Love Unlimited with Hellen: Recent Episodes
Hellen
Hello and welcome to season 3 Love Unlimited with Hellen podcast.In this season we shall open up our borders and explore the vast richness, abundance and uniqueness of life . We shall dig deep to learn more about relationships in their every sense. Our guests are equipped loads of wisdom and knowledge that I am eager to delve into as I also grow.Hi!My name is Hellen, Certified Master life coach and Relationships coach. Love, life and prosperity drive my curiosity. What drives you?If you haven’t connected with me yet, please subscribe to this podcast and let’s continue this talk on Facebook, Instagram or linked in. You can learn more about me by visiting www.guruhellen.com.I look forward to interacting more with you.This podcast is sponsored by “P.O.P.S.T.A.R SEIZE YOUR CENTRE STAGE” Available in book back and kindle version.You can get your copy at www.guruhellen.com or amazon.comWELCOME
Dr. Barbara R. Grossman uses her intuition and experience developed over forty years and 70,000 hours of counseling individuals and couples. She is a master at seeing a couple and knowing the next steps needed for their successful journey together.
Dr. Michael J. Grossman is an M.D., #1 best-selling author, a fellow of the American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine, and an integrative- regenerative medicine and meditation expert. His office specializes in reversing the aging process.
Dr. Michael is the author of five books:
- The Vitality Connection: Ten Practical Ways to Optimize Health and Reverse the Aging Process
- The Magic of Stem Cells: Awakening Your Healing Power.
- Secrets to Deep and Effortless Meditation: Revealing the Treasures Within.
Together with his wife, Dr. Barbara, they have authored:
- The Marriage Map: The Road to Transforming Your Marriage from Ordeal to Adventure.
- Ageless Love: The Sexy Science of Falling in Love Forever
Michael and Barbara are competitive ballroom dancers. They have two married daughters and seven grandchildren.
For over twenty-five years, Drs. Michael and Barbara Grossman have taught thousands of couples practical skills to create a fulfilling romantic partnership. They have TV appearances on CBS, NBC, Fox, and CW. Tune in to this powerful interview to discover the secrets to having a fulfilling long-term romantic partnership with a genuine love that lasts forever through all the phases of life.
https://www.amazon.ca/Magic-Stem-Cells-Activating-Rejuvenate-ebook/dp/B01NCYKZX2/ref=sr_1_14?crid=2UHYE37XV3I9W&keywords=Dr+Michael+Grossman&qid=1661384321&sprefix=dr+michael+grossman%2Caps%2C110&sr=8-14
https://www.amazon.ca/Marriage-Map-Transforming-Ordeal-Adventure-ebook/dp/B07BHGR7CN/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2G2U1NUUKZLJ3&keywords=the+marriage+map&qid=1661384501&sprefix=the+marriage+map%2Caps%2C128&sr=8-2
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https://calendly.com/hello-1756/podcast-interviews
https://fallinginloveforever.com/
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Motherhood was an crush school for Krysta. She embraced the learning and challenges with such grace.
Today she takes us through the challenges of conception, first child and second child. she enlightens us on how she has kept her sanity while still being fully present to her children and husband.
She also sheds light on how to bond with your children while getting chores done!!
Please listen in for more:
https://www.facebook.com/Love-Unlimited-with-Hellen-105005514399167
https://www.guruhellen.com/
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
https://calendly.com/hello-1756/podcast-interviews
https://www.facebook.com/Krysta.Lee.Fanpage/posts/10158812567765998?comment_id=358268326298562&reply_comment_id=372041674877396¬if_id=1652237488728945¬if_t=comment_mention&ref=notif
https://www.amazon.ca/Mamas-Gotta-Grow-Motherhood-Lifestyles/dp/1989819141
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Happy Mothers Day!!
What an apt time to share with a multi-talented mother, actress, singer, dancer... she wears many hats and carries a big smile with it. Grace defines her life and above all she shares her story with us today.... Krysta Lee; A best selling author too!!
Today she shares some tips on how her mother had a role in shaping her life and how she does the same as a mother.
Please listen in for more.
you can get her best selling books on Amazon and everywhere they sell good books.
Here is a link to her website and books.
https://www.amazon.com/Mamas-Gotta-Grow-Motherhood-Lifestyles/dp/1989819141
https://www.amazon.com/Women-Lets-Rise-Empowering-Thrive-ebook/dp/B08G8XHXH2/ref=sr_1_1?crid=25S8X2MFW0HPL&keywords=women+lets+rise+by+krysta+lee&qid=1651782165&s=books&sprefix=women+lets+rise+by+krysta+lee%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C113&sr=1-1
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https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
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History tells us we can't "belong" unless we're the SAME. But what if we could create Togetherness based on our uniqueness instead?
Tracy shares some very enlightening insights about the power of a functional business networking community where being yourself is the most important thing.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/brandsthatspeak/
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We all face challenges in life and sometimes we need tools to help break through those internal wall. EFT is an excellent tool which anyone can use in any situation and environment.
Coach Corby makes this technic known to us in a very simple and articulate way.
Please listen in to learn more.
To reach Coach Corby click here:
https://www.radiantcoresolutions.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/corbyfurrow/
To contact me click here:
https://www.facebook.com/Love-Unlimited-with-Hellen-105005514399167
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https://www.guruhellen.com/
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In marriage business, review and evaluation is inevitable for growth and success to be realized.
The elephant in the room is that most couples would rather persevere the irritable changes in their spouses instead of facing the challenges together- head on.
What is your take on this? Do you ever sit down with your significant other and review this beautiful relationship you both started?
Please listen in for more.
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
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Its never too late to learn how to show up for pleasure.
Couples need to learn how to trigger each others' pleasure points and to ask questions pertaining to love making and pleasure. Please listen in for more.https://www.amazon.com/Rediscovering-My-Body-Tara-Galeano/dp/1736134906/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1E3RQGRDVTVSJ&keywords=rediscovering+my+body+by+tara+Galeano&qid=1647635280&sprefix=rediscovering+my+body+by+tara+galeano%2Caps%2C129&sr=8-
https://rediscoveringmybody.com
taragaleano.lpc@gmail.com
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"If it breaks replace it"
That is the current mantra when it comes relationship.
How valid is it though? How many times do we have to replace our partners before we are emotionally, financially, spiritually and socially bankrupt?
I believe that we do not need to reinvent the wheel on this one. We can fix our relationships and live a happy life. Please listen in to learn the diagnostics...
https://www.facebook.com/Love-Unlimited-with-Hellen-105005514399167
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
Do you have a passion in what you are doing and would like the world to know?
Book a podcast interview session with me here:
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"Let's talk about sex baby..." Today we are honoured to be taken on a journey about sex and rediscovering ourselves. Tara is a guru when it comes to matters sexual and self love. Are you losing your mojo? Do you feel washed up and wiped out, sexually? Here are a few tips on how to rediscover the journey to your happy times:... Listen in...
https://Tara@rediscoveringmybody.com
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https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
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Do you remember the vigor and energy you had during dating years? Do you also remember the happiness, joy and peace of mind that came with that energy? Do you still have it or did you lose somewhere between the honeymoon and the children? What is your excuse for your hibernation from life? Is it valid, REALLY VALID?? I challenge you to desire growing old fit, healthy and happy; simply because thousands of aging couples and senile couples have done it and are still doing it: MOVEMENT FOR BETTER MARRIAGES! Please listen in for more...
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What happens when you get a scary diagnosis? Who do you turn to? where do you go? There is life beyond any diagnosis: Healing is a choice, and life is also a choice.
Cyndy Lynne, a nurse and coach takes through very eye-opening and informative ways in which we can live happily beyond threatening and scaring diagnosis.
Please listen in for more:
To contact Cyndi click:
https://cyndilynne.com
To get Cyndi Lynne's free e-book on "Ready To Live Your Best Life After A Diagnosis?" https://bit.ly/3oXORB9
For more information:
https://www.guruhellen.com/
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
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"Breathe deeply, until sweet air extinguishes the burn of fear in your lungs and every breath is a beautiful refusal to become anything less than infinite. "– D. Antoinette Foy
In case of heated verbal exchanges all you need is time before responding. Breathing gives you time; to disengage and to observe your own thought processes.
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"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything." Peter Marshall.
In this life of information explosion and cultural overload, it is crucial to develop your own pillars that will act as beacons or lighthouse in times of trouble or confusion. If you have none to govern you, that means you are not rooted and you become a life's real tumble that sways with the wind. What do you stand for? what are your values? Please listen in for more...
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
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These three questions will determine your attitude while interacting with others:
What would I love to see in the world/relationship today?
How can I make it better for me and others?
Do I give expecting somethin in return or do I just give for the sake of giving?
Meditate on these questions and reflect on your attitude in life. Listen in for more...
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https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
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Backyard, the private place where we go to unwind and shut off the world. We can be vulnerable and candid here. we make our backyards look good and we enjoy quality family time here too. Why do you need a personal backyard and do you have one?
Please listen in for more....
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
https://www.facebook.com/Love-Unlimited-with-Hellen-105005514399167
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"To whom much is given, much is expected."
In order to get what most other people do not have you have to be willing to do what most other people do not .
Success in life requires effort and dedication. There are no shortcuts to success, you have to take the stairs; one step at a time. Listen in for more :
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https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
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"An attitude of gratitude elevates your altitude in life"
The main ingredient to success in life is appreciating what you already have.
My questions to you are: What is in your gratitude journal? What do you want to see in your gratitude journal and what is stopping you from putting them there?
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
https://www.facebook.com/Love-Unlimited-with-Hellen-105005514399167
Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
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The easiest way to have a focused mind, a balanced life and a more peaceful one is through meditation.
Sarah enlightens us on how to meditate, ways of meditating and mostly why.
She takes us through a 3 minute session.
Bonus: What is Reiki healing?
Sarah sheds some light on this too.
https://www.facebook.com/SarahWilloughbyAustralia
https://www.buzzsprout.com/804896/episodes/9535545-love-unlimited-ep87-infertility-self-love-and-self-treatment-with-sarah-willoughby
https://www.sarahwilloughby.com.au/?fbclid=IwAR1Mfg4S55UE-2EApdBCCUXcAbP9kGYzLUjbOqyo4bhPwWKQM06T7g9XQfI
https://drjoedispenza.com
https://www.deepakchopra.com
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https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
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Sarah Willoughby, Transformation Coach, Author & Energy Healer helps people live more fulfilling and peaceful lives. She takes us through her own infertility journey, the pain and stress that caused her life and health, and finally her journey towards self love, self acceptance and healing.
She has dedicated her life to help others going through similar conditions, teaching them how to love themselves and how to heal themselves. Please listen to this eye-opening session.
https://www.sarahwilloughby.com.au/?fbclid=IwAR1XbSZkyJyaxIqLVQmPkXxvPwSc86R5bxFJJ_F4PM5zvWVxOdfRUhIuqJY
https://www.facebook.com/sarah.willoughby.923
Get her book on:
https://www.amazon.ca/bLU-Talks-Business-Life-Universe/dp/0986792195
This podcast is sponsored by:
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
Connect with me here:
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Has your life turned out to be this monotonous, boring, same ol' stuff and downright depressing?
Leanne Blaney, Adventure Coach, Author and Podcast Host takes us through a few nuggets on how to turn that round into a life full of zest.
https://www.leanneblaney.com/
https://www.leanneblaney.com/news
https://www.facebook.com/Love-Unlimited-with-Hellen-105005514399167
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
Support the show (https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/804896.rss)
Success is your birthright: But you must want it... so badly that you cannot be at peace within you until you realize it.
What are your desired goals? How are you planning to pursue them? When do you see yourself achieving them? Please listen in for more....
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
https://www.facebook.com/Love-Unlimited-with-Hellen-105005514399167
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Did you Know that sometimes abused individuals end up abusing, or seek abusive relationships subconsciously?
Monicah highlights how trauma can affect how you respond to grief and how it manifests itself in relationships.
https://www.instagram.com/peacefull.head/
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https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
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Whether we are aware or not, we grieve and we suffer trauma.
How do we identify these tow thieves of peace and how do we bring closure to their torture?
Monica Solomon, A certified Grief recovery specialist, and Clinical Psychologist opens our eyes to what grief is, having gone through it herself, and how to deal with it. This is our first of two sessions with her.
https://www.instagram.com/peacefull.head/
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Actress, singer, entrepreneur, wife and mother.
Lauretta Nkwocha shares her love for acting, music, New York and how her love took her half around the world. How she overcame challenges in her life and how motherhood has transformed her. Love drives her all the way.
Her Mantra: "Face the fear, but do it anyway".
https://radiohydrogen.com/podcast/living-out-loud-with-lauretta-the-visual-podcast-our-essence-is-our-key-stephanie-none-dunivan/
https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/living-out-loud-with-lauretta/id1529634943
https://healthatthehelm.com
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https://www.facebook.com/Love-Unlimited-with-Hellen-105005514399167
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/popstar-seize-your-lifes-center-stage
Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
Support the show (https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/804896.rss)
LIVE FROM YOUR HEART AND MIND
Do what you love and you will never work for a day.
From escaping bombs, to overcoming PTSD, to writing a bestseller book, and coaching businesses from the heart, Catherine is among the prominent thought leaders of the 21st century.
Catherine B Roy is an international keynote speaker, author, business coach and a Tedex speaker, a wife and a loving mother.
She shares her life story and how she survived bombs in Serbia, survived a life threatening illness, and her calling to share love to the world. Listen in for more.
https://www.amazon.ca/Live-Your-Heart-Mind-Simplicity/dp/1687644802
https://www.linkedin.com/in/catherinebroy
https://www.instagram.com/catherinebroy/?hl=en
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGc_GZFCHvk
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Serbian delicacy link courtesy of Cathrine B Roy:
https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespruceeats.com%2Fserbian-stuffed-cabbage-recipe-sarma-1136569%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR0lBq_Muvk7EbfXnfmy80iL7wPNJhK8EZ2roqSUOghesGRcKlG2p_eCBtU&h=AT1GP43_wnOumk56sdtkcPo304gtEQ7auE2ON5lSmK4lN2tBrONn5nwJymVfnefDJuHMQmhpPCBXv_qr2TBqPISmsBkk6Yud2Fr2ZgSQ-7_ki8QlOCAxIy1Xkj9rskAppMDcvg
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"Facts tell; Emotions sell..... clients learn to trust you and say "I want that!"Zandra Bell
In her role as a creative marketing innovator and promotional word wizard, Zandra helps entrepreneurs communicate their solution in a unique, compelling way that distinguishes them from the crowd and improves their client attraction and engagement.
Words, when used correctly, can ellicit the emotional connection you seek from your customers, clients, friends or even public in general. Zandra gives us nuggets as to how this works.
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There are times in life when demands are too many and there's only one of you. How do you balance all these demands while still maintaining your sanity? listen to learn how Jocelyne Lanovaz does it.
https://www.guruhellen.com/
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/takes-two-to-tango-how-to-enjoy-lifelong-marriage
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https://www.linkedin.com/in/hellen-juma-70b40358/
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Getting Pepped!
It means living with purpose, profitability, vitality and fun while taking care of your mental health.
Find out more as Jo Hassan takes us on her life's journey and how mental health became her passion and drive.
Jo Hassan is a resilience expert. Her obsession is vitality: helping people have more
vitality in their work and lives. She has been speaking and coaching for 25 years.
Jo is passionate that people experience balance via PEPP ® . PEPP ® means Purpose,
Energy, Pleasure and Profit. She wants fun to be part of the daily formula for
success: people take time away from work to return with renewed enthusiasm,
vibrancy and vitality.
Jo is an Amazon bestselling author (“Full Circle – Building Resilience in Business
and Life from the Jagged Edges of PTSD”) and a Community Ambassador for RU
OK? Day.
https://johassan.com.au/pepp-express/
You can connect with Jo On:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/johassan/
https://www.facebook.com/JoHassanVitalityExpert
Full Circle can be bought at:
https://www.amazon.ca/Full-Circle-Building-Resilience-Business/dp/064821690X
Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
Support the show (https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/804896.rss)
Are you looking to strengthen your Emotional Intelligence? Do you need to develop self awareness, or self regulation? How is your empathy?
Our first podcast in Season III takes us on a journey to mindfulness. My guest has over 30 years of practising mindfulness and teaches it too.
At the end of this session I am convinced your life will not be the same again.
Chad Meng Tan said, "Google can give you all the answers in the world but it cannot give you the answers to who you are. To know yourself, you must search inside yourself," .
No head podcast link: https://soundcloud.com/user-305297593
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How do you express your displeasure to your spouse? In lamentations? In fierce confrontation or in cold way? There is a better way and here is how...
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/takes-two-to-tango-how-to-enjoy-lifelong-marriage
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https://www.linkedin.com/in/hellen-juma-70b40358/
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Like any well oiled machine, love and other fuels and lubricants are necessary for marriage to thrive. Do you have these lubricants in your marriage vehicle?
https://www.linkedin.com/in/hellen-juma-70b40358/
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/takes-two-to-tango-how-to-enjoy-lifelong-marriage
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Not all happy-go-lucky couples are necessarily happy. Not all married couples experience bliss. Not every smiling spouse is happy, and not every marriage is thriving. Depression is rampant in marriages today more than ever before, yet, and we do not seem to notice it.
How do we know if we , our spouses or our friends are depressed?
Please listen in.
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/takes-two-to-tango-how-to-enjoy-lifelong-marriage
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Nothing. Your spouse owes you nothing. Your relationship is not that of a debtor and creditor. It is a partnership, a symbiotic relationship where give and take has a different meaning. How is it different, you ask? listen in...
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/takes-two-to-tango-how-to-enjoy-lifelong-marriage
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https://www.linkedin.com/in/hellen-juma-70b40358/
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How often have you felt you want to get away from the hustles in your marriage? Do children, bills and spouse chatter drive you up the wall? Do you look for excuse's to delay going home or to sleep early? These are signs that you are starved of self focus and care. you need some "me time". Listen in to learn more...
https://www.facebook.com/Love-Unlimited-with-Hellen-105005514399167/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/hellen-juma-70b40358/
https://www.guruhellen.com/books/takes-two-to-tango-how-to-enjoy-lifelong-marriage
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Betrayed or let down; which one is the more common reason for complains and squabbles?
How often do you feel betrayed by your spouse? Or is it that your spouse fell short of your expectations? What is the difference anyway?
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https://www.guruhellen.com/books/takes-two-to-tango-how-to-enjoy-lifelong-marriage
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Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
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Emotional abuse in rampant in marriages today. It is one of the reasons why marriages fail. Therefore to prevent going down that rabbit hole of divorces it is important to know the red lights of abuse in marriage. Here are some of them...
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Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
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Mature couples talk about everything that affects their lives, sex included. When is the ideal time to talk about the things affecting your sexual life? Anytime? Anywhere? or is there a special time and place for that?
Listen in...
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How many times do you think you know what your spouse is saying?
How many times do you zone out of a conversation you are sharing and feel embarrassed when discovered that your were not listening?
How do you learn to listen and communicate effectively with your spouse? Listen in...
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Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
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Happy Valentines Day!!
Are you going to do the same old, same old stuff for Valentine's Day celebration this year?
Are you interested in getting your creativity juices going to make your marriage more interesting, more adventurous? Please listen in...
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Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
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After getting married we often take our spouses for granted and life happens to them and change them inside.
How often do you check in on your spouse to see if all is well?
Do you ever do an emotional stock taking?
How have you changed as an individual and is your spouse aware of these changes?
Listen in for more questions to ponder on...
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Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
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Resolutions, budgets, goals and plans are landmarks for every new year. How many of us include their relationship plans in the planning and commitment stage of the year?
Here are a few tips on how to invest in your relationship without using monetary stimulants...
Listen in..
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Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
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Some friends ask me what I talk about with my spouse and why we chat all the time. Well I will let you in on my secret; why I never get bored with my spouse. Please listen in...
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This is me just crying for the injured souls in broken marriages. Warning: Too much emotion
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How often do you take time to appreciate the good in your life?
How often do you appreciate your spouse?
It is very important to add this ingredient in your relationship. I will tell you why...
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Apart from infidelity, drug abuse, Financial Indiscipline and physical abuse, indifference is the other silent marriage killer. It creeps in as a form of defense, or revenge or maintenance of status quo. Then the ugly seed germinates into separation.
How do we know when we are approaching this culprit?
Listen in...
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Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
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Is it always doom and gloom when you fall in love with a momma's boy?
How do you turn that into your favour?
What are the telltale signs of a bad momma's boy?
How would you wish you son to be like when he grows up?
Listen in...
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What does incompatible couples mean and why do they separate?
What are the common basis for incompatibility and how do we deal with them?
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Have you ever wondered how some women thrive in business, relationships and family?
The secret sauce is prepared today by Jocelyne Lanovaz (CPA) Deputy Mayor of Manville County, AB, Former President of Manville Chamber of Commerce and multiple businesses owner.
Listen and learn.
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Communication is Key
Distinctive roles between the couple.
Find easier ways of conflict resolution
Make your priorities clear.
Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
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We learn today bout Careers, Marriage and Parenting form our Guests Darlene and Dave Fitzgerald
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How much does running a business as a couple affect your marriage relationship, your parenting roles and social stuff?
We are embarking on a journey this month to find out how these roles affect each other.
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Have you met a couple of lovers preparing for their marriage? They are often so in love and looking forward to their moving in together (If they have not already), and to start their new adventure together.
Their lives look and feel fulfilled. They are as happy as they can be and however much you try, you cannot talk any of them out of their marriage. You may try to tell them that marriage is not a smooth bed of roses, but rather a thorny rose bush, or that challenges will come their way to test their relationship, Good luck with succeeding in discouraging them.
At that moment:
· Love is all that matters
· The future between the two of is so bright that nothing can dull it
· The rest of the world is running against them, but it does not matter because they will win – together.
Then, time, life, children and environment changes everything.
They stop focusing on each other,
They stop trusting each other and instead trust the world more. They start backbiting each other and bringing each other down.
They forget the positivity they shared at the beginning of the journey.
They start calling each other names that no longer portray love, trust, respect, and partnership.
This needs to stop:
We need to speak love into our marriage. We need to speak faith, trust and prosperity in our marriage.
Just like a team: You can’t win if you are busy shooting opposite goals of bringing down your teammate.
When was the last time you told you spouse:
We got this together…
I trust in your ability…
You are awesome…
You are talented and smart,You rock my world...,I like how you step up to challenges…
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Takes Two To Tango Book
Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
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Is there too much water that has passed under your bridge and you have had enough? You divorce, separate or flee an abusive marriage, or both of you mutually agree that there is no more love to share between the two of you.
You then move on and marry another person, invest your heart, time, and love on this new relationship. Why then would you keep in touch with the previous spouse – your exe...?
Burning bridges: There are situations where it is obligatory to burn the bridges between you and your spouse. Especially if the relationship was extremely toxic
Business Partners and property co-owners: Couples who run their businesses together find it awfully hard to avoid keeping in touch with each other after breaking up and moving on
Shared responsibilities such as children: There are numerous divorces where parents are legally required to co-parent for the sake of the children (who are innocently caught between their parents’ conflicts).
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When you go to a restaurant and order a gourmet meal... you expect the restaurant to serve the same quality consistently... at least. Relationships are not very different: we expect our spouses to bring their A-game in the relationship. We should also bring our best-EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Letting go of ourselves physically does not help in the relationship. We should all work hard at keeping our sexy as much as possible.
How is your sexy game? Listen in...
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I can never get my head around dumping friends just because one is married.
Friends are the network which we fall under by sharing some desires, goals and aspirations. Getting married adds an extra circle to your exiting circles. it should not be an eliminator.
I personally have kept my circle of friends since college and we keep in touch regularly. We are currently spread all over the world but we check on each other regularly.
I enjoy those moments we share and when we go back to our home we spend at least one evening together and laughing like girls by the river (African cliché).
However, when you get married, you just added another list of responsibilities to your already full list. This means that you will have to alter your priorities. Your new relationship will also interrupt the singles lifestyle momentum: It will be preposterous to leave your spouse at 8pm every Friday, go on a drinking spree and come home at 5am, and expect your spouse to smile at you in the morning.
Communication is important if you want to avoid breaking up withyour friends or with your spouse. Listen in...
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Indifference and ignorance kills so many marriages today than ever before. Yours should not be among
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If God wanted us not to keep in touch with the opposite sex after marriage, He would have created a separate world for married couples. But since that is not the case we must learn to live together irrespective of our marital status.
We need to go out and hang out with our girlfriends and our husbands need some sanity from the chatters of the wife and children –they need to switch gears and so do women.
Men/husbands need to keep their ego pumped by their fellow men. Women need to be lifted, built and encouraged by fellow sisters.
However, when it comes to associating with the opposite sex, there will be some limits; flirting will be cut to the minimum possible – this applies to both married couple and vice versa. The couple should avoid any encouragements to flirt in the same way as singles do. This is a sign of commitment to the spouse and a the same time demanding the respect and treatment that comes with the new status.
If a spouse cannot control the flirts that are going on around him/her, the best way is to not participate in the exchanges, maybe between colleagues or other single friends.
It is important to remind your friends and colleagues that you have graduated to another level of flirting and sex talk: with your spouse exclusively; that you now get or give a VVIP treatment from one lover, your spouse.
Note: This does not mean that you stop talking to the opposite sex, working with them or even teaming up for business purposes; Your integrity will dictate the extent to which you can associate with the opposite sex. Again it is important to teach your spouse to trust you even in the company of other members of the opposite sex.
How do you do that? By being honest with your spouse all the time. Half-truths create a fertile ground for mistrust and strife.
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After being married for over ten years, you find out that the children you called your own blood, are not really your flesh and blood. How do you deal with a cheating spouse who also lies to you?
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If you are married and are still snooping around your crush, you need to listen up!!
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One of the worse scars a marriage can experience is infidelity. Spouses may feel violated and disrespected. However, a couple willing to keep their relationship thriving can survive any form of hurt and pain, if properly addressed and dealt with. Are there exceptions to this principle?
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The new baby excitement can take the centre stage of your marriage for the first few months, but that fades quickly when the baby becomes a routine duty and you have to go back to work.
Between the baby or babies and your spouse, there should be a balance to make sure you do not forget your love and desire for each other. Here is how...
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What is your thought on sex toys? Why would you need another toy when your spouse is the best toy you will ever have? I think you don't need extras when you and your spouse have a lot to learn from each other.
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A few words of wisdom in honour of our mothers. Wisdom is referred to as feminine. Proverbs 31 Is in praise of a virtuous woman/mother.
God's comfort is like that of a mother.
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Living in with your lover, or solemnizing your relationship into marriage depends a lot on the history of your childhood. The beauty is that nothing is cast on stone and attitudes can be changed.
Which one do you prefer? Living in with your lover, without being formally married or solemnizing your relationship?
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This is a very interesting topic: I feel 5 Minutes do not do justice to address it. There are so many positive outcomes of marriage. We talk about this till the sun sets on the equator.
Please let me know what your benefits are on:
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Be yourself, respect them and avoid conflicts with them. That is all you have to do.
Avoid going over the top to impress them as this will eventually drain you.
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Thy word is a lamp into my feet and a light unto my path... The Word of the Lord is a strong tower, the weak shall run to it and they shall be safe...
From Genesis to Revelation there are many verses about relationships and marriage. I get my strength and authority from this Holy book.
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Understanding, Patience and compromise are the three ruling words during the after-honeymoon days. With so much to hope for and expect, the couples usually find themselves struggling to adjust to the new reality without having to meet some of their expectations...
If two cups are kept together in a box, they cant avoid making heads bang against each other. Couples are no exception and it is perfectly normal to disagree - but what are the most common reasons for fights among couples?
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It often starts as a joke, then it becomes a game and eventually a habit that hurts deeper than anyone imagines: intimidation. Marriage is no place to play negative games, especially with your life partner.
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Are all marriages made in heaven? If they are, then why do some marriages fail?
Let's explore this question for a moment...
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After marrying my spouse I started having doubts as to whether I made the right choice. Is it normal to doubt your choices even when you are totally head-over-heels in love?
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There is always something to learn in life: even during Covid lockdown. Most of the lessons we learn inside the four walls of our homes. I have learned my lessons from my family and their extended communities:
Patience with self and others
Love defined in a very new way
Understanding that everyone is as challenged as you are.
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If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
“Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. TRUST. HOPE. LOVE. WISH. BELIEVE. Most of all, enjoy every moment of the journey, and appreciate where you are at this moment instead of always focusing on how far you have to go.”
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass
If you are busy trying to be like someone else, you are not living your life. If you are busy chasing one paycheck after another, you are not living life, you are a slave. If you are addicted to glamour and materialism, you are not living life, you are a slave of the economy. If you are chasing one desire after another, in search of that thrill and fame, you are a fool and demented. Live. NOW. Your dreams are your subjects and not the other way round. It is crucial to master your life path, your goals, your desires and your life.
The story of the king with four wives: soul, family and friends, wealth and possessions, body.
Your soul is you and it is wise to be true to your soul.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”― Oscar Wilde
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”― Bernard M. Baruch
Do what makes you happy. Be free to be you. Play, adventure, take risks, smile, cry and above feel the thrill of life.
Live life now.
For more information please get a copy of my book: POPSTAR. the link is below
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“F.L.Y. – First Love Yourself. Others will come next.” Anonymous
You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.” Diane Von Furstenberg.
If you love yourself, everything else falls into place. You are your number one fun and you cannot expect people to love you if you do not love yourself; it shows when you don’t love yourself. You show it by the way you walk, the comments you make about yourself, how you treat your body, how you talk and act.
Those negative remarks you make reinforce what you think about yourself. you may have learned it from your childhood, from your culture from your friends, but this habit does not build you. Avoid at all costs, bringing yourself down. I am certain you would not enjoy the company of someone who keeps telling you how but they are at one thing, how ugly they are, how untalented they are or how they cannot do one thing or the other.
`How do I learn to love myself?
· Affirmations: Remember the lesson we learned from taking back your power? take those positive adjectives that describe you and repeat them every morning. repeat them until they become your second nature. Once you overwrite those demeaning thoughts you begin to realise the positive side of you.
· Self-care: Taking care of your mind, body and spirit goes a long way in helping you love yourself. Make it a daily habit to build the inner person who comes to serve the outer you.
· Grooming: Growing up, I was admonished for being unkempt and our parents kept repeating, “ cleanliness is next to godliness.” Keeping yourself clean and neat helps you manage stress, you feel calm and confident. Looking good is seldom about physical attributes but rather it is about hygiene and grooming. Take time to be clean, tidy neat and you will feel a confidence boost almost instantly.
· Pamper yourself, reward yourself: After a hard days work, it is okay to pamper yourself; with a bubble bath, a massage session a relaxing dinner out or in house good food. Your soul needs some love for having taken you through a hard day or a tough ordeal. Pampering varies from one person to the next but the goal is to tap into the ‘feel-good’ hormones that come with a good reward. Remember that you only reward yourself after achieving the set goals or tasks, never before.
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A goal without a plan is just a wish.” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, writer and pioneering aviator
“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” ― Benjamin Franklin, Founding Father of the United States
Self-improvement will meet nothing if you do not plan to take action. Every minute you are alive adds up to make your life. It would be prudent, therefore, to make the seconds, the minutes, the hours count.
When you wake up in the morning, the day will often unfold according to your plans. If you have no plans, then your day unfolds according to your inaction. As the says, failing to plan is planning to fail. You fail not because you did not know what to do, but because you did not plan to take action.
You can divide your day into parts: Self-focus time, service time and downtime.
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“Continuous learning is the minimum requirement for success in any field.” Brian Tracy
Henry Ford said, “ Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. And whoever continues learning stays young.”
“Live as if you’ll die tomorrow, and learn as if you’ll live forever,” Mahatma Gandhi.
Let us start by distinguishing formal education from learning. Learning is what is left after all you studied has faded. It is what you retain for life. often times it is a very small fraction of the education process, and it easily becomes obsolete with time. that is why continuous learning is inevitable. If you do not embrace self-improvement, you also risk being obsolete.
Continuous learning is about consciously seeking knowledge that is relevant and important for you. It involves seeking knowledge, skills, seeking mentors, emulating other trailblazers in your field and sometimes discovering other aspects on your own.
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After getting back your power, it is important to remember that wielding power without mindfulness can be dangerous. Using the newly acquired power with consciousness and virtue is desirable. How you go through every day is as crucial as the results you get. Ask yourself the following questions:
· Am I conscious/mindful of my eating habits: Do I eat because I am hungry or it because I feel like eating? Am I conscious of the nutrition value of what I eat?
· How do I treat those around me? Do I pay attention to those talking to me and listen actively to their conversations? Do I feel the pain in peoples tears, and feel the loneliness in their requests?
· Do I listen to my body and heed its advice? do I work out to keep my body fit or do I dump junk in it without thinking? How do I treat my mind? Do I feed my mind with positive thoughts, my soul with healthy soul food? How do I treat the negative nagging thoughts that visit my minds? Do I entertain them or do I observe them passively and let them pass? Remember what you focus on grows.
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How many times have you blamed other external triggers for your predicaments? How do you give away your power over your future? The decisions you make today will define your future depending on who you give your power. Listen in:
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whether we are aware of it or not, we carry baggage that we should not have on our shoulders, and it wears us down eventually. Most of the pains we suffer from emanates from the undue pressure we expose ourselves to, for instance:
- Unforgiveness
- Unfounded fear
- Worrying
We need to get over our past and heal ourselves inside out.
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After spending so much time serving others and meeting other peoples' needs, it is time to look inwards and heal the inner self, build the inner self and get back your power.
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Marriage is two persons team each with a crucial purpose. The success of the team depends on ow each individual plays.
Patrick shares some important insights on what teamwork means in marriage. He covers three important points:
- Roles
- Conflict
- TEAM
Listen in and learn with me.
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- Focus on yourself
- Schedule your day
- Share your skills with your children and with family
- remember that project you never completed? Do it now
- Device fun activities for the whole family
- Grooming time is now
- reach out to the elderly in the neighbourhood.
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Does marriage have any guarantees?
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you are looking for, go live with a car battery.” Emma Bombeck
Define marriage:
“Marriage is a bond between one person who never remembers anniversaries and another one who never forgets them.” Anonymous.
Positivity in marriage is like this?
“I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She hugged me. LOL!”
Advice for a husband: “never laugh at wife's choices, because you are one of them!”
If at first you don’t succeed...try doing it the way your wife told you.
How do you know a good marriage?
“A good marriage is where each partner secretly believes they got a better deal” Anonymous.
“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband”. Michael de Montaigne.
Marriage is all about ‘give and take’. You give him something to eat and you take some time to yourself.
Finally, before you marry him, listen to him chew. If you can stand that noise for the rest of your life, then go ahead with the wedding.
How’s your wife like?
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way” Henry Youngman.
Beauty fades and so will his eyesight. There’s no sense worrying. Women want to look good for their spouses. Ideally, you want to look the same as you did on your wedding day. Thanks to his fading eyesight, you will! Whew. What a relief.
Define Love:
“Love is like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays but you know it is there.” George burns.
How does a guy if he is in love?
“How does a guy know he has fallen in love? When he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” Henry Young man.
Marriage and making peace.
Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight all night. LOL!
Marriage is a relationship between one person who is always right and the other who is the husband.
If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.
Husbands are the best people to share your secrets with. They’ll never tell anyone because they aren’t even listening.
Marriage and Math
Maths after marriage is simple. If you have $20 and your wife has $5, she has $25.
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“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in.”
― Isaac Asimov
These are the assumptions:
- That every marriage begins with falling in love
- Happily ever after is not guaranteed after a wedding or honeymoon
- You have your mood swings and your spouse is no angel either
- Just because you sleep together, live in the same house or share a dream, does not give you permission to make decisions on your relationship without consulting each other.
- His family is your family and vice versa
- Mi casa et su casa
- If you don’t say it your spouse should ‘read’ your behaviour and know what to do
- Disagreements are part of every marriage
- Great/Frequent lovemaking, means deep love for each other and vice versa is true
- My spouse should always put me first, in his/her life
Remember Falling in love is easy but staying in love is a team effort, and assumptions have no room in this endeavour. Ask, converse, suggest, and most of all, learn to listen to each other.
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I recently received a question from a client who asked me, “ Is love a pre-requisite in marriage? I come from a culture where we have arranged marriages, yet we have far fewer divorces than in the west where people fall in love before they marry. How important then, is love in a relationship?”
It takes a whole village to make a marriage work. You also need the following pillars for marriage to last: Clear channels of communication
Expectations and responsibilities
Respect
Patience
Sobriety
Forgiveness
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If you are just trying it out: It will never work. Marriage requires commitment and the discipline to stick to it to the end. You are in it for the long run or not at all.
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If you are living in with your mate and you think you owe them for letting you stay. Even if you are broke and need to co-habit with someone for a while, let the issue of marriage not be on the table. Marriage is not an exchange commodity. It is far more complicated than returning the favour. A time will come when you will want out – and the idea of living in with your mate will no longer be enticing? What will you do then? Dissolve the marriage?
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If great sex is all you have: If you have already indulged in sex before marriage, and it felt like you were in cloud nine – great! But other than sex, you cannot it down and talk, cannot keep your promises to each other, cannot plan your finances, are not disciplined on issues of fidelity among others. In marriage, a time will come when sex loses its spark due to life pressures. So what will happen to your marriage?
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If you are only attracted to your mate’s looks. There is a saying in my vernacular that says, I will paraphrase; as long as you are living you are still undergoing creation. Accidents happen that disfigure a previously beautiful body, illness comes and eat away the tight muscles. Beauty fades, eventually and curvy bodies go flabby. Will that be the end of your marriage or will you be looking for ‘refills’, or younger blood?
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If you are lonely and need company: Absolutely !! A lonely soul can never find a company in marriage. It is a sign of insecurity from within the person and no amount of loving or company will heal this wound.
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Under pressure to marry: No peer pressure, family pressure, relatives pressure etc should push to make a decision that will permanently affect your life’s trajectory. The ugliest human is the one who blames those around him/her for the ills in one’s life.
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Just because you are pregnant. If you find out that you are expecting a child and you think that marrying someone is the next important thing, you are mistaken. That child will need a home, not a lodging place; that child will need love, not abuse. therefore, if you do not love the father to the child, it is safer to be alone with your child than to marry a person you do not love or want to be with for the rest of your life.
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If both of you are already having fights and conflicts: Periodic disagreements and differences of opinion are normal between any two people. However, rampant seriously conflicts that threaten your relationship, are a clear warning sign that you are not meant for each other.
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To get even with your ex: I have seen a number f my relatives and friends get married soon after a break-up – just to prove a point to their exes, that they are still in demand. Unfortunately, these relationships never last for the simple reason that the motives were all wrong.
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If you have seriously conflicting principles: Any serious deviations in principle which are not reconcilable, are a major red light. These differences include faith matters, drug-taking, fidelity and polygamy or polyandry, having or not having children, issues bout extended family interference etc.
For those that are already married and the reasons above apply, I believe you can now self-diagnose and seek any necessary remedial measures. You can seek therapy, counselling or coaching to help you surmount the challenges of bad decisions.
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I love you.
You are my best friend.
Today I give myself to you in marriage.
I promise to encourage and inspire you,
to laugh with you, and to comfort you
in times of sorrow and struggle.
I promise to love you in good times and in bad,
when life seems easy and when it seems hard,
when our love is simple, and when it is an effort.
I promise to cherish you,
and to always hold you in highest regard.
These things I give to you today,
and all the days of our life.
https://guruhellen.com/books/takes-two-to-tango-how-to-enjoy-lifelong-marriage
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Marriage is a two people organisation, a two people team and a unique entity which needs certain fundamentals to survive and thrive. Falling in love is a mystery that nobody can explain but keeping the relationship going needs more than just falling in love. There should be rules and expectations as we have covered in Day 8 and 9. One of the most important ingredients is respect for each other. Without respect, the love you have between you will not stand the test of time and cannot survive the thorns/ storms of life.
1. Wife, remember to give your man bragging rights: It is good for their hormones, his ego and his achievements. Bragging means acknowledging what he is doing and make him strong and dependable. (Proverbs 31:23)
2. Your husband needs to put his confidence in you in order to succeed(Proverbs 31:11-12) A hardworking man goes far, but a hardworking man with a supportive wife has no limits. Synergy triples and quadruples the results.
3. Husband praise your wife and make her feel that they are the best. (Proverbs31: 29)
4. Wives, get busy building your family and you will have no time for gossip or evil thoughts. (Proverbs 31:13-19)
5. Husbands give your wife respect and credit for all she does. She works hard to make a house into a home. (Proverbs 31:30 – 31)
6. Husband remind your wife that she is beautiful (Song of Solomon 1: 9-10, 7:1-9)
7. It is okay to be romantic with your spouse in words of praise and poetry ( Song of Solomon)
8. Together Each Achieves More (TEAM). ( Proverbs 31:11-12)
9. Husband don’t spend your energy and money on sex and women, they have destroyed kings (Proverbs 31:3)
- Wife avoid gossip and slander, it breaks marriages, destroys trust and respect( Proverbs 16: 28)
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(The 10 commandments of love (song by Moonglows)
The Lovers’ Ten Commandments
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Thou shall not love another as long as we live, I shall yours and you shall be mine.
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Thou shall stand by me through the good and the bad times, In sickness and in health, in times of much wealth and in times of financial struggles, in times of childbearing and in times of parenting, in my youth years and in my old age.
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Thou shall have faith in me and in everything I do. I shall support you in every way you need to succeed in life and you shall do the same for me.
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Thou shall love me with all thy heart, as I will do the same. We shall share our love with our children and be role models of an ideal couple for them.
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Thou shall take the happiness and the heartaches I come with, for which complement each other. You are my strength and I am yours.
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Thou shall not flirt with others but with me. Thou shall not lust after others but after me.
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Thou shall not raise your voice in anger but instead take time out to cool down and makeup later.
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Thou shall remember the important dates in our relationship and observe them. We shall celebrate milestones in each other’s life together.
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Thou shall remember our date nights and honour them.
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Thou shall be generous with compliments free of judgement.
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Traditionally we gift with Roses, jewellery, chocolate and candy accompanied by a poetic love card for Valentine’s Day celebration.
Everything can grow old Especially if you have been married for over 10 ten years. It becomes a case of “same old, same old.” It almost feels like you have run out of creative ways to say ‘ I love you’.
Our focus on this challenge is to bring Zest back into your love life as well. Here are some ideas:
- A custom-made or handmade love card
- Wine and play evening:
- how about a bonfire for just the two of you
- a paint and sip class ...
For more fun ideas listen in.
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Imagine a rose to represent your marriage relationship. The petals are the beautiful parts of the relationship, which both of you have worked hard to realize, your love, your children, your milestones etc. The stems represent the timeline of your relationship: and stems have thorns. They are inevitable.
The thorns in your relationship could be:
- Loss of jobs or career
- Sickness
- Accidents or incapacitation
- Death
There are infections and parasites that can infect the rose and may affect its growth. These are external influences that we invite by own will. These pests and parasites could be:
- Cheating
- Gambling and addictions
- Financial recklessness among others
What are your thorns and how are you working with them? Can you identify your parasites and how do you eradicate them?
The discussion goes on here:
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Valentines Day is around the corner and we, ladies, wives, lovers and fiancees wish to treated specially on this day. How about our men, lovers, husbands, fiances?
This is a candid talk from a man who cares to, all ladies who wish to understand their husbands better - thanks to my sweetheart, Patrick.
Don.t forget the discussion continues on the links below:
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Aside with the chitchat - we have things they wish our darling husbands knew:
- The emotions behind our behaviour
- The reason we ask many questions and opinions
- The strength and the sensitivity all explained
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Finances are what makes you realise your dreams, your vacations, your lifestyle and also helps you build wealth. Finances require you to work together as a team; to synergize. Personal space on the hand is asking you the exact opposite; To let your spouse have some time to himself or herself. Personal space is allowing your spouse to reconnect with the inner self without any demands or expectations from anyone.
One would wonder what these two have in common: Most couples don’t know how to handle them. We don't like talking about them, to avoid hurting or being hurt.
How often do you budget as a couple or as a family?
· How about savings for your children’s college fees?
· Do you blame each other in times of financial crisis?
· How many accounts do you have as an individual and as a couple and are they necessary?
· How do you pay yourselves after each pay-day?
· What percentage of your earnings goes into savings and investments?
Why do you need time to be alone?
· To meditate and reflect on day’s events
· To empty oneself of the negative energy one may have picked from work or acquaintances
· To think independently without being harassed into action
· To enhance creativity;
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“Style is a simple way of saying complicated things.” — Jean Cocteau
What is sexy? How do you know what is sexy and what is not?
How do you exactly do that?
- · Exercise regularly; both aerobic and anaerobic exercises have their benefits to your body.
- · Meditate to detoxify your mind and to create a blank slate for imaginative juices to flow.
- · Healthy eating is good for your body, mind and spirit.
- Partner with your spouse in regular activities other than just the gym.
- · Attend self-improvement programs together, to help each of you to work on the self.
- · Attend spiritual growth functions together.
- · Volunteer
- · Live, love laugh: Have fun and allow yourself to be goofy, laugh at your self and with each other.
- Away with busy! Bring back the fun into the bedroom.
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Are sex and lovemaking the same thing?
How do I make my spouse indulge more in lovemaking?
How do I start sex/love talk with my spouse?
There are many good books on erotica for married couples, how can we use them to make our love life better?
Why do we think that men are more visually stimulated than women? What makes a woman be stimulated? How do you connect with your wife emotionally?
What is romance according to women?
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Growing up, we learned to decipher non-verbal language from a very early age. If you were on the wrong, your mother only needed to give you ‘the look’ and you would recoil into your room. You could if your parents were happy or angry with you by just studying their facial formation or behaviour. We are all experts in our own rights, of deciphering non-verbal communication and this expertise could go a long way in making our relationships stronger.
The challenge comes when you turn a blind eye to the many non-verbal cues your spouse is sending to you, yet you can decipher a stranger’s cues quite easily. Is it selective decoding or have you become blinded by life such that you can’t see or understand your spouse? The aim of this podcast is to help you open your sensitivity to your spouse’s non-verbal behaviour.
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“We assume others show love the same way we do – and if they don’t, we worry its not there.” Gary Chapman
Isn’t that the truth? We judge others by our own perception of love, and our own expression of love. Most of our inadequacies of love expression come from this viewpoint. We look at our spouses through the same glasses we view the world and we express ourselves through the same limited glasses.
According to Gary Chapman, the author of “5 Languages of Love”, the five languages of love are:
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Words of affirmation
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Acts of service
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Receiving gifts
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Quality time
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Physical touch
While there is a universal language of love, each individual has highly personalised interpretations of the same acts of love. Some of us like an expression of love by touch, by hugs, by kisses or by pampering, while some of us believe a verbal expression is sufficient. Others believe that love must be accompanied by some defined actions or activities while others believe that gifts make an excellent expression of love.
My question to you is: What is your language of love and how do you interpret the expression of love from your spouse?
And the second question to you is: Does your spouse understand your love language and interprets your expression as intended?
https://guruhellen.com/content/love-language-questionnaire-day-3
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“Remember to celebrate your milestones as you prepare for the road ahead.” Nelson Mandela
After detoxifying yourselves of the bad habits and toxins, the next prudent thing to do is to go back into the past and bring to the present, the good bricks. These bricks will help build a great foundation for the future. They also bring the good that is worth celebrating just like in the song “Breakfast at Tiffany”- the things you have in common, especially the beautiful ones.
Remembering the good moments highlights the reasons you both fell in love, reaffirms the reason you have always stuck together, and spreads the beautiful feelings to the present moments.
Below is a link for the Celebration Template which will help you recognise and appreciate each other's milestones.
https://guruhellen.com/content/celebration-template-day-2
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Toxic relationships are a hazard to your health – equally or worse than bad eating habits, low self-esteem, and a stressful job.
Environmental toxicity: A marriage relationship, in particular, tends to be the dumping ground for all the garbage we collect from work, relatives, friends and even media.
Inherited Toxicity: Some bad habits tend to be carried from one generation to another.
Acquired toxicity: low self-esteem, physiological issues and repeated negative feedback from your spouse and or friends or family. This is your personal talk, the voice inside you that keeps telling you that you are not enough, that you are inferior, that you cannot achieve the goals you set, that your spouse doesn’t love you back as you would like.
Remember, what is not acknowledged does not get attended to. To help deal with toxicity within your marriage you need to identify the source, close the channels and cleanse yourself of the inherent effects.
Please download the toxicity buster template and do a self-diagnosis with your spouse. The template may not be exhaustive and you are welcome to add on any toxins you notice in your relationship. The aim is to remedy and cleanse yourselves of these recurrent problems. It is also important that you deal with the sources of the toxicity as a team and heal each other as a team. Marriage is a work in progress and therefore requires the two of you to work together.
https://guruhellen.com/content/marriage-detox-analysis-template-day-1
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Welcome the relationships renewal spa!! We are going to have an intensive relationship challenge for you and your spouse. Why? Because we want you:
- To rekindle and supercharge your marriage to a more romantic and intense relationship.
- To renew and reaffirm your love, deep respect and desire for each other
- To remind you what is more important in your spouse and how to help your spouse to love you more.
- To open wide the channels of communication between you: Both verbal and non-verbal
- To explore more enjoyable ways of helping each other realise their personal goals without necessarily sacrificing your own.
- To build a two people, one love, one passion team that will last.
- To learn more innovative ways of conflict handling and love sharing.
- To recommit your vows to each other.
The first day we shall explore how to detoxify your relationship.
Please join me on the fourteen-day Love focus challenge!!
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Do you ever wonder why your spouse keeps quiet when you need them to give you feedback?
Do you want to end the confrontational episodes when you share your ideas?
This article will give you hints as to what is going on your communication system and how to overcome this.
“Millions and millions in the valley of decisions…” (Joel 3:14)
As long as you are alive, you are obliged to make decisions and to follow them through. It also means taking accountability for the consequences of your decisions. Not making a decision is also a choice, and has its repercussions as well.
This is even more pronounced in marital relationships, where a couple has to constantly consult and make choices together. This means a compromise has to be reached almost every time a decision has to be made. It can be hard and sometimes emotionally draining if one spouse has to repeatedly compromise to the advantage of the other, or for the family. A win-win situation is always ideal.
Each spouse can effectively make decisions on their own in some cases, but there are some marital facets that demand teamwork. This trend should be set as soon as the couple begins dating and should become the couple’s habit.
? Ask questions regarding your spouse’s plan or intentions: There is nothing more disarming as a question politely asked. Asking your spouse’s plans or intentions usually opens up a door to him/her reciprocating by asking yours as well. This eliminates the notion that you are dominating the planning and decision-making process in the relationship.
? Ask for their opinions regarding a project or activity you intend to do. For instance “What do you think about us going out for dinner tonight instead of you cooking?” Give two sides of the options you are asking and if possible explain how the spouse stands to benefit as well.
? Allow your partner to think through any proposals. Avoid pressuring them to give you feedback instantly. Some proposals involve a total change of lifestyle while others are mundane and may not bring much effect. Either way, if your spouse asks for time to think it through, kindly step back and let them weigh their options without you interfering or pressuring them.
? Explain the details, the reasons or motivations behind your point of view or suggestions.
Answer the unspoken questions you feel your spouse may be thinking of. Give the details wholly, and if possible get the facts ready before airing your points. This shows your spouse that you did your homework before discussing the idea as opposed to just impulsive wanton thoughts flowing through your mind.
? Be honest… Be truthful… Be factual. Avoid giving piecemeal stories that are like doses of truths and half-truths. This makes your spouse lose confidence in your plans as well as not to trust you fully. This becomes a very fertile ground for speculations and suspicions. Questions such as “ what are you not telling me?” will start to arise. Eventually, they will start to double-check everything you say, and that is a good recipe for a broken marriage.
? Involve your spouse in the emotional journeys you go through. This a challenge particularly for husbands, who think it not manly to share their emotions. Your spouse needs to know what you are going through so that they can understand the motive behind the decisions you make. Give yourself emotionally to your spouse so that you can reap the benefits of empathy and full companionship. One of the greatest benefits is the support you get in decision making… it is a ‘no-brainer’.
Marriages are for better or worse. The better comes easy; while the worse needs to be worked at together, with a whole lot of patience and love.&
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Most of us are guilty of this vice. When things hurt too much we cover our pain under a multitude of busy-ness. While this seems to be the easiest way out of confrontation, it is the reason why we fall apart, why our relationships are filled with poison. How do we get over this challenge and still k When it hurts too much to share…
I have a confession to make: And this is something that has been haunting me all my dating and married years. It has been the source of most of my pains and hurts. I bleed and smile at the same time, and cover my tears with an assuring nod that I am alright. I am so diplomatic that it is almost impossible to notice the hurt inside me unless you are a master of observation. I have successfully kept this weakness under covers of success, hard work, responsibilities and loving relationships for a very long time.
Now that the secret is about to come out, I would like to apologise to those whom I have left high and dry, wondering what went wrong. I apologise to my spouse for the many times I have committed this crime when I was not supposed to do it. I apologise to my relatives and friends who have not been spared the effects of my interesting behaviour. Okay here is my vile behaviour: SILENCE...
You got it right; silence. I was taught very early that if I don’t have anything nice to say, it would be better for me to shut up – a lesson I learned so well. I have the potential to be outspoken and sometimes insensitive. Sometimes it is so hard to balance between expressing myself justly or just whining, or being outright ridiculous!By “I” I mean “All spouses who swallow hurt and pain like warriors,” only to hurt themselves in the process. I am the diplomatic type and hate looking like the bad spouse who never shuts up or is always complaining. As a result, I have been ignored (and swallowed that pain), disrespected (swallowed that too), had my ego deflated (was hard to swallow but did it too) and used, (never said a word). I express my dissatisfaction and move on.
Here is the backlash: an explosive spouse. When I have had it all in, well covered and sealed the openings, pressure builds up inside and like a bomb I just explode like a bomb. The damage is often irreversible. I haul words and emotions only the Lord knows where they come from, talk nonstop like a rap star rant without pauses, pace up and down like a nervous mouse and the house becomes a hell hole. No one can be saved from this backlash as it hits hard with an aim to make the other person to feel exactly how I feel; usually very nasty. All my rants begin with “I am sorry I have to say this and do not interrupt me when I am talking…..”
By the time I am done the house feels cold, haunted and scary, and downright ugly. It is the worst place for me to be in at that time. Why because I just burned some bridges, tore and damaged some egos, made loved ones feel like trash, made some tears flow and worst of all, I cannot undo what I just said.
Was it worth it? absolutely not. There were better ways of addressing the hurt without converting it into a plague. I end creating chasms that I may never close and it haunts for days after. The pain and hurt I was going through are not worth the wounds I have caused on my loved ones.
If only… If only I had taken the time to “avoid confrontation or disappointing my loved ones” If only I had said what I needed to say instead of “talking like a civilized married woman” and “letting sleeping dogs lie”. If only…
While relationships are a balance between emotional vulnerability and emotional strength, it often an acrobatic stance trying to balance these. Communication - especially clear, timely and meaningful discussions go a long way in helping avoid the above scenarios. It is often prudent to ‘strike the iron while it is sti
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Marrying a competitive or career-focused spouse has its ups and downs. It is an excellent gift to the relationship but needs to be handled with love and care. Listen in to learn how to deal with a competitive spouse.
Marriage is one of the most interesting relationships known to man. Two different souls with different desires and ambitions meet and choose to espouse each other. They blend their dreams and hopes to make one family. They plan, they celebrate milestones together and grow old together. They act like penguins or doves - together forever. That is the calling of two people who love each other- to love, to cherish and to hold. Having a competitive spouse can be a big blessing because a spouse can be the engine behind the family’s business or career prosperity.
There are other times in the relationship when the dreams become incongruent. One spouse wishes to pursue his or her own career dreams and the other spouse thinks the same. This definitely causes conflict and disagreements ensue. I will share one of the many stories that I experienced with my husband.
I once wished to pursue my academic career at the same time as my husband. out of respect, I let him start and finish his studies. I supported him both financially and emotionally. I knew he needed support to complete the course as it was very demanding. When he graduated with a Masters’ Degree, we celebrated. Then it was my turn to go back to school. Well contrary to what I expected, I got no support whatsoever. He asked me to wait for another opportune time. I knew deep in my heart that if I waited, the opportunity would pass me by. So without his consent, I went ahead and took a loan to help me get started. This did not go well with him and it caused some tension.
What I am trying to say is, if you know that your spouse is ambitious and a big dreamer, count yourself lucky and support him/her. Why? Because it is for the benefit of the family when you both grow. The relationship should be reciprocal for it to thrive. I surely felt hurt when I realised that I could get a reciprocal on my support but that did not stop me.
There are ways in which to help your ambitious and career-focused spouse realize their dreams without sacrificing your relationship. Some are as subtle as asking hard questions about the career progression why others involve serious budgeting and planning. I will list out some informed ways of supporting your competitive spouse:
v Lay down a five-year career progression plan together: Every decade of your relationship should be marked by new career and business plans. These plans should be reviewed annually. Discuss in detail which path to follow, who is responsible for each activity and how long each activity should take.
v Make room for career/business changes: Economic downturns can occur and this will definitely affect your progression. At this juncture, it would be wise to review your path to see how you are affected. It may need you to put your progression on hold or postpone or take a totally different pathway. Either way, you will need the decisions together.
v Budget: Nothing can be achieved without budgeting. Balance income and expenditure which includes career expenses. What is not budgeted should not be spent. The biggest source of conflict in marriage finances. This is a very avoidable challenge if you practise budgeting and stick to the budget. If you have a competitive spouse, he/she is likely to be inconsiderate when they feel they need to grow. Always remind your spouse that deviation from the budget that you both set up together would adversely affect your family
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There are several factors to consider before solemnizing your relationship. These factors prevent conflict in marriage and its premature dissolution. These are things you must know about your spouse.
These factors include financial history, your fiance's/ fiancee's credit history, previous broken relationships, in-laws and children, addictions, serious health issues etc.
For more information contact me at:
Hello@guruhellen.com
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