Beat Your Genes Podcast

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses the US Presidential Election and what to consider if you are distraught or if you are celebrating the results of President Trump being elected. Also, Dr. Lisle discusses the concept of morality – what is it? Is it innate? Is it taught?

Dr. Lisle weighs in on what to consider about the US Presidential election
If morality requires us to act against our psychology, which is impossible, does morality exist?

Teasers 0:00

Intro 1:38

Opening discussion 3:08

Dr. Lisle on whether your candidate won or lost: 4:15

You have specific relationships with individuals not government 7:52

An example of an oil wild-catter 13:07

The Group Trap 21:10

Opportunity and Adversity 33:41

Beating your genes 36:19

Some wins and some losses for your tribal psychology 43:04

Question # 2: What is morality? 48:13

Individual differences that are species-specific 56:28

In group/Out group behavior 1:02:00

Morality of the species is magnificent 1:06: 20

Life goes on, look for opportunity 1:07:38

Outro: 1:08:35

YouTube: @beatyourgenes

X: @beatyourgenes

Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's Part 2 from episode 343, Dr. Lisle discusses a potential explanation for why homosexuality persists in the population despite homosexuals having fewer children.

I understand that the very basis of natural selection is transmission and expression of genes - basically we are all evolved to pass as many of our successful genes into the population, and that the characteristics and behavior of the organism is evolved to promote this goal. However, how does that explain the persistent existence of gay people. Their behavior does not work to pass genes into the population - in fact, quite the opposite. I've heard this expressed as a Darwinian Paradox. Is there other behaviors that are also Darwinian Paradoxes? Btw, I'm gay and this in no way is intended to imply that homosexuality is an aberration.

Intro 0:00 Question 1: 0:11 Dr. Lisle answers: 0:53 Final thoughts: 18:29 Outro: 21:20

Follow us: YouTube: @beatyourgenes X: @beatyourgenes Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, Dr. Lisle explains how genes are passed on through generations and just how complex and interdependent they are. However, sometimes this can lead to the mistaken belief that societies can easily breed certain traits into or out of their population.

Dr lisle you've often mentioned that we cannot get intelligent people to breed for generations and give rise to a population whose average IQ is higher than the current avg IQ i.e. china/singapore tried to experiment with this idea but they failed. But Dr Lisle you've also said that today's human is on average way more cooperative than the ancient human.. so if the average cooperation can be bred to a higher level, why can't the average IQ be bred to a higher level?

Teasers 0:00 Intro 0:45 Opening discussion 1:42 Excerpt from past Episode 299: 4:55 Question #1 8:20 Dr. Lisle Answers: 9:08 Darker skin defends better against solar radiation near Equator 14:40 Survival advantages move evolution very very slowly 15:38 Eugenics is not possible because gene interactions are too complex 33:30 It’s troubling to discover your own constraints: 41:10 Individual human beings have individual differences: 50:00 Outro: 55:30

Follow us: YouTube: @beatyourgenes X: @beatyourgenes Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, Dr. Lisle’s discusses a term called The Ego Trap in the context of the following listener question:

Do you think Lebron James is ego-trapping his son Bronny? He has tweeted that Bronny is going to do extremely well he just needs a bit of time, but in reality the kid looks like he’s not even cut out for the D-League. I know there’s something to be said of Lebron’s status and influence in the league when it comes to decision-making, but I wonder what will come out of his son. Bronny has stated in the past that he wants to make his own name and not be compared to his dad. Do you think Lebron’s son will succeed in not feeling bad for living up to people’s high expections and just play the game because he loves it? Or will he react like a teenager with pushy parents wanting him to get straight A’s knowing that he can’t?

Teasers 0:00

Intro 0:36

Question #1 1:53

Dr. Lisle talks Basketball and Lebron and Bronny James#1: 3:14

Going over Ego Trap in context of Father/Son Dynamics: 15:32

It’s Motivating to potentially beat expectations: 38:35

Two Traps Dr. Lisle has named 38:58

Final thoughts/Wrapping up: 46:17

Outro: 50:28

YouTube: @beatyourgenes

X: @beatyourgenes

Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, we discuss the following listener questions about evolutionary mismatch at work, academia, and retirement.

I was on straight energy conservation mode for years at work. Putting in minimum effort and getting poor performance reviews. I hated it but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out how to get my motivation on board. Then I listened to you for years and over time bits of the pieces of the puzzle started coming together. Ultimately, I realized what I really wanted was the feeling of being productively occupied. To feel productively occupied though my brain needed to feel that it was generating real value in the world and get feedback that the value generated was indeed “real”. That is all to say I could never put a finger on the impact of my efforts in my corporate job. Does this mean the corporate world just isn’t for me? Or do I just need to zero in on what I directly impact in my current position and focus on that? Have you ever heard of people getting their mind/ motivation on board after 8 years of something?
I am a Master’s student in Psychology based in Germany, and I am planning to write my thesis on the topic of evolutionary mismatch in the workplace. My aim is to measure this mismatch using a questionnaire and then correlate it with hypothesized outcomes such as job satisfaction and mental health. I believe there may be connections between mismatch and phenomena such as burnout, as well as job satisfaction. This could potentially explain why some individuals prefer to work in small startups despite the objective drawbacks. However, I am encountering resistance from my professors, as they argue that the concept of “mismatch” is subjective and cannot be empirically measured, given that we cannot accurately determine the working conditions during the hunter-gatherer era. As such, they suggest that my thesis could be dismissed as a “just-so” story. I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to address this issue in my thesis.
Can you discuss the lack of goals once one is an empty nester? I am 61 and have many hobbies, i have volunteered so much I am having trouble finding anything that I can get excited about. I was a SAH mom and no grandchildren yet but not really interested in the grandchildren daycare duties if and when they present themselves. Post pandemic everything has slowed way down and it feels like reinventing the wheel for the hundredth time. My husband is still working for about 1 more year but we don’t have many common interests. I am coming off of 7 years of being the power of attorney and executor for my aunt who had dementia and passed then subsequently handling the estate with many beneficiaries who are not interested in any kind of support or help so thank goodness I am almost finished with those nearly full time complicated estate duties which utilized my skills well but was very stressful. Now I am just tired of all the working for free but advancing to nowhere. I am very self motivated but wow, the future looks very mundane. Can you suggest some action steps to get going again?

Teasers 0:00

Intro 0:42

Question #1 1:51

Answer #1: 3:08

Question #2: 37:20

Answer #2: 38:30

Question #3 48:55

Answer #3: 50:10

Wrapping up: 1:03:54

Outro: 1:05:13

YouTube: @beatyourgenes

X: @beatyourgenes

Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, we discuss different questions on social anxiety and finish with a short question about dating.

Is there a social strategy that involves not competing in an effort not to be seen as a threat? I am a woman and believe I notice in myself a tendency to make myself small around other women. I do this in interactions with women who are both more and less attractive than I am. I have lately come to believe the result is often that they dismiss me as not interesting or relevant, although my goal is to make friends. When I force myself to behave more assertively, I have better long term social result, but it is hard to sustain in ongoing interactions and it causes me rumination and social anxiety. Am I afraid of unleashing my competitive side with people who I want to like me?
If the point of everything we do is to find mates and reproduce, why do conditions such as social anxiety exist? I have crippling social anxiety which no therapist has ever been able to fix. I’m a 37 year old woman and I’ve never been on a date because I am just terrified of men. I’m not on the apps, and when I go out in public I avoid men at all costs. How did my ancestors ever find a mate and reproduce with this type of behavior? It just seems counterintuitive to the essence of humanity.
Is there anything to be done about emotional instability? I've always felt like a raw nerve trying to navigate through life. I oscillate between very high and very low emotions constantly and when something goes wrong in life I feel it so deeply I become emotionally paralyzed. It makes having relationships hard, as well as trying to get through day to day life. I don't want to go on medication but sometimes I feel like a chemical lobotomy would be a relief. Is there anything to be done? If not, can you explain the genetic reason why a person like this might be beneficial to the tribe so I can focus on a silver lining?
In personality, is there a difference between disagreeable and difficult? I know some people who are obviously disagreeable and I do the distance thing with them you suggest, and that works for me. But I also have a few people in my life, with OCD and chronic anxiety who can be kind and nice but unpredictable. Sometimes they are very difficult if they are going through an episode, and it doesn't feel right to just walk away and create distance from the behavior. But usually I can't actually help much either, and things get very muddy and difficult. Can you help me understand the difference, between a disagreeable person (narcissist) and a difficult person (OCD)? Thank you so much.
If love is feeling like you are getting a good deal, then what are some techniques to make women feel that way? What are the best ways to make a woman look up to you and seek your approval as a man? How do I communicate that I am better than her?

Intro 0:00

Small talk 1:35

Question #1 3:25

Question #2 21:18

Question #3 32:05

Question #4 48:15

Question #5 1:02:45

Wrapping up 1:09:00

YouTube: @beatyourgenes

X: @beatyourgenes

Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.

Question 1:

I had a very traumatic childhood, but I don't blame my experiences with my violent alcoholic mother for any of my stupid adult decisions. I did those all on my own -- with some help from my parents' genes, of course. What Dr. Lisle teaches on this topic makes sense to me. I have a friend who, by any measure, had a much less traumatic childhood. In fact, I don't think it is fair to say that her childhood was traumatic at all. There weren't any drugs or alcohol in her childhood home, and, according to her, she didn't experience any physical, verbal or sexual abuse. Her physical needs were all taken care of and, at the time, she says she felt very loved by both her parents. She is no longer close to them. Looking back over her life at the age of 60, she now believes that her emotional needs weren't properly addressed when she was a child. Consequently, she has recently concluded that her problems stem from an attachment disorder caused by her parents. For the first time, she is calling what she experienced "trauma." She is convinced that her parents' lack of attentiveness to her emotional needs qualifies as trauma and are at fault for much of her current depression and rage, as well as for her struggle with weight. My friend is quite disagreeable, whereas I am quite agreeable. Even among people who truly had a traumatic childhood, I have noticed a pattern: Disagreeable people are more likely to want to blame someone for their shortcomings and for their life's decisions, whereas agreeable people don't tend to blame anyone. In this way, it seems that agreeable people may be more readily able to grasp the lessons that Evolutionary Psychology has to offer -- at least in the arena of this important topic of trauma and its role in our lives. What do you think?

YouTube: @beatyourgenes

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Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.

Intro 0:00

Question #1: 0:30

I have been with the same man for 13 years (since I was 19) and we have 2 children together. Though we have had our ups and downs and areas of incompatibility I believe our relationship is good, I love our family and want it to continue. However there is a part of me that wishes to fall in love with someone new again and feels regret about committing to someone when I was so young. What I don’t understand is the several times we’ve had a relationship crisis it would be him who wanted to leave. At those points the part of me that fantasizes about a new romance completely fades away and all I care about is getting him back again. Why is this?

Dr. Lisle answers: 1:18

Question #2: 35:40

I recently shared a passionate kiss with a married man. I'm worried the village might know. Small town and all. I don't want to be labeled as a bad person. This individual likely has their reasons. I believe they are going on 15+ years of marriage, a few kids, ect. Good looking guy in his mid 40's, business owner. If I get confronted, how do I put my words. To help people understand that men are inherently wife wife chippy and it may be understandable for them to kiss a random girl to feel like they are still valued in the market. I want to clarify I unexpectedly was the recipient of this kiss. But I didn't slap him and walk away. It was nice. I feel guilt over the matter and avoiding seeing anyone that may know. I'll let time ride this out and hopefully not have to deal with conflict. If I do, how would you suggest I handle it?

Dr. Lisle answers: 36:44

Question #3: 46:18

You focus a great deal of attention on mating strategies, mainly geared towards younger people who are making decisions about passing on genes and pairing up with the right person for resource security and safety. But what about people over 55 who are no longer worried about procreating and looking for financial stability? Are they following the same strategies when looking for a mate or companion? What is driving them?

Dr. Lisle answers: 46:45

Outro 1:04:01

YouTube: @beatyourgenes

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Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.

Question 1: How do I get back to being happy with so much violence and negativity swirling around in the news and in the world? No matter what has been going on in my life, I have always tended to be happy and optimistic, but recently it feels like everything seems pretty bleak in the world and it is bringing me down. I truly don't have any reason to be unhappy- I am part of a magic 10% marriage, I have a good job and great friends and make good money, and truly, want for nothing, but I am fighting feeling sad and anxious about everything going on around me even though I don't watch the news and am not on social media.

Question 2: Dear Dr. Lisle, I’m a 25 year old woman and I am unmotivated, have no career, no passions or purpose in life because my family is extremely rich. I am set to inherit a ton of money (tens of millions of dollars) from my parents, so basically I am set for life if I do absolutely nothing for the rest of my life. I didn’t go to college because I knew I was going to inherit all this money and I didn’t think it was worth it. Now, I literally don’t know what to do with my life. Other people need to work to live. I have more money than they will ever make in their lifetime and I didn’t even do anything to earn it. My parents tell me to do whatever I want because I’ll be rich anyway. I’m embarrassed to date because I have no interesting personality characteristics; I have no career, I’m unmotivated, no passions, no purpose in life. I’m just a spoiled rich girl who inherited daddy’s money, who’s going to love me for who I am? How am I going to spend the next 50 years of my life? I feel unmotivated to do anything because I’m already rich but then I feel guilty for having nothing to offer to the world. What should I do?

Intro 0:00

Question #1: 0:55

Dr. Lisle answers: 1:44

A threshold has been reached 41:53

Understand economics 42:10

Question #2: 46:52

Dr. Lisle answers: 47:55

Outro 1:08:40

YouTube: @beatyourgenes

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Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, we discuss staying a virgin until marriage, and what to consider when having second thoughts before marrying.

I am a 32 year old female, Catholic and I want to wait until marriage to have sex. Not 10 paid dates, but marriage. However, it seems that nowadays no one is willing to wait. All the religious men I know that are my age are already married or even they didn’t wait. I don’t know what to do. I am still a virgin even at my age and I don’t want to give up my values just because men are used to living in an over sexualized world and want instant gratification. How do I approach this problem?
I’m a 45 year old female and about to get married for the first time but have second thoughts. A few years ago I met a man and he is now my fiance and we live together. He is very nice, smart, has a good personality, and is fairly attractive, but I never had intense passionate feelings for him. I never got those "butterflies" I would get whenever I had a crush. I should also note that I’ve never been in a relationship because I never felt ready and have always been busy with other things, and therefore wasted my 20s and 30s from a dating standpoint. My fiance and I get along very well, but a lot of the time it feels more like a comfortable friendship. I would love to have a passionate and meaningful relationship, but I feel that at my age, the good and attractive men have all been taken a long time ago. If I let him go, the older I get, the harder it will be to find someone. However, it also feels that by marrying him, I’m doing both of us a disservice. I also don’t want to be single at this point in my life. Should I go ahead and marry him even if I’m not in love with him?

Intro 0:00

Evolution of politics 1:00

About 10 paid dates comment from last show 7:00

Question #1 about Staying Virgin until Marriage 12:58

Question #2 about having second thoughts in upcoming marriage 35:30

Wrapping up 57:45

Outro 58:31

YouTube: @beatyourgenes

X: @beatyourgenes

Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In Today's show, we discuss a listener's struggle with being attracted to men her own age, and then Dr. Lisle discusses a question about whether 10 paid dates strategy is outdated. To listen to past episodes that discuss 10 paid dates, check out episodes 18, 22, 35, 96, 151, 164, and 284.

Today's questions:

I’m a 41 year old female. A combination of good genetics, good diet, exercise, good skincare, staying out of the sun have allowed me to look like I’m in my late 20’s even though I am actually 41. I always looked younger than my age and I have what is called a “baby face.” I’m not at all a narcissist, but I would rate myself a 9 even at my age. As a result, I don’t find any of the men my age to be attractive. i have dated men in their 20’s and they were definitely attracted to me, but were turned off when they found out my age, even though I look much younger. My question is, how do I get myself to be attracted to men my age? I find them repulsive.
Is the 10 paid dates rule outdated? I spoke to many guys about this and they said that if a girl waited for 10 dates they would assume she is not attracted to them and move on, or that she is just using them to get free meals. They said if they pay they also want something in return. A few have also said that sexual compatibility is a factor in deciding whether they want a relationship with this person, so they wouldn’t enter into a relationship with someone they don’t know they are compatible with. For these reasons do you think that by following the 10 date rule women are missing out on great guys who are misinterpreting their intentions?

YT: @beatyourgenes

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Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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A visionary physician and author, beloved husband, father, grandfather, brother, mentor and friend, Dr. McDougall died peacefully in his sleep at his home on Saturday, June 22nd, at the age of 77. Dr. McDougall leaves behind a profound legacy and in today's show, Dr. Lisle shares some stories and memories of Dr. McDougall.

YT: @beatyourgenes

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Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In Today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses the overlap of Big Five traits in normal human behavior and how to understand the conceptual framework rather than getting bogged down in formulaic thinking. Our next question has to do with anti-anxiety medications and whether they are ever worth taking. Then we wrap things with a question about being in a great marriage to a best friend but whose romance is fading.

The big five traits overlap way too much! for ex is someone nice because they are agreeable or because they are extremely conscientious and believe it is the right way to behave or are they just intelligent enough to understand that being nice is an advantageous strategy to get people to cooperate with them? any new developments in the field of personality?
Are there any situations or personality types where you believe taking anti-anxiety medications would be a good choice? Versus just seeing a good anxiety therapist like Dr. Laura Bruce who most likely isn't covered by their insurance anyway? For example, I am high in neuroticism, also high in conscientiousness.. but also impulsive.. and I'm currently working a high pressure job to pay off a low interest loan. But the job is stressful (I came into it and discovered they were operating at a -160k deficit, I'm being transparent with the board but we are still operating at a big deficit and might need to close within a year or two).. and my friend keeps telling me to get some anti-anxiety meds. In this case, if I need to do something like work a stressful job for a year, should anti-anxiety meds still be off the table? Why or why not?
What does a position of power with respect to marriage look like. For me the biggest threat to leaving a marriage is loneliness. I’m not a super out going guy and I fear that growing old without her companionship will be very depressing. My wife is my best friend and the few friends I do have are couple friends we both share. My issue is that the sexual romance side of it is fading. We both have decent paying jobs so financially we could comfortably figure it out if we did decide on splitting. I’m also not worried about the one child we have together we are both on the same page that our job is just to give him a good life experience. The main issue is we are best friends and I understand that is partly because our lives are literally interdependent. Separating may server that bond.

YT: @beatyourgenes

X: @beatyourgenes

Insta: @Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. Today's topics are about people who seek and only feel relief if they have deep understanding about certain subjects, a parent who appears worn out from an estranged adult child, and a young man unsure about a long-term relationship.

Listener Questions:

Throughout my life, I continue to encounter people who have a deep attachment to understanding. They seem to only feel satisfied, secure or at peace if they understand their object of attention, feel they have a concrete plan of action, or believe that they know all the details there are to know about a situation. Not having these things leaves them anxious, unsteady or even prone to despair. What personality and evolutionary factors are at play here?
Most "experts" blame the parents when their adult children estrange from them. Even when there was no abuse, neglect, drugs,etc when they were growng up, and their childhood seemed pretty normal and enriched with activities, family vacations, etc. Is there something else going on? Trying to reconnect or talk may yields a peripheral relationship, meaning once or twice a year a text or phonically for the holiday, yet as older parents, we not only lose closeness with our own children, but our grandchildren grow up unaware of who their grandparents are. The question is, as a parent of two out of three adult children, am I wrong to just be worn out from hoping and trying and wanting to just wish them well now, and move on with my life? It's been so many years they seem like strangers to me anyway.
I'm curious to know more about the 'magic 10%' and how that is impacted by personality. For context, I'm a 32 year old male dating a 30 year old female. I'm high in conscientiousness, low in neuroticism, slightly more disagreeable, slightly more open and slightly more introverted. I've had many sexual partner's over the years, mostly by female's approaching me (I feel gross writing this but think it is relevant for context) but was never in the right frame of mind to settle down. Now I am in my 30s and want to start a family. I have started dating a beautiful girl who I have strong feelings for, though I'm unsure if it is love. She is high in neuroticism, and middle of the road in most other traits. She very much loves me and I really enjoy her affection and spending time with her. I'm unsure how much my personality prevents me from feeling the love that she feels as it is evident to me that she loves me more than I love her. We have started talking about the future, kids, house etc and these are things that we both truly want. My line of thinking is simliar to a 'close enough is good enough', although I know that sounds crass. I would like to know this information as I don't want to turn around one day and have ruined this beautiful girl's life/wasted her time as these are very important years for her in particular.

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Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD, discuss the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.

What do you make of the common description that narcissistic/highly disagreeable people “wear a mask.” Do high disagreeables go around actively and purposefully fooling people about their true feelings and intentions any more than other people do? We all try to put on a good face for the most part, but is this actually more true for certain personalities types?
I discovered your podcast a while ago, and I've been fascinated. However, something sat not quite well with me, and that is that I couldn't integrate my experience of trauma within your framework. I've been raised by Narcissistic people, and ever since then, I found myself regularly in Close relationships with various narcissistic people. As far as I understand you, this is purely because those can be attractive people and has nothing to do with my upbringing. And I think it does; I think that simply my cost benefit analysis has been skewed that way: that I would consider my parents being worth my while and to avoid cognitive dissonance, I would also accept bad treatment from other people. Or is Cognitive dissonance not a thing in evolutionary psychology? I'd be glad if you could comment on that.

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Watch this episode on Youtube! @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses a listener question with host, Nathan Gershfeld.

In episode 328 dr lisle answered a questioner who was frustrated about their lower income relative to friends. One aspect of that question was that life isn’t always about making money or climbing dominance hierarchies. In fact the very same instincts to keep pursing more can lead you to being unhappy. How then does one navigate when to pursue more and when to beat the genes? Are there any rough approximations for gauging this?

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Watch this episode on Youtube! @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website: http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss twin studies, behavioral genetics, and the logic of evolutionary psychology with host, Nathan Gershfeld

Paper mentioned : https://tinyurl.com/j3c7tbt7

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Watch this episode on Youtube! @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discuss the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld

I’m a 29 year old economics major and I’m frustrated because I see friends who have gone into investment banking, big law or medicine on track to make 5-10x my yearly salary. I’m making a decent living on 60k a year but I feel like an idiot for choosing my major and now it feels too late to change. What would you have to say for someone in my position? It feels like I squandered an opportunity. I know life is not just about making money but it’s a hard thing to ignore.
My daughter is a good student and athlete, but she has low self-esteem. How can I help her increase her confidence?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Watch this episode on Youtube! @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website: http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld

Today's question:

Is psychology doomed to remain a pseudoscience based on the crowd of people who self select to go into psychology? Im a university student and it from what i can tell, the vast majority of my peers and lecturers have no interest questions like why are we this way, how did we get here? Could it have happened any other way? Instead they are mainly just interested in having self serving theory that make them feel comfortable. With one of my lecturers, i was having a conversation about Norway's adoption studies showing that adopted children had their income, criminality and income correlated with their biological parents and not their adoptive parents. My lecturer said to me “i wouldn’t want to live in a world where genes are all that matter”. It feels to me that the major obstacle to psychology is the 90% of psychologists who think this way, and that no matter how solid the arguments from the other side will be, they will just keep thinking what makes them comfortable and call it a “scientific consensus”.

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD & social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following situation with host, Nathan Gershfeld:

I cheated on my husband three years ago while traveling for work. It was a one-night stand and we didn't exchange numbers or keep in contact. I don't even know his last name. Until last month, I've never told anyone about this event. At the time I cheated, I didn't really care because my marriage was rocky and I felt unappreciated. But my huusband and I reconnected during quarantine and I started to feel extremely guilty. Last month, I thought I would try going to confession with my parish priest. He said I need to tell my husband as part of my penance. I wasn't really sure how to do that, so I've sat on it. Last weekend, I came home to my husband throwing all of my stuff out of the bedroom and trying to kick me out of the hoouse. He knows everything. Apparently, the priest followed up to see if I'd told my husband, and when my husband said he didn't understand what the priest was talking about, he told my husband about the affair. My whole world is exploding because I thought confession was supposed to be private. Does the priest have any kind of liability or responsibility? What can I do?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Watch this episode on Youtube! @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld:

Help! My son just turned 8. He has acquired part of his personality from my mother- he can be loud and will overreact or get really angry about things. This includes being told he needs to stop an activity because we are leaving the house, etc. I am trying to help him manage these outbursts because kids are starting to make fun of him at school for them. Do you have any specific strategies that would help or should I focus more on his diet and sleep? He is normally a sweet boy and these outbursts have improved with age but I feel he needs more support.
Is there anything that is the opposite of the ego trap when you have been repeatedly told negative things like that you are worthless and will never amount to anything? If the ego trap is demotivating, is hearing the opposite motivating? If so, can't it also be extremely demotivating as well, especially if your mind is doing a CB analysis of the possibility of success and whether the energy output is worth it, but the people around you are saying that you won't succeed?
I have an aunt who is so solipsistic, doesn't enquire about anyone else and is disagreeable. Sitting across the table from her, it's difficult to understand how someone can be so blind to the life of others and narcissistic. She's was divorced by 2 prior husbands. Is disagreeable behavior like this related to the "theory of mind" module and if so can you describe the various demarks on the "theory of mind" bell curve?

YT: @beatyourgenes

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Insta:

@Beatyourgenespodcast

Web: www.beatyourgenes.org

Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com

Jen Howk, PhD www.jenhowk.com

Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses the following listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld:

I'm trying to decide whether to go back to work a year after my second child, or to stay home with her till preschool. I have heard you say on your podcast 'it doesn't matter who raises your kids' which I understand to be a reference to twin studies that show that parents have very little influence on how their children turn out (outcomes are about 80% genetic). How do you square this with attachment theory, and psychologists who say that children need one primary caregiver for the first three years or they will be beset with anxiety and depression in their teen years. I am thinking of the book 'being there' by Erica Komisar in which she advocates very strongly for being a stay at home mother for the mental health of your children. I would like to have a third child, but being out of the workplace for 6 years would dent our finances and possibly my self esteem.
Dear doctors, I grew up in a Christian home but stopped going to church once I left home. All of my immediate family are still very religious and my parents financially support someone who was my best friend in high school, who has become a missionary. I find that dynamic very unfair and recently told both parties that I feel boundaries have been crossed. My friend asked my parents to stop supporting her but they refused. I feel betrayed by my parents. How do you advise I deal with the relationship moving forward? I’ve already ended my friendship but wish I could be emotionally closer to my parents.

Watch this episode on Youtube! @BeatYourGenes

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website: http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

Can all personality types be equally happy if they apply diligent effort to worthwhile goals? ie all other things being equal, would a low conscientiousness individual be as happy as a high conscientiousness individual if they both applied their version of diligent effort and equally felt they hadn't left 'anything on the table' (despite those levels of effort and results being very different)
You have previously characterized men as "pair bonders or not." How has on-line dating changed the CB here for both sexes?
I am 51, happily married for 2 decades and have 1 child. We recently had a huge fight regarding whether we have a responsibility to help others. We have a friend who had a messy, complicated divorce and is struggling financially while still fighting her ex in court over child custody and business matters. He is a lying, unpredictable scam artist . As much as I feel sorry for our friend, I would like to keep a distance from this situation. Last time we saw her my husband offered to pay for a lawyer, and an accountant. While we live comfortably, we do not have the money this woman would need to become unentangled. When we got home I started yelling that my husband should not have made this offer because we really cannot afford it and I don't want her criminal ex husband knowing that we are helping her. While my cavewoman instinct was to protect my financial stability, I found it more effective to (over)emphasize the physical threat this could have on me since my husband travels a lot and her ex knows where we live. The fight escalated as my husband accused me of being selfish, uncharitable, and unwilling to help. I said that my time and energy go into taking care of my home and our family. We have already given this friend money and our time over the years. From an Evo-psych point of view, I understand that I feel a threat to my resources (financially and emotionally) as well as safety. My husband does not see this situation at all like I do. Shouldn't a cave-man have the instinct to primarily care for his family (only) and not spread their resources to another man's family?? Sidenote: while my son likes her kids, I would like to avoid any possible bad influence as one is already dabbling with marijuana. So, threat to offspring is another concern... Please offer any insight you have.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

Watch this episode on Youtube! @BeatYourGenes

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

I have a friend who is very active in fighting for workers' rights. In fact he has a high level job in one of my country's major trade unions. He often organises protests, and is always the first person on the frontline with the megaphone. On a personal level, he is quite overweight, and I know for a fact does not help out much at home with housework and childcare. I used to think that social activists and social justice warriors were high conscientious types. But now I'm wondering if it is actually a mixture of disagreeableness and extraversion. Are people like Rosa Parks and Greta Thunberg, who we hold up as icons, conscientious or disagreeable, or a mixture of both?
I am a woman in my 30s and I struggle with severe social anxiety and it seems like no matter what I do I can't get better. I'm terrified of wasting any more of my life due to my fears and avoidance behaviors. It's even difficult for me to hold down a job long term because of how hard it is for me to perform in front of others all day. My love life is nonexistent and I don't know how to make friends. What is social anxiety exactly? Is it that I've been stuck in the ego trap for years because I fear status loss? How can I overcome this? I tell myself I have no status to lose but it doesn't help. I get so anxious at times I even dissociate. Counselors just tell me to push through it. Doctors just try to put me on medications. I am tired of being crippled with fear every day and watching my days pass me by. I know the life I want isn't going to come to me while I'm hiding at home. I want to have a life that is meaningful to me but I don't know what to do.
I've been with my husband for 5 years. When I am with him I feel so in love, we have lots of good sex, we talk about the future. To me, he's gorgeous. He can't believe how much I enjoy his natural scent. But something happens when he isn't around. I start doubting everything about our relationship, thinking it's going nowhere, that I married the wrong person. Some of my thoughts are we're broke, he's 15 years older than me, I settled down too soon. It feels like I hate him and that he robbed me of my future. Why is this happening? I can't understand how I can feel so in love and then feel so ambivalent.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener question:

Why do people love formulaic media and entertainment? Most of the pop music that dominates the charts is nearly identical. It uses the same four chords in the same progression with similar melodies and lyrical themes. Most of the blockbuster films that gross massive amounts of money tell variations on the same story with similar effects, music, and actors. This seems even more pronounced in the era when massive franchises like Marvel and Star Wars reboot and re-hash the same stories/characters over and over… and over. Even content on TikTok or instagram tends to be made from a formula— the influencers tend to look the same, use the same music, and say/do the same things. Whether in music, film, TV, or social media, we seem to be stuck in a rut where very little “original” art rises to the surface. I know there is a pleasure trap aspect to this, but I am curious why the majority of our human brains find this type of content so appealing to begin with. Why do we seem to get so much enjoyment from reliving the same experiences? Why do we find these particular types of media so fascinating?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD, social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD, and Nathan Gershfeld, DC discuss the following listener questions:

I am curious about the work of David Sinclair from Harvard about his anti-aging research. He makes some pretty fantastic claims. He does, for example, advocate for a plant-based diet, but then talks quite a bit about supplements, including prescription drugs like Metformin. I also heard him say that although plant-based diets are good, we must avoid foods that spike blood sugars - like rice and grapes. Aren't those whole foods? Grapes, really? What do they think of Dr. Sinclair's work...work considering or majoring in minor things?
I’m on the highest end of a healthy weight range even on a whole natural foods diet composed of fruits vegetables whole grains and legumes, with at most 1 avocado per week and 1 tsp of flaxseed per day. No nuts or seeds. I’ve lost weight before by restricting and over exercising, but I couldn’t maintain it. However I felt much more confident at this lower weight (about 10-15 lbs thinner than I am now). As women there’s a lot of pressure to be thin. How do I get over my desire to be thin? Is this something I can ever get over? I think about it every day and am tired of thinking about this.
Is the thicker persons' metabolism or spontaneous recovery different from the genetically skinny person? i.e. if your genetics figured out your survival success by having you eat more, weigh more and get more resources, won't your body be genetically predisposed to continue those successful survival instincts that helped in your survival before?
I’m having difficulty distinguishing the difference between eating intermediately to grit myself through the extinction curve of a condition cram circuit and eating under the hunger drive. How do I know if I’m eating intermediately or eating under the hunger drive when I got through this process ? Is there like a rule of thumb you would suggest we follow e.g 1 plate of food then nothing for a couple of hours??

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld, DC

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Fasting Supervision: www.FastingEscape.com

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

If I am understanding what you have said in the past about decision making and free will, the main thing that changes/influences our behavior is new information. So, we really don't have "free will" in our decision making like we think? If this is true, does it mean that -- if we want to have more control or positive results in our decision making -- rather than "trying harder" or "thinking more clearly" we should fastidiously study the situation and accumulate the most information possible. Then we kind of sit back and see what our computer-brain-cost/benefit/analyzer ultimately decides -- even though we like to think WE are making the decision? Maybe I have this wrong. Can you elaborate?
I love learning about evolutionary psychology because everything makes so much sense. However, this knowledge often makes me sad because I now realize how many things I can't change, specifically I can't make my disagreeable husband nicer. Do the doctors ever feel this way? Any tips for not feeling defeated?
Generally advice givers tend to give big picture advice. However, from listening to the doctors I see much more attention paid to the little minute to minute and hour to hour processes of any meaningful goal. For example, the whole concept of running experiments is to change conditions at the granular level to see if they result in a meaningful difference in affect that supports the general direction someone wants to move in. Why is it that people tend to ignore the small details of change? Is it because they are not very interesting I.e they don’t really sell books?
Which political system is best aligned with human nature? And if we could click our fingers and make it happen, what would that look like in reality?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

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Social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following topics:

I loved your last podcast about Buddhism and other perspectives in psychology. I'd love to hear more of your perspectives on spirituality such as how you would describe the personality profiles of popular gurus Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle. They both claim to have been in close to catatonic states of misery/depression, suicidal and then overnight, woke up enlightened. If it's not enlightenment, what are they experiencing? I'd also like to hear your views on other personality profiles such as influencers who end up being con artist and other weird, modern day criminals.
Can all personality types be equally happy if they apply diligent effort to worthwhile goals? ie all other things being equal, would a low conscientiousness individual be as happy as a high conscientiousness individual if they both applied their version of diligent effort and equally felt they hadn't left 'anything on the table' (despite those levels of effort and results being very different)
I am curious how you would define a “sentient” organism. Does sentience even exist? If we are simply a system of electrical signals that indicates our next action based on a pre-programmed reward/punishment function, then are we truly more “sentient” than the AI personalities currently being built by OpenAI and Google, etc? How and where do we draw the line between an organism or machine that is sentient and one that is not? Do you think this should any implications for the construction and ownership of AI personalities and computer-based neural networks? Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses the following listener questions:

I have read "Blueprint" many times and am still learning so much from that book. It is obvious to me how much of who we are and what we do is heritable. So, what do you do when no one else gets that? Or knows that? Recently I was having coffee with good friends and they were discussing a mother of one of them who is a serious hoarder. The conversation went on forever while they tried to decide why she is like that...bad childhood, loves collecting stuff, mean husband, etc. Finally, I suggested "genetics" and they all stopped, looked at me in horror, and went right back into all their own opinions. Finally, to avoid getting frustrated with everyone, I had to leave. This kind of thing happens all the time as people talk openly about their kids, husbands, friends, etc. I feel like I can't have an interesting or intelligent conversation with anyone, anymore.
I believe that a lot of my problems stem from the fact that my cost-benefit mechanism is faulty! I can never decide on a course of action and tend to miss out on things because I can't come to a decision as to which option is best. I've jumped from job to job throughout my life, I'm now 50, but have never achieved anything career wise due to indecision and the feeling the grass is always greener on the other side. This spills over into every aspect of life as I'm constantly comparing myself to others and their achievements and feel I'm a failure in comparison. Is it too late to do something about my over analysing of everything and is there a way to make my internal machinery stop going around in circles and finally reach some sort of a conclusion? Thanks very much from someone who thought they'd never make sense of humanity until discovering evolutionary psychology!
How do you find the balance between “trying” (gritting through something), or alternatively focusing on changing an environmental variable or circumstance. Based on carefully listening to the Drs discussing motivational dilemmas and procrastination it all comes down to a C/B analysis (most of which in unconscious). Therefore what rule of thumb or questions do you ask yourself to know when it is a good idea to potentially grit something out so you can “go up a learning” curve or instead focus your energy on changing something in the environment? To put this into context, I find my job boring… really boring… I can barely focus on the subject matter without my brain wondering, I can also see that if I focused for a few weeks or so and was diligent I would do better and start receiving positive feedback which could change how I feel i.e chane the C/B. So what’s the procedure here? How can I tell if I should be gritting it out or changing some variable in my environment.
Do men only love their children for as long as they love their mother? I’m a divorced single mom with two small children. I live in Florida while my ex lives in Colorado and he never comes to visit his children and rarely even calls them. He seemed like a loving father when we were together. When our marriage was falling apart, he seemed to care less about the children. Even though he says he loves them, his actions don’t show it. I have sacrificed so much for these children and love them more than I love my own life, while he’s happy just paying child support and sitting on the sidelines while I do all the work. I’m not complaining at all, I actually prefer it this way, I’m just baffled at how men who claim to love their children can spend years without seeing them. I have many divorced friends in this same situation. It seems to me that men only love their children for as long as they love the mother. Is this true? Is a man’s love for his children dependent upon how much he loves the mother? Even King Henry VIII was an example of this.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

Do the realizations of Buddhism hold any credibility through an evolutionary psychological lens? Does suffering really come from unfulfilled desires? Why would we evolve to have an unsatiable drive of desires which leaves us suffering?
Why is psychology the only field in which evolutionary psychology is controversial? Biologists, computer engineers studying AI and neurologists will all happily discuss evo psych. The most fierce reactions come from other psychologists.
Why was hitting kids as discipline so normal throughout history and many cultures today. We now know it has many detrimental effects, so why does it come so naturally or intuitively to humans?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

A while back, you mentioned that when someone is financially strained, they can behave as though they are 10 IQ points lower than they actually are. Can you expand on that? In addition, if someone is obscenely wealthy, would you expect that they also would behave differently - maybe also lower IQ? I ask this because a close friend of mine has recently started earning a lot of money, he's 25 and is now making a 7 figure income. For context, he didn't just hit an actual lottery, he's very smart, with a reputable job in a highly specialized field, but he'll do wild, dangerous things that I consider lower IQ. Is it because he thinks he can bail himself out of any mess with enough money? I can't help but wonder if he would be less reckless if he was making a normal income for his age.
If emotions are our response to environment to help us survive and reproduce, and we want to beat our genes, should we not focus on understanding and reshaping our emotional response before engaging in rational and analytical activities? If emotions are unresolved, wouldn't that cloud or impair our cognitive abilities? I ask this because a close friend, a conventional therapist, is at odds with me when I discuss what I hear on this show. He tells me of all these success stories of his clients as he explains that he is reshaping their emotional responses with his therapy method. I am a layperson in this field so maybe I'm missing something but how could my friend see so much success if his approach is not based at all on evolutionary psychology?
Dr. Lisle - you say that men want to pair bond up. So a 7 will want to pair bond with an 8 or higher. What trade-offs do the Dr's think men would take in order to have 2 permanent pair bonds simultaneously? I'm not even sure men want this, but Dr. LIsle has talked about wife, wife, wife, chippy. Would that same 7/10 male settle down with two 6s vs holding out for just one 8 or 9? Obviously there's no correct answer but I'd love to hear Dr. Lisle and Jen's best guess on this.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

How does one go about getting an objective personality test? I have a friend that constantly mentions that they are cursed with being highly conscientious and very agreeable. However most others in our friend group find them not very conscientious, and highly disagreeable. How does low intelligence impact distortions in ones own perceptions of their personality, and possibly reality in general?
I am a very agreeable female married for many years. My husband and I very occasionally disagree and I find I need to stand up for myself. He stays calm and I get really anxious in an argument and even end up saying things I don’t even mean in the heat of it all which upsets me and him. Can I learn to stand up for myself but be calmer and if so can you help me with how to do this.
In a great relationship, would a woman feel more comfortable if her mate was right more often than she was during disagreements?
I know that a child’s personality can go through a kind of dramatic evolution from a young age to adulthood. For instance, I know a very pleasant, agreeable young man who was quite obnoxious when he was 10. And I would suspect that this development is all genetic, and that an identical twin would also be obnoxious at 10 and pleasant at 18. I am wondering if there is a continual evolution of the personality as an adult that is genetic. For instance, I know a woman who became increasingly bitter over the years. Is she likely more bitter at 55 than 18 due to circumstances or due to genetics?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses the following questions:

I find snobbish behavior fascinating (sometimes irritating, sometimes amusing), but I don’t really understand the evolutionary basis of it. What are the basic motivations behind and effects of snobbish behavior? Is it insecurity and an attempt to hijack unearned or unwarranted status, a combination of personality traits, or something else?
My husband is 56 yrs old obese,smokes all day and eats the SAD diet and does not exercise. He just got a colonoscopy he has diverticulosis,internal hemorrhoids and 3 polyps removed.We are waiting on pathology report.His cholesterol is high and is pre diabetic.I have been trying to motivate him to make some changes to his diet or lifestyle but I have failed.Now he even gets irritated with me taking about it. I’m whole-foods, plant-based and exercise daily.I’m really getting frustrated.What should I do?
I am pregnant and in my readings on parenting, I came across the hotly contested topic of infant sleep. In short, the sleep training camp believes that babies need to be taught how to sleep independently, and that the “cry it out” method does not cause any harm. Their rhetoric is heavy on the idea that babies are manipulating their parents and if the parent doesn’t sleep train, then they are creating terrible habits and will be trapped by their child’s sleep. The anti-sleep training camp believes that babies naturally want to be close to their caregiver (like other carrying mammals) and that the “cry it out” method is cruel and does not work. They believe that sleep training ruins the secure attachment that babies need, and that babies who have responsive parents will develop into more independent and secure children. I think the cry-it-out method is biologically inappropriate, but I also don’t know if I believe that it has the capacity to cause long-term harm. I also think that disagreeable parents are more likely to sleep train. At the end of the day, it seems like it all comes down to personality, and the best my husband and I can do is hope that we get a baby as agreeable as the two of us. What are your thoughts on sleep from an evopsych perspective?
Do you have any tips on how to pursue physical intimacy as a single, young woman if you are not finding a proper "pair bond" partner . Ive been single for about two years, so far haven't met anyone who would qualify as a proper boyfriend but have a strong craving for intimacy. I already follow your tip to delay sex to not get hurt but I still do not want to miss out on the cuddling, intimacy, attraction part. Do you have any tips on communication skills and how to spot qualities in a partner who might be able to provide that?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

For consults, visit www.EsteemDynamics.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss a very misleading graph in a recent paper published in Lancet Journal along with the following listener questions:

1.To what extent would you say children, money and marriage contracts keep sub-par relationships intact today vs. the lesser stickiness of relationships in the stone age. This isn't always a bad thing, right? Parents are raising kids and everyone gets to keep more of their wealth. What's the harm- why bother splitting things up in the hopes of finding a magic 10. Isn't the conservation of energy circuit just doing what it does?

I am stuck in a loveless marriage. I had a steady career making six figures as a pharmacist. I hated my job, but I was stuck because I was over $500,000 in debt. I then met a rich man who promised me if I married him I wouldn’t have to work another day in my life. He paid off my student debt. So I agreed to marry him. Five years later, I am miserable. I never loved him, but I also feel like I have no purpose in life. I do nothing besides sleep, eat, exercise and attend social events. He has maids, cooks, nannies and tutors taking care of everything a woman normally would. The sex is awful, most of the time I just lie there waiting for him to finish and pretend to enjoy it. He loves and is attracted to me, but now even the sight of him repulses me even though he did nothing wrong. Now I am stuck in a dilemma: do I stay in a loveless marriage and comfortable life, forgoing my chance at ever finding true love, or do I leave, go back to a job I hate and have a chance at finding true love? I am a 32 year old female and he is 45
Dear doctors. I've been with my wife for a couple of decades. She was always very physically beautiful and I was very overrewarded up until we had kids several years ago. She is still the best person I know, however she has lost the looks and the dopamine doesn't drive me to seek her the way it use to. I've tried to talk to her about this, but she is pretty firm in her stance that I have to take it or leave it. I love my kids too much to leave the relationship, but I know deep down I would be happier with someone who I am attracted to physically. Do I do what my dad did and stick out an unhappy marriage for the kids? Or do I make the exit plan that most men seem to always do?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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Evolutionary Psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD, and Harvard social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD. discuss physical attractiveness & general health, whether a relationship can fall apart from a simple misunderstanding, choosing one passion from many, and finding the courage to make hard decisions about a relationship.

Study mentioned: "Physical Attractiveness & CardioMetabolic Risk" https://doi.org/10.1002/ajhb.23895

Q1: Do physically attractive people have an easier time developing attractive skills? I'll give an example because I'm having trouble wording this: on shows like American Idol, more often than not when someone can sing, they are physically attractive. I know that that instance is probably just selection bias by the editors of the show, but it got me thinking: are attractive people on average born with more attractive genes which are also better at developing attractive skills?

Q2. Is there anything one can do to improve chances of “qualifying” for a pair bond besides following the “10 paid dates” rule? Or if it’s more like, either you do or don’t qualify and it’s out of one’s control. Is it that all one can do is just wait and see?

Q3: I am a very conscientious and passionate person with varied interests. When I become interested in something, I consume all the information I possibly can and eventually move on to another hyperfixation. I am trying to figure out a career path, but feel a bit like a master of none, despite having more knowledge on niche topics than anyone else I know. Evopysch is appealing because it is a topic that contains all other topics, but making a career out of Everything seems insurmountable. How can I use evopsych to try and figure out what topics are worth building a career around when I feel equally passionate about all of them?

Q4: I am with a man (he's 26, Im 25) who has been my best friend for many years. I love him a lot and honestly think in terms of compatibility I might never find someone better. He makes me really happy in my daily life. However, the sex and intimacy is almost forced on my part. He doesn't turn me on as much as my previous partners. The sex quality is good and he'd do anything for me. But I'm always relieved when it's over. I also am still sexually and romantically interested in other men . How do I navigate this situation? As we are long distance I often find myself having the urge to cheat as he might never find out.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewees: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Howk discuss:

You talk about Tears, Anger, Force, Fraud and Free Trade RA strategies. Why did you exclude sex from this list? And in particular, women dangling sex to get men to do stuff. I guess we can ideally put this in the FREE TRADE category, but sex can be gotten by using any of these other RA strategies too I suppose. Anything more to add here?
Do the doctors have any thoughts on the ability of people in different socioeconomic situations to be friends, or maintaining friendships when socioeconomic situations that were similar become disparate? I am in my 40s and have remained close with a group of four other women from college. We all come from upper middle class backgrounds and are professionals doing pretty well. However, one of my friends has become wealthy. I feel that this causes some resentment and awkwardness between her a couple of other women who become irritated with her and don’t seem to believe that she could possibly have any problems. My friend who is wealthy is pretty humble and neither brags about nor conceals her circumstances, but this happens nonetheless. This has me wondering generally about how important similar socioeconomics are to friendships and why. When problems arises due to this difference, it there a way to beat our genes in order to preserve friendships?
Can Dr Lisle discuss if he has any views on the feminisation of modern desk based/ office jobs. To me the majority of knowledge work in the corporate world feels better suited to gathering oriented nervous systems as opposed to hunter oriented nervous systems, especially when you look at the nature of the recognition culture in corporations. It seems like it is very much suited to align with the types of reward structures women would seek out. How might this impact the feelings of excitement, boredom or fulfilment for people who are not inclined in this way?
I was trying to think about patriarchy/son preference through the lens of evolutionary psychology. Here's what I came up with: As far as I can tell, this tendency tends to be stronger in traditional societies with a strong emphasis on marriage. Males are willing sleep down under casual mating strategy but want to sleep up with a fancier females if pursuing long-term mating strategy. In a marriage-type situation the male's offspring will probably be fancier/more desirable than he is. If that male has a son who, in turn, pair bonds with an even more attractive female, his grandkids will be fancier still. But if he has a daughter, she might have to marry "down" to secure resources for her future offspring, in which case the original male's grandkids won't be as "desirable". Could a son preference basically just boil down to the hope that, by "marrying up" generation after generation, the original male's genes will eventually out compete all his competitors and either take over the world or be all 10s?
What is unique about teen brains that make them so commonly giddy, laughing and joyous when hanging out with their friends? What's so funny? I'm so old I don't remember! Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Howk discuss the following questions:

I listened to your talk discussing whether humans actually have Free Will: If we, as an organism are just doing what we perceive is optimal for the species in survival and reproduction, does that mean that I should not be very angry at my father who cheated on my Mom repeatedly, divorced her, and spent the rest of his life hitting on women whenever one seemed available in front of him? It has bothered me my whole life and as his daughter I hate him for that. But of course, as I am agreeable, I have never told him that but deep down I resent him.
Does the average man prefer to make a higher salary than his spouse? And does the average man prefer to have a degree that is at least as advanced as his spouse? How does it affect a man if he makes less money than his wife, or is not as accomplished academically?
So I understand that women can't make themselves more attractive by earning more money, but all things being equal, will men generally select a woman making more money rather than less? Also, what about a woman who makes significantly more than a guy -- might that hurt her chances with him?
As a man how do I approach my partner about moving in and us signing a cohabitation agreement that everything is separate other than things we agree to in advance? She is very sensitive and think it will be a tough subject to talk about. I have a lot more money than she does and don't want any legal matters to be an issue later if we break up. Marriage is not in the cards. Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle & Howk review the following questions:

How do you reconcile Dr. Jen's potted plant theory with Dr. Lisle's ego trap? As someone that is over 90th percentile introverted and emotionally unstable I find I prefer to keep my world very small and do not have energy for much socializing outside of working full time in an office full of people. Sometimes people encourage me to push myself to socialize more but I'm content spending time at home with my spouse and animals - how would I know if I avoid socializing due to an ego trap or if I'm just designing a life that fits my big 5?
A friend of mine was recently dumped via text message. She was in a relationship with this man for about 6 months, everything was going well (both had been married previously and had teenage children). The breakup came as a complete shock to my friend. 6 weeks later the guy contacted my friend, appologised for dumping her and asked for a second chance. Is it possible he was seeing someone else and realised my friend was a better 'mate' option?
As a woman in my 50s who has eaten crap her whole life and fought her weight the whole time too, I have found that unless I quit my job, divorce my husband, drop all my friends, move to a cabin in the woods in total isolation with no form of communication or entertainment and never leave while growing my own whole foods, controlling everything in my environment is impossible and triggers and cravings are everywhere. (and some appear without any noticeable provocation and with a connection that only my brain can seem to find.). What can I do? I am trying to deprogram over 50 years of programming and habits and are surrounded by people who aren't even trying and surrounded by an industry and environment that is bound and determined to make me sick and fat. Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses in detail "Where does the evidence for evolutionary psychology come from?"

Our first question from a listener begins, " I am incredibly fascinated by EP and feel that I have learned so much from the show. I do wonder sometimes though when the questions get answered, what evidence/research is it based on? Assuming the conclusions are inferred... there obviously isn't a set of randomized control trial which provides the answers. I ask for my own interest but also as to provide additional weight to my recommendations to friends/family to learn about this area as I have been doing for the last couple of years. "

Question # 2 from a different listener: "What personality traits correlate with people who seek continual simple pleasures in place of higher achievements, even if their community values higher achievements? Such as people who choose alcohol over the success of their career or relationship, or who shirk responsibly because it feel "too hard" or "too much" for them?"

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

To schedule a consultation with Dr. Lisle, visit www.EsteemDynamics.com

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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Why do women fall in love with villains in romance novels? I was reading through my girlfriend’s provocative novels and the men in these books are not noble or kind, they are dark, twisted, cruel, violent criminals, stalkers, vampires, demons or devils. The sex scenes are aggressive and violent. An example I will never forget is the love interest, who is a stalker, violating the woman with a loaded gun and knife. Is there an evolutionary reason why women would like this? If this is what my girlfriend likes, I don’t even understand why she’s with me. I am exactly the opposite of these men.
I am in a relationship with a divorced man who is 15 years my senior, with two adults (or nearly adult) children. We've been together for about two years, and he just communicated that six months ago, he kissed a close friend of ours in our shared home. He said it meant nothing (they had a previous relationship) and the kiss was intended to signalize "closure" - that it was the first and last time that something like this has happened in our relationship. He has a history of adultery (his prior wife left him because of serial cheating). Should I trust that this is a one-off thing, or trust my intuition and take a painful step to end the relationship?
Afraid of being threatening to others, especially other women, I dress down, don’t wear makeup, don’t bother with my appearance, am obese. Is this a form of self preservation/protection? I always had poor social skills and to not get hurt, I isolate and dress down etc. Don’t know why I have poor social skills, I may be slightly autistic or asocial.
Given that people with less conscientiousness have more children, would it stand to reason that people in general are less conscientious than in the past? I would presume this might hold true in other areas -- for instance, wouldn't people with less intelligence also have more children? So over time, wouldn't we see less conscientiousness and lower intelligence in the population at large?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss artifical intelligence and some of their fears for the future. Then at 26:15, the discussion turns to answering these listener questions:

I am a frustrated serial monogamist female looking for my magic 10%. For the past six years, I’ve been in several long-term relationships. I enter every relationship with the hope that he is the one and the desire and dedication to make it last. However, after a year or so, I gradually realize that the person isn’t right for me, become disillusioned and fall out of love with him, and then am poached out by the next prospect. However, I never mean for this to happen, and it is painful every time. I am truly pair-bond oriented, but I am worried that my “inability to settle down” is sending casual mating signals. I am a very demanding person in all areas of life, including this one, which inadvertently makes me fall out of love with someone because they don’t meet my standards. I was like this even before discovering evolutionary psychology, but especially now. However, this has led to accusations from my parents of being unable to be satisfied by one man - crassly put, that I’m a whore. And I’m worried that future male partners will see it that way. How do I continue dating and exploring relationships in order to find that magic 10% without ruining my reputation? Should I avoid being intimate with someone for many months until I’m sure that they meet all of my standards? How do I avoid leading both myself and the other person on, and not trick myself into thinking that this will last forever? How do I cope with the fact that I may never find someone who makes me happy forever in that fairytale way?
My 35 year old daughter refuses to grow up, get a job and move out. She has a university degree but she doesn’t want to use it. It also seems like she doesn’t have any goals for herself. She says she wants to live with me forever. She also doesn’t want to get married or have children. It doesn’t bother me that she lives with me, but I feel like she’s wasting her life. How do I help her? What do I do? Please don’t tell me to kick her out or charge rent because I won’t do it. I love her too much and am too conscientious and agreeable.

3.My husband and I currently live in New York but want to move somewhere that better fits our values and lifestyle. We feel “politically homeless” and would like to avoid the insanity of either end of the political spectrum. We work remotely, are college-educated, vegan, plan to homeschool, and are non-religious… we know that no place is perfect, but would love to hear your thoughts on whether this warm, friendly, community-centered place exists, or if we are just looking for a unicorn.

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Howk discuss the following questions:

Has the team discussed how information overload impedes progress and making changes to one's health? I'd assume one can overdo information gathering, whether it's from podcasts, books, or blogs. As a clinician, how can we help clients get out of this stagnant, noncommittal place? Also, it seems to cause people a lot of stress and anxiety when they have too many thoughts going on in their heads. I have to imagine it gets to a point where it's harmful?
It was recently mentioned on the show that there isn’t any relationship that isnt a trade. I was hoping the doctors could discuss the trade aspect of a mother child relationship specifically from the mother’s perspective… as in what is she getting? I understand its the hormones that dictate the bond and that she is saving her genes.. is there more to it though like at some level is there also an awareness of gains from the children when they are adults in the future?
How much does a woman's income and occupational status matter to the typical man's nervous system in regards to pair-bonding? I've seen men express desire for high-earning women with high-status careers but am not sure if it is because these traits inspire pair-bond "love" feelings in men or if they are just viewing potential long-term relationships in a utilitarian way.

For the upcoming True to Life seminar, visit: www.TruetoLife.us

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld

Interviewees: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, PhD

www.BeatYourGenes.org

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Howk discuss the following questions:

Jordan Peterson mentioned briefly in a video that increasing oxytocin can increase agreeableness. He also gives advice that agreeable people can become more disagreeable by "waking the circuit up" if it's laying dormant in you. He thinks we have a wide range of genetic propensities, some that are switched on and it's possible to switch other propensities on. Is there evidence to support either of these theories?
Could the doctors talk about “social climbing”? I have family members who spend much of their free time and resources trying to networking with higher status people. They join different country clubs, go to fancy fundraisers, and will cancel plans with people they have known for years if an opportunity with a fancier new acquaintance arises. They often bring up income and status in conversation, which I find a bit off putting. I can’t decide if this is pseudo esteem seeking, personality cancer, or a legitimate way to make real connections that matter for extroverts. Can this pursuit lead to meaningful relationships?

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss the following listener questions:

How do you square the notion that there is "no 1 mate" (or job, friend etc) with the jealousy/abuse/ stalking (and worse) that happens in relationships. What type of general education on this concept could be offered to attempt to mitigate such costly stone age behavior. Related, can u talk about the treatment of battered women in your practice, how they do or don't escape? Buss claims one contributing cause of such behavior is patriarchal culture and institutionalized male dominance. Any truth to that or is this just genetic like everything else?
I have a frenemy (that is, a friend who was really an enemy) who I’ve long lost touch with, but whom I still irresistibly stalk on social media. She was very competitive with me in college, although I drastically outperformed her at the time (I was the dux and she was upper-middling). Nevertheless, she went on to similar feats as me, getting her PhD from Yale (again, the same as me). I see her subtweeting things about me occasionally and I wonder why, after not being friends for so long, we both harbour a malevolent obsession about each other? What is the evolutionary good of this? Neither of us stands to gain anything from this and we’ve both achieved what we wanted, showing that it wasn’t the zero-sum game we might’ve thought during our early college years. She has become a tenure-track professor while I started a very successful company and am now a millionaire. Why do we ruminate so much about enemies/frenemies, and how can be finally move on from them?
I was wondering what over population does to a society. I understand nothing is changing genetically but was curious how lived experiences differ between populated densely packed cities and villages/ towns. Is one better than the other for mental health?

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In our 300th episode (actually episode 301, but we wanted to save it for Dr. Howk), Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk take a break from solving listener problems and answering listener questions and instead turn towards answering some fun, personal questions.

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Upcoming seminar Sun, Feb 19: True to Life Seminar - visit www.TrueToLife.us to register. In this show, Dr. Lisle discusses:1. I am still trying to figure out genetics and evolution (I wasn't taught it), so I might be way oversimplifying this. If you get a set of genes from your parents and they get a set of genes from each of their parents, wouldn't you be able to track a certain genetic trait as being from either one of your parents or one of their parents?2. You have previously explained borderline personality. Can we have a refresher on this, and do you have a better moniker it?3. If you had to map out the very best way to get on the right track or stay on the right track for my health, What would be the best things for me to do?4. My organization is constantly trying to access and improve 'group performance' and there are a variety of corporate tools marketed to optimize the effectiveness of work Teams. Is this bunk or does this have any relevance. More broadly, what do you think of "Organizational Psychology?" and does this relate?5. My wife and I recently moved to a very exclusive neighbourhood. It’s a small, rich neighbourhood and we thought before we moved here that we would enjoy a lot of privacy and that people would keep to themselves. However, we have discovered to our horror hat we have extremely nosy, over-friendly, and slightly interfering neighbours. What can I do to enforce boundaries without falling out with them and potentially creating even bigger issues?

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In todays' show, the Dr's discuss:1. I am curious about an unpopular subject: systematic eugenics. Has "random” selection in the mating market already produced the best possible human genes combinations? Could we generate humans with drastically higher IQ, strength, size, speed, athleticism, beauty, etc? What do you think is the hypothetical limit of human genetic potential for outlier individuals and for the average of a population? This kind of discussion is often obscured by the obvious practical and ethical problems, rather than what it could theoretically achieve.2. My husband's daughter is extremely disagreeable, low conscientiousness, low intelligence, highly introverted, open to drugs and alcohol and unstable. She is in constant crisis and is constantly threatening suicide. My husband and I have really tried to be there for her and never miss a call, but her constant cries for attention are draining and have taken years off our lives. I don't want to discount anything that she is feeling but my and my husband's mental health are really suffering and we don't know what to do. 3. How do you respond to a child who has no recognition of their limitations? i.e. on the verge of being fired because they constantly call in "sick," show up late, don't do their job. Or the child who barely passed chemistry but says they are going to med school? Even if we say "That's great, but I understand med school is a lot of work" she gets mad and tells us and all her friends that we told her that she was a loser and a failure and because of us, she isn't going to med school anymore and instead she's stuck in a minimum wage job. Then she gets depressed at what might have been if we hadn't held her back. But if we say nothing, then she tries and fails (or fails to try) and becomes depressed and that somehow becomes our fault too.

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss the following question:1. Given that depression is inherently demotivating (because it is failure feedback that tells you to stop what you're doing), how might one 'bootstrap' oneself into more positive, motivated mood states? I wonder what people in the Stone Age village would have done to bounce back from failure feedback; it makes most of us want to curl into a ball and die. How does depression actually end up benefiting and motivating us?

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In today's show (episode 295), Dr. Lisle discusses the following questions:1. I am a 35 year old female and I don’t know what to do with my life. I have a bachelors degree in biochemistry and doctorate degree in pharmacy. I worked as a clinical pharmacist for a year but I got bored and I quit. Then I worked as a massage therapist, a real estate agent, and a dental hygienist. I got bored of these as well. They just didn’t satisfy me, even though I don’t even know what I’m looking for or what I want. My relationships are the same as my careers - casual at best with many different men. I really want to settle down in a career and relationship but I just seem unable to. What should I do?2. The euthanasia law changes in Canada to include mental illness as a valid reason seem deeply disturbing to me based on an evolutionary psychology perspective for people in the majority of situations. This would have been considered a "slippery slope" argument on euthanasia in the past, I cannot see how they are considered logical fallacies anymore at this point. What is your libertarian perspective on this issue given your wealth of knowledge within these areas?3. My son recently became disabled. If “finding yourself in good circumstances” is what leads to feelings of happiness, how will I ever feel happiness again? How could I ever feel “happiness” for him if everything about his life is now difficult and painful. These are not good circumstances. My pain and sadness for him and his future is indescribable.4. Can you discuss adrenaline rush and the people who seek it? especially with respect to free climbers.. i mean i get the status acquisition part but god are they crazy ? 5. I am curious about how homophobic sentiment arose in humans. Has it always been there?

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In our final show of 2022, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle have a discussion about current events and the year to come. For more information on their upcoming "True to Life" Seminar being held live & virtually on Feb 19th , please visit www.TruetoLife.us

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Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk are having a virtual seminar Sunday Feb 19, 2023. Visit www.TrueToLife.us for details! In today's episode, the Dr's discuss:1. Could you discuss cultural appropriation? Especially with regards to not sporting wigs etc I for one really admire when people dress up like people from my culture and use the same hair and face accessories even though in the past we were under colonial rule and oppressed.2. Are men, now, in a world where women also make a lot of money, willing to sleep down if they themselves don't make much money?3. In episode 288, teh Dr's talked about how one might stumble into a dream job - and exposed the dynamics that would have likely taken place. Could you help us get some idea of how young people in their 20s can increase the likelihood of stumbling into a good fit job.

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Announcements: -On Feb 19, 2023, Dr. Lisle & Howk are doing a Live Seminar called the True to Life Series. Registration link: www.TrueToLife.us-Episodes 294 & 295 will be released in the coming weeks. In today's show the dr's discuss: 1. Do people feel disgust for themselves when they are a minority in the village? Like you’ve said, disgust evolved not just out of a sense of right and wrong, but also out of infection and threat. So, my question is, do (racial, sexual, etc) minorities suffer because their internal audience will be in tune with the majority community's sense of disgust and/or threat around them? How important is it to have people who look, think, love, and are like you for your self esteem?2. What is the psychology behind interrupting people in conversation? I’ve read that we’re “wired to tie up loose ends” meaning that it feels good to tie up a thought that may get forgotten about or change as the conversation carries on. Also, do you think most people really listen to what we are saying or are they just waiting for their turn to speak?3. Can neuroplasticity be used to change personality ? or is it that the DNA remains the same thus the way new neurons or connections form is also predetermined ?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss:

1. How well does clinical evolutionary psychology explain and treat behavioural problems of children such as aggression or violence (often in cases even towards their own parents who have a reliable history of being loving and warm and not abusive). Any recommendations for literature/ reading sources/ books on psychology for people interested in dealing with aggressive kids?

2. I have been told often that men retreat from their romantic partner emotionally when they are upset, is that a gender difference in coping mechanisms or is it just that men are inherently less invested in relationships than women?

3. 1)what impact has women's education and empowerment had on gender dynamics? 2)if left to our primal instincts i.e. hypothetically if in a place where humans are born and there is no culture to begin with, would men be inseminating attractive women left right and centre forcefully/ by overpowering them (especially adolescent fertile girls) or is there now a genetic component of mutual consent seeking ?

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1. Why do men seem to be so enraptured by “ditzy” girls? They trip over themselves trying to take care of her. Is it an behavioral manifestation of attractive estrogen levels in the woman?

2. how did gratitude and gratefulness come to evolve in human beings. if one analyses it, it is an extremely complex highly advanced thought process about how bad a situation could have been and the fact that its not one must accept, acknowledge and recalibrate one's esteem cues and status so as to not be sad/depressed/ low about a certain event.

3. How does one’s personality influence the quality of the internal audience? I can imagine that someone higher in C would have a lower or maybe harsher internal audience.

4. I am curious about a few inferences I made about the interface between environment and personality. High conscientiousness and agreeableness implies a higher likelihood of accepting and following social norms. In other words, these genetic traits are responsible for preserving the cultural environment. On the other hand, a person with high conscientiousness but low agreeableness is more likely to develop and carry out their own credo, based more on their personal experiences and judgement. Does any of that pass the smell test, or better yet, is there research that supports or disconfirms any of it?

5. Over a period of million years, if we keep eating the way we eat (high fat salt sugar diet),would eventually those individuals get selected whose genetic variations are such that can tolerate the high fat diet and still survive for a hundred years. would that be a fitter, new species then ?

6. Could you explain empathy , the processes involved, the CB that we run, etc through the lens of evo psych. Also is empathy a cognitive process or it is a means to an end i.e. a signalling device?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

Dear doctors, although addiction has been discussed extensively already im still trying to piece it together, thus would like your comments on the following: In a state of anxiety, stress and depression where we are getting negative esteem cues and dopamine levels are low, a substance that boosts dopamine can take one from 20 to say 80 on pleasure scale, whereas if you are content and calm that substance may take you from a 60 to say 70 or 80 which the brain doesnt recognise as a significant increment. does this mean that poeple who are sad are much more likely to get addicted to substances, much like the harvard study revealed?
Do you think it would be beneficial to include evolutionary psychology in school curriculums? At what age would children be able to grasp and understand these concepts? What impact would an awareness of our instinct to grade attractiveness and our genetic constraints of majorly being attracted to people 20% above and below ( depending on mating strategy) have on human relations and behaviour? Would it ultimately enrich life experiences?
My dad was a smoker in his twenties. my mom told me that he gave it up after the birth of my elder sister. growing up i remember that there was a sealed packet of cigarettes in a certain drawer that never moved, which my dad had kept to remind himself of the fact that he had quit and to practise willpower. after learning about channel factors this seems like a stupid decision in retrospect. what may be your comments on this?

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In today's show, the dr's discuss:

How does evolutionary psychology approach the complex human need to understand how/why/when about the workings of the universe
hello! i am just curious how this podcast came into being and the aim behind it, as it appears to be an extremely altruistic dissipation of scientifically accurate advice and help. highly grateful for it. thankyou!
greetings! i am 23 years old, from a pretty conservative nation and feel i have missed out on many life experiences thus do not want a kid as i want the rest of my life completely for myself and for the pursuit of other achievements. today's seemingly increasingly apocalyptic world (due to climate change and resource shortage) further kills the desire to bring forth a child. i feel its the poorly lived childhood and early adult experiences that prevent me from wanting a kid. would it be possible to understand the psychology behind it with respect to the fact that childhood experiences don't shape our desires? why do some women not want kids?
Does having bad childhood experiences cause depression?
Who’s philosophers view of the world do you agree with the most? What does Dr.Lisle think of the view of ancient Greek atomists?

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1.What is the ideal level of exercise for one's health?

2. Five years ago, I was diagnosed with severe OCD. After two years of painstaking efforts, I successfully got off SSRI and recovered without the help of therapy sessions. During the height of OCD, my wife treated me with contempt, frustration, anger, hostility and total lack of compassion and patience. She justified that in the past - when were were still a new couple - that I was harsh, critical and rude towards her. How can I get over my resentments?

3. I feel like I am losing my mind in the dating world. I feel like men don’t want to lift a finger for a relationship. Much less to even meet a girl and get laid. I’m on a dating site and get multiple likes or matches a day. I talk to guys over the app and they quickly give up. I talk to some longer term, meet up and it’s like they don’t want to put much effort into getting together. I think that at least 70% of it has to do with my kid and that takes some work and maneuvering. And no one seems willing to do it! It’s like fast food dating or what?! I feel like I am over qualified for most these men, will settle for less, and I don’t hardly get a “what’s up babe”. It’s extremely frustrating and disappointing and makes me second guess myself every minute. I wish I could send you pictures of myself and pictures of these men I’d settle for and almost have to chase for their attention. I must be either uncalibrated or something has gone majorly wrong in the dating world.

4.I will be graduating from cosmetology school next month. As a professional hair stylist, tips will make up a significant part of my income. I am curious about the psychology of tipping. Is there anything that I can do to increase my chances of receiving a generous tip from my clients?

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In today's show, the Dr's discuss new evidence about anti-depressant treament and then discuss the following questions:

1. I think I have messed up my dopamine reward system and I don't know how to fix it or if I want to. I am early 40's, single and have been in many relationships. I don't have trouble attracting men. I think if I just decided it was time then I would settle for one but to me it is boring and mundane and I only feel excited by unpredictable, magnetic dynamics with men. For the last couple of years I've had an online FWB who lives overseas. He has a bit of a high profile and so the reward I felt from attracting him and engaging with him long term has been really high. Now that I attracted someone so unattainable I can't get excited about anyone else. I didn't used to be like this. I had plenty of loser bfs in the past. Wtf is wrong with me? And if I don't fix it, will I end up alone and be a miserable old person?

2. My partner’s parents are in their early 70s and still love what they do, jumping out of bed to start work each day as they did 40 years ago. Both work in creative fields. It’s not clear if they found the perfect careers, or if they would take the same excitable, have-at-it attitude to any path they had followed. Are people who find their dream job genetically predisposed to do so? Is it in their own personalities to work with such passion and positivity or does everyone have that potential, if the right job comes along?

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In today's show, Dr. Jen Howk discusses some current events.

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In today's show, the doctor's discuss:

If your relationship status is single, would you only look to someone with your diet lifestyle as someone you'd only be interested in dating and possible pair bond?
Can spirituality fit into evolutionary psychology?

3. My question is about creating an alter ego - Apparently sports people do it and David Goggins did it. David Goggins was a flake and overweight and had no prospects and by his own admission was a liar. Then he basically turned his life around and became a Navy seal and said he did it by inventing an Alter ego called Goggins. So does this suggest personality can be changed. I know current theory is it is largely inherited. He also said an important part of his transformation was the accountability mirror. You basically look in the mirror every day and be completely honest about who and what you are and then from there you can change what you don’t like about yourself. Any merit in this?

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In today's show, the dr's discuss:

Current events re: Roe v Wade

2. There is so much about “body positivity” on the media and women growing their body hair out especially. On social media I read mainly positive comments on this, but especially from women, while some men are making rather jokey comments. I was just wondering what might be the motivation for women who keep saying stuff like “good on her”, “if only I was braver, I’d do the same”, etc…?? Like they’re all claiming that removal of body hair is forced on us by recent culture. Is it though? I personally as a women hate my body hair and have removed it since before puberty. To me it actually feels "natural" to remove it. So I wonder if there is any perspective on this specific topic from the evolutionary psychology perspective?

3. What is your erudite opinion on why the ‘blank slate’ model seem to particularly appeal to certain "character types" more than others

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In today's show, the drs discuss

1. I am worried about my daughter. She graduated with a perfect gpa while also modeling. After her degree, she moved to pursue modelling but she soon developed an eating disorder and quit. Subsequently, she attended medical school but dropped out due to an illness caused by stress. She moved back home but she doesn’t want to work or go back to school. In fact, she barely leaves the house. Whenever I try to talk to her about it, she starts crying and we never get anywhere. I hate to see her waste her life like this. Please help, I don’t know what to do to help.

2. Any thoughts on autism or Asperger’s, particularly in women? I am a 35 year-old woman who has struggled in life in very specific ways. I’m trying to figure out if my issues are related to being on the spectrum or if they are simply a result of the combination of my big 5.

I find friendships draining, and the cost of friendships are not worth the payback. My concern is that there is pressure to make and maintain social connections, for example Dr. Dean Ornish believes social connections are one key to reversing disease. My concern is this pressure could cause unnecessary anxiety for some people, who become anxious trying to keep connections, when they could be just as happy without them.

4. I’m trying to follow your 10 paid dates strategy, but men just don’t pay anymore! Isn’t this a slightly archaic expectation or do I need to lower my standards? I’m 40 and would very much like to find the right man and have a kid while I still can. I’m athletic, a solid 9 physically, of high intelligence, relatively successful and highly agreeable. I’ve been on dating apps for over a year and been on countless dates. The only man who paid for our date knew about the 10 paid dates strategy and was honest enough to tell me he’s only interested in casual mating.

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In today's show, the Dr's discuss:

1. Are attachment styles just the last trend in psychodynamic nonsense? Or is there some legitimacy to it?

2. I wanted to get your perspectives on the trait of confidence. Do you view confidence as a combination of Big5 traits? Is there such a thing as internal confidence or is it all driven by market feedback with respect to mates, friends, and trading partners? I'm particularly interested in understanding if there are ways to help children feel more confident.

3. Please can you help me with 'Imposter Syndrome'? I was recently offered, seemingly out of the blue, a stellar opportunity to work at the highest tier of my industry that I am yet to complete training in. I am HC, HA, HN, above av intelligence. After weeks of stress & emotional turmoil, not to mention hard work, I pulled off a great presentation and have been flooded with esteem & positive feedback & people wanting to work with me. Not soley because of the presentation, but my name must be getting 'out there' in my field. I am in a permanent state of bewilderment & anxiety. I cannot seem to internalise, accept as true and enjoy my 'success.' I feel like a fraud and that my new clients are overestimating me and will be disappointed. Please help, these feelings are crippling and are inhibiting me moving forward. NB This is my third career and I have not experienced anything like this before.

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle goes over:

1. What would be the stone age benefit for women to seek only compassion and not direct help or solutions?

2. I grew up in a household with parents who successfully left their home countries and “made it” as engineers in the US. I grew up with the expectation that I would follow their trajectory - I completed a bachelors, a masters, and was always “en-route” to medical school. Post-graduate school though, things started to look a little differently for me. I lost academic steam and I fell into mystical, artsy land. Recently, I feel like I woke up from a pity-party slumber. I am getting back on the path to medical school. The problem? I am torn. I find myself battling 3 different lives: a life of sacrifice to others through usage of my scientific aptitude, a life of being a jester and using my charm to brighten people’s lives, and a life of solitude in pursuit of philosophical truths. So what do I do? Why have I been torn in this position for the past 3 years since graduate school? Am I stuck in black-or-white thinking and can do all three, or have I subconsciously ran a cost-benefit analysis and have determined certain routes aren’t worth it?

3. My sister is in need of bone marrow. As her only sibling, I would be ideal for this and have a 25% chance of matching. But this comes with serious risks for the donor. Unlike my sister, I take good care of myself, eating a whole foods diet. I am not on any medication and avoid taking even aspirins. Also unlike my sister, I am vehemently opposed to taking the vaccine. However, my doctor says that I will likely be forced to take it if I want to be her donor. I could postpone a decision and simply find out if I'm a match, but if I am, I will feel compelled to continue going down this road, a road I'm not sure I want to go down. How do I make this decision?

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In today's show, the doctors discuss:

1. I have been married for 8 years to a man who is a federal government employee. He is very responsible and reliable. Now, since the pandemic, he has been working from home 4-5x/week. I have notice how lazy he is. I workout, eat clean, do the cooking and all the cleaning. I find myself getting so irritated when I am with him. He is overweight and growing. He literally sits watching TV or reading articles on the computer and eating crap during working hours. I do not understand why my habits are not more influential. My question is, how can in manage my feelings of frustrations and irritability. I border lack of respect and even attraction to him, am I being too dramatic.

I am in a relationship for about 4 years now. I am an agreeable introvert she is disagreeable introvert.. we both like spending time together and doing things, but our sex life is not great, she has some medical reasons and penetration is painful.. and this is something that comes up every now and then, she confessed previous relationships ended because of this, i can feel it most times she is not enjoying having sex, but she puts up with it. My question is, is such dynamic possible, can a relationship survive long term, my sex drive is quite high, i'm 30, she is 28.. i feel like we should make it work but dont know what are the odds of this, i find myself reaching out different outlets to express my needs.

3. How can I tell if my boyfriend is in love with/is really interested in his 'female friend'? How often would you say intuition is right in these situations?

4. Is it possible to be an agreeable highly testosteronized male? What would such a male look like? This confuses me bc I often think of highly testosteronized as a dominance climbing, aggressiveans & competitive and so am wondering how these traits co-exist.

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In today's show, Dr. Howk discusses:

1.Should I be worried if my boyfriend's career is a higher priority than me and our future family? If I was the love of his life would his career still be more important than me? He is 40 and a financier on wall street.

2. What are the ways women abuse men? Is the silent treatment, inducing jealousy, withholding intimacy, considered abusive? I’m a woman and I found myself doing these things in a toxic relationship in which my partner called me abusive, which made me wonder if I was.

3. You've only briefly touched on video games on the podcast, and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on the psychology behind them. What do you link their popularity as an entertain medium / form of escape to?You've only briefly touched on video games on the podcast, and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on the psychology behind them. What do you link their popularity as an entertain medium form of escape to?

4. I am a 35 year old female who is afraid to talk to men. I am so nervous when talking to the opposite sex that it is affecting my work and studies, to the point where I chose to pursue a professional degree in which the majority of students are female. I avoid interacting with males wherever I go; I always choose female doctors or dentists and only speak to female salespersons when in a store. At 35, I have never been on a date, which my friends (who are female) and family think is weird. I have never been traumatized by a man, never been raped, and had a good childhood. I know this is not normal and would like to overcome this.

5.I am a student in my 3rd year of a bachelor of psychology. No matter the subject, the courses always manage to devote a section to gender theory. Its taught as a fact that gender is a series of norms socialized into us and have no basis in biology. Where does evolutionary psychology fall on gender theory?

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In today's show, the Dr's discuss:

1. can you illuminate us a bit about the nature of sexual disgust. I am currently seeing a man who is very much in love with me and is a good match for me in general. I like him very much and can imagine him as a future partner. However, I hate being touched by him. I feel so grossed out by it,it doesn't turn me on at all and so I avoid physical intimacy with him. Is there any way to get over this or should I just quit?

2. My ex that I was with for one year that's 60 pounds overweight and objectively a 4 cheated on me even though I'm 108 pounds with about a .7 hip to waist ratio and at least a 7. Why would this happen? I dated him because I thought he would appreciate how much more attractive than him I was and thus treat me well and not cheat on me at the least! The girls he has dated before me and cheated on me with were less attractive than me. He even said they were only 'okay'. He told me he makes seven figures but I estimate it to be $200,00 which is still great so maybe that's why he thinks he's so great and better than me? He showed me the ring he was going to propose to me with as a last ditch effort to get me to not break up with him which was apparently $80,000. My guess is that it's actually around $15,000. Other than that, he doesn't seem interested in marriage in general even though he's 41. Is he just naturally a short-term mater unless he's insanely rewarded? If he really valued me wouldn't he not risk losing me over some random girls? Please tell me what I'm doing wrong and what's going on, I have an open loop about this and I feel like I can't stop thinking about this until I understand every small detail so I can avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

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In today's show, the Dr's discuss:

1. My male friend told me he married his wife even though he was in love with an ex-girlfriend because he could trust her to be loyal whereas he couldn't trust his ex. How often do men do this? How good/bad of a situation is this for the wife who wants a reliable husband and father until death does them part(she might be concerned about him having an affair with the ex)?

2. How do I assess how to stimulate/encourage my brain's moods of happiness?

3. I’ve always been quite anxious but this feeling has worsened in the past two years. I always feel a sense of insecurity about the future as well as inferiority to everyone. I question my decisions and my capabilities. Is it a real fear that signals that I’m not “contributing to the village” or is it just my personality?

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In this episode, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. Is jealous and controlling/possessive behavior a sign that a romantic partner loves you or is just a something to do with their personality?

2. Does crystal clear usually only work with honest people? I suppose a dishonest person would lie and manipulate during the crystal clear, therefore the best outcome of the conversation would be finding out the truth despite their dishonesty and/or terminating the relationship because of the realization of their dishonesty and that it carries too many costs.

3. How common is it for men to be successfully deceived about a woman's promiscuity? How easy is it for men to correctly 'sniff out' a woman's promiscuity? How common is it for women to lie about their promiscuity?

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In today's show, the doctors discuss:

1. Dear Doctors, my husband and I have been married for 5 1/2 years now, and have an amazing relationship. We agree on most things, enjoy spending time together, have great communication and have very infrequent arguments. One thing (probably the only thing) we do argue about is my sex drive and my husband’s penis size. If my husband had it his way, we would have sex twice a day, every day and for me there is about a 10 day window every month where I actually want to have sex and the rest of the month I have absolutely no desire. My husband believes it is because he has a “small penis” even though he is the one who noticed my sexual desire peaks around my ovulation window. When we do have sex it is amazing and we are both fulfilled. No matter how many times I tell him he satisfies me and it has nothing to do with him or his size, he does not believe me. When I do engage in sexual activity outside of my “window” it is solely for him, and he can tell that I do not enjoy it. He immediately thinks of his penis size and gets depressed about it and he truly believes if he were bigger I would want him more. How do we move past this as a couple?

How does a woman prevent herself from cheating on her ‘horace’ husband with a ‘jimmy’ and losing his fathering to their children if she’s not in a magic 10% relationship?

3. The recent episode about current events was alarming. I understand the basics of what's happening, but is the gravity of the situation being exaggerated by the doctors? Could they be falling into the trap of being the wise prophet foretelling doom in the stone age? That concept has been discussed on the podcast before so I'm curious their thoughts on it now.

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In today's show, Dr. Howk discusses:

1. I grew up facing a lot of turmoil; I had a physically and sexually abusive father, I left home and was homeless from 16 to 18, and dealt with a lot of tumultuous grooming situations at a young age, and so forth. However, I was dealing with it really well up until 20 when I started to take therapy; while simultaneously moving to a tiny city that was very into “woke” culture. I feel as though it may have exasperated my victim mentality, but I am unsure. I want to know, was the victim mentality trait already integrated within my genetics or does woke culture and modern therapy have enough influence to exasperate that mentality? Does it matter the severity or weight of what you went through when it comes to coaching yourself to leave the victim mentality?

2. How do I cope nondestructively with stress? As a quite emotionally unstable yet conscientious person, I find myself stressed a lot of the time. In the past, my way of reacting to stress has been reaching for food. I learned that I stress ate because my body was seeking something to increase my chances of survival and reproduction during an uncertain time. More recently, after successfully stopping myself from using food to alleviate stress, I have turned to impulse shopping. This also makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, since the things I buy include jewlery, hair and nail appointments, and clothes, which all enhance my physical appearance and also increase reproductive success. I was wondering if there is something I could effectively do to soothe stress in the moment that won’t make me gain weight or break my bank account.

3. If I had to put a label on it, I identify as a bisexual female. I’m overthinking applying the EP concepts that I understand so well when it comes to dating women. For instance, do the 10 paid dates still apply with two women?

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. Why do men sometimes pair-bond/fall in love with obviously promiscuous women(promiscuous reputation, clubbing/partying often, always scantily clad)? Maybe I'm having a hard time understanding because I'm a young woman. I would love to hear your thoughts!

2. What pair-bond behavior do highly testeronized men show? My boyfriend of 1 year remembers minute details about me, pays for all our dates, sends me food when he's not with me, and has bought me a new MacBook Pro, iPhone, Tiffany's jewelry, flowers every month, and teddy bears but he is not very verbally or physically affectionate. He has never initiated sexual activities with me either, although I can tell he enjoys when we do them. He's very jealous and possessive, insulting other men's abilities and intentions with me and always telling me to dress more modestly. In addition to not being verbally(as in compliments, sweet-talking, baby-names) and physically affectionate, he's easily irritated with me, curses and yells at me when he's angry, and dismisses my thoughts and opinions. He has proposed to me with a $20,000 engagement ring but I am hesitant to get more invested in this relationship but I am extremely confused about how he feels about me. If this is the pair-bonded behavior of a highly testeronized man maybe I am more compatible with a man who's closer to the middle of the bell curve. Your thoughts would be appreciated!

3. Dear doctors: could you please speak on what it is like to have a romantic relationship with a person with low emocional stability? I have started dating a man who describes himself as having low emotional stability. Although he is very sweet and loving, I do wonder how high the cost will be to maintain this relationship. I am very emotionally stable and as such I'd like to know what to expect.

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In today's show, the Dr's discuss:

I listened to Dr Howk on pseudo esteem where you say: If you are highly agreeable, highly conscientious and not that emotionally stable - being on social media comes with a high price for you psycolgy. I teach workshops for companies and I get graded every time from each students. I get 5 from 95% of the students but sometimes I get a 2 or 3 and I can tell right away before I get the evaluation who in the crowd will grade me low. How do I stop trying to please the one disagreeable person and not feel bad for getting a low grade? When I have a disagreeable person in my workshop I feel like I have to work twice as hard to turn him or her over to my side. It feels like Im spending 1000 dollars on a 100 dollar asignment and Im drained. My boss allways sees the evaluation and I feel the need to explain my self if a person gave me a low grade. My boss uses the good evaluations as a selling point to get the companies to buy more workshops at his school.
Do you ever talk about abandonment/rejection issues? Examples: my mother divorced my father when I was seven years of age in 1959 and my mother was murdered in 1968 leaving behind 7 children.
I was put on psychiatric drugs when I was 13 because of anorexia and being miserable about being bullied at school. The drugs messed me up. I can see it now that I have not used them for years. I was on various types of drugs around 10 years. I now know how damaging and useless those drugs are and I know my cognitive abilities have been damaged because of them. I also now realize just how much damage psychiatry has caused to my life overall. I'm extremely angry and bitter. I'ts incredibly painful to think about what has been done to my brain and what potential has been stolen from me. I dwell on my anger and bitterness everyday and it's unbearable. How can I cope?

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In today's show, the Dr's discuss;

1. How would you raise a child? Specifically for the first year? All that whining and crying, and getting barely any sleep for the first year. Is there anything parents can do? Or if nothing, if someone has the finances to, would you recommend a nanny or something similar?

2. Do obese people have differing psychologies? I would assume obese genes wouldn't survive to reproduction in historic times before agriculture (in terms of extreme obesity), so do you think that has any impact upon psychology today? Also, are there any groups of people that have differing psychology from the average of the human population for reasons similar to the question? Or just at all?

3. Is it genetics how much sleep someone needs? Do some people just naturally need more sleep even when diet and exercise and stress levels and everything is in the right place? Do introverts need more sleep and rest because their nervous system works differently?

4. I have been working on that with my family members who are very difficult, unpleasant and disrespectful toward me. While it does help considerably with the day to day dynamics, I often still feel guilty about pulling away, and think that I need to explain myself to everyone (although I haven't). Why won't my inner critic give me esteem for separating myself from the disagreeables?

5. Why is there is such heated fight over a woman's decision to have or not to have a child? Most actions to enforce antiabortion laws are taken by male politicians. What is it to them if someone's offspring appears on the planet Earth against their mother's wish?

I would like to hear your thoughts on people having paranoia. In the Internet you hear all kinds of reasons for why people have them. Is it mainly genetics and personality? Can you treat paranoia and if so, how?

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In today's show, the Dr's discuss:

1. How do you explain, in the context of evolutionary psychology, women who pursue polyamory? It seems like they are doing a good job of beating the instructions dealt them by their genes. Alternatively is polyamory is just the new, politically-correct way of cheating on your spouse and potentially ending an unwanted relationship?

2. I am a female from Canada trapped in the country for now.. Currently, with the vaccine mandate, I can't sit inside a restaurant or even join an outdoors sports group. This makes meeting people and dating rather impossible. Should I try my luck just to get out into the market. If so, should I display my vaccine status? My date will find out pretty soon when I say I can only go on a hike date.

3. I've been in a "magic 10%" relationship for almost 2 years. He treats me like a princess, but what robs me of peace of mind is that he has a sister my age who is a single mother. She often asks him for help, money, babysitting, at some point she even asked him to live with her. He refused, but felt guilty afterwards. Is me sharing my man with his sister a sufficient reason to break up? It feels bad both to be in this relationship as well as to end this relationship. It makes me feel guilty as well, because there is not much of partners fault. Is there anything that can be done?

4. Does having a surrogate mother drive a subconscious rift between husband and wife because certain neural networks were not tripped in the female brain? And is there any solution that can trip these circuits so the natural attachments are made?

I’ve learned about the harsh realities of being a new parent and the incredible lack of sleep involved. If sleep is so vital, why would nature design such intense sleep deprivation for mothers when raising young children? It seems so counterintuitive.

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1) Why do I often get small epiphanies about various things in my life when I'm half asleep?

2) I’ve noticed many people act differently around close friends and family than they do around coworkers and strangers. So, how do we know what our true personalities are? For example, I’m the life of the party around people I know very well, but totally shy and quiet around strangers and at work. I’m also quite disagreeable with close friends and family, but highly agreeable with everyone else. Is it my high conscientiousness that causes me to be such a Chamaeleon?

3)Do other animals (besides humans) show self destructive behaviour? Why are humans so self destructive?

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss:

1. My question is about how evolutionary psychologists can interpret the species-specific human diet differently. Dr. Lisle supports a plant-based, starch-heavy diet. Meanwhile, Dr. Geoffrey Miller supports a paleo diet (heavy in meat and greens). It seems clear that the majority of calories were gathered, not hunted, which lends weight to the plant-based, starch-heavy type of diet being the standard human diet and the correct one to follow. How can researchers have such different interpretations of human diet?

2. I would love to get the doctors' take on the FIRE movement (Financial Independence Retire Early). Is it just another example of the enlightenment trap? I read "Your Money or Your Life" in my mid-twenties and since then have been saving approximately half of my income. I now have enough to "frugal retire" if I want to. But now I don't have a goal to work towards. I've always wanted to travel and learn foreign languages; so I'm doing that. But I know that if I wasn't taking classes every day I'd be bored out of my mind. Did I just waste the last decade of my life engineering my very own complacency cage?

3. Noways, a lot of people gravitate towards food when they are stressed. What did people do in the Stone Age when they were stressed? Did they fight, did they sleep, did they meditate, did they go on walks, did they talk about it? And what about animals? What do they do when they feel stressed?

4. I was wondering if Jen and Doug have ever talked about the increase in angry violent outbursts on airplanes and other places that has happened in this age of Covid. There have always been angry outbursts but why have they increased now. Is it some kind of temper tantrum in reaction to loss of control due to Covid. Social media is just filled with these incidents.

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In today's show, Dr. Howk discusses:

My house is lovely, and clutter free - except one attic room which is where I keep a large amount of sentimental objects all neatly packed and stored and kept clean. I have a lot of objects, letters and cards from my own childhood and life. I have a lot of my children’s clothes from age 0- 5, and a lot of their toys from the early years. I have their dismantled cot. I have every picture they have ever drawn. Why do I feel I need to keep all these possessions? Is there a way past becoming so attached to things?

2. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and are very happy. I am 38 and he is 44. We’ve talked a little bit about children and both came to the conclusion that we don’t want to start over. . Anyways, I’ve had to get on various forms of birth control and some have been horrible on my body and mind. I got information about a vasectomy for him, even told him I’d pay for half and he kind of makes excuses and doesn’t sound like he’s in a hurry to do so. What do you think this means? Does he eventually want another child but just not with me? Should I try and push the issue more or just keep trying different birth control methods even though they are costly and inconvenient for me? I’m a very non confrontational person, what is the best way to bring this up and also ways to help me not stew on the idea that I don’t qualify as a mother to his potential child.

3. How do I get over the victim mentality?

4.Over the last few months I’ve been feeling ‘down’. The only thing really missing is that ‘other half’ in my life. Could that one thing really be causing me to feel so unhappy with my life? Or do you think with current events, Covid etc there is just a general wariness and fatigue over us all?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

Is there such a thing as going mad? Are similar expressions mostly just used to discredit people? What about mental breakdowns?

2. What would cause a fully-functional, productive member of society to have a "nervous breakdown," and become a total basket case? Conventional diagnoses include PTSD, anxiety, Major Depressive Disorder, and the treatment has, so far, been, treatment with more and more meds, whether in or outpatient. Is this just a function of personality? Is this person running a CB analysis that says it's better to be this way, even though she's miserable and claims that she wants to get back to work and life? What's the best way to support her?

3. How do I get over small slights in an otherwise happy and healthy relationship? I am probably more sensitive than the average bear. My partner of 5 years is great. But he has a habit of correcting me on the proper pronunciation of words whenever they come up, usually 1-3 times per year. The first few times I took it on the chin. But eventually I told him it really bothered me and made me feel stupid. Other small slights could be if he didn't show appreciation for a great meal that I make when I do all of the cooking. These incidents can set me off on a 3 day freeze out. I don't think he deserves me being angry with him for that long and always wish I could just stop. It took me a long time to even start bringing up hurt feelings because I've always felt so over rewarded, but now I try to so things don't fester. I try to think of all of his good qualities but that doesn't work. Is this just a neuroticism tinged disagreeability streak in me that I can't change? I tend not to think of myself as a disagreeable because I always go out of my way to not hurt others' feelings and am an otherwise happy, cheerful person. So, do you have any ideas on how to get over these slights?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. Is it different when a female partner indulges in the equivalent of but for women, than it is for if a male partner indulges? From what I understand, if the man is still very into his wife, it might not be much of a problem at all. Is it the same when a woman is indulging in shows and books that titillate the female mind?

2. At 24 years old (female) having left a long 4 year relationship I did quite a lot of "market research" and calibration via casual dating/sex which was incredibly informative and mostly fun. Near enough after 100+ matches and 20 dates, I met my current boyfriend, and it's been going great. We've been dating about six months and we're in love. He really resents me having had casual mating partners because he said it's a big turn off and likes to pretend it "didn't happen". Without my dating history I don't think I would be satisfied to pair bond or understand what I want from a long term partner, so it's hardly irrelevant to where I am now, but I am really committed to making him feel loved and secure with me. Do you think this is a natural reaction in the stone age as men especially want evidence that their pair bonded partner is capable of loyalty and not flake or cheat on them? In which case do I avoid bringing it up and accept my past decisions are sending the wrong signals, or sit down to discuss if these decisions threaten the security of the relationship?

3. I understand marriage is unnatural to our natural history, and you're generally against getting married if you're not absolutely sure and haven't been together for 21 decades (joke), but what advice would you give for someone in a pairbond to make them continously more attractive for a pairbond? So if someone wants to simply settle down and be happy with one person, how do we beat our genes?

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In today's show, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss the current state of affairs in an analysis of human behavior and motivation.

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In today's replay of episode 223, the Dr's discuss:

1. How does withdrawal and Tolerance In drug usage compare to eating foods with addictive properties in terms of trying to quit? For instance, Would planning a strict day and time for a specific portioned unhealthy meal once a week then after get straight back on the wagon aid in keeping tolerance low and cravings at bay? or is complete abstinence the key to lifelong success in ending the addiction? I’ve been trying for about 3 years to be WFPB but I’ve never made it more than 30 days and when I cave into crap foods each time it’s making me doubt I could achieve this success.

2. It seems so far that calorie restriction might not offer the degree of increased longevity benefits for humans as is found in mice and other animals. If you took an evolutionary perspective on this, what might you guess could explain why humans don't get quite the boost that other animals do? Do you think humans and perhaps some other animals have physiology that might expect to go hungry fairly often, so it's required for a normal lifespan rather than causing an abnormally longer one?

3. I recently celebrated my 30th birthday during this time, as fun and different as it was, the classic questions have now come to my mind about dating/settling down. I am single, and have not been on a date in 2 years! I know my chances are decreasing by the year of "finding a mate", and I am worried that males will be able to tell I am not as young as is ideal. Is there any way of avoiding this/giving off the illusions/impression that I still have value on the market as much as a twenty something?

4. Is following your lust just another pleasure trap that will leave you dissatisfied long term? Should a person who is not pair bond oriented try to work towards this for long term happiness or is this like trying to change your personality?

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In today's show, Dr. Howk discusses:

I think Jordan Peterson has done a fantastic job of exploring the evolutionary basis for Jungian archetypes. He appears to have a firm grasp on the literature, and he is convinced there is consilience between the two fields. In particular, Peterson's synthesis places institutions such as Christianity in a dramatic new context. But then again, this is an argument I imagine Richard Dawkins would be vehemently opposed to. The debates on religion between Peterson and Sam Harris serve to illustrate this intellectual divide. So where do you stand on this matter, Jen? Is Jordan Peterson right? Can we bridge the gap between Jung and EP? If yes, what implications does this have? If no, what convinced you?

2. In a female dominanted enviroment...workplaces, when there is no man. there there is an air of competitivness and cattyness, that can linger.. Once a man is introduced, even if he is not in a position of power, the relaxation is palpable. Why is this?..why is the female competition not ramped up.....Why does the roster settle the hens?

3. My employer, like many others, is adopting many trainings and policies based around words like "equity", "inclusion", "systemic racism". I work in public sector for a large west coast city so my coworkers are very liberal and 72 percent non-white, so the majority view is very much "woke" Obviously the answer is to just stay out of any discussion but are there any other strategies that I could use to avoid conflict with out having to pledge allegiance to "blank slateism"? How do you guys avoid the nasty labels that come with the uncomfortable insights of EP? Could we soon see widespread persecution of evolutionary thinkers?

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In this replay of Ep 202, the questions are:

1. I’ve been married to a 90% disagreeable man for 42 years. Many times I’ve packed my bags but never followed through. I dream of being on my own, doing the little things in life without being questioned. As he has gotten older his drinking has become a problem. Every year finds me more depressed. How to know when to go?

2.why do men flirt? I am falling for a guy who is a huge flirt. I see him flirting with me and with other women, and he has a long distance, long term girlfriend who he is faithful to. Why does he flirt so much? Why am I falling for him even though I know he doesn't mean anything serious by flirting?

3. How do you deal with toxic and controlling parents who like to believe that they are doing RIGHT by continuing to control your life well into your adulthood ? Is it normal to feel that you have a hate relationship with your mother because of lack of support and love to you? As a daughter it feels awful to feel it this way but I can’t get over the fact that having a distant and uncaring mother has driven me into agreeing to marry a person who is totally different to me in personality. Even to this date my mother still emotionally blackmails me to not get a divorce by using her health as a reason. You can divorce your spouse but how can you ever divorce your mother and get over it without feeling the guilt?

4. A friend of mine is having some troubles getting in touch with his friends regularly. He always thinks, if I (or anyone else) doesn't contact him first, I don't like him anymore. It seems to me like he is suffering from some kind of inferiority complex in that sense. How do you explain such a behavior in an evolutionary sense or to broaden my question, why do people suffer from inferiority complexes and how can they try to overcome such feelings?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle answers:

1. my daughter was recently informed by her therapist that self esteem is created in the first five years of life. My daughter feels now that I failed her in This regard as I was the primary caregiver. Essentially she feels her unhappy life is now my fault. Why do so many therapists focus so very much on upbringing and early life experiences vs genetics?

2. I have a highly ambitious streak but can’t seem to string together any consistent action since I graduated university and settled into a job. My concern is, am I doomed to mediocrity? What use would it be for me to have these feelings of missed opportunity, boredom at work and the desire for more if I have a personality that checkmates all my efforts. Dr Howk suggested in a previous episode, without high conscientiousness it is very unlikely one will be able to create any lasting habits/ stick to the fundamentals. Is there anything I can do because as Dr Lisle says we can’t change our nervous system? Am I doomed to live a life of what could have been?

3. Dr Lisle has spoken on previous episodes regarding running an experiment in order to engage your self esteem mechanism and feel the pride that comes with doing a good job. This pride will supposedly allow you to get on a path of self improvement. I could see how this process can be effective at turning off the feelings of frustration that come with doing a mediocre job. However in a previous episode Dr lisle also mentioned that boredom is a sign that you are not learning much at work and a signal for you to use your time more productively. How then does doing an excellent job and improving your self esteem signals bear on tasks you find boring? Can doing a good job and improving your self esteem signals make these tasks that are the “right of passage” as a junior employee feel less like drudgery?

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In today's episode, Dr .Lisle and Dr. Howk weigh in on current events.

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In today's replay of episode 198, the Dr's discuss:

1. I think that you are absolutely right when you say that happiness comes from esteem, earned in the right way from the people that matter. It's really beautiful to me how that works. But on the other hand, I occasionally meet women who impress me a great deal, strictly based on their DNA- i.e., above-average looks, brains, and personality. Or, as you might expect, even just well above average looks. So my question is, how can attraction be such a profound emotional experience when so much of it is purely on the basis of DNA, and nothing that has been done to earn it? And in fact people are more impressed with someone when it appears that they are not trying? Is how we feel about ourselves based on what we earn, but how we feel about others mostly just a matter of their DNA?

2. How does IQ affect relationships? Specifically, a male having a greater IQ than his female partner, at what point would this cause problems in the relationship and how?

3. I am a recently single 30 year old male, and I’ve been hitting the online dating apps once again. With my more finely tuned evolutionary lense thanks to your podcast, I’ve noticed something interestin. It seems as though most of us, while we want to put our best foot forward in order to increase our chance of success, we still can’t help but leak potentially market-limiting queues. Is it simply that we are programmed to be honest so that we don’t end up wasting our time with people who wouldn’t find these market-limiting interests appealing? Is this a simple energy conservation cost-benefit analysis?

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In today's show, Dr. Howk dicusses:

I am a fairly successful artist in his late 20s (definitely another Jimmy the Guitar player). My Big Five is highly distorted (O-98, C-75, E-98, A-15, N-98), which has gotten me in all sorts of trouble but luckily, my high IQ has kept me on the right track. Your podcast and website have helped me in almost every arena, but I can't shake my Jimmy gene. I find myself "falling in love", but losing interest just as quickly. This has caused many unhappy romantic relationships, sometimes even when I desperately want them to work. How can a Jimmy who would love to pair bond beat his genes? Is there a ten paid dates rule for men? What is the right environment, if I can't change my personality?

2. I'm a young male adult (~20), and I truly enjoying studying, working out, training, and just overall being productive. I know it's because I'm trying to gain mate value and climb social structures, but I truly enjoy it. Now, I recently aquired a girlfriend, and I've found that I'm more attracted to bouts of watching youtube videos for a few hours at night before I go to bed, or just generally not being productive. I've had problems here and there, but most of the time I avoid the temptation altogether and it works well. But the energy to stop relaxing and start working once I'm there is more than I'm willing to muster, it seems. It may be that this is just how I feel right now in life, and in a month or two I'll be more productive again, but do you think it's possible that now I have a mate, my brain doesn't believe I have a serious need to climb structures and gain skills? If so, that is seriously depressing.

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle answers the following questions:

1. Our adult son is still living at home to save money to buy his own place. This year he was riding his motorcycle without insurance for short rides. We chose to put a wheel lock on his bike until he gets insurance. Since then he basically ignores us. How can we get through to him and put an end to this 'stand off'?

2. My partner is 44 and has never had a serious job for more than a couple of months. He hates authority and always complains about having superiors or work being “dull”. I've been the main breadwinner for many years and I am fed up. The thing stopping me from throwing out his stuff and changing the locks is the fact that we have a 10-year-old child. That, and the fact that my partner has a bad temper when pushed. How do I get out safely?

3. My son is 14, and his personality is not very charming. He says very mean things to me, he is violent towards things and sometimes me, he has a hard time making and keeping friends. He is selfish in a way that is ruthless. Our dog is terrified of him. I don’t know how to deal with him anymore.Give me advice on how to be a better mother and how to cope please.

4. I am having a major personality clash with my mother-in-law. She is extremely religious and insists on praying for me and my husband regardless of what we are up to or going through. Every success is owing to her prayers, and every failure, she claims, is in spite of her prayers. She has been a major point of stress for me since getting married three years ago. Her brand of undermining, theological interference really bugs me. Do you prescribe some disagreeable distance, or perhaps something else? I want to be a pleasant daughter-in-law but find myself feeling nothing short of hateful for her godly gaslighting. HELP!

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In today's replay of episode 197, Dr. Lisle disusses:

1. Does the myelin sheath development also apply to more purely mental abilities like reading and comprehension, or the ability to imagine and come up with inventive solutions to a problem? For example, how much can learning and practice be helpful in growing infants and children? Will a baby that is spoken to for 5 hours a day learn to speak significantly faster than one exposed to only an hour of language a day? Or are parents kidding themselves when they spend so much effort to give their child an edge in cognitive development?

2. I'm a private person: I cringe when people air their dirty laundry or have what to me are very private conversations in the facebook comment section. I don't signal affiliation or loyalty the way most people do, and tend to minimize advertising even when it would be seemingly beneficial: I recall declining someone wanting to write an article about me back in high school because "it's nobody's business". I realize I'll always be like this, but the way you and Geoffrey Miller talk about advertising opened it a new perspective. Do you think I'm missing out, and if so, how could I improve where it matters?

3. How do scientists go about measuring genes? How do they identify and associate them with human behavior? Is this something they can see with Petri dishes and a microscope? What would a behavioral scientists day look like?

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In this epsiode, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss current events.

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In today's episode, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss current events.

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In today's replay of episode 207, we go over these questions:

I understand from evolutionary psychology that certain market distortions, like a large number of females in college, or a small number of males in elderly age affect the quality of partners we're willing to date. What I am not sure about is how this calibration changes subjective experience. Do people only change their behavior to attain a partner, or do they also feel more attracted to people of perhaps lesser gene quality?

2. When I was in my twenties, I used to go to bars and wait in line to get in during the winter. In Montreal, winters can be very cold but one would always see girls waiting in the cold with no proper clothing. These happened to be the sexiest girls. My buddy would be impressed with them, saying that they seemed to have a supernatural ability to beat the cold. My question is: do you think that exhibiting the capacity to sustain a noxious stimulus can be used as a gene quality signal? Do you think that smoking can also viewed in this way? It is obviously a pleasure trap, but smokers may want to send the signal: "Look how high quality my genes are, if I can get away with smoking with impunity"

3. I am an introverted married woman in my mid forties. I have a friend who is single and in her early 60s. She frequently asks me and a small covey of women (who all happen to have mates) to go out dancing, to dinner, etc. via group texts. As I refuse to go to nightclubs, I occasionally join them for dinners (maybe twice a year) but refuse to go to nightclubs. My question is, Does a woman increase her chances of finding a mate if she surrounds herself with other women? Is she attempting to create a lure of sorts? I don’t want to continue to be uncooperative about assembling with the group if this is something that could potentially increase her chances at finding someone.

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In today's show, the Dr's dicuss the following question:

1. In episode 243, Dr. Lisle defined the pleasure trap roughly as the state of an organism being fooled by artificial stimuli into believing it is achieving biological success. How does the placebo effect fit into this picture? Given that the placebo effect typically makes a person feel better without the underlying condition improving, it seems like we have evolved with something akin to the pleasure trap built right into us, and therefore the pleasure trap is not a modern phenomenon.

2. My anger and frustration is increasing as folks insist on eating foods that cause their disease which, in turn, incurs costs that all of us are then obligated to bear. Everyone wants to complain about the high cost of health care and global warming but choose to ignore the obvious solution. I need help in dialing back my frustration and increasing sense of despair.

3. The recent talk about living in distortions has really resonated with me. Is this the same as the early concept of making a paradigm shift in our thinking? Looking at the Mind Map, if the self is a calibration system that sets goals, and those goals are based on our personality's view of our competitive environment, are our distortions derived from outdated calibrations? Or how are they accumulated over time? It seems many of us get stuck in a particular way of looking at the world and our elevated place in it. And if we get stuck in those distortions are we then destined to work toward the wrong goals? Maybe I just want to hear more about how we concoct distortions and how to confront them...Love the work you all do!

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In today's replay of episode 206, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk go over the following questions:

1. Depression often gets talked about as being a biological condition and that just like having a broken arm, treating depression with medication is similar to treating a broken bone with a splint. What is the opinion of Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk about treating depression with medication vs. taking an evolutionary approach to helping individuals improve the esteem dynamics in their life? The combination of medication and therapy is often viewed as the best treatment, but I don’t think most therapies take the approach that Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk do.

2. I'm a male and I've noticed that in numerous relationships, if my girlfriend was mad, then she would just flat out ignore me. I don't understand this behavior as anger would usually lead me to talk through issues and try to resolve them, whereas they might just ignore my calls and messages for days at a time. This caused me tremendous stress ro the point of getting no sleep and significantly impaired life functioning. How do I deal with this situation? And is this a male/female difference in conflict resolution, or an esteem dynamic where I'm over rewarded?

3. Ive been living with my boyfriend for over 15 yrs. Been with him total of 25 yrs. Im a young 60, he is 57. Ready to fall off ur chair? We have never had intercourse. First 10 yrs we done sone other intimate things, but no more. He never pursues or initiates anything with me. I used to try, but tired of being rejected.;( I want to leave the relationship. But do not. I definitely need help, can u give me some insight & guidance.

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In today's show, the Dr's discuss the following questions:

1. For the past 20 years I have been bewildered and somewhat dissappointed in how my ex-husband and two adult sons have been difficult to get along with and very dismissive of me, despite my huge efforts to forge a warm and close feeling among the 4 of us. No matter how hard I try, I keep getting rejection and sometimes even ridicule from these guys,even though none of us live together anymore. Now, finally, I realize that the problem maybe isn't me (ie. not a "good enough" mother or wife.) Perhaps it is in their personalities -- they would all score pretty high on the disagreeable bell curve while I am in the high 80's for agreeableness. So now what? Is there a different strategy I should take with these family members. Or should I just give up and head for the hills? I would appreciate any help. I love these people, but I don't enjoy being with them anymore.

2. You’ve talked about how people enjoy landscapes that indicate that safety, food, and water needs will be met. But why do people feel a sense of wonder and awe at the night sky, a newborn’ s hand, or the Grand Canyon? Are these feelings related to religious experiences? Are there personality traits that would be more likely in people who have frequent experiences of awe and wonder?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss some economics, politics, and this question from a listener:

(Paraphrased due to original q length) Dear Dr's, I was recently laid off from my job and even though I'm collecting unemployment, I still want to get another job. I've applied for and received opportunities for jobs. One offer is to work for the police as an analyst but do I really want to work for an establishment that hauls people to jail for not wearing a mask? Another is a high tech job implementing 5G technology - I have strong opinions against 5G and think it needs more testing. I know 5G is coming whether I work on it or not, but I feel guilty putting my efforts toward it. I have the same sort of personal objections on the other offer. What the hell is wrong with me? I need the money and I need companionship. It is hard to get a job in this economy and I have worked so hard to get these. Why am I so confused about which job to take? Maybe I should just forget it and sit around on unemployment.

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In today's replay of episode 205, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk answer the following questions:

My brother never does anything in moderation, for example if he starts working out, he'll organize his life around it, stop all social drinking and the like. Then he will eventually feel empty and complain he's burnt out. My question is, is he destined to live in this open-unstable roller-coaster ride, or can I give him some advice (perhaps Harry Browne style) that will help him find his place?

2. I've heard Dr. Howk talk about social media as a potential pleasure trap, and I was wondering if she could go into more depth on that. What are the circuits being hijacked? What advice would you give to a low-key social media addict?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss some current events including vaccine passports, an impending social credit system, and some libertarian principles.

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In this episode, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk briefly discuss a recent article titled, "Harvard researchers help explain link between emotion and addictive substance use".

https://www.hks.harvard.edu/faculty-research/policy-topics/health/report-sadness-triggers-addictive-behavior

They discuss addiction, relapsing, channel factors, Dr. Howk shares a personal story, and we answer the following listener question:

Most of the people I know use chemicals to manage their lives as least in some aspects: coffee to wake up, alcohol for social lubrication, SSRIs when feeling down, and beta blockers for anxiety, even Adderall or cocaine for productivity and charisma and so on. Even knowing what I know, it's hard to resist the feeling that I'm leaving some competitive advantage on the table by not partaking. I assume you would discourage the use of most if not all of these substances. It it because you think they are all net negative in the long run, or do you find the whole concept puts the cart before the horse by trying to mold emotions to fit the environment instead of working on the environment? Are there any exceptions?

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In today's show, the Dr's discuss:

Is it possible to have a personality that is not a good fit for a long-term committed relationship?
I have this one specific girlfriend who seems to be different because she ONLY attracts pair bonds. She has never gotten a casual mating approach, not that I can ever remember. She gets approached by all fine, decent, good looking, intelligent guys who all really love her. She's average looking, yet thin, long haired and very intelligent too. She gets in a stable monogamous relationship with one, stays with him for 2/3/4 years saying she really, really loves him and then abruptly dumps him, moving to the next one.. I'm more curious about how she can be so lucky to always find good pair bonds as to why she acts like this.
A friend has become a life and wellness coach primarily through social media. She enjoys what she does, makes a livable living, and creates value in her clients’ lives. Yet, when our friend group occasionally mentions this friend everyone seems to disapprove of what she’s doing business-wise. In fact, all of us have unfollowed her on social media because we can’t stand to watch her content. She gives advice on nutrition, makes motivational videos, and sells coaching sessions to women—and for some reason, it all comes off as disingenuous, scammy, and distorted. I have no intention of changing her or her business. What I’m curious about is why we feel disgust whenever she comes up in conversation. There’s no issue whenever she and I hang out in person. We always have a good time. But, why am I so turned off by her Internet presence and the way she makes money? Could it be that I think she’s claiming unearned status? Or could it be that I see the online coach version of her as deceiving and therefore a threat to the village? Please help me understand.

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In today's replay of episode 212, the Dr's discuss the following questions:

Would you still recommend psychology as a career? I am interested in becoming a therapist, and your podcast has turned what I thought I knew on it's head and has completely changed the way I would want to go about my theoretical orientation. But now that it's so different, I feel like I am doubting everything. Could you talk a little about what it's like to be in the position of the therapist? I am looking for information to direct my behavioral output.
How do I overcome fear? I have a friend who is brave and courageous! I would so like to accomplish those qualities, but whether it comes to sky diving, public speaking, or taking other risks im super scared and it takes so much for me to make the leap? How can I make the leap easier and become more courageous when I know that's what I really want? any tricks/shortcuts/technique or game changing information regarding this?
I am a female in my 50s now, and all of my life when someone is mad or upset with me, for any reason and no matter who has the 'right' to be upset, I cannot live with it. I perseverate on it and I cannot shake things until things are resolved and even after sometimes I do not find a release. I am surprised that at this point in my life I cannot shake this. For example, at work I made a mistake and I am working to fix the error, but I am ashamed and even though I am moving forward with efforts to fix the problem and grow from it, I cannot rest for weeks. What is this heavy and stressful feeling trying to tell me?

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In this episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss this situation:

I am a 26 year old female and in a two year relationship with a guy named Luke. He is an MD and works at the hospital, he is rather smart, lookwise pretty average but neighter overweight nor has a funky smell. He is a nice guy, will provide for me and the family as soon as we have kids, which is already on our agenda. He respects my wishes to a large extent and eats only plant based at home though he used to eat meat. He is caring and always there for me even when I am going a bit crazy. Sounds perfect right? Well. When I was 20 I met a guy (Dave) and we became best friends, after a year or so we had a short phase where we had sex, which led to quite some trouble and our friendship wasn’t the same ever since. We did see each other every couple of months but we never got that close again, he also moved to another country closeby. I really fell for him though and all throughout the years I was never able to let go of him, he appeared in my dreams and so on. He is the same age as me and my partner, but restarted college again in the new country he is in now, he is in no position to provide while I want to be a stay at home mum. Also he is not into me. He never was and I don’t think he ever will be. I dont’t know why I can’t get this guy out of my head, he still makes me shaky after five years and a lot of misbehaviour on his side. Luke on the other side is nice. But I never crushed on him once, it was all a rational choice. So tell me. How can I let go of this feeling for Dave? I just don’t get it, my mind is totally on board with planing my future with Luke and having a familiy and kids soon, still there is always this nagging voice/ feeling reminding me of Dave. I also thought about him while I was having sex with Luke and I feel really bad about it. How do I move on? I really want to be happy and feel like I am standing in my ow way.

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. How much do you owe your parents as they age? My father is very disagreeable and I hate being around him. As my father ages, he will need me to care for him more but I would like to move out of state. He does not have any savings to afford quality nursing home care. Do I need to take him with me because there would be no one else here to care for him?

2. I’m having environment issues and I’m really stuck as to what to do about it. I have a 36 year old special needs daughter. Every chance I get, I sneak into her room and grab some cookies, or candy or whatever else she has stashed in there away from Mom. It’s really hindering my progress.

3. I am easily thrown off by simple things at work or in my personal life- and I'm a crier. My mom and I had a disagreement recently and I didn't get over it for over an hour and kept involuntarily crying because I was so upset that I disappointed her. I don't re-calibrate quickly from negative feedback and I'd like to learn how to get better at it. Maybe I'm too darn sensitive.

I am very happy with my life, have a dream job, good performance reviews, good pay and I so I should be happy. But I know that I'm not fully applying myself at work and I that I'm cruising at 50% effort. As as result I feel constant guilt for slacking off at work, and yet I cannot seem to force myself to work harder. The boss is happy, and unless there is an immediate and heavy deadline I don't feel motivated. Can you talk about this phenomenon please?

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In today's replay of episode 211, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss:

1. How does neuroticism interact with IQ? We've all been in situations where a reasonable point of view is met by a barrage of irritable insults. Are people whose emotions play such a major role able to reason in an abstract and measured way, or does high neuroticism knock off the equivalent of 10 or 20 IQ points? Has this ever been studied?

2. What are the uses and limits of trying to create habits? For example, I often try to establish patterns of doing the dishes before bed, going to bed early, showering early during the day, cleaning regularly and the like, but it inevitably falls apart like someone coming off a diet. In what areas are/situations is it worth bothering, and how do I keep of track? How do I alter the CB amd make my conscious priorities into my nervous system's priorities too?

3. My husband had an affair last year, but we are slowly working through things ourselves and taking steps to save our marriage for our children. 1. How can I get over the feelings of inadequacy I have in my marriage post-affair? It's been almost a year since I found out and I still bring it up in arguments. At times I use it as my trump card and win our arguments as he feels bad every time I bring it up. Yet I can't bring myself to stop doing it. 2. How can I let go of the jealousy and resentment towards his affair partner? They are still in contact and remain friends. I find myself checking her social media accounts and obsessing over her, and I want to stop.

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In today's episode, Dr Lisle & Howk discuss the following questions

1.My friend (washed up Jimmy) felt that the Doctors were undervaluing 'washed up Jimmys' potential contribution to a relationship. He made an interesting point. In a society that is bringing women into the workforce, there will inevitably be more relationships with higher earning females. We can see that this will run afoul of our ancient attraction circuits. But isn't this a necessary trade off of the gender equality movement?If women in the workforce must "status-settle" on a lower earner, why not have a washed up Jimmy, as opposed to a low earning Horace? Horace can neither provide sexuality nor security. Maybe this is why this is a recurring dynamic in Dr. Howk's practice. The conversation got me thinking that perhaps a society that adheres to traditional genders roles is more conducive to viable romance.

2.I recently tried and failed to make my best friend into a trading partner. She needed money and seemed like she would be an asset to my business. I had started a proofreading company and hoped she would become one of my most reliable editors because she told me she had great experience and lots of her own clients. After she did a few less-than-perfect jobs for me, I decided I would not be passing on any more work to hersince I was losing money (I had to get her work re-edited). At the time, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her the work wasn’t good enough, so I paid her, said nothing, and hoped she would get the idea. Several months later, she has realised and cannot forgive me. For me, this was a purely business decision and was not personal. Even though I feel bad for her and how I handled the situation, I can't accept that I should have done different. But I've now lost a friend. Was this conflict of interests inevitable and is there any way to salvage this friendship?

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In tonight's replay of episode 190, Dr. Lisle discusses the following questions:

1. I was wondering how Dr Lisle reconciled two seemingly opposing thoughts I've heard on separate episodes. 1. CBT is an effective therapy to mitigate cognitive distortions and 2. The human brain/nervous system does an immaculate job of evaluating its effectiveness and status within a group. If our brains do such an amazing job of evaluating feedback from the group, why are cognitive distortions so common?

2.I've often felt anger when someone seems to misunderstand something, perhaps honestly and perhaps disingenuously in something that is approaching an argument. The feeling often keeps me from explaining exactly what I mean because I expect that the exact points of the disagreement are disingenuous so it won't matter and I will only regret justifying myself and "opening up". You've often mentioned that that communication in relationships isn't faulty the way most psychologist say, but you've also talked about getting crystal clear. So should I beat my genes and get crystal clear, or is the inference that it won't change a thing correct?

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle discusses the following question:

Do you have any tips for getting yourself to do the hard things you know you should do? I am a voracious consumer of self-improvement content. I truly believe in the science and superiority of the whole food plant-based diet, in the importance of regular exercise for physical and mental health, and in the benefit of productivity and life-improvement. I have things that I know would absolutely improve my life in the long run but I cannot seem to make myself do these things, even though I am high in conscientiousness. It's as if I keep convincing myself I can just "slip on by" being lazy. It's a pattern that has followed me all my life - I'm quite smart and always got good grades but I've only put in the effort to do well rather than extraordinary well like I could have, even though I know this would be of great benefit to my life in the long-run. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm in my mid-20s and obese, lonely, depressed, addicted to technology, and performing far below what I could be in life. How do I get myself to do the things that I know will make myself more happy and increase my competitiveness in society?

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In tonight's replay of episode 187, Dr. Lisle discusses:

Why am I so stagnant? Despite doing poorly in practically all the dimensions of my life (romantic, social, pursuit) I don't take any effective action. I've done an immense amount of therapies from various modalities, worked with many therapists, including numerous other things to no avail. I stew and rage but don't do anything and I don't know why. I also like to feel like a victim so as to not feel the pressure of responsibility.

2. Your explanation of anger and guilt being mirror emotions really struck me. Do you think there is always a mirror emotion like anger and guilt? Or is it rather mostly a spectrum like your explanation of depression and boredom, when related to stress? I would be curious to hear about more on categorizing emotions.

3. I am a bit confused about when disagreeableness is seen as a negative and positive trait. You said agreeableness is a highly valued trait, and while it is clear that one would want a disagreeable lawyer, you also said that charisma basically comes down to disagreeableness, and when most people think of charismatic people, they certainly don't think of pushiness and anger. I am probably ~75th percentile disagreeable (but pretty stable) and generally try to beat my genes by hiding it, but, not contradicting people, avoiding confrontation, for example with groups of friends. Am I right to do so, or could I win more friends/esteem by being more "assertive"?

4. I'm trying to work on it, but I feel I have an issue with agreeableness. I'm too agreeable, to the point that I feel bad about myself for disappointing others, like turning down a job offer or rejecting a potential partner when it's obvious that those situations won't work out. How do I get past this, "trying to please all of the people all of the time" mentality

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In today's show, Dr. Howk & Dr. Lisle discuss:

1. On your episode about the 2020 election, I was very surprised to hear the two of you lionize the sturdiness of American government when one of the central problems in American life, diet-related disease, is so largely attributable to lobbying. If government can be bought, how am I supposed to buy the idea of a reliable government?

2. How do people like the Esselstyns, Dr Campbell, and others not fall into the Ego Trap re: plant based eating?

3. Would you do a show addressing dating between men and women who are past their baby-making years? Those in their fifties and sixties or older who are widowed or divorced. As a 62 year old widow it seems most men just want something casual with no commitment. I want a commited partner. Any advice?

4. Last week I was crushed to hear Dr. Lisle say he is dead from an evolutionary prospective. As a an avid follower of Dr L, Dr H and BYG, this active 75 yr old woman is finished with with reproduction but still desiring social contact and certainly not ready to retreat from the village. I would love to hear you address the social needs of seniors who are open extroverts.

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In today's show, Nate Gershfeld recaps some favorite clips from the 2020 episodes.

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In the last live episode of 2020, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss:

1. I am in my mid forties and for almost my whole life I have been a strong advocate of much stricter controls of driving, smoking and drinking. Literally my only disclaimer is that I understand controls may lead the behaviour to go underground and so you'd have to allow for that. Otherwise: Bring on the controls of these dangerous activities! I personally do not own a car, do not smoke and do not drink by the way. Others seem not to feel the same and often strongly say the deaths are an acceptable cost to the ongoing enjoyment of smoking, drinking and relatively unsafe driving. How fantastic that everyone's cost-benefit-analysis has suddenly shifted so far to now accept infringements on personal behaviour to prevent covid deaths? I say "welcome to the saving lives party; I have been here enjoying it for many years and I welcome you. Perhaps now you are ready to save a few more million lives with some relatively minor additional infringements of personal liberty? Perhaps we could look at driving, smoking and drinking?" Muttered replies ensue. "Oh wait," I say, "covid is special? I've looked at the statistics and yes maybe it is. It seems to be by far the least dangerous of the four and yet we're doing much more about it. Wierd."

2. BYG listeners are sophisticated enough to recognize that and video games represent "supernormal stimuli" that can be problematic because they ultimately get in the way of achieving meaningful goals. But if we are really honest with ourselves, wouldn't we admit that dogs and cats are really just another form of this counterproductive "supernormal stimuli" - meaning that they tickle the reward pathways meant to incentivize family formation but could possible inhibit us from doing the work to form meaningful bonds/offspring with potential mates.

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In today's show, the dr's discuss the following topics:

As a somewhat successful women in her late thirties, I find many males attracted to my stability. I feel almost viewed as an asset to potential mates in the dating arena. Someone they would show off to their parents. Even to hear, ‘we could do so much with our incomes combined’. Dr. Lyle has stated men are not much concerned about provisions from the woman. I would like to hear your download on this. Along the same lines, I hire a dozen or so people a year to help in labor type jobs. Most of the individuals are in their 20’s and seem to lack work ethic compared to people in their later 30’s. I automatically think that the millennials lack work ethic and it is ‘learned behavior’. How do you explain this from an evolutionary standpoint? My point is, if laziness isn’t learned, why does it seem like we have more lazy people today than in previous generations?
I am concerned when I hear people and even Dr's say things like masks and social distancing and virtual learning is the permanent new normal. Even Dr McDougall has voiced some of this recently on a webchat. Why is this the trend, and is it going to be, Life isn't fun at all and I am finding this depressing. Months ago I shared Dr Ionaiddes and similar opinions on Facebook and got shut down hard. I apparently had the audacity to question the mask wearing and social distancing concepts and got ugly angry responses; it feels dystopian to me. Not a single person I know seemed to voice any of this? Am i the nut?

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In today's show, the Dr's answer and discuss the following questions:

My high blood pressure medication is causing me to underperform in the bedroom to the point where I feel extremely anxious, embarrassed, and guilty that I am losing this part of myself to old age. My doctor says it's either the meds or a stroke, so I follow her advice. My wife is very supportive, but I can't help but feel guilty. How can I help her understand that I do love her and that it's not her physical appearance that is causing my malfunction?

2. Eating foods that make you feel horribly bad. Why am I abusing myself in such manner? Can you help me understand the cycle?

3. When caught between the pleasure and ego trap for food is one way out to somehow get to the point that you know you can eat whatever you want but truly don't want to eat the high fat food? Or is the only way out to be sick and your life depends on it?

4. Can you provide a succinct, complete definition of the term, "Pleasure Trap" in your book of the same name?

5. I’m curious as to why and how we got it so wrong for so long with regards to genetics vs environment. We blame genetics for chronic diseases (diabetes, high cholesterol, cancer, etc), and we blame environment for our personalities, intelligence, behaviors, and life choices. When in reality, it’s the opposite. Who we are individually is genetic, and what diseases we get are driven mostly by environment (food and lifestyle). Once we found out the earth was round and revolves around the sun, most people caught on. How long do you think will it take for society to ‘catch on’ to the truth about genes and environment?

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In this replay of episode 185, Dr. Lisle answers these questions:

1. Given the profitability of prescribing pills and surgical procedures, do you believe the mainstream medical-industrial-complex will ever reach a tipping point and head in the direction of true health care? As opposed to the current system of what basically boils down to disease maintenance?

In church this week I felt very guilty. No one is specifically asking me for nutrition advice but every week we hear about and pray for members of our congregation that have everything from kidney stones to cancer and everything in between. All of these conditions would be helped by a whole food plant based diet. I don't feel comfortable saying much about my diet at church but I feel very guilty about not speaking up if information that I have could help someone who is suffering. Do you have any recommendations?

3. I am a Clinical Psychology Doctoral candidate, and I will have my first patients this Fall. I am nervous, excited, but mostly curious. What concepts and theories from EP have you found most useful in your clinical work? And what are the one or two things from EP that I can focus on to help better serve my patients?

4. Given that many core characteristics of personality are genetically determined, and that the evolutionary process of blind variation is bound to produce extremes, aren't there always bound to be some individuals in society who are likely to experience impulses to commit violent acts - with particularly horrific consequencies when gun laws allow comparatively easy access to lethal weapons?In the 'bottling up' episode you say that some people are bound to be 'shitheads' - so aren't there also always bound to be 'psychopaths' and no amount of moral education, religious observation or societal conservatism could ever eradicate the problem of mass killings?

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In this episode, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle analyze the 2020 US Presidential Election between President Trump and former VP Joe Biden.

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In this reply of episode 195, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss:

On today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk will answer the following questions:

1. Imagine a 20-year-old male. Every day, he plays video games, eats Twinkies, drinks Mountain Dew, binge watches Netflix, mindlessly scrolls through Social Media, and watches . What are the long-term and short-term effects of all this supernormal stimuli?

2.I feel like I’m stuck in a diet mindset where my internal audience won’t recognize any of my efforts unless I’m 100% compliant all of the time. Considering all the crap other people eat, I feel like I should be able to have one meal a week that’s not 100% wfpb and still be fine and not feel all this guilt?

3. I understand your view on how to handle questions about "why do eat that way" etc however i am wondering about what to say when people say things like "Oh i really need to do something about my weight so i have just started eating low carb high fat". Or " i have diabetes so i can't eat pasta or potatoes." Lately my respone has been to smile and say nothing however i am left feeling frustrated that there is so much that i could contribute to the conversation but i just hold back. What is the best approach when people say or do things that either simple wrong or not the best solution, particularily when you care about the person and want to be helpful?

4. I am impressed with the data behind a whole foods plant based diet but felt this wasn't something I could stick with long term. I've read in the pleasure trap strategies for telling others to buzz off, but still didn't like the social implications of being a young male vegan. Long term concerns for being on this diet? Would you recommend it for anyone?

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1.My husband and I are in our late 20s, no children, married less than 3 years. 6 months after our wedding, I became whole food plant based and an ethical vegan. I was already pretty healthy prior, but still lost 10 pounds and reversed some health conditions. My husband has a lot of health issues. He hasn’t physically changed much since our wedding and has always had these health problems, but I looked past them because I love everything else about my husband. He’s seen all the vegan documentaries and completely believes the science, but has no interest in eating healthier, being more active, or stop eating fast food daily. I love my husband and he supports my lifestyle, but I no longer find him attractive. I believe it’s because I know that if he drastically changed his diet, he could reverse many of his health problems that turn me off. I know it’s natural for couples to lose attraction towards each other over time, but what do you do when you’re repulsed by your spouse?

2.I’m a single mother of a girl that is intelligent and highly emotional. Much like her biological father I see genetic resemblance of undersirable traits. I’ve recently been dating a man which I feel a strong connection with. He is a single father and has a very emotionally stable, agreeable 15 year old daughter. My new partner seems blown away by my daughters highs and lows and I feel blamed for her behavior on my lack of my discipline. I feel like her behavior has to do with her genetics but is that a cop out for possibly a lack of discipline? How do I explain to this mid to low openness mate I’ve found that knows nothing of EP that she is who she is and we are along for the ride if he can bare it.

3.Do the 5 traits have to do more with how we feel or how we act? So if someone often thinks that people are no good bastards and hates most of them but acts nicely most of the time, that makes them high A person?

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In today's replay of Episode 192 we have the following questions:

What are Dr. Lisle's thoughts on group therapy? What is the purpose if there is one and how would he apply evolutionary principles and esteem dynamics to group therapy?

2. My MIL treats her 4 granddaughters quite differently. I am a disagreeable person who really values fairness. It’s hard not to comment or approach her when she treats them so different. Let’s not even begin to get into how many more clothes and toys (resources overall) she gets for her daughter’s girls. Is there a way for her to look at my daughter differently and allocate resources fairly?

3. Recently you described the Enlightenment Trap, which interested me greatly and I wondered if you believed there was some degree to which meditation practice was a means of beating the genetic disposition for egoistic drives for status enhancement. Robert Wright certainly seems to think so. I recognise that there are apparently many examples of pseudo- meditators displaying their practice conspicuously as a status / virtue-signalling attempt, but do you believe there are some devotees who genuinely manage to reduce egoistic drives?

4. I am a professional woman in my middle years and want to be less critical of people and other things.

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In today's new episode, Dr. Lisle discusses the following questions:

1) I was deeply fascinated by the Drs' take on narcissism and finally realized my mother is a narcissist. Many of my "friends" are also narcissists or suffer from tendencies. Is there a correlation between being raised by a narcissist and seeking those same traits in friends/partners? And what advice would you share for dealing with these people, short of running for the door?

2) I finished How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World earlier this year. What an amazing book that has radically changed my outlook on things. Since then I have tried to be much more intentional about honestly presenting myself and honestly going after relationships I see as high value. I have to admit that I have gotten a lot of negative feedback from romantic opportunities and family since updating my thinking. Does truly embracing your self/freedom come with growing pains and time or is just that being yourself is just a more lonely experience? Does any of this have to do with these beliefs being less sexually attractive than more convention beliefs around family, marriage, governments etc?

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In this replay of Episode 191, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle answer the following questions:

1. What is impostor syndrome? Can you change the perception of feeling like a fraud?

A dad's son climbs on a roof to look at his neighbor's nude sunbathing. Dad handles it, but mom is furious and thinks this is huge issue warranting psychiatric medications.

3. A listener's boyfriend ended up at a stripclub with coworkers. He denies he got a lapdance even though everyone else got one. Listener wants to know if she is the one insecure and if a more confident woman wouldn't mind this happening. And also if this is 'normal behavior' for men and so she should expect it from any future partners.

Does having more wealth increase the trait of openness?
What does the future hold for humans capable or not capable of thriving in the modern environment in the face of so many traps?

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In this new episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk answer these q's:

1. Voicemail question: Are there some situations where you avoid using the down arrow technique like when the worst case scenario is actually going to happen or already present?

2. Imagine that you are magically made Emperor of K-12 Education in the US. Essentially, you have complete, authoritarian control over the education system and can expect 100% compliance on your vision and mandates. How would you design the education system, and how does the big 5 and evo psych affect your design?

3. I want to make sure I understand beating your genes. If people are told no, punished, held back, negative reinforcement over and over again it will affect the genes. Is this a true statement.

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In this replay of episode 188, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk, discuss the following questions:

My niece and I have been debating whether it’s safe for attractive young solo female travelers to couch surf. She believes that a careful reading of a host’s couch surfing profile enables her to spot would-be predators. What are your thoughts on this Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk?

2. Can you talk about what resilience is with regard to personality/the big 5? Do you think that it is possible to help people develop resilience or grit?

3. I dated a guy for about 5 years who would never commit and cheated on me several times, though I did not learn of his indiscretions until after the relationship ended. I recently found out that he married one of the women who he cheated on me with after dating her for only a brief time. After our split was all said and done I definitely felt like I came out it with the better end of the deal, and I’m now in a relationship that has major magic 10% potential; so my question is: why am I so irritated about my loser ex’s quickie marriage?

4. I contracted Herpes from a long term boyfriend who was cheating on me about 10 years ago. I find it so difficult to share this information with a new person. I am 50 years old and reasonably attractive but haven’t been dating from shame regarding this condition. You’re straight talk suggestions are so helpful on this podcast, I’m wondering if you can advise me on how to best frame this situation for myself, my status, and potential mates.

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I have been a proponent of wholesome eating as the guarantee of good health and optimal weight. The approach has worked great for me, but I am still curious to know if eating high caloric density foods – but within strict daily caloric “budget” – is detrimental to one’s health? I have no cravings or addictions of any sort, it is almost an “academic” question mostly concerning socially inflicted foods like BBQ, wine, cheese, etc.

2. My girlfriend often slips into baby talk — and it grates on my nerves, but I don’t know how to stop it. Any suggestions?

3. I’m wondering, why we’re having so many beautiful women in Russia, but much less of handsome men. Is there any explanation?

4.Plomin states that the heritablity of weight is 70%. Is this statistic a byproduct of our modern food environment and therefore an explanation of the obesity problem? How would the heritability of weight differ in a stone-age environment? How would it differ if we measured a cohort from Chef AJ's group? That word heritability, is also confusing. Please explain.

Whats up with corporate jargon, like "Could you action this item?", buzz words like "synergy", being told to "think outside the box", needlessly fancy job titles and the like. I realize it's bound to be several things: conferring status cheaply, trying to motivate by conveying positivity, obfuscating to avoid concrete promises and cover asses, trying to sound smart and adjusting language use to match the in-group. Am I mistaken or missing anything? Where does this jargon come from -is it perpetuated by business schools or the fanciest companies? Am I penalizing myself significantly if I don't go along with all this BS?

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If it is true that we can't change people, why would evolution waste energy engineer feelings in us that make us feel incline to try to change others? If we can't change others, why do people come to believe they can or enter relationships with others on that premise?

2. My brother has always been very private about his relationship with his significant other, to the point that it makes our family uncomfortable. She was a foreign exchange student when they met, failed to meet requirements for her work visa this spring, and my brother finally told us they got married this past May to keep her in the states. He also expressed as recently as one year ago he is not even sure he likes her, but does enjoy her attention and having company. I guess my question here is twofold; is it worth expressing concern to him about this being that’s it’s done? It was a particularly hard blow to my parents, who are practicing Catholics, and I don’t see how he could fail to see the hurt it would cause them. Second... from a gene standpoint, why did he do this?

3. I have a 15 year old son who did poorly in school after it moved online last spring - eventually he stopped doing any of his work and lied to my husband and I about it. He is returning to a hybrid model in a couple of weeks, and I am already dreading the acrimony that will follow. My husband is our son's stepfather with no biological children of his own. In the past, there has been conflict between my husband and I about how to handle this - I think my husband is draconian and he thinks I'm too relaxed. How much freedom is appropriate to give kids when it comes to schoolwork? What about lying? Is there any way to protect my relationships with both my husband and my son through this? And finally, why do some step-parents (like my husband) get so invested in kids that will not be carrying their genes forward?

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I am a 40-something male on the online/swipey app dating scene. I have had rotten luck and I am interested in whether turning off “read receipts” on WhatsApp is putting women off. I like the freedom that turning off “read receipts” gives me. At the same time I worry I am giving into my fears of rejection, possibly ego-trapping myself. Why does it feel empowering to turn off “read receipts” on WhatsApp and is this potentially putting off women who may think I have a hidden agenda?
I have found that my desire for sex has significantly declined. So, my question is: am I a freak of nature? Or is something else potentially going on that could be corrected?
I’ve been fixated on losing 7-10 more pounds for the last 2 years but the weight just does not come off. Is there something I could do to actually lose this weight? Or how can I convince my mind that this is it and just be happy about it?

4. I remember in high school being taught the concept of critical thinking skills. The more I enhance my knowledge of evolutionary psychology and see certain personality types on social media promote conspiracy theories, I believe teaching these concepts are limited. It appears critical thinking skills and questioning authenticity can be finessed for those with the personality type, but I no longer think it’s a skill set that can be universally taught. Am I viewing this incorrectly as I come up-to-speed on EP? What other American school system skill sets cannot be universally taught due to our differences in personality types?

5. Why is it funny to us when we see animals doing silly things?

Why do people love to solo dance so much?

7. Why in the world would someone literally only want to be listened to?

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In today's show, the Dr's answer these Q's:

1. Why do we root for under-dogs ? How do we get status from a group that contains perennial losers ?

2. My husband and I are both 30 and have been married 2 years. My husband really wants kids, but I’m nervous about his lazy habits when that day comes. My question is: will having kids force my husband to be more active? I’m worried he will still be a couch potato 10 years from now and won’t be an active and engaged parent.

3. I've got a comment about episode 232 in which DDL says there is no unconditional love...while I agree with his response, it made me wonder why I would have feelings of unconditional love toward my dog who does not share my genes...

4. . I am curious if these leanings politically are inherent at the genetic level and what is the mechanism behind it? Is it just where we all far along the bell curves of our personality characteristic that make us all come to such different conclusions in spite of all being in the same environment?

5. On personality tests, I come out as high disagreeable. However, I absolutely cannot stand confrontation and have my whole life been a bit of a people pleaser. I grew up with narcissistic parents in an emotionally-volatile household where I took it upon myself to be the child that diffused tension and provided some comic relief. Did my upbringing disturb my genetic disagreeable streak? I am a conundrum unto myself. Please unravel me.

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle updates us on his thinking about the COVID-19 pandemic and current events surrounding lockdowns, death rates, and the future.

Two questions are answered and they are:

1. Question about war - I am fascinated about how humans can band together in tribes and kill eachother. They also will battle eachother while having hospitals right there to treat the wounded. I can understand fighting over resources but these days it seems to be more over ideologies than that. Do you have any evolutionary insight into this? Couldn't this potentially be detrimental to gene and species survival?

2. Why we are more inclined to have High Expectations even when they make us fall into Ego Trap while we don't like to have Lower Expectations even if they help us. Is this due to social-cultural messaging or upbringing? Or something else is the cause?

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1. I feel like I am in the process of losing my best friend. She has been trying to leave an emotionally abusive/narcissistic relationship with a much older man for a while. Of her own admission she has “no future” with this guy. Whenever I try to have this conversation with her, she freezes up and goes silent on me for weeks until she messages again with a complete change of topic. What would you do, doctors, if you were in my position?

2. I have a question regarding alien abductions. If mental illness is not to account for the feeling of being abducted by aliens, what are the doctor’s takes on this strange phenomenon?

3. I’ve been struggling with mood swings/PMS my whole life now, however, they’ve gotten worse over the past few months since I seem to let out my frustration on my partner now. I’d really appreciate some tips on how to get along with my significant other during this special time and get some advice on how to not obsess over one’s emotions.

What is the deal with anger management? I guess I'm in a situation where I feel very angry (and confident that I'm right) but it feels awful. Is time the only way to get over it?
I was glad to see Jordan Peterson is doing so much better after recovering from his physical dependency on benzodiazapines. I think many people were surprised he turned to benzos, given his knowledge as an Evolutionary Psychologist. Would you be able to explain what makes people desperate enough to seek anti-anxiety drugs and what could be done from an Evolutionary Psychology point of view instead to reduce stress and anxiety and avoid resorting to medication?

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My 19 year old daughter confided in me that she and her friend joined a sugar baby website and has met an older man. I am her birthmother. We are in an "open adoption arrangement" I am 38, so younger than her mom and someone she confides in. No other adults know about this. Is this normal developmentally and I should just let it play out, or is this out of bounds, and I may need to intervene more assertively?

2. Is there any way to spot people on extreme ends of the bell curve by their appearance? Perhaps it has to do with sensitivity and some people could have an intuitive way of recognizing red flag characteristics, whether in physical structure/form or expression? Is there any validity or basis to this? An evolutionary explanation?

I keep noticing current references to "unconditional love." Some in "spiritual circles, some in philosophy, some in the news. People supposedly suddenly want new pets for the unconditional love they are missing in isolation. Taking Ketamine or psilocybin supposedly gives the subject a reference experience of Unconditional Love, so then they can go on to cultivate that perception and achieve a new state of consciousness. Etc. I have looked for a long time, and I have not yet found any "loving" (bonding, service, caring, sharing, etc.) without some kind of conditions behind it. And wouldn't loving-looking behavior be determined by the big 5, and not be altered by a transcendent experience? What does EP say about it?

4.Anyways, my husband and family members joke that I have an irrational fear of homelessness and logically I know it’s unlikely that I will ever be homeless, but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about it on a weekly basis. How does someone become homeless? And if in some imaginary reality you were charged with decreasing or eliminating homelessness by any means necessary, what would you do?

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Today's questions:

1. I'm interested in the post-Corona calibration process many of us are likely going through or about to go through. I'd be interested to hear how this unique level of isolation we've all experienced leads to decalibration and then the process of recalibrating again. I am just now starting to "get back out there" and I get the sense that my nervous system is desperate for calibration while at the same time guarded against any potential bad news. What do you think, doctors?

2. I'm curious why it seems so many of us are programmed to want to push our kids to achieve if the long-term influence falls flat.

3. I am struggling to realize the last chapter of How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, where the author describes freedom from wanting to control others. I have a 29 year old brother who still lives with my mother. He was working before the pandemic, but is currently unemployed. He has made thousands of dollars a month but pays her nothing. He says she doesn't care and he is wanted. She says she doesn't mind other. In the past I have argued about why this relationship is bad for them both. I'm having a hard time why this situation makes me so angry, when really it is none of my business. I would love to "be free" of my concern, but it feels deeply concerning that from what I see my brother is exploiting my mother to avoid life and she is enabling him because she doesn't want to live alone.

4. When women write "family-oriented" on a dating profile is this code for "looking for man who will invest all of his resources into me and our potential children" and also "I'm vetting your current relationship with your mother as proof!"

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk start with a dating question and branch off to discuss the Repeat Exposure Effect along with a song performed by one of our listeners, Warren Tews (https://youtu.be/T7_BjA_M74A), the discussion turns towards "All about the Eggs" as Dr. Lisle describes the male mating strategy of "trying to get to the female's eggs" and the confusion (from the female) that can result from that. Included in the discussion is online dating strategies for women for pair bond success.

Question:

Dear Beat Your Genes team, From what I am hearing, as a female 10, I have practically no chance of ever pair-bonding with an objective male 10 (my equal). The best I can do is settle for a 9 with more/better resources than me (subjective 10), which can only be achieved via repeat exposure, correct? Needless to say, online dating is a nightmare, but offline I have not met/seen a man, who would make me feel overrewarded (or even remotely attracted) in more than 5 years (latest divorce). To aggravate the problem, I am also a sapiosexual. Any insights into how I can overcome this challenge are welcome. P.S. Dr. Howk is a hoot and makes a fantastic addition to the team. Can't wait to hear her laugh at my question.

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In today's show, the Dr's discuss these questions:

Ive been following Geoffory Millers twitter during the past couple months and noticed that his worldview is trending to become a little more conservative and traditionalist in light of the unprecedented level of social conflict we are experiencing. This is something that resonates with me. Once I began to understand the principles of Evolutionary Psychology, I began to see the hidden wisdom in tradition. I notice that Dr. Lisle does not seem to place much value on traditional behaviours and I always thought this was curious. Can you ask him to speak to this?

2. What is the best way to deal with sadness of grief? Are there some basic things to do? Specifically, my mother died. She was old. It was time. I am still very sad and it has hit me harder than I expected.

3. Why is everyone so divided in today’s climate? All the protests. Upset over wearing a mask. Politics. Media hype. I’m having a hard time just being me, being pressured to choose sides.

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1. I have come to some confusion reconciling the Selfish Gene's central ideas and Plomin's description of genetics. The confusion though comes from trying to understand how the notion of self selective pressures at the individual gene level would be possible when so many traits of the phenotype are the result of the interaction of several genes within the genome. How can individual genes "compete" when each individual gene is reliant on how it "correlates(?)" with the rest of the genome.

2. Whenever I don’t orgasm during sex, I feel guilty. This may be because I fake the orgasm. I am not sure whether this is my internal audience censuring me or whether I am simply empathising for my guileless husband. Or, maybe, something else. Why can’t I be honest about my inorgasmia? I don’t always have a problem orgasming but around half the time I fake it. It’s not fun. What say you?

3. What would you recommend for a stay at home Mom who has two small children and is constrained by time and energy to pursue her individual goals? I am experiencing low mood on a regular basis and don't want to turn to medication. Overall, I don't have a strong sense of self-efficacy and feel like my best way forward is accepting my situation and letting go of personal goals for the foreseeable future. My husband and I are not in a financial position to use money as a way to provide child care or outsource other tasks. I wonder if I am going through a recalibration process of lowering my goals and expectations, which is the source of my low mood. Am I constrained by time and energy to not feel good until my children are more autonomous?

4. Why of why do many of us seek entertainment over sleep even though we're really tired? How could our minds possibly be so convinced that this is a worthwhile thing?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

I know you propose that personality is 100% genetically driven. But Dr. McDougall has shown that genes can be turned on and off by diet, and that even the DNA of twins may diverge over time if each twin is raised separately on different diets. Might the same thing be true of the genes behind our personalities? That certain genes could be switched on or off by environmental impacts. And if so, wouldn't that mean that nurture (along with nature) does in fact affect personality?

2. Though parents don't shape their children's personalities, that time at home can leave all sorts of lasting outcomes including anything along the spectrum of wonderful to terrible memories, respectful relationships or bitterness and resentment toward one another, great financial inheritance or debt, and generally, the set of examples and information made available or limited for the child can heavily influence their life choices and performance. After can't a child and emerging adult only work with the ideas they have available to them, and can't they get set into certain ruts of ideologies and perspectives including their religious beliefs?

3. I am sold on your lucid explanations of how behavioral genetics shapes personality. So doesn't if naturally follow that by going back in time to study differences between the ecological/ political /religious influences in different areas of the world throughout our history, that we can use these differences to speculate as to how these differences have shaped personality in different areas of the world. The question is, can you identify or speculate on historical factors that may explain statistical differences in personality between different peoples.

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Q's

1. I'm a hyperconscientious nutcase but I don't relate at all to Dr Lisle's statement that HCNCs are more likely to be over the top with wearing masks, washing hands, etc.. I find myself getting so irritated with other people's compliance that I now make sarcastic comments in public whenever I see people wearing masks or dutifully standing on crosses in supermarket queues. What is happening to me? Is this situational disagreeableness, or is there another explanation?

2. Dr Lisle has spoken in the past about how the way to bring people over to a whole-foods plant-based way of life is to evince humility in the way you present the benefits ("seems to be working for me"). How do esteem dynamics operate between a perceived exemplars and their spectators? Is posturing like a Pyrrhonian sceptic the most effective way to get people to listen to (and follow) your example?

3. Do you have any advice on the gentlest way to break up with someone? I entered into a secret, long distance relationship with another woman close to seven years ago when I was 23 and she was 30. We both haven't told our families about our relationship because we are related - we are cousins-once-removed and our families are very close.

4. I am a 30 year old male and I honestly don't feel a very strong connection to my family. I grew up in a fairly toxic environment of alcoholism and the whole experience has left me jaded toward the mainstream view of family. I have a very sweet girlfriend, but I recently told her I was hesitant about the idea of marriage because it seems like too big of a risk and not essential to have a meaningful relationship with someone. Her response to this and the feelings about family has been to suggest I go to therapy to deal with my childhood issues. How do I tell her that would be a waste of time?

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In today's show, the doctors discuss:

1. Looking at a list of the foods with the most AGEs in them (fried or high temperature cooked high-protein/fat/sugar foods), it almost seems as if humans can in fact taste AGEs specifically. Why should the products of cooked fats and protein, especially in combination with each other and sugar, taste so much better to humans than those same products mildly cooked or uncooked.

2.I understand that adopting a WFPB diet is a way of "beating our genes" that haven't caught up to our hyper-stimulated modern environment. If we were to continue forward without adopting the diet, wouldn't our genes eventually catch up?

3. I teach WFPB nutrition to women in recovery. The program teaches self-esteem based on the work of Nathaniel Branden and they have merged this approach with nutrition. There are always some women who are completely closed to the concepts, but I focus on those who are curious. My question is around the self-esteem content and the best way to integrate the two topics. How to support their development of self-esteem given their history of addiction? How do the doctors feel about Dr. Branden's work, if they have any suggestions for supporting women in recovery, and thoughts about how to best integrate the topics

4. I'm highly conscientious, fairly introverted, open and agreeable, but a bit unstable. In my short life I've been a metalhead drummer, a skateboarder, have studied classical piano and physics and am now a doctor. Unfortunately, I have now been finding it increasingly difficult to relate to the people around me, and I have been floundering in social situations. I don't have a relaxed, easy-going attitude and can't fake it either. What advice do you have for improving my social situation? I know Dr. Lisle recommends fishing where the fish are, but I'm struggling to find my fish.

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle briefly discusses the current events in the USA and then discusses these q's:

1. I come from a family of low lifes, junkies, and drug addicts. I was able to be the first in my family to get a college degree of any kind and would like to pursue a Phd. I am willing to believe this might be reaching on my part and I might fail, but it seems worthwhile to try. If I were to look at my genetics it makes me think I’m doomed to become a drug addict who accomplishes nothing. Wouldn’t it be more useful to have a growth mindset about your abilities and let the environment tell you where you are reaching out of your league. If I’m being honest the genetics perspective just makes me feel very hopeless, where my lived experience does not. How can I more usefully incorporate this perspective to help fuel achievement, rather than a fixed mindset of my own abilities as determined by genetics?

2. I'm noticing that despite the evidence that is widely available, people who should not be personally overly fearful of the coronavirus are in fact quite fearful. You have discussed many possible reasons for this, including a reason for opting out of competition and the like, but I'm curious if what we're seeing is nervous systems intentionally generating personal levels of fear in order to obtain/maintain status.

3. I am wondering what advice you have for people that may have inherited a lot of money, or won the lottery. How can this affect the self-esteem mechanism and what's the best way to handle the money to achieve happiness?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss the following:

1. How does withdrawal and Tolerance In drug usage compare to eating foods with addictive properties in terms of trying to quit? For instance, Would planning a strict day and time for a specific portioned unhealthy meal once a week then after get straight back on the wagon aid in keeping tolerance low and cravings at bay? or is complete abstinence the key to lifelong success in ending the addiction? I’ve been trying for about 3 years to be WFPB but I’ve never made it more than 30 days and when I cave into crap foods each time it’s making me doubt I could achieve this success.

2. It seems so far that calorie restriction might not offer the degree of increased longevity benefits for humans as is found in mice and other animals. If you took an evolutionary perspective on this, what might you guess could explain why humans don't get quite the boost that other animals do? Do you think humans and perhaps some other animals have physiology that might expect to go hungry fairly often, so it's required for a normal lifespan rather than causing an abnormally longer one?

3. I recently celebrated my 30th birthday during this time, as fun and different as it was, the classic questions have now come to my mind about dating/settling down. I am single, and have not been on a date in 2 years! I know my chances are decreasing by the year of "finding a mate", and I am worried that males will be able to tell I am not as young as is ideal. Is there any way of avoiding this/giving off the illusions/impression that I still have value on the market as much as a twenty something?

4. Is following your lust just another pleasure trap that will leave you dissatisfied long term? Should a person who is not pair bond oriented try to work towards this for long term happiness or is this like trying to change your personality?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle gives our audience an update and some reflection about the coronavirus pandemic. In true fashion, what was intended to be a few minutes of finalizing the coronavirus stats discussion followed by listener questions, ended up being an entire show about coronavirus stats & updates. Next show, we resume listener questions.

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle & Howk discuss these questions:

1. Do you see any big long term changes coming as a result of the shut down and isolation that will last more than a few months? Will this cause any long term evolutionary pressures for habit change or will we revert back to the same norms?

2.I'm disagreeable and fairly low conscientious and don't respond well to authority. If I get told to do something I don't want to do, it just makes me not want to do it even more. During the pandemic, how can I stop getting annoyed and getting into arguments with people and other jobsworths making pointless and unreasonable demands beyond the legal requirements of social distancing? Sometimes it feels like some people are in a competition to be seen as doing the pandemic better than others and love to point out all the faults, real or imagined, of others.

I am a hyper-conscientious nut case as Dr. Lisle would say. I've been running tech startups for over 25 years but my latest one has really burned me out. My life and my office are in disarray. I'm normally a very organized person but now I have piles of things everywhere and I can't seem to dig myself out. I can't get motivated. The only thing I'm very conscientious about now is my diet and exercise. Is there a way to kick start my natural tendencies and get organized again.?What do you suggest for recovering from burn out? How long will it take to recover?

4. How do you help someone to get the right help? A colleague of mine recently opened up to me about struggling with what seems to be a deep depression and suicidal thoughts. Of course anything I say is only a drop in the ocean. Knowing what I now know, this is really frustrating to me. How can you help someone get the right help? What advice do I best give to someone who I know is on the wrong track?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss the following questions:

1. HELP! Am I going to lose friends over the virus? Most of my friends are overwhelmed with fear and are just bossing everyone around. Seems like if I don't agree w/ their demands (i.e. wear a mask, even when outside and 6 feet apart) or if I don't show as much fear as they do, I get the strong impression that it could have a negative and permanent impact on the friendship. I've had to lie to my close friends and I don't like being put in that position. I honestly am starting to feel harassed. How can I manage this?

2. My issue is on conflict. In my situation I always want to run away from conflict and get away as fast as I can. I would like to know how I can stop feeling this way and just deal with the conflict without going into a downward spiral.

3. Does the fear that has gripped the US qualify as clinical mass hysteria or since it has been driven by poor health statistics and media reporting is it justifiable?

4. Hi there, very interested to hear about some of the theory around self-esteem; it resonated very strongly with me in the current situation as I definitely struggle without “meaningful” work. I was wondering if you would be able to develop on this and perhaps, the role of status in an anxious mind.

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In today's show, Dr. Howk and Nate discuss life during lockdown. Dr. Howk comments on those struggling to accomplish a particular task because the lockdown has disrupted their normal routine whether it's escaping the pleasure trap or other such tough task. We also discuss the psychology behind finding yourself delaying action on something important due to the disruptive effects of COVID-19.

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss new data that has been released in the last week indicating an even more favorable direction.

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk clarify some of the data & math behind the coronavirus pandemic currently dominating government policy and news discussions.

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On today's show, the Dr's discuss the ongoing coronavirus situation with some pointed questions regarding lockdown loneliness, the economy, libertarian angst during a pandemic, and the different responses of different countries as it pertains to personality differences.

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk wanted to make a video podcast so the audio has been uploaded here but you can watch it here: https://youtu.be/x40WWoUpeds

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk continue the coronavirus pandemic discussion.

Dr. Lisle is a former professor of statistics at Stanford University and he has analyzed the data on the coronavirus data coming out of the worldometers.info website. He shares his insight and interpretation with us. Dr. Howk's recent articles, "When Bad News is Good News" and 'Of Pandemics and Personaity" are also the topic of discussion in this show.

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss the coronavirus pandemic and what to consider when hearing news of this outbreak.

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In today's show, the Dr's discuss the following questions:

Would you still recommend psychology as a career? I am interested in becoming a therapist, and your podcast has turned what I thought I knew on it's head and has completely changed the way I would want to go about my theoretical orientation. But now that it's so different, I feel like I am doubting everything. Could you talk a little about what it's like to be in the position of the therapist? I am looking for information to direct my behavioral output.
How do I overcome fear? I have a friend who is brave and courageous! I would so like to accomplish those qualities, but whether it comes to sky diving, public speaking, or taking other risks im super scared and it takes so much for me to make the leap? How can I make the leap easier and become more courageous when I know that's what I really want? any tricks/shortcuts/technique or game changing information regarding this?
I am a female in my 50s now, and all of my life when someone is mad or upset with me, for any reason and no matter who has the 'right' to be upset, I cannot live with it. I perseverate on it and I cannot shake things until things are resolved and even after sometimes I do not find a release. I am surprised that at this point in my life I cannot shake this. For example, at work I made a mistake and I am working to fix the error, but I am ashamed and even though I am moving forward with efforts to fix the problem and grow from it, I cannot rest for weeks. What is this heavy and stressful feeling trying to tell me?

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On today's show, the Dr's answer these questions:

1. How does neuroticism interact with IQ? We've all been in situations where a reasonable point of view is met by a barrage of irritable insults. Are people whose emotions play such a major role able to reason in an abstract and measured way, or does high neuroticism knock off the equivalent of 10 or 20 IQ points? Has this ever been studied?

2. What are the uses and limits of trying to create habits? For example, I often try to establish patterns of doing the dishes before bed, going to bed early, showering early during the day, cleaning regularly and the like, but it inevitably falls apart like someone coming off a diet. In what areas are/situations is it worth bothering, and how do I keep of track? How do I alter the CB amd make my conscious priorities into my nervous system's priorities too?

3. My husband had an affair last year, but we are slowly working through things ourselves and taking steps to save our marriage for our children. 1. How can I get over the feelings of inadequacy I have in my marriage post-affair? It's been almost a year since I found out and I still bring it up in arguments. At times I use it as my trump card and win our arguments as he feels bad every time I bring it up. Yet I can't bring myself to stop doing it. 2. How can I let go of the jealousy and resentment towards his affair partner? They are still in contact and remain friends. I find myself checking her social media accounts and obsessing over her, and I want to stop.

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In today's show, Dr. Howk discusses the following questions:

I belong to a professional organization that has been working to root out genuine problems with racism, albeit in fits and starts. But lately it feels as though the tone has devolved from one of problem-solving to grievance-seeking and grievance-magnification. The communications have been hijacked by highly disagreeable and/or highly neurotic individuals, plus those who are gaining status as lead torchbearer. A few have said they'd rather destroy the organization than be part of one which hasn't achieved their goals for diversity, even if said organization was doing good advocacy work for others. Is there any coming back from this? All pleas for mutual respect and professionalism are decried as tone-policing and their originators as enablers and bigots. Anything I can do besides keep my tongue tucked and eyes on my own work? Thank you for your thoughts! I'm grateful to this podcast for giving some psychological distance from the ongoing shit show.

2. Dr. Lisle has mentioned the concept of “internal ugliness” a couple of times in previous shows. How does one go about identifying their own internal ugliness, and then mitigating or correcting it?

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle answers the following questions:

1. Are some people more susceptible to addiction than others? If so, why are some people more susceptible to addiction than others?

In my husbands family, several members are bullies. Even my husband will join the bully pack if there is any indication they might turn on him. I am highly agreeable and conscience and find I am often the target of their bullying. What is the best 'tactic' to use with adult bullies in families?

3. What attracts people to others from different ethnic backgrounds to themselves? I wish was drawn to women with dark features as there are so many more of these women in the world.

4. People get physically less attractive as they age. They also become less fertile to the point of being infertile. What happens when looks and the prospect of sex are no longer appealing due to age related decline? How does evolutionary psychology explain attraction at this point in life and beyond?

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On today's show, Dr. Lisle goes over these questions:

1.I have a brother-in-law who is mildly successful, makes decent money. he thinks he’s the most intelligent and successful person. He constantly finds ways to brag about how well off he is and how he is just better than everyone. How does one deal with a person like this?

I would like to understand this epidemic of anxiety that is happening these days. What is happening? I have 5 adult children and they are all thriving, successful, socially contributing adults ranging from 20 - 37. 4 of our children and 1 daughter in law are all suffering from high levels of anxiety. 2 of them are taking medication for it. I have taught meditation for several years now and I see it in the classrooms with children even as young as kindegarten. They suffer with being able to fall asleep and have trouble 'letting go' and just relaxing. Their anxieties are different among them. The girls seem to get anxious about general life situations and the boys are more anxious about every ache and pain in their bodies being some sign of a horrible disease. I'm so confused as to what's going on in this world that so many people have anxiety and how as a parent can I help them.
If mild depression is an uncomfortable feeling that prompts us to evaluate our behavior, in some cases, which would be a positive move to make if we need to make adjustments, how would a more serious form - including suicide - be evolutionarily beneficial? Is this a helpful response gone awry due to more than tolerable social conditions? Do you think we have more depression today than in previous decades, centuries, or civilizations?

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In today's episode, we go over these questions:

I understand from evolutionary psychology that certain market distortions, like a large number of females in college, or a small number of males in elderly age affect the quality of partners we're willing to date. What I am not sure about is how this calibration changes subjective experience. Do people only change their behavior to attain a partner, or do they also feel more attracted to people of perhaps lesser gene quality?

2. When I was in my twenties, I used to go to bars and wait in line to get in during the winter. In Montreal, winters can be very cold but one would always see girls waiting in the cold with no proper clothing. These happened to be the sexiest girls. My buddy would be impressed with them, saying that they seemed to have a supernatural ability to beat the cold. My question is: do you think that exhibiting the capacity to sustain a noxious stimulus can be used as a gene quality signal? Do you think that smoking can also viewed in this way? It is obviously a pleasure trap, but smokers may want to send the signal: "Look how high quality my genes are, if I can get away with smoking with impunity"

3. I am an introverted married woman in my mid forties. I have a friend who is single and in her early 60s. She frequently asks me and a small covey of women (who all happen to have mates) to go out dancing, to dinner, etc. via group texts. As I refuse to go to nightclubs, I occasionally join them for dinners (maybe twice a year) but refuse to go to nightclubs. My question is, Does a woman increase her chances of finding a mate if she surrounds herself with other women? Is she attempting to create a lure of sorts? I don’t want to continue to be uncooperative about assembling with the group if this is something that could potentially increase her chances at finding someone.

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In today's show, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk go over the following questions:

1. Depression often gets talked about as being a biological condition and that just like having a broken arm, treating depression with medication is similar to treating a broken bone with a splint. What is the opinion of Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk about treating depression with medication vs. taking an evolutionary approach to helping individuals improve the esteem dynamics in their life? The combination of medication and therapy is often viewed as the best treatment, but I don’t think most therapies take the approach that Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk do.

2. I'm a male and I've noticed that in numerous relationships, if my girlfriend was mad, then she would just flat out ignore me. I don't understand this behavior as anger would usually lead me to talk through issues and try to resolve them, whereas they might just ignore my calls and messages for days at a time. This caused me tremendous stress ro the point of getting no sleep and significantly impaired life functioning. How do I deal with this situation? And is this a male/female difference in conflict resolution, or an esteem dynamic where I'm over rewarded?

3. Ive been living with my boyfriend for over 15 yrs. Been with him total of 25 yrs. Im a young 60, he is 57. Ready to fall off ur chair? We have never had intercourse. First 10 yrs we done sone other intimate things, but no more. He never pursues or initiates anything with me. I used to try, but tired of being rejected.;( I want to leave the relationship. But do not. I definitely need help, can u give me some insight & guidance.

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In today's episode Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk answer the following questions:

My brother never does anything in moderation, for example if he starts working out, he'll organize his life around it, stop all social drinking and the like. Then he will eventually feel empty and complain he's burnt out. My question is, is he destined to live in this open-unstable roller-coaster ride, or can I give him some advice (perhaps Harry Browne style) that will help him find his place?

2. I've heard Dr. Howk talk about social media as a potential pleasure trap, and I was wondering if she could go into more depth on that. What are the circuits being hijacked? What advice would you give to a low-key social media addict?

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In this episode, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk briefly discuss a recent article titled, "Harvard researchers help explain link between emotion and addictive substance use".

https://www.hks.harvard.edu/faculty-research/policy-topics/health/report-sadness-triggers-addictive-behavior

They discuss addiction, relapsing, channel factors, Dr. Howk shares a personal story, and we answer the following listener question:

Most of the people I know use chemicals to manage their lives as least in some aspects: coffee to wake up, alcohol for social lubrication, SSRIs when feeling down, and beta blockers for anxiety, even Adderall or cocaine for productivity and charisma and so on. Even knowing what I know, it's hard to resist the feeling that I'm leaving some competitive advantage on the table by not partaking. I assume you would discourage the use of most if not all of these substances. It it because you think they are all net negative in the long run, or do you find the whole concept puts the cart before the horse by trying to mold emotions to fit the environment instead of working on the environment? Are there any exceptions?

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In today's show, we'll get the Dr's take on a recent study "Surviving and Thriving: Fundamental Social Motives Provide Purpose in Life" published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin." https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0146167219883604

We'll also go over these questions:

1. Where do New Year's resolutions come from? Why start something Jan 1 vs. any other random day?

2. Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss the most common New Year's resolution: weight loss

What do the Dr's think about the work of Dr. John Sarno in curing chronic back pain using education of how the mind works as treatment? According to Dr. Sarno childhood abuse can lead to rage in the unconscious mind and brain triggers TMS or chronic pain to repress this internal rage and there have been hundreds of people who have cured their back ache after reading his book, Healing Back Pain

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Today's questions are:

1. I’ve been married to a 90% disagreeable man for 42 years. Many times I’ve packed my bags but never followed through. I dream of being on my own, doing the little things in life without being questioned. As he has gotten older his drinking has become a problem. Every year finds me more depressed. How to know when to go?

2.why do men flirt? I am falling for a guy who is a huge flirt. I see him flirting with me and with other women, and he has a long distance, long term girlfriend who he is faithful to. Why does he flirt so much? Why am I falling for him even though I know he doesn't mean anything serious by flirting?

3. How do you deal with toxic and controlling parents who like to believe that they are doing RIGHT by continuing to control your life well into your adulthood ? Is it normal to feel that you have a hate relationship with your mother because of lack of support and love to you? As a daughter it feels awful to feel it this way but I can’t get over the fact that having a distant and uncaring mother has driven me into agreeing to marry a person who is totally different to me in personality. Even to this date my mother still emotionally blackmails me to not get a divorce by using her health as a reason. You can divorce your spouse but how can you ever divorce your mother and get over it without feeling the guilt?

4. A friend of mine is having some troubles getting in touch with his friends regularly. He always thinks, if I (or anyone else) doesn't contact him first, I don't like him anymore. It seems to me like he is suffering from some kind of inferiority complex in that sense. How do you explain such a behavior in an evolutionary sense or to broaden my question, why do people suffer from inferiority complexes and how can they try to overcome such feelings?

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Today's questions:

1. Is it true that there are parts of the mind that we don't have access to, like a "subconscious?" Put another way, is there any information in our mind that we cannot reach down and consider with our conscious thinking? Some neuroscientists talk about thoughts as if they are served up to our awareness. But it seems like we can "direct" our thoughts. But can we "access" all the information and ideas that are in the darker corners of our brain's file cabinets?

2. You mentioned in episode 2 that people can also get depressed about their personal survival, like in the case of discovering they have cancer, but you didn't elaborate on what purpose that might serve evolutionarily. People in the Stone age wouldn't have known they had terminal cancer, but they might have a good sense that a disease or wound was almost certainly going to fester and kill them... What are the genes telling this person to do and why? As a follow up, once a person can accept their impending death with certainty, should the depressive feelings decrease or end? Do people who embrace their mortality find relief and the ability to enjoy their remaining time relatively stress-free?

3. Why do human brains take so long to mature to competence? Yes we are born relatively early to accommodate the size of the head, but it's not a matter of a few more months. No other animal is so helpless for so many years. Are human brains slow to mature because they are so adaptable, so they hold off on forming synapses right away? Or is it because they simply have so many neurons to wire up in more complex ways compared to other animals, it truly takes that long? If the former, what is it about human intelligence that is so much slower to wire up if it's all hard-coded by the DNA anyway, and what advantage is there in postponing the ability to walk etc for so long?

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We celebrate this milestone episode with some fun questions for Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk.

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Today's show we go over these questions:

1. If two people typically rate as 10/10 yet one is deemed more attractive on average, would that mean they're objectively better looking while being in the same tier?

Could someone who is genetically lower in conscientiousness maintain performance that would resemble a higher level in the trait?
Jimmy the guitar player calls in to the show

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In today's show, we go over the following questions:

1. I think that you are absolutely right when you say that happiness comes from esteem, earned in the right way from the people that matter. It's really beautiful to me how that works. But on the other hand, I occasionally meet women who impress me a great deal, strictly based on their DNA- i.e., above-average looks, brains, and personality. Or, as you might expect, even just well above average looks. So my question is, how can attraction be such a profound emotional experience when so much of it is purely on the basis of DNA, and nothing that has been done to earn it? And in fact people are more impressed with someone when it appears that they are not trying? Is how we feel about ourselves based on what we earn, but how we feel about others mostly just a matter of their DNA?

2. How does IQ affect relationships? Specifically, a male having a greater IQ than his female partner, at what point would this cause problems in the relationship and how?

3. I am a recently single 30 year old male, and I’ve been hitting the online dating apps once again. With my more finely tuned evolutionary lense thanks to your podcast, I’ve noticed something interestin. It seems as though most of us, while we want to put our best foot forward in order to increase our chance of success, we still can’t help but leak potentially market-limiting queues. Is it simply that we are programmed to be honest so that we don’t end up wasting our time with people who wouldn’t find these market-limiting interests appealing? Is this a simple energy conservation cost-benefit analysis?

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Today's questions:

1. Does the myelin sheath development also apply to more purely mental abilities like reading and comprehension, or the ability to imagine and come up with inventive solutions to a problem? For example, how much can learning and practice be helpful in growing infants and children? Will a baby that is spoken to for 5 hours a day learn to speak significantly faster than one exposed to only an hour of language a day? Or are parents kidding themselves when they spend so much effort to give their child an edge in cognitive development?

2. I'm a private person: I cringe when people air their dirty laundry or have what to me are very private conversations in the facebook comment section. I don't signal affiliation or loyalty the way most people do, and tend to minimize advertising even when it would be seemingly beneficial: I recall declining someone wanting to write an article about me back in high school because "it's nobody's business". I realize I'll always be like this, but the way you and Geoffrey Miller talk about advertising opened it a new perspective. Do you think I'm missing out, and if so, how could I improve where it matters?

3. How do scientists go about measuring genes? How do they identify and associate them with human behavior? Is this something they can see with Petri dishes and a microscope? What would a behavioral scientists day look like?

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In today's show, the Drs answer the following listener questions:

1.I was married to a man for 3 years who was a recovering drug and alcohol addict. In any case, we have recently divorced. There is another man who I have known for about 20 years. We have recently reconnected and are exploring the beginnings of a relationship.I am noticing a heavy drinking behavior in the man in the new relationship. Its hard to tell because right now we are long distance and only see each other on weekends. So am I attracted to addicts?

2. I often hear the term "control" thrown around in pop psychology and fiction. It often turns up in dialogue like one person asking why the other did something stupid or self-destructive and the answer being "I just really needed to feel in control, just for a minute". Or there is the notion that people will calm down when given (the illusion of) control.

3. I'm male, early twenties, been on a whole plant food diet for about 1,5 years. Arguments I can handle (I'm pretty disagreeable), but my family has been emotionally blackmailing me, having what amount to interventions with my mother crying, them saying I'm wasting away and will one day find myself in an ambulance. I'm 5'9 about 132 pounds. I lost about 20 pounds early on and have not lost any more for over a year. I have always had low muscle mass, even when working out -I've come to think I'm just naturally low on that bell curve. But for a year I've finally been able to do proper push-ups, pulls-ups and the like and generally feel fine. I feel distanced from my family and have come to dread spending time with them. What can I do?

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On today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk will answer the following questions:

1. Imagine a 20-year-old male. Every day, he plays video games, eats Twinkies, drinks Mountain Dew, binge watches Netflix, mindlessly scrolls through Social Media, and watches . What are the long-term and short-term effects of all this supernormal stimuli?

2.I feel like I’m stuck in a diet mindset where my internal audience won’t recognize any of my efforts unless I’m 100% compliant all of the time. Considering all the crap other people eat, I feel like I should be able to have one meal a week that’s not 100% wfpb and still be fine and not feel all this guilt?

3. I understand your view on how to handle questions about "why do eat that way" etc however i am wondering about what to say when people say things like "Oh i really need to do something about my weight so i have just started eating low carb high fat". Or " i have diabetes so i can't eat pasta or potatoes." Lately my respone has been to smile and say nothing however i am left feeling frustrated that there is so much that i could contribute to the conversation but i just hold back. What is the best approach when people say or do things that either simple wrong or not the best solution, particularily when you care about the person and want to be helpful?

4. I am impressed with the data behind a whole foods plant based diet but felt this wasn't something I could stick with long term. I've read in the pleasure trap strategies for telling others to buzz off, but still didn't like the social implications of being a young male vegan. Long term concerns for being on this diet? Would you recommend it for anyone?

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In today's show we discuss the Evolutionary psychology of individual, group, and self punishment and revenge. How does this factor in to Hamilton's rule?

Listener questions:

1. Why do people seek revenge and compensation pain from a person who has angered them even if they lose as well? Why do people take an approach of 'I will hurt you back even if it means I get hurt as well' when they are in rage?

2. Are there evolutionary reasons for sending signals to the others by physically harming oneself?

Kind of a weird question but why is it so hard to convey to guys/male partners that they should simply put down the toilet seat after they are done peeing? I find this conversation extremely unnecessary and childish however it seems to me that there is something deeper behind (evolutionary) otherwise it doesn’t make sense to me to make such a big fuss about it. I know it sounds dumb but thanks for answering!

4. What is it about human social psychology that make Stone age tribes or "villages" tend to Max out around 50 or 150 people or so? Was it that nothing could invite more people than that under any common purpose?.

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In this episode, we have an on-air session with a listener whose new boss micromanages everything he does.

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In today's show we have the following questions:

What are Dr. Lisle's thoughts on group therapy? What is the purpose if there is one and how would he apply evolutionary principles and esteem dynamics to group therapy?

2. My MIL treats her 4 granddaughters quite differently. I am a disagreeable person who really values fairness. It’s hard not to comment or approach her when she treats them so different. Let’s not even begin to get into how many more clothes and toys (resources overall) she gets for her daughter’s girls. Is there a way for her to look at my daughter differently and allocate resources fairly?

3. Recently you described the Enlightenment Trap, which interested me greatly and I wondered if you believed there was some degree to which meditation practice was a means of beating the genetic disposition for egoistic drives for status enhancement. Robert Wright certainly seems to think so. I recognise that there are apparently many examples of pseudo- meditators displaying their practice conspicuously as a status / virtue-signalling attempt, but do you believe there are some devotees who genuinely manage to reduce egoistic drives?

4. I am a professional woman in my middle years and want to be less critical of people and other things.

5.

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We go over the following questions:

1. What is impostor syndrome? Can you change the perception of feeling like a fraud?

A dad's son climbs on a roof to look at his neighbor's nude sunbathing. Dad handles it, but mom is furious and thinks this is huge issue warranting psychiatric medications.

3. A listener's boyfriend ended up at a stripclub with coworkers. He denies he got a lapdance even though everyone else got one. Listener wants to know if she is the one insecure and if a more confident woman wouldn't mind this happening. And also if this is 'normal behavior' for men and so she should expect it from any future partners.

Does having more wealth increase the trait of openness?
What does the future hold for humans capable or not capable of thriving in the modern environment in the face of so many traps?

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The questions for tonight's show are as follows:

1. I was wondering how Dr Lisle reconciled two seemingly opposing thoughts I've heard on separate episodes. 1. CBT is an effective therapy to mitigate cognitive distortions and 2. The human brain/nervous system does an immaculate job of evaluating its effectiveness and status within a group. If our brains do such an amazing job of evaluating feedback from the group, why are cognitive distortions so common?

2.I've often felt anger when someone seems to misunderstand something, perhaps honestly and perhaps disingenuously in something that is approaching an argument. The feeling often keeps me from explaining exactly what I mean because I expect that the exact points of the disagreement are disingenuous so it won't matter and I will only regret justifying myself and "opening up". You've often mentioned that that communication in relationships isn't faulty the way most psychologist say, but you've also talked about getting crystal clear. So should I beat my genes and get crystal clear, or is the inference that it won't change a thing correct?

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We welcome to the podcast our newest guest, Dr. Jen Howk. We'll find out about who she is, how she got interested in Evolutionary Psychology, the work she has done, and her thoughts on a few select topics.

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In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk, discuss the following questions:

My niece and I have been debating whether it’s safe for attractive young solo female travelers to couch surf. She believes that a careful reading of a host’s couch surfing profile enables her to spot would-be predators. What are your thoughts on this Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk?

2. Can you talk about what resilience is with regard to personality/the big 5? Do you think that it is possible to help people develop resilience or grit?

3. I dated a guy for about 5 years who would never commit and cheated on me several times, though I did not learn of his indiscretions until after the relationship ended. I recently found out that he married one of the women who he cheated on me with after dating her for only a brief time. After our split was all said and done I definitely felt like I came out it with the better end of the deal, and I’m now in a relationship that has major magic 10% potential; so my question is: why am I so irritated about my loser ex’s quickie marriage?

4. I contracted Herpes from a long term boyfriend who was cheating on me about 10 years ago. I find it so difficult to share this information with a new person. I am 50 years old and reasonably attractive but haven’t been dating from shame regarding this condition. You’re straight talk suggestions are so helpful on this podcast, I’m wondering if you can advise me on how to best frame this situation for myself, my status, and potential mates.

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Questions for tonight's show are:

Why am I so stagnant? Despite doing poorly in practically all the dimensions of my life (romantic, social, pursuit) I don't take any effective action. I've done an immense amount of therapies from various modalities, worked with many therapists, including numerous other things to no avail. I stew and rage but don't do anything and I don't know why. I also like to feel like a victim so as to not feel the pressure of responsibility.

2. Your explanation of anger and guilt being mirror emotions really struck me. Do you think there is always a mirror emotion like anger and guilt? Or is it rather mostly a spectrum like your explanation of depression and boredom, when related to stress? I would be curious to hear about more on categorizing emotions.

3. I am a bit confused about when disagreeableness is seen as a negative and positive trait. You said agreeableness is a highly valued trait, and while it is clear that one would want a disagreeable lawyer, you also said that charisma basically comes down to disagreeableness, and when most people think of charismatic people, they certainly don't think of pushiness and anger. I am probably ~75th percentile disagreeable (but pretty stable) and generally try to beat my genes by hiding it, but, not contradicting people, avoiding confrontation, for example with groups of friends. Am I right to do so, or could I win more friends/esteem by being more "assertive"?

4. I'm trying to work on it, but I feel I have an issue with agreeableness. I'm too agreeable, to the point that I feel bad about myself for disappointing others, like turning down a job offer or rejecting a potential partner when it's obvious that those situations won't work out. How do I get past this, "trying to please all of the people all of the time" mentality?

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We welcome back Dr. Jen Howk for her part 2 debut on the BYG podcast. Dr. Lisle and Howk answer the following questions from listeners:

1. I would describe myself as a 9. I am pretty and fit. I am educated and have a great job. Since I have graduated college I have had an extremely difficult time with dating.

2. If I slept with someone that I like too soon and they are showing less interest in me is there a way to get their interest back? I remember one episode you mentioned looking your best was a way to do this which I am working on losing some weight. Are there any pyschological mind tactics I can practice in the mean time? If someone is actively ignoring you is it best to do the same?

3. I have a question regarding the full moon on the female psyche The Mother of my two children becomes more abusive and more unstable during a full moon. Generally she is a pretty tricky person to deal with and tripping over some petty little trap opens a gate for verbal and sometimes physical abuse. She often blames the full moon or PMS for these episodes but she is rarely a picnic in the park in between. My question is whether there is any validity in the claim that the full moon has on anyone's psychology or is it just an excuse for bad behaviour and just some new age hippy nonsense for people who are high in openness.

4. What advice would you give to a female who is being stalked?

5. Is it reasonable to suggest that modern third-wave feminism is now about confusing males about the dominance hierarchy and their own sexual selection criteria, so as to turn them into being beta males?

To find out more about Dr. Howk or to book a phone consult, visit www.JenHowk.com

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Our questions for this show are:

1. Given the profitability of prescribing pills and surgical procedures, do you believe the mainstream medical-industrial-complex will ever reach a tipping point and head in the direction of true health care? As opposed to the current system of what basically boils down to disease maintenance?

In church this week I felt very guilty. No one is specifically asking me for nutrition advice but every week we hear about and pray for members of our congregation that have everything from kidney stones to cancer and everything in between. All of these conditions would be helped by a whole food plant based diet. I don't feel comfortable saying much about my diet at church but I feel very guilty about not speaking up if information that I have could help someone who is suffering. Do you have any recommendations?

3. I am a Clinical Psychology Doctoral candidate, and I will have my first patients this Fall. I am nervous, excited, but mostly curious. What concepts and theories from EP have you found most useful in your clinical work? And what are the one or two things from EP that I can focus on to help better serve my patients?

4. Given that many core characteristics of personality are genetically determined, and that the evolutionary process of blind variation is bound to produce extremes, aren't there always bound to be some individuals in society who are likely to experience impulses to commit violent acts - with particularly horrific consequencies when gun laws allow comparatively easy access to lethal weapons?In the 'bottling up' episode you say that some people are bound to be 'shitheads' - so aren't there also always bound to be 'psychopaths' and no amount of moral education, religious observation or societal conservatism could ever eradicate the problem of mass killings?

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In this episode, we introduce Dr. Jen Howk, who recently earned her PhD from Harvard. She brings a female perspective to our male/female dynamics questions and offers her insights to our show.

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"I'll do it, but not because you told me to" is a common humorous refrain in movies & TV shows. In this show, we explore where this emotion comes from. First, by reviewing a famous study that found that kids spend less time drawing if you tell them that they’ll get a good student award for drawing a good picture, compared to if you just let them draw without telling them anything.

Then, Dr. Lisle answers the following questions:

1. With regard to the ego and pleasure traps, if you want to instill a sense of motivation, do you set goals and fundamentals that solicit a stress response as opposed to soliciting an anxious or depressive response? How do you decide on a goal or the fundamentals that can begin the process of getting you out of the ego/pleasure trap? Is it a matter of deciding what is 10% better than what you are currently doing?

2. Can parents toughen up their children, including infants, so that they don't cry as much, by pampering them less? In other words, is there evidence that you can make infants cry less or make young children less sensitive or whiny be letting them have to deal with a little discomfort rather than helping them out all the time?

3. When you talk about narcissists you usually discuss those who come across as highly disagreeable. But it seems some can be very charming. Can you explain the charming narcissist and how to spot one?

4. Why does my anxiety and feelings of regret tend to peak at night but dissipate throughout the day?

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We start this episode with a question about the Enlightenment & Ego Trap - left over from last episode. The rest of the questions are about interacting with children/kids.

1. I have a number of friends who come from difficult backgrounds – a family history of mental illness and/or abuse, poor decision-making, relative poverty and very little work experience. I’ve found that they’re generally unwilling to consider most basic employment options to alleviate their financial difficulties, figuring they are “better than” most realistic jobs and even enduring a great deal of debt to get dubious education credentials which – most anyone with a critical eye can see – are not going to simply leapfrog them into a high-paying job, especially given the lack of work history. Can the “ego trap” exist for those who don’t have much outside esteem coming in? Is it a form of deferral of failure?

2. I have a 2 yr old and another baby on the way. Being a dad is teaching me that I have to constantly fight my disagreeableness, because I am having to give more of myself to my kid and can't sustain trying to trade at 75/25 with him. My brain keeps telling me I am getting a bad deal with my kid, but I know I signed up for this and need your help beating my genes. What tactics or advice do you have for someone to at lease fake trading at less than 75/25 with a toddler?

3. Why kinds of adult things should generally be kept from kids, say 8-12 year olds? Is there any harm in letting them have unfiltered access to the internet, as long as we make sure they aren't getting into drugs or risk of pregnancy? In other words, to what age should they be kept fairly innocent, if at all, and why?

4. This listener's question is about her mother, a school teacher, who lost her cool with an unruly child and had some significant resulting guilt.

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In this show, we discuss showing weakness as a sexual strategy, then we move to a question about dominance hierarchies vs. competence hierarchy (is there a difference?). Next question is about the mixed perceptions of evolutionary psychology. Finally, Dr. Lisle then takes some time to discuss elements of the ego trap.

The questions are as follows:

1. Do you think there are situations where a man showing weakness to a woman can be positive? Can women get away with it easily, or weakness also a signal of sexual interest when it comes to them?

2.Some people seem to be so driven to compete and rise to the top, however their internal audience is constantly asking them, “are you sure you’re not being too dominant? Is this step up worth it?”, either directly or indirectly in the form of general stress. Emotional stability seems to be a huge component in how this plays out on an individual basis. I’d be curious if you think this competence/dominance inner battle is part of what plays into the pleasure trap.

3.I want to spread the truth of evolutionary psychology but I also don't want to hurt my mating chances by getting labeled a reject. Should I keep my evolutionary thoughts a secret and only explain it in easy to digest chic talk or should I spread these ideas with testicular fortitude?

4.I am wondering about how the ego trap might apply to people who have not been given reason for high expectations. In a sense, whether there is some interaction between the ego trap and the Dunning-Kruger effect of lower-capacity individuals being less likely to recognize their own limitations. Can the “ego trap” exist for those who don’t have much outside esteem coming in? Is it a form of deferral of failure?

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Dr. Lisle goes in depth about why nature has selected for subjective experiences.

The question is as follows:

What is your take on why a subjective experience would have been selected for, as opposed to animals simply being like machines with no subjective experience inside? More importantly, what is your take on how a subjective experience can possibly be created in the mind? How could neurons firing create a personal experience?

Next, he tackles this broad few questions:

Why were we given the intellectual capacity to overshoot our evolutionary advantage and create inventions that cause our demise?

Why would our minds become so advanced to create a world where we live with and around multiple pleasure traps daily, where even the strictest, most conscientious of us will fall prey to decision fatigue and give in to a few of these traps, thus affecting our happiness? Why do they have the capacity to do this? It seems as though we would have been happier animals as a species with a little less intellect.

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Questions tonight are as follows:

Can you please talk about the relationship between money and self-esteem and how to learn to enjoy the money one makes?

If women in one's social circles, acquaintances, friends, etc. seem receptive to casual mating, should we go for it without much worry, or is it bound to lead to future problems with them and the group?

Why does it appear that people make so much up? (at least on TV when asked questions)

Am I the oddball for feeling that when you've known someone for a long time, that means something? Is it because I'm low in openness and introverted?

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A recent study published in the Journal of Personality & Social Psychology* attempts to tackle understanding the stress of decision making. Nate G goes over the article and Dr. Lisle offers his take. Can the stress of decision making be explained solely by the personality trait conscientiousness? Dr. Lisle and Nate discuss.

The next topic stems from a listener's question: "Can we choose who we want the most esteem from? Is there a way I can care less about the esteem from some people? It is sometimes exhausting to try to please everyone."

*PDF of the JPSP article : http://blogs.cuit.columbia.edu/mayarossignacmilon/files/2018/08/Chen.Rossignac-Milon.Higgins.JPSP_.2018.pdf

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In this episode, we review a new study in the science of happiness. The first, by Bruce Headey called, Happiness and Longevity: Unhappy People Die Young, Otherwise Happiness Probably Makes No Difference, explains what effect happiness has on our longetivity.

The first listener question is from a young man whose short love life has allowed him to feel the moods of happiness while in a relationship. Since the most recent breakup, he feels as though he has low self-esteem and is curious about whether this low self-esteem is due to his need to seek validation from others.

The next question is about evolutionary mismatch and whether happiness may come from correcting as many evolutionary mismatches as possible.

To finish out the show, we have a live caller asking about how to fine tune his diet & lifestyle and get over the proverbial "hump" after losing some motivation.

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We start the show with a question about whether a higher extroversion individual would act more introverted due to status loss. Then, we move on to a question about why & what to do when getting ignored or constantly interrupted in an academic setting.

Then we move on to a quesiton about whether we have natural, genetic discipline and ambition. Dr. Lisle shares his opinion about a recent book, Blueprint by Robert Plomin.

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Ben Franklin effect, Burying feelings, Bottling up emotions, Internet trolls

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Does casual mating doom pair bond chances? Evo psych & spiritual experience, sibling rivalry

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Being cheap, Loaning money, Alcoholic husband, Influencing others

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On-air session with a lady who has questions about how to spot casual mating

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Advice for an indecisive man, Advice for a teacher, Delusional friends

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Is knitting a sexual display? Is sexual inexperience a turn off?

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Finding a dream job, Drama at work, Helping parents find happiness

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Why do suckers get suckered into things, Are emotions contagious?

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Epigenetics, Stress and health, ego-centric bias while dating

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Where does guilt come from?

Why do some people have 'body issues'?

What's the difference between empathy & compassion? Specifically, in the context of a sociopath?

Is there a link between highly-open people & reduced genetic preference?

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Dating down vs. up

Do we embarrass to assess mate value?

What to do if alcohol becomes the preferred social lubricant?

Do pair-bonded agreeable people feel happy together?

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What if your kid doesn't want to go to college?

Is there an anti-10 paid dates culture?

Why are things "manly"?

How to tell if a potential employee is agreeable & conscientious?

Why does family discourage physical fitness vs. career success?

and more!

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Expectations vs performance, politics questions, business partner conflict

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The second part of a 2-part show explaining the ego trap. In this episode, we take questions from listeners about their own ego trap.

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Explaining the Ego Trap 1 of 2

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Special Episode - Broadcasting on Facebook Live

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Internal audience, public speaking, Hot/cold lovers,Getting over a breakup

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Are women harder on themselves, Stuttering, Marriage problems, Is there a limit to esteem

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Free time, Pseudo esteem

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Keeping attention in class, When authority is altruistic, autism, war

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Dilated eyes, Friendships, Romantic excitement, Live caller

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Female ambition psychology, Messy roommate, roots of privacy

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Falling out of love, Cultural shifts, Faced w food temptations

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Anger in relationships, Falling in love w a monk, Food cravings

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10 paid dates from a man's perspective, Open-loops from casual flings

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How to deal with a micro-managing boss - an on-air session

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Shy vs bold men, Getting away from a narcissist, Is there a utopia?

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Forgiving and letting go, Lonely older single women, Shy vs bold men

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Effects of long-term marijuana, Spousal abuse, can severe OCD be beaten?

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Binging on broccoli, Do we want what we can't have? Live caller

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Eating healthy while socializing, during the holidays, live caller

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Gaining your edge in life (replay during the holiday)

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Restriction leads to binges? Healthy mom wants her family to eat healthy. 2 callers:

Girlfriend has a question about her boyfriend.

Parent asks about child's grades and about genetic determinism.

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Why do boys pick on girls, giving gifts, people you dislike

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Facial cues, Guess the personality, non-food potential pleasure traps

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Anorexia, Paternity testing, Selecting for pair bonds on a dating profile

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Radical Honesty, Genes vs Environment, Reconnecting w an old friend

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Why do many older people complain of younger people "ruining" the world. Is this contempt built into us as we age?
Evo Psych makes sense, but how should a therapist apply this knowledge to a client/patient?
If I'm born a disagreeable jerk, can I beat my genes in a simliar way that a person with genes for heart disease/cancer can beat their genes?

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The Psychology of Humor (replay)

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Why we feel unhappy sometimes, What is the meaning of life, What is intuition?

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In today's episode, Amy calls into the show because she feels depressed. Dr. Lisle talks to her during an on-air session as they try to figure out the source of her mysterious depression and what to do about it.

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Does bad weather trigger feelings of nostalgia which in turn results in more feelings of optimism and higher self-esteem?

A listener is stuck trying to study for the MCAT but caught in the ego trap.

Dr. Lisle's "seem strategy" works to get others to stop challenging us about our healthy diet but what can we do if we want to show off our knowledge?

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Empathy, Brains vs. Beauty:Trade-off? Male confused on a date

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Being productive, Escaping the ego trap

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Health questions. What to say when friend asks if she's overweight? Are there cultural shifts?

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Internal audience judgment, anorexia, why do people interrupt each other?

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Cheapskates, Hoarders, Energy vampires, Marriage trouble

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We review some Romantic Gestures that are MAJOR Red Flags in dating.

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Do men judge more than looks, keeping peace in the family, pop psychology

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Today on the podcast a few questions from listeners will include a questions from a man trying to understand why Dr. Lisle recommends that women delay sex a bit. Another question asks whether women get more confident as they get older despite aging and perhaps feeling less attractive. And finally, an older listener has a crush on a much younger man in her life, what will Dr. Lisle say?

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Committing to goals, displaying confidence, soulmates, why do guys push sex?

1. I'm 42 overweight would like to be married and would still like to have kids though I'm running out of time. I know exactly what I need to do to lose weight so I can feel better about myself and attract a mate but I just won't commit to doing it. Why? Are these things actually not important to me even though I think they are?

2. Setting New Year's resolutions seems to be a universal phenomenon. Is there an evolutionary basis for this (i.e. periodically reflecting on your recent history and determining what to improve)?

3. I'm quite shy, trip over my tongue in social situations, blush easily, and my eyes often automatically dart away when they meet the eyes of others. All of these feel really self-defeating in the modern world. Do all of these have the same source and can I improve, with practice or otherwise?

4. Is it common for a reasonably smart independent woman to stay in an unloving marriage of over 30 years ? Is being provided for enough of a trade off for lack of mutual respect , fun and great physical relationship too or ARE SOULMATES JUST A FANTASY? THE QUESTION....... If a woman decides to stay in that unloving relationship , what are some ways to stay out of the pleasure trap??

Register for Pleasure Trap Webinar with Dr. Doug Lisle and Dr. Alan Goldhamer

https://events.genndi.com/register/169105139238437069/db40db1837

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Stress in the modern world vs. stone-age

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Placebo effect, Stockholm syndrome, Listener's son having mental breakdown

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Aren't humans omnivores? The evo psych of human diet.

Stanford Experiment, Placebo effect, Stockholm syndrome.

Stanford Prison Experiment:

"

The Lifespan of a Lie"

https://medium.com/s/trustissues/the-lifespan-of-a-lie-d869212b1f62

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A very unique dating question from a listener who has gotten healthier.

Under what circumstances does Dr. Lisle turn disagreeable?

Flooding the Circuits - tips, tricks, technique

Managing anger & passion

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Dr. Lisle discusses a novel approach to cravings.

Are we prone to dislike certain people with personality traits opposite from ours?

Do we select friends subconsciously based on status like we do with mates?

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How does our personality change? With circumstance? With age?

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Hamilton's Rule, Altruism, Kin selection

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Q1: What makes certain people do more for others than they would for themselves?

Q2: What's the scoop on altruism?

Q3: What's wrong with socialism?

Q4: Why do internet trolls say mean/harsh thing online?

One caller has a question about her special needs son.

Second caller has a question about identity politics in 2018.

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An instagram model recently stopped shaving her armpits and wearing makeup as a sort of protest against the "societal programming" of beauty standards. What does Dr. Lisle think about this?

What's the Doug Download on Prostitution?

Is emotional intelligence a thing?

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Depression, Psychedelics

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Evo Psych in academia, advertising, music, and leadership

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Caller questions are about "Fear of commitment, Evo Psych in academia, advertising, and why do we love music?

Live caller asks about video game addiction in young men.

Another live caller asks about his pinball teammates' differing views on children.

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Questions today:

1) Listener has a friend who is an alcoholic. What can be done as a friend?

2) Why can some people drink heavily and not become addicted to alcohol?

3) Is it worth being an evolutionary psychologist in academia?

4) How does advertising & media influence people?

5) Why do people love music?

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Evolution of language, Emotional first-aid, helping a friend

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Questions for this show are:

Strategies for "healing" from an abusive relationship. Do spouses that escape a narcissist spouse need therapy and support on codependency?

2. Are children’s attachment styles bogus in predicting their personalities? Also, what’s the earliest age at which you can see a person’s personality characteristics?

3.What advice would you give to a parent who’s lost a child (say 18 years old) under tragic circumstances, such as suicide? Are there any useful techniques or ways of thinking to really help ease the pain of such a profound biological loss?

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Questions for tonight are as follows:

A listener's husband spends money on certain displays but not others - what does it mean?

How does a 10-year married couple navigate being swingers when one of them no longer wants to do it?

Why do some men feel guilty or nervous about Valentine's Day?

Why do romantic partners act surprised when their spouse/partner leaves despite threatening to do so for a long time?

Why does it feel so devastating when a spouse cheats?

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Questions today are about:

Influencing children - how does punishment work?

Advice to psychology students who want to learn evo psych in a school that teaches conventional psychology

Phobias like snakes, heights, etc.. are briefly explored

Brief question regarding Big Five personality and how/if those traits can change as we age and gain status.

Sharing evolutionary psychology knowledge in social settings.

Getting cynical from evolutionary psychology - accepting the tragic view of existence.

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Listener questions today are:

1. Pediatrician has overweight child patients that get picked on at school. Asking for advice on what to tell them.

Job satisfaction - should people select their job based on their own IQ, conscientiousness, and stability?

3. Stay-at-home mom has finished raising her kids and now wants to do something that makes her feel productive. Her family, on the gravy train because of all that she does for them is giving her push back. She's a little stuck between starting personal projects & disrupting the family balance.

We have two callers: Alan - who asks about Dr. Lisle's thought process for diagnosing a problem. And the next caller, Rob, asking about how humans react differently to significant events vs. everyday events that are similar.

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Dreams, Meditation, Listener calls in about a childhood question

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A news article sprinkles in evolutionary psychology when explaining why people are purchasing certain electronics.

We will review the alpha/beta male dynamics, discuss the typical personality traits of alpha males, and shed some light on what women should consider when dating the 'alpha' male.

We also have a listener who calls in asking for advice about a family conflict.

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Helping mom out, Closing an open-loop

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We start the show with an update from a listener who took Dr. Lisle's advice last year.

We had a caller on hold looking to discuss her open-loop - Our caller had a falling out with her family 8 years ago, then her father passed away of cancer, she has now been estranged from them for years and is looking to get clarity on the situation.

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Relationships, Time in Womb, Free Will, Evo Psych of Bad Teeth

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Neoteny, Why do women stay w men who don't love them, Asexuality

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Getting Personal with Dr. Doug Lisle

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Socializing as an Introvert, Finding happiness triggers, Kid is flunking, Appeal to nature fallacy

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Evolutionary psychology in 2018

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97: On-air session - Daughter is having health problems, what do we do?

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10 paid dates-what now?, Parenting with societal expectations, the future of races

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OCD, Jealousy, Over-working, and advice for a naturopath

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Continuing on with the questions from last week's show.

Is orthorexia real? Does it apply to an actually health-promoting diet & lifestyle?
Dating while on a diet: How to bring it up without scaring your date away

7. Painful memories: Why do they replay? Why do they come up?

Do women naturally attempt to dominate men in long term relationships?
Jealousy

10. How much abuse can our bodies take from working long hours all our lives?

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Tonight's questions will be:

Follow up question for what the future will look like

2. What to consider when relocating your life: Near family, low cost of living, wild experiences, etc..

3. Sexual harassment allegations in the current news

Anxiety about transitioning to a healthy diet
Is orthorexia real? Does it apply to an actually health-promoting diet & lifestyle?
Dating while on a diet: How to bring it up without scaring your date away

7. Painful memories: Why do they replay? Why do they come up?

Do women naturally attempt to dominate men in long term relationships?
Jealousy

10. How much abuse can our bodies take from working long hours all our lives?

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What will the future look like?

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Live callers

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Saying sorry, Borderline personality, multiple personality, politics

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Ex-husband & father of my kids is a sociopath. On-air session

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Topics:

Quitting vices one by one or altogether?

Helping your SO with their vices

Why are students so stressed? Tips to deal with this.

Standing up for yourself if you're highly agreeabl

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87: Psych of Halloween costumes, talking to yourself, modern technology

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What is a middle-of-the-bell-curve person like? and more listener questions

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Is online dating worth it, qualifying for your spouse..

Article on online dating: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/30/science/for-couples-time-can-upend-the-laws-of-attraction.html

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Building a community, Getting over an ex's past, non-sexual fetishes, & more

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Ep 83

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Overcoming height/weight differences while dating

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episode 81

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On Air Session w Listener & Dr Lisle

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Overbearing parents, Does sibling birth order matter, facing death

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A google engineer wrote a memo explaining biological differences between men and women.

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Child prodigies, Cat-fishing, Being born w a deformity

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Some fun listener questions

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Helping friends/family, self-confidence vs. self-esteem

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Millenials

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Parenting styles, Millenials, Bringing back purpose

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We'll go over an interesting study, some listener emails/questions.

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Tonight's episode:

- Two recent studies

Listener emails
A very funny caller with a great question

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Dr. Lisle talks with a listener during an on-air session about life direction, identity, and finding happiness.

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1. If evolutionary psychology considers parental investment theory and the investment in kin as essential why do so many people in the West keep animals.

2. I used to get really upset when my partner watched . I have relaxed and now feel like it's not the worst thing he can do and will not end my relationship so I shouldn't get upset. What do you think?

3. Can a person's placing on the agreeability continuum be situational? I believe I am more or less disagreeable depending on the dynamics of different relationships. Is there anything a disagreeable person like me can do to Beat My Genes and become a nicer person.

4. Previously, you've mentioned the thing that matters for a woman's pair bond value is her physical attractiveness, and that the female is objectively 1 rating more attractive than the male, who comes with resources. I know a few couples where the male is significantly more attractive than the female, and in which the female has greater resources to offer than the male. This sort of pair bonding relationship should not happen according to you. What's going on here?

5. What can people do to defeat decision fatigue and overcome the allure of Netflix? I have a project that I've been slowly working on, but after work I'm too tired to work on it, and on weekends I'm so overwhelmed by decision fatigue about whether to do more pressing errands (cooking, creating a budget, shopping, etc) or devote time to my project that I end up neglecting everything.

You explained male homosexuality from an evolutionary psychology perspective, but what about female homosexuality?

7. Other than being the best renditions of our respective selves, what can one do to build up their perceived status in the village?

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Explaining enablers, dating with psychiatric disorders, and having grit

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Part 2 of Dr. Lisle's interview on Andrew Taylor's Spud Fit podcast. He disusses the Myths of Moderation along with the Ego Trap with regards to making healthy lifestyle changes.

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We'll get to know a little more about how Dr. Lisle became a psychologist and how he learned about evolutionary psychology.

This is Part 1 of a two-part interview. Stay tuned next week for part 2.

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I'll read a follow-up email with one of our listeners.

And some fun questions from our listeners this week as well. We will try to get to as many as possible.

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Our caller just got a new job and his new supervisor insists on micromanaging everything he does.

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Question we will try to get to:

1. Is the concept of self limiting beliefs the same as ego traps in evo psych? Why do these occur?

My boyfriend and I are very nice people (very agreeable). Frustrating and funny at the same time. We have a problem figuring out what we want, since our first reaction is to please other people. But because we are not alone in the world, what happens a lot is that our decisions are made by others...

We decided to try to have a baby. There is simply so much written and said on how to raise a child and even what’s best for pregnant women. I’m panicking even just by looking down this hole. Since we are both highly conscientious as well, I’m afraid of falling into “read everything, talk to everyone, worry about advice that don’t go well together and try to find the perfect solution”. Your last shows sort of comforted me. If almost everything is in the genes, then I don’t have to worry as much about bringing up a small child. So my two questions would be: Do you have any special advice for the first time parents? Do you have any sort of suggestions for dealing with relatives, friends, acquaintances for two agreeable parents like us?

How does Evo Psych examine dictators, group compliance & control, etc. through an evolutionary lens? Figures like Stalin, Hitler, Jim Jones, Chares Manson come to mind to name a few. Also, how would something like the door-in-the-face technique be explained through Ev. Psych?
In my circle of friends and family, it seems to me that those who identify as “Dog” people are skewed on the disagreeable side of the bell curve. While “Cat” people, are heavily skewed on the agreeable side of the curve. Is there any truth to this Cat/Dog person comparison, or is it a gross generalization?

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Listener questions we will try to get to for today:

1. For a successful first date, Dr. Lisle said the goal is to not get ruled out. I'm using online dating and it seems like every time that I've met a girl that meets my standards physically, we'll have a pretty good first date, but then when I try to set up another date I usually hear from them that they didn't feel a connection. Based on what you guys talk about in your podcast it leads me to believe that what they're saying is an inoffensive way of saying I wasn't physically attractive enough myself. But I remember Dr. Lisle mentioning in his advice for guys that we want to take advantage of the repeat exposure effect. How do I take advantage of this effect when I'm consistently told there's no connection from the woman after we've only gone out on one date. And as a side question, has online dating ruined the repeat exposure effect since people feel obligated to judge others for romantic potential very quickly.

Why does so much anger exist from groups like Black Lives Matter? What is the evolutionary psychology foundation for political correctness & why is it so pervasive? Why is it so difficult for people to accept political in-correctness without feeling angry or insulted? Is there a way to make someone less sensitive to political in-correctness?
What are men and women trying to signal with tattoos? What are women trying to signal by getting tattoos in non conspicuous locations, for example hidden behind the ear, or on the ankle.

4. Is the concept of self limiting beliefs the same as ego traps in evolutionary psychology? Why do these occur?

5. In his session with Olivia, Dr. Lisle alluded to the next phase dealing with disagreeable personalities, but he didn't get into the meat of it. I need the meat. Any chance you could expound?

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Marxism, Affairs, Video Games, Tattoo signaling

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What if your mate rival drives a Porsche, Succeeding at job interviews

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How different do we act when we're being watched?

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-Do men appear more desirable when seen with attractive women? What does the science say?

-Stanley Milgram's famous study demonstrated people's capacity for obedience to an authority figure in the name of the common good. Recently, Milgram's work was replicated. The results may surprise you.

-One transgender athlete has made it to the spotlight in competitive lifting. Listen to what happened.

-In honor of Darwin, we present a Darwin Award whereby someone unwittingly takes themselves out of the gene pool in an unbelievably silly manner. Runner-up award may be given to those who only injured themselves.

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57: Listener emails

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How to deal with flakes part 2

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Vicious cycles, listener questions

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Olivia is having some trouble at home so she calls in and has a session with Dr. Lisle.

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A conversation with Dr. Lisle about flakes. We take a caller with a few excellent questions.

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Listener questions, emails, and comments

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How to feel good, how to succceed at life improvement

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We will review how to assess your own personality characteristics by going over the BF-10/Ten Item PersonalityIndex survey. You can download it here: http://gosling.psy.utexas.edu/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/tipi.pdf

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49: Listener questions & comments

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What's the point of psychotherapy?

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We discuss free will, take a call from a behavioral therapist asking about the scientific validity of evolutionary psychology, and Dr. Lisle explains the flawed thinking of positive & negative reinforcement.

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Episode 46: Listener emails & questions

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Understanding willpower and change part 2. A follow up from last week.

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Willpower & Change, an evolutionary psychology take.

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Dr. Lisle shares his experiences as a forensic psychologist for the criminal justice system in Dallas, Texas. We will go inside the psychology of a criminal mind with some insights & stories.

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Listener questions, comments, and emails. Callers welcome!

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Why is academia so liberal/left-wing?

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How does sexual abuse or trauma affect us?

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Understanding procrastination.

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Lots of emails and questions from our last few shows so I'll be reading the emails on air and Dr. Lisle will be answering your questions.

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The USA Presidential Election has been unbelievable. We will be discussing the psychology of Trump, Clinton and how an evolutionary psychologist, Dr. Doug Lisle, PhD, would view this election and its many politics.

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We'll talk about dealing with grief, loss, and sadness

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This week is for women. Last week was for men.

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This week is for men. Next week is for women.

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How do we manage stress?

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We'll read & answer listener emails & questions.

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We'll talk about the psychology behind humor.

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Email any questions to BeatYourGenes@gmail.com

or call in 657-383-0751

Some of the questions we'll go over...

From listeners:

1)

Why do we see a huge discrepancy between societies empathy towards human needs until it comes to sexual satisfaction. We use tax money to fund basic needs of all kinds but if you're a sexual loser you're basically on your own in every way shape and form. Aren't outcast losers in the sexual realm more likely to become radical, rebellious, dangerous to the group? Are there any "stone age" examples of us quelling these dangers and are there any modern examples?

2)

Western men seem to be overwhelmed because they are seeing the women they want drenched in sexual attention and it is petrifying them, often at an early age. Age difference is key here because guys in middle to late teens are just starting to figure out their place in the world, but teen girls the moment they hit legal status can be launched all the way into status and they aren't often keen to hide it. Western society is at a place where hypergamy is broadcasted due to marketing patterns which have always taken advantage of sex while young men are unable to ignore their peers being rocketed into the sexual marketing realm left wondering what is really left for them?

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Evolutionary pscyhology explains grudges, sports competitions, and the rivalries that go with it.

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If you've listened to an episode and had some questions or comments, now's the show to call in and ask them.

Email me with your questions BeatYourGenes@gmail.com or call in 657-383-0751 live at 8:30pm PST.

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How do we make such great friends?

We'll answer this question by going over an article called "Why Men Are Better at Friendship Than Women"

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A humorously scientific look about what men say vs. what they mean.

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A humorously scientific look about what women say and what they really mean.

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We will discuss:

Why Do Relationships Fail?
What your partner says vs. what they mean
Comment on ways to "Hack Your Relationship"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feel free to call with your own story, question, or comment at 657-383-0751. We are live on Wednesdays at 8:30pm PST. Or email us at BeatYourGenes@gmail.com

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In this episode, we discuss a prominent psychologist's approach to relationships (called Emotional Focused Therapy) and how it relates to evolutionary psychology. We will hear a discussion between Dr. Lisle and a Marriage & Family Therapist on the differences between their approaches.

We discuss an article about the key to relationship happiness.

We go over more real life examples and questions.

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Listen in as we go over a few real examples from our listeners of relationship conflicts.

If you have a situation you'd like some help with please email us at BeatYourGenes@gmail.com or call in to the show live on Wednesdays at 8:30pm PST at 657-383-0751

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Listen in as we go over a few real examples from our listeners of relationship conflicts.

If you have a situation you'd like some help with please email us at BeatYourGenes@gmail.com or call in to the show live at 657-383-0751

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Nate G and Dr. Doug Lisle discuss common dating traps that men and women find themselves in.

We will also go over some listener comments/emails.

If you'd like some advice from Dr. Lisle, feel free to email us at BeatYourGenes@gmail.com or call in live at 657-383-0751 at 7:30pm PST on Wednesdays.

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Nate G and Dr. Doug Lisle discuss common dating traps that men and women find themselves in.

We will also go over some listener comments/emails.

If you'd like some advice from Dr. Lisle, feel free to email us at BeatYourGenes@gmail.com or call in live at 657-383-0751 at 7:30pm PST on Wednesdays.

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We discuss which type of people hooks up the most.

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Pyschologist Dr. Doug Lisle, PhD, takes a call from a man looking to learn more about human mating psychology

If any listeners would like to call and ask advice from Dr. Lisle for a show, please email BeatYourGenes@gmail.com

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Using the tips and tricks from evolutionary psychology, we talk about first dates and what they signal to our potential mates.

Dating can be confusing, frustrating, intriguing, but also fun. If we are aware of the signals we're sending, we can modify our behavior to send the right signals.

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We continue on the topic of Love, Sex, Dating, and Relationships - how to make yourself more attractive and how to outsmart your genes when needed.

Nate G talks with Dr. Doug Lisle, PhD about evolutionary psychology and how it relates to dating & relationships, common issues that come up, and how to improve yourself to attract better partners.

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We discuss real life situations to find what we need to do to find happiness. To do this, we have to sometimes go against our instincts. This is called "beating your genes". Listen as I, Nate G, your host, talks with Dr. Doug LIsle, evolutionary psychologist, about life, love, relationships, and most importantly finding happiness in the modern world.

We are live on Wednesdays at 8:30-9:30pm PST. If you have a question or comment, or maybe even a complicated situation that you'd like some advice on, feel free to call us live at 657-383-0751 or email us at BeatYourGenes@gmail.com .

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You might never become a Brad Pitt or Cindy Crawford, but that shouldn't stop you from trying. Last episode, we went over the right moves to make to make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex. This show, we'll get to all the listener comments and questions about how to make yourself more attractive.

Join Nate G and Dr. Doug Lisle in a show designed to help you find happiness and navigate the modern world with what you've got. A show where you''ll learn how to outsmart your genes to find true, lasting happiness.

We are live every Wednesday at 7:30-8:30pm PST. Callers are welcome to call in at (657) 383-0751 at that time with any questions no matter how "simple" or "basic" you think it is - We'd love to chat with you.

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You might never become a Brad Pitt or Cindy Crawford, but that shouldn't stop you from trying. In tonight's episode, we will go over the right moves to make to make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex.

Join Nate G and Dr. Doug Lisle in a show designed to help you find happiness and navigate the modren world with what you've got. A show where you''ll learn how to outsmart your genes to find true, lasting happiness.

We are live every Wednesday at 7:30-8:30pm PST. Callers are welcome to call in at (657) 383-0751 at that time with any questions no matter how "simple" or "basic" you think it is - We'd love to chat with you.

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We'll be following up from last week's episode on the same topic.

Callers welcome. We are live Wednesdays at 7:30-8:30pm PST.

If you've always wanted to talk to a psychologist about something, we are happy to take the call no matter how "simple" or "basic" you think the question is.

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This is a follow-up to last week's episode.. We will be going over more common mistakes that we all make in the mating dance that is dating.

Callers are welcome to call in this episode 657-383-0751

You can ask Dr. Lisle a question about a personal issue or just call in to comment on something

If you've ever had a dating experience where you felt you coudn't control yourself or the eventual outcome, that was your genes compelling you to behave in a certain way. This is a double-edged sword. On one hand, you can be optimizing your genes surviving but on the other hand, it may be detrimental to long-term happiness.

We have evolved to enjoy the pursuit of love & sex through dating and relationships. In this episode we discuss how we can optimize happiness in this area by beating our genes.

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If you've ever had a dating experience where you felt you coudn't control yourself or the eventual outcome, that was your genes compelling you to behave in a certain way. This is a double-edged sword. On one hand, you can be optimizing your genes surviving but on the other hand, it may be detrimental to long-term happiness.

We have evolved to enjoy the pursuit of love & sex through dating and relationships. In this episode we discuss how we can optimize happiness in this area by beating our genes.

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Ever have a pushy friend that's trying to get you to do something you don't want to?

It may seem like the only way to get them to understand "no" is to be rude or leave.

In this episode, Dr. Doug Lisle, PhD discusses how to get along without going along. For a variety of scenarios it is in our best interest to get along with our friends, family members, and co-workers. However, that does not mean that we have to just do everything they want us to.

Learn some unique tips and tricks for staying firm but remaining pleasant.

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We will be discussing personality diffferences and what role they play in different life circumstances. For example, if you ever had to hire an attorney to defend you, you would want them to be a generally argumentative person. If you had to hire an accountant, you'd want them to be very detail-oriented. Similarly, if you are a naturally passionate and highly extraverted person, sitting at a desk job in your own cubicle all day long can be miserable even if it's a great job. How can you meet these challenges while staying true to who you are?

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We discuss the biological difference between men and women, how this translates into modern society.

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Where do political views come from? As you will hear, Dr Lisle explains that political differences evolved from our basic need to optimize the survival of the stone age village. This results in a natural split of political views that essentially desire to either "share more" or "share less".

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As Dr. Lisle discusses the purpose of psychology, we begin with a discussion of thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Some philosophers believe that we can think one thing and then feel something completely different but Dr. Lisle explains these seemingly conflicting thoughts & feelings explains how this relates to stress. We continue on to discuss different models of psychology and some of the limits of learning theory. For example, do we learn our emotions during childhood?

Dr. Lisle discusses an example of a common "beat your genes" trap for women nowadays of staying with a man who's not right for her.

We continue on this topic for the remainder of the show and Dr. Lisle begins the explanation about differing mating strategies.

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Motivation and expectations are supposed to go hand-in-hand. The idea being - if you're expected to achieve a goal, your motivation kicks in to meet these expectations. In this episode, Dr. Lisle goes over a concept called The Ego Trap. Which is the trap we may find ourselves in if the expectations of our performance exceeds what we think we can reasonably accomplish. Nate G asks Dr. Lisle to describe this trap, how this process works, why it works the way it does, and how to effectively overcome it.

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What does "self-esteem" actually mean? In this episode, Dr. Lisle goes over the history of the study of self-esteem. Then he explains his own discoveries of esteem processes including self-esteem. As it turns out, nobody can give you "self-esteem". Dr. Lisle explains that self-esteem is quite literally esteem of your self, so it is how you view yourself. So, what's called "low self-esteem" or "high self-esteem" is entirely based on how you view yourself. However, this view is not easily changed, as Dr. Lisle describes a concept called the "internal audience" - a sort of social meter sitting inside your mind that views your own behavior & effort in context with expectations. When you impress your 'internal audience' through diligent effort, you feel higher self-esteem. In this episode, Dr. Lisle describes what you can do to impress your internal audience and therefore improve your self-esteem.

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In our very first episode, Nate G talks with Dr. Doug Lisle, PhD about the purpose of life, happiness vs. pleasure, and the psychological mechanisms that guide our behavior.

Dr. Lisle talks about some important findings that suggest that the purpose of life (biologically) is quite simple - to spread our own genes and ensure their survival into the next few generations. Because of this, our entire biology, physiology, and psychology is built around this goal. It's been like this for the entire history of our species and we have survived in nature due to this goal. All of a sudden, comes the modern environment of convenience and innovation in an incredibly short time frame. With this new environment comes a new set of challenges that our brains were never designed to solve. In this podcast and in future episodes, Dr. Lisle methodically describes what role the mind and, therefore, our behavior plays in our life experience and satisfaction.

Beat Your Genes Podcast: Recent Episodes

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