Find Your Voice: Recent Episodes
Aren Deu
Find your voice!A movement led by Aren Deu, to help you combat your excuses, take control of your life, write your own story and most importantly FIND YOUR VOICE!Whatever your current situation is telling you, it is not the end. It is just a chapter or page in your book of life. This podcast will interview people from all walks of life who have faced, anxiety, grief, death, loss, ups and downs, trials and tribulations but have found a way to persevere.It will demonstrate to you that with the right mindset and correct action you too can really start taking control of your life and finding your voice, in whatever arena that could be.Finding your voice is about showcasing your true self and making decisions for you, not to please others. It is a metaphor for finding your purpose in life and taking control of your life.It's always been a goal to change the world, but I can't do this alone. I need your help. Join the movement and let’s share our stories and voices.#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPONSOR!https://www.healthxcel.co.uk - Use Code FYV10 for 10% offBeating Stage 4 Cancer & Living in the Now"Life is a hell of a thing to happen to someone" By FahadCancer has ripped through many families across the world, including my own. But when I saw Fahads story of hope having beaten stage 4 cancer I had to bring him onto the podcast. It gave me a new lease of life and perspective once more and I am so grateful he bravely and so openly shared his story. He is now sharing his story openly and honestly on TikTok a platform, worth signing up for even if it is just to hear his story.Fahad is an amazing human being who deserves nothing but good health moving forward and I hope you can support him and more importantly live your life and be present in each moment, taking on the perspective he delivers so well in this episode.Links to me:YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/theanxiousinvestorWebsite: https://www.healthxcel.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/findyourvoicepodcast/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhPodcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribeShow sponsor (Use Code FYV10 for 10% off): https://www.healthxcel.co.ukLinks to Fahad Khan:Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@iamfahadvscancer?lang=en See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPONSOR!https://www.healthxcel.co.uk - Use Code FYV10 for 10% offDealing with Miscarriages and being told you can't have children - A mans perspective with Tristan Hardman-Dodd"Noone said it was going to be easy" By Tristan Hardman-DoddAs parents, future parents and people who love children and the idea of one day raising them, we can all take something away from this episode. Tristan bravely shares the miscarriages he and his partner have had to deal with, along with the devastating news that they won't be able to conceive and have a baby.There are no words that I can write here that can give as much impact as the words he speaks on today's podcast. I encourage you all to reach out to Tristan if you ever need to speak about such issues and know you are not alone, to blame and able to move past this, with time and healing.Links to me:YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcastWebsite: https://www.healthxcel.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/findyourvoicepodcast/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhPodcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribeShow sponsor (Use Code FYV10 for 10% off): https://www.healthxcel.co.ukLinks to Tristan:Instagram: https://instagram.com/speak_up_on_anxiety See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
The Spotlight effect - The spotlight effect is the phenomenon in which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are. Being that one is constantly in the center of one's own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others is uncommon. The reason for the spotlight effect is the innate tendency to forget that although one is the center of one's own world, one is not the center of everyone else's. This tendency is especially prominent when one does something atypical.Show sponsor (Use Code FYV10 for 10% off): https://www.healthxcel.co.ukJoe Dispenza Book:https://amzn.to/3dCArR0Episode on Perfectionism:https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoiceEpisode on forgiveness:https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqkBooks to buy:Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGqBuy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1jsBuy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZBuy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiLBuy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZSupport the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoicePodcast equipment recommended:Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcyRode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDpCameras:Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfIDCanon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkTNikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mNLogitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfWPodcast host (acast):Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeuLinks to me:YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/theanxiousinvestorWebsite: https://www.healthxcel.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/findyourvoicepodcast/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhPodcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribeTranscript:welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aaron do a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aaron do what's going on a run thank you so so much for tuning in to another episode of finding your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show so today I just want a few minutes of your time just to speak about something that I think is really really important and something that I actually do not it was a natural name for it maybe you don't know either and I think hopefully at least I hope and my fingers are crossed that the end of the next few minutes you're gonna know something that will hopefully change the trajectory of at least twenty twenty one but definitely your life what I want to speak about is the spot light effect now this is a term that's used by social psychologists to refer to the tendency that we won't have to over estimate how much other people notice about us in other words yes we tend to think there was a spotlight on us at all times highlighted all of our mistakes and floors for the world to see now if you happens I eat %HESITATION you over thank then the spotlight effect definitely pays as part of your day and it certainly paid his paw throughout many years of my own life so I'm telling you this well for a few reasons actually the first is that how do I always believe that the spotlight if it was true for myself and that seven billion people in the world we're constantly looking at me wait for me to make mistakes wait for me to start a way for me to say the wrong way it's for example there probably would've got started or anything one thing I hope for well the past lists there's a current listeners and hopefully future listeners as well you may stumble across this episode is that my life really really start to change when I ignore the spotlight effect in fact I just put myself out there and I knew that of course there was a chance that I could get ridiculed there's a chance that somebody could point out a flaw in the way that I am but I also knew and I'm able to improve %HESITATION said you that I'm comfortable at least of tried and one of the things I think many of us often don't do is you don't try is that fear of failure is that fair of what if but I tell you nine if I had to start for your voice they met some of the most incredible I know I mean incredible people in the boat and the podcast hadn't gone global and we had enough thanks to all your reviews and support reach the charts and I would be the person I am today I would be on you cheap shooting videos how can people invest in property become financially free I would be public speaking actually doing quite well as well so it's incredible what happens when you truly put yourself out there what I will say is the spotlight effect may happen one day especially if you hone your craft you become really great at it but by that time you'll be used to it and the spotlight effect will be deserved because you would have put the wicked I love it like I suppose this podcast initially the goal of people hearing especially if they didn't like the way I sound it or they never enjoyed the interviews it scared me it almost paralyzed me from Stein but not yes the occasional imposter syndrome kicks in I'll be completely honest I'm comfortable now I have most certainly already achieved or the goals and dreams I want to put this podcast and I'm so so grateful for that that comes down to a lot of you support the show and this is why in twenty twenty one as a fucking got going again with the podcast I'm gonna try to keep everything the role as possible any mistakes any as any brain fog so I get where you're going to have them unless they just show you guys that the person on the other side of a Mike it's just a normal person to put all the things that I may be at least perceived to be good at trust me there are thousands I'm not great at it to be honest I'm gonna take a guess here and I think I might be right that this so many of you listening today you're more entertaining charismatic funny yeah the myself if you picked up a Mike you would be absolutely incredible or if you picked up a video is start recording you two videos you could be amazing in a few years time and I just hope that the spotlight if it doesn't harm you it is a hobby the person that you could become it doesn't stop me from doing the things that you can do and it really forces you to go out there and yes of course find your voice so that's what I wanted to say today I sincerely from the bottom of my heart I hope you have an incredible twenty twenty one hope is much closer to you than twenty twenty and I truly hope if there is that something in your heart and mind that you're thinking should I or shouldn't I I hope this episode is by you to go and do it so until next time thank you so much for listening and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPONSOR!https://www.healthxcel.co.uk - Use Code FYV10 for 10% off"Never look back" By Sirtaj RahmanA husband, a father and a professional athlete who shines his bright across his followers with his humour, candour, empathy and transparency, Sirtaj Rahman is a someone out there building his own legacy. Riddled with adversity growing up through the loss of his father which he witnessed as a ten-year-old child. Using the lessons he had learnt from his father and mother who raised him and his family, Sirtaj spends each moment trying to live without regrets and ensure his legacy is one not only would his father have been proud of, but also one that will be spoken of for many years to come.I urge you all to follow his journey as he is growing in influence and I hope you all have the best year ahead! It feels great to be back!Links to me:YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcastWebsite: https://www.healthxcel.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/findyourvoicepodcast/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhPodcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribeShow sponsor (Use Code FYV10 for 10% off): https://www.healthxcel.co.ukLinks to Sirtaj:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sirtajrahman83/?hl=enTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sirtajrahman07?source=h5_mYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCK8hkwQTQnEvHpsCseHmIhw? See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPONSOR LAUNCHING THIS FRIDAY! http://bit.ly/HealthXcel"Thinking it real" By Bhavik PatelA fascinating conversation from someone who has now started to find his way in life, or should I say found his voice. Recognising he has always been, and still is in control of his own destiny Bhavik has made bold decisions across his life to pivot towards a life he truly wants. A life worth living and one he can be proud of, and I personally couldn't be happier to see him in such a happier place than he once was.Very honest in his ups and downs, Bhavik has hit the lows, to now completely having a different perspective and outcome on what it truly means to be living a fulfilled life and one that is successful in his own mind. I am so confident this will resonate with the majority of you listening today, because sometimes we have to truly sit with ourselves and understand what makes us tick and what we truly want to get out of this world.Please follow him in the links below and show your support and more importantly, start today to write your own story and live life on your own terms.Useful timestamps:03:00 Bhaviks 1st entrepreneurial start with £50014:25 Tips to start a business today 26:00 Entrepreneur life realities34:55 Broken part of his life47:50 Don't have an opinion about things58:40 Words of wisdom to a younger selfLinks to me:YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcastWebsite: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribeLinks to Bhavik:LinkedIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bhavik-patel-7866251b/Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/bigger-than-the-hustle/id1515089244 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Live without regret" by Rammi JanackA story about living without regret, embracing lifes ups as well as lifes downs and finding happiness and embracing it.Rammi shares a rather taboo subject, across many cultures and parts of the world, but one which must warrant some attention in today's society. Suffering the loss of the love of her life, Rammi lost her partner to Cancer which completely disrupted her life. Having needing to navigate the dynamics of the relationship change, to understanding that she was experiencing loss, even before the loss came about, Rammi went on a journey that really forced her to grow through life.With many of us, finding happiness is not always achievable, but Rammi was given a second chance, when she then met her partner today, with whom they have a lovely family together with. A taboo scenario, often wrongly judged by people without real context, Rammi found the second love of her life. Happening quite soon after in terms of months, the truth is, there was a lot more to understand about Rammis transition from being a widow into her second family and this story will in so many ways, teach us to be grateful, happier, shift our perspectives and more importantly never judge others for wanting to be happy.I sincerely hope you get a chance to listen all the way through as this episode has helped me personally understand a lot about grief and i wish nothing but love and success to Rammi and her family today, and my thoughts and prayers go out to Ty, may god rest his soul.PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPONSOR: http://bit.ly/HealthXcelLinks to Rammi: https://instagram.com/rammi_682?igshid=zrvv92ndgl93Links to me:YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcastWebsite: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
5 Ways to Avoid Panic Attacks
TRANSCRIPT FROM SHOW:
So for anyone listening in the UK we are now undergoing a second lockdown, one which I know will have adverse effects on peoples mental and physical wellbeing, but sadly we are unable to do change the situation we are in.
Therefore, it is essential we all try to at least make the best of the situation and I sincerely hope you all come out of this lockdown, whenever that may be happier, more fulfilled and most importantly healthier too.
Now of course that may seem a stretch, but I am certain we can use this time to reflect, heal or even just active with walks and runs to really allow ourselves to realign and focus for hopefully a nice Christmas or a much better 2021.
But anyways, I thought I would do some solo episodes over this period for which I hope you will find value from.
And todays episode will be around Panic Attacks.
The term panic attack has been getting misused a LOT recently. People tend to use it loosely — but a panic attack is a very specific kind of experience. This is when you suddenly feel an overwhelming amount of stress. It may come from the mind, but it can cause intense physical reactions such as chills or hot flashes, nausea, numbness, shakes, dizziness or in the worst of cases, a temporary loss of consciousness.
Full Video version: https://youtu.be/0XMl3gZGC84
Frequent panic attacks can become a hindrance in your daily life. But there are ways to control them, too. Here are 5 ways To Prevent Panic Attacks:
1. Deep breaths
Breathing is the way our bodies get oxygen. When you’re starting to get anxious, one of the first things that happen is that your breathing gets irregular, shorter, even if you don’t realise it. This limits the amount of oxygen that makes it to your brain — triggering a stress response that can fling you into a panic attack.
When you begin to feel anxious, the first thing you should do is do some breathing exercises. This is one that doesn’t require remembering anything, you just need to listen to your body,
Breathe in slowly through your nose, until you take a full belly breath.
Breathe out just as slowly through your mouth,
You’ll feel tingles in your chest and ears, that’s the anxiety leaving with each breath.
Repeat until you feel better (it can take a few minutes, keep at it, you’ll get there)
2. Catch it early on
It’s easier to stop a panic attack at it’s earlier stages. If you’ve struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for a while, chances are you know the early signs of one. These signs are different for everybody. Some experience an irregular heart rate as their first sign, some have trouble breathing, others experience dizziness that slowly gets worse until they pass out.
If you can figure out where your panic attack begins, you can immediately jump into breathing exercises and calm yourself down before it gets to an actual panic attack. With time, you can learn how to avoid them before the first signs even show up!
3. Close your eyes
If you’re in a very busy environment with too much going on, the stimulation from the environment can make your panic attack come on a lot faster. Since this is usually in public places you can’t exactly resort to someplace that feels safe like your bedroom, the next best thing is to close your eyes and take yourself “out” of the environment.
Then, you’re only dealing with the noise, inside and outside of your head. Here, you revert back to simple breathing exercises, slowly relax your shoulder, unclench your hands and try to make your mind and body relax.
Try to envision the anxiety travelling from your mind, down through your shoulder, making its way out of your body through your feet. This will stop a panic attack right in its tracks.
4. Go to your happy place
Panic attacks can be brought on by a lot of things. Often, it’s because you just have too many things in your mind. When you feel overwhelmed to the point that you can feel your thoughts getting jumbled up, try to get away from this “place” in your head.
Think of a place that calms you, feels safe. This is different for everyone, it doesn’t have to be the thought of a beach or a vacation, it can be something as simple as your bedroom or your favourite corner of your home. Picture yourself being in this place. Then, breathe. You’ll start to calm down soon enough.
5. H.A.L.T
HALT is an acronym for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. The feeling you get when you’re experiencing any one of these 4 things can amplify and cause your body to go into a panic. If you feel yourself suddenly going into a panic attack without anything triggering it, it can be helpful to ask yourself “Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired?”
And so with that, I hope these truly help you and more importantly do not hesitate to reach out IF you ever just need a soundboard, a chat or someone to listen to you.
Thanks for tuning in.
Joe Dispenza Book:
https://amzn.to/3dCArR0
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.healthxcel.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/findyourvoicepodcast/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Show sponsor (Use Code FYV10 for 10% off): https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Telling people to choose themselves and be themselves in a world that often has our attention diverted whilst indirectly persuading us to conform, is tough. But for Daniel, he is blessed with an unfiltered mind to live life on his own terms. Well and truly, Daniel has found his own voice and also writes his only story every single day, without any concerns about the opinions of others.
This conversation was also incredibly insightful due to Daniel, openly speaking about his lowered levels of empathy and the way he views and sees the world. His genuine happiness in how he lives for the days and moments is a gift for us all to take note off, regardless of whether it is down to him living with aspergers.
A fascinating mind and one which hopefully helps give you all the perspective of life through someone elses eyes.
PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPONSOR: http://bit.ly/HealthXcel
I urge you to follow his journey and I thank you once more for tuning in:)
Joe Dispenza Book:
https://amzn.to/3dCArR0
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Links to guest:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/daniel.laing.503
The video to this will be out here soon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbLhwrC1mwkMzOM2XyMIpEQr A channel I need to invest some time into, to share the visuals of such powerful stories.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Our stories our powerful. Our stories matter. Our stories need to be heard."
Diana Carolina Munera Gallo bravely shares one of the most remarkable stories, we have been able to record for Find Your Voice. As she is a good friend, I had to record this a second time, as the first time personally had me in tears and left me in an over emotional state.
Having seen the tragic loss of her mother, the murder of her sister, the sexual abuse of her niece and so much more toxicity across her life, Diana could have thrown the towel in, or turned bitter towards the world. Yet remarkably, she stands here today, full of love, gratitude, hope and kindness, a message not just through her words, but her actions she hopes trickles down into the rest of the world around her.
This is one of the most infectious, beautiful souls I have been so grateful to have connected with on Find Your Voice and I hope her lessons, allow you to change your own perspectives and also help you, dream and hope, in the midst of the adversities life will throw your way.
PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPONSOR: http://bit.ly/HealthXcel
I urge you to follow her journey and I thank you once more for tuning in:)
Joe Dispenza Book:
https://amzn.to/3dCArR0
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Links to guest:
Instagram: https://instagram.com/freesoulbeachlover
Instagram: https://instagram.com/nuqui_jewellery
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/diana.c.gallo.3
The video to this will be out here soon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbLhwrC1mwkMzOM2XyMIpEQr A channel I need to invest some time into, to share the visuals of such powerful stories.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Empower yourself"
The incredible Dr Laura Cole joins Aren Deu on this weeks Find Your Voice in an amazing interview. Dr Laura Cole is a certified sign language interpreter (BEI III and RID-CI) as well as holding an MSW degree from Gallaudet and a Doctorate of Spiritual Studies from Emerson Institute. She is a life coach, interpreter trainer, and CEO of Inspirational Outcomes.
Her new book is also out now too: https://amzn.to/34msDyB
PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPONSOR: https://instagram.com/healthxcel
An interesting conversation navigating around spirituality, intuitive pulls from the universe, values and living out our passions and truly finding our purpose.
Some useful time stamps:
02:05 Who is Dr Laura Cole
08:50 Understanding the higher power in the universe
12:55 Listening to your intuition and gut
25:05 Reticular activation system
35:00 Gratitude explained
42:48 Fun part of the show
48:30 Legacy
I urge you to follow her journey and I thank you once more for tuning in:)
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Links to guest:
Website: https://www.drlauracole.com/
Book: https://amzn.to/34msDyB
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Your not given everything you can handle, but you have to learn to live with everything your handed" - By Rosaria Kozar #119
Rosaria Kozar, the mother of a warrior, joins Aren Deu on today's episode of Find Your Voice. Hosting her own show, that speaks to paediatricians, survivors, parents, and other applicable organizations in the paediatric cancer world Rosaria shares her own story of overcoming and dealing with adversity in her life.
Sadly through the life of her child to a rare form of cancer, Rosarias mission in life has pivoted to one of now inspiring and giving others the beauty of HOPE!
A rollercoaster of a conversation, but what an absolutely courageously strong women Rosaria is. Someone who can teach us all about resilience, coping and thriving even past our darkest days.
PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPONSOR: https://instagram.com/healthxcel
I urge you to follow her journey and I thank you once more for tuning in:)
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Links to guest:
Podcast: https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/living-with-scanxiety-cancer-podcast-OeSm59kp3WV/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Livingwithscanxiety/about/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/livingwithscanxiety/
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Ben Woodward has one of the most remarkable stories, and his ability to handle adversity is second to none. Someone who has been hit with obstacles throughout his growing life, he now shares his perspective, lessons and amazing journey. A truly amazing gentlmen, who is now an author of the incredible Empowerment Paradox book which looks at Seven Vital Virtues to Turn Struggle Into Strength Hardcover.
PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR NEW SPONSOR: https://instagram.com/healthxcel
Timestamps:
[05:15] Ben's incredible perspective on adversity
[16:00] Ben's experience of anxiety & patience
[20:08] Engage your imagination
[28:00] All or nothing thinking
[32:00] Finding purpose through suffering or service
[44:00] Ben's message to his younger self
More information:
Ben Woodward has become a highly sought after authority on personal and corporate transformation, helping individuals and organizations alike navigate through the complex and often uncomfortable journey of meaningful, lasting, and positive change.
As the author of the best selling book, The Empowerment Paradox, Ben is quickly becoming the go-to person for empowering others in their efforts to turn adversity, struggle and suffering into strength, meaning and purpose.
In his training, workshops, and speaking assignments Ben is able to draw upon a wealth of business and life experiences to give unique insights. He speaks specifically to our ability to turn crisis into opportunity, the virtues and attributes of inspirational leadership, helping organizations fall in love with corporate vision and empowering teams to become their very best. His experience with growing multi-billion dollar organizations as well as stuck mature businesses, excited new start ups, and enthusiastic entrepreneurs ensures his message is one that is relevant for all audiences.
Critically, Ben’s own personal experience with adversity and his determination to understand it, overcome it and be empowered by it provides an emotional potency to his message that is undeniable. Incredibly, his knack for making the audience laugh at his entertaining stories and anecdotes ensures audience members are informed, inspired, encouraged and entertained.
As a strategist and coach Ben helps people find hidden strength when confronting complex or chronic challenges. Importantly, he takes people beyond the surface of the symptomatology of suffering and empowers them to turn this new found personal strength into value, and from there, turn value and purpose into inspirational identity and meaning. His online courses utilize blended learning techniques to ensure personal growth and transformation for all participants.
Buy The Book:
https://amzn.to/2QL1UWf
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Links to guest:
Ben woodward: http://www.ben-woodward.com/
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Selfless Kayla" by Dr Kayla Marmaros
Wow what an informative episode, I am grateful to share with you today with the amazing Dr Kayla. As you may tell from this episode, my own anxiety was a little up in the air but I managed to salvage myself and move the conversation to the insightful Kayla who drops some incredible words of wisdom.
For anyone struggling with anxiety, guilty, depression or mental health than this episode will certainly help you find your voice and more importantly get your health back on track. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it and please do check out and support Kayla below:
Pillar Mind and Behavior offers counseling services that use evidence-based treatments to address emotional distress, behavioral concerns, and psychological diagnoses that are interfering with day-to-day living. The private and comfortable office provides a safe space for children, adolescents, and young adults to confront and work through personal challenges. Taking that first step can be intimidating, but showing up for oneself is often half the battle.
The mission of Pillar Mind and Behavior is to provide quality client care while serving as a source of support, knowledge, and guidance for each individual.
Timestamps:
[07:25] Anxiety explained by Dr Kayla
[19:20] The importance of Exposure Therapy
[26:10] Restructure your thoughts
[38:30] How we always judge ourselves
[56:20] Final Message about therapy approach
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Links to guest:
Kayla Marmaros, PhD, MS, LMHC, CBT-certified
Website: https://www.pillarmindandbehavior.com/about/
Pillar Mind and Behavior, LLC
1550 Madruga Avenue Suite 312
Coral Gables, Florida 33146
Www pillarmindandbehavior.com
786-332-4340
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Gifted" by Chantelle Speaks
Chantelle helps the youth find their gifted purpose, by reframing their mindset around adversity. An inspiring women has overcome and seen so much in her own life, she is now ensuring she leaves an everlasting impact herself. Conscious of her own mistakes growing up, Chantelle is also wise enough to acknowledge them and learn from those. She is now trying her absolute best working on some incredible ventures to help the youth of today see their lives differently, and change it, or reframe their perspectives at the very least, to live a happier more fulfilling life. Finding your purpose takes courage, just as finding your voice does, and as Chantelle has begun to do this she is now taking others along on the journey with her.
Timestamps:
[04:00] Chantelle uses her own adversity
[14:30] The healing process
[27:00] Chantelles habits
[43:45] Love yourself
Please follow her journey below:
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Links to guest:
Instagram: https://instagram.com/chantelle.speaks
Email: chantelle.speakerenquiries@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Chantelle.Speaks2020/
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"It's not the end of the world" - Swey Jitti #115
This episode, although focusing on the adversity of dealing with mental abuse (mother) and physical abuse (father) throughout her childhood years, displays one of hope, courage, strength and an incredible turnaround. What an incredibly resilient women Swey Jitti is, as she shares so openly her vulnerable story about her life growing up leading her to where she is today.
Having triumphed through dark days, that would have caused even the strongest amongst us to fold under, Swey went onto Cambridge University to perserevere with her dreams of achieving her goals and never letting the cards she was dealt, be an excuse.
Now an active mental health advocate, a coach, author and musician, Swey brings an impactful story live to find your voice which I am 100% positive you will all enjoy listening too. I urge you all to follow her journey and be sure to let me know what you thought about this episode! I hope to be back in the swing of things again as we ramp up Find Your Voice for the second half of 2020.
If you ever need help on how to survive abuse from parents, I certainly recommend Swey.
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Links to guest:
Instagram: https://instagram.com/sweysings
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/swadhin-jitti
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
For many of us, we never quite feel we have enough. Whether it is instagram likes, facebook shares, youtube views or money! The sad problem with this is, we never truly know when enough, is enough. We never truly know if what we have is actually enough to make us happy if we stopped looking for the next big thing.
The transcript for the story Ryan Holiday talks about in this episode is here:
“The knowledge that I have enough”
The reason I help people for FREE most of the time, is NOT because I have less value than those who charge, or hate selling or struggle with imposter syndrome.
It’s because of this 60 second clip which explains something I wish more people could truly understand.
Until this becomes a reality, you will always prioritise money over the more important things in life without sometimes even knowing it.
👇👇👇👇
Joe Heller
True story, Word of Honor:
Joseph Heller, an important and funny writer
now dead,
and I were at a party given by a billionaire
on Shelter Island.
I said, “Joe, how does it make you feel
to know that our host only yesterday
may have made more money
than your novel ‘Catch-22’
has earned in its entire history?”
And Joe said, “I’ve got something he can never have.”
And I said, “What on earth could that be, Joe?”
And Joe said, “The knowledge that I’ve got enough.”
Not bad! Rest in peace!”
— Kurt Vonnegut
The Youtube channel I am very passionate about is still being regularly uploaded so please support that if you have a chance, or care too and the facebook group I mentioned in this episode can also be found here: https://www.facebook.com/findyourvoicepodcast/
I wish you all well and reach out if you ever need anything.
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
For many of us anxiety has always been a part of our life, for others it is now a new occurence more so due to the pressures of the lockdown and uncertainty facing us today. Whether that is for our safety, our occupation or the welfare of those around us, we often now find ourselves unsure, overwhelemed and left with this feeling in our stomachs of a gut wrenching feeling of dread.
This short episode hopefully explains why the podcast episodes have started to slow down but also speaks bout the find your voice live episodes which are now being recorded once a month too. It is with these episodes that I hope to see you listeners join us and ask guests and speakers questions you wish I had asked, but also to let you know that you are well and truly not alone.
The Youtube channel I am very passionate about is still being regularly uploaded so please support that if you have a chance, or care too and the facebook group I mentioned in this episode can also be found here: https://www.facebook.com/findyourvoicepodcast/
I wish you all well and reach out if you ever need anything.
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Jane shares her story from the slums to riches whilst creating a life she enjoys. She shows in this short podcast interview, her refusal to accept excuses and to remain curious about the things she wants to achieve. For many of us, resources may not always be available but, if we are willing to work hard and find those answers anything is possible as Jane Egerton demonstrates in this industry.
Bio:
A telecommunication executive with over 17 years’ experience in the Nigerian, Liberian and Ghanaian telecommunications markets. She holds an Engineering degree from the university of Nigeria and an MBA from Warwick Business school, UK. And an Executive education from Harvard Business School. She worked as part of the Ericsson Ghana and Liberia executive leadership team. Where she managed the Account teams for Ericsson in Ghana and Liberia. In 2019 she received the 50 Leading Ladies in Corporate Nigeria Leadership award
Jane is currently the country Manager Nigeria and Regional Sales Manager West Africa for Avanti Communications Ltd.
I hope you found this useful and please do watch the YouTube version which is coming out very soon!
Key time stamps:
03:40 Empowering women
07:05 Janes rise from the slums
12:35 Exposure and finding resources (the importance of this)
17:00 Learning to adapt
25:05 Being in the crisis and feeling sorry for yourself
31:00 Janes book journey
39:00 Janes anxiety
I urge you all to follow her journey below:
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
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Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Please reach out to Jane and support her on purchasing her book:
All links: https://janeegerton.com/
Be fearless by Jane Egerton: https://amzn.to/2ZwDh4F
As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, but you are charged the same. This in effect helps me use the proceeds towards growing the Find Your Voice Podcast.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Life is totugh without adversity but when it strikes its always a good tip to know the things that will help us cope during those difficult times.
Transcript:
So life is tough enough as it is. Whether its striving for that next promotion, that 6 pac physique or juggling your hobbies with your children.
But what happens when adversity strikes and times become even more difficult?
Well this video will give you some steps to really protect your mental health and wellbeing during these times.
- Write it down: Journalling or simply writing down what has happened is a key to removing the mismatch of ideas and scenarios you are creating in your head. You will likely jot more logical representations of what is actually going on and you are more likely to find a solution either to solve the difficulty you are facing or coping with it.
- Tackle it. If it is something that can be tackled, then one of the sure fire ways to eliminate or ease your fears is to tackle it. Now ideally this should come after step 1, as you will likely have a better solution for tackling your difficulty.
- Get support. Your friends and family are there to be leaned upon and not ignored or avoided during your times of difficulty. I have found personal strength, encouragement and support when I have found the courage to reach out in my moments of adversity and I cannot recommend it enough. If you are facing something more serious, especially mental health related, please see your GP and request further help.
- Remind yourself of the last time you faced a challenge or time of difficulty and how you are still here today to watch this video or listen to this podcast. This can be your badge of honour or reminder to jog your memory of how resilient you are.
- Control the controllables. I speak about this more than I speak about anything but if we can remember this quote, mantra we will always have a better perspective on things we are able to control and cope with during difficult times.
- Allow yourself some time to go through what your going through. If you are grieving, be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need. If you are facing obstacles or difficulties that you want to scream and shout about, do it. Just don't let it become an everyday thing and know that at some stage you have to take that step forward and grow from the experience.
- Prioritise your self care routines. These include working out, eating right, hydration, meditation etc. The things you know after doing them, positively benefit you are often the things we quickly neglect or stop doing when we need to do them the most.
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, but you are charged the same. This in effect helps me use the proceeds towards growing the Find Your Voice Podcast.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
How to be unapolgetically you, with Tanya J Miller who is a speaker, coach and author showing up daily, with purpose, with intent to be 100% authentically herself. A fascinating conversation we had a few weeks ago which should have been released earlier. Sadly due to personal unforseen circumstances it was halted as the intro of the show stated.
But life will continue to test us and providing we still have the ability to sit the test, i.e. live and breathe we can live to fight another day. Tanya has been through immense adversity in her life and does not shy away from the necessary processes that we may sometimes need to fall on, such as trauma and doing deeper work. I hope you enjoyed this episode and be sure to reach out if either of us can ever help.
Key time stamps:
09:25 Imposter syndrome
12:30 Somebody needs what you have
20:30 How to deal with loss / grief
27:50 Use the hard times
I urge you all to follow his journey below:
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Please reach out to Tanya:
All links: https://www.tanyajmiller.com/
As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, but you are charged the same. This in effect helps me use the proceeds towards growing the Find Your Voice Podcast.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"The lost boy" by Joshua LeBreton.
From living with anxiety, compulsiveness and abandonment Joshua has had to navigates his way through life through utilising the power of music. A music artist himself, now working on the Canary Yellow project, he has seen the benefits of expressing himself and finding his own voice via his music.
Somewhat lost earlier on his life seeking external validation, Joshua has come back to his roots to now stand and share his voice with the world, being true to himself and his own experiences. A beautiful conversation with someone whos life will mimic or resonate with many of us out there, dealing with our own thoughts and adversities.
Key time stamps:
02:55 The power of music for Joshua
08:30 Joshuas work with larger artists
12:15 Joshuas obsessive traits & unstable upbringing
16:00 Not being defined by a thing
24:18 Valuing and making friendships
30:30 Joshuas biggest fear
35:30 The importance of feeling sadness
42:20 Joshuas final message
I urge you all to follow his journey below:
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Please reach out to Joshua LeBreton:
All links: https://thecanaryyellow.carrd.co/
As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, but you are charged the same. This in effect helps me use the proceeds towards growing the Find Your Voice Podcast.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Do you procrastinate? Is procrastinating ruining your happiness? Do you even know if you procrastinate?
Then maybe this episode is for you.
Transcript:
-
Fear of failing perhaps? So we leave It until the last moment. When we fear failure we actuals desire control and procrastinating at least makes you feel like you are in control.
-
Perfectionism. Very closely linked! This isn’t great though! Perfectionism is linked to anxiety and depression. When we look for perfectionism we are just adding pressure to our mental state.
-
Night owl? A random one right, but this is something I've realised. My most creative time is in the evening. Now I'm odd because I don't mind mornings either in terms of productivity but evenings is where I work my best or have my most creativity moments. Can you relate to this?
-
Self-doubt? Studies have shown self-doubt and procrastination to be linked. Now self-doubt is okay if you are seriously self-aware and realise maybe just not YET you are where you need to be. However, if thats not the case and you are just your worst critic, doubting your ability and failing to see that even just doing right now will provide long term will see you procrastinating and never really get going until either the end, or just completely abandoned the task altogether. Dont doubt yourself. At the very least accept where you are now but recognise you can and will become so much better with execution over time.
Now if you recognise these as some of your traits don't despair there are ways to overcome this too!
-
For me personally, I had to stop being a perfectionist. I had to let go of this elusive, impossible expectation of being perfect.
-
I realised that my goal of becoming more was more important than my guaranteed learning moments. Now I call these learning moments as I know I will never be as good today as I will be tomorrow, and just knowing that eases pressure but also inspires me for the brighter future. Think about something you do so well today? Perhaps its driving while you listen OR playing an instrument for example. Was you this good when you first started? Of course not. Remember that its important next time you let self-doubt come in.
-
Recognise when you are at your best. So judging on the night owl point, If you are better at night, then tailor your day to suit your creativity moments. It won't seem like procrastinating then.
Episode on Perfectionism:
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
One of the great things with life is, it teaches us wisdom. Now whether we choose to listen to podcasts, read books or learn from those who have walked the path before us, wisdom can immensely help your journey to finding your own voice and achieving your own successes
But half of true wisdom in my eyes is learning to UNLEARN the things that are not true and we have been told throughout the majority of our lives.
So in this short video (if you’re on YouTube) or podcast if you’re listening there, I am going to run through some things we must 100% start to unlearn starting NOW!
- You Must Stay Happy
This is so dangerous because we are on this constant pursuit of happiness, almost as if there is a time or place where we will only ever experience bliss.
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news and drop a spoiler here but that is not possible.
Also more importantly there’s nothing wrong with you if you feel angry, sad, jealous, anxious or any other emotions other than happy.
Emotions don’t define you.
- Being Alone Is Same As Being Lonely
Spending time alone is one of the best things you can do for your life and your wellbeing. It will give you time and the environment to plan and reflect on your life.
Don’t miss the solo meetings with yourself and recognise its not the same as loneliness. I have also done a crucial video on how to solve loneliness on the channel if you are experiencing that so check it out.
- Your skill set and potential is predetermined
The most important thing I can ever tell you, is that you can achieve and become great at anything you truly want, over a long enough period of time if you are willing to work at it and level up.
So make sure you jump back to some book recommendation videos or check the description for some books that truly changed my life. Carol Dweck mindset, Outwitting the Devil Napoleon hill and breaking the habit of being yourself, Dr Joe dispense!
- Money Is…
For some of us, we feel money is everything and the answer to all suffering in life.
If only we just had enough than we would be happy and successful..
But then we have the reverse this to this which is, money is the root of all evil. And that intrinsically stops us ever really attracting or striving to earn more.
What I will say is these beliefs need to be unlearned asap. Neither will serve you.
Money will enhance your personality, it will allow you to create more opportunities for you and others and it is only the love of money that is evil.
Please dont think happiness comes with money. Happiness is a state of mind and can be manifested at anytime if you allow yourself to do so.
- Failure is a bad thing
Growing up failure was the worst word in the world. N
If you fail a test at school, its not the test you failed, its almost like you are the failure yourself.
Failure throughout the rest of your life should be done with the same enthusiasm and awareness that it is a teachable moment to one day help you succeed.
- Success Is The Finishing Line
The pursuit of success never ends. There are no destinations that you will ever be satisfied with.
As you reach one milestone, your goals and dreams will shift towards another, and then another and then another.
There is nothing wrong with this, but it is dangerous if you do not recognise this.
Now just a kind reminder, that if you haven’t already please do smash that notification bell, and like button and subscribe to the channel if you find this or any of the other episodes useful, it would be truly appreciated. Okay back to it…
So anyway, this thing called success in life.
We must recognise that Life is a journey, a game, and we have control of how we play it. But don’t just fixate your mind on the final level, and miss out all the fun along the way!
The relationships, the adversities you can add to your wisdom, your wins and of course the growth across all your life!
- Obstacles Ruin Your Life
You dont need me to tell you my views on adversity.
They can be our biggest gifts, our best teachers and builders of traits you cant get from simply reading a book or watching someone else!
- Listening too everything you’re told
Remember people tell you what they usually think they know. A person speaking with certainty or confidence does not always mean a person speaking facts, or the truth. So sometimes, people can tell you the wrong advice.
Only take advice, from someone you are willing to trade places with, for that particular advice.
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Ambitions the Pros & Cons" - Howard Green
An intriguing conversation with an ex royal marine commando, who is about as ambitious as you can get. From suffering with PTSD, BiPolar and burn out, Howard Green is now thriving and loving his life as a father, husband and tennis coach. But he has battled with finding himself, overcoming his own imposter syndrome and ego.
Common topics that we often fail to discuss so openly, Howard openly gives tips and tricks that articulate a better process and way of getting through these barriers we are all experiencing right now, or may have experienced.
Key time stamps:
04:00 Joining the marines & 9/11
10:15 Leadership traits & qualities Howard believes in
17:25 Flexibility in routines is a must
22:40 Imposter Syndrome working with a top 10 tennis player
31:40 Imposter Syndrome tips and tricks
37:50 Help others rather than try to be better than others
40:45 Become insightful
I urge you all to follow his journey below:
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Please reach out to Howard Green
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hgreentennisfit
As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, but you are charged the same. This in effect helps me use the proceeds towards growing the Find Your Voice Podcast.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing - Socrates
Zu Shan, is a fascinating character, who continuously strives and drives to learn and become so much more. He is the fitting example of someone who has gone through the journey of finding his voice, learning who he is and becoming more in touch with this.
This conversation dives into important topics many of us must seek answers within ourselves for, such as:
Fulfilment, Productivity, Self awareness, Perspective and why travelling is so so important. Zu Shan has travelled 30+ countries, has found his way through the entrepreneurial space and also lived in 6 different cities across the world. He is someone who brings a fresh, wider perspective to today's conversation and for that I hope sincerely you enjoy this episode.
Key time stamps:
09:00 From academia to entrepreneurship - The transition
16:35 Zu Shan key daily habit
24:20 Zu Shan intrinsic movitation
33:20 We all face adversity
Episode on forgiveness:
https://youtu.be/Rq1oDkLYpqk
Books to buy:
Buy Outwitting the Devil: https://amzn.to/3c97pGq
Buy Principles: https://amzn.to/2ZOk1js
Buy How to stop worrying & start living: https://amzn.to/3esi4h4
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Podcast equipment recommended:
Rodecaster Pro: https://amzn.to/2M36Lj5
Rode podmic: https://amzn.to/36yfYcy
Rode NT-USB - https://amzn.to/2X7LsDp
Cameras:
Sony DSCHX90 Digital - https://amzn.to/2TCAfID
Canon Powershot SX730 HS - https://amzn.to/2yQkbs6
Canon EOS 4000D DSLR Camera and EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 III Lens - https://amzn.to/2WYtWkT
Nikon D5300 - https://amzn.to/3c825mN
Logitech BRIO 4K webcam - https://amzn.to/3enEuA1
Sony a6500 mirrorless - https://amzn.to/2ZAOJfW
Podcast host (acast):
Acast: https://open.acast.com/invite/r/arendeu
Links to me:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/findyourvoicepodcast
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
Please reach out to Zu Shan
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/zushanhashmi/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/sportageous1
Website: https://www.sportageous.co/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sportageous/
As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, but you are charged the same. This in effect helps me use the proceeds towards growing the Find Your Voice Podcast.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
8 Things you don't need to be successful
Far to often, I see people worry and concentrate on doing things that actually won't serve them. Whether this is because of external noise, influencing their decisions or whether they have just not found their own voice. One of the key things I try to get across in the podcast as a whole is to encourage and empower you with the right tools and belief to follow your own heart and desire. To find your own success in the midst of adversity and the noise of the world that surrounds us.
However, I appreciate this is not always an easy option, and for that reason we often need reminding of things that actually don't move our lives forward, and instead hinder our journey. I sincerely hope you find this useful and encourage you all to check the YouTube channel where I will be upping my game to giving you the best content I can possibly produce to help you all find your voice.
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Transcript:
8 Things you ACTUALLY don’t need to become successful:
- Wake up stupidly early
The only time you should ever wake up early is if you sleep early enough.
Otherwise, it’s stupid! Don’t be stupid.
- Jump around & act all positive all the time. It’s not possible & it’s detrimental to your overall long term well-being.
Emotions are there to serve us & help us understand what we are experiencing. If anything become more self aware.
- Buy a course to solve your life. Yes you may lack a few things.
It’s likely self belief, discipline, knowledge & time.
The first 2 can be trained & the second two can take longer than any quick rich get scheme or promises made by “highly successful people” who sell you mentorship for stupid prices.
- What other successful people have
You don’t need more money than you can spend to consider yourself a success or the same amount of accolades as person x.
You may, but you don’t need it.
The key with this point is to recognise your own internal drivers & see what makes you feel successful. Then do that, or work towards that.
- Lots of followers brought from fake websites to validate what an influencer you are to make you feel like Dwayne Johnson when you sleep.
It’s a superficial metric that the fakeness is easily noticed if you look close enough & does nothing other than reiterate that your following is based on bots & people in India.
Sorry people in India.
Instead focus on hitting your message home with 1 person a day, impactfully & see how much better that feels than having 6k followers who aren’t real people!
- To have it all figured out.
Nobody has everything figured out. Work life balance rarely exists for the long term & as you gain traction in 1 aspect of your life, you could lose some in another.
That’s okay, providing your moving towards the things that you truly want to achieve & consider important to your success.
Also if you don’t know how to do something to make it a success, surround yourself with a team better than you.
Key word being team.
- Loads of likes across your posts. The most successful people I know in my personal life from a fitness, financial & relationship side aren’t even here posting.
I write this point to let you know, that execution beyond the noise & social media is key.
Anyone can turn it on during posting hours or online, but how deep are your relationships with friends and family? How healthy is your mind and heart? How self aware and happy are you?
- Someone else’s approval.
Your Success and metrics of it should be your success metrics!
I think that made sense.
Don’t seek approval or validation from no one.
.
This is mental health awareness week & my job of being an advocate for this space won’t stop this week & started many years before.
On that note a great quote to end this quick post:
“Never let a good crisis go to waste”
If at the very least all you do is leave knowing, what you truly want, who you truly are & who you truly am not, you are winning I promise you!
Most of us, don’t even know what we truly want or who we truly are and that scares me.
Don’t be like most, be like you!
Have a kick ass week people & protect your wellbeing at all costs ❤️
mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness
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"My only regret in life was not talking" by Dean
Dean is an open book and one whos story gives hopes, encouragement and strength to anyone battling with mental health. As it is mental health awareness week, it was important to get this episode out today. Dean battles with bi polar disorder on a daily basis and is consistently working on being kind to himself and encouraging others to speak more about what is going on in their lives. A full transparent individual who shares not only his struggles but also his processes to help give tangible takeaways and steps to lift yourself out of the darker days that we all experience.
A personal trainer, a father, an ex army veteran and a friend, Dean is not just someone with bi polar. He is much more than that, just as you are all much more than your job titles, or the tags that people put on you. Be more, become more and learn about yourself as we go through this find your voice journey to truly become a better version and master or at least control your mental and physical well being to the best of your ability.
I urge you all to follow Deans story, not just because it is mental health awareness week, but also because his story is authentic and powerful and full of tangible insights (such as the 4 steps of resilience) to coping with our daily battles much better.
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Key timestamps:
[04:15] PTSD Diagnosis & Dean wanting to commit suicide
[10:00] Deans perspective on gratitude
[13:05] Deans morning routine
[22:00] Bi polar disorder - Who is Dean?
[31:10] 4 steps of resilience
[40:00] We all have a choice
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Dean:
Website: https://www.nuelementconditioning.net
Instagram: https://instagram.com/nu.element.conditioning
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"My lifes journey" - by Martika Whylly
Martika, is most certainly finding her voice in the midst of the adversity and uncertainty many of us are currently experiencing. But what is more interesting about Martika's story is the fact her voice is now being used to speak about the adversities she has witnessed in her life. Seeing her mother commit suicide, her cousin sister do the same and losing many loved ones in such a short succession, Martika recognised there was a process to grieving. Sadly grief will catch us all at one point, whether it comes unexpectedly or whether it creeps into our lives.
However, the way we are in today's society we rarely actually think or know how we should grieve. What are we meant to feel? How are we meant to act? How long does the grieving process take? Fortunately Martika has researched and dived into this aspect of her life in an attempt to shed light for those who may experience similar adversities in their own lives, giving them processes and tools to help them cope with grief better via her platform: www.grievewithease.com
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Key timestamps:
[04:20] Martikas story
[06:55] What happens when we lose someone?
[12:27] Martikas experience with losing her mother to suicide
[17:35] Living with gratitude
[24:20] Martikas personal journey & book of dealing with death and grief
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Martika:
Website: www.grievewithease.com
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Growing up in a single parent home, with no bedroom to call his own, Ruben intrinsic desire was to do more and become more. Through learning & going on his own journey of finding his voice, Ruben has become self aware enough to know what he needs to do. In addition he knows what he wants too. This is a fascinating story of a guy who has never let his struggles, or anxieties define him or his potential. Eager to grow through what he is going through he continues to strive to ensure he leaves it all out there and reaches the success he has so clear in his mind.
It was my pleasure getting to know Ruben on this more so as I was encouraged by his willingness to not sell himself, or share this narrative that he had it all figured out. He is just like any of us, the listeners, the guests, myself who are just learning as we go along the journey. It is this authenticity that warms me towards me and encourages you all to follow him on his journey.
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Key timestamps:
[04:00] Why Ruben does what he does?
[16:50] Rubens vulnerability during lockdown
[22:10] The things we lack, we often want more
[27:10] Rubens biggest fear
[35:00] Rubens message to listeners and his younger self
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Ruben:
Website: https://www.iamrubenalvarez.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/iamrubenalvarez
Instagram (podcast): https://instagram.com/inforthekillpodcast
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"Forgiving the person that almost killed me, was the greatest thing in my life" by Aren Deu #100
This is my story, a story I promised you all I would deliver for the 100th show. It is about forgiveness and it will connect many dots when go back and listen to my episodes about why I started this podcast, what made me who I am today and why the worst day of my life was actually in hindsight the best. I dont preach about adversity being a gift, for no reason, I truly 100% believe it is or at least can be your biggest gift.
I sincerely hope you enjoy this episode, and if you have the ability to forgive, please do.
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
[Notes - My Speech at Toastmasters, the only time I ever shared this story]
Toast master, fellow toast masters most welcome guests.
Today I’m going to share something I have never shared with anyone before.
I am going to tell you Why getting assaulted & left for dead was the greatest thing that ever happened to me…
But first let me take you back to a simpler time.
You see growing up I would never have imagined myself doing the things I now do.
Growing up life was easy, simple and carefree. I didn’t have to overthink things and I could just dream.
And dreaming I did!
Now I don’t know about any of you but as a child I always loved action films and fighting
From Bruce Lee to Jackie Chan to the
Karate Kid to Van Damme...
I loved it and wanted to be like them.
But my favourite of all action stars was the Italian stallion Rocky Balboa and my first ever real life goal was to become the world heavy weight champion of the world.
But sadly, I was unable to participate in Boxing due to suffering with convulsions as a child so it wasn’t allowed.
Plus I had to get a degree for my parents to make them proud.
However fast forward 25 years, with a degree under my belt It was now my time to go and pursue my dreams.
I spent the next 2 years training 3 x a day 7 days a week.
I lost 42lbs in my first 7 weeks of training
I went from being unable to run 50m, to running 7 miles straight at 6 minutes a mile.
I was ready!
And to confirm this my trainer told me I was too!
He called me in one day and spoke about the novice nationals I could attend. I remember the feeling of finally being able to achieve my dreams even though I was told I was 15 years too late to the scene.
I also remember looking to the left and seeing past champions and imagining my photo on the wall right next to them. Of course id have to move a few of them across but there was room for me, I just knew it!
However, as I departed the gym that night full of happiness, relief, excitement and just an overwhelm of emotion I was oblivious to the fact that it would be the last time I was to ever step foot into the ring again.
You see on the September of that same year 2 months before nationals, I went out for my bday reluctantly. I had a very strict diet but as 60 of my friends graced me with their presence and presents, I found myself getting rather drunk!
Fast forward 3 hours of laughing and catching up with people I had hardly seen due to my boxing commitments I found myself in true Aren style falling asleep.
You see most people when they get tipsy fall over, dance, or do crazy things. Me? Well I just fall asleep.
Only this time I had gone out for air and fallen asleep on the pavement outside.
My sleep was disrupted and short-lived, as I was woken up by my neck and head jolting back violently.
You know how they say alcohol numbs pain?
Well this was the most painful 3.5 minutes of my life, physically and mentally.
I could taste blood in my mouth, see it stream into my eyes but unable to wipe it away due to my hands not moving.
Why wasn’t they moving.
I was paralysed.
I had no idea if it was the alcohol or the concessions from the shot but I was met with fists, elbows, knees, running kicks and continuous laughter from the two guys who assaulted me, one more than the other.
I pleaded and asked why I was being assaulted, I had no real idea as to what was happening and then I remember my last few words as I believed in that time, I am going to die here.
“I cried for my mom, and within seconds I was passed out, only this time from an unprovoked assault”
I was woken up in a pool of blood and doctors told me I had sustained remarkable injuries but somehow nothing life threatening. Despite the 60+ cuts and bruises I was ok!
Or at least they thought.
You see I then struggled for the next 2 years living a life of resentment and fear. I had nightmares daily and went to bed bitter and angry at the world, the police for never really helping me, my friends for being too busy drinking inside and myself for getting into that state.
I spent these years being someone I was ashamed off, a victim, in a victims mentality.
However fast forward 2 years from the incident, I made a life changing decision. You see prior to that I had listened to a podcast that changed my life.
Do you ever get that feeling when you watch or listen to something that they are speaking directly to you?
Well this guy was. In fact his story was so similar it was unreal. The funny thing is I can’t recall the episode now and sometimes question myself as to whether it was real or I simply imagined it.
However it worked. The podcast spoke about forgiveness and how this individual, who I believed was me at the time went on to change his life once he forgave the person who assaulted him.
So with that I did the same. I sent a message to the person forgiving them and explaining everything that was in my thoughts. I forgave them for me, not them.
That was the most liberating thing I have ever truly done you see,
Since then I regained control of my life living a victor mentality!
You see since then I have:
-
Trained 1000+ clients from a health and fitness benefit having learnt so much during my boxing years.
-
Married my best friend and soul mate, someone who I never had time for during my boxing years. What a mistake that would have been.
-
Ive conquered my biggest fears of public speaking as I deliver this to you all today.
-
Learned the power of forgiveness and practice this daily.
-
Dived into the property world and became financially free to allow me to live a life of passion and purpose and work on my own terms.
-
I also have my very own podcast which has been listened to in 20 countries and downloaded over 2000+ times in less than a month.
You see In hindsight I would never go back and erase that night from my life, as it taught me so much about myself and the person I have grown into today.
It has made me stronger, more compassionate, more forgiving and overall a better servant to the world.
Maybe I could have done this through boxing, who knows but for now I am truly fulfilled and in the best place I could possibly be in.
Night crushed my dreams but I created buffers ones
My name is Aren Deu and I thank you all for listening to me today.
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Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
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"Support, encourage & challenge" by Rock Thomas
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
As featured on mind valley, goalcast, EoFIRE, Tony Robbins, Wheelbarrow profits, the Gazette and the Bigger Pockets! Rock Thomas joins us on find your voice to share his incredible story and help you all on your journey of finding your voice and moving forward towards achieving your goals.
The way we see ourselves can massively determine our success in life and Rock Thomas speaks about the importance of this, along with all the incredible mindset that he has developed throughout his life of figuring out the next steps in the midst of adversity. This is a true story of someone who had two choices. To become a victim, or to become a victor and thankfully for us here on find your voice and the world Rock Thomas chose to become the latter and really make everyday an opportunity to better himself, serve the world and deliver his great teachings and wisdom.
Some key timestamps:
[03:10] Finding your path
[06:20] Support encourage and challenge model
[14:10] Life is about growth
[19:00] Feed and energise yourself to change yourself
[24:45] Exposing your weakness
[30:14] Choose how you see yourself
[35:25] Feeling like he did not belong
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
Buy Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Buy Mindset by Carol Dweck https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Rock Thomas:
Website: https://rockthomas.com/
YouTube clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IH0digwjds
Twitter: https://twitter.com/rockthomas
Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/RockThomasOfficial/
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"Live fully, love wholeheartedly and rest intentionally" By Dr Saundra Dalton-Smith
An incredible episode with an expert in her field helping people all over the world recover their best selves and live a happier and healthier life. There are some tanigible takeaways to restoring our energy and selves to really become our best selves once again.
Who would have also thought there were so many types of restorative habits that we all have. Yet having them and knowing we have them are not always the case, which often leads to burnout amongst many people. Saundra shares her wisdom in this episode to ensure none of us go through burnout, or none of us leave this isolation period in a worse mental and physical state. We want you to leave this isolation period fully restored and ready to manage your overall health in all aspects such as:
- Physical
- mental
- spiritual
- Emotional
- social
- sensory
- creativity
Key timestamps:
[03:10] Recognising burnout in her career
[10:15] The struggles of burnout and impact on family
[11:00] Passive and Active rest
[15:25] Habits Dr Saundra uses to help with burnout and social rest deficit
[20:10] Dr Saundras biggest fear today
[25:35] Choose your best life
I urge you to check her materials and resources out and follow her amazing jouney!
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
But Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Dr Saundra:
Website: https://www.Ichoosemybestlife.com
Sacred Rest book: https://amzn.to/2SBRo51
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How to stop feeling guilty, even when we know we have so many things to be grateful for.
Remember you are not alone if this is you! I promise you. Try and use this 4 step process to help you stop feeling that guilt when it arises and know those emotions will pass:
Transcript:
So if your anything like me, sometimes you have those days where things are just off!
Now "feeling off", I do believe is a technical term used to convey disinterest or enthusiasm.
But even then it can get even worse, where you feel low, sad, grumpy, angry, dissatisfied, anxious, frustrated, unhappy etc..
Now if I told you this was normal and its okay, you’d think I’m just being nice.
Now depending on where you fall on the self awareness spectrum, a spectrum I have just created right this second
You would either be:
-
Oblivious to those off days
-
Feeling guilty about having those days
Now I really want to focus on the second point here! Because many of us who are aware of these days, have no idea where they start, why they happen and why they ruin our mood! Many of us then feel extremely guilty for feeling bad, or moaning because we know deep down that if you are able to listen to this podcast, our life in the grand scheme of things is pretty good! You see, we can easily compare ourselves with those, who are less fortunate, possess less, have less or see less. Yet still sometimes writing that down and being grateful just isn’t enough! You still want to moan, feel lousy, eat chocolate, drink a beer and just wallowing self-pity.
Now although I don’t advocate this, especially for a consistent period, I will say 2 things:
-
Its 100% okay to have those days, where you know your life is great, but you still feel shitty. You are allowed to feel shitty or experience such emotions.
-
Your pain, or what you are experiencing is still real to you.
Yes I understand emotions come and go, just like seasons and night and day. But sometimes its very difficult to shake it off and just go back to the super version of yourself.
So here're some recommendations I think can massively help you:
-
Acknowledge it! Once you acknowledge it, you now get at least be self aware enough to recognise that this has happened before and is happening now. It may also happen again next week. Now what do you want to do about it? Do nothing? Do it! Do your favourite things? Do them! Not do the things you want to do ? Don't do them! This is your time to just have a sulk!
-
Allocate a stop loss. So as much as I urge you to vent or wallow in step 1, I also need you to put a stop loss on this moment. It can not go on forever. This is not the podcast for that, this is the podcast for us going on a journey of self discovery and improvement each one of my words reach your ears. So set it. It can be 5 minutes, 5 hours, but please lets not do 5 days! Less than 24 hours please!
-
Acceptance. Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves when this happens. If we knew it was going to happen, and prepared we wouldn’t feel bad. But sadly it comes at the time we least expect it and really causes a stir. On top of that the aftermath is where we beat ourselves up on how we shouldn’t feel guilty and how we should be super perfect! Nobody is perfect, sorry.
-
Assessment. Maybe once this happens a few times, you start to recognise why? Was it every time you drank perhaps? The high extremes of joy and dancing, to the lows of a hangover and a lack of energy with a storming headache. Or perhaps every time you’re around someone, who just doesn’t add to your life? Could that be it? Perhaps. Either way the more you understand yourself, your triggers, your habits the better chance you have at being better equipped next time around.
So that’s just 4 swift ways I waned to share with you because a lot of people funnily enough have messaged me feeling guilty for feeling the way that they are.
Listen, until we know better and can do better, we are all just learning this thing called life. There is no-one out there so in tune with their self that they never have these days.
We all have bad days. We all have days, when everything in our life regardless of how well it is going still feel completely off. There is nothing wrong with you, or about the way you think. Please know that.
I hope you are all staying safe and urge you all to check the https://www.youtube/c/findyourvoicepodcast out too :)
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
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"Alcohol saved my life" - Nancy Legere #96
Healing from trauma, being compassionate to others and forgiving ourselves are just some of the incredible points we tackle in this episode. Nancy bravely shares her story of childhood abuse and speaks about the things so many of us, who have gone through adversity need to know and do. We all need to heal, we all need to forgive ourselves and we all need to continue to shine our light on the world and find our voice.
From reading her forward in her book, I myself was in tears. Unable to comprehend how people can openly abuse or hurt others is still beyond me, but one thing I know is, that is on them! For anyone who may feel they are the fault, of any abuse or trauma, you are not. Nobody has the right to make you feel any less a person or to abuse your boundaries. I am also so grateful to have met Nancy as she is such a beautiful person who I felt a deep connection with via our talk.
I urge you all to check her book out and to use the lessons we bravely discuss in this episode to help yourselves move forward and heal from this trauma too.
Important time stamps:
[07:10] The importance of speaking about trauma (finding your voice)
[20:11] What to do if you are going through trauma
[29:30] Finding the silver lining in our adversity
[36:00] Would life be easier with adversity?
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Covid19, Covid-19, Coronavirus is just a phase of adversity we are all capable of overcoming and prospering from.
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
But Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Nancy:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nancy-legere-11a6363a
Life in the shadows book: https://amzn.to/2XR2Ywh
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Join up dots" by David Ralph #95
David Ralph is living life on his own terms. Doing the things he loves & avoiding those he don't. But it wasn't always this way. David like many of us has gone through the motions of life, often neglecting his health. Spinning his wheels for things that don't light him up, fill him up with joy and just to get a pay cheque. But this all changed when David took a plunge and jumped into the entrepreneurial space.
Managing his own online businesses and running and hosting the successful Join Up Dots podcast, with over 2,000 episodes of GOLD, David now works on his own terms.. at least for the majority of the week.
We discuss the 4 hour week and how books can change your life, minimalism, finding your joy and just enjoying the process along the way. So often we spend too long on the noise of the world, and we must instead look at the things that keep us thriving and wanting to put those long hours in.
With a week away from uploading any episodes we are now back and ready to bring you some incredible episodes to help you move forward to find your voice & write your own story.
If you enjoyed it or found it useful, let me know! Also drop by the YouTube channel as we have content everyday going out now to help you.
Audio versions of the Find Your Voice episodes, video recordings of some episodes, animations telling stories, giving tips and much much more!
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Covid19, Covid-19, Coronavirus is just a phase of adversity we are all capable of overcoming and prospering from.
Buy The 4 hour work week: https://amzn.to/3cuAwnZ
But Essentialism: https://amzn.to/2xHUTiL
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
David Ralph: https://joinupdots.com/
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Motivation comes in dribs & drabs! In fact, it seems to elude us when we need it most & appear when we can't use it as effectively. Ever get that moment of motivation after a few beers but know deep down you won't execute there and then and even less likely too, in the morning with hangover? Then on the flip side you know you need to work out but it's becoming increasingly difficult to get your body and mind to adhere to your wishes and instead you excuse yourself, let yourself off the hook and tell yourself, you will do better tomorrow?
Well this is why I hope this short bite sized episode will help you at least find another resource to add to your tool kit and get yourself doing things, to execute your goals, overcome your adversity and be happier!
So as I wrote these shownotes, I recognised my Morbid motivation videos are only on my Instagram profile. However I will be uploaded a YouTube version in the upcoming weeks if you want more clarrity on this. I spoke about this at Toastmasters too and it helped me win an award for the best speech.
If you enjoyed it or found it useful, let me know! Also drop by the YouTube channel as we have content everyday going out now to help you.
Audio versions of the Find Your Voice episodes, video recordings of some episodes, animations telling stories, giving tips and much much more!
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Covid19, Covid-19, Coronavirus is just a phase of adversity we are all capable of overcoming and prospering from.
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
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See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
As we are raising awareness for domestic violence week, this episode could not have come at a more important time. Teaira has only known adversity for the majority of her life, but due to her mindset, resilience and experience she has become an expert at overcoming it. Putting this down to her perspective and persistence Teaira does not just share an emotive sad story. There is a huge underlying theme of hope.
She has proven that regardless of the hands, you are dealt, the decision to change the rest of your life is still yours. The choice, that power, that decision should never be taken for granted. Teaira is now operating from such a higher place of self-worth and consciousness she is helping others overcome their adversities too.
I know you will enjoy this, trademark Find Your Voice style episode & I encourage you all to let me know your feedback after listening.
Thanks for stopping by.
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
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I sympathise with anyone at this time. Noone is unaffected but and as I always state about our problems not being exclusive to ourselves, there is no truer realisation for us all that, that is the case.
However, conscious that loneliness and self-isolation can increase the pressures on our mental health during this period of corona virus (Covid-19) I want to try to help you with 10 things you can do that will massively help you during these testing times.
Prior to listening to this, you may want to check the last episode out which has a further 10 hacks, that will help you during this pandemic too. My goal is to ensure you do not lose momentum or suffer alone in these times. So I sincerely hope these help you.
Check out Thursdays episode: https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/control-the-controllables-how-to-survive-during-corona-isola
10 things everyone can do during isolation - social distancing for your mental health
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Get help from your local governments. Money along with health is the most feared concept for all people. For its not a concern, but for many it is. So in these times, reach out to your local governments as they will have many ways they can help you. Direct debits etc can also be reduced or stalled from car finance companies etc to really help you during this moment of uncertainty.
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Start with gratitude, isolation is not the end. Isolation is protecting ourselves, but just as importantly protecting those who are vulnerable. I believe with all of my heart if you listen to my podcast, you are like me. You care just as much for others as you do for yourself. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t imagine you’d be sticking around for long. So gratitude for us is a must. We should be grateful we are in a position to help others (even through technically doing nothing). We should be grateful for having a roof over our heads, access to water and toilets/showers. The ability to connect via FaceTime, Skype, WhatsApp or mobiles to all our loved ones too.
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Read some books. Or if you’re like me listen to them. This is a time to enhance your mind without the pressures of being somewhere else or having to do anything else. Books allow us to time collapse our journeys, change our perspectives and just develop. If you want recommendations please let me know, although most of my books are non-fiction personal developments. But even if its a fiction book, knock off those slippers kick back and read to your hearts content.
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Watch this is us. Now I am obviously looking for an endorsement but this show has been incredible. It looks at all the different obstacles and adversities we face in life, from parenting, to racism, to self-image, confidence etc Yet the messages are beautifully scripted and acted out. I literally leave each show with my heart full and head bursting with ideas for blogs and podcast shows to hopefully help you all.
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Recharge your batteries. So often in life we are on autopilot and rarely take a step back to look at our well-being. This is time to sit back, re assess your life and see if the story you are writing is one you want to continue to writing. Would you be happy doing this for the next 10-15 years? If no, then you have such a huge possibility to change your future by starting today. 5 years ago today I would have believed I had to work till I was 65, yet here I am able to connect with you all and do the things that fill my heart more than anything in the world. It took blood sweat and tears but it started with the decision to do so. You have that power to make the decision now, even if you think you don’t.
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Clean! If you’re a guy, do some handy work around the house and clean. You will get yourself some brownie points, but you also have a cleaner house & decluttering helps with your mind space.
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Skype/Zoom people. This is crucial, because although it won’t replace physical social interaction we need to communicate with people, and we do not want to suffer with loneliness. So reach out to your loved ones. Hey reach out to me! I am always active on Instagram and ill try to reach back out to you too.
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Journal. If you are suffering with anxiety in this time, journaling is my #1 tool for combatting overwhelm and anxious feelings. Just throw anything and everything in your head onto paper and watch your brain feel lighter, mood get brighter and smile get wider over time. Its powerful beyond belief!
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Start your day with Find Your Voice Podcast!
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Learn something new. Okay so to date we probably learnt a few celebrities have got coronavirus and that its taking over the world, with people snatching toilet rolls and doing all sorts of crazy habits. Well the time you spend, reading the same information that will only add to your anxiety, perhaps you could randomly research something you’re interested about? How about brain health? How about the benefits of adversity? Or how to cook pad thai? How to exercise at home? It can truly be anything, but time I something we will never got back. Skill sets and new learnings are also things we will always have. So
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Covid19, Covid-19, Coronavirus is just a phase of adversity we are all capable of overcoming and prospering from.
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Always try to Control the Controllables" by Aren Deu #91
In a time of huge uncertainty, where fear is upon many of us, and we often feel helpless, defenceless and desperate we need to ensure we regain control of our lives. We need to eliminate our excuses irrespective of how good or true they may be. We need to overcome this adversity and move forward in life. The best way to do this, is to truly control the controllables and recognise that in the midst of this current climate, with Corona (COVID-19) taking its toll on the world, we still have so much control of the rest of our lives. Our thoughts, bodies and minds are still within our control should we recognise this and work towards ensuring we master it.
I urge you all to just listen to this episode or check out the YouTube and really use this time to benefit your life moving forward. If I can help in anyway please do not hesitate to reach out.
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Your sleep routine is so crucial.
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Your nutrition, both hydration and the food you consume.
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How to speak to yourself (especially if your self-isolated). Your thoughts impact your emotions & actions.
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What you choose to listen and watch (I am all for Netflix, and Amazon) but I am so against things that do not serve my mindset.
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How you look after your physical body (Exercise at home) ?
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How you treat others (a dog eat dog world). Let's not act like animals and be kinder and more compassionate and not let desperation take over our values.
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Future proof yourself, if this happens (Formulate a plan and ensure if you are struggling this does not happen again. We have to learn from our moments of adversity and circumstances)
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Levels of gratitude more so now than ever.
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Learn a new skill. Language, online course or something you’ve always wanted to do. Write, blog, podcast do it today!!
Covid19, Covid-19, Corona Virus is just a phase of adversity we are all capable of overcoming and prospering from.
Also do not forget to check out our new sponsor coming soon: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"You don't need to have it all figured out, you just need to realise your strengths, trust your gut & take action" by Betitina Árnafjall #90
Bettina states the following:
"It's my heart's desire to share the many experiences I made in my eight years as a team manager to help all you women out there to avoid mistakes, change your mindset and behavior and take your career to the next level" and through this fascinating discussion you can see exactly why.
Suffering with confidence issues throughout her own life, imposter syndrome and never really having it all figured out she continued to pursue her desire and develop her passion into serving others. Recognising that none of us have it all figured out, and we all have our doubts and moments of uncertainty she still persevered. She also recognised it was her action and commitment to the process that allowed her to achieve the results she is achieving today.
Some areas she specialises in or speaks about are:
- Confidence is key for your career
- Don't confuse loyalty and a false sense of duty
- Your career doesn't need to be a "career"
- The top 5 job search Dos and Don'ts
- Top 5 things to promote your career as a woman
- Are there unsuitable jobs for women?
- The gender gap - a team manager's perspective
- How not to get paid less as a woman
- How to research a realistic salary
- Salary negotiation tips
- How to get a raise
This was a fascinating conversation and fortunately we managed to get it recorded this time around.
Some Key Time stamps:
[02:50] Bettina's own struggles with confidence
[07:30] Doing things even when you aren't sure
[11:50] My own imposter syndrome with podcasting
[23:35] Migraines ruining Bettina's life
[29:50] Fun part of the show
[33:00] Bettinas final message - How to be successful without a master plan
I urge you all to follow her journey & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Bettina:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenscareerlift/
Website : https://www.womenscareerlift.com/resume-online-course
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"We all lack confidence in certain areas of our life" - Aren Deu #87
5 Ways to Build Confidence Part 2
If you haven't already, you may want to check out https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/how-to-build-confidence
Where i discussed the first 5 things to help build confidence. To quickly recap these included:
1 getting things done, 2 exercising, 3, staying true to your word, 4 ensuring you don’t get overwhelmed and 5 recognising the lack of confidence is not exclusive to you and we all, in certain areas of our lives experience it.
But please do obviously check it out for an in-depth 10-minute explanation.
But for this episode, these are the 5 ways (well 6, with the bonus tip) to help you build your confidence.
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Preparation. One of the ways I managed to handle my public speaking fear, was to be incredibly prepared. Now there is a well known fact that even the most confidence amongst us, such as French Prince of Bel-Air who we all loved and adored if you were an 80/90s baby, can be seen whispering the lines of every single person in the episode before his own lines. Why? It was his first major gig at acting, he wanted to make sure he didn't make mistakes or mess up his opportunity, so he prepared!! For many of us, a lack of confidence can be due to a lack of competencies or knowledge so the best way to get over this, is too just over prepare! I've done it, I still do it and I promise you it will hugely enhance your confidence
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Improve your posture. There is a psychological and physiologically benefits to improving one's posture. If you are trying to negotiate something, or get a point across but you have your shoulders slouched, back hunched over like the dude from Notre dam you are likely 1 not going to portray a confident person, but 2 not even feel it. Put those shoulders back, work on your eye contact and pump that chest out. It may feel stupidly awkward by the way, initially but it's empowering once you recognise people start to take more notice of you.
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Music! Yes, music is one of the best things for our minds and bodies if we choose the right tracks, to empower us. I don’t know about you, but there are some songs that I feel I can genuinely take on the world after it. Either for their lyrics the beat or just the feeling of when I first ever heard that song. I call these power songs. Find your power songs and get them ready before you need to be more confident. Now being fully transparent here, I do this on the way to football matches, or when I spar in boxing because sometimes my anxiety and own self doubts can cripple my performances, but if I can get those tunes playing at the right time, I am usually unstoppable! Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but I usually feel proud of myself as I gave my all without self sabotaging my performance before I even step into the ring or on the field.
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Visualise. There is something magical about visualisation and maybe ill do a podcast on this separately in more depth. But your imagination has the power to boost your confidence massively. Experts believe that mental visualisation practices such as delivering the perfect speech, hitting that home run, successful getting a new client etc, can prepare your brain for the outcome and give you that sense of achievement. Combined with positive affirmations of how you can achieve this, are worthy of achieving this, you can literally accomplish it in your head, mind and body before you actually go out there and do it. Which you will!
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Do something difficult. There is something special about learning to become comfortable whilst actually being uncomfortable. We will never improve ourselves or you will never truly find your voice if you remain in your comfort zone. We need to stretch it, push it, step outside it and learn to wonder in a bit of uncertainty, a bit of uncomfortable to really grow as humans. Overtime, if you consistently do this to yourself, you will quickly start to fell unstoppable and recognise that the things you used to think were impossible, or were going to kill you, harm you, or scare you senseless actually didn’t turn out so bad after all!
And just because I think a 3 part episode would be an overkill, I’ve taken 1 more confidence boosting tip to truly help move forward and find your voice:
- Smile at random people. I tried this exercise a few weeks back, but I started in comfortable places like the local gym, where everyone is so polite anyway. So rather than avoiding eye contact like I so often do, I started to look at people in the eyes and just push those cheek up and flash a smile. And guess what? I didn’t die. I didn’t get called a weirdo. I didn't break out in a sweat. I actually got welcoming greetings and smiles back. The benefit of all of that? I had a great work out and more importantly was in such a great mood for the remainder of the day… Smiling is contagious and as much as those people made my day, id like to think my awkward smile did the same!
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
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"Over 75% have developed mental illness by the age of 18" by Bobby Temps #88
A face to face conversation with one of today's, local mental health advocates who is making huge positive changes in the space. Delighted to welcome Bobby Temps, the host of the Podcast entitled: Mental - The Podcast to Destigmatise Mental Health on to Find Your Voice where I got to know the man himself. Always intrigued as to why people do what they do, I wanted to understand why Bobby does the work he does, for mental health and also to understand where these motivators came from.
This was an insightful and thought-provoking interview where we delved into many areas. We discussed the pressures society can place upon us. The pressures our parents can have on our own mental illness. Anxiety, Depression, Loneliness, Burnout and even body dysmorphia. All these can sometimes be very taboo like and we often navigate around them, rather than discussing them But keen to not just be another Mental Health hashtag episode we promised ourselves and each other we would be 100% open and transparent.
Realising that we can all internalise things with a different perspective it is always a goal of mine personally to bring on as many people as possible even within the same bracket of adversity that they often highlight shaped their lives. This will in my hope, help you as listeners gain a different method, or perspective of coping and managing your own life.
The beautiful thing with this interview, and something I learned midway through it was that a petition has now been signed with over 196,000 signatures, as I write this to help
Some Key Time stamps:
[04:45] Destigmatise Mental Health / Mental illness
[08:40] Family pressures - Bobby
[15:50] Family pressures - Aren
[23:40] The statistics around Mental illness
[30:30] Positive affirmations around Body Dysmorphia
[39:15] Mental illness & Trauma you have experienced
[45:00] Fun part of the show
I urge you all to follow his journey:
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Bobby:
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/bobbytemps/
Website: https://www.mentalpodcast.co.uk/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/mental_podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mentalpodcast/?hl=en
Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/mental-the-podcast-to-destigmatise-mental-health/id1358920477
Some Mental recommendations:
Samaritans
Someone to talk to who really listens with someone always there to pick up the phone. They do not offer advise but a space to speak anonymously about what is on your mind and can signpost other organisations. There number is free and won’t show up on your phone bill.
If you are a student Nightline offers a similar services tailored for you and run by student volunteers - https://nightline.ac.uk
Bias warning- Bobby used to volunteer here!
Counselling Services
There is no definitive route to finding the right service for you, so try googling for your local area. Remember you can always go in for a session and you don’t have to go back if you feel uncomfortable. The NHS also offers counselling but this is in part dependant on your personal situation and there is usually a waiting list.
The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy has a directory for support services on their website bacp.co.uk
Organisations with a wide range of services:
rethink.org - 'We help millions of people affected by mental illness by challenging attitudes and lives with information and practical advice.'
mind.org.uk - ‘We're Mind, the mental health charity. We're here to make sure no one has to face a mental health problem alone.’
time-to-change.org.uk - ‘We are a growing movement of people changing how we all think and act about mental health problems.’
Services relating to topics we cover
For a far broader list of services visit:
time-to-change.org.uk/what-are-mental-health-problems/mental-health-help-you/other-useful-organisations
Petition :
https://www.change.org/p/make-mental-health-education-mandatory-in-all-schools
Since starting this petition, we have received support from politicians across the political spectrum and it has reached over 195,000 signatures. Plus the Department of Education, Ofsted and the Welsh Assembly are already working to make these changes a reality.
When working to reduce stigma, I am continually concerned how a lack of education around mental health is contributing factor. This is something regularly raised as a mutual concern by guests on my mental health podcast plus several of them are actively working to fill this need by doing talks and workshops in schools. With one in four of us experiencing mental illness every year according to the charity Mind, this seems to be a real and very significant gap in our education system.
KEY STATISTICS:
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One in ten children aged between 5 and 16 years has been diagnosed with/shows signs of a mental health problem, and many continue to have these problems into adulthood. (1)
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Over half of all mental ill health starts before the age of 14 years, and 75% of this has developed by the age of 18. (2)
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NHS England estimates that poor mental health costs the NHS and society £105 billion a year in England alone. (3)
The statistics are shocking, yet whilst there is a whole subject in the curriculum around our physical health in the form of PE, our young people are left without any knowledge of even the most common mental illnesses.
Not only does this leave them unprepared and vulnerable when it comes to looking out for their own mental health, but also sets the standard that Mental Health is not discussed. This plants a seed of stigma that many carry for their whole lives.
Upon further research, there generally seems very little in the way of guidelines currently. For example, if Romeo and Juliet is studied as part of the curriculum when the two title characters kill themselves, this is considered the end of the story or worse romanticised as an ideal form of love. The very serious topic of suicide is frequently not even mentioned as part of schooling, and yet according to the BBC, suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 49.
It’s time to make a change. Even if a law was passed so every child receives one class about mental health during their time at school, this would be more than the vast majority currently get. We are keen to hear back from those in power on a more extensive plan to better the lives of our nation’s young people.
CAMPAIGNING FOR:
- Mental Health education becoming mandatory teaching for all schools in the UK without the addition of any exams or homework on this subject.
- Every child having the ability to access a qualified counsellor through their school. This is something that many workplaces already offer.
- Every school offering Mental Health training for its staff.
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"We all lack confidence in certain areas of our life" - Aren Deu #87
Here are 5 Ways to Build Confidence (Part 2 out next week).
So firstly what is confidence?
Confidence is the feeling or believe that one can have faith or rely on someone or something. A simple enough definition right?
But if you are anything like me, throughout my life some things I’ve really wanted to do, or needed to do i’e just not been confident at, and that sucks!
So I’ve dissected this episode into 2 parts, as this topic has 1000s of ways to help you, to build you confidence.
So let’s get started:
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Get things done. Funnily enough, confidence is not something many of us can just wish into existence. It requires a bit of growth, uncomfortable moments or actually executing on something. Sounds like a tough deal right? Well not really. You see if you truly want to achieve something you don’t have already, or become someone you aren’t already you have to be willing to put the work in, in order to grow. This is where doing things that you can tick of as accomplishments will build your confidence. Even if it just small things, this matters too. Consistently improving or doing things you wouldn’t usually feel confident about, or shy away from over time will build confidence. A great example? Me doing this recording now, 90 episodes in. It feels easier, I worry that bit less, and I am confident in the message and hopefully that shines through. Hopefully.
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Exercise. Now this list wouldn’t be a list without confidence. You see there is something about exercising that can be transferred across all walks of life. The small incremental increases in strength, speed, power, endurance etc is one thing. But how about, starting something (no-one is naturally a professional at) and spending days, hours on end working on the activity to slowly recognise how much better you become at it, how easier those first sessions would be if you were to mimic those? Plus you also benefit from releasing feel good endorphins, enhance your physical appearance and that in itself enhances one's confidence. Look good, feel good!
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Stay true to your word. This is something that over the years has massively built my own personal confidence. Not only will people respect people that say what they do and do what they say, but the most important person in your life will also respect that too. Yes YOU! If you can commit to your words via actions, slowly but surely, you will build confidence in yourself. You will see yourself as someone, irrespective of emotions and feelings, will go out there and do exactly what they say they will do. Do this long enough, you will be as confident as they come.
-
Don’t overwhelm yourself. It is easy to want to be confident today, especially if you really suck at it. But it’s a process. Just like finding your voice hey! It takes time, hours, days months or even years. But if you can be patient and remain consistent enough confidence will in itself start to show. I never liked public speaking, and although I have many things I'd prefer to do, I manage it okay now. I never liked taking on the phone, could you believe that? And now, phone calls aren’t too scary. But it takes time, sadly this episode alone won’t just suddenly make you confident
-
Know that you aren’t alone. Everyone is confident at certain things and everyone is not so confident at others. We often look at people within the thing we want to pursue or become confident and think that person is incredible. Almost put them on a pedestal assuming they are confident at life as a whole. This is far from the truth. For example. I am confident in physical activities, way more than I am in speaking activities. Yet I am more confident in boxing than I would be in cricket. I am more confident interviewing guests than being a guest myself. We all have particular things that we shine in and others we don't. So the key is to ensure we don’t beat ourselves up and know that everyone has their own journey and everyone has to build confidence in the things that matter or are required for them.
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"You are NOT your Anger" by Alexander Walker #86
Alexander Walker, is a clinical hypnotherapist who works with clients who have or are experiencing depression, bipolar, anxiety and stress. But he fell into this line of work due suffering depression himself, struggling with his own anger and realising he never quite fitted in. Eager to now help others, having dug himself out of his own hole, Alexander helps people on a daily basis. He kindly joined us on the show today, where he shared methods for reducing anxiety and overwhelm; managing anger management and more important recognising that our thoughts are not us. Our emotions are not us. We are not moments of our life, we are much more than that. This insightful perspective of looking at how we often criticise or judge ourselves, can increase our happiness almost instantly.
It is for that reason, I encourage you all to listen to this episode, maybe even watch it on YouTube where it is not edited and has a few extra bits thrown in. It will teach you to manage your emotions and thoughts much better, which in turn will enhance your life, improve your happiness and help you find your voice.
Let me know your thoughts, and be sure to share this on social media and share it with anyone you feel could benefit from the wisdom Alexander shared.
Some Key Time stamps:
[04:30] Understanding my own Depression - Alexander
[09:00] Controlling your thoughts & bringing in a new experience
[14:00] Dealing & Understanding your Anger problems
[17:55] Why some people act in a "bad" way
[25:30] You are responsible for your world - The HO-OPON-OPONO Technique
[31:10] Acknowledge the small wins in your life + Your Journey Matters
I urge you all to follow his journey:
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Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD
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Links to Alexander:
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Alexander-Walker-Clinical-Hypnotherapist-347417235732572/
Website : https://www.alexanderwalkerch.com
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"Why do we do what we do?" by Aren Deu #85
A bit of a brain dump of an episode here, where I ask you the question "Do you help people because you want to be a hero, or do you want to truly just help people?" The reason behind this however, is that I am intrigued as to why we do what we do.
So ask yourself:
Do you help people because you want to be a hero?
OR
Because you just truly want to actually help?
You often see in life, myself included - I am not perfect - we tend to help people for mixed reasons.
But more so with social media & with narcissism traits becoming more apparent by the hour, I see people offering help or assistance with a hidden agenda/intent.
Not saying this is wrong by the way, after all I am just 1 man's opinion, voicing my thoughts from time to time.
But I am truly, truly fascinated in understanding why do we do what we do?
Why do we need to suddenly try to take advantage of mental health deaths & post of the back of it pretending it has always been our cause? Why do we jump on trending topics in attempt to show our own 'worthiness'?
Why does tragedy force us to open up our social media accounts & show the world we are so great rather than show those around us, in person, around the corner, a drive away their importance first and foremost?
Why do we need to shout from the rooftops of our “Charitable work”?
To encourage others, or to prove to ourselves and others that we are good people?
I am fascinated by this & I don’t know the answers yet.
But I would in my limited knowledge put it down to, ego, a lack of something, a need for external validation, narcissism or not feeling enough irrespective of what you may actually already have..
I expect no-one to state they help people because they want something back. I am sure we all like to see ourselves as the latter of the initial questions. But deep down, we are all capable of figuring out and understanding why we do what we do, if we do not already know!
Nonetheless, I ask you the question, rhetorically of course.
Do you help people because you want them to see you as a hero?
OR
Do you help people because, you can, expecting nothing back and because it is always a good thing to do & you just want to genuinely help?
This is a huge self awareness exercise that will teach us all an amazing lesson. Take time to figure this out, and really understand who you are.
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"Our biggest enemies, are our biggest teachers" by Andrea #84
From Emotional Eating & Bulimia to Removing Breast Implants & Self Love Mastery Andrea opens up about how we all need to love ourselves.
What an incredible story this was. Andrea's journey of overcoming emotional eating, bulimia and the beliefs and thoughts of others is inspiring to say the least. She has seen her own mind transform, but also her body too. A chapter of her story we discussed which I believe is very significant to this episode, was about her breast implants. Having initially done this, to fit in, to feel love in herself she had these removed 10 years later. Recognising that she needed to love herself first and foremost she is now in a place where she is able to live with happiness and comfort in her own body and mind, but also help many other people too.
A beautiful conversation with some amazing takeaways for you all to learn and grow from. I urge you to check the YouTube version which has more content and fewer edits to get everything from this episode.
Some Key Time stamps:
[03:30] Why do we do what we do?
[08:30] Triggers that affect you or others
[13:40] Don't suppress or avoid feeling your emotions
[19:40] Removing breast implants - Self Love
[29:00] Listening to other peoples opinions and beliefs
I urge you all to follow his journey:
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD
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Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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Links to Andrea:
Website: https://ditchthescale.com/applypage
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thingsandreasays
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"You must become self-aware enough to recognise you have the capability to always be in control" by Aren Deu #83
This is me letting my guard down a bit. We need to promote more vulnerability and transparency, especially if we have an audience or people that listen to us. Whether it is your peers, spouse, children, parents, pupils or friends. We have to be honest about where we are in life, and we have to share not only the things that will benefit us, but also the things we are going through on a daily basis.
Since sharing my anxiety, things have changed more than you can ever imagine. I realised I am not alone. But on this episode, I speak about another area of my life I really want to take control of, just like the introduction states in the beginning. We need to at least acknowledge at the very least, we have the capability to take control of our lives. It is then we can work diligently towards that and embrace the opportunities that will enable us to do it, to truly grow. In this growth, we will become capable of controlling our vices and master ourselves. It is then we will finally be able to truly find our voice.
I hope you enjoyed this one!
Thanks for listening.
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"Success Loves Speed" by Erik Salzenstein #82
Erik Talks about you have the power of change through your actions & your decisions. By building better more meaningful relationships and embracing the fact we are not alone we can achieve whatever success we want, and achieve our goals. Sometimes having an intention is not enough and to turn our life around we need to take the right action and this requires some tips that Erik speaks about in this episode.
But Erik's life was not always as simple as it sounds from this summary. Erik spent the first half of his current life making the odd wrong decision and recognised swiftly how these had such a negative impact on his life. Needing to change his circumstances and not just wanting to change them he made a positive change. He transformed himself from Prison to Prosperity. A truly humble and genuine soul who has become a friend not only of the show but myself. He is one who practices what he preaches and serves people with his authenticity and skill set.
Some Key Time stamps:
[02:30] Making the wrong decisions
[09:30] Prison life
[17:20] The 2 Books that Changed Eriks Life
[30:00] Stretching Your Comfort Zone
I urge you all to follow his journey:
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Erik:
Website: https://eriksalzenstein.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/salzenstein/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Erik-Salzenstein-139557716769533/
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"Perspective is everything" by Aren Deu #81
Now one great thing about human being is we have the capability to take on a different perspective at any given time.
For example, let me try to use my Mind reading tactics and see into your lives right now.
For those of you who are driving to work, thinking my god, another day, I can’t wait for the weekend or to get this dreaded meeting out the way.
How about we choose the perspective off, I have a beautiful car, that I can afford to fuel up, stay warm in and drive to work and attend meetings that people trust me in and earn a wage to enjoy my weekend antics?
Simple right?
But what about those of you listening to this on a weekend or at home just feeling sluggish or not with it? Thats okay BTW, but let's shift gears and your perspective here too.
How much more fortunate are you than the millions of people who don’t have access to mobiles, warm centra healing, a roof over the head or the ability to consume information to help move them forward?
How fortunate are you that at the press of a few buttons you can instantly change your state and mindset and become happier. For some that isn’t as easy, and they have a tougher task. Especially if they aren’t in a safe environment like yourself.
So I think you get where I am going with this right?
Sometimes what we see, experience, and believe is not completely valid or true.
Now you can also do this with people too.
I am sure many of us, myself included, have judged someone through our own thoughts, experiences and views. But have we taken a second to reflect back and think how is that person coping, or why are they acting this way?
Now of course that particular example could just be that person being an absolute douche, but haven’t you done things you aren’t always proud off? Most likely when we see people act or say things that we often find strange, odd, offensive or “wrong” it comes from a place or experience way earlier than when they actually said it.
I've had arguments or shall I call them disagreements that have only started because I’ve been frustrated about something entirely different I never settled.
Crazy hey?
Now this is an episode I want to expand on, maybe in the future because it really does drive everything we do. Our thoughts, actions and emotions are linked so heavily with our very own perspective but for now here are 5 quick ways to change your perspective:
-
Look for something positive in every single situation. Sometimes this is more difficult than we can imagine. Having the majority of my adversities through losing people close to me, one thing I will forever be grateful for is having them in my life at one stage, having their relationships and those memories in my thoughts forever. Or how about losing your job? Something I have had many listeners reach out to me about. Great this shows you a few things. 1 THE ONLY security is your own development and skill set and this should never be sidelined whilst working for someone else. 2 maybe you have a chance to find a better venture or try something you always wanted. Or 3 well losing a job is better than losing something more important, like your health or someone near or dear to you.
-
Always look at the end goal or bigger picture. I always have a mantra I live by and ask myself, when stuff goes wrong, what is this teaching me right now? How much better will I be in 6, 12 18 months time as a result of this experience? This helps trust me.
-
Smile. So I suck at disagreements. I am either non cooperating or I’m like the worst person to ever get into a fight with. But one thing that has always helped is smiling! Honestly, next time your angry or upset or thinking in ways that dont serve you, force yourself to smile or laugh, or find something that makes you do it. Watch your state change and mood boost!
-
Help people. When you help those in need, or those who can't do anything back for you I promise you the perspective changes and your levels of gratitude and appreciation for your own circumstances increase. Help someone cross the road, or maybe buy them a coffee or spend an hour with them if they don't have family or friends around. These little kindness gestures will show you that on a grand scheme of things, there’s more important things to life and alter your perspective for the better
-
Listen back to some older episodes. Now if you have listened to them all, then you know deep down what I am about to say is true. The perspective shift you can get from seeing someone, with the same situation, or maybe even worse than you get up, dust themselves off and preserve towards finding their voice should immensely alter your perspective. The times I feel low, I think of episode 4 Joshua, or the times I curse cancer for its sickness across my family I think of Louise & Bep on episodes 14 & 17 respectively. There is always someone out there with worse cards playing the game better than you. That should inspire and motivate you to want to grow, to want to change and to want to alter your perspective.
So before I continue bashing on at you all in hopes you really at least try a few of these to shift your perspective to better serve not only yourselves but those around you, I am going close the show here.
I am hopeful that these episodes really do provide tangible takeaways and insights for you to truly find your way in life, truly find your voice and to overcome whatever thoughts you currently have in your head that aren’t quite serving you.
So until next time I hope you have an awesome day and once again I thank you all for listening
Thanks for listening.
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"Tales of broken chains" by Sarah Davis #80
A courageous woman who gives a platform for others to share their stories and her own, unapologetically Sarah Davis brings some joy into this episode. Having been in an abusive relationship Sarah found it difficult to find herself and voice due to the trauma it caused her. But now, an aspiring entrepreneur who hosts the Broken Chains Podcast Sarah is enjoying herself, loving herself and finding her voice.
An infectious personality as you will see from the YouTube version of this podcast, Sarah has come out the other side of adversity but as she states early on in this episode, you have to do it for you. You have to take control of your life, because nobody else can do it for you.
Let us know your thoughts and reach out to Sarah and follow her journey as I am sure you will find huge value from her.
Some Key Time stamps:
[06:15] Overcoming Abusive Relationships
[10:30] Finding your voice & purpose
[16:30] School systems are failing us
[23:20] Journaling is key
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Amazon 5 Minute journal: https://amzn.to/31IJlGD
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
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Links to Sarah:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brokenchainsradio/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SDavis14
Podcast: Broken Chains Radio
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"Don't compare yourself to 1 area of someone elses life" by Aren Deu #79
Putting people on a pedestal is a dangerous game that will not serve you. It simply has no benefit to your happiness or mental health. Furthermore, it will cause you to behave and act in a manner that actually adds very little to your own progress. Now I am not sitting here preaching about this, like I haven't done it. I have. I have put people on a pedestal many times in the past. But since I stopped doing that, my world started to change. Since I started to recognise my own powers, traits and strengths I became much happier in my own skin. I want this for you too.
So there’s a few reasons we need to stop this
-
Yes the first is comparison is the thief of joy, but if you are comparing yourself with an influencer or a rich person because you don’t have many followers or much money, the chances are you will begin to feel low and almost indirectly subconsciously conform to that persons narrative. You will Be more likely to believe or listen to them on their own matters and personal opinions irrespective of what the truth actually is. Why is this a problem?
-
Well the second point is it forces you to not think. It forces you to hold someone in such high esteem based off 1 or 2 traits you then loosely accept their views and don't give yourself the chance to conjure and manifest your own thoughts that's a dangerous place! You will just simply become a sheep and for what? Is it because you have a few less pounds in your account You are so worth more than that.
-
What about their other values and characteristics? Listen I am all for people creating wealth and earning shit loads of money. It'll eradicate many of your daily stresses and struggles, it’ll teach you money isn’t the be and end all and it’ll also hopefully, if you're a good person which I know you are if you made it this far or listen to these types of podcasts do more good in the world. But what about their integrity? Their values? Their charitable nature? Are they treating their spouse right? Do they treat the janitor at the local store the same way they treat investors or show themselves on social media? How do they speak to their parents, or their children? I could go on. But so often we look at what we are lacking, and try to find that in others.
-
Now this moves me onto point 4. We need to look at what we find inspiring in others and leave it there. We need to not compare, or down value ourselves and recognise that we all have our own journeys. You may have excelled far greater in compassion and kindness than financial gain. So now all you need to do is work out how to level up your finances, or social status or physique depending on what you need or desire. We need to move the conversation back to ourselves and work on masking our potential out so that we can in turn, be proud of ourselves. Progression is key in this and although I encourage looking t people for the blueprint or who have it as a reason why its possible for you, I never want it to be a reason why you disregard your own voice, your own skills and ability to do and become much more.
So I just wanted to leave it there as this is something I've done too. I've been doing work of service most my life. I've always tried to be as kind as possible, I've always remained loyal to my spouse, my friends and family. Yet I have too been in situations where I've held people in high regard because they’ve had more influential stance than me or more money. But now I don't. You see I recognised very quickly, my relationships and thoughts are the key to my own happiness. I have amazing relationships and as I progress I'm slowly having more empowering and greater thoughts. These thoughts in turn lead to better decisions and actions and my life is pretty kick ass right now!
Had I stayed in comparison mode, who knows how id feel about myself? Who knows how far id push myself or think for myself.
I do not want you to just be a drifter through your life, a term I took from an incredible book ill be filling you all in very soon!
Thanks for listening.
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Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
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"I believe that love is action" by Wendy Adamson #78
Wendy Adamson, has a story that sounds like it is from a Hollywood movie. Almost so morbid and depressive, when we signal the events but one that has a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Distraught and riddled with adversity, Wendy has seen her own mother who was diagnosed Schizophrenic commit suicide. She has seen first hand the problems drugs and alcohol can have on a family. Yet during her early years she was unable to change her circumstances and her choices led to her having a psychotic breakdown and following the footsteps of her mom.
To make things worse, Wendy then ended up shooting at the mistress of her husband and found her life spiralling out of control straight into country jail. Needing to now take action, and accountable for her decisions and choices Wendy started with forgiveness. She began to show her sons the love of a mother through her actions. Now a women of service Wendy shares her stories of adversity and experience to help others. Someone who is an author, a motivational speaker and activity. Wendy is such a courageous women who speaks her truth to inspire and help others.
A truly incredible story, and having experienced the effects of alcohol in my own family, I ordered her book straight after this show to hopefully give hope to my family who are struggling with addiction. it always helps having a blueprint, of someone who has overcome the trauma, ptsd and problems we have experienced in our lives.
Some Key Time stamps:
[01:15] Wendy's story
[06:45] Psychotic break
[08:00] Shooting her husbands mistress
[22:20] Wendys book - Mother Load her experiences and story
[29:00] Importance of being of value
[40:00] Inspite of adversity we can become and do more
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Wendy:
Website: https://wendyadamson.com
Mother load book by Wendy Adamson: https://amzn.to/36Q4UWP
Wendys son's Instagram: https://havasole.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/2jedi/
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"Perfect doesn't exist" - Aren Deu #77
Perfectionism is nothing to be proud of. Trust me, I used to wear it as a badge of honour daily. However, I have since realised it was just an excuse to not take action, to procrastinate and just delay my goals. So having had some recent feedback from listeners, who believed I had it all figured out, I felt it necessary to share the truth. (YouTube video, will be out tomorrow)
Also it is my goal, to ensure the listeners of find your voice aren't just talkers. Instead, I want you to be doers, to be action takers and be about it!! Finding your voice is about taking control of your life, overcoming your struggles and adversity and yes Finding Your Voice.
So off the back of a few listeners, one in particular, thinking I had my anxiety shyness conquered, oh you are so wrong!
Remember I am about as normal as you can get and just like you all. I get stressed, worried, nervous and anxious. I get frustrated, angry
overwhelmed too. To make matters worse, I know how to conquer many of these emotions, or at least control them. I have so much wisdom from my guests that I sometimes know the right thing to do, but even then I don't always do it.
So listen, it's okay to feel crappy, act crappy and be crappy on the odd occasion. Just remember not to make it a habit. The point is we just need to move forward from that, and we just need to try better next time. I guess that comes down to the right habits and discipline, executing and course correcting.
So whatever you have in your heart, feel it.
Whatever you have in your mind, speak it.
Whatever you want to do, just go out and do it please.
If one thing I learned this week is that life its just too bloody fragile.
I want to send my thoughts and condolences to the friends and family of those who lost someone in the tragic helicopter crash.
RIP (apologies if I pronounce this wrong):
Ara Zobayan
Sarah Chester
Payton Chester
Christina Mauser
Keri Altobelli
John Altobelli
Alyssa Altobelli
GigI Bryant
‘& Kobe Bryant
I want to also leave you on a quote that I saw from twitter that I just hope will stop you procrastinating and take note of the important things in your life, cherish them and make the most of every single second you have in this beautiful world.
“Leaving your home and getting back safely is such an underrated blessing”
blackmamba
Thanks for listening.
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
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"Blast Your Past" by Nick Davies #76
Nick Davies joins us on Find Your Voice to discuss; Panic attacks, Narcissism, Gaslighting, NLP & much more in this amazing episode.
An episode that I wanted to bring all you amazing listeners to really you take control of your lives. Nick Davies shares his 2 incredible protocols to help manage stress, overwhelm and anxiety within 5-10 minutes. These two protocols are called: The Lima Protocol and also the Tapping Protocol.
The Lima and Tapping Protocol are put onto a separate video for you all to gain access too:
https://youtu.be/q1YHHgPnuy8
Alongside this, we also discuss narcissist people and their cognitive blind spots, dissonance and the way they can harm people in society. Furthermore, the use of NLP to manipulate people is also discussed with Nick explaining certain things you should all be aware off.
But this is, just some of the amazing takeaways in this episode, as Nick also shares his work ethic, passion and tells a wonderful story of persistence and graft. An authentic individual, who overcame panic attacks, a stab wound to the heart and being dead for almost 25 minutes!
Miracles do happen, and with some of these techniques you wouldn't be far off thinking they are miracles too. As an anxious person myself, the use of these techniques have massively helped me personally, so I felt it my duty to share it with yourselves.
https://ndhypnotherapy.wordpress.com/
Some Key Time stamps:
Key timestamps:
[04:40] Nicks introduction to NLP in 1996
[07:00] The difference between Anxiety & Panic attacks
[07:55] Being stabbed in the heart
[11:40] The LIMA Protocol - To help you with your anxiety (available on separate YouTube Video} https://youtu.be/q1YHHgPnuy8
[17:40] The Tapping Protocol - To help you with stress, frustration or lower mood (available on separate YouTube Video} https://youtu.be/q1YHHgPnuy8
[23:45] NLP being used the wrong way
[36:00] Nick analysing my own body language
[43:30] Narcissist Traits explored - They think their right
[49:30] A Powerful Lesson of Perseverance & Hard work
Key Quotes by Nick:
On anxiety:
"Anxiety, is a fear of the future. A future based emotion"
"If you got anxiety, this is a precursor to panic"
On why Affirmations won't work:
Affirmations do not work, unless your in the alpha state"
"Your brain won't accept suggestions unless your in that alpha state"
On narcissists
"A narcissistic type of person, has to have an outrageous type of personality. When you analyse them, these people are very insecure"
"Whether there a murderer, burglar or narcissist, they don't know their that person. What they think their doing, they think their right."
"Cognitive blind spots are things where your unaware that your doing bad things"
On everyone moving forward:
"Trust yourself"
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Nick:
Website for free resources: https://ndhypnotherapy.wordpress.com/
Nicks website: http://www.ndhypnotherapy.com/
YouTube video for LIMA/Tapping Protocol: https://youtu.be/q1YHHgPnuy8
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nick.p.davies.3
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ndhypnotherapy/
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"I was once the king of failing" - Aren Deu #75
We will all fail at things in our life. Or how I now like to say, we will all have many opportunities in our life to learn and grow from things that didn't quite go according to plan. These opportunities are moments that we must acknowledge as important timestamps in our life that will help us level up. They will help us become wiser, gain invaluable experience and teach us so much about ourselves. It is for this reason alone, I want to encourage you all to stretch your comfort zone and begin to embrace 'failure'. Give yourselves the opportunities to become better by learning in the midst of obstacles and challenges that life will throw your way. The 3 points I discuss in this episode are shown below and I sincerely hope they add value.
- Get a reward from your failures as Eric Thomas says
- It gets easier next time
- It builds character
Thanks for listening.
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
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"Making a difference matters at any scale" by Chris Bello #74
An incredible story from a wonderful guy. Chris Bello echoes a life so similar to my own. Giving up work without a backup plan, jumping into real estate and also having a podcast to help impact and empower people. Also alongside this, Chris has gone on a similar personal development journey where he now sees himself as someone able to advise and help people overcome their mindset issues and improve their productivity hacks.
A conversation I thoroughly enjoyed and one I guess that made me feel better about some decisions in my life I often roll my eyes up at. Yet the one thing we both have in common more than just our job titles, is our true desire to serve and impact more people. Making a difference matters at any scale, regardless of whether its 1 person or 1 million and this is a mantra we both live by. A great individual who I highly recommend you follow post this show and if you are interested in freebies, check his links out below & subscribe to his podcast:
Some Key Time stamps:
Key timestamps:
[03:35] Chris' Story with no back up plan
[07:10] Importance of consistency in Podcasting
[13:15] Some daily habits Chris uses
[20:00] The benefits of failures / mistakes
[27:00] Chris legacy
Key Quotes by Chris:
"Making a difference matters at any scale, regardless of whether its 1 person or 1 million".
"Consistency over time and continuing to plant seeds, that will result in improving the world overall"
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Chris:
Free download: https://chrisbello.com/productivity/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisbello09/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chrisbello1990
Website: https://chrisbello.com/
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Comparison is the thief of Joy" - Theodore Roosevelt #73
This is part 2, so if you haven't heard part 1 I recommend you go and check that out first by clicking -->here<--
So having interviewed almost a 70 people now, from all over the world, I wanted to share some important success habits they shared on their episodes. Now if you are a true Find Your Voice fan, you will recognise all of these, but even then I hope it will jog your memory and come as an important reminder of habits you may not be implementing that you potentially could.
Also, I want to make sure that these habits, are explained and that you recognise, that you do not need to do all of these. Trust me that would be so overwhelming and drive you absolutely mad!
But what I do massively encourage is that you at least play around with a few of these and give yourself that hour or 2 a day to really try to put yourself first in order to achieve your goals and achieve excellence in your life.
Enjoy & don't forget to check part 1 -->here<--
10 successful habits part 2
-
[1] Surround yourself with successful people
-
[2] Believe in yourself
-
[3] Turn off your damn phone
-
[4] Watch yourself daily
-
[5] Increasing your streams of income
-
[6] Invest in assets
-
[7] Gratitude journal
-
[8] Think positively
-
[9] Wake up early
-
[10] Self love
Further information recommended on the following podcast episodes:
Episode 52 10 Ways to Become Selfless by Being More Selfish: https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/10-self-love-tips
Episode 58 5 Ways to be Kind to Yourself, When You Feel Low: https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/bekindtoyourself
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
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"Live peacefully doing what you love" by Evan Bradley Johnson #72
Evan Bradley Johnson dropped out of college, when he recognised quickly the corporate life was not for him. He wanted to be an entrepreneur, and that he did. He took over from his mothers business and has not looked back since. A different perspective, for the listeners of find your voice, that I hope you find useful. Finding Your Voice, or your way in life, can come through any avenue. Now I never want to prescribe something so matter of fact to you, without at least giving a balanced argument.
But the one thing I would strongly suggest you all do, moving forward in 2020, is to look at your life and see if its making you truly happy and fulfilled. If it is not, then you may need to reassess and look at where you need to go. Once you have this, I urge you to reverse engineer the process and find a way of becoming that person worthy and capable of living out those dreams.
Some great honest insights from an entrepreneur that aren't often discussed too within this episode that I am sure, those experienced or even newbies embarking on the journey will benefit from. Other topics discussed were finding things that make you happy and the importance of mindset.
Some Key Time stamps:
Key timestamps:
[05:00] Evan's entrepreneurial start
[07:28] The Best & Worst thing about being an entrepreneur
[16:50] Never forget how far you have come
[17:10] Evan's health problems
[25:40] Taking time for the things that you enjoy
Key Quotes by Evan:
"it's okay to have goals and try to achieve, but try to remember to take a step back and remember that there is a life happening to you in this moment, and its okay to take a breathe and enjoy that".
"Nothing is a perfectly great answer"
"Drop out of college"
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Evan:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100012678490353
Website: http://www.ipodcastedit.com
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence" - Vince Lombardi #71
So having interviewed almost a 70 people now, from all over the world, I wanted to share some important success habits they shared on their episodes. Now if you are a true Find Your Voice fan, you will recognise all of these, but even then I hope it will jog your memory and come as an important reminder of habits you may not be implementing that you potentially could.
Also, I want to make sure that these habits, are explained and that you recognise, that you do not need to do all of these. Trust me that would be so overwhelming and drive you absolutely mad!
But what I do massively encourage is that you at least play around with a few of these and give yourself that hour or 2 a day to really try to put yourself first in order to achieve your goals and achieve excellence in your life.
Enjoy & stay tuned for part 2
10 successful habits
-
[1] Planning the next day
-
[2] Identify your weaknesses and strengths
-
[3] Exercise
-
[4] Journaling
-
[5] Nutrition + Hydration
-
[6] Self reflection / assessment
Further information on episode 54
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/5-ways-on-how-to-become-more-self-aware
-
[7] 30 minutes of self development
-
[8] Goal setting - reviewing and visualising
Further information on episode 69
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/how-to-crush-your-goals-in-2020-69
-
[9] Affirmations / Self talk
-
[10] Develop a Growth Mindset
Further information on episode 40
https://shows.acast.com/findyourvoice/episodes/3-ways-to-fix-a-broken-mindset
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
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"Heart of the Sea" by Damien Rider #70
This was the most difficult podcast episode I had to title as it could have been titled so so many things, due to the insights and knowledge Damien dropped. His tag line reads: 'Triumph over adversity', overcoming PTSD, trauma and adversity is something Damien does as good as most. An incredible individual focused on surpassing his own mental and physical capabilities each and every day. A TedX speaker, an author, an ultra athlete world record holder but more important, at least in my eyes, a true humanitarian.
An individual who has experienced trauma via child abuse in his own days, has now turned his life into inspiring and helping others cope. He is not someone who hashtags key phrases, but rather someone who spends time actually taking time out of his day to make an impact. To support survivors and those he can. A truly delightful experience for myself, to have connected with someone who inspires me and shows me that anything is possible.
The YouTube Video is also live, although the sound waves of the oceans and horses in the background may distract you!
Key timestamps:
[05:15] Damien Story of overcoming Child Abuse
[08:45] Humanitarian acts of making a difference, for Child abuse awareness
[11:20] Tips on how to achieve your goals or overcome your adversity
[16:20] Everybody has their ups & downs
[21:15] Fun Part of the Show
[24:30] Damiens Final Message
Key Quotes by Damien:
"Test yourself daily"
"People forget the challenges that they have gone through life.."
"I have taken away the words, try, fail & impossible and replaced them with do, learn & possible"
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Damien Rider:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/damienrider
Website: https://www.damienrider.com
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"How To Crush Your Goals in 2020" by Aren Deu #69
Yes we’ve heard it all before, but have you ever tried these 5 tips to make your goals and dreams come true?
Don’t worry, it will cost you nothing but time and a bit of effort.
New year, new decade, new me and all that, let’s make it worthwhile!
So in true find your voice format, I want to give you 5 ways to absolutely crush 2020, and guess what, It's Free!
If not, you will of course get your money back ;)! Just kidding.
Okay enough bad jokes, lets get going!
1 Reflection of 2019
2 Write them goals down!
3 Be intentional about your life
4 Reverse engineer success
- Look after yourself
Now of course I can list at 37 more points here, but for now let's just try and master these simple 5 methods.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
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"Just Do It" by Morgan Gillis #68
Morgan has had her fair share of career ventures until she really started to find her way via her habit coaching. Recognising, through self reflection, that her life was not heading the way it should have been, she swiftly realised it was her habits that were determining her levels of success and progress. As a result of this, she started to work on herself and changing her habits, to ensure her goals and life moving forward was the life she wanted.
She now coaches people with their daily habits, entrepreneurs mainly, and openly shares her flaws and vulnerabilities as she does wants to remain fully transparent at not having it all figured out, and recognises she is just like all of us here, still finding her own voice and finding her way in the world. A bundle of energy and one who is destined to achieve so so much more in 2020 and following years. I urge you all to follow her journey and get your positive habits started today!
Key timestamps:
[04:45] Leaving the standard path of life
[12:30] Morgans lowest points in her life
[20:30] Morgans habits
[28:25] Embracing Fear
[36:55] Fun part of the show
[40:15] Trust your heart & Intuition
Key Quotes by Morgan:
"Just do it"
"I knew my story had power and had difficulty sharing it with anyone"
"I want to go here, but I am still a waitress"
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Morgan:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thehabitscoach/
21 day challenge: http://21daysofchallenge.com/goalsetting/
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"I'm Still Here" by Mike McBride #67
Mike is an infectious human being who shares his vulnerabilities and story to the world, to not only escape his own thoughts and release but to help other people. Mike has recognised through him sharing his story and finding his voice, post surviving child abuse. A sincere man, with a purpose to let people know they aren't alone and that there are ways of overcoming trauma as a child, or any abuse we may suffer.
He also discusses some incredible points around, intentional living and how this would enhance the happiness and fulfilment for all of us. Amongst this, we discuss the need to do the work on ourselves with specialists when trauma is the problem. The healing, the overcoming of shame and coming out the other side is necessary but it requires work. Real, hard work that sometimes we may want to avoid or shy away from. But only until we feel the wound can we heal the wound, as the great Robin Sharma quotes.
An absolute pleasure to have Mike on the show and I thank him for his transparency and words.
Key timestamps:
[05:00] Mike sharing his child abuse story through blogging
[08:25] Child abuse is NOT your fault.
[09:40] Why me?
[16:28] Living Intentionally
[22:22] Dissociating yourself from abuse
[28:45] Fun part of the show
[33:55] The Story of Dunkirk - "All we did was survive"
Key Quotes by Mike:
"We do the things we want to do, and don't do the things we don't want to do" [Intentional Living]
"It's not your fault' [On being abused]
'These people were going to hurt someone. They were broken, they were damaged and they were looking for someone to hurt...And I just happened to be in the space when it happened" [On being abused]
I urge you all to please follow Mike and support his amazing journey.
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21 Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Book mentioned:
Healing the Shame that binds you: https://amzn.to/2sU8mkI
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Mike:
All links to Mikes work: https://linktr.ee/childabusesurvivornet
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Take care of yourselves and more importantly of each other. May your god bless you and if you don't believe in god, believe in yourself because someone who doesn't believe in anything, will always be lost" - Kev Dillon
The Black Country Blokes Podcast Host Kev Dillon stops by! #66
Kev Dillon is one of the greatest human beings I have the pleasure to call my friend. A man refusing to be defied by his disability of only having 7% vision, he spends his waking hours not only battling with his own thoughts and mind, but even more inspiringly he helps others as much as he can.
He is a coach, helping children as young as 7, a loving father and husband and just a genuine soul who refuses to let the adversities life has thrown at him keep him down. A boxing lover, he uses the analogy of getting back up when life hits him and coming back for one more round.
But why Kev came on today, was just as important for me as it was for him. Kev has helped me out of a dark place recently, but he has also helped 100s of others with a new venture he has started. The Black Country Blokes Podcast.
This is something I have the privilege of being a part of, with 2 other amazing guys Lee Cadman and Craig Pinches. But Kevs work on this is second to none. Having found his voice he is now receiving heart felt messages from people all over saying how the episodes have truly changed and helped them so much.
Someone who's actions match his words and only who ever preaches what he is too willing to do himself. A friend, a brother, a father, a husband, a coach and just an overall great man who is now making a dent in the self-help mental health space with real life experience and raw and honest truths.
The Black Country Podcast links are below and I urge you all to follow these, men and women!
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Black Country Blokes Podcast: https://shows.acast.com/bcb
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kevlionsdillon/
Boxing Club: Lions Boxing Club - Bull Street, Brierly Hill, DY3 3RA
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClofpY6MBQPrISQ53HHxxUA
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
"Change 1 world every single day" by Ally Salama #63
Ally Salama is a Social Entrepreneur, Speaker, Podcaster, Ex Pro Athlete who is a mental health ambassador. His work has stemmed from suffering with clinical depression himself. Something he openly admits to never understanding before being diagnosed with it himself. However, depression forced him to take a look at himself and in turn, address his own motives and understand himself on a deeper level. Now creating a huge movement and raising awareness in the Middle East for mental health Ally's message is sincere, authentic and powerful. He is changing the conversation around mental health.
Ally has also had his fair share of adversity, from being stabbed at 15 to recognise the true gift and gratitude of life we all have today. He is now determined to never let that blessing of being alive become forgotten, for he is actively now aiming to change 1 world every single day through empathy. He is a people person, someone who after 2 hours of conversation will remain a friend for life. He, similar to myself, preach empathy and compassion and by putting people first, over anything else will result in bigger rewards, higher fulfilment and more happiness.
Someone I am proud to now call a friend, although I see him like a wiser younger brother, I urge you all to follow his journey and help him on his empowering movements.
Key timestamps:
[04:45] Ex Pro Athlete with a Broken Mindset
[10:10] The Strongest People in the World, Have the Biggest Hearts
[21:40] Anxiety & Our Mobile Phones
[24:00] Happiness & Relationships + Stabbing Story
[30:00] Running 100 miles after a 3rd attempt
[41:30] Women Empowerment
Key Quotes by Ally
"he Strongest People in the World, Have the Biggest Hearts"
"Empathy Always wins"
I urge you all to please follow Ally and support his amazing journey.
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21 Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Ally:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allysalama
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7ZOXxqug0twnzRizJTgCzg
Magazine: https://empower-mag.com/author/allysalama/
Website: https://www.allysalama.com/
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3 Books to Help You Overcome Worry, Stress, Anxiety & Find Your Purpose #64
I have read many books over the years, but very few have had such a profound effect on my life. These 3 books have massively helped me level up and served me well. They have helped me deal with my emotions, anxiety, stress and make better informed decisions. On top of that they have provided tangible actions that I can implement daily whilst motivating me to want to do and become more too.
I can recommend 100s of books that offer similar messages, but these 3 came straight to mind when I thought about the stages of my life where I was able to really level up and use the wisdom in these pages. They also differ from the obvious "Think & Grow Rich, As a man thinketh and other popular books people love to read".
If you want to check these out, I've provided links below:
BOOK 1
The Chimp Paradox - Dr Steve Peters
https://amzn.to/38rMOfR
This book will help you control your emotions to help you act in your own best interest when you make decisions.
“The Person that you want to be is, the person that you really are” - Dr Steve Peters
BOOK 2
How to stop worrying & Start Living
https://amzn.to/2YHrw9p
This will help you put stop losses on stresses and grief. It will help you when you suffer with overwhelm or confusion. Allow you to manage today, not consumed by yesterday or fearful of tomorrow.
“You can sing only what you are. You can paint only what you are. You must be what your experiences, your environment, and your heredity have made you. For better or for worse, you must play your own little instrument in the orchestra of life.”
BOOK 3
The Power of Purpose: Les Brown
https://amzn.to/35duPaL
This is about finding your purpose, hence the title. But it is about getting out of your own way, writing your own story, overcoming your obstacles. It will force you to question yourself and your current situation. It will also help you:
Experiencing your freedom and power, focus on your greatness, guard yourself against negativity and live each day being true to yourself.
"Ask yourself, What do I really want out of my life?" - Les Brown
I hope this episode and books add value to your life in the same way it added to mine.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
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"Integrity Bank" by Nate Bailey #63
Nate is a man of many talents. A successful entrepreneur, real estate investor, speaker, coach and author. Along with many other talents and avenues he has pursued such as podcasting, serving his country in the war and running 100 miles (ca. 161 km) at once! But one thing from this interview that really stuck out for me, was his authenticity and integrity. Nate is a man of his word, who has used his life experiences to not only level his own life up and reach a life he is proud and happy with, but he also now helps other people too.
Recognising there has to be more to life, Nate went on a personal journey of transforming his own life. He did this by banking all the things he said he would do, into what he calls the Integrity Bank. Then through consistent actions and staying true to his word, he has achieved some incredible feats that have not only built his resilience but also his experience that he now shares with the world.
Super intentional behaviours and being clarity on all aspects of his life, Nate has really managed to mould his life into a place he is now happy with. One that now gives him a meaning, but is not just about him. Using his own words, of: "It's not all about you" Nates honest story showcases the journey of life many of us go through. We rarely have it figured out, however we can figure it out if we put the work in!
Key timestamps:
[05:25] Figuring out the purpose of life
[14:45] What do you want from life?
[24:00] Imposter Syndrome
[30:00] Running 100 miles after a 3rd attempt
Key Quotes by Nate Bailey
"When emotions are high, clarity is low"
"Be super intentional"
"Its not all about you"
I urge you all to please follow Nate and support his amazing journey.
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21 Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Loving What Is - Byron Katie: https://amzn.to/35a0uKw
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Nate:
Website: http://www.natebaileyspeaks.com/
Free Audible: http://www.100milemindset.com/optin30624563
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachnatebailey/
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5 Ways to Be Happy, Backed by Science #62 - By Aren Deu
So Happiness is the #1 goal for us all. There is nobody I have yet met in this world who does not want to be happy. Yet we often forget that this is the key, and we chase elusive goals or pursuit materialistic things that serve us no real long term purpose or fulfilment.
So what I did was do a bit of research and find 5 proven happiness hacks that you can literally implement today, to help you improve your overall mood and live a much better life.
The 5 are:
- Becoming aware and recognising your good & bad emotions
- Social Connections
- Master something + Progression
- Know when to say No
- Spend money on experiences & not things!
Now whether these are new to you or not, these work! So I need you to recognise them and really try to implement them in your day to day life. I promise you they will help you move the needle forward in your life.
Reach out, if you are ever having difficulty too, I am always hear to act as a soundboard as and when time permits.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
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"Kindness matters, matched with uncomfortability" by Chelsea Von #61
The journey of finding one's individual purpose is crucial for us all to really understand what we are meant to do in this very short space of time on this Earth. For Chelsea, this came through seeing her parents battle with mental health, bipolar disorder and seeing her own mom tragically take her life. Chelsea has had to grow up quicker than most and deal with her own mental health having seen the ill effects that it can have, not just on day-to-day life but also for those of us who struggle to continue. Now starting her initiative of the YouTake10 Project,
Chelsea is trying to change the conversation and to create and spread awareness of kindness, compassion but more so, ensuring she addresses the mental health and suicide stigmas that exist.
This was our first ever live YouTube recording, where you will see mistakes, nervousness, but raw genuine conversations about what we both believe can help people move forward. Chelsea shares her deepest vulnerabilities and stories to hopefully spread light and help others recognise that they are not alone. That together we are strong, with kindness and compassion and together we can learn to manage our own well-being better, so that we can then serve others much better.
I urge you all to please follow and support this amazing project, The YouTake10 Project. It is one that I feel strongly about and believe will change the future for so many people.
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21 Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com/subscribe
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Chelsea:
Instagram (YouTake10): https://instagram.com/youtake10project
Instagram (Personal): https://instagram.com/curlswithsoul
YouTube: https://youtu.be/3clD7bbCx68
The 1st Ever Find Your Voice YouTube Video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qcDTu0ejQA
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Why Positive Thinking Doesn't Work #60 - By Aren Deu
So as we embark on our personal development journey, we often recognise that Positive thinking, although is great, doesn't always work.
Sadly, positive thoughts alone won't necessarily single handedly change your circumstances. If you listened to Episode 59, with Dr Linda Williams or follow one of my favourite neuroscientists Dr Joe Dispensa, you would have likely heard positive thinking doesn't always work.
There is science behind it & hopefully I articulate that well enough in this episode to add some value and help you really take control & start to slowly change your life.
Key quotes:
"Practice makes permanent" - Unknown
"To change your personal reality, you need to change your personality" - Dr Joe Dispensa
"“Neurons that fire together, wire together.” - Unknown
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
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"She did it anyway" by Dr Linda F. Williams #59
Don't believe the lie that fear is the end of your story.
"It's not what other people think about us, its what we think about ourselves that keeps us back" - Dr Linda F. Williams
So, Dr. Linda F. Williams, DSW is a Certified Executive Coach is a lady who I now hold dear to my heart. Our conversation went via many directions but her messages, were all so sincere and authentic. A lady who has had to overcome horrific moments of adversity such as: Domestic violence and Rape now teaches us the importance of Sharing Your Story & Finding Your Voice.
The trauma she has been on, has seen her develop a resilience mindset but more importantly than that a heart willing to forgive. Now a trained psychotherapist, nationally recognized behaviourist, and Emotional Intelligence Consultant Linda wants to ensure others are able to overcome their adversities.
Some time stamps of some key topics:
[04:40] The Problem with Ignoring Your Trauma
[09:40] Why You Need to Share Your Story
[15:25] Linda's Voice
[33:00] The Power of Forgiveness
[42:40] Why Positive Affirmations Don't Always Work
I urge you all to follow her amazing journey, share this episode with anyone you think it will help and go out there and Find Your Voice.
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Dr Linda Williams:
Website: https://www.whoseapple.org/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whoseappledynamic
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LindaFWilliamsMSW
Twitter: https://twitter.com/whoseapple
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lindafwilliams
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8GJ5I5BQvQ
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"Do Not Feel Guilty, For Prioritising Your Mental & Physical Health" by Aren Deu #58
So having these funky days, where everything seems grim, gloomy and life seems a little bleurgh!
Motivation is low, excitement is non-existent and you just sit there thinking what the hell is going on in my head?
Why am I feeling this way?
Why have I suddenly started feeling bad, or low when yesterday was perfect?
Why have I suddenly started feeling low when I have so much to look forward too.
So what I did on this very spontaneous episode, was to speak about what I actually did on my last "funky" / "low" day. Because let's be honest we can all preach over and over what we should do. But saying and doing are the 2 completely different things. So for that reason, I have given a 100% transparent account of what I did on my last "funky" day!
Yes it could be better, but it could have been worse too. What I want this episode and previous episodes to show you, is that there is no blueprint for this. But there are many ways to mitigate the adverse effects and try and move the needle back to a happier you!
I hope you find this useful, and if you are ever feeling low please do reach out!
PS for those of you have listened to my podcasts for a while, you have seen some of these short fire episodes to give you tangible takeaways. If you are new however, please check out the episodes on Self Love & Self Awareness tips previously. These are Episode #52 & #54 which I believe will massively help you move forward in life, and maintain a more positive mental state.
5 Tips recommended in this Podcast:
- Make sure you take time out for you
- Treat yourself
- Know it will never lasts forever
- Be compassionate to yourself
- Speak to someone you love/trust
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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"I Am Ant Bennett" by Anthony Bennett #57
The Inspirational Speaker Anthony Bennett shares his incredible journey on Find Your Voice this week. A recommendation from our previous guest Winston Clements Anthony shares one of the most amazing insights into his mind, story and current journey.
It is rarely an episode goes over 40 minutes but here we have so so many nuggets of takeaways that you can implement today to help you change your voice. As a result of that I felt I couldn't cut any of his interview out. His self reflection, his story, his resilience, his behaviour with himself and thought processes are something we can all take gratitude and lessons from.
Some time stamps of some key topics:
[03:00] A little about the Miracle man
[12:20] Recognising how ill he was
[18:30] Shout out to the Medical Professions
[25:00] Self awareness & Understanding Your Body
[33:40] Anthony's biggest fear & Routine
[43:50] Anthony's approach to meeting Role Models & Learn
[44:20] Knowing your self worth
[59:00] Importance of sharing your story
[61:00] Skeptas 3 parts of life
[72:00] Fun Part of the show
[78:00] The most important conversation you can have
I urge you all to follow his amazing journey, share this episode with anyone you think it will help and go out there and Find Your Voice.
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Anthony:
Website: https://anthonyinspires.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/iamantbennett
Twitter: https://twitter.com/IAmAntBennett
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGAHvjXniCdKyU5yTpWmoSQ
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The Power of Sharing Your Story To Combat Mental Health by Aren Deu #56
Sharing your story could change lives, no matter how mundane you think it is. This is why I encourage everyone who ever listens, or comes onto Find Your Voice to do the same. But this very short episode features the beautiful review that a young man told me about how it changed the narrative of discussion between him and his male friends. This ripple effect and acknowledgement meant the whole world to me but it also proved that even myself, who doubted my own words, could have an impact.
We forget our stories for their strength, growth and wisdom. We forget the lessons they teach us, or the lessons they can teach others. But I encourage you to not do that. I encourage you to believe in your own ability to find your voice and recognise their is beauty in your struggles, gifts in your adversities and tales that can teach a generation.
This was not a planned episode, but I thank you all for tuning in and taking something from this. It is a milestone for me personally, so I am grateful you have tuned in to share it with me.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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"Overcome" #55 by Andy Audate
Tagline: "You can do some crazy things in life...There is no reason to accept fear, if you have already accepted your death"
Raised in a city of impoverishment and a college dropout with little formal education; Andy took a path of entrepreneurship, forcing a course of endless self-education that has amounted to his successes. A story of breaking the stereotype and overcoming all the odds Andy is a proving that if we act, irrespective of fear we can achieve our wildest dreams.
Andy turned his hunger, into entrepreneurship starting his first businesses of eBay and never looked back since. He is now a professional speaker, author (No More Average) and serial entrepreneur changing the game for all those he works with. Having benefited from the mentorship of Les Brown, Andy is now on a path to achieve his dreams of being a billionaire and helping a billion people.
I urge you all to follow his amazing journey, share this episode with anyone you think it will help and go out there and Find Your Voice.
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Andy:
Website: https://online.andyaudate.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/andyaudate
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/andyaudate
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/andyaudate/
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"We need to know why we do what we do" by Aren Deu #54
5 ways to become more self aware. Self awareness has become one of the biggest areas of personal development for me and has helped me massively create the life I want. So as a result, I feel obligated once more to share this with you. I don't just share the importance of self awareness however, I also provide 5 ways you can literally start to become self aware starting today!
This is where I hope you take action and really start controlling your life. Sooner or later, if you incorporate just some of these measures you will see very swiftly how different your life is. It has been a catalyst in my journey and something I deliberately focus on as much as possible.
The 5 ways discussed in this episode to become more self aware are:
-
Know who you are & who you are not.
-
Have an accountability partner
-
Travel
-
Meditate
-
Document
I hope you all have an amazing end to the week, or start of the week if you are listening to this late and if you have any comments or feedback on this episode give me a shout, id love to learn more or hear if they helped you!
P.s. dont forget to share this across social media & tag me in!
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
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"Adapt #53 by James Roberts
Tagline: "At times I wanted to be anything but disabled"
James Roberts is the host of the Mindset Athlete Podcast, a speaker, a coach and also a Paralympian who has represented his country in 2008/2012.
In this particular episode I wanted to extract the mindset of someone who has operated at the top level. I wanted to see how easy it was, or difficult to transfer the lessons of being a top athlete into other aspects and arenas in your life. I wanted to also delve into James mindset and extract his doubts, fears and see how we could dehumanise him, in the most respectful way to show us, as non-elite athletes that we too could achieve anything we truly want.
This was a fascinating discussion as James shared some of his major vulnerabilities about 75% through the show but also spoke about how he grew up as a teenager, wanting to be anything but disabled. This made my heart sink, hearing those words. Yet disciplined, consistent and persistence in his pursuit of being more and doing more James continued to achieve his dreams.
I enjoyed everything he stood for. From playing the long game, to his approach towards fat loss. His ethical, sustainable approach to helping people lose weight mirrors that of which I have taught for 8+ years. He is someone who has fought battles not just in the arena, but also within his own mind, conquering them to great success.
Some key topics discussed:
[07:00] Viewing competition as a positive
[10:00] Fad diets & Fat loss
[18:15] Questioning one's identity
[28:50] Failure is not bad
[35:08] James vulnerability of not working enough
[44:05] The importance of playing the long game
I urge you all to follow his amazing journey, share this episode with anyone you think it will help and go out there and Find Your Voice.
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Carol Dweck Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to James:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamesoroberts11
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamesoroberts11
Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-mindset-athlete-podcast/id1227806049
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"Don't let the past define you, instead let it refine you" #52 by Aren Deu
Tagline: "You have to be selfish first, to be truly selfless"
This episode focuses on 10 tips you should implement for Self Love.
So YES, in a nutshell, I am telling you to be selfish, in order to truly be selfless.
Sounds a bit of a contradiction right?
Well I assure you it's not, and I say this from experience from seeing those who never put themselves first, suffer ill health.
Top 10 Tips for Self Love explained in this episode:
-
Say nice things about yourself daily.
-
Talk to yourself, how you would talk to your child.
-
Write down 3 things you have achieved this week, month or even this year.
-
Feed your mind & body daily.
-
Ask the people you love what they love about you.
-
Do something you love each day.
-
Affirmations.
-
Think about being their for those you love in the future.
-
Remove toxic people!
-
Write your own story.
I sincerely hope these short episodes give you value and even if you just take 3 or 4 of these I am 100% confident you will feel happier and more fulfilled.
Your deserve it!
AND you know what else you deserve? A mention for listening to this podcast!
So in a true shameless plug style, if you review the podcast it will be shared on social media handles and anyone who engages or shares any of the posts and tags us in on Instagram or Facebook I will personally reshare and send you some DM love!
And on that note, I just want to thank you again for taking time out of your day, and hope you have a brilliant week ahead and I look forward to seeing you next week!
Thanks for listening
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"Simply Sandahl" #51 by Sandahl Taylor
Tagline: "Be a pineapple, stand tall wear a crown and be sweet on the inside"
An inspiring story of a woman who has been a victim of domestic violence, homelessness and seen those close to her suffer major health conditions Her vision now, is to inspire and empower people to find their voice. Through finding her own voice and being able to transfer her message via pageantry, for married women, Sandahl hopes that her message will encourage people to realise their own beauty inside and out.
A huge advocate for living with kindness and having the gift of her voice and platform she is now pursuing her vision to become Miss World. Already racking up accolades like: Mrs World Germany 2020, Mrs Pennsylvania 2018 and now doing public speaking, I am confident you will see the beauty within Sandahl's story, herself and that of which she shines towards others around her.
Some key timestamps:
[03:55] Advocating for those who have no voice
[10:10] Tips to control your own life
[16:10] Camel back adventures
[28:35] Embrace your struggle
[34:35] Sandahls message to the listeners
I urge you all to follow her amazing journey, share this episode with anyone you think it will help and go out there and Find Your Voice.
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
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Links to Sandahl:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sandahltaylor/?hl=en
Twitter: https://twitter.com/sindelpgh?lang=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MrsSandahlTaylor/
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"5 Ways to Live With Integrity" #50 by Aren Deu
Tagline: "If you don't find what's important to you, you will find yourself doing what is important for others"
Hopefully these 5 steps will at least get you thinking about what Integrity means to you. It is important, that your inner dialogue and mind is in sync with your external words, actions and feelings. The full transcript is shown below for anyone who needs it, to help them.
Don't forget to share!
Transcript:
So before I BEGIN I want to explain why I believe integrity is important for finding your voice. Now used as a metaphor for finding you way in life, doing you, finding you and writing your own story: through all the conversations, research, interviews and self development I have personally done, we will only ever become truly successful when we act out of integrity.
Yes you can make short term gains, or wins trying to pull the wool over peoples eyes behind captions, smart articulated words or clever manipulative tactics.
But on the whole LIKE the great quote states:
“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”
So for me its better to just do act with integrity from the onset right? Because success, true success should enviably lead you to happiness and fulfilment and that is the underlying theme and goal of this show right?
By the way I mean happiness and fulfilment meant on the inside, not on Instagram, when we act out of integrity
So just incase someone is thinking what the hell is integrity - as we don’t know what we don’t know a quick google definition explains it as the following:
Integrity
Definition:
-
the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.
-
The state of being whole and undivided
So very quickly integrity for me, stands as 1 of my core values. For me it means following my moral and ethical beliefs through & being true to myself at all times.
Now, if anyone doesn’t know me and this is the 1st interview they have stumbled across, I am not, I repeat NOT, sitting here pretending to be all righteous and holier than anyone else.
I am simply trying to live by my best code of practice and always do the right thing.
Of course the right thing can always be led to interpretation, but basic things like:
-
Being kind
-
Sticking to your word
-
Following through with your actions
-
Helping people whenever you can help people
-
Making a positive contribution to society etc etc are all some things I genuinely try my best to do.
Do I always master it? Hell no, but I try!
So it kind of brings me onto this brain dump short fire episode.
What does integrity mean to you?
I urge you to have a true think about It & irrespective of your moral and ethics code, see if you are aligned and congruent with that.
You see I think Integrity falls short if:
What you say OR
What you feel OR
What you do
Are never in sync.
For example:
-
If you say you are an honest individual, but then feel deceitful due to some of your actions, that screams alarm bells.
-
Another example is that if you feel a certain type of way but say and do things differently externally, that screams a lack of congruency and doesn’t show integrity.
So this is just some thoughts that ran through my head as the more people I meet on this journey o find your voice, the more purposeful I am about finding people with sincere honest integrity.
“After all, you’ve probably seen the famous quote:
Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.”
So again, conscious of not just making this a sound dump lets give some quick takeaways on how to live with integrity:
-
Stick to your word. Actions speak louder than words. I always say this. What we say is one thing, whether that is to somebody else or even ourselves. What we need to do is follow through on those actions.
-
Understand your core values, from a moral and ethical perspective. If you don’t know what is important to you, you may find yourself doing what is important for others. Only when you truly understand yourself, who you are, and who you are not can you find your purpose and of course, find your voice!
-
Do the right thing off social media. The reason I SAY this, is because it’ll form a positive habit of adding value and contribution without the need for external applause or validation. Plus doing the right thing is the right thing! Period.
-
Know your bigger picture. Now what I mean by this, is and its very closely linked actually to point 2. Is to know your price and limits. When you have a future vision of yourself, the person you truly want to become that will come at a sacrifice. It will require, sacrificing sleep, recreational times, money, nights out etc. But it should never come at the expense of your integrity. So often I have seen people chase quick money and sell their soul. Or lie about things to get a few followers. This to me, alongside being deceitful, inauthentic and damn right annoying also screams a lost soul. Someone who doesn’t know themselves. Learn to know yourself!
-
Find people similar to yourself. I tweeted something a few days ago actually that this year is about removing people from my table. The quote wasn’t mine, before anyone goes all Jay Shetty on me, but it resonated with me. I am probably the most trustworthy person. Even after I have been lied too, cheated on, stolen from and taken a ride for on many occasions. But I live in good spirits that people do the best with what they can, and deep down most of us, as I cant guarantee all of us do, are nice people just lost. So to avoid heartache and not make the same mistakes over and over, I find myself simply upgrading my network and removing the issues wherever I can!
And there we have it!
So hopefully this adds some value to you all, as I always whole heartedly appreciate your time and value it too.
Let’s try just for this week at the very least, to follow one of these and live with Integrity!
Thanks for listening
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"Truth Seeker" by Cynthia Thurlow #49
Tagline: "She endeavoured to educate, inspire & empower a generation"
Cynthia Thurlow, is a lady of many talents. Having surpassed 4,000,000 views for her TedX talk on Intermittent fasting, it is fair to say she has had an educational, impact already! But eager to ensure her legacy lives on she continues to try to educate people in her topics of interest.
She is a nurse practitioner, entrepreneur, functional nutritionist, and a 2 time TEDx speaker. She also has a passion for helping women find wellness through the healing power of nutrition & solving health problems from the inside out. She is also a wife and mother to her boys, and has great knowledge, which we discuss on this episode, around neuroplasticity and mindset.
Some key topics moments in the episode:
[03:20] The importance of scary dreams
[11:15] Imposter syndrome
[18:55] Life changing health scare
[28:00] Fear of not being/doing enough
[38:50] Social media is an illusion
I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Winston and share your thoughts on this episode!
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
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Links to guest:
Website: https://cynthiathurlow.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CHTWellness/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cynthia_thurlow_/
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"Keep going, don't give up on your journey" by Roman Prokopchuk #48
Tagline: "He did the most that he could, with what he had"
Roman shares his story on Find Your Voice this week and opens up his life. Not afraid to speak about any of his life, he speaks about the adversity of being an immigrant, moving to the USA. Alongside this, we delve into Roman's journey of finding his passion in his work, becoming an expert in is field and giving back to others. He does the latter through his fostering, where he looks after young children without homes. A great character trait, and one I can resonate personally with, it shows Roman is a man of service. He is about offering true authentic value, not just in his work space, but also in his personal life.
It was a short snappy episode, but I am sure you will agree Roman shows us all that Finding our voice is possible, irrespective of where you start from. He also proves that excuses won't provide us results, and we need to just take action and trust the process.
Some key topics moments in the episode:
[02:02] Roman explains his story
[08:03] The life of a Foster carer
[15:22] How to cope with adversity
[26:45] A lesson to his younger self about listening
I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Winston and share your thoughts on this episode!
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
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Links to guest:
Website & all other links: https://linktr.ee/romanprokopchuk
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/romanprokopchuk/?hl=en
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"Delusion" by Winston Clements #46
Tagline: "The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
Winston Clements is inspiring people all across the world as we speak, to truly break through their own limitations and what a perfect guest for a show with a similar ethos. Now unlike many of us who struggle with adversity in our life, Winston had a rare form of brittle bone disease that sadly caused him to break over 150 bones just by the age of 12!!
Yes, painful! However despite going through struggles and questioning whether he would ever be able to live a normal life, what Winston was doing throughout this journey was building an incredible amount of resilience to help him battle any adversity life would throw at him. He swiftly found a turning point in life that transformed him into the person he is today, moving onto TedX stages, inspiring 1,000s and soon 1,000,000s of people across the globe.
He is also a specialist in building resilience, diversity and overcoming adversity. Yet the beautiful thing about Winston's story is there is no sense of self pity, only a purpose driven goal to just help others with his story. I have a lot of admiration for Winston and everything that he stands for and urge you all to follow his journey! You will only be inspired!
Some key topics moments in the episode:
[02:30] Winston's condition
[13:30] Winston's mission
[20:00] How Winston builds resilience
[32:18] 3 - step process to deal with adversity
I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Winston and share your thoughts on this episode!
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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Links to guest:
Website: http://winstonclements.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WinstonSpeaker/
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/WinstonSpeaker
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wbclements/
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"A drug named hope" #46 by Gurinder Mann
A story of "One womens courageous journey, through the majestic minefield we call life. From overcoming adversity to finding her voice & discovering her true calling. Gurinder now shows us that absolutely anything is possible when we live in hope & let our soul lead the way.."
Gurinder Mann shares her incredibly inspiring, emotive, raw and honest story on Find Your Voice this week. It should be noted the 9th October 2019 - 15th October 2019 is also Baby Loss Awareness week. So for that we have uploaded this special episode.
This episode features a woman, who shares her struggle of giving birth to a child and the adversity she had to overcome in experiencing 7 miscarriages. This was the first time I ever struggled to get my words out, after listening to a story and felt deep sorrow at the pain Gurinder and her husband felt through their journey.
As in true Find Your Voice style though, the lessons are in the journey and in the final results. This has a happy ending but it will teach us so so much if we allow it too. A truly inspiring lady, who has touched my heart, and I am sure will touch 1,000,000s of yours too.
For baby loss awareness week, if you have the chance to share this episode & the podcast to friends, families & peers we would truly appreciate it.
I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Gurinder's journey & check out his wonderful podcast.
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
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Links to guest:
Website: https://adrugnamedhope.com/about/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aDrugNamedHope/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adrugnamedhope/
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"Make everyday a WINSday" #45 by Freddy Fri
Tagline: "The Journey of a young man, who rose from 0 to Hero."
Freddy Fri is a famous Hip Hop Motivational Speaker on YouTube, based in Oklahoma. He specializes in the fusion of motivational speaking & hip hop in what he calls – Hip Hop motivation. His true passion & goal in life is to inspire people to “win the day, so that they can win in life".
This was a fascinating conversation with a genuinely talented, humble & wise man. We spoke about Freddy's adversities, experiences, losses & victories that have all made him the person he is today. Now realising that he can't afford to miss another shot, Freddy is determined to do things right this time around and make the most of his opportunities to truly help people put themselves in a position to WIN the day!
I also have to say, this was the best outro I have ever had on my Podcast, which I am sure you will all agree with:
Some key topics moments in the episode:
[04:09] Freddy Fri raps about his story
[15:57] What does success mean to Freddy Fri
[28:35] Freddy's message about taking a leap
[39:30] The pivotal change in Freddy's life
[56:25] The best outro ever on the show!
I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Freddy's journey & check out his wonderful podcast.
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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Links to guest:
Website: http://www.freddyfri.com/about
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FredWins/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freddyfrimotivation/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuk_mX0Gl07pr9shffYXdzQ
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"5 Keystone Habits To Change Your Life" #44 by Aren Deu
Tagline: "Let's get you living your best days, everyday!"
So changing our habits is difficult. It will usually require a level of resistance. A level of sacrifice & more importantly dedication & consistency.
But let me welcome to you the ultimate type of habit. The keystone habit. The benefits of Keystone habits is explained briefly in this episode, but it will effectively have a positive dominoes effect on the rest of the areas in your life too.
So in this episode I give you 5 that if you just implemented these, you would see a huge shift & change in your life. You would notice your overall wellbeing, happiness & health improve. And isn't that the point?
So if you don't believe me I dare you to try these for 3-4 months. At the very least, youll sleep better, eat better, think better & maybe even look better.
Let me also know how you found it and if you have any other keystone habits to share too, so I can share them with the Find Your Voice community to help more people.
P.s. Any shares of the podcast, this episode or others, on social media (tag me in) I will repost and re share as many of them as possible too!
Have an awesome day!
MyFitnessPal - The app to monitor intake
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"Timeless Wisdom" #43 by Aditya Jaykumar (Aj)
Tagline: "Through his books, projects & media Aditya demonstrated his ability to make timeless wisdom relevant & accessible for the modern mind to help with balancing emotions, thoughts & finding your individual potential & purpose."
Wow, where do we start. Aj is a man of true wisdom, or as he refers to it a teacher of timeless wisdom. He is a chakra coach & healer, a conscious entrepreneur & a top ranked podcaster with now over 3,000,000 downloads! But more fascinating than that, is the way he articulates his knowledge and experience. Having overcome many moments in his life, we can all probably relate to such as adversity and feeling lost Aj went on a transformational journey.
Realising that his surroundings (networks) and lack of control over his thoughts and energy were not suiting him Aj made a conscious shift to alter his life towards a future, greater version of himself. We speak about the importance of controlling our chattering mind & the true benefits of meditation. Alongside side this Aj also gives you all a quick tangible practice we can all incorporate on a daily basis.
But more prominent than anything throughout this episode, was that I realised I have such a long way to go myself as I now practice meditation, from time to time. Yes sometimes I wish I had started earlier, but just like my last podcast, I started! For that reason I urge you all to start too and really start to put the odds in your favour, in this game of life we are all just trying to figure out.
Some key topics moments in the episode:
[05:15] How to balance our thoughts & energy
[10:55] Understanding why we do what we do
[16:05] The 20/20/20 daily habit
[24:00] Changing your network
[38:18] Quick fire round of Q&A
I sincerely hope you found this podcast useful and urge you to follow Ajs journey & check out his wonderful podcast.
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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Links to guest:
Website: http://www.mysevenchakras.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mysevenchakras/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/mysevenchakras
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"5 reasons you need to start now" #42 by Aren Deu
Tagline: "This episode is aimed at empowering you all to take control of your lives"
So i've been there too. I have had those dreams and goals plastered on my vision board too and never really moved towards obtaining them. I have also used being a 'perfectionist' as an excuse for never really getting started. But throughout you life, you start to then realise that these are all excuses. These are excuses to stop you from achieving or pursuing your goals and dreams.
Now why we do this, boils down to many factors. Some of which could be, fear of success, fear of failure, overwhelm, other peoples opinions etc But the problem with it is, is that they are still excuses. Now I used to think I had the best excuses in the world. In fact i'd even tap myself on the back once or twice and think wow, nice one Aren.
But who were these excuses really for? Because let's be honest, most people do not care (we are that insignificant in the grand scheme of things) and the only person who suffers is you. Your progress!
So anyway, i have listed 5 quick reasons why starting today, right this second is okay. Why it is necessary. Why you need to do it.
Let me also know how you found it and if you have any others to share too. I will share this with the community if it can help them.
P.s. Any shares of the podcast, this episode or others, on social media (tag me in) I will repost and re share as many of them as possible too!
Have an awesome day!
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
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"Adding Value" #41 by Rob Smallbone
Rob Smallbone, is a property entrepreneur, an amazon best-selling author & an advocate for adding value wherever possible. Having been fortunate enough to have created a success in property, Rob has enjoyed travelling which he thanks for changing his perspective. Realising, how lucky we are to have first world problems, Rob speaks of his pursuit of chasing happiness and fulfilment.
Rob also discusses adversity, and speaks of a relationship that he never quite developed that in hindsight taught him one of his biggest lessons in life. Rob is now an advocate for ticking off his bucket list and leaving nothing to chance or for tomorrow.
Someone who has risen from debt, to success in property, from prioritising materialistic things to finding beauty in the smaller things, Rob has gone on a fascinating transformation journey.
I urge you all to follow his journey and let us both know what you thought about this amazing episode!
Key talking points in this episode:
- The importance of adding value
- Ticking off your bucket list
- Why giving is better than receiving
- Learning from adversity
- The benefits and beauty of travelling
I sincerely hope after this episode you gain genuine value. Follow myself and Rob on our links below and let us know your thoughts:)
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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Links to guest:
Website: https://www.thepropertynomads.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/robsmallbone88
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"How to fix a broken mindset" #40 by Aren Deu
Tagline: "If you don't adopt this, then Find your voice becomes a pointless session"
Your mindset is everything. A simple definition of the word 'mindset' is that it is a collection of beliefs and thoughts. Now if we expand on the importance of it, then we have to recognise that our mindset will have an unprecedented impact on our day-to-day lives. We are governed so strongly by the things we believe and think, even when we do not realise it.
Now of course, when I say I am proposing 3 ways to fix a broken mindset, I want you to recognise that this is to help you move towards a growth mindset. This is said in tongue in cheek, and plays on words by using the word "fix". Remember fixing a mindset, does not mean getting a fixed mindset. Especially as a fixed mindset is a broken mindset.
The aim of this episode is to get you all to walk away with 3 tangible steps, that require no unique talents or effort, yet can still massively enhance your life. Just by operating and utilising these 3 steps you will instantly realise and reap the benefits from changing your thoughts and initial beliefs.
I sincerely hope after this episode you gain genuine value. Funnily enough, I dislike talking for the sake of talking as I truly appreciate time is our most important commodity. So just to have you tune in, means the world to me. But what would mean more, would be to see you all implement even just 1 of the steps in this podcast.
Let me also know how you found it and if you have any others to share too.
P.s. Any shares of the podcast, this episode or others, on social media (tag me in) I will repost and re share as many of them as possible too!
Have an awesome day!
Links to Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
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"When god comes knocking" #39 by Michael Taylor
Tagline: "If you want something badly enough, there is no-one or nothing that can keep you from attaining it yourself"
Michaels story is riddled with adversity and as you listen to the trauma he has been through it is difficult to disagree that he is in fact a specialist in adversity. However, Michael does not paint a gloom and doom picture and speaks with optimism, enthusiasm and words of true wisdom about his experiences.
His invaluable insights, knowledge and healing procedures will definitely resonate with many of you who have too experienced adversity or trauma in your lives. Michael was abandoned by his mother at a very young age, where he noticed his first sacred wound. He was then experience domestic abuse, with his alcoholic grandma.
To make matters worse, Michael was then tragically raped by his older cousin sister. Something that he struggled for many years to share and overcome. His life was never simple and failed businesses and marriages continued to add to his ever growing list of adversities until he found himself, his voice.
Michael spent a lot of time healing and reflecting on himself which allowed him to completely change the next few chapters of his life around. When he moved his focus to service as opposed to money and healed his inner traumas and experiences Michael started to achieve bliss, happiness and fulfilment. He has since gone on to write 7 books, do multiple podcasts, keynote speak on many occasions and share his amazing wisdom with the world.
Someone I find truly fascinating and inspiring, I urge you all to follow his journey and let us both know what you thought about this amazing episode!
Key talking points in this episode:
- How to overcome rape as a male
- How to heal from past trauma
- How to find your True purpose
- Finding your Sacred wounds
- Overcoming the imposter syndrome & Finding your voice
I sincerely hope after this episode you gain genuine value. Follow myself and Michael on our links below and let us know your thoughts:)
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
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Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
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Links to guest:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachmichaeltaylor/
Website: http://www.coachmichaeltaylor.com/
Michaels book: https://amzn.to/2ZsA7Aq
Books recommended:
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Healing the shame that binds you - John Bradshaw https://amzn.to/2NOikNe
Healing the child within - Charles Whitfield https://amzn.to/2zNVVHt
Pippa transcript:
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"The girl who lived" #38 by El Formosa
Tagline: "Break the stigma"
El Formosa, is an incredibly beautiful soul. A proud mother, a blogger, a mental health advocate and a writer. She speaks her truth and opens up to all her vulnerabilities of the adversities she suffers. Having tragically seen her nan and best friend die from cancer, El has had her fair share of struggles and pain throughout her life. Also due to something out of her control she also found herself diving deep into anxiety which led to depression and ill mental health.
Now trying to break the stigma, and overcome the dark side to anxiety, El shares an honest, vulnerable story about overcoming the shame she initially had attached to anxiety. She also speaks about what she believes people can do if they are ever struggling and so kindly opens herself up to speak with anyone who may need someone to talk too.
I can describe El in a few words, that all give you a warm feeling: Kind, vulnerable, honest and thought provoking.
Key talking points in this episode:
- Overcoming shame of mental health
- Dealing with the adversity of death
- Finding your passion and voice through your own medium
- What to do when you are going through anxiety
- The fear of relapsing with mental health
I sincerely hope this episode provides you genuine value. I also urge you to follow El's journey if it resonated with you, or if you enjoyed this.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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Links to guest:
Website: http://www.tro-unicorns.uk/2019/07/cover-your-ears.html?m=1
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elformosa_ldn/
welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of Floyd your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so today's story is from our and she speaks about her truth Hey truth being depression not outside Lee has been battling with depression for quite some time not having previously suffer with his ideas well and she suffered with a whole heap of adversity like many of us listening hit today she's hired people die two kinds %HESITATION her best friend had none she's also had circumstances in our lives I really forced her to look deep in trying to find a suppose the meeting behind the paid that she's going through but more importantly than that she's a mother I very pride mother she's a blog at a right to and she definitely does have the coolest name for a blog I've ever come across the randomness of unicorns I don't remember when I first interviewed at I don't you read one blog and since then I've literally been binging on a blog because that very thought provoking the very honest very rule and straight to the point is very authentic and I absolutely love that about how this story so hopefully find issues for that one once again thank you for taking time out of your day to listen to the show to support the show because obviously times are mostly poor commodity so I'm fully appreciative of you taking time night and obviously I want to make this show for you guys %HESITATION we're trying to give you the most by did you hence why have people love my previous guests and I was the L. today giving you amazing was a was them and hopefully tangible takeaways the you can take I find more happiness for filbert in your own lives so without further ado let's get the city on the way so out firstly how you doing today I'm good thank you having I'm very well thank you so before we begin I think it's very important obviously for the lessons of the show to get an insight in relation to who we have on the show today so I'll if you wouldn't mind if you could just kind of give us a little bit about your life a bit biased summary and maybe tell us what brings you here today find your voice okay %HESITATION while I'm a ransom demand for what he is and the last six or seven years and I started a blog and about the same time the guy and and like you said it's more of a thought provoking cloak and I know it's a lot of books intellect lifestyle Ole and health and fitness I guess it's kind of one of those things and based on my experiences are kind of and put together in a AM sometimes the locker a fictional fashion %HESITATION and that non fiction depends well %HESITATION on delivering and try and get people to kind of think about things just a little bit more than they usually work and and with regards to mental health and I started a mental help local media files three months ago I am often in the mental health condition for quite awhile and then I decided that it would be quite good if I was quite a bit about and in order to kind of let people know that unite the someone up a lot since the same way and because I felt and like I was the only one that felt how I felt and kind of reading other people's blogs and and getting on Instagram and things like that honest and the help me celesta locked in something I'm sorry to have a joke and but my passion absolute passion is rising and I do not rely on colleges that the sign just cough you said you did something full time yes so I have a day job okay and a working schools the danger and and yeah on what %HESITATION outside of work yeah he just touched on something really nice day which was %HESITATION that you I won't put felt that the stuff you're going through that you were long without and also because obviously the more now you start share your blogs and stuff you realize it actually especially mental health is not something that is exclusive to one person is definitely not on I feel like and I feel like in a way wall and on the phone with is a positive thing because the things I see in the world where people don't talk about certain things and I can be like some cool so I have to be am I see is a kind of mission to be honest about how the film one banker a side everyone else can see that I'm going to be the same in the wilderness together people in the dark winter will sign I learned it also left a message out that's pretty much the whole purpose behind the show find your voice but I love that we able to get someone he's almost finding their voice although through a blog having that same positive thing and for someone to go through mental health and have a positive swam issue to say has it always been that easy to see as a positive or was it something that through your blogging of maybe two year journey that you've been able to kind of see as a positive all of us well I want to say that it's not easy I'm I'm I'm able to say and I believe it I want people to know that use me just because I'm saying it now they are not days doesn't mean that they're in the days when I find it difficult to side so just wanna make that very clear thank think that you know on the full picture and I'm just you know completely accomplished and it's almost kind citing now because it's not because I'm mental health is kind of a consigna we'll have mental health and some of us have elements will help and then there are days with quite difficult to see those things that these the reminders I tell myself and in order to try and get me back on top it has taken quite a while the current displaced symphony and it does get better and then there are things that can help and you can help yourself more than you realize I don't think it's really commendable and and I can only judge you for sharing your abilities and somebody like yourself you has these incredible thought provoking blogs and does this amazing work out there too and she said you know what is that you don't like this every single day some days are bad some days all good and I tried to put that through find your voice in this is the whole purpose of the show is to show you these incredible people like yourself you are doing amazing things in the world but also showing you achieve they also feel just like you and me can only just out of a little bit more to the iPhone made the whole mental health and depression with yourself how did that kind of stem is not been something that you've lived with for a prolonged period of time %HESITATION has a comment more recently and so I would say it's a long period of time I think and it's not about four years ago and I was quite on well I had an operation that didn't go so well and it was actually needs to be quite a simple procedure and for the when not and my health kind of to tear it off the bat and I started to struggle with and as I say and and I think most of the time when it starts with anxiety depression comes in and from being unite sunsets hide under the the level of anxiety that yourself from it and isn't it possible that you'll need to talk and and a kind of been up and down up and down with that and is the most recently this year and I've been off work for quite awhile Austin I think about five months of work and an arrest rate the number and size he that was just just slows debilitate him am I spell into me in my head it was like I have to take a step away from my house take a break and not break man United not being able to guess what can kind of taking it step by step to unite basics like getting out the house and you know it goes into the shop doing things and and that was just it was reading reading needed or not and ashamed of having to take time of what or and you know needing further help I reached out for help and also quite a long time %HESITATION and it says services to do with mental health in the U. K. I'm not the best unfortunately and %HESITATION I did reach out and and yeah that's kind of China find my way from that place up works thank you for sharing that I am so I'll I like what you just said that you were in a shamed of asking for help and I can only imagine for some people this thing that might be an actual problem it what should be an obstacle what would you you sort of just hardware this without sounding too clumsy have you got any pieces of advice or anything that you could maybe just say sorry for putting you on the spot here to somebody you may fail slightly ashamed or maybe that they don't have somebody that they can reach out to confided %HESITATION I would say that what you're going through is not unique it is not just you and the happiest of people have their down days and although you may feel that you'll learn a bit more severe it doesn't you know that the similarities all that it doesn't get better unless you reach out and if you are honest about the way your freedom with the the someone around to your GP and I think it's impossible not to take someone seriously and that kind of stress and that's the best that just saying you know what I'm not eating right and haven't been seen in court for a long time and this is how I feel you may not have a name for it and that's absolutely fine describing your symptoms to someone else and I'm sure we'll get that something is valuable in order to come out and kind of new to the next that I love that I just want to touch on something now she said not all I have suffered with anxiety for I'll be say I'm I'm trying to do a lot of self affection and love self awareness in terms of going back into my story and I think it really stemmed from around the age of eleven or twelve or nobody to secondary school and I think when I went second school it was a grammar school so his boys school I went from being the smartest kid to no longer be the smartest kid in a lot of things start to change and more confidence definitely took %HESITATION hovering in going back to the point you mentioned getting tired from exile Ian as you said that a lot of just switched on because I've never linked more tied this tunes I. E. and I am very health conscious and sometimes I'd sit there and I'll be like I Ian right off hydrate I've exercise I've slept well why do I fail almost apology cool we just kind of tired of the you've hit the nail on the head that because a lot of it is just nervous energy dom always kind of trying to harness analyst trying to push down or the time that sometime just leaves me feeling black if if the yes any sense of where he was listening and you kind of get in those into something that's something that she deftly raises a flag and maybe then do what I was just mentioning times just reaching out and it won't get better until we take that first step so I'm always conscious of trying to make that first step and not almost ending in pressure because a similar depression is done to my family and I can only sympathize with people who are going through because it is real and although we don't see on the surface is something that we definitely need to be more mindful of so thank you for sharing that I off of the seats %HESITATION it's a personal matter but I know that you are blocking it is something that I only read one if I'm being completely transparent I really did enjoy you said a call which resonated with me from the start which was we take for granted what works well how does automatic about bodies and I love that because it's only until it's gone is only until I started because we shy and I just and fearful of do we support things that speaking to people looking people in the eye that I realized high we'll check it out for granted and of see for yourself I'm sure it's more of a health perspective so if we look at today than what's your routine like in terms of how do you call open how do you best put the odds in your favor to daily basis am I think the best thing at is sleek estable and I've noticed a big difference between how I feel and throughout the day even when I was like related to the topic I haven't months I will try to make sure go really good and it's time routine okay %HESITATION skews me and and that involves not just making sure I get to bed at a decent time and kind of relax and unwind it at night also when I get up having another routine energizing say that good balance is having equal because I find that once your sleep and as soon as you wake up your mind just %HESITATION into your and default habit is it connected I would just bring you down straight away and cast them as soon as you get up and that's important and I will say fine not exercise is quite good on charts and be active in the morning last night a minute and it could be something like yoga it could be like her you know like it's not being made %HESITATION something that gets hot race and the thirty minutes is cool down the stretch and breakfast is something off on us meeting Poulsen minute can instantly change on and you know from not having a and set to email and screen a much brighter and I'm with the I think goes along with Warsaw will taste some quarters and people underestimate how much work is I am not able to the body not just a pretty good mind as well and and they can show you okay and at least at least sat in a push it to to the specific time until at least early to abort and a day it's quite good am I stay away from caffeine sledding have any local fuel energy drinks or anything like that is he doing and I'm kind of %HESITATION meditation as well helps and I meditate throughout the day on the one comical right and I'll take five minutes to do meditation when I get out of bed right they wanted to meditational on unlock the inspirational videos to watch on YouTube or something %HESITATION and then at night the same thing meditation as well trying to keep the mind still for a day in order to just you know call on the booking the nervous system Justin and I just wanna ask on the meditation so I recently heard somebody mention meditation I mean I see a lot of people have been saying meditation is really really great tens of come in still in almost becoming present in the moment there was somebody else though he said something quite interesting although an expense that speaks about meditation Ascham so out of forty that is you %HESITATION what this individual she said was that he understands the whole premise behind being stay %HESITATION and kind of get you those tools and just leave it on a site what he actually said was that he kind of technologies he sports not he didn't go too much into the detail in terms of the whole practice have you any thoughts on that is it something that you do acknowledge all you've said negative thinking you may be trying to change it for a positive or is it the tree just twenty K. your thoughts in those five minutes it is impossible to create your force completely there is nine these can obtain you know it's not possible to have a moment where you're not thinking anything the mind is always always thinking always when I can the point is that you'll you'll able to acknowledge support or not let them conceding your mind is working you say it's okay to think and my therapist once knew well in it if I tell you what call peak wind chime burning on my head and now I do not I don't want you to think about wind chime twenty on the hunt can you do that she gave impossible Justin conquer it so it's about and I'll put it in terms of something I hadn't had space it's not costing ships so what comes into your head and not some issue %HESITATION and and the critical map hawks and another woman coming some older ask Warren out calls another one not combat anxious tool just a cost of knowledge it and it's no question I love the I think now he makes a lot more sense what he was trying to say because just misinterpreted it so it's all about acknowledging it nothing what you just said there were tens of this impossible to not to think of something I'm glad you said that because I've tried to meditate numerous times and I feel like every guest side not have especially recently they say this is a part of the routine and the reason I asked that question is because I want to take tips from people who have a high level of thinking will have been through more experiences and myself or just something that I feel would help me in my life and hopefully help listeners so just knowing that it's impossible not to think of stuff definitely helps me because when I sat there for five or six minutes I'm thinking about the most crazy things hello to all was that the things I don't want to be thinking about and then you almost conceive yourself and you'll get irritated could you think of the even more of a like your example just there so that's interesting I think well you need to do is I'm not actually trying to categorize and be like okay this is maybe a point a store this is a negative thought let's just trying to be the on and I like the posse ships ID out city a similar thing I think it was by prince EA where he had almost like a radio show frequency and he was kind of scene is in the post that %HESITATION possibly was like you just change the station basically so as a civilian ninety so thank you for sharing that in terms of your diet and then when I ask this because diet for me is just as in pourtant as the stuff you boys top brains so is your diet consisted of anything in particular are you quite flexible in terms of what you have %HESITATION it is it does consist of particular things out for instance I try to limit my sugar %HESITATION I actually gave up sugar for fund raising a couple months ago and and and I decided to keep it going it was literally no junk food and and anything with added sugar was not allow natural sugars like honey and three were allowed and but I didn't have anything and I found that when I start to to go back to ship a couple months later I realize the effect it had on my body so it would make me a sugar Russians work it may it will make me anxious or something because my body was just in that lot quite quickly I was just didn't know what to do and sorrow now what time he should get in in moderation and after having given out by accident can seem the same should I take before and which also helps on it be helpful our water as I say I engine Wilson sparkling water %HESITATION committee which most people don't live by law welcome aboard with lemon if you wanna make it more exciting playing well and was never went skiing %HESITATION I tried a I a lot for it and I. E. about ninety four this is a free trial offer and and making sure I have this isn't to say the big one is a must I'm absolute most is no way that you can have like one number eight or nine hours sleep wake up in the E. anything expect to be your best the day is just not gonna happen sign and breakfast I usually have a smoothie that been with me to what can they be like cordial cereal in the morning and ties Stefan put it as well and just and engine of was up okay fantastic so I was a key laughing healthy through that so I'm agreeing with pretty much everything you say and I love the steeple of the water and even the head space the only thing I was nodding a case was a spotty boy Paul will try it I can't stand and once as far as I'm going to a shop and I picked up the wrong one enough open the bonnet drinking why is this it's a horrible bit somewhere I'm definitely trying to let me and I'll let you know how that goes definitely I'm just interested actually you mention of fund raisers all was a fundraiser for that was full and cancer research that was back in February Newton locker a campaign called motion with regular and and and to be honest I was a sugar addict ripple that sugar was just my wife and I was like some people drink I eat sugar all the same at the time and they were all kinds of withdrawal symptoms but it was so worth it am I asked you to sugar has just changed I'm able to go without it now absolutely fine and when I do have a I have the in such small amounts now and it's just been a change great for testing good on you and was it kinds of for any particular reason or was it just because that was what was going on at the time and it was just for cancer research my story was and my name has awesome cancer quite he is a great breast cancer and I'm fortunate a couple years ago and my best friend passed away and she was under thirteen which cost right arm from breast cancer celebrities I'm sorry to hear about you not in your best friend cancer is obviously something I've spoken about on the show we've had some people you have actually lost love ones is always concert say it's a horrible illness and something that I think if any will confront raise anything and if next yeah they do that again why I'm a bit of a sugar addict so I do not mind is that so would definitely and I'm putting this live on Showtime is as committed to come before %HESITATION defeat join you on that journey because %HESITATION I'd love I'd love to help and %HESITATION race anyway dispenses so count me in next year then went off to do together yeah absolutely fantastic Britain so okay somebody seguindo but nice so I think that this is always to get to know you a little bit now in terms of you got routine you're obviously struck on trying to make an impact to your words more so probably than your voice at the minute but I'm very glad to see have you tell your story as well what I want to do is I want to touch on that time of adversity that you've been through in your life but more importantly what I want to do is if you could give sorry the listeners maybe the lessons that you've learned from it and %HESITATION Weiss tool you in that moment I think M. instead of what one particular situation there have been moments when our style right life is over for one of the great work and I'm I would say those difficult times news and greedy documents I stopped works and what I've learned is that a call and sometimes it's about the account in the second now you don't know how you can get through the day but if you can count five I'm in stock and then count the number five and I keep going until the seed impulses because of our redemption a lot and eight instead of eighteen holes I can't say the same for the passcode on past meetings and so those times have been very very technical and and looking back I feel like if it were to notify chose to go down that route and kind of you know and and my last that would have been hurt a AM a split second decision based on on something that I thought would make the and actually did it didn't and an inmate at best really hard to remember the moment it is something that and United we should it should stay with us it would help me Armin publicly %HESITATION have been a little time off work and hundred something I found difficult not only having time off work with dealing with why I was having time with work and not being ashamed of why I was having time to work and kind of being honest about why I was not black and and then got in fact we all do it I'm trying to get back into a routine which route one and try to get back on the whole wasn't specially checking well it can be done hello dotted nestled in very tangible is something that we can all probably take away not so much myself personally in terms of that life is over movement and I'm just grateful that you oversee realizing that moment it would have been a split second decision in office you chose that though the one dog I'm happy that you did but I just think that thing you said then as you're saying it about it will pass it good old body motions and just kind to five second the thing that's really really important when you say five seconds it it almost becomes something that you can achieve in city do so from telling someone just get for the I was there almost rolling their eyes at me thinking well you don't know what I'm going through this particular moment but if you just ask someone maybe just I don't control your breathing think about the next five seconds trying get through that just try to get through that and like you said it will pass and I think that's really really important because I am a worry yeah I I've got kind of pass away something very trivial could go wrong and I'm I'm screaming thinking it's the end of the world I've been not person and virtually consume myself and made myself %HESITATION from it and I think I'm in a much better place now and I just want to throw a mild all day on this not expel any ball I've recently read a book and it was recommended by my best friend is scored hime stop where you can start living by dell Carnegie so if anyone ever has an opportunity I'm not even sure if you've read that before out or if you actually need to but if you have it maybe for yourself in a state of war you wait ways consuming you that book is absolutely fantastic because what it would do is give you real life examples of people he almost concede that lies and died from stress because there's a great quote that says that it's not hard with that will kill you such you stress and stress has so many complications to it so if we can limit people stressed but you do use the five second rule which I think is Britney put for use not book I think would be a much better place now see that's what would be trying to do with the show so it thank you for sharing that I love that I hope you read much much better place now obvious you've got a lot more self awareness and a lot more tools in your tool kit so yeah thank you for that welcome and knowing what you know not and I'll what's your biggest fear %HESITATION gosh I think my biggest there %HESITATION I think a couple of things one of them is that I will hit my list again dot it's it's and go really well now and I feel good a nice days but there will be a point where I will kind of lose control of myself and and Hitchcock out for milk and then just two hundred square one if you want to call it and and not only that but I still like him the I don't wanna live alliance will run kind of as I felt fighting against my mental health and you know when I when I get older and I you know and talk on my desk get away from I'm just going to want to look back and silicon I didn't make the list the console was so focused on the in this thing out you'll be in this thing out I didn't have any experience is not an insurance so I don't have anything to show for my life on the don't have any good memories a pox on mental health statistics yeah it is and what not I'm just trying to model is that because of some not medically qualified to respond in relation to giving you kind of advice in that book when you said that he's controlled and hit your lowest again the reason that struck me love it was because my mom has been going through front page for eight years and I think that's probably her biggest fear and it's not fair over to want to go back and we sit there we you know we bounce ideas back and forth because touch wood it hasn't happened and things don't be forward three steps and will probably take two steps back Casey three steps back %HESITATION but one of the things is always always in the back you have that one day I've been in a bad situation and previously I was also in that situation is also is knowing that they're tough hasn't always been a part of me if that makes sense yeah and then dot com dries be from complete your somebody I still suffer with the silliest of I'm just moments in terms of just asking people questions of speaking to strangers and I have all these weird things that still can see me but I know there was a kid back then weather is the age of ten or eleven he wasn't afraid of anything and I kind of welcome myself daily to try to get that back and I have kind of shifted it I suppose slightly different yourself where is I don't want to be the I'm just going the only reason I don't mind that is because I want people to draw strength from that to see how to describe it he has suffered with anxiety he was always able to charge from or the teachers or the pay is for more work reports my colleagues but he's very quiet yeah here I'm not I've do not a lot of podcasts across the world so that's kind of I suppose life spirit I think you're definitely much more than somebody with mental health I mean this is just a very brief conversation but even through your blogging and I can be be touch and I'm sure there's other stuff that you bring to the vote that will always leave a legacy other than just somebody who had left the house so please never feel like that the presenter thank you so much you're very welcome I don't want to leave you then hopefully towards something that will cheer you up hopefully which is if I could say to you tomorrow we can take I think is and you can wake up and you could live fuel today what would be that they fool and it will probably involve right and someone and on the beach on a beach chair then and yeah it always involves words when I think of things that make me happy is and yeah something up and I'm just not in not that will kind of make me feel welcome I'm powerful locked into anything I could be somewhere in nineteen eighty seven I really enjoy and those kind of things not listening and you remember that there's more to this than absolutely %HESITATION her license absolutely I mean in relation to your your way it's and that you put so beautifully in your in your blog have you got any visions of maybe write books soul publishing house where was it just blogging that you really enjoy doing %HESITATION I'd love to write protection okay I have been working on something for a while and anxiety based and I'm not just I love him what's gonna on a small like and what could happen in the kind of connection as a book or books not will meet and greet and then select need quite absolutely absolutely I think you'd be great so we are actually going to completely different Polish on this policy was not something that you would have any idea about because I haven't told you about it but long story short it's going to be sixty to ninety seconds of just a bit of fun where we're going to ask you random questions just questions not related to your face T. not relate to anything I suppose that we could consider talking to put them in the bed covers so if you give the listeners a little bit more about your personality so %HESITATION whenever you're ready we're gonna get side okay coke north okay list nine three two one out if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be the death penalty your favorite hobby all rights and what are you sickly good out then nobody does %HESITATION crochet your biggest role model another consul in okay no problem and what would you like to be remembered for the positive happy I'm not missing people whenever they need to your biggest goal this year %HESITATION that would have green star in the mental health block and going back to work if you wish mistake being ashamed of having a mental health issue if you could relive one day again what day would it be identical words I think I'm I'm happy because the ability to fly it will be visible out the invisible instead of five the number one thing that I'm doing easy old five nine as please behind he's been on season nineteen money or fame citing that is you can use it positively and is lost money and it's a welcome pixie cheerfulness if you could sit with one person in the world for an a he would it be I think it will be mine and hit with a what is your biggest addiction %HESITATION buying books I'm not read in them your favorite motivational speaker would you rather know how you would die when you were done how your favorite place in the world my bed I think your favorite song ever Gabrielle by the late eighties junior each important event read my school predict the future read my finally your favorite CPO %HESITATION Wonder Woman what has he won the woman of my own how do you find that %HESITATION with excitement level good good good I just think it's always useful because sometimes we doubt so much into the stories of people I want the %HESITATION listeners to just get to know a little bit more about you intend your personality now those really interesting okay so we're almost at you at the end of the show where we just got two questions left one is going to be about legacy but before we got to that question I want to ask you about reflection also I'm a firm believer the hindsight is a wonderful thing as upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to where we are currently easier quick out with less heartache but I'm also a firm believer that the Jedi teaches us so much and that everything happens for a reason so what I want and always knowing exactly what you know now everything all your wisdom and everything if you could take that back to a younger out and whisper something into is maybe when she was a little bit anxious so confused in life what would you say I think I would say am I'll say it gets passed on it's going to get that song and your going to get better you're gonna involve so much as a constant and and and so and health issue is actually going to be something that can be a positive it's gonna be a superpower learn so much about yourself and you actually can pass any boys one at eight eight the competition you have to speak up I love that and suddenly that she does bring this to the last part of the show which is about legacy harm so now if in a hundred fifty years time signs found to say you me and everyone around us but all that exists is a book and this book is about you and it's about will be credible amazing things that you've done all the ups and downs as well festival with the title of the book say second what the Blair but the back tell us about you the title %HESITATION gonna change the blacklist okay the the black would say it would be a story about a woman who felt like and life was about to end multiple times actually she was she was really strong just hanging on and then when she realized that she was actually really strong and she was crying on her life changed completely and as for title nine and I'm thinking of Harry potter because I love have reports as it might be when he left which is the first chapter of the article yeah that's right yeah the woman in the and also just one out of the blood B. as I'm so glad that you never ended and then I do acknowledge restaurant is on and I just love the bit about not being ashamed and I just hope that people can take and draw strength from your story %HESITATION intensive let's not be ashamed of what we may consider floors because it can truly be a super power he can truly be our gift I'm a firm believer that I'd face T. although in that moment you might be thinking its debt to crumble you and kind of take away from you but in hindsight when I seriously sit back and think about with that the hardships of being through the stories I've heard from incredible gesso yourself it's achieve those moments where we sometimes find a purpose or we sometimes find that ability to tap into something that is cussing credible then maybe that's transpires for your writing as well because I I gave out I'm taking a guess it but I reckon you'll run you so much will power for now because it's probably so much emotion and experience that you've been through that you can put on to paper when you write those stories because your experiences so %HESITATION I always try to use that exist as a gift I know it's a bit key shape but I just don't want people to see as you know why the world after me because I don't believe this there are just because again it comes out about those cities that those W. touching the meat is a touch to stuff that can really detail life so well I actually just right thank you for sharing the what you said about most everything find out just before we leave the show and I give the listeners a chance to connect with you I want to ask is there anything that you wish that maybe I could have asked you that you would want to check with my %HESITATION distance %HESITATION yeah actually yeah right I have two children as well and I'm not just once that anyone here is suffering with the return of mental illness or mental health and they have children it's quite possible and to come thirty minutes a day even then you are responsible for that one yeah I love that I can I just ask that she just to touch that what's the number one thing you would do like maybe the people around you people who come in contact with you to do the reason I asked that already could you give United just in case that it didn't make complete sentences when I sat with my mom and I asked the what would you have liked because initially when she went through depression we have no idea what it was and especially coming from an Asian family was definite to be subject so is almost like why you depressed you know you've got you've got a house you gonna call you kids to find it is always that kind of mentality that surrounded it I'm obviously has been became more away with it and be understood it %HESITATION and so that you know it's it's a real illness one of the things she said to me because if you use that it was I just wanted someone to listen yeah I I didn't necessarily want to solve it because I knew you couldn't solve it well maybe just listen so is this something maybe it could be the same months or something that you'd maybe those people out there who may have somebody suffer with depression random what would you recommend and yes that is just listening and schools I remember that it's not a material thing it's not a physical thing it's not a situational thing although it can come from something that is environmental and it is perception abdomen lay side you know the person is talking to the pace of how they do things and how they feel about things you kind of a new team Hanson and saying well you know you have a coloring book well the war eagle to be sad about it's not going to do this by listening and bear in mind mind while still listening I'm kind of pinpoint and then to to crisis that can help you out thank you I love that thank you for sharing that and just as we finish the show now what is the best place that people can connect with you which of blogs and just maybe say hi if that's okay with you %HESITATION Instagram I love Instagram prohibit Tina my acts is L. formosa on to school LD and am I've got my dog on that and will say my email sighted people can can email me and my team always and I always say I haven't got Jay and me we can relate to something I placed hit me up in the T. I model is just once he left out of that message so I H. everyone to follow this amazing woman he's been very brave to share a story on today's episode of find your voice our thank you for taking time out of your day for sure you store and I wanna hold thanks for listening thanking and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
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Yes you can #36 by Stephanie Taylor
Tagline: "I inspired people to change their lives for the better and create the life that they love"
An amazing story of a lady who rose from receiving benefits and struggling to creating a business generating £400k per annum and finding her voice through property.
Stephanie Taylor is a successful property investor, a loving mother and someone who has changed her lifes circumstances and achieved her dreams. Despite being heavily involved and meeting through the Property this interview looks at Stephanie's personal story as a person. Ensuring I don't bore the listeners with too much property talk, we have kept incredible story to a lady who has overcome many odds.
She has gone from minimum wage jobs, to being refused jobs, to building £100k + revenue businesses. Alongside this, she has established herself as a name within the property sector. She has overcome her own limiting beliefs, and she is also changing live for others. Stephanie also explains her vision is to inspire more people, to take control of their lives. Seeing the benefits it has done for her, she wants others to create their dreams.
Offering a kind gesture to all listeners, or for anyone interested in rent to rent property, she has provided a link below just for our listeners!
This was also the first time someone has shared their vulnerabilities and openly cried on the show. It was a moment you may not have expected as it was for a positive act. Caring, as we touch on in this podcast, the act of just doing nice things with others well-being at the front of your mind is powerful. It is a caring example that Stephanie shares which gets her emotional and also brings home a great lesson.
Key talking points in this episode:
- The importance of your mindset
- Growing your skill set to be capable of achieving your goals
- The importance of caring
- How to work on problem solving
- Not attaching self-worth to circumstances
I sincerely hope this episode provides you genuine value. I also urge you to follow Stephanie's journey if it resonated with you, or if you enjoyed this.
Thanks for listening
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Links to guest:
Stephanies offering: https://rent2rentsuccess.com/findvourvoice
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/missstephanietaylor
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Never give up and keep smiling #35 by Narinder Hayer
Tagline: "I don't believe in giving up, there is always a way to achieve your dreams"
The tag line of this episode says it all. Narinder Hayer is a public speaker, personal trainer, nutritionist, life coach and so much more. She is someone who broke the barrier and led the way for Indian girls to be a part of the gym and make a sustainable, comfortable lifestyle from health and fitness.
She is never one to shy away from her fears and continues to face all the obstacles in her way, in the only ways she knows best: With a smile and action! She is someone who screams energy, enthusiasm and a raw passion for just wanting to succeed in everything she does. She shares stories of incredible transformations from a few of her relationships and discusses throughout this episode the importance of chasing your dreams.
Narinders message is simple. If you truly want to do and achieve something, you can. But it will require a good work ethic, facing your fears, handling opposition, taking set backs and sometimes feeling lost. But if the goal is worthwhile and your ambition matches your execution then it is 100% achievable as she explains.
Now coaching celebrities, having represented UK too on the health and fitness platform, Narinder has huge hopes for the future of health and fitness and aims to be an inspiration to 1000s. I am sure all her clients, family and friend can be very proud, and I am sure you will all hear the authentic enthusiasm in her message on this show.
Key talking points in this episode:
- Not being afraid to be different
- The importance of being yourself
- Learning to love yourself, within as this will transfer to your external world
- The importance of never ever giving up on your dreams
- Never taking no's or set backs as final.
I sincerely hope this episode provides you genuine value. I also urge you to follow Narinders message if it resonated with you, or if you enjoyed this.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Narinder:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/narinder.hayer.771
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/narinder_hayer_fitness/
welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of falling your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today a lady who has really paved the way for women in the health and fitness industry during that hi yeah no no in the highs being in Luxembourg she's been on TV's worldwide she's represented England for so many things in relation to health and fitness but more importantly than that I something that I really connected with was her true in daring nature you see no interest somebody he just genuinely care as she gently wants to see people change their lives for the back and even more importantly should I say something that actually goes through the whole theme of the show is that she writes her own story each and every day she has completely scrapped the stereo type of what Asian lady should do she is empowering ladies from all across the world and she just so insightful in the way that she won conducts a self but T. it depends moving forward so somebody who I can definitely see myself potentially colliding with on some health and fitness stuff as all right you want to try to disrupt that space just a little bit myself but I'm conscious this is a long interview somebody let you stop rambling now and once again it's one of thank every single one of you for the massive support this podcast is growing ahead of a lot quicker than I thought so that is %HESITATION down to you guys and the incredible guess I've had on it so without further ado let's get this interview on the way okay so I'd like to start off by welcome in every day to the show today she has Carly taken time out of a day to share his story so knowing that if you wouldn't mind if you could kind of well first actually how you doing today I five are and how you a lot thank you sorry I almost forgot to welcome you to the show it's okay this is the second time recording today so much he just that I lost my train of thought is off so it's very important obviously I've had a little bit about your story just before we even start this podcast if you could give the listener is an insight in relation to your Janie and up about yourself basically what brings you here today find your voice okay %HESITATION right side my name's me to head out I've been in the house with the this industry twenty three yes and it's twenty three yes I'm talking when I still eat there was no %HESITATION I should be in the gym it was not no information woman's being that Jim Jones I was always told it was okay the Asian boys to be that the culture is a bit different at the time %HESITATION funny enough when I actually went into the gym there wasn't even that Asian boys so it's actually the Haitian pastor in the gym it was it was hot it wasn't the most easiest thing you know it's kind of discriminated against I was gonna knock down several times that many I kinda down the chain I'm a very very strong pass and so on let me go back to how it started so when I was quite young I used to watch my brother is trying on a similar kind of nice to find it quite expiry that break up early in the morning the training and I'm talking like four or five in the morning but not the pop come bokeh chin upset I'll be like well you know what I have to deal with these I'm not well my purpose can do I can do so it was one of those I was kind of into fitness I love this site %HESITATION you know it was just something not quite a spider that was kind of my hobby six seven anybody want to define me that black medicine that you know some easy you could lose mate was actually if it was anybody's wedding at resume da she's in the gym fast to erect cock it was kinda like yeah so that was my karma sentries and I kind of looked at and that's something that nobody can ever take away from you that's kind of my hobby or sign away have confiscated and that's kind of my place where I kind of got it because she had so I remember when I was quite young I said to my dad %HESITATION okay so my dad kinda has become I'm not a job I think is amazing %HESITATION as I was almost on the of how the simple and this is why I'm gonna go out but a how to guide because of my family members and my that's where three years ago okay so I'm thinking of going into fitness I'm my dot com I mean it was not very much in those days it was it not for nation gal to go in the gym I'm my document okay so you guys but if you're serious about it do it you can always talked about that goes just also try on you know you education what you wanted to as I'm still gonna do my degrees and still gonna do Michael sees but this is something I think crime I want to do I think he's got a long way my dad goes well okay if you're gonna do that coach of the boys want to kill kill can do I don't remember that twenty three a and %HESITATION I wait Todd I did I literally I kinda tried with a lot of amazing he fitness guru sensible on these guys eighteen took me into the reading told me what I needed to I mean again I answered I might be a very very strong sweetness lament %HESITATION and I appreciate all the support of out of the twenty three as a lobbyist and knocks me but a lot of people supported me %HESITATION you know the kind of open the doors and I'm so grateful for every possible I hot I'll buy you know what you'd be shocked I'm actually so great for the people that not me as every not box made me the strong I need to get out tonight so I'm actually quite thankful because it made me who I am so twenty three S. I kind of did a lot of cool seats I come to train with a lot of amazing people are rex I love the jeans I %HESITATION I would say %HESITATION I'm a child accounts and I lost which counsel a motivational speaker on the minute you stop you can construct on the beach body coach and %HESITATION instructs out the insanity it's my favorite blackout locating everybody I say I'm I'm one of those guys which writing is located okay if you're breathing on the floor I'll check to see if we give you some more about how you got a free shot back out %HESITATION so whatever levy getting the results if you're not gonna put the effort in so I'm also part of and six in the city which is a famous London team which is for about four just saying is if I somebody does and and support minus lies so %HESITATION I'm part of it and he's under that is old he's my inspiration and I think if he can do that I can do that so I'm part bees at ready Tina team as well I went to Luxembourg recently on the thirty first of may represent quite Brett I represent six in the seat with my team represent T. Asian women represent to date at my religion my committee amazing running sixteen thousand people it was over twenty eight degrees it was the hardest thing of my life but what I kept thinking these and after you've got to grab the medals you need not just one because we went through into faith which is a run for world peace I all the nations and all the coaches come to get it was a fascinating to learn about different cultures I kind of fun I was so interested in not I met so many different people from different countries as well and we went to represent season I want to come back and it's funny the amazing thing all I kept thinking about it he hit sixteen thousand people you sort of collapsing but I can't think his rent out you gotta get these looks about minimum because when you get the swan you'll get the interfaith while which means that you represented %HESITATION I would because I was used in the U. K. I caught fire I don't fight it write it to me I believe in up to a point where I don't make the mistake get up and do it again so I do the I. five O. several times in life but I got up go up and did it again but when I'm excited when you give up before you even tried and you can't do that so if the website and I count I'm not I'm not like happen every always how to never be I don't believe in that's too bad I was nothing you can't do in life it's not really the tensions in your life you can be what ever you want to be and I fixed it twenty three S. amaze it might break K. after twenty yet %HESITATION I introducing sounded to to move on someone to hold on to James it can be expressed in stock it came in the Asian newspaper and next minute the radio shows a ringing me up %HESITATION and then expect somebody okay to beat the comics playing exactly what I've done or not you need to come on the show a wreck everything is nice and I hot how did a couple of obviously because I've been working alongside a remote clients %HESITATION base it went on the show with a couple of out of state and I thought that was like oh my god what what Jerry just think how this might of us next in a live interview went to Europe became one of the most famous Asian gals I'd be on Asian boys twenty three years ago so what Asian boys could it today in the gym it was as you go on the show to ask how they came one of the most famous Asian gals %HESITATION and to go with the most qualifications sigh I have my fish out and ate it comes up %HESITATION I recalled on Wednesday said it show in Asian community on by seven seven one %HESITATION every sat at one thirty and you know what it's so shocking I recorded but I never watch it I don't like the box was not I don't know why I DO nobody's when I look back on it because I criticized offsite knowledge which is get criticism is good but I know I could have them back so I know if I don't watch it I know I made mistakes I'm not I'll do better next time some very critical about myself if you can take criticism be quick critical by itself and take criticism from other people may choose from the past so you know I've kind of done quite a lot of a lot on %HESITATION and then after that %HESITATION unlock doors of life and %HESITATION again I went to see doctor that came back and beat up on a lot of Asian shows %HESITATION I've been to speak for a lot of and so the S. I train about celebrities newsreaders models %HESITATION you know you have the American weight loss %HESITATION so I I do a U. K. version of the song yeah I've had a lot of sounds stories last about a year ago %HESITATION she was twenty twenty five and we ship on a lot right and I mean that was quite a lot she went to a doctor and I talked to said we're not going to Saudi Arabia to say so he goes you need to do so by although I should have gone to see a family you're not you're not gonna see nobody at that point okay because I'm a qualified counsellor she came to me for accounts and she cried as she was made up I'm a Die because I talked to tell me a minute docks so what what support do you talk to and she goes well okay just said on the city's right unless I log in it shows what you offer not just being told him in a tight in your life you know it's not you do not I met some training I was like you know well I will help you through this journey I will get you to that point we will lose the right to get it in a way because the team because I tried alongside my client against on that I don't believe it's under the table motivation starts when you get on the next machine you feel like they did so I chained up and %HESITATION we got down she lost a lot already she then met I love you mom she got married Genovese it was amazing and to go to that wedding when you know it's time to make a speech and told that you know thank you what was life like right that's when you know you're a good passer try as much as I trainees about %HESITATION how many clutch we have the I will control the jeans and then I got twenty thousand I got these I'm not reading I'm like you know what constitutes morning Paul and when my clients good and they got I mean do you know what I'm smiling I feel good I know that I'm a pessimist raise your clients will make you well I'm and I don't know I've always been a strong passing I don't believe in giving up I've never gives I don't I don't believe in that I've always been a strong positive past maybe because of how the support of my family and even now you can show how many people say to make me to give it up you've done enough not you've done so much in your life and I'm not not I haven't it's it's funny I'm not you know what happened in the book well I'm not not that I'm I'm just about to start on the like the you don't twenty three yes I'm not not on what I have in mind today I haven't saw it so these a working on all of that and projects %HESITATION you know some people with disabilities I think everybody has a right to have a chance to trade it doesn't matter what you disabilities you know everybody has the right to feel exactly and I feel good about themselves because training is not about just getting a great body about make you feel good inside I like to make my feet my clients feel good inside and shot it shows on the outside as well fitness is about is about your mind it's about your body and your confidence and I think everybody has a right no matter what ever you disability so I'm I can but a little when I say she's a crime not I have a lot of qualifications welcome to people with disabilities I'm kind of excited to get the ball rolling on the outside the shit and I think they deserve the opportunity %HESITATION I wax or live a U. K. let's not get my chest undead %HESITATION I travel a lot with back depending on when the clients I DO Scott visit and bought yet Scott that cats are too high visits I'm a lot of clients in America %HESITATION yeah basically everywhere and anyway I'm Tom yes I did I don't know I start even now I don't believe in giving up %HESITATION you know after after I've done this with this effort because maybe I thought went today never feel your energy coming through my computer screen right now and I'm I'm say in half as opposed to trying to myself actually and I'm kind of like yes this is the kind of a because this is the kind of person trained about all I would advocate for so I really recommend person trained is not when I went to prison training it was the tree for the happiness of fulfillment to change somebody's life yeah because I know higher losing five change my life I don't care for yeah once T. of numbers I don't I don't necessarily care for the paycheck either it was about instilling that Paris is called to see them really to transform their lives so when you said about how you change that woman's life that was a beautiful story because I've had clients who have come up to me and David you said the best years of their life was the time that they tried to make and sometimes it was not necessarily even the way because it was more about how they felt when they were around me and just that self confidence I was able to give him so I know just from the way you're speaking on the sea you've got to have a lot of experience a lot more than myself that you do that with your clients which is and I've got a list of questions here and I want at least a point someone in real life because your stories fascinated so basically twenty three years in the game now I've been preaching health and fitness fo the best pop eight nine years and the reason I Pratchett is slightly different reason it's it's the fact that I'm just fed up of see people die at around me family friends and eight AM seven and I'm just like why are we not prioritize and a house and it is probably one of the the few a posh is that when I try to work so like on going to depart because not to do you love it I do property investing you are the business is like still keep going back to health so I conversation for another day art your brains because I have some divisions in terms of how we want to disrupt the health sector as well myself and see I think your knowledge would be valuable for that you mentioned no boys Asian boys in the gym at twenty three years ago and that's probably the truth of it because even ten years fifteen years ago when I was at university there was like two guys who actually went to the gym I bet you thought they were weird because while we were too busy drinking vodka and eating kebabs and doing all that crazy exactly that with those ten this is going to the gym you would think it you're wasting unity but straight after university dot such you when I actually started to take my health service in a kind of kick myself in which I went back I also love the lesson that your dad said to you and I think that's a brilliant point go show the boys while I go can do I think that's that's fantastic and it's empowering full any ladies out there who maybe fail that fitness isn't for them it's it's a male thing because it's not it's a passive thing we can also enhance our minds and our bodies and our company history fitness and can you just while we're live on show because I always say this to people not trying to advocate women get into some sort of training can you please dispel the myth that would be able to simply and a reply on the shores think of when the pickle weights I always get a lot of women that come and try and that a lot you're not going to sing I'm not because white pickup more white and got locked out of it that I look at me it's it's you know what it is I think sometimes you listen to so much and you start to believe it you think it's because the guys pick up the right to think what it looks like that it doesn't happen all I am actually I'm really slim but I'm very strong and you can still have a very feminine body still be the most strongest and may think passengers I pick up a lot like and I don't look like a man and I swear I might sound like one teacher is teaching a boxing class and I've called I lost my voice %HESITATION about no you need to mix cardio you need to mix cardio and weights you need to DO resistance wet because about to get one of the most amazing bodies Claudia will make you so lame and skinny the cardio machines and the weight of the dumbbells are the ones that will give you the shape you to combine the two together and I made I say that to every that's my comes at you with a lot we meet on this this week I studies in drama gonna tending to Amman I'm not know why I'm not white he told you that at such and such tell me that I'm not no I always say to my clients that at the end of that I bring my life coach my comes name what is it yeah and I say look into the peace officer making a living you for a while you do pass I tried it but then it teach you how to love yourself once you learn to let me stop you look at this around you you become very inspiring in a meeting and I'm one of those people I don't I think if I find somebody very toxic or negative I don't work that way I woke up sick as I thought about that being a positive passing a wake up the sign right and I and my site I'm always smiling we'll talk only say it's like a speech everybody in the gym I make it my mission to speak to every single pass and in every July and they're going to because you never know when that might need you as sometimes lacking the industry you have to be approachable you have to be at you know kind of friendly towards like you're in the wrong job I have a lot of people come up to me inside so me %HESITATION train is don't smile all you guys could be chest high and I'm like you know what I'm not like that because all I eat if I tell you the %HESITATION just quick story because we sent a in one of the gyms we had a young twenty one year old killed that will say and she sat in the changeover how to Hans covering half iceage was crying I was about to go into each and I remember next poems in towns and I quickly went to change your game on I saw this young gal and I saw this in that with the house kind of light over ice and I was like you okay and she looked up my chest me what did you just ask me how I am and nobody my life has ever asked me about reading I'm not really she does not mean that nobody from my family and my friends have never asked me she was quiet on what you know watch like if you're hot and she does she'll tell me I went no no funny business I'm not like and I kind of broke the ice to start it off I know what you know well what is it you can talk to me I said you know I'm a life coach constructs what you tell me today's confidential BC you have to you know it's confidential she told me to shed its like story because she wants others to realize that you can change your life and she goes we drop I am the bodies and the ladies in the office the grown women with children picking me up because I'm all the way express my head down the toilet wow just not still happen and she was like man dell I get please because I'm over by and she does I I don't like the slight and you can tell this child was depressed and I went okay if I made you a promise I promise you from today and I will change your life I will give you the most amazing body for you I will make you the will meant that nobody will pecan I will turn the tables and make you the most strongest woman if you out with meant she kind of some interest thank you I said no I haven't even done anything yet I was that you don't need to say thank you she was I mean that you're twenty minutes late I'll be T. class I was like these people away you can't and you know what I'll be when I went back to Mel B. T. class they would touch you got me I was not yet ladies get over it but I was I was a child I thought as a child that needed help to that and I'm glad I stop for that child I defy anybody and you know the following day the shop the young gay okay made a call to talk because I'm she's younger she came in to walk me about kind of how it is and she will make chocolate some psych rock festival next to the gym you can bring them in it's not don't give them to each other it's like bringing back he's into that you start it up and she was like this is the US and why I haven't done that she is known to be dating site my like last night I was in that to think right when I got myself together I'm going to do and get as many tablets as I can I'm gonna kill myself she wanted overdoses south and that was the end of it she goes because you gave me a hug and stopped to ask me how was you say my line right I literally cried in the remote site all my god I was like look if I had never stopped which always well I'm not that kind inside for example say somebody did stop I talked with and I did a lot and all because your body because you're overweight I don't like that I think the the council I've dealt with you've been used I deal with eating disorders I deal with cancer patients I do a lot of people and you know what is I do not like please I cannot stop I know nobody does it you know what is in use twenty three S. as accounts and every time there's somebody sitting in my office and that was to help people I'm not about how do you know what people need to stop you need to look at yourself before you pick on somebody else never thought you respect you know what she's all deal with them never because somebody else because it's so wrong and you know what that site when I realize I should I say this child's life so then we started training we got to that point we work with a cast of music to help %HESITATION we've had case she won the case all the people in the office will fight it she's not the assistant managing the office with the most amazing body she loves to sell she has she has a new team of people or young so inspiring and she does not you size model she comes in the jeep and the funny thing is every time I see yes that you're looking very sexy she does you know I look at you guys nobody to tell me and I waited a long time for that you don't tell me about a one point two Charles ones and a lot of shops every time we see out she's or why he's kind of like me that you know what sexy I'm not yet I waited a long time for that this is what I'm saying always make you job say hello to everybody I I deliveries to it because you never know it's only because she knew that I always approach anybody she was I mean it you know thank you so that's why I'm signed up being in the industry isn't just about being a past which right now and I yeah you know it's not that many clients it's about looking after these people carry you gotta be carried these people even if it's not your client you always got to be supported why he's giving everybody a comp you Max these guys will come easy sometimes I see people saying that I'm not you okay no doubt about that coming this summer job I do that I would do for anybody because I see like these my family went to the gym I'd want the site site support from my family you gotta be that for everybody likes to show it so precious you can't discriminate and I think a lot of I recently you know had a lot of comments from a lot of public in the gym and I can sight not even on small yes I'm trying to start small don't talk to us I'm not I'm not I talk to you much you know me I did I think that's why my life coach at a motivational speech it's a kind of good quality to have people or why he cites made when he talked about I'm not thank you for the compliment I never take anything top because you know what everything has a meaning if you tell me it's not so much I'm not thank you I read a note that's why I became a motivational speaker I'd somebody you said you you need to stop what you're doing don't do you modify it you've got enough matter I know with that comment came from it comes from a good place so I'm not roll you know what then you sit back and you think you know what you have issues but they're not my problem you know to me so I I don't give up no matter how many times and like I said twenty three is a long time to be knocked down and knocked down several times on you know what I was right now if you guys can do these I can do that I'll just because I'm Asian Gil doesn't matter who you are it doesn't matter what religion doesn't my what culture if you're a man or woman never give up because you know what thanks to shore you can be what ever you want somebody says you you can't do it you know what to think sit back and think to yourself why can't you can't you know maybe I'll be lucky because of how to support my family but that's become like my manager at the moment my dot you truly will all go up to exit out what you think about this project I've been often these days my doctor now so we will yeah I'm a god is amazing yes I was late and I don't think a lot of people have that support I know it's hard but you know what never give up because you look back and regret it I do a lot of people I'm not you know what what did you want to be you know you that conversation when you're young in the greatest advising us what would you like to be when you grow up about the conversation with a lot of people in the gym and they're not I want to do this but I never did I'm not whites all is just get a fighting I'm not reading out it's never too late to try it you know these people try to you know what thank you I try and help everybody as much as I can I don't I don't believe in giving up I I just think small goes a long way it's funny the most powerful thing I have and I always see like these must must be the most powerful thing that somebody nobody could ever take away from me because that's something that makes me who I am and I saved a life as for a lot of people %HESITATION so yeah I am also thankful to god I say my parents taught me but you know what the end of the day I always state right to go out and say thank you for your help I I'm happy and you know every good thing the opposite my lot I do I go to the temple thank you as you cannot forget god without doubt there's nobody and that's my that's my you know I've been in about it %HESITATION but a lot of people have helped me over the years and I'm so thankful %HESITATION you know a lot of people still which why not me I'm not you know what there's no way you can knock a strong woman you caught not someone who knows if they going on just love that so it gained under point someone up on a kind of put out of this if I may basically I just wanna say obviously there was %HESITATION the whole support network which you've been fortunate to have for anyone who doesn't have a support network I think we definitely need to look at the only two people like yourselves to the new windows in the vote even myself always try to go out my way to help someone whether it's a phone conversation %HESITATION face to face me up just to try to support people there are genuine you people out there who will take time of the day to help so don't always think that always more moment I don't believe in me thus it my dreams are over because I have to go against the grain on set in decisions in my life and in hindsight I'm so grateful that I just bit the bullet and took those phase out the way because actually turned out okay so definitely recommend people to do that another thing I picked out from you is that I long settled is vibrant and bubbly energy does a person who truly K. as in not a not so you'll be what kept you going as a personal trainer I love that about you because one of the things I resonate with on the is not that's how I felt with my clients I could feel that pain saw was that somebody was always naturally in great shape I was in OK shape our country really bad shape then I got back into shape so I could always kind of empathize what they're going through one of the things that really hurts me to this day so I stopped I actually want to one trading for a long time now and some of my clients have kind of gone back to their old habits Bubsy changing this circle of interest and I didn't really get side when I see them not and I still feel like having invested in that they're a part of me and I always feel like I haven't done much of property that they haven't been able to sustain it and even to this day does does does somebody got to listen to the shows the public knows you're talking about it would mean the world for me to see him go back to how we used to be because there's so much potential there by gay like to kiss don is the G. about taking that motivation I think especially when you've done it once so really you cannot speak from experience you've been day you've had these holidays for some people that may be having how did this difficult all I know just quickly going back to my place here he's been there he shape and this is for anyone one if you've been there yourself or to it to somebody else has been there in the world that shows you as possible yeah that's what it sort of I I and I'm gonna say great now that because I am curious how you've got so much energy now I have a lot of energy for about eight hours of the day yeah I saw that you so I'm not sure interpret surprisingly enough Lafayette suffered a lot shyness in his eye and a lot of the times somebody was smart on the wall would have to do with our small part it's the new look at the floor so it looks like on boarding up when I was never avoided a prose too shy to actually made that quite content I'll change nine but what I want to know is one obviously how you keep descended yet because I'm sure we could all do with that top of this if if it's available but what's your what's your daily routine from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep at night you know what festival going back to the top of it it is no trouble only is basically I don't believe in giving up I think you get once make the most of your life and like you said you see in a lot of people also let him you know what we see I've got loads of close friends who passed away I have a lot of kinds includes kinds of patients who passed away and that broke my heart you realize that you know wall you could be here today and gone tomorrow you gotta make the most of your life so you can do it I would say to everybody I'm gonna go as far as I can tell all I think that's you know but it's never going to be you know I'm so for me I don't know I wake up in the morning I kind of lie I don't know I kind of hate to go I wish you a lot people like you don't know religious but where does he said you have to look religious ready to go out I thank god a one to one basis that's my relationship with my car I wake up I pray to god I'm not quite a gives me not strong motivation I'm not right I'm ready for the day I do not like this all right above the pass and so there's nothing in your diet that gives you this expect that healthy you know I have breakfast and then you should be all a lot of the men make the mistake of mixing me wasn't thinking that get the most amazing body it it doesn't lock you need to be having breakfast let's do not to knock and I make it why is housewife who died too much I have a daughter with me so make sure that I he take exactly I'm eating healthy I do have a treat every so often I mean a lot people think that you cannot you have to live that life if you're on a diet no I have everything keep modulation I have all the treats I want I have everything I don't even give up two parties I love to buy these and I can't give up my house basically so I eat very healthy throughout the day %HESITATION if I feel like I need something I'll have it I don't give up I still have everything in moderation well my attitude I don't know what she can do because I think what it is for me twenty three years of being knocked out every not bad made me strong ago so and it made me realize wow that's a very very negative press people in the cell and then I realize I mean the right job because that's how spent the house well he was a speaker at an event a couple weeks ago and you know talk about mental health and fitness actually does help out in the press that is all a T. depression anything can align fit ness releases endorphins as you know you know when you're training it releases a stress you need to be in that gym because of the sea a lot of people think hi consoles that will not solve the problem and I don't know I always just I'm just always been a positive but I'm not signed everything goes cafe in my life and every day he's not going to I hop but they sometimes but you know how I analyze it %HESITATION well you know what what was a bad day something goes wrong I'm not okay eat on working on a project and to go through I'm not okay it was not meant it wasn't meant for me yeah it's a great job thank you think you know what I cried about it what are you going to do so I went somebody a long time ago and he gave me this advice you guys if that's something physical in your hand you can change change it to that %HESITATION physical why you gonna cry stress yourself and make yourself go about it so I always remember the I'm not was one of the managers when working in accounting he was with me and he goes to minimum dot remember this for the rest of your life and I don't remember the name of the yes and I think to myself you know some truth so if I got a project and it wasn't meant for me I'm not allowed you know well what can I do next it pushes me even more motivates me more to read something else so I don't believe in giving up yet nice not all right perfect and probably some of the most likely I'm always slightly outside I'm joking I love the mall %HESITATION jokes how for the timing of the loss of the drugs and all you crave these jokes my clients and they look at me like media craze yeah but you know what so why do nobody any hawk how will be passed always happy because maybe like I said he knocked for twenty three years is a long time of being knocked down and every not back made me a stronger Gail I thought how did you knock me like all right for example hi %HESITATION couple of em yes I got I want to do that we and that was the show when it was that kind of life coaching and I said to the guy a BC which I like to come right and he goes yeah once a month it was like like coming his stage I'm on a story is about and he was a light blue at that point he sold the skills quite strong she comes on this day she's going to overtake my shop and actually he's thinking was wrong I want to I each collaborate and become the most powerful people on stage he think that fall so he %HESITATION inside the box no onsite and go head to make you show even better than what it was and he goes no thank you not this time most about and at that point I was let me go it was like wow these he won't let me on stage some all night and then be analyzed each the fact he had beat almost social media page check out get not skills to awful looking at that stage and this website sometimes people take it the wrong way so he let me on and the following week find another way and ended up on somebody else's show so that even came about absolutely this is one size something's not meant for you you're not meant to work with people and I thought wow I didn't know I thought I did shoot and I'm like that's right presents what weight I. light weight can be strong motivational inspiring people support not not cute if they're gonna not me I don't know what could that you know me and but I will never lack connect to people if you're gonna not me I will never record I twenty three years of the Knox noble so now I'm one of those people if you come across as quite negative and toxic and you find me intimidate eight then I won't work but I'm not intimidated passable humble guilt you have to wear at twenty three Hodges my dad the Eiffel Michaels is my dad said to me if I give you the money for each course he goes you will never understand the meaning of money so all right well I do not invested in my old cell I tried this leads many not get from that are the best in the next calls on the next all my equipment and I built my business like that I have that much equipment in every location on like art I don't even know what else is wrong %HESITATION I'm a very very down to earth pass and sometimes it looks deep I look at your yes my stuck up I'm not that kind of because I could be still call even if I tried I'm a very humble down to as Asian funny GTO that's what I am and somebody comes up to me is that he just well I will give you a hundred ten percent I'm not that kind of pass it even if it's something I can help you with I will find a way to help you will recommend you to the right people I don't believe in giving up and I don't even know how I help every single president no matter what it is even if it out my compass %HESITATION I will go out of my way to help you spend thank you you know what your battery's five eight that is the first time it's five you have such a positive vibe about you you come across a might be so much of may and okay so I don't I have twenty three as your age at you to me it sounds equals may decide well I because I love that's not to say I love the motivation I love what you're doing I mean these podcasts I'm like all my god how to make that this man has done so much and trying to get the people to help people and I look for thank you so much for that all that's there is something that really hit a note with yes please when you said that guy who was afraid of you coming on the shelf not if I have to you almost kind of from the outside look at yourself and look at me way completely different in terms of your very energetic and very it wears I'm quiet and more I suppose I quit laid back no delays because it sounds better one thing that actually excites me is the %HESITATION I'm sitting here thinking I need to come up with this person on something something to change people's lives because we always get exactly the same thing also you know amazing exactly and I don't have the space to mourn set off %HESITATION death and I'm trying to because at the end of the day what's going to happen is say for instance we were on stage you're gonna get X. amount of people are gonna resonate with you better there's gonna be except for we have our own or just put together what you're doing that you're talking to a much wider audience and always believe that we should always try to have the abundance mind set because it how many times you kind and we have the same values and ethics because %HESITATION what I'm hearing from you is your cat for the people or your stories relate back to how you've helped somebody at an absolutely loved and that's pretty much it meet in a chat well I've had a lot of like I said because we're trying to see the not wet creek I when I go trying to clients and redox you out too much experience what we've already got this online white which is always out you guys exactly equal survey SO training like you said it's not about just having someone clients are not only I say that to anybody I'm like you know what all I'm not suitable for you guys you know there's so many amazing people out that only difference Whitney's I train alongside my clients if I had and the thing because I think I will get with every single machine these people because I want to make you feel special that time I'm a very professional training when I train my clients will be safe I don't talk I speak to anybody in the gym but when I'm trying to my clients my focus is on my client that one out of spending with these people is my focus if somebody comes at the height of the dot I just put my hand up and not say you will not get comes out to meet us my client is a mostly pound hello that said it not Rick for me because I have paid for that time they want they want the results all you don't believe in easy back out I'm kind of like a killing machine if you guys come to my class you got a couch eating out you had a good workout I have a lot of my clients who would text me let me go read out you killed me I cannot sit on the toilet skis I can't get it to bet on coffee I mean I %HESITATION and I'm like I spun off and locked and then not your marble I'm not no give me a couple of days your ring me back in your blood you know I feel good they do he's on site sometimes people don't understand what has some training for me that's what I need overruled is about clearing your mind yeah I did shoot your confidence shuttle lifestyle and it's about mental health it will bring that everything for you it's not just about getting amazing party SO training for me is it not as a Chinese I will make you feel good insight and I she stopped to lead to love what you have on your side everything went yeah if your happy yeah how do you approach to the people how you have conversations I will be even more policy I said you will attract positive people you been positive I think not our whole and you know me but I did find a lot because we train is Connie using the same technique a lot of hassles like this I've come across I'm not saying this some amazing people that yeah %HESITATION but I'm I'm just talking about I see you on it they always need they know that I'm talking about it hello and I would bet you that nobody's okay I know but I'm saying sometimes it's just about training and I was over there good bye see you later bye let's see now it's just the training is not the personal side and the personal size that's the most important thing social key I'm like wow sorry and I'm so can somebody recently I like I said someone may ask train is out there the amazing talented people I'm talking about Pacific for them on the talent that I believe it should be mentioned and he was like yeah whatever so he was so he's going to hear it basically yeah it is watching you guys okay I was on the back catch it about yeah that's all I thought well I think people like that and this isn't to kind of light what people are now allowed speak up I think it's a bit like you know when people go for normal job just hate their job where as some people genuinely love that job so when I was in person training I actually Jan you need is love being there where is the whole approach of all my god the times of hall five when I was in corporate I couldn't wait to leave the office off I sent like kind of I can relate to them so what I would probably suggest to those people is is personal training actually for you because it isn't as easy as let me ride Jim plan and then I stand there and kind of the reps it's a fight physically it takes a lot of energy it takes a lot of mental energy takes about physical energy especially if you get involved yourself is off and you have to be a hundred percent committed to changing that pisses life used the truly invested in your services so I always think when people celebs can become a best trying to because that they have that you can make the for your wife of about a month I'm like you you're going into it for the wrong reasons is going to be this will be something intrinsic within you that Jen you want to see people change if that makes sense so I thought it ready for me when I mean it's SO tried it wasn't about the money just Soviet and everybody was like well you know how much you can and I was like no I'm gonna help you I mean if you want the twenty eight I love helping people even when I was younger I always being back having like and I'm like if I can help somebody if you put a body %HESITATION and they would like would you not you don't want to know what you have right now that will come and then he went to get away about but if you call me the view that I'm gonna put you on hole it's it's a wrong way to think up yes you've got to be paid I understand not that you know what you have to care about what's his what's right able and you cannot just out I'm self catch you later yeah I think the key and this is kind of more why trying tell people is find something not one of the C. makes you happy yeah makes you for failed and then the money itself you know come from some place people tasted the opposite way they're going for the money that the fed up with the %HESITATION than the one copy and I'm not switch that around the only problem is is when we do it probably our way as I'm sure you can you can test of this when I first life has tried it wasn't any more money than their previous jobs I was doing but I was enjoying it obviously for which the whole nine I was he would be fine but I didn't have the energy especially when I started it was I do a session and then up to maybe another one that I need a break and it's difficult it's tiring which is why I find you inspiring in terms of you seem to have this consistent headed yet again we're gonna find out how to put in a bottle cause gonna sell it should make the money but I have yeah it's a brilliant thing and I just wanted to touch on just before we move on to the next question one other important thing that you touched on to anyone hearing this story now you seen somebody he seems very confident who is confident he's very great at what they do but they also mentioned something really important and that was that you have bad days I'm not something always trying to help people that don't always look at what you see on social media and I assume the everyone's having this perfect lifestyle because I'm in the day it's very rare somebody's gonna think or do you know what I'll just post my shit and social media so it's refreshing to hear that you have these bad days but he's already absolutely if somebody says that they've never had a bad day they lying if somebody is ever if somebody can put their hand up and say never been depressed they line up is made the number one thing is I teach everybody I guarantee you that has %HESITATION fruit something in the lot doesn't matter the most successful people in the world hot hot times like that you make sure you meant if you've never been through it the line you know me I know everybody I hop so amazing successful people that I train it'll be for it but you know what that's made in the past and they all decide what that's like but it's how you deal with that you can either cut up and the lights are out or do something about it and I'm one of those people like if a project goes wrong %HESITATION something goes wrong you know what that's okay to shop for you know we're gonna find another I mean she can I find the whole to do anything %HESITATION and I get in that way and that got kind of like yeah I don't believe in giving up there's always a way to get into something that you wanted to on our love dot it's about people some people don't want sexy you be shocked how many people are waiting for me to file even now I I have so many people have supported me over the edge from amazing trainer is to is to is to solve many people bought is also a handful of people who don't want me to succeed and Molly you know my comment to these people is you know what there's no way you can not me you know to me so how can you not somebody who doesn't even given up yeah call but it would be nice to see more people like me more like you sell inspired beat you know helping out community and let people know that the all people that will support you anybody anybody sends me a message and we don't want to get into these old my clientele is not very good what can I do I will go out of my way to help you to make you the best because he wrote motos that's what it's about making you guys even better hi yeah read read different personalities I suppose in the us up enough I as I exactly the same but there is a lot of people in the world you don't like that and they want to see people do well and is a pretty cold I want to see do well but never as good as them I cannot get the I think it's a sketch to mine so I think we need to be in a place of abundance in terms of support as many people as you possibly can because the more people you support the more support in retrospect you'll get yourself is all and that's how I can move quicker in the road so I I love that you do that I suppose what we're trying to do is almost fine collapse people's Janie's because we've got the eight years of experience that ideally it would be great if not we have to go through the years to get to where we are not loved not within the first year maybe two years so %HESITATION it's it's brand well my med like I said I'm a mental for young students who want to get into fitness I'm sorry well I am trying to do you kind of hit on the night trying to get take the twenty three yes these people that anyone it is less than twenty three yes I want these guys to be the best because that reflects on you if you make a bet then you I don't wanna needs today we have all models to these young says and I'm not sure if you guys want to be back you want to be better than me and you like it was like now I don't think that then you got my note reading I'm gonna make you better yeah as if I make you better than me you have done I don't what I needed today and you'll the next role model if you were the next strong guilt you're the next one next and you know what we've done it we stock eat the bulls already %HESITATION you know and all I see everything because the tricks of the trade I mean every project I wanna come on all you will share that with everybody I need to tell you guys why I did this but how about how bout these the cat hobby to divest background behind you we define quality is like I said I'm a life coach got some motivational aside many different qualifications make you a very strong now I have a lot of qualifications in my hand I actually have the molds qualifications %HESITATION and that's why I ended up with my shop that's because I don't believe in giving up even now when I finish one project among the next I never stopped and I don't know maybe that's why I'm really bubbly all the time I'm not right next challenge although not next what what I'm doing to myself up to that point where I have everything in one hand so it makes you the most strongest possible Gail in the west Midlands and that's why in the world at the minute I'm thinking that's a three nine it's on the anything people out there out sick makes it but there's no reason why you call be the you know the face of the world and I think with your enthusiasm and with your knowledge and stuff you should definitely try and obviously I mean not right away you know I would love to work with you and see if %HESITATION you know obviously everybody sneaks into this you are amazing thanks much I would love to collaborate with you you come across as for me you said yes to me doesn't seem like a guesstimate site you're exactly the same as me and I'm not up on the web these press and you have the energy you have to drive you have the passion and you want to do good for these people I'm not I would love to it is in on it so it could be just me we're definitely not on the station could you also touched on the disabilities is on and one of my siblings and long story short is when they first came they croon walking straight lines and stuff so that to do a lot of %HESITATION patient therapy and one of the things that hit me was they will get in segregated at school and there weren't a lot to pay for what I goals and stuff and you really upset me and one of my passions and it was one of my goals I wrote down and I kick myself because you know how you go through life and the life takes of you get certain things that you you were supposed to do one of my goals is actually to create something for children with autism children with learning difficulties to have the ability to do fitness so you touched on this at the beginning of the episode early trip mate and all of it so I think it's a conversation with obviously take out of this podcast let's make an impact can the globalization's now this yet %HESITATION along projects on the cell because I think everybody from adults to young children have every they should have the same opportunities as everybody else and they should never be said we'll get and it's such a shame that you know that at school especially when such a young age that kind of life separate eat old they cannot take part in an event and I think every child has every right to be part of it is about how they do it yeah I if I can help not just out of those children of the what I needed today that that is the practice of my job so the middle part I'm not you know what yes you know what we'll do a great job with this witness well thank you for that yeah you wreck on worldwide if you would come with me because we need to access is out there so I'm gonna segue little bit dense you've had obviously not box after not blacks throughout your journey into and I can only imagine how difficult it is for a lady to go into a a predominantly male industry especially when you did and that being Asian on top of that as well but you've come through and I think it's gonna be ever done for anyone listening up until this point that nothing's going to really stop you which is fantastic and I should inspire people that a lot of it is just our self belief I'm always said just like looking for when the door just silo hole just to kind of find your way through I really love that what I want to ask you that is in this particular moment right now what is your actual biggest fear I see Molly I don't want to be safe yeah I want to be out of that to help as many people as I can in the U. K. on me maybe if it got to be at all I can't reach you need everybody that I need six not something I gained arsenic within the fear of when you start to realize that your ways have an impact to your your job or your service can change people's lives you almost feel like you said you you that you want to you want expanded so you've had like such a positive impact on so many people from here tonight looks of back to the TV shows which could be broadcasted anywhere in the world and now it's kind of like okay I've got this power with this kind of responsibility I need everyone to know this and I'm a bit like not to let your story now he's he's teaching me so much value I want to kind of share with as many people as possible so kind of agree with that because I think that's probably a similar answer to what I would say is well but one thing that I like about you that you're not afraid to show your best way as well yeah in the fact that %HESITATION what if somebody takes a %HESITATION will gets better than me I liked what you because it is about I see isn't that the point is that the point I said my best way to somebody's back as a result of me helping them exactly another people thing with that is because when somebody actually asked me the same question so when I ever started like property or fitness I was just give him everything life or limb like two six and they were like yeah you got a hold of him but to selling those that will not really because the reason I do this is so people live longer and live happy yeah yeah I would like but you should hold some of your stuff back and I said listen can copy me and they can take it that's absolutely fine actually I find that as a compliment because the logic is in me well I think of the material so they can always be one step behind me or the time so I'm happy to kind of give my best because every year even after this conversation of late so much more again and this is one of the podcast because I get to connect with people with more experience more life lessons and I almost level up every single time so I have no fear of giving my best work on that particular day because I know tomorrow is another opportunity to grow give more I nothing obviously you demonstrate that you've been doing that which is why you've been so successful print or not you're very welcome you know what you give me so many compliments and US I say a general I think the same of you I think you are very talented yeah your past that I think he's lacks a lot %HESITATION you know your quality of lax as a law I can tell just by speaking to you today that use change so many people's lives you've done exactly what I did %HESITATION %HESITATION yeah your message press which I got hello all I will definitely be recommending you to a lot of my clients someplace I can't reach some clients don't want to I J. men and women yeah so some men sometimes just want to check with someone that I know you too how to you know send the details of possibly not needs trying it out and because it's made me that I will let you know if you on line and I was somebody exactly like me hi so much passion and drive you want the best for these people and you remind me so much of me I'm right now I will go back and see people cage you are amazing and you know I love people don't give you the option to like today I mean you get the option to to come on and share my life story and I eat I'm so grateful for that because everybody gives you an opportunity not you know I mean you got message to share on something that I think will resonate with a lot of people that say this way and I appreciate that and I always think everybody's always supports me my life I'll always be split them guys you know me you are truly amazing to size I mean give me doc ready I think you know what to me I'd like I said the surface tones but came to meet your true inspiring I've come a lot from you today to keep RC dot so what I'm gonna do is now that she'd read that is all going to walk with the fun part of the show and this is a part of the show where I'm gonna ask you stuff that we haven't touched on so it can be very random topics such as coke or Pepsi for example and the reason I say this is just the kind of give the listeners a bit more of a flavor into the kind of person that you are that you off somebody else other than this driven and passionate person trying to trying to change the world you do like stuff like pizza or met on %HESITATION yeah they yeah until six so it's gonna be about sixty to ninety seconds so whenever you're ready I'll get site yes I'm ready okay we're gonna going three to one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be I don't know that's not a good one and I come back to the book okay your favorite hobby as for would you rather know how you would die when you would die when why are you secretly good at that nobody knows a lot of things I just I had a lot of talent no I house unless you're one of the I don't know I think I'm really good at telling jokes your biggest role model okay mumble model on the sea my father what would you like to be remembered for as one of the most all these motivational fitness girls in the U. K. in the world in the well if you could relive one day again what they would it be yeah he thought all I had the most famous Asian gill on and cakes as the day you got through so fast but I wish I had the chance to slow down I have so much to say and the show just gonna finish and that was it and I enjoyed that is amazing the ability to fly %HESITATION being visible invisible the number one thing that annoys you people gossiping about people money or fame your proudest moment see my family so proud of me %HESITATION specially come about from Luxembourg the medals into quickly and I'll be like when I walked in the house lights on these resembles a basically how to best your favorite food the food is actually agency which is by the soft cheese what is your biggest addiction I like chocolate your favorite motivational speaker myself if you could sit with one person in the world for now he would it be and finally we're gonna go back to you if you could about each one thing in the world what would it be toxic people I can't read it so that's the end of the F. on fire and and we're almost out yet the end of the show nine so I just want to ask you to form the questions if I may to read that so high so it's a wonderful thing I'm a firm believer that we can do to get to places quicker easier and less heartache but I'm also a fan believe that the JD teaches us so much as well so what when and always know when everything that you know now with all of your experience in one of your life lessons if you could go back to a young never into maybe twenty three years ago for example and whisper something into it yeah what would you say I go back and say to me da that every note box don't cry obviously but as you've got you know to to to haul a whisper and say you know what never give up and you know what become the best you can and the last question is if in a hundred and fifty years tiny signs vows to save us and all that exists is a book and in this book it's about you it's about the life of an everyday it tells us or them amazing wonderful things or the ups and downs of your life firstly what with the title of the book say and secondly what with the summary at the back tell the person picking up to entice them to read it Hey that that's fun to the book would have thought of me that smile I think he's almost social media I didn't say that never give up always smile and become the best you can yeah it just say you need to read this book like about it just an old car inside the box and it was like something like two twenty three years of my life would not be easy I had a good time to have the bad times did you know what what Judy made me who I am today I'm to be calm the best you all you need to you need to experience but you need to read this book on the yeah what say you know what you want to become strong yeah this is not in this ticket out it will make you the most phone he's accent in the world one of the generator yes I love it six I just before we close the show is there any questions that you wish I'd asked you that maybe you want to convey to the audience no I think can you awesome amazing questions questions that I've never been asked before and it made me think for the fist on on on well it was amazing you know I kinda let so much myself today I think everything you do in your life teaches you something one yeah and after this you know after the podcasts told me so much you know and it's made me a stronger the most mighty kind of pass and you know it might my message is getting across to people %HESITATION and you know and I always used thank you you're very welcome thank you as well for your time and just what I want to do now is give the audience a chance obviously connect with you so what's the best place people can reach I I and maybe tell you in that they listen to the up so just follow your Jenny which I'm sure that it is so much from other social media for me is at the moment my Facebook and Instagram post if you think what I'm doing I'm on my Instagram page which is never in doubt I'm just goal hi yeah that's HA Y. E. R. a discourse so all my Instagram and Facebook zero I see I'm on Instagram Facebook Twitter and linkedin as well but my need to use more of my life coach he motivational best place to find these Instagram you'll always see everything continue and I will kill my clients and law I do can and you know while I have no shade just about it is a mess I colleges I don't I don't feel bad for you because I know at the end of it and get the most amazing body so yeah social media %HESITATION he won T. M. and they want to go on social media because I mean the mile on an eight hi Charlie why he are at Hotmail dot co dot UK fantastic well we'll do is get %HESITATION in those a few the actual property links I'll put him in the show notes so anyone listen to this can list you click info and then directly go straight to the pages so make life a lot easier I would once again thank you for telling me show the store today for everyone at home thanks for listening thank you silence thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
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"The Hopeless, Homeless Hero" by Dave Heffernan #34
Tagline: "Control the controllables"
Dave Heffernan, has such an inspiring story. From the age of 5 his life has been about indirect selfless service linked so closely to adversity. it has seen him, become used to death at such a young age. It has seen him, cope with grief, death, homelessness and violence. Yet amongst all this, what Dave shows the best is that we all have a choice. He chooses gratitude, positivity and happiness. Dave has a perspective and mindset that I we can all benefit from to truly improve our own mental health and well-being.
Now a pioneer for mental health and wellness, Dave is making a larger impact on the world and it was a privilege to have him on the Find Your Voice Podcast. He is truly sharing his voice. Dave and I also spoke, briefly in this episode but more so prior to it about his health conditions too. He will inevitably (as told by medical professions) become paralysed. Yet even At that moment he found a silver lining and now pushes further to help serve as many people as he possibly can. This show is about people like Dave. This episode is a blueprint for what Find Your Voice is all about.
I urge you all to follow his story below:
Some key discussion points:
- Making peace with your decisions
- Finding the positives in adversity
- How to control the controllables
- The importance of listening
- Improving our Mental health
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to Dave:
Website: https://daveheffernan.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/daveheffernanltd/ (page)
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/david.heffernan.969 (personal)
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/daveheffernanspeaker
Pippa transcript:
welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of your life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of find your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I am delighted to have to bring to you today a pioneer for mental health and wellness but more importantly than that a guy who truly cares and that's how would so what Dave although Dave himself actually because I'm self the hopeless home is hero and when I asked him one of the questions that run the show but he's so much more than that you see Dave has had to deal with adversity pretty much his whole life and I'm talking everything such as death grief abuse homelessness and even violence yes one of the things I love about Dave is he's attitude and the way he touches meanings to the events that happened in his life because after all we all go through adversity but we always have a choice you see we have a choice of whether where a victim weather where a Victor and Dave explains choices in relation to always try to be the Victor and always try to see gratitude in that moment he does that incredibly now we only touched on some of these adversities in life and I'm sure you're gonna agree that he's life highs definitely had its fair share of troubles and obstacles but one of the things that I really acknowledged about David are really was grateful that he was able to share not just with me but hopefully with you guys as well was his mind set his mind set is fantastic and whatever hits him he's always finding that silver lining and that is what makes him such a special character I sincerely hope you enjoy this episode I ended you or to follow his journey after this because I have learned so much and even since recording this my whole perception has changed dramatically to order the cards that I have been dealt so without further ado let's get this interview on the way okay brand so I'm extremely excited today to welcome Dave on to the show where we're gonna be hearing about his incredible story but more important even than a focus on choices now the theme of choices will become more apparent as we obviously dive into this episode but I think before we begin I'd like to face the welcome Dave to the show and Dave how you doing today I'm all the plans are you I'm very well thank you very well so if you wouldn't mind Dave could you kindly give us a summary about you story really in terms of what got you through life and where you are today yes certainly well I grew up in a place called out sold which the self Graham I'm just that and it was actually described in a channel four documentary as being one of the roughest council station hold your and my house bordered solve the dogs we all saw the docks which is now sell the keys weather ABC immediate six years I and as a five year old needs to go over there on the owner just watch the ships in the way because it was just a magical place I am a ball parks on the aces the docks closed down and would not thousands upon thousands of them on the plugs and skilled workers and so it became a very rough and crime with in place I am SO at age five I became an altar boy and I'm a local church with the promise girl I was with and I said my very first funeral five years old which is not normal I know only a lot my life a lot of people say that's not normal and and you know what is normal and the day is you know how you base your expenses and which becomes normal GA I sell other age five assimilationist funeral and between the age of five and a S. there go with four hundred funeral soccer game quite used to death and grief a very early age in this site really shades I am a life on several of a poem about life choices I am at but what it did allow me is on the edge of a gain on official grief counselor although she said next to me just bought a house out and I always say yes all the canal provides the walk could do was listen now I support and help hundreds of people have been suicide over the last few years and the biggest thing I could dig and anybody could do to save people's lives I'm not so just help people three mental health issues is the lesson about sequence in my mouth for a reason and so between the age may in nineteen the sent over four thousand funerals so I would consider myself an expert on grieving and death I am moving forward about three death threats seven three broken jaws to over the game itself and I've identified the young forcing you all pressed you your words when and many years ago was now each way okay and so a lot of variance in my life and every single explains I abroad I don't say that was a plus seven was a learning K. that could be taken from it I'm thinking of my experiences from a very young age I was able to and won the strategy is consistent with in my life which is now coming to I am now as a mental health and well being consoles and waking the likes the football association in Manchester I working wrestling condemn isn't just out in the sun life basically why are not fascinated so I see some of the stuff you mentioned there wasn't some of the summary that you gave me when we previously spoken so much the god that you did that because it's given me a bit of an insight into some of the questions actually was preemption to ask you on the show so five years old you've almost become an official grief counselor now you just said it yourself that isn't really considered normal especially as we're kind of in that stage were very my double the car just finding out who we are I want to ask you a little bit but not then so do you feel that has had a negative impact on your life growing up in terms of how you've handled it what do you think that you are better equipped for the investor no I got don't see negativity that's all because I didn't know dot wasn't normal no that was my life and so you just go through life specialists of Jim gauge just accessing this is what it is you know kids of a guard out just putting his respect so just saying all is calm of it you know kids are very resilient and we don't give them the credit they deserve and so by you walking into the church I'm yes I remember the very first time I did it I remember clearly the coffin was higher than me I was calling government and all citizens not and then it was a quite intimidating you know the five year old I am for it was you know is currently building you know when you've got a hundred and twenty one one thirty people all crying four five six years old as you know all I could day was focused on what I was doing about sign site with the job site with the for the priest that whatever is fed in all of them the bread and the wine our weather is sad the holy communion or whatever it may be and may our number must process in my bonus and you know but with a four month on this I just have to be present and focus on what was then in the now and not with what was happening all that in the future you know so backtracked Cassie any negativity it's all about it you know it's how you is how you shape your experiences and how you react to them absolutely absolutely and I think you also to turn a brilliant point is all we talked about listening not fully enough out you just released a very short episode this week about listening but not so much in terms of the mental health perspective which is what you've touched on and the reason I think that is an important point I just wanna raise a gain but you said is because my mom suffered with chronic depression she still does for the the best part of eight years so up until eight years ago meant to have to be wasn't really it wasn't important from completely honest it wasn't part of my life was a Pontiac on these life as obviously I've started to live with someone are you my best friend who's not going through this stuff obviously became more aware and the more I speak to people with mental health heads above the premise behind the show as well the more I realize is that you've hit the nail on the head that listening is so important sometimes they don't want you to you instantly trying to fix that problem will solve it sometimes it just wanna sound board just for you to hear a man that you want is to actually feel like they might and their opinions matter something must be for that you said that and just in your line of work as well I can imagine how important it is for you to observe doing that as well as Muslim parts and the thing is what people going through depression is very real you know you get a lot of motivation speaking you gotta live people or therapist how often the pace you know I don't want to come here as a ball of therapists pedal faith you know and they give you a little bit to the field it faster I have talked about the private side of things rather than so then I just sighed and we'll give you a little bit to make you feel that that's about let me still list what if what if what if and then also bring these people living in or can't get out as at least to be with this life is a lot more and why there is my top line is my job is to be out of a job you know if I got somebody six months five on three months down the line on the still suffering and I'm doing something clearly wrong you know I'm not giving them the best and the support I could possibly give them I saw by listening you know is one of three things in all three things are prevalent within and depression anxiety not a fait regret off again this line based on my experience lost right by that is you know I see this on a daily basis I thought of it I'm sizes bit based fed weapon what if you know why because long do you know where to go out and everybody lost whatever may be I saw by listening to these people and allowing them to get let go of the package I'm not sure judging them it's got to be without judgment absolutely and by allowing them to be how the space is a space you can find out where the language in the town is fed riven all regret that right now is to begin this issue that sells all somebody sauces motion of physically I think that's how I get to the root cause quickly by listening I had a language had its own I listen to the words of using I don't sideways favorite graphic given this within dive straight into it cost on passing this really really useful to know I think obviously for people listening as well nine one the point desperate so just also is on a one to ask a question I'm not sure if it's actually relate to the profession that you're doing now you mentioned that you had death threats broken Joe was is that because of the line of work you do know is is this going back to your previous chartered when you came up in a rough area and a half and half really and trouble follows me I don't know why okay so far I think what it is I I just Constand justice and I'm not one of these and that can walk away from situations where somebody is being done by and I saw one example was I was working in our reach and projects in the red light district in Manchester I was working one young girl for seeing kilo he was sometimes harrowing shoes in a real estate eyes came as no one wants to Dave I need to die now our support people who want to die I've only ever had one who needed to die and so we what would have about three months trying to get the whole parking arise Irish gay buys me about three most lasers at Dave I wanna make a meal I want to go back in childcare so we arranged to meet the next day to Gary begins this should be for mobile phones and it's that so we can just pick up the phone is a lot of orders get out of it I saw we arranged a meeting the next day she panicked and told him what your plans a date I'm robin like Dolly downs in petrol and then all life so I get I get the calls going I've been spotted shingles body has just job remains is mostly when the size of a safe I am and so I went straight in saying the red light districts can for this pain now this guy was a six foot four black you making out he was huge and I will I will I look back it five or six outside one day you know looking a little bit in this and I and you know one of the day one of best advice I can give anyone is don't make decisions when you're stressed I was extremely stressed out point anyway instead right out me and he left me for that he got me a job and is that a lot of services you back to my steak and I will tell you now I want a job very depressed chin off the lot I tried to kill myself it was half onto the vans while back at it I am a ball I had so much guilt and shame because all I kept on thinking about was why if I were to go out one night she pushed open a life but when I was back in the also by days and does not yield I actually asked the priest I am when I was eight years old and how to live a life no regret it all gets on him with these people saying I wish I want to spend more time with that as an hours were spent more time with him Hey all which is about the argument and the presets miss its image to make peace with the decisions they still alive no regrets I made these re dozens immediately but I'm Bob if you were done it with a sound mind but it and even if it wasn't a sound mind occasion extremely stressed on groups high on whatever then you wasn't a place on mind in order to be able to regret if that makes sense because on happened I sell for about three months I was in depression pockets and trying to find the positive captain John's final engagement and it was so difficult but then I realized control controls about time we could not logistically got Hallam I'd like to spend one night it was impossible I was amazed at how quickly the relief comes upon you when you start seeing the pasta sauce in the landing gear and what you could control them we can't control I'm gonna start thinking about and you know what she was going through at the last moment in their life I don to me nobody CAD hi there was only fifty he watched as shown any signs of carrots in their life I'm not gave me a sense of empowerment when I thought you know what I'm doing good you know what and she was dying at least she would have really realize that there's always one person cannot support life on the line to help I'm not coming through you know I don't give myself and feeling the guilt and shame also for giving the painful why did the big gap ball just to disassociate out pay not he wants to make the case as a result of his actions and tried to kill myself or went to depression I and you know nobody should have that power I had given him I'm not so mad good three for moms of run allies and we never single day until it felt natural I am ultimately you know the pain was taken away once I gave some regret fanfic given this in the three if you can get and that along your life will be so content and stress free I can show you Dave that's up to the amazing give you resonated with me there on so many points I mean I've got a numerous amount of things I want to talk about I think first as we say it's very odd mobile in terms of what you did you know you did everything that you could to try to try and help that poor Gail so I'm very very glad that you managed to forgive yourself afterwards I'm just on the forgiveness side in terms of what the pimp did and you said you forgave someone the reason that resonates with me is because I was a soldier left for that as well and it was it was a crossroads in my life and I probably didn't go to the same extent of depression obviously my circumstance was slightly different but one of the things I would say is that when I forgave that pace and and I disassociated that paid more my life became so much better I I was able to find beauty in stuff again I met my wife I I'm things despite changing for me massively and forgiveness I don't know if this is a male thing I don't know if it's just because I'm a stubborn passing growing up and it's just my character it was difficult there was there was ego attached to it doesn't wash off to give somebody else and is what you just said they had power over me and the moment I kind of I actually it roll it out myself and finally to fight you sent on Facebook because I knew the person was and I wrote a message saying I must be forgiving you for me not not yourself because I I'm not even sure if that person remembers it first always to if that yeah if the categories below that I need to do this for me and when I did that according spend it was almost like instant dot I had this relief over me so I I think this view from I'm so glad that you've done that but it just shows I mean you she said trouble follows you initially I was thinking what is Dave up to on his case but I to be what you are trying to do is that you just try and save and I get you I get that feeling of injustice when you fill that especially I think when somebody else who's the more helpless than yourself is in this situation getting taken advantage of I think another thing I just want listens to really take home from it other than the three important things that day stresses control the controllable was yeah and if I may do a quick segue then I want to speak about the stuff that you told me prior to coming on the show which is obviously what we haven't touched on but I think a game is definitely going to add some value to Alice this so if it's alright with you Dave just in terms of some of the health complications because there was a pivotal point when you made a choice and it's not choice I really want to kind of delve into and what this this to kind of take a lesson from the from me yes so other what we're talking about here is the C. functions and other health I am so years ago a spy game breathless and make up the point where I can even by the bike down hill without being out of breath I'm and I went to see the doctor is in the got the same cost my no you haven't yes how many got a boy I never actually got back Klaas about so we lose not strange and we've got that class of dogs and the doctor actually can there are protests do we really know allow us man we did the COPD test which I'm never smoking a lives on it wasn't anything that never would rust vessels and I lock for what he did get a build out awesome and so they said yeah you got something going on we along so well since it along to someone someone someone console and said yeah you got out of time as far as you sent by one costly and now it sucks out the eight percent by one class A. IRA got paralyzed die from well they don't believe the standalone so sexual and mountain religious then and the knowledge that all the tests tomorrow said yeah you've got Iran Iraq from all your own disease Sargon from last night yes it's a box the moms come must match the Harmonia owns these anyway so I was on day six times a day and plus Martina was I was like a zombie it was horrendous I was moments in every day and most ineffective headaches we've got such a you know I can do the basic things like going to flow in the children play jigsaws I think also point why apple only hearing of the moment is no no no when the bodies are asking the simple basic docked things play football or may do this do not I have all the people of Bob let's say no you know and so a long time sampling insight and how the topless Raquel Altamira Hache bottom side effects now through my experiences well you know what I'm I'm quite blocking why I'm very good at taking the emotion now situations now looking at the fox and I thought you know what black and white I would rather be in pain and broke free and be in pain I have a lot of books in the system out and side effects so I said to my wife is a rock coming up on the topless and I came up from overnight I she she was there in the old up room he gonna die you gonna die yeah I said you know what the only person in control of may is may you know I don't mean about why are negative ways for I've got to make the right decision to make my body I when you look at how the body works anyway isn't is a genius to recall we just abuse it you know I know you know there is hope that we can fix so many things and we just feel it right and actually you know do the meditation do the yoga do whatever needs to take as a fuel line so how about ten days of shit hell it was horrible balls in a spot left in the fog closing was coming I could stop walking about federal occurs logging on the floor playing the kids I'm once you get a little bit of hope was amazing no big the light is you know you start seeing the future again stop seeing what's happening a soul as I get a bit more of a better quality of life and they're all just because of the free I was honestly and all about eight weeks ago I am my back is been called me a lot of pain and so I went for an MRI and engine I'm all right and they said the August of a spinal canal stenosis which also means I will to power lines at some point now I've just put me back I watched in those couple days I'm not able to walk properly it's been a nightmare I am I saw once okay so and in the seventh year private canceling because the NHS about eighteen weeks and then he somehow manages and I said look awake in mental health did you know cost I just called to say that is I don't want all through her bedside manner when is his worst of anywhere and you may as well talking to dignitas because at least you got nice holiday Swithland I am and for those who don't know what the process is is the place where people go to end the life legally in Switzerland and why is basically saying is because of my lungs and the way the violin capacity is one on your own everything else he said there was a hundred percent chance of death on the operating table so the choice I was now faced with was desktop Rosi's which you know not many people help us all Giles in the life is usually showing up at economic I'm as I'm with Josh and I have a I and my overall overwhelming and emotional about signing wasn't one of mine and stress it was actually graduate and banks eyelash ISIS shook him by the hand of the Jenny when I thank you from the bottom half of the way you've explained it to me and it looks a bit shocking if you use them well if you were to said there was a sixty percent chance of dying on the table but not may well have been going through my mind constantly which were struck by the time away from my kids my stretches time with my kids I wouldn't think about it my way is it worth the risk where is now you said you got homes and John the dying it's taking not this is not my hands now provoke someone I want to focus on which is a plus the things in my life I can still have a relationship when the boys in a wheelchair account of him that you know so that's all I think again there's always something to be grateful fall it's just we don't want to look for it very sorry to hear you consistent house from was there but I just think it's B. for how you or somebody who's been faced with those adverse to all this trouble and stuff and you still see the gratitude side of it and this was at you while I want to speak about the star of the show but you got to answer the question and I think it lies in the hundred percent that the console came back with so when they said you had a hundred percent they took that decision out of your hands and obviously you were left with one choice but even so then I still think you made an incredible choice that I think the list is content value from is that it's very easy to sit and feel sorry for yourself I think why me I don't deserve this the world's after me I'm always trying to be a good person I'm always trying to do good stuff was a calmer this broad just think is be for that the first thing that came in your mind was okay cry shoot what kind of take from this wall the positives from this and this is kind of all want the show to be about we're going to be hit with life you know from different time people had bought cards out to assess and time some ways to know this but it's about one supposed to that we can just draw from this what moment off hoping you system debut for a year on his bike and hope back in that little girl is always let's get the whole back in our eyes as well as individuals this is a question you know you say why many people it's not a question that you can I sell why not me yeah you know what makes me so special why I should get the address Yala stress all whatever you know the end of the day I truly believe we we only given what we can handle via email and I'm very I'm using this as a way of spreading the message out like you know what no my how things get yeah there's a quote by Jim Rohn one moments also I think he's just a genius I am I am one of those quotes and all I'm paraphrasing a little bit below a side and after every recession this growth of the darkest hour blow is symbolized you can't get the glory can't get the really good stuff yeah without going through the doctor's is it possible that we all are stressed now live we can't do anything about but what we can do is how we react to it what we can change our reacts like and I don't see that is not one single person I can give me and an experience our situation where I will not be able to find a possible landing gear from every single aggressively both very expensive often will have a positive on a landing path absolutely I think that's a brilliant analogy in general is obviously one of my mentors as well as you were saying that was almost thinking very quickly let the adversity that I've been through enough though about how much wiser and how much more resilient how much stronger I I'm as a pace and as a result of it and although we in that particular moment you're you're going to wish this never happened but I'm so grateful that my whole perception myself awareness and everything that I've become over the last three or four years I don't think would have ever got that just by reading books or watching you two videos sold out in a way I'm grateful for I suppose in and maybe that's those are the words not because I've heard you say that but I am I know you always say you know why not me but it's very inspiring to his someone like yourself you not your messages to others who share your story out and hopefully change people's perception and the way that they see the road is on because if you can see from the way you see intent of this is look at the beauty from this let's just take a lesson from it them I think will be a much much better place definitely for the six okay now obviously your life and Dave is obviously a lot different to you say ten fifteen years ago of C. with health complications this stuff is all and I you got two young boys as well what's today's life than for you like a typical day several days I'll wake up in a guarantee that me eight year old eighties and Solomon but all laid on the bed next was involved the wife and the son and of the self control and it is extremely caring loving my twelve year old he's got this box here and and is on the autistic spectrum and got some eleven to go is and is now is say Thailand good lately well day now when nobody is looking and but yeah he's just bombed by use of that the first thing people say I am a which gives me the Spanish right away to get open stop doing and is it you know I would be racism drop into the question you know we're only a fine line between depression not the question and and so seen those in the morning and it gives me a strand stretch the Waco best thing to do is I'll just lie in bed and I'll list off in my mind and that will mean changes after the day and also walk I'm grateful fall before he went off and I am a great fan of visualizing and and just understanding now let me out of control of how our day and happens and then I'll go downstairs of breakfast and usually the Bosnian skill and I always say the fast off hours right now it's just meditate and you know I can meditate with boss people talking to me I can just jump into it now and and then I'm ready for the day a lot of the day and the the first question I always ask guaranteed when I stopped into wet mold is you can help that's the first question I always ask yourself why he can help it's not about money is not about fighting you know a lot of my life has been bouncing around in the background now I mean I'm not now I'll set this business of in the last year or so Abbas available in the form of in the background and you know the signs when why who don't realize this I am at all I then think about well actually doing this all thing I'm going to speak in say a hundred people off thousand people which you know even if it's only five percent of the people want to take on board what site basta lot change now so yeah the border and the solving the bass and I I don't have I don't go through life with a plan now and I'm not I'm not a big plus I just say I just take off to anywhere Jim this is I am a tree everybody's equal and respectful I and thank you know good things are tracking go things to me so what is your intentions and what version you know forget about how you get that they also self out devil of that message I think cam is something all I preach quite a bit as well in terms of intent is all and I just absolutely love your intense for the day are you cannot how and I can see that this genuine it's authentic obviously from hearing your box story in terms of see the work that you've done even now it's it's it's a selfish thing it's not like a promotional thing in terms of Hey look at me it's kind of let you guys let me help you move forward in life is on a really really do like that and I think we are in a society in I'm not here to kind of go off on a rant and stuff but there are people he manipulate people quite on social media in terms of trying to even make a ball I said things always almost like tell themselves and if you really grinds my gears it January does because I think I obviously come from a similar situation to yourself a lot of the the work I've done I've always tried to be selfless because I'm Linda from a mobile homes foster care she's adopted kids she was a nice a whole life why then gave a very lucrative job to become a social worker trying to change the world as a sort of a cat realize you quickly I could do that I have brothers and sisters at you from the foster care system you have got waters and special needs so a lot of my life has always been about savings and even this podcast itself is truly is a passion project my sole purpose when I do this episode is kinda just Spock one paces mine today and I've always done the and from the moment I released it irrespective of mild is always in the way of my accent was will be starring Anna being or the long I was I hopefully I can give someone dot of maybe inspiration that if I can do they can do more employees gay people it yourself on to the show to really change their perspective and make them realize actually we need to come by our excuses we need to face off is because that's where that's for the beauty lies in life and I'm sure they respect them for the bad things are going on in your life I'm sure even a much better place especially between your is that in your mind right not having suffered everything that you saw fit and the reason I asked about the routine is always because I'm a firm believer that we all results of the hobbits not before when a daily basis so it's nice to see you obviously how liberating gratitude you've got your kids stay the ship instant inspiration not sure why that gets you out of bed on in the meditation a game that is something that I really need to work on so the fact that you can just going to meditation at any stage I'm assuming it's because you've been practicing it for a long time yeah yeah stop it absolutely absolutely so think of just one particular instance date just for the the laces of when you paid for investigate it could be something that you already mentioned or it could be something completely different but what I want you to do is actually give us one thing that maybe somebody who has a similar predicament or similar scenario where they can say actually I can relate to that yes whatever experience and we go through and a lot of my experience is a lot of people comes afterwards all my life for the past year or so yeah for me for a long way because I don't really think is exciting and ball I think one of the things that have the biggest impact on me and people will so I relate to this war the been threw themselves on the scene on the news is when I was homeless and is a huge story at the moment being homeless and then I was sixteen on time when I was done on the house and my first night we spend ninety nine to this wall so what does he once he is running with all those years ago and I and my first night was spent in a very small great been shot full of cobwebs side there is but one dollar range run this on the clock and I was thrown out by and the reason why I was blown out is because I am I wanted to be a volunteer I wanted to sell the chalk at club and also went broke I am done once been a gallon he wants to escape self and the club address and I don't want to stay in self in the bay of address and as always was a log heads and we didn't see eye to eye in just three now the house so for two years more showers living above Rubino squats in cemeteries Simon pop and she is but during this time and I was all the dog inside the thought you know what why the plane going bottom down south saying sorry out in a gallon when it's a yes the knocking about shock at about one assault you know and one thing I always advocate is delayed I just yourself no no my you comes out of your life goes out you live as usual a lot a selling point as well as a lot of depression happens a lot mental health issues because you're not living it yourself you live in the store with other people and making out I am and so I was quite adamant that I wanted to get a shock at club morning because we have no internet no phones I got Dave that'll get signposted surveys jocks all counseling while yeah I just went to my plan I saw knocking on doors asking for money for the shock at club I and I one point I was in the same clothes I've been in about three months I was seriously on the white and I was still going on the doors and the receipt about two and a half thousand knows a lot of rejection because why would anybody gave a sixteen year old money is quickly close you know some money for his jock at gold is for drugs clearly now that's what I was thinking and so I met this guy yeah the council and said you know I want it's going to I watch yes games and now I really want to get a shock at global warming I and he helped me with that a business plan to go back to these offices to show them the business plan and see where and get the money I wouldn't twenty five knocks about twenty five yes isn't enough money to get a job at a club morning which is incredible join up out of the nose you know and then there's a great picture that we see on the internet somebody dig in this year's splice so my Dick in was a minute walking away another friend is apart goals I am is I always believe is out the darkest hour his generals and out the darkest hour anything you know what about people just get a bit more he's not this way the excitement is about when is when you want to give all I'm just a you know watch Lamar knocks one more email one more call us when a locked in when you are the lowest because just testing you see what you really want to and all I so I got this job that global warming and the plastic he's always the council and they run into the ground with a mostly closed now I can enjoy the controls I was emotionally spent on this point I was drained it was gone and I was in hospital as well on its own and was known under white magician why you want to call it I am at bottle everything all my energy into getting the shock a clock now what I learned from not a is you know see three to the very end now if you've got someone of your passion about see three other very and and if you don't as much as you can and you can no more just make peace it is not gonna really made in semi better you know I mean Paul I recognized by gone as far as the court I can't control the people's behavior you know and that behavior was I want money from their offices to regenerate itself but to put money into the council offices not to sell jog or clubs no I did exactly what I need to do I just I made I am my dream trade I am but what Bob was allowed me now is is give me an experience I can fall back on so every time I'm doing a project I make choices available when I pass all over I do my due diligence to make sure all bought you know about products developed developer Larry and get a scapegoat develops at some point may soon now I'm just making sure everything is in place so when I walk away it's gonna be that in five years time you know but without like Spain's we're doing the same mistake again and again and again and again you know Paul I didn't have and two years was a I was on the street on the sale of the book of data squawks other than almost hospitals you know I'm a mess Billy a silent people you know I'm I like the net almost as Lois offered I'm not block mage was the next number by the federal daily I and I was looking down on them and think you know your skull I'm my first thought was you know what this is my classmates call calmly these are my people I'm in this position so that ball is only fat I get to know them I respect I understand how the docks where they are as I used to ask questions to them and say you know I've just said that listens to them and some of the address alike the difference being as I could cope doctors say how could solve the problem analyze it naturally leave me through it which is why they got was not situation of armed robbery and anyway long story Shaw I've got a job and may never in a telemarketer place and I hated it with a passion also two days that made one single sale because I didn't make I am a single phone call I hated it I and I got socks and I went back in and there's a lot going on Monday when the wages on as a way not game thank you note delays and stock prices big argument honest I'm gonna see this place called a small man and when say it's for the money which is locked out a few weeks later I got knocked on the door and it was solved is the ID on I was arrested crossing the plate I slash identically smoke so I was placing seven and a half years in prison and I don't have a clue how or why this is happened by the demo tape the doctor I'll let you know I know I live by and miss all the pretty much depend on me foremost lasers answering bail and the Saudi offices that don't even play you can go as a volunteer but more than not and several somebody's actually own up to it so much contrast it turned out the the drug dealer there was a living wage I had not been arrested and Josh with it down into the police station on is what's where I can access only substrate going down they did date I think you're fast seven years now the reason why I say that story is because you've got some accounts so he with that to safeguard the children's future on that strangely round one interested yeah you get the proceeds come on the air the armed robbers look dealer because I treated them respects because I listen to them because I don't to start well they had a story when they need it save the actual the looked a lot when in and confessed and got some yes free on my behalf you know so lost just shows and from that point on I talk a lot in the connection speak in a subtle about pre judging in business just treat everybody respects organised on the everybody's got a story your son is being that it's just yet the golf story the gonna solve issue that we not been able to watch the results themselves problem some slack give them respect say I'm here for you if you want to talk about it if not just walk away by Alicia tried don't reactionary supports about negative it's a treat everybody with respect equally and it will come back to have holes in the future a currency that's yes this is a Dave I understand entirely now what people are saying that life is so boring compared to yours because it's such an incredible story I just them I get a bit emotional when I just see let people do really good things for people like do this office act so that act there from the seat scum of the earth is just absolutely it's it's a beautiful lesson it's a lesson for us all to obviously take on board and again you've you said the right words that we need to call people slack when somebody maybe approaches in the wrong way or that might be having a bad day but if you could just or treat each other with kindness and respect I think the will just be in such a bad place but there's another brit lesson to gain that you touched on it I want people to take home is persistence two thousand five hundred knows now there's a lot of us including myself don't even wanna get rejected once and I think we have to get used to you know where is my perceptions change or not not for example I am in property so the amount of rejection from stages is incredible and I will say not every time again no it's okay but now one step closer to that yes again it's just it's just a note saying I say to myself and not kind of destroys me on to go forward so I think not gain is an incredible less and and on that note we aren't you going to go into a part of the show which is a very random policial I'm not sure you'll even aware of this but what I do that is just for about sixty to ninety seconds just a bit of lighthearted fun just to kind of give the listeners I love it more about you just a bit more of a flavor because obviously sometimes the stories can be quite dog so this is just gonna be a bit of lighthearted fun so are you ready I'm ready okay fantastic so we're gonna stop in three two one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be hate crime Muncie on Monday night many night good choice your favorite hobby read it your biggest role model my sons what would you like to be remembered for the cat your biggest goal this year S. speaking in New York your worst mistake not me the wife early enough if you could relive one day again which they would it be well I didn't die the ability to fly or be invisible invisible the number one thing that annoys you not by males money or fame now that you're proudest moment John cat global movement your favorite food that isn't ships what song best describes your life Elvis Presley walk a mile in my shoes if you had an extra hour day how would you spend it on the bodies Netflix the jeep Eugene your number one piece of advice to your children yes self our favorite motivational speaker calyces I'm finally if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour he would it be but one that mom side love that make so how did you find out hot hot again the beautiful thing with this is obviously people can take as long as I want really to answer the questions and all the sudden caught the dead space so it makes you actually look like a must the mind intense anger I answered straight away okay we're almost at the end is shown I Dave so I'm a fan believe the hindsight is a wonderful thing and upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to where we are quick cash easy at Willis heartache but I'm sure you'll agree that obviously the Janie teach to so much as well so knowing exactly what you know now if you could take yourself back to younger Dave and whispers something in that person's yeah what would you say I would go but it's the first night being homeless find out west in the they all went south they all went sour is yeah everything's very reason evidence rallies on alphaworks out just a sense of hope yeah it's just people get you know I don't know people get bogged down in how how how to get to a place house the this you know if we just relaxed and just trusted Argo and did what we felt was right mmhm then it will never send you in a long path yeah hi my name is and your address pop and you know not very nice pa every single one when I look back and I do mean all of me speaking now I want to die was a look back every single aspect of my life and it's been like therapy I and I look back a sliding doors moment some water you know what I'm I'm not change anything I think you stories incredible not enough I think we've all got a story to be honest yeah we can order back in the console cut the moments is sometimes it is just about actually acknowledging it and not does suddenly bring us on a key to the last question and the last question I always ask one of my guess is about legacy so if in a hundred fifty years time science house to save us and all that exists is a book and this book is about you Dave and it's not all the way in a wonderful incredible things that you've done in life you know the life that you've touched firstly what with the title of the book B. and secondly what with the summer at the back tell us about your side of the ball I don't know and hopeless almost zero I love that yeah Linda and the Blair probably say something light it had an impact some more lives than actually name and it was okay without involved yeah yeah I think that's brilliant I'm Dave just before we close the show will give the list as a chance love to connect with you via social media channels is there anything that you wish I had asked you today no no it this court is court yes towards pretty much everything okay fantastic well if there is obviously anything people come to connect with you I would definitely order my list is to connect with Dave after the show Dave where is the best place people can reach out and send you a DM life playground Islington and which is Dave happens speaker you can get me on Facebook as well David half men and bought my Facebook page is not talked about moment except Paul manages an online okay fantastic I what we'll do is always to get day anti links and open the show or not so just to make it easier for everyone they let you have to click it I want to thank Dave for sherry he story seventies vulnerabilities and shown his wisdom fun today show and also wanna thank everyone at home thanks for listening thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
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How to be liked more by listening better #33 by Aren Deu
Tagline: "If you want to be considered interesting, become interested!"
So listening is a skill that many of us probably believe we already have. I mean after all, for the fortunate number of us who have our hearing we have used our ears all of our life. From hearing people talk to us, to dancing around to our favourite songs our ears have brought us a lot of joy. In fact, music alone is something that instantly can change my mood, and as I write this summary I have thought of point number 6.
Now points 1-5 are in the actual episode, but number 6 which has randomly cropped up between my ears is this: Think about how you listen to your favourite songs. Think about how much attention you give to the lyrics, words and cadence of the song. It's usually not too long before you actually know the words off by heart and end up doing your own covers, right? Now imagine if you could give that much attention when listening to other people. Do you truly do that? Or do you switch of mid conversation? Do you try to interrupt them half-way through? I mean, I've yet to listen to a song and interject my artists by saying "i just don't agree with that line".
Now in case this sounds like an extremely random example, I assure you it will make more sense when you listen to the very short episode giving 5 tips on how to become a better listener. To truly become a great listener, we have to see it as a skill that takes effort and practice. It is very similar to speaking. Yes we can speak and shout and sing, but how good are we truly?
Key talking points in this episode:
- Things not to do when someone is talking
- How you should react when someone is talking
- Why you should do the above, to build better more meaningful relationships
- When to solve problems and when to just be a soundboard for the person.
I sincerely hope this episode provides you genuine value. It is a simple skill, we so often overlook. We are a result of our habits, and if some of you out there find it difficult for people to engage with you, trust you, or even talk more openly to you. Then you may need to assess how you listen. Take a real long look at yourself. Self assessment is key to growth and on this journey we all want to become better and reach our potential. We all want to find our voice and write our own story, but we all want to be heard too. So let's work on our listening and level up.
P.s. Remember this episode applies to all walks of life. So try it at work, with your friends, family or even in public when a stranger crosses your path.
Thanks for listening
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"Never alone" by Kathy Courtney #32
Tagline: "We all more powerful and stronger than we believe and capable of healing from so much more than we think"
Sexual abuse, failed businesses, seeing ghosts and so much more has been a part of this amazing women's life. Yet above all these words all I found and saw was true strength. I see a lady who has overcome so much, but shows us all that we are so much, that we are all so strong and capable.
We often get into comparisons in life about who struggles the most, but when you hear someone who has been a victim of childhood sexual abuse, only to then still not have an easy ride throughout life but remain radiant, positive and wish a mission to serve others, you can only sit back and smile in admiration.
I am so grateful for Kathy sharing her story, showing her vulnerabilities, showcasing her courage and also letting us into her world. Intuitive energy healing is now something she helps so many other people with, as it was the key driver behind helping her overcome her childhood memories. A lady who is on the journey to finding her voice and gaining confidence in spreading her message and one I feel will definitely leave her mark in such a great way.
Some key discussion points:
- Sexual abuse is not your fault
- Understanding supernatural gifts
- Overcoming business failure
- Realising your true purpose and passion
- Understanding how strong we truly are
Thanks for listening
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https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
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Pippa transcript:
welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode a fine your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today Kathy and Kathy story is one that told me so much in such a short space of time in fact I wish I met her a yeah because what Kathy told me and I'm sure as you listen to this episode it's going to teach you to is that we have so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for I mean how many times have you been to something I think it is going to break you to find that said she made you or if it has a major in that circumstance is definitely made you more resilient more stronger so it's kind of what I want you guys to walk away after this episode is to try and maybe step outside your comfort zone and embrace that fear and take on that little bit of pain maybe for some future gain because I promise you when you head Kathy you see that she's such a more beautiful place right now I have suffered all this incredible amount of adversity from the sexual abuse to losing business is so much more you're going to realize that the human will it's strong it's so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for so I am delighted to have hi there on the show I am extremely grateful that she opened up with have under bill ease and she opened up with this story which is something that I think of the city's more exposure in the road it's something that I wish one day be quit completely see the end of but sadly if we don't what I do want people to do is know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel so without further ado people thank you once again for treating it and I hope you enjoy this episode let's get over to it I want to welcome to the show Cathy thank you for taking time out of your day to come on and share your story how you doing today I'm doing amazing thank you for having exciting I'm happy to be here bless you thank ya I'm extremely happy to have you on the show as well so I was always just a leading to a yeah there's so many elements of your story that that I could relate to but there were also some stuff in terms of the emotional trauma that you experience as a child there's a lot of grief there there's a lot of stuff that we just spoke about very briefly prior to star in this episode that you realized five my life wasn't as normal as you have so it wasn't yeah so I think it be a great place if record if you could stop by maybe give the listeners a little bit more about yourself if you could kind of open up and tell us as much as you feel comfortable with your story okay yeah perfect and so I am the oldest of four children and that those parents were in the home and my dad worked to my mom was a stay at home mom and an eight a one to start with my dad because I see the ad and learned a lot from him my dad %HESITATION contracted polio when he was a very young baby so he was handicap his entire lice on it so I really felt that my first lessons in %HESITATION being compassionate and really being resilient and strong came from hen and watch seen how he dealt with %HESITATION adversity and his life because %HESITATION you know having a parent that wasn't able to walk slowly and eventually in a wheelchair and you know he made sure that we did all the normal things that kids do you you know took us to the beach sand tickets to you you know I'm use net parks and now being a parent myself and those things are hard just for you know up at appearance but but it but now realizing %HESITATION with the disability that he had you know why %HESITATION those things are so difficult and he never complains on he never held back from anything so really I think those were the first lessons that I learned where from him %HESITATION and then there there are two parts to my childhood that really led me ops you kind of the work that I do now which is the reiki healing and also %HESITATION I am a medium so I do you know mediumship readings and I my first memories %HESITATION being a child's where that as being sexually molested at a very early age by my paternal grandfather %HESITATION and dotted use lasted for an extended period of time %HESITATION between six and seven years and %HESITATION also during that time I was starting to experience %HESITATION what what most people would when baby label as supernatural sort of experiences and and by that I mean I would see shadows which now I understand and spirits %HESITATION I would see shadows as animals and people and and the way my mom kinda described it sees that there was always something trying to get my attention so I would be let's have a deep cleaning my room and you know little things that happened things would come off the wall where I would feel a presence in my room and and then there were lots of things that I knew that there was no way of me possibly knowing friend stands I would say %HESITATION the phone was ringing and so once I was calling and my mom would say well the phone's not even ringing and then a minute or two later the phone would ring with the exact same person that that I would say would call and I also had %HESITATION an out of body experience when I was about six I think I was six or seven years old and I might grandparents lives sort of in a in a open kind of country field and they had thrown some sort of poison out for that for the rodents I think and %HESITATION being a little kid just kind of curious %HESITATION I happen to eat the apple is and so fast you know started bleeding internally and you know rest the hospital all that kind of thing and I clearly remember leaving my body and you know I could see the nurses and doctors and all this work being done on my body and so those were memories that I had that I never I didn't understand what was happening at the time and I think a lot of it I did explain to my mom and you know she has seen what kind it is say well let's pray about it or if you would say let's got insert search %HESITATION something like that and then those experiences to students start happening and so she had to move a couple of times because you know she thought well maybe the house was Hines said order and and those those type of things on and so you know that happened throughout my my tile tied on and then when I was about twelve or thirteen my grandmother passed away and %HESITATION I remember she came out of sort of a bathroom stall and you know there there's a mere right in front of me and she appears to me in that mere %HESITATION so those are all things that where we're really %HESITATION you know I wasn't scared of those things you know you're not scared until someone tells you that you need to be scared and exits are wasted it was just a normal thing for me and I thought well does this happen everywhere I just really had no idea yeah at that time %HESITATION and so you know so being you know sexually molested interviews at the time and and that's going on you know it was definitely not what you would say your normal tight why yeah I think I'm gonna have to agree with you that because we were speaking I was trying to say obviously the premise of this show is to let people know that not always alone in in their adversity that they're suffering be you've definitely touched on some stuff that it's almost like a combination of extremes are suppose I've got so many questions I mean is if I may so firstly I just wanna say your dad sounds absolutely incredible and I think he's amazing the fact that I think especially that generation as well with the just the just get on with stuff and and I really love that and I think you almost had like a fish row seat at seeing how to deal with adversity and how to displace life's challenges which probably makes you so strong and empower you know when I can hear yourself now you're in such a great place where is it so easy to probably be in a completely different place haven't been through what you've been through so %HESITATION I think props to yourself and obviously to your father for that then obviously we move on to the more I suppose sensitive subject my way you were sexually molested and yes I'd be doing a disservice as opposed to the lessons and also to myself and if a game please if if this is making you feel comfortable you haven't you don't have to run so but I just want to ask how that affected you when did it stop affecting you in your life or is it still something that you deal with today and it's definitely not something that I deal with today and it's something that it took me a long time to work through and that eight but I have found a place of peace with its %HESITATION you know tearing does a year is I I I guess because of the other situations that were going on in my life I became very good at disassociating myself with the abuse and my emotion around it on and it wasn't until later so I was you know %HESITATION eleven or twelve years old when you know most kids are going through those changes where you know you're you're not a child that you're awesome not a teenager and and so you know I definitely went through a lot of it and just completely hating myself you know south heat and the prior question and stealing %HESITATION so isolated in those feelings and I'm just a lot of different emotions you know but mostly it was the south heat I completely hated myself now I didn't like the way I looked and I didn't like the way I felt and I didn't like my late tonight I didn't like anything about me and so that you know that I can say that that's how it affected me and then and around I think it was around eleven when I was really going to the changes %HESITATION might I started experiencing like a real physical keen in my body it was intense pain I'm I literally like I would say I stopped walking because my body was in so much pain and my mom you know my mom took me to the doctors they couldn't find anything really medically wrong with my body I'm and now looking back I knew and because of the work I do now I know I know that it is that it was that energy of that trauma that was stuck in my body and the energy of not being heard and not being able to speak up for myself that I was experiencing a real physical pain %HESITATION and it ended up that the doc they thought maybe it was index and they thought it was something you know with you know my female I guess organs and I I had a surgery had surgery because they did not know what to do with me they didn't know what is wrong with me on and so now looking back I think that's totally crazy that you know it went that far but at the time and I don't think that I was able to verbalize you know what happens to the extent that it happens %HESITATION I felt that a lot of that was covered at my extended family and I eat I literally didn't know what to do and now I know like I said I just think it was the pain of that trauma that my body was experiencing why am and just on the as you were saying that there was %HESITATION there was a quote that I listen to your car remember exactly where it came from but it says to heal the wound you must feel of wind and really resonated with me so not in the respect that I've been through what you've been to but I had been physically a so it to the point that I was almost left for dead a long time ago it's a story for another day and somewhat of a vote to shed but for me to be able to really have overcome that and went through the process of forgiveness and really trying to go back into that moment running kind of just plastering over and pretend it never happened it was only then my lifestyle to really change so would you say that was highly of the seat I know you're into you you do healing therapy now is off is that how you find your way of really moving on I suppose from the trauma you experienced and then releasing yourself and I no longer hopefully experiencing physical pain yeah eight it was a combination of things on I think after that experience with the surgery and jazz really you know I've always been very into it as %HESITATION and I've always been very in tune with my cells %HESITATION even though sometimes I didn't have the words to express what I was feeling I didn't feel like I have the support on I knew that that my life wasn't always going to be that way you know I knew that even as a young child and %HESITATION you know I would turn on it with read and so it seems like I've always been into like self help and self healing even at a very young age %HESITATION that there were lots of little incidents after that you know I I found myself in that piece of near it first marriage in which I quickly got out of that %HESITATION and then I went on to start a business with my current husband his amazing and supportive and I love him and %HESITATION things are going well with that and then a recession hit %HESITATION unfortunately and so we we pretty much lost it all and see now all the money and all the hard work that we had to put in sweats and so I also had it needs a new baby at the time and then you know go in trying to trying to rebuild from that %HESITATION and then I find out that my dad on has a terminal illness called pulmonary fibrosis and he was given six months to live so you know it's like a one thing happens and then you know now I am I'm caring for my newborn and and then I find out I'm going to have another child and then navigating through caring for my children and for my dad you know and and walking him through the process of his journey into his transition because you know he he only has six months to live at that point %HESITATION and so you know that was a beautiful gift but it was it was a difficult guest as well just just seen him go through that and then %HESITATION you know but I I did make a promise to him because we had we had all this ad tying Ted to talk about all the really important things and on my child's head in his childhood and and just a really understanding of each other and %HESITATION you know he made me promise that after his his transition I would get censored if there be I would seek out help I would seek out since ready healing and because not only was I going to have to heal from my childhood just that the fact hearing from from losing him because he he does quite literally my best friends so I went on to you know I I I need a promise to him and I was gonna sell sell that promise so I did seek out a couple of therapists and it was you know talk therapy and I I really didn't feel %HESITATION that I was making much progress and so someone mentioned %HESITATION EMDR so %HESITATION I don't know the specifics of how it %HESITATION that I did a couple of sessions with that and it was amazing %HESITATION and then one of my best friends who she's been on this journey with me sensor might style tent I'm she sat and at the time I was really into meditation I got into meditation and started really %HESITATION implementing a spiritual practice of my own and so she said Hey I heard about this healing circle it's a meditation circle I think you would really really really enjoy it and so I decided to go and that was my first experience with energy healing I had an energy healing session there and it was such a release I he asked out so much come out of my body I had this experience where I sell to my dad and in the presence of that room %HESITATION I saw him I heard him I was able to talk to him it was the most amazing experience and I left there and thinking what was that you know what is that I have to learn more about this and and so that's how I found my my first my first mentor and with that Brady Ricky healing this incredible yeah I was it was amazing just on that then so you know how you're having these experiences and I know you went on when you had the poisoning you run the in your life and obviously with your dad is that something that you're in control of or is it something that you can maybe manifesto is it just completely random when it happens I mean now it doesn't happen as often %HESITATION but it's something I can control within myself you know I'm not walking around is leaving my body that's good to know no and I'm just on everything else that you see you said that was going to say how inspiring it is because I always find when somebody goes through so much trauma so much adversity but they only see the gift from it and have a completely different perspective like yourself we said you so blessed to have all these gifts yet you've gone through so much stuff almost that you have to sit back and think how does one person cope with so much adversity so you extremely inspiring with that and I wanna ask what's your secret for continually rising each time you're not down with something and I think so I don't know that I had a cigarette I do have a spiritual practice that I uphold too and I am constantly working on mice cells %HESITATION that they think it's just really reflecting on and my dad you know I mean we I do this in in in his honor really I do this for my children I do this for other people at cyber Cup myself so that I can work on others because I want people to know that no matter what you go to in right now %HESITATION there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and and you're gonna make it through that's hard absolutely and I'm I'm extremely glad that you kept your promise to dining you you did seek the help because you're now in a position of the way you can help so many more people which is which is fantastic so good on you and then the MDR defeat sounds interesting to gain I think we spoke about this offline and this is our really kind of for a selfish reason just got fascinated by your story because I've always been interested in the whole heating in the spirituality side I think the only difference to me and you is it Faisal my grandma are in the mirror out will things fun of the war I would absolutely crap myself I would be running out of the house in anything so %HESITATION again you touched on a very good point though because I was gonna ask you the question is you only become scared of things in life when people tell you that you may be sure to society says that and then also if I was a kid I mean thinking about now I lived in my aunties has pretty much all the time I was always around with my cousins and I'm sure there was some men where things happening in the house but it felt home to me where is not %HESITATION I'm a grown man on the left they ease and if I have to go and stay there by myself on the not a problem he turned it down %HESITATION from inside some round so hopefully she's not listening to get offended but isn't it isn't it funny how the how the world works but I just think it is a beautiful gift I have been told in the game correct me if I'm wrong that be your have this ability to soft top into this kind of is it that audio this intrusion not with another high level %HESITATION yes I believe we all have we I have that ability to tune in to to spirit to the divine %HESITATION to our guides week we all have that ability I think sometimes you know we do go through different different things in life where we're not taught that we are able to do that I think that might be a disservice to lots of children you know because children don't question things they they're not afraid of things you know it it was very natural and normal for me and to have those connections %HESITATION and sometimes you know the way you know different people have you know sort of religious beliefs or that that conditioning of the way they've been raised %HESITATION wherever they are in the world and so sometimes you know that'll start kind of diminishing does start a connections because then we think what is Israel is this wrong %HESITATION should I be afraid you know but I think you know even with my own children %HESITATION my son is extremely empathic %HESITATION my daughter she also is very connected as a matter of fact %HESITATION after my father transition and ours was about three or four she started connecting with him she would see him and speak to him and %HESITATION she would tell me what he would say and then all those those memories and my childhood I'm I'm having this connection started coming back because I thought this is exactly what I thought when I was her needs %HESITATION yes so yeah all children we all do now we I have we all have the ability to connect with our loved ones %HESITATION have transitions and yeah I definitely believe that I think you hit the nail on the head that children are predicting that the fact that they remain curious and the Phyllis so I kind of wish Buell kept up a summer long life through Janie whether it's his old teachers or family we kind of really you stop and we start to be become afraid of things that maybe we shouldn't necessarily be afraid of them stop becoming curious because you're kind of pigeon holed ourselves into little pocket so surprised and it's a shame but I'm just I'm not then I just wanna ask something I'm playing devil's advocate here some people will probably think that the stuff that you and I believe in is a little bit ferry Talysh or something that doesn't exist for example so if we accept that there are people with their own beliefs which is absolutely fine but they've experienced the symbol of control missed yourself on the sexual abuse for example what would you recommend for somebody dealing with that pain at all they're all tentative is other than the whole spiritual healing is there anything that you could recommend perhaps again that the might not be in on some just asking as you can now looking back you know and there there's so many different healing modalities and there's so many different ways to go about healing you know energy healing as is only one of those things see now and %HESITATION I would say just find something that resonates with you whether that rare some people will feel very connected to to going to church and to praying %HESITATION meditation meditation was a huge %HESITATION practice for me that helped me on EMDR is is is something that you can go to a therapist for %HESITATION you know had no therapy there's so many different avenues %HESITATION and with the energy healing our rate your whatever it is that you choose to do %HESITATION that can really be a compliment to to lots of other things that you know it doesn't have to be one right of one modality you can pick and choose and and kind of find something that works for you but you know if I can say one thing on that %HESITATION I would say you know to stress the importance of of whatever type of healing that you signs whatever resonates with you that how important that is because and you know just I'm working on my cells and working on others %HESITATION I calm now now looking back I have learned that I come from a long line sort of abuse on both sides of the family and sexual abuse and and physical abuse and incest at an ancestral line but you know when you decide to step forward and and you'll those those things in in your %HESITATION in your life you're not only healing yourselves but you're healing your ancestral line and you're also healing for your children you know so that they don't have to carry that forward in their DNA and they don't have to go through the same things he went through so that's to me that's amazing and every time I see that and someone and I'm just so happy and excited for them because it it'll stop with you you know once you seek out that healing and that's an amazing thing to think I yeah absolutely because because it becomes a purpose be getting yourself which then obscene spies you right absolutely okay so touching on the final thing that I want to ask you which was about your business that you and your husband hadn't invested so much time and energy into which I sadly file during the recession what's the situation now what are you doing right this moment I will now looking back you know at the time you don't you don't kind of makes sense of things are happening %HESITATION but now looking back I don't think it was my journey it wasn't my past and so it didn't work out and I would have been tied to something that I did not live at the time I thought that this was money this is my passion I I was a hairdresser and so I did here and make up and %HESITATION %HESITATION I did a lot of weddings and so I opened up a bridal shop because that's a lot to weddings I'd love to be around happy time in people's lives and %HESITATION but now looking back on that was never really might have you know that was never really my journey %HESITATION in so how to have the business I wouldn't be doing what what I'm doing now I would have been able to spend that lasts six months with my dad definitely not because you know business of course as you know takes up so much time and energy and money and worry and stress so after after you know pretty much losing at all I mean we had it well that was that was a difficult time but on so my husband continue to work what you know he never he never quit his job %HESITATION and so I went on to just be leave work on healing my cells and I like I said I took training and what I do now which is freaky healing and and shortly after you know I really went into it because I was the one that needed the healing I never thought that I was going to use this to help other people right I definitely didn't think this was going to be what you call a business or anything of that sort %HESITATION diet I started really experiencing all those things I had experiencing experienced as a child so a lot of the mediums abilities came back and I noticed that every time I was you know practicing or working on someone %HESITATION I was connecting to someone on the other side %HESITATION and so that that led me and so what I do now mailing this incredible and I just want to pick up on a point that you said that you never went into it for yourself initially and you can never realized on the CD the wider impact I suppose you could have done and the funny thing is is a little bit about myself so ins I II has literally been my shadow for the majority of my life and when I started this podcast find your voice and when I first I do need about public speaking in just just trying to get out there and I joined Toastmasters and stuff a lot of it was just solely for myself it was to grow and right it was the kind of overcome the fears and I was going through this growth mindset thing thinking I'm not going to accept that in this very short amount of time I'm just going to be much like it for the rest of my life so I kind of threw myself out there and face my face but on the back end of that I realize the inspiration that is given to the people's all all will get her very run a message once in awhile from somebody saying every time you post even though you might for me for like a very mundane post because I pretty much do the same stuff every day it's saying you inspire me every day how you always just the high side your compass own and then I realize even in this podcast the power that we have in terms of one sharing I've learned abilities but then to try to overcome so that not really resonated with me because now I almost feel like the podcast especially is it's become a passion I'm just developed such an interest in a one of kind of mass three I want to become the best in the work I really want to spread messages like yourself and all them other fantastic guest out there in the votes of you'll don't shy away from our affairs and we just did she lived that charge %HESITATION being how children are like we spoke about earlier and just buffet listing curious about life yes I love that that's amazing I think you're amazing thank you blabla see that's your amazing and I just wanna ask actually just fun now knowing where you are you've come to find I believe your passion I yeah what's your daily routine like that so I pretty much do the same thing every day I get up pretty early I start my day by meditating so that something I don't ever deviate from I meditate %HESITATION and then I will journal a journal every morning and S. I'm reading a book which I tend to always read I'll read a couple of pizzas and then %HESITATION now this is a kind of kind of changes sometimes I go from going to the gym and sometimes and right now my habit is just I really like being outdoors so I start my day by either a walk or jog which really turns into kind of a shop full and I been listening to podcasts every single morning on my box so I need to do that and then I'll come back and work out and then I'm ready for my day %HESITATION but that's every single morning every single morning I did not this brilliant and within that you can see straight away there's a lot of self care and a lot of self love that goes into that so you kind of want any G. enormous revitalizing yourself before you kind of talk with the day which is right which is fantastic yeah and %HESITATION have you got any other hobbies other than what you do outside have you wreck and so I mean I love to read I have to spend time with family and friends I home school my children so that it pretty much takes up a lot and then you know of course in my clients and %HESITATION I don't know that their hobbies but there are things that I enjoyed doing and just being with my children really right now and and spending time with my husband excellent and I just wanna ask another question if I may Sir I have so many questions because a fascinating how you trying to spread your message in your because I believe you have a incredible story I believe you you can always help people in so many ways have you got like a you tube channel is not something in the part time or are you thinking about increasing Instagram I am thinking about open yeah so my Instagram spin %HESITATION I ate so this is kind of been a journey for me and it's it's it's been private for a very long time because %HESITATION met so where where I live and I think in general and there's been a lot of sort of back last when I started to take open up into more mediumship readings and %HESITATION to really do that some people are very strongly against not on so that was a little concerned when the fact that I do have children I didn't want that to affect them in any way %HESITATION but we've had we've had lots of moments are we talked about this and you know there's always going to be somebody that doesn't believe in what you do and doesn't like you so mostly right now all my workers just been word of mouth on there's a local magazine I've been fortunate enough here to write for eight and a couple interviews for that magazine %HESITATION and and I have my website and so that's basically but really it's just being out %HESITATION in my area a lot of clients sending more clients and say that it's been amazing but yeah thank goodness yeah I am going to start working on some more things %HESITATION I tend to procrastinate a little bit in that area out which I am I am working on that my husband gets a little irritated with me but yes I am opening up more and more slowly absolutely I gain is this approach this isn't it I mean our member initially so I come from a very academic background again I was always a shy kid yeah I would be doing the most random stuff in terms of our discredit you tube channel or I would just stop doing videos and it was almost read because people would say are you really that sorry but what they didn't see was that it would take me five hours to release a two minute you to video because on a on a three hundred the tents for and then the beautiful thing the allied with the channel was not I could manipulate it so much and cried with the is an all as an almost made myself if it and then somewhere along magenta realize actually that's not really the perception I want to be given a in fact let's just where my floors and we must because that you say guys this is kinda how I am I'm still working on it so I think definitely get you some case off I don't think instagrams a burning platform and I've spoken to a couple of them ladies you about you coming apart castle just offline actually and they have Instagram TV where they'll just do like minute videos or a couple of minutes video the day or maybe a week again oversee depends in you punch Cup but it really does give great value and slowly you can start to see the people who are engaged with the menu almost crate a community because as with myself I could say one messages somebody next %HESITATION could say the same message but the audience might resonate with them more than me or vice versa that makes sense I think yeah that makes perfect sense yeah and I think you're definitely get your orders and I just as you said something earlier I just want it was it was a call from Eric Thomas is a motivational speaker he says there's a group of people that need you more than you need to listen to the negative comments I love that I loved as a because in your back your mind you're worried about what these negative comments going to say but we really have to get people like yourself out there because like he says is a group of people that you need you I need this message so a ride takes on one of the truly I mean a tree down on a quite a hobby and I have a certain number of calls today and always just look at and it just kind of keeps me focused on my journey because if I listen to naysayers of people saying why are you doing this or don't you find it where that you'll try to put yourself on the Indians and almost kind of change and feel like it's my G. to kind of shape people's stories like I get to sit with you not for now and I learned so much from your adversity from you we stem from the way that you say I think that is an injustice if I don't share that with the road thank you for sharing that with me I love that yes yeah and that's something I've I've been I've been trying to work for a while now and again I think it kind of goes back to raise a child and you know I I I I receive a lot of negative comments and even now as an adult now %HESITATION I have tried to reach out to different areas %HESITATION and people have not been so nice that there which I totally understand and I'm fine with it but %HESITATION I I'm definitely working on that right you know we're out kind of a work in progress exactly exactly nobody has it figured out rule kind of just figuring it out as we go along yes it is about just finding your network because well I realize was again just on a quick tangent when I started my you tube channel my initial frustration was because my friends and family wasn't supporting it and then what I'm what I'm very quickly realize was that was not my audience that I needed to say yes that is such an amazing point yeah it is the only kit like eighteen months down the line so I know this resentment and all this kind of frustration and the prime into really realized hold and iron that's not who you need to be said doing so then I changed my focus and even I with this podcast my news feeds and the people in truck with a completely different to myself say twelve months ago because I need to be in a community where there are people who need healing there are people who just need the inspirational motivational somebody's contract vested not card trying to connect the dots if that makes sense and just make their life a little bit easier so yeah it's interesting I'm looking forward to your journey and hopefully you see a lot more fun to untested the next question as you probably know is going to be about investing on %HESITATION we've kind of touched on that very briefly at the beginning so by all means choose any type of investor that you've been through a lot that can be business for lady can be passed on or whatever okay but the main thing I want to know from this is just the lessons that you learned from it and what you can then take from that situation and move forward with a loud and I I think you know I've learned a lot through through the things I've gone through and I I think the main thing is that humans in general are so much stronger than I think we're even led to believe that we can take our stories on the trauma and the good points and all those things and just really use that to help other people and to let them know that they won't get through it as well %HESITATION but really I think it's just wow people are so strong and we don't even realize that what we're going through three those situations but how amazing we are your amazing and I think when people listen to this story people are gonna realize why we're even stronger so it's one thing thinking was strong and let me go straight face TV almost come out the other side and it's like that saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but when you have somebody else and this is why I love stories like yourself he's been through so much more and more and then so come out the other side and just has this radiant energy of just love and no resentment or any sort of a %HESITATION feeling it is very funny just shows your wives even more street that we can tap into thank yell and in this moment then why not what's your biggest fear %HESITATION something happening to my children and something happening to them and so I I do tend to be a little over protective with my children which I'm also working on that is that the home schooling as well no not so much no not so much the home schooling it's just I'm you know I'm very aware and people that are around my children at all times and %HESITATION yeah I am I am I am worried about something happening to my children I don't want them to have to go through the same thing that I that I experienced on so I would say that would be my biggest fear and that's very understandable thank you and next before we go into the from pie the show where I'm gonna put you through your paces I just want to ask for help %HESITATION in this moment is you'll inspiration you why for what you do what you do my children my children especially I wanted to see my my daughter because I want them to know that they can constantly reinvent themselves they they don't have to know all the answers you know by the time they're eighteen or nineteen at %HESITATION you know I want them to see that now I think all these different things I've done all these different things and I am still working on it so just do what makes you happy %HESITATION you know speak your truth I want them to know that so that's why I'm constantly and I am working on that because I want my daughter to you and my son of course but to speak your truth %HESITATION said they they are my why they are my inspiration for sure love this it should be for message and I think in a society where we're almost hypnotized with this poll of trying to fit in in trying to walk a set way trying to vice saying things and I'm just conform to I suppose what to site once she's very difficult to be ourselves right it would be beautiful to see more people really just trying to really embrace who who they are Hey at each stage of your life you know you don't you don't have to have all the answers yeah absolutely I'm still trying to figure one answer right that's correct but yeah we'll get that and so we are actually not what the form part of the show and this is kind of the show the pa the show sorry where I would just ask you the most random questions for sixty to ninety seconds we're gonna start in three two one if you could abolish one thing in the road what would it be %HESITATION crimes against children your favorite hobby reading your biggest role model my cat what would you like to be remembered for my your biggest goal this year to get out in a %HESITATION some heartfelt snacks and new people and and just really connect with others your west mistake my first marriage no if you could relive one day again what they would it be any day with my dad the ability to fly or be visible fly the number one thing that annoys you liars money or fame many your proudest moment giving birth to my children your favorite food would you rather speak more languages we'll be able to speak to animals I feel like I can speak to animals so I mean if you go with all languages if you had an extra hour day how would you spend any time with my children sixty two your favorite TV show ever I merely lab and I still really laugh the old classics like my legs on show I love those because they would you rather know how you would die or when you were done house and finally what is one question that you wish I had asked you covered at all and does this is amazing well bless you so that was nice and the next question when asked just before we move on to the final question is about reflection and the call I'm a firm believer that hindsight is a wonderful thing because obviously upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to places quicker easy how would less heartache what I want to know is if you could go about knowing everything that you know not too young and healthy maybe during your early years between the ages of eight to ten %HESITATION whatever agent was and you can just whisper something in the air knowing exactly what you know now what would it be %HESITATION I think in regards to the abuse that I suffered I would say it's not your fault this isn't your fault none of this is your fault %HESITATION that would be huge and did you believe it was your full at that at that particular time I thought I did something wrong definitely I thought I thought it was something I did wrong and I and I believe that for a long time you know so yeah I would definitely say that thanks for sharing if I may just ask on that was it was it difficult for you to come out and let your family know about it I mean how did the how did that let's change the fuck on %HESITATION so that was a totally different you know that's a whole story in itself but I'm like I mentioned my best friend who invited me to the meditation circle we were friends in middle school so I think by this time I'm eleven or twelve years old I don't know but I was just going to such a difficult time and like I said I was in so much physical pain %HESITATION that I opened up to her and I mean she was you know another child basically and and so she went to the school counselor and so the school counselor called me in and then called me parents and and so that's how it came now but by this time it was already you know seven years and but there was a lot of threats being named by this person so I was afraid yeah I was trying to ruin the family I was afraid I was going to get hurt to think he was going to hurt my appearance on I was afraid of not being believes %HESITATION and then at some point you know do you it's so common that in a way you accept it which is a strange concept but it just becomes your life and you don't know any difference at that point so excited even out I don't think that that you know at the earlier stages I didn't know was an option to to to speak out about and say Hey this is happening and this is %HESITATION county what should we do right I I literally had no idea and because it was so it was so common and it happened so many times that it just became my life who's thank you for sharing the thing yeah and just finally then so this is actually the last question I always love trust my guess and it's about let okay so if in a hundred fifty years time signs vows to save his soul and all that exists is a book and this book has everything that you've done in your life for the weight and wonderful things firstly what with the title of the book be and second what the Blair but the back tell us about coffee I think I would want the titled Sabine never alone and and I think I'd want it to really express that you know I was a compassionate he's sick kinds of person %HESITATION but I think I would want it soon you need expressed the fact is that I would want others to know that we all have this in our guidance and this and make healing power with an S. on that even you know in those darkest moments when we feel alone that we are able to tap into that in tune into that and that we are definitely more powerful than we hi to believe %HESITATION but I'd really want people to know that %HESITATION that they have this amazing ability inside them they will be much more courageous if we knew how strong we could truly be so that's right absolutely and Kathy suddenly dies obviously the end of that the questions but I want to give this I want to give you an opportunity and we get to guess an opportunity to obviously connect is also what's the best place that the list is can reach out to you and so I have a website it's Kathy Courtney dot net and I am on Instagram Kathy Courtney seven %HESITATION but definitely there my website if someone had any questions or you've definitely reach me on their phone testing and also to the website that I mentioned anyway I actually read your story and he and he was fascinated I'm so glad that I did read that story I did reach out pain because here I am myself too I mean this is been absolute pleasure energy as everyone listening to follow Kathy again if you go on even now with Instagram page we are following you %HESITATION you'll messages even in your captions and stuff is always in a message there but our I'm looking forward to you really coming out of your shower metes Stein T. share your life because this this conversation has been really enlightening for me I really do appreciate you sharing your vulnerabilities as well also thank you for taking time out of your day today and I want to also thank the leases well thank you for listening thank you so much I really appreciate you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
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"Follow your heart" by Lara Waldman #31
Tagline: "Trust in yourself, trust in your heart & trust your inner knowing."
An abundance activator, a manifestation expert, a healer and author, Lara Waldman speaks of the importance of slowing down. Knowing that we never truly arrive at our destination and having suffered with trauma growing up due to her mother leaving, she has had to learn about balancing her spiritual, mental, emotional and physical well-being.
Lara explains the areas in our lives that we may struggle in and need to acknowledge. She also speaks about finding the purpose of our pain and seeing this as a gift. She explains the importance of understanding your mind and ego and finding the real true goals you need to achieve to become more successful.
Some key discussion points:
- The importance of meditation
- Finding balance spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically
- Finding the gift in the purpose of our pain
- Understanding true priorities
- Achieving true success
Thanks for listening
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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Links to Lara:
Instagram: https://instagram.com/larawaldmanofficial?igshid=4w8xra325wgd
Website: https://larawaldman.com/about-2/
YouTube: https://youtu.be/p9JRdXTiE_4
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abundanceactivator
Pippa Transcript:
welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of fine your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show today I am delighted to be up to bring to you Lara Waldman he is a well known and but does activate now in case anyone is familiar with those times it would all be explained in this episode he's been a coach now for many years she's been here for fifteen years she's a or that she's a manifestation express this lady's fascinate but more importantly she gives us tangible takeaways in this episode that we can really start to take away a start to change our lives today now this also became a bit of a counseling session for myself right now a lot of areas in my life that's still needed growth is still needed me to really work on myself but again I'm here to show my oven abilities with yourselves this is Jenny this is about finding my own voice is about writing my own story and hopefully it helps you guys do the same he says some incredible things about how we call an escape past selves she also spoke of the importance of having a balance between you emotional spiritual and physical self and then she touched on something that I think we can all resonate with which is that we never truly arrive so we have all these goals will these designs of we will be happy when when is when do we ever truly arrive at the destination the chances are not because of this as you start to grow when you go through this process you can always change of visions your priorities and everything kind of either evolves grows %HESITATION sometimes it could even supposed diminish so it was a fascinating conversation she somebody who loves to talk and have deep meaningful conversations I love a lot myself we had a fascinating conversation is somebody I'm gonna be keeping in touch with offline as well I encourage or too far ahead Jenny on Instagram and also join us over on the Instagram page as well it is growing knack nicely and I do like to try and engage in order of our listeners and one of our guests so guys but not for the reduced let's get this interview on the way okay fantastic I'd like to start by welcoming lar to the show today and thanking him for taking time out of a day in sharing her story with the soldiers are how you doing today Hey it's really great to connect with you I actually love talking not really here today fantastic what talking is definitely a good stop because that's what we're gonna do a hopefully for the next hour and I want to know a little bit more about yourself Lara and I want to know a lot about your story and I'm sure the audience do as well so if you wouldn't mind could you kind of give us a bit about yourself your summary of what kind of I suppose brings you to where you are today well it's a sort of a long story I'm sorry I was born and raised in Vancouver Canada I now live in London England %HESITATION I had we had a really amazing upbringing on the outside everything looks perfect we wouldn't were sailing in the summer as skiing in Whistler and winters we had %HESITATION this what looked like really kind of perfect happy family and in some ways on the physical level everything was great but turns out things weren't so great underneath that %HESITATION when I was twelve my my god mother my mom's best friend committed suicide and this put a bomb into our family it basically expose everything that had been hit in our deny age covered up on the emotional level within our family unit so this really took my mom into a very very difficult and dark place and she ended up leaving when I was fourteen there was a lot of emotional on rest so we went from this kind of what seem obvious I was a child right but seems to picture perfect %HESITATION situation to it went went very dark and then it just it seems like everything just goes dark in my memory and my parents it was but I had to sell our home and there is a lot of %HESITATION unrest there's a lot of traumatic experiences in that time and I went into a really tough girl kind of big front I don't care self destruction am I really gently thought and care %HESITATION super strong but I'm also very armors and %HESITATION when I was but I think sixteen seventeen I was just exhausted all the time in which the doctor she said I think you have depression and I was like what I didn't think I'd depression number getting on the scales and I weighed way more than I'd ever waited always very slim person and this is a start then of my eating disorders so I basically just starve myself an exercise like crazy and and really within a very dark place of self hate and trying to be something or becomes something that I wasn't this went on for a long time but %HESITATION I would then went to university excesses were everyone did in my in my community went there route just felt really done everyone was partying and and I was just right down to the rowing team and I was up at five in the morning just like in the gym in the afternoon just focus focus push myself really hard but really low in retrospect and I don't know exactly the moment this happened but suddenly %HESITATION I think I went to this meditation classes had never tried my life it's kind of weird I didn't really understand it the RIAA ways %HESITATION this vision or this feeling came in to me and I had this vision where I saw myself speaking to an international audience as being interviewed and I was speaking about the fact that we as human beings we have the power to consciously create our life we are way more powerful than we realize and I don't know where this came from because this is not what I was really thinking about %HESITATION speaking about at the time it just came as decision so all I thought oh my gosh I'm so screen actress that is my purpose so I quit university and I followed I went to like to study lots acting as working in restaurants and a study as much as I could and then I got this next inspiration was to go to London England and go to theater school %HESITATION and be trained as a theatre actor so I I flew up over to London ended my relationship just following this sort of what I would call now my intuition of my inner guidance system but I didn't really know that's what it was time and it took me to to consider school to come to London and and my plan was to go to two years Sears school and then come back to Vancouver and start my very successful acting career but life different plans for me so I %HESITATION after you're being in England which is very again it was quite dark time it was quite I was very lonely and it was I was working really hard working full time studying full time but it was challenging time I then met my now husband I am twenty two at a time this guy was super peaceful super calm I was real love at first sight kind of experience and %HESITATION he meditated he meditated twice a day how god statistician bring so I have this sense that I needs to to meditate but I had really huge resistance to wonder forced myself I hated it the screen to my chair but I made myself sit for twenty minutes and I for some reason just knew I had to keep going at it so I sat with it and then after not very long when I saw it long enough eventually I would have these amazing feelings of peace and that I guess got me hooked wow that is amazing feeling and then not long after that something very strange happened to me where I was at my eyes closed and then out of nowhere I in my mind's eye I saw in front of my %HESITATION if front of me and I heard the sun flashing lights you are a healer and I heard in my ears as well and I it was I just remember collapsing on the bed and fled to tears and sobbed and sobbed because I knew I was going to be an actress in that moment and I knew that my whole life is about to change and I was so upset I was devastated are you said a remember saying okay universe I don't know what this is but you bring it to me I'm not looking for I was super pissed and very soon I stuff across the ceiling course and then I will I remember going on this course it was again I think I was really tapped into this inner guidance but I didn't really know if that's what it was but it was leading before something was pushing me for what I meant that first course the healing course and I just knew that this is my future and then I started to discover all of the stuff I've been struggling with physically had been struggling with health problems emotionally I've been struggling I just felt I had all the time also in my body and realize that there was a whole other world that I don't understand which is kind of emotional aspect in that entered energies as well all this drama I've been through I had no idea how much it affected me and then I really start this journey of healing and releasing on an emotional level in our minds level and my body and my I really start to heal this this physical health problems I've been experiencing emotional imbalances really started to shift and it was incredible and then I just I've been on that path for over twenty for twenty years now %HESITATION but but fast forward I ended up %HESITATION getting pregnant as twenty six which was a surprise but I again I knew this this was the right thing and I I have two beautiful daughters now and what happened was is then I I'd have to sort of big vision right is big vision to help the world speak to the world and then at this point my life I was stuck at home with two little kids which I love being a mom but we had no money we are really broke and I felt really for stocking frustrated really limited and then I started to %HESITATION in meditation is when I meditate I %HESITATION I developed or start to understand that I was getting messages I was getting what I call inner guidance or call channeling depending what you want to call and I started getting these messages but I had never occurred to me to to ask what money before so I started asking questions about money before that I've been working our health and healing emotional balance I was also you know really fashion is what happened to my mom like why did everything go so bad and so dark and so I really was super fascinated in the unconscious %HESITATION and how our unconscious self effects are current reality but I had never looked at money so then I started on this really big journey around understanding about money in my relationship with money and what is going on with that and what I realize is I'd actually because I grew up with money but light you know things didn't work you know the people weren't happy and so I rejected it I rejected that whole scene I rejected kind of the physical world you know of of like physical %HESITATION I guess physical successor physical objects because I saw that that wasn't really making people happy and then I was going into the heart and the soul and Kirk Hanson this is what makes people happy we can't be happy if we're not happy on the inside right but then this whole next for chapter of my life is about finding the balance between the spiritual emotional mental and physical but how we can how we can thrive and feel good in all areas of our lives because what I learned is if we're like I was at that point very spiritually rich in a mostly rich and I had all this powerful information on this kind of energy level but because but don't have any money meant we're really limited in the physical world also equally people can be very wealthy they can have physical money and wealth and physical things but be completely bankrupts emotionally spiritually and we're not happy unless we have some kind of balance in all areas of our life so now my thing is right ugh we create a life of abundance all in all areas of our lives because if one part of the system is broken if you're not gonna feel good you're not gonna feel a sense of success in the film and purpose so we're so there are quite a lot of areas that we need to take care of but this is what was so my work now is about really living abundance how can we live I create a life of true abundance which includes all areas of life we don't have to reject anything we don't have to reject money reject Leviton project health we can include all of this why are that sprint now what an incredible journey live so that resonated with me on on quite Hugh Scott let's see because office so you know how you you said you mentioned during situation %HESITATION with the address of the actress feeling you lot that's it what to do yeah not not so much in terms of dot now would you be an active rock I've had those moments in my life but I've never really understood him and sometimes a lot ha ha I just convince myself that's why should be doing but recently for some reason something keeps telling me I need to meditate now I look at my body and all I look after my health I try to I try to find bodies into the physical mental emotional and spiritual aspects of a of my life because I believe you need some sort of balance and I'm I'm glad that you touched on that as well but meditation is a something not the minute I'm not sure why I'm not doing it but I just thought it just kind of switch is me often think it I don't have to call a lot I'm so busy I like three jobs a day and all of it seven days a week of the tour really have time to you to meditate and it's funny because I was I think was watching Jay show he's he's he's fat is fascinating because it speaks about with them and I think he went on this most junior he mentions that if you had an extra hour day he'd meditate and I find it really ought but then also there's obviously some beauty it and you just mentioned it not so I went on we just ask you on that and maybe this is more of a kind of selfish personal question but I hope they listen the home you don't meditate might take some value from it could you recommend something for say somebody like myself he you kind of I suppose pushes out or their way one the importance of meditation %HESITATION you said you had this car euphoric feeling avoid when you went for it but what stuck the face that sought is is easy just slapping on a you tube video and then maybe spend ten fifteen minutes doing that is is a good start over have you got any of this or practices that you could recommend yes so everyone's a little bit different %HESITATION I've you know coaches for lots of people in in trying to create some sort of practice where you want to stop and go within now the first thing I want to say this is great in terms of preventive medicine because stopping meditating will help to lower your stress levels lower anxieties so it's really really good on lots and lots of levels but some people really struck like myself I really struck I really had to force myself to stop so what I would say is one of the reasons why I find it's hard to stop is because we don't want to feel we don't want to feel ourselves we're not taught the value of being we're not taught the value of being in the present moment and we want to avoid the present only because status we'll have to feel our pain and we don't want to feel it but equally when we sit long enough that pain will transform it will shift and you'll start having feelings of peace of euphoria of connection it's a feeling of coming home and it's absolutely beautiful and I think once you start having that experience enough you get addicted to you start feeling good just like working out going to the gym first you know it's off when you have an exercise in the first %HESITATION pulling yourself out there but once you get into a rhythm you get addicted to it and then that it's not such hard work exactly the same what I would say is %HESITATION everyone's a little bit different I recommend starting with five minutes a day five minutes there than no minutes even two minutes is better than no minutes it's really as simple as sitting sitting in a way that's comfortable for you trying to have good posture is responsible and breathing I'm just focusing on your breath breathing in everything out within about two seconds your mind will start wondering you want to come back in this keep coming back to press connect the breath what what what happens is it gives your mind and your body a chance to filter out and process all the information triggers emotions that happened in your day or maybe your week and when you send it in your mind and your body needs time to filter through a process all of the information so it can take sometimes up to twenty minutes to find feelings of peace if you're really triggered emotionally upset it could take half an hour but five minutes is better than no minutes you'll feel a little bit calmer yeah if you just sit and breathe is so simple and is actually free but there's lots of I have I have some guided healing meditations on you too %HESITATION there's lots of %HESITATION the guided meditation sometimes book it helps you to listen to something but you can also do walking meditation so you can go out in nature and just you know listen to anything this breed bring bring yourself in the moment some people find it hard to sit still you could move you could do kind of like dancing sort of meditation you can bring it's just %HESITATION bring yourself into the present moment okay and and again there's lots and lots of benefits to it on on motional mental and physical level as well that's really interesting so one of the things I have done and thank you for sharing all of that is start to read a lot about solitude in just trying to be by myself %HESITATION and always you Steve I suppose struggle to you and maybe this is pop minds ought you to be alone so even go to a shopping center by myself or sitting in a coffee shop on myself and always fit I need to somebody else that someone I am going to the card have Ginni of just being okay by myself and I was very fortunate to have just travel to Miami with the wife and the full hour day started and we went on ventures are always wake up an hour early and I just go for a walk on occasion you put music on and just being in that moment I suppose it's easier when your out of your apartment so right now I'm sitting on hold where are where can where I live but just being in a completely different environment I did fail more peaceful so I can definitely for the thing is I know you're right I know how I know there's an advantage from it because the same with exercise always say fuck about let the feeling not like after doing exercise and send it in the shops no it's %HESITATION it's almost at the best I'm too depressed in the road so it's something that I you definitely H. anyone listening to yes this will start to minutes SO star five minutes I'll try and be accountable myself or try to post this the more the pages on this I think it is something that we will need to do and just on that if I may ask them to do you believe I'm paid above devil's advocate here don't be kinda chief violence in old areas talking physical mental emotional and spiritual or is there going to be and that's that would be maybe to accept that so maybe is going to be maybe more in June than the others good question this is my work in progress every day so I believe that %HESITATION balance isn't isn't a solid fix thing it's a constantly moving things like the weather at like the tides %HESITATION like like nature it's moving and flowing all the time the balance is there isn't one one flat line of balance bar this is again why for me this meditation is is great foundation because we need to be really listening and tuning in and being connected to our life so if there is an area where you're struggling or there is an area that is difficult it's like the universe our life is screaming at you saying this needs your attention so this is what I call the purpose of your pain is that the pain or pain in our struggle or sign post something needs our attention so it's there's always going to be challenged there's always going to be things that stretch you or challenge you bought what I like to do is if we can use those challenges consciously what we discover is there's gold in the pain there's gold in there but the it the pick the pain or the challenge or the difficulty is showing that there's something is out of balance so we we need it's it's it's work it's hard work it's not like it's not easy and anyone who you know I'm I'm I'm married I've got kids that run a business you know got a dog home there is there is lots of areas of life that need our attention so it is a false and time job but what I find is if we're listening and we're slowing and were surrendering to the moment as well getting out of the ego getting at the mine there is a flow there is a place of flow there is a current dot is was going to help you to feel in flown in harmony with your life so and I called that balance but it's she got that current is changing all the time so we have to be listening we have to be tuning in and what I've realized is that %HESITATION life is here to support us but we have to work with it which means we have to slow down enough to listen to pay attention and so it's it's not an easy it's not straight for answer but it it's a practice and I've been developing this over the last twenty years and I'm still like a constant student with all of this as well as being a teacher this and so it is is is is is just like anything whether it's like exercise or gardening or I'm keeping your house tidy it needs are constant tension nothing that makes perfect sense and I suppose once we %HESITATION in myself included going not Janie of really trying to listen to bean not mobile like you said surrender surrendering I think it definitely help low so thankful that you mention it is hard work because sometimes seven those expectations I mean all I do this from a physical standpoint in my past %HESITATION trying to cram where people want a very quick fix now where site or its not okay how many jobs in six minutes let your not many ads in six minutes and you could you could let you sit there for twenty four hours into crunches or not you're not gonna get ABS because it's so many of the faucets to health and fitness in order to get your body fat low in it in order that stuff so yeah one of the first things I would say went but I used to with the clients more on a one to one basis was before we start I need a hundred percent commitment of it not every day's gonna be great not every day is going to be how you think it's going to be but you have to put in the work so yes I suppose it probably he's just the element of myself so my subconscious the pointed often thinking this is going to be another thing to do and I'm not suppose I'm guilty of thinking it's a waste of time so I I feel like I'm in this part of my life where I need to achieve all these goals I'm neglecting probably one of the most important things like myself and I really need to maybe sit back a little bit so thank you for that you're welcome and it the thing that you search realizes whatever you're doing whatever your goals whatever you're creating you are at the center of it you are the center point of all of everything your experiences and actually when we slow down we realize a lot of the stuff that we think we're supposed to be doing this %HESITATION much mental noise there's so many distractions and actually when after I don't start my day I don't start anything until I am aligned and connected because what I realized as soon as I drop in and on my whole yeah all that on my to do list I can see if scrap barn all that stuff I thought I had to do all the pressure from the mind you know a lot of it is just noise and when we drop in and we can get really clear what is the most important thing what's going to really transform my life where my where are my true priorities because the mind in the ego can create mountains out of mole hills I'm so this kind of practice let's just call it is stopping calming down a little bit is it it it puts everything into perspective it actually makes you more successful so all I see is a is a is a foundation to success if that helps motivate you absolutely absolutely you're gonna see my on what to do some video just for kind of Billy I will let you take the advice on board so thank you for that and just actually on being aligned to connected like you just mentioned there what is your daily routine like that well that I sometimes see people saw how I live my life they'd probably be laughing at me I ice I spend a lot of time doing self care now so what happened for me was I was a super like Dr driver I was I worked out really hard I push myself really hard I was like go go go really fiery focus determine what started happening to me I'm in my early twenties with every time I went to exercise those really big and health and fitness I would get stargazer sick and it was so frustrating for I cannot tell you and that's all also the time I started meditating base my whole body was that you have to slow right down this whole pushing forcing thing is not working for you so I really learned this the hard way I I thought this whole thing kicking and screaming so this is what what I'm gonna tell you that I do now is like a twenty year like honing practice because that having babies at how does that slowed me down the holes all of life taught me how to slow right down and what I started to learn was actually the more I took care of myself the more I was in kind of slow in harmony with my body the more successes start experiencing but it's what I call true success you know not like like really this experience of feeling abandoned so I %HESITATION well now my girls are a little bit older but first as you know getting up the kids and stuff I %HESITATION walk my dog so get out in nature %HESITATION being out in nature is really really important to me I live in London so it's even more important get out in nature somewhere as a bomb in the park %HESITATION I move my body so movement and that can look in all sorts of ways but right at the moment it's walking I might do a little stretching %HESITATION I goose also in in and out phases of things like I've done a lot of yoga in the past %HESITATION sometimes go for a run with my dog but it's basically about moving the body getting the bug blood pumping and stretching so getting comfortable and food in my physical body I will come home and %HESITATION I tend to meditate in some form or another %HESITATION generous sitting sometimes I'd lie on the floor in just three days and I'm waiting for looking for this moment where I feel balance nor should alignment so if my mind is in rushing in thinking if I'm not feeling good which are I sometimes don't wake up feeling good I'm doing my prices and I till I feel that click of alignment balance and that kind of off the area is this feeling of being back in myself and my center so I spent the morning I'm finding that place of alignment moving really is essential for me and then breathing meditating %HESITATION I journal sometimes %HESITATION so %HESITATION and basically what I'm looking for that place is connecting brought to our what I call my higher self my inner guidance system which is this place that that yes feeling inside of me %HESITATION in so some to an obviously every day is a little bit different some days I have more time than others but I I create my diary my schedule so that I have a good chunk of time in the morning to do that then I get on with my day and you know having been a wonderful experience connecting with amazing people if we're doing now and then at some point in the afternoon I might notice that my energy might drop again so when I start to feel tired or stressed or overwhelmed out of flow I know that I need to stop so I will you if you were walking to my husband if I'm lying on the floor %HESITATION and I or I line the something I lie down and I read it again until I find the alignment and sometimes my boys is that you know what this is you just need to stop this idea of like Monday to Friday nine to fiver for me is not in harmony with my body and so I have burst of energy and when I have a drop in energy I know okay I need to stop if I if I'm able to so I tried to design my day and my schedule around my energy peaks and my energy tips so I I plan on my creative stuff and all that kind of action I need to live with his writing or the interviews work with clients on more my energy peak and then I'll try and clear my diary for when I have my drops on a walk my dog again Socorro nature again because he does the walking twice a day but I also I need walking towards the day so I'll get back in into sun harmony I'm I'm also in connection is really really important to me as well so every day you'll find me having some kind of deep conversation with somebody who anyone who talk to me about %HESITATION yeah I'd like to have really deep honest authentic but share conversations and that can be about the hard stuff and the wonderful staff I'll be doing that every day as well because that fuels me energizes me and I try and eat really well so I I again without think judging are hard on myself I try and really listen to my body what is a want to eat what is it want to drink and trying to really listen and %HESITATION and put things into my body also nursed nourish me so as you can see this sort of a few different angles that I come from if I don't do that I don't feel good so for me I'm highly sensitive I realized I didn't know if it was super tough president care I am highly since I actually I think human beings are all highly sensitive we've just shut down disconnected so I've learned that I have to say I want to feel good and honest thrives and when I'm doing this practices every day I am in alignment I'm striving to feel good and then my creative energy is awesome okay ideas inspirations it will feed into my business if I'm not doing that I will feel down that I might feel anxious I might feel scared you know and it can take me into dark places so for me I have to do a lot of self care to stay in that space the balance so it is not it's just a thousand happened for me accidentally it's very conscious mindful and requires time absolutely %HESITATION I mean I just love that has so insurance have you all with yourself but I guess that comes on to you the kind of twenty years of experience yes but you've been doing nothing again a lot we to turn it into your wanted not because of so many things to do what I lease we we have all this noise telling us that we have so much to do so so seeing that we don't work with that way I can so I think once we can set the expectation that it is going to take time I don't suppose a bit like if I use the gym analogy self with myself in order for me to you for example increased lightweight sifted or other bit of muscle it would take me generally eighteen months but I've kind of got used to that because I've been doing it for eight nine years now I'm used to the process and I love the process and I I get a good feeling from it so I think as long as I can kind of transform that into this you know send you help and I just wanna touch on you mentioned you were highly sensitive so I can also unfair but my wonder Billy I'm probably one of the most emotional guys you'll probably be this yeah in terms of the fact that my wife calls me wifey well I would actually I mean I could watch expect that somebody goes through and I'm just in case I'm so happy for it and sometimes I don't even know who this person is and I'm just boring on the other side and right sometimes up I feel a bit I used to get embarrassed by a wide wide what I get so emotional or get like a frog in my throat like you know when you when you call me the words and my voice would drop in and one for dole straight away the %HESITATION over sensitive but could I just want to touch on another thing as well I think we're in a space especially on social media where the the grind to the whole so it's kind of like a cool thing to do our E. that's what twenty four hours a day I mean the first thing out of the committee to use you know what seven days a week a trial because many hours a day I don't really have time to stop and I've seen the examples of people doing that and then the TV may be among the tree as successful some financial gain but then the set of a failed exactly yeah and I think this is a really important lesson one not just for myself but for anyone out then I who's almost damaging themselves I in some in terms of that imbalance to just have it covered look back and see what true success is like you touched on it which I thought was view for the way you said that so thank you for that is really liked it and I I would say this and I said it before the start of this episode I feel so fortunate because I have this time with amazing guess let your software I'm just get it not one to one the best coaching the vote so great for me because it is sixty minutes and %HESITATION I really enjoyed hopefully the listeners will gain something from this is awesome thank you are for sharing or not I really do appreciate it US my greatest pleasure and and I and thanks for sharing your vulnerability to because you know men are just as sensitive as women this I you know I just think there's just so much so many lies that we've been souls and we just need to get back in connection with our self and understand how we are in night I didn't realize a sense of I was either I'm highly since it highly emotional %HESITATION and I realize it's a beautiful saying if we can flow with it you know it's when it gets out of balance it can be really destructive and really problematic but it's a gift but it's like learning how to use that gift because if you're really sensitive but not honoring your sensitivity it can be really destructive and that's what I learned and and I to be honest I've learned a lot of the stuff the hard way I'm if I start pushing or trying to create some is not and so it myself other get scarecrow like something that will happen is I think it slam dunked so I've I think dot and again like also I've achieved lots of things and I had all these goals and I thought that's what I wanted and then I got it and I felt empty I thought nothing so that's when I started getting really curious like right what what is actually doing here but we need to be all areas need nurturing but we have to remember like the core of it because this is what I learn also with exercising working out and like push myself to her with health I was like probably the healthiest like person you will ever meet but I wasn't mentally healthy so it was like no matter what I achieved was never good enough is never enough never enough and it's like feeding this hungry ghost and so what I started to realize is we have to get to the core of who we are so that whatever we're doing is gonna bring true fulfillment and that sometimes means you know slowing down because what whatever we think we want isn't necessarily what we truly want it might be a next step will not talk but it's often something deeper so as long as we're bringing in that death whatever we do will be nurturing but affirmed in for not really bringing in that kind of deeper part of ourselves nothing we do is going to bring a strip of film is just get next next next like an addict so this is why it's so important and then we can really thrive and we can really enjoy life because I think what's the point what's the point of being here for not enjoying this experience absolutely absurd I I I think I said the same thing in in a post this morning I was not even those fortunate huge live the longest life is still very short for them and we really need to put that into perspective a maybe I mean one of the purposes of the show is always like to talk about phase two which is what we're going to next because it's it's an adverse T. where I suppose if I cook for a few weeks but we think okay life is short let me let me thank all the people who have helped me let me show love to those close to me and it may just be great for the moment but then all of a sudden two three weeks pass and then you kind of back into the rat race and you'll get to routine you forget everything so I am very blessed because this part because as almost made me be grateful six six days a week was before grad she was never part of my daily routine so say the center helps me so yeah this fantastic point and if we do move over to the best of it and you spoke briefly about deep connection a conversation let's talk about the hard stuff if you wouldn't mind let's let's get you renewed shows refueled eyes you stay if I'd like to know a time of just a time when you face grade fifty and more importantly how you persevere through and the less is that it for you if you could share that with myself and this is I think a big great value so obviously life I you know I'm one forty one now so I've had lots of you know knocks and challenges of little mini ones but I feel I feel the core thing maybe this is maybe is getting too deep I don't know but the core thing for me this run through everything was what I would say with the trauma from my childhood and that no matter what I've done his name like I can't you can't escape yourself so what I realize a lot of my goals in my dreams when I've been pushing towards is actually been in a way to trying to skate this trauma trying to skate this pain and I realize that there's no escaping ourselves so in a way what what I realize is that all of my goals an element of trying to expand beyond you know trying to two almost to create a New World for myself and every time I try to kind of grown expands and I felt like I kept running slammed back down again and again and again and what I realize is because I had to get right down to the deep core of myself my trauma my pain and go in and transform it from like the inside out in order to truly like to truly expand into a desire I'm so it's not one thing it's many many things but there is this fundamental core wound within myself which came you know you know and and lesser it's not her fault but cut comes from this relationship with my mom and because of you know her pain and trauma both my parents again trauma which almost everyone does what human being has an experience pain trauma what I call ancestral trauma trauma that gets passed down from generation to generation to generation and so what I experienced was this feeling of like because of my parents trauma I didn't feel loved I didn't feel like who I was was it knowledge or values out a good enough so I felt bad I felt like I'm a bad person something about me is bad something about me is disgusting something about me as a wrong and I've been on this kind of missions trying grow out of this feeling feeling bad a not good enough and I didn't know that that's what was running me consciously when I was younger but now I can see that's what it was and it wasn't because you know my parents did anything wrong it's just that because of their stuff they couldn't really give me the kind of love and support and nurturing that I needed so I felt kind of abandoned neglected emotionally speaking spiritually speaking and it's so so the only time I fell all right was one of the cheating in sport because I was really good at sport and then I'd get could us then I'd get maybe comfort I I I yes so it was so I feel for me like this journey last twenty years has been about really finally learning how to love and take care of like really value who I am last four and see who I am I know the actually there's nothing wrong with me on the deepest level of my being but it's been a really long journey to really get that because you can know something intellectually conceptually but it's about really knowing it deep within yourself that who I am as okay now and so this is been obviously and might as a healer us I've been trying to give the out to everybody else I was like I'm gonna give it to you and get you and help you feel okay and I'm gonna see you and love you and witness you but I wasn't really doing it for myself so this has been my biggest thing and then finally like obviously it's a work in progress right it's not like you land what I've learned about life is there's no you never Rive never arrive to the space where I know I was trying to rob us to find you know finally when I get there then I'll be okay then everything will be fine and that I realize now living you know like forty plus years now my yeah there's no arriving there is no end point there is you know you when you reach your goal may do the they'll be another one so for me it's been realizing that like fundamentally I'm okay %HESITATION and really knowing kind it's almost like the parts of me that I thought were bad I actually realized my guess and the thought this the president about America she was really good about me they just weren't hello they were acknowledged they were witnessed so they just went into the underground the underworld of the shadow and so I would say like for me this is been my biggest thing to overcome and I'm still working with that %HESITATION but I feel like there's been some really fundamental shifts and now it just changes the way that I do everything it changes the way that I move through life in a way that I create my business the way that I show up %HESITATION so rather than trying to think before I was like running into chase someone was chasing something in chasing a gone chasing a dream but I I kept on being slammed back and was like what is this why is it so hard because you can we cannot we have to move forward with all all of us no we had we life will not let us leave any part of us behind so is so this I would say I I hope that makes some sort of sense with your question but for me that's my biggest my biggest thing and I know I'm really really passionate now about the Buck stops with me like I do not want to pass on this and so what I would conceptualization my kids to future generations I want to shift is D. with these deep wounds is steep paying the state census of separation and abuse so much abuse that's been going that goes on everywhere and I really my big passion is like if I can stop that within myself and I can support other people's like just to transform a few people's lives DOT skin it then recall out into future generations and that that is my big passion I do what I do I'm like this is not going further the LAR las that's probably one of the most interesting responses about you have a head to this question it's %HESITATION it's fascinating and as you were saying that I was visiting so much with that I think your children on a fantastic place because the grandmother was so much where to send your gonna bring them so much more of the stuff that maybe you didn't have to know for your own of your parents and I think that they'll be blessed to obviously have your wisdom around that and there was one other thing you said which was you called escape yourself and I just saw this fantastic actually made that bold on my page here because we have to you well I selves faced you know this is the purpose of the show because for twenty four hours a day every single day until our last day but with ourselves so we can help we can love our parents because of our kids because of us prices as much as possible but when they're not there is just is just out of the woods yeah even myself when I struggle I have friends I can confide in but then double my friendly's my side %HESITATION my wife is my site it's just me and unless I'm not fixing myself and realizing because you again into the point you said we're not broken we just I suppose we just rebuilding Justin about strong enough I'm always trying to cut it so I thought that was one of the the one I keep were the best senses anyone's ever given me because it's something I can relate to I think it is definitely deep in us I think sometimes we need to look a little bit deeper robin just hit a generic stuff so I really appreciate you sharing that if I may off the back of that just ask you something a little bit personal please feel free to say you don't answer that's absolutely fine but you mentioned your mom again and that's probably where the trial the stock from with your childhood have you truly forgiven your ball but do you still hold any resentment towards a I have truly forgiven my mom %HESITATION I still I think with me I long for true authentic connection which means that whoever is in communication the also needs to be able to be authentic and I think it's really hard for some people to be that self honest because to be honest with yourself you have to feel everything and you know it's a generational thing their generation is just not equipped to feel on that level so I also have to for me it's not accepting just acceptance of yeah here she is and where she's in honoring her past and her journey and it's different very different from mine so for me it's been about acceptance forget forgiveness is part of it but it was about it it was about acceptance and like I was trying sometimes my mission to heal in transforming changes meant that I haven't you know accepted I heard the situation how it how it is and I because I wanted things to be better and I can see it could be better could be better you know this call is pushed pushing again I'm and partly that's good that's good for a person who really wants to grow and evolve but for someone who's just like I just want to be me in this moment %HESITATION so that's been one of my biggest learnings particular relations my mom is just like this that letter be more women yeah but I'm on a very different mission %HESITATION so so yes I would say it for you absolutely forgiveness is there but now my practice is just really acceptance of Santos the north and I think that's a great lesson for anyone listed is that not everybody will have the same dreams goals aspirations or the desire to grow hi yes I. freezes you are and myself and it was very frustrating for me when I have family members and friends who I want to see do just as well as minnows that come along with the security of light south developments operation nine out of ten of a lot actually I'm just fine where I am and I could never understand and used to frustrate me I'm almost to the point where you're trying to get into the head and understand their logic and not in itself would drive you crazy and yeah I did find just accepting the way that they are because of their own belief system and just whatever they desire was just so much easier for myself and then on though let's just work on myself and maybe one day I can inspire them to maybe think Hey I want the couple cool just trying to enhance my life because I suppose sometimes I'll say and I think ignorance is bliss like before I went on the self development JD lysosomal simply was that's what Monday to Friday and let's get drunk on a Friday night cover the Senate and about to break where is now but body myself on all these layers of my life but at the same time I truly enjoy like I I love what I do I love the whole landing on the government so much in just this last fifty minutes for yourself that note notebook would really give me because it's just been a an authentic people conversation so I want people to kind of fill how long feeding now but again like you said something he stopped except not everyone's may be ready for it in this metallic time yeah so yeah I'm and I would ask you another question and if I if I may and this one is you're in well I would consider not a very good place or at least in a place where you can kind of rely on yourself and maybe make yourself more violence but I want to ask you what's your biggest fear right now in this moment sure it's interesting I think one of my biggest fear is being alone and I mean suffering I I think having like a painful death is also something that scares me I don't mind dying I'm at peace the dying I just don't want pain %HESITATION but being being alone so I realize that connection really deep heart center doesn't the connection fuels me deeply so yeah I think being being totally alone is my answer to that one and and that's being alone from I'm assuming people not in terms of your practice of started chewed or anything like that no because I need that now and I I've I realize that but I I I used to hate I used to run a mile from being alone in anyway and yeah me too big being alone lead you know see because you can be around people and you can there can be a business you can still feel alone yeah at a lonely and that that is something that I've experienced a lot in my life and the I've realized because I need to sort of do get exam to feel to feel yet to see a connection with people %HESITATION so yeah I think being loaned me is probably %HESITATION yes the idea of like a sometimes a sinking gosh if I get old you know no no friends so there's no family and I'm all alone you know that I think is one of the worst things a nice I there's so many people that feel so alone in this world was so many billions of people in it kind of breaks my heart so I feel like I'm also kind of is my fear and then also motivates me to do something about that like how can we shift this alone academic that seems to be on this plan of so many people so so I take my fears and then on the rights what can we do you know that it inspires me to take action and do something I think you touched or someone at a program for you which is low enough so in my last life as a social worker I became aware of the statistics of people suffering and I went in the auto sector and the amount of I does who you I would go visit for Caro just to see how they're doing I was heart breaking with the had no family or friends and and it really did make me feel grateful for this the simple things the ability to just pick up the phone and have a conversation with someone because loneliness is it so it is side it's horrible and I don't wish on anyone and it is actually something that hopefully I can announce to the next maybe years so I'm trying to do more for mental health is trying to create a social enterprise where they're gonna with the money that we raise from the business we're gonna donated to open like day centers and night centers for people who are struggling in isolation %HESITATION just to kind of give a a safe haven where there's no stigma attached to suffer with a mental health to come into a safe place and not be alone basically because through my experience I believe it was a movement often have an informative folk with quite a few people there would say the one thing that they'd want is just someone to talk to without without the fear of judgment and just not be that long because I think they feel like they are unknown and they stroking had swiped like I said with this show is to show people that your problem is an exclusive to you there are diss identifica will connect and we just try to support each other we can hopefully %HESITATION have a have a have a happier life basically all that so beautiful absolutely and and what I've learned because I'm so I've you know supported many many people now over the years is that if you're struggling with something there there is someone else who's struggling the same thing like we're not alone and this is the things also I feel passionate speaking openly authentically to help other people realize you're not the only ones struggling you know yeah and so I think it's beautiful I love your vision thank you thank you we are not you are they going to going to the faux pas the shows are you ready yes okay three two one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be poverty your favorite beer I TA your biggest role model Oprah Winfrey what would you like to be remembered for love your biggest goal this year Christian because because this year to find where we want to let you waste mistake not appreciating every moment of my girls and they were little if you could relive one day again what they would it be when my girls are for like two and five when they're little day whenever that all the ability to fly it will be visible fly the number one thing that I'm doing easy dishonesty money or fame money your proudest moment giving birth to my girls your favorite food Indian would you rather speak four languages we'll be able to speak to animals I can speak to okay this is an old or languages eight yeah if you had an extra hour a day how would you spend it walking with my husband if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour he would it be dead or alive once the Oprah Winfrey we're at the end of the %HESITATION quick fire round how did you find that that was fun good stuff good stuff okay I'm really interested about the %HESITATION speaking with animals so of dust if your conversation for the day not as fascinated us of doctor do those stuff there so I always wanted to be a vet that was my I've always been obsessed with animals and loves loves them okay but it will almost certainly at the end of the show nine Lara so just a couple more questions if I may the next one is about reflection some of them believe that hindsight is a wonderful thing because I was the upon reflection weaker yen and think of ways to get to where we are currently quicker easier over less heartache but at the same time %HESITATION so guess the journey teaches us a lot as well it's always a real belief of mine that everything kind of happens for a reason so knowing exactly what you know now I with all your knowledge and we always them if you could go back to maybe younger Lara maybe when you were fourteen and your going through the the emotional trauma of the of your life and you can just whisper something in the younger Lars yeah what would you say I would say and I would tell her who she is so I would say that you are loved your very deeply loved you're beautiful person you got a beautiful heart you have a special you have special gifts and special sensitivity I would tell her all about the ways that she needs to be looked after nourish to feel okay %HESITATION it took me a long time to learn that and and talked about her lights and M. that she's fine Sir and energies and emotions really difficult and stressful and so I would just be telling her soothing loving things in her ear speak for us before I'm sure you probably say these kind of things not to do is you're going to just be such a bad emotional space front of which is %HESITATION which is fantastic and I suppose the lesson tortoises off I hope so yeah I'm sure you do great and that she does I believe this to the last question and the last question I always like trust my guess is about legacy so if in a hundred fifty years time science fails to save us and all that exists is a book and this book is about you and it tells us all the way in a wonderful things that you've done in life and everything up by you firstly what with the title of the book B. and second what the Blair about the back tell us about you the title would be follow your heart and it's interesting you know I think the things that I'd want to be your remember for as the kindness and love which is interesting right is it almost like I want this sort of essence be there but %HESITATION you know my my desires are you know touching touching millions of people's lives and %HESITATION making an impact inspiring people to trust in themselves trust in their heart dressed in their inner knowing %HESITATION and I hope to make the path easier for people so somehow that by me doing my part of my life Ives somehow clear that path a bit making a little bit easier to walk for future generations something along those lines nothing must be for this view for some reason I mean you definitely made my life easy just in this very brief conversation I'm excited to kind of funny you Jenny moving forward because you've got twenty years experience so for us to be able to just latch on to that and almost kinda get a bit of a head start and then go through the process with you it's fascinating I think calling this and love are two you know the most be for things that we we all should whether it's natural what do we have to learn it just just landed because it will it's going to be in such a better place and finally just on that and following your journey which I really want to encourage every person that listens to the show and all was said to be doing it myself is how can we follow you and how can we connect with you if that's okay with yourself while the best platforms well I love connecting I realized something that motivates me more than anything %HESITATION so I'm on you too if you put in Lara Waldman abundance activator %HESITATION I'm on Facebook if you can larva of an abundance activator I'm on Instagram Lara Waldman official and my website is Lara Waldman dot com and if you want to reach I've got a contact form on the website they're fantastic what I will do is pull or those with the actual links in the show notes so anyway listen to this episode it you just go to the show notes and click it directly and get in touch with you well obviously be promoted on ward aspects of social media are I just wanna say once again thank you so much for your time in order your knowledge that you've lasted so with today and I want to thank everyone at home thank you for listening thank you so much for having me it's been a great pleasure and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
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"Everlasting touch" by Kimberly JoNell #30
Tagline: "Compassion, kindness, connection, empathy & love will carry throughout human civilization"
What an incredibly beautiful soul Kimberly JoNell is.
A woman who has faced her biggest fears, of losing her friend, both parents and her belongings to Hurricane Katrina. A lady who spends every waking hour serving others, with no expectation of receiving anything back. A graceful individual who focuses on making the world a better place for children, teenagers and all those who experience trauma to some level in their lives. I am forever grateful to have shared an hour with Kimberly as I genuinely believed I learnt so much from her story, her experience, her wisdom and knowledge. She is someone who has shown me I have yet so many further steps to travel. But she also showed me that I was right in what I was doing.
We must all live to and through our own purpose. We must become self-aware and recognise our own beauties and become in touch with ourselves so that we can then leave an everlasting touch to the rest of the world.
It was also the first time I have ever shown clips of the episode prior to launching because I have genuinely never felt such a connection with someone, whose message is so pure, authentic and sincere. I urge you all to support this amazing lady and follow her incredible journey on the links shown below.
Some key discussion points:
- How to become more self-aware
- The importance of self-love
- Facing and overcoming adversity
- Intent and sincerity
- Living with energy and inspiration
- Importance of being curious
Thanks for listening
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Links to Kimberly
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacksonk10
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/you-are-the-wealth-with-kimberly-jonell/episodes/Having-Less-Stuff-Can-Reduce-Anxiety-e4g359
Twitter: https://twitter.com/YouAreTheWealth
Pippa Transcript:
welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of find your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show so today I am bringing you Kimberly JoNell somebody who who got me through the interview to state this was actually the greatest three minutes dot ever experience so far %HESITATION find your voice maybe that is because it's something that resonated with me somewhat more than maybe it will with yourselves but what I will say is that that three minutes completely changed the way that I see people in the way that I did not carry out my life and again this is why I'm not trying to move the show a little bit more towards because I'm very conscious that we can all get inspired and motivated by hearing all these stories of people overcoming adversity and going through the trials and tribulations but still remaining positive is still persevering but what I want to start to do not %HESITATION is trying to ask each of my guess a couple of tips a couple of things that we can take away so last week you had the incredible tale that give us the clay act message and that was fantastic and in fact what you've been doing that for the last two weeks and Kimberly crops are owner gets and these looks absolutely incredible and I would just want to say it once again my gratitude to committee for taking time out of a day I certainly learned so much and realize that this personal development Jedi dom on I have so much further to go pretty speedy forty six it's exciting and I'm really enjoying the process and hopefully you guys I've come along on the journey as well are enjoying it too so without further ado let's get this interview on the way okay so firstly I just wanna thank Kimberly for taking time out of a day to come when I show today and be quite enough to share his story as she's actually have podcaster herself a business owner a trauma specialist which is actually something I'm really interested to hear more about a community I reach and youth health educator SO very excited for this opportunity she's on the other side of the road actually so we are connected via Skype which is fantastic in this is kind of the thing that podcasting kind bring to the surface so before we begin can really how you doing today I'm awesome just excited to be here and and and opportunity to talk with you and the rest of your listeners thank you so much for taking the time and having me here today I appreciate it you're very welcome thank you too as well for taking time out your day so it's quite easy for me it's ten o'clock here in the U. K. and parties even a free use of bless you for having to deal with me rambling gone in the morning so %HESITATION I'm a morning person luckily for you saw my so hopefully this will be plain sailing I think it's going to be important for my listeners to get to know your story a little bit from yourself so if you wouldn't mind can belief you kind of just give us I suppose a summary of of your life some things of by you have basically what brings you here today thank you sure so %HESITATION I grew up in a small town outside of Cincinnati Ohio Colerain township and I both of my parents live in the household with me my dad was a truck driver my mother was a stay at home mom and essentially I had a pretty %HESITATION pretty interesting childhood I went back and forth between Louisiana during my summers and %HESITATION didn't really have a lot of extended family in the city where we lived only child so that definitely I provided a lot of insight for me growing up in terms of spending a lot of time alone and I think it has developed a lot within me where I'm pretty self to pay and then in terms of with my self awareness %HESITATION most of my childhood friends I'm still very close to now but there were a lot of experiences I had throughout my childhood and teenage years which brought a lot of curiosity for B. into the things that I'm interested in now %HESITATION I particularly had several relatives in my life who had special needs and the growing up in the nineteen eighties you really did not have a lot of explanation or information available as to what special needs wise what developmental delays wire and throughout my high school years I began to read up a lot more about it I had a cousin in particular that had autism %HESITATION and so I developed an interest in that and I eventually started studying speech pathology in college and I found out from that from that field that we work with individuals who have ox is M. we work with individuals who have other developmental delays that and then we will also serve children who have articulation delays language delays stuttering all of those different facets in childhood there's other rounds of speech pathology as well so part of my %HESITATION my background in that is from some of the early experiences in exposures I had with people who had a developmental delays or cognitive delays so that was sent that was of a big passion of mine early on %HESITATION I'm passionate about electronics and if anybody files my Instagram page they'll see that I'm usually into a lot of different things but %HESITATION I enjoy anything dealing with technology being here for forty years now I have observed so many revolutionary things that have been brought to the %HESITATION into the space with regards to technology advancements the internet %HESITATION and now we're involving %HESITATION evolving into a lot of other things in terms of digital currency %HESITATION I was just reading an article last night about a timeless vehicles so I'm just I'm just a very curious person to being only child I didn't really have a lot of friends early on and I spent a lot of time by myself so curiosity just drives me %HESITATION I'm incredibly grateful I I went through a lot of very difficult situations early on in life I'm I witnessed %HESITATION a violent incident in my early twenties which shaped a lot of things for me %HESITATION I had a very close friend of mine in my early twenties that was killed so that shaped a lot for me as well %HESITATION during my last year of college I'm last right before after graduation from college my family in Dort hurricane Katrina %HESITATION which was a mass of hurricane that impacted the Louisiana and Gulf coast area of the United States and throughout that process I lost everything I had because most of my things were in Louisiana at the time and I was living in a different state so I had the indoor loss %HESITATION several times throughout my life and then two years later both of my parents passed away unexpectedly so sorry to hear that %HESITATION well you know it it does those challenges are things that so many of us have to go through and %HESITATION and and back to that just with my parents that was a huge motivator for me as well in terms of getting into the mental health field at because I did have a lot of observation throughout my childhood with people in my family who struggle with mental health issues and at that time no one really gave it a label but you kind of just observe things that were happening around you and then also observing things that happen within myself as a teenager I struggled a lot with anxiety I struggle out was depression I think that was around the first time in my life and maybe around seventeen or eighteen when I really started to feel what depression felt like and %HESITATION so as I got older I really began to try to understand more about and it wasn't until after my parents passed away that I would there be and it really I mean I am a huge advocate for therapy for people now so that brought me into the mental health realm of where I am now with helping people in the community outreach with trauma and %HESITATION I've taken mindfulness training to try to assist people with that area of their life as well so I'm all over the place but I have many many passions and it it is what keeps me going and just being able to provide something of value to to to the world why what a story so you've definitely exceeded my expectations already in the so many things I actually own a car from that story so face the odds I just love your I chewed because for somebody who's in George so much loss not just only with your friend be a Paris which you know I I send my deepest condolences for %HESITATION you you have such a brilliant attitude that you are grateful for the difficult situations in your life and this is literally it's almost like if I had to think of a perfect guest to have a my show Kimberly you would be that guess because I want people to realize that the calls that would tell in life because we choose and sometimes it works sometimes it bad and it's about having to overcome the adversity and almost used adversity is a gift and you've you've taken on all these obstacles in your life and not what you're doing is you're saving others and you'll fulfilling yourself your happiness and I and I just loved about you that you you send for instance your cousin who's suffered with autism and you said I need to understand is a little bit better and you've dived into that topic and now you're trying to make a difference for people free speech pathology that you mentioned and I like that your all over the place I love that because for some people it's quite common for them to kind of thing that I need to be an expert in one field will kind of stick to one lane I love a lot yourself I am very chaotic my mind is all over the place I am into property on one side I mean to podcast into his by the board in one place I am also an advocate of children's as struggling so my younger brother has wound isn't as well and I was a social worker in my past life so there's a lot of things I can and resonate with you even with the depression my mom suffered a depression some trying to start a social enterprise to raise awareness so I wish I had more of me or more of you actually could you have so much more awareness to me that we could almost in the short amount of time that we have one in this bill would make such a positive difference and I mean even the hurricane Katrina that was big news over here in the U. K. is about that experience Dynegy spoken to somebody who's lived out means it's one thing seen on the television on and if you wouldn't mind because it's quite unique topic could you just maybe run through that area to what it was like in terms of how you're feeling and what you have to do I'll absolutely ads for me I moved actually I graduated from college in may of two thousand five I was attending a college in Louisiana New Orleans and I actually have an apartment in east New Orleans I received a job offer to move to Georgia and two weeks after I packed up my storage unit in just packed up probably a suitcase full of belongings intro to Atlanta Katrina hit all of my family and friends were still there the first thing I could think of in terms of just describe my my emotions was powerless I had a friend who was a nurse and %HESITATION one of the hospitals in the north the the uptown area of New Orleans she was trapped in the hole in the hospital %HESITATION I have family members who were trapped in the lower ninth ward I'm I remember being at work because I was working as a speech pathologist at the time I'm sitting in my office texting my friend who was a nurse in the hospital during apple after the hurricane that hit the levy said broke in the water it flooded the city her phone was literally the only phone on that floor her hospital they had no electricity no power I was texting her in telling her what was happening because they had no idea that the levy said broke they knew the hurricane hit they were out of power and she was in the hospital where a lot of people died because a lot of the hospital patients who did not have power for the the hospital equipment %HESITATION it was it was in a %HESITATION deal that I will never ever forget it taught me so much about just not taking things for granted I'm and also being okay with things being out of your control %HESITATION but but that particular situation with with Katrina let so much for me because I watch so many people lose so much more I lost physical possessions but I watched people that lost their whole community %HESITATION I had family members who lost neighbors who drowned one of my mother's childhood friends drowned in Katrina and she didn't find out until three months four months later %HESITATION his name popped up on the list and so %HESITATION that contribute to a lot of depression for her and she actually passed away two years after Katrina but the stress of that that situation and to watch even all these years later the posttraumatic stress that so many people in that city in in that region experienced and never still yet received support or have provided have been providing the type of %HESITATION mental health %HESITATION S. U. resources to help them with that you know I'm I'm very passion about trauma %HESITATION because it's something that is in the body the body you know there's a book out that I read about four five years ago called the body keeps the score and I think of that all the time with Katrina and terms or any natural disaster in the around the world when things are not provided for people to work through that trauma or when people are not educated on how trauma shows that up it impacts so much so for me that situation was it was a life changing for my entire family but for me to witness that %HESITATION for me to be in contact with people who are actually on the ground and did not have access to water or food in no idea what was happening it was it was literally just %HESITATION an out of out of body experience it really was the sun's up sees her flying and hope they listed as you have just heard that emotional story don't wait for %HESITATION catastrophe or disaster like hurricane Katrina to be grateful for the things that we do have fortunately I'd I have experience or the adversities are possible and want to hear from you he just makes me so much more grateful for the little things I have as well and even more so than already have you said something that was really powerful and it was being okay with the things being out of your control I know as simple as that sentence is I just feel that we will struggle with that yes and we'll have concerts you miss in the day and then I fix a motions on our behavior in the way we treat our friends and our families and it's something I'll definitely try to be more mindful of I think you to turn it previously it's about my furnace and the money keeps the school always is it's it's something not she heard about six months ago and it really makes sense to me and I've seen people who have been through trauma or who have been through hat similar to yourself and your body does take a toll because the physiology although we wanna see extending tenderly it's it's damage in a so I'm putting you on the spot here a little bit can be if you don't mind but no go ahead I can handle it customer you hundred much way so I could see myself should be fine but if you could just give say one tangible tape to somebody whether it is something as simple as just trying to be okay with things being out of your control just something of somebody experiences some level of adverse to a former in that moment what tip could you just help somebody with a tip that I can help someone with %HESITATION my biggest thing that with the teenagers that I work with is just self awareness %HESITATION body awareness of being more aware of what's going on inside of your body what he's feeling how how you breathing now what are you thinking of I %HESITATION I I truly believe that you know we it will manifest our thoughts and our body gives us feedback on everything that we transmit you know whether it's a verbal emotional energetic %HESITATION visual it's all we out process that we process it differently but to be just really self aware %HESITATION you know that is that is the most thing that I have learned in anger years of my life recently I haven't always been self aware maybe I have I did have a label for but just to be self aware yeah %HESITATION knowing yourself and and and being okay with that and then also but not not judging yourself in that in that same breath you know but just really knowing yourself and know having your boundaries %HESITATION being compassionate with yourself and we all have struggles we all have problems but not focusing on the problems as much I'm shifting your mindset that speak to that's that's a really big thing too but self awareness for me it is powerful it has worked at any age self awareness can be obtained it is not limited to you know in a certain stage of the journey that's a fantastic and so I need give us some gold information so thank you for the help and I hope it helps the land I really do it justice changed my life absolutely I think I'd so much value it one thing that I do try to do and as you said it reminded me to do it again was to be aware so I almost sat Lopez you were talking just to kind of control my breathing again proper breathing I then became self aware of my body so the sensation of my feet touching the floor in my hands resting on my thighs and little things that I think we go through life and we're almost so reactive that we we tend to forget all of that and then yeah something also so before which was not judging yourself and be compassionate with yourself and I'm probably hit the west for this because I will beat myself up over the most trivial things yet if my friends or my family what to do the same thing I would almost burned all run that showed a and sometimes I sing there I think what can I talk to myself the way that I took two of this and I think I would be living in a much better place I hope it makes no sense but I sometimes feel that we are our own worst enemies at times so I think the specified testing and we should all try to be calm and more self aware have you got any recommendations in terms of books %HESITATION courses Ole is it something that maybe you can offer the list this all my goodness there's so many books that I've read but again if there's one thing to read it but to actually and put it into practice and make it practical in your daily living %HESITATION at their at their %HESITATION I don't really know of any books that teach self awareness it it's something that that I have just more more psychology more psychology behind in anything I read a lot of self help books over the years but really understanding human behavior and psychology reading books about psychology has been tremendous for me I took psychology in college as a minor so I I had a lot of exposure to human development but now that I'm out of college I still continue to feed my brain with things to help me better understand sociology and psychology and and and human behavior I'm as I would like to say just searched anything was self awareness on the internet find people on social media who are interested in that look up hash tags about self awareness I talk about it a lot on my on my Instagram page %HESITATION I was I'm sorry go ahead no sorry I was just gonna say Kimberly or better yet follow you on your Instagram yes they yes I do I tap on it a lot in my on my my social media platform I really do because I don't think that people are a familiar with that term enough and %HESITATION again there they could somebody be eighty years old and not self aware it really is a way of being and so many people like you said %HESITATION are reactive we're just going to life to auto pilot if they're not really in tune with who they are and how they respond to the world and and being sent a lot of people have sensitivities %HESITATION anxiety is something that many people suffer with but anxiety is also triggered by a lot of sensitivity issues things in the environment you know some people are very sensitive to energy so it really makes a difference you know once you are aware of who you are and how you respond to your to life in the navigate from that space of level of understanding yourself this brilliant thank you thank you for sharing knowledge I think maybe this is more of an actual Jenny for this one they just simply picking up a book and hoping that's going to solve our problems I think it is definitely gonna require some level of daily work for this yes I'm using your own words here that you previously mentioned that you you kind of all over the place and in the things that you're doing could you kindly give us an insight into what a day in the life is like for you oh my goodness a day in the life will I wake up extremely early am I like to operate when the world where I am is still pretty quiet %HESITATION but I am constantly learning about different things %HESITATION I'm in I teach sex education that's what I do %HESITATION throughout the week %HESITATION with high school kids in the city where I live so I'm working on modules for the upcoming week I am going over questions that they ask a lot of them I give them a little box and I pass around the class I have a hundred and fifty kids this summer that according to my course date posted give questions to me anonymously and %HESITATION I'm not sure how it is there in London where you are but here in the United States sex education is not a U. eighty normalized curriculum or course in in public schools here and I'm really working on changing the conversation for that because we need it I see the feedback from the teens in the use here in the U. S. that they really want information they want %HESITATION information about how to protect themselves they want information about consent understanding that about %HESITATION this past week we did negotiation skills those are things life skills that will not of us ever ever really taught you know communication skills getting the foundation for that start early we both know communication skills are things that we have to evolve upon the route life but in the teenage years to have the opportunity to start learning communication skills and understanding with healthy and unhealthy relationships are and understand the carrot sticks of abusive relationships so I do that %HESITATION I still provide valuable insight to people who have children with special needs because that is still a passion of mine autism is still widely misunderstood autism is still very taboo and there are a lot of more holistic approach is to help kids with autism I worked in a program about four or five years ago in autism program in Virginia beach Virginia and it provided a lot of insight for me on how to approach with autism and and how to help them connect better with with people that are serving them in the school system serving them in the home and also about them when they get older me when they get older what are we what space that we have available for them what type of jobs are things that we have available in place for them so those are things that I'm working on %HESITATION I also do volunteer work I work in the nonprofit sector here I am helping to eliminate a lot of smoking environments where we are because the air pollution is is is pretty high where we are and %HESITATION we have a lot of places that still allows smoking in certain public areas where children are asked me is is a very high incident here in the area where I am so I'm involved in that I'm involved in a black chain chamber of commerce we are also educating the world about blockchain the things that are happening in that sector and how it's going to revolutionize things in in the world %HESITATION with with all of that so I'm all over the place while really just everywhere and you do all of this in the same twenty four hours is as all of us and you know what black Jane yeah blacks say this typically webinars %HESITATION we have webinars I can't always attend the meetings their meetings every day about blockchain throughout my city but I at the particular chamber that I'm in we do a lot of note similar to the Skype limits are popping if they have a meeting I try to find out you know what what they're working on it how I can contribute %HESITATION the sex ed courses go on during the day I only teach for about an hour and a half because the kids are in the summer program so I come in and provide them with the need in their lives and take questions and then I move on but I am busy and I home school my daughter so I do that too it I'm maximize my day but I mean it it just flows I mean I'm just so happy to be alive to be here so it it doesn't I never really get burned out I I have found a way to really just take it all in and and focus on things that I'm passionate about it because my intention behind everything is good %HESITATION it just flows it really does I love that I chill Olwen expend energy from may so it feels like you'll got so much let your inspiration this this self service the selfless yes you just giving out and most of it is probably because of the addresses of come in your life to make you feel so grateful have you always been that a Colleen generous personal how's life almost made you just appreciate everything you have to then go out and try to give more to the world %HESITATION you know I honestly I I think I've always been that way they had a lot to do with my parenting %HESITATION my parents did everything they could to keep me very grounded %HESITATION I I grew up in a in a it was a lot a lot and %HESITATION even though there were some things that occurred you know by parents or are not perfect but they they both do their very best to make sure that I stay grounded and date expose me to things where I was able to see that I was very blessed in the situation that I was in and they always made sure that I I remain humble %HESITATION so a really had to do with my parents in my eyes my parents again they they were great they have their own struggles but they truly %HESITATION embodied compassion and empathy in mice that my mother used to we will go to New Orleans they were children in the neighborhood who who who didn't have a lot of food and they're they're I don't know what their situations where because I was probably eight or nine years old I remember she would pack food for them and and give them food and and we would she was very passionate about the elderly community and senior senior citizens and she would spend time with them as he would take me with her and do all of those things so I grew up seeing it modeled in people in my life and so for me it was just natural it was part of being human I love it your mother sounds like an incredible lady she was housing and I gained some of those lessons that the compassion the empathy and stuff I have to be very grateful as well that that was instilled in me from my parents and this is probably one of the main things along with kindness to a one one day when I do have children T. just instilled in nothing that's a hell of a lot more important than some of the things we think are important growing up in life such as the results that you get on an exam for example who's got the best trade is what I mean that there's more important things compassion empathy or not so that's a beautiful on sat and just on not then what is your intrinsic and why you know what I do so much and I don't expect anything in return and so I think that has a lot to do with that I just I want to see people happy I want to see people for Phil and I want to see people doing what they love I at throughout my life I have observed so many people who are unhappy and who were not enjoying life and it has it's saddening sometimes to see that %HESITATION and then there it's comes from people who you know who have gone through a lot but just to be alive you know that's that's just enough you know is just enough %HESITATION I just don't take anything for granted %HESITATION at the I just don't we have a lovely I think your intent is is so truthful and honest and I'm not sure if it's something that maybe we would have to go through adversity to kind of gain that deception without clarity the fact that you want to see people happy you want to see for filled and seeing them do what they love that's literally how are you try to be I mean all I'm AT my Jenny I am still learning I love it so much from you just in the short amount of time that we had together so very grateful for that and I don't understand myself and I'm going to find a bit of a tangent here so excuse me but I see a lot of people especially on social media who pretends to have the intent that you have no I could feel it from you just right did you notice the second says that you've been through that your your because nobody who's not pure would go out there and selflessly wake up early met the most of the day to be trying to make an impact in so many different areas of life which she feels that she can make an impact but in social media today after that we're also in a society where people will on this mask and then they almost try and say the right things in order to gain fame more publicity %HESITATION more like a social media I mean really white it really dries my kids because I can see straight through somebody's intent but you touched on something that was brilliant and is that you don't burn I and I think when you come from a place of inspiration and you come from a place of just your passion you're not going to bed not because you any Jesus bureau I mean I don't have the science behind that to back it but I I believe that because I don't have to get better %HESITATION when I'm working for most of the I'm passionate about but I feel that when I work for an organizational something with my values and ethics don't align with it I struggle a struggle between ones so I think that's a great message that you gave in this podcast is for people just to be honest with themselves again it comes back to self awareness of a kind of come full circle here that in life sometimes people are saying the buzz words because I feel that's going to attract more likes and attention where is I'm just saying just be yourself there's nothing wrong if you don't want to change the world there's absolutely nothing wrong with that if your house and your content in your field in your life then by all means just live that life but don't try to be something that you're not because I'm said finding it's hard enough just be myself and try to figure myself I run and try to have a second personally so yeah a little bit of a run that but I just I just feel that you've you've gave so much and clarity and value dava been able to kind of connect the dots that hope you're made about since two years ago is now yes thank you and I I totally agree you can definitely feel it and %HESITATION you know I'm I'm not in the business of of being negative on other people but I don't like to see people being deceived you know that's a big thing for me and that is that is where I I I said the self awareness I talk about that with my teenagers about being manipulated as did you have to be so in tune with yourself where you can see it coming a mile away I said it's a different game in this world now you know there's a lot of illusions that pretend to be the truth and you have to be on top of that and you have to trust yourself and if something doesn't feel right if something doesn't resonate then then don't force IT don't you know try to make it make it feel good and or to go with the flow but you're right you fit you can sense that I I'm the same way in it if used to trigger me it really did but I feel that when you're not operating from a space of integrity or a space of intent eventually it catches up with you it always does it always does I think I'm realizing that I think people who are trying to go for the short term gains will events short term yeah yeah absolutely but what was incredible they can really was as you said manipulation I literally wrote that would die some I'm not trying so if you hit the nail on the head is Zaki with them my thought process and I see in a society where people are taking advantage of people could because one I see people who already at a disadvantage anyway through the because of the man dell in life and it just really upsets me that there's a but I did then trying to exploit these people and so by almost trying to sell people that they're missing a key ingredient for example so you you're having people setting courses for like two thousand pounds because if you really want to be successful you need this one thing so you need to come by my course and I'm just like Hey you could talk about it and I'm I'm trying to think that we need to let yourself is try to be more persuasive rod in trying to manipulate people but I think if people with self aware and use they got interested what you just said I think we definitely in a better place but yeah that's that's interesting thank you for that your welcome and just to add on that %HESITATION people prion in security and anytime that someone can make another person feel as if they are not enough then they open that door where they can say you're not enough here's what you need from me in order to you know and that I learned what I work in the nonprofit sector I'll I observe that a lot of people go into underserved communities and they would do the photo ops they will go when under the agenda that they were there to serve and to help but it was really just to for their own personal gain it was either for notoriety and the people in the community what will begin to not trust in a will go away and then we will try to provide information and resources they would say well how long you going to be here because most people come in they collect data from us and they leave and so I saw that in real world experience and then for to see it on the internet now on social media is so much easier for people everybody's looking for something and and they and then those who are preying on people they are out here doing it with with expectation of something in return whether it's money whether it's likes whether its followers but it's not coming from the space of I am here to to provide value for you I don't want anything from you and like you said the short term is a short term objective but is is the long term because I believe we're all interconnected if we can provide value for someone it's plants the seed that can alter their life life choices in their lifetime and they shouldn't require anything from someone else you know just the energy exchanges enough you know that's enough yeah can be this is this is exactly why I love this podcast on from from a sunfish perspective dot last three minutes not on twenty eight shows that's probably the best three minutes to all I've been fortunate to have heard maybe because it resonates with me on a personal level so you said something that and I I got a bit emotional and and the heads of my home stood up because he said people pray on security and I fill in the last twelve months somebody who I considered very close to me prior mind security from mind's eye you my shyness and it was almost led to believe that any of the success I have in the future was down to this one individual yes in hindsight when a simple thing can I think I've had to or that we can all I've got to overcome my fear is I've got to go and try to do public speaking and then embarrass myself because the words don't come out and I've got all those reps in those I was in those sleepless nights but there was a time when I wasn't as self aware %HESITATION realizing my own values always bring into the world and I didn't believe that it was all done to this one individual one it was incredible how the how they I suppose it was be manipulated I'm to be honest and only share this on not to kind of broadcast this as this individual I'm trying to book classes to people who may be going through the same situation because I now sit here and I I feel hurt and I feel pain that I feel that the individual has loss probably one of the most low people on the road and that's one thing that I would always try and be is is just a very loyal person to people even myself on this JWT person development six seven years I'm still landing everyday so am I on a selfish reason that really resonated with me massively and I hope it does for that for the laces are because I'm sure we're all going to be coming into contact with people who we generally think have our best intentions are hot but deep down and their intent is not as pule and %HESITATION and I I truly believe that is all comes down to your intent yes it does it does so thank you for that and I'm gonna just flipped the script nice so I want to ask you have you been through so much adversity and since so much in your incredible story and you could talk about this for days just a shame that you're on the other side of the road but what actually scares you in this moment what's your biggest fear you know to be honest I almost want to say I don't have any fears but I think for me there's a inner urgency just to make sure that I do everything that I can in terms of my mission here before I leave here and and I don't really know when that time will be but other than that I don't really have any fears and I'm not afraid of death I'm not afraid of failure I'm not afraid of of of is there a being embarrassed %HESITATION I've shared a lot of personal things on my Instagram page that most people probably would not share out of fear of judgment I'm not afraid of judgment I'm not really afraid of anything and I think that that's what my fuel is it's like no one can say anything that can really take me out of my space and it it just it empowers it empowers me that I don't have any really I don't really have any fears of anything I just I haven't always been this way though so now it has this has been a journey to get get this I used to be afraid of a lot you know but %HESITATION again I think the experiences that I've gone through have basically all of my fears that I had I had to face them so no thank you for sharing that thank you for mentioning that you wasn't always like this because I I think when somebody and hopefully people after this show will be the definite gravitate towards you for you that might just think that it's okay for Kimberly Camby's got it all figured out what people don't realize is everyone has a story and everyone becomes the way they are because of whatever is happening this previous chapters that's kind of one of the purposes behind the show and if I'm completely honest now you've got me intrigued because I'm I'm kicking myself that I did it do you more stalking into your personal is around is my own you know put my hands up because I think Instagram we look at it and we look at pretty pictures it is not attracted us in the face to the second record of I scored away so I'm very interested not to kind of go back into your posts and the whole the listeners do as well because I'm sure there's going to be a lot that we can all learn from not so %HESITATION definitely %HESITATION food for thought for myself thank you for that yeah I'll you're welcome yeah there's there's a ton of %HESITATION information I've been on Instagram since two thousand eleven and believe it or not the first three or four years of Instagram my page was totally private I I used to be a very private person and then %HESITATION one day something came to my mind and it said you you're gonna have a lot that you need to do and you're gonna have to reach a lot more people and opening your account is the only way be able to do it to know you with it you can that work and talk to people and really connect with other people and I just always been a very private person I'm totally on the different end of the spectrum now there's nothing that I won't share about my life for the most part I'm pretty much open but %HESITATION yeah there's a ton of information there and I hope we can provide some value for people anything kind of watch my journey along the way over these years %HESITATION as well thank you and that's the V. for thing about it and I feel not it should be Stephanie your G. eat to spread your light and spread your message as well so if I ever see you doing anything in private I'm gonna tell you off myself piston he make sure they put out into the road because yeah yeah lightning definitely okay can be rested on the part of the show now which I like to cool the from Polish %HESITATION where I'm gonna put you on the spot and ask you also as a way to win for questions so we're gonna start in three two one what did you eat for breakfast %HESITATION nothing yet okay your biggest gift the ability to communicate the ability to fly %HESITATION be visible fly would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button on life but many of fame that's not that's a tough one money or fame because both provide impact I wish I would have to say money because I could do things anonymously and still make an impact without the fame I don't want to sync your proudest moment becoming a mother your favorite food pineapple not fix the chief of man I used to pass down Kay your number one goal this year connect with more people that are international your favorite TV show ever you know what I was just talking about that yesterday I like Mister Rogers neighborhood there %HESITATION there's like great value in wisdom and that would you rather know how you would die or when you are done when your favorite hobby apple in books or movies books if you could sit with one person in the road for an hour who would it be your last I love to pick his brain US there is a child was actually something happened to my parents that was my worst fear and finally if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be I would abolish anything that would cause harm to children yeah I working with teenagers and knowing that a many of them are going through a lot or have been through a lot as a result of other people if I could if I could abolish any type of harm done to children because everything originates in childhood absolutely yeah thank you we are actually at the end right yeah brilliant okay so just a couple more questions can be from may and %HESITATION the next one I always like to ask my guess is about reflection so I'm a family even the whole inside is a wonderful thing in terms of it can teach just ways that we can get to places quick cash with less heartache Reza who all want to know is if you could knowing everything that you know knives go back to a time where maybe you will be and said no we're not clear way you we're going in life and whisper something in the younger Kim please yeah what would you say I would tell a younger Kimberly to trust herself yeah I would I would tell her to trust herself because there was a time when I would listen to what everyone else was saying my parents my friends and this is before social media so I can only imagine the at the feedback that people get now from strangers are from people that they don't now but to trust myself trust myself UPS is going to be okay everything's going to be okay love the love that thank you and sadly that she does bring us to the last question so if in a hundred fifty years time science vows to save us and all that exists is a book and this book it's about you it's about your life and all the way in a wonderful things that you've contributed to life and everything about you basically firstly what would the title of the book be and secondly what with the Blair but the back tell us about you the title would be everlasting touch mom and that the blurb on the back would have to be that S. the legacy is is is that compassion kindness connection %HESITATION embassy those and and love those are the things that that Kerry that that Kerry throughout human civil realization it's it's intrinsic of who we are it's it's wired in our DNA and %HESITATION and that's that's the touch that you know it goes through our address there are children it goes through us through people that we connect with I feel it through you and through and through the night you know it's it's the human value them up today how would you want to be remembered though as a person like what would you want the fasting that when somebody mentions your name that they say oh we can be yes she is sincere mmhm I think sincerity is something that people cannot imitate yeah or pretend sincerity sincerity hello love that thank you can release so %HESITATION so suddenly that she does bring this to the the end of the show is actually been one of my favorite shows and like I said this is a segment in here which really touch my heart and I've read so much just having this fifty minute conversation with you and I'll definitely show to kind of follow your Jenny but what I want to do is give the audience a chance to connect with you as well because I I think your fascinating %HESITATION individual I think you you bring so much so much good into the world nothing you can do so much more as well moving forward so if you wouldn't mind if you could just kind of give us the best places where people can perhaps reach out to you connect with you %HESITATION maybe just follow your Jenny sorry yes I am on Instagram as at Jackson K. ten I'd spell J. A. C. K. S. O. N. the number one zero and I also have another handle Instagram called you are the wealth that's also the name of one of my businesses and %HESITATION I have a pod my podcast this call you are the wealthy can find it on all the podcast platforms as well and yeah that that the you are the well this is something that I recently created because again the self awareness in the self worth is something that I believe needs to be cultivated and and everyone and %HESITATION damp that damn on Twitter is you are the well I'm not much on Facebook so you'll find me on Instagram or Twitter and then I have the podcast but but those are %HESITATION that that's enough for me I think I spread myself too thin the family absolutely absolutely nothing you doing at TI much anyway although I say I say that in a positive way because everything the duties of the fantastic so thank you thank you for sharing those can be all set order the information in the show notes so on how the actual links there for anyone that needs to click on it I want to once again from the ball my hot thank can be for a time today more importantly everyone a hold thanks for listening thank you and thank you for what you're doing as well it's much needed thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
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"Happiness abound" by Taylor Proctor #29
Tagline: "We are all capable of happiness abound"
What an incredible episode this was. If I am completely honest and share my own vulnerabilities with this particular interview, I feel I wasn't at my best. I felt Taylor touched on so many things that resonated with me and reminded me of how far I still have to go on my journey that it almost became a self realisation exercise. This then threw me off course as it may be noticeable in the episode, but what it didn't do was throw Taylor off who delivered incredible value. It is for reason I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to have connected with Taylor who I believe will truly teach you all something tangible and useful to take away in your lives.
I know for one, I will be implementing the CLEAR model myself to move my own personal development forward and I hope you can all do this too. She is an incredible woman, who also openly admits to not being this way her whole life and that it has been a process for her.
I genuinely believe the tangible steps and tips that Taylor shares just in this episode alone can make you all happier, and let's be honest who doesn't want more happiness in their life eh?
More importantly for anyone who can relate to the anger issues, perhaps this may also give you a huge insight in to why we are the way we are.
Some key discussion points:
- How to control your anger
- Self love
- CLEAR model
- Embracing the process
Remember whatever you are going through in life today, that you are 'not broken'. We can all heal, and we and grow as Taylor shows and shares in her beautiful story and also don't stop learning here. Go and support her and follow her podcast and journey in the links below:
Thanks for listening
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Website: https://www.happinessabound.com
YouTube Transcript:
welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode a fine your voice my name is art and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today Taylor proctor to the show and tell you is actually an experience podcasting fought she's had three hundred plus episodes so it's certainly recommend after this episode of course you go and check out her podcast but what really got me fascinated by Taylor this story into trying to get her on the show was that she teaches happiness but when I head out though well basically I would be happy also secondly wouldn't it be great if we can take the mind of somebody who does this for a living and then give that to you guys so you can walk away at least after this episode was something tangible is something that you can if you are feeling low or if you are in a situation where you are unable to control your emotions how some thing practical that you can utilize and that's what you want me in Taylor spoke about but more importantly I think you're gonna find her story very interesting because hopping this wasn't something that you would always associate with Taylor in fact it was anger and not without spoiling anything else I think this is probably a good time to jump over to the show okay fantastic so I just wanna start the show today then bye thank you my wonderful guest who's from the states her name is Taylor and we ought to just speaking just before I started this interview that was that you store can at full potential guest on Instagram and the thing that she stuck out for me from her by well was that she had the transformational happiness mental in her bio I'm not just got me thinking I thought you know what I need I need a bit of that and more point I'm sure so my listeners could or would do with a dose of happiness so that was kind of the reason I reached out to Taylor and I do thank you for taking time out of a day SO of seat time constraints it's the morning there so blessed issues first thing she's having to listen to is my voice this morning so thank you Taylor for coming on the show and how you doing today I'm doing fantastic thank you so much for having me on I'm so excited and honored and delighted to be here well you're very welcome and likewise I'm very excited to is off because as with anyone in the world I'm sure happiness is definitely one of the things that we will aim for it is one of my goals in life so hopefully by the end of this episode will be smiling and enjoy the rest of our days but before I carry on rumbling I really think it's important for the listeners in the audience to really get to know you a little bit so if you wouldn't mind if you could just kind of give us a bit of a history about your story and how you've kind of going through life I suppose to almost not become a transformational happiness mental absolutely so I was a very very angry person and I was the kind of person that there's there's a phrase a a group playing basketball and it was %HESITATION on my wall there was that the phrase it says hell hath no fury like five women on a fast break which is the basketball it was it was awesome and but when I look at this eight three angry time in my life which was in my early to mid twenties I it's the phrase hell hath no fury like Taylor minor league minor league inconvenienced because I would be I mean any small thing and I would just lose it I would be so %HESITATION three and there was a situation that really highlighted my need for emotional management where I and I sure the story to really truly highlight like the level of anger that lived in my life at the time I was on my way to a craft store and there was a parking spot available and I was patiently waiting like the person was backing out so I was patiently waiting I had my indicator on and it was just like the movies where the person pulls out and then someone else before they can even drive forward pulls into the spot and I was like this this just happen in real life like I've been waiting for like two minutes I've been indicating I've been waiting patiently the person's pulled out that's my spot and the entitlements the anger the aggression came through and I lost it I was screaming at the top of my lungs flipping them off honking my horn like crazy and I it like and they just stayed in the car rightfully so because there's this crazy angry person screaming at them and I there was the parking spot when around this corner and like so there is the way there is the pathway up the parking spot and then the main road kind of went around the corner of this parking spot and so I had to go around this main road so I'm honking at them and flipping them off for a good couple of more than a couple feet because I have to go around behind them around to the side of them and around in front of them to go back into the parking lot and it was it was a front row spot by the way it's I wasn't getting angry for something in the back right yeah who who who would do that also I I pulled around a parked in my spot clear clear down at the end and I'm walking forward and they pull out of the spot they didn't even get out of their car they didn't even go into the store and they pull out of the spot and they drive past me and they're a roll down the window and they say hope you're happy now and I was like like I had never in my life wished for I'm here in the states we have US seven elevens and they have what's called big gulps would you like I think they're thirty two ounce things of soda I don't drink soda I've never purchased one I have never in my life one one so bad to throw through that and so I was very very angry person about something that's really so minor and I go I go into the store and I everything just starts like swirling and I'm shaking because there are several things that happened right there is that initial anger that the trigger and then I felt scared because what if they had gotten another car well what I have done right what if what if when they're driving past me now I'm walking on on the parking lot they're driving past me where they just hit me with their great big SUV right so there's just there's this anger and then there's this fear that takes over me and then there's this this shame and guilt that hits me because it's like oh my gosh I'm not person I feel so out of control and I feel so guilty that I I just kinda lost it on the complete stranger that really probably didn't even see that I was waiting right yeah and and then there's the shame of I let my emotions gain control of like I I lost control of myself and just let my emotions run wild and it could have turned into a very dangerous situation and then I was like then sadness creep in because I don't even know who I am at that point man I can't you can't even recognize myself and so when I say I was an angry person it is no exaggeration and truthfully it's it's a %HESITATION in a space of I just was out of control I had no emotional management no no emotional awareness and something as much of a minor inconvenience of walking a couple extra feet from a parking stall several stalls down set me off and so at that point in amongst many others I decided that I need to start making a change so I started with just being aware of my emotions I started trying to really see where that anger in my life was coming from and for awhile there it was this Peter tauter if you well of anger and sheer and they would go back and forth because it would be I'd be so angry because that was my defense mechanism it wasn't it wasn't flight or freeze it was always fight and so when I was scared and I was scared of being vulnerable I was scared of being happy I was scared of being seen and so I would get into fight mode which would be anger so is this teeter totter of me always being angry always trying to fight the fear when in reality I just need to become aware of my of my possibilities and I need to realize that I wasn't broken because I looked around and I saw so many people who seem so happy and didn't have these this anger that I had or this fear or this anxiety that kind of was creeping in they didn't have these things that I could see and so then you know we grow up and were like oh you know everybody just everyone so happy and why am I not happy I'm broken so I started to feel like I was broken and there is something wrong with me and it wasn't until I started to really putting in the work and understanding that I'm not broken but we're also not just inherently happy and I think that's a big thing right we feel like we should be inherently happy and when when we're not we feel like we're broken and when we feel like we're broken we feel like we're lost and we feel like we're lost we fall into depressions we fall into despair we let our emotions control last so I started putting in the work and started realizing that I actually was capable of moving forward it capable of not being anger angry capable of not not being afraid of vulnerability and when that started to happen I started to gain confidence and realize that I was capable of having happiness abounds in my life and then that has become my mission and the name of my my business and my podcast is to remind people that they are capable of happiness abound self into state thank you so much for sharing that and you probably know is that through the %HESITATION was always resonates so much with your story to tell you that because one of the things I really dislike about myself is my inability to control my anger and I can be the most relaxed laid back person ever and I'm kind of sherry mobile nobody's now in this in this episode which was never the intention but I'd almost news and the thing you said about the broken bat I can resonate so much with that because and I look back at myself or look at the person in the mirror and I think that's not the best knower to be that's not the past now wake up every day and I try to be and I try to live my life the right way but in the state of frustration and aggression and I mean you mentioned a simple example they have a simple cost base I get those moments and I think you hit the nail on the head when you said entitlement not something to gain on you too obviously working myself with because I'm sure people listen to this will resonate as well my city the whole when you lose control and you sit back and then you have that feeling of shame as you mentioned it's not a great place to be in so thank you for asking for sharing that because the premise of the show was to tell people that whatever they going through in their life whatever Adventist useful because it is not alone and if I may ask have you got any quick on on no we could obviously speak about this for I was but just quick tips that you can recommend to somebody like myself or somebody else listed when you get into that state of frustration so for example after this episode if you go to seven eleven in your back pocket and somebody could see what what's your first reactions %HESITATION you'll method so there's a model called the clear model okay and it it stands for circumstance language emotion action and results I'll say that one more time please the it's the clear model and it stands for C. circumstance L. language E. emotion a action our results okay and an understanding of this model will change everything so essentially every circumstance in your life is neutral it's just a circumstance it's your language that you use speaking to yourself so your thoughts and your language that change it from a positive to a negative either way right and when we saw use the parking the parking style so the person stealing the spot neutral my idiot jump to my thoughts of and this is it specifically yeah I have been waiting I've been indicating that is my spot who is that are you take my spot and think that you can do this like those are all that that's the language I'm using and that's a language of entitlement that's a language of victim right and so that's that's sparks emotions because I feel like I'm the victim so I feel like I'm getting attacked I feel like something's not going my way therefore I'm getting afraid so that that sparked the language or the emotion of fear and the emotion of fear sparks for me because it's my template that I work through every day my next emotion of anger which then as I said it sparks the emotions of shame and guilt and sadness as well nobody likes to feel those so that continues to spark the emotion of anger to hide those so your circumstances neutral your language that you're using around the circumstance in your thoughts is what sparks the emotions the emotions spark action so I was angry so my action was is that I decided to drive my car around them and flip them off honk my horn be screaming at the top of my lungs and taking action that could trigger them and I think it kind of did because then when they came out they drove past me decide to go with me on a little bit more and then then the result of that was everything as I stood in this craft store everything kind of spinning around me as I felt this wave of emotions this guilt the shame and the real result was that this was a turning point that I need to change my life so understanding that the language we like if we go back up we crawl back up that tear the circumstances neutral is the language we have around it that shift everything else so if I go into a seven eleven this afternoon which is really funny it's it's a holiday here were recording on the fourth of July which is here an independence day and so it's totally American thing to go get a Slurpee %HESITATION but if I was to go do that and someone pulled into my spot ma'am my first thought might be seriously and then I go back through I go through the model and so I'm like can you change my thoughts and like you know what maybe they're in a rush maybe they're on their way to go do something %HESITATION and they need to to fill up on gas they need to go run in and pay for it first and I'm not in a hurry it's okay no big deal and that changes that changes everything because the next thing you know your emotions are okay cool well I'm not gonna let it ruin my day and there's a spot over there I'll just drive a little further and I could use the extra exercise and walking and that's great and so then the the actions of that is I walk a little extra maybe I smile at them when I as a walking past them as they walk out and my result is that my day is not ruined by somebody else's actions because like if I eat all the way back up the ladder controlled my thought absolutely honest Britain us this really well explained as well so it's quite easy to remember nine out and I was going to follow in that process and I can do a hundred percent see where I get lost in it as well I also can relate to your anger and fear I think and I think I'm very similar to you so even with the whole store in this podcast the anxiety when I'm in a situation where I'm struggling wrong vulnerable I don't have a freeze response or maybe I do but I never choose to use always have the flight response as well so just having not yeah pro says that you just expand on I'm definitely gonna use not myself and hopefully not feeling %HESITATION ashamed of myself when I lose my temper so thank you so much for sharing that and how long has this proces taking you to regain control of it because I I think I heard you say earlier that you do this every day is that right %HESITATION yes so I worked in the clear model every day I talk about happiness in my life every week day on my podcast so it's a daily ends but this process overall has taken me about five years to be able to get to a point where I'm like there it is like I got I got rear ended the other day and that's another situation where like I'm not expecting this to happen if I'm not emotionally managed in that moment things go south and I'd like to recommend I use a technique called decked declarations okay and I actually teach a course on it's available online on my site but I use declarations every single day to help me control the language that I'm using in my brain to then work that model so well it's taken me five years to fully grasp and understand and be able to change my patterns and my templates from instant anger and victim in entitlement thoughts to happy calm and dare I say grace right offering grace for other people as well as for myself right because that's part of that same thing that's part of that that feeling that guilt is you're like wow like I'm such a terrible person when you can try to give yourself grace through the language that you use understanding that now this is an opportunity for me to learn and to grow and I'm grateful for that and that can lead to grace for yourself which then also leads to grace for other people which also leads to being less angry at at situations that don't necessarily warrant it so I use declarations I'd be happy to share with you mine that you specifically when I got rear ended the other day yeah if you wouldn't mind please sure so my declaration is I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundant and filled with light and when I can say that when I can change my language to who I want to be it can the gate to the anger of who I used to be who I once was so when in the situation of getting rid ended I got rear ended pulled over and I was like oh my gosh like usually my first my first phrase is really yeah I'm like is this really happening right now and the like nope that's that's not who I want to be yeah I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundant filled with light I get out of the car and like Hey are you okay and the woman was was not she was okay but she was a little terse with me and seemed irritated that she rear ended me and my car was okay her car was okay like I'm okay she's okay and I'm like you know like that's fine like we we can just go our own ways and like she laughed and I that's a moment where in the past I would been mad that I got rear ended I would be really bad that it seemed like she had no remorse whatsoever but instead I'm like no I will I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundance and full of light if I'm if that's who I want to be especially in that instance there the full of light that doesn't mean I have very much space for anger and I can use that to transform my language to transfer my emotions to transfer my actions and to give me different results that's incredible he should be very very proud of your transformation and even just in this very short segment nine is giving me massive food for thought and hopefully people listed of just how we should try and at least work on ourselves to give ourselves grace I think that was a really important thing that you touched on so %HESITATION fantastic so you're probably are suppose just actually going back to the instance the womb was probably expecting a reaction from you and I suppose I think you have that as well when it's almost a shock factor when you're expecting someone dropped a set way and then they they handle it in a supposing you Taylor's way we just Grayson just happy to see you almost think it is personal right yeah absolutely because it's here's the thing it's so against the norm like I'm I'm just gonna say this right now like emotional management is nothing that we are taught and it's so against the norm that when we do see someone who is in a space of managing their emotions and in a space of positivity because of that then it wears us out like this is this is a call it out right it weird you out but then you also are like there's something there's something different about them and here's the thing we're all unique but sends a motional management is so outside the norm when you can be a person who is in control of their emotions and this is not saying I am positive and happy one thousand percent the time yeah I'm I'm a human negative emotions happen but I know how to manage and work through them so they don't control my life but when someone has that people are drawn to that opportunities come up that you would never have before jobs relationships this to speak on podcast like you and I found each other on social media we don't know each other personally here we are having a great conversation that is I was an angry bitter person you probably wouldn't have even %HESITATION file right told listens to some of your videos and I purchase in the decorations previously on one of your posts as well I'm not that fascinates me when this people who I can learn from and I think if I could learn something from them hi I hope my audience kind as well so I hundred percent agree but it's not the norm is a I mean I feel like we're in a society of just robots and you get the odd person like yourself you just fans are a little bit from everybody else and and to me especially I find that fascinating and %HESITATION I'm hoping now obviously myself through my Jenny I can try and express ways to help other people but I hope people that listen to you and for you after this episode as well can take on some of the lessons that you shed which %HESITATION which which are really really useful so thank you so much for sharing that thank you I'm just on that then so you've actually got quite an orthodox lie so I remember going to school and you either going to be a doctor an accountant or school some kind of profession I suppose you come out of %HESITATION college or university from you are not here as an entrepreneur you've got your own business you briefly mentioned that you've got courses on your website as well so what's a day like for you so I do have a sideline job as well so my day looks like this so I am currently participating in what's called the seventy five hard challenge so I'm participating in that so I wake up in the morning I do my vision board work and my declarations I a then feed my dogs I make breakfast for myself and then I read for the active ten pages of reading it day taking notes highlighting etcetera then I go back to my office and I journal and meditate put on my shoes take my dogs for a forty five minute walk outside come back get ready well I take about if I take about a fifteen minute nap and then I get rid I get ready and then I come to my podcast ideo which is actually my mess of a closet but it's great for sound dampening ands I record my podcasts record video at the same time then I upload that and then I drive to work at my day job where I am a marketing director I lied three teams and do that throughout the day then I come home and depending on the day that can be a breakdown of working on my business I also do one on one mentoring so working with clients of one on one depending on the day that they scheduled and then time with my my husband my spouse and then it's usually too bad so that's that's the day looks like it's feels pretty full when I've listed all out like that I really really enjoy it and I'll I honestly I love my life which is something that I couldn't have said five years ago mmhm I'm glad that you do and if if I may then so the last five years of observing good T. come we touch on a time limit vesti for yourself and maybe the lessons that you gain from that absolutely so about four years ago so I was still really angry it was not a great time I we had a family emergency both fall my husband and I mmhm and it resulted in my husband having to to travel and I essentially living alone for about a year and a half and in that still was able to communicate with my husband everything's great but in that was really my first time ever being really truly alone and I woods and maybe this this may or may not resonate for for your listeners depending on where their apps but this was what my it's really interesting so we just went through my daily routine is now let me tell you what my daily routine is was then so I would get up late I would kind of get ready I would go to I would go to work I would be miserable at work I would come home I would grab some food sit down on the couch turn on TV scroll through social media at the same time while I was eating and I would do that for about six hours the are you still watching or you know the continuous play auto play and I would say I would be eating that entire time I'd be scrolling on Facebook or Instagram Pinterest name the social media site I'd be doing that and I would stay up later than I probably should of and so then I would go to bed late and the cycle would continue and I did that for about nine months I gains twenty pounds I was a mess and I there's this there's these deals that they do it occurred the grocery stores here where they have the the Betty Crocker and it's very specific Betty Crocker Betty Crocker whipped vanilla buttercream frosting and again %HESITATION %HESITATION and they do they do ten for ten and so I would go to the store and I would get the ten for ten deal and not that I recommend this but it's very delicious when you put them in the freezer it's like ice cream that's amazing anyways I would I would do the ten for ten I put them in my freezer and every ten days I need to go re stock like I was eating a can of frosting a day like the sugar and the over eating and he social media scrolling and %HESITATION watching TV I was offering so hard for my emotions of loneliness and isolation and anxiety and fear of like what was going to happen and and all these things in my first time ever really truly truly being alone and that was a really really hard time and about nine months nine months into that year and a half something something switched and it's really funny because I couldn't identify it before and then I was being interviewed another podcast and this story came up in a different capacity and I realize what the trigger had been for me is that I I have a dog and I make I make jokes that this dog in particular I have two soulmates one as my husband and one is this dog like I I love this I love him so much and he was there with me and I took him to the backs for his annual and that was like %HESITATION she is really overweight it turns out that well I was gaining twenty pounds she right yeah she gains twenty pounds and so it was like okay we got like I love this dog more than more than myself at this point and I we need to get some stuff together so we started doing agility and I was like I this was in October and around November I was like TV is a problem for me I am majorly addicted so I'm gonna do I correct crafted my own challenge of no Netflix November a lot that I highly recommend it it's really hard in November because that's when all the good shows go out but I did know Netflix November and it changed everything because I realize I was book ending my routines with I would come home turn on the TV eat for hours do social media for hours watch TV for hours and that was the trigger that kept me in the cycle when I stop watching TV holy smokes the free time I had and I realize I wasn't hungry for dinner I wasn't hungry for frosting I wasn't hungry well I was trying to buy for my emotions and I found I didn't scroll on social media as much either I started going out and doing things I started reading more I started doing all these things that TV took that time and was essentially keeping me down and just because I was relying on it to help me by for my emotions instead of being aware of them and sitting in them so well I had done the work for anger I had figured out the work for loneliness and for fear and for sadness and for missing my old life and prior to this incident and so after that nine months in that jump start of being like I need to I need to get it in gear not only for me but for this dog that I absolutely love things started to change and that's when that's when my life as you said the it was really like the four years but I wrap it up in a five year time for because the anger thing did happen before but when you say the five years have been have obviously been good to me no stuff that happens but I just decided not to let it control me yeah yeah this powerful I would say the thing that I've learned the most out of that experience is that well really it's the clear model right every situation is your role as the thoughts that we have that lead to the emotions that lead to the actions that give us the results absolutely I think I am at Mylan I'm not sure if you're aware of him is awfully says life doesn't happen to you happens for you and that's kind of like a summary of basically what you expend a yours is a lot more concise and something a bit more practical that we can all use but just in relation to the story I mean it's fantastic because I just wanna thank you for sharing that vulnerability there about about your life and how you the truth of what was actually like and even now you're still saying not everyday is perfect because it's difficult when people after the show will come and kick on your profile and though he you speaking on your Instagram live videos and looking at your post it's difficult to think is this the same person because the transformation just trying to picture what you would like to just sit in there on Netflix to wait person that you are not an Aston credible and that's kind of what they should show a gain it is about so %HESITATION you're in such a great place that it's gonna be difficult for people to connect the dots of the it's not really the same Taylor that was on the episodes it is exciting for me because I'm I literally thought there are some people out there who are consistently happy all the time but then I will I'm starting to think what's this story because I do believe that everyone has a story and there's always something that's happened in their life in order to kind of change that perception I suppose and I guess yours was just your dog at the start having something that you cared for more than yourself to kind of bring you out of that rut %HESITATION and hopefully now it's more about yourself and helping other people and you won't need to focus externally and more so just try to focus on yourself one hundred percent I attended a conference last week and they had everybody right like their their top three the top three things that they they spend their time on and that they that they love and they're like okay how many people said family now raise their hand how many people said said spouse raise their hand and they were like now how many of you said yourself yeah and there were three of us in the room out of the room of a hundred and this is a room of a hundred people who are self help absolutely a very technical term their self help me but what use that one yeah there was there was three of us and it was number one on my list like it was the first thing I wrote down of what do I care about who do I care about what do I love what is a priority in my life and I would really challenge us like if yes my dog was it a key indicator that on the loneliness part and the over eating in the emotional buffering but still it came down to myself on the anger in the originals thing and I think we've been styled societally coached if you will that looking out looking out for your self is selfish but the thing is is that your life like you are your own best friend you are in your head all the time your body is with you one hundred percent of the time so if you are not looking out for yourself and I mean that in the most positive way absolutely right if you're not aware of your emotions if you're not looking at your routines and going okay I go to work I come home I watch TV I eat I scroll I go to bed that is my life every single day do I want more you have to like do I want more and then taking the steps to do that and being okay with that back nagging feeling that this might be selfish and at that point you use your declarations who do I want to be well I want to be an intuitive mentor whose vibrant abundant and full of light I have to become that person nobody else is gonna become that person for me so I need to focus on myself and have that that quote unquote selfishness it is so powerful enough in the way that you just said it would there was it was so beautiful and white with you now I think we should go out to challenge ourselves to kind of love ourselves faced %HESITATION and and it's it's weird because a bit of a personal story about going to drive it too much but my mom suffered with them quite depression she still does for about eight years and as he was saying that she was a fence posts that come into my head because her whole life is predicated on serving the people it always has been and it probably always will be less of a second almost challenger to kind of voice office and as much as me or my siblings or family and friends kind of tell eight you need to start looking after yourself and start to fill up your cook fast it just never seems to be her priority and it's always let me do this for someone so let's let me do this for this person I don't know it just it just resonated so much with me the odd I genuinely believe that she prioritize their life as she had even more to give because she's a very selfish person anyway nothing especially if we're giving people we have a call I nature we feel that we should always give I kind of feel of the people's Cup so fast but you just hit the nail on the head there one of the key things of your need to try and do as we go through this journey of life and trying to figure out what we actually have four is is to work on ourselves phase so this really hit me I like I said Tyler this is this is an incredible episode for me on a selfish level because I feel like I'm getting mastermind coaching from an expat half to may be happy so thank you so much a gate it's you were entering lawful and actually I wanna and I don't mean this in a in a bragging sense but I do want to ask you because you said this so am I providing value to you in this discussion one hundred percent if I had not focused on myself no I would not be sitting here talking to you being able to provide that value to you now city absolutely so really I love that you brought that up about about your mother or it really can be about anybody it's way easier to focus on everyone else then the focus on ourselves but you are spot on we cannot give to others and last we are comfortable and loving and supporting ourselves first spread I'll only get on then to another question I always like to ask people what show current biggest fear not stagnation K. I and it's not a matter of always be moving right there's there's another type of emotional buffering which is busy and it's not like that it's it's stagnation in the sense of I believe we're we're gonna go deep here for second I I believe my personal purpose is to learn and to grow I believe that's my internal purpose my external purpose is to be able to share with other people and reminded them that they are capable of happiness about so I have two purposes one is my internal and that directly correlates to my external but I my internal is I believe I am here on this earth to learn and grow as much as I can so my biggest fear is stagnation because if I am stagnant and I'm not learning and growing I'm not living my purpose absolutely so bring it on send this one a gain the I resonate with but looking at this five years ago I mean you would've been in a completely different state even myself I mean I feel like I do a lot of self development I do a lot of waking up myself I tried but this is been something unique to myself because maybe it's because of the I'm getting that we touched on at the beginning and not gain a hope as people listen to this you probably got the same kind of situation is me because on the outside a might always seem like I have my composure about me but there's a lot of things that I do need to work on my %HESITATION myself is also yeah that's that's the grants and I'm I'm sure that this happened is about and movement that you're craving %HESITATION will continue to expand I'm just on the actually then if you if you wouldn't mind so we muzzle but in not just before we go to the fun part of the show if people want to do the work with you all to learn more about yourself and more about this happened is a binding how would they be able to connect with you sure so I have a website happiness abounds dot com and I should be very clear it's happiness abound singular not abounds %HESITATION so happiness abound dot com and that has links to all of my social but you can find me on Facebook at happiness abound blog and Instagram at happiness underscore abound I also I'm on YouTube IG TV so and then the podcast is on most major listening podcast platforms so if you to search happiness abound I usually come up and video or audio options and then on my site you can also check out my courses that are available online and yes I do do one on one mentoring and would love to work with someone who maybe is struggling with anger and wants to be happier absolutely absolutely I mean he doesn't want to be happy SO and we are not on that no actually gonna go into the phone part of the show so this is something that you have no idea what's going to happen I'm ready okay fantastic we're gonna start in three two one okay what did you eat for breakfast a shake your biggest gift my biggest gift for myself as my drive if you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine what would it be less naps I love nap the ability to fly %HESITATION be invisible fly would you rather have a re one button or many of fame money because you can make more of an impact with money and that could lead to fame absolutely your proudest moment cool we come back to that one yes show your favorite food oranges not fix the chief the colonel the answer the answer is neither okay they're they're both rabbit holes of addiction for me so I try to stay away okay your number one goal this year my number one goal this year is to have a month where I have ten thousand downloads of my podcast your favorite TV show ever I really like mash would you rather know how you would die when you were dying when your favorite hobby talking about happiness love among the love book so me these thanks if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour who would it be Oprah you wish there as a child being stolen your favorite place in the world redwood forests in California equal languages we'll be able to speak to animals speak to animals if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be self hate it's the root cause of everything and finally we're gonna go back to the question that you passed on your proudest moment that one okay my proudest moment I have I have lots this is not a choice of like %HESITATION what should I choose like or I don't have any it's like there's so many I because I do try to recognize these moments of my life I think my proudest moment to date is that I I had that I wanted to become a I a life coach in the back of my mind for really really really long time and part of that was I wanted to take a course reiki to become certified and they're expensive and so one of the proudest moments is kind of a a two for one I was attending a conference that I highly respect and I was like man I would love to do their coaching program and get certified and I just passed the paper along because I'd affordability and we had just paid off a huge amount of down our credit cards and my husband was with me and he's never at conferences with me like this was his first one and we go to lunch and he's like so how can you turn that how can you just pass the papers down as like all we can afford I can't afford we have a separate budget like personally that we have a family budget I like I can't afford it and he's like we can and we can do it in cash as we head off all of our debt and I was like what we can and he's like yes and we should then you should you need to I know this is something you really wanted and so we like rushed back from lunch I signed up so that was a really proud moment but then then the work comes in and and it was very intensive and I think my proudest moment as when I finished because it was a very it was it was a large group of people I think it was like seventy five in the main group and then we had the segmented off into smaller groups to do it was daily phone calls daily homework we had to create this entire binder thing I had to mentor ten individuals a minimum of three times and put them through a mentoring program to become certified in this three month period he was very intensive and of my small group where there were six of us talking every day only two of us actually finished and so I am really proud to you should be a certified transformational happiness mentor and so my proudest my proudest moment her proudest memory today is is getting that certification and having that dream had been in the back of my mind for years finally country western testing you should be proud and when you say that dream was in the back of your mind for ages how long are we talking I mean how's saving others so being able to influence people in a positive way it's been at the back of your mind situate child or was it something that we see as you were going through your own transformation you thought I would love for other people to feel this way actually it was neither I when I was a child I had a myriad of like I will be doing a lot of different things and it's really funny because today I do a lot of different things but I it wasn't after my journey either it was actually before okay and I was listening to a Tony Robbins CD and I don't remember what he asked I just remember I was by myself it was late at night I was listening to it and I think he has something like what do you want to do and I was like I wanna be it a coach I want to help people and I start falling and because it just felt so right and like I can actually do that which when we have dreams and things like I want to do that and at the time I was not emotionally managed I was a mess and it felt so far away but it felt so right that I just was overcome by like tears of joy and so a lot of those trials and things have helped me become who I am today so that I can help people put it in the back of my mind and I had I had started like a blog and stop and start and stop and start and stop because I felt like it had to be this perfect story yeah elle of of beginning middle and end and now I'm happy and that just contributed even more to my thought that I had to be inherently happy because I would listen to other podcasts and people would have a beginning middle and end and now they're happy and I'd like I can't even see an end in sight like I must be broke and I must be wrong something's not right with me and so any time I started to try and move in that direction of this goal I would stop myself because I wasn't perfect and the perfectionism really hit hard and so through the emotional management and all those things and then the grace that tends to come with that that really helped with my perfectionism and I actually started my podcast before I became certified and I feel like that had a lot to do with it because when I started my podcast I was like I was going to one a month and start slow and then the pressure that every hit recovering perfectionist here every hit had to be a home run there's only one a month yeah right and I'd be worn out and burned out on it because of all the emotional stress of it had to be perfect and I discovered that the thing that would work for me is if I could talk about it every day because then I could share my journey in real time and and show that I'm a real person struggling with this and you might be struggling with the two and here's what I'm going to try or here's what I was struggling with yesterday and here's what I what I tried and it works for me maybe it can work for you and getting over that perfectionist mentality in the podcast I really believe set me up to be able to become certified and help other people see that as well and I had to go through that journey before I could ever have just felt like yeah I can be a coach right so yeah it was in the back of my mind before all the work happens but I would not when you asked like rewind or pause I would not change anything in my life up today I would love to pause and be more in the moment and enjoy where I'm at now yeah yeah all this again so many things I can probably relate to on that so I used to with perfection is a bunch of ana until recently when I realized that she was perfection %HESITATION being a perfectionist that was the cause of all my procrastination I mean don't get anything done so %HESITATION even the one thing that I really enjoyed as a child was me because the system would sit there with an old cassette player which had a microphone attached to the side of it and we would record radio shows pretty much all day after school and I just enjoy speaking on a radio show and then somewhere from my teens to all the way through my twenties and saw you kind of can see my life and I really struggle in terms of getting out there and I became a real introvert and it's only in totally true this yet as we mentioned before we start this part as well so you know this part custom thing I'm just gonna try it and what what's the worst that could happen this doctor pepper it basically and %HESITATION I I've enjoyed it so much as it's been a JD I'm so people can listen to my first episode and realize that I am a lot more Davis then published today I mean I'm still nervous today but I think that vulnerability one that you're showing on your daily podcasts and why I hope people can see from my part because he's a whenever gonna be perfect and the whole process that's with a view you lie so I enjoy connecting with people I would never normally see walking down the road like yourself I mean this is a conversational enjoyed it so much is and I would never have had this opportunity if I hadn't of just bit the bullet and just come for it so I definitely age people whenever is in life that they want to do is just to kind of just try it because if you're anything like me I love a try and if I could see someone trying always I was trying to reform is I don't think that will retreat for you as well yeah that's just my little of inspiration off it to this podcast I completely agree I think I think that two things progress over perfection and then there is power and beauty in slow progress because part of the reason that we give up or like once we do start then we stop is because we feel like it's not happening fast enough but the power in the beauty that can come to you through that slower progress is everything I should just ask you to say because I'm their billing on and you said it so eloquently sub now %HESITATION yours was you were fantastic I was very I was very inspired also why I was being a little like I totally agree thank you okay but is so we're actually almost at the end of the show and I suddenly I and the just a few things I want to ask you before we close the show tell if that's okay and the next question is about reflection and always feel it's important that we speak about this because this is where the lessons I learned so I'm I'm a family even a hindsight teaches us a lot of things you can do just ways that we can get to places quicker easier with less heartache so what I want to know is knowing everything that you know if you could go back to a younger Taylor and whisper something into it yeah maybe do in a circumstance where she's may be feeling vulnerable %HESITATION just unsure of what she's going in life what would you say I would say you are capable of happiness abound because I I felt like I wasn't I felt like I was broken like I was wrong and I felt like I wasn't capable of happiness in my life and now I know that I am definitely a yeah and can I just ask the feeling that you said that you felt like you were broken was that your own feelings or was that an external influence as well %HESITATION hybrids okay right you you see other people that look like they have it all together and when you don't you feel like there's something wrong with you you see and constantly here like you should be happy or that happiness is the ultimate goal so when you're not and you're not viewing your life that you're human you're gonna have negative emotions in you just do it that your broken instead you don't feel like you're you don't feel like you're capable and I think that's a big a big thing and I teach this to the people I I mentor and I call a my clients because until you can feel like you are like you have to do some of the work to feel like you're capable and when you feel like you're capable you gain confidence and when you gain confidence you feel qualified and when you feel qualified you can conquer the world city I left a message thank you and that she's going to bring this to the last question nine which is something I gain I ask all of my guests which is if in a hundred and fifty years science has to save us someone no longer here and all that exists is a book and this book is about you Taylor and it's got all the way in a wonderful things that you've done in life and basically your whole story what would the bled the summary at the back of it how the pace and looking to pick that up and what with the title of the book she discovered she was capable of happiness abounds and reminded others they were capable of it too is the blurb and the title would probably be happiness about nice is simple I love it this powerful thank you so much for sharing that and we have already done the the social media plugs for yourself but I would definitely as people to father tied up on his social media platform a gain all I will definitely be doing that a bit more myself we just realized actually before this podcast that you have a podcast Televisa anywhere else that people can contact you or is Instagram probably the best place and your website I yeah Instagram in my website are probably the best website is the easiest because it has links to everywhere else so you can find me on multiple spaces ends yeah be sure to reach out I would love to hear from you thank you Taylor and for everyone else at home thanks for listening thank you that was really fun and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
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"Think Carefully" by Pete Sanga #28
Tagline: "How cancer and thoughts can change your world for the better"
It is almost like we wait for something bad to happen to wake us up. For us to really take life serious and realise each day we lose, we will never gain again. Each second we spend not being grateful, happy or fulfilled is a second wasted. Yet when something bad happens, we can sometimes have a realisation that life is important, precious and beautiful.
Pete Sanga shares his story of how cancer and controlling his thoughts has massively changed his life and future. He speaks of tangible tips we can all use and incorporate to live a life of happiness, gratitude and fulfilment without having to go through cancer like he did.
A truly remarkable individual who gave off a beautiful energy and had an infectious aura about him. Someone much wiser than me with experience I was grateful to have received.
Some key discussion points:
- Cancer being a gift
- The importance of your thoughts.
- How to change your thoughts.
- Practical positive daily routines.
- Understanding that we control more of our life than we think.
- Age is nothing but a number.
I urge you to listen to this all the way through and implement some practical steps and tips that you can do for FREE in 10 minutes or less a day to really help you move forward in your life. These tips and tricks aren't just for cancer survivors, or people who have overcome adversity. They can and should be important practices we all take on in our life to truly make the most of this short amount of time we have on this earth.
Let's all start to find our voice today and write our own stories.
Let's leave our mark on this earth before it's too late.
Remember tomorrow never comes.
Thanks for listening
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pete.sanga
YouTube transcript
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren Deu a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren Deu what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of fine your voice my
name is Aaron and as always I am the
host of the show so sitting here
thinking before I released this podcast
why is it that we always need something
bad to happen in our lives for us to
appreciate the good things or even the
smaller things the more beautiful things
that we often take for granted and maybe
this is just a human trait but it's
something that I'm trying to get through
in this movement I find your voice is
that I want you guys to start living
right now and I want you to find
something that fulfills you I want you
to be happy I want to live in gratitude
you see I put these stories out here for
you guys to listen to not to make you
feel miserable or to feel sad or start
to cry I put these stories out there to
show you how lucky you are you see we
are all very blessed and we're all very
lucky if we choose to see it that way
you see living in a moment of gratitude
is fantastic but living a day a week a
month a year in fact your whole life in
gratitude that's just so much better and
what I want you guys to do is to start
to take on these tips that we've
mentioned in this episode coming forward
but then go back and listen to the
people on this show who have shared
their story so bravely and so openly and
honestly and think about how your life
is maybe better than their life in terms
of you haven't had to suffer with cancer
you haven't had to suffer with blindness
you haven't had to be homeless for
example and then really start to look in
your own life and start to live with
gratitude because that is the key you
see we're all chasing happiness
happiness is a number
one goal and it should be the number one
goal for all of us and through that we
chase fulfilment as well and if you can
get those two in line then you're gonna
have a fantastic life but what I don't
want you to do is to wait until
something bad happens I don't want you
to have to experience cancer like our
guest today shares his experience and it
was actually cancer that actually gave
him his life back in almost now you
could see it he's loving his life and he
openly admits it as well
in this episode that it was cancer that
really made him start to live again but
I don't want none of us listening to
this show to have to go through cancer
in order to start living because we can
do it right now we can all go out there
and find our voice and really try and
start to write our own story so
hopefully you guys enjoyed this episode
it was fantastic for me because it did
exceed my expectations and if you do get
a chance please do hit us up on social
media as well we are quite active and
don't forget if you get a chance as well
please do share it with somebody else as
well
to maybe inspire and motivate them to go
out there and find their voice so
without further ado let's get this
interview on the way I'd like to start
this show by welcoming Pete to the show
and I want to thank Pete for taking time
out of his day today to come and share
his story so Pete thank you for coming
on to the show you know I'll come take
you things like him and you're very
welcome and really appreciate it I think
it's going to be useful for their
audience to get to know a bit about
yourself
so if you wouldn't mind if you can kind
of give us like a summary take as long
as you need in relation to the life of
Pete for example tell us some of your
ups tell us some of your dance and then
basically what brings you here today
perfect no problem and hi audience
I'm glad you listen it is and well why
you sort of story is I'm not a
multi-millionaire or anything like that
far from it but I live a very
comfortable life and it hasn't always
been like that
I mean I'm 53 years old so you can
imagine when my upbringing from my
parents how that was in a very strict
upbringing we was always sort of
monitored by our pens back in game days
with the early days of very few Asian
community in the UK and they had to sort
of build their reputation so we resorted
very close community
we have been declawed close community
parents always took hold of what you had
to do days basically sort of had your
life for yourselves in mahjong days and
I was kind of rebellious with my dad
because always always one that wanted to
do my own thing the way I want to but
course you have to have respect for your
parents and sort of listen to them as
well
so I as I said Oh print being invade
it's a tight community Asian community
and as a site to sort of get older and
going to school into sort of sixteen
seventeen this is where I sort of
started to understand that you know I
don't want to follow the footsteps of my
parents and Adorno follow the footsteps
of my brothers and sisters and Gaurav
University or anything like that I
didn't want to be stuck behind a desk
when that's what my parents wanted to be
I was more inclined to sort of looking
to I used to see it market and I think
wow I want to do that I don't want to do
that and you know that's how my thoughts
were and so as I got to about 16 17 I
started kind of rebelled against what my
parents wanted and but again same thing
you know you have to have some element
of respect for your pen so I still
followed them and I'll put till the ages
sort of 21 ish when I got married and
and we then brought her family business
and and again we started working in the
family business but it's not something
that I wanted it wasn't for me so even
though I worked in there and putting the
hours as long with my with my brothers
and it's not something that I wanted to
do and what really changed my mind
or changed me was when I became ill when
it was about round about 25 and at that
time I had two children and one of them
here and well two boys and I had contact
and sort of that's where that's what
really changed my perspective about life
and because when you fall into I mean oh
no people about cancer and they've cured
and they've come every but the initial
shock of that was like wow you know I
mean I remember sitting on the stage
with my wife and I'm telling my wife and
I'm sitting there crying my eyes out
thinking and your whole life goes by
here and especially when things like
that I mean nowadays you know they so
many curious for so many diseases but
when you're looking when you're going
back 20 odd years there was there wasn't
as many curious so you know you have
this flashback of your life and you
think wow I'm not gonna be here what's
my kids gonna do and all these thoughts
start to run through your head and you
know and I remember sitting under stairs
and said crying I like that and what dad
came in and he looked at this and he
went there what's the matter what you
crying for and at all my dad okay my hog
and even though and he was sort of
strong I could see sense that he it was
one of them things like wow you know
this is happening to my son and saying
you ever went through a treatment and
chemotherapy and he was in and out of
hospital I lost a lot of weight and I
you know sort of kind of lost confidence
as well because I was what I would say
was a greatly confident person but I was
quite confident in myself and I've lost
all my confidence as well and my sister
she gave me a book which was there your
guardian angels and as a while I was in
hospital I started to read this guide in
angels thinking what's this about you
know guardian angels and you just
totally changed my life in the sense of
we've just read good just reading the
book I thought wow this is there such
thing as this guardian angel is there
such thing as a spiritual world and
that's why where my spirituality came
out and from there you should have sort
of started to progress and as I came
once I was out of hospital and had done
my chemotherapy and fetal healthy I knew
that I had to do my own thing my own way
and I wanted to be and how I can
progress it wasn't always easy because
you always you have this and how pretty
you have this education or you have this
your your upbringing embedded into you
you see so then they're deep into your
subconscious mind so they always
flop back out and you start to think
well should I should I or shouldn't I
but I know I wanted to move away from
the family and do my own thing and which
is sort of what I started to do gonna
just pause for a bit or we can jump in
there so there are a couple of things in
relation to that so you always knew from
a very young age you mentioned like from
1617 you were you're probably different
to your siblings yeah you want to do
something different and I kind of I
could resonate with that myself so I was
forced in inverted commas to kind of go
through the academic route because I was
very I could pick up things very quickly
yeah I didn't want to do any of that
it was never my interest I always want
to kind of go against the grain I want
to be a boxer I wanted to do you cry I
want to do all the stuff I said on
television but he has different stuff
and there was an element that I suppose
somewhere along the line I kind of
resented the decisions and I was having
to like make my parents happy rather
make myself happy fortunately for me I
didn't have to experience kind sir in
order to really be like okay now I need
to just do what's done for me and it
kind of seems like cancer was your kind
of wake-up call a mass of thing
do you know what I have to look after
myself yeah and put myself first and it
was it's quite emotional for me just
thinking about that moment when you're
sitting on the stairs and you and you're
telling your family is stuff I just
thought this is just giving you a book
about the guardian angel and stuff I
think that's come probably a good time
because I absolutely did you agree that
if that come it should give you that
book yeah we'll probably thought once it
changes your perception of do you know
change started to change the way I'll
think and I need all honesty when I
start to read the book and I started to
sort of understand each chapter one at a
time I thought wow you know this is
amazing can this really be possible
could you elaborate on something from
that or something that you maybe do now
yeah of course yeah and so what I've
learnt from that book was of course it
started to open other doors and other
avenues in Lord of Attraction as as
people know it I don't know there's a
lot of it back now whereas when we was
younger it was it wasn't it wasn't about
what he's still about but we wasn't
aware of him but he's a lot more about
of it often now so and then you know I
don't know thousands if not millions of
people's heard of the secret and so then
that
book came into my hands and it was it
just happened to be that I went onto a
course and which is an angel course and
his spiritual core so as I went there
and this is the lady that was conducting
it her name was Angela so and she told
us about this secret and the secret
website so I wrote it down
suza go home was sort of jumped on the
website got the thing he got the DVD
because there's gotta be something
indecent what's what's so good about
this or anyway are played it and then
what made my two boys what it sat there
watching me and I was totally sort of
enclosed in this secret because that
what they were saying is your thoughts
become your reality this was for me it
was like a turning point because I
thought wow if that was the case and wow
I can create anything the one was with
the kids they were still young there
wasn't sort of so much interested in it
and so that's where he progressed from
so now you know I have a special routine
in the morning and a follow every day
and it's all due to this I guess I can
call it positive thing times Olivia and
it's all due to these positive thinking
and you know when you start to think in
a certain way certain doors will start
to open for you
but you have to trust in your way of
thinking and you have to trust in
yourself even though all throughout life
and even in today's day and age and how
fast forward we have become even today
you still have their thoughts you still
have to battle with your own mind
believe it or not and with your negative
thought you know you're constantly
fighting against them and like I said to
you know before we started you know you
have a thought you sort of you sort of
have a negative thought if you like and
before you know it your negative
thoughts your your conscious mind
starting tell you something and before
you know you're not that's spiraled into
your hair before blonde conversations
with yourself you know you're sitting in
your car and you're home or whatever and
you're talking to yourself and you're
having this complex it's conversation
with yourself and you're sort of
fighting with yourself you know one
voice against another and I don't know
if that makes sense you know you sort of
fighting with yourself and you really
have to start to understand your thought
and that's one of the things
learn to do is understand my thoughts
and when I'm having a thought like that
I instantly think to myself okay this is
this is the right thought no it's not
and I'll stop put a stop to the Thornton
right away because you are in control of
your own thinking nobody else controls
it for you so you know what you are
thinking so if you start to realize that
you was thinking something that's hasn't
even happened you can stop that thought
right away when you stop it do you
replace it with something or replace it
yeah you have to replace it with
something positive say for example if
you're having an emotional thought let's
just say something bad happened you know
you you're on your way you've got a
parking ticket or you or something like
that you don that's a negative thing and
the first thing you do when you get a
parking tickets in your effing and
blinding station and and you know and
you know then that you know be from that
anger anything of blinding thinking that
you know it starts to escalate so if you
right away realize all and this is this
is not right it you know what's what
could be good about there having a
parking ticket and then think of
something that these positive factors
are negative so when you start to think
of something positive I'm an 18 it could
well be this you might have had a
parking ticket you might have grabbed a
parking ticket God to speak today
conductor or whatever I'm bumped into
somebody who you spontaneously you know
bumped into somebody who is we put your
right you know you and you might have
you know anything could have happened
with those gratitude in having a car
absolutely yeah yeah anything you know
anything but as long as you sort of
realize that you're having this negative
thought and without letting this spun
out of control with hundreds of other
thoughts stop it right away stop it and
change you to find a positive in that
negative like I said it could be that
you've got you could be grateful to you
you've got him you come to meet make a
meeting absolutely if that you know he
was worried about your parking ticket
then you might not have gone on to that
meeting and gain something
okay knowledge or whatever it is you
know so if there's always a positive in
a negative and that's what you have to
sort of learn to do it's not the easiest
thing in the world who is there but with
practice it becomes perfect that's
interesting because this is just
meanness or cancers effective
my family is taking members of my family
aways it's affecting my family some of
them now so a very negative connotation
towards cancer I sometimes put myself in
a position and think if I was to ever
get cancer or something but a particular
point I just can't help but think that I
will feel sorry for myself at some stage
have you ever felt that yeah you do as I
said that you know it's it's it's not
your normal yeah absolute normal you
know you can't control your thoughts to
a degree well you can you can't because
when something as severe as cancer or
other illness hit you you can't see any
way out so of course it's not so for
anybody to think you know how would I
feel
but as I said earlier on you know you we
are you are in control of your thoughts
as long as you don't put emotion into
something it can never happen it's only
emotion that creates your reality when
you paint a picture of what you want and
how you want your life to be your
conscious and your subconscious mind
doesn't know the difference between
right and wrong
it just doesn't know the difference it
only responds to what your want picture
you're painting it so when you're young
as I said you know your pet your parents
have painted how your picture is going
to be so your subconscious mind then
when your conscious mind then has to
build your life around your parents
picture or the picture that you've
created or they're created not just your
parent it's society its school
everything and anything after the sort
of ages 10 when you develop fully
develop your conscious mind after the
age of 10 anything after that is what
your picture has been built on based on
your school your parenting or and
society itself you know you have to sort
of try to understand your thoughts you
think there's a lot and as long as you
can control or though what you're
thinking you can always change it the
hardest part of changing something is
that you have to change all your soft
conscious if people understand what that
means if they don't then I went to
highly recommend
looking into that because it's a very
very powerful part of us it's a part of
our mind and can create reality for you
so if you don't understand what
subconscious is then I so strongly
suggest that you go out and listen to or
even you know we books on that if you
don't like reading like me listen to
audiobooks I love listening yeah
motivation you see and you can learn a
lot from it so that's what you really
have to do you have to sort of think
about what you're thinking about think
about what you're thinking about all the
time and then stop when you start it
when you start having it sort of a
negative thoughts stop that and then
think of a positive what could be the
positive thing what is it that you want
in life to change the picture that your
parents have built or society is built
for you changing that jigsaw your
conscious mind doesn't want to change a
jigsaw because you imagine you've made a
great massive jigsaw puzzle here and
you're trying to take the middle of that
jigsaw puzzle add and change it and how
hard would it be to change that jigsaw
puzzle so that's why your conscious mind
is constantly fighting with you to stop
you doing that any fight with you by
sending yeah but what if this happens
this is gonna happen this is gonna
happen and reality is just all you're
doing it fighting with you know else
isn't it yeah yeah so that's how you
sort of change you know reality that's
brilliant that's that's powerful
that's something actually that's for
anyone that is this and there's a book
called the chip paradox and he actually
explains it so it's quadratures paradox
of what he says is you have the chimp
which is your like your subconscious
through then you have a computer which
is kind of the logical side of you but
what he says is the chimp is more
powerful yeah and it's unless we control
this chimp whether it's through changing
our thought processes and the things
that we were taught to believe
absolutely absolutely then the chains
going to take over runs on it and that's
exactly what happens we do 95 90 95
percent of our society
and yeah yeah you like absolutely your
chip will always try to control what it
wants you to do but deep down if you
start to understand it anything is
possible but even having said that it's
not just his thoughts it's it's a
gratitude you have to put into thing
you know I mean I once all grateful for
I mean I can explain sort of you know
what my routine isn't when I get a bunch
of virtually the next thing so yeah yeah
the routine yeah so for myself what I do
when I get up in the morning my general
routine I mean on the early riser so
more put three o'clock in the morning
and one of the things I've learned and
I'll never ever do is put the snooze
button on now that I ever put snooze
button or people do that but that's not
a really a positive thing to do you know
you as soon as oh yeah my alarm goes off
I'm out of bed my feet hit the floor and
the first thing I do is I put my head
together and then I go thank you so much
for another day ahead of me and he's
feeling that gratitude of another day
whether that day is gonna be the same as
yesterday or not matters not it's
another day I listen to a lot of
affirmations in the morning as well so
when you get up in the morning what I
learned is that your subconscious mind
your conscious mind hasn't quite kicked
in so you're still in your subconscious
and state so when you start to feed your
subconscious state with positive
affirmations your day will flow
perfectly so first thing I'll do is of
government phone I'll put my headphones
on I'll get dressed and I start to play
affirmations positive affirmations or
even relaxing music just to calm I'm
like that and so while I'm going
testicle have a yeah you know I mean
I'll have a shower in the night in case
you think I think I've had a shower in
the night and so while I'm brushing my
teeth I'll still got this headset on so
I'll put 20 minutes or so I've got this
headset on listening to affirmations and
while I'm having breakfast on listen to
affirmations and I Drive to work
listening to an audiobook and um how
your mind works there's some great books
out there no doubt you've heard of many
of them I love listening to if you don't
mind the answer yeah actually you know
someone a box I mean I love listening to
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hayden
I'm sure millions of poverty read a book
and the other book I think is fantastic
and people should really haven't
is the science of getting rich by what
is what'll again it's it's it's he
explained it's a science of game rich
and it's a great book to if you I mean
you can buy it but if you don't want to
buy it you can get on YouTube and in
listen to it so for forty minutes from
all the way to work on listening to D so
I'm always trying to feed my mind with
positive affirmations positive vibes all
the way to work and obviously once
you've done your work come back home on
my way back home I'm genuinely back on
for about seven in the morning so I'm
one ear out at the house for a few hours
and when I'm back home I take the dog
for a walk
another relaxing way to do that and then
I get when I'm when I'm home obviously a
boo gone to work by then and then I do
my meditation and we solved for the next
hour and so I sit there and I focus what
I want out of life and how I want my
life to be and so I do a meditation then
listen to some great meditation music
again you can get on YouTube if you
don't I use one called calm on iTunes it
is one that you have to pay for what
yeah it's absolutely fantastic I saw
many on there it's great but as I said
there's lots of free ones you know you
just have to find one that resonates
with you so once of a sort of listened
and once I've done my own meditation I
generally fall asleep for an hour song
two hours and so it's in a sort of fall
asleep for about a couple of hours and
then back up to ten o'clock I've started
to do exercises now when I hadn't before
even though when I was younger I spent a
lot of time exercising but when I got
here I sort of lost confidence in
xdesign so i starting to sort of carry
back into exercising nothing bank am but
i have so for ten o'clock consider do 20
minutes of sort of general exercise and
and and ice get on go about Monday I'll
start work about two o'clock again to
have two and once again I'll start I
only listen or try to listen to
audiobooks you know any kind of audio
Bob Proctor is another fantastic I mean
he's amazing you know I know he's on the
secret but he's so he's been doing this
for 50 years and he's somebody knows
what they're talking about
he is a man that knows what he's talking
about and so I listen to a lot and a lot
of his and audio books I listen to a lot
of time Roberts and again and does a
great motivator so I'm always listening
to these books and that awesome
whilst I'm at work I generally come home
around 1:00 to finished up getting home
for seven have a meal I try to relax by
watching not so much TV programs but
more very old-fashioned God programs if
you like and and the reason of watch
them is because it's it's it explains to
you that what we have now has always
been there but we just we just didn't
realize it so it's in resonates back to
you how you can move forward with what
we have well I've always had and the
generally don't got a bed and again once
again I've always got to sleep at night
and before I go to sleep I just be
thankful for my whole day you know I
think about all the the thing I've done
today even though my day routine is
generally the same and I might have met
somebody new there so I always sort of
gratitude to everything I have even my
meals or sit down and I'm you know you
when I say gratitude because he's
gratitude is part of development so if
you're not grateful for something then
how can you be grateful for what you
want to something so you really have to
be grateful for and I know there's lots
of people there's a wall I can't be
grateful until I get this box if that's
the way you're thinking as we spoke
earlier on you're only gonna get more of
what you're putting out so if you're
thinking I'm not grateful for something
your only your your subconscious mind
only sees that you're not grateful for
something and you know you're feeling
sad about something so he thinks ah okay
oh yeah it's not about this I'll give
you more of that so that's how your
content works and fall asleep again
listening to you
music until the next day I don't know
falling asleep so in the middle of the
night when this thing he's office still
got my head said oh we should take off
pretty so and then you know so that's my
daily routine every day yes it's almost
like the curse of cancer that came into
your life has always made your life
better totally think shame because it
that's it for me it took for me to get
ill to get where I am I mean you know I
had a business which and was almost gone
almost bankrupt me because I really
struggled but had it not been for what
I'd learned over the years I think that
I would have really got into it
depression but because of what I learned
over the years when I did have my
business and that didn't work as well as
I expected it to and it's just one of
them things and yes I worried a lot
about it and opera and Laura's worrying
in the family put up trying to keep it
away from them as well because I didn't
want them to feel under pressure to help
and there was absolutely fantastic you
know hats off to my family then they
stepped in and they sort of we worked
together and you know and it's another
thing that I think I should point out is
that when you have when you when you're
worried about something and even worried
about not telling your parents or
telling your family it's a wrong thing
to do because if your family is always
there to understand and support you and
just it's surprising how much taken just
just by taking or talking to somebody
how much of a burden you can take off
your shoulders and that's what I did you
see but just boy even though they didn't
sort of okay here we'll do this with
this but just talking to them took away
so much of my worries and but as I said
if it wasn't for what I've learned over
the previous year is about being
positive I wouldn't have come out of
that business feeling better for myself
and you know going on six or seven years
now more than that now here 10 years or
so moving forward 10 years you know I've
created another great business you know
I
I'm really happy within them and
progress it's always because you have to
prove you have to think of yourself and
your family and move forward with them
absolutely so a couple of good points
day is born obviously it's easier said
than done but we shouldn't have to wait
for a cancer or death or something you
know like these are simple things that
every single one of us on a daily basis
and so I ask this question can start to
do it's not gonna take us long to just
sit there for best part of two three
minutes and just think of all the things
we're grateful for every single morning
and it slowly become easier then
obviously throughout the day we'll
notice more and more things yeah and
then listening to positive stuff so
hopefully people listening to this can
just take on this now yeah rather than
have to wait for something bad in part
and then just live in this on what it's
almost like a bliss because you just
appreciate every single moment
absolutely right sometimes we will go
through life and six months torment
surpassed and you've never really lived
in the moment because you've won bin
anxious about the past and to you I saw
you anxious about the future until
you've been depressed about the past so
it's a dangerous place to be absolutely
it's almost like living in today you
also said talking to people so this is
something that I actually mentioned on a
previous podcast so I struggled with
anxiety struggled a lot with overwhelm
and similar to yourself I'm trying it
you look after my family I'm trying to
comfort my wife and my siblings and I
don't want to put the burden on them my
mom suffered in depression so she's
loved a best friend by the same time I
don't want to have any stress there as
well but then sometimes if it's too much
and I do speak to her yeah she doesn't
solve the problem but I felt so much
better which she feels better that I
could buy dinner yeah same with my
friends or my wife whoever I speak to it
talking is so powerful it's a massive
massive thing but as humans what I mean
connection speaking is it's part of us
and because the song takes a turn that
follows 24 so absolutely we will lose a
connection
absolutely I think you know that's again
like you said you know is you when you
talk into somebody somebody when you
hold it in yourself you're creating
nothing but bad feelings for yourself
but when you're let that energy out
you've it's almost as if you've left let
out and a massive ball of negative
energy you know that's how you got
acidity is a and you know and it's hard
sometimes understand you know certain 16
certain things in such a situation you
sometimes find it hard to
talk to somebody but the best way
forward and I've always found is that
you know if you can't talk to your
family then talk to somebody who's
confused you're close with you know just
take that off your chest and it makes
you feel so much better and your mind
will always fight you against it because
they want you to hold and I know it
sounds bad do you thinking to yourself
well why wouldn't my mind want to do
that for me and it's always one see it
always sort of and give you a picture of
oh yeah but if you if you told decent
I'm gonna do this ad singly and you know
you but you're creating something hasn't
even happened creating scenario you know
we're going back again you know creating
a picture of what you want if you want
if you want to if you finally difficult
to talk to somebody then imagine it in
your head and I know those who have read
and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
of one of the things he used to do was
he used to have a board meeting and with
some of the richest people in the world
in his head not physically with in your
head and I mean he could if you can
imagine something like that so and it's
easy to imagine thing you know you could
you can imagine something like like just
like that if I said to you now think of
a pink elephant instantly you'll be
thinking of a pink elephant if you're
saying stick your face in the kitchen
you'll be thinking of that so you can
create emotion to that yeah absolutely
absolutely without emotion there's lots
of elements that you have to put
together for the law of attraction to
work emotion is one of them gratitude is
another one the positive thinking is
another one and individually you know
image in your head and what you want
your life to be is another one when you
start to combine these things together
that's when your life starts to change
of people using this Lord of Attraction
has changed in life totally change your
life around within 12 months just by I
mean it takes 30 days to create the
thing is with life itself which we've
created habits and hobbies can be
changed it takes time to change habits
but habits can be changed
I love that and the final point I just
want to add to that is you mentioned a
business that you've just started that
you're very happy with we have another
business because we've got the products
on there it's probably packed in one of
these boxes now because we're moving
house not okay
joining just share that briefly just
with the ordinance a lot when I first
heard about it I was like that's quite
an innovative is quite interesting okay
straight away can you just starting from
scratch sure yeah yeah and others here
do I do my full time I guess it's a job
but it's not job because he's still
self-employed and do my parcel business
but always wanted to be sort of an
online trader so what I started to do
was I looked at ways I can make money
online Amazon was a biggest platform so
I was learned how to sort of started
looking more into how Amazon works and
so I learned how to through their
learning program and he can learn Lee to
Amazon sort of learned how to sell
products on Amazon and that's what I'm
moving forward with and I've got a
product on there now which and which is
aromatherapy oils but he's one of them
things that sort of well it's a bit of a
risk to take but again if you want
something to happen you have to have a
positive outcome of it and so I started
to understand and learn a lot about
Amazon and how they were what what to do
and learnt the course
they've had to promote the product how
where to find a product had to get
product once I understood all that I'm
still learning from it's not something
that yeah fully understood I'm still
learning from them I started as I said I
imported my first product and it's been
great you know really has my wife uses
it I think that's actually okay yeah it
is a great product done yeah just on
that as well so soft and you hear people
thinking they can't do nothing we have
all these limiting beliefs and they see
what we can do in life and yeah you just
thought okay I wanted to start a
business and you probably wouldn't you
probably just figured it out along the
way yeah you are not selling a product
unless that's a lesson to anyone like if
this is something you want with the
right mindset and then obviously the
action nothing impossible without action
you know you it's no good having the
oldest mindset yeah positive thinking
when you take no action you you know you
have to take action if it's something
there's some
looking to do you know sell online it
doesn't have to be Amazon there's lots
of other platforms on there
I chose Amazon because I was on is deep
Biggie's platform to sell and I chose
Amazon because I found it you can I can
I don't have to store the product at all
I'll send it to their warehouse
everything they deal with a moment yeah
absolutely and their fulfillment center
that deal with the customers they deal
with the returns of course anything that
is returned luckily for me I finally had
one product returned in all the ones
that have sold and then they they
contact you so you have nothing you know
that this is the biggest fear with
people they think well how can I start
oh I'm Christie what about customer
series what about this but this with
Amazon they deal with all that with you
yeah of course they target fee which is
understandable but you have to find a
product then you can now incorporate all
that and you can make and still make a
profit out of it you know you you know
you could there's lots of people on
Amazon that making great massive massive
monthly incomes and it's it is possible
and you just have to trust in yourself
to do it and that's the hardest thing
trusting yourself
if it's something that you know it's for
the listeners if something that you're
passionate about then use that product
use that as a product absolutely I want
you to put that in there because I've
seen you use the product as well yeah so
it's not like a shameless plug or any
yeah yeah it's inspiring because if I
ask someone say for instance my dad or
my own course or something do that the
first thing that says all are configured
I don't know about the internet and we
have a lot of people in the audience we
just automatically have exclusive
straightaway absolute is always it's
just refreshing to hear somebody just
say you know what what it actually shows
that everything you're putting in
practice in your daily routines like the
affirmation is opposed to thinking yeah
you put it into practice any practice or
you foods I think that's the thing with
all the community because I mean I'm 53
and if I can make changes at 53 people
at that age if not younger
I mean exactly majority to prepare
people you know once they get past forty
forty five to think that's it I think
the life is over
you can't progress you can't learn you
the game started yeah it's just starting
and I just gain started don't let
things top of you because when you're
young you have a whole you could you got
your whole life in front of you when
you're 40 your passport you're getting
close to 50 you think that you've only
got a few years but just in a few years
if you with the right mindset it just
within a few years you can change the
whole life around if that's what you
want being all free absolutely people
are living longer now resolve of course
yeah yeah definitely Brit okay thank you
for that so we spoke about diversity
quite a bit and we spoke obviously the
business stuff we spoke about the
personal health problems as well if you
could just choose one of your biggest
lessons that you've learned from that
experience so I'm going that you had the
mindset of something but if you can just
say to somebody maybe who's experienced
in it now or going through term or
whether it's cancer or any other illness
if you can just give them one lesson
that you've taken from that situation I
would say that you know just as hard
when giving that situation but just try
to see things as I say just try and look
at the light at the end of the tunnel
you know just try to focus on you
getting better you moving forward you
wanting the thing that you want instead
of focusing on something and I
understand that it's hard because I've
been there and but just try to listen
and the best way did it one of the other
things I absolutely love doing is I love
listening to music that I love because
he just makes you feel so much better
so if you are going through a tough time
listen to your favorite song don't lose
sight of you joy yeah something that you
enjoy listening to listen to a rock so
you know not so much a rock song in the
sense of rock song I mean something that
has a fantastic you know I always find
that that helps me to feel better so and
yeah you know just just try to stay
positive really you know it's a tough
situation to be more you just have to
learn to stay positive
yeah that's brilliant thank you for that
I'm in this particular moment right this
second what is your biggest fear and
fear is another to say this now because
fear is just a thought it's just thought
that can be told controlled when you
have a fear you can always change your
feeling too and on
so I try to avoid having a fear because
I'm not saying don't not worried about
anything I'm always worried about the
future and have I done enough too but
when I pass how I done enough on this
earth for those were living here now for
when I pass that means my biggest
concern blooded and I fear because I
think when you use the word fear I don't
know a lot of people do but I from what
I've learned one of the things I
understand these learn to understand
these fear it's just a word it's a word
that's used by everybody
so when somebody uses the word fear you
instantly think the worst of something
so no no that's not what you wanted to
hear but I think that they when you use
the word fear you sort of think of the
worst but to me don't think of the way
fear and it's hard not to but don't
think of me think of something think of
it as a unless fear forward if you like
but yeah well my biggest concern is how
about done enough on earth and for those
coming okay that's one of my biggest
interested and has that purpose of yours
that why without motivation to leave the
world given as much as usually has that
only stemmed since again that I don't
want to keep touching on it but they
Hansard incident absolutely yeah yeah
yeah and that's interesting because a
lot of people I find that go through
adversity in life or have been through
hardship they almost become selfless and
they just want it almost in that moment
when they're so great for this stuff
they want to give back more yeah yeah I
think before that we kind of do live a
selfish life yeah absolutely because I I
was kind of selfish I only really
thought about myself I didn't even
though I've respected what my pen said I
would kind of well my life I could do
what I like or no and even you know
going back down I remember my father
sitting me down once and he went and he
said you know you're going down the
wrong path because I started getting
involved with the wrong people he said
you're gonna shame us and he was like
that backing when I was growing up he
said you're gonna put shame on us and
you're gonna end up in prison because he
thought I was gonna end up in prison and
but I you know I was not but I wanted to
do what I want to do
care about that I just want to do what I
want to do for what I dye my hair with a
dime appears like yeah you can't stop me
even though respecting him when I didn't
do a pop it was one of the thoughts of
him that was going through her head and
so ya can say for me cancer was the
biggest biggest thing that changed and
maybe that's what I needed
you know things they were say the things
come for a reason maybe that is what I
needed
that's a wake-up call this is why I
actually love like I love dis as part of
my job because I get to meet people at
you and without having to go through the
pain and that you've been through yeah
it inspires me so much like this is
inspiring but I have sometimes will be
talking and I'll be like episode 4
so-and-so said this how dare I feel
sorry for myself
yeah I'm it doesn't get me through the
day and I'll always think I'm blessed
because when I'm gonna have him speak to
somebody I always get to meet a new
friend and a new person that I form a
relationship and then it just changed my
perspective because I'm like I'm so much
more grateful even now just for like
health see you perfectly because he's
just pointed it out you know you was
having there we're gonna use the word
negative again we're having daily
thought about something and yet you
instantly realized you was and then
change it into something positive by
saying about somebody such as 50 cents
or how dare I
and it's absolutely like you know this
there's so many people in this world
that are worse off than you yeah you
know you other than those who are
homeless and you know this is one of the
things I want to do and as I get better
and better and you know be able to do it
is to help the homeless because unless
you're homeless and God not you if a
long as you go roof of your hand yes
it's always tough if you haven't got a
job and I know it's a big thing and a
big concern but yeah if you got a roof
over you should be grateful
always be playing with without gratitude
absolutely can't move forward and I
think I think that's that's a brilliant
point I think it's something though we
do have to do every day because again
adversity everything he goes for
everyone's life and I've had moments
when but death happens all of a sudden
for that month but you're you you're
grateful for everything and you know
life's too short please share everything
but then you get very quickly back into
their old habits happy so that's why I
always read
it should be like a day absolutely you
touch on the homeless thing so I'm I'm
very fortunate my parents are very like
loving people so we foster children and
it's laughs okay well you're my sister
then we adopted and my mom tried to
adopt every single kid that coming to
the house and laughs there's no room in
the house so I've got like three white
siblings and we've got Asian sister as
well was adopted and seeing them and
seeing like their issues in terms of
like disabilities there were
malnutrition when they first came there
Testament disorders it made me so
grateful like it changed my whole life
so I gave good-paying jobs to become
like a social worker to effectively
change the world and it changed but then
what happened was when I got married and
I moved into my house here we're sitting
today yeah
don't my siblings I think about them
every single day but I don't live with
them every day to end that feeling of
gratitude every single day okay
whereas before I never had to remind
myself please job like this a nice thing
poor Kyle he might never be able to
drive a car he'll never be able to do
this yeah and he used to make me feel
grateful yeah so it is something I think
like anything like if you don't look
after your health every single day it's
gonna deteriorate absolutely I think we
should always try and I think that's the
biggest issue and you get to a certain
stage and when you're happy with your
life you tend to start to forget about
that is you know just another quick
point is you know it's not a religious
thing or I don't want to win anybody
here but when when something bad you
never think about God you go about your
day to day business but when something
bad happens you straight away you're
going and pray to God you know God is
there every single day yet you forget
and I know most people don't but the
majority do you know they forget that
he's there every day and I even though
I'm not a I'm a spiritual person and you
know it doesn't matter what you are deep
down with all the same so when you have
to pray to somebody then pray to them
every day if you want to if you feel
that God is your way forward and then
pray to God every day be thankful to him
that you got me walk every day not just
a day that you're feeling down or you
find a bad day or you've lost your cat
you lost your dog or anything else you
know every single day should be a day
where you grateful with gratitude 100%
you alcohol I think that's beautiful
message I think it's something that I'm
probably cure you have I remember as a
kid man if I thought was gonna get in
trouble bug my parents
like God please get me through this day
never do it again I'm sure we've all
kind of done yeah I thought okay
brilliant so we're actually at the fun
part of the show is what I called it so
it's again quickfire round of 60 to 90
seconds depending when I apply you out
basically I just random questions okay
are we all ready yeah okay we're gonna
go in three two one
if you could abolish one thing in the
world what would it be oh yeah your
favorite beer butter oh yeah your
biggest role model Oh baby what would
you like to be remembered for the good I
did your biggest goal this year to be
successful and help us your worst
mistake not doing Eternia if you could
relive one day again what day would it
be the very first day I was born
the ability to fly or be invisible
invisible the number one thing that
annoys you but habits and when your fame
neither your proudest moment my children
your favorite food
got a visual icing chicken would you
rather speak or languages or speak to
animals what's your favorite song at the
club by the Drifters and if you had an
extra hour a day how would you spend it
meditating Netflix or YouTube Netflix
and the final question is the number one
piece of advice you would give to your
children just be yourself okay brilliant
so we're approaching towards the end of
the show now and just two more questions
that I always like to ask my guest the
next one's about reflection I saw this
is in hindsight obviously we learn ways
where we can get to places quicker with
less heartache or by saving money for
example so if you could go back knowing
everything that you know now and all
your words of wisdom and everything that
we've spoken about in the show to a
younger time when maybe you were
confused or going through a time where
you had no clarity in your life yeah and
you can just whisper something in the
younger piece yeah yeah did you say gone
back if I had and I think that this may
you know I was thinking these yes now
even though I would tell myself that the
future is what you create the Tippie so
if you want your future to be better
paint that picture in your head and
that's what I would whisper to myself
paint the picture of how you want your
life to be and it will create it
that's Brittany I think the more waters
the develop my dream and stuff as well
that's more what I try and do is I like
vision board and stuff and I think I
think maybe as children as well we do
that but there's somewhere between
childhood when you've got that innocence
to growing up yeah we tend to lose it I
think the vision boards are fantastic
and I think that a great thing to have
because it gives you a idea of how you
want your life to be but the whole time
to that to that is when somebody makes a
vision board they forget that they can
change that vision board and once you've
looked at it a few times it's just there
sitting on the wall of what I tend to do
is I've read my goals every morning I'll
have a book written in there what I want
my average day to be like and I read the
book everything is pretty detailed of
how I would like to be and I sit down
and read it and if there's something a
lot I don't like in it I always draw it
out and change it and I think with
things like vision boards and even
though I did a great thing like I said
but vision boards is a massive picture
of you know I feel Bree wants to be
multi millionaire and they know we're
near there it's it's an image where you
think well I'm not gonna get there but
if you take small steps because vision
boards can be expanded it can be changed
but I think people when who make vision
boards are I'm not sure about yourself
of people who make vision boards tend
not to change it so then look at it once
or twice
literally for a month or so after that -
forget the vision boards he's there but
you know going forward it's not it's not
a bad thing I'm not saying would you
recommend them having a two year goal
it's about building confidence so if
you're gonna like your goal down for
yourself or goals down for yourself and
you've written a goal to say let's just
say for argument's say you're gonna have
a million pound in a year and people do
like gods like now because the thing -
what if I could create anything or
agreat that create that I'm not saying
it can't be created but if y'all haven't
but if you're not if you're not in line
with your positive thinking creating
that video path is going to be difficult
but if you say to yourself I want to
create a slightly similar goal so say a
few sectors up I want to
10,000 pounds a month 10,000 pound a
month is far achievable easily
achievable because your work hard racket
absolutely once you achieve your 10,000
pounds a month you've put it and have a
booster then draw your goal pika make it
twenty thousand their next month and you
know no no there's lots of people out
there don't think well I want to be a
millionaire and I want to beat in a year
and but you didn't learn to speak and
you didn't know how long did it take you
to learn to walk how long did it take
you to do things now you know just
generally to do things it takes 12 years
for you to go through school and learn
all the things in school you're not
going to become successful in a year
well I'm not so don't get me wrong sorry
I apologize for that it's not you're not
going to be your mindset isn't bright
guitar pitch there won't be a nominees
that will obviously do it for the vast
majority of us we have to develop one a
sphere is changing one our mindset one I
help everything needs a line is have
yeah and we need to increase the
confidence and our skill set in all of
those yeah and one of the things that I
I suppose I've suffered with I saw I
don't do vision boards myself is that no
people do is when I used to have these
big goals
somewhere along their journey if you're
trying to be like an entrepreneur trying
to find your way life yeah when you
realize how far you are from you goes
you become very dissatisfied to me and
trying to think of the right words for
it be they the lack of motivation yeah
because you think I'm just so far away
from it and even though you might have
come so far the J yank yeah you forget
how far you've come because you're
looking to have my uni hero
so this is what I'm saying about vision
boards you see because
vision boards are a great thing but if
you're making a vision board and your
journey is to be you know a super
successful entrepreneur but you're only
here you're not seeing absolutely how
you come you you're looking at that and
you you kind of can't get demotivated
because you know with anything it can't
be change but if you're making a goal
that stopped being absolute but you're
here so that's why that's my advice
no I think that's great advice is so if
we use the analogy that Iowa
I can relate to very quickly is health
and fitness so everyone wants a six-pack
in just absolutely the number one
question I always get a song that's
absolutely fine we can get you a
six-pack we can help you but it starts
with one rep in the gym
yeah starts with you going to the gym
that one day yeah and you can't ever get
there any quicker no matter how much you
would have to do that rip
yeah then unfortunately you have to do a
lot of them reps and yeah you can't just
do one on one day you can't just sit
here for 24 hours or let's do sit-ups
another city like the world it's a
process and it's about understanding
that so yeah I think that's it it's a
pretty answer good answer and that
certainly actually brings us to the last
question and the last question is if in
150 years science fails to save us and
none of us are here and it's just
hopefully my podcasts by then all that
remains is a book and this book is about
you everything in your life or the good
things you've done or the wonderful
things and all the people's lives you've
touched and everything yeah what would
the back of the book tell us to make
somebody want to pick it up about you
and also what would the title be well I
think if I was who write a book the
title of my book would have to be a car
you say Think and Grow Rich but
something along the lines you know
thoughts I would say I would say it's
hard to sort of define them an actual
name for the Papa I would say something
along the lines of use your thoughts
well think carefully and think about
what you want you know it's hard to
define a name think carefully that's
that's quite interesting yeah it's sort
of something along them lines and with
the back of the book create the life
that you want by thinking history you
know think about how you painted a
picture painting an image on your life
create an image of how you want what you
like to be it's hard to sort of it's
fine to be honest I think everything
that you've said in this episode has
kind of told us about the nerve of it
yeah and I think the probably the most
important thing like you said it's think
carefully yeah because you realized
through your trials in tribulations is
that if your thought processes that
manifesto LSU and make your existence
and everything but yeah I think that's
the biggest thing really you know when
you're somebody's gonna pick something
up they're gonna think about what they
are doing what about you as a person how
would you how would you want to be
remembered I would like to be remembered
as somebody who did
dividing therefore everybody you know
did the right thing for those who are
less fortunate or try to do the wrong
thing I think yeah that's brilliant
thank you I think that's a great answer
and I'm just a final note so we are
gonna put your Amazon link in for your
visit I think you definitely should
definitely if people are interested in
them
so it's it's an oil it's a variation all
Roma therapy oils basically they're the
natural products there there's no
artificial cooling or the field
additives in it and they can be used for
your health purposes there's cárdenas as
well and he tells you what you can what
the purpose of these are and so each oil
can be used for various things I mean I
use the head of tose so there's a and
there's an oil in there kiddo and I
think it is that same as witch witch
hazel if you're cruising if thought it
actually takes your pain away but I
don't have anything okay so and again
I'll use the oils to put in the Steam
Mop just a few tops fantastic you could
use them in diffuser so there's many
uses for them yeah I got my wife as well
yeah and alongside that are you on
social media as well is there a way or
would you be open to banners connecting
with yourself and yeah I mean if anybody
you know wants any answers or questions
always take on anything then yeah cool
so I I am on social media on Facebook
I'm not a big these further Facebook you
know yeah I think it's just a good point
of call because there could be somebody
who behind closed doors may have
resonated a certain part of your story
may be struggling with it may be going
for the exact same thing yeah and this
is another thing the whole point of this
podcast is to let people know they're
not alone yeah so the story that you're
going through I'm gonna be going through
about a million other people who yeah
this is what it's about and it's always
nice when you can get somebody on the
show he's in a much better place then
yeah yeah and that's the point is artist
so in that function enough when we're
going through all the emotions and stuff
and we think there is no light at the
end of the tour like I thought you know
actually all of my guests have
demonstrated there is like it is here
that's what it's about
fantastic so brilliant so we're I just
wanted this moment once again just to
thank you for your time today and
sharing your story into the listeners at
home I gotta listen
it's for that play to be here and
remember this podcast is absolutely free
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How to deal with Fear #27 by Aren Deu
Tagline: "Wouldn't life be great if we wasn't scared of anything?"
So I recently realised, that our brain is wired for survival not happiness. This definitely hit home when I sat there a few weeks ago and thought "Wouldn't it be incredible if I wasn't afraid of anything".
As a result of realising that this wasn't feasible I felt I had to then learn to monitor it and control it. Seeing as fear will never go away, we need to try to at least live with it or else we are going to be a constant wreck of nerves, worry and stress. And on that note, remember the famous quote? "It's not hard work that will kill you, its stress".
I hope this short episode adds some value and the 3 tips at the end and explanation around Fear help move you forward and at least reduce your fear, worry or panicking by a little.
I also want to thank you all for helping support this incredible podcast. Please do reach out over social media and let's connect and continue to push this movement forward.
P.s. remember any new reviews on iTunes, just send me a screenshot either on twitter, Instagram or to my email and ill send you the diet and gym plan as promised. It will likely be a 7-day window due to the volume of listeners.
Thanks for listening
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welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of following your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show so so they wanted to to you about fear probably the strongest emotion that we can ever experience a something that we either Hope record really all over you will experience at some stage in the future Nyerere you've probably heard the acronym such as four seven dense appearing real well maybe you've heard face everything the rise or forget everything a run and I'm sure this quite a few others that you could probably think of as well now the reason we're talk about fear is because fear was something not to stop me from part costed two years ago I don't really sat down and started to think about why I enjoyed podcast and song with fright night I'm gonna tell you very short stories about me keep you much of your time but I remember as a child spending let's see three or four days a week at least definitely weekends with my little because it's just that and %HESITATION we would do and was presented radio shows so how does the %HESITATION radio cassette thing whereby you book except I read you be used to listen to top of the pops so or the music shows record and then after every song we used to have like a segment that we used to do shows and stuff and it's really strange because I used to be so complicated I used to be for love adventure and doing things that I never really think about the risks soul if off by %HESITATION to what people would perceive of me fast forward a couple years after that and that's what it is all you really start to take over my life really start to impact me so it's funny now that I've come full circle twenty years later and I'm kind of doing my own radio show although I suppose you're gonna quit podcasting the reason I tell you that is because it was fate us stop me from Saddam apart because you see I was afraid of so many things I was afraid my accent would be understood I was afraid that like tool to quickly I was afraid nobody would listen I was afraid I would release the show and nobody would care I was afraid I would get guests on the show I mean I could list in fact I could probably talk with the minister on all my face but the reason I want not to be important I want you to just take note of this is because if I had to start that part cast when I did I at the beginning of two thousand nineteen then I wouldn't be where I am not aware I'm not it's literally a dream come true because my initial goal was to impart one pass and every single day that's what I want to do so I figured the Far East with Wall part because I can just impossible is life to maybe change that perception maybe change their attitude their actions on a daily basis to make their life back I'm not being very very for to the B. B. listen to over fifty six countries that which is incredible some of them I have David head of from completely honest we now average about fifty two hundred dollars a week which is beyond expectations we've been in many of the toss the self help which is a gated fantastic and not so thank you to you guys but I have to overcome my fear in order to kind of get this view you get this kind of enjoyment of the film and I'm now getting from the park us this well when you guys to do so I'm not necessarily saying you will need to do to podcast with or recommend it I'd say you need to find out what your fears are you really need to concrete so am I'm gonna leave you with three tips on how you can combat your fear because I think it's really important obviously after the sept so you have something tangible rather just hear me talk about my days as a radio show host as a kid but before I give you the tips I think it's also important that we talk about what happens when you experience fear and why it happens you see the brain relies on fear the human emotion fear because the Braves primary focus is to keep us alive he doesn't care whether we're happy or not at the end of the day we want to do is make sure we survive so we tend to have this response seven cute stress response notice fight or flight %HESITATION the third one freeze some research is actually I did this fourth one which is called for a for this kind of when you comply with the grass or the attack at thinking that that would help you don't go through so much pain so we can put the think of some disturbing example is there so anyway we have these four things not hopper movie experience this emotion of fair and if anyone out there is saying they're not afraid of anything you're lying because at the end of the day when you struggle with worry hi Nicole stressed that is ninety nine times out of a hundred relate to a fair so anyway this too many ways that you can probably know is when your experience in fair and once you can always sit down we can obviously call back to so the first one is a logical stress reaction nigh without going into the science but I can tell you if you are interested this is basically when your body releases hormones such as adrenaline and this comes from a U. endocrine system is the hypothalamus in your brain we shoot for these days the White basically does is increase your heart rate your blood pressure starts to go higher your pupils dilate your muscles tense of anybody actually start to sweat I mean that's just a couple of the symptoms and I'm sure we've all been in that situation I mean I remember growing up as a kid and I had a fear of dogs so whenever I see the dog pretty much all of those things would happen the second one is a psychological response that this is something that I gave you can probably will relate to you have you have about yourself noticing that you've just suddenly lost her temper or your rising tend to get angry was just sold quickly to think it what happened or maybe you just experienced a mind blank Ole maybe you'll struggling to make a decision because of an old wall of choices a sick game can be linked to fare as well so that's the main T. macro level ways that you can kind of identify if you've experienced via now we give you three very quick tips that you can do to combat fair or at least try and deal with it because at the end of the day fear is not leaving this fear is not something that we have just created in the twenty first century C. existed one of our lives is help keep us alive is that caveman days because that's basically the role of it passed the role of fear the motion in our brain needs it so anyway let's double over to the steps of the festival to give you is to accept it we have to recognize that it's not going to go away so we accept it will be accepted that basically means that we don't be ourselves HESITATION every time fear exists we just simply need to know that we need to either manage it but I we either fight to run away from it well we just kind of leave it day and again that depends on where you want to go in life so for me my aim is always been to inspire motivate people but Jimmy just help people I mean ID so much stuff in terms of just helping people which isn't a problem my job I just actually get probably the best for film look from that to see somebody else do well so am I have to do this I have to the podcast I have to be very visible on social media HESITATION any gain initially when I started I was very very uncomfortable I mean I'm not exactly an expert now but I do try but was off a sort of a combat zone the second is well I like to call doctor pepper it so what is the worst that can happen you know like the advent dot net back what's the worst that could happen and I always think about because nine times out actually let's trade to nineteen nine times out of a hundred the chances are the worst is really going to happen and if we take it to an extreme the worst thing that could actually happen is normally death and the chances are the stuff that you worry about where your life especially for this do this podcast that hasn't happened as it so why would you worry about it because the west never happened but we so often over complicated and I had to we make it out to be like this incredible monumental stressful situation is going to shock Reid reads in real life when in fact it's probably not that bad if one side and the final one is to talk about and this is something all use myself so I am an anxious buddy hi I'm a much Jenny intent of trying to improve myself but trust me I have very bad days I have days ruffle absolute shit I now have days are among the phone can I struggle and I get overwhelmed so I'm just like many of you I I'm not perfect one of the best things I've done is just is just talking about it and haven't won't pass it around me or a friend or a family who I'm able to just talk to not be judged and just let loose in terms of everything already off my chest I let loose with not all I talk about my experiences and generally what I find is most of the time the stuff the HESITATION I'm experiencing such a normal I know I talked out of ten they've experienced it to which Carter makes you feel like you're not the only one I can you know away don't basically so M. small may three tips I really do hope that you can kind of take those on board hope this episode gives you value again where do these or that the soul is because it's brilliant when I interview so when I get a massive deception change went ahead and HESITATION gets but sometimes it's difficult to extract that I give that to yourselves so a lot of my guests have been through their formal with some of come out the other side and that's basically the purpose of the show were you ordered to strive and what have you doing not only to be scared I don't what do you think it would be better if I wasn't afraid of anything because it's such a that fear that keeps us alive he keeps a shopping to keep this going so at don't be afraid of your fears crime face in trying hundred and twenty controller a little bit like rocky I think it was rocky five right now he spoke about Frankie fifth %HESITATION we gave up he's one of my favourite films not sure if any even what's that but I'm gonna leave it dead friend of rambling on a game thank you so so much for order your support in terms of all the reviews and everything it really is like the great speeding that I've ever experienced pass the it's nice to see someone like gas and so my listeners interacted on social media result which is absolutely fantastic give a shout on your social media platforms of your choice and we will show you some love back as well and as always guys thanks for listening and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
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"How Society affects teenagers today" by Balraj Purewal #26
Tagline: "These are the broken pieces of the puzzle that you still end up piecing together.."
Life has moved on so quickly and within the space of a generation our world is now seen through a phone, almost 24/7. In fact I can't recall the last time I went out myself and didn't snap, Instagram or Facebook a status update.
But for the youth of today they experience larger problems and issues, such as seeking external validation, comparison amongst peers and so often finding themselves missing the beauty of the presence.
It is with this I decided to interview a teenager to show us, and give us a first insight into the life of a teen today. He explains very eloquently the struggles, the good the bad and the types of challenges he is presented with daily, amongst other teens.
He is a poet at a heart, currently studying at my favourite university (no bias), whilst trying to figure out where he fits in the world amongst figuring out the intent of other people.
We speak about many things in this episode that I really enjoyed recording such as:
- Intent
- Importance of internal validation
- Being true to yourself
- Finding your voice
- Working hard
- Using social media for what it is today
A guy who is wise beyond his years and someone I believe will go on and achieve his dreams in the world today, I urge you all to show him some support and follow his journey below:
P.s. remember any new reviews on iTunes, just send me a screenshot either on twitter, instagram or to my email and ill send you the diet and gym plan as promised. It will likely be a 7-day window due to the volume of listeners.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
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Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_b.purewal/ (Personal)
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/word___art/ (Poetry)
Snapchat: B.purewal
Have an awesome day & #JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
YouTube Transcription:
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of this show so today I'm gonna be
bringing you our youngest ever guest on
the show now I was a little bit
skeptical if I'm completely honest of
having somebody so young coming out to a
show like find your voice because find
your voice generally speaking it's
people who have gone through adversity
gone through obstacles and problems and
then all of a sudden I sat back and I
thought hold on a second this is the
exact kind of person we need on this
show because I'm sitting here and almost
making this judgment which is again
showing something that I need to be
aware of and learn from that people
going through their teenagers and going
into transition into adulthood
haven't got a voice and that's not what
I wanted the show to be about so anyway
I'm gonna be completely honest he over
delivered in fact he was the star of
this show and I'm very grateful that he
shared his experience because there's so
many things he mentioned in this episode
that made me kind of think back to how
easy I suppose my life was growing
through that transition and many of us
listening to this because I checked the
demographics are a lot older than
barrages and we never had to go through
the social media constraints and the
problems and that external validation
that these children and teenagers are
going through today so it's a very very
good episode in terms of one for anyone
who's going through this transition are
you the teenagers who are hopefully
trying to get to listen to this show to
inspire and motivate
but more importantly it's just as
important for us slightly older people
who maybe forgot what it was like grow
no to hear somebody's perspective or how
different life is so we talked a lot
about intent we talked about the types
of people that you come across in life
but we also talk about some stuff that
just really blew my mind that I was
talking to a teenager especially when I
think back to what I was like growing up
because I was not this emotionally away
that I was just figuring it out and it
gained that last bit there figuring it
out is something that we go on to talk
about quite a bit in this episode
because irrespective of where you are in
this journey in this wonderful thing
called life we're always just trying to
figure it out so hopefully you find this
useful especially towards the end of the
show because his last two answers were
incredible and they were very poetic and
then I happen to realize that he has a
poetry account on Instagram which kind
of made sense so a kid with a huge
future ahead of him I'm very grateful
that I've managed to tap into the
younger demographics as well I'm very
grateful for Barrett this time and I
hope you all really enjoy this episode
so without further ado let's jump into
it okay people I just like to start this
show by welcoming bowrage to the show
and thanking all the listeners for
tuning in today how you doing today my
friend yeah I'm not too bad not too bad
Oh better runs well thanks I let me come
on the show oh you're very welcome my
friend so I think to start this show I
think it's really important that the
listeners get to know you a little bit
so if you would have mind if you can
just kind of give us a brief
introduction into the life of Berridge
please yeah well so obviously I went to
around four primary schools already
remember too much about it if I'm honest
I mean I'm the whole guys created for
one but then as I went along we moved
house quite a bit went to one school
that was pretty racist I was like what
like the third brown person there so it
was like I was getting called like the P
word most of the time and I was like
what the hell's going on so being quite
young in primary school didn't really
enjoy primary school too much because
always like an outsider don't know if it
was because I was moving so much or
maybe I just wasn't people's kind of
guided which is not a problem and then I
don't know what just literally got into
high school and then I was like well I
don't want that happening again it's not
something one happening teenage hormones
are last like kicking in you know that
was raging
different kind of world with high school
you thinking what's going on here I've
learned
really from lucky s7 I mean if if I'm
honest when I was in the s7 array I was
bit of know a kid or what Liars used to
end up in isolation call hi a lot I'm
not sure well I am sure why but I feel
like the school was quite strict as well
so any little minor thing I did would
basically be picked up on which is not a
bad thing I guess it took me to mature
much quicker and this just kind of
lasted to around year 10 I was like well
it ain't about who's got the biggest the
biggest this the biggest bat who can do
this who can do that because the reality
doesn't make any difference at all it's
just you can crack on with themselves
and look after themselves and then when
I got to about year 11
it just kind of semi just came out of my
shell bit more because you know kind of
a person that it loves to talk to people
I'm not sure why always been my thing
you know
even now this like being on the podcast
I read messaging you know I just love
talking to people
stead of me being stuck to my fault I'm
well I just beat somebody okay I can
intake this knowledge from you how can I
apply this to my life oh you can do it
like this so like Erin you may say to me
I'll do it this way and I may not even
sing this other perspective because I
maybe so maybe I don't know deleted with
my own which is better for me to realize
obviously social media you know the
phones are great but sometimes a lot of
people just end up stuck to it even
myself at times well of course yeah but
it was weird because in s7 like good on
words high school wise I always thought
to myself I am I'm not fitting in it
doesn't make any sense why can I not do
what they're doing why can I not do what
the older people I did not realize and I
should have enjoyed it more in the
moment so I was okay cool that's not a
problem and then as soon as I started to
come up my shell but yeah 11 time you
know starts being two more people it was
like a lot more people were coming to me
came to six form where it was pretty
much the biggest change definitely fully
came out my child say I'm you know not
in a cocky way oh I'd say I'm quite
talkative bubbly loving and caring
person mm-hmm so I guess it's kind of
came with some baggage as well because I
couldn't even realize with somebody that
was trying to maybe mess me around in
front of my face
I want to realize because I think they
have the same heart as me hmm so I
wouldn't even realize anything like that
and then obviously you know that you
live and learn obviously as you growing
up and I think for teenagers now it's
hard because everybody's trying to
sorry for the language but fuck each
other over unless they're really genuine
because they're like oh I have this or
my dad's got this my mom's got this what
does yours has what does your has yours
have I've got this PlayStation you don't
have it oh you don't have it why not or
you know just the little - things which
is you know it's no part of general
going on but I guess you don't realize
that until you actually do start to grow
up and like me going up into a man no
bit of an awkward age at the moment 19
kind of in the middle teenager turned
into a young actual man now if you know
me like 18 years the normal designated
age anyways for when they say you were a
young adult voice you're still in that
in between mm-hm if you know what I mean
and then yeah like obviously then I went
to uni as well so just finished my first
year basically thought I'd stay out
first year get a bit more independence
and you know again actual experience of
like the halls or whatever like you know
how everybody hyped up or whatever and
it was great experience met some amazing
people really amazing people some people
with some really good hearts but you
meet some give me some weird ones as
well it's really weird people you know
some people may just want to use and
abuse some people actually may want to
hang around with you or some people just
want to distract you so you've just got
to make sure that you stay true to
yourself and keep with a good heart at
all times
so it seems that until at least
University you were trying to one figure
out who you are but to also figure out
how people are and I suppose especially
with the last one it doesn't really
change I mean I'm a little bit older
than you but I still go through that
situation where I'm still trying to
figure out why people are the way they
are or why certain people don't act the
ways for instance that I act so I will
always go in with good intentions and
then all of a sudden you'll realise that
other people's intent isn't necessarily
the same as yourself so I suppose a
piece of advice having gone through that
probably a little bit more than yourself
is just try and at least be wary of
people's intent because some people
might come across as almost like the
greatest people that you've ever seen
but then you will find later on once
they get what they need to extract from
you as a person you'll find they'll kind
of disappear so that's just kind of like
a piece of advice but you touched on
some prevalent things that I can
definitely
think about when I was a kid so
especially in the Punjabi culture the
whole drinking and how much can you
drink it's a purely ego thing 100% I
fell into that I fell into almost
damaging my health at the fact of I need
to keep up with people when I drink
where is now I'd like to think of myself
as slightly more matured if I don't
fancy a drink I would just say that's
enough for me and I'll kind of walk away
from it but again it's a learning lesson
a few points I've just made not of as
well that I want to just touch on so you
were always a naughty kid and you're
always I mean you've got yourself
excluded for trying to bite somebody's
nose but then all of a sudden things
started to change and you said something
which I thought was quite important and
it was you opened up and the moment you
started to open up you felt people start
to gravitate towards you more I just
want this in relation to that then was
that a sort of force thing or was that
just you thinking okay there's no point
me just being this shy person when I
have so much more to show to the world
obviously I was looking at other people
thinking how are they doing this why so
many people coming to them I'm just you
know I'm worrying too much about other
people now you know I actually need to
listen unlike for me and I've always
been quite open anyways quite if I want
something or if I want a fun one and
know something or I want to say
something
I will say because I just get that off
my parents as well because if they want
to say something they'll just say they
don't they don't be around the bush I
don't see the point either because then
you're just passing around make it more
fuss than need to be so then literally I
just try to be myself and I was like
okay this about in the year 11 more in
six form was around a lot of people are
coming to me and I was like okay this is
a bit weird I don't really know how to
handle this and what I found was it just
came with a lot of baggage as well
because a lot of people were coming to
me but I was like even me me being a
dumb ass at times I want to realize that
some people are just there to use me for
popularity or whatever it was and it's
okay though because like I learned from
it like it made me learn that some
people like you you don't need to hang
around with these people all the time
you don't need to hang around with a
popular crowd it just doesn't make a
difference we should be working towards
better in the world absolutely I think
that's a valid point and just on that
basis you just reminded me of something
that you said earlier as well so you
said initially obviously you find it
difficult to fit in and then you said
which is
a problem like literally straight after
and I thought I was that was quite a
clever point that you made plus it also
shows your intelligence that you're
thinking a lot differently because at
that age it is all about fitting in it
is all about being the coolest kid on
the block getting the most likes on
Instagram and being that that kind of
person what I want to ask you is when
you start to be yourself and things were
more positive and obviously you know is
this and you've just explained it do you
know why you wasn't yourself prior to
that I just think are always quite since
since being young I've always been quite
observant a bit more like bit or not
always been an awful thinker I'm not
sure why I just I've always thought that
I need to be doing more than I need then
I am or I need to be doing pair but you
can't be because like that's that's
where I got to university now and I've
only just realized now that you can't be
perfect in everything you do and me
being like a lot of perfectionist when I
was in school you know I was about to
get the best grades etc you know GCSE
was okay you know six form I did quite
well and I just thought you could be
perfect but as a human you just can't be
perfect so then I started to realize
just be myself I'm always gonna have my
flaws as everybody else will have the
floors it just depends who wants to stay
with you and still accept your flaws and
accept you you want 100 percent I think
you just hit the nail on the head there
as humans you can't be perfect there is
no such thing as perfect and this is one
of the things that I suppose even when I
started this podcast it was to show
people look I'm just a shy person I'm an
anxious person even in this conversation
with yourself on making mistakes um for
getting my words and stuff as well and
sometimes it's about embracing your
vulnerabilities your weaknesses and then
next time just trying to be a little bit
better so I think that's a very good
lesson for anyone in your situation and
just I'm gonna finish it actually on
another thing that you mentioned as well
which was when you said in relation to
how people may not have the same intent
as you is that it's okay you learn from
it and it sounds easier in hindsight but
I think if we can all take our
experiences your life not not as a
personal attack but more as a sort of
learning experience I think it helps
your mental sanity a lot more so I've
had people for example where a similar
situation to yourself where I'm thinking
why hasn't that worked out or why is the
person acting in this way that you know
a normal person wouldn't think is
ethical
or the right way and rather than
dwelling on that and then thinking I'm
not worthy of receiving a good person in
my life what I do is I take that as a
lesson and I think okay fair enough that
person's got what they wanted out of
this relationship but next time I'll
have more experience and I'll be wiser
from it and if a similar type of person
comes along I will know to move on away
from that situation if that makes sense
yeah like even what I said like it's
like even whoever is it can only be a
lesson a blessing or like you know like
they're there for life whether it's a
friend or a family member
absolutely absolutely so we've touched
on University and how you've developed
in terms of one trying to find out
exactly who you are you feel a lot more
comfortable now in the way that you are
you've slid into my DMS you happily
speak into other people I think that's a
great way that we should be in the world
especially coming from a very shy person
I wish I had the confidence just to kind
of put my hand out or just smile at
people openly in the world because even
through my very short experience on this
podcast I've met some incredible people
and I realize that I'm at my happiest
when I'm connecting with people and when
I'm getting on with people so I think
it's fantastic that you're doing that at
such a young age what have you done
since University or what are you looking
to now achieve moving forward in life
moving forward obviously on your first
year Aston University doing business
management great unique kind of the
typical thing probably I'd be void yes I
want IT typical thing but all in all
from young always like I'm just always
wanting to be self-employed it's not
that like okay it's decent working for
people if they give you decent benefits
but what I find is that if you can
control your own destiny and you can
build what you want to build him it may
not be something that you know now like
even me I'm still like what do I do
do I go this way do I go that way it's
still not no but I guess there's still
time to figure it out it's not like life
is short but it's also long as well and
you know there is some days but you'll
be lazy and there's some days where you
just don't have a clue what you do but
it's like pretty much everybody's faking
it until they can make it basically in
their own ways which is not a bad thing
how can everybody know what's going on
really because then really trying to
figure themselves out figure where their
foundations are in the world for me I
want to build my sample the best I can
be
my parents have allowed me to have a lot
of freedom and it's right like even
people come up to me
whyyou moment that's all like cool with
you what like that my dad is my dad
he'll know when to tell me like straight
to the point
but he'll even have a conversation with
me like we're like best friends wish I
look and the same thing I can do with my
mama's also you know I'm glad that had
parents like that got two lovely sisters
as well you know they're growing up now
you don't even realize how much they're
growing up until you actually see them
you thinking that how did you get taller
it's all a crazy one even myself I look
in the mirror I think where did this
beard come from I always wanted to be at
this person's got a beard why can I have
one but they just comes in your own time
as everything does absolutely unlike for
myself you know I think for the Barrett
barrage I am today like I would say for
myself I'm a loving caring humble but
more selective person based on the
experience that I've already had because
life is already hard as it is life's
already the responsibility is gonna
start ended up piling up anyways so
there's no point it would be negative
you could have just got to try be as
positive as possible absolutely I think
that's really well said and this
actually helped me massively my mindset
and hopefully can help the listeners as
well is the moment I realize that every
single person is just figuring it out
and regardless of their external
appearance or how they seem to have it
all together and realize it actually
they don't and just like you just like
me just like the person listen to this
we're all just figuring it out
nobody's give us the perfect blueprint
for life I don't believe that one exists
yeah I think it's brilliant that you
know that on 19 because at 19 I was I
think I was starting you need do my
first qualification and I had no idea
what I was doing I didn't know what I
wanted to become the kind of person I
want you to be remembered for
I was not aligning anything with my
values on my ethics and this is
something that obviously you're now
going through that journey and everyone
around your age is gonna actually go
through but I think if you can all just
take one lesson away and just know that
you don't have to have it all figured
out in fact I'm now under a little bit
older where I'm still trying to figure
out what am I going to be doing in the
next five years in ten years and what
happens is as we start to grow as people
through our own personal development our
awareness
be more selective which I thought was a
brilliant thing that you pointed out as
well then you're automatically find
yourself moving towards things that you
love and
your passion projects hence my podcast
here so I said brilliant and today like
I said you're a lot wiser than I was at
your age hopefully thank you hopefully
you continue so I was going to ask you
about your routine but I'm pretty
certain I know how most uni students
live their life at uni so here's and
there's nothing wrong with that because
it's all it's all part and parcel of the
journey I mean my university meeting was
literally vodka kabobs hangover and
whatever whatever I could find on TV so
exactly so I'm not gonna embarrass you
about that but I want to move on to
something that might be able to give
somebody again some value from this
interview is about adversity so if you
can think of maybe like a time and I
know you're still young yet but I still
believe that we become the kind of
people we are because of the lessons of
the journeys that we go through so if
you could think of a lesson of adversity
or a problem that you face and then more
importantly once you've shared that if
you could just tell us what you learned
from it can i this question if I - okay
because I think what I found has given
me the biggest shock this year is
holding on to people okay you know
having expectations of people because it
told me a lot this year because you know
you know how it is lobbying a young lad
you think these are my boys man these
are doing it all I'm gonna do it as well
you know and it will work in the same
cycle and don't get me wrong it's all
good to have your friends your boys
whatever you want to call them but you
have to realize when your energy is not
being valued or serving you and somebody
if they're not going to value it because
a lot of people are just there to pretty
much just take the mick and they'd
already care what's going on your life
they just won't know because if you
aren't doing better than them thinking
why can't I do that myself as well that
you know again not in an arrogant way
are all like you know I'm friends with
girls I don't see them like any
different 2ml you know we're human at
the end of the day and a fun you know
sometimes you know it may sound bad to
say as well you know more for gender
equality and stuff but sometimes girls
are just a bit more sensible with their
thinking you're a fee
so whereas lads will just be like well
we'll be looking at each other what do
you want to do your should we have a
drink shall we do this mainly it just
depends on the crowd that you surround
yourself with so once you find that
right crowd that's when it will be all
good and well but it's just fine in that
right crowd and finding who you to stay
away from here to stay with you know I
seek quite a lot of validation from
others as well
well all in all I don't need to worry
about if it's good for myself and when I
look back at it now it was good it was
great every single time
and if I didn't look at other people all
the time then you know I would have
started to appreciate myself a lot
earlier but now I'm glad that I'm snow
young and still learning now learning
now that I only need to worry about if
it looks good for me and not anybody
else because you're the only one that
you have in this world you know you have
your family that you keep close friends
you you know friends are the family that
you choose and you know y'all needed to
care what you think of yourself as a
whole and a fair for you that you can
really trust and that's the bottom line
really for me absolutely Matt I think
that's a brilliant point that you just
made there and I think some of the stuff
that you're explaining now isn't stuff
that I believed that we had to go
through especially my generation or the
generations older than myself because
the whole getting validation from your
peers or getting validation from social
media it's become a massive massive
problem in society
and you also touched on a very good
point as well in relation to women being
more sensitive and more I suppose open
to talking about their feelings and this
is something that I really want to try
and work on in the future is getting men
to open up about their vulnerabilities
and talk about their weaknesses and all
things that they struggle with because
male suicide is far too high for what it
should be in fact it should never be
mental health is obviously poor as well
with males as well and I just think we
have such a bravado and this kind of we
have to show strength all the time that
we're almost too afraid to kind of speak
and it causes problems so I think it's
great that maybe it's you as an
individual hopefully it's more
widespread across your community that
you guys are at least acknowledging that
there is this lead here in your society
so I think that's brilliant I think it's
also important that anyone in your age
range or anyone going through what
you're going through doesn't seek
validation externally it's all about
receiving internal validation first
you've got to love yourself before
anyone else out they can love you
because irrespective of what they say
when it comes down to it you sit in your
own mind on a daily basis on your bottom
your mind can be your best friend or it
can actually be your enemy so you really
need to work on that so it's reassuring
for me listening to you to know that
you're in a much better place understand
I mean I think like even how you saying
they're sorry to cut you off is no no
you can with mental health and you know
that even as you said the suicide goal I
didn't
that myself that male suicide is going
up but with mental health like I find it
such a big cuz even myself like I won't
sit here and I say I haven't been for it
myself I have because I always think
like you know I've been there in my bed
feeling low as how old you know feeling
feeling rock but I'm thinking you know
and people will say to me what do you
have to stress about you're only 18 19
and that's okay that's so cool that's
there like we used to get on with it
back in the day but it's just it's not
the same because we've got all this
access to social media nowadays we've
got people trying to make themselves
look better put like different like you
know brightnesses on their pictures or
increase the brightness of their face on
their pictures and you know you may meet
some people they don't like this day and
then they're not actually like what
we've been trying to portray they are
and social media and that's what F's it
all up because you can't betray yourself
to be something on social media and when
you meet the person you like well this
person just the whole different spectrum
and with mental health advice it's
always like you can you can do better
than the other person who you can F over
the other person who can keep on going
until some like it's like a it's like a
rat race like a wolf kind of like a wolf
pack sort of thing who can be the the
wolf that climbs at the my own first and
and all the other ones are trying to
like basically just drag him down and
it's hard because you know even with
Punjabi community once again they're
always like well if you say to them that
you have a mental health problem well
they'll just be like okay no problem
just deal with it yeah I mean it can't
be that way because I'll getting worse
now and there's only more awareness
about it now because of social media
which the benefits of social media as
well and all this kind of stuff I think
that's a that's a great point and again
for the listeners that it's a lot harder
and I kind of do sympathise with you
guys coming up in this generation where
social media has this good parts but it
has this kind of evil tail to it as well
where I never had to deal with that so
growing up for me when I was going to
university and we were drinking and
partying his sir
we were never worried about taking snaps
or or having a whole night out looking
through the lens of our phone it was
just kind of being there in the moment
in experience in it and then our
self-worth wasn't pretty much like that
oh absolutely and at the same time our
self-worth wasn't predicated on the fact
of when we go home at the end of that
night who got the most likes on that for
the most engagement for example so I'm
very grateful for that and I think it's
important that you mentioned that but I
just want to say something else that you
mentioned as well because you've said it
a few times now and it's probably more
so because of your
is that you seen everyone F each other
over because of like you're almost
seeing it like a rat race and I think
the rat race thing is an important thing
and I've tweeted something this morning
it was taken from Wayne died and it's a
very good quote which i think is quite
useful for where we are right now in
this show and what he says is we're in
partnership with all other human beings
it's not a contest to be judged better
than some and worse than others and I
think if we all sin ourselves a sort of
partnering up with humans and trying to
help each other move forward in this
life because at the end of the day we're
all figuring it out as we've touched on
earlier I think the world will be in
such a better place but we have this
scarcity mindset where we think in order
for me to move forward I have to stand
on somebody else or put somebody else
aside as opposed to saying yeah why do I
hold your hand and we'll move together
and you're always quicker and stronger
together so I think it's reassuring to
hear that you're you've got that mindset
and I think if you remain selective like
you mentioned earlier I think you'll get
the right network around you to
obviously help yourself move forward I
think what it is as I it's always that
you've got you right it's always at all
and everything as well it's like that's
if you want to create a business right
it's always a trial and everything where
humans are like you may trust one and
then they may break your trust and you
merge that listen with your whole heart
and that's not bad that's not that
shouldn't people shouldn't beat
themselves up if that happens because
it's a learning lesson that means that
person wasn't meant to be in your life
and that means that there's better to
come because even even anyways that
you've got to have some good days to
have some bad days you've got to have
some bad days to have some good days
it's just as simple as that and you just
gotta take the positives that are very
from that you can't absolutely me
absolutely yes sir very wise words for a
19 year old so appreciate I'll get at me
so you're now in your first year
University you've made massive strides
with your talent and your emotional
intelligence is really really high which
is nice to hear what saves you very good
question
currently in my life at the moment what
scares me is not being able to provide a
comfortable life for our potential
future wife and kids you know not be
enough hub I'm a family now my mom dad
my sisters you know they're gonna want
to get married and well yeah I think
they're gonna need help with fine like
finance is not the be end and end all
but it does make life with more freedom
more comfort so you know if there's
something that I
dude help them make their life easier
and maybe I don't know let's say I had
another source of income I could give it
to them I'd be happy to do that but it's
just you've got a we're card for these
things my mom you know she's a teacher
herself so you know I always see yes
she's always stressed out so she's
always coming you know she'll be with
work all day she'll be coming back in
the market papers you know tour about
9:00 10:00 at night I don't know she
does it and then repeat the day my
biggest fear is not making their life
easier and my biggest fear is not being
able to provide a comfortable life for
myself and the family around me
I think you've almost answered the next
question as well which I was going to
ask about the motivation so it seems
that your motivation right now is to be
able to successfully graduate and then
provide different streams of income to
facilitate one obviously your sister's
getting married helping your parents at
home and then obviously giving yourself
the kind of life that you want as well
yeah because like even for me as well
and working under people just kind of
get under my skin a bit to be honest but
you're gonna have to do the minute you
agree for a couple years of your life
because that's the way it is when you're
young as well you know people have told
me that that's the way and you just
gotta work hard you've got to keep your
chin up which is not a problem
so like currently now I'm working at
Nando's which is not a problem I'm happy
I'm happy for the free Nando's I can't
complain but it's a good job for me now
but could I see myself doing that when
I'm what thirty years old I wouldn't
like to think so often - because you
know even though it's a good job you
know dealing with customers that
straight rude or having so much pressure
put on you and you know running back and
forth running back and forth it's all
good while I'm young but maybe when I
get older maybe I may not just have that
energy that's interesting firstly I'm
hoping I get a free round after this
podcast session is on oh yeah that's
just as good the weird thing is the
reason I'm touching on does is one
everyone knows I absolutely love Danlos
but tea when I was at university it just
opened on Birmingham Broad Street and I
remember sitting there oh I worked
literally all the way through University
so I went to the same uni as you
Aston uni and I always had a job no
Wayans yeah yes I had a job on the
weekends and my aim I remember when
Nando's opened after trying it I was
like man I really wish I had a job at
Nano so it's funny how the world works
but there was a point in time where
having a job at Nando's was literally my
dream job at least for that period in
one yeah time so appreciate where you
are
appreciate or the good thing
be grateful for everything that's coming
your way now it's taught me like you
know it's told me that hard to grit my
teeth who went there a lot of rude
customers come in so you have to look
after it like it's like it sounds a bit
weird like it's like your own family you
have to keep it clean the place because
that's where people are going to come in
like you know if you come into the story
you want to make sure everything is
clean you want to make sure the food's
on point cannot attend not 9 out of 10
because it's not if it's not 10 out of
10 then you know you're not going to be
happy with the service at all you know
have a smile on your face and just keep
on going like keep your chin up even
when it gets hard like even for me
sometimes I'll be like I'm just touching
my forehead thinking flirty arm and I
need a break but you just got to keep on
going absolutely me absolutely we're
actually at the fun part the show now
there is no right or wrong answer but
just try and say the first thing that
comes in your head we're gonna go in
three two one
if you could abolish one thing in the
world what would it be judgmental people
peanut butter and Nutella peanut butter
your biggest role model biggest role
more mom what would you like to be
remembered for being Who I am your
biggest goal this year to just keep on
working hard no matter how hard it gets
your worst mistake is listening to other
people about a certain person if you
could relive one day again what day
would it be 26 of May two years ago why
it was just everybody was there
family friends you know we was at my
house and it was just you just wanted
most be of things you know honestly I
read I really loved that day I loved it
the ability to fly or be invisible
invisible when your fame that's a hard
on max I'm thinking well with things you
can get money but then what I say money
your favorite food the mix grown and
okay speak our languages will be able to
speak to animals animals what song best
describes your life Dizzee Rascal
bonkers would you rather know how you
would die or when you would die and
finally if you could sit with one person
in the world for an hour who would it be
probably my baby my grandma I love that
so the next question it's about
reflection and I'm a firm believer that
hindsight is a wonderful thing and it
teaches us ways to get there quicker
easier and we're less heartache
but I'm also an avid believer that the
journey teaches us so much as well in
terms of his lessons so what I want to
know is if you could go back in time to
one particular moment knowing everything
that you know right now and whisper
something to a younger barrage what
would you say I just said to myself I'd
say barrage do you not worry it will all
come to you in the end you will not end
up failing you are not a quitter
you are not inclined to please other
people put yourself first say no if you
don't want to do it it's as simple as
that
enjoy the present moment more don't look
too much into the future ruining your
full process already and don't look back
with pain in your heart these are the
broken pieces of the puzzle which you
saw might end up still piecing together
have fun and live life enjoy your youth
don't look too much into girls
alcohol or any other distractions just
try and discipline yourself more keep
yourself closed off but keep yourself
living and humble always may I love that
I want you to do me a favor after this
podcast and actually send me that
written form and that was almost like
poetic you mentioned something there
these are the broken pieces and the
puzzle that's still in the piecing
together but I want to do it just this
so if you can send me that at your
transcript or what I'll do is I'm
actually gonna bring them out separately
no problem I mean I even I even do have
a separate poetry account as well that I
do must like check it out if you have
any time yeah it's on my new profile but
it's on its good word under school and
school oh okay check that as well
brilliant so suddenly that actually
brings us to the last question and the
last question that I always ask my guess
is if in a 150 years time science fails
to save us and all that exists is a book
and this book is about you and
everything that you've achieved in your
life all your weird and wonderful dreams
have been accomplished what I want to
know is firstly what would the title of
the book say and secondly what would the
blurb at the back tell us about you I
wrote yesterday I said you know he was
like I know other he persevered like no
other he had himself he was elegant
clean hearted charming and crazy he
would always go the extra mile for those
who were close to his heart at times end
up here
all in all he always tried to see the
bright side of life the world is already
too cold and entangled in its own
pleasures to not be positive
of that as powerful have you got a title
for that the title the life of an
inquisitive man brilliant me if you
wouldn't mind could you give us the best
sources via social media where we can
contact you Instagram I love being on
instagram my instagram is under school
beat up for a while its be PU or e w al
quite active on snapchat as well is beat
up for a while again be pu r e w al
they're the main ones I'm active on to
be honest ok no problem so what I'll do
is for everyone listening today I'm
gonna make sure I put all of the links
so you can contact barrage directly very
social media as you've probably seen
from some of these answers today's very
poetic so I'll be following them on his
Instagram poetry handle as well myself
straight after this
I want to thank Mirage for being open
about his story and sharing it and
hopefully this influences and inspires
many others and I want to thank everyone
at home for listening thank you thank
you and remember this podcast is
absolutely free so all we ask in return
is for you to share this with a friend
and drop us a five star review over on
iTunes have an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
How to deal with overwhelm #25 by Aren Deu
Tagline: "Overwhelm was the main driver behind my anxiety"
Overwhelm, whether it comes through your to-do list, your emotions or thoughts is something that can cripple you. It can cause undue stress that has negative connotations on your life. For me dealing with overwhelm has been an uphill struggle personally for years, but through self development and working on myself I have found ways to combat it, reduce it or at the very least recognise why it appears.
It is something that affects, children, teenagers, women, men and even the elderly but the positive thing about it, is that it can be managed. I hope these tips and tricks and me sharing my own vulnerabilities with overwhelm encourage you to never shy from your weaknesses and to express them, share them and then tackle them to grow.
I hope you all have an amazing day and get in touch via any of the social media handles below and let's connect and continue this movement.
P.s. remember any new reviews on iTunes, just send me a screenshot either on twitter, instagram or to my email and ill send you the diet and gym plan as promised. It will likely be a 7-day window due to the volume of listeners.
Thanks for listening
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Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren Deu a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so recently I've been
getting quite a few requests to discuss
this topic that I'm gonna be speaking to
you about today overwhelmed because I
suppose when you see people on Instagram
and they're doing weird and wonderful
things almost 24 hours a day you you
start to think how on earth are they
managing to keep that going now again
I've spoken about all this previously in
relation to Instagram or Facebook being
a kind of highlight reel so don't always
take everything on 100% face value the
likelihood is there are also some bad
moments and a lot of failures along the
way and one of my failures I suppose or
should I call it learning experiences
was my anxiety and as many of you now
know because the intro reminds us every
single time in Zayat it was something
that really did cripple me for the best
part of theyi
odd years and it's not something that I
could say I've actually completely got
rid of so one of the key drivers behind
my anxiety was definitely overwhelm and
it was something that when it happened
it would come from Norway and it would
consume me in that moment and almost
paralyzed me into doing anything now
obviously through learning and working
on a lot of self-development
I'm able to now kind of at least
mitigate the impact of it but also just
try and have a few hacks that will
basically make me at least seem like a
normal functioning human afterwards so I
think it's important that obviously I'd
give you some of the causes as to why
some of us may feel overwhelmed but more
importantly just before I begin what I
want to do is just put my cards on the
table be
some of you out there might be a bit
embarrassed to speak about the things
that you're overwhelmed about so I
figured if I kind of embarrass myself
right here right now on this podcast and
then hopefully as a resort that you
won't feel as embarrassed or as shy to
share your views as well because I do
believe that sometimes when we share our
anxieties especially with the people
close to us they become more sympathetic
and they become more understanding of
our situations so one of the things that
I used to get anxious about was not
responding to messages quick enough now
this could be a text message it could be
a whatsapp or it could be an email the
level of anxiety when I send my phone
bleep and if in that moment I couldn't
respond because I was eating or I was
watching something with the missus or
whatever it was it would almost consume
me and make me very anxious especially
when I used to drive as well it's the
worst thing in the world when you hear
your text go off in the car and you're
thinking shit I need to respond
especially as an anxious wreck like
myself the second one was being late and
I remember this even as a young kid
where my auntie used to take me and my
cousin sister to school and she'd always
be late and I would be standing there
with my bags ready for school almost
getting into this unbelievable
uncontrollable mess and I'll be
stressing in case I've got told up by
the teacher he would then tell my
parents and then I get in trouble from
them so I used to have all these
scenarios player in my head and as far
as I could remember I don't think I ever
actually got in trouble but yeah belay
is it's one of the things that I really
struggle with and it's probably why one
of my pet peeves is people actually
being late the third one was my
anticipation of dogs so growing up I had
a massive fear of dogs having been
chased by one on a holiday in Canada so
I would almost make up this scenario
that every house I was gonna go and
visit or every house that I would cross
or watch me I would turn down they would
just randomly be a dog there and then
that would obviously cripple me and make
me feel like a nervous wreck to be
understand and elevate my heart rate it
made me sweaty for no reason and it
would just make that day unbearable at
least until I realized that most of the
houses I went to never had dogs and then
the final one was always just being
anxious for no apparent reason I would
wake up I'd be in an absolutely funk
I'd be feeling overwhelmed by stuff and
it was just so difficult to really
understand why I was feeling this way so
that's me
that's my cards on the table hopefully
that makes you feel a little bit better
because I can't imagine you having
anything as embarrassing as that so to
move this forward what I want to do in
this episode is to give you guys tips I
want to give you guys tips that I use
personally and tips from other experts
as well in the world to basically make
sure that you're not consuming yourself
and wasting energy on stuff that doesn't
want matter but to stops you from doing
the things that you need to be doing to
make yourself happy and fulfilled so
let's begin by thinking of the common
causes behind overwhelm and stress I
think the first one is expectation and
this is probably one of the main
number-one sources for stress and
overwhelm across the world if I'm
completely honest with you it's trying
to satisfy the expectation that we place
unnecessarily not just on ourselves but
also on others as well so sometimes
we're expecting people to idea to our
way and that's not always the case but
sometimes we also expect too much of
ourselves as well so number one is
expectation moving on to number two is
when you take on too much now if you're
anything like me and you follow me on
Instagram or through my social media
activities I'm trying to do a bit of
everything and there are times when
everything's going fine but then there
are also times when I'd do burnout and I
do still struggle with overwhelm I'm
here trying to make a social enterprise
for mental health I'm working on my
podcast I'm working on my personal brand
I'm working with clients I do a little
bit of personal training here and there
I try and work out myself I have a
property business as well and so much
more so it can become daunting
especially when you have friends and
family and just other things that you
want to be doing on a daily basis so
that's something that I would certainly
make sure that you're not trying to take
on too much and you're not trying to
solve all the world problems all at once
another one little bit similar to
expectations but it's about putting
pressure on yourself and if you're
anything like me I always kind of had
this voice in my head and he just kind
of highlights all of the things that I
do
wrong in fact that's pretty much all it
was doing at one point in time so if I
wasn't eating well enough if I wasn't
working out well enough or if I wasn't
working as hard as I should have on that
day
I would almost be lit on myself and my
self-worth and my value would almost
decrease day by day and what I realized
was that I was just trying my best as we
were love you all kind of go through
life and we try our best with whatever
resources we have available but in that
moment I could be working absolutely
fine for six days 16 hours a day and
then if I choose to have a day off I was
putting this pressure on myself that one
I needed to get to my goals a lot
quicker and to that I just wasn't worthy
of that time off and boy was that a
roller coaster of emotions and again
overwhelm and just unnecessary stress so
if that's you make sure you take off
that pressure there is a thing called
escapism and it's something that I
started to do recently and just try and
reflect back and think what are the
things that make me happy is it really
gonna make me that much happier if I end
up burning out and then all of a sudden
I can't work for X amount of days just
for the sake of working that Sunday it
just might not be and the next one is
perfectionism so I had this almost like
a a proud badge of honor that I was a
perfectionist and I suppose it was one
of the things I used to use in
interviews as a sort of when they used
to ask the question what is your
weakness because it's one of those you
can kind of turn it around but being a
perfectionist actually sabotage a lot of
my progress especially my early years
whereas now if you follow me again on
any of my social media outlets I just
kind of say what I want to say and it's
out there and I'll make a lot of
spelling mistakes I'll make a lot of
editing mistakes even on my podcast is a
couple of podcasts I'm not sure if
you've heard previously where some of
the sound is a little bit mumbo-jumbo
and yeah it's just kind of that whole
analogy of let's not try and be perfect
now let's just try and move forward 1% a
day and that certainly helps me rather
than trying to make sure everything's
perfect because let's be honest nobody
is perfect for a start and you're never
going to be perfect without trying in
the first place so the best way to do it
is by taking a swing of the bat day
after day day after day putting in those
reps and over
time you start to perfect your craft you
still probably won't be perfect but it
certainly does take that pressure off
you next up we have control now this is
one that I'm sure many of you can relate
with but if you're anything like me I'm
a little bit of a control freak so I
like to do a lot of things myself hence
why I'm kind of I suppose overworking
and when it comes to outsourcing it's
very difficult for me to kind of hand
over the control and that's not to say
I'm the greatest at what I do because
there are people who can do so many
other things I do on a daily basis so
much better but it's just handing over
that control that initial bit of saying
here you go that's something I really
struggle with in life and I'm pretty
sure many of you listening today can
obviously relate to that as well so
that's basically five I suppose
ingredients as to why people generally
feel stressed and overwhelmed okay so
now that you know what the causes are
for ends ie
and overwhelm what I'm gonna now give
you is just some tips and tricks on
things that you can do now this list
it's compiled not just through the
things that I do but it's also compiled
from a lot of research that I've been
doing over the years as well because I
am very very passionate about personal
development none of us are perfect and
it's all about trying to be better each
time so through the books that I've read
and through my own experiences I've just
clay in a list now I think there's about
10 or 15 so hopefully it won't keep you
for too long but what I would recommend
is that after this show maybe if you
just make a few notes because if some of
you are driving right now you might not
be able to recognize all of these and
then maybe just try one or two of them
every time you may feel a sense of
overwhelm in your life okay so the first
one is meditation or just taking a
moment to be still now the reason I say
taking a moment to be still is because I
don't actually meditate but I know the
benefits of it from people who do
meditate but one of the things that I've
started to do is just try and be present
in that moment now you're probably
thinking this is a little bit
counterintuitive because on one end of
the scale I have all of these things
that I need to do because the world's
gonna end if I don't do them but on the
other side you're telling me to just
take a break
yes I'm telling you to take a break and
I'm telling you to take a break for a
simple reason that you need to start to
think logically you need to start
thinking with a clear
head and you're not gonna do that in
this mumbo-jumbo fashion where you're
trying to do everything all at once
because let's face it nobody Komori
tusks our brains are wired in a way that
we actually just switch between tasks so
it's almost like a web browser where you
switching between tabs yes you can move
on to different tabs but you're going to
lose a sense of flow because you're
gonna have to find out where you were
the last time you were looking at that
web page and it just doesn't work so
what you ideally want to do is focus and
you only want to focus on one thing you
only want to focus on one thing at any
one time so anyway back to the point you
want to be still and you want to be
present in a very quick way can do this
is literally by taking notice of exactly
where you are so as I sit here now
recording this I am sitting on my sofa I
have one leg crossed and one leg on the
floor there's quite an unusual position
but I can film my feet on the floor so
it gives me that sense of touch I can
feel my forearm on my left thigh and I
can feel my lips are pretty dry as well
because it was a bit of a crazy weekend
so what about you just done there in
that very quick moment is just make
myself present in relation to my
surroundings by doing that it reduces
your stress and your ins ie as well and
it just brings your heart rate down ever
so little number to try and tick off
something straight away something off
your list and this is why a lot of
people make the bed or they work out
very quickly in the morning where they
have a point of water or they have their
vitamins first thing in the day and it's
actually one of the few things that I do
as well so all those little things are a
little point that I do in the day
because you kind of feel like you
achieve something almost instantly so
yes it might not be the highest priority
thing but just taking off those few
things certainly reduces that incredible
monumental made up by the way and list
of things in your head that you can't
physically do in one day because let's
be honest the list that we make in our
heads
it's almost made out to be a lot more
difficult and a lot more time-consuming
than it actually is the next one is
postpone anything that doesn't matter so
this is something that you can actually
adopt eisenhower's urgent an important
principle
now again just simply google this and
what it is it's basically four quadrants
and in those scenarios you have the
first one being important and urgent the
next one important but not urgent then
you have not important but urgent and
then you have not important and not
urgent now obviously if you listen to
this on a podcast it's a hell of a lot
easier to go and have a look at what it
looks like and the reason you want to do
this is because what you want to focus
on is compiling these to-do lists
compiling all these tasks that are
overwhelming you and making you feel
like you need to almost do them
instantly and start to place them in
their right boxes for example something
like doing the Hoover in your house or
speaking to a potential lead now if
you're an entrepreneur you start in your
business in my personal opinion it's a
lot more important for you to go and try
and get leads as opposed to doing the
Hoover now you could be procrastinating
by doing the Hoover and trying to work
away from it but you really want to
focus on what are the things that move
you forward one in terms of your
happiness and your fulfillment but two
in terms of producing income for you so
try to this exercise it'll take you ten
fifteen minutes but you can really start
to understand the kind of things that
you're placing into each different
quadrant now I will say in relation to
this is when you have something that is
important but it's not urgent just be
mindful that one day it will be
converging so if you don't do it at some
stage it's gonna creep up and it's gonna
comment to that to-do list that's gonna
instantly overwhelm you so make sure
that list isn't too big because
obviously as life comes on we start
adding more and more things to our life
and then when that hits you at the same
time here comes the overwhelm next one
we have is set realistic goals I've been
very fortunate to work with selling
people now who I'm now trying to coach
and help them move forward in their
lives and I am all for being optimistic
I'm all for grand Cardinals theory of
10x and trying to be the best I'm really
trying to put yourself out there and
make a difference not only to yourselves
but to society but let's be honest if
you've come from a place where you've
not made any money and then all of a
sudden you want to make 10 million
pounds in the next 12 months it's very
unlikely now I'm not here to say it's
impossible the
that's not really the purpose of this
shop what I'm here to say is and one of
the things that I want to do in this
show is to look after your well-being
and your mental and physical state so it
would be foolish of me to say yeah just
like ten million and all of a sudden
you're going to achieve 10 million
because the fact of the matter is unless
you're one of the top one or two percent
entrepreneurs in the world it's probably
gonna be very unlikely that you can be
able to facilitate a business to make
that kind of money straight away but how
realistic goals have realistic goals
that you will have maybe replace your
income for example or you would have
made half a million pounds 1 million
pounds listen the fact of the matter is
it just needs to be realistic based on
your resources your skill set the time
you have available and the actual market
itself so make sure you have a real
thing a realistic thing but the same
time do stretch yourself as well don't
go out there and say I want to make
1,000 pounds a month when really that's
pretty easy especially if you work hard
enough and you do the right things
next up lean on people and delegate and
this is a game going back to you the
kind of the Hoover example that I used
so for example I don't like doing the
housework and we're already the highest
weight for me it kind of stops my flow
I almost get overwhelmed and stressed at
the feeling that I have to do it so
initially what I used to do was a hire
someone I used to pay someone 8 pounds
an hour
she's the common bless her heart and she
used to do all the tasks that I didn't
want to do now it was them my duty to
make sure that I was bringing in income
or produces something that in the future
will bring in income that would be more
than 8 pounds an hour and that is
basically leverage so for example back
six or seven years ago I was personal
training and I was charging about thirty
five pounds and I went solve for me it
was better for me to just go and get
myself another client Rodman's walking
around the house for an hour trying to
tidy up
whereas I could just pay someone eight
pounds an hour so value your time and
lean on people or delegate so put on
your resources look at who's in your
network that you can work with and who
you can help and not only that it helps
you in return so number seven this is
changing your energy now it's really
that you get used to changing energy and
one of the things I preach on my fitness
channels is about being healthy and go
to the gym and stay inactive because
energy creates energy this might sound
really crazy but it does so have you
ever had those days where you're just
sitting around all day
you're not even hungover and you just
been watching TV you've almost watched
all season of Netflix and all of a
sudden you just feel absolutely
lethargic that's because you're not
creating any energy so in moments of
overwhelm or when you're getting overly
stressed one of the things you want to
do is change your state now Tony Robbins
does this better than anyone and you'll
see him jumping around on the stage and
I'm not necessarily saying if you're in
the workplace or you're out in public
that you need to just start jumping up
and down on the spot although that would
be pretty funny and if you do do it make
sure you tag me in on social media while
you're doing it but something as simple
as doing a couple of press ups doing a
couple of squats taking a walk taking a
jog something that will just literally
move you from where you are now create
some level of energy and just by doing
that alone it will start to relieve you
of tension it will release endorphins
and it will over time start to make you
feel less overwhelmed so you probably
see me now workout twice a day and the
reason I do that is because firstly I
like to put a win in my daily diary as
soon as I wake up because then I know if
shit hits the fan and it's a very very
difficult day full of obstacles and
problems I've still done something to
benefit my health and then the second
one normally comes after about lunchtime
once I've had half of the day of work
and then I just want to kind of think
creatively so then I go for a second
exercise session and just by doing that
one I release my stress I get to listen
to some music sometimes I have the
occasional podcast on but then as soon
as I come back from that I'm feeling
refreshed and I'm feeling creative again
and finally number eight this is where
I'm gonna leave it guys I could talk
about this for ages if you did found
this useful and you want me to kind of
do a part two because I've got like
another 20 points here please do let me
know
but the final one I'm gonna go is just
to remember in the grand scheme of
things be stressed out about whatever it
is whether it's doing the laundry
whether it's one deadline for example or
whether it's making sure the dishes are
washed is it really that important
now I know obviously we're moving the
state of overwhelm is very difficult to
think logically I fully appreciate that
but if you can just sit there maybe make
yourself present as I mentioned before
maybe change your state as soon as
you've done that and then just sit there
and think okay I'm getting overwhelmed
because I have X Y & Z to do and then
think how important are these if God
forbid I wasn't able to do it by
tomorrow or the day after would my life
be over and you'll probably realize your
life isn't gonna be over and again this
probably comes down to all the pressures
that you put on yourself the
expectations and it's just about being
more mindful in the moment so hopefully
you found this useful I again I really
do enjoy these kind of single solo
episodes because I feel I'm able to
obviously give you guys tips on what
it's actually made me bear and again the
whole premise of finding your voice is
about overcoming our adversity
overcoming our pain and trying to find
ways to move forward to not only feel
happier more fulfilled but then be able
to give back into the world so guys as
always I do thank you so much for your
time I thank you all for the reviews
again we're starting to pick up some
more reviews as well if you follow me on
social media actually that's probably
the last time I'm gonna say that today
is I am offering a free gym plan for
four weeks and have dietary advice as
well it's gonna be absolutely free I
usually charge 70 pounds for it but it's
just going to be in relation to if you
can give us a review maybe share it on
social media and tag me in so I know who
you are then what I'll do is I'll get
your email address and I'll personally
send you this free diet plan so the way
I'm selling it at the minute is one you
be doing me a massive favor by helping
expand this movement getting more people
to follow find your voice more people to
change their lives and not become
victims and like I said on the last
episode start to become a victor of the
life and really take control of it but
to you'll also look great naked so on
that note I'm gonna leave it there and I
hope you all have an incredible week and
as always thanks for listening and
remember this podcast is absolutely free
so all we ask in return is for you to
share this with a friend and drop us a
five star review over on iTunes have an
awesome day
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Find your voice - Episode 24 "Victim Mentality" by Aren Deu #24
Tagline: "Take your power back now"
Avoiding a victim mentality is key to your success, happiness and fulfilment. Are you a victim or victor?
It is important we recognise our own behaviour and thoughts. It is our behaviour and thoughts that will dictate the quality of our actions and decisions to move us towards happiness, fulfilment and achieving our goals.
This episode covers 4 signs and examples that you may not be aware off, that someone with a victim mentality would showcase. If you can relate to these, don't despair. I have been there, as have most of the population but the key is to recognise this and develop your mindset and grow it to take your power back. Take accountability for your actions, grasp that power and confidence in your own decisions and change your mentality to achieve your goals and dreams.
Let's combat those excuses now and do and be better.
I hope you all have an amazing day and get in touch via any of the social media handles below and lets connect and continue this movement.
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhS
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Transcript
welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of flight your voice my name is art and as always I am the host of the show so today as you probably know is from the title I don't have a cast so you're actually stuck with me I'm gonna be speaking to you for the next policy hopefully five or ten minutes I'm not gonna keep it long because I'm conscious of your time I truly do appreciate you guys spending time with me for the short amount of Minnesota keep it nice a concise and stick to the topic so the topic today is up by your mentality and some of the victim mentality and this is something that I'm not necessarily what did not day because I'm trying to point the finger at someone trying to say you've got a victim mentality will turn it almost but someone in the spotlight because it's something that I've actually suffered with but the reason I want to talk about it is because I think deep down if you will sit down and think about it I think we've or how to victim mentality at some stage in our life and it's something that doesn't service is something that doesn't feel you will make you happy and this is something that I suppose if we break it down and we let you look at one of our life because the main thing we want is happiness and fulfillment so why do something that doesn't allow you to be happy and be fulfilled so this kind of brings me to the whole victim mentality and the reason I want to have this discussion with yourselves with though it's kind of a wall way discussion but I do you age you wore to open dialogue and you know follow me on Instagram by my you tube channel which I've just bought a brand new one or any other means for my social we don't happen to have this conversation with you I'm trying help you move forward so a couple of things I want to talk about if you find that you always blaming somebody else then you've got a victim mentality so if for instance you always think it someone's always follow its person ace voice Monday bass voice more moms photo is my siblings folk then there's something that you need to look at especially do this quite a lot because the common factor in order those situations is yourself so maybe you should step back and think maybe on the one that is probably at blame but I suppose when you have that mentality thinking about the it's not logical it's always easy to kind of pass the blame of pasta book and power so that's one reason the second is that if it's not a person for a almost become the universe is for software is slice for life to warn of a sudden got it in for me and you kind of have that mentality as well any gain because I've been there I've had that thing where why did it's going to break into song there but it's about trying to song isn't it why does it always rain on me and I was Travis in that video because it felt like the whole will what was kind of raining on me so M. that something is what I think you should look at as well and gain it all comes down to the section and if you really think about it and this isn't the best anyone's bubble but activists mon a long time ago we really not that important we are not that important that the universe conspires to commit gates this this seven billion plus people in this world it doesn't automatically think okay we're gonna talk in this one individual here make their life a misery so M. another thing you might think or find yourselves due to somebody with the victim mentality is be pessimistic with the time given a cynical person not when you sit around and there was the ray new energy now these are quite common actually unless you start changes Safeco so again if you are that person is not being that person but if you're around a person crime you away from me what he's trying to change their mind set or even back send them to the show and the last one which is one one elaborate on just ever so slightly is you become powerless I've been a victim mentality made she powerless and the reason it makes your policy because your always pass in the book you don't want to take any responsibility any accountability for with the situation that you pull on into your life so this is something that I need you guys to think about but I need you to get your power but because only by getting your pop up for you really got to be fulfilled are you really going to truly be happy and all you're going to have to make missiles in whatever aspect of your life is so a quick example I had a dodgy build a few years ago %HESITATION with me off ten twelve thousand times my first thought was it's useful if it wasn't for him I'll be absolutely fine but in hindsight and three working on my pace of development I realized it was a hundred percent my foe you see my daughter didn't like well I say my daughter he's known on the my bill this bill didn't wake up all of a sudden and think Hey I'm gonna head over to the house is not renovated and then I'm gonna put that person off no I got the pace new both I didn't do enough G. diligence I didn't check their previous record and check their accounts that in check if they even have money to start the job and I made so many mistakes from that and that's just one example but I'm sure you guys can all thing kind of similar examples I've day yourselves I need to buy it be responsible for it get your power back really try and think about why you'll possibly why you don't take any kind of B. Y. U. not changing your circumstances because at the end of the day if you continue to possible for the rest of your life you're gonna remain pretty much the same situation we have to develop this growth mindset we have to start to improve our quality of life the way we see ourselves and our confidence we have to combat people and one of the biggest ways to build confidence in the game the Serbian of episode the hopefully I can bring to you guys and you enjoy it is tips on building company is one of the best ways you can do to stop right this second is to stop taking accountability and sought changing the victim mentality and I've heard it used before think they quit a Victor mentality which I think is a very very good analogy so maybe change upward victim to Victor mentality so guys it's a nice weapons hold hopefully you don't mind the short side I think it's important I can engage with you guys as well and %HESITATION find your voice is about the people it's about you guys and try to really inspire at least one person today to go out there find their voice and really start changing the life at the same time I want to share my journey as well with you guys if you wouldn't mind as well I will try to bring you true value is all I connect with you is all because I felt is fantastic for me said in that interview with these amazing guests because they are actually amazing they inspire me every single day they made me grateful in everything the hive I have so much abundance of the more I listen to them the less excuse I make about my own life at the same time morning gauging my wood it's is all because if it wasn't for you guys we wouldn't be where we are today so I'm gonna leave it there I'm gonna as always thank you all for listening let me know how you found this episode let me know the kind of topics that you're interested in because I have got quiet avoid is aware when this time to go and %HESITATION I'm so we keep to its core it's about finding your voice as a metaphor as I said every single person this is actually my first one of let you record the video as well sometime in and you tell me to keep it nice and roll so I least you can see you guys I'm not perfect I'm still on this journey as well I'm still out here right models story find your voice was just the first thought in block and I just feel every day I get more more confident if I make a mistake it's my mistake all takeout accept it the wall do is honor from the experience I'll be better for it in the future I'm brief so I'm not no guys over thank you all once again if you do you get a chance to drop us a review on which is a must to be help if you can share it with somebody else getting massive help I will love you for the rest of my life you can as always thanks for listening and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
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Find your voice - Episode 23 "She's just a normal girl" by Kelli Doorne #23
Tagline: "Even when times are tough, she still believed that kindness was her super power and that's what got her through... " - Kelli Doorne
Kelli Doorne, has finally found her voice, and I am the first to say YES!
Kelli bravely, opens up and shares her story of how she left home in her teenage years and became homeless. Realising that she was opting to run away when things got bad during her young years, Kellis fight of flight response never saw her stand up take account and fight.
But things have moved on so much because, even as a struggling teenager who couldn't find her way in life she always relied upon her Kindness and believed deep down that this would supersede all her problems and see her through. In agreement with her thoughts, we both emphasise what a better place the world would be if we could all just be kind to one another and help each other more often, because it's the right thing to do.
On a final note, knowing how much courage this took from Kelli to openly come onto the podcast and share her story I want to acknowledge her for her bravery, for the work she does in Milton Keynes and wish her all the best in the future.
I also would urge you all to follow her journey but just don't tag her into anything that is related to Octopus!
Thanks for listening
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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Links to guest:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelli.doorne
Have an awesome day & #JustDeuit & #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host Aren
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so firstly I just want
to begin once again by saying thank you
to every single one of you who have
taken time out of your day to try and
listen to our episodes I hope you find
them inspiring and motivating and I hope
they at least add some level of
information or tangible actions and
steps that you can incorporate in your
life now moving on to today's episode
again this is somebody who I think is
perfect for this show it's somebody
who's struggled to almost find her voice
and somebody who has suffered with some
level of adversity but also in terms of
just sharing her story up until today
she's found her voice and alongside that
she's also in a position now where she
wants to have a positive impact on
people who are perhaps going through
similar situations so this is a
fantastic story with Kelly who suffered
with homelessness and quite a few other
ups and downs as well in her life but
more importantly what I really loved
about this story was how it kind of
segwayed into human qualities and we
ended up speaking a lot about kindness
now I'm not sure about you guys
listening but I personally think
kindness is one of the number-one
attributes that we should all what we
shouldn't be born with really but I
suppose some of us can perhaps learn to
be more kind but I think if you all had
that in the back of our heads in all our
day-to-day actions I think the world
would just be a better place so without
further ado let's get this episode on
its way so firstly I just want to
welcome Kelly to the show today and I
want to thank the listeners for tuning
in
so Kelly how are you doing today yeah
good Erin thanks thanks so much
have me you're very welcome you're very
welcome so Kelly I'm myself actually we
both had a couple of drinks over the
weekend I had in mind 48 hours before
and you can probably still hear it in my
voice but Kelly obviously sounds much
better than myself so it's great to have
you finally here
we have had to rearrange a few times all
my fault that's all right well I'm just
glad that you're here today because I
think your story is going to be very
inspiring for a lot of people and I
think to get it started basically what
we can do is if you wouldn't mind is
just give the listeners a little bit
about yourself a little bit about your
journey your story and what basically
brings you on the show find your voice
today all right okay well first of all
it's absolutely terrifies me
but the reason I'm on here today is I am
using my story of when I was homeless
when I found myself homeless at 16 to
raise awareness and money to support a
local charity that goes a long way to
helping the poverty and homelessness
situation in Milton Kings I'm quite a
private person really but sometimes you
just have to use what you've got in
order to get results
so I guess my my journey starts really
in Nigeria which is where I was born I
was born is there be no quite a loving
family and but my dad was an alcoholic
and we went through some some troubling
times but the most of what I remember as
a as a youngster really was my mum and
her strength not not too much about my
my real dad and we I have another sister
and a brother who's disabled mum had a
lot on a plate and we spent a lot of
time why spend a lot of time kind of
being ferried about between my Nan's
house and my mum's house and kind of
having two homes I guess mm-hmm so he
yeah eventually mum kicked dad out for
there for the final time and we we moved
quite
few miles away to be moved up to Newport
Pagnell which is just on the outskirts
of Milton Keynes that stage of my life
was where it is interesting I felt
really ostracized out of place and
different from everybody I'd grown up in
in London my mother in North London and
I felt a bit rough I felt like so rough
around the edges and all my new friends
had pretty long blonde hair and there
was me with like brown spiky hair and i
felt quite different but nevertheless we
kind of made it you know we made it we
made it through really my mum my sister
and I um just by keeping quite tight and
but then but then things started to
change and I don't know you know what
your experience offers being a teenager
but actually with the hormones and
changes and friend groups and you know
expectations and all different stuff
comes into your life and at that point I
kind of started to break away from my
family and my sister had moved out and
she was she was my rock my mum had a new
boyfriend
and soon to be married they had a new
baby and everything kind of changed for
me and instead of dealing with it I at
13 I found raves and I started going out
raving instead right so that was really
the point in my life where you know I
start to pay a bit too hard and a bit
too young and it was at a point when I
think it's like 19 3 maybe a little no
not 93 sorry a little bit later when my
my sister was a couple of years old then
incident happened where I thought I
thought that I might have have really
hurt my little sister and I and I
freaked out
and instead of once again dealing with
it and talking to my family
I just ran away and I ran away from home
nobody knew where I was I didn't know I
didn't quite understand it myself
and by just yeah I had to escape so I
ended up sleeping in hostels under a
bridge one night and it was a is pretty
terrifying it's pretty terrifying
Wow but I don't even know to start with
that there's so many things that I want
to pull out from your story there if we
just quickly go on that a last bit that
you mentioned so you were sleeping in
hostels you were sleeping under bridges
how long did this period lasts for well
it's our monastery no don't I can't
quite remember and it's gonna be like a
couple of weeks where I was I had
literally nothing no home no nothing I
was surviving by as I go into the hostel
they give me a cup of tea and a biscuit
in the evening I remember then I had to
go and sleep in these dormitories and
they have like plastic sheets from the
bed and you know I was sixteen years old
only 16 years old and I was actually run
away from home for about six months went
back tried living at home and then ran
away again because but obviously
ostracized myself at that point quite
drastically but the period of actually
like being entirely homeless was
probably a few weeks my first steps
going to the church eating lunch is is
lonely so lonely Wow I mean I can only
imagine I've heard I've heard stories
and we have been very fortunate to have
had somebody who suffered with
homelessness on this show earlier when
we first started and it's even the way
you described it now it almost sounds
horrific I mean even at home in my own
comfort of my own home when when the
heating's low you feel that straight
away so to imagine as a very young
teenager 16 year old having to cope with
that but one of the things that I found
prevalent from your story and a couple
of times you mentioned it was whenever
something was going wrong you were
almost running away as opposed to kind
of facing your fear yeah and the
I want to point that out just for the
audience as well because obviously we've
spoken offline as well and you coming on
this show has has taken the immense
courage so I fully appreciate and I'm
very grateful you're sharing this story
because I know what it's like to have
anxiety to have shyness to kind of find
your voice if we use the cliche and I'm
very grateful that you're in a position
now obviously wiser from the experience
and everything that you've been through
to now use your voice to do the great
things like you mentioned the local
charity that you're now working with in
Milton Keynes which is fantastic because
I'm sure that's gonna help people who
may be in a similar situation to
yourself
on that note though are you finding if
for instance you went through some
adversity today are you still doing the
whole fight-or-flight thing and are you
able to kind of stay there and fight or
you still seeing yourself fleeing from
the situation my my natural stay is is
to walk away absolutely it is to walk
away and I sometimes that's a that's a
strength sometimes you know not fighting
is M is always a good thing not to fight
but at the same time sometimes when
you're going through situations you you
and especially if when you're young you
need somebody to help you face those
problems and I don't think I had the
support structure around me at that time
to help me do that and learn those
skills potentially think that though the
point of why I want to share my story
and it's that what knife wasn't awful
for me it really wasn't you know I was
probably a grumpy teenager hopefully a
little bit jealous that this new fellow
had moved into my house and there was a
baby and you know not the attention
wasn't on me and it sounds really daft
but you know I was a normal child I
didn't get into too much trouble or pop
from going right in I didn't get into
too much trouble but this still happened
it was I was still on the streets and it
can happen to anyone any point in their
life and I think it's important for
everybody to recognize that homelessness
doesn't just happen to drug addicts you
know it doesn't happen to people that
you
you think it happens - it happens to
anybody absolutely I think you just you
said a very important point there so
we're always one decision away from
being the situation that you were there
so I would never see someone homeless
whether they drinking or whatever
they're doing as somebody who is a
druggie or somebody who's got an alcohol
problem I would just see somebody who's
probably just made that one bad choice
and then as a spiral has seen themselves
in that in that predicament or in the
situation so I think that's that's a
really really useful point and you also
obviously you've got the self-awareness
now and that probably comes through life
and experience that you're a confused
teenager you've sinned in an alcoholic
father and and all the impact that
alcohol can have on families especially
up to that extent you've then finally
moved away from that situation only for
then your sister to leave you and then
all of a sudden your mom's found a new
fellow like you said got a new baby then
all of a sudden you're kind of feeling
almost lost and like you said jealous
and I think yes that's probably
something that we'd all be lying if we
said we never fallacy at some stage you
know Aren absolutely absolutely I mean
I had my younger brother was probably
nine years young again probably don't
remember the exact days but I'm sure
there were moments when he's probably
getting all the attention and I'm
jumping around thinking hey what about
me what about me over here and then
again it comes down to your circle so
the one thing I say I was very fortunate
with is my parents sent me to grammar
school not my choice but it's very rare
at least growing up for myself to have
grammar school students who were going
to do crazy things on the night I I mean
the most exciting thing we ever did was
revised for her exams or yeah absolutely
or do a bit of extra studying so I
suppose although at that time I hated it
it's probably kept me from doing crazy
things because I was very easily
influenced as a kid so I'm very very
fortunate for that but I just think it's
nice of you now to be in this position
we're obviously you've learnt a lot and
you said something else I thought was
brilliant it was sometimes it's a
strength to obviously walk away and just
to counter that as well sometimes you
have to fight as well and sometimes we
have to also realize that any adversity
we get through life if we can just hold
on and maybe persevere through that it
becomes a brilliant gift and it becomes
something that will make you so much
more resilient to life because whether
you admit it now or not is it just those
few years
you've lived on the streets and the
experiences that you've overcame it
makes you such a stronger person I think
when you when you look at things I
business it yeah they say
fail fast so sometimes walking away is
the is the best thing you can do but
sometimes you just need to stick out for
that one minute more to get the results
that you want and that happens in both
life and business I'm saying I could
have stayed at home at that point when I
thought I'd hurt my sister and faced it
and I could have just stayed eat living
in a you know in a loving environment I
don't know what my life would have been
like if I'd done that you know instead
of wandering around the streets not
knowing this back in 1996 our and I
didn't know what the time was even and
so yes it's been walking around the
streets at that point in my life this is
silly at the same time from a selfish
perspective if you had stayed in that
loving environment and not going into
this homeless world you wouldn't be on
national today to share your story and
also to kind of inspire other people
because like you said there's so many
other people out there making probably
the same decisions as yourself and if we
can just make them maybe think twice or
maybe understand why they're doing it
because as a teenager sometimes we just
we don't even know why we do the things
that we do so I think that's really
important okay fantastic so you've
touched on business towards the end of
that and you said obviously this times
where we need to just try that one more
time or there are times where we need to
move away what's a day like for you now
obviously you know I'm hoping it's not
under bridges and it's not insurance so
what's a day my life like I've Kelly I
could say that I'm in a lovely warm
loving home again now and I have two
children so they're both teenagers and
14 and very soon to be 16 and and I'm
with my fiance and we're getting married
next year but congratulations thanks
very much and routine for me freaks me
out
I read the word routine like okay this
has me so
much as I probably do have one I try not
to think about it too much I don't even
like the fact that my diary tells me
what to do quite stubborn that's
interesting yeah and but I'm quite
creative I like I like making stuff up I
like doing what I need to do at the time
and going with my feeling and so yeah
the word routine freaks me out
does it bring out your rebellious side
for you think no I just don't want to do
it yeah I just say I don't want to do
that right now I want to do something
else and but I'm sure I have one I mean
I always cup of coffee into first thing
in the morning okay after that it's what
I need to get done rather than what I
should know what I don't set routine for
myself understood and what what do you
do for work and business now and so I do
I am a marketing coach so I coach new
businesses on marketing but I work for a
couple of law firms as well on their
brand and marketing fantastic they'll be
useful for the audience as well
listening okay brilliant so we've
obviously touched on probably your
biggest adversity now in life in terms
of confused teenager finding herself
harmless in a place where we wouldn't
probably wish anyone to be in that
actual moment sleeping rough and not
knowing where your next meal is coming
from well not knowing what the time was
as you said what's the biggest lessons
that you've learned in that experience
that you can share with the audience ask
for help yeah I think there's some of
the things I didn't do I didn't know how
to ask for help
I remember one days that were going into
their hostel and I the person he was
there the night support person turned
out to be my month Mike one of my school
friends mums Wow and I mean I would have
thought that I would have been so
embarrassed like cripplingly embarrassed
but you know what
it wasn't embarrassed I was grateful
just to see a face that I recognized and
I think if I look back on my time I
could have just said to her I need help
you know get me back my family I need I
need something to help me
and I didn't and so at that point then
although you were running away from you
still wanted to come home it wasn't a
kind of a matter of you wanted to get
away from that situation you just he was
almost like a cry for help would you say
yeah
yeah definitely I was just I was so
terrified that I'd hurt my sister at
this point of my life I didn't know for
sure whether she was hurt or not it
turns out that she wasn't turns out that
what I had going on in my head was
completely made-up and she was
absolutely fine but I was just so scared
that I've done something wrong and I had
to that's why I ran away Wow and that in
itself is a lesson I think for everyone
and something that I've probably
experienced more times than most is that
we sometimes overthink things and we
think this person is thinking this other
soar this person's going through this
when really all we need to do is
literally ask them the question is
everything all right
haven't done something wrong and also
owning it and I think this is something
that I've really kind of got to grips on
during my adult life I mean I'm nearly
40 now and so just owning your problems
yes you make a mistake that's okay we
all make mistakes it's like hey you know
some mistakes are worse than others but
you've got to own it you've got to take
responsibility for it and then you have
to either you know resolve it or move
forward you can't let your mistakes keep
you in the in the past I think that's a
brilliant point yeah absolutely take
accountability for what you have and I
think the more accountability you can
take for your mistakes providing that
you learn from and you don't keep
repeating the same ones it actually
gives you a sense of power and I suppose
people will look at you in a different
way you'll look at yourself in a
different way because otherwise you're
effectively you just passing the power
over to someone else and you're almost
afraid to take that so I think that's
that's a brilliant yes exactly
thank you for sharing that okay so
things are going well for you now which
is lovely to hear you've done you've got
a suit to be 16 year old and a 14-yard
and you get married next year so great
news for them and I hope everything's
okay yeah absolutely I hope everything I
was amazing for that but I want to ask
you what's your biggest fear then right
now
octopus is right okay not expecting that
yeah really I can't look I can't stand
up this is I think they're way too
clever and and I think they're aliens
but if you put them aside I think it's
my children and if when my children grow
up I don't want them to reflect on it
and say you could have done better for
us and I just want to make sure that
they're happy secure and that they are
inspired that they are grounded you know
and above all I think kind kindness that
they take kindness in through their life
and I think that's that's my biggest
fear and my biggest challenge I'm sure
you do a wonderful job on that and I
think kindness is it's probably the
number one thing my mom ever taught me
and I'm very very grateful for that and
I think I'm sure you're doing the
exactly same so there's probably nothing
to worry about
but the thing we probably should worry
about is octopus's thinking thinking
ahead now you haven't booked a honeymoon
have you anywhere close to like the
ocean or anything no we are the wedding
is going to take place right in up in
the top of the outs so we're quite nice
and safe from any octopi fantastic okay
I was not expecting to answer I've never
heard anyone say that have you actually
seen octopuses on land that isn't that a
good thing because I'm they can help you
out in the kitchen no point taken for it
taken well at least you're in them
you said the Alps did you yeah I don't
Kelly well well I was sure the best for
next year is are with that and looking
forward to follow you in your journey so
you're doing marketing now and you
definitely sound like you're in a much
better place in terms of your mindset
and your ability to reflect on
everything that's going on in your life
what's your biggest sense of motivation
and inspiration on a day to day basis
other than your kids because I know
you're gonna probably say your kids as
your first answer so let's choose a
different answer actually I wasn't okay
when an my name has been one of the
biggest most their biggest and most
inspiring figures in my life
she's not with us anymore sorry Taylor
and she passed away five years ago
in June by still hear her every day
every choice I make every signs have
went up thinking about that but she was
so inspiring and the way that she
handled herself for the people her
tenacity setting up businesses
everything about her was it was amazing
without trying to put her on a pedestal
she was simply the best person I've ever
known
so she inspires me and motivates me
every single day that's brilliant I love
it um I was gonna say I'm very sorry to
hear that brace it's a lovely message
that you said how you still here and you
take that and I'm sure she's probably
looking down whatever you believe in in
terms of God spirituality or something
but I'm sure she's looking down as she's
very very proud eating at me going in my
head I think if she approves that then
I'm happy if I think she wouldn't not so
much it's probably a brilliant way to
almost act out your days because you're
almost thinking you would never want to
let her down and obviously you want her
name to be remembered in a nice way so
your actions and everything that you do
in the world I mean I know we're all our
own people but I think you're almost
living for her as well if that makes
sense
so yeah I think that I think that's a
beautiful message okay brilliant Kelly
so we are actually moving along very
quickly today and we're actually at the
fun part of the show so this is the bit
where I think you were a little bit
anxious about because I'm gonna be
asking you all sorts of very very easy
questions but I suppose when when the
time is on it can get a little bit
overwhelming but I'm sure you're gonna
be fine indecisive right okay so I take
that back then we might have a bit of a
struggle here but let's see how we get
on
we're gonna do probably 60 to 90 seconds
of just very well I was gonna say easy
but let's see how it goes are you ready
yeah brilliant okay we're gonna go in
three
one okay what did you eat for breakfast
I haven't eaten today if you could
relive one day again what day would it
be Oh crikey that's a hard one and AH I
have two children that's really tough I
think the first time I ever helped my my
baby in my arms I would relive that day
again the first time I ever helped my
baby and I loved it
the ability to fly or be invisible
invisable is sneaky but I think like but
I think I'd like the feeling of flying
some swaying who do you admire most in
the world it's still mine own money or
fame and money your proudest moment I
don't know I don't know I can I pass I
just don't know if we can do a few yeah
okay your favorite food my favorite food
is cheese choice okay
speak or languages or be able to speak
to animals how can you choose like
languages I guess languages if you could
abolish one thing in the world what
would it be and Trump good answer okay
what song best describes your life
what song surprised me hey hi oh I don't
know titles
I could probably hum it you're welcome
to sing it if you want I can't think of
one more pass if you had an extra hour a
day how would you spend it on the sofa
with my fellow Netflix or YouTube
Netflix your favorite TV show ever
friends there's a pretty consistent I
was gonna say yeah I think that's the
most popular answer I've had okay would
you rather not how you will die or when
you were die how your worst fear is a
child probably octopuses they still keep
coming back okay what is your biggest
addiction your favorite place in the
world I would I would say at home with
my family but I also have a particular
fondness for Byron Bay in Australia I
love it that place was amazing
okay read minds or predict the future
read minds your favorite superhero
second oh my god this is named Owen man
named Ironman for sure good choice and
finally your biggest strength kindness
love it love it see that was it too hard
actually bless you actually you're the
first person to have a pass on an answer
though but yeah don't worry the
beautiful thing with podcasting is I
can't edit it out by a flight flight
yeah absolutely you walked away it's
fine
okay brilliant so Kelly the next thing I
want to ask you actually then is it's
about reflection so as we've spoken
about briefly the beginning of this
episode I saw some wonderful thing and
it can teach us a lot it can teach us
how to get to places quicker easier or
with less heartache but I'm a firm firm
believer that the journey also teaches
us a lot and sometimes we have to go
through these circumstances and the
trials and tribulations
so knowing exactly what you know now
with all of your knowledge and
experience if you could go back and
we're going to take you back now to your
teenage years which i think is relevant
to this story knowing exactly what you
know now what would you whisper in the
ears of a young Kelly I think be brave
and be brave and be brave and posture
which was I'm looking for tackle your
problems like deal yeah deal with your
problems don't run away from them I love
that that's fine is that a kind of a
message as well that you'd always try
and teach or your kids as well yeah I
don't know how successful I am in doing
that okay thank you parenting is an
experiment in parenting so firstly
whatever works and secondly I've got no
idea how they're going to turn out so
when they're about 25 ask me that
question again and we'll see if it works
okay fantastic we'll get you back on the
show brilliant okay so suddenly that
actually brings us to the last question
of the day and the last question are
always ask my guest it's about legacy so
if in a 150 years time science fails to
save us all and all that exists is a
book and this book is about
Kelly and it tells us all the weird and
wonderful things that you've done in
life all the things you've achieved and
all your ups and downs firstly what
would the title of the book be and
secondly what would the blurb at the
back tell us about Kelly so it's a hard
one I've been thinking about this but at
the same time I remember having a
conversation with my best friend a few
years ago and about this particular
topic and I think that my book would be
called she's just a normal girl because
even though I've gone through quite a
lot in my time when I the stories that I
could tell you about being homeless
would be would be quite shocking and the
people that I've met and on the way the
the trouble that I could have got into
the trouble I did get into all of that
but I'm just just a normal girl like
there is no different to me than anyone
else so I think that would be the title
she's just a normal girl and with
regards to the blurb on the back um I
would hope the people that read my story
and would say that even though even when
times are tough she still believed that
kindness was her superpower and that's
what got her through I love that I love
it I think spreading kindness is
probably probably the best thing we can
all teach each other and we could all
learn from absolutely I mean just be
just being kind I actually wrote a post
funnily enough about three hours ago on
Facebook and it was it was one of my
first few things I wrote in there
because it costs nothing to be kind and
there's actually a few influences now
there who actually using the whole
kindness thing as a sort of as like a
buzz word but really shouldn't just be
something that's installed in all of a
sudden Wow from day one yeah I wish I'd
written my LinkedIn profile buyer
actually goes through all of my core
values so independents adventure
curiosity connection strength and growth
and and then at the end of it it says
well what about kindness and the way
that I address is is it should just come
as standard absolutely it shouldn't have
to be someone's core value it should
actually just be live that's what we
should do we shouldn't have to learn it
yes it's funny but I don't know I
suppose we're also in a society where
we're almost firefighting on a daily
basis and where there's people competing
with each other there's a lot of
jealousy there's a lot of scarcity
mindset that I tend to find as well
especially when I started my lot
entrepreneurial journeys and went into
different fields and it's only recently
now started to get myself a very good
network of people who just want the best
for you and when you start living in
abundance and realizing that the more
people you can connect with the more
people you can help and more people you
can be kind to you just you just spread
something that's infectious and and
being now wanting it back I think the
odds of doing without receiving is you
know people need to learn that a lot
more give without wanting to receive
absolutely without expectations
hopefully agree it's funny you just said
that as well because I I was meeting a
develop and I'm going off on a bit of a
tangent here but we were speaking about
this and I was saying that's kind of my
philosophy is the way again I say again
my mom's always taught me just give but
never expect nothing back because one
you probably be disappointed but to you
know give if you're giving someone
something you're giving it them because
maybe they're not in a position to
necessarily help you back so it's almost
silly to expect them to be able to help
you back if that makes sense
so when you give something and you try
and be kind you try and lift somebody up
just do that and just just be nice about
it but don't expect them to help you
when they can barely help themselves if
that kind of makes sense and I've always
just seen it that way so I've been very
fortunate people now start to help me up
in my business and at the same time I'd
always try and reciprocate that with
other people as well so I think I think
Kelly that's a beautiful message and on
that actually I'd love it if you could
not only share your LinkedIn profile for
the guests but also where else you'd
feel comfortable with people reaching
out to you if you wouldn't mind maybe
after this show because I think you're
more than just a normal person how you
described yourself on the front of the
book it's it's been a lovely
conversation with you I'm glad you're
almost finding your voice and I know we
spoke about this previously on Facebook
very briefly and it's got a lot to teach
people you've got a lot that they can
learn from you and I just think you this
has been a lovely chat so I really
appreciate you for that and I'd love to
pour all your reachable social media
outlets onto my show notes if that's
what
yeah that'd be fine these if isn't
business the one place that I would like
people to go to is a Facebook group okay
so it's called one-man brand but the
point of it is and isn't just about you
know having my group it's about having a
hive mind so it's about bringing your
skills and your expertise and helping
other people within the group so if
you're an accountant what what
information can you give to other people
that was going to help them and show
that you're an expert in your field as
well so that's that's what I'm trying to
achieve so anyone in that relation can
go there fantastic I think that's
brilliant I think that's something that
literally every single person listening
to can probably join on to because we
have to acknowledge it but we all
probably Excel in certain areas more
than others and I think it's about
recognizing that so I think that's
brilliant the hive mind thing are you
happy with people contacting you on
Facebook or should we just keep it to
the Facebook group for now yeah I'm open
I network and speak to anyone that wants
to anyone that wants to speak back yeah
brilliant
again I'll run and just thank you one
more time for coming on for overcoming
your fears it's been fantastic to hear
about your stories been very inspiring
as well and also I want to thank the
listeners at home thanks for listening
thanks and remember this podcast is
absolutely free so all we ask in return
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Find your voice - Episode 21 "Using exercise to help your Mental Health" Michael Hayes #22
Tagline: "What's for you, won't pass you" - Michael Hayes
Michael Hayes, is one of the most positive, infectious people I have been fortunate enough to have connected with during my time as a Podcaster. A genuine individual who focuses in his own time on promoting positive links between mental health and exercise and whilst spreading authentic, honest and tangible messages through his social media platforms.
Michael does not do this for any monetary reasons, but since seeing those close to him suffer with mental health he made a choice to use his expertise in health and fitness and promote a positive link of enhancing not just your physical well-being through exercise but also improving your overall mental health.
Our first Irish/Aussie on the show who proves that real messages and honest advice is the same across the world and if you want to ensure you get genuine advice his story is definitely worth following. Michael also admits to having suffered little adversity in his life although when you finish this episode you would probably agree that even if he was, or had, he would not have seen it as a burden or adversity and likely just smiled his way through it.
All the links to follow Michael's journey are below and a final note before you go check that out, which I think is worth mentioning and came from his mother is: "What's for you, won't pass you".
I urge you all to follow his journey and support him on making a positive difference in the world of fitness and mental health.
Thanks for listening
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[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so I am delighted to be
able to bring to you today Michael Hayes
otherwise known as the mental health
fitness coach now Michael is irish-born
but now living over in Australia and
what he has done is he's taken a passion
of his ie personal training but he's
linked it very very closely to something
that we can all relate to mental health
now the way he links mental health and
fitness is fantastic and it's probably
not what you're gonna expect especially
from somebody who now operates on
Instagram not quite the influencer that
he will be one day but Michael's
messages are incredible and I certainly
urge you after this episode to engage
with Michael and follow him on his
journey because alongside he's worked
with mental health and exercise Michael
is also just a very very positive person
in fact he's probably the most positive
person I've had on the show and I say
that after interviewing so many
incredible guess he's infectious he's
got a great aura about him and all he's
trying to do is make you guys feel
better both physically and mentally so I
think without further ado let's jump
straight into this interview okay
firstly I'd like to start by welcoming
Michael Hayes to today's show and I want
to thank Michael for taking time out of
his day to come on and share his story
and secondly Michael I just want to know
how are you doing today my friend yes
really good yeah just back from work so
settling in for the night now how about
you how's your day been yeah my day has
been good so it's early more I say early
morning is 10 o'clock here so my day is
kind of starting
for anyone listening you can probably
tell from Michaels voice straight away
that he's not got this amazing Brummie
accent that I have he's actually from
Australia so it's our first Australian
guest on the show so again I'm very
grateful for that
I think to get this started Michael if
you wouldn't mind if you can just kind
of tell our audience a little bit about
yourself a little bit about your story
because hopefully that way you'll give
them an insight in relation to yourself
and also give them an understanding as
to why I reached out to get you onto a
show yeah absolutely and I'll just start
off by saying that I'm actually Irish so
I've I've been in Australia for the last
seven years so I'm after getting a bit
of a twang since I moved here so I like
it I get some serious grief up everyone
from home when when they hear just what
anyway yes
yeah I've been living in Australia the
last 7 years so I guess I run a an
Instagram page and a Facebook campaign
type thing called mental health fitness
coach so I'm pretty much peachy turned
into just someone that's trying to get
people to exercise for for all the right
reasons I guess so for your your mental
health is sleep for your mood to reduce
stress and to not look at it from you
know I want to get a six-pack or I want
to you know the quickest way to look
good on the beach or things like that
just getting people to take a step back
and say you know this is more there's
more to exercise and to and to fitness
and just how you look or you know the
material things it's there's a lot more
to it a lot more deeper things that
people should be focusing on that
unfortunately in this day and age they
don't tend to be so that's where where I
am and that all came about for me I was
true my work I was doing this 30 days of
exercise and for 30 minutes for 30 days
of exercise for your improved mental
health and through that process I was
doing just my own Instagram post and
putting things up this was before the
time of mental health fitness coach so I
was just posting things off about my own
30 minutes of exercise each day and
putting little snippets up about the
benefits of exercise your mental health
and putting some bits up also about
encouraging conversations around mental
health and through that 30 days I got
lots of feedback from
my own friends and some really close
friends as well as my family and some of
my immediate family about struggles
they've had with mental health and this
was things that I had never known so it
was a big wake-up call and surprise to
me at the time when you know I was
putting these things I would thinking oh
yeah you know it's it's great for people
to exercise remember heads but meantime
I was going on not realizing that a lot
of people close to me had suffered or
were suffering with their with their
mental health so that was at the
beginning of it all for me you know it
was a real big eye-opener and from there
I just kind of thought at the time I was
a PT and looking after a gym and kind of
I look I'm in a good position here where
some people look to me for that fitness
advice and I'm sorry my former top looks
at me for that fitness advice and this
is a time where you know I'm a person
that yeah that people look to and I'll
just put that positive message out so I
started to mental health fitness coach
and it was all about just exercising for
the right reasons and it's about three
years ago now and you know back then the
the fifties and all those things were
you know at the big thing now it's booty
bends and all that and you know it's
just it's just not the reason that
people need to be exercising like you
know it just just do it for it for
yourself and for your mood and your
relationships that's that's the big
message that I try to just send out to
people and I've been doing that now for
the last yeah coming on three years now
a mental health fitness coach and it's
not really anything that I'm doing for a
good monetary sense it's just trying to
get that that message out there and so
far I think of impacted quite a few
people just through my own post if I can
have a positive impact on a few people
and that's great and if it means someone
goes out and does it hurt him in a walk
every day where they wouldn't have done
anything before and that that helps
their their daily life then you know
that's fantastic and that's kind of what
I'm hoping to achieve through all of
this that's fantastic mate so we're
first I just want to acknowledge you for
that as well because I think it's an
incredible thing that you're doing
you're encouraging people to exercise
for the right reasons so I was a fellow
PT I similar to yourself I share the
same
views that we shouldn't necessarily
exercise for that six-pack or how we
think we should look I the Instagram
model life and it is again it's my kind
of way of releasing my tensions
throughout the day it helps with mental
health myself so I think I love that
message about it but I also love and
what you touched on is that you've
managed to encourage conversation
between your friends and family who have
suffered with this mental health in
their own personal lives and I think
that's that's a testament one to
yourself that people can obviously come
out and speak to you and feel openly
comfortable about that but I think it's
something that as a society across the
world in Australia England wherever we
are
is that we need to encourage that
conversation about mental health and I
just think that's a fantastic thing and
this is one of the actual reasons that I
reached out to you specifically I seen
your messages and I just thought this
would be like a really good person to
come on and the fact that you don't do
this for the monetary sense it is to
give back it is to get value I really do
urge my listeners at the end of the show
to jump on your Instagram page and see
the messages that you're having on that
no I just wanted to ask a bit of a
personal question if you wouldn't mind
as well is Michael have you suffered
yourself from depression or are you
simply doing this because you see the
value in helping other people around you
yeah good question no I haven't and I'm
one of the lucky people who yeah I've
never had any any issue really with any
mental health whether it be depression
anxiety mood swings
anything at all so I've been I suppose
quite privileged in that sense and
that's where I'm a really really
positive person and always have been and
any because of that when I did this 30
days of exercise for 30 minutes for 30
days and I got all this feedback for my
friends and family that was when I
thought oh shit like you know I'm living
this this great life thinking it's all
good and you know I've always really
just exercised for myself and in my own
mental health how I'm feeling but all of
a sudden I was like this is actually out
there it's real and you know people are
suffering cos I've gone through my life
thinking you know everything's great you
know everyone's happy yeah nobody's okay
just like uber positive almost at a
point where I was unable to see that
this could be
happening in other people because I
suppose my own positivity blinded me to
what might be happening to others and
and I would always I would always look
to the well neither no they must be fine
that they I'm sure they'll be okay and
tell myself the good happy story but and
yeah it's really just the last few years
since I started this and moved to
Australia and I've really started to
notice this and you know thank God I've
noticed they could you know now I I'm
much more conscious of my own mental
health so when I do go through any modes
or anything like that I understand
what's going on and yeah so no luckily
for me I've never never been impacted by
any mental health things fantastic and
hopefully continues that way and you
just said yeah thank God that you
noticed it and I think definitely thank
God or whatever you believe in that you
have noticed it because now you're in a
position where you're able to help
people learn almost lift them out of
this very dark space and I say very dark
space because my mom suffered with
chronic depression for the best part of
the last eight years and prior to that
again probably similar tell you when you
first started I didn't understand mental
health it was like what have you got to
be sad about got this to look forward to
it was only recently over the last eight
years I've really kind of tried to
understand men to help myself and it's
funny that you're almost doing what I
wish I had the time to do which is
linking one of my passions which is
fitness and the other one which is I
hold very close to my heart mental
health because obviously it's affecting
my mom and you link in the two together
so that's kind of why I resonate towards
your story a lot because I'm like in
another life if I had a bit more
flexibility and a bit more time and may
if I could live in Australia as well
that would be an added bonus I would
literally be doing the same kind of
things as you so I want to ask just on
something else that you touched on there
if you wouldn't mind yeah you've always
been this happy positive person now
before we've had this show we spoke for
the best part of a minute and within a
second of seeing your face on on skype
you were you were smiling you were happy
and I was like this is gonna be a good
interview I knew straight away because
you were good vibes off almost instantly
what are the careers and stuff have you
done throughout life or what do you
think is the reason that you've always
just been happy or is it just literally
your mindset has just been programmed
that way I reckon yeah it's just my
said and it's yeah it's just the way
I've always been you know I had
extremely good parents and a really
great family there's five kids in our
family and you know I'm the youngest so
I was always supported and you know
showing Sean the right road and yeah I
guess it's just how I've always been
like I don't know any other way than to
put a smile on and have a chat to people
that I don't know and you know if
there's a top conversation that's needed
to be had with like say my staff or
someone's going through a hard time like
I'm always happy to get in and and not
things I would people but yeah I think
it's just the way I've always been it
it's not any one particular thing that
happened that you know maybe this
positive person it's just yeah lucky for
me I had a really good upbringing and
it's just the way I've been that's
fantastic man and long may it continue
because the world could definitely
benefit from more people like yourself
just to kind of spread a bit of sunshine
so yeah that's also to hear okay so
what's a general day-to-day life like
over there in Australia for yourself
yeah and I'm the same as you I love
habits and I think the biggest thing of
me is just trying to be consistent
around the good things that I do so and
I suppose I might actually answer it on
a week-to-week
that's all right yeah absolutely the
more relevant to what I do and so really
like usually on a on a Sunday or
Saturday our leader have a mental think
about what's going to happen in the week
after and I've got a spreadsheet that
I've been working off now for the last
year and a half where I scheduled my
training for the next week and so I know
exactly what I'm gonna do
Monday true to Sunday but one of the
things that I found really good for
myself to keep myself consistent with my
exercise and I'm a runner so I love to
run and so one of the things that I did
wanted a very very first thing that I
did was started pack run and I know you
guys have Perricone you know the weekly
x 5 kilometer runs yeah so that was that
was one of the first things that I
started to do me My partner and fiance
know we started doing Park run and for
me I know every Saturday at 8 a.m. on
that pack run and I'm running and that's
that's what I'm doing I think
that's a tenner 11 over in the in the UK
and I was like a little bit sleepin
create a in there but for me I know that
that's what that day is so I've tried to
build my my exercise and my running
around just habit and consistency so
Saturday is always packed on Tuesday I
run with a run Club in in part and W a
called frontrunner sports performance
and I do a Tuesday 6:00 a.m. every
single week with those guys and then I
do what R is a fight in every single
week with those guys so I kind of know
like whatever happens in life unless
something goes completely pear-shaped
Tuesday Thursday Saturday I'm running
and that's what I'm going to do so
that's one of the things that has helped
me get that consistency for probably the
last almost going on a year and a half
now probably but running in the last
year with the front runner guys on
Tuesday and Thursday and and obviously
massive improvement in my running from
that and I'm not a person that you'd
look at that would say yeah he'd be ok
at running but because of the habit that
I have of doing it every week I've just
gotten a little bit better every single
month throughout the last couple of
years and now I'm a decent runner
whereas people would look at me and go
oh he he can't run that faster he can't
do that or a lot of people always get
the question you know how have you
improved so much it's literally it's
consistency like I started to go in once
a week to Peregrine's and that's what
probably did that for three or four
months it was just once a week and then
think I sure would choose to era wins
they ran them session in there and then
it became that the Tuesday Thursday and
they're just ingrained in my daily or my
weekly routines now and so that's a big
thing for me as part of every week and
then the rest of the week from a month
at Friday I'm full-time job on my health
and fitness coordinator for local
governments in parts so and that's what
my general nine-to-five so I look after
the gym and our group fitness programs
in our community classes and I actually
love that and one of the very very very
lucky people that can say I actually
enjoy money learning and getting up and
going to work and there's
you know obviously everyone get sick at
work at time from time to time but
there's very occasions that I'm actually
not happy to go to work or be at work so
and that's my job and through the week
and the rest of the week is family my
fiance and the dogs and that's that's
her yeah that's brilliant man I suppose
you've almost found what many of us are
trying to find and you know we always
hear people getting sad on a Sunday
evening and they got work in the morning
and you've almost kind of found your way
so it's nice to see that you're having
that and you also touched on some
brilliant points again which was it's
all about consistency and one of the
things I always say is obviously we our
resort of our habits so I think that
going back to your 30 minutes a day
there I mean it's a day in the grand
scheme of things I thinking we're
excited to like two percent a day if we
can just get people to do that as a sort
of habit initially and then if it has
the effects of improving your mental
health on a long-term scale I think
we're on to a winner so on that point
alone have you got access to a sort of
30 day plan or is it's just something
that people would need to kind of go
back into your Instagram and follow into
my Instagram and follow and you know I
don't have any 30-day plans or anywhere
that I suppose that the main thing for
me with people and I've had with the gym
that I work at I've had many many
interactions with people about you know
what are they going to do to get
themselves fit and healthy and I went
through a period of weight gain where I
didn't realize I was gaining weight but
I got up to like 115 or 16 kilos but
over the last three or four years since
I started running I'm back down to 90 so
I've had a big weight loss and period
and a lot of people asking me about you
know what should they do and you know
what exercises should they do for for
this muscle and you know should I be
going how many times a week should I be
going to the gym and how many reps did I
do and how many said should I do this
exercise and I always say to people and
even when people come to a gym like do
you enjoy going to the gym and if the
answer is yes then it's like yeah yeah
okay in you go it doesn't matter what
you do pick exercises you like thick rep
ranges you like it accept ranges you
like and do that
because you're only going to be
consistent at the things you like and if
someone comes into our gym and says oh
you know I actually quite like working
out in groups send them straight to
group fitness like if someone came into
my gym and said I hate gyms
I hate group fitness classes I'd send
them straight back out the door and tell
them do something else because there's
no point in them coming towards to do
something that they're not going to
enjoy and they're not going to say
consistent that because you know you
can't sign up for a gym or an exercise
program or sports team if that's not
something that you actually enjoy like
anyone who wants to get fish you need to
do something that you enjoy and that you
can keep doing for me it's running and
occasionally lifting weights so I do
lots of running and a fair amount of
weightlifting and that's what I love
doing and so for for people like you
know if you're looking for a 30 day plan
or whatever it might be that are looking
for they need to just look into
themselves and go what I like to and
I'll you know we live done living in
Australia so there's lots of outdoor
activities you can do so someone loves
stand-up paddleboarding or golfing or
gardening or whatever it is you know so
that wasn't it that and see that and you
know make the most of that because
whether or not it's 2 percent to your
day or however long of your day it is
that you're doing this exercise for you
want to be doing something that you
enjoy and yeah it's there's too many
people and this especially with gyms and
group fitness classes and things like
that
they do it because other people do it
not because it's something that they
want to do they see someone else getting
results doing that exercise or they god
forbid they go on Instagram and they see
the top six exercises to get awesome ads
and they do those exercises and realize
that they haven't been it's really about
having a thing to yourself of what do I
enjoy doing and if you don't know what
that is just go and try a few things go
to the gym go to an outdoor class join a
sports team join a join a running club
you know try things out and whichever
one it is that you you think you enjoy
that's what you'll be consistent at so
go do that Michael I love that answer so
two things I want to point out firstly
this is why I want people to follow your
page two
learn from yourself and all these little
nuggets that you just thrown in there
but another reason that actually love
the answer is because you're confirming
everything I've been preaching myself
for the last time right so mainly
because you agree with me because I have
four pillars that I always say are my
sword when I work with my clients I
would say if we can add a to these four
pillars and they are enjoyment
sustainability consistency and hard work
and I think as long as you have a
mixture of all of those so the enjoyment
side which is literally exactly what you
explained so I think that's a really
really important point you said their
consistency we've already touched on
sustainability again if your enjoyment
and consistency are on point it's going
to be sustainable if they're gonna keep
it going
and obviously I think there is an
element that people think they don't
have to work hard and you touched on
their this the ABS exercises get abs in
three weeks by doing this it doesn't
really work like that because there's a
bit more science that goes behind it but
great answer mate and again I'm
consistently plugging your channel
because it would be nice to get the
audience to see it from a different
perspective somebody on the other side
of the world almost doing the exact same
thing and making such a positive
influence so I appreciate that answer me
thank you yes
okay so the next question is are you
gonna be quite an interesting one
because a very happy positive person but
what I want to touch on is adversity and
I use adversity in all of my episodes
because I want people to look at things
or change the perception of things and
just know that whatever situation you're
going through however difficult you may
feel it is in that particular time is
there's always a way out of it if you're
willing to persevere through it so I'm
hoping you've been through some
adversity and I mean that in the kindest
way possible me because I'm not smiling
now on the other side of it but could
you maybe take us back to a time where
things were going as well as you maybe
hoped or you went through some adversity
and how you overcame that and then
finally the lessons that you learned
from that if you wouldn't mind yeah
absolutely and yeah I haven't gone
through a massive amount of adversity in
my life would that's it I you know I've
had plenty of tougher harder times that
I've had to go it was the one for me
that
so tis so obviously I'm living in
Australia I'm came here from lard and so
about three years into when I was here I
was am working in a job and this job was
going to sponsor me to stay in the
country and just before my sponsorship
went through I reckon two weeks before
my sponsorship was all gonna go true and
everything was going to be sweet or
Center closed down and yes so the
sponsorship went out the window pretty
quick unfortunately was not sure any
fault of the employer that's the way
things went down so and yeah just just
when I thought I was yeah I'm said I'm
gonna be in Australia nothing to worry
about
got my sponsorship that'll get me my PR
we're good to go
everything kind of just set out out of
nowhere literally out of noise but I
honestly don't look back now on that
time as a time of adversity or a time
where I was under massive stress because
for me at the time I was just alright
well this has happened no matter what I
do I can't really change the outcome of
what's happened to and to the center
it's that's just the way it is so the
the first thing that I was doing was
looking for I would I need a job so I
went and saw myself some work and I went
back to construction work and that was
fine and and then it was just playing
the waiting game to see when when this
Center was going to get back opened up
see if that sponsorship was still on the
carriage and and I've had a think I
think I had four months until I had to
go home legally the contrary so yeah and
I it was it was going to be a little bit
more time until they got the centre open
and they had some roof issues that they
had to sort out so there was a lot of
construction to go on and like just but
true luck that whole period I just kind
of kept on to them and said you know
when can I get back in is it going to
happen isn't it going to happen and
there for a while there wasn't a whole
lot of talk backwards and forwards so I
just kept doing my construction stuff
away and and eventually I got back into
work and I got this I got sponsored bush
I suppose the big thing for me through
that whole
time was well look if I get sent home I
get sent home and that's just the way
it's gonna be in and I always had in the
back of my mind that it's going to sort
itself out one way or another whether
it's through work or whether something
else comes up or you know whether I get
it I think there was the option of a
partner a partner visa with my partner
at the time so you know there there was
options there and I kinda just didn't
let myself get too stressed to the
census you know I was worrying about it
all the time and just kind of got on
with things as best I could and and
luckily it all worked out and yeah I'm
just I'm still here now but it was yeah
I just kind of keep it that positive
attitude towards this and then yeah it
worked out in the end but uh I think a
good a good quote and I'm gonna call my
mom of all people in the world yeah for
this was a sudden my mom sold me heaps
of times Trudy years Witter is going for
a job or it's going to interviews or
anything that I'm racing or whatever I
was doing she'd always say what's for
you won't pass you so you know if at
that time if it if it was for me to stay
in Oz and you know to go on to be where
I am now then that's what it was going
to be if that's not what how it was time
to work out then something else will pop
up that would be you know just as good
or better
so really it's you know anytime we do a
job interview or anything like that or
especially if I don't get a job
I always think well that clearly wasn't
for me so if it was I would have got it
kind of yeah on to the next thing
that's fantastic me then it's funny you
said that quote and I resonated with
this straightaway because my nan so she
doesn't speak English but she speaks
Punjabi but these direct words that your
mom says she says the same quote so
she's a very religious person and she's
always had that philosophy sure but
actually she's starting to remind me a
little bit of yourself and I mean that
with utmost respect because she's always
smiling she's always happy and she's
been through a hell of a lot of
adversity in life but she's always
saying you know whatever's meant to be
is meant to be if you meant to have
something come in your life will happen
if you're not you're not so I think
that's a brilliant way and it's probably
what
kept her going so long so very wise
words from my cause mom so appreciate
that me do you have that do you have
that quote in your grandma's words I
you're testing my Punjabi haha yeah yeah
maybe one for our line may I try and get
you a translation I don't wanna
embarrass myself live online yeah yeah
huge you won't be too happy with my
pronunciation but yeah if it is exactly
the same but I think that's brilliant I
think it's a testament to the way that
you think always got that positive
outlet you're always looking at things
as in just the way that I wish
everybody's in it rather then me if I'm
completely honest five years ago would
have seen that as oh my god the whole
world's falling down I'm so close to get
my sponsorship it's almost falling their
minds I would go through the rephrase
you're just kind of got that in the back
of your head so consciously you're
thinking it's all gonna work out and I'm
really glad it has so in this current
situation now things are going well for
you what scares you in life do you have
any fears and do I have any serious it's
a good question and I don't think I do
like you know I if anything I'll worry
about other people more than I worry
about myself so I'd you know I kind of
want to make sure that I was good with
with my close mates and my fiance and my
family and you know some of my sisters
are pregnant at the moment so you know
it's the only things I worry about her
are all those guys and you know checking
in and then to make sure everything's
going okay but now personally for myself
I don't really uh kind of hold strong
similans
mums advice of you know if it's for you
won't pass you and kind of keep keep
pushing forward and yeah if that's a
good answer
no not absolutely my absolutely
definitely so are you telling me you're
not scared of all the again I'm speaking
as a Brit here we hear all the stories
of the snakes and the spiders in
Australia
does anything like that ever scare you
or ever hear of a red back a red back
spider not very little that little
spiders with a red back they're pretty
fierce looking they're they're small
small little things we get lots of
around my house we get tons of them so
there's lots of and he has brain spray
red backs around here but no of my hair
funny the way my brother-in-law was is
scared and worried about coming over
here and sitting on a toilet boner and
water being underneath it when he catch
you for the yeah look lovely that's them
it's pretty unlikely and I've never come
across too many snakes any more a rod I
guess if I was to say one thing I
suppose on on fear and it's not really
fear for me but it's just for again for
other people it's the current age of
social media and the influence that
social media influencers have you know
so many people are drawn in by these
influencers and you know they take what
they're saying for fur gospel almost and
you know they they you have people
buying these fit tees and you have
people buying to these 30 day programs
and all these detoxes and you know
there's lots of people that are preying
on people's fears and emotions and
getting to sign up to these programs and
to be honest it's a real big issue and
it's what is one of the main reasons as
I said in my page was just to have an
alternative option of the the quick
fixes and things like this because
there's so many people that and
especially at our gym and and you know
friends of mine and I see other people
putting things up like everyone thinks
that these things work and that there's
you know there's something to it pushes
you know a quick quick thing gonna so
ferrets it's it's a worry the the
current state of the fitness industry
online you know that I think the fitness
industry in Australia on the ground
level is really good and really positive
and there's lots of people doing great
things but the the online influence of
people who have no experience in health
and fitness is yeah extremely worrying
hopefully with people like you and
things that I'm doing you know it yeah
the common sense approach will will win
out in the end
absolutely may I think you just hit
something that again I resonate with is
find it so annoying that these
influences are in a position where they
have so much impact and they're just
been unethical and they're not being
authentic in their message and they're
selling these cookie cut programs or
they're saying you can look like me if
you do this in six months and I'm
looking at him and I'm like you're
obviously on something that's not
natural for example you've been doing
this for 15 years and you're just trying
to almost manipulate people and to
believe in it and it's not just the
fitness industry to be honest so I'm
involved as a property investor as a
full-time occupation and even within
that there is a massive massive market
of people and the shame is is that they
have so much influence who prey on
people who are in an almost like a
desperation phase and when you're
desperate you're almost clinging on to
anything and it's just reassuring to
know that there are people like
yourselves out there who have this
amazing energy about you and you just
honest and authentic and this is a
reason I do my show it's to give people
a voice who aren't influences who I
genuinely believe can make a positive
impact on the world because I genuinely
believe if my audience however smaller
is or however big it grows follows you
they're gonna get authentic information
information that and I don't mean this
because I say similar stuff I mean it is
because we understand the basics behind
it and it's nice that you're trying to
make an impressive but it's funny isn't
it because on one end we're looking at
these influences and thinking that the
way Instagram and Facebook and stuff is
it's it's almost damaging to people's
self-esteem Ament to half but at the
same time we also need it to preach our
message and to get our voice heard to
try and help people absolutely so yeah
yeah it's a funny one so what is your
motivation then moving forward for your
business is it to enhance your voice to
get out there to impact more lives or do
you have another underlying motivation
behind the word that you do yeah look I
just want to keep doing what I'm doing
you know every one person that I thought
I impact positively is you know it's for
me that's that's the ultimate goal is
just to have a small little impact on
people's lives whether it's someone
starts doing it you know a tiny bit of
exercise that they've never done before
or whether it's someone else has a chat
that I made about the mental health who
they think isn't doing so well you know
I just want to keep pushing the message
out there and
as far as I'd like to get a little bit
more active on social media given your
full time job and this is just something
I do on the side I'm probably not as
active or putting out as good a content
as I'd like to at the moment but I just
want to keep keep growing the the
audience and make sure that the message
is reaching as many people as we can and
you know maybe one day start podcasting
or doing something similar to what
you're in here and chatting to people
about their own experience of mental
health and Howard are our only
experienced mental health exercises has
positively impacted that and which yeah
for now it's kind of keep going as we're
going yeah absolutely
I think you'd be an amazing advocate for
both mental health and fitness so if you
do get the time and capacity later on
absolutely doing if I can help in any
way in terms of like setting up a
podcast or anything please do reach out
and I'll try my best to help you buddy
not a problem that a stress so we're
actually at the the fun part of the show
now this is the part where I'm gonna ask
Michael all sorts of weird and wonderful
questions let me know when you're ready
and we're gonna hit the time wrap then
we're gonna get started it's not okay
we're gonna go in three two one
okay Michael what did you eat for
breakfast nothing if you could really
live one day again what day would it be
oh the day I met my partner the ability
to fly or be invisible invisible who do
you admire most in the world and oh god
that's good question I've no idea
do I admire most in the world oh geez my
mom I love it when your fame mmm money
your proudest moment
dropping on one knee your favorite food
hates it speak or languages will be able
to speak to animals or speak to animals
100% if you could abolish one thing in
the world what would it be
oppression what some best describes your
life there is a song that I can't think
of it don't worry be happy whatever that
song got made that is a hundred percent
you
okay if you had an extra hour a day how
would you spend it with my partner
Netflix or YouTube Netflix your
number-one goal this year have a
positive impact if you could sit with
one person in the world for an hour who
would it be
rock your worst fear as a child these as
being too tall I'm 6 4 but I've been
think forces I was around 6 Wow okay
what is your biggest addiction Netflix
and finally buddy read minds or predict
the future read - love it ok that's the
end of the quickfire round so we got to
know especially when you've got like no
time to think as well so I was just
interested yes it but yeah some good
choices there everyone loves pizza and I
think I haven't found anyone yet who
doesn't like the rock ok but it's all
we've got fine or 2 questions now we're
coming towards the kind of end of the
show and the next thing I like to always
ask my guess is more about reflection so
I am a firm believer that hindsight is a
wonderful thing in terms of it teaches
us a lot he teaches us how we can get to
places quicker easier or with less
heartache now knowing you now as a
person you're very positive and you
haven't been through I suppose that much
adversity but if you could perhaps go
back to a younger michael hayes knowing
everything you know now and whisper
something in that may be uncertain young
version of yourself what would you say
and mental health is real I'd like to
have known a lot more about mental
health and being able to make an impact
earlier I think yeah absolutely I think
the world would have benefited so much
as well if you knew but I'm just
grateful I'm sure people listening to
this are as well that you're making an
impact now and on that note we are
actually on our last question of the
show and the last question again I
always like to ask all of my guess it's
about legacy and if science fails to
save us all and all that is left is a
book and that book is about Michael
Hayes and everything you've achieved in
your life and all the great weird and
before things that you've accomplished
firstly what would the title will say
and secondly what would the blurb at the
back tell us about you and the title
would say keep it simple stupid the back
would probably go along the lines of and
this bloke managed to convince everybody
that the simple things done consistently
and with a little bit of hard work make
all the difference I love that I love it
mate thank you thank you for sharing
that I think just that title alone would
definitely make me pick up the book just
to kind of think about the last
fantastic okay Michael so just before we
end the show I want to give again I've
been plugging it all the way through
this episode I want to give the audience
a chance to follow you on your journey I
think you're a very infectious positive
person I've really enjoyed this
conversation
you've got me out of my seat I was a bit
lethargic this morning had two cups of
coffee but I'm thinking about the rest
of the day so if you could tell us where
our audience can find you and what I'll
do is I'll play all of that together and
I'll put it into the show notes because
I believe you're gonna do incredible
things and you already are so far away
mate oh my cheers thanks for that and
yeah so on Instagram it's at mental
health fitness coach and Facebook just
searched mental health fitness coach and
I'll pop up on both of those I'm
actually on YouTube as well as mental
health fitness coach and there's a few
interviews that I did in the past and
one of them was with the CEO of are you
okay which is a company - an Australian
company that's are encouraging
conversations around mental health and
that's quite a good one to go and look
at and that's actually a really good
resource for anyone in the UK as well
and who are you okay just the letter are
you and then okay and that's that's one
that yeah it's probably one of the best
ones that we have in Australia so for
starting conversations and how I start a
conversation with a friend and what to
say
and it's a unbelievable resource so I'd
go check that as well be a bit
mental health fitness coach everywhere
else is where you'll finally fantastic
and we spoke I think earlier this week
you've also got another podcast so I
don't normally plug another podcast into
this but I think it'd be really nice for
people to get to know even more so what
I'll also do is I'll put that in the
show notes as well or are you okay in
there as well because again this is
something that I'll follow personally
Michael it's been an absolute pleasure
thank you for your time today and for
everyone else at home thanks for
listening today thank you and remember
this podcast is absolutely free so all
we ask in return is for you to share
this with a friend and drop us a five
star review over on iTunes have an
awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 21 "From Surviving Rape to Finding Her Voice" - Hannah Power #21
Tagline: "Embracing adversity is the biggest gift you can give yourself" - Hannah Power
Hannah Power shares her story of being tragically raped having been abducted by 3 men whilst on holiday and discusses how the adversity and nightmare she suffered has now given her a new lease of life and purpose. She is now 100% committed to ensuring other rape survivors no longer become victims for the rest of their lives.
Alongside this Hannah Power is also known for her branding expertise as she urges people to find faith and confidence in themselves to really bring out their unique gifts which they can offer to the world. With her assistance she helps people 'find their voice' and it was for this reason we had to get her on the show.
Hannah's mindset is one that we can all take valuable lessons from without hopefully going through the same pain she has been through but it is now her light that shines so brightly we can all benefit from.
I urge you all to follow her journey and support her on making a difference in the world.
Thanks for listening
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Website: https://hannahpower.co.uk
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/iamhannahpower/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/HannahIPower
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hannahipower/
Have an awesome day
JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so firstly I just want
to begin by saying this is a very very
sensitive subject and if anyone finds
speaking about this difficult then I do
have to warn you prior to starting this
episode now conscious of not making it a
doom and gloom ii episode despite the
horrific events i've gone on we have
taken a little bit of a spin on it and
rather than speak about the stuff that
hannah has so bravely spoken about to
the papers already we look at more of
the things that she's doing today
because Hannah's an incredible soul
she's somebody who's been through an
unbelievable amount of adversity as you
can see from the title as you probably
know from her story already
she was horrific ly raped by an
individual when three men abducted her
what she was travelling and I mean I
said it before the show started I didn't
have the words or I wasn't confident in
myself of saying the right stuff during
this interview I no actually mentioned
this to Hannah prior to the show started
but we both have the same goal and both
our goals and both our visions and
dreams is to help people out there find
their voice so I also felt it would be
an injustice if I never took on this
story and shared it with the world
because Hannah for one is somebody who
doesn't want people who have gone
through the same situation as her to
suffer for the rest of their lives and
be a victim forever
and again the premise of this show is to
help people find their voice find their
way find whatever it is that sparks them
in life and move forward irrespective
and the cards that you're dealt with in
life so I think without further ado I'm
gonna jump straight to this one I really
really enjoyed this conversation with
Hannah she's an incredible person she's
now doing amazing things working with
entrepreneurs you probably noticed by
the name as well
her mom was on last week as well and she
again is a fantastic individual I'd
certainly recommend if you haven't
checked that episode out please do go
back and check that one out as well and
I think you'll realize then there's
something special about these power
ladies so without further ado let's get
straight into this okay welcome to the
show and firstly I just want to say
thank you to the guests for tuning in
today and more importantly our wonderful
guest Hannah Paula who has agreed to
come on and share her story slow Hannah
how are you doing today I'm great how
are you I'm very well thank you I'm
really eager to sort of get this going
so for their purpose of their listeners
who are here today could you please just
tell us a little bit about yourself
a little bit about your story and I
suppose what brings you to where you are
right now sure so first of all thank you
so much for having me it's a real
pleasure to be here you're very welcome
so where to start so I am 26
I graduated from University with a law
degree in 2014 and started working in a
big corporate consultancy called
Accenture and six months into working at
Accenture I I went on holiday to visit
some friends in France who want a ski
season and while I was over there I was
raped by well three men picked me up in
the car and one of the men raped me and
they dropped me back off back in the
town after and the reason that that
story is important to where I am now and
the reason that I start with it is
because I had you know I've had a very
fortunate upbringing from a lovely
family and had a very sort of
traditional I guess middle-class journey
through school to college through uni
and then into a graduate job and I was
sort of following a relatively similar
path to all of my you know all of my
friends and my colleagues and peers and
stuff and then this huge spanner got
thrown in the work
of my entire life being completely
turned upside down and and entering a
world which is completely new to me and
was which was completely new to me and
completely awful and you know confusion
and complete loneliness and it really
you know it would change the course of
my life because obviously it wasn't
something which I was that I knew how to
deal with and it and it pushed me off a
path into you know a really big struggle
and trying to understand really you know
the world and why bad things happen
because once you've seen the awful side
of the world it's so hard to you know to
unsee it and I was happy in my job but
it wasn't really doing it for me I
wasn't fulfilled and I was living in
London and I was doing the whole
commuting thing and it just didn't you
know on the tube it just wasn't doing it
for me so around the time of sort of
struggling with you know the healing and
trying to get through it all I was also
struggling with you know alcohol and and
struggling with lack of fulfillment at
work I decided to you know quit
everything and move to Bali and I'm to
Bali at the beginning of last year 2018
and I kind of went on this year of I
guess discovery in every single aspect
of it of life of business of healing of
spirituality of everything to basically
recover from what happened to me and to
work how you know what my purpose was in
this world and what impact and you know
what what my going to do with the rest
of my life and you know now I feel
grateful but what happened to me for
giving me that that sort of accelerant
into where I am and yeah it's been a
huge journey but now I'm focused on
supporting others who've been through
something similar and supporting people
more generally to find fulfillment in
their lives and not settle for less and
settle for a rubbish life but to go
after a life that they really love and
are proud of and are excited about I
think that's amazing
I think just before we touch on that
last bit there which is incredible and
that's kind of they I suppose the most I
know about you so I've checked out
website and stuff and it's not just
limited to people who have suffered in a
similar situation to yourself you've
almost found this purpose where you just
want to help as many people as possible
but obviously just before I go into that
I don't want to kind of leave it as the
elephant in the room and I spoke prior
to us speaking about this that it is a
difficult topic because I don't come
from a counseling background nor do I
want this episode to be some level of
counseling but it I think anyone
listening to this it's going to fill him
with a mixed level of emotions I mean
for me myself it makes me sad I feel
embarrassed on behalf of the male
population I think you know there's this
level of anger how one human three human
sorry could do that to another human I
mean I just find how people can just
justify their actions by hurting other
people it really does touches a nerve to
be completely honest with you and that's
probably why I was nervous before this
show but I'm just I suppose I mean in
the very short amount of time that we've
had this conversation obviously we spoke
previously I've learnt so much I suppose
about myself in terms of my own personal
development and trying to change my own
perception because what you've just done
and how you've just explained your
journey and how you sin this darkness
and you've almost found it as you're
actually grateful for it now I think
that I think that's remarkable and I
think in a very short amount of time as
I said just knowing you I'm very very
proud of you for that I'm grateful that
I'm able to have met someone like that
because it teaches me so much and I'm
sure it's gonna teach our listeners as
well so much about once you sin the
darkest parts of the world you're almost
now they're trying to almost line up
everything around you and I think I
think that's beautiful
and I want to take it actually into that
beautiful space if that's ok with you
rather than dwell on that situation
which has made you the person you are
today so you're now in Bali which from
Instagram now are you back in UK ok so
you've kind of found yourself now you've
had this year of discovery this healing
this purpose can we just touch on what
exactly you offer to easy clients your
class amazing yeah yeah so and I I've
always come from a sort of a digital
technology and marketing background and
I've always been very I've always worked
really a lot in personal branding so you
know getting yourself known online in a
you know as a leader or as somebody
who's known for something I think it's
come from my parents have always worked
in the internet and you know they were
one of the first people into this whole
world and what I what I realized by
moving to Bali and sort of building this
life that I love was that the reason I'd
been able to do all of these things was
because of the fact that I'd invested
and grown my personal brand so when I
moved out to Bali
it wasn't that difficult for me to get
work and my first you know my first
remote job and then for me to then start
a business which was an agency and fill
it with clients because I had invested
the time in creating content and being
known online as being somebody who knows
what they're talking about so by having
this personal brand I thought I realized
that oh my god this actually gives you a
huge amount of opportunity then after
that side of things when I decided this
year to to you know go public with my
story and try to create an impact and
help other people again because of the
parity of the internet and because I
built this following and had a sort of
personality online I then was able to
have enormous impact on others so I
decided you know I I think that you know
building a personal brand of being known
online is an integral thing to do if you
want to you know live a life which
fulfills you and have a positive impact
on the world so I you know this is what
I do to my clients now I help them to
really define their message and build
their their brand online I'd establish
them as leaders in their fields you know
and prepare them for having an impact
you know prepare them to have an impact
so that's what I do and I think it's
difficult working in personal branding
because there's a lot of in overlap with
you know there's sort of the negative
connotations that come with being an
influencer but what actor is not about
you know it's not about the influencer
side of things of you know when people
come out of these reality TV shows or
anything like that it's about somebody
saying look this is me this is what I'm
really good at this is I can you know
this is what I love to do and this is
how I
can support other people through it and
and helping those people to become
leaders online because I think the
opportunities that open up from open
doors from doing that are huge and
literally never-ending so that's why I
do what I do and I work with my clients
on a one-to-one basis and at the moment
I'm gonna start building a group program
to support people on that journey that's
fantastic I'll have to get the details
for that and I'll put it in the show
notes afterwards for anyone who's this
now who would love to reach out to you
and I think just under personal branding
so it's something that I'm trying to I'm
more conscious of a suppose and I'm
trying to build my own and I'm sure many
listeners are as well but you also have
an advantage of having the most
fantastic surname ever I think that
certainly house but I'm I just wanted to
touch on something there so try and wear
this the right way so obviously you have
a personal brand now you're Hannah power
and you help people find their way
become leaders online do you ever think
or do you just try to think of the right
ways are you against being known as the
girl who got raped or is that just part
and parcel of that of the story and
something that you're happy to be
accepted for however you have so much
more to give to the world and I think
that I think the reason I'm public about
being raped is because of the fact that
it's such a secret crime Thanks it
causes a lot more harm by keeping things
a secret than it does by talking about
them that's true in every form of mental
illness or anything really that happens
we all know that secrets aren't really a
positive so the reason that I am open
about what happened to me is because I'm
not ashamed of it it wasn't my doing of
quite who I am so it's a part of my
story and it's a part of me so that I
don't want to a keep it a secret because
it is a part of me but secondly I want
to inspire others unfortunately with
rape there are a lot of people that are
raped in their lifetime and it and it's
it's huge it's like it's a secret
epidemic that's going on I mean since
I've shared my story the amount of
people that have reached out to me some
of them that I actually even know quite
well we've been through something
similar is actually unbelievable I mean
I've got friends close friends male 4
whose girlfriends have told me they've
been raped but they haven't even told
their boyfriend's yet because it's such
a misunderstood and confusing messed-up
crime that people don't know how to deal
with it so by me talking about and being
open about it I just want to break the
secret if there's if the secret can go
we can talk about it we can deal with it
we don't have to be ashamed of what
happened to us when it's not something
we cause if I punched you in the face
would you think it was your fault no you
would but with Ray for some reason
because of the fact that we're not able
to cope with it and deal with it in
society we feel that it's on us so do I
want to be known as the girl that was
raped no I would like to be known as
more than that but is it an important
part of my story and am i proud to be
somebody who has got through that and
wants to inspire others absolutely
because once you've got through
something like that there are very few
challenges that the world can throw at
you that you aren't able to handle and
for me that's an incredible power and
strength in every challenge I take on in
my life whether it's a new business or
whatever it might be I am completely in
complete confidence that I can do it
because I always can say to myself well
Hannah you've done worse I love that I
just think like you just said you should
be very very proud of that having
overcome that and I think should be even
more proud that now you've your sole
purpose in life is almost to help other
people and I think you'll do incredible
things and I think sometimes a lot of us
in life we kind of go through life
almost not knowing what we actually put
on this earth for and that's kind of how
I've always seen myself so I was always
an academic at school and I was always
kind of being pushed from Normal School
to do grammar schools to universities
and any and I always felt like this
isn't me that there has to be something
else and we touched on it briefly before
this episode how it took a massive 18
months of adversity my life to really
completely change me and sometimes I
always say I don't want any of my
listeners to go through any an OST for
that for their life to change but
sometimes it's necessary it is I think
the people that have been through pain
if they can use if you can use it
properly and you can do the work I think
it's it opens
opens you up to to finding your meaning
but of course you wouldn't wish on
anybody else but some of the happiest
people I know have actually been through
the worst absolutely and least happy
people I know who struggle with anxiety
and day to day issues have actually had
a real smooth ride and it can take a big
knock to to push you onto the right path
and that's why I feel so fortunate to
have had that happen to me at a young
enough age to be able to go to know that
every day I wake up that you know I'm I
mean I know exactly that I am where I'm
supposed to be and have huge faith and
excitement for my future absolutely I
love it I'm actually just really happy
that you're in such a great place now as
well as I'm sure you and all your family
and friends are as well and and you hit
the nail on the head there I think when
people go through pain or adversity in
life they've almost reached a level of
darkness where you can't see any light
especially in that moment and I think
when you kind of crawl out of that hole
however you want to imagine that then
any sort of light almost brings you
gratitude and happiness
yeah and fulfillment and I'm kind of
like that so the smallest things I will
be grateful for on a daily basis and
hearing stories like like yourself and
from whether guess it really does put
things into perspective of how fortunate
you all are and how limited our time is
so it's amazing that there's people like
you now who are just really trying to
help other people find that papers as
well so I think that's fantastic
and thank you again for sharing that so
what I want to know now is could you
tell us a little bit about your routines
your lifestyle today in terms of how you
manage to maintain this almost solid
mindset and how you manage to keep
persevering through life have you got
any daily habits rituals but meditation
practices and also really good question
actually because yeah I mean I first got
into kind of healthy like I guess living
when I was 22 in terms of being you know
really disciplined with my diet and
exercise I am have got an ovary
condition which causes me to gain weight
really quickly so I have to be really
diligent with my exercise and my site
you know I put on weight quite quickly
and things like that so I've always
since being 22 I've always been
very conscious of the fact that if I put
bad things into my body then I feel
rubbish so I know that if I eat like a
load of chocolate or something it's not
going to make me feel good and so from
it like a diet next size point of view I
guess I'm that sort of pot that's the
sort of natural habit I already have and
so I don't require the discipline of
that anymore but I would say hey you
know to get to a habit stage you have to
start with discipline and I think some
of the things which I sort of had to be
disciplined with in barley were
definitely things around yoga and
meditation and almost just generally
taking time to breathe and just act so I
would say that in terms of a daily
practice I I don't meditate every day I
really want to get to a point that I do
what I do do every day morning and
evening is I like a little candle and I
do which is in front of a sort of it's
not a Buddha it's like a sort of a yogi
figure thing and I do sort of give
gratitude to the universe and and say
you know I give you know I am on a path
and I and I trust you to lead me on it
so I guess some people to call that a
prayer I don't I don't mind I I just
call it sort of a moment of gratitude to
the universe and I do that every morning
and evening so I say that's a daily
routine I definitely plan to be much
more disciplined with my yoga and
meditation every day the other thing
which I would say that has had a
humongous impact in fact it's probably
one of the biggest decisions and
life-changing decisions I've made so far
is um quitting drinking alcohol in July
last year so I would say that without a
shadow of a doubt that is one of the
biggest enablers of the reason that I am
happy positive achieving everything I
want to be achieving supporting people
who I want to support and just generally
my sort of balanced mood I don't really
get you know I don't get those low
anxious moments really anymore I don't
I had the alike was diagnosed with PTSD
soon after the rape and I would say that
they're probably the biggest thing for
me in terms of
when you've asked about sort of daily
habits and sort of lifestyle stuff for
me the biggest thing for me is is the
non the no alcohol
that's fantastic thank you for sharing
that so I think the moment of gratitude
thing that you do is is beautiful I I
don't do it twice I should probably do
it twice I think I do always try and
stay present so the yoga thing again
that's always a trait that or the
meditation bit is always a trait of
successful people so yeah it's really
useful the alcohol once it's an
interesting one because like yourself I
get almost after say for instance a
heavy night of drinking going out on a
social the next day I have this really
weird feeling of almost like anxiety or
regret or just feeling absolutely
depressed I think you got from one
extreme of a high almost is such a low
and then I have these thoughts that for
the next 24 hours I'm really not the
kind of person that I want to be
perceived as so I'll call something I'm
trying to myself pasty knock in the head
obviously another health benefits of it
I'm not a drinker in terms of our drink
every single week but I fully understand
that because I was going to ask you a
question in relation to was the alcohol
linked because you started drinking post
rape or I would say that when I when I
first ever started drinking at parties I
don't know when you're what like 14 15 I
was never particularly good at kind of
managing my alcohol in time so I was
kind of a go hard or go home type crazy
so I think a lot of people are I think I
was a bit insecure when I was young and
I think I used alcohol as a kind of
confidence booster at parties and things
like that when I after the after I was
raped I think I think the thing is
because your mind my mind was just in
this whole crazy world it wasn't even
like it was my mind anymore it was I
become somebody else and the alcohol
being in that sort of drunk state almost
gave me a connection to who I used to be
I know it sounds really weird to say it
like that but it was almost a freedom I
got to leave the mind of this girl who'd
been raped who was in pain who
struggling who was lost and move into
being somebody else and I think it did
give me just like you said it gave me
high high
because it gave me a break and then it
gave me very low loads but actually
those low loads that went off and when
you know you start to do the work so I
would say actually although I would say
I was probably abusing alcohol I
actually wouldn't take it back again
because I think it helped me to kind of
deal with it the reason I ended up
putting a hard stop to it was I ended up
having an accident while I was in Bali
and breaking my shoulder and I ended up
in hospital for six days and I then
ended up for another week after that
dealing with the sort of side effects of
being on a really strong like a morphine
type pill which they sort of give you
willy nilly when you're in a kind of
developing country and I it took me a
while to return to being normal again
because of the the accident the alcohol
and then this drug and what's it called
oxycodone and after that I basically
thought you know what not only am i
potentially going to really harm myself
if I carry on drinking but actually if I
keep losing these days our days of my
life I mean this was two weeks but if
you're losing I was losing and maybe one
or two days of productivity a week to to
being to being tired or being anxious or
being hungover actually I'm not going to
be able to achieve everything that I
want to and know I can in my life I'm
actually not going to be able to do that
I don't have enough time to waste on
this poison there's no spare time and to
waste the day being hungover in the day
after that being anxious and the day
after that getting back on track I
haven't got the time in my life so I
decided that actually I loved myself and
I was more excited for my life more than
I then I needed the alcohol so I made a
decision that I was going to stop and I
listened to an incredible book by a guy
called Alan Carr who's this this this
addiction guru and it's a six and a half
hour audio book I did it in a day the
day before my birthday and I woke up on
my birthday as a non-drinker
and I have never ever touched a drop
drop or wanted to since that's
incredible
could you tell us the name of that book
yeah it's by I'm his name's Paul and the
books
the easy way to stop drinking he's got a
load of books he's got a smoking book
and a sugar book and a gambling book but
the drinking one for me was the one that
I was always really worried that I would
feel a sense of you know you know loss
that I was missing out on things and I
would always sire it and what Alan
Carr's book does is it sort of it
removes the desire so you no longer want
it it would be like me saying to you
what you know 10 o'clock at night would
you like a really strong cup of coffee
you know you just wouldn't want to say
no that's what I want right now and
that's you know I know that it would
make me not sleep and it's you know
whatever to me it just immediately
removed the desire I mean I went from
being a pretty big drinker to literally
even the smell of like a beer made me
feel like a bit sick literally after
reading this book and for me I never
wanted I never preached to people you
know when they say say like a lot
everyone drinks around me I'm not like
not like telling people not to drink but
if people say to me Hannah what's you
know how can I achieve what I want to in
my life and start my own business or
whatever I say well the first thing you
need to do is is drink less because you
know knows that it doesn't do anything
positive to their lifestyle and their
goals absolutely Aarthi I think you've
hit the nail on the head there there was
something you mentioned it turns up
insecurity and anxiety and that's
probably one of the reasons I think I
first started drinking as well as a
teenager I haven't been shy and anxious
it was kind of the only way to get on
the dancefloor the only way to feel
confident around other people so
absolutely and it's conditioned into
what I mean if we just if we didn't have
Apple and we were just forced to push
through those those embarrassing awkward
moments when you're sort of you know you
spotty or whatever because you're 1516
and you kind of you know you're not you
sort of fancy people and they don't
fancy and all that stuff that happens to
us when we're young if we just had to
push through it like we did when we were
kids but what happens is you get told by
somebody usually older than you that
there's this magic potion that takes it
all away the rest of our lives we
associate whenever something goes wrong
with the magic potion when actually the
magic potion tends to be causing a lot
of the stuff that put us there in the
first place so my dad got cancer last
year and he stopped drinking as well and
neither of us drink now and he would say
the same I mean
it's just you know it's it's just he's
your and better because of it and yeah I
mean again I you know I'd never preached
it but for me is definitely one of the
biggest things that I would post what I
would ever attribute any success in
terms of you know financial or just
general in a call happiness is that
that's a fair point I think just before
I carry on and I'm sorry to hear about
your dad as well in relation to the case
I hope everything's fine yeah with him
just quickly then so not to make this
about an alcohol podcast episode but um
have you managed to change your circle
are you still able to associate yourself
having read this book in the same kind
of circle that you were in previously do
you know what it's so funny because I
thought that everyone was going to be
really freaked out by it you know be
like oh my god you're so boring or
whatever and I was so shocked by the
reaction a most people are like oh my
god that's so cool I wish I could do
that be the other thing I realize is
that when I hang out with my friends and
things like that and family they
actually like seeing me because they
know that they don't need to drink when
they're with me so that means that
they're not going to be hungover the
next day or they're gonna feel healthier
so I think coming to see me is like or
spending time with me it's like almost a
break from the pressures of drinking
when actually a lot of people don't
actually want to drink as much as they
do it's a lot of it's just because of
routine and habit and the people that
they're with so I mean I I have a lot of
like non-alcoholic alternatives so I've
got non-alcoholic red wine and Prosecco
and beers and gins and things like that
so if I hang out with a friend you know
often I'll be with even a boy when he's
eight having a beer when he's with me
he's very happy to have like a
non-alcoholic Peroni and just tells me
how much you like I would say that about
11 o'clock at night when people are
getting really drunk I tend to point to
head off just because I like to wake up
early and go to the gym or read or
whatever I'm quite an early riser so I
don't really see the point in staying
out late so I don't see out as late as I
did but and partly cuz also being around
drunk people when they've been drinking
for a few hours becomes a little bit
ring because
start to repeat them separate you tell
you all their secrets they don't really
want you to know when they're messy and
so I mean my cycle is stayed completely
the same and I don't know maybe people
do have a problem with it but I've never
I actually found it a lot easy I thought
I was gonna have to really prepare
people for it it seems to me that
everyone's just fascinated by it and
kind of wants to do it but it's just
sort of like doesn't think that they can
I think I've sort of become you know
amongst some of the people I know this
kind of weird enigma they're kind of
like well one minute Hannah was one of
us and then she moved to Bali and now
she's doing all this and how she talks
about praying and she doesn't drink
alcohol and I think she's kind of I
don't know I think people just sort of
think well I don't know she seems really
happy so maybe we should be doing all
that stuff yeah so no I haven't had to
change my circles to sum up that's
brilliant so you've managed to keep your
circle and still hang out and I agree
completely as well with the whole 11
o'clock thing I think we're both early
rises and up and to find that this is
why I think a lot of people struggle
with Mondays so you hear the whole world
moaning that they're gonna go to work on
Monday yes it's probably the fact
they're in a job that they don't like
but I think the other thing is Friday
Saturday Sunday their sleep patterns are
completely yes and what's happening is
they're almost in a jet like kind of
phase so along with obviously limited
alcohol and health and stuff I always
say sleep should be like a massive
massive priority as well so I like I'm
like a baby like I have to sleep a hell
of a lot I was reading my friend shared
an article the other day that apparently
they're now proving that the kind of
hustle the kind of hustle mentality is
being replaced by being like the most
successful people actually rest a lot
which made me really happy because I
like I don't normally need eight hours
and then like a half an hour nap in the
afternoon because I wake up so early I
start working about 7:00 in the morning
or sometimes yeah about 7:00 so my
brains been pretty and my brain gets
quite tired by about three o'clock in
the afternoon I have to have like a
little 20-minute catnap so it's cool
that sleeping in business it's that
cool to rest now rather than like
hustling your way through to 11 o'clock
at night every night so yeah it's
interesting
just on that Hannah resolve there's a
book called sleep smarter by Sean
Stephenson I'll send you a link to it
afterwards it's inaudible and he's
actually done a lot of extensive
research into sleeping hence why I now
have blackout blinds I'll make sure I
try and sleep at exactly the same time I
turned off my phone
they're 40 minutes before going into bed
yeah have a look honestly it's it's a
fantastic but can you really does open
your eyes because there's links actually
between your productivity of being drunk
and being sleep-deprived and it's almost
the same right yeah so in an office
space you probably see people who have
not drank the night before but not slept
popu you're probably not as productive
so somebody who comes in absolutely
hungover so it being in barley because
barley and the like the Sun comes up at
5:00 and it goes down about half past
6:00 so the whole day's almost starts
two hours before it does in the UK so
not barley like where I was living is
quite buzzing at about 7:00 a.m. and
then by about like 9:30 10 o'clock like
it's pretty quiet apart from like the
holidaymakers so I think I just really
got into this way of living because we
in barley everyone sort of living around
the Sun because people surf early in the
mornings it's better waves so yeah I
mean I think it really works and it
means yeah yeah it's really I mean it is
totally crucial sleeping is crucial I
think it's great I think you've
obviously not just developed your mind
now you start to look at even physically
as well it's gonna obviously benefit you
yeah I think we're getting awareness and
self awareness is almost addictive
though isn't it like it certainly is
yeah because I know that I can fix
something if it and make I can
constantly improve myself like if I
notice something I'm like oh hey what's
that right let's dig into that let's get
that worked out like what do I need to
do there like I was actually looking at
it earlier and I always find around the
25th of the month is when I get quite
like I saw that's when I need really to
have more time off and then when I'm in
the kind of early stages of the month
like the price to the seventh I'm in
total like knowledge mode I just want to
consume content
and then I think that I'm quite creative
in the middle of the month so I'm always
just getting more and more awareness
around myself so that I can you know so
that I can do the B and flow as much as
possible so I guess it's just that
awareness yeah is addictive so I guess
sleep is just falls under that bracket
doesn't it absolutely brilliant okay so
another question I wanted to ask you now
hopefully again this this gives the
listeners a lot of value because other
than your routine and how your practice
in your daily life now which is going to
obviously give them great value going
back to the adversity and not to jump
into it too much in relation to that
horrible event that happened to you in
France what one lesson would you tell
our audience I think for me it's the
importance of having faith in the
universe I really I've never been a
religious person and I've never either
or I also you know I haven't cast myself
as a spiritual person but from reading
everything that I have read and watching
everything I've watched from business
you know business II really hardcore
business books by like people like Grant
Cardone to really kind of hippie woowoo
universe books by people like Gabby
Bernstein the biggest thing that
underlies for me that's underlying these
these books are people that are
successful and happy is that they just
have faith that everything will work out
and it's happening the way that it's
meant to happen and that we're all on a
par and as long as we you know we we
fulfill the things that we should be
fulfilling that really you just have
faith in what's coming towards you you
can't you can't prepare for the things
that happen you can't prevent them from
happening but as long as you always keep
faith that there is light at the end of
the tunnel and that there is that things
happen the way they're meant to happen I
think you can get through pretty much
anything so I think yeah that would be
my my number one lesson and I would say
a really big turning point for me it
sounds a bit nuts actually but I
basically towards the end of last year
got really
obsessed with watching films about World
War two I don't I don't know why I just
think I just that atrocity just I was
just fascinated by I think and the
strength of everyone who came through it
and I watched that film
The Pianist have you seen it I've not
seen that my life was totally changed by
that film and it's because there is this
man who loses his entire family his all
his friends everything he knows his home
and everything like that
and yet he is still fighting to survive
throughout that whole film okay I
haven't given it away because that
happens right like really okay it's
still fighting to survive because he has
faith in whatever whatever their
whatever it is that he is fighting for
exists so we because survival is the
strongest human instinct and that is
faith that is that's what makes you for
perhaps that want to survive in faith
that there is a reason to do it if you
didn't have the reason to do it you
wouldn't do it so for me what got me
through is knowing that you know that
there was there was gonna be positives
in the future I was gonna get through
this so I'd seen people struggle through
awful things and come out the other side
so for me the biggest lesson would be
finding faith if you have you got it you
need to find it whatever it might be
whether it's for me it's just the
universe I think in the way Gabby burns
he talks about it in the way that she in
her in her books and her teachings is
just about having faith in the universe
having faith is something bigger than
yourself and most people do have that
and it's just about then trusting that
that I think is what gets most people
through huge pain and challenge and for
me that was the biggest thing for me is
that faith and I know that it will carry
me through my entire life is having
faith in that path and the world that's
bigger than me I love it I think that's
a that's a brilliant answer and it's
actually something that's brought back a
memory to myself of actually my first
ever episode so I did an episode with my
very very good friend Kevin Dillon he
was blind from a very young kid in one
of his eyes through meningitis and again
he's got brilliant attitude like
yourself he's up he's all about helping
people always a very positive person and
his mindset always got
faith in things are always gonna be
better and he he actually said a quote
and I mean uh this this episode was a
long time ago but I can actually
remember it because he says believe in
God or believe in yourself or believe in
the universe but just believe in
something because if somebody doesn't
believe in anything they'll always be
lost it was really powerful and it
always made sense to me because I
suppose I can't I'm kind of an atheist
if I'm completely honest in terms of I
don't really necessarily believe a
religion or anything like that but I do
have a kind of spiritualist side to me
where I think there's obviously
something out there or at least that's
what bigger than myself and you hit the
nail on the head there he said something
bigger they knew so almost giving faith
and a bit of supposed control to that
thing knowing that maybe that's going to
get us through it I think that believe
that as humans because we're built to
survive and we need something some
reason are supposed to kind of keep us
going well I you know I think at the end
of last year I think I was having I mean
I laugh about it because I was I was
living with a big load of people at bi
and I was living with this one guy
called Joe who's from the UK and oh my
gosh I think about him I think he must
think I'm so nuts because I think I was
having existential crisis for the month
that he was living in the villa with me
and he'd get back from like a day of
like I don't know a day of like surfing
and co-working and he'll be like how was
your day and I'd be like yeah it's good
so what do you think the meaning of life
is because I was like really trying to
understand I was like yeah so I'm
wanting to understand why bad things
happen I was like I've been through this
I would hear more stories it was almost
like I was taking on the whole world's
pain like somebody would talk about like
plastic in the ocean and I was just
crying because I was like the world is
so awful and then it just I just kept
sort of delving into this and I was
watching all these films about the
Holocaust and just I was just literally
like I was literally like hurting myself
with pain because I was so wanting to
understand why it exists and and the
point of it and the point of life if
there is all this pain why do we bother
does it make sense me and then and then
they had this lightbulb moment with the
pianist film and then with reading a lot
of what Gabby Bernstein talks about and
a lot of the kind of yogi teachings and
staff from Eckhart Tolle stuff
of this bigger thing and it's it's not
something you need to put your miss and
you just have to know that it's there
and we do all know that it's there
because whenever I ask someone you know
do you believe that there's you know do
you believe in anything and most people
say I don't they say I'm not I'm not
religious but I do believe that there is
something bigger out there in the
universe pretty much most people do say
that and I think that you know you don't
have to label it as anything you just
have to know that it's there and that it
and it's taking care of you and once you
release your your you'll panic and worry
about the future and where you need to
be and this and that and the past and
everything like that and you accept that
your path is your path and you just
follow it my god it's so freeing I mean
that to me is total freedom I spent a
year trying to find freedom by being in
Bali you know what is freedom is it it's
about being location free as if I'd been
financially free is about being time
free I think it's just about being free
from the crap that's in your head and
just going well it's gonna work out
eventually you know it always does and
that and that is what the journey is of
life and I think the second you can
enjoy that and embrace it you're going
to enjoy your life and find that freedom
that's brilliant I think freeing
yourself from the crap in your head is
what I want to do to be honest and I'm
sure people listening to this can
obviously relate to that because that is
what it's all about and you said some
stuff there that I was almost nodding in
agreement because I'm like oh my god
that's me so the whole why do bad things
happen and trying to understand why
they're happening it almost consumes you
so we touched right before this I I'm an
emotional person and I find myself
that's why I don't even watch the news
or listen to stories because I'm like
I'll just be sitting there crying all
day almost like using all my energy due
to myself for some reason it was it was
a while I was doing this myself for
about three months
I literally just watched anything I
could that I knew was gonna make me cry
and hate the world because I just needed
to understand it otherwise I didn't see
the point I was like what is the point
there has to be a point and then I lost
the penis and I was like well there is
definitely a point because he survived
when he had basically in my opinion
nothing to live for yet he still
survived which means that whatever kept
him alive exists because it literally
defies the point the reason it defies
everything in my opinion the reason he
survived because it doesn't make any
sense anyway it was basically I'm
basically talking about my existential
crisis which I had at the end of last
year and I read books I don't know if
you've read a man's search for meaning
by Viktor Frankl but all of these things
I was just going all in and trying to
just get it I was like I'm a bit of a
fast person so I'm like look if I've got
to get through this I need to go all in
and get it done fast so I think I just
put myself an accelerated path o of
consciousness and understanding and then
came out the other side with this
completely different mindset and I mean
yeah life's you know never looked better
because I think and then you just have
that awareness where you feel yourself
slipping from it like last week when I
was feeling you had these overwhelm
moments where I was thinking oh my
goodness you know there's a lot going on
here and I've you know I've taken a lot
on to just kind of catching and going
well don't worry Hannah you know it's
gonna be fine you know you know just
just up you know do a bit more praying
like a few extra candles whatever it
needs to be have that food and having
that faith and then the second you
return to that faith and and that and
that you know coming back to laughs you
you're fine so yeah I mean I think Gabby
Bernstein stuff is really fantastic
I think she's she's she's well she's
well regarded but I think she should be
like more more regarded like her stuff
is so good I'm also fortunate to know
Jay Shetty I don't know if you follow
him but he's a friend of my dad and we
used to work we work together for a bit
at accenture and I'm fortunate to know
him and obviously he's all about this
this wisdom and so I think I'm lucky
really with the people that I follow and
that I have in my life my cousin has
been my complete spiritual guide over
the last five years who he's just he's
just sent from wherever the greatness
lives that's the most incredible person
in the world and then my direct family
my mom my brothers my dad and friends I
think I'm just I'm just incredible
and that's what I focus on that's how I
you know that's you know I don't think
life's hard you know because I've been
through stuff I think life is incredible
absolutely absolutely
you got you got fantastic knitwear there
actually and obviously in your mum as
well she's she's an amazing lady I was
also just thinking just there as well
when you're talking so I need to
research Gabby Bernstein but Eckhart
Tolle is another one who talks about
this the consciousness and stuff and I
kind of wish he had someone like
yourself to narrate his books because
I'm listening to the audio books in a
funny really difficult relaxing asleep
absolutely I'm driving and I'm like this
is just the hazard his voice is too
relaxing I literally you have to be on
the move on foot you have to like walk
around the garden or something because
otherwise will not last because it's
just do you know when Eckhart Tolle at
check you watch him on YouTube he's
actually like he's actually pretty funny
and he's quite accessible if you watched
him in like short sharp he does these
kind of question answer sessions and
things and you can kind of get his
knowledge in these sort of five-minute
chunks which is obviously much more
accessible you know his books pretty
pretty intense is pretty incredible but
if you just want to grab bits of him or
would just have a question some doesn't
you type in the question you've got he's
got there's a video of somebody else
asking a similar question okay and he's
pretty funny and light which really
surprised me after listening to his book
so much at that I suppose he's probably
made that book maybe not for people who
are just driving and maybe as a sort of
he's kind of encyclopedia of finding I
think it's probably one that should be
read rather than listen to you can be
honest I've got it on my I need to get
it you know I need to get it out and get
a highlighter and all of that kind of
stuff
definitely yeah I can imagine that I'm
sure he's full of like amazing gems
that's brilliant okay so you're in this
place now where I'm very happy that
you're in such a great place then not
just spiritually if you want to call it
that and physically and just everything
in terms of your business business and
moving forward
yeah have you got any fears now I mean
what kind of scares you in this current
moment and okay that it's actually a
really good question I'll tell you what
what scares me is the thought is a
finding like a partner
like her boyfriend or falling in love
okay that's interesting yeah which is a
very operate dancer I didn't if you
expect me to go that honest but may as
well yeah please do can i elaborate yeah
so I think I just not been I guess I
wouldn't say you know unlucky because I
you know as I said I believe that our
path is our path so I think you know
what's happened was meant to happen but
I've not had great luck I guess if you
don't allow us to call it with with
relationships over the last few years I
don't think I'm very good at picking
people that are right for me I think I
struggle to be really open and I guess
it comes a lot of insecurities from when
I was young now things are now my life
is very different in terms of you know I
don't go out drinking so you're less
likely to meet people I live in a you
know I live in a town where I love my
town that I live and I don't want to
live in London but that means that you
know I'm less likely to meet people
you know in my kind of age group I don't
I don't enjoy apps you know I'm not I
don't have I don't have any desire to
spend more time using technology but I
work or you know I work on technology
all day I don't want to sit in front of
the TV and swipe on my phone and talk to
some random person and go whoo I don't
even know if they're interesting or
funny based on a photo and I need funny
so I guess I've also told three boys
that I love them and not had them say it
back so all three of my relationships
have been have been you know unrequited
love and that's quite you know that's
from 16 to 26 so that's actually you
know that's tough so I guess what my
fear would be in something I know I need
to do the work on is around my relation
you know my relationships and my
attitudes to - laughs I guess in terms
of finding a partner to share my life
with you know I want to have that you
know it's not that I you know it's not
like I'm not always because I love being
single I think a better when they're
together I look at my mum and dad who
have the best relationship out of anyone
I know when they bring out the best in
each other and you know they get to
enjoy their lives together and have a
real partner so I guess that would be
you know if you want my honest answer to
that instead of a sort of a
and answer then that would be something
which I guess is a fear thank you for
sharing that it's actually a really
interesting answer and probably one I
will didn't guess if I had 100 guesses
I'm sure obviously as you know as well
it will happen when it's meant to happen
the reason I find it so interesting is
having had such a horrible experience
where you've almost got this incredible
resilience where I suppose nothing's
really going to necessarily scare you
anymore because you've already been hurt
you've already been to the bottom you've
already been in a dark place to have in
that level of insecurity with that
particular subject I just find that
interesting it again I think if you look
at the world I mean love in terms of you
know love for another person a partner
is a you know pretty big thing I mean
you know every song every film you know
most of it pretty much most of life
comes down to you know love of another
person and you know that's why you know
that's why we're on our planet find a
partner and procreate I mean that's how
that's how the evolution survives so
although it sounds you know minor in
comparison to you know huge adversity
and stuff I think it's probably at the
same time one of life's biggest missions
and at the same time can be challenges
to get it right I mean you got to get
I'm not one who's gonna set you know I'm
not a settler so I've got to get it
right it's got to be and especially you
know my parents have an incredible
relationship so my you know my bar is
set really high I you know I want real
proper love that makes that makes us
both better that you know that we we
have the same hopes and dreams and I
think you know I'm an extremely
ambitious person I'm you know I'm very
self-aware I know what I'm about and I
think potentially it's hard to find
other people at that same level I don't
know I don't know what the offer is I
mean it's probably down to the fact that
I may be not not open to it and it's
work that I I've got it on my my mental
note of work to do on myself is to is to
delve into it and and make sure that you
know I'm not you know I'm not limiting
myself in any way yeah absolutely I
think at least you're recognizing that
there is potentially some work there to
that's really important but yeah I mean
your level of self-awareness is
definitely not something that I suppose
is common amongst common people should I
say but life is definitely better years
in terms of if you can find the right
person and obviously you'll never sell
but please do not settle and however
long that takes you can almost have
everything and more Panna we're actually
gonna go to the fun part of the show now
so this is normally where quite fun just
so you know sorry I have actually found
most a bit quite honorable thank you
thank you
you're a great you're a great
interviewer great question so thank you
thank you you really shouldn't worry I
mean you're definitely skilled I mean
I'm sure you're going to be very
successful with this podcast because I
love your very you've got the right
level of empathy and you're really it
sounds to me like you're you're really
listening which actually sounds really
obvious but it's actually a really
important skill that very few people
have so yeah I think you should be
really you know pleased to do with
yourself I'll bless you thank you so
much
you caught me off guard there a little
bit nice fine it's fine
okay so quickfire round this is
basically 60 seconds where I'm gonna ask
you the most random questions so why if
it comes to your mind there's no right
or wrong and said it's just a little bit
of fun for the audience to get to know a
little bit more about you are you ready
yeah okay fantastic we're gonna start in
three two one
what did you eat for breakfast I don't
eat breakfast I'm on intermittent
fasting like eight no problem if you
could really relive one day again which
day would it be any day today I mean I
love every day I love that the ability
to fly or be invisible fly who do you
admire most in the world my mum when
your fame okay your favorite food you
know your proudest moment quitting
alcohol would you rather speak or
languages or be able to speak to animals
animals 100 percent if you could abolish
one thing in the world what would it be
right what song best describes your life
life by Desiree I love that song so good
it's brilliant if you had an extra hour
a day what would you spend it on just
asking my parents questions Netflix or
YouTube
your favorite TV show ever friends would
you rather know how you would die or
when you were dying how if you could sit
with one person in the world for an hour
who would it be
Gary Vaynerchuk I love Gary Vee yeah
your favorite place in the world
Farnum Ansari read minds or predict the
future read minds and the last question
your favorite superhero I love Groot
Groot yeah from guardians of the galaxy
yeah he's a superhero is new yeah I
suppose we can give you that one I love
he's brilliant he's got like the most
easiest lines ever to remember in a film
I think you can communicate with three
words only in your life in the world so
that would make which is basically my
job and everything I love so yeah yeah
absolutely yeah brilliant okay fantastic
so we have just two more questions left
for you Hannah and the next one's about
reflection so knowing exactly what you
know now with all your knowledge and all
everything that you've been through in
life I want you to take yourself back
and I want you to take yourself back to
a young Hannah maybe where you struggled
with it first to you or something didn't
quite go your way in life so knowing all
this information now and going back to
this young Hannah
what would you whisper in her ears such
interesting question because two weeks
ago I did a hole in a child session with
my cousin and I actually did exactly
this so I went back to ten year old
Hannah which I think was a Hannah who
was really starting to know who she was
in the world but because it wasn't the
same as what everybody else was felt
that she had to keep it down and so um I
was at I didn't it wasn't very cool to
be smart and I was pretty smart I that I
didn't care about things that other
people cared about so I felt like I
should so what I would whisper to her
was just it's just to to back yourself
to know that you are a hundred percent
right and feeling what you feel because
that is what you feel which makes it
right
and to to worry less to just be so
excited about the journey ahead and to
find a way no matter what it was to find
in a love it took me until last year to
really love myself and I wish my 10 year
old self could could find that because
she was really great she just wasn't the
same as everybody else
and that made it hard so yeah love
yourself back yourself and be very
excited for the future love yourself
back yourself and be very excited for
the future I think that's brilliant and
I think even as kids probably maybe
before the age of 10 we are kind of
built that way in terms of we're just
very confident and we kind of I suppose
the love ourselves and get excited by
everything and then some way along life
when whether it's teachers or the
community around us we could be kind of
tend to lose that element whether it's
you fail at something or you don't
necessarily do something that's the
normal you don't fit into a certain hole
a suppose so it's interesting I mean
he's just an a quick example but I am I
hit puberty like earlier than a lot of
friends so I sort of got that kind of
curvier body and weighed more than my
friends and I didn't know I didn't think
oh I'm fan at until I rap and he weighed
myself and I think I weighed like seven
stones and I think everyone weighed like
my friends weighed five and that's when
I thought oh I shouldn't weigh more that
must be bad aka I must be fat so it
wasn't I'd actually looked in the mirror
and gone oh I'm fatter than my friends
I'd let you put a metric and then I
decided to judge myself for the rest for
the next 15 years based on that random
metric from a pair of random scales I'd
stood on in my mum's bathroom when I was
like having a bath or something yeah and
that's like a story which stayed with me
and I know it was when I was 10 so I can
remember the moment this eat with me
until I mean I guess now I mean you know
everyone's constantly struggling with
body you know body image and in the
distant age we live it in so and that's
just some stupid story which I picked up
when I was young there oh I'm heavier oh
dear I should weigh less oh no this
means I'm not as good I mean what's that
what is that rubbish story absolutely
and that rubbish story I'm sure every
has their own version of that room story
as well it's weird isn't it because I
suppose we can look back at it now with
our heightened level of thinking I
suppose and self-awareness but as a
child you were almost taken on this
story and making it almost a truth that
you're gonna live with now for the next
15 20 years not realizing the impact
that can potentially have so it's
shocking it's shocking the stuff that
you can pick up when you're you're young
I mean when I have children I'm gonna
read like every parenting book and going
everywhere I'm gonna travel the world
studying parenting my parents weren't
amazing but I mean in terms of things I
picked up in school and stuff so that I
can I don't know just so I can
understand it more because I know I do
really
how much would shaped when we're young I
mean my fantastic I'm not at all saying
it was them but yeah I mean there's
random things that you have no idea that
can have an impact for the you know the
rest of your life no I I hundred percent
agree again my parents absolutely
fantastic I wouldn't change him for the
world but I think this is maybe why we
both like garyvee because some of his
stuff that he talks about in terms of
when anybody talks about parenting and
stuff and just the cold hard truth in
terms of you as a person just finding
your way and not worrying about the
opinion even of your parents for example
and he has quite a few lessons in the
way he talks and I'm always nod to my
wife I'm like this is fantastic
I need to listen to Gary Vee like when
the time comes for us to have a family
for example and similar to yourself
again and another common trait is I
always think I just want to immerse
myself into becoming this ultimate pair
of where it's never gonna happen I mean
we all make mistakes but I just want to
be mindful of those simple words in the
simple sentences about my behavior can
literally change my my child's life
because I believe there's a level of my
anxiety came when I was a child and not
to make this episode about me but I know
kind of when it came and I really went
into myself and I don't ever want my
children to ever yeah I mean I think my
parents were pretty super parents in
terms of like they they had they've got
most of it down I think for me what it
was was was it would be knowing I think
it's about when something happens it's
because a lot of the stuff happens at
school doesn't it when we're young
that's where we we pick up a lot of our
stuff I think in terms of our baggage
that we take through our lives so I
guess for me it's understanding more
about kids other kids rather than
knowing how to pair it and understanding
if my kid comes in this mood well what
might have happened on that day and I
don't know I don't really know it I
don't know if there's really anything a
parent can do to protect a kid from
things they hear in school but things
like body issues and I've always been a
kind of natural leader which is the way
that I would explain myself now as a
natural leader but obviously like like a
lot of strong girls you know you're told
you're bossy and too intense and stuff
for a large proportion of your life now
I see it as you know I'm just a natural
leader which is super cool because I've
changed the story in my head but for a
long time I felt bad for being for
always for being like look I know
instead of you know letting everyone run
around in chaos for putting a bit of
order in there but now you know now I
see that as a positive but back then I
thought oh god I'm such a bossy whatever
again Britta Hansen I think people are
listening to this I just want to take
one of your sentences is you change the
story in your head and however we tell
ourselves this story
we can literally switch it and this is
what I want this podcast to be about in
terms of just switching the
circumstances or the situations that
you've been through in life to favor you
because at the end of the day the
situation is the situation however how
we react to it that's gonna determine
how we live our life and I just think
you're a shining example of using your
adversity and pain practice though I
would say that because I know that
people people say that you know oh you
know it is up to you how you react but
that I used to annoy me when people said
that to me because I was like oh shut up
like let me know it's just shut up it
takes a lot of practice and you just
have to basically for me what it was was
I heard that enough times that I
eventually started believing it so if
you don't feel it now that you don't
feel that you can choose to react to
situations in a positive way or however
you want to react to them if you don't
believe that's possible now just have
the faith that one day you will believe
it's possible and you will naturally do
it
because when it's right it will happen
do you know what I mean don't put the
pressure on yourself because I think a
lot of people present themselves going
oh I should be seen us in a positive way
oh my god I'm rubbish at this oh my god
I'm terrible at being positive why am I
so bad at everything and you get in a
spiral because it doesn't come naturally
whereas have the faith that when it's
ready when you're ready to react to
situations in a different way that's
when it will that's when you will do you
see what I mean
that's a brilliant way of pointing me
actually because I'm guilty of doing
that myself because we read so many
books and always working on personal
development if I don't do something how
I know I shouldn't potentially do it I
beat myself up about it and I think it's
again going back to that faith element
that one day it will click and I'll get
those moments you know we're imperfect
that's what makes us so amazing is we're
part that we'd be robots so nobody wants
robot humans yet although they think
we're going to be able to marry them in
2030 that might be my option perfect I
think yeah I think it's just it's
knowing that you know you're never going
to react to every situation properly
you're always going to sometimes not be
your best self that's what makes us our
best selves is by accepting those those
times that we're not but when it comes
to personal development and all of these
constant improvements that we know we
can make on ourselves I think making the
problem is is that there's so much
knowledge and content and things online
that we can apply to ourselves it's
actually becomes overwhelming that you
end up not doing anything because you
don't know where to start
so I just think look when somebody gives
me a piece of advice there I mean
something I know I should implement I go
well that looks nice when the time is
right I'll do that
and then naturally because I've got that
faith it does happen but I think what we
don't want to do is cause more overwhelm
we literally the amount of stuff that is
there in the world for us to look at
every day and the amount of choices we
have to make is just too much that I
think just backup from the whole thing
and go it will happen when it happens I
will learn these lessons when I need to
learn them you know take it in it you
know and one day you know it goes into
your memory naturally once it's gone
into your point once you've seen it or
read it and then it wait for it to come
back up and and that's fine but don't
put yourself under pressure to start
doing these things straight away just go
you read somewhere that somebody did it
and it worked for them do you know what
I mean absolutely I think that's a
fantastic message because overwhelmed
definitely as you said it causes a kind
of analysis paralysis and everyone I
mean I am helping people in their 60s in
businesses all the way down
supporting my 30 year old cousin with
his revision because I live with him at
the moment I'm helping with his revision
and honestly the main thing which is
coming out of everybody is overwhelmed
whether they're sixty or thirteen and we
have got to do something about the way
that we are living in this state of
overwhelm because it's not it's not we
can always do more and be more we always
know that we can but actually who we are
right now is probably a Dan site of an
improvement of where we are we were last
year so why don't we why don't we
celebrate that while the rather than
going oh god I need to be doing that and
why am I not doing that and I need to do
this we need to break things down and
have the faith that the right you know
the right thing happens when it happens
and we can only do what we can do in
that present moment and as long as we
are always honoring you know honouring
ourselves and making consciously good
decisions well then what more could we
possibly do do you know what I mean it's
just there's too much there's too much
pressure and and and overwhelm you know
it's like it's gone mad and I got a 13
year old cousin I want to just you know
take it all away from him and go look
it's all fine like with his revision
we've broken it into these really
bite-sized chunks it's completely
changed his whole attitude to revision
because he's like suddenly gone from
overwhelm to clarity and clarity is one
of the most important things we can get
in our lives because clarity enables so
much so yeah all of the answer I'm more
importantly good luck to your 13 year
old cousin as well for his exams yeah it
was like yeah I'm doing some revision
days for some of his friends over the
next few weeks we're going I can't bear
seeing them all stress so I said look
give them to me for a day I'm gonna sort
it out let's say well I'm sure he'll be
fine honey that suddenly actually brings
us to the last question and the last
question that I always like to ask my
guess is basically if in 150 years time
science fails to save a sword and all
that exists
is a book and this book is about your
life and in it it's got all the weird
and wonderful things that you've
accomplished all of the dreams and
aspirations that you've you've done and
achieved what would firstly the title of
the book say and secondly what would the
blurb at the back
tell us about Hannah power oh my
goodness I wish I'd prepared ah the
title of the book would be God that is
hard it would be something like
enjoying enjoy the journey it would be
something about yeah something like that
and the back of the book it would say I
guess embracing adversity is the biggest
gift that you can that you can give
yourself and finding your faith is
crucial to your success and finding
confidence in your inner self and
everything that makes you totally unique
that these are all the things which
enable you to then enjoy your journey
your short period of time on earth and I
would like to be seen as somebody who
helped others to do that the question I
should have really thought about that
beforehand really good I love it I think
that's certainly a book that I'd
definitely pick up and I think you
certainly will help so many people and
just on that could you please tell us
where our listeners and audience can get
through to you on your either Instagram
Facebook or wherever you're available
sure so and yeah the easiest way is
probably to go to my website Hanna power
dot code at UK so you can yeah that's
that's where you can contact me through
there if you want to send me an email
it's Hanna Hanna power code at UK or
Instagram is probably my favorite
platform Hanna I power and if you're
interested in joining I've got a
Facebook group to support people who
want to you know build their brands have
an impact create a life of fulfillment
that's called powerful branding that
Facebook groups you can search for that
so I guess it all depends on what what
people you know what they want if they
just want a bit of inspiration Instagram
if they want some help
Facebook group but it's all kind of
culminates on my website Hannah power UK
that's fantastic thank you all
shop with all of that into the show
notes so people can contact you I want
to take this moment once again to thank
you Hannah for your time and sharing
your story and I want to also thank all
the listeners at home thanks for
listening awesome that was fantastic
thank you so much and remember this
podcast is absolutely free so all we ask
in return is for you to share this with
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See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 20 "It's a curse to call yourself a true Entrepreneur, unless you really are" - Penny Power #20
Tagline: "Love is the most powerful force in the world, the more you can live within that energy, be that energy and give that energy the better your life will be "
Penny Power, OBE is an incredible woman who could complete a podcast series alone. Having labelled herself as an 'Accidental Entrepreneur' Penny formed the first social network for business owners exceeding 650,000 members. However, as many entrepreneurs can relate, she was then forced to handle many ups and downs along her journey and forced to really look deep within herself. Through a journey of self care and discovery Penny began to deal with depression and really find her true purpose and love for herself. A journey she may even consider tougher than the entrepreneurial one.
More importantly than the above, Penny is an extremely proud mother to 3 and wife to her husband all of whom she considers the greatest gift she ever received. Penny now coaches people on a 1-2-1 basis transforming not only their lives but also living her true purpose.
From depression, to business, to self care to coaching we discuss so many facets that many of you today can relate too and hopefully take nuggets of information to move your lives forward and find your voice!
Please check the links below and follow Penny's journey as she is credible, honest and an overall lovely soul.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
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Have an awesome day
JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so I'm extremely
delighted to bring to you today
penny power now for anyone who knows
penny they might also know her as the
accidental entrepreneur and the reason
for that is because penny created this
absolutely monster of a social network
for business people in 1998 which
actually had over 650,000 business
owners in it not knowing what she had at
that time penny was sadly disrupted by
what we know today as linked in so
there's definitely a brilliant story
there and we do discuss that further
into this episode alongside this penny
has also received an OBE in 2014 for the
work that she's done and she's seen by
many as a winner and having spoken to
her in some depth not just during this
episode but prior to it she certainly is
that alongside being a mother to three
children and a wife to her husband penny
now sees herself working with clients on
a one-to-one basis and we're in a
society today where a lot of coaches are
almost spawning overnight I mean we're
seeing people with one or two years of
experience becoming a coach and then
selling their services and being a bit
skeptical apart a lot of these coaches
penny is somebody I'm certainly not
skeptical about because if I was ever to
recommend anyone as a coach it would
certainly be penny because penny has the
experience and you can tell from the way
she speaks in this interview she knows
this stuff so I think without further
ado we're gonna jump straight into this
one it's extremely exciting for me to
bring somebody like penny onto my
podcast
and I'm extremely grateful for that and
I hope you all enjoy this episode thanks
for tuning in
ok so firstly I just want to thank
everyone for tuning in to today's
episode today and I've just had a
fantastic discussion with penny prior to
this actually going live so I've got to
know her a lot there but I think it's
very important that you guys listening
tuning in today get to know the real
penny or Penny powers she is known to
many of us out there today so firstly
how are you doing today
very well I feel very well warmed up
lovely conversation with you it was it
certainly was I could almost have an
episode out of that just in itself but
I'm just for their sake of the listeners
who have just tuned in now and obviously
may or may not have heard of you could
you please just maybe give us an insight
in relation to where you first started a
little bit about your journey and
basically what brings you here today and
so I think you know and I think it's
been a journey of finding my voice which
is just perfect I'm gonna try and keep
it little 16
I went into the IT industry when I was
19 I didn't go to university I went into
sales and tele sales and joined it when
it was really booming and so it was
fairly relatively easy to excel and I
ended up with in about by the age of 24
I was sales marketing director of a 80
million pound company with about 400
staff that I was responsible for and an
80 million pound sales line and we had
offices around the country eight offices
and but my first day there I just went
into there and completely just out of
scarcity and needed to leave home and it
was a job and and I realized I was quite
different to everybody else in the room
you know I wasn't really that focused on
the sale but I was focused on the impact
of the sale that would have on whoever
was buying the product and I actually
resigned after seven months and I was
going to go to the University to do a
psychology degree I had finally got my
place and my boss took me into a room
and said why are you leaving I said I'm
just not cut out for business it's not
my world I want to be have more impact
in business and he said but you have no
idea of the shift that you
created in the culture of our
organization and I was ripped shots as a
19 year old to be told that and he said
just be you stay and be you very
powerful when someone says that to you
so I did and I built quite a nice career
I'd sort of left that company and
actually went off to four other
companies and then was invited back to
be their sales marketing director when
they had grown quite substantially and
then at 28 I was blessed with my baby
Hannah and two more children and that is
absolutely that and my marriage is being
my highest values my highest joy the
thing that I think is the most important
thing in my life I think you know that
fall saying charity begins at home I
think if you put oxygen on your family
then you build a family that doesn't
take from the world it can give to the
world
i I've taken my role as a mum really as
my most important thing in my life and
my merit and my marriage because that
completes the family and but I am quite
driven I love I do love business and
when I was 33 so I had Hannah was five
and then I had Ross who was three and TJ
was just not long born about six months
old I came up with the idea of the fact
that business seemed so lonely people
working on their own my husband being
one of them and sort of subject of night
networking in 1998 wasn't huge but there
was it was sort of going on but there
was no online networking for business
there was Friends Reunited and MySpace
but nothing for business so I created a
community for business online with a
culture of reducing loneliness helping
people with their self-esteem and her
self-worth and helping people to be who
they were rather than just what they did
and it grew and it grew and it was
phenomenal but then we got massively
disrupted we were growing up organically
it was a subscription-based business ten
pounds a month ten dollars ten euros
depending where you were in the world we
were in 52 countries had 5000 offline
events here and then LinkedIn took hold
so retweet hoffman had actually visited
and used our site a little bit he then
raised three hundred and thirty million
dollars when in the
okay we just couldn't raise any money
we'd raised very small amount of seed
investment but interestingly he just
went a different route and culture he
went to the business world with his
fantastic tool but it's said it's only
about what you are and actually then we
saw that was in 2002 so that was four
years after we had grown then in 2004
Facebook came into the student market
2006 Peter came in and the mark I think
we all polarized you know this is Who I
am on Facebook this is what I am on
LinkedIn an academy sat somewhere in
between we needed to pivot the business
model by now we had lost our house in
order to keep the business going it was
very challenging the trout children
traveled around the world meeting our
members had little lapel badges with
their names on them shaking hands at
teach ethics or he first started
networking and anyway in 2008 we went to
the bank and said look can we have a
loan to pivot this business and they
gave us a 5 year loan enabled us to
start looking at how we can offer free
and start basically doing what we didn't
want to do but in order to survive which
was going to be sell your data so you
you know what we now upset about in the
other markets so obviously that meant a
lot of our members that were happy to
pay we're unhappy but did get some new
members joining who were happy that it
was free but it really challenged our
values and then three years into that
with two years left around the bank loan
the banking crisis happened
we got a 30 day notice to pay back the
rest of the two years and they brought
the business down the bank after 14
years so an incredibly painful defining
moments in 2012 and it has been an
unbelievable climb to get back any sense
of self-worth self belief a big journey
I which we can we can look into it was
wonderful in 2014 out of the blue came a
beautiful letter and offering me an OBE
for the contributors
lovely feeling of validation and
but actually what I really learned is
you can get huge amounts of external
invalidation in life but unless you can
validate yourself and believe in
yourself and feel your own sense of
self-worth these things are just a bit
of gloss on your life and that's been a
journey which culminated in me writing
my book last year
fantastic and your book is called it's
called business is personal well firstly
what a journey I probably got more notes
here that again I could do probably a
podcast on separately so I just want to
touch on a few things throughout your
journey so you ended with the validation
statement which I don't want to go into
cuz I think that's so important
especially in today's society yeah you
were 19 years old you had almost kind of
disrupted and made a positive scene in
this industry where there was a fitting
comment and you said just stay and be
you yeah I loved that because I filmed
myself and in an industry where a lot of
my business comes through social media
there are people not just being
themselves I feel that a lot of people
have a magic or they're saying the
things that they necessarily feel they
need to say yeah what people want to
hear and I think sometimes we all have
such a unique gift or skillset that we
may not ever get to see if we're too
busy trying not to be ourselves if that
makes sense
I think I think that was beautiful and
you touched the game moving after that
about your family and I just resonated
so much with your values in terms of
breathing oxygen into your family and
how important your marriage is so we
touched obviously prior to this show a
little bit about one of your children I
lost a TJ and just the incredible person
that she is so again that's a testament
to your values and that kind of brings
me to where I am so I touched on the
LinkedIn obviously disrupting and it's
and sadly for yourselves you had to
almost kind of pivot but you mentioned
something which I just found fascinating
which was the values bit that really
kind of struck you so it's nice to hear
and it's quite refreshing from yourself
that yes you could have pivoted the
business and almost kind of taken on a
LinkedIn approach but that's not who
penny is so using that and realizing
that in that moment getting the external
validation of OB what did you then do in
terms of your business I mean is that
still going now that sort of business or
have you completely shifted it now
towards really helping people trying to
find out about themselves as in terms of
full of himself with yeah I mean I
definitely has been a thank you for that
that lovely reflection of what I said I
think it's been a journey you know
something I say when I am coaching and
mentoring and I run a mastermind group
now I take two cohorts yeah so I I
support people through a mastermind
group which is beautiful experience we
do need in our values we do need to have
a brand we need to know what we're here
for you know that lovely saying to best
days of your life the day you're born
the day you discover able all of these
things are very very powerful
start with why simon Sinek what it's
created it's created a massive panic of
people that don't feel they have it yet
and you can't force it so you know was
coaching a lady yesterday it was
incredibly inspired by brainy Brown and
her vulnerability statement and simon
Sinek and all these role models and
she's desperate to find her big message
and I just said just it will come but it
absolutely starts with the seed of who
you are and you can't force it because
you want to market yourself better or
write a better book or you've just got a
lot now having a coach or a mentor or a
loved one help you coach that out of you
is very powerful and I was with a
brilliant guy called Sun hartley
yesterday and he's a performance coach
and he said these three things you know
yourself be yourself accept yourself
I loved that thought I love that know
yourself be yourself accept yourself and
I don't think that we can you know I
went through a process last year with
psychologists and group therapy because
I broke and I didn't break to the point
where I was you know I was shaking in
the corner but I had a really day of
devastating experience that dangerous
and scary experience on the 30th of
November 2017 that I went off to a
hospital thinking I had had a stroke or
something and they found no new logical
things and and anyway through going to
see psychologists discovered that and I
was now having some form of mental
health challenges and I actually spent a
lot of time reflecting and thinking and
I think I started to break probably for
you
before I had that incidence it's not
something I was fat you know you could
start off you could start off being
completely disabled with a bad leg
through or hip through eighth rightous
it would start years before you know you
get the so I think mental health issues
you have to start becoming very
self-aware of how you're showing up in
the world before you really know you've
got them and and you know I believe in
mental fitness but there's another
subject you know starting before it
starts like you do when you look after
your physical health so the values
finding your voice knowing your values
are very critical you can't force these
things though and you know when I talk
to CEOs of businesses or leaders of
businesses they've got pulled into a
vortex of ambition like this whirlwind
of ambition that actually is fantastic
if economies create that culture because
they create to the fear and they create
the culture of you're lacking and
therefore scarcity and and fear and you
lack and the market is a brilliance has
it online saying you could be more
successful you could be richer you could
be more beautiful which immediately when
you actually read that your subconscious
hears I am lacking really wave love so
brilliant it's so clever but revolting
so we have to step away from things like
social media and comparison and
Roosevelt said comparison is the thief
of joy it's my favorite quote yeah it's
brilliant isn't it love it yeah
absolutely and and it's it takes a huge
amount of reprogramming your mind to
stop doing that
but at least once you're aware you're
doing it you feel yourself doing it you
call yourself back into line because
when you look at the ingredients of who
you are you know what makes you up there
is no single human being on this earth
the same as you say mercury your
knowledge your skills your intentions
your passions your experiences your
adversities you've it's just absolutely
nothing that could make someone the same
as you so therefore comparing yourself
is the first downward spiral really and
one that people are so locked into and
so you know anyone listening I'll just
say calm down listening to yourself just
have more self-awareness think of your
joys think of what really sets you on
fire all that's that which other people
will say but really do it not to make
money from it to begin with I saw
powerful again I mean I can resonate
with this and I'm not sure if you've
followed it in my story or any of my
progression but I try and say a lot of
this myself because again probably
similar to yourself I found myself in
the state of comparison initially
especially when I started the property
journey and I have this habit now and
I've kind of I don't do this in a way to
offend people or be rude but I've
stopped almost going on social media and
liking people's posts and stuff because
what I effectively do now is I have a
message every morning or every evening
that I want to share with the world and
what I'll do is I'll write it out and
I'll send it out and all of a sudden I'm
off social media I'm not there to see
how many likes I get or how many shares
I get because if I fix ain't myself on
that metric in itself what's gonna
happen is if it's law one day the next
day I might be scared to share my truth
again and I think I think one of the
important things you touched on again is
people are almost in this panic of we
don't have it but they probably do and
it's a patience game I suppose and where
I always say to people he's just speak
your truth speak whatever that comes to
you it's your own perspective it'll
resonate with certain people and we're
almost in a society where people are
trying to almost say key and buzzwords
because they feel like that's what they
need to almost same and I think you hit
the nail on the head and I think with
your experiences Ryan you just briefly
mentioned the coaching aspect I think
people listening to this show can gain
so much value from that so I just wanted
to touch on your mastermind that you
mentioned is that what's something that
people would necessarily need to do in
person or is it something that you can
do online from the comfort of your own
home a really great question so I've
been on my own journey and I'm gonna
come back to that if that's not too
annoying so really so when I my - I call
myself an accidental entrepreneur for
years because I was when I came up with
he had a me I didn't know his tiger by
the tail but I had and then I started my
second business after he had me call
digital use academy which it was highly
impactful it was working
young people I created the digital
marketing apprenticeship that is now
widely used and I got investors to put
money in we invested three hundred and
fifty thousand pounds in an e-learning
cent system and we distributed that
through further education colleges as an
apprenticeship and over three years I
out two thousand unemployed very hard to
reach young people into jobs giving them
the confidence that their digital skills
had value in the world and and hoping
that they would go into it with us the
sort of culture that I believe in around
social media so that was my second what
I call on two-player journey then I
started my third which is called the
business cafe and it was that part of
the journey that broke me because it was
another push and what I feel is um the
term entrepreneur is really dangerous to
me entrepreneurs are creating something
from nothing and have massive ambition
and Luke Johnson in his book stops
startup I think it's called said
ambition is a curse and not everybody
has it right to be a true entrepreneur
you have to be massively ambitious and
you have to know how much you're willing
to sacrifice in terms of time money and
gratification because being true you're
building something as scales and has
impact and this is the Silicon Valley
world you know go out raise 300 million
dollars and there and reduce all your 1%
and you know it's long busks and Mark
Zuckerberg the thing that a lot of
people your generation and two cents
that my generation came you know we we
witnessed from about 20 to 23 years ago
when ecommerce everything started so I
would say that you know it's a curse to
call yourself an entrepreneur unless you
truly are so my own personal journey is
and where I am finding so much joy now
going back to your original question
yeah is that I was employed had my
children then became an entrepreneur
accident accidentally then they became
an entrepreneur a game with digital
youth academy then tried to be an
entrepreneur game with the business cafe
and I still want to bring the business
cafe to market but when I broke my basic
my cup was full I was overflowing for
even a got out of bed
my resilience had gone and I was
exhausted and burnt and the way I've
come back is by saying actually I'm
going to be a small business much nicer
of course yeah
a small business is what is my value to
one person and how can I exchange that
value for money and impact their lives
directly so at the moment starting from
January when I launched my mastermind
and my mentoring coaching program this
year I only need to work with about 34
amazing people and I will fulfill not
only my emotional needs but my financial
needs and when I go into a room with
somebody I'm coaching I know that I get
that gratification I'm not only seeing
the impact I'm making on that one person
but also they're paying me yeah money is
actually ultimately one of the ways we
get our worth it is it's I know we don't
chase money but if we're broken and I've
been broken and if we can't financially
afford to feed our children trying to be
an entrepreneur is a very very dangerous
journey so going back to your question
am i delivering it online yes I've been
asked that a lot
yeah if as soon as I do that I'm
stepping away from my direct impacts in
terms of I'm putting a computer between
me and and being able to love and hold
and touch and care and look in the eyes
of the people I'm wanting to impact and
so this year that's what I'm doing thank
you for that answer so I want to play
devil's advocate just a little bit on
the the last night you said there so I
fully understand the whole direct beep
there directly impact them hold them
love them and touch these people that
you weren't have been on a one-to-one
basis and I suppose when I first started
personal training I literally started
personal training because one I had lost
a lot of weight and done a qualification
with a bit of spare change I had but I
thought it would pay for my way through
uni and then obviously doing that I
really enjoyed it I loved transforming
lives and seeing people lose weight gain
confidence which again I felt fantastic
as being mothered journey and I got to a
point myself as I and I remember
I should take this online and almost do
like an online coaching for personal
training where I will check in with
clients online again losing that that
one-to-one communication thing but at
the same time getting back some of my
time so my yeah and perhaps potentially
making more money and I initially kind
of was with yourself I was like I don't
want to do that it's got it's kind of
almost dilute my power and my gift that
I have when I work with people but then
at the same time I had somebody question
me and again this is a question I wanna
ask you is do you not then feel because
in this very brief moment with yourself
the reason I ask this is because I don't
want it to be that penny is based in
this part of the world or this part of
UK and we don't have access to penny
right now because I feel that if you are
able to connect with more people yes the
message might be slightly diluted but I
think your message is so powerful that
you could affect so many more people so
is it something that maybe your identity
later or I used sorry I'm gonna give you
a really long answer to this Aren okay
so at the moment I don't believe in
myself enough okay it's getting there
and this is the story I'm gonna tell you
and it's absolutely true and it's the
most up to date story I can tell you
about my life okay yeah please do I have
always wondered why people would spend
money on an aspen all our mulberry or
Gucci handbag right so you're gonna
think where the hell she kept okay I
never needed it
I never wanted even when Thomas and I
had money you know and life was a bit
easier didn't turn me on Thomas came
back from Dubai once on a speech has
brought me back in a beautiful good she
box a handbag and it sat in the box for
three years I never used it didn't write
and but my daughter Hannah who we talked
about a little bit and and hopefully you
might interview so absolutely would be
an honor so when she was 20 and I we
didn't spoil our children they had to
work from the age of from a young age
and at 16 they got jobs in supermarkets
or Starbucks or whatever and age 20 she
got an internship at Barclays and I met
her after work one day and we went off
to Marbury
just off Oxford Street and she spent 900
pounds in a bag I didn't judge her I
didn't judge at all is her money she'd
worked hard for it and that was some
symbolism she wanted that bag and she
had this private relationship Reeves my
big my older sister who's 10 years old
and me because my elder sister he's 10
years old of me loves designer handbags
and I used to watch quite jealously this
but I think I want to join that Club I'm
not in certainly sign a handbag but I
was quite jealous of these this banter
that I would hear and then looking at
each other's bags because ever since
then Hannah's brought more bags anyway
when I started this mastermind group we
were meeting at some Pancras station
it's beautiful meeting place and a
restaurant there and that's where my
master minds are going to be in a
private room there and I had 12 separate
meetings because I have a four-hour one
to one with all the masterminds before
they join and I would walk past an
Aspinall shop right eight and I walk
past it looked in sort of smug that all
Hannah would love that and walked up
these steps into this restaurant anyway
one day I about the bath Inc was about
the ninth meeting I went into the
Aspinall shop took a photo of this
lovely handbag and said to Hannah
you'd love this handbag Hannah and she
said yeah is lovely the next time I went
back my 10th time I went in and I got it
off the shelf and I put it on my
shoulder oh yes quite not put it back
11th time went back went in looked at it
and asked him how much it was and talked
to him about it last week was my 12th
time and I said to Hannah the night
before I was going back to London for my
12th meeting Hannah I fallen in love
with an astronaut bag yeah and she went
by it by it mom buy it buy it buy it
really and she said I am mom you really
deserve it buy it so I said don't be no
somebody who works for Aspen or
something I could get a 30% discount
oh yeah I can look into overnight if you
want mum so we'll do that that'd be
lovely done it anyway next morning I
woke up to get the train to London my
job meeting and I sent her a text and
said Hannah I'm gonna buy it I don't
want it discounted I went in and I
bought it and we came home and we
champagne while I opened it at home and
Thomas said to me just said out of the
blue how come you've decided to buy
yourself back and I said Thomas I'm
worth it and it was so poignant that
everybody cried because Hannah has said
to me mum why don't you believe in
yourself you've gotten an OBE look what
you've done look at the lives you've
changed look everything you've done and
I said I just didn't believe it inside
me until I've got I do now so this is
the most up to date story I can tell you
our an a my journey and it's been really
interesting I share it because I'm
really open with everyone if somebody
wants to judge me for the the pain I've
been through and the losses I've been
through and judge me is a bad business
person because I'm not achievable you
know I could have achieved I don't I
really don't care about that I'm just me
and um and I will share that that story
with the world because it's we've got to
find our own self worth deep deep deep
down now so in answer to your story
which was bad to me to go online and
expect somebody to want to pay for an
electronic version of me I haven't got
to that point yet believing in myself
enough
that's incredible thank you for sharing
that I'm grateful for you sharing that
because as you were saying that there
were so many parts of it maybe some of
the listeners could probably resonate
with it where I'm on this
entrepreneurial journey where I'm kind
of bootstrapping
as and when I can and stuff like the bag
if we use trainers for example where my
younger brother who's nine years younger
than me we're going spend to endure
parents on a pair of trainers where I'm
like I can't do that I can't possibly
think I'm doing that I mean you grew up
in slightly different generations where
finances were different and growing up
but I don't know something tempting just
click there and I thought maybe there is
a is an element within myself where my
self-worth needs to kind of at least be
reflected on and maybe people listening
to this can reflect on that because it
was a beautiful moment I could almost
picture you coming home
popping up and that bottle of champagne
and then having this moment where you're
like do you know what I am worth it so
it's a beautiful story that you've just
shared there and in relation to the
diluting the message
thing which is the question that I asked
you and you feel that you're not
necessarily worth it now can I just ask
is that kind of like an impostor
syndrome that's going through your head
or do you I think it's partly that I've
watched so many I don't want swear you
can sway tosses is the places I say sell
a dream online and manipulate and and
corrupt I don't want to be part of that
world and I've seen people close to me
you know hire an expensive house rent a
fat Ferrari and stand outside and say
you can be as rich as me if you do my
program and and they are multi
millionaires but I have seen so many
lost souls back up their lives leaving
that story and so I've got to I've got
to get to a point where for me to join
that world I've really got to feel safe
that I am never going to do that to
anyone penny I loved that about you
that's like for me it's kind of like
about the Family Fortunes TV episode
going through my head reach that top
answer and it's like kind of bleeding
because for me it's one of the things
that I hold very close to my heart so I
I got taught off by my wife actually
last night so this is a very current
story and I was writing a post and I
kind of just write post from my heart or
whatever I think I don't spellcheck it I
don't think about it I just literally
write it there and then and as I was
writing it I sinner peeping over it she
was kind of looking at it like why you
kind of she's seen it as me being kind
of argumentative or not I'm just trying
to think of the wrong bird a bit against
the grain kind of thing because my
message yesterday was very similar to
yourself so I'm in the property space
and in the property space there are all
these millionaires selling this poor
thing
dream and I absolutely hate it because I
was fortunate that I had 12,000 pounds
left in my account which I spent on the
education I still believe I would have
been where I am now without that
education because in hindsight it wasn't
as good as I've published sin so since
then I have probably
move people away from the education and
I've offered my free service I've given
my course material that I've paid
thousands for because I'm like listen
you can learn all this yourself you
don't need this shiny book or this
course that's gonna change your life
because I've done it I joined this
course thinking twelve months time I'm
gonna be a multi-millionaire blah blah
blah all of that so you've obviously
seen these kind of and I put crooks I
don't call them houses but appearances
is probably a better word and it really
really it gets it gets to me because at
the same time I also feel I have value
in some of my skills that's where I can
go out and coach an extensive amount of
people but then I almost getting this
impostor syndrome myself thinking I
don't want to ever be seen like these
people out there exactly doing it the
wrong way so I fully get there and
obviously we're at different stages in
life you're a lot more advanced and
experienced than myself and I get that
and at the same time I'm like I'm seeing
people with less experience than myself
who have fabricated their results taking
good selfies on one Facebook and then
all of a sudden the selling weekend
courses for two thousand pounds and I
read a book recently on it and it was
about neuro linguistic programming NRP
called the dark psychology and there was
a brilliant quote in that and what it
said was you can either manipulate
people or persuade people basically and
the people there's a lot of people who
say I want to help you I want to do this
for you and you need to be able to
assess are they trying to manipulate you
I looking at their own self gain
irrespective of whether it's going to
actually get you what they're promised
in you or are they're just trying to
persuade you to abandon life and I'm I'm
grateful that I've managed to have this
interview with you and lets you connect
with you because you're one of the good
people and it's nice to see somebody
doing it the right way and I do feel
that sometimes we may not get there as
quick as other people and we may have to
probably face more obstacles but I just
believe it's just so much easier to go
to sleep at night doing things the right
way well it does it goes back to what
you said at the beginning about your
core values and and and whether you can
sleep itself you know these CEOs that
Sam you this someone was telling me they
coach it said the CEOs are in fear of
losing their jobs or their business
because all around them they have no
la they've just lost everything we've
lost their wives they live no
relationship with their children in
their strife for success of whatever
they decided success would be when they
were young they have and now they sit in
fear in these big jobs because if they
lost their job or they lost their
business they have nothing else left and
I think we have to think about what is
it we want to surround ourselves with
Tomas and I have lost everything and we
still had our marriage and our children
and it's it's all that matters that's to
me that's the possible and I think
people need to go deep into their values
but they chase this ambition or this
dream or this comparison or whatever it
is that's confusing them yeah absolutely
I think that's a fantastic message thank
you for sharing that penny I really
appreciate it
so now that you're you're definitely an
entrepreneur I think I don't think
anyone's gonna disagree that you're an
entrepreneur whether it is by accident
or whatever I mean I feel I'm a big
believer that everything happens for a
reason and if we choose to we can find
our own way and I'm grateful that you
found your own way but what I want to
ask is so for somebody who's been
through been through it all should I say
in terms of the journeys of ups and
downs what's your daily routine like
because I'm a firm believer that
motivation doesn't last forever and I am
strongly I'm strongly for sorry and that
we should discipline ourselves in
certain aspects hence your nutrition or
the thoughts you tell yourself
affirmations being grateful all that
sort of stuff in order to get through
the darker days and not everyone speaks
about the darker days but what's your
daily routine like Monday to Sunday um
so I am always been an early Waker even
as you know child when I was teenager
did my revision early I always wake so
does my husband around 5:00 o'clock and
we love that and we go down and get two
cups of tea each one of us goes and gets
four cups of tea
and we do have that television in the
bedroom which we absolutely love so this
morning we watched we loved all the
dramas we watched the final of mother
father son for example and we lie in bed
together and we hole
has and we have a cup of tea and we
watch that and then we do that from our
now this is I'm not rushing to London
for trade and then I share and then I
for the last six years I have made a
very lovely drinks which contains
spinach kale berries chia seeds flax
seeds hue carrot and and then I start
work because I love work so either start
work in the office or I will go to
London I do try to go to London after
10:00 because hey the trains are so much
cheaper oh I go on the train I mean it's
you know how much that makes a
difference to your monthly outgoings if
you if you do have a discipline of doing
that and I just feel better if I do that
then I get a good start in the morning
and then my ideal day is to coach one
client today about three times a week so
in the afternoons
I'll meet at this lovely place and coach
them if it's better in the mornings I
will do the morning because it's really
down to where they when they get their
best energy of course Alice and three
times a week I'm really grimacing here I
try to go to the gym okay Red Mill and
do some weights but I'm not achieving
that very well moment and I do have a
yoga routine that I try to do every
morning before I get dressed that's it
fantastic do you do any sort of them I
mean I know you've touched on yoga there
do you do any meditation or any
gratitude journaling or writing your
goals down is that so I do I am I have a
attitude of blessings and gratitude all
through the day and I do start my day
with that I definitely don't even have
to consciously do it I just comes into
my mind that I have not that I feel it
now it's I think it's incredibly
powerful that mindfulness meditation
that would completely elude me I just
don't have you do that but mindfulness
I'm trying to learn that my son who's
studying psychology at University who
and there's quite a high performing but
very him puts a lot of pressure on
himself a lot of pressure on himself
he's learnt mindfulness and he's
actually done a certificate in it now
and he has it's it's incredible how its
transformed him he said he can't live
without it and so it is that's an
discipline I'm trying to bring into my
life like I've got it
fantastic and just actually if we may
just going back to something we touched
on earlier we touched on mental fitness
and I know we spoke about this before I
click the record button yeah do you want
to just briefly elaborate on that as
well because I think that's going to be
very important for the lissa so I when I
had this sort of breaking moment I
ultimately took a while but in the end
the psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD
which I always thought needed to be a
huge trauma you know something it
directly happened to you but PTSD is
basically anything that everyday comes
back into your mind and it is and it
fills your cup before you because at
work Venus that started today and I had
12 things that from the age of 3 through
to about 3 years ago that were still on
pains that I hadn't accepted and
reconciled and I wasn't a victim of them
but they were still front of mind and I
had to go through a process called EMDR
to work through them which was a hard
exhausting painful process of acceptance
and letting it go and then when you do
it goes into your you might back in your
mind the other thing that I got
diagnosed with is a form of depression
called cursive strong which is a bad
book by dr. tim cavanaugh on
he owned a Mazon he worked for the
Priory and he found that people that
were coming to him who were very dynamic
very hardworking high levels of
discipline were he'd ended up diagnosing
hit them with this and what I got
diagnosed with and it's basically a form
of depression that means you will not
self care and look after yourself right
if you just get up every day and you
just keep pushing until until you just
you just just exhausted and so when I
was going through my psyche my group
therapy and times with my psychologist
which talked about in my book
there was healing triggers and emotional
mental repair that I talked about in my
book that I feel is relevant to every
entrepreneur every human yeah I believe
around your belief systems your values
to thoughts your feelings your
personality type etc and what I then
thought was actually if I had no in this
twenty years ago before I became an
entrepreneur or even younger I would
have focused on my mental fitness not
moment I'd not got to a point where I
had mental health issues so now I'm an
advocate of mental fitness because I
think that there are things that we
could learn about ourselves so to me
resilience isn't about how hard the
punches are that you are willing to take
and bounce back from resilience is like
a boxer you learn what to dodge you've
done the things that your personality
and your who you are and what matters to
you that you do not want to be
confronted by and you dodge and that
would enter Fitness to me fantastic
actually the first time I've heard it
explained like that I think I think the
message is clear though and I'm quite
fascinated now you've got me intrigued
into your own personal book so I know I
don't read books in terms of the
hardcovers but I am an advocate of
audible and listening to books is your
book available as an audible version or
is it strictly a hardcopy
no it is I went into studio recorded it
so it's on audio it's on Kindle and it's
on poppy yeah okay fantastic so there's
no excuse for me not to buy that then
I'll definitely be checking that out
thank you for that thank you okay so the
next thing I always ask my guests and
again this is something that will
hopefully give the listeners maybe
lessons that they can take on or some
sort of advice is about adversity now
you've obviously been through a lot of
adversity some of it we probably haven't
even touched in this very short episode
so I know you mentioned briefly and you
lost your house you mentioned I think it
was November you were having these
mental health challenges if you could
either choose one of those or something
else in your life where you've been
through adversity and just tell us how
you've basically overcame that and the
lessons that you've got from it just to
kind of give the listeners maybe some
tools that they could perhaps use yeah
y'know happily so there have been I
mentioned that there were I think I
mentioned there were twelve things on my
list when I went to the psychologist
that bothered me that was still throw
front of mind went back to his childhood
not that I was abused or anything but
there was something you know things that
bothered me and all the way up to adults
so I think one of the greatest learnings
was that the second business that I
started digital youth academy I got some
investors involved I didn't do any true
diligence on them but because I had
known of them and they certainly seemed
to have my best interests in the passion
of the business in their hearts when
they invested but I think I was at a
point of scarcity when I went into that
relationship which is always dangerous
whether you're taking on a client or a
supplier or a marriage whatever you owe
into it in a scarcity fear mindset then
it's going to be very difficult and so
ultimately I had to work my way out of
that relationship even though I loved
that business very much we had to exit
and sell that business and the issue was
that because I was in scarcity and
clearly was lacking in personal
self-worth I enabled them to have
control over me and one of the things
that strapline of my book is how to lead
the life and business that you want and
I was told by actually somebody who
worked for me in that business Russell
who now runs the Starbucks
apprenticeship program across Europe he
was a brilliant guy he was ops director
working with me and he said to me pet
one day penny I can tell and when I
first met you two who you are now things
you're not as happy as you used to be
I said well that's a real shame and he
said I watched a documentary last night
and they said there were three parts of
happiness and they've done a big study
globally and three parts were 50% of
happiness is your Constitution are you a
happy person he said penny you always
happy and you are a happy person
10% is the achievement of the things you
want and you know in this study we know
that we all always want something else
soon as we got something we always want
something else that's why us so much and
innovate and keep going you know we're
not happy
why we're not animals and that's why we
are so progressive 40% of happiness is
how much control you have a have over
your own life and decisions you make and
he said clearly you're being controlled
and I was now I had to then unwind that
and I talked about this in my book how
sometimes you have to positively
surrender to a situation and I realized
that I wasn't going to change a pattern
that we had created between us as a
relationship where they were assertive
and I was passive where they were the
adult and effectively they were treating
me as a child and it was my own doing
because I went into this relationship
already in a bad place yeah and so part
of the learning I had to go through is
I've got to a point in my life where
anybody who was assertive with me I had
was labeling them in my head as a bully
so I was catastrophizing anybody who
seemed to want to have control over me
anybody that had an opinion that was
strong I saw as bullying and I had to
learn as a naturally not assertive
person anyway I had to learn to be more
assertive and realized that being
assertive is actually a very adult
communication style it doesn't have to
be angry that's one one lesson I can
pass on absolutely I think that's a
lesson that I've had to learn myself as
well because when I first I property I
was very probably a similar situation to
yourself as our kind of put people on a
pedestal yeah I think thinking that I
wasn't worthy or didn't have in much
knowledge yeah yeah in fact I probably
did in hindsight now the funny thing is
I got ripped off I got builders running
away taking advantage of me I had
potential business partners see me as
naive and trying to make me do more work
than initially agreed to so I had all
these kind of problems and teeth and
issues initially as well and I remember
my mom actually saying and you need to
you need to be stronger you need to stop
being like a walk or a pushover and I
was just like it's just who I am as in
and I was always confident that if I
didn't become this again I assumed it
had to be a nasty dictation person and I
was as long as I just be myself
somewhere along the line I will get the
right
kind of people around me and and maybe I
have developed some level of
assertiveness over the last few years
but I've certainly now got a team around
me who I can trust and they know me from
my skills I know them for their skills
and it certainly helped but I think you
hit the nail on the head there where you
said it's a skill to learn and and in my
head it's always been if I come across
too assertive are people gonna think I'm
a bully or embossing axe or whatever it
is so yeah that's really interesting I
think I think people can definitely
resonate with that good yeah definitely
so penny what's your biggest fear um
I suppose my biggest fear is currently
is long-term sustainable income because
we you know when you lose everything and
I'm it's amazing some people I'm
attracting now as co2 coach them is a
lot of people in their 50s that have
huge skills and but they haven't really
been able to manage their business life
the way they needed to and and create
that sustainable income so I love
working so I'm going to be very happy
working well into my 70s and Beyond if
people still have me but creating some
sense of security into my old age is is
probably what what I suppose drives me
but also drives me negatively because it
is also a fear okay that's interesting
so a bit of a shameless plug here have
you thought about property investing as
I sort of yes I've not anywhere near
that place to be able to even consider
that well if you ever ask them please do
reach out yeah I will I appreciate that
and I will and I think we'll definitely
do that much thank you so much what
we're gonna do now is actually we're
going to completely mix it up now we're
going to go into what I call the fun
part of the show so at this stage of the
show all I'm gonna do is literally ask
you the most random questions that I can
think of from my list in front of me
you've got no idea what I'm gonna ask
you we're gonna do the buzzer for about
60 to 90 seconds so there are no right
or wrong answers so literally just say
the first thought that comes into your
head oh gosh that's very good god yes no
no you'll be absolutely fine okay we're
gonna start in three two one
what did you eat for breakfast my shake
the ability to fly or be invisible lie
what is the best thing about being an
entrepreneur Breeden if you could
eliminate one thing from your daily
routine what would it be
exercise what is the best gift anyone
has ever given to you my children would
you rather have a rewind button or a
pause button on life pause don't say
where your fame o'money
your proudest moment my children
graduating your favorite food choice
okay Netflix our YouTube Netflix your
number-one goal this year to help 34
people achieve their dreams your
favorite TV show ever pride and
prejudice
would you rather know how you would die
or when you were dying how if you could
sit with one person in the world for an
hour who would it be my husband speak
all languages or be able to speak to
animals all speak to animals and finally
if you could abolish one thing in the
world what would it be
religion okay fantastic so that's the
end of the fun part of the show it
wasn't that hard was it
no that's very good okay brilliant so
we're almost at the end of the show now
I just got the last final few questions
I just want to ask you penny and now the
next question is about reflection so
obviously hindsight's a wonderful thing
where we can always think of ways to get
ourselves somewhere quicker easier or
with less heartache but I guess the
journey also teaches us a lot as well so
what I want to know is if knowing
exactly what you know now you could go
back to a younger penny and maybe
whisper something in their ears to
inspire her for the journey that lies
ahead
what would you say it'll all be okay I
think I've probably just give her that
comfort really just that reassurance
it's just the reassurance yeah and that
actually suddenly brings us to the last
question then what for the show and
again this is something asked for all of
my guests and it's about legacy so if in
150 years time science fails to save us
all and all that's left is this book and
this book is about penny and her life
and everything she's accomplished and
all of the great wonderful things
firstly what would the title of the book
tell us and secondly what would the
blurb at the back read to us cost I off
the cuff yeah well the first the title I
thought was love okay and it would just
say that that love is the most powerful
force in the world and the more that you
can live within that energy and be that
energy and give that energy the better
your life will be thank you for sharing
okay brilliant so that brings us to
literally the end of the show and just
before I leave penny what I want to do
is give you a chance to connect with the
audience so if you wouldn't mind could
you please tell everyone listening how
they could reach you and maybe if you
have time and the capacity for them to
maybe engage with you that's very kind
thank you so I'm on Twitter so at penny
power I'm on LinkedIn so I'll be easily
found as penny power I'm on Facebook but
unfortunately I think I've just about
reached that five thousand limits and
I'm absolutely rubbish and got to put my
page right but I don't have a page I've
got a lovely community on Facebook
called the business cafe global and
that's a very caring very honest and
real community of small businesses I'm
on Instagram as penny F power and then I
have a website which is penny power UK
and on there there's different contact
forms that's fantastic and what I will
do is I will put all of those details in
the show notes thank you that's very
kind
no no you're very welcome I'll also put
a link to the book as well because I'm
looking forward to reading that myself
and I just want to say once again penny
thank you so much for your time today
it's actually been a fascinating talk
even the stuff we spoke about before the
episode and I just wanna thank you for
your time I want to thank everyone at
home as well
thanks for listening wonderful and
remember this podcast is absolutely free
so all we ask in return is for you to
share this with a friend and drop us a
five star review over on iTunes have an
awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 19- "How to control your thoughts and manage depression" - Alex Roberts #19
Tagline: "Do what you want to do, not what people want you to do "
Alex Roberts, was a recommended to me by a friend and little did I know he was actually a neighbour...well almost! Despite sharing the same postcode, love for personal training, fitness, heath and mindset we also shared a lot of personal stories in this episode.
More so from Alex who bravely who showcases his vulnerability by openly talking about depression, anxiety and his struggles with grief and the loss of his father. A genuinely humble guy who has achieved success by just being himself and helping people on a daily basis. His approach to self talk has inspired and motivated me, and he hits on so many key aspects during this interview that we can all implement and take on board to enhance our levels of happiness and mindset
A shining example that what you see, isn't what you always get and the importance of never judging a book by its cover.
I thank Alex for his openness, his bravery and for being an all round great guy. I urge you all to support and follow his journey as he is a great person to know and connect with.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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Links to guest:
Website: https://www.alexrobertsfitness.co.uk
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AlexRobertsPersonalTraining
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aliro898/
Have an awesome day
JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so I'm extremely
excited to be bringing you Alex Roberts
to the show today and Alex is somebody
who was actually recommended to me via a
friend now alex is a personal trainer
similar to myself we have similar
interests but what really struck a chord
with me when I spoke to Alex prior to
him coming on this episode was he's
battled with anxiety over well and
depression now I can't diagnose myself
in depression because I've never been
clinically diagnosed with it but when it
comes to ins ie a novel one boy can I
relate so it was extremely interesting
to hear his side of this and I suppose
when many of you follow his journey
after this which I'm very soon you're
gonna want to do you're gonna see his
social media profile and think wow is
this the guy on the episode because like
many of us we judge a book by its cover
and Alex when you see his cover on
Instagram you wouldn't necessarily think
this is an individual who perhaps
suffers in the way that he explains on
this interview so I think without
further ado we're gonna get straight
into this and once again I just want to
thank everyone for their amazing support
we've now hit well over 100 reviews
thank you so so much for that
okay so firstly I just want to thank
Alex for coming on the show today how
you doing today I'm fine
you good where is good fantastic yeah
I'm not you're coming you sure it's
alright that's good stuff so I know Alex
briefly we've spoken obviously on social
media that's where we connected we're
actually neighbors we don't live too far
from each other actually five minutes
literally yes so I think it's important
for the listeners who are listening to
this
today to get to understand a little bit
about yourself so a little bit about
your story and basically what's brought
you here in your life situation today
I've recently been doing my own sort of
videos and songs are in depression
myself I've never really experienced any
mental health problems at all until I
lost my dad four years ago now yeah four
years ago I didn't had a single problem
didn't really suffer from anxiety
depression or anything but it seemed to
be that significant sort of traumatic
moment and brought brought a number of
problems okay as such so yeah I'd say
the 1 4 Matic man was obviously losing
my dad which then spiraled on to a
number of other things later down the
line a first sort of new heir sort of
mental health problems was funnily
enough when out in New York the
Christmas okay after I'd lost my dad
I was literally walking down one of the
streets going towards Grand Central
Station and I'm I just felt so like
overwhelmed it was said he was so
strained and that felt anything like had
just overwhelmed and I was just like
Bestway describing he was trapped inside
my own head rocky do you Jonesy no I
mean I sort of trapped in my own head
and I was I was just really overwhelmed
for no particular reason at all and
that's when that's um the main sort of
defining defining time where I sort of
felt and knew but I was suffering from
sort of mental elf right and this was
four years ago yeah how old are you know
if you don't want me that's for 27 so
you're 27 so around the age of 23 was
you so just for the listeners now
obviously I know you're a personal
trainer you've been doing personal
training for how many years five or six
five six years so you actually a
personal trainer at this point as well
yes okay so in terms of we'll jump back
to where you are now so in terms unlike
your general life going up to say 23
before this moment happened what kind of
stuff was you do was it was you always
into the training the model those inter
trained not not so much to mine okay so
the mind absolutely not I don't think
many of us know what
no I'm not yeah not a thing I was very
sporty I play good level of rugby player
after County fantastic I was at
university very very very carefree okay
I'd say I really didn't give it yeah
absolutely
very carefree very still I'm out going
to an extent now but slightly a bit more
reserved let's say we're very bubbly I
was on track with with Union stuff but
yeah in terms of tuning into the mind or
so into is my intuition if you if you'd
like and then when you had that tragic
moment when you lost your dad that's
when I started realizing order in a
second it's one thing training our body
it's another thing yeah yeah later
percent and have you so what have you
done then since then cuz obviously
you're similar to me in that respect so
I we touched on it briefly before this
sometime personal training myself right
yeah and I understand the importance of
you know looking after yourself
physically but more so now I train every
day more for this ya know Mike and
people don't get that people might think
is for aesthetics or for a six-pack or
something it's truly not yeah it's truly
two combines ie not have that V anymore
yeah is that something that you do as
well so I think now yeah training is
very much a part of me improving my
mindset as well now it's probably the
most essential thing for me now
so I know it's a difference when I don't
train serotonin levels drop in except I
know some big difference
lack of energy that's not now was the
that was the main one for me cuz I had a
week off my own training a couple of
weeks back and I was just tired and
waking up tired going to bed tired it
was just yeah boy it's one of them like
but then you start self sabotaging
yourself don't you for not draining them
well in reality your body needs to rest
but yeah I mean it's very important for
the mindset nonetheless and the more
people can recognize that yeah the
better creasy's yourself were you've got
goal you've got a target point you gotta
you've got a goal point focal point
mm-hmm so in terms of briefly you meant
like the mental health thing would you
call it anxiety and overwhelm or would
you actually call it depression have you
been diagnosed or is it something that
your yeah I mean oh yeah well I suffered
well still suffer from anxiety now okay
but I had my main by that bad episode
last January I have nowhere right
absolutely out of nowhere so obviously
when I lost my dad I was quite low and
Bobby that will be the best time very
numb okay maybe didn't understand as
much as I should have done what was
going on maybe so I sort of known to the
feeling's boffing last January that that
was a real scary moment or a scary point
I think my sleep started to go and once
you sleep starts where you don't deal
very well with all our suffering with
insomnia this was about two weeks so I
jumped on some medication friends are in
depression and slowly slowly start to
lift okay and it was quite amazing
really because we've in the space of a
year
I don't it's mad mad to think about a
bought Mustang right I traveled over I
know another free countries child
another three countries changed
workplaces again and I'm not saying this
was from the tablets whatsoever but I
also think another defining thing I
bought some of Tony Robbins he's content
okay a big mindset guy guru and I bought
his content and did that for three or
four weeks and that was a bit of a game
changer as well that's brilliant
so in the space of six months to a year
and switched from literally rock-bottom
I mean when I say rock-bottom I was I
had to move to my mom's for about two
weeks would you say you were ever
suicidal I had thoughts I've never had
never come tried to commit now I did
have thoughts but I would never do okay
I know but never done it but and yeah I
got to that I got to that sort of very
low point
just lying on a sofa watching the TV and
he was he was a terrible terrible part I
think my mom was really shocked as well
that I've gone from that to that point
in course here it was crazy
Wow and I was helpless to it mmm it felt
like I couldn't do anything like now
obviously in hindsight you can recognize
you were in this kind of slum yeah yeah
so in that particular moment would you
oblivious to it like how you acted right
okay not clear okay couldn't do a thing
it's crazy it was literally at zero Wow
and it was a kind of Tommy Tory Robin
sorry Tony well and it's fully enough so
watch these pearl he's got he's got a
program on that let's call them I am NOT
your guru yeah and I watched that every
day for like five days I'm going to cry
a lot yeah I was crying there's one
scene with it with the lady who had
suicidal woman yeah yeah that's what
pulled me out of it okay the suicidal
woman when she said like I can't cope no
more a car and that was a turning point
I vote no more of this now yeah yeah got
myself back into work so obviously at
this point I was in Ireland
okay I'm self-employed or wasn't earning
I'm off work I'm in January a really
busy periods of all these sports all
these sports are going on yeah yeah but
yet just completely overwhelmed felt
like I was way out of control
Wow didn't have a clue what was going on
how to tackle it so this six-month
transition now you've got you've got the
Mustang you've gone travelling you've
sort of lifted yourself back up again
yeah sort of finding your way again
yeah is that a recent event now are we
talking is that now her arm
how's your position right now good
strong fantastic strong I mean from last
January to this January's been very
strong okay and so on food threat this
year and just find that then so I
followed Tony Robbins I follow a lot of
pa yeah because I have to how I put food
in my mouth how I lift weights I have to
also put stuff into my mind yeah Bagon
on that sort of stuff whatever it is
whoever you you know you resonate with I
think you should put it into you yeah
yeah because otherwise you start
watching the news your thoughts are
completely the wrong way yeah in with
the way that I wouldn't recommend if you
want like a strong mindset yeah so so
that's it
and so what I want to know now is
obviously you're in a good place now
touch briefly on the gym stuff what's
your daily habits like now because I'm
thinking there's probably a thousand
people listening to this who can
resonate with what you've just gone
through the anxiety that feeling of just
being in a rock yeah and I believe that
motivation doesn't last forever and it
comes down to a level of discipline to
kind of just get over those bad days
yeah so what kind of routines do you do
on there like a daily basis I mean I try
my best to sort of get up the same time
every day quickly c'est quoi best 7
Harper 7 mmm saying you've got that
solid routine
I normally have breakfast as normal I
won't so I'll prep the food for the day
ahead or the on coming days because I'd
normally have gaps ok in between clients
I can pop em and prep all the food yo D
it's fresh then as well of course I'm
fortunate enough that I can come back
home and get obviously so I've got a
stress with crap not saying it's a bad
thing to prep into brilliant things yeah
absolutely I don't do that anymore I
could do so close myself yeah I can just
come pop back so they're not all go to
work do like my morning sessions maybe
straight through into the afternoon then
train and maybe come back then a few
more you need depends on what the
Diaries looking like okay nighttime I
don't really have caffeine past 2 3
o'clock ok I cook caffeine off I'm not
too picky with food late at night
doesn't it doesn't really bother me yeah
as long song again and that calories
that any impaired a that
really matter fury at 11 o'clock or not
more so more freedom like yeah I like to
sleep like yeah yeah say yeah
then I'll obviously do what I was going
on meeting where the chat with friends
girls whatever whatever's on the agenda
I don't normally train in evenings okay
not normally I'd normally have it
wrapped up by get out of the way free
p.m. yeah training do you listen to
books do you read books do you do any
gratitude or goal-setting or anything
like that yeah it's funny enough for all
you're gonna see this is mad as well
oh I'd actually vote when I was in this
row yeah or as I was just coming out of
it last year I droped some goals down
and every single one was it happened it
was AMA I wrote it down on piece of
paper and stuck on the side of my bed on
the cupboard and one was buy a new card
said Range Rover originally why don't I
upped it out a lot but that was one I
got a new car yeah trap wait this is so
weird since it said travel to free
another three countries you've never
been to yeah we're not in trouble I went
to Dublin I went to Budapest I went to
Zurich Switzerland
damn what was the other Craig this is
the craziest one I think once said moot
move Jim places because it will change
the game this was these worldwide okay
Andy
I did that you spoke about the lid yeah
plastic my mindset was gone from there
to learn so I wasn't particularly happy
at work yeah mr. just was not helping
matters whatsoever yeah but it was just
weird and every single one that I wrote
down yeah yeah and I didn't refer back
to him all until one day I just looked
him before yeah yeah well this is the
thing so I'm very big on personal
development like I pride myself on my
last job think I read like 50 books or
something okay and the first ever this
is this is why we were quite similar
when I was 25 I was working in London at
the time and the first person
development guru I ever found was 20
Robbins yeah so I was listening to his
stuff I mean one of these tapes he
mentions writing it down and the
importance of goals and I remember I
that particular point I wrote down
I think it was like two three cause a
common belief there Birnam the phase 2
and it was 2 1 buy a house and two to
buy a golf always wanted a golf croquet
you could never afford one like mom and
dad blessing they brought me a fiat
punto which is like the best time ever
yeah it was all we could afford and is
your first car loved it to bits but in
my head was always like if I can get a
golf kind of made it yeah and at that
time again in a row tip I forgot about
it until about two three years later and
I'm getting a Scirocco cuz they've just
come out a stroke I look hard before
yeah they are amazing my kind of the
fault of sure up so ever so I'm meant to
get involved it's just kind of like in
my eyes a bit man upgrade yeah and I've
got buying my first investment hold and
so it was weird because I remember
finding my books women burrows moving as
a what's this and I'll pretend it's my
goals and that's why every time I've
done it it has worked so now one of my
kind of practices on every morning is to
what my goals now nothing you've just
proven that yes yes because what happens
subconsciously you're almost seeing the
opportunities out there and you're
probably driving more towards a 100
percent so yeah yeah I mean I write
goals down and what was everything was
talking about I meditate 39 ok yeah it's
when I was struggling in that bad past
I've seen tell okay can ask what your
meditation process is I just use a any
YouTube app that I really can we're rich
one for grieving cried she just loved it
I mean this loads so simple it's a
simple matter of I'm just thinking for
the listeners get on YouTube the stuffs
out there type in minute yeah yeah for
however long you can do it yeah yeah and
until you fall asleep
really that's why also you do at night
yeah I do it at night I don't really
tend to do a probably a good idea
because if you're anything like me but
I've got to sleep and I'm worrying about
other things I've got to do the name
yeah that's how the brain works so it's
very seductive at night isn't it yeah so
I tend to do it at night and sometimes I
won't use it if I'm quite chilled I'll
just go straight to sleep
it'll depend yeah yeah so your food
obviously you're a personal trainer and
I'm probably the worst person trying to
give food advice because I used to
suffer with binge eating I would be very
flexible with my diet so if I fancy
something I'm just gonna eat it because
I don't have been doin it later yeah so
my diet is a bit like I do get responses
on Instagram but how are you eating this
again to me it's all about calories yeah
you know what goes into your body you
barely enough effectively European K
yeah yeah body composition so have you
got any particular foods that you eat or
again um now I mean so up more flex
we're gonna try and cut down like so
obviously I've been bulking for Trump on
some mass a while now I finally hit 15
stone plus now so I think I'm back down
to 15 stone now was 15 stone fight four
weeks ago
yeah I'm 15 stone now so I'm quite
regimented leave it now as I cut down
when I'm trying to bulk up I'm not as
recommending I'm still in terms of the
foods I mean I'll keep the same foods
like every I'll change them up every two
weeks so if a breakfast still be oats
whey protein powder and not salt Ana's
milk yeah then two big meals of like
chicken noodle stir-fry and the last me
that we salmon I'm right and I'll be the
same for two weeks and ostrich eat of
wire okay it seems to be working
yeah and then obviously hydration is
asleep yeah I have loads I only drink
water really water and tea I could
pretty much have the same food I suppose
on all the time my only thing is when I
first died I took a everything that
you'd consider open commas here a bad
food yeah and then what was happening
was I did that for about 18 months I was
so strict and the moment I stopped
dieting because I gave up boxing all of
a sudden mate I was in like 10,000
calories a day to that to that really
honestly to the point last um what would
be here I'd be out with the missus and I
couldn't buy the car back because I was
just like glued up like the night
professor horrible and what used to
happen was I used to beat up for two
days Friday Saturday sometimes
absolutely hate myself swear at myself
in the mirror and I used to go to the
gym three times a day up until the
following Thursday and then what I do is
I use down to like 1800 so I'm wondering
in overtraining and then all of a sudden
come Friday again when I go out for a
drink
I'm drink and obviously then you lose
all your common sense and I've do the
10,000 Kelly thing again slow so I'll
use this thing called my fitness park
which yeah mate he was like this just
like you all the time so I've got over
that too hypnotherapy and why I did it
and then that's why now I'm very
flexible in my process of said that you
percent my diet is like nutrient-dense
food you know that the stuff that you
years they're talking about but then the
last day if I want a biscuit or a
chocolate you're gonna see me do it
basically okay so yeah it's interesting
yeah yeah why were we accessible it's um
it's crew shoulder yeah I mean I wish I
had more of a nutrient-dense style at
yourself I just think there's also an
argument for sustainability as well yeah
you've got other diets sustainable and
you've got to enjoy it because that's
gonna have mental implications if not as
well if you're not enjoying your food in
it everything looks back to the point if
you're not enjoying your food you're not
gonna sustain it yeah therefore your
body's not maybe where it's supposed to
be or where you want it to be therefore
the mental problems coming it's all it's
all interlinked of course everything's
interlink to it and just on the mental
health thing there that you that you're
on about so would you say that's
probably the biggest adversity that
you've been through during that time and
for the listeners because I'm sure
through our life we're all gonna lose
somebody very close to us and go for
that sort of patch in our life
what were the lessons that you learn
from it and how did you fully get over
it god Jerry's the 100 percent the
biggest adversity I've never experienced
anything like that my entire life not
even when the day my dad passed okay I
didn't feel as bad right as I did last
January the emotional pain was just as a
sailor's overwhelming do you think it
was a build-up from I think every what
happened was rock so I went see a
counselor like last and late last year
going into early this year because I've
never I never had a proper bereavement
counseling and I still had loads of
stuff underlined and I think that's what
the bill that was okay so imagine having
that much emotional pain build-up for
what three years and just explode an
alpha to correlate shape yeah it's just
it's just gone explode in the air yeah
and I tell you in terms of the lessons
learn I think the bereavement counselor
definitely helped me to understand as
interesting the stuff and the lessons
that I learned were the grief has no
timeline
it's now got a time line there's no
proper way to grieve yeah yeah it's okay
to feel back you've got it you've got to
feel these emotions you've got to feel
the emotions and not subdue them okay
see if you subdued him you have an
episode like I did and that's I wouldn't
wish that wish that were my worst enemy
[Music]
another lesson was probably I learned
that I'm strong a lot stronger than a
fault of I thought you were yeah yeah to
get through that I mean there's not much
to phase me now to be honest if I can
come over that they're in the fin and
and this is one of the things I've tried
to do with this podcast as well
is I don't want somebody to go through
what you've just been through you know
to lose their parent and then go through
the pressure what I wanted to do is
realize the last point you said that was
just amazing it's but stronger than we
we know we are and that we think we're
capable of and I think the only way you
find that is by going through some
adversity or yeah I should never know or
should I be no no this is where I love I
love the gym and I love people that are
into the gym because when you go to the
gym you don't go there to have like a
luxury time you go there you put your
body in distress yeah provided how you
train and then you you're almost trying
to grow in that moment and I urge people
not just to do that in the gym to do
that through life as ah yes why I got to
probably speak in sessions when most of
the time I choke oh you go you're going
to like help you absolutely opt that
does I mention that the other thing
that's been really good especially for
yourself with anxiety as well I think
that's brilliant and the first few times
I've been there and they've asked me to
say something I'm just looked out every
wannabe luck don't say it's in number
one public fear though isn't it it is
and I thought in my head if I can
conquer that I can conquer anything and
I wonder way there now and I think like
two weeks four actually won the best
beat of the day coach me if you ask me
three months already left yeah you know
chances that's amazing though man yeah
so hence white but you're doing the same
things like you've had to come out of
this sort of dark hole and you've done
it and you've said some amazing things
they're like it's okay not to feel great
grief has no timeline and I think coming
from a male and most of you know if you
could follow Alex
paid so like Instagram in great physical
shape you're training people you're
going to come across as a sort of alpha
male or suppose yeah yeah cause there's
a vulnerability in what you're saying
and I think as a guy I think we need to
obviously it's best that more yeah
because we have this thing like bravado
like our culture our weaknesses and I
think especially meant to have one of
the things I'm working on this year as
are is really trying to raise awareness
for mental health yeah because my mom
suffered with it support people with
mental health and I think people are
yourself it make other people who may be
in a similar situation to yourself think
if alex is it 100 yeah yeah now you
won't believe the amount of people that
have told me to have gotta do you won't
beliefs add isn't it like I honestly
think most of the human race has it to
some probably got it some degree yeah
where some people just say you how about
a few years I've had people just come
out yeah about it for about ten years
right but I'm the on the surface
everyone's got masks everyone's got a
mess yeah some of the strongest people
are no wood on the surface successful
and they've come you have been
absolutely struggling for 10 years it's
crazy my anxieties but today I'm strong
yeah yeah and this is this is what I try
and be as transparent as I can on my
social media with everything I do
so ridership there something's gone
about try and say not to sound like
depressing because I don't want to come
across as a depressing life yeah and
it's almost like guys it's okay not to
be okay yeah or to have a shit day where
you just feel like you're in the funk
but I get those days but if course he's
gone wrong like I probably had the best
day before and I wake up the next day
feel absolute shit for note-for-note no
that's that's unfortunate the horrible
thing about yeah anxiety and stuff it's
it can just creep up on you for
absolutely no reason
hence why it did two years off well yeah
this was exactly and I'm overwhelmed
feeling as well oh there's there's been
overwhelmed moderately than has been
overwhelmed
completely with everything that you
can't control anything you you can't
even function under the day-to-day
routine if you ask me a question I reply
a very about ten-second
later Wow it's a serious very serious
thing very serious thing and you're
working on it now though yeah I think of
my massive yes inroads to it to be
honest and I honestly put that down to
the bereavement counselor okay so you'd
recommend anyone going through that to
at least talk whether it's with the
counselor you know some people have a
stigma attached to that but I think talk
is probably one of the most important
100% I mean I wouldn't see a really good
woman called Elaine at Walsall
bereavement center which is free yeah
yeah free of charge so I mean that the
system she's got there she's very she's
very very good I mean it just made me
understand my emotions more Jamie and
cosy I think the trouble with anxiety
feel completely alone with it down yeah
and you think the only one in the world
yeah yeah absolutely ten times worse
yeah see people need to understand that
you're not the only one going through it
and that in itself makes huge
improvement because you feel sort of
like the most worthless one in the room
is not make sense so yeah it's nice and
other people are soft it's nice to know
in a way people are suffering as well as
horrible as that I know what I mean by
that though I know it's nice to know
that people have the same infusion
problems yeah and I think if we lick
about twenty said earlier that's
probably the problem with society today
especially when you're hearing about
kids with like depression or kind of
symptoms they go I don't like social
media and seeing this perfect life that
everyone's portraying yeah that's not
that's not it it's like somebody might
post every brand new car or they might
post a holiday but there might be in
debt there might have had a bereavement
the day before so anything would have
happened absolutely and if what happens
is we see that as a snapshot now you got
to remember 99.9% of people on in the
world are already gonna post highlights
them on this follow us has great
reception we've see the good side
absolutely and and that's kind of like
the gift and the curse I think with
social media which is and again another
reason I do this is
say look yeah you got fantastic stuff on
your histogram you can learn a hell of a
lot about fitness and personal training
and stuff but there's a real person here
and you could probably learn more
valuable life lesson yeah yeah by this
interview that since 100% I think I
think the kids of our generation now
that didn't set up to fail that garbs
I'm sure they've got no chance because
they're coming to a world where they've
been handed this this phone here this
tablet here yeah and I think I was
listening so glad you know simon Sinek
yeah yeah yeah I was listening to some
of his stuff I mean he's basically
saying there's no way like kids now can
handle the dopamine fix of what they're
looking at the big good hormone fix
because they're they're obsessed of it
that as soon as air phone pings after
happy it's crazy
pick it up when they don't want you to
be happy about his own when you think
about it the grand scheme of things it's
just but I was just I was driving
through some place near Warsaw a few
weeks ago and I was just looking and I
was like the kids coming out of school
and every single one on the street was
on the phone I'm not talking about
one in ten every single one of them was
on the phone and a fuck I just refer
back to when I just call I was running
around
I mean running around and doing just
crazy stuff like I look at them now and
I think that you just been cell phone
it's not their fault I don't think it's
their fault it's not their fault
I think leeches are allowing some phones
into lessons are they now it's like you
said potentially setting them up to fail
isn't it I think we're kind of like a
good generation where we lived before
the phony era but also now we get to
benefit I suppose from like a work
perspective yeah so I fell into the trap
initially of like say like Instagram you
know you looking who's engaging my post
and stuff yeah I do now and I probably
said for the last four months is
whenever I write a post unlike what the
Facebook I use quite a lot I just turned
my phone off them and I only ever got
back to reply what I don't do is scroll
through Facebook and like other people's
stuff will follow other people's stuff
too much yeah is it all supportive but
because I don't want to put my mind in
that in that moment or no rage yeah
agente really thinking yeah
I'm doing enough or I'm not enough
because someone's always doing this so
just on my own something you have to be
a bit selfish that look this is what I
want to say if you resonate with it
fantastic if you don't mind past it but
I just want to get off my chest so are
you social media especially prayer
that's a way I just talked it to myself
and it's kind of like my journey yeah
yeah I can be like oh yeah you should
say that then how much I've got grown
since yeah if that makes sense
and that's helping massively because I
reckon if I was constantly on Facebook
and I've done it where I'm just watching
everyone and everyone's buying new cars
and doing crazy things and I'm like you
almost been inferior a little bit yeah
but as you said those points would
follow up at the same time how do you
know that person is in hasn't taken a
huge loan to pay that you just put on
the Instagram of the face but of course
yeah they haven't been given that
haven't won the car you didn't it might
be one those free options
you're never know any plug you
automatically think are their doing well
they're doing it right that's the phrase
new reality probably haven't got much
self worth custom I've been given the
car so Duty absolutely and I think the
most important thing is probably like
happiness that how happy are they really
oh yes well of course this is this is
the issued so it's all false
representations what they do is take it
on face value isn't it yeah this is it
as you say it's the the pros and cons of
social media media but I think now what
what annoys me is that I have to use
social media for business for business
at the same time I hate it yeah
Bono's gotta be done 100% that's that's
where oh yes stuck between ever to let
go of social media and just try and find
a way that you can live with it yeah
because it's only gonna get worse yeah
of course I mean we spoke about voice
hence the podcast yeah everything's
going to probably voice-activated
apparently there's a massive statistic I
don't know if the top of my head that
most people when they search into like
Google or Syria or something and I'm
probably talking about younger
demographic yeah they do
via voice so that's how much is changing
I mean that we're probably still used to
typing stuff and it's it's incredible
really I mean it's incredible how much
we've developed break I just wish you
know their whole mentor half side and
that sort of it was developing at this
yeah we said yeah it's um it's very very
scary for them yeah I don't know if your
clients on any one set stuff or yeah I'm
pretty much to go to guy oh yeah
fantastic yeah pretty much do you be a
good great advocate but very very very
much so and i've i've had people like
i've pulled people a depression i pulled
them have things by just doing what I do
really don't rely telling going from my
experiences etc regardless from younger
than them or not doesn't matter have
another different experience absolutely
but you have massively change people
it's mentally physically got more the
best periods
yeah what you do what you do but I mean
I'm not gonna name names I don't know so
enough like I mean there was one guy
trained is literally where I was in
terms of rock bottom he didn't lead the
house that he didn't leave the house and
he hadn't trained in how long and I
pretty much pulled him out of it he was
in this last year I think he was in it
they're not then I didn't know he
dropped before he was it fell a bit low
and poor mentally before I did so I I
fell into I fell into it I got back out
of it and pulled him okay sort of out as
well which is commendable because it's
probably the hardest thing just putting
yourself out yeah and I just remembering
like I was trying to I was trying to get
into work but couldn't write I was tell
himself yesterday I'm going back in and
fire comes to it and I can get back in
and I remember I'm just saying you just
take your time etc so eventually got
back in and now he's here and of a three
or four stone down fantastic at work had
a baby oh wow I love that me had a baby
yeah yeah loves these training so good
stuff good on you mate
so yeah he's on it now yeah I think
because obviously I did my qualification
I think about eight years ago my last
few clients I stopped at the back end of
last year they used to say the training
and everything yeah it's fine whatever
but they say we enjoy like the mindset
porks and stuff that I used to give him
love that side of it because you don't
know what people what stresses have got
on the life and you don't know what in
that hour our slot or whatever you have
yeah you don't know how much you'll
benefit directly because people I'll
tell you after G that you don't even
know what you do yeah you don't see no
yeah you don't see it yeah do you know I
mean and that's a special thing I think
that's a special thing about the job I
agree if you can change someone's life
around like that it's pretty bit there's
no better feeling better than earning
millions for some companies lately
absolutely you're gonna see not much of
oh yeah so would you say that's your
kind of motivation now like moving
forward or I mean what what keeps you
going now on a daily basis
that in itself only percent that I mean
I think you have to get to know people a
little bit more don't you their personal
goals what the one thing you can start
to build that rapport yeah and once you
start to build that rapport it means
even more to you doesn't it because you
lied the pass and you become be the best
digital yeah my similar so you're
rocking up into work and it's not even
work Jeremy you doing it for them and
let's just see the seem so grateful yeah
you made me want to go back there yeah
that's a big finger isn't it I mean if
you can if you can do that that's pretty
special I think of course but if you can
start to retune people's minds and
relationships with food exercise with
themselves it then impacts on the
personal life and other stuff like that
yeah you create a butterfly effect yeah
positive because I think if you if you
can start to improve that that there's
gonna be good things that'll topple over
absolutely from that closing the hardest
workers in the room in the gym and
normally the heart the most successful
people financially your family wise
relationship probably if you take that
level of discipline and work ethic into
the world it's all a discipline isn't it
under the most disciplined people are
most successful people and if you can
prove that in the gym probably one the
hardest I agree scenarios are going to
be ok I always look at someone and if
they're physically in good shape
you know you've got some good level of
disappeared another half hours yard work
I know you've had to probably go to
social events and not eat what everyone
else is eating or drink what everyone
else a drink lot you've had to make
sacrifices so I fully appreciate that
yeah a lot of people don't understand
that they'll call those sort of people a
gym free cause yes absolutely yeah
when you think about it now the matter I
always you've probably have to do to
change a physiques and our bodies and
it's incredible incredible amount yeah
but a lot of people don't understand
that and there are a hell of a lot of
lazy people yeah yeah hell of a lot of
lazy people which I can't understand I
don't understand how they've got to that
yeah how about that stage whoever its
tuning from a young age or Parenthood or
fell in with the wrong crowd
I don't know yeah do you know I mean so
I don't know it's one of the pillars
that are you so I was in corporate first
I went straight into business one of the
things that I wanted to do was to work
with people on a one-to-one basis so yes
I love the person training I do it more
and I sort of mindset basis as well lie
especially property and stuff but can
help them yeah develop and one of the
first things I'll say before I start
working with them is you gotta get a gym
plan
don't be talking to liver yeah one thing
for you to do before you do anything
else is work on yourself first so all of
them will have to do some level of
physical activity now whatever that is
it doesn't need to be lifting weights it
could be yoga ISM going for runs
whatever they want to do but you have to
do some level of activity yeah yeah I
mean that almost be any discomfort in
order to grow yeah and always do that
face because then I think like you said
if they're if they can work really hard
to give 100% on that they're nothing
okay that's a great trait with that
could work with that person's got
working yeah yeah whereas if they've
turn around but no I just want to learn
about this or making money but I
wouldn't do this I'm not okay I'm
probably not the right code for you yeah
because my coach is gonna be holistic
it's gonna be about everything yeah yeah
and I think you'll be great at that
I think obviously as your business
starts to expand in your personal
training you could potentially I don't
have your own franchise I don't know
what your goals are but because you have
both aspects of it I think you're very
really well yeah yeah it is a good thing
to tap into niche it's all interlinked
isn't it and it's only gonna get it's
only gonna get more
prevalent in society a hundred percent
so what's your fear now death right okay
I spoke to my Cantrell about this
because she was like when when you lose
people close to you rather than extended
family or someone who's not particularly
close to you you realize mortality cuz
until then you're immortal our ninja
know I mean you don't fit nothing you
really think cuz I it doesn't really
cross your mind you're invincible
through more so that death scares me
okay now yeah that scares me and I think
you just you've hit the nail on the head
there because if somebody hasn't gone
through death listening to this podcast
they're gonna think nice not really
resonating somebody who's been through
it it almost comes in your head on a
daily basis so I think everyone
everyone's going to lose some worth some
stage that's just the way the world
works you know we haven't worked out how
to survive forever and I lost about
seven people within 18 months no friends
or family
but prior to that I'm not really lost no
one so for me is like here soul and soul
has lost their granddad or the grandma
and I feel sad but that was it it was
very short-lived
whereas now yeah that whole death thing
I suppose it does scare me because I
think I don't know if this is my last
day hence why I try and like bust my ass
and work as much as I can to make sure
that if I was to leave today I've left
the world in a better place yeah if that
makes sense so is motivation it is right
it is you become more instantly you feel
like most things scarier and what was it
kind of saying now she was like
obviously once I lost my dad I felt like
I needed to do everything fast needed to
buy have sat down rah-rah-rah all of
these things because she doesn't know
how much time you've got and that's
that's unfortunate thing of this whole
realizing mortality send you in a rush
yeah that's where the anxiety sets in
yeah whatever nothingness by then that
resonates with me so much because I feel
I've got so much to do so many people I
want to help and I'm like I could be
gone tomorrow
and it scares me yeah so you're trying
to rush into it everything yeah and I
know that's probably not the right place
I I follow of course it's not yeah but
we know we know this for your tower
we're
president absolutely well yeah that
that's what she was saying if she felt
like oh my dad died at this age am I
gonna die at this age now yeah I've
gotta do this I gotta do that harsh in
order to this yeah and in reality you've
got all the time in the world really
yeah but in that moment in that
channeling yeah we exact it in your head
yeah but you can't get out of its it's a
parent and that's the UM
that's mortality isn't it do you follow
Gary Vaynerchuk a little bit yeah well
he started to grind on me after was it
yes he's a mob like Jota but one of the
things he says he's really good is he
says you should be impatient in there in
the micro I either short-term or patient
for the macro for the long-term which
when I think about it and why he says it
makes sense so it's like yes you should
work absolutely like 100 percent every
single day as if it's your last day but
still know your goals that you want to
achieve and stuff are gonna take longer
a bit like I suppose bodybuilding for
example yeah you're now on a cot for
example to get t-they it's not gonna
happen no matter how hard you train
today you're not going to get to that
body today yeah even if you've had the
best I ever today something happen but
what you can do is absolutely crush it
right now and then tomorrow repeat next
day repeat and then all of the sudden
you will you will get there as well yeah
so like that's one thing he says that
really resonates with me yeah but like
you said when you get that level of
anxiety and it it overwhelms you it's
difficult to think you're like you're
not thinking there's no clarity
basically your thoughts yeah yeah and
what what people need to realize like
you're in control of these thoughts you
can still control them you've just
you've gone down a path where you think
you can't control them do you know I
mean except every four is well within
the control we just don't know it like
when you're in that bad patch yeah
that's right and that's what I learnt as
well and that was with the bereavement
counselor yeah yeah that's powerful but
like you are in control of your thoughts
it's just a belief that you're not that
means you're leaving that you're not
when you are should we were before we
were before
before we had events and one not so many
I think about it a lot we were kids the
thoughts we have you're invincible you
know we were going to
Kaizen our heroes why can't we have that
an absolutely because somewhere along
life somebody's told you you can't do
something or you've fallen down and
rather as a kid where you keep getting
back up you've actually said you know
I'll stay down we're just going the
opposite way yeah yeah that's a problem
in it and it does take certain things
like these events traumatic events and
other events in your life that obviously
make up your thoughts do you know it
means in your beliefs your beliefs are
the one you start believing certain
things about the world and yourself that
comes out in your actions and your
beliefs are just a combination of the
thoughts yeah cause this is why you've
got a control everyone everyone's got
different millions of ways it's not just
us yeah of course
trust me when you get to a deep
conversation with someone you really
know what the thinking about you they
actually thinking that you know I mean
so you know we're not alone with that
that's what we've got and you are you
are in control you've just got to try
your best to control them it's a good
affirmation tough so I do affirmations
in the morning as well
so I say stuff like I'm no longer
anxious I'm not shy yeah yeah I think
you have to consciously make the effort
which is a viewfinder so you have to
consciously make yeah yeah because if
subconsciously I'm I'm not in I'm
potential everyone has to do this yeah I
can't see how you can you cannot do it I
think everyone does do it but we assume
the people at the top like you know
you're Dwayne Johnson you're Kevin Hart
celebrities they don't do it but they
did Wayne Johnson suffers yeah dad yeah
really badly rock is that everyone's
Idol
it's amazing mean yeah and you are you
are approaches of your your thoughts you
are you are your thoughts on powerful me
yeah but like people need to understand
you can't control them yeah if you want
to if you just let them spoil problems
isn't it absolutely yeah but what
they've got understand if you do have a
day like that that's fine push it into
the car but that's all and as well are
you better start to continue to beat
yourself up for another few weeks
that lifestyle enough disease we've real
saturations and without you behind some
horses or absolute making up these these
problems yeah which is what humans tend
to do we can we can sabotage ourself as
much as you want but we don't tend to do
to us so why should we do it to
ourselves but we Dukes it's easy
it's true though innit nice I'm not
gonna say to you what's going on in my
head about I won self-sabotage myself
then say the same stuff to you it's
deeper nasties or what to do yeah yeah
isn't that weird
do you know what I mean what so why why
why why do we think it's right to do it
to us ourselves he's probably the most
important at the end of the day I'm yes
sir if you think about it logically we
are actually the most important people
to ourselves yeah so yeah but it's it's
easy and it's easy to say to yourself
it's no one's gonna question okay we're
gonna go in three two one
what did you eat for breakfast squats or
deadlifts squats the ability to fly or
be invisible fly if your favourite cheap
meal Peter when your fame money your
proudest moment getting into the cam
here everything your favourite food for
years number one health to stay
disciplined biggest Fitness to me there
are certain foods that convert back
yeah definitely achieve your number one
goal this year travel more your favorite
TV show ever sons of anarchy
would you rather know how you will die
or when you were dying when your
favorite hobbies Jim if you could sit
with one person in the world for an hour
you would it be oh my dinero your worst
fear is a child dinner for your favorite
place in the world okay if you could
abolish one thing in the world what
would it be
murdering your favorite song ever death
match
order number read boys or predict the
future three times your favorite super
Europe Batman why his minds oh yeah
who's badasses yeah he's IV I'm finally
your biggest sprint organization okay
fantastic so the next question we're
almost at the end actually it's about
reflection so not really exactly what
you don't know because obviously now
you've worked on your physical health
your mental health you're in a much
better place so nobody exactly what you
know now if you could go back to a time
where you were struggling or maybe a
younger version of yourself and you
could whisper something in that person's
ear just to kind of make their life
easier I suppose growing up what would
you say it will pass
it will pass 100% it will pass me I'll
get bad you've got you've got to go
through this to grow and it will pass
very difficult to see the time yeah
impossible to sing yeah yeah
what it will party will pass a lot that
this isn't last forever yeah nothing
lasts forever
yeah so I'll have to send you a podcast
after this made their little East
Bhagwat similar kind of thing and the
guy on it he was talking about chaos and
how he just flipped the script in his
mind to say he enjoys the chaos because
of high resilience and how much strength
he's gonna build from it and how much
knowledge whereas a lot of us were kind
of trying to avoid pain and stuff where
he's that bring me down because I know
in six months time I'm gonna be much
yeah yeah
you almost let it enter right buddy
we're actually at the last question now
so the last question I always ask my
guess is if in a 150 years time science
fails to save us all and all that exists
is a book on the table and that book is
about you and it's about your life and
all of the great and wonderful things
that you aspire to do you want to do you
know you've done it but in order to make
somebody pick that up what would one
that I will say and two what would the
summary at the bat tell us about you tie
it would be something along the lines of
never give up the summary of my like
what yes I think about this wait there's
there's somebody gone to a book store
and they're looking at all these books
and they've turned it around now you
need to make them want to pick it up to
be like oh that's quite interesting
actually that sounds interesting so a
little bit about yourself maybe the
things you want to achieve how do you
want to be remembered but I just wanted
to say that you'd want to meet as many
people as you can make a positive
impression with everyone you come into
contact with never give up on anything
yeah until it's completely done and just
keep trying to live in the moment
keep trying to live in the moment that's
the only one you can control and just
keep do what you want to do not what
people what you have to do do what you
want to do because there ain't no time
for nothing else really absolutely
really I think I'd pick it up yeah yeah
yeah definitely me I appreciate so thank
you for that that brings us to the end
of the show now but before we leave and
I close it off I just want you to give
the listeners a chance to obviously
connect with yourself so I will put all
of this in the show notes anyway so you
can literally click on it by any app
that you listen to this one but where's
the best place to contact you mobile or
email okay I don't know if you want to
put your mobile direct down here yeah my
Instagram okay choose your Instagram
yeah yes let's go for it yeah it's a li
ro eight nine eight
okay fantastic
up or down the shoulders or you want
like snapchat Facebook anything like
that or a more I don't really use okay I
use Facebook obviously just type in Alex
Roberts okay then there should be a
naked man obviously yeah that's the
profile of course you person did but
yeah those two platforms okay brilliant
thank you I just want to say thanks
again to Alex for children to the Shonan
and for everyone else thanks for
listening and remember this podcast is
absolutely free so all we ask in return
is for you to share this with a friend
and drop us a five star review over on
iTunes have an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 18- "On the other side of adversity" - Tiana Barnwell #18
Tagline: "I don't want my story to be about my struggle...I want it to be Tiana Barnwell helped people, she came back, she gave back, she did it."
Tiana Barnwell is a shining example of what determination and focus can bring you. With a vision at 7 years old to go to Spelman College she achieved graduation via a few years in foster care (kinship) disrupting her life but never stopping her achieving her dreams. As stated in the subtitle, less than 3% of foster care children graduate from a 4-year college degree so its a shining example to all those out there, anything is possible. With such a wise head on her shoulders and a why that far exceeds her own personal goals Tiana is destined for stardom in helping people through her real estate dreams. Now graduating with job offers from Goldman Sachs she pursues her next adventure and continues to grow and shine a light on the world.
I urge you all to follow this incredible story and women who will be a household name sooner rather than later.
Thanks for listening
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Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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Links to guest:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/_tkvngg
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Have an awesome day
JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show
so today's story is one that is very
close to my heart and I'm sure a lot of
you will resonate with this story you
see I was on Twitter a few weeks ago and
I read this devastate in fact that only
3% of children who go into foster care
actually come out with a degree now I
was very very excited and actually
remember jumping up in bed when I
reached out to this individual and I got
an instant response because I
congratulated Tiana having read that she
was one of those three percents who
actually graduated and so she's
effectively gone from foster care to
Goldman Sachs which is the company who
have actually taken her on and I was so
proud of her
yeah at this time I had no idea who she
was I knew nothing about it personally
now the reason it touched my heart is
because four of my siblings have come
from the foster care system and it's
something where I try and be an advocate
for him maybe through this show maybe in
personal life as well where I want them
to know that there are no limits and no
boundaries on what you can achieve in
life and Tiana is a shining example of
that and I hope you genuinely enjoy this
episode because you see a girl here with
so much passion and enthusiasm for
wanting to change the world she's also
from New York so it was always great to
get somebody from overseas on here and
also to give them a platform where
hopefully this can help her in terms of
raising her profile inspiring other
children but I urge you to stay towards
the end of the show because she says
something that's really really important
and it really made me think after
releasing this show because obviously
tiles are important and getting you guys
to listen to the stories and engage is
important and she says something at the
end that really made me think about how
she wants to be remembered so hopefully
you enjoy it without further ado we're
going to jump straight into it and just
let me know your thoughts in relation to
her final words thank you okay welcome
to the show and today I am very grateful
to have Tiana on the show today somebody
who actually reached out to very
recently haven't seen her stories so
firstly I just want to welcome Tiana to
the show Turner welcome and how are you
doing today I'm doing well blessed and
highly favored thank you are you doing
today I'm very well thank you as well
thank you no Tiana is actually from New
York I believe is that correct yes I'm
from New York but I currently go to
college in Atlanta Georgia okay
fantastic so I think it's really
important obviously for the listeners of
this show to hear a little bit about
yourself a little bit about your story
because for me personally I've got a
soft spot for your story but I think
let's tell the audience a little bit
about yourself
so I'm Tiana I was born and raised in
New York and I currently attend college
stomache College in Atlanta Georgia so I
didn't really get here the easier
traditional way I was actually placed in
the foster care when I was in high
school my freshman year of high school
and with that came a lot of baggage
there were court dates there were
therapy deeds there was just there's so
much baggage that came along with being
placed in the foster care and it kind of
discouraged me a little bit from
applying to my top choice which was
filming I kind of just wanted to stay in
New York just relax just just get out
and and kind of just just be me and
initially I before I was placed in the
foster care I had not really told
anybody what was going on in my life I
was just kind of just going to school
going home occasionally staying with my
aunt sometimes and finally I decided to
speak up and speak out about what was
going on and that led to me being placed
in foster care and I wasn't in foster
care and what it's not a typical story
where I was placed in foster care at the
age of two
or something like that was placed in
foster care about 14 and I the main goal
was to return the parent so what I had
to do is I just got a therapy with my
mom go to therapy alone as well and just
work through the issues that were going
on and fortunately I was able to return
the parent and my mom and I have such a
great relationship right now so have you
got any siblings
yes I do have two sisters okay in the
house with my mom and I and my father
also has children so I have about ten
Sidley okay and in terms of going into
kinship ie foster care was that
something that was only yourself or was
it also the same with your siblings as
well
I'm just I was placed into foster care
actually okay well I think the positive
thing is what you touched on at the end
is that you've got a great relationship
with your birth mother how was your stay
and experience with in foster care so my
experience was it was good because
because it was kinship care I was able
to stay with my art I did have to meet
with a social worker every week and I
did have to do certain things like go to
therapy speak with a life coach and the
foster care agency I was actually really
amazing there the New York foundling I
mean they provide they provided
everything I could ever need so I had a
therapist I had a doctor who I could
always go to who was actually located in
the same facility as my therapist and
then I had amazing social workers who
would come check on me and not only
check on me but make sure that
everything with my well-being was okay
make sure that was meant to be okay and
even just take me out and and just talk
to me and also they provided a life
coach it was so amazing because I was
able to talk about different goals that
I had and being able to to just try and
grow as a person so I think for anyone
listening now Tiana you probably don't
know this yourself I was actually a
social worker for a very short amount of
time as well oh yeah so I mean the
reason I reached out to you is obviously
I explained earlier for my siblings come
from the care system so I gave up
my initial job as a project manager to
become a social worker to kind of I
suppose change the world and try and
help children in your situation or in
worse situations I mean I'm sure you've
heard the horror stories so I have a lot
of admiration for social workers sadly I
think especially in this country they're
they're put under a hell of a lot of
stress and it's a very very difficult
job so I'm just glad that you managed to
get some good social workers who were
able to obviously help you help you
develop as you explained earlier so if I
may I mean that's giving me a little bit
about yourself what would you like
growing up because for me I think
there's got to be personality traits
within you that have brought out some
level of determination dedication in
terms of going on in and achieving a
degree because I've done a degree and
it's no easy feat so I think firstly
congratulations on that but thank you
what was life like growing up was it was
it difficult or was it just this bad
spell around when you turned 14 pretty
much an average life I moved around a
lot so I was able to make friends the
bad spell did just happen when I turned
14 and that's when things kind of got
different but as a child I was always
determined
I always knew what I wanted like I
wanted to go to Spelman since I was
about seven and I knew that I had goals
that that were bigger than them being an
astronaut or being being something of
the such I knew I wanted to do something
that that was gonna make a difference in
the world and like like I currently have
my goals and everything and then when I
turned 14 that's when I kind of just was
unsure myself and I was well I don't
know what to do I don't know if I'm
gonna do what I actually want to do I
don't know if I'm gonna go to the school
I actually want to go to so that's when
I all of the kind of negative thoughts
set in and crept in and I was able to
talk them out like through therapy and
everything and kind of just say well
this is hard for you and this is what
I'm going through you know I had so much
I had so many goals I wanted to
accomplish I had so much in me that I
just wanted to get out and spread and
from between the ages of like 14 to 17
it was really hard for me
lashing out and just not being the
question that I was destined to be okay
well that's interesting
firstly I think you've got a very wise
head for a 21 year old to be writing
down your goals and having such big
aspirations I know when I was 21 the
last thing I was thinking about was my
goals it was more about where's the next
pie or what we do tonight so it's nice
to know that obviously you yes you've
been through adversity during the period
of 14 to 17 but I think it's important
that we stress especially for the
listeners here that the importance of
goal-setting and this is something I
suppose I do now as a slightly older man
is writing down your goals because I
think there's a power when you write
down your goals and especially yourself
you knew that you wanted to spread
something else you knew you had these
goals where you really wanted to make a
difference in the world similar to what
I'm trying to do here in this podcast
could you share any of those goals if
you wouldn't mind yes so my main goal is
to actually open a chain of hotels
internationally I'm starting in Trinidad
and I want to do hotels because hotels
are not going anywhere
even with disruptors like Airbnb VRBO
and things of that nature
hotels are always gonna be around and
they can always adapt to fit onto
platforms such as Airbnb and hotels or
something that is that is gonna bring in
a lot of money and I and I need requires
financial stability because once the
hotel is thriving I'm gonna be able to
put some of that revenue back into the
community that the hotel is located in
about four to five percent of my revenue
from that hotel and then I also want to
take about six to eight percent of the
revenue and bring it back to communities
like the one I'm doing in New York or
some of the communities that I see
around Atlanta so that way I can create
economic stimulation in environments
where people don't really have all of
the resources they need so I want to
open up job centers recreation centers
and park so that everyone in a community
can benefit from this hotel that I have
rather than whether they're young or old
or unemployed or employ and just have
a backbone unity in the community the
type of community that I grew up in now
that's really my goal so that way so so
that way the community that I'm building
in is benefiting and in the community
where I came from is benefitting so that
there's no one left out that's so
inspiring
that's incredible I'm sitting here
smiling I mean I know you can't see yet
then really I'll just say there's one
ticket she caught me 21 just here and I
mean actually giving me goosebumps
because there's a couple of things
actually I want to touch on that so
firstly your awareness to the
marketplace so I'm a property investor
as well full-time so I also deal and
double in air B&B and book it calm so
the fact that you're aware of their
potential threats to the competition I
say as a hotel is fantastic I assume
you're going back to Trinidad because
that's where your roots are initially
I've had some friends from there and we
go at least once a year and visit and I
just heard such amazing things and I
know that the hotel industry is booming
over there especially with things like
carnival okay that's really interesting
and then the fact that you still want to
bring that back to where your current
community is right now and that's in New
York I believe yes communities that that
mean mmm I love that I love it it's it's
funny you said that actually because I
wrote I was doing when I'm a Instagram
post this morning now I always try and
say like inspirational motivational
stuff and a lot of the reasons I do that
it's kind of like must me talking to
myself if that makes sense so I'll throw
something out into the atmosphere and
it's kind of just me basically trying to
motivate myself in that moment if that
makes sense and one of the things I said
today was like I think it's an old quote
is be the change that you want to see in
the world and I just get that from you
that what you're trying to do is trying
to create this almost like a ripple
butterfly effect within your community
and I just think that's really really
inspiring and I'm sure people listening
to your story and watching you do these
amazing things which Tom I'm confident
you're gonna do I think it'd just be be
wonderful to see thank you thank you so
much absolutely so I'm quite eager to
find out about
people in terms of their routine and the
reason I'm very sort of focused on
routine is because I believe motivation
wears very thin in life and I think
discipline is very very important
especially if you want to achieve
substantial goals a bit like yourself so
could you just kind of give us a day in
the life of tiana and the kind of things
that you do maybe that younger people
listening to you now who maybe want to
follow your footsteps or take
inspiration from your story can perhaps
implement well so my daily routine I'm
away at school right now so I don't
really have to say anything day-to-day
but I do start my day the same way every
day and what I do is as soon as I open
my eyes I checked the time and once the
same prayer I say you know good morning
Donald thank you for putting life into
my body for breathing air into my lungs
for putting a beat into my heart and
then from that from there I go on I talk
to God about different things I want to
accomplish throughout the day I talk to
God about my friends about my family
only just different things just so that
I can maintaining and continue to
strengthen my relationship with God so
after that I get a find my clothes I
lived with my best friend on campus so
typically after I like get up and
stretch and everything I walk into her
room she thanks God for open your eyes
sister chat we talk it doesn't matter
about what we just talk and we get like
energy flowing happiness flowing going
and some marriages do my daily routine
to get ready and everything and then I
go outside and I I'm gonna mount us so
typically it's sunny I got outside and I
sit in the side for as long as I can
just so that I have energy from the Sun
just so that I'm happy because you know
it's like instant happiness
absolutely absolutely really so I make
sure I'm saying the Sun and I stand in
the specific spot on campus directly in
front of the stomach college mouse in it
and I talked to my friends they'll come
join me or something like that and then
I just go about my day and stay hydrated
doing random word when the finance
throughout the day I'm in my senior year
currently so a lot of my a lot of my
random data bank finance are things just
kind of the last-minute things I need to
graduate like different surveys I have
to do different checklists I have to
look at things like that
and I always make time to spend my
friend starts and then throughout the
day make sure I'm begging God throughout
the day and focusing on my goals like
whenever I lose sight of why I'm doing
something just say you know Tiana it's
bigger than this it's more than this so
course you know I just keep going just
keep going I love that I love it that's
so powerful I mean obviously your day to
day is gonna change once you fully
graduate and then you're going to
employment but I think there's certain
characteristics you've said there such
as your gratitude and your goals and
obviously that's probably through your
connection with God way sort of portray
those I think that's really really
important it's something that I've
started doing recently myself I wake up
every morning and I write three things
that I'm grateful for and then I will
look at my goals and I just think
especially in life when life doesn't
always go the way we planned just having
that rooted at the start of the day it's
only helps move us forward so I think
that's really really powerful that you
do that so when things are going bad
then if we just go back to that in that
period say for instance where you were
14 to 17 you were feeling lost slightly
off track I suppose in your life was
this gratitude element of your life
something that you kind of sidelined or
was she just very difficult with all the
toil more that was going on honestly it
wasn't there okay it wasn't there I was
just wake up go to school
jab court no drug therapy okay what I
have to do today is like I wanting it
for example a sophomore year and the end
of freshman year I played sports so I
was like can I even go to practice today
or do I have to do something else oh
great I have to do something else
perfect let me just tell coach I can't
make it again and there was just kind of
like frustration like you know I can do
this I have to do that alright I'm just
ready to go to bed I just want to go to
sleep juice like the only place I really
want it to be one school and there would
be points where I couldn't go to school
because I had to go to court or
something it's a I've to go to court or
maybe the doctor to get checked out or
something like that and all I wanted to
do was go to school I have a good time
with my friends and see my friends and
my favorite teachers okay okay that's
interesting so again something I just
want to pick out there the thing that
keeps you rooted now and so focused in
terms of achieving your goals was
missing during those four years yeah and
this is an important thing so I always
when I work with people I try and get
them to have some sort of good routine
ie through discipline so for example
working out staying hydrated being
grateful and I think these things
although they might seem tedious at
first if you let them slip by the
wayside life can kind of become a bit
chaotic and I know myself especially
when I'm up in the morning I try and get
these small wins in first thing in the
morning and that certainly helps me
I suppose tackle the day and I think
you've probably noticed that Nabal with
yourself as well yeah okay so just going
back to the whole 14 to 17 year old
common I graduated looking at where you
are now what would you tell a child who
may feel different who may recognize
that they're from or they've had to go
into kinship or foster care maybe
struggling through that level of
adversity would you give them any sort
of advice or is there anything that you
think you could perhaps recommend to
them so they don't really lose focus and
go down the path I suppose 97% of the
other people do where they kind of fall
back into the system again yes I
definitely have advice when you when you
start to feel yourself like becoming
somebody who you know you're not that's
when you got to step in and you got to
say you know what this is
me this is not who I am this is not how
I act and you have to really just catch
yourself you have to you have to be able
to take notice when you're changing and
from that point that's when you need to
start talking to yourself that's what
you need to start writing your goals
that's when you need to start planning
things and once you start planning and
once you start talking to yourself and
once you start talking to other people
as well that's when things are gonna
change you're gonna want to set goals
you're gonna want to have hope you're
gonna want to think long term one thing
that really helped me was thinking long
term I knew that I wanted to get to
Spelman and for for a few years I didn't
lose sight of stomach but once I
realized Spelman is where I want to be
and I know Stormin is right where I want
to be that's when I was able to get the
help I needed us and I was able to talk
to people and do exactly what I needed
to do to get this film and despite like
big years I've struggled in the years
that I didn't really have what it what
it took to get me to spell it I mean you
also gotta just be prepared because it's
very difficult it's difficult because it
seems like you're all alone it seems
like you're not you don't have anyone in
your corner you don't know what's going
on you don't know what's coming next but
you always have to have hope and you
have to have faith you have to doesn't
matter which God and pray to you have to
have faith in you have to try to
establish a relationship one thing that
I can say is I didn't really have a
relationship with God that day I really
didn't get such a strong relationship
with God until I got to college that's
amazing that's erm that's really useful
thank you for sharing that so there's a
couple of things I've just taken from
that is the first one is obviously
having hope or faith and I think you hit
the nail on the head there it doesn't
matter what God you believe in I think
just having faith in a better future in
a better circumstance or not an outcome
somewhere in the distant future is going
to keep you inspired and I think you
touched on it earlier as I when you said
Tiana this is bigger than you and I
think when you have a purpose that's
maybe slightly bigger than yourself that
can keep you going as well definitely
that's really really important but
another thing you touched on there and I
suppose I can relate to it to some
degree is when you said
feeling of being alone and I can relate
to children in the care system
especially within the UK because I feel
that do you feel that they're alone
sometimes and there might not
necessarily have that support network
and I assumed you obviously had a very
good network around you I know you said
you had good social workers you had a
life coach how was your friends or your
extended family within that time as oh
did you have a good community there as
well who served as my foster mom through
kinship care I had a great relationship
with her and with my grandmother and I
maintain the relationship my sister um
my extended family they didn't really
know too much about what was going on so
I did rely on my relationship with the
family that I had in New York and I rely
on the relationship with my therapist as
well you're probably fortunate that you
had that relationship there because your
network can determine your situation so
much if you've got a bad Network then
obviously you're almost destined for
failure I suppose yes yes okay so where
you are right now things are obviously
going the way that you wanted to you had
this dream from a seven-year-old that
you want to go to Spelman you had a
little bit of a wobble in between but
where you are right now you've picked
yourself back up you're now focused you
found God you find this new sense of
belief what in this current moment now
scares you I'm graduating in 33 days and
what scares me is that I won't be ready
I'm not prepared to go into this world
and live as an adult and handle
everything that comes along with being
an adult that's that's one of my biggest
fears right now I'm kind of I've been on
this campus for four years I'm kind of
scared of course no man has prepared me
for everything and they've given me the
lessons that I need to go anywhere but
I'm still afraid of what's waiting for
me outside of these gates beyond filming
and ex-kgb cable of course I plan for
this is my I'm trying to get out of here
I gotta graduate but there's next year
if something that's so unknown I've been
in school my entire life
and I'm leaving and starting somewhere
new I'm sorry fries I'm just I'm cutting
that that's my favorite I'm gonna fail
I've been waiting so long to get here
and I'm gonna leave the gates yeah
that's so interesting that you say that
because here you are having this dream
as a seven year old you know literally
on the cusp of you've achieved it you've
done it now all of a sudden you've got
this new sense of fear and I suppose one
that shows your vulnerability which i
think is it's nice that you're you're
displaying that because I think whatever
transition you go through in life it's
an element of growth and you can never
really be ready for growth so it is
daunting whether it's getting married
whether it's having a child or whatever
that particular circumstances but from
this very very short encounter with
yourself let me tell you something you
are a hell of a lot more intelligent
than I am I seem to do okay after I
graduated I went to university twice so
I went back to study my Social Work
masters again at transitions so your
emotional intelligence is fantastic I
think also you have an advantage and you
should always remember this is that the
life lessons that you've been through
even during that short period of time
from 14 to 17 to 21 it's built a level
of resilience in you that you may not
know that you have yet but I am
confident that if you continue your
faith in God and your spirituality and
you keep having these goals to produce
these incredible hotels in Trinidad you
will be absolutely fine you've got
nothing to be afraid of you're very very
intelligent thank you so much that means
so much hopefully in about six months
time I want to get a message from you
whether it's on Twitter or Instagram and
just tell me how easy is because I'm
sure you're gonna fly wherever you go
absolutely I'm looking forward to
hopefully we maybe get you back on as
well just to kind of see the word that
you're doing as well so that would be
fantastic as well absolutely so I
suppose we kind of touched on this next
part a little bit I'm always fascinated
by the way people think and one of the
things with myself is I have this crazy
thing where I motivate myself by
thinking about the worst things that can
ever happen
so I call it morbid nightmares and I
will wake up in the morning and I would
think of like
the worst thing that could possibly
happen and what that does is it kind of
shifts my ass into gear to go out there
and seize the day and really try and
make a difference try and help as many
people as I possibly can and really try
and leave nothing to chance
so that's just my kind of thing that
keeps me motivated what kind of things
in this current moment right now keep
you motivated to go out there and build
these hotels and then change the world
I'm not gonna get employment after
college so maybe I should get up so I
kind of use days where I'm kind of
slacking I don't know I gotta go to this
class because if you don't go to this
class then you're going to fail and if
you fail then you can't graduate if you
don't graduate you're letting your old
family down if you let your family know
you're still gonna be at Spelman for
another semester and somebody has to pay
for Spelman for another semester which
is not gonna it's not gonna fly with
anybody so I'm not yelling me didn't get
out of bed her name is MIA okay and
she's actually so when I was in kinship
care she was in the house as well she's
my daughter okay um and she's really
someone that keeps me going because
she's she looks up to me and she's one
of my favorite people in the world I
mean and I'm I'm really excited cuz she
actually let me want to spell me but I
see you know this shot is so bright and
I know that she looks up to me I know
this child is so destined for great news
my under sisters she's eight yeah it's
not setting you of course Oh
but my younger cousin is 17 and I got I
want to be there for her and I want her
to continue to look up to me I want her
to see me and say you know what that's
Fiamma this is my family I wanted to go
beyond what I'm doing I want her to be
better than me stronger than me and and
I just love her so much I just love that
so I've got three points I want to touch
on just from your answer there so the
first one is it's nice to know I'm not
the only person thinking of morbid
nightmares in the morning so there's you
and me there so that was fantastic
because it does really help I mean I
suppose some people have a
fight-or-flight response and knowing
your personality is probably similar to
mine that we have all these kind of
morbid nightmares or thoughts and then
all of a sudden we fight it as opposed
to running away from it so I think
depending on your personality I choose
which way to go the second thing is I'm
sure Mia is so proud of you and I'm sure
you're a great great role model to her
so you should be very proud of yourself
that you have someone who looks up to
you and I'm sure you're doing an
incredible job with that the last thing
that I really love that you said is
there's a brilliant quote and the quote
says they want you to do good but never
as good as them right and I I get that
because I see it so often within like
the industry and I suppose when you go
into corporate world or whatever you do
in life you're gonna you're gonna see
people who will help you up and in the
moment they might see you surpassing
them they will automatically either
switch off or their will their won't
help you as much if that makes sense and
it's beautiful thing that you want Mir
to be stronger than you to be better
than you because that's exactly how I am
with my siblings so my siblings are all
younger than me and my dream in life is
for them to have it all figured out by
the time they hit my age today and I
wanted more to be financially more
secure I wanted to be physically better
mentally better so it's just lovely to
hear somebody say that and hopefully if
Mia hears this back as well I sure know
how important she is to you as well yeah
absolutely yeah just don't start crying
I can imagine you getting emotional
about that's lovely
what we actually do now is we go into a
little bit of a fun part of this show so
if you're ready I'm gonna literally jump
straight into that we're gonna start in
three two one
what did you eat for breakfast water is
that it okay sorry doc the ability to
fly or be invisible your favorite
subject at school money your fame play
your proudest moment your favorite food
prayer words Netflix or YouTube Netflix
your number-one goal this year
favorite TV show ever would you rather
know how you would die or when you were
dying how your favorite hobby love or
money love books or movies if you could
sit with one person in the world for an
hour who would it be your worst fear as
a child being forgotten words what is
your biggest addiction my phone your
favorite place in the world that's
outside speak or languages will be able
to speak to animals if you could abolish
one thing in the world what would it be
and finally your favorite song ever um
it's called it's supposed to be a
favorite song okay okay I've not heard
that one but I've just written it down
so I check it out afterwards alright
I'll check it out anyway okay brilliant
so back to the interview part we've got
two more questions I would really want
to ask you so knowing exactly what you
know now Tiana with all the knowledge
and all the wisdom that you've acquired
in your short 21 years on this earth if
you could go back to a time let's use 14
as an example where things had just
started to take a turn probably for the
worst knowing what you know now and you
could whisper something to a younger
Tiana at 14 years old what would you say
I would tell her to keep fighting keep
fighting keep trying and I gave up for a
period of time so I would stress don't
give up just keep going you know as
as instead of finding Nemo just keep
swimming just keep swimming and I would
I would tell me that I'll say it's all
worth it it all works out and you just
have to keep going and keep pushing keep
striving I love it just keeps him in
Nemo style I love it okay brilliant
suddenly that actually brings us to the
last question and the last question I'll
again always ask my guess is if in 150
years time science fails to save us all
and all that is left is a book and this
book is about Tiana and it's about your
life and everything that you've achieved
all the wonderful hotels and everything
amazing that you've done in the world
firstly what would the title of the book
say and then secondly if the person was
to turn over to the back what would it
tell us about you I think the title
would be on the other side of adversity
or life not according to plan and the
blurb on the bag would kind of they
would talk about it would talk about my
greatness as opposed to like everything
that I've been through my struggle would
be such a small portion maybe two
sentences but I really want my story to
focus on not what what I was able to
accomplish and who I was able to help
and how my plan my businesses were able
to give back and create something in
various communities and multiple
communities across America I don't want
it to be this girl was in foster care
and she made it out and now this is what
she did I wanted to be Tiana bond will
help people Tiana bar wolf came that she
came back she gave back and she was she
was there hmm I don't want my story and
foster care to be the main focus in my
life I just love that I think that's so
so powerful and I think so many kids
from foster care or people that have
been through so much adversity probably
want the same thing so thank you for
sharing that actually because that's
what I think the world should have more
of but I think we're also in a society
where if you say TR and Obama came from
foster care and achieve this it kind of
sells more papers it gets more retweets
it gets more teaching
well I think is brilliant because just
thinking about this episode that we've
just recorded now it's been a very happy
inspiring episode and I'm very grateful
for you taking that approach as well and
steering the episode that way as opposed
to we could sit here we could cry about
the year of what it was like going into
kinship care for example but instead
what you said is this was a wobble in my
life you reflected on it you realized
this was the person that you wanted to
become the person that Tiana was meant
to become is kind of strive and do so
many more amazing things and you managed
to change that you change your habits
you went to university you're now
graduating and I just think I stand here
and I mean to be honest we're complete
strangers but I'm just very very proud
of how far you've come and once again I
think you're gonna do amazing things
thank you for sharing your story thank
you thank you so much for reaching out
thank you for giving me the opportunity
to come on podcasting and talk and you
know potentially touch so many people
who are in a place where I was
absolutely I think we should all
actually take one great lesson from what
you've just said is that we shouldn't
just look at people for their
circumstances or how they're positioned
in a family we should rather look at
their greatness that they already have
within them and I and I've tried to do
this with my siblings as well because
they all have their own unique skills
and like talents and I think you've
shared a very very valuable lesson there
so before I close the show Tiana what I
want to do is give people an opportunity
to maybe interact with you who have
followed this story who resonate with
your story to maybe follow you on
Instagram Twitter or whatever other
social media platforms that you use so
if you wouldn't mind could you please
share some of your platforms yes so my
Instagram is underscore CIA and a K V
underscore and my my Twitter underscore
TK V in Gigi okay fantastic what I will
do is actually take the exact addresses
and I'll put them into the show notes as
well so people can literally from the
episode click it and then follow you and
hopefully engage
via that I think also if you wouldn't
mind as well let's keep in touch because
if it's anything to do with real estate
I'm always interested in perhaps
investing or being a part of it and
again if there's any sort of social
enterprises or anything you want to do
socially I'd always try and find time to
try and make an impact on that as well
so certainly please do you keep in touch
I will I will definitely keep in touch
with you an amazing yeah yeah I thought
I always like to try and mix it up but
honestly I just want to say once again
thank you to you I want to also thank
the listeners at home thanks for
listening thank you and remember this
podcast is absolutely free so all we ask
in return is for you to share this with
a friend and drop us a five star review
over on iTunes have an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 17- "Wonderfulness of Life" - Louise Blyth #17 Part 2
Tagline: "Be the captain of your fate and master of your soul"
Louise Blyth, is an incredible lady who has experienced losing the love of her life, George Blyth tragically from cancer. With cancer now affecting 1 in 2 families it is a common occurrence so many of us face in our day to day life. But unlike any other story Louise world took a massive turn upon the sad death of her spouse and soul mate.
Experiencing a supernatural event during his last few days Louise beliefs, perceptions, outlook and whole world had been turned around where she found herself finding, what she describes as "the greatest love all of us could ever know"
A 2 part special episode, this incredible story does not lean on an emotional tale which will have you in tears of sadness, despite its tragic theme. Instead, tears of happiness seeing someone recover from grief and finding a bigger purpose and understanding of her being in the world takes over the story's narrative and leaves you feeling rather refreshingly happy that in such a sad circumstance someone can continue their life in a positive, fulfilling way.
Now a widow of 2 children, Louise has created The Wonderfulness of Life which focuses on, Happiness being a choice and a state of mind.
I am sure you will all agree this story truly warranted two episodes and if anyone can take anything positive away from this, it is to cherish all the moments we have with our loves ones and find blessings in whatever cards we are dealt in life.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Website: https://www.thewonderfulnessoflife.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/louise-blyth-207a7a49
Instagram: https://instagram.com/wonderfulness_of_life
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/louise.Blyth83
Have an awesome day
JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice I
am the host of the show so this is
actually the second part of a two-part
episode so if anyone has accidentally
stumbled across this episode first
please do go back and listen to part one
which was literally I a couple of
minutes ago now this episode is
incredible and I want to keep those who
have literally followed it from Part one
straight to this part keeping it in flow
so I'm gonna stop talking on the jump
straight back into it so Louise ended
the last episode by talking about how
she was in the presence of something she
described is almost supernatural so what
what happened at the point of his death
is I went from not believing in God to
believing in gods in the space of a week
and that has changed my life as much as
George's death has changed my life which
has in turn changed my daily practices
if that makes sense and my day is now
rooted in some practices around faith
because of that because I've never been
more certain that God exists say could
you elaborate on that I mean I've got no
problem missing out some of my pointless
questions because this is this is more
prevalent if you wouldn't mind so what
what would you like me to elaborate on
the which part of the story just to put
context into one interested in this
little bit in particularly I am an
atheist and the reason I say I'm an
atheist now is because I grew up as a
Sikh and I was very I say somewhat
religious and when I heard I had it in a
space of 18 months I lost seven people
66 family members and what and one
friend and I had a very similar outburst
in
private which have never cheat on Norma
where I had the kind of it was like it
was like when you shake about sorry
apologies I said when you shake a bottle
of coke and then all of a sudden tell
you you know whenever you talk about God
you always get interrupted that's so
funny that your favorite so good you
could touch a rafter with us so weird as
well because that's never happened in a
podcast previously yeah whenever you
talk about God you always get
interrupted Wow
for me my logic is just simple it's
stick to science and it's if there was a
god then kids wouldn't suffer kids
wouldn't just be killed there wouldn't
be all this horrible stuff happening in
them and I've kind of justified it that
way but I just want to bring this
straight back to you yeah so like I said
you know I was an atheist I didn't
believe in God I didn't think God was
real I thought that you know so I've
obviously grown up in the UK where I've
been to school where I've learnt Bible
stories so I knew some of the Bible
stories I knew about Jesus but I didn't
think Jesus was the son of God I thought
Jesus was a good guy from you know two
thousand years ago he'd done some great
things and maybe over time his his his
achievements have maybe kind of been
exaggerated is how I it's genuinely how
I looked at you know the gospel in the
New Testament and you know religion
wasn't something that featured in my
life at all so the very fact that I felt
I felt like I had nowhere else to turn
was and the fact that I tend to God I
mean I can't still explain what it was
logically that made me do that because
at that point in time I wasn't my brain
wasn't working in a logical way it was
all based on heart not on head if that
makes sense in terms of the actions that
I was that was undertaking but what what
then led me to believe that God was real
was incredibly powerful so essentially
and I'm really mindful now that I'm not
going to do this survey at this story
it's justice which is why I'm writing
the story down because essentially what
happened was I was introduced to
somebody who I didn't know through a
really really good family friends who
asked if they could pray for Joe
which you kind of go okay that's not
that weird that's that's that's not that
odd but what happened was and what and
what I've realized since I picked it is
that that introduction came after I'd
made this cry so after I'd made this cry
this family friend got in touch with me
and said look I've met this girl and she
seems to be like a really devout
Christian and she didn't she's she
thinks that maybe there's some level of
of healing prayers that we can do for
George now what I didn't know at that
point in time was their healing is you
know central to all of the stories of
what what Jesus did in the New Testament
so obviously Jesus did a huge amount of
miraculous things which I always talk
about to get my head around like this
how can this person be doing all these
things okay but there's a lots of
stories in the New Testament where Jesus
heals people who have paraplegic who are
blind who have bled for 12 years all
these different things so healing is
essential to Jesus and the way in which
Jesus can work and again I knew non of
this and this girl had offered to pray
for isn't and offered prayers of healing
and at this point in time I'm literally
like I'll take anything I'll take any
one course to give us anything we were
so desperate and again to cut a really
really long story short we ended up in a
situation when George was quite
literally on his deathbed and it was it
was hideous our and like he was he
declined incredibly quickly so again I
don't want to sort of put fear into
people's heart because this is a story
of beauty but you have to understand the
pain that he was in to be able to
understand the beauty and the miraculous
of what happened because he was in an in
an inordinate amount of pain so he
basically after that day when I went out
and told me he wasn't gonna die anytime
soon
a few days later was admitted to
hospital and just went downhill day
after day after day and it was it was
disgusting to have to watch him I mean
he he was in he couldn't eat he couldn't
drink because his liver was so enlarged
it was basically pushing against his
esophagus and his stomach and pushing
kind of bile out of his mouth 24 hours a
day which I'm really mindful that this
is kind of like quite Gorian quite
brutal but it was awful I mean this this
was a man that was that was broken in
front of me you know the guy that had
eight weeks before
go to Paris and I and I was kinda like
whereas my husband like whom is he like
he looked he looked like death like his
cheeks will concave he was so weak he
was crying the whole time he his mum set
with him in the hospital because he was
absolutely terrified to be left alone it
was it was every parts again you know if
you think of sort of movies and stories
it was all of what you've seen on TV and
in a film around what you think it's
gonna be and worse I literally just felt
numb sitting on watching him and I
wanted to this is gonna sound really
awful as well I wanted to put him down
so I I remember I had never been a
believer in euthanasia and actually I'm
not now because of my spiritual beliefs
I'm not a believer in euthanasia but at
that point in time he was so ill but I
remember just being in the hospital
thinking this is horrendous there must
be something that someone can do how is
this okay yeah human can sit here in
this much mental and physical pain that
this is not alright of course so and
that and that also led me to keep
looking into other things and I was
looking at like I actually looked at
could I even like get him in my car and
drive him to Switzerland where there's a
euthanasia clinic oh yeah I even looked
at that one point it was so desperate so
in amongst all of this absolute
desperation this kind of narrative with
God continued and this girl who I didn't
know who had met a friend basically
offered to come and pray with us in
Nottingham so she came all the way from
London on the train for the day ask for
nothing
and I met her in the in the canteen of
the hospital and I remember so nervous
meeting her as I thought oh my god is
she gonna be at one of these really
weird religious fanatics like is she
gonna kind of try and brainwashers is
she is she a bit odd she can ask me for
money these are all of the thoughts that
I had in my head and I remember I sat
with her and I said to have really
really once believed in the healing and
sort of stories and and powers that
you're speaking of I just I've got to be
honest with you like I don't really
believe in God I just don't think that
God's be all like her just think it can
be and she she had a Bible out and she
she held my hand and she just said to me
look you know
I've got enough face for his face like
don't you don't need to worry about that
like just relax like I can carry you
like I can believe for you and I can
believe for George is what she said to
me which literally felt like someone had
lifted this way because I felt like I
was lying a little bit as well kind of
thing I can try to pretend that I
believe in this thing I don't know
anything it might in case it might work
you know so that day we prayed in George
is really in which again I probably
don't have the time to tell you all of
the detail of what happened but this
girl who came and prayed is now a really
really good friend is something called a
prophetic Christian and that means that
basically they can hear God in a way
that not maybe everyday person can and
they can hear really really clear things
from God sometimes absolutely
crystal-clear messages like what your
bank account number might be just a sort
of prove a point you know and it is at
the time I remember they're thinking
this is odd this is like psychic
mediumship I'm not really sure how I
feel about this so we did these really
really beautiful prayers with her and
then during the prayers basically she
she said look I've got a word for you
and at this point in time I was like how
do you know where it is like you know
what's word so I've got a letter for you
from God and I remember wanting to laugh
out loud and it was this black comedy
moment because my husband sat on a bed
dying and I'm there with this girl I've
never met before who's praying and
telling me that I've got a word which is
basically a letter that she's written to
me from God and I was sat there thinking
you know this girl's off her rocker you
know this is absolutely mental but
honestly Orin what was written in these
letters so she'd written a letter to me
and she'd written a letter for George
and what was written in these letters or
was just so us it was someone the new
our hearts it wasn't it wasn't someone
that had looked me up on Facebook or
Instagram and gone oh you Louise and
you've lived in Windsor and you've lived
in France and you you've worked here and
you've got two kids it was things about
me small details that I thought
inconsequential that God knew it was my
heart he spoke to my heart that day so I
was amazed the word that was written for
George was equally as amazing and then
there was sort of several things that
happened after that maiming so we walked
of that room and after that moment when
she came and prayed in the room
the-the-the sort of atmosphere in the
room tangibly changed and it wasn't it
was the it was the sort of spiritual
atmosphere if that makes sense it kind
of went from feeling dark and heavy to
full of life of an openness and I I was
just on my knees literally exhausted and
I remember saying to carrying that I
just love what you've done I don't know
how you've done it but you have bought
some peace and it was it was tangible
the creep the peace that she brought on
that day because it was the first time
that I'd seen George sort of soothed if
that makes sense in all of the
medication and everything that you've
been given so I just kind of said to her
like we maybe need to do a bit more of
this she said to me but you can pray you
can learn how to pray like they're going
I can't pray I don't even think I
believe in God I don't know how you pray
like what do I do with my hands how do I
stand
what do I say like I don't know how to
do this you're gonna have to find me
someone else that knows what they're
doing
and basically what then happened was the
next day I went into the hospital after
that night when I went home and put my
kids to bed and done all the other live
things I still had to carry on doing I
tried to pray for the first time and I'd
really struggled and I couldn't do it I
was like this just feels like I'm a
complete fraud I'd tried to kneel down
in my bathroom I remember like kneeling
down in my bedroom and putting my hands
together and I'm thinking what do I say
I can't do this this is already odd and
then the next morning I got up went to
the hospital at all walked into the
hospital and that morning when I went in
George was laid on his bed and the Sun
was beaming into the room like onto his
face and he's laying with his arms open
and he looked at me and he smiled and he
said to me no he's what they're giving
me I feel amazing
I just feel amazing and I just started
to cry but I knew in that moment that he
hadn't been given anything and I went
and spoke to the nurse and the nurse
looked at all of his you know details
and said he's not had anything he had
some morphine at 1:00 a.m. it was now
like 11:00 in the morning and she was
like it was enough morphine to maybe
last him a couple of hours he's
definitely not had anything so I went
back to his room and I didn't say to him
you haven't had
because I kind of thought I don't want
him to know that he hasn't had anything
if he thinks that the effort that he's
had is making people better I just
didn't want to sort of distract him from
the absolute peace that he'd
miraculously found and he literally laid
on the bed that day and just said to me
it's all gone the pain is gone
the fear is gone we'd had these
heartbreaking conversations the day
before before this this girl had arrived
to complain with us about what we did
with the kids like to be bringing the
kids in to come and see him to say
goodbye and it was probably this sounds
really awful it was less than the kids
but it was more for him because we knew
that our children was so little that
they wouldn't remember it and he and he
was really emotional about that because
he just didn't think he had the strength
to say goodbye and he didn't think he
could do it and he said to me I just I
don't he said that everybody is here now
with me you know and honestly he wasn't
the kind of person that spoken this they
already he was not a spiritual guy like
he layed on this bed so at peace and
said to me everything now is in my heart
the boys are here my love for you is
here my love all of my family is here
and it's like a bright burning ball of
energy that's never gonna go and I was
just I was absolutely overwhelmed
because I remember thinking who is this
person that's laid here because this is
my husband but it's not my husband and I
really liked what he was saying to me
was completely the tree so I knew that
he believed it you could see it
physically in his body and that that
then propelled me to go okay there's
something in what we've done here this
prayer whatever this prayer thing is
it's worked there's something in it that
we've got to do more of it maybe this
can help him and that triggered me then
to start writing letters to God so I'd
already been writing letters to George
because I've mentioned earlier I was
seeing a psychologist and she'd said to
me look like how do you communicate I
said look I like to ride she said why
she can write write write about the
trauma journal about it and I'd been
writing letters to George every day in
hospital all the things that were on my
heart that I wanted to tell him that he
didn't have the energy to hear because
he was so sick but I needed to kind of
let bubble out of my system so that that
that night I went home and I wrote my
first prayer to God and then what what
ensued was every time I prayed and wrote
a letter the girl in London who I didn't
really know who that well at the exact
moment that I would finish praying would
write a response so she'd write back and
it would be like it would be a response
to the prayers that I wrote and she
didn't know that I was writing them it
was just the most unbelievably beautiful
story so we had this you know we had
George laying on his death bed in this
state of peace in this state of perfect
bliss and he was quoting scripture okay
so George never read the Bible or
anything and he was talking to me about
perfect love which is alone for John in
the gospel and so we had that going on
so we had the sort of miraculous bodily
visible you know George George has gone
from being in pain to being at peace I
had this girl that I didn't know who was
somehow supernaturally connected and in
sync with me responding to my prayers
every time I it was like that old Tom
Hanks movie you've got mail I write I
write I write on my iPhone I ordered mr.
for my notes on my iPhone and every time
I literally press turn on the top of my
top right while I faint screen I'd get a
text it would be just like you know
scripture responses words that gotta
push you is used to frame as this is
what God's put on my heart so that
happened and then there was just this
unbelievable
presence in the room that everybody was
drawn to sit everybody at the hospital
was drawn to George's room which I now
know was the sort of you know what would
call in Christianity the Holy Spirit it
was the Holy Spirit was there it just
was pulsating through the room and what
what I find interesting now is that I
know that we all actually recognize that
if that makes sense but we don't realize
that we recognize it because it is in us
we just don't know it and and everyone
who was there you know some people were
religious some people weren't but
everybody knew there was something going
on if that makes sense that the only
universal recognition was that there's
something bigger at play here at the
hospital you know they said to me after
George died like we wish everyone could
die in this way like we
we could document it and process it so
everyone could have this des nurses were
coming in on their days off to sit with
him and just be with him because
incredible presents were so calming it
led to a great friendship that I've made
with a with a pastor of a church and not
something that we now go to every week
as he he was basically the person that
then came and prayed with us every day
because I had sort of said to this girl
in London you're gonna have to find me
someone to pray with because I knew my
friends I wasn't a person he was
religious and so yeah it was just the
way I frame it to people is I lost the
love of my life but I've gained the
greatest love all of us can ever know
and it was just so incredibly beautiful
and I'm still trying to pick the story
two years later and question you know
how why you know what does this mean all
of those are the things but ultimately
all I know is that God is real and God
is good and you know Jesus is real too
you know all of the stories that happen
in the Bible now I have now I've got
this understanding of the supernatural
that I saw in that hospital room I can
read those stories with the lens of
acceptance that I never had before and I
understand them and get that they did
happen and but I think we just I think
in the society that we live in now we
want everything to be like Amazon Prime
timelines you know and actually what
I've also very knows is that the timings
of the supernatural and the holy spirit
are just not linked to earthly timing so
you know I can never answer questions
like you know why did you need seven
people in a row why did I lose my
husband and then three months later his
mother died she dropped dead and
simultaneously to my husband dying my
dad was diagnosed with stage four cancer
you know says we it wasn't like life was
beautiful on any show yeah it really
wasn't but what I did what I do you
think I'm what I do maintain is there
you know cancer is not god-given and if
you look for God he's always there even
in the bad situations but the bad
situations are not always given by God
you know like it's man's got three will
right and some
and the way in which we behave in in the
world that we now live in is driven by
all three well it's not driven by God
because he made us that way so yeah Wow
got goosebumps yeah just a remarkable
story this gonna be in your novel yeah
this is gonna be in my novel and what
would be amazing so I'm actually doing
some edits at the moment so I'm hoping
to get the book out this year that's the
last thing so it would be it would be
really cool to like speak again might
wants the books available so I can say
to people yeah because there's so
there's such steps is the story on save
me levels and I also I'm hugely mindful
there you know like I I like they say I
can't believe what's happened to me
because I kind of look at it and go what
why like why was all of this way it went
for us but it was and it is and I just
now feel really strongly about the fact
that I have to do something with this
tale and with this story you need to
raise awareness of cancer to raise
awareness of what it is to live with
cancer that it isn't the end of your
life to raise awareness of the fact that
death is it's gonna be something that
happens to all of us and could be the
most unbelievably beautiful experience
you ever ever imagined and they're also
you need death is at the end and that
God's God is real and God is here for
you and and loves you but I also
recognize that just because I say that
doesn't mean that I can impart that
belief into life yeah I mean your your
truth is your truth and everyone's got
their own kind of truth I'm always open
to anything really I mean you've said
some certain things there that make
obviously make me think because from a
spiritual perspective I have sinned and
I have tail as many of them of stuff
similar oh yeah I'm absolutely in
cheering my spiritual stuff and even
like in terms of psychics and mediums
and I'm going to find a tangent here but
I do believe in that supernatural power
I suppose or just the whole the fairy
tale story of this person just one
person they're kind of I don't know
maybe I've just got the wrong image of
of God when I said it you knew what they
were and I think that that's the case
like I think go back to the point that
you made earlier about we have this
vision of our life should all be very
tom
kostik and we meet the dream partner and
we get the dream house and we get the
dream kids and we do things by certain
ages and I think we're all for whatever
reason book to believe that God is a
person on the cloud somewhere and I mean
I'm no theological expert you know I'm
two years into my journey of faith and
I'm still understanding the Bible and
getting my head around there and what
that means to me and how I live my life
but equally I kind of go it's not the
way that I ever thought it was if that
means I should be passionate about
because I kind of have now reflected on
my life because of everything that's
happened and gone well I mean what God
was actually there the whole time
I just didn't know him I didn't know no
I didn't know how he worked I didn't
know how he communicated I mean I if I'm
honest as a feminist have a huge beef
with the fact that he's always referred
to as a man I mean I'm not I'm not
disputing that Jesus Jesus was a man
okay but but God you know God is what he
is and that's what it says in the Bible
like he is not man he's not woman he he
is what he is and but he is called a he
because of the time in which the Bible
was written which is when you know men
ruled the world not in the way that not
that the hopefully not yeah there's a
certain but you said that you lost the
greatest love of your life or you did
then find the greatest love that we
could all will ever know and I just yeah
I was so powerful food for thought for
me absolutely because there are that I
think I think we could know how you
mentioned in that room and I was kind of
imagining like almost like watching a
film you know when you see him you Jobs
and then the sun's beaming and then
we've all probably had that feeling of
euphoria with this dis just isn't normal
life let's something else is here yeah
and I get that and if anything is weird
because although I sometimes say okay I
don't believe in God anymore
I believe in every other thing like all
these miraculous character things so
it's kind of okay maybe again is just my
language that I use language because I
find that so fascinating and I could
talk to you for hours just on that and
some of this stuff I've seen people do
like how you mentioned he was speaking
Scripture and stuff I've seen people
speak a different language that they've
never heard of yeah yeah yeah what
yeah yeah yeah is amazing Wow I'm just
I'm just so happy that it's such an
unfortunate circumstance that you've
managed to find some level of happiness
yeah life life can be found in there
like it really really and I I feel like
I've been given a second chance at life
through my husband's death which is so
desperately sad and you know my greatest
wish is that I could have this
perspective with him by my side but for
whatever reason it wasn't meant to be
that way and I'll only ever know that
reason when I am living and having with
him you know so and until then I have to
live the best life I can and the
happiest life I can for me and my
children because that's all he wanted
for us and that's what God wants for us
too so I just kind of go you know what
it's my choice you know I can choose for
this to be miserable and this can break
me or I can choose for it to make me and
I know how to do this let it make you
and let it also inspire you to share
your story with as many people as
possible yeah with the perspective you
have so yeah yeah that's fantastic Wow
okay fantastic this is actually gonna be
my first ever tea pot podcast because I
it was almost too good for me to kind of
quit off so I'm gonna actually make it a
two part show okay I think we could fit
everything in two parts as well and yes
it's fantastic so you're actually the
first ever two-part show and it's been
worth it honestly yeah could just
resonate with so many things I'm sure
they listen as well as well yeah so
adversity I think we've definitely hit
that yeah I'll on the head there a
million times over and I'm done like I
said early I'm just so happy that you're
in a much better place now what now then
now that you've found God and you've
you've almost found this new perspective
I suppose what scares you now my biggest
fear is not being able to live a faith
filled life so I I fear that I won't
that something may happen that imbalance
is this faith because actually I feel
like with my faith I can and nothing
scares me
does that make sense my biggest fear
would be to not for whatever reason to
not believe in God anymore absolutely
because of what you believe God has
given you yeah and God has for ISM for
all of us so I kind of feel like with
God by my side I don't fear anything
feel invincible I'm not so not to say
that it wouldn't be difficult and
incredibly painful and all of those are
the things but I know that God would be
with me but if for whatever reason I
lost God or I lost my connection with
God that that's my greatest fear now to
not not have that okay I understand that
okay and in terms of so your motivation
I suppose we kind of touched on it
earlier in terms of persevering and
going forward is that now to kind of
share your message further and try and
enlighten other people yes and why I
suppose my purpose now is to is to share
my story so I always say to people I
don't wish the circumstances that I have
found myself in upon anyone it's been
hell to live through but what I do wish
is the perspective if it's given me and
I realize that I've always been like
this fast track version of life yeah so
because I've had something so bad happen
to me it's maybe meant that it's
exploded in a way that's been so good
does that make sense yeah yeah maybe
think about the situation logically and
what I'm hugely mindful of and I know
I've said this already is I don't expect
that other people I mean you're gonna
come to faith with the same power and
passion that I have but for me if people
listening to my story and hearing me
talk about what I've lived through can
make them maybe think about how they
behave with people that they know with
cancer differently or lean in and help
them better or think about what they can
do to build their resilience muscle or
ultimately think about is there more
like what what isn't this life like why
am I here are you I mean ultimately you
know if I'm talking in corporate
language you know like my ultimate
optimum success would be that people
find God nutri through hearing my story
and then it kind of sparking a journey
of interest in themselves and kind of
wanting to to sort of know more and
understand more but I think there's
loads of other stuff that it could spark
for them as well so for me it's kind of
wanting to share the sadness of what's
happened to me to make people realize
they're you know there's so much life to
be lived and you've got so much more in
your tank than you ever know that you've
got until you have to be in a situation
where you're forced to use it so
yeah that's fascinating that's why you
were saying that Episode five Ashley
Nixon I think you're really really resin
L not I'm not trying to give you money
Felicity yeah he was a boxer yeah and he
found God yeah look I've shared it with
all of my it's incredible because that
one yeah okay like I said I mean I'm
here saying I don't necessarily believe
in God but that episode was so powerful
that I remember I mean I didn't put it
in the actual episode where I was
actually like screaming kind of like I
get it I get where you're kind of saying
you know how you see put in the church
and they're all like yeah yeah yeah yeah
I'm kind of getting that now with
yourself and I'm just thinking they're
encouraging I think not be a great
connection as well because I know he's
doing fantastic things I think he might
be up north now he's working yeah he's
not really on social media which but
he's just such a beautiful soul yeah
anything yeah what we're gonna do now
we're actually gonna just completely
flip the script
okay go into a segment of the show that
I just put in here just for a little bit
of fun and this is people obviously know
you now in terms of your story and
everything but I know there's also you
know just a little fashion stuff that
they could probably play from just
knowing so you ready yeah I'm ready okay
we're gonna go in three two one
okay what did you eat for breakfast
shreddies and granola the ability to fly
or be invisible be invisible money or
fame fame so I could impact people's
thoughts your proudest moment can I have
to both both of my boys face am i
achieve all those face of my boys your
favorite food
Oh chocolate Netflix our YouTube net
legs okay your number one goal this year
to publish my book to your coffee tea
your favorite sport oh gosh I don't have
a favorite sport to watch I'd probably
say tenants okay so you participate in
oh I don't really do sport I do I like
like sir
Jim can we call that a sports boys'll
why not there's no rules here fantastic
okay if you can sit with one person in
the world for an hour who would it be
Jesus your worst fear is a child Oh
probably something to do with snakes I
really don't like snakes they scare me
your favorite place in the world lake in
New Zealand South Island of New Zealand
sounds amazing speak our languages we'll
be able to speak to animals speak all
the languages if you could have punished
one thing in the world what would it be
poverty would you rather than on how you
would die or when you were they how or
when I probably say when because I think
the power of being able to say goodbye
is unbelievable and it's interesting
actually because I remember someone
asked me this question before George
died and I always just said I wouldn't
want to know I just want to be shot and
actually what I would say to people now
is it's just so unbelievably powerful
and to have the opportunity to say
goodbye and even though it's sad it's so
so healing to be able to do it say that
I think you know when you're gonna die
so you can prepare for it emotionally
financially is a huge blessing yeah
absolutely I think we're gonna leave it
there and I think that's it that's a
great that you said because I think with
death it's more the uncertainty and than
the shock of it that really just throws
people into a whole whirlwind yeah yeah
we're almost at the end of the show no
sadly just got two more things I want to
ask you and I think this would be an
interesting answer from yourself because
it's about reflection and I'm not used
to turn it easier how you wish you had
your perspective when George was around
so my my view is always the same
hindsight you know it's a wonderful
thing we can obviously learn ways where
we can get to places quicker easier with
less heartache but like yourself which
I'm sure you'll agree it teaches us so
many lessons yeah access to people that
we are so knowing exactly what you know
now if you could go back and take
yourself back to a younger Louise you
can choose whatever age you wish what
would you what would you whisper in your
younger selves is I'd whisper in my ear
you're loved
God is real he's for you he has a plan
for you he's with you and he wants you
to surrender to him in a way that only
is right for you I love that I think
obviously because your experience with
God knows if you were able to have that
then yeah yeah absolutely yeah
suddenly were actually at the last
question now and again this is a
question ask all of my guests I'm always
interested to kind of know how people
want to be remembered and I'm always
eager to get as many people to share
their stories as possible because at the
end of the day I truly believe nobody
really wants to be forgotten and I think
we've all got a story out there so if we
say in 150 years time science fails to
save us and all that is left is a book
and this book is by yourself and it's on
the table and you've got a I suppose
kind of make people want to pick it up
so what firstly would the title say and
secondly the blurb at the back of it
what would it tell us about yourself
well this is easy re because I'm right
looking I want to write more than one
book so the series the series of my book
would be called the wonderfulness of
life and which is actually a name that's
taken a lot of letter it's a name that's
taken from a letter that George wrote
and before he died reflecting on the
wonderfulness of life the first book
would be called he heard my cry and
that's the story that I've sort of told
in part today so if we take that first
book which is the book I'm hoping to
it's obviously kind of published this
year and that story is a true story
about love's exploding into my life a
moment when I was least expecting it and
you would maybe say that I was like
Bridget Jones meeting God tragic about
that backdrops and it's the tale of how
I was gifted a front-row seat to a
real-life miracle the tale of how I lost
the love of my life that gained the
greatest love we can all ever know and
it's a tale that I hope and wish will
impact the thinking of a generation wow
I love that
a real-life miracle yeah it's a
brilliant tagline just in relation to
your book and I'll keep jumping back to
this are you gonna be releasing an
audible version I haven't even got that
far that's a good idea
I'd like to yeah like I'm just being
selfish here because if I read pages
from a book I'm asleep within three
seconds so I listen to a lot of my stuff
i podcast and I would take that as a
sign are you amazing please do that I
think you're being credible and just
before you leave then I'd like to put in
the show notes obviously for people to
be able to contact you and then yeah
hopefully by them contacting you can
obviously keep them up to date with the
release of the novel but then I'd love
to get you back as well
closer to that release or after you've
released it as well because I just you
know this is an incredible inspiring
remarkable story I think you're
fascinating the way you've you just
found this bliss and I can hear it from
your voice all the way through because I
was expecting and I'm quite an emotional
person to get choked up during this
interview mm-hmm if anything you're
making me just I've just been smiling
just hearing it although there's a sad
element to the story it's just almost I
just feel I just feel happy for that so
if you caught my husband used to always
say say be sad but she was happy yeah he
always she's happy I love that yeah yeah
so if you could just give us where the
listeners can find yourself yeah I say
the best the best place to find me is
probably on Instagram so I'm on
Instagram as wonderful nurse underscore
of underscore life so it's wonderfulness
of life the two underscores I have got a
website that it's being built at the
moment and and yeah I'm also on Facebook
as Louise Bligh is but I post on
Facebook cause wonderfulness of life and
that's kind of my reflections on life I
suppose and the wonderfulness that we
find in in every day in everyday joy you
know so it's me talking about how I you
know I think it's an invitation to come
and see life through my eyes almost
certainly I didn't knew this afternoon
as well when I get back from my next
meeting I'll add that all in the show
knows and once
or website is sell and please do let me
know because what I can do is go back
into the show notes and edit it because
these episodes they get listened to all
sorts of weird and wonderful it's just
not it is www.hs wonderful nurse of life
calm I think computer I think that's it
my it's there there's a holding page
there and there's a picture of me it's
linked to my Instagram but it's not got
all the content on it at the moment but
if you put that on it is it will take it
will take you somewhere to me and you
can send me a message that I'll get on
that as well so fantastic ok so this has
actually been our first ever two-part
episode thank you thank you thank you
honestly thank you so much for sharing
your story I'm sure it's gonna resonate
with so many people it's been an
absolute pleasure for the listeners as
well thanks for listening oh you're so
welcome
and remember this podcast is absolutely
free so all we ask in return is for you
to share this with a friend and drop us
a five star review over on iTunes have
an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 17- "Wonderfulness of Life" - Louise Blyth #17 Part 1
Tagline: "Be the captain of your fate and master of your soul"
Louise Blyth, is an incredible lady who has experienced losing the love of her life, George Blyth tragically from cancer. With cancer now affecting 1 in 2 families it is a common occurrence so many of us face in our day to day life. But unlike any other story Louise world took a massive turn upon the sad death of her spouse and soul mate.
Experiencing a supernatural event during his last few days Louise beliefs, perceptions, outlook and whole world had been turned around where she found herself finding, what she describes as "the greatest love all of us could ever know"
A 2 part special episode, this incredible story does not lean on an emotional tale which will have you in tears of sadness, despite its tragic theme. Instead, tears of happiness seeing someone recover from grief and finding a bigger purpose and understanding of her being in the world takes over the story's narrative and leaves you feeling rather refreshingly happy that in such a sad circumstance someone can continue their life in a positive, fulfilling way.
Now a widow of 2 children, Louise has created The Wonderfulness of Life which focuses on, Happiness being a choice and a state of mind.
I am sure you will all agree this story truly warranted two episodes and if anyone can take anything positive away from this, it is to cherish all the moments we have with our loves ones and find blessings in whatever cards we are dealt in life.
Thanks for listening
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Website: https://www.arendeu.com
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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Links to guest:
Website: https://www.thewonderfulnessoflife.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/louise-blyth-207a7a49
Instagram: https://instagram.com/wonderfulness_of_life
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/louise.Blyth83
Have an awesome day
JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so before I begin this
announcement I just want to say a
massive massive massive thank you to
every single one of you who have
listened to this show I also want to say
a massive thank you to anyone who has
previously listened to his show and left
a review because it's your reviews that
I've helped us get into the news and not
worthy on iTunes now this is no small
feat this is actually an incredible
achievement and the more I research it
they're more proud I actually feel but
more importantly I'm so proud of my
guests and I'm so grateful that they
were able to share their journey but I'm
also so happy to have such loyal
listeners like yourselves to really
support this movement and that's exactly
what it is it's a movement it's about
trying to inspire people try and put a
positive beacon of light into the world
and really try and get everyone to live
their best life combat their excuses and
really change their perception and
mindset so without rambling on too much
we have a really really exciting
two-part episode coming up for you now
now this is actually our first ever
two-part episode and conscious of your
time which is obviously our biggest and
most important commodity I'm gonna jump
straight into this one okay so I just
want to start by thanking Louise for her
time and coming onto the show today to
share her story which I'm sure you're
all gonna find absolutely inspirational
so Louise how are you doing today
I'm good thank you I'm good fantastic
fantastic so I just want to say thank
you I appreciate you and I'm really
looking forward to this one so this was
actually a recommendation from somebody
else you may have
one heard previously on a podcast it's
episode number fourteen and it's my bet
daily Rylan it's something that I urge
all of you to check out because it was
actually within the first four hours it
got the most number of listen
straightaway so it's a great hit and I'd
recommend you all going back to that
however moving on now we have another
fantastic guest in Lewis so Louise I
think it's really important for the
listeners to understand your story and
understand a little bit about yourself
as well if you if you wouldn't mind if
you could just kind of give us an
insight into yourself a little bit about
your journey and what basically brings
you here today yeah no worries so and if
I'm completely honest I never thought
three even four years ago that I would
be someone that would be sat being
interviewed on a podcast talking about
the subject that I'm going to bring to
the table today which is loss
bereavement and life after living
through sort of that kind of trauma so
so my story is from nottingham from
robin hood that's where i kind of grow
up grew up and spent my childhood had a
fantastic childhood my parents really
sort of put myself over the first I was
kind of one of those people at school
that was not really super cool but also
I hope not too much of a mega geek and
you know you did did the normal stuff
kind of growing up going into nightclubs
probably too young being carried out of
nightclubs after having drink too much
so my friends before say probably too
young and went away to university at 18
where I studied French and actually
lived abroad for a year when I was 19
which was quite young and that was I
suppose my first experience if I'm being
brutally honest of life if that makes
sense so in terms of really realizing
things around loneliness relationships
being able to kind of go it alone and do
things for yourself because essentially
when you're on your own in a foreign
country you have no one else to rely on
other than yourself and I and so that
was that was really really kind of big
experience in my life and graduated in
in 2006 probably like many so you really
expect it about what life had to offer
me and had one of these huge plans
around what I thought I was gonna be and
what car is thought I was gonna drive
and what house I wanted to have hadn't
met kind of anyone special at that point
there's been a few a few boys but no one
who'd kind of really made me sort of sit
up and take notice and in 2006 I was
accepted on to a training scheme a
graduate training scheme and that was
kind of a supposed to start of where my
life really really started to change so
I I started there in September and on my
first day in fact before my my first day
on the induction day I met George who I
would fall in love with and marry so we
were part of a group of about 30 people
he will join together and we had a great
time it was like being at university you
know me we were there training together
living together all became really really
great friends but he was the guy that
kind of more than anyone else you know
was not never first I on any level I you
know I remember thinking oh my gosh this
guy's so confident you know he's really
sort of sure of himself but we just
became really great friends and we used
to would talk all the time and then it
was that that Christmas so this is the
September when we started our job and it
was that Christmas when we actually kind
of had our first kiss so he'd he'd
really really raison he said when he
first were in the business oh well I'm
gonna be I'm gonna be in Edinburgh so
I'm gonna have a hub burn a party and
we're all gonna come to Edinburgh and
have this holiday party and I remember
thinking oh my god who is this guy like
they're so confident
so anyway true to his words you know
four months later there we all were sort
of twenty or so others at his flat in in
Edinburgh and that's kind of where
George and I had our first kiss
New Year's 2006 2007 and after that you
know my life my life changed in an
instant I know for people that are
listening that of maybe you know you've
met someone that they know that they
won't spend the rest of their life with
when you meet that special person you
know really it is everything that you've
ever hoped for it is kind of like the
movies and the songs
and it's it's truly beautiful it's a
really amazing experience and we knew we
knew from the outset that we had
something special I think that often you
do you know it was more than just a
friendship it was a kind of deep
respectful sort of love it was it was it
was powerful you know and so we kind of
went on living our lives together you
know as what happens when you meet the
person that you want to spend your life
with you know you stop being you stop
being as our lives became more and more
intertwined so we we lived apart we
lived together
we vented together we bought a house
together his kind of his career went
from kind of great amazing as he kind of
charged through the ranks from corporate
perspective we were engaged in 2010 we
were married in 2011
I felt pregnant we had off this baby
quite quickly which was just a huge
blessing and we it gave birth to of this
son in 2013 so for all intents and
purposes we were the couple that that
had it all we were probably the people
and I hugely recognize this that people
look to in kind of discipline oh how
they got this you know like they've
they've met young they've both got good
jobs they're doing really well hopefully
they thought we were nice people you
know we had we had a nice house we drove
nice cars we had a you know we had we
decided we wanted to have a baby and it
just was easy we got pregnant and I had
no problems with my pregnancy so you
know we were on to a good thing life was
life was really really great and then we
decided to have another baby and I got
pregnant very easily again and shortly
after office and was born we moved house
so we relocated back to Nottingham sure
because by this point we're living down
south because that's like the street sir
I paid gold and then whilst I was
pregnant with our second son George just
had this overwhelming feeling which I
can come back to and talk about some
more and as we kept kind of maybe deeper
into the interview there that we had to
move that we had to move back to my
hometown and
um so we we bought a house when I was
six months pregnant and moved after our
son was just born to me with an 8 week
old baby at that time that's when George
started to be presenting with symptoms
that just weren't you know wasn't well
and we couldn't get to the bottom of it
he was wrong he constantly had a cold he
was always tired
he was really rundown he had low really
really low energy levels and because of
the stage and the circumstance of our
life in that we had two incredibly young
children Zoey at this point you know we
had a three-month-old baby and a
two-year-old son and you know just
Newhouse
George was commuting to London from our
house and Notting Michelle it is a big
commute you know said not you know not
for the faint-hearted
we just continually put it down to the
fact that this is what life is in your
season and you know you try and have
yeah we're rundown you know this is
having kids everyone whinges about the
tiredness and the exhaustion which is a
you know it's part of the territory of
you know you don't live with your
children but it just didn't sort of seem
to get better and there was this
continual niggle that was there and
essentially basically we pursued it and
to cut a long story short of how we
actually came to this conclusion we
decided to send George for a colonoscopy
which is a process where you basically
have a camera put up your bottom it's
not that unpleasant so he went off and
had this procedure and I mean this is
what our life was like at this point in
time our and so he decided to have this
procedure in London because he remember
him saying to me
you know I'm so busy at work what I can
do is I can go to work and then I can do
this after work and I can come back and
I can still behave at that time we
genuinely didn't think that there was a
big you know big big reason to be
concerned all of the health care
professionals had said to us there's not
a reason to be worried he's so young
he's 33 it's definitely not gonna be
bowel cancer and basically that day that
you had the colonoscopy which was the
the 9th of December 2015
he called me I was at home literally
kind of quite literally walking around
the Christmas tree and my little boy
answer and with a little Senate nurse we
putting all my fairy lights out thinking
wow you know life's amazing this is gray
and he called me and that phone call was
the moment that just shattered my life
because having your husband ringing and
say the words I've got cancer ah it was
just it felt like a time-space continuum
and I yeah it was just hideous and I
remember saying to him oh my god she
can't know this already how do you know
like it can't be which was actually the
route that I went domine when he told us
was exactly the route that all of our
friends went down afterwards when we
actually had to then tell them the news
which was just as difficult as him
having to tell me and I know now that
that's the kind of psychological
response in terms of you know plausible
denial you want to commercialise with
what you're hearing and you want somehow
to be like this isn't true this this
can't be the case this isn't us you know
do you not know who we are today and I
remember you know being on the phone
with George and crying and him saying to
me it's fine like he'd managed to have
the force I mean this is the kind of
incredible guy he was he'd had the
foresight to call my parents tell my
parents what happened before he ran me
so he could say to me after he told me
I've got cancer your mum and dad are on
the way
your mum doubt of coming over and
they're gonna be here any minute and
they're gonna be they're gonna be here
they're gonna scoop you up and I'm on my
way back from London it was just so so
so kind and so thoughtful which was just
who he was to his core
so that was December 2015 and our lives
in that instant you know I often joked
with people and say I sing the song from
Fresh Prince of bel-air oh it's probably
shows the kind of generation that I am
it was you know this Oriole upside down
because in that instant it was my life
was flipped turned upside down and yeah
it was just everything that we knew
about our life was thrown thrown on the
floor but then that you know that wasn't
the end that was the beginning of a new
life and a new existence which went on
for 11 months
so we then lived in a season of stage
four bowel cancer so when George was
diagnosed he had metastatic bowel cancer
which is base
we can circle of lingo for the fact that
the cancers bad and it spreads to
different parts of your body and in
George's case it spread to his liver
which is not good news obviously it's
one of our major organs that you need to
function so George then lived through I
think it was eight rounds of
chemotherapy followed by six weeks of
really intense radiotherapy followed by
a season of kind of watch wait let's see
where this where these horrible cells
kind of come back then he did a huge
huge surgery in the summer which is
something called the liver resection
which is essentially where you get
chopped open and all of your liver
there's got cancer and chopped out which
is kind of just the most epic surgery
you can imagine before he did that he
cycled around London and raised a lot of
money for bowel cancer UK and then he
said I remember him saying to his
oncologist you know just before he had
this liver surgery I'm gonna I'm gonna
do more bike riding and then this sort
of all looking at him like he was
completely mental eight weeks to the day
after he'd had his liver resection he
cycled from London to Paris released
more funds for Bar Council UK and then
shortly after returning home from that
boat ride he started complaining again
feeling unwell and we you know we
genuinely thought that we were on the
sort of positive track with this disease
and literally eight weeks the day after
he'd stood in front of the eiffel tower
you know holding his bike you know in
this kind of really momentous epic
photograph that I've got of him he was
dead so he he went downhill incredibly
quickly and peacefully passed away on
the 18th of November 2016 so I was 33
and I had a three year old and a ten
year olds and yes it was incredibly
incredibly hard yet was incredibly
beautiful and a moment of glory that I
never expected at the moment of his
passing so I suppose that was a real
game-changing moment when he died which
was just absolutely beautiful and
there's no other word to describe it
which is I suppose why my story's a bit
different because I think probably most
people are going to be expecting me to
say and then it was him
yes and then it was all for and I love
this season of grief and and it has been
and it was all of those things but it
was equally really beautiful because of
their the way in which George died and
what happened to all of this at the
moment of his death which I'm sort of
really excited to talk some more with
you about say and just stunned that last
bit and which we will touch on just in a
few moments time I can tell that you
were going to have that response just
from the way you were explaining your
journey and everything that you've been
through so but when I think of concern
what it's done to my family it becomes a
more of an emotional thing and it's
quite like even when you talk about it
like demeanor and everything changes
when you say you can see that you've
actually found the silver lining in this
in this journey that you've had to take
and I just find that incredible so I'm
looking forward to hearing just a bit
more about that have balls and know
about how it was one not only incredibly
hard but also incredibly beautiful I
mean I'm taking notes here because I
don't want to miss anything and I'm sure
listeners I probably think ask her this
ask her this because it's so fascinating
because what you've literally described
is a fairy tale story and it's kind of a
story that I suppose when we grow up
there's there's a thing and I was I was
doing a speech recently and I was saying
how you know how we go to school and
yeah you get your results and then you
go to secondary school then you have the
I love is then you go to university then
you get married and you have kids and
then you retire at 65 it's almost like
somewhere in a in our subconscious I
suppose we reprogram to believe we're
just going to lift or 65 when
everything's just gonna fall in place
and then what happens it comes in boom
it hits you how is he so hard yeah
that's why people struggle and I just
think yeah it's a I'm grateful that
you're sharing this story because it
would just wake people up yeah I'm very
fortunate that nothing like that has
happened to my wife or myself at this
moment but I do try and live as if that
could happen tomorrow oh yeah it would
that the nightmares that could
potentially happen so oh you mentioned
that you've been travelling for a year
as well not obviously generate so where
did you travel so I didn't travel so I
lived I mean sorry you lived you live
yeah yeah yeah and I said friendship
University and I lived in fret in France
I actually lived I need to be honest I'd
love to go back now as a 35 year old and
do I did then I lived in the noir
Weinberg
which at the time as a 19 year old he
basically like drinking wkt blue it was
completely lost of me as like a kind of
cultural experience but it was part it
was part of my my studies in terms of
what I had to do to kind of learn the
language but yeah that was that was
interesting and it's been really
fascinating actually as I've taken some
time particularly this last year because
I've been taking some time out of work
to actually I'm writing a novel actually
so I'm writing the story of what what
happened to is in that in detail because
I'm really mindful that to try and relay
it in you know an hour even in two hours
it doesn't do it justice which is why
I'm writing the story of exactly you
know all of the twists and turns and the
beauty of what unfolded but essentially
you know I've really realized that that
experience that I had in France was
really formative and actually was
equipping me with skills that I would
need kind of in the moment of George's
death and it was also interesting in
that some of the corporate experiences
that I'd had as well so often you know
people always saying it's very cliche
isn't it you know when you're having a
difficult time people often say stuff to
you like you know this all happens for a
reason or you know it's in difficulty
where you learn and you know what I
hugely believe in both of those points
but actually when you're in that
hardship and you're in that season of
struggle and people say that to you if
I'm being brutally honest sometimes it
feels like a slap in the face because
you just you just feel kind of like well
you don't know what is to be in the
situation I'm in and how do you know
that I've been positioned for such a
time as this but I think you have to I
think you have to come to that
conclusion yourself I don't think other
people can kind of impart that wisdom
into you and it's taken me to live
through the experience of my husband's
cancer and his death to wake up to life
does that make sense
and I now look at all of these
experiences that I've had the good and
the bad and go wow like I was being like
trained I was being because I was
positioned into that set of
circumstances the reason why that
happened was to serve me later and when
you start to reflect that in that way
you often see that you've done that you
did do some really great learning in me
seasons of struggle and they and they
have served to make you a more full kind
of person that can then cope and be more
resilient in times that will be even
tougher may be that you face in the
future say yeah this interesting I just
love that I just love your perspective
on things and I think because I believe
everyone gets these potential lessons
and I call it potential lessons because
yeah it's what they take from it really
and yes that you mentioned resilience as
well and yeah I I've had
I mean I'm day two you know and I feel
like I've had some ups and downs as well
in my life which I'm sure every single
person has yeah the grass is never
greener on the other side yeah
absolutely yeah I mean that's one of the
reasons for this podcast but I'm
grateful now especially in hindsight of
all the adversity and everything that
I've been through because now when
something trivial happens say for
instance in my day job or you got a flat
tire or something that would normally I
suppose dress me out five six years ago
yeah yeah it just doesn't faze me
because in the grand scheme of things do
you know what I mean you you snot
absolutely 100% yeah I'm interested in
this novel Azure which i think is gonna
be fantastic because like you said we
can't touch on everything within this
short amount of time but I think just
from listening to the opening 15-20
minutes people are going to be very
interested in hearing more about this
myself included and I think you're not
alone in what you've experienced but I'm
sure that you're very unique in terms of
how you've change your perspective and I
think if you can hopefully help other
people who have maybe been through a
similar situation to maybe look at it in
the way that you said so I want to go
back to that bit where you mentioned how
incredibly hard it was oh but then also
incredibly beautiful if you yeah yeah so
let's talk about the hardship and the
struggle first I think you have you see
that fully fully understand that then
understand the beauty if that makes
sense you have to source it in the
darkness to feel to feel the light which
sounds quite cheesy but I think it's you
know that's kind of essentially the the
heart of this story and you know that
moment that if we go back to the moment
that I described to you earlier when you
know George was diagnosed with cancer it
was hideous
and I often say to people actually that
is when my life changed and that is when
I started to grieve
because that was the moment that our
lives changed forever at that point we
were obviously still hoping there George
was gonna live to tell the tale
but even if he had lived to tell the
tale he would have been living to tell
the tale with the with the scar of
cancer and I think this is the part of
cancer that is so widely misunderstood
people want to treat it like a disease
there is a heart problem or an
orthopedic problem which is you know you
go to the hospital you have some
medicine and you get better and your
life's all okay again and actually the
reality of cancer at any stage that you
get it is that it alters the check that
your mindset and the course of your life
forever because it fundamentally makes
you realize your own mortality in a way
that you've never had to realize it
before and it also therefore because of
that makes you live your life very
differently it makes you live your life
in fear it also makes you live your life
with joy because you appreciate and have
such a broader perspective for the
amazing and wonderful variety of what
you see in everyday life because it is
you know that is where you live and in
in the everyday not in the holiday that
you've got planning for six months time
or the night out that you're really
looking forward to a couple of weeks and
and cancer really has a way of sort of
shifting your perspective and I think I
think this shift of perspective is
universal but obviously I think from my
own experience is not fertile for anyone
else he's impacted by this disease but
what's interesting is you know once you
kind of take some time to let the news
settle which you have to do and you get
news that big you know I remember for
George and I we had the classic
fight-or-flight response and we actually
chose flight so we ran away essentially
to the yorkshire dales which was where
George's mother lived and basically
spent sort of two or three days almost
in hiding trying to figure out what we
were gonna do so yeah we we ran away to
the oxidase and there we sort of like
tried to look at the situation
pragmatically so both of this had sort
of a spaceman entrained in the corporate
world because of the circumstances in
which we
which was on this kind of management
training scheme unit we'd both been
through quite vigorous corporate
training so we've done all of the you
know separate the people from the
problem how do you make a decision all
of that kind of stuff and actually we
kind of said you know what we've got to
kind of implement some of these skills
that we've been taught in terms of
facing this this beast that is cancer
and that and that's kind of what we
chose to do so when we actually sort of
approached it as if it was almost a
corporate problem and and I and I feel
like I'm I'm I'm even laughing as I say
this because it because essentially this
is what we had to do we had to look at
it as not a black dark disease that was
gonna claim our life we had to look at
it as a unwanted guest that maybe moved
into our house which is how it fell and
then it was kind of like what what we're
gonna do in this and once a guest
how are we gonna how are we gonna make
you feel part of the family and then we
don't really want them to be here but
accept the fact that they are gonna
probably eat our table now for the
foreseeable future and we can't make
them leave they're only gonna go when
they want to you know so we we looked at
you know what we could do and one of the
first things actually that we did was
and it was George's this is all
different by George not by me was he
sort of said well I'm not having cancer
and I remember saying to him what are
you talking about you know you've got
cancer like we can't we can't get rid of
it just like that and say no what I mean
is I'm not I'm not calling it cancer I'm
not I'm not going to be named as having
cancer because there's a lot in the name
I mean there's even a you know there's
the beautiful Shakespeare quote of you
know if Rose has anything else you know
I can't I can't remember it and the
baton but it's about you know if it was
caught if it was still called over but
it was cannot call the rose but it still
smells so sweet and that same that same
thinking and that same mindset is so
true cancer because the problem is is
you say cancer to people and people
think death because people are so scared
of death and actually the reality these
days is one and two people will get
cancer and also lots of people have
cancer and go on to live really
beautiful long lives also have cancer
and live really successfully with cancer
for a good number of years
but we all have this fear you know it's
essentially the Millennial tuberculosis
that you get cancer and it's literally
like then the Grim Reaper is their door
yeah so George George said to me from
the from the outset I don't want cancer
I'm not gonna have cancer I'm gonna have
a project name so we we we were sort of
like I was like okay so it was it was
like a awesome cheesy episode of The
Apprentice we were driving north and he
we were there thinking of names and
every name I came up with which I can't
remember any of the names I actually
came up with he he was beating of
dallying no that's awful that's that's
horrendous I kind of thought I can't
have this then he said out of nowhere
Invictus what about Invictus and
honestly when he said that name it was
literally like a thunderclap in the car
it was amazing like it shot waves
through my heart and I was like that's
amazing I was like why do we both know
this name a week googled it and we're
like oh it's an aftershave and then we
would you know laughing joking which
again is another you know like that is a
real great way of building resilience so
it sounds so awful and crude to say but
to try and find the fun and the smiles
and the everyday humor in amongst you
know this car crash that is your life is
so important because you're still
yourself when you still find the same
things funny and you like eating the
same sweets and the same places even
though you've got cancer
I remember we're in fits of laughter be
kind of like you know why on earth have
you chosen an aftershave advert this is
just really cheesy but then when we went
further into it we found out that
actually the original naming conventions
are coming from this amazing poet and by
Ernest Hemingway which actually I now
having a frame on my wall at home and
the line the closeout line of the poem
is this really sort of like thunderous
clothes which basically says I'm the
captain of my fate and I am the master
of my soul and those words we were just
like they were literally like boom to
our hearts we were like yes okay this is
it now we we are not having cancer so
we're having sort of project and victors
and that was the start of is I
suppose time to refrain what was
happening to is but that also didn't
mean that what was happening to us
wasn't horrible you know like there's
lots of cancer there is hideous there is
absolute sleep deprivation because
you're so anxious about everything that
you you go to bed and you can't sleep
and you're wide awake you wide awake
there's there's an easier because of
that because you're so exhausted you're
and you're trying to keep the show on
the road
you can't remember sometimes the most
simplest of things there's the the huge
impact that it has on your daily life I
mean essentially I was still on
maternity leave you know we had an eight
month old baby so I was supposed to be
the one that was being looked after
because I was up at night you know still
with a baby that didn't really know you
know day from night if I'm being
brutally honest yeah and you know then I
had to switch roles into this person
that wasn't just caring for a
two-year-old and a eight month old it
was also caring for a guy he was there
two three who had cancer which for him
was just as difficult as it was for me
because he was the the dad he was the
father figure of the family he wanted to
be able to provide and support his wife
at his children and the reality of the
cancer treatment that he had was there I
mean he had really really top-drawer
chemo which was like I remember them
saying the hospital is it's pretty much
like we're putting bleach in your veins
and he had it every 11 days so he didn't
have much downtime between treatment you
know he'd go on it he'd go on his go and
have his infusion and actually he then
had to come home with a with a bottle
attached to him which is a type of
chemotherapy that lots of bowel cancer
patients if anyone who's had bowel
cancer is listening will be familiar
with and you then basically take the
pump it's called a pump home with you
for three days so that was you know that
was a man mindful in itself because we
had to explain to our kids what was
going on that they couldn't jump on
daddy and it wasn't ever that we kept
anything secret from our children but
you know our oldest child was two years
old you know how do you explain to a 2
year old dad daddy's got cancer that
he's got this medicine on him I mean
actually and that is what we explained
to him and we had to explain what the
words meant to him but you know they
don't
at that age they don't understand what
it means they it means nothing to them
you know for all intensive purposes for
them it was like daddy had a bottle of
Cal Poly attached to him you know they
didn't get the severity of it and it was
really tough and it brought up a lot of
stuff for me around you know what do I
do in terms of work so obviously I was
off work on maternity leave I actually
went back to work because I felt so much
pressure because I was thinking you know
I don't we'd have no idea how long this
cancer journeys gonna go on for and even
though both of our employers were just
the most supportive employers B could
have ever asked for
you always have that niggle in the back
of your head that actually if this goes
on for six years seven years are they
still going to be this supportive and
list understand a and I remember saying
to George you know I've got to go back
to work George because we might be in a
position where we're only rely you know
we're relying upon my salary and you
know you can't work which he never
really wanted to face into so I went
back to work and even when I talk about
it now I genuinely don't know how I did
it I went back to work with a
one-year-old just three year old and a
husband with cancer and was kind of
doing my job as well as commuting to
London and you know running a house you
know it was absolutely exhausting and
exhausting in a way that makes your soul
eight you know it wasn't just it wasn't
just sort of tired of the way that
people say I'm tired you know it was
exhausting and it was the relentless
sort of tsunami of it all because the
way that cancer works is you kind of it
is it's a long boil disease you know it
isn't a disease there you know it goes
it doesn't go away like an orthopaedic
you know injury like I said previously
and it and it's it's always there
simmering in the background and every
now and again you get these huge waves
that crash over you and they sometimes
absolutely come out of nowhere and it's
about then how you how you protect
yourself and what you what you do - I
suppose build that resilience and that's
what we learn in that 11 months
essentially initially it was like we
were all at sea we have no idea what the
hell we were doing and gradually as the
year
went on we built that resilience muscle
and we learned the techniques around
what is it that's gonna help us and we
knew that there were certain things that
for us as a family he with the things
that work but that took some time to
figure out it wasn't like the next day
after George I can't sir we went yeah
this is this is what we have to do this
trick is it yeah
no no so it was so hard it was so so
hard so hard yeah
firstly what a wonderful person he
sounds like and I just in your
relationship the way you were just
feeding a feature then you had this
whole story behind Invictus Sol Invictus
for me initially yeah Paco Rabanne it's
the which is what I remembered but also
there's a film money as well yes and
it's happened to feed on conquerable so
Wow
yeah you actually said it in this moment
that's what I was feeling and I was
getting almost goose thinking yeah
that's it how you guys have done it and
it just shows the power of like the
human will and the importance that words
because just by changing that name
you're not you're not necessarily saying
to listeners here listen let's brush
cancer under the copy and pretend it's
not here what you're saying is okay we
acknowledge it's here and some days
we're facing it but we're gonna just
face it in a more positive way to help
us move forward and I think that's
really really yeah the way you've done
that and in terms of exhausting I mean
we all sit here myself included and
we'll have a 14 hour day or a 12 hour
day we've been asked to do some overtime
and we feel you know what I'm tired I'm
tired and here you are with no actual
choice with your back against the wall
just showing how powerful the human mind
and body in sync how much we're actually
capable of doing and that also goes sexy
when you mentioned George who did that
running I mean who in their right mind
if you think about it from a logical
perspective things after being chopped
up I'm go go go raise money wait you
know you know what there are what I
would say is I follow some really
inspirational people on Instagram and
particularly love the the three women
and who created the you me Big C podcast
and Rachel blance or sadly passed away
in September last year and I follow I
follow the girls actually that do that
show on Instagram and they ones a cancer
survivor one one is living with stage
four cancer
they are always out exercising and
actually what I would say is it hey
for you to realize that your body is
fragile and that you have to look after
it to want to look after it sometimes
and actually the irony is is that George
actually was a fitness fanatic even
before he had cancer so he was on these
people that would go to gym gym and I
would always be like what are you doing
but I had to say since he has had cancer
and obviously lost his life to cancer
it's made me go as well you know your
body is so precious you have to look
after it you have to be mindful of what
you're putting in it in the way in which
you're using it in the way in which
you're nurturing it because it's it's
precious to you and it's your only
rocket ship you're not going to get
another one so you have to look after it
and I think incredibly there is this
mindset amongst the cancer community of
I am gonna do the stuff that like you
know that we run a 5k or run a marathon
because almost as well you know everyone
knows the healing benefits of fitness
it's it's proven right so there is this
mindset of just you know well I am what
I want to do this mentally even more
than I've ever wanted to do it so I do
you think it's crazy but I also think
you know not taking anything away from
George because it was incredible what he
did but I also think you'll find that
there are lots of people who are
impacted by cancer that also have that
absolute mindset of no I'm gonna go for
it I'm gonna raise this money I'm gonna
go and do this and I think you're right
and I think but this is kind of what I
want this podcast to do is not let
somebody have to suffer with cancer see
somebody also for with cancer to really
understand what they're actually capable
of because we're so much we're living
just in the comfort zone all the time
and health and fitness is one of my
biggest passions so yeah I've always
been into it but then when I went to
university was it was more about vodka
commands and hangovers sure yeah it was
that kind of stuff for generally
speaking up when I was about 25 I think
that's when cancer came into into my
family only affected my own cause yeah
and one of the things I started doing
then was really taking my health and
fitness seriously so I blogged on
personal training since then I've
trained over like three 400 clients and
I always know my analogy is I know the
circumstances for instance similar to
Georgia where you can be healthy you can
be doing
right and then it's just not meant to be
I can just come for what I always try
and do is just put the odds in my favor
and I always tell all my clients just
put the odds in your favor you know when
you lift some weights or you do any sort
of CV exercise cardiovascular you're
you're you're reducing the chances of of
illness and that's kind of what I do so
every single morning without fail and
unless some literally on my deathbed
sorry or I'm traveling I'm training and
I don't have to enjoy it but for me you
know it's 4% on my day just after
yourself and you touched on something
there by what you put into yourself and
I think it's important for the listeners
just to know it's not just physical
consumption like food and water it's
also what you say in your monitor yeah
absolutely
so the project Invictus that kind of
stuff is it's empowering and if you can
just so I just think there's this I
could talk about what you said now for
another five hours because I'm sure
people are going to pick up on thank you
thank you for sharing all of that what I
need to move it forward just slightly
otherwise we'll have a six hour podcast
but what definitely can get you back on
so nice obviously change quite quite
significantly now yeah yeah and it's
something that you obviously you're
never prepared for what is a day like
for yourself now and what I want to ask
more in particular is obviously life's
taught you so much so quickly
already are there certain habits or
traits that you maybe do on a daily
basis that you think people listening
could potentially benefit from yes so I
mean the part of the story that haven't
got into and maybe isn't one for the
dates move maybe at halftime is the what
actually happened when George died which
in which I suppose was the absolute
beautiful firework finale to this whole
year so if you imagine this 11 months
when George had cancer was like us it
was a slowly learning how to overcome
adversity and build resilience in a way
that I'd never had see before and then
when we realized that you know the end
was nigh when he was told there was
nothing that they could do and he was
going to die but we
you know how long it was going to be and
what that what may or may not look like
and how painful it may be and all those
other things that was the moment where
if I'm really honest and being really
really vulnerable
I hit absolutely rock bottom because I
kind of when I don't know what to do now
you know like all of this other stuff
that we've taught ourselves this far in
terms of you know finding three things
every day to be thankful for doing
exercise you know renaming things to
make them feel more palatable you know
eating well to make sure we're we know
we're making our bodies feel as great as
we can sleeping where we can in amongst
near the chaos of TV and children all of
those things that other sort of things
if you pick up any book on on resilience
and how to and how to kind of you know
build and and and work that muscle they
just didn't work and I I remember just
thinking oh my gosh like what what do I
do and it was it was awful and it meant
that we were both in a really
emotionally low state which as I'm sure
again lots of people will identify with
when you're in that place what happens
is you lash out or the people that you
love the most
so we're in this hideous set of
circumstances which was you know we knew
that George was gonna die and we had
what was probably the biggest row I
think we ever had of our whole marriage
our whole relationship because I was
really angry at him and actually you
know what I was actually angry about him
what I thought I was angry about him was
not what I was angry about at him at all
I was actually angry at him because he
was dying and that's what I now realize
with hindsight you know I was at I was
angry about him about something that
he'd said to us mom or not said to his
mom but that wasn't you know and I've
gone back and rabbit reaction man that
wasn't the reason the reason I'm so
crossed with him was because I was angry
that he was leaving me that he was gonna
die that he was not going to be here to
bring up my kids that I was gonna have
to do life on my own in a way that I've
never ever expected to and that night I
went out I literally ran out of the
house into my car it sounds Hollywood
dramatic and it actually was a little
bit that way and I got in my car and I
drove it was dog
evening it was raining and I didn't know
what to do and I just felt lost really
really lost and in that moment I
remember thinking in my head where am I
gonna go who do what who should go and
see if it goes to my mom and dad I could
go see like my aunty best friends who's
the person that I need that who do I
need and I was I was sort of trying all
these people in my head to see if they
fitted with it the way I thought in my
heart and none of them felt that they
worked and actually at that point in
time was seeing a psychologist and I
thought do I bring her like do I go see
her I couldn't even bring myself to go
see my psychologist he was the person
that really you know I employed to sort
of be the person I could take all these
things to so I decided it in that moment
that I needed to go to a church and then
I was kind of like right really go to a
church and if I'm honest again I think
it was rooted in some level of utopian
memory that I've got from childhood
probably movies like home alone where
Kevin goes to church and yeah has that
like magical moment when he's missing
his mummy you know I was right I'm gonna
go to church and tried that and to go to
a church on this like rainy October
evening at about I think it must have
been about five o'clock everywhere I was
locked her and I was so angry oran I
can't tell you how angry I am
I was literally raging so I remember I
pulled my car over on a hard shoulder
and I and I said at least she got out my
car and I screamed and at this point in
time I was not a person of faith so
there is a purpose behind me telling you
the story and so I pulled over my car
and I literally got out of my car it was
raining I was screaming and I literally
it was like I was boxer in a ring that I
was a mad okay and I literally screamed
at the universe if you are real if you
are real you have to bleep bleep bleep
bleep show me there was a lot of swear
words yeah I was crying I was crying so
much you know I couldn't even really
speak I was coughing
it was awful I got back in my car and
George text me two words that just said
come home and then I just wrote back
okay he wrote back I'm not planning or
dying anytime
Sene and i just hysterically burst into
tears and went home now that that moment
was a absolute another kind of
life-altering moment but it wasn't
life-altering in that exact moment if
that makes sense because then what
unfolded in this or three weeks
following on from me going out and
having this moment where I went for it
and said to God you know you are real
it's now or never because I don't know
where else to turn it and God had never
been someone a force and an energy that
I had ever looked to previously but I
was I felt like I had nothing left in my
cup I had no place else to go
he was the only viable option left for
me to go to and what then happened and
what unfolded around George's death
which we maybe don't have the time to
discuss today was just supernaturally
unbelievably beautiful he died the most
glorified beautiful miraculous death
that was completely driven by sort of
the Holy Spirit just moving in and
taking residence in his room okay people
I'm just gonna play the out role now for
this part of the show but the next
episode should be available straight
away on your feed whether you using iOS
or Android and I hope you enjoy this
just as much as you've enjoyed this
first part of this incredible story from
Louise I know the next part certainly
gave me goosebumps especially when she
spoke about the supernatural stuff that
she experienced and I hope you enjoy it
too and once again thank you for all
your support and if you do get a chance
to leave this interview at the end of
the show I'd certainly appreciate it
thank you so much and remember this
podcast is absolutely free so all we ask
in return is for you to share this with
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over on iTunes have an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 16- "The Keys to Live The Life" - Jen Elyse #16
Tagline: "If you're not laughing, you're not living"
Jen, struggled with debilitating back pain and chronic fatigue and found no answers to conquer her condition. Having numerous consultations with doctors and specialists she was left to take control of her own life. Taking it upon herself to fix her condition she began to explore the importance of nutrition, holistic health, diet and movement and found herself regaining her health, wellness and living a life of authenticity and happiness.
She is also Find Your Voice's first oversea guests and what a way to kick it off with a story of someone who makes no complaints about their life, seeks happiness in every opportunity, loves to laugh and make others laugh and continues to write her own story at her own free will.
I hope you can all resonate with her story and take note of some great nutrition tips and tricks she mentions in this podcast that can help you all live a healthier, happier and higher energy lifestyle.
Jen is also a holistic health counsellor, Reki master, actress, MUA, comedian and a lover of all things health and wellness and I can see this list growing! Be sure to check her out over at the show notes below:
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Website: https://www.fthelifewithjenergy.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenelyse/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelifewithjenergy/
Facebook: Jen Elyse Feldy
Have an awesome day
JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so we actually have our
first international guest on the show
today and yes we have gone over to the
states so it's a fascinating story
actually because it's a story of
somebody who are supposed reminds me a
little bit of myself in terms of she's
basically writing her own story she's
doing the things that she loves to do so
whether that's in health and fitness
whether it's in comedy or whether it's
actually in acting as well and she's
doing quite a few other quirky and
wonderful things that we explore in this
episode and again the purpose of this
show and find your voice one of the
meanings behind it is that we all use
that as a metaphor in terms of finding
our path in life and then obviously as
the tagline States write your own story
and that's kind of what I want people to
do I want people to find out who they
really are and Jenn is certainly an
example of that so what I'm gonna do is
jump straight into this episode because
you're gonna find it fascinating plus
you also get to hear a much better
accent than myself
okay so firstly I just want to welcome
Jen to the show and thank all the
listeners for tuning in today so how you
doing today Jen I'm pretty amazing yeah
I got a wake-up call from my buddy
Howard Hoffman at fresh green so he's
kind of like I think he's better than
Tony Robbins so everything's good oh wow
wow is that a working relationship yeah
yeah we do over more like friends
honestly we're probably like he's one of
the rare companies I'd say our only
company's a traction buddies yeah I'm a
big fan of him in the products yeah it's
cool fantastic okay um so I obviously
know a little bit about yourself where
friends over on Instagram that's kind of
where we had this conversation - perhaps
record this episode today I think it's
important for my listeners to obviously
get to know you a little bit so if you
wouldn't mind if you could just kind of
explain how you progress through life
and kind of ended up where you are today
mm-hmm okay I mines no I'm kidding okay
let me see well I do a lot of things I
wrote comedy last night for four and a
half hours so I'm in a few different
worlds that a lot of people would think
don't really make sense and the but but
to me if you're gonna live a full life
you need to be fit and healthy and you
can't have back pain I've had crazy
debilitating back pain you can't be so
tired you can't get out of bed and you
have to laugh and you have to feel good
and maybe you want to look good so what
I do now is I do hair and makeup that's
cool
I'm most important thing is my health
guidebook I'm a whole health guide book
for moods immunity energy and aesthetics
I'm going backwards by the way because
you know I think people kind of need to
know where I'm at to be like oh okay
and then reverse engineer yeah I like to
reverse engineer things that make sense
so there's a health guidebook so mousse
immunity and imaging and aesthetics
everything from immune disorders to
selling light in apps and fitness
training pretty straightforward but a
lot of different weird techniques and
yeah the comedy writing last name she
will be very absurd so yeah comedy and
health and beauty and fitness and acting
and modeling and some movies are coming
out so that's pretty much where I'm at
now unique and how did I get here um
I've always been in fitness my whole
life my grandparents were like
Prevention magazine before Prevention
magazine ever came out I was at their
dinner table saying what's the protein
so yeah that was always there and then
as far as being so passionate to help
people
I had debilitating back pain from
2010-2013 where I really couldn't take a
nine-to-five job because I didn't know
if I'd be able to walk so when you have
situations like that and chronic fatigue
you you know once you get over and you
learn what causes it and how to prevent
it and how to fix it for me at least I
want to I don't want anyone to go into
that situation so I'm very passionate
about sharing that message so I'd say
that kind of sums it up you know my
passion says yeah yeah okay that's
fantastic so there's a couple of things
I want to touch on there so you remind
me a little bit of myself and this was
one of the reasons that I I reached out
to you in relation to this episode
because similar to myself I'm doing so
many random things as well so I'm a
property investor I'm a podcaster I've
got a separate business doing personal
training then I've got this social
aspect to my life so I'm kind of doing
similar to yourself just kind of
enjoying myself through life and kind of
picking and choosing whatever I feel
like doing basically so that's always
interesting and also you just touched on
you this back pain that you've had and
obviously that going through that
situation is obviously giving you a kind
of purpose or suppose in terms of making
sure nobody else kind of feels that way
so if we could just touch on that a
little bit you mentioned was it 2011 you
said that like I mean I've had fatigue
since like middle school high school and
just not being literally like coming
home from Middle School in high school
just having to take naps and I had to
basically go from being an honor society
and in 12th grade just barely going to
school so I wouldn't want anyone to go
through that and I've had a lot of
fatigue and then the back pain was late
2010 to 2013 and that was pretty bad too
and I'm just looking at obviously your
Instagram profile now where you're in
great shape you're doing all this
fitness stuff have you found the
underlying cause for that was it some
sort of information was it anemic or
what was it yeah that's a good question
um my friend who just caught it would
you sell the back pay and I said no
because it took a million years I'm
dealing with quote if you saw me I'd be
quitting quotes up quote good doctors
and you're the best of the best and good
areas but they weren't helping me so
I've been failed by so many doctors and
experts in the fitness field the health
field nutrition field the back pain
field energy field that I really had to
just take bits and pieces from you know
either things that I'm pulling from the
collective consciousness or downloading
if you're into the spiritual realm and
take you face from books and really
piecing together my own plans so what
caused it is what I found basically you
take a piece of paper and you divide
into two side
the left side look at the left side is
things that cause back pain or cause
fatigue and then the right sinus things
that prevent it in alleviate I found all
these different things that can cause
and prevent it and that I know how to
fix it so Wow
yeah it's I will say that and when I
found the clients because I fixed back
pain would be fear alcohol crappy diets
can I say shitty like there's something
you can say what you okay
but I curse on you yep yeah are you sure
yeah yeah all I do is when the episode
comes out I just label it as explicit so
it's not a problem
Oh perfect let's do it explicit that I
don't eat character it's really stifling
alright cool so like shitty foods should
she know a crappy processed food like
pizza stuff like that causes information
fear over here yeah if you're not
stretching doing tightening contracting
workouts without stretching so like
there's a whole bunch of things but
those are some main ones
oh wow that's interesting so you also
mentioned they're you honest like
clients know who you're working with are
they able to access your services via
Instagram have you got anything for us
UK people over here because obviously
you across the shores over is it in New
York yeah so with Fitness I've done I've
done a few video trainings but I really
I really do think if you're gonna do
training you should have someone that
can physically touch you move you around
but I've had some clients request it so
I'm like alright whatever but um as far
as nutrition and that corresponds to the
back pain I do think you have to have
that nutrition because that's the fear
it's the lifestyle it's relationships
that's to me that's one affect your so
acid it's gonna affect your lower back
in my whole sacral area so yeah I do my
my health guide book that I do via video
so and then I send a copy of the book so
I'd have to literally just send it I
don't do it through an e-book I actually
give hardcopy books to everybody
excellent and the final thing I want to
touch on was a you mentioned comedy and
I've watched some of your videos on
Instagram as well so again it's just
another another unique thing about
yourself what got you into comedy I just
might be a my parents are really really
funny so I'm just that's just the way I
go through life aside aside from
last four months I dated someone who
produces literally produces like drama
all the stuff he does is like drama and
he pretty was found on my life so I was
like oh let's let's try this but no I I
like I like living in a comedy life I
like to wake up with jokes in my head
it's just it's just a nice way to go
through life it's a good high vibration
if you give you're into that
absolutely yeah so are you doing at your
stand-ups then in terms of what weed I
say from the UK we look on junglers or
some sort of comedy show you say okay
well a sketch sketch I do have a
stand-up written but I like I like
sketches I like to do characters
so that's what we did last night we're
gonna be doing I can't really tell you
because I'll ruin it but we're gonna do
some we'll probably some live events but
we'll do a Facebook live and it's gonna
be all these different characters
there's going to be a lot of Facebook
lives going down like in characters and
pranks fantastic well I'll make sure I
do is at the end of the show get your
details obviously we can put that for
the listeners and then obviously they
can smile and what's just there's more
videos yeah only two people laughing
those two people had a kind of smile on
their face absolutely absolutely I agree
okay so I'm a big big believer that we
are a result of the thoughts we tell
ourselves and the habits that we kind of
put ourselves through on a daily basis
myself in particular I have a specific
morning routine similar to yourself is
it's mainly around like health
well-being my mindset and everything
what kind of routine do you have on a
daily basis or is it kind of ad hoc and
you just kind of firefighting your way
through life because you do do a lot of
things yeah kind of switches so let's
say like next week weekend there's
someone from an over show that's gonna
we're gonna have to talk about the
sketch comedy show so that's gonna be
part of me that next one today to
today's you and today I'm gonna be
writing Facebook ads and I'm also going
to be meeting with the nutrition client
so today is one day I let myself wake up
late and I have wheatgrass and sprout so
I take wheatgrass I get deliveries from
you can get that by the way they deliver
I've actually had it before and it
doesn't taste too great but I did have
it for about
great this one's actually better because
the ones I would get in the store I
actually almost threw up
the last ones I had it so this one's
okay and then the sprout cubes like it
sprouts loose too I make them into cube
so I'm drinking sprout cubes and
wheatgrass cubes and fresh greens I have
my greens and the reason I do that is
one your alkaline there's so many
benefits to that there's so many
nutrients but also it potentiates it
really has a synergistic reaction and it
basically just makes your stimulants
more stimulating so I have coffee here
right now - and you're you're gonna feel
the effects of coffee more if you have
greens so that's that's pretty much how
I start the mornings as far as drinks go
in lemon water or ginger water in
turmeric water and then on Tuesdays I do
a lot of cocaine and then I have hookers
waking up so that's what use knees go ya
know a bit of abundance then yeah I
don't pay for it no I tell super by
right movement you know get the looks go
and get the blood flowing get a little
detox fasted cardio I try to do faster
cardio so if I can't get to the gym I
walk around my house in circles and I do
whatever I gotta do so that's kind of
what I did right before talking to you
so that's today Vernon excellent I've
actually just done my cardio just before
speaking to yourself as well because I
find it kind of clears my mind and it
just makes me a little bit more creative
I suppose I'm jealous
what's your momma with you my morning
routine I wake up in the morning and the
first thing I do is like a gratitude
journal and I'd have my day planned out
from the night before so I write my
gratitude journal and I do this really
weird thing so how a lot of people kind
of inspire themselves and want ovate
themselves with their dreams and all
this exciting stuff I kind of think of
like the most morbid nightmare that
could possibly think of I need something
Bad's gonna happen potentially to myself
or my family and what that kind of does
is it kind of fires me up and gets me
out of bed to really kind of seize the
day and not my - excuses yeah yeah I
know it sounds morbid but it's actually
quite motivational any no yeah I just
I use all my adversity and stuff like
through life just to kind of channel
that into your positive then the first
thing I do is go to the gym I try and
train fasted similar to what you were
saying earlier and then I'll come back
and I'll have breakfast with
the wife and then I'll crack on with my
work depending on what I'm doing in the
day and when I kind of hit a slump which
is normally like after lunchtime that's
where I just do a bit of cardio because
it lifts me back up and then I'm then I
I just kind of again I do look at my
goals I write my gratitude again like
second time in the day and I kind of
write like my five wins for the day
because I think sometimes we're so busy
and especially on social media when
you're comparing yourselves with other
people instead we forget the progress
that we've made in life as well so I
kind of use that to just reflect and
it's me just being more mindful of the
things I'm doing I suppose because I
think there was a big period in my life
where I was just on autopilot if that
kind of makes sense but I do try and
incorporate a lot of health foods so
stuff like chaga mushroom lion's mane
coffee that kind of like organic stuff
because I listen to the model house show
by Sean Stephenson and I do try and take
a lot of oh my god he's amazing yeah I
listen to all these stuff and any
anything he kind of recommends is where
I'll kind of go obviously in the UK it's
difficult to kind of get the stuff that
you guys have got over there so when I
went to New York recently I brought
myself some of that coffee obviously we
get wheatgrass and karela and spirulina
and all those kind of good things here
so do you try and put as many good
things into my body but I suffered a lot
with binge eating too many just about me
I kind of find that I have to for if I
fancy a biscuit or a chocolate I have to
have that then because otherwise I'll
suppress my feelings for seven days and
then I'll eat like 300 of them if that
makes right no it's holding if you have
my family is like eating themselves to
death so it's definitely I get it it's a
horrible condition isn't it because it
almost becomes a vicious cycle because
especially I mean I'm not sure when you
had it but when I did it what I would do
is I will train three times a day for
the next four days almost like torturing
myself and then yeah it's horrible then
you keep then you get to a point where
you're absolutely starving and then you
end up gorging againi in 10,000 calories
and you're thinking this can't be right
so for me it's kind of being practical
thinking what's sustainable and so I try
and get all the best foods I can in them
owning hard right train everything and
then if I fancy a treat like just before
our bun on the show with you I had a
couple of biscuits and I'm good I'm
happy so yeah right right but on the
binge eating um it is an addiction
actually I'm going to become a certified
peer recovery coach there's a training
for that I'm going to apply that with my
health counseling because I don't have I
do I did take some classes in addiction
but I want to take more and more formal
classes because what I'm finding is that
like my last client doesn't her name is
not listed so it's totally confidential
so confidential clients to the point
where people don't even know I do
nutrition but um a lot a lot of people
who have the binge eating
you know it's comorbid they're also had
maybe had a history of sex addiction or
alcohol or opiates it usually runs hands
in hands attempt it tends to at least
that's what I see and these people if
you can apply even if they don't have
the substance addictions I'm applying
the principles of addiction for many
different belief systems really helps it
really helps easing you know that's
fascinating so you till you're in the
process of becoming that coach now yeah
I'm going to I'm going to hopefully
hopefully it starts next week yeah did
like you haven't got enough things to be
doing right I know well you know is I
don't have kids
and I don't have a husband so that frees
up a lot of space where I can do a lot
of things a lot of people say you have
to pick one I said well if you don't
kids and you don't go to breakfast lunch
and dinner and you still have hangovers
anymore you can kind of do a lot of
stuff yeah good point
just I'm going off on a little tangent
here you mentioned at the beginning of
the show I think it was fresh coal and
you've mentioned all this nutritious
types of food that you're taking what
kind of brands do you recommend I'm just
thinking for the listeners who maybe
want to just make it a take on a bit of
advice and try something sure sure okay
long list I bounced around because this
is a thing even even if you know the
manufacturer and make highly research
things there might be substances in the
foods that they don't know about you
know it's just like with the world how
it is in the polluted waters so I like
to diversify a lot so with
I'll do fresh cooking's I would do fresh
greens for since 2010 and that I met the
owner and it was like I was already
taking this stuff for eight years I
found that on a podcast while in my
shower and then we became friends so
fresh greens for sure also on Puri
Imperium is a network marketing company
I don't sell it but I am a fan of their
green vibrance green affair um so I like
I really think it's good to bounce
around I do like the period
it's a beat what is it it is a
pre-workout and it's called can't beat
this before pre-workout pretty amazing
so they vasodilator of beet powder love
that beet powder as far as supplement
it's not really a supplement you buy but
you can do this yourself so I highly
recommend this you can do all this with
lemons turmeric ginger and sprout they
do is all for you just take sprouts
lemon turmeric ginger putting a black
they're all separate so the lemons are
just with water in a blender and then
blunt it turns into a pulp and then you
take the pulp and you put it into an ice
cube tray or many ice cube trays and
then you freeze it it becomes ice cubes
and then you take those ice cubes put it
in a bag so every time you have water
you can just take an ice cube and put it
in your water it's already prepared no
mess grilled yeah so that's the turmeric
and the ginger a big one and those are
natural it's not a company see I think a
lot a lot of these brands we don't
really get them in the UK which is why I
was quite envious because I listen to
Sean Stephenson quite regularly and he's
saying and talking about organifi and
all these crazy supplements that just
sound like they're amazing but then
obviously you go to the UK shopping
centres and it's pretty much basic stuff
yeah so yeah yeah it's very difficult
and I think they've started to do like
organic ranges now where you've got our
whole foods and stuff but everything's
so overpriced I'm just thinking for the
regular family well maybe maybe stuff
like you've just mentioned like ginger
tumeric
lemons which is relatively cheap food
that you can almost make some sort of
concoction yourself yeah just blend it
you can do it fresh but it makes a mess
it takes time and if you're really busy
just to go in your freezer and take the
ice cube and pop it in water it's so
easy yeah I'm not gonna grind sour
everyone
is that yeah of course okay fantastic so
we've spoken a little bit about your
life now obviously you're doing all this
weird and wonderful things I want to ask
you something a little bit suppose a
little bit personal and it might again
go back to that situation about your
back or it could be something completely
different I want to speak about
adversity and the reason I want to speak
about adversity is because I'm always
keen to see how people overcome their
adversity because I believe we're almost
faced with the choice when we go through
something difficult we either give up or
we continue moving forward and the whole
emphasis behind this show is to show
that the show must still go on so if I
could kind of ask you to maybe talk
about a time that you've been through
some level of adversity and how you
persevered through it and more
importantly what you learned from it
right right okay so I kind of had that a
few weeks ago breakups breakups will
kind of do that to you but I'm gonna go
up to the back pain I think that's the
best because that was a transformational
time my life I really changed so the
2010 Thanksgiving ish was the back pain
started setting in and when I say back
pain it's it's not just all my back
hurts there's a shooting pain that feels
like there's a needle being stabbed in
your back and it goes down to your feet
wrong so that happens to 50% of the time
from 2010 to 2013 in August and one day
I knew it was gone when I picked up my
juicer with one hand and I didn't feel
back pain I was like oh my god I can
pick a juicer up with one hand and I
don't feel back then and I started what
like jogging through me oh my god I can
tog and I was a trainer I remember I was
a trainer teaching workout classes and
that's when the back pain hit so that's
pretty scary when your full time job is
of cool teaching workout classes and you
can't walk across the room and I
wouldn't even drink water some days
because I couldn't get up to look across
the room to go to the bathroom that's
how bad it was so so um yeah it took a
long time you know 2010-2013 is a long
time but there's a lot of things that
happened I went to a handful of
different doctors that failed me and you
know that motivates me to help people
and put together a cohesive plan that
works that's why I'm passionate about
sharing myself because nobody not one
person
we'll help me unfortunately um switched
my friends around that was really
important I I wasn't um I wasn't an
alcoholic or anything but the lifestyle
in DC was you know it was very normal
like once a week so if you're if you
have a lot of friends and I had a few
people even call me a socialite which is
bizarre but okay so I guess I was pretty
social and teach you workout classes and
those two things don't mix don't ever if
there's any yeah
don't try to drink tequila at a pool
party and smoke pot and then teach at
work you know until God knows when and
go to the MTV real world house and then
try to teach a workout class at 6:30 in
the morning after teaching it quite a
5-man you're gonna die like something's
gonna happen to you that's what happened
I drove myself into the ground so yeah
so uh you know that the drinking I
almost completely quit I realize it's
just a poison for me it doesn't work my
half my family just can't drink alcohol
like our body is just like my function
so yeah it's so the alcohol is really
small the whole diet change the friends
that want to go out and drink and wear
high heels because I I can't really do
that with my with my back high heels are
four sheets in the bedroom you know
going out at night on Fridays and
Saturdays and living a normal life no so
I don't I have my fun in much different
ways now and those type of friends I
have or people want to create with me
you want to write comedy and sketches
and you know just do fun cool stuff like
this you can be healthy and you can be
kind of bad person you can curse and you
can do all kinds of fun stuff you don't
have to live a boring life to be healthy
you really don't
yeah I think that's a great point and I
think it's probably something that a lot
of people go through is especially
myself so when I first got into fitness
it was very difficult because similar to
yourself I was very sociable and I was
always going out for drinks on a Friday
Saturday and it's kind of like an Indian
culture here where you just kind of just
go to the pub on a Friday Saturday and
get absolutely wasted and then hungover
the next day you're eating kebabs and
fast food and then back on it again and
initially when I started especially my
entrepreneurial journey because it's
completely different to a nine-to-five
in terms of you're working more hours so
that lag and that hangover especially
while trying to keep in shape as well
was so diff
when you have in these two or three days
I just continuously going over and then
I almost had to kind of pull myself back
as well from that social circle and
initially it was difficult because I
still found myself coming back but then
like you said I've now got people in my
circle who we can just grab for a meal a
nice healthy meal and stuff like sleep
and stuff I really especially again I
mentioned him again Shaun's demon said I
prioritize my sleep just as much as
everything else that my hearth um and
nutrition so I make sure I'm in bed by a
certain time in order to carry on with
the day and like you said do all the fun
stuff because life for me right now I
probably don't drink how I used to drink
but I'm having just as much fun so it's
yeah it's about reevaluating I suppose
as you go through life priorities change
yeah I mean I gotta say that I mean
today has kind of just started for me I
woke up late but today is I say one of
the best days of my life and necessary
ghosts are the most fun days and there
is no alcohol and there is not staying
up too late but um you know at first I
think it first released for me it was a
little devastating because all my
friends not all of them but the friends
I used to party with for life it looked
like Maxim models they're gorgeous girls
and they were these heels and they could
literally be on a magazine and we go out
at night and 8iv many sneakers I don't
care I had to but it's like you can't I
literally couldn't do the things that my
friends wanted me to do like couldn't
walk and I couldn't be athlete that all
the behaviors of the Fiat Li wearing
high heels you can't help normally all
ruin my back so I had to kind of just
disappear yeah of course for your own
well-being I suppose
yeah and it's better it's just much
better I mean there's a whole bunch of
people that are doing I'm actually gonna
make a list and I can share with you I
make a list of all these things you can
do instead of going out to dinner
breakfast lunch and drinks and there's
so much actually that would be fantastic
if you have got something like that what
can actually put it in the show notes as
well yes so then people that would
obviously give the list of some value as
well thank you I appreciate that
well there'll be a valuable list because
a lot of people don't know what to do
when people ask them to do these things
and then they do it and they feel like
shit and then they're like well this
life is slice Lots it's like they'll
just create anyway yeah absolutely I
think that's a great point that is
because I suppose one of my excuses
actually at that time was are there's
nothing else to do you know it's a
Friday there's nothing
to really do but I think that list will
certainly help people thank you for that
yeah yeah I'm gonna do that and have the
77 they're just absolutely sublime
brilliant fantastic okay so my next
question it's about fear so you're a
very very happy bubbly person who loves
the laugh but what kind of scares you is
there anything that scares you in terms
of everything everything Wow okay bye
that person like hey I think you might
see my Instagram because you can see
watches your stories but I recently
became with on a comical level I'm
obsessed with and then on a comical
level I'm into it like 80% but on a 20%
level I'm really into it because I
believe in it the show doomsday preppers
so like home invasions and security and
looting and the government going or
whatever in the water levels rising like
these are some things that go through my
head all the time right okay
you know in a healthy way because I did
in our environmental event a couple
months ago and there are there is all
this research that shows that in Long
Island there's going to be I think it's
a hundred thousand people that will have
to relocate because there's they're
going to have flooding in their homes
like there are real things going on so
things like that worry me and then
homelessness has always been on my mind
I've never gotten close to it but I
think about it all the time which is
weird I don't think it's weird I just
think I think it's different I think the
fact that you're thinking about
something like that maybe with like
empathy or something is it shows your
your nature in terms of I assume when
you think about it obviously upsets you
and you think that's not right I'm just
trying to figure out why something so
external that's in terms of
probabilities probably not going to
affect you while you're letting that
kind of consuming because it is an
external factor
I suppose consume me but it's something
that like it's just something that you
know I'm not driven by fear but it's
definitely something I think of like for
example I used to give my dad a lot of
shit and you would always have two cars
and what are you gonna do you're gonna
you're gonna ghost ride the whip you're
gonna have one foot on one car one on
the other and sometimes you talk about
saving money and I'd be like what are
you doing just get rid of one car so I
so by psychic and this is really bizarre
but she's looking good you're gonna be
really successful and all this stuff and
blah blah blah you know by the time
you're 40 and you're not gonna have to
watch your money but you're gonna be
very preneur yes because and you're
gonna save money you're not gonna waste
money I was like yeah because I always
think you know what if it's that $7000
1000 dollar purchase and that's why I'm
homeless
yeah right okay yeah absolutely that's
it that's a different way of thinking
I've never really thought like that
yeah weird no no it's not weird at all
it's just it's unique
so clairvoyance I just want to touch on
that as I see do you believe in
clairvoyance oh yeah I do I do I don't
think that I definitely think there was
a lot of BS out there and we're more BS
and there is truthfulness but I'll give
you let's see I'll give you this example
my first my first situation someone came
to my house in my apartment in college
right after college and we had gone to
the University of Maryland and partying
our freshman year with like older people
and it was crazy and she goes she goes
she walks in and I'm smoking a hookah
and my diagram my living room table and
I'm not really paying attention she goes
Jaden do you remember my friend Holly
and I just look up and I go he died like
that was my reflex reaction I didn't
follow him on Facebook I don't have any
friends in common we're at the same
university and she just is like what the
hell he died I just knew so I've had a
lot of situations like that where I just
know things it comes out of my mouth so
something's going on yeah yeah
I don't I don't want to scare off my
listeners I know yeah but I believe in
it as well
and actually did a course for a very
short amount of time I did it with my
mom actually and just to kind of
understand what goes on behind the
scenes of it yeah and yeah it was
interesting not that I saw anything or
anything but he kind of explained how
psychics say what they say ie they get
images and stuff and then it's kind of
like about interpretation how you
interpret what you're being told and
actually there was a lady close to me
and I actually I've probably been to
about ten times in my life and some of
the stuff she's told me stuff that you
can't guess you know it's not stuff like
oh you're gonna have someone die of a
heart
or something very generic it's it's
almost like your great granddad died
because he had an infection in his left
toe and that killed him and then I've
gone home and I've asked my dad and I'm
like wow how is that just happened so
yeah it is some freaky stuff that you
kind of think why there is something out
there but like you said there's probably
a lot more fake people out there which
was I suppose suppose the narrative
really but yet I got stories on stories
from the same psychic who didn't know my
dad at the time and he didn't know his
current girlfriend of like 10 or 12
years they both saw the same psychic and
they described that they would meet each
other at the brick wall behind them and
the whole place and how it would happen
and it happened that I mean that's one
of them is crazy so yeah and I actually
use it with clients I actually I've
taken a few psychic development courses
just because I used to really be
negative about it I used to kind of like
be really mean to my mom because my mom
used to be able to crystals and I was
like listen does it make sense you're
being crazy
the only way to knock something is to
fully immerse yourself in to learn about
it so I was like you know what I'm so
mean about this stuff I'm so negative
my name's like let's just take some
psychic classes in 2014 I met some guy
at a grocery store and he's like
literally throwing business cards at me
so I was like alright let's try it and I
actually um i i've known with every
single client 100% if they're a binge
eater if they're lonely there's certain
things i just know fine yeah that's
fascinating you have to keep me updated
in relation to your journey because who
knows how much they'll take you some
more courses as well myself i think you
know it's just good to know like if
you're in real estate or if you're in
the entertainment business like i I know
pretty much right away now like if I
should deal with this first right not
just you know it's not even psychic you
could even just call it intuition or
just reading people really well whatever
you want to call it it's just really
nice to be able to walk into a room and
wygor having to deal with all these new
people you know as an actress and be
like you know and they gonna that you
know is it should I go to this audition
are they gonna steal my organs and they
get a kidnapped into versus a real
audition and it is a real audition is
this something that I should do so you
got a feel out so much and all these
industries in real estate - you know
that's where's your time just playing
devil's advocate there do you not feel
those sometimes and this is
the response I get from my wife or
somebody is that when somebody tells you
something you almost start acting more
towards that kind of path if that makes
sense so are times where somebody said
are you gonna purchase this or you're
gonna do this and then maybe
subconsciously it's gone into my head
somewhere I mean I don't try and do it
knowingly but you feel that maybe that
kind of and you can't rule that out
yeah I will tell you writing a book is a
lot of sacrifice you know it takes hours
and hours and I've been writing this
since 2010 it's a hundred thirty-five
pages but I've had at least eight if not
20 different psychics who don't know
each other all over the world tell me
that I'm going to be like a global
healer and help people la ville Bluff so
when you have all these people tell you
things it helps because if for me to
write a book and then think you know
what this is a piece of garbage no one's
gonna care but when all these people who
are you know winning awards would be
collecting so they're all telling me
you're gonna change the world and help
all these people it helps it helps me to
go reaffirms it right yeah me too as
well how more podcast is up okay yeah
what helped a lot of people ten thousand
people before I die that's what I
decided oh you do more than that you do
like definitely definitely
okay so you've actually kind of answered
my next question which was about
motivation and I'm assuming your biggest
motivation is probably to help other
people
yeah to help people to be out of pain
and help the people who are struggling
to get out of struggle and to help
others who are pretty much doing well to
be more alphonse really super win that's
a major main goal of mine I love that I
love that tough one as well on the way
yeah you you gotta have fun you gotta
have the vibration for fun actually
you know the vibration of fun is gonna
help you to succeed more absolutely so
what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna put you
through the paces now having heard the
buzzer go off so we're gonna go in three
two one
what did you eat for breakfast we're
spells coffee gold lemon juice the
ability to fly or be invisible invisible
money your fame money your idea job what
I'm doing right now
your proudest moment mmm writing last
night's comedy your favorite food man no
I'm just kidding I know yeah I love so
many things I don't have a favorite I
don't know Netflix our YouTube mmm shoot
you YouTube's getting better networks
right now your number one goal this year
put out at least 20 hilarious comedy
videos and to get my book to at least at
least 30 more people minimum if not 100
tea or coffee coffee your favorite sport
all racket sports where it's tennis
racquetball ping-pong if you could sit
with one person in the world for an hour
who would it be
oh shoot god I'm my dad in second Andy
Milonakis
okay why is your biggest addiction food
summer or winter summer your favorite
place in the whole wide world my home
lately would you rather speak all
languages will be able to speak to
animals animals if you could abolish one
thing in the world what would it be pain
in every single form your favorite song
ever Oh God
okay we're gonna go with what I listened
to yesterday which is not the truth but
it's captain and it's Ricky Ricardo and
the final question is read minds or
predict the future
Finnick the future fantastic it's weird
that the last question was actually in
relation to the stuff we were quite
talking about that's strange
okay fantastic so we're almost at the
end of the show now just got a couple of
more questions I just want to ask you so
I'm a firm believer in hindsight being a
wonderful thing obviously we can learn a
lot from our lessons we can learn ways
to get to where we want to get to
quicker easier or with less heartache
but I'm also a very firm believer that
the journey that we go through teaches
us a hell of a lot so knowing what you
know now if you could take yourself back
to a young agent and maybe whisper
something in her ear when she was going
through some level of adversity even if
we look at 2011 for example what would
you say don't deal with true gas pitcher
yeah basically I mean that it sounds so
stupid but basically in who and that's
not you know at your level or basically
related to the goals at hand and purpose
just don't deal with them I love that I
think that sound advice that's pretty ok
fantastic so that brings us to the last
question and the last question I always
ask all of my guests is if in 150 years
time we are no longer here and all that
exists is a book and this book is about
you
it's about Jen it's about her whole life
everything she's accomplished or the
weird and wonderful things that she's
done firstly what would the title of
that book be and secondly what would the
blurb at the back of it tell us about
Jen oh man well first I'll just have to
interject and say that I would hope that
my how-to guide book would be much more
prolific and well-known than a book
about me because that will help more
people but um that being said to answer
your question um the title of the book
maybe you read this fuck off or the life
which energy and then the eggs blurb
would probably be how to live the life
the life of the life without pain the
life with laughter good all by having
fun in health and having that that draw
the viewer you know yeah yeah absolutely
it's a terrible summary that's not her
thing don't don't destroy it I'm sure we
can obviously work on it when it comes
out but yeah no that's fine absolutely I
think I think that's it that's a good
point you've said it a few times in this
episode is about the fun bit and one of
the things I've always preached in like
especially in health and fitness so I
always say it takes hard work and I say
you need to be consistent with whatever
you're doing but my other two things are
always about sustainability and
enjoyment that's kind of my four pillars
that I always kind of practice I suppose
so it's just interesting obviously
someone else who's in the kind of health
and fitness space as well that you also
say you know you need to be happy and
you need to enjoy it basically as well
because I feel like we're kind of
missing that element in there yeah in
the health effects especially yeah I
would like to add to it though I mean I
live to NTC my own
for ten years away from my mom my dad
and my mom definitely has told me no
have fun but my dad more so you know I
am very critical even though I like to
act goofy and be stupid you know and
just played them
I am very critical I can walk into room
and I'm an artist I was art studio art
minor in college I can see every single
thing that I consider to be a flaw and a
person in a home and I and how to fix it
this is just how my mind works so you
know as I the reason why I'm like this
is my dad would always you know
influence and try to be like you gotta
have fun he'll ask me you know I'm like
I did this and I got an A or you know I
help this client or a bubble blind you
go well did you have fun did you have a
fire mmm it's a brilliant question to
ask isn't it
it's and he's one of the most important
ones as well yeah it's so important so
I'm glad that you know he said he would
remind me because I can be I can get
very serious actually mm-hmm
I think the whole world can't to be
honest and I think I'm not sure what
it's like over in the in the States but
if you if you pay a lot of attention to
the media and the the television and
your newspapers here it's very very easy
to kind of become depressed and just
think bad thoughts all the time because
it's just so much negativity being post
passed around and you're almost just
hearing like bad stories all the time
yet there's so much light in the world
as well and so much wonderful things
that I think need to be expressed a lot
more so it's refreshing that you had
that attitude as well
and I think I think the world would just
benefit more from that so thank you
sharing that I appreciate it before we
go Jen I just want to give you a chance
just to obviously for the listeners let
us know where we can contact you and
obviously are poor or they're the finer
details into the show notes as well yeah
I don't contact me I like my piece um no
no I I like people
oh the good ones the good ones so we
have two instagrams at the life with
generally we have at Jen Elise we have
my website which just got hacked the
life with Jenner ChiCom Facebook Jen
Elise
feldy there's Tumblr and Twitter and the
Twitter is life with Jenner G yeah
that's good and in relation to your
publication yeah I'm gonna have
bits of things on Instagram and Facebook
like if you go to my facebook profile
photos of Congress on there's a lot of
like the major productions like there's
five movies coming up and the next few
months so they're gonna be like you kind
of go through that you'll kind of see
what's going on but I also do have like
a resume four people are in the
entertainment business on backstage comm
and I have like a seven page whole thing
with links and YouTube so you could just
be like okay just what what's going on
like can we just have it in one sheet so
it actually lists everything I'm up to
and it you know goes through voiceover
and health counseling and hosting and
it's totally organize and categorize
fantastic okay excellent so I'll make
sure I put those all in the show notes
thank you for your time today and for
everyone else at home thanks for
listening thank you as us and remember
this podcast is absolutely free so all
we ask in return is for you to share
this with a friend and drop us a 5 star
review over on iTunes have an awesome
day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 15 - "My Way" - Raj Sallan #15
Tagline: "The only person that should be proud of you, is yourself"
Raj Sallan was the Fresh Prince, before he got shipped off to Bel-Air. His parents swiftly realised he was going to end up going down the wrong path if he stayed in Germany, he was sent to Birmingham, UK where he was forced to learn another language, way of life and develop his own mindset. Having had to learn his 3rd language, Raj utilised martial arts, kick-boxing and boxing to channel his mind and found a passion that would see him travelling the world and proving all his doubters wrong.
Raj explains that your mindset starts from the moment you wake up. He strengthened his perspective and mindset to help him handle not living with his parents for the majority of his childhood, learning English and fighting professionally in combat sports. Realising that nothing is impossible Raj has overcome his own levels of depression, loneliness and now spends his hours helping world-class fighters, girls and boys of all ages in becoming fit and finding their own confidence.
A genuinely loving guy, whose energy is infectious. He explains his daily rituals that have helped him earn a favourable reputation in the fight game, but also as a genuinely humble human being.
A story of adversity, with no excuses and an individual who found his voice and continues to write his own story.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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Links to guest:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rajesh.sallan (Personal)
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/only1rajeshsallan/
Have an awesome day #JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so as you sit here now
listening to this podcast I just want to
ask you a quick question now obviously
it's rhetorical
because I can't hear your answer but how
many times in the last week have you
thought about something negative have
you complained when it really wasn't
that bad
have you mould about how little progress
you've made rather than actually commend
yourself for how far you've came my
guess is probably more than you wish to
admit and that's absolutely fine listen
we've all been there but what I find
remarkable about this episode that
you're gonna hear is I guarantee 100% if
you listen to this all the way through
your perception and your mindset will
benefit you will change it you will
start to feel I'll say silly for morning
about the silly things that we often
moan about because this individual has
not only had to learn English as his
third language
he was uplifted as a ten-year-old from
his parents to live in a foreign country
where everything was alien to him and
the only thing he really knew how to
control was his mind and his hands and
his feet and with that he tells a
wonderful story so without further ado
I'm gonna get this interview on the way
so firstly I just wanna walk on right to
the show and thank you for taking time
out of your day to come and have this
interview myself how you doing today I'm
fine right it's just doing well good
good the UK where they're glad to hear
it so I think it's important for the
listeners to understand a little bit
yourself now I've heard about you my
wife's told me about you you know wanted
you on Instagram for some time now so if
you could kind of give the listeners
basically a history of how you've came
about to where you are today
well basically am I was born in Germany
1988 in Frankfurt and grew up in a rough
estate area basically it was there was
no Indians back then it was just if you
name it just like Turks albanian
different all different cultures but no
Indians no Asians my family was the kind
of the first Indian community around
there my uncle and everyone and growing
one went school there stayed there -
lost ten the time there was no people
probably asking what are you doing here
yeah yeah it's just growing up in this
state area it was a rough and tough you
know being through fucking some hard
time and the other day and seeing my
parents there being there and as an
Indian people you know how did German
they say it's not it's not a racist
country but they won't put everyone in
one the cultural people would want in
one area so where this day so this is
their area it was a being a bad kid I
was like a as poor really but the other
yeah okay so I'm getting into naughty
stuff at a young age theft
not going school just no he just being
wrong basically doing the wrong things
that I do you know upsetting my parents
they wasn't happy they wanted a better
life for me so come to a stage where
they decided to send me here because my
mom's side everyone's here my uncle's my
cousins so they had a decision to make
which probably was the biggest decision
in their life so they decided to send me
here to have a better life and today
that's where I stand is here and I'm
being threw me through quite a bit you
know from being alone software
depression this is probably most of the
family members they don't even know
themselves so when they hear this they
probably think we didn't know this but
I've never come up out of it really I've
never told anyone about it because I
like to keep things sometimes myself and
[Music]
I've always always had that little thing
where you know when I was young come on
my own and basically crying by myself
and I was a kid when I come here cuz I
missed my parents because the hardest
thing in my life was probably was going
to that Airport and looking back and see
my mom and I'd cry maybe one else that's
a hard thing yeah it's a mental thing
and that's a ten year old I don't know
where I'm going I don't know what's
happening yeah what's going so you were
ten when you came over I was 10 years
old and was jamming your first language
but job dream dance from Indiana okay
some may not be fast champion easily
should I didn't know I didn't have a
clear barrage you know nothing English
from the age of 10 10 yes fantastic and
then it was just hard time it's just
hard that moment was very hard ten years
old you wouldn't know you took back and
why do you crying like we think he might
have great for holiday of his back of
course I know what they said that you
know going then the plan was to give it
a go see how it goes that's what my own
custom a moment which was good and then
it was hard that day I remember sitting
on the plane at ten years old amount and
it's going to another country to start a
new life and things started and use the
good is better for me basically because
the way I grew up in Germany there was
only one way in a prison gangs or dead
awesome other than something I didn't
want to disappoint my parents because
one thing in my life that could never do
is disappoint them they mean the world
to me and yeah another indeed appear now
in school world screed
come in years six or years five years
almost ten years old I didn't know no
English no English at all basically I
did not think I was that good fresh off
the boat but yeah and had to go through
lot of stuff as a kid because knowing
not know English
making friends was hard but it was just
very difficult to be fair and the way I
just gone through it I cried as a kid I
remember going home walking from school
I had no friends and this is when I
first come over and
that long road in hands of going home
and crying and just being upset missing
my parents 10 year old kid would course
Yong Yong you don't know you know you
don't know how you feel and it's just
very different unexplainable to people
that unless they've been through
themselves they know I feels and it was
hard there's hard times and then slowly
slowly things started changing for me
you know I just started getting thinking
in my head don't one thing I always said
to myself in life is that it's all about
you know your brief you got two arms two
legs
you're not worse than others know
there's people out there in lifestyle
going through lot worse than yourself so
I always that's one thing one of them
second is that the only place that's
gonna believe and use yourself you can't
believe in yourself
and having faith in yourself then you
know I strongly believe that you know
people believe in like North of
Attraction the universe I think
personally you are your universe you are
what you think in it you become what you
think so absolutely things change for me
you know if I didn't have if I didn't
want to become like my parents or
everything I took a lot of criticism in
life as well like you can't do this my
parents up to because they sent me yeah
as if our Asian families are they'll put
you they'll put a lot of people down
they like to say oh he ain't gonna do
nothing course of course being in a
making oh why you sent him there for my
parents after he all that then it was
like a it was me against the people as
one to prove them wrong that you know
what I'm fuckin of made it yeah you know
I am Who I am I'm a good person
I've not turned that wrong a lot of
people expected me to come here and take
advantage oh yeah and film become a
druggie junkie do whatever can you know
make most of it because my parents in
here but um you know you know plenty of
friends we just forget just before this
interview as well I've been mutual
friends we've got as well yeah
definitely is so I think that's
interesting what you've touched from it
you said a couple of things that I've
just made notes of so one is you become
what you think and believe in yourself
this is something that I know is a very
date hero you have to say affirmations
and implant that in my head now and I
think indirectly because you've been put
in that situation you have to develop
that yourself and
giving you some strengths although you
might not have seen it as a strength
then it's brought you into the person
that you are now which I think it's
fantastic because and a lot of people
listening to this probably had a lot
more shout class yeah whereas you were
by yourself and you thinking buddy got
these two hands and legs
yeah and just speaking on those two
kinds of legs now yeah that you knew you
had you've done incredible things with
those yeah which I just wanted to tell
the audience as well it all started with
a fire school basically okay
when I was in Germany I was a bit of a
tempered kid you know it's but I still
gave too loud so when I come here I was
it - I got into a few fights and this is
my first the first few month for you
already
and my uncle goes to meet my mom's
brother he goes you know you got
suspended from school you just come over
here in basically Punjabi because I
couldn't speak English course and so
from there he started and there he goes
well I'm gonna send you to kickboxing
gym and I go ah they don't give me a
coke it's nothing they asked or just
yeah by then I made friends
I put friends by them you know people
that were around me and school friends
and I took one friend with me and said
let's give me a coke see what's about
yeah and who wants me to go okay and
walked into the gym and then from there
never looked back cuz just suddenly I
found a talent I wasn't good mmm yes so
it wasn't actually beating people up but
it's something I had in me and I used
that a lot if it wasn't for that I think
that sports and combat sport fighting
and all that helped me in a way my using
my hands and feet my mentally if it made
me better and it was more energy changed
everything like if I was upset at home
or if I was feeling down
oh go to gym no I'll use that a lot and
then that just made me who I am
from there he just kick-started amateur
fights I went to turn pro in Thai boxing
I had laws of numerous fight all over
the place over India to fight at a pro
MMA fight for winning age and over 20
pro kickboxing fights
it's incredible a mature buck cells as
well as boxing for Saint Francis in
Birmingham
fantastic yes or other good chance I was
even told to stick to boxing and one way
is that gonna be pro in that but I just
love kicking okay yeah so that's where
you all started my hands or feet and
they kicked off then I think that's
where I I saw your Instagram stuff Nick
initially because I know my wife Tommy
love about you because you went to the
same school and she said it's really
inspiring you've come from completely
different country and you found your way
in life and I remember going to be spoke
about this just before the podcast going
to ask them University yeah which is
what ten miles from my house can get
there in 15 minutes yeah and I was
homesick
so Monday to Thursday by the time
Thursday comes I couldn't wait to get
home on a Friday so I can only imagine
what it's like for a ten-year-old kid to
kind of have to do that but I don't now
we've spoken obviously before this you
go home a lot now and you visit in
Germany quite yeah I spend much time
with my family I can I personally think
that nowadays degeneration now they
forget their parents and they forget
about the old alumni like I spend a lot
of time my parents because the
difference with me is that I've not
actually I've lost a lot of time with
the growing of pianos and not being with
them so be going back and then every
time so anytime that means the world to
me now first thing you couldn't you know
a man if you don't spend time I agree
and I'm sure they're very proud of how
far you've come now they are yeah they
are very very proud but the most
important thing is my dad always tells
me is the only place that should be
proud this are you proud you have people
like that that's what matters
personally I'm proud of myself that's a
pretty messy that's the best thing to
you now look that message as well and
that's something that I try and get
through this podcast as well is that
yeah the way we look at ourselves in our
self-worth and stuff like it's the most
important thing yet cuz it's nice
getting plaudits from the person next
door or somebody across the road but
until you start looking yourself and
believing in yourself I'll do something
like this is something I don't are many
Byrne I wake up in the morning and speak
to myself let me read it and there's a
reason why I do it because then I went
to see someone about three years ago
mm-hmm
and he helped me the way to think and
why how to change negativity into
positively I don't you feel great about
yourself so he said do something like
talk to yourself yeah but he actually
works so I realized that your mindset
starts from the time you wake up you
know when you say your feet touch the
floor yeah that is when your mind starts
working and whatever you think what
thought you wake up with so if you wake
up negative your day is going to be
negative if you wake up positive you're
positive so walk to the mirror and I got
this little white top where I just say I
am positive I am rich I am blessed I am
my own God I am this and that so and I
talk to myself yeah and then I said to
her I'm gonna have a great day today
do that and it helps me yeah that's
something that really helps me I know
some people might thinking wow that's
that but that is something like I can
really really help someone it's a mental
thing and this is like a you mentally
getting stronger and your mind you
you're basically transforming your mind
set you straight positive team and
you're looking forward to the day then
it can rain out there because no even
when I'm finished knowing and it's shit
whether I'll say it's a toy don't stop
me doing the finger prize of course it's
the mindset how people yeah and I know a
lot of people that wake up in the
morning say example one day I hate
mondays absolute that's the first
negative word that you say to yourself I
hate why do you hate go and do what you
had to do come home make a plan yeah
think coffee I love that so it's one of
them things I think as you were saying I
just opened up my diary so I have every
morning five thoughts and it's similar
to yourself I am powerful I understand
my own bothy
I am perfect every single morning best
thing and it's only something I've been
doing recently as well but it's so
important like what we feed am I here so
you're an athlete you know what it's
important to feed your body physically
strong but if this is weak that knows
everything there's no point of it's not
point being you know I mean the best
body but if you're my name right it's
the same with the fight game you can be
very good in the gym you can be
you can be whatever but if your mindsets
wrong and you my name in the fight
mm-hmm
you must say you lost the fight yeah
because it's not there lost it before it
started yeah but a lot of people don't
realize that so my mind is a powerful
thing I don't think people realize it I
think you're right there I think it's
becoming a bit more and this is probably
because I look into that fear you've got
a lot of mindset coach and a lot of
people talking about it but when I hear
it from someone like yourself who's put
it into practice in an arena and done it
on an international stage I find it a
lot more authentic and real so I'm glad
you said that and it was actually the
one of the next questions I was gonna
ask you was about your routine and so I
love athletes and if I could if I could
have a separate podcast in this they've
been just interviewing athletes because
I think it takes a certain type of
person to get to the top to stay at the
top to have that mindset because it
isn't like you said it ain't all about
your physical attributes you'll be the
hardest hit but if you aim right here
yeah
and somebody's got more clued on there
they're gonna have perform you throw it
main rhythm as an example indefinitely
so what I want to ask you is this was my
next question what do you do until the
time you go to sleep so obviously you
all can have you spoken to yourself in
the mirror now yeah what are their kind
of rituals or habits do you do in the
day often saying I can go back to when I
was fighting yeah yeah what I used to do
was we stay twice a day or three times
pushing it depending coming to a fight
waking up in a pony go for a jog I'm
just going back when I was at school my
uncle used to wet this secondary school
and I was competing then amateur level
and I was doing then I'd turn pro and I
mean my uncle waking you used to come
from a nightshift 4:00 in the morning
before I go school is to make me go for
a jog go for a run so the technologies
you hear I was 14 to 16 this was and the
dedication was built in me already you
know having that warrior mentality and
that listen you gotta train hard
maintaining one way to so what we used
to do is train three times a day say max
and diet so when you wake up in the
morning you run check your weight come
home eat you gotta watch my eat as well
you have a nutritionist watching what
you eat if you don't have a nutrition
you some people do it themselves which
is good as well so my daily routine is
Bella and especially
all days was going school all day watch
ye at school wow this is the time when
no one hardly knew realized I was in
year eight nine I was just my name was
just coming out and not people knew the
house no one knew that I was doing it
only later on people found that coming
from school finish school come home grab
my bag
don't do no homework come on felt like
training back there go straight to the
gym to our session and then back home
eat food go bed then after that when I
left school it was the only thing that
changed was there was no school time so
that's when three times a day training
started just running in the morning
training from different things like
strength speed and sparring session pad
work different sessions and needs to be
three times a day eating right and he
days used to just go basically and then
I'm coming home in the evening afternoon
chilling with the family and then in the
evening if you feel good you go for
mother jog and this is when it comes to
an eight week camp fight camp your aim
is to get fit get mentally strong and
get your weight down as well depending
on what weight division you find that
and then they just carried on like that
I've done that for a good 15 years to be
fair her
I've been training since I was 10 still
do it now but I'm fond of fighting fit
and fighting professionally I stopped at
25 my last fight was 24 when I was in
India a fourth road and times change but
I still keep the same similar routine I
still go for a jog here in l a-- wake-up
call for one you know in the morning and
I love going running in the morning at 4
or 5 I love that I love that it's the
fresh a door full run go work and
especially with my job now you know we
do shift work so I work everything
around it and the only thing that keeps
me going is my mind basically your body
can get old as much as they want but if
your mind is strong can control your
mind and yeah and the funny thing is
it's your mind that tells you're tired
even before your body is as well yeah
and that's something we definitely kind
of battle with yeah I looked at and I
just sort of touch on that so you've
done this for like 15 years I had a very
very short period and this is kind of
like something that I celebrate where I
train like an athlete as a knight I
got myself under an Olympic coach near
boxing what I was doing with those
copying national champions so when they
were training free time today I was
doing the same yeah because I knew I got
into the game late and I really wanted
to go on a floors so I was training and
I was copying them I was eating the
right stuff and I couldn't understand
what you're saying there I'm not sure if
the listeners will get this but there is
a point where your body and your mind
are in sync that you do stuff that you
think shit how we're doing this because
you're training so would you do so much
and the reason I say that is because now
I'll go to the gym and people normally
is not comparison trained or whatever
but the intensity that I had for those
two years is 10 times more than now what
I can't do is bring that intensity back
here so now when I go to the gym the mom
I'm tired up I don't know I just kind of
think okay let's got that Communists
abuse away and I wish I could transform
those two years of a true athletes
mindset into now are you able to still
do that now so you know how you would
train that 25 can you bring that a
little bit back or is it a matter of
when you're not competing it's difficult
to do I know exactly it doesn't make
sense yeah I don't make sense to do
right there especially the copying part
mmm that's exactly why I used to do
because watching people like the running
I got from sue my uncle told me run in
the mornings and everyone that fight her
mentality and I just watch people like
Tyson and knowing the jog in the morning
and he watched these videos okay and
that's the copying part like just
thought you said yourself you copy it
and do it but that's the only way to
these people are there it's by of course
you learn from them so that's why it
like Mayweather says you know what my
opponent sleep 2 a.m. in the morning I'm
going for it says it's a very good copy
it's not a bad thing it's doing
something that they're doing and then it
works on you but going to transforming
it if I wanted to do that now and
everything I could like I said it's a
sit my head I knew boys the older you
get or do you believe as well
laziness kicks in you know and
responsibilities change appear you know
you have a lot more other things to do
you know work people get you know
relationships and everything just
changes but in your head you got a you
have like a notebook and you write
everything down
today I'm gonna do this tomorrow I'm do
this you know you can write a routine
down and it still can be done it's don't
coming there's nothing impossible in
library people told me I could never
speak English
I've never got to speak English or a
school I get picked on here a day not as
in you know just not picked on but just
laughing you know he can't speak English
oh my cousin's would say oh and I think
you know what I realize now nothing is
impossible even when I was going through
the depression point no I'm sad I just
upset cry
I never should tell my family no one
used to know I should be on my own ice
like be a man just cry and miss my
parents but then while Walter went along
and I got older I realized that you know
what nothing's impossible I could do
anything or what you know what
um these people were standing out there
what am i crying about what is wrong
with me
you know I mean I can do this dusty and
today I'm here nothing today right now
I'm probably in the most longest mindset
I just believe in myself that I'm alive
they feel the good energy yeah and this
good energy but Zampa when you pass
positive energy got me excited here
before we started this you can see how
happy I'll wait that's the best thing to
do is the vibrations between two people
and it's a straightaway you send it to
them and you want to spend time with
people like that
that's it girl one thing I have to do is
the certain people didn't say family or
friends who all they do is negative
negative negative and when it's your
family and friends you can't always cut
them out yeah so after do is limit my
conversations with them or if I'm in
there if I'm in their proximity is
literally like how you doing and then I
walk away because I don't want that you
know what all of these kind of
relationships and this is where I'm
complaining nowadays in life and on the
grand scheme of things and people have
interviewed on this and including
yourself their problems that you know
the trivial the minor compared to what
you guys have been through nobody's been
lifted from their parents do you have to
learn a third language to that you don't
be fired in and they're not
understanding what people are saying
about them to then having to develop
their own - such a young age where I'm
here now as a 30 year old still trying
to develop my
and I'm seeing people who I'm actually
working with now who you are older than
me still trying to develop their Mon so
I think it's you should be very proud
for this yeah I think it's commendable
that you've been able to do that yeah
especially it's true you don't think I
agree with that exam it's that fucking
that did you do so you can't give a fuck
about anything fuck what people think
fuck what anyone thinks really and do
what you make sure you have people yeah
if you work on yourself you're never
gonna get out of that blockage it's a
circle around you like we've seen it a
lot with lot of people not mind coaches
people saying it like they put and die
in the middle then they put circle
around it that is you and you can't get
at that comfort zone you're just in that
middle you have to break through and
that's what he's like I had a friend
make for me two weeks ago saying I wanna
cop
and I said to him you found me to tell
me you walk on
well how about you think to yourself
that I am gonna get I'm gonna have that
car or believe that you already in that
car believe in yourself like I said yeah
yeah there's no one else gonna believe
in you you know I mean you can't ask
phone someone can you believe in
addition of everyone else that's it yeah
cuz I knew this was interview was coming
up and I try and learn about the person
a little bit I took myself back into
those two years and the key to my
success in those two years was a
decision I will just make a decision and
believe it oh there's an analogy when
somebody says I'm trying to quit smoking
for a bit or somebody just says I don't
smoke anymore they're two different
types of people the person who doesn't
smoke and move will not be tempted and
nobody will really ask him where
somebody's that off stop smoking for a
bit the most aren't you're gonna get
asked in a grave you want one or they're
gonna be very very tempted it's kind of
you've got to make your own identity you
do if that makes sense ain't the world
like I'm trying change that try to I am
NOT little words how you think I'm what
you say your language you know yeah you
to yourself what it's raining today or
Congo you know but you say I will go for
when the rain stops to be rain is not
gonna kill you you know it's just it's
the mind thing to be fair it's it's hard
it's hard I know what where people come
from like for me softly from being
judged mean creatures
is going through depression at a young
age you know feeling alone and
overcoming them things it's just it's
not as easy I want people to know that
they're not on their own you know I know
people it's hard to explain to someone
how you feel but they need to realize
that you're not on your own because
first of all these people not worse than
what they're going through you know
second you're breathing you know he got
two arms two legs
you put got a roof over your head get
food on the table and end of the world
never think that and just feel strong
about yourself and even yourself
but never give up and that's one thing I
think in the Asian community is Wally
not all there's nothing wrong with you
don't worry you're just crying all
you're just upset it's a debate know
what's going through yeah you don't know
what's going through the person's head
or what's happening and me as a young
kid I remember them little things when I
was on my own and crying and all sorts
it was quite hard and not family members
don't know this to be fair but all the
comment in a way that it was that fuck
you attitude like you know what I'm
gonna I'm gonna prove people wrong you
know I didn't care what people think but
I used that as a I'm gonna prove a mom
that I'll turn that good and I turned up
doing I achieve things that day car so I
used them as a fuel baby that's why I
used the mass and it carried on like
that and my mind just got stronger and
stronger hmm and anything even today
like I mean people who having a bad day
and I turned their mindset it's just me
talking deception isn't it yes it's how
you see it
and I think you took started this so
you've been doing this since you attend
they pretty much and that's probably why
you're better at it than most people I
think the important thing people should
take away from this episode is make it a
habit yeah so how you go to the toilet
at night how do you go have a shower
every morning it needs to become a habit
the way you speak to yourself from how
you see stuff so another good thing I do
other than these five things I do
gratitude journal is oh so I used to do
every morning which is fine but
somewhere along like the day after a bit
it kind of rubs off so something bad
happens even myself I'm guilty of
sometimes looking at
what I do you know I do have them
tonight as well so I'm doing gratitude
as soon as I wake open before I go to
sleep
it just helping me and my natural vibes
and everything it's very hard for me to
not be grateful for what I have like you
said I've got two hands and a few of my
health
touchwood at the minute got no diagnosis
of any illness isn't nothing I get to go
on holiday I know what I get to live the
life are what I'm blessed
yeah do you know what I mean I convinced
myself of that because because I am
never give up attitude may seem you know
that's the best way to be and being
grateful I've always been grateful I'll
be my dad and like we come from nothing
my parents come from nothing and we have
enough today to keep us happy and that's
all that matters
which is how well you know half is the
most important thing of course and you
know I've always been bought up in a way
to think that stay humble as well and be
grateful and that's well yeah and that's
one thing about me I love that and
that's something you preach on your
instagrams in your facebook as well
love that because always I can relate to
that so on my Twitter I just kind of say
stuff that comes in my head it's kind of
me talking to myself
yeah because sometimes if I'm a bad day
my first thing in my head is going back
to a prayer yeah and listen to how you
talk so be that person that you say
you're gonna be here and I wrote
something the other day which says
growing up I didn't have everything I
wanted but I had everything I needed and
that's literally how I grew up and and
that's kind of like one of my timelines
as well because I think my life is this
compared to so many other people that's
why people it's hard for them they think
they're humble but they're not really
they don't understand how what it takes
to be grateful you have to believe in
that you know what I'm happy
coming for my breakfast is a bit hard
times II was me I know and I've seen you
know looking at my friend he's buying
new train is no lazy Navi and now I'm
sitting up and for one but I still don't
go and get what I want because I know
I've got enough I don't you know that's
not gonna change your liver what
happened it's all still here it's not
cause it's a big example my friends
always like oh why didn't get yourself a
new car you know you all you need to
know
what can I'm humble in a way that my car
takes me a to be I'm happy that's what
the purpose of a car is that's all if
you could treat yourself to treat
yourself don't forget where you come
from people forget where they call
that's what happened I agree
they really forget asleep hour for a
listen that is I think so I come from
similar backgrounds no not as bad as you
in terms of not being very humble
because we had normally going up and I
remember the moment I got my first good
job he was in London and I was anymore
money thing on you wanted to deal with
and when I say what money I mean to me
to other people it's probably a normal
salary so I know all this money and I
remember Bibles designer gear these
jeans and stuff and if you go upstairs
to the third bedroom they're all them
jeans and all them teacher I just and I
hardly wear because yeah very quickly I
realized that doesn't make me happy
what makes me happy is being able to do
this or help people or give a hunter and
that kind of the best thing you can do
you know helping people is one of the
best things as well even if it's done
it's like the littlest thing like I'll
explain some time was of course telling
them how if they're saying the day's
been bad try and help and be they be
better not have a joke or just have
someone just maybe someone small yeah I
think I thinking in the world but
growing up humble and down to half is
probably my first thing not taking my
heart honestly from your hair is the
first thing that there is respect being
humble and down to the best can come
after that's the best thing I think the
world would be a better place if there's
no greed then like lot of people are
there's not greed
there's a lot of competition Cuba
competition not a lot of people compete
with them with others or their mates or
their family members like I've always
told my parents like listen don't worry
what people say let them talk let them
be they think what they want let them
think what they want they're jealous the
Haiti they got a negative problem which
they need help in but they don't
understand that especially in our
community indeed pretty they see they
won't know that they don't stand this
kind of stuff this is like if you can
fucking get it what can't you why don't
you do this why don't you do what they
don't realize the other person might be
happy you know they're happy with what
that for my dad my dad one kind of
person like you were says to me what
kids are happy
be healthy about reform I'll either see
you always you say that his whole life
and you're drilled into my head
no even though I didn't grow up with
them but but then let them believe
remember yeah I remember these things
and now always when I stay at home
that's why I got that little white book
top of the mirror and I love that look
honey and I've got one thing that I'm
I'm rich yeah and you know how I feel
and well feeling about everything I want
you keep saying that the things that you
don't you don't expect they'll come to
you anyway then you're attracting that
or anything of course but yes like I
said it's not easy for people out there
that's hard but I already know I love
that you've shared that because that's
literally how I think yeah so we just
before we started this episode I told
you I'm selling this house now yeah and
I was like we're gonna get ourselves a
smaller apartment and two other people
it's gonna be like shit you're given a
big house for a small little apartment
for what for me is my happiness my
wife's gonna give up WIC we're gonna be
together I don't care that I don't all
my house that doesn't bother me
I don't care my family or friends say oh
you don't want to have anymore
listen not many people do all that
houses the lights on the houses for a
start but secondly it doesn't bother me
I've got not ego in relation to that
what I am doing is controlling my own
life I'm living life on my own terms and
my wife's happy that's the best way and
going back to banks on that to be fair
we don't own exactly nothing
we're here for a very very short amount
of time we're leasing almost everything
in life you know to me we don't own
nothing and all your own only thing your
own is your own happiness their own
mindset and yourself absolutely and like
you said you and your wife are happy
that's when you care about a lot of the
people out there to care about the kids
and their parents and that's what they
should be this I think time is more
valuable than money you know I mean the
most most important commodity you can
get money all day long you'll get that
forever at the time you never get that
back and that's me saying it because
that time I lost with my parents I'll
never get anything I get that back yeah
me growing up as a most of my friends
used to go back school
don't open the door go back home sorry
don't open the door one day mom and dad
a day no I didn't have that feeling I
didn't know what it's like growing up
with parents or what it's like being
with you in a moment dad and my mom and
dad had to go through a lot they have to
cry you know they're always out
every day have known a magic I mean I'm
not a parody I can only imagine how hard
that must've been a song he was always
said to my mom and dad I said no there's
people are there I've lost you know the
parents in walls and this was going on
now and people are you know dying and I
said don't worry I'm fine and
everything's good
and I always came that positive energy
and that thing that I'm gonna do well
don't worry come off it and I will never
basically we say flop come so I'm gonna
prove everyone wrong don't worry and
same people they used to criticize us
they don't even want to look at me now
yeah yeah I know I still pull my hand
out unshaken because that's not the way
of yours just because they hate you
doesn't mean you have to hate back don't
go on to their level yeah and most
likely reason that they have these kind
of opinions or something positive stuff
is because really it's an opinion about
themselves so when they see you doing
stuff or saying you're gonna do
something they believe they can't do it
and that's what it is I had it well I
mean when I was 25
I'm 25 slate and I was like 42 pounds
overweight
heavier than I was now tits and
everything and I would but I want to go
and box it every single person close to
me other than my mom I like my brother
and like my immediate family were like
you can't do it straightaway
dad already decided my fate in here just
incredible how do you guys know you
haven't seen me try I wasn't as good as
when I was 17 when I first know but I
was like oh because I was so like
focused I was like respond I think I
could do something because I had an
Olympic coach who told me I could do it
and I was at surely his opinion in that
field matters a little bit more than
your opinion yet but then saying that if
I never had that guy tell me that I
probably would have believed it and I
probably would never have tried it and I
still say to this day those two years
are the best years of my life I never
achieved the things that I want to do
chief but I built my counter and I built
my strength and I built so much about me
as a person
yeah in those two years that I think is
really important that was me literally
ignoring people's opinions or definitely
urge people shut up everything the thing
is that when people when people say to
another person you can't do it who are
they don't you are needy they're
nobodies they just feel like that but
themselves that they Condor is on you
can do it
and it's good in a way because when you
start thinking like that you get
stronger and you think to yourself you
know what that's true who are they to
tell me and you that's why sometimes
that period of my life where I got
criticized judged I probably took any
now people but they won't do to my faith
but yeah but you need them people
sometimes because they've got a issue
with themselves in within themselves of
course but they're taking it out on
others but you need these people because
you use them as a competitive thing like
you know what I'm gonna prove you wrong
there and it helps you it pushes you
even more and it's just forget it I just
have this quote from the whole two years
on my wallpaper on my phone and it was I
do because I can't I come because I want
to I want to because you said I couldn't
and that's what it was because there was
so many people that said I couldn't yeah
I'm just gonna go and do this now yeah
almost to prove them wrong so I get that
yeah it's very hard but like I said
everyone goes to so much through life
and you mentioned the depression thing
earlier and obviously you know you found
fighting as your way of kind of
releasing energy and helping you and all
the benefits of exercise on mental
health and depression yeah how did you
overcome it or is it something that you
still feel you battle with now I think
um I don't have it no more now basically
up in a way but back then when I was a
kid I didn't know it was depression okay
but it was but I realized after
afterwards it what it was because going
in a room lock yourself up and crying is
just as a 12 year old and I was 10 to 12
that's when it was the main period and
it was a bit more you wouldn't realize
and you think one more crank you just
you know but that's what's going on your
head is telling you
Danya you're on your own you got no one
there your mom and dad that's so far
away you know you have all these
thoughts going through your head and
negative thoughts basically and he
started from there and I worked myself
in a way thinking and first of all
sports was helping me anyway keeps your
mind of things you know like I always
say to people find a hobby don't have to
become a sport do any sport it could be
anything you know sitting playing on
PlayStation yeah sometimes it gets your
mind off things remind some well
absolutely and the way I overcome it is
basically I was just
one day I'll just come home and thinking
to myself I'm about 14 now and I'm done
it in ages and I was thinking to myself
hold on I felt alone I'm not sitting
there I was thinking and no one cares
about me you know I want to go back to
Germany I don't want to be here no more
but then I started thinking these people
started coming all in my head that
criticized me and just my family my
parents basically and everything and I
said if I go back now and give up I
gotta hear that for rest of my life and
my mom and dad will have to hear that
say he didn't make nothing of himself he
ain't done nothing so at 14 I have to
think and more 14 year olds they don't
think about us knowing no chance I have
to prove after thinking my head don't
think you know what I can't do this I
give up no matter how hard it becomes I
will not give up I was there yeah and
prove everyone wrong and I'm not telling
everyone that it's easy to do you know
depression is it's a very I don't think
it's looked into as much it should be
and it's quite hard and not many people
can overcome it
because they feel that there's no one
day and of course you know I mean until
not only in the hard way
look I didn't speak to no one I used
myself as in I'm gonna do this I'm gonna
do that I'm gonna prove them wrong and
I'm gonna give it a go I'm not gonna
give up and then I never gave up from
they carried on I went through a lot of
stuff through it throughout then as well
I lost my grandparents in India mum or
my dad's mom and dad both died day after
each of that and especially a funeral
day it's a very different thing I've
gone I've lost fights that's made me
feel down you know I've had shit
performances fights I've been criticized
judged again this was around 18 19
so through in my whole life there's been
bits and bobs but I had that one thing
in my head I don't give a fuck I am NOT
gonna give up and I'm gonna carry on and
today people respect you for it you know
people think you know who's strong
minded person yeah definitely and now
I'm just too old I'm getting I feel like
my body might not be the same that I was
when
was 18 I'd like mmm fire and then got
the punches got the kid speed whatever
but in my head I'm still that lion and
he still there and if I have to do
something I know I can do it my body
might have to be shattered even if it's
not fighting or whatever is all training
using that one is yeah unify they say
people lose their jobs they get
redundant the baffled they don't know
what to do they go to a pub they start
drinking no cuz they don't used to
thinking one fuckin into the world
no walk through that door be happy mmm
see your family
what about girlfriend kids where that
smile say you know what
tomorrow's another day absolutely simple
as that to do them and that's the way to
overcome things it's hard it's it's not
easy I'm not saying it's easy but you
know yeah I think you need mindset yeah
you've got like an athletic like a top
top level of mindset but the things
you're saying is you're not saying you
don't feel it as well yeah you still
feel pain you still feel this struggle
or making a hole and you're not Superman
like nobody wants to wake up and running
the cold but you have to do cos
necessary you have to do and if anything
if we can train ourselves whether it's
through exercise combat sports or
whatever it is like any goals we have is
it going to discipline yourself yes
that's really where you get your rewards
yeah
discipline yourself alone you have to
discipline your mind and your you have
to think right and it's just like like
you said it's not easy but what isn't
easy
nothing's easy in life and this is a
thing and I think I'm not sure of the
right word for it but I feel a little
bit sorry for people who haven't been
through the hardship in life or suffered
as much because it's more difficult for
them to put themselves in somebody like
yourselfs position yeah see the thing is
you had your back against the wall you
had no other choice easy there look I
quit and this is the end now or I keep
fighting forward and you're calling
forward stand by swing it's true even as
a kid like when I was in Germany going
through being bad influence through I
was only seven eight and I wasn't doing
theft and that and literally you know
just I think the only time one thing I
remember is getting my head kicked in by
a bunch of sixteen year olds me I'm a
I'm
seven years eight years old but that was
the life growing up in the state and I
think coin from coming from Frankfort
they stay area there and come into hands
with it's just as bad well yeah I bought
that mentality to England that no one's
gonna fuck with me and I am Who I am I
see and they've helped me I don't know
me I remember last time getting in
trouble here in England you know just
stay disciplined and then what I have to
do found a talent kept up with it kept
my head strong you know regardless of
what happens in life they're gonna be
ups and downs gems are gonna come that's
no matter what they don't matter who is
okay you can be a celebrity you can be
yeah multi-millionaire credit they're
all going through storms and they all
come through life where they stressed
and they're whoever but the carrier of
the carrier they don't give up you know
and that's the way to be to be basically
and I carried on to be fair I bought
that same mentality it took time and
like I said I still you have ups and
downs now I have ups and downs now and
then but doing that thing like waking up
in the morning how makes it positive
it helps Lord and I hope people try that
this you try all right definitely I mean
I've started yeah I told you you'd like
to get people to start it because it's
important out and the thing that's
important is you showed your under
ability there so we all know you as this
tough guy yeah you know kicking ass all
over all over the world but it's good to
have wannabe of you as a human saying
look I still struggle that's it but like
you said you've got two choices you
before you go backwards and yours is
always to go forward keep looking
forward and don't look back basically if
you start looking back you living in the
past of course live in the moment that's
what we've gone the future that's got to
be fair forget the future the past live
in the limit yeah I believe in that
moment you know you wake up that's your
day live in that moment that time that
you got in that lake every minute hour
whatever counts yeah and giving that
moment I love it future is a plan past
is gone forget that and the moment is
what you're gonna do then whatever you
do in the day doesn't mean I'm telling
people to train or whatever not as
athlete wise as a normal human being
wise find happiness first
in yourself and think positive and what
your mind just starts changing myself
I'm just living that moment I love it
that's the best way brilliant bro I
appreciate that great lessons there um I
would ask you then another question and
so I know you're not scared of like
combat and stuff stuff that most people
a normal person on their own will be
scared of confrontation is tough because
obviously you've been then you're not
just competing against a normal person
throw it you're competing against
somebody who's trained and probably just
as hard as you yeah but other than that
what else in life scares you then you
know what be honest I've never feared
anything to be fair the only thing I
fear and as in person who Dean he's
probably my parents losing my parents I
don't feel nothing else I can go back to
the bottom I know I'll rise up again
nothing fears me but we all know that we
get old at one point and we're gonna use
people we love and it's a hard thing and
especially like me that I haven't spent
time with them as much as I want to do
my life and try my best I'll do
everything now a lot of people ask me
what you want you go holiday come with
you mate so I can do that whenever of
course at that time I have off I'll go
home and that time I spend with my mom
and dad it's the most important time in
my life and I think if I fear anything
it's losing my parents in life basically
nothing else fears me I could lose wah
wah lose my house I can lose my job I'll
do whatever is but you can't replace
that you can't replace certain things
your parents are one thing that you
can't replace you loved once something
you know and that is my fear
we take you for granted yeah we do
another fear that a lot it's it's
something that you know you gotta accept
it one day it's no and but you don't
want it to come and that's the fear you
have any you've got the right mentality
though that every day is you basically
seize the day
yeah so you make the most of it I'm the
same I think that probably one of my
biggest fears as well my immediate
family obviously if you know is you do
and I know a lot of people use that
dreams to inspire my sometimes use like
my nightmares to inspire me so I I
sometimes I know it sounds a bit morbid
but it's like just imagine if this is
their everlasting
do you know what I mean
that requires we have to really give my
all on the day because my my end game is
for them to have their life that they've
always wanted a do you know mean until
they have to find that for them so if
you always because I'm not the longer
you take the more chance it is of that
day coming that's it yeah that makes it
and you're right that is using that is
basic I use the same thing like I always
think the opposite I think to myself you
know it's God forbid something happens
to him that's why I booked my ticket on
the last minute hang on when I have that
time off it can be two days three days
I'm their dog of course no catch the
flight I'm gone you know I mean I could
use that money to do anything I want I
don't know anywhere in the world if I
want some toys and do I want but that
time I spend with them that's the best
was the best time and even if he's just
sitting at home and just talking to
having it laughing just chilling it
can't be no there's no that's the only
thing I personally fear anything else I
don't feel like you can throw me in the
jungle with nothing you know I mean
obviously I'll come at what I've gotta
do and going back to the bottom of my
advice by cooking I'm not scared normal
because you know once you've been there
yeah you don't fear to be there again
but you know how to wake yourself up
then yeah you can be poor rich but they
were still living our India and you see
poor people you see you know how people
live and how people are they still have
you know yeah you don't mean it's crazy
easy it's still happy I'm going Thailand
back end of last year and I remember
this one particular family was a three
generation family and they were just
smiling in this very small hut where
clothes on the line that didn't look
like they were washed but they were
washed I don't mean that in any
disrespectful way but happiness it was
almost like an advert you know that when
you watch these business embolus and I
walked past it with the wife and we just
walking back to the hotel sir that's
bliss I mean like no God they've got
each other that's actually enough you
know those relationships they got
happiness love and I was like I love
that it did change my perception a lot
coming back from a place like that and I
think them as people especially in
today's society so glued to our
Instagram and we should go out there we
should look at these people and travel a
bit of the world and see how lucky we
actually are I went when I fought in
India for in Bombay and
it was a the poverty day was crazy and
poor but I've seen it remember going
growing past in the car on the right
hand side there's a mom with the two
kids and they seemed happy
they smiley and the kids were playing
and they ended up in the dirt
things are not change you know you're
gonna experience a lot that change and
you think you know always complain
complain why am i complaining but yeah
going back to the fear that's the only
thing I fear in life otherwise I don't
fear anything - yeah I was gonna say if
you don't see that the guys getting it
here
fair enough fair enough so I'm gonna
assume obviously your parents are your
big motivation but you're also like
you're inspiring other people as well
now so you when I've talked about your
Instagram yes if you're waking Mackenzie
away commit will China another minute as
well what keeps you motivated to still
keep that up because I'm not even about
day job as well yeah through touch phone
yeah so you went from network around is
it yeah engineer you're an engineer and
you do that full time when I see you I
just see you is it after you keep
finding people and doing amazing things
what inspires you in terms of keeping
that going is that just something that
you just enjoy this part of your life or
have you got a bigger inspiration to do
anything and I'll be honest you know
when it's been in use since 10 years old
it's an it is in your blood and you will
never give it up he's always gonna be in
you that attitude that fighter mentality
that been there done it and he inspires
me in a way that I used to do this it's
the world I lived he was it's what made
me I'm not I'm not when people say know
me as me they know me as the fighter
yeah yeah no means nothing so easily
it's gonna live with me forever
yeah so that's why it pushes me to help
others I like to help but I like to be
in that environment in that gym
environment where kids are training it
reminds me of me and when these guys are
training for Big Show's big fights and
I'm holy punch to them I'm training him
it reminds me that I'll be through this
and I love it
I think it's great and Guilds all boys
and we have students that are little
kids from girls to boys and this so much
talent out there and I think it's just
brilliant
for them to get off the couch or hang on
the computers they enacted yeah I think
it's it's gonna be in me forever always
when it comes to that side I'll always
be there in that sport environment
because that's something that stuck with
me yeah yeah it's always there and I'm
always there to Harper I think this
interview is going to be interesting
though when people listen to it because
there's a lot more about this as well as
you as a person
yeah and I think you don't give yourself
credit for how wise and how emotionally
in terms of you you've obviously taken a
lot of knocks to the head as I telogen
because I listen to a lot of large
premieres and world leaders and most
people speak the same things so that the
max of everything is the same everyone's
trying to motivate us by I said there
was stuff but what it is we will have a
different way of communicating and yours
is obviously through your fight game but
some of the words you're saying today is
it's literally like I'm hearing it and
you can see how excited I'm when I'm
sitting here because I was just hearing
someone I admire lip killing it across
the game saying the same stuff yeah so
there's obviously a secret to the
success you know the secret ingredient
which people have it and whether it's
making money or whether it's inspiring
people are getting to the top of a
5-game the things you are speaking about
are amazing so hopefully this interview
gives that and I think you should
definitely try and showcase that more as
well we touched on mental health and
this is something we'll take offline
because I'm deuce a couple of projects
in mental health so my mom suffered with
it for eight years on know how serious
it is and I think having someone from so
of health and fitness background into it
there might be room for us to
potentially work together or something
to what help into poor people awareness
is tough so I'm excited for that because
I think you've got more than just horny
pants for people you've got a lot of
life why I like helping doing space of
that I don't see I'm doing yeah yeah
sometimes if my friends all my family or
even my parents of the day of negative
times on the talky negative I'm thinking
I'm explaining it to them yeah it's true
like you said you don't realize you have
that in your head you have it here like
you don't have to have a great a be
all agree but if you got general
knowledge in life and you know how to
especially help people I made people
happy no life experience is the main
thing a female nowadays this youths out
there that like that
you know I mean of course parents want
to give them everything on the plate
don't want to see them struggle but
they're not gonna experience life she's
not gonna not true no and I think the
best lesson they could teach at school
is how to control and understand your
own mind which is something that you've
had to do definitely cuz I remember last
time using science I use it a little bit
for fitness but generally speaking yeah
it's some of the stuff is okay yeah I
don't know how to pay tax and yeah of
course they should just be like a life
school or thing yeah yeah but I think
that's something that I'll probably do
with my kids because I'm not I've got
academics yeah then the whole degree the
Masters and stuff and it's not really so
me where I want to go look this stuff I
wanna do I don't actually need any of
that so for me it's like I've just
wasted so many years so when I get kids
and stuff I'd love first I'm gonna get
in the club box it's a little boxy
engineer sports all that's also but
generally speaking what I think when
they get to a certain age if they find a
passion or something they wanna do I
took their choice yeah absolutely their
choice and another thing I want to hit
on is basically a lot of people don't
realize this when there's no difference
between a girl and a boy a girl can do
anything that a boy can understand I
know girls are tough for the boys yeah
they're champions and I don't disagree
with the thing that a female can't do
what American you know they can do
anything anything that American and
nowadays females are more successful
than men really do what and he's just
the individual that's why yeah because I
get a lot of parents saying that oh yeah
my boys gonna do this but how about you
girl look of course it what means she
can't do that no example like fighting
or boxing
oh my boy he might not want to do that
but you go might become a world champion
be and it it's I mean yeah there's a lot
of female fighters now I'm seen coming
up as dangerous imagine you also is all
gonna bring on a female power lifter
it's just a normal girl that you
wouldn't think that
the power of technique and everything
they got and everything else boys this
got their own training and it's hard and
it's all a point athlete and fighting to
the sign as a person and human I'll be
through things but I'm still standing
okay so there you've heard it the buzzer
has gone off now we're gonna put Raj
through his paces and I'm gonna asking
the most random questions ever was 60
seconds so are you ready buddy yeah I'm
ready let's go okay brilliant three two
one what did you eat for breakfast see
ya the ability to fly or be invisible
visible money or fame money Bruce Lee or
Chuck Norris Bruce Lee your proudest
moment your favorite food pizza Netflix
or YouTube Netflix your number-one goal
this year just be healthy boxing or
kickboxing boxing
would you rather know how you will die
or when you were dying your favorite
boxer ever everything more or less your
favorite MMA fighter ever John Jones
love or money love books or movies
you're number one fitness tip your
favorite workout song yes if you could
sit with one person in the world for
another who would it be
not bad your worst fear is a child you
ever seen what is your biggest addiction
junk food summer or winter winter your
favorite place in the world India if you
could abolish one thing in the world
what would it be your favorite superhero
your biggest friend and the final
question is your favorite movie star
Robert De Niro really good stuff okay so
the next thing I ask is about reflection
so if you could go back to maybe an
earlier time in your life where you
could whisper something to your younger
self say for instance when you're first
coming to Tom that Airport yeah you
leavin funfair fine you comin up to
England and you can just whisper
something into that kids yeah knowing
what you know now what would you say if
I'll take it back to that time
when me when I first left Germany going
to that Airport back with my bags no
whispering to that kids hear my sob I'll
just say go there and smushy hmm you're
gonna make it okay
so we're actually at the last question
now and this is a question asked all on
my guess yeah and it's if you're not
hundred fifty years no members are
around anymore and all that exists is a
book book on the table and it's a book
about your life and everything that
you've done open to whenever you pass
and on that book what I wouldn't
obviously what the player would be and
secondly what the summary would tell us
about you at the back Montana would be
basically my favorite song with no one
knowing this notion of comedy it's my
way from Frank Sinatra okay love like my
book would be called my way yeah because
I've done everything my way the way I
wanted it to do the way I wanted it to
be and that's why I'll call it just my
way but a picture yeah okay straight
ahead my legs and the name my way and at
the back just a great human being
basically like how people and went
through the struggles through journey of
my life and a Beatle come my way my way
try and get the truck oh yeah I love
that song literally but um yeah that's
it really but that wouldn't be the book
and I will be the back the journey of my
life okay
that I destroyed my way no fantastic and
I've sort of said thank you again for
obviously sharing your story I knew it'd
be good my wife's been telling me for
ages brought myself as a podcasting back
in the day but she was like you need to
reach out to write you know it's got an
amazing stories inspiring
from the moment I met you today your
energy and stuff appreciate that
thank you very much days on I'm just
like as a friend now I'm proud of
everything you're achieving and what
you're doing going forward until your
parents are as well and just before we
close up the show what's the best place
the audience can connect with you or
follow your story they can connect with
me through Facebook social media
Instagram Facebook and your names for
the names are red silent
okay on Instagram only one radish salad
I like
and they're on Facebook right silent
I'll come up and you'll know
straightaway and you spout Raj Raj and
my second name is sa double L a and
fantastic so I do he's operating in the
show notes as well you'll find a lot of
like training footage as well I'm sure
there's a lot of mindset stuff in there
as well obviously if you throw a like
training like I knew actually before I
met you I was gonna want to go to the
gym after this episode so I've got my
shaker ready I've got my gym attire on
I'm going straight to the gym hopefully
inspires you guys but also inspires you
not to make excuses in your life because
there's always somebody out there who's
probably got it with so thank you
Raj and for everyone at home thanks for
listening and remember this podcast is
absolutely free so all we ask in return
is for you to share this with a friend
and drop us a five star review over on
iTunes
have an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 14 - "And still I rise" - Bep Dhaliwal #14
Tagline: "No matter what life threw at her, she felt the pain, she cried the tears, and then she chose to rise..."
The Queen at finding the Silver Lining, Bep Dhaliwal shares her incredible story. You may recognise her from her fantastic movement, Thrive 365 which focuses on life coaching and empowering others.
In this episode Bep discusses her incredible perspective on life, having overcome cancer and seen the damage it has done throughout her family and friends. Initially having a career in the Corporate world she has now transitioned into something more self-fulfilling and purpose driven.
Her infectious and positive attitude is evident as she has had to re-evaluate her own mission in life, focuses solely on helping to empower others.
A truly emotional story, which resonated with me personally due to Cancer being a common theme in my own family, I am grateful Bep shared her story and encourage you all to follow her journey.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bep.dhaliwal (Personal)
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Thrive365uk/ (Thrive 365)
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thrivebep/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bep-dhaliwal-coactivecoach/
Apple podcast app:
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/find-your-voice/id1448344412?mt=2
Stitcher:
https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/aren-deu/find-your-voice
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/show/3EYhA7LvSu8vi3sTL07GGs
JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aaron and as always I am the
host of the show so what a fascinating
story I've got lined up for you today
you see this person is not only
inspiring but she carries so much
strength and I have so much admiration
for her because life hasn't been easy
for her however she's not sitting there
making excuses she's not sitting there
playing the victim card in fact what
she's doing now if she's thriving 365
days of the year and while she's doing
that she's helping to the people so I
think it's really gonna hit home with
quite a few of us that listen to this
and I think there's certain parts of
this episode at least not gonna resonate
with you at least they resonate with me
because some of her stories I've
suffered similar stuff in my life
and maybe you have too and I think
there's real beauty in the way that she
describes a struggle and how she's
overcame it and how she's coping with it
on a daily basis today so I think what
I'm gonna do is jump straight into this
one again it's always more fun listening
to the guest than myself let's get this
show on the way okay so I just want to
begin by obviously thanking the
listeners for tuning in to the show
today and more importantly our wonderful
guest today which is Bev Dahlia so how
are you doing today I'm really good
Winkie great too great to be on and
great to speak to as many people as we
can
fantastic fantastic so as we touched on
just before this off is always obviously
trying to get you on the show for quite
some time now mainly my fault I'd like
to rearrange because of my cold and my
tissues which I still have but I think
it's important for the listeners to get
to know you
a little bit and understand your story
so if you wouldn't mind if you could
just kind of tell us how you progress
through life and kind of ended up where
you are today okay and so as ayran said
my name's Bette I I suppose I'd probably
describe myself as a regular Indian girl
who was being brought up by some amazing
parents actually who have worked really
really hard so you know they were the
first generation to come to the UK they
put a lot of their dreams on hold in
terms of you know my dad wanted to be a
doctor and he ended up having to work in
a factory just you know bringing the
cash et cetera
they both had an amazing work ethic
which I think has helped me my brother
and my sister to really appreciate the
value of kind of working hard and you
know being respectful and looking out
for each other and caring and you know
family first sort of those kinds of
things so it was really privileged and
actually you know months all of that and
I was working hard
there was also loads of fun so you know
we've just laser fun things as kids not
with a lot of money but you know it's
just making time for each other really
and because my dad work shifts we'd have
a lot more quality time with him so that
was always really you know good so he
made sure that we played in that time
which was amazing and then went off to
university it was probably the first
Asian girl in our family to go to
university he see that had his ups and
downs so for me the ups were obviously
like loads of freedom and friendships
and it just felt like you know oh my I
had never really experienced freedom
before so it was just life with no
restrictions and it really sparked
something in me in terms of just being
independent and just on my own two feet
actually putting myself first you know
thinking about what it was that I wanted
and Load came from that so you know that
was a really important time in my life
after university and got married Church
you know chose the guy that I wanted to
marry because I kind of was
fresh to get married and unfortunately
that didn't really work out we you know
you kind of realized quite I realized
very early on that we were just living
life on very different you know my
upbringing had been different values in
life were very different
and there were later lessons you know I
really should have realized at that
point in terms of the power of trusting
your gut you know which I really should
have trusted even today and I didn't but
there was just a lot of pressure to you
know I suppose to live the dream that I
suppose for some respect you know my
parents had given me the freedom to go
to university I owed them something back
and although I chose this guy you know
but we we all learn a lot in that
process my parents in terms of a spaced
out strong and independent I can be for
me it was just a case of wow sometimes
it's really important listen to your
parents and their gut instincts but you
know don't worry about it and that's the
biggest thing for me is that you know
yes it was you know seven or eight years
of my life but who I then became was a
person that I just think wow I would
never become that person if I had stayed
in that kind of relationship or not been
through that yeah exactly not been
through that and then I suppose you know
had a few years of again being single
and enjoying my life and then I met the
right guy and got married and then
cancer came along and threw in some
curveballs so very early on into our
marriage
probably about eighteen months in I
think so yeah so that's me yeah faith in
terms of just that additional element of
Who I am I am I supposed part of the
other theme that kind of ran through was
I had a 20-year kind of corporate career
so I was working you know in a big
corporate business for 20 years in
various different roles sales marketing
PR and I were recently left in 2017 and
set up my own business called Wray 365
and it's literally about how you can
thrive every day I love it
okay thank you for sharing that you're
doing this thing now which is thrive 365
obviously I'm assuming because of your
cancer situation and it's kind of change
the whole perspective on life and I
follow use now on social media not in a
stalking way but I'm very inspired by
your messages and the work that you're
doing out there have you always been
positive inspiring motivational have you
always thought about doing something
perhaps like this in your life or is it
because of the circumstances that you
would doubt you felt no actually I need
to give up this corporate life and I
need to have a shift in my life it's
definitely been because of a second
sentence is not I've never ever thought
about running my own business you know
even than my parents
did you know my mom had a sound wave is
Ness and we all bought up in that and I
realized how much hard work cause that's
never been my thing my thing has eaten
go you know bring in you know a safe
salary and I think for me it was always
a case of them you know and bring home
you know a decent enough salary in terms
of living a nice quality of life and but
but then it was always that case of for
me it's factly I suppose even after the
divorce it was a case of actually
there's more to life than work and work
was my nine-to-five but it was what I
did outside of those hours was what
enriched me and really kind of like
bought more perspective to my life and
that's where I wanna see a lot of my
energy but the cancer definitely made me
made me really stop and think about what
I wanted the rest of my life to be about
and it wasn't necessarily my
nine-to-five I've have had cancer in my
family kind of ripped through it as well
and it does completely change your
perspective and I'm not I'm not saying
it was a reason I kind of gave up
corporate because I gave that up for a
different reason but I think if it was
to happen at that time I'd probably
start to reassess my life as well and I
guess that's kind of one of the reasons
I I want to do this podcast is because I
don't want people to wait for a
situation or a circumstance in their
life in order for them to kind of think
do you know what I better make the most
of my life all of a sudden because a lot
of us is just going through autopilot in
our life to this shame it's a shame to
see because we can do so many beautiful
and wonderful things out there
could we just if you wouldn't mind just
expand a little bit just so the
listeners know in relation to the Thrive
365 yes sure say and I think for me like
you said and I think you've already
recognized as well just you know cancer
made me really really stop and
reevaluate everything in my life and the
one thing I realized that you know that
I really wanted to do was to to make the
most of every day and there's something
about and thriving doesn't mean that
you're living life 100 miles an hour
sometimes thriving for me is literally
sitting in front of the telly watching
Grey's Anatomy because that is the bit
that that chills me out and that's the
program I just have to watch on my own
and it just settles me and it you know
it does everything and I am ready then
to face the world after I've had that
hour and so thriving but it's just
knowing you know knowing that actually
what is it and it's so personal and it's
so individual as to what it takes for
somebody to thrive every day and so
within my business that's what I'm doing
I'm helping individuals through
one-to-one coaching in terms of
understanding themselves better and then
also you know going into corporates and
I'm just the on-site coach that again
goes in it just holds that space for
people to be seen and heard and to feel
like they they value their valued and
that they matter because I think there
was something so I suppose about you
know not living life on everybody else's
terms and expectations and I think
absolutely for me it's that journey of
knowing who you are and I didn't really
know who I was until even I suppose
actually was the it was after when I
decided to get divorced I also decided
to invest in a life coach which was the
best thing ever and she really helped me
work on my values because I was so stuck
about who I was and everything obviously
had been turned upside down for me and I
just thought I don't know how to
navigate forwards and you know and she
appeared at the right time and just
helped me recognize my value you say
that every decision I then made with him
my values were embedded in those
decisions
and I think that really helped fantastic
I resonate so much with that in relation
to my corporate life I actually I did I
didn't employ a life college similar to
yourself but why did is I had somebody
he was a lot wiser than me at the time
asked who I saw as a mentor and he he
actually asked me the question Erin what
are your values in ethics and it's one
of the question where you know it as a
kid I suppose or you kind of live by a
certain way but then you kind of forget
it and you like the whole autopilot and
then all of a sudden i sat there I
thought I don't actually know the answer
to that and I remember sitting there and
I went home that evening us I used to
stay by myself in a hotel when I was
working and I sat there and actually
googled ethics definition and I was
looking around to kind of get some
inspiration and then when I started to
write it down it wasn't far along after
I say about five or six months later I
actually give up corporate world for
forever and I then went on to become a
social worker and kind of attaching
things that resonate with myself in
terms of giving back and stuff so yeah I
find that really interesting that you
said that I was gonna say that that's
great that you actually were able to
hear that and take action against it
because I just I don't think I
definitely didn't realize that I didn't
know what my values were I knew that
things would trigger me and I'd get
upset but I didn't realize it was
because something whatever that
situation was was treading on my values
mmm-hmm and I think there's so much in
that you know the corporate world is
amazing the you know for giving you
perspective and introducing you to
people that have that awareness and that
can mentor you and I've learned so much
in you know my 20 year career but I just
think you sometimes it's those life
experiences that still you know help
absolutely and I think you hit the nail
on the head when you said about knowing
who you are and the funny thing is I
think so many people including myself at
some stage I didn't know who I was and
it's such a simple question but I think
I kind of wish that everyone can just
maybe take time out of their day or in
the weekend or something just a
collective thing is everything I'm doing
in my daily life it
is it working towards my core values at
least because if you can align those in
whatever other sector is you will find
some level of fulfillment happiness I
mean that's kind of my take on it and it
is it's about the alignment piece and I
just think I wish this stuff could be
taught in schools in terms of I didn't
talk quite recently citizen teenagers
and I was desperate to say to them
please don't lose sight of what your
passion is now so be it sport BR keep
something that's just yours
because that will be also be a piece of
how you thrive you know almost every day
because you need to have something that
connects with you and and I suppose one
of my other biggest life lessons is
everything starts with you and you know
everything everything is centered but if
we don't take the time to know who we
are or our triggers are what our
passions are then that's quite often
when we last and we stand we get on this
we live life on other people's terms and
you know with other people's
expectations and then actually that's
when you then end up potentially getting
ill because you realize that you are
living you know very stressful life
because it's not in alignment and that's
when I think sometimes you know the
awareness hits and sometimes that's too
late you know because the illness or
whatever is that's happened is there and
i reaiiy mutl on that page of let's do
this early let's just realise now and
you know you you you can change you can
find a way absolutely to help in
understanding yourself better and live
life in a so you know so much more
empowered way but yeah I can relate to
what it's like in a corporate life
you've got early starts you've got late
late evenings and you're pretty much
working more than the state seven and a
half hours that you're contracted to
your life's change now and you're I
suppose you're kind of living it on your
own terms have you got any sort of daily
habits or anything in relation to
routine where people who perhaps are
going through this phase where they're
trying to find themselves and they're a
little bit lost could perhaps adopt or
maybe kind of alter and
use yeah I suppose one of the things
because my you know my my weeks my
months are all very very different
because I'm kind of out doing later
different things networking you know
meeting new people you know doing some
client work it's all really really
varied but something I realized is
especially in terms of you know walking
my talk how do i thrive every day and
and i think there is something around
that that i know i'm gonna have a good
day if I literally do you know start
with exercise in the morning but then
there's something about you know that
then triggers me to then eat well
through the day will be much more aware
of what I'm eating but then also I think
there's something about taking time for
myself so I you know I have I actually
really enjoy time on my own in terms of
you know either listening to a
meditation doing a bit of journaling you
know I don't have a set time in which I
do that and actually give myself a bit
of a break on some of that stuff and
think actually you know what do I feel
like today like what is going to enrich
me what's going to feed my soul today
and sometimes it's actually even just
connecting with certain people that I
know do that for me as well I spend a
lot of time with my family
and so I've got two young nephews and I
you know where I can they're probably
you know them and my parents are the
ones I think okay I'm gonna get a buzz
from spending some time and that's the
freedom and flexibility I love working
for yourself that you can factor in time
to do you know and suspend where you
know you're gonna get a lot in return
and it is going to enrich you and these
are things that I don't want to ever
look back on my life and think I didn't
make time for the right people and and
all of that so I think having the
freedom and flexibility is what I really
appreciate but also I've realized
stepping away from corporate now just
how free I am to learn and grow in
subjects and areas that literally feed
my soul so
I'm a passionate you know I just feel
this so much more I've got to learn and
so I do you know spend quite a bit of
time in terms of reading absorbing
thinking out how I can use some of this
information with my clients and so I'm
just constantly feeding myself like
knowledge but also experience and giving
myself time to still get to know myself
a lot more and I've kind of said my
husband and myself a challenge this year
that this year is all about us in on an
individual level so what is it that we
both need to do for ourselves so that we
are still connected and I kind of feel
like I although I am connected to myself
I still feel there's so much more I need
to know about myself and I think that
typically again the whole you know I'm
the big sister I all my energy goes on
everybody else and and I need to write
what I really want to just stop and
think actually stop focusing on
everybody else focus on you and what is
it that you need I think you need to
obvious if it's like the analogy you
need to fill your own cock before you
can fill out the people's up there's so
many fantastic points you saw you spoke
about there you walk in the taught
you're getting to know yourself and I
think in a relationship and being in
relationship myself as well just getting
to know yourself and your own needs as
an individual I think his song yeah so I
love my wife to bits she's my rock she's
everything and she allows me to do what
I'm doing today
but we've also I'm very fortunate that
she thinks similar to myself we both
realize we have our own needs as well
and I think you need to all as
individuals but ourselves kind of first
and I know it kind of sounds selfish but
in order if you can do that right I
think that we can obviously give so much
more out to the world yeah and I don't
you know I've kind of challenged you
know I've always thought oh my god is it
selfish is it selfish and I realize
actually it really isn't that self
nurture and that self-love and self-care
just means that you you do fill your own
cup first you know you are the best
person you can be
and then other people benefit from that
they don't burn a curd and InTouch and
all of those kinds of things I think
people it's so much more from when you
are in a good place so whatever you need
to do to get yourself into that good
place first that's what everybody
benefits absolutely i 100% agree i think
the hardest probably point is for anyone
who's very giving in the nature and
actually is to kind of flip that breath
but yeah i think you've hit the nail on
the head I've seen massive improvements
in my life my wealth my health and
everything and by taking that slightly
selfish approach and to be honest it
doesn't even need to be anything
extensive so what I do is I wake up an
hour before my wife and within that hour
I will listen to something that will
help me mentally and I'll go to the gym
within that hour so by the time I come
back I'm then fully present and focused
on like my relationship and then the
work and he just it just works so much
better so yeah fantastic the the next
thing I always like to kind of ask my
guess is about adversity and I know I
know some of your story and I know with
the kinds of scare as well I mean if you
feel comfortable could you explain
perhaps maybe for listeners who could be
going through a similar situation or can
resonate with your story a particular
example of when you've you've gone
through this adversity and it's like a
particular day and how you overcame it
and I think more importantly the lessons
you've learned from it because I think
that's really important that hopefully
that can give some insight to the
listeners yeah sure so and you know
cancer is my story really and if you'd
have said to me years ago you know what
do you want to be named or like I would
never have chosen cancer but it has
literally is big it's become the very
unwelcome visitor in my family who keeps
on showing up and bringing a different
friend every time which is just really
really annoying but you can either drown
with all of that or you can find a way
through and and I've chosen to find a
way through and I suppose our story
started I suppose in in 2012 and my
husband was diagnosed with lymphoma so
that's a blood cancer and that you know
obviously
just knocked the not Dez off her feet
completely because he was the one
actually narration when a relationship
who is a healthy one and actually my
family a lot of people would look at my
husband and think no this guy's me this
guy goes to the gym and he eats well and
you know and he's a good guy and and so
that really shook and it was the first
kind of real experience in my immediate
family of cancer and his family and so
we you know we didn't know how to deal
with it we didn't know how to cope with
it what we realized you know very
quickly was you know you lose all sense
of kind of control and you become part
of the system and so even for me I you
know being the person on the sidelines
that wasn't really able to do anything
so as a carer you know it took hist oh
because everything centered you know
around the cancer and everything
centered around his treatment is
all-encompassing and it's over thing you
you just think live breathe cancer what
are we gonna do and and then you get
stuck in the system of like okay we're
gonna do chemo and his and his chemo
started straight away and you know and
you get into a regime takes loads of
different drugs in between chemo cycles
and and yeah it was the it was it was
mental you know as a family like
everybody was just like how did we deal
with this and and that can cause tension
in itself because everybody wants to
protect to make him better
of course you know and I think so that
was really really tough in terms of
navigating how we were approaching it
and in the end my parents were amazing
and you know my husband fainted after
his first chemo when we were just at
home and so my parents said actually you
know you can't do this on your own and
so we moved in with them so that I could
still do a little bit of work work for
me were they saying as an employer and I
had an amazing boss who basically just
said he's your priority look after him
and work when you can so I was so so
lucky just kind of to it with you know
is really they were so supportive and I
know how lucky we are because that isn't
often the case in cancer journeys
and so we just kind of fell into a
routine in terms of managing symptoms
the one thing it really did bring home
was oh my god do we stress about stuff
that really isn't important you know and
use every day yeah I know because I
think we all think we're invincible and
nothing's going to happen to us and so
we get ourselves so caught up in things
that aren't important and so we realized
you know when he was on that journey and
and every day and you know in his 21
days there's always different as to how
he would feel and there are some nice
side you know like people get angry and
you know and and miserable because of
what the drugs are doing to them and so
there's lots of things you don't see in
terms of you know from cancer and and
but we did start enjoying simple things
so just going for a walk you know we're
going for a cup of tea in a cake all of
these simple things that we so take for
granted suddenly it became so big
because whenever he was actually up to
it and was able to do that that was a
big thing in our day so so that was
tough and then on a holiday to celebrate
the end of his cancer journey so he was
really lucky and he he responded really
well to treatment and he was in
remission and then we went on holiday to
celebrate the end of his treatment and
him going back to work and then on
holiday I found a lump in my breast so
look at that so that I mean that was the
bit that it was hard because you know we
obviously thought we were we were at the
end of it and and we were and for me
that was really hard because because I
just wasn't used to putting myself first
or even being the center of anything
will essential attention and and the one
the biggest learning I suppose from that
whole journey was it made me realize
that I matter I didn't realize that all
that should be eating had um a bit and
actually I'm so grateful for cancer for
making me realize that
you know it totally made me step off
that treadmill of life that was the
trigger for me in terms of you know okay
now it made me question everything
everybody in my life everything that I
did how I was living my life and
obviously I'm so so grateful that both
of us got through it you know I I have
obviously been part of some journey
sense where people haven't got through
it and you know a really good friend of
mine like one of my best friends who
really stepped up when I was going
through my treatment and she just you
know happened to be on maternity leave
at the time and so we ended up spending
a lot of time together and I can
honestly say that she since then has
become my real sunshine pal and so I saw
her whereas other people didn't know
what to say
and it's awkward and people avoid you
when and things like that she rose to
the occasion and she stepped in and and
she just became you know I'd like to go
see her and she just whisked me off for
tea and cake and do things you know we
didn't have a nice lunches some lovely
lovely things and who knew that
literally in that year in 2013 as I was
going through my journey her and her
husband then moved from where they were
living in Windsor up to Nottingham share
and which would be near her family
because she just had her second child
and then her husband got diagnosed with
bowel cancer and sadly he dies in 2016
at the edge of that overall and I just
think but you know mine and Louise's
relationship as a result of all of this
is it has become so tie and so strong
even though we've got distance between
us in miles how she actually has
inspired me beyond belief in terms of
how you how you face death because sadly
we hate talking about death but you know
death is a part of life and and actually
being at the end being there at the end
when you know George very peacefully
buried I'm seeing how she was and how
she shared that with her two boys who
were three and one and a half
literally today inspires me to my core
every single minute of how she dealt
with that and how she continues to deal
with it actually so much so that
shameless plug here we are going to do
overall cod cuts terms of adversity and
you know um what it how it can change
your life and in a way but better if you
if you allow it if you hold it yeah if
you choose to see things differently and
it is all about perspective and the gift
in the suffering you know so there is
something that can come from it and
that's why we do you know of course our
own little sunshine tribe people that we
know will always hold that space for us
and will always let us live loudly live
big dream big be the best that we can be
the first thing I want to say is uh you
you spoke about gratitude day I'm just
very grateful hearing your story and I'm
thankful that you're able to share this
for me I was getting I was getting a
little choked up myself a little bit
there because I can relate in terms of
cancer just ripping through families and
causing this heartache
and I sincerely hope that you know the
kinds of scares for yourself your
husband and for your friend and for
anyone out there really that you know
that they're long gone and that we find
a solution and you know your health goes
from strength to strength you you also
you touched on some amazing things and
one of my wallpapers on my phone is
actually there's beauty in the struggle
it's just a little quote and it comes
from a song but I think at that time we
always think you know it's just
happening to us and the world is
happening to us and it's it's all about
perception and I been through quite a
bit as I'm sure the listeners have and
yourself and I really have managed to
start changing my perception when
something bad happens to myself and I
think it's made me the person that it is
today you touched on beautiful little
things like just going for a walk and
having a slice of cake with a cup of tea
and I think we often forget these little
things because we're in this world where
we see social media and we chase and
this we're chasing this dream that some
celebrity or some improv
has got on there we get the beauty lies
already within us and it's within reach
yeah and I think sometimes we're chasing
this stuff because we think we're not
enough and you know and we need to
constantly be feeling like there's more
there's more you know and I just
sometimes I just think there's so much
in the simplicity of a moment where
you're not actually doing anything is
just you're with the right people you
know and there's just something magical
that if we stopped and and stopped it's
a really big word for me right now in
terms of stuff and just let it be or
fully appreciated it was you know I kind
of think this this one moment in time
right now is the only one that we can
influence absolutely and it's the one
that's going to be you know if we
appreciate how good we've got it right
now in this very moment then we realize
how blessed and how lucky we are because
we can't influence you know we all have
dreams on what we want for the future
we've got experiences in the past that
have shape does and I you know I've had
to realize that I'm not going to have
all the dreams that I wanted and my life
has not gone the way it when I was 20
that I kind of expected it to go but boy
am i a richer person because of air
sometimes we don't know what's good for
us and what is in and and if I don't
make the most of the rest of my life now
I've got the choice to realize that I'm
not forever and you know and right now
how blessed am I for the experiences
I've had up to now and I know that there
will be loads more twists and turns in
this life then was I've always got a
choice in how I respond and I've got a
choice - you know I would definitely say
acknowledge the emotions acknowledge
everything that comes your way give it
space to let it teach you something you
know I still know that a lot of my
cancer journey for myself I did it in
through denial you know I kept on
putting a smile on my face is what
people needed around me that's the other
thing I want to anyone going through a
cancer Joe
just just expect the family and friends
just know that that patient quite often
and is having to be really really strong
you I mean because they can see the fear
in your face and actually I know the
thing that really helped me through my
journey was having a counselor she was
the person that I could go to that you
know wasn't you know a close family or
friend and and she was the one I could
go to and say what if I die you know
what do I need to acknowledge in my life
how do I prepare myself if that is
because you when you get the cancer
diagnosis you face your mortality
it's a massive smack in the face you
know and you realize have I done
everything I've wanted to do up to now
and like you said earlier in the podcast
don't wait you know for the cancer
diagnosis don't wait for that you know
another massive illness or something
live like now because you know if you
trust any of them and they are true I'm
sure all like the stats that are out
there by 2020 so next year one in two of
us are going to be affected by cancer at
some point in our lives and although my
family's taking taking one for the team
in quite a big way I I still think it's
more you know just to stop and
acknowledge the power of you right now
and living the life that you want to
live on your terms absolutely absolutely
I I want to talk about something just
after this first point the first point
is that just in relation to what you
said there and you you you got yourself
a cunt counsellor sorry to speak to you
about having been through would you have
preferred your family to maybe speak to
you openly about it rather than kind of
see as the elephant in the room because
I only ask that because I find it very
very difficult if like when my uncle's
got it or when my uncle passed away with
it do you kind of speak to him about it
and it was always kind of we just
ignoring and pretend everything's happy
and we're all smiling yet we'd go home
and we'd feel sad and then I I know they
would be sad would you employ people to
kind of maybe have that conversation or
do you think it's best left with the
next day
source like a counselor I think
everyone's unique and everybody or you
know because knowing that I use denial
as a coping mechanism I'm not sure that
I would have been ready for certain
family members to say to me okay tell me
what's going on here and how you're
feeling it was actually safer for me to
have somebody outside of my circle and
because I was in denial
putting the smile on for everybody else
and you know and navigating through it
did help the other big thing I probably
really do want to share at this point is
within the Asian community we really
need to start talking about cancer
because it is here it exists and we run
away from it and I know these only my
husband was diagnosed and actually you
know there's a lot of people in our
family still don't know that we bake had
it because we bore a smile or carried on
and and you know I had the most amazing
wig and so I had the most amazing hair
every single day and and so I just think
you know I even turned up at family
functions where people didn't know and
partly because we weren't able to deal
with their handling of it so in a way
I'm not saying everybody should know and
everyone deals with it differently but I
knew that if the more people be told the
more you don't managing their emotions
about the situation than having the
energy to focus on yourself and to do
what's right to get you through it so
there's no right or wrong everyone has
their own way of doing dealing with it
but I think acknowledging it as a family
if that person I shared it with you and
taking the time just to say you know
what can I do how can I help the procure
thing I remember typing a friend of mine
who's whose friend had it I remember
saying to her she said what can I do and
said take her sunshine I said you know
she doesn't want to talk about so all
the time you know she actually just
wants you to acknowledge her as her she
wants you to
you know she can still talk about the
weather she can tell you what she
watched on telly last night
cancer is all-encompassing and sometimes
you just want to break from it and you
talk about other things and you want to
talk about things that you talked before
and the one thing I know I craved was
normality I was so desperate to go back
to the life I had before cancer
Peyman and and you know I can like you
know I'm so full that I can go back to
you know typically the life was like
before now because you know within a
much better place and I know that's not
the case for everybody but know that
when you're on the journey the one thing
you're craving is normality that's
really powerful thank you for sharing
that I think that's that's a great point
and the like you said the Asian
communities everything seems to be a
taboo in the Asian community whether
it's cancer whether it's mental health
it's kind of everything is just brushed
entirely under the carpet which is a
shame but I'm just I just want to go
back to my initial point I really want
to do just highlight you said earlier in
the podcast that I this unwelcome
visitor cancer and you'll be known for
cancer in your eyes and I just want you
to know and I sincerely mean this is
that I think you're an amazing soul and
you'll be remembered for a lot more than
that you'll be remembered from this very
short interaction with yourself now your
inspiring is half out your kindness and
your endearing nature and I think all
the good things that cancer has brought
out of you because I believe it was
always within you to help other people
is truly amazing and you know I would
never just see you as that and that's
from our very short conversation so I
just wanted you to know that I'll bless
you I was I was gonna say that you know
I really want people to know that
there's joy joy runs through my core so
no matter what I kind of think please
find the joy in the simple things and
the big things in through everything I
just think you know just live a life
that is just full of that kindness love
and joy so I just think and that is
where I do walk my talk in terms of you
know making sure that I do find a way
through and you go I know you go what's
your biggest fear in this moment today I
think it is you knowing about what the
cancer has
I do I still fear of it returning a
ferret returning my husband for me for
you know other members of my family
because you know you just think although
I've learned in lessons and I still
sometimes think like okay if it did what
would I do but then I just I do
sometimes just stop myself and going X
I'm like okay like I said earlier bit me
of being a bit of a hypocrite you can I
can only influence today that's a day as
far as I'm aware I don't have it and so
actually that make the most of today so
I think there's always going to be that
underlying fear once it's been there in
your life you know but then I suppose
that's maybe why I'm on over tribe of
cramming as much wonderfulness into as I
possibly can and so and I know I've got
the strength to deal with it in
whichever guys it does if it does so I
think sometimes I just take myself to
what is that fear acknowledge it think
about how I'd handle it and then put it
to bed so don't let it kind of like
overtake and so I think yeah I think
it's it's still there in the background
lurking that's fine that's fine and I
suppose that's probably you don't really
need anything to keep you motivated
I suppose in life because a lot of lot
of people I come in contact with on a
daily basis we're all trying to motivate
ourselves to make the most of life and
you just said a beautiful word there I'm
not even sure if it's a word but it just
sounds beautiful wonderfulness and I
think if we can all make the most of our
days and they're over driving that you
use in I think I think it's so important
I try to do that as well as ie 100
percent think sleep is important but I
think once you have enough sleep then
stop hitting that snooze button really
try and make if you if you want to do
something in life go out there and do it
if you want to connect with someone go
and connect with them if you want to
tell someone you love them then go and
tell them because your stories are
living proof of this you can't take
nothing for granted in this world no too
many of us do spend a you know life
taking a lot for granted absolutely and
people supplanted and I just think
there's something about the magic in the
people around us and
what they bring you and and to share
that with them and select them no
because we can't take anything for
granted
absolutely and I think I mean I'm not
going to sit here and say I take I don't
take things for granted because I I D
but what I've done is and it's just a
little tip for somebody who's probably
not gone through the harsh circumstances
that you have is to really try and have
triggers in your day so for me I have my
wallpaper on my phone I have a photo of
me and my wife have a photo of my family
and I have all these little triggers
where if I ever kind of revert back to
my old habits it will snap me straight
out of place and think I don't fix up
overdrive because because this fault was
there where people are missing as far as
there were people are ill and it's just
it makes you think completely
differently and I just you don't want
you don't want people to go through that
life or have those experiences but I
think sometimes like you said when you
struggle or you go through adversity if
anything it becomes I suppose I can gift
into curses and it you get the case but
then you get a gift from it as well at
the other side I was gonna say when you
get the suffering and I you know there's
something in that suffering but
suffering is also teaching you so much
if you allow it and if you don't fight
it Sam and I just think there's
something in the pain part and that does
then bring the gift when you're ready to
see it okay we are gonna shift gears now
actually we're gonna start smiling now
and what we're gonna do is this is
actually the fun part of the show where
I literally put my guests through just
60 seconds of the most random questions
you've probably heard this week so
there's no right or wrong answer just
try and obviously with your face thought
process and we're gonna start in 3 2 1
okay what did you eat for breakfast Oh
peanut butter on taste the ability to
fly or be invisible fly when your fame
I think Fame for this message your
biggest achievement to date surviving
cancer your favorite food
oh my mum's lamb curry Netflix our
YouTube each aid your number one goal
this year Oh
to to thrive everyday but I really
want to raise the game on how people
live their lives more fully and so to
help people understand how much they
matter would you rather not how you a
died or when you were dying
when love or money love books or movies
books if you could sit with one person
in the world for an hour who would it be
Maya Angela what is your biggest
addiction oh gosh don't know but I'm
addicted to anything really other than
this constant need to better myself were
to learn more and it's all more that's a
brilliant addiction your favorite place
in the world I have to say I took myself
off on a holiday to Brazil and there was
a beautiful hammock on my on my little
balcony I was on my own actually this is
me testing myself and that hammock and
that v---aids on a beach in Brazil was
yeah one I'll never forget if you could
abolish one thing in the world what
would it be I suppose it's ignorance or
people being unkind to each other love
that and finally your favorite song ever
oh my god actually cherish I'm gonna get
cherish cool in the gang
I've heard that played live and is
beautiful brilliant okay fantastic so
the next question I always like to ask
my guess is about reflection I believe
hindsight's a wonderful thing and upon
reflection we can always think of ways
to get to where we currently are quicker
easier or with less heartache but at the
same time the journey teaches us so much
and it's a real belief of mine that
everything happens for a reason so what
I want to know is if you could go back
in time to that one moment where you
struggled say as a younger vet Danny
well somewhere down the line and
suffered with adversity or an obstacle
or anything in life maybe the first time
and you could whisper something in your
ear knowing everything you know now what
would it be and I think it would be that
I'd want to say it's okay you're exactly
where you're meant to be right now you
know don't by to allow the lesson to
come feel the pain feel the feelings and
just trust that there's going to be some
lesson that your learner is as a result
of this and you'll be a better person as
a result of this so just trust and
actually ask for help I'm really bad ass
not asking for help and that's one thing
I've learned is ask for help
mmm-hmm are you better at asking for
help now I am and I know but I also know
who who I know so I've got you know some
space it probably is more my friends now
and you know and some family members I
just think I know what they won what
which ones will give me what I need love
it and if I can help in any way as well
I know you having a podcast soon or any
anything in relation to thrive sixteen
six five or even personally please do
let me know thank you you're very
welcome
sadly we're actually at the last
question now and the last question I
always ask is if in 150 years time
science fails to save us all and all
that's left is a book and this book is
about your life and it's about
everything that you've done everything
you've accomplished all your dreams and
everything what I want to know is what
the summary at the back of the book
would say and also what the title would
be okay and say I think it's gonna be
the summary in the back it's gonna read
something along the lines of no matter
what life threw at her she felt the pain
she cried the tears and then she chose
to rise and she took the lesson learned
something from it she found something to
spark the joy you know she was the queen
of finding the silver lining and I think
there's there's always gonna be fun in
anything that I do and and I there's a
beautiful Maya Angelou quotes and she
just says and still I rise and I think
that would be the title of the book
because I just think you know that life
is tough but then so am I you are that's
very very powerful thank you for sharing
that and just before we close the show I
just want the listeners to be able to
reach out to you if that's okay I know
you're busy and you're probably juggling
loads of things but I think
it'd be worth people following the
movement maybe maybe they can support as
well so I normally ask my guests to
leave one place but I think because you
do such a wonderful thing and it's you
know it's gonna serve the community
you're welcome to give as many plugins
as you as you wish okay lovely so the
the easiest one would be my Instagram
account and that's thrive bet so that's
one LinkedIn please follow me on
LinkedIn and please if you can introduce
me to your to your businesses or
somebody that can just come in and hold
that space and allow you to thrive and
that would be amazing the other thing
that I really did want to mention with
if anyone's heard of Simon Thompson who
is a lady that had her Instagram account
is free in cancer and she's permanently
going through a stage 4 lung cancer
diagnosis at a very young age so I think
she's just turned 30 and Simon has set
up a Facebook page baam e for cancer and
I think it is just about uniting the
ethnic communities so that we do start
talking about cancer and we you know we
open the debate we have the debate and
we start sharing a lot more so it's just
it's a supportive little community just
to hold that space for each other as we
navigate through and yeah and please
follow primer as well she's doing some
amazing work that's fantastic and what I
will do is I'll probably get those off
you so I can put them all in the show
notes just sort of anything you know for
anyone to reach out to you and also to
that Facebook page as well because I
think that's a really really important
thing I want to once again thank
everyone for listening and more
importantly I really want to thank you
for your bravery and your openness to
share your story and inspire many people
and thanks for taking time out of your
day and there's always people thanks for
listening well my pleasure and thanks
and remember this podcast is at
we free so all we ask in return is for
you to share this with a friend and drop
us a five star review over on iTunes
have an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Title: Sexuality, happiness and being true to yourself #13
Tagline “I dont want it to define me. I don’t think anyone should let it define them in life. I don’t want it to be oh yeah Nick Hall who’s gay” ...
Nick Hall, is a successful individual who has had a very colourful career which has seen him start and sell businesses whilst finding his own true happiness.
Overcoming and understanding himself growing up, Nick talks about his sexuality and how he embraced that and found true happiness in his life.
A fascinating individual, who sees the world in a unique and great way! A keen eye for property too, Nick has also made his own homes under the hammer renovations along with helping me personally in my own property ventures.
Follow it below:
Thanks for listening
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[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do the
host of this show so I am extremely
excited to bring my guest onto the show
today because it's somebody who's going
to be sharing a very very sensitive
subject and it's a subject that's going
to relate to many people out there
whether you're experiencing it yourself
or whether it's one of your friends or
family now the beautiful thing is not
just the story and the person behind the
story who is a fascinating character and
doing incredible things in the world
and really kind of found his own voice I
suppose it's how actually met him now I
am a firm believer in trying to find
positives in every situation that you're
in because it's so easy to often
exaggerate the problems and the
obstacles that were going through and
I'd say in my career as a property
investor my probably most stressful 2 or
3 months was when I met this individual
and the only silver lining I had within
those two or three months was my
relationship with this individual now
Nick
managed to help me sell my nightmare
house and he did it with brilliant
customer service to the point that we
actually built a rapport and Nick
reached out recently and we kind of had
conversations back and forth and I just
thought his story is fantastic it's also
different to any of the other stories
that we've had on this show so hopefully
you guys resonate with it
I am confident you're gonna find he's
honesty and he's courage commendable so
I'm gonna leave it there and we're gonna
jump straight into this episode I find
your voice okay so I'd just like to
welcome Nick to the show today so thank
you Nick for coming on
and sharing your story how are you doing
today I'm great
thanks for having me Irene it's an
absolute honor to echo and support you
with this
you're very welcome thank you as well so
I think it's important before we start
to obviously give the listeners a little
bit of insight in relation to who dig
hole is so if you wouldn't mind if you
could just kind of give the listeners
and myself actually a little bit about
yourself how you progress through life
and kind of ended up where you are today
yeah of course
so when terms of who I am what I do so
background I suppose starting from sort
of where I grew up so I've grown up in
sort of a relatively middle-class
environment in a in a village so to say
on the edge of stoke-on-trent so just
into the stuffs Moreland's
m and most recently I'm working in
telecoms that are do some bits of
business on the side so I'll go back and
talk to you about what I've done in
detail to get me from there to where I
am today so the sort of environment that
I grew up in I would say is very
traditional so here you you standard
Church of England school the lads play
football and the girls play netball and
I I didn't do either of those so I
didn't fit in but I didn't conform to
their to the norm so to say and then
after school and I came out with
relatively I would say a ver Ajay mean I
passed all my subjects at GCSE level
grade C or above progressed onto to
college straight after school and then
absolutely hated it again just didn't
feel like I fitted in so I took a year
out and when it did some hard work for
you and worked in a supermarket and quit
and then produce Department lumbering
sacks of potatoes around and I actually
talking about the value of the pound
yeah
actually worked with money in the real
world so quite quickly realized that I
wanted to go
to education and from there went in
study Business Studies a level and then
went on to university em that didn't
actually move away when I went to
university state local at staffs
probably didn't have the confidence to
to go and live outside of the area and
then after University I got offered I
did the Graduate scheme and I was still
working for Maury supermarkets at the
time I did their grad scheme and got
offered a role at their HQ in Bradford
and didn't go for it cuz he didn't pay
enough money basically and then I got
offered a job locally working for
phones4u which is owned by their John
Caldwell though I'm sure everyone in
business net was a billionaire now went
into work for this organization and
there was something just magical about
the culture I went in as a trainee
salesperson and they they taught me
everything I know about sales and I've
sort of progressed through telecoms in
the sales environment done various roles
sales management head of sales
got extremely stressed doing the head of
sales were all under 30 and decided that
I wanted to take a bit of a step back
and then I'm now working in one of the
biggest telecom providers in the UK and
I'm doing a less less senior role buddy
it sort of gives me the flexibility to
do stuff outside I could work as well
and I suppose that's coming on to what I
also do as well and outside of work I'm
I'm really passionate about property
stems from probably the first house that
I bought where the position that I was
in was the idea I was forced it didn't
have the money to to buy a decent
property so out to buy something that
was rundown and they've got the Bob bug
for sort of development renovation from
their doing I've done various properties
now to the point where I am where am I
live in and in a in a relatively decent
house they want a big
probably doing about 5 refurbishments
and renovations that have enabled me to
live in the property that I live in now
on a bill up a nice little equity part
as well last year for the last year or
two I had an estate agents business as
well I started up on the side and the
aim with that was to to hopefully get
out of than the nine-to-five job that
I'm doing and again learned a massive
lesson from that because I realized how
hard you actually have to work to where
to win in your own business absolutely
yeah and to be honest it wasn't easy and
it wasn't going to be easy and I wasn't
gonna become a millionaire any time soon
or even overnight or any time in the
next few years from that so I had an
opportunity to sell the business which
it did do at the end of last year and
have come become career focused again
this year I'm not going to say it's
gonna be a real long term strategy but
I've just taken on a new role that gives
me something to really get my teeth into
and then the property thing they'll
always bubble along the side and
personal that's interesting because then
it was actually property where where you
and I actually met and I could tell your
sales experience obviously came in
because you were able to sell what I
consider my nightmare house which I
couldn't get rid of and and you sold it
pretty quickly because mate that has
caused me more stress than anything and
in relation to your renovations as well
for anyone that's on Facebook I've seen
some of your your renovations your
kitchens especially and then they look
absolutely fab so you've obviously got a
knack for it there something I wish I
had when I first started renovating
myself and I just want to touch on
something so you said you always kind of
never thought you could be fitted in and
you mentioned the whole zero typical
boys play football the girls play
netball and then later on you touch the
game that you didn't have the confidence
to perhaps maybe move out of your
university is there a particular reason
in relation to that or was it just like
anxiety I mean what was
what was that feeling where you're
saying you didn't feel you fitted in
because I'm pretty sure there's people
listening to this now you might have had
that same situation yeah I mean looking
back now I was because I'm gay and I
obviously always knew that there was
something different about me but I
wasn't him
experienced mature I suppose they're the
best way he's supportive and I wasn't
experienced or mature enough to
understand what that meant for me so I
always do that I mean don't get me wrong
I don't have not gone through life being
an outcast or anything like what I have
those environments always just sort of
felt like I didn't feel like a hundred
percent you know why okay just felt
different I supposed yeah mmm okay
that's interesting I mean if you
wouldn't mind if I just asked a little
bit about that yeah cause I'm certain
there's thousands of people out there
who probably won't be the same situation
when you're thinking why am i feeling
different to perhaps what people would
consider the general consensus what
advice would you give to somebody like
that I mean was it something that you
were able to kind of come out with
straight away or is it something that
you kind of held in there I think you
are and don't get me wrong I do even in
from our generation to today I do
believe times have changed a little bit
but there's always a stereotype of which
you are forced to live by or expected to
live by I won't say forced I'll say
expected to live by yeah and I think
that mentality comes to the front even
more sevens in sort of small village
environment something in the area that I
grew up in it was a case of as I said
the boys play football the girls play
netball and this kind of if you didn't
do either you a bit weird you are or
you're not conforming to the norm so I
think if I'm if there's anybody who's in
that position and you feel like you
don't fit in it's a bit cliche but don't
be afraid to be different because
some people are born to stand out and
you need to sort of you need to
recognize that and stand up to it and do
the things that give you the confidence
to do that I love that I think I think
you just hit great note there don't be
afraid to be different because even for
myself from my experience you grow up
always trying to fit in it's kind of
like because you want to be part of the
maybe the popular gang were just where
it's safe I suppose because nobody wants
to get bullied everyone wants to have
relationships yeah I find myself now as
an adult trying almost not to fit in in
terms of bringing my own authenticity to
the marketplace to my branding and
everything else so it's just funny how
the world works and I think I'm not sure
if you I can you mentioned like at that
age your intelligence as a child and
stuff is probably different when you
grow up and you realize what's actually
important here and the most important
thing for me and I'm sure you probably
agree to some extent is how we view
ourselves I think that's the most
important thing yeah 100% and that age
you don't want to be picked out of the
crowd and at the point that we a minute
live in life now it's almost that we
don't necessarily want to stand out but
I feel myself that it's good to be
different and to have your own personal
brand and to be true to yourself who you
are then that that gives you a sense of
fulfillment
I suppose is the best way to put it I
think I think you're right maybe it
gives you authentically as well in the
world where everyone's trying to but
this persona of who they are or the day
that they live in somebody who's just
refreshingly themselves every single day
whether it's good bad or whatever it is
I just find that I just find that nice
and I think the world would benefit more
from people just not trying to put a
mask on because I don't know about you
but I find it hard enough just trying to
manage my own life rather than trying to
be somebody else for the public it's
it's just an energy drain so no I
appreciate that can I just ask one more
question on that if you wouldn't mind
yeah yeah so you've come from a small
village now I'm using my stereotypical
background as well so I'm I'm Indian and
we come from a community where everyone
knows everyone's business so when you do
something that it
doesn't gold with the norm so for
example if I use myself I got married
out of religion now I'm not a religious
person and anyone that knows me knows I
don't really follow religion so when I
did that it was it was a massive massive
thing again it was difficult I had
sleepless nights before and again it was
more about what are people going to
think and what is going to bring to my
family did you ever experience any sort
of controversy or adversity in relation
to you perhaps coming out or was your
family and your community very
supportive of yourself yeah I think the
worst part by far is the fear of coming
out than the actual coming out itself
yeah because for me I didn't really have
to come out I didn't have to stand on a
platform and announce it and I didn't
feel that that was the right way for me
to do it anyway that just it that didn't
happen for me it happened naturally okay
I came to a point in my life where I was
comfortable 100% comfortable with who I
am and I had the confidence to be myself
and what that meant was it some people
knew to be honest and and some people
didn't know I lost friends over it
people just stopped talking to me I
think and it genuinely sat here today it
doesn't hurt me one bit because I know
that it was just meant to be yeah
absolutely and again I just want to
implore anyone who is listening who may
be going through a situation whether it
is about this sexuality or whether it is
about anything else whether you consider
yourself different to really kind of I
suppose Jesus said than done as an adult
but really try and overcome that fear
because you touched on something that
the fear of it is actually worse than
the actual experience itself and I've
had to overcome and do things that I've
always been afraid of prior to the
actual decision and a bit like what you
just said there's as soon as you make
that decision it's actually not as bad
as you'd initially thought so I would
always tell people if they can you know
maybe adopt a mount
robbins approach which is kind of like
she counts backwards from five four
three two one and then all of a sudden
beam whatever's in
that she wants to say she says it I
think life's too short for us to kind of
live in fear of judgment and other
things I'm not sure if you agree with
that 100% and I think the in terms of
the people out there who might be
feeling like I genuinely would be happy
to speak to anyone who who feels that
they're in that situation and and talked
to them about my experience in more
detail if it helps them sort of progress
towards where they want to be I'll be
more than happy to do that that's
fantastic
I'm sure they'll appreciate that and
obviously at the end of the show we'll
put all your show notes and how they can
contact you so prepare yourself mate
hopefully if the episode goes well
you're gonna get an influence of the
direct messages but no I think somebody
who's been through something that
they'll just be able to give so much
better advice rather than just picking
up a book or reading a post online so
thank you for your handout yeah and it
is difficult because if you're in a
position where you are afraid of of
admitting something to the outside world
then some people will challenge you on
it sometimes and they will offer to talk
to you about it you've got to be ready
to talk yourself so if ever if ever
somebody needs that yeah then I'd be
more than happy to do that thank you
thank you Nick brilliant okay so I want
to just switch the conversation just
ever so slightly in relation to your
work and stuff so you've you've mastered
homes under the hammer a lot better than
I have and you've got yourself some
sales experience you're now in the new
role which you're thriving off I'm just
curious to know and I'm always
fascinated by people who are doing
different things or people who I
consider successful and I've considered
success as a sort of you doing what you
want to do for yourself and it's
basically you're making your own
decisions in terms of moving forward and
progressing on a daily basis so if you
could just kind of give us a day in the
life of Nicole from say for instance the
moment you wake up if you've got any
particular habits or traits that you
think maybe could help other people if
they wanted to kind of replicate your
success up until now
yeah I mean I definitely don't consider
myself hugely successful and it's an
honour for you to even put me in that
bracket
just quite normal to be honest okay but
I mean I'm definitely an early riser I'm
somebody who likes to get up early I
love to see the Sun Rise morning and not
so much in the summer when it's really
rising it hot this time of year when the
sun's rising and just before 7:00 a.m.
it's nice to just get up and go and sit
in my kitchen and I've got some great
views and we catch the Sun eise's and
just sit and have a cup of coffee and
just reflect at that time in the morning
and whether it be just catching up on
the news doing some banking at any sort
of admin that's gonna give me a great
spot today I really do enjoy sort of
having that foundation to the day to be
honest after that point I feel like I
should be exercising and I'm moved house
last August and I've moved probably
about 20 miles away from where you used
to live and I'm in a village which is
pretty much in the middle of nowhere
right the nearest gym is 14 miles away
so I'm struggling to find that
motivation to exercise at the moment
because I'm not near a gym I never can
actually go out and go and walk and run
and things like Apple with the with the
winter as it's been not the opportunity
to do that so a key thing for me that I
want to focus on in this year it is
exercise and fitting that back into my
routine because that would be great to
do that at that point and then in terms
of moving on from there I mean I
generally just would move into what is a
pretty normal working day to my day is
made up of meetings pretty much all over
the UK because to work for a
multinational business and I might be
working from home or I could be in
Edinburgh or London so I can have a day
that starts at 5:00 a.m. oh I've got to
go and catch a flight or train or I can
have a nice relaxed day where I'm
getting offered sort of the time that I
said and then sitting in just a night or
five from the kitchen table if it is
that I'm not actually working then
ideally for me every traveling okay a
lot of miles and the continent in the
turbulent yeah yeah yeah job yeah do you
listen to any audio balls or podcasts or
anything like that always it just
literally music on the road I'm a visual
person so for me I rather than I mean
I've I've always tried to read and I
just find it so difficult to put my not
put my time to sit and absorb a book so
I'm visual so for me I'm a documentary
sort of person okay I've watched
probably every documentary going on
Netflix on every topic possible so I
would if there's something that I'm
interested in I find it far easier to
watch a documentary on it rather than to
read a book on it okay that's
interesting I can't read myself to be
honest I use audio book for everything
similar to yourself
ie well I used to be on the road a lot
so for me it was kind of an opportunity
I supposed to kind of kill two birds
with one stone I'd always listen to
audiobooks I do need to get on the
Netflix documentaries I heard there's
some fascinating ones but I just wanna
quickly touch on something there so
you've got some traits there so the
whole reflection and the early rising
that's quite common amongst people who
are trying to do more in life there is
one thing I want to do a little
shameless plug on is the exercise bit so
I'm a massive massive advocate that we
should always prioritize our health
before everything and when I say how if
I don't just mean your physical house I
mean your mental health as well but yeah
you've said something there and this is
just my advice as a friend is the gym is
far away well mate if you go on my
youtube channel I have some videos which
will tell you how to work out from the
comfort of your own home so I want to
see you doing those I'm gonna see you in
star jumps in your next post yeah and as
I said make that a hundred percent is a
target of mine for 2019 and the mean
talking about mindset as well I find
setting personal towards a great way to
motivate myself I mean when I set up the
business that said at the beginning the
year target for me this years to set up
a business alongside work and estate
agents evolved from and then this this
is my target for this year to get back
to fitness again fantastic just in
relation to the business one have you
ever set up a business before or is that
you you set yourself a target and a boom
you just went out and figured it out yes
and literally do the estate agent are
set up from scratch I just came up with
the concept the Brandon sat down with a
graphic designer who bought it all to
lie for me but I came up with a concept
that was completely unique and then you
in the UK no other estate agent in the
country was doing it and that was for
the client to be able to choose the
estate agent board that sits outside the
property the color of it yeah and and
that was extremely successful and it was
a huge USP for the business and in a
market that is so saturated yeah exactly
saturated it was a USP and something
that stood me above the competition it
was something that had started online
started out the spare bedroom at my old
property and and grew it to a position
that it was a business that could be
sold on that's fascinating to me because
you're you'll meet many people and if
people just sit here today and think
about the times in the last seven days
but somebody's told them about a
business idea or they want to do this or
they want to become this and then
actually see whether they go and follow
that through it's very very slim that
those people do it so for me obviously
business my staff now I find it very
very difficult there's a lot there's a
lot of cogs to it and I think you
touched on it earlier that in terms of
making the same money that you're making
you notified there's a hell of a lot
more hard work involved so for you to be
able to do that on this side one it kind
of I always think if people have got an
excuse they haven't because if they
listen to you now you know you're
working full-time and you set yourself
up a successful business which I just
find that really inspiring and would you
have any tips for anyone is it just
literally google it because I would say
google it everything's on Google get out
there Network speak to people is that
kind of your best approach yeah a
hundred percent I mean definitely I
agree that everything's on Google now
you've just gotta go out I mean for me
there was something inside me telling me
that I needed to do to do something to
fulfill me over and above what I was
getting from my nine till five at the
time so I I am quite a visual person as
I've said so I sat and you my maps I was
like what are the potential ideas for a
business that the it could give me what
I want so I came up with the sort of
events business came up with the estate
agents I came up with a recruitment
business and everything just brought me
back to a state agency because of the
passion that I've got on the side
property property so from there I just I
went and so what I wanted to do is
understand what do you need to do to set
up a successful estate agent so the
first thing is I needed to get qualified
as an estate agent so I had to go and do
the qualifications alongside work set
myself up as a director of a limited
company and and just brought to life the
the concept that had come up with him
surround yourself with a successful team
and for me that was having a really good
graphic designer
bring all the concepts to life and then
the subcontractors who work for the
business as well so I was pride in
myself on photography particularly so I
went out and I found I found the best
photographer in the local area had to
pay more to do that but when there was a
buzz created about the business the
photography was one of the things that
people were talking about fantastic
that's brilliant I think there's a
blueprint they obviously for people who
may have something inside them which
makes them want to maybe go out there
and do a business and you just touched
on a point which is something that I
always tell everyone is surround
yourself with a successful team because
you can't do anything alone in this
world especially if you're trying to get
rid of your 9 to 5 so I always try and
do that I always try and I know it's a
cliche but I was try and surround myself
with people who are cleverer than me you
have done more than me because that way
it kind of forces me to grow it keeps me
accountable as well and at the same time
I'm learning as opposed to you kind of
be in the cleverest in the room a
hundred percent and the thing the thing
is it massively surround yourself by
people who motivate you to better the
position that you're in and just just
one point on what you were saying about
the successful team is having the
ability or the experience to to
recognize that team and to be able to
select the team as well because it's
easy to go out there
and for example get a photographer but
without understanding their background
in their experience and where they've
been successful it's difficult to know
whether to bring them into your team or
not
I think trades people is a perfect
example and what we experienced with you
on the property that I was like yeah
there's so many Cowboys out there and so
many people who are not performing as
they should do I think I think they're
all just kind of playing the small game
and so for me it's if I was a tradesman
and this is just my trail of thought is
if I'm gonna work with someone if worst
case scenario that the projects going a
little bit tits up which they sometimes
do and it could be of through no fault
of anybody's I would still try and
continue to over-deliver because then
you've got more chance of repeat
business and what I tend to see is
people will happily exploit people for a
quick dollar that that month or that
week just to kind of maybe pay for their
bills and so they can go drinking on the
weekend and then all of a sudden
somebody's losing out there whether it's
repeat business or whether it's the
customer or something and yeah and that
reputation so building a reputation
again is another key element of it
because if you go out and and you rip
someone off on day one you're never
gonna get to day 100 absolutely great
just like that not actually just be from
a shift gears a little bit I have
finally managed to find a good build and
a good trades team and I'm actually what
I've actually done is similar to you
don't let go of him may I haven't so
what I did is I set up a business and I
became business partners with him
because I was like listen I need to keep
you here one because I trust you in your
works fantastic you can do this side of
it what I do is I use my whole branding
and my project management experience to
kind of get the clients in so we kind of
work hand in hand but mate I've had to
get so many bad frogs but yeah I'm not
gonna let go now and in property that
that's the perfect mix it's great for
somebody like yourself who's got a huge
amount of experience and in marketing to
partner up with somebody who's got the
skills in the experience on the
technical side of it absolutely together
you've created that perfect team
absolutely I'm grateful now for where
I'm I suppose I'm so grateful for all
the lessons because if I hadn't have
gone through what I did I wouldn't be
where I am today at the same time I
wouldn't even be speaking to yourself so
you know
everything happens for a reason I'm a
firm believer of that exactly I mean if
I hadn't done what I'd done on the side
and you had done what you're doing we
would never have cross paths absolutely
made so I'm grateful for all my
experiences it's obvious now then so
you've had a very colorful life we lines
ups and downs and you've done quite a
bit actually a little bit like myself I
always think I've managed to cram so
much in so quickly so yeah you could
tell us of a recent adversity that
you've been through and then what's your
approach when you're up against an
obstacle how do you deal with it what
lessons have you learned from it yes so
in terms of adversity we've definitely
already taught sunny during this
conversation and and for me it is the
fact that I'm gay and that was a huge
point for me in my life and it's it's
the most amount of adversity I've ever
faced and I'll say that hands down and
so it's never easy for me to talk about
this but I genuinely believe that my
life didn't start to come together until
I admitted to myself who I really was
and after that point I found the friends
they were feel comfortable around and I
found a partner I progressed financially
and that for me was was the point in
life so now I've got over that I don't
feel as though there's any adversity or
if I do come across adversity it just
doesn't feel it doesn't feel like you've
kind of been treated I suppose the
biggest challenge of your life yeah
quinta percent of me exchanged when I
looked back because it's like looking
back at a different pace and then it was
some money I was trying to be someone
who I wasn't at the end of the day and
so I take responsibility for that but
genuinely I think that society does play
a part and that as well absolutely as
I've said we're supposed to act in a
certain way we're supposed to be a
certain type of person and I was made to
feel that being gay was wrong and it
made me feel like
of a person to be honest and it and
that's what drove me to not want to be
that person it's so sad isn't it how
society and I think it is it is a
society problem that we can discriminate
or prejudiced against certain types of
people or people who are different to
ourselves and make them feel so bad
because although you get groups and you
get cliques and stuff nobody's really
looking at the individual that you're
segregating and what the effect is
having to them and this is kind of
something I learned in my um when I went
back to study social workers and masters
because my four of my siblings come from
the care system I sin then be
discriminated against in terms of
they've come into our family we've tried
to put them in extracurricular
activities we tried to take it to
football games and stuff and when one's
got autism and then one's got learning
difficulties and one is a displaying the
level of intelligence that person should
display at that age according to the
school curriculum it's it's sad to see
them just get put to the side or brushed
off and it's it's something I don't
think the solution for right now but I
think if you can create more awareness
just just for people just to have a bit
of compassion I suppose for hope for
people and just think listen everyone's
trying to do the best that they can in
whatever moment they're they're in and
nobody wants to feel like an outcast
normally wants to feel different we're
all we've all got unique abilities
within ourselves and we're all all got
our own gift and I just wish the world
could just be a bit more sympathetic
towards each other to be honest 100
percent and I think talking about it is
is awareness in itself and I mean that
is something that I could carry with me
and let affect me mentally I just don't
I consider myself to be a strong person
mentally and I just choose to not let it
impact the rest of my life it's
something that happened and it's
something that will not affect me for
the future and I think choose to make it
a part of your strengths because what
you what you're going to do even just by
sharing the story which I'm very
grateful for you doing you're gonna
inspire and give other people the
courage that listen it's okay it's okay
in general I mean like Nick's doing fine
now there's millions
other people doing fine now and it's not
as bad as you probably think it is at
this at this point in time so yeah I
mean I I don't want it to define me in
life and I don't think anyone should let
it define them in life I want my life to
be defined by either a successful career
or a successful business I don't want it
to be oh yeah Nick Hall who's gay I want
it to be he's a great businessman or a
great person and I mean I would judge
you it's just myself just under I'm the
character in the person that you are
similar to myself I I don't want to be
judged as a particular thing it doesn't
define you that's that's that's probably
the right way of me yeah exactly thank
you so you've obviously then overcame
your biggest fear now and we've spoken
about you coming out and realizing that
you were gay and you you that's
something now you're you're very
comfortable with other than that what
would be your next biggest fear and it
could be anything it could be spiders it
could be snakes for what else kind of
scares you right now yeah something that
genuinely scares me is not being
financially secure later in life I think
that our generation are in a strange
position financially I mean our parents
generally have or will retire on
probably final salary pensions with a
decent state pension at a relatively
young age in terms of retirement to say
young innovative compiz our generation
we're going to need to work until were
70 we're going to have very very small
pensions in comparison that worries me
because I don't want to work until I'm
70 for a start and I don't want to live
on a hundred pounds a week so it's
something that scares me massively
but I use it to motivate me because for
me I want financial security because I
want to enjoy my life effectively that's
it yeah fair answer I think I think we
all need to need to be mindful of what
we're doing for the future which is one
of the reasons actually that I got into
property
to create that kind of wealth in the
future so everything I've done at least
in my first few years a property was
called wealth creation so I thought for
a rainy day I've got a portfolio of
properties that will keep me ticking
over and now obviously now I'm trying to
work on the whole cash flow element in
order to kind of live the life that
myself and my wife want to live so I
think that's a good point and you
actually just answered my next question
I was gonna ask you which was about
motivation and I'm always eager to see
what keeps people more of a motivation
for me it's kind of like I see it like a
hit of caffeine I think you have some
caffeine you're on a high for a bit and
then all of a sudden you can use it so
if we just alter that very slightly what
kind of drives you maybe a little bit
deeper like you what inspires you what
makes you do the things that you do on
the days but you don't feel like doing
them I think weekends or a good example
I mean it's easy to say what gets you
out of bed from Monday to Friday it's a
paycheck what gets me out of bed on a
weekend for me at the moment what's
getting me out of bed at the weekend is
working on this property that I'm
currently living in so I've got a list
of jobs as long as my arm there if I
don't get up on a Saturday morning and
do them then they're not going to happen
or I'm gonna have to pay trades people
to come in and do them so I'm enjoying
doing a bit of painting at weekends at
the moment obviously the motivation and
that is that that's going to invest in
this property and eventually will
increase its value so it's probably
financially motivated that's fantastic
yeah great answer mate okay so there
we've heard it the buzzer has just gone
off and we are now at the front part of
this show and this is a part where I put
Nick through his paces and I ask him as
many random questions as I can fit in
over the next 60 seconds so Nick are you
ready I think so you'll be fine mate
okay we're going to start in three two
one what is your favorite documentary
and at the moment the fire documentary
that I've just what
or Netflix about the fire festival
whatever one what did you regret this I
haven't eaten any breakfast yup the
ability to fly it or be invisible fly
definitely money or fame money your
biggest achievement today living in the
house that I live in after starting off
and asleep on to internment 2touchpos
your favorite food
chorong net picture youtube in that
place your number one goal this year to
get fit again favorite TV show ever can
I say film yeah but I'm gonna say film
and one that I watched for the day lion
would you rather know how you were died
or where you were going when definitely
love or money
well books or movies movie you could sit
with one person in the world for an hour
who would it be
Donald Trump what is this what is your
biggest addiction sugar your favorite
place in the world Vegas and finally if
you could have polished one thing in the
world what would it be terrorism
fantastic how did you find that
yeah good in relation to the fire one I
just find that so fascinating the way
the guy was the ultimate blogger the
thing is though is he could very easily
and pulled that off and he would you
know that case that he is that's so true
that's so true
ok so we're almost at the end this show
we just got a couple of more questions
left my next one's on reflection and we
all know hindsight's a wonderful thing
it teaches us so many things ie how we
can get to places quicker easier or less
heartache at the same time I'm also a
very very firm believer that the journey
teaches us so much and I've got a real
belief that everything happens for a
reason so what I want to know is if you
could go back in time to that one moment
where you really struggled and suffered
with adversity and just be able to
whisper something in your ear knowing
what you know now with all the lessons
life has taught you what would you tell
yourself we talked about quite a bit in
during the show and that's the fact that
I'm gaining obviously have been for a
long time so it would be a case of me
going back to the old me so today it
just did some reassurance until we even
almost give him a glimpse into the
future that utterly no one cares
probably do care
but no one really gives a shit no one
worthwhile kiss yeah mmm I love done
mate thank you thanks for sharing that
and suddenly we are now at the last
question and the last question are
always like to ask my guess is if in 150
years time science fails to save us all
and all that is left is a book and that
book is a book about Nick and it's about
everything that Nick's done or the
fascinating wonderful things I want to
know is in this book what would firstly
the title be and secondly what would be
summary at the back tell us about
yourself I suppose a great title would
be how to be true to yourself and the
blurb would be about discovering the
things that make you happy in life and
what makes you tick and and and living
those in in your daily life okay good
stuff so just before I close the show
what I want to do is give you a chance
to let the audience know where they can
reach you or where they can contact you
and obviously then that will give the
audience a chance to really maybe
connect with you whether it's in
relation to property or you as a person
or your business or sales or whatever is
really and hopefully if they're resonate
with it maybe you can potentially help
them in some way so what's the best
place is that people can find you I
would say Instagram is the best place to
get in touch with me because it's so
interactive so my Instagram account is
at Nick Hall underscore underscore but
I'll let you put it on absolutely I'll
put in the show notes as well yeah and
Facebook LinkedIn any of those or hey
I'm on LinkedIn as well
welcome to connect with me that's more
geared towards my 9 to 5 but of course
welcome to get in touch with me on that
okay and then Facebook and I keep pretty
private to be honest so if not at the
moment I've just got a family in front
on that that's fine that's fine not a
problem that's brilliant I just want to
say once again Nick thank you so much
for your time
for you to share this story as well I'm
sure it's gonna help many many people
it's certainly given me more insight
about yourself as well I mean we've
known each other for a while now and are
you a lot more so I just wanna say thank
you to yourself and to the listeners at
home thanks for listening yeah thanks
for having me right and remember this
podcast is absolutely free so all we ask
in return is for you to share this with
a friend and drop us a five star review
over on iTunes have an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 12 - How to achieve your dreams as a single parent #12
Tagline: "Never give up and keep striving for what you deserve" Donna Marie Pegg
Donna is a single parent who has overcome depression. She is an entrepreneur, a property investor....oh and a police officer during her day job too!
You see she could have every excuse under the sun, as to why she is unable to achieve financial freedom and live life in accordance to her dreams, YET she chooses not to.
She chooses to make the best use of her time, eradicating her excuses and chasing what she truly desires.
For anyone who may have suffered from break-ups, relationship problems and found themselves working 2 or 3 jobs with a child, I hope you can take inspiration from Donna's story as she is living breathing proof that with the right mindset and action anything is possible.
I urge you to follow her story and journey further as this wonderful lady is going places!
Follow it below:
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/compasspropertyinvestment/ (Property)
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/keepsakesbymadefrommemories/ (Business)
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/madefrommemoriesbears/ (Business)
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/compasspropertyinvestment/ (Property)
Website: www.madefrommemories.com
Email addresses:
Madefrommemories@hotmail.co.uk
Compasspropertyinvestment@hotmail.com
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now Aren
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show
so today's guest is somebody I would
consider a rising star and by that I
mean it's somebody who's really taken
the property world by storm in such a
short amount of time now for many of you
that know me I am actually a full time
property investor and it's kind of what
made me I suppose
financially free to allow me to do
passion projects like today but this
lady's not far off and I say watch this
space because she's gonna be somebody
who you're gonna be either working with
watching or perhaps just taking huge
amounts of inspiration from now the
reason I say that is because through our
interview and through conversations
offline I found out that this person was
also working was also working on the
side was also a single parent and had a
side business as well so for anyone out
there who thinks they can't do it or
they don't have enough time or work
stressful or their kids are playing up
well listen I don't want to hear it
don't hear your excuses and I'm sure
Donna who's I guess today doesn't want
to hear them either so without further
ado let's get this interview on the way
how are you doing today you're right
yeah I'm very well feeling very poised
up actually from good weekend fantastic
fantastic okay so if you could kind of
explain how you've progressed through
life and ended up where you are now in
your journey okay I've done quite a lot
in life actually a so I've done yeah
there's there's been quite a lot of
peaks and troughs I'm sure
like a lot of people so I had a very
good upbringing I was brought up with
money so my dad is a business he was
very business minded my mom was a
stay-at-home mom to three girls so I had
that whole business influence from my
dad and also the caring motherly role
quite a old-fashioned role really
because my dad went out to work and my
mom stayed at home and looked after his
full-time so it was nice to I think you
know that the importance of modeling and
everything and I had I had a very good
upbringing because you know like I said
I had the business aspect of my dad and
the drive and understanding the
importance of money which he was a big
believer in his understanding so we
worked from a very young age I was 30
when I had my first job yeah and I did
to be honest I didn't need to work
because we had a big house I had horses
we had land you know so I had an amazing
start in life but my dad came from a
very humble background and was like it's
important that you understand the value
of money and to go out to work so yeah I
started work when I was thirteen and my
own money
and I've worked ever since maybe that's
why I'm such a hard worker and and I
know that unless you put the grafting
you don't get the result sort of thing
so absolutely yeah so and and then I
stayed on at school so I was very
academic minded out of the three of us I
was the one the clever one the same
there's always one I can relate to that
yeah yeah yeah cuz you're the brainy one
as well apparently but I probably
disagree now I think my little sisters
taken that always taken over now so yeah
so I did I stayed at school did my
a-levels I did a BTech National Diploma
in art and design cuz that's the sort of
area was going down and then I went to
Newcastle and did a fashion marketing
degree for four years within that four
years at did a three-year and the three
years
were academic in university and then I
did a year within industry it was
classed as a sandwich course so jewelry
in that time I went and I design ladies
handbags for the high street yeah so I
used to that was my old rock my old
career I suppose I started designing
ladies handbags for the high street went
into designing and then I had a bit of a
moment in life are separated at a six
year relationship with my first love as
well they were met when I was 17 and
that massively affected me like I ended
up having depression and anxiety I mean
I stayed in bed mom bless mom mom she
had to come and get me out of bed
sometimes because it was just all for
coping with it
you know together six years and yeah had
a bit of a I don't know maybe a bit of a
life-changing moment and I was like this
got you know there's got to be more to
life than lying in bed crying over an
ex-boyfriend so I ended up going
travelling backpacking around Australia
on my own which was rather daunting he
finds herself in a country the other
side of the world on your own to kind of
find yourself yeah but it was the most
amazing thing is the freest I've ever
felt in my life you were in a country
you could go wherever you wanted
whenever you wanted and you weren't
restricted by time or money or anything
and it was it was absolutely amazing and
it I spent six months over there and I
actually were hosts I was over there
started applying for jobs because I
wanted to do extreme sports where design
that was a passion of mine I've always
been into surfing and snowboarding and
that was a great passion of mine so
basically I went over to have kind of a
holiday but I took again I think it's
always been about entrepreneurial yeah I
took a CD basically with my whole
portfolio that I generated at university
and a posted out or the major company so
Quicksilver Rip Curl Billabong and then
I got contacted I was on Fraser Island
doing a two-day trip a incredible place
and I had no internet because it was
just in the middle of nowhere and I had
a ping on my phone and it was a
voicemail from Quicksilver saying they
wanted to interview me and I was like
wow like what an opportunity that was
for designing designing extreme
sportswear so you know like all year
snowboard any surf hoodies and all of
that yeah that's what they do they're a
massive brand if you're into you some
kind of skate and surf wear so what an
opportunity so I went to Turkey where
they're based and I stayed there for a
week I went for an interview and they
offered me a position as a junior
designer fantastic but they they said to
me we basically want you to be able to
do all your CAD design so basically all
the things I drew they wanted me to be
able to do it on a computer so I was
like you know for me to then get the job
because it was all Illustrator based and
Photoshop based so yeah I basically ran
out of money anyway in Australia SCI had
to come home right yeah I'd done
everything I've gone from the bottom of
Australia like that's where the Twelve
Apostles are open book to Ken so I'd
done the whole of these coasts and so I
came home I did a CAD design course
passed the course and then I had a momen
again another maybe life-changing moment
what do I actually want out of life and
the thing is with the fashion industry
although it's amazing and it's so
inspiring the world of design it's very
pretentious as well and I'm a very open
bubbly person and always have been and I
was surrounded by a lot of people and it
was all about money what you owned
rather than who you were as a person
so maybe I went a little bit deep with
all of that and was like what could I do
that would make a difference yeah and
and then I saw Lester Constabulary were
recruiting for police officers yeah so
this was our 11 years ago 12 years 12
years ago now so I went along with my
mom to the event and it was amazing the
fact that you could do so many different
roles within one job and I did all the
application process and passed it got
really high level all the written and
the mathematical but I didn't get
through the interview I just didn't have
what it was necessary to get the
position so I kind of gave up which was
very unlike me because I definitely am
and I'm a bit like if somebody says no
to me mate it's me working honestly so
my coach at the time the person who
basically was doing all the application
process with us and making sure that we
knew what we needed to do to get to the
end goal which was to get the role as a
police officer she contacted me actually
and said do not give up you were amazing
real I think you have what it takes and
on that occasion you weren't successful
but you were up against a lot of people
who were like PCSOs
or special so they had more of a police
knowledge than I did because I had no no
friends in the police no family in the
police I had no idea what was involved
so yeah I basically transferred my
application to West Midlands Police and
because I'd done everything the only
thing I had to do for them was the
different fitness tests because they
have a different fitness test - Lester
and a passed that and so yeah my 11 year
service now with them oh wow I know I
don't even know how the time just
so I did well at school I wanted to do
well in my career I wanted to be a
business always had this dream being a
business woman and because yeah I mean I
because I'd hit on it a little bit so we
had Hall she's growing up so when I was
13 I was asked to ride for Great Britain
yeah so at 13 I got scouted so that was
something else I used to do as well on
the side of going to school yeah I am
so yeah dude horse riding when I was
younger and I got asked to ride for
Great Britain but I again had this
thought in my mind I want to be a career
woman I had friends at school you know
and I was I did I thought if I do that
it's going to stop my development in the
area that I want to go in right so I
never I never did that and again I think
that's because of the person that I am
like I'm always striving for something
so I did the university thing and
obviously because of my university and
then are separated from my ex of six
years I would then spend some time on my
own I spent two and a half years on my
own I think it was really really
important to find you as a person of
course so yeah I did a bit of
soul-searching I think during that time
and figuring out who I was and what I
wanted in life because I find in a
relationship when you spend a long time
together you just become a couple yeah
rather than an individual
yeah and I lost myself I didn't know who
I was anymore what I wanted so yeah I
then spent some time on my own joined
the police and then I met my most recent
ex who's my daughter's father and we
were together 10 years so yeah I didn't
have my daughter until I was nearly 30
right okay okay
so when my daughter was four months old
I then set a business or
so I was still a police officer but I
took maternity leave for 30 months to
bring her up and I set my business up so
keepsake company it's called made from
memories basically I make handmade
keepsake bears out of outgrown baby
clothes that's a fantastic idea yeah yes
so it's it's it's massively popular and
I've got a massive following now so I've
been doing it for six years and I also
make the some remembrance cushions out
of granddad shirts you know from family
members that have passed or teddy bears
out if I mean I get a lot of people like
they've lost their partner to cancer
I've done bears made out of soldier
uniforms because mum mums have lost
their son in war in Afghanistan so it's
honestly it's I love it I absolutely
sentimental is what it is and they're so
individual because obviously they're
made from the clothes belong to that
person that's lovely
aslam something else I've just learnt
from you as well oh oh like I said it
was always property and obviously we got
speaking that was that hard in a second
there's a fascinating story here and a
fascinating lady's doing all these
amazing things because we touched on it
prior to starting this interview with
them I want people who may may be in a
similar situation to yourself I been a
single parent having all these
aspirations and businesses on the side
to believe in themselves a little bit
more that they can go out and do so much
more
yeah I mean I don't know how you fit in
this in by the way I'm gonna ask you
that because we all only have 24 hours
in the day which is fascinating and
maybe it's it's probably something you
touched on earlier in your life where
you saw your dad the modeling aspect and
seeing how hard I suppose he were to
come from one more background to give
you and I think you've got two siblings
you mentioned I have two young younger
sisters
Trisha Harvey who's my mentor actually
in property who's an amazing individual
and she does real live coaching
and he's just I think maybe I mean I
went to MMI I don't know if you're
familiar with MMR them
mind intensive if it's all to do with
the P yes er Becca if you haven't done
it you should definitely go basically
they cover your money blueprint and how
you think about money and how you're
modeling from a child has affected the
decisions that you make regarding money
that's very interests and I went and
yeah I went and did that for three days
and a think I had a very very positive
idea of money and I think that's because
of my dad money was never negative like
they came out with comments like rich
people of greedy people you know like
all negative connotations towards money
and because I'd had such a positive
thought on wealth and money because my
dad God apart from my dad saying you
know wait till you get older how hard
you have to work for money yeah he did
everything was very positive around
money and business and working so yeah
babe maybe that's where it all started I
think so because I think I have probably
heard more negative connotations towards
money growing up and I suppose even
myself having come from humble
backgrounds you do hear those sayings
monies of you a whole evil and rich
people are greedy rich yeah growing up
and having to change my own mindset
which has been an absolute minefield
yeah you know through reading and
affirmations and stuff I think you don't
necessarily need to love money but you
need to at least understand the benefits
that it can give you so I think it's
fantastic that you had that from a young
age and obviously you'll be able to pass
that message on to your little one as
well
yeah well incredibly actually hitting on
Holly she I've been away for three days
in London and my sister's real life
property event and my mum had my
daughter so I came home on Sunday to
pick her up and we were talking about
the future and everything and my mum
said my daughter said that she's had
enough of school already
six sheshe loved school all about I
think cuz it's getting harder now
because she's getting old she said to
her Nana no no I don't I don't want to
be at school anymore
and my mom said to her Holly
well you've you've still got primary
school and high school to do you've got
a long time still in education and she
turned around so my mommy she says but
but Nana I'm going to do what my mommy
did yet she says mummys going to help me
build a portfolio of properties of so
that I don't have to stay in school and
that I can be a businesswoman just like
her fix I know I was like that's amazing
and then I sat down and I was explaining
summer mom about passive income and the
fact that I'm wanting to build up a
portfolio for Holly so that she's got
the choice of what she does so whether
she wants to work or set her own
business up or go traveling I said I
wanted to have the opportunity that
she's got the money coming through so
she can decide where her future lies
rather then you know life dictating to
her where she's going to be absolutely I
think you hit the nail on the head days
it's it's all about choices in it and
definitely if you can provide it with
that and I suppose that's kind of where
I'm looking at as well so similar to
yourself in terms of like children and I
want to kind of set my business up first
when I do choose to have kids I want
them at a very early age to had that
mindset that house just displayed there
yeah and to know that there are other
ways where you can if you use money the
right way especially through property
which you both understand give them that
message at an earlier age it's only
helped them well Erin you I mean from
what I've read of you and seen of you in
your YouTube videos and that you've
you've had a very similar sort of status
me because you've done several different
things and had to find where you were
and in fact you being a social worker
and me being a police officer it's all
about giving back is a hundred percent
absolutely and and you touched on it
earlier as always said like there's more
to life than money and stuff and that
was kind of the reason I gave up project
management and working for a great
London company
because I was like there's gotta be more
to life and that's kind of where I went
into the Social Work side
my only problem was I just realized the
impact I suppose I wanted to have in
Social Work I was unable to give and
that's the same as the place because
what I I joined to make a difference but
because of legality is and the
government and the the yeah the
restrictions of court and everything I
although I want to make that impact I
can't make that impact because this
restrictions stopping me I suppose
that's probably the reason you then
chose to go through property yes
well property's always been one of these
I was one of these who sat for hours
watching and and I've always loved
property in the excitement of you know
having having a dirty stone and making
it into a diamond sort of thing yeah you
know buy and also again my mission is to
make affordable housing to a high
quality standard and made every house a
home I mean my company compass in
property investment is all about giving
people the right direction and making
every house a home whether it's for a
temporary accommodation until they find
their forever home whether it's their
first home that they're buying as a
couple or whether I'm providing a
forever home for them it's just giving
them that feeling of being at home I
think I think I'm as a student and also
my professional life I've rented and you
know these rooms in houses or you know a
single-layer if you you don't abide to
let just never feel at home and that's
important to me in my portfolio is to
create houses that feel like home Joel
at home that's a lovely message and I
think I think everyone wants that dawn
there really I mean I try and do that
with my tenants as well ways I try and
let them use it as their home so if they
want to decorate they want to do stuff
that's absolutely fine by me because he
is about creating that home because let
you said we know what it's like
have that feeling of coming home as
opposed to just staying somewhere where
you think this is just a temporary
measure and I think it's important you
know with regards to keeping your
tenants as well because if you provide
such an amazing environment for them
they're safe and clean and tidy if they
want to stay there because it does feel
like home absolutely yeah I mean I've
had no change obvious
touchwood so fingers crossed it stays
like that but yeah I just love that
message behind what you're trying to do
in property so I need to ask you now
because obviously we've touched on all
these amazing things you're doing I'm
sure you probably miss some stuff out as
well what's your what's your what's your
daily routine like then so being a
single mother getting into property and
I've seen some of your cracking deals
that you've got lined up now working in
the police force as well you're into
health and fitness which you haven't
mentioned but I know that from stalking
your profile so what other things are
you doing and what what's the kind of
day in the life like for you oh my my
days are absolutely crazy
I can imagine I'm not gonna lie it they
it is bedlam because I obviously split
with my ex a couple of years ago so he
has my daughter a few days a week which
also allows me to have some time to get
things done I only work part-time in the
police now so I work Monday Tuesday
Wednesday every week and I then have my
business my keepsake business however
since I went to MMI and looked at my
business and growing the business and
coming out of the business because the
problem with me at the moment is I'm in
everything and I've now now I've come
down this mindset journey and going into
property and with my mentoring and
coaching with Trisha I've now realized
that I need to come now I've set things
up and they're going really well and
I've built up a massive client base I
need to come out of it because my time
is precious and if I invest all my time
in one thing I can't do anything else so
I've actually recently taken on two
ladies that I'm going to train up to
make my keepsakes
that's going to be basically handed over
to them and then I will just manage it
which is then going to free up some time
to do more on the property side which
I've just started but like you hit on
Aren of you know I've already got two
deals and they're big projects the like
eight bed HMOs that I'm also juggling in
between and I'm sure you know the amount
of viewings that you have to go on to
find these deals absolutely it's
inspiring to see what what you're doing
because like I said I keep saying it but
initially I thought was just property
then obviously getting to know you over
the last month or so I'm hearing how
many other things you're doing and if
anything it makes me feel quite lazy to
be honest because I'm like oh I haven't
got a child to look after I haven't got
an occupation where I need to be there
Monday to wednesday so and yeah I know
how difficult it is it's literally you
got to get used to the word know you've
got to get used to rejections you want
to be on the ground 24/7 so it's
inspiring and hopefully inspires other
people is well out there who may yeah
think having being a single parent or
having a part-time job or a full-time
job is a way to kind of excuse them from
not aspire to there's no excuse there's
you are your own worst enemy the reason
you don't succeed in life is because of
yourself and it's and I'm a great
believer in taking action if you don't
take action you don't take risk nothing
ever changes and the thing is if I
carried on doing what I've always done I
would just remain where I've always been
so exactly so what I've done is it is
difficult I'm not going to lie it's hard
work but I've done so much change
recently and so much on the mind set
because mine's it's so important because
to me if you're your heads not in the
game you're not in the game
you know and it massively you need to be
telling yourself every day reminding you
you can do it I mean every day I write
down my successes I do my five successes
every day I also write my goals down so
it's important that
you know what your goals are you know
your your quarterly goals your yearly
goals your five yearly goals ten and
your 20 year Li goals because it gives
you something to aim towards I think I
hit on that earlier about how important
your goals are to make you drive towards
them and obviously looking you hit on
earlier as well the affirmations and
declarations it's it's all about you
know getting you and your mind in the
right place and it's amazing how much
only in a matter of a couple of months
my life has just gone upside down in a
good way in a good way honestly the
things that are coming to me like the
amount of investors that are contacting
me for my projects because all my
projects are 100% investor led we do JV
partnership but I use zero of my own
money it's all investor money that pays
for my property is which and they get a
very good return much better return than
they would with the banks but as you
know Erin you do the same core same
thing so but it's so important because
you you know the these individuals are
buying into me it's not just about the
deal it's about me as a person and I'm
very positive but very brave and very
motivated I'm a very friendly
approachable person which is very
important and I believe in myself oh yes
I am a single mom yes I do own a busy
business yes I do have a job and yes I
have set a property business sort but
I'm doing it it's so inspiring I mean
I'm just taking notes here because I
want to what I want to do from what you
just said days give single parents at
home just a couple of tips there so the
number one thing and this is something
that I've had to really really work on
myself in the last six months is believe
in yourself because irrespective of what
anyone else says whether it's your mom
whether it's your partner your siblings
you have to believe in yourself above
all else and also if there's no
if people around you you don't
necessarily need to get rid of them but
maybe you've spent less time with them
so if you're spending two hours a day
with those people maybe spend 20 minutes
a day with them because the people that
are around you the the negativity that's
around you will only keep you where you
are it will not move you forward I think
that's a great point because some people
always think how can I just get rid of
somebody who's negative in my life yeah
and we're not necessarily saying you
need to get rid of them what I do is I
kind of do this thing where I look at
them and I'll smile and nod but I'm not
listening to a word they're saying
if I know it's negative and at the same
time and that's mainly for people I know
I have to kind of be around but if it's
someone negative I do the same thing or
try and reduce your time with them you
also mentioned a very very good point
which is you write down your goals daily
you do your lashes but I just want to
quickly elaborate on something you said
the five successes is that five
successes that you want to achieve or is
it five successes that you've done
perhaps the previous day no that day so
it means every day yes at the end of
every day I've got a success book just a
little book a notebook and I write the
day and successes and I do five so it
can be as little as often it's the
school run I'm late on time and you know
we get the thing the thing is we don't
we don't celebrate our small successes
we've achieved on a daily basis and it's
just sometimes the little things
especially with people with depression
and I've been there just getting up and
showers and getting dressed for the day
is a massive achievement for somebody
with depression you know simply picking
the phone up to ask for help when you've
got depression that is a massive thing
so it's little successes like I said
getting to the school run on time going
and doing some viewings putting an offer
in on a house networking with somebody
to possibly get another investor on
board for a project they're all little
successes that believe you need to
highlight and and they they say about
once you write it down the mechanics of
your brain work differently and it
you've you kind of take it
even better when she write it down so
that's what I do at the end of every day
I write down my five successes no matter
how big or small I love this so what you
referred to at the end I think it's
called a reticular activation system is
that what it is yeah that's how you say
and it's kind of like these so an easy
example is if for instance you go out
and you looking for a red car or you buy
a red car all of a sudden when you're on
the road you'll notice in that red car
everywhere where it's prior to that you
probably didn't so I think if you can
tune your brain in the right way that
you're looking for opportunities you're
seeking better that better purpose or
vision of your life you're going to
start attracting that sort of stuff and
you are just touched on something
they're really important about the small
wins
I suppose I'm guilty of this myself
because I will probably have a lot of
small ways in the day but I'm not
generally in that probably the way I
should so I'm literally written out here
that I'm gonna literally copy what
you're doing there because I think
that's an amazing point to do I know the
depression stuff that you mentioned be
showering and little things like that
haven't haven't seen my mom struggle
with it for the best part of eight years
I know that as a personal thing so it's
it's it's a fantastic point there and
hopefully people listening to us could
take that on board so it's not as easy
as it sounds I suppose obviously we'd
like the Instagram success and we're
looking around on social media seen
everyone doing all these amazing things
24/7 yeah but he's like you know Aren
is do not ever compare yourself to
anybody else that that is the worst
thing that anybody can do you know focus
on what you're doing where you're
heading what you're wanting from life
and also you hit on yeah I'm a big
Fitness nutrition that's one of the
reasons actually Aren that I found you
through your fitness journey to be fair
before before the property journey and I
massively believe healthy body healthy
mind I have a very clean diet only in
the last four months have I started I do
weightlifting and all of those people
out there again single moms I don't go
to the gym I do this from home but be in
the last couple of months I've lost a
stone and I'm only small anyway you know
I've always been slim but it's important
to me
that you get every part of your life in
balance I think and and in your diet
exercising you know they release so many
different chemicals that make you feel
better about yourself so yeah it is hard
work trying to fit all of this in
thought you know it makes such an
incredible difference it does just have
to do it
oops I agree I think it's it's just
small wins no habits rather than looking
at the big picture I think the
comparison thing is a massive point but
it's again it's easier said than done I
think once you find yourself looking at
stuff constantly
I would just news it I would just stop
using that up and just really try and
find yourself which is something that
you mentioned before great stuff and so
the next thing I want to know is about
adversity so you're very bubbly you're
doing amazing things and I'm sure like
like many of our listeners you've had
your fair share of adversity as well
could you if you wouldn't mind explain a
time where you've perhaps been through
adversity maybe something recent I
suppose in your journey whether it's a
deal falling through or something
something significant that you think
that could normally break somebody will
give somebody the opportunity to present
themselves with an excuse I mean we all
have struggles in life I mean only red
light it's it's quite recent only two
years ago now like I said I split with
my ex and it's it's been difficult you
know I'm not I'm not gonna lie becoming
becoming a single mom knowing that had
my business work you know all the other
day-to-day role the role of a mother to
contend with and juggle with it's been
difficult I I took the decision to end
that relationship which again was a
massive you know because I my decision
was going to affect three people not
just myself however I'm i sat one day
was like I feel lonely and I feel
negative and I feel unhappy and I'm in a
relationship and that isn't what its
life's about you should be in a
relationship you should feel adored you
should feel that that person brings
the best of you brings out the best
version of you and that they add to your
life so that was a massive thing for me
to do was to end a relationship
especially when we had a young child
together and almost stop being selfish
because I had to think about the bigger
picture the future and obviously the
position of you know how it was going to
affect my daughter I suppose so yeah I
mean I could have easily have just said
look let's just carry on you know let's
just make it work let's work harder at
it but I had to make that decision to
like we've got to the end of the road
and it's it's not it's not making me any
better it's not making him any better
and it certainly isn't going to make our
daughter any better so I'd say that's a
massive achievement in itself to make
and realize that you needed to make
changes Wow I think you just heard there
it is an achievement I think thinking
about the bigger picture in that in that
scenario because I see spar - often
people who are just unhappy in life yeah
being unhappy you have to accept that
it's a choice and you've sat there and
you thought actually I need to make a
decision here to change this and for the
better and it seems like it's going for
the better I hope obviously the other
party is fine as well and obviously your
daughter's in it in a good place as well
so we've got a very amicable
relationship he's a great guy he's an
amazing dad so and I could never take
that away from him but together I mean
as a family unit we works but together
as a relationship we didn't and and it's
important for for everybody out there
don't be scared like I say so many times
two friends of mine who are in happy
relationships but it's all about the
money and it's all about the security
and you know they're scared but I'd hand
on heart say it's not as hard as you
think it's going to be it really is and
I suppose I'm guilty of it myself
because sometimes when you have to make
a decision and if you know it's going to
hurt one of the other parties I really
really struggle with that and it's only
recent
I just kind of do like a five-four
three-two-one
a kind of a Mel Roberts approach where
I'm like okay five four three two one
and I'll just send that message out or
I'll give him the cord yeah say the
message and like you said it's not as
hard as you think and in hindsight I
mean after a day or two you everything's
normally a lot better than probably the
scenario you're telling yourself in your
head exactly so what's your biggest fear
then my biggest fear I think he cycle
okapi who is failure and doing something
and not succeeding I've been very
fortunate the decisions that I've made
in life of always I've always succeeded
over succeeded and everything that I've
done even little jobs I've had
reception jobs at dental practices and
the the head dentist there is then
offered to give me a position and as a
dental nurse I worked in adopts of
surgery as a receptionist and got asked
if I wanted to train as the practice
manager so people honestly people of
always whatever position I've ever done
in my life they've always seen something
in me to go further than where I am
however you always still have your own
fears and your own doubts about whether
you can achieve what other people can
see in you so yeah I think that's one of
my fit my just fear of failure and fear
of not you know I suppose like Pete
people think that I'm going to be here
like a certain level and I'm like oh my
god am i you know am I gonna let yeah am
I gonna let everybody down
and I'm not gonna reach even their
expectations of me
yeah that's a massive fear of me
sometimes and what what if so for
instance you did fail so say for is this
your next venture in property it didn't
go the way that you wanted it to go
I mean I've struggled to believe that
you would let that knock you down no I
bloody wasn't you know it's one of those
things that you know what at that
particular time that deal wasn't right
and it didn't work and you know there's
massive learning
in it I mean already with my first
project things are coming up that I'm
having to get over I'm learning so much
already because this property that I'm
working currently on is in a
conservation area and I did realize that
the loft extension in its been done and
it's not got planning permission and
there's permitted development for
certain things so loft extensions are
under committed development but in a
conservation area you basically can't
even move a tree
you can't cut hedges down you can't
change windows you can't do anything
without planning permission so it's like
little things like that but I'm learning
because I'm now working with planning
I'm now working with HMO offices you
know contacting I've got a tree that is
like push the roots are pushing into the
property so I'm having to get a survey
done but it's like now I'm in touch with
the council
I've spoken to tree surgeons and all of
that just ask the mom database my you
know everything that I'm learning along
the way and next time if things aren't
that come up he's scary thought because
I've dealt with it all really yeah
absolutely I would personally think
judging by that and say that your
biggest fear is probably expectations
rather than at your failure because I
just feel like you're just go through
your learn and then you're you'll be
better and you just kick ass next time
basically yeah definitely
and I mean I've I've gone very big with
my first projects because a lot of
people said oh my god Donna like it's
your first projects that it's an
eight-oh and obviously we get all the
people the negative people say you can't
do a hecho mo for your project you've
got to 1/8 birds for your first project
you won't get the investors you can't
get a bridge loan because we deal with
bridge loans and I'm like well it's
funny because I'm doing all of that
exactly so but but it's only through the
fact that my sister is my mentor that I
know she's doing it she's getting
properties passed through blanket
article 4 areas people on the HMO groups
which are also on our own are saying
that's impossible that's impossible
that's
so I don't even comment anymore it's
possible yeah absolutely it's just
impossible for them I would just
literally leave it I think it's a
blessing in disguise that obviously
you've got Trisha there to help you as
well because I'm not she's doing
fantastic things but you also have to
give yourself credit as well for your
mindset yeah yes I'm sure she's been a
massive catalyst and help but I just
feel that your enthusiasm and like you
said anything you you generally touch
you will make a success of it so don't
forget to obviously give yourself praise
there as well
yes no no I I think I use my sister to
remind me you know when my little voice
comes in over where yes yes I use my
sister as my no she's done it no she's
done it she's got those figures on
refinance she's managed to do that so
why can't I so she's just I suppose
she's my little crutch at the moment
because I haven't done it so when I have
done it I'll be saying well no I did
that last time you know I'm doing
already done that I just want to bring
up that point as well you mentioned the
little voice because I can so relate to
that and I'm sure there's many of my
listeners who have this little voice in
their head and the beautiful thing with
you just saying that there is we all
have that little voice so some of us
might sit there you might have this
self-doubt and believe that maybe this
just isn't for me but when you start
speaking to people who are doing amazing
things and I'm sure Trisha would
probably say the same thing I bet you
she has that little voice as well but I
think what we have to do is we have to
learn how to calm that voice down and
kind of overpowering I suppose in it and
also reminding yourself that your little
voice isn't you yeah that little voice
isn't you this is all your that's all
that all your insecurities all your
negativity all those it's like the
little devil sitting on your shoulder it
really is telling you that it isn't
possible that you can't do it but you
can because all you need to do is take
action stay positive keep the the right
people around you and network with the
right people and you can make anything
happen
absolutely I love that
what we're gonna do now is we're gonna
go into the fun part of the show and
just keep it that you have no idea
what's gonna happen but oh my god it's
really easy
hopefully it's a bit of fun it's just
sixty Seconds where I'm gonna ask you
the most random questions just to kind
of give the listeners a little bit more
about yourself and mix it up a bit so
are you ready yes all right fantastic
we're going to start in three two one
okay romance or comedy a comedy Italian
or Chinese Italian the best place you've
ever been Australia cinema or bowling
cinema the ability to fly or be
invisible Oh probably to fly money or
fame money horse riding or fashion horse
riding Netflix our YouTube YouTube
Snickers or Mars
Snickers every day favorite TV show ever
probably friends speak all languages
will be able to speak to animals
language is your biggest inspiration at
this particular moment in time
definitely my sister Trisha love it if
you could sit with one person in the
world for an hour who would it be
it's a queen you know would you rather
know how you would die or when you were
dying when if you could have polish one
thing in the world what would it be
bullying your favorite song ever
Stereophonics performance and cocktails
is there and the final question is would
you rather read minds
or predict the future read minds love it
brilliant that's it oh my god bless ya
it's more fun that way because you can't
plan for it really yeah okay so I
believe hindsight is obviously a
wonderful thing and it teaches us that
we can get to places quicker faster and
probably with less money as well but at
the same time the journey does teach us
a lot as well so what I want to know is
if you could go back in time to maybe
one moment where you were younger what
advice would you give yourself yeah I
think at school I got bullied which I'm
sure a lot of people went through so you
know if I wish I had my thoughts my
feelings of our positivity back when I
was like 12 13 I said Terry
with my skin so yeah it was a hard time
during my teenage years and I just wish
I could go back and tell that person
that you know your you are stronger than
you think you are and these people it's
their own insecurities it's their own
issues with themselves that are causing
them to bully you yeah so I I own ously
would not change a single thing that has
happened in my life because it's been
Who I am today for like you said if I
had to go back I would love to tell that
little girl the life will be good life's
gonna be amazing you just need to
believe in yourself I love it
I hate bullying like when you said that
yes named with me because I've had
family members suffer with it I was I
suppose I was very fortunate that I was
quite popular at school so I kind of
never really in aspect but even now
growing up and becoming I suppose more
intelligent more emotionally aware I
sometimes keeping myself how I never
really like intervened or stopped sort
of you know how yeah kind of laugh with
the crowd and I suppose that yeah that's
just as bad really but at that time yeah
so you feel like you'd you feel like you
should have stood up myself for that
because if I ever see anything now as a
man I'd always jump in but as a kid I
suppose you're almost kind of worried I
suppose that if you jump in then you're
gonna be at the crux of everyone's jokes
yeah I think social medias happen in
terms of bringing it out there so when
there are these cases going on and I've
seen quite a few terrible stories it is
bringing the importance that you know
this just isn't acceptable because it
was such a long term effect but I'm so
glad that it hasn't obviously affected
you too much because now you're doing
amazing things and inspiring yeah and
and you know what it's quite nice now
that I'm older and I am successful and I
look back on those people at that time
who aren't doing very well now and I'm
like that's because of the decisions
that you've taken because of the actions
you know and how you're behaved is
resorted to where you are today and - to
be honest I'd love to sit down with them
really
then reflect on their decisions and what
they're doing in their life to make
their lives better yeah absolutely
brilliant so sadly that actually brings
us to the last question of the day and
the last question I always ask my guess
is if in a 150 years time and science
fails to save us and all that is left is
a book on a table and that book is about
yourself it's about your life and
everything that you've accomplished in
your life what would the title of that
book be and what would the blurb tell us
about you oh what a question the title
would definitely be never give up hmm
love it so doesn't matter how hard it
gets doesn't matter how many obstacles
get in the way it doesn't matter how
many people tell you that you can't do
it just never give up because I can tell
you now if you just keep striving for
what you want you will get what you
deserve
never give up obviously that's a
motivational thing it's something that's
why people but when they turn it over I
want them to understand the author a
little bit so what will it say about
Donna I think it will say that I was a
very hardworking forward-thinking
bubbly motivated person who at the
moment even I just want to help so many
different people so yeah I just hope
that even just 2% of my energy rubs off
on people and and I think like after the
real life event that we've had this
weekend the amount of people that came
up to me and said oh my god you've made
this weekend amazing because of your
energy and your Drive and how positive
you are and it really is buzzed me off
I'm like I'll just feel like I'm on
cloud nine now so yeah I think
and that's the sort of lasting
impression I live on people and I hope
that's the lasting impression on people
because that's what I want to do I want
to make people feel like anything is
possible
absolutely I'm confident in well because
I think your infectious you remind me of
a good friend of mine sunny yes we yeah
we both know sunny day I've not met I've
not had the pleasure it's a meeting yeah
because unfortunately we've had to
rearrange a couple of meetings but yes
he's another individual I'm looking
forward
absolutely it's just good to be around
people who can lift you up especially in
a world where there's always negativity
flying around it's always good to be
around positive people yes just before
we close the show I want to give them
you an opportunity to let the listeners
connect with yourself where would you
tell him to come and find you yes oh I'm
everywhere at the moment very quickly
yeah luckily because I've already got a
business I know how it all works oh I've
already got an Instagram account
a compass property investment I'm on
Facebook compass property investment
also under my own name Donna Marie Pegg
anyone can contact me there I've got
email it can contact me for email so
yeah everything's up and running and
I've even bought my domain for my
website that will I'm sure be getting
set up within the next 12 months
yes so I'm I know how to be out there
and in your face that's Brad because
that's what I want I want the listeners
to be able to connect to you so would
you say Facebook as a first point of
course yes definitely Facebook I do far
more on Facebook than anywhere else so
they can find me through my personal
page Donna Marie peg and it's open to
the public now it never used to be a
compass property investment page which
is also active
it's got ongoing updates what projects
I'm working on I'll be doing live videos
on their videos if the properties show
you how my build team are getting on and
also I'm wanting to use it
also a little bit like a blog so you
know they so they can see what I'm doing
when I'm doing it how I'm doing it and
also what things I'm coming up against
so because I'm hoping to use it as a way
of teaching others the you know this is
the problem I've come up against this is
how I've got around it this is what I've
done these are the people that have
contacted this is the strategies are put
in place so I'm also teaching people to
the things that I and the self and I
know you've had problems along the way
but I hope that by sharing the problems
that I've had it will allow them to
either avoid the problems or deal with
those problems head-on because they've
had the information and the tools that
they need to get past it really okay so
what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna add all
of those links and the Instagram which I
never knew about so I'll add that as
well in the challenge I'm standing here
on Instagram my compass property
investment group because I was actually
looking this morning I think it was
before we started this interview I was
like is she on Instagram and I was
typing in Donna I couldn't find anything
no made from memories so made from
memories are on there my keepsake bears
and my property I haven't got a personal
page because I think it's him back on to
the gym and fitness and outfitting it's
something I imagine to go into possibly
setting up a business aimed towards
single parents so single moms single
dads and giving them a place that they
can have no reason to not go because
there's childcare in their package in
their membership package and I think
that's something that I'm going to aim
with my purse maybe set up a personal
Instagram and you know build that up
around the setting of her gym PT
sessions with mums single mums and
single dads to allow them the
opportunity to always focus on their
their health and their physical exercise
regardless of having children I love it
as if you haven't got enough to do
you're gonna sell
so everything else is being ran by
everybody else because this is what you
do you set the businesses or can you
come out of the business then it gives
me the time and the freedom to do the
other things that I love so much
no that's brilliant I think I certainly
recommend sit in a pair a personal one I
kind of do the same thing I have a
personal one I have a property one I
have a social enterprise or now I've
just I had a podcast one is also it's
almost my job that's right yeah find
your voice podcast yeah fantastic I'll
have to follow you back straight after
this Donna I just want to say a massive
thank you for taking time out of your
day to share your story I'm very
confident it's gonna inspire many many
people and to the listeners at home
thanks for listening
my absolute yeah thank you very much for
asking me I read and remember this
podcast is absolutely free so all we ask
in return is for you to share this with
a friend and drop us a 5-star review
over on iTunes have an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 11 - My Little Spartan - Michael V Kalisperas #11
Tagline: "Unleash your inner spartan..."
Apologies in advance for the sound quality on my end. Technical issues certainly played their role. But in true spartan fashion we kept going.
Michael Kalisperas life turned upside when his son was hit with a number of health conditions due to the neglect of a midwife. Sadly his beautiful son's life had changed which would have a knock on effect to Michael and his family.
However determined to not let this get him down, Michael continued to take action and let his excuses be a thing of the past. Realising his own excuses and rationales to avoid doing the hard stuff are so insignificant compared to the battles his son, and daughter face on a daily basis he ensured he crushed his goals.
A successful property investor, an author, a father and loving husband Michael story is one which touched my heart.
I reached out personally when I first heard his story because he genuinely changed my whole perception on the way I view my life or sometimes feel about my own situation.
I urge you all to ignore the sound defects, which I take full responsibility for and listen to this incredible man's story.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mikekalispera (Personal)
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EffusiveMarketing/ (Facebook group)
Michaels book: https://amzn.to/2RUZ7MS
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so it's very rare that
I will stop a podcast especially at the
end of it just to kind of find out who
the individual is now I'm not saying I
don't get inspired or motivated by
people but generally speaking I'm just
kind of excited for the next podcast
however on this particular occasion a
few years ago I actually pause the
podcast towards the end of the show now
the only problem was I still had the
rest of my car journey to go so I was
kind of sitting in silence but it was
worth it because I really wanted to send
a message to this individual who I'm now
very grateful to have on my podcast and
I sent a message out to Michael to kind
of say thank you for the inspiration for
the motivation and more importantly I
hope things really do progress a little
bit easy for him I suppose in life and
speaking to him in this interview it's
difficult to say how things got easier
but one thing I can say is that he's
attitude is still the same he's
willingness to just go out there and
take action and not be a victim of his
circumstances is fantastic and that's
kind of what this podcast is about it's
about eliminating your excuses it's
about pay with the cards that you're
dealt with it's about literally thinking
okay this is what's happened now how do
I change this how do I go out into the
world and really find my voice and kind
of write my own story so I think I'm
going to leave it there
I just want to say before it starts I
did have some teething issues with the
Wi-Fi so we actually have to do a zoom
core where
which was fine for videos but
unfortunately some of the Sam when I was
editing it back wasn't quite as clear as
I had hoped because I was using my
laptop speaker as opposed to my mic that
I'm now recording this intro with so
hopefully you can bear with this because
I think more important than the sound
quality is the message and the story
behind Michael's life so without further
ado let's get this interview on the way
okay so I am here today with my course
obviously I want to say thank you
Michael for taking time out of your day
and there how are you doing today young
I'm very well thank you
good stuff good stuff so I think it's
important for the listeners to really
start to understand your story from
yourself so if you could please explain
how you progress through life yeah sure
progress through life as it seems like a
I'm 42 in them in literally a couple of
weeks time so it's February you know so
not long I'm gonna be 42 so other know
where to begin to go through the whole
life scenario but I've done quite a lot
of things I guess I could go back to
even school where I would say I was
probably not the best at school and not
really someone that was a you know in
these special sets as they call him
because I wasn't really interested in
school I didn't feel the vibe at school
I just didn't you know bond with the
teachers if I'm being honest but my life
completely changed where when I went to
college and you meet a different type of
teacher and different environment and it
was a bit more more creative more my
feeling you know what cuz I've always
come from a creative background I've
always been like an artist as such and
then I ended up pretty much ending up
going to to university ended up at de
Montford University and doing them so we
call multimedia design and marketing
basically which was basically it was
multimedia and I left there and a lot of
my friends ended up in the 3d world from
from from those sort of forces and ended
up her kind of like playing games for
Sony Playstation so I'm got a real while
yeah got really good friends I'm quite
well in that and then and I ended up
basically showcasing my work they they
asked for a few people to earn
to showcase their work at an exhibition
in London I think it was the Olympia I
can't remember the actual name of the
venue from being asked me so many years
ago and it was a big place and and they
had about I don't know six of us the
showcase our stuff so they picked people
that they wanted to showcase at this
show and it was just like a sort of like
greatest show and Khaitan story short I
got a head hunted by my boss back then
Charla Crais for the BBC ended up
working at the BBC basically doing
designs and websites for them and yeah
we touched on many many areas it was
within a group of people as a lot of
these companies are and so I was in the
designer group and basically design
websites ranging from Teletubbies to
crime watch Top Gear yeah yeah very very
very very very varied set of you know
even like you know History Channel maybe
we've seen so it was really it was a
department called fracture and learning
back at the time I think they've got rid
of the actual Department have something
else it's called a different name now
yeah and I was in and I didn't stay
there as long as I could of I decided to
leave I don't know what it was I come
from originally London actually
ironically but most of my life was
brought up in a small village called
Mulford where they've got the movin
hills and more than spring water and all
this kind of thing and it is a bit like
house on the prairie kind of thing and
as when I lived there I can't wait to
get out and you know escape and get into
University and all that sorcerer and and
meet people and but when you go to the
like concrete jungle and kind of think
on what god what is this AZ yeah yeah
it's kind of like we start realizing you
know my dad says it is well he lived in
them the most of his life I actually
came over here with nothing I mean he
literally had no money for shoes he
literally came with nothing from from
Cyprus and he started up and he's done
well for himself through hard graft and
he he said to me I will I won't go back
to London even if someone pays me you
know you
not because he doesn't like London
didn't love it you just just just found
a different vibe somewhere else simple
as that and I think for me it's the same
find different vibe I still go to London
often I'm going for five days literally
in the next day date in half I'm going
there for five days you're going in out
of business and meet people and you know
so yeah it's a it's I love it a little
bit but to live there it's a different
world he's in it
different world I lived there bought a
house on the outskirts of it was a was
well II did the Olympics actually now
really wish I didn't sell it I ended up
selling it because I got squatter's you
believe that I so that's my first true
investment and actually that property
now is worth about seven hundred
thousand I bought it about 115 I think
it was i sold actually actually i only
had it for a year and I sold it but I
made 40k profit in that point that's lo
que ya I can't complain and it was a but
still I can't complain absolutely my
point of doing it in keeping up was I
always I always thought back there I
used to watch location occasionally all
those programs and I always wanted to
build my own house I just wanted might
get buy land above my house and you know
obviously working in London you know
you've got to be pretty sorted you know
sign up and bloody you know 23 years old
or whatever was coming about what and
you know the reality is that to buy land
in London
absolutely from some guy in Morphin you
know
and yeah just bought that property no
the plan was to keep it but
unfortunately got screwed over yeah yeah
and I was kind of like I just lost the
will to live my eyes I have to get rid
so yeah ventually got rid of them and
they trashed it as well because although
I Franky refurbished it and they trashed
it which was really nice of them
but hey and it's one of those and it I'm
back in it now yeah back into property
well I wanted to do it quicker if I'm
being honest with you I bought my own
house back in Melbourne after I sold my
my house there
bought my own house back in well when
that was brick building you know
something come up whilst we're coming
out of the recession a boy at the
recession period which was the worst
thing can do I look because I'm so
paranoid I was stuck on a high
fixed-rate back of n so back then when
rates were going down to ridiculous
amounts I was on a 6% or something crazy
and it was but it was high right at the
wrong time but there was there's off at
this something there's nothing better
than having a peaceful kind of like you
know as long as you can work bloody hard
did all the hours of possibly do to
cover it and literally you like working
and everything was going straight into
that pretty much but I truly believe you
know if you can get through the hard
times that you know the green the greens
growing you know absolutely is not
growing yeah so no it was a it was worth
it it was worth it and there's my my
first house and I say proper house 5
bedroomed detached properties in it yeah
lots of people of them you know done
things with you know the great things
but at the time that was the right thing
absolutely how so some wonderful thing
isn't it yeah absolutely
so that's took you back into property I
used still actively a property investor
knows that where you kind of call
yourself or ya know it's a bit weird
because I mean I think digress in that
last question I'm I got back into
property after my son was made severely
disabled basically we basically had my
beautiful son born
Vasili born completely healthy came home
with him completely normal and then a
mistake by the Midwife
not following certain procedure
basically ended up with a catalogue of
mistakes not just the Midwife we forgave
them publicly in the newspapers which is
pretty damn hard to do because you know
there was blatant mistakes I mean when
you go to the report that they did it
was like there was several mistakes and
it basically you know from having a
beautiful child born healthy coming home
you know healthy we've got a child now
that's severely disabled trapped in his
hot and wheelchair pretty much trapped
in his body and declared blind deaf with
spastic cerebral Z so I mean he's real
control is his taste
you know and that was hard we were told
he was blind to completely weave and
sort of like therapy and all sorts of
stuff we research in America and and you
know not too long ago we had some
reports saying that he's they put some
probes on his head and the reckon he
could see now and that really just about
that he was completely deaf but we
painful taking a decision while they're
young to put them through horrible
operations but but we put him through an
operation that has given him like the
robotic sound if you know I mean so ok
he's got something called Cochlear's
where they kind of drill into the head
they put a magnet processor goes on that
and then they put some probes or
whatever goes straight down into the
cochlea and now that goes back to a
processor and so he can hear like and
the best way I describe it to people is
why we've been described we've been told
it is Americans used to talk yeah that's
how he can hear pretty much so he'll
pick some things up certain spectrum
some sounds he might not be able to pick
up but um generally you know but he
reacts to me he knows me his mom he
knows that's the love it definitely
responses without that just give me an
example but the amount of light therapy
they put on him is basically that you
put it had he his blood was poisoned
pretty much had to do platoons but they
the way they can sort of negate that
that the increase of bilirubin which
helped cause brain damage was put him
under the lights and they did that for a
lot of premature children actually but
but they put him under the lights and he
was that much under the lights that he
actually looked like a black child and
he was you know you know at work with
olivey skin but generally kind of white
you know but he look like a black child
and you know I will never forget and
I've got him on my phone I mean
literally I've just got him on my phone
and it's a reason to have a picture of
him on my phone like this the reason why
people think it's probably weird why do
I have him as a screen saver as my child
with all these tubes in him you know up
his nose on his arms everywhere probes
everywhere and looking it's like
completely you know
okay but the reality is I'm really proud
of him that's why that's his that's his
defining moment you know they survived
that and no matter how much crap has
happened since in the last almost seven
years literally I look at that photo and
when I'm feeling it and I've had a lot
of crap come on trust me within a lot of
locals when I'm really feeling that
thinking how dare I even complain you
know I complain this kid has gone
through everything you know and he
steals your perception and kills
everything that is your lifee absolutely
yeah yeah I'm even using that now on my
diet I'm on I want to call it a
lifestyle change a lifestyle yeah I love
that change but I've lost like almost I
was it I was 17 pound 17 stone - alright
and I put on weight free depression 17
pounds - - and with just over three
weeks on and I'm I'm 1510 now so baby
it's a big drop for a short period time
and that's because of him you know
because I just think I thought screw
this I can't I can't keep killing myself
absolutely but it's a property yeah I'd
say I'd say that was my defining moment
I needed to do something to help my son
and to have my family well we're in
hospital whilst all that stuff was going
on with transit bills coming in needed
to pay and what people don't show you is
you know obviously you don't have the
support you know the supports maybe late
Iran after a while a little bit of
support here in there so it's charitable
support you know if you get a case
through negligence then you get support
later on down the line
but even then you've got support where
people assume or you know you thought
you got proper support your support so
it's actually like that last night you
know I had about four hours sleep which
is standard now most people don't get
that they think that's weird but that's
standard for us and like we've got with
three carry Shaw so you know my wife and
I cover in that you know
I got full-time care 24/7 well he's
supposed to Apple we've never had
full-time 24 not for seven years it's
just impossible it's just we struggle to
get people you know what you get it it's
like it's like yeah unfortunately our
home has become a business in terms of
like it's a care home you know but you
know what in the last year he's been
really stable so you know it's taking a
lot more there's less hospital visits
and stuff like that so you know he's
been really really stable and you know
he sees making massive massive strides I
mean he was declared blind he was
declared death
we know he can see now he's using on I
guess how much he can see we don't know
I truly believe it's with the therapy we
did with that research we did with
Christine Ramon which basically involved
putting a torch in the eyes and
switching on and off watch the people
open and grow he'd never met a flinch to
talk through the light and he could
flinch and then so at night me and my
wife throughout the night with taking
turns and just through four hours
you know switched it has to be tungsten
not a blue like they can screw through
the eyes er it has to be like those
old-fashioned boulders you know yellow
ones and yeah and you just watch his
body so he's like my sergeant is I I
recite which open and grow grew and
closing and and yeah off and then
eventually after months of doing that
once I think is my wife in the in the
bathroom she was he wasn't sleep and
seals up with him and she was just doing
it bless her persevering on and she's
just called me and I'm not military went
in there and the lights were all off I
put the lights on and I put the lights
on because you had a torch and he
changed the hell Wow
and she goes let's see he did it to you
as well I'm like wow that's crazy
so ya know it's mine it's mine so is
that and then again he was fed through
the tube and we retrained him through a
like a milk bottle he couldn't move his
mouth off he couldn't in his brain
damage basically he's brain damaged but
and we used to squeeze the teat you know
and then move his bottom of his chin
with our finger just dissolved so get
him into a sort of like you know any now
he takes it takes food from the weekend
from Holly is it
it's it's been hard it's been hard man
but you know perseverance what can I say
and that's what it is and I think it's
difficult because obviously I can't
relate to anything that you've gone
through in that situation but using that
as an example so my foster siblings
say pastor Simmons there were initially
foster siblings we went through special
guardianship so three of my siblings
have had similar what's gonna call it
disabilities growing up as well so for
instance the older one he's got a mental
age which is less than half his age
we've got one who's on the autistic
spectrum yeah and when they came into my
life a little bit which is why I
resonate with your story a bit is it
change my whole perception of life and
everything that I used to mourn about
the silliest things now I'm grateful for
and I know you know we all sending out
quotes every single day and we're all
trying this positive beacon of light but
I genuinely had them within my followers
as well similar to yourself and it's
near when I'm there feeling crappy or
feeling sorry for myself because I don't
know the car tires flat or something
something daft perspective but these
kids are finding them much harder battle
them then I'm having to fight and yes
it's commendable because I don't want to
make this about property because anyone
that wants to know my calling properties
new fantastic and you've got podcasts
out for that and you can reach out to
him afterwards but this is more about
you as a person who's taken this use you
change the perception you've dealt with
the cars that you are handed it's not
fair I can't explain only thing anyone
can explain why weird out certain cards
but all we can do is play with them the
best way that you can a new kind of I
know you very quickly scaled up after
that and maybe that's because your back
was against the wall I suppose and yeah
you spy on me I mean there's a my
favorite quote and I promote it in one
of my groups could effusive entrepreneur
it's called it's from Jack London and
it's a it's basically about you know
playing a bad hand well basically yeah
and there's an ace of cards you know ace
of hearts on the card you can you can
always play a bad hand well and so
basically don't even if you you can do
feels like on them on the outside of it
you might feel like you're losing it's
how you play or how you react to that
that counts so example is in property
is I mean add a commercial to
residential big one
I'm Birmingham it's 15 rooms in the end
and it was my my first commercial and my
second project in property and I pretty
much jumped the gun a bit but we have
everything complying at us literally and
it was really stressful and at the same
time as going through moments or like
I've been for my own health care
problems I was going through cancer
scare myself and there's a lot going on
obviously my son and you know dealing
with deal certain builders oh my god
nightmare and getting things wrong and
it was just you know massive learning we
had contamination issues we had we had
all sorts of problems just cracking on
but you know again look at my my son on
my photo on my on my phone and I talk
about my son but I actually used my son
as a metaphor for my family yeah because
my kids that my children Ellie Maria two
girls they're just as amazing Maria for
instance she's actually disabled as well
but people don't know it and she's got
some good Zubaz syndrome where middle
part of her head the brains not fully
formed and really rare and it can happen
by being sheared and my bum or I've been
shitty stressed at birth and it can be
it can happen from genes and all
something that it's not our genes
because we checked them and you know it
basically she's got autistic issues she
could go blind that she grows older
because the protein doesn't protect her
eyes and all this kind of stuff but she
could have been worse I mean apparently
they're not supposed to have balance and
can't walk but she she fires us all I
mean she was she was born and had was
shaken her lace and Eliza liked she had
nystagmus and head wouldn't stop shaking
so she's trained a brain to you know to
planets her eyes and and she's learned
you know to keep straight and she she's
talking to normal school she's doing
everything she's you know she's only
four or five now and she's doing really
really well and I she's got little
tantrum tantrums but not doesn't quite
understand certain stuff but I mean I'd
say but now she's still more behaved
some children I know that haven't got
nearly so I class
I think I don't sort of put out there
just because she's not disabled really
you know he is on paper but she's not so
for me you know it's almost like my son
was brought there to sort of like help
us deal with the shit that's to come if
that makes sense my thought was like
that and we didn't have no problems
before and all the stuff for the
property stuff I don't I think what
would have hit was hard but going
through sheer hell you know when my son
really sort of prepared us a lot for a
lot of stuff oh it came I understand
that but I think sometimes it's funny
because I don't wish anyone to really go
through pain it's not yeah yeah but that
makes me feel sad when I know people are
going through pain but sometimes I feel
people need to experience some level of
adversity you know not to really find
focus and change their life as well and
as much as I'm trying to tell people
don't wait for that wake-up call for
example don't wait for to find out that
your child may need extra care for
example or you've been hit with the
illness get out there and do it now and
I suppose it's easier said than done
because if nobody's having to live the
life Safe Routes that you've lived for
example yeah well like my siblings they
don't really have that agency my it's
frustrating I get frustrated because I'm
like we are so blessed like beyond means
even what we're doing now being able to
communicate how we eyes Isis anything
yeah absolutely I mean there's so much
horrible stuff out there in the world
and it's just you know it's crazy to you
know to to not be grateful for what
we've got and and and you know when you
see people that are grateful when
they've got little and we've all been
there we've all been them in some way in
our minds we've been at the greatest of
lows and it could be from spitting out
with your boyfriend or girlfriend
it could be splitting up with you know
you know a JV partner I don't know the
point a point is you know at that point
it could be serious the most absolute
low you know you could have health
issues cancer issues family there's all
sorts we've had that as well in this
period and that n is it's not great it's
not great but at the same time you know
I've always said one of my sayings is
like you know we will never you know
we'll never
I don't get my words up today well we're
never given a Golden Path
it was never we never no one promised us
anything you know and so and so like if
you want something you've got to go and
get it you either fail or you success
fall you know and if you're successful
great if you fail get up and do it again
and keep trying that and even if you've
got no money or anything there's always
away you know and you know what worst
comes to the worst I'm dying from
something it's if you've got your mind
in the right mind and you think you know
what I was conceived that's amazing I
lived a few years that's amazing if you
get your mind in the right mind you
still be grateful even when you're dying
you know I mean and we've seen other
witness people like that you know yeah I
love that mindset you just touched on
something and make sure we add it at the
end of the show you've got a group you
just say yeah I've got I've got a group
it's called the effusive entrepreneur
okay so anything about stuff like these
entrepreneurs is in the name but about
your mindset as well well it's actually
I do marketing I do it mine only a
marketing training and that's like a
little group I actually put more effort
in my closed group which is people in my
arm in a number the thing for me is like
I literally had a VA that was helping me
out on that side of things
and she literally went AWOL live just
randomly went AWOL and I don't know what
happened I really don't know but she's
from Philippines
it just went AWOL so yeah looking at a
decent VA at the moment I think I found
one
we'll see how it goes but yeah now I
need to push push put more engagement in
that group from being honest with you
okay yeah I know it's a great group I've
got loads of people about I think about
300 people in the group yeah I do
engagement but not as much as I like
I've got a couple of other groups have
got one called it's magnetic marketing
system is another group it's just
basically a really secret one group
where it's just the people that I train
arm property marketing getting leads
about business and all that kind of
stuff an investment it's a small very
small group at the moment I've got a few
people that you guys know some really
great people successful people right in
there and yeah
so that's going really well gonna be
open that up again soon um yeah just
I've got my event in London that's
causing a lot of bloody Wow yeah my son
right that's marketing again it's going
to be we've got we've got a Khadija the
apprentice star she's gonna be there
we've got a YouTube expert you know he's
helped Samuel Leeds get from 50,000 to
150,000 something a lot you know he's
talking it's all about marketing it's
gonna be it's gonna be awesome and can
fit about 480 people at the Marriott
Hotel in London it's my event big
pressure on me it's only 16th and 17th
of March this year prices start at 97
pounds but you get actually what we're
doing now we get got this program
actually that I'm affiliated to and
we're going to be offering people free
access to this program which is you know
pretty amazing yeah any other ticket
prices which basically covers their
costs on the bottom ticket easily and
basically they could create landing
pages you know can forgive the email
system within it so if you want to build
your own website that's the and
templates in there so they get that for
free
I haven't launched it yet but you've
heard it here first on our I'm just
gonna say you were saying your nervously
I'm sure you don't need any more
motivation than just to look at your
phone before that exactly exactly that
may be right yeah okay absolutely that I
see it I mean I guess that the
nervousness is the fact that you know
it's a it's a big thing you'd love to
fill it out you know you care about it
care about I've got 15 speakers and many
come from abroad there's people like you
know top and marketers making 40 50
grand a month you know it's crazy but a
figure of guy there
their partnership guys and and and you
know it's yeah it's it's this pressure
you know but it's great it's great now
I'm like you know I'm one of these like
you know it's easy for me to go easy
coming to go you know what you've got to
try these things what does Rob Moore say
don't the risk you know basically
absolutely yeah yeah I'm sure
well yeah I'm so it's all quite a few
tickets not enough but we've only just
launched so you know it's a it's
something we pushing out there look
forward to it make sure you media
information is
after this and I'll send you a signature
notes it's automated I said it put a lot
of people it's good for you know coaches
anyone wanting to launch an event anyone
that's in marketing wants to do a bit
more marketing on their property and get
some really great bubbly gonna get some
tools for it
fantastic okay brilliant so you actually
doing like more stuff than I knew about
you I know I know of course he's a
full-time dad and I thought that would
be taking up all your time but here you
are making your own events and
everything so another question then so
you're successful in what you've done in
terms of the property you're doing a
great job with your children and your
family so what's the day like from the
moment you wake up tell you got like 17
or yeah I bet I am
I wake up about four or five in the
morning right sometimes going to bed
late unfortunately but it's not my
choice no that's not by choice that's
actually by habit now that's initially
it wasn't by choice now if I'm being
honest with you the reality is I could
sleep a little bit longer but I've just
it's just become me now if I can get
sleep and I accidently sleep through
that because all exhausted or whatever
and and actually doing this diet it's
really helping me so if my son doesn't
disturb me and doesn't wake up and that
you know I could easily go into 7:00
you know easy yeah well it's it's just
um it's just nice you know I actually
get a good rest when I go to like events
you know you know so but my schedule is
basically get about four or five I I
always turn ask me why it's really
strange but I always always come
downstairs I eat a banana
randal cake I'm not banana man
my first thing I do a banana I go to my
son I give him a really big kiss because
he's exhaust get ready has his dinner
and he's get ready for his he's like
specialist school a given big kiss the
girls are still in bed and my son's lot
obviously awake and then I start looking
at my schedule for the day I never
follow it just to me
okay he's organized work just look at it
yes I'm aware of it because what happens
when I start creating a website or
landing page for someone
or final for someone to help convert you
know get people to event or through
Facebook ads or whatever I'm doing for
people I end up like getting engrossed
in the computer and some way it's gonna
be supposed to be an hour it ends up
being longer so so setting time because
for me doesn't and and what I do is I
just make sure I do the stuff and and I
make sure I do it at whatever cost and
so I do I literally do that and I try
and mix it with the children like I have
the computer here in the living room mo
more often on by my bed upstairs on my
bed believe in our it's not the best
comfortable thing to do here because of
the reception's better there you know a
billion you get piece if the kids are
kind of well-behaved watching TV I like
to kind of come here in that but if it's
too noisy I just can't I just can't over
this I've got like a an outbuilding as
well that I converted for a training
suite and I've got an office there that
needs a little bit more finishing off
but it's pretty much burn so I'm gonna
start and can start utilizing that more
just gets a bit cold I've got the heat
is on there in that but it's like you go
warm it up for like an hour or so before
and today I can't be asked you know just
a lot stay upstairs on my bed and just
do my work you know not a great thing to
do but now I've got a proper PT involved
with my exercise we're gonna make it
that part of my schedule something to do
this year try and get you know not just
use the lose the the fat actually gets
physically more stronger and you know
getting care scheduling for that at
least I think for me there's anything on
schedule that I want to do I'm pushing
my marketing efforts because a lot
people while so I've been my property
journey you know I've had a few podcasts
and interviews and so on I've not really
promote it'll push what I what I trained
in you know design and marketing and and
I've had a few people approached me over
the years from property world and it's
like I've helped them massively I've
helped people like were there you know
they might have a 399 ebook and I make
them 15k within a couple of months in
just Facebook ads but
by promoting a book you know and it's
it's I know I'm good at what I do but I
don't
and III this is my biggest flaw I don't
like selling I don't like selling and
I'm one of rob mores mentors and I've
signed up to his thing cuz I got really
good at helping people value their
selves helping them realize their worth
and he said something recently he said
he said something about when people say
oh I don't need to sell myself I don't
need yeah I don't need to sell myself
people come to me that's me that's me
man I hate to admit it it's like I get I
get work it just comes to me right but
actually imagine what I'd do if I should
start promoting myself you know leave it
so much on the table yeah I'm leaving so
much on the table almost I almost don't
give a crap because I'm designing my own
life you know I mean yeah at the same
time if I really want to get to my goal
my goal is actually to eventually be
able to afford to buy an Ironman suit
for my son some sort of give him the
independence thought we know that's
gonna cost millions and if I want to get
to that goal at that you know at that
point then I'm gonna have to do better
than this sort of like you know just you
know happy happy that enough works
coming my way and people using me that
way I think I should be you know
professionalizing myself a little bit
more and and valuing myself more to the
point that I should promote myself it's
just that there's a nervousness of
promoting yourself I mean I think you've
probably seen it amongst the the the
forums and that people kind of think
your guru rising yourself or you know
like oh god who's another person
thinking a minute I had a business
before hello you know these people
business before and what you do in
business is you promote a market that's
what you're supposed to do you know
they're almost I allow myself to be
affected by other people's judgments
which you can't do even myself I mean I
promote myself a lot more recently
especially in the last 12 months in
terms of like my own brand and me as a
person that initially was the hardest
thing I've ever had to do and the whole
point of like you need to know your
Worth and stuff
we were spoken to me I thinking one of
my first jobs when I was young as a
project manager and my manager at the
time because I came out of me
you know when they ask you what's
special about you give three things as
an icebreaker I was like nothing I'm
just I'm just me yeah he told me
afterwards because he he listed like a
few things that he found special about
me and long story short he was that if
you don't blow your own trumpet nobody
else is gonna in this world because of
the way the moment is and I don't know
you always resonated with me and it
still took me the best part of seven
eight years later on to real stuff I'm
thinking if I can just do this and not
really worry about the engagement and
kind of just be like look I've got a
message here I want to share it it comes
from the heart it's honest if you
resonate with it fantastic if you don't
not a problem so it was difficult for us
because they used to send it off and
you're kind of looking at your phone
thinking what's gonna happen and now
it's kind of like I just Lars a and
people ask me that how did you write
content and I say I don't like really
write contact a kind of document like my
life kind of things like you've done
something a property I'll speak about it
if it's health and fitness I'll speak
about it if it's like an interesting
meeting I'll just speak about it and
hopefully I always try and give people
some sort of tangible yeah information
that they can take away I think you
should be that because I didn't know you
were doing all these amazing crazy
wonderful things yeah a bit here in
there I do you know I mean I'll get my
flap out on flipping social media just
to really put myself available to the
world you know that I'm gonna lose
weight and I say I wrote i put a vision
I put watch this miraculous journey of
this of me this is anyway and I've done
it in three weeks already there's no
ultimate accountability
you know ridicules you that you're gonna
be it's embarrassing
a whole lot the source stuff but at the
same time you know for the first time in
my life we have tried different diets
since what happened to my son I put a
lot of weight on the first time in my
life I'm facing it head-on so yeah oh
you and look at my fat mass yeah I'm
here
absolutely even my addictions and I call
them addictions because that's all I've
ever eat and then it's like I literally
get urges for this stuff isn't my port
my secrets of this diet is I'm facing it
and I call it the no BS lifestyle diet
okay basically I put Pringles fizzy
drinks and I've got a packet of Haribo
outside of my bed
oh no Quinn okay right and I sleep with
them by the side of my bed and I wake
that with the word we
because I had to face my addictions yeah
yeah and it's a bit like that in
property when people would like go to
training training training training
training training training training
training training the good mentors were
saying you got to do you've got to just
you know and and I you know I'm a course
drinking I'm proud of it I'm proud of it
I'm a course drunk eating for two main
reasons number one it's always good even
if you already know the stuff to go over
again it's good to get reminders right
but number two and this is the biggest
one
mentors need Mentors even if you're
whatever level you are and all my
mentors have got mentors themselves you
know I mean Nick James is mentorship
I've been under song azuki's mentorship
I mean Rob Moore's mentorship you know
the reality is and I I mentor other
people myself yeah and I truly believe
that you you've got to really be what's
the word humble enough to want to keep
learning absolutely and there's a lot of
people that are arrogant and feel like
the only courses well good for you happy
you do not everyone wants to work that
way I actually love people right I love
networking I love people but I love
genuine people that I've got integrity
they're true to them certainly I really
can't stand people that fake I hate it
and I can sense them a mile away and and
I always when I talk about marketing's
be true to yourself just be yourself and
people attract to you and a good friend
of ours Camilla does the sa stuff I
would say so name
can we look oh yeah she's exactly great
and I mentor mentoring in marketing as
well but it's usually just started to be
fair and and you know she's a really
great she's doing massive should be
really successful and she's doing it by
just being herself she's been brilliant
you know and you know we all learn off
each other I've learned a lot of Simon's
uchi I've learned a lot of Rob more I've
learned a lot of Nick James you know
I've got another mentor that is you know
definitely need him because he's like
he's like a sales machine he really
knows he's you know he's good he's got a
product called open with a closing
doesn't do its Leslie it's just like you
know you want my product is I'm worth
this much and you know so this is what
it is and he's named my Elwell really
great guy amazing guy getting hired by
some really top guys at the moment
because he's easy really is you know
legend or what he does and so yeah I
want to constantly improve I want to be
I want to be my ultimate self before I
die and I know more than a lot of people
know life it's bloody short man
it really is severely because of your
experiences yeah absolutely yeah
yeah I think you touch on quite a few
things with your whole I'm looking
forward to it but I actually lose 42
pounds in seven and a half weeks myself
so what I want to do boxing never go to
the gym and I was a think was about 24
at the time and there was like seven
year-olds two ten-year-olds very cheeky
little kids and I'd to go for a room
with him so I told the kids because then
I was all the way and I could I couldn't
run more than like 200 meters and all I
could hear him was saying come on old
man come on Batman and all these kind of
like really literally me facing it but I
took I took it personally I was like
I'll get you back and then with a love
working working my ass off basically for
the next two months it really really
helped and there is no magic formula to
anything whether it's property whether
it's health and fitness whatever it is
literally you just got to go and do it
and then if you you learn a little bit
you pivot I hope that's called it on my
uncle my own podcast called Mike drops
get okay I guess my drop is call mine
yet close and I've interviewed a couple
of a top level you know we're talking
really high level guys in America my
calls another guy called les Evans and
11 there's Evan said a thing to me he
said he said um he said people think
there's an easy route to success but
it's all hard work even when it doesn't
look that way and he said even if you're
people just speak in the thing they're
just speaking they're successful from
speaking and
and he's brilliant at that is amazing
amazing me he's gonna you know he's he's
advised people in the White House he's
done all sorts he's just bum a lot the
guys absolutely legend and he's had
become a really good friend of mine and
and he was saying to me you know I
remember it was on the lines of like I
remember when you said pedal stall
people like that look big and famous and
he became himself but in the end they're
just flipping normal people and what
people don't understand is that you know
they want to laugh you know they want to
get on you know they don't to be used
and and and there's a lot of truth in
that and there and there's a lot of
people do assume they also die they
connected that way back I used to give
him a lot of my time for free and in the
end I ended up blocking him and this is
where you learn about time for money and
it wasn't yeah it was like you every
every conversation about a heart I've
tough your love to have your lives love
to out Matt me yeah I'd live in a
flipping shed and have my son healthy
you won't want my life trust me it's not
great but you know it's not as great as
you think it is you know and and it was
just constant constant constant constant
like you know like MV and it wasn't the
nice he wasn't moving forward is that I
want to get 200 houses within two years
and he was like really unrealistic yeah
all right 10x it I you know go for it
you know I hate that comment that word
clinics it got you know I love what
Grant Cardone is about I just hate the
10x it that side of it not because I
don't believe in it I believe in it
it's just that I see if thrown around
too freely now and and like by people
that could potentially really screw
their lives over if they do try to 10x
it you know and where they feel that you
know they've been inspired and they can
just rush ahead you've got to get the
education in I don't care what you know
you got to build the foundations he's
got to build the foundations and and
then and then to exit first you know and
then check out what you know check out a
flavor for it and then check out what X
might be you know I don't like the 2x
you know I'm not doing us a great point
I think we're in the
society obviously with the whole
Instagram highlight reels and nobody's
really posting stuff that is like their
bad days of supposed and I supposed
indirectly I don't know how but when I
was getting a bit of traction in like
the property groups it was because I was
just Oakley admit all my mistakes up
something I was just documenting again
like listen I am probably the worst guy
a property talking three years ago I was
a look I made this mistake I've made
this and people resonated with that so
indirectly actually helped 9% of the
time it is lychee everyone showing their
best date on a highlight reel and I
think we get that thing and then people
read the secret and it's all this
wishful thinking and it's like listen it
is goes back to what you said earlier do
it do it you've just got to face it and
do it just exactly I mean madness you're
spot on and the crazy thing is is that
I've been exactly the same I've done
podcasts and I've been honest just
straight on you know I'll straight up
with out loud you didn't want to hear it
we didn't want to hear it I'm like you
know and and cut long story short the
the realities that they won't value in
my time but I wasn't violent valuing it
I can't blame them it's actually
something that I get a trouble from from
my wife so I'm always trying to help as
many people as I can so I'm always
having these one-hour coffees that going
to like one and a half hours or
conversation 15 minutes or less yeah and
then at the end of its like I've got no
time to spend with my wife for example
yeah because I'm just trying to help but
then most of those people they'll come
back with pretty much the same kind of
questions or concerns two months later
having done nothing
you're almost yourself and I think I'm
similar to you in that respect which is
there's some great points that you made
days that I need to start my new my time
a little bit there yeah not so much I
know I need to charge for example it's
on the faith basis that is this person
really going to do it and what I've
started doing as of the last two days is
taking calls on the way to the gym so
I'm like you've got ten minutes with me
far away I'll kind of give you
everything I've got I know it's working
okay because it kills that time to the
gym so yeah absolutely yeah it's not
eating a weigh-in time that you which is
valuable time is valuable time time I've
said entire book emergency we have you
know in the lane if if if people don't
value your time
mmm bug you you spell as I and why work
with people that don't value you they're
just picking and sponging your brain
because they can't be asked again spend
the money on the courses and the
education and or go through the grit in
the action that you've gone through in
the pain that you've gone through they
just want to just you know squeeze your
sponge brain and get all the bloody Evo
out you know those people it doesn't
make us a you know this is not a you
know I'm holy than now I'm perfect I I
know my share you know this has just
just been honest with the situation you
know so I absolutely love helping people
I really do it's just some people just
don't value your time enough so okay
we're gonna change gears a little bit
we've spoken about adversity which is
one of the main drivers like in your
life and I don't wish it on anyone to go
through the same kind of stuff but we
all go through something what I would
ask you though is a different question
is about fear so it's probably a common
question but I want to know what is your
biggest fear but I want to stop and take
away what I think he's gonna be your
first answer from doing some Daryl Brown
tactics here so you can't mention your
your children or your wife in this
scenario but what is your biggest fear
as as yourself my biggest fear for
myself is not accomplishing my dreams
okay and my dreams are actually yes they
are to be able to get enough money to
afford certain things from my family and
I'm not supposed to mention them but my
actual my dreams are to actually be
successful and proud enough to know that
you know that boy in school that was at
loss was crap had to have extra
education was themed
you know classes dyslexic really smashed
it regardless he's not I mean and and so
you know for me to start that would
really be probably my biggest fear stop
him from for me I really I really want
to get aspire to inspire is what I want
to do right and the way you inspire is
by doing great things and and those
great things could be I give a lot to
charity myself I donated just over four
thousand
pounds Christmas do recently you know
and and before that I've donated loads
and even my book my little spot and that
I've written for my son all the all the
money from that including the cost of
making it which most people don't do
they has gone to different charities you
know everything wasn't a lot you know
because these costs of these profits
carry yeah yeah and even before that
even you know I've just constantly you
know every year given in some form to
charity and the point is this like it's
not because I'm you know I want to be
seen as you know are what passive and uh
and people that know with me will know
this is true so I could be a property
meet in and we're walking up the road
for me laughter and I'll just give
twenty pounds of baby homeless man I
don't record it I don't you know but
people that would mean no it yeah I
don't do it for you know I know in
London wherever I am if I see someone
I'll donate and you know and I don't
care if they're they look like they're
druggies well it's not at the end of the
day I because I'm not gonna judge you
know they can do what the hell they want
with it
you know I want to give if I've got it
you know and if it helps them it helps
them I just get I don't need to promote
it or anything that but the reality is
although ironically there's a promote in
this podcast estrangement but honest is
like where we're and it's just merely
answering your question you know my goal
is to aspire to inspire to inspire and
if I can do that for my kids and other
people and great you know and and if it
means like you know giving when you
haven't even got it and I've done that
and and you know it's like then you know
you do you leaving some sort of trail of
legacy wait wait people might not
remember me you know but you know
someone might you know yeah I don't know
but at the end of the day it's strange I
haven't made haven't made it in in my
mind a successful property developer or
marketing agency in my mind I've got a
long way to go but I'll also at the same
time I don't want to have a lot you know
I want to be comfortable I don't want to
have like the two hundred thousand
living rooms and what
acquiring to do well you know I really
don't I don't envy people like that when
I see people doing well I'm like good on
you I'm yeah I really I never had the
jealous I never I just truly think good
on you the ones I don't like are the
ones that do it and they're they're
horrible assholes you know I mean these
people win don't they yeah yeah okay
fantastic no I know that that makes
sense I think I'm very similar as well
in relation to what you saying there and
just on that analogy song I've had going
off on a bit of a tangent here people
who are quite charitable but they'll
never give to somebody who maybe they
assume is gonna have alcohol and drugs
or something and my philosophy has
always been I mean growing up and the
way my mom's always talking is just give
whatever you can give but and the base
is that maybe maybe your donation that
they will just change that person's
perspective or life and providing you're
not just throwing it at home and maybe
you can just give it a try contact will
have a good day or something so I just
give him that lift that they need all
just to keep him going for another day
so I'd always urge people whatever you
can give this absolutely give but yeah I
can't imagine you being somebody's gonna
be taking a selfie while you're doing
that I mean and the truth is I should be
you know utilizing it for you know but
at the same time it's it's not it
doesn't sit right
you know it doesn't sit right so you've
heard the buzzer it's going off so what
I'm gonna do now is but Mike with three
spaces for the next 60 seconds and he's
all I do basically whatever the first
answer comes into your head please give
me that one and you ready mate I'm cool
I'm ready okay we're gonna start in
three two one
okay the ability to fly or be invisible
fly money or fame fame singing or
dancing singing Netflix our YouTube
YouTube Marvel or DC are Marvel easily
would you rather know how you were dying
or when you would i how love or money
love books or movies i love books
actually if you could sit with one
person in the world for an hour who
would it be I would love to sit with
Donald Trump to figure out why the hell
looking weird and
go ahead going on I just I'm just
perplexed and also kind of yeah it's a
weird one
that we interested yeah you're worse be
a growing up fighters actually okay and
finally what is your biggest addiction
my biggest might what was my biggest
addiction was slight wrinkles and yeah
wrinkles my biggest addiction at the
moment is learning junkie for learning
and just some Pringles because I'm a
Pringles fun as well what's your
favorite cocktail sorry I don't get me
thinking the next one's on reflection
yeah we've spoken about this earlier
we've spoken about hindsight being a
wonderful thing how you can teach you to
get to where you are quicker easier or
with less heartache for example but
knowing what you know now and with your
life experiences and obviously your
mindset now if you could go back to a
time maybe when you were younger maybe
going through college or school and you
can just whisper something in your ear
knowing how life would pan out for you
and just to kind of maybe motivate or
inspire that young Michael what would
you say I would say you're able to do
anything you put your mind to because I
really believe growing up because I was
told it you know my teacher I didn't
have a good attention span and my
teacher must teacher said to me oh
you're gonna end up as a glassblower she
was old fashioned herself and most
people didn't really kind of connect
with her if I'm being honest with you
but that really thought I thought what
the hell you know kind of thing to say
that just because I you know and I
wasn't interested in her lessons I just
would and again it goes down to what we
read in property marketing people could
be connected you know whatever you do in
it's about attention and connection
right you've got to get the attention to
be noticed and you've got to connect so
if you're going to get an investor to
come to you you've got to get the
attention you've got to do that one way
or another and then you've got to
connect and you can only connect by
being you because long term wise you
know it's a marriage you know it's
simply that absolutely and it's the
easiest thing to do be yourself rather
than trying be someone else off man do
not have some music but I see people my
god and I just cringe and I know that it
makes me cringe
I see people they've been I
I won't even touch into it too much but
there's people that mean there's a
particular person that's training the
same people when they're like they're
following the same moves and everything
in their acting the same as this person
exactly in every way and it's a it's
squiggly it's creepy and windy it is and
the problem with it is as well if you're
copying somebody else you're almost
relying on them to do something you know
the few to follow see as a policy if you
just make your own journey and write
your own story I've got one thing where
I've got respect for these people that's
all for helping them is they've already
taken a step at least they're getting
themselves out of the shell and they do
something but but seeing exact copies
it's just yourself yourself it's like
have you ever seen those live videos
when they're sat there quietly for like
flipping five minutes I'm like I don't
like it I just it's just great I'm like
I just talk shit for a bit I say to
people okay just talk shit wait to
people come on
[Music]
and that's not always like to ask my
guess is if in 150 years time and you
are no longer here but all that exists
is a book and it's about your life and
somebody's walking past and they pick up
this book what would the blurb say and
also what would be the title of the book
well already written it it's called my
little spot on the globe
it says embrace your struggle to find
your strength and pretty much what we
talked about today and and I it has a
sub heading saying unleash your lip in a
spa and because we've all gotten in this
part and and what I mean by that it's
not a judgment thing on Spartans and
while it's just the fact that you know
against the odds it's a metaphor
it's against the odds they know they're
gonna die but they're fighting all they
can yeah and that's the point at the end
of the day we're all gonna freakin die
but let's just see what we can do you
know that's all we can do but you know
you know the end of a that's why I don't
mind helping people as much as I can
because that you know any bit of help
you get out there is what
nice absolutely Granta our future looks
already out yes my little spy Amazon
yeah best seller international
bestseller there you go is it oh wow
yeah i 100% put that in the bottom of
and the show notes as well alright it's
actually the first time somebody's
already answered my question and done my
question but what I always like to ask
people is there is somewhere they can
contact you now I know you're doing
amazing things all over the world in
networking marketing property you're an
author as well there's one place and I'm
just gonna limit it to one but I will
obviously add everything else afterwards
what is the number one place that you'd
prefer base for Facebook Facebook I'm 5m
I'm maxed out sorry guys so just listen
I've got another group page good Michael
V Calais Paris just a baby bear I'd be
there and start using it more now
because I'm that's my that's my own
that's my professional page so just want
them on to Michael V or try and message
me on on on my one at least and I'm not
try and connect and brilliantly it's
been a absolute pleasure like I said at
the beginning I reached out to you long
time we don't know yeah I love your
story you know that this is fascinating
promise there's live calls on them you
all get busy I haven't managed to
reconnect there so and thank you for
your time today you've been doing
awesome things as well okay it's good to
see and again like you know we reach out
to people that we connect with and like
and so on and you know obviously
responded back to you because I know
like and trust okay you know it works
the same way you know yeah that's how I
see it and and that's how that's how
relationships grow that's how investors
get involved that's how all this stuff
happens you know it's it's all about
that you know so absolutely absolutely
spinning it's been an absolute pleasure
and well as well thanks for listening
and remember this podcast is absolutely
free so all we ask in return is for you
to share this with a friend and drop us
a 5 star review over on iTunes have an
awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode #10 - Building a business with your loved one - Manny & Ras
Tagline: Good things happen to good people - A story by the Co-Founders of Build My Gift, Manny & Ras
https://www.arendeu/podcast
Driven by a passion for business and making a difference in the gifting world, husband and wife co-founders Manny & Ras launched Build My Gift in 2017. Within this time they have been featured in Glamour, Bazaar, This Morning, GQ, Forbes, Metro, Brides and now Find Your Voice!
In this episode we get a behind the scenes understanding of what it truly takes to build a business from scratch and hear about a few obstacles they have faced on the way.
A raw and honest interview showcasing the highs and lows, which truly gives us all a great insight into the wonderful minds behind this key concept but also about what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur.
Now with over 500 products, and an everlasting increasing product portfolio, they have mastered the art of controlling overwhelm with their intuitive website helping you make decisions to suit your loved ones.
As the brand continues to grow and more wonderful memories continue to get shared with the Build My Gift experience, I urge to you follow their journey below.
Plus with mothers day around the corner and many birthdays, weddings, celebrations and opportunities to just do something nice for someone, Build My Gift is the perfect place for you to get started.
- The founders have offered 10% off to all listeners if you simply enter the following code at the checkout: findyourvoice
So what are you waiting for?
https://www.buildmygift.com/
Follow it below:
Thanks for listening
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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Links to guest:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/buildmygift/
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/buildmygift?lang=en
Website: https://www.buildmygift.com/
Don't forget the discount code! findyourvoice
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
Transcripts
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so I'm extremely
excited today because it's a milestone
for me it's my first ever power couple
and the beautiful thing about this pile
couple is not only are they business
partners who have started this
incredible business from scratch
they're also married as well so it's
gonna be interesting to kind of
understand the dynamics of what what
it's like to obviously start your own
business but to working with your other
half so I'm extremely excited to get
this going there are very very dear
friends of mine so for that reason it
was a no brainer to bring them on the
show and more importantly I've actually
used their service I think it's about
five times now and I hope I've passed it
over to my mom and I've also passed it
over to my brother-in-law as well so
it's something that I highly highly
highly recommend and in relation to
their service it launched in 2017 you've
probably heard the name I mean they have
been featured on television and in some
major pop up stores but I'm gonna leave
them to tell us all about that so
without further ado let's get this
interview on the way okay brilliant
okay so I am sitting here today with two
of my good friends and this interview is
really exciting for me because it's the
first time I'm actually interviewing two
people at once now the exciting thing
about this interview is that this is a
power couple this is about
entrepreneurship and it's also about
business but another exciting thing to
add to that is they're also a married
couple so it's gonna be really
interesting to see how this plays out
and so I'd like to start by welcoming
Russ and money to the show
how're you guys doing today yeah good
thank you
thanks for having us you're very welcome
very welcome thank you for coming down
so I think it's really important
obviously for the listeners of the show
to kind of get an insight in relation
about you guys so we'll go with ladies
first rise if you could just tell us a
little bit about yourself and then after
that if money you want to talk about
yourself as well okay so I am co-founder
of my gift and so we launched but my
gift in 2017 but prior to that my
background is working within HR so I
worked in London for several years for a
luxury goods firm and then I moved up
north and worked for the BBC as well
Oh brilliant I'm you new University yeah
so I I studied sociology at University
that was my BA I then went on to do my
masters in education policy at King's
College and then I did a second master's
in human resource management as well
fantastic yeah money about yourself yes
so I went to university Aston University
where as well we met yeah yeah feels
like a long time ago and then graduated
in 2010 and wasn't sure what path I
wanted to take and my family was
involved in family businesses and things
I've always been involved in that so I
naturally took that path I felt like it
was the right thing to do and I've been
involved in that ever since I'm still
involved in that heavily and me and Ross
have known each other over eight years
now we got married in 2015 and yeah we
decided to take this chance with Bill my
gift in 2017 and we haven't looked back
really okay thank plastic so it's
interesting that obviously Rhys you know
just collecting masters which isn't
really directly I suppose linked to kind
of entrepreneurship and business what
made you go into that was that kind of
Manny's influence because obviously he's
family into business before or was it
something that you've always wanted to
do it isn't really at all I think
working within HR that's something that
I was really passionate about and I
really did enjoy it was just really the
we stumbled across an idea that we
thought there was a gap in the market we
mulled over it for you know sever
months and then we decided to take the
plunge and I suppose with his
entrepreneurial background we kind of
thought okay well we do have some
experience and some skills to bring
forward and we can kind of merge the two
obviously with me working with within
the luxury goods sector as well we could
kind of bring those together combined to
not block my gift brilliant okay so how
did the build my gift idea come about
then so advisers just touched on you
look at your skills and what you can
both bring to the table how did this
concept come about because I want the
listeners to understand this I have used
this so it's not something that I'm just
saying yes oh good yeah gift it makes my
life so much easier yeah because when it
comes to giving gifts for loved ones and
stuff it's literally if it's for you for
your parents or you you're at the heart
and go and they just let all these
amazing wonderful things but again I'll
let you guys go into that yeah so how
did the idea come about I think that my
cousin actually was in hospice talk this
is going back at the beginning of the
year we launched and and we were mulling
over you know what's what's a good gift
to give her you know flowers and things
and so standard these days and the same
old thing and a lot of hospitals
actually don't even allow him and we
were thinking and rats was thinking you
know wouldn't it be nice if I could just
get a few things from different places
and put a gift together and build a nice
box for her and but it would just take
me forever and I was like that'll take
you for a ages and hey who's got time to
shop around and to do the research to
find a box to wrap it up make it look
nice and then send it that's it there's
so much effort and time and maybe you
will get the odd person who's willing to
do that but 99% of people think you know
that's a bit much and then we said you
know there's nothing out there that's
like that there's nothing out there that
actually fits that kind of gap in the
market that we're thinking and then we
modeled it over B research and research
and research you know it's important to
do that and we've thought it over and we
you know the name was important and the
website and everything and so yeah
that's how it really came about that's
interesting so that's your story behind
it there I never actually knew that one
yeah one of the reasons I support is
because I always support my friends and
family's businesses as I always advocate
people should do and it is a fantastic
thing like I've used it once also this
is so easy this year
and then why did is a Tamil mom to do
yeah so I'm trying to spread the weight
but I think that story's really
important as well
yeah because I'm pretty certain there's
there's listeners out there who have got
that same predicament whether it's
somebody in hospital or whether it's
just that special occasion or something
and you guys I mean through your website
and stuff you just make life so much
easier it's trying to bring people
together make relationships stronger
basically that's what you know the
premise of the business that's what it's
all about the foundation I've built my
gift it's trying to keep people
connected and we've got orders coming in
from you know Australia to be delivered
in London from the UK to be delivered in
New York so it really is connecting
people all around the world yeah because
I think a big part of us as a couple and
maybe you know our culture in general is
relationships meet you know should be
strong Kingdom strong and and I always
believe that you know you might not
always see each other but if you message
each other or send a gift you know
something between you have relationship
is so strong and that's the whole
premise like Russ said about don't my
gift it's all about letting that person
know you thinking about them and you
know we make it easy you know it's it's
I don't want to obviously boast about is
that it wouldn't make it so easy and and
you know it's literally three steps and
it's done so so he was the brains behind
was it I would say Russ to be honest I
haven't heart you know Russ is
definitely more creative yeah she she
has been the forefront of the business
and I still divide my time between this
business and my family business okay
which it means sometimes you know my
brain is a bit it's hard to juggle the
tooth and whatnot but rath definitely is
someone who knows what she's doing when
it comes to business yeah fantastic okay
so what I want to know then so I like to
understand the life of an entrepreneur
and successful people and like their
daily habits because I'm just I'm just
intrigued by that because I think as a
listen if there's somebody out there who
wants to perhaps become an entrepreneur
do something out of the norm I think
habits and discipline is really
important at least for myself so what's
a day
in BMG no my gift for you both from the
moment you wake up oh there's no another
thing any entrepreneur will say there's
no day is the same really and it could
be kind of you know one of our peak
occasions so Christmas Valentine's
Mother's Day and all we'll be doing is
orders preparation of orders to get
those out you know there might be other
things such as top management we may be
out and we may have a day full of
meetings so business development you
know networking opportunities it really
really does vary day to day to be honest
in value and you split your time are you
doing two separate things or are you
kind of working together on those tasks
that you mentioned that we do work
together so if we if we have you know
focusing on business development for a
day we'll always try and set aside at
least a day a week or a day fortnight
where we are going to take you know take
time out of the business to go out and
about and meet people say potential
customers potential corporate clients
things like that really and also
potential suppliers too but again you
know if it's orders we take time when we
work together to ensure that those
orders are fulfilled and we get those
out then time what we tend to do is the
night before every single night before
the next day we'll make a list pretty of
what we're going to do the next day Russ
is kind of the king the king of about
jobs and I'd like to do that I think we
beat one thing that's very similar about
us is we'd like to take off listen we
like to cross things off you know the
longer the list the more you think that
morning actually this is what we've got
head this day organized
you know if it's a meeting that day we
will be you know make sure that we take
a laptop and that we if we're going on a
train we go Wi-Fi and we're still
emailing constantly got to be you've got
to be available for customers for
suppliers for potential clients as well
corporate clients are always on the go
you know we're always available on the
phone or an email as well whether you
know we're gonna meet teens or whatnot
for their yeah I think that's a really
important point because that rise
touched on being an entrepreneur
nowadays the same mm-my probably worst
trait is that I find myself firefight in
every day so the day kind of dictates me
hmm it doesn't happen all the time when
I'm disciplined and I've got my routine
I kind of do what you guys do I'm in
full flow and I enjoy it so that's
something I'd recommend to listeners
just plan your day before because what
happens is you wake up you pick up your
phone you look at your Facebook and your
emails and all of a sudden you're
responding to the world as opposed to do
what you need to do in order to move
forward so that's really interesting
just on that then so I know this I know
the answer but just for the listeners
could you just then maybe tell us some
of the clients that you work with
because I've seen some big names and
you've done some amazing things and
we're really fortunate and lucky to be
working with some great corporate
clients out there at the moment and more
recently we've just secured an
opportunity with Adobe so one of the
biggest tech firms in the world really
so we're really excited at the
opportunity to be working for them
another kind of couple of clients we've
got a courier and logistics firm that we
work with so and BJ's home delivery we
work with a local business in Cheshire
we're web-based to flow create and we
are also working with the Dorchester
Hotel in London - wow that's fantastic
and you've also been in shops as well
yeah so we did a pop-up store over
Christmas in Topshop and Oxford High
Street I can ask that yeah holidays and
I mean it was a it was a massive massive
thing for us you know it was the
flagship store and we couldn't have been
in a more centralized position in the
whole world essentially comes to look
great
as far dessert and we were you know we
were stretched I'm be honest respectin
and a whole operation to London but it
was it was a massive thing so it's a
huge kudos to a company to be there
absolutely yeah and you just said you a
firefighter I suppose sometimes that's
how you learn yeah and obviously next
time you're better equipped yeah I'm
your person no that's fantastic
okay so we've touched on just a couple
of ups and downs there as with an
entrepreneur it's a life of ups and
downs for anyone that tells you
different they're lying at least that's
my opinion yeah definitely yeah what's
been the main obstacle and since
starting your journey in build my gift
and how did you overcome this well last
year we featured for the first time on
TV this morning which is a massive thing
but you don't realize how much different
it actually happens to you when it
happened we were like okay this is big
yeah you know are we you use this and
lytx tool that tells you how many
visitors you have on the site and and
you were used to usually seeing maybe
double figures maximum is going to
triple figures and I was flying this
flying this is at one time you know
visitors to the site at a time and it
was flying to the extent where the site
crashed and you know okay that's one
thing but a number of orders came in not
hundreds of orders that come in and we
were like okay this is amazing you know
we made it this is amazing but then you
suddenly realize well we've got to
fulfill these orders and Mother's Day is
around the corner Mother's Day I think
they add right on the Wednesday and
Mother's Day was on the Sunday bearing
in mind Saturday delivery isn't really
an option
mm-hmm unless people have paid extra I
was eating into your you know you would
give profits really so you know
operationalize it was a very big
challenge you know at the time that was
just the two of us we had family support
but you know family will always support
you but they'll never know the business
like you do boss of course um so yeah
although it was an obstacle I think it
was a great opportunity as well but a
really good learning curve I didn't
anticipate the demand and it was it was
great you can never know that demand
you know anyone unless they've been in
that world that before they will never
know of course what will happen and our
business although it's make it simple
it's easy we put a lot of effort into
each gift we want it to look nice we
want it to be special when that person
opens it so you know when you've got
hundreds of orders to do it's difficult
to achieve
you know you've got to find a balance
basically and it was I mean we we did it
up until about 5:00 a.m. that my two
hours and we're up at 7:00 a.m. you
gotta work with over there yeah yeah you
know recommendation and loyalty and
reviews of massive businesses like any
e-commerce business and and for us you
know you've got to make sure you do it
right
fantastic and I can't promise you the
same recognition as this morning from
this podcast just to get at least five
six whatever it is because I'm very
confident that whoever does buy
something from yourselves similar to
myself don't be a repeat customer yeah I
mean when I signed six months ago
done it like three or four times yeah
and it like I said it's so much easier
than googling around and then trying to
fit something from Amazon there's
something from eBay or whatever it is
so yeah you know I would say you know at
least one in ten customers is a repeat
guys taking time to really make sure
that you think about how you present it
because it's presented a nice and
definitely all packaged in there
everything yes I'm fantastic good stuff
okay so what's the best thing about
owning your own business I think the
flexibility to make decisions your way
ultimately if you're employed by
somebody else you have a manager who you
need to maybe cross-reference something
with and the final decision on certain
certain matters will be made by their
more people more senior to you and so
really all of the decisions in our
business are made by us so having that
freedom to do that really it's quite
nice would you agree money I think yeah
definitely I think another thing that I
love about this business is the fact
that you meet new people you know you're
meeting people you're growing your
network
before we started this journey I do feel
as that as much as you know people
you're very close as a person you you
only want to know people who you kind of
bump into already in life and whatnot
you're not going you're not putting
yourself out there you're not really you
know attending events and parties that
we are now you know you don't know
you're not really experiencing that side
of life and then now we do we put
ourselves out there we attend award
shows we attend networking events we
attend meeting after meeting with
massive corporate people who we never
would have met before and you know I
sometimes that can pitch myself and
think well you know we're just in the
Dorchester Hotel absolutely meeting you
know they're client services director
and when when would we ever I was just
talking to her about cricket you know it
kind of opens a whole new world for you
and which is only become possible
because of this business and the hard
work you guys have wait that's right
yeah and the worst thing about owning
your own business so you're not going to
know everything about running the
business I suppose and it's always going
to be bookkeeping that's the worst thing
you know paperwork and the admin side of
things and that can be quite heavy and
you want to be focused on doing all the
creative fun elements of the business
but you also have to keep those gaps you
do the basics as well
I can't think actually what what else
would I would say sometimes I do think
that you know with us being married mmm
the business has taken over a lot of our
conversation a lot of recipes you know
pressing and everything in our lives
because it's just that it's a massive
part of us sometimes I don't know Russ
sometimes feels this as well as that you
know has it almost become as if you know
our business has become us and we've
lost each you know as a couple who we
work for that it kind of it's hard to
remember a time before the business
although we haven't you know it's only
been two years or so but it's hard to
remember a time when it was just me and
her and I understand that yeah I
understand that for a simple fact that
I've obviously try to juggle multiple
businesses myself yeah my wife works
full-time and then she's coming home to
another
for business and literally we don't see
each other as we're in the same house
but and if we do see each other in fact
it's probably from our peripheral vision
because we're like this yeah and I
forward and we're just way it happens
they're working that we're on where they
said that and today actually it's the
first time we're going for a meal and
I'm actually really looking forward to
it because similar to what you just said
there I was like cher like we haven't
spoke about life we're just us or
anything you don't want it you don't
want to forget that yeah and this was up
to you I was gonna ask you guys so I can
imagine it is brilliant because your
best mates you're married and you you're
on this vision and you creating this
amazing business but then you are gonna
have that aspect of the whole you must
do bicker do you have I think you know
as any relationship you will always have
your little bickering moments but I
think when it comes to the business we
always put those aside no matter what
because we share that common goal and
we're so motivated and determined to
make that success so you know we may
have had a small little petty argument
over something but when it comes to the
business we move on I think the business
helps and hinders and those things that
it helps in the sense that and sometimes
library said if you've got it you know
any any couple could sometimes have a
minor minor it should be deter but if
you've got a common goal that common
love which is the business you put
everything aside for the business and
you know you get over something ego
asari quick so listen what moves this
business for exactly exactly and you
gotta think you could have been mature
and you've got to think you know forget
yeah you know forget that my food was
calm and but you know similarly because
we are working together in a business
24/7 you spend so much time with each
other you talk constantly even when
you're not with each other we're texting
about the business or not it can lead to
sometimes you know you know minor
disagreements the wrath sometimes has
her opinion on something sometimes I
have my opinion on how we should do
something and you are gonna have that
kind of election that's inevitable I
know two people who work in a business
who aren't married are gonna have that
same issues absolutely absolutely so
yeah yeah
you know each of this opinion and
actually then finding a middle ground
but the fact that we're married allows
us to kind of be honest you know if
you're if you're doing if you're running
a business with somebody that you don't
know so well or as a friend
it's can be awkward how about you sage
have that conversation or be honest as
they'd like I don't like your idea you
know I don't think you do the right
thing here but with me and Rass you know
we've known each other for so long voice
of course you can be so honest I'll say
exactly - yeah and that she dances ah
that's good but you know that you you
know you have that kind of love for that
person that you accept what they say
sometimes you know you might take a bit
but then it's fine because you're
married in this you know it's this no
more so and at the end of the day and
the key thing is you both want each
other to win that's right and you both
want to win and I I did that sigh you
know I've had to put my ego aside and
stuff as occurs sometimes you wanna win
the argument and I was immature back in
the down I was always trying to win the
argument where is now it's like if I win
the argument and upset my wife then who
really wins here like anything we both
release so now it's like actually I want
that person to win so let's just look at
it rationally hmm and then what muses
Falls so yeah exactly exactly a nothing
very mature yeah yeah I love it
okay so one piece of advice that you
could give to somebody now who's maybe
thinking you know I'm in a nine-to-five
similar to how you guys could have been
denied two fives coming out of
university raspberry they're ten masters
so you think in I'm gonna just jump into
a job what advice would you give them
just one piece of advice in terms of
going into entrepreneurship I would say
make sure you know exactly your industry
that you're going into research your lot
yeah your market your competitors what
you're offering you know make sure it's
it's something that you know that
industry inside out because if you take
a risk and you go for something like
that and you know you kind of fall short
a little bit you know your first
impressions everything to people if you
don't get your website up to scratch and
if it is an e-commerce business for
example or if you don't know what you're
doing is in meetings and things and you
kind of you leave a lasting impression
your first impression is important he'll
be spend a lot of time perfecting our
process our offering as a product the
brands that we work with and the website
tweaking and tweaking we delayed our
launch and we delayed and delay the
people who like what you're doing you're
gonna miss Christmas you know what
you're doing and but we were like it's
important that the website is top-notch
because if it's not people will remember
and then work on that of course you've
got premium products yeah exactly yeah I
mean our business is all about you know
premium and while known brands and if
you want to work alongside those brands
and you want to come across like that
you need to make sure there is no
amateur and nothing is along the chain
because that's your market audience yes
I would say that personally mm-hmm
ya know 100 percent I mean although we
had the initial concept I'd say at the
start of 2017
it was researching that and then you
know going into launch so it was a lot
of back-and-forth a lot of perfecting
and getting things right and we didn't
get it perfect even then you know and
yes you may launch a business and thing
actually yes this is great but it's
taking on board feedback from customers
from the people around you your network
and and continuously improving on that
as well I agree I love the word perfect
exists in terms of like business or no I
ever you do because there's always
something and we are our own biggest
critics as well ya know something and
what we always try and do is the best
that we can do in that moment
ya know in hindsight we let this history
you know I lost can't be my time that I
said oh I wish I'd said that yeah sure
than that and we even on the way here
said let's make a few notes because I
don't want to leave this podcast and
think oh you know what I could have
given this advice I think you won't
forget happens in the time you have
forget to ask you something yeah but is
what it is but hopefully after this
you'll get people reaching out to you
guys
sliding into DMS and then more
importantly easing bill my gift so yeah
definitely you'll be fine okay so what's
your motivation then moving forward now
to the end of this year what one thing
would you like to happen
they really grow the corporate side of
the business and when we first launched
bill my gifts it was focused on the BTC
market and that's the online platform
that we had but you know BTC for the
listeners join expand on that sorry yes
mr. consumer market side of the business
so and we had the online platform of
course but for us you know we really do
see there is potential and opportunity
for the corporate side of our business
and to continue growing and building on
that is really really important for us I
think oh yeah yeah definitely I think we
see a lot of potential with corporate
and weddings I don't know if you've
noticed we've started working with more
and more businesses like you said and
and wedding planners and things like
that and when we first launched the
business we didn't have any idea about
this thing you know we we felt like it
was an opportunity said we needed a gift
that we wanted to give someone and we
just thought I wouldn't be nice for an
everyday person to have to access this
and no idea that you know this this kind
of a kind of model would work for
businesses it would work for events and
work for wedding for couples all sorts
of things and as you go along you learn
more and more and we've really grown
that side of the business especially
back end of last year and the beginning
of this year I mean we've really pushed
on and I know twelve months from now
we'll be like well last year we really
yeah and you're probably over another
opportunity were you thinking yeah we
never thought this exactly yeah and
that's the beautiful thing
yes games and and it gives you it gives
you a lot of hope and it gives you a lot
of confidence that yeah you know this
business model has a lot of avenues to
pursue and you know we're not done yeah
absolutely just to start yeah exactly
fantastic okay
okay fantastic so you've heard the
buzzer go off now so now we're at the
fun part of the show and again I've
never done this before with two
different people so I'm gonna do is I'm
gonna put rather money through their
paces for 60 seconds asking them the
most random questions okay and in true
family fortune style you can't repeat
the same answer advice okay money yep
cool I'm gonna start with you Reza
we're gonna go in three two one romance
or comedy romance comedy Italian or
Chinese Italian I hate Chinese
favourite place you've been together
rube oh yeah
cinema or bowling both the ability to
fly or be invisible invisible be
invisible
what is your partner's best trait I love
no he's really good-hearted I think
thinks about everybody a little bit when
you're fame fame has never interested me
guess money no money what is your
biggest addiction success that Pixar
YouTube Netflix Snickers or Mars
neither favorite TV show there's a show
that Love Actually is so it's actually
really rubbish but I love it it's called
Peep Show
Ecore languages will be able to speak to
animals speak all languages episode your
biggest fear failure your biggest
inspiration I always am massively
inspired I think we both are by you know
to name an entrepreneur expose you so
there's a stationary brand Swedish
Swedish station on Van kekeke a said the
owner of that I think she's massively
inspirational we've been listening to
her podcast as well
you should get yourself on there as well
absolutely and your favorite BMG gift I
personally like the kind of the cocktail
sets okay yeah I think they look really
nice and they're quite cool for anyone
who's into you know hosting parties and
things like that could be yours
bottle of champagne nice and if you can
sit with one person in the world for an
hour who would it be
Michelle Obama Will Smith would you
rather know how you would die or when
you will die when if you could abolish
one thing in the world what would it be
greed I think and kind of selfishness
expectation what is your favorite song
ever Beyonce and jay-z crazy alone oh
yeah so one song naturally yeah I listen
to for motivation miscible random it's
57th from his film get rich or die
trying' I just think it's very
motivational
is it the gym that I use it I get
generally if you're feeling a bit it's
lumpy that day I guess you guys lumpy
yeah finally
would you rather read minds or predict
the future and yeah read more deep voice
yeah okay brilliant how'd you find out
kind of questions that you you think oh
I know then I would know it it comes
down to it absolutely so you mentioned
briefly in these questions that we just
had the cocktail set could you elaborate
maybe on your sets or the kind of gifts
that people could go onto your website
find and then give to their loved ones
yeah so I am I suppose it's really for
any occasions and whether it's a
birthday gave to get well soon gift and
you home gift and you baby gift maybe
the list goes on so any occasion we've
pretty much got it covered and at the
moment we have more than 500 products
that you can go on and select and build
her own gifts we also have a prebuilt
gift section so if you want it to be
even more easier than it already is you
can literally select one of our
pre-built gifts and check out fantastic
anything time I mean yeah I mean like I
said we've got massive array of products
but we're always looking to expand we're
always looking to you know what's one
trend what's cool what can fit for
different types of people for different
types of budget for different types of
occasions and you know that's that's the
beauty of Bill my gift there's this very
rare that you can find everything all in
one place and um you know you you could
shop for your mom's 50th but at the same
time you're
neighbors had a new baby then you can
buy the both gifts at the same time all
in the same place but then within five
minutes you know and it's really simple
we've got a massive range of products
that help stores every occasion so yeah
I mean like russ explained I think
that's I think that's everything yeah
there you go so it's like kind of like a
one-stop shop one-stop shop yeah I just
want to touch on something that you
mentioned there is all you've got 500
products and you're also open
potentially to other products as well
yes and we're always growing our product
portfolio always looking to take on new
brands again as we've been to 2019 we've
you know been in touch with several new
brands and we're going to be taking them
on board and introducing them to the
sites they're always open to new
fantastic so if anyone's out there with
a product or something as well maybe get
in touch with it's definitely definitely
we always were always approached by by
you know companies as members who have
products and we are very open and we're
not dismissive we will always at least
give it a chance to look at it and read
up on it and if we fill is something
that adds value to our business and to
our you know offering as a gift box then
definitely we'll look into it really
yeah like Russ said we've taken on I
think two or three new brands in 2019
it's all about staying fresh and yeah
absolutely yeah no no it's really
inspiring and just all concept obvi I
mean we started the interview and you
spoke initially about the story behind
it and how you were saying how difficult
it's gonna be to get a couple of gifts
together like a hamper set that's right
get it all coordinated here you are now
with 500 products I just find that
really yeah yes very passionately I
think sometimes we're we're so here and
now and we don't think you know the
achievement to get here yeah absolutely
that's my only lunch produced right yeah
because we're always seeking what's next
that's where I forget yet we're always
we're so used to seeing most products
that they're that we don't even think
just look back and think look at all
that how we got I remember your first
snapchat summit yeah yeah yeah you guys
yeah you know at the beginning of my
remember what we what was our first I
think we used to have supplies that now
why why did we even have those things at
least that got us through the door you
know and we're lucky I mean I'm very
lucky that I you know through our family
businesses I've connection for some
wholesalers who then allowed us the
opportunity to kind of get stock in
Andrus has a connection with luxury
companies and from her previous jobs
which have allowed his connections there
so it is really about making use of your
contacts absolutely and then growing
your network in absolutely ivory your
net worth is based on your network
that's right and sometimes we fail to
actually tap into our own network mm-hmm
and even myself so from property
perspective I didn't realize how many
plumbers I knew how many conveyance is
that I knew like brokers all within like
my family it was only when you start
coming out and you saying I'll do this
and then people start reaching out to
you so I'd always implore people like
there to kind of firstly understand your
network and then your networks then work
because that's where the magic is
definitely yeah actually really just
before we get to the final question and
that always I tasked my guess is about
reflection so if you guys could go back
maybe to when you first I'd bill my gift
and that first idea came and you knowing
everything you don't know what one piece
of advice would you whisper in the ears
of yourselves I think be more bold and
just put yourself out there I love that
yeah again like I said you know you go
to events and things in at the beginning
we were maybe bit hesitant engagement of
people and build your network and but we
realized as time goes on that is so
important to do those things and so I
would definitely say that as well yeah
fantastic
brilliant so sadly work the last
question now of the interview so yeah if
Finn hundred fifty years time science
fails to save us and all that's left is
a book and it's about your life and it
explains to your journey a little bit
about you basically your inspiring story
what would the title be and what would
be blown say to make somebody want to
pick it up and read it
so we did give this a little bit thought
and so I think it would be good things
happen to good people
hmm I think I was I would like it to say
I think I've always been somebody who
likes to see the good in everything and
do good by people and so I'd like to be
remembered for that as well love that
okay I'm not gonna put you on the spot
if you both had that together would you
agree is that kind of where you you'd
want to be remember yeah definitely I
think you know there's there's an
entrepreneurship but there's also you
know your life and in life we both try
to be good people we try to do right by
our family and everyone around us and it
is difficult sometimes to balance
everything you know you want to be
selfish sometimes and think about
yourself and think about your business
but you have to think about everything
you know the grand scheme of things
and balance everything and do the right
thing which I think we both do I think
we agree we always think you know other
repercussions to this you know should we
do this should we do that and I think if
in 20 years time 100 years time like and
we used to look back and people would
say you know what they made the right
decision by everybody they didn't just
think about themselves and this door was
successful diversity a lot of stories
they're successful but they've had to
make a lot of enemies along the way you
know they've had to be very selfish and
I'd like to think that we weren't those
people we look good people you are
fantastic so before I close this show
what I want to do is give you an
opportunity to connect with the
listeners of the show and vice versa so
what's the best places that listeners
can reach out to yourselves
is it your personal profiles is it build
my gift yes so I think people can get in
touch with us by visiting the website
there's a contact us form they can reach
out to us by Instagram so it's app build
my gift - mm-hmm and the website is it's
wwl my gift calm dusty yeah we have like
a live chat facility on the website as
well if anyone wants to you know get a
quicker answer I'll be more than likely
to respond quickest on there like Russ
said our Instagram is I'll probably a
bigger social handle yeah we also
respond by our Facebook and Twitter but
in surroundings our biggest thing so if
anyone wants to get in touch this app
bill my gift fantastic and you've also
got all loads of black amazing forwards
instagramers oh yeah I mean everything's
everything you know a to Zed if you want
a quick snapshot on the company just
visit hit our Instagram and you can see
we're very very much a visual company
and Instagram is a big driver for us
yeah fantastic so we're at the end of
the show and this has been it's been
exciting for me it's a it's good to see
you guys I'm very proud of how far you
guys have come thank you in this
business it's it's inspiring hearing
like the ins and outs of it as well I
definitely urge my listeners just check
it out on Instagram go on the website
because you just find that yourself just
adding all these wonderful things which
is lived--and I'm excited now you've got
more products as well so again it's
something that I use I got it I've got
photos of it I've got proof in case oh
yeah this isn't the Hat absolutely yeah
really it's something that I I believe
in if I didn't believe in it I wouldn't
I wouldn't send it out there get
obviously then my reputation is on the
line as are so it's a fantastic thing
thank you guys
once again thank you for having us like
sharing my story about you sharing your
story sorry but hopefully you know your
listeners you know can resonate with
what we've been through and what which
I'm sure they will absolutely because I
think we're all going to be that kind of
thing in there in our daily struggles
and life and stuff and you know
instagrams a different thing because you
only see the highlights that's right
we look to hear you guys kind of just
tell us a little bit about what yeah she
goes on yeah behind closed doors so
thank you once again and forever and a
whole thanks for listening thank you and
remember this podcast is absolutely free
so all we asked in return is for you to
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See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 9 -"We came with a suitcase & a dream" - T
Tagline: "We came with a suitcase & a dream"
Uplifted from Zimbabwe T and his family chased the American Dream for a better future.
T puts this perfectly when he explains the silent example he learnt from his parents to be a driving force in his life - hard work. Coming from extremely humble beginnings T knew his best chance at changing his own future and that of his families would be to work harder than those around him.
Unable to speak english and ridiculed early on by children and undervalued by teachers T began to embrace hard work and the struggle finding true beauty in outworking those around him.
Now a successful social worker, bodybuilder and an all round great guy T's future is brighter than ever as he seeks to help inspire others and teach them to never let anyone elses opinions dictate their ceilings of success and to always embrace hard work.
T also speaks of the oppresive lifestyle he was part of growing up and the struggles of learning a new culture, language and fitting into society. However having studied closely with T for 2 years there are very few more genuine souls I have come across.
I urge you all to support and follow his journey...
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
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Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Snapchat: Catchafreeman
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/passion4lifting/
Transcript:
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show
so today's guest is somebody who I met
about four years ago on my social weight
journey so yes
prior to me starting property business
and coaching I was actually a social
worker for a very very short amount of
time but about two weeks ago t reached
out again and he was commenting on one
of my earlier episodes and how he found
it very inspiring and then he asked if
he could be on the show of course was
the answer but I was intrigued because
knowing T at university during our two
years studying a masters he was always
the one in the class that would make
people smile he was always smiling yet
somewhere deep down I knew there was
some element of struggle some level of
adversity that he had been through but
you could never guess what it was
because like I said he was always the
one that would make all our classmates
smile he was always easy come easy go
he's really getting stressed and he was
just a pleasure to be around
so when he offered to share his story I
was intrigued because I knew there was
gonna be something that was going to be
inspiring and motivating and he didn't
disappoint
this episode was fantastic one because I
got to see my good friend again but two
because I realized how lucky and
fortunate I am and probably many of you
listeners are too so I think it's
important we jump straight into this
episode and listen to what he has to say
and really understand that sometimes the
grass isn't always greener on the other
side
and that we do actually have an
unbelievable amount of things to be
grateful for
okay so I'm sitting here now with my
good friend T so if you could explain
actually firstly how you doing not seem
bad might not see where I'm glad to be
here goodness doesn't he answer that I
completely forgot to ask him how he was
so I think it's important for the
listeners to you understand a little bit
about your journey and how you progress
through life so if you could just start
from I suppose your first memory I kind
of let us know the life of T of Katonah
okay that's all right mrs. IND thinking
me you know I don't usually speak I'm
not so good at speaking but I know the
end of this if I can inspire this one
person great that's my job here done and
I come from very very very humble
beginnings well I say that I'm still I'm
still here humble beginnings now I'm not
made it yet but we are making progress
my parents my mom moved here in 2003
beans involved in bad way yes yes and
you know we came here okay with a
suitcase and a dream it was a case of
the economy was on see a great over
there so before you know I yeah what's
the next big thing and you know this was
this was their two children at the time
and like most people I found out found
out that working hard was the way to
their you know American dream so to
speak yeah yeah anyone can say
absolutely um you know the first lessons
that I want C to share with you guys
some of the islands from a parents
hadn't moved here is that you know
you've gotta work hard you have to work
cuz I grew up in a house where you know
I was watching my parents work day in
day our worst and continue to work hard
day and night to make sure that me and
my sister would not go with the help you
know they were breaking their backs and
freed out I said I had a front row seat
in learning you know a hard work I was
like takes yeah you know start from the
bottom
remember back home there had really
prestigious jobs but the KVN had to
start from the bottom literally start at
the foundation level okay okay so can I
just jump in there so yeah back home you
had prestigious jobs was it still not
enough in order to fulfill the dreams
that they had I'm glad to think that
they probably did it with us in mind
okay because the way that the fins would
go in I reckon if they continued working
things would have been okay for them but
then by the time you came to us growing
up and working things might not be so
good for us you know something they had
us in mind to build our futures because
we were gonna have better opportunities
that make sense here and you know some
people choose that's why you see there's
so many people now I'll try that risking
their lives day in day out trying to get
to the UK or you know these the
different countries in the West cuz
opportunities are there that's been at
home yeah we don't know how lucky we are
sometimes we don't and we take things
for granted even take things for granted
so it's so easy wake up sahaja lotta G
but there's someone diapers opportunity
that we wake up every day as well you
know wake up every day dream someone's
dying for this you know yeah we're more
about our jobs and what we spoke about
is actually yeah and it's that thing of
we take things for granted man you know
anyway I digress
I'm saying I had a front-row seat
watching what it really takes to be able
to drive but you want an understanding
fundamental that in this country you can
give anything you wanted if and only if
you're willing to make the sacrifices
and pull your socks up like I said
people are risking their lives trying to
sneak and use the abundance of
opportunities that were presented with
so the lesson I want to convey to you
guys today is that there's nothing more
powerful than that Silas example and for
me that sounds example was my parents
they never told me that you know when we
came here absolutely this is what
yesterday we were just watching yeah I
just had to watch all thinking okay you
know yeah weekend that is working in my
mom is working you know we're just
watching that work as powerful
there's a quote and I think it says
don't listen to what they say watch what
they do and that's what it is and that's
with anything in mind because you get a
lot of people are just talking the talk
and stuff
sounds great we really if it sounds
before the action yeah it's the action
they can talk it you know gay men but
when it comes to doing it's a different
story and for me from that is where I
learned that parents as parents and my
parents yeah but as parents be afraid to
let your kids watch you fail or watch
you start from the bottom and watch you
sweat cause we taking inspiration comes
every day we learn Oh strong strong work
ethic I think that's I think that's a
powerful lesson because one of them like
I said to a lot of people my superpower
I believe everyone's got a super fine I
use that as an analogy or metaphor is I
just work hard that's it
I don't have anything else good I'm not
naturally more talented at something
else but I will most likely I work most
people because I've seen my mom do it
I've seen her with 90 hours a week when
we were growing up I used to see her
around I'm thinking where's mom
and it should come from breakage that
getting changed into our next - she's
back after work yeah and I'm not talking
about later I'm talking Saturday Sunday
I'm talking in the six weeks holidays I
think that's really important I think we
should set an example of the real life
and not trying to hide things for my
kids that's it in order to try and
protect them because actually you could
actually giving them a good thing
there's no such thing as an overnight
sensation no such being people you have
to work you know some people are lucky
enough to be born in rich families and
whatnot but majority of us we have to
work her way up
mm-hmm and for me I'd like to say that's
probably one of the best solid examples
of my life and that's made me who I am
today because it's me you know yeah I'm
not gonna be product of my circumstances
and I'm gonna be so the master of my
destiny I'm saying that now but back
then it was not like that in the sensor
for example you know when I first came
here I came when I was about 10 years
old started in year six I'm going to
school not knowing English that well
because English is the second language
okay but we do not have to speak it at
much because we don't need sing of
course you know we just have good lesson
English enough
so came here and yes 6 min imagine you
know trying to learn English we were
pretty much I remember going to school
and those big clumps of bacon and then
the cheap of the cheaper version is the
cheap version because it's not little
thin slices we employ us how would you
want that was a big chunk you say see
laughter retired my gosh but it's
brilliant because again this is what it
was my character the clumps of bacon you
know wake up in the morning she made
back
try as possible wait you could imagine
it was not easy trying sliced bacon as
you put it on that sound good share I'll
get to school so I said I do not know
some of the things that were deemed to
be normal in this country sometimes
frowned upon
yeah so break time think I'm a bacon
sandwich you know remember I remember
him to Clete onto the bread so hard to
prevent the whole me good bite
you know yeah I remember sometimes we'd
have pizza it would have Pete certainly
and I'll bring they left all this nice
box at my Lodge for school Broco Pizza
he and I did not know that this was not
the into the normal button but you know
it was tough for my sisters there she
was younger she started by ryaba star
square one she couldn't speak that could
be English as well so we kind of just
have each other have to try and you know
I remember sister go home she'll be
trying to read a book to try and learn
you know English I should be holding
that book upside down you know you just
start I would love a coke
bacon sandwich for those kids don't
listen Island kids kids are cruel yeah
you know meals kids are cruel that's why
there's so much bullying in school right
now it's only now right now oh no wait
if I have to you know go to work with
this is all right this is okay cuz now I
don't put down anyone's approval I'm in
that stage now where certain people's
opinion if it's not constructive it
doesn't bother me
moving on then we went to secondary
school obviously were picking up English
you know it's improving improving the
language just getting back there so we
get to school yeah do the sets in you
nine I did okay considering
yeah ten will do GCSEs okay no yes I
will do you mock GCSE means encore these
are marks and - seriously
Bastille did well in them then I
remember there was one Paris evening
goes one parents evening news in their
parents evening actually my parents were
cold from school and the teacher said
can you kiss community discussion your
son is underachievement
right okay like I told your son is
predicted to come by the end of GCSE is
to come out with four C's with this
coming from you know I'm doing well in
essence I'm always you know and can
imagine you know in my house we'd say
education very seriously and it's not
just my house is probably across the
most African families most African
countries cause in Africa education is
not free you know here privilege is a
privilege is a privilege that many
cannot afford I remember
at home kids will be sent out from
classical definitely see the
Headmaster's office or go home if you've
not paid the school fees cause some
people simply couldn't afford so you
coverton so imagine you come into this
country metal education is free and
you're messing about yeah you're not
taking advantage of the opportunity that
is presented to you witness others at
home or dying for this opportunity and
when if they are to get it they would
flourish in you know you know can we
imagine they were really disappointed
do not happy it was a case right you're
mixing about you don't take a school
education seriously from now on there'll
be no going out no playing out if you
were to play outside you know I was
acting all playing out during the week
anyway I was very impressive on the
weekends
I was allowed out on mainly just the
Saturday if his Sunday so a couple of
house I was allowed on Saturday but
before I did that I had to do you know
those PGCC books yeah I had to do
certain number of pages of them before I
could go out and I had to get it right
and I used to think why they doing this
to me why me you know all my friends at
help then when I did go out I don't have
to care if you have to be 4i either six
or seven even some other stars blazing
hot at 7:00 p.m. you have to be able to
seven I don't think it's himself why are
they doing this to me why me you know I
used to moan about it wasn't impressed
but then it's funny now when I go back
because obviously at that age you know
more than your parents don't you another
thing that you know yeah but what I do
there now and the kind of people that
were staying out so midnight what they
were doing to midnight I'm not comparing
myself to them I'm just saying I'm glad
that my parents did that I'm glad that
they did that for me because
so for me as well if I was one of them
kids someone invited prison some of them
are just doing all kinds of business you
know anyway absolutely predictions I
think that is an important point though
that we should stress because I was the
same so I went to tip it up which is
where you live now I think I still live
there and I had like best friends and
you think you never gonna get friends
better than this and I want to go to
Thibodeau comp and at that time I was
doing well academically so my parents
were like okay we're gonna send you to
grammar school the helis grammar school
then I found out he was all-boys school
but that way he's going through puberty
exciting to find the opposite sex
attractive and I was like here I go to
an all-boys school and I went and I
resented it I resented the decision for
ages I'm gonna hate it but in hindsight
similarly yourself now that got me into
a very good university even what my
grades weren't great because I had that
my CV it also taught me a lot about how
you should conduct yourself in certain
situations not all of it was positive
but also been there I've got some of my
best friends and I'm talking about
friends you on the right side of the law
okay when I look back at if I'd run
tv.com and I look at my friends there
there were stabbings there was prison
there was drugs with the community that
I grew up with so I don't know would I
have been brave enough with and stepping
away from friends who have grown up with
or what I've just got involved in that I
don't know we'll never know but I'm kind
of grateful that I went my way and life
has brought me here so yeah Paris I
think they always try to do the best
that they know but at that time you
don't see oh man angry I mean they never
even played football there and as a kid
I was like a hotshot footballer
apparently and I've got to defeat every
all my dreams I'm kind of crushed in
that moment yeah but then also some
wonderful thing and now I kind of think
you know what actually my life isn't too
bad and I suppose it's perspective and
it's a age and as you grow you can you
can spin anything I suppose in a good
way that's and yeah sorry continue
well in that sense I think it man so
close so close you know we are ta 11 we
do GCSEs I come out with two A's B's and
C's yeah I don't know how much that I
had to do with all the extra homework
that I had to do because of that meeting
being cold but I saw so smug towards my
teachers thinking oh okay there's your
four C's you know we came from Revere oh
yeah yeah you know that figure of
putting their limitations or
expectations on me you know not picking
I love me yes okay great this was it for
me I think actually today today best
achievement I worked hard for that
please repeat in a school of how many
people to be the top and you know be
another one from where you start exactly
that's the thing as well Stan journey
knowing you know came here barely being
able to speak a word of English and now
here I am being told you're the example
student you know that was big for me and
that's why to this day is still one of
our biggest achievements
that we call to college to a-levels
doing a-levels breaking those I don't
know teacher see you because doing the
hub behaves on son who's come a bit of a
joker yeah sometimes I like to say a
joke sometimes might be inappropriate
times when I like to crack a joke about
this has been interviews where they're
going to just cracking jokes yeah
probably cause ya know the swamp and
semen college where my mom comes in
friends dad came in as well and I
remember as we're going out he was going
out my mom was coming in so I'm still
mom kind of knew what to expect
yeah and in there it was some kind of
exactly what the predictions were but it
was no great again he was no quotes
he was no great January exams so you
know that's Jennifer Connelly Wingate's
caucuses in January exams like three
months either one now and I remember
there was a law exam I was ready to go
see I thought exam was a 2 p.m. or
something I don't know what in my mind
[Laughter]
anyway so you just told me you know
check what time you exactly hmm
and this time is about half nine when
zone was at 9 o'clock
yeah you know I had breakfast heaven or
breakfast yeah
so we get to school and we get to
college which is about half an hour
drive on a good day
this one's not good dangos of the snow
obviously so I get they have a half ten
and there's about an hour of the exam
next is going to be a two and a half
hours I'll run for it
I'm not oh please I'm going to be naked
no exam can you please let me go and see
the rest of the example you know cannot
restart it about two hours now and then
I why are you late that's odd the bus
broke down those are all round chaos -
okay we the only student from this
College in that bus yeah but you only
see the last best results came out I'll
go ahead de you yeah I got a de you au
was a mystery yeah I didn't think I did
that bad but boy come one hey you here
we go again you know I'm gonna go home
how do you go home the best thing to do
yeah so there's no nasty surprises when
I get home my parents just know I was in
a school day
you know hopefully bugs ever get home
yeah Judas thank you lot of except to
the end you know it's like go home get
home and again it was just a case of you
know yeah this time there was no right
ten is your life your life you do what
you want is worse that I got me man yeah
disappointment is worse than that guy
I'll probably get shouted midair don't
gets around disappoints in the human so
I was thinking some stuff okay so I had
to pay for the reasons are my own money
then resuts
I go in a b c in the receipts in the
summer which was great because waffle
was a leg was really the same as he said
Jesus is we can revise two weeks before
George I know Chauncey and so I learned
the hard way I'm sort of sure in the end
I got a BBC fantastically end of the ADA
was which was great which can set me on
the path to unique University and I went
to university went to Manchester did my
first degree
you've Community development's it was
great
enjoyed it then I went on to do some
work related to that words and fate of
people
mmm-hmm and it was basically a
organization which would be young people
who were born HIV and I would like to
say that it's probably the best thing
I've ever done in my life imagined job
wise and satisfaction wise cuz you know
you're making that positive impact on
people's lives and having said that you
know I am gonna keep jumping back and
forth wine yeah I know that start the
podcast was all discussed growing up in
the house were you watching people
working hard know what we know this job
in age of fourteen I remember it was a
paper round for the local newspaper in
the area and it was about 350 newspapers
every Thursday in November I wake up
first thing in the morning Wednesday
nights
first thing first day morning do about
150 use maple before going to school
come back get rid of school
go to school come back home till even
the rest of the newspaper sometimes you
saw spit into the Friday as well
depending on how fast there wasn't one
nothing and again it was that thing of
trying to get that good work ethic
instilled in me from a young age as well
so once I was you know in college I was
working as well yeah I was working them
in has to be like you know you do the
math I was pissed at it see then when I
moved to Manchester also a convention
see like I do that by state authorities
gonna work like Clark's and I moved back
home yeah because the other guys I was
working for they lost their funding and
they had to close down and I'm thinking
man was next because I've got this
degree but I know that the job prospects
are not great a ride wasn't Mickey Mouse
degree and I think you know go back I'm
one I've done the same one
maybe frequently that prospectus was a
big t fast yeah you know he's just a
case of Social Work socialized the next
thing for me that's what and that's what
we met that's what we meant
I remember the first time I see this
Social Work and being in social workers
were working in and it was back then and
I remember it was a case of also
different different environments and
they you need to remember you working
together differently when I did my
undergraduate it was a case yeah yeah
here the Masters is the case of your
help me help you
of course and I think I've seen more us
is amol that's the big man that's the
big and it was a case of my it was not
just asked he was pretty much the whole
brain sleep everyone just worked so well
to confess
and we try to make sure that if someone
did not was not doing so well we try to
pull them up why didn't his doing this
you know centrist instead of myosin
powerful is this you know yeah who's
great and again it's that thing of for
me that's where I experienced real trust
I mention your colleagues because I've
not known anything like that before I
think I'm the same but then there's a
few things that that one age will
probably or everyone's had a degree
before so you wise up a little bit but I
think also it's a testament that people
are going to become social workers
because you guys who are keep in touch
with here and there through that what's
up yourself a little bit more to be a
social worker wanna become a social
worker you've got to be a different kind
of person I believe you've gotta have
that level there's gonna be something in
your heart that makes you want to help
people so the reason you will start that
journey together was we want you to be
the best I'm socially in the world and
change the world so if we call after our
peers who are on the same path as us
then that's saying something about your
personality and there's nobody on that
course I can think of who did that we
all literally just held each other up
somebody would tell me what my choice
like come along with me and I love that
community like so yeah you know I having
said that you having said that you know
you said you have to be same kind of
person to be a social would you be
surprised you know bro really there's
some people that you see I don't think
it wait you know you'd agree yeah
everyone was great I'm sure that
everyone was great as well as you think
[Music]
but then when you get in the job there
are some people that you think where
were you and the cool so become
desensitized or
Huracan people do become desensitized
and sometimes i know that we found this
out that the job is not what we expected
it to be yeah so I think that's probably
why some people serve turn out to be a
certain way whilst on the job
yeah um you know we do the masters and
now you know I'm I'm working the job
working the job and it's going okay
basically from my story in main thing
the hours of convey is their thing of
other people's expectations
do not let people's expectations of your
other people's limitations in you become
your reality doctor so you know if
someone's a sense EE you know yeah you
do so well I don't think you're gonna be
able to do this you know that's their
expectations that doesn't mean it has to
transpire it to you absolutely
and sadly it does sadly in some cases it
does cause a self-fulfilling prophecy
yeah if you didn't shout that the bad
believin that they're bad you know
they'll probably start behaving it's
that feeling of staying in your own lane
I think that's really important people's
opinions they're all facts it's just
their belief and again their belief
isn't the truth is their truth it's not
in fact and I think I've learned that
the hard way because a lot of stuff I've
bought off for trying to do was based on
other people's opinions and I just think
now the most important opinion is the
opinion of myself I mean in movie you
have to it sounds it sounds weird as a
grown man and he stays thinking I need
to start to look at myself I need to
start valuing myself because somewhere
along the journey I stopped doing that
and the way I would I suppose look at
myself what I do myself was based on the
opinion of other people whereas now it's
like each Australian if there's a few
people in my life who their opinion
concerns me because I respect them and I
want them to think that I'm doing a good
thing but other than that it's really
about myself and that's why we touched
on prior to this episode time why'd you
stop that self-talk every morning and
have you stuff that empowers me rather
than brings me down because a lot of us
thumpings get out it wasn't actually
myself it was the opinions of others
that I would repeat to myself and say I
must be sure I must be anxious I must
not be strong enough for must not be
good enough
that's a is the mind is so powerful so I
think one of the things I want to try
and be with this podcast is always try
and get into younger heads so they don't
go through that exactly he really
switched them young because we instill
that mind saying them from a young age
isn't it yeah definitely you know and
it's not thinking of mom always says
don't let your feet go cold what she
wasn't someone else is great I love that
you know love it and it's not be enough
for example right now the time is what
time is it
11:14 11:40 11:40 in Zim it is 140 okay
it's 114 thing right now does that mean
that we're slower then we're not we're
in a different time zone we're not
slower than them you know and I said so
right you know someone graduated yeah
and they just wanted see or wait five
years before securing a good job and
someone became a CEO at the age of 25
but died at the age of 50 while someone
else became a CEO and the age of 50 and
leave till they were nine see Obama
retired as president at the age of 55
don't know Trump became president at the
age of 70 you know so everyone's in
their own time zone and people around
you they might seem like they I had a
few or some be behind you but everyone's
running the old race in their own time
so think of not being I just want to
point out quickly for the podcast he's
reading white Instagram right man ya
know but it makes so much sense which is
why we get along we think the same kind
of things so I'm sure your remains to us
[Laughter]
it's the truth but the problems with
society in like social media and stuff
is we are that in our food go cold I
suppose if you use that because we want
you cuz we're watching as a people I'm
not gonna sit here and say I don't do
that myself I'm conscious that it's not
the right thing to do six out of the
seven days a week
I don't do it but there are some days
when you get frustrated cuz you know you
want to be there but then is that thing
about trust in the process and we're
both average gym goers
we know what it's like to Broadway to
add strength to lose weight and stuff
and we know it's a process thing so so
that's really important
or what I switch gears just a little bit
we want to one of the next question
which is about routine now I always
believe where
product of our habits and the things we
tell ourselves and I think I know myself
personally but my routines on point my
days are on point and my goals and what
progression it moves forward but when
it's not it's completely off so I'm
gonna know is what's your kind of daily
routine that you do now having learned
all the lessons that you've had it since
coming from Zimbabwe to England and
going through school and then through
your social work where you probably see
more stuff than most people what's kind
of like your daily routine that keeps
you going okay wake up
people myself all been just now joking
right so obviously get on the treadmill
straightaway I get 45 minutes
frosted coffee or show a beauty show
coming up in about nine weeks where is
that show they'll be a staff to share
okay in Staffordshire then there'll be
another one two weeks after that in
staffing shared stuff and I'm not one
potentially after my Scotland you love
it yeah so at the moment I wake up to go
fasted cardio get in the shower then
have my breakfast and only just you know
breakfast I can have one to go on my way
to work
I'm going to work and probably listen to
songs because before he used to it
sounds like the radio and then I realize
that all the stars radio presenters they
irritate me
because I know guys their job or the
child or the rubbish yeah and most of it
is lies but that's what I have to do is
their job isn't it so there is anything
that's fine it's on the plate presenters
are talking I just feature a different
station with a drink and song at that
time I listen to radio for one now but
now I listen to something quite
motivational you know there's so many
motivational things that you finally
achieve and it takes me not too long to
get to work so I put that day's work is
finished and it's just climbed a little
something in my mind I've learned
something from that
Oh do and I get to work do I need to do
whilst at work you know how I can office
where people are always bringing cakes
my songs for breakfast and all this
difference and you know the donor so now
and then and I'm they even have a little
lunch boxes lunches you can have some
you're gonna have some you know and now
nobody even seems like a drink a cup of
tea they don't ask me for one because
they know that I'm not gonna have one
drink or take and condos weight so I can
teens tell me why I don't think into
idea how they're gonna say if you don't
know cause I've had these conversations
with my colleagues about you know having
the discipline to discipline and if you
are not there wish I was like you but he
can be only yesterday miss get right up
in the end until you get there you're
not gonna be able to see it starts here
it starts it starts all starts in the
head do memory right you can't you
actually can't and that's what I believe
I don't believe that you can't so you
can't you're not there until you believe
you can yeah anyway then of course the
gym after work I destroy my work out as
much as I can
go home and have a meal do it be a
reading after that cuz I've got about
two hours to find start getting ready
for bed and have my last meal and go to
bed okay that's a typical day and for me
don't get me wrong I work a stressful
job about something I think I think that
sometimes it's the stress would you make
it I'm not really a stress the stress T
person like that so for me I always try
to remain calm stay chilled and
sometimes the people that you know do
you ever like strength unlike what's
that gonna help
it's not gonna help me isn't American
things better it's not then I go see the
gym me in the gym is a space where I can
shut down you know just focus on why is
it fun to me
yeah it's a place for me there's times
that I going what gym about six times a
week
I don't want it went you know about six
times a week but now is the case of
discipline I'm just I'm there whether I
want to or that
do I wanna wake up frustrated with my
clothes every day
I don't want to see what I have to do I
do because I have seen you know people
saying are jungian up dry chicken out
dry chicken and veg again how do you
enjoy it I'm gonna enjoy I don't mean to
enjoy because nobody needs it
yeah it's about why I enjoy oh you can
season your chicken me you cannot
consistently so why don't you need to
enjoy it so have it yeah that's one that
I like that and the great thing about
that is it's transferable by anything or
anything because for me I've never
competed before these were first
bodybuilding competitions you know and
nothing to myself right
it's that pinnacle before I used to go
Jim it's just real weight you know try
and lift as heavy as I can they came
pretty strong but then what's next you
know cuz I catch a point in the gym I
think you know you know same old stuck
here for how many years not much changes
so if we know yeah jump our comfort zone
doing something that's gonna stretch
something you've never ever done before
so completes it and it's something I've
always wanted to do ok right this year
I'm gonna compete this you know is the
very first of December no sir right this
year I'm gonna compete that racism
nothing's happening so sometimes you
need to take action absolutely
absolutely
when it comes to do it that's a whole
different story some people some people
feel like they're doing push-ups oh they
getting bigger by just talking about it
oh yeah it's all pumped up the moment
and listen to motivational thing and
they're feeling grateful oh but 30
minutes per month okay now you're gonna
work and that work there and whatever it
is in life so say for instance if you
use my property for example a lot of the
stuff I do in this job it's not great
and sometimes people will look at it
from from their perspective and think oh
you've got the life you can work with
you on that listen when I accept my day
I hate doing these tasks but I have to
do it just in order to get my freedom
discipline equals freedom basically
that's how I see it
same with the gym so I'll get the smirk
remark
so you're always in the gym you're
addicted to the gym first I used to get
my back up a little bit because I didn't
want to be that guy but I'm like okay
that's fine
I'd rather be addicted to that then at
the same time similar to your son yes
I'd say three or four times a week I
really want to get to the gym because
you just you feel good you feel great
the other times and what I'm doing
sometimes I do to workout today as well
I don't wanna be there but I have to be
then I convince myself and I start
talking the struggle I go through my own
head to get myself to the gym that
morning is tough but it has to be
donated to become he's so happy now he's
like it's like when I breathe or when I
eat and drink it's just part of it this
is second nature
yeah everyone should do that because
like we said it's all transferrable into
anything if I can myself up my comfort
zone every single day and do that and
then do that with other tasks in my life
I either private casting ie my property
or my coaching or whatever then slowly
like with a gym progress it's gonna
start happening isn't it
you gotta start reaching them and look
doing things such as a meal prep I've
never used a real prayer never use the
meal prep and you know the whole results
have been working our fancy KFC KFC KFC
of course I why do I do that
dodge it corny ammonia sometimes all my
eat lunch and by the time just before
eating I'll be starving and I'll have
wiping stuck in order Big John's
astray if I were to be John's then go
Jesus laughter you cannot I work about
diet and stuff Engels now I could take
some 2,000 do four days worth of food
and I feel great yeah absolutely and now
it's a habit I believe in dreadmill prep
I enjoy heat and deciphering again man
motivation that's all if I say a - time
discipline lasts forever high-degree
wonder-percent I think I used to be a
person trainer not seven eight years and
I'm Cocorico need to like a coaching
aspect I suppose the people were so like
my property and business and stuff and
one of the first things I will say to
people when they approach me or can you
coach me for a kind of ability you help
me get get over this hurdle in my life
for example it's okay do you work out a
solution one of the first questions
asked which they probably don't expect
from the coach because I think you know
you're gonna give me some system or
something that you need to do for
business and the majority of them say no
I'm like well that needs to change
because the way I do my stuff is that's
the first thing we look at we focusing
on your health which I believe is your
biggest well you know healthy as well as
that kind of thing and your mind getting
that right and that's kind of how I look
at it so I think me going to the gym
especially for my boxing okay just
before meeting you doing the Masters has
been one of the biggest disadvantages I
had when I went to this property game in
this business game because I was like I
just take that work ethic where I was i
working everyone in the gym and i just
bring it into yeah okay i don't know as
much about property or business as most
people but most people start work about
knowing they work to about half i for
example you have about an hour and a
half at the dick you know for lunch then
looking at YouTube videos half way
through if I just wake up seven eight
o'clock but I don't have all that time
and I just work till seven eight o'clock
at night very very quickly over a couple
years I'll call back up if that makes
any sense that's kind of what I've done
it that of course yeah okay fantastic so
what is your biggest fear why is my
biggest fear okay um my biggest fear is
I would say to not be able to keep my
family they deserve what would change in
their day to day would it be that you
want to retire them from work or send
them on a holiday I mean what kind of
things in what will change them and then
moments wake up to what's work that
would be the main thing the choice did
you have the choice if they do choose to
go to work is our choice as long as they
have to yeah and at the moment is the
case of the clock see I thinks it's cuz
know we spend a lot of our time I work
more about time get home everyone's
tired or we the good gets a bed that's
your neo Cynthia as you know spend as
much time as you deal with them as you
do at work absolutely
for me I would like for my family to the
Opera Z what's the spin because that's
that's invaluable man thing is for us to
spend more time together spend more time
doing something that it does not really
benefit us you know the initial initial
amount of time that it got its that's my
biggest worry cuz it's not for you know
critics life is a predictor
you know things happen day in day out
actually I've seen this call he said
that we who die while still alive you
know you don't expect it to happen while
things happen and for me out of really
disappointed if I if something any fix
that happened and I'm not being able to
give my family the life that they
deserve
that's what my biggest fear okay good
answer good answer
okay so the next question is about
motivation I'd be lying I suppose if I
said there was a days where I struggled
to keep myself away I think I've touched
on this earlier you know gym stuff
and I'm pretty soon yourself had those
days as well I've yet to meet anybody
who doesn't need some level of
motivation or something that just keeps
on going on the days where they just
don't feel like doing it so I want to
know is on those days where you feel
like maybe you're in a funk or your
motivations gone and then he's just not
clicking in your head and you don't want
to go to the gym I know we touch on
discipline for example or you don't want
to go to it what is driving you on that
particular day okay I always think that
someone else is working harder that's me
by the way up in smoke okay if we are to
believe this you know the competition's
that I'm gonna do like I said I don't
wanna go to gym every day but I do
sometimes I'm in the gym I'm gonna
hundred percent I still give it
everything that came on that day yeah
you know I'll finish myself I want to be
standing on that stage and if I've lost
it's my cause I worked refused yeah I
want to lose with my head held high
okay there's nothing more that I
could've actually given me okay that's
what motivates me I don't understand
their thinking and if I want to think
that one day that's gonna be that we may
live so stop being of no wanting to be
outworked it's okay yeah you're gonna
lose okay we lose it but do not lose
cause I do not get oh yeah you know
that's Jim late but I'm Garcia
life in general I just touched up on my
knees that like they don't give for my
family
yes that's what motivates me to stop
being of man you can't afford to let
that grip slip
pushy and you know I'm always to you
more the fact that they're waking up a
goal to work that day when that day the
wake nuts got to work clay yeah that's
that's my motivation desperate like they
have to wake up for where that baby that
you have that makes sure you don't hit
that seems but exactly can I hear that
because I understand me my wife you
while I went on this journey where I was
self-employed and not really normally I
was literally carrying I had this much
money to spare another I need to get
remember me I need to pay for a coffee
any I was working my pennies out in a
bootstrapping but the thing that would
always get me out of bed was and I was
put my alarm I just put on for my wife
yeah so I'm like she's haven't talked to
work to support this I mean and that
used to keep me going every single day
that's so I hear that okay okay so now
you've heard the buzzer has just gone
off and we're at the fun part of the
show where I'm gonna put you through
your paces now the beautiful thing about
this is T doesn't know any of the
questions I'm gonna ask him so what I'm
gonna do is I'm gonna set the timer for
60 seconds okay so we're going to start
in three two one
the ability to fly or be invisible right
money your fame money Ronnie Coleman or
Auto Show Sega on favorite protein shape
flavor banana singing or dancing dancing
that Pixar YouTube YouTube Marvel or DC
model favorite TV show ever
would you rather than on how you would
die or when you were dying when you love
or money
love books or movies if you can sit with
one person in the world or an hour with
me you'll probably be in Iraq your worst
fear growing up was snakes what is your
biggest addiction
my biggest addiction is Jim summer
winter summer your favorite place in the
whole way your zoom speak or languages
will be able to speak to animals
sweet harmonies if you could abolish one
thing in the world for many P racism
your favorite song ever last ones
Jacob read minds or predict the future
your favorite superhero
my pramantha probably one of mine yeah
yeah okay so but nearly there's just a
couple of more questions left and the
next one's on reflection so hi inside
some wonderful thing and upon reflection
we can always think of ways to get to
where we currently are quicker easier or
with less heartache but I also guess the
journey teaches us a lot as well I'm a
strong believer in trusting the process
and enjoying the process so what I want
to know is if you could go back in time
to that one moment where you really
struggled and suffered with the
adversity so if you use the university
example and you can just whisper
something in the air of a younger T
knowing what you know now what would you
tell yourself when I tell myself be
proactive
no one's gonna keep this to you you can
do this
no one can race you come on your ways
for you you're gonna do but in so we are
actually at the last question then if in
a hundred and fifty years time science
fails to save all of us we're no longer
here and well that exists is a book on
the life of T by the way you can choose
up for the title and on that book it's
it can be as big as you want but
somebody's walking past what will make
that person pick it up right so what I
want to know is what would the blue say
and what would the total of that book
say about you okay okay something Godsey
I mean that I'm always there so someone
who just worked hard to chase the
American dream for their family just
finally in America
yeah people's attention but that it's
truly the only company okay title title
the British dream says a guy it's very
hard to get there make
they're gonna be thinking this author
has no idea where my story my story my
right there's not right or wrong answer
good answer good answer so that you've
heard it you've heard like an
unbelievable story of somebody who's
coming from a place where many of us who
are listening to this now haven't had to
come from I suppose and I studied with
tea at University and a lot of this I
never knew myself so it's it's been
inspiring for myself to hear this
especially when I sit back and I think
about when we were doing coursework and
I used to struggle with the English
English language myself so just to think
how hard it must have been for you as
well it just makes you appreciate how
fortunate we all are before we leave I
am I always like to ask my guests if
they could just give us one place where
we could reach out to you I'll probably
say snapchat realistically okay these
more than anything that's fine you and
your username infrastructure catcher
Freeman catch a Freeman okay fantastic
I'll put that in the show notes
I'm will probably put your Instagram in
there as well because I find it
inspirational there's a lot of great
quotes bill on my Instagram okay but
there's also a lot of their training
footage as well and bespoke prior to
this interview as well teas on the
transformation where he's gone from just
under probably 100 kg down to like 7 e
ie I think at the minute and it's
probably gonna get lower so it just
shows you that if you really trust the
process in your work hard you can really
get to where you want to get to and I
just wanna say thank you for coming down
really appreciate it
and tirana home thanks for listening and
remember this podcast is absolutely free
so all we ask in return is for you to
share this with a friend and drop us a
five star review over on iTunes have an
awesome day
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 8 - Memoirs of an Anxious Mind - Cos Kyriacou
Tagline: "To HIM its just a game, playing with my mind. An easy target for HIM, he always seems to find. He always seems to be there to put me in my place, lurking and scheming like a puff of smoke up in my face..."
Cos is a talented Poet who has found his voice by utilising the power poetry in speaking about his depression and anxiety. Riddled with many trials and tribulations growing up Cos has battled with suicidal thoughts from time to time.
Now determined to conquer his mindset working on his health, thoughts and gifts he is looking to help those struggling with mental health illness more.
Alongside this, Cos is also a qualified Accountant and Personal Trainer and this is just some of his hidden talents. He kindly shares one of his poems, HIM, in this podcast and I am sure once you hear this you will follow him over on his instagram channel to learn more about him and hear so many more powerful poems.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
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Links to guest:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cmklifestyle/ (Personal)
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindfullfitness/ (Movement
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so like many of my
guests I get really really passionate
and excited to try and support them and
I suppose that's the beautiful thing
about this show because it's real people
doing real things just like me and you
I'm really trying to make a difference
and today's guest is no different
today's guest goes by the name of Kos
and I do apologize in advance but I
can't pronounce their surname but you're
going to get all of that in the show
notes but what's important about this
individual is what they've been through
in their life and I suppose even more
important than that is how they've
tackled their adversity they've tackled
their mental health their depression
their feelings of suicide and really
come out on the other side and now what
they're doing is making an impact to
help other people and that's just my
kind of person and I'm sure it's
probably your kind of person too so I
think it's important that rather than
you listen to me whoo yes once again I
have a cold I think that's gonna be a
theme of this show let's jump straight
into this interview
okay so firstly I just want to thank
cause for coming on to the show today
and for all you listeners who are here
supporting our movement so my friend how
you doing today good morning I'm good
not as early as you Baba fantastic you
like to hear you well we've had a bit of
technical issues and it is slightly
earlier than normal so excuse our voices
cool so you've heard the introduction
I've explained cause his story but what
I want to know well I think what the
listeners want to know is more about
yourself from you and I think it's
important that they can get to
understand your story you
journey and how you basically progress
through life and ended up where you are
today so if you wouldn't mind my friend
if you could just give us a rundown
basically of the life of cause the life
of course easily hey I think it's best
to start where I am now and then kind of
go through how I got here so I'm a
qualified charted accountant sounds
riveting ah no he says exciting as it
sounds
whoo guys recently qualified in December
and in the new year I've gone part time
to kind of tramp pursue my own endeavors
in life so starting from the beginning I
was stopped when I was born because I'm
quite old now or in my own eyes I'm old
but I don't like to use the word suffer
but I've had anxiety my whole life and
now been listening to your your shows
haven't they been amazing by the way I
appreciate that thank you just listen to
your different guests you know struggles
they've had to go through and obstacles
they face for me I've always felt it
difficult to kind of ask for help
because I've had I've had such a good
life in something upbringing
and the situation I'm in I've had
amazing parents I've never had to ask
for anything not that was slow in any
sense but I was given everything I
needed clothes water the essentials and
that but from an early age I just felt I
was different kind of like I had these
voices in my head I used to think it was
it was good it was someone else I really
don't know what it was and I find this
went through life with it at school I
never really felt like I fit in whereas
on the outside poori it probably seemed
like I was that guy good at his work
gone along with people but I kind of
quiz my anxieties I threw myself into my
work so I think into studying into being
the best I can in that sense so I just
didn't feel comfortable socializing I
didn't feel comfort with myself and then
saw some much easier CSIS etc I left for
six one
I changed sixth one then and that's when
I started to spiral a bit looking back
now it's funny because I can see all my
catalysts I can see why I feel the way I
did
where is at the time I just had no idea
what's going on I'm just in my own mind
so for me what gets me a look is change
and uncertainty and new things and
especially socializing in in new
environments so change into a new sixth
form with people I didn't know new
subjects just threw me off completely
and it might sound stupid some people
because this is such a simple thing but
for me the biggest fact thing anyone can
handle is their own mind and that's
something I've always struggled with yes
I might not have had big thermal in my
life a lot of people have but a lot of
people live in with their own minds and
try about that every day and people need
to appreciate that
it is hard for a lot of people mm-hmm so
yeah went to I went to six-month picking
up from then and firstly was extremely
hard for me
I was probably on the debts of
depression where it's back then I think
we know what the pressure was so I
didn't really see as that I just felt it
was me so my family helped me through a
lot I got through a levels my second
year beta it was great because I was
more comfortable in my environment and
then applied for university got good
grades and got into UCL to study
economics and I think at UCL was the
first time I really but I understand
what the pressure was I start to go
through it so I'm still living at home
traveling to London every day and just
didn't feel like I fit in they're always
comparing myself to others that I wasn't
good enough to be there and then I
started getting suicidal food so I stand
on train tracks and my mind we kill him
to jump and yeah I in my mind I've - I
know myself cuz I've never had those
thoughts before and I'm in the past I've
never when I've heard people who commit
suicide or taken her own life I've never
understood it but in that moment and now
I've been through it that's the only
place you see confort is by not being
here not being with your mind
Wow is that is that kind of a thing that
you've you've convinced yourself that it
would just be better off yeah a hundred
percent it's like you explore different
options so when I start to feel anxious
or when I'm gonna extremely the prostate
I start to look
look at the fact that across the green
on the other side so I was at UCO and I
was saying to my mom
I'm gonna quit I'm just gonna get job
I'm gonna apply to a different Union I'm
gonna do this I'm gonna do that I always
try and wash one away because then all
that anxiety all that all that hurt will
be gone and over you place into
something new so that's the first time I
started seeing a counselor Britt at UC
oh and while I was at UCL I write to
another university again seeing that the
grass is green on the other side just
want to get out of it so I started
studying for my exams at UCL it's about
April time and then I've got
confirmation that I was given another
place at Royal Holloway University I've
been sorry okay and I thought to myself
you know what it's not worth the toilet
turn won't burn through I'd literally
write vice for all my exams the weekly I
was gonna sit there but I decided that's
it I'm not sitting them because I just
want this this kind of cloud to be over
so I quit or I gave up UCL and
straightaway I just felt that count has
been lifted
I felt so good then I was like you know
what this is what I need like my next
university is gonna be amazing I'm gonna
find so yeah that summer was great and
then September moved up to roll away to
stop my new course and in the same thing
started comparing myself to others new
situation a lot of social anxiety I
didn't go out a lot in my first year and
like I'd hear people in the kitchen
drinking and stuff and I just be in my
room
just with my own thoughts Wow and I'm
glad today I have amazing friends and
amazing flat I'm still in touch with and
that's friends with your good may as
well
fears off so she helped me through a lot
even if she doesn't know it and by
getting my first year of uni I was
thinking I need to apply to another uni
it's gonna be better on the other side I
need to take my course something to do
this I applied for a job and luckily you
know I was convinced to stay I lost my
first year went on to the second year
and that is the biggest term like my
life is the second year I just spiraled
out of control just in myself
among thoughts just not being able to
call or be in social situations with
people my first day my room up my mum my
sister would always come and visit me to
make sure I was okay because they were
extremely worried about me of course
like I used to lock myself in my room
then and research how to end my life
because it's the only way I can see an
end to it and I knew how wrong that that
was and the the only thing that stopped
me from ever doing it then was yes my
family like what we do to them but I'm
actually getting emotional saying this
sorry man please take your time
but yeah the most it's really silly but
the thing that stopped me was I wouldn't
end my life right and my parent would
have to look after me and like her in a
state where I think people looking after
myself yeah sorry man no no I can only
imagine what what you're going through
because my level of desire is nothing
compared to your level of depression and
we spoke briefly before we had this
interview that you know it took the best
8 years of my mom's life away and I
think unless you live with somebody
who's going through or somebody it's so
difficult because from the surface I
mean you look at your Instagram you look
at yeah the way the way you conduct
yourself your poetry which you're going
later on in the interview it's just like
this kind of depression you know you
just know isn't no more that is it
normally is somebody you can relate to
but it's it's amazing how some it's not
something so simple but something like
your mind can just completely just yet
turn your world upside down and it's one
of my favorite quotes ever and I
probably say to myself at least six or
seven times a week not because I do it
but because it just helps with things
into perspective and it's comparison is
the thief of joy you said that you had
ins ie from a very young age and I mean
I'm 32 now and I'm kind of peeling back
the onion layers using an analogy of
when I started getting anxiety and I
think yes having reflected and looking
back at myself I'm able to find certain
moments in my life like when I was six
or seven I was at
shit I was actually quite anxious then
and then maybe that's really kind of
snowboard have you been able to in your
current situation not be able to look
back and find these key triggers or have
you always just known yourself to be
anxious no a hundred percent if I knew
one who I knew now about myself I could
have controlled a lot of what happened
to me and not let it happen
could you elaborate so my anxieties my
catalysts are changed like new
situations where that's a new job new
University a new subject I'm studying
uncertainty so I'm a perfectionist as I
said before I used to put myself into my
work and just try and excel at that so
if I'm not the best at something I start
to get anxious might sound stupid but
that's just the way I am so it's not
stupid
so you've always had this in psyche yeah
and now you knowing what you know now
you've said you can obviously look back
and think I could have changed stuff
what kind of things I mean I'm thinking
practical things here for somebody who's
maybe a little bit younger than
ourselves who's going through this
moment they're just constantly anxious
have changed like yourself and being in
these kind of environments what would
you kind of say to them now the one
number one thing does has helped me the
most about anything is talking about it
so talking about how you feel because I
would often just keep everything balled
up inside me and whereas today I'm open
as hell honesty oh are you guys to swear
on this podcast may you can do whatever
you want thank fuck for that that's fine
some people might not like that but you
know sometimes it's one of the only ways
you can express it sometimes one or two
episodes myself so
not a problem mate so yes second year of
university extremely down I went to saw
a doctor there who prescribed me after
depressants and I'm back then I had
never taken a tablet in my life not even
a paracetamol just nothing I was just
against putting foreign substances in my
body so I got prescribed down to their
presence I went and got them but I did
not take them and I came back home for
Christmas and I was just so so bad one
day my dad leave she just got me in the
car drove me off the sorry and when he
mom didn't say hello to any of my
housemates
just went in my drawer guys I depress
we drove all the way back home to North
London and I started taking them and
they helped me massively they're there
they're a tool for helping you they're
not a magic pill that's gonna make
everything go away could you have to put
you have to put other things in your
life that's gonna help you get through
but they definitely help just balance
out the chemicals in your brain and the
way you think think mm-hmm and so I
started taking them must I've seen a
therapist as well and then I started
going to the gym again so I was injured
at the time I got really depressed they
my substitute but I had a fun injury
okay that's unique yeah so I couldn't
really lift weights and so as soon as
that healed in the new year that's like
a gym again I started feeling good I
stopped them seeing my therapist even
though he advised me to carry on and I
finished my second year third year was
great really enjoyed it when I almost I
had finished uni over to 1/2 percent off
at first which again I beat myself up
again about don't beat yourself up today
I by the time I was in tears that
literally so fun and and then yeah
applied for a job took me eight months
to get a job and I had no idea what to
do with my life was planned for
everything in anythink mmm
got over Owen into accountancy and then
start here and then things that I
spiralling down again so and even
probably even deeper depression I had in
my second year and the extreme that
suicidal thoughts I just didn't know
what I want to do with my life
especially working full-time and
studying and studying for something you
didn't you didn't really want like I
didn't know if I wanted to be an
accountant up in all this effort into it
what am i what am i giving to other
people what I'm given to the world by
being an accountant
that's just how and I just didn't see me
doing anything else so I I said to my
mom not gonna quit and the Khan teach
I'm gonna quit and do this and quit and
do that and my mom bless her she she's
helping me a lot but I know how
frustrating it is she understands fully
johnstad 3 but I know how frustrating is
to try and help someone who nothing
seems to help themselves and you can see
the same things happening again in terms
you wanted to just change again to a new
situation
so I stopped taking as the presents when
I was at Union swell after that Sigma
period and I was at work I cited them
again I'm slicing the therapist again
and a major thing that helped me get
through if I did not do this I would not
have qualified to try to count and I may
not be alive today I'm being honest with
you I told him what I told myself about
my depression so I went spokes in
managers I went spoke the partners in
the firm and they were so so good about
it honestly
that's brilliant like they helped me
massively they put things in place for
me and I felt I could go and talk to
people about it more mm-hm so yeah it
was tough as hell and I qualified about
this December just gone so I'm currently
in the process of coming up mad for the
presents fantastic
I'll be off them in about two weeks I've
definitely felt some side effects but
they start to wear off and I'm feeling
good about life now and the most
important thing about anything that
being through mum I don't like to use
the word happy up being through it I'm
kind of I'm glad for which taught me and
so six months ago if I was doing this
podcast review I know I was in tears a
little bit before but I would not be
able to talk about this with with
anybody whereas now I don't give a fuck
I put it on Instagram I talk about
trying to speaking about their feelings
especially especially as a man today in
the society there's so much many
pressures a lot of stance what about 100
percent mate it's a it's an ego maybe
surprise thing I don't know what it is
with guys we don't realize that
vulnerability is actually a true
strength and I spoke about this
previously again I'd recommend if you
can listen to Lewis Howes I think he's
got a book the mask of masculinity and
it's a fantastic book because I think as
guys you're doing something there that
is something that we don't do and I'm
not stereotyping it but how many of us
really talk about stuff when we feel oh
because it's a bravado thing isn't it we
can't show weakness we can't show that
we're feeling down or low and I think
the reason I was really interested in
getting you on this show is or because
you've touched on something there so we
spoke about the social enterprise that
I'm working on with my
we're going to get back to mental health
and awareness the first question asked
though was what do you want like if we
raise awareness is it money is it like
materialistic things what kind of things
would make you guys feel better and she
says somebody should talk to you and
that brings us to the whole thing that
we spoke about prior to this episode is
I'm gonna open up just centers I'm gonna
hire them for the day get people who are
going through it people who have
overcome it to just maybe talk about it
and I know that might sound like such a
simple thing from the outside but you've
touched on it now as well
the world needs to speak it's the
simplest of things look us I say to
everyone I don't see anxiety as an
illness this is my this is my personal
opinion yeah everyone has anxiety but
just different levels of a spectrum
depression is the lowest of the low thus
that that's an illness that's something
you can you need to case of our but the
difference between me and the guys
sitting next to me the only difference
between us is I can talk about it now I
talk about it that's the only difference
the guy still has anxiety 100% different
maybe different levels different aspects
in his life but he just doesn't talk
about it that's the difference and by
talking about it which you've been doing
more openly now and some of it's through
your poetry is all which is fantastic as
well have you genuinely seen like a
shift in like your overall moods and did
the severity of your laws as well Oh
100% like if I have a load they know if
I don't know they in the past I come
home and I keep all my stuff where it's
I come home now and thank what my sister
is my rock honestly I would not be
honestly hands-down I would not be alive
about her today and she has she's not
been through depression
touchwood and thank God but even so as
hard it was for her to help me she was
just there to listen even if she didn't
understand she was just there to listen
and put small things in place to me for
me and so yeah I remember this one time
at university when I was when I was home
for that Christmas when I was really bad
I had an essay to write and I told her I
just can't do it I'm gonna quit but she
literally sat down with me and made me
write for five minutes at a time when we
go and have a break and come back on
write for five minutes so that's amazing
yeah she's been amazing and you're
fortunate
to have that because there's so many
people out there you may not necessarily
have that kind of support network as
well yeah because like you've touched on
it's an illness and it's because it's
not physical because it's not like your
thumb for example or yeah you know
somebody's leg broken or something it's
it's internal and again because people
aren't speaking what we're doing is
we're masking everything with it with it
with a smile or Facebook post or
Instagram post but deep down we've
rarely know what somebody's going
through exactly it's just scary and I
think I think living with it is scary so
I can only imagine what you're going
through so again I just want to say
thank you for for really sharing the
story no problem I just want to say um
thank what I've not been in the press
date for about two and a half years now
yes I live with anxiety but I am knowing
that press date and I'm I will fight my
my utmost not to go back there and help
anyone else to come out absolutely and
I'm not I'm not in a position to give
you any advice having not been through
what you've been through but yeah then
there's a simple quote we use it for our
for our business that me or mom are
going to start it's okay not to be okay
yeah I don't know it sounds simple but
it's so important that we understand
that because myself I mean I don't
suffer with depression but I will wake
up on it on a Monday or a Tuesday it
could be any day of the week and I will
be in an absolute funk and I'm like why
do I feel like shit like nothing's gone
wrong like you know my health is they're
my wife's happy my mom's fine
there's nothing actually happened in
that day I've slept well but then you
know what you just you just feel really
low and you got like no motivation and
stuff and I used to beat myself up about
that because I just think I've got so
much stuff to do I need to change the
world I need to do this at least get
myself up now it's kind of like I
literally say that quote to myself it's
okay not to be okay and all I'll do is
on that particular day or do stuff like
I'll go to the gym I'll try and keep my
nutrition as well as possible because
obviously that helps your mind and
everything I try and speak with my wife
or my brother or my mom in the day just
to kind of cheer me up and I might still
be in a bit of a funk to the end of the
day but the next day it all washes over
rather than me dwelling on it and then
hating myself like throughout the week
that kind of makes sense so it's
fantastic that it's been like two and a
half years and there for yourself coming
off it but if you ever do find yourself
perhaps going a bit lower just know
that listen mate you've come out of it
so many times yeah kicking and fighting
you're doing great that it will be okay
and you'll be alright you next thing I
appreciate I know and and such know what
you said I've learned that saw so on
days from the rule of and you you won't
know why but you just have to take some
time out for yourself and on those days
even today I've made wake up and I might
feel a bit low I know I know deep down
there is something causing that maybe
not the day before maybe not on that day
but a week my ass something I didn't
tackle where it was on my to-do list
which is still bugging me yeah or
someone I didn't talk to or someone I
said something to which is bugging me
bugging me now and why I feel low so I
personally I think there's always a root
cause somewhere it's not always easy to
find
mmm there's always something that's
that's led you to feel that way I think
you're right there somebody else
mentioned this actually I think it was
on Episode three and it's about finding
that that deep meaning and I think
because we're so most of us wake up in
the world whatever is on our phone or I
email a job it will it will dictate our
date we very rarely get time to sit back
and actually reflect upon our life our
circumstances in our situations and I
think if we could do that probably have
less of those days because it is
probably a cumulative effect of things
propping up and then you've got this
level of like I don't know burden or
anxiety or something that will kind of
just hit you on one day and you're
sitting there thinking what's going on
here but it's actually like you said
possibly something that's that's
happened a few days ago that's powerful
so the funny thing is it's like there's
no like magic secret is there they're
not I mean if there was then the world
wouldn't struggle a bit like Fitness
yeah if we had the magic pill nobody
would be obese and it's kind of finding
I suppose did you touched on it earlier
his voice you've got this toolkit now
yes the the antidepressant tablets help
you control the chemical imbalance
that's going on but you've also got a
toolkit of stuff that you've probably
had through your therapist yeah those
who probably gives you different tools
that you can literally bring out as and
when you need them because that's kind
of how my mom explains it as well a
hundred percent like I'm kind of
reinvent the tools they gave me to work
for me
so something that I do massively when I
feel extremely anxious I don't if you've
seen on my Instagram or that bar split
page into and I'm one on one side I
write my negative feelings and emotions
and on the other side I write a healthy
point of view and it just helps me
conceptualize how I'm feeling it kind of
brings you out of my brain onto paper
and kind of I can actually write down a
different way of or view in it mmm yeah
your Instagram is brilliant and you're
gonna get the oddest friend requests by
the way because I've asked my mom to
follow your Instagram because some of
your stuff is like I can't get some of
it like I get like 80% of it send me
because I've lived with my mom my mom
was like my best well she is my best
friend and and I'll sin what he's done
like taken away from her life so it's
kind of I know that if she can read your
messages and listen to your poetry I
mean you know huh no gtv sorry your
stories your Instagram stories it will
help and it resonate with her so yeah
I'm obviously gonna put all the links
for the listeners as well to know your
social medias at the end of it because I
think it's really important that you've
seen someone who's yeah you you're not
fully 100% over it at the minute but
you're dealing with it and you're
dealing with it in the best way and each
time you're getting better better
equipped and hopefully somebody who's
probably earlier down the journey they
can benefit from yourself and this is
the whole point of this podcast is that
they can learn from your your experience
of suppose and hopefully change their
life for the better sooner exactly
that's that's the thing like I am NOT
I'm not perfect I'm not free to storm
you never will because life just
frustrate you all the time I've come and
but the only thing I can do is just try
and help people through how I try to
help myself
mmm and you are so yeah just try and be
as real as I can on Instagram you know
let people know how much it days because
Instagram is a is a fake world really it
isn't it's a highlight reel is which is
why I appreciate like your content so
keep that going buddy I'm gonna switch
the pace a little bit now so I know some
of the stuff that you do on a daily
basis but I think it's important for the
listeners who have heard about your
story to understand what your daily
routine is like so I'm a big big
believer that we are the results of the
thoughts we tell ourselves and really
habits and so what's your daily routine
from the moment you wake up to the
moment you go to sleep well or every day
is different and I'm not gonna I can't
lie to you hmm
I don't have a daily routine I'm still
trying to work out myself in terms of I
know what what would work well for me
but I haven't put it in place so I've
listened to one of your podcast one of
your early ones about the guy who used
the miracle morning that's right yeah
chin very good friend yeah I knew that
was a great podcast by the way thank you
so yeah I bet the miracle morning thing
was last year and I started putting a
lot of things into practice in the
morning not felt great and but then
exams came around again from my accounts
and I just fell off it well I have
certain things I do during a week rather
than a daily routine a daily routine is
something I'm working on in 2019 okay I
need to incorporate meditation I need to
incorporate leaving my phone out of my
room in the end of the day because that
just adds to anxiety mm-hmm so things
that I do on a weekly basis to try and
help me and relieve my stress is number
one you probably see a lot on Instagram
I love my Costa Coffee yeah I love going
there by myself taking a book reading
maybe writing some poetry just sitting
there watching the world and just being
comfortable in my own thoughts I love my
alone time now and another big thing
daily is Jim obviously so I usually
through that after work and it literally
just puts me in a difference day of
night it's almost like meditation
absolutely almost like meditation and
you're just there with your own thoughts
music in or not and you're just
concentrating on pushing the way up
you're not thinking about your past
decisions you made you not think about
the future you're just in that moment
there and then so that helps me
massively another daily routine meal
prep obviously every morning but yeah
I'm I'm still learning I'm still
learning about routines and I will have
it together soon but like you've touched
down there even myself my routine
changes from like year to year because
you always you're almost tweaking it so
I've done the whole waking up at 4:00
a.m. and then working my ass off
but then what would happen is at two
o'clock in the afternoon you not crash
and let's sleep for like an hour and a
half because I'm absolutely knackered so
then I was like this is pointless and so
then I mixed it up and now it's like
I'll wake up at 6 or 7 it depends on
basing my day so if you'll get an early
podcast or I forgot like an investor
medium or something like that then I'll
tweak it but generally speaking I don't
really care what time I wake up because
I believe it's what you do in the day
but you've got some great habits in
there like like the gym the meal prep I
mean that you're feeding your body
you're feeding your mind there so it's
about utilizing your time and taking
chunks out of the day where you can
really be productive in terms of
whatever your end goal is and a great
book that I've read that is gonna help
me put that my favorite Wiens practice
is called the room of the rhythm of life
by Matthew Kelly the rhythm of life ok
so I know you you follow my mindful
fitness page yeah yeah I do I've
recently just started following that
yeah
that's that's in the making and my
therefore mindful fitness is stemming
off that book really so what walks about
in that book is you have essential means
in life to survive so you have you have
oxygen you have a young Ward so you need
those things or you will die
but what people often neglect is their
legitimate needs and there's four of
these and we collect them because we're
too busy day today which is so
fast-paced in our lives and but those
four needs our physical needs so
nutrition and exercise emotional needs
which is relationships with people where
that's going to get coffee with a friend
talking someone haven't talked in a long
time then you have your spiritual needs
a bit harder to define for me it's just
being being comfortable yourself
spending some alone time with through
meditation going for a walk in nature
and the fourth one is intellectual needs
which is knowledge and learning new
things and we often neglect a lot of
those and one trying to do is encompass
those in my life and try and help people
encompass those in this because when one
of those things are off that's when your
anxiety will spike yeah yeah that's so
interesting that's powerful I'm gonna
I'm gonna attach that book actually the
rhythm of life by Matthew Kelly you said
yeah yes brilliant Kay I'll add that to
obviously you're you've got to Instagram
pages as well would you at the bottom so
I'll have a look at that I appreciate
that buddy thank you look into that
fantastic okay so
the next question is about adversity and
what I want you to do is if you could go
back in time and think of a time that
you faced great adversity but you
persevered through it so just one
particular time and I want you to
explain how you won obviously the
adversity to how you got through it and
three what are the lessons that you
taught you at the end of it oh Jesus
Christ
get your thinking cap on okay my figured
you know you know I said to you before
this podcast you sent me the questions
in that and I was gonna happen little
read about them you haven't read all of
you know what last night yeah I upgraded
my iPhone on Saturday and it delete
whatsapp conversations lost by a 10
o'clock and I was like sheets messages
just suck up do it which is why I think
this episode so far is so intriguing
fascinating because everything you're
saying is if you know it's not you
haven't scripted it out it's literally
just you speaking from the heart so I
always find that more authentic the
reason I do give the questions that
before is just because some people
suffer with is ie exactly okay well you
hear anyway the question has been asked
just have a have a few moments again any
dead time and stuff I can always edit it
how so I'll probably cost me because
like a particular situational moment
because there just been so many my life
and I've had to come out of well
probably my latest one is just
qualifying as a child accountant loads
of adversity faced there whether it was
work just not seeing myself was good
enough in septal workout producing the
knowledge that I have and just comparing
myself to others that within my firm
sort of thing and yet having to go back
on antidepressants was a big blow for me
it helped me massively enough if anyone
is taken out to the presence there's
absolutely nothing against them I was on
a about 20 milligrams a citalopram if
any of you listeners know just stop give
them the information and I've been on
that for about three years since I like
my job
there's no comment and slowly slowly I
was prescribed
ten just before Christmas so 10
milligrams taking one every day for two
weeks and then I take one every other
day
for two weeks and now I'm in a process
of just taking two tablets a week for
the next two weeks and I'll be off them
and yes I defects for anyone gran out
there there are massive side effects so
I did feel a lot more rumination come
into play so just kin stuff very a lot
more emotional and very snappy er people
close to me I love my family so I
apologise to them on here I'm sure I
understand
yeah and very very tired and lethargic
but now honestly I feel amazing honestly
I really do feel good brilliant mate
okay so the next question it's we're
going to get to happiest if I show you
so today it's a memory but but the next
question is what is your biggest fear my
biggest fear is probably going back into
a depressed state massively that's my
biggest fear
and the fear of that I think helps me
keep keep out of it and is that through
your daily discipline like the stuff
that you doing the stuff you you're
saying to yourself 100% like things I
say to myself just be more open and
talking now and actually feeling like I
have something comments to pursue like I
honestly believe I've been through what
I've been through for a reason as
everyone will probably say but I'm on
this earth not not to be an accountant
like I love my job and I love the people
I work with but my true calling is just
to help people help themselves
just bring me talking about experiences
and everyone can do that and you will do
you helping me and I've gone through it
myself even just some of the stuff you
say you know it's making so much more
sense but we are a result of the things
we tell ourselves then just on that
point I think that's really important
it's something I'm trying to get my mom
and anyone on all going through that
similar situation to do as well because
a very very quick example a little bit
about myself is yeah suffering with
anxiety and be shy I've always basically
walked looking at the floor kind of like
with a hunchback if you can kind of
imagine that so my hands in my pocket
and I've never really making eye contact
with anyone and I'm just kind of walking
and I remember recently I think it was
about two weeks ago we went for some
food and I said
my friends I hadn't seen for about six
months and he goes have you gotten
taller and I was like what like puberty
when a long time ago me and he was like
no you've gotta be like taller and I was
like well I've always been this tall so
I'm like I'm just six foot eight six
foot and I was kind of like just the
same height as in and you kind of
shocked and what I realized was so I've
been doing like affirmations and telling
myself stories every single morning is
part of my morning ritual and one of the
things is I am confident I am no longer
shy I am and I would say well these
empowering words to myself and without
realizing it without even thinking about
it my physical body had changed which I
just find fascinating that's somebody
who I've known for like the best part of
16 years had come up to miss it man
you've just grown a few inches but it's
because my demeanors changed now my
chest is proud and that there's no level
of arrogance or anything in that it's
just I'm just confident knowing myself
and I'm not this shy anxious person who
scared the world or what people will say
about me I'm comfortable in my own skin
and the other thing about you is you're
going to the gym and you're getting
bigger so that's probably right my
foodstuffs I do try and eat out
brilliant so we spoke about your fear
what is your motivation then what keeps
you going even on the days when you're
in a funk for example lucky gentleman
what keeps me going is knowing I'm here
for a bigger reason than myself mmm
deep down when I still help him my
family around me helping friends helping
people I don't even know and that reach
out to me not try not good as much as I
can but just believed I found something
caught truly believing and anyone out
there like I know how hard it is to not
know your purpose it like be being a job
or be a plan for job in a union not know
what what a fuck you want to do of your
life
yeah and it doesn't matter how would you
get it I believe one day we'll just
spark like if you asked me a year ago
what when I do I have no idea and
whereas things have just lights
sparking and you know pulling into place
and that will happen for you it's just
about whether you're you're willing to
take the risk to go and pursue those
dreams that's all it is I love that that
is so true and I think I always urge
people now so even like my younger
brother
I urge people to just try new things and
do different things because 12 months
ago May being a podcast host was
probably the last thing I'd ever want to
do other than it'll be an out of a plane
I mean and I'm at I'm actually debated
whether I'm gonna do that in the next
year or so jumping out the plane safely
should we say yeah trying anything crazy
obviously with it with all this right
people around but it's weird how you how
your passion just develops my actual
passion now is like you said it's making
that true impact it's making that
difference in life so yeah the beautiful
thing with that is is forcing me to come
out of my comfort zone hence doing a
podcast hence putting myself out there
on social media and doing this podcast
opening that business with more mommies
it's crazy to think that I would have
been doing this because I just didn't
think I would so I think you've hit the
nail on the head there people should
just go out there take that risk trust
that it will fall into place because I
truly believe it won't but at the same
time everyone's journey is different so
just because it's falling I think in
place for somebody out there he doesn't
necessarily mean it's going to be the
same for you it could be at 22 or it
could be at 50 but don't don't compare
basically what I'm trying to say exactly
because I've people might look at me and
say oh he's a qualified accountant he
saw it for life now I'm just I've chosen
to go part-time comma salary you know
money doesn't money you need it
unfortunately you need money but I'm
focused on my happiness right now when
I'm going part-time to to actually go
for what I truly want to do okay
fantastic so there you've heard the
buzzer and we are now in the fun part of
this show so this is a quickfire 60
seconds where I'm gonna be asking costs
all sorts of wonderful and weird
questions and the beautiful thing is he
hasn't read the show notes so you have
no idea what I'm gonna ask him and
they're not the same questions as always
I do like to mix it up a little bit but
so please are you ready buddy I'm ready
okay we're gonna start in 3 2 1
okay the ability to fly or be invisible
fly money or fame fame singing or
dancing singing
Netflix on YouTube that thinks Marvel or
DC I don't watch evil okay Batman or
Superman Superman favorite TV show ever
oh Jesus Christ soprano would you rather
how you will die or when you were dying
when I would die love or money
love books or movies books if you could
sit with one person in the world for an
hour who would it be my sister your
worst fear growing up getting older what
is your biggest addiction Instagram if
you could abolish one thing in the world
what would it be depression your
favorite song ever compete J : Drake any
songs French or Spanish Spanish pizza or
steak
they comedy or horror comedy and the
last one which is completely random
which is wizards which is the funny
thing is I wrote these like a long time
ago so I'm looking at it myself to get
what okay brilliant
the answer about your sister as well I
think I think she's gonna love to hear
this back I'm sure you tell her anyway
on a daily basis but if you're anything
like me sometimes I shy away from
telling the people I love the most I
care for him so much and it's probably
something that I should do as well but
so we run to the one but last question
and this one's always about reflection
because I always believe hindsight is a
wonderful thing and upon reflection we
can always think of ways to get to where
we are quicker easier or we less
heartache and we wouldn't be the people
we are today if it wasn't for the
process I've been through so what I want
to know is if you could go back in time
to that one moment where you really
struggled and suffered with adversity
and you could just whisper something in
your ear knowing exactly what you know
now what would you say say to yourself
oh I probably tell myself to tell people
how you feel and because yeah it's
extremely hard even by looking back and
even the you for today it's hard to
express how you feel whether that's
because you're gonna be mocked on social
media your friends won't understand
because of different maturity levels ah
yeah just be just just talking about how
you feel just talk about it I love that
and I want to get you to do if you don't
mind one of your poems now I think
because you've been through it you
couldn't you can hear the passion in
your voice as well are you just before
you start this are you thinking about
doing books or ebooks or anything on
that
Oasis I want to release a book
poetry book and also I'm in a process of
trying to gather to do like spoken word
events okay um so I wanna go and perform
poetry and and yeah it's funny how I
only started writing I used to write
poetry a lot for Mother's Day cards uh
my mom she's probably got loads of poems
which is quite handy because every time
my sister would ask me what we should
get my mom article I'll just write what
last year I went to Cyprus and my
granddad was writing poetry in Greek Oh
what just about turmoil he's been
through in his life and stuff I went
over to Cyprus by myself actually just
to save my grandparents for a couple
weeks and I thought you know what maybe
I should try writing down stuff as well
so it's the one I'm gonna read is the
first one I wrote in Cyprus some of some
of them when I write them I can kind of
I don't feel this way anymore but can
kind of go back to how I felt and write
the emotions down which is yeah yeah
which is quite good for me and so yeah
the one I'm gonna read this the first
one ever wrote when I started writing
properly and it's called him him love it
let's go all right so here miss just the
game playing with my mind an easy target
for him he always seems to find he
always seems to be there to put me in my
place lurking a scheming like a puff of
smoke all up in my face and I are closed
my eyes praying that he'll go but in the
morning he's still there he always seems
to show he follows me constantly like a
hovering dark cloud I turned to look at
me
look at him in the face sometimes and he
smiled was also proud what did he want
from me what about done a question every
day my whole life he seems to have taken
and he's here to stay but one day it
seems to click and I look all around
he has no physical presence so how can
he be so profound that's when I realized
I'm living in the past and future with
my other thinking mind an easy target
for him he'll never ever find Wow
that is powerful yeah and there that's
that's about depression may that's a
talent there you know you've got may got
many talents you work out well you've
got the accountancy going for you you've
got this poetry going for you yeah and
if your aim is to like change change the
world for the better and help people who
have been through similar situation to
yourself like you know it's going to be
excited understand I mean people like
and we've never actually met in person
but with people like you is voice all
about as well I appreciate that and it's
the reason I love doing this is because
after after speaking with somebody I
almost feel like a new level of
connection if that make sense so it's
like I see you like as a friend now I
mean I've probably spoken to more in
depth about personal stuff than I do
with some of my friends and but
genuinely like my hand is here if you
never need it if ever there's anything
that I can help you with in the future
if ever there's times that you feel and
or anything because it is about just
helping each other up because there's
going to be times where I might need
that for example yeah 100% you know I'm
here absolutely hit me a message
absolutely I appreciate it and you just
keep doing what you're doing because I
think you're gonna you gonna inspire so
many people and like I said my mom's
gonna be fun in you hopefully today I
didn't tell you yesterday so alright
I'll look up no pages yeah she types
quite funny I was always left for them
because she taught me like the one
finger thing and it doesn't always make
sense but I just think it's important
because I think any age any demographics
or whatever it is your message is just
true we are at the last question now for
Jenny and this is a question that I
asked all of my guests and it's if in
150 years time science is unable to save
us and we are no longer about and all
that exists is a book and this book is
about the story of your life it's a
story that you've written moving on from
now up until the day that you sadly pass
away what I want to know is firstly what
does a blurb say about you I a summary
to make someone you really want to pick
that up and think actually I'm
interested in this person and secondly
what would you call the title of your
book Oh
I think my book would have to be a
poetry book rather than biography and
the title of the book I think would be
memoirs of an anxious mind and the blur
I don't think would say too much at all
it would just say I don't even know a
poem perhaps that could kind of sum up
your yeah a poem that sums up or just a
man in his mind just an anxious mind
full stop just something plain and
simple and the poetry and the poems will
speak for themselves about the
situations about the feelings and
emotion that's powerful I think you also
listen to episode one I thought you
might have not been getting this by here
why keV and the beautiful thing with
Kevin's as well because he's my boxing
trainer he's a lovely chap but he also
does poetry as well yeah and I just find
it I find it fascinating because like
keV you do poetry and I listen to a
couple of years as well and we're in the
process of kind of resurfacing him
because he's got him in like normal
books and I'll say maybe you could self
publish it get it out there because I
just feel like really hit your
heartstrings so it's powerful buddy it's
been an absolute pleasure I just want to
thank you for your time again and
apologies for the stuff in the morning
obviously it took us about 30 minutes to
get skies it's got going but at least
you managed to find your voice yeah the
shameless plug there from the morning
but what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna put
links to all your social medias that I
know but if there is anything else or
anywhere else you want people to find
you because I think it's important that
people can follow your journey and
people can learn from you learn from you
you can maybe help them if you wouldn't
mind where's the best place to find you
the best place for me is probably my
personal Instagram page which is cmk
lifestyle and then my other page which
is up and running and I want to stop it
a lot more up there as my business
expense is mindful fitness spelt with
double L and actually spoke incorrectly
by accident but actually actually works
really well now and you know there's
actually a funny turn on Instagram you
can only one person can have a name in
the world
yeah for a name so mindful fitness
double-l was taken so I originally had
to call it mindful doc fitness and I
found the woman she was in a miracle and
a person who had mindful fitness and the
name and I said to my friend I'm gonna
message her and ask her if I can have
her name like we can switch and would
like don't be silly she's not gonna do
that so I sent her a long message I see
them two at the MS they're like I
literally spilled out my heart out to
her and asked if we could swap names um
and I've got a message the next morning
and she said she'd be happy to for $50
so I sent over fifty dollars a night and
she's got mindful dot fitness so
fantastic yeah see that it's all of its
all about sliding into DMZ
I love that okay um are you active on
any anything else or should we just
stick to Instagram for now Instagram for
now and then I'll be expanding pretty
soon fantastic and obviously once people
can finally find you on there
you're quite active in terms of your
story so they can obviously fun of your
journey I'll be finding your journey may
it's been an absolute pleasure speaking
to you this isn't going to be the last
time you speak but obviously offline if
I can help you in any way and vice versa
I'd like like you're helping me you're
helping my mom as of today and you'll be
helping many other people as well so I
want to say thank you to you and to the
listeners at home thanks for listening
and remember this podcast is absolutely
free so all we ask in return is for you
to share this with a friend and drop us
a five star review over on iTunes have
an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 7 - The Way I Changed The World - Mus Jones Yafai #7
Tagline: "They are willing to do this, no matter the circumstances, no matter the time of the day, no matter who you are, they are willing to take your child, no matter what!"
Mus Jones Yafai is a wonderful human being who needs your support in raising awareness for his wonderful cause, Child Safe. Having experienced a child abudction attempt on his younger child Mus has made it his lifes purpose to ensure the public are aware of all the ways possible to safe guard their children and other peoples children from abducters.
With shocking statistics, it is the first time in my life I felt scared for anyone with children, for my younger siblings, for my own family members. I felt somewhat oblivious to all that was going on, only to really be woken up by this.
I urge you all, to listen to this episode or at the very least follow Mus over on his social media outlets and help support this amazing cause to better safeguard the children of our future generations.
P.s. it is not everyday you hug a grown bodybuilder the first time you see them!
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/yafaichildsafe/ (Child Safe)
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mus.yafai (Personal)
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/childsafe1
kickstarter campaign:
http://kck.st/2UuLWPM
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aaron do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aaron due to
another episode of find your voice my
name is Aaron and as always I am the
host of the show so it's very rare
you're gonna see two grown men embrace
after an interview in fact you're not
gonna see that because I never recorded
it but this individual was an amazing
person that after this interview we
actually we had a moment and I say that
because I thought a true connection to
this person and I trust my gut feeling I
haven't been a social worker in my
previous life this is a person who's out
there really trying to change the world
and more importantly what he's trying to
tackle is gonna affect almost every
single one of us because it's about
children and that's one of the most
important things in the world if you ask
me so I'm gonna literally jump into the
interview you're gonna hear about an
amazing person who's doing amazing
things but he's also had some incredible
experiences something that I don't wish
upon anyone so without further ado let's
get this interview on the way okay so I
am sitting here now with moss so how you
doing today man good very good
always and yourself very well than the
cold yeah thank you for taking time
every day I think it's important for
listeners to obviously get a story about
yourself from you because rather than my
kind of narrative yeah so if you
wouldn't mind if you could just give us
a little bit about your life maybe your
upbringing just like key stuff that you
think would be important and relevant
for this story and then we want to
really touch on the word that you're
doing today which I'm really excited
about but be good to get everyone to
just get to know you a little bit
okay well I'm a family of 11 Wow okay
six reverse two sisters we grew up in a
three-bedroom house wasn't easy but we
were so it was fun and scary at the same
time see living with strict Muslim
parents okay no people tend to still
really know about it's not about the
religion it's about culture the culture
is completely different I did about
Christmases I do like birthdays but that
made me appreciate life even more now
especially with my children yeah I mean
so I'm very grateful to have the little
things with someone tries to give me a
gift now I'm not well then so growing up
you know growing up I played Lockerbie
okay I plan to the playing professional
would be the age 80 after playing rugby
and then when two universities my degree
after doing a sports degree no idea what
I was doing constantly searching for it
and I always wondered what is it what
I'm going to do in life until now I
believe we all have a destiny absolutely
no matter when it will happen in our
life we don't know as we keep searching
good surgeon and I found when I stopped
searching
I think everyone's trying to find the
perfect age I suppose yeah or they'll
see somebody else next door to finding
it that's not necessarily your story
people these days well they see was they
see the value of money objects as well
you know you know I do as well you see
someone if I want to do that look well
then you realize they put that hard work
in I haven't just been handed it to and
then this day when their work you know
their lives to get those things I always
say that I think it's so easy to look at
so you see people on Instagram for
example or Facebook and they're
successful they've got a nice car money
and you like it's easy for them well is
it really easy for ya do you know what
they win through the power sister
journey and actually
yeah okay that's interesting so you
didn't use your degree actually touched
on phase of your path so eleven children
in your house are you the middle one the
older young yes are you the young oh yes
he's a pretty one yes we are at the
Council of four children okay just
before we go into this it was mine of
course so you've got your degree you
realize you're not gonna do nothing with
the degree I can relate to that
yeah and you do something now what's
happening in between here is this mom
argue just be lost the wall no this is
all found one supposed to do now this is
completely and it took something tragic
for me to find it but there's no
uncertainty in my mind and now what I
have to do and it's for the rest of my
life it's there's no doubt it's like I'm
finally happy it's it's an amazing
feeling to know what you're supposed to
be pond why'd you were put on earth for
and this is the feeling that we need to
give to everyone else to find it it's
the most amazing feeling ever you
wouldn't you know what you want to do
like I said life is not about just going
to work every single day to work your
well for someone else and then just to
go home yeah I'll see you happy kid
you're happy then just go work if it's
up to me obviously we have that passion
to find something we'd love to do
absolutely and then spend the time with
the people we love that's what loves
about I mean you have to do something
you love to do in life there's no you
can't work just to end your life
I suppose it's a shame though society
kind of teaches us that that's the norm
of course it's go to school get a decent
bread innocent that's it retire at 65
make sure you've got pension safe
sixty-five no we can do it now of course
the white decision is in the right
action okay so fantastic so we're gonna
jump into the bit that I'm excited about
yeah so I just thought of a name you
know I want you to elaborate I want you
to explain it or it's gonna be the first
time I'm listening as well okay so
hopefully the listeners will will get
excited as much as I am okay what I'm
gonna start with the Nana neighbors
child safe mm-hm
yeah bread more than that well I'll tell
you the story and how the story came so
basically my three-year-old daughter was
almost taken from me the 7th of October
2018 at 1 p.m. and Lidl was doing my
supermarket shopping it was the craziest
scariest feeling I've ever heard of my
life I'm just doing my shopping as
normally doing but I noticed this man
walking around the shop he had enough
fusions constantly not taking any food
up no do no shopping
so I'm a partner there's something weird
happen in the shop he's everything I
could just feel it and then he carried
on following us around a shop and they
just I tried to ignore it but not know
at the same time because just when did
you involve with children your parents
did you're the protector you have to do
anything you can't just keep them safe
so we get to talk when we're doing put
enough into the into the trolley and
then Otis joined our queue and he's got
nothing any sound so I'm just like okay
and then I've put more daughters as both
Attilio there's normally an edgy
something like that sent them enough
food in the toilet and then the exits to
our left and with kids it's alright so
we're standing and then he just wants to
please shut down I said okay something's
definitely having no and she's done
pause I'm gonna go get ice concert Kim a
periphery looking at him and then he
walks past in the queue so he's leaving
the shop but he doesn't leave the shop
he walks then to the right and goes it
six six market and I'm like don't tell
miles of him whatsoever
mom my head's like is he gonna do
something is he not am i playing tricks
on myself I'm not just reading into this
too much is he generally just a normal
man just stand in their way
but it wasn't that case unfortunately he
decided to get close to my daughter
close to my daughter and then I said
time upon again I said he's about to do
something which is like he's not doing
anything so I've turned back round give
him that chance to see if he does turn
back round again he's then about to pick
up my daughter and run out the shop with
her this is where like I completely
froze at first because that was a nut
much shock you just like you know a lot
of men would say why didn't you do this
why didn't you do this and fortunately I
reacting the more perfect why you're not
even around my kids and I've got both of
them put them both behind me and I
stared at this man I said you just tried
to kidnap my daughter mmm the thing that
baffled me them even more he just stood
there said to me do you even say
anything did you move didn't do anything
just the best there and I mean I'm like
you just tried to take my daughter turn
what are you doing nothing so now I'm
standing there I looked at my bond
another man comes running through the
shop grabs him in a bow the most is that
people slamming body doesn't do anything
about it
I'm shouting this man telling me telling
him he's a toy yeah everyone's carrying
on with their shopping no this is the
thing that I'm trying to get people to
realize that we need to stick together
into these situations we all need to
educate on child abductions mmm I'm chod
crimes so we are aware for other
people's children I'm just trying to put
myself in that situation even as a boy
and a girl go apprehend that or what you
must have been going through and
obviously the whole reaction side and
stuff to it people can't see you on this
podcast you're a big guy you know a guy
they're gonna rob something from like
I'm being honest I would go tea yeah
it'd be intimidating for me so you just
prove she's come out absolutely proved
to me they're willing to do this no
matter what I mean this is at 1:00 p.m.
in the middle of the down I'm doing my
shopping you know I mean the taunting
you least expect under the times when
they're gonna try and strike because we
are get so complacent
day to day lives we're gonna do my
shopping my kids this it was a vigilant
there and I'll sometimes done stuff I
don't know it's a bit of driving
something you drive something you know
driving yeah of course do you know your
daughter pilots subconsciously yes the
scary thing is especially my mom ponder
kind of beat yourself up for a because
she for a long time she couldn't deal
with cuz she knows and even or no and I
could say she day she would have been
gone if I was in there yeah come on
partner didn't see nothing she's very
believers in their own world she she
wouldn't think there's someone trying to
take a dog especially so close to home
but this is the thing we're gonna make
people realize it does not matter where
you are in this country next country is
happening people do these things and
it's scary that people know people don't
know anything about what happens we see
the films that's how you 2018 last year
was I speak like people don't know there
was 1189 actions with almost a hundred
thousand attempted a child yeah
Manchester being in this country
Birmingham's third these every years
they're very high and people don't know
anything about it yeah I mean I was a
social worker in my last life yeah I
went back to uni and looking after
George was always kind of a my dad I
want you to be the best social worker
for children yeah wonderful children our
hopes and feel your passion in here
obviously you just can't do something
else that's crazy
so did the police did you get the piece
about what yeah obviously I'll gone in
to speak to them I'm in the shop so I'll
talk to the manager I said listen I need
the CCTV the finish of the story I've
actually ran out to the shop I've got my
kids got something and they was they was
standing in the middle of the car park
they were just basically and I'll run up
to them again just to say listen you've
tried to take my daughter the police and
because I'm stealing that much shock he
played in my mind he tricked me he was
like no no
I didn't take your daughter and I'm just
like he's not my wife is in the shop
she's got a full trolley she's waiting
in the queue okay let's go back in so
I've locked the door but other kids I
said I'll be back in a second so
obviously as I've said that about Deb
walked off quite quickly so I walked
back into the shop they did have a woman
with him but they had no shopping all
right so that as I've gone in them three
are running out the shelf so this is the
thing we need to reload they're working
in groups and we can't judge the fuck
the male or female a comedy with a
female and two groups to try and track a
child obviously though maternity think
that woman has with children they doing
anyone would do it but yeah of course
your point he was just scared to know
that a woman would be in that group as
well so this is the thing that I'm
trying to but try to have one that not
just for our kids for other people of
course as you said we see things how we
think we would do it other way oh we
gotta realize everyone is different I
mean I already grabbed it do you know
all these kind of crazy but you don't
know well okay
so thank God no of course all of that
from that what was your process then so
then I went to the manager
as for the CCTV footage he said there's
a code they have to get from the head
office the police the police I said okay
we're gonna go down and get the head and
get the code we'll get the CCTV footage
because all I wanted to get that those
faces out to the public so they know
what they look like and they can be
aware from it you know what I blame the
police for a while because I kept going
obviously every weekend to do my food
shopping you do kept telling me the
police I'm pinned down you the police
station again I said what's going on was
when we bend down and we said we have we
sent police down there okay what's
happening this is the way for the code
I've gone down to little again I said
they come to get the code it was like no
no no one's come down yet and I'm like
okay what's this quite strange
after three weeks gunned down again
anyone in all come to get the code No
come down yet four weeks have gone the
CCTV footage has rewritten gun this is
the thing I've gonna made my social
media I make videos about the police
saying calm believe what they've done to
me then they let me down those foul but
this system was fine filed by the police
well I wasn't the police went down three
times little failed me right they kept
lying to the police telling them that
the code haven't come down yet
the code don't come down yet yes of
course it is so they let me down they
completely let me down they didn't get
the code when they never attempted to
get the code in the first place which
was their heartbreaking comment which
you know it was all never those faces
you mean you know I never thought for
that was gonna happen I never knew this
would be the outcome of my daughter
Thomas being taken from me as well so
throughout life things are gonna happen
we're all gonna go straight faced you
going to go through stuff that it's not
fair some stuff is out of our control
you have in that moment day I suppose
and moving forward of course two ways
you can either take it or you can take
those actions when you're in control
yourself control you change the world so
could you explain a little bit more
about this net so we know it's called
Charles Seife yes it's based on the
story that obviously you went through
that horrific moment there's so firstly
I opened up a social media page so how
do I reach the people these days it was
all social media so my way to reach
people with social media
told my story which I think are 10 to 15
thousand views share it compared to my
videos now I'm not yeah of course
suppose I mean how many ever got so many
views on it and that's what then enticed
everyone else to follow me what I was
doing so what can I do to challenge it
firstly I just like okay I walk around
supermarkets are warriors shops you
gotta move it here you get to Birmingham
when you see signs everywhere saying
criminals in action watch your cars
thieves here did nowhere is that a sign
telling you that child abductors are
nowhere is someone that someone may take
your kid I know that people might not
want to see that unfortunately this is
the life we live in people need to be
aware I mean I would let my daughter a
world did let more daughters run around
the shops let him do what they want you
know me no one's gonna tell my kid but
that's not the way life is now so sad
ya know I'm even going back to when I
was young doors are open in the houses
cause it was a community yeah I think it
is a problem and I'm guilty of this
myself I'm sure listeners can resonate
with this is like even now I mean I've
got lovely neighbors on both sides your
house because its head down I'm getting
on with my life course and Tokyo yes
pose because but the thing is you say we
haven't got time but stuff like this we
need to make it non negotiable on
Jupiter and we have okay
bring it sorry sorry trucks yes okay so
from there obviously I've got these
posters and I'm like I need to get
someone designed
I've never done anything - where do I go
some was like the graphic designer I'm
like okay I'll go speak to so that is
only he doesn't mean oh I have this
image in my head and what my design
looks like and then can you do me a
poster poster for me and I'm like oh my
god this is amazing
so I'll get thousands of posters printed
I'm using all of my own money I'm better
than everything I possibly can into this
and then on this social media page I'm
telling everyone who was a help who was
a help me
message of the message after message and
I'm like what the hell I didn't
understand I didn't realize this is
gonna I'm not okay I'm gonna I'm gonna
have to take the you count by myself I'm
like this but I hate I mean I've had now
3,000 followers among them to free fast
follows I'm a group and my page I've got
900 almost hitting the thousand I'm my
page and I'm just like messages some
parents telling me what an inspiration I
am teenagers telling worried about
asking me for four posters saying I want
to help I want to get your posters out
there I want to put them in the shops I
want to post your fly for the door and
I'm like I wanted to make a difference
where I'm noticing that everyone else
wants to make it fits as well at least
yeah so I spend the first few months
ending posters here Thursday and I'm
like I'll totally get in around in this
area by the hillstar which everyone I'm
looking it's up in Yorkshire sucked down
south it's it and so from there know
what do I do next
first we need to raise the awareness so
that's the main thing we need to do
because people don't know what's
happening so the main thing to me was to
raise the awareness to everyone
mmm-hmm well and I'm like this is good
it was not good enough no where do I go
from here
you know what I went to met this man
called Oliver he messaged me and said
can I meet up we are because I love what
you're doing up and he was an amazing
man he's been for a lot of things as
well our kids he's weren't in prisons
and his scene is but with people and he
seen so much of his stuff and he
educated me and so much it gave me this
knowledge I'm not okay
education that's where I'm going
education so that's where I got to start
and that's why I'm gonna finish we need
to educate the country and educate our
children on the dangers because ease the
children a this is happening to so
children don't know what's happening hmm
and as parent you know we do as well
even if you tell you know what I'll tell
my daughter things she won't listen
school she's like the best pupil because
I thought I'm an authority figure tell
them something they were listen and
learn
so I need to get into the schools
designed with the kids because the kids
are on the games and there was over a
hundred children you know they have no
idea about after doing research if you
want you're gonna win this country of
course but it's just like no one's here
police like after getting them up on a
loved it because they said we used to go
to the schools and do the stranger
dangers and things I mean yeah yeah but
we don't Lisa V Cohn anymore
you ain't got no police we can't send
them down you guys we need the police in
the streets and because of what's
happened in our stabbings or the thefts
child abductions or child cards have
been pushed to the back you know I mean
be this it's absolutely we need to make
sure it's gonna be safe for now so I'm
gonna dust the plant
but that's just the beginning of course
so with the school I'm not okay I'm
gonna go to my doors prime school I
can't go down so promise don't say
listen this is what happens when you get
this is the tips and you need to know so
I had a bear designed cord captain
Charlton okay so how can I get two kids
what do I do monkeys to teach them are
read books to them every single night
and you know what they're nuts sometimes
they love this in their favorite but
they even recite them to me as I'm
reading because they beat him so much
I'm like I'm gonna make books I'm gonna
write books at the moment for books
books the first one I've just sent off
for editing he's come back and it's
amazing I love it
which is based on a true story called
the supermarket okay so the first story
each story will educate the children as
well as be fun which will also educate
the parents because we need to educate
the parents as well because parents
don't know this parents understand
what's happening so we say to the
parents the kids can't stay next to me
so I mean I'll where's he gone book we
don't but there's no sense of panic when
they have gone always probably in the
other oil so for me to then show that
message that in the supermarkets with
he's capturing child safe so he's the
hero you know say Whitney got Sly Fox
he's the one in every situation we'll
try and take the job so in each
situation in each book there's always a
happy ending right always a happy ending
but in happy so that's how I'm targeting
the younger age is to to a to the other
so through story and because the thing
is also okay I'll do a program for the
kids at the primary school what kids
forget within 10 seconds before going to
mention span as well but somebody
speaking of course of course
so if I went into a smaller I teaching
them I'll go in there once I'm not gonna
go in everyday online so don't forget as
soon as they've forgotten I sit inside
their head so if we do it for a story
it's gonna be read to them time and time
and time again and being Brennan to
their brain and they know as they grow
up
no calm run off in the shop because if I
wanna finish shut the slyfox mind
getting out that's what I'm trying to do
and feed into their brain
Wow I mean like you said when you
started this you had no idea no idea
which way to go goes the books your
North in our liver said this is
fascinating so you you were talking
about raising awareness then you've got
a fantastic Facebook page and all this
stuff will be in the show notes and I'll
share it as much as I possibly can as
well okay everyone's life's busy course
we're gonna hear this it's gonna touch
more people as hearts but some people
are gonna touch them for a bit and then
they're gonna get on with their lives
yeah of course if they could just do one
thing that's very very quick that would
just help your message whether it's like
is it as simple as just sharing your
video or these leaflets here you've got
available put in one of those oh this
I'll have my leaflets these days I'll
pay for our print they're all free if
anyone wants posters they're more than
welcome to us they all have to do is
drop a message to my page I will then
deliver send it but yet the Flyers and
the posters are free I've had caustic
has done as well which these are sold
and my website is gonna be finished just
called child safe okay they're stickers
I have t-shirts made it's Ruby sorry
right on the page as well where all the
money that I'll music space or my own
money or the world I've worked for and
any profit made it all goes into the
chalk on to the police there's something
called active citizens fund okay and I'm
waiting for the approval of it approval
of it because I can't go into the
school's intended I can't go to those
kids and be like yeah as soon as they
listen they need something to read to
take the information they need the tips
so they concert can keep reading oh and
also show the parents because there's
tips and there for parents of what they
can and can't doing or should or
shouldn't do even to let them children
be safe yeah and stuff you were getting
early and I'm like I I get that because
I'm sitting here now midway through this
and I just want to help you like yeah
I'm gonna help you right now
each and Brian this will probably come
in I don't know a month's time for weeks
time because of the schedule bumbler
this needs to be out there now so up
until that time
offline after this I want you to speak
to me as well and let me know of course
I've got a couple of friends in the
printing industry as well okay and even
if it is quite a few favors can you just
do the first thousand free listen this
is going to stuff that's going to change
this world the world hundred percent you
don't mean and it's most people are
gonna have children in their lives or no
children of course find of children to
make sure that there was no why even not
the people just with children people
that don't have children need to know
that so they they are aware as well so
when they see someone talking to a child
and they and the child is acting in the
certain behavior that don't look right
they can step in and say excuse me
little one you okay is this your dad is
this your mom I mean so they need to be
aware of this is for everyone it ain't
just at first I generally thought used
to the parent and I'm like you know what
the best one that happened to me this
girl I want to be waiting just cuz I
finally realize what I gotta do if
you're like okay this is just this is my
mission
this is that's my mom this isn't our
mission so this is I'm just doing what
I'm supposed to be doing so this was
built message me tell me one inspiration
a man that and I'm like okay well thank
you flyer
she's messaged me again and I said she
just put thank you so much again for
doing what you doing you helped me save
a life what do you mean I helped you
save a lot she goes I was in memory Hill
didn't shopping because I've seen a
little boy were in on the shop and he's
running down there and there's no
parents and she said all of a sudden
man's grabbed his hand and she said
she's lucky that she's run over to this
bone and said this dust on your son is
it she he's let go I'm enough so she's
obviously she said because of what
you've done
yeah you've educated me to be vigilant
and I've saved the boy's life and moms
come were in that shock come here my son
she's like some manhood and I'm like oh
that was the maddest even that was like
I'm tingling that was the best feeling
Donna my message is gonna buzz it isten
it's working that girl is now saved
another kids
we almost need everyone to know nobody
so everyone's singing from the same hymn
sheer supposed because there is a
tendency are suppose even we're not
we're not gonna have for example and you
see tail up without us and you see like
somebody may have been a bit like overly
aggressive speaking to his wife you know
Pyrus and suppose you know should I jump
yeah should I know it's always that kind
of know your limits know your boundaries
last thing you want to do is go in and
then even she turns around he's like
what are you doing I mean no couples all
you don't yeah anyway we need to jump in
not justify just to stop and profess if
you're not jumping into joining the
five-year someone because you've hurt
him what's the point you're just doing
this bad as that privacy really don't
make money to join in just to stop
before explain this and you guys explain
this like the best I suppose
intervention methods for the phobia
percent I figure of someone who's
probably gonna be anxious to do that
although we need to do it yes I've said
because I had so many messages
mmm-hmm when fortunately I reacted in
the perfect way of what government my
kids and everyone else should do that as
well especially if it's someone else
doesn't matter if it is that or is mom
and you think they're acting the way of
just grab that child's hand and ask if
they're okay and you're not do nothing
bad it's so many people telling me so
why didn't you beat him up and you know
what I didn't know there was a group I
first turned to me there was one man so
if I've jumped on this Mannie my doors
are never seen that go my children are
now panicking I'm on top of this man
beating this man oh all of a sudden I
look up there my children are gone
because the other two in the group of
tank in them
we can't this again how it's almost like
you actually reacted in the yeah it's
fortunately that's not me not
fortunately I acted in the perfect way
and grab much
Oh No maybe he was the decoy to get me
together you see I think it's plenty of
videos where there's somebody who I seen
one the other day sorry I'm going a bit
yeah
there's a piece of delivery driver on a
motorbike you know the guys robbed the
pizza from the back of the day okay and
as he's run off the guys that my pizza
he's gonna deliver it so he's chased him
to the door of someone's run on his bike
yes but it's a similar kind of quality
because they saw suppose house Wow did
they use our brains again so it's in
it's in our interest to act 100% the way
you act you children your children is
your first priority in life no matter
what you were the first thing scrubber
Jose Cuban said don't need don't worry
about Emma don't worry don't grassy
don't jump on him it's if you have your
partner with them or someone else get
your pond it's a cup of kids and they
detain that map you know mean see this
is arrest that man
that's it you don't you don't wanna stop
being an absolute yeah the fault of
someone taking your child is that part
breaking you will go too far you may
kill that man and then you're still not
going to see your child anyway okay
fantastic
I could just speak about this for like a
whole day I'm conscious that the show is
it in its own yeah of course and so I
want to kind of find out more stuff
about you yeah a little bit
I'm just it's fascinating it takes a
certain type of human being to do this
like I said I'm in my social life I said
a lot of people or moms from like a
nursing background I always thought
those kind of people with that nature
that caring nature the world needs more
of it and of course they need more
support so if I could support you after
this podcast I'll do that thank you so
some of these questions now this is more
interested I always think it's
fascinating when I when I when I sit
with people at yourselves you've got
such an amazing story so I think routine
and daily habits are where we are in
life for example so I look at successful
people like okay he's doing this I'm
gonna just take this from his daily
honey I can explain from the moment you
wake up to the moment you sleep how is a
day that it's all routine I've got a
working with you you know what
I see most times in my life I never
worked in routine and you don't your
body is a machine your body is a
computer whether you like it or now you
need to realize that your body in your
brain it all works
on repetition so if you do something
your body knows the next day it's gonna
do the same thing so and even to our
motion because I've still never planned
out course we don't happen so I have the
keys marketed before I leave the house
just in case anything does happen to me
so that's what I do and then I get up
I'm on a routine time I'll just try my
so then so I've got my routine food
clothes give some love to my dog to work
[Music]
this is me hundred percent so I'm gonna
go to work come back home spend some
time with children you know what you all
get so focused and forget a lot of
things sometimes and sometimes we forget
our children and you know I'm she was
doing 70 80 hours a week
so we just spent fun it's on soon as Tom
goes sammartino go to the gym in the
morning I tell my kids to school when
I'm saying it seem normal because I'm
doing the key thing is I just wanna
stare is you've got the routine cause
this is so important because plan plan
plan plan plan like I did before mrs. I
never planned anything Moloch was all
over the place watch your reactive
impulse on the moment live for the day
that's all it's one of the things so
when I gave up my job I had to get
routine in place
I'm scatterbrain yeah everyone knows
that regimented from the moment I wake
up similar to yourself Anderson even
stuff like I have to have a liter and a
half of water so nutritious in
everything is so regimented of course
but you get so much more done because
because I've got no time I guarantee
you've got you probably said no but it's
amazing stuff you're doing now you've
got three doors as well yeah you're
doing all this amazing stuff you're
working out as well
I know you're in competition prep it's
tough I know what it goes through mentee
to use that that way in everything so
this Lodge we live in this live from
when people are going free
just doing the easiest things possible
just to get through the day no mean
there maybe you go to the pub have a
drink of a laugh or no but this love you
got a challenge yourself man every
single day is supposed to be a challenge
I mean if you ain't challenge yourself
or fluff about no mean cannot do that
lets covergirl let's do it
I'm scared of that let's do the scariest
thing possible man cuz that doli those
things will give you those amazing
feelings no if nothing else will give
you that feeling it's impossible hundred
percent I mean I always say at the
moment your brain tells you should we do
that or no do it do it cause that is
something that you need to do yeah of
course that's where you're talking
yourself know a little bit like we spoke
about just before a stylist podcast the
reason I'm doing this part I have to do
this yeah I have to do this and it's not
about me and I keep saying this this
podcast is nothing to do with me like my
story's not on here but this is about
people like yourself yeah
because even if I get 5 people to listen
to this and to share your story and
think child thing's safe enough I love
that model stuck in my head lookee what
he said it was yeah if we can stop five
people that my job is don't do of course
that's Michael isn't that 5 or 10 said
someone else and then that Forbes or
someone else and then the word passes on
that that's it that's how the world
works it's all gonna do we're gonna
change each other's mindset to make
positive impact you know what happens to
me every day
it's just it's no even downpour this is
a teenagers well I didn't expect the
reaction this is one of them adores
fence follows me on Instagram
no I've seen his post and he was on his
story these poor
named neo gliese girl in my class and
then the only boy in my class and
everyone's going in on it
no what is this boy doing so I have to
message it no I don't know him
personally I saw I saw a young man
that's like we can't judge people we
smell up to us the judge I said you
might affect someone's life really backs
people are putting four names on this
thing I'm a man I said we need to do
someone else we need to change water
make it positive let every wheel I said
people will love you more if you do
something good and tell say who is the
prettiest who is the best of football
who is the funniest and then you know
what I was expecting a little teenager
yes he said to six laughs he deleted it
people who defeats the funniest and he
thinks the face he got so many more
comment soon he had so many people he
was reported look how many more people
commented now because it's a positive
message I send you know yes so that was
a wicked never write anything like that
as a kid because simply we gotta have
that emotional intelligence when
somebody create new almost constructive
criticism AUSA's which is hard to take
as hundred are you going stuff but as
I've dropped my ego as I've grown
through life and personal development
it's easier now 100 would I had that
intelligence Isaac as a kid so if I see
something like I was driving yesterday
do you man see people said really does
no people think that maybe we may have
all bad bad things happen in our lives
and he's supposed to choose how we deal
with them problems and happy happy or we
gonna dwell on it and be set for the
rest of our lives this is what I need to
teach people we need to teach people a
lot of people think they're stuck in the
rock yeah I mean they don't know how to
get out and this is their life now
that's how they'll be with celebrities
this is a message to perform coach edge
we're all in control of our destiny
everyone is in control of it well Easter
day tomorrow in a month we are control
you say you want to go do that so many
time you put the hard work in and it can
get done
there's notice things are possible kids
say I carnate a word in my addiction
yeah yeah you know body get rid of
that's one of the first Birds I got rid
of nano magic screen there told oh man
he's powerful you remind me of myself so
you'll meet my wife one day yeah hope
you have this we hundreds ain't gonna
keep in touch I'm sure died for this
because I I'm one of the most emotional
people like you'll ever see for a guy
yeah I like I've done the whole boxing
scene may I do that all day but you show
me a sad story when I see someone hurt
whether I normal not I I don't know what
what happens to me but I feel they hurt
and you almost want to just say look let
me take that away from you know kind of
thing like we bless we're looking even
better listen people like this yeah we
have such big hearts and we came here
have that emotion to give to everyone
else so I used to so I'm gonna
front-engine here I just have this thing
where a leopard doesn't change this bus
and all we believe people could have
changed and I've interview some
fascinating people are gonna cook on
here and they've changed their life as
well yeah so I've almost changed my own
beliefs to sort of think everyone's good
but we sometimes make bad decisions yeah
of course we do and I think if we can
try and like you said chain that
perception get everyone thinking
positively doing good things will it
come and I used I used to be scared of
saying like I want to change the world
right yeah because it's that you change
the world you just don't just a normal
guy whatever I'm like okay I want to
change the world I can't do by myself
it's a bit like you say you don't know
how you're gonna get there but you just
take one step on it I'm gonna get there
this is the thing that you don't do
though
this is why I attempted to do I wanted
to know I wanted my boy I did and I'm
like
completely burned myself out and I was
like I even doubted myself there is too
much
I mean in my Eskimo convict's a picture
of my kids there is I was in the paper
recently there's an established news of
pictures the article to remind me of
that day you can even use the analogy so
I always talk about how to finish
because it's a part of me you want to
get to where you want to get to on your
date so one thing always trying to do
with people is I wanted to get involved
in the gym or some sort of activity
because that's the transferable skill
when you master it you can take it into
anywhere it can
the next question is about adversity so
if you could think of a time where
you've been through adversity you've
come over it you know more versity my
luck was you know I gave my love to so
many people for one more friend and it
was the hardest seems to be for me to do
okay so much love and I generally fought
my friend on me back my life and then I
remember sitting down watching Bobby
Kahn you did a little casting session he
was like we need to figure out why you
love the people that don't love you back
and we know you know I never really
figured it out till you Vince it up
until now and the main thing I had to do
because there were bad people I didn't
understand why doing do things like I
would call my friends daily ask
like they'd go for trial tribulation so
I thought I'll be there
I mean I know we're doing the stuff that
you would have done for this yeah course
but I generally thought that's what
friendship is yeah you know I mean but a
lot of people see friendship as is he
got something for me
and you know what broke my heart man
remember cry my eyes out dedicated to
him and never got it back no and then I
grew and then I met some other people
I'm not are these clothes cool and i'm
adjoining with these and then the same
thing happened again man I'm like I
blamed me I mean I'm like this is
something wrong with me when I'm on
doing what about done this must be
something wrong till I met my partner
then we got kids they love me yeah must
have never done anything wrong like I've
done bad things I never do Bettis to
people don't know I've always had
people's backs and I never understood
Brian and you know what people want to
be my friend or he would talk to me and
need help I'll never stop change it's
not can't change that's this theme I'm
never gonna stop changing but I've
learned to never expect it back that's
my wife sister is something about these
at home I'm not gonna call the system
their expectations and that's the
problem so when you come from a good
heart in everything you do you expect
the person to reciprocate that in the
same way as yourself only did it cause
and it doesn't weather and I learned
this in solar even in the property game
or I've had people reach out and I
always take it on face value I'm like
I've got no reason not to trust you so I
trust you straight away yeah
so when they telling me all this amazing
fun right this is fantastic then all of
a sudden there's a hidden little oh is
that one yeah then I used to start
thinking is that the reason that you're
you're nice to me for you
after all this time and I'm here like
willing to do anything for you I suppose
people sit as a weakness oh yeah so that
yet people could see as weakness by
Pegasus strength days so powerful what
you're gonna go on and do yeah and I
think as you go through this like you
mentioned a guy earlier Oliver for
example yes
you're gonna meet Oliver's in the world
gym right he was the first same user
John who's the first person a person oh
wow these people don't know what's going
on this is what I want yeah I wanna you
are an influencer of the people you
around yeah of course you you when you
start spreading this you're only gonna
trap genuine people yeah because I'm
gonna become a millionaire supporting
this but I'm gonna change ahead of a lot
of lives do and if that's somebody's
true purpose lie like it is mine yeah
we're gonna back this season mean this
is amazing I mean not the fact that I
got 3,000 followers in what's it's
October November 3 to two months it's
just two months man and I'm like that
many people want to make a difference as
well this is like changing my timezone
by a thousand a million because that
many people actually want to do it we
just need to get it in their eyes get
them seen this it's not I didn't even
attack a lot of work doesn't take a lot
whatsoever all it takes is that little
pin on the board this podcast yeah and
even it's just them viewing it they are
building the knowledge we're not even
knowing they're getting the knowledge
just by watching the videos I don't know
there's I mean I just think it's another
social media page okay cuz I've there's
so many social media pages and I see so
many videos but we tend to get enticed
in this board into the funny video when
it comes to the serious things people
try to forget about it don't want to see
the serious book they have to is you
can't forget I know what your answer is
to the next question right and it is
what is your biggest fear you touched on
it basically idea I know anything
opportunity kids before I had kids a
little bit stank's
in sports I was the best in the Midlands
and even now like you know I guess I
felt like a failure to my family as well
I still I believed I was gonna change
the family my family's lives I still
believe that now there's no I'm still
going to so that feeling never went
without failure okay okay so next
question I think you've kind of answered
it again it's kind of just about
motivation song yeah what motivates you
you know I'm still human this is the
thing we've got to remember that we are
still homeless okay so on the days where
you don't feel like getting out of bed
and doing the stuff what we mud Smokies
everyone says that's something
you know before I was my kids was to be
the best so if I didn't get up in the
morning and go do that run someone else
again up in the morning doing that run
and then he's gonna be better than me so
I don't want to be that loser so mean
sob I'm doing it soon as I'm like a cake
you know now someone's going to sleep so
let them sleep I'm gonna do some more
work
yeah I mean that's how that's what I was
my motivation to be the best I mean its
challenges and those sort of things
even other people mana motivate me we
have to learn more about ourselves well
known as why we might abandon ourselves
because we want to do this we want to
get this far even if it's the motivation
to work hard cause you want to go buy a
new car
I mean for some people that's they think
yeah cool it's not necessary my there's
nothing wrong with that or I do what you
do so I do this thing right and if
somebody doesn't understand all going
through a person development States
gonna think I'm crazy but I do this
thing so I'll go to the gym for example
not Sam do cardio I hate cardio is
because I then start talk to myself who
else is doing this at this time
that's only I'm doing it I hate it but
I'm doing it and I kind of like almost
stop digging myself up yeah yeah what
happens you start feeling more confident
powerful and then it's like then I'll go
in for like a gym workout and the lay
down but nobody else is doing this
while I'm working 16 hours a day what
I'm trying to do this one time and it's
that self-talk and I suppose the reason
we're doing so much done is because a
lot of my life I was talking to myself
the way the negative people had spoken
to me you know you're shy you're anxious
you're this you're that and he was
always those kind of stories those
telling me now it's like the story I
tell myself is the story I wanted Thomas
yeah that's gonna bring me out into the
world in new ways it yeah so so do
people don't be scared
this is a thing don't be scared if that
bus is bigger than you or the challenge
is bigger than you you guys think okay
then let's tackle this i'ma take you
down so now we're at the fun part of
show so we're gonna start in three two
one
the ability to fly or be invisible fly
when your fame Netflix our youtube never
Coke or Pepsi Pepsi would you rather not
how you would die or wake you without
love or money no books or movies movie
sit with one person in the world who
would it be
what is your biggest addiction to win
summer or winter winter your favorite
place in the world
speak all languages will be able to
speak to animals in the world what would
it be you favor some Emma voice the man
in the read minds or forget the teacher
God have you ever been in a fight okay
cool so the next one's about reflection
so I believe that how it's a wonderful
thing because as we've spoken about
already yes so you can always think of
ways to get there quicker easier with
less heartache I suppose but the journey
teaches us a lot of course it does I
think the process is so important so if
you knew what you knew now unless say
you could go back to say before your
degree for example yeah and you could
whisper something knowing everything you
know now to that to most at 17 for
example what would you say you know what
it's probably tell him it's gonna be
okay it's you're still alive it's
because you know what when you go
through the trials or tribulations in
your life those things feel like they
last forever don't you just like yeah
like a week from then and what's on the
menu here from then that won't even
matter now this all was I wish I could
tell could've talked as I dwell too much
on the bad that was happening in my life
and whenever someone made a mistake
every time someone bad happened to me
I'm not boys happening to me again what
am I gonna do and if I could've just
Thomson don't worry about it yeah don't
dwell on it
it's okay it's a case no I tell myself
this all the time now through everything
like we are so lucky to be where we are
in this world are you still alive Korso
so if you're in that situation and it's
that hard but you still know there's
nothing than someone no one can take
that away any long as you know no one
can take that away from you know me so I
wish I could have told myself that Wow
okay last question okay okay so the last
question I always ask my guess is if in
150 years time science doesn't save us
right and we're no longer here and
there's a book on the table now and I'm
gonna
and a little bit to this crystal as well
so there's a book on the table in it's
about your life right so what I want to
know is in any order you want firstly
what is the title of the of the book and
if we turn it on the back you know
you've got blueberry there what will
that tell us about you okay the book
called the world I think it'd be that
will be I've always wanted to change the
world
and like you see so much bad happening
there's no way I'm gonna go from bridges
and I'm gonna come over and there's
gonna be everything that's good this
things are gonna tackle me these people
that may even go against me no I think
now sometimes I would have to save
children's lives here but there's still
gonna be people out there I never
thought I'd have one person at all so -
and the one I did I'm like yeah of
course in them do something positive is
exactly what he went on I'm trying to be
nice and said back into this and that
wasn't Denise yourself I'm referencing
what I've got it from unrest he's doing
a quick Google search he got the first
thing they said look at this no no no it
goes deeper than that and then then I
actually said to him in the end I said
you got so much energy because look how
much I said use that good that energy
you got tackle it someone new and tell
someone about what I'm doing that's the
last thing to do everyone a message it's
not just about giving the people the
message that want to listen yeah yeah
some people will find it at the wrong
time but it's in the beginning yeah
everyone's journey is different of
course the information is there you
maybe you just keep you've done your job
there long as you've told all those
people always gonna come like I said
when I release this podcast bless
everyone frame even reviews it I've got
something like 65
like five-star reviews right you know I
look
I was overwhelmed but because it's not
again like I said like I said to you
before this is about touching the people
out there and getting people stories
heard and I send a 3-star like in there
just randomly no comment nothing I'm a
Bravo message me actually I'd be upset
but I know the way the world really
somebody's got the energy there probably
has a listen to an episode I understand
that person's stories you know what
what's he doing it on Facebook three
stone because it is the way the room my
mission is one person finds this and it
changes a life that's going to ripple
effect yeah there's always gonna be
people trying to bring you down no
matter what you're doing in lot just
take their energy and then use it to the
positive and then we're gonna do more
with it you know bring you down just
buddy that's the end of the show young
man oh what a pleasure what an absolute
pleasure but just before we leave yeah
I'm gonna put everything in the show
notes or all the links and everything to
Charles Seife to yourself to your
personal page if you don't mind course
of course hopefully we get you like
thousand friends after this new people
if you could just tell us the best
places that we could reach you or
normally ask my guest to give one yeah
but because I'm literally this is touch
my heart yeah Facebook and my social
media pages child safe so got the both
group and the page controls medical
choices yes child safe there are other
links on their choice at UK they're all
different ones but what you're looking
for is an orange circle we're the child
safe wound across the middle with like
cube right in pink blue so that's what
your that's the symbol you're looking
for so I'm my group and on my page so
people on my group opposite the group
you can hit a wide you can hit
everywhere on pages on our people you
can it's on the group the group yes
that's the public because with your page
your page can only hit the people that
Facebook to try and get it out because
it doesn't always show of course so cuz
yeah
I'm a group do I put butt off do bi do
both but the group mainly I'll put
everything on the group and put it on
the page okay like just to make sure
because there's some people on the page
Instagram child-safe one chance everyone
mistook child-safe but you know what
this is the thing like when I started
doing this you gotta realize there's so
many people out there doing it not doing
the way I'm doing it there's so many
people that have different platforms as
people go out there like justice for
children hunters for children they're
all out there they're doing an amazing
job of capturing all these online so
props all of you they're doing an
amazing job there so and there's people
out there do not block my page raising
the awareness but no one's doing what
I'm doing this is what I believe I'm
doing on there on Wednesday next week my
website we've finished where there'll be
tips and how-to on child abductions in
the streets and these tips of what to do
and helplines what to call on your
online Grumman's things you need to look
out for know situations and online
gaming clothes we got all the kids
online game at the moment every day
online so we need to be aware of this
and what to do and what they're doing
you know I mean you put I've put my mind
in there I'm thinking what would I do
and the things I've found out how they
do it you know so you can then be aware
of the things they're doing so Charles
Seife online code at UK and there will
be my t-shirts or sounds people want to
buy any more t-shirts also more cost
because they're one pound fifty each so
those are the pages now have okay so all
that stuff will be in the show notes
and as always people thanks for
listening and remember this podcast is
absolutely free so all we ask in return
is for you to share this with a friend
and drop us a five star review over on
iTunes have an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 6 - Stay strong by Hezron Brown #6
Tagline: "The impact I was making & seeing was unreal. To see their face and actually light up and think Hope!"
Find your voice - Episode 6
Hezron Brown, has been in the papers for his incredible story. As a child he was tragically burned in hot water which has left him scarred for life. His life then continued to spiral into a life of drugs and crime.
Somewhere along his journey however the idea of belonging and hope kicked in. Hezron self belief, which he accustoms his now success too is a key factor in him finding his true purpose. Hezron is now inspiring the youth who need to hear the message and realise that there is hope for them irrespective of the cards they have been dealt as kids.
There is more to a life of death or jail.
There are more opportunities if we remain commited to succeed rather than just having a slight interest.
It's a remarkable story of seeing some change, something I was always skeptical about.
Thanks for listening
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
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Links to guest:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hezron_Brown
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hezronbrown/
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and this is a classic this
is somebody who I actually reached out
to I'd say about six months ago and it
was following a news article that I sin
that they were mentioned in now they
were mentioned in this news article for
how they turn their life around and
that's kind of the stories I really love
to hear but I need to make sure that the
listeners ie yourselves you're gonna get
something tangible from this and you're
gonna get some life lessons and let me
tell you you're certainly gonna get some
life lessons now maybe many of us can't
relate to the way that this person was
brought up or some of the stuff that he
did and I think he's held his hands open
he said I've made a lot of stupid
mistakes but more importantly than that
if you listen to his story there's a few
moments and we touched on it halfway
through the interview where he was
getting signs he was getting
opportunities he was getting people
coming into his life giving him the
chance to potentially turn it around and
I thought that was a really important
part of the story because I think even
ourselves in life we sometimes get
opportunities but because we're so
blinkered or a mindset isn't thinking
the right way or our perception isn't
right we sometimes miss these
opportunities and we spoke a little bit
about self belief and confidence and
just having a vision and I think that's
so so important myself for example I
have some crazy visions but what I've
realized is by having these and
expressing them to the world and being
accountable I'm seeing more
opportunities come my way and I'm not
saying these opportunities weren't there
previously but
my thoughts and my processes of how I
would interpret things were different
I just wasn't taking advantage of him so
fair play to this person he's done an
absolutely fantastic job he turned his
life around he was very close to you
almost having no life so I'm very
grateful that he made that step when he
did I'm very grateful that he also took
time to share his story because he's
going places remember his name he will
certainly be I think a household name
very very soon simply because his story
is one that you can't replicate you've
either lived it or you haven't and this
guy has lived it so without further ado
we're gonna jump straight into this
interview with hezron Brown ok people so
thank you for tuning into the show today
and I am honored to have hezron Brown
here with me today so firstly I just
want to thank you for taking time out
even your day today buddy no problem how
you doing today I'm fine thank you very
much how are you I'm very well thank you
I believe you were working as well today
is that right no no well I wasn't
working I was I was more kind of
concentrating on myself okay building up
my self today yeah that's still kind of
working I suppose okay fantastic
um what I want to do is obviously I've
given an introduction
prior to this show about your life and a
little bit about your story but I think
it's important for the listeners to
really understand you and hear it more
from yourself so if you wouldn't mind if
you could just kind of give a whole
backstory go into as much detail as you
want and just really try and let the
audience and myself get to know hezron
Brown yeah that's no problem at all so
for me all kind of started when I was
five years old I he fell in a bath of
boiling hot water and burnt the upper
right hand side of my body so my arm my
chest and my stomach I actually had a
jump run at that time and when I fell in
the water all of my skin had melted over
my jumper and when my mum came up she
ripped my to rip my jumper off out of
panic and because of that she ripped all
my skin off so all this skin that's
actually on the upper right hand side of
my body is actually from my legs I had
various skin grafts I was in hospital
for numerous mumps getting all those
skin grafts to kind of correct correct
obviously what happened oh well at that
time you know when I started going to
primary school
kid's gonna understand why I looked the
way I did and because that reason they
started to call me names started to
bully me
so from there I I I do that's a really
bad anger problem it was something that
I couldn't control okay and I would just
get angry at every single little thing
and he got to the point where it was
just literally out of control to and
from school I was always fighting I was
fighting in school as well and I think
for me the reason why I developed that
temper was because I didn't want anybody
to call me names again I didn't want to
feel weak
again and I kind of said to myself I'm
never gonna let that happen to me again
and because of that my rage and my
temper just kept getting worse and worse
and worse
Wow even though it was affecting me at
school it was affecting me at home as
well and my relationship with my mum you
know my mom was a single parent I'm one
of five children so you know it was
difficult for my mum to actually kind of
deal with what I was bringing home right
and there was times when I was getting
so angry I was throwing my wardrobe down
the stairs punching holes in doors
breaking windows you know like it was
getting out of control
a lot at the time my mum would have to
call the police because I was getting
that enraged that she was scared for my
own safety and she was probably scared
for her own safety as well of course was
this around did you say eleven years old
at this point yeah yeah when I was 11
that's quite a young age isn't it to be
displaying so much anger yeah is it is
this is what I mean like my temper was
just yeah it was it was uncontrollable
and he got to the point where I would
literally black out so I wouldn't even
know what I would actually be doing or
what I was doing until I actually came
back around and it's like the only way I
could come only way out and calm down
was if I punched something not someone
just something right I could just go and
punch a door or punch a wall or you know
punch some glass and immediately my
temper would go immediately
and so yeah it was just it was it was it
was quite bad it was quite bad so I said
like my my home life wasn't that good of
my mom and she kicked me out that time
there's one and I when I lived in one of
my older sister's you know having to
travel to school every single day from
Tamworth because she lived in Tamworth
and having to travel from Tamworth to
worthington every single day I'm the
boss in the morning yeah it was a
difficult time but the relationship that
me and mum had was I would go home
she'll kick me out I'll go back home she
would kick me out again that was that
was always our relationship so a lot at
the time I knew kind of what was gonna
happen when I went back home I knew I
was gonna get kicked out again but
that's where my home was yeah so I
always wanted to go back so that was
getting to the points where a monkey
kicking me out
I was sofa surfing I was going to I was
going to friends houses staying with
them they knew the situation that you
know I was in in knew that I had these
anger problems knew the kind of
relationship that I had with my mom and
yeah like when I was kind of going
through school school was trying to help
me to teach I'm trying to help me as
well for those that knew and you know
they were trying to better me they were
trying to keep that temper out of me
they were putting me through counts
through counseling putting me through
anger management but nothing really
worked nothing really worked and when I
was 13 so my mom kicked me out again I
went and lived with one of my friends
mm-hmm an amazing woman her name is
Devon and she literally just took me off
the street I was homeless and I went to
her house and actually went to her house
to actually see her son okay and after
speaking to me for like a minute she
could see that something was wrong with
me she could see that I was struggling
in some form of way and she invited me
inside she gave me a she gave me a hot
drink and she said to me tell me what's
going on with you right now
so I did I told a lot situation I was in
and like that she took me into her home
she she literally made me part of the
family every time when we was out
she saw someone that she knew she would
tell him that I was her adopted son yeah
it was yes she would she's an amazing
woman she's an amazing woman I lived
with her until I actually finished
school can I just ask so you you find
you Vaughn and God bless her soul she
sounds like a wonderful lady
and you said things were obviously she
was introducing you as part of the
family you felt at home how did how was
your anger at this particular time then
did you find that you were able to
control it or was it still still you
were still getting flares of anger I
actually wasn't getting angry when I was
with her I think it was just jus down to
the respect that I had I would never get
angry with her but maybe if I was like
still go into school I was getting angry
when I was a try but I was never getting
angry around her okay that's because how
I seen it was
I can't disrespect this person this
person has literally took me from off
the street into her own home and I had
just this deep respect for her and her
whole family up until this day you know
I still see her I called her mom my
children call her nan you know her
brothers and sisters I call them uncle
auntie like I see her family as my
family so that respect has never it's
never gone away never gone away so yeah
she took me in and kind of went through
school life they're living at her house
my mom actually found out where I was
now Yvonne that she lives around the
corner from my mom and it took her know
enough two years to actually come round
to the house to come and get me and
Yvonne gave me the choice she said well
you can either go home or you can stay
here and continue to live the life that
you're living but even though I was
there and she took me in I always had
this feeling that I needed to go home
and that that wasn't my home so I took
upon myself to go back home and live
with my mom
mm-hmm two weeks later she kicked me out
again and I was back on the street and I
went and lived with my older sister
sleeping on her floor one of my older of
her sisters and I was sleeping on her
floor she lived in a flat
she had two kids at that time my nephew
and my niece and they kept see seeing me
sleeping on the floor they kept coming
in asking her you know why his uncle
hezron just sleeping on the floor mm-hmm
and I think she got to the point where
she just wanted to you know she just
didn't want them seeing that anymore and
I to be fair I didn't want them seeing
me in that in that position so she came
up to me and she said hezron there's a
neighborhood office at the bottom of her
flat so there was a neighbor laughs at
the bottom of her flat and she asked me
to go in there and just tell him what my
situation was and see what they could
actually do for me so I went down there
and I I spoke to them
I remember when I I stepped through the
door I had six black bags three in each
hand full of clothes and I literally
just collapsed on my knees when I when I
stepped through the door and I just
broke down into tears
because I think it was that realization
of knowing that I actually had nothing
and I had no one around me then was
actually truly supporting me and it's
like I kind of felt like I was a burden
to to my family and I remember this
woman came running up to me and she said
what's wrong what's wrong and I I told
her I said you know I haven't got
nowhere to go Liz there's no one around
me that that can look after me and she
said okay what there's no family or
friends I said no there's there's
there's there's no one around just you
it's just me and she sat me down in the
chair and she said okay well I'm gonna
try and sort something out for you so
she got me a bed and breakfast I stayed
in that bed-and-breakfast for about two
months now I was I just finished school
yeah so I finished my exams I never and
they were left with no we've no grades
like none at all and at this point when
I was staying in that bed-and-breakfast
now through that time I was happy to saw
some money on my own food hmm all the
things that I needed to live on yeah
absolutely because because I was so
young the so I went to the Jobcentre and
they they said to me are there's
actually there's actually they don't
didn't know how they could help me
because I was so young of course and it
took them quite a while
for him to actually give me some money
so I actually ended up going on to
income support okay and kind of their
dead back dated me but throughout that
whole time I was trying to find ways to
support myself and it was quite hard
even down to college education
no college wanted to accept me because I
never had no grades I actually wanted to
do IT that was something that I was
passionate about at that time and they
they said to me because you haven't got
any grades there's there's no real way
that you can start an IT course because
of the the level of entry that you
needed I eventually found a college that
would accept me it was Matthew Boulton
college and they were saying and they
said to me okay cool like we can't put
you on an IT course straight away mm-hmm
but if you do this course in this course
that you make up the grades that you
need to get in onto the IT course I said
okay like for me it was just anything
like anything just something to occupy
my mind something to take my mind off
what I was going through at that time
the counts would have found me a
accommodation as well it found me a
temporary but a nation in Hockley so I
was like okay like you know things were
kind of exciting to look back up job
centered they put me on the income
support so I was starting to get money
in I found education I've got my own
place so at that time I thought that
everything was going great everything
was going in the right in the right kind
of order and when I was at college
that's when things started to get a bit
kind of like off-track right I will you
know skip lessons I was being in the
common room all the time trying to hang
out with friends I had met loads of new
people that you know I didn't know
before and then that started to
obviously play an impact on my education
hmm I finished out my first year it was
a two-year course I was on I've done
other media and photography and I've
completed my first year went onto
another course with media photography
which was a two-year long course and on
the first day I started I had an
argument with my tutor over a can of
coke and again I lost my ten
was there swearing I was punching things
and the the head of the college was
actually walking down the path at the
time I was actually losing my temper
worst timing ever the worst time in ever
and they phone security security came
upstairs got me and escorted me out of
the college so at this point now I've
got my own place money's coming in but
I've got no education and I'm kind of
just dusting around doing nothing and
then that's when things started
spiraling out of control
I started you know going to parties I
started hanging around with people that
I shouldn't hang around with they spied
influencing me and even though I knew
what I was doing was wrong like there
was no one really around me to say to me
hezron stop doing that or hezron don't
do that we'll show you a better way I
suppose well show me a better way
exactly yes that's exactly it showed me
a better way hmm
so I just continued to stay on the path
that I was on I started doing a lot of
foolish things I was you know committing
robberies I was walking around with
weapons I was I was doing a lot of silly
things okay and when I was doing these
things I kind of I know kind of had no
remorse like I was just like again I was
just doing it to survive you know I was
standing drugs as well and I was just
doing it to survive I was doing it to
try and make money um and again as you
said there was no one really around me
to to push me away from it and put me on
a better path can I just jump in there
just quickly I mean I've got sort of got
so many questions cause it's such a
fascinating story
your relationship with Yvonne now has
that completely broken down at this
stage or is it or is it a matter of you
feel you can't go back there now oh no
no no Yvonne
she's as I said like she's still a
mother figure to me okay so she wasn't
she was always still there oh yeah yeah
she she was always still there but again
it kind of felt like to me like I
couldn't go back there does that make
sense yeah absolutely and at this stage
was you was you taking accountability
for anything or was it just you know the
world's just doubt you shit cards and
your
carry on do what you need to do to get
by that's exactly it the world was
dealing me this hand that I didn't
really you know um you didn't ask for it
but you've got it and I've got it and
and I'm just rolling with it
and that's just kind of what he got to
he got to the point where I was just
rolling with it and as you said like for
me my temper my temper has always got me
into bad situations like Mitchell II
like even till now even up until this
point like my temper has always got me
into situations and I know it's because
of my temper and there's so many things
that you know I try and do to try and
help me deal with my temper but when it
comes up
I can't explain to you I literally just
have no control I literally have no
control and it's only when people see me
angry that they go WOW like you've
actually got a really bad temper and
it's hurtful really it's hurtful to hear
that to hear that you've got this thing
that you can't control and even though
you do so much things to try and control
it you can't and it's hard and
especially when you know that this thing
is getting you into trouble it's ruining
relationships it's ruining opportunities
it's not serving you it's not certainly
any it's not so many purpose but you
know what I say that and so it's a it's
a tricky thing because times when you
know I was when I nearly got kidnapped
it was my anger that kept me alive being
able to fend for myself being able to
fight back that's what that's what kept
me alive and so as much as I kind of
hate my temper I also love it because
I'm able to protect myself in a way that
someone else can't protect me well that
makes sense I does yeah absolutely it
does make sense it's interesting isn't
it because I suppose in hindsight you'd
rather not have the temper but oh as
you've got it you've kind of managed to
harness it at least to give you some
sort of advantage
or at least help you in some situations
if that makes sense oh yeah yeah
definitely okay so you're now saying you
spiral out of control what are you
thinking like I'm just
trying to get into your head at this
particular moment now what are you
thinking is the future of hezron Brown
the future heads around Brown I actually
didn't know what the future of heads
were on Brown was as I said - I was just
this person that was rolling with E so
one would say I wasn't I wasn't thinking
about my future I wasn't thinking about
my loved ones I was just thinking how am
I gonna get by how am I gonna survive
and how did that change them when did it
change
well changed when I got done for a
robbery charge okay I got done for this
robbery charge and it wasn't it wasn't
even it wasn't even a robbery like that
and as they grabbed my friend I hit that
person when he was on the floor which I
never even realized cuz I actually
walked up at that point but when he was
actually on the floor someone robbed him
someone took his stuff now when the
police came they they they they picked
me up and when they when I was in the
station they turn out to me and they
said oh you've robbed this boy's stuff
and this that do and I was like no and
they said oh do you know what kind of
damage you've done and I was like whoa
and the policeman looked at me and he
said you did not punch him you hit him
with something and I said no I actually
punched him anyway if you've been able
to do that kind of damage from a punch
that's scary and I was like I actually
never even realized I even done that
because I walked off and when it got to
court they decided to do me for the
robbery charge so not for the assault
okay they they decided to do me for
robbery and I got found guilty of this
rubbery now I have to go for my
pre-sentencing report and when I went
there I stepped for the door and this
black lady she came up to me and she
said are you my next appointment I went
I don't know
she went what's your name I said hezron
Brown she said yeah yeah you're my next
appointment and she turned and she
looked at me and she said she tottered
and she she said not another black man
that was the that was the thing that she
said to me and from there I fought Wow
like okay like how much how much have
you seen today yeah yeah and she said to
me tell me everything just tell me the
whole situation mm-hmm so I did I told
her everything I told her what had
happened and she looked at me and she
said okay leave it with me I'm gonna try
and help you and I was like okay I don't
know how you're gonna try and help me
but you know I'm gonna I'm gonna roll
with it
you know as I do and the night before my
sentencing I remember sitting there
thinking I'm going to do like I am going
to jail
mmm yeah and my solicitor was saying to
me you know hezron you're facing years
in prison for this like it's not like a
half month or anything like that it was
like you're facing yes so i sat there
the night before and I actually bought
myself a KFC and I bought myself a
McDonald's and I just sat there eating
all these different random type of thing
you're like someone said to you what
would the last meal be that's one that's
basically white look like I had Big Mac
I had a piece of chicken I had some
chips I had you know I wanted everything
that I knew that I would miss hmm and it
was crazy like that feeling of thinking
I'm actually going to prison like it's a
hard it's hard to describe what that
feeling is actually like knowing that
you're gonna see the outside world again
maybe for a considerable amount of time
just I'm not sorry I mention it in one
of my early episodes I worked in a
prison for six months okay and just
working there me it was draining like
mentally because I was seem I've seen
good people I mean I believe we're all
good but sometimes we do bad things and
some more than a listener and there was
though some people in there who I met
him on the streets or something I just
think they're just normally just nice
people and when you see how little time
they get with their friends and their
family and how restricted their life is
in prison it was so like heartbreaking
inside and it was after that experience
I was like I am never getting on the
wrong side of the law because I'm not
going to give away my freedom and when
you're in prison you they kind of just
take that away from you so yeah I can
imagine how you must have been feeling
at that point
yeah I think I think that's something
that's important something that you
actually just said it's not that
someone's bad it's just that they just
do something bad at that time yeah
absolutely and you know a lot of these a
lot of the guys that are in there like
the women I window they're actually good
people but they've just done something
bad just made a bad choice or a bad
decision I always look at that I always
think I think you know how we look at so
for instance we look at a celebrity for
example and we think obvious easy for
them but we forget all the sacrifices
and everything that they're putting in
beforehand like hope the whole process
and it's the same with somebody who ends
up on the wrong side of the law we
forget that they may have actually been
trying to sort themselves out or just
not getting a break in life and then
sometimes something comes up and
something happens and then they've acted
the wrong way which in hindsight most of
the people that I've spoken to
especially in prison wouldn't have done
again whereas you get some people who
are just literally straight-up crazy
yeah they are straight-up criminals but
generally speaking it is that and I'll
be honest I used to be quite judgmental
and think people don't change
mmm again that was just my limiting
belief and now speaking with people
interviewing people especially like
yourselves and seeing that you're able
to do the amazing things which we're
going to talk about shortly it fills me
with like joy in like happiness and also
like hope and you know having that sense
of hope that we can create a better
world we can create a better community
and yeah we definitely can
I always feel when somebody's been at
rock bottom they can offer so much more
somebody like yourself who's been on the
brink of like you said you could have
been stabbed for example you could have
hit you in an artery or something and
boom you're gone there is no more as Ron
Brown absolutely at the same situation
you could have been in the wrong place
I've hurt somebody else in their life
and their future is finished so I'm
grateful that that hasn't happened yeah
yeah so I went for my sentencing I
remember sitting in the dock I was sat
there I had the the police officer
standing next to me although the guard
standing next to me and while I was in
the dock and the judge came here and she
she said hezron Brown stand up and I
stood up and she said I was actually
gonna sentence you this morning this was
her work this was her words to me mm-hmm
and even up until this point I still
have not forgotten she said I was gonna
sentence you this morning but your
pre-sentencing report was glowing she
said I don't know what you did
or here you spoke to mm-hmm but I'm
willing to give you another chance
Wow and of the feeling I got inside my
heart just my heart just my heart sunk
second chance that's you know that
second chance and I literally reduced me
to tears and I was just in the dock just
crying my eyes out while this woman's
talking to me and telling me what she's
what she's actually going to sentence me
to but I actually just didn't care about
what she was sending me because I knew I
wasn't going to prison
yeah but then at the same time I thought
to myself I've just wasted like 20 pound
and a mat done all day hey I see like
you know thinking that I was getting my
last meal with actually I'm not there
goes a six pack you know like I was
still grateful so she gave me a two-year
suspended sentence
she gave me two hundred and eighty hours
of community service and a four hundred
eighty pound fine now this two-year
suspended sentence was something that
made me was was one of the reasons why I
had to change there wasn't I never had a
choice I had to change because what that
two-year suspended sentence meant was
that if I had done anything in that time
at any point if the police is being
called and I'm involved or Thunder I'm
automatically getting sent to prison and
my actual sentence will get activated
that's how they put it to me so they
kind of scared me I'm thinking no way am
I going to be put in a situation where
I'm going to prison so that started to
slowly change my mentality I had a son
along the way as well hmm I had a child
on the way now the relationship broke
down with his mom and I actually ended
up taking her to court to actually see
my son now this was a battle that lasted
in totally spin seven years now my other
partner at that time she turned around
to me and she said you know hezron you
you need to bet your life you're your
son can't grow up thinking you know that
you was a gang member
that you don't know these bad things he
said you need to prove what you're
capable of
yeah I love that when she said that to
me really made me it made me think about
the future I think that was the first
time I actually really thought about the
future I I can't be this person that I
was before just you know doing all these
bad things I have to change there isn't
there isn't a choice I have to I have to
yeah and she was being able to get me
into courses so I done a parenting
course I done
health and safety I don't food safety I
done I done my IT never one two and
three I redid my English a masked man I
went in I don't customer service skills
and employability skills I just I just
tried to build myself up to a point
where no one could turn around and say
hmm wow you know you're this bad person
it sounds like it was something that
happened in like a month's time or it
happened in like too much time and I'm
saying yeah I've got this qualification
this qualification this talk
it took me yes yeah it took me years to
get all that done but I was proud when I
got done you should be because that
process of you developing yourself and
your mind and picking up all these
skills that can never be taken away from
you could never be taken away never be
taken away and I try and say this to
people because maybe maybe it's my age I
can look back a little bit but sometimes
we spend that time trying to pick up
materialistic things and stuff and we're
not training our mind no and that's the
most important thing and you know I'm
proud of you for that well done and I
think that and the best thing with that
is it's taking you two years and I'm
kind of glad it's taken you two years
because now you know how hard it is and
I suppose you can appreciate the skills
and skilling up and stuff so oh yeah
100% like hundred percent um because
throughout that time you know I had
never had I've never had a job before
I'd never had a job before at this point
open to the age of 22 I'd never had a
job
Wow I was living off the system and I
was unrolled as one would pull it I was
on road you know when you walk around in
the street and you see that hooded
person walking around that was me that
was me
day and night that was me
Wow so you know I've gone from that
person to now and he said upskilling
myself train in my mind training myself
to be a better person and what was
actually a really big turnaround for me
was one day I was sat in my flat and I
said to one of my friends I said you
know what I need to change I sat down
with my friend and I said to him I said
you know why why do we do these things
like you know why do we why do we
actually do these things well and he
looked at me and he turned to me and he
said well we have to this we need to do
it and from there I thought now I can
survive in a different way I don't need
to be creating heartache and committing
you know crimes to you know I mean to
get him to go finally yeah yeah and I
actually turned to him and I said you
know what tomorrow I'm gonna change my
clothes and he said what do you mean
you're gonna change clothes I said I'm
gonna change my clothes because at that
time I was always wearing black as I
said I was that person that you see on
the show you know everything that I had
was you were basically fitting the
stereotype this there was like
absolutely yeah 100%
and I said everything I had was black
down to my socks down to my boxers
everything was black yeah and I said to
him I said you know who I'm gonna change
I'm gonna go hey chin him and I'm gonna
buy myself some light colored clothes
and he started laughing at me and I was
like why you laughing for
and he said our heads on you're not
gonna go and do that that gave me the
motivation that I needed the next day I
woke up I woke up early
got myself a shower and I went to town
and I went and bought a white top blue
jeans I actually came out wearing the
clothes and I put my black clothes in a
bag and I was sat at the bus stop and
this old lady came up to me and she just
started randomly talking to me tell me
about her or all day or what she was
gonna do for the day tell me about her
grandkids tell him about her kids tell
me why she had planned now when I
actually mentioned this story to people
they they always laugh because they
don't see that as a big thing but for
me that was a big thing because that has
never happened before I'm not saying she
wouldn't but would she have spoken to
you or would you have even been in a
place that was approachable if you were
addressed how you address yeah but
exactly so and when I I remember the
whole journey she was speaking to me on
the bus because she was um she was
coming she was on the same bus style was
on I remember the whole journey I was
just smiling to myself and I got off the
bus and I went to my flat
and I just sat there and I was just
smiling to myself and my friend came
round to my house and he said oh yo
you've done it of course I've done it
yeah I said don't ever doubt me because
when I say something when I say I'm
gonna do something called do me and I've
always stuck to that model if I say that
I'm gonna do something and I said when
that old lady spoke to me that really
changed me it made me it made me realize
that actually I wasn't a bad person that
I was I was just as you said making bad
choices can I just touch on what you
just said there so you just said
something fiercely that I wasn't a bad
person so somewhere along your life in
your journey you had this belief that
you were a bad person because maybe
society told you you're a bad person all
the decisions you made there's a very
strong thing and I try and say this to a
lot of people is we are the story that
we tell ourselves so if you consistently
keep telling yourself that you're a bad
person
somewhere along the line you're gonna
start acting like a bad person you're
gonna you're gonna find your way to
almost fit the narrative a bit like
myself when I used to say I was shy and
anxious one I was very shy and anxious
but two I'd almost get myself out of
situations where I could grow and become
a person not shy and anxious if that
makes sense so yeah yeah definitely it's
weird because you've touched on three
three ladies now who have really come at
pivotal points in your life so you had
Yvonne initially then you had the lady
who took your appointment she said not
another black man and then you've got
this third lady you just come on a bus
and it's almost like somebody sending
you a message all the time yeah again
it's those subtle messages that people
actually ignore that actually are the
things that change your life if you
allow them to and if you accept it if
you're allowed into an if you accept it
and it's exactly is it that simple
because you could you could have I could
have seen that in a different way you
know but I didn't and I decided to see
in the way that I did that these people
are trying to change my life and that's
how he's bettered me and that's
I've decided to change or did decide to
change get him back to the story of when
I was actually at court for my son or
when I got all of those qualifications I
remember I went to court and I initially
slapped it down on the table like I
literally slapped it down like he was
like it was a movie or something
and it's just like try and stop me from
seeing my son like that that's all I
said
and the judge looked at me and he said
we actually can't stop you though but we
can't stop you from seeing your son you
know I mean and it was a good feeling to
know that you know I had achieved all of
those things for my son
absolutely and I ended up winning the
court case so that was one of the real
pivotal reasons why I decided to change
but yeah like from there I just didn't I
didn't decide to stop you know I didn't
just think to myself okay like I've won
the court case now I don't need to bet
myself no more I don't need to enhance
my life no more I'm just gonna chill
like I've never done that I'd still
decided to keep moving forward keep
progressing and and it was quite funny
yeah because when I was doing the
voluntary work there was people coming
up to me saying why are you actually
working in here like there is no reason
for why you need to be working here and
I said I'm doing it to better myself
like I'm doing it I love it I'm just
doing it for myself and I was there for
two months two to three months I was
there for doing the volunteer work every
day I was dressing in a suit don't ask
me why I was just arrested in the seat
just because swaggered out I mean the
British Heart Foundation you know and
people say people just got to understand
why button again was all because of my
mentality I wanted to have a different
mentality and what was actually
interesting was that they actually took
me they signed me off from the Job
Center and signed me on to perhaps and
it was for like those people that really
wanted to find the job and it was them
that actually got me involved with the
Prince's Trust so one day I went in and
I see my advisor and I asked him I said
oh he's there he's there anything going
on is there anything happening there any
jobs available and he turned to me and
he said oh there's there's no jobs or
anything
like that but there's a thing with the
princes trustees could get started in
theater mm-hmm and I was like okay I was
like what is it he was like it's not a
job it's like a course I was like okay
and he was like but I don't know if you
are done if you want to do it because
it's more like a confidence-building
course but he's like hezron you know
you've already got confidence so you
don't really need to do that course and
I don't think that they would accept you
mm-hmm and I looked him and I said put
me on it I said even if I don't get
accepted onto it put me on it anyway
I'll go I'll see what they say if they
accept me then they do if they don't
then oh wow it's just enough one of
those things mm-hmm so we did he put me
on it it was at the Birmingham rep
theatre where it was being held so I
went to the Birmingham rep theatre had
like a little open day for it and it
would taste a day a little workshop so I
had done that I had they had then put me
onto the course and when I was on this
course
I sat down and I said to myself I am
going to commit a hundred percent that
was it that was it I just said I'm gonna
commit a hundred percent I'm gonna say
hello to every single person I'm gonna
be the last person to leave and I'm
gonna be the first person there that's
what I said to myself and I stuck to me
he got to the point where people were
were asking who I was because I kept
saying hello to random people I was I
was walking around a bearing a rep
theatre the saying just just being like
hello
morning morning and people couldn't
understand why I just kept saying
morning and hello but that got the
attention of people in the Birmingham
rep theatre and I ended up doing the
course so at the end of it we had to
perform a play outside the brick theatre
and we had to market it ourselves we
educate posters we had to do the play
ourselves and we look doing this play
and guy from the West End came and the
directing manager of the rep was there
as well
his name was Steve bored and after
winning had finished everyone was
getting their awards and he when
everyone was getting their awards for
completing the
course the guy turned around from West
End and he said Oh where's hezron Brown
where is he
so I'll step forward and he said I'm
actually a talent scout and I would like
you to play a part on the West End and I
was like what so every wonder there
everyone's there applauding everyone's
clapping but while they're doing that
I'm standing there baffled thinking I'm
not an actor like and I actually said
that to him and he was like you've
actually got talent he said you might
not know it but you have he actually he
wanted me to play donkey in Shrek but I
said to you no I haven't got no
experience and he said yeah I know you
haven't got any experience that's why
the repple gonna take you one sit in
Steve ball he then stepped forward and
said yes as wrong if you come and see me
next week we can talk about
opportunities about how to kind of
better your skills and enhance your
acting basically so I did I mean I've
seen him and he gave me some acting
position that the Birmingham rep theatre
just like that and from there that's
when things really started to change so
I have now gone from this person that
was homeless this person that never had
no food at times never had no money at
times that was unrolled at times to now
this person who's an actor at the
Birmingham rep theatre you can make a
film on that I could make a film be the
actor as well so then the Prince's Trust
got wind of it so I sat down with a
woman called Tsukiko Hale who is the
young ambassador executive manager in
the West Midlands and I sat down with
her so I told her my story as she said
okay she said how would you feel about
becoming an ambassador for the Prince's
Trust and I said yeah like I'm up for
that I definitely hundred percent I
think I think that's a great lesson for
anyone I'm not saying necessarily you
wanting to become an actor but what you
did want to do is put yourself in a
better situation around better people
and have a better life and by you
embracing that opportunity and just
literally throwing yourself out there
because I can
imagine how comfortable you must have
felt coming from straight black black
hoodie black jogging bottoms to a suit
saying hello to people who you don't
know how they're gonna perceive you
being overly enthusiastic spending time
out of your own day go to charity places
like British Heart Foundation and to put
yourself in that environment and then
just shine I just I just think it's
amazing and hopefully people listen to
this and think if you really want
something in life and if you know what
you want just go ahead and do it do you
know what I mean don't wait don't wait
for someone to give you give you the nod
or the acceptance because you've got to
take control of your life and you've
done it may in fair play Tia thank you
you know what it's all about South
belief I agree oh you know like there's
nothing more powerful than self belief
nothing if you believe in yourself and
you believe that you can achieve then
you can if you tell yourself every
single day I'm gonna be a millionaire
you'll be a millionaire not just because
you've said it every day but because
you're you're putting it out there to
the universe you're installing that into
your mindset so things that you will do
from that point on will be things to
make you a millionaire absolutely a lot
of people don't believe in themselves
they don't and to be honest I'm guilty
of it so I never believed in myself I
was into podcasts about two years ago or
three years ago yeah they are always
wanted it because I'm always fascinated
by people's stories and I used to say
certain things about my life and people
find it inspiring and it's taken me like
12 months to really have the self belief
and you touched on something there like
the millionaire thing and it's a bit
like you know for instance you go and
buy a red car for example you're going
to see that red car everywhere and that
they call that the reticular activation
system is kind of some scientific term
so when you start saying you're a
millionaire and you start putting it out
there into the universe you're going to
start seeing opportunities where you can
potentially become a millionaire you're
going to be you're going to see
millionaires and millionaires you might
have a conversation with one you might
pick up some information from him
through your 20 minute conversation or
whatever so I think you've hit the nail
on the head there self belief is so
important especially to inspire people
are motivated to go out there and do
what they want to do you have to believe
in yourself you have to have him and you
have to because what will happen is that
opportunities will present themselves to
you but you won't take them because you
don't believe in yourself because
said you might feel like you're too shy
or you know you've got this anxiety when
you're around so you know like then is
you then start to lose out on some of
the things that are actually there to
actually better your life things are
only just started now really you know to
look up and as much as you know I had
done all those things before to better
myself it's only now that the
opportunities are actually coming my way
things that I had never seen before now
I was doing like garner dinners I was
going to red carpet events I was I was
standing in front of corporate buses
telling him about my life story telling
him about how the Prince's Trust has
helped me and I'm at these I'm at these
places and I'm thinking to myself how
did I even get here
like sometimes it's a bit unreal because
I'll be sitting there and I'll be I'll
be remembering the people that I used to
hang around with mmm
I remember the things that I used to do
I remember the hard times that I was in
the times when I was literally I went
for a depression I was literally like
you know I was having suicidal thoughts
I was I was I never thought life was
worth living you know every day crying
myself to sleep because of the situation
that I was in so I've gone from that
person to now sitting down at a table
around millionaires literally
millionaires pretty it's corporate
bosses eating lobster like literally
eating lobster for my start I mean I'm
kind of things I'm thinking like it's
crazy like it's crazy how I got myself
from there today but obviously it was
possible and obviously I'm done later
self belief and it's the process and
it's the process and people forget the
process and you you've had to endure it
and a lot of people think they can just
wish something and it just happens in a
month in a week sometimes it can take
five years sometimes it could take ten
years I'm glad for your sister for your
sake and for the community because of
the work you're doing now it's happened
it's quicker because now you're out
there and you're able to do great things
so mmm it's fantastic man thank you
thank you so he built up my confidence
it built up
the passion that I had actually because
I think what was what was hindering meet
me before was that I actually didn't
know what I wanted to do a lot of people
were always like saying okay what do you
want to do you know like you know what
you want to be coming I was always like
I actually don't know and I actually
don't know what I want to do I don't
know what I want to become
but the Prince's Trust gave me the
answer and it was from doing all those
events because I was doing those events
and I was talking to these people in my
mind I was always thinking these aren't
the people that need to hear my story
it's the young people that need to hear
my story surgery and from there I
started going into schools I was doing
it for free I was just going into
schools speak into year groups and I was
just speaking to the young people turned
him about my story
sometimes on a one-to-one basis
sometimes as a whole year group and the
impact I was making and that I was
seeing was it was unreal you know cuz
there are a lot of young people that are
going through similar finger yeah what
I've gone through and to be able to say
to them actually like I went through
that but this is where I am now and to
see their face actually light up and
think hope to know that they've got hope
that they can now you know that they can
continue like there was a boy that I
spoke to I told him my story and it was
it was during a it was during one of my
talks that I do and and he was to the
whole year group and this boy came up to
me at the end and he's eternal it's okay
what's mean he said can you be my mentor
and I said well yeah like if you want me
to any went I've got a temper and it's
exactly how you describe yours and he
was like to see and it's because he said
you know he always keeps getting into
bad situations and his temper keeps
defining him and I looked at him and I
said your temper doesn't define you I
said you know I've got a temper you
wouldn't even believe it but I've got a
temper as well but look where I'm
standing and now you're coming up to me
asking me for help you
I said you can be that person in the
future absolutely and and to see his
face was light up it was great man and
it's nice really it's the best feeling
to know that you've made an impact on
someone's life in a way that you never
actually thought you could you know was
it sitting there before and I was
thinking you know if I speak about my
temper that's gonna help people
something that could be possible it's
well deserved given from me it was wrong
because you couldn't were given up and
you could have just I could have given
up stayed in that life and contrib sent
a hundred percent and this is what
people need to understand that life that
I was in before there was only two there
was only two roads
it was either jail or death and the life
you live in now the opportunities and
just the hell it's unreal to be honest
this is kind of like one of my missions
as well because you mentioned like
temper then just from you saying that
story one person who could relate to
your story you could potentially have a
role on effect for his life and then he
couldn't do fantastic things and the
guests that I've got on this podcast
they're all got their own story so one
of my good friends he's got blind in one
eye and all eyes people because he's a
boxing coach he's a fantastic person
that one of the best people I know and
somebody who's going through those kind
of issues they might be able to relate
to each story I've got somebody who's
enlivened with cancer and they're
struggling in their mindset and dealing
with that so that's gonna help people
who are suffering with cancer so what
about finding people who have had
adversity in their life but they've been
not given up they've not let the cards
that lived out an effect and what
they've done is they played with them
the best way they can and they found a
way to win the game and you're under
money you're winning and longmate
content I'm winning my I'm gonna move it
on a little bit now I'm a big believer
that we are resort of the things we tell
ourselves but I'm also a big believer
that ideally habits are really important
as well so now if you could just tell
people now it's a day in the life of
hezron Brown a day in the life of hezron
Brown yeah well you know I need I need
to be true for everyone I'm not I'm not
a celebrity yet you know yeah yes but
it's the process and he still sees to
the process I'm just looking to be
someone that you know these young people
can look up to and and hopefully how
change some people's lives but a life in
the day of
Brown is a life like everyone else you
know I get luck actually what I one
thing I do is when I get up I look in
the mirror for about five minutes and I
just stare at myself as much as as much
as we're that that sound yeah stare at
myself I put my hands on my hips hmm and
I just stare I'll just stare into my
face I just stare into my eyes okay and
I'll just keep saying to myself you're
gonna make it you're gonna make it I'm
gonna make it yes and that's all I keep
saved myself and I do it oops about five
minutes sort of standing it and that
actually gives me the motivation to to
do what I need to do in the day mmm mmm
you know if there's anything that I need
to look at in regards to work or you
know if there's someone I need to go and
speak to it just gives me the motivation
that I need
it's a powerful affirmation and
subconsciously you're strengthening your
self belief which is the reason you're
doing amazing things now so I think that
that's really important this is kind of
why I asked the question because
somebody always has something in their
routine which they might not necessarily
see as an amazing thing but it's some
kid out there who doesn't believe in
himself just simply stands up in the
mirror tomorrow morning with their hands
on the hips or wherever they want to put
it and they just say empowering things
like I am NOT shy for example or I am
worth more I will achieve more I will do
more for people and they consistently
say that and it's not not just once
you've got you've got to keep saying it
especially if you haven't got the self
belief they will start seeing they will
change so mate that's a fantastic point
I think I think it's I've actually got
an image now because I said I said what
you look like and standing there now
decide I shouldn't be thinking it you
know because I've got black boxes I've
got you there and I know it's empowering
for myself as well you know for my
mindset and because I said he just gives
me the motivation that I need but yeah
after that put my clothes on go to work
and come home eat food
go to bed well actually no that's that's
why I eat food and work on work on
myself again so that's good at the
moment when I say
that I go into schools and colleges and
people are Farrow units youth offending
teams prisons I do my talk but I also
talk about some of the social issues
that are plaguing a society as well so I
give talks on nice crime I give talks on
county lines and I'm creating other
programs as well other presentations
that I can do in schools as well so at
the moment
that's what I'm doing just trying to
create those presentations create I said
I'm just I'm out here trying to help
people so love it in the evening that
just work on myself fantastic just
offline we'll take this conversation
offline on my I did this little bit out
I was a social worker in my last life as
well
and I send the kids that I've gone
through the system and how hard it is
and stuff so one of my big goals in life
is to have a social impact change as
well so something for offline because
obviously you're in Princes trust I want
to start a social enterprise for mental
health as well there's a lot of things
that I feel that in the future we can
work on to make a massive difference in
the world so let's definitely go let's
let's do it mind let's do it let's go
man
the next question is about adversity and
I think you've pretty much touched on a
hell of a lot of adversity but if we can
just go back to one example and what I
want you to do is give us the lessons
that he's taught you and how that's made
you stronger today oh I would say the
toughest like adversity that I faced was
when I was in that bed and breakfast
going through that time when I never had
no money I never had no food when I mean
that time for me was harder I mean that
time for me was hard I was 15 years old
turning 16
imagine being that age - to fend for
yourself literally like everything yeah
and you know I remember nights Mitchell
I said I was crying myself to sleep
because I was that hungry that my belly
fat like he was turning inside out and I
think that taught me especially now he
taught me not to take for granted things
that I do for me yeah that's one of the
biggest things for me at the moment like
I just I just I'll just live life how I
want to live life but I just do what I
want to do
because as I said I look back to those
times and and I realize actually where
I've come from and you know you've got a
sense of gratitude now as well for
anything that you take which is really
oh listen you should see me when I eat
food you should you should yeah ah
though you don't want to be around me
the chicken brilliant brilliant
okay so the next one's a little bit
we're gonna spin it a little bit again
what's your biggest fear now my biggest
fear is my temper even now and me losing
my temper losing that control and
something bad happens which puts me back
in that situation that I was in when I
was younger a hell of a lot to lose as
well now and I've got so I've got so
much to lose like and you know when I'm
trying to say like I want to be a role
model for these young people and how can
I be a role model if I'm out here
getting locked up for something or you
know I can't be that role model that
these young people need if I'm doing
those if I'm doing those things and it
is hard there's a guy called inky
johnson I don't know if you know him he
says something about there's no point
you trying to be a public success if
you're a private failure exactly it's so
powerful because it's so easy on social
media to try and portray yourself to be
somebody else do you know what I mean
but I think you have enough having that
in the back of your mind knowing how did
these kids depend on me you don't know
he's watching you tomorrow it could be a
kid who's about to go and do the worst
thing in his life but if he sees you and
he's looking at you and think it's hot
in a minute this guy he's going places
doing things that maybe I could do that
it might just completely change his
trajectory of his life on the basis of
that so obviously you've got that in the
back of your head you don't wanna let
yourself down you go you've got your
little one as well what's your what else
keeps you going what's your motivation
is it just to know go out there just be
bigger better help more people yeah my
motivation now is to get into as much
schools of a can as much prisons as I
can as much people refer units listen I
just want to get in front of as much
young people as I can
and spread my story and hopefully change
people's lives that's my motivation
along with my kids as well as I said you
know I don't I want I want my kids to
grow up
clean him proud of me err you know how
yeah that's something that's something
in my life that I've never really had
you know people being proud of me
and I think as well that's something
that I've tried to strive for yeah I'll
try to strive against that that
acceptance you know and for my kids main
leaf mostly I just want them to be proud
of me yeah I just want them to be happy
and know be able to say to people you
know that's my dad you know there were
100 percent hundred saying man to man
I'm proud of you for how far you've come
as well in your stories is I'm excited
mate for you for your future I'm
genuinely excited yeah I can't wait for
the things it's okay so what we're gonna
do now we're gonna go into a quick fire
round of 60 seconds and we're gonna put
has run through his paces we're gonna
ask him as many questions as possible so
if you're ready we're gonna start in
three two one
okay the ability to fly or be invisible
ability to fly money your fame money
Netflix or YouTube Netflix Coke or Pepsi
or Pepsi would you rather know how you
will die or when you were dying oh when
I would die love or money love books or
movies movies if you could sit with one
person in the world for an hour who
would it be my kids I love them what is
your biggest addiction my baby oh they
give the Dixon food summer or winter
summer your favorite place in the world
my bed speak or languages will be able
to speak to animals speak or languages
your favorite song I don't have fun the
last song you listen to okay love it
your favorite superhero Superman if you
could abolish one thing in the world
what would it be or badness love it love
it okay times up so now we have finished
that round we're gonna move over
straight back into the interview section
of the show so the next question has run
it's about reflection so how that's a
wonderful thing and upon reflection we
can always think of ways to get to where
we are currently quicker easier or with
less heartache but I guess the journey
teaches us a lot especially
your journey as well and I've got a real
belief that everything happens for a
reason
Oh hundred percent absolutely so what I
want to know is if you could go back in
time to one moment where you really
struggled let's let's take that
bed-and-breakfast example and suffered
with that adversity being hungry in that
moment and you could just whisper
something into your ear knowing what you
know now and where you're going now what
would it be
stay strong mmm literally stay strong
cuz I said that was something that I
always and I struggled with men when I
mean like you know I was having those
suicidal thoughts I was having some real
suicidal thoughts you know and if I
could go back then and you know speak to
myself I would just say heads one stay
strong don't cry just stay strong stay
on the path I wish I had done this stuff
earlier but you know one thing that I
always say it's people is I'm glad that
I've lived the life yeah people people
always people always say to me like oh
if you could go back in time would you
change would you change anything no I
wouldn't and if anything called probably
do it worse because because now I have
the story sit down and speak to people I
can sit down and speak to well I have
I've sat down and spoken to older people
hmm about things that they thought I
would never know nothing about but I'm
able to sit down and speak of them
because of what I've been through so
suddenly that brings us to the last
question and the last question I always
like to ask my guess is if in 150 years
time we're all dead because science
hasn't managed to save us and all that's
left is one book and that book is based
on your life about you telling the world
who hezron Brown really was what I wanna
know is what that Blair would say and
then I'm just gonna add a little
question at the end is what would you
call it as well
okay I'm gonna probably call it the
struggle is real of it that's not
probably what I would call it the
struggle is real so if anyone's out
there who's listening that can write a
book for me that's what the fight will
be the struggle is real
and I think the blurb would like the
blurb would just have to be something
like you know this is a man but you have
to say in a voice as well you can't just
do it like normally he has to be like in
a voice like you know okay like a Liam
Neeson kind of voice I'm gonna try a
success with Scott let's go this is a
man this is a man after facing hard
times changed and became a better man
for the love of his kids and for the
love of what he wanted to do for society
I like it I like it I like it I like it
but it would have sounded better with
the Liam Neeson voice but oh that's
brilliant that's - basically the end of
the show so what I normally do now as
well is I ask people to reach out to you
if you wouldn't mind and I think your
story just one that's gonna inspire
thousands of people so I've got you on
Twitter but I know you've just started
that have you got any of the social
media platforms yeah like I'm on
okay um I'm on Twitter I'm on LinkedIn
as well is Helzer on brown on on most of
them I think um Twitter its hezron Brown
90 okay fantastic fantastic what I'll
also do is I'll put all these links to
hezron social media in the show notes so
if anyone wants to reach out please do
check the show notes and you'll find
everything and as always thanks for
listening and remember this podcast is
absolutely free so all we ask in return
is for you to share this with a friend
and drop us a five star review over on
iTunes have an awesome day
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Find your voice - Episode 5 - Look up by Ashley Nixon #5
Tagline: “So you sort of look at the victories of the past, and you rely on them for victories in the future"
https://arendeu.com/podcast
Find your voice - Episode 5
Ashley Nixon grew up with rage, that would spiral his life into turmoil. Drug abuse, prison, fighting both in and out of the ring, dealing with well known drug cartels and gangs he often found himself living a life destined for jail or death. Fortunately it was the former and through his time in prison, Ashley had a realisation towards a better life. His purpose almost became apparent and with hard work, the right mindset and devoting himself to a larger cause Ashley is now on his path to serving others and making a massive difference in the world.
His genuine personality, of wanting to serve and now his love for himself having been accepted by the lord, as he puts it, has given him a new life. Born again, is how he describes it and shows that anyone, despite their past mistakes or actions can truly turn their life around.
Follow it below:
Thanks for listening
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Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
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Links to guest:
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100010604051898
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and I am the host of the
show so today's episode is one of hope
and one which really does capture your
imagination on what is possible this
individual has been at rock bottom and I
mean rock bottom where he's had the
support he's had the community and he's
had the people around him to really try
and lift him up but it just wasn't
enough until something changed and I'm
not gonna tell you what that thing is
but I'm gonna let him explain it because
I think this is such an important story
about how we so often try and do things
to please other people we try and fit
into places where we just know we don't
belong and thankfully for not only
himself did he realize this but also for
the community he is now having such a
massive positive impact on so I hope
you're all having a fantastic day and I
hope this interview really does give you
some insight in terms of what's possible
and more importantly just give you a
sense of hope that people can change
firstly I'm gonna welcome back to the
show so how you doing today my friend
yeah I'm doing good thank you yeah
really good thank you privilege to be
there so thank you well I'm very
grateful that you've taken time out your
day to come on so obviously you've heard
the introduction as listeners but I
think it's more important we hear a
little bit more about Ashley himself and
I've heard snapshots and highlights
about how your world is transformed
basically since I last seen you in the
gym so it's gonna be interesting for me
as well as you guys is the listener so
actually if you wouldn't mind if you
could just give us a run through a
little bit about your life from the
moment you can remember basically up
until where you are right now my right
okay yeah
and it's looking back on your life and
I'm 30 years old now so as you can
imagine I've lived quite a bit for 30
years
listen try and give a bit of a snapshot
of my life it's it's when you're ready
to start so suppose looking back to
where we met we first met at the boxing
club leading up to that I'd been living
with my family in Coventry they're a
group of Coventry we had my mom my man
and a sister as well never really had a
dive growing up and then was about 10
years old my mum met my now stepdad and
being a 10 year old lad being the life
of the family the man of the house and
then certainly having this new man in
the house it kind of I think from there
things began to disrupt in my house my
world was kind of turned upside down a
little bit and to add to that I suppose
we moved them from Commons we'd
established when I was about 11 years
old and so I'm moving to a new area the
accents were funny funny which is I'm
really but I'm sorry no new area I
trying to make new friends
angry and upset with my home situation
and so as you can imagine I began to
meet with and get to know other kids
that were like myself really just angry
upset at the world and from there as you
can imagine paint up in school excited
to describe lessons and to get suspended
and get into fights him in there for
long smoking smoking cannabis regula
getting drunk on the weekends
occasionally was ecstasy involved or
cocaine and life for me quite early on
in the years began to spiral really I
don't know what it was just one of those
kids that you know I weren't really
scared of the police instead of school
and my family at home and we and upset
and trying to find a way to express
emotions I didn't quite understand and
so through crime and getting into
trouble and I've been involved with
young offenders and team stuff I and
they put me to trick all connections it
was back in the day connections with
something that work with young kids to
try and provide positive activities for
them so they sent me to the Lions Boxing
Club and so that's how I found myself at
the box we talked when I was probably
about 15 16 years old oh wow yeah yeah
yes that's probably my first my he
wasn't about that it was yeah my brief
memory of yourself was so I always had
this thing in my head where I was at the
most talented but I would always try and
outwork everyone in the gym
and there's probably I'd say a handful
of people that I remember obviously you
had Connor who was like you know one of
the best boxes in the gym there's a guy
good friend of mine called Andy who used
to work really really hard on his
fitness and I remember yourself and
that's pretty much my only memory of you
as somebody who when he came in he
pretty much gave ease or so in terms of
like work ethic and stuff I fully
understand that I just want to quickly
touch on something though that you
mentioned that you when you were growing
up and you were angry and upset with the
world and stuff was that solely because
you had no father growing up or yeah hi
sighs beautiful thing in it and then
look looking back I I try now to try and
work out and organize and think what it
was but the time it's hard when you're
in the middle of something and your
life's a mess in these turmoil sometimes
it's hard to put your finger on what it
was I suppose looking back it was diyos
I was a little kid in Coventry and I was
ten years old had my first girlfriend
and things were going while I played for
the football team in my primary school
and then my mom meets my stepdad this
man's in my house and we move so you
know an hour away from my home having to
make new friends and I didn't want that
and I suppose it was just rebellion
against that really I mean looking back
now I recognize my mom you know she had
me at a very young age and she gave up
her youth to be my mom and she had a
shot at being happy you know and I
wasn't happy about us being selfish and
suppose there's been a kid not
understanding the world around you're
suppose absolutely absolutely and I
think you touched on the point there
hindsight's a wonderful thing we
sometimes even myself I mean I was never
involved with the police or anything but
this stuff I did as a kid or at school
and you cringe when you think back and
think yeah I was are that guy but I
suppose we all know lessons from it and
that's kind of what I'm trying to get
from this podcast and fun this interview
with yourself so you've touched on
briefly obviously you got into boxing
then so how did that kind of transform
your life because I know that had a
massive impact yeah so this is this is
the first time boxing and so there's
another second occasion which is after
this occasion I was there for a while
and it provided that stability and it
provided routine provided discipline
that sort of thing and I remember the
the Rob this went back when I was a kids
ball Marines came in and they didn't
like a little demonstration in the
boxing club and that was me so I thought
the rule means I'm gonna become a
soldier and I went to the the careers
office and I told him look I want to be
a soldier I want to come and serve and
they asked me about my criminal record
and they basically said look pave
yourself a couple years and we'll accept
that so I tried my best to behave as
I've always been a Jacqueline so it's
more a case of not getting caught
except for couple years continue to box
continue to get fit get healthy and went
down to limp stone in Devon I've done a
four-day selection course for the wrong
reasons and which I passed that and also
sets means of the wrong reasons and then
I go into a phone a pub and I've done
for a BH I'd leave that witness
intimidation and as you can imagine that
was the wrong Marines was my way out my
way out of the brokenness my way out of
the mess it was my way of trying to fix
myself and blooby only stay after that
the door closed and my life just
spiraled from there and things got real
but from then on I went back to the only
thing that I really knew other than that
and that was selling drugs so from a kid
from a young age or worked out you know
the best way to fund any drug habit that
I'd have would be to sell drugs myself
and along with all the states that come
to that all of the reputation the money
and the people thinking you're the big I
am and I really started a little kids I
was an idiot and more Pitt and I've got
caught up in a world that was massive
way bigger than myself and so that was
like 19 I think that was I started
spiraling and really spiraling in that
control and over the next four years 19
to the age of sort of 23 involve wrigley
involved in drug dealing and gang life
that sort of thing I got noticed by some
proper thugs like some proper like
organized crime and I start selling for
these guys and these guys were like
I mean we were selling to like
street-level lads and then we send to
those that are selling to them on the
streets but occasionally buying from the
locals like the Albanian mafia and
selling the house a like it sounds crazy
we've seen out loud sometimes I mean I
sometimes I get to show this he's not
saying it sometimes I share this through
it sounds like something you see almost
on a netflix program like narcos or it
might sound like that but i'll be honest
like this sort of thing happens
throughout the country you know I mean
every town every neighborhood every
council estate
have somebody who's involved in this
kind of a lifestyle it's they I'm sure
as you know yourself maybe this kind of
things it's widespread throughout this
country and I got caught up in it you
know I'm 1920 from a life away and I can
own money really quickly and I'm going
to house parties and people know who I
am and about reputation and people
respect me and I'll be honest - they're
scared little kid if a woman's just
trying to vent that anger that
frustration and finding drugs to mask
problems and issues and it may is just a
mess man absolute mess but yeah I
suppose you can imagine from that and
ended up in prison eventually which was
absolutely the best place for me exactly
where I belong and looking back now
prison mate was the best thing that ever
happened to me just to touch on that so
I've previously worked in a prison for
about six months it was part of my
social work I was doing a master's at
the time and when I went there it was
one of the scariest places I've ever
been personally so I am afraid of the
police I am afraid of like silly things
but when I was there you've seen how how
little these people have interaction
with their kids or with you know the
community will be able to just do stuff
I mean you were getting that one hour
freedom a day where they're allowed to
walk in like the park kind of area they
had and I was looking at that and I used
to go work there so obviously I'm there
from like 9:00 to 5:00 in a I'm so happy
to get back home and I used to always
say I just come home to the missus and I
was like because I've had a couple of
scraps here and there and sometimes
you've hit someone the wrong way and
they're falling down and they're not
getting up and you kind of panic and you
think shit this could go in that
absolutely different way and I literally
sat back and I think having experienced
that from the outside for six months it
was it was eye-opening for me to make
sure that I never ever used my hands or
got into an altercation in the wrong way
so if you wouldn't mind like just for
them at listeners here because I think
it'd be quite interesting a day in the
life of being someone as sort of a
prisoner and how long would you
therefore as well yeah okay so I was I
was quite fortunate and being involved
in the life that was involved you know
and regularly carried firearms and that
we've you know tens of thousands of
pounds of cocaine transporting it in my
car I could have been given you know
seven ten fifteen you know however many
years
but in the end that abh thousand I got
them for I got given a suspended
sentence at the end of the spin is ins
messed up again got given community
order or whatever it was basically like
my old sentence was just hanging over my
head because I never managed to behave
long enough for it to disappear and in
the end I got caught with about two or
three grams of cocaine which is
basically enough for personal amount
that basically invoked the suspended
sentence and I was given 6 months and 14
days so I was well you say six months is
like for me I mean I'm not like I could
do a weekend in there oh yeah I think
prison ultimately I mean as long as
you're willing to go there behave
yourself get your head down you're gonna
be okay but the reason you're in there
is because that's not something that you
do too easily
absolutely for this occasion a tourism
the game and so you're okay and then
being allowed that's always trying to
prove himself always trying to you know
present this person you know long okay
I've got it together okay and so I find
myself in this prison and in prison is a
currency which is like tobacco and
tobacco you're buying drugs you buy a
shoe by that and it's the only addiction
that you're allowed and so people crave
the nicotine in animes in prison if you
want to borrow some tobacco from say
like the loan sharks in there they'll
give you however big the pouch is one
week the next week they want to put the
amount back my Gran's this prison
and I thought you know I'm gonna start
borrowing tobacco because I wanna smoke
aside borrowing some I didn't really
think about the repayments at all the
guy that was borrowed from was only a
scrawny looking lad so I didn't really
feel too much about it he came on to me
one day said Let Me In and pay me back
what you owe me I basically told him I
told him where to go something on me I'm
a painter which is you can imagine was a
pretty stupid idea and I didn't do
because I was a tough guy no I don't
know I wouldn't tell anybody I was a big
hard man you know me big toughness just
more pickup in this crazy world but this
guy anyway he goes down and he says man
I'm gonna go get my clothes my foot yeah
whatever jog on like you went to go get
it
his cousin was huge me
imagine a massive Commodore basically
corridors on the side
I mean there's a little central bit and
then another block on either side sort
of things so kind of what you see on the
TV rooms so I'm on the fifth floor the
fifth I'm in the top floor and I'm just
Hank like basically my hands on the
railings just looking over and then this
big huge guy comes around the corner and
he goes right if that can't be is
causing this guy was huge and so I we're
new in prison if you guys didn't have a
strap normally go into a pad one of the
prison ward like the cells in that
you'll have it off of a strap and two
guys will stand outside and keep trying
till the guards come sort of thing as
you can imagine that's a pretty
intimidating prospect when a guy that
this guy was huge
but he came towards me anyway and sort
of like he put himself in the browser as
well and I don't know if used for the
proven point to the rest of the wind
because he ended up being the biggest
loan shark on the wind load and he's put
his arms over the side I'm over to sign
his turn and he goes what are you gonna
pay me back and as I turned to talk to
him he just hit me at the side of the
head as hard as he could
I've sort of staggered back I ended up
having local marks on the side made four
to three weeks because he's doing it on
the landing on the wing the security
guards nearby and so we strapped in
flashing 30-second twenty seconds when
Allah and screwy guys jumped on him
pinned him to the floor I've turned to
decide the scrawny cousins had a go at
me then as well and so I won't have any
scraps on the land and the security
guards got involved and and through
basically the street lighting involved
was the last one standing but as you can
imagine again reputation starts good for
the roof people saying he is not a liar
you know I'm not paying attention to the
system playing by the prison's rules
like I said me I was in India
whoopee and I got myself into all kinds
of trouble but um see ya these guys
ended up there getting removed off the
prison wing moves to another part to
present and tobacco size tutorial
because that last the ones who were
supplying tobacco they put a price on my
head so that if anyone gave me a hickey
and or a beam or whatever or you know
you're in prison with a price on you and
it's mostly you know stabbed a sticker
and so this is the position I found
myself in all over the game making
things absolutely the worst I possibly
could for myself really I want to say I
admire your honesty for for coming up
and and sharing this story and I think
what we need to take away from is
probably the most important bits is that
while you were doing all this and I've
seen you you're a big lad you your
strong lad but you just mentioned a
couple of things there where you've said
that you were scared and you know you
had a mask on and you were you were kind
of you almost trying to be somebody that
you maybe you weren't deep down I'm not
sure I'm not sure if that's the right
words but I just feel like you've shown
some vulnerability there and I think
there's probably a lot of kids and I've
got I've got a couple of extended family
members or friends who are doing similar
things to yourself and it and it's it
worries me because I'm always trying to
tell them but like whose reputation are
you really trying to get and what is
this reputation that you want to be
known for and I want to kind of just
spin this a little bit because I don't
want people just thinking that you're
right they're just crap over the world
and going absolutely crazy because there
is light at the end of the tunnel with
your story which is why I find it so
fascinating I know recently you've had a
massive transformation in your life and
I I can tell from your intelligence that
one you realize that you were
accountable for everything you've taken
responsibility you've accepted that yeah
it was your fault so if you wouldn't
mind just just for the listeners as well
just kind of how your life started to
transform or what measures you took yeah
okay so I think from what you've heard
from my story already there's a couple
of times I've tried to sort myself out
boxing was one and which in the end
became so incredible at the time I think
too young and too stupid to take the
opportunity given to me the second
Holmes the rule means trying to solve a
self out through the wrong reasons
many times I've tried and I knew my life
was a mess I knew I needed help and you
I needed a way out but I think with the
anger and the frustration and I'll be on
let things go I was trapped you know as
I was trapped you know I think I was in
prison within my own mind long before
everything prison itself and so I think
personally I was at a point of not being
able to help myself at all it's funny
because I this apart the storyline I
love this part of story it's not always
a part the story that people can always
truly grasp time in this prison my
life's in danger there's a price on my
head I'm looking over my shoulder
constantly waiting to get a kick in and
it is at this point another prisoner who
was who was in the cell opposite me he
came to me he said may I I think you
need God and then one thing he got in
your life and I for me you want to
taking the mick yeah and I'm in prison
my life's in danger I need you know
baseball bat or a couple of mates I
don't know and you know that's crazy but
I think it's something at that point I
don't know if she's been triggering me
something caught my attention I don't
know what it was but a couple of days
later I'm walking down a prison wing in
the corridor and there's a sign-up sheet
on the wall for chapel and I see this
functional chapel and and something
about it just it just caught my
attention it's all about it he just drew
me towards it I was like okay what's
this all about
I looked at it and I read this time
machine afore it's not for me and I mean
I'm not interested I don't care what
this guy's saying about God I don't want
to know I don't care and I went to walk
away and something is showing me it's
the strangest thing about it just felt
like there's something tugging at me
something within was just pulling at me
and I look back now and I've got words
to try and describe what was going on it
was just crazy
it was like it was weird it was crazy so
it was pulling me towards this song she
does something more about it than what I
read about it yeah in the end of I've
sort of gone back and as I'm going back
towards it there's like a sense of
excitement growing I mean almost like a
sense of adrenalin groaning me know I
was training some crazy drugs in this
world but what was going on at that
moment was it was surreal it's weird and
so I thought you know what can I lose
let's go and check out what this
chappals all about and so I signed up my
name and basically what this feat was
about is if you sign up my name on a
Sunday a prison guard will come to you
so they'd release you from prison they
take you to Chapel I thought okay cool
I'll get myself out there so let's go
I sign my name a million and the moment
I found my name of a centerpiece it
means I'd never experienced before in my
life well you know I was here I was in
prison I was a broken-down scumbag and
exactly what I deserved
my life was in danger and if I got me a
kicked in and I said oh I deserve but
here I was feeling peace feeling as
though there's more to life than what
currently experienced more than any
people as well and that was crazy me to
try and for me to look back and like
sometimes I catch myself saying now it's
telling this story
absolutely crazy really yeah I think I
think this is such a fascinating story
because it's literally from one extreme
to the complete opposite end of the
spectrum it's not like you've made a
mistake you made it the second time and
then you you've kind of sorted yourself
at through whatever means it is you've
literally I mean I'm listening to that
story initially and if I didn't know you
and say for instance you had already
told me half the story I would be like
okay there's no hope for this guy and I
say that because like I said I know
people who are who have had a similar
life and I've tried my best to help them
personally and I tried to kind of change
their circle of friends their influence
try and change their mindset make them
read more do more and sometimes I'll be
honest I feel helpless but what you've
just given me there which you may not
realize is you've given me a sense of
hope that actually ok might not be God
but there there is a way that we can tap
into people say for instance like
yourself and I'm I'm using your words
here I'm not calling you this by the way
per say Prince is somebody exactly like
a scumbag for example I really sort of
transform their lives so oh yeah that is
powerful powerful stuff so yeah so you
started you started in prison in terms
of so you go to this chapel and then how
did that kind of accelerate afterwards
yeah yeah so I mean I'm in prison and
learned the chapel week-in week-out and
I'm trying to study this bad person
trying to get more groups the Bible and
stuff like that and hearing about a God
who who loves me and God he wants the
very best for me a God of second chances
a god of redemption a lot of forgiveness
and these are all the things I knew that
I needed so desperately and I remember
going back to my son and tried my first
ever prayer and I'm sort of saying God
you know if you're out there and you are
who these people say well look I need
help and I really really need to know
please how many way the week's all go by
I'm coming towards a moment where I like
the opposite gangs in honor these lads
are involved with these little guys okay
here comes to kicking I'm waiting for an
alarm would go off or a cigar would just
turn on the corner you know I mean and
like almost like you leave coincidences
yeah yeah looking at them on the surface
like this just a coincidence you know
the main burner like it felt like I was
protecting me I felt renewed it's not
hope was there like I had hope you know
never excused
like tomorrow's gonna be okay it's gonna
be all right you know me like no matter
how dark and how broken how messed up my
situation was you know what there is a
way out and things can change and it's
beautiful me just having that hope just
it stirs you online I love that I love
that message and that's kind of a
message I always try and preach my
selves and it's actually something that
keV it's fantastic and he talks about
belief and whether you believe in God or
whether you believe in anything like he
always says worst case just believe in
yourself because we all need that
otherwise we're lost and I suppose you
you were I think it's fair to say you
were lost for so long and oh yeah you
found your calling and I think that's
fantastic mate it's one it's nice to
hear that your life had turned around
from that yes I imagined that your
opinion of yourself changed so rather
than see yourself as this scumbag for
example will keep just using that word
yes how did you start seeing yourself
how would you explain yourself you okay
I'd love to say that instantly BAM my
change completely yes does this new
sense of hope there was this sense of
per person of death meaning that my life
had value and meaning you know I mean it
wasn't just some random mess that was
doomed to fall apart with her but like
prisoners to flying yes I've got this
Bible in my hands now I'm trying to
learn to pray but then I'm back in my
own neighborhood of I tackle my uncle
and my old gang mates who are only my
old influences are they're my old
reputation goes before mold you know
know made all this temptations around me
looking I remember the first night come
out of prison you know this Bible in me
under mana going back home and we make
comes running and I'm sniffing coke with
him and I'm wondering why I can't sleep
at night you know my doings myself and I
think the 10-month period be kind of
just completely wrestling between the
identity that I used to have
and this new identity that I've
experienced and wanted so much more uh
and so does this season of uh you know
at growl bit on the weekend and I'll get
into fights and I've got my jaw broken
between I throw my prison before I
started boxing just a flat-out into a
fight go out and take drugs then come
home and read my Bible and pray and
believe in this God that was gonna save
me and set me free it was just a weird
season of things happening but in this
period again like I spoke about
coincidences in the prison I believe
coincidences we had to start taking
place outside of prison as well so the
gang that I was involved in and I said I
was on tag so I had to be in by seven
fucking line eight o'clock at night
there was caught in the drugs bust right
at one point four million pounds of drug
bust and they're caught with like large
amounts of cocaine large amounts of cash
shotguns and literally a big bust it was
across the news everywhere so they were
removed from the streets I found out my
best friend was Steven my girlfriend was
in prison so they all removed from my
life and through another series of
complete coincidences I was left
isolated and all alone and with nothing
more than the Bible and trying to learn
to pray and I believe God removed the
baggage from my life and the brokenness
for my life to really be able to work on
myself and so for me when when you read
some of the things in the bite the bio
bassoonist stuff the bio says about it's
beautiful like it's beautifully like
says that every hair that's on your head
is numbered God knows you that well and
that intimately in you are of that
importance and that value in your hair
is numb but you don't mean like stuff
like it's beautiful and she decided to
read this stuff and he starts to to
speak value into your life I think one
of the most powerful things that that
can happen with things like depression
you'll have these thoughts that go over
and over and over in your head and they
completely compounding
the ideas so if you think that you're
nothing any worthless and you're
thinking that constantly every single
day you're gonna think you're worthless
and nothing I know it's gonna spiral or
as if someone starts to speak words are
positive words are encouraging
I think words and words that we believe
and the things that we believe about
ourselves are so powerful you've took
the words right out of my mouth and I
was gonna say this literally I was gonna
say this later on because how you speak
to yourself will determine your life in
your story and your level of happiness
massively in terms of so even myself
I've gone through like anxiety and all
that sort of stuff in my life and in
terms of like my business for example if
just use it as an example it's gone much
better in the last six months than it
was previously but because my state of
mind and my self-worth and love and
everything was always at its best I
suppose I've always managed to be happy
in the moment and happy in the now so
irrespective of whether I have more
zeros in the end of my bank account at
the end of the day or I have a fancier
car outside on my driveway my level of
happiness doesn't really change because
it's an inside job and I think people
are always trying to personal things
materialistic things whereby they're
trying to get some sort of validation
from the public or external factors but
what you really need to do is look
within yourselves and until you can
start loving yourself and start looking
after yourself so how you look after
yourself in the gym or with your diet
you need to look after yourself with
your thoughts so you know massively I
appreciate you saying that mate because
I'm you did take the words out my mouth
I was saving that for later it's
important we live in a world now which
is so media driven Facebook we've got
everything there are fingertips but the
message of the world is saying to us is
you're not good enough unless you have
this have something to sell they've got
a product to get rid off so they can
convince you that you're not good enough
without their product that's what
they're gonna do and if we've seen these
messages day in and day out
no wonder the half of all things were no
good with nothing we're worthless
because that's what the world is telling
us that's so powerful it's horrible me I
mean it makes people feel inferior and I
think one of the things I've always
tried to do so I used to be personal
training previously a long time ago and
I see a lot of personal trainers or
they're not even personal trainers it
people on Instagram who you've got six
packs for example and what they're doing
is those they'll sell this kind of
course or they'll just keep constantly
showing forwards of their abs and then I
was getting a lot of people come in with
insecurities because I happens is you go
on Instagram everyone's live in their
best life everyone's got a car
everyone's going on holiday a month they
read it to all friends in the middle of
the night and they doing all this crazy
stuff and I'm thinking you saying the
truth another reason for this podcast is
to give people the the cold hard truth
that you're gonna have shit days you
know you're gonna you're gonna have good
days but it's about trying to work on
your mindset trying to understand the
people out there like like yourselves
who are going through this as well but
they're coming out on the other side
basically and they're coming out with it
whether it's the
connection to God or whether it's their
daily habits or the way they the
environment we're in in the words for me
I find that in the Bible I found that in
my relations with God I find out how he
was guiding me and leading me but then
at the same time then another powerful
part was the boxing club hmm so I knew I
needed a good community around me I
needed friends I needed help you know
and for me as much as I've experienced
God and his power in prison as much as I
was now reading the Bible and praying
the idea of going to church was was
foreign you know me but I remembered
from when I was a kid that I had a place
where I was welcomed I had a place where
I was loved I had a place where I was
accepted that was my boxing club so I
remember rather sheepishly driving back
to my boxing club knowing I left there
because I've got caught up in drugs and
stuff knowing that I'd probably let them
all down and wondering how they treat me
want to come back and I member pulling
up in there in the carpark in there and
then so keV came out for the doors like
I lost one even recognized me and he
said come in man we went in and like he
let one of the other coaches carry on
with the class and stuff and went up and
sign the classrooms upstairs
it just checked me like you just heard
my story heard how old my life's
returning to you know complete hustle
yeah yeah except me like and you know
he's not Christian himself but the
values that he betrays their godly made
the beautiful and I mean the guy's
incredible May he was my first episode
and the reason he was my first episode
is because the world needs more of keV
Dylan and I don't think because he's
nature and his job and stuff he's not
aware of the whole selling himself for
marketing himself and I'm kind of I want
to be his advocate because I just feel
that if people spend mine with him
may I mentioned on the podcast the best
years of my life was when keV was
training me on a one-to-one basis I
loved him I loved spending time with him
I'm similar to keV I'm not a religious
person but we share the same values and
ethics and I feel that whatever you find
your power through or your level of Hope
through hold that tight I've never let
go because that's gonna that's gonna get
you through this world because and just
his way of thinking I mean he could sit
there and feel sorry for himself all the
time or he could judge you
there and I think it takes a big man
like yourself to come out and think okay
I've let these people down many times
before can I step back in the reason so
Fairplay for dropping your ego there
because I think that's another thing he
has we have a big sense of ego growing
up yeah and if you can if you can get
rid of the ego within yourself I just
think you live a much more fulfilling
life
no absolutely it's a blessing still
being a mop it still reading this Bible
and praying and still had these crazy
experiences may his cradles just in a
crazy time but I start with the box in a
box it becomes a place of stability
becomes a place of discipline and a
place where I'm accepted and then let me
even given the privilege of now to coach
as well and I'm like somebody's putting
value in tomorrow if you see something
it mean it's calling the help from me as
we've gotten more relation with God the
same things happening and I ended up
then going back to church I start going
to church I'll be honest because a girl
invited me and so I find myself in
church against trying to buy another
community of people that just love me
and accept me for who I am
and and then I heard the Gospel message
which is the central message of
Christianity that God loves you no
matter what you've done he wants to
forgive you for no matter how much
brokenness and how much pain you've
brought into this world and wants to
give you a second chance and so I sort
of accepted that message and I believe
through the boxing and the community had
their through the valley the cave was
given me through the Bible through my
experience of God something in me just
boldly changed and I had a new sense of
who I was as a person and for me I was
still taking drugs I never had any
troops counseling no referral workers no
drug dependency no no help or medication
just gonna show us how we can just
saying this is one going to live for the
next week drugs just went has no
addiction as new need for it there's
like the void that was being filled with
the drugs or the void that has been
filled with white say was darkness which
is full of light no best hope and it was
just boom I'm free and you made just
that I just want to touch time that
sorry just before you carry on you make
what you did there you made a decision
when you make a decision like you just
made there with conviction
in the church saying listen you know
what this is me now this is my new
identity this is the new actually mixin
I am no longer that person you've kind
of ridding yourself of that past it's
just powerful mate and I just want to
elaborate on that thank you thank you
yeah there's a beautiful passage in the
bio leases and you must be born again so
you must have your whole life completed
and he's set free from stuff so for me
I've always wanted to be free the drugs
I always knew it was wrong but there's
like something that just held me in it
like I don't know ever just like I said
didn't have the conviction didn't having
a belief
didn't have the sense of shrimp to get
myself out but now that moment standing
in my church and I message your foot
might not believe this is really true
it's almost as if BAM was born again you
know no man all right I felt like
something just changed like it's crazy I
love it's a massive change from
obviously where you fit first where we
just touch on that now so you you're
born again it's your day like now then
because I'm hoping and I've got my hands
crossed here that you're not on the
streets at any stage selling anything
doing anything god you made so what's
your kind of like daily routine that
you're doing that God the drums
disappeared on peon they don't say only
only like you and you're kind of dante's
you're you're downplaying the
achievements listen my biggest claim to
fame was keV was gonna select me for
novice Nationals and I'd only had one
fight previous to that and I took an
injury outside which is a story for
another day but I was so proud of that
because I know how hard it is to train
mate so fantastic mate well done for
that so thank you yeah so yeah I've done
the Box in than that and then I was
coaching the club and you know you just
shrimp dish shrimp and then I've I went
to my church I was doing like an
internship at the same time trying to
get my head into what the hell is this
crazy Christian world all about why is
the truth a bit as opposed to the the
Christianity of this portrayed in the
media what's the real story behind all
then my church said look we want to fund
you and pay for you to go to Bible
College which is basically University so
I went to university degree in the
priorities in church leadership
she's the first class on this as well
relations lady who's been in prison
he's quite yeah massive massive
turnaround I love that from their church
so about six hundred churches in Britain
and about three thousand around the
world as well they want to they've
recognized that my life changed I
recognized that there's something of God
in me and something's going on in my
life so they've probably now on to a
training program which is for the next
three years become an ordained reverent
a minister so I'm currently training to
become a minister and church mate
believe or not may you're giving me
goosebumps I contact you see you right
now
I promise you the hairs of light raised
Omaha from drugs to a degree to now
you're going to be spreading the message
of what you believe in the future and I
bless my little boy and be there for him
in an amazing life radically changed me
I love the privilege that I have to
share this story because every time I
share it I'm a I'm so grateful as well
myself to be able to sit here and speak
with you as well whether honestly this
is this is fantastic and this is this is
what it's all about spreading this kind
of message as well your son's very lucky
because sometimes I feel in a way
you have an advantage over other people
because you've been you've been in the
dark side mate you've been rock bottom
and use this in it and you're not you're
not reading a book about somebody who's
been on the dark side and then trying to
fabricate a story you've lived it you
know not on the other side and it gives
people hope and like likely touched on
earlier hope is like one of the most
important things in the world cuz if
you've nothing to hope for and nothing
to wish for then life kind of becomes
meaningless you know a powerful man I'm
really happy for you you give me
goosebumps mate it's the first time
we've really so I'm looking forward to
obviously keeping this friendship going
in the future as well and whenever you
down at the gym is are trying to stuff
my boxing gloves on I love it okay so
I'm gonna just switch it a little bit
now and I was gonna ask him at adversity
but I think pretty much hit like so many
aspects of your life in terms of
adversity but if I just put you on the
spot a little bit here now for the
listeners he has an only chance to kind
of prepare himself for this so let's
just point to him but I'm sure you'll
and you'll on the right answer me in
terms of adversity so now you've been
born again and things are going well for
you you've got hmm I mean new missus
you're with your son now you're spending
time with him things are going well for
you you've got your degree in everything
if let's just say now in the last couple
of months or the last year could you
think of a time where you've had
adversity again but knowing what you
know now and obviously finding the light
how do you handle it now because I think
it's really important for people to
realize that life can still try and
throw you a curveball and then it's how
you react to it so just give you a bit
of a back to do something I'm married
now and my wife is an incredible woman
you know sometimes I think there must be
a god because she's great obviously like
me my wife both came from Berger
backgrounds she's also got quite a story
of hope and transformation zone and
bhavish thing you come from a broken
back ground and that baggage doesn't
just go away you know I mean they're all
mindsets yes I'm a Christian now yes i
believe in christian principles and
morals but still I'm on a journey until
I see journey and you don't just change
just is it a change that happens over
and so the Christian Way obviously we
don't obviously try not to have sex
before marriage and that's probably one
of the big Christian teachings and stuff
I know the sex is a sacred thing saved
for marriage and which for me was very
foreign to the way I used to think and
so obviously my wife struggled with that
a little bit anyway but we decided that
we was gonna wait until he's married and
we believe highly in the sanctity of
marriage the marriage is an incredible
thing that it should be entered into
lightly and as opposed to our culture
today is that if something's not working
if you had to throw it away start again
and we're in a consumeristic culture so
once you've used something you just
throw it away if something's not working
properly anymore you get rid of it get a
new one and I think sometimes that kind
of mentality especially in the 21st
century carries forward into our
relationships and so we're not always I
don't think you got to work on a
relationship it starts to go wrong we
just think let's chop her out let's get
a new model sort of thing and so for a
Christian to not have the whole sector
for marriage and then to get married and
to believe that we're married in the
eyes of God that we've been brought
together because you know God wants the
very best for us and you have our very
high expectation of marriage and a high
view of marriage but as you can imagine
see people that don't live together and
then they start to live together it
causes friction
yeah any two people coming together any
two people with two different life
styles and different ways of living
friction and so I don't know if we had
an idealistic view of what life would be
like I think for me I'm away from the
first years of our marriage I suppose
we've struggled a little bit just with
the whole being different people coming
from broken backgrounds different
expectations and stuff I did the
beautiful thing of having such a high
view on the moment was that rather than
me thinking I'm gonna chop her and get a
new one it was like I'm gonna dig in
I've been through brokenness before I've
been through darkness before I've seen
how bad life from get you ain't gonna
get that bad again and I'm gonna press
through and say you saw look at the
victories from the past and you sort of
rely on them for victories in the future
and so me my wife worked out our
differences in just a flatiron
we're stronger now and more in love now
than we'd ever be if we hadn't have gone
through what we went through I'll be
honest mate sometimes you come humbly
were going on that woman she does
mulatto it and I'm sure if she was in
this room she'd say exactly the same
thing about me but I love it to bits man
and I think
without going through what we went
through we won't have what we have now
and suppose yeah I loved that mayor I
think it's remembering past victories to
believe that they'll be present
victories written victories of the past
as a sword not because I want to
elaborate on that in a second but just
before that you were making me small
while you were saying that and I was
kind of so I put my vulnerability here
I'm a very emotional person so I kind of
get emotional when I hear stuff let up
because the way I view my wife and my
marriage is the same as you it's it's a
very very important thing for me I was a
bit of a dad back at Union I always made
a promise at the moment I get married I
will do everything in my power to be the
best man that I can be and I so often
see people who maybe stray or just do
just do things that I don't necessarily
agree with so for me at man-to-man
hearing somebody who has that sense of
love and the way you look at your wife
may I hold my heart of team because it's
important because behind every month
good man there's a good woman and I'm
doing the stuff that I am fortunate to
do now I mean as we speak now and we
record this my wife's at work bless her
and my aim is to get her out of work
very soon but if I couldn't have done a
lot of the stuff I've done in my life if
it wasn't for my wife and I'm very
grateful I love just hearing your
transformation because although you were
doing all those things in the past this
person this genuinely amazing person was
always in there and I'm just glad that
you managed to find it just to touch on
the victories of the past so what I find
that so powerful was because there's a
guy called David Goggins I'm not sure if
you follow him but he's somebody who I
follow quite quite a lot religiously
basically but he mentioned something
called a cookie jar and what he does is
all of these he calls it like a jar of
fuck what he does is every time he's
been through shit in his life he puts it
into this imaginary jar of fuck right
and he calls it like the cookie jar and
then what happens is when he's faced
with adversity in life he thinks back to
that Johnny's at hold on a minute I'm
that same guy who's been through all of
this and I can get visit and going
through now and I think you've you've
done it in your own way you've said the
victories of the past will help you
secure victories of the future which i
think is just as powerful lesson so may
it's fantastic that I mean you don't
even argue there guys and yet you're
preaching the same stuff as this guy
who's in millions which is why I say
everyone's story matters because your
story matters and it's gonna it's gonna
inspire lots of people so
that's fantastic man I wish you and your
wife all the best it'd be great to get
her on the show as well which means I'm
very interested yeah I'm sure she would
be yeah yeah yeah definitely I'll put it
to anywhere she says definitely me
yeah she's got great story I love it
mate I'm just gonna switch gears again
I'm just conscious obviously I'm the
running time as well so where you are
currently now in your life and I know
you from like a physical aspect in terms
of like your boxing and stuff and being
on the streets you're not really afraid
of much or at least it doesn't seem like
you're afraid
but let me ask you the question right in
this moment right now what is your
biggest fear hmm okay
I mean so fear is also a vulnerable
thing because we put high value one on
faith I suppose the ante that would be
fearing it so the opposite of faith is
fear so fear for me would be that I've
been giving this incredibly beautiful
life and I make an absolute mess of it I
don't use every single day to do all I
can to give back to the garden and to
the communities that have built so much
into me so my fear would be that I might
just make a mess of things you know I
love that
so it's a great message and I'm
confident knowing where you are now I
wouldn't have been confident secure to
go up I'm confident that you'll do that
mate and you've got a good community
around you you've got mutual friends and
after this you know I consider you a
friend and if you ever need any help
from me by all these new reach I am more
than happy to sort it on my hand so on
the basis of that and obviously now you
found your calling and you just touch
that you want to make an impact or just
do the best you can basically would you
say that's your main motivation or
inspiration that kind of keeps you keeps
you going every morning or isn't
anything else other than your wife yeah
yeah there's a couple of things I
suppose I suppose having a fear is
something to kind of drag you down or it
can propel you forward yeah so like fear
is faithful it's believed in the
opposite to the lies that we sauce and
tell ourselves and for me a great source
of hope for the future and a drive is is
reading the Bible the Word of God and
there's some things in there may you
read anything in there for 2,000 years
now and like so there's a passion system
all things work together for good for
the good of those who love God and
that's like everyone's thought I've seen
people with tattoos if it says
everything happens for a reason it's
something that was written in the Bible
2,000 years ago some of the stuff that's
written in there about you know she's
might be transformed by the renewal of
your mind think on things are above
think on things that are holy and good
and pure and just training your mind to
think positively to think the best of a
negative situation is so powerful so and
so yes but for me like in the morning
just haven't you know 20 minutes half an
hour an hour even just reading that
crazy book that inspires you know
billions of people the world around it
that's a real motivator for me and then
there's those moments where you see
someone else they get it and the light
comes on absolutely and I'm in you can I
I now work from a Christian company we
work with kids that care system okay I
mean you think my life's but these kids
might day something like child sexual
exploitation backgrounds and severe drug
abuses from young age all kinds of
domestic abuse and violence and stuff
like kids that have been rejected by
their families and their parents their
loan Society and they come through the
system and it's basically teaching them
at the one end to tidy a bedroom and to
cook and clean and the other end to
function in society and to see them just
take little steps it's beautiful and to
be involved in that kind of a process
it's it's beautiful to do that sort of
thing is great it's good
yeah the motivator ultimately it's
living not for yourself or for others
there's a great power in buying into
yourself and when you know you no longer
need to let society think your your
written you've got it and you don't need
to prove you accept yourself then you
can live for others and that's beautiful
me Wow it is may may be may be
absolutely and you know I don't discount
anything but I just worked so what
really hit me there was a you might not
know this but I've got siblings who have
been in the foster care so three my
siblings are white
Josh Coyle and Kelsey and they came
through the foster care system but then
we went through guardianship so they
basically
the family and my younger sister Illya
is adopted as well so that was one of
the reasons where why I personally went
into social it because I want you to be
the best damn social worker in the world
and change the world because the life we
have made is a million times better than
the life these kids have had in kill
yeah and for you to be doing such a
great thing now I'm just I'm so grateful
that one you found like however you
found it but two you're also giving back
because you're gonna be a massive
positive influence on these dude I love
it mate we've got a lot more in common
than I thought other than boxing yeah
what thing is I went into social work to
cut a long story short because I was the
breaking as a project manager in London
I was only more money than I knew what
to do it but there comes a time where
you need something more than money to
get you out of bed in the morning and it
was always I just want to help people
and I send my siblings go through so
much shit that I was like I'm gonna
change the world but then when I got
into social is the one thing that let me
down was there's so much bureaucracy
that you can't really change it that
much so what I've done is thought okay
let me use my presence and my brand and
my marketing and influences and let's
try and change the world
holistic Lee so reaching out to people
like you you've got a community reaching
out to community centres and I'm trying
to make an impact where nobody say to me
oh you've got a gold do some paperwork
9205 I'm I'm doing this on my own and I
want to kind of change the world as key
shares that sounds my own way but I
can't do it by myself which is why I
need people like yourselves and others
to share this you'll really get together
so I love it mate and just on that note
the buzzer has gone off so this is the
part of the show where we get
interrupted we change the script we
change the pattern and we're just going
to go into a quick five 60 seconds
Q&A if you're ready yeah sounds good in
three two one
okay buddy the ability to fly or be
invisible or invisible for money or fame
[Music]
Netflix on YouTube YouTube Coke or Pepsi
oh would you rather know how you will
die or when you were dying when love or
money love summer or winter summer your
favorite place in the whole wide
right here and right now love it
would you rather speak all of the act
languages in the world will be able to
speak to animals all the languages if
you could abolish one thing in the world
what would it be darkness your favorite
song ever oh man Christmas is a
Christian song called how great how
great is our God not for me volumes read
minds or predict the future predict the
future okay okay but time is up so so
you work with money didn't you at the
end rather than fame the money or fame I
think I went from money in the end
because yeah with money you can do so
much for other people I love it and I
think sometimes Fame can get in the way
Klein it because means is something that
drives parade and elegance for me person
you know something I have to check on a
lot absolutely I love it me I love it
okay so we're gonna go back into the
interview style of the questions again
now like I said you keep taking the
words out of my mouth at the minute so
in relation to a reflection I always say
hindsight's a wonderful thing and upon
reflecting we can always think of ways
where we can do things quicker or get to
a certain place earlier or easier but I
always say the journey teaches us a lot
as well and yeah it's something that I
feel everything happens for a reason
which is kind of what you touch them on
so if you can go back to say one moment
in your life where maybe you were
struggling or you really found a turning
point and you could fast track all your
progress knowing exactly what you know
now what would that time be and what
would you actually say okay um I think
this is difficult is fun I think because
you said you put a lot of emphasis on
the journey already I think it's the
journey that makes you who you are
and so I mean I think I had to go to
present I won't want to not I've gone to
prison because I think that was such
crucial integral part of my journey to
experience what I experienced I wouldn't
want to stop myself and go in there so I
don't think I would be Who I am today
but I think it's just something so it's
impolite I mean we always look inward so
often and when we look in words when I
have people upset and his diet is broken
then we look out but everything else I
look so much better I think just looking
up just the words look up I love that I
mean personally I've obviously been a
man of faith I'd say just look up mm-hmm
but the journey they say it's crew
it's hard it is may it molds you into
the person that you are mice well I
suppose it's more for the fact that the
reason I always ask this question is
because I wouldn't change your journey I
wish you suffered less pain in your life
personally but at the same time I'm
grateful that you've been through your
journey and you come out the other side
because mate you're gonna do amazing
things in the world and I truly believe
that but I just feel that if say for
instance there was another carbon copy
of yourself but we can just take away a
little bit of their pain maybe and a
little bit of their hardship if there
was something that we could necessarily
say for I take your own I take your
answer on board I think it's fantastic
answer so thank you thank you so there's
only really one more question that I
always like to ask my guests for the
listeners and that is basically if say
for instance in 150 years time we are no
longer about and you know here's a book
on the table and this book is about you
so what would that book be called and
what would the blurb at the back of it
tell us about Ashley Nixon I stuffed me
that what would the book be Colin yeah
let's go from the blimp cuz I've thrown
that in myself here from darkness to
light no matter how dark has been this
journey of darkness will turn to I don't
know it's hard to think of a blurb on it
because blows becoming like trying to
capture all of what we've said or
paragraph it's I think no matter how
dark and how broken things can get there
is always a way out
and this story will show you the way out
will help you to be inspired to as well
I love it something along them lines I
don't know I have to pee I love it I
love that and just thinking out loud
what I would call it just on this I
would call it that's coming from
somebody who does it necessarily follow
God but I just think the lessons that
you just taught me today the lesson that
I live by anyway so it's kind of you're
saying stuff dumb like hold on a minute
is that in the Bible
really and that's fascinating for me
like I'm always eager to learn more and
try and become a better person so I
appreciate you for that I just want to
end this now because I think it's
important May and I know you're not
always on social media selling your
story I always try and get people to
sell their stories rather than you know
having to see people who are selling
courses and
all that shit on social media I think
it's more important people sell
themselves and they sell their true
story and what they can offer to the
world and I think you've got something
to offer so if there's one place that
people can connect with you what would
be the best way that people can reach
out to you I suppose Facebook he's the
one for me like I wasn't always on
social media was always into that sort
of thing but I recognized it is a place
where people connect so powerfully so
you know I mean and people share so much
of themselves on there and so I've got a
Facebook account on mine avid post there
is a bit more of my story on there for
people to recap over if they want to as
well so yeah it suppose Facebook
definitely and I don't mind people
saying formal questions the one okay
fantastic so for anyone listening please
do reach out it's actually mixing on
Facebook I'll put all the links and
everything in the show notes so you can
literally download it what I would just
say and again I'm not trying to add work
or anything it's just the kind of
thought off the top of my head is you
could potentially and maybe this is
something in the future mate is maybe
start a community it could be called a
little company could be called whatever
you want to call it right and I think if
you can get people who may be Christians
may be believers or people that have
sinned such a dark place because I'll
tell you something there's there's a
hell of a lot more people than just
yourself you have company this
transformation or or need this
transformation I feel that like you said
Facebook's very powerful maybe think
somewhere you create this a nice safe
haven for people where they feel safe
and I just think you've got a great
message mate it's been an absolute
pleasure speaking to you and yourselves
looting honestly it's been brilliant I
love to get you back on the podcast
again maybe with your missus or your
missus on a separate one because I feel
like everyone's got a story and I just
want to thank everyone for tuning in as
always thanks for listening and remember
this podcast is absolutely free so all
we ask in return is for you to share
this with a friend and drop us a 5-star
review over on iTunes
have an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 4 - F*ck it by Joshua Asquith
Joshua Asquith, is a genuinely loveable guy. He was a talented athlete destined to do great things, which he did. A World title in New York for kickboxing, semi professional football, acting in Macbeth to modelling he had the world at his feet.
Until the death of his two close friends suddenly rocked his world. He then got hit with Quinsy illness along with more health complications. But with a mindset of a true champion, my UK Rock (a nickname I give him) has found a way to control what he can control.
His mindset. He adopts a F*ck it mentality but the most beautiful thing about his story is, he sees himself as “ The luckiest man in the world”.
I urge you to follow his story and watch this space as he comes out of his comfort zone to prove that physical or mental challenges should never stop you from being average or giving up.
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/josh_asquith/
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to the show today so this episode of
find your voice has really changed my
perspective and I suppose this is one of
the reasons I wanted to do this show
because I believe everyone has a story
and there's some powerful stories out
there that just not being told now I'm
very grateful for my guests coming on
the show because although I know him
through the property world I had no idea
about the other things that were going
on in his life now at such a young age
he has done more things then more things
than I've done and he's done things that
I suppose I wish I could have done but
more importantly than that I'm more
significant to this story and I hope you
can extract this from the end of the
podcast is how he's persevered through
so much adversity and when I say so much
adversity I mean there's a point in the
podcast where I've kind of had to stop
him listing the amount of stuff that
he's going through for the simple fact
that why it was hard to comprehend but -
I felt like the message was already
there and I'm here to get him back at a
later stage so we can obviously explore
that a little bit more but I remembered
and somewhere in the podcast you're
gonna hear this I refer to him as the UK
rock now I'm not talking about that
stick of candy that you get up that pole
pleasure Beach I'm talking about rockers
in the Dwayne Johnson because he gives
me inspiration or watch him on Instagram
and it gets me to the gym in the morning
it makes me kind of eradicate my excuses
but this gentleman that I spoke to does
the same because he's battling far worse
then Dwayne the rock Johnson at
such as young age as well and his story
is still being written I've managed to
bring him out of his comfort zone to
share his story so hopefully you guys
can appreciate that and I do appreciate
you time because it's difficult
sometimes sharing some of the stories
and there are some points in this
podcast which I don't even think he's
family knew about as well so I'm gonna
stop rambling and let's check out this
episode
okay so firstly I just want to begin by
welcoming Joshua to the show so how're
you doing today my friend very good
thank you you yeah not too bad thank you
not too bad so I just want to say thank
you for taking time out of your day
firstly and I've briefly introduced you
in the introduction myself but I think
it's important for the listeners to get
a feel for who you really are and to
hear from yourself so if you wouldn't
mind if you could just explain how you
basically progress through life and
ended up where you are now okay
so well first of all thank you for
having me no you're welcome anything
like this before so this should be fun I
think it's probably easiest to start
where I am now it's not a particularly
long journey but it's quite a packed one
I'm 24 I'm Josh I'm a physiotherapist
and I'm currently just hopefully gonna
be a property investor soon all things
being well God willing you will be so
start another child I am I was really
really lucky I had a really nice mother
she gave me everything she works all
hours of the day so much so that for the
first few years of my life I really saw
that much of her cuz she was always just
kind of working hard and slaving away to
give me and my sisters a good life I had
an amazing step dad and I had a
intermittent real biological father
throughout reels a bad word my Stefan is
my real dad book and biological father
and I saw every couple of weekends and
came down to Birmingham because that's
where his family are so I got to have a
little bit of my black heritage a mixed
race by the way because you can't really
see it no I Rachel whatever you want to
call it and played a lot of sports
being a kid through school and I am also
did a an African recreation of Macbeth
with some really famous actors which was
really interesting experience although
it kind of fit with some of the things
that I went to go and do in my teens so
in my teens I am through school was
fairly normal with the exception of I
was fighting as a kickboxer for Great
Britain
so from kind of why I went when
traveling around New Zealand with my
family in year eight of school so I was
probably 13 got back start playing some
football got given some trials for a
local football academy near me and they
were preseason trials so I went through
Google to see if I could find somewhere
that keep me fit over this summer found
this place advertised as fitness
kickboxing
I fell in love with it very quickly and
from then on I kind of never went to the
trials never pursued it that much
further and started fighting I had my
first fight fortunately or unfortunately
for me it was with the current world
champion from my age group and my weight
and did really well
- just somehow scrape a victory off him
he's now one of my really good friends
actually and then from then on I kind of
thought well maybe I'm not too bad at
this so stuck it out eventually carried
on fighting every week around the
country and then ended up fighting for
Great Britain which was really nice got
to travel around the world then got my
first proper world title in New York
which was kind of cool went out there
then I came home went back to school for
a few days
when then we're back to training and
then got called up to go and fight I
think that my next one was I picked up
in Florida mm-hmm then I did I went to
fight for a European title in Rome
brought my toe in the finals it's kind
of like knockout stages to get there
brought my toe in the final came really
close second then yeah so I kind of just
carried on traveling got to see some
what got to see some really really cool
places like Sicily Serbia
and then I managed to keep up my grades
through school so kept my mom happy kept
my stepdad happy and then I got to about
17 and it all started to change quite
rapidly from there can I just stop you
just for a quick second just before we
go into that so obviously you've had a
very very dull boring life and not not
really done much but they're just so
many questions that it's almost like
watching a listen to a movie so I just
wanna ask you a couple of questions just
quickly then would jump straight back
into where you weigh the cost so you
played Macbeth it was that sort of like
was it a school role or was it sort of
an external audition or oh yeah sorry so
it was kind of there was an arm to the
young Shakespeare come okay they were
kind of doing some diverse work they
were travelling around the country and
there's some adult actors in it as well
and I just I don't know how I came about
having this audition but ended up
auditioning for this role and then I was
in a park in Salford called Horton park
with my mum just having a picnic and she
got a phone call saying that I'd been
accepted to play the role of young
Macduff Wow all right Mac Duff sorry so
it was Macbeth that was the math was
that play my role was young Magda right
okay shows how much I know about
Shakespeare okay have you done any sort
of acting since then or that was the
last of my kind of theater acting I went
I wanted to go back into it and then got
sidetracked by football but then when I
turned about 17 mm-hmm I actually know
16 when I left school I went back into
acting kind of by accident okay and
another one I've got here is kickboxing
so I grew up as a massive massive Van
Damme fan fan I'm not sure if you if you
know him I do I'm fantastic
I would have loved to have done
kickboxing and so kick box for Great
Britain that's fantastic but then you
went on to football as well yes
Wow okay out of the two if you have to
choose one and if you could have pursued
it for the rest of your career which one
would you have gone with
very very very good question I wouldn't
kick boxing I would say okay yeah I'm
passionate I love football I'm really
really passionate about football what
kickboxing gave me a and kind of
extended family around the world hmm
and in terms of the places you've been
you mentioned Sicily with what was what
would you say was the greatest place
that you've seen oh the most interesting
place I've seen was Serbia I think oh
wow why'd you say that because where we
stayed we got as with the Great Britain
team we got pop in a five-star hotel and
this five-star hotel was kind of like a
it was built within a mall or the mall
was it built within the hotel I don't
really know which one but it was huge
but as he looked across the road you saw
all the old war torn houses it still had
bullet holes in them and things like
that and it was a reality shock it was
one of those places where you have to
get police escort around with you from
Britain and oh wow that must've been
some experience yeah it was sorry yeah I
just had all these questions thinking oh
my god this guy's done a lot we're not
even at 17 yet so yeah sorry if you want
to continue from 17 you said it went a
little bit downhill yeah so it didn't go
straight downhill it kind of seems a
peak fairly early I was playing football
and we're playing an elite called the
Northwest Youth Alliance which is
essentially the the Youth League of the
semi-pro football teams around the
Northwest and it was kind of like the
highest non professional
semi-professional level you could be at
below 18 if you weren't in one of those
Pro slash semi-pro first team selections
so I was playing there and having a
really really good time really enjoying
myself and I'd also signed to a modeling
agency
at that point for a little bit of extra
money and there is between shoots where
hour between castings
well I'd actually been cast there was
the occasional day of extra work and one
day I got a phone call saying do you
want to do a day of extra work and I
thought kind of thought well it beats
going to college so yeah did a day of
extra work up to do my college work
there anyway just quickly jump in on
that if anyone out there listening
this says they've got no time to do
anything extra I just not gonna believe
him because I don't know how you'll fit
in all this in sorry carry on me of
course and so I kind of did a few more
days of extra work and then it kind of
just evolved into doing a few one-line
roles in different TV programs and then
I joined then after that I thought maybe
I should learn what I'm doing so
enjoying like a drama group that's
really well-known in the northwest and
joined a drive during an acting agency
and was being put forward for some
really good roles and at that time I was
also just about to hit sponsorship from
one of the kind of biggest martial arts
fight companies that were around at the
time so it's doing really well as
playing well at football my grades are
going well at college and then all of a
sudden I got back to got back to college
and I was just having a few days off
from everything that was doing just to
try and recover recuperate and I was
driving from my mom's to my Nan's
which was not very far away less than a
mile away and I remember getting a phone
call down a one-way street and I
answered the phone on speakerphone and
chucked it on the front sea and it was
just somebody in floods of tears and I
thought why are you calling me in foot
to tears and it was a phone call to say
that one of my oldest ever friends had
got meningitis and died in the night
he'd got it the day before and he he
died in the night and I am so I kind of
just stopped the car and couldn't move
it mmm I had to put the phone down to
call my mom and ask her would she come
walk for the car and drive it around to
my Nan's mm-hmm
and I think that kind of I think that
was probably the start of maybe it was a
stress or something in my in my life
that started maybe it was something the
straw that broke the camel's back from
when I was carrying too much from do if
I'm acting fighting playing football
doing my college work oh I also had a
job at McDonald's which is just in your
spare a few hours yeah so it's kind of
like and now I was where I should have
probably been
leave I was I was working at McDonald's
for a little bit of extra money and I'm
yes I'll then I kind of a few weeks
after that I was grading for my black
belt and missed it quite a few times
though I'd have to go and do my black
belt and then a fight had come up and
I'd take that instead because thought I
was probably more important as part way
through my black garden I got this kind
of it was just a sore throat and my
black back was actually down near
Telford somewhere and I live in in
Bolton which is I don't know two hours
away or something like that
and I was and I got this sore throat and
welcome the next day no tonsillitis and
I thought nothing of it going to college
and have some salt water couple of
paracetamol see how it gets on all the
time I was kind of like trying to deal
with my my grief so I thought well
actually maybe just kind of felt bad
because I was in a bad headspace
and it was coming up to exam time and
all the rest of it and I am so it never
really went away so I went to the doctor
who's got some antibiotics it cleared
away for a couple of days came back and
that process kind of repeated about I
think it was 14 15 times I got some
slices in a row
between going to the doctors getting
painkillers and I'm one of those
occasions I am my at my mum's house the
floors are on different levels it's a
really old house and my mum's on the
very top floor my bedroom is on the
middle floor and I kind of there was a
point where I hadn't eaten anything for
about ten days I've lost 11 kilos in
body weight and I was just lay in my bed
just sweating and in agony and I
couldn't I went to take a tiny codeine
tablet to kill some of the pain and I
think it closed what little was left of
my throat so I couldn't so I kind of
crawled upstairs mom or dad's room and
that's kind of last thing I remember
so I got the hospital and they were they
said that you were very lucky because
you were if you'd come any later then
that kind of would have been the end of
you on that's what it said to my mom I
wasn't particularly awake for of course
yeah and this was what when your
17:18 yeah 17 on the brink of 18 so
eventually that cleared up happened
again and it was because of something
called Quincy's which are kind of
abscesses which sit behind these tonsils
and they're filled with just bacteria
which when they burst they give you they
can give you some really serious sepsis
but Maya just burst so I was lucky to be
in the hospital as mine burst so I was
luckier than most that get that then it
happened again about six months later
cut the rest of that story short because
it's quite a long story of me being out
is there a reason why that happened or
is it just literally like a bacterial
infection or was it a matter of you
being perhaps rundown or everything
because you were doing about 300 things
a day I think maybe it was being so
rundown and then being stressed because
what I forgot to mention was in this
other time there was a close friend of
mine it was a female friend of mine that
hadn't died sushi she had a headache
just never with a headache and it turns
out that she had a brain tumor so one
side kind of recovered from the couple
of rounds of Quincy's and my different
bouts of tonsillitis I am I had 18
months of what they call post-viral
fatigue syndrome which is essentially
just anybody's and there's kind of like
I didn't have the energy to do anything
for the first six months if I wanted to
get from my bed to downstairs
I would have to have somebody either
side of me because my legs weren't
really strong enough to carry me from
anywhere to anywhere and if if I so I
could manage kind of a longer landing to
the toilet because I could crawl it'd
take me a while so it'd be like I'm the
first woman black right set off now
because if you need a way then you want
to get caught short
so about I had about six to twelve
months of not being able to kind of be
left on my own for too long just because
I couldn't do anything for myself really
I couldn't I couldn't struggle to lift
my shoulders from the bed it felt like
somebody had nailed big nails through
the front of my shoulders and
into sorry if I went quiet because I was
looking at my shoulders just remembering
nice line into the bed then after that I
kind of thought oh well kind of on the
mend here now so I started to get a
little bit fitter and I thought right
I'll go back to football training so my
team were nice enough to have me back
went back to football training minus
three training sessions of me doing kind
of 25% of what the rest of the team were
doing and then I got home at one point
and my left knee just ballooned I don't
know if anybody's ever injured their ACL
but I've seen one but it's kind of like
you need your swells up goes purple but
and I thought or mine hasn't gone purple
so maybe it's something else but I
couldn't it was so strong I couldn't fit
my trousers on the next day so I thought
oh well I'll ice it and blah blah blah
rested it never went away went to the
doctors they gave me some
anti-inflammatories it never went away
they sent me to a consultant who did a
some keyhole surgery never went away and
then so they sent me to Rheumatology
Department to see what was going on
they sent give me lots of blood tests
and nothing came back positive they
drained the fluid couldn't figure out
what it was as soon as they drained the
fluid it came back every single time and
during this process it lasted about nine
months of me going back and forth all
this time I felt really lethargic and
just not like the old me that could do
all those other things I could barely
find the energy to juice go to college
or to just go and well I got fired from
my McDonald's job for being too ill and
so oh sorry you feel strange bringing it
all back I can only imagine so yeah from
from there kind of then as they kind of
figured out what was going on
it sort of deteriorated and it spread
from my knee to my left hip and then I
couldn't really use my left leg very
well a lot of the time which they
thought caused a problem in my right hip
turns out it was just the same problem
and then it moved up from my hip
two joints in my back and then it spread
up through the majority of my back it
spread into my fingers spread into my
toes and it got to a point where as I
got to a kind of I got through my
a-levels got really good grades somehow
somebody was looking over me gone to a
physiotherapy course as that kind of all
was happening I was just getting worse
and worse and kind of more and I don't
say disabled because it's not a great
word but I was I wasn't able to do the
things that to do anything and kind of
always felt like I had the flu my eyes
were always on fire and it messed with
the way that my urinary function worked
and all kinds of other problems and then
it got to a point where I just
completely intermittent that completely
could not move so in my second year of
university at the end of it I am I just
those days where probably three days out
of the week I was bed bound anyway this
is getting probably getting bored no no
it's not to be honest I mean in the
intro which everyone hears and one of
the reasons for this podcast is to
basically and to combat people's excuses
because I believe that we always look
and we always think the grass is greener
on the other side or we've got it worse
than other people and we always give us
our some rationale or reason in what we
can't particularly do something and the
whole premise behind this podcast itself
is to hear people who have gone through
such adversity but are still getting on
with it and just because at the end of
the day there's a guy interviewed the
other day and he mentioned you've got
two choices in life you either go
backwards or you go forwards and mm-hm
for me it's inspiring to hear you say
all this because even myself and I'm
guilty of this myself is I'm known as
the guy with the really poor immune
system because I always catch a cold
I've got a tissue in my hand as were
speaking now it's the kind of person I
am I'm always known for the guy with
Kleenex and people laugh I should have
shares with them but I've I've always
suffered but at the same time I've
almost become a victim of my own story
as well because I mean I'm here telling
people they shouldn't make excuses or
the stories we tell ourselves but
dictate our lives and I'm sitting here
feeling sorry for myself because I get
cold easily and I've just listened to
your story and I'm just thinking I've
got it so easy and and I'm sure I'm sure
people listening to this up it I think
in the same because when I first saw you
as well
I always recognized someone who keeps in
good shape and looks after him and
you've got very good physique you look
while you look like you eat well
training well and you've got all this
going on in the background and up until
this conversation now where I've
actually asked you specifically if you
would have mind opening up just for
their listeners you've never mentioned
you never mention any of these excuses
so I think it's admirable to be honest
mate and it's inspiring so I wouldn't
for one second think it's boring I think
thank you people should hear this and
people should take inspiration from it
because I'd be very shocked if someone
listening to this has had that much
trauma and not to mention at the age of
17 you've also lost two of your best
friends I mean I I've dealt with grief
and I'm sure many of my listeners and
even some of the people I've interviewed
have dealt with a lot of grief and loss
of family but I was what 26 27 wouldn't
when it happened to me I don't know if I
had the emotion of stability at 17 if I
had gone through what you'd gone through
to manage the same way so please
continue
honestly it's inspiring me okay as long
as I'm not boring anybody no I'll make
basically I managed to get through
University with a few other challenges
which I'll touch on later but he got to
a point it kind of everything that was
going through reared its head kind of
last year so up through all the still
from kind of age 17 to age 24 yeah 24 I
kind of I was kind of plowing on yes but
nothing ever felt right like I never
felt like I had the energy to do what I
was doing but I was doing it anyway but
I never felt like I could my attention
span dwindled massively and and it was
just hard to kind of couldn't have make
a plan because I didn't know whether I
was gonna need my crook shoes or whether
I was gonna be bed bound or whether I
was gonna be okay to go and walk
somewhere
and it wasn't all doom and gloom within
this because at one point I was on
really really high dose of steroids
and I felt like Superman for about so
that explains your physique then 2021
and I just managed to kind of keep it
from there I suppose I got I got lucky
there but throughout all of this I was
kind of despite the fact that I couldn't
so
explains what really said last year or
even this year as opposed to a certain
extent it kind of I got to a point where
I was on my crutches for two or three
days a week I was stuck in bed for two
or three days a week then the other
couple of days a week I was kind of I
was I wouldn't say okay but I was good
compared to the other bits so sometimes
I'd have a couple of days where I was
good sometimes I'd have one day
sometimes out of four days I've never
really know so I couldn't really make
any particular plans and I got to a
point where it was creeping up my spine
so much that driving to work as a I'd
always be on my crutches at work as a
physiotherapist which came with its own
set of challenges not one not only being
the jokes of all maybe you need a physio
or can I help you where there's kind of
like eight speed bumps between there on
the route that I take to the clinic
where I work and see most of my patients
and those peoples are only you could
easily do thirty miles an hour over them
and not particularly feel it but my back
was so sore that by the end of those
speed bumps there was a I'd have to turn
left a junction some traffic lights and
I would have to pull the car over at the
traffic lights loved to get out of the
car just to try and catch my breath
because I was so I was so winded and
I've broke I've been kicked in the ribs
and broken them
semia I've had all sorts of pain book I
was in so much pain
every day going over these people I just
had to pull the car over and just gasped
for air just to try and just so I could
finish my journey to work Wow
all the time while this was happening I
was trying different medications which
weren't helping with the pain but one of
them is a it's quite a commonly used
drug in rheumatology it's called
methotrexate and it's in the
chemotherapy family and it the side
effects that fairly similar you don't
tend to lose your hair but the side
effects such as vomiting and so I would
take my medication on Monday and spend
Tuesday and Wednesday kind of over the
toilet bowl when I could get there and
and I would have to excuse myself from
my patients or I'd actually just take
days away from clinic or I'd just break
into random sweats while I was talking
to people and just almost saturate
myself in sweat as a as a side effect of
the medication and I am I had some other
health problems that going on at the
same time so kind of 18 months ago they
found I had an x-ray just to track the
progress of the disease through my
joints and they found a tumor in my hip
so for the past few years with the past
few years for the past few months being
under investigation for some cancer in
my hip all of the medications that had
been taken it kind of slowed my kidney
function down to below 20% so those
talks of me needing some specialist
kidney treatment or potentially getting
to the point where I'd need a kidney
transplant if things didn't pick up and
yeah so that's kind of my health story I
kind of lost for words to be honest erm
I think more importantly just currently
I wish you all the best with the cancer
scare hopefully is just a scare I know
cancer has affected millions of people
across the world is is broken through my
family as well so mm-hmm it's something
that I don't know I just have a bad bad
taste in my mouth when I think of cancer
so hope hope to God and I'm not a
religious man but I pray you know you
recovery I think you've been I think you
could do with a little bit of luck mate
to be honest because you've sort of
collected everybody's illnesses and how
you still manage to keep smiling and
still keep going and you're not sitting
there making excuses and I'm actually
amazed because luck
said earlier this is the first time
we've spoken really in-depth about about
your life and stuff I mean looking from
the outside it's a completely different
perspective I mean nobody would think
that you've been through half of this
and and I'm sure you could probably
speak for another 20 minutes on some of
the stuff that you're experiencing and
I'm not trying to move past that because
I think it's important but I think the
lesson is here already that people
should really just feel grateful for
everything that we have and it's the
little things in life
we're often chasing some sort of
destination in terms of it's going to
give us happiness when we've got
everything that we technically need if
we just look at it in the right way to
be happy now I've got a lot of
admiration for you mate you're young as
well so you keep going and hopefully
things will just start turning back
around for you I believe that your
thoughts matter as well so I'm not quite
sure how you are in terms of your your
mindset and stuff but I do believe and
I've done a bit of research I know I'm
not an expert that how we speak to
ourselves can dictate our physiology
mm-hmm I know for myself for example if
we use the analogy that I used to be
scared of dogs and if somebody mentioned
a dog for example my physiology would
change I would almost mmm as if the dog
was there and I think here I think
people are aware of sometimes their
thoughts it might not necessarily be
like a spider or a snake but sometimes
we're giving ourselves these fearful
thoughts that are affecting our
physiology so hopefully you're working
on your mindset I'm sure you are I know
you're doing pretty much everything else
so hopefully you're developing on that
and if you wouldn't mind if I could just
because I'm fascinated by how you keep
going and I'm sure listeners are
probably thinking firstly how is this
guy doing all this in 24 hours and then
secondly with all these complications
that you've got but if you could just
explain a day in the life of your life
now so say for instance from the moment
you wake up to the moment you go to
sleep because I just think it's
important because if there are people
that out there making excuses for what
they can't do stuff or they're just
feeling a bit under the weather and
myself included in that I'm not perfect
thank you just how of course yeah so I
don't have a set routine because I've
never been able to have a set routine
because I don't know whether I could
actually make our bed to do my day or
not but I do
certain things that that do regardless
of whatever condition I wake up in and
the first thing I do is I wake up and
contrary to what everybody tells you is
I checked my phone and I checked my
phone in fear that somebody has sent me
something that would be something I
couldn't get over maybe I've lost all
that I wouldn't like to see maybe I've
lost a family member or something and if
that's not the case then I go straight
into believing that I'm the luckiest man
I know which puts a smile on my face
Absalon I'll put something I put some
nice music on usually it's a song called
the fire by John Legend and the roots it
inspires me that song and or something
by Stevie Wonder or something just
something half-baked something that I've
heard and something that keeps me in a
good place and then if I can move I'll
get up and I'll have a dance to this
song well nobody's watching absolutely
right luck cheers me up a bit and then I
love that attack my day home usually if
I haven't some kind of thing planned in
the morning I will be awake two and a
half hours before it if possible just
because if I'm if I wake up and I'm
incredibly sore and stiff then sometimes
I can feel a little bit better in two to
two to three hours time something like
that so I just give myself that gap for
just in case but that's kind of my only
daily routine I suppose okay okay and in
terms of exercise and stuff I mean I
think you've done enough exercise by the
way to last a lifetime
but if we are talking about exercise
because I believe and I always try and
promote with my clients as well that
exercise is fundamental because you can
literally take some of the the main
things from that in terms of like
resilience and building calluses and
stuff into anything so do you still are
you still able to exercise maybe two or
three times a week or do you kind of
knock that on the head and look look at
more on how you're feeling and then
assess the day as you go on if I
physically can do something then I will
do it
I believe that rule that I have so if it
means that I have to crawl to a place to
do some exercise
where my bottom half doesn't work and my
top half does then I'll do what I can
with my top half Wow and that is my only
rule so sometimes it's just my left side
which I can't stand on or can't use or
then my right side is perfectly looking
I'm looking after two sides and that
side will work or if it's my right side
that doesn't work then maybe my left
side is useful so I try my new actually
have a mutual friend that put my state
is about fitness goals and my fitness
goal for this year is to do whatever it
takes to be well enough to be
consistently able to go to the gym and
do what I want
twice a week by February 21st so you can
home it to that I've already made you've
actually got me feeling guilty now
because I did some cardio in the morning
and I was planning on doing a leg
session around 12:00 and I had a little
bit of Dom's and I was like now I'm not
gonna do it and I wish I'd recorded this
early because may inspire me to get my
ass to the gym because I feel bad now
but I just loved what you said then I've
just made a note of it I'm lucky enough
to have two sides and I think that's
incredible because that's perspective
and I suppose maybe you've kind of been
forced into this reality I think a lot
of people go through adversity and it
makes them stronger and they do very
well on the flip side you get people who
go through adversity and they just sit
there and feel sorry for themselves a
hole their whole life you also have
another set of people I believe on a
macro level who don't really necessarily
have the adversity or haven't
experienced it yet and they're kind of
waiting for it they're kind of waiting
for that wake up wake-up call
and I just wish that they could get some
sort of inspiration or motivation or
whatever you want to call it from
somebody like yourself because like like
you mentioned previously like with with
the death of your your friend and like
life could just be taken away tomorrow
or your own capabilities I mean you were
in an extremely talented athlete and all
of a sudden now you're kind of very
grateful just to be able to go to the
gym twice and I just find it that
sometimes we think I will leave it till
tomorrow we'll leave it to next year and
that's not promised it's it's a shame
you don't actually actually I'm not
trying to give you another job here but
it's a shame you don't you don't you
don't post more often
about your life and story because I'll
tell you what you didn't fire a lot more
people because I get inspired by people
like say for instance the rock and I
think the whole world loves the Rockies
kind of like the ultimate guy and
sometimes you feel like you can't be
bothered to do something you'll see you
stay ascent boom you're off but for
yourself to get there mate you are you
are actually my UK rock at the minute so
that's a new name for you so keep it up
but if you do get time I think the world
would love to hear a little bit more
about you and hopefully this episode as
well will give give them a little bit
more of an insight into into your story
because it's fascinating so far me
really enjoyed it and I've also got a
I've just made a note I need to listen
to the fire by John so that's someone
next list I'm gonna move it over and I'm
gonna move it over to fears at the
minute you seem kind of unbreakable to
me but if I was to ask you what your
biggest fear is given that you've been
through so much already
would that be I thought thought long and
hard about this question and I mean I'm
gonna give you a bit of round the houses
answer and so I'm kind of scared of
everything there's not many things in
life that doesn't scare me
kind of walking down the street scares
me to an extent but by that same virtue
there's nothing really that scares me
because everything seems to scare me an
equal amount so I'm not gonna be pirate
if I'm not paralyzed by a paralyzing
condition I'm not gonna be paralyzed by
my fears especially if I'm scared of
everything in everybody so there's not
really anything that scares me
other than mediocrity I suppose I don't
particularly believe that I was put here
to be mediocre and fall into the crowd
and to be and just to not make a
difference to anybody else's life so I
think not filling that purpose that I
believe I've held and that's kind of
scares me I love that well in this
conversation may I feel like I just feel
closer to you as a person now I don't
haven't you opened up and I've got a lot
more respect not that I never had any
more respect anyway that kind of come
out the wrong way but generally
listening to your story and
understanding what you said I've got so
much admiration for you and I was I sit
here sometimes and I I do a lot of self
talking mm-hmm what I always do is I was
safer in somewhere can I always give my
self his self talk like I'm the baddest
on the planet for example it's kind of
like a David Goggins thing love it who
else is working at 5 or 5 a.m. in the
morning and now all of a sudden I know
what I'm gonna be doing in the morning
I'm gonna be thinking Joshua's work you
know he's ill he's got about six jobs to
do he's gonna go to Mackey's and we
apply for a job because he's bored I
better get going so I'm May hats off to
you honestly I salute you thank you so
normally at this stage I kind of jump in
and ask people about adversity and and I
don't even know where to start with you
mate because I think you've had obstacle
after obstacle after obstacle that you
you seem to be facing but but I'm gonna
ask you anyway because I'm sure there's
that there's a lesson here for the
listeners here that they can take away
so if you could just tell me about a
time that you faced great adversity
something that you haven't maybe
mentioned at the minute and how you
persevered through it and then if you
could just explain the lessons and what
he's taught you because I think someone
like yourself who's given given that
example it's gonna mean a lot more than
somebody just reading a book or reading
a quote yeah so and I'm gonna pick a
period of a couple of months in my life
where everything kind of went a little
bit wrong I'm gonna choose the Christmas
of the end of my second year at
university and so they'd reached a point
where as I've mentioned before I wasn't
particularly fit enough to go and work
as a I would have worked as a waiter or
something because that's what I've done
in my bits where I was fitting like my
first year Union College and there was a
point where I wasn't fit enough to do
any of that my student loan wasn't
particularly covering my rent at all
I had a bursary to train which didn't
which covered me to eat and a few of my
bills but I was kind of like 1999 pounds
into a 2,000 pound overdraft and it was
about the Christmas and it was about
Christmastime so I was kind of I asked
my during that time as well I should say
that my um my stepdad had left my mom so
and just because they parted ways at
which meant that I was kind of the one
that was there to kind of I was up till
4:00 in the morning with my mom or with
my sisters who were just kind of all
devastated by it and at the same time I
deadlines to me etc and and all that
time I had bills that I couldn't pay so
it was kind of a point where I had asked
my mom for Christmas could I have some
money to buy my younger and my older
sisters and some Christmas presents
there's otherwise they wouldn't have got
anything from me and I would never have
them miss out just because I'd
mismanaged my money or whatever and so
all the time whilst this was going on my
my nan on my mom's side had got a
serious case of rapidly deteriorating
outsiders where we couldn't care for her
anymore
and so we had to try and find her a home
and my nan was kind of the one which
which brought me off as I said at the
start when my mom was working so hard
and was working really hard and and my
stepdads dad got some got Parkinson's
and so we were trying to find ways to
help him so I'm just trying to keep
everybody afloat because I was the one
that that kind of just brushes stuff off
because I've ruined everything else off
and Kevin Hart says he shoulder shrug
stuff I just kind of brush it off I
don't really have much alders but I got
to a point where it kind of all got and
it just all the time it was just I was
just kind of I couldn't make head or
tail of anything because I was I had so
much to transfigure out out and
everything hurt so much physically and I
couldn't I was trying to figure out
bills and I was trying to do my
assignments so I didn't failing it kept
behind I'd already been kept behind in
college and I definitely didn't want
that feeling again so there was a point
where I kind of when I'd gone back home
there was a
a good bridge him Bolton that's quite
high and quite secluded I took myself to
it and just kind of thinking about what
what the consequences would be here if I
was just to kind of take a trip and look
at the bottom of it I don't know what I
kind of don't know what what stopped me
I think it was just the fact that I
couldn't
everybody was suffering so much already
that I wasn't gonna make them suffer
anymore anymore
yeah and that was I think that was
probably like my well at least I thought
that was my rock bottom and then after
Christmas there was a whole host of
bills which I'd never which didn't even
account for just cuz my head was
spinning so I ended up about three
thousand pounds into my two thousand
pound overdraft and I couldn't didn't
want to ask anybody because everybody
was already suffering with their own
problems at home so I just kind of I
think that was probably my moment of
adversity now of anything else that I
kind of struggled with the most and I
think I got through it I found a Jim
Rohn video on YouTube and watch that and
that kind of made me feel a little bit
better and then I read a couple of books
like The Alchemist and thought actually
my life doesn't have to kind of be this
way so for well the most immediate
problem that I can affect is my money
problem so I learned a couple of new
skills that learn a little bit of online
marketing and look we found a way to
sell those and made my broke even and
then my student loan came in so I had a
little bit of money and so I could buy a
couple more presents for my better half
and I didn't have to worry so much then
about the bills for my rent and stuff
like that so that was kind of nice and
from there I kind of thought well
there's no real situation that says
that's as bad as that and I've been kind
of smiling ever since to be honest I
think reflecting on everything that has
been with my friends my family etc it
kind of that's why I think I'm the
luckiest man I know cuz
come through it all and I still got
majority of my family still got the
majority of my friends and still got an
amazing dog lovely girlfriend and I've
managed to get a really really nice
career so yeah I love that I'm just very
glad firstly that you didn't make the
wrong move that day at the bridge
because I think the world and your
family and your friends and even myself
now getting to know you more you would
have all missed out mate and I mean that
sincerely you also touched on a very
good thing there as well I think when
you when you've been at rock bottom and
I don't wish this on anyone who hasn't
been there but sometimes I feel that if
you've been rock bottom and you come out
of it then everything's a blessing like
you said you're the luckiest man that
you know in the world and I suppose I
see this from my mom I see from my nan
who have who have had similar adversity
to yourself and I used to laugh because
I used to relate them to an episode of
EastEnders I was like you've almost got
like a soap opera kind of life like that
the adversity that we've always gone
through and just hearing obviously
yourself one
it proves that everyone in the world is
going through something we're all facing
our own battles and stuff just to kind
of take the gratitude element from it
and move forward from it and having come
out of it so even if you moved one step
away so you move one step away from that
bridge now everything is it's so much
better that quite if that kind of makes
sense I think I think you've got the
right perspective now and I'd certainly
urge you because I'm sure you've got a
very very good Network knowing the
person you are and the piss and anything
that you've got that if ever you do feel
that things spiral out of control please
do always reach out I'm sure you've got
many people close to you as well that
you can rely on and one thing I realized
is when I used to struggle
I used to enclose a lot of stuff and
that's even from like my missus at the
time or my mom or my brother and it was
only when I started showing
vulnerability and I think for a guy
Vaughn durability is strength and we we
saw often me we have this provider that
we can't cry or we made her cry I cry
all the time you know I'm not I'm not
afraid to say that because
by me expressing my emotions and
speaking about it it just helps me so
much in terms of face and face in
whatever I'm going through and basically
dealing with it so I'm proud of you mate
and I can't believe a young you are to
show such intelligence you mentioned
also something else I just took a note
of which was about the managing money
and how you didn't when your sisters to
be without you took a kind of ability
for mismanaging your money and up until
probably the age of 25 myself I I had no
sense of responsibility so again like
your emotional intelligence is fantastic
so um was it awkward for you man I got
my fingers crossed for you we're on the
way up the buzzer has gone off and what
I'm gonna be doing now is putting you
through the paces so we're gonna see how
quickly you can think and how quick you
can answer as many questions as possible
let's do it there is no right or wrong
if you can't think just say pass and
we're gonna start the timer for 60
seconds in three two one
okay the ability to fly or be invisible
fly money or fame money Netflix or
YouTube YouTube Van Damme or Bruce Lee
Van Damme Coke or Pepsi pass would you
rather know how you would die or when
you were die pass summer or winter the
winter your favourite place in the whole
wide world grasmere in the latest rate
speak all languages will be able to
speak to animals animals if you could
abolish one thing in the world what
would it be
it's self doubt love that your favorite
song ever the fire read minds or predict
the future and put it in feature cats or
dogs dog have you ever been in a fight
then you know this hundreds and did you
always win no favorite movie star Amber
Heard pancakes or waffles pancakes
comedy or horror comedy singing or
dancing dancing okay and that's time but
I'm curious I don't know why you pass
but Coke or Pepsi mate I need to know
cuz I don't really care for either
alright okay
you don't drink any of them I do I don't
care okay okay well I kind of carry a
little bit just a personal thing I'm a
Pepsi fan anyway a Pepsi
expand so okay we're just pretend that
you like Pepsi as our yeah okay perhaps
they love it okay brilliant so we're
kind of coming towards the end of the
podcaster so we've just got a couple of
more questions that I really want to
just try and get from you so the next
one is about reflection that's a
wonderful thing and when we reflect we
can often think of ways to get to where
we are quicker or do things earlier or
perhaps move us towards that goal is
that little bit quicker but I guess the
journey also teaches us a lot as well
I'm a firm believer that everything
happens for a reason so what I want to
know is if you could go back in time to
one moment where you really struggled
and suffered with adversity and you
could whisper something in your ear so
if you use the example that you
mentioned I standing at the bridge and
knowing what you know now what would you
whisper to your 17 year old right in
yourself however old you were at that
time I would whisper don't be afraid
because pain and fear are your friends
if that's the way you see them okay I
like that because it is how we see
everything isn't it
yeah pain is fuel for me now now I
stopped my toll the other day and found
it really really funny because something
that pain is something that motivates me
to be more now it's made me stronger so
I'm gonna be strong then you are me you
are it's that's kind of them I don't
know if you follow David Goggins I
mentioned him earlier a little bit hmm
he's somebody who I'd certainly
recommend looking out for he's got a
couple of interviews on impact theory
okay and that guy's is incredible
because he kind of uses the whole pain
and basically pushing your body to to
his limits he's just got a new book out
actually I should be getting sponsor for
this by the way but he's got a new book
out called can't hit me and I listened
to it and honestly if I'm feeling lazy
for like an ounce of a second it makes
me feel like shit so it kind of like
listening to you today I feel really
motivated I feel inspired by your
stories the stuff that you've been
through it's made you the person that
you are today and you're gonna help so
many other people and it's by a book I
think you've just got a brilliant
perspective on it and that brings us to
our last question so the last question I
always like to ask my guess is if in 150
this time and there was a book and
somebody come across it and it was about
you about Joshua well I wanna know is I
share one or two things so I'm just
adding a question in here first I want
to know what the title of that book
would be and secondly I want to know
what the blurb would say okay well the
title of my book would be can I swear
you can say whatever you are me the
title of my book would be fucking
because one thing I've learned is that
you never really know what is gonna
happen so fuck it whatever happens
embrace it enjoy it whether it's painful
or pleasurable or whether whether is
whether it happens to you or somebody
else enjoy it embrace it learn from it
and use it to feel you to go further so
yeah I'd say fuck it cuz that's kind of
what I say whenever anything happens I
love it and the blue and the blurb would
say he enjoyed every day that he lived
his dog was his best friend
no it would say that I enjoyed every day
that he lived and he was the most
grateful man he knew and he never he had
a lot of pain and suffering but he never
really suffered yeah I'd say that's me I
love that endearment I love it and to be
honest you're probably one of the most
grateful people I know as well so it's
been a privilege before I and I just
want people to connect with you
hopefully that's okay with yourself yeah
cool I think your story is just starting
like I said you're very young
got all the years ahead of you you've
got you're gonna do amazing things and I
genuinely mean that whether it's in
property or whatever it is
who knows you might be you might be in
the theaters might be the great showman
- who knows but I think before we leave
if you could just let us know just just
one place that people could reach out to
you maybe connect maybe have a
conversation with you because I feel
like
there's so much more in your story and I
think you'll inspire so many people may
be going through adversity and they can
learn so much from me yeah my I'm
actually in the stages of writing a book
because there's lots that I left out of
this interview so there's lots that I
can share with people and I would love
it if as the same courtesy you extended
to me if I could extend to everybody
that's listening that if they are ever
still freed and feel like they're at
rock bottom and please contact me and
I'm gonna give up my Instagram because
I'm currently in the at the beginning
stage of rebranding and this is the one
thing that which won't be rebranded it's
just Josh underscore Asquith that's a
squ i th all but the actual links and
everything in the show ops anyway just
in case anyone didn't get that spelling
as for the book mate if you've got a
title let me know if you haven't closed
it to the time please let me know
because I'll make a pledge now I'll be
the first to purchase that I think it'd
be fun lastly thank you like I said
earlier there's nothing boring or
mundane about your story it's it's
inspiring and you truly inspired me I
think people like the rock and all those
people yeah it helps me when I go on
Instagram in the morning but seeing
somebody who I know in real life and I
spent some time with and I've got a lot
of time for just in the back of my mind
now I could see myself in the morning
just be like fuck it let's go to the gym
self I love it mate I just want to thank
you one more time for taking time out of
your day
no thank you please do reach out to Josh
and as always thanks for listening and
remember this podcast is absolutely free
so all we ask in return is for you to
share this with a friend and drop us a
five star review over on iTunes have an
awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 3 - The Art Of Connecting With Ourselves by Theodore Treveil
Theodore Treveil also known as Theo, knows what it is like to hit rock bottom. He has had a life of so much adversity and hardship that rather than killing him, it has only made him so much stronger. Determined to find his voice and show the world he was more than his current circumstances he often lay there visualing.
"Visualise, visualise, visualise" - Theo
From sleeping on the streets of Victoria Station to ridding himself of his drug addiction Theo has now taken a stand and truly connected with himself. In doing this his passion now is to touch as many lives as possible, with a 50,000 target next year. Titans Mastermind is his movement and is about becoming a Titan of your own life!
Let me assure you, this is one guy whos story you want to follow, as it has only just begun...
"Our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings influences our actions" - Theodore Treveil
Follow it below:
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mohamed.abdulrahman.54540
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people yes that is correct my
name is Aren and I am the host of the
show
so today's interview was a fascinating
interview it was I'd say certainly for
me it was definitely a game-changer and
the reason I say that is because in
hindsight there was so many moments when
I listened to it back where I kicked
myself I kicked myself for my poor
podcasting skills I kicked myself
because I never asked the right question
I kicked myself because I never accepted
silence and I kind of rushed it because
I was panicking about the recording and
the time and all of that stuff that you
probably don't think goes into a podcast
No one thing I will say is that I hope
you find that in some way motivational
or inspiring because you do not have to
be perfect to start a podcast you do not
have to have all your ducks in a row so
I kind of want you guys to take that on
board as well if there's something you
truly want to do just go out and do it
go ahead and do it pivot adjust and then
go forward again and that's what it's
all about but there's certainly times in
this interview and I'm definitely eager
to get him back for a second podcast
maybe in about six to twelve months time
where we really gonna hone in on some of
his answers because I think the
emotional intelligence that he showed
for being such a young man was
incredible and I hope you could take
away some of the insights and some of
the lessons that he displays and
hopefully you can follow him on his
journey as well because he is absolutely
right in his own story right now he has
found his voice and there's gonna be a
lot of good things coming from this
individual I'm very confident of that
and hopefully I say hopefully as I've
crossed my fingers right now which you
can't see my podcast goes
we'll improve as well so without further
ado let's get this podcast over the way
hi good morning Theo how we doing today
and fantastic today really excited to be
on this podcast really excited to have
you just for the listeners who are
listening me and Theo we exchanged a few
messages via I think it was Facebook
initially and just hearing a summary of
his story was I was quite amazed to be
honest it was so interesting it was
almost like a film created and then to
find out your age as well I think the
listeners are in for a treat so we're
just quickly I just want to get your
full name so it's Theodore travell is
that correct yes yes Theodore Wong okay
fantastic so so that's the name you're
all gonna look out for so we're gonna
literally start this for the listeners
at home just to kind of get to know you
a little bit so if you wouldn't mind if
you could just please explain how you
progress through life and ended up where
you are similar to kind of the story you
told me well it's been quite a
fascinating journey and it's a journey
that I have never anticipated it will
take me where I am today so it was only
quite a few years ago when I came across
network marketing from a friend I've
always been the passionate type and the
enthusiastic type even when my life was
completely the other way around
I've always felt a sense of I want to
help people I want to serve people I
want to do more for people and this was
my why and this driver was was what was
guiding me through a lot of challenges
and obstacles in life and so what has
happened was this drive that I had this
passion that I had it took me from a
life of crime a life of drug a life of a
lot of negativity and it brought me into
positivity but just when I thought my
journey was beautiful and it ended so
perfectly this was when I was really
tested and this was when I was really
challenged so my parents they were from
a very religious background and they're
from a very cultural background and
personal development wasn't something
that they really entirely got or
understood so I was going through this
mental transformation there's spiritual
transformation and emotional
transformation and they started the they
started becoming more alien to me and I
started to become more
into them and this trip into bought me
from network marketing into wanting to
start my own business coaching and
serving people and as this progressed on
one mindset just constantly just
continue changing changing changing
changing and then came a point where I
started to really question my identity
the person that my parents have brought
me up to believe I was the religion I
was brought up in the name that I was
brought up in I just challenged
everything because I just thought I
could not be a hundred and twenty
percent myself as I am being
indoctrinated with other people's
beliefs and volumes and rules
so first came okay I'm really
particularly believe in this religion
and I don't really think it's a religion
for me to be following and that was one
thing that I've let go off and then came
my name and then came he just every
belief every rules that my parents have
ever brought me up on I just questioned
their one at a time and the ones that I
like yes I okay you know there's a
compromise I can make that but the ones
that I thought was absolutely no this
was not going to serve me on my journey
this wasn't going to help me create a
reality that I want to create impact
lives how I want to impact are not let
go of them and this was quite a shock to
my parents because you know if someone
raises you want to be a certain way and
you want entirely the opposite way it's
a pan interrupts it's an interruption
mark so they were just very shocked
emotionally shocked and if just shocked
even it just even affected their health
to the point they had to go to hospital
and you know we raised our son this way
and now he's telling us he's entirely a
different way and they couldn't really
accept it they couldn't really tolerate
and soon enough I found myself outside
on the street homeless for three months
with nothing but just faith nothing but
belief and nothing but vision that you
know I was going to overcome this I was
going to continue believing and continue
having faith and continue going on
forward no matter what anyone says no
matter what anyone does and no matter
what anyone throws at me this is what I
am about this is my vision this is my
purpose I
really believing it and I'm willing to
make any sacrifice to run with it and
see it till the end Wow just in that
short little bit what you just said
there there's so many nuggets of
information that I think I just want to
quickly point out for the listeners if
you don't mind firstly your emotional
intelligence could you just let everyone
know how old you are
23 23 okay so anyone listening to this
this guy is 23 now if you're anything
like me at the age of 23 I had nowhere
near the level of emotional intelligence
that you you've just displayed there and
a couple of things you've you've just
pointed out there so religion obviously
I'm not here to talk about religion it's
not what this podcast is about but my
personal opinion is that obviously
people need something to believe in so
whether they choose religion or not one
thing you managed to find in that bit
which I just kind of highlighted I made
a note of list when you were homeless
for three months which we will elaborate
on shortly if that's okay with yourself
is you had the belief in something and
that's something I believe is yourself
is that is that right would you would
you agree with definitely a hundred
percent and the reason why was because
when I was first homeless I was looking
into some false or some energy and some
creator outside of me and now again like
you said I'm not here to talk about
religion or any of that or cover any of
that however the other part of when I
was homeless so for the other two from
the second month and the third month I
started believing more in myself I'm
understanding that I had the resources I
had the tools and I was forced within
myself Wow Wow just just there as well I
mean for anyone that follows self
development personal development
resourcefulness I think Tony Robbins
he's probably the Guru of personal
development that's something he speaks
about and I'll put my hand on my heart
and be honest here I'm 32 now and only
recently have I understood the power of
this sauce fulness which you're
demonstrating at such an early age is
served
I'm excited me I'm actually exciting or
what you're going to bring to the future
I think because you've got real-life
experiences as well that I'm sure many
people are going through or may go
through that hopefully they can
obviously resonate with your story like
I said after free month of experience in
homelessness it was just the most
powerful period of my life and why I say
because I've been in
development for three years it was only
within just a short period of three
months that I had to condense everything
really put it into practicality and so
at first when I was homeless it was I
was just so self-destructive I started
my old habit of smoking I had a very
quick mentality I had a very wise God
against me kind of mentality but then
later on and it's crazy like it's crazy
later on in the second third month I
just started meditating more and this
was when I was literally when I had no
idea where I was going to sleep or where
would wind up and I always winded up
either in hostels or strangest places
but I just I just had no more fear I was
just meditate and I was really connected
I was really like this is going to turn
out as it's meant to turn out and I
believe everything happens for us and
not to us and now after free month I
managed to find my own shared
accommodation and from there always just
going on to building my dream which I'm
currently right now in Wow
oh haha I'm actually getting goosebumps
listening to this is it's fascinating
just emulation to the drugs so I've had
experience of family members using drugs
a lot of alcohol abuse especially could
you elaborate a little bit on that was
that a dark period or was it just
recreational it was a very dark period
because when I was taking drug it was
also a period of my life or time where I
felt suicidal okay I felt like I just
want to kill myself but I didn't have
the courage or the determination to go
through with it so I thought what other
way can I you know slowly in my life and
I slowly and my dream cannot slowly just
end all these pain away and you know
it's very it was very II it's very easy
for me to judge myself and be like oh
that was a very bad action for me to do
in but the reality is I knew at that
time when I was taking drug I was doing
what I was doing to the best of my
knowledge and so therefore I always say
you do better when you know better and
that was what I knew at the time and
that's what I was using at the time to
relieve my pain but I felt like it was a
very important period of my life to I
needed to experience that and to go
through that in order to be where I am
today life is all about balance and
duality you know you don't know
if you don't know good if you don't know
bad so you don't know a terrible
experience
you don't know a great experience unless
you know a terrible experience so I'm
grateful I think you just touched on
something fantastic there as long you do
better when you know better and one of
the traits that you've you've definitely
highlighted in just this short amount of
time so far is a growth mindset and I'm
not sure how far your personal
development goes but growth mindset was
certainly something for me that I
suppose it affected my ego initially
because we think we've got it all
figured out and you know having that
fixed mindset and you're demonstrating
here that you needed to know better
in such a short amount of time and you
also touched upon something how your
habits was a congruent say for instance
with your vision but one thing I would
point out and this is more for the
listeners as well is that just because
you do something I if you an extra slice
of cake or something for example it
doesn't necessarily make you a bad
person that particular action I think
that's the problem with society we kind
of beat ourselves down almost
unnecessarily that's such a powerful
thing for you to say because I was only
sharing it on my social media friends
the other day that look there's no such
thing as stupid people
there's only people that do stupid
things our actions should never define
us and this was a huge lesson that I had
to learn when I was homeless that
whatever I'm doing right now and
whatever I'm experiencing right now it
isn't me it shouldn't define me yes I am
doing this and I should just enjoy it
while I'm doing it rather than feel
guilty and beat myself up about it
but once I'm done let me be
self-reflective let me say was that
really a wise decision why was I really
doing this what emotion what deep-rooted
emotion is there into this and how can I
heal that and love that so I can move
all of my lives just give me a moment
there it's fantastic um I want to this
is more for myself my own curiosity here
just one day of living she would call it
homeless or on the streets or wherever
you were living if you could just
explain that to people because I think
in society nowadays we kind of we see it
we feel bad for a few seconds but we
don't actually know the extent to what
it takes from a person if that makes
sense so if you could just pour upon
that a little bit please okay well one
particular and this was a period this
was a particular day where
I just felt like I hit rock like one and
that was where now when I went to that
night I thought I had a place here to
stay which I didn't and I only had
around a pound or so on my debit card
literally and my credit card I knew I
wasn't going to be able to book any room
and I know I'm going to be able to go
anywhere so I thought okay where can I
go and it seems like Victoria Station
seems to be the spot for a lot of
homeless people so I went to Victoria
Station and I was really tired
I was extremely exhausted bowels also
cold I was really cold so I couldn't
just sleep anywhere because I needed to
find somewhere which I couldn't so I go
on to Victoria Station I go in there
where all the coaches are and I'm just
pretending like I'm there sitting
waiting for a coach to arrive an hour
has went by two hours went by three
hours went by and I thought okay I can't
do this anymore so I found a big banner
and one of the places two big banners
and I put it together to hide myself
because there's a security guard there
that constantly checks around to see if
there's any homeless people sleeping and
then she kicks them out so I found two
big banners and then I put them together
to hide behind this corner and I was
sleeping there I was cold but I couldn't
feel my feet and it was really really
cold and this was a time to like can i
are now sleeping on the floor I wasn't
even stealing you know anything I was
rock floor to myself is there any more
rock bottom I can hit them this I have
no money
I've asked all my friends if I could
stay over their place and nobody really
had you know has that opportunity to let
me stay in a place and I'm here sleeping
on the floor and this was a time where I
was also working in peds Express so I
had a jaw I was sleeping in Victoria
Station and I had a job at the same time
so the next day I had to go back to West
Westville Center to go to my job wearing
the same clothes sleeping in the same
clothes and doing everything in the same
clothes and my mentality was literally
like okay this is it I can do it is I
don't want to do this anymore I want to
quit my job I just want to quit
everything I just want to quit my life
but it was also a beautiful period of
time because and this is what I say guys
visualize visualize visualize this was a
period of my time well sleepin on Victor
station I was sleeping on the floor I
was called but I closed my eyes and I
just visualized my future I just thought
okay you know what maybe I may not be
able to change my outside circumstances
and situations but I can most certainly
change out what I'm internally
processing him right now I do not
tolerate any of this to internally be a
part of me so I just closed my eyes I
could see myself standing on stage
speaking to people coaching clients
one-to-one be in a business doing what
it is that I'm passionate about and love
to do you know without any of these
obstacles becoming an obstacle and it
was so amazing because even at that time
when the security god came and she found
and she was like get out she shouted at
me I'm still okay with the house I came
to accept my reality knowing that this
one wasn't going to be my last and
reality and I just got okay okay let me
just go along with this and let me just
look brighter for him yeah let me look
to the next day and then the next day
came I went to my friend and an
opportunities just came network
marketing came and a lot of things came
and my friend actually allowed me to
stay over her place for a month so this
is the power of visualization Wow
I think I think you're a true example
and this is why I really wanted to kind
of get you on this podcast is that you
literally took control and you picked up
that pen and you started writing your
own story and this is kind of one of the
things that I always try and bring out
of other people is that throughout life
we kind of pigeon-holed into certain
ways for example do this because you're
good at it what you've kind of done is
you've sat back and you thought hold on
a second Who am I who is theall and
you've picked up that pen and even we're
probably a lot of people because I'll
tell you something
I mean I'm I can't handle any sort of
cold people that normally I'm constantly
got a hoodie on and I'm struggling so to
have that resilience and still have the
visualization like you said visualize
visualize visualize to believe that one
day you will achieve what you're doing
and now I know looking at your story now
you're there and that's fantastic so I
don't want to give too much away to the
listeners because I'd rather hear it
from yourself but what you're what
you've said there what you visualized
there is kind of what you doing now
isn't it so if you could just give us a
day in the life of the or now please
well I believe right now I wear on my
life it's ever-growing it's
ever-evolving but it's going
exactly in the right direction it's
meant to go out so alive for me today is
just I'm currently running programs and
courses 21-day programs and courses
teaching people exactly the step to step
that I used when I was homeless and when
I didn't have a place and even when I
was going through my struggle and how I
overcame that mentally because I really
believe it's our internal wall that
creates our external world and whatever
we are able to conceive within us we're
able to create outside of us so we only
have a lot of 21 day programs right now
that I'm doing and I've just actually
started running a mastermind group only
quite a few days ago called Titans
mastermind creating leaders that are
heart centered and that really want to
go and travel and inspire people to
become a more heart centered and to
becoming more authentic and genuine in
their work in their field of work
whatever that work may be and you know
doing these podcasts being able to share
my story and being able to be invited to
speak in on stage so I'm really really
grateful and I never take this
opportunity for granted because I know
within me I have experienced a lot and
I've learnt a lot and now I feel it's my
responsibility and duty to go out there
and to share with other people in order
for them to unlock their potential and
gift and create a reality that is
beautiful for them that is fantastic so
for anyone listening you've just heard
their and obviously at the end of the
show we'll give you direct access to
Theo but there's a there's programs out
there as masterminds but what I always
try and shy people away from is not just
going on the internet and looking at
someone who's paid a couple of thousand
pounds for a Facebook ad and he's
dressed up in a nice smart shirt what
I'm trying to find throughout this
podcast as well myself he's authentic
genuine people like Theo here who's
who's actually been there who can
actually tell you listen this is exactly
what you need this is the blueprint so I
urge anyone who's in that position to
reach out and can I be honest there and
I've done that I've tried I've tried the
whole because when I first started this
it's very easy to get into the idea that
we need to wear suit we need to sound a
certain way we need to look a certain
way we need to be a certain way in order
for us to be successful and that's why I
say yeah my personal growth
and your preneur journey really started
this shit because the past two years it
was exactly the same way I used to look
at people in suits and I used to think
okay let me wear soon let me cook you
what they're saying let me do what
they're doing and letting you go out
there and you're getting a client and
then I realized people really just buy
into hearts they don't buy like yes
image may play a contribution and make
play a little factor but really and
truly people buy into hearts absolutely
so that's what I'm really about in my
mission I'm not here to create 21st
century business people I'm here to
create 21st century heart centered
people I love that I love that message
and I appreciate your honesty there as
well and showing how you thought about
it initially so I've got I've got no
doubt and I'm sure people listening to
this have no doubt that you will achieve
all of this and create some amazing
people well I say create I think
everyone's already got it in themselves
you'll help them bring it out or suppose
so from the moment you wake up in the
morning are there other things or habits
that people could say copy for example
to kind of get that right mindset so
we've had guests previously who follow a
miracle morning or we have certain
people who anchor themselves to the gym
or a long run meditation I mean I know
you briefly touched on meditation
earlier if you could just give a couple
of key things that you make sure that
you get done in your day in order to
keep you moving forward before I share
that can I share something absolutely so
I'm gonna be sharing what I do in every
single day regularly in my morning
however as you listen to this really and
truly what I want is for you to find
what suits you what really resonates
with you and what really connects with
you it's not I might suggest a lot of
things like share I'm gonna be sharing
right now but you find what suits and
connects with you because I've tried
cooking in many other people's routine
and you know on a superficial level I
was starting to feel the difference but
on a deeper level I still knew it wasn't
really connecting with me and it wasn't
really making a lasting transformation
and ultimately that's what you should be
seeking for isn't a temporary
transformation it's a lasting
transformation sustainability yeah so
for me I tried the morning routine
morning miracle routine and only a week
ago I actually spot two
to go stop so what my morning routine
right now really consists of is and it's
just so simple but I actually really
feel the difference when I don't do it
when I do do it which is I do one hour
meditation but these meditations are
actually split into frees one meditation
is for forgiveness and love so anyone
that I've been holding on to that I feel
like I can't forgive just use that time
to forgive them and to let go of them
and just send them as much love as
possible but also send a lot of planning
and send forgiveness to the planet and I
feel like as I do that because as I do
that I just release whatever needs to be
released within me every single day is a
new day every single day is a new
chapter so for me it's an absolute that
I'm not taking whatever happened
yesterday or two years ago three years
ago even three months ago into my
present life into my present moment so
forgiveness and love is my first self
meditation the other second set of
meditation is visualization what do I
want my day to be like feel like what do
I want to accomplish today and I just
visualize it so vividly I don't mean on
a superficial level like hey I'm gonna
make a thousand a thousand a thousand
pounds I mean really coming from a place
where I know I'm I am right now I know
I've got the resources and tools in
order to make this a real day and my
last set of meditation is really
gratitude what am i grateful for I love
a quote that says here as you go on to
pursuing what it is that you want to
pursue don't forget to be grateful for
what you have today so my final
meditation is just great gratitude
gratitude not even just for the great
things in life but also for the things
that I have heard for the things that
kind of taught me a lesson because like
I said I wouldn't know joy had I not
known pain so I just take it all in as
one and I'm just so grateful for and
then after that when I finish all that I
do yoga I'm half an hour of yoga really
connect with my breathing because my
grieving is navigating me through life
buddies navigate through life and my
last thing I do is just join in it so
writing down what the experience was
like in terms of my meditation my yoga
what I am what I'm gonna enjoy about or
what I enjoyed about yesterday were I'm
gonna enjoy about today and just
anything journaling anything to
structure my thoughts to structure my
mind because you know we have twelve
thousand to seven
thousand thoughts a day so if we're not
able to structure a piece of paper we're
going to be confused about what it is
that we want from our life we're going
to be confused in where it is what we're
going and we're gonna make a very
indecisive decision Wow okay so just to
recap on that then so we've got the our
meditation which is looking at
forgiveness in love they move up the
visualization on a deeper level and then
gratitude followed by yoga journaling as
well okay fantastic and it's a great
point that you just said actually there
because and I should have picked this up
myself was not to just copycat someone
else because I've done it I've had all
these routines and I've sinned like
success for entrepreneurs that maybe I
Howard in high esteem and I've been like
okay if you can do this I can do this
but then you've got to look at your own
life and it's got to be sustainable for
your own life so if you're if you're
waking up at par 4 for example or the 4
a.m. club but then you're half asleep by
12 o'clock it's not really sustainable I
think that's a great point that people
should find their own stuff but I would
certainly recommend I mean most of the
stuff you mentioned there the great
leaders of the world all sort of
implement in their day so thank you for
sharing that I appreciate it so we've
touched briefly on your past and I think
adversity comes as one of the first
words when we think about your struggles
and how you've got to where you've got
to in this particular time if we can
just sideline the homelessness just for
a second and if you could just point out
one other particular time where you face
great adversity but you persevered
through it and what I want you to do is
if you if you wouldn't mind just take a
few seconds to really try and put
yourself back in that moment just to
kind of give the listeners some real
true authentic feeling of what it was
like and then how you got through it and
then obviously we can move on and see
what lessons you learn from that and you
know as you ask that question now I feel
really connected to my my emotion
because the reason being is I want to
share a quote with you that I came
across which is so powerful until this
day I live by this quote it's a
philosophy it's a way of life for me
which is I am not who I think I am I am
not who we think I am who I think you
think I am and so for me it's we we live
our whole life through other people's
lenses other people's perception
you know it's like really how much of
who we are is it really who we are and
so for me the greatest adversity I guess
I faced was when I was in that period of
time where I just thought okay you know
I can quit all this and this was when I
was at my friend's place you know she
was allowing me to live with her for a
month and then now I had to go out there
and I had to find my own place and I
just fought can't do this I really can't
do this what on earth was I thinking
you know really coming on my truth I'm
really living in my truth I'm still a
kid I still won't know what the hell I'm
doing I'm still young and I felt at that
period of time I just felt like I could
jump off a train track and I felt like I
couldn't care less that was when I was
under I was on the ground and I thought
let me just jump off there as you can
clearly see the pattern when I was
homeless there was a lot of times I felt
suicidal a lot it wasn't just once it
was quite intense quite a time so that
was my greatest adversity it was really
I knew what I wanted to do I knew where
I was going with this but then my ego
just started coming out of nowhere and
started challenging that and this is
what I'm going to tell you when you have
the courage and the determination and
the faith to go out there and to pursue
what it is that you believe in it's not
even what other people are telling you
that is the greatest challenge is what
you're telling yourself you know that
dull part of you that that self and I
can't do it I'm not good enough and
really intuitive what you need are
Short's office where did this come from
it didn't come from you it must have
come from somewhere else because really
and truly we are light we are love we
are all that is good you know we are all
that is courage and faith and otherwise
humanity wouldn't be out where it is
today so anytime that I was experiencing
that I just asked myself is this really
my voice or is this just the voices of
people outside of me or the naysayers
and so there's a great quote that Eric
Thomas once says if the enemy within
can't attack the enemy outside could do
you know how so that was my greatest
adversity it was my own soft or my own
own own disbelief but I overcame that I
loved that is this really my voice and I
think so often all our limiting beliefs
throughout life is mainly is people
teachers it could be your parents it
could be your friends your family your
peers and I'm guilty of it myself to be
honest I think I am where I am now in a
much better place but the last seven
eight years with just me following
around what other people wanted from me
I suppose and trying to trying to please
other people I suppose and that's kind
of the world we live in especially with
social media being so so prevalent in
everyone's daily life that you're almost
trying to keep up with the Joneses
you're almost trying to have a highlight
reel as opposed to writing your own
story if that makes sense and you know
what the hard part about that all is is
we can try to lie to ourselves and this
is a great insight that was given to me
let's just say for example right now
fear is bigger than your dream let's
just say that let's just say you know
you you know it is that you want to do
but you're just too scared to do it so
you'll just give away you will just give
it away and you'll be like no I'm not
gonna pursue this I'd rather stick to my
comfortable life a year from now you may
not experience the difference two years
from now you may not experience the
difference three years maybe not but
ultimately there will come a time where
that voice what if comes and I really
believe resistance then turns into
physical illness so that means that you
have a lot of people that are successful
that have accomplished so much in life
yet they're sick they're spiritually
sick they're mentally sick they're
emotional in you're sick they're not
fulfilled they're not content they know
the art they know the mechanic to
success but they don't know the art of
fulfillment they're not experienced in
that so I always say like you know what
you can risk it
you can try and live all comfortable as
you want but how long is it really gonna
last and how deep is it really and I
believe a lot of our successes and a lot
of the happiness that comes from our
successes is very superficial
for me what I'm interested in is really
creating a lasting fulfillment and
happiness in my life that comes from
within my soul not just for me
accomplish and achieving mechanic
success based things I love the answer
because I had a debate with somebody
about this previously so I'm not gonna
speak about myself too much here but one
of the things my mom who's like my best
friend always taught me was always about
giving and like the importance of being
grateful and just helping as many people
as possible and I remember as a child
whilst a child was about 15 I got my
job and I was working as a sales
assistant and I had something like 42
pounds or something I think it was and
straightaway I went home and this was
without any sort of guidance or anything
I and not many people know this and I
sponsored a child straightaway and I and
I donated the about four pounds to like
WaterAid and I think it was cancer I
didn't have much we come from humble
beginnings and throughout my life I've
always whatever I've had I've tried to
give as much as I possibly can and the
reason I say this is because you
mentioned something there about the
superficial part and you mentioned about
fulfillment because I believe there's
two different types of people on a macro
level and what I believe is you have
people who genuinely just have a desire
to help people and then you have people
who achieve all this amazing success
feel somewhat unfulfilled feel unhappy
and then what they do is in return start
doing charities getting a sense of
fulfillment now I'm not here to say
one's right and one's wrong and one's
better than the other because I believe
anyone who helps anyone in any way is
doing a great service but I can truly
see within you for somebody who's been
at the bottom who's still there with you
know trying to be positive a positive
beacon to the world you've got that
first trait you're the person who's
always wanted to help you're not the
person who's I when I when I make a
million pounds and I've got the car in
the house then maybe I'll take a bit of
time at and it's like my friend says
though my personal development is our
personal development the work that I
leave today will be left to future
generations yeah so that's why it's even
more important that you know at the end
of the day yes enjoy life yes you know
make the most of it but make sure that
if you're going to leave this planet
neither we've leave it in a great way
leave it in a way that's so positive
that future generations where they come
to come alive and grow up here they can
pick it up from somewhere positive I'm
sure the listeners I get in plenty of
nuggets see I'd even recommend pause in
this just to kind of take in some of the
some of the stuff you say and there's
some fantastic quotes there as well by
Thomas somebody who I have a lot of
admiration for as well deal we're gonna
we're gonna just switch gears a little
bit here I wanna I want to ask you and
again I mean I don't really need to say
this to you because you're very well
thought out but if you could just tell
me what your biggest fear is not not
living up to my full potential and gift
let me share a story with you actually
and this is what really scares me when I
was born I was born and this was 1995
and I was a civil war going on and you
know there were a lot of soldiers firing
a.k rifles and ask where you were born
sorry to Tamale so there were they were
firing aka rifles and there was one
bullet could have potentially really hit
me in the head and I could have died and
as a child so I really I don't take my
life for granted
I believe every single day is a miracle
and my biggest fear is not living up to
that miracle and that opportunity and
chance that has been given to me Wow
see that's a remarkable story and it's
something that I even now I take I'm so
grateful of my circumstances when I was
born and I'm sure everyone listening to
this as well never came from such a such
a difficult start it was almost like the
odds were against you from the start but
you kept persevering so I'm confident
that you will destroy that fear shall we
say and you will live up to your
potential and if I can help in any way
or if anyone listening to this can help
in any way then certainly reach out to
Theo thank you for that I appreciate it
we've kind of spoken obviously about
your wire your inspiration your
motivation and I suppose I don't want to
kind of repeat the same question again
but do you have days where you just
don't feel like doing anything and I
want you to be completely honest here
because yes we will ever why we all want
to change our parents lives our wives
lives our partners lives we have a goal
to help serve people let them write
their own story let them find their
voice and all of that stuff but in those
moments where you're not feeling quite
up to it because I know it happens to me
and I'm pretty confident it happens to
99% of the people out there otherwise
they're lying so when it does happen to
you what keeps you going on that day I
would say it would be alive for me to
say no I have experience and this is no
question I was just asked me today was
also asked to me last night and I would
say yes I have a lot of days where I
don't want to wake up out of bed and I
don't want to do anything and I just
want to quit and I just want to give up
and I just want to say you know what let
me just
around and do absolutely nothing because
it's challenging it's like first your
personal growth is the most remarkable
the most exciting the most fun thing but
at the same time is the most challenging
thing because what it really brings out
is triggers what it really brings out is
a lot of part of you that you've been
neglecting and suppressing so for me
days there where I actually start to
experience these triggers which was like
three days ago where I was supposed to
go to this event but I just felt like I
don't want to go to it I don't want to
wake up our bed I just want to stay in
bed I just wanted to be tucked under my
duvet and I just want to sleep and what
really you know I don't push that
feeling and I don't resist that feeling
I embrace it because like I said every
emotion that is a deep-rooted reason to
why we're feeling what we're feeling
there is a reason behind every feeling
so the way I motivate myself is I try to
get to the 80 grit T of why I'm feeling
that way what is this really about it
isn't about the fact that it's just cold
and I just don't want to go out there's
a real deep root very concerning reason
why and I get into that why and I
explore every possibility I question in
every way so that therefore is got no
way of taking over me because you know
our thought creates our feeling and our
feeling influences our action so I just
ask as many questions about this feeling
as possible I try to really cover it
from all aspect of like you know a
cylinder and soon enough is that oh okay
that's why that's why I'm feeling this
way and then when I accept and I
acknowledge it I just think to myself
you know what this is my thought this is
my feeling but it doesn't have to be and
something that I act upon it you know I
get to choose how I want to respond to
this so once I can really get into why
I'm feeling the way I'm feeling and then
I choose to respond and the way I choose
to respond is I just love it I
acknowledge is that and I say to myself
you know what I can rather act on this
but I know I'm gonna regret it later on
I could just choose what feels hard
right now but ultimately later on I'm
gonna be very thankful and grateful for
it so that's how I motivate myself I
dissect and you're very very self aware
in order to be able to kind of separate
those things the reason I asked that as
well is because
when I went on my entrepreneurial
journey when I used to have those days I
used to absolutely beat myself up and I
used to be like I'm a bad husband I'm a
bad businessman I used to just basically
label myself based on my mood that day
and then what one of the quotes I think
such a from a song and it says it's okay
not to be okay and I love that because
you can use that across all walks of
life but when I say that then I'd then
adopt a similar approach to yourself
okay so kay not to be okay today and
maybe I don't feel like working out for
example or going to a conference event
but what I will do is understand why
that is happening and you hit the nail
on the head there because really truly
understanding the deeper reason behind
why you do what you do if you can master
that then you can almost I suppose next
time it comes handle it much better
would you agree with that it is it is
but this is the biggest problem the
biggest problem is people are very much
focused on outside in rather than inside
out because you know we can't resist
instant gratification so we can't resist
instant result but what people need to
really understand is that it's when you
work from within you take ten step
forward rather than just taking one step
forward so yeah it really really is I
think it's just you have to really
understand why you're not feeling
motivated when you're not me feeling
motivate don't try to suppress and I'm
force yourself to do something that you
don't want to do if you don't feel like
you're going for a run today don't go
for a run today then you know but then
people is that you've gotta push you've
gotta push you've gotta push there's
what happens when you push the same
problem repeatedly shows up in your life
again and again and again and today it
may be very subtle but tomorrow's gonna
be very big and very overwhelming and
you'll find it even harder to overcome
it okay guys you've heard the buzzer go
off and that means it's the most fun
part of the show so what I'm gonna be
doing is putting Theo through his paces
and I'm gonna set the timer for 60
seconds and I'm gonna be asking him as
many questions as possible
Theo you've got no time to think I want
your first answer okay okay start in
three two one
okay Theo the ability to fly or be
invisible fly money or fame fame
Netflix our YouTube
clicks calling or texting calling Coke
or Pepsi coke would you rather know how
you would die or when you were dying how
I would die Christmas or birthdays
Christmas tea or coffee tea summer or
winter summer your favorite place in the
whole wide world
Oh Brazil Brazil Brazil Brazil would you
know how to speak all the languages in
the world will be able to speak to
animals and animals if you could abolish
one thing in the world what would it be
greed Facebook or LinkedIn Facebook read
minds or predict the future read minds
cats or dogs cats have you ever been in
a fight
yes did you win no last question your
favorite movie star Hugh named from
Wolverine Hugh Jackman yeah Hugh Jackman
okay fantastic brilliant okay that's
time just that was very interesting I
just thought I'd just mix it up a little
bit the Hugh Jackman thing I'm not sure
if you've sinned he's recent from the
greatest showmen um I wonder what sure I
haven't seen about how the great things
about yeah well it's the musical so
initially I was kind of like under fence
with it I don't know about you but I'm
quite an emotional guy saying say Joe
and I remember watching that and I was
watching it with the wife and like
there's quite a few scenes that were
really kind of touching and I think
especially with your story as well
because this without giving too much
away it's a guy with a dream he's got
his partner supporting him and he's just
going through all these obstacles and
adversities to kind of get to where he
wants to get to you know the songs are
powerful but it's a brilliant movie and
especially if you're a fan of him so
make sure you check that one out buddy
definitely thank you I only think the
friends between him and me is how I need
to find my partner which I'm sure you
all sure they'll come running in okay so
we've got two more questions left the
next question is about reflection
obviously hindsight's a wonderful thing
and upon reflection we can always think
of ways to get to where we are currently
quicker do the things we're currently
doing earlier or perhaps just move
towards that goals that big
but I guess the journey also teaches us
a lot as well and sometimes I suppose
you could say everything happens for a
reason so what I want to know is if you
could go back in time to one particular
moment where you really struggled and
suffered with adversity and just whisper
something in your ear knowing what you
know now what would that be it was when
I came back from Slovenia and to go to
my parents house and to finally really
lay out the balls for them so to tell
them okay this is who I am and this is
who I've become and this is my desires
and these are my visions and you know it
doesn't really resonate and connect with
you so what I would have told myself
when I was when I made that decision was
that rather than doing it in a very
defensive way do it in a very loving way
because a very beautiful quote I really
enjoy unlike is that love and honesty
can penetrate through anything in life
particularly when it comes to those hard
conversations that you were having with
your family or your friends if you do so
with hate intent or doubt or anger or
frustration or irritation or even a
sense of fire within you you know it'll
never turn out exactly the way it can
possibly turn out but if you do it from
a place of love and honesty no matter
how how great the mistake or how great
or how hard the conversation is if you
do it from a place of like I'm just
gonna do this in a very loving way and
I'm gonna do this in a very honest way
I'm sure things would have turned out a
bit differently so that's what I will
that's what I would have told myself is
as you're having that conversation it's
okay to speaking your truth continue
doing that but change the intent a bit
do it from a place of love and not from
a place of doubt anger frustration or
irritation love and honesty can
penetrate through anything in life
okay so sadly we're at the last question
now if if we fast forward and we move up
150 years in time and sadly science
fails to save us or if there was
somebody who wrote a book about theodore
travel and it's sitting there and then
somebody else walks over and picks up
that book
and realizes there's too many pages to
read here do I really want to read this
so instead they turn it over and they
look at the blurb in the back what does
that blurb tell him so if there was a
book what would what it will tell them
is who was I really that's what he will
tell them the most enjoyable and
beautiful part about the life I'm living
right now
is every single day I'm a different
person and it's not to say oh the person
I am today is you know fake and
somewhere tomorrow person's gonna be
real but every single day I get the
opportunity to unravel a part of me
that's always being there but it's just
being shy it's being scared away always
been frightened away so who was Theodore
because like I said I changed my name my
name used to be Mohammad and today my
name is Theodore and I can change that
tomorrow so it's just who was I really
Who am I really
and I think the person that picks up
that book and see that I wanted to
excite as they're reading that I want
them to challenge themselves and ask
themselves so if this person you know
was able to change his name and is able
every single day he's evolving what
about me Who am I and that is the most
powerful question because once you can
have that question which I believe it's
an ongoing journey
you're not gonna fully a hundred percent
hack it you know you want to be over
fifty percent at least two beautiful it
really is a beautiful beautiful thing to
understand who you really are and just
on the sidelines so Who am I I really
believe the way to summarize Who I am is
just divine I love that I love that I'm
sure they'll pick up the book and read
all of it if you said that absolutely
fantastic my friend okay so for anyone
listening that now I'm sure you can
agree that was an unbelievable story and
one that is still being written and I
think they all hit the nail on the head
there where he explained that it's an
ongoing journey and that's the same for
all of us even myself even as I go
through the process of trying to become
a podcaster I'm still learning and even
my self development in other aspects but
they always certainly demonstrated
amazing traits and his story is
certainly one that I urge all of you to
reach out and speak to him about so what
I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give Thiel a
chance now to basically let us know the
one best place where you can find him
thank you so much
by the way this has been such a
privilege and what you're doing is
absolutely incredible thank you so much
thank you
so like I said right now I'm actually
working an exciting exciting exciting
new project which is called the Titans
mastermind and my vision and passion for
quite a while has always been to create
a community where we can all support
empower inspire each other with
authenticity integrity love and honesty
and just just about anything that is
positive and heart centered so I've
quite recently started this few days ago
and already right now I've got six or
seven members but by next Jim and that's
why I don't plan on doing this alone I
plan on touching as many lives as
possible so that therefore they can
create a ripple effect by next year I
wonder I want that to reach 50 K so 50 K
members were all supporting each other's
business were all supporting each other
in personal life professional life so
it's cool Titans among us Titans
mastermind and it's really about helping
you become the Titan of your life owning
your life and really running your life
as you want it to join in you know just
and follow me on Facebook and drop me a
message and I will invite you into the
group yeah it's a very safe place as a
very comfortable place it's not just
it's not all about just money motivation
it has so much more to do with that so
any support you need any assistance you
need whether it is business whether it's
your life all there is
whatever struggle you're going through
come and come along and join it because
this is the one thing that I wish I had
three years ago when I was in the
beginning of my personal growth journey
you know being able to be in an
environment where I wasn't just kind of
being superficially honest I was being
really honest some people were taking
that in that would they were absorbing
it in there with digesting in and they
just had so much excitement into helping
me so I wish I had that and so today I
had the opportunity to create that so
why not so if you are and whatever
wherever you are in your journey whether
you feel like you're doing great and you
don't be there whether you're in the
middle whether you're in the beginning I
believe we all need support so come
along join in let's have fun and let's
create 2019 to become an awesome year
they are is that free to access for
anyone in the public yeah it's a free
attack so yeah so it's a closed group
that's why I message me for
so I can invite what number is free yeah
what I will do is I'll put all the odds
details in the show notes as well so you
can direct message him personally I just
want to say thank you to Thiel for
taking time out of his day today and
sharing his fantastic story I'm sure
we're all gonna hear and see his name a
lot more I mean this guy is like wise
beyond his years he's he's so young he's
doing incredible things so I know my
next job after this call is to get on
that Facebook group as well so Theo if
you wouldn't mind adding me in as well
please definitely I'd appreciate that
buddy and for everyone else at home
thanks for listening thank you so much
and remember this podcast is absolutely
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Find your voice - Episode 2 - The Wake Up Call by Jin Atwal
Jins life screams adversity. The loss of his uncle, father and sister within such a short space of time caused his life to spiral out of control. The word death links closely to Jin's life as does the word alcohol abuse. A stigma perhaps in the punjabi, asian community Jin refused to let this be his story. he wanted more.
Determined to succeed and not let his circumstances dictate his future he woke up and took control of his life and started writing his own story. Now in the process of writing his own book, “The Wake up call” Jin is now looking to inspire others and help them cope with the grief he has suffered.
Alongside this he has a mission to help children and ensure they struggle with less hardship in their lives!
If you think that’s not enough his also a successful property investor with many more talents..
"When you lose somebody, it's always there. It never goes away." - Jin Atwal
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Membership/dp/B00OPA2XFG?actionCode=AMN30DFT1Bk06604291990WX&tag=are86-21
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/manjinder.atwal
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jin120280/
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
YouTube Transcript
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people yes that is correct my
name is Aren and I am the host of the
show so I'm extremely excited today
because my guest is somebody who's not
only got an incredible story that is
riddled with ups and downs and trials
and tribulations but he's also someone I
consider a friend alongside that he's
also a loving father to two beautiful
girls he's a loving husband and he's a
very successful property investor so I
think it's more important we speak to
him rather than listening to myself
because some of the stuff he's gonna say
is really gonna blow your mind so
without further ado let's get this
interview on the way good morning Jin so
how are you doing today good thank you
how about yourself
not too bad thank you just a little bit
of a cold which hopefully doesn't affect
the podcast too much so I just want to
start firstly by saying thank you for
taking time out of your day to share
your story I'm very confident it's going
to obviously inspire other people
knowing who you are as a person so I
think it's important for the listeners
to basically get to know you
so if you could just please explain how
you've progressed through life and ended
up where you are currently okay so
without sounding like the okie Don
Goonies indeed though I'll give you a
bit of a summary so a bit about me
so my first memories of a child is
probably my older sister he was about
three years older than me and she's to
kind of always be up to mischief and I
was well I was a little sidekick I'll
tell you one of those stories so one of
the times she dared me to throw a stick
at a wasp's nest me crazily is to do
everything she told me to do seems like
a good idea why not
yeah so I did that what spirit stick I
was nest and had a swarm of wasps
chasing me and the garden didn't end
well for me educate imagine but yeah I
you know I just follow around everywhere
and I was always you know really proud
of her you know she's got a big
inspiration to me
growing up and then caught us to
summarize the kind of years after that I
could prolly summarize the kind of
experience a lot of grief at the deal
we've my dad he was an alcoholic seen a
lot of violence and experiences of
loneliness as a child so kind of going
into the grief part the first
experienced grief when I was around 10
years old so my dad's younger brother my
uncle I used to live with us for a while
and so I was very close to him and kind
of be wiseass or even mourning a second
dad really and around Christmas Eve was
on Christmas Eve he went out for a works
party we have a few of his friends and
there's all over the local quite drunk
and the drive was over the limit and on
the way home and started getting chased
by police officers and they tied the
driver decided to try to get away and he
ended up smashing the car into a brick
wall
my uncle was at the back in the middle
seats about a seatbelt on so probably
the worst place you could be
and a head-on crash I need to basically
just went straight right straight to the
front and died on scene so he was all
holy person in the car to die
and it was just clearly in the wrong
place in the car really sorry to truck
how old is you at this time yes I was
about 10 years old at the time and yeah
it's kind of a difficult time for me I
think as as people or any heart we find
it hard to deal with grief and I think
that's especially within the Indian
community so I think nobody ever spoke
to me about it and it was kind of is
there happening in the background and I
could see the pain in my dad and my
family and stuff like but nobody ever
came and
how we felt as children and I saw and I
think I ever dealt with it properly
until happy until like recently really
where I kind of started to think about
it bit more so that was kind of the
beginning of you know make me experience
him grief from what grief was like and
then from there I think my dad he
already kind of had a Greek problem at
the time kind of just went off the rails
so he just didn't had to handle it and
well his wife and he would just turn
into drink and weave that he started to
become quite violent and we experienced
a lot of violence in the household on a
kind of daily weekly basis basically so
our store are still quite young then and
I felt it is my role to protect my
family
so I used to try to get my sisters
upstairs and out the way the venison
violence is coming and then I'd come
back downstairs myself and then tried to
stop my dad but you know which I could
do being so young and that kind of
started affecting me in a you know quote
negative way it just made me feel
worthless I felt like I wasn't a man I
was like I wasn't to be able to my
family and I was really hard on myself
so kind of that continued into my
teenage years basically and as I got
older I got bigger of still was tall
really afraid of my dad kind of embedded
into me at that saw him you know if he
just raised his voice I would get really
nervous and scared and that make me felt
felt like even worse as a person and
another violence continued and you know
and I just felt like I couldn't do
anything so for me I started around
about 15 years old I turned to boxing
okay you need to boxing helped me in
many many ways it just taught me control
that aggression that was inside of me
and you know that anger so yeah going to
help me in a lot of ways but also
started getting the reputation at school
as the Hardeman and you know every time
in school say Argentina Sortino sausage
and I end up gaining points at school I
I thought I was always quite lonely
primary school didn't have any many
friends didn't have any you know just to
walk around myself I didn't have a funny
time we have a single friend until about
10 years old and then when I got a
secondary school you know started making
a few friends but not many but then he
always always for the wrong reasons I
kind of I got known as tough guy you
gain two points or then I started
drinking myself which I always I used to
hate alcohol
I've seen is what I call my dad problems
of course I lost my uncle for alcohol
alcohol related but I think there's one
time I just I just I drinking with some
friends they started a lot more early
than me and I just II I didn't really
haven't I couldn't really pick in the
crowd and they stole do their own thing
and went out with one time's it come on
now every drink with Jean and I end up
drinking with him I was talking most
often and I kind of got that reputation
and as you know he's a good laugh when
he has a drink and he's he's you know he
gets it he's a good good good of
pointing so if any trouble you're salty
and that's not the person I wanted to be
inside well that's the person I became
and that continued really for many years
and then from there I kind of I went to
when I finished school into University
and I kept that persona you know Jean
was the default crazy fun guy that you
could have a good laugh we've ended up a
few drinks and he's you know they were
tough not and you know inside I always
felt that that's not me I'm just I'm
just no other person and that's the
person that people like they don't like
if I really thought he was myself people
wouldn't like that I wouldn't be that I
wouldn't you know I wouldn't be that one
person that everybody enjoys or became
somebody else basically that's very
interesting point I think you just made
there your dad and the violence in the
house and I supposed you somehow
indirectly almost became that kind of
person ie the Hardman for example yeah
but I think it takes a mazing awareness
which you've just mentioned a couple of
seconds ago that you quickly realize
that okay although I'm getting plaudits
and people are kind of now coming to me
and the finding my company great for
example but this isn't the kind of
person I want to be known as and I think
that takes a lot of awareness because
people will relate to this we sometimes
pigeonhole ourselves into situations or
groups just because we fit in by being a
particular person but what I always want
to try and do is tell people don't try
and fit into a crowd by being somebody
you're not
I just wanted to point that out just for
the listeners because I think it's
important that you were able to
recognize that hold on a minute this
isn't Janette well this is an episode or
should we call it a chapter of your life
but this isn't the person that you are
it's certainly not the person that I
know today yeah I think yeah if I did
realize but I didn't I didn't I didn't
take action to change I was very quickly
to be honest I took me a long long time
so now after finishing University I'll
stop and I was not that reputation I was
still that kind of person and then I
started my job and you know I did I'd
come a first job working for a big
energy company in there I was stolen a
happy you know started off doing a job I
didn't really want to do just to get my
foot in the door a degree in Business
Studies what I did didn't really seem to
help me and get there was the kind of
income that I wanted so I started off
stapling bills for a big energy company
you know I haven't been to university
and don't open house you know I was
there stifling bills you know five days
a week and I kind of annoyed me and I
got my head down and I know right
jin-hee you can't do this you need to
you need to you know work your way up in
the companies so I got my head down and
I moved from that position all the way
up until senior position within the
company in ten years looking at the
business strategy so my rock my roll
towards the end of my career empower was
looking at the business strategy and how
we can use smart metering it's more
dated to launch new product into the
market so it's a good it's a good job or
not you know I worked my way up from
stepping bills to that it was a massive
achievement but even through then I
wasn't happy I was like you know I'm
still not me I don't know who I am I
don't know he was you know I know I'm
not the vision of what I want to be
myself I don't know who the vision I
want to be of myself it should be what I
should look like I always had a dream of
getting into property on it so because I
did is I do remember Matthew told me
younger we didn't really make much money
on it because we didn't really know what
we were doing it we don't got all the
space
properties we need you know we turn them
into amazing homes but didn't really
think about in terms of the cash flow
and and how much would make from the
property so yeah he's always in the back
of mind because like not having a hard
to feel home as a young as a child you
know I never felt like my home was home
always had this vision that I would one
day create amazing homes for people to
live in so he's always my vision and
always something I said to my wife and I
when I got married and said does it on
again to property or Nicholas say all
the time she probably got better put me
here here with me saying it to be honest
and then the other thing going to say
I'm one day I'm going to go to a third
world country and I'm gonna build a well
and I'm gonna build a school for
children I'm gonna do so I'm gonna do
that
dreams and I was doing nothing that
would ever get me there my dream we
didn't have a fighting chance ever
recording reality because I wasn't doing
anything to get there so just I'm just
talking about them and then I kept it so
by doing that as time goes by and you
start talking about these dreams and
they're not happening you lose the dream
start fading and you start losing faith
and you you just falling into a routine
of work and doing things that you don't
want to do and life's passing you by and
you know you kind of start losing a lot
of life and you dreams fade you start
fading as a person so I kind of always
said one day when I get married under
I'll start doing all this I'll get my
dad wouldn't it from a company one day
and I'll start using that money to do
all this stuff and you know any focus on
something I'd say thank you folks it'll
be a comedy well is yeah I think that is
true because I focused on becoming
redundant I boxed in the wrong things
my folks I made redundant and I got made
redundant which is an unusual thing for
anyone to kind of focus on his foes yeah
and he's focused on that because of a
lump sum of money I put that lump sum of
money out then I couldn't start doing
what I wanted to do okay
I don't like us but like I speaking to
one of my friends when I was a I hadn't
seen him for about twenty years and and
he said are we so you brought BMW in the
end I said yeah and he goes I go why why
do you say that
I used to always say I'm gonna BMW and I
kind of laughed three months ago I wish
I said I was gonna buy a Lamborghini
yeah so I think being made redundant
kind of was just the start of my new
life really kind of all kind of mr. part
be up more logically just as a Finnish
University
I just finished and I got news that my
dad had fallen over and bumped his head
around by the same time as my sister
just got married she got off on a
honeymoon on a honeymoon and then and
then we got a call sign for the hospital
saying he'd you know he died in hospital
he formed his head and we when I've been
in hospital and when I saw him there I
was not really angry I am and I saw him
you know probably wanted to give him a
hawker today you know because he just
you know he didn't look he had a big a
lot of bruising on his face I know that
but those are part of me is like what
are you doing to yourself or what you
know take control of your locals and
nothing and that came out I just said to
him like you know I'm ashamed of you you
know you need to you need to sort
yourself out and then I just turned up
turned away and walked at the hospital
and that turned out to be the last words
I ever said to my dad we got a call that
noise saying that a fellow in hospital
again and it is in a coma basically Hey
and this basically just miss missed me
up totally for years you know not not
just short-term he just played on my
mind and I started drinking a lot more
and every time I drank a stick like cryo
friends and say hey look you know this
is more last words I said to my dad this
was said in the law you know it's not
your fault you know I just I just
wouldn't go away
and it wouldn't go away I like I said
waiting to come into my work went
through a company and just another doing
all this dope never it always be in the
back of our mind and then being made
redundant I kind of that looks like that
was start to my new life and I got made
redundant in January 2017 so I'm not
talking long ago but at that point I
kind of would
kind of introduced to the property world
well you know property cause but wasn't
the property broader so I got introduced
but when you got into property courses
you started you got you you're basically
going to room full of people that's they
haven't lost faith you know this dog
dreaming and still turn out action that
dream
I mean you surround yourself with those
people you start believing again y'all
start believing again and that changed
me totally I said I believe in my dreams
again but it wasn't just that they stay
told me to read books right and okay
what books is it oh god we should read
Rich Dad Poor Dad start yourself off so
I did that okay this is good I enjoyed
reading that book I'm from then I just
thought I'd read and self development
books all the time
and I've never done anything like that
in my life and this won't help you
understand me he was why I felt why I
did you know I thought I began to
realize there's a book out there for
every single thing in your life so to
help you and things and so I was like
reading and reading a lot of books and
they've had a massive impact me it's got
a strange thing every time I pick up a
book and read it
I somehow apply that into my life and it
makes a massive difference so and how
the first book was like Rich Dad Poor
Dad showed me the property but then I
read stuff like the five-second rule
we talked No yeah I said a massive
impact on my book and what I'm alive for
early the slight edge was an excellent
taught me about you know I taught me
that I've keep saying that I'm gonna
have this much I'm gonna go and build a
well I'm gonna go and do something that
because it's not like that that things
not happen like that you you know start
off by doing a little bit at each time
and building yourself up there I think
what you just said there is a very good
point I think this is where a lot of
people they probably get the wrong
message because a lot of people read the
secret or they hear about the secret and
the thing just wishful thinking alone I
wish I could win the lottery for example
I wish I get a Lamborghini for example
and just by solely wishing that their
dreams come true but I think you
obviously explaining now you've realized
that that it takes a little bit more
than that it takes that whole mindset
the whole self-love the self-worth and
stuff which you spoke about earlier in
relation to tell you you know and I
think more important that is action and
I know you
and I think we met around the same time
you were redundant and yeah you openly
admit those times you were taking action
I think a very honest and that but now I
I see you and I think people that see
you on Facebook who are following your
journey I seen you I think you've
adopted is it a miracle morning which i
think is probably propellant to your
story but there's action being taken
there now now it's not just like fluffy
action like I'd certainly urge people to
just head over to your Facebook there's
like it's almost like a daily thing that
you're doing and you're being
accountable
I know no he knew it's more for yourself
but at the same time people are seeing
that and people are thinking hold on a
minute this guy's out there now he's
actually taken action he's world started
to change
maybe I should implement it and I know
there's a couple of other friends who
I've spoken to her actually adopting the
same thing so fair play to you for that
me yeah I think it's a to me reading
books is been a massive thing to me
change came alive meeting people that
haven't lost in lost faith in their
dreams is one big thing and another
thing we just read him books and reading
you know if you haven't got a problem
find a book for it I know that's that's
what I've found like I said I said the
miracle morning that's something I
started as well which has a lot of
massive impact on me that's basically
just having the morning routine spending
time on yourself so with me he's always
about doing stuff for the people now
making other people happy with you know
trying to do everybody kind of control
anybody's life and making sure everybody
gets on everybody's happy
and I looked when I struggled to do that
I used to feel hard on myself
but then I realized that you can't
control anybody else in life you have to
you don't think you really have control
of yourself yeah and if you don't spend
time when you saw then and trying to
give yourself to everybody's pretty self
you'll never helped anybody start
helping you start become a stronger
person and then once you're in that
position then you could have thought
helping other people and I think that's
what I realized from the miracle more
and I started spending time myself
really you know I'd go out for a run
come back for my run do affirmations
meditation you know things I found hard
to forgive me ways a bit fluffy but now
I love it and I were just doing
naturally in our meditation I like I
don't sit there and sit in silence boy
minutes I can do that I found it hard
having my own time
I never done it but now it's something I
have to do it's like a it's like a
medication for me in a way if I don't
take my medication daily I'll be start
became depressed again and I think if
you wouldn't mind just elaborating on
that actually because I'm a big believer
that we are a result of not only our
thoughts and what we tell ourselves but
our daily habits and I've seen your
world transform which is fantastic to
see as a friend so much since you've
adopted these habits so if if for the
listeners if you could just kind of
explain your daily routine so I know
you're very early
you acted up earlier than me one of the
very few so kudos to that but if you
could just explain from the moment you
wake up just very quickly kind of like
hour by hour or what you kind of do and
maybe people who have got a similar
situation to yourselves can kind of get
their medication fix and get their daily
routine similar to yourself okay so for
me waking up at 5:00 a.m.
most days I don't always do that hard on
myself as I always wind up again no I'm
in a late annoyed or make sure it's dog
it must leave but make up a bit later
but most most days are like 5 a.m. and
seen as a wake up brush want to get down
stairs I have a glass of water and then
I'll just cause it'll get at the house
as fast as I can get out do a 5k run
during that run sometimes listen to an
audio book or sometimes it just be
silencing my own thoughts and I'll just
think about things and and then think
about life think about ideas and then by
the time I get back I'm quite fresh now
the cold air outside quickly at the
moment hits your face and it just wakes
you up and then what time I get home
then I go straight into meditation I may
say for five minutes
I'm from there I'll go new look at my
goals which I've got on the wall fuel
and then do some affirmations
I'll talk to myself about what my
purpose in life is and and what I want
to achieve that's bigger than me and
then I'll write down three things that
I'm grateful for
and then you haven't done an audio book
well of Brian Oldham audiobook at the
end and then by then I'll do other
social media updates which I've started
to do not just do you know
patelliday of America morning that's
part of it trying to inspire people to
the point for me it's a massive
accountability tool so by me having to
post every single day that I've just
done my miracle morning gets me up and
it gets me doing it
I know another gonna finish it off by
posting my miracle morning telling
people Barry it's 20 inspire people
if I've got a four to the day while I
was running that came to mind or share
at that points and that starts me often
and not that way then it's right you
know it's around about seven o'clock and
my day's going to start there and we're
but kids wake up several kids to school
get back home around about nine o'clock
and then when I'm a real apartment that
day is in the impetus my property
investment business that's when I start
doing that so you know like to be
putting offers in going see properties
going to see reefers been doing you know
but by then I'm ready to go
whereas before or probably wake up at
nine seven o'clock right with the kids
Teddy come to school running around
straightaway not no time to think get
home nine o'clock have breakfast go to
the gym at 10 o'clock 10:30 11 o'clock
and start doing some work because the
kids because the kids are free o'clock
about about two hours to do ready work
on my property business how am I going
to do anything and make my property
business work I'm just spending two
hours doing more doing that you know and
that's what I realized you know by doing
everything all that stuff in the morning
get you going and in it when you get
going you're going you know you know
it's been you know a day just even like
doing stuff that you're really focusing
on during the day absolutely I think I
think it's key also as well especially
like with social media and emails and
stuff that that key part of the day that
you've taken out for yourself which as
we talked about earlier it's really
important to look after yourself in
order to be able to look after other
people it's it's done in a time where
nobody's really going to be emailing you
nobody is able to take away your energy
or control it so I I do a similar thing
I'm not shy away from the runs a little
bit more than yourself but I get myself
let's call it medication I do the stuff
for myself first so I've kind of hit
these small wins so when the day does
come and your throne with curveballs as
you probably know as a property investor
you're kind of more resilient towards it
plus if the day goes tits up shall we
call it you've still got so many things
don't let you've stood on your own
you've been the affirmation you've
inspired people online you spent time in
your daughter's you've took them to
school so you've still got a fair few
wins if that makes sense so I think yeah
it's fantastic yeah and it changed my
life and like I say I have to do it now
because I know I've spoke to you before
about this and and I look like my
property journey in January 2017 and in
this mindset stuff but then you kind of
came my whole life I became a different
person everybody around me so I know
genius you've changed you know it would
seem like really confident you know
people and people started coming to me
and saying now people that I used to
look up to you so I coming to me and
saying you know tell us about this book
you reading tell us about this you know
how how have you become this different
person and I was telling him like you
know I was inspiring people and I
thought wow this is amazing and the
first time ever I could really say that
I lost anger lost the you know the way I
felt about the past and I let it all go
Courtley and I forgave my dad and
appropriate up and I forgave myself and
more importantly and I started moving on
and I thought wow this is amazing
and then November time my sister got it
all and you know to begin me we know we
didn't think he was that bad you know I
said he's off right we were told off
Reuters because people you know have but
then it kind of then it we got told he's
coming called mixed tissue disease I and
then she went in for a routine checkup
or mid-november
and he just kept just kept between
hospital I meant being on a property
course that weekend and getting back up
one of the day and my brother-in-law
calling McKnight a nap he knows he's
just not well and she's gonna keep her
ring and you know she's annoying I see
you know and it just like crazy
I thought what what what they just said
it was you know mix tissue disease and
it goes a bit more serious and I think
it might be you know a raven where a
rare case of this so we're kind of you
know I went there straight away I know
stage of a hospital for two and a half
weeks and you know that's another thing
with property and stuff that you know
allows you to do that if possibly my job
I wouldn't be now just gone and do that
that's what I see being could made no
make me realize a limp or two that
everybody's having some kind of party
being salutely wait but kind of going
back to this door you know but what
happened he's like it just it just it
just like my whole life has changed
and you know we've been I mean I
remember this what we've seen the
consultants one of the points and he
goes that we've never seen a case of
this in the UK it's only been a handful
of cases in the world
right you know we've got nothing to
refer to and you know he says you know
it's it kind of didn't look good at all
but if you know if you heard what
they're saying you think that's it but
we never left we never lost five you
know we have to believe in no she's
gonna make it when my sister was talking
you know she's the best person I ever
knew and I feel quite decent George will
get furious and you know at the
beginning she was you know obvious the
first few days you know she's on a
breathing machine and that was told it
was like she's doing American every
single day right that's how the pressure
it was on her lungs and she's just
fighting it and it's unbelievable says
she I don't have to put her in an
induced coma you can't keep doing this
and then to Cuzco more you guys later
and you know she never I won't quote
from that and it's just like it's just a
crazy time you know obstinate you know
what points that we fought she's gonna
be okay and at those points you know
you'd lost the news it or favor getting
like along this collapsed and stuff like
her and you know I was I was able to be
there from the right from the beginning
you know I stayed there every single day
I slept there a hospital talk to her
read books to her you know I read a book
The Alchemist the first time while I was
there and they talked about no purpose
in life and stuff and then kind of made
me think and I said to her then does it
look you know I said as a child that
what I know that my purpose in life is
to make sure that every child has the
same opportunity in life that every
charge of her and that's what I'm gonna
do and I'm going to complete that
together and you know of course she's
gonna make it's gonna change your life
and we're all gonna you know
leave our life's to max because kind of
just before she went on reading the
five-second rule and I said like I said
a book always comes to me at the white
points and you said in there she talked
about a story of a better dad had a head
head tumor and she didn't want to ask
him directly
how are you afraid because she didn't
ask him that question but you could put
that you poor white 5 4 3 2 1 just ask
him I might see your sister - it was two
or three days before she went into
hospital
sat there just sitting in a chair and I
said you know for about you know what
I'm gonna say I'm gonna say 4 3 2 1
are you afraid and she goes she goes no
not really
she goes you know I know this is gonna
change my life but I think I'm gonna
deal with me she goes you know I've been
working too hard and and I already know
that I'm gonna from this it's made me
I've had to sit down it's made me stop
and it made me think about things in a
lot more detail and you guys gonna
change my life now and it spent a lot
more time with my family and they're the
folks and the things that really matter
in life and I thought yeah maybe this is
a blessing these guys it's like a
wake-up call for him he's gonna change
your life completely and you know kind
of she never had that opportunity to do
that and that was the hardest thing for
me that she she knew what she wanted to
do now you'd change in life and she
never got to do that I think that's one
of the key things have changed me saying
that you know you don't know what's
gonna happen in life you know how people
always wait wait for this wake-up call
as such you know he's gone property
causes in and let the first put the
person at the front you say to you tell
about a story of their life and used to
be about hardship and somebody barber
cam came and how he changed your life a
nice to think oh they look in a way that
this they've had something happen in
their life that give him a wake-up call
and they've got some new power that
transformed him as a person and made
everything happen for them but it
doesn't happen like that you know I lost
my sister I mean it didn't automatically
transform me into this person that's had
a wake-up call he knock me
six two six four six to be based
basically I I tried to deal with it you
know
by keeping busy first and I just free
myself into my property in the getting
finished anything else and I didn't get
much time to himself grieve to grieve
and and you know to get over it and then
it wasn't until about April so I didn't
even 18 the wife said look we need to
get away and putting a bit of time
together as a family abroad okay let's
go
and so we get to Egypt and I had a few
drinks and I kind of got back to the
room and I just got his crushed totally
and all this anger just flew out and I
was like God and I just shouting in
every way we've done this to us while
playing games of us you know tragic hard
life just as a point where my sister's
happy we're all happy mom's you know
I've settle down we've what we've all
got you know we were married about kids
moms relax for the first time in her arm
life in an alive why are you playing
games with us and why you doing this and
always anger came at it all all totally
towards God and you know I came back and
I just crashed I uh I thought green key
I was watching the World Cup under the
first time you know our drinking on
myself and I've never done night my life
and I just totally burned all that stuff
you know from just before having this
book and changing our minds in open
house all went out the window back to a
worse place and I've never been horrible
I froze in the dark hole and angry
friends I was angry angry everybody
covenant just angry person
hey you know I was angry friends for not
always asking me how I felt about my
sister
I was angry about you know people not
totally understanding how I feel and you
just I just started going out of control
and expecting some everybody's to help
me and get me out of this hole and it
does enable you to do something for me
and when they weren't able to hang with
them and then and then it came to a
point when I said look Jin you need to
control of your life what did you do at
the beginning this year to change you as
you person as a person you need to go
back to the basics and start doing that
you know I can't you can't lady sister
down that's what I basically did
and they're kind of it back to the
basics Nora okay first of all I need to
find a book I find a book that helps you
deal with grief and it's specific to me
so I went out looked on found and I
managed to find a book about how to deal
with the loss of a sibling as an adult
is that the exact title because I'm just
conscious if anyone's gone through a
similar situation to yourself yeah I
mean that's cool because there's many
books that talk about losing as a child
losing somebody but it's not many books
as losing your sibling as an adult and
then the book that is the title of the
book and I read through that helped me
understand why I thought were a way I
did how the relationship between my and
my sister is totally different to
anybody and how friends and everything
else wouldn't understand and that's why
you know your sibling is the only person
that knows you better than most people
could I seen you as a child growing up
and every stage of your life and that is
an amazing relationship that no not many
people others death understand I call my
friends brothers and I say all the time
and when I say my friends and my
brothers I really mean it and you know
that was part of my sister's wedding my
close friends that part of my you know
part of everything I bring them around
my house that I'm making part of my
family and I do everything with them but
when they didn't feel the loss of my
sister the way I felt II always angry at
them was it well she's your sister too
I get they're not how come they're not
morning with like I'm mourning and then
it wasn't until I read this that port no
they're like are having my sister was
different was different yeah and then
she's special and you know obviously I'm
gonna feel that because they didn't they
weren't they didn't grow the way I did
was they did everything that me or my
sister went through together and I think
that kind of optimize really does a star
and then then I started thinking about
more about God and my relationship with
God a lot more and then another thing a
light bulb came and he said and it was
like okay all my life I've said God did
this god help me with that
I did this God you've got about a hard
life so you owe me you owe me cuz I had
a hard life you need to make this happen
for me this happen committees happened
way and and because I've done that I've
always gave control to God an external
force and then somebody clicked in my
mind that Jin you need to take control
yourself in your own room life and then
I seen a world Smith video and Will
Smith said there's a difference between
Fault and responsibilities yeah and it
just clicked in my head again and I
thought okay you know I'm blaming
everybody blame murder blaming everybody
else their areas yeah okay it wasn't my
fault that haven't happened to me it's
not my fault I lost my sister I thought
that a lot of what I said to my dad you
know happened but he's more
responsibility start control taking
control of my life that is more
especially those with my you know that's
something I need to do and that's what I
started doing by taking control of my
life started running again so I did my
miracle morning again I started writing
the book online
another thing I've always fought is I
thought I'd seen social medias a
different tool Sydney totally
differently I thought okay these are
amazing
accountability tool and if I post my
story online every single day it'll make
me do it and I'm just I'm writing my
story so I'll do my miracle morning
senior Timmy oh good morning spend half
an hour to an hour just writing one or
two pages of my story and I continue
doing that and then you know please
don't always want to do I had all these
dreams I think I wanna do I'm gonna
start doing them now I know I could've
quit talking about him I'm gonna stop
doing them so before I know I've written
my book your forty thousand words
you know next year I'm gonna publish it
and 2019 I'm gonna sit down again put
into chapters you know and the book
gonna be called the beikoku
because I bet that's where he's been for
me you know there's been lots of wake-up
calls in my life and you know it's it's
gonna be of a twist to it because you
know people always wake white with
Michael Corbitt run tell you that you
don't need the wake-up call to change
your life and the white book or does not
net mean that you just change life my
dad had lost his brother that could have
been his wake-up call but my dad was he
a victim you know journeys on life
upside down even more so you know that
don't worry learn that Michael Cordes I
know I think this was one of the main
reasons I kind of want to join the show
as well is because okay you've had
plenty of wake up cause I'm sure people
will understand you've not had the
easiest of lives but I always myself as
well I almost trying to tell people do
not wait for something bad to happen
I tend to find that if there's a bad
event or something happens in say for
instance a family for example then all
of a sudden everyone's live in a life of
gratitude for the next week and you know
they're really grateful for the little
things in life but then very very
quickly we kind of just get consumed
back into like normal reality I suppose
or like the rat race or whatever you
want to call it and we just forget you
know and then in priority start changing
whereas I'm very conscious because
similar to yourself I mean I can't say
my life the same as you all we'll have
our own trials and tribulations but I've
always just tried to live with gratitude
even in the good and bad times and I
suppose it's come from reading and stuff
but your book sounds fantastic I know I
know you would do something I didn't
know you had written 40,000 whereas and
I'm sure it's gonna be a big hit mate
because you're not just you're not just
doing a course or reading something and
I'm writing a book about it like a lot
of people out there do today you've
lived it and one of the things which I
think people will resonate with this yes
you understand the whole aspect of
control in your life and taking
responsibility and accountability
because only you can do that but you're
also showing your vulnerabilities in
that you had it under control then you
went away I think it was in April 2018
and you lost it again
then you grasped it again and it's
almost like you know the answers but
then even even yourself with all the
mindset and the reading and all the
habits you still fall off a little bit
and I suppose it'll get easier
and I suppose sooner or later you will
nail it down and you have less of these
kind of falling off the wagon shall we
call it moments but it's inspiring it's
it's something I'm sure a lot of people
go through and a lot of people have that
kind of is it the victim mentality as
opposed to the victim as you you've got
in somewhere in you I can feel this you
don't wanna let your sister down and I'm
confident you're not letting her down
knowing the person that you are seeing
your transformation I just want to add
one more thing I remember seeing your
first Facebook live videos and we were
friends at the time and nice to watch it
I used to think this isn't the gin oh no
like did you know I know you know when
we sit together and we go out you're fun
you're laughing you're smiling and there
was almost like an element of hurt and
anger or it could just be that was five
o'clock in the morning I'm not sure but
it was weird because I was like people
need to see the real gin and it's only
recently and I'm very proud of you for
this because in the last two or three
months especially
you've kind of come out your shell and
you're almost
getting a bit of a following now which
is more than well deserved because
you've been through it and one of the
things I knew you always wanted to do
1224 months ago was to help people and
just generally inspire people and I
think you have in those in the
background I'd always keep him there a
bit like my first YouTube video as I
keep him there because I want people to
know listen myself and Jin for example
we were naturally shy introverted people
who didn't know what was going on almost
looking around the world thinking do we
belong here should we be telling people
a story and this is one of the reasons I
really wanted you to kind of tell your
story because it's only gonna expand
you're only gonna inspire more people
with it so the question was gonna ask
was about adversity first he's been a
massive part of your life with like your
sister and your uncle and your dad so
I'm gonna just kind of bypass that just
ever so slightly but if you could just
quickly just give it like one tip so I
know you use the book as an example
which really helped you overcome the
grief aspect but if there's somebody
going through something now or if
somebody out there has a friend or
family member who's going through what
would you recommend to them because I
know I spoke to you briefly about this
would you want people to come and speak
to you about your sister or your father
or would you prefer it was just kind of
swept under the carpet like the elephant
in the room yeah that's a good point
really because a lot of people like
people that even speak to me it's all
about it
you know the never said a word and for
me that that that that was worse I
because you know it's always there now
people might be daunted peak to about it
on a racy or I don't have heard that
person by bringing a memory back up but
you have to remember when you lose
somebody you never always always there
it never goes away saying you're not
gonna bring that memory back up you're
not gonna hurt me in any way you know
it's there he's not hasn't gone away so
join me and asking me how I feel you
showing me that you you know it's not
going away and you you're interested in
how I'm feeling and I'm thinking okay
thank you for that I think that's useful
because myself as well I'm guilty of
this myself is that you kind of feel
should I bring it back up again but I
think you've hit the nail on the head
there this is a part of you now like
your sisters loss is always going to be
a part of something like you just said
you it's a daily thing isn't it so
I'd tell you eight people who are
perhaps going through the same kind of
emotions or seeing someone they're
struggling with to kind of try maybe
take that advice on board I'm not saying
it was the same but it would certainly
help most people okay if I test it thank
you for that Jude I just want to just
move this over a little bit what is your
biggest fear I know you're a father and
I've seen your daughter's they're
adorable and you might say something
about them I'm gonna cheat here and
you're not allowed to mention your wife
or your two daughters so what is your
biggest fear I think I'm always been
scared of heights
okay I'll get really nervous if I'm
going to a certain height oh I said my
wife and I we get too happy about it I
said I'm really scared of heights I'm
gonna gon do a parachute drop next year
and I go if I do that and that's one of
the biggest gay things I'm scared of
then I won't get on be scared on my
chest so let's not run persuader
but going a bit deeper you know that
that's one thing I think a lot of people
are scared of heights and what's other
things yeah but going a bit deeper pink
for me I don't want to wake up you know
one day when I'm you know 60 70 years
old and say I wish I did
I wish I did this or wish I did that we
should do this oh that's that'd be the
worst thing for me
I thought our druthers I'd rather wake
up at that point I you know I did this
but he didn't work or it did work but
you know at least Detroit yeah I'd
rather be in that position and you know
I want to be I want to be an integration
tomorrow you know I said don't mention
your wife and children is much worse you
know I wanna inspire them is what much
as anybody else and I won't be much of
an inspiration if I'm sitting there 60
70 years old saying I wish I did this
always I did the poor didn't envelope Oh
fantastic great points okay so there
you've heard it that is the buzzer this
is the fun part of the show so if you're
still with us thank you
what I've got is a whole heap of
questions that I'm gonna run through for
the next 60 seconds and it's up to Jin
to try and answer as many as possible so
Jen are you ready ready three two one
okay the ability to fly or be invisible
invisible when are your fame fame
Netflix are YouTube they play coiling or
texting take it in Coke or Pepsi Pepsi
would you rather know how you would die
or when you were dying how Christmas or
birthdays their plays your coffee take
summer or winter summer your favorite
place in the whole wide world Hong Kong
speak all languages or be able to speak
to animals whole languages if you could
abolish one thing in the world what
would it be
poverty Facebook and LinkedIn Facebook
would you be able to read minds or
predict the future predict the future
have you ever been in a fight
oh we are actually coming towards the
end of the show now there's so much more
that I could speak to gin about and
hopefully I can get him back on the
podcast just to kind of maybe delve a
little bit more into the whole the
adversity side because if you could take
anything away from this podcast is that
whatever your current situation is
whether it's worse or whether it's the
same or slightly better than Jin's
current circumstances is that there is
light at the end of the tunnel and I
think gin shows that 1/3 is
accountability in moving forward in his
actions but two he's now becoming a very
successful property investor he's now
attracting a lot of investors so we're
definitely gonna move it over to the
final question so the final question I
have today is if there was a book and I
know actually you're gonna be creating
your book next year but let's just say
there was a book written by somebody
let's call it your guardian angel
somebody looking over your shoulders
he's seen everything you've been through
in life and they've written a book about
you unless say in 150 years time science
fails to save us or and people are still
reading books what would the blurb of
the book
tell us about Jeannette well so I hope
it would take him in like this I would
say that Dean was a man that had my
child keeping his life
however never-never net life beat him
down he always got up and dusted himself
off and kept moving forwards
he was an inspiration to us all that you
only have two choices in life really to
get knocked down and stay down or get up
and keep going he chose to keep going I
mean lady did do that because it wasn't
only a great husband father brother and
son
he's also a great human being he knew
how easy purpose was in life and that
was to help young children suffering
from hardship have a better life and he
stuck to that and he made many a man
made that crew for many children
you understood Roy's purpose was he's
bigger than him so he couldn't stop
going Wow I'll tell you what if I see
that glyph I'd certainly pick it up and
I just want to add to that he was also a
great friend as well so truly from the
heart so there you have it guys that's
an unbelievable story one riddled with
ups and downs which is still being
written and I think that's the most
exciting thing because Jin is still
writing his story and I hope many of you
find that inspiring enlightening and I'm
sure Jin wouldn't mind I'll put you on
the spot here a little bit if you
reached out to him if you ever want to
speak to him so what I'm gonna do is if
you could just Nuttall just for the
viewers if they want to reach out to you
where is the one best place to find you
and just personal message me on Facebook
I don't like them definitely always
epital if I can inspire somebody and
help them in any way I can on their
great way fantastic there you go guys
Jin well find him over on Facebook thank
you Jin for your time and as always
people thanks for listening thank you
and remember this podcast is absolutely
free so all we ask in return is for you
to share this with a friend and drop us
a five star review over on iTunes have
an awesome day
See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Find your voice - Episode 1 - Blind, Drunk a Lions tale by Kev Dillon
Kev Dillon is a man of the people, who refuses to be average. Suffering with meningitis Kev suffered with blindness and his whole world was rocked upside down. His dream of being a boxer was shattered and he turned to a dark place in his life.
Determined to never let this get to him however, Kev fought back, in true boxing style and jabbed and hooked his way to where he is today.
He is a head boxing coach of Lions Boxing Club ABC in Brierly Hill, UK but more importantly than that he is all round genuinely lovable guy.
Alongside this he is a father, a husband, a son and a friend and who would have thought a POET!
Kev blindness has taught him more than many of us can imagine, forced to understand his limitations he refused to let them control him or stop him achieving his true desire, to help others.
His mindset is unbreakable having been at rock bottom and the most beautiful thing about this story is, his journey is just beginning.
He has a vision of a better future where people, no longer doubt themselves, hurt each other and see the beauty in the world.
Kev's outro states:
"Take care of yourselves and more importantly of each other. May your god bless you and if you don't believe in god, believe in yourself because someone who doesn't believe in anything, will always be lost" - Kev Dillon
Thanks for listening
Free Audible book sign up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Audible-Memb...
Best book on Mindset by Carol Dweck: Mindset https://amzn.to/2QajMvZ
Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/findyourvoice & check out our new sponsor: https://www.healthxcel.co.uk
Links to me:
Website: https://www.arendeu.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-...
Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com
YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
Links to guest:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kevlionsdillon/
Boxing Club: Lions Boxing Club - Bull Street, Brierly Hill, DY3 3RA
JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice
YouTube Transcripts:
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to the show today my name is Aren and
yes that is correct I am the host of the
show so this is actually my first
episode of find your voice and if I'm
completely honest I was a little bit
nervous yes I figured I could google and
work out how to do but it was more about
really doing when I put my voice out
there do I want to make myself
accountable and really stick to this but
deep down inside me it's always been a
passion to sort of help people now this
is a strictly passion project and it's
literally about just helping people
because one thing I've realized in my
life is that everyone has a story to
tell and only when we find that courage
and find our voice in order to tell that
story are we able to have an impact on a
wider level and I suppose since I've
been sharing my story recently with
other people and I'm very very grateful
for some really nice comments from
people I thought what in a second
there's a lot more to tell but more
importantly there's some absolutely
amazing people out there who I reckon I
can get in touch with and then hopefully
it can help you guys as listeners so
I've got a whole range of guests on this
podcast which I'm really excited to
share with you bear with me because I
have recorded some prior to this episode
and with each podcast episode as you
know with anything in life you always
get a little bit better so if there are
one or two episodes and you're thinking
hold on a second he sounds a little bit
nervous here it's probably because I am
because my first one or two probably
weren't as natural as are supposed they
are now so it's all a learning curve I'm
enjoying it I mean so absolutely
fantastic people some who already knew
some who are brand new and happened to
reach out or happen to reach out to them
so anyway
that's pretty much enough of me for now
I'm gonna introduce my first guest now
I'm not joking he was probably the first
person I've thought of having on this
one of the reasons was this individual
had a big impact on my life during
probably the two happiest years of my
life if we don't count my marriage
because that is obviously the best part
of my life
I know a lot and I just had a great time
being around this individual I spent a
lot of time with him
and it wasn't just so much the whole
coaching aspect from a physical
perspective but it was more about the
mentor lessons that I was getting the
mindset lessons I think that sounds a
little bit better and you know I grew a
lot as a person and we just became
really really really good friends and I
think it's been like what seven eight
years now and you know we're always in
touch he's a fantastic person he's not
just got a great heart he comes from a
great family he's family a fantastic I
know his family but he's someone who's
had ease levels of adversity in life and
he's not been doubt the best cards and I
think some of us sit there and we always
think the grass is greener on the other
side or we have it the worst but let me
assure you that's not always the case
and Kev someone who may not have had the
greatest card out to him in life but I
assure you he's certainly playing to the
best of his ability so he's not only a
wonderful father and a loving husband
he's also a son and more importantly
he's one of my very very best friends in
the whole wide world and I'm very proud
to have him on this especially as my
first and I'd love to get him back on
because I know he was dealing with a flu
but bless him he managed to still come
so without further ado let's get this
first episode I find your voice on the
way okay so I'm sitting here opposite a
very good friend of mine kept Dylan who
I've explained a little bit about in the
introduction so I think it's important
now firstly I just want to say thank you
keV
well coming on the show it's a pleasure
so I appreciate you being here but I
think it's more important that the
listeners get to understand you so one
of the things I always like to start the
show with is tell us about yourself from
the moment you can remember to where you
are now in life I'm 35 years old
I'm married to a beautiful woman called
Kate
Dylan my father to a beautiful girl
called Jasmine on the head coach for the
boxing club in the Black Country called
the Lions my life hasn't always been
easy
while tragically lost my audience in 87
through viral meningitis back then 32
years ago flora meningitis was a big
thing where poor buggers were going in
losing limbs and I lost my eyesight my
mom had been taking me in to the doctors
for weeks and I said if glandular fever
of the flu till one day I went to a coma
and I well I was completely blind and it
comes a little bit come back in my right
eye and it was tough as you can imagine
but life is tough and life gives you
options you either carry on or you don't
and I think they are the two options of
life
you carry on or you don't but a greater
God I had very strong parents looking
brother and grandparents and they helped
me to do what I could and that has been
my attitude for life you do what you can
have the best ability did you can do I
went to a promise called Church of
ascension which is in war life and had
to leave there because I had bad eyes in
reception when I went to Bromley Hills
where me and another young lad John
Frank coming the first blind kids to go
there
so I have to travel out the district to
go there we're at some fond memories fun
members who I met locked on friends I
had empowering Shona Quinton helix
education I'd say let me Darren because
I had to have a support teacher it
wasn't fun being a young lad as well as
being pointed out you were different and
I think that's what education can do bad
for people instead of embracing our
differences sometimes would forced stand
out I was a young kid that's the worst
thing you can do all you want to do
is to be normal oh do you get you think
what is normal and we go out of our way
to not be normal to be special
but as a child and all you want to do is
fit in it's excruciating
however I've got through school by hook
and by crook aside roams poetry because
when I was a young lad I found it very
hard to express what I was feeling about
blindness and about being different or
made two books except me by giving Dylan
Pope in a vision I went to college do
media studies and then I was lost
through depression and different forms
of coping that psycho pin self
medication of coping I've lost and went
off the rails my dad said to me at the
age of 17 when I bet you come and coach
and because boxing was one of the only
things I was ever good at see nose
blowing got iron at reactions and I'm
strong and he got me coaching I passed
my level one at 18 level two at 19 and
that's been my push through life
teaching others to do something that I
wasn't able to do wasn't allowed to do
another camp coach and I think that's
been one of my purposes in life to help
people so I can talk to these young boys
and girls men and women have been
experiences I can talk to them about
real pain because I've felt pain but
life isn't always a bad pain anyone who
says life isn't tough has it lived
enough but anyone who says life isn't
beautiful and rewarding also as I lived
in office yes yes it is tough but by
gaudí it's wonderful as beautiful if
rewarding but here we look at it
ourselves
and seeing these young people of watch
to grow up into men it's been great
my greatest rewards haven't been the ABA
champions and the people who've gone to
boxer England is being there for the
Forgotten well they've been forgotten
but maybe I ever been to them it's said
of pheromone the scrap people build them
into something good hopefully they feel
very proud of because I know I'm very
proud of them absolutely there's a
couple of things that I mean um I've
known Ken for a long time and we spoke
recently about how long about you know
Nita days it's quite it's quite
surprising but there's some stuff there
that I mean I didn't even know and I
suppose some of it is probably like the
elephant in the room so just touching on
you men in joints and stuff you know
we're very good friends I've never
really discussed that with yourself
maybe that's just me not being confident
but did you find
I mean you touched on it a little bit
there but the whole you know being
normal but what is normal I suppose in
society and all this because obviously
I've got foster siblings and they've got
ADHD autism all that sort of stuff so
they're considered special I suppose but
growing up with your condition did you
ever feel sorry for yourself or did you
feel different especially committing to
the cult in aspect where I mean I've
been in quite a few boxing gym before I
really found home here at the lines and
gym where obviously everyone's
able-bodied should we call it in
inverted commas as a coach with so I
only threw one I had to how did that
make it you feeling sorry for yourself
we all do it they'd have a big football
team or it's okay to feel sorry for
yourself but you shouldn't dwell on it
and that's something I had to learn I
say to a lot of people in life you have
two options
you carry on forwards or you don't
and my only option was going forwards
but occupy falling down but crawling
there by climbing up but in any means
necessary to
forward a lot of his difficult but it's
difficult to everybody in anybody
it's like someone said to me fear
there's a rational fear and it's an
irrational fear
I'm Aladdin little King swim fin on
Friday hippopotamuses there's a very
rare chance that he'll optimus he's
gonna come and get me
as a young African living on a riverbank
that's a rational fear an irrational
fear Allah spiders
in King's room for the Money spider
isn't gonna get me a lad in Australia it
might a rational fear my fears on
fighting or embarrassment yes no I'll
take her back embarrassment is a big
fear my fears aren't through fighting or
standing up or telling my story so I've
overcome knows my fears are because I'm
blind in my left eye I haven't got depth
perception so like going down stairs or
when I go out at night I'm not sure what
to shadow or is the lamppost or it's a
step or said that is a rational fear so
I'm not sure what can hurt me however it
won't deter me from doing so fantastic
I'd be just to touch on that last bit I
mean you said there's two choices you
either move or you don't and I think I
always try and say this to people
because I don't want people to have
something bad happen in their lives for
them to really wake up and so move
forward in their lives or take a whole
little bit I suppose and start writing
their own story you've kind of maybe
drew force initially had to do that
because you were left with the cards
that you were dealt and you have to
solve move forward with that
I say kudos to you because your mindset
is something that I I've read more books
than I care to remember and I'm always
trying to work on mindset because I
believe if you can conquer your mind you
can pretty much conquer anything and we
see that in the boxing gym through the
great boxes and everyone I'm sure you
can probably elaborate on that and I
think mindset is crucial one of the
reasons I really wanted you on my
podcast and you were always going to be
my first episode is because your mindset
is to me at least
it's you know it's made of steel is it's
very it's somebody who could sit there
and feel sorry for themselves there's
somebody you could always look at the
negative side but man you've been a
better fresher and I've said this before
but the two years I spent with you
personally when we were training but I
think I've seen you more than one missus
at the time we're two of the best years
of my life and in that particular time I
just want to put this out there to the
listeners is when you really focus on
achieving goals and I really really want
to be become a great boxer and be be a
great boxer there's a lot of talk behind
and it's sometimes it's from your
friends your family the closest people
to you and sometimes it's not always
uplifting talk and I think being around
you in your presence not just for your
coaching skills which are fantastic
which helped me develop so much but as a
person as I sort of as a coach and a
mentor you were always able to instill
that positive influence in me you'd
always say the right words at the right
time the encouragement and I just I
don't know I'm not sure if there's an
answer to this but what how do you do
that I suppose because I'm here and I'm
trying to do that and I'm obviously
educating myself and I'm reading over
the books and I'm following all the
great lines but you kind of just I mean
I'm not sure deep do you read books like
how I read and woody is it something
instilled from maybe your dad or just
being around for people because we are
so bad I am terrible at reading terribly
reading and after I'm a very large fonts
or tried audiobooks all I'm a man who
loves music from 2pac to try to China to
Bob Dylan I can listen to any type of
music all day but an audiobook I switch
off from so my greatest form of
knowledge is by self experience
experiencing myself that way I realized
if I like it down like it if frightens
me or excited to me I also love talking
to people picking their brains about
religion and a better experience and
about what they did and travel is
another beautiful gift don't only live
in your district and travel and it
hasn't gonna be to Thailand he could be
to go to Wales or going to
where every day's potat yourself out of
a comfort zone so if you're only ever
going on autopilot you're only going to
at one place
you've got to be willing to get lost
even if it's only in the moment could
you never know where it's gonna take you
and that's the greatest form of
Education I think life can give you and
that's probably one of the greatest
forms of Education Isaac's just heard
now in the last year because everything
you just said then I'm sure my listeners
because I know a lot of people who are
eager to listen to this episode we're
all habit readers and we listen to
audiobooks oh it's almost become a hobby
of ours and a lot of that the best
audiobooks they would have the same
information or the same Isis fault our
supposed success leaves clues so there's
always the same kind of stuff in there
everything you just said there and this
is why I find you fascinating is because
you normally this but you haven't read
the books it's just something that
you've developed and this is kind of the
premise of this podcast is to find
people like yourselves people who are
reachable people who you can after this
podcast you can reach out to Kevin you
know it gives you the time of the day
you can come see him at the lines Jim
and I spend time with you these are
people that we should be around and
staff experience of talking to people I
think I think it's overlooked we're in a
society now where everyone's stuck to
their mobile phone I say that as I'm
holding it up right now
and you know that's that's not the way
humanity should be it should be about
experiencing new things as becoming new
people and understanding so that's a
fantastic point mate and I'm always
there's a very few people I come across
in life who had that sort of emotional
intelligence that you've just displayed
there without having gone through what
I'm currently doing I reading all the
books that I can possibly do so kudos
mate and I do want to just move this
over a little bit because I'm just keen
because because of the person you are
and the impact you've had on my life I
don't know you've had many other
people's lives I just want to touch on
your daily routine so I'm a very big
believer that we are the resource of the
thoughts that we think and our daily
habits so if you could just give the
listeners a little bit about the moment
capital is along
from the morning to the moment you
restaurant no mate my alarm is a little
thing called Jasmine Dillon she's
normally White's milk okay then I we get
up we could add stairs we have breakfast
we watch some people I'm telling
normally peppa pig is not I hate blue
coherently i watch penny about myself
and then we go up we have out wash they
would come down then I'll take it to
school they're not normally come up here
to the Lions if but if I have got time
and I'm not in the class then I'll go
and pick her up if not many doors would
not stay Opia working with people
talking to people because I'm up here
every night and then I'm a boxing choice
it's very rare that I get to put my
little girl to bed off from the weekend
so in the day time for me I've
daddy-daughter time and that's that
sacred to me but when I'm up here you
come in and you become a different
person and don't think of me it's been
this almighty confident person because
confidence is of the code do you just
come and put on it's a lifetime of
working at it it's about people only see
the finished results that don't see the
progress they don't see Arnold
Schwarzenegger Jesus Christ he's a big
fella he wasn't born that way it's every
little dumbbell every little exercise
ever
that's from him to our league to Robert
De Niro to Katie Price don't see the
finish resolved and that's on the
positive scowl exactly that's also have
seen that that drunk will not draw me on
the street you see the finished result
instead of thinking what happened on his
journey or her tunic to make them here
sorry I went off to that's why that's
why I think this great lesson is what
you just said there I'll just I'll just
whining at Danny time less doesn't mean
so the next question I'm thinking you've
kind of explained a little bit and we
can obviously jump back into it but I
want you to think back in your time just
one particularly event care
if you could and I just want to say for
the listeners Kemp has no idea what
we're gonna ask him so he hasn't asked
for the questions he's explained he
doesn't lie reading so this is
completely straight from his heart but
you've been through a lot of adversity
in your life as many of - deserve I want
to think of a time where you've just
faced something they really shit day or
really shit time or something Bad's
happened and I want you to if you could
try and explain to the listeners how you
overcome it what kind of practices you
take of one lessons you've taken from
that you've touched on it previously
like you've always got the the mind set
up we either go forward or back but are
there any sort of key things that you
either tell yourself or you do action
like work out or we'll be around certain
people that you do to really try and get
you out of that situation of adversity
never ever be frightened of asking for
the help but when I go to a pub or
somewhere and I don't know where the
toilets are and for me it's embarrassing
there's a lot of people in then I don't
know don't go it's over there okay
which way to over there so but you will
you'll find your way I remember when I
used to go nightclubbing 18 17 18 19 and
I remember going somewhere and I lost my
friends and it was pitch black the
strobes are going music so I've lost all
my senses are con here or I could see
shadows bumpy and who didn't get angry
talkin front of toilets I remember
walking over to a wall and following the
wall to try and get out and the bouncers
there give me a sword and a whale you
can add the club but starting a fight so
I've got from' name because that was the
only way that I could see I've get him
out of that situation but the way I've
dealt with things I see one of my good
friends Nick Davis who's a
hypnotherapist and through NLP he's
helped me to get through stuff in
hypnosis
I did a chemistry course myself years
ago and I didn't like came to me in
bottom four metres a minute wrong
wasn't for me but NLP and hypnosis
suited me changing patterns in the brain
and figuring out what is the trigger for
sadness what is the trigger for being
angry or searching for and that helped
me but I always say to the lads of the
club your place will twenty pound or
thirty pound for a dietitian or you'll
pay someone for shredder condition early
but we won't go and pay someone to
figure out why we're feeling sad and I
think if we haven't got a a good mind
then nothing else will fall into place
it's something that I probably already
learned last year my mindset and I
kicked myself because in hindsight I
mean you haven't gotta really be here
but when I was boxing with you I thought
I had some good physical capabilities
for example you know it was okay quite
strong and I was able to lean down quite
well not to blow my own trumpet but the
thing that really let me down was my
mindset you know on the pads and when we
were training got Phyllis Phares anyone
I was doing everything was easy right
but you stick me in that ring man and it
was like it was like I was holding 20 kg
dumbbells and I was or sometimes I was
getting out of box by people who I was
thinking and that's not no disrespect to
these individuals he was just what - it
wasn't right and it it's only now and I
sometimes think I wish I could just turn
back time a little bit because the way I
feel now I'm just having that sense of
confidence about myself I'd reckon I'd
be able to transform why didn't with you
and all the lessons you told me which
I'm very grateful for in the ring and i
have had much better success basically I
suppose you work with that on your boxes
as well in terms of the mind says well
well mind is so important and it's the
people we have around us
you can have someone up here five days a
week and that they're brilliant dream
boxes but then their dad or their uncle
or someone puts their nerves on to that
person not a creative person
and it creates an anchor an auditory
anchor answer that's a funny old booger
and sometimes you can feel so good in
yourself and that's not just food box
that's on the pool it's I like her well
she's too good-looking for you oh you're
right yeah oh I'm gonna get this job I
think I'm like a Gregory Clare well you
can't lift that much no you this is a
very hard thing not too late to get into
your world all the people's doubts if
you can try your best to stay strong
with yourself you'll have more success
than any other booger absolutely that's
all powerful nothing I've only started
realizing that myself now my last six
months have changed so much just from
believing in myself and not to make this
about me but even this podcast which is
it's me coming up become physical you
know me you know we're very good friends
but on outside of the way I started the
gym sorry I'm an anxious wreck what I
used to be and you just touched on a few
things in terms of like anchors or
people saying and saying things and I
and I suppose it creates this thing
called limiting beliefs so I remember
somebody once said to me I may
understand your accent and I suppose
that's probably why it's taken me 12
months to release a podcast because I
was so scared of putting my voice out
there and thinking who really wants to
listen to this sir
bromine black country accent but then I
thought there's people out there that
actually do and then over time those
people resonate with my message always
becoming more confident in myself and I
really know somebody's one opinion
basically outweigh their opinion of so
many other people but it's a funny thing
isn't it because I suppose it depends
where that opinion comes from so if it
is say for instance your father or your
uncle or somebody you hold your high
esteem it can take a toll on you so
definitely I think it's a it's a it's a
very good point in terms of be conscious
of the people you're around and if you
do happen to have that point of
around you I'll show ya you made yeah
left okay because even if it is she died
with you if someone is standing in the
way of your goal or their person you
want around you if it's someone who's
gonna say you're gonna hurt yourself and
let they're pointing out as I said if
there's someone who's pointed out the
fear to you the danger then maybe we've
got the best interest this up to you to
figure out if the painting of is worth
it but someone who to put in obstacles
in there well how about if you felt have
it there is nothing at all wrong with
our yeah it's just find out another way
that you shouldn't do it salute
absolutely and I think that's what we've
become wrong because we're like an X
Factor mr. Graham generation and it's I
want to be a singer yeah
that doesn't mean you've got to go
double triple platinum don't why what
you want to do but sit by the success of
it if it makes you happy don't send in
your local Boozer and you're working on
school just because you may never make a
living of eating who cares if it if you
are happy to do it absolutely does that
is the reward of your action I'm just
finding happiness in but the silliest
things really finding gratitude and
fulfillment I'm not having to go through
shit in life not needing to lose
somebody in my family or you know
something bad happening it's you know
their worlds are beautiful places
beautiful people out there and it's
about just finding your passion so my
passion is to always happen is why
people so yeah I'm going to be the best
podcaster in the world but hopefully
this message will have all with a couple
of people and they can change their
lives you can then go on and inspire and
change other people's life so fantastic
point mate I'm going to move it over and
I'm gonna asking you another another
question game think about it what is
your biggest fear
and you're not allowed to say I'm
cheating here you know I'd like to say
anything we listen to Justin okay
my biggest fear at 35 is different to
how I felt fear of 30 were 25 or when I
was at school if you fast without when I
was at school it had been asking a girl
even have been read in acting class it
had been all these things but it should
grow now at 35 and it's as I say my
simple fears there's a big things to me
but nothing to you mmm-hmm I said going
to the toilet went on in in a in a pub
mm-hmm an unfamiliar pub or going out at
night when I've got a walk down the road
another so sad there not to shadow will
to step I remember working with her Nick
Davis journalist subjects only slowly
again and we did a seminar up here we
have to stone
boxers to super 88 boxes and we all sat
in a circle and he said to if we went
what five things have will frighten off
and people went dying in my loved one
dying getting hurt public speaking and
all these things and then Nick said to
me said embarrassment I missing what you
mainly because you're all boxes doing it
would rather go into that ring and have
the snot knocked out of them for two
rounds than to have to do a bit of
public speak you know go and ask that
girl out too and everyone went in from
put the razor pointy you'd rather put
yourself in physical danger than to do
something that you might feel like a
plonker live woman yeah and he said if I
could take you off now to Brazil and you
could fight a lot of super every way to
me not your bed would you care when
Noakes it's not the physical thing it's
good then why cuz cuz I don't know that
don't care
my mom to see me so it's the fear of
making something a little punk were
letting people down and that that fear
is the funniest book Raval isn't it
where there's no feel physical bad can
come from it but the emotional it's
almost like a fear of rape you know it's
I think you've just hit the nail on the
head and I'm and I'm nodding here
because you mention the physical danger
thing and I remember I was sitting in a
mastermind and I was letting the emotion
that you just touched on there almost
consumed me as if I was in like the
whole world of trouble yeah if you ask
me the same question would I rather
stand in a ring it be oh boy you're a be
a champion mate I'll do that any day at
least I would have a few months ago and
it's amazing that there's there's people
out there I used to be one of these
people who would put myself through
physical pain just in rod then instead
of looking like a plonker shariq say as
a cowboy reference just for a few
seconds and like you said I can't hate
you unless you let it hear you unless
you let those emotions consume you and I
suppose it's it's about understanding
when something happens it's not what
actually what happens it's the meaning
we touch a touch to it so if if for
instance you get rejected by a girl if
you touch and meaning to that such as
I'm ugly I'm not worth it I'm not good
enough then obviously you're gonna feel
absolutely crap and you're gonna have
some negative impacts but if you just
say okay fair enough
I had a 50/50 chance there let's go
again hopefully the next one's better
and I think that's something I'm
consciously trying to do much better but
I know I speak with a lot of people it's
it becomes crippling because then you're
you're just hiding hiding in the shadows
and watching the world go by not doing
the things that you need to be doing and
I really want people to hear what you
just said then you know stop it and play
it back because that's really important
messages there and also just if you're
following my journey however small is
see that I'm coming out of my comfort
zone as well and I'm trying to do this
yes I'm doing it one for myself because
it makes me happy but two I'm doing it
to let you guys
that if you're shy if you're anxious and
you all those that you've had in your
head I guarantee 100% I've had it myself
but I'm here you know I'm sitting here
put myself out there but myself are
there on social media every day because
you know we've got one life and
tomorrow's I promise
silly as that science-based trip one
think I learned we we all think we're
individuals will think we are the only
person who's ever felt this and yeah
it's a load of nonsense gang we all want
to be low fuel get fried
gonna have a laugh and anyone who says
different is trying to sell you
something you're not alone with all this
more you can talk to people about it
easier becomes a promise yeah I
understand agree mate and you're not
alone we are gonna come to a fun part of
the show now guys but just before that
just wanna quickly yeah so I know your
mindset I know you know how motivated
you are and especially towards the
community here you know you're training
kids and all those women guys you know
people of all ages religious backgrounds
coaches everything on a day where let's
just say for instance you wake up in
your in a bit of a funk so anyone who
tells you they're super motivated I
wonder percent of the time I think
they're lying I've yet to find anyone
doing that so on that day of the week
say for instance when everything's fine
you know the day before nothing's gone
wrong you haven't a damn accident or
anything but you just build up a bit
shit bit sloppy in that day what keeps
you going on that day as I said there's
two options you do what you don't the
fear of not doing it projector catapults
me into doing it fantastic okay so then
you've heard it that's the buzzer going
off and now we're at the fun part of
this show so what I'm gonna do now is
put Kevin through his paces I'm gonna
ask him questions for 60 seconds and
it's up to keV to see how many he can
answer so keV you ready yes okay buddy
let's get the timer ready I'm gonna go
in three two one
okay the ability to fly or be invisible
invisible money or fame fame Netflix our
YouTube YouTube Corner Brook Brook Coke
or Pepsi would you rather not how you
would die or when you were dying
wait Ali or Tyson are like fury or AJ AJ
summer or winter your favorite place in
the whole wide world
on the catch would be to girls speak
four languages must be able to speak to
animals or languages if you could
abolish one thing in the world what
would it be
that's a cruelty skipping or running -
burp running the best boxer ever are lay
or legs lose your favorite song ever
fastclaw Tracy Chapman and final
question would you rather read minds or
predict the future read mind fantastic
okay so that was a quick fire right just
a little bit of light fun there so you
really think AJ can be fury yeah really
yeah I'm on the fence there I'm I'm more
of a fury fan but yeah let's not make
this a boxing podcast we can do that
some other day okay so sadly we are
coming towards the end of the show now
so we've only got two more things that I
really wanted to try and get from you in
this interview the next one's gonna be
on reflection so high so it's a
wonderful thing and upon reflection we
can always think of ways where we can
get to where we are quicker or do things
easier or perhaps with less money or
stress but I guess the journey teachers
are so light as well I'm a firm believer
that everything happens for a reason so
what I want to know is if you could go
back in time to one moment where you
really struggled and suffered with
adversity kind of like us I suppose when
you when you're 17 and your dad got you
to come to this gym and knowing what you
know now what would you tell your 17
year old self that would help them on
their journey
don't settle being average
normals are variety and I'll be okay in
the morning so just keep trying
absolutely I'll be all right in the
morning fantastic okay so sadly we are
actually at the end of the show now and
I just want to gain taste more but just
a quick thank keV because I'm sure
you'll agree has been a fantastic guest
I promised you it would be good and
hopefully I've delivered on that but the
final question I always like to ask my
guess is if in a hundred fifty years
time we're all dead
and science hasn't managed to keep us
all in life and there's a book and all
the book has is the title which says keV
Dylan and on the back there's a blurb a
summary and that explains a little bit
about what your life was and who kept
Dylan was what would that blow say about
you first of all want the book to say
keV Dylan blind drunk Alliance - -
anything I ever want to be remembered
for his it was a good bloke who helped
people when he could and if I can do
that if I can leave that as my legacy
a good man who helped when he could I
think I left a good one absolutely and
your story's still being written night
but my experience with you is you're an
amazing person I'm proud to have you as
a friend I genuinely mean that you've
always improved my life you've always
been somebody who of how closed closed
in my life I mean equal gone once
without us talking but it's always like
we just seen each other yesterday when
we pick up and I think it's important to
surround yourself with people like your
keV Dylan's in the world because I
believe there's any of us out there and
some of us may need to just find our
voice and kind of come out of our shells
but if you find a kept Dylan certainly
hold on to him now Ken's not too
involved in social media but I know
there's a lion's Instagram page which
I'm following and I know there's a
Facebook page but if there's a one way
that people can contact you keV
because I really want people to kind of
reach out to maybe 100% recommend people
of all shapes and sizes and ages to come
down to this gym it's a family community
it's run by a family it would like I
said it was the best two years of my
life that I can remember being here I'd
certainly recommend it you're you're not
only fitting well enjoy it but you look
good in the process as well no I
certainly get you through your paces but
if there's one place where people could
reach out to you care what would that
one place be Eva as it's only scrap
Kevin Lyons Dillon okay or at the club
which is located Braulio dy5 and free RA
and it's the lines Boxing Club fantastic
the Lyons Boxing Club what I'm gonna
also do is put all of the information to
contact keV in the show notes so you can
all have access to that I'm gonna
obviously share this on my Facebook page
so please do reach out please show the
boxing club some love and I know having
been here it always feels at home when I
come here boxing comes a hard one as
well so if there's anyone that you know
out there who can perhaps help either
with funding or equipment or anything
I'm sure they'll definitely appreciate
it they'll go to good hands you know
you're keeping kids off the street and
doing a good service so thank you to keV
and as always finished from one note
absolutely yeah one of T's take care of
yourselves
and even more important to each other
may your God bless you and if you don't
believe in God then believe in yourself
the son who doesn't believe in anything
will always be lost and remember this
podcast is absolutely free so all we ask
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