Getting Old Quickly: Recent Episodes
Billy Donnelly
A non-clinical but deeply personal podcast from Billy Donnelly that explores his mental health struggles with anxiety, depression and just everyday life. His candid and honest look at the good, the bad and the ugly of himself and what he’s dealing with aims to open the door for others to also talk about and process their own feelings, emotions and experiences and ultimately feel less alone.
In Episode 180, Billy Donnelly decides that this is the end of the Getting Old Quickly podcast. After 3 ½ years of doing this show, he shares his reasoning for bringing things to a close and explains how and when he knew he was making the right decision. He offers his thanks to so many who helped make this podcast last as long as he did and talks about what an important role this personal outlet has played in his life.
In Episode 179, Billy Donnelly wants to talk about the male loneliness epidemic he's heard getting more attention lately. As a subject that's been discussed on Getting Old Quickly before, he aims to address some of the contributing factors that cause such difficulty in making and maintaining adult friendships -- but also why it can be a bit harder for men, in general. He also talks about some of the mockery of the problem he's heard, sharing why it's not helpful and just further keeps the vicious cycle of male loneliness rolling forward. Additionally, he shares his belief that the more we talk about such a problem and continue to acknowledge it's happening, the easier it becomes for people to find others looking for similar connection.
In Episode 178, Billy Donnelly shares that he's been plagued by negative thoughts as of late -- regardless of how much he works to fight against them on the regular. He speaks with reminders that these things are never fully gone and, even though we know how to combat them, sometimes it's easier said than done. However, he wants others to know just what a pain in the ass they can be from time to time and that we all struggle with it when it does re-occur.
In Episode 177, Billy Donnelly reveals that he has joined a bocce league. And, in doing so, he once again reiterates the need for us to find a way to get to yes and do the things that interest us. Much like he found with painting earlier in the year, he was able to talk himself into doing something that looked fun, instead of finding an excuse not to -- and may have found another hobby to keep him busy and get him out of the house.
In Episode 176, Billy Donnelly reminds you (and himself) that we are not flawless individuals. We screw up, and we make mistakes. However, all we can do is take things one day at a time and continue trying to learn and be better from those failings. All we can do is just keep swimming.
In Episode 175, Billy Donnelly shares the details of his recent vacation to the Mediterranean, talking about what he liked and didn't like during his cruise voyage through parts of Greece, Italy, and Malta. He also provides an update on his health and how his anxieties held up during the trip. Additionally, he speaks a few words about the tragic loss of wrestler Windham Rotunda/Bray Wyatt.
In Episode 174, Billy Donnelly pops in with an explanation as to why there's not much of a show this week. As a result of whatever germs he picked up while on his Mediterranean cruise, he spells out why pushing through with details of his trip while struggling with his voice and having difficulty hearing isn't the best idea.
In Episode 173, Billy Donnelly is not here. Instead, he's traveling through parts of Europe on a cruise. But he still manages to share some of his excitement but also natural anxieties about the vacation while gone.
In Episode 172, Billy Donnelly offers up a reminder that we never eliminate our issues. While it's a wonderful idea to believe we slay our dragons, he shares his disbelief that such is ever truly the case -- because it's a constant battle to keep them at bay. As a result, he counters that it's more about continuing to create more and more distance from our struggles in order to make them less powerful when they inevitably resurface.
In Episode 171, Billy Donnelly has rediscovered his passion for going to the movies. And while that might not usually seem like a big deal, it signals that he's been able to move forward and let go of the hurt he still felt from his experience working at the Alamo Drafthouse (as shared in Episode 17: Forget The Alamo). He shares his pride in being able to make progress with those emotions while once again finding joy in something he loved dearly, especially after convincing himself he didn't need it in his life.
In Episode 170, Billy Donnelly introduces you to Lennnie. Who is Lennnie you might ask, if you don't already know? Lennnie is an animated blob that does its best to inject positivity and hope into your world as you navigate everything life throws at you. This week, he shares how he came across Lennnie as one of the good things social media has put forth recently and talks about how Lennnie's perspective often hits at the right moment when he needs it most.
In Episode 169, Billy Donnelly talks about how most people now view and use social media. After coming across this article by Kate Lindsay, something struck a chord, prompting this discussion about the various social media platforms now being employed for performance rather than connection.
In Episode 168, Billy Donnelly feels incredibly well prepared as his therapist goes on maternity leave. He discusses feeling no anxiety about her absence and actually feels really confident that he'll be able to handle anything that comes his way in the coming months with the tools that have been put in place over the years. He also shares a story about presenting his therapist with a gift for her family to celebrate the new baby and how personally it felt for him to be able to do that.
In Episode 167, Billy Donnelly discusses some recent bouts he had with an overwhelming amount of anxiety. He talks about what they felt like, in addition to what he believes triggered them. And he also shares that no matter how much work we put into moving forward from certain events in our lives, they still have the capacity to show up and affect us at the most random times.
In Episode 166, Billy Donnelly admits to feeling pretty good as of late. In addition to some new medication, which is likely contributing, he also talks about some of the tools he's been wielding in order to push back on his negative thoughts (as discussed in Episode 147: Challenge Them Negative Thoughts). He explains how learning the source and function of such thoughts has made it easier for him to recognize them for what they are when they surface and treat them with a grain of salt accordingly. In addition, he also shares a few positive moments that happened to him recently that he's found he is now better able to be present with, creating opportunities to turn them into positive memories that can then be used to challenge negative thoughts that might have told him otherwise. Furthermore, he celebrates his progress and champions the work he's been putting in rather than undercutting or downplaying it, as he might have in the past.
In Episode 165, Billy Donnelly mourns the loss of a member of the Drewpies family named Wendy. He shares his regret of never having had the pleasure to meet her and wishes she could have been able to attend one of the group's gatherings after having all been there during COVID for one another. He recalls some of her specific memorable quirks from the group and reflects on how her love and support -- especially for her local music scene -- touched so many lives. He also expresses a lot of anger at how she died and how it was likely preventable. However, the American healthcare system failed her.
If inclined, please make a donation to the Greater Des Moines Music Coalition in her name and honor.
In Episode 164, Billy Donnelly finds himself in a holding pattern. After beginning a new program intended to boost his self-esteem, he intended to come to the show with some of the new things he had learned as he got started. However, he could not get as deep into it as he would have liked to bring a decent understanding of it to this week's show. Therefore, everything is status quo as he introduces exactly what he's doing and how it was brought to his attention but with a wait-and-see approach for things to come.
In Episode 163, Billy Donnelly comes to terms with the fact that the idea of constantly being happy is impossible, and yet it is still an unattainable pursuit that human beings embark on constantly. He discusses the chemical reactions in our brains that result from moments of happiness and how they then become like a drug that we want more of. However, that sets us up with a hunger that can't be satisfied, no matter what thing we get that we're told will make us feel happy. He shares that he used to feel as if there was something wrong with him for not being able to be happy all the time, especially as others presented themselves as happy non-stop. But he has learned over time that people show you only what they want to see, and while he may have been feeling bad about himself assuming they were living awesome lives, that wasn't the case; they were just hiding their unhappiness better.
In Episode 162, Billy Donnelly shares his experience with taking his daughter to her first-ever concert: Paramore. He talks about the ability to tap into a small corner of his daughter's life as she becomes her own person by sharing such a memory with her and what it was like to take in a show once again -- but through the eyes of someone whose never done it before.
In Episode 161, Billy Donnelly reveals that his high school recently held its 25-year reunion for his graduating class. In the process, he explains all the reasons why he didn't go to this one nor to any of the previous reunions held for the Class of 1998. He once again revisits his dislike for his high school experience, and even though he holds some fantastical ideas about what possibly attending would accomplish or prove, he realizes just how much more harm circling back to those memories could create.
In Episode 160, Billy Donnelly talks about his miserable work situation and how feeling useless in his current role has been having an overall negative impact on his mental health over the last several weeks. He discusses our innate need to feel productive and contribute meaningfully to society, and how when it feels like that has been taken away from us, we grow frustrated -- and depression can set in. He talks about our desires to be seen and how, in a work environment, that means allowing you the space to maximize your potential and display your talents, skills, and abilities. We don't want to feel like our time is being wasted, and when it is, it's hard to shake loose from.
In Episode 159, Billy Donnelly talks about the escalating levels of travel anxiety he's found he experiences now -- particularly after his most recent trip to Detroit and Chicago. While he felt a certain degree of nervousness in traveling before, since the diagnosis of his GI condition, he's found that being in situations where he lacks control over his surroundings and environment can take a toll on how he physically feels -- which then plays a role in his level of concern over inexplicably finding himself with a bathroom emergency. He describes several scenarios from his trip to explain further how his mind and gut wind up in a vicious cycle of worry that does him no favors. And he talks about the burden he carries in certain situations when he can just tell his health and its inconveniences are becoming an annoyance for others and the feelings he then has to deal with as a result.
In Episode 158, Billy Donnelly discusses his recent travels to Michigan and Chicago, this time for yet another Drewpies reunion with his internet friends from the pandemic. And while the last time didn't go so well for him, he talks about the enjoyment he was able to take from this trip. In addition, he recaps how this whole unique situation even came together and shares just how much this "band of misfits" means to him as they were a key part of his life at a very difficult time. And as a result, making it through such a tough stretch has bonded him to all of them from here on out.
In Episode 157, Billy Donnelly shares his latest hobby: painting (or spray paint art, to be more specific). He discusses where he first was exposed to it and how long he's been waiting to give it a try. And, after buying the supplies and putting himself on the hook to not back out, he dove headfirst into giving it a shot -- finding that it's both relaxing and incredibly enjoyable. The larger point he makes from this experience though is that we need to find ways to get to "yes" for ourselves, as opposed to throwing up all the excuses and reasons for why we can't do something, afraid to not be good at it right away. He reiterates the fact that he's been doing so much better at throwing caution to the wind and just doing the things that excite him, worrying less about negative outcomes and more about taking the risk to find things that excite him.
You can see the first batch (and continuing pieces) of Billy's work on Instagram, if you're curious.
In Episode 156, Billy Donnelly celebrates the three-year anniversary of Getting Old Quickly by having no idea what to say that he hasn't already said about the show's beginnings and progress. He actually goes back and looks at last year's anniversary show to find out that he mostly said all the things he'd want to say then -- which might be why he was struggling with putting together this week's episode. Therefore, he expresses his thanks and gratitude during his bewilderment that he's been doing the podcast for as long as he has. He also fills everyone in on the show's future and touches upon the few things he can take away from the last year.
In Episode 155, Billy Donnelly had to confront the fact that sometimes you are the source of someone else's triggers. For all the talk about handling one's own triggers on the podcast, he's never had to encounter the idea that you might be responsible for the negative feelings of others born from past events. This week, he dives into that situation, discussing the feelings in him that then in turn had to work through. However, he also shared that the work he's done on his own approach to triggers in his life led to a better sense of understanding and empathy of what another was going through -- something he's not sure would have gone so smoothly in years past.
In Episode 154, Billy Donnelly experiences a rare occurrence of FOMO. Having experienced WrestleMania weekend several times in years past, he started to feel a little bummed this year seeing all the people in Los Angeles for this year's annual event -- and wanted to talk about how he's coping with those feelings on this week's show.
In Episode 153, Billy Donnelly discusses imposter syndrome, primarily because he finally found his own. After years of believing that he sometimes almost belonged too much, a couple of recent instances -- centered around going to concerts -- had him feeling like maybe he didn't belong in those situations. It prompted some reflection about past cases in which he limited himself and what he did because he didn't think he'd be welcomed into particular communities. Likely buoyed by other gatekeeper experiences, his anxiety about being seen as a fraud or a poser was enough to keep him away, protecting him from hurt and discomfort. However, faced with decisions about New Found Glory and Taylor Swift, he finally found it within himself to push back on the idea that he didn't belong.
In Episode 152, Billy Donnelly tells the story of an internet influencer who negatively affected his mood recently. He shares all his feelings about a vague individual who claimed to spend "5 figures" on tickets to see Taylor Swift on the opening night of her new Eras Tour. And while he is quick to explain that people can do whatever they want with their money, it was the tone-deaf approach to humble bragging about certain behaviors as of late that he found led to him feeling a little jealous and a lot angry. However, what he chose to do with those emotions led to a few proud moments of his growth. In addition, he lays out why he felt the need to tell such a tale, as even knowing how bad the internet can make you feel from time to time, especially with the fakeness of social media and influencer culture, he still found himself sucked into it on a specific thing.
In Episode 151, Billy Donnelly discusses parenting and how it's no picnic. He talks about the difficulty and mess of parenthood that not many people want to discuss because they think it's some poor reflection of them. However, he stresses the need to talk about the mess, because nobody's perfect at raising children, and it can often be a frustrating experience. He also taps into the idea that sometimes your kids aren't great, and it's normal to think so instead of working overtime to convince yourself otherwise that they're somehow perfect angels. He shares a couple of experiences he had recently with his children that pushed him to those negative thoughts of failing as a parent. However, he pushes back on them hard and sees it for what it is, knowing he's doing the best he can with no instructions or manual available on how to do this "the right way."
In Episode 150, Billy Donnelly shares his gratitude for hitting such a milestone episode, given that he never thought this podcast would reach this point when it first started. But then he moves on to embracing the idea that no one has any clue what they're doing. He discusses the front that people put up to display that everything is good on their end, but -- thanks to a therapy lesson -- he's come to terms with the fact that that's not the case, and everyone's lives are messy. He relays that he thought something might be wrong with him at various points because he was struggling and his life wasn't where it "should" be. But he's taken comfort in the knowledge that we're all just winging it and hoping things work out okay because there's no real right way to do any of it. He also talks about his experience growing up and seeing adults who looked like they had a pretty decent grasp on things -- something he now knows just wasn't the case.
In Episode 149, Billy Donnelly re-enters a mental space from the past that he does not like being in: seeking acceptance and outside validation. He once again shares the story of his time as a writer and his desperate desire to be part of "The Cool Kids Club" of people whose stamp of approval would solidify him as someone of note in the community. That brings things to today when he found himself doing something similar with a new piece he had written recently and chasing something similar -- being acknowledged by those with influence within a different community. As a result, he examines why he so badly has wanted this form of acceptance, how it has made him feel over the years seemingly never getting it, and the growth he's made over time in at least being to acknowledge it for what it is and knowing how badly it affects his mental health.
In Episode 148, Billy Donnelly is once exploring the idea of making adult friendships. Once upon a time (back in Episode 3: I Get By With Very Little Help From My Friends, to be exact), he tackled the loneliness of having far fewer friends the older he gets than he ever did when he was younger and spoke about the difficulty of making new friends as an adult. This time, he looks at some of the reasons why making friends at this stage is so troublesome, simply asking how others go about doing so themselves. He talks about friend dating apps and other options that have been put forth to try making the process easier, but he accidentally stumbles upon a strategy built on communication and honesty that just might work.
In Episode 147, Billy Donnelly discusses his unhelpful habit of traveling down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts. He talks about his acceptance of a reality where nothing goes right and everything is bound to go awry, leading to disappointment, heartbreak, and hurt. While not one to wholeheartedly catastrophize situations, it is very difficult for him to find any degree of hope or optimism as he plays out scenarios in his head, both large and small. However, with his therapist's guidance, he is putting in the work to challenge his negative thoughts and push back against falling down the rabbit hole, describing what some of that process has been like for him. He talks about creating new habits to replace the old ones that help break the cycle of resorting to negative thoughts each time, and how it has helped him in dealing with some of his fears, concerns, and anxieties.
In Episode 146, Billy Donnelly recovers enough of his voice to talk about his recent trip to Texas to attend the WWE Royal Rumble. He elaborates on his visits to both Austin and San Antonio, but also touches upon the meaning that the Royal Rumble event has for him, in relation to his birthday and his childhood. In addition, a chance encounter with a pinball machine ties in nicely with some of the more positive associations he was able to joyously experience over this particular weekend. However, he does have one point of contention that comes up at the end, as it pertains to not having the ability to coordinate opportunities to cross paths with others he would have liked to see.
In Episode 145, Billy Donnelly has no voice. Hoarse from a weekend trip to the Royal Rumble and struggling to be heard, he decides to honor his body's limits and not do much of a show, only showing up to apprise listeners of the situation before getting back to resting up his vocal cords to be back to 100% soon enough.
In Episode 144, Billy Donnelly celebrates turning 43 -- sorta. He discusses this year's birthday and the fact that it felt like just another day. He talks about not wanting to do anything special for it, which he finds amusing given how he talked about having birthdays that didn't feel like they were treated as big deals in the past (Episode 39 - Turning 41). But he fills us in on how he rang in his birthday nonetheless, including the one detail that did at least feel a little weird for not happening, while explaining that it just seemed to hit at the wrong time this year. In addition, he provides an update on the black nail polish situation, which was introduced last episode.
In Episode 143, Billy Donnelly discusses the idea of painting his nails black, but, in doing so, opens up a whole can of worms. He discusses confidence and self-esteem as it pertains to the issue and how he's long cut himself off from trying new things out of concern for what other people might think. He also talks about the nail polish as a form of expression in finding one's self and how you might want to present yourself to the world; in turn, experimenting with different things to find what you like, what you connect with, and what resonates with you. He brings up the constraints that far too many have on what adulthood should be and when you should have everything figured out, but he's growing more and more comfortable with the fact that he's still learning and growing, and changing. But an important lesson he's taking away from all of this is that just trying something doesn't have to then make it permanent nor does it have to work; just getting to yes and seeing how it goes is enough.
In Episode 142, Billy Donnelly looks at self-esteem, particularly low self-esteem, as a belief system upon which one's identity has been built. He compares it to other systems of belief, such as politics or religion, where people have bought in so completely -- almost like a cult. As a result of fully embracing what you believe is the truth, any attempts to challenge, question, or topple such systems are met with resistance. Anything that goes against what you have come to know is treated as wrong, even if it is coming from yourself; it feels like a lie and one you are trying to tell yourself for whatever reason. For him, outside validation has often served as a tool for combatting negative thoughts, ideas, and beliefs of self -- not being desirable, not being worthy, not being good enough, etc. -- as it cemented the idea that someone else believed it, too. However, the goal is to change these negative belief systems by being able to validate yourself, as one cannot rely on others to boost you up forever. Therefore, he talks about the need to identify and recognize when those negative belief systems are kicking into action, in the hopes of presenting more positive assessments that can be used to replace them over time.
In Episode 141, Billy Donnelly rings in the new year by trying something new -- venturing into the realm of gratitude. He explains his skepticism of what has felt like a gratitude trend over the last several years and his unwillingness to engage in toxic positivity. However, after having the purpose of expressing gratitude (lists, journals, etc.) reframed for him as a way to rewire oneself to focus more on the positive than the negative, he's willing to give it at least a shot and see if it helps at all. He concludes by naming several things that he is indeed grateful for and winds up feeling pretty good about the exercise.
In Episode 140, Billy Donnelly offers up Happy Holidays wishes for you and hopes that you can set boundaries if you need them for things/people that are overwhelming you, stressing you out, causing you unnecessary anxiety, or just being overall toxic toward you.
In Episode 139, Billy Donnelly stares down the barrel of possibly not going to therapy anymore and finds it a terrifying prospect. After a comment by his therapist, he really examines the scary idea of not having the support system he's built for himself on a weekly basis or not being able to access it again if he leaves it behind. He also ponders when the time might be for him to lose the safety net of therapy and trust in himself to handle things better in life based on the things he's taken away from and learned through therapy over the years.
In Episode 138, a recent tiff about AI art has Billy Donnelly once again reiterating why your feelings are important. As a result, he discusses the need to advocate for yourself and speak up about your feelings when they are negatively impacted or affected deeply. He talks about how most people don't purposely mean to hurt our feelings, but, when they do, rather than assuming any meaning behind it or that things will magically change on their own, we need to inform people of how we felt about it, so they know and can take that into account in the future. You will not be making things worse; if anything, in the long run, you'll be making things better for yourself.
In Episode 137, Billy Donnelly talks about the experience he had getting his first tattoo over the Thanksgiving weekend. He discusses how nervous and excited he was heading in (for more background on his reasoning for getting inked, listen to Episode 136: The Taste of Ink). However, he also goes through his feelings throughout the process, the point of calm and relief he found along the way, and the emotional moment when he knew he had picked the right tattoo shop and artist for how safe they made him feel. In addition, he has something very specific he wants to say about how people seem to be using "mental illness" as a catch-all to excuse or explain away people's bad behavior (i.e. mass shooters, Kanye West, etc.).
Much love to Heavenly Inkz Tattoo Inc. in Orlando, FL, for an amazingly positive experience.
Check out my tattoo artist Jen and her incredible artistry on Instagram.
In Episode 136, Billy Donnelly talks about his mindset heading into his first tattoo -- which took place over the Thanksgiving weekend. He discusses the worry and anxiety (and lack of funds) that for so long stopped him from following through on getting inked, and how that also translates to larger parts of his life where it's been easy to find a reason not to do something than just going ahead and making it happen. He also talks about how this is a bit of a test to prove to himself that he can do the things he wants and not automatically assume it'll turn out in failure, loss, or catastrophe.
In Episode 135, Billy Donnelly is just having a day: just one where you sleep in late, are entirely unmotivated to do anything, wind up accomplishing nothing and watch the day pretty much pass you by. However, he discusses why it's okay to be in those days when you find yourself lacking energy or effort, and how it took him a while to get to that place. He talks about the pressures that society can put on you to have to do more and be more, constantly striving to get further toward "goals" and the negative stigma ("lazy") that accompanies other people's judgments of not constantly pressing forward. However, he talks about the importance of giving yourself a rest or a pause, per se, allowing you to pick things back up that aren't really a major priority later down the road refreshed and ready as opposed to forcing the issue when you're not in the space for it. He also discusses the death of Jason David Frank and the importance of asking for help when you're not in a good place mentally.
In Episode 134, Billy Donnelly tries to come to terms with the fact that he may have some people-pleasing tendencies, and he's not happy about it. He discusses how easy it is to feel bad if someone has hurt feelings or is upset after an interaction with him, even though he knows their reaction and response are more about them than him. As a result, he dives into the importance to him that others aren't mad at him and his wanting to control those situations by squashing any negative feelings quickly and making things better -- hence, the people-pleasing behaviors. He also touches upon how such fear is entangled with his other issues of wanting to be liked and seeking outside validation, as they all to a certain degree deal with acceptance.
In Episode 133, Billy Donnelly heads to the dispensary for the first time ever. After some recent flare-ups of his GI condition, he figured he'd explore cannabis as a potential treatment to alleviate some of his worse days. So, on his recent trip to D.C., visiting a dispensary made the list of things that had to be done. As a result, he discusses what that experience was like -- not knowing anything about the process, in the midst of a bunch of weird rules for how it can be "sold" in the area -- in addition to his background with marijuana not really being his scene. He also offers a quick assessment of how he's seen it affect him in the short time he's been partaking and speaks about the movement he has made over the years on its usage, both medicinally and recreationally.
In Episode 132, Billy Donnelly talks about a recent road trip to Washington D.C. and a new set of worries and concerns in taking such a long car ride after the incident of Episode 130 - The Emergency Poncho. However, after getting there without a problem, one would later arise during a drive to a dispensary, which was being made in an effort to possibly find something to help alleviate some of the GI issues that have been flaring up as of late. Billy lays out the details of the situation -- which occurred while in the car with his wife -- and just the low feelings of shame and embarrassment he suffered as a result. However, on a positive note, he talks about how much it meant for him to have such an understanding and supportive partner there to lift him up in his time of need and help him feel less alone when he already was feeling bad enough.
In Episode 131, Billy Donnelly is all about learning and growing. First, he dives into why he'd share such an embarrassing story as he did in Episode 130 - The Emergency Poncho. He talks about his belief that sharing our experiences -- even those which have affected us negatively -- can help others feel less alone as they deal with similar situations or circumstances. In addition, he talks about the level of comfort it can give oneself knowing that your issue is not unique and that others have gone through it, too. He discusses how normalizing certain things and removing the stigmas attached to them are huge helps in reducing shame, embarrassment, and the idea that there's something wrong with you. Furthermore, he explores people's resistance to learning and growing. He understands that it's not an easy or convenient process. However, he stresses that, if anyone is worth the difficulty that comes with it, it'd be you. He talks about not freezing yourself in time but trying to be more empathetic and understanding of others but also yourself, and that sometimes in order to get to the other side, you've have to go throw the not-fun stuff first.
In Episode 130, Billy Donnelly once again talks about some of the problems that accompany his chronic gastrointestinal condition and how that can create certain limitations for him and feelings periodically that he has lost control over his own body. In these situations, he is meant to slow down and create certain boundaries for himself, knowing that pressing on only makes things worse. However, recently, he stubbornly insisted on moving ahead and wrestling control back for himself, ignoring all the warning signs that presented themselves. That put him in a situation to potentially realize his worst fears associated with his ulcerative colitis -- pooping his pants -- if not for an emergency poncho coming in at the right time and saving the day. He also discusses the bravery of others these days talking about their pants pooping on social media, allowing others to realize that it happens much more frequently than one would think and making it slightly less shameful and embarrassing if it were to happen. He also applauds others who have made talking about their gut health much more of a priority in order to also create an environment for people to feel less alone if something doesn't feel right physically in that realm.
In Episode 129, Billy Donnelly elaborates on why he takes issue with World Mental Health Day, or even National Mental Health Awareness Week and Month. He explains how he finds these spotlight days to be a bit insulting, with everyone joining a hashtag or some social media trend in its name and then moving on once it's over. He talks about how mental health really needs to be a priority all the time, and that, while he's seen strides made in talking about things much more frequently, thus helping eliminate some stigma, we all need to continue discussing our mental health struggles, issues and illnesses in the hopes that perhaps our experiences may be able to help someone else. And, for him, that stretches far beyond just one single day.
In Episode 128, Billy Donnelly travels back to his high school days (for the first time since Episode 15 - The Horrors of My High School Experience) to recall the first time he indeed remembers struggling to fit in. He discusses his difficulty in fitting neatly into certain identity boxes and/or labels that may have made it easier for him to be accepted in social circles. However, he talks about his lifelong fight to not be just one thing and the consequences that can result from not being easy to explain and comprehend to others. He wonders sometimes if it would have been easier to just "play the game," but, with that, wouldn't he then be trading in his true authentic self for just another set of problems as someone else? In addition, he also mentions how he jinxed himself the week prior by talking about how good he felt; this week, that's not the case.
In Episode 127, Billy Donnelly does his best to embrace being in a good place at the moment. He lays out a number of things that seem to be moving in a positive direction for him as of late: good health, a new job, less time to dwell, etc. From there, he explains how important it is to just ride such a wave for as long and as far as it holds up. And, for once, he aims not to "poop on his own party" with some sort of pessimism or negativity but to just be happy in the happiness.
In Episode 126, Billy Donnelly tells the story of a recent explosion of anger that he unleashed upon his kids. He explains the plans they had all set together and how they had come apart when some did not do what was asked of them. He lays out his feelings on the matter and how they got to that point since this incident did not just exist in a vacuum. He also talks about how it is difficult for him to identify and recognize such a response when the impulse kicks in so quickly that brings him "in the red," so to speak. However, he reveals the discussions he had with both his wife and his therapist about his response to a situation being proportional to the offense, in addition to the importance of positive reinforcement to change patterns of behavior - and the struggle that presents for him as someone who has lacked such in their life and, as a result, does not always know what that looks like to then give.
In Episode 125, Billy Donnelly discusses a recent challenge that was thrown to him during therapy, asking why he is able to feel so confident going up on stage to perform karaoke (as referenced in Episode 121 - Popular), even knowing his vocal limitations, when those same carefree feelings seem to be so difficult to drum up in other areas of his life. He examines the reasons as to why that might possibly be, and he raises the idea of having to rewire the way his brain thinks in order to make changes. He also makes it a point to credit his increasing self-awareness with being able to recognize and identify these behaviors once a spotlight has been shone upon them, making it somewhat easier to then course correct as they resurface.
In Episode 124, Billy Donnelly discusses people's recent insistence on turning everything into some sort of side hustle and, as a result, never truly having anything that just belongs to them anymore. He talks about everyone trying to strike it rich with their hobbies and passions or "content," removing all the joy and personal fulfillment that comes with doing things that you like by turning it all into work. He discusses the misguided belief that one's time is valuable, so they should be compensated as a result, no matter what, explaining that some things just are and doing them gives rewards that may not be monetary. He also talks about how doing things for the right reasons can add positive elements into your life, while doing things for the wrong reasons is destined to fail due to not being built upon a solid enough structure in the first place.
In Episode 123, Billy Donnelly describes his recent bout with the stomach flu and all the awfulness that entails. He talks about the impact that had on his already existent GI issues, plus the overall uselessness he felt while feeling so horrible. However, he does bring up the sweetness shown by his kids in making sure he was doing okay. However, just when he thought he was out of the woods and his health had resumed, symptoms seemed to kick back in again - even worse this time - coinciding with the night he had a ticket to see My Chemical Romance. Therefore, he dives right into the ordeal of that experience and everything that came with desperately not wanting to poop his pants in public.
In Episode 122, stemming from his pseudo-popularity on his Alaskan cruise, Billy Donnelly seeks to get a better understanding of where his need for attention comes from. With the help of his therapist, he is able to find some answers in his role as a class clown growing up (some of which was discussed and alluded to in Episode 13 - Send In The Clown). He talks about his earliest memory of using humor to be accepted by his peers, which coincides with switching schools in 5th grade and joining an entirely new environment. He connects that high of being liked and accepted as a result of those tools to the persistent need for outside validation that has continued throughout his life. He likens the crave for attention to being a junkie, constantly chasing the next fix to lift himself up when he hits an inevitable low. He also explains that we use what we have at our disposal, and, while others may have been more attractive or athletic or just magnetic in their personalities, it was his sense of humor that was his invitation into the party. However, that didn't stop such an embrace of being a class clown from creating longer standing issues that we may be taking a closer look at in the here and now.
In Episode 121, Billy Donnelly once hops aboard his Alaskan cruise to tell a tale of fleeting popularity. He talks about the experience of becoming almost pseudo-celebrities with his wife on the ship as a result of some karaoke performances and game show participation, and, with that, he discusses the highs of being recognized throughout the trip by a number of others. However, he also brings up his wife calling him out on having a "need for fans" in this type of situation, which once again brings up his need for outside validation. As a result, he causes him to ponder if he's doing some things for the right reasons or to continue chasing those momentary highs. In addition, he ties it back to the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fck* (which he's currently re-reading) and Mark Manson's very specific example of popularity being a bad value and the reasoning why. From that, our host inevitably runs into disappointment when things occur outside of his control. But due to his self-awareness, he is able to recognize and understand that perspective in order to minimize his hurt feelings.
In Episode 120, Billy Donnelly returns from his Alaskan cruise vacation to recall the peacefulness of his trip and to vehemently stress the benefits of disconnected from the world from time to time. He talks about the relief that comes from unplugging from our phones, electronics and other constant tethers to the outside world and allowing ourselves to just be in the moment without having to constantly keep tabs on what's happening elsewhere. He discusses the wondrous beauty of the larger world, and, rather than trying to preach becoming one with nature and the universe, just insists that we try to take it in every once in awhile and separate ourselves from our usual worries, concerns and problems.
In Episode 119, Billy Donnelly takes a moment to reflect on our progress - where we were, how far we've gone and where we're hoping to go. With that, he poses a number of questions to to ponder and try answering as you measure the movement in your personal journey.
In Episode 118, Billy Donnelly examines the convenient excuse of "not having enough time" when we're unable to do the things we claim we want to do. However, he sees this more as a problem of giving our time away to others and not claiming it for ourselves. He discusses the importance of setting boundaries and carving out slices of your life for you upon which others are not allowed to infringe or encroach. He talks about taking our time for us as a method of self-care and elaborates on the various pitfalls that you can create for yourself when you only give of yourself to others but never for yourself.
In Episode 117, Billy Donnelly examines his tendency to view things through a negative "glass half empty" lens and why he finds it so difficult to pay enough attention to the positives that occur on a regular basis. He discusses possible defense mechanisms in order to mitigate any amount of pain or hurt that may arise as a result of too much of a positive outlook not coming to pass and the resulting disappointment. He also talks about some of the positives just being a part of the fabric of daily existence, thus not really calling for any extra hoopla or celebration. However, he connects the dots back to themes raised in Episode 53 - Am I Worthy?, wondering if the main obstacle blocking him from finding more positives in his life have to do with his own sense of worthiness. In addition, he takes time to elaborate on the new three-digit crisis number 988, namely what it does and its importance.
In Episode 116, Billy Donnelly talks about one of his biggest fears for his kids - them being like him. As a result, he discusses the ways he's tried to influence them to steer them in a different direction, one that doesn't have them making his same mistakes growing up or finding similar regrets, and the expectations for them that have resulted. However, he has come to the realization that he cannot assert control over all these things, and it most likely hasn't served him nor his children well. He discusses his need to hold on more loosely, yet still providing them with the best information, knowledge and advice possible, for them to make good choices and turn into whoever they wind up becoming, regardless of if that's like him or not.
In Episode 115, Billy Donnelly addresses how everything is NOT fine out there in the world currently, and more specifically most things suck. As a result, that can be incredibly deflating, discouraging and overwhelming. Due to that tidal wave of negative feelings, he discusses the importance of disengaging periodically and finding something that can boost your mood and energy in an attempt to reenergize and re-join the fight again later. He talks about how feelings of guilt in these situations can be expected, but they are normal and okay, as maintaining your mental health is truly important in these tough times. He stresses that it doesn't make you a bad friend, a bad ally or a bad anything to have to put yourself first and take care of you when you are at risk of burn out, depression and so much else. He brings forth personal examples of how he's become so enveloped by major traumatic events that it's been tough to find his way out as he fell further and further down the information rabbit hole. That still is a struggle that resurfaces periodically when these major things happen, but he knows that they are a problem for him and, as a result, shares some guardrails he has established for himself to try limiting those deteriorating moods as best as possible.
In Episode 114, Billy Donnelly has a lot of anger, rage, frustration and sadness to sort through, concerning the overturning of Roe v. Wade, the latest assaults against the LGBTQIA+ community and the recent attempts to now ban books from his son's middle school library for their "indoctrination."
In Episode 113, Billy Donnelly recounts his recent trip to D.C. for Drewpies Takeover Vol. 2 (Check out Episode 61 - Drewpies Takeover for the full meaning of the event). However, in the midst of his good time, a few bumps in the road surfaced, and he spends some time discussing boundaries being ignored and disrespected as well as feeling taken for granted for the first time within this gathering. He raises the issue of being asked to sacrifice parts of his own good time for others and not being able to wrap his head around such requests when he feels he's already given enough of himself and doesn't seem to get back similar treatment.
In Episode 112, Billy Donnelly discusses the importance of finding your happy place - something that you can go to in order to take a short break from the outside world and bring joy and happiness back into your life. He uses a few examples from his own life, namely hockey, that have helped center him in recent time when things felt really awful and overwhelming. He implores everyone to find that comfort food of sorts that can serve as an easy constant to return to when you really need it most. He stresses that it doesn't have to be one thing or come in one form and that everyone will find something different that works for them, but almost as a form of self-care it is absolutely necessary to keep oneself sane as things progressively seem to suck more and more around us.
In Episode 111, Billy Donnelly talks about the targeting of the LGBTQIA+ community with legislation that seeks to make their lives unnecessarily more difficult and cause irreparable harm for no real reason other than hatred mixed with a lack of respect, understanding and empathy. He discusses the Don't Say Gay laws and the heavy focus on trans individuals, and how it all operates once again through weaponized religion and the insistence on othering those who may be different from us. However, he calls out the hypocrisy of "protecting the children," while actively doing things that put them in more danger, and really pushes for people to mind their own damn business when it comes to others trying to find some shred of love and happiness within their own lives.
In Episode 110, Billy Donnelly tries to process his emotions stemming from yet another mass shooting - this time at an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas, that left 19 kids and 2 teachers dead - and asks what, as a society, are we doing to allow these things to continue happening.
In Episode 109, Billy Donnelly talks about a recent experience of pushing himself past some limits - in order to go to brunch - and how it didn't end particularly well for him. With a not-great day of ulcerative colitis hitting, he ignored a bunch of the warning signs, in order for his chronic condition to not be the center of attention, to not feel as if he was disappointing others by not going and also to not miss out on the good time. As a result, he learned the hard way that those things have to be less of a concern for him and consideration for his own health needs to be top priority. He discusses the pressure he put on himself to try to be "normal," and why some sacrifices - including brunch - will just have to become the new "normal" moving forward.
In Episode 108, Billy Donnelly dives into his religious/spiritual journey over the years, starting with his upbringing before turning into some more formative institutional experiences and ultimately settling into his current belief system. He recalls memories with the sacrament of penance and the red-blooded prayerkerchief, his learning from the Jesuits and his exposure to the weaponizing of religious beliefs as he charts a path through his life dealing with faith. In addition, he has a COVID health update and has some thoughts on the tragedy in Buffalo as it pertains to guns and how we talk about race in America.
In Episode 107, Billy Donnelly talks about COVID finally getting to him after all this time. He details his experience with symptoms and his overall health throughout the week, reveals where he let his guard down to probably contract it and stresses why people should still continue to take precautions as best as possible. From there, he has some things to say about the latest news from the Supreme Court and the inevitable overturning of Roe v. Wade. He lets the fury fly, as he tells the brutal truth about the "pro-life" movement and what they're really after, and expresses his rage at how badly we have let generations of women down by taking away their bodily autonomy. He lays out his concerns about where things are headed and why it's now-or-never in fighting for many of these rights.
In Episode 106, Billy Donnelly decides to switch up the focus of this week's show after learning some pretty tragic news concerning the death of a family friend. With that, he explains what he initially was planning on talking about and why it shifted due to what's truly important to him suddenly being put into perspective. He also discusses May being Mental Health Awareness Month and what he hopes comes from that distinction as opposed to being just another one of those awareness months that people only care about in the moment and then quickly forget about soon after.
In Episode 105, Billy Donnelly really contemplates the idea of a mid-life crisis when it's reframed as grieving the loss of the life one had envisioned. With that, he looks through the five stages of the grieving process - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance - and can easily track his progress over a lengthy stretch of time to know where he's stuck and why it's so difficult for him to move onto the next and final step. However, with this new perspective on being unhappy with where his life may be at in certain aspects, it may actually be helping him move much closer to the end of his grief than originally thought.
In Episode 104, which marks the two-year anniversary of the show, Billy Donnelly reflects on the journey of Getting Old Quickly. He discusses the podcast's beginnings and the uncertainty of how long he'd even want to do it, and the surprise he's gotten over time that he's still doing it to this day. He reveals how he recently thought about bringing the show to a close and discusses what re-energized him to keep going for as long as he sees fit. He offers up his thanks and gratitude to those who have supported the show along the way and made it possible for him to want to keep doing it, and he celebrates a milestone for him in having committed to doing something that he enjoys for this stretch of time and beyond.
In Episode 103, Billy Donnelly takes a look at how his life isn't exactly what or where he expected it to be, and explains a bit about the mid-life crisis that he finds himself in as a result. He discusses the facets of his life that he's good with, but also elaborates further on those he still hasn't figured out and the strain that comes with that uncertainty. He talks about the dangers of expectations and how that can lead to disappointment, but also puts into perspective the fact that life is not a smooth line from beginning to end and, with that, things don't always go according to plan.
In Episode 102, Billy Donnelly centers a lot of his discussion around WrestleMania. First, with the event having just passed, he talks about his history attending the popular wrestling event and how having chosen not to go this year made him realize just how much he missed be around the entire atmosphere of it. However, he also opens up about the downside of going to such experiences, namely struggling to meet up with friends and people he knows in the hopes of building further connection with them. He explores feeling like both the catalyst for trying to make these interactions happen but also the afterthought when they don't or when he is the only one putting forth all the energy and effort, which just further leads to feelings of rejection. He talks about his need for emotional connection and not being able to find it even among a community with similar interests, which is where he's been told is a good place to try to make new friends. He elaborates on the problems of social media in building friendships, particularly how it may connect us with more people but leaves us more isolated because all of our interactions occur over a screen. He talks about wanting to move from more "friends"/"followers" to real-life friends. He then ponders the various ways one could go about trying to make new friends, all of which sound like bad ideas when it comes to implementing them in-person, and he wonders deeply what the answers or solutions might be in order to feel less lonely.
In Episode 101, Billy Donnelly discusses the importance of speaking up with your feelings. He talks about some of the impediments one might throw up in order to keep things to themselves - be it fear of judgment or mockery or not wanting to cause a problem or confrontation. However, he dives into where the benefit rests, and why you being open about how certain words, actions and/or behavior make you feel is really the only way for you to create opportunities for potential change. He reveals a recent example where he felt it was imperative to speak up about what he was feeling, and, in doing so, he felt heard and also understood, given that those feelings were reciprocated by the other party. He jumps into how freeing it can be to really speak from the heart about your emotions, as it can also allow you a whole range of options as to how to proceed once they're out there.
In Episode 100, Billy Donnelly brings you up to speed on his whereabouts the last couple of weeks. He discusses his desire to do the things that he's comfortable doing these days, and tells stories about his recent trip to Orlando for wrestling and back up to Washington D.C. In addition, he talks about having to fight past some limits and restrictions he was putting up for himself, and how he found himself having a good time on the other side as a result. He also reveals his new start with medication and how he had to overcome some stigmatization feelings of his own over time in order to get to this better place. Plus, he reflects upon crossing the 100-episode mark with the podcast.
In Episode 99, Billy Donnelly takes a look at how the expectations others place upon us can negatively impact the ways we see ourselves as we constantly try to level up those relationships. He discusses the need for reasonable expectations in how we operate but also in how we see others, in order to minimize our disappointment when outsized ideals are not met. He once again talks about being one's own worst critic, and how always chasing the expectations of ourselves and others can led to never-ending feelings of failure and not being good enough. He also offers up the need to find satisfaction in where we're at and who we are rather than who we're supposed to be, or should be, or could be.
In Episode 98, Billy Donnelly reflects upon a lost weekend of trying to connect with his 12-year-old preteen son and having it go awry pretty quickly. He explains the difficulties, frustrations and hurt feelings he faces with just trying to communicate and bond, only to wind up dissociating in order to protect his own mental wellbeing.
In Episode 97, Billy Donnelly actually wonders if he is doing the best he can, or if that's an convenient excuse to try letting himself off the hook for not meeting his own expectations. That's the dilemma explored on this show, as he looks at the lack of grace and forgiveness he grants himself, holding onto all his shortcomings and mistakes as punishment for not hitting the marks he believes he should be hitting. He once again discusses his incredible fear of failure and how he perceives letting himself off the hook as an acceptance of failure. As a result, he dives into how being his most brutal and harshest critic continues contributing to this problem.
In Episode 96, Billy Donnelly stresses the importance of open and honest communication - communicating your wants and needs, communicating your feelings, communicating your thoughts, etc. He takes a look at the various reasons why we are often too afraid and/or reluctant to talk with others, whether it's avoiding feelings of discomfort or worrying about being judged, while also examining how detrimental it can be to then craft a reality in your own mind that is based entirely around assumption. He discusses his own path to being more communicative over the years, and also explains how that factors into working through some issues in his own life that have resurfaced as of late.
In Episode 95, Billy Donnelly explains how he doesn't have much to talk about this week as he privately deals with a number of issues in his life while feeling numb to just about all of it.
In Episode 94, Billy Donnelly talks about his struggles with ulcerative colitis. He discusses how he became diagnosed with this chronic condition and the frustrations he's felt since then, including feeling embarrassed to talk about it and feeling like a burden to those around when in a period of flare-up. However, he talks about the revelations that came to light when he recently discussed prep for an upcoming colonoscopy and the openness of others it seemed to prompt in regards to the process and procedure. He found it interesting that this thing we all are recommended to have done is something no one really talks about, and he's not exactly sure why. But in talking about his issues as of late, he found that others were more willing to talk about some things they've been dealing with recently. From those conversations, he felt more supported in coping with his affliction, while also finding others who he felt saw and understood what he was going through.
In Episode 93, Billy Donnelly talks about the recent announcement of the When We Were Young music festival. He discusses the initial wave of excitement surrounding the show and all the bands tapped to play, and then he dives into how that optimism quickly turned to cynicism and doubt about how and when the other shoe would drop on it. He ponders how and why we have become so pessimistic in all areas of our lives, and how that leads to us constantly saying "No" in an effort to protect ourselves from any bit of disappointment. He talks about the importance of finding ways to get to "Yes" and of doing things and hoping for the best, as a way to just live our lives and avoid an existence filled with "What-ifs" and regrets. He stresses the need to not throw up excuses and obstacles and impediments for ourselves out of fear, but instead to lean into doing the things we want to do and seeing what happens, even if that means things don't work out. He states emphatically that we need to be willing to take calculated risks from time to time.
In Episode 92, Billy Donnelly recounts his recent birthday - turning 42 - and what the age number actually means to him. However, he does talk about the wealth of Happy Birthday wishes and sentiments that came his way as a result and discusses how they carry so much more meaning and impact than we'd readily admit. He discusses what it feels like to be seen on this special day and why we should try to do more of this to brighten the days of others than less. Overall, he dives into why it just feels good to be recognized by others on your birthday.
In Episode 91, Billy Donnelly talks about the birthday surprise he received this year for his 42nd, in the form of an out-of-town visitor. He discusses how the feelings that accompanied this surprise ran counter to how he felt last year (which can be heard in full on Episode 39: Turning 41) when his birthdays felt overlooked and under-celebrated. He also dives into the importance of both showing and telling those that matter to us and that we care about how we feel about them, and that it doesn't have to be either/or... it really needs to be a marriage of both.
In Episode 90, Billy Donnelly stresses the importance of doing the things you like, regardless of other people's opinions/judgment. He talks about why we need to find those things that bring us joy or allow us to express ourselves or give us the opportunity to try something new, and how the unsolicited opinions of others can be detrimental to that process. He ponders why people feel the need to run down things that are different or that aren't for them rather than commending others on making bold choices or leaning into their unique tastes. However, he talks about the resulting self-doubt and shame from those situations that can derail our confidence in making such choices and prevent us from doing the things we want. He tells a pair of stories of how being on both sides of that judgment has affected him over time and the lessons he's tried to take away from each.
In Episode 89, Billy Donnelly rings in the New Year by laying out his case against New Year's resolutions, particularly why they mostly don't stick and are set up for the bad kind of failure. He discusses how identifying aspects of your life that you want to change are a good thing, but it's all about how we go about implementing those improvements that makes all the difference. He points out that New Year's Day shouldn't be some magical pill that we think will automatically instill growth in our life, and that we can try to make changes at any point throughout the year. However, he continues, if we're not committed or ready to put in the actual work that comes with making this fixes in our lives, then it's just empty promises and hollow words, setting ourselves up for disappointment when we don't immediately start seeing results. He talks about how difficult making changes in your life can be, especially if you don't like the path you are currently on, but it does take effort and time, so give yourself grace, be patient and don't be afraid to encounter some setbacks. It's all about making progress.
In Episode 88, Billy Donnelly bids farewell to the year that was 2021 and talks about making it through the struggles of this particular year and how it was a different sort of difficult from the horrors of 2020. He also emphatically talks about the pride he has in the growth, learning and progress he's made in a number of areas this year as well.
In Episode 87, Billy Donnelly talks about his plans for the holidays this year, including the annual road trip to visit family for the holidays. He revisits what happened last year during the pandemic to make things less than ideal (you can hear it in full with Episode 37 - Home for the Holidays), and hopes that things go a lot smoother this time around, with less worry and concern plaguing him and far more comfort in things working out for the best. He discusses his fondness for Christmas and what it has meant to him over the years, dating back to his childhood, and he talks about what he hopes we can all find throughout this time of year for ourselves.
In Episode 86, Billy Donnelly starts feeling a little bit better than he has in recent weeks and discusses how important finding the slightest bit of motion in his life may have helped in that. He talks about how setting minor goals for himself and getting them done led to incredible feelings of accomplishment, which in turn had him feeling good about himself. He touches upon how just finding something away from the monotony and routine that you can do can make a world of difference and have you feeling like you're moving forward out of a place of being sad or depressed or in a funk. He explains how even something so small can really help and offers up a few examples of what did the trick for him, while acknowledging that everyone needs to find their own forms of motion that resonate with them.
In Episode 85, Billy Donnelly talks openly about some recent struggles, but really hones in on how quickly things can turn negative for him emotionally/mentally with the introduction of some unforeseen trigger. He discusses how easily it is for his mind to travel down a rabbit hole while trying to make sense of any situation, where the conclusions still almost always end up with him placing blame on himself for how things have played out. Once again, he talks about why he beats himself up and/or punishes himself for past mistakes and transgressions that he believes he must be paying a price for, and how that creates a belief system about himself that is incredibly difficult from which to escape. He explores ideas of worthiness when it comes to being able to find joy and happiness and also accepting compliments, but he digs even deeper on that front this time, as he looks at whether or not those things are "deserved" by him. He also touches upon increasing concerns of being seen as a "horrible person," whether unfounded or not.
In Episode 84, Billy Donnelly talks about his latest road trip: hitting up a family wedding leading up to Thanksgiving. After wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving, he discusses his apprehension about being in a situation surrounded by lots of people, with his COVID fears still very prevalent in his mind. However, he talks about what helped him get to a certain place of comfort with his decision to ultimately attend and what the experience was like for him to see friends and family that he hadn't seen in nearly 2 years. In addition, he talks about the most meaningful memory he was able to take away from the weekend - his interactions with the groom (his cousin). He touches upon how the words spoken to him in those moments carried with them so much weight while also happening to be exactly what he needed to hear. He lays out how genuine they were, how they were nothing he expected given the circumstances, yet how much they meant to him, given the issues with validation he's struggled with over time (and how they satisfied his Words of Affirmation Love Language).
In Episode 83, Billy Donnelly hits the road again, this time for a wedding, but, in doing so, details a lot of the struggles he's faced in trying to return to "normal" and get back out there doing things in the outside world again. He talks about the worry, anxiety and fear he deals with on a daily basis as he tries to keep himself and his family safe from COVID. However, a recent tweet thread he came across that touched upon a superiority complex built around following the rules" hit him hard and pushed him to reconsider his thought process as of late. He touches upon his desire to do more things, particularly things he enjoys, and how a more realistic expectation for what could happen and gentle pushes towards events set in stone may get him back into the swing of things.
In Episode 82, Billy Donnelly decides he wants to talk about all the judgment and outrage he's been seeing exhibited by people more and more over time. He tries to examine where all of this judgment towards other people is coming from and why people as a whole refuse to acknowledge of accept any sort of nuance or the complexity of the human condition. He ponders on why some insist on perfection from others, which is an unrealistic expectation for anyone to meet. At the same time, he wonders whether or not human beings can ever truly be happy, or if there's a reason we gravitate towards finding things to be angry and outraged about endlessly. He discusses how this need to be bothered by everyone and everything is unhealthy and only fosters more of it. In addition, he talks about doing our best to identify, acknowledge and grow from these behaviors, so we can aim to grow and make some progress in our mindsets rather than doubling-down on these behaviors as somehow concrete.
In Episode 81, Billy Donnelly has a few things he wants to get off his chest. He starts on a positive note by giving a bit of a recap on his recent road trip to Michigan and the relief it was to do something new for a change. However, he also speaks on the regret he has sometimes that the podcast isn't more uplifting and fun and can often feel like a bit of a bummer, given his mood and headspace. With that said, he transitions into talking about his current bout with depression and how so much of his days are going through the motions until he can get to the end of one and onto the next. He touches upon how his massive distrust of other people and the lack of control he has over many situations only contribute to not being able to find more safe and comfortable outlets to pour his time and energy into for potential efforts to pull himself out of any funks. He also tells a story of watching an internet pile-on occur to one of his friends and expresses how seeing people give in to their worst instincts and behaviors took him into deeper sadness due to the lack of empathy on display, with the outside world seemingly making his depression worse regularly. Finally, he ponders the purpose of mankind, and what he has concluded over the years, which doesn't help him see any potential for optimism or idealism on the horizon as a result.
In Episode 80, Billy Donnelly lets us all know he's not actually here at the moment. Instead, he's on a road trip for the Halloween weekend, but brings us up to speed on where he's going, what he's doing, why he badly needed this time away from home and how important it was for him to have something to look forward to as of late.
In Episode 79, Billy Donnelly stresses the importance of communication, particularly when it comes to our feelings. Coming out of a depressive episode, he felt incredibly awful and, at times, very alone in his struggles. However, he began to feel a bit better after having an honest conversation with his wife where he was able to lay out what he was dealing with, the emotions running through his head and have a sounding board he felt comfortable talking to, so as to not carry all of the weight by himself any longer. He discusses the emotional barrier he has created, trying to protect others from worrying and being too concerned about him too much, particularly when he is feeling down or struggling. However, he has learned over time that it's a wall he needs to get over, because those people are there to help, and he cannot control how they may feel about the circumstances. He talks about the difficulty of acknowledging our troubles externally in the moment but elaborates on the benefits we can find on the other side once we get through it.
In Episode 78, Billy Donnelly talks a little bit about where he's at mentally and emotionally as of late, which, to him, is not a particularly great place. He reveals his lack of motivation even to record this episode but expands on why he feels it's important to talk openly and honestly about these struggles as they happen rather than avoiding them or pretending they're not happening. He briefly discusses the cause of these current emotions and touches a bit on his frustration with not having answers as to how to fix it or make it better. However, he stresses that even in feeling alone and awful right now, he knows that's not the case, and that there is togetherness in feeling like that.
In Episode 77, Billy Donnelly is at a loss, as he tries to make sense of his outbursts of anger and what is behind them. He shares a couple of recent stories that resulted in angry feelings, but explains why he feels the appearance of anger in each was justified. However, of bigger concern to him is the moments that he cannot seem to explain away and why there are times he just feels angry a lot. He cannot put his finger on a source or a cause and is frustrated himself that he doesn't have any answers. However, he recognizes the fact that he can even acknowledge this as a problem is progress and growth and is determined to discover more answers as he goes, in order to get a better handle on what is happening in these circumstances.
In Episode 76, Billy Donnelly decides that this is the point to finally talk about sex - mainly the role it has played over the years for him as a tool to seek validation and to boost his self-esteem. He talks about how not-so-healthy relationships when he was younger really dealt a big hit to his feelings of being wanted and desired as he got a little older. As a result, he developed a not-sustainable model of trying to fill those voids through sex and hook-ups. He discusses feelings of loneliness and using physical pleasure as a temporary subsitutute, which, over time, created more problems than it even attempted to solve. In addition, he opens up about how addicting it can be to chase validation in this form and the long-term repercussions that result in one's relationship expectations.
In Episode 75, Billy Donnelly deals with the pressures of parenthood, namely the concern of failing your children. He discusses the hope that our children will have a better life than our own and the expectations we place upon ourselves to try ensuring that happens. However, Billy comes to terms with the fact that while we can exhibit influence over our children to an extent, we do not have control over their choices and ultimately how they live their lives. As a result, the blame we may put on ourselves for certain things that happen in their lives as a result of their choices is misplaced and lessens some of the burden we unfairly put on our own shoulders. In addition, trying to prevent hurt or discomfort or traumas in their lives as a way to counter things that may have happened to us as children is nearly impossible and a recipe for failure on our own ends.
In Episode 74, Billy Donnelly adds onto a previous episode to further discuss our struggles with insecurity and the vulnerable position it leaves us in when we admit the very existence of our own. He talks about the importance of admitting our insecurities are there and the dangers that come from looking for or expecting quick-fix solutions to make them go away. He discusses the idea of others selling us a magic bean to solve our problems, in an attempt to capitalize on both our insecurities and our vulnerability, and why we need to be on the look out for those who don't have our genuine best interests at heart. However, he really gets into the steps we need to take ourselves to be able to get a handle on our insecurities and what we can do to more realistically combat them as opposed to trying to unsuccessfully eliminate them.
In Episode 73, Billy Donnelly makes an important breakthrough for himself and his long-standing embrace of a victim identity. Prompted by a reading of Mark Manson's book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*- Billy begins to question enough about what he knows and believes to wonder if he's trapped himself in victimhood over the years after a number of experiences for a variety of reasons, starting with an ideal for justice and fairness, followed by a fear of what his life would be like not being the victim and ending up with a loss of identity if he didn't have those experiences to hold onto as a part of who he is any longer. Billy really starts peeling back a number of layers to his proverbial onion to look at why he sat in this victimhood for so long and why he failed to take any responsibility in the aftermath of his traumas to move forward and let go. It's a sobering realization for him to come to at this point in his life, and this episode really allows him to unpack a lot of this emotional baggage he's been carrying for so long.
In Episode 72, Billy Donnelly is feeling pretty good and once again finds himself struck by inspiration to create. As a result, he talks about the difference he has found between ideas where he has expectations as to where things might lead or how something might be received and those he is doing simply to please himself and satisfy his own excitement. He also discusses how easy it is to back away from our enthusiasm and find excuses or reasons not to do something, primarily out of fear. However, he really champions finding the time or energy or space to follow through on these things that have us feeling inspired, because they are essentially forms of self-care that feed us mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. He stresses the importance of finding ways to say yes to ourselves instead of taking the quick route to saying no.
In Episode 71, Billy Donnelly once again ventures into the world of professional wrestling, connecting on a deep level with a video of John Cena making a positive impact on the lives of others without knowing it. He details a video he came across on Twitter telling a story of a boy whose mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and how a simple act of kindness by John Cena majorly affected them in that moment. Billy talks about the lessons he took away from hearing this story (while sobbing), particularly to do our best to be kind to one another when we can. He stresses that we have no idea how our actions, words, gestures, etc. may be the thing that they need right then and there, and we'll probably never know either how we may have turned someone's day around or made them feel better. Billy tells a story of a couple acquaintances who recently reached out to him at a time when he was struggling, and how just being seen by them and having that connection when it happened helped immensely.
In Episode 70, Billy Donnelly decides to talk a bit about professional wrestling and, more specifically, the return of CM Punk and his introduction into AEW (All Elite Wrestling). He discusses CM Punk's 7-year absence from the squared circle and the circumstances that led to him walking away from his passion. However, from CM Punk's long journey back to this world he loved for quite some time, Billy tries to lay out a number of lessons that can be taken from this entire story - be it self-care, or setting boundaries, or creating space, or somehow finding a spark that brings you back to something that was ruined for you by others - and that we can translate into our own lives, as they aren't just exclusive to professional wrestling. Billy talks about the inspiration and emotion he has gathered from CM Punk, and how he relates to a lot of Punk's feelings over the years due to the bad experiences he's gone through on his own. But with Punk's return, maybe there is hope for some of us to once again find joy and happiness in the things that once meant so much to us and were important parts of our lives.
In Episode 69, Billy Donnelly decides to talk a bit about insecurity, namely some of his own which he's struggled with over the years. In addition to his worries about being good enough as a dad - and the pressure of trying not to inflict long-term damage on one's kids - as well as whether he's good enough at any of the things he's passionately done over the years (podcasting, writing, etc.), he aims to figure out where these insecurities are born, what might help reduce them and how we do our best to work through them.
In Episode 68, Billy Donnelly explores quite a bit of his anxiety as it relates to the recent upswing in Covid cases and the rapid spread of the Delta variant. He discusses the survival instincts that are baked into our anxiety and how our past experiences and always-increasing base of knowledge informs how we react and respond to the signs for what lies up ahead. He also talks about how normal it is to feel worried, apprehensive, concerned and/or afraid of what's happening in the world around us. He also brings up how the lack of a calming presence who can speak with any degree of certainty about things being okay in the future only contributes to those feelings. As we continue moving forward into an unknown future, it's only natural for our anxieties to increase, but we need to do our best to be there for one another as at least a sounding board to express how we're feeling.
In Episode 67, Billy Donnelly has feelings of frustration he wants to get out in regards to how too many people negatively reacted to Simone Biles' Olympics withdrawal on account of a mental issue. He discusses the still-very present stigmatization that exists around mental health, even as more people keep talking about their mental health advocacy and its importance. He wonders why physical issues are more acceptable for others to understand whereas mental struggles are more easily dismissed, and how that can affect others who are looking for a safe place to come forward with what they're dealing with. Plus, he has something to say to those who only want to talk about mental health when it seems to be convenient for them. In addition, he has more frustration to process as it pertains to the quickly-spreading Delta variant of Covid, and the hopelessness that is beginning to set in again as it feels any progress to this point was for naught. He discusses his own anxiety about getting it, but also for his kids being exposed and getting sick. He shares his anger at those who just continue to do the wrong thing - be it vaccination or masking - by choice.
In Episode 66, Billy Donnelly decides to talk about anger, and, more specifically, the anger of young white men. Provoked by the idea introduced in the Woodstock '99 documentary that young white men have nothing to be angry about, he attempts to unpack where this very legitimate anger comes from, how society only encourages it to get worse, what we need to do to try to address it and how we grow from it. He discusses where toxic masculinity and unrestrained aggression can factor in, but he focuses very much on the lack of empathy that seems to exist for their struggles, mixed with feelings of being misunderstood and unseen/unheard. He has a lot of ideas to pluck from his mind on the subject, as others seem very quick to dismiss and invalidate these very real feelings of an entire group of people at a time when we all claim to champion better mental health for all.
In Episode 65, Billy Donnelly talks about one of his triggers being activated this week and the struggle he had in trying to work through it. He tells the story related to this trigger's creation and spells out the longstanding anger and resentment that still feels fresh anytime this particular association is recalled. He tries to figure out what we're supposed to do to handle these incidents better, since it's impossible for them to just go away, and wishes others would just acknowledge the pain we go through in these moments.
In Episode 64, Billy Donnelly has difficulty wrapping his head around some of the struggles his daughter has been having coming out of the pandemic, particularly with heightened anxiety, and the helplessness he feels in trying to help her deal with it. He ponders what role he has had to play in contributing to it, with his own Covid worries and concerns, and he talks a lot about his fears for her future and its limitations if she only views things through a worst-case-scenario lens.
In Episode 63, Billy Donnelly talks about the creation of our comfort zones, particularly why they exist in the first place, and the limitations they place on how we live our lives. Using a few recent examples of pushing past the boundaries of his own status quo, he attempts to figure out how to press past our anxieties, fears, concerns and worries in order to be able to try new things, meet new people and have new experiences. He talks about constantly testing the limits of our safe bubbles and expanding our comfort zones to make room for new additions, while remembering that this is all easier said than done, but progress not perfection is the name of the game.
In Episode 62, Billy Donnelly keeps riding the wave of feeling good that he's been experiencing the last few weeks. As a result, he talks about some of the breakthroughs he's had lately, in regards to certain fears and anxieties that were only made worse during the pandemic. He discusses the levels of calculated risks he's been taking recently and the degree of comfort he is now starting to feel due to getting back out into the world and starting to do things again. He also touches upon how his recent swing of productivity and purpose has begun affecting his moods and feelings in a more positive fashion and given him less time to reflect and dwell.
In Episode 61, Billy Donnelly ventures out into the outside world for the first time since the start of the pandemic for a road trip to see Drew DeFour and Kin Curran headline a set of Dueling Pianos shows at Bobby McKey's and meet a group of internet strangers in real life who were integral in helping him get through the past year of quarantine/lockdown. Throughout the episode, Billy lays the foundation for meeting Drew and Kin, how their shows were a stable constant during a time of extreme instability in the world and how an organic community of people - the Drewpies - found each other and came together to make a pilgrimage to a piano bar in the National Harbor in Maryland as the world started opening back up. He talks at-length about this amazing experience, finally processing what it all means to him, how it made him feel throughout and the various things he will take away and hold onto from all of it.
In Episode 60, Billy Donnelly explores the idea of Has-Beens and Never-Wases and tries to process his reality as one of the latter. He talks about the sadness he feels in constantly trying to measure up and have his moment, only for it to feel like he is constantly making his situation worse. He discusses his understanding of the Has-Been's plight, as they are being forced to leave behind a life they don't want to leave, but he dives further into the frustration of never having your shot at the title, of never being able to attempt proving yourself in the moment. As he seeks answers and a better understanding, he may just walk away with more questions that he entered with.
In Episode 59, Billy Donnelly tells a recent story of trying to help his son make YouTube videos and the difficulties, resistance and frustrations he encountered along the way. He details some of the lessons and takeaways he was able to grab from the experience, as he tries to come to terms with his inability to assist others who just don't want the help and the whys that surround it.
In Episode 58, coming out of Memorial Day Weekend, Billy Donnelly ponders questions about our legacies and how we want to be remembered. He discusses how these ideas start to become a bit more important to us as we get older and the things that are important to others after we're gone in how they write our posthumous stories and carry on our memories.
In Episode 57, after struggling with focus throughout the week, Billy Donnelly decides to talk about parenting, and namely the difficulties that arise in trying to do the best job you possibly can for the benefit of your kids. He discusses some recent interactions with his kids that had him feeling a bit down, and the trade-offs that come with that in aiming to raise decent human beings. He talks about the toughness in striking to find the right balance in providing proper guidance for them as they grow and develop while also not creating any unnecessary trauma for them growing up. However, he still acknowledges that no one is perfect doing it and that we all make mistakes as we go, but doing our best is all we can really seek to do if we take this responsibility seriously (as we should).
In Episode 56, Billy Donnelly talks about the recent rise in his anxiety levels, as brought on by the CDC's new Covid guidelines and people's rush to get back to "normal." He discusses his concerns over the new honor system approach to mask-wearing, in addition to increased capacity and social distancing everywhere, while discussing his worry for how it affects people who cannot be vaccinated yet, particularly children. He then veers into different territory altogether, prompted by some recent Facebook memories, in which he confronts feelings about a pair of acquaintances that faded from his life in very different ways but for similar reasons. He looks at what happened, how they made him feel and whether or not he feels compelled to do anything about it in an effort to resolve them.
In Episode 55, Billy Donnelly tries to answer the question of whether or not he is holding himself back (and by extension, this podcast) due to his fear of failure. He looks at the way he throws himself into chasing success (and the reasons why), in addition to the imbalance often created by this approach. He brings up a past situation that did not turn out well and the lessons he learned from it, while also trying to re-frame what success actually means, particularly in reference to our creative endeavors. Ultimately, he figures that his answer ultimately comes down to what he hopes to get out of what he is putting in, as he sets realistic expectations.
In Episode 54, Billy Donnelly examines the fine line that seems to exist for him between success and failure, and how it has often acted as an obstacle in moving ahead on a number of ideas, projects, etc. He discusses his history of failure and how that has fostered such an extreme dichotomy between the two sides, and he ponders why exactly he hasn't been able to get over the hump of bouncing back from failure in his life when he's been able to move past other hurt he's experiences. He also lays out where the line between the two rests and how its position has become problematic and at times crippling. He also looks at why some failures are taken personally while others aren't as big of a deal, and he tries to figure out why he's so quick to blame himself for the failings of others.
In Episode 53, Billy Donnelly explores questions of worthiness after finding some difficulty in receiving compliments from others. He tries to figure out why we find these interactions awkward and often downplay the praise that surfaces within them. He discusses ideas of hero worship and putting people on pedestals, while also talking the conflict that exists between his need for validation and affirmation and his discomfort with compliments that reflect upon him personally. He discusses various areas of praise and why some seem easier to stomach than others, in addition to examining our own comfort in expressing negativity more than positivity. He also raises the issue of how one's intent may factor into how they feel receiving compliments, while also looking at what it is we're looking to communicate in extending compliments ourselves.
In Episode 52, which marks the 1-year anniversary of Getting Old Quickly's launch, Billy Donnelly looks at the various lessons, discoveries and takeaways he has managed to find in the first year of doing the show.
In Episode 51, Billy Donnelly explores the dangerous game of comparing yourself to others and the toll it can take on your mental health. He discusses why we do it and what contributes to that type of mindset. But he also takes it one step further by raising a different level of comparison that he's struggled with lately, and that is of comparing against his potential and the best version of himself. That avenue opens up all sorts of examinations about past choices, past failures, past regrets, etc. In the end, he tries to find the best way to limit the comparing thoughts, so they don't control the way we think about our lives in the present by putting more focus on where we'd like to be.
In Episode 50, Billy Donnelly discusses how valuable other people can be in teaching you how not to do something. He talks about the various ways he tries to observe others and, in doing so, gets a better feel for who he doesn't want to be, how he doesn't want to act and how he doesn't want to behave, so he can forge a path forward that is more aligned with what he does want. He talks about how we often try to learn from the success stories of others, but their failures can often unlock just as many lessons for us to take from as far as what not to do. He taps into this learning process with several examples, detailing what he was able to uncover in trying to find improvement and growth for himself.
In Episode 49, Billy Donnelly discusses the idea of individuals as brands and the mental health toll it can take in eyeing yourself as a company rather than just as a human being. He explores the purpose of a "brand," in relation to a company's goals, and how that often runs in contrast to how we behave and act as people. He talks about the commodification of people and the problems that occur as a result of removing our humanity from everything we say and do in order to better serve the brand. He questions why we now want to be considered products and the idea of being partially owned by anyone who buys into our brand, in addition to offering up the prospective harm that comes from not allowing yourself the time or space to be messy and make mistakes when you've carefully crafted and cultivated a vision of yourself as a flawless entity.
In Episode 48, Billy Donnelly opens up about his difficulties finding joy and happiness as of late and wonders where exactly his once-present ability to laugh, smile and generally have a good time has disappeared to. In talking through his feelings on the matter, he further dives into struggles of wanting to be liked and accepted as well as his own worries about how others perceive him as he navigates potentially finding a reason for this happening. He discusses imprisoning parts of his own personality in efforts to further exhibit control in those areas and the new issues that then creates moving forward.
In Episode 47, Billy Donnelly travels back in time 30 years to revisit a period of his life playing Little League baseball and relay a particular story that he believes serves as a source point for a number of future struggles. He examines how issues of self-confidence, self-belief and self-doubt may have been created in one decision made by someone else when he was 12 years old and how it all factors into where he stands now with validation and affirmation from others.
In Episode 46, Billy Donnelly discusses the negative impact social media has had on his mood and mindset as of late, laying out his history with platforms like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram over the years. However, recently he went ahead and did a thing: creating a TikTok account, and has found an incredible amount of positivity and enjoyment in both using it and creating on it that he hasn't found in other spaces. He details the lessons he has taken away from his entry into the TikTok space and what it means for him personally in regards to his own self-care when it comes to social media.
In Episode 45, Billy Donnelly goes in-depth on three core emotions he has been battling as of late: feeling alone, feeling lost and feeling frustrated. He talks about his mindset after realizing he is very rarely asked what he needs. He details his lack of response when actually faced with that question recently, in addition to the feelings of isolation he has by not wanting to burden others with everything he is working through and, as a result, shouldering that load by himself. He also explores his struggles with finding his tribe and fitting in in a new setting, which brings back memories of trying to be accepted from high school, leaving him feeling lost. Plus, he brings up long-standing frustrations that have resurfaced in once again encountering toxic people from his past who had done him wrong and watching them continue to find new ways to infringe upon his space while also continuing to be accepted by others who should know better.
In Episode 44, Billy Donnelly stresses that, no matter what struggles or issues you are working through right now, you are doing the best you can. He talks about the various things that keep popping up and sticking him in a negative thought space, but he implores you (and himself) to keep fighting, keep trying to find progress, keep putting in the work needed to be better overall. It's all about progress, not perfection, as he reiterates, and we need to seek to find improvement, regardless of how tiny, because staying stagnant in a place that's not all that great to begin with should never be an option. From that, know that your best is good enough, so cut yourself some slack and allow yourself some grace to understand and accept that.
In Episode 43, Billy Donnelly welcomes director Nick Bilton to the show to discuss his HBO documentary Fake Famous, which attempts to turn three individuals into "famous" social media influencers. Through their talk, Billy and Nick dive into the idea behind the film's social experiment, lessons learned about why people seek fame through social media, the dangers of relying on social media platforms for personal validation, the presence and importance of bots in establishing one's social media presence, the economic system that allows a rigged social media system to persist, the amount of work that goes into a social media's online persona and facade, the mental health impact that pretending has long-term on influencers, the financial cost of paying to be internet famous, the bet that influencers make in keeping up their charades, the effect that social media has on our overall self-worth and self-esteem, and whether or not social media's chapter in history will be written as one of benefit or destruction.
In Episode 42, Billy Donnelly talks about some recent reflections that have him stuck in negative thoughts of feeling like a loser. He discusses his feelings that the universe is working against him and that, no matter what, he can't seem to catch a break, and the impact that has on self-esteem over time. He dives into his frustration of seemingly and repeatedly ending up back in the same bad endings, no matter how much he changes things or tries to learn past mistakes, and lays out the scenario of being stuck in a maze that refuses to let you find any degree of progress. He also discusses why he has trouble believing he deserves opportunity or success. He also has an update on his stomach health and stresses the importance of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Plus, this week, there's some homework.
In Episode 41, Billy Donnelly details another recent bout he had dealing with his validation struggles. This time around, he discusses how an absence of Words of Affirmation and a lack of outside validation feel an awful lot like rejection. He talks about how the structures of social media and their algorithms factor into feelings of irrelevance, in particular when posts/tweets/photos are met with silence and/or no reaction whatsoever. He dives into the crises of self-doubt that begin to creep in during these downswings, as we are denied the doses of dopamine that make us feel worthy, while elaborating on how badly we just want to be seen, heard, understood and supported when it comes to things that are deeply personal to us.
In Episode 40, Billy Donnelly talks about the curse of self-awareness and the emotional toll that comes with recognizing and acknowledging your feelings. He discusses the burden that results in traveling down the rabbit hole of your mind for a better understanding of your emotions, experiences, etc. He recognizes the short-term pain that results to find longer-term gains of growth and self-improvement, but he also brings up the "Ignorance is bliss" mentality that one could adapt instead and the negative ramifications that surely come from just pretending everything is always okay. In addition, he offers an update on his colonoscopy and Episode 26 - "The Story of Jerry."
In Episode 39, Billy Donnelly talks about turning 41 years old this week and some of the emotional baggage that comes with never really having had a big deal made out of his birthday. In addition, he talks a little bit about his fear of a coming colonoscopy, namely worries about the procedure itself but also anything that might be found wrong with him as a result.
In Episode 38, Billy Donnelly attempts to express and process his emotions surrounding the riots and insurrection in Washington, D.C. at the U.S. Capitol.
In Episode 37, Billy Donnelly discusses his trip home for the holidays to see family, which included an agreed-upon plan to quarantine and have everyone in a good position to gather for Christmas. However, with a potential Covid breach compromising the whole situation, he lays out all the changes that went into effect, in addition to the last-minute scenario that put immense pressure put on him to make a decision with everyone's health in mind. He details all the thoughts that ran through his head while contemplating whether to proceed as planned or change course, plus his struggles with guilt and not wanting to be seen as the bad guy of Christmas by everyone.
In Episode 36, Billy Donnelly says farewell to the awfulness of 2020 (Good riddance). However, he also looks at all the positive things he can take from the year as we move forward into 2021, while setting proper expectations for what the turn of the new year means and surely what it doesn't.
In Episode 35, Billy Donnelly responds to his recent viewing of the film IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE by examining James Stewart's character George Bailey in it and the standards for his fictional life that we should aspire to have in our own very real ones. In addition, he talks about why this year's watch of one of his annual holiday traditions hit him a lot harder this time around, detailing the various aspects of George's journey through the movie that resonated with him deeply and brought forth all types of emotions.
In Episode 34, Billy Donnelly discusses his lack of confidence and how, when stacked with fear of failure and self-imposed pressure, it creates a three-headed monster of struggle for him to try to overcome. He talks about what his lack of confidence is rooted in and why it's so difficult to shake loose from it to get the confidence tide flowing in the other direction.
In Episode 33, Billy Donnelly looks at the amount of pressure we put upon ourselves and how, for himself, it often feeds off his fear of failure. He talks about unrealistic expectations of perfection we place upon ourselves and discusses a recent situation and the accompanying breakdown that occurred with it afforded him the opportunity to examine how much pressure he had been putting upon himself on his journey of self-improvement. He examines where these emotions come from, but also begins to adapt a more "Progress, not perfection" mindset in measuring strides that are being made.
In Episode 32, Billy Donnelly starts examining his very own fear of failure. He tries to figure out where it started, going back to his days as a student in a gifted program and not having the tools to handle things not always coming so easily to him. He details a number of situations over the years where he did put himself out there in the hopes of creating opportunity, only to be met by rejection and/or failure. He talks about having to reconcile one's view of "success" and "failure," and essentially redefining those terms for yourself in order to create more reasonable expectations. However, he acknowledges and recognizes the various paths he has not taken in his life, due to the uncertainly and very real possibility of a less than positive outcome waiting for him at the end. In addition, he backtracks just a bit to add one more thing to his gratitude list.
In Episode 31, Billy Donnelly decides to reflect upon a number of things he's grateful for in an otherwise difficult year. With Thanksgiving upon us, he chooses to give time to the positive rather than dwelling on the negative, showing love to the various parts of his life that have meant a lot as he's struggled and dealt with all emotions of the pandemic. In addition to calling needed attention to those elements outside of himself that have really made a difference in 2020, he also turns inward to list the attributes and qualities of himself that he is grateful for at the moment, while challenging listeners of the show to do the same.
In Episode 30, Billy Donnelly details a number of contributing factors in his life that is leading him to feel burnt out as of late. He discusses the come down he's feeling from having worked so intensely on the Presidential campaign and what it feels like when the stop hits so abruptly. In addition, he talks about the mental exhaustion that still exists on a daily basis with the less-than-ideal state of the country and the world and how constant exposure to that feeds the burnout. He also brings up another recent PTSD episode he experienced as a result of a past trauma. He describes how tired he is of feeling so small when forced to confront all these emotions that stems from it, as the steps he's taken to try to block them out fail. And finally, he talks about the burnout from how people have responded to the pandemic and the lack of sacrifices that others refuse to make in order for things to be heading in a better direction at this point. He also begs for people to take into account the burnout healthcare workers are struggling with as things only get worse due to the lack of seriousness with which we have treated this entire situation from the start.
In Episode 29, Billy Donnelly talks about the incredible relief he's experienced the past several days as a result of the 2020 Presidential Election results. He details the feelings he's had about everything that's transpired over the last 4 years and discusses his emotions now that Americans chose a new path for the country moving forward. However, he also talks about the idea of considering the feelings of others who have been less than considerate in that same time span, and why respect needs to be a two-way street. In addition, he expands upon the positive experience he had volunteering for the campaign over the last few months and the fulfillment and satisfaction he found in being a part of something bigger than himself.
In Episode 28, Billy Donnelly looks back at a fateful weekend in June 2007 that involved a trip to Washington, D.C., to meet his future wife's best friends to discuss guilt and carrying the burden of your sins from the past. He discusses his role in the crumbling of their friendship and the blame he placed on himself over the years for being at the heart of it... or so he thought. After a recent conversation, he received more perspective on what really happened during that visit and a ton of missing context for things surrounding it that led him to now be free from what he believed had happened. As a result, he talks a lot about absolution and the ability to forgive yourself from your own past mistakes. But furthermore, this bit of reflection allows him to travel even deeper down the rabbit hole of his struggles with validation and how it factors into some of his behaviors and actions with a figure involved in the entire situation as they've reconnected and become involved in his family's life again. The introspection has led to realization, discovery and acknowledgement.
In Episode 27, Billy Donnelly wants to talk about the importance of learning to accept your blame. As he points out, it is very easy for us to constantly point the finger at others for our imperfect lives or things not going our way. However, he stresses the need to reflect on our roles in things panning out that way in the choices that we have made along that path. In addition, he also talks about consequences of our actions and understanding that we have a hand in how things often shake out, and that while we find it easier to paint ourselves as the victim in an effort not to diminish our own view of ourselves, it doesn't help us grow or learn or develop the tools to correct the very things we need to address.
In Episode 26, Billy Donnelly takes a trip down memory lane to talk about Jerry, his best friend from college. During this episode, Billy shares stories of their friendship in school and the good times they shared with one another, but he also discusses where the cracks in their friendship began to show and ultimately how their friendship fell apart. By reflecting on those memories, he shares regrets about how things were handled, the lessons he's taken away from what happened and the potential ramifications that resulted over time from this fallout.
In Episode 25, Billy Donnelly is very clear that the struggle is real. It never goes away; it's a constant battle for us on a daily basis to cope and manage. However, he offers some positivity and reassurance that we are not in this alone, and there are resources available to us to aid us in our fight. He emphasizes that this is not the area in your life where you need to go it alone or try proving that you can handle things by yourself. We all need to be ready, willing and able to ask for that necessary help to lessen our struggles and accept it. He likens life to a never-ending boxing match (or MMA, if you prefer). Every day is just another round - some harder than others, some more hurtful than others - and rather than giving up, we just have to keep on going, keep on battling. He also goes through some of the reasons people use as excuses for not seeking help and challenges those who refuse to get assistance to truly ask why they won't in their quests to feel better.
In Episode 24, Billy Donnelly explores the ideas of Karma and "what goes around comes around." He discusses the premise that we are taught throughout our lives that we need to be rewarded for our good behavior and deeds, be it organized religion or Santa Claus, rather than just because it's the right thing to do. However, as a firm believer in justice, he also believes we need to hold people accountable for their errors and mistakes by making them pay a price in order to learn from their actions and not repeat them. For if there is no deterrent, there is no reason for change and/or growth.
In Episode 23, Billy Donnelly gets into his feelings of being overwhelmed by the events and state of the world right now. With 2020 showing no mercy whatsoever, he discusses his struggles with anxiety as things seemingly get worse and worse, and we're left with no time at all to process our experiences as yet another bad new thing gets thrown at us. He talks about the feelings of isolation and loneliness that surface when trying to make sense of a nonsensical world, especially with the larger spread of disinformation and conspiracy theories in these times. And he touches upon the need for hope (or faith, for some) as one of the main things to help you get through those days that feel absolutely crushing and full of despair.
In Episode 22, Billy Donnelly discusses the normalcy of feeling sadness and explores the importance of allowing yourself to process these emotions rather than ignoring them and/or pretending they are not present. Often people try to unsuccessfully force happiness within themselves when they feel down or depressed, and Billy stresses the need to be in the moment with these feelings in order to try finding a way forward. He talks about the idea that "everybody hurts" (thanks, R.E.M.) and that it's the ability to acknowledge these so-called "negative feelings" that makes us human.
In Episode 21, Billy Donnelly veers a little off-course in order to talk about cults and their recent spread, namely how they operate and why people are consistently lured into them. He uses examples such as NXIVM, QAnon and even the 9/11 and Sandy Hook truthers, factoring in how conspiracy theories are also moved through these cult-like mindsets, to show how otherwise intelligent people abandon logic and reason in order to fully buy in to the cause. He looks at some of the warning signs that cults exhibit and what we can do personally to identify and walk away from their recruitments.
In Episode 20, Billy Donnelly addresses the need for self-care. He explains why it's so important and the benefits you'll find in practicing it. He lays out the difficulties you may run into some times in trying to make this common practice in yourself - both self-inflicted and from the resistance of others. However, he stresses the reasons for you being able to have time and space for yourself - your feelings, your emotions, your ability to escape and decompress, etc. - and the difficulties he had along the way in arriving at that place.
In Episode 19, Billy Donnelly discusses the very real idea that silence is complicity. After being challenged about speaking up about his prior work environment in a previous episode, he started thinking about why others would rather silence themselves and not get involved, even if that means improvement to their situations or greater change beyond that. As a result, he talks this week about standing up and finding your voice to defend what you know is right against what you see that is bad and/or wrong, both on a macro and a micro level. He believes that you shouldn't be afraid to become active in your communities and in the larger world to alter the status quo, if you don't like it. However, that also means you need to be able to speak up for yourself in your own life - to fix the things you don't like or that you want to change.
In Episode 18, Billy Donnelly details his experience dealing with a narcissist from one of his most recent work environments. He lays out the history of their working relationship, how they eventually became friends (or so he thought) and how she eventually turned on him. He explains how he came to learn more about narcissism and narcissistic behavior in order to better understand stand what had happened to him and, in depth, he discusses three strategies - triangulation, cognitive dissonance & idealization, devaluation and discarding - that narcissists use in order to exploit others, using his story in order to show how they operate in practice.
In Episode 17, Billy Donnelly talks about his time working at the Alamo Drafthouse, following the release of an investigative report of further toxicity within the company's venue and corporate culture. He discusses a bit about his experience there and some of the ridiculousness he witnessed as staff at one of their theaters. In addition, he hits on the expectations one should have to not work within an environment as such, including proper treatment and respect by co-workers and management, while also touching upon the toll it takes for the institutions and structures you rely on to protect you and take care of you absolutely fail you, creating deeper mistrust and isolation for those facing circumstances of harassment and more.
In Episode 16, Billy Donnelly discusses others' outward perceptions that everything with you is fine, when, in reality, it is a product of "fake it till you make it." This leads him to examine the various reasons why people portray things as being okay publicly while they struggle with issues of depression, anxiety, etc. internally. He talks about his own dealings with "fake it till you make it" - specifically not wanting to be treated as being different - and the unwanted sympathy and pity that typically comes with revealing vulnerabilities of that type. He looks at the ways in which social media contribute to the problem, allowing for people to portray their lives as perfect when they are anything but, and also encourages people to be more open and honest about their feelings of "being less than," believing it creates more awareness that we're all in some way working to deal with this issues.
In Episode #15, Billy Donnelly revisits his time in high school - four years of his life that he absolutely hated and was miserable in living through. He details his struggles with fitting in and being accepted by an ecosystem where everyone's ambition is to be cool and/or popular. He talks about his reluctance to just do what everyone else was doing in order to fit in. He discusses his toxic romantic relationship from those years and how it exacerbated his problems during that time, and he reveals his lowest point during it all, which led to a cry for help and a desperate need to escape.
In Episode #14, Billy Donnelly tackles the idea of gatekeepers - those who determine who is included or not included as a part of a club, social circle, etc. He tells of his own experiences dealing with gatekeepers, and how much it has negatively stuck with him over the years as he tried his damnedest to be a part of various film groups during his writing days and was rejected. He explains why it means so much for people to be embraced and accepted, and when they're not the self-doubt being left out creates. He also relays a recent experience he had listening to the song "Part of Your World" from Disney's THE LITTLE MERMAID, and how much it resonated with him due to his lack of inclusion at the hands of gatekeepers from his past.
In Episode #13, Billy Donnelly struggles with the identity he feels he's used most over the years in the hopes of fitting in and being liked - the clown. He discusses the easiness of being the person who makes everyone laugh and provides a good time in the company of others, but also details the taxing struggles of having to be that guy all the time and not being taken seriously when it comes time to move beyond those moments. He tells an early story of using these tactics to be accepted at a young age, but also coming to the realization that those moments also came to define him in the minds of others. He recognizes how difficult it is for his true self to shine through out of fear of being rejected, which makes his relationship with the clown that much more complicated as this defense mechanism has taken over in many situations for far too long. He challenges everyone to try to figure out what others actually do like about you and insists on pushing himself to put who he is out there more frequently in the hopes of altering the perception of those who may only have seen him one way over time.
In Episode #12, Billy Donnelly struggles with his own crisis of self-identity, which is a direct result from his natural desire to want to be liked. After putting himself out there so long as this persona he believed made it easier for him to be accepted and embraced by others, he is having a hard time answering the question "Who am I really?" He ponders where one's true self ends and the person we publicly put into the world begins, as he examines his lack of self-confidence in allowing who he believes he is to be enough for others. He discusses our defense mechanisms in being judged and trying to tip the scales in our favor to be liked, but also talks about the damage and long-term ramifications that come from feeling as if you've lost yourself or that no one knows who you actually are.
In Episode #11, Billy Donnelly examines his need for validation and the problems this addiction of sorts has created in his life over the years. After discovering his Love Language - Words of Affirmation - it seemingly explained so much of his behavior as it relates to what he needs back from his relationships with other people. However, over time, validation becomes like a drug of sorts where what you have is not good enough and you are constantly chasing the high of someone else's approval. Billy looks at recent work situations, in addition to his own relationships at home, to tell the story of how destructive constantly trying to fulfill this need can be and the regrets that come with it.
In Episode #10, Billy Donnelly lays the groundwork for future conversations by introducing the concept of Gary Chapman's Love Languages: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. Throughout the show, Billy explores what each language entails and how each may fulfill the needs of those who fit into each category. He explains the importance of understanding each, in order to better communicate what we need to feel loved as well as what we may need to give for others to feel the same. Furthermore, he dives into his primary love language and how it correlates to some of the struggles he's dealt with over the years as well as the self-destructive behavior he's exhibited when it hasn't been met. Discovering one's Love Language can be a building block for figuring how the love you seek to receive and what you need to give in all relationships, and so Billy uses that here as a set-up for what's to come on Getting Old Quickly.
In Episode 9, Billy Donnelly decides to answer a question he was asked about anxiety, depression and, in general, mental health being so taboo amongst men. That leads to a deeper discussion about toxic masculinity: what it is, how it affects those issues and how we begin to address it. He talks about the misconceptions of toughness, strength, weakness and vulnerability that become problematic for mental and emotional growth, in addition to the pushback a man is likely to face when trying to open up about their emotions. He looks at our ideas of what we think a man is and challenges us to consider what we want a man to be.
In Episode 8, Billy Donnelly tells of a recent bout with PTSD. Throughout the show, he dives into the story of his dismissal from a prior workplace (Ain't It Cool News) and the mistreatment he experienced on the way out. He explores all the feelings he went through as a result and thought that he'd been able to move on. That is until a name from the past resurfaced in the last few weeks, bringing with all sorts of negative feelings about that ordeal and re-opening the wound. He then discusses the prevalence of PTSD in our everyday lives and how easily it is to trigger memories of past trauma at a moment's notice. (The names of those involved have not been changed, because there is no need to protect the guilty.)
In Episode 7, Billy Donnelly has to deal with the fallout of a longtime friend dropping "All Lives Matter" on him. He examines the disappointment of being hit with such a revelation from someone he thought he knew. He also looks at the idea of being colorblind to race, namely where the idea came from and why it's proven to be quite problematic over time. In addition, he talks about challenging the graduating class of his high school, particularly those who drape themselves in the greatness of the school while conveniently ignoring one of the school's core principles - social justice - during the current movement for racial equality. Plus, he discusses having to talk with his kids about recent events and introducing ideas of racism and police mistreatment to them in order to lay the groundwork for future conversations. In addition, he touches on a recent conversation he had with a childhood friend about expectations for police interaction, given their different backgrounds, and how that made him feel. Finally, he stresses the need to challenge others right now and to do better.
For Episode #6, Billy Donnelly decides to postpone the originally-planned show in order to discuss his feelings surrounding the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis and the resulting protests/riots in Minnesota and across the country. He talks about his support for the Black Lives Matter and the skin he has in the game in fighting for racial equality and against racial injustice. He gets into our need for understanding and empathy as we aim to listen and learn from the experiences of black people during these times, in order to contextualize what has led to various forms of protest taken. He also tries to relate the regular anxiety we feel in our lives to what someone black must handle daily. In addition, he calls out All Lives Matter as nonsense and explains why it's not the thing anyone should be saying, in addition to relaying several stories from his own life and the impact they had on his views of race in the United States. Furthermore, he talks to the allies and tries to direct them on what they can do to be a help right now at a time when so many are hurting, while imploring them to explore their own feelings as things continue to develop.
In Episode #5 of Getting Old Quickly, Billy Donnelly talks about his fondness for those younger days when he felt accepted by his peers. However, that doesn't mean he was an angel as a kid and carries with him some guilt over all this time for actions and behaviors towards others from his childhood. Here, he details how he has tried to make amends over time to those he may have wronged, how those interactions have played out, what he hopes to get out of it and the results of a recent conversation he had with the last person he felt he needed to apologize to.
In Episode #4, Billy Donnelly explores the role of work in people's lives, and ultimately arrives at the conclusion that you are not your work. Your work is not what defines you. You are more than what you put into a company during your shift, and it's now more important than ever to focus on the things that are truly important in your life... because, while work may help give you a sense of purpose, there is so much more that reflects who you are as a person that your productivity, efficiency and output.
In Episode 3, Billy Donnelly begins to dig into the type of friendships that exist within his life, and what he finds lacking in the quality relationships he continues to seek. The importance of two-way friendships is discussed, in addition to the difficulties of making friends as an adult and the loneliness that comes from those struggles.
For Episode #2, Billy Donnelly really dives into the main core value of Getting Old Quickly: you can only control that which you can control. Unfortunately, we cannot control the actions or behaviors of others. We can only handle what it is that we do, and, once we put that into perspective for us, it's a lot easier to find a degree of peace.
Episode #1 of Getting Old Quickly gets off the ground with host Billy Donnelly laying out what the purpose and mission of the show is meant to be. It’s explained that this podcast is less about “back in the day” and much more about self-improvement, mental health and learning from our experiences to find some perspective as we get older.