"Like Hearted vs Like Minded: The Key to Meaningful Friendships"

Episode Summary:In this episode, Fawn and Matt discuss the difference between like-minded and like-hearted individuals. The conversation delves into the challenges of forming deep connections in a world where people often cluster with those who share similar views, leading to echo chambers. Fawn reflects on personal experiences where like-hearted connections were complicated by differing religious, political, or cultural views. Matt shares his approach to connecting with people beyond surface-level affiliations. They both explore the importance of openness and genuine interaction in discovering true like-heartedness in friendships and relationships.

LikeHearted, #GenuineConnections, #DeepConversations, #FriendshipMatters, #Openness, #BreakingBarriers, #AuthenticLiving

Keywords:Like-Hearted, Connection, Openness, Prejudice, Relationships, Authenticity, Communication

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In this compelling episode, Fawn and Matt are joined by the remarkable Chaz Ebert, who shares insights from her powerful new book, "It's Time to Give a FECK: Elevating Humanity Through Forgiveness, Empathy, Compassion, and Kindness." Through deeply personal stories, including the telepathic connection she shared with her late husband, Roger Ebert, Chaz delves into how FECK can transform lives and communities. Together, they explore the profound impact of authentic communication, the contagious power of positivity, and the vital role of empathy in creating a more compassionate world. This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to infuse their life with meaning and heart.

https://www.rogerebert.com/

ChazEbert, #FECKPrinciples, #EmpathyInAction, #ForgivenessJourney, #KindnessMatters, #CompassionateLiving, #InspireChange

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"When Boundaries Break: Navigating Friendship Challenges and Personal Growth"

In this episode of Our Friendly World, we dive deep into the complex world of boundaries and how they impact our friendships and self-worth. Fawn shares personal stories of navigating difficult situations, where her boundaries were tested, leading to heartbreak and valuable life lessons. With insights from close friends, the discussion explores how to establish and maintain boundaries, the importance of self-respect, and the courage it takes to stand up for oneself, even when it means risking being seen as the "bad person." Tune in for an honest conversation on the challenges of protecting your emotional well-being while nurturing healthy relationships.

This episode revolves around the theme of boundaries in relationships and personal interactions. Fawn and Matt discuss their experiences and insights regarding how boundaries are tested, the challenges of maintaining them, and the importance of asserting oneself without feeling guilty or being labeled negatively. They share personal anecdotes and draw parallels to broader philosophical and practical implications, emphasizing the need for clear communication and self-advocacy in navigating various social dynamics.

HealthyBoundaries, #FriendshipChallenges, #SelfRespect, #EmotionalWellbeing, #PersonalGrowth, #LifeLessons, #PodcastCommunity

Boundaries, Friendships, Self-Worth, Emotional Health, Personal Growth, Conflict Resolution, Relationship Dynamics

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This week's episode dives into the heart of what makes true connections flourish—genuine interest in others. Join us as we explore the power of curiosity and the importance of being interested, rather than just trying to be interesting. Through personal stories and relatable struggles, we uncover how asking the right questions and embracing vulnerability can lead to deeper, more meaningful friendships. Whether you're navigating new social situations or rekindling old relationships, this episode is a reminder that the strongest bonds are built not on what you say, but on how much you care about what others have to share.

BuildingConnections, #TrueFriendship, #MeaningfulConversations, #GenuineConnections, #CuriosityMatters, #FriendshipGoals, #BeInterested

Genuine Connections - Emphasizes the focus on authentic relationships.

Power of Curiosity - Highlights the importance of curiosity in building friendships.

Be Interested, Not Interesting - A key phrase that encapsulates the episode’s main advice for forming meaningful bonds.

Asking the Right Questions - Points to the value of inquiry in deepening friendships.

Embracing Vulnerability - Appeals to those who understand that openness is crucial to close relationships.

Deeper, Meaningful Friendships - Directly speaks to the kind of relationships the audience is seeking.

Relatable Struggles - Ensures listeners feel understood and connects to shared human experiences.

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"In this episode of 'Friends Unfiltered,' Fawn and Matt delve into the art of making friends with people who are vastly different from oneself. From humorous anecdotes about awkward outings to deeper insights into human curiosity and connection, they explore how stepping outside comfort zones can lead to meaningful friendships. Join them as they discuss the psychology behind curiosity, vulnerability, and positive interactions in forging bonds with those who may hold opposing views."

Friendship, Curiosity, Comfort zone, Opposite personalities, Human connection, Psychology of relationships, Step outside comfort

MakingFriends, #OppositesAttract, #NewFriendships, #StepOutOfComfortZone, #SocialConnections, #PodcastEpisode, #FriendshipGoals

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In this week's episode of Tech Unfiltered, Fawn and Matt dive into the realm of unfiltered technology, exploring how to break free from algorithm-driven content that limits our perspectives. They discuss practical steps to diversify your online experience, from using alternative browsers like Firefox to seeking news from different global perspectives. Learn why it's crucial to see beyond the usual digital feed to become more multidimensional, aware, and connected in our tech habits. Join them for tips on how to expand your worldview and engage with content outside your comfort zone.

TechUnfiltered, #DigitalAwareness, #InternetPrivacy, #AlgorithmInsights, #DiversePerspective, #OnlineExperience, #TechTips

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In this week's episode, Fawn and Matt explore the importance of having friends with different beliefs and lifestyles. They delve into personal stories, including Fawn’s memorable encounter with a childhood classmate and the lessons learned from it. The episode takes a humorous turn as Fawn discusses her unique approach to relieving stress, and the couple reflect on communication challenges in relationships. Tune in for a lively discussion on the value of diverse friendships and finding common ground amidst differences.

Diverse Friendships, Relationship Communication, Stress Relief Techniques, Embracing Differences, Unique Stress Relief, Finding Common Ground, Opposites Attract

DiverseFriendships, #RelationshipGoals, #StressRelief, #CommunicationMatters, #EmbraceDifferences, #UniqueApproach

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Join Matt and Fawn as they delve into the concept of mental fitness through the lens of negative visualization. Exploring ancient Stoic practices, they discuss how contemplating potential setbacks can build resilience and gratitude. From the origins of Stoicism to practical applications in modern life, they explore how acknowledging adversity can enhance psychological strength. Tune in for insights on balancing positive thinking with preparing for challenges in this thought-provoking episode on mental resilience and gratitude.

In this episode, Matt and Fawn dive deep into the concept of "negative visualization," an ancient Stoic practice. Matt shares his recent Google Fu journey, leading him to explore how contemplating worst-case scenarios can actually foster resilience and gratitude. The discussion uncovers the surprising benefits of occasionally focusing on negative outcomes and how it contrasts with the modern emphasis on positive visualization. Tune in to discover how ancient philosophies can help us manage our minds in today's fast-paced world and enhance our psychological fitness.

Friendship, #Resilience, #Stoicism, #Mindfulness, #Mental Fitness, #Gratitude, #Connection

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In this week's episode, "The Party," Fawn and Matt discuss an eventful weekend involving their next-door neighbors' lively party. While Matt was asleep, Fawn found herself alone and feeling both inspired and lonely by the festivities next door. She braved the night, sitting outside on their deck, and reflected on her feelings about parties and social gatherings. This led to an introspective conversation between the two about what makes a party enjoyable and the art of hosting. Fawn shared her thoughts on the key elements of a successful party, and they reminisced about memorable gatherings from their past. The episode dives into the nuances of social connection, hospitality, and the significance of creating a warm and welcoming environment for friends and family.

PartyPlanning, #HostingTips, #SocialGatherings, #HospitalityIdeas, #MemorableEvents, #NeighborStories, #IntrospectiveConversations

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This week's episode dives deep into the concept of hope and community through the lens of historical and modern perspectives on World's Fairs. Join Matt and Fawn as they explore the legacy of World's Fairs, from their origins showcasing futuristic visions to today's societal challenges and the role of media and technology in shaping our perceptions. Reflecting on the power of optimism amidst contemporary fears, they discuss how understanding our past can inspire a brighter future, fostering connections and resilience in an uncertain world.

WorldsFair, #FutureOfHope, #ScienceFiction, #PositivityMatters, #AIAndCreativity, #CommunityBuilding, #OvercomingFear

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Fawn and Matt are joined by special guest Rachael Naylor, founder of the VoiceOver Network, as they explore how to build a community from the ground up using your voice and the transformative power of vulnerability and generosity. They discuss how openness fosters deep connections and creates supportive communities, drawing from personal experiences within the VoiceOver Network. Rachael shares insights on voice acting and the impact of authenticity in communication, while Fawn reflects on her journey of growth and success. The conversation underscores the importance of embracing authenticity, practicing generosity, and cultivating positive energy to navigate challenges and foster meaningful relationships.

Vulnerability, Generosity, Voiceover, Community, Authenticity, Connection, Growth

VulnerabilityMatters, #VoiceOverCommunity, #GenerosityInAction, #AuthenticConnections, #VoiceActing, #CommunitySupport, #PersonalGrowth

Rachael Naylor

https://www.instagram.com/rachael.naylor/https://www.instagram.com/the_voiceover_network/

https://www.thevoiceovernetwork.org

discount code: VONFRIENDS

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In this heartwarming episode, Fawn and Matt kick off with a thought-provoking quote from Mark Twain, sparking a lively discussion on travel, self-awareness, and the complexities of friendship. They share personal anecdotes about visiting Mark Twain's house in Connecticut and delve into how travel shapes our perceptions and exposes us to a multitude of experiences. Fawn reflects on a recent encounter with a generous photographer that reignited her passion for photography and highlighted the importance of stepping outside comfort zones. The couple also discuss the emotional ups and downs of making new friends and the vulnerability involved. Their candid conversation is peppered with humor and insights, making for a relatable and inspiring episode.

MarkTwain #TravelDiaries #FriendshipJourney #PersonalGrowth #PhotographyPassion #SelfAwareness #PodcastLife

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We delve into the wisdom of Muhammad Ali, exploring his quote, "It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe." We reflect on how this profound message applies to friendship and personal growth. Join us as we discuss the importance of addressing the small irritants in our relationships, the necessity of true companionship, and how tending to the 'pebbles' in our lives can lead to healthier, more fulfilling connections. Whether you're a fan of Muhammad Ali or seeking to nurture your friendships, this episode offers valuable insights and practical advice.

Friendship, #MuhammadAli, #LifeWisdom, #PersonalGrowth, #ConflictResolution, #SelfCare, #EmotionalHealth, #Respect, #Communication, #Relationships, #PodcastEpisode, #Inspiration

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In this week's episode, Fawn and Matt delve into the complexities of friendship, particularly the challenging experience of friend breakups, navigating breakups, and embracing authenticity. They discuss the emotional aftermath, comparing it to a dog's instinctive shake to detox from trauma. Fawn shares her personal journey of questioning and self-blame, eventually realizing the importance of addressing issues directly. The conversation highlights the dynamics of relationships, including the subtle signs of discomfort and the need for honest communication. The episode emphasizes the value of authenticity in friendships and the courage to let go of toxic connections while staying true to oneself.

#FriendshipDynamics, #EffectiveCommunication, #SettingBoundaries, #PersonalGrowth, #NavigatingChange, #SocialSkills, #ConflictResolution
#FriendshipDynamics, #CommunicationSkills, #NavigatingChange, #HealthyBoundaries

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Fawn and Matt's conversation spans various topics, all tied to the central theme of authenticity and perception. They discuss how life patterns repeat until addressed, the changing nature of sensory experiences, and the subjective nature of perception. They emphasize the importance of being genuine in friendships and relationships, drawing on personal experiences and philosophical insights. Ultimately, they advocate for openness and authenticity as keys to meaningful connections and personal growth.

Authenticity, Friendship, Personal Growth, Perception, Sensory Experiences, Life Patterns, Vulnerability

#Authenticity, #TrueFriendship, #PersonalGrowth, #SelfAwareness, #MindfulLiving, #EmbraceChange, #GenuineConnections

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In this episode of "Our Friendly World," Fawn and Matt delve into Rumi’s timeless poem, “The Guest House,” exploring how it relates to the ebb and flow of human emotions and experiences. Join us as we discuss the importance of welcoming every emotion and experience, even the challenging ones, and how they shape our journey in friendship and life. Fawn shares personal reflections on recent struggles, and the couple reflects on the lessons learned from their wedding chaos, emphasizing the value of steady, reliable friendships. Tune in for an insightful conversation on navigating negativity, finding gratitude in hardship, and honoring every experience as a guide towards personal growth.

We cover Rumi The Guest House, embracing emotions, dealing with negativity, friendship podcast, personal growth, gratitude in hardship, wedding chaos, Our Friendly World podcast, emotional resilience, steady friendships, and life challenges.

PodcastEpisode, #NewEpisode, #Friendship, #Rumi, #TheGuestHouse, #HumanExperience, #LifeLessons, #EmotionalWellness, #PersonalGrowth, #MentalHealth, #Mindfulness, #PositiveThinking, #LifeJourney, #SelfCare, #InspirationalQuotes,

PodcastRecommendations, #PodcastCommunity, #PodcastLovers, #PodcastLife, #PodcastAddict, #PodcastsOfInstagram, #Motivation, #Inspiration, #Healing, #WellBeing, #LifeAdvice, #InnerPeace, #SelfImprovement, #EmotionalHealth

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In this week's conversation, we delve into the complexities of navigating turbulent times, both internally and externally. We use experiences with intuition and guidance, emphasizing the importance of patience, retreating to a safe place inside us, and maintaining faith in the face of uncertainty. We cover the challenges of maintaining friendships amidst conflicts and the value of surrounding ourselves with beauty to find solace. We're quite candid in our exchange and hope it offers a reminder how great it is to cultivate inner peace and resilience amidst life's storms. Our goal is to keep on weathering the waves of change with grace and compassion.

So, if you're looking for some inspiration on how to navigate turbulent times with grace and compassion, hopefully, we can help. Tune in for insights on finding peace amidst life's storms. And remember, folks, be well, take care of yourselves, and keep finding beauty in the world around you. We'll catch you in the next episode!

Please leave a kind review and or subscribe to our podcast to listen weekly to thoughts on the art of friendship.

FriendshipChallenges, #InnerPeace, #Self-Care, #Patience, #Faith, #Guidance, #Resilience

Friendship, #Companionship, #SocialConnections, #BuildingRelationships, #SupportiveNetworks, #Bonding, #Camaraderie

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In our latest episode, we're diving deep into the beautiful dance between friendship and business, all through the lens of Sacred Commerce. It starts with Fawn's chance meeting with Gabe Fletcher, the mastermind behind “The Talkin' Paint Podcast.” From there, we're on a journey celebrating the magic of real connections. We explore eye-opening moments about salesmanship, software development, integrity in what we create, our passions, and life philosophies. We discuss the importance of humility, teamwork, and the bravery to ask for help. And as we soak up the love from supportive communities like podcasting and voice acting, we'll raise a toast to integrity, empathy, and resilience—the backbone of lasting friendships and meaningful ventures. Join us for an uplifting ride as we embrace the endless possibilities of human connection, shaping a kinder, brighter world in both our personal and professional circles.

Please sign up for our podcast to support or show:
https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

#SacredCommerce, #Friendship, #BusinessSuccess, #AuthenticRelationships, #CommunityBuilding, #HumanConnection, #ImpactfulEndeavors

Info about our friend Gabe:

Reach out at https://talkinpaint.com/

Serving the Auto Detailing & Auto Film Industry - Gabe Fletcher, Founder of Detailing Growth Marketing Agency

https://detailinggrowth.com brings first-hand industry knowledge in business development, marketing strategies and growth concepts to the Auto Detailing, Ceramic Coating, Window Tinting & Paint Protection Film Industry. Join their free marketing group on Facebook for more information - https://facebook.com/groups/detailinggrowth/

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Please don't judge us too harshly for this episode. We hope this is not the first time you're listening to us, BECAUSE we were exhausted during this conversation and quite frankly, we don't even know if we got our point across, or if we make any sense. Please forgive us.

But anyway, this week on "Manifestation Dealer," Fawn and Matt explore the pitfalls of modern spirituality and the quest for happiness. They discuss the influence of self-help gurus, the difference between manifestation and visualization, and the importance of genuine connections. Join them as they navigate the complexities of positivity, resilience, and the pursuit of authentic joy in a world filled with mixed messages. Tune in for insightful discussions and practical advice on embracing a mindset of abundance and true friendship.

Friendship, #Authenticity, #Positivity, #Resilience, #Self-help, #Joyful, #GenuineConnections

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Title: Navigating Friendship - The Frog and the Scorpion: Resilience and Perseverance in the Face of Adversity

Discover how to navigate the complexities of friendship with resilience and perseverance. Join Fawn and Matt as they explore the challenges of human relationships, including moments of self-doubt and introspection. Learn valuable insights on maintaining perspective amidst life's ups and downs, and understand the concept of projection in interpersonal dynamics. Dive into candid conversations and reflections to enhance your understanding of friendship and self-esteem preservation.

Friendship, #Resilience, #Perseverance, #HumanRelationships, #Self-doubt, #Introspection, #Projection

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Dive into a candid conversation about the challenges of modern friendship with Fawn and Matt on this week's episode of "Questioning Conversation." As they reflect on the ongoing loneliness epidemic and their own journey in addressing it, Fawn and Matt explore the intricacies of human connection amidst pain and change. Rejecting superficiality, they share personal anecdotes and insights into fostering genuine relationships based on empathy, vulnerability, and compassionate communication. Join them as they navigate through thought-provoking questions, from the impact of loneliness to the essence of successful interpersonal connections. Discover how embracing authenticity and understanding can lead to meaningful friendships in an ever-changing world. Tune in for a refreshing perspective on friendship and connection, filled with humor, honesty, and heartfelt wisdom.

Fawn and Matt navigate through a spectrum of topics, demonstrating how simple yet profound conversations can deepen bonds and enrich lives. Tune in for insightful conversations and practical tips on nurturing authentic connections in an increasingly disconnected world. Because, as they say, every question holds the potential to spark a meaningful connection.

CandidConversation, #ChallengesOfModernFriendship, #LonelinessEpidemic, #HumanConnection, #RejectingSuperficiality, #Empathy, #Vulnerability, #CompassionateCommunication, #Thought-provokingQuestions, #MeaningfulFriendships, #Authenticity, #Understanding, #NurturingConnections, #Ever-changingWorld, #RefreshingPerspective, #Humor, #Honesty, #HeartfeltWisdom, #DeepeningBonds, #EnrichingLives

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In this week's episode, Fawn and Matt delve into the intricacies of friendship amidst pain. Fawn opens up about her recent struggles, highlighting how pain, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, can deeply influence our interactions with others. Drawing parallels between pain and behavior, they explore how pain manifests in subtle cues like body language and tone of voice, affecting our relationships. Reflecting on personal experiences, they emphasize the importance of empathy and vulnerability in fostering meaningful connections. Offering practical insights, they discuss strategies for navigating friendships with grace and understanding, encouraging viewers to adopt a perspective of compassionate detachment. Through candid dialogue and heartfelt anecdotes, Fawn and Matt illuminate the complexities of human connection, inviting listeners to embrace empathy and kindness in their interactions.

Key Themes:

Understanding pain's impact on behavior
Practicing empathy and vulnerability in friendships
Strategies for fostering meaningful connections
Importance of compassionate detachment

Friendship, #Pain, #Empathy, #Vulnerability, #HumanConnection, #Relationships, #CompassionateDetachment, #Emotional Resilience, #MeaningfulConnections, #Understanding Behavior, #FriendshipDynamics, #InterpersonalCommunication, #SupportiveRelationships, #NavigatingFriendshipChallenges, #BuildingTrust

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In this week's episode of "Perfect Days," Fawn and Matt dive into the importance of rituals and routines in finding happiness and deepening friendships. Inspired by a Japanese film titled "Perfect Days," the hosts explore how the protagonist's daily routines bring him peace and fulfillment, despite the mundanity of his tasks. They discuss how too many choices can lead to analysis paralysis, emphasizing the value of simplicity and shared experiences in fostering intimacy and connection with others. Through anecdotes and personal reflections, they highlight the significance of finding rituals that bring joy and meaning to everyday life. Tune in to discover the beauty in embracing rituals and the impact they can have on your happiness and relationships.

FriendshipGoals #RitualsOfFriendship #DeepeningConnections #HappinessThroughRituals #SimpleJoys #IntimateMoments #EmbracingRituals #MeaningfulConnections #EverydayHappiness #FindingJoy

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In this week's podcast episode, Fawn and Matt explore the concept of the "Enchanted Stranger" and how every encounter in life, no matter how brief, has the power to influence and shape us. Reflecting on a recent encounter with a lost stranger, Fawn shares her journey of moving past past trauma to approach interactions with love and appreciation. They discuss the importance of self-love as the foundation for extending kindness and understanding to others, even in challenging situations. Join them as they delve into the power of embracing each encounter with an open heart and the transformative impact it can have on our lives.

EnchantedStranger, #EmbracingEachEncounter, #TransformativeImpact, #PowerOfEmbracing, #ImportanceOfSelf-Love, #HonoringAndAppreciatingOurselves, #MovingPastTrauma

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This week's episode of "Our Friendly World" delves into the concept of "hostage friends" - those relationships that may feel forced or obligatory due to shared circumstances, such as working together or attending the same school. Fawn and Matt reflect on their experiences living on an isolated island and forming friendships primarily with people they interacted with at the local grocery store. They explore the dynamics of these relationships, questioning whether they were genuine friendships or merely a result of convenience and circumstance.
They discuss the importance of seeking out true friendships based on mutual connection and genuine interest rather than settling for relationships that feel obligatory or one-sided. They emphasize the significance of being objective and neutral in assessing friendships, avoiding the pitfalls of emotional attachment and desire for validation.
Overall, the episode encourages listeners to examine the nature of their friendships and pursue authentic connections that bring joy and fulfillment.

FriendshipMovement, #IslandLiving, #PlatonicFriendships, #TrueFriendship, #NegativeThinking, #FriendshipEtymology, #ClassIssues, #SpiritualityOfFriendship, #ManifestingFriendship, #CaptiveFriendships, #ObjectiveFriendship, #FindingTrueFriends, #FriendshipJourney, #MomentumInFriendship, #WorkFriends, #SchoolFriends, #FriendshipTips, #EtymologyExploration, #ConsciousFriendship, #DesireForTrueFriends

Title: The Hostage Friend

Introduction

A. Fawn and Matt discuss their experience living on an island in Washington state

B. Feeling isolated and the origins of their friendship movement 2. Movie Night Plot Holes

A. Fawn and Matt's discussion about watching "The Grand Tour" and finding plot holes

B. Suspend disbelief and the challenges of ignoring plot inconsistencies 3. Island Life and Limited Interactions

A. Living on the island and limited social interactions

B. Main interactions with the town and country market and the Blackbird Coffee Shop

C. Development of friendships with people working at the grocery store 4. The Concept of Hostage Friends

A. Fawn's realization that their main friends were from the grocery store

B. Exploring the idea of "hostage friends" and the obligation to be friendly

C. Fawn's experiences of racial tension during Obama's election 5. Etymology of "Hostage" and "Host"

A. Exploring the etymology of the word "hostage" and its connection to "host"

B. Discussion on the meaning of hospitality and ties of friendship 6. Friendships and Class Issues

A. Matt's perspective on potential class issues in their friendships

B. Fawn's reflection on belonging to a certain class 7. True Friendship and Conscious Intentions

A. Emphasizing the importance of seeking true friendship

B. Putting intentions out into the universe and engaging in activities to meet like-minded individuals 8. Conclusion

A. Fawn's personal experiences and the impact on her perspective

B. Encouraging listeners to take an unbiased and objective approach to evaluating friendships

C. Expressing love and gratitude to the listeners

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This episode explores the concept of compartmentalization and its effects on daily life, relationships, and emotional well-being. Fawn and Matt discuss the importance of daily cleaning, both literal and metaphorical, to prevent emotional clutter from accumulating and impacting mental health. They share personal experiences, including traumatic events and coping mechanisms, to illustrate the significance of addressing emotions as they arise rather than storing them away. The conversation emphasizes the value of vulnerability, communication, and self-care in maintaining healthy relationships and fostering personal growth. Overall, the episode offers insights into navigating life's challenges while striving for emotional balance and connection.

Compartmentalization, #Emotional Well-Being, #DailyCleaning, #RelationshipMaintenance, #CopingMechanisms, #Vulnerability, #Self-Care, #EmotionalSpringCleaning, #NavigatingFriendships, #TraumaAndRelationships, #VulnerabilityInFriendships, #Self-CareForEmotionalWell-Being, #DailyCleaningForMental Health, #CompartmentalizationAndRelationships, #HealthyRelationshipMaintenance, #PersonalGrowthThroughEmotionalBalance

I. Introduction

A. Opening conversation about cleaning and its significance in various contexts

B. Reference to martial arts school tradition and religious practices

II. Personal Experiences with Cleaning

A. Fawn's daily cleaning routine and its connection to managing clutter

B. Discussion on the importance of addressing emotions as they arise

C. Matt's perspective on compartmentalization and the need for in-the-moment coping

III. Compartmentalization and Cleaning Metaphor

A. Definition and explanation of compartmentalization

B. Comparison of emotional storage to physical clutter in the home

C. Analogy of emotions as "toddlers" seeking attention

IV. Impact of Compartmentalization on Relationships

A. Personal stories of dealing with trauma and the subsequent emotional challenges

B. Discussion on the concept of capacity in friendships and relationships

C. Reflection on the role of compartmentalization in facing life-threatening health crises

V. Importance of Daily Emotional Cleaning

A. Fawn's realization prompted by Farnoosh's perspective on daily cleaning

B. Metaphor of emotional cleaning as a way to create space for positive experiences

C. Mention of yoga philosophy and the idea of hoarding emotions

VI. Practical Tips for Emotional Maintenance

A. Fawn's suggestion of the 90-second rule for processing emotions

B. Matt's emphasis on finding personal time for reflection and emotional release

C. The importance of communication and vulnerability in maintaining healthy relationships

VII. Closing Thoughts

A. Acknowledgment of the ongoing challenge of emotional maintenance

B. Reminder of the benefits of regular emotional cleaning for personal growth and well-being

C. Encouragement to embrace vulnerability, communicate openly, and prioritize self-care

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In this week's podcast episode, Fawn and Matt discuss their experience taking the Big Five Personality Test, also known as the OCEAN test, which assesses openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Fawn expresses her disdain for tests, while Matt explains the significance of understanding these personality dimensions in the context of friendships and relationships. They analyze their own test results and discuss how these traits manifest in their interactions with each other and with friends. The conversation delves into the complexities of personality dynamics and the importance of empathy and understanding in fostering meaningful connections. Overall, they emphasize the value of recognizing and respecting differences in personality while navigating friendships.

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In this week's episode, Fawn and Matt discuss the concept of the "Orange Peel Theory" as a way to gauge the strength of relationships. They delve into the importance of small gestures, genuine empathy, and maintaining balance in friendships. Through anecdotes and reflections, they explore the dynamics of emotional intelligence and the value of authenticity in interactions. Ultimately, they emphasize the significance of understanding and nurturing relationships with care and sincerity.

Join us in bringing back the art of friendship and transforming our society for the better. Click the subscribe button on our website:https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/AND...Have a BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY! And if you are able, please donate by buying us a cup of coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

OrangePeelTheory, #FriendshipStrength, #RelationshipGauge, #EmotionalIntelligenceTest, #MicroGestures, #FavorsInRelationships, #AuthenticityInFriendships, #TheOrangePeelTest, #TheArtOfFriendship, #FriendshipPodcast

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In this week's episode, Fawn delves into the complexities of popularity and authenticity. She reflects on the societal pressure to conform to popular standards, observing how some individuals prioritize appearing popular over genuine connection and well-being. Drawing from personal experiences and societal observations, Fawn highlights the dangers of sacrificing authenticity for popularity, emphasizing the importance of being true to oneself and respecting others' boundaries. Fawn and Matt, navigate through discussions on societal norms, labeling, and the power of words, advocating for presence, respect, and authenticity in all interactions. As they explore the nuances of friendship and societal expectations, Fawn's impassioned reflections offer insights into fostering meaningful connections and embracing individuality in a world often consumed by the pursuit of popularity.

#AuthenticLiving, #FriendshipMatters, #RealTalk, #SocietyReflections, #PopularVsAuthentic, #ConsciousCommunication, #ParentingChallenges

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This week's episode delves into the importance of joy in life, especially during challenging times, exploring the significance of creating art or engaging in creative activities every day to maintain balance and counteracting negative thoughts. The episode emphasizes the transformative power of joy, even in the face of hardship, and encourages listeners to embrace and prioritize joy in their lives. Fawn and Matt, share personal experiences and discuss a seven-day program called "Big Joy" based on a citizen science project at UC Berkeley, designed to increase emotional well-being and cultivating joy.

The big reminder: JOY, especially in times of hardship, when times are hard, guy, when there's so much sorrow, when things are scary, you need joy. Joy is our life force.

Do not feel guilty about experiencing joy. You need to. It is a necessity. It is a life force.

TheArtOfFriendship, #OurFriendlyWorld, #TheArtOfJoy, #JoyChallenge, #BigJoy, #GreaterGoodScience, #UCBerkeleyJoyProject, #DailyJoyCreation, #EmbracingJoy, #WellBeingJourney, #ShiftYourPerspective, #GratitudePractice

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This week on Our Friendly World, Fawn and Matt explore the theme of overcoming the judgments and opinions of others, with a focus on the importance of letting go and not trying to prove oneself to everyone. Fawn reflects on a play she created with a single word, "okay," as a response to critics. The episode emphasizes the message of finding peace in being true to oneself and not seeking validation from others.

This week's podcast episode delves into Fawn's experiences studying in England with American professors, particularly in a literature and creative writing course. Faced with challenges and criticism from professors and an art editor, Fawn shares the story of how she overcame judgments and negative perceptions. The episode explores the theme of not letting others' opinions define you, featuring a play Fawn wrote with just one word: "Okay." The narrative highlights the importance of finding peace within oneself and not constantly seeking validation from others.

CreativeWriting, #Photography, #ArtCritics, #OvercomingChallenges, #SelfValidation, #Okay, #LifeLessons, #LetItGo, #PeerSupport, #OK, #Friendship, #LifeLessons

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Fawn and Matt are joined by Barry Lane as they delve into the challenges of asking questions, sharing personal experiences and insights. They discuss the impact of questions on relationships, the nuances of questioning, and the power of open-ended inquiries. Barry Lane emphasizes the importance of finding questions that help people discover themselves and shares anecdotes about the effectiveness of such questions. The episode also touches on the media's role in framing questions and the potential for more meaningful conversations by focusing on problem-solving rather than conflict.

storytelling, #ConversationalSkills, #AskingQuestions #CommunicationTechniques, #authenticity, #MindfulnessInCommunication, #DeepListening, #UnderstandingOthers

To reach Barry Lane:

https://forcefieldforgood.com/

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In this thought-provoking episode, Fawn and Matt engage in a deep conversation with their guest, Ali Cheff. They delve into the meaning of 'clown' - not just in the traditional sense of humor and entertainment, but also as a metaphor for letting go of ego, embracing vulnerability, and the power of really seeing and hearing others. They also discuss the concept of being 'Down to Clown', essentially being open to laugh at oneself, acknowledging one's strengths and weaknesses and to not take oneself too seriously. Through instances of personal experiences and introspection, they explore the importance of community, connection, and conversation.

clown, #HumanitarianClowning, #community, #friendship, #connection, #compassion, #conversation #DownToClown #TheArtOfFriendship

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In this week's podcast episode, Fawn and Matt explore the concept of transient friendships. They debate the impact of a digital footprint on personal growth and societal expectations. What are the potential benefits of getting lost in life and the value of constantly making new friends? Overall, the episode delves into the balance between the permanence and transience of friendships in today's society. The episode concludes with a reflection on the transient nature of life and the benefits of embracing new experiences and friendships.

#TranscendExperience #MakeNewFriends #EmbraceTransience #LifeIsTransient #FriendshipJourney #GetLostAndFound #SmallWorldStories #AuthenticLiving #ForgetInternetJudgment #LiveInTheMoment

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Whether it's a lifelong friend or a stranger with a momentary message, miraculous friends can appear in our lives to offer support, love, or guidance when we least expect it. Openness to these moments and an awareness of the potential for miracles can enrich our lives and connections with others.

MiraculousFriend #FriendshipMagic #UnexpectedConnections #OpenToMiracles #EverydayMiracles #GratitudeJourney #RandomActsofKindness #UnveilingMiracles #FriendshipEncounters #LifeSurprises

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Fawn and Matt explore the dichotomy between individualism and collectivism, discussing cultural influences, and how media shapes our thoughts. They touch on examples like rice farmers vs. wheat farmers, geographic mindsets, and the importance of understanding diverse perspectives in friendships. The conversation reflects on personal biases and the need for open-mindedness in navigating societal divisions.

IndividualismVsCollectivism #CulturalInfluences #MediaBias #PerspectiveShift #OpenMindedness #SocietalDivisions #MindsetMatters #DiversePerspectives #PodcastDiscussion #SocialThoughts #BiasAwareness

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Fast vs Slow - The art of friendship involves understanding and working with various rhythms.

This week, Fawn and Matt are unraveling the intricate art of relationships, and the kaleidoscope-like complexity of humanity. Their conversation touches on the intricacies of processing information, the dynamics of communication in friendships, the balance between individuality and collective success, and the ever-evolving nature of human relationships.

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In this week's podcast episode, Fawn and Matt delve into the pitfalls of relying on clichéd responses in conversations. Fawn shares a personal experience at a museum that left her feeling regretful. The hosts explore the notion of missed opportunities for meaningful dialogue when social norms and clichés take precedence over authentic communication. They discuss the importance of moving past initial awkward moments to maintain a genuine connection and understanding. The episode serves as a reflection on the art of friendship and the impact of sincere conversations.

SafetyNetConversations, #FriendshipHarm, #MeaningfulDialogues, #PureConnections, #Misunderstandings, #BreakALegMoments, #AuthenticConversations, #ArtOfFriendship, #GraciousNature, #ThankYouForYourService, #OpportunitiesForDialogue, #ClichedResponses, #InsecurityIssues, #SocialAwkwardness, #PureFriendship

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In this podcast episode, Fawn, Matt, and their kids discuss the allure of horror movies. Fawn expresses her lack of interest in horror due to the world's existing stress and prefers romantic comedies. The conversation delves into why people, especially the younger generation, find enjoyment in horror. They debate if horror serves as a distraction or a reflection of inner emotions, discussing the psychology behind the attraction to frightening films. The hosts explore how horror movies create shared experiences, fostering camaraderie and stimulating discussions about decision-making within these films. They draw parallels between classic literature and fairy tales, often cautionary in nature, and analyze the societal impact of these narratives. Ultimately, they contemplate whether horror movies, despite their unsettling nature, foster connections and discussions among viewers, similar to other shared experiences in life.

#HorrorDiscussion, #SharedExperiences, #HorrorBonding, #CamaraderieThroughFear, #HorrorAndFriendship, #HorrorMovieLovers, #PsychologicalHorror, #FrightPerspective, #HorrorCommunity, #HorrorTherapy, #HorrorClassics, #HorrorFandom, #HorrorDebate, #HorrorGenre, #FearAndFun, #HorrorAndSociety, #HorrorExperience, #MovieTalk, #AdrenalineRush

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This week, we explore the difference between being nice and being kind and why there seems to be a disparity. In relation, Fawn points out and explains her theory of what she calls “The Introductory Phase” within our relationships and how this is the reason for the divide and the lack of connection our society is experiencing.

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This podcast episode delves into personal experiences with prejudice and discrimination, discussing the emotional impact and strategies for coping. Fawn recounts encountering prejudice in a new group, reflecting on the pain, shame, and feelings of being disregarded or unseen due to racism. The episode outlines steps to address such emotions, emphasizing acknowledging pain, accepting grief, seeking support, and nurturing oneself physically and emotionally. Fawn shares a transformative shift in perspective by communicating her desires to the universe, leading to a change in how she perceives the situation, ultimately aiming for a harmonious experience.

Please tell everyone you can about our efforts in bringing back the art of friendship and transforming our society for the better. Click the subscribe button on our website:https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/AND...Have a BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY! And if you are able, please donate by buying us a cup of coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

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In this episode of “Our Friendly World with Fawn and Matt,” hosts Fawn and Matt explore the concept of superstitions and how they can be traced back to ancient practices for protection. They dive into the whimsical world of superstitions and friendships. Fawn and Matt reflect on childhood beliefs, from knocking on wood to saying "bless you," intertwining these practices with the essence of friendship. As chaos swirls around, they unravel how friendships often evolve from shared anxieties and grow into something deeper, emphasizing the need to uplift each other and embrace the quirks that make friendships beautiful. In a conversation peppered with laughter and insights, they encourage listeners to lead with joy and be unapologetically themselves, being “down to clown” as they navigate life's adventures together.

Superstitions, #Friendship, #Chaos, #Anxiety, #Quirks, #Upliftment, #Joy, #Podcast, #ChildhoodBeliefs, #Laughter, #Insights, #Adventure, #Embrace, #Reflection, #Whimsical, #SharedExperiences, #OurFriendlyWorld, #Authenticity

Please tell everyone you can about our efforts in bringing back the art of friendship and transforming our society for the better. Click the subscribe button on our website:https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/AND...Havea BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY! And if you are able, please donate by buying us a cup of coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

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Fawn and Matt discuss an article titled "Orientation Towards the Common Good in Cities: The Role of Individual Urban Mobility Behavior." They touch on the idea that cyclists, due to their vulnerability on the road, may have a stronger emotional bond to their neighborhoods and exhibit less individualistic behavior compared to drivers. They explore the impact of urban mobility on social interactions, highlighting how the pace of modern life, particularly in cities like Los Angeles, may contribute to a lack of community connection and increased individualism. The conversation also delves into the broader theme of slowing down, finding balance, and the potential benefits of reducing the reliance on cars for a happier and friendlier society.

NeedForSpeed, #UrbanMobilityBehavior, #ArtOfFriendship, #Community, #friendshipChangesTheWorld, #SlowDown!

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The universe has this nasty habit of expanding and contracting. And so at some point, the universe, everything that we know, everything that we live in, it'll all be in this giant mass of stuff. Well, what if that's a heartbeat, or a breath, or a, of something else?

In this episode, we define Quantum Entanglement and talk about the Schumann Resonance and how it all relates to what we're all going through on the planet right now.

#SantaMonica, #QuantumEntanglement, #SchumannResonance, #FalseIdols, #artoffriendship

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**Like friends that are totally different from one another, coexisting through their different personalities and creating a healthy relationship with different perspectives, so too can joy and grief be friends in the same way.

This week we ask how we marry joy with hard times, what happiness versus joy really is.

We may feel there isn't a tie between joy and grief.

The definition of JOY is: Rejoice, to rejoice, comes from rejoice, to come together, What does rejoice really mean? To rejoice in something. To come together. You're not separate. So why should we separate joy from the rest of life?

We also discuss the pendulum effect, where things should have been balanced all
along but because it wasn't, we need, or society then provides, zeitgeist maybe just provides this kind of hard lesson one way and then a swing back and then a swing the other way and a swing back until it eventually lands somewhere in the middle.**

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A murmur is when hundreds or thousands of starlings flock together and create swooping swirling patterns in the sky. We've all seen it, you know, like all of a sudden, you look up because you hear something in the sky. You see just so many of them flying and they're in unison. They're in perfect harmony and synchronicity.

**You can see them flying and roosting together. And each roost has a few thousand to several million birds. They may fly over, a 12-mile area, looking for their home. And then other birds can sometimes join them, like join the ride. Ha ha.

And then, when they arrive, it's like, they announce themselves through a murmur, those shapes that they create as they fly together.

And when you look at it, they create shapes that we know. Like, I've seen some videos of them, over an ocean, and they're flying in the sky, and they're going from here to there, they're swirling, they separate, they come back together.

Like water and then they turn into something that looks like a whale for a second or two seconds sometimes they come together and they look like one massive bird with wings and a beak and everything. It's outrageous It's amazing that the collective works together like that and aren't we the same?

We're all a part of that. So what are we doing together? What are we creating?
There's a message to learn from the starling and the murmur: while things look dark, hold tight and keep the faith. You have the support of outstanding people who will get you through.**

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Every person is like a work of art.

**Fawn has a not-so-friendly trip to a museum and experiences #artrage and goes to a totally different museum and experiences LOVE and INSPIRATION. Whatever we do in life can be a way to help one another, it's about helping one another. It's about human connection. It's about love. It's about supporting one another. It's about community.

Bringing it back to the art of friendship, institutions, businesses, people, animals, everything creates a ripple effect and creates a whole new world. Let's look at the people, and the institutions, and see how they contribute to the ripple. #MoMA #EricCarleMuseum #artrage, #rippleeffects, #artodfriendship**

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Dr. Cathia Walters joins us again to discuss how we hear each other. What happens when individuals or groups of people observe different experiences, and realities, even just hearing things or seeing things? How can we communicate with each other when we all have different perspectives?

#MandelaEffect, #RealityBubbles, #Dr.CathiaWalters, #Communication

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Dealing with change can make us all anxious. During a time of transition, everyone is experiencing a little bit of trepidation, a little bit of wondering what's going to happen. This is the perfect time to remind each other that it's going to be okay. Appreciate this time. Don't fret about anything. Appreciate what's in front of you right now. If there's a problem, know that it's happening for the best, and listen to these ten things that may help.

#Anxious, #anxiousness, #theArtOfFriendship, #transitioningThroughLife

Please tell everyone you can about our efforts in bringing back the art of friendship and transforming our society for the better. Click the subscribe button on our website:https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/AND...Havea BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY! And if you are able, please donate by buying us a cup of coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

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When we think of integrity, we think of the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles, blah, blah, blah. But it also tends to go towards the division; “I have integrity. You don't, I believe in such and such, and you don't. Therefore you don't have integrity.”

This week we look at the deeper meaning of integrity and how the art of friendship plays a role in shaping our society. The other meaning, the etymology of integrity is a state of being whole, undivided, a state of being whole and undivided, the condition of being unified, unimpaired. The
The adjective form of integrity is integer, integral, complete, perfect, intact, untouched.

We ask who benefits from a divided community and who benefits from this kind of thing. Let's look at how we can be whole and undivided as people.

Thoughts? Click the microphone icon on https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/ and leave us a kind voice message. Please tell everyone you can about our efforts in bringing back the art of friendship and transforming our society for the better. Click the subscribe button on our website:https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/AND...Have a BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY! And if you are able, please donate by buying us a cup of coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

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**Within you, there is a stillness and sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself. - Herman Hess

Even in stillness, there is movement. Sometimes it takes time for the molecules of change to shift form. Even when it feels like nothing is happening, transformation is taking place. -Anonymous

To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders. - LAO TZU

There is an art of being still that totally lets the person know you are here with them, you are present, you're loving them, you're embracing them without physically touching them. There's an art to that, and it's quite simple. You just have to be still hold your own and look at the person and see them and listen to them, and I think people are so afraid of what happens to the in-between that they'll just keep running; running their mouths or running away one thing after another.

It runs the gamut. And there are points in time where it's good to be still and there are points in time where it isn't. And that's just it. We can literally pick and choose those moments and we should pick and choose those moments and to take us all the way back to being still as being a good thing. Not only does it help rechannel our energy and give us more connectedness to ourselves, but it also allows us to better connect to others.**

Please tell everyone you can about our efforts in bringing back the art of friendship and transforming our society for the better. Click the subscribe button on our website:https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/AND...Havea BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY! And if you are able, please donate by buying us a cup of coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

ZenKoan, #Thomas Merton, #MountBaldyZenCenterSouthernCalifornia,

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You are the 100% owner of your life ie: your time. This is your time. Spend it, invest it, bend it, enjoy it how you wish, with whom you wish.

I'm purposely using the word invest because people are so freaked out about wasting time and I think that it's wrong. I think we should through caution to the wind and waste some time. Let's be so stupid rich with time that we can waste some time. And what does it mean to waste time?

This week we discuss the guilt that we feel when we're not being “PRODUCTIVE”. What does productive really mean, and who made up the definition of what “productive” is in life?

You can go anywhere you choose, you can reroute your whole life. Think about your time. It's your life and as long as you are breathing, you have the currency.

How generous are we with our lives? Being fully present is a big deal. Devoting ourselves, i e, our time to one another, our attention, being in a state of stillness can create a moment where you feel more powerful. And in that moment, time expands for you. Let's harness that and let's live richly.

**Please tell everyone you can about our efforts in bringing back the art of friendship and transforming our society for the better. Click the subscribe button on our website:https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/AND...Have a BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY! And if you are able, please donate by buying us a cup of coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

ContextShifting #WastingTime #BeingProductive #LiveRichly**

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Let's shift towards authenticity, meaningful connections, self-expression, and finding joy in both personal and professional aspects of life!

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Did you know that people who consider themselves lucky are more likely to be extroverted?

As we look to emphasize personal growth and empowerment while also touching on themes of luck and manifestation, we explore how we can look at luck in our lives and explore ways to attract positive outcomes.

How can we unlock good fortune? How can a positive or in some cases a neutral mindset and social connections impact luck? Fawn and Matt explore how a positive attitude, new connections, and genuine smiles shape success.

Please tell everyone you can about our efforts in bringing back the art of friendship and transforming our society for the better. Click the subscribe button on our website:https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/AND...Have a BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY! And if you are able, please donate by buying us a cup of coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

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As we start thinking about friends, teams, and teammates we should strive for a team/community/friendships that espouse the whole concept of a rising tide lifts all ships.
A rising tide lifts all ships. We look at the kinds of people that we should surround ourselves with and look at 5 kinds of people in particular.

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This is a time when it's extra important to stay optimistic and filled with faith.
Enjoy and appreciate the small successes and recognize that they add up to the big ones. So the successes add up to the big ones. The more you stay centered in gratitude, the more positive opportunities will come your way. But most importantly, this is a time when it's extra important to stay optimistic.

Barry Lane joins us and teaches us how not to stress out about money and talks about living for the soul's benefit while living large. He tells us about a philosopher called Émile Durkheim, how capitalism atomizes people, how people can be little atoms that can't connect with each other, how they're separated by their own little pursuits for their own private lives and nests they try to build and competing against all the other nests and how this makes people suicidal. All this stems from a lack of community.

Barry gives us tools to thrive through all of this and teaches us how to create community with two words!

BarryLane, #HowtoNotStressAboutMoney, #ÉmileDurkheim, #community, #theartoffriendship, #theartofcommunity

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**Have you ever found that you thought you were just kind of bebopping through and just doing your own thing, and then all of a sudden you discover that one of the frameworks that you have, even for communication, you're totally stealing from somewhere else?

If you really think about it, how is a conversation, not improv? How is hanging out with your friends not dissimilar from an improv show? In this episode, we go through the rules that exist in improv and relate them specifically to having good friendships. We also discuss the seven deadly sins of improv and what not to do inside our friendships.**

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This episode takes us on the journey of discovering why we don't talk about certain things, why we don't talk, period, why we don't expose what we're going through, and why we don't share what we've been through. How did we reach this point in our culture that there is no village, that there is not a space where we can hold one another and hear each other's stories?

AND...Have a BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY! And if you are able, please donate by buying us a cup of coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

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The word and the topic of this week's episode are desiderata, a plural noun with a singular form. Desideratum means things wanted or needed.

Desiderata is a famous poem written by an American poet, and lawyer Max Ehrmann in 1927.
There's such an immediacy to this poem even though it was written back in the 1920s. Even though it was written hundred years ago, it still feels fresh and it is what we all need to hear RIGHT NOW.**

Please tell everyone you can about our efforts in bringing back the art of friendship and transforming our society for the better. Click the subscribe button on ourwebsite:https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/
AND...Have a BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY! And if you are able, please donate (what you can) by buying us a cup of coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

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**Don't take the bait. What bait is and how to handle bait is our topic for this week.

Fawn shares advice from her wonderful friend Kathy and finds more information along the same subject from an article written by Lauren Sanders “ Don't Take the Bait. Seven Strategies for Dealing With Toxic People.”**

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Truth is relative and it's based on our experience. The story we tell ourselves is based on what is happening. We all have a history. We have our family of origins, there's the family interjects, what we learn from those around us, including society, etc. Dr Cathia Walters walks us through schemas (the way we frame the world based on core beliefs) and how to shift our narrative. This is how life feels better and our relationships improve. LOVE THESE SESSIONS with our Dr. C!!!!!!!

#ChangingOurNarratives, #DrCathiaWalters, #Phsychology, #TransformingOurStories, #ChangingOurStories, #Schemas

Socials and Web for Walters Wellness Group / Dr. Cathia Walters:https://www.instagram.com/walterswellnessgroup_/https://www.facebook.com/WaltersWellnessGrouphttps://www.linkedin.com Dr. Cathia Walters (Dr. C) is an educator, psychologist, relationship coach, and the founder of the Walters Wellness Group in California's San Francisco Bay area.
Through the Walters Wellness Group, Dr. C provides support groups, courses (online and in-person), workshops and community events on a variety of healing-related topics. Her courses like Managing Life Challenges course, Black Women's Support Group, and Healing Trauma program have served hundreds of individuals in healing and personal growth. Dr. C's work focuses on compassion in healing and incorporates movement into the healing journey.
Dr. C designs and hosts annual retreats for Black women in Runaway Bay, Jamaica, a biannual retreat for Black couples in Lake Tahoe, California, and a retreat for managing trauma in Costa Rica. Dr. C also provides training and hosts webinars and workshops on a variety of healing and health-related topics for companies and organizations.
As a Black woman, Dr. Walters considers self-care a radical act that begins with the relationship one forms with oneself.

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**For today's topic, we wanted to pass along something to you that was passed onto us; something wise from the mentor, the original mentor of friendship, Santa Monica.

We have found that one of those humongous things that hurt people is that at some point they forget how to play. And you know what? Playing is creativity. It's experimentation, it's screwing up, it's finding something awesome in the middle of chaos. It's a brave thing to do (to play) also because you're using your imagination. You're laughing in the face of fear. You're laughing in the face of some major constraints in front of you and you're basically saying, haha, I'm going to defy gravity. But that also gets us back to the whole topic today: worrying.**

**This topic is twofold. One is worrying, but one is also what we do for each other as friends. We get into the etymology of worry (you will not believe the original meaning of this word!!!!).

Our point is that together, one by one, create what we do want, create a sense of security, and create security period! We can help each other out, and create our own utopias! it's very much possible in an instant. Because we're not alone. We're here together and we are all talented in so many ways. And when we pull our friendship together, meaning we pull our resources together, we have a beautiful society.**

So, don't worry, be happy. Because you have a friend in me. Please tell everyone you can about our efforts in bringing back the art of friendship and transforming our society for the better. Click the subscribe button on our website:
https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

AND...Have a BEAUTIFUL EVERY DAY!

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**When we're talking or when we're not talking, why do we yell at each other? What is the point of yelling? What does it really mean when we resort to yelling? Why do we yell when we're upset and what is really behind it all? This is what we explore this week as well as the art of the empty jacket.

Aikido, #Judo**

Pick up a free copy of Fawn's workbook on making friendshttps://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/CALLTO ACTION: SHARE OUR PODCAST WITH OTHERS

DISCLAIMER: This Podcast and all related content [published or distributed by or on behalf of Fawn Anderson and Matthew Anderson or Ourfriendlyworld.com] is for informational purposes only and may include information that is general in nature and that is not specific to you. Any information or opinions expressed or contained herein are not intended to serve as or replace medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe or treat any disease, condition, illness or injury, and you should consult the health care professional of your choice regarding all matters concerning your health, including before beginning any exercise, weight loss, or health care program. If you have, or suspect you may have, a health-care emergency, please contact a qualified health care professional for treatment. Any information or opinions provided by guest experts or hosts featured within website or on Company’s Podcast are their own; not those of Fawn Anderson and Matthew Anderson or the Company. Accordingly, Fawn Anderson and Matthew Anderson and the Company cannot be responsible for any results or consequences or actions you may take based on such information or opinions.

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Dr. Walters is back to teach us about Radical Acceptance - how does it play into our life choices, finances, career, and relationships? We discuss how to separate our thoughts from our feelings, how to cultivate self-worth, how to deal with rejection, and soooooooo much more!

Socials and Web for Walters Wellness Group / Dr. Cathia Walters:

https://www.instagram.com/walterswellnessgroup_/

https://www.facebook.com/WaltersWellnessGroup

https://www.linkedin.com

Dr. Cathia Walters (Dr. C) is an educator, psychologist, relationship coach, and the founder of the Walters Wellness Group in California's San Francisco Bay area.

Through the Walters Wellness Group, Dr. C provides support groups, courses (online and in-person), workshops and community events on a variety of healing-related topics. Her courses like Managing Life Challenges course, Black Women's Support Group, and Healing Trauma program have served hundreds of individuals in healing and personal growth. Dr. C's work focuses on compassion in healing and incorporates movement into the healing journey.

Dr. C designs and hosts annual retreats for Black women in Runaway Bay, Jamaica, a biannual retreat for Black couples in Lake Tahoe, California, and a retreat for managing trauma in Costa Rica. Dr. C also provides training and hosts webinars and workshops on a variety of healing and health-related topics for companies and organizations.

As a Black woman, Dr. Walters considers self-care a radical act that begins with the relationship one forms with oneself.

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The simple things are the most profound - things that go unnoticed. To notice the spectacular takes a special eye, a special awareness, a special sense of wisdom and appreciation. Someone who has the ability to spot something that's a diamond that may not be polished at Tiffany's who says Wow! Look at that spectacular jewel. Let's be the people who can see the extraordinary in the ordinary. And that goes in finding friendships.

Thank you to the people who are so wildly perceptive that they can recognize in you the magic that you are. That we are. Thank you. You are the best friends.

And thank you to all the people who we come across who remind us of this stuff.

HankWessel, #GeorgiaO'Keefe, #F.ScottFitzgerald, #TaoTeChingOfFriendship, ParentsTaoTeChing, #TheMarvelousMrsMaisel, #signsthathelpus

Pick up a free copy of Fawn's workbook on making friends
https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/
CALL TO ACTION: SHARE OUR PODCAST WITH OTHERS

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There are messages everywhere you guys! It's funny how messages will come to you. They come in the wildest ways and they come just right when you need them. So the message today is, don't worry, it's going to be okay. It will all work out okay. This week, we get the message from a few sources and one of them is from our friends in Iceland. No matter how big the problem, no matter how big the problem a solution, a solution will always present itself. It will fix itself.

Pick up a free copy of Fawn's workbook on making friends

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

CALL TO ACTION: SHARE OUR PODCAST WITH OTHERS
#BobbyMcFaren, #Yo-YoMa, #MichaelSandlerInspireNation, #Iceland, #Icelandicphrase

“þetta reddast” - Saying of Iceland (Icland's Motto to Live By) TRANSCRIPT

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Step-by-step guide on how to argue well in a friendship, to keep the friendship alive - and also how the turning point comes to be a deal breaker and ends the friendship.

Thank you to our BEAUTIFUL and TALENTED friend, Michelle Sillence (an awesome Voice Actor) who brought up this very important topic.

Pick up a free copy of Fawn's workbook on making friendshttps://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/CALL TO ACTION: PLEASE SHARE OUR PODCAST WITH OTHERS #HowToKnowIfAFriendshipIsHopeless, #respect, #Apologia.

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If I can reiterate the whole reason why we're here, it is to prove, to show, that we are not alone. You are not alone. Sometimes life is an absurdity, that's when you cross over into the realm of absurdity, and all you can do is just laugh at it and that's it. Sometimes everything can suck, BUT it won't always suck. YOU CAN MOVE THROUGH IT! The “sucky” times wil not last!

Things will get better.

Pick up a free copy of Fawn's workbook on making friends

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

CALLTO ACTION: PLEASE SHARE OUR PODCAST WITH OTHERS

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Today we welcome our most honored guest, Dr. Cathia Walters who shows us how we see ourselves, how we see others, how we see the world, what makes something traumatic, how to have self-compassion, how trauma shows up in our lives, how trauma shows up in society, and how to navigate through it all.

What is trauma anyway? How can our various traumas be breaking or making our relationships with ourselves, with the people in our lives, and with the world around us?

You will love your new friend, Dr. C, and will feel the beauty and calm of her teachings. We love this episode.

**#TraumaticExperiences, #SelfCompassion, #Acceptance #compassion, #PaulGilbert, #BigT, #LittleT, #TheArtOfSelfLove, #triad, #RelationshipsBeginWithYou.

Socials and Web for Walters Wellness Group / Dr. Cathia Walters:**

Instagram
Facebook
LinkedIn
Website
Psychology Today Profile

Dr. Cathia Walters (Dr. C) is an educator, psychologist, relationship coach, and the founder of the Walters Wellness Group in California's San Francisco Bay area.

As a Black woman, Dr. Walters considers self-care a radical act that begins with the relationship one forms with oneself.

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As life happens, everybody fights, everybody argues everybody has a bad day. It's like people don't allow each other to flex and expand and contract. Oftentimes we get so focused and like we draw so much strength from things we've done in the past that have made sense for us that we can't conceive of a world where that doesn't make sense anymore.

**When you have misunderstandings, people misunderstand and they think it's the end of the friendship or the end of the relationship, but in reality, there's so much to unpack because everybody is experiencing their own life, their own interpretation of things, their own stresses,
and everybody looks circumstances through the lens of their own past experiences. It's like you're not allowed to have three dimensions. You're only allowed to have two. And then some cases, one dimension.

You have to be flexible. You have to go with the flow. It's the only way to thrive. Neither one of us can say anything with certainty's. That's the fun part. That's the challenging part, that's the wonder of it. That's life.

It's a good idea to be strong in your convictions and beliefs but only to the point where if they start getting challenged, you need to really take a good hard look and figure out whether or not it makes sense or doesn't make sense.

We see this within famalies, where people don't want to hear or look at the change, they won't accept it. They don't, they don't accept you because you are not their way; how parents don't want to understand their children because they're doing things in a way that's not done, that they didn't do it “right”. When things aren't done their way, when thoughts and ideas don't match their way, it threatens their self-identity. And that's where the friction comes in. That's where the separation comes in. That's why, families don't get along. I mean, HELLO, politics anyone in the United States?!

How can we deal with this? I think we really need to back to the self-identity thing, number one, should we just examine, Hey, is my identity wrapped up in this? Maybe it shouldn't be.
Think of different ways where we're so tied. We're so leashed and tethered to self-identity that we refuse to grow because we just need to hold on to something.

Sometimes you have to have the mindset of I'm ready to head out on the highway for them to start to listen to you. Sometimes people only come to recognition that things aren't the way they perceive it.**

#ChangeAndAdapt, #transform, #BlockbusterVideo, #Netflix, #Redbox, #RedboxKiosk, #9/11, #SantaMonica, #Self-Identity, #PeopleThatDon'tLikeChange, #theUntetheredIdentity

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**We may not know every single one of you listening, but you matter to us. You matter. You are of great value. You're amazing.

This episode is about believing that things can get better, that I can get better, that we will get better... to believe in yourself, to believe in one another... (quote from Ted Lasso.

You matter regardless of what you do, what you achieve, what you don't do, what you don't achieve. It doesn't matter. When you are centered, even if you weigh 80 pounds, no one can throw you. Sometimes there seems to be a lot of people who want to throw you; spiritually, physically and metaphorically. The worst is when YOU throw you, and even worst is when you
help them throw you.

We talk about creating your best life. It's important to feel joy. It's nice to have someone take a look at and remind you of who you are, have friends to remind you of who you are, that you're not maybe seeing fully in that moment for someone to remind you, and that's the beauty of friendship.

Don't be afraid of hearing some lovely people maybe express to you what they see around you that you may not know is happening around you to remind you of you, what you're about, like how wonderful you are, how amazing you are, how talented you are.**

#TedLasso #TheBeliefOfHope, #ImposterSyndrome, #momentum, #Aikido, #martialArts,

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**What do you do when your friends break up with one another? Is this a sunset or sunrise? Is it the end or the beginning of a new path? We give advice based on our personal experiences. We also discuss what to do and how to navigate a group dynamic. When you add new friends into a friend group, it changes the dynamics. Sometimes when you really need someone and the attention from that person is no longer there (it could just even be temporarily, but you need it right at that moment), it is a terrible feeling.

People have a habit of not doing the same things over and over again. So just because it was okay at moment A to say something very hurtful to somebody doesn't mean it's okay in moment B or C or D.

People believe by and large that they are moral, kind and a million other really positive words. And it's hard on people when they get a mirror shown up to them to show them exactly how they're not kind, how they're not giving, how they're not good friends.

When friends break up, it's tricky; when you break up with a friend, when a friend breaks up with you and when two friends that you're friends with, have their breakups; it's just a sticky situation.

comission, #Omission, #BlockbusterVideo, #FriendBreakUp, #WhenFriendshipsBreak**

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**This is for anyone who's ever felt less than. It's not you. You are not less than.
We should concentrate on taking care of our space and realizing in what ways we are showing our true selves; the good, the bad, and the ugly, all of it, and being conscious of it all. And I think that's a great step to realizing how we're showing up for friendship, how we're showing up in the world, how we are creating our worlds

We're not alone guys. and remember what I told you about the shame. I think that's when people who treat you as less than, succeed when you start feeling shame. They are exposing themselves. Do not allow shame to take over you. You are valuable. You are of great value. You're amazing and beautiful, and you're a friend of ours.**

This episode is about allowing and letting people expose their true selves. These are the people who think you don't count. When people don't count you as a real human being, people who discard you, your presence, your culture, and/or your appearance, as acceptable.

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**This episode is about the communication with our own life force. It sounds kind of woo woo, I know, BUT we're talking about creating balance, having understanding, developing compassion for ourselves and being grounded so that we're better able to present in the world for ourselves and for others. We are joined by friend and acupuncturist Jacqueline Fusari as we discuss being centered on all levels from the physical to the emotional, to the spiritual level.

Jacqueline teaches us that when it comes to communicating with ourselves and our bodies clearly, we can present ourselves authentically to others so that we're in the best place to make friends and communicate clearly.

Chi, #acupuncturist, #Acupressure, #Aikido, #martial art, #emotions, #life-force, #balance**

To reach Jacqueline: https://www.fusariacupuncture.com/

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We are speaking with water researcher, Veda Austin from New Zealand, to explore communication with something that connects all of us. This is truly getting into the art of communication. There is so much magic here that this episode reaches almost 2 hours, and there is so much more to explore!

There are connections, mysteries, and signs all around us. And so today, one of those signs, one of those amazing marvels, one of the truly profound noble entities beings in our world is water. We're gonna explore it, as one of the elements that connects us all.

**It's normal to become overwhelmed sometimes, get bewildered, and feel fragmented, separate, and alone. Sometimes life can even seem frightening. It can feel like it's just us against the world that we've been left behind, sometimes in some way, sometimes awashed by uncertainty in life. so we're here with the Art of Friendship and all of us here today, especially with Veda, in life in general, we're here together to support one another.

We're here to remind each other, to snap each other out of this kind of falsehood that we're separate, not connected; to show each other the marvel, the nobleness that holds everything, connecting us, and holding all of existence together with perfect artistry.**

One of the truly profound noble entities beings in our world is water.

https://www.vedaaustin.com/

**#Veda Austin, #New Zealand, #water conference #The Story of Ushela, #Veda Karan, #The Bhagavad Gita, #Masaru Emoto,

life force energy, #sonic signature, ##messages in water,**

#Hinduism, #Buddhism, #Christianity, #Islam, #Judaism, #the Bahai, #Shinto, #Zoroastrian, #First Nation People, #spiritual truths,

#Dr. Masaru Emoto, #Laurent Costa, #Thomas Hieronymus, #Dr. Gerald Pollock's, #hydroglyphs, #Masaru Emoto's work, #"Stairway to Heaven", #Rumi, #unity consciousness, #Zoroastrianism, #animism

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We're joined by our friend Marianne.

We're joined by our friend Marianne and discuss the strange occurrence that happens when we do something creative when we start to feel a passion as you feel like, oh my God, I want to do this, or I want to say this, I want to experience this, there's a kind of inertia pulling us to the opposite extreme. It's this opposing kind of dynamic that's happening. I feel like when we pursue our dreams and our dreams could be pursuing our voice, pursuing speaking the truth in the world, we are met with this kind of resistance. Steven Pressfield calls it "The War of Art". It's a force that can stop you from doing what you're supposed to be doing.
If you don't value yourself, you'll always sell yourself short. **In this episode, we explore a way to clear these things, these horrible, heavy, negative thoughts that keep us from our greatness, for striving for what we need. We strive for unlimitedness and feeling free.

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#Steven Pressfield the War of Art, #**"Afterlife", #Ricky Jervais, #cutting costs, #growth mode, #Business, #cost-cutting mode,

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**The whole platform for our podcast is the art of friendship, and at the root is the art of communication.

In discussing self-awareness, taking a look at ourselves and how we operate. Getting to know who we truly are, how we react to things, what our history is, why we think a certain way, why we act a certain way, what makes us introverted?

What makes us like an outgoing person? What makes us want to do what we're doing? Like, where does all that come from? Understanding that will help us to understand others.

SELF: (noun) a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action. A person's particular nature or personality, the quality that makes a person individual or unique. One's own interests or pleasure used ironically to refer to oneself as someone else. Like for example, "The only side worth supporting is your own sweet self. "Okay,

SELF (verb): Self Pollinate Self-fertilize. Here's an example. " A variety that selfs itself loses lots of vigor in the progeny".

SELF: (adjective) of a trimming or cover of the same material and color as the rest of the item. "A dress with self belt".

link in the show notes https://www.estherperel.com/.

do you feel like growing up you had protection more or did you have connection more like a sense of togetherness?

Did you feel more protection from the family or did you feel a sense of connection and togetherness?

what are your expectations of a friendship?**

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**Defining friendship, we can see it as a combination of generosity and intimacy. How do we show up? How do we think we show up in every relationship and what value do we offer?

On our podcast, we always tell you about the number one friend, number two friend and number three friend based on Aristotle's Nichomachian Ethics. Should we always be the kind of person people like to hang out with? That's one of our goals, being thoughtful about how we make another person feel. If someone is seeking those first two Nichomachin ways out in you, and that's it, that's not the true friend. However, they are important. So if a person is only hanging out with you because of how you make them feel and/or they're hanging out with you because of what they're getting from you, that is not true friendship. But they are valid qualities. Sometimes on your way to the true friend, you pass through these other levels.

You're friends with somebody because they can get you something or, and then that gradually develops into something deeper.

There are transition friends. There are friends who meet you when you first come to a place.

They're not necessarily going to be your forever friends, but they welcome you in, and that's their job. and then they let you go in some manner, you go in different directions,

We're talking about the level one, level two friends. And don't discredit that. Don't say that that's not necessarily a friendship. Because sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. But sometimes it is.

EstablishedHierarchy, #TheArtOfKnowingYourWeakness, #TheArtOfVulnerability, #TheArtOfMakingFriends, #TransitionFriends**

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**I want to talk about the loneliness epidemic. People are talking about it like it's something that the pandemic brought about, but it's not. It has been here for a long time. The loneliness epidemic was here long before the 2019 pandemic, but people were more likely to speak about it, speak about the fact that they were at home alone, or they felt loneliness, that they felt like, wow, I don't have anyone near me. I don't have someone to turn to.

I want to say, don't blame the pandemic. This is something that's been here long before. It's been happening decade after decade. It came to a point where I think , and I've said this before, I think that people felt ashamed, that it was their fault that they didn't have any friends, which meant that there was something wrong with them.

But what we noticed was throughout the decades, it was getting worse and worse, and that you are not at fault. People are not at fault. It's the way society has been moving towards is that, "let me do it on my own, you should do everything on your own. You should be self-sufficient. You should do everything by yourself. You should live by yourself."**

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Today's topic is having anxiety about the future. Let's fix our mental and physical posture. Are we looking at the future that's not good but we're forced to pursue? This brings us to the one word for the podcast episode today, which is Auger. What does it mean and how can it help shape our fate?

Are we truly hopeful about the future? Are we OK with the direction that life is taking? It's about where are we going or not going. Is something happening too fast? Is something changing in your life that doesn't feel right? How many of us are feeling these things, and what can we do about it?

Sometimes the future doesn't seem so great, especially when we rely on mass behavior, mass consciousness behavior, and the pack mentality. It seems to go towards a fearful area, which never bodes well. So what can we do?

Have you noticed that in history, things could be really, really rough, but there are people who can find ways to laugh, find ways to appreciate and find ways to enjoy life? That's where friendship comes in. Even going to a coffee shop or going somewhere that is peaceful and nourishing where people congregate and ask for the nourishment in that. Living and enjoying within the precise moment being completely in the now completely.

Thought Exercise: At this moment are you warm enough? At the moment are you not safe? In this precise moment are you not surrounded by love? No matter how dire the situation, if you can bring it to that moment, you're still alive and you're still breathing. There is still hope, there is still peace with you. So, Thinking about that and if you can get yourself a cup of coffee or a cup of tea, that calms and soothes you. Can you relish in that and with the company of someone else? Can you try to think of things that are funny?

Let's look at the future in a positive way, because we're going to create it to be that way. We're not going to listen to the doom that's been prognosticated. We're gonna create a better future. We're gonna hang out with some cool people. We're gonna find them if we don't have them, we're gonna seek them out and find them, because trust me, they're out there looking for us. And we're going to laugh in the face of doom and gloom and create a better future together. And that is true art right there, friends!

Inside of all of us, there are two wolves. There is the Wolf of Hope and the Wolf of Fear. Which one are you gonna feed?

Find people out there. You are always surrounded by people that are your friends. They're also looking for you, and all you have to do is just say hello or look at them longer than you normally would, and when they notice you looking at them, share your heart with a genuine smile. I emphasize the word genuine. Let it come from your heart, from the way you're feeling. So it may not be a happy smile, but if it's a genuine smile, the smile could convey, yes, you're in pain, but you're, you're very happy to be in the presence of this other human being. And that is the spark of friendship right there.

REMEMBER: No fate, but what we make.

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ZenStories, #aPositiveAttitudeTowardsLife, #NoFateButWhatWeMake, #Auger, #TwoWolves, #TheArtOfFriendship, #OurFriendlyWorldWithFawnAndMattPodcast, #ArtOfFriendship, #PickingUpOnMassConsciousness,

The Auger - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] FAWN: Welcome back everybody. Hello, .

[00:00:05] MATT: What? That's how I always enter

[00:00:06] FAWN: the show. Uh, you sound like a parrot. That's all you say is Hello. Hello? Hello . Hello. My friends used to say that when something was wrong, or when something was just askew. Hello. Hello, hello.

[00:00:21] MATT: Well, and oftentimes if you get into an argument with somebody, and they're not saying anything, you'll say hello, because that's like hello.

[00:00:27] MATT: A

[00:00:27] FAWN: whole, like you need to say something to that. Hello? Yeah. There's a word you can say in different ways though, means so many different things. I guess you can say that with any word, right?

[00:00:36] MATT: Dude.

[00:00:37] FAWN: Or one letter.

[00:00:38] MATT: Dude,

[00:00:39] FAWN: remember the letter A a. . A!, if you say a in an aggravated way, it stops people in their tracks no matter what

[00:00:48] MATT: truth.

[00:00:49] FAWN: Today's topic is having anxiety about the future. Do you remember the image I always talk about? It makes me laugh when I look at certain runners, people who are jogging. Some of them, if you look, actually, I wanna say half of them. I look at them and I start laughing because, Their upper half of their body is leaning backwards.

[00:01:12] FAWN: I've talked about this before, guys, I'm sorry, but

[00:01:14] MATT: chilling like Bob Dylan,

[00:01:16] FAWN: no upper half of the body is leaning back and their face is like, oh, no, no. It's like they're in a car going somewhere they don't wanna go. , but their legs are forced to run fast, so their legs are like going fast. But if you look at their upper half, it doesn't tell the story of I'm enjoying my run and I'm headed for the future in a bright, optimistic fashion.

[00:01:42] MATT: So not an inspirational poster.

[00:01:45] FAWN: It's an inspirational poster to fix your posture, , to fix your mental and physical posture. Because why are you forcing yourself to do something you don't wanna do? And are you looking at the future in a way that's not comfortable, but you're forced to pursue? So you and I got into an argument yesterday.

[00:02:10] FAWN: Do you remember what it. It was a brief argument.

[00:02:15] MATT: Okay. No, I don't

[00:02:16] FAWN: You don't remember ?

[00:02:18] MATT: Oh dear. This

[00:02:18] MATT: is gonna be bad.

[00:02:19] FAWN: All right. So I chose not to listen or look at the tv. God,

[00:02:22] MATT: that's right.

[00:02:24] FAWN: Right. I was listening to the radio right. And I was listening to it for a few hours while I was in the kitchen.

[00:02:33] FAWN: Mm-hmm. . And it was, it was all really loud. I, I wanted it that way because, . I really love music, but I'm, I'm, I'm a special breed when it comes to music because if I don't, if I'm not vibing, it literally is torture for me to listen to certain things. ie Matt's music sometimes.

[00:02:56] MATT: Always like Matt's music.

[00:02:58] FAWN: No, he says that all the time.

[00:02:59] FAWN: It's not true. I actually love Matt's music, but Matt wakes up five hours before I do. He usually wakes up when I'm going to bed . And so when I come around and we're going somewhere together, it's within 30 minutes of me having woken up if I'm, if I hadn't meditated and we're in the car and he's blaring his European, um, what kind of metal?

[00:03:24] FAWN: Is it European?

[00:03:25] MATT: European Prague Or Power Metal.

[00:03:28] FAWN: Power metal. You guys, it is, it makes me crazy. Makes me feel violent. My goodness. Because I'm not ready for it. I just, I just started the day. But that's the whole power. Power. You're five hours, you're

[00:03:39] MATT: never ready for it. That's why it's so brilliant. Okay.

[00:03:42] FAWN: It disturbs.

[00:03:43] FAWN: It's, it's, It, it angrifies me . So I was listening to the radio for a few hours, I listened to this one particular station that was, I guess, what was it like, rock.

[00:03:58] MATT: It was, it was album oriented rock from the seventies, eighties and nineties. Also

[00:04:02] FAWN: the sixties actually. So I listened to things from the sixties, seventies, and eighties and nineties, a whole range

[00:04:10] FAWN: Okay, so Matt always asks me, why are you looking at this TV right now? Because first of all, we have that movie. So why are you watching that movie on tv? Meaning it's aired on television, which means it has commercials and stuff like that. And the only explanation I can give is I'm literally picking up on what's going on in the world.

[00:04:33] FAWN: I feel like I'm picking up on mass consciousness. I'm getting messages from the tv. Mm-hmm. . And it's not like anything that's said or anything that's shown, I feel certain things. It's just my way of seeing. It's my crystal ball in a way. It's an intuitive, it's something that's happened since I was a little kid.

[00:04:55] FAWN: And so yesterday I used the radio for the same purpose. I'm like, let me see what's going on. and Matt every, and you guys, every song was Total Doomsday and it, that's what I was picking up. I'm not saying that they curated the music to be that, but I'm like, wow, this is what the population is listening to

[00:05:22] FAWN: and. It

[00:05:24] MATT: and you said, wow, all these songs are really depressing.

[00:05:27] FAWN: They were depressing, they were scary. It was all about, I felt the end of the world. I felt like not hope for the future. Things are really messed up. Things are scary, things are not right. Um, like end of the days kind of feeling. Mm-hmm.

[00:05:47] FAWN: which brings us to the one word for the podcast episode today, which is Auger. Auger. Let me just get into the definitions. It's really helpful when you look at a written definition for you to understand the true meaning of life in a way. So here we go, auger. , an event or circumstance, circum an event or a circumstance, portend a good or a bad outcome. A similar word for auger would be bode, portend, herald, foreshadow, indicate, signify signal, predict prognosticate. You get the picture. The noun comes from in ancient Rome, guys, remember we talked about the blue jay a few episodes back,

[00:06:45] FAWN: a religious official who observed natural signs, especially the behavior of birds, Interpreting these as an indication of divine approval or disapproval of a proposed action. A similar word would be seer, soothsayer, clairvoyant. You get the point. To auger is to predict or indicate. Auger means to be a sign or omen of something, to say that an event or occurance

[00:07:19] FAWN: augers well for the future means that it is a sign or promise of good things to come. And that's what I wanna focus on today. The good things to come because I believe, yes, there's a lot happening right now. There is so much anxiety. The conversations that I've been listening to in various different formats, whether it's what I've noticed in, places that things are broadcasted, like movies, television, news, radio, songs that are created, conversations, I'm listening to at the coffee shops, it seems like there's so much anxiety about the future.

[00:07:59] FAWN: And that's why I started talking about the runner. It's like, uh, I don't wanna go. Are we truly hopeful about the future? And I feel like for the most part, no. And I feel like since the year began let's just take a look at our friends circle.

[00:08:15] FAWN: There has been, major surgeries. People moving all of a sudden fights in the family. Lots of people got covid. Just like bizarre things happening.

[00:08:25] MATT: In my circle. Yes. Uh, the great divorces, tech layoff has affected one or two people in my circle.

[00:08:32] FAWN: Oh my goodness.

[00:08:33] FAWN: And in the world, thousands and thousands of tech layoffs. Right. So there's a. Unrest. Yes. So,

[00:08:42] MATT: yes, and in point of fact, there was a once in a generation storm that hit the Northeast. Oh yeah. You know, the weather itself is, I mean, we're just breaking records left and right. Well, I

[00:08:54] FAWN: mean, You know, they're, they're flooding in California.

[00:08:57] FAWN: I mean, there are certain people that we've been talking to who refuse climate change

[00:09:03] MATT: snow in Texas,

[00:09:05] FAWN: , I don't know how to say this, it feels like, and it looks like everything's really messed up. And what does this have to do with friendship? . What does this have to do with, I'm gonna bring it back.

[00:09:17] FAWN: This, this has to do with the art of friendship . I have a solution so bear with me .

[00:09:24] FAWN: Matt, is the person who brought the word auger to me, and I thought it was ogre, and I thought what? He was just pronouncing it differently. But if I take auger and I bring it to ogre, , which is a mean, it's like a fairytale like mean, ugly monster who eats people

[00:09:44] MATT: very big, very strong.

[00:09:46] FAWN: It kind of makes sense, right to the auger, it's augering events in the future it's like , we are seeing the future as not so great. Perhaps it's like an ogre situation.

[00:09:59] FAWN: The whole having anxiety about the future. the fear and doom, the way people are behaving.

[00:10:06] FAWN: I've been having extreme pain in my foot. I looked up the spiritual reason for this particular pain that I've been having. And it's about the direction that life is taking. It's about where are we going or not going. Is something happening too fast?

[00:10:26] FAWN: Is something changing in your life that doesn't feel right? How many of us are feeling these things, and what can we do about it? This comes into play with the art of friendship, loneliness, all of that. What can we do about it? So yeah, the future doesn't seem so great, especially when we rely on mass behavior, mass consciousness behavior, the pack mentality. It seems to go towards a fearful area, which never bodes well. So what can we do? Have you ever noticed certain people in times of insecurity, when you hear a mother suddenly humm and baking a cake or humming and just doing something in the kitchen; for me that, that sounds, not that I ever heard that really in my life, but I do it.

[00:11:23] FAWN: When I think about it, it makes me feel calm. It makes me feel like all is well, the humming sound or the sound of birds chirping, and especially the sound of people laughing. , Laughing in a happy way, laughing from enjoyment. And how many people have you noticed it could have been in a movie even it doesn't matter. But have you noticed that in history, things could be really, really rough. But there are people who can find ways to laugh, find ways to appreciate and find ways to enjoy life, and that's where the friendship comes in.

[00:12:05] FAWN: Even going to a coffee shop or going somewhere that is peaceful and nourishing where people congregate and asking for the nourishment in that. Living and enjoying within the precise moment being completely in the now completely. There was a time that I was in major trouble.

[00:12:30] FAWN: I had a crazy stalker after me. and, um, I was on a photo shoot that morning. I hadn't slept. It was a traumatic time and I, I told you guys this story before, but basically the gist of it was that I was standing in front of my friend who was on the photo shoot with me, who was the director, and she kept asking me, in these words, child of God, are you happy?

[00:12:57] FAWN: I'm like, what? , are you insane? Because she knew what was happening. , she knew what was happening. Right. Everyone was on alert. Right? The whole building was pretty much on kind of a lockdown situation. Mm-hmm. . And so she's like, are you happy right now? I'm like, no, I'm not happy. And so she kept asking me and every time she asked me, she had me be completely in the moment.

[00:13:23] FAWN: In the moment. Are you warm? In the moment are you not safe? In this precise moment are you not surrounded by love? No matter how dire the situation, if you can bring it to that moment, you're still alive and you're still breathing. There is still hope, there is still peace with you. So, Thinking about that and if you can get yourself a cup of coffee or a cup of tea, that calms and soothes you. Can you relish in that and with the company of someone else? Can you try to think of things that are funny?

[00:14:02] FAWN: When I first met, It was not a funny time in my life. I met Matt when I was having trouble at a job. It was horrible. And after work I would go to Aikido in tears. So, and that's where I met Matt, was in the Aikido school.

[00:14:19] FAWN: And what would you say to me, Matt? You were talking about absurdity when life gets absurd, you had a saying, well,

[00:14:28] MATT: it was the gist of it was when life becomes that absurd, you can't help but laugh and just go with it because the world is gonna buffet you, wherever it's gonna buffet.

[00:14:41] MATT: You

[00:14:42] FAWN: might as well have a good time.

[00:14:43] MATT: You might as well understand that it's ludicrous, right?

[00:14:49] FAWN: Once you acknowledge. Is ludicrousity a word?

[00:14:52] FAWN: It

[00:14:52] MATT: is now .

[00:14:55] FAWN: Once you acknowledge that everything feels better and you're able to move forward and you become a runner that is running towards the future, leaning into it with total, badassness like, yeah, come on, let's go, let's go.

[00:15:14] FAWN: Let's look at the future in a positive way, because we're going to create it to be that way. We're not going to listen to the doom that's been prognosticate. We're gonna create a better future. We're gonna hang out with some cool people. We're gonna find them if we don't have them, we're gonna seek them out and find them, because trust me, they're out there looking for us.

[00:15:37] FAWN: And we're going to laugh in the face of doom and gloom and create a better future together. And that is true art right there, friends! And that is the art of friendship. And that's my message for today.

[00:15:54] MATT: There's actually, there are many Zen stories. One's zen story that I remember the first time I ever witnessed it.

[00:16:01] MATT: It was in a American cartoon, believe it, or. , but it concerns this guy who gets chased by a tiger off a cliff. He grabs onto a branch daunting depth beneath him. Okay? And then on the side of the cliff, so the tiger's on top of the cliff growling and like if he goes up, he's done right. There's a catastrophic fall underneath.

[00:16:28] MATT: And there's a little tiny little vine and a strawberry on the end of it. I swear to God. and the zen story is, or the story tells us that the man picks the strawberry and eats it, and it was the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted. Roll credits, . I kid you not. and zen stories are meant to be unpacked, right?

[00:16:57] MATT: you know, it's, it's, it is and isn't what it seems, but it means that enjoy the moment, whatever that moment is,

[00:17:07] FAWN: and that strawberry could give you the life force to defeat the tiger, to, to go a different way, like to climb sideways. Maybe don't fall down, don't go up, but climb sideways. Anything. Find some, you know, some other way, wherever the strawberry came from.

[00:17:24] MATT: And again, the things that are interesting is when I, I remember speaking with a friend about this, but one of the many, singers I'm fond of in the metal arenas, very versatile. He's a pilot. He's was on the fencing team for his country. He's a great singer, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

[00:17:41] MATT: And I've lately been less enthused with him. , but he had cancer and it was amazing. Like I looked over at the guy and he's like, yeah, it's in remission. And I was, I was like, of course it is. Because it was never in doubt that it would be, he's got such a positive attitude towards life. Who is this? The Bruce Dickinson.

[00:18:00] MATT: Okay. . And then I actually recently Flo out Flo, Floor Jansen, who's, Ooh, the best female singer, period. Alive today. Oh, I said it. She had cancer as well. She beat it again, positive attitude cuz she has a very positive attitude too. So it's, you know, it's about, a lot of, it's about attitude. A lot of it's about, you know, there , there's a million pithy sayings.

[00:18:27] MATT: Of course, inside of all of us, there are two wolves. There is the Wolf of Hope and the Wolf of Fear. Which one are you gonna feed?

[00:18:37] FAWN: And we can say that coming from personal experience and Matt's done this, do you mind if I say sort of, sort of, sort of, there was a point where Matt was in the hospital and they basically were like, that's it, and Matt beat it.

[00:19:00] FAWN: and you said you throughout the whole process, you didn't doubt

[00:19:08] MATT: Not for a second,

[00:19:09] FAWN: not for a second. And I remember there was one point at the height of it where they were like rushing around and they, they were taking you into surgery for like the second. and it looked really crazy bad. And they told me, whatever they told me, I just looked at you.

[00:19:33] FAWN: It's like something took over me and my voice and I looked at you. I said, you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay.

[00:19:44] FAWN: And you were, I mean, by some miracle, like it was such a, a miracle that today I still feel like. , did it actually happen or did I collapse into some sort of delirium over losing you that I'm living this dream life where we're living together? Do you know what I'm saying? The, the, the impact of that, that moment.

[00:20:08] FAWN: Mm-hmm. was so scary that it's changed me forever.

[00:20:15] MATT: I get it. However, if you were living that dream life, I probably wouldn't piss you off so much.

[00:20:24] FAWN: Okay, so , so I, I, I bring this up just to say that we're, we're speaking from personal experience and it is a mindset. And if you have trouble with that mindset, lean on us. Find people out there. And like I said, you are always surrounded by them. You are always surrounded by people that are your friends.

[00:20:54] FAWN: They're also looking for you, and all you have to do is just say hello or look at them longer than you normally would, and when they notice you looking at them, share your heart with a genuine smile. I emphasize the word genuine. Let it come from your heart, from the way you're you're feeling. So it may not be as happy smile, but if it's a genuine smile, the smile could convey, yes, you're in pain, but you're, you're very happy to be in the presence of this other human being.

[00:21:31] FAWN: And that is the spark of friendship right there. Am I wrong? You're right anything you wanna add to that? Matt, you, you had a different definition for auger.

[00:21:43] MATT: Well, an augur, nevermind. It's not with eu, it's with an ee. So it's it, it all gets

[00:21:47] FAWN: tricky. So many spellings, so many different things. Language is very holy.

[00:21:54] FAWN: Language is holy. Yes.

[00:21:55] MATT: Well, it goes through evolutions. If, if we all spoke the same language, that was exactly the way it was spoken 2000 years ago, you know, there'd be a lot less, whatever, 10,000 years ago, whatever it is, there'd be a lot less kind of confusion about it really, you know, really you think?

[00:22:16] MATT: except for we would do things like we'd call computers. They'd have a very long name.

[00:22:21] FAWN: Well be coming from the culture I come from, you know, I've been speaking with some friends that also speak the language that I was born speaking. Mm-hmm. , there are so many words that you cannot translate into English.

[00:22:35] FAWN: Right. They're always, there's really frustra. . It's really frustrating because in one word you would probably need three sentences in English to describe that one word. Yes. And there are certain words that just don't even exist in other languages. It's just, um,

[00:22:50] FAWN: and

[00:22:50] MATT: vice versa. Yes.

[00:22:52] FAWN: So the only thing we can depend on is the language of the heart, which is emotion.

[00:22:58] FAWN: Right. And you can do that in total silence, like I said. Smiling. You know, there's one way through looking at each other in the eyes. But what do you do when you're blind? You can still feel it. You can feel the energetic field and all the information that's in there. You can feel it. Matt is looking weird right now.

[00:23:23] FAWN: What's that look for? Nothing in particular. Am I being too

[00:23:27] MATT: hippy? No, I was just thinking about my God. So when I was in high school, just to completely diffuse what you were saying, which is terrible and I shouldn't do this, but we were literally taught, I was in Spanish class and we were literally taught the brown was Color de cafe, which is the color of coffee as opposed to maron, which is another way of speaking it.

[00:23:49] MATT: But anyways, I'm sorry.

[00:23:51] FAWN: We'll have no idea what what I was saying, but that's it. Do you have anything else to add? Every time we're done with a podcast episode and I press the stop button, he's like, but you didn't give me a chance to say this.

[00:24:02] MATT: That's right.

[00:24:03] FAWN: So what is it now?

[00:24:04] MATT: Nothing.

[00:24:05] FAWN: What? Just, you always say

[00:24:06] MATT: that.

[00:24:07] MATT: Okay. So I've been through literally everything that you had in mind, except my quote for Terminator two. What? No fate, but what we make.

[00:24:17] FAWN: All right,

[00:24:22] MATT: I have no idea how I was gonna squeeze that

[00:24:23] FAWN: one in. And, and that's it. It's like, please, let's stop having the pack mentality of doom and gloom. And if everyone else is like, oh, terribleness, let's just start a party. and. and we, I, I do believe that that kind of thing can transform where we're headed and where we're headed is a peaceful, loving, fun time, a clean time where the earth is, well taken care of, that all human beings, all living beings are taken care of, that everything is love that everything is copacetic, . Anyway, love you guys. Thanks for listening. That's it for today. I think. Reach out to us and talk to me or to Matt and you know how to do that, just go to our website, our Friendly World. What is it again, Matt ,

[00:25:23] MATT: https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

[00:25:26] FAWN: I think so. . Oh dear. Anyway, it's in the link below. Sorry we just had so many. We've had so many websites. Okay. Talk to you guys later. Thank you for listening. Be well. Bye.

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**"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school, but if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you haven't learned anything"- Muhammad Ali.

" Friendship is a priceless gift that cannot be bought nor sold, but its value is far greater than a mountain made of gold. For gold is cold and lifeless. It can neither see nor hear. In times of trouble, it's powerless cheer. It has no ears to listen, no heart to understand. It cannot bring you comfort or reach out a helping hand. So when you ask God for a gift, be thankful if sends not diamonds, pearls, or riches but the love of real, true friends."- Muhammad Ali on friendship.

Be honest and open about how you're feeling, and sometimes you need to express things that you know, that certain things that come outta your mouth sound terrible, but you need to unwrap it and understand why you're having these feelings. It doesn't mean that they're true, but there are so many things to unwrap. There are so many things to understand. It feels complicated,

"Me, We" back to our community, back to the world is a small town and everyone is your friend. It sounds like everybody's your friend...weeeeee! No. Some friends are nasty, but they still guide you to where you need to be.

Everyone says, oh, that's where friendships are made, is in school. That it's so much harder to make friends when you're older that the kids are so lucky because that's the opportunity and it's really not. It's like you're forced to be in a situation and these are acquaintances. You're not really thinking about true friendship and what is true friendship, and you're not taught relationships. We're not taught in school the most vital thing to learn to do anything in your life. We need to relearn how to relate to one another. How we can understand one another. How can we be heard? How can we be good listeners? How? There are so many “hows,” and we're not taught any of that. It's straight to reading, writing, and arithmetic. And maybe if you're lucky enough, if the school's gifted enough, some art; which is so backward.

What do we do when the world/life looks and feels like it's beyond repair? Some examples are global warming, disasters, climate change...you know what I'm saying? It's such a mammoth thing to take on as opposed to realizing that we are infinite beings. We are powerful beyond measure. We are supernatural. By mere imagination, we can create so much beauty and transformation within a second, a split second.**

**Fawn has been on overload the past few days and she breaks down on this episode. And although she can't talk about exactly what the issue is at this point, perhaps you can relate to the emotion.

So how can we learn friendship? Well, you listen to our podcast. “The meaning of friendship” definitely needs to be a huge subject taught in school and not just taught one time, but starting from preschool and keep going through college. It needs to be a huge curriculum.

What does it mean to be a friend? What does it really mean? You don't have to answer that right now, but let's contemplate that. Let's explore it. Let's ask our other friends, what is the meaning of friendship. Let's come back to it. What do you think?

Also, putting ourselves out there to be open to making new friends is like working out. It's a muscle and sometimes you don't wanna do it. And sometimes it hurts after a workout. It feels like you're not doing anything, but it's like, ow. I use muscles I normally don't use. So sometimes it can be a little painful, and uncomfortable, but you grow, and you get stronger.

Pay attention. Keep yourself open.**Pick up your free copy of Fawn's workbook on making friends here:

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/ Leave us a kind review, reach out to us, and have a beautiful every day!

#ShortestPoemInHistory #Muhammad Ali #FawnAnderson #OurFriendlyWorldwithFawnAndMatt #TheArtOfFriendship #MeWe #TheMeaningOfFriendship #MuhammadAliQuotes

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**Barry Lane, the ambassador of love and kindness, troubadour for loving-kindness is with us again, this time from Uvalde, Texas. Barry travels all over the place and he not only teaches kindness, but he spreads kindness everywhere. He goes to schools. He works with children, he's given TED Talks.

In this episode, we discuss what is stronger love or hate? How do you mend a broken heart? Where to find love when it seems all we see is a "prickly cactus"?

Everybody is operating from some sort of trauma. Everyone has pain. Everyone's doing their best going through whatever they're going through. EVERYONE is literally operating at their highest capacity. Now, that may not mean that they're operating to your standards, to your standards, they're just operating from the best way that they can live. And that goes with friendship.**

Barry is visiting with the children and teachers who were inside the massacre at Uvalde and we take some time to discuss how we can heal, and how we can be there for each other to create a loving world despite what we are experiencing that is far from kind. We find out where love lives. We take a love pledge.

**This episode will soothe and nourish you. Barry sings to us. Make sure to listen to the very last song at the end of the episode. It will help.

WhatIsStrongerLoveOrHate #Uvalde #LoveIsEternal #HealingABrokenHeart**https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/a-kind-world-with-special-guest-barry-lane/

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/a-kind-world-finding-freedom-and-truth-during-a-tumultuous-time-with-barry-lane/

**To Reach Barry:

https://www.barrylane.com/**

https://www.forcefieldforgood.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzimmQaLzo8

Love and Hate and How to Heal a Broken Heart with Barry Lane - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] FAWN: Hello everybody.

[00:00:01] MATT: Hello.

[00:00:01] FAWN: Welcome back. We have a beautiful, beautiful surprise for you today. Our friend Barry is back. Barry is here. Hi Barry.

[00:00:12] BARRY: Hi.

[00:00:13] FAWN: Great to be back. So good to have you back. You all know Barry came to visit us when we moved. Barry is a dear friend of ours, he's a family member. He's also been on our podcast before, a few times.

[00:00:26] FAWN: A couple times, right? I wanna say the first one was, um, I think it was February 28th, 2021, . And then the last one was when we were going through total hardship. It was April of 2022. And we were talking about hardship in the world and how you can still find happiness and kindness even though the world is in such turmoil.

[00:00:50] FAWN: And we talked about love, of course. Barry, of course, if you remember, if you don't just go back to the previous episodes, the links are in the notes and on our podcast. Type in Barry Lane and you'll find the other episodes, but what you associate with Barry, our friend Barry is a kind world.

[00:01:13] FAWN: He is the ambassador of love and kindness . He's actually, what were we riffing on? The Ambassador and trubador for loving kindness. The Jim Morrison of Kindness,

[00:01:30] MATT: Open Door to Kindness, which led us to Jim Morrison of the Doors.

[00:01:35] FAWN: Of course. Sorry. Sorry guys. We were totally having a conversation before we actually pressed the record button.

[00:01:41] FAWN: So Barry is here. Everyone, welcome back Barry. Hi Barry.

[00:01:45] BARRY: Thank you riders on the storm

[00:01:50] FAWN: Barry travels all over the place and he not only teaches kindness, but he spreads kindness everywhere. He goes to schools. He works with children,

[00:02:02] MATT: he's given TED Talks.

[00:02:03] FAWN: You could find more about Barry, just go to forcefield for good.com. Everything, all the links are in our show notes . So we've been talking to Barry. We talk to Barry all the time. Thank goodness. We love him so much. So what we were riffing on yesterday was. The following, what is stronger love or hate?

[00:02:24] FAWN: Which is something Matt talks about all the time. , what is stronger love or hate? How do you know this? How do you mend a broken heart, which we also got into last week, how do you mend a broken heart? Uh, where does love? , how do you find love in all the wrong places? How do you find love in all the wrong places?

[00:02:48] MATT: Oh my goodness. That sounds like Country Western Song, .

[00:02:52] FAWN: And the big question, should we even look right? That's a big one, right? Wow. Of course we should, but it's interesting. Should we or shouldn't we? I don't know. Let's talk to Barry. Barry. Hello. Welcome

[00:03:05] BARRY: back. I was thinking about that song when, when I, whenever I think of that song, I think of Eddie Murphy doing his riff on that song.

[00:03:14] BARRY: Eddie Murphy. Yeah, he did. If you're looking it up, you'll see it online. He looking for love in all the wrong places. Is

[00:03:21] FAWN: that when he did his own album? Is that his singing album? Yeah,

[00:03:24] BARRY: he had this voice he used to do, he had this kind of voice, but, but uh, yeah. It's funny because that song. actually. When you think about that song, what do you think about, you think, what's the wrong place to look for love?

[00:03:38] BARRY: You know, of course a song like that might be don't find your boyfriend or girlfriend in a bar or something like that. But maybe the deeper level of that is do you look for love and that prickly person that you just met, you know, or who, who said something unkind to you or whatever. And um, I always think of Anne of Green Gables when I think of

[00:04:00] BARRY: that kind of thing. Anna, I know that that's one of Matt's favorite books. Hey, I have

[00:04:05] MATT: read Anna Green Gables. Okay. We have, I have, I have two daughters. So it's really, it's important to, you know, look at, you know, seminal works for young readers, period. And that was one I did not read as a young man. Or as a

[00:04:19] MATT: young boy.

[00:04:20] MATT: Oh,

[00:04:21] BARRY: wonderful. Well, you know, there's a school marmee lady, I don't even know where her name was. I, I didn't even read it. I just watched the PBS show, . Uh, but the, uh, but there was a school marmee lady that always gives Anne a real hard time, and she's busting her chops all the time, and she's trying to do creative teaching in a school that, you know, she wants all the trains to run on time and she's just being nasty and she's so unkind to her.

[00:04:45] BARRY: Right. And even. , uh, her reaction to her is she doesn't like, she doesn't take revenge on her. She says, just come to Green Gables and coming to Green Gables you see the layer, she starts to unlayer that woman and you start to see underneath her prickliness. I was just in Tucson yesterday.

[00:05:05] BARRY: Underneath that prickly cactus inside, there's all this sweet juice that's just... in Israel that's what they call Sabras. They call people who live in Israel, young people sabras, which is after the cactus, in other words, on the outside, the rough and rugged on inside their sweet and juice. And, and you start to see her face change and everything about her changes, when she learns to let down that thing, you know?

[00:05:32] BARRY: Our society trains people I think to "other" people like that, those are the people, people backed by about, do you believe that woman, what she said to her, you know, Anne would be like talking trash about her all the time to other, if she was like, you know, on Facebook, you know, do you believe that lady?

[00:05:48] BARRY: She says, think she's a teacher, or she does, is like ragg on the kids, whatever. What's wrong with her? You know, whatever. But you know, no, she. , she looks for love there, you know, and certainly she finds it because sometimes you find what you're looking for. Um, sometimes , it's as simple as that.

[00:06:08] BARRY: Yeah. You find it what you're looking for.

[00:06:13] MATT: Well, yeah. Especially for me, I think

[00:06:15] MATT: like the more prickly the person, it's like once you actually. get into it and really get a sense of starting to understand them, those can be the most loyal people. Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . And they're so strong in their beliefs, and they're so strong as far as like rushing to defend you and everything.

[00:06:35] MATT: I mean, they're very honest and open because, you know, here I am, deal with

[00:06:40] FAWN: me, . Mm-hmm. , I think they're more open because it's rare to have someone actually give the time, give them the time of day. You know, it's rare to have someone just be there and not have judgment and just be there and keep gracing them with attention, right?

[00:07:00] FAWN: You know, with a loving, kind, soft silent gaze. You know, without any judgment. And I think that when they realize that you're doing that, yeah, they are loyal to you. And I think it's also, the whole thing comes about of people not being noticed as kind when they're, they seem prickly is because there's such a lack of time.

[00:07:25] FAWN: And I think people just don't give it enough of that. They don't give enough time to get to know a person, and they have very good reason for being prickly. You know, they have been hurt so much. But I think if we just allow for that grace that it shows up on both sides. Uh, they open up and we end up seeing something amazing, and if we just keep going through, always in a hurry, not noticing the beauty,

[00:07:56] FAWN: right. Then. Yeah. We miss all these beautiful people that are quite lovely, right. Barry .

[00:08:06] BARRY: Yeah. It's sort of a, I, how would you describe it? You know, I, and I worked a lot my, most of my career, I still do. I work with teachers about teaching writing, and elementary school teachers are very different than high school English teachers, , , high school English teachers,

[00:08:23] BARRY: they can be like, you know, like storm troopers for grammar or whatever it is, right? But they tend to, but they also tend to have a much higher sense of themselves as professionals, which is a good thing sometimes, you know, I think sometimes, and I think they can be a lot more prickly.

[00:08:40] BARRY: And I think sometimes people are prickly because they have, like you say, cuz they have a good reason to be. And so maybe someone like Brene Brown, I think I heard her talk recently and she talked about like, um, can we assume that everybody is doing the best they can? As soon as you make that assumption, as soon as you make that assumption, all judgment

[00:09:05] BARRY: is just disappears. But, it's so easy to other, you know, I, yes. I want to make this bumper sticker that said more mothering, less othering. . Well,

[00:09:16] MATT: uh, Fawn says all the time, everybody's working at their highest capacity.

[00:09:21] FAWN: Someone told me that I remember being mad at someone and I wanted this person to be on my side about it and go, yeah, Fawn, that was terrible.

[00:09:29] FAWN: Oh, but they didn't, they're like, they're doing the very best they can. I'm like, how can you say that about this person? And I don't remember what the situation was, but it happened a lot with different people. And she basically told me, look, everybody's operating at their highest capacity. So, and then it made me think of all the other people that I've met who, who mentioned that, you know, this is before the term hurt people, hurt people

[00:09:57] FAWN: became known, but like for example, I was working at a design studio and there was this one vendor who would come in and show us whatever we needed to work with, with tiles and things like that. And he was so gruff and he was so mean. He was mean . And one of the designers I worked with just turned to me and said, you know what?

[00:10:19] FAWN: I think he's in pain, physical pain. Oh. And as soon as she mentioned that the next time we saw him, he was in pain. Like no amount of, um, no amount of, uh, medication could relieve the pain he was in and it was constant and he had to still work and go meet people and drive across town and Right. Lift heavy things and be kind constantly cuz he was in sales.

[00:10:47] FAWN: You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. . . But as soon as he realized that, we realized that he was nice to us. . .

[00:10:54] BARRY: Because you

[00:10:55] MATT: were nice to him.

[00:10:56] FAWN: Well, because we realized something was going on, right? We realized something beyond the superficial like robotic thing that we all have to go through cuz you have to work and you have to present a face and you have to get your job done.

[00:11:10] FAWN: You're not a human being. Do you know what I'm saying? Like you have to just get your job done, suck it up. Right. And like, don't show your, don't show any emotion. Don't show your true self. Get the job done well, you just have to get the job done right? And so anyway, that's where I first heard that. And then, then I heard from our other friend who was like, look, everyone's doing their best.

[00:11:34] FAWN: And made me think of like the family I grew up with. And I'm like, yes, that's something I've been thinking about my whole life, but I only thought about my family, but that's really the whole world. Everybody is operating from some sort of trauma ev. Everyone has pain. You're a human being. You're gonna have all the flavors, you're gonna have all the emotions living on planet Earth and everyone's doing their best going through whatever they're going through.

[00:12:04] FAWN: They're literally quite operating at their highest capacity. Now, that may not mean that they're operating to your standards, to your standards, they're just operating from the best way that they can live. Do you know what I'm saying? Absolutely. And that goes with friendship. Like I have the highest standards for friends, and I've come to realize that

[00:12:30] FAWN: most people don't have the same standards I do. And as soon as I can come to terms with that, then I actually can find friends better because there's less pressure that people feel from me and there's less pressure that I feel from the world.

[00:12:46] BARRY: I think it's a, I've been teaching kids about . UMBUNTU mm. You guys say it? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. like a bun bun, but, but yeah. 2, 2, 2, 2. It's cool. It's a cool, it has a word that has three Us in it, very in English, but it very rarely have that. How do you spell it? And it's a word, U M B U N T U. It's I can't do it.

[00:13:20] BARRY: I can't do the clicks. But it's a Kosi word, South Africa. It's a word that Desmond Tutu always talked about in South Africa, which is the Umbuntu spirit of the people. And this is what I've learned, actually wrote a song about it. Do you wanna hear the song?

[00:13:34] FAWN: Yes, please.

[00:13:37] BARRY: Oh yeah. Okay. Here's a song it's called.

[00:13:41] BARRY: it's called The Umbutu Song, . So in English, we don't have a word for this. You'd have to almost say a whole paragraph. You'd have to say it's about seeing other peoples as if they are you. You could say a simplest way I've heard it put is I am because we are, And I said that to my wife, who's my best song critic, Carol Lee and I, and she said, well, that's true, but it's also true that we are because I am.

[00:14:09] BARRY: And, and, uh, so here's the song. It's called

[00:16:38] FAWN: Thank you, Barry. Ah, it's always

[00:16:41] MATT: nice to have a performance on the show.

[00:16:44] FAWN: Thank you so much, Barry. We love you so much. So let's go back to the first question. What is stronger love or hate? . Mm

[00:16:52] MATT: God. It's difficult to weigh in, isn't

[00:16:54] FAWN: it? What does that even mean, that question? So when you pose that question, Barry, what were you thinking?

[00:17:01] BARRY: Well, I do this to kids all the time. Actually. It's a part of the work that I do with the force field for good, especially with old, older kids. It's not a question you wanna pop on a kindergartner all the time. But it is, it's one of the, those great philosophical questions. And , in elementary school, almost unanimously, kids will say love almost.

[00:17:19] BARRY: Mm-hmm. by reflex, you know? Right. Uh, unless there's things going on in, in town and things are happening, and I can give examples of that, but I'm working in Uvalde, Texas tomorrow. Mm-hmm. going back again. I was there in September, you know, and there they had a quite, it was like a Voldemort experience, right.

[00:17:40] BARRY: That happened there. If you know the Harry Potter books, where there was a very, of course, horrible thing. Uh, you know, horrific thing that happened and continues to happen so many places in America. And so the next question, so I was at a school in Minnesota, but before I went to Uvalde, I

[00:18:02] BARRY: didn't know how to prepare cuz here is September. Well how do you prepare for something like that? Basically school ended after the shooting. And here we are going in September and I'm gonna be the first person to meet all these kids and teachers. And uh, how do you prepare for that? And, uh, The only way I realized it wasn't about me doing a performance. I realized I had to get all ego out of the way and just make myself like a hollow reed.

[00:18:28] BARRY: There's a high prayer. It goes like this, oh God, make me a hollow reed from which the pith of self hath been blown. Sort of like, how do I become a channel for healing or for God's light or for whatever you want to call it. You don't have to use the word God. You could say just the force of light and for healing.

[00:18:48] BARRY: And so I prayed and prayed about that and some amazing things happened there, which I'm not gonna go into all of it, but I would say, because of that, experience, but, Two months before I had gone to a school in Minnesota and I'd asked the question, what's stronger love or hate? And this was a fifth grade class that they were older kids.

[00:19:09] BARRY: And this little girl goes, well hate because hate can crush your heart. And then I thought, wow. And then that stuck in my mind. I, I try to, Wow. You know, talk more about it with her, with the class. And we talked about it more and tried to, to make a good pitch for love , like Right, of course. But salesman.

[00:19:31] BARRY: Salesman. But now, but it, but it stuck with me that question, and I thought, and when I went to Uvalde in September, I got the answer you to that. I got the answer. And in other words, the answer, you can get the, you can say, well, love is stronger because of blah, blah, blah, or, and it is, it's love is, but I got the answer and I can share that with you guys.

[00:19:53] BARRY: Yes, please. After this, After this commercial break, ,

[00:19:57] FAWN: excuse me. . Uh,

[00:20:00] BARRY: oh dear. No, no. It sounds like a, it sounds like I have the answer, but the answer is really more of a question, which is, uh, the answer is that love, when you have love in your heart. So one of the things I do with kids, do a little meditation.

[00:20:17] BARRY: We sit and, um, my friend, um, Michael Jolly, he created this wonderful meditation app, which I'll give a plug for. It's called Solu, s o l u l s o l u. And it's, you can get it on your phone and uh, whatever. And we sit and I have kids, we do a, a pledge allegiance to their heart. The very last class I taught in Uvalde, which kind of.

[00:20:44] BARRY: Uh, something magical happened. Uh, um, I wrote on the board, I pledge allegiance to my heart and I said, what if we wrote a pledge allegiance to my heart cuz I was in, this is Texas, you not only do the pledge allegiance to the country, you do the pledge to Texas too. Wow. They have two pledges they do in the morning.

[00:21:06] BARRY: And uh, and I remember, you know, I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands one nation under God, which was put in by Eisenhower, by the way, indivisible or we used to always say invisible . One invisible nation that no one can see. , uh, with liberty and justice for all, you know.

[00:21:28] BARRY: And I said, what if we did a pledge for the heart? So I put my hands, but instead of doing one hand, do both actually hold your heart, you know, that expression hold your heart in your hands. And we do that when we sat. And this is how this work has gone for me, cuz I started doing that when I heard a friend of mine, Helen Matheney, she has some work she does called Be Kind.

[00:21:52] BARRY: It's like a thing. And she told me there's some in Vietnam doing this heart meditation with kids and just watching kids with their eyes closed, with their hands, holding their heart is a much very powerful image just to see. So I said, what if we wrote a pledge alegiance to his fifth grade Uvaldi Dual Language Academy?

[00:22:11] BARRY: They speak English and Spanish. Wonderful school, by the way. I said to them, let's write. Can we write it? I said, yeah, what would the first line be? And this is totally unedited. These are just kids raising their hand. First line: "I will always be true to myself". Wow. Next line another kid puts hand up: "I will show Grace to myself and to others."

[00:22:38] BARRY: Kind of like Anne of Green Gables did to the Mean Lady . Uh, and the next line, love this little girl. She goes:" love will always matter." And then she pauses for a minute and goes, "even when I'm mad". , . And then, and then this next hand goes up in the back of the room, actually had this on video. Somebody videoed it for me.

[00:23:02] BARRY: This the last line, last hand goes up and goes, "I won't let the sun go down on my anger." And then, so all I did was add the final line, which is "I will choose the kinder path." I will choose the kinder path. I will choose the kinder path. I did it like a mantra three times. So put your hands over your heart and repeat after me.

[00:23:28] BARRY: I pledge allegiance to my heart. I pledge to, I pledge allegiance to my, my heart. I will always stay true to myself. I, I will always stay true, true to to myself, myself. Love will always matter. Love. Love will always, always, always matter, matter. Even when I'm mad.

[00:23:49] MATT: Even, even when, when I'm mad,

[00:23:51] BARRY: mad , I won't let the sun go down on my anger.

[00:23:57] BARRY: I

[00:23:57] FAWN: will not let the sun, sun go

[00:23:59] BARRY: down, down on my anger. I will choose the kinder path. I will choose, I will choose the the kinder path I, I will choose the kinder path. I'll choose the kinder path.

[00:25:13] BARRY: Yes,

[00:25:14] FAWN: always. We have a thing when we fight someone in the house has to say love is winning . And sometimes we end up yelling it because as soon as we hear it, it kind of makes us laugh. But we're still mad. Even when I'm mad love is

[00:25:29] MATT: winning.

[00:25:33] BARRY: when you think about it, people when they kind of, when. When they fall into what Eckhart Tolle would call unconsciousness with Eckhart Tolle, refuses to use the word evil, which I think is good in a way because evil almost makes it too much of a power. You know, it makes it like, oh, there are these bad villains everywhere.

[00:25:54] BARRY: You know? And maybe there are people who you could call define it evil, but the reality is, uh, unconscious is probably a, more accurate description, you know, because it's really, they're not conscious of their heart or their, or. of, of Umbutu spirit or whatever. Even even the our wonderful golden rule do unto, unto others as you'd have them do unto, unto you.

[00:26:20] BARRY: It, it assumes that there are others. You know, it assumes that, uh, you know, sort of like if it was the Umbutu golden rule would be do unto unto us as you'd have do unto, unto us . It wouldn't assume the othering of the world, you know? Right. And. . And when you make those kinds of, there's a power there that's like Jedi level power to be able to wield that in the world.

[00:26:45] BARRY: That was Martin Luther King level power or Mandela. When he gets outta jail and says, I'm not gonna, you know, he's not gonna go, you know, payback's a bitch. He's not going to take it out on you guys. He's gonna say wait a minute. We all make ourselves. We are all one.

[00:27:02] BARRY: And, we saw what your hate did to you, and we're not gonna let that hate do it to us to crush our spirits and, uh, and your heart. So you need to build a roof over your heart. So everyone take your index finger now, you guys, and make a heart out of your index finger on both hands. , look at me.

[00:27:22] BARRY: Uh, yeah. Make sure you're doing it right. Yeah. . Yeah. You got, now you see you've got the extra fingers. Put your extra fingers on top and now your heart has a. a roof over its head. You know your heart. So there's a song I wrote called Quiet Your Mind, and the, the last verse of that, it was written for Uvalde before I went.

[00:27:43] BARRY: And the story, I don't know, uh, the story about that song is that, uh, I wrote a draft of it and my first draft was more like, Kind of a 60s song and all you need is love. It was kind of like that. And I showed it to my wife and she said, well, it's not very good . And I said, I said, why? She said, because you can't tell kids that everything is okay when horrible things have happened, when their whole lives have fallen apart when their parents are divorced or where they're, someone's died or people have been shot or just horrible things .

[00:28:18] BARRY: People's world does fall apart. So one of the verse, so she wrote the rewrote the whole, she's amazing. She, she doesn't write, but she rewrites amazingly. Um, there's a verse called, that goes like this, that she wrote, like, uh, there's a calm voice deep within me that whispers in my heart, ear, heart, ear. Uh, when I learn to breathe more slowly, I can teach myself to hear my own inner stillness,

[00:28:47] BARRY: my own peace of heart, my own loving kindness when my world falls apart. And that line, my world falls apart. She said, could, is that a line in a kid song? You know? And, and we, and I realize, yeah, it is. You know, I, I quiet my mind and leave the past behind. Breathe in, breathe out. Be right here where I can find myself beyond time.

[00:29:17] BARRY: and I have nothing to fear. And that, that, that's what this song is about, that myself, beyond time, that kids can stand in the truth of the most awful moment and find peace in their heart, and adults can do that too. Mm-hmm. . And yet it's, uh, it sounds glib to say it, but it, uh, there's a great truth there that you can crush a heart

[00:29:46] BARRY: but all the love. So now when I do the heart meditation with kids, I have them do what you just did. Make your heart, put it over your heart, and we'll listen to the tones. And then slowly ra, think of all the people that put love in your heart. You know, your parents, your sister, your dog, your children, your, I don't know what else, who else?

[00:30:10] BARRY: and, uh, just think about it while you hold your hand over your heart and then make the heart, and then they raise the heart slowly up to eye level and they look at the world through the love in their hearts. And what does the world look like now? You know, just like Lady in Green Gables, when she come, goes to Green Gables and she comes back and all of a sudden she's a different person.

[00:30:36] BARRY: She's seeing the world through this love that she found in her heart. So the very last thing you do, I want you guys to do this too, is hold the heart, your heart, close to your heart, and then watch me. We're gonna do it like, this is like basketball. It's like a, about just basketball. Like this. Just throw. Make your heart open and throw all the love away like confetti.

[00:30:58] BARRY: Go 1, 2, 3, go with your, and you gotta wiggle your fingers when you do it too. You get maximum spread on the love maximum. And this is what I say to kids, and this is the great lesson I learned in Uvaldi in September and I'm going there tomorrow again. That song that about the Heart pledge was the very last class I taught there.

[00:31:20] BARRY: And so I'm going back with that, armed with that, to come back into this group of kids and talk about, the lesson I learned was that you've given all your love away. I say this to kids, uh, do it with like, like 400 kids in a, in a cafeteria. You've given all your love away. Now, now your heart is loveless, right?

[00:31:40] BARRY: There's nothing left, and, and I just wait, and this girl goes immediately, hands will go no, you have more love now.

[00:31:51] MATT: You're wrong Barry .

[00:31:53] BARRY: Wait a minute. If I give you all the money in my wallet, would I. , I'd have, I'd be broke. You know, uh, what, how could this be? And, and this little girl, oh my gosh, this little girl in this, in the school in San Antonio, the next week after Uvalde, she looks at me.

[00:32:12] BARRY: She had like pink hair with glitter. She's one of those glitter kid had glitter all over her face. She looked at me and she goes, uh, LOVE IS ETERNAL. Hmm. Love goes on. And then she takes her hands and she starts making a window. Forever and ever and ever. , forever and ever. You guys do it forever and ever. Forever.

[00:32:35] BARRY: Forever

[00:32:36] FAWN: and ever and ever. Hallelujah. Forever.

[00:32:40] BARRY: Hallelujah. Forever and ever and ever. Yeah. And, uh, and that is the lesson now that I get to teach kids, uh, because now I know the answer to that question, but hate can crush your heart.

[00:32:55] FAWN: Which also, leads us to healing a broken heart, can we get more into that?

[00:33:02] FAWN: How do you heal a broken heart?

[00:33:06] BARRY: Wow. Oh boy. That's

[00:33:08] MATT: great question. I've got, I've got my own. Very long-winded, not long-winded, but I have my own answer for

[00:33:14] FAWN: this. Well, well, okay. I want, I wanna hear, I wanna hear yours, of course, Matt, but I wanna hear Barry's, I mean, Barry's now, I mean, going to ground zero, right?

[00:33:24] FAWN: For the second time since the shooting. since the massacre, since Horrible. What? Okay, so these kids, these kids that you're talking to, experienced all of this, what do you say? What, how, and how do you, how do you heal or broken heart? , you know, a lot of us.

[00:33:48] BARRY: That's a great question.

[00:33:49] FAWN: I mean, and a lot of us are, you know, I find that a lot of people disappear when people go through hard times.

[00:33:54] FAWN: People disappear. We, Matt and I have found this to be true in our lives. Like when horrible things happened to us, all of a sudden, people that were our best friends, supposedly they just disappeared. We never heard from them again. They don't know if we're alive or anything. And I think one of the reasons that happens is because people don't know what to say.

[00:34:18] FAWN: And when someone is grieving and you go to them, you end up saying things that you've heard said, and they just sound so, um, canned. So you end up not wanting to deal with it at all because inevitably you're gonna say the wrong thing. , inevitably, you're gonna look foolish, or the person may lash out because that's what they need to do.

[00:34:41] FAWN: But you have to be prepared for that and not take it personally. There's a lot going on, and I think there's a lot going on. I think most people don't have the capacity to deal with it, so they'd rather not, you know, we're all, we've all done

[00:34:55] BARRY: this, I think. Yes, and I think the, the helplessness that people feel in, in presence, You know, real tragedy and horror, but the people really, we forget that the only thing people really need is you, not anything but that, your presence.

[00:35:15] BARRY: And, uh, and, um, I can say from personal experience when my, when my dad died, um, I have a good friend, Tom Genick. Um, I think I've talked about him on the podcast before. Yeah. When, and he. Came to, it was one of these friend, you know how friendships evolve over time. You know, at first, like he was my friend, but I wasn't really his friend that much.

[00:35:40] BARRY: I kind of, mm-hmm. , you know, he was a roommate. He had a certain way of being in the world that was great and it could be difficult sometimes, just not for any real reason. But, but, uh, I didn't know how that we were that friends, but we maintained the friendship over time and.

[00:35:58] BARRY: He came to me when my dad died and we walked to the playground near my parents' house and, and I didn't know what to say or what to do, and I just stood with him and he put his arms around me and I just wept. Um, and uh, after that moment, our friendship just totally changed. It was like, now we were totally equal.

[00:36:19] BARRY: We were like, he was my friend and I was his friend, and it was just like something happened and I realized it was just friendship has nothing to do with all the things we think it has to do with it. There's a, there's another level channel or, or whatever that's going on about just being connected with that person and just connecting. And in Uvalde the kids.

[00:36:42] BARRY: It's sort of, I, I, I was trying describe it in a sentence or two to people when, when I got back, cuz a lot of people wanted to know what it was like. And we have, uh, I'd posted some pictures and stuff of being at the Rob Elementary where the shooting was, where this is incredible outpouring of just stuffed animals everywhere and flowers and just, it's like this giant shrine to, pain and horror and um, but up to love the love of

[00:37:11] BARRY: these souls that were lost. And, um, and so how do you, uh, I described it like hog, the next Harry Potter novel, after all, when they go back to Hogwarts with their stuffies, you know, after the war, you know, and they have to recuperate from the PTSD and all that stuff. And, or to find some healing in themselves.

[00:37:34] BARRY: And, uh, and. , it happens in, uh, being able to tell your story over and over. I once worked with a Cambodian refugee years ago teaching writing, and teachers should complain. Yeah, he always tells all these stories, but they're different every time. Of course, they're different every time because telling the story is what's important and finding the truth in the many versions of the story.

[00:37:58] BARRY: A lot of it is about just sitting with kids, them telling the stories, and being able to find, , a connection and just to be there, you know, the difference between sympathy and empathy, I guess that is what you're talking about Fawn, I think the sympathy is when you say, ah, I'm certainly sorry that happened to you.

[00:38:18] BARRY: You poor loser, . You know, it can be, you know, it's, you were separate. It's othering that person. Right. Empathy. So the very last day when I was in Uvaldi, I did a, a workshop with teachers and. , I sang the song," Quiet Your Mind." And, uh, my, I quiet my mind, but I started to talk about it and I just burst into tears.

[00:38:41] BARRY: I just, not, not just tears, but like heaving sobs and, and I said, what happened here should not have happened, you know, and, and, and just how honored I was just to be in the presence of these teachers who went back into the classroom. It, it was like, beyond heroic to be able to, to take their pain and fear even, you know, and, uh, P T S D.

[00:39:08] BARRY: And there were stories of teachers, uh, who could not bear, the door being open, you know, a door, they'd be in the room and just feel if that door is open, uh, you know, go into panic. And the kinds of things that happen when you have to face all the, the limbic systems, kind of, you know, , you know, continual sense of threat, you know, um, and, uh, but to be able to do that and to go back in and to hug these kids, and the only reason they did it, not because of their salaries or their protecting their pension, the only reason they did it is because there was kids needed them.

[00:39:47] BARRY: And. . I remember just walking casually down the hall and the woman I was with said we had a nice talk with a teacher and she told me afterward that woman's son died in the shooting. And uh, and she was a teacher and she went back in to be with her students to be in. Uh, and I just remember thinking just how these type of events make you realize the bonds that hold people, teachers teaching to me is a calling. It's not a job. And that, uh, these kids need them. Um, so how do you mend the heart? That's the question. Telling the story, being there, you know, or climbing into the pit with them, that's what, I didn't do that till the very end, that last day when I felt

[00:40:35] BARRY: like, I had to, I felt this connection, with these teachers realized that that's really what they have been doing. And, uh, and, you know, actually feeling what, or being there for them, you know, I guess that's what it is. What Tom did for me at the playground when my dad died, uh, maybe is, is it do that for these kids, be there for them.

[00:41:02] BARRY: and, uh, these kids, the other thing I noticed is that these kids were doing it for each other. So much. So many kids, they all bring stuffies with them wherever they go and they, they're, they're like loving each other and they're stuffies, you know? And, um, I was just in a classroom. My great friend Sean, Sean Taylor, great fourth grade teacher in Tucson.

[00:41:24] BARRY: He gives his kids at the beginning of the year, they get their own stuffed animal to take care of. They have to feed it and they put it in their cubby holes. And uh, and uh, and that kind of care, that practicing caring for each other is, is really the key to, to healing.

[00:41:42] FAWN: Which leads us to where does love live?. How would you answer that? Where does love live Barry?

[00:41:50] BARRY: You want me to do it in Jim. My Jim Morrison voice, he lives on Love Street . Hey, uh, where does love live? Love lives. Um hm. Love lives in the spaces, the places cracks within the broken heart.

[00:42:15] BARRY: So the heart is crushed. But there's love, uh, the love is still, when I say the kids is, if your heart is broken, is the love still there? Yeah. Anyone that's had to grieve for a loved one. And when you see, I see these really heartfelt tributes to great people, one of them that died recently as my friend Kevin Locke.

[00:42:36] BARRY: He's a Lakota Sioux dancer. He's traveled around the world, over 90 countries, bringing the spirit of of love and connection to people. And, uh, he died the day I, the week, the two days after I got back from Uvalde. And the same day that my dad died, and he was like a spiritual mentor to me.

[00:42:59] BARRY: Kevin Locke. Yeah. Let me give you a quick example of him. He comes to this elementary school. He was performing at Millbury College and he came to our elementary school as a, as a gift, a friendship to do a free hoop dance with the kids. And the elementary school has a giant picture of a, of an Indian chief guide because, the school mascot is the Raiders.

[00:43:24] BARRY: So I think, oh God, this is so embarrassing. . And he looks at the picture and he talks to the kids, you see the feathers and he used it as a PowerPoint to talk about the nobility of the human spirit to know your higher self. So he took that image, which is what I would call degrading or just awful and he just used to, tell kids about the power of their nobility, of the spirit that they have. , so Kevin Locks, uh, that kind of, the fact that he, and because of that lesson 10 years later, I wrote a song called No, you're By Yourself, which I do with kids. Take it off the shelf, give it room to play every single day.

[00:44:08] BARRY: Forget about the fight, forget about othering other people. Reach for what is right. You can teach yourself to fly like the eagle when you wanna cry. And that's the lesson.

[00:44:25] FAWN: Thank you so much, Barry.

[00:44:27] FAWN: So with that, let's be on our way and step out into the world and remember everything that. we learned from Barry.

[00:44:35] FAWN: Sounds good. Thank you,

[00:44:36] BARRY: it was a great gift to talk with you and Matt now, simply because I got to talk about it and to recenter myself, and try to prepare myself for it. I always feel it's like Jonah and the whale, you know, Jonah, God says to Jonah to go to this place and talk, to talk good stuff, you know, and Jonah says, now I'm gonna go somewhere else.

[00:44:59] BARRY: And then the. Spits him up on the shore in the place where it's gonna be. And you helped me to kind of, uh, recenter myself there. And, I'm going to bring the lessons of the heart and that your heart is like a fortress, that you can stand inside and feel your feet beneath you whenever you try to quiet your mind.

[00:45:21] BARRY: So those lessons of love that happened in the cracks, in people's hearts, I'm reaffirmed in my mission to do that by simply being able to tell you about it and to understand it through talking, understand it myself. So I thank you for this opportunity,

[00:45:40] FAWN: Barry thank you for speaking with us and all of our friends.

[00:45:44] FAWN: And I just realized, Matt, you always talk about the difference between love and hate. Yes. I don't know. I feel. , do you even wanna talk about your identification with that or your explanation for the difference between love and hate, which is greater? I just feel like in this situation that, I mean would you even, I don't know.

[00:46:08] FAWN: Because the, the gravity of the situation uvalde the gravity of the situation. That happens unfortunately all the time in the United States. and around the world, the wars around the world, the hatred around the world, right? The gravity is so immense that, sometimes I feel like I don't wanna say anything cuz whatever I say sounds ridiculous, right?

[00:46:31] FAWN: So I'm kind of afraid to say, Matt what do you, could you tell everyone what you always explain after

[00:46:38] MATT: God? I, I, I look at Barry like a student looks at a teacher. He's a, he's, he feels like my mentor. So, For me to say anything feels like I'm putting a little scoop of frosting on top of this beautiful, well decorated cake that, that, that Barry has provided for us as far as a feast goes.

[00:47:00] MATT: Got it. So yeah, alls I can really say is, you know, ridiculous pithy sayings, but one that sticks out to me in particular is shared joy is increased, shared pain is lessened.

[00:47:16] MATT: and that's all I can

[00:47:17] FAWN: say about it. So you don't wanna get into the love thing? No. Okay. . I mean, I, I understand, I understand. I would just

[00:47:25] MATT: feel like a cartoon after Barry. I

[00:47:27] FAWN: feel you. I feel you . Well,

[00:47:31] BARRY: uh, it's been a real, it's a real joy just to talk with you guys. Just, it's, uh, what you're doing with your podcast to me is, About opening up hearts, which need to be opened.

[00:47:42] FAWN: I'm so grateful for your friendship, Barry, you, you make me feel like I can keep walking. You give me strength. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you. I love you so much. Thank you. We love you the whole. Love you guys. We love you so much. So

[00:48:06] BARRY: to, and I'll, you'll be with me and I'll, I'll report back on another later date.

[00:48:10] BARRY: What happens this time? Cuz it's seems to be an evolving journey. Let's see. Other thing about it? There's no real answer. I mean, Matt was saying, felt like it was being glib or was, and I, I feel that way too. It becomes, I think it's really, it's an evolving story. You know, stay tuned. You know, stay tuned cause this is not stay there you go.

[00:48:32] FAWN: All right. To learn more about Barry, of course, remember forcefieldforgood.com. Link is in the show notes. Alright, everybody will talk to you in just a few days. Take care again, reach out to Barry, reach out to us. There's love all around and we can make it through. Love you guys. Bye. Be well

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**We continue the subject we talk about frequently, which is emotional currency and the ability to pick how we choose to spend this.

How much do we want to invest? Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in an emotion that we forget that we're investing in all this life-sucking stuff. But when we do, and we say "zero," it's FABULOUS because we feel free, because we are free. We're energized.

the fact that when we spend emotional currency like this, not only does it leave room for beauty in our lives, but in
that moment and that realization of," I passed through it and that's kind of saying it's over. I refuse to invest anymore,"our life force comes back because we've gathered ourselves. The different parts of ourselves that were scattered in different directions outside of ourselves because we leaked our vital life force are now restored. We have pulled ourselves back together. Now we have the capacity that is able to make good friends and to BE a good friend.**

**#GetYourselfTogether #HowToBounceBackFromABreakup #RealizeYourOwnPower

When we're upset, we're leaking "currency." When we pull ourselves together, we pull all of humanity together, with compassion and peaceful understanding.**
Support our podcast by telling others and leaving a review. Pick up a free copy of Fawn's workbook "The Ikigai of Friendship" here:

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

THANK YOU with LOVE!

Get it Together, Get a Hold of Yourself ,Capacity Revisited Podcast - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back everybody. Hello?

[00:00:02] Matt: Hello.

[00:00:03] Fawn: Hello, world.

[00:00:04] Matt: Oh dear.

[00:00:04] Fawn: Hello everyone. Thank you for tuning in. Matt and I got into a discussion the other day.

[00:00:10] Matt: Discussion.

[00:00:12] Fawn: love is winning . And so Matt decided that we should argue with ourselves. And a while ago, long time ago, we were talking about currency, all kinds of currency within friendships, within relationships, just all of life.

[00:00:30] Matt: You started talking about emotional currency, which you know, you need to pick how you choose to spend this.

[00:00:36] Fawn: This came from Caroline Myss a long time ago, and she was describing it as you wake up, let's say you wake up with a hundred dollars and every time you get upset with someone, Or your energy gets focused on a particular thing.

[00:00:53] Fawn: For example, someone cuts you off on the road and every time you think about that, in instance, that particular event or that particular person, and you get mad about it, you lose currency every time. When I heard her say this a long time ago, it totally made sense to me. And back then I was also getting over a cheating boyfriend fiance.

[00:01:21] Matt: Not me, folks.

[00:01:22] Fawn: It was not Matt . And when I heard her say this, it totally made sense. I'm like, yeah. And I saw myself at a boardroom and I thought, okay, everybody, and I'm the head of it, how much do we wanna invest in this person? How much do we wanna invest in this particular. Situation,

[00:01:44] Matt: how much do I want to invest in feeling this way?

[00:01:47] Fawn: Because every time that person came up, every time I had like a whole chemical reaction in my body. Like I would get so upset and you can use this example for anything that makes you upset. And I thought to myself, I imagined being a boardroom director and also a judge with a gavel and I made the decision, zero, no more investments cut,

[00:02:13] Matt: cut off.

[00:02:14] Fawn: Yeah. That really helped me. And so ever, and this was years ago and ever since then, that's how I live. I'm like, if, if I'm witty enough or in tuned enough with myself to say whoa. How much do you want to invest? Because sometimes you can just get so wrapped up in an emotion that you just forget that you're investing all this.

[00:02:39] Matt: Right

[00:02:39] Fawn: you forget to ask yourself, how much do you want to invest? You want to continue investing in this? But when you do and you say zero, it really is fabulous. It's immediately, you shift to something else,

[00:02:55] Matt: it's fabulous.

[00:02:56] Fawn: It is because you feel free.

[00:02:57] Matt: It is absolutely.

[00:02:58] Fawn: You're free and energized.

[00:03:00] Matt: Right

[00:03:01] Fawn: and so we were talking about the fact that when you spend emotional currency like this,

[00:03:07] Matt: right,

[00:03:08] Fawn: that it doesn't leave room for other things in your life that Yes.

[00:03:12] Matt: The good things. So that was the thing. And then Matt decided, you know what? I'm gonna argue against this. And you said what? You said that there's actually infinite currency out there, and I totally agree with you. There is infinite currency. You don't wake up with only a hundred you don't wake up with a certain amount, like a unit of energy, right

[00:03:35] Fawn: you are. We are all supernatural beings. We have the ability to be infinite in so many ways. Mm. So tell our friends what you were saying, the argument you had with yourself and then with me, .

[00:03:50] Matt: Okay. Okay. Well, scientists are, are studying willpower, not emotional currency, but it's, it's somehow linked.

[00:03:58] Matt: And they're talking about how depending on mindset, you may or may not be spending your willpower currency, which is again, subtly different that there, there is a way to shift your mind, shift your focus, and start thinking about willpower as being truly an infinite resource instead of being a battery that keeps getting depleted.

[00:04:23] Fawn: Okay? And I said, well, yes, because if you tune into a higher power, if you get centered with whatever you wanna call it, the universe, your inner self, your higher self, God, whatever you choose to label it, if you're operating from that, if you're grounded in that, yes, it's infinite power. However, when you're, when you're thinking of the jerk that yelled at you, that cut you off on the road or a thief that took off with your stuff, it's a baseline emotion.

[00:05:01] Matt: Yes, very much

[00:05:02] Fawn: so. I'm not in my supernatural spirit power when I'm thinking about that. Cuz I'm thinking from a scarcity point, I'm thinking from a fear-based point. Right? And I think at that stage, you don't have infinite power. So what do you have to say about that ?

[00:05:20] Matt: Okay. Okay. Okay, so again, we're talking about, willpower. We're talking about there's a chocolate bar sitting in the fridge and oh my goodness, I shouldn't eat it, but I want it, but I shouldn't eat it, but I want it. And going through the cavortations of dealing with that over the course of a day, or, you know, constantly be being, you know, wanting to do something , and continually denying yourself from doing it.

[00:05:48] Matt: Okay. So that's what we're really talking about here as far as willpower goes. . So I think, when we accumulate these temptations, when we have so many coming at us all day every day, I do think most people would say it feels more difficult. Things get more difficult as the day progresses.

[00:06:05] Matt: You know, I really want to, relieve some of these temptations. I want either them to get out of my life or I wanna succumb to them. , right?

[00:06:14] Fawn: I don't know. I never thought about it like that. I don't really go through life with temptation. If I like something, I do it. I don't know. Are you faced with a bunch of temptations, Matt? We

[00:06:27] Matt: have chocolate in the house. My God, it's everywhere. . It's not everywhere, but Oh my goodness.

[00:06:34] Fawn: No, but I mean, do you go through life thinking? I have to deprive myself like I'm tempted, so I can't, I, I don't know. I never think about it like that.

[00:06:44] Matt: Well, it's like, I'm like Augustus Gloop sometimes from,

[00:06:48] Matt: I

[00:06:48] Fawn: don't know who that is

[00:06:49] Matt: from. Um, Willy Wonka, the Chocolate factory. Oh, right. You know, the little, the little German boy who loves

[00:06:53] Matt: chocolate

[00:06:53] Fawn: guys. Here's what I have to do. So we like baking. I think you all know that we bake, we we're major chefs over.

[00:07:03] Fawn: So there is a jar of chocolate that is meant for baking. And Matt, if he sees it, we have to hide it.

[00:07:12] Matt: But's a lovely chocolate.

[00:07:13] Fawn: We have to hide it because when we go to bake a chocolate cake, It has mysteriously, there's like one or three little nuggets left in this big jar that used to be a big jar of chocolate

[00:07:26] Fawn: And so this happened years ago when we lived on Bainbridge Island and there were a bunch of raccoons around our house, and there was one raccoon in particular that was so weird, like

[00:07:40] Matt: Rocky,

[00:07:42] Fawn: unbelievable. This raccoon was out of a cartoon . He would mess with us and laugh at us this raccoon, it was, it was nuts.

[00:07:51] Fawn: Like he would show us his butt. He would do something like, what did he do? Matt . That was really funny. One day like, He was getting into something and we're like, Hey, get out of there. And he looked at us like, oh yeah. And then he showed us his butt, like on purpose, turned around lifted his butt and flashed us, like mooned us .

[00:08:11] Fawn: And then he went back to what he was doing. We're like, oh, my son of a biscuit. What the, the, what is going on? And. Why, and it was broad daylight too, right?

[00:08:23] Fawn: And

[00:08:23] Matt: And what do you do in that case when you know, literally they're like, whatever.

[00:08:26] Fawn: So anyway, so what I did was I didn't wanna accuse Matt of stealing the chocolate because back then the kids weren't born yet.

[00:08:34] Fawn: So it was just Matt and . It was just Matt. And so I started to write notes around any chocolate jar meant for baking. And I said, dear Rocky, This is meant for baking chocolate cake. Please don't.

[00:08:53] Matt: But that, that raccoon, he'd get into it. I, I, I don't know. I don't know how he got in the house, but,

[00:08:59] Fawn: but I really meant Matt. Cause I knew Matt .

[00:09:02] Matt: Oh, I'm offended.

[00:09:04] Fawn: Anyway, so anyway, back to. Back to temptation. So do you think most people go through life tempted all, all day? Not

[00:09:12] Matt: all day, but I think that there are even kind of temptations people, you know, pass through.

[00:09:18] Matt: I mean, for me, I think it's primarily more food-based than anything, to be honest. But I remember, I, I would drive to work and I'd be like, should I stop and get coffee? Should I, should I, you know, it's like these little thoughts go rattling through your. .

[00:09:33] Fawn: That's weird. I don't know if I'm in denial, but I, I wanna say I, I'm not, I don't live by temptation.

[00:09:39] Fawn: Right. I don't know. Right. I, it, it's not in my, it's not in my, uh, it's not in my sphere, you know?

[00:09:47] Matt: Exactly. Exactly. Which is one of the things that makes it very difficult to talk about this subject. Right. Okay, so go on. So, so, so there's, there's, I guess our initial question is, temptation, willpower, , or let's talk about, you know, the other side of it.

[00:10:01] Matt: Like, I gotta buckle down and I have to, when I was in school, I have to write a report and I have to get this report done. If I get it done now it's like three weeks before it's due. Why procrastinate? Why not just get it done. . Right. I think that's, I another kind of thought that people have and they go through, because I remember I had one particular quarter in school where I was like, uhoh, , I'm in trouble here in college and I better buckle down and fly right otherwise, bad things are going to happen. So , I hit what was much closer to, I suppose, my full potential. , you know, I took school a hundred percent. It, it was my number one. Okay. And everything else was my number two.

[00:10:40] Fawn: So what's your point?

[00:10:42] Fawn: I'm,

[00:10:42] Matt: I'm saying is if you have in your head that willpower is like a battery and willpower gets depleted over the course of a day and you need to do something to recharge yourself. or go to the spa or whatever it is. Okay. Yeah. That is one mindset, but there is another mindset, but

[00:11:05] Fawn: Okay. Can just, why are you choosing the word willpower, though?

[00:11:09] Fawn: I don't, I think that's what's bothering me. I don't get it. I don't, I don't get what that has to do with energetic wellbeing. Can you use another word for it? I think that's what's tripping me.

[00:11:21] Matt: We could call it mental exhaustion if you'd rather, yeah. Okay. We

[00:11:24] Fawn: can talk about, cause I can relate to that.

[00:11:26] Matt: Okay.

[00:11:26] Matt: We can

[00:11:27] Fawn: talk mental exhaustion. That's fine. Yeah. I can talk about mental exhaustion all day. Okay. . .

[00:11:34] Matt: Even though I'm exhausted, I can talk about it all day. ,

[00:11:37] Fawn: well nevermind. Go ahead. .

[00:11:39] Matt: The other, the other kind of mindset that scientists have actually discovered. They found people who have this mindset or, um, what.

[00:11:49] Matt: I'm about to describe the mindset. Oh, okay. . Sorry, go ahead.

[00:11:53] Fawn: Oh my goodness. I'm sorry guys. I'm, I didn't sleep well. Go ahead.

[00:12:01] Matt: At least she's laughing folks. So if you've just gone through an emotionally draining event, what should be an emotionally draining event? There is a mindset that says that you can feel like, oh my God, I just overcame this emotionally draining event. What if, what if you didn't strengthened by that I have a new resolve and I can stand strong against new things that would be out there that would wish to exhaust me.

[00:12:32] Fawn: So when your, when your heart has been broken, you can say, I made it. I'm stronger instead of I choose to not open up ever again. . Yeah, exactly. Like I made it

[00:12:46] Matt: through, but that's making it through. That's again, that to me, like emotional, like that, that kind of emotional breakup or that kind of stuff, that's a whole process and you need to like move through and past it.

[00:12:59] Matt: To me, that takes an interesting amount of time

[00:13:02] Fawn: and effort. Well, you know, a few episodes back we talked. , the breakup we've talked about. Mm-hmm. , various different ways of breakups. Breaking up in a friendship is just as painful as a romantic break it can be for sure. And I wanna say it happens more often than meeting the love of your life and you've broken up.

[00:13:26] Matt: Right, and And I would agree. I'm saying cause, but I would, I would also say that, you know, it's almost like to, in order to discuss this properly, you need to start thinking through the whole aspect of, you know, . I've been on both sides of a breakup. I've broken up with people and I've been broken up with and caught completely flatfooted.

[00:13:46] Matt: So if we talk about when you make the decision to break up with somebody, it's that it's at that moment because that's the moment where you're like, okay, I'm making this decision. You're cut off. I'm not spending anymore emotional currency on you. Whatever it is. , like you're cut off.

[00:14:03] Matt: It's that moment and it's that realization of, I passed through it

[00:14:09] Fawn: and that's kind of saying it's over. I refuse to invest anymore. Right. And as soon as you come to that realization, that's when you feel a charge. Yes. Like your life force comes

[00:14:19] Matt: back. Exactly. You feel a charge right there. Exactly.

[00:14:23] Matt: Because you have passed through it. Now, of course, because that happens on the other

[00:14:27] Fawn: side too, because you've gathered yourself, right? It's in pieces of yourself, keep going out in different directions. And that's Yes, and that's the key. So when you stop it immediately, you are restored. Right.

[00:14:39] Matt: And for me, there's always this inherent, and scientists discover this too, but there's this inherent moment of clarity because I've now had the opportunity to

[00:14:51] Matt: think on it to remember the pros, the cons, and the indifference about it. So I get to the high place from it because that gives me an opportunity to perform my own introspection, which is again, the key behind this willpower, emotional exhaustion and the whole bit. It's actually, the, the important part for me anyways is focusing on the history of it and then pushing past.

[00:15:21] Fawn: Have you noticed that when that happens, the person always feels it and then they try to amend, right? Yeah. What, what can, and you haven't said, what can I do? But you haven't said a word. You haven't even been there physically. Mm-hmm. , like they sense it even if they, they have not seen you. Heard from you.

[00:15:43] Fawn: They sense that. Isn't that interesting? It is. Well, another example,

[00:15:46] Matt: people are more connected than they're willing to admit.

[00:15:48] Fawn: Exactly. I I was just gonna say another example of interconnectedness. Another example, how we are so beautifully intertwined and interlaced that we do pick up on each other. Period.

[00:16:04] Fawn: right? I was gonna say, we do pick up on each other's emotions, everything. So if you think whatever happens on the other side of the world, people who think, oh, that's the other side of the world. It doesn't affect me, or That's that group. It doesn't affect me. It does. It totally does.

[00:16:22] Matt: It totally does.

[00:16:23] Fawn: You may not you, you guys, but like people who think that, think that it doesn't affect them, but I think that their heart is closed,

[00:16:34] Fawn: emotional heart is so closed in so many ways. . They're not aware of things. They're not aware of feelings. It's like a person who's not totally in tune with their body and when there's pain, when the body is trying to tell them something, they don't even hear it. They don't sense it. You know what I'm saying?

[00:16:57] Fawn: They're desensitized, is what I'm trying to say. So they don't see how this group over here, they may think has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with them. If one person hurts over here, it is affecting everybody. Anyway, so Go ahead Matt. , I just wanted to, I'm sorry. It's just the other night I was part of my writing group and they brought up this book called Seen and Unseen, and it's about the, um, it's a children's book actually.

[00:17:30] Fawn: But it's about the Japanese internment camp, right? And the author of the book was, uh, is or she or her godmother was Dorothy Lang, one of my favorite photographers. You guys, I'm sure you've seen her pictures if you're not into photography. She did all the like the most. I wanna say beautiful. Uh, beautiful but

[00:17:58] Matt: tragic.

[00:17:58] Matt: Beautiful. Timeless, yeah. Dust bowl farmers,

[00:18:02] Fawn: right? During the depression, so you've seen pictures, um, of the Dust Bowl era. It's pretty much probably Dorothy Lang. Anyway, so that was her godmother. She used three photographers in this. To portray what happened in the internment camps. Right? And she chose Ansel Adams, Dorothy Lang, oh, I'm, I'm forgetting the most important one, the mo, the most important photographer who was Japanese.

[00:18:32] Fawn: And so basically it showed, seen and unseen. Dorothy Lang photographed a whole bunch of stuff, and most of her, I don't know about most, but a lot of images that she took. Taken, disqualified not to be seen by the powers that be because

[00:18:51] Matt: they were potentially embarrassing.

[00:18:55] Fawn: They, yeah. They didn't want you to know about what was happening.

[00:18:59] Fawn: And she photographed before the internment camps started to come about, like she saw it coming. Mm-hmm. . And she was trying to warn people and one of her friends was Ansel Adams. and I, I heard this quote about her saying about Angela Adams, you know, he's my friend, but he just doesn't get it.

[00:19:22] Matt: Right.

[00:19:22] Fawn: And she was talking about what was happening with the internment camps and what had happened.

[00:19:28] Fawn: And so she photographed it before and during, and then Ansel Adam's photographed it towards the end and he photographed the internment camps in a way that was like a gap ad. , it looked like everybody was having fun. Everybody was smiling, you know, playing ball. It, it was weird. It was, you know, like, it just made me think lesser of Ansel Adams.

[00:19:57] Fawn: Right. Well, and then, do you know what I'm saying? Like, they don't get it. They don't get it. But, and then the, the Japanese photographer obviously, like he went into the camp. Mm-hmm. , he was taken into the camp and he managed to take a lense and a and a negative holder and figured out a way to make a makeshift camera.

[00:20:18] Fawn: And he photographed what was happening on the inside. Right. Which no one was allowed to photograph. Right. So anyway, I'm sorry. Why am I bringing this up? I got all upset, . I know you did what you said. People who don't get it, people who don't get it. Like certain family members, I'm not gonna bring up right now who don't get.

[00:20:37] Fawn: Who don't, who think that this group, whatever group it is, it's like they're not even human. Do you know what I'm saying? They dehumanize people. Right. But I'm saying that they actually feel all these people at the same time and they're not aware of it, and it's eating them up. Am I, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not articulating myself while I'm today you are.

[00:21:03] Matt: Unfortunately, I can't bring us back to center on this one, which is the unfortunate part.

[00:21:07] Fawn: It's okay. Go back to what you were saying. Sorry, Matt. Oh dear. This is all the stuff that's on my mind and when I don't sleep, I, uh, I tend to go off on tangent. Sorry guys. Okay. Go back. So we were talking about energy and we were talking about.

[00:21:24] Matt: Retrospection is very important, but you have to be at a point where you can do that retrospection. That's one way that you fuel your everything, your emotional currency, your willpower, your everything. . That's how you maybe build if, if you can't let go of the whole battery thought. Cuz it's very compelling cuz there are those days you just feel run down.

[00:21:51] Matt: It feels like you started with a full charge and it just went down that day.

[00:21:56] Fawn: Oh yeah. It could happen in an instant, it could be fully charged within. Something will just get you, we'll

[00:22:02] Matt: just get ya. Yeah. Yeah. So in this way, as far as retrospection is, you're just trying to get a bigger battery. You're trying to.

[00:22:12] Matt: Bigger battery, and it's the thinking of the things you've overcome, the things that you have done that help you with your endurance, your emotional kind of endurance, if you will, which is a very, very hard thing to do in the moment. I know.

[00:22:27] Fawn: Well, you know, as long as I'm made aware of it, I can snap myself out of it rather quickly.

[00:22:35] Fawn: You go deep and wallow in it. You swim and bathe in it like it's a bubble bath.

[00:22:40] Matt: It's so warm.

[00:22:41] Fawn: Oh my God. ,

[00:22:42] Matt: it's

[00:22:42] Matt: warm in here.

[00:22:43] Fawn: So when you, when you get upset, Matt?

[00:22:46] Matt: Yes.

[00:22:47] Fawn: Oh my God.

[00:22:47] Matt: Sometimes when I do.

[00:22:49] Fawn: Wow. Wow. You just wallow in it sometimes. and it's, I was gonna say, Matt, what do you do? I'm like, you know what? You guys don't wanna know what Matt does.

[00:23:00] Fawn: I No, no. There's a process, but I'll tell you what I do. There is a process for Matt, but my goodness, it's just too long. It's like a long three hour movie that should be just be an hour and a half .

[00:23:15] Matt: But I'm a big fan of Akira Kurosawa

[00:23:17] Fawn: he, I was gonna bring that up. Either ,

[00:23:19] Fawn: that is totally it. But you know me, I'm just like, let's just get, get to the good stuff.

[00:23:27] Fawn: I have

[00:23:27] Matt: things to do edited for television. I don I don't wanna feel bad.

[00:23:30] Fawn: That's, that's your movies. I feel bad too much. So please. So I'm like, let me get outta here. So that's my famous phrase. I gotta get outta here. I gotta get outta here in one way or another. Like if it's a situation, I gotta get outta here, right?

[00:23:42] Fawn: I'm sorry, I'm just gonna remove myself. So you can do that or you will, you still have to get outta there to go meditate somewhere quiet. Just, you know, meditate doesn't have to be, you sit in a lotus position and all that. It could be just sit somewhere and connect right with your power. Anyway, so let's move on

[00:24:04] Matt: So let's move on. So I think, I think you phrased it just eloquently right there. So let's move on. Let's figure out how you can remove yourself from a given situation of emotional turmoil and take a step back and think it through. And then remember who you are. Remember your power, feel your inner Popeye and feel

[00:24:26] Fawn: the strength from there.

[00:24:29] Fawn: Remind new listeners what inner Popeye is.

[00:24:32] Matt: So inner Popeye. Popeye is this guy, he's a cartoon character. And you know what? With Popeye, I am what I am, that's his saying. And you know what you. He is so self-aware. He knows exactly who he is, exactly where he's going. He understands his motivations completely.

[00:24:50] Matt: He is completely self-aware. Inner Popeye is when you reach that kind of condition within yourself.

[00:24:57] Fawn: You don't care what other people think of you. You are just going to be you. You're not apologetic about. Who you are. Oh, but having said that, I think of certain leaders that are never apologizing for this stuff, it's not about that.

[00:25:12] Fawn: It's not about doing harm and being unapologetic. It's about he has really big forearms. So what , you know what I'm saying? He's not gonna try to slim down his forearms. He has big, like ridiculous forearms, you know? He's un unapologetic about it. That's, that's him. Yes. Um, you know, another example that you bring up all the time regarding this is, O Sensei the founder of Aikido, right?

[00:25:47] Fawn: And you say, like, whenever we talk about something or when I, when I'm stuck on something or I don't wanna hurt someone's feelings, or I'm dealing with a difficult friendship or different situation, you know. , you say something about the mat, like you gotta keep walking on the mat. You say something like that.

[00:26:05] Fawn: What do you say? Okay,

[00:26:06] Matt: so famous demonstration. He's a frail old man and he was, this is , he was this great, et cetera, et cetera. I saw him as a warrior when he was younger, but when he got older he, his mind, his mind shifted. And there's a famous demonstration that he walks from one corner , of a mat to the other corner.

[00:26:26] Matt: So it's kind of this square mat he walks from one. In the interim, 20 different guys tried to, stop him and he just didn't let him. Right? So he moved where he had to move. He did what he had to do and he made it to the end. He made it to the other edge

[00:26:42] Fawn: and it, it just cracks me up because that's how I got into Aikido and that's what made me stop wanting to get into Aikido.

[00:26:49] Matt: Cause I would see these demonstrations of him doing. And it looked so fake. It looks so fake. It looks cartoonishly ridiculous because here's this very skinny ti, tiny little man . He looks like he's frail. He's definitely not. And he's walking. And all these big burly guys that look like they're seven feet tall are charging at him, and it looks like he's just lifting his little pinky or his index finger, and these guys are suddenly flying across the.

[00:27:21] Matt: Sorry, that was me flying , but you know what I mean. They were flying across the room and I'm like, that is the most set up artificial thing I've ever seen. Right. I'm not gonna study that. When my martial artist friends were like, you should study Aikido. I'm like, no , that's a,

[00:27:42] Matt: that's a baby er. That

[00:27:44] Fawn: is some fake

[00:27:45] Fawn: Uh, no thank you. And then when I experienced it for myself, right, I was like, whoa, this is legit . This is legitimate and it's energetic and yeah, it's fascinating. Yes. What happens when you're actually physically in that situation and a black belt is working with. and you experience that energy and that, that flying sensation

[00:28:13] Fawn: Exactly. Um, but yeah, it always cracks me up when I'm in a difficult situation. And you say there's this phrase that you use though. , you just say, you just gotta, you're crossing the mat. Cross the mat. Don't let anything get in your way, but you have a particular way of saying it that you're not saying right now.

[00:28:30] Fawn: Oh dear. I can't remember. Uh,

[00:28:31] Matt: but

[00:28:31] Fawn: you say, I remember it in the moment. I know don't, but anyway. But that's, that's the gist of it. Would you say sometimes you have to do that, Matt? Or always? I mean, sometimes you have to give and say if a friend is coming, Not an attack, but

[00:28:48] Matt: like, right. But y it's important I think, to step back and just try and take a look at everything around you because, you know, there are certain spots.

[00:28:58] Matt: You know, my kids obviously are, are an incredible emotional blind spot for me. I can't necessarily be objective when it comes to my kids period. much sometimes my wife chagrin. Um, I can. You know, um, but it's, it's important where you can to step back and take a look and remember, and that's one of the things that helps us feel strong.

[00:29:24] Matt: And that's one of the things that helps us do more to manifest our inner Popeye and bring that forward into our day, into our life.

[00:29:33] Fawn: Okay. That's very well, and I don't wanna make this a super long. But when you get into that mood, Matt, yes. What snaps you out of it? Because I said it takes forever.

[00:29:45] Fawn: Sometimes it's a process and you drag everybody else with

[00:29:48] Matt: you. It's a process and it takes time

[00:29:51] Fawn: and Yeah, but what am I supposed to do? I don't wanna be affected by you then don't be, but I am because I love you. I So what do you do? I

[00:29:59] Matt: get emotional blind spot. It's, it's hard.

[00:30:01] Fawn: I don't know what to do. Right?

[00:30:02] Fawn: I, I can't leave you alone. I wanna make things better for. If I leave the room or leave the house, I know you're sitting there moping and or you know, it just makes me feel I'm processing. I know, but it makes me feel terrible. I feel scared. I feel like I know baby. I'm Is he okay? Is he, is it going to turn into a physical ailment?

[00:30:22] Fawn: Cuz he's so upset. You know what I'm saying? Yes. So any solutions there, Matt? He's just staring at me. ,

[00:30:31] Matt: tell me you love me and. . That's

[00:30:33] Fawn: about all do I can say. What do you mean? Tell you I love you. And then go out. Yes, go outside. Leave you alone maybe. Really? Yeah. But what if I'm stuck in the house with you?

[00:30:43] Fawn: What am I supposed to do then? I just feel bad for

[00:30:45] Matt: you.

[00:30:46] Fawn: I'm sorry. . Oh my god. . Okay, let's move on. from N two next. Oh, did you make the entire point? That's all we had to say.

[00:30:58] Matt: That. . That was the entire, yes. Lower part of my sheet. All right. Okay.

[00:31:06] Fawn: All right then. Alrighty

[00:31:08] Matt: then. .

[00:31:11] Fawn: So infinite or non

[00:31:12] Matt: infinite? It depends on your point of view.

[00:31:16] Matt: Make it more infinite. That would be what I would say.

[00:31:19] Fawn: So when, when things go awry. Gather your power, gather yourself, gather your power. Get yourself together. Yourself. Exactly. Oh my God. Okay. Get yourself together. Right

[00:31:30] Matt: and right. How do you bounce back from breakup?

[00:31:34] Fawn: But you know what? Realize your power turn.

[00:31:36] Fawn: Look at that. Get yourself together. When you are upset, you are leaking currency. Yes. From your physical body. Yes. Sometimes. And when you focus, you gather yourself, right? You're getting yourself together, right? So get your spiritual, physical, emotional body in the same space, in the same center, and connect to your beautiful, powerful point.

[00:32:08] Fawn: and that is getting yourself together. Get yourself together, . Get it together, folks. , can I tell you that next time you're in a wallow, can I say get it together, Matt? Then you get No. You know what? There's no talking to you. You get is mad. There's no talking to me. Matt will get upset for I can't say anything.

[00:32:29] Fawn: You

[00:32:29] Matt: know what? Next time just make me cookies.

[00:32:32] Fawn: You know, even that doesn't work. I've tried chocolate milk, , .

[00:32:41] Matt: Then just let me be a little spoiled child

[00:32:44] Fawn: for a minute. Oh, can I ask you to leave ?

[00:32:47] Matt: Oh dear. You know, I'd love to say yes and I would have the emotional maturity to deal with it, but there

[00:32:56] Fawn: are those moments.

[00:32:57] Fawn: No, I don't wanna, I don't want to. The worlds to never. It's big. Probably safer for you at home, . It probably is. So I should leave. Okay. All right everybody. Thanks for listening. Love you. Love is winning. Oh dear. Love is winning. Talk to you later. Be well everyone. so.

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I have an objection! I mean, they constantly say when people don't have friends when they're lonely, it's going to cause cancer. It's going to cause heart problems. It's like smoking 10 packs a day of cigarettes. It's like all they do is scare people. Thanks. Thanks for grabbing a headline and then dropping us off a cliff and saying, okay, bye-bye. I wish we had the audience the massive audience that all these “experts” have because instead of fear, we are actually creating a friendly world.

In today's episode, we're talking about official or superficial friendships. How do you know if you actually have a friend, why do you depend on something else or somebody else to include you in a friend group, like these people that are parents who are like, oh, don't worry, you'll make friends when your kids make friends, like through their friends. That is so backward. It should be the other way around. . It should be your friends or your children looking at you as an example of how you treat a friendship and how you create a friendship or when you get into a conflict, how you resolve that conflict, or how you walk away from a friendship to maintain your life and your integrity.

**Your friends or people who may be watching you that you aren't even aware of. You are a walking role model in society. You are your own brand ambassador. Everybody is.

We also talk about the Greek word PHILOI, a word that roughly translates to "friend". This type of friendship is based on the characteristically Greek value for reciprocity as opposed to a friend that exists as an end to itself.**

**We also explore the word friend in old English. . It's spelled F R E O N D and guess what it means? To love. To favor. Isn't that nice?

That leads me to another objection I have. There are more and more articles, which is great; talking about friendship and seem to love rules for friendship and I have an objection to that.**

**Familiar rather than fellowship.

Official or Superficial - TRANSCRIPT**

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello?

[00:00:01] Matt: Hello.

[00:00:03] Fawn: How's it going? How's everybody doing out there? Hello, world.

[00:00:07] Matt: Hopefully wonderfully,

[00:00:08] Fawn: so. Objection I have, I've had an objection for a few years now. Major objection.

[00:00:15] Matt: Objection?

[00:00:16] Fawn: Yeah. Um, okay, so we've been obviously talking about the Art of Friendship for many years actually,

[00:00:24] Matt: I know

[00:00:25] Fawn: many years before we started the podcast.

[00:00:29] Fawn: My objection is to all those experts out there that have the degrees and the doctorates and PhDs, whatever, it's the same thing, right? PhD, doctorate, whatever. Even people I really look up to, like, you know, the Brene Browns and the Surgeon General. Ah. Vivek Murthy okay. My objection is this. I keep listening to these guys.

[00:00:54] Fawn: Mm-hmm. and, and I'm not picking any one person out in particular, but Matt, they're saying the same stuff over and over again. They're not offering solutions, which is what we're doing on this podcast. We're offering solutions

[00:01:10] Matt: and we're trying to push the conversation

[00:01:12] Fawn: forward. Yeah. But yet, We don't have the notoriety that they do.

[00:01:18] Fawn: I e like we don't have the gazillion million people.

[00:01:24] Matt: That is true.

[00:01:25] Fawn: Followers, whatever you wanna call them that they do. But here's my objection is. I mean, they constantly say when people don't have friends, when they're lonely, it's like, it's going to cause cancer. It's going to cause heart problems. It's like smoking 10 packs a day of cigarettes.

[00:01:45] Fawn: It's like all they do is scare

[00:01:46] Matt: people. Right. Thanks. Thanks for grabbing a headline and then dropping us off a cliff and saying, okay, bye-bye. And

[00:01:54] Fawn: I mean, and they're making the headlines, but hello, let's, I mean, we, and we've been offering solutions like every episode, even if we're talking about blockchain is about , the art of friendship and how we can transform our society into a friendlier one, blah, blah.

[00:02:15] Fawn: La La la , right? . So that's my objection. And so today's episode we're talking about official or superficial. How do you know if you actually have a friend, or sometimes you're feeling like, well, I'll take what I can get. So like a nod in the neighborhood will make you think, oh, my friend. And then, you know, then you can.

[00:02:43] Fawn: Go down the line and all of a sudden you're like, something will happen and you realize, oh, that's not what, that was really not a friend. And that's where we come in. That's what we've been talking about is the art of friendship and going back to Aristotle and really taking a look at the different kinds of friendships, like we've discussed this on all the episodes, so I'm not gonna bore you again with a repeat.

[00:03:05] Fawn: So today,

[00:03:09] Fawn: official or superficial. Immediately, like I always go to the same example of living on Bainbridge Island and we would see people and they would literally nod and that they thought that that was friendship, but we couldn't get anyone to party with us

[00:03:29] Fawn: And by party, I mean like, you know, have a meal with us or hang out, you know, like laugh and just be, to save our lives. Like it was ridiculous.

[00:03:42] Matt: Right, right. And the assumptions people would make. Oh, well, you know, and they'll make friends when they have children in school and they'll make friends with their children's friends.

[00:03:54] Matt: But then what happens after your children

[00:03:55] Fawn: graduate? But it's also that that's the wrong way to go when. You say, and not just kids. I mean most of our audience who don't have kids, or they're like very young. It's like, wow, why do you depend on something else or somebody else to include you in a friend group, like these people that are parents who are like, oh, don't worry, you'll make friends when your kids make friends, like through their friends.

[00:04:21] Fawn: I'm like, whoa, that is so backwards. It should be the other way around. . It should be your friends or your children looking at you as an example of how you treat a friendship and how you create a friendship or when you get into a conflict, how you resolve that conflict, or how you walk away from a friendship to maintain your life, your integrity, exactly.

[00:04:47] Matt: Your children look to you for, to help frame kind of these kinds of relationships, conversations throughout their entire life,

[00:04:56] Fawn: and not just friendship, I mean not just kids. But your other friends or people who may be watching you that you aren't even aware of. You are a walking role model in society.

[00:05:08] Matt: You are your own brand ambassador.

[00:05:11] Fawn: Everybody is.

[00:05:12] Matt: Yes.

[00:05:13] Fawn: All right, so going back again, of course, let's go back and figure out a word PHILOI again. Once again, guys, I'm so sorry. I'm mispronouncing it. I'll just spell it. P H I L O I. All right. Here's the translation or the definition.

[00:05:36] Fawn: It's a word that roughly translates to "friend". This type of friendship is based on the characteristically Greek value for reciprocity as opposed to a friend that exists as an end to itself. Matt, I don't understand that definition. . What does, what does that mean when something says, as opposed to a friend that exists as an end to itself, what does that mean, an end to itself?

[00:06:02] Fawn: You gotta look,

[00:06:02] Matt: I think, more at the first part of it. And what they're saying is it's a two-way street. So, You're giving and getting all at once, and that sounds almost mean, or miserly or something because you should just be giving to all your friends Absolutely. All the time. I get it. But you also need to take that slightly, and in my mind it is slightly cynical view and, and making sure that, um, it's a two-way street.

[00:06:36] Matt: Making sure that you know they're giving you almost to maybe even better than what you give them.

[00:06:45] Fawn: Okay. Well, all right. That leads me to another objection I have. Objection. I'm starting to see more and more articles, which is great; talking about friendship. Mm-hmm. and everybody now has rules for friendship and I have an objection to that.

[00:06:59] Fawn: Okay. As well, because much like when you, our first date, you chose for us to go, what do you call it? Miniature golfing.

[00:07:08] Matt: Yeah. Bring it. That's old school.

[00:07:10] Fawn: Oh my God. That angrified me. . That's my personal word that I developed. Angrify oh, I don't like to play games and I don't like keeping score. I feel rage. So here was Matt.

[00:07:22] Fawn: He had a tiny little like notepad.

[00:07:25] Matt: You get that stupid

[00:07:26] Matt: little scorecard, you get the tiny little stub of

[00:07:29] Matt: a pencil

[00:07:30] Fawn: and with such glee he would put down the marks like, you know, cuz he was wi... You know, he was . I had never miniatured golf in my life. I hadn't been

[00:07:39] Matt: miniature golfing in many years.

[00:07:40] Fawn: It doesn't.

[00:07:41] Fawn: Okay. But like, wow. It was like keeping a score like that. I never liked it. I don't like it in games. I don't, I don't like it in the corporate world. I don't like it in friendship. I don't, I think it's terrible and

[00:07:57] Matt: I completely feel you. And that's yet, I completely disagree with you. What?

[00:08:02] Fawn: See, this is why you call me Chewbacca because it's the, it's the score

[00:08:06] Fawn: keeping them makes me insane.

[00:08:08] Matt: It's the glee.

[00:08:09] Fawn: Everything should be cooperative. It's

[00:08:11] Matt: the glee that

[00:08:11] Matt: makes you insane.

[00:08:12] Fawn: No, it's the

[00:08:13] Fawn: losing

[00:08:13] Matt: that you, and here's the thing, what does cooperative mean? Let's take it, let's take it out of friendship. And I'd liked you talking about it as far as business

[00:08:21] Matt: goes.

[00:08:21] Fawn: What?

[00:08:21] Fawn: Okay. Can you, can you hold your thought because I wasn't done. I wasn't done with my definitions. . All right. Look, I have another, okay, so friend is old English. . It's spelled F R E O N D and guess what it means? To love. To favor. Isn't that nice?

[00:08:40] Matt: It is.

[00:08:41] Fawn: All right. When you're done explaining your thing, I wanna get back to the list.

[00:08:45] Fawn: The list people are making that I'm objecting to. Objection. Okay, go ahead. What were you gonna say?

[00:08:51] Matt: Okay.

[00:08:51] Fawn: Cooperative. Right, so if I'm on a team mm-hmm. , it's at work. Let's take it away from games and let's take it out of superficialness and start bringing it to someplace that people feel should be serious and super tangible.

[00:09:07] Fawn: Right? You need to know, or you know, a team, even as a sports team, you need to know that everyone on your team is doing the best they can do, period. And they all know where their, and this, again, we're away from friendship now for just a second, but, takes you away from everybody knows their role. So on a

[00:09:33] Fawn: sports, it

[00:09:33] Fawn: takes you away from that?

[00:09:34] Matt: It does, because there are superstars and then there are, you know, there's the people who cart in the water.

[00:09:40] Fawn: I'm confused, I'm confused. What are you saying? How does that take you away from it? Because

[00:09:46] Matt: a friendship should be a lot more 50 50. Work Relationships aren't necessarily, nothing is always,

[00:09:52] Fawn: I'm putting forward.

[00:09:54] Fawn: Nothing is always 50 50. Never.

[00:09:56] Matt: That is true. Friendship should be closer though. I understand. I've been in, I've been in work experiences where, you know, I'm the, I'm either the young, young little boy who gets mentored or I am the guy who mentors others. This is Matt

[00:10:09] Fawn: Natural progression. Well, exactly.

[00:10:11] Fawn: That's my point. It's never 50 50. It's never

[00:10:14] Matt: 50 50. So, but in those cases it's like 90 10.

[00:10:17] Fawn: All right. But then there will, if you give a time, if you look at nature, if you look at the ocean, if you look at the water coming in and going out, there's, there's a yin and yang, there's a, there's a time when one person is 80 and the other person is 20.

[00:10:32] Fawn: But if you give it time and you see. , the change and the movement in nature. Yes, that will flip. And you're right, so it's never 50 50, but if you give it a chance and you keep looking at it, it balances out. But if you're so focused on your cute little notepad with your like sticks of like, who has more points?

[00:10:54] Fawn: That I feel like it takes away from everything. It takes away from the enjoyment of life. It takes away from the enjoyment of the game. and it brings out the Chewbacca and me that just wants

[00:11:04] Matt: to, that that is definitely true. And had I known that at the time, no,

[00:11:08] Fawn: but you're still saying that that's it's needed.

[00:11:11] Fawn: We need to keep score. I'm saying in

[00:11:13] Matt: a corporate work environment,

[00:11:17] Fawn: I don't understand

[00:11:18] Matt: why. because It's important to know, and it's important to know when you are in the lesser position so you can improve it. And when you're in the superior position, you get paid for it.

[00:11:32] Fawn: Okay, I understand. But if you, if that's the only way that it works and that's when, that's just, that's the keeping score.

[00:11:45] Fawn: When the keeping score is the way it is all the time, that's why people like me can't survive in a world like that because you're giving your own timeline to what score should be. And if you're a creative like me, my timeline is a little bit different, but I guarantee you, I'll offer you something that will be invaluable.

[00:12:10] Fawn: Invaluable, right? Yes. That means beyond value. Yes. You can't put, you can't put a number on it, right? I guarantee you, I will provide you amazingness, but if, if it's on your particular timeline or your particular exact graphs or specifications or whatever it it, yeah, you're not gonna see my, my, my value.

[00:12:35] Fawn: You're not going to see it.

[00:12:36] Fawn: What? Nothing.

[00:12:39] Matt: It's like as soon as , as soon as, let's get back to friendship.

[00:12:43] Fawn: No, I wanna figure this out. Oh. Because this, look, you can, I know, but you can translate anything to friendship. So yeah, there are people out there who, actually, this goes back to the list that if

[00:12:56] Matt: you do talk about your friendship, if you run your friendships like you would run a team in a business, then that's a huge mistake.

[00:13:04] Matt: And I will agree with you a hundred

[00:13:05] Fawn: percent on that. Hold on. But isn't that the problem we're facing with today's world is because? Because business is so separated and it's so patriarchal like that it is so beat it over the head, hunt it down and bring it home; as opposed to cooperative as opposed to let's look at the rhythms of nature and let's look at the value of every everything and how it's being provided rather than stats like that.

[00:13:38] Fawn: I think that's why corporations are so messed up and they've messed up our world. Sorry, Matt is just staring at me like

[00:13:48] Matt: only I You're absolutely right. Again, I said I a hundred percent agree. Don't run your personal friendships the way a business runs a team, but on a team, you have roles, you have responsibilities, and you're, hopefully paid in conjunction with your role and what you bring to the team.

[00:14:07] Fawn: I don't know. I mean, now I'm so far removed from the corporate world. I don't know. I, I respect you because you're able to, knock on wood, you're able to navigate through,

[00:14:20] Matt: I'm able to swim through these waters.

[00:14:21] Fawn: Yeah. I still don't understand. And I'm just now on a, in an extreme belief over here on my side that corporations need to be run More humanely.

[00:14:34] Matt: More humanely. Thank you. Yes. And you're absolutely right and you know, I'm feel, I feel very blessed right now that I'm working at, you know, my boss is very humane, his boss is very humane. I don't know how far it goes up and down the company, but that's far enough. That's all I need to know and that that's all I need to have to make

[00:14:51] Fawn: me happy.

[00:14:52] Fawn: Well, usually when you have bosses like that, chances are that the company runs humanely. Exactly. When you have humane beautifully minded people that are leaders, chances are the company's that way. Exactly. You know, like attracts like. True. Alright,

[00:15:12] Matt: anyways, back to objections.

[00:15:14] Fawn: Alright, so I'm looking at lists and we found one list that was pretty good , but I have an objection still. Even though this list is pretty great, it's like 40 Rules of Friendship, first

[00:15:27] Fawn: of all

[00:15:27] Matt: which sounds like a good

[00:15:28] Fawn: number. Well, I'm also thinking, oh my God, here we go with more rules.

[00:15:33] Fawn: It's like score keeping again, . But I'm looking through them and they're nice. You know, they're, they're okay. Just hold on a second. Hold on. Let me finish. I'm not gonna read all 40, but. , um, 40 rules of Friendship, right? They're always there for support. They point out your mistakes truthfully, they care about you, but don't smother you.

[00:15:54] Fawn: It goes on and on and on, and what I found was that, wow, this is all about you. And that's what I object to about all these lists. It's like, this is what needs to happen for you. This is what needs to happen for me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. And that's not it guys. That is not the art of friendship. The art of friendship is not what can this person do for me?

[00:16:19] Fawn: How can this person make me feel? That's the number two friendship that we always talk about, right? True. The person is there because of how they make you feel. That is not a true friend. It's not all about you feeling supported. It's all these rules are about that kind of thing, and that's what I'm objecting to is because, so, All right, for a universal copacetic world to occur to happen, where we use what I believe is the art of friendship to truly spread, it's really looking at everyone as your friend, not what can this person do for me, not how I can feel, not what I can do for them, not scoring points.

[00:17:10] Fawn: It's just looking at everything and everyone, without any attachment, without any chords, without any like chords, you know, like you're, you're connected, um, like puppets to each other, , you know what I'm saying? Right. Like straight strings. Right. And I just think that you need, and I've said this before guys, but you need to, I think it would be better if we all looked at things like it was a movie.

[00:17:37] Fawn: And like I said before, not the way Matt watches movies because my God, he's analyzing every movement and telling you what's gonna happen before it happens. or like picking out flaws in the plot. Just forget it. Just enjoy it and just watch people. Listen to them, look at them and just appreciate them, even though you may think.

[00:18:01] Fawn: I can't appreciate what I'm looking at. Appreciate that. Do you know what I'm saying? Matt? Appreciate looking at something that doesn't even appeal to you. Appreciating that aspect of it. Like, wow, that is so unappealing.

[00:18:17] Fawn: You know, like case in point, like what not to do. When you look at a behavior like, whoa, thank you for showing me that. I don't ever wanna do that. It's a, I think that's what friendship is. Does that make sense? It

[00:18:31] Matt: does, it does. But if you take a look at, uh, Nichomachian Ethics and Friendship, you know, the, the deepest form of friendship is, I just genuinely like this person.

[00:18:44] Matt: Right, right. Okay. So do you genuinely like people who ignore you, who never listen to what you have to say? Who only complain about hundred percent of their life and don't even give you elbow room in to talk. And if you offer advice, they just tell you you're being ridiculous or stupid

[00:19:04] Fawn: or silly. That that is where official versus superficial comes in.

[00:19:08] Fawn: Because I would say that would be the superficial friend. Look, we drive on the road and I don't get upset at people. If , oops,

[00:19:22] Matt: sorry about that one.

[00:19:23] Fawn: That's Matt's timer. , is there something in the oven?

[00:19:27] Matt: No, I accidentally set the timer. Okay. Wait. I wasn't done Behind the curtain, folks. I usually set a timer so we know how long the episode is.

[00:19:35] Matt: Okay,

[00:19:36] Fawn: so I forgot what I was saying now. Thanks honey. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I always say everybody's your friend. All right, so if someone cuts you off on the road or they're tailgating, they need to get in front of you for whatever reason, but it doesn't matter that you end up at the spot, at the stop sign or the stop light

[00:19:54] Fawn: exactly at the same time, it doesn't matter. If they need to be ahead of you and they're acting like a jerk, please just let 'em go. Maybe they need to go to the bathroom. You know, you don't. So when there are mean people out there, I'm like, whoa, our friend is having a bad time. Let's step aside. Right? Let 'em go.

[00:20:13] Fawn: Right. Why am I saying this ? What were we saying?

[00:20:19] Matt: I don't know. I was about to make my salient point and you cut me

[00:20:21] Fawn: off. So. Well, I'm just saying that, that that's where official versus superficial comes in, because I say everybody's your friend. Oh, that person who cut us off on the freeway, . Wow. Our friend really needs to get somewhere, right?

[00:20:36] Fawn: It,

[00:20:36] Matt: it makes you look at them with compassion,

[00:20:38] Fawn: right? So I call everybody our friend, and right there have been points because we have been heartbroken because of people being mean to us. Where our girls were will say, that is not our friend. I'm like, look, the whole world is our friend. Now there's superficial and there's official.

[00:20:56] Fawn: So I would call those people superficial, right? I'm not that, that's not the true friend. They're still a friend. Look, we're all in this world living on it. It's the same home. We're sharing a home. All right? Yeah. Some superficial friends are demons. Okay, .

[00:21:15] Matt: That is true. Now, back to my original point, . Okay? So again, you know, if this person never listened, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, you would say, yeah, you're right.

[00:21:26] Matt: They're not my, they're not my friend. They're not my best friend. They're not my level three, as it were. Nichomachian friends, you're your friends. Hold your friend. Hold on, hold on. They're not a level three friend in the Nichomachian ethics, which is it's not a true friend, which is why it's important to understand why these rules exist, cuz these rules exist to help you identify those people who aren't your true friends.

[00:21:50] Fawn: All right? Here's the difference between us. You are very techy. You need points, you need the score sheet. You need to look at graphs . Yes. I'm just telling you I feel it. Yep. I don't feel this person. I'm just going to look at 'em and keep 'em at a distance. Let 'em go over here. So I, they're not in my sphere.

[00:22:12] Fawn: They're my friend. I feel it and I don't feel it. I don't need stats written on a of pad of paper to tell me who's winning, who's not. It, it just is. Right. Whereas,

[00:22:27] Matt: whereas, whereas I do, because it helps keep me honest and it helps keep

[00:22:31] Fawn: my, my feelings, keep

[00:22:33] Matt: me honest emotions in check and I understand my emotions are checking where the boundaries

[00:22:39] Fawn: are.

[00:22:41] Fawn: My emotions tell me all of that, man, all our, our emotions tell us all, all of that. But I think, I think, yeah, you, you're a techie who knows

[00:22:53] Matt: an interesting number of

[00:22:54] Matt: people.

[00:22:56] Fawn: And I'm an intuitive, who knows? A certain,

[00:22:58] Matt: who knows way more people, .

[00:23:01] Fawn: I'm just saying, you know, yeah. You operate that way and I, I operate this way.

[00:23:06] Fawn: Yep. You could also say, I don't know. You know what? No, I don't wanna get into gender roles. I don't . No, but what I'm saying is, look, I, I, I think, I think, oh, it sounds so, I was gonna say, I think my way is better . Well, of course

[00:23:24] Matt: you do because it works. It's, it's been your pattern as long as you've been alive and it's served you well.

[00:23:30] Matt: Absolutely. It's hard. We tend to do things that we've had

[00:23:32] Fawn: success with. Well, I think it's heart based, Matt, and I think, the way that things have been run in our society for many centuries has not been heart-based. It's not based coming from love , it's based on stats, and that's what I have an objection to.

[00:23:54] Fawn: And I think that's where I can say this is a superficial, rather than an official thing. It will be superficial to me if it's not coming from the heart both ways.

[00:24:08] Matt: Right, right. And I, I see exactly where you come to that. for me, the delineation between superficial and official lies in, unfortunately, and this is what really sucks, but trial and struggle.

[00:24:22] Matt: Like what do you do when their life turns upside down or your life turns upside down? If you run away, superficial, if you draw in and they let you draw in official. And unfortunately it's always in that crucible, those crucible moments,

[00:24:43] Fawn: and it doesn't have to be so,

[00:24:45] Matt: and it's, it's really unfortunate.

[00:24:47] Fawn: It ha It doesn't have to be so drastic.

[00:24:48] Matt: I know.

[00:24:49] Fawn: Because you don't always have to run away, you know, any little tiny movement will be beneficial. Any, anything. It could be just a phone call. It could be like, we've talked about this before. It could be a smile. It could just be saying, I am here. I'm here.

[00:25:08] Fawn: That's it. You don't have to get on a plane. You don't have to move the mountains and divide the seas.

[00:25:16] Matt: Well, particularly not in this time.

[00:25:19] Fawn: So anyway, I also wanna go back to like, okay, let's look at the two other words. Familiar rather than fellowship. I think familiar would be in line of superficial, whereas Fellowship would be official Familiar or fellowship Familiar is, yeah.

[00:25:37] Fawn: I know you, you're in the neighborhood or I know you, you're at the grocery store. We cross paths or going back to Bainbridge Island, yeah, they're familiar. I know when you take out your trash, I know when you take your walk, I see you every day. , but it's not a fellowship, and so don't even try to tell me that this is a friendship, you know?

[00:26:01] Fawn: And I think that's what really got us so worked up is seeing that kind of behavior on that island and realizing, oh, it's not just this island. It's the state of the world right now. Right.

[00:26:14] Matt: Absolutely. Spotting it everywhere.

[00:26:18] Fawn: and you know, maybe, yeah, some people could say about us, oh, you know what you focus on grows, use your own advice.

[00:26:24] Fawn: What you focus on grows. Like, I'm sure there are people that are like, no, there are friendships everywhere. The world is so loving and the world is filled with friendships. I have so many friends, I'm sure that exists. But as a whole, take a look at what's happening with all the wars. All the injustices right there, they've always

[00:26:46] Matt: been there.

[00:26:47] Matt: And all the ways we try and divide ourselves up

[00:26:50] Fawn: so the art of friendship can fix all that. I really believe that. And, and as I said it out loud, I kind of went, Ew. But it's true . It's true. And you know what? Just because it's familiar doesn't make it good. Familiar could be you see the Demonn every day.

[00:27:08] Fawn: You know what the Demonn says, you're familiar with the demonn. It does not make your friend, it's not a fellowship. Right?

[00:27:15] Matt: Completely understood. Yes. Another definition of familiar, oh, it's actually a quote unquote

[00:27:21] Fawn: noun,

[00:27:22] Fawn: uh oh. Is that family? No. What is it?

[00:27:25] Matt: Um, wizards in medieval times were believed to have familiars, which were these little critters that would do stuff for them, but they

[00:27:34] Matt: smart pets or servants or it's all very kind of creepy. Very master servant kind of thing.

[00:27:41] Fawn: Interesting.

[00:27:42] Matt: Very twisted. But they call them like magicians, familiars. Ooh, so like crows and little. Yeah, nevermind.

[00:27:53] Fawn: And you see they're not treating them as equals.

[00:27:57] Matt: No, not at all.

[00:27:57] Fawn: Oh my God. The crows are so smart.

[00:27:59] Fawn: Animals are so smart. Unbelievably. Beyond what scientists know. Brilliant. It's ridiculous. When I hear scientists talk about how humans are, so, uh, what's the word? When they're, they elevate the humans. We're so, like, I don't, I don't remember the word you guys, but like, we're like so greater. I always just disagree and unfortunately a lot of scientists that I love mm-hmm.

[00:28:31] Fawn: that I respect, say that I'm like, oh, ouch. No , but I'm not gonna get on a vegan. Soapbox, soapbox, soapbox. Where does the term soapbox come

[00:28:44] Matt: from? I think in England people would stand on soap boxes in, on Speaker's Corner in London, and they're allowed to talk about anything they want and nobody will stop them or some such Got it.

[00:28:59] Matt: Their dates and

[00:28:59] Fawn: times and whatevers. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to be way more careful with the words that I'm using. Like we were on the couch yesterday and I heard someone on TV say, chop, chop. And all of a sudden I'm like, whoa, that doesn't sound right. And I've heard it all my life, but all of a sudden I'm like, you guys is that derogatory?

[00:29:21] Fawn: And we looked it up and sure it was, oh my goodness. So, and then you looked up another one.

[00:29:29] Matt: Well, no, it was brought to my attention head honcho. Yeah. And everybody talks about like kowtow as a word, which again is Yeah. Offensive. But we could, we could spend forever going through offensive words.

[00:29:42] Fawn: I know. We should, we should do another episode on that.

[00:29:44] Fawn: Yeah. We'll explain it. Because we use words without realizing the implications. And we go through life doing things because we've heard them all along. You know what I'm saying? Right. So we need to be conscious of how we, how we move through life. Anyway, so that's it. Anything to add, Matt? I think I'm good.

[00:30:08] Fawn: I'm good too. I love you guys so much. Thank you for listening to us. If you could please tell the world about us. Tell anyone you can about our podcast and the Art of Friendship movement here, lead them to our podcast. That would help us out. Another thing that's great to show support is to download our episodes leave a kind review.

[00:30:29] Fawn: You can go to our friendly world podcast.com there's a tab to leave reviews right there and reach out to us also. We love that. Thank you. We'll talk to you in a few days. Be well. Bye.

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**Let's talk about rest. R e s t. We're always going, going, going! Doesn't the world to you seem like everything is speeding up faster and faster, and that time is going by incredibly fast, like a rollercoaster fast?

Today's episode is on the value of rest and all the different types of rest we need to look at.

There are 7 different ways of rest that our bodies need. And when we rest, we are better friends.**

We have a free gift for you. Go to https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/ and pick up a free copy of Fawn's “Ikigai of Friendship” companion book

And to gift us, tell others about our podcast and leave a kind review.

Seven Ways of Rest - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Woo wee guys, how are you? Hello. Welcome back.

[00:00:06] Matt: I feel like, uh, deer Cotton headlights. I don't know what you wanna talk about. .

[00:00:11] Fawn: I wanna talk about rest. R e s t. We're always going, going, going, doesn't the world to you seem like everything is speeding up faster and faster, and that time is going by. incredibly fast, like a rollercoaster, fast.

[00:00:32] Matt: There's a dichotomy for me because if I'm doing a lot of stuff, my individual days go by really fast. But then when I look back what I did a week ago, it seems like a long time ago, it's like a Twilight Zone. So it's a weird thing.

[00:00:49] Matt: So yes, it has sped up and yet has slowed down at the same time.

[00:00:54] Fawn: I feel like most of us are really working. What's the term? Is it a car term? Working on all cylinders? Is that the term?

[00:01:05] Matt: Firing on all cylinders.

[00:01:06] Fawn: Firing on all cylinders, constantly nonstop.

[00:01:12] Matt: Yes.

[00:01:14] Fawn: Today's episode is on the value of rest and all the different types of rest we need to look at.

[00:01:23] Fawn: And perhaps the rest is maybe, and the thing is that I don't have time, like the kind, the amount of rest that I think I need. , I seriously don't have the time for.

[00:01:33] Matt: Oh dear.

[00:01:34] Fawn: It's terrible. . I haven't even been meditating. You know, I'm a huge meditator. I can't, I can't, no. . And you know what they say is when you don't have time to meditate, you need to be meditating twice as much.

[00:01:50] Matt: I remember reading Herman Hess in 1946, Magister Lutie wrote that exact thing.

[00:01:55] Fawn: What did he say exactly?

[00:01:56] Matt: You had your leading figure. He just got promoted to be the head of this order and all of a sudden his mentor brought in a meditation master for him and he was like, I don't have time.

[00:02:09] Matt: And he's like, Yeah, you do and he made him meditate and things became clearer.

[00:02:15] Fawn: Yeah. And things can slow down, do slow down when you meditate. So, okay. Meditation is definitely in there. But listen to this. So I don't remember how I came across this, but there are all these different ways of rest, other types of rest that our bodies need.

[00:02:34] Fawn: So the first one is physical rest: which is either passive or active. Passive rest includes sleeping and napping. And then active rest could be like if you go to a a, a yoga class and the stretching or like getting a massage, that would be more active rest, and that's physical rest. Okay.

[00:03:08] Fawn: Then there's Sensory Rest:

[00:03:12] Matt: ooh, that's

[00:03:12] Matt: a big one.

[00:03:13] Fawn: Do you know what that is?

[00:03:14] Matt: Well, we get bombarded by all sorts of things all the time. Yes. Driving down the road. Or even just on our computers. Or our phones. Absolutely.

[00:03:24] Fawn: And that's why I don't like our podcast being video at the same time, because I think there's something very special about just hearing a human voice and nothing else.

[00:03:33] Fawn: not concentrating on what we look like, not looking at our backgrounds and what we're wearing. God knows like all the other things that you're thinking about, but if we're just hearing each other's voices, I think that's very calming and it just, it, it's more balancing, you know what I'm saying?

[00:03:53] Fawn: That's why I like podcasts to just be sound. But anyway, so a sensory rest, you're absolutely. You can get sensory rest by closing your eyes, unplugging from devices, going somewhere quiet. That's sensory rest.

[00:04:15] Fawn: Then we have third one is mental rest, which is taking short breaks throughout your day. Just taking a short break.

[00:04:30] Fawn: Then we have creative rest, and that's when you can get out. At nature, it's about surrounding yourself with images of beauty and art. Whatever makes you feel right, that is creative rest.

[00:04:52] Fawn: There's also emotional rest which means having the time and space to freely express your feelings and cut back on people pleasing

[00:05:02] Fawn: Any comments? Hmm, . Why? Why are you doing the pouty lip? When I said that,

[00:05:11] Matt: I'm

[00:05:12] Matt: pondering that's all.

[00:05:13] Fawn: What are you thinking about?

[00:05:14] Matt: Just different types of rest and Yeah. Mm. Things I've discovered

[00:05:19] Matt: and,

[00:05:19] Fawn: but when I got to emotional rest you started pouting. You made a face.

[00:05:24] Fawn: There you go. .

[00:05:25] Fawn: There's a face

[00:05:26] Matt: again.

[00:05:26] Fawn: What's happening Matt?

[00:05:27] Matt: Nothing?

[00:05:28] Fawn: Nothing. Are you,

[00:05:30] Matt: am I a people pleaser? .

[00:05:31] Fawn: No, but I think your emotions, I think you will shut them down because you don't have time to properly feel something. So you store it away.

[00:05:39] Matt: Well, I'm a boy

[00:05:40] Fawn: and then other things hap That's terrible. .

[00:05:43] Matt: I know.

[00:05:43] Fawn: And then other things happen.

[00:05:44] Fawn: You never have time to release what happened because you didn't have time to process it, and that will make you sick. So let's, okay, when we're done, I want you to go and get some emotional rest. Because you, you power,

[00:06:00] Matt: but I got stuff to do.

[00:06:01] Fawn: (Fawn sighs with frustration) Moving on. We have

[00:06:05] Fawn: social rest: what is that?

[00:06:08] Matt: Taking a break from people?

[00:06:10] Fawn: It's surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people,

[00:06:17] Fawn: And then the last one that I have is

[00:06:20] Fawn: spiritual rest. What's that??

[00:06:23] Matt: Meditating on a

[00:06:24] Matt: ashram,

[00:06:25] Fawn: it's the ability to connect beyond the physical and mental and feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance, and purpose. So those are the types of rest that you need. Anything you wanna add? or anything you wanna express?

[00:06:48] Fawn: Matt, you look troubled. ? Now I'm troubled. What's

[00:06:52] Fawn: happening?

[00:06:52] Matt: No, I'm just thinking about like sometimes like one of the ways I'll rest is I'll shift from activity to activity that are radically different and that I defined to myself is probably terrible to do as rest. So I'm just ping ponging from between activities, but they're not, um, you know, they're, they're maybe strenuous in different ways or they touch on different parts of me, you know, mental, spiritual, um, logical, emotional, physical.

[00:07:25] Matt: You know, Hey, I'll take a break from writing code and go spin on the bike,

[00:07:29] Fawn: After all these years together. I just noticed that about you. It was because of that storm we had last week. You can't sit still . You cannot just be, I just needed, you always need a device or a game or something to, um, make your brain work hard,

[00:07:49] Matt: not hard.

[00:07:50] Fawn: Well, for me it's hard , but my God, like I can look at a wall. And be like, look at that.

[00:07:58] Matt: Not me.

[00:07:59] Fawn: Look, I can just sit there for a long time.

[00:08:01] Matt: Nope.

[00:08:02] Fawn: What is going on, Matt?

[00:08:04] Fawn: Have you always been like that?

[00:08:06] Matt: Almost.

[00:08:07] Fawn: Wow.

[00:08:09] Fawn: Why?

[00:08:10] Matt: Just am.

[00:08:12] Fawn: What do you think will happen if you do nothing and you just sit quietly?

[00:08:15] Matt: See, here's the problem. It's almost. Summer camp, we'd go for a hike. Right. Or even, you know, day camp or whatever you want to call it. We go for a hike. Right. And usually about half or a third of the way or two thirds of the way done, you'll take a break.

[00:08:30] Matt: Right. Okay. And everybody just kind of sits on the side of the trail, hydrates a little bit, maybe eats a little nosh and then you set off again. Right. I am never rested. I'm just as tired as when I started taking the break.

[00:08:43] Fawn: Mm-hmm. .

[00:08:44] Matt: So it's like the rest does mean no good. As a matter of fact, it almost hurts me because then it just takes longer to finish the silly hike.

[00:08:51] Fawn: You know, I understand what you're saying. When I worked in offices, I hated taking breaks because once I stopped that mad routine of like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go and do, do, do, do, do like quickly and ferociously and with expertise and like all this energy. and then you take a 10 minute break or even a 30 minute break.

[00:09:13] Fawn: By the way, in America, you get, you're lucky if you get a 30 minute break to go buy lunch or get your lunch, eat it, and then be back in the office all within 30 minutes. Guys, that's not okay. But anyway, that's another show. So, but I remember, I'm like, ugh, I, I don't want to take a break because once I take a break, it's so hard to wind up again to that level right of extreme.

[00:09:40] Fawn: Doing Right. So it's more painful. So I'd rather just keep going through the pain and not know what I'm missing, which is I could be relaxing . You know what I'm saying?

[00:09:51] Matt: Absolutely. No, I, I work so much better. I'm sharpest first thing in the morning, and after lunch I'm dullest. And it's just how, it's how I've always been.

[00:10:02] Matt: And I hear about people who aren't that way and I'm like, Well, good for you being like terrible first thing in the morning, but better after, after lunch. I am at my worst at the end of the day.

[00:10:13] Fawn: Yeah. Yeah. With so many things like, people who do voiceovers, I was just told don't do it. When at the end of the day, like, don't record.

[00:10:23] Fawn: At the end of a long day, you're tired, you're not as good, So we need rest, you guys.

[00:10:31] Matt: All sorts of rest.

[00:10:32] Fawn: Yeah. Everything also needs rest. Yes. Sometimes you can't figure something out that you need to work on, like a problem; you can't find a solution, let it rest. The answer will find you

[00:10:46] Matt: definitely true.

[00:10:47] Fawn: But you need to physically rest your body and your mind and your spirit . Because something else will find you ,will knock you on the head. Don't let that happen. Just, yeah, please get some rest. Love you. That's all I have to say today. Quick. Get some rest, guys. Come on.

[00:11:08] Matt: Fair enough.

[00:11:09] Fawn: Let's have a little nap. Or let's go outside and play.

[00:11:14] Fawn: Or let's go outside and just be and listen to the birds.

[00:11:18] Fawn: Curl up with a blanket and have a good cry and stare at the wall. Well, in my case, sometimes I stare at the wall , but like, have a good cry. Watch a movie, get some ice cream. Whatever makes you feel good, go and do it right now. That's, that's an order,

[00:11:38] Fawn: Love you guys. Talk to you later. Thanks for listening.

[00:11:42] Matt: Be well

[00:11:43] Fawn: talk to you soon. Bye.

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**Everything is a gift, but it's not your responsibility to accept every gift that's given to you. Just because someone offers you something, does not mean you have to accept it.

The word "gift" has been around for a long, long time, and when you get into German and you break it down, it basically means to give or receive, or natural talent. But if you keep looking further into the etymology and other aspects of the gift, it's also meaning "poison". Let's look at the word poison: deadly potion or substance, also figuratively, spiritually corrupting ideas, evil intentions.

Be choosy and pick the loveliest gifts. That's with friendships, that's with everything in your life; what you surround yourself with. When do you know how to let go of the gift (the good gift)? When a gift has already served you, perhaps it's time to share that gift. That gift could be something like, you'll learn how to do something, so then you become someone's mentor. You're gifting them your experience and helping them out.**

We have a free gift for you. Go to https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/ and pick up a free copy of Fawn's “Ikigai of Friendship” companion book

And to gift us, tell others about our podcast, and leave a kind review. Thank you!

The Gift – TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back guys.

[00:00:02] Matt: Hello.

[00:00:03] Fawn: Hello. Lovies loves. Hello friends. . Hello. Welcome back, . You know, welcome back. I learned from a swami that everything is a gift, but it's not your responsibility to accept every gift that's given to you. And. That came to me at a point where I was feeling, the weight of everything.

[00:00:28] Fawn: And there were people that were mean to me that there were situations where I, I was being faced with that I was just handling everything. And last week we talked about the power of saying no, and I was saying that, it's become so rude now that people have gone overboard with a word no you know, like, no, I choose not to.

[00:00:51] Fawn: Like that kind of, no, but looking at everything in life as a gift, you are not meant to experience everything.

[00:01:03] Matt: What do you mean?

[00:01:04] Fawn: On your own? When someone offers you something, you don't have to accept it. Just because someone offers you a gift, cuz that gift could be not nice

[00:01:16] Matt: and Yes, absolutely. And of course and as we all well know, there are the dueling sayings of don't look to gift horse in the mouth and,

[00:01:24] Matt: well,

[00:01:25] Fawn: yeah, but you, I think mostly we are feeling like, oh, we can't turn down a gift. Do you know what I'm saying? Or like, even when bad things happen, we're like, well, that's a gift, ,

[00:01:38] Matt: but , let's, well, we, we attempt to frame things in a positive way. Hmm.

[00:01:42] Fawn: Okay. Oh, well let's get into the etymology of gift. Let's just figure out what that is. Which is really bizarre; what I'm about to read. Okay, so a gift, the entymology of it is "that which is given". It comes from Scandinavian, old Norse, which looks exactly like gift, gift or gift gift.

[00:02:06] Fawn: Good luck. Proto Germanic Geftiz, G E F T I Z, source also of Old Saxon gift. So basically the word gift goes way, way, way back. But when you get to, when you go to like old Friesian, which is Jefte, I don't know how you pronounce it, you guys. It's J E F T E. Middle Dutch is G H I F T E.

[00:02:36] Fawn: The word "gift" has been around for a long, long time, and when you get into the German and you break it down, it basically means to give, but if you keep looking further into it, there's G H A B H. , which again means to give or receive. And we're also looking at it's also a natural talent, it means all these things.

[00:03:03] Fawn: But for German, G I F T, Dutch, Danish, Swedish, G I F T, it's also meaning "poison".

[00:03:14] Matt: Oh dear.

[00:03:15] Fawn: Isn't that interesting? So let's look at the word poison.

[00:03:18] Matt: Oh man. I don't know if I want to go there.

[00:03:23] Fawn: It means also poison: a deadly potion or substance, also figuratively, spiritually corrupting ideas, evil intentions.

[00:03:36] Fawn: It goes on. But isn't that interesting, Matt, considering what we were taught by a Swami a long time ago, and the fact that gift is also linked with "poison', like the word is the same as poison.

[00:03:52] Matt: Yeah. Yeah. Well, honestly, to me it depends on the nature of the, what you're being offered, you know what exactly is on offer?

[00:04:02] Fawn: So you really wanted to talk about this today. What brought this up for you?

[00:04:09] Matt: You hear about a lot of people. I hear rather, from, people around me of just instances where it's one of these things that, Hmm. Best way to describe it is, I used to think I was super wise, cause all my friends would come to me and talk to me about all sorts of stuff that, you know, was really weighing on them.

[00:04:29] Matt: And it was usually something they were emotionally connected to. And because I wasn't emotionally connected to it, I could clearly see what was going on in their world and they were like, oh, you're so right. Matt And I felt brilliant until I was emotionally connected to stuff and then I couldn't let it go and, and whatever.

[00:04:44] Matt: So I've been talking with people around me lately and they're, There's a lot of history and there's a lot of things going on, and there's a lot of commitments and people are bringing them things that they need them to do, and these people are saying, okay, yes, absolutely. So instead of necessarily a gift, I'm just, I've been thinking more about people being, asked to accept

[00:05:10] Matt: basically a burden or a poison maybe. Mm-hmm. .

[00:05:12] Fawn: Right? Exactly.

[00:05:14] Matt: And, and these people don't feel like they're in a place where they can say no.

[00:05:17] Fawn: Right. Like, I felt like that with my family, and that's why I had to completely separate myself from them completely.

[00:05:26] Matt: Right.

[00:05:27] Fawn: Because they were, that's what they kept offering me.

[00:05:31] Fawn: And it was because what, what? Because you're related. , whatever the situation is, so you're supposed to take it. You're supposed to take everything that they throw out at you,

[00:05:44] Matt: right?

[00:05:44] Fawn: No, you

[00:05:45] Fawn: don't.

[00:05:46] Matt: Due to these types of obligations. And as a, in point of fact, recently, there's an NFL team that's maybe not doing so well.

[00:05:54] Matt: Uh, Indianapolis Colts and they fired their head coach. and they offered the job to another guy. The other guy said, who was, I think he might have been the quarterback's coach. It doesn't matter. He wasn't the head coach, but he was one of the important quote unquote important coaches. And he said, no thanks.

[00:06:13] Matt: He actually, and everybody was like, because it's almost like it's un-American to say, I don't want this promotion, or I don't want this promotion right now. And people look at you like you're fundamentally flawed somehow if you turn it down; in the same way, they look at you like you're, I don't know, ungrateful if you, if it's a familial obligation and you turn it down,

[00:06:38] Fawn: right?

[00:06:39] Fawn: Like people looked at me all evil and I'm sure they still do if they find out that I had to cut off my family . But yeah, I'm not obligated. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean that you have to put up with abuse, right? No one has to put up with abuse. And I hear people all the time saying, oh God, bless them.

[00:06:59] Fawn: Look at that. They were totally beaten up as a kid. They were totally abused, but they got it back together. They're back together. They forgave and they're back together. And I think most people that I, I used to talk to would say that about me. I'm like, NO. You know, some people won't change. Some people just don't.

[00:07:21] Fawn: And you have to be okay with that. You have to accept that, and it's hard. It's like a huge magnet, always pulling you back to these people that are constantly hurting you or a situation that is constantly hurting you because you feel like you have to keep accepting it and you don't. You know, a long time ago, I was on a huge photo shoot.

[00:07:44] Fawn: We were out in the bush, we were in Ethiopia,. I shared this this whole excursion with a famous photographer, meaning we split the cost in half. Mm-hmm. , I was an unknown photographer, not sponsored by anyone. I was working for myself, and he was sponsored by a whole bunch of galleries and huge companies.

[00:08:07] Fawn: everything was paid for for him. You know what I'm saying? Right. And it was so abusive. He was so disgusting. He was horrible to pretty much everybody and the earth, like horrible, egotistical horribleness. And, and I kept putting up with it. And, um, one day after so many things went down after our lives were in danger for like the fifth time

[00:08:37] Fawn: one of the people that we traveled with, we, we traveled with two people. Mm-hmm. one is a person who drives and the other person is responsible for negotiating with the tribes and like, speaks the language, speaks the lang. They both speak the language. Oh, okay. But like, but yeah, maneuvering things and making sure that you're safe, um, that everything is copacetic, that you don't do anything wrong.

[00:08:59] Fawn: That basically they keep you safe. Anyway, one day we were sitting by the fire and it was just me and them. The, the other photographer was off somewhere and they're like, they, they were talking to me, but they weren't talking at me. They were like, why do you keep accepting this? Like, and then shortly before that, I overheard them talking about me and they were saying, it must be self-esteme.

[00:09:29] Fawn: Now, I don't know if they were talking about me, but that rang true. I'm like, if it is me that they're talking about, it's true. I didn't believe in myself. I didn't feel like, I felt like I deserved it. Whatever. Whatever it was. You know what I'm saying?

[00:09:45] Matt: I do

[00:09:45] Fawn: that. I, it's okay. I'm used to it, and that changed me forever.

[00:09:52] Fawn: I'm like, wait a minute. I don't deserve this abuse. I don't deserve this ugliness. I don't deserve this crap. And that changed me. And I'm here to let you know that of all the gifts in the world, be choosy and pick the loveliest gifts for yourself. That's with friendships, that's with everything in your life, what you surround yourself with.

[00:10:18] Fawn: And we have to remember that. And sometimes we need a friend gifting us the harsh truth of, wow, you must have so low self-esteem, . Ouch.

[00:10:30] Matt: But sometimes, yes, you're right. It is necessary.

[00:10:32] Fawn: I mean, and you know what? It didn't hurt. It was like an eye-opening experience. It didn't hurt my feelings because I knew that they felt about me; they looked at me like I was special. That I was, I was, I. Of value to the world, and they couldn't believe that I had low self-esteem. You know what I'm saying?

[00:10:55] Matt: Absolutely.

[00:10:55] Fawn: So as a friend, we're letting you know that you are worth it. You are magnificent and special, and you deserve beautiful gifts.

[00:11:07] Fawn: So take a look around and see. , what's the word, Matt? Is it perfunctory? Things are around you? Like what does that mean? Just think perfunctory just

[00:11:17] Matt: means you're just taking a look at what's going on and you're just like, yeah, okay. Like

[00:11:20] Fawn: you're peripheral . What you, you're just like, eh, whatever. But like what kind of stuff around you is just, there is stuff in your life?

[00:11:30] Fawn: Take a good look at everything. Everything should have beautiful significance, don't you think, Matt?

[00:11:38] Matt: I. I do. And even moments in time, like one of the things that's been so interesting in, you know, moving is everything's new and all of a sudden you're really looking at the entire world with what they call zen mind, beginner's mind.

[00:11:55] Matt: You're looking at everything brand new because guess what? Everything is brand new. and it's about holding onto that feeling. And it's about, it's about this morning, we looked across the street, the light was really pretty this morning, and we looked across the street at a building and, and I was like, wow, look at that building, right?

[00:12:12] Matt: And, and, and you said, yeah, but look at those birds on that tree. And I'm like, what birds? I didn't see 'em because I'm short and there was only like, there was. 30 birds on this street. Right. And I didn't see it, but it's, you were like, it's about paying attention. It's about, and it's about looking at things and really saying, this is beautiful.

[00:12:32] Matt: Mm-hmm. . And, you know, maybe even dare to say, I deserve this. I deserve to feel this way. I,

[00:12:40] Fawn: et cetera, I deserve. My life deserves for me to pause and honor this thing, or the thing deserves being honor. Right. And , you never know. It's not just for you, but other people. So as we were looking at this thing, Matt was wanting to keep walking, but I'm like, of course.

[00:12:58] Fawn: Like, hold on, hold on. So we were in the parking lot and I was standing in a parking spot. Okay. I didn't realize it was a parking spot. And I was like, oh my God, Matt, look, not just at the birds, but I'm like, the light is so bizarre right now. It's so beautiful. There was like dark clouds, but everything was not dark like, like dark as in like, whoa, dark woo

[00:13:28] Fawn: I can't talk today. But it wasn't like sinister. It was like this beautiful dark shade, and the buildings were illuminated, and then the trees in front of them were like hyper illuminated like gold. Beautiful. And I was like, wow. And I didn't wanna move. I was just like, oh my goodness. And the air smelled lovely.

[00:13:54] Matt: The air did smell lovely,

[00:13:56] Fawn: delicious. and then I realized there's a woman trying to pull into that parking spot that I was in. Like I was standing there and I, and I looked at her, I'm like, oh my God, I'm sorry. So like a pigeon, I like kind of flew up and like got on the sidewalk . But, and then we went into the, it was a coffee shop, you guys, so we went into the coffee shop and we were taking forever ordering cuz we were talking to our friend who works there and she, we were, I don't know, it was taking forever.

[00:14:22] Fawn: And the same lady who was waiting for me to move so she could park, she was right behind us. I'm like, oh no, it's you again. I'm, I'm sorry. Oh yes, . I said, oh no, I'm sorry. I'm holding you up again. And she's like, no, no, it's okay. And by the way, what were you looking at ? So we told her and she said, I wish I would've looked.

[00:14:43] Fawn: I didn't realize, I wish I would've seen it, because she was like, why were you standing there? And what were you looking at? Like, I was wondering. So we told her. Right. Anyway, it's even connections are everywhere.

[00:14:55] Matt: Everywhere.

[00:14:56] Fawn: So the gift could spread, right? But also a gift could get moldy

[00:15:04] Matt: Well, that's the other thing. You know, what are, what are, you know, things that people accept that maybe they shouldn't. and you know, I did briefly talk about the guy who was offered the promotion and turned it down because heaven forbid you turned down a promotion. But

[00:15:19] Fawn: also, like when I said a gift can get moldy is perhaps it's time to pass the gift along to someone else.

[00:15:27] Matt: Sometimes it is

[00:15:27] Fawn: to, keep it going, like flowing water. If water is left stagnant, it gets dirty. And moldy. But if it keeps flowing, the gift can still be beautiful and shiny.

[00:15:42] Matt: Yes.

[00:15:42] Fawn: So when do you know how to let go of the gift? The good gift. Do you know what I'm saying? The good one, because it always, it, it already served your purpose and it will be with you forever.

[00:15:55] Fawn: So now perhaps it's time to share that gift , right. That gift could be something like, you'll learn how to do something, so then you become someone's mentor.

[00:16:06] Matt: Oh, okay. That's fair.

[00:16:07] Fawn: So you're gifting them your experience and helping them out. Right. It's phenomenal. Like I, I have a mentor and Wow, I'm so grateful because it will like, I, okay, it's like going school.

[00:16:23] Fawn: I always envied people at university because I had to work so hard and pay in cash for every, every, every class I had at university and I couldn't afford to finish and get a degree, and I always felt bad about that. And I looked at other people who were at University, who had it taken care of by their parents, or they got grants or they got financial aid.

[00:16:51] Fawn: You know, they had help in some way, in some fashion where they could just go to school and focus on going to school. I never had that luxury and I saw it as a luxury. Mm-hmm. , and I would look at these people who would go to these lecture halls. I'm like, look at that. Sorry guys. I left my. Where is it ? It's probably in your jacket.

[00:17:11] Fawn: So, but I would look at these people who would go to class to school and I'm like, wow. All they have to do is go and sit down and be fed information where I have to go pound the streets and maybe take months and sometimes years to understand how to do something or to get exposed to a certain level of something where I can be in the "in" crowd.

[00:17:42] Fawn: Right. But when you have, you know what I mean? It's a

[00:17:44] Matt: gift. It is. And you know, I'm sitting over here feeling a little guilty cuz I was in the latter.

[00:17:51] Fawn: You shouldn't feel guilty.

[00:17:52] Matt: And you shouldn't feel guilty. It was a gift. Appreciate it for what it was. Be thankful for what it was because yeah, that's all I had to do was sit in a lecture hall and be spoon fed information.

[00:18:03] Matt: Awesome.

[00:18:03] Fawn: Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, in you. . I didn't know a lot back then, and I'm sure everything I experienced is a gift for me, right? Because I turned out the way I did. You know? Uh, obviously it has some greater purpose that I'm, that maybe I, I'm, it's more than I'm aware of. The purpose is more than I'm aware of.

[00:18:27] Fawn: You know, there's a reason for everything. I believe that. Mm-hmm. . So anyway, many kinds of gifts and have you ever gotten a gift? This happened at our wedding. Have you ever gotten a gift that is so wrapped; beautifully wrapped, but there's crap inside.

[00:18:48] Matt: Oh dear.

[00:18:49] Fawn: When we got married, for those of you who've been listening to us for a long time, you've heard us talk about our wedding. We were on our friend's podcast who's a wedding planner, and it was an hour long show where we told her every detail about what happened at our wedding. It was crazy.

[00:19:07] Fawn: Anyway, so many, it's a movie, but one of the other things that went wrong in our wedding was the photographer who was a supposed friend of mine. , every photograph he took was terrible. Out of focus. Horrible. I mean, so many things. I don't wanna get into it. I'm gonna get really angry again. Huh, guys? So he wrapped everything, like all the negatives and everything in this beautiful box, like really well wrapped.

[00:19:41] Fawn: Really, he did it because he didn't want me to open it right away in front of him. And to see, because he knew I wasn't a hurry, that I would only like meet him for like 30 seconds to grab the pictures and leave. So it was beautifully wrapped. Like a present. Mm-hmm. , pretty little bow and everything. And then when we got home, I opened it.

[00:20:01] Fawn: I was like, what the hell is this? ? Horrible guys. Horrible. Like seriously, we don't have any photos of our wedding. The few that were, that I salvaged myself, I had to completely Photoshop and only print very, very, very, very small pictures cuz they're terrible. Anyway, I digress. Yes, but always look at like don't be fooled by the package.

[00:20:32] Matt: True. Definitely true.

[00:20:34] Fawn: Any other gifts you can think?

[00:20:36] Matt: Well, I was thinking about it and I was more thinking about things people might offer that maybe you should, you need to think twice and three times about, and one of those things really is, I don't really participate a lot on like a Facebook as far as social networking goes, but welcome to LinkedIn because, well, there you go, as a professional, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:20:57] Matt: Just because somebody sends you a friend request, or a LinkedIn request doesn't mean you have to say, okay. And I know there's like this weird statusy thing about, oh yes, I have 500 plus connections, but if you don't know these people, if you can't vouch for these people, are you gonna have guilt by association by just being connected to these people?

[00:21:17] Matt: Something to really think about. It's, it's, it's a very delicate thing to bring someone into your circle, to bring someone into your list, your network. , and it's something to really consider and really be careful about. Yeah.

[00:21:33] Fawn: Is it nourishing or is it poison?

[00:21:36] Matt: And there you go, nourishing and poison.

[00:21:38] Matt: And also, you know, looking at another instance where they're always like, oh, you should never, ever, ever accept a counter offer. So when you leave a job, oftentimes as you're saying, I redesign, they're like, oh, you know, of course we'll match your salary. What do you, what do you need to stay?

[00:21:56] Matt: People always say, don't do it. Don't ever do it. And the real,

[00:22:00] Fawn: Why?

[00:22:01] Matt: The reason, well, the rationale behind it and, you know, to say never, it's more of a, mostly like, almost never. Mm-hmm. . But the problem is, is that, there are reasons why you started looking. Mm-hmm. , it's never, it's rarely ever just the money.

[00:22:20] Matt: There's usually other stuff and sometimes it's just, I want a new challenge or a change of scenery. I want to see what life is out there cuz maybe you've been in a job too long. Sometimes it's a toxic boss, which is not gonna be fixed by money.

[00:22:34] Fawn: So Matt, would this be equivalent to a friendship or like a romantic relationship where you say, I wanna leave and then they talk you into staying so you stay, but then they always know

[00:22:48] Fawn: that you were planning to leave. So then it's also an opportunity for them to be the one that leaves or makes you leave.

[00:22:55] Matt: And and there you go. And that's the other thing that they, they always talk about is they, um, is certainly if you've already resigned and then they need to make, and they, they dragged you back and you stayed and maybe you're doing what exactly what you did before, but if they have to make cuts, you're at the top of the list

[00:23:13] Matt: because you were gonna leave anyways.

[00:23:15] Fawn: You're suspect.

[00:23:16] Fawn: Exactly. .

[00:23:18] Matt: And then there's that whole sense of refusing drama.

[00:23:20] Fawn: I had a friend that would always say, , and it seemed so inopportune. Is that the word? What's the word?

[00:23:29] Matt: You have to gimme the complete thought. Inopportune is a good word,

[00:23:32] Fawn: but it, it seemed harsh. Like you're in the middle of something and the person says, save the drama for your mama, Hao. Save the drama for your mama.

[00:23:43] Fawn: which is funny because I've heard the kids say it. Mm-hmm. , I'm like, Hey, I don't want it. , .

[00:23:49] Matt: It's just, yeah. Sometimes it's like, you know, you need to weigh it and you need to figure out whether or not, you're willing to continue forward. And sometimes it's continue forward in a relationship with someone, friendship, et cetera.

[00:24:03] Matt: Accepting the fact that, you know, they're, they want you to accept this level of.

[00:24:08] Fawn: and sometimes you have to be clear of what you are willing to accept. For example, talking about actual physical gifts, I've had to tell so many of our friends, please don't send us gifts, please, because we want to have a minimal household, meaning that we don't want a bunch of stuff.

[00:24:29] Fawn: we don't want a lot of things right? So please stop buying gifts because you're trying to show your affection. You're trying to show that you love us and you love the kids. You don't have to buy something. We're all about experience, so you don't need to buy a physical thing and then some, and then they don't get it.

[00:24:51] Fawn: So then I have to say, look, it's a burden when you send us gifts. You know, like I don't want a bunch of stuff. Right. or like remember like plastic stuff. Like I couldn't stand anything plastic. Mm-hmm. or toxic, you know, like people don't realize something is to, you know, they just buy stuff because it's cute.

[00:25:11] Fawn: Right. I'm like, oh my God, this will end up in the landfill. Yep. Like, please don't, because we would never buy this. Right. Um, so please don't, so you have to explain things several times. So you have to explain, I. You have to let people know what you're about and what you're willing to accept on all levels.

[00:25:30] Fawn: Yes. Not just like physical, cute, little gifts, right? You have to express to people what you're willing to express. To what you're willing to accept. Accept, accept. Accept. , not except . English is very bizarre. It is. English is so hard. Too many

[00:25:49] Matt: rules.

[00:25:50] Fawn: Ugh. Too many rules and then they're like, oh, in this case we we're gonna break this rule.

[00:25:54] Fawn: Anyway, that's another show. .

[00:25:57] Matt: Oh dear.

[00:25:57] Fawn: For those of you studying English around the world, I'm sorry.

[00:26:01] Matt: Me too.

[00:26:02] Fawn: My goodness. I mean, seriously. And I don't even wanna get into the semicolon punctuation. Anyway. All right. Are we, are we done? I think we're done. Is that our message for today? That is our message today.

[00:26:16] Fawn: Here's a little gift for you. Accept it or not . We love you so much. Thank you for the gift of listening. We love you so much and we'll talk to you in a few days. Take care. Be well. Bye.

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**Someone you help out that you love, who also loves you may turn on you. We've all heard the term “hurt people hurt.” The people who have hurt in them, who've experienced some sort of abuse (emotional pain or even physical pain) tend to lash out. Not everybody does that, but it's kind of like having a wound and you have to let the puss or whatever is in there come out.

We live in a world where we're all interconnected. So how do we handle that kind of outburst or conflict? How do we handle that when that's us or someone we see who's needing to vent or who's needing to clear all that stuff out? How can we get rid of all that stuff from the inside, release it, and how do we deal with it when we have to deal with other people in our community? The world is our community. What one person experiences, we all experience. How do we release this hurt safe way? In today's episode, we use the character Nate from the TV series Ted Lasso to explore who we pay attention to and how to create a loving way to release hurt and pain.**

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

Understanding Nate from Ted Lasso TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Okay. Are we ready? Yeah. No, , come

[00:00:03] Matt: on. It's early or it's late or it's

[00:00:06] Fawn: something. Hi everybody. Hello. How are you doing? What are you doing out there? Where are you? Hmm.

[00:00:14] Matt: We

[00:00:14] Fawn: had a power outage yesterday. We still kind of do. Now we have no internet, but I'm,

we're

[00:00:19] Matt: very thankful for electricity

[00:00:20] Fawn: today. We are so thankful Matt and I.

[00:00:23] Fawn: Matt and I got caught out there, .

[00:00:25] Matt: We were being stupid or

[00:00:27] Fawn: silly. Oh my God. We were so stupid, silly. We went out in a major storm. The

[00:00:33] Matt: storm was kind of over.

[00:00:35] Fawn: No, it was still, I mean, no. Yeah, the remnants of it were still here, so we had a huge power outage and it was scary. It was our first time in our new living here.

[00:00:47] Fawn: where we experienced a major storm and the lights were out normally we're prepared. Right. Normally I'm like very well.

[00:00:56] Matt: We had, we, we went without power for like 10 or 12, 14

days,

[00:01:01] Fawn: days, days. I know, and I'm usually very like the military, like I have everything set up. I know exactly where everything is.

[00:01:06] Fawn: I have hot water stored for us. But this, I've been so relaxed ever since we've settled here. , I don't know if that's good or bad, Matt. Anyway, while the kids were still sleeping and everything was still dark, we're like, let's go get them and surprise them with some hot chocolate. Yeah. And that way we can figure out does anyone have power out there in the world, or is, is it just our little area?

[00:01:30] Fawn: Anyway, we got stuck out. , all these trees were down. We didn't, I thought, we thought we could make it back because we found a way to get out of town. Not town, but like get into the major part of town. But on the way back, everything was closed off, like everything, and we couldn't get back home.

[00:01:47] Fawn: And I started to, I I, I was about to start crying. , right? Yeah. You panicked. But I was panicking. And then the police, you were like, let's just pull over and ask the police, like explain to them what we're trying to do. We were trying to get. and I'm like, I don't . Uh, no, uh, I don't, I don't because I was driving.

[00:02:06] Fawn: Right, right. I'm like, oh my God. So we, we get closer to the cop and stop picking at your stuff. Matt hurt his finger and he had to go to that doctor and now he keeps picking at it. Anyway, stop it. So what happened was I was, I think I was scared and you know, those of you who know me in person, I cannot hide my emotions.

[00:02:29] Fawn: Like you can read everything on my face. I can't hide. And so I probably looked terrified cuz I, I'm from la I'm used to like being afraid of the police. So , I think the closer we got, my eyes probably looked like humongous. Like I looked probably insane to him, like cuz I was scared to talk to him. and he's like, Hey, don't worry, I don't bite.

[00:02:55] Matt: He didn't say it like that. What did he say? He was cute. He was like, don't worry, I don't

[00:02:58] Fawn: bite. I didn't hear it like that. I did, I did not hear it like that because I'm like, okay. Cuz he was motioning for me to come closer and as I did like what, six inches and moved the car. He is like, stop. Like he yelled at me to stop my god.

[00:03:13] Fawn: What? Lord. He mercy. He's like, where do you live? ? Oh, let me guess from your perspective. He was like, he was lovely. Where do you live?

[00:03:25] Matt: Yes.

[00:03:25] Fawn: He was charming. Mm, white man. Perspective colored woman per perspective.

[00:03:31] Matt: He was lovely. He was very cute.

[00:03:32] Fawn: Oh. Anyway, so we've gone home. But I was so scared. I was like, oh no.

[00:03:39] Fawn: Even though our kids are old enough to be home alone, I, I was freaking out. I did not like being

[00:03:45] Matt: right. And as

[00:03:46] Matt: we came home, we bumped into Steve.

[00:03:49] Fawn: Yeah. Our neighbor.

[00:03:50] Matt: And Steve was like, yeah, no problem. Just, you know, I just told him where I was going and he'd let me ride through. Like it was no big

[00:03:56] Fawn: deal.

[00:03:56] Fawn: Yeah. For white. You all have no problems talking to the Popo, so let

[00:04:01] Matt: me drive next time and it'll be fine.

[00:04:04] Fawn: I didn't know we were gonna get in that mess. We kept driving and driving, trying to find a labyrinth of different ways to possibly get to our place and nothing, nothing. Anyway, I digress. Oh, yes, you, why did I start talking about

[00:04:18] Matt: this?

[00:04:18] Matt: I, I, I merely discussed we lost power and so you went into the diatribe that you went into anyway.

[00:04:24] Fawn: Yeah, so, so thank. So thankful. But anyway, still lots of people without power, there's definitely no internet, nothing. So it's nice actually, I, I had a relaxing day yesterday, aside from panicking about not being able to make it home anyway.

[00:04:46] Fawn: Ha.

[00:04:47] Fawn: So one of the things I did yesterday was lots of reflection. . Mm-hmm. . And there's some, I al I've always wondered about this with, of course with friendship, but like all, all relationships in general. So I started playing shows in my head that are one of my favorites and one of them is Ted Lasso, I swear.

[00:05:09] Fawn: Wait,

[00:05:09] Matt: you have history now with Jason Sudeikis?

[00:05:11] Fawn: Oh my God. I reached out to him on Instagram when, when his, when he was on Instagram and, and I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty certain. It was really him. Yeah. Um, anyway, , but I just, I love that show so much. It was Ted Lasso and a few other shows that totally saved our lives during the pandemic when we were totally scared.

[00:05:35] Fawn: The world was insane, horrible. Ted Lasso got us through. The characters are so rich and they did such a great job diving in deep and delving into each individual person and their personalities? Well,

[00:05:50] Matt: the people feel a lot more realized than in a lot of other cases. I mean, typically it's like the main characters are very actualized, but then the side characters aren't given a lot of meat.

[00:06:01] Matt: They're basically just there for the main character to

[00:06:04] Fawn: play off of. But in this case, that's not true.

[00:06:07] Matt: Correct.

[00:06:07] Fawn: Every character is rich and I just wanna see the show over and over and over again to understand all the clues that I missed before. Right. Because you can't pay attention to everything at the same time.

[00:06:19] Fawn: I can't. Anyway, you can.

[00:06:21] Matt: No, no, no. Abs absolutely. You do that. A character like Higgins, who you find out is like, he totally, which one was Higgins? He is the communications manager. Oh, okay. Yeah. And so he has a family. He wants to be a, didn't he like play the bass? Like he totally went down the beatnik route there for a second when he got like laid off.

[00:06:39] Matt: I mean, he's literally completely just foil kind of character, but there he is.

[00:06:45] Fawn: And one of his sons is a priest on the show. ,

[00:06:48] Matt: right? Yes. Yes. Because they have a nasty habit of cursing or something in front of him, right. . Anyways, but yes, that's just, that's just

[00:06:55] Fawn: for example. But I, um, I was talking to Wendy about this and she had the same reaction.

[00:07:02] Fawn: I did like the sheer terror of the very last second of the very last episode that we've seen, that we've seen, which was. Nate, the great, oh my goodness, that was scary. Like to see Nate, who's a very lovable character that's abused or has abuse in his past, emotional

[00:07:24] Matt: abuse. So Nate starts the series off by being basically the water boy.

[00:07:30] Matt: and dealing with the abuse that the water boy gets. And they eventually kind of elevate him to an assistant coach and they have him make a, a couple of interesting calls and then he leaves the club and it looks like he becomes the head coach at another club.

[00:07:46] Fawn: Oh, you just gave it away, Matt. Well, some people haven't seen it.

[00:07:49] Matt: You know what? Welcome to spoilers. You know, you can't spoil something that's been out over a year.

[00:07:54] Fawn: Okay, but here's the thing. A long time ago, someone who went to a lot of therapy, and had younger siblings, told me that her therapist said that when someone you help out that you love, who also love you will turn on you, like you have to expect that, that they will turn on you.

[00:08:21] Fawn: And I never understood, like she had a very bizarre outlook on life, this person. But most of the things she said, it was a person I worked with at a design studio. Most of the stuff she said was like, pretty interesting, you know, like, it, it wasn't totally wrong, , some of the things she said was wrong, wrong, wrong,

[00:08:41] Fawn: But, but, um, this one, I don't know. This one I've always thought about. I'm like, is that true? I don't know. When someone is hurt, you know, we've all heard the term hurt people hurt. Right, right. The people who have hurt in them, who are abused or who are experiencing emotional pain or even physical pain mm-hmm.

[00:09:07] Fawn: they tend to lash out. Not everybody, not everybody does that, but it's kind of like having a wound and you have to let the puss or whatever is in there come out. Right, right. Matt's pointing to his finger cause oh my God, he hurt his How is that doing? Cuz you keep messing with it again.

[00:09:26] Fawn: It's

[00:09:27] Matt: totally much better. But no, when, when, um, so it was all swelled up and the doctor like, totally gave like a, I swear to God it's, it was like a quarter inch gash on it and she squeezed out all the pus. I was. Very painful,

[00:09:41] Fawn: but you have anyway, to get that stuff out, you gotta get that stuff

[00:09:44] Matt: out. Yes.

[00:09:45] Matt: Emotion, emotionally, if it's, I dunno if you should have had as much glee as my doctor had, but Yes. , she had glee. She had glee. She was like, oh, it's like popping a pimple. Ew. Yeah. It was pretty disgusting. Anyways. Oh my God. That's beside the point anyway.

[00:09:58] Fawn: Yes. Non sequiter. So I'm thinking, I'm trying to remember where Nate started to go wrong.

[00:10:06] Fawn: I'm like, I think remember when he had a taste of letting it go, like expressing his true emotions and being free to say whatever he wanted to say. Remember, it was, I think, in the middle of the whole show where Ted Lassos, Ted lasso Ted. Said, I want you to say all this stuff to, to the whole crew. To the

[00:10:29] Matt: team.

[00:10:30] Matt: Oh, right. He writes down stuff for Ted and then Ted's like, this is perfect. You tell him, he

[00:10:34] Fawn: basically roasts every single player and he's not nice. He's just like, you know, you, I don't remember the things. He

[00:10:44] Matt: was accurate. and he was honest. Mm-hmm. . And he, at the same time, he was funny. Yes, I remember that.

[00:10:50] Matt: And him being granted that ability, as you know, as you're about to say, him being granted that ability and granted that freedom to do that might have been the beginning of his dissent into

[00:11:00] Fawn: darkness. Right, right. Like letting it out, like everything he's held in. All the abuse he got from his dad, the not being loved or respected by his dad or anyone else around him being ignored for so long.

[00:11:16] Fawn: Finally, it was released and it, it was like it was a slow building kind of explosion of dark things to come out. Mm-hmm. . Anyway, what I'm saying is we all live in a world where we're all interconnected. So how do we handle that? How do we handle that when that's us? Who's doing that?

[00:11:37] Fawn: Who's needing to vent or who's needing to vomit all that stuff out? You know, take, get rid of all that stuff from the inside, like, release it and how do we deal with it when we have to deal with other people in our community, with the world is our community that need to expel that stuff. How can we do it in a safe manner?

[00:12:01] Fawn: How can we do it in, um, Gentle manner. I don't know if it'll be gentle. Sometimes

[00:12:06] Matt: a controlled manner

[00:12:08] Fawn: is what you're looking for and that you can't control it because it's about emotion. No,

[00:12:12] Matt: that's true. The person who's expressing can't control it. The people around that person need to be understanding and in control, and

[00:12:21] Fawn: that's why art is so important in society because that's one way you can do it.

[00:12:26] Fawn: Mm-hmm. , you can express yourself through song, through paintings, through sculpture, through, I don't know, any kind of art form. It's one way where you can totally be free in being able to release all that stuff in a safe way. Right, right. Without harming someone else. Typically , yeah, ab,

[00:12:46] Matt: absolutely.

[00:12:47] Matt: And there's also, God, what was it? I God, I just saw something about this, but I think they called it like a rage cage or something. Hmm. Which is one of these places you go into and you break stuff.

[00:12:58] Fawn: It's called a rage cage. Yeah. You, I was watching some cooking

[00:13:01] Matt: show. That's right. I was watching some weird cooking contest show Hell's Kitchen.

[00:13:05] Matt: I think it might have been because, I was watching it. I'm not a huge fan, but I was watching it and one of the rewards was they let all the chefs go to this place called the Rage Cage and like they were like taking sledgehammers to toilets and things. So it's like the next evolution. Cuz there was this thing I remember hearing about where you got to break pottery and then you, you got stuff to make mosaics with mm-hmm.

[00:13:29] Matt: So literally it was like break and fix. Mm-hmm. . But like you were breaking dishes and things and this is like next level.

[00:13:35] Fawn: Right? Hold on.

[00:13:39] Fawn: Huh, that's better. I had to move the mic. Okay. So, alright. I guess that's it. Problem solved .

[00:13:45] Matt: Well, no, no, no. Um, but that's just it. I think there's a lot to it. First thing, of course, is you have to realize maybe there's, there's a problem and it's, it's deep-seated. I think in dealing with it though, you also have to think of yourself as being like a parent with a, an infant who's in pain.

[00:14:04] Matt: I've always said

[00:14:04] Fawn: that. I know you stole that from me.

[00:14:07] Matt: You stole that from me.

[00:14:08] Fawn: Oh my God, Matt. No, .

[00:14:11] Matt: See, now I have to be the parent. It's okay. Excuse

[00:14:13] Fawn: me. It's okay. Oh hell no. It's Matt. It's okay. Matt. Shut up. . Matt. Hey, you all can go back to the previous episodes from when we began. It was I, I was the one who was saying all this.

[00:14:26] Fawn: That's my theory. Good Lord. You make me mad. Go on. What were you saying Anyway? Yeah. Anyways,

[00:14:33] Matt: we, and the, the trick is, is paying attention and you know, honestly in inside of the show, like Ted Lasso, obviously they need drama. They need to create some element of conflict. So it's important to not recognize for the people around him, to not see him evolving, devolving, whatever you want to call

[00:14:52] Fawn: it, into him.

[00:14:53] Fawn: As in Nate. Nate,

[00:14:54] Matt: the Great. Yeah. Nate, Nathan. , you know, watching his character arc change in the course of time. They, they, because

[00:15:02] Fawn: there's a lot of, there's no show, there's a lot of assuming and, and that, and that's perfect that it's, that's brilliant because yeah, people who are quiet and who take care of everyone else, they go under the radar.

[00:15:12] Fawn: And we don't think to ourselves, oh, this person could be hurting or this person, right? This person's squared away. We don't have to worry. Let's, let's pay attention to this person, right? Mm-hmm. ,

[00:15:23] Matt: you know, he got, he got his strokes like, oh my God, you reme. He, the first episode, he's like, oh my God, you remembered my name.

[00:15:29] Matt: Right? And he was so happy because nobody even bothered to remember his name. Right.

[00:15:36] Fawn: Ouch. I mean, and this gets scary, but like, when you hear about people who do terrible things and the people around them get interviewed, like people in the neighborhood. . And the common thing is, oh, they were always so quiet.

[00:15:51] Fawn: Were they quiet or did you ignore them? Right. And assume nothing about them.

[00:15:57] Matt: Right, right. And did you not try and draw them out or,

[00:16:04] Fawn: mm-hmm. . Yeah. It's bizarre. I mean, just moving here to this beautiful area. The more you get to know people, the more you understand. Even though everything seems to be copacetic, there's been lots of, drama, drama and like there's been miscommunication and people get upset over trees or whatever it is.

[00:16:33] Fawn: And

[00:16:34] Matt: there's been downright lies and there's been, you know Right. People

[00:16:37] Fawn: fight and for years too. Yeah. It's something that happens all the time. And this is part of the key things in friendships and relationships is to acknowledge all this. And you could say, well, I don't have time for that.

[00:16:51] Fawn: But what happens when things get so out of control? You have to make time for that. It's like raising children again, because you can say, I don't have time for that, or I don't have the energy for it. But you have to, you have to stop everything and pay attention. Be present, and we have to do that with everybody, and that's one of the benefits and the downfalls of living in a society.

[00:17:18] Fawn: The benefit is that we are truly helping each other out. Like the power went out. We were all scared inside and there were things banging around everywhere. And when the power went out, there were explosions we could see of light and live wires on the ground and sparks. And, you know, when we went out with the car, we saw these topple trees over power lines.

[00:17:45] Fawn: We saw one of those big, big. Things that hold the power lines that just fell and was, blocking the whole highway. But like, look at all the people who stepped in and knew what to do. Experts on every level, removing things, handling electricity, knowing exactly what to do so we can be warm and have power in our little homes.

[00:18:09] Fawn: It's amazing. Now, if I had to do that on my own. , we'd be living with nothing. , I don't know how electricity works.

[00:18:19] Matt: We, we'd have a solar oven, maybe

[00:18:21] Fawn: how there was no sun out. And how do we even make a solar oven? I don't know. Mirrors . How do you make a mirror Matt? Do you know what I'm saying? Everybody has a purpose and everybody has their techniques of their knowledge of

[00:18:38] Fawn: how to make life beautiful. Right? So those are the benefits. And the other side is, it is our obligation with all these benefits to look out for one another and to pay attention to one another,

[00:18:53] Matt: right? Yes. Yes. And it's, but it's also our obligation to realize when we're in a place where we need help to find it.

[00:19:02] Matt: Yes.

[00:19:06] Matt: because there is findable help out there. Huh? But now

[00:19:11] Fawn: if you wanna s Well, you know what? We can't leave it out there. Like there's findable help out there. Well, what do you mean by that, Matt? Like, give me some examples for me when you say that. I think. Okay. When I'm scared. or I'm distraught.

[00:19:25] Fawn: I will call up someone I know.

[00:19:27] Matt: Yes.

[00:19:27] Fawn: And tell them I'm distraught. I'm scared, I don't know what to do.

[00:19:31] Matt: Yep.

[00:19:31] Fawn: And they may not know, so I go to another person. Right. But I keep asking for help, you know, like, um, like I and you, you would be surprised that you're actually watched, people are curious. So people are, Like, we moved into this neighborhood and we found out people were watching.

[00:19:51] Fawn: Every time I've been out in the yard not knowing, thinking to myself, I don't know what to do with this. Like, I, I don't understand nature and there's a yard that I'm now taking care of. I don't know. I swear almost every time a friend Kathy comes over and helps me. and I'm so thankful, because I really don't know what I'm doing.

[00:20:12] Fawn: Right. Do you know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. , or I was looking at the spigot outside. I'm like, oh my God, the deep freeze is coming. I don't know what to do with the spigot. I don't know. And like she came over and she told us what to do. Now we couldn't figure out what to do cause we couldn't figure it out in the house.

[00:20:26] Fawn: Like we couldn't figure out where the valve was to turn off the water. , but I figured it out. But it was because I had some of the burden lifted off my shoulders because I knew someone cared and she was genuinely trying to help me, even though we didn't find the solution that loving kindness of trying to help me even though we didn't reach the resolve allowed me

[00:20:51] Fawn: to find it on my own. What I ended up doing was I took one of the mittens that belonged to El and Allegra when they were babies, . I put those mittens like they're waterproof for snow, for playing in the snow. I put those over the water spigot outside the house, so it looks like there's a baby hand sticking out of the side of the house.

[00:21:11] Fawn: There's two of. Oh, but you know, , I, I fixed it.

Well,

[00:21:16] Matt: hopefully, yes, yes. But that's just it, you know, go looking for help, and you should be able to find something. At the lowest, highest level, there's state agencies, certainly, but there's also, it, it depends on how much or how little help you need.

[00:21:32] Matt: Sometimes it's just somebody being kind. Mm. Or sometimes it's you performing a service for someone else. And

[00:21:40] Fawn: here's the thing, if more people do this, the easier it is to just get that help naturally from like going to get a cup of coffee and having someone be kind to you or like, you see magical things, loving things happen all the time and they happen for you.

[00:21:55] Fawn: You're able to see that. But when we don't do that, when we all don't do that as much, then everybody's hurting and everybody's grumpy and everybody's in so much pain that it becomes a very negative society that you feel like the majority of things out there are bad, that people are mean, but really it is quite the opposite because people do care.

[00:22:24] Fawn: I think listening to the news, and especially the past few years, the amount that we're exposed to, the amount of things that have been happening the past few years. It's really, and, and then also the war that's going on within the media, this side versus this other side, right. Dividing us even further than we were divided before.

[00:22:50] Fawn: I think it just makes the whole thing even more un, un untreatable, like, well,

[00:22:56] Matt: they certainly give, they, they, it seems like the media are fond of presenting problems and no solutions, and unfortunately, if they can do that for 24 hours a day, seven days a week and never provide any solutions, it starts to feel like there are no solutions.

[00:23:15] Matt: whereas the solutions really are talk, see people as people and figure out h how people are hurting and how you can help,

[00:23:24] Fawn: or, you know, you don't even have to go looking for people who are hurting. But just like being present for one another is pretty effortless and once you start doing it, you're like, oh my God, that was amazing.

[00:23:38] Fawn: Like, I barely, it barely takes any effort. Like I always say, you would be surprised what A little smile, a genuine smile. Like the, not the ones where you just stretch your lips and show your teeth. No, a genuine smile. You'd be surprised what that can do. Baby. Step number one, . You know, then the other baby step would be saying hello, and then when you ask them how they're doing, actually standing there and waiting.

[00:24:08] Fawn: To actually hear a response, a real one, how are you?

[00:24:16] Fawn: And then if they come back with, um, a generic "fine," pushing it a little bit further and maybe asking a question about them or maybe commenting on, something that's beautiful about them that day. Any little thing that will let the person know that you see them, that they matter.

[00:24:36] Fawn: Right? That's all it takes. You don't have to find the cure to cancer . Do you know what I'm saying? Right.

[00:24:43] Matt: And and honestly, in the process of doing that, you generally feel better too.

[00:24:48] Fawn: Yeah. Because you realize how easy it is and like how fun it is to connect with someone when you make that connection, even if it's for a split second, you never see the person again,

[00:24:58] Fawn: it is. It is. It is amazing. It's you. It is. You get such a high, you. . It's so true. You get so happy and giddy like yippeee1. It's really interesting as opposed to the other way around, like when someone cuts you off or like you are mean to each other, you end up walking life constantly replaying the person that cut you off or the person that called you this horrible name.

[00:25:30] Fawn: Right. Anyway. I used to have, so I used to live in LA. So did Matt. This is before I met you, Matt. Have I told you this? So I would be, coming home from work or going to work. I was always stuck in traffic. Even on the 4 0 5, the freeway, like it was like a parking lot. So you'd be on the freeway.

[00:25:51] Fawn: You're supposed to be like going 60 miles an hour. You're like standing still for a long time. So what I started to do was I got several different bicycle bells that were inside the car , and sometimes I would take one of them, like whatever I felt like having as the sound for that particular moment. And I would take it in my hand and take it outside of the car door, where the window is.

[00:26:20] Fawn: Mm-hmm. , where the, uh, window where you can see the traffic on the side, the side window. What is it called? The side mirror. And I would ring it like I don't have it with me. Is there one here? You know, like a bicycle bell, right? Those old school bicycle bells. And I would ring it and on the freeway because everybody's standing still.

[00:26:43] Fawn: And it's kind of like people have their windows down, maybe, you know, like. and they hear this bicycle bell on the freeway, like as you're staying . Right. So, and people started looking around and then some, some people started laughing, and then sometimes I had one of those Groucho Marks ones, those honky ones, Hong Kong, you know those big bulbus?

[00:27:04] Fawn: Yes. Black, the black ball that you squeeze, you know? Mm-hmm. with a, anyway, why am I saying this? I totally. Just stuff like that.

[00:27:15] Matt: Well, it, it's a way of making connection, getting stuck in traffic a little more enjoyable. Yeah. And connecting with

[00:27:21] Fawn: people. And you know what, once I was asked out on a date on the freeway as we were stuck on the 4 0 5

[00:27:30] Fawn: Oh dear. He was cute too. Uh, but anyway, you can have connections anywhere, guys. It's fun. It's. It could just be a little glance. That's it. Anyway, I feel like we've said this before, but in different ways. Right. So anything else to add? Look out for the Nates. Sometimes we're all Nates.

[00:27:54] Matt: Sometimes, yeah, sometimes we're dwelling in a place we shouldn't be dwelling and we need somebody to help lift us out.

[00:28:01] Fawn: And sometimes there are not. Sometimes, and there's signs everywhere. Like I remember there was this, outdoor mall we would go to in Boulder. There was this guy who did yoga, this older man, he totally looked like a yogi from India, skinny, like tall, very flexy. and before he started his shows like his shows were just like, he would do these maneuvers, like turn himself into a pretzel.

[00:28:31] Fawn: But the way he started his shows cracked me up and I started to take his line and say it all the time when I felt like I was a Nate. So he would start off the show by saying, pay attention to me.

[00:28:48] Fawn: nice. Hello. Pay attention to me. Pay attention to me. And people would, with, with graciousness, like, like all excited, like, oh, okay. Like they didn't know what was happening. It was just this one man. Right. just standing there, no props, nothing. Just his body like saying, pay attention to me, nice and and then he would start the show.

[00:29:09] Fawn: It was brilliant. I'm like, yeah, pay attention to me, . That's it. Thank you for paying attention to us. Love you guys so much. Talk to you in a few days. Be well. Bye.

View Details

**Friends In Real Life.

We've spent so long sequestered where the relationships that we had had were primarily virtual. They were over the phone, they were on video chat, but they weren't

tactile, they weren't "I'm right in front of you." So things like when I'm texting, I can curate. When I'm Facebook posting again, I can curate. I can choose to write out a paragraph and then delete it and then write something else. Right. So there's a filter there. And in real life, there is still that filter but it's trickier because somebody can see when you're thinking you should say one thing, but you say something
else. There are micro gestures that will tell you everything if you are open to it. If you're present enough, you can pick up everything from a split-second movement that happens.

We were sequestered even before the pandemic; as a society, we really didn't hang out together that much. Everybody has this magical number in their head that if they have one friend or seven friends or 21 friends, that's enough and they don't want anymore. What kind of friend is it? , is it really a friendship, or is it an acquaintance? People are constantly evolving. And so it's like you need to see their authentic selves in order to connect with that.**Listen here: https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

Friends IRL (In Real Life) TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] MATT: .

[00:00:00] MATT: Hello.

[00:00:06] FAWN: Good morning. Do you have your morning juice? Which is coffee? You feel better?

[00:00:14] MATT: I always feel

[00:00:14] FAWN: better after coffee or

[00:00:16] MATT: before coffee. Juice in the morning. Whenever I'm recording with you darling. Mm-hmm. . .

[00:00:22] MATT: Oh Lord.

[00:00:23] FAWN: Welcome back everybody. Hi. So, um, Whew. Okay. Before we get into what we're gonna talk about today, help me get over the struggle.

[00:00:35] FAWN: I don't know what to do. I feel like I used to be creative and now I feel like I'm not creative. Right. I feel like everybody else is so much more brilliant and when we have assignments, everybody else is so much better like that. It's been a very long time now that I haven't created stuff. I haven't, and then when I do, it's so boring and generic.

[00:01:05] FAWN: See, I

[00:01:07] FAWN: feel terrible

[00:01:08] MATT: and I completely get that. Back in college, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We had a saying, uh, brain cells must be sacrificed because when you drink, you lose brain cells. But anyways, um, how I come to it now is how many brain cells am I going to spend a brain cell thinking about this problem?

[00:01:28] MATT: and most of the time I, I do the bare minimum. And you,

[00:01:32] FAWN: so you lose brain cells when you think about something. No, when

[00:01:35] MATT: you drink. Oh. So that's why we said brain cells must be sacrificed, but that takes us to brain cells. See? So now I say I haven't spent a, I haven't spent any brain cells on it. I haven't mean, I haven't spent any time really thinking about it because welcome to the world, right?

[00:01:50] MATT: You've got 85 things going on at any given moment. So it's about choosing your intention. in choosing where you want to spend your mental energies. Cuz we talked about this, we talked about how you have only so much currency, emotional and otherwise to spend in the course of a day. The same way you have only so much kind of thinking currency or decision making currency.

[00:02:11] MATT: You can only make so many decisions in a day.

[00:02:13] FAWN: Really?

[00:02:14] MATT: Yeah. Oh yeah. So, and we talked about, we, we

talked

[00:02:19] FAWN: about this not way as parents we're so tired at the end of the day.

[00:02:22] MATT: It can be yes.

[00:02:24] FAWN: I mean, I'm, I'm like barely making it up the stairs at the end of the day. Well, yeah,

[00:02:30] MATT: that's why I'm conking out at like 8:00 PM folks.

[00:02:33] MATT: My goodness.

[00:02:36] FAWN: It's

[00:02:37] FAWN: terrible.

[00:02:37] MATT: It's not terrible. It's, it's where you choose to spend your intention, your thought process and your energies. And you know what, all it means to me when you say, I'm not the most creative one, you're not choosing to spend enough, maybe as much energy as these other people are choosing to spend or able to spend.

[00:02:54] MATT: See, that just

[00:02:55] FAWN: gives me more stress. I put everything I have into a bunch of things.

[00:03:00] MATT: Exactly, and that's just it.

[00:03:02] FAWN: But I, I have to, at this point in my life, I, I. That's what I have to do. What? You want me to ignore our kids? Do you want me to ignore the house and you want me

[00:03:12] MATT: to ignore em? There, there, there are plenty of sayings that I can, I can, um, throw out right now.

[00:03:18] MATT: One of 'em is kind of body, so I won't throw that one out. But, um, you know, it's about what you focus on grows and, and focusing your attentions properly. Um, you know, I am one of those people who I get so focused on one or the other. It's, I have a hard time walking and chewing gum at the same. and that's just what it is.

[00:03:36] MATT: I mean, I choose to focus my attention on one thing at a time, and sometimes that means I have to context shift like crazy, but

[00:03:46] FAWN: still, I guess I'm screwed then hey, because I can't there. There's a lot of things that I take care of. I take care of you. I take care of the kids. I take care of our health, our food, our everything.

[00:04:01] FAWN: There's so many things I'm taking care of. I'm working on children's picture books. I'm working on voiceover career. I'm working on photography.

[00:04:09] MATT: So career, and maybe you should leverage the creative talent you have in the house already.

[00:04:15] FAWN: What do you mean?. .

[00:04:16] MATT: Well, I mean, it was spoken word, Christmas song, right?

[00:04:20] MATT: Yeah. I spent half a brain cell on that For you. Had we spent, had I spent five and had the girls spent five each and had you spent five, that would've been a lot of

[00:04:30] FAWN: brain cells. Okay. So what Matt is talking about is we're doing voiceover work. Um, we're learning the craft. Voiceover acting.

[00:04:39] MATT: Well, you are.

[00:04:40] FAWN: I am.

[00:04:41] FAWN: And, and, but through me, you guys are experiencing what I'm learning. Mm-hmm. . So we had this competition with, the voiceover network. It was to do a Christmas Carol or a Christmas song, but you can't sing it. You have to do a voiceover. The thing that really got me was I didn't wanna do a video.

[00:05:01] FAWN: One of the reasons I love this podcast is I can be free knowing that no one's looking at my face, but if you're looking at me and I'm reading a line, I get really messed up. I can't, I hate being in front of the camera, which is why I'm a photographer behind the camera.

[00:05:20] MATT: Yes, but that's just it. Again, working within the theory of constraints or the practice of constraints.

[00:05:25] MATT: Okay, fine. Video, that's fine. But what would stop you from say, doing Still knocked, which is Silent Night in German, which is how I originally learned it. Welcome to being a Lutheran.

[00:05:37] FAWN: Matt, I don't know what that is we are thinking of, but like these people

[00:05:41] MATT: say, say, saying Silent Night to song Silent Night in German. So

[00:05:46] FAWN: why not? Because it's not, you don't understand Matt, babe. These people were so creative. It's about they were pushing boundaries. Okay. That's not pushing boundaries.

[00:05:55] FAWN: These people took these songs and they were very funny. Well honestly be

[00:05:59] MATT: like, they're amazing. Would be, that would be a terrible thing to do because you know, is voiceover, so that should be probably in English, but still it's. Pushing. It's about, and it's about leveraging your community, your friends, people around you to help you come up with good

[00:06:15] FAWN: stuff.

[00:06:17] FAWN: Ooh. And another thing is like, yeah, I have no time to mess around with creating a video and doing all these takes like I have things to do.

[00:06:25] MATT: So you're so focused on the video aspect of it. Yeah,

[00:06:28] FAWN: because that's what everyone did. I took my videos and I turned them into audiograms. Anyway, that's not what we're here to talk about.

[00:06:34] FAWN: Oh dear. I'm just saying I feel so inadequate and I don't know what to do. Like I was talking to a friend Kathy yesterday. I was over at her house having a lovely tea, and I swear three different times I broke down in tears and I stopped myself. So it wasn't a full on cry, but it was because I feel like I'm failing all the time.

[00:07:02] FAWN: I feel like I'm failing, you know? I'm not where I wanna be with the career and all that stuff. And just growing up the way I did, knowing what I know now, I would've changed so much because I am now more aware of opportunities and more aware of how you can speak up for yourself and more aware of how you can leverage your life and negotiate and really talk and communicate in order to get things done the way you want.

[00:07:39] FAWN: You know, like I got accepted to the Cooper Union on the spot, which is not what they do with a caveat of if you would just turn this one thing in. And I, I froze, and I, and I didn't, and it's haunted me this whole time, you know, because they asked for drawings. They're like, you know, based on your photography, you are in, you're in kid.

[00:08:05] FAWN: Just give us 30 drawings. One a. And I was like, oh my God, I have to do these like Michelangelo type masterpieces. And I froze and I couldn't do it. But do you know what I'm saying? Like I do when you, and, and you know, when Kathy was like, stop being so hard on yourself. Not everything is about money. You know, everyone will say that not, but it is to me, I'm sorry, when you don't have it right, of course.

[00:08:33] FAWN: And you feel like, you know, It's, it's terrible. Anyway, but it's so nice to have friends remind you of your wins, well,

[00:08:43] MATT: again, social comparison theory, which we talked about, what was it last week? Yeah. Again, one of my main takeaways is, Okay. It's inevitable. You will compare, compare yourself to everyone.

[00:08:55] MATT: Just make sure you compare up and down. You have to again say, wow, I got this thing that no one else got. And, you know, does that make you into a, a snob or a mean person? No. An elitist, no. As long as you're comparing both, both ways. Mm-hmm. , you know, um, Edison love him or hate him, and most people aren't tremendous fans of him constantly compared himself to Da Vinci.

[00:09:19] MATT: and the things that Da Vinci had invented. This is what the Simpsons taught me anyway, . Okay.

[00:09:25] FAWN: The, the Simpson Simpsons. The cartoon. Yes. Oh my God.

[00:09:29] MATT: Really? Yes. Constantly. He, he always felt like he was behind da Vinci, cuz Da Vinci invented so many things. Plus he was an artist. Plus he was, I mean, come on, da Vinci invented the helicopter

[00:09:42] MATT: for goodness sake. How mental is that? . Hmm. . But anyways, it's, it's inescapable. And that's what one of the things that social comparison theory teaches us. But we need to, a, keep ourselves humble. B, keep ourselves realistic, and c, always be learning, always be hustling. And, and that's, that's what that is.

[00:10:07] MATT: Okay. You know, ask for help when you need it.

[00:10:13] FAWN: Yeah, but sometimes you don't know what you should be asking for.

[00:10:16] MATT: That is true. And that's, and that's, that's why you, that's the trouble, that's why, see, I, that's why I love having friends who check me, who, which is of course a hockey term, which means basically you keep somebody from skating the way they wanna skate.

[00:10:30] MATT: That's why I have friends who correct, who ask questions, who dig into stuff. And you too.

[00:10:37] FAWN: So today's subject, I'm just gonna get into it cuz I'm like, I'm not feeling

[00:10:42] MATT: we're never gonna get there.

[00:10:43] FAWN: Yeah. I'm not feeling any better . I still feel like crap.

[00:10:46] MATT: I'm sorry babe.

[00:10:50] FAWN: wo to me. Woe is me. So you, you have been talking about this and we've been talking about it too you, you call it IRL

[00:11:02] FAWN: I'm like, why are you remember the. You're, you've gotten way better with me, but so Matt's a computer programmer. When he used to come home from work and I asked him how his day was, all I would get was a stream of acronyms,

[00:11:18] MATT: three letter acronyms,

[00:11:19] FAWN: TLAs, like he would just tell me what he did that day.

[00:11:22] FAWN: And what he did was like all these coding things, they

[00:11:26] MATT: were random letters strung together as far as Fawn was concerned.

[00:11:29] FAWN: And I wanted to know how he felt that day, who he saw. . You know how, how was your day? And it was all computer stuff like no words. Just, it was crazy. Anyway, so , I r L in real life, but I guess that's what is everyone talks about, right?

[00:11:52] FAWN: I r L is not a computer term, but

[00:11:54] MATT: the com, the computer geek has taken over

[00:11:57] FAWN: friends in real life. What do you have to say about. FUD .

[00:12:04] MATT: Well, what's so interesting is I spent, or we spent so long sequestered where our relationships that we had had were primarily virtual. They were over the phone, they were on video chat, but they weren't

[00:12:19] MATT: tactile, they weren't "I'm right in front of you." So things like when I'm texting, I can curate. When I'm Facebook posting again, I can curate. I can choose to write out a paragraph and then delete it and then write something else. Right. So there's a filter there. And, and in real life there's, there is still that filter.

[00:12:38] MATT: There. There is a filter, but it's trickier because somebody can see when you're thinking you should say one thing, but you say something

[00:12:44] FAWN: else. There are micro gestures that will tell you everything if you are open to it. If you're present enough, you can pick up everything from a split second.

[00:12:55] FAWN: Exactly. Look, a split second movement. that happens. But I kind of wanna disagree with you because we were sequestered even before the pandemic. And I'm not just talking about us as a family. I think as a society, we really didn't hang out together that much. I mean, that's how we started this whole thing.

[00:13:15] FAWN: Mm-hmm. with, we, we called it be friendly at at one point, but that's the whole friendship movement we started, started way before the pandemic.

[00:13:26] MATT: That is true.

[00:13:26] FAWN: And no one would. Not no one, a few people, a fraction, a small fraction of the population was on board with us. Right? Like yes,

[00:13:40] MATT: exactly right. And these are the people who are looking for friends.

[00:13:43] MATT: Mm-hmm. , I think most people bebop through life in the same way that they're not looking for relationships, they're not looking for friends, which is really, really sad.

[00:13:55] FAWN: And we heard so many people say. , you know, when they found out what we were working on, what our project was, they would like in a very adamant way,

[00:14:06] FAWN: like it was almost, um, mean like I felt attacked by them when they would say it, they would say, I'm not here to make friends. I'm not looking for friends. I don't need any more friends.

[00:14:21] MATT: And, and that's just it, that phrase right there, I don't need, need is a weird word, any more friends. Everybody has this magical number in their head that if they have one friend or seven friends or 21 friends, that's enough and they don't want anymore.

[00:14:38] FAWN: And that's just it though, that What kind of friend is it? , is it really a friendship or is it an acquaintance? Is it, what is it? Is it someone you just see at the grocery

[00:14:50] MATT: store or is it somebody that you, it's not invite over once a month? Or is it somebody you play poker with or is it you know, somebody who you go over to their house and you watch footy ball?

[00:15:01] MATT: Who knows? There's

[00:15:02] FAWN: a lot of assuming going on, like what I noticed there was a lot of assuming going on. People thought, I have plenty of friends, I have no more room. And I always, cause I'm already so busy. Oh my God. So that was part of the problem. , right? The four letter word. Wait, b u s y. Yeah. Four, four letters.

[00:15:23] FAWN: Um, I hate that word. Those were fighting words for me. We did a whole episode in the very, very, very, very beginning that if you say busy to me mm-hmm. , those are fighting words. . Or it's the end. I'm like, okay, got it. So that's a big F you to me when you say, I'm busy, instead of saying, this is what I'm doing, you know?

[00:15:46] FAWN: Right. I can't make it. This is what I'm doing. Mm-hmm. , or I just don't feel like it, but to say, I'm busy. No, thank you. Bye. I, it's a deal breaker. But anyway, so we're talking about friends in real life and. I kind of changed my mind because we were all about friends in real life. That's what our whole matchmaking service was.

[00:16:09] FAWN: Our whole platonic matchmaking service we had that we still have, right? We still have the code for it and everything. We have the code, but it's not hosted. We just put it on ice for a little bit. Um, but our whole, I forgot my train of thought. What was I saying?

[00:16:32] MATT: Sorry, I was taking notes. Um, you were talking about, I don't know,

[00:16:38] FAWN: Well, that's awkward.

[00:16:39] FAWN: Wow.

[00:16:40] MATT: I have no idea. Oh, in the beginning we firmly believed in, bringing together people physically, but, and then you were segueing somewhere else.

[00:16:49] FAWN: Oh yeah. Okay. Thank you so much honey. Thanks for listening, ,

[00:16:54] MATT: and thank you for listening,

[00:16:55] FAWN: listeners. Oh my God. So that's, I was of the firm belief that for sure we need in-person.

[00:17:05] FAWN: and that's what we were, that's what we were all about, right? That we, we found a way, we had an algorithm and we had a very, very old technique of matchmaking to have people be in person. And that when you have people on social media that are following you, or maybe you're even talking to once in a while.

[00:17:29] FAWN: That that's not real, real friendship. But since the pandemic, because everything had to be online and everything was either through social media or through Zoom, I actually made some fantastic friends. And I wanna say we, Matt made some fantastic friends, like Barry came over a few weeks ago from another state.

[00:17:52] FAWN: But we're close enough, you know. When we met in person in real life, we were both commenting like, that's weird because like I think Barry mentioned immediately, what did he say when he first saw us? Like, something about you are exactly like I, I imagined you to be. And it was a shock, you know? And it was a shock.

[00:18:22] FAWN: on another level. I was like, why are you even saying that? Because I already felt that we were family. Right. Because we have been talking for so long now. Right.

[00:18:31] MATT: But circle back, Barry is of course, Mr. Kind.

[00:18:35] FAWN: Yeah, he, Barry has been on our show a few times. He's coming back in a couple weeks and he travels and tours the United States to spread kindness.

[00:18:48] FAWN: He goes to schools, he volunteers. He's an amazing poet, musician, he spreads kindness to kids and, and he's just an amazing, just a lovely guy. Angel. So talented. Anyways,

[00:19:02] MATT: yes. So anyway, we got

[00:19:03] FAWN: together in real life with Barry,

[00:19:06] MATT: Barry owns his inner Popeye. Mm-hmm. . I own my inner Popeye. You own your inner Popeye.

[00:19:14] MATT: We are who we are and that's who we are. And, and you know, Merry Christmas and I'm not gonna present to you that I'm a, something that I'm not. Mm-hmm. . So that makes for an easy trans that made for the easy transition. It's cuz none of us were fronting.

[00:19:30] FAWN: Mm-hmm. . Right. There was no editing, like how you said people,

[00:19:37] FAWN: people present or front people edit what they're gonna say and what they're gonna look like on social media. Right. So it's harder to, it's harder to sense when someone is being authentic and what's really going on. If there's a lot of editing

[00:19:51] MATT: Yes.

[00:19:52] FAWN: Photoshopping, editing of what you're gonna say. Uh, editing of exactly what angle you're gonna show of your life,

[00:20:00] MATT: and I have to imagine like musicians, like when they quote unquote meet their fans, It's like, particularly in this day and age, it seems like, um, like our girls listen to a lot of very emotional female singers, and that's a moment in time that they wrote about.

[00:20:18] MATT: They don't live there. They're, they've, they've gone through a whole life. And I have to imagine like a fan of a particular song imagines that the singer is still caught in that place because a singer very carefully shows you that . . And if they're not there anymore, even if they have to sing that song every night and try and bring up those feelings and that energy, they don't necessarily live there.

[00:20:43] MATT: And so I think it's, it can be really disheartening for a fan to meet a lot of

[00:20:48] FAWN: singers. Wow. And I just thought about it. And if you love that song and you're listening to it over and over and over again, you are living there forever. Forever. You

[00:20:56] MATT: are living there as a listener, but the performer's not living there.

[00:20:59] MATT: Mm-hmm. , the performers moved. So it can be a very weird and uncomfortable space to just assume that, you know, that's the way it is. Right. And you know, the best bands, the best singers, the best, everything. They're constantly evolving. The best people are constantly evolving. And so it's like you need to see their authentic selves in order to connect with that.

[00:21:24] MATT: And

[00:21:24] FAWN: so you're saying in real life, then you can see the movements, you can see the change in atmosphere. You can change a person's, outlook by interacting with them, right? You can see the peaks and valleys even in within a few minutes. So you're not just looking at a static presented piece of art, right?

[00:21:48] FAWN: Which is what people. Right out there on, on the internet, on social media and everything.

[00:21:54] MATT: And there you go. And, and in point of fact, I am constantly now thinking about, and I had this thought just the other day, which is one of the things that led to this show. And I was talking to my, my, my good buddy. And there's a lot of points we intersect on.

[00:22:06] MATT: There's a lot of points we don't. And he mentioned just kind of obliquely that, you know, he took his whole office out to dinner to celebrate the holidays. He did. He did. That's nice. And I'm like, . That doesn't even factor for me that he's a guy who's the boss who takes everybody out. So I have to wonder what's gonna happen when, you know, I, if I was to walk into his real life, say at work, cuz men have a nasty habit of com compartmentalizing and maybe it's a good habit.

[00:22:37] MATT: I don't know, but I think it's, I think it'd be tricky. Mm-hmm. , because I think that he's on some level he's again compartmentalized. So he shows me those pieces that I'm comfortable with, but he doesn't show me a lot of the other pieces.

[00:22:53] FAWN: And another thing is there's not enough time, and that's

[00:22:56] MATT: another

[00:22:57] FAWN: interesting issue.

[00:22:58] FAWN: So even if you meet in real life, perhaps you have just enough energy mustard together, you. , is that the word? Muster? Muster? Yes. Not, not mustard. Not

[00:23:10] MATT: mustard muster. .

[00:23:13] FAWN: Not enough ketchup together to get together. Like you, you, you gather enough energy to present a certain thing. Right? Like I don't have the energy for that.

[00:23:23] FAWN: You'll see my peaks and valleys within two minutes probably. Right, right. and if I do keep up a certain front, I'm exhausted. .

[00:23:33] MATT: I'm like, yes. Yes we are. As a matter of fact, yeah. I'm a little daunted by, um, yeah, there's talk about getting together with all my workmates mm-hmm.

[00:23:42] MATT: and trying to figure out what that's even gonna feel like.

[00:23:45] FAWN: I think that's why it's a good idea to have activities. because you're not just there staring at each other and talking. Right. But if you're eating together or you're playing together, yes.

[00:23:57] MATT: And that's just it. There's, there's talk, there's talk about, and

[00:24:00] FAWN: or even going to a show

[00:24:01] MATT: together, right.

[00:24:02] MATT: At a, at a previous job, we would connect on Zoom for happy hour and we play games.

[00:24:08] FAWN: Right. Or like, I'm just thinking, like, just going to the theater. , you know, experiencing something together and then you have something to talk about together. Yes. Then that it, it takes the pressure off, it kind of massages the situation.

[00:24:21] FAWN: So there's not a tense moment. Right. It's like you massage everything out. Right. And

[00:24:28] MATT: you smooth it out. And again, it can be helpful if you say, meet people out in the world. Mm-hmm. like, Hey, let's go check out the winter festival. Right. And then theoretically there's, there's a lot to connect about. And again, I also talk about how one of the things that helped us build friendships are shared experiences

[00:24:45] FAWN: mm-hmm.

[00:24:45] FAWN: And yeah. That's why people have such amazing bonds. Like if it's a hardcore experience that you just so happen to have experienced together, you're forever bonded by that experience, right? Like, it could be a trauma even. Mm-hmm. . I think , that's a great key. For me. It's hard, like, there are so many people that are so into hiking or , I don't know, horseback riding and all this stuff.

[00:25:11] FAWN: I'm like, Um, I don't know what I, I don't, you know, I don't know. I seriously don't know what I would wanna do with someone because, again, because I'm constantly, my energies are always going into so many different directions, right? That I don't know what my thing is. Like, no, thanks. Like my idea of hiking is not this other person's idea of hiking

[00:25:35] FAWN: I'm short . My legs are tiny.

[00:25:38] MATT: Right. Your, your idea of a nice hike would be maybe a little pond walking around, a little pond in, in brilliant sunshine. You know, say, and I wanna sit down one or two o'clock, and then maybe go somewhere

[00:25:50] FAWN: afterwards to, and I want something to eat. I'm like, can I just sit and eat?

[00:25:54] FAWN: Like, do we have to walk because, Because I'm so short. For me, I'm like doing a light jog for someone's normal walk. Right. And I, it's like hard to keep up with people. Mm-hmm. , I get it and know it's stressful. It's like back in the day when I would go bowling with my friends and they would get so mad at me because I would not be a good bowler.

[00:26:18] FAWN: Like they get, they get upset and then it's stressful for everybody. and then I'm angry . Well,

[00:26:26] MATT: that's, that's a

[00:26:27] FAWN: fun day. Do you know what I'm saying though? I do. That doesn't, it's not a good experience for me. Do, so it's hard to say, well, what activity can we do together? And it's stressful to even come up with an activity.

[00:26:38] FAWN: So do you have any suggestions for that? Well,

[00:26:42] MATT: it's about maybe sorting out a slacker sport. I, I worked in an la God, it seems like maybe the last time it wasn't, but it's almost the last time I worked in an office. We would go and play disc golf.

[00:26:53] FAWN: See, do you remember what happened when you took me disc golfing?

[00:26:57] FAWN: I lost your favorite disc golf because it ended up in some tree. Again, stressful for me,

[00:27:04] MATT: right? It, but it's about really judging and for you and understanding and, and you know,

[00:27:09] FAWN: our first date, you guys, our first date Matt took me miniature golfing. Yeah. This is before you knew apparently I was a chewbaca.

[00:27:19] FAWN: Yes. I was so angry. . And he was there. He had a little notebook. Keeping, keeping score,

[00:27:25] MATT: score, score. You're supposed to keep score. That's the

[00:27:27] FAWN: point. I don't like it. , .

[00:27:32] MATT: But again, that's part of learning and, and you. It's a part of connecting and, and, you know, learning how the other person is, you have to clearly communicate and, that's just it.

[00:27:42] MATT: Sometimes you're gonna come up with stuff that works and sometimes

[00:27:46] FAWN: you're not. So I guess my thing is to have people come over and I cook for them, right? So I'm keeping busy and I'm nourishing the people, I'm offering different tastes. So that's my thing. I don't know, maybe I'm not, I'm just not a hiker.

[00:28:04] FAWN: I like to do things by myself when I'm hiking, like, because I go at my own pace. I don't it. It's not a competition. I hate competition. Hiking isn't a competition. It is when you are short Matt .

[00:28:17] MATT: Okay, I'm just gonna be quiet

[00:28:19] FAWN: now. Anyway, let's wrap this up. So what are some pointers? So we to be in real life, it's best to find a common experience, right, like an activity. Mm-hmm. , but it doesn't have to be hiking. And

[00:28:34] MATT: it's very important that both sides are patient and both sides pay attention to how it's going and how the other person is feeling and et cetera.

[00:28:42] FAWN: Mm-hmm. and in real life is quite extraordinary because I.

[00:28:50] FAWN: To, again, going back and noticing the tiniest movement or the tiniest change in a person's voice or their expressions or the way they look, the way their eyes, like something can shift in a split second. . It's such a beautiful way to connect. And when you're present enough to notice that, I think that's what opens up a beautiful friendship

[00:29:15] MATT: Absolutely.

[00:29:15] FAWN: To form. Because when someone notices that you pay attention like that, when you're heard like that, right, it means the world to everyone.

[00:29:27] MATT: Absolutely.

[00:29:27] FAWN: To everyone. I mean, that's how, that's one of the ways I fell in love with Matt because I'm like, whoa, this guy notices things that most people ignore.

[00:29:40] FAWN: He, he pays attention. He's paying attention, he's hearing me. And so that made me open and more receptive to who you were. Like, who are you? Thank you for listening. Thank you for noticing. And then, so that made me more. I wanted to find out more about you because you obviously gave me the great gift of paying attention to me, and it just happened naturally then that I was like, who is this person?

[00:30:14] FAWN: Who is this Matt? And it formed a beautiful friendship, which led to this amazing. Marriage. I'm gonna knock on wood. Hello. Watch us fight right after this nice thing that I just told you. But anyway, so anyway, that's my take on it. You, your take. Uh,

[00:30:31] MATT: I'm in complete agreement. However, I wanna segue us over into another zone, which is, just, it's an important thing to pay attention.

[00:30:40] MATT: And I used to say it was two times and now I don't know, but basical. If you say, if somebody says, Hey, you wanna hang out and do X and you don't wanna do it, absolutely, you should say no, but long, about two or three times, if they ask and you constantly say no, they're gonna stop. That's somebody's attempt to maybe grow the friendship and maybe, take it outside of, let's say maybe the workplace or outside of, you know, wherever it is you've met this person.

[00:31:10] MATT: So it can be really uncomfortable and certainly if you always hear no, how are you gonna feel about it? And so you gotta think about that on the other side of the coin. So if you say no to somebody two or three times, then you better suggest something good or you better say yes to something you're not comfortable with.

[00:31:26] MATT: And that can be fun too, to expand your boundaries unless it's

[00:31:29] FAWN: hiking. Matt, I know you probably have something else to add to this, but can I just say something else about the no thing? Thank you for bringing that up. The no thing, that's another dirty word for me, because No. Well, thing is that Well, I, I'm notorious for saying no.

[00:31:48] FAWN: Like remember when I had to pull out a wisdom to tooth? Yes. And they, they gave me this drug cause I was freaking out. I was scared. And then it made me so mellow. . And then when they called my name to go into surgery, I just said, no . No. And we thought we were funny. It was funny. It was funny. . No, no, . Um, so years ago Oprah started talking about we need to say no, women need to say no.

[00:32:18] FAWN: And I thought, and there are points in time where

[00:32:20] MATT: they absolutely

[00:32:20] FAWN: should. Yes, absolutely. I think there are so many people pleasers out there and you have to. Yes, definitely. I just think that it went overboard because all of a sudden I kept hearing women in a rude way say, you know what, I'm, I'm gonna practice saying no to you.

[00:32:38] FAWN: I'm like, Thanks for practicing. It was just rude. Like I was in Santa Fe and I went to a photography workshop that you pay big money for. Mm-hmm. and this photo editor was, who was one of the teachers, um, We were waiting for the next, , course to open up, right? Mm-hmm. , she was a speaker.

[00:32:58] FAWN: She was there to like, we paid to like have, an interaction with right these people. And so I remember we were standing, waiting for the next thing. We were all just standing waiting. Mm-hmm. in line. And I went to her. I'm like, do you mind taking a look at my book, this project that I finished several months ago?

[00:33:19] FAWN: It's a book. Do you mind just taking a quick look? She looked at me and she, I swear to you, it was like line by line, the same uh, tone that you would hear on Oprah. And she looked at me and she's like, I'm gonna practice saying no to you. So, no. I'm like, wow. Ew. It was so gross. So I think we've gone overboard with the whole no thing that just don't, don't just say no.

[00:33:51] FAWN: It's like saying, I'm busy. Please explain . And I'm not saying that you have to explain why you don't wanna do something. Mm-hmm. . But instead of being lazy about it and just saying, I'm busy because it, it's such a blowoff, like you're blowing the person off. Mm-hmm. and it, it's gotten rude. It's gotten to the point of rude, say, I really need to be alone.

[00:34:17] FAWN: I have no energy to go out, you know, just be honest. Why is it that you're saying no? Just speak honestly and ex like express yourself. There's so many beautiful words out there. Use them. It's like painting. Use all the different colors. Don't just stick with one like standard word.

[00:34:38] MATT: And if the person wants to be your friend, they're gonna hear that.

[00:34:41] MATT: Try and understand it. Mm-hmm. . Respect it. Respect it.

[00:34:46] FAWN: There you go. That's the word. And it's the people that don't respect that then, you know, okay, I don't wanna hang out with this person ever.

That's

[00:34:53] MATT: fine. Right? Or this person is projecting certain things onto you, or

[00:34:56] FAWN: who knows? Oh, people get offended, like rather quickly

[00:35:00] FAWN: So then, you know, and you know, fast, so you know to stay away, from that person. Right. But, uh, yeah, I just, the word no and. If someone invites you to something and you genuinely think you may like this person, and you do have to say no. Yeah. I think we get used to saying it so much now that you, before you know it, you've said it more than three times.

[00:35:24] FAWN: Like, we learned this when we lived in this cute little town, and people were really into having, dinners together. Mm-hmm. like dinner parties, like getting together at a nice table. They really were, everyone was into cooking. It was just a beautiful thing that this community did and they asked us all the time over, and we were from LA and we were used to saying, no.

[00:35:50] FAWN: And that's when we realized, right, Matt? That's when you said, we can't do that more than three times. Right. Because they'll stop asking us. Right. They'll

[00:36:00] MATT: give up. Right, because you're getting the slow No, which is right. Just a terrible term. But it's true.

[00:36:04] FAWN: Yeah. And it's also, it takes a great amount of courage to go to someone and initiate something,

[00:36:13] FAWN: And so when you get turned down, it could be, you could take it personally, it kind of hurts a little bit

[00:36:18] MATT: ing some, a smidge. Yeah. And

[00:36:20] FAWN: if you keep getting that, then the person's like, okay, I'm done. Right. Well,

[00:36:24] MATT: this person obviously doesn't want to hang out with me or do things with me. Yeah.

[00:36:28] FAWN: It takes a certain effort to create an opening.

[00:36:31] FAWN: Right, right. By asking someone would you like to Right. Fill in the plank. . And so, yeah, after a while just please know that it could close the door. Being aware of that is what we've been practicing ever since those days from that cute little town. Right, Matt? True. So I think that's it for me, for now.

[00:36:54] FAWN: Thank you so much, Matt. Matt just waved like he's good, right? Matt? So you're good? I'm good. There's nothing else you wanna say? Nope. Okay. Thank you again so much for listening. We love you. If you could do us a favor, ask other people to listen. Download our episodes, spread the word about what we're trying to do here, which is create a friendlier world through the Art of Friendship.

[00:37:23] FAWN: We're here for you every week we will always be here. Reach out to us, our friendly world podcast.com and that's it. Talk to you in a few days. Be well, bye.

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**Revealing authenticity is one of the major things that keep us from having true friendships and good relationships. This week, we explore the reason for when we expose our feelings, it feels like we create even more problems and we're oftentimes left to be misunderstood. And it just creates more of a situation where you have to talk about it and we don't talk about things. So things are left unsaid. Things are left undone, and if you carry on a friendship, a relationship, over a course of years, it really builds disconnection. The wires of our connections get crossed and become incomprehensible. In this conversation, we include white lies (any kind of lie) and reveal why it is dangerous.

We also turn to nature for signs. The significant sign that was revealed before our podcast was the BLUE JAY! What's the spiritual meaning of Blue Jays? We find that the blue jay is associated with authentic interpersonal and creative self-expression.

What's at stake here? We could be erasing parts of ourselves, over time, chipping away at our authenticity and communication skills, at our confidence, and then everything of importance gets destroyed. But if we can remember that person who judges us (creating a barrier for us to be authentic) even if it's our own self-judgment, our own thoughts, our own mind about ourselves, like “who am I to go and pursue this? I looked terrible today. Oh, I'm too fat. I'm too skinny, I'm too old, I'm too young,” all those judgments; we have to be aware of that and know that that's coming from a place of insecurity. But why do we feel the need to keep going like this?

It's because we don't have enough friendships out there. When we have our crew (even if it's just one person) with us that has our back, we are stronger. The world would be so much better if we could express our thoughts and know that someone was backing us up. If we see an injustice happening and it's just us standing up for something, chances are we may not say anything, because we'll be outnumbered and destroyed in some way. But if there's someone else saying it with us, there's great power in numbers.**

Blue Jay - Authentic Communication TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] FAWN: Hi everyone. .

[00:00:01] MATT: What was that?

[00:00:03] FAWN: My throat made a weird sound, .

[00:00:05] MATT: Fair enough.

[00:00:06] FAWN: It made us sound like the other day I was talking to someone very, very important to me like,

[00:00:13] MATT: like me,

[00:00:14] FAWN: like you sweetheart. But it was my first meeting with them and it was, it was for like a career making move situation. It was my first meeting and I had my mega

[00:00:26] FAWN: professional voiceover mic on while we were on Zoom. So this thing picks up everything and I, I just happened to be sitting in like a lotus position while I was talking. So my stomach was closer and my stomach made the loudest sound. My heat, my stomach, my

[00:00:44] MATT: never makes sense. ,

[00:00:47] FAWN: I was, I didn't know

[00:00:49] FAWN: What do you do when that happens?

[00:00:51] MATT: Exactly. What do you do?

[00:00:52] FAWN: I mean, it went on for a while. Like it was like, Hey,

[00:00:59] MATT: I, you know what? Oh my goodness. Yeah. When I was in, uh, offices with other people mm-hmm. and yeah, my stomach started to make strange noises. I would actually just start to cough

[00:01:13] FAWN: That's like, A long time ago, if I went over to a boyfriend's house, I would turn on the shower when I wanted to pee. But, uh, it's like now that I think about it, I'm like, why would you be taking a shower? Dang. Wait,

[00:01:25] MATT: hold on. Hold on, hold on. Or even worse, what if he thought the sound of the shower was you peeing?

[00:01:30] MATT: Oh my God. Anyway. Wow. This

[00:01:33] FAWN: girl's got a lot going. There's something I've been wanting to talk about for a long time, which is authentic communication, revealing authenticity. I've been wanting to talk about this forever. I. . You know, we always, when we started this podcast, we thought, oh my God, we only have a few things to talk about really.

[00:01:49] FAWN: But it's been three years and we've done an episode or three every single week, and there's still so much to talk about. And I'm looking at this notebook with, I don't know, so many posted notes on it. Right? And those posted. , I mean, thick, thick, thick notebooks.

[00:02:12] MATT: Multiple. And I just gave you a new idea today.

[00:02:14] MATT: Mm-hmm. .

[00:02:15] FAWN: And so these, these posted notes are things that we haven't discussed yet, right. We really need to talk about. And one of them was revealing authenticity. And I think this is one of the major things that keep us from having friendships and good relationships is that, and why is it that when we expose our feelings, it feels like we create even more problems because we're left to be misunderstood.

[00:02:43] FAWN: And it just creates more of a situation where you have to talk about it and we don't talk about things. So things get unsaid, right? Things are left undone, and if you carry on a friendship, a relationship, over a course of years, it really builds. . And one of the things I wanted to talk to you about today is somebody I've been talking about on and off on our show once in a while, and it's one of my old friends who, it's funny because one person, Wendy, totally saw the friendship that I had with this person.

[00:03:25] FAWN: . Why are you friends with them? . Oof. Well, no, she didn't put it like that. She didn't put it like that, but she made me question it like, you're right. I know. I don't know. I don't know because this person has said some messed up stuff to me and why is it that I still so respect and like them?

[00:03:44] FAWN: Why? Anyway, so. I decided once again, like it, it's happened a few times. Like I need, I tell myself I need to take a break. I need to step away from this person. And, and then, then I, another thing I do is I, I take on the full responsibility on myself. Like if she said, oh, your Fawn art photography shit, you know, like, or when you proposed to me, Matt and I told her and she's like, "I just wouldn't take him seriously Fawn" you know, which I know bothers you. , . Um, but she said so many messed up things like that to me. Right. If you seem like you're busy, she's like, okay, bye. And she clicks like she doesn't wait for you to say goodbye as well.

[00:04:33] FAWN: , but one of the things that really bothers me about this friendship is from the very beginning, I kept catching her in lies. And you don't, you know, that's a deal breaker for me, Matt. White lies any kind of lie is dangerous in my opinion. And it's stupid stuff. I'm like, why would you even be lying about that, for example, like I keep thinking about all these things that come up when I think about her.

[00:05:00] FAWN: Like when we were getting married, Matt, when we were getting married and we had our venue, this beautiful place in Malibu, it was amazing. She found out where it was and she was visiting. and then all of a sudden had to go. I'm like, okay. So I walked her to her car. I'm like, like, what's the rush? Where are you going? ? And she lied. Now I knew she lied because the venue had called me to tell me that, to, to say, oh, thanks your friend called. to also look at the venue for her wedding.

[00:05:33] FAWN: And it was her. Now she lied about going there. Why would you do that? Stuff like that. Right. This doesn't make any

[00:05:41] MATT: sense to me. Yep. Exactly. Exactly. Cuz if she had chosen to get married there and she didn't, but had she chosen to get married there, it would've been like, uh, kind of the same place.

[00:05:50] MATT: Uh, when did you look at it?

[00:05:51] FAWN: But who cares?

[00:05:52] MATT: That's ridiculous.

[00:05:53] FAWN: I don't care.

[00:05:54] MATT: And there you go. That's the other thing is it is a little ridiculous,

[00:05:57] FAWN: but like, it's stuff like, a lot.

[00:06:00] MATT: Well, okay. And, and honestly I think it funnel star, it feels a lot like the alpha and beta beta friends. She always kind of,

[00:06:11] FAWN: you always say that.

[00:06:11] MATT: Yeah. Saw you as the beta to her alpha.

[00:06:14] FAWN: Like, I'm lower. You're the than she is.

[00:06:15] MATT: She's the leader of the pack,

[00:06:17] FAWN: which is weird. It's just annoying.

[00:06:20] FAWN: So I take on the responsibility like, oh, well, if I get offended, that's on me. . You know what I mean? That's who she chooses to be. That's fine.

[00:06:28] MATT: She's frog and the scorpion. Yeah, absolutely.

[00:06:31] FAWN: But yeah, I have to remember that she's a scorpion, that she will sting. And I can't be surprised when she's stinging me, because that's her nature, right?

[00:06:39] FAWN: All right. And maybe I'm also being too sensitive. Like over the years, these are all the justifications that I've had for my, for our friendship

there,

[00:06:46] MATT: there has been a good side. I mean, it's, it. . Everybody's had that friend who always tells them about their significant other and they only whine and complain about them.

[00:06:57] MATT: And you're like, oh my God, why are you with them? It's because they don't tell you all the good stuff. Mm-hmm. , there, there is good stuff here

[00:07:03] FAWN: and I always tell you the good stuff about her. However, over the years, I've had to really take a look at it. Mm-hmm. , and I think that bad stuff is outweighing because all the lies and all the mysterious behavior.

[00:07:19] FAWN: Now she's facing that in her partner and she thinks it's one-sided. And I, I'm of the belief. it, it takes two. Right? Right. Like you attract and Right. Let's say if she even, she wasn't even that kind of person, that lies a lot. Mm-hmm. that if you're with that kind of person for all these years, you will end up having that same behavior because you're around them a lot.

[00:07:48] FAWN: So anyway. I'm choosing to step back, we've had some things happen in our little family that requires all of our attention and energy. Right, right. It's heavy, scary stuff.

[00:08:01] FAWN: And I, I texted her and I said, going through some really scary, scary stuff. , she just ignored it. And then, she's like, I'm going through so much, but you know, I understand pain is pain. I felt like she was discounting me. So I in text, told her what was going on and it's some life and death stuff, right.

[00:08:25] FAWN: And all she did was say, I'm so sorry your girls are experiencing pain. And I never heard from her again. I'm like, are you serious? Thanks

[00:08:33] MATT: for the sage advice.

[00:08:34] FAWN: Wow. Wow. Okay. So, I'm, I'm well, but, but

[00:08:39] MATT: you're a feel good

[00:08:39] FAWN: friend for her. I don't know what I am

[00:08:42] MATT: for her. She calls you to

[00:08:43] FAWN: make herself feel better.

[00:08:45] FAWN: What I've realized is she always calls me to use me. This is how I felt. I've never expressed this out loud to you. I feel like she always calls me to use me as a bouncing board for affirmations. Like she'll say all the things that are wonderful in her life, but they're not really true to what she's trying to manifest.

[00:09:07] MATT: So momentum.

[00:09:08] FAWN: So she's trying to tell me, things are wonderful. And then as time goes on, I realize no, it's not like she actually is quite the opposite, but she's just using me as like, you know how you talk, you know how the spiritual people are like, they talk to the universe and they do affirmations.

[00:09:27] FAWN: Mm-hmm. , she's, she's using me as her audience for that, I feel like. There have been so many cases where I know for a fact she's been lying to other people, she hides things.

[00:09:37] FAWN: , anyway. I don't wanna, let's don't wanna, let's, let's, I don't wanna, I'm just using this as an example to talk about why is it that we are not authentic, that we don't communicate.

[00:09:49] FAWN: Why is it that I have not communicated to her everything that I've noticed about her, because I know it will turn into a fight. I'll be turned down. I will lose the friendship because she won't hear it. She won't hear what I have to say.

[00:10:07] MATT: Well, has she ever opened the door and said, wow, I've noticed this about myself, or my partner has said this about me, and just let it hang.

[00:10:18] MATT: And it's something that's obviously bad.

[00:10:21] FAWN: Never

[00:10:22] MATT: See, she hasn't opened that door, so you, it's hard to walk through it now with me and, and some of my friends, like I know the stupid stuff they've done and I know that they've been called on it by their significant other, and you know, I. , I don't further add to it.

[00:10:40] MATT: I don't reign more fire down on them over that one incident. But then when I start to notice them doing the same pattern, I call them out. But he opened the door by telling me first. Mm-hmm. And otherwise you're presuming, or it may be unwelcome and honestly it's a less deep friendship. I describe

[00:11:03] MATT: I met so and so, we came really close to having a real conversation, but we didn't, you know, turns out I had a real conversation this week with someone I've only had one or two conversations with before. This would be, I call him Esquire because he happens to be an attorney. And we had a very real conversation where we talked about missteps we had made and foolish things we had done, and wise things we had done as a result of making foolish mistakes,

[00:11:32] MATT: but we were both vulnerable to each other. So

[00:11:36] FAWN: you were revealing your authenticity.

[00:11:38] MATT: So I opened the door, or he opened the door. I don't know who did it first, but we both opened the door to allow each other to actually see us as normal human beings. And what's so fascinating is, as we were talking, we were in a public place.

[00:11:54] MATT: Somebody came over and they only wanted to talk about a success that they had had. And we had just been talking in a similar vein about areas where we'd screwed up . And he tried to mention, oh yeah, we were just talking about, you know, times we screwed up and this person refused to hear it and only wanted us to celebrate them on their success.

[00:12:16] MATT: Which is a very super, I know what you're talking about. Superficial world. Yeah. And you know what? Absolutely good for. . They, they, something happened. Complete kick butt thing for them. Totally

[00:12:26] FAWN: cool. You talk about this in business, how people do really well in the stock market. Yep. But you only hear them talking about their wins in this.

[00:12:34] MATT: Well, and that's just stock market. Who knows if they're, if they do well in the stock market, but you hear about the winning trade, you hear about the time that they bet on a horse you never talk and they won 10 million, you know, whatever it is, but they

[00:12:46] FAWN: never talk.

[00:12:47] MATT: They never talk about the 40 times they screwed up.

[00:12:50] MATT: You know, um, I've been going through football picks with a buddy of mine and oh my God, I do, I focus on nothing because I talk about everything and it's like, you know, I meant to pick, but I didn't, so it doesn't count. Or this was my lock. I did, I went two for three on my locks.

[00:13:07] MATT: So, you know, we're, we're very honest and open and forthright. And what's interesting is when I talked to this other gentleman, Mr. Es. I was only going through the things I'd done stupidly. It was really bizarre.

[00:13:20] FAWN: So this is the thing, the authentic communication, the revealing authenticity. I feel like

[00:13:27] FAWN: there's not enough time. I present to you exactly what I am. Right, and I feel like, I think, I think I need to do that more so like in a case like this friend that I just described to you guys about, perhaps I should constantly say I refuse to be around lies. Even the little ones that you think are little are huge to me.

[00:13:48] FAWN: You know, maybe I should say that more and more and more. and really reveal that about myself and maybe I should reveal more of my powers and I don't. Do you know what I'm saying?

[00:14:00] MATT: Yes.

[00:14:00] FAWN: I'm always very much like, um, I don't know in my culture, like if I make you a meal, I'm deprecating of myself, even though I know the meal is beautiful.

[00:14:10] FAWN: Right. I, I refuse to like, maybe take compliments, so I act inferior and so I shouldn't get mad when people think I'm beneath them, but I feel offended when they do . So maybe that's my problem. Like on, on me. I have to reveal more of my authenticity, which is the good stuff. Do you know what I'm saying?

[00:14:31] FAWN: I do. I reveal my authenticity in my foibles, like we've said before, right? But I think. , I have to come across as more powerful and more confident. Which leads us to the topic that we're talking about today. So you were like, you know, we're going through the notebook. I'm like, oh my God, there was really so much to talk about.

[00:14:52] FAWN: What are we gonna talk about today, ? I sat down at my desk and I'm like, I think we should talk about revealing authenticity, like authentic communication. What do you think? And then you got distracted and you're like, oh my God, there are all these blue Jays outside right outside our door,

[00:15:08] MATT: like five.

[00:15:09] FAWN: That was crazy, right? And then one of them started knocking like it was a knock at the door. It was wild.

[00:15:15] MATT: It was.

[00:15:16] FAWN: They were definitely saying something. So, I was at my desk, I started to Google, what does it mean when a bunch of Blue Jays show up ? What's the spiritual meaning of Blue Jays?

[00:15:27] FAWN: And I came across this article and let me tell you, it was great. It actually like . I hope to be friends with this person. So the article is from mindbody green.com. It's written by Sarah Regan, she's a spirituality and relationship writer. And she wrote this article called What it Really Means If You Keep Seeing Blue Jays and What to Do about It.

[00:15:53] FAWN: She interviewed this woman who, is an animal spiritualist Jordana van. Now Matt knows, I'm obsessed with books like I, I want books all the time. Like I always wanna buy books. So do you, I mean you're, but you have a fine collection of like literature.

[00:16:13] MATT: I'm like, fine right now on I'm, matter of fact, I'm thinking I need to pair down a little bit,

[00:16:18] FAWN: but like I have been always intrigued by signs in nature, even though I'm terrified of nature, like terrified . When I first met Matt, when we were first married, actually not when we first met, but when we were married, and we moved to this island, in the middle of the night

[00:16:40] FAWN: you said, let's go for a hike. I'm like, are you insane, man, if we do, we're gonna have to pack lots of heat, like take some guns with us. , because I was scared, like I'd much prefer to go in like a city neighborhood. And take a walk like I would, I, because I, that's more my realm and you're more like nature, like how people would be terrified of going to some unknown neighborhood in a major city in the middle of the night.

[00:17:15] FAWN: I felt more comfortable doing that than taking a walk in the forest in the middle of the night. So, Why am I saying this? Oh, so even though I'm terrified of nature, I've always thought there are signs out there. So I got this book recently on how to read water, how to read the wind, how to read the clouds, and what they're all telling you, like specifically like what's happening.

[00:17:39] FAWN: And um, but anyway, on the other spectrum, I like to always look at the spiritual meanings of things. Like what does it mean when you see Blue Jays? So as I was reading this, About why Blue Jays show up in your life. And I'm not talking about like, oh, you just see a blue jay. When you see a blue jay, and you have a profound feeling about it.

[00:18:01] FAWN: Like you feel like, whoa, something's happening. Like when there's a bunch of them and then one of them is knocking at your door and you're like, whoa, something is happening, right? Someone's trying to tell me something. And I was, as I was reading this, . And as I was thinking of this friend that I'm talking about, I remembered a long time ago, back in the day when I was single. I went to visit her and I decided to go on her balcony just for a few minutes to close my eyes and, think, and Matt, when I did that, like I I, I was doing a little prayer like in meditation.

[00:18:43] FAWN: I'm not kidding you Matt, it felt like all the blue Jays from the neighborhood showed up screaming. You know how loud Blue Jays are?

[00:18:51] MATT: Oh yeah. Very shrill.

[00:18:53] FAWN: And they were all around my head. It was not my imagination because she came out this friend of. She's like, what's happening? And she was, I looked at her, I'm like, do you see this?

[00:19:03] FAWN: Like, , what is happening? Is this normal? Like, is this on your balcony all the time? She's like, never. I'm like, huh. So anyway, so the blue Jay thing is legit, I think the sign that we should follow today and discuss. So going back to this article

[00:19:22] FAWN: Here's what they say about the blue Jay. When the blue Jay shows up, the sign is about authentic interpersonal and creative self-expression. When we are not being honest in our communications, because we're afraid if we speak the truth that we wouldn't get what we want or need. that we would lose what's important to us in our lives.

[00:19:47] FAWN: I mean, think about it at work, how many times are, do we have to be au inauthentic throughout the day because we may lose what's vital to us, right? We have to be inauthentic with people around us because God forbid they get triggered, not because it's our fault, but like we have to be careful. I can't be authentic.

[00:20:13] FAWN: I feel like I can be right now where we live, but for most of my life I couldn't be authentic because I had to constantly think how it would affect people around me that are not comfortable with my color, right, that are not comfortable with me as a woman that are not comfortable with me as a woman from the Middle East.

[00:20:36] FAWN: Do you know what I mean? Or Absolutely. Whatever religion they think I am. Absolutely. So I can't be my authentic self. Even my voice would change. Like I wouldn't, I would try not to be loud. Would they consider loud, you know what I'm saying? Right. So I had to like mute everything down, turn down the volume in all aspects and not be myself.

[00:20:59] FAWN: . So some other meanings, the blue Jay is offering, again, this is from Sarah's article and she interviewed the woman, Jordana Van, who is an animal spiritualist. The other meaning for the blue Jay is acting with confidence. It has another meaning, which is loyalty and partnership.

[00:21:18] FAWN: Did you know that Blue Jay's mate for life, and not only do they mate for life, but they hang out together year-round. Isn't that interesting?

[00:21:27] MATT: It is.

[00:21:28] FAWN: And they have this strong family bond they have loyalty and a sense of protectiveness. And so when you look at Blue Jay's, they seem very harsh and aggressive.

[00:21:40] FAWN: They're protective, they're loyal and protective. The other meaning that came up was judgment. the article said, blue Jay's can also represent being judged by yourself or others. They can also mean we're receiving unfair judgment from others. Are we triggering someone else's ego?

[00:22:00] FAWN: A Blue Jay's message could be telling us. We can never be wrong when we're simply living our truth, even if it bothers or threatens others, I just, um, I don't know. Don't you find that interesting?

[00:22:13] MATT: I do. Yeah. It is interesting. I think Blue Jays, in particular between Blue Jays and like a cardinal, which is red; these are colors that don't really appear a lot in nature.

[00:22:24] MATT: I know the sky is blue, but, you know, they can't camouflage, they can't hide inside of a tree and the cardinal most of the year can't do it either. So I kind of understand why they would have to be loyal and protective and, you know, certainly noticeable, but, . I do find it interesting.

[00:22:44] FAWN: And going back to what I was saying at the beginning, you're talking to a friend and

[00:22:50] FAWN: this is something I learned. When I was in my early twenties, I had no qualms about completely being authentic and I think that that's when I started to hear and see the lessons of why it's not okay to be authentic. Right. Like I remember I dressed up and now this is totally cool to do nowadays, but I had an interview to work on a movie set.

[00:23:15] FAWN: A friend was setting it up for me. Mm-hmm. and I totally dressed up as me Fawn, like I looked ethnic. Okay. Right. And my friend who was setting this up, and it was a movie with Danny Devito. She looked at me and she scolded me and like how her mother scolded her and she said, you are not actually gonna wear that, are you?

[00:23:40] FAWN: You're not gonna go in looking like that. Wow. Oh my God. I wasn't going in for an accounting position. And so we, you know what? One of our friends is an accountant and every day her hair is a different color and she's an amazing accountant. It's like, first of all, this is a creative job. , but I mean, anyway, so when things like that happen and you feel like, what's at stake here?

[00:24:07] FAWN: Do I really need to erase parts of myself to make it happen out there in the world? Do you know what I mean? Yes. Lessons like that over time, chip away at your authenticity, at your communication skills, at your confide, everything gets destroyed, right? But if we can remember everything, that person who, who judges you like that, even if it's yourself having if, if you're having thoughts like that within your own mind about yourself, like, who am I to go and pursue this?

[00:24:45] FAWN: Oh, I looked terrible today. Oh, I'm too fat. I'm too skinny, I'm too old, I'm too young. All those judgments. We have to be aware of that and know that that's coming from a place of insecurity. Perhaps that so-called friend that said that to me before I went in for this interview and I ended up not going by the way.

[00:25:05] FAWN: She was incredibly insecure and maybe she looked at me like, how dare you be yourself? Like, I, I think I was a threat. because she knew my talent. She knew I had a lot to offer for that movie. Mm-hmm. . But you know, she said what she said and she got her way. But why do we feel the need to keep going like this?

[00:25:25] FAWN: It's because we don't have enough friendships out there. If you have your crew with you that have your back.

[00:25:32] FAWN: I always say this, Matt, the world would be so much better if you could express your thoughts and know that someone was backing you up. If you see an injustice happening and it's just you saying something, chances are you may not see it say it right, because you know you'll, you'll be outnumbered and destroyed in some way.

[00:25:55] FAWN: but if there's someone else saying it with you, there's great power in numbers. Correct. Even if it's just one person with you.

[00:26:02] MATT: Very much

[00:26:04] FAWN: so. I think it's the lack of friendships that is causing this inauthenticity. And you see it everywhere. You see it with our relationships. You see it in business in food...

[00:26:17] FAWN: Oh my God. I just revisited a documentary that was done in 2008 about food, "Food, Inc."

[00:26:27] MATT: and we see it in, you're gonna love this. Here's a weird one, plucked from Nowhere. We see it in movies. Yeah. Because what we're seeing nowadays is we're seeing the gee, let's, let's take a look at, um, um, oh God, I forget his name.

[00:26:43] MATT: The. Warrior with many faces, the hero with many faces, which was the classic story that Lucas like ripped and turned into Star Wars. But now we're literally seeing the Star Wars franchise coming out with new product every 30 seconds, the Marvel franchise coming out with new product every, every 30 seconds.

[00:27:02] MATT: And to tie it back to why is it so hard to be authentic, it can be really hard to change that. There's a predictable model that says, gee, Black Panther II should make X amount of money. And you know, a new X-Men movie will make y amount of money and a new Star Wars movie will make Z amount of money.

[00:27:20] MATT: And that's very predictable. Versus if somebody wants to create something brand spankin' new it might make zero or it might make a trillion dollars or somewhere in between and nobody knows. And there's that. It's the unpredictable unpredictability that I think freaks out the accountants, which helps to form this whole uniformity across the spectrum as far as even our entertainment choices.

[00:27:46] MATT: Mm-hmm. . So

[00:27:47] FAWN: it comes down to so many things we talk about all the time, Matt. people who are down to clown with us. Yes. You know, like how it's a term you made up. Right. It's, it's yours. Right. I did not make that one up. You, oh man. , every time I think you have,

[00:28:03] MATT: Mario actually was the first person I heard say it, and I, I thought maybe he made it up, but I don't think so.

[00:28:08] MATT: Cause I've heard at other places too.

[00:28:10] FAWN: Well, like you have to let your freak flag fly and be confident. And it comes back to confidence, which is another thing that the Blue Jay teaches. Right.

[00:28:17] MATT: And again, Inner Popeye.

[00:28:19] FAWN: exactly. Own who you are are,

[00:28:21] MATT: you. Know who you are, know who. Own who you are. And I've been thinking about higher level Inner Popeye.

[00:28:28] MATT: There's a difference between owning who you are and showing the world who you are. And that is next level inner Popeye,

[00:28:38] FAWN: So are we ready to close off with some final thoughts? Oh dear. Or do you have to say something else? I do

[00:28:43] MATT: not

[00:28:44] FAWN: have to say anything else. Okay. So words of advice

[00:28:47] FAWN: if you are feeling judged by others or even when you are judging yourself, release your inner critic. Release your inner critic.

[00:29:01] FAWN: Disregard the judgment of others. Here's a quote from Jordana Van: " If your mindset isn't speaking to you with patience, affirmation, and love, this is absolutely at the top of the list of things that the blue Jay wants you to work on .If you're being judged by others. Here's another quote from Jordana Van. "If the critics are in the minority and you truly love what you're doing, there's no need to give their judgements any weight.

[00:29:35] FAWN: There are always going to be at least a few critics everywhere we go. The universe has designed you to be who you are, and the world needs you to be that person, not who you think you need to be to please others.

[00:29:51] FAWN: And the final message from the blue jay. And our friends, Sarah Regan and Jordana Van, blue Jays encourage us to be confident and strong. If you feel like you need help in this department, study, people you respect, who have respect, who have the respect of others, and use the tools that they're using.

[00:30:17] FAWN: So in a way, start imitating authentically like ex, you know, imitating it, imitating the behaviors, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. or OR ways. Right. But doing it from who you are, combining it with who you are, that will help you. That's it.

[00:30:35] MATT: Sounds good.

[00:30:36] FAWN: All right.

[00:30:37] FAWN: Love you guys. Thank you for listening

[00:30:39] MATT: very much.

[00:30:40] FAWN: Talk to you in a few days.

[00:30:41] MATT: Be

[00:30:42] MATT: well.

View Details

What is Hypergrowth Mode in Friendship? What happens if someone's not growing and you've grown or you are not growing and the other person has grown; if you have an open mind about it, you can still connect and be together. But that's where you can't be so locked into certain belief systems. So if, let's say you've grown so much and you come back. . I'm like, what happened? And you tell me your experience, then if I'm totally open to also acquiring that growth at that precise moment because of your growth, if I'm totally openhearted about it, I think that that's what keeps a true friendship going.

Have you noticed it's gotten easier or harder as time goes by to actually keep in touch with these people who are on either side of it? In this episode, we discuss what happens when people you know who are going through hypergrowth, or if you're going through hypergrowth, these people who are not, can lead to a breakup; which may lead us back to another topic from last week (we did talk about), which was social comparison theory, where somebody's leaving your peer group.

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

Hypergrowth Mode TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] FAWN: Hi everybody. Welcome back. We have no idea what we're gonna talk about. Oh, we don't do we? Aww. What is going on? Hi everybody. Hope you're well. Love you. Thanks for listening. Thanks for tuning in. What's going on Matt?

[00:00:15] MATT: What's on your mind? Okay, here we go. So, back in college I noticed a phenomenon, phenomenon,

[00:00:23] MATT: Anyways, uh, it was the most fascinating thing. There would be a girl, woman just starting college. She left her boyfriend back at home, wherever home was, and like clockwork, you could watch this happen. And I watched this happen six or seven times, actually over the course of my four years at university.

[00:00:45] MATT: You know, they would tell you how in love they were and how they'd been together for however long it was. In some case it was years and then Thanksgiving, they'd have an argument and it would end on a bad note. Christmas, they'd break up like clockwork. Why do you think that is? And it was literally like clockwork.

[00:01:09] MATT: It wasn't.

[00:01:11] FAWN: Well, I have found that when you start a fight or you start an argument or you get into an argument, I think it's one's way of ending the relationship when you know it's come to its close,

[00:01:24] MATT: but why has it come

[00:01:25] MATT: to its close?

[00:01:26] FAWN: You can just feel it. I don't know. You've grown, you've grown.

[00:01:29] MATT: It was literally like clockwork and it was literally a hundred percent of the women poled.

[00:01:36] FAWN: poled, like you poled them.

[00:01:37] MATT: Well, like they

[00:01:38] MATT: would tell me how they had a boyfriend at home and they were all in love with them and, and I would just watch this transpire. I wouldn't say anything.

[00:01:45] MATT: Well, you're at

[00:01:46] FAWN: university, so you're, your windows are Thanksgiving and Christmas because those are the times that you are kicked out of university and forced to go back home, right back to where you came from.

[00:01:57] MATT: Okay.

[00:01:58] FAWN: So those are the windows of opportunity to connect and reconnect. And those are the times where you would have to do your business.

[00:02:07] MATT: Absolutely.

[00:02:07] FAWN: If that business is breaking up, that's when you do it.

[00:02:10] MATT: But why break up? You're all in love with them. Like literally we would start school September, so September to October.

[00:02:16] MATT: Okay. Thanksgiving, American Thanksgiving is in, is in, uh, November. All right. So September to November.

[00:02:22] FAWN: Okay. So I was in a relationship mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . And it was not good at all, right? It was very, very, very bad. Mm. As I'm saying this, the sirens are outside Dope . It was bad. And I had a friend who was like, why, Fawn, are you in this thing?

[00:02:42] FAWN: Right? I said, because I love him.

[00:02:45] MATT: That's always the reason isn't.

[00:02:46] FAWN: And then there was a movie about Tina Turner, "What's Love Got To Do With It?" And he quoted that movie to me. He's like, Fawn, what does love got to do with it. Love has nothing to do with it. That's why.

[00:02:59] MATT: Right. And, and I hear you and I, I absolutely, yes.

[00:03:02] MATT: In the case where love has run its course or there's an abusive relationship, having that opportunity going to university, stepping out of that relationship for X number of months, absolutely. But this was a hundred percent a cases. This wasn't

[00:03:19] FAWN: statistical. I don't understand your question. My, my thing is, my answer is I'm probably misunderstanding you.

[00:03:26] FAWN: You can still love each other, but you are walking different paths. Now, it doesn't mean you're in an abusive relationship,

[00:03:34] MATT: and that is wholly different right there.

[00:03:36] FAWN: What I'm saying is love has nothing to do with it. You can still love the person, but if you're walking in different directions, that's what it is and you know that and it happens.

[00:03:46] FAWN: People grow. People grow differently and they, they grow at a different pace,

[00:03:50] MATT: different times and Exactly. Ex see, steal my thunder woman.

[00:03:54] FAWN: Did I steal your thunder?

[00:03:55] MATT: You did. Oh, I used to call it hyper growth. I would say that in this case, the girl was in hyper growth mode. You go to university, you're in a new town.

[00:04:04] MATT: You are studying new things. You're meeting new people, you're having new experiences. Meanwhile, this person, this boyfriend, you've left at home is not experiencing the same level of growth they may be experiencing growth, yes, but it's not this kind of hyper growth that you encounter when you go to Uni.

[00:04:26] FAWN: And then there's this phenomenon, what is the word? Phenomena or phenomenon? What is the word exactly? I

[00:04:32] MATT: think, I think phenomena is kind of the plural of phenomenon is the singular, but I think we have to look, tend to be used interchangeably. So

[00:04:41] FAWN: I don't know. I don't even know how to spell it. So what I'm saying is, what was I saying?

[00:04:45] FAWN: What am I thinking? What I'm saying is that, what was I thinking?

[00:04:49] FAWN: I think that if it's true love, even with true love, you may still have instances where you have to have separation until the timing is correct. Mm-hmm. that particular situation or people,

[00:05:08] FAWN: but like, If someone's not growing and you've grown or you are not growing and the other person has grown, if you have an open mind about it, you can still connect and be together. But that's where you can't be so locked into certain belief systems. So if, let's say you've grown so much and you come back. . I'm like, what happened?

[00:05:36] FAWN: And you're, you tell me your experience. Mm-hmm. , then if I'm totally open to also acquiring that growth at that precise moment because of your growth. If I'm totally openhearted about it. Mm-hmm. , I think that that's what keeps a true friendship going or relationship. Either way, it's the same thing.

[00:05:57] FAWN: Relationship, friendship. Right. Romantic.

[00:06:01] MATT: Platonic, this is, this is definitely one of those areas that those tend to blur.

[00:06:05] FAWN: Absolutely. Well, I mean, like, let's say someone, let's say I only bake chocolate chip cookies a certain way, and it's a certain flavor with like, I don't know, maybe it's that, vanilla tasting chocolate chip cookie, right?

[00:06:21] FAWN: And then my best friend comes back from some other country and says, oh look, this is now how I'm doing the chocolate chip cookie. I'm putting in rosemary and garlic into it. Ooh. You can say, Ooh and separate, or you can say, whoa, let me try that . Right. You know

[00:06:41] MATT: what I'm saying? Absolutely. Absolutely. And, and it's a difficult thing to figure out how to communicate this.

[00:06:49] MATT: Um, Really gauging the person's receptivity because in point of fact, the couple of times that I really started thinking about this particular subject, I would ask the girl, um, well, why'd you guys have a fight during Thanksgiving? And invariably she would say something like, it just seems like he's just stuck in doing the things.

[00:07:13] MATT: You know, we, it was like we just did the things we used to do, but it didn't feel.

[00:07:18] MATT: The same.

[00:07:18] FAWN: And it happens, I think because they've had perspective, they've had time away, they've seen other things. So you have a different point of view. So when you come back to where you were, you're like, I don't like this view anymore.

[00:07:32] FAWN: This view doesn't suit me anymore. Looking at life at this perspective. Right. And And if the other person doesn't wanna have another point of view mm-hmm. , then there's a problem. Well, but there's no problem if they do or if they're open to it. Who? Okay. What

[00:07:48] MATT: can't get a word in edgewise. Also at

[00:07:51] MATT: 18, 19, you are not, I don't think that the, the women involved in my, uh, unscientific study, uh, had the vocabulary with which to express that kind of stuff.

[00:08:04] FAWN: What stuff? Well, like, you know, maybe we should do such and such, or, you know, well, I don't think these are the things I've experienced. Well, yeah, no, it's

[00:08:12] FAWN: not your job. You said communicate and it's, no, it's not about communication. I, I just think it's about, it's

[00:08:18] MATT: about communicating and sharing those, those

[00:08:20] FAWN: things.

[00:08:20] FAWN: Well, no, it's about feeling open, having an open outlook. It's not about communicating, it's about being open to.

[00:08:27] MATT: Yes, but I honestly think the majority of times the guys probably would've been open to it, but it didn't transpire because it wasn't brought forth by the other party. Well, Yeah, because they go through, you go through so many changes, it's hard to articulate them all.

[00:08:44] MATT: So what? The

[00:08:44] FAWN: question is,

[00:08:46] MATT: what do 19, you don't have the vocabulary to articulate

[00:08:49] FAWN: them all. You know what, it's not about that age. It's about most people don't have the vocabulary to do anything. We just had an argument today about that used certain words. I'm like, might you can't use those words. You know, like it sounded terrible.

[00:09:02] FAWN: He's like, well, what do you want me to do? I'm like, well, you should use this other word instead. It would've changed the whole feeling of what you said. You said, why did you sit on my couch, , or something like that. I'm like, instead of my should have been our couch. What do you mean your couch? You know what I'm saying?

[00:09:23] FAWN: It's our couch. Whatever. So why did you

[00:09:26] MATT: sit on our couch? That doesn't sound, and, and, and I don't wanna get back into this though, cause I'm gonna get in

[00:09:32] FAWN: trouble. I'm just saying one word can change everything. So now I forgot what we were talking about. .

[00:09:39] MATT: It's, it's hard to articulate when you go through a period of hyper growth, it's hard to articulate.

[00:09:43] MATT: Yeah. All the things

[00:09:44] FAWN: that you're growing. I wouldn't put it on an age group. I would say as a human being, it's hard to articulate.

[00:09:49] MATT: Yes. But as you grow older and more experienced, it's easier.

[00:09:54] FAWN: I disagree.

[00:09:55] MATT: To articulate the changes you go through. Oh

[00:09:58] FAWN: my God, Matt, I so disagree.

[00:09:59] MATT: I said, I said I didn't

[00:10:00] FAWN: say easy.

[00:10:01] FAWN: I said easy. I don't know. I've been thinking about this a lot lately in that I feel like as, as we grow older, we have more responsibilities. There's so much that is asking for attention that it's harder to communicate as we get older because there's literally so much to think about that when something comes up, you don't have the capacity to discuss that one thing because as you're experiencing this one thing, 10 other things are happening at the same time and you're exhausted.

[00:10:36] FAWN: So I think. Uh, communication at all times is difficult. You could say, oh, well, we don't have the vocabulary for it because this age group doesn't have the vocabulary. You could say, this age group doesn't have the experience, and therefore they don't have the vocabulary because they don't have the experience.

[00:10:55] FAWN: But you can also say, because there's so much experience happening, you don't have the capacity, right? So there's always

[00:11:01] MATT: something going on. You could say that. Having now gone through multiple moves , I am more able to keep in touch and keep connected to people from previous destinations because I've learned good ways of trying to make that stuff happen and trying to keep those relationships together.

[00:11:21] MATT: I have a better vocabulary, I have a better understanding, and I understand a different pace and tempo for the whole thing.

[00:11:26] FAWN: You've had some repetition.

[00:11:28] MATT: I've had repetition. You've had practice. I've gained through experience from practice. Yes. And again, welcome to the world of not experienced, haven't been through it, so agree to disagree.

[00:11:42] MATT: So anyways, but my, my, here's, here's, here's my other thing is, and another thing, I wonder how prevalent it is now because communication is so much more kind of permeating our existence. And so it's easier to stay in much more constant contact with people. ,

[00:11:59] FAWN: but because there's so much, it's just as hard. Well, because there are a lot more people to, uh, to remain in contact with.

[00:12:07] FAWN: That

[00:12:08] MATT: is true. But if this is your sweet Babu

[00:12:13] MATT: to quote, uh, Sally from Peanuts, I don't know, Matt. I know it's a,

[00:12:20] FAWN: it's a sticky, tricky, honestly, life is an ever flowing mix of everything, so I don't know. I know. Me neither. Who I don't even know anymore. Well, ,

[00:12:31] MATT: shall we post it as an open question to our, our listeners?

[00:12:35] FAWN: What's the question again?

[00:12:37] MATT: First of all, have you ever seen this phenomena that I'm describing?

[00:12:40] MATT: And secondly, you know, have you noticed it's gotten easier or harder as time goes by to actually keep in touch with these people who are e E either side of it, these people who you know who are going through hyper growth, or these people, or if you're going through hyper growth, these people who are not which, that may lead us back to another topic we did talk about, which was social comparison theory.

[00:13:03] MATT: Somebody leaving your peer group.

[00:13:06] FAWN: I can barely keep up with myself sometimes, Matt, as what was happening lately? I don't even know. I don't even know. I don't know. All right. What do you think? I don't know. Do you know?

[00:13:20] MATT: I think I want try those chocolate chip cookies with the, uh, with the

[00:13:23] FAWN: rosemary and garlic? Yes. No, Rosemary.

[00:13:25] MATT: Oh, it's rosemary.

[00:13:26] MATT: Yeah, absolutely.

[00:13:28] FAWN: Like something totally different. Yes. You know what I'm saying? Okay, let's try it. All right. Good for you. Good for you. Trying new things, . All right. We'll talk to you in a few days, okay? Okay. Bye guys. See you soon.

View Details

Matt explores the findings of Leon Festinger who was trying to figure out how people like to arrange themselves into groups, peer groups, social groups, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And so he started really trying to get an understanding of what that means.

It's hard to measure yourself against other people in your peer group because peer groups are now infinitely huge and you make certain assumptions about who is and isn't in your peer group. People used to watch the Kardashians. How in the world can we relate to these people even though we live vastly different lives? What are the consequences of comparing ourselves to others?

George Bush buys socks from Walmart and that look at how he's one of us makes him relatable. It was such an opportunistic, and it depends on which side of the political spectrum you live on, and how you react to that. But that was publicity. It was great publicity. Exactly. But that makes him relatable. And so what we're seeing in this day and age of the influencer, et cetera, et cetera, these people want to be relatable to the maximum number of people possible. And so they can afford and can curate the experience of seeing them, of, quote-unquote being with them in a very relatable way. And so you start to, we can't help it. It's kind of like we're wired to compare ourselves to these people and you can't compare yourselves to them. But we do, but we can't help it. And so this is why sometimes we get excited when we view one of these like pop celebrities as being bad. But that makes us quote-unquote "feel better about ourselves" because we can't help but compare ourselves to others in our peer groups. And also, and this is a really messed up part, is, once we've decided who's in our peer group, we will literally go out of our way to keep them in our peer group to keep them down.

The Social Comparison Theory

[00:00:00] FAWN: Welcome back everybody. Hello. Hello. How are you?

[00:00:04] MATT: Hello everyone.

[00:00:05] FAWN: What are you up to? Hello Martin. Hello, Wendy. Hello, everyone. Everybody, everybody. Everybody around the world. Hello, France. Hello around the world. Matt, you've been looking into something. I have

[00:00:23] MATT: Right. It's the darnest thing. You go shooting down a rabbit hole, somebody puts three words together and all of a sudden,

[00:00:28] FAWN: bam. How did it happen? How did you come across this thing?

[00:00:31] FAWN: I

[00:00:31] MATT: don't even, I don't even know

[00:00:32] FAWN: you guys. Matt has been talking about this social, what, how do you call it again?

[00:00:36] FAWN: Social comparison.

[00:00:37] MATT: Social comparison theory,

[00:00:38] FAWN: social comparison theory for weeks now, and he's been wanting to talk to you all about it. And so finally here we are . What's going on? What is it?

[00:00:50] MATT: gotta love. Psychiatrists, psychologists, sociologists, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Particularly back in the fifties, it's almost like they had nothing better to do.

[00:00:59] MATT: And so they took all these poor people and they did all sorts of terrible, amazing poor people experiments. Stanford Prince Prison experience. That experiment. Ooh, scary. But I don't wanna talk about that one. That's just wrong.

[00:01:12] FAWN: What do you mean by poor people?

[00:01:14] FAWN: Um, like, well, they would, financially poor people.

[00:01:16] MATT: No, not financially poor, but

[00:01:18] FAWN: like they took advantage of people.

[00:01:19] MATT: You walk into a, an experiment and you have no idea what they're gonna do to you.

[00:01:25] FAWN: Why did people agree to do all this stuff? Like we hear about this all the time. They got paid. They got paid well, I'm sure the white people got paid. I'm sure other less fortunate people had no idea what was happening to them.

[00:01:38] FAWN: Like you always hear about crazy experiments done on people. That is

[00:01:42] MATT: true, and this is crazy from a psychological perspective, it's not crazy as far as like running electro shocks or any of the rest of that through them.

[00:01:49] FAWN: Okay, so what is it?

[00:01:50] MATT: Okay, so back in the fifties, crazy God, there's this guy, Festinger.

[00:01:56] MATT: I think he was somewhere in the middle of the Midwest, but he was trying to figure out how people like to arrange themselves into groups, peer groups, social groups, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And so he started really trying to get an understanding of what that means and. You know, it's something we do now, but I think we do it now on a global scale.

[00:02:17] MATT: There is no kind of regional or citywide; it's hard to measure yourself against other people in your peer group because peer groups are now infinitely huge and you make certain assumptions about who is and isn't in your peer group.

[00:02:32] FAWN: Well, do people, do we even have peer groups anymore? Because it feels like.

[00:02:37] FAWN: We don't really have that community anymore. So it's more like you're seeing people on TV and you're seeing people that are famous out there. And we try to relate to all these people that are unrelatable. You know, like people used to watch the Kardashians. Right. You know, and what, how, how in the world can you relate to these people and they're

[00:03:00] FAWN: unrelatable.

[00:03:01] MATT: Well, and that's the weird part is, they try as hard as they can to be relatable. It was like when Bush was running for president, I was just, you know, just a little, little boy at this point. But when he was running for president, they made a big deal about the owner of the Houston Astros. Texans, I don't know, baseball team.

[00:03:25] MATT: God help me gonna get crucified for that. Anyways, they made a huge deal about him going to Walmart to buy socks.

[00:03:32] FAWN: I

[00:03:32] FAWN: remember that like, oh, look at how he's just like one of us. Cuz he buys his socks from Walmart, right?

[00:03:39] MATT: He took those socks and threw 'em away 30 seconds after he left that, I mean, I mean, come on.

[00:03:44] FAWN: Yeah.

[00:03:45] MATT: You know, he probably had custom hand knitted socks from Virgin wool from blah blah blah,

[00:03:51] FAWN: and it was like, it was all over the news. Like, Ooh, George Bush buys socks from Walmart and that look at how he's one of us

[00:03:59] MATT: and that

[00:03:59] MATT: makes him relatable. ,

[00:04:00] FAWN: but it was such an opportunistic, like,

[00:04:03] MATT: it depends on which side of political spectrum you live on, how you react to

[00:04:07] MATT: that.

[00:04:08] FAWN: But that was

[00:04:09] MATT: publicity, that

[00:04:10] MATT: was pure.

[00:04:10] MATT: It was great publicity. Exactly. But that makes him relatable. And so what we're seeing in this day and age of the influencer, et cetera, et cetera, these people want to be relatable to the maximum number of people possible. And so they can afford and can curate the experience of seeing them, of, quote unquote being with them in a very relatable way.

[00:04:35] MATT: And so you start to, we can't help it. It's kind of like we're wired to compare ourselves to these people and you can't compare yourselves to them. But we do, but we can't help it. But, but, but, but, and so this is why sometimes we get excited when, we view one of these like pop celebrities as being bad.

[00:04:58] MATT: Like what, um, Elon Musk is currently going through over Twitter. He's getting raked over the coals. And from a subjective point of view, it's, it's a little daunting and uncomfortable.

[00:05:11] FAWN: Oh my God. I so wanna say something right

[00:05:13] MATT: now. But that makes us quote unquote "feel better about ourselves" because we can't help but compare ourselves to others in our peer groups.

[00:05:21] MATT: And this is one of the things he determined. And also, and this is a really messed up part, is, once we've decided who's in our peer group, we will literally go out of our way to keep them in our peer group to keep them down.

[00:05:35] FAWN: What do you mean by

[00:05:36] MATT: that? Well, Again, welcome to the world of experimentation. So he formed these, he figured out how to pair people. He figured out how to build these peer groups and he would have people inside of them that generally share the same opinions, similar abilities, cuz this is also how we differentiate ourselves.

[00:05:54] MATT: And he would manipulate the environment in such a way that you would make the decision as to whether or not to keep down somebody in your peer group. Most people voted to keep, most people took steps to keep them down. How messed up

[00:06:11] FAWN: is that? Wait, I, you always lose me here? Mm-hmm. and I don't know why.

[00:06:15] FAWN: Can you re-explain that again?

[00:06:19] MATT: Yeah. Yeah. And this was one of the more kind of uncomfortable, like factoids. He kind of, he dug out of this, so he, he created these groups. And these groups were generally, concerned with people of similar socioeconomical, similar socioeconomic, um, folks, similar opinions, similar abilities even.

[00:06:44] MATT: And he constructed an experiment where one person in the group could perhaps be seen as being no longer belonging or moving out, out and up upwardly mobile out of this social group. But you and or you and someone else could choose to block that. And I don't remember exactly what the crux of the matter was, what the particular experiment, how you were able to do this, but they found out that in like 70% of cases, they would actually block the person from leaving their social group and keeping them

[00:07:20] MATT: down.

[00:07:21] FAWN: Is this like the crab theory, like how they talk about a bunch of crabs in a bucket? When one crab figures out how to leave the bucket, they pull him down all the crap.

[00:07:33] MATT: Have you heard of this? I have. Is it

[00:07:35] MATT: like that? I think so. It's

[00:07:38] FAWN: just, and why is that? Is that because people feel threatened that their group will disappear if one person leaves? Well, I, then everybody else can leave. It's, and he'll be the only one that's not successful?

[00:07:49] MATT: I think it's like what we go through every time.

[00:07:52] MATT: You know, it's it, it feels like every time we decide to move, people take a offense to the fact that we would dare leave our current location. , which is typically where these people are. Like, why would you ever want to leave dot, dot,

[00:08:08] MATT: dot.

[00:08:08] FAWN: Yeah. A lot of people stopped being friends with us once they realized the miles involved in our move.

[00:08:18] FAWN: Right? They like said, oh, okay, well I guess that's it for our friendship. They literally said that, right? I'm like, really? It's a small world. Seriously. Like you wouldn't wanna have a friend over here that you can visit or like have a connection with? They literally ended the friendship.

[00:08:34] MATT: Right. And it's, it's so bizarre in this day and

[00:08:37] MATT: age where, you know, we're so global, we're so global, communications are so global, and we're able to video chat, phone; we can literally text anybody any second of the day.

[00:08:50] MATT: But even video chat, we figured out how to overcome most of the barriers There.

[00:08:54] FAWN: Is. Like

[00:08:55] FAWN: what you say, we offend or people get offended because they feel like you're insulting their way

[00:09:02] FAWN: of life,

[00:09:03] FAWN: right.

[00:09:03] MATT: But that's us moving out of a peer group. That's how they perceive it. And in point of fact, that's kind of how we're wired to perceive it.

[00:09:12] MATT: Because we're used to having a peer group. We can physically be present with our Elks Lodge, our boy scout t troop, our high school class, our, you know, fill in whatever blanks you want there.

[00:09:25] FAWN: So what do

[00:09:26] FAWN: you think the deal is? Why, why do people try to block you?

[00:09:31] MATT: Great, great question. If you ask anybody, and I mean anybody, how do you compare yourself in gen?

[00:09:40] MATT: And you say in general, which isn't a fair statement because people always kind of think about their peer groups, they don't think about the world. But if you ask everybody, you know, how good of a driver are you or how good looking are, do you think you are? Or, or, or, the most common answer is,

[00:09:59] FAWN: Above

[00:09:59] FAWN: average.

[00:09:59] MATT: Exactly

[00:10:01] FAWN: . It's like that documentary we saw 20 something years ago. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. It's "People Like Us".

[00:10:06] MATT: It circles around that

[00:10:07] MATT: exact same drain. Absolutely.

[00:10:08] FAWN: So we saw this documentary that was done by these guys. I think they were from New Jersey or something, or maybe it was Brooklyn East Coasty thing. Yeah.

[00:10:16] FAWN: They, these two men did this documentary. and then recently, somewhat recently, there was a movie called the same title. It's not that this was, this was a documentary that was done. We saw it on PBS or something, didn't we? Yeah.

[00:10:31] MATT: And then we had to track it down.

[00:10:32] FAWN: Yeah, we had to track it. We bought it. We'd like tracked down the creators of it because we were so impressed by their work.

[00:10:39] FAWN: We bought a DVD back then. Um, but it was called People Like Us and it was about the social class system in the United Sates. It was mind blowing.

[00:10:50] MATT: They went to Appalachia, they went to Jack and Jill Club. They went to, they covered upper

[00:10:56] FAWN: class, they went, they covered things that I, I wasn't even aware of that existed in our culture.

[00:11:03] FAWN: Right. It was fascinating. But what everyone had in common was, well, not everyone, but those truly affluent people. What everyone else had in common was they always thought they were of a higher class than they actually were. Well,

[00:11:21] MATT: and they, they always felt they were above average inside of that class.

[00:11:25] FAWN: Like above average beauty of above average intelligence above average. Uh, financially

[00:11:33] MATT: until, until you got to like the really wealthy, and they would always say they were middle class. Isn't that interesting? Or upper middle? That's as high as people would generally go. But

[00:11:42] FAWN: like remember, they were showing this one kid who lived out of a trailer.

[00:11:47] FAWN: Was it, was he from the Appalachian? Appalachia

[00:11:50] MATT: Mountains. I don't think that was the Appalachia piece.

[00:11:53] FAWN: Um, he was basically living in total poverty, no running water, no electricity. He lived in a decrepit, like broken down, um, what do you call those things? It was a trailer. A trailer, and he barely had teeth.

[00:12:10] FAWN: He was a young guy and he said he was middle class, right. anyway,

[00:12:17] MATT: but that's just it. We perceive ourselves to be a little bit better than the average person in our peer group. And so when somebody leaves our peer group or starts to assert that they're quote unquote "better than us", and where it gets fascinating is he took a look at two facets of peer groups, which is people's opinions and people's abilities.

[00:12:39] MATT: And unfortunately for, for you, If you know, you're, you're grouped together by abilities and it's, it's all about how fast you can run a mile. That's an objective measure. You can absolutely say who's faster than you and who's not. So that's, there's a comfort there. But we do something similar with opinions.

[00:12:55] MATT: So typically people want to, hang out and associate with people whose opinions are similar to theirs. Welcome to, welcome to the World, welcome to certainly the United States in 2022, 2023. and so when people are moving out of that peer group, you know, their opinions are shifting and that makes people uncomfortable and they wanna drag people back to where they are because that gives them comfort.

[00:13:22] MATT: Because you know this, this is yet someone else who agrees with my opinion.

[00:13:26] FAWN: Mm. Yeah, and it's a protect protection thing, like looking for people of the similar opinion as yours. If you're looking for that right now, I would say I'll speak for myself. If I do seek that out, it's because I'm looking for comfort in numbers, right?

[00:13:46] FAWN: Because I don't, I'm, you know, I'm tired of running into, um, racist, antisemitic people out there, and I know if I, if I meet someone of a certain political belief, if I meet someone who has a certain political belief that is similar to mine, that it's safer for me because I know chances are they're not a Nazi, they're not a neo-Nazi, that they're not whatever, go down the list of things that I think is dangerous towards me.

[00:14:26] FAWN: Right. So, yeah. I mean, I, I want to therefore be around people with similar opinions

[00:14:36] MATT: and Right. And yet you even, you'll, you'll have issues with people who are kind of soundly. I, I suppose, in the middle.

[00:14:45] FAWN: I think we've gotten to a place where if you are in the middle, for me, it's a deal breaker. I can't handle it in the middle.

[00:14:52] FAWN: Yeah, in the middle is a deal breaker for me because like yeah, in the middle. Well, so you can't decide if this Nazi is good or

[00:15:01] MATT: not. Well, maybe you've decided they're not good and you're not voting for them, but you're still a moderate.

[00:15:06] FAWN: But for me, that's a life and death issue. Right. So if you're in the middle about that, you're gonna be in the middle about possibly saving or destroying my life.

[00:15:17] FAWN: I'm

[00:15:17] MATT: just, I'm just talking about a moderate now I'm not talking about someone who's like tilting one way or the other. I'm just talking about somebody who, I don't know, maybe they have a, a jumble of kind of left wing and right wing kind of thoughts and beliefs.

[00:15:32] FAWN: I think I understand what you're saying, but what I'm saying is if I feel so threatened, That if this person isn't on board with me a hundred percent, then I don't want that person in my circle.

[00:15:44] MATT: And there you go. And that's how we tend to arrange ourselves in social groups. Right, right. Yeah. That's And, and in point of fact, and there you go. That's another thing he found in like 1954, he's doing this stuff and, you know, we haven't evolved really from here at all, but he figured out, I mean, here here's the word, divergent.

[00:16:05] MATT: If you're too divergent, he discovered, that's it. You're out, you're out of the group. Or people in that group won't even want to talk to you, which is exactly what you're describing.

[00:16:16] FAWN: Hmm. It happens in business too. At the office. I was divergent. Mm-hmm. and asked to leave. It seemed like a lot .

[00:16:25] MATT: And there you go. And, and there are ways of being convergent.

[00:16:29] FAWN: What's that?

[00:16:29] MATT: Well, like I remember one of the things that. Made people think very well of me is when I joined the football pool at work, particularly because I didn't do as well as maybe I should have, I was below average in it, which made everybody feel good, who was part of that social group, except for me, of course, cuz I sucked.

[00:16:48] MATT: But hey,

[00:16:51] FAWN: do you see a, do you personally think that there's a way out of

[00:16:55] MATT: this? This is how we're wired and we just need to understand that this is, this is where we are. But where, where the problem that I was coming to it from is where we kind of started, which is where we have this nasty habit of, let's say, finding an influencer because they make funny videos or they say things that I agree with and comparing ourselves to this person who's living this carefully curated perfect Facebook life.

[00:17:23] MATT: You know what that

[00:17:24] FAWN: reminds me? Can I interrupt or do you Yeah, feel free. Okay. So this reminds me of the person that you turned me onto years ago. Guy Kawasaki. Ah, guy. Guy Kawasaki. And this one book that you shared with me way back then, one of his books was, um, the Art of the Start. Yep. Is that what what it was?

[00:17:45] FAWN: Mm-hmm. . And it was when the minis were coming in, remember those minis, the cars, they, they redid the mini. Like the old school minis and then everyone started driving the minis and he was saying, take a good look at who's driving these minis, because it seemed like such a young car. A young hip car that you know, like the kids would buy it, but he's like, take a look at who's driving the minis, guaranted

[00:18:17] FAWN: in almost all the cases, the driver will be a white-haired person, meaning an old person. And he was right as soon as I read that and I looked, every owner of a mini that I saw had white, gray hair, right? And what he was saying was that, advertisers sell down. They sell youth, right? So, They want something to sell to the older crowd,

[00:18:46] FAWN: they make it seem like it's being sold to the kids. So and so. It's true. And, and what you were pointing out was, well, the kids can't afford that car.

[00:18:59] MATT: Right. Absolutely not.

[00:19:00] FAWN: Well, back then, the kids, kids couldn't afford it. Right? Right. And so it kind of makes me think of that in that these influencers that we see that seem like they're so like us, if you look, they're living in huge, beautiful mansions, like really expensive houses.

[00:19:20] MATT: Right? But you gotta pay attention and you have to be consciously, objectively meaning, uh, logically thinking it through versus emotionally. And they're tugging at your emotions all the time.

[00:19:31] FAWN: Yeah. But once you look at it, you can't ever unlook, you can't ever turn back from it. It. Years ago when we really took a look at the shows we were watching on TV or movies, you know, like, uh, remember the show Friends?

[00:19:47] FAWN: Nobody could afford that kind of apartment in New York City. And then as soon as one person mentioned it, everybody's like, Oh my God. That's right. No how in the world and yeah, in the show they said whatever was handed down because of her grandmother, but their lifestyle. But you look at all their movies, when you look at movies in general, they're always living in this beautiful, huge place, even when they're dirt poor and just, you know, it makes you relate, but at the same time, you're striving to be this and it's, it's.

[00:20:24] FAWN: It kind of leaves you feeling sad and stuck that you're never going to achieve it. It's like you're never going, ugh. It's like, do you mentioned this to me, Matt years ago, that the dream that it's impossible. Okay, I'm gonna say it wrong, Matt, you have to help me out, but like it's impossible to actually live the dream.

[00:20:47] FAWN: Like how they say, oh, you know, um, you, you can, you can build anything you want in America. You can do anything you want. You can achieve any kind of status you want. But truly is that the case?

[00:21:02] MATT: Well, let's, let's be super careful there. Okay. No, but do you remember the

[00:21:06] FAWN: conversation? I, I, could you replay it?

[00:21:08] FAWN: Cause I don't remember the exact words.

[00:21:11] MATT: I said the American dream, by and large is unattainable. That's what I said. Yeah. However, This is the fun part, and this is why people still pursue it. It's not, completely impossible. It's not 0.0% impossible. It's very, very difficult to land it. And the pictures that were fed, which were things, you know, say postwar, boom.

[00:21:38] MATT: Post World War ii. Post World War ii, boom. Yes. The postwar boom. Cause we're at war times and all the rest of it. Yeah. Um, this would've been 1940s, late 1940s, 1950s, early 1960s. You know, you could get a job in a factory and you could afford a multiple bedroom suburban

[00:21:58] FAWN: house. You could afford a washing machine.

[00:22:00] FAWN: You could afford a car. Everybody was into, it was around the world. I remember Canada, we watched this other documentary on food and how Canada was pretty much the same way. Like everybody during the World War II era, were rationing everything, food. Mm-hmm. like mm-hmm. like you, you could only eat certain things.

[00:22:23] FAWN: You could only wear certain things. Everything was rationed. Right. And then all of a sudden that fear was lifted and people were more liberated and then they started celebrating. They could eat whatever they want. They started eating lots of meat, which they couldn't before. They had more luxuries. Yes.

[00:22:44] FAWN: And so more of, more and more of that kept happening. And then from my perspective, I feel like it's when you are starving if you are hungry, if you are left to not have something for a long time or for a time that is very influential on your spirit, you can't ever really get over that. So I think that explains the 1980s and nineties.

[00:23:09] FAWN: The, the excess. The excess right. The access to the access. You know, they, it wasn't enough. Big is never big enough. Nope. Big enough is never big. Right. It was you. You couldn't get enough. It's like when you watch an animal that's been starving and it gets food and it keeps eating and eating and eating and it'll eat itself to death sometimes.

[00:23:34] FAWN: Yes. And I feel like that's what our society, especially in their, in the United States, kind of, that's what happened.

[00:23:41] MATT: Right. And that's. Kind of the conversation we were having at that point was, you know, the, the classic American dream story is not impossible, but it's pretty flippin' difficult and I think it's kind of stayed there to this point because what you, yeah, what you have is you have, you know, the 0.0001% is just getting richer and richer and richer and you know, if I'm working

[00:24:07] MATT: and my spouse is working full time, you know, maybe we're not making ends meet, maybe we're just barely making ends meet. Things start to get super tricky there. And so that's really, that's really the danger. And that's kind of my central point from where I started on this thing is as soon as we start comparing ourselves to a, to a Kardashian or to a, uh, one of these influencers who doesn't have to work for a living because they've already, you know, they have sponsors and they have, I mean, work for a living.

[00:24:37] MATT: A misnomer cuz they're working pretty gosh darn hard to get their influencers and get their free product and get their, you know, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. You know, maybe they got lucky, maybe not. Who knows? And

[00:24:50] FAWN: maybe, maybe they had, um,

[00:24:51] MATT: connections. Maybe they had connections. Maybe they had family money

[00:24:54] MATT: they're not talking about. Maybe, maybe, maybe,

[00:24:56] FAWN: maybe they had to have something to achieve the level of success that they have. And there you go. You feel like, You too can do this

[00:25:04] MATT: and you can't. Well, are you now speaking as somebody's trying to keep them down or trying to keep yourself down or self-limiting or a million other things.

[00:25:12] MATT: And that also feeds into this whole social mm-hmm. comparison theory, which is tricky. Yeah. Because I feel separate then because you want to be above average and maybe,

[00:25:21] FAWN: well, I too would like to get out of the slump financially that I'm in. Right. You know, I would like to succeed in my career, which I've been struggling at, right?

[00:25:31] FAWN: For my entire life, it feels like, you know, and I see these guys doing it and they're like, and then, you know, then they sell packages. Like, you too can do it. Just follow me or go to my workshops and pay this amount and, and I will show you how. And they can't. They don't because they don't.

[00:25:51] FAWN: It's like recipes. Recipes that are given to you by, I don't know, very influential bakers or chefs out there. They'll never give you the exact recipe, so you can never achieve exactly what they're doing. Well,

[00:26:08] MATT: and, and here's the fun part, if we take this baking analogy one more step further, cuz there's a zen saying that you can't step in the same river at the same spot ever.

[00:26:16] MATT: because the water's always flowing. But taking the recipe example, you don't have their oven, you don't have their altitude, you don't have this precise, Brand of flour. You don't have these fresh fruits that were grown in this area. You don't, and it's the same way I think, with a lot of people who would tell you, well, you can replicate my success.

[00:26:37] MATT: Well, the world changes every single day. Mm-hmm. and just because something worked three months ago, or six months ago or a year ago, doesn't mean it's gonna work today. And it just doesn't. And so you, that's why you have. If you're looking at business, and this is a terrible, well, this is a challenging place to get business advice, as it were, but you have to be limber.

[00:27:01] MATT: And that's really, that's really the key.

[00:27:03] FAWN: And I think when I realized years ago, and I've forgotten lately and I just realized it, listening to you, years ago, I told myself, stop looking at fashion magazines . Stop looking at other photographers, just do your own thing. There you go. And I felt so happy when I did that.

[00:27:21] FAWN: I couldn't care less about anybody else and what anyone else was doing. And I knew that the work that I was doing was coming from my own spirit and whatever was guiding me. And there you go, around me. That was happening. Na was happening naturally. And no matter what anyone said about my work, I was confident.

[00:27:39] FAWN: Because it came from my heart and I knew that it came from my own

[00:27:44] MATT: source. Right, right. And honestly, my biggest takeaway from this whole thing was we kind of can't help comparing ourselves to people. We just kind of can't help it. But we need to make sure to compare ourselves both up as well as down. So the people we're more fortunate than, and the people we're less fortunate than to kind of keep ourselves in balance.

[00:28:09] MATT: Cuz if we spend too much time looking either up or down, which is a terrible way of putting things and makes people feel uncomfortable. But if we constantly are comparing ourselves to people who are quote unquote light years above us. We're gonna feel terrible if we keep comparing ourselves only to people who are light years below us

[00:28:27] MATT: whatever that means to you or doesn't mean to you, ultimately, that's still not gonna be very fulfilling for us.

[00:28:32] FAWN: Well, what if you do neither one and just keep focusing on your own self? Well, is that too? And there you go. But is that too, um, what's the word,

[00:28:40] MATT: narcissistic?

[00:28:41] FAWN: No. Oh my god. I was not gonna say that.

[00:28:45] FAWN: No, I was gonna say, is that too introverted?

[00:28:49] MATT: Oh, well, and that's fair too. A narcissist is an introvert on some level. Cause they're always, they're always looking inward at themselves. Oh my God. But anyways, um, no I wouldn't. But I would say that, you know, you are one of the rare breed who can do that. I think most people cannot.

[00:29:04] MATT: We can't help but compare ourselves to others.

[00:29:07] FAWN: Well, I've been pretty miserable lately cuz I have been comparing myself to others. and there you go. But I'm gonna go back. I'm, I'm going back to just doing my own thing. I, I started that actually a couple weeks ago.

[00:29:18] MATT: Fair enough.

[00:29:19] FAWN: But it's hard to get back to that because it's so hard

[00:29:22] FAWN: not to, it's, it's, it's hard to stop looking where you were looking. It's hard to stop looking at the social media. It's, it's hard because it's everywhere now. And, and that's just it. Even if you get off social media, it's still around

[00:29:33] MATT: you. Right? So I think if you're currently finding glee at the misfortunes of others, cuz we're getting an interesting influx of that right now,

[00:29:45] MATT: check yourself. If you're feeling bad because you're looking at other people who are quote unquote, more fortunate than yourself, check yourself. Just, you know, try and figure out a balance in there somewhere of feeling just good about where you're at.

[00:30:00] FAWN: Yeah. And I think the key is to just be quiet and go out to nature.

[00:30:04] FAWN: And if you're not surrounded by nature, at night, looking up at the sky and just letting that take over you and turning off all that noise. Well, that was really good honey. Thanks. Let's continue the conversation and we'll talk to you in a few days. Take care. Again, thank you so much for listening.

[00:30:30] FAWN: Talk to you later. Be well. Bye.

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**Have you ever had that person, that friend that was the worst? Like, you wish you had never, ever met this person? There may be people out there that are your enemy, that could do things to you that will disrupt and destroy what seems like everything including your sense of hope. Because of their actions and because of the situation that you were interlaced with, they could also be the spark and the motivation needed to get to the next level to get us to where our (the hero's) destiny lives, finding the motivation to go back to our true, powerful self.

Today, we discuss a key perspective needed to recover from the betrayal of a very, very bad friend. When the worst friend happens, it may feel like our entire life is shaken, even our physical body can shake like we're going through an ice storm. Have you ever gone through a breakup and it just, feels gross? You feel so exposed and downright shaky on all levels even physically I shake remembering some instances. It feels like all is lost and everything, quote unquote metaphorically speaking is burned down; everything is gone. Everything. We're stripped. Our life surroundings feel stripped. I think when this happens, it allows for a certain sparseness in order for us to find something that was buried, that was actually us; our sparkling us, that somehow got completely lost and buried. And because that “us” started to fade away, perhaps that's why the very, very, very, very bad friends came along.

So in a way, these people were actually our friends who decided to step in and act so ugly for us to be, for it to be the catalyst situation for us to get back to finding who we were at our greatest original form. It's like spiritual house cleaning. And when everything is gone, we're going to find our true self that was there all along, and that's why this very, very, very, very bad friend is our great friend. I'm not saying we're gonna hang out with them and go to tea with them and have pajama parties. I'm saying that it was a good thing. It was a good thing. They acted so ugly. They were selfless enough to come in and be such an ugly force, for us to get back on track.

Beyond devastation, beyond the level of betrayal, we can and will find our way back to perfect selves.**

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

The Best Worst Friend

[00:00:00] FAWN: Hi everybody. Welcome back. Hi. Hello. This episode is for when you think that all is lost. That everything is destroyed.

[00:00:13] FAWN: Oh

[00:00:13] MATT: dear.

[00:00:13] FAWN: It's all bad and everything has burned to the ground.

[00:00:21] MATT: Wicked.

[00:00:22] FAWN: This episode is about the very worst friend, kind of like your best friend, but your worst friend.

[00:00:33] FAWN: That's our daughter singing in the background. They're making breakfast and running around, so you're gonna hear a lot of noise. . The very worst friend. How do I start this man? How did I explain it to you the other day? There's something I've been thinking about lately a lot more for some reason, and I know the reason actually.

[00:00:52] FAWN: Years and years ago in the photography industry, I, I had a group of friends and it's a small world and the photography community for me was not a very kind one. It was incredibly competitive and people were, people were not the kindest, I gotta tell you. So I left a lot of those friends behind, and I'm using the word friends, very friendly, , very friendly way.

[00:01:22] MATT: You left that peer group behind maybe is the right way to, it

[00:01:25] FAWN: wasn't even a peer group. They wouldn't even allow me in their group. I, it, it they were not my peers. Well, that's

[00:01:31] MATT: a whole other subject that I'd like to cover at

some

[00:01:33] FAWN: point. Yeah, definitely. But go ahead. What do you mean by that? Well, it's

[00:01:37] MATT: just

[00:01:41] MATT: don't wanna, seriously, I don't wanna get into it right now, but everybody likes to feel that they're above average inside of any peer group right. And, lacking objective measures, they go subjective. But then there's always those people who wanna maintain their above average status. And so you need people who they consider below average.

[00:02:01] MATT: It's a weird world, but that's social comparison theory in,

[00:02:05] FAWN: let's not talk about that right now. We'll talk about that next episode maybe, but, um, I don't know. Is it the same as when people, especially in Hollywood, when I was there, Hollywood, the, this thing was always said, cuz I, I was in the, in industry, in and out, you know, my head down trying to survive, trying to, like, trying to make it, you know mm-hmm.

[00:02:31] FAWN: before I mm-hmm. , forget it. I was like nuts to this, I'm out. Bye. And I, and I just did it on my. Far, far away from la. And so, um, is it the same as like constantly? What I heard was if you are, if you're nice, you're perceived as weak. That's what they would say. Right? And that's how they acted.

[00:03:00] FAWN: People were very mean. And a few years ago, I ran into a crowd from the industry that I had just met, but they were from Europe, and they were like, Fawn, it's totally changed. It's not like that anymore. That's like old school. I'm like, really? Because just, just, just the other night I was looking at some movies that were on Amazon.

[00:03:23] FAWN: And I saw one of my enemies,

[00:03:27] MATT: oh, see, I'm really glad I don't run into any of my enemies out there in the world,

[00:03:32] FAWN: but like, I'm like, okay, so now this person has a movie that they did, and it took me a while because I, I was like, okay, I, I don't wanna watch it because I want nothing to do with this person.

[00:03:46] FAWN: Just the, the name of this person triggers me. I'm like, well, I obviously have a charge, right? So I wanna get rid of that. So let, let me just be objective. What do you mean? Well,

[00:03:58] MATT: no, no, no, go ahead.

[00:03:59] FAWN: Why are you making

[00:03:59] FAWN: that noise?

[00:04:00] MATT: Just cause I generally, um, go through avoidance, but that's me.

[00:04:05] FAWN: Yeah, you avoid and then things happen and you get sick.

[00:04:08] FAWN: I, when things come up, I'm like, let me get this outta my spirit, outta my body. It doesn't belong with me. I gotta clear it.

[00:04:16] MATT: Right.

[00:04:16] FAWN: So I sat there and I was like, all right. I bet you I was thinking to myself, I bet you Fawn, that this movie will be all about her ,

[00:04:29] MATT: even though it's supposed to be a documentary on the state of the industry or some subject, right?

[00:04:33] MATT: No, it

[00:04:33] FAWN: was the state of the world. Oh, state of the whole world. Well, no, the culture, not even the world. They're not. Please like, so, so what's the word? Narcissistic and like self-absorbed please. You know, like so hard trying to be edgy. You know? They love that word, edgy. They, everyone would, you had to be edgy and I wasn't edgy.

[00:04:57] FAWN: You know, I was all about love and my pictures were just about the beauty of humanity. And so no, I didn't photograph edgy stuff. I could have, I was definitely in those situations. That's not where I choose to focus. Anyway, I'm getting off the subject, sorry. But I was like, I bet you it'll be about her. But anyway, so I, I turned, I, I started to play the movie and I didn't, I couldn't even watch the whole thing, but sure enough, the first 30 minutes all about her, it was like, oh my God, nothing has changed after all these years.

[00:05:33] FAWN: it's the same mess. It's the same freight

[00:05:35] FAWN: train.

[00:05:36] MATT: Well, it, it revolves around my theory that, you know, it really takes a catastrophic event to, to cause fundamental shifts in people. And that rarely happens because we get so much reinforcement in doing things the way we've always done things. And then you run into being Blockbuster video and you don't know what to do.

[00:05:53] FAWN: Well,

[00:05:53] FAWN: speaking of reinforcement, theyre reinforced because they're surrounded by a bunch of people, and that's how they act and that's the way to be and fine, that's their way. I want nothing to do with it. Right? Which is obviously why I'm here and they're there, , you know? And sometimes I just feel like, wow, I have totally veered off course because I'm not at this status level.

[00:06:17] FAWN: And I'm like, no, that's not the status level I ever wanted it. It's gross. It's gross how they, to me it's gross how they operate. So I want nothing to do with it. I'm just gonna do it my way. And unfortunately, my way is alone. Like this person totally did me dirt. Mm-hmm. , they did me dirt .

[00:06:39] MATT: Oh dear.

[00:06:39] FAWN: And I was trying to be kind and I was trying to be low key.

[00:06:42] FAWN: Mm-hmm. , but like I wasn't about to have them disrespect me, so I quietly walked away one day when they had me wait in their house for. Like close to three hours.

[00:06:54] MATT: Well, I'm sure they were really busy with things other than just talking to random people on the phone.

[00:06:58] FAWN: They were talking to like quote unquote famous, influential people

[00:07:03] MATT: and Right, right, right.

[00:07:04] MATT: Definition more important than you, and I wanna make

[00:07:06] MATT: sure you know that.

[00:07:07] FAWN: Yeah, exactly. And I was there. I don't remember. It was a friend had set up a meeting for us, for us to become like acquaintances. Mm-hmm. in the industry and perhaps, I don't know, this other friend thought maybe I could assist her on something.

[00:07:23] FAWN: I don't know. It was just a meet, like a meeting and three hours. I was sitting there totally ignored by her. And she like goes about her day and she's like, She barely said two words to me, so close to hour three. I was like, I'm outta here. Right? So I quietly, like I just said, okay, bye, thank you. Right? And I left.

[00:07:44] FAWN: And then I thought, you know, she would get it like, wow,

[00:07:48] MATT: I totally dissed this person. And who totally was waiting for me for, oh my goodness, it's been three hours. I didn't realize.

[00:07:55] FAWN: So I, when I got back to my studio mm-hmm. , I get a call. The friend who set this up and she's like, what did you do? She said, you were a psycho.

[00:08:06] FAWN: She called me a psycho. I'm like, wow. Wow. So anyway, is it

[00:08:12] MATT: because you didn't get upset because you probably sat there reasonably bored, waiting sometimes for

[00:08:18] FAWN: the meeting? We've talked about this, Matt. Sometimes when you do someone wrong when someone does something wrong. Right. They'll make any excuse to justify their behavior.

[00:08:28] FAWN: Yes. So yeah, I'm, I was "crazy", I was whatever, "psycho", whatever. Just because I decided to quietly say, well, thank you. I'm gonna leave. It's been three hours now. I'm gonna leave now. Bye bye. Like, I'm sorry you're this famous person. I don't care. Right. You know what I mean? My time is my life. My life is valuable also.

[00:08:49] FAWN: Anyway, I didn't say any of that. I just quietly bowed out, you know? Mm-hmm. . Anyway, so a few months later I was applying to this grant, and I was turned down in such a way, I don't remember the words, Matt, but it was so ugly. I'm like, wow, why aren't they just turning me down? Why are they attacking my character?

[00:09:12] FAWN: Guess who was on the committee to let people in? She was. Anyway. Anyway, this is just me still venting about the other night. Sorry, but, what I'm trying to say is that there are people out there that are your enemy. That will do things to you that will disrupt everything. That will destroy everything.

[00:09:36] FAWN: Not only things that you've built in your life, but they destroy your sense of hope. Because of their actions and because of the situation that you were interlaced with, they are the spark that feels like destroys everything. Mm-hmm. destroys your spirit destroys your, whatever you were working on physically.

[00:09:56] FAWN: Have you ever had that person, that friend that was the worst? Like, you're like, oh my goodness, like you wish you had never, ever met this person.

[00:10:10] MATT: Okay. Not that far, but close.

[00:10:12] FAWN: So the thing that I've learned that I, that I wanna talk about today briefly, and, and that's it. I'm so sorry to talk about the photography thing for so long.

[00:10:22] FAWN: But like, for example, for me, those best friends were the yoga bitches that I always talk about. They, except for our kids, they really hurt our kids. There because they're way younger. It, it, it took them, they're still trying to recover from it, right? From their betrayal, the betrayal of the very, very bad friend, and there were multiple of them.

[00:10:50] FAWN: It was a group. When that happens, your entire life, is shaken, even your physical body. Have you ever gone through a breakup and it's just, it feels gross? You feel so exposed and downright shaky on all levels, like even physically I shake. Does that happen

[00:11:11] FAWN: to you, Matt?

[00:11:12] MATT: Okay. For me it's a little different.

[00:11:14] MATT: Um, when I, when I were lad I played soccer and once or twice I got involved, I think it was only once. Thank goodness where I got the air knocked outta. Soccer ball hit me in the stomach, or who knows what, right? Mm-hmm. , when you get the air knocked outta you, you can't breathe. You're breathing, but it feels like you can't breathe.

[00:11:32] MATT: It feels like you're never gonna catch your breath. You're lying down on the ground. You're surrounded by people who are looking at you like, oh my goodness, what's happening? And, and you eventually catch your breath and life goes on, right? Mm-hmm. . That's how I feel.

[00:11:46] FAWN: Wow.

[00:11:47] MATT: I feel like I can't breathe, and I think it's because I got the air knocked outta me when

[00:11:51] MATT: I were lad.

[00:11:53] MATT: Wow. It's, it's really a frightening thing. Yeah. And yet, you know, as long as you're breathing, you're okay, but it just feels like you just can't catch. And it's like, that's, that's ridiculous. If you've never had it happen to you, it doesn't make any sense.

[00:12:07] FAWN: So you've had that also happen on a spiritual sense.

[00:12:10] MATT: That's how it feels when Yeah, something like that happens. It feels like I just can't catch my breath.

[00:12:16] FAWN: I'm sorry, honey

[00:12:18] MATT: is what it is .

[00:12:20] FAWN: Well, when this happens, this is what I've learned. When all is lost mm-hmm. , I feel like because all is lost and everything, quote unquote metaphorically speaking is burned down, everything is gone.

[00:12:36] FAWN: Mm-hmm. , everything. Your stripped. Your life surroundings feel stripped. I think when that happens, it allows for a certain sparseness, for you to find something that was buried, that was actually you; you're sparkling you, right? That somehow got completely lost and buried right? And because that started to fade away, perhaps that's why, one tends to attract these other very, very, very, very bad friends.

[00:13:13] FAWN: So in a way, speaking, like if you're gonna step away from where you are and step further away and further away, and just look at the planet from outer space and everything is really small, and then you look at it like maybe on an angelic realm, these people were actually your best friends who decided to step in and say, you know what, I'm gonna come in and act so ugly

[00:13:38] FAWN: for you to be; for it to be like the catalyst situation for you to get back to finding who you were. Right.

[00:13:46] MATT: Well, it's who you are. It's, it's like spiritual house cleaning.

[00:13:49] FAWN: Exactly. Oh my God. Yeah. That's totally it. So you know when everything is gone, you're going to find your true self that was there all along, and that's why this very, very, very, very bad friend

[00:14:07] FAWN: is your best friend. I'm not saying you're gonna hang out with them and go to tea with them and have pajama parties. I'm saying that it was a good thing. It was a good thing. They acted so ugly. They were selfless enough to come in and be such an ugly force, for you to get back on track. So for me, like with the yoga crew mm-hmm.

[00:14:31] FAWN: when all that happened, oh my God, it, it was devastation. I couldn't believe the level of betrayal, right? And the level of stupidity, who that was happening, ignorance, all of that. And then little by little throughout the quiet, I discovered little things like my aviator glasses. My aviator sunglasses, little sparks of who I was way back from the Santa Monica days.

[00:15:01] FAWN: Mm-hmm. . And it started to come back. Right. And I'm like, and I thought it was just an inner thing. And then what also came back was that sense of power that I had inside of me, that like supremely powerful Fawn. That supremely powerful you getting back to remembering who that was; the" vibrant, nothing can get you down,

[00:15:26] FAWN: you're gonna make it, you're an amazing force." That, that for me was lost before I met these people. Mm-hmm. . And I feel like I met them for me to get angry enough in a way to find myself again. And I thought it was just me and I thought it was just on the inside, but it took a friend who knows my Santa Monica days.

[00:15:49] FAWN: She came to visit us and she looked at me as we were walking to the car one day. She's like, oh my God, Santa Monica is back. I'm like, oh, she's looking at my aviators, , or like, just the way I was strutting, you know, just my walk. My walk was different. Mm-hmm. , my walk was back. My, my power was back. The martial artsy, like inner vibe, circle was back.

[00:16:19] FAWN: I gotta thank the very, very bad friend.

[00:16:23] FAWN: Multiple.

[00:16:24] MATT: I totally get it. I wouldn't

[00:16:26] MATT: quantify them as a friend. I'd more like say that they were a teacher here to give you a lesson, as it were. And I know there was a long relationship before that, but the end of the friendship was the lesson. . Yeah. And I had something very similar.

[00:16:40] MATT: And this was, this was, this was high school. I was, you know, I was 15. Um, I literally, this was my best friend. We had been best friends for a long time. We had a, we had a Kool-Aid stand together. My goodness. He lived in the same housing track, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, I used to, yeah.

[00:17:01] MATT: underage. I used to, I used to be one of those annoying people who would hang real estate signs on people's doors. You did? Yes. You know, the little flyers to say, Hey, do such and such. I gotta, you know, I got paid better than minimum wage. But, and really, but he and I worked at that. It was, it was his gig and he cut me in on it and everything.

[00:17:21] MATT: And when that friendship burned to the ground, I burned it to the ground, first of all, cuz I got fed up with stuff. Mm-hmm. . So it was a matter of taking back, you know, my own sense of self as you described. You know, I lost all of that, but I didn't feel like a loss because it was just like I got rid of things that weren't serving me.

[00:17:43] MATT: Mm-hmm. , which is wholly different. And then later I had a later experience where something similar happened. In that instance it was actually a different focus. I didn't feel like I burned everything down, it felt like all of a sudden I had a lot of free time and I started saying, okay, I'm gonna focus on the things I excel at and I'm gonna pick up stuff that I don't know how to do that I've always wanted to.

[00:18:06] MATT: And that's when I, stuff like learned how to hit a ball with a bat cuz I didn't know how to do that , which is really funny, but I didn't, and I, that was always something I wanted to be reasonably competent at. And I got reasonably competent. Now, I haven't done it forever, but that's another

[00:18:23] MATT: story.

[00:18:23] FAWN: But that's your, one of your go-tos is going to the batting

[00:18:26] MATT: cages.

[00:18:26] MATT: That's just it. There's a certain piece to that as far as what works for me. Yeah, and that's also when I picked up disc golf and that's also blah, blah, blah, blah. A lot of the things that I do that I enjoy, stem from, losing sight of this teacher.

[00:18:42] FAWN: It goes back to, once again, the world is a small town

[00:18:45] FAWN: and everybody's your friend, right? And you know, the girls used to like saying, that's not our friend. I'm like, but it is. And you just said they're not. You wouldn't, you wouldn't, you wouldn't call them your friend, but they are your friends. Because if you look at it on a level of like an Akashic level, you know, a level of, um, spirit that before you're a person, before you're here as a human being, walking planet earth. We've talked about this, like for years on our podcast, I always say even the person that you walk past on a city sidewalk, that that's a meeting that was planned. Everything is planned. Everything is a meeting perfectly timed. And I think that these ugly, horrible, horrible people,

[00:19:39] FAWN: there's a contract and yeah, it's on a soul level, this person chose to be the hated character, the villain of a movie, and in a way that's pretty noble.

[00:19:55] MATT: Right. Well, the villain in a movie, I think via John Campbell's kind of thought about the whole thing, forces our hero to really embrace their destiny and really, bring everything to full focus.

[00:20:09] MATT: You know, uh, typically in a martial arts movie, it's when they start training, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Mm-hmm. and getting really good, really, you know, able to quote unquote, defeat

[00:20:19] MATT: this enemy.

[00:20:19] FAWN: That's when you want to bowl.

[00:20:23] MATT: Oh my goodness.

[00:20:23] FAWN: Do you remember that movie with Jean Claude Van Damme Kickboxer? Oh, have you ever watched that movie, "Kickboxer"

[00:20:29] FAWN: maybe they changed it. They

[00:20:31] MATT: probably have, God knows I have mocked it often enough. But the, the antagonist name was Tong Po. And our hero, Jean-Claude Van Dam is like, I want to, the line is I want Tong Po because he wants to battle him.

[00:20:45] FAWN: He wants to fight. Fight. He killed his brother or something, right?

[00:20:48] FAWN: I don't remember.

[00:20:48] MATT: He mamed

[00:20:49] MATT: his brother. Yeah.

[00:20:49] MATT: Like paralyzed. But anyway, right. That's right. . But yeah, on the DVD DVDs. Remember those? Um, the, what? The translations I was, I was running the subtitles and the subtitle came across. I want to bowl . Like to go bowling? To go bowling. Oh dear.

[00:21:06] FAWN: Oh dear. But that's the, I wanna go bowling moment.

[00:21:09] FAWN: Right, right. When you get to that level,

[00:21:12] MATT: when you finally realized he finally got all the motivation he needed to get to the next level to get to where the hero's

[00:21:18] FAWN: destiny. Yeah, and that's basically it. Finding the motivation to go back to your true, powerful self. And that's it. That's the very, very, very, very bad friend.

[00:21:30] FAWN: Thank you. And as, I don't know

[00:21:34] MATT: if I want to thank him, but it certainly was a growing moment. Yeah.

[00:21:37] FAWN: You, you have to be thankful for it. You get to a point where you're like, thank you, thank you, cuz I never have to see you again. Hopefully, or, and also thank you because I'm in a better place now. I'm, I'm free and clear of all the debris, all the garbage.

[00:21:55] FAWN: Thank

[00:21:55] MATT: you. I would say thank you for the lesson. I wouldn't say thank you to the person, .

[00:22:00] FAWN: Okay. You have to work on it, Matt. No way, man. You're still holding onto some stuff. . All right, friends, that's it. We'll talk to you in just a few days. We love you so much. Thank you for listening. We'll talk to you in a few days again.

[00:22:14] FAWN: Bye. Be well. Bye.

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This week we go over the top 5 types of kindness and the top 5 places kindness can be displayed. **It's said that one of the reasons why people stop and aren't kind is because kindness takes time (either they have no time or they perceive that they have no time). We think that kindness does not take time. Kindness has many ways. One way could be in the way you look at someone. Smiling, for example, has an art to it (the art of smiling is a thing that Fawn talks about all the time). We can all absolutely feel and see people smile. We can sense a genuine smile. When we are being completely in the moment, even if we're rushed, allows for some gentleness to occur for ourselves (within our little bubble). That feeling ripples out. That's a form of kindness.
Matt shows how kindness is interpreted; how people see expressions of kindness, through a study that was done in the UK by the University of Sussex.

As Fawn and Matt discuss how people view kindness and add to it the perception of how time and opportunity as well as preconceived ideas play a role in kindness, Fawn makes the point that we all have our talents, that we all have our ways to provide kindness, and argues that there should not be a blanket way to be kind; that there are many, many infinite possibilities where kindness can show itself. We should never ever underestimate the power of a genuine smile.

It's a brave act to be kind, because yes if you are expected kindness to be understood and reciprocated immediately, you may get your feelings hurt. Being kind should be like lending someone money. Don't lend someone money and expect to get it back. If you lend it, just give it with the expectation that you'll never see it again. You're not being kind to get something in response. You're being kind to help somebody. When someone is hurting, they may lash out at you. They're in so much pain and that pain is just ricocheting off everywhere. And you may get hit by it. You have to kind of expect that and not let that injure you and keep going with your kindness and do your good deed.

So why bother being kind? Why not just concentrate on me in mine? Humanity is one body. When one person is in pain, we all feel the pain. And if that person is ignored (their pain is ignored, their pain will spread out to the rest of society. So being kind is really being kind to others, is being kind to yourself. In our own house, if someone is in a bad mood and someone is crying and someone's upset, it affects the whole home. It's the same thing outside of the home. It's the same thing in our society. So that is why kindness is important. It's pretty simple.**

**We'd all much rather live in a world where everyone is kind than a world where everyone is not kind. And even if that's a world where we just try and help, everybody wants to live in a world where everybody's trying to help them, and that makes it easier for us to try and help everyone. This results in us having more energy. If you're constantly feeling like everything is, "you're on your own kid" as we hear all the time growing up in the United States, "pull yourself by your bootstraps." "You're on your own kid" at 18, you're out. When we hear all that stuff, it is disheartening. It is impossible and exhausting to do everything ourselves.

The hone**

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We can think of each person and ourselves as a different kind of element (earth, fire, water, air and space), and explore how these elements work together. Some elements love each other; they support and nurture each other while some elements like fire and water are enemies; destroy each other and they need to remain separate. What does all this mean in accordance to our relationships? How can we coexist? What is the right balance to have (because we all have each and all of the elements within us) in order to have a beautiful friendship? Keep in mind that IMBALANCE is necessary also.

If you think about walking, You couldn't walk if you were not imbalanced. If you were always balanced, you would not be able to walk because you would be so centered the whole time. The fact that you have to take one step and put all your weight onto another leg. To go to that next step is a free fall if you think about it. And it requires imbalance. You have to have faith that you are going to transition through that imbalance and wind up in a steady spot. These are the things to keep in mind in the art of friendship.

Enjoy this episode and tell others about our podcast, subscribe, and leave us a kind review. AND keep friendship alive. Get a free copy of our book by clicking here:

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

It's Elementary - TRANSCRIPT

When

[00:00:00] FAWN: I went to the hardware store, Yeah, when I went, when I went to the hardware store, when I went to Home Depot, I had a culture, not a culture shock. I don't know what to call it. It wasn't a shock, but a, when you go to different areas and you don't realize how different you are, and then all of a sudden you experience a shift in culture? Mm-hmm. ? Yes. That happened to me at the store , and then it happened after the store also, like I was talking to our neighbor, Kathy, and she started laughing at one word I said, and the conversation continued, but she definitely laughed at me saying, our friend's name Barry.

[00:00:44] FAWN: And she's like, What? I'm like Barry. She's like Barry and, And she was laughing about how I said strawberry or blueberry and then she corrected it quickly, like it happened in a span of like two seconds. Wait, how did she correct it? She said Barry, again, I don't know. Cause I'm experiencing culture shock, like aari or something.

[00:01:05] FAWN: Berry. Berry. This is

[00:01:07] MATT: like when you try and correct me with your fluent french.

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**We're talking about telling it like it is, not being worried about looking ugly, and not allowing ourselves to get so offended. Everyone goes through moments where they get offended in a friendship. But have you noticed that in our current culture, as soon as someone gets offended, it's the end of the friendship?

Relationships have become disposable because it's so easy to just avoid a person or a certain problem forever, and never want to talk about it again. This takes us back to the saying “How you start something is how you end”. We can't end on a bad note and think that we can go into this other thing and start all over, with a clean slate. The same issues will inevitably come up again. So if we get offended by someone and we end that relationship because we never want to talk to this person again, whatever issue was a charge is going to happen again. That same issue in some other form is going to come up again.**

Further discussion leads us to explore when being polite at all costs is ruining our humanity and our relationships/friendships. We explore the delicate balance of telling it like it is, perhaps appearing harsh, but needing to be truthful in order to be good friends. Sometimes being unafraid to look foolish or ugly can save our lives.

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:01] FAWN: everybody. Hello. Welcome. I told you, what did I tell you about the Hello .

[00:00:07] MATT: Hello everyone.

[00:00:08] FAWN: Thank you. Hello. Love you. Love is winning.

[00:00:15] FAWN: oh dear. This week, today we're talking about giving it to you straight, telling it like it is, right? So I'll tell you how it is, honest. I have to get things off my chest. This week was hard, This week was hard. Uh, Allegra had a meltdown. I'm like, Okay, let's change the perspective. The meltdown happened because of math, which, you know, when I started homeschooling, I started to really love math because, My perspective changed and I got emotional about it.

[00:00:46] FAWN: Like I really wanted to understand this thing that always gave me trouble in school. And then, because I could start from the very beginning, like preschool age up until now, we're like, you know, the kids are like, like big

[00:01:03] MATT: seventh, ninth, 10th, seventh, eighth, ninth, 10th. God, I missed eight.

[00:01:08]

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How to make friends when life has changed? How do we make friends when our life has completely changed? And that change could be a move, it could be being in a completely different situation, a new job, people we love passing away, or we give birth, become parents, etc, etc. Things open and close. Things happen, and life changes. That's when we start looking around to see if we have friends for real around us; someone to call, to be with us, to hold our hand; someone we can just walk down the street with, someone to be our witness in life. How can we make friends when life has completely changed or changed a little bit?

How do we make friends when we're going through a transformation?

It's like jumping into a beautiful lake, but you don't want to because it's gonna be a shocking cold temperature or something. Whatever it is, it's going to be uncomfortable for a few seconds. But Once we're in there, the water's fine and we can open our arms, glide, and enjoy life.

In this episode, we discuss steps to take to make new friends in a new place.

How to move to make friends moving to a new place - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Okay. Hello. We are back. Here we are.

[00:00:03] Matt: Hello everybody. How are you

[00:00:04] Fawn: doing? Good job, Matt. . I was just telling Matt every time we start the show, hello? He just says hello. I'm like, it just sounds like I spliced your voice in saying hello like a puppet. No. Good. So here he is, everybody. Matt. Hello. Oh my God.

[00:00:24] Fawn: So. I made a new podcast friend last week. Actually we met weeks ago, but mm-hmm. . I was on his podcast. His name is Adam,

[00:00:35] Fawn: and

[00:00:35] Fawn: his podcast is podcasting Business school. So check that out. I think, it's good even if you're not a podcaster, to listen to him because he makes great business sense. . And if you look at it, if you look at people who are doing really well in business, they're actually, you can use their advice also for friendship.

[00:00:57] Fawn: But anyway, we were talking and yeah, that's how, how I was doing, I'm like, Oh, you know, finally got through, unpacking the last box. You know, it's been nuts. , he's like, I move too, he. Uh, I think a month and a half before we did, or two months before we did. Mm-hmm. And, and I do recall when we met in this huge forum through Podfest. I think he glanced at our podcast. He didn't know about us. But he was like, Oh, friendship. Well if you're gonna do it, I hope you're doing it on. Like how do I actually teach people to make friends? I'm like, I'm like, Is he talking to me? I t

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The invisible line, the invisible barriers that we need to be aware of that will set us free. So the invisible barriers we are dealing with that hold us to certain places in situations, the invisible barriers invisible lines that keep us from connecting to each other.

They're all over the place and they come in so many different forms. We discuss some invisible acts of power when once we realize and are aware of them, allow us to break free from the chains that bind us and keep us from living a free life and enable us to create beautiful friendships/relationships.

The Invisible Line - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello everybody. Welcome back. Hello. So the invisible line, the invisible barriers that we need to be aware of that will set us free. So the invisible barriers we are dealing with that hold us to certain places in situations, the invisible barriers invisible lines that keep us from connecting to each other.

[00:00:24] Fawn: They're all over the place and they come in so many different forms. But first of all, what are some invisible acts of power? We already did a show, remember with Rachel Chevalier from France, and we talked about grid lines, power lines, right? That are deep in the earth that you can't see. But your body definitely feels, and it changes your health, it changes everything.

[00:00:51] Fawn: Lay lines.

[00:00:52] Fawn: Remember that?

[00:00:52] Matt: Yes. Absolutely. Is it red blood cells? They're affected by magnetism. It's one of those weird things. It's one of the reasons why, No, it's something in the blood. It's not the red blood cells, but it's something in the blood.

[00:01:03] Matt: We have this in our bodies, determine which way north is, which is a bizarre

[00:01:08] Fawn: thing. Like birds have it right? It's a mineral that exists that it, it's some sort of, Metal or something. Some kind of metal that I think birds have more of.

[00:01:21] Fawn: More

[00:01:21] Matt: iron in the blood. That's what it is.

[00:01:23] Fawn: I thought it was something else like, I don't know. Whatever. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Cause I don't wanna get into the science of it. I wanna get

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we all need someone that has our back. We all need someone to confide in. Today we explore the meaning of CONFESSION and realize that it is something more than a religious act; that it is a way to release negativity from our hearts. But how do we know which person or people in our lives we can trust to do this with?

The Confidante - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: There is a reason why so many songs can bring us such comfort. Like there's a song that says, Have little faith in me, and that's what we all need is to have someone that has our back. That's one of the parts of the art of Friendship, We have each other's backs, right?

That you know you're not alone, That when you're going through something that someone is there with you. Maybe they've gone through it already, or they can see better than you in certain circumstances. Today's show, I wanna talk about the confidant, and that came from confess. I was listening to Carolyn Myss. She brought up the whole point of, you know, everything's changing and so many religions and everything, and once you leave Earth, it's not about the religion.

It's not, and that, but so many things have been thrown out. What's the saying, Matt? Like, thrown out with the bath water,

[00:01:04] Matt: throw the baby out with the bath water.

[00:01:06] Fawn: And one of the things that has been thrown out has been confession. And it made me think, And then we actually talk about, it's, it's so weird because on a parallel level we talk about the same stuff

carolyn May talks about, you probably don't even know who she is. Uh, sort of, okay. So. The whole idea of confession. I started looking into it. I'm like, Well, I, from my perspective, I understand, I don't really understand the religious, religious aspect of confession. Like what is it really there for? Do you know, Matt, did you have confession growing up in the religion you were raised in?

Oh my

[00:01:44] Matt: goodness. Good Protestants. Don't do the confession. That was one of Martin Luther's issues with Catholicism.

[00:01:50] Fawn: What's wrong with confession? What I mean, what do you think confession is all about?

[00:01:55] Matt: Okay, so confession, not unlike communism is a really, really great idea in kind of abstraction. But when you start involving humans into the mix, everything gets messed up.

[00:02:08] Fawn:

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A reminder from Goethe: For five minutes a day, look at something beautiful, listen to something beautiful, and think of something beautiful, especially so when you're not feeling so well.

This week we focus on what to do when we don't feel well, and what to do when friends don't feel well.

TRANSCRIPT - Checking in on A Friend Feeling Under the Weather

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back everybody. A reminder from Goethe. Yes, for five minutes a day, look at something beautiful. Listen to something beautiful. Think of something beautiful, especially so when you're not feeling so well . So, hi folks. We caught something. We're two chicken to take a k. So we're just quarantining.

We're just hunkering down the whole family. We don't know what we have, but it seems like all the other things we've had before. Honestly, like the kids get sick, It starts with, a sore throat and then their eyes get glassy and then it's, uh oh,

[00:00:42] Matt: and then it's really low energy.

[00:00:44] Fawn: Mm. It's just quiet. They get quiet.

Exactly. Low energy, and then you're like, Oh, I'm tired. I'm gonna go. And then it's me staying up all night, cleaning up after everything that gets expelled from these kids all night long. Thank you very much. Matt . Why are you looking away? Like there's somebody else I'm talking to in this room. Oh my God.

Matt, why do you do that? ?

[00:01:11] Matt: Because I don't wanna accept. Yeah. Anyways.

[00:01:15] Fawn: All right. I love you.

[00:01:16] Matt: I know God, but my goodness, I, I try,

[00:01:19] Fawn: geez. I mean, remember the day we used to fight over who gets to change a diaper? Well, changing diapers

[00:01:25] Matt: is cool. That's easy

[00:01:28] Fawn: ish. All right, so anyway, we're not feeling so well, so this is gonna be a little short episode.

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This is not a sad or any kind of sad love story. No, this is a happy thing. This is another baby step (what we can all do to improve our friendships and our zhuzhiness out in the world, and how we can get to the point where we're creating beautiful bonds).

The notebook is one way.

It is a beautiful tool to pay attention to the people we meet to get a good understanding of who they are, what they value, and you know, what cool stuff they like. So it's kind of like doing a portrait of someone; a drawing. So you're really paying attention. And later when you look back on it, it's like a portrait of each person. And let's say it's been 20, 30 years, or a long, you know, so many years or you've moved away, wouldn't it be cool to just look back on it and reflect on the different kinds of personalities you met or you remember what you learned from this person back then?

It gives you a sense of comfort. In a way, it's kind of like a security blanket to have a little notebook. The notebook is an easy key we can all use to help us as we venture off and explore growing our friendship circle.

Fawn and Matt give examples of how precisely the notebook is accomplished.

Reach out to us: https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

The Notebook – TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: The notebook. This is not going to be a sad or any kind of sad love story. No, this is a happy thing. We're gonna tell you about the notebook. It'll be like when we did the baby steps; we did a few episodes of baby steps of what we can all do to improve our friendships and our zhuzhiness out in the world, and how we can get to the point where we're creating beautiful bonds.

The notebook is one way. So here it is, guys. Hello. Welcome back. I'm Fawn.

[00:00:35] Matt: Hello? I'm still

[00:00:37] Fawn: here. This is Matt. One of the other things that I've been turning to lately, because we are in a completely new environment and we've been meeting so many people, really making an effort to not be lazy. Now we're out there and we're making sure that we're not lazy with our SEL skills. Social emotional learning, as well as, the skills you muster up or the courage you muster up when you're meeting people and when you see someone and you wanna become friends friends, or at least spark something , something wonderful, a wonderful conversation, a little, meet cute moment, a feel good moment, whatever it is, right? The notebook comes in handy.

Matt actually has been doing this with beer and other things and other things. . Matt has a beer notebook. So when we moved to Boulder, There were so many beers knobs there, and that's when we got into a crowd of friends.

That was their business. Is that they, what? What did they do? Soma, or how do you say it? Soma, Somal. How do you say

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Case of the missing couch, FedEx, and the opportunity to meet friends; the opportunity to make friends in almost every situation, even situations where it seems like, things are awry. Proof that friendship exists everywhere.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back everybody.

[00:00:01] Matt: Hello,

[00:00:02] Fawn: this is Fawn and Matt. Case of the missing couch and FedEx and the opportunity to meet friends, the opportunity to make friends in almost every situation, even situations where it seems like, things are awry. You all know we moved and we have had so many deliveries.

We had no furniture, we bought furniture and a lot of it was being delivered through FedEx and one very heavy package was lost out in the world. No idea where; nobody knew where it was. Lots of calls to the company we bought it from , lots of calls to FedEx.

Nobody knew. Ultimately it was this FedEx delivery that landed us to this new friendship, friendship that we're telling you about. So what happened was the couch was missing. It was declared, lost. FedEx said, oh, it was delivered to the wrong address . But we don't know where it is now.

I'm like, well, what, what address was it delivered to?

[00:01:11] Matt: Right. Nice and simple.

[00:01:12] Fawn: They wouldn't tell me anyway, one morning I go to bed at 4:30 in the morning because I was unpacking and doing whatever work that needs to be done in this house. And I went to bed at 4:30 and around seven o'clock, seven 30.

Was it seven o'clock Matt?

[00:01:31] Matt: It was around 7.

[00:01:33] Fawn: There's a knock at the door.

[00:01:34] Matt: Boom, boom, boom.

[00:01:34] Fawn: The kids are running upstairs. They're like, there's someone at the door. This man in yellow is at the door. He wants something. And I was thinking, oh my God, another salesperson, like, because

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This is our very first episode in a public place with in-person live conversations at the local coffee shop!!!!!!!!!!!! Wanting to lead by example, Fawn and Matt share their meet-cute moment on their friendships with Marianne, Danielle, and Hillary. This conversation is all about how to notice the magic, being brave enough to see people, say "Hello" and go further by sparking conversation, creating friendship, and continuing friendship when you come to points of disagreement, learning from those disagreements, and developing the art of a strong friendship.

Fawn, Matt, Marianne, Danielle, and Hillary share how they all met and prove how the world is a small town and you are surrounded by friendship.

To reach out to us, please go to:

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

TRANSCRIPT:

The Earth Is A Small Town

[00:00:00] Fawn: The earth is a small town and everybody's your friend. And I dare say, even now with everything that's going around in the world, Uhhuh what's, what's going on in the world. It is still as true as ever that the earth is a small town.

And everybody's your friend. Seriously.

[00:00:20] Matt: Yeah, but what's this racket and I keep hearing around us.

[00:00:23] Fawn: Okay. Hi everybody. We are back. This is our first time out in the wild unmasked, even and we are out, we are at a coffee shop in the most, one of the most beautiful places on the planet. We moved Matt and I moved here we are.

And this is what happens. The show is more about the art of the start and throughout the last two and a half years, talking to you all, I kind of deep down felt like a hypocrite, talking about friendship and going out there and creating bonds and meeting friends and developing and nurturing friendships

when we were sitting all by our lone sums in our kitchen, talking about it. Hey, so here we are. And we're gonna tell you how we did. So here's what happened. It was the power of a coupon. Matt had a coupon for a coffee shop. I had

[00:01:21] Matt: a, how many years I had a gift card, two

[00:01:23] Fawn: years, two years. You had a coupon for coffee two years.

It was in his wallet.

[00:01:30] Matt: So just as the pandemic broke, and one of the things that convinced us that this pandemic might not be a joke was I was gonna go meet with Amazon in Colorado. And I was gonna go to their offices and they were gonna do their spiel and giv

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Why it's so important to end things on a proper note so that you can have a great new beginning; from friendships to jobs, to moving to a new place.

How You End is How You Begin

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello?

[00:00:01] Matt: Hello?

[00:00:02] Fawn: Hi. Oh, so bears trucks, neighbors, wire transfers, bears documents. It has been

[00:00:12] Matt: nuts. What a long, strange

trip it's been

[00:00:15] Fawn: This talk today is inspired by one of our friends. Who reminded us a couple years ago, really like to really think about it. Something we've always thought about. Like, I, I never, for this very reason, I'm just about to explain.

I never, did the normal thing for like new year's Eve and stuff like that because how you end is how you begin. So I never, I. Well, sometimes I did but like sometimes I did, but like I never cursed the year before and said nuts to you, 2020 yay. For 2020, you know, 20, 21 or whatever the

[00:00:56] Matt: right.

You know? Yeah. Yeah. Why do you blasting the old while praising this completely unknown new?

[00:01:02] Fawn: So Heather who was on our show a while, while back. Heather the advisor, she brought up this phrase of how you end is how you begin. So how you begin is connected directly linked to how you ended something.

So folks, we finally did it.. We moved, we moved, we moved far away to another part of the planet. And we made sure ceremonial in all ways that we definitely ended things on a note that was. Clear. How would you say it? Mind you we're both still exhausted. We're still deep in the thick of a move and I think last night was the first time we slept in, in a real bed, in a real bed

in over a month and a half.

[00:01:56] Matt: No.

[00:01:57] Fawn: Yes,

[00:01:57]

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A toast: "Here's to those who wish us well, and those who don't can go to hell."

**Don't let those turkeys get you down. I love turkeys. You know, when we talk about people we don't like and we compare them to pigs or cows or turkeys, it makes me sad because I love all these animals.

What's a good word to describe people who just get you down, the ones who take you away from your good path? I'm not talking about your good friends. This episode is dedicated to our loving people that go around, go about their lives, walk their walk, and are in some ways, accosted by people who totally try to throw you off. Sometimes it comes in the form of random chatter and if you hear enough of this chatter, it can really mess you up. This is a fix for all that stuff.**

Party Poopers

Good

[00:00:01] Fawn: morning.

[00:00:02] Matt: Hello.

[00:00:02] Fawn: Good afternoon. Good evening. Hello to the world. Hello, our beautiful friends. Don't let the turkeys get you down. Don't let those turkeys get you down. I love turkeys. You know, when you talk about people and you compare them to pigs or cows or turkeys, it makes me sad because I love all these animals.

What's a good word to describe people who just get you down. Who take you away from your good path? I'm not talking about your good friends. I'm and I'm talking to all of our goodhearted people, right? I'm talking about our loving people that go around, go about their lives, walking their walk, and you're in some ways, accosted by people

who totally try to, throw you off. I don't know if it's intentional. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's not, sometimes it's just the way they are. And if you hear enough of this chatter, it can really mess you up.

[00:01:04] Matt: Call 'em party poopers.

[00:01:06] Fawn: Oh yeah. Party

[00:01:07] Matt: poopers. Every party has a pooper. That's why we invited you party pooper. Oh my God. Okay. Oh, oh, wait. That was a song. Oh. Oh, hope we don't get in trouble for

that. Oh,

[00:01:15] Fawn: So for example, I'm a yoga teacher, but

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Goethe said "he who cannot draw on 3000 years is living hand to mouth." We explore our history and think about this quote by Goethe as we wrap our ethics series. We explore so much, including Goethe, the four ideals, prosperity, the satisfaction of desires, moral duty, spiritual perfection, Lao Tzu, "Tao te Ching," living simply and honestly, the idea of reciprocity and much more.

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Yuhoo hello? Hello? Are

[00:00:04] Matt: we ready? Oh my goodness. Yes. So here we are. We're back to talk about ethics. Oh my God. Again, um, we're gonna try to wrap it up though, which, which of course, you know, seeing is how we're literally at, uh, one CE or one common era. Ad for you folks who didn't grow up with it.

There is an awful lot going on. In point of fact, Goethe said "he who cannot draw on 3000 years is living hand to mouth."

[00:00:32] Fawn: Okay. Goethe man or woman,

[00:00:35] Matt: man. German man German. He is the man in German, literature.

[00:00:42] Fawn: I always get a little scared with anything Germans.

[00:00:46] Matt: He does. What's his background. We certainly need to touch a little bit on NCHE today.

So that's gonna be really

scary.

[00:00:51] Fawn: Oh my God. Can we make it a quick one today? We're gonna do what we can do. It's like when you're moving, you're like, okay, we have everything in boxes. And then when it really comes down to it, you're like, oh, wait a minute. There's this piece over here, this piece over there.

And you end up just cramming everything into one final box. Right? And I think that's what we're doing today.

[00:01:11] Matt: oh my goodness.

[00:01:12] Fawn: I mean, ethics is a very complicated thing or si

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ethics and the origins of it, understand ethics, bringing it back to how it is affecting our friendships, how it is affecting our society, and basically ultimately our lives. Ethics is philosophical and it deals, it concerns itself with conduct in questions of good and evil in right and wrong.

The definition- Ethical; derived from the Greek word ethos, which means character, and from the word, Mores, which means customs. Together they combine to define how individuals choose to interact with one another.

So let's make things better, create a better world, and try to understand the shenanigans that took place that created the whole basis for ethics.

We also explore Greek and Roman influence on us to this day. What do we do with this information? Understanding how we got where we are now and where we are now is the key. There are a lot of weirdness, differences, and change we need to look at.

Ethics 3 TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello, everybody. Welcome back.

[00:00:01] Matt: Hello

[00:00:02] Fawn: okay. Guess what? We're gonna continue on talking about ethics.

[00:00:06] Matt: Oh dear

[00:00:06] Fawn: ethics and the origins of it. We're gonna break it down little by little baby steps. Oh my goodness. there is a lot of noise outside. Sorry. It's a hot hot day. We have to have the windows open.

You're gonna hear screeching, screeching cars and birds and screeching birds.

[00:00:27] Matt: Exactly.

[00:00:28] Fawn: And as soon as I said that the birds got quiet. Okay. So ethics where it came from. Well, the origins of it, we were starting to little baby steps, little bites, understand ethics, bringing it

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Ethics is that weird branch of philosophy that concerns itself with conduct and questions of good and evil and right and wrong. And those four words good and evil, and right and wrong sound like they should be like, oh yes, good is right. And evil is wrong, but there are always shades of gray in between. You can do an evil act in the cause of right. You can do a good act in the cause of wrong. Welcome to the weird world of ethics and how it touches our friendships.

This episode explores how we can help each other, and how remembering the art of friendship can help you in the midst of the turmoil of ethics, evil, and kindness.

How can you prevail with kindness and not have anything else come into your circle? And just have it be a kind happy world.

Ethics 2 TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back everybody.

[00:00:01] Matt: Hello

[00:00:02] Fawn: hi, good morning. And good evening. Good afternoon. Good all. Good all. All is well. All is

well.

[00:00:12] Matt: So we gonna put our,

[00:00:13] Fawn: no matter what,

[00:00:14] Matt: we're gonna put our college caps on today and talk about ethics.

[00:00:16] Fawn: Yeah,

we started a, we started a thing actually. We're letting you in on really the conversations we have in our kitchen, or when we go out for coffee.

Inevitably. It always turns into the ethical dilemma.

[00:00:33] Matt: I love, I love the game ethical dilemma, because very scary. You can split the hair and all of a sudden somebody's gonna do something god awful.

[00:00:41] Fawn: And it makes me when we play ethical dilemma, it makes me wanna flip the table over. I don't like it. I feel very depressed,

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In philosophy, ethical dilemmas, also called ethical paradoxes or moral dilemmas, are situations in which an agent stands under two conflicting moral requirements, none of which overrides the other. A closely related definition characterizes ethical dilemmas as situations in which every available choice is wrong.

We explore ethics and friendship and how ethics have shaped our society.

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Website: https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

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Fawn and Matt get into the etymology of the word MARTYR and figure out what it means within our various relationships within our culture and society.

**Martyr the original sense of it, which means feeling torn between two conflicting impulses. We explore that sense of conflict within our relationships: work friend vs your own private life friend.

Can you truly be friends with someone that you work with within a total corporate environment? For example, another example of that without being corporate would be, that most cops are not friends with normal citizens.

And then now that we have the world in so much upheaval, we have politics coming into it. Can we be friends with someone who is so politically agitated or so politically distraught or not even distraught, but just so political, as opposed to back in the day, we used just to be friends with everyone.

There is the religious friend as opposed to the friend who is not of a particular religion. because there's that division and it very much centers around core beliefs.

Another conflicting impulse would be people of the opposite sex. Can men and women truly be friends? And what if you're not of a particular identity? What if you're in a relationship as opposed to being single? Can people who are single truly be friends with someone who is in a committed relationship or a marriage?

Can people who have children truly be friends completely with people who don't have children? When we became parents, this was such

When you're dealing with such polarized sensitivities in our culture, right now, it is an issue. It is an issue because people have different sensibilities for different situations and you can't always gel, especially when the world seems like everything is a trigger. At the root of feeling and being a martyr is the feeling of being torn between two conflicting impulses. What's the whole idea of a martyr and how are we being martyrs these days within our relationships, within our society? How can we transform out of this state?**

Transcript - Martyr

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back. Are you guys there? Hello? Hello. Happy every day, no matter what's going on in the world, guys,

[00:00:08] Matt: are we recording

[00:00:09] Fawn: faith? We are recording now. Hi everybody. Welcome.

[00:00:12] Matt: Hello.

[00:00:13] Fawn: Welcome. Welcome. Welcome back. Good every day, no matter what, let's keep the faith. Um,

[00:00:21] Matt: interesting choice

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Music connects and touches us in ways we never thought possible. In this episode, you will learn: 1. How sound affects us physically and emotionally
2. The different ways music can be used as therapy
3. How our bodies react to different types of music

When a music therapist specializing in LGBTQAI+ issues is asked about her work, she reveals the many ways music can be used to transform us, from the personal to the physical.

"Music is simply a vibration. All sound is vibrations created by whatever and they vibrate at different rates and depending on how high or low the note is."

Gray Baldwin is a music therapist with over 25 years of clinical experience working with children, teens, adults, and older adults in behavioral health, medical, and hospital settings, as well as in schools and community music therapy settings. They specialize in queer issues, identity development, acute and chronic pain, trauma, and stress, and teach courses on research, music therapy, medical settings, practicum, supervision, mindfulness, ethics, and culturally responsive practices at several universities and colleges.

Resources:

www.mainstreetmusictherapy.com

gray.baldwin.mt@gmail.com

https://www.thetrevorproject.org

https://pflag.org

https://gsanetwork.org

https://www.glsen.org

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

To find a therapist

https://www.inclusivetherapists.com

Tedtalk about intersex https://www.ted.co

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We are joined by Gray Baldwin, MA, MT-BC as we discuss the importance of identity in our society. Gray explains the definitions of LGBTQAI2+ and we have a heart-to-heart talk about healing. If you are going through stuff, this episode is for you to know you are loved and that you are not alone.

We are cosmic beings, we are infinite, complex, and simple at the same time, we have infinite possibilities within us, we are the universe kind of beings. We are of the light. We are divine. There's no way you can pinpoint a living being into one thing. We are complex and ever-evolving.

And at the same time, I wonder just how important is identity? For me, I feel it's very important to identify my culture, who I am, my skin color, everything, and embrace that and embrace the beauty of that. I have to do that because I feel so discriminated against, that I have to fully embody what I identify with. In another world, in another kind of situation, I would say, why should I? I'm a human being. But at the same, the way I feel is “No, I'm a human being who is of this culture who is of this background.”And it's really important to stick up for where I come from and for who I am and to fully embody that.

Resources:

www.mainstreetmusictherapy.com

gray.baldwin.mt@gmail.com

https://www.thetrevorproject.org

https://pflag.org

https://gsanetwork.org

https://www.glsen.org

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

To find a therapist

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Understanding what kindness actually is, as opposed to respect, means learning how we can use both of these things. And when we can use both of these things in our relationships. The word respect comes from the middle English from Latin respectus which means to look at, to regard. from R E, which means back. And then to that, you add S P E C E R E, which means to look at, so to look back on.

The definition of respect is a relation or reference to a particular thing or a situation and an act of giving particular attention, consideration, like high or special regard, esteem, the quality or state of being esteemed; a positive feeling or action shown towards someone or something considered important or held in high esteem or regard. It conveys a sense of admiration for good or valuable qualities.

Is respect earned or given? Respect is earned, not given suggests that if you want to be respected, you cannot force people to respect you just because you want them to. We aren't obliged to love or respect anyone just because they exist. It's like, You have to go through a series of things to, in a way earn that respect. Whereas kindness is not about earning it. Sometimes you have to be kind to the most hideous person, the most hideous acting person because that's what they need, because we all know that hurt people hurt. People that are in pain want to inflict pain on others. That's all they know. And maybe that's their way of being understood and being heard; when you feel my pain is when you're gonna feel what I'm going through. You will understand me better. It's really messed up, but I think that is unfortunately the way of things in our society.

Let's really look at where it actually stems from this whole disrespect thing really starts the way we are raised as babies, the way that as soon as we're born, we have to be put into daycare the way that we just have to fend for ourselves the way we're told you're out by 18, 18, you're out, you better make your own money. You better be out of here. It's saying that you don't belong to the family, that you have to get the heck out. And I understand having a sense of responsibility and becoming independent, but that's a different issue from saying you need to get out.

It's disrespectful. And we do it with the elders too. We, we put them in daycare. They're no longer part of the family. They're no longer under the same roof for different reasons. One is, you know, because the, the respect from generation to generation is not really considered, and there's no kindness in there, but there's really no respect.

And so, yeah, even when we're not dealing with elders, we barely want to hang out during Thanksgiving. We can barely hang out at a kitchen table these days, because we are so split even more than ever before with our politics, with our right as human beings, as my right, as a woman, totally trampled on by your father.

It's just, there's no listening. There's no understanding. There is no compassion or empathy for something that you may not be experiencing in your own life. And so what I was trying to tell my friend was what gets me mad is these people who have no respect and have no, they have no empathy until they experience the pain for themselves. That's the only time that they may consider another point of view is when theirs their life is. So put on the extreme for them to fully be immersed in what they thought they were against for them to understand it. Whereas you have to realize you don't have to live a certain way to understand someone.

It takes empathy. It take

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We all have a compass needle within us knowing the true north.The direction that points directly toward the geographic north pole. This is a fixed point on the Earth's globe. That is the definition of true north. Like a compass points toward a magnetic field, your personal true north directs your path and pulls you forward to your personal place of perfection.

True north is an awareness of direction. It's a guidance, your orienting point, your fixed point in a spinning world that helps you stay on track. It's your internal compass unique to you and only you, representing who you are at your deepest level. True north is a sense of being at home within yourself. What feels good to you at your core is your true north.

Are we guided by logic? Are we guided by reason? Are we guided by math; by some rationale that makes perfect sense on paper or are we guided by intuition and feeling?

What if the logic and math don't make sense? What if intuition and spiritual guidance that you are asking for is silent? Like, you know, you could be spiritual, you could be religious, you could be whatever. Everyone asks, where am I supposed to go? What is happening? Do I turn right? Or do I turn left? Do I make this decision? Or this decision? What should I do? When you ask, you get that inner knowing of what to do, but what happens when you don't hear anything? It's like a deafening silence. It's a horrible feeling when you can't feel that guidance, when you don't hear or reply to your request. It leaves you with a feeling of being deeply alone. You can be surrounded by people. You can be in the midst of crowds, you know, and feel like you have friends and still feel this way.

As we travel in various directions, we use discernment and knowing at our core to actualize our path in life, by tuning to this true north, we feel our power. We feel centered. And we are attuned to our surroundings and to our global cosmic family, which brings us to the art of friendship and true north.

Physically being where you're supposed to be is just as important as being somewhere spiritually, being somewhere emotionally as you're true north. So finding the true north and the quest for deeper connection; connection with people, connection with where you're stepping, where you're walking on the earth, connection with the planet, connection with the universe; where are you in it?? How can we reconnect with that? How can we get to that place? For me also, going back to the art of friendship, true north is truly the connection to our global family.

It's even more important right now to find your inner true north and connect with your true, true Norths, which are your, your family members that bring you comfort and bring you strength. And so this is the quest today; to find that deeper connection.

As we navigate our lives, we experience unknowns. Change is not easy. It's a muscle you have to use and you have to work out. That's why, when, like we have so many people in our lives that are so old and rigid, you know, like Bruce Lee always said, was it Bruce Lee? Who said, be like bamboo, don't be like an Oak tree because bamboo will sway with the wind. But the Oak will break. We can go back to the teachings of Aikido, to be like water. You have to move and conform and change and yourself; mold yourself as you go through, you have to bend, you have to go with the flow and when you don't and this is with ideas, this is with just working out your body. This is with emotions. It's all of that. You have to constantly be with the flow. That's why surfers are so cool because every wave that comes is different and they can ride it instead of being swallowed up by it. And when they do get swallowed up by it, they come back and they ride the next. It's good bec

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The whole sense of comfort and having a friend who is your witness in life is that there is a treasure in when you and a friend are not on equal footing when they are not in the thick of things that you're in the midst of. There's a balance. This is a balancing gift. This is one of the many ways the action of comfort can really be felt. Sometimes when friends are not equal, one tends to assume, especially in the beginning when one friend may assume that you're weak or you don't know how to do something because you may not be in that exact state of mind to be showing your expertise. So then they take the role of “I know better” and they assume the role of mentor. And so these roles get established. As time goes on, you develop ways in which you can unfold in front of one another, and you can see your gifts and you can see as time goes on, that one person is strong one moment, the other person is weak and then it flips. It's the turning of the world. It's the rising and setting of the sun. It's the same way with our lives and our experiences and our friendships. Our relationships are like that.

Oftentimes you get put in a situation where you're emotionally connected and you're not thinking through things clearly and logically and the other person, your friend can see more clearly, and while they're emotionally connected to you personally, they're not emotionally connected to your problem at the moment. So they can see things more objectively and you're more apt to listen to them because you do have the emotional connection to them so they can help dig you out of your hole. It's one of the few cases where logic can't get you out of a place that emotion has gotten you into.

Sometimes it's enough to hit the pause button on your life for 15 minutes. And then jump back into it with a renewed sense and an understanding that the earth is still spinning around the sun. It's still spinning around the universe and everything. It's good to actually get back to that sense of perspective because sometimes it is just that the dishwasher broke where that seems like such an enormous ginormous unsolvable problem, but really, it's good to have somebody remind you that everything has a solution. This is where comfort comes in; how our friendships are a source of comfort.

So let's get into the definition of comfort: from the 13th century, the meaning is to cheer up, console, soothe, to soothe when in grief or trouble; to help, to strengthen. The noun, which originated if you look at the etymology of it, circa 1200 is the feeling of relief in affliction or sorrow, solace, pleasure, and enjoyment. To solace is to help; to strengthen. And isn't that what we do for each other?

From old English word in the same sense was frofor, meaning the state of enjoyment resulting from the satisfaction of bodily wants and freedom from anxiety. And then there's the middle English meaning, which means strength, support encouragement.

Dictionary.com defines comfort as a verb to soothe, console, reassure, and bring cheer to. And then the noun is the relief in affliction consolation solace.

So what is comfort? Psychologist, Kolcaba, talked about three elements of comfort that revolves around relief, ease, and transcendence.

Tune in to this episode on how we can find comfort on our own and within our relationships.

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

https://w

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**There are three types of friends. There are those people who are friends with you because they get stuff from you. There are those people who are friends with you because of the way you make them feel. And there are the people who just love you. Okay. Those would be the three types of friends and obviously, we would love and if every single one of our friends was quote-unquote type three, who loves us, just cuz.
So how do we figure this out?

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/**

https://www.facebook.com/FriendlyWorldPodcast

https://www.instagram.com/befriendlyworld/

https://twitter.com/FriendleeBe

https://www.linkedin.com/in/fawn-anderson-5139431a6/

How to Tell What Kind of Friend You Have - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Enjoying your coffee?

[00:00:06] Matt: Maybe a little.

[00:00:07] Fawn: Hi, good morning. Good morning over here, where we are right now. Good evening. Good afternoon. And hello everyone. How are you? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Ah, welcome back everybody. So, how do you know, how do you know, what kind of friend you have, Matt??

[00:00:26] Matt: How do you know? Well, first,

[00:00:28] Fawn: well, first of all, Matt always has a way to spot things out immediately. And then when you ask and then he'll like tell you the most messed up stuff about someone that you think, well, I think is okay, cause I have this Disney or Pollyanna version of the world. And then he'll whisper to me later.

How this person is

[00:00:51] Matt: no good.

Uh, sometimes, sometimes not,

[00:00:54] Fawn: well,

some, well, I'm just saying like the times I've been totally shocked by your assessment within a few seconds. And the weird thing is you're right. How do you do it? And then when I ask you for advice, you never have anything for

me,

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Did you know that our cells, (the cells in our bodies) create light? Science today is telling us that even our cells emit light when they perform their functions. Neurons in the brain and spinal nerves have been found to produce photons. Photons are tiny particles of light that influence our very atomic structure when they send impulses to each other. They're communicating through light! "The Energy Codes" by Dr. Sue Morter. A little quote that actually blends into what we're talking about today, about authenticity. A quote from the book:

"The key to a fully empowered experience of life is embodying the energy that you are." When I read that to me, I get, to live fully, you have to be fully yourself. Don't hide. Don't try to edit yourself because you're afraid, afraid of not having this friend, or afraid of not having the job.

Also, what is the difference between authentic and genuine?

We discuss 4 keys to noticing the authenticity in yourself and others.

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

https://www.facebook.com/FriendlyWorldPodcast

https://www.instagram.com/befriendlyworld/

https://twitter.com/FriendleeBe

https://www.linkedin.com/in/fawn-anderson-5139431a6/

TRANSCRIPT

The Art of Authenticity

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back.

[00:00:01] Matt: Hello?

[00:00:01] Fawn: Hello. How can I thank you for listening and come across in the way that I really feel in my heart. How do I do that? Would that not sounding authentic? How do I do that?

[00:00:13] Matt: Uh, yes, authenticity is in a challenging place for me right now. I happen to be, uh, uh, interviewing with different companies.

So that's always a tricky thing. Tricky

spot

[00:00:25] Fawn: I'm in a tricky spot with it myself, because I was being my normal self. I'm an open book and with a friend, if something bothers me, I talk about it in a gentle way. And I felt like the person wasn't hearing me. So I went to the next person in our little tiny circle.

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***The Japanese aesthetic principle embraces the imperfect and impermanent nature of all things; recognizing beauty in the flawed, the incomplete, and the broken.

Beauty can be found beneath the imperfect surface. (I repeat) Beauty can be found beneath the imperfect surface. Wabi-Sabi W A B I - S A B I Wabi-Sabi is the Japanese aesthetic principle that embraces the imperfect and impermanent nature of all things. Recognizing beauty in the flawed, the incomplete, and the broken; the beauty of imperfection, the beauty of quote-unquote imperfection, the understanding and appreciation, and respect

for, or of the transience, the imperfection, as we see it and recognizing the beauty of it all. That's Wabi-Sabi.

Wabi-sabi stems from the Buddhist understanding of three life principles. One is impermanence. Two is, suffering. Three is emptiness or absence,

but the meaning over time has transformed into finding joy in solitude, appreciating nature, lauding, old-age wisdom, accepting that things come and go, and loving them honestly, and deeply while they last. Wabi-Sabi recognizes that nothing lasts forever. And so it is rare and beautiful.

Some of the traits include modesty, subtle grace, acceptance,

earthiness and peacefulness. We can find wabi-sabi and everything. We can find it in aesthetics like when things are not symmetrical when there's asymmetry happening, that's wabi-sabi. You can find wabi-sabi in poetry. Every word is chosen after careful consideration and carries multiple meanings and intentions. You can find wabi-sabi in pop culture

when you are seeking the not so perfect.

As we, take in wabi-sabi and friendship, let's first look at how to ground ourselves and appreciate our lives as they are; as is; the big dreams, the big plans for the future, and every worry. Appreciate where you are right now. How can we do that? How can you appreciate where you are. That's part of wabi-sabi. Stop worrying about being so perfect.

It can block you. It can block you if you're trying to write a book. It blocks you in the art that you create. It blocks you from starting a brand new, beautiful journal when you are afraid to make one mark because you are seeking that perfection and you will end up not making any marks at all. And then if you do make all the perfect marks, does that really show your personality?

Does that really show the feeling, the emotion of basically all the things that you need when you're creating art?

Stop boring about being so perfect. It blocks you.

Highlighting the importance of every moment, even the hardships.

Accept things as they are, and as they *come. ***Appreciate your life where it is now and work towards your goals from there.

Strive for excellence, but don't get caught up in perfectionism.

Live your own perfect life with all its precious imperfections.

It sounds like I'm telling you what to do. Really. I'm telling myself what to do right now because we're in the midst of such a limbo that this is why we're talking about what we're talking about today because it's a lesson that I had to make myself sit down and bring to use. Appreciating what doesn't seem so great.***

Transcript: Wabi Sabi Friend

[00:00:00] Fawn: Brilliant moment. It was a brilliant moment for you.

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The etymology of "Voice" is explored, plus...why we're so divided as a society, as a country, as a dot dot dot... (fill in the blank). Matt, talks about the techie side of things, how tech is responsible, how it contributed to the division that we're experiencing, and something he found out that is very interesting about the structure of our government that's led to this division, and Fawn's thoughts on why the division exists and how she thinks it's a tool to keep people disempowered. We turn to Ruth Jefferson from Voice of the Middle Ground and speak with her about the state of our society and discuss the art of building community and connections to build a better way.

Transcript

The Middle Ground

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hi, welcome back everybody. Welcome to our friendly world. Hello?

[00:00:04] Matt: Hello hello!.

[00:00:06] Fawn: We're here. We have a new friend to introduce you to today. Yeah, we do. Before we get into introducing you to this beautiful new friend in your life, I was looking at etymology of certain words again, and I looked up the word voice;

The sound made by the human mouth with, see, I don't like it when people or definitions always go to the human being. They don't think that other creatures on the planet have voice.

[00:00:37] Matt: Right, right, right. Like my buddy growing up, they had a, they had a parrot that could mimic the mother's

voice.

[00:00:43] Fawn: Is this the racist parrot or the racist duck? There was a racist duck,

[00:00:46] Matt: racist duck. And actually, uh, actually the parrot was racist too.

[00:00:50] Fawn: Okay. Fantastic. All right. So. Late 13th

century.

[00:00:55] Matt: Maybe we should actually describe why, as opposed to just letting that go.

[00:00:59] Fawn: What do you mean? Okay.

[00:01:00] Matt: It's because they had a neighbor, Bill who

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This episode is on the art of the empty cup in many ways. We begin with the breath. So many times we're told to BREATHE! This may be advice that may be causing you more distress. The true way is to NOT TAKE the breath, but ALLOW the breath. This "allowing" works not only with the art of breath, but the art of friendship, and the art of life and creating a happy and fulfilling life.

Baby Step - Allowing for Emptiness to Fill the Cup

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back to our friendly world. Hi everyone. Welcome back. Bonjour! Hello. Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Remember we used to go through the whole spiel when we first started recording. Anyway. Hi everyone. Welcome back. We have a baby-step for you today, a short, quick one. You ready? A baby step towards a better friendship, a better society.

Are you ready? Okay, it's funny. How, um, I'm just going to get into it. All right. Here it is. Are you ready? Ready? Ready? Here it is. Don't take the breath. Allow the breath. It's interesting. How things come? I was so turned off by the whole yoga world. I was teaching it. I was teaching yoga. I was so done with the environment and the white fragility, I saw that I just, I had to be away from that group, but yoga has been so coming back into my life and I know that I'm going to be teaching again on a massive scale. I've been getting these messages, this one, guess where the message came from. I'll just tell you.

You'll never guess it. Well, first of all, I want to, okay. I'll tell you for us where it came from, it came from The Society of Children's Book Authors. They're called SC BWI society of children's book authors. There was an author that was speaking. Her name is Meg Fleming, so lovely.

So she was saying that someone was telling her this. It was beautifully woven into the lesson of the day, talking about writing children's books, but that was the message. Don't take the breath, allow the breath. I'm going to get into that in just a second, but I want to say it's really interesting how artists and artists and by artists, I mean, I include the whole family painters, writers,

singers musicians, photographers, you know, the whole crew.

[00:02:10] Matt: Right.

I thought you actually meant our family, which is apropos as well.

[00:02:14] Fawn: It's all family, but yeah. one of the classes I was taking with Vanessa, Vanessa Brentley-Newton, who is a beautiful friend of our show, a beautiful friend in our family, one of the classes I took with her one day.

She was saying, you know, like when you draw, sometimes you can get really tense holding the pen or the pencil or the tool in your hand. Right. And sometimes it's even hard to draw a straight line because you're so intent on perfection or whatever you get so tight. And I remember her saying specifically, and she's she spoke a

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We're all encoded with spectacular gifts, your fabulousness, your greatness translates wherever you go.

The BEAUTIFUL Vanessa Brantley-Newton is back, this time with her BRILLIANT husband Ray! They join us from their vacation in Paris, France, and share their adventures, experiences, wisdom, and advice for life, travel, food, love, art, and how to respectfully and lovingly travel the earth.

We love connecting with Vanessa and Ray. Join us as we discuss ways our fabulousness translates wherever we go. The world is a small town and it is so good to connect!

How is it that even though we may not speak the same language, we can completely understand each other?

Is it possible that we all have encoded something in our hearts that can translate for us and enable us to communicate, transcending words? Are there codes that we can access through sacred geometry in our bodies that when we assume a specific posture, can change the way we communicate and the way others are able to understand our inner nature?

Vanessa Brantley-Newton on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/vanessabrantleynewton/?hl=en

https://www.vanessabrantleynewton.com/

Vanessa's Ted Talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuMBHSZf32c

**Magasin Sennelier, the art store,

the Louvre;

store in New York called Pearl Paint, the original store on Canal Street,**

**Maison Bossier https://www.magasinsennelier.art/en/

the Les Frenchies https://lesfrenchiestravel.com/

the power pose**

TRANSCRIPT – The French Connection With Vanessa and Ray

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello, welcome to our friendly world, everyone. Okay, look, look, look, look, look okay if you can't, if you can't see me. Listen, listen, listen, listen to this. And if you can't, if you can't understand the words that I'm saying, like you speak another language.

If you can't speak the same language, I want you to feel me out. Just feel me out. I have a message for you. Most of you listening know where the message came from. Where was I when I got the message? Nevermind. Don't say it, but you all know the one room where I receive messages, my guidance of what I'm supposed to do comes and it came today.

And I'm so happy to share today with you because we have two beautiful guests. I'm so excited. I've been giggly since we found out yesterday

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Sharing stories is the key to bonding. We explain the difference between sharing and telling a story. Then we get to the bad sharing which is another kind of storytelling/sharing (gossip) that destroys our bond, and we use Twitter as an example of how our society has lost the ability to connect. In this episode, we have a solution to bring us back together again. There is a way out of this. There is a way to have a better life, to have a beautiful society. And it's not as hard as you think. You don't have to figure out how to move mountains. You just have to sit in simplicity

Twitter, #gossip, #bonding, #connection, #storytelling, #misinformation, #crazy, #stupid, #the art of friendship, #land of Shinar, #The story of Babel, #Tower of Babel, #fragmentation, #confirmation bias,

TRANSCRIPT

The Gossipy Friend
[00:00:00] Fawn: Yay for us. Hi everybody. Yay for us, meaning all of us together listening right now. Hi everyone. Guess what? I was partaking in a very boring conversation yesterday
[00:00:15] Matt: was
[00:00:15] Fawn: that with me? You were there, but you were not the reason for the boredom, but you were. I think we were all contributing to the boredom because neither side wanted to talk about anything.
Because one side lives and believes radically different than ours. All this
[00:00:32] Matt: would be yes, yes. The call
[00:00:34] Fawn: with family
[00:00:35] Matt: family.
[00:00:36] Fawn: So as the conversation was being had on speakerphone and the whole family's at the table, I must admit that I was zoning out ( Matt exclaims sarcastically) and we are surrounded by boxes in our kitchen, at the moment, there was one box that was in front of me and it had in big, big letters "BELONG", like belong B E L O N G. And I started to play like, oh, what other words can I make out of belong? And so I realized with belong, you can create "ONE GLOBE". We all belong to one globe. So I was tripping out on that, the whole conversation; one global. Am I the only one tripping out on that?
Isn't that great?!?!
Anyway,
[00:01:20] Matt: you know, actually, nevermind.
[00:01:21] Fawn: No, go ahead.
[00:01:22] Matt: Well, I wrote a computer program because that's what I do. And I programmed peoples, I programmed all of the house names of the house into it. And as it turns out, if I scramble up the letters in ALLEGRA, it actually spells like a genus of birds or something random.
I mean, it's weird. Yeah, nobody else's full names came out to
anything, but,
[00:01:43] Fawn: but collectively our names come to "FAME".
[00:01:46] Matt: Well, that's the first letter of each
[00:01:48] Fawn: that's as complex as I can get.
[00:01:50] Matt: I understand.
Oh my God. I should get all the letters together. Scramble them up.
[00:01:56] Fawn: Okay. Stop. So we digress. We have digressed even before we have started, we have a really good show today.
Oh, well, you know, show we have a really important topic we want to talk about. We're really eager to get into. So I'm going to start. And then Matt, you come in. Okay. Matt is covering his mouth cause I told them don't you interrupt me? Let me, let me get my thoughts out first because I am the Chewbacca. I can't play games with people. If you interrupt me, or if you disagree with me or if you win, I get really mad, I, I can't function after that in a normal way.
Matt is looking away. All right. So here we go. Initially, we were going to talk about the, what did we call it initially? The title we were going to use
[00:02:47] Matt: "The Disagreeable Friend" ,
[00:02:48] Fawn: "The Disagreeable Friend" , and as we were delving into it, I realized, oh my goodness, this goes back to what we learned some years ago that, people get labeled as crazy or stupid.
Right? When you are no longe

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Let's look at the word, the concept, and the root of Ikigai, which is about giving everyday meaning and joy. Let's look at the Ikigai. The word Ikigai comes from Iki meaning, life and gai, meaning, value.

Ikigai can be interpreted as the values in your life that make it worth living. We're going to talk about how that relates to work, in the corporate world, in the business world, and most importantly, how that works in our lives; with our friendships with our families, with the joy in life. This episode is about Ikigai, joy, happiness, life purpose, how we see the world, Who and What we love, how we make a difference, where we excel, passion, values, possibilities, gifts, the value in life, the art of finding true friendship, the art of friendship, and moving towards a meaningful life.

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Ceremony, what does it really mean? What is it? What is a daily ceremony? It's an intentional routine that's connected with how you start, how you move through, or how you end your day, the goal of ceremony is to be aware of time passing, but not to stress out about it;to observe it and notice that it counts. The little things in life, count.

Why do we have ceremony? They make life's, essential moments. They may reflect our beliefs, hopes, our traditions, culture, and spirituality. It's a way to bring people together and provide a sense of belonging. A ritual is defined by psychologists as a predefined sequence of symbolic actions.

Rituals make us less anxious. Ritualistic practices can help to bring a degree of predictability to an uncertain future. They convince our brains of constancy. It brings about a sense of predictability.

TRANSCRIPT

The Art of Ceremony

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hi, welcome back. We've got a good one for you today. Folks. We've got a great one for you today. Folks. Welcome back everybody to our friendly world. Today we're talking ceremony and I have a whole thing I'm going to go through and Matt's probably going to get mad at me because that's what he does. He has his notes.

I guarantee you I've become divergent. So I'm going to start first. And then Matt, you're just going to have to like flow with it. Here we go. The art of ceremony, ceremony as a work of art, I'm here to comfort you. We're here to comfort you, the opposite of people saying; I'm going to challenge you to something.

So today I'm going to comfort you with something it's the opposite of, I'm going to challenge you to do something because we all have enough that we're challenged by. Thank you very much. We're challenged enough, taxed enough, overworked, overtired, overdone, We need comfort. There's so much out there

that could seem so out of control. Like you have the feeling the sense that there's no rhyme or reason to anything that the world is crazy, if you look at it through the news, or if you listen to certain people. Life can seem out of control, like there's no sense to anything.

For us, we just went through a ceremony of the end of life ceremony. Matt's mother passed away. And so I'm looking at Matt's dad and I got an email from your brother, basically saying, you know, this is what dad's been going through. Over the years he's felt a sense of losing control.

He gave me a whole list of things that your dad has lost control of. in life, with his body, with just everything in life and that's his perception, right? We all can look at life and we can see things differently depending on how we look at it. What is our thought form? What is our belief system?

Our belief systems can create a whole other life from one incident to another. So today we're talking about the art of ceremony and how ritual, ceremony, all of that can really help us with friendship, with feeling connected with turning our lives around and creating the life that we really want.

So I looked at the etymology of first ceremony, and then it led me thr

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It was about the ceremony. It was about the experience. It was about the grief. It was about the, it was about my mom. It wasn't about these random people. I don't care really don't care. And honestly, don't care. So that's me, but just be careful with your words out there folks. Cause the problem is, is my dad said you are a disappointment, not that very disappointing or I'm disappointed that you're not coming.

He said you are a disappointment. Because that's his attempt to define my entire being versus defining an action. So just be careful, be careful at work. I was told very early on by somebody who wasn't particularly wise, but God, he nailed this one. You never say, you know, Bad. You say the work you did today was bad because it's inherently different.

You're not ascribing value to the person you're ascribing value to the work the person produces. It's entirely different.

This episode is about the friends who are disappointed; the people you can't please, and how to follow your own guidance in life.

TRANSCRIPT

Fawn: I have things on my mind, and I don't want to lose it because yesterday I said, let's talk about this on the show with, with, with the outbursts that I have been having that I was holding in for a few days. So let's get going before I lose my nerve or just lose it, like whatever. I don't know.

Um, all right. If you're about a quick, hello, you're bound to disappoint everybody at some point. So don't worry about. When people say they're disappointed in you, that disappointed friend, not only that today is not about the disappointing friend or, um, well, maybe disappointing friend that could be you.

We're going to use ourselves as an example to talk about what we're talking about today to really convey the message out there that you're bound to disappoint others in life. Okay. It has very little to do with you is, is my understanding, because I'll tell you the whole thing and we're going to use ourselves as the example.

Matt is leaning back and kind of bracing himself because it's mostly about him today. Um, bear with me. So it's not just the disappointed friend. It is the self-absorbed friends, the distraught friend, the born. Okay. I'm going to put this in quotes, "born of an older generation" friend, the "stuck in the old way" friend. Here we go. So, like I said, living life, living your authentic life, living, what you think is right for you and your immediate surroundings from your perspective, no one else can see your perspective, but you, so when you make decisions based on that, and it's not to say that you don't you're, uh, you're not

caring about other people or other situations, you know, most of us are. And that's what makes some decisions so gut wrenching, that's why certain situations in life are so hard. And you waste a lot of time going back and forth because you do see the other perspective, but no one very few people, especially these days have the capacity to put themselves in your shoes and really understand where you're coming from to have compassion, not only for themselves, but for you and why you're making the decisions that you're making.

Saying that that's one of the reasons why people get disappointed when you realize really you are responsible for your life, you are responsible for the decisions that you make. You are responsible for seeing your perspective and you have to live by that. And there are consequences. So what does that really mean?

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How can a compliment open the doors to friendship or even save someone's life? We discuss in this episode of "The Art of the Compliment" as we understand the ways to establish joy, kindness, and sincerity and see how a compliment is an invitation to a beautiful friendship. What is the difference between COMPLIMENT and COMPLEMENT? We discuss this question and much more.

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: you complete me Hello? Hello. Hello. Welcome back. Are you ready for a very intense, not intense in a negative way, but an in depth topic, a topic I'm actually going to teach a course on

[00:00:14] Matt: super serious.

[00:00:16] Fawn: It's not super serious, but it has a lot of moving parts and it's quite deep actually.

[00:00:22] Matt: Would you

it more nuanced?.

[00:00:23] Fawn: I don't like that word, but it's the art of the compliment.

[00:00:32] Matt: Oh, dear.

[00:00:32] Fawn: Much like when you come into our home and all of the different homes we've had since the big house we used to own that, you know, through the pitfalls of society, went to hell and ever since then, we've been so gunshy. Ugh, gunshy. We've been so resistant on owning property ever again because of what happened in the financial crisis some years ago, that is, seems to be happening again.

But whatever, we've moved a lot since then, and it's never been a place that's been ours, it's been some rentals and some of them have been ugly, depressing, just ugly , gray. It started with the first apartment we had after we lost the house.

it was Valentine's day. We've said this story before. Sorry, but quick refresher. It was Valentine's day. Matt had this job with this horrible person there that was stressing him out so much. It was awful. It was horrible. It was Valentine's day. And. I was teaching our little, little, little girls and I decided, all right, let's do an art project.

We cut hundreds of hearts out of different kinds of paper, different colors, everything. And then I got like sewing thread and I attached them to the hearts and I hung them on the ceiling.

I taped them on the ceiling in the entryway. So when Matt came home, he had to walk through this hall of hearts. So many hearts and they were low enough where his

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We discuss the art of conversation as the basis for the art of friendship, as we share three main components for conversing (Invite Insight Incite). We explore social-emotional learning and how we can feel and dance together no matter how difficult the topic of conversation or the particular life situation we may be in.

conversation, #Invite, #Invitation, #Insight, #Incite, #TheArtofConversation, #Social-emotionalLearning, #Theartoffriendship, #ESL

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome

back to our friendly world, everyone.

[00:00:03] Matt: Hello

[00:00:04] Fawn: Reflecting on the art of friendship, we are starting a conversation on the art of conversation. I'm gonna start with some definitions. First, obviously conversation. Let's look at that.

It's a noun the use of speech for informal exchange of views, ideas or information simple. Right?

[00:00:25] Matt: Sounds like

it.

[00:00:26] Fawn: Well, you know, I always try to have conversation, but you really have to get a feel for what's going on and you have to get a feel for what the person is going through and where they stand in life.

Do they have a very strong core, a strong sense of self. I wanna say that previous generations didn't have that, or they didn't have that once they started experiencing a lot of other stresses, a lot of other things that would cause them to stretch, for example, having children or just, you know, Obviously with having children, it causes you to be thinking of other people and having your lives have this inter dance back and forth.

I'm just talking about this because everything you're going through with your family right now, right? Your mom is passing. People under duress or under stress.

Start misbehaving and there's no. Oh, here we go. Matt's going to start. Um, no, well, I'm keep it easy. The apologia starts coming in. So, you know, when you're speaking with someone, they don't hear what you're saying. When you speak to a crowd, when you're speaking to one person, they only can understand through a filtered process

of their own experiences in life for them to understand what you're saying. So they're not hearing what you are saying. They're hearing only from their perspective. So for example, if they're used to looking at certain shades of blue all the time,

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Our Kindness expert, Barry Lane is back to remind us that "Kindness is Truth, Kindness is Freedom."

Barry soothes our nerves with his sweet songs (two new songs as we record live in Barry's studio - the second song is way at the end, so make sure you catch it) and words of wisdom as we navigate a possible WWIII, Civil War, life... and shows us HOPE and reminds us that everything is going to be OK.

There are two new songs as we record live in Barry's studio - the second song is way at the end, so make sure you catch it.

Barry: https://forcefieldforgood.com/

Barry's book:

https://www.amazon.com/Force-Field-Barry-Colleen-Mestdagh/dp/1931492298/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491102856&sr=8-1&keywords=force+field+for+good+barry+lane

Transcript

[00:00:00] Matt: Um, yeah. So how am I doing well? Um, yeah, um, challenging, um, to be honest, uh,

[00:00:08] Barry: what's going on?

[00:00:09] Matt: Yeah... So my mom right now is in hospice, so she's transitioning and I'm not dealing with it. Well, So an episode on kindness is going to be especially kind of challenging for me. Um, one of my favorite shows, which shouldn't be one of my favorite shows, but it is; it's "After Life" with Ricky Gervais , which is about a man who loses his wife and is falling over the whole time.

And the only time he cries um, in the show, cause he's, he's, he's a, he's just an ass to everyone. Like he has so much hate and so much rage and so much, and he just doesn't care anymore. And he's like, and he starts crying and they're like, oh, don't cry. He's like, it's not the world I have a problem with it's kindness

I can't handle.

[00:00:56] Barry: That's interesting.

[00:00:57] Matt: So when somebody is kind to him, it kind of tears apart, this big ginormous shield he has around him, so he can't be hurt. Um, and that's kind of where my head is at. I'm kind of going bouncing back and forth. Um, you know, my kids, they understand, but don't understand. And, and yeah, it's, it's, it's hard.

It's been, it's been challenging so

[00:01:22] Barry: Is your mom nearby?

[00:01:23] Matt: No, my mom's in C

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Flowers evolve to be attractive to bees so that they can pollinate and they can reproduce themselves, which is if there's a lot of competition in the flower world, this is why you have such stunning orchids. It's because there's so much competition for bees because they can only pollinate so much in a day; the brighter and more colorful flowers attract the bees.
But where did the perception of color come from and why is there such angst about color in our conversation and our lives?

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Color is a wild thing. It comes up a lot. It's very complicated. Yes. We're recording, honey. I I've always been confused by it in photography terms because each color has a certain temperature and it's so scientific. Why are I have so many questions? And we have so many topics I wanted to discuss today, but I'll try to stick it to one.

Stick to one thing, not stick sticking to one thing, but I don't know, is this what started our color conversation? I was telling you about this person that I really like his artwork. I really like on Instagram and I usually don't follow or want to buy paintings. You know, I don't even hang up our own artwork because

be cause I feel like there's so much information and there's so much loudness happening, not loudness as in aesthetics, but loudness as an information and talking that's happening. I feel like the furniture talks to me. I feel like when there's art or a photograph, well, photograph is art, but when there's something on the wall, it's constantly communicating with you and I need some quiet, right.

Because I'm already; bear with me folks, but I already feel like even just sitting, I feel like I'm hearing and understanding, or at least taking part in whatever is happening in the world, I'm hearing it. You know what I mean? Does that sound totally off the wall? I don't want to sound too. Woo.

[00:01:40] Matt: You know, for me as a individual, I don't like wearing logos.

I don't like wearing logos on my shirts. I don't like wearing logos on my jackets. I don't like wearing, you know, let alone a band name on it.

[00:01:54] Fawn: That's because it's talking to other people it's not talking to you. Is it talking to you?

[00:01:58] Matt: The thing is, is that I feel the need then to defend whatever it is I'm wearing.

So like it's like I could never get a tattoo because I'd have to defend that forever.

[00:02:10] Fawn: That's a different subject. What I'm saying is things that speak to you. I guess tattoos are speaking t

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Social penetration was theorized in the seventies by two sociologists trying to figure out how people become friends and attempting to categorize different kinds of classifications of friends. We break down five stages of friendship today to better understand our relationships.

ErwinAltman, #universityofUtah, #DolmasTaylor, #universityofDelaware, #socialpenetrationtheory, #sociology, #orientationphase, #affectversuseffect, #deepfriendships, #relationships, #stablestage, #de-penetrationstage, #conceptofself, #society, #friendship, #spiritualconnection, #socialmedia, #zoom, #exploratoryaffective, #socialexchangetheory, #successproposition, #costsandrewardsofrelationships, #Aristotle'sNicomacheanethics, #cottoncandyfriends

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Hi everybody. Welcome back. Hello. Welcome to our friendly world. Have a beautiful every day. Are you having a beautiful day, a beautiful evening. Beautiful afternoon. Um, do it. Hi everyone. So Matt, Matt's going to kick it off today with a horrible, horrible, nasty title.

[00:00:26] Matt: Thanks for that

[00:00:27] Fawn: I mean, you didn't make it up, but go figure the patriarchy did, right? From the what? 1950s, seventies, 1970s. Same difference.

[00:00:37] Matt: Seventies was a very different time than the fifties.

[00:00:39] Fawn: So who are these guys? Erwin Altman of the university of Utah. And Dolmas Taylor of the university of Delaware. We have no idea how these guys knew each other.

Were they friends? I don't know. Do you know? Absolutely.

[00:00:53] Matt: But they were researchers. Yes.

[00:00:56] Fawn: Sociologists. So check it out, guys. Take it away.

Matt,

[00:00:59] Matt: social penetration theory.

[00:01:02] Fawn: ewe.

[00:01:03] Matt: Yeah, exactly.

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When is it OK to be quiet? When someone is hurting, is it OK to be quiet? When you know there is injustice, do you go about your day and just focus on yourself? If you lived in Europe before WWII and you noticed your friends and neighbors disappearing, would you go about your business and think, "Oh well, I am going to focus on my own breath and well-being and that is the outside world I have no control of"?????

In our previous episode, our guest kept saying that we are not responsible for the world and that we are only responsible for ourselves. I TOTALLY DISAGREE. Although I know it is essential for a person to be well centered and strong in order to help others, I feel that we are interconnected and that we are here in life, together, and even if it is through some unseen force, I am here to help and provide comfort and support for all of life.

Our talk today comes out of the last episode we did with Sharon Caren. I got really quiet. for those of you who know me, well, I usually will just state my opinion, and stand up for stuff. But out of respect for Sharon, I got quiet because I also felt like maybe I was being misunderstood and as I was feeling more and more upset, I got quieter because I did not want to fight with our guest. I respect her and I think she is a wonderful healer. I just did not like that I got quiet and that I did not speak up (although I did try).

This episode is my chance to discuss the ramifications of quiet as well as the good ways of quiet as we use the beautiful children's picture book by Deborah Underwood (Author), Renata Liwska (Illustrator), to steer our conversation about this topic. I introduce you to The Quiet Friend". Please email me and let me know your point of view.

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/contact/

Transcript

[00:00:00] Matt: It was running the whole time, this little stopwatch, that we keep track of how long the show runs. And I had it on yesterday cause I was on the exercise bike and but it was running. And so when I took a look at it this morning, it was still running.

And so when I actually hit stop and then restart in my head, I hear a little voice going: "oh man!" so like the little, the little man in the computer thought he was doing something super cool and useful going, oh my God, I can't believe the stop-watch is running this long and this long and this long and getting more and more excited.

And then he finds out that I, the quote-unquote user just boom, boom. And he realized everything was pointless. And so he's like, oh God,

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What would you love in life? What would you love? Isn't that a beautiful question to ask yourself, to ask your friends to ask people out there, what would you love?

how do we raise our sense of wellbeing? How can we go from a fearful thought to, a blissful thought?

When there's some crap in front of you, how can you switch that situation around? How can we do that? How can we go from fear-based to total bliss? How do you do that?

Today we're going to get into how to have clarity and power in life, by first asking the question: "What would you love?"

things that you can't see, just because you can't see them doesn't mean they don't exist.

In this episode with spiritual coach, Sharen Caren, we discuss the importance of the inside job and the unseen force we focus on today is the Akashic records. We're going to talk about Meridian systems within our bodies that are not just within our bodies.

To reach out to Sharon and receive a free chart:

https://www.sharoncaren.com/

To support our show and hear about get-togethers with friends (sign up to email and support our show with coffee:

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: What would you love? What would you love? Hi, everybody. Welcome. Welcome back. Welcome to our friendly world. There's a special treat for you today. There's a special treat for you every day, let me just say this phrase that came from our friend, Sharon, who you're going to meet in just a couple minutes.

One of the first things I remember her saying to me was this question that she posed to me and the way she asked it with such caring was "What would you love?" What would you love? Matt? What would you love in life? What would you love? Isn't that a beautiful question to ask yourself, to ask your friends to ask people out there, what would you love?

[00:00:45] Matt: Yeah, absolutely. I totally get it because like, one of the things I hold on to is typically, any action we're either moving from love or from fear. So focusing on the love part is probably going to be

[00:00:57] Fawn: healthier.

And this is perfect because one of the things we're going to get into is how to raise our vibrations . To you can, okay, Matt is rolling his eyes at me, but like, how do we raise our sense of wellbeing? How can we go from a fearful th

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This is an URGENT message for today! Let's change what is happening right now!

The world is a safe place, you guys (I KNOW, I KNOW... lately it feels and looks like it's the end of days. It's scary), but there's more to it. The world is also a loving, friendly place. The world is a small town and everyone is your friend. And there are all kinds of friends, each one with various amounts of capacities and areas of focused abilities and ways about them.

In this episode, we provide a key to changing the world. We talk about how one man can create chaos and make millions of people experience terror. We talk about how one person also has the power to make everything GREAT! That one person is you. That one person is us. We talk about Nikola Tesla and remind each other of how truly powerful we are and how we can TOTALLY change the world in the midst of terrible things happening.

We've been doing different episodes, "The Quiet Friend", "The Weird Friend", all the different types of friends. Right. And they weave in and out in all directions. If you step away (or up) far away enough in your awareness of the world, you may notice how it's interwoven everything really is.

Galvanized, #Electric, #powerful, #light, #spark, #change, #electromagnetic, #hotstuff, #ignition, #theworldisasafeplace, #akindworld, #afriendlyworld, #ourfriendlyworldwithfawnandmatt, #betterstrongertogether

Tune in to this episode and also to a previous episode when you are done, and you can hear a great reminder from our friend Rachel Chevalier.

to contact Fawn and Matt:

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/contact/

to support our show:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

previous episode from last March:
https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/unseen-forces-w-special-guest-rachel-chevalier/

Galvanized Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome back. Welcome back, everybody.

[00:00:02] Matt: Hello!

[00:00:03] Fawn: Welcome to our friendly world. The world is a safe place, you guys, but there's more to it. The world is also a loving, friendly place. The world is a small town and everyone is your friend. And there are all kinds of friends, each one with various amounts of capacities and areas of focused abilities and ways about them.

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Step three! DON'T WAIT! A quick 15-minute talk on what to do to maintain a friendship.
Remember to go to https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/ to let us know about your progress and support our show with a cup of coffee: https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/support/

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello, everybody. Welcome to our friendly world. Hello. Good morning. We haven't done this in a long time. Remember we used to actually introduce ourselves. Hello. Good morning. Good evening. Good afternoon. Good day. Good. Every day. I am Fawn

[00:00:15] Matt: and

Matt.

[00:00:16] Fawn: Hello?

[00:00:17] Matt: Hello. It's kind of strange. We're actually not recording from

our kitchen today.

[00:00:21] Fawn: Why didn't you have to say that?

[00:00:24] Matt: I can tell the vibe is

[00:00:25] Fawn: different, so maybe we should go back to the kitchen. So we're on the couch right now, because for some reason I have been so beyond tired and before we went into the kitchen to record, I was just joking. I'm like, let's just do it right here on the couch.

And then I walk away for a few seconds and then, viola! . The setup is on the couch. And then you got mad at me when I said, no, you said, how, how am I supposed to know? You said the couch. So I set up the couch,

[00:00:52] Matt: you said the

couch. You didn't say, ha, just joking. You didn't say no, no, no, seriously. Let's do it in the kitchen.

No, you didn't say any of that. You said let's

do it on the couch.

[00:01:00] Fawn: I was totally joking because I couldn't even think of how am I going to peel myself, peel my butt off th

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This episode came about as our friend Emily was "Goodwill Hunting" and our conversation that began on Gaslighting in America. We laugh and we get scared and we ultimately feel empowered to live a good life, one in which we support each other and are mentally, physically, and socially healthy and good and we laugh again.

Join this conversation about gaslighting, existential guilt crisis, how to deal with gaslighting at work and with friends and family, and also poop emojis.

You will LOVE your new friend Emily Powell Gilliam!

Emily Powell Gilliam is a designer of play objects and founder of Why & Wiser, creating artful games and gifts for clever kiddos and their grownups.

To reach Emily:
http://www.epgdesign.co/

http://www.whyandwiser.com/

https://www.instagram.com/epgdesignco/

Transcript

[00:00:00] Emily: I had lots of ways of dealing with her. And for four years that was enough. And then, you know, I S I just like, it wore me down and my own, like physical, well, mental first health, and then physical health, just like, you know, went over a cliff, like, and told that if I wanted to be considered for promotion, I needed to work on being softer, use shorter words, be less aggressive. And that I intimidated the owner basically like be more female.

[00:00:47] Matt: See that that's weird because , when you were describing it, I was like, oh my God, where are you coming across as, too passive?

And that's why they didn't consider you for a manager because they didn't see you as a manager type, but they just saw you as a rabble rouser, and a troublemaker, but then why not just, can you, I mean, it's, it's a weird thing.

[00:01:04] Emily: Well, if they

canned me, they would have to pay unemployement. and my twin, is far less straightforward as a person because I'm not,

[00:01:14] Matt: you're not a shrinking violet.

[00:01:16] Emily: I'm

not even a violet, I'm like a thistle

My husband was like, you can't, you can't stay there.

And then my therapist was like, you're literally doing physical damage to your body from the extended, stress of dealing with this

[00:01:35] Fawn: Th

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Here is a quick episode of another fun technique to make the world better!

Contact us! Let's talk! We want to talk! https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/contact/
Also, COFFEE for Fawn and Matt??? https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

TRANSCRIPT _ Friendly Steps 2 Wings of Desire

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello. Hello. Again, welcome to our friendly world, everybody. So you know how we're now doing little sprinkles here and there of baby steps I just wanted to add something new to our show.

Sprinkled in between the long shows, I want to do these baby steps I'm calling them friendly steps. I may change the name. If you have something better, let me know. But if you put them all together, we're going to take baby steps together. And if you put them all together, I believe this is my version.

Now I'm not a big PhD person. These are all my own thoughts as a photographer when I've had time alone, when I've been noticing throughout my life, things that happen. People's behaviors. I'm not affected by the Brenee Browns out there, which I respect, but these are all my thoughts.

And so I want to introduce you to all the ways I think we can create a utopian type of society; one, where it's truly a friendly world and things that I tried, things that I have, that I would tell you about that we would call nuggets of wisdom from Santa Monica, from my mentor, from. From the friends in the neighborhood. These are all the lessons.

So now what I want to do is do the steps, friendly steps. They're like little baby steps and don't worry. They're all fun. They're all meant to give you a spark of joy, inspired by a divine spark in you and the universe. There's no way that you can miss a step. It's just fun, little things to do.

You don't have to do any of them in order. They're just little sparks of inspiration that will give you a chuckle and hopefully make other people feel good.

So today's baby step today's friendly step is this. The first part of it is I want you to, do something, That I think came out of the 1980s. I don't remember.

It's one of my favorite movies. I haven't watched it in a very long time. I've talked about it on the show before it's called "Wings of Desire". It takes place in Berlin. When the Berlin wall was up. It's a beautifully done movie. It's very artistic. It is just deep and beautiful. It has Colombo in it. For those of you who know Peter Falk.

You don't have to watch the whole movie, just like even just watching the first part of the movie is enough to give you the inspiration for this baby step, this friendly step that we're going to do together. "Wings of Desire" is about these angels. And as the movie opens up, these angels have certain spots, they hang out in. A lot of them, hang out in the libraries.

A lot of them hang out on top of buildings with gargoils and they're watching people. These angels will focus on one person. And follow that person

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What are we substituting in place of real friendship? How is this changing our society? Are we able to notice the spells that are cast in our lives and how they change our friendships? What are these spells? This is our conversation today.

Your experience matters to us. Please contact us and talk to us...
https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

and perhaps donate a cup of coffee to support our show:

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The Surrogate Friend – TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: I don't know if I ever showed you this, but there was a vegan cooking show done. Uh, very, I don't know. Is there such a thing as a goth heavy metal guy,

[00:00:10] Matt: that there was no goth

heavy metal, oh dear.

[00:00:13] Fawn: He was very underground, scary sounding. He sounded like a demond,

[00:00:17] Matt: right. But that's not

goth.

That's like when you start getting. into like, I don't know, extreme death

[00:00:23] Fawn: he was like that

[00:00:24] Matt: or all the stuff I don't listen to. Cause folks, I love clean vocals makes me a bad person. Then that makes me a

bad person.

[00:00:31] Fawn: Did you show me that? Or did I find it on my own? Probably

[00:00:34] Matt: found it. And this was in that point in time where vegans were completely weird and this certainly didn't help anybody make any kind of a case for it.

[00:00:42] Fawn: But so he was singing with that, like demonic sound. And teaching you how to make vegan Pad Thai in his basement. It wasn't a basement. It was like this underground, like under in the catacombs. I don't know. It was very dark and mysterious and. Crazy soundness, because

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We're going to try something new and once in a while, there will be these short bursts of episodes, each one a task we'll complete to make our world better.

Please reach out to us and talk to us:
https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/contact/

Coffee for Fawn and Matt:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

Transcripts - Friendly Steps 1 Brand New Day

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello. Welcome. Welcome, welcome to our friendly world everybody. I have something new. We're going to try something new and once in a while these will be like short bursts of episodes, but there'll be a really powerful, are you ready for my idea? No, don't be scared. They're like, so I wouldn't call them,

we know we had, before we had friendly reminders, we'll still have them sprinkled around but friendly reminders came from Santa Monica. They were, we called them nuggets of wisdom. They came from the friends in the neighborhood. So I want to try something, I'm going to call friendly steps.

We may change the name. I'm not sure, but they're like baby steps and it's not like, step one, step two, step three., You have to go in order, anything like that. They're just baby steps to get our society going to that beautiful little utopia that we envision. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, baby steps.

And today I want to start with a brand new day because it just, this is something that's bothered me ever since I can remember. How people completely go wild on new year's Eve midnight, the stroke of midnight. They start cursing the year that is about to end and saying, Ooh, brand new year. Welcome. Love you and cursing the one that's just leaving. Right? Inevitably, it just feels like every party I've gone to, every show I've seen late at night, midnight watching our society ring in the new year. They do that. And it always horrifies me that, oh my God.

Just, if you can think of it as a second ago, like a year ago, just a second ago, you were saying the same thing about this year that you're now cursing goodbye, right? Like it was horrible. I hate you. Bye. Get outta here, you know, in fact not, and not respecting it because it has brought you to where you are, you were alive, you are here, you're breathing and it has brought you here and is ceremonially leading to a brand new day where in fact, every day is a brand new day.

So this is the friendly step today. It's about the brand new day and every friendly step, what I'm going to do is have you do something so teeny tiny. Just do it and see what happens. Today, or, when you think of it, when you feel, when you're moved to do it, the keyword being move, notice anyone, someone. Maybe start with a stranger. Preferably I prefer to do it with a stranger. Oh, don't, don't take that out of context. Um, look at someone and find something extraordinary about this person. You can do this from a window and the person can be far, far away, but you can still see them when you spot that extraordinary thing.

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This is a longer show for a reason. We begin before Joey shows up by expressing some emotional stress and turmoil that happened to us this past week from fires to blizzards, to another case of Fawn experiencing some more racism, yet another mass shooting in Colorado, to all the other stuff. We talk about how important it is to clear the air before we meet our friends, before a ceremonial time together. So we do this before Joey shows up.

When Joey shows up, we discuss the importance of ceremony, the importance of learning and respecting each other's cultures and history, Star Wars, why pronunciation is such a trigger, and then we continue talking as we make, bake, and break the Gata Bread. Just press pause when you need to and come back and make sure you hear all of this episode (where you'll learn to make the most amazing ancient dessert) and make sure you are present for the last 30 minutes as we come to a very special understanding about get-togethers in life.

Some Links:

If you would like to support our show by buying us a coffee:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

To reach Joey:

Kryptontoalderaan@gmail.com.

https://www.instagram.com/kryptontoalderaan/

https://linktr.ee/kryptontoalderaan

https://twitter.com/kryptonalderaan

To reach Andrew Janjigian

Pictures and recipe for Gata – Thank you, Andrew Janjigian
https://www.seriouseats.com/gata-5185123

Preshow therapy Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Our sweet friend, Joey is coming here soon in like a few minutes. And one of the things we always talk about is the art of being a good host. I feel like I needed to talk with you all before Joey comes. So before a friend comes, have you ever experienced this? When you've had a hard time with something, it could be anything, but you're having a hard time meaning that maybe you're not in the best mood and that you need to process something first before you open up the doors and go, hi.

Yay. Our friend is here. Right.

[00:00:38] Matt: So no, and I get that, but you know, being raised in a more Germanic household, we just compartmentalize,

[00:00:44] Fawn: well, I don't. And before, before sweet Joey comes, I need to express, I need to communicate what's been bothering me the past few days. Yesterday was Elle's birthday. Right?

The day before that I had to take her for immunizations. I got into a really bad mood. Like I wasn't expressing it to anyone, but it was a seed. Something was bothering me and it was starting to build. Every time I experienced any form of microaggression or macro aggression. It takes me by surprise because every time I process it, I'm like, okay, that's done. I'm not going to continue with this baggage. I'm going to clear it and I'm moving on as if that was just a one-time occurrence.

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Join us for more conversation with our friend Joey as we get more relaxed and talk about Star Wars, pasta, geology, music, Armenia, and our next episode together and all the things we did not get a chance to talk about (about the root of why things happen the way they do).

To contribute to our podcast, you can buy us "a cup of coffee" by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;) here: buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

Transcript

[00:00:00] Matt: And just because this could be interesting, but yes, I want to talk about man and his sense of smell, but that's going to be handled in the next show, which is great. I also wanted to talk about, you know, there is a tradition, an Italian tradition as far as like, um, you know, pasta comes from the far east and the Italians have quote-unquote made it their own so that the, and during the Roman empire, they grabbed spices from everywhere they could grab it from the spice road, for instance, I mean, God, that that's a culture addicted to spice, right? Yeah.

Also Joey. I wanted to mention something very interesting. There is a book it's actually two books, the graphic novels it's called "Maus", M A U S

[00:00:43] Joey: a hundred percent.

[00:00:44] Matt: He actually talks about how his father didn't want to tell his stories. And he actually gets an explanation from his father and then his father completely changes his tune, but very, very powerful series of books.

[00:00:57] Joey: I think I want to say something to the first point you've made, which is that I should've said this one thing my Armenian grandfather always did as much as we didn't talk about anything else related to Armenia, anything, anything in the world he would point to and say, Armenians invented that, or that was Armenian pasta, grape leaves.

I don't know any, anything, anywhere. That was his go-to thing. And it's like something, it was just part of my. Childhood hearing. Right? So it never, like, it was always just a thing, you know, it was always just a thing in my life. So, uh, I never really asked any questions or anything, but looking back that was pretty fun and entertaining and pretty much the truth.

You know what I mean? I get it. I get it.

[00:01:46] Matt: And for

[00:01:48] Joey: go ahead, go ahead. If we're continuing down that same line. Okay. Well to "Maus". Yes. And what a great book and what a great like. EV everyone should read it. You

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to contribute to our podcast, you can buy us "a cup of coffee" by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;) here: buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

We welcome our friend Joseph Krikorian as we explore the Armenian culture and history.

We're going to begin the root of the matter as we delve into coming from somewhere else and the ways of having to make our way in the world, all the while, carrying with us, all the emotions, the history, our stories, and our mapping out and figuring out a brave new one, a brave new world that is. Sometimes this is hard to do, especially with the trail of the people who came before us. Like our ancestors, grandparents, great-grandparents sometimes even parents, who may not have the stories or they do have the stories, but they're not passed down to us; all the why's, the how's and when's like, why did this happen? Not even knowing that we should be asking these questions because we have no idea, what happened in the past. What makes someone behave the way they do? What makes our household our home, have a certain vibe, or like a certain history?

to reach Joey:
https://kryptontoalderaan.podbean.com/

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Are we ever going to get a new table? I feel like I got this table for us and I said, we'll have it forever, honey. But we're sitting, we got forever tables in the other room. Well, times were really tough and every dollar counted. And once we started to start to begin to get back on our feet, I saw it as a toddler picnic table.

I'm like, honey, we have to get it with an umbrella with an umbrella and chairs. And it was like under a hundred dollars, but that was like to us a thousand dollars. And we got it. And to this day we're still sitting and the kids are now taller than I am. And we're still sitting at the

[00:00:41] Joey: yeah, no, I'm looking at the perspective of Matt sitting at my knee.

Right?

[00:00:46] Fawn: Yeah. Look at that. Look at that.

[00:00:49] Matt: I'm not sitting in one of the normal chairs I have with there's an Ottoman right here.

[00:00:53] Fawn: So God, if you're listening to me, please help help us move the real table. I know, but nevermind. Anyway, welcome. Welcome back. Welcome back to our friendly world, everybody. So today, today, this show is really important to me because of the bond that I made with our very special gu

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Today's topic is turning to friends for direction as we introduce you to 4 new friends-The Magical Cartographers (Ish, KJ, Jocelyn, and Mel). Today's art of friendship is the art of the map. Inside of each person is a map. It is there even before we are born, a way to get the full picture of the full landscape is to share what is contained in our hearts because it is our hearts that hold the latent image.

Side note: If you would like to support our show: buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

To reach your new friends from this episode:

Jocelyn Lindsay

http://www.jocelynlindsay.com/

KJ Nasrul
https://blissbeginswithin.com

https://www.instagram.com/musingsonother/

Mel Morris

https://www.wtfwithmel.com/WTFHome

Ish Modak

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/mindfulworkingmom/?ref=share

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ishmodakmd

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ishmodak/

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello, everybody. Welcome to our friendly world. Today's topic is turning to friends for direction. Today's art of friendship is the art of the map. Inside of each person is a map. It is there even before we are born, a way to get the full picture of the full landscape is to share what is contained in our hearts, because it is our hearts that hold the latent image.

Now latent image. That's my photography term. It's the image held within the silver emulsion that comes to light during the process. So to get that latent image to come to life, we share our stories and our ways. How do we course and navigate the geography and terrain of our lives during a time of change, turbulence, shakeups, and movement, while looking for our original family members? The art of the map is mapping out ways to have lasting friendships; the friendship that has existed in an out of time.

Imagine if you will a map you could only feel -a blueprint. What if, while we are here, we actually are surrounded by our spirit family and to find them, we would have to unravel all the signs and the coincidences to realize the hidden codes that are there. That have always been there that reveal our friendship, our family alliance. And to do that, we have to have gumption; the bravery to stop everything when you notice a spark and say, hold it right there; asking an opening question, saying, I want to connect with you

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We're talking about the art of the story and how stories shape our lives. Does every story really come down to the two basic plotlines of a stranger comes to rides into town and/or someone goes on a journey? Bottom line is that we are the directors of our own stories (our own lives) and we can create any story we wish.

if you enjoy our show, please contribute by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;)

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Transcript - The Art of the Story

[00:00:00] Fawn: Stop it. Are you serious? Hello? No. So you're saying no. What about Legally Blonde?

[00:00:06] Matt: She takes trip.

[00:00:08] Fawn: Damn she does. She does. She does. Ah, all right. How about Love Actually?

[00:00:15] Matt: See, that's too many stories. You got to pick a story.

[00:00:17] Fawn: All right.

[00:00:20] Matt: I don't know. Trying to grade a novel. Right dude, one guy does take a trip.

He goes to Portugal.

[00:00:29] Fawn: I hate that. You're right. Okay guys. So what we're talking about, uh, Matt and I have been talking about stories and how every story comes to. One, one thing, like one, what do you call it? What even call it?

[00:00:45] Matt: Two basic plots.

[00:00:46] Fawn: So the basic plot that comes into every story, like, well, this is just what Matt and I have been riffing on is something that you said, what was his name?

John Gardner a writer. Wait, no, you said

[00:00:59] Matt: yes, not Grisham.

[00:00:59] Fawn: . All right. So the whole idea is. This one writer said, ever

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With our friend and author/illustrator/singer/all-around artist extraordinaire, Vanessa Brantley-Newton, we discuss Perceiving together (also the meaning of Synesthesia), and overcoming adversity is the topic. We discuss thriving in life and building a toolbox for overcoming anything in life. We get into the concept of HOW WE ARE SEEN vs SHOWING PEOPLE WHO WE ARE. And of course, we get into the etymology of today's topic: OVERCOME.

If you enjoy our show, please contribute by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;)
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To reach Vanessa or learn more about her work:

https://www.vanessabrantleynewton.com/

https://www.instagram.com/vanessabrantleynewton/

Transcript:Perceiving Together and Overcoming Adversity with Our Friend Vanessa Brantley-Newton

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello everyone. Welcome. Hello? Hello. Hi. We are here today with our beautiful friend, Vanessa Brantley Newton. She's here with us.Hi Vanessa. Thank you for coming

back.

[00:00:16] Vanessa: Thank you for having me back Excited to be here with you. All

[00:00:20] Fawn: today's

topic is perceiving together and overcoming adversity, and there's so much to say there's so many ways we can go with this.

I just wanted to talk about my tantrum that I had a few days ago. So Vanessa, I either have major tantrums by myself in the bathroom or the greatest epiphany's in the bathroom. I don't know what it is. It's my conference room. It's my place of worship in a way, like I just get messages in the bathroom or I send messages And a few days ago, I was so, um, I don't even know the word for it. I was just having a tantrum. I was so frustrated. And afterwards I was so embarrassed. Cause I was, I was yelling all kinds of profanity to myself and I come out of the shower and you all were quiet.

You and the girls. Yeah. And then I felt worse. I felt like, oh my God, I am the worst human being. I'm the worst mother. I'm just the worst. And then, so I excused myself from dinner and I said, you guys just have dinner by yourselves I'm not, not eating. And I went in the corner, sitting at my computer in the corner, at my desk . I texted Holly and I just said, help, period. And then I kind of told her what happened in the bathroom. And then I feel like a terrible person and a terrible mom for having the kids hear me have a tantrum to my all by myself. I wasn't talking to anyone. She pointed out that when you don't realize how thin thinly or stretched out, what's the word, I forgot the words you're stretched thin to the point where you don't even realize it, when you have tantrums like that it's for you to realize that you need to take care of yourself.

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the art of friendship; we've talked about the different kinds of friends, the art of friendship, people along the way who changed the direction of our path, our understanding of life, the trajectory of our heart. It happens in different ways. It could be good or bad. I'm really mostly talking about the good. We've talked about this on other episodes. For example, one of my favorite episodes that we did was the one on "The Weird Friend". remember Matt. That's where through the etymology and from our own personal experience, we understood the original and true meaning of the word weird, which meant, or means fate chance, fortune destiny, like totally magical.

There are so many different kinds of friends. Some friends are people who meet us on the path for a few seconds. I think all meetings, the chance ones, the split-second ones, the long relationship ones, the quick glance ones are all pre-planned meetings.

Have you ever had a friend or been in the presence of a person who weaves magic all around?

Have you ever had that friend with mountain-moving words; with such elegance and style, with great command, with powerful ways of seeing, with the kind of insight that seems to wave a magic wand, and you feel immediately transformed, gifted, alive, and fully embodied by love. Have you ever had that enlightened friend, the great friend, the friend who makes you cry with joy and inspiration and hope, maybe it's been eons since you felt this way or met this kind of friend?

Maybe you've been hurt by foolish people, foolish people, and it hurt you so bad that you told yourself. I will never let myself be exposed to that kind of hurt ever again. So you told yourself that such a friend, such a great friend doesn't even exist. So you close yourself off and you just live a certain way; not even looking for that. Maybe you haven't met this kind of great friend yet. Well, now you will or will again. Matt and I have the best friend to introduce you to (Vanessa Brantley-Newton).

https://www.vanessabrantleynewton.com/

https://www.instagram.com/vanessabrantleynewton/

If you enjoy our show, please contribute by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;)
buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hi, everybody. Welcome to our friendly world. Hello. Hi everybody. Have you? Ah, how do I, okay, so we've talked about this a lot, the art of friendship; we've talked about the different kinds of friends, the art of friendship, people along the way who changed the direction of our path, our understanding of life, the trajectory of our heart. It happens in different ways. It could be good or bad. I'm really mostly talking about the good. We've talked about this on other episodes. For example, one of my favorite episodes that we did was the one on "The Weird Friend". remember Matt. That's where through the etymology and from our own personal experience, we understood the original and true meaning of the word weird, which meant, or means fate chance, fortune destiny, like totally magical.

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Eudaimonia is a Greek word, literally translating to the state or condition of good spirit which is commonly translated as happiness or welfare. The closest English word is probably flourish; the word flourishing. Aristotle used it as a broad concept to describe the highest good humans could strive toward or having a life of flourishment.
What does it mean to have a virtuous life? How does genius and creativity come into this topic?

If you enjoy our show, please contribute by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;)
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Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hi everybody. Hello? Eudaimonia it sounds like, let me say it again. Eudaimonia,

[00:00:09] Matt: but it's one word.

[00:00:10] Fawn: It's one word. Eudaimonia it sounds like you'd a man. You da man

[00:00:15] Matt: or the money

[00:00:16] Fawn: or, there's another pronunciation. Eudaimonia so we have another Greek word for you today, guys.

It's eudaimonia. And Aristotle is joining us today. Again, as much as we can channel Aristotle, our friend to the art of friendship. All right. Eudaimonia is a Greek word, literally translating to the state or condition of good spirit which is commonly translated as happiness or welfare. Okay. The closest English word is probably flourish; the word flourishing. Aristotle used it as a broad concept to describe the highest good humans could strive [00:01:00] toward or having a life of flourishment; a state of wellbeing is what it is.

An example of eudaimonia was like it was achieved through being virtuous; living a virtuous life,

[00:01:16] Matt: but isn't that bigger than that?

[00:01:18] Fawn: So let me just keep going and we can get into it. So virtue is moral excellence to allow something to act in harmony with its purpose. That's interesting. If you think about it with friendship, allowing something to act in harmony with its purpose. So don't put anything on someone don't put anything on the friendship, just allow it to see what its true purpose is.

Maybe this person is not your true friend. What is the purpose of that being in your life? Just look at it objectively. So anyway, let me go on. An example of something virtuous, like having a virtuous life would be an artist or in t

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We analyze the true definition of awkward and Fawn explains her own awkwardness, then Matt does also, and then we talk about the geniuses in history who were considered to be awkward and discuss the brilliance and sadness of Turing and how our society can be so cruel to such brilliant people.

If you enjoy our show, please contribute by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;)
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[00:00:00] Fawn: Awkward awkward, awkward, awkward. Hello. Good morning everybody. Good afternoon. Good evening. Hello everyone around the world our beautiful friends. We're talking about awkward today, looking at awkward old Norse, it means turn the wrong way. Middle English, means, backwards perverse clumsy prefers. Yeah. So you add the old Norris with the English to the middle English and you have awkward meaning the wrong way round the wrong way round, upside down. And so let's look at the suffix. Ward W A R D, the English suffix, denoting, spatial, or temporal direction as specified by the initial element.

So the elements like toward, seaward, seaward, yes, afterward, [00:01:00] backward. So again, the definition of awkward: in the wrong direction,turned the wrong way. In the 1530s, that's when it started to mean the wrong way. Here are some definitions: perverse; the archaic means, unfavorable, adverse, adverse. Um, how do you say that adverse or adverse?

I think there are two different meanings lacking dexterity or skill as in the use of the hands; lacking social grace and assurance. For example, there's a newcomer, right? They don't know,

[00:01:36] Matt: they don't know your mores, your social mores.

[00:01:38] Fawn: Right. And that's where I want to talk about it. Cause that's usually me. Lacking ease or grace as a moment or expression lacking the right proportions size or harmony of parts.

Not easy to handle or deal with requiring great skill ingenuity or care. And then [00:02:00] looking in the definition of ward, W A R D; cause we were fighting about this I'm like, I don't think it means what you think it means. And we were actually looking at the noun definition and the verb. So the noun and the verb, the noun ward is a separate room and an institution like a hospital or jail or something, or, , an administrative division of a city or

[00:02:24] Matt: borough.

So it's like classifying the classification.

[00:02:27] Fawn: Yeah. Like, yeah, like, yeah, spatial. Okay. Designations, I guess you would call it. And then the verb, ward, is what you were saying is to guard, to protect. That's the archaic definition. Now here's a definition I had never heard of before.

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Weird is not what you think it is. The word "weird" is normally defined as
strange peculiar disturbingly, different, or odd, right? No, this is not what this is.

This episode is about the real meaning of "weird" and the power to control destiny, and the people that are our destiny and what becomes a magical fate.

We get into history and mythology and discuss "Weird Sisters", The NORNS, the three fates, the goddesses who controlled human destiny.

Who is in your life? who are these people? And are they an external force? Are they an internal force? Are they people that you meet along the way? Are they your friends? How does, how is your fate tied up in friendship? How does destiny work in this realm?

If you enjoy our show, please contribute by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;)
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The Weird Friend - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: hello. Hi everybody. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. And hello. Once again, the weird friend today's topic, the weird friend. Now don't freak out. I'm not disrespecting anybody, we're looking at the word weird and looking at the weird friends in our lives. Now it's not what you think. We're going to look at the adjective and at the etymology of weird

Weird is not what you think it is. Or maybe you do

strange peculiar disturbingly, different odd, right? No, this is not what this is. What you're looking for, this is not the droids. What are, what is it I'm looking

[00:00:51] Matt: for? Yeah, this is not your father's.

[00:00:56] Fawn: So the adjective comes from late middle English it [00:01:00] originally meant having the power to control destiny.

Then it became this, an earthy thing. It was a late millet. I can't talk today, late middle English originally meant having the power to control destiny. And it was used, especially in the " Weird Sisters" originally referring, to the fates later, the witches in shakespeare's Macbeth.

[00:01:27] Matt: And I think , that, that highlights just the Bard because there can only be one. And he's the guy, his, casting a shadow over overall, because he is regarded as the greatest fiction author of all time.

[00:01:42] Fawn: You mean Shakespeare or what I say? Well, he just said he, or Lord, or Lord Byron, whoever, whatever your belief is.

There are lots of people that believe it wasn't actually Shakespeare, but it was Byron

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This episode continues our series for teens with our friend Maya Holland, founder of Tools for Teens, a meditation-based healing service that provides teenagers with ways to navigate personal and social matters through the use of energy medicine. To sign up for privates, group classes and read her blog about attending University in London, visit mayasimone.com Website: mayasimone.com Email: maya@mayasimone.com Instagram: @maya.holland

If you enjoy our show, please contribute by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;)
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TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Welcome. Welcome. Welcome!

[00:00:04] Matt: Hello!

[00:00:04] Fawn: Bienvenue. . Thank you very much, everybody for listening. Welcome to our table. We are here with Maya Holland. Again, we're talking about tools for teens. Maya is the founder of tools for teens, a meditation based healing service that provides teenagers with ways to navigate personal and social matters through the use of energy medicine. We have her links here in the show. If you need to get ahold of her, which you should, everyone, she is brilliant. You can go to Maya, simone.com, M a Y a S I M O N e.com. Maya simone.com. She has a course tools for teens. Today we're going to talk about. Paying attention even to trifles.

Now, Matt, you and I did a show on this a few months ago, we did pay attention. It was what is, what was the title of [00:01:00] it? Right? Back then we were doing nuggets of wisdom from Santa Monica. Now we're really, I'm obsessed with etymology. So I thought I talked to you about before we get in, before Maya comes on, I wanted to talk about the word "attention."

What I'm going to describe is derived from the Greek. Yea, of course our whole foundation of this friendship movement is based on the Greek and the Nicomachean ethics, but you all know that. Okay. So the meaning derived from the Greek means true sense; a sense of truth.

The suffix "logia". Obviously is the study of, it means the study of, and then, so the meaning of it is giving heed, active direction of the mind upon some object or topic. And then you get into the old French"attencion" and[00:02:00] directly from Latin. I'm not going to say the word I'm totally mispronouncing Latin stuff, but basically means.

Attention and attentiveness, noun of action from past participle stem of "attendere" means give heed to literally means to stretch toward actually to stretch toward, from add to, to toward plus "tendere"means stretch. Now the PIE route "ten", you know, AttendeT E N that part of the word, that is what it means to stretch.

Isn't that interesting to stretch. before the 17th century then, getting into 1741, 1752, That's when the word really goes into meaning civility, courtesy and the power of mental [00:03:00]<!--

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What is an inner compass and how do we have strength in that?

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The Inner Compass – TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello, everybody. We are back we're back.

[00:00:04] Matt: Hello? Hello. Good morning. Good evening.

[00:00:07] Fawn: All of it. Hello at all times in all places. Yeah. And all dimensions. Hey everybody. Guess who's here. Maya Holland is here. Hi Maya. Hi. Good morning. Good evening. Good afternoon. All over again. Here we go again. Um, you know, when I say goodbye, we've done this for years, the kids grew up like this.

We never say have a nice day because when I was working, I was in the foothills of the Himalayas and this beautiful person who was a swami at the end of our, our Workday, I was like, okay, have a nice day when we were going towards separate areas and he's like Fawn,

no, like I got so scolded, spiritually. Um, he was so wonderful, but [00:01:00] he was like, don't ever say that to someone you're condemning someone to just having one day of good. Don't you ever say that? I'm like, never again. So he taught me to say, and this is how our girls talk. Whenever we say, see you later, or bye.

They say have a beautiful every day, have a good every day. Oh, that's so cute. We never say it. We never say it. And just the, um, the opposite of the plural, you know, in the, just the one thing, SINGULAR is what I was looking for. Okay. So I digress. The

[00:01:39] Maya: same thing with the question, how are you? It's so loaded.

It's kind of like that. You really want to know who I am. Are you just asking to be polite? You know,

[00:01:49] Fawn: people don't care.

[00:01:51] Maya: Yeah. I mean, if someone asks me how I am, I'm going to tell you how I'm doing. I'm going to give you all the details, but. Some people, they [00:02:00] just rea

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Today we are talking about energy balances and imbalances; how energy imbalances can result in physical things, how energy creates things, how thoughts create things.

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BALANCE - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello? Hello. Welcome. Welcome guests who we have today again with us, everyone. Maya Holland is here, everybody. Yay. Welcome Maya. Welcome back.

[00:00:12] Maya: Thank you. I'm happy to be back

[00:00:15] Fawn: Today we are talking about energy balances and imbalances; how energy imbalances can result in physical things, how energy creates things, how thoughts create things.

We talk about this all the time, mind over matter. Right. Thought comes first and then you voice it and then you get physical manifestation. Boom.

[00:00:43] Maya: Your thoughts, not only do they control, like you said, your words and things that you say out loud, but that is what is attracted in the universe. So if you're always, you know, speaking negatively, then it's pretty likely you're going to have sort of a negative.[00:01:00]

[00:01:00] Fawn: So here's what, like, whenever it was that I first heard this a long time ago was energy follows thought. Okay. But I feel like my thoughts are energetic. Do you know what I mean? So that for me, confuses me especially when I talk to Matt, because I'm sitting there minding my own business. Minding my own business, quiet.

And Matt will say, woman, stop yelling at me. I'm like, I didn't even say a word. And he'll say your thoughts are so loud. And he actually like, in our family, we're like a little weird family, but like we totally operate telepathically always have. So they literally hear my thoughts to the point where I'm thinking.

I'm in one room and I'm thinking about, I don't know, let's just say a glass of water and Matt will come in and say, stop yelling. I heard [00:02:00] you and hand me the glass of water. Okay. We're like that nuts. Oh

[00:02:04] Maya: my God. See,

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Rules to live by!

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Okay. You guys. So we were talking about the book of the five rings by Miyamoto Musashi Musashi. Yes exactly. I always get that wrong. Okay. So these are the nine rules. And so this is a major warrior. Forgive me, like, correct me if I'm wrong, Matt, major warriors, samurai,

[00:00:23] Matt: the samurai

[00:00:24] Fawn: he's the samurai.

And so he had nine rules of the way.

[00:00:33] Matt: Right grant that he felt would help guide you down the path. Yes.

[00:00:36] Fawn: So these were his nine rules and this is why we're going to discuss, and we took intuition, out of one of these rules, two of these rules, right? So...

Rule 1: Do not think dishonestly.

Rule 2: The way is in training.

And we've gone over this on our previous episodes guys, it's just, uh, [00:01:00] we're just, uh, re reflection.

Rule 3: Become acquainted with every art.

Rule 4: Know the ways of all professions.

Rule 5: Distinguish between gain and loss in worldly matters.

[00:01:24] Matt: And the one we focused on today, intuition will know that's the next role I was hoping.

Oh, I'm sorry.

[00:01:31] Fawn: Number six. All right. All right. Calm down.

Rule 6: Develop intuitive judgment, and understanding for everything.

I'm going to repeat that. Develop intuitive judgment and understanding for everything.

Rule 7: Perceive those things which can not be seen.

That's a big one. Again, I'm going to repeat that.

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This episode begins a series for teens with our friend Maya Holland, founder of Tools for Teens, a meditation-based healing service that provides teenagers with ways to navigate personal and social matters through the use of energy medicine. To sign up for privates, group classes and read her blog about attending University in London, visit mayasimone.com Website: mayasimone.com https://mayasimone.com/home Email: maya@mayasimone.com Instagram: @maya.holland If you enjoy our show, please contribute by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;)
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Intuition – The Art of the Start with Maya Holland – Tools for Teens TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Matt: Maya Modo Musashi, regarded as the sword Saint, the Kensei the folklorish hero, historical figure samurai in feudal Japan. Story from his life: he was visiting a Lord, one of the various daimyo's of the land, at his invitation. He was sitting in a room. The Lord took him and said, okay, come with me to this other room,

They got slightly separated and

[00:00:23] Fawn: hold on one second. So, uh, Damon is

[00:00:26] Matt: A Damio

[00:00:27] Fawn: A damio. So that's the boss.

[00:00:29] Matt: Think of him as like a Lord or a Baron or a,

[00:00:32] Fawn: the samurais work for

[00:00:34] Matt: yes. Samurais do. And then the Ronins are, they was samurai who do not have currently have a Lord.

And at that point Musashi was a Ronin.

Anyways. They got briefly separated going through, his castle and he motioned to him from across a courtyard. He's like, yeah, I'm over here, come this way. And the courtyard was dark and Musashi sensed something.[00:01:00]

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Friend breakups are just as painful as romantic break-ups. We have some strategies and stories to share that will have you feeling better.

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The Break-Up

[00:00:00] Fawn: Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Good. All everything. Hi everybody. Hey, I don't know if it's the subject matter today, but I'm in a mood right now.

[00:00:13] Matt: Sounds like I'm going to be tapping today. You know

[00:00:17] Fawn: what? I don't think. I think no matter what you do right now, it's going to get all my last nerves.

[00:00:23] Matt: So if I'm quiet, I'm in trouble. If I talk in trouble. Oh yeah.

[00:00:27] Fawn: Everything. Everything is bothering me right now. Um, love LOVE IS WINNING. Um, it's the inner fight within that says I am done. And the other side of you you that is used to this situation or person to the point that stopping is like cutting off a vital part of life.

This makes no sense to you cause you have no idea what I'm about to discuss today, right, Matt?

[00:00:59] Matt: Well, [00:01:00] I, I guess we'll see,

[00:01:02] Fawn: it's kind of like, what I'm about to talk about is kind of. And not kind of, but to me, what I've noticed is actually like a chemical addiction. Uh, today's topic is, are you ready?

Matt has no idea. The breakup.

[00:01:25] Matt: Yeah. Raise your hand if you've been through a breakup and that your hand, if you went well

[00:01:29] Fawn: now, well, I raising my hand. I had one that finally went well and I use it as an nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica. And I'm not talking about like romantic breakup per se. I'm talking about break up in general,

breaking up with a friend it is so hard and you think, oh, well it's just a friend, but oh my God, it is incredibly painful. Horrible. So I have some ways that will help with that

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Sawubono is the South African Zulu word for "Hello, WE see you, and by seeing you, we bring you into being."

Each person you meet, you're actually meeting their family and their ancestry, which means each one person is never alone. You are never alone. Not only are we meeting an individual, an individual person, but we are also meeting a lineage and we're giving respect to all of them.

You can walk around the world. And it's not about you, depending on people's luggage and their experience; everyone sees you differently. So to be hung up on "how am I seen by this person or this culture," it's ridiculous because everyone has a different lens on it.

This episode is about seeing.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: Speaking of giving credit where it's due, I give credit and acknowledge the ancient ISA Zulu greeting. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Sawubona Sawubona is a greeting in South Africa. Sawubona is the Zulu word for how we say hello or in India, how we say "Namaste" Namaste is way deeper than "hello" because it's essentially saying I see the light in you,

[00:00:31] Matt: but two people use it just as a hello, like a, Hey yeah know,

[00:00:36] Fawn: I don't know, but everywhere we went.

People of all ages will greet you with Namaste.

I didn't know what it was when I was first there. And I was used to mean kids in the United States. So when all these kids were like laughing and smiling and say Namaste I thought they were making fun of me. Do you know what I mean? I had no idea what it meant.

[00:01:00] And then when I found out I'm like, oh my God, do you see the amount of pain? That I feel, I don't even realize that if some kids are smiling and laughing and saying something to me, cause I've never met and because they're laughing, I think they're making fun of me. This was the child in me thinking that, being so ignorant of a culture or a word because of my own pain thinking.

It's malicious

[00:01:29] Matt: and also unwilling to come at it from a complete point of naivete. Did you know that they're saying now that, even a smiley face in a text can be sarcastic. Are you serious? I mean, I've always viewed because. You know, when you get a text or you use chat to communicate with your cow

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We are celebrating one year of talking about the art of friendship around the world. And today we have with us what I promised on the very first show "The Mentor" that explains this whole podcast; that our girls would be in on the episodes. They have been working behind the scenes and the past year have become introverts (can you blame them, with all that's happened in the world the past 2 years?

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Birthday episode - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Here we are everyone. Hello? Hello. Hi everybody. Welcome to our friendly world. We are celebrating one year of talking about goodness, one year of talking on the air around the world. And today we have with us what I promised on my very first show. I say my, because that shows just me talking our very first episode called the mentor that explains this whole podcast. That's what I meant by my show, but I had promised that it would be the family and the girls would be in on the episodes. And what turned out was they were behind the scenes. They didn't want to talk. They became quite antisocial is not the word for it, but they what's a, what's a, what's the word for it?

Introvert. Yeah, but everybody here they are Martine. I promised here they are. Martina has been wanting to hear you guys. So here we are everybody. I'd like to [00:01:00] introduce you all to our lovely littles little ladies. We haveElle:

[00:01:06] Elle: hello

[00:01:08] Fawn: and Alegra:

[00:01:10] Allegra: Whats up?

[00:01:11] Fawn: Fabulous. Oh my God. You guys come on. We need to speak. You guys have been very quiet.

We've all been very still this , past year. Quite still. We've been very centered. And yet at the same time, we've been making friends from around the world. We've met so many of our family members, family, as in the family that we create a family circle of friends from around the world.

There's a list now, that we can truly call family members. I thought we would start the show off today by getting in the word celebration. Are you ready? I wanted to talk about ceremony, but it just seemed so serious. I like the word celebration better and what it is, it's just gathering, it speaks of honoring [00:02:00] of a day or season by appropriate festivities. That celebration. And I want to say, I started to truly celebrate when you and I got together, Matt!. I mean, I would celebrate my birthday, but I wouldn't have parties ever. I would always have my alone spot. It was usually at the channe

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This episode came about as we had a guest that was so hateful and wrongly accused Matt of "manipulation" because he likes to present people with favors. Wanting to clear things up from that conversation, Fawn wanted to make sure Matt explained (before he was so rudely cut off), one of the many ways to really connect with people.

This one act is something that you can do, to kindly, respectfully, and compassionately relate to people. And it's a simple thing; one that is really important for everyone to know about. This is also to correct a wrong that was done to Matt (referring to a rude guest we had).

We're talking about a favor. Do you know what "favor" actually means?

the etymology, the origin, the Latin which is spelled FAVERE.

The etymology, the background, the root of favor originally means: show kindness. Isn't that beautiful?

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The Favor - TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Matt: Doin' a favor?

[00:00:01] Fawn: What'd you say

[00:00:04] Matt: doing a favor?

[00:00:06] Fawn: This is another followup show. I feel like too, um, a conversation that we had that I feel like I need to fix, , sometimes you talk to people and it really messes you up,

[00:00:19] Matt: indeed.

[00:00:20] Fawn: I mean, I mean, I mean, my God, so there's something that I've been.

Wanting to clear up from another conversation, you were trying to say something and I knew what you were about to say, but you were so abruptly cut off and disrespected. And this time it wasn't me.

[00:00:42] Matt: People find the need to, put themselves too much in the conversations and try and cut things short

[00:00:47] Fawn: and yet

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We begin with Socrates and the history and meaning of "APOLOGIA". How we should defend what we believe is true. We use Socrates as an example of the result of what happens when we go against the status quo. How can we stay safe and sane?
And when mistakes happen, how do we apologize? How should we apologize? When is it ok not to apologize? We discuss the reasons why we fight and how we can reach a loving point.

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TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Here we go, here we go. Do you even know, do you even understand when you come up behind me and you scare the heck out of me when I'm in the kitchen and I'm deep in thought and I jump, am holding my heart and I feel traumatized because all of a sudden you're like you just come up from out of nowhere.

It seems from my perspective, And it scares the hell out of me. And then you get mad. Then we get into a fight because really all I need is an apology. Like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

[00:00:37] Matt: Oh, timeout, timeout, timeout. I'm just walking up to you. I'm not trying to scare you. I'm

[00:00:43] Fawn: just walking up. Here we go again, link.

You know what? I don't even remember all of our fights. Like we have so many fights that miraculously, I don't even remember the fights. I just remember the general sense of annoyance and, [00:01:00] and like rage, but honey, all you have to say once you realize I have calmed down is I'm sorry. Oh my God.

Are you all right? Oh, no. Look at you. You, I totally startled you... like admit it, but you don't, you immediately go into a state of you're on trial and you're fighting for your, your, your perspective, your proving that you're right. Even though

[00:01:31] Matt: I didn't do anything.

See,

[00:01:33] Fawn: that's the that's you did. Do... you scared me!!!!.

Okay.

[00:01:39] Matt: There's intent. Oh my God, your honor.

[00:01:42] Fawn: All right, so good morning, everybody. Good evening. Good afternoon. Can I just say thank you, France. France is awesome. France has been such a loyal listener country like outside of the United States and you know what? [00:02:00] And so, so many other countries around the world.

Thank you all for listening, please, please. If you could leave us a kind review on one of the platforms. When you go on our website, our friendly world.com, please. It helps out our show, which already you have helped so much. Thank you for listening everyone. Anyway, back to our fight. You ready? Oh dear. So we are always fighting.

We love each other, but we're always fighting, but really the fight happens because It's to me, from my perspective, it's about all the making of excuses instead of just apologizing. And so when was it a, was it a few weeks ago or a few months ago at time is very weird for me.

[00:02:50] Matt: Time is fairly fluid. Yeah.

[00:02:51] <

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Bonsai trees are intended to bring the core aspects of nature: balance harmony, and simplicity. It's said that when we consider the natural flow of the environment, these three characteristics, should anything occur to disrupt it (nature) will always restore itself. There is always a natural harmonic balance to things.

In looking at the trees and their scale, on so many levels we can realized how much bigger the trees are than manmade structures. And if you look at it, a tree (nature), is way, way, more massive than anything that we make.

The act of caring for bonsai trees is nurturing in its profound sense. And when giving from the heart, the giver benefits as much as the receiver. By bonding through nature, the Bonzai plant's meaning is enriched and it becomes our teacher. I thought that was beautiful. And it calls to friendship too; all relationships, by bonding, by bonds, things are enriched and it's a teaching moment. We teach each other. The more we provide and nurture for one, the other also reciprocate, not always in the sense that we expect, but it is going back to that circle. When you care, you are cared for. What you seek is seeking you.

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TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: Hello, we are here. So are the birds. Can you hear him?

[00:00:05] Matt: That's like a Yodel bird.

[00:00:06] Fawn: I know there are all kinds of wildlife outside

[00:00:12] Matt: and, but we actually have our windows open because it's actually not

[00:00:14] Fawn: boiling hot out. Right. I want to say there has been a moving a migration , if you will, of all kinds of wildlife coming to the tree right outside our window, because.

The food, the bird seeds, we have chosen. It's a whole new community out there. It's wild.

[00:00:34] Matt: And it's waking you up first thing in the morning, isn't it?

[00:00:37] Fawn: Well, yeah, I've been having insomnia again, so like right when I go to sleep, then it feels like the birds are like, hello, all kinds. And I don't know what they're saying.

They're shouting all kinds of stuff. Speaking of nature, are you ready for today's episode? I'm never ready. Hello friends. Hello everybody. Today, we are talking about how we [00:01:00] grow and the bonsai tree. Are you ready? All right, here we go. So bonsai trees are intended to bring the core aspects of nature and there's three.

We have balance harmony. And simplicity. It's said that when we consider the natural flow of the environment, these three characteristics; balance, harmony and simplicity are always present. And if anything occurs to disrupt nature, it will always restore itself. You can take that however way. You know, we talk about how we're messing up the environment or big, so filthy, dirty, irresponsible, best believe nature will take care of itself.

The earth will still be here, but it doesn't mean whoever's polluting it will, right. I mean, it can be really, it can really smack you, but it will, [00:02:00] but isn't that the law. Everything that everything will restore itself.

[00:02:08] Matt: There is I think a natural harmonic balance to things, but that doesn't mean that that harmonic balance won't completely get flipped on its, butt supposedly and God knows it hasn't happened certainly in our lifetimes.

And it probably won't in subsequent lifetimes, but magnetic north sometimes flips to the south pole. Yes. What the heck? Well, that seems very out of bounds.

[00:02:32] Fawn: But things move right? You need to flip and move, but then there's no harmony, but isn't that the whole cycle of the cir

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The English word ego is the Latin word for, “I”. Literally translated, ego means "I". If you were to write, "I love you" in Latin, you would write "ego amo te"

It's interesting how people feel the need of having that triumph over you. Why does that happen? It probably comes from some trauma where the person did not feel as important. So they have to really hold up that part of themselves to say, “I am important.”

Perhaps what we need is rituals in our society where when you do something (you accomplish something) that you have a party about it, like a ceremonial "yay. I did it!”

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] You who can help you? It's you and me, baby. Oh, yay. It's been awhile since goodness.

Matt: [00:00:08] Wait, wait. We've actually started. I thought we were doing another

Fawn: [00:00:12] . Oh dear. You ready? Do you have any idea what I'm going to bring up today? I think it could be ego. It could be it's ego, ego. Okay. Brought to you by our lovely sponsors.

We don't have any sponsors, but brought to you by some experience we had the last week.

Matt: [00:00:35] Oh dear. So I take it. We're just going to go for it then. Right. Well

Fawn: [00:00:38] kind of going to go for it without naming any names. All right. So today is people and their ego. All right. And you've had to deal with that because of your work situation.

Right?

Matt: [00:00:52] Okay. So it's my fundamental belief. I mean, as a, as a computer programmer, you know, we sit at a keyboard, we [00:01:00] type some random gibberish in and things happen and we build things that people use and people say, wow, this is great. Thank you so much. And people find bugs and make us feel bad. And then we fix the bugs and that makes us feel good.

Computer programmers are incredibly credible egomaniacs because we do this. We build for a living and we get all these strokes and we get all this other stuff.

Fawn: [00:01:23] You know what everybody, every industry has that every industry has the ego everywhere you go. There is ego. And I have a theory about that. My theory is when people are not heard and they don't feel seen that's when things get out of hand with the ego.

Okay. Here's the atomology of ego that will actually bring some light to this. What I'm talking about? Ego. The English word ego is the Latin word for, I literally translated ego means "I", if you were to write, "I [00:02:00] love you" in Latin, you would write "ego amo te"

Matt: [00:02:08] god, that's very aside from the word ego, that's very similar to like Spanish.

Fawn: [00:02:12] some guesses and then where Spanish comes from. Hello, Latin. All right. So we, we, we, I don't know how to say this, but recently we came across a major ego. And it was painful. It took me a while to get over it. I had Tourette's in the shower. I was walking around the apartment, like just bursting things out loud.

Like I, I was initially so hurt. I felt spanked by this person. Right. And it was so we were trying to figure out what it was. And really, even though this person came across or appears out in the world as like, uh, a very [00:03:00] substantial, knowledgeable together kind of person, it was, I realized, wow, this person is in pain and they want to be heard.

And perhaps we didn't stroke the ego wanted or expected us to,

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This episode we focus on Revolution vs Evolution and the Art of A Coherent Community During Turbulent Times and we begin with the etymology of revolution: to turn; to roll back. The definition is really revolt, which originally meant to renounce allegiance, which is really interesting since we're always talking about friendship and community and family; the family that we create, but to renounce allegiance that's revolution.

Revolution is also a change in paradigm.

Evolution is an opening of what was a rolled up and opening of what was rolled up.

We discuss the cause of fear and division. Fawn gives the example of Santa Monica and how the utopia bubble was getting thin, when things became more (here's the four letter word - "busy"), where people began becoming more and more busy, didn't play as often, didn't have happy hour meals as often and began to get quiet in conversation. The family began to dwindle. The free, wild, uncontrollable laughter didn't happen as much. Things felt more and more serious and soon began that new normal.

So what's the lesson here and this tiny bit of time in this tiny bit of community is the basis for our conversation today? How does revolution ignite in a peaceful heart? How can we turn it around? Here at our friendly world, we always say that friendship is the key to what ails our society. It is the key to social economic and racial conflict. Because when we see how supported we are, that we are better, stronger together, as we say, we help each other with all aspects of life, we are wealthy, we are not alone and we value each other.

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello, everyone. Hi, again, I'm so excited I picked up this book just a little bit ago. Right. And, um, the way I came across this book was really crazy because I was researching something that has nothing to do with anything, but somehow, I mean, whoa, wait a second.

Matt: [00:00:21] I would say it's kind of central to

Fawn: [00:00:23] everything. Okay. What was happening was I was doing research for something that kind of had something to do with the podcast, but anyway, in a universal roundabout way, I was guided to this book and I got it right away. I'm like, I can't believe that, that title. Okay.

I've actually talked about this book on the last episode we totally got into it. This person is here today. I will introduce him in just a second, but you know, I like to give you nuggets of wisdom.

I'm obsessed with etymology of words and everything and trying to figure out how in the heck did this happen. I looked up revolution and I promised like, [00:01:00] I wouldn't use words like that on this podcast, but here I go. Okay. The etymology of a revolution, I can't even say it it's to turn; to roll back.

Now, remember that turn roll back. The definition is really revolt, which originally meant to renounce allegiance, which is really interesting since we're always talking about friendship and community and family, you know, the family that we create, but to renounce allegiance that's revolution, another meaning is the rotation of a celestial body on its axis

motion of any figure about a center or access. Okay. Like a sudden radical. I know it was just getting too wordy, whatever, whatever a sudden radical or a complete change. Also a change in paradigm. And then I'm like, okay, well what about [00:02:00] evolution, revolution, evolution? And to me , it looks like the same thing to me, evolution and revolution.

Evolution, remember I said revolution. Remember it means turn roll back. It's interesting because

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Heather Lawrence joins us as we discuss the art of the plan and what it is. What's the plan?

How do you know it's your plan? Is there a higher plan? Is there truly free will?

What is the purpose of each person? How can we decipher between our purpose as apposed to someone else's thing; how do we know it's your deal or if it's feeling FOMO.

Is there, is there a grand scheme? Is there a divine plan?

How do we become a vibrational match to the plan that we have been wanting?

Can we plan? Should we be planning? You always hear that phrase. You know, if you want to hear God laugh, make a plan. Aren't we working as a team here?

Heather explains how the universe wants to get us to accept things the way they are not reject the way they are.

How can we get through it all????

How to be an authentic match to your dreams.

How to be in alignment

This episode we ask the questions and ponder the answers.

To reach Heather:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_advizer/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theadvizerr/videos/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@the_advizer111?lang=en

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Welcome to our friendly world. Hello? Hello? Hello. What is the plan, Matt? What's the plan. If I take a nugget of wisdom. Okay. You just asked me what nugget would you use today? Yes. So today's episode, everyone is called the art of the plan and we have a special friend with us that I'll introduce you to in just a second, but the art of a plan.

I mean, I never wanted to go back to LA. That was not my plan. When do you know, it's your plan? Is there a higher plan? Is there free will. I mean, you know, sometimes most of my life I feel like, okay, I know, I feel that the right thing, I feel the answer. I know the universe, you know, I feel like I'm part of it.

So of course I know what's up, but sometimes I'm like, well, what, what is it like what's happening? What is, is there a plan? Because [00:01:00] I don't know. Sometimes I just don't know. What is the purpose of each person? How can we decipher between our purpose? You know, your true purpose from something. You you're drawn to, it could be someone else's thing.

Right. And you're looking at them and you're feeling FOMO. So you think their plan is your plan. Do you know what I'm saying?

Matt: [00:01:25] Yeah, no, no, no, no, absolutely. You can get totally sucked into somebody's reality in many ways that if somebody is really into something and like you hang out with them, then all of a sudden you're like, wow, that's super cool.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. And you may think that, you should just stop doing what you're doing and start doing what this other person's doing for sure.

Fawn: [00:01:42] Yeah.

I, I equate it. I equate everything to eating. So it's like going to a restaurant and you think, you know what you want to order. And then someone orders tiramisu, and you're like, I want Tiramisu too.

Matt: [00:01:52] I remember going to a sushi place and ordering a certain kind of sushi. And then all of a sudden, everybody around me started ordering it. It was quite funny.

[00:02:00] Fawn: [00:02:00] So how do you know that that's happening? Some bizarre things happen in life. Some hard things happen in life and there must be a purpose to it all.

Is there a purpose purpose of that? I can't even stay at purpose. Is there, is ther

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One of our favorite friends is back! Maya Breuer joins us again as we further explore the art of community.

We begin with a quote from the movie, "Your Name":"They assemble and take shape. They twist, tangle, unravel now and then, break and reconnect. That's what a union is; what time is."

We've been really delving into the art of community here and really trying to hone in on exactly what community is and how we can have it, how we can create it, how we can continue with it, with the changing times and everything.

Community is society, it's a fellowship, it's a kind of public spirit and to an embrace, a place of connection, a place where we are not alone, a place of enrichment. It is a home of safety and protection. It is about being stronger and happier and having the sense of wellbeing. It is about being heard and getting acknowledged and VALUED.

It is about feeling supported, respected, cared for and having this feeling of love for each other. It is about compassion and love.

TRANSCRIPT:

Transcript-285

[00:00:00] Maya: [00:00:00] Her mother taught me the way she taught her. Nice. But I w as I got as my mother and I reconnected years later, she taught me special things because she was a terrific cook, but it was my grandmother who led the way. Nice. Yeah.

Fawn: [00:00:16] Not you Matt, right. Those ladies did not like anything to do with like the home,

Matt: [00:00:24] the day, every single meal.

Put it in the oven for 350 for an hour

Maya: [00:00:30] now. Oh, was it? Uh, oh no, they just

Fawn: [00:00:36] to this day, like Matt has been Matt and I have been together longer than he's been with his family. And to this day he's still traumatized and we can't eat certain things because it makes him remember childhood. So, you know, I'm middle Eastern.

So of course there's fresh beets and garlic and onions. And. And, you know, like raw veggies and all kinds of stuff. And he's like, I [00:01:00] can't do that. I can't have the watermelon, I can't have this. I can't have watermelon,

Matt: [00:01:04] had nothing to do with my family, but it had to do with your childhood and your stuff stuck on it.

But

Maya: [00:01:10] you know, it, it really takes a while to get over childhood stuff. I mean, how much longer is it going to take? How much longer is it going to take? Sometimes you never get over it. You know, when I was kid. I grew up with my grandparents and my aunt. And they would do this thing where all the, if, if other people came every other fancy stuff got shared and then like, like I re I like today I can not eat a broken cookie because we, they would go to the market and buy bags of broke.

You know, you could buy a bag of broken cookies. I love the

Fawn: [00:01:50] Dale

Maya: [00:01:51] bakeries and that was for the kids. And then we also had bagged fruit. I can't eat bagged fruit or broken [00:02:00] cookies. Oh Maya. We need, I could eat it, but I'm just, um, what do you call it? I'm rebelling. I must have a whole cookie. I must have a fresh piece of fruit that does not isn't stapled in a bag and at a lower price

Fawn: [00:02:16] you deserve, you deserve.

A whole cookie.

Maya: [00:02:20] I deserve a whole cookie and they, and, um, you know, they were my grandparents. They will lovely. I realized they were just trying to make ends meet, but still, I

Fawn: [00:02:30] didn't like it. I wonder about Elle and Alegra because that's what we do when we go t

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A rant on dissatisfaction and the desire to really live life!

Fawn needs your support on this one.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] We weren't supposed to record today. We weren't. No, because, not because of the show, but I've been experiencing burnout, major burnout, not because of the show. This show gives me life, but check it out. So the book I'm reading burnout. Um,

Matt: [00:00:19] hi, this is a hi this is Our Friendly World with Fawn and Matt

Fawn: [00:00:24] welcome to our friendly world.

It doesn't feel so friendly for me right now. I woke up dissatisfied,

Matt: [00:00:30] but the world is opening back up.

Fawn: [00:00:31] It is, I went to bed mad at you. I woke up even more mad at you. And then we got into a little fight. And during our fight, I said, you know what? Let's record our fight. Let's just record what we're talking about.

Cause it's not a fight the way you think of a fight. The way we fight is we fight the way we do. Just our, whatever, here, here it goes, guys. So emotional exhaustion as defined by, these two ladies who wrote the book "Burnout, The [00:01:00] secret of Unlocking the Stress C ycle, Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski DMA.

What, what do you want to see? The clever they're twins. Okay. Let's rock. All right. So there are three components of emotional exhaustion, which is what burnout is. Okay. Okay. So number one, emotional exhaustion, the fatigue that comes from caring too much for too long. So when you're worried about someone you love it, doesn't go away.

You're a parent. You're worried. You're frickin worried all the time, never ending. Personalization is number two, the depletion of empathy, caring and compassion. Number three is decreased sense of accomplishment and unconquerable sense of futility, feeling that nothing you do makes any difference.

I feel number one and number [00:02:00] three, I don't feel number two because empathy is totally there. Compassion is totally there. I feel a decreased sense of accomplishment and I want to cry just saying that, and I feel emotionally exhausted and the way we start our morning together, cause you wake up so much earlier than I do, but then I go to bed at 3 30, 4 o'clock, five o'clock in the morning sometimes.

And then I wake up early. So I just woke up just upset. And I, the, the way we started our day together was you came in and we started talking and I said, Matt, I am done. I'm done waiting. I want to live my life. We've been waiting for 16 years. Sure, we've done things. We've had different moves. We've had children, you know, we've made things happen, but it feels like we are waiting.

You're waiting on [00:03:00] the perfect job opportunity. I'm waiting for things to take off with my career. I am waiting for this. I'm waiting for that. You're waiting for it your way. All we do is wait and I feel so dissatisfied. And so what's the third one decreased sense of accomplishment.

And one of the things we were talking about today this morning was, I don't. I never wanted to live in Colorado. I don't understand this place. And even though I grew up in California and part of my college education was in Northern California. And then we ended up there for a couple minutes, which was what, two years?

Right around the Sausalito area. It was not okay for me. Sorry, California. Sorry, Colorado. But honestly, even though Santa Monica is in California, I know guys, but when I... help me figure this out. So this episode today, I want your [00:04:00] help, friends listening out there, can you please email me and talk to me because I seriously can't

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This is an episode dedicated to our favorite word: PHYLOTIMO. Philotimo is an all encompassing concept that gives meaning to life that stretches well beyond ourselves, as that deep seated awareness in the heart that motivates the good that a person does. Philotimo is a sense of duty to your fellow human being. It is about love and friendship. It's about giving and it's about honor. And when you break it down in Greek, Philo means friend timo means honor.

We talk about the geography of where Phylotimo was born in history and how that very same spot is paying it forward in modern times.

We ask individual questions from our expert friends at the table, like:

Of Matt we ask what tech or programs help us to be of service to our fellow human beings? We ask Paul to give us some meditation tools to provide us all with philotimo. We ask Katy how food can help us with phylotimo. Of Beth we ask for visualization tools to bring about this way of honor. I (Fawn) talks about communication and language in relation to phylotimo. We tie the episode with KJ’s expertise and her wisdom of observation to teach us they ways in which we can encourage phylotimo.

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Here we go. Hello? Hello. Hello. I always forget to say you're here because obviously you're here with me. Hi Matt. Okay. So we are here with Matt cohart. We have Katy, Katy LoSasso. Hi Katy!. We have KJ KJ. Nasrul is here, everyone. And we have our beautiful Paul Martin Lotus. Hello everybody. So my favorite thing is filo dough.

Oh dear. I love it. It's it's probably one of the only things that I'll actually get, because I like to make everything from scratch and having dissected this word dissect. Having broken this word down that I'm about to say, I [00:01:00] was like, wow. It's I feel like Homer Simpson filo dough, because, okay. Okay. So the word today's subject is Philotimo and my beautiful Greek friends,

please, can you call me, I'm sure I'm mispronouncing it. philotimo philotimo Philo Timo phyllo, Timo. There is an island it's the third largest island in Greece. It's called Lesvos. I think it was around 1922 with all the strife that was happening; the Ottoman empire, everything was breaking down in that area.

You know, world war one was just, there was such devastation. So, this group of people from they call it Asia minor, went to this island Lesbos. And it's actually where Aristotle had been many, many, many, many, many years before. And the greatest inspiration throughout history of all the [00:02:00] scholars and everything came from Aristotle.

And Aristotle's, apifany of this beautiful land, this beautiful island of Lesvos, everything originates from this place. So going back to the word, Philotimo I'm telling you about this because these people sought refuge to this island and the island embraced them. And so the entire population pretty much that lives, there are direct descendants of the people that had to flee

asia minor. Yeah. And they started their own culture, their own beautiful life. And it's really interesting, pretty much, a hundred years later, they now are paying it forward because the people that live here and I think it's illegal, but they have been embracing the people that are fleeing Turkey that are running for their lives and their arms are open [00:03:00] much like the Island's arms were open to them a hundred years before. And they'll talk about this and they'll, they'll talk about filo Timo and what, what it is. Philotimo. Philotimo is an all encompassing concept that gives meaning to life that stretches well beyond ourselves, as that deep seated awareness in the heart that motivates the good that a person does.

A philotimos person is one who conceives and enacts eagerly those things good. That's the definition. Was

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"There is geometry in the humming of the strings. There is music in the spacing of the spheres." - Pythagoras

We are graced by the lovely Maya Breuer, host of The Unity in Yoga podcast. She is, also the co-founder of the black yoga teachers Alliance, an Emeritus trustee of Kripalu and the creator of the yoga retreat for women of color.

Maya is a recipient of the YWCA's Women of Achievement Award. This our beautiful friend, is Maya Breuer. Maya Breuer continues to demonstrate commitment to educating the black and indigenous and people of color community B I P O C about health and wellbeing through yoga. She enthusiastically promotes equity and continues to influence the changing landscape of yoga.

We speak of acceptance of you who we are and where we are. And when you get grounded in that acceptance of self, it doesn't matter what anyone says. We get into how we’re reared in the United States to always compare ourselves and each other.

“ I love that I have self-acceptance. I mean, I can be neat. I can be sloppy. I can, I can be soft and gentle. I can cuss you out. You know, I live my life out loud and I think yoga gives, you know, contrary to what many people think, you know; yoga is gonna make you this, this quiet, sweet person. Yoga enables you to be who you really are. And then the more you practice, the more you delve into yoga, you let go of that thing, which I call comparison; comparing yourself with others. It's like, Oh, that's the model. I should look that way. And I'll never look that way. You know, looking at many of the models, although today there's models of every color and every shape and size, but I had to, you know, I had to accept myself and it was the yoga that really taught me how to accept myself. “

Hall of Fame Quote from the episode:

-“I've learned by learning to love myself, I can love others.”

-“Breath combined with the movement helps move good and bad, some samskara and those are impressions. Yoga, breath, consciousness, awareness, relaxation; those are the tools we get to help us find ourselves; the true self.”

-“The more you develop that inner Popeye, that's connected to the divine, that's connected to your deep inner self, the more you can accept others, but the more you're free to have all of your self available for life.”

-“Yoga is like a smart computer chip. You simply inject like, you take it in and it can come through your skin, your tissues, all your breath. And then it goes to where it needs to go. If you need it in your hip, you need it in your belly, you need it in your chest area, and it’ll find its way there if you take up the practice. The same, if you have challenges with your health, with addiction, with dullness, yoga will help you. It's such a smart computer chip.”

Maya Breuer:

https://www.yogaalliance.org/Membership_Benefits/Unity_in_Yoga

https://www.linkedin.com/in/maya-breuer-a002b65/

http://www.mayabreuer.com/

Transcript:

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello, here we go. Another star struck moment for me, honestly. , Matt helped me out because I don't want to do what I normally do, which has profess my love.

Maya: [00:00:13] It's way too late.

Fawn: [00:00:16] The whole episode will just be me saying how much I love this person. Okay. All right, here we go. Thank you. All right. We have a very beautiful guest today, someone I've been wanting to talk to for a very long time. She I'm going to

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Do you think it's a bad thing to be so interconnected? We are living in a time where we see, hear, and feel everything we are all (as a collective and individually) feeling and experiencing all at the same time. This experience of “oneness” can be devastating and hard to manage. What can we do?

We turn to a simple cure, one that is thousands of years old – The breath. In this episode, we explore breath and the way it can not only heal the body and the mind, but transform reality and change the outcome of realty as we see it.

Breath is also called prana and it means the vital energy of the universe.

Swami Rama, according to, his book, "The Science of Breath, A Practical Guide".

Swami Rama: "According to one of the schools of Indian philosophy, the whole universe was projected out of Akasha Which means space, space through the energy of prana. Akasha is the infinite all-encompassing material of the universe. And prana is the infinite all-pervading energy of the universe, cosmic energy. All the diverse forms of the universe are sustained by it. Pranayama is a science, which imparts knowledge related to the control of Parana. One who has learned to control prana has learned to control all the energies of this universe, physical and mental. He is also learned to control his body and mind."

"In short, emotions are tunnels. If you go all the way through them, you got to the light at the end. Exhaustion happens when you get stuck in an emotion." (excerpt from the book “Burnout” - by Emily Nagoski & Amelia Nagoski

if you're in a stuck emotion, if you are able to come into that space and breathe life into it, you're able to access a part of the universe that is transformative; that you can recreate, that you can go in there and Recode. . Does that make sense? Like if you get into the Akashic records, right, you go into a level where everything has history, in the universe and all the universes in that empty space is where you can create. What you focus on grows right? In that empty space is where you can rewrite things.

So if you can harness that vital energy of the universe, and then infuse; channel the energy of that universe, that breath, into wherever you are. I think you can change in an instant what is happening in and around you.

TRANSCRIPT

Fawn: [00:00:00]

[00:00:00] Hello. Welcome to our table. Welcome to the table. Welcome to your table. Our house is your house. Technically, this is Mark Beran's and Kelly Beran's house, but you know what I mean? Our house is your house. mi casa es tu casa

Our home is your home. Our table is your table. This is all of our table. Is that right? The English and my grammar proper. Anyway, welcome everyone to the table. Our round table. Welcome to our friendly world today. We have Katie. We have, Paul, we have Beth. We have KJ. If anyone wants to reach out to them, go to the show notes and all their links are there.

There are links are also on our website, https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/and you'll learn all about their [00:01:00] podcasts and everything that they're doing in the world. Check them out. Um, and also any, any other things, friendly reminders, anyone, anyone want to have a friendly reminder out there? Okay, man.

Hello. When did you say before we started the show, Matt, I have no idea. You said I need to take a breath. And that is ours. That is our topic today. We're talking about breath and really the reason why I wanted to talk about breath was this. So we were talking Matt and I were talking last week and I was like, oh my God.

I, I can't take anymore because we were talking about the news. I'm like what's. And I was

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Lisa Calkins of Halfblast Studios joins our blockchain talk, but we get very human with it and talk about such things as fraud and the fact that it doesn't always just happen the way that you think it happens . Lisa explains credit card fraud and fraud in general.

Also, why you will never forget your password again… Why taking a small step toward responsibility of your password management is good for you and good for other people.

Lisa gets very real and you will feel empowered. Here are some nuggets from the episode:

NUGGET OF WISDOM FROM LISA: -And one of the things that was so exciting to me and, valuable to me about blockchain was that I didn't understand it at all. I had to learn it and the whole team had to learn it. And those early entire year, every day I would learn something. And then the next day I would realize whatever I learned wasn't really right or true.And then I would learn again and then I wouldn't understand it. And then some would ask me a question. I have no idea how to answer it, and I would have to learn it again. And what an exciting time that is, professionally and personally.

NUGGET OF WISDOM FROM LISA: …adoption is always hard because actually most people don't like a lot of change. It's one of the misnomers in technology that people who aren't in technology think technologists are so innovative and creative and constantly like building new things and thinking very innovatively.

NUGGET OF WISDOM FROM LISA: … in any industry in teaching, there's only a subset of people who are really doing innovative work. Most of the other people, like the fact that everything stays in their framework that they're comfortable in. So blockchain is not that. And blockchain is really extremely different from a technology perspective.

NUGGET OF WISDOM FROM LISA: … blockchain is a piece of this big solution. It's not taking over the world. It's taking over a big piece of what was [00:12:00] not being done very well or solved.

NUGGET OF WISDOM FROM LISA: … the dirty, big secrets. They're not dirty little secrets. They're dirty, big secrets. In systems today and in business today, there is an amazing amount of fraud. Unbelievable. In fact, I am the optimist quite, probably like Fawn. And when I was exposed to how much fraud there was, it made me so disheartened and sad and crazy. Like if we could help reduce fraud by a very small percentage, the amount of money that could be in the economy is insane.

fraud doesn't always just happen the way that you think it happens . Lisa explains credit card fraud: “So do you realize who actually paid for that fraud. It's the flower company, the credit card company takes the money back out of that small business transaction.

They go take the money out of, even up to six months later, some credit cards a year later, the money actually doesn't get lost in the middle. It's actually taken out of a small business.”…” The small business is the one that loses out. The small business is the one who is actually the end result of fraud. Well, let's talk about it. How are they going to change the world and force us to change our model? [00:26:00] Usually it's because consumers help drive that, right? The mass people drive that change, but you don't even know or realize it's happening, right?

If everybody realized my local flower shop my local restaurant, the coffee shop, the doughnut shop, whatever it is, a person selling, whatever, even startups, creating new companies, even selling online, whatever it might be. They're the ones who it comes out of their account. And so it's part of doing business. They have to do a write off account. They have to manage

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Today we have our fantastic, amazing friend, Paul, who is leading this session today on the concept of self-principle as a whole, being an action. It's the actions we take on our thoughts that come up.

The conversation further travels to the concept intelligence of multiple intelligence theory and how all these ways of thinking and being transforms us and society.

We also talk about school, all kinds of different forms of intelligence, finding other ways, other paths in our lives that don’t go with the status quo but reveal our true selves and our true gifts.

Hall of Fame quotes from the episode:

the more we practice it, the more it becomes us,

I am not defined by how other people choose to see me. I'm defined by who I am. -Not the perception, not the looking through the lens of someone else's experience.

if everyone likes you, you're doing something wrong.

Winston Churchill - If you find yourself traveling through hell for God's sake, keep going.

Paul: say like, if another addict came into the rehab and they were, they were crying about that life being so down and terrible, you know, Beforehand, he would have just been like, Oh, it's just another addict. That my, my life's bad. I'm not going to care about your life, but now he's like, I understand you. I feel you, when you go, when you go into their shoes and feel them, and then you, you feel sad for them and then you love them when they can't love themselves. That's empathy.

Katy: We have to we have to forgive, we have to give people encouragement for the good job like our children, like, Oh, you're doing such a good job. You have to have empathy for people with they're going through every day in certain stressful situations. Love is like everybody love is everything, you know, it's just, it has to be everywhere.

everything is love.

the multiple intelligences theory,

Gardner introduced the idea that every single thing that we can do is a arena of intelligence.

Beth: there are definitely different definitions behind behind these values and principles. What might be a principle for my mother or for my logically minded family members, I didn't hold the same. I didn't hold it in the same light.

Beth: I think that the curriculum should be built around what KJ is talking about. You know, if you built it around the different intelligences than you would allow everybody to be who they are in one of those themes and the world would be a better place because you'd be starting much younger, believing in yourself, believing in what you have as gifts for the world are true and rightful and should be, should be used in the world.Instead of trying to fit into this almost just academic route that we, we tend to place on people. So the whole curriculums need to change. Maybe it will. That's my hope.

Transcript:

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello everybody. Hello. Welcome to a friendly world. Welcome to our round table. Connected round table. Connected. We talk about all the different ways we are interconnected. We have friends from around the world at the table, and every week we have a different topic. Today's topic is self principle, and I am so excited to introduce you to Paul Martin also known as Lotus, who will be leading us through our session today? At our table today, we have my love, Matt Anderson. We have our beautiful, beautiful Katy LoSasso. Hello. We have our beautiful Beth Hewitt. We have our beautiful KJ. You're beautiful too, Matt. Thank you. All right. We have KJ Nasrul here. We have me. [00:01:00] Hello? I'm Fawn. Thanks babe. All right. So today when we have beautiful Paul, I did say Paul and I was just about to say we have a new cu

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We welcome Jason Wallace and Trevor DeSaussure from the podcast, Lyrics and Lattes. And these guys are so lovely, inspiring, upbeat, positive, and so deep. They gift their listeners with wisdom, so many life lessons; provide perfect self-development though breaking down lyrics of hip hop.

https://www.lyricsandlattes.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lyricsandlattes/

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello? Hello. Hello everyone. Welcome to our friendly world. Very special guests today. I am really excited. Listen to this.

" The art of a people is a true mirror to the minds."- Jawaharlal Nehru. Here's another one by Georgia. O'Keeffe: "I found, I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way -things I had no words for." And then Leonardo da Vinci: " Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt. And poetry is painting. That is felt rather than seen. "

Today we have two amazing, amazing men here. And their podcast is just, I think the best podcast I've ever heard.

Matt: [00:00:55] It's a great name. Isn't it?

The podcast is called Lyrics and [00:01:00] Lattes. And these guys are so lovely and so inspiring and so upbeat and so positive and so deep. They have so much wisdom, so many life lessons to help us with, so much self-development, tips from your favorite hip hop songs, they break lyrics down. And it's like, for me, it's like going back to school when I had the most amazing teachers break down Hemingway and, you know, things that kind of like I would read, but they would go over my head and then the, the, the professor would break it down and say, what do you think this person meant by this sentence or this one word?

Or, you know, and, and we would spend hours talking about one sentence and it transformed my entire life. This is what Jason and Trevor do, [00:02:00] Jason Wallace and Trevor DeSaussure Trevor, am I pronouncing your last name? Right? The

Trevor: [00:02:06] first person to ever get that right on the first try.

Fawn: [00:02:11] So everyone friends out there, please help us welcome Jason and Trevor from the podcast Lyrics and Lattes. Ah, it is, I, I am so glad I met you guys. We met at Podfest. They did a presentation and, uh, I, I was flying. I was so I'm still so excited. And this was what? A week ago? Two weeks ago. When was it? I don't even remember, but I am forever transformed and so uplifted. I'm just so excited by these people. Right. Let's get to all right. All right. So today's subject is going to sound like it's not upbeat at all, but Trevor and Jason have a really great [00:03:00] pulse. Like they have, what do you call what's the term when they have a pulse on society? Is that the term?

Yeah. Yeah, they have that. So they break down these amazing songs and, and really help you in life. They're amazing coaches. So, first of all, I guess I should say welcome Trevor and Jason, Hello!

Trevor: [00:03:23] That was one heck of an intro. Thanks for having me.

Jason: [00:03:26] We got to really deliver now. Don't we?

Fawn: [00:03:31] I love you guys. And you were so funny. Did I mention they're funny, please check them out. They are hysterically funny, right? No, absolutely. Um, so today's topic guys is society's greatest pain, greatest challenge. We talk about art all the time. I talk about art, you know, art. My background is that you're also an artist, Matt.

I never, I never considered computer programming and math and all of [00:04:00] that to be an art form, but it really is. It's in, and it's i

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This episode is on Blockchain, Philotimo and getting along from historical fights to modern day slights:

Without thinking of all these cultures and all these different languages, all these different ideas that live right there in that tiny area, they just were crammed in without any kind of regard to a sense of honor, a sense of history.

What happens when you centralized a bunch of decentralized platforms? Like every culture is a platform for its own people. And then what happened was that they tried to centralize it and then they divided arbitrarily and the platforms just clashed.

This episode concludes by saying that trying to connect it to what we started talking about; a language that everybody understands and everybody communicates through the word Esperanto in that language means hope.

So the idea was to stay hopeful; that people can come together and understand each other.

Fawn’s thoughts on the problems that began in the middle east: What happens when you don't pay attention? It's basically racism. You don't have regard for life and you don't have respect. You're not really looking and listening. In my own heart, this is how I break things down to myself to make sense of humanity. Like why, why things happen; so basically it feels like everyone was just put into a box. All these people that have very strong opinions and strong culture, strong languages, strong art, strong, everything like there, we’re just lumping all of you into this one arbitrary area (speaking of the governments that took charge after World War I). And many, many centuries old cultures and societies like the Ottoman empire, disintegrated because of the lack of respect for the people in the area who were put into a teeny tiny little areas and they all had to live together, but there was no commonality. In this tiny area with all these different languages, there was no communication. And so we have more strife.

Mostafa: the backlash that we've seen has been just because of what you explained going against the forces of culture that have been running through that land and those people for hundreds and thousands of years… today you might know the country of Iran as an Islamic country, but the Persian culture goes back thousands of years at least 2,500 years is documented. And so people are familiar with Alexander the Great. He got the word "GREAT" attached to his name because he conquered the Persians and he set Persepolis on fire which was the capital of Persia. Now I want to go and talk about when the Arabs invaded Persia and brought Islam a new software for the mind, a new way, a new set of relationships that define the Arab people and they brought it to the Persians.

There was a backlash for 200 years there was turmoil. And then when the Persians gradually found themselves again through a resurgence of culture they lost, the Persian culture blossomed again, and this time shaped the Islamic culture. So in many ways, the art and science that you see within the Islamic heritage comes from the Persians.

Fawn: You really have to dig deep and really understand the history and understand why a certain culture is behaving the way they are right now.

Let's go back to Turkey, let's go back to the Ottoman empire. Let's go back and see really what, what is it that these children are screaming about? And by children, I mean, humanity. You know, when someone is in pain and they're screaming, the screaming may shift as you get older, but it's still a baby that is desperately crying for basic necessities.

The solution for peace: On

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The Family We Create – Families of All Kinds: this episode is the perfect example of family, the family that we create and showing that it really entails families of all kinds. And interestingly enough, it's also the song title (“Families of All Kinds”) of one of the songs on Jen Cleary's new album “All Together Now!” written and produced for children and families and celebrating environmental and social consciousness (which, by the way, our baby girl did the album cover art of!).

Jen Cleary is a folk, rock, and blues singer-songwriter, and one of her amazing family members, her daughter, Dorje Dolma, the author of "Yak Girl: Growing Up in the Remote Dolpo Region of Nepal" is here!

We discuss the double layered meanings of Jenn’s music, the stories that led to the songs, the meaning of family, and get immersed in the fantastic story of how Jenn and Dorje met on this tiny yet immense and perfectly synchronized blue dot and created a blossoming family that is now many arms outstretched around the world.

Their beautiful family story brings love and hope!

Hall of fame quote from the show:

“ You just have to trust in yourself and trust in the others... when those right people come in your life. And even if it's a little bit uncertain, you kind of have to keep moving forward. So even if I get scared, I just believe that it's going to be okay.” – Dorje Dolma

https://jenncleary.com/

http://www.dorjearts.com/

https://www.amazon.com/Yak-Girl-Growing-Remote-Region/dp/1591812887

Yak Girl: Growing Up in the Remote Dolpo Region of Nepal

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We have been taught to think that when something is scarce, then the value goes up, but should it? Because I'm looking at human beings and I'm thinking about the 99% not being valued. And the 1% that are valued, the 1% that have the majority of the currency, the majority of the money in our society, how come they are in that state and how come the 99% are so undervalued?!

But if you really think about it, we are more valuable than the 1%. And I think that we're not treated as valuable because we are so disconnected from one another. That's my personal theory that if we were truly to connect with one another energetically and physically, that if we shared our ideas and we helped each other out, the 1% would have no power.

Does that make any sense to anybody? And then I'm thinking about money and the value of a person. And what is money? Is it a tool? Of course it is. But is it a tool for manipulation? Has some piece of paper, coin, or ethereal coin crossed the line over to manipulation and how we make money? How does that all work? Is it done with integrity or greed or desperation? How does self-esteem play a factor?

I would like to use the Socratic method by asking questions for us to get somewhere in our conversations where we can figure things out. I really believe we can figure out a way. Socrates often asked questions that went against the traditions and reflections of Athens. And so we may ask, I may ask certain questions, but I mean, no disrespect. I'm trying to understand things and I'm trying to understand a way for us all to come together again.

This roundtable takes us through politics, the economy, self-worth, ethics and a bit of history as we ask questions and define some important terms in order to create change.

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello, everyone. Welcome to our round table. Connected.

Matt: [00:00:04] Hello?

Hi everybody. Today we have Paul. We have Katie.

Katy: [00:00:11] Hi,

Fawn: [00:00:11] we have Beth.

Beth: [00:00:13] Hi, everybody.

Fawn: [00:00:14] And we have KJ. Okay. KJ is on the road you guys, she is driving. Uh, well, she's in the passenger seat, but she's in a car. All right. Today's show is currency. What is it?

Matt: [00:00:29] What is it?

Fawn: [00:00:30] All right. I'll give you some definitions. Currency is a medium of exchange. By the way our round- table is about connected. We're all connected. We are interconnected and our conversations revolve around how we are truly interconnected. And one of the ways in which we are connected is through currency.

So I want to talk about that and it's not just money either. And you'll see we'll get into it. So currency is a medium of [00:01:00] exchange for goods and services in the form of some material. It can be paper, money, coins, et cetera, issued by a government and generally accepted at its face value as a method of payment.

So there, it has like five definitions for currency. If you look it up, it's something that is used as a medium of exchange, like money. It is, something that is generally accepted, a general acceptance, prevalence and Vogue, whatever is in vogue. The third definition is a time or period during something that is widely accepted, and circulated.

So a time period, right; like current events. The fourth definition is the fact or quality of being widely accepted and circulated from person to person. Circulation, as of coin is the fifth one. [00:02:00] And then when I looked at "current", it is passing in time belonging to the time actually passing like current events.

It is something that is prevalent or customary. It is something that is popular. It is som

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Tech #4

We continue with social responsibility and how the omelette caused discourse in the neighborhood and changes business. We talk about Toyota and emotions being a driving factor in purchasing power.

Mostafa: That reminds us that business is something that transcends beyond just exchange of products in return for money or some value. It is multidimensional. And it's a long-term relationship that the business needs to create with the customers. And the more we are advancing through , time, the more businesses are realizing this.

Fawn brings up the issue of access – access to internet/cable/health

protecting refugee identity rights.

Monero is the Esperanto word for money. Esperanto, if you are into that kind of thing is a language that was designed to bring Liberty and freedom to the world in the 18 hundreds, 19 hundreds.

The companies who are not acting responsibly they're usually taking advantage of the loopholes for example Apple, Amazon, and all these companies that are not paying their federal taxes. Either, they're using tax havens or they're putting their financial operations in different countries and other countries they're doing this because there is a loophole that allows them to do so.

happy apple vegan on Instagram. This was her question from the first show we did she, she goes Mostafa and Matt is crypto going to be the death of paper currency?

Crypto currency and homeless population

Did you know that gold was outlawed in the 1930s in the United States?

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Oh, my goodness.

Matt: [00:00:02] Hello.

Fawn: [00:00:02] We are back. Hello? Hello. Hi friends. We are back. We are back with our beautiful professor Mostafa Purmehdi and.

Mostafa: [00:00:12] Hello everyone.

Fawn: [00:00:14] Hi, everybody. We are going to continue where we left off with social responsibility. And if you go back there is a link in the show notes to the previous shows.

So, or this is a series we're doing with our professor here and we're getting into blockchain and how that's changing our humanity, changing our entire lives. How we get a leg up on this thing, especially if you're someone like me, who is non-techie non beetle, beep boop (Fawn makes robot sounds) people. And so last week we were talking about social responsibility and the conversation got so deep.

I feel like even for me, I'm like this wasn't techie enough. So now we're going to get really [00:01:00] into the tech of it regarding social responsibility. Why are you giving me that weird look,

Matt: [00:01:06] I always give you that weird look,

Fawn: [00:01:07] God, it throws me off.

Matt: [00:01:09] Well then don't look at me.

Fawn: [00:01:11] Oh, here we go.

Love is winning. You get a little perturbed right now.

Why don't you get into the nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica? Cause this is your favorite. You

talk about it all the time.

Matt: [00:01:28] I then to say favorite is kind of an odd thing, cause it's not really a particularly happy story, but anyways so Sundays in Santa Monica on Main Street, there's a farmer's market at the Victorian Inn. Life is awesome.

So you go to the Victorian , you get some pastries, you get some coffee, hang out with your little

friends,

Fawn: [00:01:47] backup, backup. So you guys it's the farmer's market on main street in Santa Monica. Now there's a big farmer's market on third street promenade and everybody from all over LA [00:02:00] comes to that one.

This one was our little neighb

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Hall of fame quote from this episode - Matt: Everybody has like one yard stick and that's a big problem because it allows us to measure everyone against this one yard stick.

Fawn talks about Ancient Greece, Sparta, and the similarities to the government style of rule in the United States, in a way, asking if we are treated as the same way these ancient governments treated people in their society.

How can we have equilibrium?

How does currency and war factor in the society? What is the price for a country like the United States (a country that has always been at war of some kind)? What kind of society has that created? What kind of feelings is now embedded within our bodies and our spirit from the generational violence that we don’t fully understand we take part in (that we have been part of)?

We also talk about how we measure time. Why is it that time seems to stand still sometimes?

Why do we settle for situations that are not life affirming?

Can you distinguish between your true desire, and desiring something out of envy?

Why does it seem like we always want more? Fawn has an answer.

When can we throw out and get rid of the yard stick? Matt has the answer.

Matt: “Let the world surprise you.”

At the end of the episode (around min 58), Fawn has a very cool share that may help those of you frustrated with waiting for something big in your life to happen.

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Here we go. Here we are. Here we go.

Matt: [00:00:05] Good evening. Good night.

Fawn: [00:00:06] Hello everybody. I just recently learned what GMT was. Cause I couldn't figure out when our show airs and I was telling everyone midnight, one minute past midnight folks! And my friends over in Seattle, they're like, we're hearing you at 6:00 PM at dinner time is when we listen.

I'm like, no, it comes out at one minute past midnight for those of you in the UK. That's when it comes out. Good morning. Good evening. Good afternoon. Hi everybody.

Matt: [00:00:33] Hello. See, I always knew what Greenwich Mean was because yeah, I had to book, I read and they said Greenwich effing Mean it was just funny.

Fawn: [00:00:43] So why is everything revolving around the UK and

not everything?

Okay.

Well, all right.

Let's not

Matt: [00:00:49] forget that once upon a time, the sun never set on the British empire and that was like a thing. What do you mean? Well, they had so much territory all around the world that. Anywhere, [00:01:00] like anywhere, like the sun was always up over one section of it because they own flipping everything right.

From India to Australia, to South Africa

to,

Fawn: [00:01:11] yeah, it's funny because when I would travel all the time for photography and everywhere I went, there was a stamp from the British, like there was something they left behind, you know what I mean? And it was usually a very scary, like I kill you here. All right.

Um, it was two 30 in the morning. There was an earthquake Santa Monica, and one of the biggest cockroaches started climbing up the wall.

Matt: [00:01:43] Is this a Nugget of Wisdom??

Fawn: [00:01:45] Yeah, negative. And, you know, I had Herman and Harriet visit me every Saturday night when everyone else was on a date, including these cockroaches, Herman and Harriet.

Matt: [00:01:55] Right.

Fawn: [00:01:56] That I called Herman and Harriet. I swear every Saturday when everyone [00:02:00] else seemed like they were on a date, these two () I already talked about this, but reminder ),these two cockroach

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What are the guiding emotions of our society are right now? What did we do when we had no parameters of time when we were children; when there were no instructions other than to go and do? Who is the real you? What does it mean to feel like YOU? When did you feel most like YOU? What are some examples of “Happy Places”? What are the words, sounds, colors, scents, movements associated with your place of honor and happiness?

What is the true definition of art? What are some ways to express what is in our realm of life and can we get key insights that are right before our eyes that we may have been oblivious to?

This roundtable comes from a gathering session (one of KJ’s wonderful online courses) led by our brilliant KJ Nasrul where she guided us through our emotions using art. What transpired was this roundtable discussing in depth the art of creativity and compassion. KJ provides guidance and support for this very healing episode.

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello, everybody. Welcome to connected where we are all interconnected and we're finding out ways in which we are. Today we have our beautiful friends. We have Paul ,Beth, Katy, and KJ today.

Matt: [00:00:17] AND Matt!

Fawn: [00:00:18] I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry. Matt is here too. Everybody .Love is winning. Today we are focusing on compassion, expression, emotion, creativity, in celebration of our friend KJ who's a psychotherapist and this amazing healer. Most of us just came off of one of her sessions she did with us a gathering. We had a gathering of creativity and compassion. So with that, I looked up the word art. And it's weird because I've been an artist most of my life, but everyone always freaks out on the [00:01:00] definition of it.

I'm a photographer and a lot of people don't consider that art. I found that very bizarre, but here's what it is. It's a noun, the expression or application of human, creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or a sculpture producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.

Do you see that it doesn't even put music in there or poetry?

Matt: [00:01:30] I was going to call that out right away.

Yeah. Um, or dance, I mean, or literature, which is poetry too. I mean, definitions are very weird. And also how we define ourselves, how we define our societies, how we define our self-worth how we define everything.

I mean, my goodness, there's so much, there's so much. And so let's start off with KJ KJ. [00:02:00] Please tell everyone out there what we just went through like our, about our gathering. That didn't sound right. Tell everyone about our session with you because I went through a lot. I really went through a lot. I'm still trying to understand what the heck happened with my head.

KJ: [00:02:19] Oh, um, goodness. Well, thank you. By the way, for inviting me to speak a little bit about it. The gathering that we just experienced earlier today was my invitation for folks to actually first define and identify what they do believe art and expression and compassion mean. And what I found over the years of doing this research is that what you highlighted when we started this episode, Fawn is that there are clear cut definitions that we [00:03:00] have definitely embraced and I was curious as to where that came from and the hope of this gathering these meetings are to help folks redefine. So identify what we believe is creativity and expression and health and, and art and compassion and self care. And then maybe redefine with our new and current ways of being.

And I encourage it from an embodied sense. So the way that we wrapped up our meeting was, I asked peopl

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Blockchain #3 - Social Responsibility.

Our series on Blockchain and how it will empower people, with Prodessor Mostafa Purmehdi continues. This episode defines social responsibility and talks about how companies and countries have behaved (the good, the bad, and the really horrifying like King Leopold II of Belgium).

From Greenwashing to individual responsibility, to how beneficial it is to depend on entities like humanitarian and ecological groups to keep companies honest and if that even makes a difference.

How can we start now to have true social responsibility? We discuss ways in which blockchain is the key to ending human and enironmental suffering and injustice.

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In this episode:

To hope is to intend with some possibility of fulfillment, to be optimistic, to expect a wish. The noun form of it is a general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled. All this is in anticipation that something will happen.

We're waiting on something.

Faith and hope are complimentary. Faith is the substance of things hoped for. Faith is grounded in the reality of the past. Hope is looking to the reality of the future.

While everybody is really trying to live their best lives, you can't, you don't always, you can try, you can strive. But the world has a nasty habit of giving you the yin and the yang, the good and the bad, the male and the female in equal portions in your life. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down

We also talk about being vulnerable and how that is seen as weakness. We don't talk about any of this. And I wonder why. Is it seen as weakness? What is it? Is that we don't have time to even talk? Is it because there is no one around that's listening?

We talk about the work of Dr. Mario Martinez and how culture affects your health and one’s aging process. And it's all about belief; the belief system.

If we come together, we can create something that we thought was impossible. We can create a society that is peaceful.

Matt says there's a number of different switches we need to flip as an entire society. Uh, I think one of the switches we need to flip this, this concept of scarcity that I can't have something because somebody else already has it, or because, or thinking that there's such a limited pool of resources that I have to somehow or another, get it from someone else. I have to steal it. I have to grab an opportunity away from someone. So this is a whole kind of thought of scarcity. And I think we also need to stay very conscious of understanding exactly what success is. Success is not a $50 million home with 10 exotic cars and et cetera, et cetera, and children in Harvard, you know, I think that that's certainly a measure, but it's not the only measure of what success really looks like.

Can we feel rich without the big mansion? Can we feel rich without the stuff?

Remember that pain loss longing that you go through has a beginning, a middle and an end, and you should respect all three, especially, hopefully the end, if it's something bad.

Transcript:

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello?

Fawn and Matt: [00:00:01] Hello? Hello.

Fawn: [00:00:02] I like how you smile when you say hello .Lately, I'm just like, hello.

Matt: [00:00:08] Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening.

Fawn: [00:00:10] Hello everybody around the world. Thank you for listening. Do you remember when we used to laugh? We would even start the show like in midst of laughter. I don't know if that's possible anymore.

Can we do that? Well, it happened again. I hope so. Hope, hope, hope, hope we talked about faith. A couple of shows back. We did a whole show, keeping the faith.

Matt: [00:00:38] Does that mean we're going to have to do charity too to be schoolhouse? Rock compliant?

Fawn: [00:00:42] No.

Matt: [00:00:43] Okay. Fair enough.

Fawn: [00:00:44] Sorry.

Matt: [00:00:45] It's all right. I never watched schoolhouse rock.

Fawn: [00:00:48] Um, I don't know. I mean, what is hope? Hope is mostly used as a verb and to inten

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This roundtable is about the physiological feat that’s necessary for survival; hibernation, and the various forms we go within and “slumber” to regain not only life, but understanding. And then we discuss the ways in which we reemerge and blossom.

How do we come out of our slumber spiritually, emotionally and physically after the time we have just lived through?

We share all the different ways in nature we go within (from all the different periods of time animals hibernate, to being an introvert, a society going through dark times, to living inside of a pandemic) and all the different ways we can reemerge and come out better and more powerful.

We talk about the meaning of renaissance (rebirth from Latin) and how throughout history we have come out of the darkness, and reemerged with art and imagination and created societies with greater knowledge of spirituality, ingenuity, creativity, ambition, scholarly feats, and awakening to a beautiful world.

We are entering a new world that we are building together.

How do we come out of our slumber spiritually, emotionally and physically after the time we have just lived through?

We are entering a new world that we are building together.

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] All right, everyone. Welcome to connected our round table of friends showing how truly interconnected we all are. Today's topic is reemergence reemergence.

A sperm whale can spend around 90 minutes hunting underwater before coming back to surface to breathe .Different types of whales, spend different amounts of time underwater and some go deeper than others.

What's interesting about whales is they exhale first, getting rid of all the stale air in their lungs before taking in fresh clean air, a fresh, clean breath. As humans, we tend to breathe in first and then exhale, leaving a lot of stale air in our lungs. So as humans, we absorb only 5% of the oxygen in a single breath. [00:01:00] A whale can absorb as much as 90% of oxygen in each breath.

Today I tried to totally exhale, exhale, exhale, as much as I could. And when you think you can't do some more and then naturally you start getting all the air coming in and then you slowly exhale and it feels amazing, with just one breath, it's amazing how you get this rush in your brain of like, you just get a rush. And I got a little bit dizzy myself

So, volcanoes, volcanoes can be dormant for 10,000 years until they have their reemergence. There's a physiological feat that's necessary for animal survival, and that is a hibernation. Another kind of reemergence that can happen is through hibernation.

Check this out. Bears can hibernate from anywhere between five and six [00:02:00] months without moving from their den. Also, there are other animals like box turtles who hibernate three to four months, wood frogs for three months, common poor wills, one to three mo

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Notes from this episode: ART and NFT

Have you all noticed how change seems to be occurring more and more often and happening faster and bigger than ever before?

The thing about change is that it is never comfortable; there is a period of growth and adjustment. What we may forget is that we can’t be complacent and say to ourselves “I’ve made it through this change and now I can relax “. It's stressful when you see change coming. And when it comes, it's really stressful to adapt to the change. And then what gets us into trouble is when we think this change we’ve adapted to is it. The thing about it is it's ever evolving. So you can't say, okay, I can be comfortable now that we’ve made it into this new phase and think this will be it forever. And it's not. As soon as you get the hang of things, things change again. We have to be comfortable in the ongoing movement of life that is ever changing.

We are on the precipice of a huge revolutionary shift that we’re about to experience with technology.

Mostafa: “We are going to experience huge shifts. The good news is this is not the first time human race; our civilized society has been going through this. We've done this a few in the history, but every time seems, kind of new because, we are going through a new phenomenon.”

Some questions we ask:

The art world: What’s Fawn’s beef with that industry? How is art going to be transformed creatively and financially by blockchain and the NFT? How do we gain power over our intellectual properties?

Are we just going to have an NFT for everything? How do we acquire NFTs?

How does music come into this and musicians and making money from their art? All these different facets of art and our different definitions of art; how does that work with NFTs? Can a musician who's just starting out or even if they're not, like, let's say you're a Taylor Swift or something; how does the NFT change music?

How could NFTs benefit musicians and terms of use? Mostafa: “ I think with NFT, artists are gonna make their art more accessible. They're gonna rethink how much they charge different content creators for using their art. And it's gonna facilitate a replication of their art, which eventually will be of benefit to them.”

Digital image with an NFT: can I make copies for all my friends?

MOSTAFA: HEADLINER OPTION

Suzanne vega. That's great.

Some body did an I dream of Jeannie version of it.

So I heard this tune and when I was a kids didn't know who she was, certainly, but it really, you know, sat into my memory and I, and I would hum it all the time, never knowing who sang it at first time. Certainly didn't know the story behind it until very recently.

The way it works is that she made this song out of a real-life experience she had; this Tom's Diner is where she used to have breakfast. And it was not a popular song until some other group made a remix of it.

Yes,

yes. They made a dance version of it. Yes.

How much did she earn out of that? Not much. Just the name and then, you know, so, with an NFT, if she makes the art, attaches an NFT, and let's say at the moment of creation of the art, she's not really thinking about, Oh, this is gonna blow up.

I'm not gonna, maybe she's not really thinking about making money. Right. But when that happens and suddenly, you know, people are paying attention to it, it becomes a universal phenomenon, how can we trace it back to the artists and make sure that she's compensated. That's what NFT does. It facilitates it. It makes all the footsteps traceable.

To see Fawn's photography:

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Fawn and Matt open this show with the admission that it’s hard to feel inspired to talk about a friendly world when the world sometimes appears anything but friendly. All countries and cultures have been experiencing so much hardship and with the rise in violence in the United States, Fawn finds it hard to keep a positive outlook. But they try, and they recall all the kindness they have experienced in their lives. They keep telling and recalling stories until they begin to feel more hope.

TRANSCRIPT: Keep the Faith – episode 41

Nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica – The rollerblading knight in shining armor who told Fawn to stop crying and to have Faith.

Hall of Fame Quotes from this episode:

On feeling bad or having a bad day:

Matt: …everybody has those moments and those days. And I think it's so important during those days to take us back that we really take a look at and really hopefully try and remember those moments of kindness from the past and hold ourselves open to those moments of kindness coming to us in the future.

On being open to kindness:

Matt: “…it seems like I refused to make myself vulnerable to anything and anyone. And so nobody could really give me an act of kindness because I didn't even allow them the opportunity to even understand what that may look like, because I was so like guarded and angry.”

Matt: “…it can be interesting the way an act of kindness can get magnified; Just the tiniest little thing.”

Matt: “You never know where your kindness is going and you never know if your kindness will rebound on you, which is why you should be kind.”

Matt: “kindness is one of those things that grows. And sometimes you don't even know why things are going well, but we'd like to say like attracts, like, and what you focus on grows. So if you focus on kindness, if you focus on helping people, if you focus on, in those moments, hopefully, and we've experienced it in those moments where you need people to be kind, when you're in that situation, as I like to say, Battlestar Galactica, quote out there for you, sometimes you gotta roll the hard six. When you're in those situations, if you have been kind in the past and you're drawing in kindness, then you know, hopefully you will receive it. Because you're focused on kind.”

Matt: “A smile and a nod makes you feel good.”

MixPre-238

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello, everyone. Welcome to our friendly worlds.

Matt: [00:00:04] Welcome. Welcome!.

Fawn: [00:00:05] Hello. Kindness comes from the old English word, kindness, meaning nation

Matt: [00:00:13] (Matt laughs) kindness comes from kindness.

Fawn: [00:00:15] I know don't you love the dictionaries, but this is the etymology of it. Let me start over. Kindness comes from the old English word kynd. This it's actually KYNDNES.

Yeah. K Y N D N E S. Meaning nation or produce i

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Roundtable #3

Today we celebrate our friend, Beth Hewitt’s book “The Power of Scripting” which teaches exactly how to go about having the life we dream of.

We speak of visualization and the utter joy and delight of a moment.

We also come together to create a vision for a better world.

QUOTE HALL OF FAME FROM THIS EPISODE:

KJ quote: “…things are pretty, pretty wonky and bananas right now on many levels, but also on so many levels and intimate levels in the kitchen of our homes are these miracles that are happening.”

Paul: “…in the past three years of my life, when I got clean and sober off drugs and alcohol, my life has just flourished into my dreams coming true. You know, my mind just forgets that so quickly, so I just have to challenge that mind every day…

KJ: …the grace to ask; the grace to pause and notice (as Beth had mentioned, and we've mentioned in the conversation before) the grace and space to notice that you have within your five, six senses, everything you need to manifest and bring, forth. So my hope and holding for us, each other, and the world, is the permission and the kindness and the grace and the space to ask for it.

We learn Katy overcame MS at an early age with the help of visualization.

Learn how Katy and Nii came to the point where they could call the shots of how they work and when they work and how that has been an extremely powerful thing for them in their careers.

Find out a visualization technique Paul used to become sober and get clarity.

Nii explains the importance of understanding that you can create money without you having to trade time for dollars, and that money is just a tool that has nothing to do with accumulating money, but it really is about the experience of a quality of life.

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello, everyone. Hello friends. This is connected. We have a round table show called connected. Here we are. This is it. Here we are. We are with a group of friends here to discuss how truly interconnected we all are. Today's subject is the power of visualization. What we are creating for each other, what we are creating in our lives, the power of the word, the power of visualization.

Basically. Matt, did I miss something?

Matt: [00:00:36] No, you didn't miss a darn thing,

Fawn: [00:00:38] are you sure?

Matt: [00:00:38] Pretty sure.

Fawn: [00:00:39] Okay. So for example, years ago, Matt and I, it was one I was born. Was Allegra born back then, do you know what I'm going to talk about? The coffee, the coffee. Where are we with Allegra? That it doesn't matter.

Anyway, I digress. So we're, we're getting coffee. We're on Bainbridge Island and we were [00:01:00] parents. I think Allegra was just born too, but the only outings we would have would be to Town & Country Market .Town and Country Market is actually quite famous because, , it is a store.

Help me out, Matt, you want to jump in there? , it's a family owned store, a Japanese family. During the 1940s, the government decided to

. Yeah. Bainbridge Island has a dubious honor. Terrible honor of being the first place where they actually, during World War II, took Japanese families and dragged them to internment camps.

(sarcasticly) Awesome. Really great legacy.

And so Town & Country was a family owned business, Japanese owned business. They were taken away. And all the people that worked at Town & Country formed banded together, came together and sustained this beautiful market. And this market is [00:02:00] the most amazing center of the entire

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How Tech Can Empower and Change Human Beings - Blockchain: Utopia or Dystopia with Mostafa Purmehdi

This begins a block series of our talks about tech. If you are a techie like Matt, this is for you. If you’re not a techie like Fawn, this is for you also, because we are talking about the future and how to get a handle on it and get in on the pioneering wave.

Don’t you wish you knew more before the dotcom era so you could have made decisions that set you up better for success? This is the podcast series for you! We have Matt and a professor of economics, social scientist, and researcher of advanced tech to guide and explain from the basics to the hard core stuff. This is a free, valuable, and rare education!

In this episode, we begin with the NFT, what it is, and we get into what Blockchain is and what it does and what it will be capable of in the future. We talk about DEMOCRATIZATION of money, tech, education, and more.

First: A non-fungible token (NFT) is a unit of data stored on a digital ledger, called a blockchain, that certifies a digital asset to be unique and therefore not interchangeable. NFTs can be used to represent items such as photos, videos, audio and other types of digital files. This immediately peaks Fawn’s interest (as a photographer), knowing that recently one single digital photograph sold for $69 MILLION DALLARS!!!!

We learn how people are making money like this.

Foremost: This is a conversation between friends, the kind that nourishes, and changes our understanding so that we can thrive.

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello, everybody.

Matt: [00:00:01] Hello.

Fawn: [00:00:02] I'm very excited about today. This is your neck of the woods, honey.

Matt: [00:00:06] Well, getting close.

Fawn: [00:00:07] We're talking tech today, guys. We're talking how technology changes human beings with our very dear friend Mostafa Purmehdi. He is this amazing professor. And I know this from personal experience.

He was one of my mentors the past year. He still is actually. He is a social scientist with a PhD in marketing. He's a brilliant professor, such a compassionate, lovely human being. He's a marketing faculty member at the university of the Fraser Valley. He is a consultant for various businesses on new product development, consumer behavior and advanced technologies. You can reach him here: N E X three dot X, Y, Z. That's [00:01:00] his website: NEX3.xyz. It's N E X three dot X, Y, Z. And trust me, you want to learn from Mostafa. He has all the secrets of our future, and he is so generous about sharing it. So if you don't want to be left behind, if you want to understand what the heck is happening in the world with business, with our financial futures with pretty much everything, art.

This man is your man, this person, this human being, is it right, man?

Matt: [00:01:33] I wouldn't phrase it as far as fear of missing out. I would say that there's a lot of excitement going forward and he's very forward-thinking and he brings a certain level of comfort to it as we're about to discover.

Fawn: [00:01:43] Definitely. I say fear of missing out because I am not a techie. So things like this tend to give me fear, but yeah, he has a way of explaining things and letting you in on the secret. To me, it's a secret to not you guys, [00:02:00] but for me it's I still feel like a caveman. For me it could be a little bit frightening until Mostafa explains it to me.

And I feel like, Hey, I'm in the circle, I'm in the inner techie circle.

So I'm going to start today off with a nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica. I was going

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Two brilliant comics and a wise professor join our talk. Comics (and fellow hanvatans) Maz Jobrani and Tehran help us to explore the healing that happens in our society when we have levity.

The principle function of laughter is the creation and the deepening of our social bonds. Laughter is a social tool, a form of communication conversations, if you've noticed that have laughter in them are the most long lasting.

Laughter is a signal that says I'm wanting to engage with you further. It's a way to test the boundaries of our relationships and it's medicine.

https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/

Maz Jobrani and Tehran:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/back-to-school-with-maz-jobrani/id1459194552

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Matt: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to a special edition of our friendly world with laundry mat.

Fawn: [00:00:05] Yes, we have three amazing people. We have, a university professor Mostafa Purmehdi. We have two amazing comics, TV, personalities, movie personalities. It's

Matt: [00:00:17] a slash slash slash slash so many things.

Fawn: [00:00:20] Maz Jobrani and Tehran. And they could only be with us for like 40 minutes. and

Matt: [00:00:27] We start the conversation with Mostafa they come in, they come, we continue the conversation with Mostafa.

Fawn: [00:00:33] Yeah. They come in about the 10 minute point. I think of our show and then they leave and we kept the conversation going. We just kept talking, couldn't stop ourselves.

Their time is very tight and they had to go onto their podcast, which is "Back to School with Maz Jobrani". We hope you enjoy have fun. Here it is…

Laughter is Medicine with Maz Jobrani and Tehran and University Professor, Mostafa Purmehdi

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Hello friends. Hello. Hello. Welcome to our friendly world. Today, we have three very special guests. I'm going to get right into it. Two of them will show up in about, 10 minutes, but, right now we have a very dear friend Mostafa Purmehdi.

Mostafa: [00:00:17] Hey.

Fawn: [00:00:19] Hello.

Mostafa: [00:00:21] Hi Matt. It's so nice to be on the show.

Fawn: [00:00:24] A little background on our friend Mostafa,Mostafa is this brilliance university professor.

He is a social scientist with a PhD in marketing. His website is NEX3.xyz it's spelled N E X three dot X, Y, Z. If you want to get ahold of him, please do he, Mostafa is my mentor. over the summer or during the pandemic of 1920, 19, 20, 20, 20. Um,

Mostafa: [00:00:53] That was a while back. We go way back way back.

Fawn: [00:00:58] We do go way [00:01:00] back. Yeah. You were the most amazing mentor to me, not just to me, but our little girls, you just immediately fit in with the whole family. Well, I mean, you're the most brilliant professor because you have such a kind gentle way to explain the most complex things that really angrify me, that's my own word, that I use in the house, like I'm angrified. Seriously, I get so frustrated, especially with economics and business. And it just seems like things are set up from my perspective in such a way for you to never understand economy and business,. It's meant for this certain group over here.

And I always felt like an outcast. And the way you explained it to me is exactly what I needed. It was a caring, human being with a soft voice, just breaking things down for me [00:02:00] in the most simple way. But we were talking about complex i

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This Roundtable we discuss all the beautiful and the variety of greetings from around the world. We ask the questions we normally ask in our culture like “How are you” and go deep into the answers we tend to get like “Fine”, which in some circles actually means Freaked-out Insecure Neurotic and Emotional. Why do we ask blank questions and expect a blank response? Do we really care? Is it just noise? Are we truly aware of how we are feeling and how others are feeling? Are we ignoring clues and signs that someone really needs us? How can we be better? How can we be authentically open and kind? How can we change the cultural norms that have become so automatic and without insight and create a more present relationship with those around us?

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Welcome dear friend welcome to our round table. This is connected. We are interconnected. Thank you for joining us. We are a table of friends and we're all interconnected. We are connected here to create an awareness of the family that we truly are.

KJ: [00:00:18] Hi everybody. , I'm KJ. I've met some of you before. I've hung out with Fawn and Matt on a couple of occasions and it was probably the most fun of my life. And so I'm so pleased to be here today. I'm chatting with our friends at this round table. , the discussions that we can come up with when we're not hitting record are fantastic.

So it's pretty wonderful that we're hitting record and letting folks in to the fun that we're having. So a little about me, I'm a licensed psychotherapist and I have had a lifelong obsession with a couple of things. One of them being words and definitions and another [00:01:00] being cheese. And so we could talk about cheese and words at length at another time. possibly cheesy words (KJ's podcast: Stories of Astonishing Light with KJ Nasru‪l),

Fawn: [00:01:06], grilled, grilled cheese sandwiches.

KJ: [00:01:10] That's right. That's right. I have. Perfect. Well, I'll be so bold to say that I've gotten very, very good at making grilled cheese sandwiches. And so we can definitely chat about that.

Fawn: [00:01:21] comfort food,

KJ: [00:01:22] yeah. So in my, in my, in my spare time,

Fawn: [00:01:26] spare

KJ: [00:01:27] time. Okay. So in my spare time, I

, I do a podcast called stories of astonishing light and that.

Is a space a lot like this in which I exchanged stories with healers and artists and musicians and, , visionaries about the stories that we know, the stories that are about us, the stories that we see.

Fawn: [00:01:52] We're so happy to have you all of you. And I think it's going to be, like musical chairs because there's a group of us, a group [00:02:00] of friends, and we're here as family, your family, our friends listening, you are family. And I'm so excited. And I say musical chairs because there are some other people that want to come talk with us and have a seat at our round table.

So stay tuned folks because every week we're going to have even more amazingness coming up.

Brooke: [00:02:22] Well, I don't know how I follow that, but I'm going to give it a shot, uh, between KJ and Fawn and Matt. , they're all just amazing people. My name's Brooke Voris and I'm a certified wedding planner. But more than that, I've come to realize that I needed to find a way to give back to our community.

And I felt like this was one of the most amazing ways to do that because my podcast "Cheers to You with Brooke Voris" , brought me to Matt and Fawn. , it brought me to realize how many different people that are in the [00:03:00] world and how many different ways that we impact those people every day. S

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Our friend Rock is here!!!!!!!! We met recently and it feels like a family reunion!

This week on Our Friendly World with Fawn and Matt, we veer away from what most people in the podcast world normally talk to Rock (Rockwell Felder) about. Rock is not only the co-founder and CFO of SquadCast, co-host of the podcast “Between Two Mics”. He’s a martial artist, a beautiful and kind human being, and a sweet friend!

How do we deal with conflict in life (friendships, work, life…)

We discuss martial arts as a means of communication, harmony, connection, and peace. Our talk is more than it seems. We discuss conflict resolution in today’s world; physically, spiritually, as well as emotionally.

We start with a quote from Rickson Gracie (“Sometimes, you don’t have to win, you cannot win. But that has nothing to do with losing.”) and share thoughts on winning, losing, learning, and growing in life; at work and in relationships.

Rock shares his experience with Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, on and off the mat. Matt shares his philosophy on learning Aikido and living his practice at work. Fawn shares how she got out of a hairy situation at a Hollywood club and how she got out of a bad situation.

We share different ways to flow with conflict.

Thank you, Rock! You are such a lovely guest!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rock’s info:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/rockwellfelder?lang=en

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rockwell-felder-cpa/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rockwellfelder/

Podcast: https://squadcast.fm/between-2-mics/

Website: https://squadcast.fm/

Squadcast.fm #podcast #between2mics #CFO #Nuggetofwisdom, #SantaMonica, #Aikido, #crosstraining, #martialarts, #BrazilianJiu-Jitsu #RicksonGracie #wrestling, #respect, #honor, #losing, #winning, #beingagoodstudent, #communication, #family, #goodteammate, #kindness, #conflictresolution,

TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Okay. Hello. Welcome to our friendly world. Nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica. And thank you, Matt, for reminding me, because I totally forgot about this. I had a completely different nugget today. nugget of wisdom. I cross-trained, for a while, Matt was a pure heart, strict Aikido but I cross-trained.

And I went through so many different schools at the same time.

Matt: [00:00:28] You did wing Chun. You did the same time.

Fawn: [00:00:33] You did keep some of it away from some of the teachers because they would punish me.

Matt: [00:00:37] Probably go, do I get on the corner?

Fawn: [00:00:42] That's true. I would get sent in the corner, like a bad student because one of my teachers in the beginning found out I was going to this Aikido school at the same time.

So he was, , Not happy. Well, he was never mind. It doesn't matter. Okay. So in one of the schools, we were training, we were, , [00:01:00] sparring back and forth, and then it was time for a demonstration. In this particular school, we really cross-trained. I mean, it was a little bit of everything. Like if any situation comes up, whatever you get thrown, you gotta roll with it.

And we were really delving into Brazilian jujitsu. And also pure, like old-school wrestling, you know, just wrestling. One day the S uh, teacher, so, well, I was gonna say, like, there were three. In comm

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Sometimes the world can seem unbearable. Today, beyond introducing you to new friends, I want to focus on one thing we have witnessed on earth, to hopefully give light and encouragement for all of us to look towards the beauty and magic out there.

This is our first roundtable with great friends to introduce you to from around the world.

Transcript

[00:00:00] music Fawn, and Matt: [00:00:00] Hello friends. Welcome to our friendly world. This is, this is Fawn and Matt, we are starting something new today. It's a series that we're calling connected. It's all about how we are all interconnected. We have a round table here. We're going to do this every week. We're going to have amazing friends. And we're all from different walks of life.

We're all quite different. We all have different jobs on this planet. And the whole point is to make our circle grow, to make our friendship circle grow. Most of us here have never, ever met one another in person and we all have different takes on life. Today we're starting this whole thing. This is our very, very first episode.

And when you scroll through every episode will be called "CONNECTED", followed by [00:01:00] or word, and today's word is kindness. To start off, I want to talk about our connections to one another. What we're starting here with this round table is much bigger than this little episode. What we're doing is we're going to start conversations, having to do with everything in life, from money to you, name it.

And everyone here at this round table has their particular expertise. And if you're out there listening and you want to join us, please send me an email. And we'll, we'll gladly, gladly accept you into the round table. We're sitting here right now at our kitchen table, and we're surrounded by some amazing friends.

We have Beth Hewitt, Dr. Nii Darko. We have KJ Nasrul. [00:02:00] We have our beautiful friend, Katie, our beautiful friend, Paul, and some of them you've heard on our episodes before there are other people coming next week. Kindness. What is that? That's our theme today and I'm here to bring all the aspects of life together.

We're all touched by money. We're all touched by health, where we all have our rituals. We have life and we share a life together. The truth is that we are all connected. And that is this whole topic. This whole topic of connection is that it's to have a get together. Are interconnected family.

We're going to converse about it as friends. We all have different perspectives. I'm sure if we really got into this deep, I'm sure whoever's at the table. We all have different political beliefs. We have different ideas. We've all seen different things [00:03:00] walking on the earth. And the point is to practice conversation.

Sometimes it may become uncomfortable, but we're in the comfort of our home. All of us right now. And you're home. You are ourhome, you are my home. We are friends. And no matter what you say, it will be treated with respect. You will be treated with respect and you will be heard. And I think that's the key these days.

It's the key always is to hear each other, to see each other and to be heard. And that's what this is all about. Thank you. Thank you friends for being with us today. , I have, we've all walked, walked the earth for awhile. I'm going to start with a little question and then. I'm going to let that question sit for awhile and then I'm going to have everyone introduce [00:04:00] themselves.

The question today is, so we've all been on the earth for awhile. We've all walked the earth and we've all seen somethings. And I really like, I know most of you here. I know all of you here, but what I admire about everybody here is you all are so positive. And the way you describe things is quite beautiful.

I'm a phot

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This week we talk about our dreams, our deepest hopes, visualizing them and having the faith that we will succeed (through all the ups and downs of life). We not only discuss holding these dreams for ourselves, but how to hold dreams for others.

We are joined by our friend Beth Hewitt who is sharing her insights on visualization as we celebrate her book, “The Power of Scripting.”

Some takeaway quotes:

Matt: “It seems like the old saying when the student is ready, the master will come. It seems like sometimes in those moments that there are people or whatever that reach out to you, because we're all kind of interconnected in a way that science can't quite explain.”

Fawn: “When bad things happen, it’s your opportunity to say, I don't choose that. I want this instead.”

Beth: “And it's about taking those reins and getting clear on what you do want to do, because I think , when you know what you don't want, when you know that you don't want a horrible things happening to you, you know, the flip side of that, which is, you know, what you do want, you know, what that different reality looks like, and that gives you a clue as to what you might be able to create and gives you something to cling on to”.

“…whenever something bad happens to you, you just got to find that little sliver of hope and light of how you can view this in a different way. And there's always something, whatever the challenge, there’s always opportunity”.

QUOTE HALL OF FAME FROM THIS EPISODE: “There's always people there who are willing to help you and support you”.

“You have to find the lightness in the darkness”.

Quote from Beth’s book: “"You should know that you will have some ups and downs along the way. It wouldn't be life if you didn't, but when quote unquote horrible things happen to us, we have a choice. In fact, in any moment or circumstance, we have the option to view things from a different perspective, and we can decide to pick ourselves up and move on. And that when things are going wrong, you will forever have a tool that helps you to take back control to imagine and describe through your own words, the life you'd rather be living. And before, you know it, you will."

Beth’s book: "The Power of Scripting"

To buy Beth’s book: www.powerofscripting.com

Contact Beth Hewitt: https://visualiseyou.com/

Beth’s podcast: https://visualise-you.captivate.fm/

SantaMonica #champagneSundays #rituals #visualization #celebration #wish #makeawish #livingthelife #fieldofdreams #findingthelightinthedarkness, #abrahamhicks, #CarolineMyss, #thecoffeebean, #Wishbaker, #OurFriendlyWorldwithFawnandMatt

Transcript Episode # 38 “Thank Goodness! with Beth Hewitt”

[00:00:00] Matt: [00:00:00] We're an interracial couple with two kids wanting to do something that highlights the power of friendship and what it means to be in the company of true friends. We're going to move our society away and out of the loneliness epidemic and into a friendlier, happier world. Welcome to our friendly world.

Fawn and Matt and Music: [00:00:32] Better, stronger, together.

Fawn: [00:00:42] Good morning. Hello. Good afternoon. Good evening. All right. Okay. Don't say that. How many times do I have to tell you not to do that? It means by, by no good evening. It means hello. Good night [00:01:00] means, bye bye for you. I'm going to sleep.

Matt: [00:01:02] Welcome to our show.

Fawn: [00:01:04] Welcome to our friendly world. I promise it's friendly nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica, champagne, Sundays.

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Breaking the Sound Barrier with Michael Joly

On this episode we explore sound and how it changes and connects us; how to hear, listen and distinguish the truth in our hearts and souls. We also have a three minute Tone Therapy session with the use of Michael’s invention: the N.O.W. sound device which when you listen for 3 minutes and 20 seconds has the similar outcome of a long meditation.

Wise words from this podcast:

Michael Joly:

“All forms arise from no form.”

“Having a fog experience like that, can kind of bring us back to this primordial pre-formed time. And I think that's part of what we're recognizing in a fog experience; is it's not quite in form yet.”

“…the Holy Spirit doesn't speak first nor the loudest. “

“…sitting in stillness and allowing stillness and allowing spaciousness allows thus, still small, very quiet, inspired thoughts to arise.”

“I realized that when I followed sound so intensely like that in the context of my job as an audio engineer, in the context of, of, you know, designing products and, uh, and listening to them, , that I found, I found I could not be thinking at the same time as I, as listening, if I was truly bringing and intentional attention to listening, right. I could not be thinking at the same time. And then only years later, did I say, Whoa, wait a minute. That sort of matches up with some of the check boxes of what meditation is and intentional unintentional, unintentional nonjudgmental focus on the present moment.”

“Let’s bundle up all the lies and turn our backs to them. Turn our backs to that profanity and inhabit truth and see how that feels.”

“…this is another type of mindfulness practice that you have to have an intention. You have to willfully use your attention…combining the word attention with an, a, an intention. You have to have an intention to listen attentively and to direct your attention.”

“A shift in focus as an aid; these are aids; to give the mind another form object to alight upon, and doing that intentionally.”

Fawn:

“Where the magic happens is in the space of the unknown… everything manifests within that space of nothingness where it's not formed yet.”

Transcript:

Breaking the Sound Barrier Episode 37 with Michael Joly

[00:00:00] Track 1: [00:00:00] We're an interracial couple with two kids wanting to do something that highlights the power of friendship and what it means to be in the company of true friends. We're going to move our society away and out of the loneliness epidemic and into a friendlier, happier world. Welcome to our friendly world.

Better, stronger, together.

fawn: [00:00:42] Good morning. Good afternoon. Hello. Hello. You know the sound of the ocean, the sound of ocean waves. I'm getting right into at first negative wisdom from Santa Monica. This time. [00:01:00] It's the sounds that I heard from Santa Monica. That was my lesson. I, as a small child, as you guys know, I talk about. My mentor, Santa Monica all the time.

But as a child, now that I'm looking back on, it makes sense. One of the reasons I felt so calm and taken care of, I think it was the sound of the ocean waves. What is it about that? It's, it's like, it's like the sound of. Shh. Like, I don't know how that came across the microphone, but you know, when we had our babies and the doctors would say, uh, that's sound calms them, um, on an extreme level, they would say even the sound of a vacuum cleaner calms them.

And I'm like, why? That is ridiculous. And they would say it, it could be the sound [00:02:00] of. Just being in utero. Right. All the, all the pipes goin

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Episode 36 The Imprint - We Are Creating Each Other

Side note: At the end of this show, Matt grapples with something he caught himself saying about friendship that really bothered him. So we will have to explore a second half of this topic by bringing an expert on, for another show to remedy things.

Pearl of wisdom from Bruno’s in Santa Monica – an entity/ parental/protective figure that helps raise the children.

This episode is about leadership. Matt explains the concept of servant/leader.

We discuss true leadership and what that truly is.

We discuss tantrums.

In all aspects of life and culture, we are here to take care of each other. We are creating each other. Creativity - creative energies are brewing and are very strong. I always think about collaboration and creativity; the way we influence each other in conversation, our experience with one another and how they create an imprint; I can be imprinted by your behavior. My behavior could be imprinted on you. Your behavior towards me can create and impression of you that will be forever imprinted. It happens in relationships, in business, with leadership, with friendship; all of the ships.

leader #ittakesavillage #parenthood #friendship #leadership, #business #tantrums #servant #servantleader #despit #compassion #undercoverboss #tedlasso #ellewoods #legallyblonde #aikido

Transcript

[00:00:00] Fawn: [00:00:00] Good morning. Hello? Oh,

Matt: [00:00:05] you're gonna have to cut out that first one second. I said evening

Fawn: [00:00:08] and now I'm not cutting anything. Oh, dear. How are you guys? Welcome to our friendly world. This is fun. How are you doing? What do you love to,

Matt: [00:00:19] what'd you doing? Oh man. I'm feeling energized today. You're in trouble.

Fawn: [00:00:23] I, I was, I know, you know what?

I, I woke up feeling like I was in trouble. My mind is really preoccupied. I feel not so light in the head, like too many thoughts, too many. Responsibilities too many wants and desires and too many frustrations in my head right now.

Matt: [00:00:44] I've been there, but feeling like laser-focused, I'm

Fawn: [00:00:48] glad. Okay. I will start with a Pearl of wisdom, Pearl of wisdom, because I usually start by saying it's a nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica.

This one is a [00:01:00] Pearl because it has to do with. Transcending time and being a parent, being a grandparent or not that you're a grandparent or parent per se, but it's the feeling, it's the responsibility aspect of it. It's the aspect of taking care of someone regardless of your age and taking care of them as far as emotional goes.

, if you guys have listened to the very, very first it's called the mentor, the mentor is me talking about my mentor and that's the city of Santa Monica. When I was a kid, Santa Monica was always around. I had no idea I was being influenced by this entity. And by the time I was 16, 17.

Most of my friends were out of high school. They were in their twenties, they were working professionals. I worked with them and the people that I worked with had other friends. So we all became friends and I was the youngest one in the group. Gotcha. [00:02:00] And one friend was, this was before gay marriage, but they were kind of married.

They were together, to two men in their twenties. , beautiful people and so loving to me. And they really took me under their wing. And because I was having so many problems with my family and there were, there was so much, I was, there was so much I was working on, I was working on my portfolio trying to figure out ho

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This episode, we are visiting with our lovely and talented friend who travels around the country teaching kindness to school children (and people of all ages, really). He is a phenomenally kind, beautiful human being, writer, publisher, musician, husband, father, great friend, Barry Lane!

This episode will calm your senses and make you feel way better about the world! Barry even sings to us! And we discuss the way of kindness. Enjoy this very important episode.

to contact us: www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com or www.ourfriendlyworld.com

To contact Barry: www.forcefieldforgood.com

If you enjoy our show, please contribute by leaving us a little something, or a big something ;)
buymeacoffee.com/friendlyspace

Transcript: Episode 36 - A Kind World with Barry Lane

[00:00:00] Track 1: [00:00:00] And Matt, we're an interracial couple with two kids wanting to do something that highlights the power of friendship and what it means to be in the company of true friends. We're going to move our society away and out of the loneliness epidemic and into a friendlier, happier world. Welcome to our friendly world.

Better, stronger together,

guys, listen to this. Barry Barry, will you lead us in please? Sure.

[00:01:00] no worries. No more fears, something new between the years someone hits you. Turn your cheek. The word peak is the day.

The new day now is you can judge me by my skin kick in time to look within treat you the truth is on the track, but no one talks behind your back is now is the new day. Now is

the

day, both are weak [00:02:00] is a verdict. So there's the burden sings, but more love and much less much the world go up. Hurry. Cause now is.

Now is any day

now is the mixed fleet of one tree live in peace and unity at the old embrace a new

you, you.

Now is your day. How is the day now is a new day hungry people, scared. They don't know how much we can feast the sun soak up. It's raised it's time to find a [00:03:00] better week because.

Now is the new game that the day now is done.

That is the perfect introduction for today. Everyone I'd like to introduce you. To our new friend Barry lane, you can find barryLane@forcefieldforgood.com where he sings and teaches kindness. And that is the subject for today. Barry is an amazing writer, musician. Publisher. Amazing human being were so fortunate to become friends with him.

Welcome to our friendly world, Barry. Welcome. Oh, thank you. It's so great to be here. I feel [00:04:00] really at home. You are at home. You're literally in our home, in our kitchen virtually, ironically, you're in your home. Thank you so much for being here. I'm so happy. You're here. I wanted to talk about kindness today and I looked up the roots of what kindness is.

I have some definitions that I've found. So check this out. Kindness. It's from the old English word. How would you pronounce that? Matt? Jacob and Jason is G E C Y N. The means kind nature, race related to kin. Family it's from the prodo Germanic. Coon does, is that how I would pronounce that map? What do you think?

Which means family race from PI roots? Jen, Jean, I'm sorry guys. I can't pronounce [00:05:00] things. English is not my first language. Either give birth begets with derivatives, referring to procreation and familial and tribal groups. Here's the other definition. It comes from the old, this is the etymology of kindness.

It comes from the old English and is constructed from the adjective kind. And the suffix ness kind comes from the middle English, kin old English. How do you pronounce that? And I was like genocide. She, and it meant it meant friendly. Well, disposed tender ness is

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Episode Sit Still!

Nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica: Petite Sensei (Francoise Petite)– make yourself at home in the uncomfortableness.

We talk about being comfortable in the many forms being comfortable and uncomfortableness exists. Fawn brings up her friend Eowyn and the subject of being comfortable with money no matter where you sit in the financial realm.
How does being still and not being still; multitasking contribute to loneliness?

How can the alarm clock help you?

Capacity is a big factor in the loneliness epidemic or in people having their relationships fractured. We don't have enough capacity to be able to offer anything to anyone else. When you have so many things vying for your attention, you end up with a piece of over here, a piece of you over there, and you're not there. You’re not present. You're scattered throughout all these other places and tasks. And that's where you are fragmented all over the place. So you're not able to totally be with your kids a hundred percent and not to be there for your friends. So you can't notice that one look that you need to notice that would quite possibly save someone’s life, or a look someone will give in a split second that gives you information. You'll miss out on stuff like that. And that's being distracted. We are distracted from each other.

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Show notes Episode 33 “Capacity - moving to expansiveness – neuroscience, neurobiology and the social engagement system” with our guest Pamela Stokes

There is a connection far beyond our bodies.

There is a part of the neuroscience and the neurobiology that is called the social engagement system. And it's a grouping of five different things in our physiology that allows us to connect with ourselves. But also to connect with each other

This week we get into the neuroscience of our connections with one another and we figure out how to begin the healing process for our society.

Some topics include: the science of brain and body, trauma based therapeutic movement and brain training, movement and neuroplasticity, mindful motion, the insula cortex and how it is the key that allows us to connect with others.

This episode is really big on more than one level. It’s a little over 90 minutes, but it’s packed with techniques that will help our world. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to miss a minute of it.

We begin with the question of how to get out of operating from full capacity mode (meaning we all have so much on our “plate” from responsibilities, to worries and thoughts, to trauma, fear, and pain) and unable to be open to others, to getting to an embracing, loving, giving state; getting back to social engagements and selfless constructs, after so much we have been through. Also, can trauma actually be beneficial? How can we be there for each other (as a society) when we are all in pain? Who gets to go first in being heard and cared for, when we all need comforting and help?

Today, we have some answers that will begin this process. Guys, everything is going to be OK! - more than OK, actually!

to connect with Pamela

https://www.linkedin.com/in/moveintoresilience/

https://www.moveintoresilience.com/about-pamela/

Let's connect! Email us through: www.ourfriendlyworld.com

and also: www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com

Please leave us a review on iTunes to help our podcast reach more people.

Thank you,

Fawn and Matt

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We talk about rituals in life from big rituals to small rituals.

We can develop connections with people when there's a ritual, and it can be the ritual having a cup of coffee, taking a walk, going to the farmer's market or sharing a table is a beautiful ritual. And that's one of the things I would like to say is, we can benefit from getting in the habit of sharing what we're not comfortable sharing until we're comfortable at it; for example, sharing a table with a stranger. This brings us to this episode’s nugget of wisdom from our mentor, Santa Monica.

Today’s topic stems from Musashi Miyamoto and the “A Book of Five Rings” as we discuss the fifth rule: “Distinguish between gain and loss in worldly matters.”

Capacity. We define it. We analyze it and we come to the conclusion that love has infinite capacity.

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Episode 31 “Unseen Forces”

Perceive those things, which cannot be seen. Understand what cannot be seen by the eye.

How do we access this information undetectable to the human eye?

How do we access information beyond the five senses? That's because we have a six tenths and everybody, every human on the planet has a sixth sense.

“Be patient with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for answers. It cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer some distant day.

Rainer Maria Rilke Letters to a Young Poet.

Rachel: “Science is huge. It's a big world, science. Everything about being human; of frequency, frequencies, you know, there's hundreds of thousands, if not, who knows, maybe unlimited numbers of frequencies and all of those frequencies are part of this creation that we belong to.”

Rachel: “Being able to share freely our different human experiences, this is how we all grow and evolve together into communities that care about each other's health.”

To reach Rachel Chevalier:
https://rachelchevalier.com/

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2 nuggets of wisdom from Santa Monica:

Calmly and reverently carrying on, holding your center in love, no matter what is going on around you in the outside world.

It is an honor to be invited to someone’s home. Treat it as such.

We also talk about “entitlement” and what that means. What are we entitled to in life? This leads us to the topic of appreciation.

This week we travel to different countries (via a book and our kitchen table) to discuss how we’re supposed to behave in different countries. If we are in quarantine and can’t travel for now, might as well brush up on etiquette from different countries. Which countries do you greet with a handshake? Who kisses once on one cheek and twice on the other cheek, hold hands, not hold hands, late or punctual, to gift or not to gift when visiting someone’s house, where to not use your hands for gestures as you speak, eye contact or no eye contact, to say yes or no thank you when you are offered something, to use a fork or spoon, to compliment or not to compliment…every culture is different. We need to behave ourselves, understand each other’s customs, marvel in each other’s beauty and enjoy each other’s company when we get together again.

Snippets from our talk:
To take one step towards the next step; to go from left foot to right foot, is all about imbalance. It's a leap of faith because in between the steps, you don't have any balance at all; no connection to the earth. You're basically mid-flight. We work with that imbalance and get to a point where it becomes a beautiful, graceful step.

Walking is really kind of this controlled fall.

Everything is always in a state of imbalance. Just make the world more beautiful, and in a reverent way, hold that beauty until that beauty, that love, transcends everything. Even if you have misunderstandings and conflict, if it is coming from a place of love, it will be understood.

“If you have no peace in is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” - Mother Theresa

“Your words have power. Use them wisely.” - anonymous.

“Raise your word, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” - Rumi.

Reach out to us: www.ourfriendlyworld.com

Insta: @befriendlyworld

Twitter: FriendleeBe

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Show notes #29 Friends with Money with Farnoosh Torabi

We have Farnoosh Torabi, an honored friend, American journalist, author, television personality, and personal finance expert, as our guest this week.

With Farnoosh’s wisdom, things are illuminated! As Matt, Fawn, and Farnoosh converse together, Fawn realizes that some of us (she and some of her friends) live in a state of purgatory with money. We are trapped and confined to a memory or experience with money that unless we switch our thinking and snap out of, we’ll stay in hell instead of moving on, thriving, having fun, enjoying life, and creating the lives we want to be living.

We explore the concept of friends with money, by not only talking about how friendships affect economy, but also how to make friends with money as an entity in Fawn’s case, because she feels mad at money (like money is this friend that has shut her out and she wants to be in that inner circle again), longs to be friends with it and get over a world of pain she experienced with it. Farnoosh creates a path to a major transformation for Fawn and Matt (listen to the very end after Farnoosh signs off) as they talk about what transpired after the show because of their time together with Farnoosh. There was not only a major money shift, but a miraculous friend connection with someone they were talking about on the show. Tune in!

Some memorable and noteworthy quotes from this episode: “Oh shit, the universe was listening. I was like; I told the universe I was going to marry this guy eight years ago. It didn't forget.”

“Listen, you're putting too much on money. Money is not anything. It's a rock. It's air. It's nothing, you know? It doesn't have opinions. It doesn't judge. It doesn't!”

“It's not about you versus money or money versus you. It's like; who do I want to be? What is the impact that I want to make in the world? What is it that I love about myself that I want to amplify, and what I want to really contribute in a bigger way, and how can money be the tool for me to that end? And that is it. Money is YOUR servant. You don't serve money.

Can you guess who said them? (It’s Farnoosh Torabi)

Minute 40:53 Farnoosh tells an inspiring story about overcoming money adversity.

To support Our FriendlyWorld with Fawn and Matt podcast, please leave us a review on iTunes!

Keep in touch: www.ourfriendlyworld.com

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Fawn shares her experience on one of her photoshoots in India and explains the correlation to the beginning of moving back to Santa Monica and a very unusual message she received (a tiny little message that normally may have gone unnoticed) that was the first of many from this city that became her mentor. This pearl of wisdom leads us to this episode’s topic of paying attention to TRIFLES.

Trifle definition:

noun,

1: something of little value, substance, or importance

2: A small quantity or amount of anything.

3: Pewter of medium hardness.

4: a dessert typically consisting of plain or sponge cake often soaked with wine or spirits (such as brandy or rum) and topped with layers of preserves, custard, and cream

Verb,

5: to deal lightly or without due seriousness or respect.

6: to amuse oneself daily

7: to play or toy with

8: to act or talk in an idle or frivolous way.

9: Nine to waste time to idol,

10: to pass or spend time idly or frivolously

Fawn and Matt discuss A Book of Five Rings and the philosophy of Musashi Miyamoto, a Japanese samurai, from whom the lesson “pay attention to trifles” comes from.

Teaching from Fawn’s college professor, Hank Wessel: pay attention to what seems boring or normal. And in that, you'll find immense beauty and profound, mysterious qualities. Pay attention to things that everyone ignores. That is where the genius is.

Fawn’s thought: This also goes for paying attention to ideas and people that often go ignored. Pay attention to the aspects that the main stream is not looking at. The qualities and details that most people do not look at, recognize, or see, is really the thing that is the most interesting and soon to be followed by these same masses that have to be shown by other “trend setters” as what is cool or beautiful. The masses are just stragglers on the wave of profound thought. They are piggy backers.

Matt: If you stay alert and aware, even when everything seems so ordinary, you can spot the extraordinary. That's, when sometimes you'll see $20 on the street or, you know, you'll be paying attention and somebody will say something that'll key something. One of those interesting moments, and it's a way to become closer to people. People love to tell you about the things they feel passionate or interested in, but sometimes they only hint at it or they give you a whisper… They'll say one word and you can choose to follow them down the rabbit hole or not.

Fawn: Sometimes it's not a word (that exists as a trifle). Sometimes it's the disappearing of the lips that will happen in a split second. There are micro movements people make that will tell you everything in a tiny split second of a shrug of a shoulder will tell you everything. If someone's in pain and they're hiding something, or when their lips disappear, it means the person is not comfortable hearing or seeing something that's in front of them. Paying attention to the tiny details will give us a better understanding of one another and therefore better friendships; and not just with friendships, but with family. Like especially with kids: Question: “How are you doing?” Answer: “Fine.” Question: “What'd you learn today?” Answer: “Nothing”. But within those short statements we'll come across with a shrug of a shoulder, which means there's something uneasy, something that they're not sure about. So we have to figure out a way to communicate past that trifle of statements. If someone asks you how you're doing and really we're trained in society to say “fine, how are YOU?” where we can't really unload our pain because it'll scare off or overwhelm the per

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This episode features our friend Paul Martin. He songs to us and IT IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! He IS AMAZING!

First:

Santa Monica pearl of wisdom from 5th floor quiet painter neighbor. You never truly know what someone’s life experience is until you are invited in, or you invite THEM in.Sometimes you may look at a person you think, “Oh my God, I am probably not their cup of tea. They will probably hate me”, or you can see major differences between you, and that “there's no way that this person will like me”. Give it a chance. You never know!

Fawn and Matt share their difficult weekend as Fawn pushes back the tears of her sadness and anxiety, and tells how she had to type the words “I NEED A FRIEND” to her friend Beth Hewitt (of the podcast “Visualize You w/ Beth Hewitt). Fawn describes how that changed everything and reads what Beth wrote back to her, out loud for any of you to receive Beth’s words to help you feel better as they helped Fawn. All the tears and emotions happen before Fawn and Matt introduce their honored guest Paul Martin, who wisely and kindly says: “It's really nice to hear you embracing your sadness… what I've learned, especially over the past few years of, you know, I used to be, um, an alcoholic and an addict or thing that pushed away me embracing all of those certain feelings and now that I'm clean, I get to fully embrace them. And even sadness has like a true kind of beauty with that. In a weird way, it has its own yeah sacred, special place. Um, but to truly feel it and like engage and embrace it like you did. It's just like, it works wonders. And in a weird way, like if you have the, like the perception of the it's there for a reason, you can actually sometimes like, enjoy it whilst it's happening as well; not just the benefits after”.

Fawn, Matt, and Paul discuss how different cultures handle emotions and drugs. We discuss embracing each other’s emotions and what we should do when we see someone crying.

Paul’s music is an embrace from an old, caring, loving, entity:

And as Paul says: “…getting in touch with that vulnerability of letting go and staying in that safe space” is what it’s about. “…so there's feelings can come up and they can just feel that beauty of light. Like that's a kind of, that's like a happy sadness, and it's very important, I think, to get in touch with that side of your emotions.”

We also talk MEDITATION, as Paul is not only a super talented Musician, but also a meditation coach who studied in Thailand.

Paul: “…we're put here is to understand life and experience life and to understand the difference between yin and yang, what we perceive as good and bad.”

Paul: “all anger derives really from the sadness.”

We get into the discussion of social media…

Fawn: “So I think social media is actually parallel to real life because in real life, I mean, I'll just speak for the communities we've noticed in the culture we've noticed in the United States, where so much is is superficial and you know, it's just superficial and you're not really there for each other, right. It's just, you're going to present the best face possible. You're going to present yourself as the greatest, the best, the richest, the prettiest, whatever, but very few people actually. Well, like, be real with you and have a heart to heart, total open path, open sec, you know, open segway; open heart. And it's the same in social media. That's what I think some people are now piercing through is that superficialness. It happens outside of social media.”<!--

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Show notes #26 Prosperare

Nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica – receiving a treat through your window, just exactly when you need it.

Prosperity – PRO= towards Spera=hope

spera. sperare Verb = hope for, hope. Looking at prosperity. Pro pro means towards. Sparity Comes from Spera it's Latin, Spera means hope. Prosperity, if we break it down means towards hope. My question is how can we look towards hope? What is prosperity?

Fawn: “Prosperity is a universe inside of you. Do not look outside at other people. When you find yourself looking at your friends and feeling like you're left out, that right there is the opposite of prosperity. That is scarcity.”

???: How can we go from hopeless to hopeful? How can we go from feeling left out, shut out and uncared for to realizing a muffin flying through your window?

Fawn: “You can use scarcity as a tool. You can use it as anger for fuel, enough to get you to a point where you're realizing you're not where you want to be. That's okay. When you feel that, instead of continuing on with that feeling of jealousy or hopelessness, we can use that feeling to get to our own core and find what we need.

If I find myself feeling left out like that, that left out feeling, I'll go in the bed under the blankets and maybe have a good cry, go inside and think about my own universe; the universe inside of me. That's where my genius is. That is where it is for all of us. It’s at that center where it all gets activated. Some people call that place “the unknown” “the void”; a place where the focus is not on anything or anyone else but it is where genius is. The universe at your core will begin to magnify. From there, anything you focus on becomes activated becomes a magnet for your greatest desires, guaranteed.

That's how I get my mind into the mode of prosperity. I either bake cupcakes or have a good cry. I rebuild my universe inside of myself.”

Matt: “Now you see, the way I come to it is I like to surround myself with wonderful people and I've been very blessed knock on wood that I've been able to do this with both my friends and my family. And for me, when I hear about one of my friends doing something awesome, I'm very stoked for them. I'm extremely stoked for them.

And typically I want to find out, well, how did it happen? Because maybe there's a template in it that I could follow, or at least it gives me a better understanding of them as a person. Now, when I feel down and everybody does it, it depends on the type of down obviously. But, if it's specifically related to work, I find one of the easiest ways for me to feel better is for me to go through my list of past accomplishments.

And I've done some (in my mind at least) pretty amazing things as a software developer, as you all know. I build things from nothing. So it's just kind of like, it's almost like imposing your will upon a blank sheet of paper and making something that you can be very happy with, or that someone else can be very happy with because maybe you're creating it for someone else. And so that process, that creative process is very hard to not make you feel like this, a limitless abundance out there because you realize the I. When I first started working on this, I was a complete idiot. And then I figured stuff out and I got a little smarter and a little smarter and a little smarter, a little smarter until, “wow, I did this really amazing thing.” If it comes down to less of , a work-related and more of a, financial , kind of world then I look at the things that I do have, those material possessions , and I see the wealth and the places I've chosen to invest my money as it were. And I look at my rack of music. I look at m

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Show notes #25 “Peculiar”

Nugget of Wisdom: Jesus and the Bread Guy – Fawn recalls “… two things, two, if you pick two things in the neighborhood, within the community that are a constant, you never thought about together at the same time; in the neighborhood, you never thought had a connection. If you take two things or two people that are consistent in the neighborhood that you never connected; like they are not going to cross, or it didn't even cross your mind, but when you see it, it makes total sense. Have you ever had an epiphany like that?” This story is about two main fixtures in the Santa Monica/ Venice neighborhood that one early morning Fawn became aware had a divine, spiritual connection to one another that brought her a deeper understanding of our connections within our community.

PECULIAR - pe·cu·liar /pəˈkyo͞olyər/ adjective

strange or odd; unusual.

Similar words: Strange, unusual, odd, funny, curious, bizarre, weird, uncanny, queer, unexpected, unfamiliar, abnormal, atypical, anomalous, untypical, different, out of the ordinary, out of the way, exceptional, rare, extraordinary, remarkable, puzzling, mystifying, mysterious, perplexing, baffling, unaccountable, incongruous, uncommon, irregular, singular, deviant, aberrant, freak, freakish, suspicious, dubious, questionable, eerie, unnatural, bizarre, backasswards, eccentric, idiosyncratic, unconventional, outlandish, offbeat, quirky, quaint, droll, zany, off-center, wacky, freaky, kooky, screwy, oddball, off the wall

Opposite: normal, ordinary

Particular; special.

Similar words: distinctive, characteristic, distinct, different, individual

BUT ALSO: Peculiar comes from Latin peculiaris, an adjective meaning "privately owned" or "special" that is derived from the word for "property," peculium. ... Peculiar borrowed the Latin meanings of peculiaris, but it eventually came to refer to qualities possessed only by a particular individual, group, or thing.

An article by Jess Zafarris: The Etymoooology of “Peculiar” “Peculiar” comes from the Latin peculium, literally “property in cattle,” a meaning that lingers in “peculiar to,” meaning “belonging solely to.” Its “odd” sense arose after the term evolved to mean “distinguished, special,” describing a person or thing of great wealth or renown.

Peculium was used to describe property in general, for cattle were considered the most important form of property, and wealth was often measured in livestock. Cows were especially considered a mark of wealth and social standing because they were used to expand the scale of crop production, to haul goods and weapons in trade and war, and were also (obviously) a rich source of protein.

Owning, purchasing, and breeding cattle was considered an investment in the future, and practices involving cattle were handed down from generation to generation—meaning that cattle played a not-insignificant part in establishing early ruling classes and families.

Peculium gave rise to peculiaris, “belonging exclusively to one person,” which carried its meaning over to English in the 15th century. From there, in the 16th century, “peculiar” came to mean “distinguished or special,” suggesting someone endowed with great wealth (not necessarily in cattle) or esteem, or something else particularly renowned or remarkable.

This noteworthy sense led to what might be considered a more common use of the word today, “unusual, strange, curious,” from the 17th century—though, of course, its sense o

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Episode #24 – US/THEM/SYNTHESIS - Is it possible to have synthesis? How can we have Synthesis in society when there is so much of “us” versus “them”?

Pearl of wisdom from Santa Monica: the light within can really touch someone out there that you may not know. What you do in your own home can seriously affect someone on the outside.

SYNTHESIS: 1) the combination of ideas to form a theory or a system. 2) The production of chemical compounds, by reaction from simpler materials.

Fawn: I have an issue with “simpler materials” for so many reasons. If you're going to take it outside the science scope (I'm going to talk about synthesis), like communication with people and culture, using the word “simple” is a mistake. If you look at something through a microscope, you can get more powerful microscopes and keep going and going and going and going as you look at any given thing. Does anything ever stop being or existing? Like numbers, is everything infinite? You look at something through a microscope, you see the smaller particles. You magnify it even more, you see even more. A flower is complex. If you look at the design of anytihing in life, if you really look at things, everything is incredibly complex.

Another thing about synthesis; another definition is to combine a number of different pieces into a hole. And it made me think of the term “melting pot”. The description of a culture or society being a Melting pot always bothered me. It never sat right with me growing up. I heard that a lot, but I never really thought about why it bothered me. I was always asked (it was actually demanded of me) to erase my culture; to erase my identity, not only growing up in the United States, like to become Americanized, but also within my family who was very terrified of having to escape from a country that was in turmoil, to erase who I was.

And even though my family loved their culture and wanted to keep their culture, they had to flee the country that they were originally from, come to a new place and where they had to deal with a whole new set of problems and persecution in so many ways. There was this confusion of, do we assimilate? Do we keep our traditions or get rid of them? Do we teach our traditions and culture to the next generation? How do we do that, when the culture you live in despises you and the next generation is caught in between these two worlds? I noticed this peril not just with the family I was raised in, but with so many different families across so many different cultures other than mine. I watched the struggle with: do we keep the traditions, do we do a dare speak together, out in public in this other language?

I just don’t like the analogy of a “melting pot”. Instead of a melting pot, I think it should be a dish that holds the integrity of every ingredient not something that melts and becomes something else. I don't want to melt. I do not want to melt. I want all of my cultures. I want my languages. I want everybody else's cultures and everybody else's languages, everybody else's fashions, everybody else's ideas to hold their own and contribute a vast delicious balance of tastes that light up your life force when you taste it.

I want it to remain whole. I don't think it's a good idea to melt into one thing and lose your unique flavor. I think if we can appreciate the integrity of each individual ingredient, that it will lead to world peace.

We talk about assimilating and what that means.

We ask if there’s a constant assembly line of hate. The focus may end on one group, only to focus on the next group. Eventually, you will be the target so best to stop the hate now.

When your mind is open enough, you can see the profound in

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Show notes #23 The Frog and the Scorpion

Nugget of wisdom from Fawn’s neighbor in Santa Monica, upstairs Joey – the lesson of the hot stove.

Today’s episode revolves around the fable, “The Frog and the Scorpion”

“The Scorpion and the Frog”

“A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?" Replies the scorpion: "It’s my nature...".”

Our super friend, psychotherapist KJ Nasrul joins us to discuss:

the changing of minds; our belief systems, specially in times of argument.

Can a person fundamentally change?

How do you know when to reenter a friendship?

How do you know when to end a friendship?

THEN…

Fawn: I have lots of people I had to totally cut off like the scorpion, right? The end from the very beginning, I knew their nature. I knew how they were, they were showing it to me, but I assumed, Oh, they'll never do that to me. You know, the last ones were some of the yoga crew around where we live.

I saw how they treated each other, their family members. And I assumed they wouldn't do that with me. And we had the established where we're family, men were sisters. And then all of a sudden they treated me like family, which is how they treated themselves, which was not good. And I had to cut it off, and I knew they wouldn't change. They were the scorpion. And they already stung me and boy, did it take a long time to heal from that. So never again, because they tried to apologize. They tried to come back and I'm like, “Nope!”.

Matt: But if you take a look at that, you just take a look at, let's say the yoga people, they get continual reinforcement to act the way that they do.

They get continual positive reinforcement to act the way that they do because they have blood family, if you will daughters, et cetera. And they act that way towards them, but there's still that relationship. And so they've had continual reinforcement that they can act like an a-hole and it's going to be okay.

You know, the way that, oftentimes families will fight and they will just lay it all out. They will just devastate one another and then they'll figure out how to get back together without talking about it.

So there's no impetus for them to change other than the fact that they they've lost your friendship, but they can, they can find an excuse. They can excuse that away and make it your problem or your fault.

Question: Have you been friends with a scorpion? Have been bitten, or knew that they would bite, but continued to have a friendship out of desperation of wanting to have a friend so badly that you played with “fire”?

why do you think the frog did it anyway?

Matt: Otherwise we wouldn't have a fable, but also I think that the frog dog is the optimist on the outside and the inside. He believes in the good in everyone and he believes everyone can change. And he believed in the logical argument back to emotion versus logic, the scorpion stung, because that's what he does. It's an emotional thing. Whereas the frog understood on a logical level that if he got stung, he would die in the middle of the river. And so he believed that the scorpion would take the logical argument, but the scorpion was never going to do that because i

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Episode 22 - Emotion Motion – the Good, the Bad, the Ugly

Nugget of wisdom from Santa Monica: Moses and the Ten Commandments – Why hearing a crowd chant your name is important.

It is a healing. It is validation. We need that. My friend hearing his name chanted - that's a good thing. It gives you that strength and that validation, that power that says "I exist. I am powerful. I am loved".

What is it about words? I always say words have vibration, words have power. There's so much energy associated with sound. The internal emotion logic works between two people. Two people are arguing and one person takes the emotional argument. The other person takes logical argument. We're working in a whole different system. We're working against imposter syndrome. We're working against everybody tells me whatever it is I want to hear, except for there's one person who says that hurtful comment. That's the only person (maybe I feel because I'm an imposter walking through the world because we all feel this way at some time where, you know, I don't belong. I'm not worthy. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not), so this is the only person who is telling me the truth and you start to become emotionally connected to the one person who tells you the truth. And it also can be because you are, you do feel like you're wearing this. It's like you're wearing a coat. This is your body. You're wearing it like a coat. And you’re you. You go through life sometimes worried that somebody is going to call you out on your BS. And so if somebody calls you out on anything, you feel like this is the one person who is being honest with me. This is why we are so emotionally attached to that ONE ugly comment.

Anecdote: this company called Despair: they do these demotivational motivational posters. There’s one for dysfunctional. The only thing in common between all of your unsatisfying relationships is you. So it's really hard to shuck that off or understand that.

More on criticism: (the unkind mean things people throw at you): …and then we have being a youth or being an unexperienced; un-fully formed kind of a person who's still trying to figure out who they are. And people love to tell you who you are. Why do they do that? Because they want you to be just like them. This concept takes you into a brand new completely other world of "the way I live is the best way to live. So you should live just like me, because then you living that way validates me".

Matt: …”and that's a lot of what I grew up in was, I lived this way, my parents lived a certain way and the people who they associated with lived basically the exact same way. And if you didn't kind of live that way, you were a little, either a little off, if it was only a little bit different or you were nuts, if it was completely different or they couldn't even fathom how you would, but by the same token, because you're their child and they are tutoring you and they are, providing a role model for you, if you choose not to live the same way they did, then you invalidate them too. So there's a jumble of all these emotions caught up inside of people”.

Fawn: Why do you think that that happens? Why do you think that people are so attached to you being like them as the only way to be? Why isn't it that they have a slate that says, you know what, you don't have to be like me, cause I want to be different; even if you are my child or my student. Why is that the common thread? Is it going back to when we were hunting and gathering, and you have to stick together. I mean, I don't understand where that thinking comes from.

Matt: It does. It has. It evolved from this, team-based kind of a feeling where, I'm on a team, we're all going forward. And this gets, I think, lost inside of a lot of emotions, but on some level,

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Your responsibility to party – How to be a good guest

Nugget- The blind date – How to be gracious

“To Be a Good Guest”

When I was little, my immediate family quite honestly, was pretty stressed all the time and angry and kind of hateful. I was always surprised by how the relatives put up with. I actually had to cut them off. It's not something I did lightly. It took many, many therapists to get me out of that situation. As a whole though, my family and its dynamics was very much the movie, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. It was exactly like that but Persian. The relatives would get together every week; parties all the time, get-togethers all the time; always in each other's business and very loud and the dinners are not just like quiet dinners with seven people.

As a child, every time I had to go to one of these parties, (I mean, other people would call them parties for us, it was just a Friday night), the amount of stuff that would happen in our home that I grew up in was just not happy. There was screaming, yelling, criticism, body shaming, all kinds of shaming, you name it. It was heavy. And this was right before going to see the relatives. As a kid, you can't just switch that off and go to a party and be the life of the party as a guest in someone’s home (at least, I couldn’t). Every time I was at a party, I would be in a corner sulking. At parties, I just wanted to be alone. I didn't want to be around anyone. My feelings were hurt and no one else really understood that. My relatives would try to force me to dance and grab my arms, drag me to get up out of the chair, to get me away from the corner. And it just hurt my feelings even more. I didn't understand the concept of a party or being a guest, even being a host. To this day, when I have to go to a party I have inner turmoil because I feel less than, ugly, body morph issues galore stemming from those times as a child.

It took years, many, many years to realize the responsibility I have as a guest and how important that is. It took being away from all that drama, moving away and hosting my own parties, attending all kinds of parties, to realize the art of being a good guest.

What is it to be a good guest? As much as I have empathy for my childhood self, I realized the act of sitting in a corner, sulking and not being a participant is giving the haters all the power, it’s such a downer for the whole place and a waste of time. We are here to live and to enjoy life. And just like that, I realized all of a sudden, like a flip of a coin, that I was the life of the party.

Here’s what I do: I interview people at parties like they’re major celebrities. I asked them questions about their lives. I marvel at what they are wearing, about how great they are, how great they look, and how interesting they are. I will give people the red carpet treatment. I enjoy the food and drink and express gratitude for the amazing feast. I dance like a fool and laugh. I help carry the party. And here’s the thing, the party is in daily life.

These are the things I am trying to teach my daughters. But really they were born with these instincts, until we came across one mean person after another and now I have to make sure they are brave and strong again; so they can go out boldly, enjoy and embrace life again, before the time the haters tried to dampen their flame. We all need to embrace life again!

My little girl (at two years old) with gusto, would step into every room and victoriously make an announcement that we were there (that we had arrived). We would go to swim lessons. We would push the doors of the public indoor swimming pool open together and with arms stretched out like she was embracing the entire place and all the swimmers, with voice echoing loudly she would exclaim that we’re swimming toda

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Fawn and Matt break out all their dictionaries and read all the definitions of friendship and have a good laugh. Then THEY break it down for real.

Fawn feels a kinship, like a family type feeling about certain people, to which Matt says they are not friends because they don’t even know you!

Fawn says we're all connected, at the risk of sounding way too woo woo. So yeah, this person doesn't know I exist perhaps, but they've touched my life profoundly. And because they touched my life, I shared how they touched my life with my close friends and so they also get touched and changed because of this person. Do they (the person that hasn’t met us) know how they changed lives?

When I tell other people about this person and it changes their life, it's a ripple effect.

My idea of friendship is getting a little bit more fluid, especially in the time of 2020, and the fact that we can't be together. Before 2020, our criteria was that to have a substantial friendship, you had to be together within a close proximity and not on social media, but in real life.

What are we going to do? How can we define it?

Are we growing as friends? Are we growing together towards something?

Matt: I'm still gonna take the hard line and say, there's a mystical connection that happens when you're physically present; physically adjacent to one another.

Fawn talks about how sometimes all she has is a tree to lean on… “I'm just saying, I'm trying to get it (the support of a friendly force) wherever I can find it. And if you think about it spiritually, you're never alone. There's always, you're a part of everything. Everything is a part of you. You have to broaden your scope.”

Fawn and Matt totally disagree about what a friendship is.

Fawns point: it is about connection. You have to recognize the connection. So when you are in a physical friendship situation, you can say, yeah, this is the connection. You have to look for it, even though you're locked down. Well, if you want to talk about it, as far as it feeling like you have to exercise those muscles, you have to exercise attention to the feelings. You need to have those feelings to live. It's like water and air. You need those feelings. And I'm saying to you sometimes you're in solitary mode and you need to have those feelings, first of all, within yourself. You have to be your own friend. You have to recognize happiness within yourself and not from the outside world. And that's key to friendship. You have to have that knowledge. You have to have that expertise about the feeling of friendship when you meet other people. It will enhance everything because you know that feeling, you know that dance, and you can pick it out from the ether.

THEN A MIRACLE HAPPENS! Fawn convinces Matt to shift his view! Matt: Friendship has to have a component of effort. There is no passivity in friendship.

Leave a review on iTunes to be eligible to win a print from Fawn's coffee table book. Send us an email with a screenshot of your review to be enetered.
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Today's Pearl has to do with fine lines and the path that we walk on. We discuss having the intention, awareness, and the wherewithal of knowing how we walk in the world. One of those paths we referred to as “A.W.O.L.” which in Santa Monica, California, stood for “Always West of Lincoln”.

Then there’s the Camino de Santiago (the Way of St. James) which is a large network of ancient pilgrim routes stretching across Europe and coming together at the tomb of St. James (Santiago in Spanish) in Santiago de Compostela in north-west Spain. We talk about this path and Fawn talks about listening to Caroline Myss and her experience as she walked part of this path and the insight she (Caroline Myss) shared.

There's a fine line to everything. We can walk on a path and if we veer even one step to the left or the right, we’ll have a completely different experience. As a photographer, Fawn is especially true in her field of art and how looking at the same thing, we will all have a completely different perspective.

Matt: “I think generally speaking, when you're walking the path, you're meant to walk, it feels easy. It feels comfortable. It feels right…and so it's about trying to find where that spot is or where that path is.”

Fawn: “I felt like a needle in an acupuncture session (there are some paths and places that I feel perfectly in tune with and others I pop out of and just don’t belong in)…it's just taking into consideration everything that's involved; even the forces that you may not be aware of, that you can't see, you have to feel for it.”

On today's episode, we are talking about foundation - Isaac Asimov's “Foundation”. Matt explains the story and explains how Asimov is one of the great classic science fiction writers (science fiction writers of the 1940 and 50s were the seers of our society).

Fawn’s take on Asimov and the questions that arise for her are: what are we fighting for? What is it that we're striving for? What are we going to create as far as a society in which there's balance, truth, and something symbiotic. How are we going to create that?

Once again, we bring in Aristotle and his Nicomachean Ethics (the three kinds of friendship) and bring it into focus as it relates to Asimov’s “Foundation” story. Aristotle pointed out the three forms of friendship as 1), there are those who love you because you are useful to them. 2), there are those who love you because your company provides them with pleasure. 3), is what Aristotle says is when you know, you have true friendship, like lifelong friendship that will withstand: those who love you because you're a good person.

In relation to the Nichomachean ethics and relating Aristotle’s ethics to Asimov’s Foundation: it's all about knowing who we are, knowing how we are useful, knowing how we are of service, and knowing how we make other people feel.

Matt shares a painful lesson about a work relationship.

Matt’s advice is to focus your attention where it matters and figuring out where it matters can be a tricky thing.

Matt: “…and if you want to look at it, very digital and hard and logical and everything else, same goes for friendships. You know, you cast your net out upon, across the waters it feels like to me sometimes. And sometimes you catch a fish and sometimes you don't. And where you don't, where you don't get something back; if your friendship is strictly a one way street, it's maybe not a friendship.”

Fawn explains that to know if there is balance is key, and using Aristotle’s ethics we can save so much time and heartache because once we are in the beginning of getting to know another person, we can (in a non-charged way), look at a situation and figure out which of these three is

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Jennifer Lopez, (aka Jenny from the block, JLO) visits and shoots a movie in the neighborhood and comments about our little village by asking: “Does anyone work?” when filming the movie “Monster In-Law”. She was noticing our way of being in our community. The truth is we all worked but we didn’t all have traditional “9-5” jobs. We also knew how to luxuriate and enjoy every single day and to someone looking in from the outside, it appeared that we just hung and played all day.

The Pearl of wisdom is to enjoy your life for God's sake. Just enjoy. Notice the trifles. There is really no need to rush. Put on your roller blades, roller skates, flip-flops, sit, sit at a coffee shop holding on to a cup of your favorite coffee, play, eat, watch the light change, drink a great delicious drink, ride a bicycle, feel the sand between your toes, feel the sun on your body, take a stroll, do a little dance down the sidewalk…you get the idea, right?

The focus of this week’s podcast is on the alpha, beta, omega, gamma, sigma… definitions of personalities that seem so rigid and outdated according to Fawn and Matt, as they break down the meaning of each stereotype and discuss who and how people really are away from these limited beliefs that society tries to impose.

Fawn and Matt share their experiences. Fawn shares her own limited beliefs about herself and how she realized that her friendship with one of her greatest friends got weird for her at one point, without her friend even realizing it, all because of her (Fawn’s) own insecurities about herself and her professional qualifications/identities where she felt “less than” or subordinate and not the alpha dog she perhaps wanted to be.

The DEFINITIONS: (We DISLIKE most of THESE DEFINITIONS! They are awful! One of the sources for these definitions came from themindsjournal.com

Alpha is generally considered the strongest of the group. They're very, very competitive. They're aggressive, very domineering. They're like the influencer. They're the ones that take charge. They're very bossy and often they're considered uncaring. They're just kind of like a bull. They just go and go for it. They take over.

Beta is the supportive person, who is sensitive, modest, easygoing, and reliable. They're collaborative. They tend to be more reserved. They're more responsible and they're often seen as insecure.

Omega is the type of person that will be seen as neurotic, laid back, eccentric, and least likely to take initiative. They're considered, the lowest on the chain of command. They tend to have low self-esteem. They are seen as having dismal lives, and yet they're creative. They're, unambitious and unsuccessful in their careers.

Gamma are seen as restless, adventurous, and fun. They like to do their own thing and create their own rules without giving into peer pressure. Alphas may mature into gammas they say, and become more considerate. Gammas are more social, socially conscious, and more diplomatic. For Alphas to become better human beings, they would turn into gammas. Gammas generally appear to lack assertiveness. They freely express their emotions and they aren't very interested in status symbols or gaining popularity.

Sigma the definition is they’re sardonic, cynical, bitter scornful. (That's what Sardonic means. I had to look that up - a little side note; sardonic comes from the Greek adjective Sardonios, which actually describes a plant from a place called Sardinia that supposedly made your face contort into a horrible grin... right before you died from its poison. The Greeks used sardonic for laughter, but we only use it when someone's

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Nugget and pearl of wisdom from Santa Monica Days: Iraq and Iran – the adventures of turtle/babysitting. Fawn’s Santa Monica friends (Anders and Liz), named their turtles Iran and Iraq to bring peace to the Middle East. The reasoning for the choice of their names was that every time they called their turtles lovingly by their names, they not only sent their turtles love but they held loving kindness for the Middle East at the same time. Words have power. Fawn and Matt begin relating words, numbers, zeros, ones and computer coding. Matt corrects Fawn and says as a programmer, he thinks “all things are code, code is not necessarily math. It’s Boolean logic and saying it’s a bunch of zeros and ones fails to convey the true majesty that is.”

This week’s topic is about the first time you felt the power of friendship and what it did for you and your life.

The alliance that we talk about this week is all about the sense that together, you’re able to do ANYTHING. You can overcome racial injustice, you can overcome economic injustice. You're able to overcome any obstacle or any hurt in front of you, TOGETHER.

This is why we began this friendly movement, because we’ve found that our society has really deteriorated as far as people really being together in neighborhoods, offices and at home, and how in-person friendships, walking arm in arm is now rare.

Friendship and the alliance that is created within that sanctuary are incredibly powerful and we wonder why it has disappeared and why we've become so disconnected. Together, we can create great beauty, peace and strength and have a kinder, healthier, richer, more compassionate world, and a stronger, more balanced society.

Do you have a first Alliance story? When was the first time that you felt the kind of friendship where you felt the power of a union, the power of a bond that made you feel invincible? What was it that drew you together? What was the common thread?

Feeling the great life pressures, not feeling supported and feeling upset and overwhelmed (and maybe not even realizing you have been feeling all of this), can wreak havoc on us, our lives, our health, and our relationships, and as a result, bad things can happen. When you’re in the thick of it, you don't understand that you're in pain because it feels normal until you get a break from it (if you get a break from it).

So we need to support each other. People do communicate their deepest pains. It may be subtly. It may be slyly. And if you're paying attention, you can pick up on it and you can ask the questions. A friendship is a cocoon where you can grow into what you're supposed to be, within a safe environment. You're protected within this friendship, within this circle.

We've all been disconnected. Come back and don't judge so much. Everybody's in pain. Don't judge it. Let's just be together and offer comfort. Let's provide a safe space for our friends to express the things they need to, and then in return, they will provide us a safe space so we can communicate the things we need to communicate.

Many of us have been treated “less than”, felt generally alone and absolutely isolated. It is a horrible feeling. How can we be heard and also hear our fellow brothers and sisters? It's about trying to focus in on what we can do. And here's the issue: we don't have a society where friends are a thing, (like real, for real friends, not talking Facebook friends but someone who has your back and can offer a shoulder to lean on).

When we don't have friendship, when we don’t have support, our capacity is limited, and we tend to lash out. This is why making sure that we develop bonds with one another is so important. It’s time to begin talking and paying attention

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Our nugget AKA pearls of wisdom for this episode involves Dr. Bradley Nelson, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Gregg Braden, the Heart Math Institute, Electromagnetic field, Heart math, heart brain, heart wall, intellectual humility, social intelligence, IQ, emotional intelligence, shared reality,

Magneto cardiogram and it measures the magnetic field of the heart. These machines record this field to be about 12 feet in diameter, but they're all saying that the machines are actually limited. That in fact they believe the, the field to be infinite, which makes sense.

How do we “Agree to Disagree”, especially now with so much charged emotion within our divided nation in the United States? How can we maneuver the misconstrued tones, the arguments that grow, the unexpressed resentments, the unheard voices, the differences of psyche, culture, sex, race, social/economic, generational points of view, the mess under the rug? How should we step away when both sides are deeply emotional? Can we find a shared reality? Do we have a shared reality? How can we acquire humility and be open to being wrong – can we commit of the possibility of being wrong?

The topic is super big, so big we are going to do many shows on this subject and we invite our special guest (our super-friend), Psychotherapist KJ Nasrul. We begin the conversation today.

About KJ:

Kimberly "KJ" Nasrul is a licensed psychotherapist and musician nursing an obsession with words...and a gift for making grilled cheese sandwiches. She helps healers and essential frontline workers recover their resilient stories via music, art and compassionate conversations so that they can continue to uplift and heal their communities.

When she's not planning her next traveling adventure, kJ can be found on her podcast Stories of Astonishing Light jamming with musicians, artists and trailblazers about creativity and mental wellness accessibility for all communities.

KJ’s a Disaster Mental Health Responder (Psychological First Aid) and Quality Improvement Specialist for personal health privacy (so sexy, right?).

Connect With KJ:

website: https://blissbeginswithin.com

podcast: https://storiesofastonishinglight.buzzsprout.com/

instagram: @BlissBeginsWithin and @MusingsOnOther

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This week’s nugget is a 16th century Norwegian term, meaning to comfort or to console - related to the English word “hug”.

You need HYGGE in your life, especially these days, guys, this is how we can feel better! Here are some words words associated with HYGGE – comfort, cozy, relaxation, indulgence, and gratitude. This is about taking pleasure in the presence of a gentle thing, soothing things like a freshly brewed cup of coffee, cozy socks, food, drink, pastries, whatever your favorite things are, you partake in them and have them all around you. There’s even a HYGGE manifesto containing 10 things that will get you to a HYGGE state! We share them with you!

There's a book that's called the book of” HYGGE - the Danish art of contentment, comfort and connection”. There's a quote from it: “a practical way of creating sanctuary in the middle of a very real life and a cure for S a D” a cure for sad, which stands for seasonal affective disorder.

In this episode, we learn about the unfortunate engagement Fawn had long before she met Matt, her fiancé’s very racist mother and the ultimatum she was given before her departure of her photography project to Ethiopia, how she came to being in the same room as Caroline Myss, and learning first-hand the meaning and significance of EMOTIONAL CURRENCY. Then of course, Matt has his take on the subject and the hilarity ensues over who came up with the concept. They both agree however that this form of currency is a major factor to consider in any relationship and discuss how to develop a healthy account.

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First, Santa Monica’s pearl of wisdom:

This week’s pearl of Wisdom from Santa Monica comes via Fawn’s Santa Monica Bathroom conversation delivery and what was shared with her that was a game changer. There are three words that have to this day been chanted by Fawn and those close to her. We talk about a couple of things here regarding the pearl of wisdom. Number one is what you focus on grows. So focusing on money coming, it's going to make that grow and happen. When Fawn was first learning to drive, her point of focus would have her not able to drive straight because she focused on a short, short distance (because she was fixated on the hood of the car) instead on the road ahead. You need to look way down the road where you want to go. Don't focus on that spot so close to you. Look to where you want to go. Look really far out, look way ahead of you. Your vision always has to be shifting. It’s about knowing what the next step is, and knowing where you’re going. If I have both of those things, things will feel pretty darn good on any particular aspect of your life. Look to where you want to go. Look really far out.

When you're riding a mountain bike down a trail, if you focus on the pothole in the middle of the trail, you're going to hit it. If you focus on the clean line around it, you're going to do that.

So it's all about where you draw your attention. If you keep your attention focused on the negative, well then guess what the negative is more, more likely to happen. And if you focus on the positive, it's the positive.

Show topic: “Busy” Have we become shackled by an invisible force? Fawn argues YES! Matt has his take on the subject that is more optimistic than Fawn’s. Fawn believes this is the four letter word that has contributed to the loneliness epidemic. From business, the corporate world, to standing in your kitchen, feeling overwhelmed, to feeling if you're not busy you’re are missing something, that you’re not doing enough, to the feeling of guilt that is all over everything, we discuss what it all means and go with Matt’s sage advice: “on a day to day, focusing at least for a minute, a while, on the things that are truly important and realizing what those things are that you need to completely break yourself away from wherever you are. That's key.” Bottom line- everyone is operating at their highest capacity and we need to relax and appreciate each other.

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Critic: A person who expresses and unfavorable opinion of something a person who judges the merits of literary artistic or musical works, especially one who does so professionally

Criticism: The practice of judging the merits and faults of something.

Fawn thinks they're the downfall of our culture, of our society. She can't stand them. ARE THEY VITAL TO OUR SOCIETY????What kind of critics are there? Art, business, coding, neighborhood people, friends, family, randoms, yoga women…Is there a semblance of a constructive opinion, constructive criticism?????

We talk about the HATERS (thank you Katt Williams and Busy Philipps).Then there is the silent critic: complicitness

This episode almost didn't get aired. Fawn ended up in tears towards the end and Matt stepped away from the mic. The issue was resolved. If only we could have more conversations like this one (that got uncomfortable for a minute), we would all end up feeling good.

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What happened to the village? We always heard that “it takes a village”, but Fawn points out that most of the time; we’re left on our own. This leads us to mentors. Where are the mentors? Does anyone truly have the knowledge to guide us? From Fawn’s point of view, the world is changing so rapidly and radically that we’re all trying to figure things out and the role of the mentor, apprentice, journeyman...etc, is no longer really there…EXCEPT, Fawn believes that friendships, the friend, babies, and THE COW (tune in to hear Fawn’s story and inspiration from the cows in New Delhi, India) are the new mentors as we guide each other through life. Matt has a totally different take on things (of course).

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How do you handle criticism when it is beyond the simple critique? How to hear the good voices telling you, that you’re great, and why do we get stuck on the attacks and become unable to hear the good? Fawn shares her personal experience with her career, being a woman of color in an unkind, white dominated art world, how she was treated, resulting in her fighting back and making a radicle turn in her work , how she does business, as well as how she relates to people. Listen to the funny and revealing stories of the art photography world and her experience out in the bush on the border of Kenya and Ethiopia, how Matt’s code blends in to this issue and how to move forward while staying true to yourself.

“Emotion builds Taj Mahals. Logic says F you and walks away. There is a certain element of compartmentalization. There's a certain element of looking holistically at your life and saying, does my life suck or does my life rule? If your life in general rules, one tiny little piece of one tiny little piece of gray sky, isn't going to affect it.”

Everybody has moments that they suck, and everybody has moments that they rule. It's a question of what you focus on grows; where you want to spend your emotional currency.

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PLAY – We begin to find out why Fawn’s nick name is “The Wookie” and why she struggles with playing all the great games: Pictionary, Scrabble, cards, music… We know all the great things friendship does for us spiritually, physically, emotionally, and the same, same is true about play. Play is a source of relaxation. It feels our imagination, our creativity, helps with problem solving skills, and helps our emotional wellbeing. It takes our mind off of stuff. It helps with brain function, changes our perspective and even helps generate optimism. And most importantly, it builds relationships and connections. Play is a basic need.

In this episode Fawn and Matt talk about the science and emotional component to this very important and basic need and relate it to our lives, friendships as well as the power plays in corporations.

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We begin with Rumi as food for thought and get right into it. Fawn challenges Darwin’s theory and uses the unlikely friendships as an example of how wrong Darwin’s theory is. Nature relies on cooperation and mutual aid, not competition. It's not about competing for survival. We're here to help each other.

As the conversation gets even deeper, we talk about how compassion has a life force, that it's the glue and the foundation for love. Love doesn't last without compassion, which leads us to explore the role our jobs have in shaping our lives and how we can turn that around.

We also have the 90 second rule to allow your to fully experience and feel, after which brings you freedom from negative emotions.

Stay tuned for the last half of the episode as Matt really goes for it and lays down some fabulous wisdom.

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We begin this week with 3 nuggets of gold information and carry on to the unresolved emotion that is at the root of it all. We talk about the Heart Math Institute research, Gregg Braden, the brilliant work of neuroscientist, Dr. Candace Pert, “Molecules of Emotion”, Mr. José Mujica, the former president of Uruguay, the 90 second feeling, the question of why we have a 40 plus hour work week and how that runs our lives and friendships. Pay close attention to the end of the show to hear how it all ties together.

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Logic can’t get you out of something that emotion has gotten you into. Fawn and Matt discuss the difference between logic and emotion, the importance of speaking, being heard, the state of the world, how to hear what is really going on and how respect plays the role in all of it. From mixed martial arts to Aikido to Nascar, to Nicomachean Ethics, Matt’s super-secret formula for pick’em survivor league (NFL), to becoming like bamboo, the art of friendship is further unpacked and by the end of the episode things really go deep with one of the big reasons for how our society has become touched by the loneliness epidemic. Make sure you lean in towards the end of the episode for the revelations of imposter syndrome.

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Why don't we follow through (regarding friendship, our dreams in life, our goals, our health, all the things that need some action, some movement)? What is the thing that stops us from doing and creating? This week's episode, Fawn and Matt bring up Sumo Wrestling, Herman Hesse, Dr. Mario Martinez, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Carolyn Myss, Aikido, dinner parties, being honest, misunderstandings, and how effort is involved and the one key to make it all effortless.

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Fawn and Matt discuss the philosophy of Aikido (the Japanese martial art founded by Morihei Ueshiba that operates using the art of peace). They describe the one purpose, which is to better the lives of people, especially those who attack you physically and emotionally and being able to bring harmony to each situation (as your job is to protect your attacker: "If your opponent strikes with fire, counter with water, becoming completely fluid and free-flowing. Water by its nature, never collides with or breaks against anything. On the contrary, it swallows up any attack harmlessly." - Morihei Ueshiba (translated by John Stevens)

This episode further explores our interactions with one another at the office and in our personal lives and is about applying the Art of Peace to the Art of Friendship.

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Fawn and Matt share stories of friends along the way that shifted everything in their lives for the better. Fawn gets emotional about her friend "Subculture Joe" (Jason) and how he made a profound impact on her and on the city of Seattle. Fawn and Matt also debate free will as Fawn shares her thoughts on destined meetings and how even the people you pass by on the sidewalk could be special preplanned connections.

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Fawn and Matt talk about treating the outer world (and your inner world) as your home and everyone in it as your special guest.Treating strangers, people you know, to people you work with and even advisaries as if they are your guests and assuming the role of a party host and creating a space to have people feel at home (no matter where we are).

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Could the loneliness epidemic have been rooted initially from the family unit, where we learned how to treat each other? As the family dynamic has changed over the last few generations, so now have friendships. Fawn and Matt also discuss the role of the corporate/job world and how that has influenced our relationships and where we go from here.

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Fawn describes how "Be Friendly World" and this podcast began and the mentor who was the catalyst. She describes Santa Monica, the kind of utopia that existed within a community in Los Angeles and how after traveling around the world as a documentary photographer she noticed the growing disconnect in our society, a loneliness epidemic that exists, and how to resolve it.

Our Friendly World with Fawn and Matt - Friendship Tools: Recent Episodes

Fawn Anderson

LikeHearted, #GenuineConnections, #DeepConversations, #FriendshipMatters, #Openness, #BreakingBarriers, #AuthenticLiving

ChazEbert, #FECKPrinciples, #EmpathyInAction, #ForgivenessJourney, #KindnessMatters, #CompassionateLiving, #InspireChange

HealthyBoundaries, #FriendshipChallenges, #SelfRespect, #EmotionalWellbeing, #PersonalGrowth, #LifeLessons, #PodcastCommunity

BuildingConnections, #TrueFriendship, #MeaningfulConversations, #GenuineConnections, #CuriosityMatters, #FriendshipGoals, #BeInterested

MakingFriends, #OppositesAttract, #NewFriendships, #StepOutOfComfortZone, #SocialConnections, #PodcastEpisode, #FriendshipGoals

TechUnfiltered, #DigitalAwareness, #InternetPrivacy, #AlgorithmInsights, #DiversePerspective, #OnlineExperience, #TechTips

DiverseFriendships, #RelationshipGoals, #StressRelief, #CommunicationMatters, #EmbraceDifferences, #UniqueApproach

Friendship, #Resilience, #Stoicism, #Mindfulness, #Mental Fitness, #Gratitude, #Connection

PartyPlanning, #HostingTips, #SocialGatherings, #HospitalityIdeas, #MemorableEvents, #NeighborStories, #IntrospectiveConversations

WorldsFair, #FutureOfHope, #ScienceFiction, #PositivityMatters, #AIAndCreativity, #CommunityBuilding, #OvercomingFear

VulnerabilityMatters, #VoiceOverCommunity, #GenerosityInAction, #AuthenticConnections, #VoiceActing, #CommunitySupport, #PersonalGrowth

MarkTwain #TravelDiaries #FriendshipJourney #PersonalGrowth #PhotographyPassion #SelfAwareness #PodcastLife

Friendship, #MuhammadAli, #LifeWisdom, #PersonalGrowth, #ConflictResolution, #SelfCare, #EmotionalHealth, #Respect, #Communication, #Relationships, #PodcastEpisode, #Inspiration

PodcastEpisode, #NewEpisode, #Friendship, #Rumi, #TheGuestHouse, #HumanExperience, #LifeLessons, #EmotionalWellness, #PersonalGrowth, #MentalHealth, #Mindfulness, #PositiveThinking, #LifeJourney, #SelfCare, #InspirationalQuotes,

PodcastRecommendations, #PodcastCommunity, #PodcastLovers, #PodcastLife, #PodcastAddict, #PodcastsOfInstagram, #Motivation, #Inspiration, #Healing, #WellBeing, #LifeAdvice, #InnerPeace, #SelfImprovement, #EmotionalHealth

FriendshipChallenges, #InnerPeace, #Self-Care, #Patience, #Faith, #Guidance, #Resilience

Friendship, #Companionship, #SocialConnections, #BuildingRelationships, #SupportiveNetworks, #Bonding, #Camaraderie

Friendship, #Authenticity, #Positivity, #Resilience, #Self-help, #Joyful, #GenuineConnections

Friendship, #Resilience, #Perseverance, #HumanRelationships, #Self-doubt, #Introspection, #Projection

FriendshipGoals #RitualsOfFriendship #DeepeningConnections #HappinessThroughRituals #SimpleJoys #IntimateMoments #EmbracingRituals #MeaningfulConnections #EverydayHappiness #FindingJoy

EnchantedStranger, #EmbracingEachEncounter, #TransformativeImpact, #PowerOfEmbracing, #ImportanceOfSelf-Love, #HonoringAndAppreciatingOurselves, #MovingPastTrauma

OrangePeelTheory, #FriendshipStrength, #RelationshipGauge, #EmotionalIntelligenceTest, #MicroGestures, #FavorsInRelationships, #AuthenticityInFriendships, #TheOrangePeelTest, #TheArtOfFriendship, #FriendshipPodcast

TheArtOfFriendship, #OurFriendlyWorld, #TheArtOfJoy, #JoyChallenge, #BigJoy, #GreaterGoodScience, #UCBerkeleyJoyProject, #DailyJoyCreation, #EmbracingJoy, #WellBeingJourney, #ShiftYourPerspective, #GratitudePractice

CreativeWriting, #Photography, #ArtCritics, #OvercomingChallenges, #SelfValidation, #Okay, #LifeLessons, #LetItGo, #PeerSupport, #OK, #Friendship, #LifeLessons

storytelling, #ConversationalSkills, #AskingQuestions #CommunicationTechniques, #authenticity, #MindfulnessInCommunication, #DeepListening, #UnderstandingOthers

clown, #HumanitarianClowning, #community, #friendship, #connection, #compassion, #conversation #DownToClown #TheArtOfFriendship

MiraculousFriend #FriendshipMagic #UnexpectedConnections #OpenToMiracles #EverydayMiracles #GratitudeJourney #RandomActsofKindness #UnveilingMiracles #FriendshipEncounters #LifeSurprises

IndividualismVsCollectivism #CulturalInfluences #MediaBias #PerspectiveShift #OpenMindedness #SocietalDivisions #MindsetMatters #DiversePerspectives #PodcastDiscussion #SocialThoughts #BiasAwareness

Superstitions, #Friendship, #Chaos, #Anxiety, #Quirks, #Upliftment, #Joy, #Podcast, #ChildhoodBeliefs, #Laughter, #Insights, #Adventure, #Embrace, #Reflection, #Whimsical, #SharedExperiences, #OurFriendlyWorld, #Authenticity

NeedForSpeed, #UrbanMobilityBehavior, #ArtOfFriendship, #Community, #friendshipChangesTheWorld, #SlowDown!

ZenKoan, #Thomas Merton, #MountBaldyZenCenterSouthernCalifornia,

ContextShifting #WastingTime #BeingProductive #LiveRichly**

BarryLane, #HowtoNotStressAboutMoney, #ÉmileDurkheim, #community, #theartoffriendship, #theartofcommunity

Aikido, #Judo**

HankWessel, #GeorgiaO'Keefe, #F.ScottFitzgerald, #TaoTeChingOfFriendship, ParentsTaoTeChing, #TheMarvelousMrsMaisel, #signsthathelpus

comission, #Omission, #BlockbusterVideo, #FriendBreakUp, #WhenFriendshipsBreak**

Chi, #acupuncturist, #Acupressure, #Aikido, #martial art, #emotions, #life-force, #balance**

life force energy, #sonic signature, ##messages in water,**

EstablishedHierarchy, #TheArtOfKnowingYourWeakness, #TheArtOfVulnerability, #TheArtOfMakingFriends, #TransitionFriends**

ZenStories, #aPositiveAttitudeTowardsLife, #NoFateButWhatWeMake, #Auger, #TwoWolves, #TheArtOfFriendship, #OurFriendlyWorldWithFawnAndMattPodcast, #ArtOfFriendship, #PickingUpOnMassConsciousness,

WhatIsStrongerLoveOrHate #Uvalde #LoveIsEternal #HealingABrokenHeart**https://www.ourfriendlyworldpodcast.com/a-kind-world-with-special-guest-barry-lane/

Twitter, #gossip, #bonding, #connection, #storytelling, #misinformation, #crazy, #stupid, #the art of friendship, #land of Shinar, #The story of Babel, #Tower of Babel, #fragmentation, #confirmation bias,

conversation, #Invite, #Invitation, #Insight, #Incite, #TheArtofConversation, #Social-emotionalLearning, #Theartoffriendship, #ESL

Galvanized, #Electric, #powerful, #light, #spark, #change, #electromagnetic, #hotstuff, #ignition, #theworldisasafeplace, #akindworld, #afriendlyworld, #ourfriendlyworldwithfawnandmatt, #betterstrongertogether

Squadcast.fm #podcast #between2mics #CFO #Nuggetofwisdom, #SantaMonica, #Aikido, #crosstraining, #martialarts, #BrazilianJiu-Jitsu #RicksonGracie #wrestling, #respect, #honor, #losing, #winning, #beingagoodstudent, #communication, #family, #goodteammate, #kindness, #conflictresolution,

SantaMonica #champagneSundays #rituals #visualization #celebration #wish #makeawish #livingthelife #fieldofdreams #findingthelightinthedarkness, #abrahamhicks, #CarolineMyss, #thecoffeebean, #Wishbaker, #OurFriendlyWorldwithFawnandMatt

leader #ittakesavillage #parenthood #friendship #leadership, #business #tantrums #servant #servantleader #despit #compassion #undercoverboss #tedlasso #ellewoods #legallyblonde #aikido