Crappy Friends: Recent Episodes
Crappy Friends
An advice podcast for females of all ages! Crappy Friends discusses female friendship: the good, the bad, the ugly. Bestselling authors (and best friends) Kristan Higgins and Joss Dey talk about common red flags, difficulties in friendship, how to overcome difficulties and when to ditch your crappy friend. Female friendship at its best brings immeasurable value to your life. At its worst, it can be heartbreaking. Tune in, and send your letters to TheLadies@CrappyFriends.net
One last letter, and, appropriately, on a topic the Ladies have yet to cover. As we ride off into the sunset, we want to say a heartfelt thanks to all who've listened, written and shared their embarrassing personal problems. It's been a blast.
You've been friends for ages, but sometimes, you're not invited to things. Other times you are. But why aren't you on the inner circle? Are they mean girls, or are you just being a drama queen? The Ladies discuss in their second-to-last episode.
You adore her…it's her new love you can't stand. Do you say something? How do you suffer through evenings with him? As we wind down the podcast, the Ladies are joined by the Princess!
You're just getting settled into your adult life: marriage, family, career. The problem is, your bestie is flailing. She hates her job, her relationship, doesn't know what she wants and complains about the same things over and over. But you love her, you've had so many good times, and you don't want to lose her. It's just that your lives are so different now. The Ladies weigh in, plus an epic Embarrassing Personal Problem as we enter into the last few episodes of our podcast.
She's been your best friend for years now…but she seems to have all the answers to life's deepest questions. Your life's deepest questions, that is. When you don't take her advice, she tells you you're wrong. Time to cut the cord, or is it worth trying one more time?
She's been a great friend until she says a few things about your family. Your kids. Your marriage. How do you handle this? Are friends allowed to judge each other, and if so, when? Kristan shares her latest humiliation in hot yoga, and Joss laughs at her. Again.
Your mediocre friend sent your husband a message. Do you A) get your broadsword and drive to her house; B) email everyone she works with and tell them she's after your man; or C) take a good look at what's really behind this rage? The Ladies discuss…and have an announcement.
You're invited out. You politely decline, and suddenly, you're a horrible person. Our first letter discusses what to do with the frustration that comes from…well…other people being jerks. But the second is from a thoughtful friend, wondering how to stop her close, loving pal from always offering a solution that's worked for someone else. Plus, Joss's foray with a personal trainer and the shocking amount of sweat she can produce.
Oh, the difficulty of teenage friendship! As a parent, how much do you intervene when a mean girl comes after your kid? Do you talk to her parents? Was…horrors…your kid actually the mean kid? The Ladies discuss!
She's been your best, best friend since you were ten years old, and now she's getting married. And you're not her maid of honor. Is bridesmaid good enough? Why is she nicer to other friends? Are you the doormat, or are you maybe a little too needy? The Ladies discuss how different perspectives on childhood friendships can change everything.
She was the only one who stood by you during a tough time…and then her life went into the toilet. You're her emergency contact, she's got one disaster after another, now she's in the ICU (or not) and she's a THERAPIST, too. How the Ladies love a beautifully formatted novel!
Two letters ask if they've done the right thing the right way when a friendship goes stale. Dogs vs. cats, plus Joss's epic, never-to-be-topped embarrassing personal problem.
Is it possible to be friends with a sister who's always in some kind of crisis? You grew up together, you love each other, but damn it, you're tired of the latest installment in the soap opera. But what about the family at large? They want everyone to get along. The Ladies discuss at length, and Joss, no longer a model of grace and elegance, shares her Embarrassing Personal Problem.
The Ladies tackle three letters about three very interesting and different topics and bask in the glow of listener compliments.
Your friend group is well-heeled, and you've participated in some events. But now the financial strain of hanging out with this crowd is starting to show. Can a balance be found? Are these true friends, or just a gang of lobster-eating, champagne-drinking people you know?
You're great and wonderful friends with a guy (yeah, we know, we know). You make each other funnier and smarter. Then tragedy strikes…and he backs off. Even worse for the friendship, you turn your tragedy into success, and he drops off the damn face of the earth. What the what?
The Ladies are back from summer hiatus! This week, we discuss four short letters on dealing with friendship issues, encourage you to resend your letters if we haven't covered them yet, and why O'Hare is the most exhausting airport in America (and possibly the best).
In this episode, we have two letters from women who are wondering if the time required to maintain the friendship (that is, appease the difficult "friend") is worth it. Based on the use of air quotes, you can imagine the Ladies' response. Plus, one of our Hall of Fame Embarrassing Personal Problems.
She's got a pattern, and yep, it came around to you. Then you dated/married one of her pals, and it seemed like she wanted to reestablish contact. Or not. Hubby in the middle, awkwardness abounds, a high school reunion is coming up! How best to handle the potential drama? The Ladies weigh in!
There's no drama mama like a theater drama mama! Two friends, their two daughters, auditions and vacations! Pettiness abounds, and you can't help feeling hurt that you're being let go. Is it because your daughters are competing for the same roles? Or was she always kind of cut-throat? The Ladies discuss and suggest ways to deal with friends in competition and still be super classy.
Your friend was great…until she went through some health struggles and can't seem to focus on anything but negativity. Is there a way to adjust course? Plus, one of the best embarrassing personal problems ever!
Your friendship deteriorated, and you're over it…theoretically. But you still run into her, and when you do, she takes up way too much mental space. The Ladies discuss how to break this rumination habit and share their own experiences with the same issues.
It can be a dawning realization…this friend of yours with whom you've shared plenty of good times isn't mentally well. First comes the quirkiness, or the hurt feelings, or the ghosting. Strange requests, asks for more help than you're qualified to give. How do you help a friend in this situation? Should you try? The Ladies discuss, have a rare disagreement and talk about what our roles are when someone is in crisis.
You've been friends for a long time with this life-of-the-party pal, but for the past few years, she's gotten clingier, weirder and more demanding. And now she's preggers. What's your role in this friendship?
Two letters this episode with a common theme…the letter writer is the piece that doesn't fit. What can one do? Should one even try? The Ladies discuss over a glass of sauvignon blanc.
You've been friends for decades, and you've watched, time and time again, as she shoots herself in the foot with bad choices. Men, money, tattoos…and she vents about these choices to you, but never takes your advice. Honey, the Ladies have been there! Also, another letter writer talks about her quiet life without a superclose girlfriend and how she's pretty dang happy anyway.
You were young. She liked him, he liked you, you liked him, she said sure, go for it and ick. Now you are in a hot mess, mature enough to own how skanky you were, wondering if you can salvage a friendship with a truly good person, despite the past. The Ladies have MUCH to say, and the Princess weighs in with her preternatural wisdom.
It's that time of life when your mom needs more of a social life than she has. Otherwise, it's you on the phone with her sixteen times a day. The Ladies offer suggestions for both parties.
She's in your friend group…and she goes out of her way to make you feel dumb, invisible or unwelcome. What does a woman do? Outclass her! The Ladies lay out a plan to make you look great and her look exactly how she is: abrasive.
You were colleagues. Then you got a promotion, she left the company, but it still seemed like you were friends…except she's undermining you from afar. You make some good decisions but still somehow manage to get ground under her heel. The Ladies weigh in, and Kristan changes her mind.
We've all had that friend who needs so much…and it's exhausting. Are you stuck with her for life? Nope! The Ladies give specific instructions on what boundaries are and how to enforce them.
Work friend getting a little clingy? Not in this case. The Ladies urge our letter writer to call in the big guns and get this dealt with. Also, a letter complaining about texting in friendships and how misleading that can be. Joss discusses intestinal issues and shares a wonderful story about the same.
She was a crappy friend, and you dumped…but you can't stop thinking about her, and it's driving you crazy. She's taking up way too much of your mental energy, even now. The Ladies discuss techniques on cleaning out your head after a break-up.
You know she'll pitch a fit when she finds out she's not in the wedding party, and you're not happy about it. Hurting someone's feelings goes against the grain, but MAN, you have good reason not to include her. Once again, Kristan's daughter joins in for the Gen Zennial perspective and shares her own embarrassing personal problem.
A juicy letter about a birthday weekend gone wrong in so many ways! The Ladies get all fired up with our special guest, Kristan's daughter, aka the Princess, who provides the youth (ish) perspective. Salty language is tossed around, plus advice on dealing with passive aggressive behavior.
The Ladies lie in this podcast, telling you there are two letters when there are only one. Nevertheless, we discuss what you can reasonably expect in a friendship, when trying to be helpful can backfire and being able to trust that you're enough just the way you are.
She was your friend and colleague, and you did your best to look the other way at her occasional petty behavior…until she outright stole from you. You're gutted and furious and bereft. The Ladies understand.
You've been frenemies for years, connected by family, location and mutual friends. But whatever you like, she likes more. Whatever you do, she learns to do better. You get a black cat, she gets a black cat. Is there any way to stop her from imitating your life, or at least, any way to stop being infuriated by her copycat ways?
You make a friend. She had a baby. You get preggers. She tells you exactly what to do, see, think, feel…and some of her ideas are whack. She tortures you with her bizarre theories and cult-like devotion to the friend du jour. Nevertheless, you find yourself…missing her.
The Ladies read two letters this week in a burst of enthusiasm and energy! When you've been ghosted by a friend without explanation, is it okay to ask around to get an answer? Also, what happens when you deeply love a friend, but she's become…boring?
You're having a baby, and you don't want to become that mom who complains about…well, everything…to your childless by choice pals. How do you make sure you're still a good friend? Or maybe you've moved back to your partner's hometown, but all the ladies are friends already, and you feel left out. The Ladies have lots to say!
She acts like you're best friends, but you've never given her any reason to think that, aside from basic common courtesy. You can't ghost her completely, because you work for the same company. How can you get the message through without being downright mean? Also, Kristan shares about a surprise package one of her readers received.
You were all friends, more or less, but now the other two are freezing you out. Was it something you said? Did? How can you live peacefully after being told they're just not that into you? In our second letter, the Ladies discuss a work friendship gone wrong, cliques and expectations.
You've been there for her through thick and thin, cheered for her, celebrated her…and when you need a little of that from her, there's…nothing. In this eloquent missive, our letter writer details a friendship that's kinda sorta weird, especially when it comes to her pal's husband…who was once in love with her. Oy! The drama!
You've had a best friend for almost your entire life, and she's been stellar. But tragically, she dies, and you and her sister bond in your shared grief. Then Sis lets something slip that throws you so off course you're utterly crushed and confused. The Ladies have a LOT to say on this letter, and not to worry, listeners. It's all positive.
Another "why did I spend so much time with this person?" letter, plus the reasons we latch onto people, even when it's clear they're not good for us. The Ladies discuss the pressures and ideals that make women think they MUST have a BFF, and what can be wrong with this picture.
A complicated letter about a shy woman who finally makes a best friend, only to have her partner become more and more uncomfortable with the friendship. The Ladies discuss what seems to them to be a good friend and a potentially dangerous romantic relationship. TW: Isolating behavior bordering on abuse
Theoretically, we WANT to be that person who's like a cool auntie to our friend's kid. In reality…well. If you're wondering how to get out of that kindergarten graduation party of baby shower you just don't want to attend, listen up. The Ladies also discuss their casual style tips (pockets) and hints for avoiding unwanted guests (crawling).
Your best friend is getting married, and you're her maid of honor! It's lovely…but here's the thing. You recently started dating someone she once dated way back in high school, and now you're getting some weird vibes from the bride-to-be. How do you handle this without damaging a very precious friendship? The Ladies are confident it will all be well in the end (and if we're wrong, we definitely want to hear that story, too).
In which there is much cackling from the Ladies as they read an epic letter from a woman who can't seem to find a friend without some serious baggage, including but not limited to conspiracy theories and aliens. Why does she attract this type of pal? How can she pay more attention to the red flags earlier? And, more importantly, how can she find friends who are more balanced? Or does she really want that at all? The Ladies discuss, Joss is tipsy and suggestions are meted out nevertheless.
Oh, the many juicy problems with "Grace," not her real name! She's competitive, judgey, holier-than-thou…and the thing is, you adore her grown daughter, and vice versa! Can you sidestep the mom and just be friends with the now-adult girl you watched grow up? The Ladies think yes…but tread carefully.
In this episode, a caring friend is concerned her friend is getting TOO much therapy from too many sources while she seems to grow less and less happy. Does she speak up? Can she help in any way? Or should she just mind her own business?
You and your friend find yourself living in the same city. Problem is, you don't party like you used to, are trying to clean up your act and be an adult, and you're not sure this friend is going to help the cause. Does this mean you should gently part ways, or can this friendship survive in other ways? The Ladies weigh in, and Joss overshares her recent lip fungus.
TW: This episode deals with unwanted touching and intoxication. The National Sexual Assault Hotline number is 1-800-656-4673. What is the role of a friend when you're drunk and in a bad situation? What kind of reaction should a good friend offer? What expectations should you have in a crisis of this nature?
She's in your friend group, this bitter, angry, self-centered drama queen, and she's telling you where and when you can show up and what the consequences will be if you disobey. Call the police? Or talk to the other friends? The Ladies recommend the latter with what we think is a pretty awesome solution.
You love your boyfriend, but you can't stand his friends…and especially his friend's baes, who seem to go out of their way to make you feel unwelcome. Really, really unwelcome. What do you say to your honey about the tricks, nastiness and exclusion you're dealing with? Is there a way to be friends with this pack of jackals?
Whoo-whee! The in-fighting, the ignored birthdays, the gossiping and bitchery in this neighborhood make the Ladies bang our heads against the table. This letter writer and her friends give female friendship a bad name. Deliciously bad behavior all around!
How much consideration should your friends give you when you feel you're ultra-sensitive? How can you avoid feeling hurt and rejected when the issue may actually be a scheduling conflict and nothing more? The Ladies discuss how to avoid FOMO and that feeling of rejection when you're not included or just can't make it to an event.
Note to Selves: If you feel yourself wanting to scream, "Shut up, ____!!!!" during a conversation with a friend, it's generally not a good sign. The Ladies get the giggles over this one, and Kristan shares another wardrobe malfunction in front of an innocent man.
Ah, youth. Sometimes, they just don't know what to say (same is true with adults, of course). The Ladies weigh in on "Van-Nessing" a friend who recently came out and talk about how to negotiate those awkward waters when you're friends with both people and everyone is uncomfortable.
You've been friends for more than two decades. Promises have been made. And then comes the wedding…ouch. The Ladies discuss what constitutes a promise, what friends owe each other in hard times and the honest truth about weddings.
We all have been a turning points in our lives when making new friends is necessary…a move, a new job, new interests. Sometimes, it just magically comes together over time. Other times, it's harder. Female friendship is such an intrinsic part of life, and without it, you can feel quite lonely and, well, a little broken without your besties or your pack. The Ladies read one such letter and offer advice…especially, like all good things, true friendship takes time. Plus, a follow-up letter on how stepping back can make for a better relationship.
We all know narcissists and have wasted far too much time figuring out they really don't care about anyone but themselves. However, it can be hard to see the warning signs before you've wasted time and energy on this particular kind of vampire. The Ladies also read a follow-up letter from a woman whose narcissist person was her sister, and how she finally and definitively cut ties. You go, sister!
In this episode, a letter writer gives us an example of friends (and strangers) acting differently post-pandemic: insults, exclusion and in one case, unlawful harassment. Kristan and Joss also discuss their worsening wardrobe criteria for the outside world.
**TW: This episode deals with anorexia.
National Eating Disorder Hotline: 1-800-931-2237**
You adore your roommate for so many reasons…but she's got anorexia, and you're terrified it's getting worse. The Ladies bring in real-life psychologist Dr. Khaleesi to address this complicated, difficult issue; self-care when a loved one suffers from an eating disorder; and some strategies to discuss in a kind and compassionate way.
It's sadly come to this. One friend is too needy, and the other friend is at the brink. But the friendship is/was so great, the person is just fabulous…but the endless neediness is breaking her. The first in a female/male friendship for the Ladies!
You've been friends--BEST friends--for years, but now it seems like you're getting to be the third wheel, because Bestie has found someone new. And she's not always super nice, either. Can this friendship still work? Can it be fixed, or should it be left behind, and how will you know which to try? The Ladies discuss, and Kristan shares the mystery of the missing white strip.
When you grow up with narcissistic parents, it's hard to get out of the habit of catering to everyone's needs but your own. And then, when your own child, now grown, seems to be taking your help and love for granted, it's hard to know how to deal with that, too. The Ladies discuss the difficulties of being honest with a grown child, sticking up for yourself, and, in an epic #EmbarrassingPersonalProblem, the dangers of self-tanning spray.
What is it about friend groups that can be so complicated? Why are we so territorial sometimes? What happens when we like some in the group but not others? Barby Ingle shares her wisdom with the Ladies, as well as her personal experience with chronic pain and how it affects friendships.
Does she like you? Does she like you not? Once, you were soul sisters, but now the message is mixed. She takes forever to return texts, then invites you out for an awkward dinner. Is she jealous of your new passion in life? Are you jealous of hers? The Ladies discuss, plus a follow-up letter from someone with a crappy sister!
It's been a wonderful friendship. The problem is, she's struggling these days, financially and otherwise, and you're doing GREAT. You want to help her, give her money, shore up her self esteem, but you don't want to overstep. The Ladies discuss how to be helpful without alienating her. Also, adventures in underwear sightings for our Embarrassing Personal Problems.
You've done the hard work of cleaning up your act and understand your crappy childhood, and you're doing great…except when those two friends are around. You've changed, they haven't, and maybe this long friendship can be tweaked, or maybe it should head for the graveyard.
Do you always seem to attract the wrong kind of friend? What is it about you that keeps you investing in friendships that don't make you happy? Danielle Ingenito talks about energy and how you can adjust yours to attract the right kind of person. This also explains Joss's eternal question: Why does everyone want to be my friend? It's her mojo, baby! It all makes so much sense after hearing Danielle speak!
This friend and you have history…a really good history! But something's changed or shifted, and you want to get back on track and feel close again. Is it possible? YES, say the Ladies! We outline and discuss the steps to fix the fixable and become, perhaps, closer than ever.
Whoo, that question! We've all wondered if WE are the problem and how responsible we might be for hurt feelings. This letter writer asks the eternal question: "Was it me?" The Ladies discuss, and Kristan once again overshares her embarrassing personal medical issues.
Why do we put up with a crappy friend for SO LONG? Why do we keep giving them chances? An epic tale of red flags and insults, followed by a tale of the Mean Coworker and how to handle her. Plus, Joss is due for another pedicure. Soon, salons will have her photo at the front desk…
Two's company, three is maybe a stalker. Are you terrified one friend will freak out if you go out without her? Is your friend having to sneak away to see you? What the hell is that about, anyway? The Ladies discuss this and another letter in which being left out, or wanting to leave someone else out, is at the forefront.
Okay, so that funny mean friend finally turned on you…and you learned it from a pretty nice friend. But she's still hanging out with the mean girl, so can you trust her? The Ladies discuss, plus another Adventure in Waxing from Kristan, who is too cheap to go to a place and let the professionals do their thing.
You're just not that into her, and she has no radar for this kind of thing. She's perfectly nice if a little intrusive (or a lot intrusive), and you don't want to hurt her feelings, but COME ON, LADY! GET THE HINT! The Ladies discuss this and receive a most touching letter about great friendship in a time of need.
When your sister pees on your parade at every opportunity, then tells you you're too sensitive, is it possible to come to terms with her? ARE you too sensitive? The Ladies discuss! Plus, an Embarassing Personal Pregnancy Problem, our first of its kind!
You've been part of a friend group for years…and now there's that problem person. Can you talk to her about it and avoid hurt feelings? Um…probably not, but you might have to talk anyway. Special guest this week: The Princess weighs in with her millennial wisdom and shares tips on not visiting Mexico in monsoon season.
You have a piece of information from Friend A. But Friend B, who is much closer to Friend A, hasn't been let in on the news! Awkward, yes. What's your role here? Also, an epic Embarrassing Personal Problem from Joss, who can never go back to that place. Ever.
Why doesn't she get the hint that the friendship is over? Maybe because you keep reaching out! Who's to blame in this extremely crappy friend dynamic? Plus, an Embarrassing Personal Problem for the ages.
Two letters this week, listeners! One: her oldest friend keeps "rescheduling." Is this a red flag or an easy conversation? Two: Does Daisy really disapprove of Cat Hair Lady's wardrobe and style, or is Cat Hair Lady the one who's judging herself? Plus, Kristan tries to break into another car.
Is it possible to tell someone you've outgrown them and still have SOME kind of relationship? How hard to you try to maintain even a thread with someone you've grown away from? The Ladies discuss, plus a fabulous EPP, complete with hand gestures.
The Ladies rapid-fire version! Three questions, lots of answers, plus Joss's adventures with her hoof-like feet! Brought to you by Kensington Books, www.Kensington.com
When one friend burns you, it's hard to believe there are good people out there. Why DO you pick crappy friends? Is this a pattern? Oh, boy, do the Ladies have a discussion on this topic! Brought to you by Kensington Books, www.Kensington.com
Lordy, yes, child. So much has happened in your life, and throughout it all, your bestie has stuck by you. But now her life seems to be moving forward, and you're feeling a little stuck. Should she be more sympathetic and attuned to your life, or is your perspective a bit skewed? The Ladies bring in podcast guest stars Dr. Khaleesi and Mara of the Marble Islands and Countertops to discuss. Plus, a "caught on Zoom" embarrassing personal problem!
Girlfriend crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed…so what do you do when you find yourself lying in bed, fuming? You were there for her in her time of need, big time, and when you need support, she vanishes. Plus, Kristan bungles a word, which Joss will never let her forget.
Of course, we want to be there for our friends, and we return those texts quickly…but where do you draw the line? And how can you tell if the friendship is slipping into a bad place? Can it be salvaged? Plus, Kristan's latest debacle with body hair!
It was a long and fairly horrible "friendship"...but even so, you can't stop thinking about it. Sure, you're better off now, but what if she wants to pick it up again? Do you have any obligations? Why is she taking up so much mental space, and what can you do? The Ladies have suggestions!
It happened…despite your best intentions, YOU were the mean girl. You drifted down that road, got caught, apologized…but how the heck did you end up being the bitchy one? What were the signs it was a bad path, and how can you forgive yourself for descending to (cough) her level?
What DOES one do when one's sister has your parents by the short hairs? When being the good daughter gets you squat, and you get all the blame for not being the bigger person? The Ladies offer advice on how to free up brain space and stop obsessing, and discuss reptilian winter skin as well!
Happy New Year! This week's letter discusses how one person only discovered compassion for her friend's situation after going through some dark times of her own. Plus, a beautiful letter about the power of female friendship that will touch your heart!
How do you handle the slow ghosting from an old and dear friend? Is there way to check in without being obnoxious when you're legitimately concerned about her mental and physical health? Plus, the Ladies discuss how to be merry and bright with your pals in a year when getting together just isn't safe.
How to encourage a friend new to the country to engage and take advantage of a gap year PLUS dealing with a bit of jealousy when a friend gets all the sympathy PLUS Kristan's most pathetic Thanksgiving story ever.
You're a good friend, always ready to do a favor or be kind…but you get the feeling you're more of a servant than a trusted and cherished pal. Have you chosen the wrong person, or would an honest conversation solve the problem? The Ladies discuss…and get choked up over a beautiful testament to friendship from one of our listeners.
A young woman has trouble not overwhelming people with her desire to make them like her and wonders how to be a good friend to herself and combat her insecurities. Kristan messes up the intro for the first time ever, and Joss cackles. Plus, a lovely letter about Crappy Friends the Book!
Why you need to read Crappy Friends, the Book, and why you should give it to every girl and woman you know!
You have some physical and neurological issues that might make it harder to find your peeps, especially in the time of COVID, and need more than one person to be there for you. The Ladies offer suggestions that apply to us all, really, as well as resources that might be helpful. Plus, another installment of the Happy Friends section of our show!
One of the more difficult issues the Ladies have addressed: how do you help a friend with an addiction? Is there a role for you? Why did you pick her as a friend, and what do you do now? Plus, a listener offers a different perspective on one of our earlier episodes.
You're getting married and all is butterflies and sunshine…except your maid of honor seems less than thrilled. Plus, your fiance doesn't seem crazy about her, and she's been your bestie for ages. Plus, Kristan overshares about the hideous results of an injury whilst pretending she's crafty.
It's wonderful to have a work friend…but once you start becoming close, things can blur. What if the friendship changes, but you still have to work with her? The Ladies discuss that, and Kristan's potential tattoo, no matter what her kids say.
You love this friend, but she's been flailing at the same problems for years and years, and it's wearing your soul thin. Is there any way to help her? To be friends knowing her life probably won't change, no matter how much she claims to want that? Joss is on FIRE with great advice as Kristan nods in agreement.
How do you confide in friends about the most personal problems? From fertility to deflowering, the Ladies discuss how to take a step closer to friends in times of need, and recognizing when friends are just there to watch a train wreck.
This week, the Ladies take on two letters where the answers are clear: how to support a great friend in a crappy situation; and when it's A-okay to drop a friend who's crossed a line. And such a line it is!
When is a friendship actually damaging? Is it possible that YOU are the toxic friend? Are some friends worth putting up with, even if you don't really enjoy them most of the time? Plus, an epic #EmbarrassingPersonalProblem read by Joss with glee.
You meet a friend in a group. You get along great…until another group member starts laying claim to who gets to be friends with whom. We've all experienced it! The Ladies offer advice on navigating group dynamics and bring in fan favorite Yara of the Marble Islands and Countertops for color commentary and sage advice. Plus, the lengths Kristan will go to woo her orthopedist in Embarrassing Personal Problems.
Oh, not in THAT sense, you pervs! No, no...this is a case of a friend who lives in hygienic standards that are far below your normal, and what many would consider squalor or hoarding. Do you say something? Offer to help? Why would someone choose to live like this? The Ladies seek help from their friend and cleaning expert, Yara of the Marble Islands and Countertops.
What's a woman to do when the friendship pool is shallow at best? When all the alliances have already formed, and, truth be told, there just doesn't seem to be anyone you want to be friends with in the first place? The Ladies discuss how to find that needle in a haystack, look for signs of potential connection and how to create opportunities to find like-minded people. Plus, an epic Embarrassing Personal Problem that leads to a history lesson on the maxi-pad.
We always talk about establishing good boundaries, but what does that really mean? What are the words that you use? In another Chardonnay edition, the Ladies talk about missteps that can be made when boundaries aren't made clear. Plus, oversharing on periods, as one does.
It was great…until it wasn't. You all met with a shared interest, life event or profession, but after a while, things changed. How do you leave a group whose members have supported and cheered for you? How can you keep some of those friends while stepping away from others? Joss and Kristan discuss the pros and cons of being direct and, conversely, taking the easy way out. Plus, an embarrassing personal problem that will make Joss's neighbors watch out for Kristan's car.
Life in a small town means everyone knows your business, and everyone has an opinion. What happens when your friend's decisions have a ripple effect on you, your family or other friends? When does expressing concern become gossip? Plus, Kristan and Joss praise each other for getting dressed and other small victories from the pandemic.
You like this friend quite a lot! That is, until a few mistruths start showing up in her narrative. Is she trying to keep up with you? Is this a red flag? Should you care as much as you do? The Ladies discuss, and Joss confesses to the depths she'll sink (or perhaps rise) to living in a house full of boxes post-move. Also, why does car driven by Kristan's mom's have fur in the grille?
The Ladies depart from their usual jocularity to discuss the complexities of friendship with someone in an abusive relationship. Using resources from the National Domestic Abuse website (www.thehotline.org/), they discuss how to keep an open door to a friend in a terrible situation, and how to take care of yourself as you do. If you or a loved one is in an abusive relationship, there is help! Call 800 799 7233 (800 799 SAFE), or call 911 if your safety is in imminent danger.
It's bad enough being in lockdown these days, and then you find your friends are socially distancing without you! The Ladies discuss group dynamics, especially high school friend groups. Plus, a horribly relatable Embarrassing Personal Problem. (Apologies for the slight echo…we're podcasting remotely and working on the glitches!)
How can you take care of your friendships during this pandemic? How can you feel less alone when you ARE alone? The Ladies discuss ways to stay close and keep a sense of humor during this scary time.
Are you tired of hanging out and doing the same things? The Ladies have tips to invigorate those friendships, because, just like a romantic situation, friendships can fall into a rut. Not if we can help it!
What happens when your friend seems to be rubbing her newfound financial security in your face? Is the bitch showing off, or is she just enjoying life? The Ladies discuss what the difference is, and ten qualities that make a friendship healthy.
That sinking feeling when you lose your one and only gal-pal…because she chose a racist ass over you. And yet, you miss her. There were so many good times. How will you fill the gap? The Ladies discuss the hardship of losing a friend, the reality of crappy people and how to take care of yourself.
Your friend is great…except when she's talking about the lesser mortals who surround her. You KNOW she talks about you, too, and you're obsessed with what she might be saying. Is this a real friendship? How can you talk to her about it? Should you even try? Also, Kristan's nephew weighs in on her aging neck.
You've tried to be nice, kind, a good listener…but you can't seem to give it away. Why do some people have a harder time making friends? The Ladies discuss possible red flags you might be waving, methods of engaging, and how not to overwhelm someone with good intentions.
You like this woman, but she's dying to be your BFF…and you have your BFF. How to temper the perfectly nice friend who goes above and beyond the call in that uncomfortable way. Plus, the Ladies discuss pedicures and potential traps.
And by animals, we mean teenagers. In this age of cyberbullying and dangerously high teen suicide rates, what can you do to intervene? Is there any way to protect a kid you know who's going through a rough time? Our answers are as mom and aunties, not healthcare professionals. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
Oh, those group dynamics can be killer, especially when all the drama is unfolding right where you live! What is this, a Desperate Housewives reboot? Can't you just cut your lawn and yell at your kids in peace? Or should you move, as Joss suggests?
Your friend is great…much of the time. Some of the time. She has some good qualities, but things don't feel balanced. Maybe you want to end the friendship, but you're scared to dump her because she really has had her share of trauma. What if you push her into doing something drastic? What if the end of your friendship will be the straw that breaks her back? The Ladies discuss…plus…THE BEST EMBARRASSING PERSONAL PROBLEM IN HISTORY!
Apologies for the cut-off! Trying again... When your friend is on a dangerous, self-destructive path, what's your role as her friend? How can you help? Is it your job to save her? (Hint: No. Sorry. You can't.) The Ladies bring in professional psychologist Dr. Khaleesi (not her real name, but yes, her real credentials) to discuss how to maintain a friendship even when your pal is making bad decisions, and how to take care of yourself during this tough time.
An interesting episode in which our letter writer reveals much about herself and the mixed messages she's sending a friend she deems toxic. Oh, the tangled webs we weave when first we go out to lunch with someone! How can you be honest AND kind? When is the problem really you, and how can you tell? The Ladies bring in their favorite therapist, Dr. Khaleesi, and discuss this thorny situation.
Yeah, no. She's not your friend, because you have morals and decency. So what do you do when a friendly acquaintance outs herself as a bigot? How do you call someone on this? The Ladies have thoughts. Plus, one of the BEST Embarrassing Personal Problems since the Tale of the Lost Tampon.
You're off to college or grad school. How do you get started on making a new set of friends? The Ladies offer advice that's applicable to just about anyone starting from scratch.
You're the designated helper…you drive them to their appointments, cook when they're sick, loan them money, and yet when you need a favor, no one's around. The Ladies discuss how and when to help a friend, and when and how to say no, and your own responsibility when people take advantage of your good nature.
Why does there have to be a favorite? Your mom can't stop talking about how much better your sibling is…but what does she say to your sibling when you're not around? The fascinating dynamics that bubble over when someone stirs the pot. Plus, a follow-up from one of our most fascinating letters this year!
What do you do when a friend fails to pick up on your hints? And what do you do when a friend takes credit for things that don't involve her? The Ladies discuss the sometimes strange manifestations of good intentions, and how to learn to choose positivity over frustration.
Your friend is lovely, intelligent and kind…and her life is in the toilet all the freakin' time. You, on the other hand, have your act pretty much together. How do you create balance and avoid being an unpaid therapist? How can you avoid every conversation circling back to her endless problems while still being there for her? The Ladies discuss, plus a horrifying Embarrassing Personal Problem Kristan finally has the courage to describe.
A glimpse into the mind of "that" friend whose rough patch lasts longer than she wants it to…and how she recognized the drain this put on her friendships. The Ladies weigh in on coping mechanisms for both sides when a friend is flailing.
How do you stay friends with a couple after a divorce? What if you want to be friends with the new woman? Plus, hints for heaving dead groundhogs from your backyard, and how to stay cool in this weather!
Is it ever okay to walk away from a friendship without a word? Two letters ask the same question: Can I be done with her yet? But the Ladies are intrigued! Is that what our letter writers really want? Plus, Joss's dog, the infamous and fabulous Glory, scratches her itchy spots whilst the Ladies drink cheap Chardonnay and ponder life's difficult questions.
Sorry for the technical snafu! Once more, with feeling… You're all friends at work…except for that one person who kills everyone's happy vibe and messes with productivity. What do you do? What should you ask your boss? Are you required to like someone just because you work together? How far is "nice" supposed to go? The Ladies discuss, and Kristan talks about self-care, even when it sucks and you feel embarrassed.
What if you're mostly happy without friends? How do you explain that to people who might make overtures? The Ladies get a unique letter from a listener who sounds happy in her solitude but is afraid she might be missing out.
Learning to stand up for yourself in a firm, polite way is a life skill the Ladies WISH they'd learned in their twenties (or before). But it's not too late! Plus, what does one do with prechewed food? An #EmbarrassingPersonalProblem from a listener!
Friend overreacting? Not invited to a wedding? The Ladies take on some of the more straightforward friend questions, and Kristan admits an embarrassing fact (Joss is shocked. Shocked, we tell you).
What DOES one do when a friend can't stop bringing up her divorce years after the fact? When she cries if you mention your anniversary? When she brings all conversation back to her and her ex? A few brisk slaps? A gift certificate for counseling? The Ladies discuss compassion, compassion fatigue and when to take a friend aside for a little chat.
We all screw up. The Ladies break down the elements of an apology and why it can change take a friendship on life support and make it happy and healthy once more.
When your life circumstances change, shouldn't your friends stand with you through the tumult? They're not really judging you on a change in social status, are they? Could it be something else? The Ladies discuss patterns, support, compassion fatigue and Joss miraculously turns an Embarrassing Personal Problem into a moment of Grace, Poise and Elegance. As she does.
Such a direct question! The Ladies answer a young letter writer who sees red flags in a person but is also tied to them through a graduate program. How do you balance being a good classmate and also watch out that you don't get stuck in a toxic friendship? Plus, updates on Kristan's hideous leg, and some all-too-personal problems from Joss.
What makes us seek out friends who are almost guaranteed to hurt us? Who have a track record of ghosting, dropping friends, bad behavior? Is it, as the letter writer suggests, "the broken in me seeing the broken in you"? The Ladies discuss how to share some of the more difficult times of your life without info-dumping too early in a friendship, and being able to identify as more than a survivor or victim.
The Ladies hear back from some letter writers of episodes past with updates on their situations. Plus, a brave physical education teacher shares her #Embarrassing Personal Problem involving a condom and a missing, er…tool.
The slippery slope of friendship when money is a part of it. Years and years of devotion can disintegrate, just like that, and leave you shocked and hurt. The Ladies also discuss the overuse of certain words, like toxic and trigger. Plus, Kristan's sainted mother provides another #EmbarrassingPersonalProblem, bless her.
Why does your friend always assume you're too busy for her? Why does she say things like, "I know you're better friends with Dolores (not her real name)...are you sure you want to hang out with little old me?" Is it insecurity or an attention grab? Plus, Joss discusses her gains in Grace, Poise and Elegance (#GPE2019).
You've gone and done it, and you know it. Friends behaving badly, and in public no less. How can you come back from your less-than-finest moment(s)? The Ladies discuss sucking it up, the art of the apology, and reach back into Kristan's childhood for an Embarrassing Personal Problem.
Your friend has completely misunderstood something you said, and things are not as they once were. How can you come back from that? Should you try? Is there a hidden message here? Plus, Kristan discusses the difficulty of listening to a friend's sad story whilst also being desperate for the ladies' room in #EmbarrassingPersonalProblems, and Joss (irritatingly) continues her year of grace, poise and elegance.
Can you become close with someone you've never met? How do you transition from online pals to friends in real life? What if real life doesn't match up with your online image of a person? The Ladies discuss at length!
One of these friends is not like the other, and it's starting to irritate. When should you be concerned about a friend who doesn't seem to take care about how she looks? Does it matter? Plus, the Ladies discuss their own mothers and the lessons learned (or not learned) about presentation, and Kristan's fixation on being Tim Gunn's best friend.
Is everyone hanging out without you? Why? What did you do wrong? You've tried to be such a good pal, but there they are, and here you are. The Ladies discuss what might be going on. Plus, Joss's year of Grace, Poise and Elegance (GPE) continues as she manages not to fall down a creaky staircase.
Sometimes, you really like someone, but she's keeping you in the B-list friend zone. How to pick up on cues, address vague answers and see if maybe there's nothing wrong with a friend who's not your bosom buddy.
"It's the old wound, my king. It has never healed." Yes, yes, Kristan needs to stop watching Excalibur, it's true, but those old wounds can really suck, as Lancelot knows. And why? WHY? You were a good friend, and then she dumped you. Now you might run into her, and the thought makes quake in terror at the anticipated conversation. The Ladies offer advice, and Kristan talks about Econo-Shaving in #EmbarrassingPersonalProblems.
She raised the one you love…and yet she might be the end of your relationship and the start of your prison sentence. The Ladies discuss boundaries, passive-aggressiveness, holidays and the whole messy schmere.
Are your friends hanging out without you? Sometimes, absolutely. The Ladies discuss how to overcome FOMO, loving solitude, and the joys of NOT being there all the time. Plus, a listener shares her epic #EmbarassingPersonalProblem.
The Ladies have said it again and again: vetting a person before jumping into a friendship is NECESSARY, dude. But what does that mean? Using Kristan's anal-retentive checklist, the Ladies give you things to look for, things to do, and things to think about.
'Tis the season to be annoyed with your relatives! From a gassy great-uncle to the parents who can't stop overpraising your loser brother and the relative you've been taught to endure, we've got a lot to discuss!
You love this friend and she has so many great qualities…except she's a conversation hog, and the subject of her stories is always…her greatness. Is it possible to ask her to take it down a notch without destroying your friendship?
You land your dream job…and your friends, all in the same field, take umbrage with your famous boss (who may or may not be Tim Gunn). You're moving ahead and quite possibly opening doors for them; they're not having it. Plus, Kristan's phallic plants and Joss's horror of same.
You were the best friend she ever had…right until she dumped your ass. Why didn't she talk about it? Did you do something? What the hell, right? Can you get closure? Should you try? The Ladies offer sympathy and tips, and Kristan discusses why she can no longer wear jumpsuits in Embarrassing Personal Problems.
Could be! The Ladies and special guest Princess Jon Snow continue the Crappy Relatives letters. Maybe that sis isn't quite so evil… just a jealous, controlling, self-centered wretch. Plus, Joss's hints on body disposal!
She only wants to talk about celebrity gossip and reality TV (no judgment!)…but you and your group are moving forward, while she's stuck on the couch at her parents' house. Do you ditch her or give her a chance to try a little harder? The Ladies are joined by their first millennial guest, Princess Jon Snow, for added insight.
In keeping with the approach of the holidays, the Ladies are taking on crappy relatives with the help of psychologist Dr. Khaleesi (not her real name, but yes, her real job). Why is that we so often feel second best when with our families? Can we lob a piece of dry, tasteless turkey at them, or do we have to suck it up? Is wine the only answer? Tune in and find out!
You marry the person of your dreams…and get the sister-in-law of your nightmares. But you used to be friends! And now she hates you. How do you maintain your sanity, establish boundaries and stay out of jail? The Ladies are thrilled to take on the first in our holiday special series: Crappy Relatives.
Your pal isn't perfect (and neither are you). How do you manage a friend who's great some of the time, and kinda sorta crappy at others? Is there a way to keep the good and ditch the bad? The Ladies discuss, and Joss overshares about a recent massage parlor visit.
Your best friend--YOUR BEST FRIEND--doesn't just dump you...she paints you as the villain and cuts you out of your friend group. Just when you thought life was going to get better, you've been gutted. How do you start over when all you want is to back to the way things were? The Ladies offer advice, sympathy…and of course, an embarrassing personal problem involving Kristan's nostrils, just for you, our dear listeners.
What if we were as good and kind to ourselves as we are to our very best friend? The Ladies discuss self care, the big and the small, the difference between that and self numbing, and how practice makes perfect when it comes to making a better life for yourself. A must-listen after any rough week!
Has life hit you over the head with a baseball bat? Does everyone seem to have a better life than you? Girl, it happens. Rather than eat your emotions or make voodoo dolls of your friends, the Ladies have some suggestions on how to engage your besties without guilt and take baby steps to feeling better.
Dude, we all have one. What is it about those friends who bring every conversation back to themselves? Why do we put up with it? Can you fix them? Should you try? Maybe they're not bad people, but talking to them can be such a drain. How to deal…or not.
These are times that try the soul. Why can't everyone just elope? And yet, the Ladies love a good wedding. Tips on dealing with brides who turn to the Dark Side when planning their weddings, saving your own sanity, and not breaking the bank.
You love your friend. You're glad for her successes. It's just that you want them, too! Why does she get everything when you don't? It's not fair! The Ladies discuss how to deal with these perfectly normal thoughts.
What's better than a group of close friends? Nothing! Except when things don't go so well, or the girls are mean, or you have to ask someone to leave the gang. How to make sure your band of sisters doesn't turn into a blood bath of horror, plus drinkies, Kristan singing against everyone's will and Joss's tiara. Special guests Yara of the Marble Islands & Countertops, Dr. Khaleesi, Ph.D. (fake name, real creds) and author Anne Renwick.
Oh, the pitfalls of gossip! It's so delicious, sometimes necessary and a way of bonding…but it can go south fast. See what The Ladies have to say on the subject, and how they've been burned themselves.
So it's come to this: you really want to end the friendship. Why is it so hard? How can you be kind but also free yourself of a "friend" who brings nothing good to your life? The Ladies will talk about various ways to free up that space so you can fill it with good people.
What to do with that friend who's perfectly…meh. There's nothing horribly wrong, but is there anything great? What if the feeling isn't mutual, and you find yourself billed as her bestie when you just don't feel the same way? The Ladies offer their help…plus more embarrassing personal problems!
You've been there for her 100%, listening to her crisis, offering your shoulder to soak up her tears, taking her phone calls…and then, boom! She slams the door in your face. What did you do wrong?
Nothing. It's not about you, honey. It's about her and her issues. Listen to our special guest, Yara of the Marble Islands (you should see her kitchen countertops) as we dissect what happens when you know too much.
Here are ten ways good friends come through for each other. Are these the things you do for your pals? Do they do them for you?
Frenemies are those people who are nice on the surface but have ulterior motives for the friendship. Someone who gives us praise one moment, but spreads gossip about us the next. Someone we are never quite sure is on our side. Sometimes they are; sometimes they're not. You have a nagging feeling that they'll throw you under the bus at a moment's notice. and you're right; they will.
After a glass or two of California’s finest, Joss and Kristan discuss fictional female friendship (and the dearth thereof). Which TV character would they most want as their Chardonnay gal-pal, which movies and shows get it right, and how they both work to create strong female friendships in their books.
She isn’t a bad person and has many lovely qualities…but there are certain habits that stand in the way of a better friendship. It might be you, it might be her, but you can do better, gosh darn it! How to address the bad habits that gum up an otherwise solid relationship.
Did you ever have a friend who needed so much from you? At first, things seemed great. Magical, almost. Then, cruel reality sets in, and you see that your friend is a black hole, never satisfied, always hurt that you’re not there enough for her. How to spot the warnings signs, and how to avoid the love at first sight syndrome.
Some women are survivors…and some are in a perpetual state of suffering. No matter what, their problems are worse the yours, the universe is out to get them, and your job is to listen…not that you can make a difference. Special guest: Dr. Khaleesi (not her real name), Ph.D., (yes, her real credentials) helps deal with this not-a-bad-person-but-endlessly-draining friend.
Comparison is the thief of joy, said Teddy Roosevelt, and the man knew a thing or two. What’s the difference between wanting some of the same things your friends have and true envy? Have you ever been resentful of a friend’s success on any level…or have you ever been surprised when a friend isn’t so happy for you when good things happen?
Sure, she’s got her flaws…but you’re immune because of your super-special friendship and sister-like bond. Or not. Do you have a friend who's just mean? She says cruel yet hilarious things and seems to get her jollies talking trash? Think because you're besties this behavior doesn't apply to you? Brace yourself, honey. It's just a matter of time before her true colors show.
We women tend to fall into female friendships with a skip and a sparkle. Hooray! A new friend! But what happens months (or years) later when you find yourself enmeshed in a crappy friendship with someone you never would’ve connected with if you’d known her better? Episode 1 talks about seeing the red flags in a friendship before it’s a huge mess…or making excuses for them and finding yourself in a bog of negativity.