Quick Counsel: Recent Episodes
Bret Legg
Quick Counsel is a podcast that helps listeners understand counseling issues in a non-counseling way. It is NOT a substitute for professional counseling or therapy. It’s a place where listeners can find understanding, encouragement, and something they can apply to their life. Each episode will be brief, easy to understand, and give you something practical to apply to your life. Your host Bret Legg has a Masters degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, a Masters Degree in Religious Education, and over 30 years experience in pastoral counseling. He offers practical, no-nonsense information from years of walking with others through the difficulties of life. He and his wife have been married for over 40 years. They have 2 grown children and 4 grandchildren.
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All of us have things that we dread. Whether it’s a confrontation, a chore, or a relational issue, we let anxiety and fear keep us from doing what we need to.
In this episode of Quick Counsel, you’ll learn the 5 steps needed to face something you dread.
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Everybody has a different level of pain tolerance. Some have a high tolerance for pain while others have a low tolerance for pain. The same is true when it comes to discouragement. Some people have a high tolerance for discouragement, while others have a very low tolerance for discouragement.
But no matter what your tolerance for discouragement might be, one thing is for sure…discouragement is unavoidable.
So, in this episode of Quick Counsel, we’ll look at 3 small changes you can make to raise you tolerance for discouragement.
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So often, in marriage counseling, I find that couples are stuck, because spouses are asking the wrong questions. It's true in business, parenting, and especially marriage. If you ask the wrong questions, it will leave you looking in the wrong places and getting the wrong answers.
In this episode of Quick Counsel, we're going to look at marriage and ask the question, "Are you asking the wrong questions?"
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There are people out there who are always convinced they're right. They take a stand and an opinion on almost anything, and they'll ride the "I'm right" train to the very end of the line. And if you somehow prove they're wrong, they will shift the point to something else, or just withdraw.
Why is being right so important to some people? And is there a right or wrong way to be right?
In this episode of Quick Counsel, we’re going to look at these questions and discover that you don’t always have to be right…even when you’re right.
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Often, I have people in my office telling me about how someone said or did something that hurt or offended them. Yet, when I ask if they told this person they were hurt or offended, they typically lower their head and say, “No.”
As a result of not saying anything, their hurt and resentment gradually builds. The rift between them and the other person gets bigger. And their hurt begins to leak out in more and more situations.
This episode of Quick Counsel looks at what keeps us from speaking up, why it’s important, and how we can do a better job of speaking up when we need to.
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We live in a world where we’re told everyone should be able to have what they desire. It’s even framed as a basic human right.
But in reality, that’s not the way the world works And that’s not the world we live in. Things go wrong, our expectations get dashed, and reality sometimes underwhelms us rather than overwhelms us. In short, to quote Mick Jagger, “You can’t always get what you want.”
So, in this episode, we’re going to look at a 3 step model for facing unwanted Situations.
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In my opinion, infidelity is one of the most destructive blow that can be delivered to a marriage. It’s even worse than the death of a spouse. Infidelity can put a marriage on the critical list.
So in this episode, we’re going to take a look at infidelity: What causes infidelity, what does infidelity do to a marriage, and what you can do when infidelity comes to light.
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In this episode of Quick Counsel, we’re going to be looking at giving the present of your presence. Being truly present with someone can be life changing; for them and for you. So, in this episode we will look at: What it means to be truly present with someone. Why your presence is important. What can get in the way of being present. Habits that will help you be more present.
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Every company has a CEO, or Chief Executive Officer. This person is the highest-ranking person in the company and the one ultimately responsible for making managerial decisions. By this definition, you might say, “Relationships don’t have CEO’s. They’re not a business or a corporation.” But many relationships still have a CEO. I call them the Chief Ego Officer, and they function much in the same way as the CEO of a company. They carry a lot of weight in the relationship when it comes to direction and decision making.
In this episode of Quick Counsel, we’ll look at what is a CEO in a relationship and could you possibly be one.
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I have been working with sexual abuse victims for 30 years. So I know that sexual abuse is a delicate and complicated topic which can’t be thoroughly covered in a short podcast.
But today, I just want to give you an overview of sexual abuse. Hopefully, this podcast will give sexual abuse victims (and those who love them) a starting point to understand how the abuse has effected them and what they need to do about it.
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Anyone who knows me, know’s I love stories. If you were to walk into my office, you would find children’s book on my desk as well as my coffee table. Whether they’re Aesop’s fables or Jesus’ parables, stories can have a way of by-passing our heads and convey truth straight to our hearts in a powerful way.
So, in this episode of Quick Counsel, I want to tell you one of my own parables. It’s called “The Parable of the 3 Farmers.” And we’ll look at how this parable might apply to relationship difficulties.
Today, we are continuing our series called "The List." Which refers to a list of ways you can lose your marriage. It’s based on information gleaned from over 20 years of counseling records and over 2 years of watching some marriages fail. And today’s episode deals with something we’ve all heard before, but still have problems with...COMMUNICATION. If you want to risk losing your marriage, then communicate poorly...or not at all. Communication issues are so common in a marriage they border on cliché. And that’s ironic, considering we spend the first part of our life learning to communicate. But somewhere along the line, we begin to let all of that slide as if we’ve got it down. In this episode you’ll find out why good communication is so important, why we tend to let it slide, and what we can do about it.
We are continuing in our series called “The List.” The list refers to a list of ways you can lose your marriage and is based on information gleaned from over 20 years of counseling records and watching marriages fail. Today, we’re going to look at another way to lose your marriage and that is to be parental with your spouse. It’s a fact of life that spouses will occasionally tell one another what to do. When done kindly and respectfully, there’s usually no problem. But it becomes a threat to a marriage when one spouse is continually coming across as parental. In this episode, we’ll look at the signs that you’re being parental, as well as how this happens and what you can do about it.
We are continuing in a series called “The List.” The list refers to a list of ways you can lose your marriage and is based on information gleaned from over 20 years of counseling records and marriage failures.
If you’ve been married for any length of time, there probably have been times when you wondered why you spouse has stopped showing you appreciation like they use to. Appreciation is the grateful and thankful recognition of a person and their efforts. It’s putting action to your gratitude and making your thankfulness visible and tangible.
Find out why appreciation is so important, why we stop showing it, and what we can do about it.
Today, we are continuing in our series called “The List.” The list refers to a list of ways you can lose your marriage and is based on information gleaned from over 20 years of counseling records and 20 years of marriages I’ve seen fail.
Has there ever been a time when your spouse was wanting you to change in some way and you thought, “This is just the way I am. You knew this when you married me.”?
There is no doubt that spouses can have different personalities, and personality differences can even benefit a marriage. The question is…does your inherent personality relieve you of a responsibility to change? And if not, what can you do to responsibly love your spouse and still be you? Find out in this episode of Quick Counsel as we look at another item on The List.
We are currently in a series called "The List." The List refers to a list of ways you can lose your marriage and is based on information gleaned from over 20 years of counseling records.
Past trauma is like a land mine. It’s often hidden, below the surface. But later it can blow up in you life hurting you and your relationships. In this episode, we’ll look at what is trauma, the effects of trauma on an individual, how it can hurt a marriage, and what you can do about it.
Some time ago, I spent a few days thinning out over 20 years of counseling files. As I went through each individual file, I could see faces and remember issues.
I was struck by how many married couples I had worked with. I celebrated those couples who had turned things around and went on to have great marriages. But I also grieved over those marriages that ended in divorce.
I was so burdened those who divorced that I began to jot down the issues that fueled those divorces. What I discovered was, despite the uniqueness of each couple, the issues that led to their divorces were quite common. And with the exception of three or four big things, most of the issues were smaller, more normal things that were left unattended for too long.
So, I compiled my notes into a list I called, "Ways to Lose Your Marriage" or just "The List" for short. And in the weeks to come, I’m going to be sharing this list with you. Each week, in no particular order, we will cover one way to lose your marriage.
Sometime ago, I spent a few days thinning out over 20 years of counseling files. As I went through each individual file, I could see faces and remember issues.
I was struck by how many married couples I had worked with. I celebrated those couples who had turned things around and went on to have great marriages. But I also grieved over those marriages that ended in divorce.
I was so burdened those who divorced that I began to jot down the issues that fueled those divorces. What I discovered was, despite the uniqueness of each couple, the issues that led to their divorces were quite common. And with the exception of three or four big things, most of the issues were smaller, more normal things that were left unattended for too long.
So, I compiled my notes into a list I called, "Ways to Lose Your Marriage" or just "The List" for short. And in the weeks to come, I’m going to be sharing this list with you. Each week, in no particular order, we will cover one way to lose your marriage.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed today, you’re not alone. The Mental Health Foundation, in the UK, did a study in 2018 and found that 74% of people had felt so stressed that they had been overwhelmed or unable to cope. AND THIS STUDY WAS PRE-PANDEMIC!
In this episode of Quick Counsel, we’ll share 3 simple steps that will help you overcome when you’re overwhelmed. And you may be surprised where we found the steps!
Have you ever noticed how some people can go through difficult times and it throws them into despair they can get out of, while others can go through a difficult time and they wind up bouncing back from it? In this episode of Quick Counsel, we talk about the secret of bouncing back from difficulties.
In this podcast, we talk to Sean Allen, Equipping Minister for Men and Recovery Group, about the benefits of helping others. Sean has years of experience in helping people of various populations, and he has great insight about how to engage in helping others, and how that can help you.
We all have people in our lives that we wish we could change. But trying to change them either does no good or makes matters worse. Maybe, instead of changing people, we need to change our perspective instead. Let’s look at that today on Quick Counsel.
At every wedding ceremony, somewhere in the service, the bride and groom exchange marriage vows. These vows are a declaration of their commitment to one another, and are meant to cement the couple in a lifetime relationship. But we all know couples who stood before a minister in tuxes and wedding gowns and exchanged such vows with great emotional sincerity and intention…only to stand in a divorce court years later and dissolve their marriage.
It takes more than exchanging VOWS to make a marriage work and go the distance. It takes vowels! In order to keep your marriage vows, you must exchange your marriage vowels. Find out more.
If you’re married, you know that sex can be a point of disagreement at best and a point of conflict at worst.
The sexual relationship in marriage is often fraught with disagreements, misunderstandings, wounded egos, and some fighting, because…Sex is very personal. Gender Differences. Differing Social Messages. Married couples can improve sex through…TALKING. TIMING. TRUST. TRYING. These 4 things (talking, timing, trust, and trying) are great ways to breathe some new life into sex and make sex better for you and your spouse. And, if your spouse doesn’t seem interested in putting a lot of effort into these things, you put the effort into the things you can do. I guarantee it will still make a difference in your marriage.
Ever wished you had a superpower? Well, you do. But your super power is only good if you use it. So in this episode of Quick Counsel, we’re going to encourage you to use your super power.
Maintaining your mental health is a broad topic. We’re going to look at five approaches to good mental health.
Much has been said about pornography and sexual addiction from the addict’s perspective, but in this episode of Quick Counsel, we talk to Chrissy Almodovar about how pornography and sexual addiction affects the addicts partner. Chrissy’s husband struggled to overcome a pornography addiction and now he helps other as a pastoral counselor, while she leads a group for wives whose husbands struggle with pornography. For more information on Erik or Chrissy’s work and ministry, you can contact Erik at ealmodovar@warrengrovetown.org.
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Is mental health medication for the weak or the wise? We’re going to look into that question today on Quick Counsel. In my counseling office, I see people who are clearly depressed or struggling with anxiety. And some of them are struggling to the point that their depression or anxiety is interfering with their relationships, their work, their enjoyment...and life in general. Yet, when I suggest that they might need to see their physician about the possibility of taking an antidepressant or an anti-anxiety medication, many of them push back and resist the suggestion.
We’re all a little immature when we get married. It’s ok to be immature when you get married, but it’s not ok to stay that way! Here’s how can you spot an immature spouse…
How to Spot an Immature Spouse PDF
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It’s not a lack of communication that’s the problem in relationships. It’s a lack of good communication. But I want to explain to you how you can use UPS to deliver good communication in your relationships.
Communication can be boiled down to the simple act of receiving a message and then delivering a message…much like UPS. So we’re going to use the letters U-P-S to help you improve communication in your relationship.
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Have you ever wished you could go back and change something in your history? Most of us feel that way, but we know we can’t change the past. You can’t change our history.
But what if I told you there IS a way to change your FUTURE HISTORY. It may sound like something from a sci-fi movie, but it’s possible! You don’t have to be a time traveler to change your future history. You just have to make the most of what’s in front of you now!
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I would like to tell you that you and I can completely rid ourselves of discouragement, but I can’t. Discouragement is a part of life that we can’t completely avoid.
But I can tell you how to increase your tolerance level for discouragement. It involves making three small changes:
Change Your Focus. Change Your Comparisons. Change Your Frame.
If you’re a person of faith, you can see these three changes in the story of David and Goliath.
Are you discouraged today? Is there something that seems too big for you? Try applying these 3 changes and see if it doesn’t raise your tolerance level for discouragement.
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There are many different support groups out there, and many people attending them. But are they helpful? I believe they are. In this episode of Quick Counsel, we’re going to answer these three questions:
What is a support group? Is a support group helpful? How can you find a support group?
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Our moods can feel like some ethereal, ghost-like entity that just settles upon us. Like something intangible that we can’t quite get a hold of. But once you understand how a mood is made, you will begin to understand how you can manage a mood. In this episode of Quick Counsel, we’re going to help you do this, by explaining what goes into making your mood and 3 things you can do to help manage your mood.
Download Making of a Mood diagram
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In this episode of Quick Counsel, we talk with Erik Almodovar. Erik is a pastoral counselor at Warren Grovetown Church in Grovetown, GA. As a pastoral counselor, Erik deals with a variety of issues, but he is particularly adept and experienced in working with men who struggle with pornography and sexual addiction. Listen as Erik explains the nature and prevalence of sexual addiction, the damage it does, and how a person can find freedom from this addiction. This episode will give hope to those struggling with pornography and sexual addiction.
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Ordering Drive up is easy. So, what if you could apply the same principles of ordering drive-up to your everyday communications with your friends or spouse? In this episode of Quick Counsel, we’re going to show you how to do just that.
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These days, everyone is promoting something they say will make your life better. But, at the risk of sounding like everyone else, what if I told you that there are 3 things everyone needs to make their life better?
It may sound like a sales pitch, but in this episode of Quick Counsel, I’m going to share with you 3 things that I believe every single person needs in their life. (And it may surprise you.)
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Everyone can be plagued with defeating thoughts. It’s part of being human. Something bad or unwanted happens and we get sucked down a rabbit hole of negativity.
But in this episode, I’m going to give you a simple two-step process for derailing defeating thoughts that anyone can practice.
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Sometimes we have difficulties resolving problems because we get in a mental rut and get stuck with just one perspective...ours! We need a different perspective, but to do that we need to get some distance and some objectivity when it comes to our situation. In this podcast, we talk about three simple approaches to getting a different perspective on things.
Also, here’s a link to a post we referenced by Shayla Love entitled “Why You Should Talk to Yourself in the Third Person.”
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There are always gaps between spouses. One may be a spender and the other a saver. One may be an introvert and the other an extrovert. One may be a detailed person and the other a big-picture person. These gaps originally were attractive, but over time, they become glaring and aggravating. When that happens, we often deal with it in ways that make matters worse. In this podcast, you will get four strategies to help with the gaps in your marriage.
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We all want to know that we’re making the right decisions and going in the right direction. But with so many decision to make, and so many options out there, how can you know? In this podcast, I’ll give you 3 simple questions that will give you greater clarity when it comes to determining if you’re on the right path. We’ll even ask an even bigger question, “Is there really such thing as a “right path?”
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So often we say, “I could really be happy if only...” and then we talk about something we feel is standing in the way of our happiness.
Well, today on Quick Counsel, we’re going to look at what’s standing in the way our our happiness.
Spoiler alert! It might not be what you think.
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It’s bad when people lie to you. Whether they’re politicians, bosses, spouses, or friends, being lied to hurts. It’s betraying and disrespectful. But the one things that’s worse than having others lie to you, is when you lie to yourself!
And that’s what we’re going to talk about today on Quick Counsel.
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On today’s episode of Quick Council, I am going to give you a quick tip on improving communication in marriage. I call it The Sands of Time.
So let’s get to it.
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What’s the difference between normal worry and abnormal anxiety?
That’s what we’re going to look at today on Quick Counsel...
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When you and your spouse are at odds with one another, it’s easy to expect your spouse to be the first one to try to make things right. But what happens if they don’t want to go first? What happens if you don’t want to go first? Who should go first to repair the relationship?
In today’s episode of Quick Council, we’re going to see if we can figure that out!
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If someone asked, “Who are you?” How would you answer?
On this episode of Quick Counsel, we’re going to take a few minutes and wrestle with the question, “Who are you?”
So let’s dig in...
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It’s a common question - “How do I know if I need to see a counselor?”
Today, on Quick Counsel, we’re going to give you some practical advice that will help you answer this question for yourself, or someone you know.
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Have you ever had someone hurt your feelings or make you angry, but you didn't say anything because you don't want to face the possible conflict? Today on Quick Counsel we are going to talk about a simple approach to address this minimal fallout.
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Here’s a riddle for you...What is it that is sought by everyone and available to everyone, but some never find?
If you’ve read the title of this podcast, then you know the answer is “MEANING.” Today on Quick Counsel, we’re going to look at our search for meaning and why it’s so important.
LINK:
“Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0807014273? pf_rd_r=GM9JAPQJQ2YFHKRBTG7J&pf_rd_p=edaba0ee-c2fe-4124-9f5d-b31d6b1bfbee
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Intimacy…Some long for it and some fear it. But most everyone has trouble defining it and improving it.
Today on quick counsel we’re going to dive into the mystery of intimacy. We’re gonna look at how we define it and how you can improve it particularly in the context of marriage. So let’s go.
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Some people are resistant to the idea of seeing a counselor. They don’t see the need for it, and they certainly can’t see how they could benefit from counseling.
If you know someone like this...or if you are someone like this...this episode is for you!
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A lot of people use the terms self-esteem and self-worth interchangeably. But are they the same thing? And why does it matter?
We’ll be looking at this today on Quick Counsel.
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When it comes to reacting and making decisions...should we listen to our feelings? Some will say “yes” and some will say “no.” Stay tuned and I’ll tell you what I think.
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Mindfulness. There’s a lot of talk about mindfulness these days. But what is it, and can it really help you, and how? Today on QUICK COUNSEL, we’re going to give you a basic understanding of mindfulness and how it can help you. So stay tuned. Subscribe to the Quick Counsel Podcast: Apple, Google, Spotify and Stitcher
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We’re all familiar with children needing a time-out when they’re having trouble controlling themselves, but have you ever thought that there are times when spouses need a time out also.
We’re going to talk about that today on Quick Counsel.
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What’s the difference between depression and just being down? Today we’re going to look at how you can know if you’re really depressed, or just feeling down. LINK: *APA article - https://www.medscape.com/answers/286759-14692/what-are-the-dsm-5-criteria-for-diagnosis-of-major-depressive-disorder-clinical-depression#qna Subscribe to the Quick Counsel Podcast: Apple, Google, Spotify and Stitcher
Find more from Bret on his website, bretlegg.com | Instagram | YouTube | Facebook
Welcome to the maiden voyage of the Quick Counsel Podcast. I’m your host, Bret Legg. I’m a pastoral counselor with a Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, a Masters Degree in Religious Education, and more than 30 years of years of experience in helping people. And my goal with this podcast is to help people who might not ever go to counseling understand concepts and issues that could improve their life. Please know this...This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or therapy. The purpose of this podcast is to give you, the listener, a simple and practical understanding of counseling issues and how they might apply to your life. Each episode will be brief and easy to understand. We won’t take much of your time, but hopefully each episode will give you something that will be applicable to your life and help you grow. So I just wanted to give you a quick introduction to me and the podcast. You can find me at bretlegg.com as well as on YouTube. I hope you’ll tune in for each episode of the Quick Counsel Podcast and that it will bring some help and value to your life. Thank you for listening to the Quick Counsel podcast. If you found this helpful, please subscribe, leave a comment, question, or review, and share it with others. You can also find me on YouTube and at bretlegg.com. I hope to catch you on the next episode of the Quick Counsel Podcast. Subscribe to the Quick Counsel Podcast: Apple, Google, Spotify and Stitcher