The Mauling News: Recent Episodes
East Coast Radio
Catch Darren’s satirical take on whatever is making news headlines in today's Mauling News
Last night Michael Bublé explained what his name means in front of 17 000 people. Mauling News shares the details.
Every man needs to know this. The secret to how to please a woman in today's Mauling News
It has emerged that the reason police men don't arrest as many women as men is because police men are too scared to tell a woman - you have the right to remain silent. Mauling News reports
Clues: He's also a ginger, 7 feet tall and barely intelligible. So coming soon to a BBC near you is... Mauling News reports.
South Africa faces a shortage of unqualified medical practitioners. The biggest gap? Gynaecologists. Tannie Evita Bezuidenhout said: Find out in today's Mauling News
It has been calculated that Eskom has cost South Africa 0.3 percent of GDP growth. GDP of course means Great Drop in Productivity. Mauling News reports
In the modern age there are always three sides to every story. Find out what they are in today's Mauling News
Barack Obama has asked both parties to work together to stop global warming and the melting of the ice caps. Obama said. Take a listen in today's Mauling News
NRL referees are to stop wearing pink shirts because their authority is being 'undermined' by wearing pink. We thought their authority was being undermined by brain (fart) decisions.
The new Samsung s6 edge is going to make it harder to complain when your signal gets weaker: as in- what do you mean you're on edge...
Research shows that alcohol greatly impairs your reality and decision making process. So, whatever you do, don't... Mauling News reports
We would just like to ask the ladies at clicks who ask 'Do you have a clicks card' and I say No. Please don’t look at me like I just said, No, I didn’t pass Matric.
It's Wednesday and it could be an amazing hump day, provided you interpret it as a verb and not a noun.
Birdman Best film director Alejandro González Iñárritu has confirmed that Birdman will not have an all female cast sequel because an all girl Birdman would have to be called... Mauling News reports.
Vanilla Ice has been arrested for breaking and entering. We suspect it's a publicity stunt for his next one hit wonder: ice ice breaker. Mauling News reports
After 50 shades of grey's success, sexy lingerie and sexy sports cars are announcing that grey is the new black, or as JT calls it. we're bringing sexy black.
Only in SA would there be a screening of the movie 50 Shades of Grey at a theatre in CT with the name... Mauling News reports
Comedy Central would like to announce that it moves from channel 122 to channel 408 today at 2pm. For the live debate on the SONA!
A minister in the presidency now claims that the signal loss at last weeks SONA was a glitch. Yes signal loss was a glitch, the speech was a stitch, and Eskom is a.... Find out in today's Mauling News
Ladies, it's Valentines, but if you're a plus sized girl, only get on top if you like Candy Crush.
Eskom says it can not guarantee that they can keep the lights on for SONA2015 or as Gwede Mantashe calls it, Cabinet by Candlelight.
It was so hot yesterday that residents of EThekwini were frying eggs on their stoep. Also because there was load shedding.
We need to listen to our leaders a bit more. Not because they are always right, but because they have so often been wrong. Mauling News reports
Chad ho has won his 6th consecutive Midmar mile. The history books will reflect that for six years it was ho ho ho, ho ho ho. The women's event is more telling. For a record eighth year. The record books for the grueling event will reflect: Payne!
Eskom in an attempt to placate the public are changing the name of its headquarters from Maga Watt park to mega what time is load shedding today.
Eskom is set to release a reveal all booklet on its dirty power cut secrets. 50 Sheds a Day.
Robert Mugabe promises to usher in a new age to the African Union now that he is the chairman. He has promised to put a man on the moon, give woman the vote and will engage scientists on their fascinating research into electricity.
A new study shows that SA is now ranked 4th of the world's heaviest drinkers. That is just an estimate of course, as many alcoholics are anonymous... Mauling News reports.
Scores of loggerhead turtles have washed up on Cape beaches miles from their natural habitat. No one can decide who's responsibility the loggerheads are, environmentalists or biologists. They are ironically at loggerheads with each other. Mauling News reports
Hashim Amla was not too pleased with Quintin de kocks ODI performance yesterday. Why you wonder? Find out in today's Mauling News
After another lovely day in SA and load shedding, when will Eskom realise that there is a giant ball of never ending fission energy that rises and sets somewhere in the world every single day. It's the kind of deal that will never have the tag line Pay Back the Sunny.
A man on the South Coast has been arrested for growing marijuana in his back yard... His defense... Find out in today's Mauling News
If Helen Zille has taught us one thing is that 100 years ago women had no rights, 60 years ago women fought for their rights. Today, women are always right. Catch the Mauling News here.
The DA Yesterday announced the beginning of a bonafide Diarrhoea Season. This is a real season and a real issue. So please, no more crappy jokes. This effects everyone, in the poor and effluent areas...At least the price of pooperty will come down.
A local restaurant did not know what hit them when an EFF member wanted a refund for what he said was a unsatisfactory bunny chow. Find out why the owner finally gave in in today's Mauling News.
There was an awkward moment yesterday when a Lesotho health official was asked to give the statistics on TB in that country. She said that 9 out of 10 Lesotho's have TB. Are you positive? Yes...no....yes....no. Mauling News Reports
Rumour has it that Durban Millionaire bought a couple of Picasso's this weekend. Why? Mauling News reports
And the tweet of the weekend goes to Casper de Vries who said: damn it, forgot to get up early for gym again today! That makes it 17 years in a row.
Bob Newhart and his wife have been married now for 52 years. His advice about understanding women. Do not try to understand women just keep buying them stuff.
Durban weather history was made. We were able to complete an entire game of cricket without weather interruptions. No storms, no rain and no Gayle. We played, we won, but for the record... There was no Gayle. Mauling News reports
Eskom has ruled out the possibility of a national blackout. Hard to tell with their on again off again policy. Mauling News reports
The Dept of Basic Education has said that matric pupils caught cheating will face a 3 year ban, or as we used to call it, a gap year. Mauling News reports
Bobby Mugabe has sent his congratulations to the ANC on their 103rd birthday celebrations. He also said he could get more people to come to his 103rd birthday which is coming up soon.
It's that time of year again when we start thinking of our New Years Resolutions. Consider these celebrity resolutions before you commit to one that will invariably fail by February. Like; losing weight or quitting a bad habit or making amends. Consider these...
Disgraced and now retired SABC chair person Ellen Tshabalala declares Kim Kardashian as her inspiration. You know, the other woman with no skills, no talent and no qualifications who made a fortune for doing nothing.
The police have confirmed that around 20 of the stolen Red Bull trophies have been found at the bottom of a lake. They just sank… red bull… didn’t give them wings. Mauling News reports
Henry, the Nile crocodile who was born in 1900 & has survived two world wars, turned 114 years old yesterday. Helen Zille sent her birthday wishes and remembers fondly the day Henry was born.
Eskom has said that there wont be anymore blackouts this festive season, well, wont be a lot, well there might be but Eskom sent out this Xmas message to all SA’s. Click here to hear the message.
There will be no load shedding... Yes there will. No load shedding today. Wait we are already load shedding. Load shedding will end tonight, maybe tomorrow definitely next year.
Ellen Tshabalala lied about her qualifications and now is attempting to use the law to protect herself! Lying about your qualifications is fraud, which is a crime in my mind! Mauling News reports
A sniffer dog has returned to duty after accidentally inhaling cocaine while searching a car for drugs. He returns to active duty today... not as a police dog though but on snow patrol! Mauling News reports
Nobody replied to my mails or answered my calls for an hour after 8 last night. I thought it was load shedding but it emerged that Generations is back.
Singing exercises your heart, lungs and releases endorphins, making you feel good. Mauling News reports more on this finding.
Breaking News: An ancient Egyptian spell book from 1300 years ago has been translated! Mauling News reports.
The South African post offices three month strike has come to an end - voices nation wide echoed the same sentiment: The post office was on strike? Didn't even know.
Rugby: Sharks and Springbok prop Jannie Du Plessis is to miss the match with Wales do to hamstring injury. Some of Whales had this to say... Find out in today's Mauling News
U2's front man Bono suffers serious injuries in a bicycle accident in New York. He could claim from Heath insurgence because His ID was in his lost luggage. Authorities said; they still haven't found what they're looking for.
Rumours abound that Bafana's Shakes Mashaba had a side bet with Nigeria before their AFCON crunch match last night. The bet; who ever loses keeps TB Joshua. Viva Bafana viva shakes Mashaba!
Italy is about to make history by sending the first Italian woman astronaut into space. She commented earlier: when the moon hits the sky like a big pizza pie I'll be half way.
Beyoncé's sister has successfully made it to the alter. JayZ had to bite his tongue at the end of reception not to say; Solange and thanks for the cake.
It has emerged that owls are the hardest to train because they are actually the least intelligent of the birds. Which makes the collective noun even more accurate - a parliament of owls.
Richard Branson launched Virgin Money to the UK yesterday. It's the same as usual money it's just that it has been handled a lot less.
Emergency services were called to the world trade centre in NY City yesterday again. This time to rescue two window cleaners. We propose that they just change the buildings name to world terrible things happen centre.
It has been brought to the MNN's attention that since the advent of social media there have been no real philosophers in the calibre as Socrates or Nietzsche or Descartes. So here is your ten 21st century philosophies
A recent survey has shown that as many as a third if all jobs in the UK can and will be replaced by robots in the next 20 years. That wouldn't work here. One thunderstorm and our robots are out for days.
Yesterday 25 years ago the Berlin Wall came down, and Steve Hofmeyr released his first album. Coincidence, I think not.
What does Julius Malema, Floyd shivambu an the EFF mps have in common? Mauling News reports
For the 1st time in centuries the best whiskey in the world is not made in Scotland. It's made in Japan! Mauling News reports
A Russian spokesperson denies allegations racisim after news broke about South African footballer Siyanda Xulu considering to leave. It seems though that the statement is stick historically stuck to them!
For the first time on their national sports television networks, the US CITIZENS watched a rugby game. USA vs All blacks. Most Americans commented with: why don't we have real sports like this?
This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him." I'll be back...
It might surprise you to know that the three most popular words with teenagers are not Selfie, Twerk and ermagerd but congratulations you passed.
Plans to make Mpenjati Beach in KZN a nudist beach have been approved: the contract was laid bare early yesterday. And details will shortly be published in a small booblet.
We would like to assure the community that in this climate of increased mall attacks that our own Mall, East Coast Radio's Darren Maule has not been compromised in anyway!
If the Dali lama had been allowed into the country of SA, he would have explained what Karma is. Like South Africa's president being denied an audience with British Prime Minister James Cameron. Karma disguise itself well. Kind of like a karma chameleon.
Julius Malema charged with assault for manhandling an irate customer at a steers in Limpopo. Malema said he didn't invite his 7 body guards to join in, they just super sized the conflict!
Negotiations with striking postal services workers have reached a dead end. It would seem that Authorities are going to have to push the envelope. Union leaders have been urged to start thinking outside the mail box.
The Beijing marathon carried on this past weekend even after it was almost cancelled due to air pollution. Must competitors said that had a very good smog.
We were going to buy lunch for our Boss for Bosses Day yesterday till we realized he doesn't pay us enough.
There are talks of making a Ghostbusters 3 movie with an all girl cast: proposed tag line: I ain't afraid of no heels!
After a cell phone exploded on a bus in China. Chinese authorities are discouraging Chinese citizens from buying cheap or unlicensed products, said Chinese spokesperson. Yee ahh right!
Texas reports its first case of Ebola. This strain however is different, it's easier to spot under a microscope. Because everything in Texas is bigger.
Our favorite international cricketer we love to hate, Kevin Pietersen has shocked the world with a tell-all book. One of the more shocking revelations about the book is that Kevin Pietersen can read and write!
We feel it necessary to explain to Shrien Dewani that Bisexual is men and women, not just when you pay for it #JustSaying
The Oxford English Dictionary now officially includes the words "chillax" and "whatevs. We think this is quite Shweet and agree hundreds bru. Lukka.
The World Summit of Nobel Peace Laureates was cancelled as 6 delegates pulled out in protest of the Dalai Lama being denied entry to SA. Hmm yeah, the problem with peace is that it doesn't make you a lot of money.
Heads up. If you return home from a trip to Europe to find that your daughter in SA has lost a milk tooth. Please remind the tooth fairy not to pay HER in Euros.
It has emerged that the extensive spending at Nkandla was focused on the chicken coop, the coop was reinforced to contain all the scapegoats.
If you are a Pirates Bulls and ManU fan this Monday Are you feeling black and blue and a bit red in the face? #JustSaying
The Simpsons is the longest running animated series on TV ever. Followed closely by Parliament.
It would seem that the EFF's Floyd and Juju don't like asking for bathroom breaks during parlimentary proceedings. So how do they "go?"
Springbok flanker Francois Louw will miss the rest of the Castle Lager Rugby Championship due to a pinched nerve. Ironically louw cites this as the louw point in his career.
The secret is out; We now know where Taylor Swift finds the inspiration for her songwriting!
Crooked kids, Merry Mancs, Scottish Specie, Mayweather's money and Chuck Norris; what more could you want in The Mauling News?
The Vatican called Barry Roux to inform him that he has been nominated for a sainthood after getting a disabled man to walk.
Only one day after the end of his ban FC Barcelona have confirmed that Luis Suarez will be able to play against Real Madrid on 25 October. No starters, just strait to the mains.
Despite Bafana vs Nigeria in CAPE TOWN... both are said to have the homeground advantage!
Pres Zuma returns from Russia with love in time to find out that the public protector is working for the CIA, Jill Marcus is raising bonds (James Bonds) and that earthquake from a few weeks ago has left this country shaken, not stirred.
The sporting world was turned upside down this last week end; Springboks lost to Aussies, the Sharks lost to Griquas, the Cheetahs lost to Pumas and Federer & Djokovic were both knocked out of the US Open semi-finals. Thanks Bafana Bafana for throwing the sporting universe into disarray.
The DA's Helen Zille is having difficulty interpreting the Spy Tapes. It appears to be her first time accessing double sided spy tape.
This Sunday Carte Blanche will reflect on the challenges facing Jacob Zuma. We weren't aware that carte Blanche was a 24 hour dedicated channel.
The Ivory Coast approves if a football match amid Ebola fears. Players are not concerned You pass Ebola, you stop Ebola you kick Ebola egoaaaaaaaaaaala!
Most SA's are surprised at the attempted military coup in Lesotho over the weekend. Most knew you could get store bought koo but military koo is another thing altogether.
Nicolas Cage has bought a 67-million-year-old dinosaur skull. I think there is something unethical about cage kept dinosaurs
The South African police services are changing their name but in a cost saving measure will keep the acronym SAPS except now it means… All revealed in today’s Mauling News
The WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION or WHO has told us not to fear Ebola in SA. Who made who the last word on this, why have what where and why been so quiet?
Yesterday was a tough day for news journalists what with Generations actors press conference, security cluster report, lonmin commission and Parliament on eff. No one knew which one was the soapie or the Drama or the reality or the horror
Juju has proven what capitalists have known for years. When you owe the tax man money you have 2 options. Bankruptcy or presidency
Only one week after our 5.3 mag earthquake, San Francisco harbor in California USA Experiece a mag 6 earthquake, those damn yanks - always have to be bigger and better!
Tonight Darren Maule makes his fight night debut at SMD Ballito, but Next week, Zuma and Juju go head to head in the EFF heavyweight-lightweight title of South Africa for R255million.
It has been revealed why probes and rovers have been sent to mars with almost no interest in the next planet in our solar system. Who wants to be the first one to Uranus. Mauling News reports
It has emerged that chuck Norris was responsible for the hole in the ozone layer, also he was the one who single handedly fixed it. Mauling News Reports
A Saudi prince while his motorcade was driving through France yesterday was robbed of $250 000 in a carjacking. The prince was shaken and vowed never to drive around with his small change ever again.
Eskom has released a memo informing South Africans of what to do in the event of loadshedding... Mauling news reports
It is a fact that Homosexual behavior has been found in over 1,500 different species on planet earth. Homophobia however, is found in only one. Who's evolved now? Mauling News reports
We can be glad that the Proteas don't compete in the ashes cricket tournament if only because the hashtag on social media would be... Mauling News Reports
Did you know - The youth league now wants disgraced ANC stalwart Pallo Jordan to receive an honorary doctorate. Mauling News reports on this issu
It's official: Grace Mugabe will enter Zimbabwean politics and did you know people generally read 25% slower on a computer screen compared to paper! Mauling News reports
It was announced that Pres Jacob Zuma will now investigate corruption... Yes and later Helen Zille will frown on... Revealed in today's Mauling News
Yesterday members of ECR were found swinging sticks and shouting unrecognizable words. To the observer it might have appeared as witchcraft, but the locals call it... All revealed in today's Mauling News
Outrage poured out yesterday when a photo of two Pretoria girls with their faces painted black went viral. What's all the fuss, we do this all the time... Mauling News reports
Even basic education minister, Angie Motshekga, had something something to say about the earthquake yesterday...
Carl Pistorius now involved in a serious head on collition on the roads. These Pistorius boys either have the worst case of bad luck or the best case of bad Karma... Mauling news reports
Just for you. The hole in a pencil sharpener that you stick a pencil into is called a "chuck." And who put the hole in every sharpener in the world?
Did you know: The German government are considering using typewriters to beat the NSA surveillance and find out what the Former minister of police Nothing mthetwa has finally admitted
Breaking Mauling News: So you are telling me Germany beat Brazil in... Beach volleyball?
The Breakfast team are broadcasting live from Switzerland – all things Swiss features in this week’s Mauling News.
EFF says corporate tax in SA is not enough to fit the bill for education and Hurricane Author is threatening to put a dent in the American summer holidays! Mauling News reports on the latest breaking news here:
SABC boss Hlaudi Motsoeneng says that him getting a Venda wife was a mistake. He explains today in Mauling News
It seems that Kevin Anderson can't get ahead in Tennis because of the language barrier... Find out what word he struggles most with in Today's Mauling News
Did you know: It's is now a reality that 1,500 teens drop out of high school each day and that 20 years ago Aerosmith became the first band to release a song for online download.
Can you guess how much the prize for first place in the FIFA world cup is? Mauling News reveals what you could buy with the winning
A spokesperson for team Scotland commented in the springboks losing beast and flip van set merwe said: All revealed in Mauling News
John Kerry has been asked to talk to Iranians about their conflicting ways and Russians are surprised that they weren't able to take Belgium in Brazil.
Sean Connery has sworn to not go back to Scotland... Find out what happened in today's Mauling News
The now honourable Julius Malema was asked a few simple questions during his first foray in parliament. We asked if these springboks can beat the all blacks! This is what he had to say: