid the Rise of Another ‘Andrew Tate’
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #167 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:00 Centering
4:09- Todd’s story of the two boys
11:00 Alpha and the Beta male
16:18 Manbox- Sports tied to identity
24:17- Introverted sons
35:17 stats on boys and men
41:04 Mask You Live in Trailer
48:25 Ways to connect with our sons
1:00:11 Positive male role models
1:13:00 12 year old son is hitting 10 year old sister
1:18:09 Millie wisdom
Resources
Andrew Tate as a Teachable Moment
How We Avoid the Rise of Another ‘Andrew Tate’
Andrew Tate’s Most Controversial Opinions!!!– Tate is best known for his controversial views on various topics, including feminism, race, and mental health. He has been criticized for promoting toxic masculinity and for making misogynistic and racist comments. Despite the controversy, Tate has a significant following on social media platforms such as Instagram, where he shares fitness advice, motivational messages, and his opinions on various topics.
Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is struggling, Why That Matters, and What to Do about It.
The mind-blowing stats on male inequality Richard Reeves
The Bystander Moment Documentary
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
12:08:32 From Elaine Vaughan : 11 and 15…helping them show up as themselves in a world that is expecting so much of them
12:08:55 From Daryn : 18, 16….sons showing/expressing vulnerability and being able to ask for help.
12:09:08 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Twin 11-year-old sons. One struggles with anxiety, a perfectionistic tendency, and an extremely low self image.
12:09:15 From Malini DiClemente : 16, 14, 12
Two oldest boys don’t interact, show vulnerability, ask for help
12:09:35 From sally (she/her) : 14 and 16….hard being vulnerable limited communication, substance use
12:09:42 From Jolene Lorimer : 6, 12, and 14….they are all very different and need different things
12:09:44 From geoff : Gabe is 10 yrs old. Biggest challenge is maybe confidence…and feeling a lack of having a circle of close friends.
12:09:49 From Laura Cutlip : 13 – not interested in doing anything we say, arguing
12:09:49 From Alicia Schultz : Charlie is 8. Sam is 5. Sam has some really big emotions and has started getting in Charlie’s face about it. He’s modeling Charlie. Charlie gets really angry and has kept himself from getting physical by invading personal space with an angry look on his face and growling.
12:09:55 From Alyssa : 17…..making friends
12:10:03 From Missy Miculka : Almost 15…connecting with him and nurturing what we have…helping him to be himself with regard to trying to be like others- can be good and can be tricky
12:10:15 From victoria : 12, struggles with emotional regulation and being able to express feelings and communicate better with others instead of lashing out, hitting sister….
12:10:27 From Lindsay Garfield : I do not have sons but I teach in an alternative program that is predominately young men. I look forward to hearing from everyone about vulnerability and connection.
12:10:34 From Erin Kuhn-Krueger : 10, 8 and 5 Anxiety, leaning in to who they are and not who the world think they should be/act (2 of 3 are differently wired)
12:11:47 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : I always have shit to say…ty for this.
12:11:49 From Mimi : 12 not big on social interaction with other kids. Keeps to himself . Not sure if he has any social anxiety or if it’s who he is . He’s definitely an introvert
12:11:55 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : Oh behalf of all of us!
12:12:19 From Missy Miculka : Also talking about dating
12:13:10 From Malini DiClemente : Still here just at work so cannot video
12:17:40 From Elaine Vaughan : And getting these boys to understand that the girls around them have both, the hard, outer shell and the softer middle…
12:19:00 From Erik Treese he/him : Man Box – strong, successful, powerful, dominating, fearless, in control, and emotionless
12:19:08 From Malini DiClemente : Boys always play sports, and not just any sports but contact sports mainly
12:19:21 From Malini DiClemente : And real boys don’t dance
12:20:01 From Elaine Vaughan : Yes, Malini…they get asked ”what sports do you play?” Instead of “what are your interests?”
12:20:09 From Daryn : Man box. ..suck it up. don’t show fear, don’t show emotion, carry everything off like it’s easy. Don’t share anything with your friends, except jokes and ribbing.
12:20:19 From geoff : Gabe isn’t too much on one end of the spectrum (alpha/beta)…and maybe a lot on the beta side. Not sure if/how this impacts his confidence (which is low)
12:21:14 From Malini DiClemente : I agree 100%. No empathy from my oldest at all
12:21:49 From Erik Treese he/him : Man box… men have blinders on to whats around them
12:21:50 From Alicia Schultz : That language of blinders is super helpful. My oldest is lacking in empathy too.
12:22:28 From Malini DiClemente : Though he has some form of empathy with our dog
12:22:43 From Malini DiClemente : Reacted to “Man box. ..suck it …” with 👌
12:22:57 From Malini DiClemente : Replying to “Yes, Malini…they get…”
Yes
12:22:58 From victoria : I wonder if the lack of empathy is because my son is so self involved or because of shame. usually the shame is when he feels like he did something wrong…
12:23:38 From Daryn : another example of a young teenager male versus female. When my son went through a breakup he was suffering on his own (with us trying to support) With a female, more likely for her to get support and process it with her girlfriends.
12:23:42 From Alicia Schultz : Reacted to “I wonder if the lack…” with 👍
12:23:46 From Elaine Vaughan : 12 is pretty egocentric still, naturally…so empathy is still developing, imho
12:23:56 From sally (she/her) : Stop running and playing and being silly and laughing unless using substances or being sarcastic or joke insulting friends…Sharing only Bruh…fine…chill….saunter walk like your not in a hurry.
12:24:11 From Elaine Vaughan : Re: Victoria, maybe it’s not either…shame or self involvement…it just “is”
12:24:32 From Alicia Schultz : Replying to “I wonder if the lack…”
My oldest hates to do things wrong too. I can empathize because mistakes are like a knife to my heart myself. That’s an interesting viewpoint about the shame. Thanks for sharing.
12:24:54 From victoria : Replying to “Re: Victoria, maybe …”
true. I guess that’s my struggle trying to ‘fix’
12:25:13 From Elaine Vaughan : Replying to “Re: Victoria, maybe …”
OMG>>>yes. Me too. We love them so much we just want to fix.
12:25:39 From Alicia Schultz : Replying to “12 is pretty egocent…”
That’s so good to know. Would love a raising healthy sons chat about helping younger kids develop empathy, with practical tips.
12:26:10 From Elaine Vaughan : Replying to “12 is pretty egocent…”
Love this idea, writing it down for next meeting.
12:26:37 From Alicia Schultz : Reacted to “Love this idea, writ…” with ❤️
12:27:17 From Elaine Vaughan : Replying to “12 is pretty egocent…”
I think we often “expect” more than they are capable of. I will bring in some data around it too, ty for this!
12:28:00 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Speaking of expectations of boys and sports, I was SO pleased to see in my teen daughter’s recent high school dance show that there were a bunch of guys in it. One senior, I learned, is also a football player and he rocks on the dance stage! I love that he claims both these sides of himself and is comfortable demonstrating both.
12:28:47 From Erik Treese he/him : Reacted to “Stop running and pla…” with 👍🏻
12:28:56 From Erik Treese he/him : Reacted to “another example of a…” with 👍🏻
12:29:05 From Erik Treese he/him : Reacted to “I wonder if the lack…” with 👍🏻
12:29:34 From Alyssa : I’m also worried with my son not being socially comfortable around peers- he doesn’t seem to make close friends. (17)
12:29:35 From Erik Treese he/him : Reacted to “Speaking of expectat…” with 😀
12:32:09 From victoria : Reacted to “OMG>>>yes. Me too. …” with ❤️
12:32:47 From Missy Miculka : Malini, would he be open to trying a club or non-sport activity at High school?
12:33:13 From Erin Kuhn-Krueger : If sports are no longer his thing, is there another activity/interest that he’d like to get involved in instead? Maybe it isn’t even at school. connecting online is helpful and safe feeling for my kids.
12:33:16 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : Is it worthwhile to bring up that all kids come to us with their “own” level of introversion/extraversion, emotionality and self-regulation…sometimes we think they want something they really don’t…I’m not sure if this makes sense…I feel like there is a lot of projection I guess.
12:33:34 From Erin Kuhn-Krueger : Replying to “If sports are no lon…”
For me, too, it is letting go (and sometimes grieving) of MY expectations and experiences from high school.
12:34:38 From Alicia Schultz : My husband is also very introverted and is totally happy with a select few friends. And he prefers to have small group, online, or 1-1 hangouts. He basically never attends big group stuff.
12:35:23 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : I second what you said!
12:39:53 From Missy Miculka : That is an incredible stat!
12:44:32 From Daryn : If we know that teen and young men isolate and want to separate from their parents. (And we need to listen more than talk) HOW do we help the boys find more support and other male mentors. I have a close friend who has twins and her h.s. senior son is really struggling and lacking support (peer and adult male) She is a single mom.
12:49:24 From Elaine Vaughan : Is this helping connection…or creating disconnection…yes.
12:53:53 From Malini DiClemente : No for my boys unfortunately
12:54:24 From Jolene Lorimer : Mentors/positive role models is something we are always looking for. Agree so important
12:55:14 From Malini DiClemente : How can we help them be friends with girls? Because I completely agree
12:56:28 From Malini DiClemente : Yes. No coaches are helpful
12:57:00 From Erik Treese he/him : Father-Son Weekend June 9-11 East Troy, WI https://www.fathersonweekend.com
12:57:45 From Alicia Schultz : Reacted to “Father-Son Weekend
…” with ❤️
12:58:00 From Malini DiClemente : No Elaine you are not
12:58:33 From Alicia Schultz : Do we need a mindful mentor questionnaire? “I just need to fill this out before you mentor my kid.”
13:00:08 From Missy Miculka : Daryn, that is so true…the single moms need help connecting boys with good mentors, and may not have good men nearby
13:00:56 From Elaine Vaughan : I hear you Malini…I was willing to take a risk…not tryingg to speak for you or all…just my experiences and those I know that I’m willing to share.
13:03:48 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : We’ve talked a lot about him in RHS
13:03:54 From Missy Miculka : We like Will Tennyson (he’s a bodybuilder who is so positive and funny)!
13:05:29 From Alicia Schultz : Last of US!
13:06:59 From Alicia Schultz : Awwww
13:08:37 From victoria : barack obama, prince harry…
13:09:10 From sally (she/her) : Ted Lasso
13:09:47 From Alicia Schultz : Shaun T is a Beach Body (now BODi) coach that I like who is positive and male.
13:09:52 From geoff : @sally 👍 to Ted lasso
13:10:21 From Alicia Schultz : Reacted to “Ted Lasso” with ❤️
13:10:25 From Alicia Schultz : Reacted to “barack obama, prince…” with ❤️
13:11:02 From Alicia Schultz : Can me move this list to a post in CIRCLE so we can reference and add to it over time?
13:11:09 From geoff : Unfortunately I have to jump…I’ll be mindful to call length next time. Thanks Todd and all!
13:11:49 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : OK, I want to say something…shocker! It won’t be controversial, I promise…it’s backing up something you said.
13:15:39 From Alicia Schultz : Gotta run! This has been great. Thank you!
13:16:17 From Missy Miculka : I have to run, thanks so much!!!
13:29:17 From Lindsay Garfield : I have to head out as well, thank you and Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there.
13:29:53 From Daryn : “snips and snails and puppy dog tails
13:30:01 From Malini DiClemente : Thank u!
13:30:19 From Daryn : Thank you for being here for us today!
13:30:33 From Daryn : Maybe we can ask our boys for the role models too
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #166 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- I’ll be leading an “Understanding Our Sons” Zen Talk with Dr. John Duffy in May), check the ZenTalk Calendar on the Circle platform.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
2:25 Boarding School for my 14 year old son
25:55 Porn
31:35 Alcohol
47:17 Curfew
Resources
Teenage Wisdom Podcast #420
Listen, Allow, Support, Repeat
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
12:02:54 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : Victoria was a great participant on our RHS micro talk!
12:04:58 From Todd Adams : who wants to go after karni?
12:07:17 From Elaine Vaughan : Reacted to “who wants to go afte…” with 👍
12:15:38 From Matt McGarr : I just want to tell Victoria I love her plants
12:15:58 From Elaine Vaughan : I second that.
12:16:12 From victoria : Replying to “I second that.” it’s a fake background!
12:16:12 From Matt McGarr : I see that monsterr\a😍
12:16:16 From Matt McGarr : lol!
12:16:18 From Matt McGarr : I take it back
12:17:41 From Elaine Vaughan : How does your husband feel about it?
12:21:50 From Elaine Vaughan : If you aren’t gung ho Karni, does he receive that as you aren’t supporting him? Like is this a power struggle?
12:27:07 From Elaine Vaughan : I have a quick one…
12:28:29 From karni : If anyone has experience with college sports would love for you to message me. Thx!
12:28:30 From Elaine Vaughan : This was a great discussion…it sorta turned into what is “enabling” something we don’t want them to do…it went into drinking, etc. Great exploration…or how to disallow, and allow the curiosity kids have.
12:39:46 From Matt McGarr : well said, Kathy. Involve them in the process.
12:39:56 From Matt McGarr : Cathy
12:44:24 From Matt McGarr : If we have time, I’d love to hear Todd talk about when his girls began dating. Now that I am about to be a father, I can already feel myself transforming into “protective dad” and I don’t like it, lol.
12:50:55 From Mary McDonough (she/her) : I have a 17-yr old daughter (and a 13-yr old son). This is with regard to the 17-yr old daughter – Though I sometimes do stay up, I ask her to always wake me up when she gets home.
12:53:15 From Mary McDonough (she/her) : Elaine: “….where I’m going to locate myself in all of this.” I love that!
12:55:21 From Elaine Vaughan : LISTEN TO HIM ON DHRU PRUOIT! This week!
12:56:09 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Sorry that I gotta run to an appointment. Always love seeing/hearing you guys.
12:56:20 From Mary McDonough (she/her) : Reacted to “Sorry that I gotta r…” with 👍
12:56:28 From Matt McGarr : My mom paid my brother to hold off for X amount of years on getting (more) tattoos when he was a young adult. He as glad she did
12:56:34 From Matt McGarr : was
12:56:44 From karni : Reacted to “Sorry that I gotta r…” with ❤️
12:58:40 From Carrie Kelleher – Chicago : But also I have a girl and a boy, and my boy is NOT typical boy. Wise, gentle, not a bull in a china shop…So sometimes it doesn’t play out that way.
12:58:50 From Matt McGarr : Reacted to “But also I have a gi…” with ❤️
12:59:13 From Todd Adams : https://zenparentingradio.com/podcasts/420/ https://zenparentingradio.com/podcasts/listen-allow-support-repeat-episode-244/
12:59:17 From victoria : Reacted to “But also I have a gi…” with ❤️
12:59:51 From Elaine Vaughan : GREAT BOOK! Use Blinkist…app that synopses nonfiction books.
13:01:12 From Elaine Vaughan : Does he have a book too?
13:01:42 From Todd Adams : domitrz
13:03:53 From karni : Thank you !!
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #165 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- I’ll be leading an “Understanding Our Sons” Zen Talk with Dr. John Duffy in May), check the ZenTalk Calendar on the Circle platform.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
9:55 Is dementia happening now more than when we grow up?
19:08 Advice for a first time parent?
25:43 Pivot!!!
30:49 Any regrets as you cared for your mom in her last stages of life?
34:17 Succession spoiler
38:20 End of spoiler
42:17 Should I have been more assertive when I was caring for my mom?
48:10 “Woo woo” experiences
Resources
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
13:07:40 From Todd Adams : please check in via chat with your name, where you’re zooming in from, where you are emotionally 0 = terrible, 10 = wonderful. and if you have a question, need support, etc.
13:08:31 From Matt McGarr : Matt McGarr from Fort Pierce, FL. 9 :). If a question comes to me, I will let you know!
13:09:35 From Elaine Vaughan : Elaine, from Wilmette IL, 8…love the idea of laughing!
13:09:57 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Millie Hsi from San Francisco Bay Area. I’m at an 8 today.
13:10:12 From Aimee Markelz : Aimee Tracy, zooming from my car in Chicago, I’d say a 9 today. I lost my mom to dimentia in 2016. No questions yet…
13:11:32 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : Did their mom (sisters’ mom) pass?
13:12:19 From Elaine Vaughan : Dementia used to just be called being “old”.
13:12:42 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Isn’t Alzeimer’s just a subset of the category of dementia. It’s like understanding other profiles of any category more nowadays.
13:17:42 From Todd Adams to Elaine Vaughan(Direct Message) : yup
13:17:54 From Todd Adams : Stay physically active: Regular physical activity, such as walking, swimming, or cycling, can improve blood flow to the brain and help maintain cognitive function. Keep your brain active: Engaging in mentally stimulating activities, such as reading, learning a new skill, or playing games, can help keep the brain active and potentially reduce the risk of developing dementia. Eat a healthy diet: Eating a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats may help reduce the risk of developing dementia. Manage chronic conditions: Conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, and high cholesterol can increase the risk of developing dementia. Managing these conditions through medication, lifestyle changes, and regular check-ups with your doctor may help lower the risk. Maintain social connections: Staying socially engaged and maintaining close relationships with family and friends may help reduce the risk of developing dementia. Get enough sleep: Getting enough restful sleep is
13:20:12 From Matt McGarr : Lauren has a young baby, right? I always like to hear form people who are one stage ahead of where I am. It would be fun to hear about how her experience has been so far. If she could give advice to herself from before the baby was born, what would it be?
13:21:13 From Todd Adams to Matt McGarr(Direct Message) : you willing to ask yourself. i like it better when you all chime in
13:21:18 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : https://www.bluezones.com/
13:26:24 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : I’ve got something to comment on and to ask after Matt.
13:26:28 From Todd Adams to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : u got something in case we need it?
13:32:09 From Todd Adams : who wants to go after Millie?
13:35:30 From Elaine Vaughan : I will
13:38:01 From Matt McGarr : Cathy, Todd, it was fun listening to the podcast you had both your parents on, especially after having the context of knowing that they both had since passed, and how that was for you guys.
13:40:57 From Todd Adams to Elaine Vaughan(Direct Message) : you’re next
13:47:45 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : This may require another Zoom, but I know that at the end of the podcast with Lauren and Michelle, they alluded to some experiences they’ve had since their mom died which would be considered more woo-woo. I’m so curious to know what they experienced, because I’ve had my own after my Dad’s death. And they’ve been so comforting bc I feel his presence in my life all the time.
13:48:08 From Matt McGarr : I want to hear about the woo-woo experiences too!
13:48:22 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Reacted to “I want to hear about…” with 👍
14:01:54 From Matt McGarr : I just added the podcast to my podcast app!
14:02:34 From Elaine Vaughan : So refreshing today! TYTY!
14:02:38 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Thank you very much, Michelle and Lauren! So loved talking with you guys.
14:02:53 From Elaine Vaughan : How do you stay up that late? LOL
14:03:25 From Aimee Markelz : Thank you Lauren & Michelle! Wonderful to listen in & connect over zoom. Thanks Todd & Cathy too!
14:03:33 From Matt McGarr : Thanks guys! This was great!
14:03:40 From Elaine Vaughan : You both are wonderful! Loved today.
14:04:21 From Jamie : Thank you so much! This was great!
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #163 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Lots of things coming up Cathy’s women’s group tomorrow and I’ll be leading an “Understanding Our Sons” Zen Talk with Dr. John Duffy in May), check the ZenTalk Calendar on the Circle platform.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
4:08 Lack of therapists
5:15 Are we over-pathologizing our girls
8:00 Weight loss drugs
9:25 Are we blaming our girls
13:00 Ages of daughters of the people on the call
17:13 Asked Jacey Adams (20 years old) what kids are struggling with
26:49 13 year old daughter- how much do i push to get the conversation started
33:09 17 year old daughter struggling with anxiety, depression, and disordered eating. Should I push therapy onto her?
43:39 19 year old with anxiety/depression/suicidal ideation- how hard should i push her to start doing doing “adult things?”
55:32 Navigating body image for my 16 year old daughter
1:09:44 How can I be a better father to my unborn daughter?
1:21:36 Positive things from Gen Z
Resources
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Our next Zen talk #164 is TBD
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #163 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
3:00 Slow family movement
15:24 Nervous system
23:37 Regulated/dysregulated
30:09 11 year old son experiencing dysregulation
43:04 Youtube video of dad with infant daughter
56:20 14 year old insulting
Resources
Dr. Carrie Contey
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Our next Zen talk #163 featuring will be on Thursday, March 16th @ 12 PM Central on zoom
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #162 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:00 Tornadoes
1:46 Announcements
9:40 Centering
12:08 Chat GPT
20:48 Vocal fry
25:06 IA legislation
29:59 2 year old is annoying me
37:04 18 year old daughter is being yelled at by her boyfriend
51:02 What is it were a boy?
53:42 7 year old melt-down filled with blame
Resources
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- The links to Shefali’s new book The Parenting Map and upcoming summit PARENTING MASTERY 2023
are hyperlinked. - Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Our next Zen talk #162 will be on Tuesday, March 7th @ 12 PM Central on zoom
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #161 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
1:00 Centering
2:48 Boundaries
10:31 Porn
16:15 Ex-husband and his new girlfriend
25:06 How do I support my daughters in therapy?
30:36 My 12 year old’s anger holds us hostage
36:54 I’m worried about my son in a way that I’m not worried about my daughter
48:23 Should I seek outside support for my sons?
Resources
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Do you know there is a private feed for all Zen Talks so you can easily access all Zen Talks on your phone? Instructions can be found here.
- Our next Zen talk #161 will be on Tuesday, March 7th @ 12 PM Central on zoom
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #160 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:00 Welcome & Team Zen Circle Update
6:54 Centering
11:20 My daughter is dealing with anemia + bonus discussion on web MD
24:57 I have a problem with my 11 yr old son’s practice schedule
46:35 Should my 3rd grade son switch schools?
Resources
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Hope you enjoy our very first TZO (Team Zen Only) Podcast where we discussed the differences between intuition and fear.
- Our next Zen talk #160 will be on Tuesday, February 7th @ 12 PM Central on zoom
- You can quickly look up topics on previous Zen Talks by using the search function in the Circle platform
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Hi everybody,
- Our next Zen talk #160 will be on Tuesday, February 7th @ 12 PM Central on zoom
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #159 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- You can quickly look up topics on previous Zen Talks by watching this short video.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:00 Welcome & Team Zen Circle Update
4:58 Centering
9:54 Breaking up twins in school or not?
20:23 Willful 7 year old daughter is sometimes defiant and unwilling to listen
32:48 Should I advocate for my 8th grader at school or let her advocate for herself
45:52 14 year old son feels pressured and his grades are below our expectations
Resources
WOMEN TALKING | Official Trailer
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Our next Zen talk #159 will be on Tuesday, January 24th @ 12 PM Central on zoom
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #157 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- You can quickly look up topics on previous Zen Talks by watching this short video.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:00 Intro
6:33 The Dorsal vagal (back side) of the vagus nerve responds to cues of danger. How does this knowledge help us in conflict?
14:06 When in stress, I lose my ability to communicate and my partner over-communicates with words
27:35: When the other person won’t change
36:10 The danger of looking up to people
40:22 When people are teaching you knowledge that you already know
47:25 Todd reveals projection onto Jayson
49:59 How does Jayson show up in relationship with his wife?
52: 09 How to do feedback
Resources
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/
Getting To Zero- An Interview With Jayson Gaddis- Podcast #621
Connection Is Food- An Interview with Relationship Experts Jayson Gaddis and Ellen Boeder- Podcast #444
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Chat
Hi everybody,
- You will all be getting an email from me on Monday, December 26th with an invitation to Team Zen 2.0!!! We are switching platforms from facebook, website, and everything else. It is a one stop shop for everything we offer (including as an app on your phone). It will make your experience much easier. No extra cost to you, but it will be our main way of consuming all Team Zen content. Stay tuned…
- Our next Zen talk #158 will be on Wednesday, January 11th SPECIAL TIME 2 PM Central featuring Jayson Gaddis author of Getting to Zero
- We answered one question after we were done recording since we couldn’t fit it into the Zen Talk. The topic was Teenage Sons Disconnecting from Each Other and Me
- We have four Micro-community (Separation/Divorce, Addicted love ones, Raising healthy sons, Differently wired kids). Email me if you’d like to be added to any of the distribution lists.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #157 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- You can quickly look up topics on previous Zen Talks by watching this short video.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
1:04 Centering
5:29 Check-in
9:32 Inductive Discipline
13:00 Toddlers vs teenagers
20:26 Helping kids learn to express their feelings
25:17 Practicing emotional intelligence
33:50 Reinforcement ratios
38:50 Sorry not sorry
46:25 Book Recs
48:32 Grief
54:44 Bullying
Resources
You can quickly look up topics on previous Zen Talks by watching this short video.
Zen Talk Searchable Directory
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Chat
12:09:08 From Dawnelda McInnis : Good Morning! Logged in at work. From Calgary, AB, Canada. Two kids, 15 year old son, 12 year old daughter. Currently not many challenges, just feeling the passing of time flying by!
12:09:54 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Hey gang, I’m sorry that I have a situation that I am dealing with so can’t get on screen. But here’s my info: In SF Bay Area in California. Three kids: almost 16-year-old and twin 10-year olds. Dealing with debilitating anxiety in one of our sons.
12:09:57 From Alicia Schultz : Had a very rough night (sick kid), so no video or talk today.
12:12:10 From Alicia Schultz : I’m Alicia From Wauwatosa WI. I have two kids ages 5 and 8. We homeschool. Biggest challenge right now is that my 8yo is great at expressing his emotions, but he’s directing at the family when angry. So I’m looking for language on how to help him learn some emotional control and how directing anger at others is not good (without making him feel bad about himself).
12:20:25 From Todd Adams : who would like to ask a question of something you might be working through?
12:22:49 From Alicia Schultz : Thank you. I’ve been following Cathy and Todd since he was 6months old.
12:23:19 From Alicia Schultz : Yeah yeah yeah
12:23:31 From Alicia Schultz : I feel like it is often other things that get launched into anger
12:24:11 From Alicia Schultz : Making a plan. I like that. I think he’d like that.
12:25:04 From Alicia Schultz : Yes!
12:25:09 From Alicia Schultz : Thank you.
12:25:26 From Elaine Vaughan : Thoughts on when it’s been more like 2 (positive) to 10 (negative) and repair? (I have to do some repair today with my teen!)
12:51:37 From Jenn Kovacs : That episode of Anderson Cooper’s podcast is one of my favorite pods of the year.
12:51:47 From Jenn Kovacs : I have recommended it multiple times
12:52:15 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Anderson Cooper podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stephen-colbert-grateful-for-grief/id1643163707?i=1000580162304
12:52:18 From Alicia Schultz : Can you share that Grief title again?
12:53:07 From Millie Hsi (she, her, hers) : Alicia: The After Grief (https://www.amazon.com/AfterGrief-Finding-Your-Along-Long/dp/0399179801/ref=sr_1_1?crid=35QY5D98GHT12&keywords=the+after+grief&qid=1671475808&s=books&sprefix=the+after+grief%2Cstripbooks%2C162&sr=1-1)
12:54:14 From Alicia Schultz : Thanks!
12:55:38 From Jenn Kovacs : thank you
12:59:04 From Alicia Schultz : I hate the question of “what do you want to be when you grow up” because I think the question of “what kind of person do you want to be” is a more important one.
13:00:56 From Alicia Schultz : Thank you! This was great!
13:01:28 From Kristen : Thank you!! Always a great discussion with this group
Cathy and I took about 12 minutes answering a question about “Teenage Sons Disconnecting from Each Other and Me”
Show Notes:
Click Here to catch the video version of this discussion.
My eldest son (I have 3) turns 16 this Friday. And my youngest son started Middle School this fall. I feel I have been struggling more than usual these past few months about them all getting older. More specifically, about them all getting farther away from me and seemingly farther away from each other. While intellectually, I know this is ‘normal’ for their ages in regards to becoming more independent from parents, I worry about them growing apart from each other. Especially my oldest, who really DOES NOT interact, or even acknowledge the existence of his younger brothers (this has been going on since he started middle school). I think I worry more because they are boys, and when boys become men it is harder for them to stay closer? While I try to foster space for them in our home to express their feelings and show affection/love/closeness with us and within their relationships, the emotional distance between them all seems to be growing. I feel like my worry is making everything harder and worse for all of them, including my husband. I feel I am complicating everyone’s life in my immediate family, and therefore losing out on the JOY of being with them, in addition to making myself feel miserable. How can I ‘let go’ of this issue enough to release pressure on all of them AND myself, without abandoning my desire/hope that they stay close as siblings when they become adults?
Resources:
Zen Talk Searchable Catalog
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Hi everybody,
- Our next Zen talk #157 will be on Monday, December 19th @ noon central featuring education journalist Deborah Farmer Kris
- We answered one question after we were done recording since we couldn’t fit it into the Zen Talk. The topic was Teenage Sons Disconnecting from Each Other and Me
- Tuesday, December 6th 12:00 PM Central Glenbard Parenting Series featuring Cathy
- Tuesday, December 6th 7:00 PM Central Glenbard Parenting Series featuring Cathy
- Mark your calendars for Zen Talk # 158 Wednesday, January 11th @ 2PM Central (special time) for as we invite author of Getting To Zero Author Jayson Gaddis
- We have four Micro-community (Separation/Divorce, Addicted love ones, Raising healthy sons, Differently wired kids). Email me if you’d like to be added to any of the distribution lists.
- Click here to catch the video of Zen Talk #156 or listen on the podcast app from your phone.
- You can quickly look up topics on previous Zen Talks by watching this short video.
- Our Zen Talk link does not change so please book mark it to make it easier for you to find our zoom room.
- The link to all Zen Talks is https://us02web.zoom.us/j/853203000?pwd=Z1ROZUVXeVZuTm05SCtyLzB2a1h4QT09
Keep on truckin’!
Todd+Cathy
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:32 Centering
2:53 16 Year Old Boy Disconnecting
30:25 19 Year old daughter challenged with eating disorders
Resources
You can quickly look up topics on previous Zen Talks by watching this short video.
Zen Talk Searchable Directory
Join Zen Parenting Moments Mailing List
MenLiving
Todd Adams Coaching For Guys
Chat
12:07:16 From Sally (she/her) : 10
12:07:28 From Cathy : 3
12:07:32 From Todd Adams : 3
12:07:33 From karni : 5
12:07:37 From kim : I’m a 1-2 but I have a question if there is time
12:08:36 From Todd Adams to kim(Direct Message) : you bet kim!!!
12:44:56 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : Can I add one thing?
12:45:49 From Todd Adams : https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/What-is-normal-eating-Secure.pdf
12:45:54 From Elaine Vaughan to Todd Adams(Direct Message) : plz
12:49:13 From Elaine Vaughan : Food is information for our bodies, connection and pleasure. Exploring they “meaning” is key…and “normal” can often be anxiety bec what is normal (or a ‘reason’) for one is not normal for the other…
12:52:19 From Elaine Vaughan : Social media makes it dogmatic!
12:57:49 From Malini DiClemente : THank you for my cozy socks BTW!
12:58:27 From Elaine Vaughan : You may not be able to beat the socks! I love them!
12:58:36 From karni : Thsnjs
Discussion & Time Stamps 3:04 Centering 4:45 Heather intro 15:04 Busy 20:57 Question- Busy to claim space 28:10 Having reserves 44:31 The "problems" with being in flow
Discussion & Time Stamps 5:30 Centering 8:11 Finances with 15 year old daughter 28:00 12 year old son feeling sadness 43:03 Short tempered 12 year old daughter
Discussion & Time Stamps 2:02 Centering 4:13 13 year old daughter is hanging out with the wrong people 15:08 15 year old son might be sexually active 34:15 What's the impact of the pandemic 29:52 Nudes 44:20 14 year old son struggling with focus. Should we get him tested? 44:28 Two teenage boys struggling with emotional expression/boy crisis
Discussion & Time Stamps 5:48 Daughter had a bad day at practice with coach- should i intervene? 22:42 14 year old daughter has a boyfriend...what now? 37:34 Daughter would rather be at home than be with her peers.
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 TV Banter 2:40 Centering 7:42 Combative 12 year old 25:15 Enneagram 45:00 Announcements
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 TV Banter 2:40 Centering 7:42 Combative 12 year old 25:15 Enneagram 45:00 Announcements
Discussion & Time Stamps 2:54 My child's grandfather is narcissistic 24:12 I'm not a perfect mom 37:30 Differently wired kids
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:48 3:07 The middle place frustrations- toddlers, grandparents and everything in between
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:08 Centering 2:31 15 year old son doesn't want to go on weekend with the family and instead stay home 13:33 Dealing with infidelity in a marriage 39:01 Husband struggling with alcohol and impacting the kids
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:39 Centering 5:35 Cannot connect with my 12-year-old daughter 37:20 Alcohol boundaries when college kids come home for summer
Discussion & Time Stamps 3:25 Centering 9:06 Talking to my teenager when he gets home at night 35:34 18 year daughter coming home 45:51 The art of letting go (or sometimes saying “what the f*#k”)
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:54 Centering 9:45 Mother of a 9 year old bot and 6 year old daughter and dealing with transition to summer 18:55 Feeling depleted and frustrated with broken systems
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:54 Centering 5:30 Mood meter 13:00 11 year old son is watching porn 38:00 consequences
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:54 Centering 7:38 Persuading my 10 year old son to go into therapy 22:39 Releasing control over my 15 year old son 54:46 Sibling rivalry
Cathy and I took about 24 minutes answering a question about Teenage Sons: Shifting the Dynamics
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:42 Weather 3:25 Baseball as a mindfulness practice 6:32 Centering 9:58 I'm worried my 11 year old son will be on his screen all summer 26:03 Deep dive into reluctant partners
Discussion & Time Stamps 4:58 Centering 7:12 I’m in a relationship with somebody who is holding a grudge and I’m not sure how to deal with it 16:14 Maintaining boundaries with my mom who is a narcissist 47:50 Family is asking me to mellow out and I don’t know how
Cathy and I took about 10 minutes answering a question about screen time boundaries.
Discussion & Time Stamps 4:31 11 Year old son not fitting in 12:35 19 year old daughter with depression 30:08 9 year old son with anxiety, self-esteem, and perfectionistic issues 44:06 Son being tested for neurodiversity. 53:05 Youth and conformity
Discussion & Time Stamps 4:40 13 year old son hanging at friend’s house w/o parents 12:24 6 year old daughter unwilling to communicate when things don’t go her way 29:45 Son and daughter struggling with fairness
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:53 Centering 6:09 My daughter is six and I haven't started talking to her about sex 29:05 I need support from my husband as I'm feel like I'm carrying too much right now
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 4:42 Sister who is struggling with how I/my family shows up in her life 18:50 Grandmother keeping her grandchildren safe 36:05 Five year old is having melt-downs and I'm out of tools
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 3:00 Zen Parenting Moment 6:30 Real time parenting moment 10:15 Cathy waves to cows 11:56 Son is self harming
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering & random banter 13:46 16 year old daughter unhappy with the way I parent her sibling 21:04 15 year old daughter wearing clothes that I'm uncomfortable with 44:35 13 year old son managing body image
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering & random banter 8:55 When you and your partner are out of sync and your rhythm and communication is out of whack, what is the next right thing to do? What is a tactical first step you can take to find your way back? 22:30 Monitoring my 13 year old son's screen time and struggles balancing self-care (sleeping) to stay awake when he gets home 38:41 My son deals with anxiety and perfectionism 54:00 My 15 year old daughter anxiety manifests into the physical
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:23 Centering 5:43 I cannot connect with my 15 year old son 27:15 Do I help repair the relationship with my mother-in-law and my autistic 16 year old daughter who has an eating disorder 43:40 My 18 year old daughter struggles with depression and is asking existential questions.
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:45 Centering 5:45 My 11 year old boy needs more structure 19:28 I screamed at my 11 year old son because he scared me and now I am feeling guilty about how I reacted 33:37 My 9 year old son is disrupting the class because he is playing one of the “jokers” in the class 45:22 How do I react when my child tries to console me? 48:22 How do I navigate my way through my 12 year old son’s temper tantrum
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Sibling rivalry 8:09 16 year old daughter has a bad soccer coach and is impacting the entire team and relationship within the Team 19:46 15 year old daughter snuck out of the house 35:42 14 year old boy is cheating on tests and doesn’t want to talk about sex or consent
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 0:37 Toddlers Biting 18:08 Lonely Boys 26:04 Perfectionism 36:55 Is this a problem? 43:00 Words 48:28 Eating Disorders
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Introductions 6:13 Centering 6:34 New Resource 9:36 13 yr old daughter crassness 23:07 Mom with cancer 35:10 14 year old boy phone privileges
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:32 Centering 4:45 Teaching my 16 year old daughter to drive 13:22 13 year old son has night terrors 28:17 Struggling through a divorce 43:53 10 year old son who is lazy
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 8:42 10 year autistic daughter navigating sexuality 30:33 12 year old boy navigating gender
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 3:57 9 Year old that has melt-downs 23:03 15 year old smoked weed 33:39 18 year old daughter lashing out before she goes to school
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 4:31 Sister has cancer 23:48 Son who struggles with self-regulation and perfectionism
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 4:08 Biofeedback 40:09 Frustrated end of school year
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 2:47 Morning routines 16:14 Book recommendations
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 3:00 14 year old son struggling with anxiety 31:39 Dorm essentials 32:40 Transition to high school
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 3:09 New resources 9:18 My son and I are going to live in the US and my husband is staying in Switzerland for one year 20:20 My sixteen year old has a boyfriend and I'm not sure how to be with it 33:06 Ten year old son is introverted and doesn't want to hand with the grand parents
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:42 Centering 2:10 Karate... To quit or not to quit 12:25 Self-care or kids? 26:55 Anxiety- Husband leaving for two weeks and I'm alone with a 2 & 4 year old!!!
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:53 Mercedes introduction- https://shameproofparenting.com/ 11:30 EMDR introduction 21:46 Disassociates or doesn't remember trauma- 29:29 Teenagers 34:40 Disconnecting from emotions 41:58 Adoption 51:47 Does it do any good to look backwards to move forward?
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:19 Centering 4:16 Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) 29:30 13 year old son is watching porn
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:02 Centering 5:30 BRIEF acronym 13:08 Getting teenage sons to open up 22:39 Should I ask my kids if they have a memory from childhood where they were offended, hurt, or made to feel unseen by something I did or said? 33:43 Conversation crashers
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:17 Centering 4:50 My 17 year old loves Trump 24:42 My kindergartener is getting bullied 45:25 I’m struggling through my divorce
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:38 Centering 4:35 Empathic listening for couples 16:35 16 year old daughter’s privacy 29:45 Resources for outstanding couplehood 48:37 Remote learning for my 1st grader 54:38 17 year old daughter- how close is too close
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:55 Centering 4:09 Universal signs 9:43 "Empruary" AKA Empathy Volume 16:58 School refusal 32:56 When family members disappoint 44:44 When toddlers hit
Discussion & Time Stamps 4:09 Centering 5:06 Acceptance 11:45 Cathy's reveal about her college class 19:12 Husband Who struggles With Worthiness
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:58 Centering 7:37 Cutting 18:50 Wrapping presents/invisible labor 20:39 SNL commercial- Xmas morning 23:50 Me, We, Us 32:40 Spiral Dynamics
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:32 Centering 6:19 Rosalind’s elevator speech 7:40 What has worked regarding Covid regarding learning 15:09 What teachers learn about SEL 20:25 Homework- Do I drop the hammer? 28:04 Kids struggling with anxiety 31:44 5 components of happiness 1) Sense of purpose 2) Meaningful social connection 3) Curiosity 4) A place to find peace 5) Contributing to something bigger than oneself 34:50 Help my 13 year-old with SEL 50:00 “Negotiating” with our kids
1:27 Centering 6:04 Daughter has thoughts of self-harm 25:05 Update regarding 3 year old daughter who was touching herself @ “inappropriate” times/places 29:09 How do I respond when my 13 year old daughter is rude 46:49 10 year-old daughter is super hard on herself 55:09 I have fear about spending time with a family member. 1:00:33 Ryan’s awesome reveal
0:12 Centering 4:35 Barriers to intimacy 22:11 Resistance to initiate sex/intimacy 33:40 Teenagers intimacy issues through Covid 40:30 Husband wants to cuddle, I don’t
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:52 Centering 10:36 Kids talking back 21:55 15 year old daughter struggling with a break-up 34:00 Coping when a tragedy hits your community 46:17 Communication styles 55:00 Body awareness
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:03 Centering 3:31 Todd's grief 13:15 Self-Judgment 26:12 Toddler melt downs 46:05 High school homework
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:15 Centering 3:55 The soother and the soothie 3-1/2 year old is touching herself in the family room 25:25 Scene from Parenthood 29:08 12 Year old daughter is wearing Cropped Tops and needs supporting language 41:12 My son has an IEP, but the school isn't pulling their weight.
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:15 Centering 5:33 Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) 14:22 Math anxiety 24:05 Edibles 37:01 Raging 15 year old son 57:43 13 year old son who doesn’t want to go to therapy
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 6:41 17 year old daughter is anxious about school 26:55 7 year old son doesn't want to do any virtual learning 46:36 Teenager's room is a total mess
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Centering 3:55 New Teammate Ryan has a podcast called "True North with Abby & Ryan" 7:43 I pushed my kids to do something they didn't want to do and now they are grateful 19:31 My 3rd grader refuses to do virtual learning 46:54 My daughter was put into a different class- is this a problem?
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:38 Centering 7:51 Pep Talk For School? 23:00 Ambiguous Loss 27:08 Six Year Old Refuses To Get In Car
Discussion & Time Stamps 2:32 Centering 7:52 Friend not meeting expectations 27:37 Back to School? 38:52 Unmotivated 13 year old son
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:49 Centering 5:55 Covid Update 11:19 Dad has Alzheimers 26:00 Angel #'s 36:11 3 year-old melting down 51:52 13 year old similarities
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:22 Centering 5:31 I'm supporting my friend through marriage issues and now she says she doesn't want my help. 27:00 My husband and I are not parenting from the same place. 45:13 Need help with the teen/tween years
Discussion & Time Stamps :25 Centering 4:10 Todd’s fear about going back to normal 10:19 White Fragility Pushback 32:55 18 year old son is listening to music with the “N” word.
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:19 Centering 2:20 9 year old son watches has too much screen time 19:00 I have a 2 month old and a 5 year old- Am I doing this right? 43:25 13 year old daughter is struggling getting her outside 54:05 Depression- is this normal? 59:23 Monday morning Guided meditation opportunity
Discussion & Time Stamps
Discussion & Time Stamps 49 What's going on this month 8:49 I’m afraid my 11 year old son is going to struggle through the summer. 25:05 I’m having a tough time speaking up when in the presence of racist comments 51:49 I sometimes feel guilty for being white
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Updates To Team Zen Membership Directory 6:26 Happiness Leaks 12:36 George Floyd commentary 23:24 My husband gets angry and I’m not sure how to facilitate repair 44:24 My 10 year old daughter is angry
Discussion & Time Stamps 4:28 End of the school year Nudity, Anger, Gaming, & Veganism 13:02 I would love advice/resources on how to navigate nudity and self-exploration/touching in young children 22:52 My 7-1/2 year old son is angry and I’m looking for support 42:48 My 13-1/2 year son is gaming and sleeping in late. Help. 53:30 I am a vegan and need support around my judgment of other people’s behaviors
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:37 Centering exercise 6:57 Conspiracy theories 15:02 My 16 year old daughter has quit E-learning and I don’t understand why. 30:10 My 6th grade son doesn’t want my help with school AND he cares more about gaming than school. 55:52 I found my 12 year old son watching porn. What is the best way to respond?
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:37 Centering exercise 6:57 Conspiracy theories 15:02 My 16 year old daughter has quit E-learning and I don’t understand why. 30:10 My 6th grade son doesn’t want my help with school AND he cares more about gaming than school. 55:52 I found my 12 year old son watching porn. What is the best way to respond?
Discussion & Time Stamps 3:30 Centering Exercise 5:28 Good news 7:57 11 year old over-heard our intimate moments. What do I do? 19:40 My 9th grade daughter might fail- how do I motivate her intrinsically? 36:39 Lessons From The Diary of Anne Frank 39:02 Kids are cot connecting with their friends 45:32 Care plans
Discussion & Time Stamps 3:38 My husband and I are not in agreement regarding how to set boundaries on our 13 year old son. 28:42 My 10 year old is asking me why I am working so much. 35:41 My kids are getting horrible sleep. What do I do? 44:50 Where is the balance between empathizing with someone’s situation and not allowing myself to be taken advantage of? 52:17 My in-laws are taking advantage of me. 58:16 When things get back to normal from Covid l- I’m not sure how to respond as restrictions loosen.
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Famous people banter 13:15 I can’t tell how my college daughter is adjusting to our new normal 25:35 My husband is not following Covid guidelines and wants to travel 44:30 My 6 year old son is hitting us. I’m starting to lose it
Discussion & Time Stamps 4:27 I’m sad because I’m overwhelmed 22:29 How do I express anger in a healthy way? 42:18 My 13 year old daughter refuses to apologize to her brothers when she hurts them.
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Team Zen Updates- Support Micro-Community 7:52 Kristen- I’m noticing more eating and drinking since Covid. 24:52 Cathy’s OREO’s habits 27:43 Malini- My oldest son gets away with more stuff, and my younger sons are asking why 51:48 Do I say I’m doing well when the people I’m with are not doing well
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Todd & Cathy riffing about awareness, acceptance, and surrender 14:43 Anita feels big-time tension between her and her 12 year old daughter 20:18- Kim feels challenged being the mediator between her 16 year old daughter and her husband 41:13- how do you explain the benefits of dopamine to my 9 year old daughter 45:45 Jennifer is sad and she's owning it!!! (Thank you for modeling) 54:00 SOS group
Discussion & Time Stamps 8:50 Matt's Uncertainty about his job is making him stressed 21:05 13 year old boy isolating and not sure if it's normal 42:54 The Work 1:02:25 Am I recycling issues- how do i reframe them?
Discussion & Time Stamps 4:27 Ally is a healthcare worker and is looking support 13:56 11 year old son uses the word “rape” flippantly and inappropriately 26:22 13 year old keeps lying to me 41:10 Dawn is struggling keeping her kids on a schedule 50:52 Spin the plates
Discussion & Time Stamps 2:49 Cathy’s update on things that have been helpful 10:44 Good News 12:45 I want to expose my kids to good life skills- how do I go about it without losing my s$%*? 20:30 Jennifer is feeling guilty because I am not productive, I’m only surviving 25:00 The mom from Little House on the Prairie 28:21 Lisa is trying to be normal and has been pushing down her feelings, until now 😊 33:54 Cathy’s turn to cry 36:40 Maslow’s hierarchy of needs 37:50 Toilet paper talk 40:05 Kelsey is 38 week’s pregnant and is checking in 41:12 Millie doesn’t know how to encourage her teenager to go outside 50:28 Nicki feels responsible for the well-being of the people she helps. Where the proper balance?
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:33 Cathy’s intro to the corona virus 6:03 Lauren doesn’t know whether to let the nanny back in their home 20:38 Gail needs suggestions to motivate her teenagers. 26:40 Millie is in a shelter in place situation in northern California. How do I motivate my eight year olds in an e-learning situation. 40:45 Marjorie has an 8 year old is having a hard time because of his need for routine and structure. 43:25 Kelsey is 7 months pregnant and is struggling with some fear. 58:02 Emily has an only child 6 year old and is worried if she’s getting enough social interaction.
Discussion & Time Stamps 3:25 How do I make my kids feel supported when the other parent is in a triggered/threatened state 30:08 11 year old son who emotes on the soccer field 41:19 15 year old daughter wants to quit cheerleading. What should I do?
Discussion & Time Stamps 2:28 8 year old is an overly sensitive perfectionist 26:40 8 year old daughter lacks confidence. 42:25 Wife not sure much to communicate to husband regarding teenage daughter’s sexuality
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:22 My daughter has threatened to harm herself. How serious should this be taken? What should I do? 22:19 My 11-year-old son doesn’t do what I ask. My tune so he listens. 41:10 How do I set up healthy boundaries when I am being verbally abused when it’s “easier” to not do anything?
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:58 Sex talk 101 11:48 7 year old son conflict avoidant 25:14 Supporting friends with emotional challenges 33:20 Rough morning- 12 year old daughter says come pick me up from school 52:31 Going back to work after 20 years
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:55 Brother upset about mom’s will and is withdrawing from the family 21:12 11 year old son is expressing anxiety regarding climate change 27:51 11 year old son is becoming body conscious 36:42 5 year old son having a hard time managing anger and frustration 47:40 Toddlers are expressing normal “toddler-like behavior”- stuttering, biting nails, pushing boundaries, but mom is having a hard time navigating
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:10 Connecting with teens who don't want to be connected with 21:35 The parental imbalance of differently wired kids
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:10 My sensitive 7 year old sometimes lies and melts down when he displays a lack of self-control 29:03 I'm worried about my husband's relationship with our 9 year old daughter once puberty starts 35:27 My daughter is 15 and entering a new stage and I don't feel ready 55:10 Dawn's closing thoughts
Discussion & Time Stamps 2:35 The balance between staying connected and not helicoptering 8:11 How to stay connected to my rebel daughter 15:40 College admissions process- am i backing off too much? 34:35 The things we really need to be teaching our kid Can they cope with hard feelings Can they handle their own problems Can they take full responsibility with self care- Can they manage their time? Do they know how/when to seek help Can they take responsibility for their own bad decisions Can our kids assess risk- 37:50 My niece wants to be a beautician, how do I navigate this?
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:52 Dealing with an aging mom 15:10 How to stay calm when my husband is mad at traffic, AT&T, Rep, etc. 24:42 How do I help my 7 year old son practice self-compassion 31:39 Aging mom Part 2 36:50 I’m a teacher and I feel bad because my student’s parents “disciplined” their son 44:49 I’m going back to work and I’m carrying some motherhood guilt for my daughter who is still living with us.
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:02 13 year old is mean to his 7 year old brother. 11:17 My daughter has been labeled dyslexic. How do I best support her? 27:50 My husband tells the kids to behave and it doesn’t sit right. 36:29 My son lied about using the family credit card to pay for his friend’s food. What are the appropriate consequences? 48:38 We’re not religious, but we send our daughters to a religious high school and we’re struggling with the misalignment b/w values
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:45 3 year old with sensory issues 22:56 a 13 year old boy- who has a phone. Should I oversee his phone usage, or trust him?
Discussion & Time Stamps 2:09 12 year old boy is shutting down and husband taking a passive role 12:48 Difference b/w American teenage culture and the rest of the world. 16:10 Difference b/w 1st book and most recent book 20:00 17 year old applying to colleges and navigating the identity traffic 27:38 Connecting with teens 30:03 Divorce impacting teenage years 36:18 14 year-old daughter and talking about sex 45:08 16 year old daughter is giving mom the most difficult time
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:48 1440 Multiversity banter 1:59 Chipotle banter 2:53 My kid is asking me to say please and I don’t want to because she’s being difficult 8:16 Should the “please” rules be different for our partner? 18:13 Amanda response 20:36 Visco 27:35 Enneagram and how it relates to how you keep your house 37:56 Jake Gylenhall
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Conference update 8:28 Mom feels like she needs to be in charge of entertaining her kid 17:15 Only children 23:18 Enneagram discussion 29:40 Enneagram- stress, average, & integration 40:00 Other enneagram observations 45:58 Daughter is doing some “magical” thinking
Discussion & Time Stamps 3:36 Negative energy in the household is overwhelming 19:39 Judging people and their actions by today’s culture, or from when the actions took place 37:05 Mom has a hard time not talking when her kid is challenged. Needs tips to cultivate better listening skills 50:05 How to cope when your kids are disappointed by peers/school/etc.
Discussion & Time Stamps 4:32 Passionate 7 year old twin son gets extremely defensive/melts down when called out for challenging behavior. 18:19 Is it possible for a 16 year old daughter to “overshare”? 36:53 Husband is loving, but struggling with depression.
Discussion & Time Stamps 3:00 Mom who suffers from depression and anxiety. She has moved from people pleasing over to standing up in a passive aggressive manner? Is this progress or regression? 17:26 Mom’s 10 year old daughter and 8 year old son get along great until a neighbor kid comes over. The 10 year old becomes mean. 26:20 (THINK) acronym True. Helpful. Inspiring. Necessary. Kind. 33:00 Lauren’s 4th grader needs breaks during the school day due to anxiety. How does one support here? 40:08 18 month old suffers from separation anxiety during drop-offs of nursery school. What do I do?
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:02 Discussion of the meme- "You are not everyone's cup of tea" 14:23 How do we keep kids motivated during the dog days of summer? 40:11 Money and allowances? 52:07 Angry about the injustices of the world
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Big Little Lies 2:58 Sister has struggled with addiction and has lost custody of her son. Need some support and ideas. 14:49 Emotional labor question about a loving husband who isn't getting it. 30:24 My differently wired daughter isn't always socially appropriate and momma feels social pressure. 42:32 Mom dealing with resentment of her ex-husband
Discussion & Time Stamps Emotional labor as it relates to: 2:17 Bringing topic up to partner part I 8:58 In-laws 12:45 Bringing topic up to partner part II 19:43 How it is viewed by your kids 24:30 Holidays 27:56 Resentment towards your partner 32:48 Control of how things need to get done (shared standards) 39:10 Religion 41:56 The generation older than us 46:33 Avoiding the book
Discussion & Time Stamps 2:10 Micro-community updates 4:26 When teachers (that you hold in high regard) say something that you don’t agree with 21:42 4 year old daughter is going to preschool wearing a costume throughout the year 33:48- Best way to keep yourself from going down a dark path. (divorce)
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Cashflow story 2:51 My daughter (14) is on the spectrum and is now being home schooled by specialists. My son who sometime suffers from anxiety (12) is feeling jealous that he has to go to school and I’m not sure how to help him understand. 15:35 Why does everyone think of someone else that would benefit from the advice in a self development book when in reality you are reading the book for yourself and the only person you have any reasonable chance to influence is yourself. 25:34 My husband is not on the same path of self-awareness and spirituality as I am. I feel lonely and sometimes have dark thoughts like that if I could do it over again, would I look for somebody different. 47:18 I get judgmental when my husband tells me about things he likes that trigger me. 56:53 How to find out about new Zen Talks
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:42 Survey Feedback 9:10 How to support my mom who is about to lose her mom (my grandma)1 7:56 I'm struggling to set boundaries with my teenage son 32:10 Do you really know Ricky Henderson?36:07 How do i re-frame my thoughts regarding me challenges of getting pregnant 41:14 Erin's support of struggling through pregnancy 51:24 1440 Multiversity update
Discussion & Time Stamps Discussion & Time Stamps0:00 Sera is struggling with discussing her need to cut back on her job with her husband due the chaotic schedule amongst other things.11:53 Malini is having a hard time deciding when it’s time to play with her sons and when it’s time for her to play or practice self- care.22:22 Judy’s struggling with low self-esteem and her kids are being impacted. How do we make sure they don’t take her issues on as their own?29:22 Estee daughter and mean towards her younger brother and wants support in how and when to intervene.42:31 Anita’s 14 year old was caught skipping classes and she thinks it might have to be due to a new friendship she has struck with a girl friend that might be negatively influencing her daughter.ResourcesCashflow Board GameHave You Filled a Bucket Today?: A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids (Bucketfilling Books)
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:35 Helen's daughter is embarrassed that her mom is getting gray hair and wants her to start coloring. 10:28 Estee's 7 year old daughter is melting down with screams and she's struggling to manage the melt downs b/w allowing her to express her feelings and not accepting verbal abuse. 26:10 Anita's 14 year old daughter is struggling with a daughter who has scoliosis. The daughter is refusing to wear it as much as the doctor prescribed. 42:45 Kate is struggling with letting go of a past challenge that is still relative in her life because the matter is in the hands of the legal system. 50:48 Dawn is looking to build a micro-community of a few team members that have direct experience with differently wired kids. if interested, IM Dawn Dockey on the Team Zen Facebook page, or email me @ todd@zenparentingradio.com
Discussion & Time Stamps 4:43 Lauren is challenged with supporting her husband through a grieving process due to a death in his family 24:14 Dawn is wondering how she can do more exercise and why people change or don't change. 40:42 Millie is wondering when and how to disagree with her husband as it relates to her children's experience of observing them 56:00 Kate gave us an update on her husband's recent challenges and what has been learned Early bird tickets expire on Monday, March 18th
Discussion & Time Stamps 2:00 11 year old son wants to go to one school, parents want him to go to a different school. 13:10 What do you do when your parenting techniques change so drastically that you “freak” our kids out 17:56 Child telling mom she has a “RBF” 23:42 Different thoughts about punishment 26:55 Techniques to help a kids calm down in a chaotic classroom 38:58 11 year old son has aversions to “eating” noises @ the dinner table 48:17 Jennifer expresses gratitude and updates us on the separation from her husband
Discussion & Time Stamps 1:00 Helen had a question between self-love and being selfish for her daughter.
8:24 Kimmee has an “uncoachable” 10 year old who has some challenges with perfectionism.
22:56 Megan’s 10 year old has some anxiety challenges to the point where he wants to join her in the bathroom at the grocery store. Is this normal?
30:56 Anita is struggling with her 11 year old daughter who is some displaying some rebellious behaviors with her. She doesn’t know whether she’s too strict or not strict enough.
45:26 Matt lives apart from his 6 year old daughter and is struggling to maintain connection with her partially due to the opposing parent philosophies with his former wife
1:01:45 1440 update- Oct 25th-27th
Discussion & Time Stamps 4:00 Anita has two daughters (13 & 11) and they are really mean to each other.
15:00 Judy has a son who is programming on his computer at all hours of the day and he's letting school work slip.
Jacqueline & Matt have a 3-1/2 year old daughter who is emoting (hitting/melt downs) in a way that doesn't fit their plans.
Liz has an 18 year old who is a freshman at college and is struggling with anxiety and some depression. Liz sometimes feels helpless and is asking for support.
Discussion & Time Stamps 5:12 Sarah needing support regarding "asking permission" to do certain things- she says it doesn't feel right. 20:26 Kristen is going to the Women's March and needs help with some clarity why it's important. 27:49 Jennifer's 10 year old daughter is struggling with friendships. What's the appropriate balance with boundaries and and allowing? 44:30 Joe's 6 year old son is farting and is inappropriate many of the times.
Discussion & Time Stamps 2:30 Learning how to let our pre-teens deal with adversity 10:17 My 5 year old cries at school at seemingly common things 19:34 My 6 year old son is quiet at school, but his behavior becomes extremely erratic once he gets home from school. Examples- hitting his brother and having bathroom mistakes 40:25 Jen checks in and asks for support.
Discussion & Time Stamps 0:00 Intro 6:17 Erin has a differently wired kid. She wants to know how/what to do before her son gets the nueropsychology evaluation. 10:58 Erin's son is adopted. How does that play into it? 12:59 Description of Differently Wired podcast 14:15 Todd's client's son is 3 and has not been able to get consensus from the professionals. 16:06 Nicki over shares about her differently wired daughter. 19:37 Nicki's struggling with the docctor's request for her 14 year old daughter to start taking a more active role in her own care. 24:40 Cathy's college students struggle with Tilt #3- "Don't Worry About What Other's Think" 34:54 Dawn sees her own issues of overthinking situations 42:58 Heather- Sibling rivalries- HELP!!! 11 year old dumps all his baggage on his 7 year old. 51:56 Does humor help? 56:10 Debbie's close
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:22 Nikki has been advised by the school that her daughter should not be friends with one of her friends because of serious behavioral issues that have arisen. She and her daughter both like this girl, but she doesn’t want to be naive.
18:33 Grapes- seedless or not?
22:15 Struggling with the social dynamics with her daughter and friends in the car.
38:10 Jennifer is going through some significant life changes and has asked the Team for support.
Chat
12:01:37 From Helen : tastes different
12:08:22 From Todd Adams : anybody have any words for nicki?
12:14:18 From Peggy Jividen : You may be the only accepting person in her life, Nicki.
12:17:22 From Helen : Does anyone know if there is an audio version of differently wired?
12:17:25 From Todd Adams : who wants to ask a question? needs support with something?
12:18:58 From kelseyholt : Yay NYC!! Is there a new person in team zen who lives in Brooklyn? I thought I heard something on a podcast a while ago but can’t remember the name……..
12:20:27 From Dawn : Todd/Cathy: if for some reason we can’t join on Dec 11 can we submit our question for Debbie via email to you?
12:21:50 From Helen : I have a little question about firends and social connection
12:22:56 From Helen : Nice teeshirt Jennifer
12:23:28 From Jennifer : Thanks, Helen!! It’s my favorite!
12:26:54 From Helen : cool
12:27:28 From Helen : Its belligerent friday for Tod!
12:28:52 From Alyssa : I will never ask Todd to drive my son anywhere…..always crickets
12:39:25 From Alyssa : I share a confidential journal with each of my kids and encourage them to write to me when the conversation seems too scary to have face-to-face. Sometimes that helps us.
12:45:27 From Helen : Sacred ground Jennifer … sending you love
12:50:38 From Erin : Love to you Jennifer.
12:52:59 From Helen : Do you have the Kristin Neff book on self compassion Jennifer?
12:53:07 From Millie : You are so strong, Jennifer, for making these realizations. You ARE being loving and compassionate. But there are two people in this relationship. You cannot put the “own-ness” on just yourself and blame yourself. Not saying to blame ANYONE. But you are standing in your truth and refusing to not be seen. You should be very proud of yourself for that! Only hugs to you. xoxoxo
12:54:16 From SHAUN EMERSON : Peace and Love, Jen.
12:55:06 From Erin Kuhn-Krueger : I admire your strength and courage, Jen. Sending love.
Resources
Discussion & Time Stamps
To get most out of this presentation, it would help to download the power point we worked from. It can be found here.
Resources
http://www.wearemanenough.com/
http://www.wearemanenough.com/clip/fast-cars-fast-women/
http://www.wearemanenough.com/clip/the-man-box/
http://www.wearemanenough.com/clip/good-men-part/
Discussion & Time Stamps
1:15 Todd’s jealous of other podcasts and how we should deal with envy
5:40 Kim has a sensitive 4th grade son who is starting to show signs of internalizing his feelings.
27:13 Sandra has an 11 year old daughter who has self-esteem issues and is way too hard on herself.
41:15 My toddler is in the same pre-school as a child whose parents are neo-nazi’s. Should I restrict any time spent with his friend?
51:10 My 15 year old now finds herself with friends who can drive. What guidelines should I put onto this?
Resources
Derrick Rose scores 50 vs. Jazz, gets emotional in postgame interview
Discussion & Time Stamps
1:06 My 6th grade son is trying really hard to be one of the “cool kids” at the expense of his existing friendships
18:00 My 6 year old daughter is lying to us. I’m not sure why and not sure how to hold her accountable for her actions.
31:06 My 13 year old is wired differently and it’s impacting our whole family. I’m not sure how to meet everybody’s needs.
Resources
Differently Wired: A Conversation With Debbie Reber- Podcast #442
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:38 3-1/2 year old flips out b/c there’s a hole in his bread
4:54 6th grader needing help with time management
10:56 How men can best support with the #metoo movement
23:17 When school is telling the parents how to organize the kids
36:50 Kelsey struggling with self-care when she’s triggered
Discussion & Time Stamps
Questions
0:15 Chores, Allowances, Babysitting, & Family Meeting
26:27 How Do I know when it’s time for professional help for my son?
36:23 Bonding with one kid is easier than the other.
60:04 Feelings about the Kavanaugh/Ford Senate Committee Hearing
Resources Money
ZPR Podcasts
Are you modeling a healthy relationship with money for your children?
Teaching Your Kids About Money Podcast#296 An Interview With Bill Dwight From Famzoo.com
Money & Happiness- Podcast #381
Books
Smart Money Smart Kids: Raising the Next Generation to Win with Money
Motivating kids
ZPR Podcasts
We Are Differently The Same- Podcast #408 (Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies)
Sibling Rivalries
Sibling Rivalry- A Different Perspective (Take 3)
Other Resources
Khalil Gibran- On Children
Differently Wired: A Conversation With Debbie Reber- Podcast #442
Resources
ZPR Podcasts-
Setting Boundaries With Love
“Families are a tyranny run by their sickest member” – yes or no?
Chat
12:00:10 From Cathy Adams : hi everybody.
12:00:19 From Kimmee : Hi
12:02:25 From Kimmee : We just went through these same three topics at my house this past week!
12:10:42 From Cathy Adams : i’m gonna read the next question, but who wants to go after?
12:11:23 From kelseyholt : C&T – When your eldest babysits her sisters, do you pay her?
12:13:26 From Alyssa : This is a timely question for us, too. We’ve been discussing allowanc at our house this week, too. Thanks!
12:15:02 From Dawn : I have a question Cathy!
12:15:40 From Cathy Adams : ok dawn- you’re after i do the next question.
12:19:37 From Cathy Adams : https://zenparentingradio.com/podcasts/15-2/
12:19:50 From Karen : Smart Money Smart Kids: Raising the Next Generation to Win with Money https://www.amazon.com/dp/1937077632/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_CjMRBbBSB2SE4
12:19:51 From Millie : What do you do when they say “I don’t want to” or “I don’t feel like it” to their chore/responsbility?
12:19:56 From Cathy Adams : https://zenparentingradio.com/podcasts/296-2/
12:20:13 From Cathy Adams : https://zenparentingradio.com/podcasts/381-2/
12:20:15 From Karen : this was a great read. I don’t follow it because I’m not that organized but it was a good read.
12:22:37 From Cathy Adams : https://zenparentingradio.com/podcasts/408/ gretchen rubin
12:23:20 From Karen : I follow Cathy’s first this then this 😉😘
12:24:49 From Kimmee : Sometimes I ask Channing what’s his plan
12:27:50 From kelseyholt : Love all these ideas, hope I can hold on to them as my kid gets older… I love when you talk about not having a lot of hard and fast rules – this can be hard for me when I’m in my place of black and white thinking, which is mostly based in fear I think. Also, I love your tone examples and right now I’m struggling with my tone when I’m triggered. So hard to switch into playful when I feel pissed so quickly. Just sharing, don’t need to talk more…
12:28:21 From Erin’s iPhone : We call chores contributions, family contributions
12:31:59 From Millie : Love “contributions”, Erin!
12:38:32 From Cathy Adams : who wants to go after dawn?
12:44:31 From Alyssa : I imagine you guys have covered sibling relationships on previous podcasts? im struggling and am searching for resources. i dont have specific examples….just want them to have good relationships with each other. and not kill each other. my son is 12, my twin daughters are 9.
12:45:22 From Cathy Adams : https://zenparentingradio.com/archive/?_search=sibling
12:45:56 From Alyssa : awesome, thanks!
12:47:59 From Cathy Adams : https://medium.com/@sunspirit/khalil-gibran-on-children-d5504fc6fd05
12:53:35 From Millie : Love languages online test for you and your child : https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
12:54:53 From Alyssa : thanks Millie!
12:58:08 From Cathy Adams : https://zenparentingradio.com/podcasts/442-2/
12:58:56 From Erin’s iPhone to Cathy Adams(Privately) : Author and title again?
12:59:13 From Erin’s iPhone : Author and title again?
13:04:11 From Millie : I did have a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach this AM when I read that Jeff Flake ended up supporting Kavanaugh. I just hope that this ends up putting a LOT of women in government in November, just like after the Clarence Thomas hearing
Discussion & Time Stamps
1:15 My 5 year old is focusing on body image and calling people fat. How do I address?
11:46 Jen doesn’t allow her sons to play Fortnite. They are the only ones in their class who don’t play. How do she stay connect to them. Furthermore- what’s going on with this world?
48:00 Lauren is challenged with setting boundaries with a brother who abuses himself with substances as well as mental health challenges. She usually plays the “fixer” role and needs to make a shift.
54:40 4th grade son is struggling to make friends. Is this about him, or is this about me?
Resources
ZPR Podcasts-
Setting Boundaries With Love
“Families are a tyranny run by their sickest member” – yes or no?
Chat
12:26:59 From jennifer : I am so inspired by Jennifer’s fire! I’ve noticed with myself, when I start thinking about the huge picture I can get discouraged and give up. So as Todd said, what you do with your family Jennifer will make a big difference, so small steps can make a huge difference also
12:31:12 From jennifer : I was strict with screen time and now my kids say, even though they weren’t thrilled at the time, the will do the same with their children—it will reach out to a bigger circle
12:43:51 From Rose’s iPhone : I strongly agree with you Jennifer. I worry (for myself) that my language and fire about some of these fads can backfire. I remember when my son was into the Ninja Turtles. This made me crazy and I essentially outlawed them at my house. but it passed after a year and I inadvertently created disconnection versus connection (Mary Shores idea).
12:53:22 From scottkent to Cathy Adams (Privately) : Could you put the podcast #s in the show notes? On boundaries?
12:53:58 From Cathy Adams : https://zenparentingradio.com/podcasts/198-2/
12:54:12 From Cathy Adams : https://zenparentingradio.com/podcasts/104-2/
12:56:52 From Jennifer : 2 podcasts I mentioned:https://irlpodcast.org/ This is the podcast I mentioned — the specific episode is Kids These Days.
12:57:46 From Jennifer : https://longestshortesttime.com/episodes/ Episode – Dear Mister Rogers
12:58:34 From Jennifer : The IRL podcast talks about how all of this tech stuff is hard, but they are very balanced in their approach – which clearly I need!! LOL
Discussion & Time Stamps
0:48 Malini was raised by a “Tiger Mom” and is struggling to evolve from the pattern created from her parents. Finding the balance between boundaries and compassion.
24:53 Erin is challenged by her 2nd grader who is displaying anxious and angry behavior.
43:41 Jen is challenged by her 7 year old who will not stop talking back.
Resources
Parent University Presentation
Chat
12:15:00 From Erin : Ha! funny…One of my favourite sayings is ‘we’re shooting for average here!’
12:24:21 From Millie : I can COMPLETELY empathize with what Molani (sp?!!!) is saying about being raised in an Asian Tiger Mom household. I’m also struggling to break the cycle of helicoptering parenting that I grew up with. But so hard. My thought is similar to one of the suggestions that Devora brought up in this last podcast about cell phones. Would it be at all helpful to create this expectations WITH your son? Of course you and your husband have to be on the same page beforehand, but sit down with him to decide when it’s best for him to do homework, etc.
12:24:39 From Jennifer : One of the things I learned from my oldest is that the middle school stage is so chock full of learning. He made mistakes and failed along the way…and it was hard for me to let go of my expectations of achievement, organization, etc. and let him figure it out. I set ground rules and focused on supporting him rather than controlling or directing him. Most kids really do figure it out on their own. If we make THEIR stuff our stuff…then they don’t get a chance to figure out who they are and what works best for them. I eventually came to the conclusion that my connection with him as a person was much more important than anything else – his grades, his sports, etc. I’ve realized that his way is NOT my way, but his way is the best way FOR HIM. I totally agree with Cathy & Todd, I don’t monitor Power School — doing so basically takes away my son’s ability to decide what he shares with me and when. By the way, he failed math and had to repeat the class, but is now doing so well in math in high school. =)
12:25:00 From Cathy Adams : Zen Parenting – Parent University Presentation
12:26:27 From Erin : How do we access show notes?
12:37:24 From Erin : I have contacted her new teacher and guidance couselor at school before the year started. It did help reduce her fears. Back story is we’ve had a really busy summer. Tim is a dairy farmer and he is not home much. I find it easy for him to keep cool.
12:37:33 From Erin : I can only do that SO long !!
12:39:26 From Erin : I like that way to approach it, I tend to play devil’s advocate
12:45:55 From Erin : A new school year is like starting a new job
12:48:17 From kellyc : Thank you for asking this Jen! This is my 5 year old too. Her favorite response is “no, Mom”
12:49:36 From Cathy Adams : is there still an echo?
12:55:29 From Erin : How about dinner is served until…. whatever time works ??.
13:02:33 From Kristen : That is me at bedtime!
13:02:43 From Kristen : No humor left. Empty!