The Interracial Couple: Recent Episodes
Cera & Matthew
Each relationship is unique with its own special joys and challenges. Cera and Matthew explore love, life, money, and cultural and racial differences. Here we shine a light on what works, what doesn't, and how to enjoy this crazy journey we call love and life.
Change is inevitable in all areas of life, whether it's business or relationships. This ultimately means that our expectations and commitments need to be reassessed as time goes on. How do you know when to stick with the commitments you made, or when to pivot or quit once and for all.
On this episode, Cera speaks on the burnout she feels after podcasting for 70 weeks straight. Will this be our last podcast?
Does everyone have a sense of humor? What if what your partner finds funny is not a joke to you? How do you handle inappropriate or even offensive jokes?
On this episode, we discuss what makes us laugh as per the prompts of Week 21 from The Lover's Journal. How important laughter is to a relationship, and where humoring fosters the health of a relationship and when it becomes toxic.
Being in a long distance relationship can be deliberate or circumstantial. Regardless of how we find ourselves far apart from our partners, we need to embrace the positives of being in a long distance relationship, while bracing for the downsides of it.
On today's episode, we discuss what really constitutes a long distance relationship, what makes it worthy, and whether it's for everyone or depends on your personalities or stage you're in in life.
Traveling as a couple, more so as an interracial couple, has its benefits as well as challenges.
On this episode, Matthew and I discuss the experiences we have had traveling solo and as a couple, and also traveling in our home towns versus traveling to other cities and distant lands.
This follows the monthly challenge #11 from The Lover's Journal: This month you are going to be a tourist in your own town. Go the the museum, take the train to downtown, visit the farmer market, and whatever else your city is known for.
I am my worst critic. Yet what I've learnt in relationships is that, when we criticize ourselves so harshly, we are bound to also lack empathy when dealing with our partners.
On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we look at how we can improve our relationship by becoming more encouragers and less of critics.
To be right or to be happy? That is the question. To be right, you only need to crash your partner's or family's arguments and pride until they give up the fight. To be happy though, requires humility and self reflection. Because like it or not, we are always wrong in life as Kathryn Schulz writes in her book, Being Wrong; Adventures in the Margin of Error.
In this rerun of Episode 32, we touch on the question of what is more important: being right or happy in a relationship?
Matthew and I have a hard time accepting compliments and love back, yet we welcome criticism way better. Does this mean criticism is our love language?
On this episode, as per the Week 15 prompts of The Lover's Journal, we discuss what we admire most about each other as lovers, and what we need to do so our relationship can grow from just good to healthier and enduring.
Cheesiness is one of the qualities that have constantly served to keep our relationship healthy? Saying and doing the cheesy stuff is always easy at the beginning of a relationship. What happens though when the relationship is confirmed to be a longterm one?
On this episode of The Interracial Couple, we discuss the cheesy things that still define us after 4 years of dating and their impact. Along with this, as part of Week 14 prompts from The Lover's Journal, we talk about what are the top on the list of important things in our relationship.
Self doubt sabotages all our relations since trust is the basis of them all. And if you cannot trust yourself, why should anyone trust you? Therefore overcoming self doubt is critical not just for the individual but also for the benefit of all the relationships they are in.
How then can a partner help when one is struggling with self doubt? Is there anything family and friends can do to help someone who doesn't trust or love themselves?
Share your thoughts with us below
Do you and your partner have challenges communicating? Cera and I had communication issues too. We had to put in a lot of inner work to get to a point where we can communicate our needs with clarity.
On this episode of The Interracial Couple we discuss how we overcame our communication troubles, and also our responses to the Lover's Journal prompts for Week 12:
1. What are the 3 elements that make your relationship wonderful/ meaningful?
2. What is the 1 challenge from your relationship that your now see its benefit to your life/ love life?
It's easy to ignore the magic of the everyday, normal routine parts of our relationships as we seem to treasure the 'big' events we organize with our partners, no?
The guided prompts for Week 11 of The Lover's Journal reminded us to value 'the usual' parts of our day together as lovers.
So on this episode, we cover:
1. The most recent event we had that we want to cherish forever
2. What little thing each of us does that makes the other feel warm inside
3. What each partner does that is expected and can sometimes go unacknowledged
4. The importance of authenticity in the genesis of a relationship
After our anniversary weekend I ended up in a funk. Drinking has that depressing effect on me sometimes. I tried all I could to get rid of the grumpiness: yoga, reading, Netflix, long showers... Nothing worked. Not even talking to my partner, Matthew.
Fortunately, he did not take it personal (and wondered how I could mark our anniversary with sorrows and questioning the choices I've made in my life) nor did he take it upon himself to 'fix' me.
It wasn't until we had our regular TikTok live and interacted with our online community there that my mood looked up. I did not do much apart from listening and sharing my experience with relationships. Yet by helping someone else make sense of their own blues, mine went away too.
How do you handle those moments of unexplainable sadness? How about your partner's unhappiness?
Expression of gratitude is essential in a relationship. This way a partner never gets to feel that their generosity is being taken for granted. This is not to say that generosity is done with the expectation of something being done in return.
In this week's episode, we discuss the things we're grateful to our for: from Cera's choice to adopt levity when tough times come, to Matthew continuing on with the morning kiss challenge from last month.
The Lover's Journal Week 10
prompts are:
1. List 6 things that your partner did this week that you're grateful for
2. Come up with one thing you can do to show appreciation for your partner this week
3. What is something you can do to bring pizazz and aliveness into your relationship this week?
Self discovery and self mastery are things you constant work on whether you're single or in a relationship. And needless to say, the journey to discover yourself and be in control of this identity is pretty hard. This is particularly difficult for people who date outside of their culture as any interracial couple will admit.
This week we meditated on the need to assess how much we've discovered of ourselves and partner since we started journaling, and how we can hold onto these in service of the relationship. This follows the journaling prompts for The Lover's Journal Week 10:
1. Whats one new discovery you've made about yourself since you started journaling?
2. Whats one new discovery you've made about your lover since you started journaling?
3. How can you remain open to your lover's needs while staying true to yourself?
Kindly share your thoughts with us
Do you remember your first date? How magical was it? Is the magic from your most memorable date still there in your relationship?
This week lets discuss our favorite dating experiences following The Lover's Journal Week 7 prompts:
1. What is your favorite date that you have ever been to with your partner?
2. What made it so?
3. What 1 thing can you do to bring some of that magic into this week?
Share with us your most magical experiences below
Why is it so difficult for us to forgive ourselves and others? is it because forgiveness connotes something too big than can be done everyday?
One this week's episode, we discuss forgiveness following The Lover's Journal prompts for Week 6:
1. Look at the last week, or the last time, when your lover upset you and write about it from their perspective
2. Look at the last week, or the last time, when you upset your lover and write about it from their perspective
3. Take a deep breath. Forgive the other. Forgive yourself. How do you feel?
Share with us your take on the above prompts.
What does your partner do that makes you feel seen and understood? On the other hand, is there something you do that would make them complain they feel unseen and misunderstood?
Also I was super-excited after getting engaged over the Valentine's Day weekend, but now I'm already feeling overwhelmed with post-engagement blues. I thought we'd enjoy marital bliss for longer that a week? Is this normal?
On this episode of the Interracial Couple, we dive into one of the toughest sections of The Lover's Journal. This week we explore the dark sides of ourselves that need working through -following these prompts:
1. I Feel SEEN and UNDERSTOOD by my Partner When..?
2. I Feel MisUNDERSTOOD and UNSEEN by my Partner When..?
3. How can I share the first with Gratitude and the second one with non-accusatory compassion?
What came to mind when you read these prompts? Kindly share with us below
And if you wish to get a free sample of The Lover's Journal, check out our website www.loversunlimited.co
Are all lovers predestined to meet? I believe Cera and I were predestined to meet and fall in love. I also believe it's predestined that today's the last day I call her my girlfriend. Are we breaking up?
On today's episode, we explore the question of predestination, the origins of the challenges featured in The Lover's Journal, and our entries to the journaling prompts for week 5:
1. What mutual goals would you like to accomplish with your lover this year?
2. What specific actions can you and your lover take to make these happen?
3. How can you remain open to your lover's need while remaining true to yourself?
On this week's episode we take on The Lover's Journal prompts for Week 4:
1. What are the things you admire most about your significant other?
2. What can you do to support your lover's dreams and goals?
3. What words do you want to hear from your partner this week?
The Lover’s Journal prompts for this week are:
1. What is your most treasured memory with your lover?
2. 1 thing you can improve in your relationship this week is?
3. What little thing can you do this week to bring more love into your relationship?
So on this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast we discuss:
-How love is a journey with happy in betweens -not happy endings
-The memories of our first night in our Kenyan and California homes
-The need for partners to know how to handle each other’s struggles
-How our moods and attitudes towards challenges in life affects our relationships
-Our vision to become better communicators
Share your answers to the above prompts with us below:
The Lover's Journal prompts for week 2 are:
1. List 5 things about your partner that make you smile and
2. how can you show up more authentically for your relationship this week?
Answering the above questions proved a bit difficult since this week as Cera has been a bit depressed. This meant that our usual rhythm has been thrown out of whack. So in order to turn up for the relationship more authentically this week, I make a commitment to allow her space to recover her spirits while also allowing myself the time to center myself so I can engage with her with more intentionality and presence when we're together.
Most people give up on their goals after their first attempt at achieving these ends in failure. Yet the problem isn't the goals but rather the expectations.
In this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast we share our experiences with failure over the years in our personal lives, relationships and businesses.
The bad news is that you will also fail at one thing or another this year. The good news is that you are not a failure until you totally give up on your goals. Here are our lessons on going around failure to achieve your personal and interpersonal goals.
We are also launching a guided journal called The Lover's Journal. It offers journaling prompts and activities you can do as a couple that will deepen your understanding and appreciation of each other. You can get your copy here www.theloversjournal.com
What made you fall in love with your partner? Are they still there? What do they do everyday that makes you two stay in love?
On this episode, Matthew and Cera make their first entries into The Lover's Journal. This week's prompt is: List the top 10 things that made you fall in love with your lover. They range from Matthew's ability for active listening and being a family man, and Cera's sense of humor and constant thirst for inner work to make the relationship work. Some of the reasons we fell in love are common to each of us.
Share with us your reasons for falling in love with your partner?
ABOUT US
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
Culturally, we reward overactivity more than productivity. Yet to have a productive time requires that we take time out for recreation and self care. One of the habits I took up while in Kenya and especially in 2020 was giving myself more time to journal and tend to my inner garden -as it were. The benefits of doing this together with my partner cannot be overstated.
On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss:
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How attitude matters when faced with challenges in your relationship or life in general
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How journalling helps when reflecting on decisions you've made over time
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How our relationship benefited once we started reading books and journaling together
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How we came to compose the prompts and challenges that form The Lover's Journal
Every couple argues -but when does it turn from simply arguing to fighting?
On this weeks podcast, we discuss:
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the differences between arguing and fighting
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how Cera learnt to fight for the relationship instead of leaving to avoid conflict
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how Matthew came to appreciate compromise as something that can make the relationship healthy
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the most common causes of our arguments/ fights as a couple
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why the holiday season is stressful for couples and how to resolve these disagreements with your partner
BIOS
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
With most things we do in life, we have to jump in and learn on the go. No books, training or advice for others can ever prepare us fully as the experience we get from doing something by ourselves. For instance, you cannot study how relationships work unless you’re in one.
Today on The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss the value of going through the process and learning by/ while doing and:
-how we anticipate challenges in our relationship and prepared to overcome them
-the necessity of failing at the start. So be okay with sucking at new challenges.
-what is active engagement?
-who is the right person to understudy
Share your thoughts with us
ABOUT US
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
It's inevitable for any committed relationship to change you: but why do others feel this as growth while others suffer it as a loss of identity?
On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss:
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Personal versus shared identity in a relationship
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Signs that you're losing your identity to your partner
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Is it true that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with? As Jim Rhon says
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How do you protect your identity from being lost in a marriage
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The place of compromise in a relationship
Is watching porn any different from watching Netflix? According to Cera it's all the same since we're not our thoughts therefore it cannot be cheating if I get off on watching hot videos of other women. Even then, I must admit I'd feel humiliated if my girlfriend walked in on me watching the stuff.
On this Episode (42) of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss:
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Is watching porn cheating?
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When does watching porn become a problem for you and the relationship?
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How to handle your partner's porn habit and insecurities that arise from this
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The upsides of pornography -are there any?
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Edging and how conserving sexual energy leads to healthy relationships with yourself and your partner
What are your thought on porn and it's connection to cheating? How does it affect the health of your relationship?
ABOUT US
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
One of the reasons relationships fail is our expectations that one partner will become our everything and fulfill all our needs in this life. No one person should be made to bear the pressure to do for us what we should do for ourselves plus what the whole community is for -yet that is the reality of our modern society.
On this week's Interracial Couple Podcast, we delve into the question of how much we can depend on our partners. We discuss:
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What leads us to be too dependent on our romantic partners?
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What's the harm in my boyfriend/ girlfriend being my best friend?
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Why your partner should not serve as your therapist or emotional support creature
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Taking responsibility for your financial, emotional and sexual needs in a relationship
ABOUT US
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
Can you have a healthy relationship with a perfectionist? Most people will answer in the negative since perfectionism is something that has hurt more relationships than developed. It's for this same reason that my boyfriend denies being a perfectionist.
On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss:
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what is perfectionism, and how is perfectionism different from having high standards?
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is perfectionism cultural?
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how can we make one partner's perfectionism work for the other and the relationship?
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how do we temper our high expectations of our partner's perfectionist traits so that perfectionism doesn't become controlling
Share your thoughts and questions with us below or via info.itsnotall@gmail.com
ABOUT US
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
Body shaming affects both men and women. While there are so many movements that have come up to protest women being body shamed, male body shaming is an insidious issue that is not given the attention it deserves. This may be compounded by the fact that it's not socially acceptable for men to talk about their feelings being hurt.
This is partly why even Trump being body shamed had become fair game. Granted the outgoing president did body shaming more than anyone else in pubic office.
On Episode 40 of The Interracial Couple Podcast, Matthew and Cera discuss:
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Female vs male body shaming
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How marketers create and exploit our body insecurities
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Men dying of breast cancer and other consequences of denying male body shaming is real
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Why body shaming is prevalent in social media
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How radical self love differs from self obsession and can be the immunity against body shaming
BIOS
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
How much does your partner know about your past -or just your day? What do you choose to share with your partner and what do you withhold? How do you choose these?
On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and I discuss:
1. The definition of withholding and causes of withholding
2. The conditions that make sharing a necessity and cultivating the trust
3. Our commitment to creating a safe space for each other to share about our pasts and experiences
4. The harm of TMI in a relationship
5. The challenge of being a withholder in a relationship with a conceder/ open book
Kindly subscribe to our channel and share your thoughts and questions on this topic below
What you wear is most times tied to your identity. So what happens when your partner tells you they don't like what to wear? How can they comment on your dressing style without putting you on the defensive?
That's what happened with me and Cera. When we met, I used to wear a rugged mustache, torn boots and everything that didn't look out of place with these. For sure I was ready for the wardrobe upgrade. So when Cera called for a complete make-over, I heard no reservations and let her take care of how I look.
On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we dive into:
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Who do you dress for? Do you dress to impress your partner/ others? Or do you dress to just feel good about yourself?
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Can you tell your partner how to dress? At what stage of the relationship can you have this conversation?
- Fast fashion Vs. Second hand clothes
ABOUT US
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb. com
Is sharing phone passwords with your partner really a mark of trust or an innocent mistake? What about sharing bank account details with your spouse? Where do you draw personal boundaries in a relationship?
On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss whether phones should be private in a relationship. This is following a conversation we saw on Facebook about why sharing passwords with your partner is rarely a good idea. While some people held valid reasons for wanting to keep their devices and partners separate, Cera and I are of the opposite opinion.
Sharing phones and bank account passwords is a sign of trust. And should your partner start snooping through your phone to monitor your communication with others, then there is a bigger problem in the relationship that is not being addressed our loud.
BIOS
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
Do you and your partner share household chores or you divide labour along gender roles in your relationship?
A Pew Research study shows that couples who share household responsibilities have healthier relationships. But how easy is for a couple to do away with traditional gender roles and have men and women share equally housework just as the other responsibilities? Why do we feel resentment whenever we're doing more for the good of the relationship?
Cera and I have always believed in a relationship of equals, so both of us contribute to every sort of responsibility that needs taking care of. For instance, I usually do the cooking, while she does the weed whacking now and then. Not roles traditionally assigned to men or women respectively. Even so, we both started growing resentful doing the chores we used to enjoy doing for each other. What were the underlying reasons?
On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss:
1. the benefits of sharing chores and other household responsibility
2. the advantages and disadvantages of specializing in gender assigned role
3. is equality the same as scorekeeping?
4. how lack of appreciation breeds resentment and feelings of exploitation while performing household chores
5. how equality in handling housework builds intimacy in a relationship
Kindly share your thoughts and question below
BIOS
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
There are things that every couple must do before getting engaged and married. They are essential regardless of the culture each comes from.
On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we discuss the five things that have helped us test our compatibility and readied us for marriage life ahead:
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The Sex conversation
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Money, debt and personal financial habits
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Traveling as a couple
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Staying with the family
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Discuss the timing and type of wedding
BIOS
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
Anger is a natural part of our lives. Yet anger is perceived in different ways by different people. For instance, while it is allowable -even encouraged in boys and men as part of being stoic, women are not allowed to have a temper. Moreso, black women like myself in fear of fulfilling the stereotype of the angry black woman.
On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss anger. How we have dealt with it at individual levels, and how anger can be expressed in a way that is healthy for both partners and the relationship.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who has anger issues? How did/ do you manage to not be damaged by their rage? How does it affect the course of your relationship?
ABOUT US
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecoduniais not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
Hair shapes our identity either as individuals or as a people. So when Cera shaved her head bald over the weekend -it was a big deal. It's the first time in her adult life that she's shaved it this short. Why is that?
On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we dive deep into:
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Why a hair make over is the most natural means of self reinvention
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How Cera came to affirm her own beauty and confidence in her body
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How Matthew was in denial of his baldness until Cera came into his life
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Is letting go of our identities really that bold a statement?
Kindly share your thoughts on how hair shapes our identity in the comments section.
ABOUT US
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecoduniais not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
Whenever I get into a disagreement with anyone, I always have this urge to prove I'm right by all means. But this week I decided to let go of this desire to be right. Cera had crippling pains in her leg, while she believed it was a critical injury, I believed it was just muscle spasm.
On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we discuss:
1. What to do when both partners in a relationship can prove they are right
2. Is it better to be happy or right in a relationship?
3. The impact of one partner being the type to be excited by challenges
4. How to make it easy for each other to admit it when wrong
Kindly Like. Comment. Subscribe. Thanks
ABOUT US
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
There is no perfect family. We never get perfect partners and sure we never get to have perfect in-laws. For that reason it is destructive to a relationship when all we notice are the flaws in our partners' family and start to shit talk them.
On this episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we discuss how my stay with my in-laws in LA has been. Yes, I got to have another session of the RedTable Talk with Cera's adopted family. It was important that we got to have that council as everything was put on the table.
The things that came up were:
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What do you do when your partner and their family fight?
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How do you handle things when an in-law steps on your toes?
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How do you cultivate a healthy relationship with your in-laws or other family? Or do you leave it to happen automatically?
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What happens when you shit talk your partner's family?
BIOS
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
How does race affect our relationship?
We identify as interacial couple because of the color of our skin. Otherwise, we would just be a regular couple. The last few weeks have been intense for Black people in America. First George Floyd and now Jacob Blake and countless of other people unnamed here. There is no time to heal or take a break. It’s exhausting. It can put me in a state of anger all the time, if I’m not careful. No matter how much time I spend in mediation, it’s affecting our relationship.
In this Weeks podcast we discuss
- How current race tension in our country affects our relationship
- How we navigate the race conversation as a couple
- How Cera checked out of life when it got to be too much to take
- How matthew holds the space as the ally
ABOUT US
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
We made a big mess earlier this week, and it was either we owned up to our mistakes or leave our relationship with my brother and his wife in ruins. It was a tough dilemma. How do you apologize after winning an argument?
It did not take us long before Cera and I trooped back to my brother's house to take responsibility for the messed up day. The occasion was made even more embarrassing by having to swallow our big servings of humble pie in front of their friend.
On this week's episode of ''The Interracial Podcast', we're revisit the times each of us had to take responsibility for a mess we'd created, and how to handle situations as a couple where each of you is on the right.
As Marshall Rosenberg says in 'Non-violent Communication', it is important to let your own needs be heard while also listening to the needs of others.
ABOUT US
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
Last week we challenged ourselves to do a 7 days' long water fast. Yes, no food, just water.
Mark you, three days before the water fast, we prepped our bodies by only taking fresh greens. And even when we got to breaking the fast, we stayed away from carts and most solid foods for a couple of days. So in effects it's been almost a fortnight since we ate as we used to before.
It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. According to Matthew, doing the week long fast was a tougher challenge than what he faced climbing Mt Kenya itself.
On this week's episode of 'It's Not All Black & White', we discuss:
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Why the first three days of fasting are the hardest
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Why we did the fast: no, it wasn't about losing weight or religion
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The effects of fasting on our senses, routines and relationship
-
Matthew's first fasting experience marking Yom Kippur
-
Why Cera doesn't do 'all you can eat' buffets
The opinions expressed here are our own observations. They should not be taken as medical advice. Please consult your physician should you wish to do the fast challenge.
BIOS
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
As people who thrive on routine, Matthew and I have been drifting for the last few months since we lost our morning rituals. It all started back in Kenya with the uncertainties about our travel back to the States due to the pandemic. Yet even after we finally arrived here, it feels like we're still in the air -being blown around at the mercy of other people's schedules and other things going on in the world. This has culminated in a slow spiral into a kind of depression for both of us.
So last night and during our walk this morning, we had to reflect on how we ended up here and how we can get back on track.
On this week's episode of 'It's Not All Black & White', we discuss:
- The need for each partner in a relationship to stick to their routine even after the other falls off the wagon
- Whether it's such a bad thing at all to be in the funk sometimes
- How to be kind to yourself even after not living up to your own expectations for the day
- The best time to start taking charge of your day or week
- Why your routines don't have to be first degree fun
ABOUT US
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
Coming to America
We moved from black Kenya to white rural America last month. We were living in Kenya the last year and half and have now moved to Sonoma County in California. Our initial plan before COVID was to come to the States for 3 months- attend Graduation and see friends and Family and then move to Nairobi indifinitely. As the pandemic hit all our plans changed.
We figured it makes sense for us and our business that we are in the States while there are so many unknowns and instability in the world. So here we are - living very different lives than we did last year.
In our Coming to America episode, we discuss:
- Our lives in Kenya the last year and half
- Life in Sonoma County
- How Nakuru Kenya is different from Sonoma County in California
- White man living in majority black nation
- Black woman living in majority white county
ABOUT US
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
Not everything is all fun and games. Or more like, some fun and games got us pretty close to calling it quits. On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we share 9 Things that almost made us break up. Spoiler alert - those 9 things have nothing on us. We’re still together.
- Cera read a Hollocaust book while Matthew read a comedy book
- Packing for Burning Man
- Packing for a move Africa
- One week of silent treatment
- “Your father is being an a**hole”
- Cera felt abandoned and neglected on a holiday trip to meet Matthew’s friends and family
- Matthew driving too close to the wall… Cera claims he’s a reckless driver
- Matthew got out of the car on the way to a brunch party - and went to the movies by himself
- Cera had to eat too much white people’s food when she moved in
ABOUT US
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
When we started dating, we were “forced” into waiting to have sex. Cera and I were so hot for each other, but her best friend bet her she coudln’t wait until the end of the month to have sex. Matthew wanted her to win the bet - so we waited.
In our Sex and Wine episode, we discuss:
- Benefits of waiting a bit to have sex after dating
- Consent for a kiss
- Meaningful sex
- Sex getting better when you know each other deeply
- How to have great sex the first time
- Empowering men to wait
- Rechanneling sexual energy so you’re not a slave to sexual desire
- What does it mean if you don’t have much sex in your relationship
- Sex and intimacy? How are they the same? How are they different?
- How our families talked to us (or didn’t) about sex.
Share your thoughts and questions via info.itsnotall@gmail.com. Also join our Facebook group, 'Interracial Couples' https://web.facebook.com/groups/524882004837350/ABOUT US
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
What is your dealbreaker?
After the recent episode of The Red Table Talks, where Jada and Will Smith opened up about the former’s ‘entanglement with August’, we decided to revisit a discussion we’d had earlier in our relationship about deal breakers. What would make one of us to call it quits?
Would it be an affair? An “entanglement”? HIV infection? Bankruptcy? Or one having to move abroad?
What does it mean when a certain thing is a deal breaker for one half of the couple, and a non-issue for the other?
ABOUT US
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
How do you feel when you see a perfect couple lost in PDA at the park? Is it jealousy? Do you believe that the perfect couple is really perfect?
In this episode of the It's Not All Black & White podcast, we discuss PDA, making public our fights, and who we keep up appearances for as a couple and who we don't mind sharing our struggles with.
How do all these things affect our relationship?
BIOS
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb . com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products
After living together and being in a committed relationship, the questions inevitably start coming: When are you getting married? When are you having kids? Conventional wisdom says that marriage and kids are an important step in the life of a loving, committed couple. But it’s always good to question conventional wisdom. Is it really wise? Does the convention work anymore?
We have the added complication of Cera’s Kikuyu tradition of the groom paying dowry for his bride. Sounds a little old fashioned. And it is. So, we have to consider - will we do it, will we reject it, or will we transform the tradition into something new.
This week, we talk about:
- When we are going to get married?
- Why is marriage important?
- Why aren’t we married
- If and when we do, will we have a traditional Kikuyu or Kenyan wedding, a Christian wedding, a Jewish wedding or a secular one? (for a peek of a traditional kikuyu wedding https://youtu.be/2A-QRiRJ51E)
ABOUT US
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
We moved out of our home in Kenya to come back to America on an American Repatriation flight in the era of COVID-19.
Day 1 back in Northern California, Cera learned how to weed whack - then woke up at night to a tick biting her thigh. She squeezed and killed it and woke up Matthew, who claimed that the tick was already dead. He did not believe that she had actually been bitten by a live tick. So the arguments started.
When we argue - we always both think we’re right. We BOTH have experiences and simply saw it differently. And we ALWAYS think our own experiences are the right ones and our partner just experienced it wrong!
In this case, we’ll never know who was truly right - but we both are 100% sure we are each right and the other is wrong.
ABOUT US
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
Are you on TikTok? This interracial couple is.And we decided to do the #coupleschallenge.
We waded into the dangerous waters of “who is the better kisser?” “who says sorry first?” “who is the better dresser?” etc.
We revealed our answers to each other on this week’s podcast. Some answers were obvious and unanimous - other answers were somewhere between surprising and infuriating. Turns out that our diversity is more than skin deep. We have great diversity in our viewpoints and understanding of events in our relationship.
If you choose to try it, do so at your own risk! Here are the questions:
1. Who has the cutest smile?
2. Who knows the other pone better?
3. Who says sorry first?
4. Who is the best cook?
5. Who is the better half?
6. Who is dresses better?
7. Who dresses the other?
8. Who takes forever to get out of the house?
9. Who spends the most money?
10. Who gives the best massages?
11. Who is the bigger baby?
12. Who was interested in the other one first?
13. Who is more likely to leave the gym first?
14. Who smells best?
15. Who is the best kisser?
16. Who loves the other one most?
17. Who is the social butterfly?
18. Who is less talented?
19. Who is the worst back seat driver?
20. Who is more jealous?
21. Who lies more?
22. Who can't wait for marriage and kids?
Drop your TikTok ID in the comments section so we can see how well y'all know each other.
Many people who follow the relationship guidance and advice of the Hollis’ felt duped when, after years of selling events and guidance on marriage, they announced they are getting divorced.
This brought up a lot of questions for us - is it possible to feel like you are in the right marriage/relationship, while at the same time feeling like it’s just not right any more? Can 2 different things be true at the same time? And when you are deep in question and discovery, even as a public figure, how can you share your honesty and vulnerability, while also honoring where you are.
As Brene Brown reminds us, “If we share our shame story with the wrong person, they can easily become one more piece of flying debris in an already dangerous storm.” Was the general public the “wrong person” for them?
Lastly, honesty may seem like sharing what’s on your mind, but if you’re processing it and working through something, if you speak it before you know it’s really true for you, are you then doing more harm than good? And is verbal diarrhea really honesty, or is taking the proper time more honest?
I want a safe haven for Black people. I’m tired of seeing black people senselessly murdered for the color of their skin. I’m tired of being discriminated against most everywhere I go.
In America, there is police brutality, racism, inequality - I could go on and on about the struggles and challenges facing African Americans.
Here in Africa, it’s not like black people catch a break. There is so much corruption and poverty - spearheaded by global greed and leaders more interested in lining their own pockets than lifting up their own people. Literally, I’m tired and frustrated seeing being a second class human - and seeing the endless brutality directed at blacks all over the world.
Time’s up! It’s time we black people get what we deserve together. Time to get corrupt and racist people out of positions of power. Time for us to get equality and dignity.
Why is it such a big deal for new couples to fart in front of each other? Is it embarrassment or shame? Is it inherent or cultural?
Cera and Matthew discuss when they finally felt comfortable farting around each other and what that meant for their relationship. And how being comfortable and accepting about their bodies and bodily functions impacts honesty and comfort far beyond the gross things that our bodies naturally do.
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
Cera woke up in the morning feeling overwhelmed. Since we are working from home, we have employees who show up at our house at 9 am, rain or shine, whether we feel like sharing our space or not. And now, we also have family staying here, too.
To compound the need for personal space, we had a few challenging days in our relationship. We were needing space in our relationship, too. But, with employees and family in our home office, we had to keep a professional attitude at all times - and keep from airing dirty laundry.
Please e-mail your thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
Cera kept insisting Matthew get his hair cut and picked out a barber- who turned out to be a total disaster. While Cera felt guilt and shame, Matthew relaxed and let the barber have her way with him.
It reminded us of all the times one person made a choice that had a negative impact on the other, and how we find ways to deal with guilt and shame, forgiveness and self forgiveness, and both taking responsibility.
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
And a big shout out to Feedspot for ranking us as a TOP INTERRACIAL PODCAST! We're on a mission to keep climbing that list by providing great stories and insights.
Enjoy this podcast on iTunes, Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts.
ABOUT CERA & MATTHEW
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-privileged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Cera and Matthew discuss the accidental phenomenon that their new friends that they have made together have been primarily other interracial couples. They discuss:
- Friends in early life for Cera and Matthew
- Making friends in 20s and 30s
- Non-diverse friendships growing up in racially homogenous places/communities
- Tinder racially profiled me
- White men dating black women
- Not long ago, we would have been illegal in Kenya AND the United States
- Aware of the fact that we are a minority as an interracial couple
- We are noticed, looked at, stared at, commented on when we go out
- In Kenya, meeting interracial couples wasn’t intnetional, but who our friends are
- Sharing unspoken, common experiences
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
Enjoy this podcast on iTunes, Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts.
MATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day he could write one that he could sell or produce. That script became his first film, “Senses of Place,” which went on to win awards on the film festival circuit and was distributed by FilmBuff.
Matthew then moved to Hollywood where he eventually made nine feature films, eight documentaries, and worked with actors Carrie-Anne Moss, Zac Efron, Edi Gathegi, Melora Hardin and many more. He worked with producers Kevin Costner, Bill Borden – Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola and Oscar-nominated director Mike Johnson. He has even shared the screen with Josh Brolin, Neil Patrick Harris, Kane Hodder, Naveen Andrews, and many more.
Last year, he released the documentary film, “Hardball: The Girls of Summer.” Currently, he lives between California and East Africa, writing and developing new projects, while consulting on film and TV projects.
Visit his website to see his work – or check him out on IMDb.com
CERA graduated from UCLA with a degree in International Development and Entrepreneurship in 2018, after living in Los Angeles for eight years.
She grew up in rural Kenya and at the age of nine, she lost her childhood home to civil war. That forced her to move to a Nairobi ghetto, where she experienced a different kind of poverty.
This experience shaped her mission. She returned to Kenya to start Ecodunia, a social enterprise that makes a difference in the lives of the poor by creating work opportunities and educating girls from under-priviledged communities. Ecodunia is not only driven by profit, but with a mission to lift people out of generational poverty, while making beautiful, useful and sustainable products.
This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew discuss how a big move from California to Africa impacted their relationship.
- Excitement of moving and taking on a new adventure
- Stress of packing up a life and moving, moving stress
- A big life change together can be akin to getting married, even if you’re not
- Moving to a new place together can bring you closer or tear you apart
- Moving abroad
- Major compromises
- Choosing the compromise instead of settling for compromise
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
Enjoy this podcast on iTunes, Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts.
This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew follow up on their conversation on the way back from running the Mt. Kilimanjaro Half Marathon, from Tanzania back to Kenya. In torrential rain and in the dark, Cera took the opportunity to drive home and improve her skills in an area where she has less experience, while Matthew had the challenge of staying calm.
They talk about:
- How they use their strengths to benefit the relationship and support the other in their weaker areas.
- Cera usually takes charge when getting around Kenya and all things Swahili. Matthew usually drives. Matthew does more of the cooking, Cera does more of the cleaning.
- Gaining confidence by doing - from the book The Confidence Code.
- How married couples have the benefit of each doing what they do best for the benefit of the whole.
- They find the balance between doing what each does best, while supporting the other to improve in their weaker areas.
- Running a marathon toward the Kilimanjaro Summit.
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Cera and Matthew talk about what causes stress and ways to relieve it. Stress plays in our relationship - and it seems like there’s no way to avoid it in the craziness of life. So, the ways to deal with it, and put pride aside in challenging moments is key.
Other topics we discuss
- Trying to do too much in a day
- Information overload
- The weight of pursuing your life’s purpose
- Dumping on each other in stressful times.
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Matthew and Cera look at the top 7 challenges many interracial couples face. Sometimes, we don’t even recognize the problems and challenges, so we looked to see what other interracial couples struggle with - to see if there was something impacting us that we didn’t even know about.
Some of these affect us for sure. Others, not so much.
- Different expectations and assumptions. By the time we’re 7 years old, we already have many ingrained beliefs from our family and culture
- Different way of communicating - different nuances of words or interpretations
- Family disapproval
- Social judgement (even when positive)
- Greater need for compromise due to different social norms
- “Us against the world” can lead to enmeshment and lack of boundaries
- Shy away from “hot topics” - i.e. racism
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
This week on It’s Not All Black & White - The Interracial Podcast (http://www.itsnotall.com) we talk about Matthew’s brilliant idea to film cops taking bribes and then getting hauled to the police station for questioning and interrogation.
We were on our way to pay tuition for a young girl whose parents couldn’t afford school fees as part of Ecodunia’s mission to create sustainable community and educate rural girls in Kenya. Our bus driver was pulled over and paid a bribe to corrupt cops. It’s business as usual here in Kenya - but corruption is one of the major roadblocks that keeps Kenya from moving forward.
Filming punched our tickets to the police station, a meeting with the police chief, and a tense stand-off that ended with a sermon. Turns out being a white man comes with privilege, even in rural Kenya. The police chief didn’t see the upside in keeping us behind bars.
In the end, it felt good to take a stand for what we believe in.
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
This week on It’s Not All Black and White (http://www.itsnotall.com), Matthew and Cera discuss the decision to not heed the 48 hour notice given by the State Department to leave Kenya or stay indefinitely due to Corona virus travel restrictions.
Can we be careful without panicking? Can we be astute without worry? Can we be responsible, level-headed, and compassionate for people who are economically disadvantaged as well as those whose health is at risk?
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew talk about their different food culture. Cera’s Kenyan upbringing, traditional African cuisine, and the cultural expectation that she would need to cook to get a good husband. Matthew’s American food up-bring was very different - American food, a Jewish mother and two parents who both cooked.
So much of identity is wrapped in food and what we eat - and when two people with very different food cultures come together, it takes compromise and sometimes an adventurous spirit.
This week, we discuss:
- Intermediate fasting
- Is breakfast the most important meal?
- Tradition and culture around food
- African cuisine
- Food and identity
- Eating out and sharing entrees
- Cera’s fear of poached eggs
- Cooking for your partner
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
Cera’s company, Ecodunia, makes sustainable, fairtrade products in Kenya, Africa - cotton bags, leather wallets, and fish leather wallets. She produces them to export to the USA.
On the weekend before shipping overseas, we had a house full of products that needed to be folded, packaged, and boxed. The amount of work to get it ready, with a tight deadline, made the situation in our house ripe for anger, frustration and burnout. Even talking about it on the podcast, we rekindled and revisited some of that anger and frustration.
This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew talk about dealing with the conflict.
- Failures in communication
- Couple arguing and fighting when they actually want the same thing
- Fighting for the “benefit” of each other and our relationship.
- Knowing the other one is right but not wanting to admit it.
- How to win when you lose an argument.
- Not taking the anger into the next day
- Being authentic, not being resentful
- Taking care of yourself to take care of your partner
- Solving the problem after the emotions have passed
- How Michael A. Singer’s “The Untethered Soul” saved us from a fight
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew talk about couples excercising for healthy body and a healthy relationship. Early in our relationship, we started running together even though Matthew had never run before. We hiked together and then got a gym membership together. We discuss:
- Running and working out together
- Family holiday running challenge - to keep the eating guilt down and the motivation up.
- Cera hits the gym to do what most women don’t want to do - gain weight
- Putting on 10 lbs of muscle
- Matthew hits the trail for marathon training
- Running 10k, 15k, 20k plus
- Getting ready for Mt. Kilimanjaro Marathon in Tanzania
- Running toward the Kilimanjaro Summit
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
On our third anniversary, Cera & Matthew talk about re-upping their subscription for another year. How they spent their anniversary day and set time to talk about what they love about each other, what they’re grateful for, what the other would like them to work on, and what one thing they themselves want to improve in the relationship for the coming year.
Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com
How race and nationality affect travel.
Matthew & Cera talk about traveling in the US, Europe and Africa as an interracial couple. They discuss how the power of some passports (USA) make travel easier, while others (Kenya) create roadblocks and challenges.
Email us at info.itsnotall@gmail.com
In this first episode, Cera and Matthew discuss how some words and expressions mean different things to different people, across race, language and culture. How we align our dreams and work together toward common goals.
Get in touch at info.itsnotall@gmail.com