Breaking the Silence: Recent Episodes
Reach 10
Confused about the impact of pornography on relationships? Or what healthy sexuality really is? Today sexuality is talked about too much without the respect it deserves and not enough with the respect it deserves. If you’re a young adult who wants to change the culture of shame, silence, and fear around sexual issues, this podcast is for you. Listen in each week as Creed and Crishelle, from the nonprofit Reach 10, discuss these issues with young adults and experts. You’ll hear how real connection can begin healing lives and relationships affected by pornography.
Listen to learn how to create a marriage worth having through greater intimacy and fantastic sex. You and your spouse deserve it and can have it. Dan shares his story and principles that will help you and your spouse (or future spouse) create the best marriage possible.
Dan and his wife Emily Purcell are the founders of Get Your Marriage On! They are on a mission to strengthen marriages by making love-making incredible and deepening couples’ connection through physical and emotional intimacy. They are the creator of the popular Intimately Us app that has been downloaded over 300,000 times. They host romantic retreat getaways for couples, host the Get Your Marriage On! Podcast, and coach couples on how to have a great sex life and deeper intimacy.
Dan and Emily have been married for over 19 years and have 6 kids. Dan loves cracking dad jokes, running marathons, planning the next creative date night with his sweetheart, and enjoys the magnificent outdoors around their St George home.
Show Notes:
- Join Relay with a free trial: bit.ly/breakingthesilence-relay
- Listen to Chandler’s story on Episode 2.2 here.
- Dan’s website: https://getyourmarriageon.com/
- Listen to Get Your Marriage On
- Follow Dan on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/getyourmarriageon/
- The apps - Anatomy of Marriage, Intimately Us, Just Between Us, Life After Pornography: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/
- Submit anonymous questions for our Ask a Therapist series or share your story here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach10.org
Love the content and want more? Donate to help us reach more people with compassion, courage, and connection at https://reach10.org/donate/
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Shame can be demoralizing and keep someone stuck thinking they will never be lovable or worthy ever again. Madi shares her story in how she overcame the shame of being a young woman struggling with porn with courage and support. She has since started sharing her story to help other people know they aren’t alone and they are worth the fight.
She runs a podcast called Sisters On The Front Lines, where she has young women share their stories about their struggles with pornography, and interviews experts on their insights. She is also a presidency member of the Unalone Club at BYU, a club dedicated to providing a space where those struggling with pornography/those supporting one who is struggling can come to share their burdens and feel "Unalone.”
Show Notes:
Listen to Sisters on the Front Lines Podcast
Follow Madi on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sistersonthefrontlines/
Join Relay with a free trial: bit.ly/breakingthesilence-relay
Submit anonymous questions for our Ask a Therapist series or share your story here.
Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach10.org
Love the content and want more? Donate to help us reach more people with compassion, courage, and connection at https://reach10.org/donate/
Disclaimer:
The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Allowing someone to see all the parts of you can be the scariest thing someone ever does. It is often human tendency to want to prove they are worthy or require someone to show evidence to feel safe enough in a relationship. Rachel Denton, our expert therapist, answers this question submitted by a listener and gives real life examples for how honesty brings greater intimacy, trust, and connection in a relationship.
Rachel grew up in Portland and came to Utah for school. She graduated from the University of Utah with her masters in social work. Rachel worked with different agencies that specialize in pornography and addiction issues, including Fight the New Drug, until she had her adorable baby girl and decided to focus on her private practice. She is also on the board for Reach 10, the non-profit that makes this podcast possible.
In this episode:
- Showing progress through action.
- Honesty leads to true freedom and choice.
- You always have the choice to be seen and to stay.
- Honesty and accountability build a solid foundation.
Show Notes:
Find Rachel Denton here.
Join the Relay App here.
Listen to Chandler’s story on Episode 2.2 here.
Submit anonymous questions for our Ask a Therapist series or share your story here.
Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach10.org
Love the content and want more? Donate to help us reach more people with compassion, courage, and connection at https://reach10.org/donate/
Disclaimer:
The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
When someone needs help, who do they turn to? Listen to find out how a bishop can help in your healing journey. Maybe it is obvious help is needed or you are coasting wondering what the next step of your healing is - either way listen to find out how a bishop can help you find peace.
Doug Kleven is a husband, father of 5 ranging from 22 to 10. Co-owner of Blue Valley Insurance. He likes watching baseball and boxing - specifically getting punched in the head. He is almost addicted to reading.
In this episode:
- Why is it important to meet with a bishop?
- Finding the courage to honestly share.
- Change does not happen without honesty.
- You can find help when you seek it.
Show Notes:
Email Doug at douglas@bluevalleyinsureance.net
Join the Relay App here.
Submit anonymous questions for our Ask a Therapist series, Ecclesiastical Leader series, or share your story here.
Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach10.org
Love the content and want more? Donate to help us reach more people with compassion, courage, and connection at https://reach10.org/donate/
Disclaimer:
The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
We brought Carlie, the Christian Sex Educator, back this season to break down the gaps that keep our faith, values, and sexuality from living together in harmony. Whether someone has suppressed their sexuality or has unwanted sexual behaviors that are congruent with what they believe this episode is for them. Come laugh, cry, and learn with us as we discuss how to find healing, hope, and peace with our God-given sexuality.
Carlie Palmer-Webb is a sexuality researcher, entrepreneur, enthusiastic Jesus lover, hugger, and The Christian Sex Educator. She earned her master's degree in Marriage, Family, and Human Development. Carlie grew up in a wonderful and loving Christian home, but one where sex was never talked about or mentioned. She has made it her life mission to become the sex educator that she desperately needed.
In this episode:
- Putting down the fight of faith and sexuality.
- Suppression vs unwanted sexual behaviors.
- Finding sexual wholeness.
- Never far too gone - His grace is sufficient.
Show Notes:
Find Carlie, The Christian Sex Educator here.
Follow her on Instagram here.
Join the Relay App here.
Listen to Chandler’s story on Episode 2.2 here.
Submit anonymous questions for our Ask a Therapist series or share your story here.
Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach10.org
Love the content and want more? Donate to help us reach more people with compassion, courage, and connection at https://reach10.org/donate/
Disclaimer:
The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Listen to learn how boundaries can bring greater connection, peace, and belonging in your relationships. Rachel Denton, our expert therapist, answers this question submitted by a listener and gives real life examples for what someone can do when wanting to set boundaries that create safety and healing in their relationships.
Rachel grew up in Portland and came to Utah for school. She graduated from the University of Utah with her masters in social work. Rachel worked with different agencies that specialize in pornography and addiction issues, including Fight the New Drug, until she had her adorable baby girl and decided to focus on her private practice. She is also on the board for Reach 10, the non-profit that makes this podcast possible.
In this episode:
- What is a boundary?
- Establishing common core values and agreements in a relationship.
- Communicating boundaries with compassion and vulnerability.
- Self-reflection, respect, and accountability.
- The mark of a healthy relationship is healthy boundaries and mutual respect.
Show Notes:
Find Rachel Denton here.
Join the Relay App here.
Listen to Chandler’s story on Episode 2.2 here.
Submit anonymous questions for our Ask a Therapist series or share your story here.
Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach10.org
Love the content and want more? Donate to help us reach more people with compassion, courage, and connection at https://reach10.org/donate/
Disclaimer:
The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Do you feel isolated and alone in your struggle and hurt? Chandler shares his story about breaking free of the isolation that his struggle with pornography created and how he found the courage to break free. Then he shares all about Relay an app he created to help you connect daily with a support team that is in the trenches with you as you work towards your goals and on your recovery.
Chandler Rogers is the founder and CEO of Relay — a digital program to find healing from pornography alongside a group of peers with the same goal. After many years of feeling stuck and isolated, Chandler gained conviction for the importance of connection and having a strong support system. He and his wife Jade are both graduates of BYU and have been married 4 years.
Join Relay: bit.ly/breakingthesilence-chandler-relay
Email Chandler: chandler@joinrelay.app
Submit anonymous questions for our Ask a Therapist series or share your story here.
Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach10.org
Love the content and want more? Donate to help us reach more people with compassion, courage, and connection at https://reach10.org/donate/
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Breaking the Silence is back! Join Crishelle Simons as she gives an overview of new changes in Breaking the Silence and shares how this podcast is going to help you break free of the shame, silence, and fear that are keeping you stuck.
Follow us on Instagram @breakingthesilence_reach10 or visit our website reach10.org
Use this link to submit a question for our Ask a Therapist series or share your story https://forms.gle/71hhX2jiPKX8mRQD9
Love the podcast and want more? Donate to help us reach more people with compassion, courage, and connection at https://reach10.org/donate/
Join the conversation and change the culture with us by breaking the silence.
How can you join the cause of turning a weapon of destruction into a tool for transformation? This is our last episode of Breaking the Silence, but just the beginning for you to contribute to a new culture of courage, compassion, and connection. In this send-off from founder Vauna Davis, you’ll hear what she learned from young adults and what she hopes you will do to keep reaching out. Thank you so much for listening, we love you! We can’t wait to see what you will do.
In this episode:
- Young adults who were ambushed by pornography in the past are becoming champions for healthy sexuality today.
- Human connection is the greatest casualty of pornography - but it is also the greatest remedy.
- Where much is required, much is given.
Links:
- Reach 10 Resource Page
- Email us: hello@reach10.org
Listen along as the hosts, Creed and Crishelle, and our social media specialist, Bentlee, remember their favorite episodes of Breaking the Silence. They also share some of the lessons they learned while working on the podcast with Reach 10.
In this episode:
- We’re grateful for all those who have shared their stories with us over the years.
- Learn to talk about pornography so you can teach the next generation.
- There’s always opportunity for change and growth.
Show Notes:
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
While most tackle porn recovery with behavioral solutions, both scripture and science show that true recovery must address the underlying issues of the heart. Our guest, Sathiya Sam teaches that these can be reached through emotional fitness, recovery from wounds of the past, and learning to accept yourself. He has coached many people to recovery from pornography addiction using his methods rooted in faith. Listen in as Creed and Crishelle talk with Sathiya about his encouraging message.
In this episode:
- You only know how emotionally fit you are amidst trial.
- A mistake made once is a mistake. A mistake made twice is a choice.
- Take ownership for what you can control. God honors those acts.
Links:
- The Ultimate Recovery Guide
- The New Man Podcast
- Follow Sathiya Sam on Instagram
Show Notes:
Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
You're going to love this discussion of healthy sexuality and the harm of pornography with Carlie Palmer-Webb, the Christian Sex Educator. Listen in to learn about the pillars of healthy sexuality and how you can begin to practice them even before being in a sexual relationship. Creed and Crishelle also talk with Carlie about the effects of pornography on how we think about others and how that can affect relationships later on.
In this episode:
- Love, consideration, and consent are important pillars of healthy sexuality
- We can practice the pillars even when we are single
- Questions about sex we can ask someone we are seriously dating
- Lust is taking advantage of others for our own gratification
Link:
Carlie’s Instagram - The Christian Sex Educator @carliepalmerwebb
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Whether dealing with a desire to view pornography, or other urges like eating or scrolling social media, Sara Brewer offers a mindful approach to managing them. Sara is a certified life coach who works with people who want to quit pornography. She suggests that we stop, drop, and breathe, a process that allows us to become better at managing our feelings without acting out on them. We don’t have to be afraid of feeling strong urges when we know what to do with them.
In this episode:
- Learn to redirect your brain from what you want in the moment to what you want overall
- The goal is to get really good at feeling urges and discomfort and recognizing where they come from
- Breathe into the uncomfortable sensation and let yourself feel it to let it pass
Sara's links:
- Sara's website Sara Brewer Coaching
- Sara's podcast Overcome Pornography for Good
- Sara's Instagram @sarahbrewercoaching
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast
Because of the stigma behind women and their sexuality, talking about pornography issues can be even more difficult. We feel like we'll die if we tell anyone we have a problem with pornography. Mackenzie Preza has struggled and learned that when women open up about their experiences, it becomes easier to find help and dispel shame. She also wants women to embrace their sexuality and be more open about it!
In this episode:
- The more you share your experiences, the easier it gets.
- Sex is a gift from God that sometimes gets twisted in our culture to be “bad”
- Sharing our experiences helps others beat the shame surrounding pornography
Show notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
This time we're switching roles! You'll hear from Creed and Crishelle, our young adults hosts, talk about their own stories of breaking the silence around shame, pornography, family struggles, and other sensitive issues. They share how others can develop the courage and permission to speak up about their own questions, struggles, and concerns. We're sharing a podcast episode originally published by one of our favorite therapists, Geoff Steurer, on his insightful From Crisis to Connection Podcast (episode 84). You definitely want to follow his podcast too!
Links:
From Crisis to Connection Podcast
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
When someone with a religious background is working through recovery from pornography, they may also be working through the repentance process. Hayden and Savannah Paul have seen the power of repentance in their own lives and love to tell others about it! You’ll hear some new ways of thinking about repentance, becoming a better person, and the role of a bishop in the process.
In this episode:
- Repentance is the process of learning to become like Jesus Christ.
- Honesty is easier in a relationship of trust.
- Repentance is not punishment. It is the escape from punishment.
- Church leaders can be another source of help, along with other powerful resources for recovery.
Links:
I Stand At the Door Podcast
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
When we’re in the thick of recovery, it’s hard to see past the difficulties and imagine a bright future. It does get easier! Taylor Chambers says deciding what we want to do with our freedom is one way to find hope in the journey. We can start envisioning where we want to be so we have the motivation to keep working on recovery.
In this episode:
- There might be seasons where you go back to the basics or need a game plan to get through challenging times
- 3 ways people express life purpose: Personal growth, connection, and contribution
- How to know when you’re ready to move on to the next level
Links:
taylor.chambers.j@gmail.com
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Smith Alley became addicted to pornography even before he was a teenager. Then his world turned upside down one day and he chose to begin a journey to recovery from pornography. As he turned from porn and toward loving and serving others, he connected with other teens who needed help, too. He created the Live Life Bigger Foundation to share his message, and has already spoken to 100,000+ people. Learn how serving others, redefining what love and happiness mean, and creating a schedule can help you become the person you want to be.
In this episode:
- We’re our own biggest bully
- Habits and a schedule help fill the void
- Be proud of ourselves for the little things
Links:
- smithalley@livelifebigger.org
- www.livelifebigger.org
- Instagram: @live.life.bigger
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Being a student is hard, especially when feeling alienated because of a struggle with pornography. Or maybe feeling confused about how to help a friend entrenched in this problem. Emi Bass wanted to find a way to help, so she founded the Un-Alone Club at BYU. Students are invited to meet over Zoom, anonymously or not, to find insight, community and relief from issues like pornography use, betrayal trauma, supporting friends struggling, and more. You’ll be inspired by her story and how one person can start something that really matters.
In this episode:
- The opportunity to share stories anonymously allows members to find connection.
- Finding the right resource can change the recovery journey.
- Shame doesn’t have to rule your life. If you can let it go, you can connect.
Links:
- Follow the Un-Alone Club on Instagram
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
You’ve probably heard about betrayal trauma in marriage, but this time we’re talking about how it shows up in dating relationships and what to do about it. Therapist Kaylee Dunn wants people to know they aren’t alone, they aren’t crazy, it’s normal to be in distress, and there is a way through with therapy with a qualified professional, education, and group support.
In this episode:
- Flashbacks, difficult moods, avoidance, and hyper-vigilance are normal responses to broken trust in a close relationship.
- Whether someone stays in the relationship or not, they will need support to heal the attachment wounds.
- Why it’s important for partners to disclose their challenges with pornography even though it will cause pain.
- How someone can support a girlfriend/boyfriend who has experienced betrayal trauma in the past.
Links:
- IG: @kayleecdunn
- solaceemotionalhealth.org/awake
- kaylee@solaceemotional.com
- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdEYwhgdA8ODTWKKltdeLcg
- Awaken Facebook Group
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
If we’re wondering whether we need to go to a therapist, it’s probably the time to make the jump! Rachel Denton suggests that when you do decide to start searching for the right therapist for you, look for someone you can trust. Find someone who is familiar with what you are struggling with, whether it’s pornography or mental health. And then be ready to start sharing your story - it’s one of the most healing things you can do in therapy.
In this episode:
- Your first therapist doesn’t have to be your only therapist.
- The relationship of trust in a therapeutic relationship is very important.
- Successful change comes from being willing to share your story.
Links:
- Reach out to Rachel: rndenton718@gmail.com
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
How can you keep a close relationship with your partner? It’s as simple as A-E-I-O-U! Using a check-in based on the vowels, Rhyll and Steven Croshaw communicate every night about how they are doing in emotional, mental, and physical health and their progress in their recovery. They share how this has helped them align their goals and keep from drifting apart.
In this episode:
Check-ins are for the person speaking - don’t interrupt, save questions for later
Each person shares honestly what is going on in their life; it isn’t about one partner policing the other
Recognize what a spouse is like in addiction and in recovery
Check-ins can also help in a sponsor/sponsee relationship
Links:
Instagram: @salifelinefoundation
Facebook: SA Lifeline Foundation
salifeline.org
sal12step.org
Show Notes:
Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
A sponsor is someone who can share their own experience of recovery through the 12 Steps and can offer hope, encouragement, accountability, and feedback. If someone knows about good sponsor relationships, it’s Steven Croshaw. After struggling with a sex addiction for decades, he turned to a 12-step program to work towards recovery. Through this experience, he learned how to create a supportive situation with a sponsor or sponsee for a healthy relationship that works.
In this episode:
- Working through recovery is easier with someone who has success working through the steps.
- We need to learn how to surrender our will to God.
- God will recognize our desires if we are willing to move our feet.
Links:
- Instagram: @salifelinefoundation
- Facebook: SA Lifeline Foundation
- salifeline.org
- sal12step.org
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
It’s no secret. Shame often follows pornography even if you aren’t the user, especially in relationships. What are people thinking? Rhyll Crowshaw experienced this when her husband came to her with a sex addiction, and she had to decide how to move forward in their relationship. She discusses how to dispel the fear and shame that comes when worrying about others’ judgments, and work through betrayal trauma when a partner is struggling.
In this episode:
- Pornography addiction is traumatizing to a partner because it is a form of rejection.
- Work towards being trustworthy and trusting another person.
- There has to be a spiritual connection to find recovery.
- Healing looks like courage, confidence, faith, peace, and serenity.
Links:
- Instagram: @salifelinefoundation
- Facebook: SA Lifeline Foundation
- salifeline.org
- sal12step.org
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Talking about pornography and sex can be awkward, shameful, and even scary. In fact, many of us were taught that the best way to deal with it was to avoid the subject completely. So it’s not only users, but parents, spouses, and friends who hide from confronting the issue of pornography. Brigham Elton is a certified pornography and sexual addiction counselor. Listen as he shares the benefits of talking about sex and pornography with kids, friends, and your spouse. Let’s come out of hiding and face it together.
In this episode:
- Hiding is motivated by fear of many kinds.
- We hide how we really feel if we’re discouraged, sad, or hurt about it and why.
- Ask someone you are seriously dating about their values surrounding sex and their history regarding pornography.
- If we change our view of sex, pornography becomes less appealing.
Links:
- Brigham Elton’s website: True-connections.org
- Instagram: @tc.rebootandrise
- @trueconnectionslds
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Kids hire pornography for a variety of jobs to help them grow up, and the surprising thing is it makes sense. Creed and Crishelle talk with Kristen Jenson, author of Good Pictures Bad Pictures and founder of Protect Young minds, about this unusual way of understanding kids. She did a study with 10 young people who had a history of porn use. They found 4 categories of jobs that kids hired porn to do:
- Knowledge about sex
- Escaping from stressful emotions
- Normalizing sexual abuse
- Rebelling in a safe way
In this episode:
- Kids need to learn how to be adults and they’re trying to make progress and grow up.
- Talk with kids earlier than you think and teach them to manage their emotions.
Links:
- Website/Books: www.protectyoungminds.org/books
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ProtectYM/
- Instagram: @protectyoungminds
- Twitter: @protectYM
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
It’s easy to get sucked into your phone, tv shows, or video games and forget who you are and what you really want out of life. Jason and Lisa Frost, young authors of a new book, talk with Creed and Crishelle about being intentional with media and living from your values. We should be angry instead of ashamed about screen culture and the big tech companies setting traps to steal our attention. They suggest that taking a break away from screens is worth it for the healthy benefits.
In this episode:
- Pornography is one of the ways tech tries to capture time and attention for big money
- Find time to have a digital break and reset
- Take time to think about your values
Links:
- The Glass Between Us, Empowering Youth to Combat Digital Exploitation, A Value-Based Guide for Screen-Driven Challenges
- Jason@wiredhuman.org
- Lisa@wiredhuman.org
- Website: Wiredhuman.org
- Facebook: @wearewiredhuman
- Instagram: @wearewiredhuman
- Twitter: @wearewiredhuman
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a fascinating and effective therapy treatment that shifts stored memories and helps people not be so triggered by past trauma. It relieves emotional distress and calms the physical response to past memories. Our guest, Amanda Christenson is a therapist trained in EMDR. Listen in as Creed and Crishelle learn from her about how this form of therapy can relieve shame reactions and help individuals and couples overcome pornography.
In this episode:
- Being stuck in a compulsive behavior like pornography can cause trauma
- EMDR can help couples no matter where they are at in recovery
- This therapy can help with self-compassion
Links:
- Amanda’s Instagram - @amandachristensonmft
- Hope Therapy website
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
We all want to have connection in our marriage, especially when we struggle. Zach and Darcy Spafford discuss how to pause and step back to connect when pornography comes in between them. They also share the importance of compassion and grace towards themselves and each other in the process.
In this episode:
- Each person can work for compassion for what the other is feeling.
- Ask about emotions rather than defending your behavior.
- Intimacy grows when problems are tackled together.
- Recovery requires actual skills.
- The unending compassion of Christ.
Links:
- Zach Spafford, Self Mastery Coach website
- email: info@zachspafford.com
- Instagram @zachspafford.selfmasterycoach
- The Self Mastery Podcast
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Watching a spouse work through recovery can be tough. Darcy Spafford experienced this when her husband, Zach, struggled with pornography. She shares how she separated herself from his actions and learned to have compassion for him and for herself. It helped to question the thoughts that popped up and decide if they’re really true.
In this episode:
- Realizing how we’re the same; we may sin differently but we all struggle with something
- Support your spouse by allowing them to express their emotions
- Trying to control your spouse isn’t the answer
Links:
- Zach Spafford, Self Mastery Coach website
- email: info@zachspafford.com
- Instagram @zachspafford.selfmasterycoach
- The Self Mastery Podcast
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
When struggling with something as difficult as pornography, it can be easy to feel like you no longer have a choice in your actions. But coach Zachary Spafford says taking responsibility for your decisions can lead to a whole new perspective that helps in recovery. Creed and Crishelle talk with Zach about his own journey to recovery and how changing your thoughts makes the road easier.
In this episode:
- We have to have the capacity to choose.
- Own your agency.
- Agency is how we bring ourselves in alignment with God’s will.
- When we say we can’t do something, we abdicate our agency.
Links:
Zach Spafford, Self Mastery Coach website
email: info@zachspafford.com
Instagram @zachspafford.selfmasterycoach
The Self Mastery Podcast
Jody Moore Better Than Happy Podcast
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Many young adults didn’t grow up with sexuality as a frequent topic in their homes. Join Creed and Crishelle as they chat with Lucy Ferguson about their lack of sex education as youth and how to learn more about healthy sexuality as you prepare for marriage. "Ignorance is bliss" does NOT apply to sex education. Bliss in healthy sexuality comes from being educated. It’s never too late to learn more!
In this episode:
- Advocate for better sex education.
- Take charge of your sexual health. Your experience depends on your preparation.
- God wants us to enjoy sexuality in marriage.
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Pornography involves a lot of inward thinking and selfishness. One way to get out of that is to serve others and focus on creating rather than consuming. Finding something positive to do besides watching pornography is one way Weston Smith and Spencer Buswell have worked towards recovery. They believe that doing something bigger than yourself, something meaningful and creative, can distract from temptation and connect you to a bigger purpose in life.
In this episode:
- Be relentless and dauntless.
- Pour your soul into a worthy cause.
- Work to be excellent rather than going back to normal.
- What will the highlight reel of your life be like?
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
A struggle with pornography is difficult enough, and facing it alone isn’t helpful. It takes extreme vulnerability to open up with the truth about your life, but it's so worth it when you find a community to support you. Spencer and Weston talk about the value of friendship, fighting the battle together, and how to find your people. Connect with someone that is going through the same thing so that you can push each other to new heights.
In this episode
- Weston and Spencer’s friendship is a two-way street.
- Find someone who loves you no matter what - and lets you make your own choices.
- To find a community, you need to seek for it.
- When you realize you’re not alone, pornography’s grip is cut in half.
- Sometimes recovery is a group effort.
Links
The Eternal Warrior Podcast
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
We flipped roles and put Creed and Crishelle in the guest seats! Hear what they think is the best part of doing the podcast - and what's the hardest part. What do they want every young adult to know? Join us and learn more about our awesome podcasts hosts and why they are willing to talk about topics that no one wants to bring up.
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Hear the rest of the story! This is part 2 of Stephen and Bentlee Edgington’s interview in episode 54. Bentlee shares how she had the courage to ask the question about pornography and what she was afraid of. Stephen shares that both partners can feel like victims when this challenging issue comes up, but it works better to have compassion for how hard it is for both people to talk about it.
In this episode:
- The importance of honesty when talking about pornography.
- How will pornography affect our future relationship?
- Worrying about what other people might think.
Show notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
After a couple has their first discussion about pornography - now what? In Part 1 of this conversation, Creed and Crishelle hear Stephen and Bentlee’s story about first talking this issue in their relationship, and how they learned to talk more openly about it in spite of their fears.
In this episode:
- It takes courage on both sides to talk honestly about this.
- What Stephen learned from other relationships.
- Keep in mind what your end goal for the relationship is.
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Slip-ups happen when someone views pornography even though they are trying to quit. That comes with a lot of different emotions, from shame to discouragement. Geoff Steurer, a marriage and family therapist, talks with Creed and Crishelle on how people can learn from relapse and use it to become stronger. Relapse is a part of recovery, and even part of everyone’s life.
In this episode:
- Talk about shame so that you can learn from relapses.
- Ease up on the judgement on yourself.
- Stand up to the bully in your head.
- Talk with someone you trust who can help you see the facts.
- Be compassionate about the pain your partner is going through.
- Have a support system outside of your partner.
Geoff’s Links:
- Website
- Illuminate Podcast
- Instagram @geoffsteurer
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
As a certified sex coach, Amanda Louder teaches clients all day about how to have better sexual health, and as a mom she has experience teaching her children about topics surrounding sex. Creed and Crishelle talk with her about how to start important conversations about sex with your partner, children, or other loved ones. They also discuss steps both married and single adults can take to prepare for and improve sexual relationships.
In this episode:
- Intimacy is about knowing your partner and opening up completely.
- Our bodies are inherently good. There is nothing about our bodies that is shameful.
- The six principles of sexual health
- Sexual agreements to make ahead of marriage
- Take care of yourself first and make sure you are in integrity with yourself.
- Be open with your partner about what is working or not working for you.
- Sex is a lot more than intercourse.
Amanda’s Links:
- Podcast: Live From Love
- Website: AmandaLouder.com
- Get the Sexual Health and Agreements worksheet
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Being in a relationship with someone who is struggling with pornography is not easy. That’s why when Bree Swaner found herself in that situation, she worked to create a support system for herself so that she could support her husband. This week, Creed and Crishelle talk with Bree about how working through your feelings is the first step to being able to be at peace with your partner’s struggles, and how you can start having the tough conversations in your home.
In this episode:
- Don’t be afraid to ask your partner the hard questions about their struggle so you can fully understand the situation.
- Take time for yourself so you can work through the emotions.
- Don’t take responsibility for your partner’s actions.
- Look for support groups with members who are going through similar struggles with betrayal trauma.
Links:
- Bree's Facebook Group - Wives of Porn Addicts, A Support Group for the Supportive
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
The stigma that comes with a struggle with pornography often prevents people from sharing their story. The problem is, this often leads to someone feeling alone in their situation. Creed and Crishelle chat with Stephen Edgington about how sharing his story taught him how important connection is, whether you struggle with pornography or know someone who is struggling.
In this episode:
- Practice opening up to people you trust to learn how to share your story.
- If someone doesn’t react well, you don’t have to continue to share with them.
- Set boundaries with the use of technology.
- Self-doubt prevents you from sharing your story.
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Seeking therapy can be kind of scary! Worry about the cost, concern about what others may think, or being afraid to talk about our personal problems could keep someone from reaching out for professional help. Cassandra Hulse joins Creed and Crishelle to discuss the ins and outs of therapy for beginners. Hear about how therapy can help someone find the healing they’re searching for.
In this episode:
- Keep trying until you find the right therapist for you.
- Online therapy can be a great resource to those with limited time or during the pandemic.
- You are worthy of taking care of yourself through therapy.
- Normalize therapy as a gym for the mind.
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Finding the right program is essential when recovering from pornography use. Knowing what is available can help you suggest resources to help friends and family. Josh Otani has been working with the Men of Moroni and seen a huge, positive difference in his progress. This week, Creed and Crishelle talk with Josh about how this program has helped him establish safeguards, routines, and connection to help him along in his recovery. Learn what this resource has to offer.
In this episode:
- Honesty is an important principle for recovery.
- Find a routine to substitute the desire to view pornography with something healthier.
- Accountability with a trusted friend can help relinquish the relapses in recovery.
- Each routine should be personalized to accommodate one’s triggers.
Links:
Email Josh: joshuaotani@gmail.com
- Josh's blog
- The Eternal Warrior Podcast
- He Restoreth My Soul book
- Life Changing Services - Men of Moroni Program
- LDS Addiction Recovery meetings
- Flagpole ideas
Show Notes:
Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
When you’re in a relationship with someone struggling with pornography, you may feel disconnected and hurt. This week, Creed and Crishelle talk with Lauren Hunter about how important it is to seek help when experiencing betrayal trauma, and how shame can get in the way of honest, open communication. They also discuss how pornography creates effects that damage relationships and how we can talk about those effects without creating more shame and fear.
In this episode:
- The effects of pornography on relationships.
- Getting help when you feel something is wrong in a relationship.
- Find a 12 step program for betrayal trauma.
Links:
- Chainbreaker Foundation
- Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourselfby Melody Beattie
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Online resources for those struggling with pornography have some benefits, such as anonymity and being available to help at any time. This week, Crishelle and Creed talk with Clay Olsen (co-founder of Fight the New Drug) about Fortify, an app that helps people stay on track in their recovery.
In this episode:
- Fortify is not meant to replace therapy or 12 step programs, but enhance the experience.
- The recently-released redesign makes it easy to find support online.
- The program meets someone where they are in recovery.
- Small, incremental changes can have a profound impact on your ability to overcome the next challenge.
- Working towards healing is so unbelievably worth it.
Links:
Fortify app
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
For each person struggling with pornography, the journey is individual and difficult in its own way. So how does someone know when to call themself an “addict”? Creed and Crishelle talk with Cassandra Hulse about how she came to realize that labeling yourself an addict is very personal and really depends on how it can help you in recovery. Hear her breakthrough story when she realized that the goal of recovery is to live a healthy life, not to attend a recovery program forever.
In this episode:
- Labels are important and very personal. Everyone gets to choose what works for them.
- Addiction is not a permanent condition.
- Principles of recovery are lifelong habits, but not everyone will need to continue all the programs or meetings for the rest of their life.
- Be compassionate about where people are on their journey right now.
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Media definitely has the potential to shape our understanding of sexuality - what we should think and how we should act. For people who have a long-term vision that involves a more holistic approach of the relational, emotional, and spiritual aspects of sexuality, then you start to see where the message portrayed in pornography doesn't line up with those goals. Listen as Creed and Crishelle talk with Nathan Leonhardt, a PhD student at the University of Toronto, about sexual scripts, research on pornography, and 3 fundamental systems for building relationships.
In this episode:
- We have many sources of info about sex that influence us in addition to media.
- Pornography teaches sexual scripts (expectations) that are more aligned with short-term sexuality than long-term sexuality.
- Research often reports on an incomplete view of romantic relationships.
- Our goals and ideals about relationships and sexuality organize the way we see the world.
- Religious people may report negative effects from viewing pornography because they see the gap between their ideal values and what pornography portrays.
Show notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Thoughts often seem to pop up all on their own, which can feel discouraging when one is trying to overcome pornography. Mindfulness can help change that. In this episode, Creed and Crishelle talk again with Ty Mansfield about how to begin practicing mindfulness and using those new skills to think and act more intentionally.
In this episode:
- Being fully present with less judgement and more compassion takes practice.
- Start practicing mindfulness through guided meditations and reading more about it.
- Mindfulness increases our power to act more intentionally.
- We can learn to bring our thoughts back to what we want to focus on.
Links:
- Stillness: Mindful Living for Latter-day Saints by Jacob Hess, Ty Mansfield, and others
- Mindfulness for Beginners: Reclaiming the Present Moment and Your Life
- Insight Timer App free guided meditations
- Jack Kornfield Meditations
- Tara Brach
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
With all the distractions there are in the world, learning to sit still and observe our own emotions and bodies can be quite difficult. In this episode, Creed and Crishelle talk with therapist Ty Mansfield about how practicing mindfulness can improve our lives, whether we are overcoming pornography, understanding healthy sexuality, or just learning how to handle our emotions.
In this episode:
- Mindfulness increases the power to act and be in the moment.
- Sitting with emotions provides the ability to work through shame.
- Understanding about ourselves as physical, sexual, and spiritual beings can come through mindfulness.
Links:
Stillness: Mindful Living for Latter-day Saints by Jacob Hess, Ty Mansfield, and others
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Dating while struggling with pornography sometimes feels like a complete no go. But Brandon Fielding is a young therapist who shares how to know if you should go for it! Creed and Crishelle talk with him about how to get prepared to date if you aren’t quite there yet and how to approach the topic when you’re in a relationship.
In this episode:
- Everyone has their baggage. You can’t wait to date until you are perfect.
- Choose to talk about what you struggle with when you feel comfortable with your emotional intimacy level.
- Shame tells us we are alone. By opening up, you can realize those lies aren’t true.
Links:
- Brandon's website
- Email: Brandon.Fielding17@gmail.com
Show notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Becoming more aware of both the physical and emotional aspects of your body is an important part of healthy sexuality. Creed and Crishelle talk with Ellyse Winward to learn how she continues to build self confidence through mindfulness and understanding healthy sexuality.
In this episode:
- You can learn about healthy sexuality even if you’re single.
- Becoming more mindful of your feelings and body brings self love and prepares you to be in a committed relationship.
- Learning about this subject makes it easier for you to follow your values.
- You are a sexual being and have been since birth.
Links:
- Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriagesby Dean M. Busby PhD, Jason S. Carroll PhD, Chelom Leavitt
- Purity and Passion by Wendy L. Watson
Show notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
When searching for a solution to overcome pornography, try looking at the big picture and expect the process to take time. Creed and Crishelle explore this idea with Dr. Adam Moore as they discuss how to approach recovery from two perspectives: that using pornography causes problems in peoples’ lives and relationships, and is also a symptom of an underlying issue. Coming from both angles can offer the boost for lasting change.
Dr. Adam M. Moore is a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-owner of Sela Health, which operates mental health counseling offices in Utah and Nevada.
In this episode:
- Recovery is complicated and there is not a one-size-fits-all solution.
- Anything that matters is worth putting effort into.
- Oversimplifying addiction recovery is detrimental to those experiencing it.
- Getting feedback from a therapist or family member can give you better insight on your progress.
- The amazing space shuttle analogy for getting velocity in early recovery
Dr. Moore's Links:
- Pocket Therapist podcast -- a mental health and relationship podcast -- www.yourpockettherapist.com
- My free content about recovery from compulsive pornography use -- www.adammmoore.com/media
- The counseling practice I manage - Utah Valley Counseling -- www.utahvalleycounseling.com
- The counseling practice I manage in Nevada - Las Vegas Counseling -- www.lasvegascounseling.com
- My Recovery Portal - my online education portal for free and paid content for pornography addiction recovery -- www.myrecoveryportal.com
- Pornography addiction recovery workbook - http://www.myrecoveryportal.com/product/the-recovery-workbook-for-sexual-addiction-compulsive-sexual-behaviors/
Show notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Combating your inner critic while overcoming pornography can be tough. That’s why Creed and Crishelle talked with Anthony Ennis this week on learning to love yourself so you can feel empowered to make the changes that lead to recovery.
While studying neuroscience at BYU, Anthony worked with Dr. Scott Steffensen researching addiction and mental health problems. He is currently in the process of getting into medical school. The topic of pornography use hits close to home for him and he is looking forward to sharing a principle that has made all the difference for him.
In this episode:
- Self compassion is learning to treat yourself like your own best friend.
- Be emotionally there for yourself so you can see emotional holes you might be trying to fill with pornography.
- Learn to address the emotions you are feeling so you can make good decisions and move forward in recovery.
- Overcoming is not easy; it takes a lot of mental work and practice.
Links:
- The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff at TEDxCentennialParkWomen
- Self Compassion Test by Kristin Neff
- Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of RAIN by Tara Brach
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
No one is perfect. Not even our parents. And that is a great thing to remember when you evaluate the sex education your parents passed onto you. This week, Creed and Crishelle talk with Vauna Davis about how you can take your experience learning (or not) about sex from your parents and move beyond any embarassment or shame you may have inherited.
In this episode:
- There is no “one size fits all” for sex education.
- Conversations about pornography and sex are awkward for your parents, too.
- Your parents did the best they could, and they care for you.
- Forgiving your parents frees you to let go of the past and create the open, loving relationships you want.
- Sex education empowers and arms children to deal with pornography in a digital age.
Show Notes:
Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages by Dean M. Busby PhD, Jason S. Carroll PhD, Chelom Leavitt
From Honeymoon to Happily Ever After: 23 Keys to Prepare for a Sextraordinary Marriage (Softcover) by Laura M. Brotherson – Get the book for $10 with this discount code: honeymoonprep
A Better Way to Teach Kids About Sex by Laura Padilla-Walker, Dean Busby, and Chelom Leavitt
Life After Lust: Stories & Strategies for Sex & Pornography Addiction Recovery by Forest Benedict
The Waterfall Concept A Blueprint for Addiction Recovery by Roger Stark
Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Following through on commitments and holding yourself accountable to your partner is an important part of a trusting marriage. This week, Creed and Crishelle continue their conversation with Zachary and Rachel Andrews as they discuss how they make and follow boundaries involving pornography and other topics in their relationship.
In this episode:
- Practicing good habits in all areas of your life can make for a happier marriage and aid in overcoming pornography.
- Establish accountability by creating a plan with your significant other to help make good decisions.
- Trust is a two-way commitment in a relationship.
Show notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Trust is essential in a relationship, whether you are first getting to know each other or have committed to be together forever. Creed and Crishelle talk with Zachary and Rachel Andrews about how they continue to work to create an understanding and trusting marriage even through issues with pornography.
In this episode:
- The Andrews talk about their experience working through pornography issues at the beginning of their relationship.
- It’s ok to take time to think about your feelings before you try to resolve a problem.
- Trust in a relationship comes with the ability to be vulnerable about your mistakes and weaknesses.
- Struggling with pornography doesn’t make you a bad person.
- Prayer can bring peace when you are trying to discuss the challenges of pornography with someone you care about.
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Have you wondered how to approach the subject of pornography at the beginning of a romantic relationship? In part 2 of this conversation, Creed and Crischelle talk with Karen Broadhead about how to know when a person is ready to date when recovering from pornography, and how to relate and heal with them.
In this episode:
- Someone in recovery is able to be vulnerable in a relationship about their pornography use.
- Dating someone who is overcoming pornography requires willingness to understand and not judge.
- Focusing on things you have no control over makes happiness more difficult.
- Questions you can ask to help open up a conversation about where someone is in recovery.
Show notes:
- Like Dragons Did They Fight by Maurice W. Harker
- Armed with Righteousness: Winning Your Battles with Satan by Steven Cramer
- Mothers Who Know website
- Life Changing Services
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Whether you’re the one supporting someone recovering from a pornography addiction, or you’re receiving support in your own healing, there’s a lot to learn about relationships. Karen Broadhead, the founder of Mothers Who Know, discovered some important lessons as she supported her son in his recovery. Creed and Crishelle talked with her about what she learned as she and her son were searching for answers. Listen in to some great ideas that can help anyone navigate the challenges of relationships and overcoming pornography.
In this episode:
- Karen’s story with her son
- Fear is never helpful when supporting someone caught in pornography.
- You are not your own worst enemy - understanding your identity puts addiction in perspective.
- Only you have the power to choose how to change. Maintaining accountability and responsibility for your actions causes you to be mindful of your situation and make good decisions.
- How to know if someone is making good progress in recovery.
- Three kinds of business in this world: my business, your business, and God's business.
Show notes:
- Like Dragons Did They Fight by Maurice W. Harker
- Armed with Righteousness: Winning Your Battles with Satan by Steven Cramer
- Mothers Who Know website
- Life Changing Services
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
Shame, fear, and pornography addiction all create patterns of thought and behavior to meet subconscious needs. But those patterns can get in the way of the life we want. LaMonte Wilcox is a neuro mental health coach who has studied about our brains and how we can interrupt and change those patterns. Creed and Crishelle talk with him about understanding that process better.
In this episode:
- Our brains run on a reward system, and it seeks to meet our needs.
- 95% of our decisions are made subconsciously, and 70% of those decisions don’t lead to things we truly want.
- Thinking thoughts about shame over and over builds a pattern in our brains, similar to the way an addiction looks.
Show Notes:
- Email LaMonte: FLY@LaMonteWilcox.com
- LaMonte's website: www.lamontewilcox.com
- LaMonte's YouTube Channel: My YouTube Channel
- LaMonte's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Fulfill.Life.Yourself
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.
What happens when you’re doing everything you know how to do to recover from using pornography, but you keep struggling and relapsing? For Maxwell Hill, feeling like he was drowning was the pathway to knowing that only Jesus Christ had the power to help him. Creed and Crishelle talked with him about how that lead to a deeper relationship with God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost.
In this episode
- Maxwell’s experience with pornography as a young teenager and how his bishop and family responded.
- The biggest impact pornography has had is making him feel unworthy and broken.
- When the focus is on punishing behavior, there’s no real repentance.
- The concept of cognitive behavioral therapy – changing beliefs and thoughts that drive behavior.
- Pornography was an awakening to his weaknesses that helped him realize he needs a Savior.
- His daily belief that God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are united in power and purpose to bring to pass my immortality and eternal life.
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
Sexuality is talked about too much without the respect it deserves and not enough with the respect it deserves. When Marissah Hannig learned for herself what this meant, her desire to consume pornography began to disperse. She decided that she didn’t want to be someone who consumed pornography. Even when she felt that pull to view it, she would I think to herself “That is not who I want to be.” That same thought has helped her make other hard decisions. Listen in as Creed and Crishelle talk about what respect means to her.
Show Notes:
- Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
- Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
- Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
- Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.
For single members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and other religions, there can be some confusion about how to save sex for marriage and live your religious beliefs while also experiencing the sexual feelings that God gave you. Dr. Dean Busby, a professor at Brigham Young University, shares thoughts on navigating this challenge. You can hold boundaries without punishing yourself for being a sexual being. You can have a healthy sexual vision, accept that part of yourself, and still abstain before marriage. Seeing sexuality as a sacred part of yourself honors both spirituality and sexuality.
Show Notes: Read Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages by Dean M. Busby PhD, Jason S. Carroll PhD, Chelom Leavitt. Find a 12-step recovery support group. Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get podcast transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Living in recovery sounds nice, but what does it really mean? Our guest is a young husband and father who spent years entrenched in pornography and harmful sexual behavior until the day his wife discovered what was going on. That’s the day he calls the best day of his life. It was the first time he was ready to be fully honest. And even though it was traumatic for both he and his wife, it propelled them forward. He shares what his daily life is like now in order to live in freedom and honesty. Hear why marriage doesn’t solve a pornography problem, what single people need in order to be committed to recovery, and the importance of determining WHY you want to live free from pornography. “There’s so much potential to improve, change, stop, create a healthy life.”
Show notes: Read The Porn Myth by Matt Fradd. Find a 12-step support group. Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get podcast transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Let's talk about relearning healthy sexuality after being exposed to harmful media, and overcoming the taboo on talking about sex! We continue the conversation with Laura Brotherson, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and Certified Sex Therapist (CST). You’ll love part 2 of her conversation with Creed and Crishelle about her insightful list of 20 characteristics of healthy and unhealthy sexuality.
Show notes: Download the Raising the Bar on Intimate Relationships - 20 Characteristics of Healthy and Unhealthy Sexuality PDF. Check out the book From Honeymoon to Happily Ever After: 23 Keys to Prepare for a Sextraordinary Marriage (Softcover) by Laura M. Brotherson – Get the book for $10 with this discount code: honeymoonprep. Learn more from Laura Brotherson here: StrengtheningMarriage.comand MaritalIntimacyInstitute.com.
Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get podcast transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagramfor more!
“Sex is God's wedding gift to a husband and wife.” That’s what Laura Brotherson believes! She’s a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and Certified Sex Therapist (CST). One of the best things any young adult can do to be ready to enjoy that divine gift is to see clearly the differences between sexual health and the unhealthy, distorted expectations and behavior that come from current media and culture. Don’t miss this first part of her conversation with Creed and Crishelle about her insightful list of 20 characteristics of healthy and unhealthy sexuality.
Show notes: Download the Raising the Bar on Intimate Relationships - 20 Characteristics of Healthy and Unhealthy Sexuality PDF. Check out the book From Honeymoon to Happily Ever After: 23 Keys to Prepare for a Sextraordinary Marriage (Softcover) by Laura M. Brotherson – Get the book for $10 with this discount code: honeymoonprep. Learn more from Laura Brotherson here: StrengtheningMarriage.com and MaritalIntimacyInstitute.com.
Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get podcast transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Our guest today is a young woman who has experienced two very different marriages - both times with young men who had some involvement with pornography. Hear how she realized she was in an abusive marriage and made the heart-breaking decision to leave. In time, she chose to marry again, even though her new husband had also struggled with pornography. Her new relationship and marriage has been wonderful. What made the difference? What are some signs of abusive or healthy relationships? Ultimately, healthy relationships have partners who believe in their own worth and the worth of their partner.
Show Notes: Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get podcast transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
We're all recovering from something on some level. Recovery is all about healing, growth, and change. It might be from a broken arm, a procrastination habit, or a pornography problem. Creed and Crishelle talk with Alex Theobald, a young therapist and PhD student at Texas Tech about using recovery principles to help us create the change we want. Alex encourages us to identify what we want in our life, what it looks like, and what actions will help us get there. Following recovery principles creates trust in ourselves and restores trust with others in our life. Learn from Alex as he shares examples from his own life. Building a plan based on principles rather than a checklist of things that might not connect with the right outcomes can help us create the life we want to live.
Did you enjoy this? Listen to our first interview with Alex, 3 Steps for Better Shame Resilience with Alex Theobald [23]
Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Everyone can relate to that terrible feeling of wanting to shut down, disengage from people, and avoid situations because we messed up. Creed and Crishelle talk with Alex Theobald, a young therapist and PhD student at Texas Tech about being more resilient when we feel shame. He encourages us to be aware of when we feel shame. What are you learning about yourself? His top 3 steps to get past shame are to learn how to accept that you are experiencing shame. Then learn how to communicate that safely to someone you trust. Finally, take action towards living consistent with your values. Alex shares some of his own experiences with shame and encourages us to turn those really human and imperfect moments into something that can be productive.
Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Most of us grew up feeling awkward about saying the names of sexual body parts and how bodies respond sexually. Creed and Crishelle talk again with Harper Defreitas, a young woman who learned a lot while working for a leading sex therapist for LDS couples, Laura Brotherson. It's really important to be comfortable with these terms and know your body because you’re a sexual being - you’re in charge of your sexuality and your sexual experience. She says we need to get educated to know these different parts, say the words aloud, and practice by talking with trusted sources. It’s so important to know that men and women have different sexual response cycles. It can help single people understand themselves and their partner in order to make better decisions about physical affection. And it helps married couples have a better sexual experience. These are skills that will bless you in your relationships now and later.
Did you enjoy this? Listen to our first interview with Harper Should Young Adults Learn About Sexuality While They’re Waiting for Marriage? With Harper Defreitas [21]
Show Notes: From Honeymoon to Happily Ever After: 23 Keys to Prepare for a Sextraordinary Marriage (Softcover) by Laura M. Brotherson – Get the book for $10 with this discount code: honeymoonprep
Another great book is Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages by Dean M. Busby PhD, Jason S. Carroll PhD, Chelom Leavitt.
Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Some people wonder if it’s appropriate to get educated or talk about sexuality with single young adults who plan to save sexual relationships for marriage. Creed and Crishelle talk with Harper Defreitas about the benefits of learning about sexuality now. Harper is a young woman who learned a lot while working for a leading sex therapist for LDS couples, Laura Brotherson. She says education can lead to better decisions in dating, stronger self-mastery, and a healthy sexual mindset. It helps us develop as complete beings with emotional, spiritual, and physical wholeness. If we don’t talk about it in positive way, we’re going to be taught distorted views through media and culture. Harper shares some open, positive, and safe sources to learn from for young people who share values of sexual integrity as taught in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Show Notes: From Honeymoon to Happily Ever After: 23 Keys to Prepare for a Sextraordinary Marriage (Softcover) by Laura M. Brotherson – Get the book for $10 with this discount code: honeymoonprep
Check out Laura Brotherson’s website. Another great book is Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages by Dean M. Busby PhD, Jason S. Carroll PhD, Chelom Leavitt.
Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Once you get started, how do you keep talking? Creed and Crishelle share some important principles for successful experiences. These conversations work best when it’s a two-sided discussion instead of a one-sided interrogation. You don’t have to make judgments immediately - work to be curious and learn about the other person. You can have dual emotions going on – compassion and fear, for example. Share your real emotions in an honest way, and be prepared to listen and accept how your partner is feeling as well. It’s an opportunity to start a pattern of open conversations on this and other deep subjects. Please be aware that conversations about pornography within marriages can be very different because of the commitment – we’ll talk about that in future episodes.
This is part 3 in a series. If you liked this, you can also listen to Part 1 Why Talk About Pornography with Someone You’re Dating? [18] and Part 2 When is the Right Time to Talk to Someone You’re Dating About Pornography? [19].
Show Notes: Get our Free Guide: How to Talk About Pornography When You’re Dating. Read the Ensign Magazine articles on Dating and Pornography (see list in sidebar under Young Adults).
Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
No need to worry about when to start talking about the issue of pornography – Creed and Crishelle share thoughts about how to know when it’s a good time depending on the phase of the relationship. And whenever that time is, it helps to give someone time to prepare for the conversation instead of just jumping in without warning.
Show Notes: Get our Free Guide: How to Talk About Pornography When You’re Dating. Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Creed and Crishelle share 3 reasons why it’s important to talk about pornography with your romantic partner. It starts a pattern of open and honest communication in your relationship, you find out if your values are compatible, and you come to understand your significant other’s experiences and emotional context. Why does someone have the emotions they have? Some people have a ton of shame surrounding their pornography use. And on the other side, those who have been affected by friends or family who have struggled with pornography might have trauma of their own. Recognizing and being respectful of people's emotions is so important. Every time you talk it gets easier!
Show Notes: Get our Free Guide: How to Talk About Pornography When You’re Dating. Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Weston shares how powerful it has been to confide in people about his problem with pornography. Starting with his mom, a good friend, a recovery group, and now with guests and listeners on his podcast. “What I've learned from having a community is that recovery is so much fun and it's so invigorating!” You’ll love this great conversation with Creed and Crishelle ranging from building community, to seeing true recovery as becoming excellent, to tips for staying strong during the COVID-19 quarantine.
Show Notes: Listen to Weston’s podcast, The Eternal Warrior Podcast. Submit your anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Alma and Karen Thurber return (together this time!) to share what they’ve learned about supporting each other's healing from the impact of pornography. Creed and Crishelle talk with them about how they carve out time for communication, how they make time for each other to do the things that help them keep progressing, and how inspiring it is to see your partner keep growing. They have a tradition of a weekly inventory, including praise and appreciation for the good things they’ve noticed about each other that week. Pornography is so isolating and makes people want to close in and not open up and be intimate, but at the same time, intimacy is the cure in a lot of ways and helps people break out of their shell. Don’t miss this great conversation with ideas that can help every relationship grow.
Show Notes: Creed mentioned the book he is reading, The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You. Alma and Karen talked about ARP Addiction Recovery Meetings - find a meeting here. Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Creed and Crishelle talk with Jason McDonald, a 22-year-old student and former Reach 10 intern. Jason had a brief habit of using pornography when he was 13, and then decided it was making him feel terrible so he quit. However, pornography had distorted his beliefs about sexuality at that formative age. It influenced his thoughts and behavior with girls in his teen years. In time he talked with a friend in high school who was experiencing the same struggle. He found that connection can help ease the tension and isolation that feed outbursts. Jason has learned to tell himself it's not a shameful thing that he struggled years ago with pornography. Nearly every young person has some kind of history it. Today he wants to see more open conversation about the issue, and stop the shame and silence that keep people from talking and helping each other.
Show Notes: Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Creed and Crishelle continue talking with Dr. Dean Busby, a professor at Brigham Young University in part 2 of this interview. He helps young adults understand some healthy approaches to sexuality, and what can get in their way. Research has shown there are 3 passion styles – either inhibited, harmonious, or obsessive. A harmonious style is balanced and in line with a person’s values. Also, some people adopt a sexual destiny mindset about their relationships – that if people are meant to be together, they will always have a strong passionate experience. Then if the energy changes, they think they are falling out of love. A growth mindset serves relationships better, when couples decide they will make sexuality something that they want to put effort into and keep growing.
Show Notes: Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Resources mentioned in the podcast: Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages by Dean M. Busby PhD, Jason S. Carroll PhD, Chelom Leavitt
If the sex education you got consisted of 2 things: 1. Don’t do pornography, and 2. Don’t be sexual before marriage, then this episode is for you. Creed and Crishelle talk with Dr. Dean Busby, a professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University, about getting past the DON’Ts of sexuality. He teaches that sexuality is the thing that uniquely defines marriage, and young couples shouldn’t have to figure it all out on their own. Education about what's normal, what bodies are like, and how men and women are different can help build healthy marriages. This is part 1 – watch for more of this conversation coming soon!
Show Notes: Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. We recommend the book Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages by Dean M. Busby PhD, Jason S. Carroll PhD, Chelom Leavitt. Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Get in touch with us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Creed and Crishelle talk with Karen Thurber, a young wife, mom, and entrepreneur with her own flower business. She is learning to support her husband, Alma (see episode 11) in his recovery from pornography use, and continually working on her own healing as well. Karen shares 3 important tools that have helped her. First is self-care, second is communication in their marriage, and third is reaching out for support. You’ll hear about the power of boundaries, honesty, 12-step groups, and daily scripture study.
SHOW NOTES: Links mentioned: Spouse and Family Support Guide from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Addiction Recovery Program. Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life, and Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships, Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend. Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Get in touch with us at hello@reach10.org. Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Creed and Crishelle talk with Alma Thurber, a young husband, new father, and university student, about 3 of his top tools for recovery from compulsive pornography use. Hear his experience developing a growth mindset, setting good boundaries for himself, and building a support network. Alma shares the danger of a binary mindset (aka black and white thinking) and how it can get in the way of recovery. He shares examples of his boundaries to avoid triggering situations, and how he brought in more people to help him keep making progress. These essential tools are some of the things that have helped him feel hopeful and more confident. Listen in, you’ll love his practical advice and his commitment to find healing and quit pornography. Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Get in touch with us at hello@reach10.org. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
How are we being influenced by the sexual media that surrounds us? Creed and Crishelle talk with Bonnie Young, therapist & researcher, about the influence of sexual media on expectations of what sex should be like. Pornography shows the antithesis of healthy sexual relationships, and even subtle ideas that sneak into relationships can cause pain. Bonnie explains sexual scripts and encourages young adults to be aware and choose carefully what they believe. Click here for show notes with links to resources talked about in this episode. Support our nonprofit podcast and help us reach more young people here.
Start here if you're a first-time listener! Creed and Crishelle explain what Breaking the Silence is all about. All young adults have been affected by pornography in some way, but it's still hard to talk about. We're here to help! This is a safe and respectful place to share stories and ideas about overcoming the shame, silence and fear that keep people stuck in pornography. You'll also hear the positive side about building healthy sexuality. So subscribe and stay tuned, together we can break the silence! This podcast is supported by the nonprofit Reach 10.
Creed and Crishelle share thoughts on why young adults really do want to talk more openly with friends about tough issues like pornography and sexuality. At the same time, it’s tricky to get started. It’s all about our basic needs as humans to feel valued and feel like we belong. Understanding each other is the root of connection. Listen in for motivation to get the conversation going in your circle. This is part 1 – listen to part 2 coming up! Click here for show notes with links to resources talked about in this episode. Support our nonprofit podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
“Where do babies come from?” Most of our parents dreaded that question! But lucky for us young adults, we can be more prepared than our parents ever were. Talking to our kids (or future kids) doesn’t have to be traumatic or awkward if we get educated and practice talking about sexuality now. Dr. Laura Padilla-Walker is a Professor at BYU in Family, Home, and Social Sciences. She’s an expert on how to create a culture of openness with your kids about sexuality, and she shares all her best ideas with Creed and Crishelle on this episode. Learn about howto talk, when to talk, and the importance of teaching your children the whybehind healthy sexuality. Click here for show notes with links to resources talked about in this episode. Support our nonprofit podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
Creed and Crishelle talk to Zachary Andrews about what it was like getting involved in pornography as a young teen, then deciding he wanted to change. For Zachary, building healthy connections with God first, then with people in his life, was the key to his progress. Hear his thoughts on relapse, relationships, and healthy sexuality. Working on recovery from pornography use can be an opportunity to learn positive principles that transform someone’s life. Click here for show notes for this episode. Support our nonprofit podcast and help us reach more young people here.
What does recovery from porn addiction look like for couples? When should you set boundaries? What are boundaries, anyway? How do I know if I’m being co-dependent? What does interdependence mean? All of these questions and more are answered in this interview with Amanda Christenson, MFT. Amanda has spent many years counseling couples and individuals struggling with pornography addiction. Hear what she teaches her clients about the power of boundaries, rebuilding trust in relationships, and what helps people make progress in recovery. Click here for show notes with links to resources talked about in this episode. Support our nonprofit podcast and help us reach more young people here.
Travis Spencer, MFT is a young therapist, but he’s already spent years studying how couples navigate recovery from the impact of pornography. Travis shares what he has learned from his own experience of recovery, his work as a therapist, and his grad school study of couples. Hear about the 5 common experiences he observed with successful couples: a catalyst event that motivated recovery, finding support, getting educated, setting up structures such as boundaries and routines, and finally working on healing past trauma and learning better stress coping skills. Ultimately, couples came to see the experience as a crucible that helped them come out on the other side stronger than ever before.
Pornography isn’t just a guy problem. It’s a human problem, and Cassandra (Cassy) Hulse is a young woman on a mission to make sure that women who struggle with pornography use aren’t left out of the conversation. After years of struggling in secret and drowning in shame, Cassy decided enough was enough and came forward on social media about her lifelong battle with pornography addiction. Hear how compassion, inclusion, and love catapulted her into recovery and how she’s been transformed by it all. She talks about the unique struggles women face, what you can do to help the women in your life, and how breaking the silence on female pornography use is changing the world for the better. You can support our nonprofit podcast and get show notes at https://reach10.org/cassy-hulse-open-your-heart-women-struggle-porn-addiction/
How can young couples navigate the tough topic of pornography when one (or both) are working to stop using it? Nate and Shelby started this conversation while dating and are still relying on the power of open communication in their marriage. Hear what they mean by not letting pornography define a person or a relationship. Validating both partner’s feelings and not taking on the emotional labor of someone else’s work have been key factors in their connection. Nate shares tools for getting out of a shame cycle, learning self-regulation, and the importance of realizing his actions were causing Shelby pain. Together they resist narratives about “the creepy guy in the basement” and hold to the view that we are all whole people even while we have both strengths and weaknesses. Every relationship is unique, yet we can learn from each other’s experiences as we navigate our own. You can support our nonprofit podcast and get show notes at https://reach10.org/nathan-shelby-astle-open-communication-relationships-pornography-issue/
Creed and Crishelle talk with Rachel Denton and dive into the topic of healthy sexuality. As a young adult, she's already been deeply involved in projects and organizations helping people overcome pornography. She recently graduated with a Master's degree in social work, works at Fight the New Drug, and is also a therapist at LifeStar Network. You'll hear why pornography use is a symptom of a bigger problem - it's misunderstanding sexuality. Many people either abuse or neglect their sexuality. Finding the healthy middle ground means understanding many types of intimacy, which is available to everyone even if they aren't sexually active. Healthy sexuality is about sharing, while pornography is about consuming and taking. And when we can talk about pornography with true vulnerability, we give people space to breathe and share. You can support our nonprofit podcast and get show notes at https://reach10.org/rachel-denton-healthy-sexuality-is-sharing/
It's our first podcast! Meet our hosts Creed and Crishelle. These young adults have had unique experiences that helped them understand that shame hurts and love heals. Hear their stories about why they are advocates for healthy sexuality and freedom from the impact of pornography. Learn more about the sponsor of the show, Reach 10, and their mission to help young adults create a new culture of compassion, courage, and connection to replace the shame, silence, and fear that keep people stuck in the problems of pornography.