“Conversations from my Duvet”: Recent Episodes
Sophie Leone
This is me, Sophie, real, raw and creating space consistently in my life to unravel my stories and blocks. In stepping away from the conveyor belt, writing it out, unbound, I found my truth and new ways to thrive.
This is also you, on the cusp of change. Your voice, your experiences of shame and guilt, finally out.
Put simply: KNOW YOURSELF, CONNECT and HEAL.
(I changed the names of some nice people and some other types of people who I may have been pissed off with at the time and whose privacy I feel called to protect. Some are actual. I don’t wish to embarrass anyone or get sued.)
This one is more lengthy than the others. This is because we are taking a little break before we head into an evolved version of Conversations.
Season 2, if you will, is on it’s way. I spend for first few minutes explaining what’s happening.
The content of this episode though, is one which you will have experience of 100%. I recount my experience of my period, which I call bleed these days, my first sexual encounter and pouring my diluted blood onto our plants in the garden as ceremony.
I welcome your thoughts, as always and look forward to welcoming you into the next part of the journey as it comes.
Please leave me a review or tap on the stars if you are on Apple Podcasts. This really helps other people find the podcast and is the most wonderful way you can endorse it. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you to Sophie Hargraves, @the_rebel_mother whose Made in Womb documentary and exhibition is of invaluable value. We bleed. Together. We live. We grow. We thrive.
The final one for June.
Skirting around the concept of who we are, amongst other things. You’ll ask yourself who you are and who you are doing stuff for several times in your life, and that’s totally ok. We change, so I think it’s natural to have these moments of reassessing how we play out our lives.
This is particularly prevalent when you have your own business (new or otherwise) and you see yourself as the brand, the unique quality people ‘choose’ YOU for.
I share how inspired I am by the women who share their inner truth, their art, and how it is so rare for people to do this, to show who they really are to the world.
I see this inner truth work as THE way to finding your authentic, unique path and that’s the way I want to operate. I want to speak from my heart and I want to feel.
Within all these considerations, there is mention of my mind struggles in terms of whether I will return to the police or not - what it means financially, professionally, emotionally? These are honest deliberations around a vocation I chose to go into in 2003 and how I can’t go back if I don’t feel 100% committed because otherwise, I’m doing the public a massive disservice.
At the time of journaling these 2018 conversations, Mark and I found ourselves speaking and opening up about money more that we ever had. As a subject, money is huge and all of us have a story around what it is to have or not have it.
Any of you had to make big career leaving decisions that impacted your life hugely on lots of levels? I’d love to hear from you.
This one is for you if you are running your own gig and having doubts as to how to market yourself, how to set goals.
You may not get the exact answer you are searching for, but you get a real, authentic, true account of a talented woman (just like you are), who has got the option of taking the ‘easy’ road of going back in to the police for a regular wage and paid holidays, who instead has chosen to see what it can be like to go your own way.
It’s not easy. For every person you follow with their own business, for every thought that they are doing SO much better than you, I ask, how do you know? This is me, back in 2018, being honest, scared and ashamed about the lack of clients and the lack of money.
When you look ahead and have a vision board, or goals – do you actually think about each one and going into WHY that specific goal is important to YOU? Is it something you feel so deeply that you feel lighter at the prospect and it sounds true to you, or is it a goal that you hear thousands of other ‘entrepreneurs’ spout and therefore you think that you ‘should’ also have… Yes, that’s what this episode is about. Getting real and authentic in your business, with goals which are as unique as you are.
I share my personal ones with you from a couple of years ago (not a lot of people do this, and this is where I believe the power of this podcast to be. Truth, that we tend to conceal behind the perfect social media photo #lovinglife) What is remarkable though, is that lots of these have now come to fruition. Evidence based truth.
Get in touch with comments and as ever, please leave me a review, and/or rating on apple podcasts so that this podcast can reach more women like you. You are amazing.
There are days you feel like a complete imposter. Time to own up. Time also to look at why you are involved in what you are involved in. Where does it come from? What’s the real block? For me, it’s going back to the old story of “all looks no substance”, believing I’m a bit thick behind it all. This journal entry flips the script. From feeling unqualified to teach pregnancy yoga to laying down on paper and relaying exactly why my own experiences of pregnancy have brought me to this precise moment. Thank you for tuning in. Please leave me a review or a rating if you enjoyed this. This is me with my cap in my hand. Lots of love, Sophie x
At its heart, this episode boils down to exploring our willingness to deep dive into ourselves to explore our uniqueness. The episode covers themes around personal accountability, and how we are much, much more than our ‘qualifications’. We have become complacent and reliant solely on the piece of paper in order to determine someone’s worthiness or indeed, as a way to generalise someone’s skills. (PS: not saying I’d go to a surgeon who has only an NVQ in papier mâché...) I’m talking about digging back in to our creative reserves to dust off the gold that makes US unique and individually special. This topic invariably leads onto the competition we feel with other women. Where does this come from? Who has taught us this? Are there times you feel more or less confident around other women? Have you questioned why? We are all so capable and full of all the skills to blow ourselves away with our awesomeness. That’s the world I want to live in.
This one is another ‘get your Natural High on’ episode. I talk about having gone to a daytime alcohol free rave and having had the time of my life. I talk about how much I value my time and my space to allow for my creativity to thrive. The irony does not escape me - the moment when those words were captured, back in 2018, could never have predicted a 2020 where the kids wouldn’t be in nursery/school and when I would once again be exploring how much SPACE means to me. For my mental health. This is a really positive podcast, and it’s emphasis is on you saving yourself first and foremost. A message we hear but that goes in one ear and out of the other. Enjoy and leave me a review with your thoughts - they mean everything, I appreciate every single one. Thank you, Sophie xxx
What does it mean to be home? How do you make yourself feel at home? Join me during another intimate moment, caught while the world is seemingly asleep, during a moment when it seemed the blue sky was there and in evidence for that only moment alone. Can we take just one moment and just be... without making it complicated and full of intention or expectation? This episode is the equivalent to laying on the perfect sandy beach - the waves are lapping, your thirst is quenched. You are a goddess.
Welcome back and thank you for sharing this space and experience of life back in 2018. Welcome back to this moment in June when as a family, we had driven to France to see my family. All its resonant parallels. We can confuse ourselves so easily. Make mountains out of molehills, so the saying goes. I realise that I found a way to cut right through it - by spending some time with a pen and some paper. Using my senses to bring me to the moment. What do I hear, see, smell and taste and simply - what am I grateful for. Right here, right now - what do I have available to me, within me, to lift a cloud out of the way? Lots of love to you all, Sophie xxx
Big theme. Asking for help. Asking for guidance. Of your friends, of the universe around you and more importantly, of yourself. There’s a massively key message from universal source here that comes right at the end... whatever your calling in life, whatever you want to talk about and change, know that it’s not for you to change people, it’s for YOU to live your life according to YOUR BELIEFS so that you are the embodiment of change. And to trust that this alone, those vibes will do their thing in their magical way. You do you. So much love to you, Sophie xxx
Have you ever felt lost? Trying to find your way home? Then wondered what home is? Where that is? Is it out of you? Inside of you? While we are here, who is that person at home? The work of questioning the inner you and dismantling the bullshit is a constant showing up for yourself. It’s not something which happens in a week - it’s a whole lifetime. What I see is that it can feel ‘easy’ and satisfying to feel ‘at home with oneself’ during a yoga lesson, or having a bath or enjoying a glass of wine but.... that feeling of surety, pleasure, satisfaction: HOW ANCHORED ARE YOU IN IT? How long have you practiced getting to know YOU and being YOU so that you stand up for yourself and speak YOUR language wherever you are? A way to test this is to immerse yourself back into a family meal - you know, like a Christmas gathering. That’s it - drop that bomb and see how long it takes for you to move out of yourself, away from your centre. Just a question. A consideration. And a note on the practice of rest and Yoga Nidra as the ultimate way to come home to yourself. Lots of love, Sophie xxx thank you for being here xxx
Welcome to my French holiday in 2018. My space at ‘home’, back in the homeland, trying to feel myself back within MY actual home first and foremost - my body. My Earthly vessel. Here, I take a moment to explore the concept of living life by following and doing what gives us PLEASURE as opposed to PRESSURE. There’s so much engrained in us - and even if we explore the pleasure aspect as a woman... pleasure makes you fat, a whore, selfish, lustful. Basically, a bit too exotic and out there. WHAT????????????? How about allowing the pleasure - like the doughnut, the saying NO to the thing that we feel we OUGHT to do because if we don’t, it will offend, but then all we feel is wretched with ourselves because we know we are having a shit time and our body knows it and on top of this we will add the GUILT and SHAME that we are not STRONG or BRAVE ENOUGH to stand up for ourselves. Guess what. You are. You are. ENOUGH. A work in progress. Never finished, never perfect and brave to embark on the questions of where YOU STAND on the subject of PLEASURE AND PRESSURE. Enough said. Enjoy. Thank you for being here on this 2018 ride. Follow my 2020 ride on Instagram @therestgirl Apple platform listeners, I would be so grateful for your review, observations- if these words are impacting you, KNOW that they will impact another woman asking those same questions. Truth and authenticity is what I am about and I want to reach the hearts of millions of women. If we can be the change inside of us, we will will change the world. Numbers my sisters, numbers. Thank you xxx
Right here, right now, in this moment of when I am publishing this podcast episode on the 4th June 2020, in the UK we are slowly easing the ‘lockdown’ restrictions. Whatever your experience of this powerful moment in your lifetime, I hope it brought you to your knees at least once. That moment of deep loss of whatever that represents for you, where there is no option but to meet it, because it is in those deep feeling moments that a gateway of choice opens. Your opportunity to choose to make a change from here on in. A tiny change, a bit change, whatever that may be: job, kids, money, relationship, self esteem. I hope you allowed yourself to release into the discomfort. The discomfort helps us to KNOW. What matters. In this period of 2020, the past few days have been about reflection over race. Privilege - what it means. A silence over social media for black voices to rise. Once again, an opportunity to look in the mirror at our preconceived ideas, at where we are in the space of being ready to hear peoples truths, or not. Back in the world of Conversations from my Duvet (the diary entries from 2018 which I publish on exactly the same day in 2020), there was a pause for 4 days. Here I am right here, right now, absolutely AMAZED at the parallel universe situation. The silence, the pause, partly because in 2018, at that time, our family was taking a two day drive down to the South of France to stay with my family, but also because I was dropped into an environnement where I was conscious of needing to rest and not post anything on social media. In my 2018 diary entry, a universal message - “I’m not feeling what I want to say at the moment”. So, while I feel this moment of natural instinctive pause, I will feel into it before I speak. This brings me right up to today, in 2020, when it may be that we have felt we have had to say things on the current situation when we haven’t allowed ourselves the time to really digest it because we have seen everyone on social media stick on black squares. Our reaction upon seeing this tumbling of squares like a house of cards was either: 1) pressure to add one because it would look complicit to racism if we didn’t, or 2) a genuine feeling of the only way we could express solidarity. Either way - know there is only one way for you, and this is YOUR WAY. When you get off the fucking merry go round of relying on everyone else’s actions and opinions in order to determine yours. No matter how long it takes you, take the time to make the time to feel into your pain, your discomfort, your joy. Your wobbly spots and go into your heart, your body... your KNOWING WHAT’S RIGHT AND CONGRUENT WITHIN YOU. This, my dear friends, is YOUR TRUTH. This is your way to effective, loving change, because you begin to change inside of you. Feel before you speak. Feel before you speak. Thank you for hearing me.
Here we go, last one for May... tighten your seat belts - this one may be a little bit cringe... for whom? Me? You? I’m all about truth. There’s nothing in this episode that Mark doesn’t know already. He listens to this, by the way. He isn’t quite up to date, but he knows this one is coming up. Let’s get to the wisdom of this episode: when we look for a ‘partner’, how many times have we caught ourselves chatting with girlfriends about what our ‘type’ is? The tick box. Have we dug into where we got this ‘type’ from? And why certain attributes are important to us? I know Mark is a mixture of me receiving what I asked for (did I ask without asking?!?) and him being sent in all his bedraggled glory to really test my powers of trust in my intuition and deep gut sensation... We all love a good “how did you meet story” - know this, there is no perfect way. When I met him and I wasn’t swept off my feet, I remember googling “is it meant to be if i don’t fancy him straight away?”. Just goes to show how we are always searching for guidance outside... yet... I knew to not sack him off straight away. Enjoy. It’s the last one for a few days before we head into our June 2018 universal adventures xxxx
Major dream sequence time - I absolutely LOVE dreams. Who hasn’t googled “dream meaning” ever? It’s not really until I did my Yoga Nidra course and we explored that realm of liminal space that the beauty of dreams really revealed itself. You see, it’s never so much about the detail - more the theme and overall sensation. These days, I write my dreams down first thing - whatever i can remember. Be it detail or prevalent sensations/colours/numbers... I don’t analyse them. I know that my dream space is where everything that needs to process is given the vessel, the cooking pot of my sleep to breathe, to air, in it’s beautiful fantastical way. I’m also open to receive signs too. Anyway, back to this episode, from the Sophie of 2018, who clearly was subconsciously expressing the old life of working in the police versus the new possibilities. In my dream space, where the depths of me was feeling out my impending thoughts on whether to apply for a career break or not. I’m definitely in love with Stop Thinking, Feel. Whether awake or asleep xxx Please leave me a review on Apple Podcasts, either episode specific or an overview of how you are receiving the podcast. This is not merely for my ego (!) I mean it when I say that those words, written back then, are UNIVERSAL. It’s the sharing of true stories that effects and affects change. If it’s effecting change in you, it will do so for another woman. Sending you huge love, Sophie xxx
This ones a bit longer - and rightly so - this subject fires me up. It did back then, when I wrote the words, fresh on my 2018 page and NOW, in May 2020. This is the one for you: woman. Powerful, soft, denied, suppressed, misunderstood, ‘misogynised’ and undervalued. You, me, and every other woman who needs to feel and hear that we are WORTHY OF IT ALL. Our bodies are beds of pleasure - all the senses. Even if you took the sexual element out of it - it’s in our curves, our swagger, our jangly bits, those are just a tiny part of the sweet sweet nectar. This body is your pleasure palace, for you. This body, this heart, this soul: is your power - once you see that for millennia, a world has been crafted in order to make us feel less than; “here: shave your legs, hide your curves, for if you show them, you’re a slut.” Fuck that big old load of bollocks. Right off. We are immense. This is the era of emotional intelligence. We are pros at this - the more of us break out of these corseted shells, the more opportunity for planet earth and its ‘governance’ to regain her equilibrium. Bleeding is the source, the root, the beginning of it all. It’s the story of woman.
Hold on to your horses - the ride on the rainbow up to Fizzland has commenced! This is the sane madness that takes hold when you get a feel for the free drugs that the simple beauty of life has on offer. When in a moment, the whole world and its why reveals itself to you. From making love to religion and women and family and patriarchy, this episode is immense. The wisdom: FEAR IS BLOCKING EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. Read it again. And feel. Having these crystal clear clarity moments are like a multiple orgasm: rare, and accessible only when you stop giving a single shit and let yourself go into the pleasure of the simple moment.
I’m repeating this Mantra of “Stop Thinking and Feel” quite a lot. It came from the depths, and it made sense. It made sense because when I drop into the feeling, I ‘read’ the situation on a totally different level. When I think, I find the answers I come up with to rationalise the thing I’m thinking about come from the opinion of others. When I’m in the ‘feel’ mode, it’s another planet of exploration, and as a language, it’s delicious. It’s mine. There’s a shift with these episodes, this and the ones coming up. Tiredness was something affecting me constantly, and here, I declare my love for Yoga Nidra. This practice, this ancient sacred practice of rest which will eventually lead me into becoming ‘The Rest Girl’ - this practice opening up the dreams within. I challenge you today, when there’s a decision coming up, WHATEVER THIS MAY BE... stop thinking about what you should do; feel into what your body, your intuition, is guiding you to. Make note. Will you listen? Do you trust? Be honest. Lots of love and thanks an absolute bunch for listening. If you are appreciating my daily offerings to you, please leave me a review. Please mention this podcast to friends by sharing and tagging me far and wide. If it matters to you and helps you, it will matter to someone else too. Sophie xxx
Welcome to the beginning of a shift taking place back in May 2018. The incredibly powerful synchronicity is that EXACTLY the same is happening now, in May 2020. I am on the eve on a huge shift, only this time, it’s deeper. I urge you to note your feelings down, however you choose - I guarantee there will be patterns, threads, coincidences, ways you do things that will surprise you. Investing in yourself by carrying out investigations into YOUR who, what, why, where, how is the most powerful and rewarding journey/adventure you will ever go on. It never ends - you are always learning, there’s always a surprising twist around the corner. This episode’s theme came out of spending time in one of my favourite places - alone. Medicine for the soul. Writing down the ways i can treat myself like a precious object in order to be the best version of myself. I invite you to journal on this too. Go, wax lyrical. Don’t wait for others to surprise you, SURPRISE YOURSELF.
This one is a bit like Easter. I woke up and was rolled out of the dark cave. My baby was brought to me and milk miraculously came out of my breasts to feed her with. Life is a gift. To live is a gift. I know I got to the gates - I saw them. Yet, I travelled back Earthside. I don’t need to know the science of what happened in my body. I’m grateful to science for bringing me here. Now I know I have shizzle to stir fry. This interlude ends with this episode, after which we will be back into the parallel universe of 2018, on the eve of the awakening.............. what is she on?!?!?!?!? You have to give me a shout out if any of this is striking a chord - that’s the whole point. I am not just one voice. I speak and from one voice, another speaks, and another, and another, and another and then what do you know??? We have strength in numbers. Then we can get to work. Lots of love, Sophie xxx
Episode follows on from Part 1. This one comes with a warning signal. Emotional content covering my near death experience of post partum bleeding. You choose whether or not you want to hear this story. You can go in, or stay in the overview and join back in with part 3. A ton of love to you and thank you for being on this immense journey with... not just me... but with yourselves xxxxx
Change of plan. In our 2018 “Conversations from my Duvet” bubble, the next parallel entry in my journal isn’t dropping for another couple of days (and you know how I LOVE that I am publishing the entries exactly 2 years to the day they were written!) These next 3 episodes are my story of rebirth. I NEED TO STRESS: this is my birth story, so there are explicit details in there. If you are not a fan of birth stories, wait until the episode called “Woodbridge by the River”. Part 2 is the episode which comes with emotional trigger warnings, and those are explained. Please decide whether or not you are ready to listen. This podcast is my truth. All of it. And this birth story is crucial. Lots of love to you, Sophie xxx
There’s always a space where I reassess how I am going about things. The aim is to live in my flow state. What is this? (I hear you clamour) This is when the way you live is so aligned that you feel held through the various parts. Like floating, like it’s meant. This is not some marshmallow wish, this is real. And this is an exercise is presence. So when I have been journaling, it’s generally first thing. I commit to waking up a little earlier than my kids and I write. Sometimes they wake up earlier, and there is noise all around. This episode is an exploration into what ways we employ in our lives and whether they ‘suit’ our circumstances. Do we force them to fit? Or can we find a more flowing way? Also, some mornings, I prefer to spend time breathing (meditating) over writing. So there’s a philosophical aspect to this episode too, for those of you who get turned on by that kind of thing... isn’t the act of writing a sort of meditation? Join me today and share. Share your thoughts. I know they are bubbling up within you. Don’t assume I don’t care. I do. Thank you for your ears and for inviting my voice into your life every day. Sophie xxx
Short and sharp. In and out. Mum life, real life. With nought taken out. As they say in Yorkshire. I know you’ll feel this one. Have yourself a nice cup of tea, you’re doing amazingly. One day at a time. Sending you a ton of love, Sophie xxx
Yes, this is me, back in 2018, pondering, musing, questioning, and delving. Where were you back then? And where are you now? Are you asking questions of yourself? My guess is, if you are listening in, then, you are. And I’m grateful of your attention. Back then, I sat in gratitude that the life I lived was aligned (as opposed to living a square life that I was trying to fit into a round hole) and at that moment in time - the clothes fit. Incidentally, right here, in 2020 - right now, I’m just about to step into some different clothes. Clothes that are me, but evolved. Because that is LIFE, my friends. How are you choosing to evolve through your life? So much love to you xxx. PS: do you prefer the podcast itself or these little love notes??? Do let me know... sophie@therestgirl.com
Adventure of a Lifetime by Coldplay is one of those songs where I only HEARD the lyrics after hearing the song loads of times. “Turn your magic on, to me she'd say, everything you want's a dream away We are legends, every day... I feel my heart beating, I feel my heart beneath my skin, I feel my heart beating. Oh, you make me feel...Like I'm alive again”. What’s your adventure? Where are you willing to go? What are you clinging on to that is stopping you from reaching, reaching? Do you see that you have to let go to make the space to reach? Does anyone read the show notes? If you do, I’d love for you to show your love on a review please....! Either on Apple podcasts or... tag me on the socials @therestgirl This is me. My story of 2018 brought to you in the land of 2020 when the world stopped. And suddenly you actually felt your heart beating.
Welcome back to the parallel universe space that is recording a podcast in 2020 on the EXACT same day that the script was written in 2018. Universal wisdoms and musings. Today we are talking rebranding my daughter’s name (that’s pretty funny) then another dream sequence from Police Force - the yoga musical, a bit of cancer philosophy, culminating in how we need to get on board with the now. Immediately. It’s the only reality. Oh, and... IF this podcast is hitting a nerve with you and calling you home, PLEASE LEAVE ME A REVIEW... it’s really easy to do on Apple. If you are on a platform where this is not possible, but you follow me on the socials (@therestgirl) Copy and paste the episode page and tag me in to a story with your thoughts. That will be the best present ever xxxxx
This one is a retrospective, introspective journey on the ways and times, in my life, when I have been offered the opportunity (the key) to look within for answers. There’s a game of “Who are You” in there which you may be intrigued by and wish to try out for yourself (or with me... send me a message). I also share how while in the police, after failing my Sergeant’s board, I took up an NLP session (neuro linguistic programming) to identify the overall feeling in that situation and going into the recesses of my brain to pin point a key moment I felt that way too. This turns out to be a memory from being 6yrs old which I had long forgotten - and the way the situation had been dealt with, upon exploration, explained to me why I felt so nervous, silly, stupid in situations of having to ‘perform’ years after it. This also showed me that I also took on the way I had been dealt with as my response to people around me who didn’t ‘get on with it’ and how - I know this is not ME, but the environment. You have the power to visit times and places and stories of yours and rewrite them. To see what is bullshit and what is you - your value, your essence. You can totally do this - keep going xxxx
I’m just keeping it real ok? I know lots of you are either starting journaling or asking yourselves questions over life in general. Please know, this is a roller coaster ride and I choose to give you the unfiltered version. Some days it’s fluffy, some days, it’s fuzzy. Just like you. That’s why these are universal words. Some days, I fart on the page.
“I write about me. It’s from me. Without the need to compare, to be like the others.” People: speak your truth, speak from your heart. The rest will follow. We all connect to purity, no filters required. Bird song, blue sky, grey sky, laughter, that stuff is for free. This episode will give you a kick up the arse. Bare up.
Woah woah woah. Stop for a sweet minute and appreciate the art at work right here. In this episode, which is a journal entry from May 2018, I deem it important to allow for a dream vision to be recorded on paper - because deep down, I know there’s my inner wisdom speaking to me from another realm. Fast forward to now, May 2020, when a shit load of us at the moment are having wild dreams (because we have a lot coming through) and I wonder - what and how do you treat your dreams? Dismiss them? Love them?
What’s your relationship with your bleed? Now or then, I mean. We focus on the bleed (or the period - as I used to refer it as) - but of course this bleed is just ONE moment of a whole cycle. Are you aware of your feelings/behaviours at various times of the month? Or have you masked it for years? What if you took notice and what if, as you rediscovered yourself, it was like another world level opening up to you, right in front of your eyes, to which YOU alone have the key. Do you believe it?
And what if, amongst the discovery that you have very real ebbs and flows, you discovered the practice of Yoga Nidra... like the magic medicine you feel you have always known yet never embodied fully... like finding out you’ve got an identical twin at the other side of the word?.....
The book mentioned is Yoni Shakti, by Dr Uma Dinsmore Tuli. It will open up so many doors for you. It’s your time to step in.
Kiss, Shag or Marry? (Is that what the TV show was called?) Bonus bit of knowledge for you - a ‘story’ of mine was that I had digestive problems - never called it IBS or went to the doctor’s, but I’d go for a poo every 3 to 4 days? I exercised, I ate right but my natural body’s function of excretion was blocked. It was a running joke. Then I stepped away from the police. I now poo every single day. Nuff said. (Though there will be more said about that as we go on because that was a REVELATION in more ways than one)
A story/poem/contemplation on female masturbation. But first, I check in with you to enquire as to how you are reflecting over this podcast’s ‘universal truths’. I know they are landing, and I couldn’t be happier. Recording from my 2018 script is one of my most favourite things to do right now.
After a couple of days of no entries into the journal and such a fizzy, awakened last visit - you’d think all was well in the world of the enlightened... actually - NOPE. Just when you think you’ve got it sussed, that’s the moment to keep doing the thing that keeps you grounded and sane. The thing that keeps you coming back to centre. All is never lost though, and everything you are sent is a gift to learn from. I allowed late nights to creep in, and saw the direct correlation with it going back to rat shit. So join me as I write it out and delve into my priorities. As I do, I see that my higher self returns to guide me with a message to end on. She is here all along.
When your mind begins to tap into its own free drug resources. And it takes you on a trip just by the simple act of having picked up a red pen that day instead of a black one - and from there on in a trail of wisdom ensues.
Could it be that after only 4 and a half weeks of diarrhoeaing out the random stuff that comes out of my head that something is beginning to happen? What is this? I’m feeling all... tingly. Good vibe zone as Jamiroquai said. This is it peeps, this is the start of tuning in to the frequency of source. The start of a long journey (still on it here and now in April 2020 btw) - but this? It’s different. This is the energy that has the power to change the world.
Woo Hoo! Don’t think I even mention the word Tired in this episode! No, today is about the tide starting to turn. When you start to make peace with what you have and you start to appreciate the little things. When the good things in your life (and believe me, there is ALWAYS at least one good thing) can be the stepping stone that gets you in to the next good thought and so on and so on. We are getting on for the end of April (if you are following this exactly two years ahead) - and universal fireworks are about to make an appearance... it’s coming. It’s coming.
So by now, even the less inclined detectives amongst you (though I would hazard a guess that your curious natures which bring you here every day would suggest a thirst and flair for investigation...)... lest we not digress. With this episode, that bloody word TIRED appears AGAIN. Hang on in there beautiful - through the mundane first few sentences, as the story unravels. I feel an explosion of soul and clarity coming soon. If you are seeking, you truly shall find.
Have you ever looked into your daily activities and explored (without getting too analytical about it) how much of your precious time you spend within your feel good zone? Please know this is not to judge yourself. I ask that if most of what you do makes you feel less than, are you willing to explore ways to fire up your feel good hormones? This episode visits gratitude, and how I want to feel in my life. Taking the time to explore what inspires me and ensuring those have a seat at my table every day. It’s in the feel good zone that I see a clear way. The not feel so good zone is useful also, don’t misunderstand me, we have to feel the dark to know the difference from the light, however... there’s something deliciously sweet in the knowing that light begets light.
Ok. Are we starting to get the clues here? Recurring theme - Could the universe be sounding the alarm bells any louder?! Well, it so happens that the first step is acknowledgment apparently... and then you don’t solve it straight away (hey, it takes another 12 months until I become The Rest Girl)... but here in this short visit, I vacation over what those states of being actually mean to my life. The affect on the effect. Welcome to “Conversations from my Duvet”. The step through portal to the parallel universe of 2018 mirroring your 2020.
Motherhood, and who the real person is underneath. Can you mix ‘business’ with being a mother? How real, how authentic can I be when I share my stories without people turning off? Or do I say... sod it. Being true is my value, so you either get me or you don’t. Can we be that brave? Can we be honest and really say what’s on our minds without fear or judgment? Those are the ponderings in this short episode, which includes some French wisdom... can anyone give me the English equivalent? Breathe girl, breathe. You’re good at that.
After two days of not showing up to my page, today I put pen to paper. Have you got it yet? The art within the art? That this process, this podcast, which is actually a voyage into a parallel universe of 2018, is an unravelling if a human being wanting to find some answers? Just like you. Not showing up every day to write a masterpiece, but to release pieces as they land - because... that’s us. Imperfectly perfect and authentic. If we are not able to show up every day, it’s ok. However when you do, acknowledge where you are and how you are and tune in to your heart. Write about that. Or sing or dance about it. Or be still with it. Thank you for being here, on this journey.
Day 2 of a big headache so the showing up to the page is a short one - and still, a wisdom arises from only being present and questioning and writing a few lines - what’s the ache trying to tell you?
Back in those days, this particular day, on Friday 13th April... I ‘operated’ my ‘business’ under the name of “Little Frog Yoga”. This entry is a short one. The title kind of gives it away - most tellingly though, is how this is when I see that the universe was opening portals up for me at every fricking opportunity... to rest. To sleep. To slow and take it easier. No rush. Surrender. It wouldn’t be until 12 months on that I became “The Rest Girl”. For good reason. It’s in my soul.
Exploring the feelings when you know your bleed is about to return after your last one was pre-pregnancy. The hormones associated with this, amongst other big changes happening in your life. New friendships forming, old relationships strengthening and the ultimate relationship..... with ourselves. What is your voice? Your language? How do you express yourself?
I think you’ll find that it’s you. But it’s not about apportioning blame, rather to take responsibility for our actions. This episode begins slowly - you see, this is real, and it takes time to circumnavigate the shipwrecks in the head to get to the realness. The reason this podcast is the way it is... is exactly because we filter the shit out of our lives and that’s the ‘reality’ we see around us. It builds up our expectations of perfection and how long it should take. How patient are we? Do we believe in a long term approach and commitment? If you’ve followed up to this point, then clearly you are, and I am so happy for you. Because you, my beautiful friend, are unravelling and changing. Welcome welcome welcome 😘
Through all the insecurities that we feel in the ‘newness’ of things (motherhood, work, trying out something different), there’s that moment of space in between the past and the future. It’s called “Presence”. It’s the only thing that really matters. Once that is nailed, it comes down to determining who YOU are. Not your sister, not your best friend... YOU. What makes up YOU? And do you trust that through all this instability, a new you is emerging? I hope you are enjoying the podcast so far. I would be so so chuffed if you would take a tiny moment to leave me a lovely review... if on Apple, then a 5* and some words or if you podcast platform doesn’t allow it- mention me or share me on your social media feed. @therestgirl
If you’re feeling a bit blue... what are you denying yourself? What is it you are distancing yourself from and crucially... why? Why are you doing this to yourself? A short morose-ish episode which ends upbeat.
What do you listen to? Honestly - Hand on heart (ha.... see? It’s in the vernacular...) but why do we seldom go there? No the longest or deepest episode - however, I promised you all the fluff, and this fluff is real. So you can see that the fluff that precedes the eventual gold.
You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be the finished product. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You’ll go through shit moments, your writing will suck, your mothering style will at times be a bit dodge... but you keep showing up for yourself EVERY DAMN DAY. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
Honour your hear. The simplest truth in this.... Rest. Nap. Sleep when you are able. Make the space. There’s no denying we face challenges, but if the will is there, we can do it. There are three essentials that are so basic that we keep ignoring them. Sort out your nutrition and your sleep and you’re immune system will thank you. And your brain cells. You can do this.
Does the end justify the means? Why the need for a specific goal? Why is that goal so important? Is it even ours or something that we feel we should aspire to in order to find our place in society? Where does the beginning end and the end begin? This is getting pretty deep.... enjoy xxx
Why do we give a shit about the ‘competition’? What are we competing on? Price? Knowledge? Location? Pretty pictures? Amount of Instagram followers? The fact they have better toys??? What’s really at the bottom of that? What have we not tapped into - when are we going to be trusting enough to believe that we all have unique ways and that there is enough for everyone???
How often do you revisit what really blocks you from your creativity? What kind of things did you love getting up to as a child? When you feel into them, does it feel warm or cold? Ever wondered what it was about those things that kept you going and whether an element of them remained with you in life as you grew up (in much more diluted versions)? What is stopping you from going for your dreams?
CONTAINS SWEARING No shit, Sherlock. When rage has to come through. When rage sweeps in like a thunderstorm and you are the storm and you know it is temporary and it will pass. You feel it in technicolour with all the emotions. I scribbled it out. My rage. My soul was still with me all along. Listening. And then, giving me a nudge to step on up and out.
We are back into the parallel universe of 2018 - in April. Procrastination- familiar? So much to do and yet can’t seem to get on with ONE thing? What do you do to feel into this? No right, no wrong, just you and your observations.
If you are listening live, welcome to that space, that space of in between - let’s have a pause from the March mayhem and steady ourselves into more openings in April. This is me, saying hello and thank you, for being here, for expressing your desire for curiosity and authenticity. This podcast is not your usual. My 2018 voice is not here to solely talk at you. It is guiding you into your own conversations- and I am glad to hear them. Your feedback, your recommendations, your suggestions. We are all together in this. If you are in at this point, we are all on target for saving the ultimate Queen 😊❤️ (My plan is to drop one episode a day - clearly I had some catching up to do in March.... at least you are becoming familiar with THE VOICE.)
The final entry of March 2018, which depending on when you are tuning in, is also the last day of March 2020. What beautiful juxtaposition. This ones a bit fluffy, a bit lost, however my soul held me and throws a rope as I stay showed up, she gives me what this is all about: LOVE. Pure and simple, no filters.
The doubts we have. The reasons we make things so damn complicated. This daily entry was visited by soul at the end. She gave me breath and space and simplicity. Join me. Join me. Bet you will...!
When you’re nervous and out of your comfort zone and you kid yourself you don’t care about social media reactions. But really, you do. And then, the whole mantra concept begins to sink in. How is it going for you so far? Any shifts beginning to happen?
A super rapid tour around friendship with two amazing women at uni. We were a trio. We held each other in all sorts of storms. This is a fast exploration into how, despite the strong bond that we had, I felt the only value I added to the friendship was ‘the entertainment’. This entry lifts a lid on a theme which I carried with me as an insecurity for a long, long time.
Delving back into my original love, how it felt and what it meant and all the points that we met up through my life again and again and again - like reminders (hey Soph, I’m still here, remember me?) Why didn’t I go there then? What is meant to be at that point? I suggest not, there was other learning to be done - but whenever it resurfaces, it has new meaning and I pay attention more and more. Nothing is accidental. The healing has commenced.
When you allow yourself to dream back to what you loved as a child - can you allow those dreams to permeate to ur NOW reality? How can you make them relive into the adult you have become and the child you always have been? And then......maybe think back to moments in time, situations, things people have told you - that make you feel warm, however silly they may seem to the outside world??
When you have stuff to say but you stop yourself because you tell yourself it’s rubbish and not worthy of even writing it for your own eyes... and you just keep on writing anyway, well done. You just showed up for yourself.
Day 1 of getting into the commitment of sitting and writing. Sitting and writing. Even though I’m tired. What wisdom could possibly come from today’s offering...?
An untold story of childhood imagination. What if it were true that I came from a different planet and that I was here to gather as many people around me to help save our Queen, our mother, who is in grave grave danger? How beautifully that this should be so apt right now, in these here times...