The Worthy Of Show: Recent Episodes
Karleigh Saunders
As an abuse recovery coach, I’ve worked with many women, helping them heal from the abusive, toxic relationships they’ve been in. There was a common thread among them all: they didn’t think they were worthy of real love. I’ve made it my personal mission to share the truth: that you ARE worthy of real love and love is NOT abuse. Worthy Of is all about helping you heal and showing you that you really ARE worthy of it ALL.
www.karleighlynne.com/cyclebreaker
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/group
www.karleighlynne.com/cyclebreaker
www.karleighlynne.com/group
Trauma Bond Resources: https://karleighlynne.com/?s=trauma+bond
www.karleighlynne.com/favorites
www.karleighlynne.com/cyclebreaker
www.karleighlynne.com/group
www.karleighlynne.com/cyclebreaker
www.karleighlynne.com/boundaries
www.karleighlynne.com/triggered
www.karleighlynne.com/233
www.karleighlynne.com/triggered
www.karleighlynne.com/cyclebreaker
www.karleighlynne.com/232
www.karleighlynne.com/cyclebreaker
www.karleighlynne.com/231
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
Trauma Bond Resources: https://karleighlynne.com/?s=trauma+bonds
www.karleighlynne.com/230
www.karleighlynne.com/cyclebreaker
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/cyclebreaker
www.karleighlynne.com/triggered
www.karleighlynne.com/boundaries
https://karleighlynne.com/141/ (abuse and the brain)
Transcript: www.karleighlynne.com/228
www.karleighlynne.com/triggered
www.karleighlynne.com/boundaries
www.karleighlynne.com/225 for transcript
www.karleighlynne.com/cyclebreaker
www.karleighlynne.com/224
for the transcript and shownotes
www.karleighlynne.com/triggered
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/223
SOURCE: https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/resources/children_domestic_violence_navigating_relationship_with_abusive_parent.pdf
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
SOURCE: https://bethesdahouse.ca/about-abuse/the-effects-of-relationship-abuse-on-children/
www.karleighlynne.com/starterkit
www.karleighlynne.com/healing
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
article: https://www.talkspace.com/blog/can-single-moms-heal-domestic-violence/
www.karleighlynne.com/waitlist
www.karleighlynne.com/healing
www.karleighlynne.com/workshop
https://karleighlynne.com/2021/02/03/cognitivedissonance/
source: https://thebanyans.com.au/stages-of-ptsd/
Worthy of Recovery: https://www.worthy-apparel.com/products/worthy-of-recovery-30-day-journal-for-survivors-of-abuse
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www.twitter.com/karleigh_lynne
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www.karleighlynne.com/shop
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www.karleighlynne.com/worthybox
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www.karleighlynne.com/youtube
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www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
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www.karleighlynne.com/shop
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/youtube
www.karleighlynne.com/shop
www.karleighlynne.com/youtube
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
Goals episode: https://confidencefromthegroundup.podbean.com/e/171-how-to-set-recovery-goals
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/youtube
Source: https://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/handle/10665/341604/WHO-SRH-21.6-eng.pdf
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How do I know if I’m in an abusive relationship? The initial answer that I give is if you’re asking the question, you probably are.
If you’re uncomfortable with that, here’s a bit of a deeper answer:
If anyone is out to make you feel uncomfortable or if someone is purposely trying to make you live in fear, tearing down your sense of self worth and safety, that’s abusive.
I’m going to be diving deeper into this question while referencing the article What is Domestic Abuse? from UN.org.
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Have you ever wondered why victims don’t leave abusive relationships? Have you ever wondered why YOU didn’t leave the abusive relationship? If so, you’re not alone. I talk about this a lot because I’m so passionate about it. I want people to understand that it’s so much more difficult than we realize.
I’ve talked about trauma bonds which is a VERY real reason why victims can’t ‘just leave.’ But in this post we’re going to discuss the societal reasons that keep victims stuck.
TRIGGER WARNING: There’s no deep details, but there will be mention of some heavier topics related to abuse. If you feel you can’t deal right now, that’s totally ok! Keeping yourself mentally safe is so important.
A question that comes up a lot is “Well why didn’t you just leave?” Source: https://ncadv.org/why-do-victims-stay
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If you’re anything like me, rest is a word that you’re not particularly fond of. While sleep definitely sounds nice, there’s so much to do that you feel guilty for even considering it. You’re worried that if you stopped to rest, you won’t come back to it.
Or even worse, you’ll lose all of the progress that you’ve made.
You feel like you have so far to go that you just don’t have time to rest. Boo – I feel you.
As someone who hates the idea of resting, I can’t even watch a movie without doing something else.
But I also realize that whether I like it or not, rest is essential to my recovery journey.
Like it or not, rest is essential to YOUR recovery journey.
Are you truly making progress? www.karleighlynne.com/worthybox
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/youtube
Self awareness can be dangerous. Knowledge is powerful but it can lead us to believe that because we have the knowledge we’re now invincible.
When you learn about the dynamics of an abusive relationship, when you can recognize gaslighting, you begin to fall into a pattern of beating yourself up when you have a human reaction to those things.
“I knew he was gaslighting me – why did I let him get under my skin?”
“Oh my gosh I KNEW he was trying to manipulate the heck out of me and I let him.”
Knowing about the brain doesn’t make you immune to the brain. www.karleighlynne.com/shop
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www.karleighlynne.com/search
www.karleighlynne.com/shop use PODCAST
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www.karleighlynne.com/confidence
There is a real epidemic of people believing that they can’t have something. I’m not sure where it all stems from since everyone’s lives are different, which means the origin of their beliefs are different.
Some people truly believe that joy, excitement, abundance, it’s not for them. This attitude breeds resentment towards people who have those things which then creates more of the belief and more resentment.
I used to be part of that group, so this isn’t coming from judgement.
But there is the reality that, when you put in the effort, you can bust out of that.
There are those that don’t want to put in the effort which is the unfortunate majority.
These people also become angry at and resentful of those who are willing to put in the work.
Are you beginning to see how this cycle perpetuates itself? www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.twitter.com/karleigh_lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/shop
Let’s get real about sex. First off: do whatever you want with your body. If you’re doing something and you’re enjoying it, get it, boo! I ain’t judging.
What I’m going to address specifically is the woman who is having sex because she feels obligated to or because she feels that’s the only way she ever gets love.
I’ve been both and it tore me up inside.
There aren’t enough people being truly honest and open about how sex affects our lives and the impact it can leave. This is especially so when we’ve experienced abuse, particularly if we’ve been sexually assaulted.
When our body has been violated, it shifts our relationship with it. www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/worthybox
www.instagram.com/worthymerchandapparel
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CONNECT WITH TRISHA: https://www.instagram.com/a.safe.place.to.land/
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The Last Duel Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HP38sXyAImI
CONNECT WITH ASHLEY:
https://twitter.com/victoriavsalt
Below are the links discussed in today's podcast:
https://www.missingkids.org/gethelpnow/cybertipline (cybertipline.org will also get you there)
https://www.missingkids.org/HOME (this is the homepage for NCMEC)
https://www.missingkids.org/gethelpnow/support/teamhope (Team HOPE)
https://www.interpol.int/en/Crimes/Crimes-against-children/Appropriate-terminology
Candace Parrott Episode: https://confidencefromthegroundup.podbean.com/e/124-the-truth-of-human-trafficking-with-candace-parrott/
www.karleighlynne.com/wu
www.karleighlynne.com/youtube
Start Here Playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB_3Za7PqWnRHJTS1GXUpaSnGBmWxatKd
CONNECT WITH ALLENA
https://www.facebook.com/bellakali09
www.tiktok.com/@bellakali
CONNECT WITH ME!
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.twitter.com/karleigh_lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/youtube
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www.twitter.com/karleigh_lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/shop
www.karleighlynne.com
In this episode, Liz breaks down how to shift into the mindset of abundance and change our lives from the inside out.
CONNECT WITH LIZ:
https://www.instagram.com/all_that_liz/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCC_Cbm7nEyG8fasmxOrgCA/featured
CONNECT WITH ME:
https://www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/worthyjournal
Intimate Partner Violence, Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships oh my! There are so many different words and phrases that it makes this whole process so ridiculously confusing. That's why in this video, I'm breaking down the different phrases and what they mean. Understanding what each of these mean is going to make it easier as you navigate your own healing journey.
SOURCE LINKS:
https://www.un.org/en/coronavirus/wha...
https://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/h...
WORTHY MERCH:
www.karleighlynne.com/shop
CONNECT WITH ME ONLINE
https://karleighlynne.com
https://instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
https://twitter.com/karleigh_lynne
CONNECT WITH RHONDA: czylady@hotmail.com
www.tiktok.com/@dozerdiva
www.karleighlynne.com/shop
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.twitter.com/karleigh_lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/worthyjournal
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.twitter.com/karleigh_lynne
SOURCE: https://www.yourtango.com/2017301417/what-emotional-abuse-looks-like-dont-mistake-it-love
www.instagram.com/juliakotziamani/
www.instagram.com/karleighlynne
MILF School Podcast with Julia: https://open.spotify.com/show/2jiWEfn5DcDvmr9kWoMva1?si=qDjeSEEVSWChypukglK8fA&nd=1
How did I get stuck in the cycle of abuse over and over again?
I asked this question to myself a lot and found that many others do, too. Even if we understand what got us here in the first place, we don’t understand why we keep going back to relationships where we’re treated like garbage.
If you relate to this, you’re in the right place.
If you haven’t listened to the “cycle of abuse” episode yet, I highly recommend you do. It’ll make this make SO much more sense.
I was stuck in the abusive relationship cycle from the time I was 12 years old until I was 23.
When one relationship ended, I jumped right into another one. Each relationship more toxic than the last.
These relationships taught me that I wasn’t good enough, not strong enough, not capable of ‘holding onto’ somebody.
I ultimately put this on myself and this fueled the cycle even more.
I reached a point where I thought this is what I deserved so I created a self fulfilling prophecy.
This is the mindset that keeps us in the cycle of abuse. But how does this mindset start, anyway? Today, that's what we're gonna find out.
www.karleighlynne.com/confidence
www.karleighlynne.com/worthyjournal
CONNECT WITH MINDY: mindyb17@yahoo.com
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www.twitter.com/karleigh_lynne
Abusive relationships are predictably unpredictable. However, when you take a step back you’ll see that they’re actually cyclical.
Enter in the Cycle of Abuse.
When you recognize the cycle of abuse, whether you’re currently in the relationship or you’re out, you’ll be empowered to make choices that will best benefit you.
What is the cycle of abuse? The cycle of abuse was first created and made popular by Eleanor Walker in 1979.
Listen to that for a second 1979. It is right now the time of this recording 2021 which means it hasn’t been even 30 years since this was created.
It’s important to know that this cycle of abuse can apply to not only romantic relationships. This can happen between coworkers, platonic relationships, familial relationships. So if you’ve experienced this in a non-romantic relationship, you’re not alone.
Worthy of Recovery: www.karleighlynne.com/worthyjournal
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.twitter.com/karleigh_lynne
www.https://www.tiktok.com/@karleighlynne
https://www.instagram.com/juliakotziamani/
MILF School Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2jiWEfn5DcDvmr9kWoMva1?si=qDjeSEEVSWChypukglK8fA&nd=1
The Fire Place (Facebook Group): https://www.facebook.com/groups/761481684477124
https://www.juliakotziamani.com/
https://www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne/
www.karleighlynne.com/worthyjournal
There is nothing that irritates me more than when someone looks at a victim of abuse and says “you should’ve just left.” Not only is this a ridiculously insensitive comment, but it also reflects their ignorance to the subject.
Victims don’t stay in abusive relationships because we like the abuse. What we go through actually alters the brain and changes the way that it functions.
So in this post I’m going to share some excerpts from articles that give information on this subject.
This is only the very top tip of the iceberg, but it gives a solid overview and understanding of why victims respond the way that they do to abuse.
Unfortunately the research on the brains of survivors is very new, so we don’t know the intricacies of it yet. But I’m so happy it’s finally happening. We’re going to finally have answers and begin to change the narrative around abuse recovery.
Worthy of Recovery: www.karleighlynne.com/worthyjournal
Sources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/neurosagacity/201701/the-brain-can-work-against-abuse-victims
https://www.stwnewspress.com/opinion/commentary-domestic-violence-how-trauma-impacts-the-brain-and-behavior/article_da8b56fc-de14-11e8-b5c6-9b9f636b1ad1.html
While conversations around sex are deemed as inappropriate, Jessica Biles has decided to change that. As a Christian Sex Coach, Jessica is making waves and turning heads as she helps women throw out that sexual shame and embrace who they truly are. This is especially important for people who are survivors of abusive relationships. Sex takes on a whole new meaning, especially if it was used against you. Regardless of what you believe, be sure to listen to this powerful episode. You're going to be challenged, you'll laugh your head off, and you'll leave feeling far more empowered than you thought possible.
CONNECT WITH JESSICA ONLINE https://www.instagram.com/jessicaleighbiles/
https://jessicaleighbiles.com/
WORTHY OF RECOVERY
https://sso.teachable.com/secure/688983/checkout/3149759/worthy-of-recovery-journal-bundle
WORTHY MERCH: karleighlynne.com/shop
FREE CONFIDENCE COURSE karleighlynne.com/confidence
GET ON THE WORTHY WAITLIST karleighlynne.com/worthy
CONNECT WITH ME ONLINE https://karleighlynne.com
https://instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
Karleigh Saunders is an abuse recovery coach, speaker, educator, and professional hype woman. She is the founder of Worthy and host of the Confidence from the Ground Up Podcast.
Karleigh provides education and support to women who have survived abusive relationships through educational videos on YouTube, daily tips on Instagram and twice a week on the podcast. She also provides coaching and accountability with Worthy, her group coaching membership for female survivors.
Disclaimer: all opinions are my own. This information is not meant to be used to diagnose or provide treatment of any kind. All information is for education and entertainment purposes only.
I want to be real here and be vulnerable here may come and bite me in the butt. But you know what I know someone needs this.
For most of my life, I needed attention from men. And when I say need, I’m not talking about some funny sitcom where the woman is desperately single. No, I mean, from the time that I was like seven years old, I was obsessed with getting validation and attention from men. If a man was nice to me, I obsessed over it. It didn’t matter if they were my age, or if they were in their 60s, if someone smiled my way and they happen to to look like a man, I wanted their attention.
I neededtheir validation, I could not function without it. I obsessed over it.
I’m talking about literally creating full-on-situations-in-my-brain obsessed with it.
I understand that this stems from what happened to me as a child. As I begin to process through that, these things made sense. But it doesn’t change the fact that I desperately needed this attention.
It consumed every thought of mine.
Now I’m 28 years old and have been on this healing journey for several years now.
“I really amworthy” is part of my daily vocabulary.
www.karleighlynne.com/shop
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
Are you carrying a fear of growth?
If you are, you’re not alone. This is what we’re diving into today.
What holds a lot of people back from growth is knowing that it isn’t going to be easy.
Today, we’re asking specifically why you’re afraid of truly growing and healing.
Here’s reality: as you begin to heal, you’re going to work through some of the most difficult things that you’ve been avoiding.
That’s terrifying.
You’ve been avoiding these things for a reason. Now you know that it’s gonna be even worse and so you don’t want to deal.
But even with that being the reality, deep down under all of those things, there’s even more difficult things you don’t want to even acknowledge. Honestly, you may not even entirely know what those things are but you know that it’s gonna be heavy. You know that it’s going to impact you and it might genuinely break your heart. I’ve been there.
www.karleighlynne.com/shop
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
karleighlynne.com/shop
www.NarcTok.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@keepspeakingyourtruth
keepspeakingyourtruth@gmail.com
When you hear the word codependent, what do you think of?
If you’re anything like me, you think of those clingy people who can’t survive without being latched on to another person. In our minds, that’s codependent. And yes, that is most definitely codependent.
But what if I told you that that’s not the only form of codependence according to the dictionary.
Codependency is defined as: excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on an account of illness or addiction.
This means that typically the person that we get latched on to are those who struggle with addiction, mental illness or chronic physical illness. Why? Because we have taken care of them so much that we get latched on.
First, we need to recognize that it doesn’t always need to be a romantic partner. To be completely honest, it’s not always a single person.
If I can be super vulnerable here for a second, I was truly codependent with anyone who gave me attention. If someone so much just gave me a smile, I would do anything for them. Like, I would probably chop off my leg and give it to them if they asked.
www.karleighlynne.com/youtube for boundaries playlist.
www.karleighlynne.com/049
www.karleighlynne.com/confidence
karleighlynne.com/shop Inspirationally Speaking, LLC Website: www.inspirationallyspeaking.com
YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/Inspirationallyspeaking Facebook Fan page: www.facebook.com/jenniferfoxworthy.inspirationallyspeaking
Twitter: @JCF_Speaks Clubhouse: @JCF_Speaks Instagram: @InspirationallySpeakingLLC LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifercfoxworthy/
One of the hardest parts of healing is the fear of the unknown.
A huge reason why a lot of us don’t want to step into our healing journey because it’s like, “well, I don’t know what’s on the other side of it. What’s going to come up when I begin to process these things, what am I going to go through? What is my life going to look like?”
Because of that fear, we have gotten stuck in the comfortable uncomfortable. What on earth does that mean?
Basically, while you may not like the way your life is right now, you would rather sit in the discomfort because you know what’s going to happen day after day after day. You know how things are going to feel and what’s going to happen.
Even though it’s uncomfortable, you’d rather stay there than branch out and try something new.
With this fear being recognized, how do we manage it? How do we begin to push past it?
The following information I learned from Brendon Burchard. Breaking it down this way really helped my own healing in ways I never even thought possible.
www.karleighlynne.com/worthyjournal
www.karleighlynne.com/
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
What benefit does trauma informed care and communication bring to your organization?
First, what is trauma informed care? In a nutshell, trauma informed care is looking at life through the lens of knowing that humans have probably gone through something. It’s recognizing that the person standing in front of you, more likely than not, has experienced some intense trauma in their life and their brain has been impacted by it.
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www.karleighlynne.com/youtube
See YouTube video for source links
Your words, and ultimately your beliefs, determine your success. I received a DM from a woman that I’ve known for a few years on Facebook. We were having a conversation back and forth about singleness and how she feels like she’s never going to find her person.
She’s scared of being alone. She’s never going to be okay on her own. She’s just a codependent person.
My response?
“I’m going to share some tough love with you. If that’s what you believe, then that’s going to be your truth. You can heal from that. You can choose to recover from that and begin to move forward. You don’t have to be the codependent person.
But if you tell yourself that you’re never going to be okay alone and you’re always going to be lonely, that’s going to be your truth.”
It made me realize that I needed that wake up call, too.
www.karleighlynne.com/shop
www.karleighlynne.com/confidence
www.karleighlynne.com/131
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleybai...
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ashbaillargeon
Law Firm: https://www.baillargeonlawfirm.com/
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If you’re anything like me, rest is a word that you’re not particularly fond of. While sleep definitely sounds nice, there’s so much to do that you feel guilty for even considering it. You’re worried that if you stopped to rest, you won’t come back to it.
Or even worse, you’ll lose all of the progress that you’ve made.
You feel like you have so far to go that you just don’t have time to rest. Boo – I feel you.
As someone who hates the idea of resting, I can’t even watch a movie without doing something else.
But I also realize that whether I like it or not, rest is essential to my recovery journey.
Like it or not, rest is essential to YOUR recovery journey.
Are you truly making progress? Or are you just busy? I have absolutely always hated hearing this. I am someone who is chronically busy and I thrive in chaos, whether it’s referring to motherhood, business, working out. I hated hearing it.
I assumed that as long as I was moving, I was making progress. But once I took a step back, I actually recognized what it meant.
www.karleighlynne.com/worthyjournal
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
www.karleighlynne.com/129
I’m in a narcissistic abuse recovery group and someone in this group said the following statement.
“He’s not outright mean. But every interaction with him is unpleasant.” What a lot of people don’t understand is that some abuse is “big” acts of violence, and other abuse is “small” acts of pettiness. It’s all valid, but if we don’t take the time to recognize what’s happening, we’re going to get sucked in.
This is how a lot of people get away with it because it’s more covert. And it’s little things and what a lot. And just because it’s not intense and big does not mean that it’s not abuse.
The thing about manipulation is that it’s a lot of small things that lead to the big things. www.karleighlynne.com/shop
www.karleighlynne.com/128
We have got to stop prioritizing the abusers life over the victim. I see this happen so often. This is something that I’ve experienced personally. It’s something that my friends have gone through.
I see it all the time on TikTok and Twitter.
A friend of mine reached out to me and told me about her experience with this.
For whatever reason, we find it completely appropriate to look at a survivor, who is sharing the most vulnerable part of their life, and say “you don’t want to ruin his reputation.”
This is why survivors do not come forward. Because guess what? As survivors, we have been so beaten down physically and/or emotionally to the point where we feel extremely guilty for even mentioning the fact that someone hurt us.
Then when we finally do speak up, you have the audacity to say, “Don’t ruin their reputation.”
A survivor of abuse cannot ruin what the abuser already ruined. www.karleighlynne.com/permissionslip
www.karleighlynne.com/worthyjournal
www.instagram.com/karleigh.lynne
“You’re right. I’m the absolute worst. I don’t even understand why you’re with me.” Have you heard this, or some version of it, before? If yes, you’re not alone.
This is what I refer to as “Chronic Victimhood” and it’s one of the most powerful, invasive forms of gaslighting.
If you’ve experienced an abusive relationship, I’m about 99% positive you’ve heard this before.
Why do I bring this up? Because this is so invasive and manipulative that it eats at your very soul. We often don’t think of it as gaslighting because it pierces our hearts.
This teaches us that we need to walk on eggshells around other people and that we’re absolutely horrible people who’s feelings inconvenience other people.
We have internalized this and made this our way of living our way of existing because we want to make sure we don’t make anyone else uncomfortable. Their discomfort means we’re uncomfortable and we just can’t have that. You know what, boo, I can tell you right now, you deserve so much better.
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Source: https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse#accusing-blaming-and-denial
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It’s time to forgive yourself. As survivors, a lot of the guilt and shame that we carry centers around the fact that we ourselves had a lot of toxic behavior.
Some of us, myself included, mirrored some of the narcissistic traits that we experienced.
This guilt weighs so heavy on us because we know what we went through and we don’t want to do that to people. Since the people who hurt us don’t feel guilt, we feel we need to carry the weight for both.
Here’s a question: if you witnessed a child being abused, and that child lashed out at school, would you blame the child? Would you scream and yell about how horrible they are?
Or would you look at them with compassion and understanding? Would you turn your attention to the person abusing the child and recognize that it’s not the child’s fault?
It’s time we took that and applied that same concept to ourselves.
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When we think of abuse, we usually think of anger. We feel like if we can just keep the abuser happy, if we can keep them from getting angry, then we’ll be ok. Nothing will happen, right?
But then we find out what we knew all along – we were just so wrong.
It doesn’t matter whether or not they’re happy. So why do they seem to explode out of nowhere? Why are they able to say and do the most terrible things without so much as an inner twinge of guilt?
Because abuse isn’t about anger – it’s about power and control. CONNECT WITH ME!
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Statistics say that 1 in 4 women are survivors of abuse. However, it is well known that that it is massively under-reported. I believe it’s closer to 1 in 2, if not even more than that.
But even based on the 1 in 4 number, you have most definitely crossed paths with someone who has been abused. The problem is that a lot of survivors don’t even know that what happened to them is actually abuse. Plus survivors carry so much hurt, shame, and guilt that they don’t want to openly talk about it.
So with all of that, how do you know if someone you’ve crossed paths with is a survivor?
It’s more than just keeping an eye out for bruises (although that’s a good practice to be in, too). CONNECT WITH ME
karleighlynne.com/worthyjournal instagram.com/karleigh.lynne Signs of Self Neglect (Source: https://www.dshs.wa.gov/altsa/home-and-community-services/types-and-signs-abuse#self_neglect
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It’s time to forgive yourself. You may not even realize it but you’ve been holding onto a lot of guilt from the abuse and trauma that you’ve gone through.
You feel like you should’ve left sooner, that if it was that bad you would’ve dumped him instead of the other way around. Then there’s the guilt for the way you treated friends and family.
You’re kicking yourself because of the toxic behavior that leached through your personality from your trauma.
I understand how heavy this can feel. In fact, we almost don’t even want to let go of it.
We feel as if we are undeserving of a guilt free life, we’re undeserving of forgiveness. It’s our lot in life to carry this with us as penance for what happened – what was done to us.
If you relate to this, boo you are so not alone. I’ve been there.
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A question I get a lot is:
I got out of the relationship – when do I start dating again? Is it ok to start dating? What do I even do?!
Aside from setting and keeping boundaries (check out this series I did on YouTube), is getting very clear on three things.
Your wants. Your needs. Your dealbreakers.
As survivors, our brain has been altered to the point of not being able to clearly see or even call out red flags that come up. This also leads to the point that we have been taught that these three things make others uncomfortable. And it they make others uncomfortable, then it usually ends in a bad situation for us.
Heck, we may even believe that we’re not allowed to have these things.
Here’s a truth bomb for you.
You’re allowed to have wants, needs and dealbreakers. CONNECT WITH ME
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In fact, you are worthyof healing. Take a second to say that out loud:
I deserve healing. I am worthy of healing.
Actually, don’t just say it out loud. Write them down and put it in a place where you can read them every day.
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In doing some research, I came across this concept on Pinterest. People are actually searching the term “confident woman aesthetic.
I understand that the whole idea of confidence can be ridiculously overwhelming. It feels elusive, something that everyone else but you can have. You have to wear the right clothes, the right make up, have your hair done the right way in order to truly experience that confidence.
Let me be honest with you: it’s all noise and 100% unnecessary. If you are looking for the confident woman aesthetic, the thing that’s going to push you to the next level, it’s time to look in the mirror.
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I have found a common pattern in a lot of my thoughts lately.
And that’s this concept of neutrality within our thoughts, feelings and emotions.
This concept of neutral thoughts and feelings has been on my mind a lot and it made me realize that I’ve been beating myself up for thinking or feeling certain things.
Even though I coach women on this exact topic and I teach it regularly, I still struggle with it.
Up until this point, I hadn’t fully internalized or processed the concept.
We get to this place where we give everyone else the human pass. “Oh, they’re human, it’s okay, no big deal.” But we’re not allowed to have that. We’re superhuman, we are above the standard of everybody else. The standard that other people have? That’s, that’s reachable for them, that’s fine. But no, we have to be way up above everyone else. It’s not even humanly possible to achieve it but I’m going to be the one to show that it’s possible.
This has got to stop.
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A very important skill in confidence building is being able to recognize and face your fears. A lot of the times our fear doesn’t actually present itself as “Oh my gosh, I’m so scared.”
When I say fear, I am talking about “perfectionism”.
If you call yourself a perfectionist, you’re not really a perfectionist. You’re just scared.
You’re scared of putting stuff out there, you’re scared of failing. Nothing is ever going to be perfect until you actually put it out into the world. Then it gets criticized and then you clean it up and you make it better. So if you’re not doing that, you’re not a true perfectionist.
Fear can show up as perfectionism. It can also show up as isolating yourself, hiding away from the world.
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Your friend calls you at one in the morning and she’s in tears.
“I did it – I finally left, but I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do.”
This call can be one of the most exhilarating because you’re proud of her for getting out. But it’s also nerve wracking because you don’t really understand how to be there for her.
You don’t understand why she’s thinking the way she is or why she’s talking herself in circles. You desperately want to help but you feel SO lost.
As someone who has been in abusive relationships and helps women who got out, I have a perspective on recovery that I felt it was high time to share.
Here are my top 3 things that you can do to help your friend who just got out of an abusive relationship.
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Have you ever been accused of something, completely out of the blue, with no evidence that it actually happened? And even when you address this they continue pushing anyway?
Chances are you were the victim of projection.
This word is used a lot within the personal development circle, but isn’t talked about enough when it comes to abuse recovery.
Understanding what projection is, why it’s used and how to fight back is incredibly important.
Ready to get into it?
Let’s go!
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You deserve so much more than you think you do. I remember being 17 years old in my first abusive relationship.
I would get comments all the time about how attractive my boyfriend was. All the popular girls in school were asking me how I could get someone so hot.
I was completely oblivious to the fact that this was incredibly insulting. The issue was that i believed that because he was so attractive that the abuse was the price I had to pay.
As sad as that may sound, I’m not the only one who feels that way. If I’ve learned nothing else, after being in the abuse recovery industry for the last few years, is that all of those feelings that I felt, other women felt the same.
Looking back, if I felt that worthless, there is someone who feels that worthless right now. And chances are that person is under the belief that it is better to be abused with someone than to be alone. You think that that’s the best you can possibly get.
But I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. LINKS
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I read the following statement in a narcissistic abuse recovery group I’m in and it was the most accurate thing I’ve read:
“He’s not outright mean, but every interaction with him is unpleasant.” What a lot of people don’t realize is that it doesn’t need to be super intense for it to count as abuse. It’s a lot more petty than you think.
The thing about manipulation is that it’s a lot of small things that add up to big things.
Manipulation can be incredibly petty. What do I mean by that?
It could be something as small as eating your favorite snack that you bought for yourself. While on the outside it seems like it’s no big deal, it’s meant to. The things they do are done to make sure that you’re not comfortable. This could also be a form of reactive abuse. They do these little things hoping they can get you to freak out so it makes you look like you’re crazy.
LINKS
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Join me as I celebrate both episode 100 AND the podcast's first birthday!
What does your future look like? To celebrate episode 100 of the podcast, I decided to do a guided mediation.
In this episode, I walk you through an exercise that allows you to see your future and where you want to be.
Nothing woo woo, just allowing yourself to dream without limits.
Ready to step into your future? Give it a listen! LINKS
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I recently went out on a date and it definitely didn’t go as well as I had thought it would.
I’m going to be getting very real and raw and definitely want to give you a trigger warning.
Nothing overtly awful happened, but I will be discussing what it feels like to be triggered and how I responded to it. I’ll also be sharing a bit about the aggressive nature of this date.
So if you feel like that may trigger you, please do not listen to today’s episode.
But if you’re ready to know my experience as someone on my abuse recovery journey being dating, let’s go.
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How do I set solid boundaries?
This question comes up everywhere, be it on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube.
I’m noticing that the issue of boundaries is becoming more and more prevalent.
So what I’m going to be sharing today is a clip from a masterclass that I created a while ago called Build your Boundaries. The class in its entirety breaks down the skills needed in order to set communicate and keep boundaries. Well, right now it’s only available as a bonus for my babes and worthy I wanted to share this clip with you. It breaks down the two parts of setting boundaries and how to apply them.
There are two parts to boundaries. In today's podcast episode, we're going to talk about those parts.
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I got a question the other day asking about dating while in abuse recovery. Is it possible to have a healthy relationship while in recovery.
When I reached out and asked what people thought, the answer was 50/50 as far as yes or no.
I did an IG live on it but I realized how important it is that this be on the podcast.
So today we’re talking about dating and abuse recovery. If you’re not currently wanting to date, don’t turn off this episode. Are you already in a relationship? Don’t turn this off. There’s lots of things on here that will help you in the future but will also help your current relationship.
In short the answer to “can you have a healthy relationship while in recovery” is a tentative yes.
The reason it’s tentative is because it truly depends on you and where you’re at in your recovery journey.
LINKS
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