Max, Mike; Movies: Recent Episodes
Max, Mike; Movies
Hear, O ye flippin’ gods, hear how the great epic of “Tops and Bottoms” now comes to a glorious end! Yea, Maxshepsut, god of all Post-it notes, and his Priest-King Mikehotep, the Constantly Flatulent, have tackled a most ponderous epic of legendary legendness, massive of budget and stupendous of run-time: “Cleopatra,” greatest hauler of wealth of the year 19 and 63! For many hours did we ponder this ponderous pontiff of . . . pontoons. Silence! Mock not the ancient writings of two days ago! Join in our epic journey! Thrill to our opinions of Richard of Burton, drinker of heroic proportions! Witness bears . . . I mean, bear witness to our learned discourse on the performance of Elizabeth of Taylor and her god-like ability to wear countless costumes! Stare open-mouthed at our masterful considerations of Rex of Harrison and his refusal to break out into even the smallest of songs throughout this work! Mountains of gold did this movie claim for its studio masters . . . but was it worth it, in the end? What dread price had to be paid for this endeavor? Friends, Podcast Audience, Laundry men . . . lend us your ears! We promise to return them with only minor damage!
Poll question: what is your favorite epic movie and why? Leave a comment or leave an epic voicemail on our hotline at 617-398-7266.
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Oh those darn Martians! If it’s not one thing with them, it’s another! Either they want to Attack! or they want to steal our Santa Claus or they need women or they want to invade Puerto Rico . . . it’s always something! Geez, guys, get it together. You’d think they’d be happy with all those Rovers we keep sending them, but no! In this week’s penultimate installation of “Tops and Bottoms,” we’re addressing a decades-old issue when Mars decided to invade Earth, apparently. Or at least they decided to invade a really impressive estate in California. That’s practically the same thing. Join us and find out if this is an overlooked classic, a so-bad-it’s-good number, or . . . something else. Give a listen; don’t make us rouse Chochum out of his cave!
Poll question: For science fiction films, do you like the large-scale space battles or massive invasion sequences, or the smaller stories, involving only a few people dealing with the aliens/anomalies/whatever? Leave a comment or call our interstellar hotline at 617-398-7266
Hey kids! It’s time for everyone’s favorite club here in our “Tops and Bottoms” series, “Billionaire Boy’s Club”! Yaaaay! C’mon, everyone, let’s all sing along with the Club song!
Who’s the members of the club that we will never see?
B-I-L, L-I-O, N-A-I-R-E!
Who will screw their fam’ly, friends, and then screw you and me?
B-I-L, L-I-O, N-A-I-R-E!
Billionaires! (Money rules!) Billionaires! (Gosh they’re tools!)
They’ll sell their souls to keep their profits high! High! High! High!
Come along and sing the song, push morals out to sea,
B-I-L, L-I-O, N-A-I-R-E!
Wasn’t that FUN? Give a listen as we discuss the lowest-grossing film of 2018 and see if you can pick up subtle clues as to whether we think it deserved its fate. Yaaaay!
Poll question: What is the last GREAT movie you saw in the theater and why is it great? Leave a comment or call the last great hot line at 617-398-7266 and leave a great message!
Hey there, No-Prize Winners and Merry Marvel Marchers! This week’s entry in “Tops and Bottoms” [pause for Mike to stop giggling for some reason] is the biggest earner of 2018 and it’s the penultimate Avengers movie of Marvel’s Phase 3, Ephesians 7, Jackson 5, or whatever it was and it made a barge-load of ducats when it came out, and why wouldn’t it? I mean, you’ve got Doc Bruce Banner it, and while as the Hulk he may be un-glamor-rays, still he’s apparently loveable! You’ve got Captain America throwing his mighty shield! And what happens to those who chose to oppose his shield? Why, they must surely yield! And here’s Tony Stark who may make you feel he’s a cool exec with a heart of steel, as Iron Man, with jets ablaze, he fights and smites with repulsor rays! He does! I have it on the best authority! Plus, you’ll behold in breathless wonder the God of Thunder, Mighty Thor (that’s a deeper). There’s even some guy in this movie who does whatever a spider can! And so many other superheroes who were never lucky enough to get their own 60’s theme songs, poor devils. Black Panther needs a theme song, dammit! So how does this box office juggernaut (wait, he’s in another franchise, right? Maybe two?) hold up after the better part of a decade? Give a listen to Mulching Max Levine and Macerating Mike Luce to find out! Expeliarmus! I mean, Excelsior!
Poll question: what’s your favorite superhero movie? Leave a super comment or leave a voicemail as your secret identity on our hot line at 617-398-7266
A long, long time ago . . . ok, so it was eleven years . . . in a galaxy, far, far away . . . except it’s actually the one we’re in now, and it wasn’t even that far away on this planet so this is clearly going nowhere WHY did I take this job?! ANYWAY . . . so, here and now in our series “Tops and Bottoms” we’re tackling the first film in the third trilogy . . . yeah, that’s about right, of the “Star Wars” behemoth, “The Force Awakens”, a film that was in no way divisive and everyone had well-thought-out and calm reactions to and that they addressed in polite and civil discourse with one another and nobody was mean or vicious or racist or sexist and then they all went to the sea shore (that’s a deeper). This was, big surprise, the biggest earner of Republic credits or quatloos or something in 2015, so that means we’re gonna discuss it. Don’t worry, we’re going to be models of decorum and talk about this film in a measured and reasonable fashion, provided that Mike agrees with everything I say and doesn’t try to be an EVIL AND BAD DUMB MR. WRONGY MCWRONGHEAD FROM WRONGSVILLE AND FAIL TO TREAT MY OPINIONS AS GOSPEL WRITTEN UPON GOLDEN TABLETS AND STUFF! So, sure, this’ll be fun . . . . give a listen and find out how much fun!
Poll question: Who is your favorite Star Wars character and why?
This time we’re starting with the Bottom of 2015 in our “Tops and Bottoms” series (dammit, why does Mike keep giggling at that title?) and the biggest money loser of 2015 was “Jem and the Holograms,” a live action movie based on an 80’s cartoon about a girl-group popstar band. Now, regardless of what we have to say about this movie, I have to point out that this film was clearly doomed from the start. What was John Chu thinking when he signed on to direct? If you’re going to adapt a cartoon about a musical group, how could you choose anything other than that under-appreciated classic “Jabberjaw”?! I mean, really, how can you top a talking shark who does an impression of Curly Howard while using Rodney Dangerfield’s classic catchphrase “I don’t get no respect!” Comedy gold! I’m thinking Ryan Reynolds for Biff, Margot Robie for Bubbles, Megan Fox as Shelley, Jared Leto as Clamhead, and Sir Ian McKellen as the voice of a CGI Jabberjaw. My god, it writes itself! Hanna-Barbera, you’re sitting on an untapped gold mine! You could make the underwater world of the show a kind of dystopian, post-apocalyptic setting! Think “Waterworld” meets “Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space”! Have your people call my people! In the meantime, give a listen as we discuss what these poor saps actually chose for source material. So misguided . . .
Poll question: can you think of a cartoon show from your past that would make a good live-action movie? Leave a comment or call our live-action hotline at 617-398-7266
Well, in this episode of “Tops and Bottoms,” we move from the Top grossing film of 1959 to . . . well, the bottom grossing film. Hoo boy, this is gonna be painful. What’s it going to be? Some late-career Ed Wood movie? Ooo, are we going to get another entry from the Cor-man? There are so many of his we still haven’t endured, I mean, seen! Heh, I bet it’s some teen movie or cheap science fiction dreck. Let’s check the Max-O-Tron 9000000 . . . oh . . . huh. “Sleeping Beauty.” Ok, sure this must be some sort of knockoff from some cheesy Latvian or Upper Voltan animation studio, right? Sort of thing they used to sell on the streets of Times Square? Ok, so who produced this . . . wait . . . Walt Disney? Not Wahllte Dizney? Or Wal Tdisney? It was, you know, Disney Disney? Uh . . . wow . . . so, “Snow White,” “Cinderella” . . . that Disney. How . . . what . . . when . . . plankton . . . uh, give a listen, ok? We gotta work on this for a while.
Poll question: Who is your favorite animated hero? Leave a comment or call our 3D animated hotline at 617-398-7266
Friends, Romans, Countryfolk . . . lend me a dollar, won’t you? No? Well, fine, we’re doing a new series anyway! So quo that in your vadis! This time we’re choosing a random year every two episodes and discussing the most successful movie of that year and the biggest bomb of that year. At Mike’s direction, we’re calling it “Tops and Bottoms.” Personally, I don’t see what bathing suit components have to do with cinema, but Mike was very insistent about this title . . . although he kept giggling every time he said it, so I’m not sure how serious he was. Tops and Bottoms . . . nossir, I don’t get it. Anyway, this time we’re using the highly sophisticated Max-O-Tron 9000000 to generate the year (ignore any rumors that you might hear regarding the fact that the Max-O-Tron 9000000 is, in fact, a six-sided die and a set of percentile dice. Lies, I tell you, lies!) and through this incredibly complex algorithm (it would take a scientist to explain it), we settled on 1959. And what was 1959’s biggest cinematic success? A small-scale family drama involving a nice Jewish family called “Ben-Hur.” There’s love, spear-throwing, a friendly little chariot race and a few appearances by a young Jewish fella who broke his parents’ hearts by refusing to become a doctor and didn’t HE live to regret it! And remember: you’ll take Ben-Hur’s chariot when you pry it from his cold, dead hands, you damn dirty ape! Give a listen!
Poll question: when you hear that a movie is a multi-Oscar winner, does that influence your desire to see it? Positively or negatively? Leave a comment or call our Oscar-nominated hotline at 617-398-7266
All right, mes amis, listen here. I am the famous French (Canadian) detective, Inspector Faux Clousaux and here is mon assistante and turnip-handler, Mike-o. We are here investigating the murder of the latest podcast series “Zis Looks Like Ze Bon Place Pour a Stick-up.” Did I mention I was French (Canadian)? I believe that un of you is behind zis terrible . . . pardon, Mike-o? Really? You think my cravat is too last-season? Bon, bon, merci. Excusez-moi, I have instructed Mike-o to randomly attack my fashion sense, to prevent le sartorial complacency. Well done, Mike-o. Now, when last seen, ze series was discussing the, how you say, movie “Le Pink Panther,” the absurdist comedy about le thief de jewels and a bumbling French inspector. How laughable. As if zere could be le bumbling inspector . . . oh! Pardonez-moi, I almost knocked that priceless Ming vase onto that case of Faberge eggs. That would have been a terrible, if hilarious mishap. Now, to business! I believe this to be the work of the legendary criminale Le Petit Cheval, the, how you say, Pony. Now, if the charming French maid wouldn’t mind moving her hooves from the Persian rug, we can . . . un moment! Hooves?! Stop that maid! She is Le Pony! We have you now, miscreante! We . . . my shoes? What is wrong with my choice of shoes? NOT NOW, MIKE-O! The rest of you, give le listen to le case notes, or as you say in America, le Caste’ de Pod while we pursue the equine evil-doer! Arrete! Halt!
Poll question: What movie really, really needs a remake? Leave a comment or call our all-original hotline at 617-398-7266
Hey there, effendi! Check out these incredible bargains we have here at the Max, Mike; Market! Fabulous antiquities, shah! Look here, very rare: Attila the Hun’s hernia truss! Never before seen outside a museum . . . wait, don’t go, emir! My partner and I can see you are one of great discernment and taste, so feast your star-like eyes on this! Yes, that’s right! Socrates’ first iPhone case! You know, some fools don’t believe this even exists, pasha! And here! Marie Antoinette’s personal nose-hair trimmer! No, no, clearly that’s not right for . . . oh. Wait . . . maybe . . . we’ve been saving this for someone special! Behold! The Topkapi dagger! Last seen in the “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup” collection, lost for decades! This glorious treasure has been handled by the likes of Maximilian Schell and Peter Ustinov themselves! Look at the artistry! Look at those magnificent emeralds . . . wait, don’t touch . . . um, what’s that, agha? Why, everyone knows that the best emeralds are sticky! No, no, they’re definitely not Jolly Ranchers that have been carved to look like . . . wait, come back! Dang it, there goes another one . . . this is your fault, you ninny! I told you the dagger market is depressed! Hah? No, I don’t want to try to sell this . . . what did you call it? “The Orlov Diamond”? Huh, never heard of it. Toss it on the heap with that covenant arch or whatever that guy with the whip called it and let’s try to do some real business.
Poll question: Other than cash, what target of a movie heist would you most like to have for your own? Leave a comment or drop a dime on someone at our Hotline: 617-398-7266
Look, for this episode of “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup,” we’re dealing with the world of art theft and art forgery. Interesting stuff! No, neither of us had heard of this movie before, despite the intriguing cast, which includes Kurt Russell, Jay Baruchel, Matt Dillon and . . . Terrance Stamp? Really? Yes, really! In honor of this movie, Mike and I are attempting to replicate one of the masterworks of the 19th Century artist Cassius Marcellus Coolidge. Getting the color balance right, matching the elegance and superb attention to detail is no easy task but I have faith in Mike’s superlative skills. This work from 1903, a later piece, is famous around the world and will surely fetch us a serious pile of cash. I’m fairly certain there have been no copies or reproduction of the seminal piece. Gaze up on a rare image of the legendary painting and wonder: the next time you see it on loan from some famous museum, will you ever truly know if it’s the original . . . or is it ours. Also, give a listen about the movie!
The Coolidge.
Poll question: Which actor do you think just doesn’t get enough work?
Heyyyyy, good to see all youse folks again! I mean, we just saw you last week, right? ‘cause me and Mike have been here the whole time, right? You saw us . . . RIGHT? Anyone asks, we’ve been around the last few weeks, doing, y’know, charity stuff and helping orphans and that kinda crap. You remember that . . . RIGHT? Good. We thought so. So, we got this movie, right? It’s Spike Lee, which is kinda a surprise, really, ‘cause it’s a heist film and he don’t do that stuff, usual-like. But we’ve been talking about it for the last few weeks, right? RIGHT? Good. You remember us talking about it. Yeah, so we got some very naughty criminal types who are robbing a bank, which is very, very wrong. And there’s some lousy, stinking . . . I mean, public-serving, heroic-type cops, right? And there’s some hostages who probably should just keep their mouths shut and cooperate, if they know what’s good for them . .. uh, poor folks, who we’re very worried about. Uh, then it gets a bit confusing because there’s all this dough and maybe it gets taken and maybe it don’t and that kinda thing makes my head hurt and makes Mike REAL upset. You don’t wanna see Mike get upset. Uh, ‘cause he uses really harsh language, yeah, that’s right. So, give a listen while we talk about movies, like we’ve been doing RIGHT HERE for the last few weeks and no where near any other place, like the diamond exchange in Amsterdam, and anyone who says otherwise is a dirty stoolpigeon . . . sadly mistaken person. Right?
*Poll question: what on-screen acting team-up would you like to see that you haven’t seen yet? Leave a comment or call our Hotline at 617-398-7266.*
Ok, my l33t haxx0rz! We’ve got a major kludge to pen test here so let’s get to it. We’re going to hack this week’s episode of “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup,” 1992’s “Sneakers.” Coming off the “hacker mania” of the early 90’s (the Internet Worm, Operation: Sun-devil, and the horror that was “Mario Hotel”), this movie posits the frightfully tech-savvy question: “what if there was a magic box that could do magic things to every computer anywhere, all the time, in seconds?” So l33t! Very tech! Weird question? Well, what if some of the people who are trying to answer it are Robert Redford, Sidney Poitier, River Phoenix, and Mary McDonnell? No, seriously, those are just some of the big names in this cast. Surely the ever-so-computer-savvy minds of 1992 Hollywood would come up with something at least as believable as, oh, I don’t know, “Hackers,” right? They’ve got big, big names, so that’s got to be good, right? Well, give a listen and find out. End of line.
Poll question: what is your choice for most ludicrous, ridiculous movie plot? Leave a comment or leave a ludicrous, ridiculous message on our Hotline at 617-398-7266.
Ok, ok . . . easy . . . slow and steady does it. Now the electronics of this lock are TEMPEST-resistant, so we’re going to have to handle this old school. The molybdenum magnets should help with that; the glass packs and the relockers rule out any brute force methods so this is going to have to be surgical. No, don’t be an idiot; using soup is out of the question, and so is bumping the rig. Set up the diamond-tip drill but keep the tungsten carbide bit handy. Once we get past the outers, the thermic lance should get us through the inner reinforced barrier. Good, good. Hey, relax! You wanted the best Peter man available and you got him! Let’s be calm. Let’s be professional. Panic is the enemy. Just remember the payoff; there’s thirty million inside this . . . yes! We got it! Get the satchels ready, we’re . . . wait a sec . . . what’s that smell? Those don’t look like stacks of money . . . they look like . . . oh no . . . it’s not thirty million dollars! It’s thirty million kabookies! What do you mean, “how much is that in U.S. dollars?” Nothing! Kabookies are pancakes! DAMMIT! Well, let’s hope the cast of this week’s “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup” have better luck with their score. They’ve certainly got a heck of a team assembled: Robert Deniro, Edward Norton, and Marlon Freakin’ Brando! Plus, they’ve got Angela Bassett. How can they go wrong? Give a listen and find out!
Poll question: what real-world crime has never gotten a movie but deserves one? Leave a comment or call our Crime Reporting Hotline at 617-398-7266 and leave a message!
Welcome to our series “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup”! Now, we’ve never met before, have we? Of course not, ha ha! I have in my hand an ordinary deck of playing cards, an electric chainsaw, and a plucked, uncooked goose. I want you to choose a card, any card . . . good, good, don’t show it to me, just memorize it. Now put it here into the goose’s anal cavity. No, no it’s fine, no need for that look. Terrific! How about a hand for our volunteer folks?! Aren’t they great? Now, over here we have a perfectly live ordinary pony. You’re going to use that chainsaw to saw this pony in half while I hang from my nostrils over . . . excuse me? The card and the goose? Oh, no that has nothing to do with this trick; that was just . . . for me. Now . . . where are you going? You’re worried about the trick? Don’t worry! I’m perfectly safe! The pony . . . .? I’m perfectly safe! Wait, come back . . . dang it, I still don’t see how any of this is supposed to help me rob a bank but today’s movie “Now You See Me” should give you a better idea, despite its complete lack of pony mutilation. How do they do it? It’s magic! F you!
Poll question: who is your favorite cinematic rogue? Not necessary a criminal, but a scoundrel, a scruffy-looking nerf-herder, if you will? Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266 and leave a roguish voicemail!
Listen up, my shrewd and cunning listeners! We’ve called you here today because we’re planning a big job and we need your particular set of skills. That’s right, we’ve got a major score lined up: a brand new series called “This Looks Like a Good Place for a Stickup”, a series about heist movies and nothing but heist movies! Movies with cunning plans and brilliant operators where nothing can go wrong . . . can it? Our first target is a movie starring Sir Alec Guinness (if you search your memories, you may remember that he was in a couple of little, forgotten science fiction movies in the 70’s and 80’s. Pretty obscure; you probably haven’t heard of them) as Henry “Dutch” Holland, a man with a plan to steal a million pounds worth of gold from a British bank. Now, we need some very specialized operatives for this. Who among you is a qualified pastry chef? Great, you’re in. Now, we need an expert in low-impact glass blowing. Perfect, you’re in! We also need someone who knows everything there is to know about 16th Century Latvian folktales. Beautiful, you’re in! And of course, and this is essential, we need someone who knows how to easily dispose of the body of an unwanted pony. Good, good . . . this is going to go off without a hitch. Lend an ear and see if it does!
Poll question: who is your favorite cinematic criminal? Leave a comment or skulk over to our hotline at 617-398-7266 and leave a fiendish voicemail.
Heheheheheh! So you see we have come to the end of our series “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)”! But you may think you have won because we are now at the end but you must listen to me now and hear what I say because your kung fu is not strong enough to make it to the end of this series! No, it isn’t! Hahahahahaha, that is very amusing to me! You may think of kung fu movies as being like the works of the Shaw Brothers but their kung fu is weak and not strong but ours is stronger! Hahahaha! You better pay attention! Yeah! Listen to my inexplicable Australian accent as I explain your inevitable defeat! I say again, your kung fu is weak! The kung fu of Stephen Chow is much stronger! Hah! You know that the truth is inevitable and is your destiny! Or perhaps the destiny of your Master! Heh heh heh, your kung fu is so weak that you cannot possibly understand my brilliantly translated words ohhh? The Max and Mike School will conquer you! You are foolish to think that is not so! Hahaha! Come, listen to the strength of our words and see if you can face “Kung Fu Hustle” with the very best of us! Hahahaha, the idea makes me laugh very much! Ha!
Poll question: what is the best example of a cinematic mix of violence and comedy, and should they mix at all? Leave us a comment or call our pratfall hotline and leave a brutally hilarious voicemail at 617-398-7266
Cats. What do we know about them? We know that naming them is a difficult matter. We know that they are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. We know that T.S. Eliot was fond of them and Andrew Lloyd Weber found a way to turn that fondness into obsession (and the movie turned them into a nightmare). We know that a cat is an angel that poops in a box. But now, thanks to this week’s entry in our series “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)”, we know that they don’t dance. Ever. . . or do they? Spoiler alert: in this film they do, in a manner suspiciously reminiscent of Gene Kelly. Yes, enjoy the wacky hi-jinks as the cats Danny and Sawyer hoof (or claw) their way into your hearts. We learn that elephants can play the piano and penguins can tap-dance (without being voiced by Elijah Wood, even!). Is this lesser-known, somewhat . . . less than successful Warner Brothers animated movie a hidden gem? An unsung classic? A dull surprise? Give a listen and hack hork hack . . . sorry, hairball . . . and find out!
Poll question: who is your favorite cartoon animal?
Ok, most cunning and perceptive listeners, Max and Mike desperately need your help this week. Yes, through exhaustive research (following YouTube threads) and careful observation (watching Nicholas Cage movies), we’ve uncovered an ancient conspiracy involving the fate of the Necco wafer factory! Necco wafers: essential both as dry, chalky candy treats and makeshift poker chips. Yes, wake up, sheeple! You’ve been lied to! This is big, folks; it involves the Illuminati, the Rosicrucians, the Knights of Pythias, the Order of Free Gardeners, and That Weird Guy Bob Who Hangs Out Down By the Stop and Shop. Oh, this is a big one, folks, way bigger than the trivial nonsense in this week’s movie about a secret being printed on the back of the Declaration of Independence and Nick Cage trying to steal it! Pah! We’re finally going to reveal why Necco wafers were crushed back in 2003, vanishing from the earth . . . excuse me? Hah? Oh. They just moved the factory to Revere, Massachusetts? And they’re still making Necco wafers? Ok . . . well, this is awkward. Ummm . . . hey, have you noticed that “Necco” is an anagram for “Ocean” . . . if you turn one of the c’s into an a . . .? Hoo boy . . . well, uh, maybe just give a listen to our talk about a slightly less absurd conspiracy theory movie which raises the question: do you buy Jon Voight as Nick Cage’s father?
Poll question: What’s your favorite “treasure hunt” movie?
All right, maggots! Listen up and listen good! Your mamas are not hear to take care of you now! You are in Max, Mike; Movies, here at Camp “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)” and the only way out is over a heap of dead-and-watched movies! We are your Drill Podcasters and we are here to make sure that you make it through this week’s movie, one “1941,” directed by General Steven Spielberg, alive and with most of your sense of humor intact. You WILL watch this movie. You WILL NOT look away. You WILL recognize alums from “Saturday Night Live,” “Second City TV,” and “Animal House” in this movie! You WILL present your ribs for tickling and your knees for slapping! You WILL NOT wonder if the week after the attack on Pearl Harbor is an appropriate subject for comedy! No point in waiting for anyone to wipe your bottoms, you trash pandas! Join us aaaaaaand . . . WAIT FOR IT!!!! give a listen!
*Poll question: what’s your favorite Steven Spielberg movie and why? Leave a comment or contact our hotline at 617-398-7266 and leave us a voicemail.*
(sung to the tune of “Beach Baby” by The Beach Boys)
Do you remember back in old Aruk?
When the priest Rip Torn started running amok.
What happened to the king’s unborn son?
A witch stuffed him in a cow and away she run!
Beastmaster, Beastmaster, find you some pants
And go questing with tigers and ferrets.
Also a bird, with no name that I heard, and some bat folks.
Beastmaster, Beastmaster, twirlin’ your sword,
Gonna make out with sweet Tanya Roberts.
You’ve got John Amos and no one else famous to help you.
Yes, we’re rockin’ through the hits in this, our extended series “Cuz I Wanna (And You’re Gonna Like It!)! This week we’ve got a real . . . classic? With 1982’s “Beastmaster,” which brings us a largely unclothed and finely burnished Marc Singer, an underused Rip Torn, and some very badly dyed animals, some of which get names while others toil in obscurity. Join us for this legendary cheese-fest which spawned sequels and a tv series, which we’re SURE you all remember. Keep a close watch on your ferrets and give a listen!
Poll question: what is your favorite fantasy movie and why? Leave a comment or use our mystical hotline and leave a voicemail at 617-398-7266.
Welcome all you punks and punkettes, to this week’s entry in “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)”! This week, we are both rocking and/or rolling! Yes! We will rock out with our socks out! Anarchy within reasonable limits! Oo! We’re discussing perhaps the greatest movie ever to star both The Ramones and Clint Howard! Woo! Down with the establishment! We’re somewhat miffed at multiple authority figures! Hey, Mike! Watch me punk out! I’m going to set this glass on the table . . . WITHOUT a coaster! I’m out of control! You can’t stop me; don’t even try! Gamble Grimble Hey! Woo again! See, I’m making sure that this picture is hanging CROOKED! Oh god, I’ve become more animal than man! C’mon, let’s slam-dance! Yes . . . OW! Ow, ow, ow, my shoulder, ow, ow my hip! Ow ow OH NO! I’ve overturned the potpourri dish! Oh lord, all societal norms are collapsing! I’m feeling the urge to use harsh language to politely criticize the architects our current political structure! It’s too late for me! Run! Listen to our episode and save yourselves! Punk rock for a reasonable length of time!
Poll question: what band or musician who hasn’t made a movie would you like to see in a non-concert movie?
Howdy, I say, howdy, y’all! What’s all this here nonsense with all y’all goin’ gaga for this chicken-come-lately Benoit Blanc? Why, he’s, I say, he’s just poachin’ my act! Everyone knows that Foghorn Leghorn is the original Southern-Friend flat-claw. Blanc? Why, that boy’s about as sharp as a bowling ball! He’s so dumb, he thinks a pigpen is somethin’ to write with! Why, I say, why are these here fellas, Max and Mike, goin’ on about this fella in their “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It”) series? I say, they’re as mixed up as a feather in a whirlwind! I ask you! These boys got more nerve than a bum tooth! Where, I say, where’s my movie?! I could solve anything that over-dressed, I say over-dressed hayseed could! So, you all give a listen, I say, give a listen and let these two dumb clucks know how you feel about this rampant injustice against my avian person. Nice boys but about as sharp as a sack full of wet mice.
Poll question: who is your favorite made-for-film detective? Leave a comment or call our hot tip hotline at 617-398-7266 and leave a voicemail!
Hah hah! Stand back, musketeers! They shall sample MY blade! En garde! Touché! Café au lait! Yes, we have a swashbuckling classic this week in our “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It)” series, “The Scarlet Pimpernel”! And what a swashbuckler this is! Sword fights! Daring midnight chases! Desperate fist-fights . . . pardon? Oh. There’s NONE of that here? No musketeers? No “my blade”? Just disguises, cunning plans and . . . fashion tips? Really? . . . . huh. Well . . . this IS a famous swashbuckler movie, right? With Leslie Howard and Merle Oberon? Well . . . sink me! What sort of action movie is this? Hah? One of the antecedents for Batman? Seriously? Well, let’s talk about it then! Tie your cravats properly and give a listen!
Poll question: who is your favorite swashbuckler? Leave a comment or swing on a chandelier over to our hotline at 617-398-7266.
Duuuude! Welcome to, like, our series . . . ummmm, wait, I know this . . . “Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It!)” here at Max . . . Mike . . . something something . . . Sorry, dudes, I’m totally wacked out on this new Andromeda Strain kush. It’s like totally out of this world or something, right? I mean, it feels like my blood is turning to powder right inside me! So far out! Ok, yeah, it’s dissolving my vinyl couch but whatever, man, a couch is just a THING, right? I do NOT get why all these narcs in jumpsuits are freaking out about it, dude. I mean, they’re totally trying to bogart my stash and give it monkeys or something. Wait, did I already say that? Whatever, dudes, just get lifted on our totally mellow podcast today. So enjoy some Strain, or maybe some Squeeze and check us out. Peace!
Poll question: What is the most accurate-feeling s-f movie you’ve seen? Leave a comment or call our futuristic hotline at 617-398-7266.
You got trouble, my friends,
Right here in Little China!
With a capital “T” and that rhymes with “P” and that stands for Pan (crowd: “Lo Pan!”)
Yeah, you got trouble (big trouble!),
Right here in Little China!
Gotta find a girl with jade-green eyes, that is his plan.
(spoken) Mothers of Little China . . . heed this warning! Look for these signs: are your boys wearing red bandannas? Are certain words sneaking into their vocabulary? Words like “the first sovereign emperor” and “Ching Dai, god of the East”? Are they hanging around with the Three Storms and stealing trucks from Jack Burton?
Well if so, my friends . . .
Yup, we’ve got “Big Trouble in Little China this week in our “Cuz I Wanna (And You’re Gonna Like It)” series, a John Carpenter film that didn’t do so hot at the box office but found new life on home video. Does it squander that new life? How well does this forty-year-old movie about martial arts, Chinese mysticism, and Kurt Russell channeling John Wayne hold up? Give a listen . . . or this will really piss us off to no end!
Poll question: what’s your favorite movie that was ignored at the box office but found new life in some other form (home video, midnight shows)?
Steven Spielberg made a film
A.I., A.I., O!
And in this film he had some bots
A.I., A.I., O!
With bot-bot here and a bot-bot there,
Here a bot, there a bot, everywhere a bot-bot
Steven Spielberg made a film
A.I., A.I., O!
Steven Spielberg made a film
A.I., A.I., O!
And in this film he had Haley Joel Osment starring as a kid-bot
A.I., A.I., O!
With an act-act here, and an act-act there,
Here an act, there an act, everywhere an act-act
This is getting really dull,
A.I., A.I., O!
Well . . . that didn’t go as planned but we are in fact discussing Spielberg’s film “A.I.”, a film conceived of by Stanley Kubrick dealing with the nature of natural versus artificial intelligence and asking the questions “Can a robot love?” The film also asks if a human could love a robot, so you can tell this film predated 4Chan and some of the more questionable corners of the internet where that question has been emphatically answered in the affirmative. Please don’t confirm this for yourself. I beg you. Anyway, give a listen while Max-o-tron and Mike-bot discuss. A.I., A.I. . . . oh.
Poll question: what movie predicted future events/people/technology best? Leave a comment or call our super futuristic hotline at 617-398-7266
Snoogins! Me and Lunchbox got us a brand new series: “’Cuz I Wanna (and You’re Gonna Like It),” where we drop insights on movies that we’re watching just ‘cuz we wanna watch them, and we wanna talk about them and we haven’t watched or talked about them yet. Dang straight! And we’re kicking it off with Max’s favorite Kevin Smith flick, 1999’s “Dogma.” This is a simple, light-hearted film that deals with uncomplicated, uncontroversial topics like the nature of God, free will, whether Jesus was White, whether Jesus had siblings, and does God really take the form of a lovely Canadian Alt-Rocker? You know, stuff no one could ever possibly find upsetting or difficult to discuss rationally. Join us and see if we can manage it. Snootch to the mother-f’in nootch!
Poll question: what is your favorite cinematic depiction of celestial beings (angels, devils, god itself)? Leave a comment or call our Celestial hotline at 617-398-7266.
We come to the close of our spoooooky series “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm!” with a real whiz-bang of a film: vampires . . . in . . . SPAAAAAACE! Join Captain Frank N. Stein on the star-ship “Nosferatu” as he and his valiant crew, Lt. Renn Fields, Commander Mina O’Harker, and Medical Officer Dr. Acula (“I get it; I don’t like it”) battle the evil Van-Helsoids in a conflict that rages throughout time and space, boldly going to weird, fresh worlds, meeting exotic alien creatures, and draining their blood! Ok, no, this has nothing to do with the actual movie we’re watching, which is a vintage 60’s Italian science-fiction offering, but c’mon, Hollywood! I’m HANDING you your next hit franchise! Have you people call my people! Well, have them call my pony, anyway. In the meantime, set your vamp-o-beams to “exsanguinate” and give a listen!
Poll question: What is your favorite movie plot twist? Leave us a comment or twist our plot on our hotline at 617-398-7266.
Welcome to “Cooking with Max, Mike; Movies,” and another in our culinary series “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm!” You know, when preparing your favorite invertebrate dish, many people overlook the humble termite. Now, most of your haute cuisine recipes tend to focus on the more exotic insects, like the sago grub or the bamboo worm but we at this podcast think that the termite is a taste treat whose time has come. High in oil, they’re great for frying, with a delicately nutty taste. This batch we have here have been fed exclusively on Indian Snakewood, which gives them a marvelously complex flavor palate, and have spent their days bathing in a mild soy sauce/rice wine mixture. Today we’ll be frying them up in sesame oil for a tasty treat that can’t be beat! Ohohohoho, pardon my little quip. This dish should pair well with today’s movie, “Renfield”, whose protagonist prefers his arthropods and arachnids tartare, which is a perfectly acceptable way to enjoy them, other than the fact that they may tend to crawl off the plate, but to each their own! Yes, Mr. Renfield, played by Nicholas Holt, enjoys his six-legged friends as snacks, while his “master” Dracula, played by Nicholas Cage, prefers to spend his days munching on scenery. Enjoy, and bon appetit!
Poll question: what part, if any, of standard vampire lore strikes you as particularly silly/odd/dumb. Exemption: Stephanie Meyers’ sparkle ponies.
Yee haw! Welcome to another rootin’ tootin’ ready-fer-shootin’ episode of “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm!” Dang, will y’all listen to them children of the night? They make some right purty music don’t they? We got us some good ol’ ‘MURICAN vampires this week, ‘cept’n they don’t rightly call themselves vampires, do they. Nope, these here are Freedompires! Well, that’s what they should be called on account they’re all bit-in-the-U-S-of-A, homegrown bloodsuckers. We got us some favorites of that there James Cameron fella, like Lance “Born to Play a Vampire” Henricksen, Jeannette Goldstein, and F’in’ Bill Paxton hisself! So set a spell, have a shot of moonshine, and listen on up. Good eeeeeevening and yee-haw!!
Poll question: What setting/culture/genre would you most like to see vampires plunked down into?
We’re back! In this week’s episode of “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm!” we are discussing that most terrifying supernatural creature: the Willem Dafoe. No one knows how long the Willem Dafoe has haunted the dreams of humankind but people everywhere are horribly fascinated by this creature of myth. In Japan, he is known as “Dafoe Willem.” In France, they warn their children about “Le Willem Dafoe”; in Germany, peasants used to whisper tales of “Der Willem Dafoe.” Why is this blood-freezing creature of legend so prevalent? Why do so many superstitions tell us that he cannot enter a dwelling if there is a pink-painted Hostess Twinkie nailed to the door? Why does he fear an autographed copy of any Nora Roberts novel published before 1998? How does he subsist only on chocolate-covered escargot? We may never know . . . but we do know that he stars in this movie as a much less frightening creature, a strange actor who may or may not be a simple vampire, in this fictionalized story of F.W. Murnau’s filming of his most famous hit, 1922’s “Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror.” Join us and LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! IT’S WILLEM DAFOE! Ha ha ha, gotcha!
Poll question: which do you enjoy more: supernatural monsters like vampires or science-based monsters like mutants or aliens?
Version 1.0.0
In this week’s installment of “I Vant To Vatch Your Feelm!”, we’ve got a movie that’s got a certain level of Fame. Starring Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarandon, and once again never using the “V” word, this movie follows two Scary Monsters, two real Diamond Dogs, if you will and their struggles with immortality, or lack thereof. Catherine Deneuve is a Queen Bitch and has set her sights on a real Jean Genie, Susan Sarandon. Susan, one of the Young Americans, can’t tell if Catherine is just a Space Oddity or something more sinister. Perhaps Catherine is running out of Golden Years and just wants Susan to answer the question: Is There Life on Mars? Catherine’s current lover, the Man Who Sold the World is going through some Changes that may lead him from Ashes to Ashes, and is no longer a Sweet Thing. But Susan is a true Rebel Rebel and will not go quietly. What is the ultimate fate of these characters? The answer can be found in this episode’s Sound and Vision. By the way, did I mention David Bowie is in this movie? Huh. Must have slipped my mind. Oh well, doesn’t matter. Let’s Dance!
Poll question: Are you a fan of vampires in movies? Why or why not?
Well, last week in our series “I Vant To Vatch Your Feelm!”, we were knee-deep in the 70’s and this week, with “The Lost Boys”, we are hip-deep in the 80’s, as well as waist-deep in early appearances by later stars. We’ve got Keifer Sutherland, way before he got all “24” on us. We’ve got Edward Hermann, years before “The Gilmore Girls.” We’ve got both Coreys, Feldman and Haim, two legendary fixtures of the 80’s. We’ve got Alex Winter slightly before he became Bill S. Preston, Esquire. We’ve even got Jason Patric, long before he . . . um . . . well, I’m sure he did some other stuff after this, right? We’ve got Diane Wiest, before she did EVERYTHING. And best of all, we have my close, personal friend Barnard Hughes (who I met once when I was 12). What a movie! All this cast would need is a bunch of blood-drinking supernatural beings . . . and I have the most extraordinary coincidence to report! So how does this movie hold up? Did it ever? Join us in Santa Carla and find out!
Poll question: What under-used folkloric monster deserves its place on the silver screen? Leave a comment or call our monster-mashing hotline at 617-398-7266.
What is happening, all you (checks notes) jiving turkeys? We are (checks notes) keeping on truck-in with our groovy series “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm” with this week’s (checks notes) funkley entry “Blacula.” Let us give you (checks notes) the skinny on this (checks notes) slamming, whoops, I mean, slammin’ flick, while we head out in our (checks notes) shaggin’ wagon and hit the road in search of our next jive-talking (hah, didn’t need my notes for that one) movie. Hey, Mike, don’t (checks notes) bogart all that Bumpypux cereal! Yes, as you can see I have extensively researched the classic slang of the 70’s and can now seamlessly work it into conversation. “But Max,” you might say, “didn’t you live through the 70’s? Wouldn’t you already know all the cool slang?” Well, elegantly coifed but naïve listener, I did indeed live through the 70’s but at no point could I be considered cool. Golly! But don’t let that detract from our discussion of “Blacula”, one of the best-known of the Blaxploitation movies of the 70’s . . . or is it? We’ll try to let you know, and we (checks notes) ain’t just woofin’! Wait, was that a real phrase? It was? Seriously? Huh . . .
Poll question: Who do you think is the worst cinematic vampire? Leave a comment or call our Emergency Blood Donation hotline at at 617-398-7266
Good eeeeeeeevening! Welcome to our latest series: “I Vant to Vatch Your Feelm”, a series devoted to das Vampir, no, dammit, the Vampyre, no, that can’t be right . . . VAMPIRES. Got it? That’s the spelling and that’s what we’re calling them. Vampires appear in many, many cultures in many different forms and in NONE of the cultures that matter do they sparkle. Let’s make that clear right now, ok? No sparkling from anything even vaguely resembling one of the nosferatu. Sure, most vampire movies deal with the Big D (no, not Dunkin. Why would you even think that?) but there are quite a few movies where no one mentions Captain Opera Cloak, or if they do, it’s in an . . . unusual manner. We’re focusing on the more off-beat, maybe slightly non-standard vampire movies and we’re starting off with an entry from that well-known horror film director . . . Jim Jarmusch? Hah? Ok, that’s different. “Only Lovers Left Alive” is indeed a vampire movie, despite the fact that the “V” word is never used once. Check out Tilda Swinton as she once again shows she can do anything, and Tom Hiddleston who . . . made me ask myself some deeply personal, searching questions . . . cut that out, you damn sexy Limey! Give a listen and see what’s got us all leather pants, I mean, interested!
Poll question: who’s the coolest vampire? Dracula? (and which one?) Lestat? Celine from “Underworld”? Vampire Bill? Comment or call hotline at 617-398-7266
I guess we could see this coming, as we close out our “Directors in Short Pants” series with Sam Raimi’s first work, “The Evil Dead”: Mike and I have been transformed into a pair of eldritch horrors from beyond time and space. Dang it, this is REALLY inconvenient right now. As far as I can tell, I am now Yog Maxoth, the Lint Ball at the Center of the Chaos Vortex and my unspeakable co-host, through no fault of his own, has become Mykograh, the Flatulence of the Shattered Realm. Hoo boy. Not sure how this happened, but I’m willing to bet it’s Bumpy’s fault somehow. This is gonna make our podcasts more challenging; Mykograh is our sound engineer and he hasn’t figured out how to work a keyboard with his infinite number of wickedly barbed tentacles. I’m not sure how I’m going to contribute to the show anymore, as the sound of my voices (yes, I now have eleven mouths that speak in an otherworldly atonal chorus) cause anyone who hears me speak to lose all connection with sanity and reality as their soul shatters. That’s just embarrassing for everyone involved. Seriously. Well, we’re going to try to get this all sorted out but for now, give a listen and enjoy our ell’symth ia! Ia! Shum’teth l’laandal ootr’etch! And we both mean that!
Poll question: What is your favorite horror movie or if you have no favorite, what movie put you off horror movies? Leave a comment or call our terrifying Fright Line at 617-398-7266
Hear Max, Mike; Movies
With “Directors in Short Pants.”
Kurosawa’s first.
Our thoughts on movies
Flow like a winding river.
Bumpy drowns in it.
- Two haikus, attributed to Yotta Bakamono
Poll question: What is your favorite martial arts movie? Boxing counts! Comment below or call our Butt-Kicking Hotline and leave a voicemail! 617-398-7266
[dramatic music] Good evening! Welcome to a special edition of Max, Mike; News in another in our continuing expose: “Directors in Short Pants.” Tonight, our subject is: “it.” Just what is “it”? How is “it” effecting our children? Is “it” currently illegal? Should “it” be legalized? How does “it” effect our economy? Is “it” in your very neighborhood? Could “it” be lurking in your home? Is “it” making promises it can’t keep? Should we be concerned about foreign versions of “it” entering out country? Our guest this evening is Mr. Spike Jones, who, in his first feature film, boldly asserts that “She” has to have “it.” Is this true? How badly does anyone need “it”? Stay tuned and we’ll try to present you with the answers. Please stay tuned. Please. Please, baby baby, please, stay tuned . . .
Poll question: Who’s your favorite female cinematic character?
We are trundling along through our “Directors in Short Pants” series! This week, our contestant (contestant?!) is Robert Rodriguez; you may know him as the director of the beloved children’s movie series “Spy Kids” (who else could get Ricardo Montalban and Sylvester Stallone in the same scene?!) or you may know him as the creator of such massively violent films such as “Desperado” and “Once Upon a Time in Mexico.” But in his first outing as a director, we find that he is in fact . . . a maker of educational films! Who knew? Before I saw “El Mariachi,” I just thought of a Mariachi as a skilled guitar player and vocalist. Little did I dream that your average Mariachi is also skilled with mace-and-chain, multiple firearms, and precision acrobatics, not to mention improvised ziplining! I mean! We can learn so much from Mr. Rodriguez. Thank you, Robert, for teaching us so much and for making us laugh at love . . . again. Find out what else we learned by giving a listen!
Poll question: If there is violence in a movie, is it better for it to be bloodless and cartoony or realistic and brutal? Leave a comment or bludgeon our hotline at 617-398-7266
Were you born in a cross-fire hurricane? Did you or any member of your family howl at your ma in the driving rain? Have you been crowned with a spike right through your head? If so, you may be entitled to compensation. Here at the law firm of Max, Mike, & Bumpy, we can help you get the payment you deserve for your difficulties. Others may tell you that it’s all right now, some attorneys may try to convince you that it’s a gas but at Max, Mike, & Bumpy, we know better. In fact, we will school such people with a strap right across their back. We think our client series “Directors in Short Pants” speaks for itself but why not come down to the offices of Max, Mike, & Bumpy and we will give you a free consultation session. Come on down today! At Max, Mike, & Bumpy, we will make your adversaries feel like they’ve been drowned, washed up, and left for dead. Now that’s a gas, gas, gas! Give a listen today!
Poll question: what ingredient, if any, do you feel is missing from today’s movies? Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266
This week we plunge along in the mysterious wilderness that is “Directors in Short Pants” with the directorial debut of Sofia “Please Don’t Make Me Act Anymore, Dad!” Coppola. Her freshman effort was “The Virgin Suicides,” perhaps not as popular as some of her later films but one that certainly got talked about. Honestly, it’s kind of hard to come up with a funny blurb this week given this film’s content and underlying theme (spoiler alert: the title of the film is kind of a spoiler itself). While we hope you’ll give a listen to our show, we would like to mention that, regardless of our overall opinion of the movie, both Mike and I would urge you to only watch the movie if you’re in a sound place emotionally. If the darkness of the outside world is getting to you (as it is to me), this is not the sort of “pleasant escape” movie that might help. Just putting that out there. Our show, on the other hand, IS a pleasant escape . . . from quality or talent! Har har! See what I did there? Wakka wakka! Heyooo! . . . Yeah, the movie is kind of a bummer.
Poll question: Is there any subject you feel is too delicate, sensitive, or inappropriate to be portrayed in a movie? Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266
Woowww, it’s another episode of “Directors in Short Pants” again, that’s wild. We’re checking out Wes Anderson’s first effort, “Bottle Rocket.” While this movie is devoid of weird prop shots, the sounds of typewriters, twee costumes, and has a profound lack of either Bill Murray or Tilda Swinton, please believe me when I tell you that this is certainly a Wes Anderson movie. We do get not one, not two, but three Wilson brothers in this. Yes, in addition to Anderson faves Luke and Owen (in their first on-screen appearances), we also get the third Wilson brother, Zeppo. No, wait, that’s wrong . . . Shemp? No, still not right . . . Andrew! That’s it, Andrew Wilson, who went on to do many other movies of some sort or other, I’m sure of it. Put on your beret, listen to some plinking harpsicord music and give a listen.
Unrelated, I still think this Saturday Night Live bit that asks the question “what if Wes Anderson made a horror film?” is pretty spot-on.
Poll question: what actor, male or female, has done something on or off screen that’s made you just say “no more!” Leave a comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266
Sharks. Fascinating. Terrifying. Humanity has long been fascinated by these ancient predators that come in so many forms. They’ve even earned their own Week on National Geographic! There are Ghost Sharks that terrify, there are Mega Sharks that devour, there are 6-Headed Sharks that have trouble sharing, there are Ouija Sharks that are just confusing. Sometimes these strange beasts merge with other horrors, forming such things as a Sharktopus, a Mummy Shark, or even a Jurassic Shark (or two). There have even been reports of sharks merging with other natural disasters, forming such things as a Sharknado (five times!). But I think it’s safe to say that the movie that launched all of the cinematic classics mentioned above (all of which are real, by the way) is also the movie that became the first Summer Blockbuster and is the perfect choice to round out our series “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not”: Steven Spielberg’s second-ever cinematic release, “Jaws.” Pull up a floatation barrel, secure yourself in your shark cage and give a listen as your favorite salty old seadogs Max and Mike tell you if it’s safe to go back in the water again. Farewell and adieu, you fair Spanish ladies (and gentlemen).
Poll question: When you’re in a bad mood, what movie or what sort of movie do you like to watch, if any, to take you out of it? Write below or call our shark-spotter hotline at 617-398-7266!
Flickering dizzying hypnotic light.
The director reaches out to snare your eyes, your mind, your heart.
First time. The director despoils the virgin film with his demands.
Light and shadows dance.
Up is down. Right is wrong.
Whatever the director says is truth for those few minutes in a dark theater.
Gum clings to your shoe.
The film clings to your soul.
Shadows. John Cassavetes. Meaning. Meaningless. There is nothing.
There is only the film.
— “Movies Am Good” by Max Kerowacky
Poll question: Is there a director that you really just can’t stand, whose name you see and just go “nope”?
We’re plunging ahead with our series “Directors in Short Pants” with Robert Eggers’ first egg-fort (I’m sorry; I’ll leave quietly) “The Witch.” What’s that? You’ve never seen this movie? Well, you must be A WITCH! A WITCH! BURN THEM! BURRRRNNN THEEMMMMMM! ahem Anyway, you can clearly see the themes and tropes that Eggers uses throughout his just-starting-out career. You can’t seem them? Only a WITCH WOULDN’T SEE THEM! A WITCH! THEY MUST BE BUUUURRRRRNED! Um, so right, I don’t know about you but this movie had no effect on me whatsoever and anyone it did effect could only BE A WITCH! WITCH! WITCH! WITCHES EVERYWHERE! MY MAIL CARRIER IS A WITCH! THAT POODLE! WITCH!! THAT FRYING PAN! IT’S A WITCH! BURN THEM! BURN EVERYONE! BURN ME! ONLY ANOTHER WITCH WOULD SEE WITCHES EVERYWHERE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Give a listen, won’t you? Don’t make me accuse you of witchcraft! ‘cause I’ll do it! You know I will!
Poll question: who is your favorite witch of movie or TV fame? Comment or call our “Witch Accusation Hotline” at 617-398-7266
Yeah, hi, so, y’know, I guess we’re doing a new series, or whatever. Something about famous directors, right, and their first-ever full-length movies and stuff. Or whatever. “Directors in Short Pants” or something, I dunno, none of it really matters. Everything’s set against us, right? It’s all big plots by alien Freemasons and junk, right? So what’s the point of anything? So, we’re starting, I guess, with this guy Richard Linklatter (like that’s a real name, right?) and he did a movie in 1990 called “Slacker,” right, so I guess, ooo, he’s SUCH a big deal and we should just all fall on our knees and worship him and whatever, right? Just because he, you know, DID a thing. So capitalistic. He’s just another guy working for the Man, ok? At least here, Mike and I aren’t being hypocrites, right? I mean, we’ve got podcast, right, so OBVIOUSLY we’re making the world better by talking about movies and stuff, ok? How? Oh, you wanna know how talking about movies makes the world better? Oh man, if you really wanna know, here, you’re gonna need this flowchart I sketched on a Denny’s napkin . . . so, it really starts with the Hollow Earth Theory, ok? And there are like these lizard people who started the Rosicrucians and . . . hey, where you going? C’mon! I got more napkins . . . can I at least bum a smoke?
Poll question: What movie have you seen the most times IN A THEATER? Streaming, home video doesn’t count?
Sweet Aunt Petunia’s plaid knickers! It’s another in our series “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not”! And guess what, True Believers (and False Deniers, for that matter), we’re checking out the fourth (or fifth, depending on how you count them) iteration of Marvel’s First Family, The Fantastic Four! Roger Corman set the bar pretty high, I know, but we only hope! So enjoy as Fantasti-Max and Fantasti-Mike regale you on our Fantasti-podcast as to what is Fantasti-great in the movie and what, if anything, Fantasti-sucks! Crack open a cold Fantasti-drink, sit back in your Fantasti-chair and . . . Mike, this is the last time I let you talk me into using one of Marvel’s Fantasi-AIs to “tune things up”! I’m gonna Fanstati-smack you right in your Fantasti-face! Dammit, how do I turn off this Fantasti-filter?! Marvel you can Fantasti-kiss my Fantasti-[fantasti-redacted] you bunch of [fantasti-redacted fantasti-redacted fantasti-redacted] AAAAHHHHHHHHH! Just give a Fantasti-listen, won’t Fantasti-you?
Poll question: what summer blockbuster do you remember anticipating most when you were young? Leave a comment or call our Misty Water Colored Memories hotline at 617-398-7266.
We have finally come to the end of our “Oh No! A Giant Monster!” series with 1990’s “Tremors,” the terrifying story of what life would be like with giant underground monsters boring through the earth below us and rumble OH GOD NO! IT’S A GRABOID! IT HAS TO BE! WE’RE ALL DOOMED! IF ONLY . . . oh, hang on, that was the icemaker switching on. Hoo. That was close. So, we’re coming to the close of rumble OH GOD WHAT’S THAT HORRIBLE SHAKING NOISE?! WE’RE GOING TO BE DEVOURED FOR SURE! HOW COULD . . . oh, ok, wow, I gotta get that air conditioner fixed. Shouldn’t be making that kind of noise . . . guess I’m a little on edge. Anyway, we rumble blatttttt OH GOD I KNEW IT THIS IS THE END . . . wait, what’s that smell . . . ? Oh, man, Mike, I warned you about those bean, cauliflower, lentil and broccoli salads! Someone open a window! Oh lord, the paint is peeling off the walls! Dammit, Mike…! Folks, just give a listen to this week’s show while I call a hazmat team. My eyes! Oh god, my eyes are burning! Gee, I sure hope we don’t get interrupted next week by another Summer Blockbuster . . .
Poll question: What is your favorite performance by Kevin Bacon? Leave a comment or call our “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” hotline at 617-398-7266.
Look! Up on the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a frog! (A frog?!) It’s another remake of “Sooperdooperman”, this time from James “Tommy” Gunn (that’s what I call him, ‘cause we’re best friends and I totally know him in real life and I’m not just talking about a stuffed penguin that I named James “Tommy” Gunn at all I don’t know why you would even think that). Yes, we’re got another of our Interrupting Series “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not” and it’s quite the buster of blocks . . . or is it? Me, I don’t think “Tommy” Gunn really needed to include an in-depth narrative dive into all the types of Kryptonite out there. I mean sure, there’s Green Kryptonite that kills, Red Kryptonite that causes random plot devices to occur, and Gold Kryptonite that permanently removes Kryptonian super-powers (don’t know how they tested that . . .) but do we really need to know about Chartreuse Kryptonite that forces Superman to mix stripes with plaids? Or Taupe Kryptonite that causes any Kryptonian to experience uncontrolled, explosive nose-hair growth? Or Indigo Kryptonite that forces Superman to become obsessed with the intrinsic impermanence of all existence? Or Mauve Kryptonite, that causes any Kryptonian to talk endlessly about the novels of Susan Sondheim? Sure, all this is canon (and I when I say “canon” I mean my personal head-canon; don’t get me started on Industrial Grey Kryptonite) but do they need to spend 90 minutes of the film discussing them? No, of course they don’t, which is why none of this comes up in the film. Are you nuts? Am I nuts? Is Mike nuts? I think the answer here is pretty obvious, Josephine, but that’s neither here nor over behind that chair. Give a listen and see what we thought about what ACTUALLY happens in the film.
Poll question: who’s your favorite Superman, in movies or TV? Who wore the cape the best?
Moms! Dads! Are your kids bored with their plain old dinosaurs? Are they no longer excited by uninteresting Velociraptors and bland, predictable Compsognathus? Are tired of their sad, lonely faces and want another chance to buy the love and respect of your offspring? Then come on down to Max and Mike’s Jurassic World! You want dinosaurs? We got dinosaurs! We got the Amazosaurus Rex! We got the Superawesomecoolodon! We got the Extremeradatops! Come on down now for our “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not” sale! Our helpful and overly-talented sales staff, including Scarlett Johannson and Mahershala Ali will be glad to help you select from our Totally New Dinosaurs! Now with Extra References to Other Movies!! And while you’re here, why don’t you check out our selection of Gently Used Movie Plots, ‘cause we’ve got so many of those, we’re practically giving them away! So come on down! Put yourselves and your kids in carefully supervised jeopardy at our fabulous showroom, just off Highway 78A, at the “Meddling In Things Man Is Not Meant To Know” exit! Come on down! We’ve got free hotdogs and Pegomastax the clown!
Poll question: what film do you think could be expanded into a franchise? Whose adventures do you want to see more?
Hello. This week on the Max, Mike; Movies series “Oh No! A Giant Monster!” we’re going to be discussing “Monsters.” What truly is a monster? It can be a mania, a mash, or even a truck. And yes, it can also be a giant, extra-natural being that can, simply due to its basic nature, cause a certain amount of distress to property and people. Yes, a “monster” can be alarming, yes they can seem different, alien, non-human . . . but ask yourself this: isn’t there a monster inside each of us? Don’t we all have our inner monster? Who among us hasn’t looked in the mirror in the morning and seen a post-human hell-spawn, with wells of dark fire where our eyes should be and fangs dripping pustulant venom? I know I have. Who really, honestly, hasn’t spread their leathery, be-clawed wings and indulged their perfectly natural urge to rain blazing death down on the shrieking city dwellers below us? I know I have. And yet we insist on reviling these so-called “monsters,” shunning them, disparaging them to others, firing anti-tank missiles at me, I mean, at them. People, this needs to stop. We need to enter into a frank and open dialogue with these alleged “monsters.” We need to stop firing newly-developed hyperweapons at us, I mean them. Think about it, won’t you? I’ll take the first step: I’m off to engage in an honest and meaningful exchange of thoughts, concepts, and concentrated plasma breath with the city of Cleveland. Hopefully we’ll all grow from this.
Poll question: what movie franchise do you think has had enough already and should be quietly laid to rest? Leave a comment or a voicemail on our “A Monster! Everybody Panic!” hotline at 617-398-7266.
Well, well, well, Mr. Bumpy. You’ve been a busy little pony, haven’t you? I do hope the restraints aren’t too uncomfortable. No doubt you came here expecting another giant monster movie . . . but sadly, the plans have been changed. A-heh heh heh . . . oh, do pardon the dry chuckle but the look on your face. . . . You tried so hard, didn’t you? Well this week’s movie is part of, shall we say, a SPECIAL series, a series designed specifically for the summer months. We’re calling it “Summer Blockbusters and Summer Not.” A brief little series this shall be, covering some of the, shall we say, “hottest” movies of the Summer. Aheh heh heh. Droll, is it not? And wouldn’t you know it, we’re starting off with a follow-up to a movie that was reviewed right on this very show: “Mission: Impossible: Final Reckoning” starring that amusing little Tom Cruise fellow. The irony is palpable, is it not? This show started something . . . and now I’m going to finish it. Once. And. For. All. You know, we’re not so different, you and I . . . Now, If you’ll direct your attention to the monitor we can get . . .No! How did a walrus get in here?! Watch out for flying Necco Wafers! How did that thrice-damned pony get out of the restraints?! Guards! Seize him! What? No, don’t kill him! I need him alive! I haven’t finished gloating! I want him alive . . . wait, no, that’s stupid. If he’s alive, he can still screw things up! You know what? Just have the snipers take him out right now . . . ah, perfect, thanks so much. Hmmm . . . oddly doesn’t feel as satisfying but, oh well. Now . . . let the world tremble before our discussion of this movie! That’s what induces world-trembling, right? Insightful film criticism? I’m sure that’s right . . .
Poll question: What is your favorite tv-show-to-movie adaptation? Leave a comment or leave a voicemail on our Tom Cruise Running hotline at 617-398-7266!
You know what really chaps my nose? Teenagers! Them dang kids, always riding their jalopies around at crazy speeds, like thirty miles per hour . . . swinging those indecent hula-hoops around . . . listening to that devil’s Big Band music . . . well, for this week’s episode of “Oh No! A Giant Monster!” we’re talking about one of the great unsung heroes of cinema: “The Blob.” Here’s a decent, civic-minded mass of corrosive protoplasm who ends up on Earth, minding its own business, maybe eating one old hermit (probably on Welfare or Unemployment, good riddance) and next thing the poor thing knows, it’s being harassed by, you guessed it, teenagers! Whether they’re hot rodding around or smooching (disgusting!) nearby, these wild hooligans won’t leave our poor, hungry hero alone. Of COURSE he’s going to eat one or two of the townsfolk; serves ‘em right for putting up with these ding-dang teens! And you’d think a nice, mature fella like Steve McQueen would know better, but no! He’s claiming to be one of the teenagers! Traitor! I won’t spoil the heartbreakingly tragic ending but you don’t shed a tear at the end, well, you’ve got a heart of stone. Give a listen and enjoy; I see a cloud that needs yelling at!
Poll question: what is your favorite monster or monster-movie based song? Leave a comment or leave a voicemail on our Singing Monster hotline at 617-398-7266!
You know who we don’t talk about enough on this podcast? Vin Diesel. Yes, that big bald heap of a man has given us some truly awe-inspiring performances, and some epic line-reads. So, on this week’s episode of “Oh No! A Giant Monster!” we are going to correct this tragic error with a show about “The Iron Giant.” While Vin-vin may only deliver around 50-odd words in this entire performance, surely they rank with his other brilliant expostulation such as “Family,” “I am Groot,” “We are Groot” and, of course, “I’ll kill you with my teacup.” Does this early Brad Bird piece of animation provide any lines with such pathos, such depth, and such an opportunity to tease out another bravura performance from Vinny-vin-vin? Give a listen and find out!
Poll question: what is your favorite animated movie? Leave a comment or call and leave a voicemail on our Giant Robot Sighting Hotline at 617-398-7266!
Well, if we’re doing “Oh No! A Giant Monster!” as a series, there is no way we can ignore the King of Monsters, Godzilla (or Gojira, if you’re a purist). Godzilla: seventy years of squashing Tokyo under his belt and he shows no signs of slowing down. But which movie to choose? There are so many, both Japanese and American. Wow, this is tough . . . I know! How about a Godzilla movie with the smallest amount of Godzilla possible in it?! Sure! How about he gets frozen in a block of ice at the beginning and then we don’t see him for almost an hour? Genius! But have no fear, there’s plenty of other giant monsters to run screaming from . . . in fact, there’s almost all of them . . . briefly, anyway. And if that’s not enough for you, we’ve got aliens who dress like Matrix extras! And mutants whose mutations seem to mainly involve having really great hair. Truly this is an age of wonders! Not enough for you? How about rip-offs, I mean, tributes to “Independence Day” and several “Matrix” movies! Still not enough? How about marital arts fights? How about martial arts fights on motorcycles? How about scenes evocative of various Power Rangers shows? Yes, this movie truly does have it all . . . all of what? Well, give a listen and see if we can make any sort of sense out of this . . . or if we even need to!
Poll question: who is your favorite, most fun kaiju (giant monster)? Leave a comment or call our “I Godzilla” Hotline at 617-398-7266. Who knows? The Big G himself might answer (spoiler: he won’t answer).
When Mike said he was choosing a movie about a troll for this week’s episode of “Oh No! A Giant Monster!”, I naturally assumed he would make the obvious choice of an animated classic. No, not those silly “Trolls” movies with Anna Kendrick and Justin Timberland or whatever his name is; those are just colorful jukebox movies that I guess SOME people enjoyed. Nor did I expect “Trollkins: the Movie” but mainly because that remains sadly unfilmed. No, I truly believed that Mike would choose the greatest cinematic portrayal of a troll: Don Bluth’s tragically misunderstood “A Troll in Central Park.” Starring the voice talents of such luminaries as Dom DeLuise, Haley Mills, and Charles Nelson Riley (not to mention Cloris Leachman), this emotional tour de force has long been dismissed simply because it has a 14% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and because of ludicrous criticisms such as “slow” and “cloying” and “this is the same guy who did ‘Secret of NIMH’? What happened?” I am very sad to announce that Mike showed a similar barbaric response when I suggested that this would be his choice, mostly involving him laughing until Bosco came out his nose. No, he chose a giant monster movie (ok, that’s SLIGHTLY more in keeping with this series’ theme) from some country called Nogaway or something. I think he made it up. Anyway, courage, Don Bluth! I will tell the story of your greatest troll-based triumph some day! Until then, give a listen.
Poll question: what do you think is the most effective movie monster? Leave a comment or call our Giant-Monster-Sighting Hotline at 617-398-7266.
This week’s entry in our series “Oh No! A Giant Monster!” asks the question “Just what makes that little old ant/Think he’ll move that rubber tree plant/Everyone knows an ant/Can’t/Move a rubber tree plant.” BUT what if that selfsame ant is mutated by the magic that is 1950’s radiation into a GIANT ant? You don’t think he could smack around all the rubber tree plants he wants? Of course he can! And that’s the message of this week’s movie “Them!” That’s right, if you come up against a problem that seems too big for you to handle, get yourself exposed to the sorcerous wonder that is nuclear radiation and grow to gigantic size. It worked for the Amazing Colossal man! It worked for the Fifty Foot Woman! It can work for you and me. Hmmm . . . ok, maybe that isn’t exactly the message of this week’s movie. I suppose a more literalist interpretation would be more along the lines of “OH MY GOD! GIANT ANTS ARE KILLING PEOPLE! KILL THEM KILL THEM KILL THEM! SOMEONE GET A REALLY BIG SNEAKER TO HIT THEM WITH!” Yeah, if I’m being honest, that’s closer to the heart of this movie. But do these cinematic Hymenoptra terrify or just look silly? How about the actors? Hey, Peter Graves’ brother James Arness is in this! Does that count for something? Give a listen and find out!
Poll question: what kind of movie monster can you just not take seriously?
Welcome to a brand new, city-crushing series! We here at Max, Mike; Movies like to be larger-than-life so we’re trying to come up with some larger-than-life ideas for AHHHHH! A GIANT MONSTER IS ATTACKING THE CITY!! Ohhhhhh! Is it the judgment of the gods? Is it a metaphor for nuclear destruction? Perhaps it is the friend of all children! Hmmm, one would think the friend of all children would step on fewer orphanages, but perhaps the monster is just lonely or misunderstood. Giant monsters: so like us, and yet so not. But boy, do they generate a great number of movies, so we’re gonna talk about a bunch of them and perhaps THAT will save the city! Hey, it’s worth a try! We’re kicking off our new series, “Oh No! A Giant Monster!” with an early J.J. Abrams movie, produced by Steven Spielberg, so you know there will be adorable kids and plenty o’ lens flares! What more could a movie need? Why, a giant monster, that’s what! Give a listen and find out if we are all DOOOOOOMED or if beauty will kill the beast.
Poll question: what movie really represents your childhood?
Oi! We’re so done with our f-ing series “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That 3: the ReBelievening”! And we’re closing it out with some serious PUNK ACTION! “Repo Man”! Yeah! Because Mike and I are totally punk! Look, Mike’s got a safety-pin stuck through his shirt collar in place of a button! How punk is that?! Me, I’m refusing to repair this small rip in my pants because ANARCHY! Yeah! Rage! Like this movie, we’re consumed by the anger and the frustration of the 1980’s and we’re not gonna take it! Mike, flip over that table! . . . No, no, don’t carefully turn it on its side after removing everything on it . . . well, sure move the vase of flowers out of the way, we don’t want water everywhere but YEAH! PUNK ROCK! I’m gonna kick over this chair! . . . Oh geez, oh geez, did I scratch the finish? Tell me I didn’t scratch the finish! I’m not hyperventilating, YOU’RE hyperventilating! And can we turn down that awful noise? Why does this music have to be so gosh darn loud? Who are they guys anyway? “Circle Jerks” . . . what kind of name is that?! It’s so . . . vulgar! But . . . it’s punk . . .? I don’t know, I just don’t, I mean . . . punk . . . rock . . . smash . . . burn . . . . . look, I just need some chamomile tea and a nice sit-down for a while. You folks give a listen to our podcast and such. Mike, can you put on some Enya?
Poll question: what’s a movie people can’t believe you haven’t seen?
Good eeeeevening. Ve bid you velcome to our humble series “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That 3: the ReBelievening”. We are your vun! Two! Two hosts! AH AH AH AH! {THUNDERCLAP}, Count Max and Just-Learned-To-Count Mike, here in Castle MaxMikeMoviesStein. Zis veek, ve are discussing a true feel-good romp that vill make ze cheeldren of de night make de most beautiful music: 2024’s “Nosferatu.” A remake/tribute/vot-haff-you of the slanderous movies of ze same name from 1922 and 1979, zis varm, family-friendly delight tells ze story of a lovable but misunderstood nobleman and his adorable band of plague rats who just vant to be luffed. Is zat so wronk? Jolly Count Orlok only vants to leave his drafty, old castle in Transylvania and move into a new, modern, drafty old castle in Wisburg, Germany, vere his crush, Ellen, liffs. But Ellen has never even met the genial, bumbling Count! Oh no! Such vacky hijinks vill ensue! Voops, Orlok has killed and eaten the entire crew of the ship carrying him to his new home. Zany! Oh, no! Orlok, in his hurry to bring his new girlfriend a basket of posies or something, has accidentally released a ravening plague upon Wisburg, killing hundreds! Who hasn’t made ze same mistake, am I right, fellas? So relatable! So, pull up a coffin, gather any sweet, succulent cheeldren you might haff around, and enjoy your favorite drink while we discuss “Nosferatu.” Just not vine. Ve do not drink . . . vine.
Poll question: What is your favorite horror movie and why?
High school, am I right? The combination of the onslaught of puberty, dealing with new people, peer pressure . . . everyone has their own nightmare. But what is the most terrifying thing about high school? Teenage girls. Well, if you’re a teenage boy, anyway (although I’ve heard this same thing from some former teenage girls so maybe I’m on to something). What terrors they command: they might laugh at us, they might start vicious rumors about us, they might not invite us to the “cool” party, they might shatter our bones with their telekinetic powers . . . hm? Really? That didn’t happen to any of you? Just me? Actually, wait, did that actually happen to me or am I once again unable to distinguish reality from a movie I just watched. Man, I hate when that happens; it was especially embarrassing after “Cats” . . . but anyway! This week’s entry in our series “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That 3: the ReBelievening” is Stephen King’s first film adaptation of his first novel “Carrie,” a movie about a shy, tortured teenager with mysterious powers. It also stars William Katt, and I have to take a moment here to say to Brian De Palma, this movie’s director: you missed a golden opportunity for a Stephen King/Greatest American Hero crossover. That would have been one for the ages. But is the actual movie one for the ages? Give a listen and find out what we think!
Poll question: what’s your favorite Steven King adaptation?
Ah, the Moon. Distant. Mysterious. Probably not made of cheese (or that’s what they WANT you to believe). Its light is great for dancing . . . in. That’s what we call a “Moondance,” and what a marvelous night it is for one! Sometimes it’s a “Blue Moon”, sometimes we have to beg it to “Shine On, Harvest Moon.” There might be a “Man on the Moon!” See those women over there? They might be “Sisters of the Moon!” You don’t know, they might be! Why are you arguing with me?! Do you see a “Bad Moon Rising”? Just listen to that “Moonlight Serenade”! Some say it’s “Only a Paper Moon” but you’d think it would fall apart after a while. Or get soggy from all that space humidity But what’s that behind you?! Are you being followed by a “Moonshadow”?! Call the proper authorities! But this week’s cinematic tribute to the Moon, in our series “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That 3: the ReBelievening,” is titled simply “Moon” and Max has never seen it! And yes, there’s a guy “Walking on the Moon” and that guy is Sam Rockwell! More than once, too (check out the show; you’ll see what I mean). Join us and see if the moon hits our eye like a big pizza pie, and if we need subsequent medical treatment or corneal grafts! And consider the question: “flag on the moon . . . how did it get there?” Whoooaaaaaaaa . . .
Poll question: what is one of your favorite movies and why? Comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266.
Welcome back, ‘Super Freaks’! We’re cool and groovin’ our ‘Good Times’ here in our “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That Part 3: The Rebelievening” and we’re going to ‘Get Down Tonight’ with that ‘Disco Inferno’ of a movie “Saturday Night Fever”! Why? Because Mike’s never seen it, so we’re going to ‘Turn the Beat Around’ in a ‘Celebration’ of the disco era! We’re not trying to be ‘Bad Girls’ here, we just ‘Love the Nightlife’. So come and ‘Boogie Oogie Oogie’ with us and see what made John Travolta’s film career ‘Hustle’ on up to the top! Mike and me, ‘We Are Family,’ so we’re in this together with you! Because who doesn’t ~~loathe~~ love disco? I certainly do one of those things! I don’t want to ‘Rock the Boat’ here in this ‘Boogie Wonderland’ but while this movie thinks ‘You Should Be Dancing,’ we’d like it if you’d give us a listen while you pick out your favorite leisure suit and see which of your bell-bottoms flare out the widest! Not to worry, I’m not coming down with ‘Night Fever’, I’m just barely ‘Stayin’ Alive’, reliving the hellscape that was disco. I have to stop now. If I keep quoting disco song titles, I’m not sure that ‘I Will Survive’ DAMMIT!!!!!
Poll question: what style of music would you like to see more represented in movies?
Oi, oi, oi, me old tatters and whiskey! In this week’s nobble and flonk, by which I mean “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That Part 3: The Rebelievening,” your ol’ nachos and carburetors Max and Mike are taking a bit of a what’s-that-pancreas at Guy Ritchie’s “Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.” That’s a bit of the ol’ knee joints and lava lamps, innit? Too right! This here framistat’s-knickers is one serious right-in-the-bollocks, you can bet your Uncle Ernie’s dialysis machine! And I’m not just needlin’ the ham sandwich with the ol’ penguin relish garnish, eh? We got thrills, violence, Sting, more violence, a floor-swaddling soundtrack, and did I mention violence? Bet your third cousin’s beehive muskrat I did! Not to mention loads of Cockney rhyming slang, which unlike the load of rhesus monkey dandelions I’ve been tossing about isn’t completely made up out of my own neck-topper! Bugger me bubble-and-squeak but me standard linguistic skills have totally gone chambermaid’s diploma because of all this! Someone call the odd’s bullywogs! I mean the poodle-fluff rampy-stamp! I mean the Heisenberg shrimp kebabs! I mean . .
Poll question: what is your favorite heist movie?
Hiya, folks! Good to see you here at the Max, Mike; Movies Diner! Sit wherever you like, fire up your podcast app and listen to our tasty selections!
- Today’s Special: “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That Part 3!” – 10 Bumpybux
- With “The ReBelievening” Sauce – 13 Bumpybux
- The Barry Levinson (A Reuben sandwich but with more Oscar potential) – 8 Bumpybux
- The Mickey Rourke (Meatloaf sandwich; order it fast, while it still looks good. That won’t last.) – 7 Bumpybux
- The Kevin Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato (solid, reliable, heated to six degrees) – 9 Bumpybux
- The Daniel Stern (a hotdog wrapped in a pancake and garnished with Captain Crunch cereal; perfect for takeout to eat Home Alone) – 7.5 Bumpybux
- The Tim Daly (spam and Velveeta on white bread with mayonnaise) – 6 Bumpybux
- The Paul Reiser (ham sandwich, dry and amusing, spicy mustard, extra ham. You’ll be Mad about It) – 7 Bumpybux
- The Ellen Barkin (hot tomato. Extra hot. Really hot) – 9 Bumpybux
- The Steve Guttenberg (who cares. Order this and we punch you in the face) – 1 punch in the face.
- The Left Side of the Menu (all our best ground, fried, and grilled pony recipes) – We pay you 25 Bumpybux
Poll question: What specific location do you think has been over-used in movies? Coffee shop? Front seat of a car? Comment here or call our hotline at 617-398-7266.
Good evening one and all. We’ve got a ripping new series here, haven’t we? Yes, we have. We’re revisiting a favorite of ours with “I Can’t Believe You Haven’t Seen That 3: The Re-Believening.” Me old china Mike and I have come up with a little list each, listing movies everyone assumes we’ve seen but what ho, we bally haven’t, wot wot? We’re starting off all tickety-boo while Mike chose from my list and how’s your father? but I’ve never seen the movie “Quadrophenia”! Crumbs! It’s true, though! So, this week we’re seeing a bit of a to do from some lovely British minstrels who’ve thrown a tune or two together so I can finally see what all the fuss is about, eh wot? Brilliant! Too right! I’m sure these fellows in that little combo The Whom (I’ve taken the liberty of correcting the grammar, something I’m sure they would have done had they gotten ‘round to it) and we’ll see what all the bother is about some lot called The Mods and listen to some jolly nice tunes. I do hope they don’t get too raucous, but let’s see . . . oh. Oh my. Um . . . bit loud, innit? Well, I’m nothing if not hip to the young people and their Big Bands so . . . oh, dear me . . . that’s not . . . that’s not actual vulgarity, is it? Oh, my . . . Mater! Do fetch me my smelling salts, won’t you? Ta! God save the King! Apples and pears! Bubble and squeak!
Poll question: what celebrity cameo threw you out of the story?
I looked at the recently-dug grave and read the name on cheap headstone: “Remember! You Asked for It!” I considered how ironic irony can be. Ironically. It was hard reading the headstone upside down, and the heavy rain was pouring up my nose. Maybe hanging upside down from a tree branch wasn’t the most dignified way to lay a perfectly good series to rest, but life can be funny that way. Not “ha ha” funny, like hanging upside down by your knees in a tree in a cemetery is . . . c’mon, that’s pretty funny, right? But funny in the other way. As I swung slowly back and forth, the tree bark shredding the thinning fabric of my lederhosen, I pondered about the fundamental unfairness of the universe. Why? Why did so many good series have to end, while evil, vile, revolting ponies clip-clopped around, alive and free? What did it all mean? Why did this series in particular have to end with a 1951 Robert Mitchum/Jane Russell film noir? Why would Val Kuhns, the creator of the Second Greatest Known Podcast suggest such a movie to us? And how much would it hurt when my knees gave out and I fell from the tree branch onto the upturned rakes that I had previously not noticed directly below me? I guess we’d never know the answers to some of these questions . . . but I was pretty damn sure I’d find out the answer to that last one any minute . . . give a listen before my legs give out.
Poll question: is there a country, other than the U.S., whose movies you particularly enjoy?
This week’s penultimate entry in our “Remember! You Asked For It!” series comes from Keith Wright and is heavily rooted in the lyricism and magic of the Harlem Renaissance, a time of remarkable literature, theater, and art. One of the historically-real main characters in this film, Bruce Nugent was known as a great jazz poet and he has inspired me to try my hand at some freeform jazz poetry. Dig it:
I see a bird
Hey, bird.
You’ve got wings. And feathers.
I think you’re eating part of a bagel, bird.
That’s wild.
Eat your bagel, bird. Then fly away. And look for more bagels.
Um . . . maybe it would be better with some jazz clarinet behind it? Sigh. Ok . . . so maybe jazz poetry isn’t really my medium. It’s certainly not well-done, but from now on it will be rare. See what I did there? Did I make you forget about the poem? No? Damnit . . . Well, fortunately our show is better than my poetry (as are most things). Give a listen!
Poll question: what kind of movie would you like to see more of in theaters right now?
Ok, before anyone gets too excited, I should point out that this week’s entry in “Remember! You Asked For It!”, suggested by Tyler Stewart, is NOT the much-awaited sequel to “Kubo and the Two Strings.” I know, I know, I was disappointed too but I should have been tipped off by the fact that the movie would have skipped strings three, four, and five. That’s on me. What we have here instead is a bizarre cult movie with martial arts fury, swordplay, an annoying kid, a Russian band called The Red Elvises, and a literal manifestation of the classic struggle between Rock and Roll and Heavy Metal. I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, man, AGAIN?” But did I mention the bitchin’ soundtrack? No? Well, that’s on me again. Not my day, really. But let us help you make this YOUR day and listen in to our discussion of “Six String Samurai” and the power of RAAWWWWKKK!!!
Poll question: what is your favorite what-if-this-happened “alternative history” movie?
Welcome to another episode in our “Remember! You Asked For It!” series! This week’s suggestion comes from crime-solving landscape artist Degsy O’Brien (I’m almost certain that’s what he does for a living) and it’s going to be a delightful romp! Yes, I’m pretty sure that this movie is an in-depth look into the life of famous Danish author Hans Christian Anderson. Yes, we get to hear all about his experiences in the Danish secret police, on such exciting missions as “Operation: Thumbelina” and “Code Name: Little Mermaid”. Now keep in mind that the audio quality from these tapes isn’t that great . . . in fact, they aren’t from literal “tapes” because that technology didn’t exist in the mid-19th century, but of course they did have Mr. Edison’s wax cylinder recording technology, which as a member of Danish Intelligence, Hans would have had access to. In fact, I’m pretty sure he carried a tiny portable wax cylinder recorder hidden in his hatband, along with tons of other cool gadgets . . . hah? What’s that? Wax cylinder tech wasn’t invented until two years after Anderson’s death? And he was never a member of Danish Intelligence? Well, of course, they’d deny it . . . whazzat? I’ve been spelling his name wrong? It’s Andersen not Anderson? Ah. I see. I have once again gotten everything wrong. Fine. Fine. Fine. I guess it’s the Bad Boy Box for me, again. But while I’m thinking about what I’ve done, give a listen to our discussion of this 1971 Sidney Lumet film starring Sean Connery (the one that WASN’T “Diamonds Are Forever”). Yes. That makes a bit more sense. Enjoy!
Poll question: What is your favorite Sean Connery performance?
Hello, dear listeners and fellow members of the proletariat! Welcome to another episode in our series “Remember! You Asked For It!” Well, we find ourselves in a teensy-weensy pickle this week. It seems that somehow, someone got ahold of a pre-post copy of this week’s show about our good chum Daaaaaave’s suggestion “The Death of Stalin.” How zany! Gosh, it appears that there may possibly have been some folks who found our little podcast episode, how shall I put it, maybe an itty-bitty bit unflattering to a particular period in Russian history, particularly the Stalin-esque period of the Soviet Union. I’ve been having a very nice chat with some lovely gentlemen with absolutely charming accents who have been kind enough to very thoroughly express their less-than-satisfied reaction to our little japes and jests and so forth. I just want to assure EVERYONE listening, and not just my new friend Sergei who is helpfully looking over my shoulder as I type, that we meant absolutely no disrespect to Great Father Stalin and if anyone misunderstood any of my silly-billy jokes about “tyranny” and “antisemitism” and “mass murder,” then I would just like to say how incredibly, totally, and sincerely I am sorry and I’m sure Comrade Stalin was a very nice fellow who liked bunny rabbits and so forth and was in no way an alcoholic dictator who caused the deaths of millions of his fellow citizens. What a goofy notion! Oh, how we are all laughing over this wacky misunderstanding? Right, Sergei? Right . . . .? [oh god he’s in the bathroom now somebody help me help me please help m]
Ha ha. The last bit was big funny humor-joke by me, Mark La Vine. Ha ha. We will be laughing now. Move along. Not to see anything here.
Poll question: what is your favorite pollical movie, thriller or otherwise?
Hullo, children! Hullo! Welcome back to Uncle Max, Uncle Mike; Uncle Movies. Are you sitting comfortably? Good! This week in our “Remember! You Asked For It!” series, we’ve got a question from young Julie O’Malley who wants to know all about “The Fifth Element.” Well, Julie, you must be the smartest one in your class! Because not everyone is interested in a fascinating element like Boron, but clearly you are! And why not? Boron, the fifth element on the periodic table, is terribly important! Without Boron to make Borax, our clothes wouldn’t be as clean! We also use Boron to make high-strength glassware. Boron is just so important! Did you know that Bruce Willis AND Milla Jovovich use Boron every day? Ruby Rhod is the official spokesperson for Boron! And here’s a little-known fun fact: Gary Oldman is actually made up of 80% Boron! Isn’t that amazing? And all these wonderful people are in Luc Besson’s calm, quiet, educational film and everywhere you look in this movie, there’s our old friend Boron, quietly toiling away in the windows being shattered by the many, many explosions, in the Boron Carbide fibers for the simulated nuclear reactors, and in Gary Oldman’s cute little glass head shield. Join us and find out why we say “Boron is Boroniffic!”
Poll question: what is your favorite science-fiction movie and why?
Once again, most elegant and finely-manicured listeners, you spoke and we listened! This week, for our “Remember! You Asked For It!” series, the most worthy Brian Mundo requested a review of an obscure, rather confusing Stephen King sequel involving a rabid St. Bernard stalking the great singer-songwriter Gorden Sumner and his recently-discovered clone. So, I had a lot of trouble finding a copy of “Cujo and the Two Stings” but I have to say it was truly worth the price from that Bulgarian Dark Web site so I OW! Geez, Mike, why did . . . hah? Oh. Really? Kubo and the what now? Ah. Yes, that is a bit different. Right, right, fourth movie from Laika studios . . . well, as Mike, that scamp, has reminded me with a playful hatchet lobbed into my occipital lobe, we were supposed to be discussing “Kubo and the Two Strings,” a remarkable achievement in stop-motion from the people who brought us “Coraline” and “ParaNorman.” Now, normally I’d run off and quickly check out this animated effort but I’m going to suggest that Brian might actually be more interested in hearing what we have to say about this Bratisolva Slovokian horror movie involving a pair of Stings and an insane hound. I mean, it stars Bohumil Nováková as Sting One and Sting Two and the great Jaroslav Tóthová as Cujo; we all know that Bohumil Nováková never made a bad movie, so why not OW! Dammit, where do you keep getting those hatchets? Fine, fine, we’ll discuss your precious animated thingy. I just hope there’s a giant fire-breathing chicken in it. Give a listen and find out if there is!
Poll question: in animation, how do you feel about professional voice actors vs. celebrity voices being used?
WOOO! ROCK AND ROLL! ‘ALLO, DUBUQUE! WE! ARE! MAX! MIKE! MOVIES! AND WE ARE HERE TO ROCK YOUR STREETS UNTIL THEY FIRE! YEEEEAHHHH! If I can bring it down for a moment, Mike and I are thrilled to be here, this latest stop on our “Remember! YOU Asked For It!” tour. And we are gonna RAAWWWWKKK! YEEEEEAHHH! Our show has it all! An evil Willem Dafoe! Rick Moranis as a music industry sleaze! Amy Madigan as a badass! And a THOROUGHLY UNLIKEABLE 80’s HERO WITH TOTALLY 80’S STUBBLE! YEAAHHHH! What’s more rock and roll than that? How about a totally bitchin’ 80’s rock soundtrack, written mostly by the Ry Cooder Band?! You want that? You want it?! How bad do you want it? YEAAAAHHHHH, that’s what I’m talking about! Now let’s get ready to RAWWW…. ow . . . owowowowowow . . . dammit, I pulled my back again. Crap, my orthopedic platform boot just lost a heel! Mike, get untangled from the flight wires and help me! Aaahhh, my hip! Give a listen, quick, before my heart pills kick in.
Poll question: What is your favorite rock and roll movie?
A new year and a . . . slightly new series. Technically we started this one last year with “Wicked” but . . . look, stop nit-picking ok? Why must you hound me so?! Where will it all end?! Well, not with this week’s entry in our “Remember! You Asked For It!” series, that’s for gosh-darn sure. And speaking of being gosh-darned, this week’s entry deals with that very touchy subject: selling your soul to the Devil! Yes, in this moderned-up version of the Faust story, Dudley Moore sells his soul to the Peter Cook (who makes a darn fine devil, don’tchaknow) meaning that his soul will be darned to Heck for all etern-diddly-ernity! That’s a dilly of a pickle! This suggestion comes to us from the Lord of Flightless Tuxedo-Clad Birds, Vince, dread master of the Great Dark North. Join us and see how British humor merges with the concept of sin, free will, blowing raspberries, and nuns on trampolines! And never forget the magic words: “Julie Andrews”! [disclaimer: Ms. Andrews does not appear in this film. Racquel Welch does, but she is not to be confused with Julie Andrews. Nor could she be, really]
Poll question: do you have a favorite biblical, or bible-adjacent movie? “Ten Commandments”? “Dogma”? “Jesus Christ: Superstar”? Leave a comment or call our Unholy Hotline at 617-398-7266.
Great shrieking clams, we’ve got us a brand-new series for you all! Oh yes we do, oh yes we do! Mike and I were thinking (a rare and dangerous occurrence) and we figured why should WE do all the work picking out movies like a couple of chumps, when we can ask you, our erudite, well-coifed, and splendidly handsome listeners for your suggestions! Which brings us to our series “Remember! YOU Asked For It!” We’re booting off this series with a suggestion from our resident scholar Adam Mark, a movie that is still in theaters (and, judging from the audience reactions, will be for some time): “Wicked.” Sadly, this has nothing to do with the Boston dialect (which is wicked disappointing, pally) but rather an unusual take on the classic story “The Wizard of Oz” focused rather on the so-called Wicked Witch of the West, aka Elphaba, just a soul whose intentions are good; oh, Oz, please don’t let her be misunderstood . . . ok, enough song references, sorry. This is a movie based on a stage musical based (VERY loosely) on a book. So what did we think? Did it carry us somewhere over the rainbow or did we feel it was flying monkey poop? Give a listen and find out!
Poll question: Do you like your villains simply villainous or do you prefer them deeply examined, with backstory and such? Answer in the comments or call our evil lair and leave a message at call us at 617-398-7266.
All good things must come to an end . . . and on an unrelated note, so must our series “Ready When You Are, C.B.,” movies about making movies. We’re closing out with a somewhat less-than-well-known mocumentary about a fictional film team attempting to make a movie covering the entire Bible. As you might guess, things do not go well. I don’t want to give too much away, but their obvious mistake was not making the whole thing a musical! Come on, what could lend itself more to light-hearted music and dance than the Bible? Enjoy the haunting Adam-and-Eve duet “This Apple Tastes Like Crapple,” or a clever patter song for Moses: “Countin’ Down Ten Commandments.” It writes itself, doesn’t it? How about a catchy number for Job: “What A Day I’m Having” or a tender ballad “Don’t Go Throwing Stones at Hookers.” And you could wrap it all up with a huge, psychedelic song-and-dance number for Revelations: “Don’t Go Breaking That Seal.” I’m telling you, this is a golden calf mine, and as soon as I can get the funding together . . . well, give a listen and here the rest of my plan [spoiler: there is no rest of my plan].
Poll question: whose opinion most affects your choice of movie viewing? Your friends or professional movie critics?
Welcome, welcome to another entry in our series “Ready When You Are, C.B.”, where we address . . . what the hell? Who are all these people? Where did these cameras come from? What the Hec Ramsey is going . . . hah? What release? I never agreed to allow a film crew to use the Max, Mike; Movies studios for a film location! Hey! Put that down! That’s one-of-a-kind! Do you know how hard it is to find a life-sized Kaboom Cereal Clown Mascot Statue?! MIKE! Where are you? Did you authorize . . . AAAAAHH! Great Demille’s Ghost, what have they done to you? How did they get your hair that color? Weren’t you six inches taller yesterday? Oh, so now you fit the film’s “vision”, do you? This is absurd, who would ever, HEY! Get away from me with those pliers? YES, I “need all my teeth”; I don’t care if a “lurching, gap-toothed, bald albino” fits the movie’s “aesthetic.” Anyway, I’m not bald! Or albino! . . . What the hell do you mean “not yet”? You Hollywood people think you can just come in and rearrange whatever you want just so you can make your damn popcorn-pushing celluloid nonsense! Ok, yes, that happens to fit this week’s movie, “State and Main” but still, I never signed any release! Neither did Mike! So who said you could . . . . BUMPY!!!!!! That’s IT! I’m calling the Purina Dog Food Processing Plant manager and telling them to expect an anonymous donation! Hey, bud, can I borrow that chainsaw real quick? Thanks . . .
Poll question: has a movie ever taught you any real-life lessons?
Ah, the Matinee; this may seem a strange subject for our series “Ready When You are, C.B.” but really, I think a film about these glorious sea mammals is long overdue. Gentle, plant-eating, and able to swim in bursts up to 20mph, these so-called sea cows may have in fact evolved from a four-legged land animal over 20 million years ago . . . hmmm. Some of the casting in this movie seems a bit strange for such a subject; I mean, John Goodman is a stout gentleman but he certainly doesn’t come close to the Matinee’s half-ton weight or aquatic skills . . . oh dear . . . wait, is it possible I’m confusing Matinee with Manatee? Yes, yes, I’m afraid I am. Whoopsie doodle. The fact that this movie involves Key West may have misled me, although I guess I should have questioned what the Manatee has to do with legendary schlock film-maker William Castle or the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962, both of which feature prominently in this movie. My bad. Well, enjoy our discussion of “Matinee” and Hollywood, I’ve handed you a golden opportunity to make a big-budget film about a long-ignored sea creature. You’re welcome.
Poll question: what is your favorite hate-watch movie? That movie you know is bad and bad for you but you can’t help watching it? Leave a comment or hate-call us at 617-398-7266
Ok . . . ok . . . come on, Max . . . you’ve done over three hundred of these . . . it’s not that hard . . . just write. Just write SOMETHING. Oh god, why does a blank white screen look so horrible? Why is my keyboard laughing at me? Come on . . . it’s just another entry in the “Ready When You Are, C.B.”, just another movie about making movies. What the hell is wrong with you? God, writer’s block is awful . . . Come on, you useless lump; you’ll be out sleeping with the ponies at this rate! What, do I need John Goodman to show up to share a bottle with me? Mmm . . . maybe a drink would help . . . no! No, dammit, no more distractions! You can DO this! Just think of some Coen Brothers absurdities, think of disturbing overhead camera shots and creepy hotel hallways . . . SOMETHING! . . . . Nothing. I’ve got nothing. I’ll just have to tell Mike that I can’t come up with anything this week. He’ll understand. Maybe he’ll only use the small cattle prod this time. Maybe. I wish I’d been able to write something . . .
Wait a minute . . .
Poll question: what’s your favorite comfort movie? What movie just makes you feel all snuggly and warm?
Ah, Hollywood! The land of glitter and sparkle! The land where dreams are born, struggle, and eventually end up in a miserable job in middle-management . . . I mean dreams come true! Obviously that’s what I meant, and you all know it! Hollywood is the most terribly important industry in all of The United Hollywoods of America; just ask Hollywood! What matters more than making a motion picture? Nothing, that’s what! Forget “growing food” or “treating medical issues” or “keeping people alive in general,” all of that is MEANINGLESS, you hear me? MEANINGLESS compared to the incomparable splendor that is Hollywood and making nine sequels to forgettable action movies. And don’t you forget it! In this week’s entry in our series “Ready When You Are, C.B.” we get one of Hollywood’s attempts to shine a rather watery light on its own practices and what some people will go through to get their picture made. “The Bad and the Beautiful” follows an actor, a writer, and a director, bound together for their hatred of a high-powered movie producer. A hated producer? Man, the stuff people come up with . . . join us, give a listen, and see how well or how poorly this utterly LUDICRIOUS story idea comes together. Roll it!
Poll question: what onscreen couple had the worst chemistry?
Order, order! The Committee for “Ready When You Are, C.B.” will come to order! The witness has been sworn in and we are ready to proceed. The witness is reminded that failure to answer any of the committee’s questions will result in the witness being held in contempt . . . even more than they already are. Now then: are you now or have you ever been a member of the Bumpyist Party? Let the record show that the witness has answered “Neigh.” Very well. Before you return to your stall with the thanks of the committee and a bag of oats, can you give us the names of any Bumpyists living, working, or podcasting in the United States today? Oh, I see you’ve prepared a list. Hand-calligraphed, too. Very nice. Only two names, though. Do you believe that this “Max” and “Mike” are both genuine threats, menaces, or major annoyances to the listening public of the United States of America? Tap the floor with your hoof once for yes . . . thank you. You can stop tapping now. We’ll be issue them subpoenas . . . the gallery will stop giggling immediately! The committee is well aware what the word “subpoenas” sounds like!
This week we’re discussing a film that tackles a dark period in Hollywood, and the entire U.S. of A.: the Red Scare and more specifically, the infamous Hollywood Blacklist as seen through the lens of the life of Dalton Trumbo. Trumbo, once one of the most successful screenwriters in Hollywood, was one of the Hollywood Ten, ten screenwriters who were accused of being Communists by the UnAmerican House of . . . excuse me, the House UnAmerican Activities Committee, or J.E.R.K.W.E.E.D., I mean, HUAC and saw his life nearly destroyed, like so many others, as a result of this pandering, fear-mongering, and ultimately utterly useless witch hunt that run for thirty years. How well does this film portray this national embarrassment of a time period? Give a listen and find out! Thank goodness we don’t have any jingoistic psychopaths talking about “The Enemies Within” anymore . . . .
Poll question: what famous figure do you most think deserves a biopic but hasn’t had one yet? Leave a comment or call our Anonymous Informant line at 617-398-7266
Welcome to another episode in our continuing stooooooory “Ready When You Are, C.B.!” movies by Hollywood, about Hollywood, smothered in Hollywood gravy! This week’s entry is a film from the late 80’s, forgotten by some but surprisingly influential to others: Robert Townsend’s “Hollywood Shuffle”. Is it a coincidence that a movie with this title came out a mere two years after the legendary musical opus produced by the Chicago Bears (aka “Dah Bearss”) with a very similar title, the “Superbowl Shuffle”? Or is it evidence of the conspiracy between Big Football and Big Hollywood, both of whom want a Big Cereal? Well . . . no, of course not, just look at the movie and you’ll see that makes no sense at all, as do most things I write here oh god why can’t I stop. But while on the surface this movie may address the inherent and MASSIVE difficulties faced by Black actors in Hollywood, the real message is far more subtle: credit cards can make your dreams come true. Yup. Give a listen and see if I’ve actually managed to tie something from this introduction into the actual show or if the show is just an excuse for Mike and Me to perform our rendition of “The Bumpypux Shuffle” (just kidding; the Bumpypux Shuffle is something you do immediately after eating Bumpypux as you struggle to reach the bathroom in time). Enjoy! The podcast, not the cereal.
Poll question: What movie, if any, have you ever watched and felt “this movie was NOT aimed at me.”
Heeeyyyyyy, listeners! Sweeties, honeys, babies, pussycats, pumpkins! Fabulous to see you, totally mean that, been too long, what’s your latest project, that’s great, how’d the rehab stint go, glad to hear it, have they dropped the charges yet, absolutely terrif to hear that, gotta run, have your service call my service we’ll do breakfast lunch dinner, love ya! God, I hate that individual . . . As you have no doubt sussed out, we’ve started our new series “Ready When You Are, C.B.!” focusing on one of Hollywood’s favorite subjects: itself! Yes, we’ll be going through a number of cinematic offerings that focus on Hollywood itself, Tinseltown, Magicville, Sorcery Hamlet, whatever, both in the old days and the new-ish. We’re making our initial pitch for the upfronts with some sweet hooks that’ll look good on the one-sheets . . . and no, I have no idea what I just said but it’s kind of like “La Strada” meets “Science Crazed”! Or rather, it’s exactly like Robert Altman’s righteous middle-finger to the film production process, “The Player.” Just keep in mind that this is back in the 90’s, when screenwriters weren’t particularly respected. Not like today, when the studio execs respect them enough to replace them with A.I. . ..
By the way, if you’re interested in what Mike was actually saying in his elegantly-crafted opening, check here!
Poll question: what movie has your favorite ensemble cast? Leave a comment or call our Hollywood Hotline at 617-398-7266 and make your pitch!
Great Cesear’s film reference! I know you’re all shocked, waiting as you have been for the start of our next series with a worm on your tongue (baited breath. Thank you! Try the veal!) but we’re delaying our next series a week because here at Max, Mike; Movies we are nothing if not topical! Yes, truly we are the skin disease of movie podcasts. After an absence of many moons (and several asteroids), Francis Ford Coppola has returned to the world of cinema with a new movie produced, written, and directed by someone names Nancis Cord Froppola . . . WAIT A MINUTE! Yes, Mr. Coppola has returned with a movie that is all HIM and has left audiences, shall we say, somewhat divided. I thought this movie would leave Mike divided as well, until he explained to me, through a locked door, that this particular phrase didn’t involve an axe or any sharp cutting tools. Well, thank you, Captain No Fun! Regardless, we were both excited by the Coppolistic film entry and, since we both had rushed out to see it, decided to discuss it here and now, for you and yours. Ain’t we something? So give a listen and see if the film divides us (although, let me stress, not in the fun way) or unites us. Ave Cesear Salad!
By the Spear of Odin/Wotan/Woden/Veratyr and lots of others! Welcome, most valorous warriors to this, the Twilight Of The Series “Give Me One More Chance.” Today you draw your blades with us as we face the trial of the final movie of our lord Thor/Thunor/Donar/Irving (that last one is a rare translation) and if we fall on the field of cinema, we shall all die gloriously! Quaff some mead (which means spill at least as much as you drink; them’s the rules), bite the edge of your shields (they’re coated in chocolate for mid-battle snacking), and follow us to death most magnificent! They will write sagas about your deeds this day! The scribes of social media shall post of your valorous valor! Shed your blood alongside us, as we determine if “Irving: Love and Thunder” (still a better title, in my opinion) straddles the line between the Silly and the Not-Silly or if it plunges all Ninny-Nonny into the abyss. Gird your loins! Well done, that’s some fine girding there, all of you! Now as I mount my eight-legged pony Bumpnir, follow! Follow! To doom and renown! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhhaaa . . . aaah? . . . um . . . . hello? Anybody following? Glory? Renown? Doom? . . . huh . . . well . . . guess it’s just us three then . . . Bumpnir, where the hell are you going? Fine. Just you and me, Mike . . . Mike? . . . Mike? . . . . Dang it . . . Fine, no death, no glory, just us talking. Great. Lot of sagas gonna be written about that . . .
Poll question: what’s your favorite mythologically-based movie? Any mythology counts.
Welcome to the next-to-last episode in our “Give Me One More Chance” series. Before we get into this latest installment of the “Mission: Impossible” series (which should be called “Mission: Impossible: Too Many Colons”), we have some unpleasant business to take care of. I’m afraid our top-secret Max, Mike; Movie headquarters has been infiltrated by an enemy agent. Isn’t that right, Bumpy? Or should I say . . . Ethan Hunt?! RIP Oh . . . oh geez . . . he wasn’t wearing a mask . . . oh, gross . . . Wow, that’s a LOT of blood. Sorry, my mistake, Mike . . . or should I say . . . Ethan Hunt?! RIP Whoopsy-doodle. You weren’t wearing a mask either. ‘scuse-ems. Wow, is my face red. Well, not redder than yours right now, huh Mike? Hah? Get it? Geez, stop screaming. You don’t need ALL your skin, everyone knows that. Seriously, this could be a good look for you. Man, the floor is a mess right now . . . oh, c’mon Mike, listen to yourself: “I’m in agony, I’m hemorrhaging, I’m grotesque.” Me, me, me. Well, it’s not always about you, ok? I’m the one who has to make one of you two mop all this blood up! How about a little sympathy here? Fine, fine, I’ll get you a band-aid, you big crybaby. While I’m dealing with Mr. Delicate here, give a listen to our thoughts on this latest Tom Cruise work.
Poll question: what is your favorite Tom Cruise role, or is that a contradiction in terms? Run and comment or call our hotline at 617-398-7266 before it self-destructs.
Ok, ok, hang on, hold that still . . . so, in honor of this week’s entry in our “Give Me One More Chance” series, the found-footage, shaky-cam opus “Cloverfield,” I’m creating my very own handheld video masterpiece “Thistlemeadow,” complete with terrifying monsters and human drama, so let’s get, wha’ . . . DAMN, I dropped the video camera . . . hang on . . . crap, it’s under the couch. I can’t reach it! Oh no, it’s recording . . . and the rental runs out in a couple of hours! Ok, ok, I can work with this . . . gimme that broom handle . . . “Oh no! Jerian! Look out! It’s a colossal . . . dust bunny . . . eldritch horror from beyond space and time! Aaahhhhh!” “Grrarrrr! Grrarr!” “Eeeek, so scary!” “Quick, let’s hide behind these ruins that look suspiciously like loose change and a couple of stale Cheerios!” “Aaaaiiiieeee! So scary!” “We have to get to the Safety Zone over by those chipped Lego pieces and that, oh, hey, there’s the stereo remote! I mean, there’s the . . . Escape Space Barge! Oh, if only we can make it . . .” Wait, damn, the recording light went off! Did I forget to charge the battery? Man, this found footage crap is harder than I thought. You win, J.J. Abrams . . . this time. But how does Mr. Abrams little project hold up on the second viewing? Give a listen to our shrieks of terror and be glad that if we jiggle the camera a lot, you’ll never know!
Poll question: what is scarier in the movies, giant monsters that destroy cities, or small monsters that can hide under the bed or in your chest cavity? Leave us a comment or record your screams of terror on our hotline at 617-398-7266.
Well, good evein’ to you all, ladies and gents, a very good, Ah say, Ah say, a very good evening to all of you. ‘cept, mebbe it ain’t such a good evenin’ for one individual in particular, hear in our “Give Me One More Chance” series. Yes, one individual ain’t gonna get no more chances, Ah say, Ah say, no more chances. Now I ain’t no big city crime solver, I’m just that simple country-boy detective Mandelbrot Black but ever since Ah was knee-high to a mudskipper, Ah was raised to believe that if y’all done something, y’all step up and admit it. Now one of y’all must have had a powerful dislike for this hear pony to do him in so dirty, so before I have to go peelin’ the layers of this here “Glass Onion” (y’all see what Ah did there?), mebbe one of you fine folks would like to save us the time and fess up: which one of y’all killed Bumpy the Wonder Pony? Pardon, Ah say, pardon me? Police? Call them? Why would I do such a thing? Heckfire, no! Ah jess’ wanna know whose name to inscribe on this here testimonial plaque, thankin’ y’all for your service to the community and humanity in general! Kudos to y’all, whoever ya’ll might be. As for this whole “Glass Onion” business, weeeellll, that ain’t my roe to hoe, now, is it? That’s another fella’s business. Give a listen, Ah say, Ah say, give a listen so y’all can hear about it!
Poll question: what cinematic detective do you think feels most like a real person?
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of “Give Me One More Chance” at Max and Mike’s House of Magic poof cough, hack uh, yes, magic smoke! Stupid, semi-toxic magic smoke . . . I mean, Oooo! Such magic! Now I have here the very magical Dagger of Dennak, which I assure you is very real and very sharp, as I will demonstrate by cutting this . . .OW! Ow, oh Vishanti, that was my finger . . . hoo boy, that’s a lot of blood . . . um, but it’s MAGIC blood! No, nothing arterial about it or anything. Nothing to worry about . . . so . . . whooo . . . feeling a bit light-headed . . . right, magic . . . is THIS your card?! Wait, that’s later, no, hang on . . . wow, that puddle of “magic” blood is getting pretty big . . . uh, look, let’s talk about our second reaction to “Dr. Strange and the . . . thing . . . of . . . the thing . . .” ok, things are spinning . . . maybe I’m being pulled into another universe . . . that’d be . . . cool . . . just gonna lie down for a minute . . . give a listen to the loons . . . the loons . . . save the liver . . . .
Poll question: what is your favorite cinematic depiction of magic and spells, where the magic system and the way the spells work just seem . . . cool?
Ok, Indy, ok. Enough. It’s too much, you understand? The candy, the flowers, the cards, the singing gorilla-grams . . . it’s gotta stop. Sure, we’re doing a series called “Give Me One More Chance”, and yes, your last movie didn’t exactly smooth over what you did in the movie before it . . . I’m NOT being unreasonable and I NEVER promised I wouldn’t bring it up again! Stop gaslighting me! Ok, ok, don’t cry, geez . . . Look, maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s me. We’ve done this dance so many times. What is this, the fifth time? We had one or two good times but I just don’t think you’re good for me any more. Don’t give me that look . . . oh geez, here we go with the eyes and the hat and everything . . . sigh . . . ok, I tell you what. Mike and I . . . we’ll give your latest thing, that Deal with Destiny or whatever you called it . . . right, right, “Dial of Destiny,” sorry. See, you always over-react . . . never mind, never mind, we’ll check it out again and see what we think, but if it still doesn’t work, that’s it. I don’t want to hear from you again. And I want my Sankara stone back!
Poll question: is there a movie franchise where you actually like most or all of the films in it? Feel free to share your dulcet tones with us and call our Poll Question Hotline at 617-398-7266 and leave us a voicemail.
Helloooo, Adventurers! Welcome back to our series “Give Me One More Chance”! Your quest today . . . is to listen to OUR quest today, which is to revisit the most recent attempt to bring the tabletop roleplaying game Dungeons and Dragons (a game that Mike and I MIGHT have some teeny, tiny, very slight connection to and experience with) to the silver screen. Silver? Where? Quickly, loot the bodies for silver! Wait, sorry, this is hearkening back to an earlier series. When this movie came out, I had rather muddled feelings about it (which I go into in deep, cleansing detail, which everyone will no doubt enjoy) so I was curious to see how it held up. And how did it hold up? Now, now, that’s giving away the final segment of the quest that involves a lot of team combat and fabulous treasure! Or maybe it just involves a lot of me and Mike talking. And isn’t that the greatest treasure of all? Anyway, give a listen, and if you don’t feel like it, well, nice day for fishin’, ain’t it? Hyuh!
Poll question: there have been a bunch of movies based on games, both tabletop and video. Are any of them any good? Do you have a favorite? If you don’t feel like typing, feel free to call our Poll Question Hotline at 617-398-7266 and leave us a voicemail.
Welcome to another new, minty-fresh, sanitized-for-your-convenience series here at “Max, Mike; Movies”! After 300 episodes, we’re in a forgiving mood. Our hearts are filled with love and whipped hydrogenated oil. We’ve all been hurt in the past, some of us as recently as this morning (sorry Mike! You just looked so flammable!), by friends, by lov-ahs, and, of course, by movies. So, so many movies have hurt us, disappointed us, mistreated us, drained our bank accounts and shaved our eyebrows . . . so many . . . Sorry, what? But like I say, we’re hoping to forgive (and maybe forget), so we’ve decided to, in the words of the Jackson Five, “Give Me One More Chance.” And by “Me,” we mean movies that we didn’t like on early viewing, or viewings, but have decided they deserve a shot at redemption, because they don’t want to end up a cartoon in a cartoon graveyard (bone digger, bone digger) (with thanks to Mr. Paul Simon). We’re leading off this series with Mike’s choice of the Tom Cruise science-fiction effort “Minority Report,” a movie that dares to ask the question “What does Tom Cruise look like with his head shaved?” Join us and find out! Now Mike, show us on this doll where the movie hurt you . . .
Poll question: What movie actor have you most changed your mind about? Used to love them, now you hate them? Or vice versa?
Three hundred episodes! Who would have believed it? It seems like only yesterday that people were asking us “why are you bothering?” over and over and over. Then came the genuine incredulity, the open hostility, the petitions begging us to stop, the changes in city zoning laws to try to outlaw us, the angry mobs, the torches, the screaming and wailing, and the violence, the savage, brutal violence (ok, that was mostly perpetrated by me against Mike, but still!). But we persevered! We ignored the naysayers, the reasoned arguments, the sobbing of relatives and close friends . . . no human or pony could stop us! And why?! Because shut up, that’s why! And what could we possibly choose as our subject after our titanic (and ponderous) 100th and 200th episodes? Why, one of the most titanic and ponderous science fiction novels ever, and more importantly, its recent two-movie adaptation! Yes, we’re talking “Dune Part One” and “Dune Part Two: Electric Sandaloo”, directed by Dennis Villeneuve. Forget everything Anakin Skywalker ever told you about sand and come explore this sprawling, ever-so-sandy epic with us!
Seriously, it’s been so great doing this podcast and I’m so glad Mike got me to do this by threatening to release those incriminating documents . . . I mean, by saying “hey, wanna do a podcast?” We are also so grateful to our surprisingly attractive listeners and our astonishingly erudite and eloquent commenters. Thank you so much for listening, commenting, and suggesting cool new series ideas! Hope you stay with us for the next three hundred episodes!
Poll question: What movie that was actually released do you think should never have been released? What movie would the world be better off without?
Answer via our hotline, if you like: 617-398-7266
Welcome to the final Roger Corman episode (no, really, we mean it this time) in our mini-series “Be Adjacent to the Cor-Man.” Super-hero movies: can you believe there was a time when they weren’t being released on a daily basis? This dim and distant era was called “The 1990’s” and we didn’t have any of this fancy CGI crap or compelling stories or talented actors! No! We had to stuff hamsters into tiny spandex body suits and tie little capes around their necks and try to get them to fight while we played the ”Carmina Burana” in the background! You think that was easy? Do you know how hard it is to get hamsters to fight ANYTHING? I do! Never mind how I know! But in this dark and strange time, all we had to eat was cardboard and wooly mammoth jerky (and the occasional hamster, but never mind about that). And the only decent superhero movies we had were a couple of Superman and Batman films. Where was Marvel Comics in all this? Making terrible Captain America movies, that’s where! Well, Roger Corman and others decided that there was a need and they filled it! Well, sort of. I mean, they started to fill it and . . . or maybe someone else didn’t want them filling it . . . because this was the film the Fantastic Four needed, but not the film it deserved . . . it’s complicated. Because I’m Batman! [editor’s note: Max is in no way, shape, or form Batman]. Anyway, here is the very first film adaptation of Marvel’s First Family that was never actually released because it was so . . . good? Give a listen and find out.
Poll question: What did you think of the recent two-movie adaptation of Frank Herbert’s Dune?
Get this: you can call our super-special-awesome Max, Mike; Movies Hotline and record your response! Leave us a message and we’ll use it on the show. Just call 617-398-7266! No operators are standing by!
We thought we were free of the Cor-Man, but we’ve decided to do him true honor, we must honor the films that he may not have directed but that are still covered in his sweaty hand-prints, and this week is no different . . . from this week. We’re taking on 1977’s “Grand Theft Auto,” the directorial debut of one Opie Cunningham . . . I mean, Ron Howard! Yes, before he started winning Oscars and Saturn Awards (but after appearing in “Valley of the Giants” and “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father” [the movie, not the tv show]) Little Ronnie directed and starred in this car-based romantic comedy action film, written by none other than his dear old dad, the great Rance Howard (R.I.P.), who also appears in the film with his sonny boy. How well does this family affair hold up after so many years? Is this a Corman-esque dud or do we see some of the bright flicker of hope that this young ginger director may one day bring? You know how to find out . . .
Poll question: who was your favorite child star and in what role?
We’ve done it! We’ve come to the end of our series “Be Like the Cor-Man”! They all laughed at us, laughed at us, I tell you! They said we were mad! Mad!! Well, now who’s mad?! Ahahahahahaha! We’ve made it through Roger Corman’s final directorial opus “Frankenstein Unbound”! They told us only lunatics would even attempt such an abomination! Fools! Credulous, hidebound fools! Who’s laughing now, eh, you fools?! WHO’S! LAUGHING! NOW! It’s us, that’s who, in case you’re all too credulous and hidebound and foolish to figure it out! Yes, this whole experiment has left us all shattered and ruined, mere shells of the men and ponies we were when we started but it was worth it, worth it I tell you! For science!!! Yes!! Because somehow all this ties back into science! It does! Stop giggling and being credulous and hidebound! Oh, and fools! Don’t forget fools! Because this whole experience has taught us . . . it’s taught us . . . well, listen and find out.
P.S. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Poll question: By some counts, Frankenstein is the 3rd most adapted literary character after Dracula and Sherlock Holmes; who is your favorite literary character adapted to film or tv or both?
Log entry, nighttime, July something or other. So, we’re coming to the end of our series “Be Like the Cor-Man” and in preparation for our discussion of “The Trip,” an exploration of the effects of an LSD experience, I’ve decided to really commit to the message of the film, so I’ve eaten half a sheet of blotter acid in preparation. I’m pretty sure that’s a reasonable dose for a beginner; the internet seems unable to agree on that. I have to say, so far I’m pretty disappointed. It’s been over an hour and I’m not even slightly biffle dinked. Krammiz frantzaville . . . Wait, why did I type that? Ow! Ow, dammit, the keys on my keyboard are biting me! Oh man, the plants in my window box were right; why didn’t I listen?! They warned me that computer peripherals aren’t to be trusted! What? Say that again, I dare you! Oh, what do you know about it? You’re just a regular old chorus of talking bats wearing electric blue zoot suits; what do you know about the counter-culture of the 60’s? Oh, ok . . . my spleen just explained to me that I should be open to all perspectives if I want my consciousness to expand beyond simple truths offered up by random walking conifers. I see now. I see everything. I see beyond the crude shells of . . . oh, hang on. Wait, this isn’t blotter acid! This is a sheet of bubble gum tape! Dang it, that giant talking puffin lied to me! So . . . where did these bats come from? While I’m figuring that out, join us on a far out Corman trip, man. Groovy. Freaky-deaky! [Eww, so much bat guano . . .]
Poll question: What time period is your favorite film setting, in the past or future?
Once upon a weekend dreary, while I pondered, drunk and bleary,
Over many a scratched and stainéd film, inducing quite a snore –
On the toilet I sat crapping, while the weekend I was mapping
In my head, my brain foot-tapping, hoping not to be a bore.
Surely there is something more!
Ah, distinctly I remember! It was May, no, wait, December!
Or maybe bleak November, I don’t know, my head is sore.
As I sat there nearly napping, from outside there came a tapping,
As if someone loudly rapping, rapping on the bathroom door!
Me: “One more minute, I implore!”
Then a voice, like some longshoreman, said: “’tis I, dead Roger Corman!
Do not open up the door, man, for that stench I can’t ignore!
Dead I may be, there’s no question, but I make this kind suggestion,
Someone should check your digestion, for that smell is bad, oh lor’!
If I weren’t dead already, it would kill me, that’s for shore!”
“Why haunt me, o movie shaman” I inquired, my face a-flamin’
My effluvia you’re shamin’, so what brings you to my door?”
“If a movie you are cravin’, go and watch my film ‘The Raven’,
Your podcast, it will be savin’, oh such pleasures are in store!”
And with that, he was no more!
So, I sat there, breathing fumes in, no it didn’t smell like cumin.
Shut your face, I’m only human! Does yours like roses smell?
Was the phantom truly speaking . . . oh lord, no, the toilet’s leaking!
It is out that I am freaking! Dear gods, this is surely hell!
How’s the movie? We shall tell!
Poll question: which author’s works do you most enjoy seeing adapted into film?
Hey, all you Daddy-os and cool chicks! Get hip to this new scene, man! We got some groovin’ behoovin’ all in the name of that heppest of hepcats Rog Corman and man, is this guy a real gone cat! We’re diggin’ the scene in our scenario-series “Be Like the Cor-man”, man, and brother, have we got a blast this week with “A Bucket of Blood”. Man, we’re not just copping a bit, we’re not a couple of gin mill cowboys, we’re laying down the ginchiest melody around! This pucker palace has it all: art, murder, folk singing, and that squarest of cubes, Burt Convy! But don’t blow your jets, this is going to be boss! So focus your audio and pick up what we’re putting down; it’s better than a zonk in the head. Crazy, daddy-o, crazy!
[Translation from “Beat”: we’re pleased as punch that you’re joining us as we discuss Roger Corman’s “A Bucket of Blood.” Our discussion should be quite nifty.]
Poll question: what genre do you think mixes best with comedy?
In 1977, a little indie film called “Star Wars” was released, ushering in a new era for science-fiction films. Its budget? Eleven million dollars. To which Roger “Be Like the Cor-Man” Corman replied “hold my beer” and a mere three years later presented the world with the sci-fi epic “Battle Beyond the Stars” for a much more reasonable two million dollars. Clearly, the Cor-Man knew where to trim the fat and what useless fripperies weren’t needed to tell a powerful and original story (ok, maybe not that original; the plot is clearly an homage to “The Magnificent Seven” and, via some elegantly subtle clues, to it’s antecedent “The Seven Samurai”. Trust Corman to steal only from the best. He even got one of the actors who was in “The Magnificent Seven” to appear in his movie, and another who almost stole the part of Vin away from Steve McQueen! This movie not only demonstrates Roger Corman’s ability as a producer but also his modesty, as despite the many Corman-esque directorial touches in this movie, Corman refused to be listed as director, turning that honor over the man who helped answer the question: “How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?” Confused? Give a listen, and much will be revealed.
Poll question: “Star Wars” forever changed the science fiction genre. what movie was a genre game-changer for you?
There’s a new superhero in town, the man they call “X”! He has the power to see through things! Clothing! Human skin! Manila file folders! And how does he use this power to fight crime, you ask? Uh . . . well, I guess he could see criminals naked and mock them about any body image problems they might have until they surrendered out of sheer embarrassment and shame. Wow . . . X is kind of a jerk. Lotta nerve calling himself a hero . . . except he doesn’t! That’s entirely on me! What a twist! No, this week’s entry in “Be Like the Cor-Man” does read somewhat like a superhero origin story, except that no one ever calls him “X” (the character’s name is Xavier. No, not “Professor” . . .) and he doesn’t try any super heroics, unless working in a carnival counts. I guess it could; that’s how Dick “Robin” Grayson got started, but anyway! This is considered one of the Cor-man’s better efforts; after all, it’s in color and it stars an Oscar-winning actor (Ray Milland) but how does it stack up against “Little Shop of Horrors”? Tune in and find out! Same Cor-time, same Cor-channel!
Poll question: What non-actor’s performance pleasantly surprised you?
Tremble before the rise of the Cor-man! We’re in “Be Like the Cor-man” now, up to our necks! For all his chintzy budgets, churned-out scripts, and lilliputian shooting schedules, Roger Corman hardly ever lost money on any of his pictures. Some of those pictures . . . one finds oneself asking “how?” as is the case of the 1960 now-cult-classic “Little Shop of Horrors” (not the musical, but it’s inspiration). This movie may very well hold the record for the shortest shooting time of any Corman film (tune in to find out how short) but it did have the distinction of being one of the first, if not THE first, horror-comedy movies ever. If you don’t agree with that last point, take it up with Bumpy (but really, do tell us if you can think of an earlier example). If nothing else, this movie is probably the best movie about a human-eating plant surrounded by Jewish stereotypes in Los Angeles that is supposed to be New York’s skid row that Jack Nicholson ever appeared in. Probably. Did that not make any sense? Give a listen; it’ll make even less.
Poll question: is there a movie adaptation you’ve seen that is better than the source material? If so, which one?
Spit fire and save matches, we’ve got us a new series! And it’s a doozy, recognizing one of the ~~greatest~~ ~~most talented~~ highly influential directors of the last hundred years. Who you may ask? Ron Howard? Sure, “Apollo 13” is decent and “A Beautiful Mind” won some minor awards like an Oscar but did he bring us “Dinoshark”? No, he did not! Martin Scorsese? Yeah, yeah, “Raging Bull,” “Mean Streets,” those are ok, I guess, but they’re no “Attack of the Crab Monsters”! What about Francis Ford Coppola? I guess some people like “The Godfather” and “Apocalypse Now” but come on, what are they compared to “Teenage Caveman”? But you know what all these directors have in common? They all got their starts working with one man. One exceptional man. One single man. One Cor-man. Yes, these giants of Hollywood, and many others, owe a great debt to recently-departed director/producer/occasional-kind-of-actor Roger Corman, a man who has his name on almost four hundred movies. With this series, we are exhorting you, one and all, to “Be Like the Cor-Man” and we’re starting off with one of his interpretations of an Edgar Allen Poe story (and he did a bunch of those!), “The House of Usher” (or “The Fall of the House of Usher,” as it was sometimes marketed. Or my favorite: “The House of Usher Goes to Hawaii”. Thought that of course was never released). What is it about the Cor-man that has left so indelible a impression upon American film-making? Give a listen, and we’ll try to clue you in!
Poll question: what is your favorite decade/era for film making? If you look closely, which decade has most of your favorites and why?
Halloyouall! Hier is de ende auf “Hat Nicht Gewonen. Hat Nicht Gewonen. Hat Nicht Gewonen” und der Max und der Mike ist vatchen das moviefilmen von Herr Charles Chaplin “Der Zehr Biggen Leadermensch”. Das ist ein moviefilmen vot nicht winnen das Oskar fur “Müst Gooden Movenpicturspassemachen” und das ist zehr unhappimachen. Or ist das? Maybeezo ist güt? Ist notzogüt? Komm, giben sie ein listenearenhearing zu der sauerbraten und so weit. Der Max und der Mike getalken lotsundlots und maybeezo yü dinken es ist lotsafunnyinterestdinkenmachen. Gesundheit!
Poll question: do you watch any of the major movie award shows, like the Oscars or the Golden Globes?
Um, ok, this is a bit embarrassing but while we were hoping to discuss “Singin’ in the Rain” as this week’s entry in our “Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win” series, we, well I’ll just say it, we couldn’t afford the licensing fees (it’s very complicated; it would take an economist to explain it) BUT don’t despair, because we’ve got something even better: the 1954 Soviet Union. . . homage to this great musical, another great musical called “Make Song During Bad Weather For Praise of Glorious Soviet State.” Oh, it’s a delight! We’ve got Genikoff Kelski, the Dancing Tractor Mechanic, Danilov Conzokoff, the legendary singer/beet farmer, and the lovely, sturdily-built Devrachav Reynavek, former tank commander and Olympic silver-medal winning power-lifter. What a cast! And the songs! So catchy! In addition to the toe-tapping title song, there’s “Induce Happy-Making Laughing in Service of the State,” “It is a Good Morning in Glorious New Russia,” and of course, “You Are Required to Dance”! Who needs that Oscar also-ran from that hack outfit MGM? I mean, that turkey didn’t even get nominated for Best Picture! The only reason “Make Song During Bad Weather For Praise of Glorious Soviet State” didn’t win in ’54 was clearly blatant favoritism on the part of the bourgeoisie capitalist running-dogs of the Academy. Give a listen and find out what did win! [Ok, I wrote what you wanted; you’ll “take care” of Bumpy now, right?]
Poll question: do you like to know the “behind-the-scenes stuff” for your favorite movies or does that spoil the magic?
Ok, this week’s entry in the “Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win” series is a bit troubling. I mean, it’s “2001: A Space Odyssey,” right? Well, I don’t know about you but I remember 2001; I remember getting over the Y2K panic; I remember George W. Bush being president. You know what I DON’T remember? Finding a mysterious black monolith on the moon! Know what else I DON’T remember? A manned flight to Jupiter! What the hell is the movie trying to pull?! You know what I think? Now, hear me out, don’t just call me a conspiracy nut or anything, but I think that this whole thing . . . now, hear me out . . . was filmed on a SOUNDSTAGE IN HOLLYWOOD! By acclaimed film director Stanley Kubrick! Yeah, fine, call me crazy, sure, it all looks real, but someone is trying to fool us all here and we won’t let them get away with it! Max, Mike; Movies: delivering the truth, unvarnished and as it appears to us in our bowls of breakfast cereal! Wake up, sheeple! Give a listen! Learn the truth! The Earth isn’t round, either! It’s burrito-shaped! Hey, LISTEN to us!
Poll question: do you think the bias against genre movies like science fiction or westerns is unfair or do you think it’s right for award nominations to go mostly to so-called “real” movies?
Please check out this week’s episode of “Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win.” Please do. Please baby, please, baby baby baby please! From that ham-handed reference, you can guess that we’re taking on a Spike Lee movie, specifically “Do The Right Thing”, a movie that didn’t win Best Picture, wasn’t even nominated for Best Picture, but a LOT of people thought was the Best Picture of 1989. Heck, give a listen and hear Mike reveal which Oscar presenter used her time to call out the fact that this movie wasn’t nominated! Hint: it’s not Dame Judy Dench (but if she had been there at the time, I bet she would have said something). Anyway, join us for this remarkable, if not easily-watched, movie and stock up on D-cells for your tape player!
Poll question: what is your favorite Samuel L. Jackson performance?
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that this week’s entry in “Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win” was NOT a thrilling docu-drama about the founding and development about the capital of Alaska. I mean, what a missed opportunity! I was hoping to see the on-screen portrayals of the prospectors Richard Harris and Joe Juneau as they struggle to the death to see who gets to name the city (ok, the current name of the city is kind of a spoiler) but imagine Graham Greene as the Tlingit Chief Kowee! Abe Vigoda as the crusty but loveable general store owner! They could have done a touching story about the dog Patsy Anne, the official Canine Greeter of Juneau, or had a massive musical number where everyone does the Ice Worm Wiggle (I’m not making any of that up). Sigh. Ok, so I guess we did get a pretty ok movie about teen pregnancy, with an awesome soundtrack, great performances and some razor-sharp Diablo Cody dialogue but I can’t help think about . . . what could have been . . .
Poll question: What is your favorite Michael Cera performance?
Welcome to Max Foster Levine and No One Else; Movies. I, and I alone, have come up with our new series “Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win.” and don’t you forget it! Yes, yes, I may have had some partner or other at some point but I sent him packing when he showed his vast lack of vision at my brilliant choice of “Citizen Kane” as an example of the Worst Movie Ever. Seriously, what a stinker. You all have probably never even heard of this turkey, given the hideous performances, ludicrous script, and barf-inducing direction and camera work by some hack who sold frozen peas. Everyone hates this movie. Yes, they do! Don’t tell me what you think, I’ll tell YOU what you think! You hear me?! My opinions of movies are the only ones that matter!! You all listen to me and no one else! LISTEN TO ME! I’M MAX FOSTER LEVINE AND I . . . I . . . I . . . my heart . . . {thud} . . . . . {whispered} In July . . . .
Poll question: what do you think is the best motion picture ever made? Not necessarily your favorite, but the best made?
Somewheeeerre, off in the podcast
Movies play
And my buddy and me chat
About them throughout the day.
Somewhere, off in the podcast,
We’ll talk flicks.
And we’ll just keep on talking
’cause we’re a pair of . . . Um, ok, that’s enough singing for now!
Yes, believe it or not, the classic “The Wizard of Oz” was nominated for but did not win Best Picture for 1939! Jiminy Cricket! How did this happen? Did the Academy just not have any brains that year? Did their collective heart turn to stone? Did they have no courage? Did they all desperately want to return to Kansas? Give a listen to this week’s “Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win” and find out! Run, Toto, run!
Poll question: what is your favorite theme song from a non-musical movie?
We’ve got us a brand-new series! How often does that happen? Well, pretty often, but that’s part of the magic! This week, we’re kicking off our series “Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win. Didn’t Win” where we discuss movies that seemed like a lock for the Best Picture Oscar but instead were cruelly and viciously stomped upon by some other film that took their statue, stole their lunch money, and made fun of them at recess. That’s how the Academy works; don’t dispute me! Our first nominee is 2005’s “Brokeback Mountain,” a beautiful and heartbreaking story of love, social expectations, toxic masculinity, and a bunch of other stuff that I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING SHUT UP! Sure, this movie is terrific, but was its Oscar loss understandable? Or were there . . . other factors (I’m looking at you, Illuminati!)
Poll question: what’s your favorite filmic love story?
We’re closing out “Because Patton Said So” with one last entry from Patton Oswalt’s choices from the Criterion Collection. And as we mosey into the sunset, on our cayuse (which I think is a small Yugoslavian car, don’t quote me on that), we’re taking a gander at a Sam Fuller Western, 1957’s “Forty Guns.” The central premise of this movie is: do you really need forty guns? I mean, wouldn’t thirty-five guns be enough? But this movie dares to ask the question: what if, in fact, you need to shoot forty things? You’d feel pretty silly just standing there with thirty-five guns and five things left to shoot, wouldn’t you? Didn’t think of that, did you? Well, now who’s confused about the plot or themes of this movie (it’s me, isn’t it . . .)? Not to worry, Mike and I get things sorted out in this week’s episode, so give a listen and see how we manage it! Oh, and by the way . . . YEEEEE-HAAAWWWW! (ow, ow, ow, I hurt myself, ow, ow, ow . . . )
Poll question: If you like Westerns, what is your favorite Western? Or do you dislike the entire genre?
Heeewack, campers! We’ve got another choice selection from the list of Filmaster Oswalt! He’s brought us obscure, powerful noir films, languid, elegant Japanese films, so what tasteful, understated lyrical selection has he made for us . . . oh. Oh. OHHH!!!! OH GOD MY EYES MY EYES WHAT’S HAPPENING WHAT THE HELL IS THIS OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD . . . Umm . . . I mean . . . well, this John Water’s . . . classic is certainly a change of pace for us. Yes. That’s what it is. Seriously, this film is . . . really something. I think the process of creating this film went something like this:
Hollywood: Well, it’s 1968 and we’ve finally done away with the Hayes Code! What kind of shock could possibly come of this decision?
John Waters in 1974: Hold my beer.
Yes, John Waters, the man who puts the “cult” in “culture” created this entry, which was astonishingly shocking and transgressive for it’s time. But now it’s fifty years later, so it probably seems very tame, even dull . . . right? Right? Mike, why won’t you look at me . . .?
Poll question: What is the cheapest made movie you’ve ever come to love?
Once again, we are pleased to bring you a film selection suggested by one Mr. Patton Oswalt (and there is only one of him, at least until I perfect my cloning-and-memory-imprint-transfer device, which should be any day now; I just need to find one more set of old skee-ball machine gears . . .): Yasujirō Ozu’s 1952 work “The Flavor of Green Tea Over Rice.” And just what is the flavor of green tea over rice? Does it taste like victory? Does it taste like the slow but inescapable realization that your favorite Aunt may have an online gambling addiction? Does it just taste like wet rice? Or does it taste like something else entirely? I’m positive it’s one of those three things (spoiler alert: according to Ozu, I got all three of those things wrong. Oh well. That’s why he was a director and I’m directionless). Patton chose this film out of all of Ozu’s films because . . . well, that would be telling, wouldn’t it? You’ll have to tune in to find out, and you’ll have to listen to all of it, because I won’t reveal the answer to that quandary until the very, very end of the episode (spoiler alert: that’s a lie; you’ll find out fairly early on).
Poll question: who is one actor whose success absolutely baffles you? Just makes you think “how did this person become a movie star?”
Welcome to a brand-spanking-new series (a spanking! A spanking!), inspired by someone Mike and I both admire and enjoy: Patton! That’s right, when you put your hand in a pile of goo that five minutes ago was a movie’s guts . . . wait, hang on, wrong Patton . . . No, indeed, this series is inspired and shaped not by the legendary general and tank-commander but by legendary standup-comedian, actor, author, and inventor of those little plastic things that hold bread bags closed (well, he COULD have invented those! He’s just that good!), Patton Oswalt! Please, please hold your applause until the end. This series takes movies from Patton’s personal choices from the mythical Criterion Closet, that fabled collection of classic movies where angels fear to tread or eagles dare or Abbott and Costello meet the wolfman. One of those collections. And lest you fear that we are simply plagiarizing Mr. Oswalt’s list, let me assure you that I personally contacted Patton and he personally said “Of course, Max, use my list! We’re best friends now and you should hang out with me and Aimee Mann and Weird Al Yankovic in my secret solid gold orbiting pleasure satellite!” In my mind, that’s exactly what happened, rather than Mike’s silly assertion that I actually heard from some very nice people on Patton’s management team who managed to overlook my frothing at the mouth and my screams of “Patton! I would scorch the earth for you!!!” and said it was fine if we used his list for inspiration. And that’s just what we’re doing! We’re starting off with a lesser-known noir film from 1945, “Detour.” Give a listen and see what we (and Patton) thought of this one. Did it deserve a slot in our “Walk the Dark Street” series? And Patton, if you’re reading this (and in my mind, you are), please don’t worry. I wouldn’t ACTUALLY scorch the earth for you. But, if you wanted a small, uninhabited section of Billings, Montana slightly singed . . .
Poll question: what actor do you feel never got their due? Just didn’t get the big roles or the accolades?
Today, the laughter has died. Yes, we’ve come to the end of our “What’s So Funny?” series; we’re all sorry to see it end, as it means nothing will ever be funny again but we urge you all to stiffen that upper lip, square those shoulders, and do your best to carry on. We’re closing this out with another listener suggestion, the recent “Barbie” movie! This movie was immensely popular but as we’ve seen recently, not without controversy, and I think we all know what the issue is: where are the most significant iterations of Barbie?! Why were they left out of this tribute?! Where’s Kaiju Barbie, with Realistic Trample-able City? What happened to Soccer Hooligan Barbie (with Broken Beer Bottletm and life-like facial scars)? What about Shinsengumi Barbie with her Sparkle-Katana, attempting to bring law and order to Edo-period Japan? Ok, it’s possible I just imagined that last one. Ok, maybe I imagined all of them, but that’s not the point! My hallucinations should be canon and I know none of you will rest until this has been made right! Delusion Enabling Barbie told me so! Anyway, slip into something pink, grab a brewski-beer, and give a listen!
Poll question: what movie do you think SHOULD have won the Oscar for Best Picture but didn’t?
Welcome to our penultimate “What’s So Funny?” episode; this week we’ve got a Neil Simon-penned (or more likely typewritered) little number, the spiritual sequel, sort of, to a movie both Mike and I really enjoy, “Murder By Death,” another Neil Simon creation. This one focuses more on one genre: the hard-boiled detective movie, more specifically, the hard-boiled Humphrey Bogart detective movie. I mean, the detective in the movie is hard-boiled, not Humphrey Bogart. Hard-boiling Humphrey Bogart would be horrible. Really. Everyone knows that you should pan-sear your Humphrey Bogart for optimum flavor and mouth-feel. Mmmm . . . delicious first-half-of-the-twentieth-century-acting flavor . . . Oh, um, sorry, where was I, why am I drooling . . . anyway, give a listen and see if Mike and I think this one lives up to its predecessor or if it’s a case of cinematic . . . muuuuurrrrrrddderrrrrrr.
Poll question: what’s your favorite musical moment in a movie, either a staged number or spontaneous playing or singing?
Well now, homefellows. I must suggest that you “step off”, lest you find yourself labeled a “jive turkey.” I am not funning with you, my siblings. I would deeply appreciate it if you would each and every one of you pick up what we are “laying down,” as it were; Max and Mike are our names and discussing movies is indeed what you might in fact refer to as “our game.” As you can no doubt deduce, Mike and I are most assuredly “down” with “the street”. (What do you mean, “Sesame Street, maybe”?! Shut up, Bumpy! Nobody asked you! Don’t make me stick out my tongue at you!). This week’s entry in our series “What’s So Funny?”, we’re “taking a look at” an Eddie Murphy “movie” from “2019,” a “biopic” (sorry if I’m losing you with all the hip lingo) about a comedian named Rudy Ray Moore who created one of the most legendary (some might say infamous) Blackspoitation characters: Dolemite. Does the movie do justice to this cinematic pioneer? Does it have production values? Am I crying? Give a listen, or we might, I don’t know, muss up your cravats! Don’t make us do it!
Poll question: who is your favorite film director?
YEE HAW! Howdy, pardners! I’m Big Max and that there is Big Mike and we’re “Big Max and Big Mike’s Big House O’ Psychopaths”! And we’ve got so much inventory this month that we’ve gone PLUM CRAZY! Come on down and see what we’ve got! We’ve got masked vigilantes tossing playing cards! We’ve got bald Vietnamese guys dressed as Catholic priests! We’ve got dog nappers! We’ve got gangsters! Heck, we’ve even got us Colin Farrell! Now who don’t want a Colin Farrell on their front lawn? And our prices can’t be beat! How many psychopaths do you think you get for $99.99? Two psychopaths? Hell, no, pardon my French! Four psychopaths? Partner, don’t make us laugh. Hold onto your propellor beanies because this week only you’ll get SEVEN, count ‘em, SEVEN psychopaths for $99.99! Great balls o’ fire! You better take advantage of these prices before our medication kicks in! Come on down this weekend to “Big Max and Big Mike’s Big House O’ Psychopaths” and as a special offer, one of our psychopaths will personally punch you in the head! And if you bring the kiddies . . . well, you’re a TERRIBLE PARENT and someone should call Social Services on your ass! YEE HAW!
Poll question: who is your favorite cinematic bad guy?
Welcome back to our “What’s So Funny?” series. And you know what’s funny? The blood-sucking undead. Oh, my sides! Yes, the 70’s brought a resurgence of Dracula movies (not that he ever really went away) and 1979 brought us one! Two! Three! Four! Five! Five Dracula movies! Ah ah ah! {sound of thunder}. And of all of them, “Love at First Bite” was certainly one of them. A rare attempt (if not the first attempt) to make Dracula funny (because what’s wackier than a humanoid apex predator who rips open peoples’ jugular veins and turns them into thralls? Forget Oscar Wilde, forget the Marx Brothers, we’ve got a guy with an unquenchable thirst for human blood! Oh, my sides! We do have Tanmaster Supreme, George Hamilton as Dracula, Arte Johnson giving us a hilarious Renfield, and Susan St. James doing a creditable job impersonating a blonde woman. Sadly, we also have . . . disco. Disco. We must never forget the horror that came before us . . . Give a listen and see if the humor holds up! Join us, master! I mean, mister!
Poll question: what is your favorite vampire movie of any era?
Our entry in our series “What’s So Funny?” this week is the third in the famous (or infamous) Cornetto Trilogy from Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Edgar Wright. Sadly, we’ve skipped right over “Shaun of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz” (for now) but we’re focusing on this rather odd, surprisingly emotionally complex comedy. This film starts as a High-School-Friends-Reunited-in-Bittersweet-Circumstances story and then very suddenly veers into . . . well, let’s just say: some other sorts of stories. Featuring a stellar cast and sharp writing, this is still probably the most divisive of the Cornetto Trilogy: some folks loved it, some really didn’t. Give a listen and see what we thought. Barkeep! Two pints of bitter, over here! Mike, you want anything?
Poll question: What film has the best final or ending scene?
Guten jour, me old mates-comrades! Welcome to our wonderful country of Europe! Yag shamash! Here in Europe, we Europeans so much like to see Americans come here to enjoy our foodthings, purchase our geegaws, and desecrate our many famous monuments and landmarks! Do we mind? Nyet! As long as it is for funny Tik Tokking or Instafacing, we of Europe are oh so much good sports! Come to our capitol, Europe City! Enjoy our ancient confusing traditions, customs, and language that you have not bothered to learn anything about and feel free to have many sexings on all of ancient historical sites! Don’t bother learning European; everyone everywhere speaks American! Salud, merci, gesundheit! Hello Europe!
We’re continuing to ask “What’s So Funny?” with this week’s entry “Eurotrip.” Is it funny ha-ha? Funny strange? Funny uh-oh? Or funny not-so-funny? Give a listen and become edumacated!
Poll question: What is your LEAST favorite comedy movie? One you just found really unfunny, even if everyone around you was laughing?
The movie’s one hundred fifty-one minutes long. We’ve got a full box of Bumpy Pux, half a quart of YooHoo, it’s broad daylight and we’re wearing rainbow-sequined lederhosen. Let’s roll.
Welcome to another in our series “What’s So Funny?” The movie that tries to answer that question this week is John Landis’ “The Blues Brothers,” which may have one of Max’s favorite soundtracks of any movie ever, not to mention some of the greatest musical cameos and guest stars (in a movie?) of all time. So strap in, slip on some Ray-Bans, don’t let any Penguins smack you with a ruler (our man Vince knows all about that!) and join us on our righteous quest. After all, we’re on a mission from Pod(cast)! Give a listen!
Poll question: what movie soundtrack made you go “I’ve got to listen to more of this person’s music or this genre of music”?
Heeeyyy! Wakka wakka wakka! We’re DONE being hard-boiled and detective-y, so now we’re going to lighten up with a new series we’re calling “What’s So Funny?” Howaya, howaya, howaya? Saying things three times is funny! Hey, Mike! Bring that tray of priceless crystal goblets over here but watch out for that banana peel . . . OH GOD, MIKE! No! Are you . . . no, no, don’t try to move! Oh god, there’s so much blood . . . let me try to get you on your feet . . . AAAHHH! The glass punched right through my shoe!! I’ve never known such pain! AHHHH! I fell on patch of broken glass stems! It’s like a thousand daggers! Mike, Mike, don’t close your eyes! Stay with me now! Oh no . . . why, god, whyyyyyyyyy?!
Yes, we’re obviously masters of comedy here at Max, Mike; Movies . . . not! Oh, my sides! But we do love us some comedy ha-ha type movies, so we’re going to watch a bunch of movies by actual comic thespians doing actually funny things . . . or trying to, in some cases. We’re going to mix it up with some new, some classics, and a bunch of suggestions from YOU, our witty and elegantly-manicured listeners. We’re starting off with a pretty recent flick from Andy Samberg and his fellow Lonely Island denizens: 2016’s “Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping,” a recent take on the rocku-mockumentary genre. Join us for many giggles, chortles and guffaws . . . or prolonged “huuuuhhh?”’s! Enjoy!
Poll question: What is your favorite cinematic fake band? Include movies, TV shows, cartoons . . .
As we come to the close of our “Walk the Dark Street” series, let us consider hunting. One can hunt for many things: gold, Red October, wascally wabbits . . . but what sort of man does it take to hunt for two adorable children and their cash-filled doll? I’ll tell you what kind: Robert Mitchum’s Preacher in “Night of the Hunter” and here’s hoping there aren’t a lot of his kind of man out there. Brrr. Regardless of what you might think of the movie overall, Mitchum’s performance is remarkable in its intensity and stress-inducement. So join me and Mike as we HUNT for the overall quality of this final film noir in our series (see what I did there? Of course you do. I don’t even know why I bothered to ask. I’m just so tired . . . when I try to sleep, I keep seeing Robert Mitchum standing over my bed, holding a stick of Mitchum deodorant . . . I think I need help).
By the way, to satisfy your burning need to know, “Walk the Dark Street” is the title of a stunningly bad “thriller” starring Chuck “The Rifleman” Connors that sort of tries to be an urban “The Most Dangerous Game.” We watched it; you don’t have to.
Poll question: who or what is the scariest movie character you’ve encountered?
Great googly-moogly, we’re at the penultimate “Walk the Dark Street” episode and what do we have? A muurrrrrrrderrrr. Murder most foul! Missing persons! Terrible deaths! Conniving relatives! What can possibly solve this confounding conundrum? The one thing that always helps: booze! Yes, booze, and lots of it! Booze makes you charming and enhances your deductive faculties! Booze makes everyone in New York, from cops to crooks, like you and find you delightful! Booze makes your terrier obedient and lets you ignore bullet wounds! Booze! [Disclaimer: all prior effects of booze are only applicable if you are William Powell or Myrna Loy and only in the 1930’s and 40’s. All the many negative medical effects of booze apply in all other cases. Not available in all states (sorry, Tennessee!). Only apply booze if you only take taxis, have your own chauffer, or your own private railway car]. Yes, join us for the first in the very successful alcohol-soaked “Thin Man” movie series. Drink deep of the only one of these many films actually based on a Dashiell Hammet novel. Chug this very early example of film noir (or is it?)! Come and knock back a few with Max, Mike, and Bumpy the Wonder Terrier (I’m working on a trade-in).
Poll question: what is your favorite laugh-out-loud comedy?
Ah, oui . . . the way of le Samourai. Surely there is nothing more French than le code of le Bushido, non? For was it not Jean-Paul Sartre who said “Existence precedes and rules essence, and so I must cut my belly open.” How often have we thrilled to the exploits of that master of le dai-sho, Marcel Marceau, who slaughtered his enemies with his merciless blades while never speaking a word. Also while smoking. Of course, you silly Americans must think this strange, in your ignorance, assuming that le Samourai is a Japanese cultural creation. C’est l’absurd! Now, enjoy some fine sake from the rice paddies of Bordeau.
No, this week’s entry in “Walk the Dark Street” may not fit the traditional notion of a samurai film but, well, it sure as heck seems to fit the notion of film noir. I mean, it sure as le heck . . . ok, I can’t keep this going. Anyway, this film appears on many lists as an excellent example of film noir, even if film noir is pure ‘MURICA! . . . despite the fact that the term is French but never mind! Join your amis Maxamillion et Michel as we see if we agree with all of these folks who think this film is le bee’s knees. Alons-y!
Poll question: who is your favorite non-American actor?
Kon’nichiwa, minasan, Makkusu, Maiku, eiga, soshite watashitachi no sirīzu `u~ōku za dāku sutorīto’ e yōkoso. Ok, that was supposed to say “Hello, folks, welcome to Max, Mike, Movies and our series, Walk the Dark Street.” However, apparently what it actually says is: “Hello, everyone. Welcome to Max, Mike, the film, and this series, Walking on Dark Paths.” At least, that’s how I hope it translates. If it’s something worse, I deeply apologize and it’s Mike’s fault. I kind of like the name Makkusu, though . . . And why are we butchering the language of the Land of the Rising Sun? Because that’s the origin point of this week’s film, “Tokyo Drifter.” The “Tokyo” part is kind of a giveaway. This is a groovy, swinging scene from the heart of the 1960’s, which proves the 60’s were the 60’s, no matter what part of the world you were in. But how well does this Japanese New Wave film handle the genre of film noir? Slip into your best powder-blue suit, tune up your harmonica, and join your bros/pals Makkusu and Maiku to find out.
Poll question: what is your favorite example of one country successfully making a movie in a genre associated with a different country? An American samurai movie? An Italian cowboy movie? A Russo-Finnish Sinbad movie?
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to today’s tour of Dark City, brought to you by Max, Mike; Movies, the podcast for your busy Dark City life, and their latest flavor . . . sorry, series, “Walk the Dark Street.” And how appropriate is that, folks, because all our streets are dark! Here. Because it’s Dark City . . . tough crowd. So, on your left, there’s a fine example of our city’s neo-classical architecture in the famous Sutherland Building, but you can’t see it . . . because it’s dark. Right now we’re going over the picturesque Connelly bridge which spans Sewell river but you can’t see either of those things . . . because it’s dark. Seriously, why does anyone shell out money for these tours? It’s dark here; that’s our whole thing! It’s in the name of city, for gosh sakes! No! Get off me! They have to know that these tours are a fraud! A fraud, I tell you!
But our podcast is not a fraud and is certainly not created by bizarre aliens wearing human forms, attempting to understand what is to be truly hu-man. What a silly idea. Or is it? This 1998 film is another non-standard choice as an example of film noir, as it’s science fiction (or fantasy, really; the science doesn’t bear a lot of scrutiny) and deals with the nature of the self and raises the question: are we nothing more than the sum of our memories? Whoa, deep! Does it work? Does the science fiction element help or hinder? And does this film belong in our Catalog of Noir? Give a listen to Mr. Max and Mr. Mike and find out!
Poll question:Is there still room for film noir in today’s cinema? Or has it all been said before? Is it still relevant?
“Hello, hi, is this thing on? Ok, I’d like to call to order this meeting of the Sin City Chamber of Commerce. Could I get some water, please? Um, ok, I’d like to start off by saying kudos to all you guys; we’ve had a great year for at least SOME sins. Wrath, well, we sure have that covered, and big, big thanks to you guys, Marv, Dwight, and Hartigan. Lust, wow, what can I say? That’s always been a biggie here, thank you Nancy and Gail! Another great year. Let’s hear it for them! Pride, well the Rourke brothers have that pretty well covered, but folks, let’s not ignore the sinful elephant in the room (seriously, could I get some water, please?). I mean Greed has been sort of implied but not really well represented, neither has Envy and don’t get me started on Gluttony or Sloth! I mean, come on people! When people think of Sin City, we want to think of ALL the Seven Deadly Sins, not just the ones on the billboards. Now, I’ve got a 430 slide presentation on how I think we can improve the presence of our under-represented sins, but first, could I get some water, please?”
Well, that went on a bit longer than expected but if you haven’t guessed, this week’s “Walk the Dark Street” deals with a noir-type film inspired by a Frank Miller graphic novel series from the 90’s. So how does this extremely faithful-to-the-source-material film stack up? Pull on your fine, fine coat, grab lotsa guns and a vintage car and give a listen!
Poll question: What’s your favorite film adaptation of a comic book? Doesn’t have to be a superhero comic book!
Well, we’re about halfway through our “Walk the Dark Street” series and Mike and I are learning things about film noir that we never imagined. We’ve learned hard lessons, rough lessons, painfully tight lessons . . . ok, this is going in a weird direction, but perhaps the most surprising thing we’ve learned is from this week’s Billy Wilder film, considered by many to the first film noir, and that is: forget about private eyes, forget about ex-cops or ex-spies. The hardest, nastiest, coldest guys with the sharpest edge are . . . insurance salesmen. That’s right, what use is a gat in the face of a skillfully wielded actuarial table? How many of you wouldn’t quail in the face of a detailed distribution of assets as valued in the previous tax year, including, but not limited to, personal property, annuities and general fiduciary responsibilities? These guys would make the strongest of us curl up and whimper. Phillip Marlowe and Sam Spade would run screaming into the night in the face of a table of policy holder’s rights and responsibility. Brrr. Makes me cold just thinking about it. And this movie has one of the sharpest, oiliest boys in the business . . . Fred MacMurray! That’s right, before old Fred invented Flubber or lived with His Three Sons, he romanced a tough-as-nails dame played by Barbara Stanwyck and went toe-to-toe with Edward G. Robinson. Give a listen and see what it’s like in barbed-wired-and-razor-blades world of . . . personal insurance! Dun dun DUUUUUNNNN!
Poll question: What was the worst movie viewing experience you ever had? Was it the movie, the venue, the patrons, or a combination of all three?
In this week’s episode of “Walk the Dark Street” we return to the Age of Classic Noir with the 1946 Bogey and Bacall vehicle, directed by Howard Hawks and with a screenplay written by none other than William Faulkner, adapted from a Raymond Chandler novel. Faulkner, later legendary for his simple, clear-cut storytelling and basic, almost child-like use of language is the perfect person to adapt this painfully easy to follow story about a simple family, a simple mystery and I’m simply lying to you. This film is not easy to follow and is less of a whodunit than it is a “why is my forehead throbbing now that the movie’s over?” sort of film. Sure, the cast is amazing, Howard Hawks’ direction is slick, tight, and speedy but is that enough to overcome a, um, SLIGHTLY convoluted plot that ends up with more holes in it than a . . . thing with a lot of holes? I believe I’ve mentioned that I’m not good at these noir similes, haven’t I? Well, give a listen, and see if this is muddled mess or the sort of movie where you don’t really know what’s happening but you just don’t care? I’ll be over here with my Big Book of Film Noir Similes so maybe I’ll have a handle on it by the end of this series.
Poll question: when you watch a mystery or thriller, do you prefer to try to figure out whodunit in advance or do you like to just let the story carry you along?
“Hey, man, you know what they call Max, Mike; Movies in France?”
“No. What do they call it?”
“They call it Le Max, Mike; Cinéma.”
“That’s cool. What do they call ‘Walk the Dark Street’ in France’?”
“That’d be “Marcher Dans La Rue Sombre. “
“Cool. Cool. Is that because they use the metric system?”
“What? No! How does that make any sense? Well, you’ve ruined it now.”
As you may have surmised, this week’s potential example of film noir comes from the land of 400 cheeses, Peugeots, and dressing: France, what with it being French and all. So, it’s French, it’s in color, and did we mention it’s not in English? Is this film actually film noir or, is it, as the French would say . . . um, film noir? Huh . . . Give le listen and findez-vous out!
Poll question: what is your favorite foreign film?
And we’re back, walking the dark street with our series “Walk the Dark Street.” Works out rather nicely, doesn’t it? This week our subject is a 70’s take on that classic Raymond Chandler character Phillip Marlowe in Robert Altman’s film version of “The Long Goodbye.” This one’s a little different folks; for one thing, it’s in color, which is an issue in and of itself (see the poll question below). For another, the hard-bitten, hard-drinking, razor sharp detective, so ably portrayed before by Humphrey Bogart, is now played by . . . Elliott Gould? Sure, that tracks. Natural progression, going from Bogey to Gould to Robert Mitchum (1975, “Farewell My Lovely”). I mean . . . at least they’re in correct alphabetical order? So this one is a poser, most dear and impeccably dressed listeners: can a noir film work with such an odd choice for Marlowe, and in color no less? Do please consider: this movie does have a cat in it, and it’s kind of surprising who plays the feline part. And a future governor of California makes an uncredited, non-speaking appearance, so we’re in for some interesting weather. Give a listen and see what we thought!
Poll question: do you think film noir works better with black-and-white movies or does color not make a difference?
This dame was trouble. I could tell. Those big, brown eyes, so innocent, eyes that said “trust me, I won’t stab you in the back.” Right. I’d heard that before and I had the scars on my trapezius to prove it. She tossed her long mane of hair aside and crossed her long, gorgeous legs, … Continue reading "Episode 258 – Sunset Boulevard (1950)"
As we close out our “…But An Incredible Simulation” series, we’re taking a deep look, thinking deep thoughts, and having a deep discussion about . . . well, it’s right there in the episode title, so you don’t really need me to say it. “Deep Impact” and “Armageddon” have an odd history; most people see … Continue reading "Episode 257 – Deep Impact (1998)"
[scene: studio execs at Touchstone Pictures talking to director Michael Bay]
Execs: So, Mr. Bay, we’re looking for a major summer tentpole movie for 1998. Any ideas?
Michael Bay: BOOM! KABLAM! KABLOOIE! SKADAM!!
Execs: An asteroid, you say? Love it! So, we get some big stars in a disaster movie . . . what else?
Michael Bay: POW! SKABOOM! BLAMBLAMBLAMBOOM!
Execs: Sure, Bruce Willis, that Ben Affleck kid, Liv Tyler, an Aerosmith tie-in . . . what do you think, Jerry Bruckheimer?
Jerry Bruckheimer: BLAMMO! KAPOW! BOOOOOOOOM!
Execs: Genius! These guys are geniuses! Give them all the money!
Yes, friends, I have perfectly recreated the pitch meeting for 1998’s blockbuster “Armageddon.” Sway in awe of my powers of recreation! We’re up to our final pairing in our “… But An Incredible Simulation” series and the first half of the pair is very successful, if scientifically slightly-questionable, movie “Boom Boom ‘Splodey-‘Splodey Space Rock Movie” (I’m pretty sure that was the working title; don’t look it up). Join us and our special guest Bruce Willis (hey, he’s in the movie, that means it counts as a guest appearance. I made it up, I mean, looked it up!) and see if this master class in astrophysics also doubles as a fun movie! Boom!
Poll question: what is your favorite Bruce Willis performance?
Last week’s movie raised the question “Was everybody Kung Fu Fighting?” Well, this week, a 2011 . . . tribute/homage/why-god-why film mumbles the question “Yeah, and was everybody Tae Kwan Do fighting, too? I mean, they might have been! I guess . . .” Like the DreamWorks film, this movie(?) features a Panda and martial … Continue reading "Episode 255 – Chop Kick Panda (2011)"
This week in our “… But An Incredible Simulation” series we tackle the very serious lyrical question: Was EVERYONE Kung Fu Fighting? I mean, it just doesn’t’ seem to make practical sense for everyone, everywhere to be Kung Fu Fighting, especially at the same time. All urban infrastructure would come to a complete halt. Food … Continue reading "Episode 254 – Kung Fu Panda (2008)"
Mac and Cheese. Mac and PC. Mac and Me. It’s an almost inevitable progression, isn’t it? A beloved taste treat, a primal struggle between titans, and . . . this movie we’re using for this week’s entry in “…But An Incredible Simulation.” I’m sure you don’t need me to point out the obvious connection between … Continue reading "Episode 253 – Mac and Me (1988)"
Welcome to another in our “…But An Incredible Simulation,” where we pair blockbusters with mockbusters, in an attempt to tease your cinematic palette (ooo, sounds naughty!). This week, we’ve got a classic Steven Spielberg blockbuster about a young boy and his carefully-maintained backup glass container holding earth and plants, creating a closed biosphere: “E.T., The … Continue reading "Episode 252 – E.T., The Extraterrestrial (1982)"
Ah, the fascinating geological phenomenon known as the “Atlantic Rim”! Studied by . . . NO ONE, OK? There IS no Atlantic Rim! Well, there is, but it’s not a fascinating planetary crustal system, roughly overlapping the Atlantic Rim of Fire . . . because THAT doesn’t exist either! What DOES exist is this rushed-out … Continue reading "Episode 251 – Atlantic Rim (2013)"
Heckfire and dog my cats! We got us a brand, spanking new series (a spanking! A spanking!) (Calm down, Mike). Y’ever notice how sometimes a big blockbuster movie comes out? Nah, me neither. Kidding, kidding, of course you have; but have you also noticed that when such a movie comes out, right on its heels … Continue reading "Episode 250 – Pacific Rim (2013)"
This week’s episode is indeed very special: it marks the fifth anniversary of my waking up with a throbbing head and a copy of a binding “We Are Doing A Podcast” stapled to my shirt that I had apparently signed as “Maxxx Overdrive.” Mike has assured me many times over the last five years that … Continue reading "Episode 249 – Fifth Anniversary Show! Deadpool 2 (2018)"
There have been many great, even legendary pairings in history: Gilbert and Sullivan. Lunt and Fontaine. Pork and beans. And of course, Martin and Lewis. Yes, before Dino was swinging with the Rat Pack or fighting bad guys as Matt Helm, before Jerry knew what a telethon was or that the French thought he was … Continue reading "Episode 248 – Scared Stiff (1953)"
Here we are at the penultimate entry in our “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” series and I’m really excited about this week’s entry. I had no idea there was a forty-year-old film about my favorite member of Marvel’s Fantastic Four, the ever-lovin’, blue-eyed . . . hah? Really? So, what’s this movie actually about? … Continue reading "Episode 247 – The Thing (1982)"
I’m sure you’ve all been able to tell that this series “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” has clearly taken its toll on Mike. He’s just so stressed out by these movies, and I think we all know that he needs to just chill. You know, take a really big chill pill and just chill … Continue reading "Episode 246 – The Big Chill (1983)"
It’s my turn to confess my ignorance in this week’s episode of “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2”: I have never seen the beloved classic of youth “The Goonies.” Nope. Just never got around to it. And now that I’ve seen it . . . much like “American Pie,” I’m a bit disappointed as to … Continue reading "Episode 245 – The Goonies (1985)"
Ah, George Lucas. He’s certainly given us a lot. Memories. Iconic images. Deep, bleeding psychic wounds. He’s directed and written some of the most influential movies of our time. He gave us the original “Star Wars.” He introduced us to Indiana Jones. He showed us the dystopia of “THX-1138.” And he scarred us indelibly by … Continue reading "Episode 244 – American Graffiti (1973)"
Hear, o noble-formerly-known-as-Prince, of the tale of Flingdor and his travels through the dark lands of Genectigazoink with his noble companion Skinamarinkadinkydink and his magic plorfdamper as they seek the mystic Dingus-Thingy that only the Choosened One can find to defeat the evil Blorfhamper and his dread army of tap-dancing Death Clams!
Ok, yes, the 80’s brought us more than a few . . . questionable fantasy movies (I’m looking at you, “Deathstalker” series) but it also brought some surprisingly enduring ones, including one that Mike has chosen for this “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” series. Yes, I confess, my youth has been missing a pretty serious fragment in that I, Max, had never seen “The Neverending Story” . . . until now. Is it an enduring movie? Check Season 3 of “Stranger Things” if you don’t think so (you know the episode I mean). So, what did I think? Did I enjoy it? I hope you know, because I can’t remember. Good thing we recorded it. Does Mike think it holds up? Does the scene in the Swamps of Sadness still wring hearts? Hop aboard your Racing Snail and give a listen!
Poll question: what movie that you saw as a child still makes you feel the same way as an adult?
Howdy, howdy, howdy! Yipee kay yo kay yay! Yeeee-haw! Other Western expressions! Why? Because this week’s entry in our “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” series is, you guessed it, a Western. Sort of. Kind of. It’s complicated. But however you shellack your Stetson (that’s a phrase, isn’t it?), this one’s a classic, the first pairing of Robert Redford and Paul Newman, in a movie penned by William Goldman, the man who brought us “The Princess Bride”. And would you believe it? Mike’s never seen it! So I’ve undertaken to correct this shocking shock of shockness and now he’s watched it! Hooray for me! Buffalo stew and cactus fricassee for everyone! But how did Mike like it? Come to think of it, how did I like it? It’s been forever and a day since I’ve seen it . . . oh lord, how DID I like it? I don’t know! Up is down! Black is white! Papier mâché is Crème Brulé! How can we know what’s true? Actually, that’s pretty easy! Give a listen to this week’s episode and we can all learn and laugh and love together . . . again! Yee haw . . .? Podner?
Poll question: assuming you like Westerns at all, do you have a preference for the old, classic, John Wayne-y Westerns like “Fort Apache” or “The Magnificent Seven” or do you prefer the more recent, grittier Westerns, like “Unforgiven” or “Young Guns” or even “Dances with Wolves”?
Welcome, welcome to our new series . .. which is a sequel to an old series! In fact, it’s a new version of our very first series: “You Haven’t Seen THAT?! Part 2” Yes, once again Mike and I are challenging each other to watch movies that one of us has never seen but we really should have and the fact that we haven’t means we’re fundamentally flawed and bad people and oh god I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m a terrible person what’s WRONG with me . . . ok, ok, it’s fine, we’re fine, I’m fine, we’re all fine here . . . how are you? Well, we’re hoping you all are both fine AND dandy as we kick off this series with Mike’s first pick, revealing my shame: I have never seen the movie “American Pie.” Much to my disappointment, it is not, repeat NOT, a visual representation of the classic Don McLean song (why not? Someone missed a golden opportunity here) but rather a raunchy teen comedy and spawner of a thousand memes (not the kind I left France because of). So, get yourself a slice of apple pie, break out your favorite band camp stories and join us as we discuss the film that brought us the icon that is Stiffler’s Mom!
Poll question: what movie best represents YOU? What movie sums you up?
And so, we come to the close of our “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” series and what a ride it’s been! How can we choose the proper film to close out a series that focuses on memorable dialogue, clever quips, hilarious bon mots and the like? Did we choose a towering classic? No. Did we choose an adaptation from a great work of literature? No, no we did not. Did we choose a film that has left a very clear mark on the cinematic landscape? . . . you know, yes, we kinda did. Keep in mind that “leaving a mark” can mean many different things. It can be a shining monument to a concept or idea. It can be terrible scar that changes the viewer forever. Or it can be an unbelievable, horrendous mess left smeared across the film stock that leaves one shaking one’s head and talking randomly to household plants. Guess which of these definitions fits this week’s movie . . . gee, you didn’t even need to the other two guesses. Yes, this week Mike and I don our hazmat suits and plunge waist-deep into the industrial waste disaster that is Tommy Wiseau’s “The Room,” a baffling cinematic extrusion that has somehow become a twenty-year phenomenon as a cult movie at midnight shows. Does this movie deserve to join the ranks of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” and “Rock and Roll High School”? Is it so-bad-it’s-good or is it just so-bad-that-the-creator-should-be-thrown-in-a-sack-and-beaten-with-reeds? Join us and find out, HANH? Don’t worry about it!
Poll question: what movie did you go into expecting to hate or be bored by but ended up really enjoying?
P.S. In case anyone is interested, this is the source of the tile of this current series: https://youtu.be/_2LqmcjIeMU?t=85
All right, Whiteman von Richington, let’s see the report on the most troublesome fraternity here at Max, Mike; University. Oh my . . . filling the school’s swimming pools with Bumpy Pucks . . . starting a ludicrous podcast series called . . . am I reading this right? “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” . . . sounds communist to me, and I should know: I’m a crusty old Dean! . . . doing in-depth analyses of mindless 1970’s comedy films . . . I’ve seen enough! That’s it! Bumpy House is now on quadruple MK-Ultra mega-codeword probation! I won’t rest until I’ve revoked their charter and had all their members rendered down into glue! I tell you . . . wait, what’s this? A picture of Bumpy? With my WIFE??! What . . . how . . . BUMPY HOOOUUUUSSSE!!!!
Join us as we see how well this 1970’s product of the comedy juggernaut that was National Lampoon holds up 45 years later. Yes, it was John Belushi’s breakout role, made a ton of money, and made Donald Sutherland’s accountant cry himself to sleep at night (find out why) but how problematic is the humor here? And, more importantly for this series, how quotable is it? Grab ten thousand marbles and give a listen!
Poll question: Who is the actor, male or female, that you thought we lost way too soon?
Well, our “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” series is drawing to a close with this, our penultimate episode and wow, we’ve kinda picked a “Whoops-All-Crunchberries” example of a quotable movie, as so dang much of this Abrahams, Zucker and Zucker production is, and has been, quotable. People who’ve never seen the movie quote it! So, we’re discussing it in our podcast. A podcast? What is it? It’s two silly ninnies sitting around talking about movies, but that’s not important right now. Hmmm. Maybe this flick hasn’t aged as well as we thought. Well, once we get clearance from Clarence and make our donation to the Church of Religious Consciousness (donation = boot to the head), we can get underway. How ‘bout some more coffee, Johnny? But, honestly, how well has this movie actually held up? It’s over forty years old; how have the jokes aged? Any awkward moments? Are people still trying to call me Shirley? And who really is pinch-hitting for Pedro Borbon? Give a listen and find out!
Poll question: what is your favorite cinematic “dream team”? What team of actors/writers/directors/whatever, any combination thereof, do you love to see?
Episode 237 – Dumb and Dumber (1994)
Well, hello, good folk! Welcome to another in our “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” series! Michael is just coming into the grand salon . . . oh, do be careful with that long two-by-four you’re balancing on your shoulder, Michael. Wait, don’t turn around! . . . Goodness, glad I ducked or you might have smote me in the noggin. What a silly mishap that would have been! You’d best turn around again and continue on your way . . . heavens to Betsy, you almost struck me in the cranium again with that lumber! What an unfortunate caprice that would have been! Oh, be sure not to step on that banana peel . . . oh no! You have stepped on it! And now you have banana smeared all over your shoe! What a ninny you are, Michael! Thank goodness you didn’t fall! Now, put down that board and help me move this seven-tiered wedding cake over to that table next to all the spilled ball-bearings, and hurry! The Dowager Countess and her retinue will be here any moment. Yes, that’s good, let’s put the cake next to that tureen of piping hot soup there, balanced precariously on that pyramid of priceless crystal goblets . . . there we go, no problems at all! Our fete can commence! Strange, though . . . for some reason all this feels . . . disappointing.
Clearly Mike and I have not mastered the subtleties of wacky physical comedy; give a listen and see if Messrs. James Carey and Jeffrey Daniels make a better go of it in this week’s movie “Dumb and Dumber.” Now, where did I put that crate of badly-packed fireworks and jet fuel-soaked cotton balls . . .?
Poll question: what is the dumbest movie you’ve ever seen? You may have liked it, you might have hated it, but you know it was dumb.
Hello, children. Hello. Welcome to Max, Mike; Storytime. Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin. Today we’re reading a fairy-tale that’s a little different. I haven’t read this “Princess Bride” myself, but I’m sure it’ll be every so much fun. Let’s see, just skim over this, make sure it’s ok for the tiny tots . . . there’s the Most Beautiful Woman in the World. Oh, isn’t that nice? And she meets a Handsome Prince who seems . . oh. Huh. Well, that’s not very nice. Oh, but she’s in love with a nice boy from her farm! That’s nice! And he . . . dies? Wait, I think I read that wrong. There’s a pirate, who’s a good guy? Oh, and an Evil Giant . . . who actually isn’t evil and someone really does die? What? “The Pit of Despair”? “The Machine”?! Ok, boys and girls, Uncle Max isn’t too sure this is such a good story for you to . . . hey, where did you get all those knives? You should be careful! Knives are only for grownups because . . . ow! Why, you little . . . ok, ok, I’ll keep reading, just untie Uncle Mike! Wait, what do you mean “he likes it”? What’s happening here?!
If any movie is quotable, it’s this one. But how does this almost forty-year old film adaptation of a novel that pretends to be an adaptation of a much older (and nonexistent) book hold up? Is it as iconic as people think? Inconceivable! An no, I don’t know what that word means!
Poll question: Who is your favorite athlete turned actor? Or do you think athletes should just stay in their lane?
Ok, man, like, we’ve got another entry in “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” and man, I don’t know, it’s just really . . . y’know? I mean, it’s the Coen brothers, man, there’s beverages involved. You gotta pay attention; life does not start and stop at your convenience, Donnie! So give a listen and find out if there’s a rug that ties this podcast together or if we’re all just stuck in a nihilist world, man. Pour yourself a Caucasian, light up a jay . . . I mean, this is a very complicated movie. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, lotta what-have-yous. And a lotta quotes. So many quotes! So join us or . . . you know, what? F*** it, Mike, let’s go bowling. Ok, we can go bowling AFTER the podcast. Fine, man. Just do me a favor: ease up on the cussin’. Come and abide with us.
Seriously, for many people this movie is a revelation, a way of life or even a fashion choice. The Dude’s iconic outfit resides now in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Museum. Don’t believe me? Behold! Photographic evidence from Mike himself.
Poll question: What’s your favorite cinematic twisty-turny whodunit?
Ahhhhh, my dear detectives! So kind of you all to join us here at our little “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” soiree! We hope you’ve enjoyed the aperitifs and the sparkling conversation because . . . none of you are leaving here alive! Unless, that is, you can solve this mind-manglingly difficult puzzle we know set before you! Ahahahahaha! Yes, to solve this puzzle, you will need to solve a series of deadly challenges, each worse than the one before. In the end, these challenges will help you solve this lethal riddle: what walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in . . . what? Uhhh . .. look, you’re not just supposed to yell out the answer! How could you know?! You haven’t solved any of the deadly challenges! You’re not supposed to . . . yes, yes, you’re right, I need to sit down. Fine. Unbolt the doors, disable the spike traps, lock up the piranha-chickens. Whole evening is just ruined. Get out! Jerks.
This week we bring you a movie that Mike and I have been quoting incessantly for decades, even when begged repeatedly to stop, for the love of all the gods, knock it off. No! Not us! Check out this Neil Simon wacky comedy which lampoons murder mysteries and a number of the most famous literary detectives this side of Nero Wolfe! Does it hold up after almost half a century? And what’s going on with Peter Sellers playing . . . oh, dear . . . well, give a listen and find out.
Poll question: identify a quotable movie with one line that is NOT one of the best known quotes; no “Play it, Sam” or “I don’t think we’re in Kansas any more” or “Inconceivable!”
“To be or not to be . . .”
“Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven!”
“Help! That dingo’s got my baby!”
Ah, classic quotes! We do love them, don’t we? That’s why we here at Max, Mike; Movies have started a brand-new series entitled “Quotes, Unquotes, and Quotes” dedicated to the most quotable movies that we happen to think of at the time. You know, those movies that give us memorable lines that even people who’ve never seen the movie toss around. And we’re starting off with a movie that neither Max nor Mike has ever seen before, Tina Fey’s “Mean Girls” (the movie, not the Broadway show. We haven’t seen either). Join us as we travel back to a time when high school girls could be just awful to each other without the added tools of social media and the internet. Give a listen, see what quotes we scrounged from this, and find out if it is indeed possible to “make ‘fetch’ happen.” P.S. Extra Bumpybux if anyone can identify the origin of the series title!
Poll question: what is your favorite “high school” movie?
Ahem. Hello. Thank you. The Moon. What is it? Merriam-Webster’s dictionary describes the Moon as “the earth’s natural satellite that shines with the sun’s reflected light.” There are many interesting things about the moon. It is 238,000 miles from the earth. Its mass is approximately 7.34 x 1022 kilograms. And, as you all know, it is not a naturally occurring celestial body but rather an artificial megastructure created by aliens. Oh, and it is also hollow and full of extra-testicle, I mean, extra-terrestrial technology, hey, quit laughing, Billy, you know what I meant, shut up! Oh man, my report is ruined and I didn’t even get to the clips from the brilliant Rolland Emmerich documentary “Moonfall” which closes out the “Disaster Porn” series! This isn’t funny, you guys, quit it! This is super important! The aliens might decide to use the moon itself to destroy us! It’s true! My uncle showed me this website, right? Why can’t you . . . what, ma’am? The principal’s office? Right now? Aw, geez . . . .
Poll question: what is your favorite cult movie?
In this, our penultimate “Disaster Porn” episode, we climb the very heights of the skyscraper that is Irwin Allen’s work. Yes, we work our way up the cinematographic staircases of this film, gliding up in the scenic elevators of plot, through the hideously decorated offices of cinematic wonder into the narrative sprinkler system of this work, one of the most successful films of 1974, a film that earned a veritable tower of money before all the money . . . burst into . . . an inferno . . . of profits? Sorry, the metaphor kind of got away from me a bit. This is quite the towering film (in that it is almost three hours long) and a real inferno of talent (in that you can see a number of classic Hollywood legends like Fred Astaire, William Holden, and Jennifer Jones, and watch their careers shrivel and blacken into ash in this movie). We also get to see Paul Newman and Steve McQueen battle to the death over whose eyes are bluer! Also, we can guarantee that this movie is 98% murderer-free! Yes, only one actual murderer we know of is in this movie! Give a listen to find out who, and enjoy the other, non-murdering performers.
Poll question: who was your favorite Hollywood comeback actor? Who do you really like who faded out then reappeared successfully?
George Floyd Memorial Fund: https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/
Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019
Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
. . . and that was “Pony Love” by Bumpy and the Bumptones here on WMMM radio! Now over to Meteorological Max for the weather!
Thanks, Mike, I’m here in Ol’ Choppy, the WMMM weather-eye copter and I gotta tell you folks down on the ground, you are in for one funky commute! What with the desalinization of the North Atlantic Current, we are seeing all kinds of kooky, zany superstorms today. Tornadoes are touching down in midtown, so maybe a good time to bring in those window box plants. Big ‘ol hailstones are falling and concussing random Japanese businessmen on the street! Whoops, fellas, maybe should have stayed a bit later at the office, huh? And, wow, through some sort of scientifically inexplicable reason, super cold air is being drawn down through a big ring of Spielberg Clouds and causing people, buildings, and flags to instantly flash-freeze, so if you’re still getting ready to leave the house, better snag that extra scarf! I’m look down over the New York Public Library and . . . is that . . . yes, it is! There’s Hollywood heartthrob Jake Gyllenhaal trying to outrun the . . . cold, I guess, along with two never-to-be-heard-from-again friends! Good luck, Jake; hope you’ve been keeping up with that cardio! This afternoon’s forecast shows catastrophic flooding and scattered wolves, so leave a little extra time for your drive home, huh? Darn it, it looks like the super-cooled air is freezing the fuel lines of Ol’ Choppy here so we’ll be spiraling in for a crash landing. Mike, be sure to tell the folks how they enter to win a WMMM “I Ol’ Choppy” t-shirt before we go to [static]
If you’re done listening to WMMM’s wacky morning DJs, give a listen to this latest Roland Emmerich-a-licious entry in our “Disaster Porn” series. Pour one out for Ol’ Choppy, won’t you?
Poll question: What is your favorite documentary?
George Floyd Memorial Fund: https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/
Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019
Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of mighty ship
That got hit by a massive wave and over it did flip
Gene Hackman was the preacher man
And Bognine was a cop
Just how could they escape that ship
When the bottom was the top?
The bottom was the top.
The stars, they started dying off
Which ones, we shall reveal,
So, Shelly Winters swam real far
And Linda climbed in heels.
Yes, how’d she climb in heels?
So, join “Poseidon Adventure,”
An Irwin Allen treat.
With Max and Mike and Bumpy,
Our crew is now complete.
Here on Max, Mike; Movies Isle!
(Hey, we could have an isle; you don’t know!)
Poll question: Do you like your disaster porn intimate (one vehicle/building) or gigantic/planetary?
George Floyd Memorial Fund: https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/
Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019
Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
It’s a rare occurrence where an event occurs that a piece of “Disaster Porn” predicted and described but just within the past week, scientists as the University of Peking released findings saying that the core of the planet Earth (you know the one) was slowing down and could possibly reverse direction. Well, here at Max, Mike; Movies, we are nothing if not relevant so we are discussing the eerily prescient 2003 cinematic prognostication “The Core,” director, nay, prophet Jon Amiel’s almost Nostradamus-like speculation on what would happen if such a thing actually happened. And now just look at us: surely, famous landmarks are bursting into lighting-explosions, common urban birds have developed the super-avian strength needed to crash through safety glass, and Stanley Tucci is wearing a wild hairpiece . . . huh . . . uh, maybe “Nostradamus-like” is a little bit . . . much. Give a listen and see how much (if anything) this movie got right (spoiler alert: however much you think it got right? It’s less than that).
Think I’m kidding about the event actually happening? Check this out:
https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/25/world/earth-core-turning-scli-scn-intl/index.html
Poll question: who’s your favorite cinematic giant monster? Godzilla? King Kong? The Host?
George Floyd Memorial Fund: https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/
Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019
Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
Look at these foolish humans, K’lxfthmrq’zzz’tingting! See how they wallow in their foolish podcasts and their foolish so-called “Disaster Porn!” What foolish fools they are! Truly, they make my humor nodules harmonize most emphatically! How little they realize their peril as we prepare our Sinestron warriors in their Devestatrix ships to rain destruction down upon this miserable planet so that we may plunder their precious clam beds! Oh, how my humor nodules . . . wait! How did a human get aboard our EssEffEx mothership, through our Plot-holium hull?! Curse our need for human-sized door-portals! No! Human! Get away from that easily-recognizable Destroy-All-Antagonists button! It’s made of pure Narrativeconvencium! Noooooooooo!
Floop
Yes, this week we’re checking out what may be Roland “That Blowed Up Real Good!” Emmerich’s greatest creation (take that for what it’s worth) “Independence Day” or “ID4” as the kids say. It’s got all you need: stereotypical old Jewish men, Randy Quaid playing himself, creepy not-really-Gigeresque-aliens, strippers, wise-cracking fighter pilots, very recognizable landmarks going BOOM, and Jeff Goldblum just Jeff Goldbluming the whole place up. Join us for the end of the world as we know it, because Mike and I both feel fine.
Poll question: Who is your favorite cinematic action hero character, male or female?
George Floyd Memorial Fund: https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/
Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019
Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
Hide the pets! Sell the children! It’s another in our “Disaster Porn” series and this one is from that groovy, swinging era that got it all started, the 70’s! Far out, man! This one is “Earthquake”, man, and it’s too cool, you turkeys! Dig it! We ain’t fakin’! Whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on! No, they did NOT use that Jerry Lee Lewis hit as the haunting love theme for “Earthquake”, which was a big mistake on their part. They missed out on that whole marrying-an-underage-cousin demographic (ooo, too soon?). This movie has it all: property destruction, nervous sheep, Ava Gardner, Lorne Green, savage high-voltage cables, George “Something’s Going to Blow Up Real Soon” Kennedy, senseless loss of bovine life, Victoria Principal (who probably needed a separate trailer for her hair), and Charlton Heston. And if you want his wife, you’ll have to pry her from his cold, dead hands . . . ew, that’s a lot worse in this movie’s context. Pull up a Richter scale and join us for this tale of everyday life on Los Angeles!
Poll question: what is your favorite cinematic hand-to-hand fight scene, with or without melee weapons? No guns allowed!
George Floyd Memorial Fund: https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/
Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019
Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
Welcome to our new series: “Disaster Porn”! Why? Because everyone loves porn! And everyone loves disasters! (don’t question me about either of those statements, dammit). So we thought, why not combine two great tastes . . . or two really horrible tastes, if you’re more “reasonable,” and do a series about it. Because, come on, isn’t there some part of you that agrees with Homer Simpson when he’s watching a series of Drivers Ed films that depict horrific, bloody accidents: “Hee hee! It’s funny because I don’t know them!” So, buckle up for big dose of schadenfreude! This week’s entry is a disaster on a number of levels: 2017’s “Geostorm” starring Gerard Butler. No, that’s not a typo. Apparently, Mr. Butler needed his summer house re-shingled or something, because he helped produce this cinematic bolus about a global weather-control satellite system that goes horribly (or delightfully) wrong and rains down world-wide weather calamities (see what I did there with the weather pun? Of course you did. I’ll see myself out). So slip into an easy-to-wear spacesuit and join us to find out if this one is an unintentional delight or a true disaster. And remember: Dutch Boy will save us!
Poll question: what disaster movie plot do you find the most unbelievable?
George Floyd Memorial Fund: https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/
Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019
Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
So, we come to the close of our “Monochrome” series, movies that were made back when the world was all in black-and-white, and we’re finishing up with a movie that is often considered a classic of science fiction. But is it? Is it REALLY? Or is that simply what our alien overlords WANT us to think? Get away from me, Mike! You think that just because we’re not doing our “Conspiracy!” series anymore that you can silence me? Never! Listen to me, sheeple! They’re here! The aliens are here! Influencing our actions! Controlling our societies! Contaminating our precious bodily fluids! It’s true . . . dammit, get off me, let go of my keyboard! They have to know! Keep watching the skies! You’re next! I am your father! Multipass! E.T. phone home! Imperial battlecruiser, stop the flow of time! All will be revealed in this week’s podcast episode! I will not be silenced! Bumpy is one of Them!
Poll question: what cinematic disaster scenario is the most frightening for you? Volcanos erupting? Tidal waves? Meteors? Bees?
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Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
What’s that you say, Clarence? You’ve come to me as we near the end of our “Monochrome” series to show me what my life would be like if Bumpy had never been born? Wow . . . what a gift. Maybe this is what it’ll take to get me accept that pony into my life . . . what’s that, there? They’ve invented a new Academy Award for Best Talking About Movies? And I would have won it four years in a row?! Wow, but what about the . . . wait, is that me accepting the Nobel Peace Prize for bringing peace to the Middle East?! And while I’m accepting that, my Medal of Freedom is being accepted for me by my wife . . . Scarlett Johansson?!! Um, gee, Clarence, you’ve sure given me a lot to think about. Uh, no reason but I’m just curious: this is what would have happened if Bumpy had never been born. If he, I don’t know, died suddenly, like, accidentally fell into a woodchipper or whatever, SOME of this stuff could still happen, right? I mean, not all of it, sure, but . . . Clarence? Clarence, where’d you go? Hey, my mouth’s bleeding again. Wow. Maybe it was all a dream . . . but just out of curiosity . . . huh, you actually can buy wood chippers on Amazon. Isn’t that interesting . . . while I’m checking on prices, why don’t you give a listen to Mike and me, as we chat about this enduring holiday classic. Ooo, free shipping . . .
Poll question: What is your favorite holiday movie? It can be any holiday!
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ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/
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Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
Oh no! Mike! This week’s episode of our “Monochrome” series is due to go up and we haven’t discussed any movies! We’re in hot water for sure! Quick, I’ll disguise myself as a strolling violinist while you put on this sailor suit and pretend to be an eight-year-old boy looking for his mommy! Then we’ll sneak into the boss’ hotel room and smear mayonnaise on all his neckties; he’ll be so upset that he’ll forget all about the podcast episode! It’s flawless! C’mon, c’mon we don’t have . . . what do you mean, “we don’t have a boss”? What do you mean, “you can’t pass as eight years old”? Look, we’re doing a zany, screwball comedy thing this week in honor of Billy Wilder’s “Some Like It Hot” so don’t bother me with your pesky notions of “reality”! If Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis can pass as women in the 1920’s, you can be a convincing eight-year-old boy in a sailor suit. That’s just basic logic! Now, help me load this life-sized stuffed giraffe into this Mini Cooper . . . don’t ask questions, it’s essential to the plan. What’s that noise . . . oh no! It’s the Pope! Quick, hide! And the rest of you: quick, listen!
Poll question: is the trope of men dressing up as women still funny? Has it just become problematic?
George Floyd Memorial Fund: https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/
Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019
Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
Well, as you might guess, we’re serving up this week’s edition of “Monochrome” with just a touch . . . OF EVIL! Oh yes, we can tell how surprised you are; you didn’t expect us to serve up our usually tasty podcast with just a hint, perhaps a smattering, nay, just a touch . . . OF EVIL! Cut me some slack, I never realized how much fun it is to add “… OF EVIL!” to the end of every sentence. Mike may have subtly hinted that I was overdoing it, what with all the throwing of horseshoes at my head and such. But massive head injuries aside, this week’s entry is an intriguing cinematic bit of film noir involving a possibly crooked police captain, played by Orson Welles, and a Mexican narcotics agent, played by noted Mexican actor . . . Charleton Heston? Ummm . . . are we sure this one didn’t belong in our “Whitewashing” series? Well, regardless, you’ll only get Charleton’s unconvincing magic-markered mustache away from him when you pry it from his cold, dead upper lip. Which, ew. We’ve also got Janet Leigh, who has learned nothing about checking into an isolated motel from her experience in “Psycho”, Dennis Weaver, at his twitchiest, Zsa Zsa Gabor, at her barely-there-iest, and . . . Marlene Dietrich, at her “what the heck are you doing in this movie, Ms. Dietrich”-iest. Seriously, spoiler alert, but watching Orson Welles act alongside Marlene . . . well, that should have been the whole movie. But it isn’t, so is it worth watching anyway? Hurry and give a listen because I’m not feeling so hot right now. I might be coming down with a touch . . . OF EVIL! (I’ll stop now).
Poll question: Orson Welles: yea or nay? As actor or director, do you like him or is he over-rated?
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ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/
Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019
Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
More “Monochrome”-y goodness this week . . . well, when I say “goodness,” that may give you the wrong idea. Not in terms of quality but in terms of general tone and atmosphere. We’re checking out a not-widely-seen film called “The Lighthouse” and apparently no one told the director that you could do movies in color or in widescreen (sshhh . . . don’t tell him, he’ll only get upset). Or maybe the director just couldn’t afford color; the budget must have been tiny, as he could really only get two actors for speaking parts! So, good for you, Mr. Director, for making the best with what you had! Seriously, it’s pretty interesting to see what a modern director does with the black-and-white medium. But does it work? Can a modern monochromatic film hold our interest? Mike needs lots of bright colors to keep his attention and I need lots of seagulls to keep me interested in a movie. Fortunately, one of us gets what we need in this movie. Give a listen and find out which one!
Poll question: what children’s movie should under no circumstances be shown to children you actually like?
George Floyd Memorial Fund: https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd
ACLU: https://www.aclu.org/
Black Lives Matter: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019
Southern Poverty Law Center: https://donate.splcenter.org/
The rain was pounding down hard on the City of Beans, the kind of rain that can almost scrub the filth off the streets . . . but not quite. My partner and I were sitting in our office, staring at our agency name backwards on the glass door: sevitceteD; ekiM, xaM when suddenly . … Continue reading "Episode 219 – The Maltese Falcon (1941)"
Thanks for joining us here in the land of light and shadow, our series on black-and-white movies called “Monochrome.” I mean, the series is called “Monochrome,” the movies all have their own titles. I think. Maybe there’s a movie called “Monochrome” and I just forgot . . . it seems like I forget so many … Continue reading "Episode 218 – Gaslight (1944)"
Hello there, young ‘uns! Us folk here at Max, Mike; Movies got us a brand spanking new series, by cracky! And this time we’re doing PROPER movies, GOOD movies, made the RIGHT way, the way they USED TO MAKE ‘EM before all this new-fangled nonsense showed up. Yup, just like everyone secretly wants but no … Continue reading "Episode 217 – The Third Man (1949)"
[threatening music, sinister, menacing voice] Mike wants to be your Manchurian candidate. But what do we really know about this so-called “Mike”? Is that even his real name? And is he really his own man, or is he just a puppet for the sinister “Bumpy” cabal? On election day, don’t put your fate in the … Continue reading "Episode 216 – The Manchurian Candidate (1962)"
Welcome to Big Max and Big Mike’s House O’ Condors! Due to an ordering mishap that is entirely Mike’s fault (which is why he is currently the one wearing the Kooky Kondor suit), we’ve got WAY to much inventory in our condor warehouse! But our loss is your gain as we’re instituting Condor Days! That’s … Continue reading "Episode 215 – Three Days of the Condor (1975)"
Hello again, dear listeners . . . if that really IS your name . . . to another in our “Conspiracy!” series! This week we’re discussing Barry Levinson’s 1997 opus “Wag the Dog” an utterly out-there, absurdist, nonsensical black comedy based on the completely laughable concept that politics is based almost entirely on perception and … Continue reading "Episode 214 – Wag the Dog (1997)"
Welcome back to another in our “Conspiracy!” series, and this week, our movie takes on the Big One, one of the major conspiracy theories of the last hundred years . . . of course, I’m talking about Kennedy. That’s right, this movie offers its take on what really happened with the popular MTV VJ from … Continue reading "Episode 213 – JFK (1991)"
Hi. Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, keep driving, eyes on the road! Don’t turn around; you don’t want to let Them know we’re in the back seat. Look, Mike and I have taken a real risk breaking into your car to let you know the truth about who’s really running things. People have … Continue reading "Episode 212 – Conspiracy Theory (1997)"
Welcome to another episode of “You and Your Compost Heap,” the podcast that discusses all things related to home composting! We’re continuing our 45-part series “Citrus Peels: The Devil’s Addition” and hoo-boy, this one’s a real hum-dinger . . . Ok, that should do it; anyone listening in should be asleep by now, but it … Continue reading "Episode 211 – The Conversation (1974)"
Welcome back to our series “Movies That Finally Tell You The Truth About All That Stuff You Can’t Prove Is True But Really, Really Think SHOULD Be True” . . . or, more briefly, “Conspiracy!” This entry is “Capricorn One”, a movie about NASA faking a landing on Mars that has the unfortunate distinction of … Continue reading "Episode 210 – Capricorn One (1978)"
On the surface, it would seem that we’re starting a new series. Maybe, to the untrained eye, this new series is called “Conspiracy!” and focuses on movies that involve so-called conspiracy theories, nefarious plots spun out by the so-called government . . . or maybe that’s just what They WANT you to think! Wake up, … Continue reading "Episode 209 – Enemy of the State (1998)"
Alas, we have come to the end of our “Focus On – Viola Davis” series; farewell, Ms. Davis and thank you for making us laugh at love . . . again. Well, maybe not so much laugh as stare open-mouthed at your ability. And lest you think that Viola Davis only appears in gritty, serious, … Continue reading "Episode 208 – The Suicide Squad (2021)"
Widows. A tragic word. There are so many kinds of widows. Black widows. Grass widows. Golf widows. But this week we’re interested only in movies called “Widows” starring Viola Davis. Yes, we are nothing if not highly specific here at Max, Mike; Movies as we continue with our highly specific series “Focus On – Viola … Continue reading "Episode 207 – Widows (2018)"
We’ve got the blues here at Max, Mike; Movies. Not because of our series “Focus On: Viola Davis,” because Ms. Davis could never give us the blues. No, we’ve got that movie-podcasting blues, the kind where you’ve got the blues so bad, you just want to find the most annoying pony you can find and … Continue reading "Episode 206 – Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom (2020)"
Well, we’ve been focusing on specific actors for the last couple of series . . . so we’re going to do it again! It’s so predictable, they’ll never expect it! This time we’re focusing on the multiple Oscar-nominated performer Viola Davis (who is NOT, I just found out, the inventor of the stringed instrument of … Continue reading "Episode 205 – The Help (2011)"
“Looooothy!! What crazy hijinks you up to now, huh? Did you go and super-evolve your brain and develop god-like powers on the night I’m bringing Caesar Romero over for dinner?”“Waaaaahhhh, Rickyyyyy! I went and perpetuated a false scientific theory that’s been disproved multiple times! Waaaahhhh!!!” Now THAT would have been a film for the ages … Continue reading "Episode 204 – Lucy (2014)"
Welcome to our penultimate “Focus on: Scarlett Johansson” episode! This one’s a rough night! No, I’m fine, why do you ask? No, last night was fine . . . there’s no problem. What drinking? I meant the MOVIE is called . . . why are you all here sitting in a circle on folding chairs? … Continue reading "Episode 203 – Rough Night (2017)"
Another in our series “Focus on: Scarlett Johansson”! Ok, “Ghost World” may have been her breakout film but this week’s entry . . . is also seen as her breakout film. Because who says you only get one breakout film? Well, if you do, you should be ashamed of yourself! Here at Max, Mike; Movies … Continue reading "Episode 202 – Lost in Translation (2003)"
Welcome, welcome to another brand new series (this one has no Bat-folk in it; we hope you’re not too disappointed): “Focus On: Scarlett Johansson.” Yes, we’re doing another short series focusing on the works of one particular performer, in this case the aforementioned Ms. Johansson. An acclaimed drama, comedy, and action star, the face of … Continue reading "Episode 201 – Ghost World (2001)"
Citizens, we commend you on your fortitude, courage and strength of character: you have stuck with us through all four parts of our commentary about His Royal Batness (sidenote: most people don’t know that was the nickname Prince was originally going to use. It’s true. Trust us. Don’t bother to look it up). In this … Continue reading "Episode 200 – Batman IS a Wonderful Toy! And Also Very Pale (Chapter 4)"
Well, we hope all our old chums are hanging on to their bat-ropes as we charge ahead into the third part of our 200th episode (don’t ask me how math works). In this one we move from the last of the Burton-esque Batman movies, including the one that sank the franchise, as well as the … Continue reading "Episode 200 – Batman, Animated and Live! (Chapter 3)"
Holy multi-part-episode! It’s part two of our 200th episode here at Max, Mike; Movies! It’s still episode 200 and we’re still talking about the Man of Bats; in this segment we’re talking about the Batman’s first animated appearances in such classics as “SuperFriends” (in all it’s many, many . . . MANY incarnations) as well … Continue reading "Episode 200 – Batman And His Wonderful Toys (Chapter 2)"
What’s this? Our dyspeptic duo has actually produced two hundred episodes? Our Cape-less Crusaders have bivouacked a burgeoning bicentennial of cinematic barbs? Holy milestone! An event like this must have a worthy subject, something grand, something spanning decades, something like . . . a guy who dresses up like a flying Chiroptera and beats up … Continue reading "Episode 200 (Part 1) – Batman, Batman, Batman!"
And we come to the end of our “Focus on: John Cusack” series and a short but wild ride it’s been. Wasn’t “High Fidelity” cool? Didn’t you just love Lloyd Dobler as a character? Wasn’t the Savannah setting in “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil” intriguing? Yeah . . . welp, that about … Continue reading "Episode 199: Singularity (2017)"
And here we are, thundering along in our series “Focus On: John Cusack” with a thundering new thunderous episode featuring “High Fidelity.” Thunderously. Check out this throwback involving Mr. Cusack as a character who owns some business called a “record store” where he sells some sort of ancient music format involving pressed disks made of … Continue reading "Episode 198: High Fidelity (2000)"
I do declare, this series “Focus On: John Cusack” is giving me the vapors! Someone fetch me a mint julep and an invisible dog! Lord, these flies on their leashes are just everywhere. I do so love those Georgia Bulldogs. And peaches. And, um, sweet iced tea . . . ok, I’m running out of … Continue reading "Episode 197: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (1997)"
Leapin’ Lizards! It’s a brand-spanking-new series! (A spanking! A spanking!) Can your heart stand it? If not, please consult your physician, because we’re worried about you. This time we’re focusing on a selection from the body of work of a specific actor in three separate econo-series; Mike has chosen the first one, I’ll choose the … Continue reading "Episode 196: Say Anything (1989)"
Hey, hey, we’re Max, Mike; Movies!/ and people say we Max, Mike; Movies around/But we’re too busy talking about movies/to put anybody down! Hmm . . . ok, maybe that would work better for some other endeavor . . . I dunno, maybe something in the music industry? I should check with Don Kirchner… Yes, … Continue reading "Episode 195: Head (1968)"
You know, it’s been a hard podcast series, this “Ladies and Gentlemen… the Beatles!” and Mike and I have working like a pair of canids. We really should be sleeping like a couple of solid chunks of firewood but instead, we find that when we get home, well, we feel all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah! … Continue reading "Episode 194: A Hard Day’s Night (1964)"
Well, we’ve been mucking about with some obscure band named after a mis-spelled bug in our series “Ladies and Gentlemen . . . the Beatles!” but now we’re getting to the real deal, a documentary that covers perhaps the greatest, most famous band in all the universe: the Rutles. Who can forget how merely the … Continue reading "Episode 193: The Rutles: All You Need is Cash (1978)"
For this week’s entry in our “Ladies and Gentlemen … the Beatles!” series we have yet another Beatles jukebox movie, similar in some sense to last week’s “Across the Universe,” in that it has a number of characters whose names are taken from Beatles songs (Billy Sheers, Mr. Kite, the Hendersons, Strawberry Fields and many, … Continue reading "Episode 192: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978)"
Well, now I’m sorry I used up all the dopey Beatles song references in the entry for “Help!” because if any movie invites them, it’s “Across the Universe.” This Beatles jukebox movie is from director Julie Taymor, perhaps best known as the director of the Broadway version of “The Lion King”. Filled with some . … Continue reading "Episode 191: Across the Universe (2007)"
Now we come to a rather disturbing entry in our “Ladies and Gentlemen . . . the Beatles!” series. “Yesterday” asks the question: what if nearly everyone on Earth forgot that Herman’s Hermits ever existed? It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s just a movie, please don’t panic. We really didn’t mean to trigger anyone . . … Continue reading "Episode 190: Yesterday (2019)"
And here we are with the second episode in our series “Ladies and Gentlemen . . . the Beatles!” and I’m guessing most of you are asking yourselves: was Freda the quiet Beatle or the cute Beatle? Well, you’re both wrong (both of our listeners!) because (brace yourself for a shock) none of the Beatles … Continue reading "Episode 189: Good Ol’ Freda (2013)"
Welcome, our most groovy listeners! Let us take you down to Strawberry Fields, via Penny Lane; hey, Jude, you’re falling behind! Are you not feeling well? Do you need a little help from your friends? Should we call Dr. Robert? Do you want to hold my hand as we go? As you may have guessed … Continue reading "Episode 188: Help! (1965)"
And so we come to the close of our “Now Streaming in a Room Near You” series, and what a wild ride it’s been. Yes? No? Anyone? I know I said last week’s episode was the last in our series; I’m sorry, I just had to throw THEM off my trail. You understand. Well, we’re … Continue reading "Episode 187: CODA (2021)"
Welcome to the final episode in our “Now Streaming in a Room Near You” series. This week, “Finch” asks the question: “Hey, remember how great Tom Hanks was in that movie when he was all alone except for a deflated volleyball? And he talked to it and stuff? Well how great would it be if … Continue reading "Episode 186: Finch (2021)"
Hey, welcome! Glad you’ve chosen Max, Mike; Movies as your real estate agency! We’ve got a great little property to show you this week: it’s one of our “Now Streaming in a Room Near You” models and it’s a real steal. Location? Just the best: right in the South of France! I know, right? How … Continue reading "Episode 185: The Deep House (2021)"
Gentles!We pray you now, to our podcast give ear,Sweet Apple offers Shakespeare to us here!Denzel will don the mantle of the ScotA king, but every inch? I’faith, ‘tis not!The Brothers Coen now split, one stands aloneTo build a castle hewed from filmic stone.His goodly wife McDormand treads the boardsA wondrous soundtrack, movie full well-scored!Join Mike … Continue reading "Episode 184: The Tragedy of Macbeth (2021)"
The first rule of Bruno: we do not talk about Bruno. Second rule of Bruno: we do not. Talk. About Bruno. However, everyone should feel free to sing about Bruno and engage in complex and elaborate dance numbers about Bruno. Everyone clear on that? Good. Then we can get on with this week’s “Now Streaming … Continue reading "Episode 183: Encanto (2021)"
Looootheee! We got another podcast episode to do in the “Now Streaming to a Room Near You” series! How could you let Bumpy write the script?! Ponies can’t use keyboards! You got some ‘splainin’ to do! Waaahhhhh, Ricky! I didn’t have time to write it myself! Ethel and I invested all our money in Bumpybux … Continue reading "Episode 182: Being the Ricardos (2021)"
Episode 181: Don’t Look Up (2021) Max, Mike; Movies: a name you can trust. A name that shares your values. A name that means honesty. Freedom. Decency. Family. [insert additional focus-group approved positive emotional trigger words end-subroutine]. And in our series “Now Streaming to a Room Near You”, in these trying times, we know you … Continue reading "Episode 181: Don’t Look Up (2021)"
Great googly moogly, it’s time for a brand-new series! My, how the time flies . . . dragging us along, one moment moving inexorably to another . . . drawing us ever-nearer to the moment of our own death. What’s got me so cheery? Why, it’s our new series “Now Streaming to a Room Near … Continue reading "Episode 180: Swan Song (2021)"
Ah, heavy metals! While fans often appreciate the whole spectrum, everyone’s got their favorite. Some will fight to the death for the supremacy of Erbium, while others are ride or die for Niobium or Dysprosium. Sure, some folks will flirt with Palladium or Osmium, but everyone eventually agrees on the uses of Lead and Molybdenum. … Continue reading "Episode 179: Heavy Metal (1981)"
How many times has this happened to you? You’re walking down the street, enjoying the day when blammo! Your head explodes! Don’t you just hate that? Some darn Scanner just decided to ruin your day by using their superhuman psionic abilities to make your head burst open! Oh rats! But now there’s Scan-Be-Gone, the miracle … Continue reading "Episode 178: Scanners (1981)"
We’re still here in “That Sure Was 1981”, and what were all the kids into in the early 1980’s? Mullets? Lycra? Rubix Cubes? Well, sadly, yes, but we really hip people know that what the youngsters went gaga over was ancient Greek mythology! Woo! Remember those epic street battles over Hesiod vs Homer? All those … Continue reading "Episode 177: Clash of the Titans (1981)"
[Deep, impressive movie trailer voice]: Now. In “That Sure Was 1981.” Two men. One restaurant. One dinner. Two hours of pulse-pounding, mind-shattering . . . conversation! They’re breaking all the rules . . . of cinema! When everyone else said “things have to happen in a movie,” these two men dared to say no! Wallace … Continue reading "Episode 176: My Dinner With Andre (1981)"
Once again, welcome to our deep-dive into the wild wooly winsome world of “That Sure Was 1981.” Herein, forthwith, and wakka-wakka, we discuss the Bill Murray comedy from Ivan “I Did Ghostbusters! Yay me!” Reitman. Bill, along with his buddy (at the time) Harold Ramis, plunge into the rich mine of comedy that is all-volunteer … Continue reading "Episode 175: Stripes (1981)"
In our latest episode of “That Sure Was 1981” we’re taking on a movie from . . . 1981! Ha! Bet you didn’t see that coming! What an unexpected twist, what a thrill ride! This short of shocking stuff is par for the course in Brian De Palma’s “Blow Out.” And what’s the big twist … Continue reading "Episode 174: Blow Out (1981)"
Here we are, still in “That Sure Was 1981” (because Mike was a spoilsport and said we shouldn’t do 1781 just because “movies hadn’t been invented yet” or some nonsense). This week’s entry comes from the . . . unique mind of Terry Gilliam, a movie that would set the tone for . . . … Continue reading "Episode 173: Time Bandits (1981)"
Ahhh, Dr. Jones! So nice that you could join me at my evil table! Pull up an evil chair and have a tall cold glass of evil, brought to you by our most evil waiter. As we enjoy this evil breeze, let me welcome you to the latest series at Max, Mike; Evil . . … Continue reading "Episode 172: Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)"
Now we come to the final episode in our “I Made From TV Love You!” series. And what TV show-turned-movie are we discussing? Wait, “Hello, Larry: the Movie”? That can’t be right! I thought so! This episode is wearing a mask! Let’s see who this movie really is! {rip!} All together: Old Man “Scooby-Doo: the … Continue reading "Episode 171: Scooby-Doo: the Movie (2002)"
Max and Mike, accused of a crime they didn’t commit: the murder of an innocent podcast. Seen fleeing the scene was a mysterious one-legged pony (seen not so much fleeing as hopping away in a very suspicious manner). Now Max and Mike must travel the country, seeking out this pony to clear their names, pursued … Continue reading "Episode 170: The Fugitive (1993)"
Welcome, young listeners! Today’s lesson is that it’s nice to be nice! Isn’t that nice? Now watch us blow things up but somehow not actually hurt anyone! Hurrah! Lashings of ginger beer for everyone! So this week’s episode of “I Made From TV Love You!” is about a movie based on delightful 80’s children’s cartoon: … Continue reading "Episode 169: Masters of the Universe (1987)"
Good afternoon, Mr. or Ms. Listener (and all the ships at sea). Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to listen to very special after-school episode of “I Made From TV Love You!” The movie you see before us is “Mission: Impossible,” the 1996 adaptation of yet another classic 60’s spy show that … Continue reading "Episode 168: Mission: Impossible (1996)"
Good morning, angelic listeners! We’re serving up another tasty tv dinner of “I Made From TV Love You!” And what will you find when you peel back the aluminum foil? Why, right there, next to the tater tots, is “Charlie’s Angels,” from director McG (no, he’s not McDonald’s new Happy Director Meal . . . … Continue reading "Episode 167: Charlie’s Angels (2000)"
Don’t touch that dial! We’ve got another episode of “I Made From TV Love You!”, movies spawned by the small screen! Ah, the Cold War. What riches it provided. The space race. The arms race. The Red Scare that turned neighbor against neighbor. The looming fear of nuclear annihilation. And the good things to come … Continue reading "Episode 166: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)"
Back again for more, are you? Well, we’ll soon fix that! This week, we’re hip-deep in “I Made From TV Love You!”, the series about movies inspired by their small-screen counterparts. And this week . . . ah, Jay Ward. You fine animator, you. You gave us so much. Rock and Bullwinkle. Dudley Do-right. Mr. … Continue reading "Episode 165: George of the Jungle (1997)"
In the mid-1960’s, a television program appeared that would profoundly change the medium of tv, science fiction, American popular culture, and even scientific exploration. Its influence is still felt today among its legions of fans, who range from “devoted” to “psychotic.” I’m speaking of course of 1965’s “My Mother The Car,” starring Jerry Van Dyke. … Continue reading "Episode 164: Star Trek (2009)"
Holy cathode ray tubes! It’s a brand-new series here on “Max, Mike; Movies”! This time we’re checking out creations for the big screen that had their origins on the small screen. No, not on your phone, I’m talking about television . . . although recent technological and social changes really have redefined what the term … Continue reading "Episode 163: The Addams Family (1991)"
And now we arrive at the end of our series “I’d Forgotten How Much I Hate Time Travel”! Or perhaps we’re just at the beginning . . . no, no, we’re really not. Mike and I have now remembered just how much we do hate time travel and we’re quite done with it. But not … Continue reading "Episode 162: Back to the Future (1985)"
Welcome! Well, we still haven’t forgotten how much we hate time travel but maybe we will forget once the timeline changes! Again! For the first or last time! But this week, we’re checking out another time travel epic from 2014 (a big year for time travel movie, as last week’s entry can support) “Edge of … Continue reading "Episode 161: Edge of Tomorrow (2014)"
Hey there, true believers! It’s our pulse-pounding penultimate pulchritudinous package of “I’d Forgotten How Much I Hate Time Travel” limited edition, foil-covered mini-series! And we’re dealing with an entry in that Merry Mutant Marching Society “X-Men: Days of Future Past.” Excelsior! ‘nuff said! Other catch phrases! Why this one, Lissome Listeners? Because this X-Magnum Opus … Continue reading "Episode 160: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)"
Welcome back to another in our non-linear, temporally unfixed series “I’d Forgotten How Much I Hate Time Travel”! This week’s entry is “Looper,” the story of a young commercial airline pilot who refuses to give up his dream of constantly flying his plane in loop-the-loops, to the dismay of the stodgy airline “establishment,” as well … Continue reading "Episode 159: Looper (2012)"
“Poogaloo, the Singing Pangolin” will not be heard tonight so we can bring you the following special presentation, brought to you commercial free and in living (auditory) color. We’re interrupting our current time-travel series for this extra-ultra-mega-super-lifesize-retcin-free episode where Mike and I partake in a classic piece of Americana: the Drive-In Movie! What with living … Continue reading "Special Episode: Let’s Go To the Drive-In!"
We’ve got another episode in our “I’d Forgotten How Much I Hate Time Travel” series. So far we’ve seen time travel mechanisms in the form of weird rotating portals, self-storage lockers and even phone booths. So the obvious next phase in this progression is . . . a hot tub? Because sure, why not. In … Continue reading "Episode 158: Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)"
Continuing in our careful study of spatio-temporal mechanics as depicted in popular cinematic culture, we come to one of the more intriguing scholarly examples from the late nineteen-eighties. We have before us a meticulously researched opus on the fixed-timeline theory as regards the practical uses of temporal adjustment technology vis a vis academic research as … Continue reading "Episode 157: Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)"
Welcome to this week’s installment of “I’d Forgotten How Much I Hate Time Travel”! Or, if you’re stuck in a causality loop, welcome back to this week’s installment. Or you will be welcome to this week’s installment when it arrives sometime in your future. Again. To paraphrase Calvin, time travel weirds language. This week’s example … Continue reading "Episode 156: Primer (2004)"
Welcome to a brand new series here at Max, Mike; Movies. We’re starting “I’d Forgotten How Much I Hate Time Travel” this week . . . or maybe we started it years into the future and it’s only arriving at this point in the timestream, or timecreek, or timepuddle, right now. But when is now? … Continue reading "Episode 155: Tenet (2020)"
Well it’s been a long, awkward trip but we’ve arrived at the end of our journey through “Whitewashing,” watching Hollywood repeatedly embarrass itself, and us by casting white actors as non-white characters. And we close with a doozy, the winner of the coveted Golden Turkey Award for “Most Racially Insensitive Portrayal By A White Person … Continue reading "Episode 154: Teahouse of the August Moon (1956)"
From white people playing Chicanos, we wind our way back to white people playing Asian people here in our penultimate “Whitewashing” episode with Tony Randall as the inscrutable, many-faced, many-accented Dr. Lao. Yes, THAT Tony Randall, of “Odd Couple” fame. Just the guy to play an aged Chinese gentleman, wouldn’t you say? This movie is … Continue reading "Episode 153: The Seven Faces of Dr. Lao (1964)"
Wilkomen, meine Freundinnen und Freunde, to another edition of “Hollywood, What Were You Thinking?” also known as “Whitewashing,” where we watch white actors embarrass themselves, and us, as they try to play non-white characters. This week, we move to an example of the “gang movie” oeuvre of the 70’s, with Robby “Sure, I Can Play … Continue reading "Episode 152: Walk Proud (1979)"
Welcome to another episode of “Whitewashing”! Kind of surprising how many of the movies we’ve discussed are comparatively recent, hm? Might make one question how much progress we’ve made. But this one is . . . a bit odd. We’re talking about “Tropic Thunder,” a comedy about how hard it is to make movies. Sure, … Continue reading "Episode 151: Tropic Thunder (2008)"
Welcome to our sesquicentennial episode! We know big words! And for our 150th, we have a very special episode. That’s right, this time it’s Mike who’s not wearing any pants! Wait, no, please come back! Kidding! Kidding! No, we really do have something special for our latest episode of “Whitewashing,” we have a super-special-awesome seriously-very-cool … Continue reading "Episode 150: The Lone Ranger (2013)"
Tighten your shorts, Pilgrim, and get ready for another episode of “Whitewashing” here at Max, Mike; Movies. Genghis Khan: when you think of him, what do you see? Close your eyes and think of the first Great Khan of the Mongols, a man who created an empire over half the world, a man who is … Continue reading "Episode 149: The Conqueror (1956)"
Just in case you’re feeling too comfortable, we’re hitting you with another episode of “Whitewashing,” the series where two white guys talk about replacing non-white characters with white actors. Sure, we’re qualified for that. But who’s going to stop us? (checks behind door) Oh good, nobody’s here to stop us.So anyway, this week we’re discussing … Continue reading "Episode 148: Ghost in the Shell (2017)"
Welcome, welcome to a brand spanking new series (no, no, this isn’t a series about BDSM; the only one getting spanked around here is Bumpy and that’s with a two by four) which we’re calling “Hooray for White People! Yay! They’re The Best! Who Needs Anyone Else?” Man, that’d generate some interesting comments, wouldn’t it? … Continue reading "Episode 147: A Majority of One (1961)"
Like sands through the hourglass, so are the episodes of “Semi-Real People” and this last grain is “Pollock.” Note that this movie is NOT about the tasty fish, as many of us, I mean, many of you might think but rather about the turbulent later life of one of the most famous, if not the … Continue reading "Episode 146: Pollock (2000)"
So, our series “Semi-Real People” has been held over by popular demand (meaning Mike and I both demanded it and that’s one hundred percent of our staff, so that’s pretty popular) for a couple more episodes and here is one of them! Guess what’s coming next week? That’s right, the other one! Oh, I guess … Continue reading "Episode 145: Persepolis (2007)"
Gather round, ladies and gents, gather round! Hear the most amazing podcast ever seen on stage! Thrill to the death defying escapes from logic and narrative flow that Max and Mike will astound you with! Quake with fear as Bumpy the Wonder Pony hangs suspended over a tank filled with truly cranky piranha . . … Continue reading "Episode 144: Houdini (1953)"
Awright, M.L., I got one dilly of a flicker here, see? Good golly, it’s gonna be smash, see? Picture this: a drunk, washed up Hollywood screenwriter, see? Gotta weird name: Herman Mankiewicz. No, he didn’t work with Laurel and Hardy, he’s a serious gent. But here’s the kicker: he’s amazing, see? Just the bee’s knees … Continue reading "Episode 143: Mank (2020)"
Hey there, all you hep cats and kitties! We are movin’ and groovin’ here at Max, Mike; Movies with our wild and outta-sight episode of “Semi-Real People.” This week, unwind your minds and rethread your heads as we stretch the concept of the bio-pic to new dimensions. How many times has this happened to you: … Continue reading "Episode 142: Miles Ahead (2015)"
Get your minds out of the gutter, you stunningly good-looking and flawlessly dressed listeners! This isn’t the week we talk about porn; this is another entry in our series “Semi-Real People” and while our other biopics have focused on legendary musicians, this week our subject is a different kind of rock star. Yes, this is … Continue reading "Episode 141: On the Basis of Sex (2018)"
The time to hesitate is through and there is certainly no time to wallow in the mire, because we’ve got this week’s episode in our “Semi-Real People” series: 1991’s “The Doors.” The title is a bit misleading, as we discuss, as this is less about the entire band and more about Mr. Mojo Risin’ himself, … Continue reading "Episode 140: The Doors (1991)"
Episode one thirty-nine, Walk the Line! It rhymes! That was totally intentional! I’m not completely lying! Another in our biopic series “Semi-Real People” and we’ve got another musical icon . . . I mean, an icon of the world of music, not an icon that plays music . . . although he did play music … Continue reading "Episode 139: Walk the Line (2005)"
Movies, movies, oi oi oi!!! Shove off, all you wankers and tossers! This week in our “Semi-Real People” series, we’ve got a right bastard of cinema, too right! Yeah! Anarchy on your movie screen! Face piercings! Mohawks! Leather trousers! . . . Safety pins . . . atonal guitar riffs? Barely functional bass lines? Ok, … Continue reading "Episode 138: Sid and Nancy (1986)"
Welcome, welcome, and welcome again to a new series here at Max, Mike; Movies: “Semi-Real People”! In this series, Mike and I will be viewing, conferring, conversing, and otherwise hobnobbing about so-called “bio-pics,” movies that are (allegedly) true stores about (more or less) real people. And we’re kicking it off with silence! ………….. Ok, that’s … Continue reading "Episode 137: Chaplin (1992)"
In this, our final entry in “Leaving ‘Em Wanting More,” our salute to sequels, we disprove the notion that THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! Because in the case of the “Highlander” series, there are about five . . . including this one, 1991’s “Highlander 2” the sequel that no one asked for and the sequel … Continue reading "Episode 136: Highlander 2 (1991)"
In 1979, Ridley Scott astounded and terrified audiences with his iconic film “Alien.” Apparently, Mr. Scott didn’t think much of friendly aliens like Wookies or E.T. or the eventual Greys from “Close Encounters of the Third Kind”. No, Ridley decided he wanted a movie involving the most pants-crappingly scary alien since . . . well, … Continue reading "Episode 135: Aliens (1986)"
Welcome to another in our continuing stooooory of two quacks who’ve gone to the dogs. That is to say, Max, Mike; Movies and our series “Leave ‘Em Wanting More”. This week, we want our mummy! No, not the nice, filial piety, wear a sweater ‘cause it’s cold out version but rather the pull-out-the-brains-through-the-nose-and-get-the-body-ready-for-Anubis, beware the … Continue reading "Episode 134: The Mummy Returns (2001)"
The city. It cries out for justice. It cries out for salvation. It cries out for discussions of movie sequels in a series called “Leave ‘Em Wanting More.” They call. We come. That’s the deal. We are Max, Mike; Movies and we’re the podcast the city deserves, but not the one it needs. No. Wait. … Continue reading "Episode 133: The Dark Knight (2008)"
Here at Max, Mike; Movies, we’ve seen things you people can’t imagine. Attack ships on fire some place or other. Something or other glittering off the Tannhauser gate, whatever that is. And lots of other stuff. You can’t imagine it. Don’t even try. You’ll just hurt yourself. This week’s “Leave ‘Em Wanting More” deals with … Continue reading "Episode 132: Blade Runner 2049 (2017)"
Welcome to a sequel that I bet a bunch of people didn’t know was a sequel! Yes, Mel Gibson’s first outing as Max Rockatansky (yes, the character has a last name) in 1979 wasn’t exactly widely distributed (or known) over here in the States; the initial release even had Gibson’s voice dubbed, for fear that … Continue reading "Episode 131: Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981)"
Welcome, dudes, to another of our, like, “Leave ‘Em Wanting More” . . . thing. ‘cuz we’re talking about, y’know, sequels and stuff . . . so, like, you ever think that maybe we’re all living in, sort of a big computer game or whatever? And we don’t, like, even know it and junk? Yeah … Continue reading "Episode 130: The Matrix Reloaded (2003)"
From the people who brought you “Max, Mike; Movies” comes “Max, Mike; Movies II: The Returning Revenge of the Origins to the Future of the Next Generation on Fury Road.” In other words, we’re starting a new series called “Leave ‘Em Wanting More” and it’s all about sequels! Sequels, sequels and more sequels. Those things … Continue reading "Episode 129: The Godfather Part II (1974)"
What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more . . . ow! Dang, I hurt my neck doing that head-bob thing. Here we are at the final episode of “Isn’t It Romantic” and what exemplifies romance more than those three little words: “you’ve got mail.” So many songs written about them … Continue reading "Episode 128: You’ve Got Mail (1998)"
Welcome to another in our “Isn’t It Romantic” series! This week, we are down with the street, down with our bad selves, and down with love. No, I do not in fact have any idea what any of that means, but we’re discussing that tribute to the so-called “sex comedies” of the 60’s “Down With … Continue reading "Episode 127: Down With Love (2003)"
Oh, Meg Ryan, you are truly the Meg-est of the Ryans! So adorable, with your tousled hair and your scrunched up little grin. You’re just SO GREAT, aren’t you? You can just get away with anything, can’t you? Sure, when your character in this week’s “Isn’t It Romantic” fakes an orgasm in the middle of … Continue reading "Episode 126: When Harry Met Sally (1989)"
Do you want to be rich? Sure, we all do! But how about being crazy rich? And also Asian? Well, do we have a movie for you. Do we? Of course we do. Why else would you be here? This week’s entry in our “Isn’t It Romantic” series is our most current movie . . … Continue reading "Episode 125: Crazy Rich Asians (2018)"
When you think of the screen couples whose sizzling hot chemistry lit up the screen and made movie audiences curiously sweaty, you think of Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in “Ghost”, Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger in “9 ½ Weeks”, and of course . . . Bud Cort and Ruth Gordon in “Harold and Maude”? … Continue reading "Episode 124: Harold and Maude (1971)"
Welcome to another episode of “Isn’t It Romantic”. Well? Isn’t it? ISN’T IT?! I’m waiting. I can wait all day if necessary. Thank you. That wasn’t so hard was it? Wait, was that you or was it one of the Voices? Um, anyway, this week we’re traveling back to the era of black-and-white cinema with … Continue reading "Episode 123: Pat and Mike (1952)"
Ah, “Notting Hill” . . . the sweet, coming-of-age story of a boy scout earning his merit badge in Knot-Tying-Specifically-Done-On-The-Side-Of-A-Hill, one of the rarest merit badges is all scoutdom. Naturally, they had to drop the “K” in the American version of the film due to censorship and you’re not buying even a word of this, … Continue reading "Episode 122: Notting Hill (1999)"
Romantic comedies. A staple (or at least a paperclip) of Hollywood movies since the Pre-Cambrian era. This genre has survived world wars, Great Depressions, and bell-bottomed pants. We love us some meet-cute, will-they-or-won’t-they, will she marry the rich snob or the snarky but hunky pipe welder type movies. And it’s funny! In this, our latest … Continue reading "Episode 121: It Happened One Night (1934)"
Well, it’s been fun and we all had a good laugh but now we come to the end of our “Pixar Pix” with this week’s entry “The Good Dinosaur.” Oh man, remember Halloween 2015, when all the kids were dressing up as Arlo the Apatosaurus? Sigh….. good times. So this movie is based on a … Continue reading "Episode 120: The Good Dinosaur (2015)"
Holy campy tv catchphrase! It’s another episode of “Pixar Pix”! When last we left our Dyspeptic Duo, they were dangling above a vat of radioactive mayonnaise while Lord Doctor Baron von Naughtyguy was launching into hour three of his detailed description of his plan for world domination . . . or maybe they were just … Continue reading "Episode 119: The Incredibles (2004)"
Ah, bright college days! Frisbee games on the quad, cramming for exams, trying to choose a major, learning how best to extract the last drop of mortal terror from children . . . truly, golden years. All this can be found in this week’s example of “Pixar Pix,” “Monster’s University,” the sequel you didn’t know … Continue reading "Episode 118: Monsters University (2013)"
Feelings. Nothing more than feelings. Trying to forget my feelings of love. Or in the case of this week’s “Pixar Pix”, trying to forget my feelings of Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger. Yes, we’ve got all the feels this week with “Inside Out”. Previously, Pixar has taken us to Scotland, Mexico and to infinity … Continue reading "Episode 117: Inside Out (2015)"
Wurra wurra, we’ve got us yet another “Pixar Pix”! This time, Mike takes the high road and I take the low road and we got to Scotland before Pixar! Seriously, we did; we visited Scotland decades before this movie. But here we have an ostensibly “Disney” Pixar movie, which gave us Pixar’s only entry into … Continue reading "Episode 116: Brave (2012)"
Here we are with another of our “Pixar Pix.” This week, we examine this carefully crafted animated documentary about one of the great fashion designers, Coco Chanel. This movie traces Ms. Chanel’s roots from her childhood home in Maine-et-Loire, France to . . . Mike, why are banging your head on the table? Is something … Continue reading "Episode 115: Coco (2017)"
Welcome back to another edition of “Pixar Pix,” where we talk about the highs and lows, the hills and valleys, the pork and beans of one of the Great Animation Houses. This week: cars. You know, here in my car I feel safest of all . I can lock all my doors. It’s the only … Continue reading "Episode 114: Cars 2 (2011)"
So a few weeks ago we talked about Pixar’s masterpiece “Toy Story” as part of our “90’s” discussion and this made us realize (help us) that we had made a grave error by bothering to discuss any movie (please, call someone) other than those crafted by the geniuses at Pixar, which is now a part … Continue reading "Episode 113: Toy Story 2 (1999)"
Oh, cripes, don’tcha know, we’re here for one last go-around with “In Ancient Times: The 90’s,” and I’ll tell ya that for free, oh yah, those nice Coen boys, Joel and Ethan, they’ve done it up real nice, you betcha. While them Coen fellas may have done ok with their earlier flickers like “Raising Arizona,” … Continue reading "Episode 112: Fargo (1996)"
Transvestites! We need transvestites! Wait, no, that’s not it . . . listeners! We need listeners! And here you are, we hope, at Max, Mike; Movies in our penultimate episode of our extended run of “In Ancient Times: the 90’s.” This week we’re taking a look at one of Tim Burton’s more . . . … Continue reading "Episode 111: Ed Wood (1994)"
Hello, campers, and welcome to another Max, Mike; Movies entry in our series “In Ancient Times: the 90’s.” This week we’re discussing one of the shamefully few movies that celebrate our country’s most beloved and ancient holiday: Groundhog Day. Ah, the happy childhood memories . . . singing Groundhog carols, sipping traditional Nyquil-and-maraschino-cherry-juice punch, carving … Continue reading "Episode 110: Groundhog Day (1993)"
[Interior shot, an old model Dodge Dart. Max, Mike sitting side by side, wearing black suits. Mike is driving. The radio is playing Ray Stevens’ “The Streak”]Max: Hey, there’s a Jack-in-the-Box. You wanna get some drive-through?Mike: You know what they call a Jack-in-the-Box in France?Max: They don’t call it Jack-in-the-Box?Mike: No, man, they call it … Continue reading "Episode 109: Pulp Fiction (1994)"
Welcome once again to Max, Mike; Movies as we delve into the antediluvian mysteries of “In Ancient Times: the 90’s”, a time so ancient that it’s really, really old. Today’s installment concerns “Rushmore,” the award-winning documentary about the creation of one of America’s most famous monuments honoring some of our greatest presidents. Located in South … Continue reading "Episode 108: Rushmore (1998)"
Ah, “In Ancient Times: the 90’s” The 1990’s . . . who truly remembers the events of such a distant time? Did we live in caves? Did dinosaurs walk the earth? Did we drive cars powered by our feet while yelling “yabba-dabba-doo”? Of course we did. We all know we did. But the 90’s was … Continue reading "Episode 107: Toy Story (1995)"
Ahhh, magnolias. The flower that signifies spring; a symbol of hope, beauty and hundreds of frogs showering down from the heavens. Wait, what? Oh yes. Frogs. Lots and lots of frogs. Because how else would you tie together such divergent stories of; lives gone wrong, kid tv stars who never really grow up, toxic masculinity … Continue reading "Episode 106: Magnolia (1999)"
Hello, children! Hello! Welcome to Uncle Max, Uncle Mike; Uncle Movies! Yaaay! We’ve got a super delightful, fun story for you this week about a funny man who lives in a cave with his wacky friends when one day a little girl comes to ask him some oh-so-important questions about her friend Billy and why … Continue reading "Episode 105: Silence of the Lambs (1991)"
Welcome back to another episode of Max, Mike; Movies in our series “In Ancient Times: the 90’s.” Say, do you want to be John Malkovich? Sure, we all do! But how many movies have addressed this very question? As far as we know, only 1999’s “Being John Malkovich” has dared to do this! Directed by … Continue reading "Episode 104: Being John Malkovich (1999)"
It’s Max, Mike; Movies! Max, Mike; Movies! Party time! Excellent! Random excited noises! It’s Monday, it’s “In Ancient Times: the 90’s” and it’s time to party! I’m your excellent host, Max Levine. With me as always is Mike. Party on Mike! . . . Party on, Mike! . . . Mike? Mike? . . . … Continue reading "Episode 103: Wayne’s World (1992)"
Booyah! Welcome back to another totally tubular episode of “In Ancient Times: the 90’s” here at Max, Mike; Movies. Wait . . . tubular is from the 80’s, right? Oh, who knows. It’s not like anyone from that era is alive today. Whatever. Totally. This week we’re tackling Mike’s choice of an early Richard Linklater … Continue reading "Episode 102: Dazed and Confused (1993)"
Whew! We conquered episode 100, now we go forward . . . to the past! Welcome to a new series on “Max, Mike; Movies” where we check out films of a surprisingly innovative and influential decade, back in the dim and distant misty times: the 1990’s, in a series we’re calling “In Ancient Times: the … Continue reading "Episode 101: Titanic (1997)"
Great jumping midi-chlorians! We’ve made it all the way to episode 100 of Max, Mike; Movies! Who’d have believed it? Seems like only yesterday we were at episode 34. They said we’d never make it; they said that we were mad! Mad, I tell you! They said we had to wear pants to the grocery … Continue reading "Episode 100: Star Wars… All of it!"
Sushi. Cold fish. That’s what my ex-partner used to call me before he ran off with Bumpy the Wonder Pony. Now it’s just me, alone, hunting podcasts and wondering . . . am I a podcast as well? Welcome to this week’s episode of “Max, Mike; Movies” and the last in our brief series “A … Continue reading "Episode 99: Blade Runner (1982)"
Hello, good evening and welcome to another edition of “Max, Mike; Wombats,” the show where it’s not what you know that counts but rather how many navy beans you can fit inside this week’s special marsupial guest. Today’s episode, another in our VERY POPULAR “A Few of Our Favorite Things” series, is brought to you … Continue reading "Episode 98: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)"
Welcome to another episode of “A Few of Our Favorite Things,” with another movie based on raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens . . . which would be a lot weirder the other way around. Whiskers on roses . . . how would that even work . . .? Let me check . . … Continue reading "Episode 97: What’s Up, Doc? (1972)"
Welcome back. No, I can’t say that the world is all better now. Not even close. But we’d still like to offer you something to listen to, and this is what we have to offer. This is how we approach the world, this is what we have to share, this is something we love. So … Continue reading "Episode 96: Casablanca (1942)"
It was raining hard in the City by the Bay, as I stared at the words “Max, Mike; Movies” scrawled in peeling paint on the office door. My partner, as usual, was passed out on the ratty old couch after one too many Strawberry Quiks. Then suddenly the door swung open and he shuffled in. … Continue reading "Episode 95: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1988)"
Howdy, folks! Welcome to another smurfin’ good episode of “Drawn Apart,” where we focus on movies that smurf together live action and smurfimated characters. This week’s smurftastic entry, as you may have gathered from my immensely subtle clue-dropping, is 2011’s 3D animated smurf of a movie “The Smurfs,” which sees the near-legendary Belgian characters, stars … Continue reading "Episode 94: The Smurfs (2011)"
Here we are again with another cinematic arrow in that quiver we’re calling “Drawn Apart,” where live-action and animated characters come together . . . and only one leaves alive! Ok, um, not so much. This week we’re checking out “Osmosis Jones,” the movie that asks the question: who’s the leucocyte cop who’s a cell-dividing … Continue reading "Episode 93: Osmosis Jones (2001)"
Welcome back for still more of “Drawn Apart, where we examine movies that attempt to address whether humans and animated characters can live together in peace and harmony, or at least make decent movies together. Before we begin, we’d like to thank for not smmmmmmokin’!cricketsYes, I know, I’m deeply ashamed. As you may gather, this … Continue reading "Episode 92: The Mask (1994)"
Here we are again for yet another entry in the saga that is “Drawn Apart,” the fancy and academic study of movies that have both live-action and animated characters sharing the screen and interacting with one another. Should be getting that grant from Wottsamatta U any day now. This week we tackle that deepest and … Continue reading "Episode 91: SpongeBob SquarePants: Sponge Out of Water (2015)"
Back for more, huh? Well, strap in for another episode of “Drawn Apart,” the series that dares to address the controversial issue of live-action and animated characters living and working together. Yes, I said it! We’re asking if Mixed Movies can work, and this week’s example of the question if the cinematic version of the … Continue reading "Episode 90: The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2000)"
Howdy howdy, folks; glad you could join us for another episode of “Drawn Apart,” where we spew forth on movies that combine animation and live action, woven together into the seamless fabric that is movie magic. Bugs Bunny. Daffy Duck. Wile E. Coyote. If you’re like me, when you hear those names the first thing … Continue reading "Episode 89: Space Jam (1996)"
So our last series has come to an end. What to do now . . . what to do . . . what’s that, Mike? Start a new series? Y’know . . . it’s crazy but it. Just. Might. Work. So yes, here’s the start of a brand new series: “Drawn Apart,” a collection of … Continue reading "Episode 88: Cool World (1992)"
Welcome to our late-night double-feature picture show! We’ve got androids fighting Brad and Janet, as well as Anne Francis stars in “Forbidden Planet”! It’s exactly like that, except it’s not a double-feature, and we have no Brad, no Janet, and no androids (yes, there’s a robot but a robot is not the same as an … Continue reading "Episode 87: Forbidden Planet (1956)"
Hello again to our listeners, both young and young at heart! Things in the real world are a tad . . . dramatic these days, so who among us isn’t fantasizing about hopping into a toy car, driving through a simulated highway fee collection station and traveling through a land of obvious puns, all animated … Continue reading "Episode 86: The Phantom Tollbooth (1970)"
Welcome, time travelers, to the year 2525 (assuming man is still alive). No, I’m just messing with you, it’s still 2020 and this is still Max, Mike; Movies with our series “When We Wuz Kids.” At these current spatio-temporal coordinates, we bring you one of Mike’s childhood cinematic influences: the 1960 film adaptation of H.G. … Continue reading "Episode 85: The Time Machine (1960)"
Greetings, sports fans, and welcome back to “Max, Mike; Movies!” series “When We Wuz Kids.” This week we delve into a cinematic semi-precious gem that is solidly wedged into the psyche of one Max. This Max, to be more specific. Yes, by golly we’re taking on “The Great Race,” a zany comedy from the mind … Continue reading "Episode 84: The Great Race (1965)"
Welcome back to our collective trip down memory lane in our series “When We Wuz Kids,” where we jabber about the motion pictures that had an impact on us as wee tykes (some of them were even those new-fangled “talkies”!). This week sinks us into the Marianas Trench that is Mike’s formative years, when he … Continue reading "Episode 83: Captain Nemo and the Underwater City (1969)"
We interrupt our childhood reminisces for something more timely: our take on this year’s Academy Awards. Yes, we’re right on top of things here at Max, Mike; Movies. It’s been a mere two weeks since the 92nd Night the Stars Salute Themselves and we figure things have calmed down enough to offer our own opinions … Continue reading "The Oscars, 2020"
Ahh, 1968! Was there ever a better year for kids movies? Well, yes, of course there was, but for some reason all three of the movies in our “When We Wuz Kids” series seem to come from that year. Was this accidental? Hah! Mike and I are professionals! You think we don’t have some clever, … Continue reading "Episode 82: Oliver! (1968)"
Today we continue our journey into the twisted smoking ruin that is our childhoods . . . what? Why are you all looking at me like that? I’m fine. I’m fine. Seriously, this week we continue “When We Wuz Kids,” where we check out movies that we remember loving as kids to see how they … Continue reading "Episode 81: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)"
As one chapter closes, another begins . . . welcome to our new series, “When We Wuz Kids,” wherein Michael and I recall and review movies that we were enjoyed in our respective youths. Naturally, with our current level of maturity, we will be maintaining quiet dignity and a mature respect for . . . … Continue reading "Episode 80: Yellow Submarine (1968)"
Soooo Mr. Bond. We have come to the end of our little game, haven’t we. Yes, this amusing little series . . . what did you call it? “Get ‘em, Jimmy”, yes? Following the highs and lows of your career? How droll. Would you call this a low? Heh heh heh. And how appropriate, for … Continue reading "Episode 79: View to a Kill (1985)"
Welcome to another episode of our study of the James “Shaken Not Stirred” Bond film genre in our series “Get ‘em, Jimmy!” Last week we had the absurd, so this week we have . . . ok, I can’t really say it’s sublime, but it’s a hell of a lot better than last week’s bolus … Continue reading "Episode 78: Skyfall (2012)"
Y’know, we’ve been doing this podcast for a while and it occurred to Mike that, hard to believe as it might be, there could be folks out there who might be wondering who we are and why anyone would want to listen to what we say. After I stopped my hysterical laughter at such an … Continue reading "Who The Hell Are You Guys?"
And now this series, “Get ‘em, Jimmy!,” a study of the best and worst of Bond, has brought us here: the one Bond movie with a title that is almost impossible to say out loud without giggling. Ah, but just watch the movie! Yes, watch the movie and realize that huh, the title is actually … Continue reading "Episode 77: Octopussy (1983)"
No, this podcast has not been hijacked, you read that title correctly. And sadly no, this episode is not just an hour of Mike and I talking about how much we like the animal felis catus (although we do). Strap yourselves in tightly because we went and saw the new “Cats” movie. Yup, that one. … Continue reading "We Interrupt This Series To Bring You . . . Cats!"
Goldfinger. Y’know, I hear he’s the man with the Midas touch. Although some people say it’s more of a spider’s touch. Not sure what that would mean; does he have spinnerets and leaves traces of webbing when he shakes hands? Pretty fond of gold, that fella is, that’s for ding dang sure. [end Scandahoovian opening] … Continue reading "Episode 76: Goldfinger (1964)"
Welcome to the Diamond Jubilee episode of “Max, Mike; Movies”! Yes, we’re celebrating our 75th episode, and the latest in our series “Get ‘em, Jimmy!”, the best and worst of the Bond franchise. I know, “Diamonds Are Forever” might have been more appropriate, but there you go. This week we move from one of the … Continue reading "Episode 75: Moonraker (1979)"
Well, Double-oh Seven, we’ve got some new equipment for you. Yes, this is the latest in Daniel Craigs and he’ll be playing you from now on. Try to return him, along with your other equipment, intact for once, there’s a good chap. Yes, in our latest installment of “Get ‘em, Jimmy!” we take on the … Continue reading "Episode 74: Casino Royale (2006)"
‘allo, ‘allo, ‘allo, what’s all this then? Why it’s another episode in our series “Get ‘em, Jimmy!” wherein we discuss the highs and lows of the James Bond franchise. Last week we talked about a film that is generally regarded as one of the best Bond films; this week we’re talking about one that . … Continue reading "Episode 73: Die Another Day (2002)"
Sit down and pay attention, Double-oh Seven. We’re starting a new series here at MMM6 and it involves one Mr. Bond. James Bond. Yes, our new series, elegantly titled “Get ‘em, Jimmy!”, deals with that super-spy of super-spies, the man who can rock a tuxedo better than anyone while ordering a watered-down martini (they’re SUPPOSED … Continue reading "Episode 72: From Russia With Love (1963)"
Here we close our “Special Guest Star” series with none other than the talented and charming Valerie Kuhns, a woman with everything going for her with the exception of the fact that she is related to Mike. Specifically, she is his sister. Shudder for a moment as you think of what that was like. Val … Continue reading "Episode 71: Strictly Ballroom (1992)"
Welcome back to another episode in our “Special Guest Star” series! This week we sit down with the intelligent, witty and annoyingly tall Ned Martenis (also known, in some circles, as my godson). Ned has chosen one of his favorite movies, the often-underrated “In Bruges,” a dark comedy starring Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson as … Continue reading "Episode 70: In Bruges (2008)"
And here we are with another “Special Guest Star” to do some of the heavy lifting of . . . well, talking about movies. Hey, some of those scenes can get pretty bulky! This week it’s another of Mike’s Michigan crew, the insightful Haley King; she’s chosen to discuss one of her favorite movies of … Continue reading "Episode 69: All About Eve (1950)"
After the carnage that was “You Can’t Make Me, You Can’t Make”, we gratefully stumble into a brand new series “With Special Guest Star . . .”, where we take the winners of our “Host With Max and Mike” contest and CRUSH THEIR SPIRITS WITH THE WORST MOVIES . . . pant pant pant . … Continue reading "Episode 68: Man on the Moon (1999)"
It’s been a long, dark road but we’ve arrived at the final, some might say most foul, entry in our “You Can’t Make Me, You Can’t Make Me” series. Last week, Mike did some serious harm to my psyche with his cruel and unusual “Baby Geniuses” frontal assault, so this week, I reply with the … Continue reading "Episode 67: Freddy Got Fingered (2001)"
Pray for us, dear listeners! More specifically, pray for poor Max who had to endure Mike’s cruel strike in this week’s “You Can’t Make Me, You Can’t Make Me” series; Mike has chosen a serious garbage fire of a movie, “Baby Geniuses,” a movie based on the “premise” that babies under the age of two … Continue reading "Episode 66: Baby Geniuses (1999)"
Hello, listeners! Smiley-face, pray-hands, smiley-face-with-cat-ears . . . wow, this is harder than I thought. How come so many people are into these emoji things? They take forever! Yes, in this new episode of the back-alley fight we’re calling “You Can’t Make Me, You Can’t Make Me,” I inflict the animated colonoscopy that is “The … Continue reading "Episode 65: The Emoji Movie (2017)"
Welcome back to “Max, Mike; Movies”, and here we are slap-bang in the middle of the mind-mangling fray we call “You Can’t Make Me, You Can’t Make Me,” where Mike and I are facing off against one another. Not with bullets or blades but with the weapons we know best: bad movies. In this series, … Continue reading "Episode 64: Pixels (2015)"
You find yourself in a dark forest at the border of the fabled kingdom of “Max, Mike; Movies!” The supremely evil yet disturbingly handsome necromancer SauruMax has cast the terrible ninth-level curse of “You Can’t Make Me, You Can’t Make Me” on the half-gnome, half-smurf Mikey the Pantsless, forcing the poor creature to endure the … Continue reading "Episode 63: Mazes and Monsters (1982)"
Ding! And we’re here for another bone-cracking, skull-crushing, eye-gouging (self-inflicted, most likely) round of “You Can’t Make Me, You Can’t Make Me” here at “Max, Mike; Movies!” This week’s chosen cinematic rusty knife has been chosen by Mike and shoved into my intestines for my watching agony. I mean pleasure . . . no, no … Continue reading "Episode 62: Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)"
Please make sure your safety harness is tightly secured and that your eye and ear protection is firmly in place, ‘cause in this week’s “You Can’t Make Me, You Can’t Make Me”, we’re taking on one of the most hated movies of the last quarter century: “Showgirls.” Starring “Saved By the Bell” alumna Elizabeth Berkley … Continue reading "Episode 61: Showgirls (1995)"
Hang on to your hats and your lunches, most respected listeners! We’re starting up a brand-new series this week on “Max, Mike: Movies.” For the last few weeks, we’ve been watching some pretty swell movies, really fine examples of cinema. Well that. Ends. Now. We’re starting a new series, appropriately titled “You Can’t Make Me, … Continue reading "Episode 60: Sherlock Gnomes (2018)"
Hello, trailer fans! You thought we forgot, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU? Well, we didn’t, so who’s the caramel-covered aardvark now, hmm? Yes, before we start our next series we’ve got a little drain cleanser. I mean, palate cleanser: the long-awaited follow-up to our Trailer Trash episode. We talked about the trailers; well, now we’ve actually … Continue reading "Episode 59: Trailers 2: The Return of the Revenge of the Electric Boogaloo in Space: A New Hope"
Wot wot, old top! Blimey, ‘tis time for another spot of the old “I Keep Meaning to Watch That,” dontcherknow. Now, everyone join in for a rousing chorus of “God Save the Queen,” there’s good chaps! Right, I’ll stop now. I don’t even know why I did that. Bit silly, really. It’s not like this … Continue reading "Episode 58: Empire of the Sun (1987)"
Our respected listeners: thank you for inviting us to your audio device on this, the day of your daughter’s wedding. And I hope that your first podcast will be a masculine podcast. Always remember: leave the gun, take the cannoli. And the podcast. Yes friends, this week in “I Keep Meaning to Watch That”, Mike … Continue reading "Episode 57: The Godfather (1972)"
Great to see you back, dear listeners! Wonderful! Just stellar! Absolutely stellar! Stellar! Stellah! HEY, STELLA!!! Yes, that’s my brilliant lead-in to this week’s entry in “I Keep Meaning to Watch That,” “A Streetcar Named Desire.” With a screenplay written by Tennessee Williams, and adapted from his successful stage play, this movie stars two of … Continue reading "Episode 56: A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)"
Howdy, podners! Yee haw, we got us a giant-sized episode of “I Keep Meaning to Watch That” this week, chosen by Max, and he chose “Giant.” Why? Because I’ve always felt that the true story of the Jolly Green Giant has gone untold for too long. Where exactly is his valley? What is his relationship … Continue reading "Episode 55: Giant (1956)"
Welcome our most tubular and non-grody listeners! In this week’s episode of “I Keep Meaning to Watch That,” Mike chooses another Cameron Crowe-written opus: the teen movie classic “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” directed by Amy Heckerling. This movie is a bit more complex than you might expect and, while full of goofy bits (like … Continue reading "Episode 54: Fast Times At Ridgemont High (1982)"
Heeeeeyyy, dudes and dudettes! Welcome back to WMMM, that’s Radio Max, Mike; Movies, playing all the hits, all the time, all the way home! We’re here with Captain Nutbar, Squeegee, The Countersunk Screw and all the wacky crew . . . right, that’s enough of that. Yes, our movie this week in our series “I … Continue reading "Episode 53: Almost Famous (2000)"
What ho, valiant varlets! We got us a brand new “I Keep Meaning to Watch That” entry. This one is Mike’s choice and involves an obscure Disney animated film (which I know sounds like a contradiction in terms): 1985’s “The Black Cauldron.” Can’t understand why this wasn’t a bigger hit; who wouldn’t want to watch … Continue reading "Episode 52: The Black Cauldron (1985)"
Hail and well met, friends and fanciers! This week on Max, Mike; Movies we’re starting a branding spanking (a spanking! A spanking!) new series (awwww!): “I Keep Meaning to Watch That.” In it, Mike and I take turns choosing a classic, famous, or infamous movie that we’ve always meant to watch but have never gotten … Continue reading "Episode 51: Key Largo (1948)"
Wel . . . wel . . . welcome to fiftieth hic amplitude, no, wait, epishode, episode of Mix, Mork; Moogies. No, no, wait, I got this: the fiftieth thingy of Maalox, Meringue; Smoothies. hic, shorry, shorry, hang on . . . Sheriously, I mean, seriously, this is our fiftieth episode! The big five-oh! And … Continue reading "Episode 50: They Drove Us to Drink!"
Ok, look, I swear we didn’t do this on purpose. We wanted to do a series where we compare classic films and their remakes in this “Then and Now” or “What, This Again?” series. We did NOT intentionally set out to make the last three episodes in the series, and thus almost half the series, … Continue reading "Episode 49: The Mummy (1932, 1999)"
Good eeeevening, children of the night! What sweet music you make! Seriously, you over there on the accordion? First rate stuff! This week on “Then and Now,” we bring you a special treat: a three-fur! Yes, we’re dealing with a cinematic character who can’t be contained to a mere two movies: Count Vlad Irving Dracula! … Continue reading "Episode 48: Dracula (1931, 1979, 1992)"
Welcome to another in our “What, This Again?” series, where we compare originals with their remakes. Now, we may not be talking great movies this week, but the guy we’re talking about, he’s a true classic, am I right? You know him, you love him, you flee from him in terror, let’s bring him up … Continue reading "Episode 47: Godzilla (1956, 1998)"
Hello, fellow normal average earth humans. This week, on this very normal human podcast made by humans for other humans to listen to, we are continuing with our very normal, in no way unusual, series which we have entitled “Then and Now” or “What This Again.” Ha ha. Our secondary title is quite whimsical in … Continue reading "Episode 46: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956, 1978)"
Ring-a-ding-ding, you cuckoo cats! Pick up what we’re laying down; we got us two versions of the caper flick “Ocean’s 11”. We got us the 1960 version starring Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr. and pretty much everyone else they knew, and we got us the 2001 version, Clyde, starring Brad Pitt, George Clooney … Continue reading "Episode 45: Ocean’s 11 (1960, 2001)"
This week we’re taking a slightly different approach. Thinking outside the box. Shifting the paradigm. Gleaning the cube. Shellacking the hamster. Something like that. We’re taking on two movies by two different directors from two different countries with very different styles. Technically, these two movies are very different: one is a black-and-white masterpiece about a … Continue reading "Episode 44: Yojimbo/Fistful of Dollars (1961, 1964)"
Welcome back to our “Then and Now” series (also called “What, This Again?”) where we compare and discuss a classic movie and one of its remakes. This week it’s the romantic comedy/thriller “Charade” and its 2002 remake “The Truth About Charlie.” Both movies have the same plot, of course: a young woman in an unhappy … Continue reading "Episode 43: Charade/The Truth About Charlie"
Welcome to a new series here at Max, Mike; Movies! This time we’re tacking “Then and Now,” wherein we discuss a classic (or at least “old”) movie and one (or more) of its remakes and compare, contrast, convulse, confusticate and consommé the two. This week we’re talking about the classic heist movie “The Thomas Crown … Continue reading "Episode 42: The Thomas Crown Affair (1968, 1999)"
I’m Ted Baxter; here now, the news. Flawless impression, right? This is one of my Guilty Pleasures, the Will Ferrell comedy “Anchorman.” Yes it’s juvenile and as lowbrow as you can get without being a neckbeard but it makes me laugh and the cast is amazing, as are the cameos. Seriously, how many movies are … Continue reading "Episode 41: Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)"
Herein, forthwith, etc, is another Guilty Pleasure; this time it’s one of the earliest works of the writers Abrahams, Zucker and Zucker, the mad minds behind the “Airplane!” movies. Heavily influenced by sketch comedy (this movie premiered the same year as “Saturday Night Live”), “Kentucky Fried Movie” is a series of vignettes parodying all sorts … Continue reading "Episode 40: Kentucky Fried Movie (1977)"
Kevin Smith is a celebrated director. “Clerks” is often credited with jumpstarting the indie film movement. “Chasing Amy” is a Golden Globe nominee. “Dogma” is one of my favorite movies. But . . . this one. “Mallrats” is, shall we say, not one of his best. This one, however, is my pick, partly because it … Continue reading "Episode 39: Mallrats (1995)"
Here it is folks: if you look in the encyclopedia under “guilty pleasure,” all you’ll see is a picture of Bruce Willis and the words “Hudson Hawk.” It’s true. Don’t bother actually checking an encyclopedia (right, like anyone has one of those lying around anymore) and most importantly don’t ask anyone who owns an encyclopedia … Continue reading "Episode 38: Hudson Hawk (1991)"
Welcome back, Pointers! This week’s “Guilty Pleasure” is one of mine: the John Cusack (and most of his family) vehicle “Grosse Point Blank,” a movie about a charming professional assassin attending his 10th high school reunion. Yeah, I know. I do recognize this movie as seriously flawed: plot holes, odd improvised dialogue, a tone that … Continue reading "Episode 37: Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)"
And we’re back, with another in our series of “Guilty Pleasures,” movies that we know we shouldn’t enjoy but dang it, we just can’t help ourselves. This week is Mike’s choice and this one is less a guilty pleasure because of its quality but rather because of . . . well, who’s involved in it. … Continue reading "Episode 36: The Ninth Gate (1999)"
Once again, we take a dive into the deepest darkest depths of darkness and depth . . . of midnight . . . of the soul. Yes, that’s where I was going with this. Welcome back to our series “Guilty Pleasures,” where each week one of us chooses a movie that we enjoy, even though … Continue reading "Episode 35: Strange Magic (2015)"
Greetings, Children of the Night! This episode kicks off our new series “Guilty Pleasures”, where each of us takes turns choosing a movie to discuss, and not just any movie! No, these are movies we really like even though we know, deep down, that we just shouldn’t. Some of the movies are bad, some are … Continue reading "Episode 34: Van Helsing (2004)"
Yes, trailers. Such a part of the American driving, and cinematic, experience. These mighty hauling vehicles have been featured in such films as “The Long, Long Trailer” and “Trailer Park Boys,” where they have . . . hm? What’s that? Oh, MOVIE trailers! That’s what we’re talking about! Of course . . . that makes … Continue reading "Episode 33: Trailers!"
Pass the mushrooms and the lembas bread, members of our bold fellowship! Our grand and glorious quest “In Search of Dungeons and Dragons” draws to its dramatically dramatic and epically epic close as we brave the barrows of the wights, the gates of Barad-dur, and the bathrooms of the Prancing Pony to discuss Peter Jackson’s … Continue reading "Episode 32: The Lord of the Rings"
What ho and well met, mysterious wanderers! In this, our penultimate chapter of our grand and obstreperous quest “In Search of Dungeons and Dragons,” we pit sword and spell against 1981’s “Dragonslayer,” that rarest of beasts: a Disney live-action sword-and-sorcery film. Starring the very . . . pale Peter MacNicol (who some might remember as … Continue reading "Episode 31: Dragonslayer"
Hail once more, legendary warriors! Once more we embark on our quest “In Search of Dungeons and Dragons,” wherein we search for movies that can be said to truly embody the spirit of the role-playing game we love so well, verily, forsooth, ipsofacto, e pluribus unum. Today, we marvel at the cinematic creation that is … Continue reading "Episode 30: Krull"
Once again, bold travelers, you join us on our quest “In Search of Dungeons and Dragons.” This week, it should be pretty easy. I mean, we’re talking about the 2000 film NAMED AFTER THE GAME! It’s got elves! Wizards! Beholders! Some guys who are probably supposed to be Orcs! And it’s got Jeremy Irons, so … Continue reading "Episode 29: Dungeons and Dragons"
Journey with us once more, brave adventurers, as we continue “In Search of Dungeons and Dragons.” This week, we travel back to 1977 to discuss a classic fantasy/science fiction movie about an intrepid group who try to stop a terrible dark lord from destroying a world with his new ultimate weapon. You remember that 1977 … Continue reading "Episode 28: Wizards"
Welcome back, noble heroes! Time for another edition in our series “In Search of Dungeons and Dragons”! Herein, forthwith (fifthwith even!) we shall chat up an epic saga about the 1988 fantasy film “Willow,” directed by Ron Howard, written by George Lucas, and starring Warwick Davis, the only person to play two separate characters in … Continue reading "Episode 27: Willow"
Know, o princes and princesses, that in the time before Atlantis knew extreme humidity, two men strode the internet in search of movies that represented the spirit of the game Dungeons and Dragons. Know too that in their quest, they encountered a mighty warrior whose accent was thicker than his muscles and who would one … Continue reading "Episode 26: Conan the Barbarian (1982)"
Hail and well met, noble listeners whose deeds are glorious and whose thews are mighty. Man, check out the thews on you guys. Wow. Welcome to our new series “In Search of Dungeons and Dragons”; Mike and I are life-long role-playing gamers and we got to thinking about which, if any, movies really capture the … Continue reading "Episode 25: Eragon"
‘allo me old beauties, and a cheerful tinkery-tonk to one and all! We’ve got ourselves one last entry in our “In Theaters Now” series, and it’s “Mary Poppins Returns,” a sequel to the Disney classic based on the P.L. Travers book “Mary Poppins.” Yes, we all asked for it and here it is, a mere … Continue reading "Episode 24: Mary Poppins Returns"
Once again we find our intrepid heroes grappling with another superhero movie in their series “In Theaters Now.” This week, can the dyspeptic duo marshal all their periodontic powers and converse about a possible cacaphonic celluloid calamity? Will they have to call their fishy friends? Will concentric circles expand out of their heads as they … Continue reading "Episode 23: Aquaman"
Hey there, true believers! This week’s “In Theaters Now” involves the animated film “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse,” the most recent attempt to translate Spider-man to the big screen. Does it work? Does it fail? More importantly, if he’s got the powers of spider, why do his webs come out of his wrists? Shouldn’t they come … Continue reading "Episode 22: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse"
Robin Hood, Robin Hood/Riding through the glenRobin Hood, Robin Hood/With his band of men Ah, the glorious story of Robin Hood, told so many times in literature, song, and film. And here’s yet another interpretation, another in our series of “In Theaters Now” discussions. Starring Taron Egerton, Jamie Foxx and a bunch of other unfortunates, … Continue reading "Episode 21: Robin Hood (2018)"
Happy Thanksgiving weekend to all our stunning and well-groomed listeners! Continuing in our “In Theaters Now” we have the animated film “Ralph Breaks the Internet,” the sequel to 2012’s “Wreck-It Ralph.” Join us as we ask the question on everyone’s mind: why isn’t Dirk the Daring from Dragon’s Lair in this movie? Serious oversight. Ralph, … Continue reading "Episode 20: Ralph Breaks the Internet"
‘morning, my merry muggles! Another in our series “In Theaters Now”! And what’s in theaters now? Why the latest in the Potterverse movies “Fanfictional Beasts: The Crimes of the Bandersnatch.” Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s the title. Once again we follow the adventures of Newt Scamander (yeah, his brother’s name is “Theseus” and this poor … Continue reading "Episode 19: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald"
Here we are with another in our series “In Theaters Now,” where we discuss a movie that just opened this weekend. This week, just in time for . . . two weeks before Thanksgiving . . . it’s the newest update/reboot/reimagining/cashgrab of Dr. Seuss’ classic Christmas tale “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”, an animated creation … Continue reading "Episode 18: The Grinch (2018)"
Welcome to our latest series, “In Theaters Now.” In this series, we actually discuss a movie that is currently playing, quite possibly in a theater near you; we see the movie on Thursday or Friday and then have the discussion up for you on Monday. How do we do it? Volume, volume, volume! And speaking … Continue reading "Episode 17: Bohemian Rhapsody"
One last hidden gem for you! This week we’re havering about the 1996 directorial debut of Tom Hanks, “That Thing You Do (exclamation point)”. It’s the story of a the rise of a band from Erie, PA in the 1960s called The Wonders and their one hit . . . huh . . . I … Continue reading "Episode 16: That Thing You Do!"
A gem that was hidden, but no more! Ok, I think a number of folks know this one, but not nearly enough! This week we’re talking about the 1984’s “The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension”. See the fabulous outfits of Peter Weller and Ellen Barkin! Watch John Lithgow leave no piece of … Continue reading "Episode 15: Buckaroo Banzai"
Good evening, Children of the Night. This week our hidden gem is “What We Do In the Shadows”, a terrifying . . . no, that’s not the word . . . a spine-chilling . . . no, that’s not right. Ah! A HILARIOUS vampire movie starring Jermaine Clement and directed by Taika Waititi (“Thor: Ragnarok”). … Continue reading "Episode 14: What We Do In The Shadows"
Another hidden gem for you this week! This time it’s the 1985 Val Kilmer comedy “Real Genius.” Sort of a “What If Animal House Had Taken Place at M.I.T. or Cal Tech?” This one’s a lot of fun and one of the more quotable movies we’ve discussed, and one that asks the question “Would you … Continue reading "Episode 13: Real Genius"
This week we present another “Hidden Gem”, the 1988 cult hit “Tapeheads”, starring John Cusack (pre-“Say Anything’) and Tim Robbins (post-“Howard the Duck”) as two young lads attempting to make it in the music video industry. A somewhat bizarre but thoroughly enjoyable movie with a very odd collection of cameos, from Jello Biafra to “Weird … Continue reading "Episode 12: Tapeheads"
A bit delayed, but here we are. This week we have another movie where the soundtrack is practically a character. Starring Christian Slater, Samantha Mathis and . . . Ellen Greene?! From “Little Shop of Horrors”? Huh. Slater plays a pirate radio personality who . . . well, is sort of a forerunner of today’s … Continue reading "Episode 11: Pump Up the Volume"
Here is another entry in our series of “Hidden Gems,” movies that we dig but for some reason haven’t received that much audience love. This week we’re talking about the totally tubular (dude) movie that launched an 80’s phenomenon, “Max Headroom,” a tv movie about a dystopian near-future where an A.I. that becomes a popular … Continue reading "Episode 10: Max Headroom"
Welcome to Series 2 of our podcast, a little something that we like to call “Hidden Gems,” or movies that we think are hep and groovy but for whatever reason they never really caught on. This week we’re checking out one of Mike’s favorite films “Empire Records”, a movie about one remarkable day in the … Continue reading "Episode 9: Empire Records"
“Her” is obviously the sequel to “Them!” and the prequel to “She!” . . . ok, no it isn’t. In this surprising film, Joaquin Phoenix plays a lonely divorced man who finds himself falling in love with the digital personal assistant, who turns out to be a genuine A.I., on his phone/computer. This is one … Continue reading "Episode 8: Her"
This is a fascinating documentary, seen before by Mike but not Max, that is . . . initially about street art, focusing in particular on the legendary street artist Banksy but it’s also about how the focus of a narrative can change in unexpected ways.
In Episode 6, we discuss the classic adaptation of the Harper Lee novel “To Kill a Mockingbird,” which Max had seen but Mike had not. Starring Gregory Peck, this movie is a remarkable depiction of both a children’s coming-of-age story and the racial tensions that plague a small town . . . something disturbingly relevant … Continue reading "Episode 6: To Kill a Mockingbird"
Here we have a (not) family-friendly little flick that Mike had seen but Max had not. “The Wolf of Wall Street” tells the tale of the Big Bad Wolf after he decided to stop going after pigs and decided to try his paw at investment banking. Ok, not really; this movie is based on the … Continue reading "Episode 5: The Wolf of Wall Street"
This week’s movie is “Raising Arizona,” the early Coen Brothers classic that Max had seen and Mike had not. Starring Nicholas Cage, Holly Hunter, and the Warthog From Hell (hey, that’s what Holly Hunter calls him) this is one of most Coen-esque of Coen Brothers movies ever to Coen it’s way into your Coen.
And here we are with “The Big Kahuna”, a movie Mike had seen but Max had not. Join Frankie, Annette, and Moon Doggie as they get up to zany antics on the beach . . . . Oh, hang on. Wrong sort of “big kahuna.” No, this intriguing character study is based on the play … Continue reading "Episode 3: The Big Kahuna"
And with Episode 2 of this series, Mike and I discuss “The Social Network,” the fictionalized story of how Mark Zuckerberg created some obscure little website called “Facecrunch” or “Headbook” or something, that ended up making him the youngest billionaire in the world . . . and what he ended up doing to the people … Continue reading "Episode 2: The Social Network"
Series 1 involves the two of us discussing a movie that one of us has seen but the other one hasn’t. This week, we discuss Stanley Kubrick’s . . . unique vision of love, sexuality and really weird house parties in Mike’s choice, “Eyes Wide Shut.”