The Relentless Heart Podcast: Recent Episodes
Michael Chriswell
Fight the good fight, finish the race, keep the faith. - 2 Tim 4:7
My name is Michael Chriswell. If your life as a Christian hasn’t turned out like you expected, this podcast is for you. If you have ever experienced the sting of shattered dreams and sin failures. if your Christianity is powerless and frustrated, but you still have a burning desire to find God's help and to know Him better, this podcast is for you.
Discovering that it has been 40 months to the day from the day I met Laura on August 31st, 2012 to the day of my next and most significant recording to Persis on December 30th, 2015
What happens 14 days later is just astonishing to think about
The Lord did what He Promised...He put a new song in my mouth a hymn of praise to our God and many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord
THE FINAL COMMENTARY with AMAZING DATE FACTS about Persis and I
Another message I made to Persis about testing, darkness, and loneliness
The most eerily prophetic words in these recordings yet regarding God taking away a beloved spouse after a year
Another short message to Persis to warn her of coming darkness after the mountain top experience
I started laughing outloud while reading Romans 5:3-5 because of how true the words are in my life now
Totally Amazed as I read over some of my favorite Scriptures that I "anchored" in and I see that they have now become my REALITY
The Lord shows me that Jotham grew powerful because he walked steadfastly before the Lord
Working for God is not the same as spending time with God
The Lord showed me Isaiah 35:3 as a word for a brother named Jesse before Jesse even contacted me with a problem
A message to Persis about finding fullness in Christ and the suffering we have to go through to receive it
Message to Persis about contentment in Christ and God granting her the desires of her heart in a husband if it is His will for her
Eerily Prophetic words and warnings from me to Persis in light of what is going to happen to her in the future
The story about when God told me, "You have no idea the cost if you quit."
Reflecting on how important waiting patiently on God is when you have a promise from Him and how important it is to NEVER give up
The overlooked blessings of dying to yourself and taking up your cross and denying yourself
I wanted to go to see the new Star Wars movie to honor my son Tyler and then had to cancel when God opened my eyes to his jealousy of the things in the world like this
I have a terrible dream about a sheep being eaten by a wolf
My reply to Persis about the shocking things I saw in a documentary called India's daughter and some of her answers to my questions about India
Explaining to Persis that things are going to get worse in America and the Bible says so
I'm jealous that Persis is going to get to go to one of Zac Poonen's churches
It has now been seven years that the Lord has been using numbers to lead me to Bible verses to give me guidance and promises
My contemporary life and walk with Jesus looks almost exactly like that of those in the Bible who were led by the principles and will of God
A list of all the promises God has given to me so far
An amazing email from Persis and the first time God begins to directly connect 212 to her, even though I still have NO IDEA what God is up to
Capturing that my FULLNESS of Joy has returned
Praise is a secret to be Joyful
Even when you mess up, God is right there waiting for us to repent and come to His mercy
I wanting to see the children for Christmas and wanting to speak to my ex-wife about it and the Lord shows me again to stay put and in step with the Spirit (Gal 5:25)
Answering the question..."How do I know that I've heard from God correctly about my children?"
More fighting the good fight for my children and reasoning through all the good reasons the Lord has separated us and kept me from going back to court to make it happen
God is teaching me that it is only His approval of my work that matters, not that of others
The approval of God is not determined by large numbers and I still have less than 200 subscribers on YouTube
God brings a season to end with a younger sister I had been discipling for some time but she takes it as rejection
God shows me the 733 Job promise again telling me He is about to bless me
Why I don't pray for the Lord to remove suffering from my children's life
My 2nd recording to Persis where I tell her about Zac Poonen and CFC India, my waiting for Laura, and my encouragement for her to wait for God's best in her life
More about waiting on Laura and my commitment NOT to get ahead of God but to keep waiting for God to act in my behalf
My mother thinks God can't bring Laura into my wife until He first changes my finances, but I have lots of historical evidence that isn't true
My 3rd message to Persis answering questions about having a work life and spiritual life balance with Biblical principles and insights learned from personal experience
All secular work can be made spiritual by bringing God in the heart into the work
Prayer for Persis
I begin to walk in faith towards God's forgiveness and the Joy begins to return after only a few days after I violated my conscience
This has been a great reminder that we will remain in God's love only IF..IF..IF we abide in Him by obeying His commands
Our disobedience not only affects us, but it robs God's of all his glory and pleasure that comes to Him when we are in harmony with Him
The Joy has fully returned by Dec 3rd after a few days of suffering
The fears of losing God's precious presence forever have turned out to be LIES from my own mind, if not from Satan
Another prophetic mentioning of "moving to India"
In full surrender to God, you will suffer indeed for a time, but the suffering only lasts for a short time, the character lasts a lifetime
The poem of dialogue between God and one of His servants about the servants fear of surrendering
My very first recording to Persis, the woman I have no idea God has already chosen to be my wife
Another wonderful divine encounter on the trail with a minister from Korea who was having troubles
A gorgeous morning sun rising with a timely reminder of Isaiah 60:1 "Arise and shine your light has come"
An incredible testimony from a subscriber comes in right after confirming God speaking to me Isaiah 60:1
God leads me to page 733 Job 8:5-7 and gives me another promise that my future will be so bright that my beginnings will seem humble
Another Satanic attack in my dreams about the woman who had attacked me years earlier
God shows me in series all the numbers pointing to Scriptures about His promise to give me a wife and I feel certain that she is coming soon
I'm not willing to compromise my message to make it more comfortable for my mother's Bible study group
THE JOY OF GOD IS GONE AFTER I STUMBLE INTO A SIN AND VIOLATE MY CONSCIENCE
The Holy Spirit speaks to me and tells me "Go home and tell how much God has done for you." Luke 8:39
The Father shows me to show people the result "Life to the full", what He has done in my life, before I call them to obedience in Christ
Satan comes with a huge and almost lethal attack at night in my dreams to try to stop me from declaring the fullness I have received in Christ
God blesses me with wonderful confirmation to keep going in prayer after the attack and shows me a wonderful Andrew Murray principle about God giving you something to desire so you find Him in the process, just days after I recorded the very idea
Another AMAZING teaching from Andrew Murray in his book Waiting on God, which explains the greatest reason God "gave" me Laura to desire
Several more insights into the strategies of Satan working against my testimony and work
My defense against those who say it is wrong to call God "Daddy"
The devil is fighting me like hell to keep me from testifying to receiving life to the full and freedom from sin
Here comes the devil with his hellish attacks at night in the face of having the greatest joy I've ever had and putting up the two messages about escaping sexual sin
The volcano of Joy is still erupting in my heart for two weeks now
This joy in my heart has got to be the Promised Land the Lord has been promising me...a deeper filling of the Holy Spirit
What I am experiencing is a Holy and Heavenly REST...this is true Sabbath Rest
Realizing that there is a power coming in all of my messages that is clearly NOT from me, but only from the Holy Spirit of God
I am the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. If this is delusion, I have to bottle this and sell it to everyone
Commentary: "I'm finally ready" and what is going to happen in 14 days from the day I said that
The Lord shows me another promise Deut 28:8 that He will bless the work of my hands
An incredible encounter with a 22 year old Autistic boy at Starbucks
An illustration that breaks self-pity in the hearts of those hurting
An inexpressible glorious joy has come upon me that is just indescribable as I'm filled to overflowing with the Holy Spirit
I can now say I have found Hudson Taylor's spiritual secret
My old life proves that the man who loves money pierces himself with all kinds of grief
I am experiencing Psalm 66:12 now!
Many important insights about the joy I have now, laughing at all the destruction and reflecting on all the good reasons Father has made me wait for EVERYTHING
A spiritual attack comes after helping a young sister get out of bondage and all that I taught her on demonic attack was inaudible in the recording and then I have a dream about a woman
A message to a lady who sent me a check that I doubt was given by God, but by her emotions after I openly shared something with her in a recording
Realizing, regarding my work for the Lord, that there is still a part of me that desires my will more than God's
Father really is teaching me to work like Jesus in John 5:19, to only do what the Father asks me to do
Humor time: My reading of some choice Proverbs in an English accent
The idea for a future project called "The School of Suffering" (Incidentally, I have started this project but it has taken me 4 years to finish the other work Father gave me to finish first)
The India documentary called "Blood Brother" that blessed me so much with a picture of how Father wants me to help others as "children" and "orphans"
Amazed by the compassion Father has given me for those who have really messed up their lives
God is giving me such clarity in my ministry about who I'm to help and how
Finding the books Streams in the Desert in a box after 10 years and how God used it the day I found it for such wonderful confirmation about the work He has been doing in me
While praying for a brother in crisis named Jesse, the Lord interrupts my prayer and gives me a specific word for him, which He confirms was exactly what he needed to see
It becomes clear that God is answering my prayers to give me "Bread from heaven" to give to his hungry hurting children
A lady working in a bar and trying to find life to the full in Christ shares what I'm teaching her with some of her customers at the bar
After fourth months of waiting on God He gives me solid confirmation that I am to sell the John 7:17 Challenge book to help provide for myself
A recording of reflections on my faith journey on the 6th Anniversary of my full surrender to God
The "words of faith" that corrupted my heart back in 2001 that caused me to make one of the most expensive and devastating decisions I have ever made
How I wish I would have had someone wise to teach me the importance of learning to wait on God
It is shocking and humiliating to look back and see how much God had to do to break me
Realizing this is the 1st day of the 7th year of my full surrender to Christ and perhaps the Lord is going to give me rest and promises fulfilled in this next year
I feel so drawn to the spiritually humble, broken and the lowly in the world, just as Father is
A story of extreme suffering that the Lord leads me to minister to
Reflecting on the amazing grace God has given me to live for so long not having any money
God continues to bless me and keep me encouraged to persevere and to wait for Him to act
PART 5
A recording of reflections on my faith journey on the 6th Anniversary of my full surrender to God
The "words of faith" that corrupted my heart back in 2001 that caused me to make one of the most expensive and devastating decisions I have ever made
How I wish I would have had someone wise to teach me the importance of learning to wait on God
It is shocking and humiliating to look back and see how much God had to do to break me
Realizing this is the 1st day of the 7th year of my full surrender to Christ and perhaps the Lord is going to give me rest and promises fulfilled in this next year
I feel so drawn to the spiritually humble, broken and the lowly in the world, just as Father is
Stopping short of sending a long message to this woman when the Spirit tells me to stay put and I realize that my motives are to solicit a response from her about her perceived interest in me
Revelations about the temptations I'm facing in the face of my desire for a godly wife and the long wait for her
I have been like Jacob, "the grabber" my whole life, just going after and grabbing all that I wanted
Another disgusting devil shows up in my heart...the devil of jealousy when I learn that a young woman I've been discipling is being spoken to by God with numbers the same way that I am...it was shocking
If we covet the grace in someone else's life we must also be willing to covet the price they paid to receive that grace
I have another divine encounter and prayer with Bill, the wealthy man on the hill, who told me years earlier he didn't know if it was God who blessed his life or the devil
The Lord blesses me so much to see my mother humbly receive a strong rebuke from me and she admits in the Bible study
A timely strike from Satan through my former best friend Corvin
The Lord shows me to let him go and no longer try to pursue a relationship with him
The incredible moment I turned around and saw Laura on television which keeps me from giving into the temptation of pursuing that other Christian sister
God confirms through a timely Andrew Murray teaching that God reveals deep truths unto babes, not the wise and learned
My contentment continues to grow as I wait for God
I see 919 (Num 9:19) four times in 18 hours but I don't yet know what the Lord is telling me to stay put on
A strong temptation comes on me to move back into doing ministry videos even though the Lord hasn't given me permission to do so yet
That hellish temptation comes upon me again to exalt myself "I already knew that"
I still have the capacity to think and do evil, but because of the Spirit of Christ I do not have to give voice to my sinful nature
Choosing to intentionally put down the sinful nature and walk according to the Spirit
My mother calls me and tells me about the most profound words she has ever heard before, which turn out to be words I wrote by the Spirit of Christ in John 7:17 Challenge
The Saint must walk alone by A.W. Tozer
More temptation comes to me when I meet another sister who truly loves Jesus Christ like I do
Commentary: NOT choosing by what we see with our eyes or ears, but by the Lord's guidance
Realizing I'm being tempted so easily in the area of women because NOTHING else is going in my life right now and I'm growing desperate for something to work
The hardest test I've had so far seems to be where God is telling me NOT to minister but instead to keep memorizing Scripture
Realizing that God is likely starting to slowly change the desire of my heart away from Laura, just like what Charles Stanley taught in God acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him Part 1
A debate with my mother about Christian Zionism
God shows me He is proud of me after I stood strongly for the truth in our debate
Reflecting on the fact that because I am so weak, I have asked the Lord hundreds of times to help me to see my life and things in this life from His perspective
It is so easy to fall into the trap of leaning on our own human understanding regarding the situations we face in life
Thoughts on my recent full Bible study on the subject of "Eternal Security" or Once Saved Always Saved
Strong temptation to think back and desire my "old" life after receiving an email from my friend, John Morgan, the President George Bush impersonator, who is now financially prospering after I referred him to Get Motivated seminars, the very opportunity I rejected.
Talking to the Lord about my feelings and telling him I have no regrets about the choice I made
The Pope came to Congress and preached a message in the spirit of Antichrist
Many revelations about the flesh, our spirit, and the Holy Spirit in the word of God
What the Bible actually teaches about our sin nature and our ability to live free from sin in Jesus Christ
A personal example that helps me to see the difference between my flesh and the Spirit
We can forget that we have a second godly nature...that of Jesus Christ which can help us to actually live like Him in those difficult moments
Perseverance brings spiritual maturity a leveling out of your heart and walk with the Lord
I see a spiritual stability filling my heart more and more after all this suffering
Realizing that there is something immature about my exclamations after a big blessing of God
Realizing there needs to be more sobriety in my temperament and more calm so I'm less susceptible to the emotional part of my life
An incredible instance of how much work God has done in my heart shows itself as I accidentally pull into a certain neighborhood that I so badly wanted to live in years ago
How amazing it is that God has strengthened to me to be able to stand in any circumstances
By waiting on God, you enter into relationship with God
Revelations about walking in the light or walking in the darkness
Another bad dream about Laura
My simple faith and joy is still missing and has been for months
Another temptation by a beautiful woman on the trail
I'm feeling sick of all this temptation that I'm now facing with women
Incredibly timed verses and encouragement in the face of temptation
Revelations on the temptation of Jesus
Incredible confirmation from Madame Guyon's story about why God has felt distant from me for several months
A review of my previous journal entries brings such an unexpected joy in my heart as I recall just how far God has brought me over these years
I finally feel the sweetness of the Lord return to me on September 21st 2015
A remarkable pray of faith to the Father for the grace to be able to experience fullness in both my relationship with Him and with my wife
A very encouraging dream about seeing my children
A terrible temptation and fear comes back to me about trying to take matters into my own hands legally in order to get my children back
Great encouragement as I read about Andrew Murray's wife writing about His lifetime thorn in the flesh, his physical weakness
I'm so encouraged by reflecting on how many of the Lord's choice servants all had some terrible weakness in their body they struggled with
A time of terrible darkness comes like a spiritual "panic attack" after realizing how many "men of God" have come to so many different conclusions on important subjects in the Bible...it left me confused and frustrated
After crying out to the Lord about this, His answer to me is "Finish the Work"
Another terrible moment of doubt comes and the Lord shows me all the faith promises I need to remember
Lessons from when God pruned Andrew Murray
Capturing another moment when I'm doing something difficult and the Lord shows me He is proud of me
I sense a seriousness coming more and more into my life and letting go of sarcasm with my friends
My mother opens another door to a big temptation with the opposite sex after I had just professed my faith boldly to wait for Laura earlier that morning
The Lord gives me more wonderful insights about my weakness, suffering and temptations
Realizing I have had a deep fear about being seen as weak and a strong desire to be seen as strong, for fear of how it will affect my testimony for the Lord if I'm seen as weak
I make a message for a Charismatic friend of mine's wife, where I discern something is wrong in her heart with God during prayer for her, but the Spirit stops me from sending it
I haven't felt "faithish" in many months and I think the Lord is doing a deeper work in me to walk even more by faith without feelings
God uses several numbers again pointing to promises that really encourage me when I needed it, in order to keep going
The Lord has gone out of His way today to make it known to me that He loves me and He is proud of me, knowing I needed the encouragement
I have now memorized all 31 categories of the teaching of Jesus Christ...I'm amazed and encouraged at my progress
I'm again really missing my children
Realizing my habit of going to the Lord daily in my weakness to receive the grace I need for the day, each day
Revelation on "Fighting the good fight of faith"
My mother steps into hypocrisy right after our Bible study and even though it really frustrates me, the Lord prevents me from confronting her and teaches me a lesson about patience with others
More insights about the need to walk according to the Spirit and not just by picking a Bible verse
Several wonderful revelations about "self promotion" in my ministry
Discerning the false Catholic church not by arguing historical "facts" but by simply observing all of its rotten fruit in accordance with Jesus' teaching in Mat 12:33-35
People in America have truly heard "too much truth" such that they are now immune to it
The man who is living in the dark, does not favor much the man who wants to drag him into the light
Another bad dream and night time paralysis episode after testifying to a young woman about spiritual warfare
Another terrible dream this time about my children who are not excited to see me at all when I show up and meet them at the beach
Waiting for Laura three years later to the day
Deconstructing an intense episode of Temptation
Find myself weeping and grieving and feeling so fearful for sinners in the face of God's coming judgment
More temptation comes for me to introduce myself to that attractive neighbor when I see her outside
Having told the Lord I can remain single for the rest of my life it becomes clear that Father thinks it would be better for me to be married
Realizing that even good learning (like what I've been doing about America's "Christian" history) can cause you to lose your peace and the presence of God while doing it
The Lord stops me from moving forward on a clever Gospel tract I had created
A moment of sexual temptation is allowed to test me and I pass with God's help
God shows me literal signs of the cross on my walks and moves on my heart the importance of preaching the cross as part of the Gospel and my teaching
Whereas once I had such confidence to preach God's word, I now feel I have no confidence whatsoever after God has opened my eyes more and more to my own weakness
A scary illustration that I pose could play out at the Judgment Seat of Christ where Jesus asks you to prove you were his follower by asking this question
Father continues to teach me to obey and to do so right away rather than following my own stubborn inclinations in my heart
Still waking up every morning feeling darkness and weak in my faith
I sense God is teaching me to learn to have strong faith without feeling any of it and getting me to a place where even if nothing good happens in my circumstances I still have hope for heaven
Finally after about two weeks of darkness, light has come again into my heart
Telling the Lord that more than I want anything, I want humility and realizing what a miracle it is that I even desire that
Several deep insights about pride and humility
Living like a true Christian is the hardest journey on the planet
Learning to minister only in accordance with God's will and not simply doing "good works" for God has been one of the most difficult lessons to learn
Reflecting on how much failure I've had in my ministry in the last few weeks...everything I have touched is failing
I have run out of "me" as I realize I cannot help anyone without depending on God in prayer
Seeing progress where I allowed someone else to take credit for something I said without mentioning it
Realizing Jesus teaching of "taking the lowest" place applies to so many areas of life, not just a banquet
The longest passage of Scripture I've memorized so far
More sinus health issues flair up preventing me from being able to work
I've been waking up each morning feel dark and weary in the face of such long waiting
The amazing experience of capturing how many times God has shown me a number which points to a Scripture promise that I so badly needed to hear. I could not have made it this far without His help like this
In the face of a very strong desire to have a church family, I find a local church the Lord tells me again STAY FOCUSED on the work and keep memorizing the Scriptures
The pain of having to stay focused on something that I am so absolutely weak in
I find that I am really struggling in my faith again...feeling down
Two sisters I have been trying to disciple are not listening and they become huge distractions to me and I reason Biblically to leave them alone and move on
Having to really persevere to the promises God has for me
The shocking news of finding out the man I offered to move into my house eventually turned away from the faith because He was looking at a New Covenant God through the Old Covenant lens
Wondering how many Christians miss out on God's best for their life because they give up and don't persevere
Shocking revelations the Lord was giving me about America
Insights on how to better respond to conflict I have had with a Christian sister at Starbucks about her being unequally yoked in her relationship
The 3 types of believers and the only type God can use by Zac Poonen
My prayer that Father will help me to be more like Jesus such that I only do that which I see Him doing
Questioning the Lord why am I still in debt even though I'm obeying him so much and even though His word commands that we not remain in debt
I ask the Lord if I'm supposed to move back into doing videos and he shows me a 919 sign in the middle of the night
Realizing more and more just how FEW people are truly willing to follow Christ because it is so COSTLY to carry a cross
Several current examples of people struggling in suffering or being deceived because they do not trust God
Judging myself and my walk with God based on the fruit
The highest work a Christian can do is the exact thing Father asks them to do, not some greater looking work on their own
I can see the good purpose now of God allowing me to accidentally delete my Story video from YouTube as He continues to hold me back in order to refine me
A scary warning to my parents about the Lord showing me something bad is going to happen to America and we need to be individually prepared for it
My spirit is becoming more and more sensitive and I find myself feeling very worldly even after watching America's Got Talent
I wake up at 4 am with insights about our responsibility to purify ourselves which contradicts the lie that "Jesus did it all"
Shattered Magazine essentially "White washes" my very first magazine article and I decided I am not willing to write for the magazine any longer
The Lord confirms for me with another Zac Poonen teaching about Jeremiah the prophet, that I am on the right path and He is proud of me for not compromising
An idea to re-write some Scriptures according to what people "read" in them vs. what they actually say
Incredible encounter with a homeless man who had once won an emmy award for his work in LA with the TV show Access Hollywood
An amazing financial provision comes in right after I borrowed $100 from my mother to help the homeless man get his car out of impound
More good news from the homeless man as he checks himself into a full detox program
The patience and contentment in my heart just continues to grow in all areas, my ministry, Laura, my children
I told the Lord for the first time that I'm so content that I no longer need Laura because He has made me so content
Thoughts on giving away my book for free after being influenced by Zac Poonen's position on the matter
After prayer I hear a couple of Charismatics talking about running their ministries like a business and it makes me absolutely sick in my spirit
After listening to a Zac Poonen message an avalanche of doubt comes to me about seeing the numbers as part of God's guidance
A sister in Christ who works at Starbucks gets offended when I speak to her about being unequally yoked with her fiance
Insights from Zac Poonen about God helping you to choose your mate
I told the Lord that I can now just live the rest of my life single, but the Lord continues to encourage me to believe for her
A powerful prayer of "Give her to me Father in accordance with your promise" so you will be glorified
I break out laughing reading a book by Zac as I see the four tests of Job from Satan are identical to the tests I have faced
The lie that the deeper and higher Christian life is only for a few "special" Christians
More agony and crying out to God as I continue to try to memorize the teachings of Jesus Christ
I feel like God is trying to show in heaven what he can do with an idiot since He is not letting me out of this
The idea comes to me to create a private online Christian fellowship area and God shuts me down immediately
As of June 24th, 2015 I had only 98 subscribers on YouTube...(92,000 as of July 18, 2020)
A very weird and very disappointing encounter with the youth pastor from Church of the Highlands one of the fastest growing non-denominational churches in the country
My response to all the videos going around on YouTube saying the world is going to end, or the rapture is going to happen on September 23rd 2015
God confirms to me that I've heard correctly and shows me the 522 again after prayer
The stages of a promise by A.W. Tozer
The moment I realized it has been years since I've even had the money to go to dinner and how I've been content for so long in my poverty
Commentary: Streams Devotional "Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?"
I see 666 twice and 377
Commentary: The woman I mention in the next recording is the woman who ends up murdering her own two children and killing herself
I then have a strong dark day of temptation to meet the single lady at the end of our street after driving by and seeing her outside
Waiting for God's promises can be so very difficult
I think God is trying to prove through my life that He still acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him
Knowing how easy it would be for me to "fall out of faith" in waiting for God's promise, it makes me mad that people believe the lie that you can "never fall away from grace/salvation"
I've woken up the last two mornings at 4:22 am which encourages me to think on Deu 4:22
A very timely and funny moment about Job receiving "double" for his trouble after he prays for his friends
Reflections on the 5th anniversary of Father's Day after losing my children to divorce
Realizing that people following my ministry do not yet know about all the suffering I have faced while going through the wilderness and into the promised land and thus they don't know about the incredible faithfulness of God to keep me through it all
The greatest evidence of God is His ability to keep our hearts in peace going through the worst tribulations
My sin as a Roy D. Mercer impersonator and the difference between lifestyle sin and stumbling into a sin
When we ask God for a lot, He asks us for a lot
Most "Christians" are participating in an activity called "Christianity" rather than dwelling in the person of CHRISTianity
After seeing first hand the devastating condition of the "body of Christ" right now, here is the one message I would preach to a stadium full of Christians if God gave me the opportunity to do so
God directs me to meet an older Asian man and I get to share the Gospel with him
Observations about the "need" to be humorous when I run into someone on the trail in that uncomfortable moment
A second time that "woman" comes over to try to talk to me in Starbucks
Reflections on how patient and merciful God has been to me in the face on not being able to finish the work as fast as I or He would like
Revelation about my simple walk of faith with the Lord, after having a conversation with a man who was trapped in the legalism of the Church of Christ
The insights of meeting a man who knows far more Scripture than me but doesn't know God like me and he admits that he doesn't have the necessary humility before God
My mother is growing and starting to recognize the lies of the woman she is in a Bible study with
The surprising similarities between false teaching and network marketing
Everything comes down to recognizing a tree by its fruit
The institution of the church is NOT the body of Christ which I why I left it and why she looks NOTHING like Jesus
People in the institution have a faith that is dependent upon a weekly sermon, rather than a moment by moment true faith in God by the Spirit
The incredible blessing and vindication of seeing my mother's eyes opened to the false faith and teaching among the women in her Bible study
The Facebook Challenge: 20 minutes reading Facebook timelines vs. Reading 20 minutes in the Bible in the book of John and marking how you feel during and after
See two instances of 666 followed by that same "woman" coming into Starbucks while I'm there again
An incredible answer to prayer for a 12 year old boy in CA about how to handle his father taking his mom to court to take him away from her
My heart has a very serious erratic heartbeat and it continues long enough to think I was actually going to die
Observations about the "need" to be humorous when I run into someone on the trail in that uncomfortable moment
A second time that "woman" comes over to try to talk to me in Starbucks
Reflections on how patient and merciful God has been to me in the face on not being able to finish the work as fast as I or He would like
Revelation about my simple walk of faith with the Lord, after having a conversation with a man who was trapped in the legalism of the Church of Christ
The insights of meeting a man who knows far more Scripture than me but doesn't know God like me and he admits that he doesn't have the necessary humility before God
My mother is growing and starting to recognize the lies of the woman she is in a Bible study with
The surprising similarities between false teaching and network marketing
Everything comes down to recognizing a tree by its fruit
The institution of the church is NOT the body of Christ which I why I left it and why she looks NOTHING like Jesus
People in the institution have a faith that is dependent upon a weekly sermon, rather than a moment by moment true faith in God by the Spirit
The incredible blessing and vindication of seeing my mother's eyes opened to the false faith and teaching among the women in her Bible study
The Facebook Challenge: 20 minutes reading Facebook timelines vs. Reading 20 minutes in the Bible in the book of John and marking how you feel during and after
See two instances of 666 followed by that same "woman" coming into Starbucks while I'm there again
An incredible answer to prayer for a 12 year old boy in CA about how to handle his father taking his mom to court to take him away from her
My heart has a very serious erratic heartbeat and it continues long enough to think I was actually going to die
God answers my prayer and confirms the promise to me from Job and it seems God is just determined to bless me
Satan ONCE AGAIN uses the woman who attacked me to bring an offense the VERY DAY I'm finishing the newest version of the book and RIGHT AFTER God gives me all those wonderful promises
By the evening I feel a total spiritual oppression hanging over me
How many times have I seen the incredible timing of Satan's attacks like this
Exactly what I do in response of these kind of spiritual attacks in order to get through them victoriously
Reflecting on how I got caught off guard by Satan again and how I ended up feeling so offended
A sinus health update where I describe the lethargy I feel regularly in my body
A powerful recorded moment by Dave Hunt, "Unity around a lie is not unity" and the argument "You are not being loving" because you correct someone
The Lord showing me Gen 6:22 and 2 Cor 8:11 followed by a 701, to make very clear I am to finish the work
I run into my ex-girlfriend Jill while looking for Laura at an outdoor concert venue
Another time of discouragement and the temptations to quit while I continue to wait so long for the promises
A new attempt by Satan through my mother and the "false prophet" who told me I was going to go to jail, to get me out of the will of God
Realizing the Lord is rebuking me because I've gotten out of the will of God moving on to another project before the Lord told me to do so
The shocking reality of realizing I've been subtly distracted away from focusing on the teachings of Christ
The Lord uses the number 1066 to point me to page 1066 in my Bible where I read with much timely encouragement Isaiah 40:28-31 to help me in my weariness
I'm at a new low, having not felt "faithish" for several months, almost like a spiritually depressed stated
Seeing that the Lord is answering my prayers for more humility
A meeting with a friend opens up a possible opportunity for me to meet the leadership in Charles Stanely's Intouch, but I'm reluctant because Charles and I do not believe the same about salvation
God shows me more and more just how weak I am apart from Him and I would really like to write a book one day showing how God supported me the entire way
I've wanted for so long to be perfect and I see how my motives were wrong and it would have led to pride
God gives me some wonderful encouragement and instruction to be sure to obey Him so He can bless me in the promised land to come
I will never share this recording until after Father does what He promised or people will think I'm nuts even more
Even now in such humble circumstances I know that God is at work in my life right now to bring about the promises
Men are so afraid to allow themselves to become nothing...it is so scary to surrender to that
In tears, I could never have made it this far without God speaking to me everyday
Reflecting on all those that rejected me as a young person...but God did not reject me because I was small and weak
It's so hard to be humble when your circumstances are so humble
My spirit has become so sensitive that I got so upset while trying to watch a movie with my parents and I had to leave
Thinking back on how often I wanted to get a job during this season in the wilderness
Realizing how weak I am and that I could have done any of this without God's help and how incredible it is for Father to have used numbers to point me to His words as guidance
I see a new number 2122, which leads to two passages that seem very important, but not sure which one
I see 666 twice in one day, which is a warning of serious attacks coming in the rest of the week
A huge technical challenge with printing out the draft of my newest version of the John 7:17 Challenge.
As I think about turning more recordings I've made for people into YouTube messages, God shows me back to back 919 and 525 in order to keep me put
My new sister in the Netherlands misunderstands something I said and she is deeply offended
A bizarre dream about visiting a heart doctor that ends up being a subtle attempt at weakening my faith again
The sister in Netherlands turns against me completely and says I'm a fake Christian not living what I preach
Reflecting on how Satan has been able to bring offense into many discipleship relationships I've had when we finally get to the "stronghold" issue in their life. Satan then separates them from me, the person telling them the truth, so they cannot get totally free
Indignation comes into me listening to A.W. Pink teach that any Christian who says he is not a Romans 7 Christian is a deceived Christian
Realizing that my dreams are even becoming sanctified, thanks be to God
A cute dream about my son Nathan and I riding our bikes together
Commentary explaining the third time I thought I was going to meet Laura and then I didn't
Another desperate moment in tears begging God to show me a sign to know if I'm still hearing Him correctly
A message to a friend about the very bizarre dream I had about winning a very exotic car and exotic dog and all I could think about was selling them so I could pay child support
An incredible moment where God seems to point me to Genesis 17:7 as a promise that also applies to me and then seemingly confirms it
A wonderful encounter and prayer with a young Jewish man on my prayer walk today
A thought I have: God chooses to use people, that choose to be used by God
"Without repentance there is no revival" - Rabbi Jonathan Cahn
On May 6th I accidentally deleted my story from YouTube at 1,355 views losing all likes and comments
A strong set of promises come right after I delete the video, but soon after I feel rebuked by the Lord
Struggling to discern what is going on...is this discipline, punishment, Satanic attack, or Pruning?
I become so sad through the humility of discovering just when I think you know something about the Father, I realize I don't know anything
Feeling led to take out the "Gospel" from my video because I don't want people to make the decision out of the emotions they feel with my
The Hilarious moment of relief when God shows me "212 Firmly Established" on page 466 of my MacArthur NASB Study Bible
The Dreadful Employee Review Story and Illustration
Father shows me 1010 4 times and I know something is coming
I become so sad again about my children and I'm missing them so much, but there are more and more lessons in this separation
I've been waiting for Laura for so long and now I'm being attacked in the area of women so badly for the last two weeks and the latest woman that shows me makes me just cry out of completely frustration
Insights from the stories of Mary and Elizabeth about how I'm in a state of disgrace with my children right now
After prayer about what specifically God wants me to do, He leads me to Deut 5:33
It becomes very clear that John Bevere is terribly deceived based on a testimony he gives about Benny Hinn
Church leaders are trying to manipulate the members into staying in the "church"
Isolation is a Biblical principle that is seen in the majority of the Bible favorite leaders lives
There is an evil spiritual principality behind Facebook that I can feel
Crying out to God again about my increasing frustrations and weakness in the area of attractive Christian sisters who are contacting me and pushing me to the edge of my faith for Laura
Fighting with everything I have and His strength to continue to suffer to wait for God to act in my behalf (Isaiah 64:4)
Answering my mom's question, "What if Laura marries someone else and ends up not being my wife?"
Many more insights and revelations about how Satan exploits our weaknesses, mine which is women
How dangerous our flesh is and how careful we must be not to give it any room to find comfort in its desires
Satan plays on my compassionate side but Father is showing me I cannot "love" others at the expense of loving God
The Devil's "Jesus" - Reflections on how people are drawn into false and counterfeit Christianity and how we can discern the false "Jesus"
A lady contacts me from Illinois telling me they are looking for a pastor for their church and wonder if I would be willing to consider it
God shows He is with me again in the smallest of ways with a book sale that saves my account from going into the negative
Demonic dream about a giant dog walking in my bed and then he tries to steal my breath
God shows me this happens because I took off my breast plate of righteousness
The sister I Skyped with in London turned on me and said some really unkind things to me in email which later begin to cause me doubts
My faith is under attack again...I'm having to really fight and keep going...by the grit of my teeth
Fighting by remembering all that God has done for me in the past
A pastor I like at Starbucks invites me to his church and the Lord confirms in a dream for me not to go
A very fiery message about the dangers and deceits of carnal Christianity
An eye opening revelation and message to my parents about how we are all doing our part to take care of and "feed" spiritual food to spiritual widows and orphans
Many Scriptures which show God thinks primarily spiritual, not physical
Using the book Humility by Andrew Murray God has shown me another area where I have disgusting pride and it is very humiliating
Breaking down in tears at the disgust I feel towards my flesh and this pride after all I've been through
Realizing my pride is being driven by the subconscious fear of not having a big enough impact for God...the fear of not enough people taking my message about God seriously
My attempt to help a sister in England by doing a Skype call with her backfires
Wrestling with the question is it appropriate for me to minister to or have a conversation with the opposite sex
Commentary on why that was the last Skype or phone call I ever did with the opposite sex in the ministry
Asking a man who believes in Jesus, "How does God and the great cloud of witnesses know if you "believe" in Jesus?"
More pressure from my mother and a dream about trying to arrange to have my children for the Summer by contacting my ex-wife and essentially threatening legal action
Realizing even if God doesn't give me Laura, that He has arranged for her and her children to be prayed for for 2 years and 8 months so far
Two more wonderful divine encounters at Starbucks: A local pastor who wants to buy 10 books and a church leader from a large Baptist church who confirms exactly the problems I saw that caused me to leave.
Fervent prayer to the Lord to show me His financial support and to allow me to have the children this Summer...He then shows me Gen 6:22 that Noah did all that the Lord commanded Him
I'm feeling like I'm giving and giving and giving, but I am experiencing so little receiving, particularly in the area of finances. The pressure is building again
More frustration and pressure regarding my need to memorize more Scripture
The frustration of feeling so alone in my faith after attending a men's group at a local Baptist church
I feel I have to be skeptical to anyone who calls themself a Christian
Learning that the band Jesus Culture is a terrible Satanic deception leading many young people astray
I have a dream where a man says everyone knows that I'm the guy who tears down everyone and I take all the fun out of Christianity
After watching a documentary about the terrible false revival in Lakeland, FL and the terrible false prophet Todd Bentley God leads me to the passage in Hebrews about Jesus hating wickedness
A desperate but unanswered prayer for God to give me money so I can take care of single parent moms
Counting the real cost to have fullness in Jesus Christ
God shows me my wife of noble character will come after I finish the work
I find myself feeling negative every time I go to this Lowe Mill outdoor family concert venue
The dream about the dark warehouse where I'm looking for lights and they are all far away from me and each other
Commentary with more insights about the dream and posing a very interesting "What if" question about the possible good reason so many true Christians have been separated and isolated from one another in this day is to make it harder for Antichrist to find us when the time comes
The email I was sent from a pastor of a small church in Africa who after 33 days of prayer was given a vision about God's disdain for what we currently call the "Church"
An absolutely incredible example of how God used a sister in the Netherlands to confirm my convictions about Him being displeased with Pastors who come 99% of the way to the full truth of God's word and stop 1% short
Confronting lies, deception, lukewarmness, and error in others takes a great deal of courage, but God will give you the grace
My mother responds to my email about my allegations that her pastor is stopping short of the truth by suggesting I have a special call and burden to walk at a higher level than them
The spirit that cause a man to stop just short of telling people the whole truth comes not from God but Satan
The Lord shows me Proverbs 12:2 about a good man obtains favor from the Lord and then I hear Charles Stanley preaching "Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord"
Rehashing the speaking voice and favor of the Lord in my life and why God is doing this with me
Walking with God and receiving his favor only comes by costly faith and obedience
What it means to have the presence of the Lord in my life
Examples of people who think they have surrendered their lives to God, but who haven't really
The principle of Jeremiah 17:5-8 and how it applies to so many people that contact me in trouble
Thoughts on the bitter sweetness of suffering
Commentary on the first of God's providences regarding India that will eventually connect me to Persis
The suffering of others who contact me can sometimes just break my heart and tear me up
The danger of Satan's counterfeit spiritual experiences (Egyptian Magicians)
The truth according to Jesus' is that Satan can "bless" your life and "answer" prayers
The fundamentals of the Christian faith which we should all be focusing on
The danger of comparing our spiritual gifts to the gifts to the gifts of others
A spiritual gift is not something you have to "practice" in order to receive
The tragedy of Satan making "Christians" envious of each other's gifts that aren't even real!
The whole matter comes down to testing the spirits and "recognizing a tree by its fruit"
When a deceived Christian is fighting against the discipline of God as if it were Satan attacking them
When you life and heart looks like a curse, it may very well be that you are under one
PARENTAL ADVISORY: Sexual topic discussed shortly
The frustration and hate I feel towards my desire when I meet an attractive young Christian woman at Starbucks
God answered my prayer in Starbucks to help me find a ladies missing keys
Continuing spiritual attack in the areas of sexuality and loneliness with women
Crying to Jesus over and over for help and God shows me 616 again (Ephesians 6:16) to take up the shield of faith
A timely and encouraging word from a Charles Stanley page that also quotes Ephesians 6:16 right after God had already showed it to me
Waiting for God in the area of a wife has been so painful
Commentary about why God allows this difficult suffering from temptation to keep occurring
Realizing I MUST put in boundaries with the women I have met at Starbucks like this lady Corrie the wedding planner
I sometimes believe the lie that because I'm still capable of being tempted I'm not godly
The battle intensifies and the suffering brings more tears as I continue to fight for what I believe is my promised wife Laura in the face of so much temptation
It takes such strong courage to keep waiting for God to act in your behalf
Realizing how much I need all this suffering for my character development in Christ
PARENTAL ADVISORY: Spiritual attack topic on sexuality
Commentary about breaking free from sexual sin
More spiritual attacks in my drinks with sexuality
My lamp shade is moved at night I believe by an evil spirit harrassing me
More insights and details about how Satan is attacking me in my sleep with sexual dreams
The real struggles I have faced sexually as a Christian man
A bold prayer to the Father about finally giving me my wife and the good reasons why He should consider giving her to me
God keeps showing me Job 5:22 in response to my prayers about "What does the Promised Land Look like for me?"
Father continues to confirm that He wants me to keep memorizing His word
The Lord keeps showing me 644 over and over Isaiah 64:4
Praying for book sales and one comes in right away to encourage me
Revelations on humility and being able to consider others better than you because we all start out with the same worthless jar
The more we empty out our jar and yield it to Jesus, the more grace we will receive
Those with more grace are simply "better off", not "better than"
To be filled with the Spirit, you have to be filled with the WORD!
You cannot earn the Holy Spirit, but you can make room for Him
God allows me to meet a new Christian sister who is a wedding planner and God seems to confirm several things in our meeting
PARENTAL ADVISORY: The first few minutes of this recording deal with the topic of sexual temptation
Satan tries to attack me again sexually with two dreams to try to get me to sin and violate my conscience right before I have to go into BATTLE in court the next day
The Lord is keeping me strong in preparation for walking on to the battlefield tomorrow and I'm actually looking forward to seeing what the Lord will do
A list of things I will tell the judge in order to answer for my situation
The need to consecrate yourself before you cross over the "Jordon"
What man that owes $25k in child support shouldn't lose his license or go to jail, and yet I know that I will not because I'm only in this situation because of the Lord's dealings with me and I have a promise
The night before court, I am so filled with joy and faith that I cannot even imagine something going wrong here tomorrow
Keeping my faith strong by remembering what God has done for me before and by clinging to promises in His word
A powerful prayer of faith before I got into the courtroom to do battle
God DID exactly what He promised me He would...He has delivered me once again!
Insights about crossing the Jordan in order to enter into the Promised Land
Still seeing lots of 919's
The balance between contentment and keeping your flame lit while you are waiting for a promise from God
So far, there is no sight of the Promised Land in my circumstances, but ONLY GIANTS
God again shows his faithfulness to me and gives me more grace in my sexual appetite
Insights about Law vs Grace from Alistair Begg on the radio
A big temptation comes at me today at Starbucks from an attractive woman
Looking up my old best friend on Facebook causes me to feel more darkness in my own situation
I have a huge battle to face on court in just a few days, but God is keeping me in total peace
I get great encouragement from reading Joshua 4:24, knowing God is telling me I will cross over this jordan river in Court on Monday
I get spiritually frustrated by Charles Stanley again saying "You cannot lose your salvation"
I know that I must fight the good fight of faith and I must do my part to abide in Christ or I will fall away
The whole journey of faith in the face of trials all comes down to this...YOU JUST KEEPING GOING...no matter what!
The enemy tries to tempt me again with sexual type dreams to get me into sin and violate my conscience the day before I go into this court battle
God has trained me to think of the consequences of sin before it happens
Noticing the Spirit has been giving me power to pray even when I'm tired as my desire for longer times in prayer is increasing
I have another terrible dream about Laura, when my mother runs into her at church
More inisghts about the spiritual warfare and even having faith in my dreams
Another time of seeing 919 three times
A message I made called "The World's Most Expensive Sex"
The unbelievable consequences of sin that Satan always hides from us in the moment
A tear filled journal entry about the most powerful prayers I have ever experienced in the face of the Job 5:22 promise
A new boldness in my prayer life has come...praying with power
Right after my powerful prayer regarding Job 5:22, a woman emails from the hospital and says my story reminds her of Job
Over sinus and health update and noticing that I don't get grouchy any more even in sickness because of the Spirit
When I'm tired and run down, it negatively effects by faith
Asking the question to test your faith, "If you died today and had to stand before Christ?"
Regarding my children: I'm just going to wait quietly for God to deliver me (Lam 3:24)
The kind of faith Father has given me looks absolutely insane to many "good" Christians around me
With only 6 days left until I have to appear before a judge about Child Support, I am still trusting God not matter what
A powerful statement from Charles Stanley on Waiting for God's Best
When well meaning Christians say, "If it were me, and I were you...this is what I would do."
The editor of Shattered Magazine talks to me about having a permanent column in the magazine but suggests I ramp up my "infastructure" to handle the possible load. I am uneasy about this
The Lord is showing me He is going to really bless me...keep seeing Promised Land
I sent my step-father a sermon by Martin Llyod Jones called "False Believer" and he becomes worried and wants to talk to me about it
A movie scene causes me to be tempted to put out a YouTube video telling of all the evil my ex-wife has done to me and my children
Spiritual energy (grace) follows a unique spiritual mission
The true Christian life is a life lived "Inside Out", not outside in
Commentary of God showing me 366 (Boaz marrying Ruth). Many times God shows us a passage or a promise for our life but we won't know what it really means until it comes to pass
Tempted again to get ahead of God and create my own deliverance and expose all the evil my ex-wife and her family have done
Remembering and reflecting on my failure to obey God back on my divorce trial and the consequences
Commentary about the attractive divorced woman on my street who murdered her two children and then killed herself
God is a God of justice, but not Instant Justice
My inbox stays at 919 (Numbers 9:19) for three straight days no matter how many emails come and go
I then receive an email from a man I met years earlier in the rainforest, asking me how much money I need to operate RelentlessHeart.com debt free
Resisting the temptation to build my ministry by the ways of man, so that I can prove you can trust in God by prayer and faith alone
Commentary on important principles on hearing the voice of the Lord as directed by the Spirit, rather than just what a verse or well-meaning Christians say you "should" do
The Lord shows me He is proud of me after I say no to the man who offers to raise money for me and promote the ministry
The Lord shows me that soon the fury of my "oppressor" (my ex-wife) will come to an end
A woman comes up to me in Starbucks and says she noticed I am speaking about God from my heart
Realizing I cannot force someone to surrender their life to God any more than God can
An example of how ugly it is to watch a professing Christian fight and squirm against their cross
The walk of death leads to the walk of life
An airplane illustration showing how poorly trained Christians are to handle crisis and how that creates even more crisis
An interesting idea for defending my faith to someone who says, "I don't believe in Jesus."
The Lord shows gives me some wonderful promises from Psalm 64 and 65 about "crowning" my year and bringing me into a place of "prosperity"
The Lord shows me Job 5:22 promising me that I will laugh at destruction
From Hebrews 10, Father shows me that if I shrink back from faith He will not be pleased with me
Acknowledging all the "giants" which are standing in the way of my taking the "promised land"
My circumstances scream, "There is NO Promised Land for you!"
God keeps showing me 717 (John 7:17) and gives me insight about how this applies to finding out His personal words in your life, not just His general word in the Bible
An encouraging encounter with a nurse "believer" at the doctor and blessed to find out it is not cancer
A major downside of all the "good" end times videos on Youtube
Commentary: Sacrasm about changing my mind on "not going to India"
The devil and my flesh and others have done so many things to try to distract me from doing exactly what the Lord has asked me to do
Another example of how God has always provided me coffee money in the Wilderness
The need for us to get serious and intentionally train yourself to be godly
I wake up at 5:25am (Gal 5:25) then I check my email and see I have 919 emails (Numbers 9:19)
2 Samuel 3 about the war lasting a long time between the house of David and the house of Saul, really blesses me.
It is incredible how much I am now remaining untouched by evil in my soul
God aportions His grace to us in accordance with His unique will in our life and according to our unique need
I am strong in the Lord, but weak in me
Those who are further ahead or higher up with the Lord than we are should not be looked at as "holier than thou" but as those who have simply done what the Lord commands of all of us
I realize I must be willing to be discgraced and undignified in my own eyes in order to serve the Lord by transparently sharing my life publicly, like David, essentially dancing "naked" before the Lord. The Lord has chosen me to do so.
Commentary: The call to get "naked" before others in your public testimony is rare.
Revelation about Mical not being able to have any children the rest of her life after she despised David for dancing before the Lord
True Obedience: The difference between doing good things for God, vs doing exactly and only what the Lord tells you and obeying God when it makes absolutely no sense
Every once in a while I get this sense that what God has planned for me down the road in this ministry is beyond my wildest imagination
Tony Evans teaches that God will not tell you the "WHY" of obedience until you go all the way into obedience, using Abraham and Isaac as an example
Obedience is not a burden, but it can be very taxing
The Lord makes it very clear to me to be very careful to listen to Him and obey Him
Thankful that God changed my parents from persecutors of mine into supporters of mine
Father is showing me He loves me, but my insurance is about to be cancelled. Nevertheless I am trusting God will provide
End times faith, not End times fear!
The Lord continue to show me to FINISH THE WORK and store up His commands
See 666 and then the children call me under the manipulation of their mom
I am being kept in such joy that even when the devil attacks
A.W. Tozer's timely and glorious words on the Crucified Life which explain the unspeakable joy I'm having
George Muller's autobiography and Answers to prayer are the greatest evidence of God's faithfulness I've ever heard of
God is still trying my faith in my finances and I have $2 in my checking account. My car insurance is about to be cancelled. I am resolved to trust God and tell NO ONE of my need, no matter what.
The incredible lesson of George Muller about resisting the temptation to deliver yourself
There must always be fresh opportunities for our faith to be tried.
A message to my children warning them that Satan will lie to them and say this kind of walking by faith was only for their father (me), not them.
One of the most powerful moments of prayer in the Spirit I have ever experienced as the Holy Spirit comes on me in such indescribable power
Astonishing revelations about the grace of God in worthless empty vessel
Peace in the storm...insights on the joy and peace of Christ in the face of a world falling apart
Obedience is the answer to ALL that we are looking for and more importantly, ALL that God is looking for
God continues to point me to Scriptures showing me I will rejoice on the day of my wedding and I realize it will happen after He is done giving me all this revelation about His word and ways
I am so sick and so "over" what we call "Church" today...it all ends up in hell.
Commentary about incredible connections between the names Laura and Persis in Psalm 21:3
A pleasant dinner with my parents is a blessing to me
More temptations to take matters into my own hands regarding the relentless parental alienation
Waiting for God to act in my behalf (Isaiah 64:4) and extinguishing the flaming arrows of the evil one with the shiled of faith, while I wait
My checking account balance is $2.30 and I'm laughing while still waiting on the Lord to send help
A totally funny moment where I contrast my account balance with the "Promised Land" and I see a 422 right after saying it.
My burning indignation towards all the worthless "counseling" that has made its way into the church
The cost of going all the way with God by David Wilkerson
Wisdom from Tozer about when God is everything to you, nothing He adds or takes away can harm you
Reasoning through with God about the wisdom I need to manage my relationship with God as my mom continues to be upset by what God moves me to say or do
Jesus never said, "If a man loses PART of his life, He will find it."
The Spirit of God in another person is NEVER in a hurry or in a panic. That is a different spirit.
If I would have listened to my parents, NONE of the fruit I see in my ministry would have ever happened
Commentary explaining the difficult to listen to prayer in the next part of the recording
A rather dramatic recorded prayer which shows that I had indeed begun to cross over into the Promised Land which God had been showing me I was about to enter
Please remember the loud cries and tears of even Jesus as you listen to this difficult to listen to prayer.
A few stories where I began seeing a new kind of fruit in the area of spiritual discernment regarding what is going on in other's lives and hearts
God granting me more wisdom to help others
My finances get down to $2 in my checking account and I pray for my friend Tom to be moved to give me some money at lunch, but God was pleased not to answer and try my faith further
More insights and details about God trying my faith in the area of finances
Learning not to conjecture or presume upon how and when God may answer your prayers so as not to be upset by unmet or delayed expectations
An idea for a new book based on my journal entries comes after realizing that so much of the "teaching" available today is just "tired" and not getting the job done. We need something different.
Commentary: Asking for volunteers to edit transcribed episodes of Trusting God in the Wilderness
God moves on a lady in the Netherlands to give me a $35 donation which keeps my checking account from going into the negative
God shows me again 544 Psalm 54:4. Surely God is my help, The Lord is the one who sustains me.
Faith is HARD! No trials, equals NO faith. Faith is only proven through difficult testing.
Commentary about sharing a PRIVATE message regarding showing me a promise that was so big, it was hard for me to believe
The 122 Promise which God gives to me at a time when I have so little results in my online ministry
An example of how Satan always strikes after the blessing of the Lord and how much all this evil has been used to strengthen me
The blessing of having a "thorn in the flesh" in the face of God's blessing and favor on your life
Commentary about the Timing of Satan's strikes, the ongoing war, and the paradox of fullness in Christ here, yet always unsatisfied and longing to go home
More insight that part of my mission is to tear down before others can be built up
The "Cabinet" idea for memorizing God's words
I now see why God is wanting me to memorize more and more Scriptures as I make recordings from people
Recalling the faithfulness of God to provide my finances many times when I'm down to my last dollar
Talking to the Lord about the FIRE of this BURDEN in me that feels it will kill me if I don't fulfill it
Many Christians don't realize that the New Covenant "contradicts" many of the Old Testament Promises
Feelings vs. Faith
Powerful insights about fighting Satan from Charles Stanley's book, Waiting on God
Intentionally finding and harvesting God's promises in His Word to keep myself strong in Him
Thanking God for the evil spirits being used to strengthen my faith
An example of being tempted to have wrong thoughts about someone, when I didn't yet have all the information. I pre-judged an email because I didn't read it all before I made my judgment.
God confirms after some of the largest and hardest messages I've done, that He is proud of my efforts and my approach
Asking God for finances to one day be able to help single parent moms
Commentary about the grace to give and my dream to one day move back to India to spend my life giving money away to those in need
The true blessedness of possessing nothing and yet having everything
The critical need to know God now before the World falls apart
My belief that America will one day totally collapse and crisis is coming
Insights on sharing the Gospel in the American culture
My speaking is my service even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it. 1 Peter 4:10-11
My weakness keeps me humble and dependent on God
The reason I am always teaching, encouraging and correcting people in my relationships is because of the gift of exhortation from the Holy Spirit that is in me
The need to recognize that we all have different gifts and our walking in them should cause us all to seem quite different than each other
Revelation that the "Church" is being ran more and more like a business rather than by the Holy Spirit
The woman that rides the beast (The Catholic church riding Rome) by Dave Hunt, finally jumps off the page at me in the book of Revelation
Having to constantly guard against "good" or "interesting" ideas that distract me from memorizing
I'm discovering more and more how weak I am,
There is no way that God is asking me to do all this work for mediocre results in His kingdom. I think He has something big planned
God opens my eyes to what it means in my own life to lay down my life as a ransom for many
The trap and challenge of splitting doctrinal hairs and more insights on the doctrine of Eternal Security
How one single sex scene from a movie can contaminate your soul and displace your peace in Christ. We should not tolerate even a small amount of evil/contamination
I want to obey God and follow his "rules" not to be a good "rule follower" but because of my love and relationship with Him
Insights on God giving us "good gifts" and how He sees "good" differently then we often do
Wonderful blessing and testimony comes in from Jeremiah Turner
My parents are still standing against me saying I'm negative and cynical
I receive a powerful testimonial about The John 7:17 Challenge from a group taking it in Florida
I'm seeing the Sovereignty of God more and more, realizing he is in control of even the "fleas"
Realizing I am not the Holy Spirit. I can be passionate about the truth and indignant towards error, but I cannot drive it into someone's heart
When looking at Jesus' flipping over change tables, we can see we have an incomplete or perverted view of love
Jesus is not coming back in sandals and gentleness, but in fire and judgment
Revelation on Repentance. The Jews already knew the Law
I get into a tangle with a Catholic friend after confronting him on all the evils in the Vatican
My parents become upset at me because I am standing up sharply for the truth against the Catholic church
I go pray in the woods and I get these terribly tormenting thoughts and fears that I'm going to be raped by men in the woods. It was an evil spirit of Homosexuality that comes out of the very Catholic church I'm standing against
I later watch a documentary and discover that upwards of 70% of Catholic clergy are homosexual
I am not willing to compromise on the truth, but I need only to present the truth and let it lay, not keep trying to beat it in where there are not ears to hear
A Charles Stanley message again brings conviction about me staying focused on memorizing the teachings vs making "important" messages like ones about the Catholic church
Being distracted by a very attractive Christian woman who is sitting directly in my line of sight
God answers my prayer and causes her and the other lady to get up and move turning their backs to me
I have an incredible call with my children and find out they will get to meet one of the wives of the Jim Elliot missionary group, from the cartoon videos I sent the children
Deeper and deeper study and understanding on God's sovereignty from the story of Saul and David
The only way we can develop strong faith is through long periods of difficulty and suffering
My heart breaks over how lonely I feel because so few around me trust God
The farther I go towards God, the farther I go from being able to fellowship with others
The lie that I've been called to some higher plane of Christianity that not all others have to come to
A fun illustration for the children to help them see God's good purposes for discipline and obedience
Realizing that Charles Stanley is flat our wrong on the subject of OSAS (Eternal Security)
Asking yourself the hard question: Where is the Biblical evidence in my life that I am true believer?
A major spiritual attack happens after confronting the false Catholic system including a terrible fear that I was going to be raped by men on the trail (A Homosexual demonic spirit)
My parents are pulled into the battle and are offended by my taking a stand for the truth
These battles make me stronger, and I must be patient with my parents until they can see the lie
Another parallel to my life today, where God tells me NOT to get distracted by a "needed" message (The False Catholicism), but instead to stay focused on what He is telling me to do (memorize the Scriptures). 6 years later, the Lord has told me NOT to do messages about Covid-19 or Black Lives Matter messages, but to stay focused and finish TGITW recordings
God is testing me to see if I will move off the task at hand because I have found something more "important" to do
God answers my prayer and I receive permission to use Torch Lighters videos in my teaching videos
The Lord answers my prayer to move an attractive Christian woman out of my line of sight while I was working at Starbucks
Amazing call with the children that fills me with joy
I have now memorized 84 of the 93 actionable teachings of Christ
The joy of obeying God when it's tough
I'm obeying God with a difficult sacrifice because I fear Him and want to please Him
I am totally amazed at how much I have memorized with God's help
A terrible dream about being false accused
My mother admits that she realized I've been called to tell people the hard truth, and admits she has known for sometime but has been concerned because she wants people to like me
Some of the ways God uses evil spirits in others for our good, just as God used Saul for David's good the same way He used my ex-wife for my good
God shows me at a much needed moment that He loves me and is proud of me
I finally break down in tears over how hard it is for me to memorize the teachings of Jesus Christ
I am anticipating that God is going to put a new song in my mouth and grant me a crown
More revelations on God's Sovereignty in Psalm 25:12 and Romans 8:28
An Olympic Champion coach analogy that applies to us as Christians
A phone call from an old high school friend triggers temptations to think back about the old life
Trying to capture more of what my days feels like when I just don't feel well
More and more pressure to finish memorizing the teachings of Christ
Questioning why I don't have the same character, same focus, or same work ethic as men like William Tyndale
The testing of my character as I'm having to prove to myself that I can finish what I start
Commentary about doing ONLY what the Father asks you to do in your service
I'm doing the things I don't like to do because of my love and fear of the Lord
PARENTAL ADVISORY: (SEXUAL TOPIC MENTIONED) God is training me to sit still and hold myself back from all human efforts and reasoning and instead wait on Him to act
All of my blessings that I'm waiting for are dependent upon me finishing the work of memorizing the teachings of Christ (the work He has asked me)
My strength is in the areas of feelings and emotions, not facts
Feeling weary and asking the Lord to refresh me in my faith and hope for Laura
How it turned out that masturbation became sin for me
The strong temptation to email my ex-wife with lots of evidence of all the evil her and her parents have done towards me and the children
Realizing how dangerous to Satan a man is who has lost everything and has nothing to lose
I know I can live without any of my three big prayers being answered, because I already am!
You cannot really learn about God from a book, but from experience (John 7:17)
Right after the 666, here comes the provocative Egyptian woman into Starbucks and the mystery about her is revealed
The Lord shows me that I have been barren by His will, but in time He will open my spiritual womb and take away my disgrace
Being separated from the outward blessings of God
God confirms that I am not to restart up a Bible study around my book yet
A third friend accuses me of being "black or white" in my Biblical thinking when I confront her with Scripture in the face of her personal challenges
I tried to live in the "gray" for years and I received terrible spiritual results
Insights about people that say I am being "unloving" with my sharp corrections
We don't need anymore sweetie type "Joel O'Steens" in this world
Christians today are in desperate need for good understanding
Does Jesus say to you, "You have understood correctly"?
Father opens my eyes to the Spirit's work in John 8:3-5, removing the pressure I and Satan have put on myself trying to save people
I keep having deep revelations after my last prayer walk where I had to hold myself up on my knees at one point
Insights about how many people that call themselves Christians likely do not have the Spirit
Asking the question, "Why Not Me?"
Is is possible that God is going to do something extraordinary in my life and touch many many lives for Christ
God shows me 1 Kings 8:22 and 1 Kings 8:55 as an encouragement for my future promises from Him
An attractive blond haired lady gives me a second look and two smiles and it stirs something up in my stomach, wondering if it was the woman my mother has been wanting me to meet
Laura is a "no show" for the fourth time and I see the Laura look alike AGAIN!
A WONDERFUL update on my progress doing the work to memorize the teachings of Jesus Christ
Revelation about how my anger and offense increases when I try to get around the evil my ex-wife is doing to me through parental alienation, rather than resting in the Lord's design
The World War 1 and 2 Documentaries have had a huge impact on me
Thoughts on suicide being an unforgivable sin
I consider myself as being in a war and being a soldier for the Lord Jesus Christ's army...I'm sort of like a medic
How many Christians try to justify living in the "Gray" rather than in the white or the black of Scripture
Thoughts on humility: It's easy to be humble when everything is going well in your life
Revelation about God testing us and making us wait, and how it shows us how much progress God has made in our hearts
Noticing in my heart that I'm more and more able to consider the possibility that God may indeed have someone else for me, other than Laura
A strong moment of temptation to confront the woman who did a serious wrong to me
God shows me 1 Kings 8:22 and 1 Kings 8:55 as an encouragement for my future promises from Him
An attractive blond haired lady gives me a second look and two smiles and it stirs something up in my stomach, wondering if it was the woman my mother has been wanting me to meet
Laura is a "no show" for the fourth time and I see the Laura look alike AGAIN!
A WONDERFUL update on my progress doing the work to memorize the teachings of Jesus Christ
Revelation about how my anger and offense increases when I try to get around the evil my ex-wife is doing to me through parental alienation, rather than resting in the Lord's design
The World War 1 and 2 Documentaries have had a huge impact on me
Thoughts on suicide being an unforgivable sin
I consider myself as being in a war and being a soldier for the Lord Jesus Christ's army...I'm sort of like a medic
How many Christians try to justify living in the "Gray" rather than in the white or the black of Scripture
Thoughts on humility: It's easy to be humble when everything is going well in your life
Revelation about God testing us and making us wait, and how it shows us how much progress God has made in our hearts
Noticing in my heart that I'm more and more able to consider the possibility that God may indeed have someone else for me, other than Laura
A strong moment of temptation to confront the woman who did a serious wrong to me
More encouraging principles and insights from the book Abraham by Charles Swindoll
While waiting on God the Holy Spirit exposes the deepest idols and lusts in our heart
I feel more convicted about trusting God now than I ever have
I'm not ready yet. I need more suffering and more training before God can promote me
There is NOTHING left that God could take from me to ruin me, except His presence
God is helping me to see in this darkest of moments that my faith in God is now unshakable
Losing my children's burning loving hearts helps me to better understand how Father feels as a parent when He loses his children's hearts
Most Christians only believe God is Sovereign in their heads, not their hearts
Feeling overwhelmed for those behind me knowing how long you have to walk through darkness and suffering to get to fullness and Holiness in Christ
Reflecting back on choosing the Crucified life over my old "Churchified" life
After a powerful time in the cloud on the mountain, I think I have found Hudson Taylor's spiritual secret
Totally trusting God to promote my ministry one day and reflecting on the encounter I had with the angel in 2001 who told me "The Lord will be magnified and glorified through your obedience"
Counseling a single parent mom whose husband destroyed marriage with pornography addiction
How Satan uses offense to separate us from God's will and favor bringing us into insecurity and despair
Run back into Kay as she is having a panic attack and the Lord blesses her through prayer
Wrestling and confused about the burden I have to tell people what the Lord is doing in the face of the fear of exalting myself
Terrifying dream about the Bridge being out with no one to warn the drivers
There is NO Power in the Christian life without PURITY...all other "power" is a counterfeit
Bizarre dream about my ex-wife followed by a letter stating her attorney is withdrawing as her counsel
God gives me confirmation that the timing isn't right for Him to answer my prayers yet through the book Abraham
Realizing that I will never get so spiritually mature that I don't need to depend on God always
When God tells me to wait it means He has something wonderful for me
A horrible phone call from the children as I hear their hearts are closing to me as their father
After reading part of a memoir, my desire to write my own story was stirred up but I must wait for God's timing to promote my ministry, not me
The importance of God's Sovereignty and allowing Him to be in control
After prayer to refresh me from a weary morning, the Lord gives me a divine encounter with an Agnostic
God stops me from promoting my story through the "Unbroken" campaign
Tozer's insights about the idolatry of Isaac in Abraham's heart and my idolatry of my own children
Seeing how God allowing me to believe I would meet Laura at a certain time, showed me that she was too much in the center of my heart
Feeling such shame after watching old videos of me doing sales training and seeing the evil motives of my heart and my desire to receive the praise of men
Insights about how even "quiet people" can be guilty of trying to preserve the honor by not saying anything
I still have a tendency to get ahead of God and try to "make something happen" in everything, which is why He keeps shutting me down on everything
Desires of the heart give us energy to go to God and spend time with Him in prayer
God shows me that I'm still subtly trying to honor myself and promote myself
Encouragement from another Charles Stanley Message about looking past your disappointments
Believing God can "raise the dead" on my meeting Laura
God shows me new meaning and personal insight about Romans 8:18
Awesome day with three encounters at Starbucks regarding the John 7:17 Challenge including a public dialogue with a Muslim in front of others at Starbucks
The incredible name of Jesus Christ and what happens when spoken out loud in public
A friend named Tom tells me he thinks God is going to do something really big in my life
Another difficult day because of the parental alienation and the rejection I'm feeling from Laura
Insights about why God has allowed me to expose the evil done to my children and myself by Satan through my ex-wife
I am comforting others by my own discomfort
I'm amazed by how quickly I can go from having a good day to an absolutely dark day where I want to quit
So very frustrated by what I experienced at a Baptist church Christmas party and this becomes the straw that breaks the camel's back for me with going to "church"
In the face of such a strong desire for a soul mate who LOVES God like I do, I fear Laura doesn't have that love for Him
God's mercies were new the next day and I woke feeling refreshed
Resting in God's Sovereignty and God's will for my life
Telling the Lord if I need to live single the rest of my life I can do it
My terrible burden about "church" and the Saint must walk alone
I am truly blessed by a $300 donation that comes in after praying for child support money
I see Laura's friend Jennifer again and It becomes a major blessing in my heart for unexpected reasons
More and more gratitude for how Father has orchestrated this whole Laura thing all for my character development, knowing exactly the kind of training and discipline I needed
Nothing can compare to the gift of God's presence and becoming more like Jesus Christ
My mother comes to me in a surprising moment says she is praying for Laura
I received a notice of a court hearing I must now attend in AL about child support
Fighting terribly hard to keep my faith for Laura...
Commentary: Revelation about Laura and Persis both being signs or representations of a heavenly reality in Christ
Fervent prayer to God to please grant me this blessing and bring himself glory
God uses an Andrew Murray book to give me the most wonderful encouragement. When God is building your faith, He will allow your prayers to go unanswered on purpose
An example of a text conversation between my ex-wife and I, showing she is captive to the Father of lies
How Satan has been used through my ex-wife for such good
Great encouragement from reading Hudson Taylor's love story
I only want God to promote me, so that I can promote Him and His ways
Hudson Taylor learned that God was his One Great Circumstance in life, not all the other lesser circumstances
Repenting of the prideful thought, "Mom, I already know that verse"
I see two very conspicuous 919's and 525's just before I hear a "good idea" of starting up groups and promoting the ministry
The Lord is warning me to stay put and not attempt to do something "good" for Him, but rather wait for Him Always
God has produced more fruit in my the last two years than in the previous twenty years
Seeing God's graciousness to me to HOLD ME BACK in so many ways over the years to protect me and keep me humble
Recalling all the times I had to cause pain to myself by denying myself and instead obeying and doing God's will by waiting on Him
PARENTAL ADVISORY: (SEXUAL TOPIC DISCUSSED IN THIS ENTRY) I move out of my friend's office and I'm no longer homeless 4 months to the day I moved out of my parent's house
I get my first cell phone after over 14 months with no phone
A gripping fear comes upon me thinking that I may never know the love and intimacy of a wife ever again
My ex-wife again rejecting my calls and requests to have the children for Christmas
I feel hope deferred makes the heart grow sick...my heart feels sick
Feeling consumed by God's commandment to memorize the Scriptures and condemned by not doing it as diligently as He commands
Revelations on hiding God's word in your heart
The most dramatic encounter I've ever had on the mountain with an atheist
God encourages me with a certain person buying 4 books
Another time where I say I've had enough...I want out of all this suffering and lack
Commentary: Comparing the grace of Christ in my life now to 6 years ago
Asking God, who around me is obeying and trusting you like I am?
My mom sincerely asks if it is possible that God used Laura as a placeholder until the one He chooses comes along
Greater than my desire for Laura is my fear of manipulating the situation and getting ahead of God and losing my assurance that He is the one who did it
Tempting thoughts about the wealthy woman who wanted a relationship with me
God making me wait this long has built the strongest character in my heart
I am NOT going to quit, but I am going to keep waiting on and trusting in the Lord
Encouraging myself in the face of very little ministry subscribers, fruit, and book sales
The Lord continues to show me, "Finish the work" while avoiding the temptation to self promote
God shows me another 646 and I went to the mountain and had another incredible encounter that motivated me to keep memorizing Scripture
Nov 7th 2014, the 777th day since Laura said she would have coffee with me and the day I believe I will meet her
Struggling with the idea of what might happen to my faith if I don't see her today
My deep confusion and frustration the next morning when God did not bring Laura across my path
Commentary: Don't feel sorry for brother Michael...wait until you hear what God showed me years later about this experience and deep disappointment
I now know what it feels like to want to give up on God and just become an atheist
The only evidence I have in my life that God is good, is in my heart, not in my circumstances
s God still good even when He doesn't answer our prayer or come through for us?
How can anyone see in my life that God is good?
Is this journey just all suffering like in the life of Paul?
The ultimate testing of my faith so far
Focusing on Enduring in my work even though my books sales and subscribers are so low
Avoiding the trap of self-promotion
Memorizing the teachings of Christ is very hard but I must keep going
Another divine encounter on the trail with the same Catholic guy Robert I ran into over a year ago
What will happen to my faith if I don't see Laura today, the day I believe the Lord has shown me I will see her
I didn't meet Laura and it was a crushing blow. I can now better understand how atheists feel when they have cried out to God and He didn't answer or come through for them.
All of my thoughts and frustrations about the mixed signals I seem to be receiving
Commentary: If romantically minded women were running my life, I would have met Laura by now, but God's thinking and ways are not our ways
Now I'm in this dark place where I'm totally confused about whether I have heard God correctly or enough
Is God still good when the circumstance of our life are not. Do I still believe God even though what I thought He would give me, did not come?
I need to KNOW that the Lord is pleased with me by seeing His power in my life to answer my prayers
There is NOTHING in my life that shows that God is for me. No one can see that God is with me
Forcing myself to put my hope in the life to come, not in this life
I attend the concert where I believe I will meet Laura and she was not there
I continue to hope that I will meet her in 21 more days
I've only sold 2 books in the first few days and I prayed for God to encourage me and He leads me to 2 Corinthians 4:1
By October 24th, I've sold about 15 books the first day, 7 of them were to my mom.
I will NOT strive to promote this ministry or my book, but will trust God to promote it
I go to Lowe Mill with my parents and give away two books, one to the most loving husband and wife I've ever seen
Explaining how The Father's Love Letter Tract is actually a Heretical teaching about who God really is
An amazing sighting of 777 and 212 right in the middle of making a message about faith
Commentary: You are pleasing God in ways you cannot imagine right now if you are trusting Him for anything by faith, whether you receive it or not.
The Yoga lady begins posting the John 7:17 Challenge book on Facebook...Hooray!
God calls me to the mountain again and I run into the dentist's wife for the 3rd time and find out she has been blessed by what I told her the last time we met
Finished all the main copy for my book that will become The John 7:17 Challenge
2 days after telling my friend I think I'm going to see Laura, I run into my old girlfriend Jill
God still will not let me move into my parent's house
Another encounter with a familiar woman on the trail to encourage her faith
Spectacular providence of God to show me 1001, 777, 955 and two 511's which encourages me so much
More of my conjecturing and speculating about whether or not God is going to introduce me to Laura on the 777th day
The story of how I found the cover picture for the John 7:17 Challenge book
Revelation on the reality that Faith is not the absence of Doubt
After 3 years of walking the trail I found a brand new and gorgeous lookout with a whole new view, practically symbolizing the new season and outlook on my life going forward
October 10th 2014 - I receive the very first draft published version of the book, which was then called "The 31 Day Walking with Jesus Challenge"
My first unsaved person to buy the book was a New Age Yoga instructor I knew from Starbucks
Another wonderful encounter with a 23 year old man in Starbucks
Beginning to seriously think God is showing me a 212 777 combination to lead me to believe I'm going to meet Laura on the 777th day. Then I run into her friend Jennifer, the friend Laura was with, the first night I met Laura
I break down almost in unbelief and tears as the Lord providentially guides me to be able to sell the book I've worked on after going so long with no income
My mother meets a pretty godly woman in ministry and she wants to introduce me. I start seeing 212's and 955's all over the place, again the Lord reminding me to wait for His choice.
One of the most amazing and beautiful divine encounters I've had so far!
Begin to be so overjoyed about seeing God's blessing for my life just on the horizon
So humbled to see the year and a half of work in what would become The John 7:17 Challenge being almost finished
I receive a notice from the court about my balance due on child support
Thanking God for all the times He has filled me up with his Spirit out on the trail
One of the ways you know you are growing spiritually mature is by how willing you are to protect your alone time with God - Charles Stanley
Remaining under the umbrella of "God has got this!...God is in control!"
There's nothing more satisfying to my soul than my Father and I want so badly for people to know about this
I finished the hardest part of the book and I'm so unbelievably excited
2 major signs I have seen that distinguish between true and false religions and teachers
I find that John MacArthur had the same call to the people sitting in the "church" not living it, as I now feel burns in me
Asking myself some HARD questions about John MacArthur and Charles Stanley
See how people deceive themselves and get involved with Christian "busy work and study" rather than simply doing the will of God
Nothing has changed in circumstances and Satan is trying to discourage me and tempt me to give up
Very encouraged by a phone call I got to have with all five of the children
My relationship with my parents since I've moved out is improving
My friend Bobby is starting believe God is speaking directly to him too
In prayer for God to deliver me in a powerful way, He shows me John 7:17
Seeing spiritual attacks in accordance to David Wilkerson's Satan's last Strategy Message
God is working in my heart to teach me to stand 100% on faith and not on feelings
America is going further and further down the tubes and David Wilkerson's prophecy about America falling is looking to be closer and closer
Another bizarre dream about Laura that so closely matches reality
Very thankful for living at my friends office because of such increased productivity
Thinking of how much I should charge for this discipleship workbook when it is finished
More attacks comes from my former friend and my friend Bobby breaks off his partnership with him
Amazed by all the black or white truths and principles in the Scriptures
The Scriptures on dealing with the disobedient in our life
God shows me the main SIN of the entire Charismatic doctrine and I blow up in INDIGNATION after reading only two chapter of an Andrew Wommack book
Where are the people who actually believe God has power?
How many times God has been faithful to help me in my finances
The initial idea for creating a high quality workbook with all the teachings of Christ for the purposes of discipleship
My close friend tells me that I should sell the book and I struggle with the idea
God answers my prayer to help me find out how to print my books in a marvelous way
The same day I get the idea to print and sell a discipleship manual, my Dad asks me the same day when I'm going to have some work and get caught back up on child support
I have a bizarre encounter with a snake while running and I trip and fall and bust up my knee
Start feeling a little weary about living in the office but the Lord tells me to stay put
An email from my dad about what he thinks about the situation I'm going through and the pain of being misunderstood
God uses a perfect Charles Stanley message to encourage my faith when I was weak
A funny moment when my mom tells me in her new house about the new channel they have 919
The twisted teaching about the promise land that a Jewish man taught in my parent's church
The Lord reminds me about finishing the work
I see my dad in the History Channel's Vietnam in HD series
Another wonderfully timed and encouraging message from Charles Stanley about Crisis
The parental alienation is getting really ugly
God is still testing me to see if I will try to deliver myself by increasing the affliction
My increased ability to see how others think living by faith in God is so insane
Commentary: Faith in the dark when it makes no sense is the only thing that will untangle the mess
A substantial break through in my mom's heart and faith
My mother tells my father that I'm either the godliest person they ever met or the most deceived
God gives me the incredible opportunity to pray for a rich, foul-mouthed, prideful business man, about his cancer and the Lord brings him under conviction for his foul mouth
A remarkable story of God's providence to grant reconciliation with my friend event though I'm moving out
My friend realizes and admits that Satan was putting negative thoughts about me in his head before our meeting
Having to move back into my friend's office and resisting the temptation to even spend one night in my parent’s new home that is now finished
How a devotional from Greg Laurie was actually used to really discourage me
Horribly frustrated by the increasingly wicked parental alienation
Back to the point where I want to just quit again!
The next day I have dream about Laura to is so sweet and also so telling
My friend Wesley turns on me again only 24 hours after saying he is with me and now is trying to talk my friend Bobby into kicking me out of the office
Revelations from one year of doing my Men's Bible study about obstacles that prevent people from being able to start on the road to fullness in Christ
One friend meets with me to somewhat apologize about not trusting God with me and then asks me to do the Bible study again
My faith walk is causing my friends to stumble
Most powerful prayer time I've ever had happened in a corn field
Things continue to worsen and I find out that my close friend Bobby is starting to have doubts about my walk with God
Satan finds a way to create offense between my friend Wesley and I
Insights about suffering and God's good purposes for it. Everyone will be salted with fire.
Prayers are powerful and flowing effortlessly but also filled with sorrow for the lost
Feeling so lonely in my zeal for the Lord
More and more light on how blinded Christians are to the teachings of Jesus Christ
People get lost and frustrated struggling with the effects in their life rather than the cause
I woke up with negativity, doubt and some fear that tempted me again to give up
I have so much proof now that you don't have to give in to the feelings
Trusting God by putting down your own will vs trusting God when you have no other choice
The main purpose of the pain that comes from denial of self
I went from being a person who people said, "Man, I can't have faith like that, to man, "I don't want faith like that!"
Where are the men who will trust God? Where are the Christians who will trust God like this?
One day people will be lined up to see what God did in my life, but now they say I'm a fool
People are afraid of the trust and surrender I have in my life so they discredit me
I often wake up feeling negative and I see that faith is almost like a habit that must be cultivated and practiced
Convicted about how poorly training most of us Christians are after watching a movie about two Mormon missionaries
The desperate need for understanding among so many Christians
The companion of fools comes to ruin hence why so many Christians come to ruin
Inquiring of the Lord as to how I should respond to another legal letter I receive about the music license legal threats
Many Christians play the fool and spend thousands to sue others in the court of man rather than fighting the real battle which is spiritual
Father shows me back to back 525 and 919 regarding how I should respond to the legal threats
More torment from another Laura lookalike
Two of the main guys in my Bible study turn against me on the same day and say I'm misguided and not hearing from God
Perseverance is making me much stronger than Michael Chriswell has ever been
The only thing that matters to me any more is obeying and doing God's will
I have lost my life and thus I have found it in Christ
Inquiring of the Lord as to how I should respond to another legal letter I receive about the music license legal threats
Many Christians play the fool and spend thousands to sue others in the court of man rather than fighting the real battle which is spiritual
Father shows me back to back 525 and 919 regarding how I should respond to the legal threats
More torment from another Laura lookalike
Two of the main guys in my Bible study turn against me on the same day and say I'm misguided and not hearing from God
Perseverance is making me much stronger than Michael Chriswell has ever been
The only thing that matters to me any more is obeying and doing God's will
I have lost my life and thus I have found it in Christ
The missing teaching of what it takes to find your identity truly in Christ
More painful parental alienation as my ex-wife dodges me being able to have calls with the children
Increasing gratitude for the sufferings of Christ flowing into my life
While watching the Passion of Christ I realize, even if I never seen my children again in this life, if we all overcome in Christ, we will be together forever in heaven.
Satan and our flesh always wants to think, "It's Now or never!" Yet, by the Spirit, we must learn to fix our hope fully on the grace to be given us when Christ returns
My entire ministry is shut down by another copyright strike
An important divine encounter with a brother stuck in sin who can't forgive himself
An encouraging meeting with two elderly ladies, one of which is a widow and her husband's name was Mike and he died the same year that Laura's husband died
God uses an Oswald Chambers devotion to confirm all this suffering is from Him for my sanctification
Confront my friend about the Egyptian relics he has all over his house and how they make God jealous
People compare God's speaking voice to me, but they don't compare their suffering and obedience to mine
Realizing how so many "Christians" are ignorant in their daily lives of the things God finds detestable or dishonorable in their life
Conceding defeat to my "enemy" the music composer who has successfully taken down my entire ministry
Extraordinary moment of prayer in the middle of a tall corn field where heaven felt so close
The greatest evidence that God is everything He says He is is what He has done in my heart in the face of losing everything, not when He gives me some of that back
The men in my Bible study are becoming increasingly fearful of the suffering they see in my life
God continues to bless me beyond measure using me in the lives of people while I'm homeless.
My life now proves to me when God is all you have, you find out God is all you need and you can be happy and content with God alone.
I come under strong temptation after watching the story video I did for my friend in his business and seeing the Laura look alike again
Praying that God would never allow any future circumstances good or bad that would prevent me from having the closeness I have with Him.
Finally getting to the place where I want God Himself far more than I want any of His blessings
A man in my Bible study opens up about a life changing encounter of brokenness he had before the Lord and then he attributed it to our Bible study
I continue to have great joy during my homelessness as I continue to obey and do the work God asked me to do
In spite of my increasingly bad circumstance I am experiencing an incredible increase in peace and joy in my heart
People notice that I'm not interested in talking about myself, but only interested in them
The men in my Bible study are asking, "What does it mean for us, if God doesn't come through for Michael?"
Everything in my life which I acquired outside of His will has turned to ashes
How easy it would be to manipulate my life right now with either a dating website or even starting my old business
I feel above all things that I am fighting for God's glory...the impact of other trusting Him through my example
Not allowing myself to be overwhelmed by how long God's deliverance might take, but taking it day by day
What could my faith walk mean to my children's children one day?
Extraordinary signs with the numbers to confirm my wife when I needed it
Commentary: When God has something better planned
Crying over the initial reality of being homeless as it hits me hard
It looks like God has forsaken me, but by faith, I know that He has not
I can finally identify with the homelessness of my Lord Jesus Christ who had no place to lay his head
Commentary: There will be a famine after the promise of blessing
A very bizarre encounter with a strange man at Panera Bread
My friend lets me spend the night in his office after spending one night in my car
Filled with joy the second morning of being homeless
When asking the Lord if I can get a job, He immediately shows me a 909 and 919
I have a dream that my ex-wife admitted to me that she had an affair with our old boss
My routine is gone and it brings suffering. I respond by thanking God for what I do have.
Realizing in a sad moment how far away I am from my wife of noble character now.
Thinking of how many friends and family could say of me, "Where is his God now?"
Feeling such a temptation to save myself, but my faith is greater than my doubt.
See 919 three times in the morning and then later my mom asks me to sleep in the new house
See a book by a theologian that says God approves of Homosexuality in the New Covenant
Link mentioned in Part 5 regarding Homosexuality:
Feel down and icky after my mom blows up at me and it's now affecting my mood and my faith with only a few days left
I'm having to really fight to keep my faith encouraged right now
Being shown an offensive joke on the internet that causes me to laugh and then violates my conscience afterwards
Striving to be mindful of my holiness in inappropriate situations
Enduring another one of those Satanic attack days that you just have to persevere and get through
There are days when you feel like the promises of God are a million miles away or not even real
How I feel and how I deal with these kinds of days
July 8th, 2014 The last day I have to find a place to live before I'm homeless
Remarkable peace in the face of a desperate situation
Reflecting on the mistakes of Abraham and Sarah with Hagar in my last hours of having a place to live to keep me from trying to save myself
Commentary: How important it is to pass the Lord's tests
God's timing is never too later and never too early. His timing is perfect!
Encouraging myself in these final hours of this epic test of my faith
I found myself thanking the Lord again this morning for the suffering
I am unwilling to disobey the Lord no matter how much discomfort I face
Taking my struggles and negative thoughts about my mom to the Lord in prayer
It is pride that wants to defend itself
I'm losing my need to be apologized to and to be vindicated
How do I honor my mom when she's not living in a way that's honorable?
Asking the Lord for wisdom on how to respond to this
It becomes so evident to me why the Lord has allowed me to go so long with no money
Commentary: Enmity between the children of God and the children of Satan and learning to distinguish between the two
No one who is born of God will continue to sin
The difference between falling into a sin vs living in and practicing sin
Letter: "I love my spouse enough to die for them, but am I willing to go to hell for them?"
Commentary continued on getting free from all sin in the Lord Jesus Christ
See 666, 15 min later my mother attacks me.
What joy I feel knowing that the Lord is still guiding me and speaking to me and how this lets me know that God is aware of and OK with all the other bad circumstances going on in my life, like being behind on child support.
The things that are happening which are making my mother so mad at me
UNBELIEVABLE peace and faith, in the face of DIRE last minute circumstances
Many thoughts and lessons on all the adversity I've been through
Thoughts on knowing the Lord like I do now
Many instructions to the Chriswell children about how to Know God
The people trying so hard to prove or disprove God vs. the people who are actually walking with Him each day.
Faith vs Feelings and how many times I can feel doubt in my flesh and faith in my spirit at the exact same time
Examples of how money is the master of many and yet they do not know it
We must obey the written words of our Lord before we can expect Him to speak personal words to us by His Spirit
Another incredible encounter and prayer time with a young couple on the trail Dominique and Kelly
Mom offer me a summer job, but I already have a job full time working for the Lord and God shows me 919 while I was talking to my mom
Experiencing what Charles Stanley has taught about on prayer, in my actual experience
Confronting the false doctrine Charles Stanley teaches that there is a difference between "believers" and "disciples"
666 Warning and then 15 minutes later my mom screamed at me like the devil was in her
I begin to wonder if God may introduce me to Laura again on the 777th day
Increasing frustrations from my mother as God's plans for my life , and she flies into a rage against me
Realization about how leaky our hearts are and how critical daily Bible reading is
God calls me to the mountain again with a 646 and then gives me another wonderful encounter
Revelations about these divine encounters I keep having
Learning of God's perfect timing and direction and to join Him in His work by listening to His promptings
Describing how parental alienation happens and how it feels
Chelsea is afraid of being put to shame when she goes back to school because the whole class prayed that she was going to get to come to my house for the Summer
Seeing the parental alienation increase over the telephone
Asking ourselves where is the evidence from heaven's perspective that we believe God beyond just our words?
What are the evidences of your dying with Christ from heaven's perspective?
A rare recording of one of my prayers with only 7 days left until I have to move out of my parent’s house
Feeling so sad after a very disappointing call with my children
Trying to explain to Chelsea the truth about why I couldn't come get them this Summer after her grandfather lied to her
When I tell my mom I can't move in the new house she says, "Now I know you aren't hearing from God correctly"
God does a wonderful thing and gives me $150 the next day after I decided I would spend every penny of the $150 I had in my account on my children
The Lord calls me up the mountain and I have a chance encounter
Realizing God so orders my steps that when I'm supposed to meet Laura it will be easy for Him to connect us
Counsel to single friends of mine who have put themselves in a very foolish position
God warns me in a dream about one of the men in my Bible study that a companion of fools comes to ruin
The Lord shows me Scriptures to encourage me that He will deliver me, bless me, persevere and He loves me and is proud of me
I now have a final 3 weeks to go until I have to be out of my parent's house
Another man shows up at my Bible study who is there for the wrong reasons
I have a strong desire to reach out to InTouch Ministries and see if I can use Charles Stanley's teaching in my ministry to teach the principles behind my stories
So blessed to receive an anonymous check for $210 when I only had $50 in my account.
Satan uses my mom again to try to discourage me and get me to think about quit doing my videos
Feel strong doubts about my story video and the approach I'm taking
Feeling so sad after a very disappointing call with my children
Trying to explain to Chelsea the truth about why I couldn't come get them this Summer after her grandfather lied to her
When I tell my mom I can't move in the new house she says, "Now I know you aren't hearing from God correctly"
God does a wonderful thing and gives me $150 the next day after I decided I would spend every penny of the $150 I had in my account on my children
The Lord calls me up the mountain and I have a chance encounter
Realizing God so orders my steps that when I'm supposed to meet Laura it will be easy for Him to connect us
Counsel to single friends of mine who have put themselves in a very foolish position
God warns me in a dream about one of the men in my Bible study that a companion of fools comes to ruin
The Lord shows me Scriptures to encourage me that He will deliver me, bless me, persevere and He loves me and is proud of me
I now have a final 3 weeks to go until I have to be out of my parent's house
Another man shows up at my Bible study who is there for the wrong reasons
I have a strong desire to reach out to InTouch Ministries and see if I can use Charles Stanley's teaching in my ministry to teach the principles behind my stories
So blessed to receive an anonymous check for $210 when I only had $50 in my account.
Satan uses my mom again to try to discourage me and get me to think about quit doing my videos Feel strong doubts about my story video and the approach I'm taking
Feeling temptation after meeting two other Laura "look a likes" back to back downtown and then I run from the temptation
It makes me sad to think I'm being tempted and it's getting harder and harder to wait
Feeling frustrated...asking, "Why are so many women who look like Laura showing up suddenly"
The distractions of being single
Insights I'm learning on temptation from Charles Stanley
The Lord is showing me 919's and 525's to show me I can't even move in my parent's new house temporarily
Commentary on the "Blessing of Job" being on my life, but for spiritual blessings, not temporal
I keep thinking more and more about Laura and I'm amazed I've waited this long
Parental alienation is increasing over the phone
Counseling a man in my Bible study about the obstacles to receiving clear guidance from God
I want people to see that they can go directly to God and have a relationship with Him without needing to go to a man
My main purpose in life is to get people to take God seriously
Commentary about the fulfillment of Chelsea's dream...she is being isolated from me
The Lord seems to be making it clear that I am not to move into my parent's new house
My testimony and story are coming right out of the Bible...this is amazing!
Recalling the many instances of God telling me to deny myself and to wait and do what does NOT make sense
Realizing Father doesn't want my mother to be able to take credit for bailing me out and saving me at the last minute
A friend testifies that he notices I never want to talk about myself when we are together and that it’s only me listening about him
Deep Biblical insights from a Bible study in 1 Samuel on the principles which were at work between King Saul and David and which are now at work in my own life and battle right now with my ex-wife
Realizing how much longer my waiting on the Lord has been than I expected...three years and counting and still NOTHING has changed
The fear that comes over my mind about missing out on good years with my future wife and the important years of my children's lives
The Lie of "God has not done anything for you...your situation is not changed...forget about the promise and move on."
Trying to capture as many word pictures as I can about what it has been like to walk so long through darkness, knowing these recordings will one day bless others to keep trusting in God through their long periods of waiting in the darkness
Better understanding of what it means to be "More than conquerors" in Christ Romans 8:37
The shocking similarities between Saul's false repentance towards David and my ex-wife's false repentance towards me
God uses the disobedient around us to shape us and conform us more into the image of Christ
Realizing God has blessed me with so much grace that I could even take back my ex-wife who has done so much evil to me, if she truly repented
Like Joseph, until the words of the Lord come true, the word of the Lord is testing me
The paradox of living by Faith being so easy and yet so very hard
Another divine encounter with a man I've seen and given my card too before
I went from feeling down in the dumps to elation after the Lord shows me two 955's (a wife of noble character is her husband's crown)
A major blessing of full surrender is the how the Lord blesses you in your heart
The Laura look alike drives right in front of me while I'm talking about Laura in my recording
Reasoning with my mother about fake healings and being slain in the "Spirit"
Moving in to just thanking God for what He will do rather than just always asking
Feeling very content to just wait and let Him do what He wants when He wants
He is my everything and I'm so thankful to have Him in my life and for making Himself known to me
Commentary about children of flesh and blood vs spiritual children
The parental alienation is increasing and the Lord is telling me stay put
Endure hardship as discipline from the Lord
A precious lessons to my 7 year old Ashley about what it means to "Deny yourself"
I have peace that God is going to one day make this all good
How I see the exact promise of Jeremiah 17:5-8 coming true in my life right now and God confirms it at church
Friends and family tell me that I have a legal right to get a Sheriff and see my children, but I have no peace about doing that. Jesus said, "If someone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back."
Lessons and insights on Waiting for God's very best
Commentary explaining about the house my parents bought as a "ministry" to help people like me
My mother says she hopes God changes my mind about not being able to move in the house
Feeling very very frustrated with my sinuses because I feel so sick
Feeling the pressure of my mom wanting me to move in the house
Realizing I need to go to the mountain for God's help and to repent of my grumbling out loud about my frustrations
I worry more about the condition of my faith than I do my bad circumstances
Frustrated about the small amount of subscribers and small impact I'm making
My feelings are saying just quit and be mad at God
How can you know if you are waiting on God or just waiting on nothing?
One of the darkest moments I've been through in my Christianity so far...less hope than I've ever had
Realizing my Father has backed up from me intentionally and that's how I'm growing
God blesses me in the most amazing way, showing me it was 9 months to the day AGAIN between the day I fully surrendered to God and the day my ex-wife filed for divorce.
There is nothing more strengthening to our faith walk than to see and understand the Sovereignty of God
Making a connection to Paul saying "Satan has prevented me from coming to you" to the fact that Satan has prevented me from seeing my children
My mom is more and more coming around towards the truth and I'm excited to watch it
Issues I see with the promotion of the Holy Spirit in the Charismatic church
I see a new number 19:19 that God will deliver me and people will know that He is the Lord
God is starting to open my mom's eyes to my life of faith when she reads a book about a Doctor who has had a very similar journey of faith as mine
God shows me a new number 19:19 which is 2 Kings 19:19 to show me that He will deliver me and vindicate me to everyone
The strong temptation to provide yourself with pain relief when things aren't going as well or as fast as you would like
While thanking God in advance of His deliverance He shows me another 555 (I will deliver you from page 555 in my Bible)
Tyler finally tells me how he feels about the parental alienation
My reminding Tyler how BIG God is and that He is in control of all of this
Feeling tired and tempted to look at other women and insights about the war between the wretched flesh and Spirit
What my response is when I find my sexual appetite becoming a distraction and when greater temptation comes
There are times when everything in me wants to completely doubt God and say that I have misheard Him and I don't deserve to be delivered out of the situation I am in and I'm foolish to keep waiting for God to show up and deliver me
The story of the woman in church whose husband left, moved out of the country, got a woman pregnant and yet she is still waiting for him to come back years later
God's blessings can be seen in my heart even though not in my circumstances
A friend of mine opens up about his struggle to understand my finances and my inability to see my children
The sadness of being prevented from seeing the children for the Summer finally hits me and yet my faith is growing in the fire
My parents offer me $10,000 towards my child support in hopes of being able to get my ex-wife to let us have the children for the Summer, but I am unable to take it.
Explaining to my parents why God has allowed all of this to happen to me and why He has given me this particular suffering
I don't like these circumstances, but I love my God and I love what He is doing to my heart and I hate my natural self and yearn to be more like Jesus Christ
How can I be mad at my enemy when God is using her to do so much good in my life
Against all hope, my faith has become so strong that I couldn't give up on God even if I wanted to
Disciplining myself to do what I do not feel like doing
How I get myself through those dark and trying days where I just feel like junk
My real frustration when I see someone struggling for so long to get some basic in the Christian life
The horrific thought that I have influenced people or even discipled people who are going to still burn in hell forever
One of my strategies that has kept me overcoming all that Satan dishes out is the fact that I am always in the Word of God
A man in my Bible study is confused and wants to know why I can't take the money from my parents and I explain to him the money is coming from fear not faith
A flood of tempting arrows come to my mind about that Laura "look alike"
A wonderful encounter with an atheist on the mountain who grew up Christian but saw the hypocrisy
My ex-wife is ignoring all communication from me to arrange to pick up the children
I finally receive an email from my ex-wife where she is refusing to let me see the children
Commentary: Austin Sparks reading. Those who obey the most and are the most useful to God are those who will suffer the most even in all of its perplexity and contradiction
My faith is so strong and the peace so surpassing that it is unexplainable how I can feel towards my ex-wife the way I do
Now that my children can't come for the Summer, Satan sent his arrows "Now you have to move out again and where are you going to go." God showed me 616 "Take up the shield of faith"
You can know trouble is coming when God gives you peace in advance of the "storm"
Anticipating very hard days ahead if I don't get to see my children for the Summer but knowing already it will all be for God's glory and my good
Handing my card to three people at Panera Bread and thoughts on my approaching people with the Gospel
Gospel sharing analogy and thoughts on evangelizing
My ex-wife starts playing evil games of avoidance with me as I'm contacting her to make arrangements to pick up the children
Realizing I'm starting to become upset about the injustice of this because I'm looking at the circumstances and I NEED TO GO PRAY!
The Laura "look a like" runs right in front of my car at a stop light and it feels like a slap in the face from Satan
My frustrations with my mother's worldly attitude regarding the children coming for a visit
Commentary: E.M. Bounds on Prayer and Warfare with a special insight from me into what you have with God when you pray
The Lord told me to stay put and not to move into my friend's house
The Lord speaks to me in volumes including a very timely devotional about God's timing and Jesus intentionally delaying two more days with Lazarus
That same day, my mother comes to me and says, "Michael, you've only got two more days."
My mom puts pressure on me to get a cell phone but the Lord tells me again to wait
Another message to the children about living by faith
I run into an old "Starbucks" friend who knows Laura and puts the pressure on me to move forward with her
Amazing encounter with an old high school friend who is addicted to drugs and lost everything
Another dream about Laura which started out well and ended badly
Revelation on the lust of the eyes after seeing a couple standing around looking at a Mercedes to buy
Another divine encounter with a divorced man from Orlando, FL in the parking lot at the trail
I feel so much like junk in my body that I regret even coming up to the mountain
Describing my terrible health issue with my sinuses and how I have so many negative thoughts when I'm sick
My ex-wife is trying to prevent Tyler from being able to come for his summer time visitation with me because he needs to attend Summer school
Praying and trusting the Lord for everything regarding Summer time visitation
Recalling the teaching of Charles Stanley how we come out of all our fires much better than we went in...we are more than conquerors
A conversation about money with a friend quickly reminds me that not all people trust God like I'm currently doing
With only 4 days to leave, I have gotten to a place in my faith where I have no fear at all
A friend offers me to move in his house with only 4 days left to go, with no need to pay rent
The amazing Revelation I have had about Father using numbers to direct me
After seeing my friend's house and learning of the strong cat urine smell, I begin to wonder if this is really what the Lord has for me. Is this really his "favor"?
After much prayer and requests for guidance regarding the offer to move into my friend's house. I see 511 twice (persevere and stay put) and see then see 11:11 (Luke 11:11) The Lord is not going to give me a snake when I've asked for a fish
Discouragement in my ministry work and messages and feeling temptations to just quit
Another incredible 11:11 prophetic warning and timely grace to me before that woman shows back up in Starbucks, at a time I'm weak
The small evidences of God's providence and grace are evidence that He will help us with our big challenges and desires too, if we remain in faith and patience
My mother reminds me that I only have one week left until I have to be kicked out and that God is going to have be really busy in order to help me in such a short time period
The spiritual dream where everyone on the island is riding dirt bikes and ATV's and they are all headed in the opposite direction of me and my parents are careless and going shopping
I receive an anonymous $150 donation that gives me such gratitude and encouragement during a tough time where I have only 10 days left until I'm to move out.
After reading a book about being a good Dad to your daughters I start missing my children so badly and questioning why God would allow this to happen
A dreadful loneliness comes over me. Why can't I have a family like everyone else? I start crying very hard over how much I miss my children
More strong temptations come about not waiting for Laura
Enduring darkness...having lots of bad dreams...but continue to trust that the Lord will deliver me
Always reminding myself of what God has done in the past to deliver me
These long periods of waiting are continuing to develop my character
The need to be "naive" to the reality of your difficult circumstances by faith
God keeps showing me 525 and 919 when my anxiety goes up to keep me put
A wonderful encounter with two American Airlines Pilots at Starbucks
Describing my terrible health issue with my sinuses and how I have so many negative thoughts when I'm sick
A wonderful divine encounter and prayer with two college students on the mountain that blesses us all to the point of tears
Commentary: My ministry was first very much local, before it was internet based
Youtube and Vimeo has removed all my videos and testimony because of this copyright strike complaint
Feeling discouraged about my video being taken down and yet I had just prayed for God not to take my suffering away until I'm done
The sobering reality that what I'm doing is just NOT that important to God...I am not the Savior...He does not need me to save the world
Keeping this to myself so that I can maintain my trust in God alone to take of this
The Scriptures that God showed me to encourage me through this affliction
I begin to laugh at the absurdity of the afflictions I'm facing
Thoughts on trusting God in difficult circumstances and how are our own will gets in God's way
The purpose of so much of our suffering is to bring about death to self, learning to do His will, not ours
God begins to answer my prayer to defend me against this copyright strike and take down of my story video without me having to go to any man for help
The reasons God's mercies are new everyday
Some of my favorite Charles Stanley messages
The neat little ways God encourages us when our faith is weak
Many revelations on the persecution I have faced since taking the commands of Christ seriously
The growing grace I see not to have to defend myself when I am persecuted
Another amazing 11:11 prophetic warning from God about the woman who continues to pursue me and then she shows up at Starbucks right afterwards
Called up to the mountain to fight for my faith in the midst of discouragement about my faith for Laura
Hoping my friend Jeremiah will share his testimony from the stage at Lowe Mill and possible mention Relentlessheart.com for promotion
A blessed encounter with a youth minister on the top of the mountain
I told the Lord that I'm no longer afraid of my pride and that I'm ready for Him to promote my ministry
God answered my prayers to heal my knee and the cancerous spot on my arm with no need for a doctor visit.
Praying for God to promote the ministry and He shows me 11:22 Mark 11:22
Feeling nervous on the way to Lowe Mill after all my prayers for Him to promote me and to hopefully have Laura hear about RelentlessHeart
Nothing ends up happening that night. My friend did not promote the ministry and I did not see Laura, yet I remain in peace trusting God
I tried to put my story on YouTube for the 1st time, and I received two copyright strikes and YouTube restricted my video length to 15 min now so I cannot put my story up on YouTube.
Another terrible dream about my ex-wife
Commentary: Memorizing the word in your mind will do nothing for you if it's not obeyed from the heart
Nathan reading Hebrews 11 as his memory verse.
Capturing my thoughts on how I have been able to go this long, walking by faith alone, in the darkness, with almost no improvement or change in my circumstances
Commentary: Faith for the eternal is a higher faith than faith for the temporal
On May 19th 2014, I have only 115 subscribers after almost two years of work for the Lord and only about 30 people are watching consistently
The only way I make it is by daily intentional dependence on God
May 8th 2020 - Filled with a strong sense of joy and hope that God is going to bless me
See 919 and shortly after that I receive a job offer for a marketing position for a church from pastor Dan and then I see a 525
My mother continues to doubt I'm hearing from God correctly and I keep telling her to just keep watching
Commentary about Chelsea's prophetic shark and snake dreams
Recorded call with Chelsea as she tells of her dreams
Thoughts after a long talk with the children and Ashley tells me that their grandfather doesn't like me and it bothers her
The incredible blessing God has given me to protect my heart from anger and bitterness from all this parental alienation
The counsel I gave Nathan about dealing with the hurtful things his grandfather says to him
I've listened to Charles Stanley Message "When Faith Waivers" at least 20 times now.
I'm amazed with gratitude about how strong my faith has become as I look back on all the times I almost wanted to quit!
I'm still hoping for and believing the Lord for Laura one day
I'm still believing that someone will perhaps make a large donation to the ministry to help me get my head back above water
My prayers for my friend Jeremiah to promote the RelentlessHeart ministry from his concert stage on Friday night at Lowe Mill
Commentary about another example of how often I am wrong when I conjecture, presume and assume about how, when, and where God will answer my prayers
Strong temptations when I meet a woman on the mountain who looks very similar to Laura
When I get back to the parking lot, that woman's car is the only other one in the lot
My mom says the woman she sees at Lowe Mill, that she believes is Laura, seems to her to be too worldly to be someone I would be interested in as a wife
Feeling indignation towards how little discernment the body of Christ has when a lady I know tells me that her church is embracing "Rob Bell" teachings.
My twins Ashley and Kaley turned 7 today on May 1st.
I come back from a delightful time in prayer in the woods and my mom comes to me in great fear and panic about the sore on my arm practically demanding that I go to a doctor
My mother and I have more conflict because I'm living in faith and she is living in fear
The ultimate test of the truth when two different people believe opposite of one another is to "recognize the tree by its fruit"
The greatest frustration I've had in the last few years is having to see my mother's unbelief over and over
The true Spirit filled Christian and the Counterfeit spirit filled Christian
Telling my mother she will one day be ashamed when the Lord delivers me in the face of her years of unbelief
Revelations on becoming more weak and needy before the Lord rather than trying to be strong in yourself
The importance of Bible reading each day and not just for 5 minutes
Insights on worrying about how other people feel about us and how foolish it is to derive our value from people made of dust
A very simple Gospel explanation to share with others
Sharing with my men's Bible study group a two recent divine encounters I had with others while I'm out
I wake up worried and the next thing I see is a 555
I'm terrified to think that I may not be able to see my children for the Summer
Reflections on the wonderful Jesus talk that came out of Ashley the night after my mom asks if I could be causing my children to stumble
More insights about pride and how Satan tempts us even to prideful thoughts
My ex mother-in-law stirs up trouble for me after I send a video to the children to explain why I can't come and get them for Spring Break, telling my dad and mother that I'm making it sound like God has told me to kill my children.
The audio from the actual video I made to the children on March 15th, 2014 explaining to them why God wasn't allowing me to come see them again.
Encouraging my friend to give something to God that He can work with when He was in a time of fear
God giving me courage and creative ways of getting my testimony and the gospel of Christ in front of others
An email from my father Michael Chriswell to my mother which I know is more attempts to block my walking with God by faith
Commentary: The need to have a very strong desire to enter into the kingdom of God, a desire that is willing to suffer the loss of other valuable things or people
The winds blowing in my circumstances are not tossing me back and forth like they used to
Another message to my children about how to walk through darkness while waiting for and trusting in God
An adorable phone call about Jesus with my six year old daughter Ashley Chriswell
A friend and man in my Bible study urges me to promote the ministry to more people, but God tells me to stay put
Commentary about pressure from others to get ahead of God regarding the promotion of my teachings and ministry
Insights about discerning the Lord's will in the face of lots of people saying to me, "If I were you and it were me..."
More insights about how wise Father is to make us wait and wait and wait
When God orders our steps, He is playing for eternity, not just our temporal perspective
Crying about how long it's been since I've seen my children and yet realizing this is exactly something God would do
Commentary on Mark 10:28-30 You cannot out give God
A tearful and thankful pray to Father about how I trust Him and know He has a good purpose for all of this suffering I'm going through
The Holy Spirit lets me know that I will turn around and see a 919 while I'm listening to a Charles Stanley message on Waiting for God
YOUTUBE VIDEO MENTIONED IN THIS MESSAGE:
In a surprising moment, my mother, comes to me and apologizes to me for how she yelled at my step-father and it brings me to tears
I begin to see other dramatic changes in my mom and a separation from some of what I have showed her to be error in the Charismatic church
The incredible experience where sometimes God allows me to feel the Love that He has for a particular person
Biblical advice on a lady who is living with a stripper
The ladies in my mother's Bible study believe that all sickness comes from Satan and I showed her in Scripture how that is not true.
Commentary: Explaining the Sovereign hand of God and trusting in the Mystery of His providence, using 212 and Laura as an example.
Father will parent you uniquely. Don't be surprised when God's providence in your life doesn't make any sense
Feeling a noticeable surge in my faith for Laura
I am ABSOLUTELY DETERMINED to be one of those radical fools who trusts God no matter what!
Commentary: How God used Laura as a "way of escape" for me in accordance to his principle in 1 Cor 10:13
A man in my Bible study opens up humbly to me about his fear and anxiety in finances
Receive a notice from Florida Child support saying I owe $15k
Commentary: The very good reasons why God allowed me to get so far behind on child support and didn't answer my prayers
Feeling such sadness about the lost, especially those in my own family.
Realizing God uses false teachers like Bill Johnson of Bethel Church to test believers, just like Deu 13 says
Seek obedience, not experience. Genuine experience will come after genuine obedience.
So few Charismatics never question their "spiritual" experiences
Satan gives people spiritual experiences to keep them in the counterfeit
Realizing the promise of God that says the man who fears the Lord, God makes even their enemies to live at peace with them, is actually coming to pass for me
Insights and revelations about attempts at reconciliation with old friends from old church after I took a stand and left
So thankful for my living relationship with Father and for His daily guidance
The blessing of reading In Step with God by Charles Stanley and finding that God is dealing with me the exact same way as He has Charles
The day of my being homeless is coming soon and I'm still waiting on God. The pressure is building, but my faith is increasing even more.
Mom asks what am I doing about finding a place to live. I tell her I'm waiting. She again says I'm wrong and I tell her, "Mom, you will see"
I'm filled with so much faith at this time by the grace of Christ
Trusting God with the "skin cancer" area on my arm
The woman who I fell into sin with comes up to me boldly to talk while I'm working at Starbucks after seeing 11:11 three times yesterday
God confirms for me to talk about what He has done but now how He did it (with the numbers) for now, by a talk I had with Mary at Starbucks
Two important spiritual disciplines I have maintained in my walk so far. 1. Remaining in Christ's love by faith even when it doesn't feel like it. 2. A habit of praising God and giving Him thanks!
Revelations on how my faith waivers when I put my eyes back on the circumstances and how to keep my faith strong It can take a long time learning to transition from relying on self to relying on God
Questioning my sharing of the numbers in my divorce story based on the fact that it might be a stumbling block to others
An idea for helping youth to desire a relationship with God using their favorite celebrity as an example
Using an illustration of Ricky Carmichael and Kelly Slater to help reach youth to desire God
The temptation to look at other women came on strong again during a time when I was feeling sick
Knowing Laura is at the local venue where I first met her and resisting the temptation to get ahead of God in this
Commentary about seeing Laura with a beer and how disappointed I was
Revelation on Heb 12 "for the joy set before Him" is actually partly about us, his bride.
The Lord gives me insight about not sharing the numbers yet in the main part of my story
More insights on seeing pride in my heart
Seeing the wonderful wisdom of God to continually hold me back and keep my waiting
My mother questions if I could be in violation of Jesus' command not to cause little children to stumble, by doing what I'm doing with my own children
Commentary: Discerning a counterfeit. How similar I am to David Koresh and what are the differences between my faith and his?
It's okay, to be not okay. Thoughts on weakness in the body and when it has nothing to do with your spiritual condition.
Commentary on sickness and how it has been a larger blessing to many of God's most blessed saints than even health has
Realizing my men's Bible study tonight was done in my own strength and realizing how I can't do anything apart from the Spirit's enabling
God shows me a 701 (Proverbs 7:1) right in the moment during the Bible study where I was struggling to remember where certain verses where
Dream about flimsy tri-pod at the beach that I could not get to stand up no matter how hard I tried. Then realizing I had been trusting in myself during the Bible study, not in the Spirit of Christ.
Two very timely donations of $100 that blesses me to keep going
A commentary about forgiveness for a woman who is teaching a Bible study and asked for my input.
Realizing a growing temptation to pride and self exaltation in the fruit which God is producing in my ministry and life.
Feeling weak in flesh and vulnerable in my spirit and realizing I need to be on guard
Commentary about the power of the Spirit to overcome the weakness of sickness
Faith must go far beyond feelings
I'm noticing an increasing amount of spiritual attacks from my efforts in the ministry
Seeing an increase in energy and joy for ministry work even though my circumstances are not changing at all
Perseverance is the key to the Christian life...keep going...keep trusting
Gustavo's small group serves an old man who felt condemned because he doesn't speak in tongues, the day after I made a message about this exact thing
Recognizing the small Providences of God to confirm my work and messages and bring about His will in my life
Shocked to discover that the Alpha course has embraced the terrible false teacher John Wimber from the "Vineyard Movement"
The Deuteronomy 13 test of believers with false prophets
How compromise on the word in small ways which lead us to big ways
A very hard talk with my children about my not being able to come for a visit and the slander that their grandfather is speaking against me
Commentary about God not answering my prayers about the children
Helping my children understand that my issue that is preventing me from seeing them is not willingness or desire, it is ability.
My daughter Chelsea asks me how I know that God is speaking to me
I will be kicked out of my parents house in two months and I have such peace right now
Incredibly timely lessons from a Charles Stanley Devotion on faith which gave me so much encouragement
Noticing more and more contentment regarding all my desires
My financial circumstances are still so bleak, but I see that a few people are being moved to help me in accordance with Galatians 6:6
My subscribers are really blessed by the quality of my videos, but my subscribers are growing very slowly
Having to be VERY careful not to take my eyes off of Jesus and put them back on my circumstances so that I do not start to sink
Commentary about how we are strengthened in our unbelief when we attempt to deliver ourselves rather than waiting on God for deliverance
Commentary about how God is using his judgments like Coronavirus the same way he did with Pharaoh, to harden their hearts, preventing them from being able to come to repentance in Revelation 16
Feel the fear of having to tell my children that I cannot come and see them again for Spring Break
The fear I felt of disobeying God after reading Numbers 14
A very encouraging meeting with a widower at church named Dwight
Commentary: Notice how God ramps up the guidance when my temptation is the highest
Commentary: How you can see Father's meaning in all this with the example of Him showing me 622 and 801 back to back
Oswald Chambers says you know your obedience has been made complete when you obey regardless of the circumstances
A single's Bible study meeting makes me conscience of the fact that people praise me and it begins to really bother me
I realize this is a test for me during this time when I have nothing else that works in my life
Father warns me again with a 666 and 15 min later I receive a very nasty email from my ex-wife about my video to the children
God gives me more and more light on the deep work He does during long periods of waiting
The strong desire I have to be with my adorable children
Realizing God is making sure I am mature and complete lacking nothing through all this waiting
Capturing what it feels like to have wavering faith for so long
Reasoning through my doubts against the Sovereignty of God
The goal of God is to make me more like Jesus Christ and that comes through suffering.
Answering the question: "Is God who He says He really is?"
Sometimes I'm afraid to admit my weariness to the Lord
Even if I have heard from God wrong, I know by faith He will use all of this for my good
Remembering to ask is anything too difficult for the Lord?
The comfort I have found from journaling my thoughts all these years
The tears I cry over how hard waiting on God in this way with my children has been
Major marks of the true Christian is a striving to enter the narrow gate, a sense of persevering in your faith, and no thirst for things in the world.
Some reconciliation with my two close friends that were mad at me
I hear an alarming message from John MacArthur where he says that the Lord has never spoken to him outside of the Bible
I become increasingly frustrated with not being able to find a "church" after attending a local John MacArthur Grace Community Church
Finding it so difficult to fit my walk with the Lord that I'm enjoying back into one of these "Churches"
Starting to realize I'm not going to see the children for Spring Break either as the Lord continues to show me 919 and have received so little
Realizing the difference between devotion time and study time and how study time cannot replace devotional time
The transformation in my heart is still the greatest evidence I have that God is with me and that I have heard from Him correctly
Feelings of inadequacy came over me as I saw the video of another minister when I still only have 100 subscribers. Then I took it to the Lord and became thankful for my little ministry
Realizing how much one soul is worth times eternity
My mother brings me a devotion that says false teachers don't respect authority and connects that to me
The timing of the attacks are fascinating to me and cannot be coincidence
Sensing a new gentleness and joy as I made videos in the woods
Charles Stanley teaching on all true Christians have a supernatural faith in a supernatural God and expect big things from God
My faith continues to be so shaky and my circumstances financially are still so bleak
My faith is wavering as I consider that I might not be able to go get my children again and I'm afraid of what they will think and others will think about it
Expressing my frustrations as I feel so beat down and so tired and so hurt by all the death to self
The only thing that is working in my life is my faith in God
Realizing that right now the most important thing I can do is to keep my faith strong NO MATTER what it takes
Realizing how much my health issues are negatively impacting my faith
The sad story about Chelsea crying after the Grandmother ridicules her choice to put a picture of she and I in her photo album as the opening pic
Commentary: Resisting the temptation to deliver yourself and instead remaining patient to wait for God to act on your behalf
Realizing I'm being disobedient by distracting myself from the pain of memorizing the teachings of Jesus Christ
God speaks to me a most providential time showing me 7:01 "keep my words"
I now have a better understanding about how Job felt about his "friends"
My mother comes to me and asks if I possibly have an evil spirit leading me
My former pastor tells my mother, "Michael's not only wrong, he's dead wrong"
The people who mock me are all people who have never taken up their cross and fully surrendered themselves to God
Cute recordings of my 6 year old twins Ashley and Kaley reciting a Bible verse from memory and singing a song
The pain of being without my children
Reasoning out the idea that I'm violating the passage in Timothy 5:8 that says a man who doesn't provide for his immediate family is worse than an unbeliever
Realizing that Father has ordered this situation for me to break me from the strong ability in me of "self-sufficiency"
Realizing that I'm experiencing death to self
My faith has now become weaker than at any point in the past year
I'm careful not to share my situation with anyone behind me in faith so as not to cause them to stumble over what God is doing with me and the suffering I'm going through
Wrestling with my natural disposition and my desire to be gentle
How God has used this difficult time to create a strong desire in me to pay child support even though I will be doing so to an evil person who won't likely use much of it to benefit the children
Pride is so much deeper than I have ever imagined and fighting for humility is much harder than fighting from humility
My children asking for gifts brings such sadness to my heart knowing I have not even a dollar to send them
Realizing that I'm not as mature in my faith as I have thought I am and that I have much to learn and grow in order to survive this dark world coming upon us. I have much maturing to do
This difficult faith and waiting journey is SO much longer than we ever think
What kind of value can I place on the heart work Father is doing on me through all this suffering?
The lowest a man can go is to the place of not being able to provide for his own beloved children
God uses a passage in a John Piper book at the book store for a timely encouragement for me to persevere
Having to help two ladies whose son's are struggling with mental issues
I receive a scathing email from the wife of my once good friend, whose birthday party I refused to attend because members of my old church were attending and our relationship is officially separated
Unwilling to compromise what I believe to be the truth for ANY family or friends
A person can look so very godly on the outside and still be so very deceived upon closer look
A powerful message and encouragement from Charles Stanley
Jesus Christ is not a belief system, but our Lord
Commentary: You will refute every tongue that accuses you and receive vindication from the Lord
An increasing awareness that I'm fighting for the strong faith of others in God, not just mine or my children's
My desire to be a type of modern day "George Muller" to strengthen the faith of believers today
Obeying God like this is terrifying at times
Thoughts on others comparing the providence of God in my life to the providence of God in their life
I've never doubted God, but only whether I've heard from Him correctly or not
You have to stop "discerning" things based on how you feel
More doubts about my faith in the face of increasing pressure and criticism about my decision to distance from my friends
The blessing of being called to the hospital in an emergency to pray for a friend's wife and baby born in distress
The blessing of being used by God to love and serve others.
Crying my eyes out after the Lord speaks to clearly to me Numbers 9:19 in an amazing way, after crying out desperately needing to hear from him
The nightmare I had of being on stage and not able to find a verse that I quote to the church. God gave this to me to motivate me to keep memorizing the Scripture
I'm becoming a problem for many people. Many are talking about me, and yet I have NOTHING and am so insignificant. This is just like Jerusalem
How my mother is using Scripture, pretending to be interested in my opinion, to try to draw me into a conversation so she can show me that I'm wrong
This incredible contentment coming to me regarding Laura has been so amazing
Receiving contentment is the same things as receiving your heart's desire
More insights on waiting on God and growing in my faith
A recording about how quickly I can fall back into doubt even after God showed me that extraordinary 9:19 as as sign
The neat way God used the InTouch Ministries Magazine to encourage me again at a very specific place
God has been using me to help people who are going through worse things than me just not being able to pay child support yet
My mother uses a C.S. Lewis teaching to say that I am wrong and misguided
My mother uses the Bible to try to pressure me into her thinking after reprimanding me for getting mud on her $1,000 rug
Incredible example of God's encouragement to me while I'm listening to a Charles Stanley message and talking about God delivering me with a timely 555
An opportunity to explain to my mother all the reasons why I believe the Rock church is wrong comes up after she judges me harshly for not going to my friends party because church members will be there
Commentary: Discerning the counterfeit, the swimming pool dream and the extreme external pressure from others to accept their counterfeit faith
Commentary: The counterfeit of being "slain in the Spirit"
Having a severe moment of doubt that I have heard from God correctly.
LAUGHING COMMENTARY: The letter from John Berridge to a minister in the 1700's which just has me laughing out loud.
Revelations on waiting for God and realizing it's truly about the journey, not the destination
Walking with God is the highest goal of the Christian life
To others my life looks like I have been smitten by God because they are looking at my circumstances, my outward life
Listing the changes I see in my heart like the fact that I no longer fear men or desire their praise
Message to my children about the true evidence of knowing God and walking with Him
The longer the waiting period the more your faith is being tested and the stronger it will be and the sweeter will be the deliverance
The word of the Lord has been testing me until it comes to past just like with Joseph in Psalm 105:19
When God gives you a promise..HE WILL bring it to pass!
Waiting upon the Lord is one of the most important principles God has been teaching me
Obedience brings immediate suffering not immediate blessing
Living in purity and denial of self will cause much suffering
Lessons on temptation, sin, forgiveness from God and forgiveness of self
Teaching my children how to study the Bible with a focus on learning how God has dealt with those who have gone before us
Another very bizarre dream about Laura where I see her but I cannot find her
Revelations on contentment and how much simpler my life has become as I've grown in contentment
Worship is for God, not for us...most large churches have good music
Lust of the eyes lessons from a beautiful woman at Starbucks
See 1055 again after praying about the divorce court story
Glorious fruit in spite of the fact that my circumstances are still so bad. Indeed I have become poor while others are becoming rich
Not willing to compromise and attend a party with my former close friends because so many from my old church will be there.
Asking the Lord to please give me guidance after mom tells me I only have 90 days until they are kicking me out.
Crying through my doubts and reasoning out my faith that God has been speaking to me by numbers and that I'm not deceived
Realizing even Gideon had to ask for a sign three times in order to know that it was the Lord speaking to him.
Feeling so alone in my experience...there is no one who can validate this experience I'm having except God.
Example after example from Scripture that shows God asking me to walk into contradictory circumstances which make no sense at all
Asking the question, "If I keep going like this, just how strong will my faith be one day?"
Commentary: "Are you living by faith?"
Father shows me another significant 777 and 1055 (Psalm 105:5), without me realizing the court papers are going to arrive the next day.
The papers came in, but for the first time, there is not sickness or queezy feelings in my stomach. There is a much higher faith here now.
Commentary about seeing life circumstances and God's promises through the eyes of faith, not the eyes of human understanding
Realizing how much the perseverance through the suffering has shaped and changed my character
The greatest evidence that God is with me, is not in my circumstances, but in seeing how much I have changed
February 14th, 2014, the day I opened the letter from divorce court to see a total reversal of the Glorious judgment God made in my favor.
My thoughts on how my faith is being tested through this experience
The test of Elijah has come to me…something He gave life to at once, has now died
Amazed that God has allowed me to stand under such a blow like this
Two men with the church want to meet with me to talk about why I left and I see the very subtle deception they are in
Revelation about forgiveness: When it's hard for a person to forgive, they haven't yet heard or understood the True Gospel
A bold prayer to Father to show me He is with me financially
A change in the way I teach
Reflections on my talk to a large group of elderly Baptist women from ages 60-80
The negative thoughts that filled my heart after the ladies gave me $50 after my sermon and how Satan used it to create doubt that I could ever afford to serve the Lord
Reading a certain book by Joshua Harris caused me to become a bit anxious about moving forward with the woman I was waiting for
Such a gigantic test of my faith when Father tells me to remember the wonders He has done and yet the biggest one (court victory) has been reversed by Satan
Father is testing and building my faith at a whole new level with this trial
Commentary on the highest faith in the Bible and how God was working into my the faith of Job
Commentary on God doing another part of my marriage story in two years to the day and how to know God's will about moving forward
God is giving me the ability to take these offenses as water on a duck's back
Praying and asking for Father to move on someone's heart to give to my work so I can regularly pay my child support
God is filling me with so much hope by the Scriptures He is showing me and they are all causing me to expect a spectacular restoration
Blessed is the man whose confidence is in Him! I am crying out for God to bring so much glory through my life
Commentary about my hoping someone would donate $50k to bail me out and how I'm so thankful the Lord never let that happen now
The real cost of faith and living the blessed life
Isolated and Alone, but NOT lonely
Thoughts on childlike faith and humility as I prepared to teach a gathering of elderly ladies as a local Baptist Church
A very emotional recording about how much I love Him and how much I know people are missing out on this!
My circumstances have been so flat for so long that I can't get into my mind that God could turn this all around?
The Deep anguish I feel reflecting on how long it has been that the Lord has made me deny myself by not allowing me to provide for my own children
How hard it is for me to believe God could be speaking Mark 1:11 over me
My motive is not to hurt others, because I love them, but I am willing that other be hurt by defending the truth and sound doctrine
Blessed are the peacemakers, but NOT at the expense of the truth
What I see that is worse than abortion
The irony I see of the Catholic position on abortion
Another difficult day where I cry out to Father for help and guidance and He sends encouragement with James 5:11, 1001 and 955
Feeling temptations to hope one of these elderly ladies will donate money to my ministry at a church meeting I'm speaking at soon
Capturing again how easily it is for me to become discouraged by my ministry results after looking at the small number of 10 video views on my latest video.
Realizing I'm also frustrated because I'm on my 3rd day of no carbs
The struggles I feel in my singleness and seeing other woman when I'm out
How Father opened my eyes to the need for diligent study of the word of God BEFORE I teach something
Father seems to be showing me again that He will deliver me and I just need to keep trusting Him
God gives me a double confirmation of "Go in peace...your faith has healed you." by showing me back to back 848 and 922
The astonishing timing of Satan's attacks through my mother again
Struggling to listen to my mother as she relates a near death experience that I believe is totally false
My mother accuses me of being all about myself as we talk about truth and error
Commentary about disunity between Christian talkers and walkers
The lesson learned of "I should have just walked away" rather than engaging someone who Satan has taken captive
The Lord has restored my peace as I just stood and waited on Him
Reflecting back on my over zealousness and how I have misheard God and gotten too excited at times and gotten ahead of Him
It's humbling to listen to old recordings and hear of my weakness
Feeling God is encouraging me with 212 regarding my future wife
Realizing several people will be discouraged about God using numbers to speak to me
There is a high cost to pay in order for God to speak to you
The lesson of Jacob -- I'm Not letting go of God until He blesses me
The more you hold on to God, the less of you there will be
The story of why I'm leaving my church
How God used John MacArthur and the book Strange Fire to open my eyes to the other side of theology
I finally got my driver's license after about 90 days of waiting
Realizing God intentionally quarantined me to teach me and "unteach" me many things
God uses me in a divine encounter with the driver's license clerk
Father keeps showing me numbers ending in 55, many of which point to Scriptures telling me I will one day testify of His faithfulness with shouts
Seeing the Romans 8:28 in the fact that without having a phone and driver's license for many months, God has worked a greater level of contentment in my heart
God showing me 919 many times suddenly and I begin to wonder what God is trying to warn me about
Very strong commentary of indignation against my former pastor and mega church and all mega churches
The most frustrated and weary I've been...yelling out to God for relief in all areas
Satan attacking my ministry efforts...questioning why I am even doing all this work
Doubting everything and realizing why it is so easy for some people to commit suicide
The tearing down and shaking of everything is making me so weak and weary and yet I have evidence in my heart that my heart is still changing for Christ
God gloriously answers my prayer for encouragement and also has someone give me a $100 bill
Satan attempts to offend me again right after a blessing, just as always
God's mercies are indeed NEW everyday
Thankfulness for the hard truth being preached at this new church I'm attending
Amazing 777 providential signs from the Lord to encourage me to remember His promises to defend me in the court
Lessons I see from Gideon's life which are taking place in my life right now
Reflecting back on the spiritual journey that has brought me to this place of having God's guidance like this
Commentary on Spiritual adultery and purity of heart
I'm still holding on to God, not matter what the outcome is. I choose to believe He is still in control and still aware of all that is happening to me
God shows me the number 1255
What happened when I tried to watch 5 hours of TV in one day, just to rest from my studies
Backslider commentary refuting Charles Stanley's teaching that you can be in a backslidden state when you die and still go to heaven
Feeling my "functional faith" weakened by the fiasco of breaking away from my "church" and trying to find out who is right
God leading me with Luke 11:33 to share with others what I've been learning about the Charismatic movement, etc.
The principle of tearing down in order to build up
The bloody eye dream about Laura
Commentary about the dream and about God using Laura
The Lord keeps telling me to memorize the teachings of Jesus Christ and how I'm struggling with that
The lesson of George Muller to "NOT" work a deliverance for myself which will develop unbelief
The suffering that continues as God tells me to continue to wait for Him to act on my behalf
More confirmation with Chris that God is telling me to stay away from the Charismatic church and to stay the course
The morning I had nothing short of a spiritual panic attack as Satan attacks my mind about my leaving the church, my difficult circumstances and people all turning against me
Feeling overwhelmed and wearied by all of this learning and knowing I must take a break from it all
Feeling so discouraged when I see that New Agers are seeing some of the same numbers I am
Feeling so confused and upset that I'm crying out to God for mercy
I'm burning inside my spirit with indignation towards the false teachers of Charismatic Madness
Spiritual confusion as I get so upset after hearing Charles Stanley teach you can get saved, backslide, stay backslidden, and still be saved.
My pleading with God for understanding with my struggles to understand the two extremes between the Charismatics and John MacArthur
Everything we have in our life before coming to Christ, God sees it all as coming from our previous lover, the world. This is why God demands our full surrender so that there are no other Lord or lovers competing for our heart
Insights of how Father feels about us, from the earthly illustration of marriage
My anger towards the fact that so many people believe in this false gospel among so many Charismatics
Another message to my children about what I've learned about discerning people, spirits and the Truth
Commentary on discerning both the kindness and sternness of God in His messenger
I receive the terrible news of a total reversal from the divorce court
Michael Commentary
God told me I could trust Him and I didn't have to go to the court
He keeps showing me 1055 (Psalm 105:5) which I have to do by faith
Went to God in my fear, and put into practice my faith
I encouraged myself with Scriptures and then the supernatural peace of God came after only 4-5 minutes
Again these are circumstances that contradict the promise. It looked like they were able to turn God's hand back.
Satan tempting me to wonder if I have done something wrong to lose God's favor in this
The temptation to quickly save myself and quit the ministry and take a job
All these years later, God has kept His promise...I have not been touched in any way, other than the parental alienation, which God allowed, by any of the things they put in the agreement.
You've heard the clip of my ex-wife even just on Nov 12th, 2019 court hearing saying, "for 10 years the court has done nothing."
It's time to pray...
God shows me 777 three times in 3 minutes after receiving the bad news from the court
My mother comes to me again and tries to pressure me again and God moves on my friends heart to call me at 9:19 am while she is talking to me
She again accuses me on not living what the Bible says because God has asked me to sit still
My faith is causing heart burn in Christians all around me
The incredible story of God taking me from sheer panic to total peace in under 5 minutes through prayer
Knowing God will deliver me because He said so, not because I simply hope so.
The long email I sent to my pastor after my mom went and asked him to please help me because she felt I had a mental illness
I am all alone in my faith, but I am not giving up on God. I am going to trust Him steadfastly
A message to my children about how to discern if you are in the true will of God and how to discern the criticism and concerns of others
Wrestling with all my thoughts and experiences about the "Prophetic" gifts in the body of Christ
Realizing one of my vulnerabilities has been how I "felt" about many things
Seeing the "Lordless" gospel
Realizing the truth and joy about being a "slave" to Christ
Wondering about why God has chosen to communicate to me using numbers that point to Scriptures
Commentary on the amazing Guidance of God as promised in the Scriptures
My increasing hatred towards sin and frustration that so many others in "church" continue to live in it
Sadness of the fact that I have so easily believed lies which men have taught me
Revelations on the dangers of chasing the "experiences" or "power" of God
God is not the one who puts "Gold teeth" in people's mouths
A tough 24 hours and realizing it is all coming from God
So thankful God is opening my eyes and how much my heart is changing
Affliction continues as my mom goes and has a meeting with my old pastor to talk about my "mental illness" and try to get him to help me
My studies of the N.A.R. (New Apostolic Reformation) are showing me this is all a counterfeit from Satan
I come across a website about numbers and that the number 555 is evil
Short commentary warning again about seeing numbers
God gives me 1001, 10ll and 511 promises.
I am either the most delusional person I've ever met, or the most blessed. Only time will tell.
The sinful nature rails against this kind of faith in God...it always remains an atheist
Proof that the numbers I see are God's divine guidance to me through His word
Commentary on the only path to spiritual abundance and life to full in Christ, Psalm 66:10-12
My circumstances as a Christian are exact opposite of what everyone else desires in their life
I know by experience what Paul means when he said "I no longer live...Christ Jesus lives in me."
Looking forward to dying in Christ
My walk with Christ will one day be proof of God's goodness to my children
God speaks and gives guidance to those who fear Him
A tough 24 hours and realizing it is all coming from God
So thankful God is opening my eyes and how much my heart is changing
Affliction continues as my mom goes and has a meeting with my old pastor to talk about my "mental illness" and try to get him to help me
My studies of the N.A.R. (New Apostolic Reformation) are showing me this is all a counterfeit from Satan
I come across a website about numbers and that the number 555 is evil
Short commentary warning again about seeing numbers
God gives me 1001, 10ll and 511 promises.
I am either the most delusional person I've ever met, or the most blessed. Only time will tell.
The sinful nature rails against this kind of faith in God...it always remains an atheist
Proof that the numbers I see are God's divine guidance to me through His word
Commentary on the only path to spiritual abundance and life to full in Christ, Psalm 66:10-12
My circumstances as a Christian are exact opposite of what everyone else desires in their life
I know by experience what Paul means when he said "I no longer live...Christ Jesus lives in me."
Looking forward to dying in Christ
My walk with Christ will one day be proof of God's goodness to my children
God speaks and gives guidance to those who fear Him
God confirms my judgment of the rotten fruit among Charismatics through a book.
A wonderful example of how Father answers my prayer to refresh my spirit with a special email
The exhaustion of all this new study regarding cessastionists vs continuists. I see that there has to be a breaking down before there can be a building up.
More explanation why God is leading me to leave the Charismatic church
The willingness to put all that I believe about God and the Holy Spirit on the table before the Lord
See Luke 11:11 warning (not yet knowing what he is telling me) and then a Gal 5:25 and Numbers 9:19 warning to stay put right as my mom comes at me with more pressure to move off of waiting for God
My two favorite ministers at this time are Charles Stanley and John MacArthur but I'm not yet sure if John believes God will speak to you personally outside of His word like Charles and I do.
Seeing how people can go to seminary and lose the Lord. Study is not sitting in His presence.
Talk with my daughter Chelsea about my faith after her grandfather creates doubt in her mind about God speaking to me and directing to me
Commentary on the absolute need for prayer
God leads me to Jeremiah 17:5-8 and shows me how this curse applies to those deceived in the Charismatic movement
More revelations about how I was being sucked into the Charismatic movement and why it's so easy to get sucked in and so hard to leave
The Anatomy of a False Prophecy and Discerning a False Prophet
Many many thoughts about tongues, signs miracles and wonders
The call to real Holiness by the Authentic Holy Spirit
Realizing the Bible is a means to an end. Do you have the END?
The difference between justification and sanctification and the absolute need for sanctification if one wants to be saved
What true saving faith really looks like
Healing video mentioned in this video: CLICK HERE
Another terrible demonic attack in my dreams as I'm learning about the counterfeit deceptions of the Charismatic movement
My faith goes through a MAJOR shaking as I continue to read the book Strange Fire and am confronted by the opposite of what I have been starting to believe.
Revelations about Reinhard Bonnke and him being a false prophet
Many insights about false prophets and false prophecy that the Lord is opening my eyes to
The contradiction between the gift of tongues and the lack of holiness in the lives of the "tongue" speakers
The connection I see between the people who are drawn to Charismatic churches and the people who are drawn to Network Marketing or MLM
The courage to stand up for the truth in my church, no matter how people turn against me
True love doesn't look the other way. True love speaks up and warns others
If the fruit of Christ is not seen in the people in a church, what spirit is at work?
Preparing myself to have to confront my church family about my new understanding rather than compromising and saying to myself, "I'm just being fanatical"
The above message is entirely commentary. I point out what I believe to be the temptations and Biblical dangers associated with going to extremes, by comparing and contrasting the Charismatic Movement vs. John MacArthur and the Sola Scriptura camp.
The Lord has restored my peace as I just stood and waited on Him
Reflecting back on my over zealousness and how I have misheard God and gotten too excited at times and gotten ahead of Him
It's humbling to listen to old recordings and hear of my weakness
Feeling God is encouraging me with 212 regarding my future wife
Realizing several people will be discouraged about God using numbers to speak to me
There is a high cost to pay in order for God to speak to you
The lesson of Jacob -- I'm Not letting go of God until He blesses me
The more you hold on to God, the less of you there will be
The story of why I'm leaving my church
How God used John MacArthur and the book Strange Fire to open my eyes to the other side of theology
My greatest torment in my soul so far is being around professing believers who have no love of God in their heart
My laments about the teachings of Joseph Prince which stop short of the full truth
Revelation about the birds of prey devouring our sacrifice in Genesis 15:11
Thoughts on not going beyond what is written
God shows me Romans 8:18 again and again to comfort me in my suffering
Questioning why is it so easy to be so downcast in my soul
The revelation that I am only suffering the persecution of others and not the real consequences of what they have all said would happen to me.
Distinguishing between happiness and joy and even though I don't have much happiness, I still have much joy
Enduring the cross for the joy set before us on the other side of the cross
In a moment of weak faith, I ask the Lord to refresh me and He reminds me I have put my eyes back on my circumstances and off of Him.
Taking back up my shield of faith by reflecting on God's promises
There are just going to be days that are very difficult, no matter how much Bible reading and praying we do
Not feeling well physically is affecting my faith too, but I took encouragement from the story of Gideon
Struggling to keep my eyes on Jesus because my circumstances are so visible
The temptation to quit, get a job, and just shrink back from faith in God
Speaking directly to my children, "It will take so much longer than you think when God asks you to trust Him with something difficult"
Waiting on God means you are surrendered to Him
The Toughest struggle of my life has been waiting on God...I have such a strong desire to quit because quitting would be so much easier
The Christian life is so bipolar and we have so many ups and downs because we have such leaky hearts and forget so quickly the Lord's past faithfulness to us
Telling God I want to quit, but praying He will never let me do so
All of my being is staggering in weariness...during prayer God shows me again on Heb 12:2
No Money for Christmas for the 1st time in my life, shows me that God indeed closed the door for me to be able to see the children for Xmas
Days later the Lord encourages me through two other people regarding my faith to one day be married again
Hello, World!
Mom comes to me with last minute "deliverance" idea. God shows me 919 in advance to tell me to stay put. She calls my thinking delusional
Commentary explaining the climax of my pain when the moment comes for me to tell the children God has not delivered me and I cannot come get them.
Crying clip of my anguish as I wait for the children to call me to give them the bad news
Commentary with encouraging insights as I look back on the crosses I have had to take up and what God has finally brought about
Revelations on just how difficult strong faith really is
I increasingly feel like a foreigner to those who live the self-sufficient life, ignorant of the life of true faith in God
The toughest phone call I've ever had to make, calling my children to tell them I cannot come and get them
The suffering of walking totally in the "dark" and having no idea what will come next as my circumstances worsen
Commentary on contentment
Running out of tears, but I'm still willing to be one of those FOOLS in the Bible who trusts God not matter what!
Realizing more and more that the work of God we must do is to "Believe Him" and trust Him
Realizing it is the professing believers around me who do not actually know the Lord that have been the one's most used to distract me or pull me away from obeying God
Anticipating the frustration of trying to explain my current walk of faith to my father who is lost and has no faith in the One True God
I feel myself looking at how dire the circumstances are and I'm starting to sink
Persevere...persevere...fighting to keep the faith
Mom asks if I'm not taking her help to go to the Florida to get the kids because I'm afraid of going to jail?
God encouraging me to persevere with 11:22 and 11:01 (Mark 11:22 and Heb 11:1
A list of several ways I could take matters into my own hands and work a deliverance for myself
Realizing how hard it is to persevere and keep the faith
Explaining the truth to my children about their pastor who sinned and then killed himself
I over hear my parents mocking my faith and my waiting for God regarding finances and the children
Terrible dream about all of my friends and family have turned against me and mock me and put pressure on me.
Coming down to the last day for God to deliver me in order for me to go see the children
Revelations on taking up the cross and denying yourself using my children as an example
The lesson of realizing I don't have to try to hard to convince others
Revelations on enduring the shame of our cross
Perseverance goes 100% of the way, not 99% of the way
Defining what it means to carry your cross
The two stages of suffering and death to self
If we quit on our cross, it was all for naught
Tempted to email Laura but God shows me 1 Pet 5:12 to stay put
Fearing not being able to see my children for Christmas, I ask the Lord for mercy and for a vacation from the cross and I sense He tells me there are no vacations from the cross
Very sad about the high possibility I will not be able to see my children for Christmas and yet telling the Lord I will carry my cross as far as He wants
My mom tries to put pressure on me to get ahead of God's commands to me and get my license and go get the children.
Realizing the terrible suffering coming if I cannot go pick up the children
Realizing how quickly we forget God's past Providences and answered prayers to us and we start wavering in our faith after only a few days
Satan's blows lead to spiritual amnesia and we forget what God has promised and done
The most frequent number and Scripture God has shown me is 616, Eph 6:16 take up the shield of faith
We must hold firmly to our faith!
The awareness that all these recordings are to one day be a highway for other people to follow Christ on Only the Holy Spirit can teach another man anything
My thoughts after the talk with my parents about me being mentally ill, and how tough it is to be a follower of Jesus Christ
Step-father asks how I think God is going to deliver me
Examples of how nothing by faith in the Bible makes sense or looks rational
God is giving me and keeping me in peace in spite of the craziness of this all
Listening to the same messages as my parents, but they cannot see what I see
Realizing my parents are not accusing me, they are accusing God in me
Continuing to hold firmly to my faith, trusting God steadfastly
Faith strengthened by reading in the Bible about God's supernatural provision for those who trust Him
Encouraged again by reading A.W. Tozer chapter "The Saint Must Walk Alone"
Incredible time God shows me a friend would be call me sick, which would free me up to go to the mountain after God showed me 646
Fearing I will lose the closeness with God when He removes my affliction
Asking God not to let the persecution stop and if this is mental illness, give me more!
Realizing I don't need people anymore, but I long to help them to know God like this!
Thoughts on the false church My friends testify they know no one who is seeking God like I am
Learning to stand firm on God's first words to me when the circumstances change and flaming arrows of doubt come flooding in
It would take more faith to believe the naysayers around me than the words God has spoken to me, because my life is lining up with His ways and dealings with others in the Bible
Coming under severe doubt and flaming arrows about the numbers...see 616 ask God for a sign and He shows me 555
God shows me Luke 4:24 - No prophet is accepted in his own hometown
Amazed and encouraged by what I read in Psalm 41:5-12
A recorded argument with my parents, where they are convinced I am out of my mind.
Woman comes to my house and prophesies I'm going to jail
All of my mom's friends have now turned against me
Astonished by all the dramatic tests God is allowing to come my way
Everything I believe about God is at stake
The evidence God is with me in not in my circumstances, but in the people being impacted around me...fruitfulness
Where are the Christians who are truly examining their walk with God
Thoughts on the evidence of God in my life that the numbers represent
When I made the "Joseph Mistake" by sharing the difficult thing God was asking me to do, with others.
Feeling indignant when others refuse to honor my Father with true faith
Realizing how much all this affliction is the answer to my prayers to be more like Jesus Christ
Being stabbed with the Lord's sword that has been dipped in love.
Evidences that the Spirit of Christ is really in you
Incredible 3 part dream I have about shallowness, tearing things down, and my dad repenting at the wash machine
Insights and Revelations about the terrible deceptions and unfaithfulness in my local church The Rock
God opens Tyler's eyes to see his angel watching over him in answer to my prayer
When I first realized I'm not better than others because of my relationship with God, but just better off
Mom comes and tries to put pressure on me about the children, when God has told me to wait
The deception of counseling's belief that we have to "meet people where they are"
My mother comes to me very delicately to plead with me to realize that something is wrong with me and that I have isolated myself
In spite of what we are so often told from the pulpit, not all isolation is bad and much of it actually comes from God as seen in the lives of the saints in Scripture
A friend of mine in church hands me these horrible false teachings from a man named Jesse Duplantis and then takes my mom to one of his meetings
Real life lessons from my Men's Bible study show that until a person is broken or totally surrendered the teachings of Christ will be useless
A call to people for TOTAL surrender
Capturing a moment of weeping before the Lord for the extraordinary Joy He has given me through death to self and brokenness
God shows me 12:12 for Romans 12:12 right after I make message
Breaking down in tears feeling compassion for my ex-wife
A passionate prayer reminding Father of my faith and obedience to Him and how it will bring shame on my faith in Him if He doesn't come through for me
A commentary about not emulating my boldness before God unless you have first emulated my obedience and faith
I discover the incredible reason why God prompted me to pray so urgently for Laura
Several blessings I'm receiving in this difficult season and examples of fruit that God is producing through me
Step-father talks to me on behalf of my mother's fear about pressuring me to get my driver's license
The battles are intentional from the Lord and they make you stronger
I am having very negative feelings about my pastor and my church as I realize the messages are always stopping short of telling the whole clear truth in Scripture
My frustration with Charles Stanley preaching that you can't fall away from grace, in spite of what Scripture clearly says
The constant frustration of living for 2.5 years with parents who don't think or believe anything like I do I am so ready to be free from my prison at my parent's house to shake loose the bondage and slavery
Nothing burns me up inside as when I see a person who calls them self a Christian and who has no trust in God
I am so exhausted from being around people that do not love God
I find out my children are now being bullied by a neighbor
My mom tries to offer paying for my driver's license and I say no, even though it may mean I miss my kids and .God shows 525 and 919 to confirm
Feeling a very deep love for my Father in heaven even though my circumstances haven't changed
Reaching such a place of contentment that I now feel I could live without a wife
A new experience with a deeper peace and more contentment than I have ever felt before
Reflecting back on how much I have changed and how much work God has done
Being so thankful for all the alone time with God Like fine wine, there is no substitute for long periods of TIME in order to find a deep and satisfying relationship with God
Continuing to reflect on the irony of the incredible joy I have in all the adversity
Incredible prophetic foreshadowing of the fact that I would one day go to India!
One of the most difficult relationships on earth is between that of a true follower of Christ and a "believer" who doesn't obey Christ
God leads me to Romans 8:18 to encourage me in my suffering
Asking the question honestly, "Is God ever really going to bless me after all of this?"
God speaks me to Matthew 7:11 and Luke 11:11 right while I'm in the middle of this question I'm talking about in my journal
Lessons and encouragement from the love story of Charles and Susanna Spurgeon
Asking the Lord will my life always be suffering and persecution or will I ever see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living?
I don't have unbelief, but I do have moments of doubt and lots of ups and downs
More struggles with memorizing Scripture Feeling sensitive to what may be more pride I sense in myself in my men's Bible study
Struggling to find the balance between being gentle and being passionate and fiery in my ministry
My recorded prayer pleading with the Lord to please guide me in my disposition and passion in my messages and to not let me be in the way
A most important moment which proves God has been wise and loving to not yet take the pressure off of me and bring deliverance yet
The first Thanksgiving day I've ever had without any family to love and celebrate with
Seeing so clearly the sword Christ brought to separate his sheep from the goats in my family
God answers my prayer and gives me his counsel regarding how I should respond to the abuse of Tyler and Nathan by their grandfather
How easily we are tempted to shrink back from total trust in the Lord
When to take counsel from men and when NOT to take counsel from men
My faith being tested severely again by Tyler and his fear for his own life in his grandfather's house.
Commentary with more proof that I have indeed heard correctly from God
My ex-wife curses my son about me and he cries and then Chelsea hears about her mom cursing me and she cries out to God
Satan being allowed to afflict my children is proving to be the greatest test of my faith so far
Pleading with God to be merciful to my ex-wife and to please give me finances so I can do good to my enemy
Commentary about spiritual increase only comes through death on the cross and the abundant life only comes by resurrection.
God leads me directly to the passage in Mark 11:22 in my Bible, encouraging me to Have Faith in God
An incredible real-time example of 949 and how God uses the numbers to guide me, in the face of so much concern for Tyler and his fear of his grandfather
I quit going to my pastor's private men's group and my mom immediately says, "That's a sure sign there is something wrong" The persecution continues to strengthen my faith and my joy is overflowing
Satan trying to strike more fear into my heart about my inability to pay child support, with news stories
Revelation on my needing to pass the "Prophetic Test" as seen in the life of Joseph
More anguish about hearing what is going on with my children and and the child abuse of my son Tyler who was abused by his grandfather
God is increasing the weight of the test beyond just that of me losing my dignity.
I am not going to run to DHR and trust in man, but I'm going to run to prayer and trust in God.
This is a spiritual battle, not a battle against flesh and blood
There is always the part of me that says "You are just in denial Michael"
I am more afraid of disobeying and distrusting God than i am on missing out on saving my children
A personal recording of explanation and prayer for my children
Explaining to the children about God's election
(IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT THE NEED FOR SURRENDER) The Lord answers my prayer for encouragement by having Bobby Junkin call me with a wonderful testimony
My parents attempt to steam roll me again and my faith is under such horrible attack
Mom says I'm the problem and not them and threatens to kick me out
The Lord is testing me and teaching me much about confrontation
Though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me Psalm 27:10
The deception of believers who try to change their behavior but who do not give their life fully to the Lord
Revelations about Sanctification and Surrender "Quit trying so hard to be like Jesus without giving your life up to Him!"
Seeing all this as coming from God I have a strong indignation towards persistent unbelief
I have been feeling more doubt and more tests of my faith than every before
So discouraged that not even the word of God can encourage me right now. I need His presence
My growing frustration with God's command to me to memorize the teachings of Jesus Christ
Doubts increasing as I feel harpoons coming in that I have done something wrong which is preventing God from delivering me
An adorable voice message from my nine year old daughter Chelsea about God answering a prayer for her
My faith is greatly strengthened after prayer and the fog is lifting
The battle has made me weak and I see a type of doubt that has become almost permanent and won't go away
The astonishing story behind the newsletter from a pastor in jail which I saw on the side of the road
Satan will always try to create evidence that the lie is the truth, ie Joseph's blood coat
God shows me that I'm beginning to look at the wind and the waves like Peter and that's why I'm sinking
God shows me Romans 10:11 that I will not be put to shame by trusting in Him
(WARNING CONTAINS ONE UTTERANCE OF THE WORD "BIT$% AS PART OF A TESTIMONY) Being tested more than at any time before...it's very painful
My stepfather comes to me have a difficult "talk" about me and how I'm negatively impacting their marriage relationship
No matter the cost, I cannot disobey my God Friends and I agree, "WHO WOULD BELIEVE MY LIFE?"
Lessons from Joseph's life that apply to what I'm going through
Mom puts more pressure on me to take thousands from her for child support and when I refuse she tells me I'm going to be someone's "bit$%" in prison
God reminds me that Jesus did not come to bring peace, but a sword and a man's enemies will be the members of his own household
The Revelation that ALL of this is happening by God to develop my character
How I get through the worst of battles each time
God fully opens my eyes to the false teachers and prophets of NAR and I lose another friend when I tell her about it
36 hours straight of the most Satanic attacks I've ever had...the return of the Egyptian woman, the other woman who attacked me, a false brother infiltrates our Bible study, teenagers take over my prayer spot with drugs, checking account goes into negative, mom goes on the attack again, my son is abused by his grandfather.
The message of correction I made for my pastor that the Lord never let me send for reasons I couldn't yet know
Lots of thoughts about quitting on everything, Laura, Bible study, ministry, etc.
Feeling the worst sadness about my children and being apart from them
The agony of an unsurrendered Christian
The Biblical principle behind the test He just gave me when my mom said, God told her we are supposed to have a family prayer to see if I'm truly hearing from God or not
God helps me to see the difference between false and true prophets
Insights about "We have this treasure in jars of clay" and how fragile our faith is
I can see the importance of thorn in the flesh to keep us humble
An example of how God's providence by numbers floods me with encouragement when I most need it. 1010, 111, 212, 1202, 313
A very rough day...terrible sinus trouble and growing anger about the increasing parental alienation.
Feeling the WAIT! Getting anxious towards God about Him finally coming through for me with the child support
Its harder and harder for me to be around lukewarm carnal Christians who aren't obsessed about God
A moment of deep sadness and crying where I'm wanting to give up
A false brother shows up to our Bible study and it becomes a big need for discernment to know if this is of God or Satan
God once again has delivered me from the oppression and attacks of the enemy in my heart
Why God is blessing my men's Bible study group
My mom says she believes the Holy Spirit told her we are supposed to spend three hours in prayer as a family to see if I have really heard from God correctly
Commentary about how to distinguish between a Christian who has authentically strong faith vs someone who talks about God all the time but actually has a mental illness
I always find my faith strengthened on the other side of persecution
God shows me 303 three times in one morning, reminding me He is faithful and will strengthen me against every evil attack. 2 Thes 3:3
The fruit in my life proves the "prosperity" Gospel and the "tongues" Gospel are false
The 2700 year old words of Jeremiah 17:5-8 that are true in my life right now
God sends two wonderful testimonials from my teaching to encourage me in the face of Satan's continued opposition and attacks
Watching Joseph Prince's teachings so I can teach against them.
We are NOT covered under grace!
My anger towards the teaching in the church that tells us it's OK to sin because none of us are perfect
Christ is not our substitution for being unable to live a godly life, but rather the power to do so!
We should absolutely be ashamed and afraid of any sin we are harboring in our life
Struggling to answer the question, "How do I honor my mom when she is living as my adversary and against the ways of God."
Forcing myself to pray and give God thanks when I feel oppressed by Satan fills my heart with joy
Two examples of how I failed by being too confident in myself as God says in Jeremiah 17:5-8
(NOT FOR CHILDREN OR THOSE OFFENDED BY SEXUAL TOPIC) Satan again tries to offend me through my mom and I'm learning to keep my distance
An example of How terrifyingly easy it is for us to be deceived into being a hypocrite
A detailed account of how Satan is working through my mom to offend me and how this will be used to help and encourage many others in their own battles.
Satan's goal is to creates offense which leads to unforgiveness which leads to bondage
How things like OCD reveal that even though we believe in Christ, we are still not fully surrendered to Him in some area of our life.
God speaks to my screaming flesh, showing me that I can go much longer in difficult circumstances than I have previously thought
My burning desire and fervent prayers to God to be able to bless and do good to my enemy by child support
Confidence in flesh vs confidence in the Spirit
Insights on the good striving of striving to remain in Him
Reflecting on how I got free from my most recent and toughest sin
The incredible timing of Satan tempting me to sexual sin the same night I contemplated sharing my past sin openly with others to help them get free
When I finally told me body, "You are not the boss of me!"
It is so much easier fighting FROM a position of freedom, than fighting FOR a position of freedom
The most important lesson I've learned is totally and actually depending upon the Father for all of my needs
My growing indignation towards "Christians" who live in sin and revelations on being a slave to righteousness rather than a slave to sin
I received an email from the man I met in the woods as confirmation of the work Father is doing through me
God is Faithful even when we don’t get what we want I preached forgiveness to the men in the Bible study tonight and God blessed it
Feel hammered by Satan after the Bible study night on forgiveness and feeling like I'm delaying obedience on memorizing the teachings of Christ
When Spiritual warfare comes, it's not just one arrow, it's an overwhelming amount of arrows.
After praying for God to confirm the hard message He has given me He confirms it with a passage from Ezekiel
God continues to show me the difference between the two Covenants
More persecution from parents and friends about me having to go to jail
Revelations about my seed producing after it's own kind
Counsel to a divorced friend who is longing for his ex-wife back or for another wife
I have such contentment and no longer feel that excessive need for Laura
The Lord leads me to teach other Jeremiah 17:5-8, not to lean on man, but on God
When I first began to consider exposing my sexual sin and failure publicly
I'm not afraid of men's opinions of me anymore because I don't look to them to have any of my needs met
Realizing, I'm not my own that I've been bought at a price and called to lay down my life for others
God is keeping me waiting on the court results and training me how NOT to worry
The only reason I have been able to go this long is because of God speaking to me so much
I'm the poorest man in our Bible study and they come because they know I have something they don't
If God is a sleep at the wheel, I am in HUGE danger!
People will one day be so blessed to hear what God has done for me
Wonderful encounter with brother in the woods who was suffering parental alienation
Father warns me with a timely 666 and 616 and I suspect it has to do with court
First meeting with the new small group Pastor Rusty has established
Meet with a man who is in bondage through unforgiveness
My mother then accuses me of being boastful I have to manage my entire relationship with my mother as not to cast pearl before swine just as Jesus commanded
A future message to my mom if she ever hears these recordings
How painful it is to live around people that call themselves "Christians" but who live carnally
The Lord's training of me through my mother is so thorough
Christians in bondage are the most dangerous people in the world to spiritual Christians
My indignation about Christian counseling and how we over complicate freedom in Christ when all that is needed is forgiveness Every single person I know that has an issue they don't like, they all have issues of forgiveness
Why true love does not tolerate evil in the name of love
The kind of "Christian" I will expel out of my life
What it means to be a radical Christian
God begins to open my eyes to false teaching and false prophets
How Satan used a story I read online to cause me great doubt about my walk with Christ
How God strengthened me and gave me guidance with 202, leading me to Rev 2:2
Why God has no need to give us a "fresh word"
So many of us have a perverted view of love
I'm going to preach the hard truth regardless of how many will listen
The story of how I lost a friendship by telling them the truth about their rotten fruit
I continue to be fruitful even in this season of famine and drought
God begins to show me that I must preach the hard truth to people...leads me to 2 Cor 4:1
I filed a motion with the court to appear by phone and I get resistance
A picture of exactly what it looks like when a human tries to deliver themselves
Describing exactly what I'm doing in order to fight the fight of faith in the face of so many potential fears
The court hearing is happening right now while I'm making this recording
So grateful and filled with joy and peace over my new life of faith in Him
The critical role prayer has prayed in keeping me strong in all of this
I'm no longer living in the "real world". My worry warts are dead!
I'm weaker than I've ever been to defend myself, but God is my strength
Begged God in intense tears to turn me loose in the ministry to reach the masses that I was not satisfied with 20 people...I wanted to reach millions
Feeling like I'm going to die if I can't get this passion out to the masses
Warning a widow neighbor about a story she told me about tools she took when she left her company
Feeling weary again waiting so long for God's deliverance...hope deferred makes a heart grow sick
God answers my prayers while I'm in the middle of making a recording and sends a man name Frank Smith to encourage me!
The court hearing is in 3 days and I could be in danger if God doesn’t deliver me
Strong faith is not without the capacity to still doubt, but unbelief is Wickedness
When God's direction to me seems to contradict His Word
God answers Chelsea's prayer for her mom and grandparents to not speak bad about me
I can't tell many people about what God is asking me to do because they would believe I'm nuts
Seeing the reality of Jeremiah 17:7-8 in my life...in much want, but still producing fruit
The total loss of my dignity in the area of finances.
The reason my story is such an anomaly is because so few will pay this price...few are chosen
This faith walk is much more costly than Bible college
I no longer have those panicky moments because my faith has grown
Up to this point, as long as the suffering has been, still no real harm has come to me
I see that God always waits to the last minute to deliver us
Satan tries to get us to believe that God may have delivered us in the past but he won't in the future
It gets easier to trust God when you've seen Him come through over and over
Even if I've heard God wrong, He looks down and still sees a man sacrificing all in what He believes is obedience to Him
This a journey that must be made alone...no one is with me
I'm not delusional because I still realize I could very well be wrong
Restoration is coming and one day this recording will bring such joy to me and hope to others
IMAGE I REFER TO IN PART 6, 3 DAYS BEFORE COURT. GOD ASSURING ME OF HIS DELIVERANCE.
My mom comes to me trying to pressure me to take money from her to pay my child support before I go to court.
Making my journal recordings strengthens my faith as I profess my trust in God over and over
Last few weeks I've really struggled with sinus swimmy head
Praying God will send a financial miracle on the 11th of October to pay my child support
This is an epic journey of faith
Realizing the peace that would come if I just gave up on all these expectations
I'm so vulnerable, tired and beat down...never more important time to focus on God's promises
God's best blessings always take longer than we think
Begging God for mercy for my sinus problems and health
Realizing God has set me apart and isolated me for a few years strictly to learn
The enemy is trying to steal my time to pray when I most need it
I am only sustained by prayer...I cannot live without it
A message to my future self about NEVER quitting in the face of such a long suffering!
One of several messages I hope my children will listen to again and again after I’m dead and gone to be with Jesus. Tyler, Chelsea, Nathan, Ashley and Kaley Chriswell, WALK THIS WAY!
Teaching Tyler about hardness of heart and unforgiveness in relation to the parental alienation we are both experiencing
Explaining to Tyler about God asking me to put them (the children) on the altar, like Abraham
My mom comes to me again, trying to create doubt, about me hearing from God
Why God is more blessed by those who suffer and keep the faith, more than those who are "blessed" and keep the faith
God will test you to see if you love your family more than him
My greatest desire is to make a big deal out of God
No matter how much God does in my life, there will always be doubters
God upholds us when He sees our faith and our willingness to take risks for Him
The lie of "I don't have faith like Michael" and the truth about how weak my faith is
Realizing having God and nothing else is far better than having everything else and nothing of God The importance of personal experience in your faith walk with God
Unless the Lord builds your life and ministry it comes to nothing
We do not really need God in America and the West...how dangerous!
Through all my suffering and neediness, God has developed a track record with me The need to "death grip" God and never let go!
My mother comes to me in a panic, saying she believes I'm not sane.
God shows me Num 9:19 to keep me to stay put
The Lord shows me Isaiah 60:1 and Luke 11:33 and Hebrews 3:13 telling me to get back to the ministry work of making messages
My arguments to my mother about how I know I have heard from the Lord
My indignation against the evils of unbelief in the so called "church"
Realizing my passion and strength are growing BECAUSE of Persecution
The test of right or wrong always comes down to our fruit
The weirdness to others of God using numbers to guide me to Scriptures
Our God is the "I told you so" God
Sinus troubles but God giving me grace to keep learning
Hearing a great tip about feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of broken people around me
Chelsea tells me her Grandpa says more bad things about me
Realizing how God is intentionally causing me to lose my dignity with being behind 5 months on child support
Fighting to keep the faith for an upcoming court hearing I have to face
Realizing the tremendous risks I'm facing if I haven't heard God correctly
The attacks that come into my mind about God using numbers to point me to Scriptures
Revelation on Jesus teaching "You will do even greater things than me" (The 777 Miracle)
The miracles happening in my life are dependent only on my faith, not someone else
God giving me deep understanding about "Do not worry about tomorrow" as the 4th time my ex-wife takes me back to court is 11 days away
I am $6,000 behind on child support and my ex-wife has spent about $70,000 so far in court
Effortless fruit production; an encounter with a neighbor who says, "Maybe the devil is the one who has given me all this stuff."
My pastor releases me to go back into ministry work
Recalling the times God has spoken directly to my spirit
God gives me more insight into warfare and why He allows it
God again protects me for the 3rd time, from temptation towards an attractive woman, by showing me 212 multiple times just before I see the woman.
A widow gives me insight into how Laura may be struggling as a widow
Another detailed dream about an encounter I had with Laura
God has again refreshed me just as I was wanting to quit
God tells me not to go back to the Bible study but to stay focused on what He has asked me to do
My mom doubts and questions me about seeing the numbers
Realizing that for years the word of God penetrated my eyes, but not my heart
The importance of realizing God is about Himself first
Revelations about self-sufficiency and being independent
The need to have a track record of God's faithfulness in your life
Revelations on "Do not worry about tomorrow" and how even positive projection or envisioning the possible future outcomes are considered "worrying about tomorrow"
100% of the time where I have projected about future outcomes in my life, I have been wrong
God calls me back to the ministry with the Scripture Luke 11:33
The hardest thing for me to do so far is to just keep sitting still
Realizing how much farther I have to go to become like Jesus than I have been thinking
Remembering to be patient with others in their learning
Insights on How I've learned to Hear God
Advice for Michael Chriswell 10 years later about how to find God
Those who obey God more will also suffer more
Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself
Go in peace, your faith has delivered you
My flesh is always wanting to tell me that all of this is just coincidence and not really God doing it all
God is destroying any thought that I am my own provider
Realizing those who hold to the hyper-grace teaching have rotten fruit in their hearts and lives
The fruit test is the ultimate test of our Christianity
Mom continues to doubt and question my commitment to stay put and wait for God to act in my behalf, regarding my finances and promoting the ministry
I have a strong desire to encourage others to believe God for miracles in their life
If you are skating on grace, where is the devotion to the Lord in that?
Revelations about the COST if I quit on trusting God right now
I cannot make it without long periods of prayer...I'm being kept by daily prayer
Fears of jail are entering my mind as I continue in my resolve to trust God in my finances and I get further behind on child support
God shows me that I will still have to wait for quite a long time for deliverance
Begging the Father to validate to others that He is with me and to show that I am not speaking on my own
Father gives me an incredible revelation when I cry out to Him about the fact that the miracles in my life are all from Him and I haven't done any of them
The temptations and dangers of working a deliverance for ourselves, rather than waiting for God to deliver us
The difference between faith in faith, vs faith in God
A full-recap of the story about the lady named Laura that I'm waiting for as a promise for a wife
The very best gift that I can give my children is the one that costs no money
God uses 919 (Numbers 9:19) and 222 (Mark 2:22) to warn me in advance to say no to another job offer
More revelation on just how important the words of Jesus Christ are
Explaining to my mom the false teachings from Andrew Womack and Joseph Prince about never being able to lose your salvation
How to discern the doctrines of demons
Insights I am seeing and learning by watching my mother's brand new walk with Christ and the dangers therein
Receiving our honor and approval from God, not men
How my physical health is negatively impacting my walk with Christ and my example to others and how Satan attacks me when I'm down
My gratitude for Father helping me so much in my weakness
Holding on in tears that my Father will deliver me and bring me into the Promised Land
Ex-wife is dragging me back to court in 30 days for the 4th time and God still showing me lots of 777's as a reminder that He will once again deliver me
Two more Starbucks encounters where God uses me to encourage two struggling Christians
Revelations about doing something good vs doing exactly what God has asked me to do
Delayed obedience is not obedience
The importance God places on spending personal time with Him
Faith without works is truly dead
Get good at obeying God as your top priority
Reflections on how long my journey has been
Incredible amounts of spiritual oppression still coming at me as I try to memorize and study the teachings of Christ
Realizing God is removing his reassurance sometimes on purpose
I'm still not able to pay child support and I'm losing my dignity more and more each day
Recorded talk with mom about grace, faith, and works
Revelations about doing something good vs doing exactly what God has asked me to do
Delayed obedience is not obedience
The importance God places on spending personal time with Him
Faith without works is truly dead
Get good at obeying God as your top priority
Reflections on how long my journey has been
Incredible amounts of spiritual oppression still coming at me as I try to memorize and study the teachings of Christ
Realizing God is removing his reassurance sometimes on purpose
I'm still not able to pay child support and I'm losing my dignity more and more each day
Recorded talk with mom about grace, faith, and works
My prayer for Tyler to have an encounter with an angel
God continues to tell me to finish the work 2 Cor 8:11
God warns me not to approach my attractive single neighbor
Mom gives me a check for $2500 and God tells me not to accept it
Insights on Grace vs Works
Not feeling well physically and struggling to fight the fight of faith
Memorizing vs meditating on the teachings of Jesus
Faith without works is dead
Facing more spiritual warfare and feeling discouraged
Praying for God to anoint my ministry and speaking for Him
More insights about why people need Christ, the person, not counseling
The number one need of believers today is obedience
Why we need discipleship and not counseling
The experience of pulling the blessings of God out of heaven
Learning to wait for God's timing to promote the ministry
Tyler sees several more demons and describes them
Insights about how we actually help Satan in many of our relationships
The longer the battle the sweeter the victory
Satan is attacking me in my dreams relentlessly
A passionate conversation with my parents trying to explain that God is seriously testing and I'm not deceived
Revelations on my weakness and yielding it to Christ
Revelations on why we are offended when people hurt us with their words or actions
What fear of the Lord looks like for me at this point
My mother, in her unbelief, thinks Tyler is just making up the story of the angels and demons and brings up more unbelief towards me
Praying for people to have a God-encounter rather than being convinced through their intellect or pressuring them to believe
My mother accusses me again on not living in the real world and asks me if I think it's possible that I'm delusional
The day I deleted all my recordings and evidence I had against my ex-wife's evil behavior towards me, in love
God gives me deeper revelation on unforgiveness
More insights into my own journey and why God is allowing these things to happen
Obedience leads to suffering and suffering leads to the character of Christ
Surrender is NEVER as bad as we think it is!
Life to the FULL has nothing to do with my difficult circumstances in my life
Believing that I will one day see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living
Standing on Hebrews 11:1 until God comes through
God using my ex-wife's increasing anger to strengthen me
Holy Spirit convicts me to get rid of the recordings I made of my ex-wife's evil towards me
God teaching me to love others the way He does
Obstacles and fears to loving and serving others coming from SELF
Stories of my son Tyler seeing demons and angels
See 666 five times in one day and I know something evil is coming
A neat story about a boat disaster which confirms that God won't give us the power and annointing until He has secured our character
My financial circumstances are getting worse, but my peace is increasing as God continues to test me
Looking forward to the day I can use these recordings to encourage other Christians
The most mentally difficult thing the Lord has asked me to do so far is memorize the teachings of Jesus
Receive very nasty email and accusations from ex-wife after seeing the 666 5 times
Radical obedience to God never makes sense to your flesh and certainly not anyone around you
Forced to walk all alone with God, having no one understand my walk with God...not even a pastor
Revelations on God's speaking voice in our life
The critical need of knowing that God knows and calls to you personally to follow Him in relationship
A new insight while giving to a homeless man
Waking up fearful about the recent court hearing and my finances
Under increasing financial pressure, my flesh is screaming to save itself, but I remain steadfast to stay the course and wait for God alone to deliver me
God honors my faith in difficult circumstances by showing me 555 several times in a few minutes
Resisting the temptation to pursue an attracive single mom that moved in up the street from us
God continues to tell me to finish the work, by showing me 811, which is 1 Cor 8:11
Satan ramps up attacks and distractions as I press into the teachings of Christ
Distinquishing between my flesh and the Spirit during temptation
Commentary about the numbers and how God is showing His exact heart and word on various issues in the Chrisitan life
Reading Bill Johnson's book, trying to pray in tongues, faith very strong
Tyler sees a demon for the 2nd time and children tell me about more parental alienation
Revelations about my witnessing to others
I pray for my friend's arm and he is healed
Anxiety about praying for a man with a limp arm at Starbucks
A warning about false teaching
Realizing God wants me to pursue the teachings of Christ and obedience, NOT the supernatural
Frustrating moment with my mother asking to borrow one of my books to give to a friend of hers who was doubting my mental health
God confirms for me to stay put even under my mom's increasing pressure to get a job, by using Numbers 9:19
Mom pressures me to take money from her to pay my child support but Father keeps telling me no
Praying for more people to be healed, including a man in a wheelchair
The darkness gets even darker!
Feeling so low that I could crack at any second in my faith
My flesh is screaming to quit living by faith, but I know that God is in this
Hoping one day I'll look back on these recordings and be so thankful for God's grace
Begging God to speak clearly to me if I have heard wrong from Him and he answers WHILE I'm praying James 5:11
Feeling down after dropping children off from Summer visitation and God shows me He loves me
My circumstances don't show that God loves me but my heart and faith do
God fills me up with a bold faith in spite of my circumstances
Asking God to move on one particular man's heart to make a very large donation to my ministry
Becoming more and more thankful for the character development from all this suffering
Perservere! Perservere! Perservere!
My testifys to her friends that I am now submitting to her
Turning down a friend's matchmaker attempt
Satan works overtime to keep us offended by others
Long Bible study with my 5 children ages 6 - 11
Some of the blackest and darkest days I've faced so far as a true follower of Christ
Lights come on all by themselves while teaching the Children about the eyes being the lamp of their body
Continued struggles with my mom
My finances are now in dire conditions
Sitting in the woods in the dark with the children talking about fear
Being stretched further and tested more in my faith than at any time before
Learning to abandon my need for reason in order to obey God
Explaining to my daughter Chelsea the difference between the Old Covenant and the New Covenant
Asking God "How much more do I have to do to prove my faith?"
Struggling to manage my relationship with my mother because of her fear
Feeling like I am violating Scripture even though I know God is telling me not to get a job
Current insights looking back at my strong desire for a wife and why God was allowing me to suffer so much financially
Evidence that God is slowly changing my mother
Struggling with my desire to be loved by a woman
Confused about two widows and God shows me to stay put
Wrestling with my desire to make a huge difference for the Lord and my fear of making my life too complicated
Come across two previous employers in two days and one offers me a job when I need the money the most
God is showing me 919 and 525 to show me to stay put and not move ahead with a woman
God encouraging me not to stagger at His promise for a wife, but to keep the faith and wait
God teaching me to overcome evil with good in my relationship with my mother
My children begin asking great questions about God and Christians
My mother responds positively to my humility
Satan interferes with my teaching the children about God
Children open up more about the verbal abuse coming from their grandfather
Praying for my enemies and asking God to be merciful to them and to give me wisdom on how to respond
Chelsea opens up to me about how her mom and parents are slandering me
Crying out to God for His presence
God allowing me to be tempted again in order to strengthen me
God tells me not to contact the other widow I was introduced to
God continues to warn me that Satan will attack me
Frustrations with my mom come back as she goes back to her old ways
Realizing how much God has strengenthed me IN the STORM of adverse circumstances in my life
Realizing I'm not "THERE" yet and I need more disciplining
Pleading with God to provide child support but realizing the Lord may be allowing this because they keep taking me back to court
Completely AMAZED how God is using numbers to guide me and how He uses them
Fully realizing that God is not testing me like this for any small reason, but that He is going to bring Himself glory through all of this
Finally realizing and walking in what the TRUE Christian life is really about
Revelations on Obedience to and Love for God
Another encounter with the woman I believe is my future wife
Deuteronomy 8:01 - God is really trying and testing my faith and I wonder if there will ever be "good" days ahead
The suffering of sitting still and waiting on God, feeling ineffective
God is stretching me more and more and it is so painful
See 10:10 followed by my first rattlesnake on the mountain
Wrestling with whether or not I'm supposed to appear in court in Florida because God hasn't provided the money for me to go.
Wrestling with my pastor's request to set down the daily videos for 3 months
Struggling in many ways as I work on the teachings of Christ, especially in my sinus/allergy health
Not accepting money from my parents to go to court in FL
God shows me the number 301 and two verses to teach me about how He is using "war" in my life to strengthen me
Anxious thoughts about my future wife and God shows me Number 9:19
Satan continues to harass me with the woman I "sinned" with.
Praising God that I've been able to endure as long as I have through such financial lack, with God's help
My faith is being strengthened so much through the difficult circumstances
Introduced to another godly widow and feel temptation to consider her
Wondering if God is using "the one He showed me" as a distraction from other women until He gets THE One ready
My mother kisses me and tells me how much she appreciates what God did by bringing me into the house
Anxious thoughts about my finances yet resolving to trust God
Faith is a muscle that consistently needs to be exercised to keep it
The Lord confirms He is still with me financially
Learning not to put the 2nd greatest commandment ahead of the first
Being tempted to take a job because my finances are so bleak
Praying God will cancel the court hearing against me from my ex-wife
When God led me to start teaching the teachings of Jesus Christ
Terrible dream my ex-wife was attacking me and being held down in my bed
Why I no longer defend my faith with apologetics like I used to
Struggling to keep waiting for my future wife. Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick
Transitioning from thinking I am sinning against a "rule book" to sinning against a "person", the Lord
The need to change our expectations about what the "Christian" life entails
Great spiritual oppression coming as I press into the teachings of Christ
My pastor asks me to set down the ministry for a few weeks after I admit that I fell into sin
Seeing God's grace in spite of my huge sin failure
A difficult call with the IRS, trusting God to provide
My son Tyler opens up about seeing demons and says he can see hate in his mother's eyes
The beauty and absolute need for embracing brokenness
A call to absolute surrender of your life and will to Christ
The most important voice in your life is God's not your pastor or godly friend
Sad call with children as parental alienation increases
Resolved to trust God to defend myself and the children against parental alienation instead of keeping a record of the wrongs for court
The peace that comes from knowing the Lord is with me in my troubles
More attacks from Satan using the woman I fell into sin with at Starbucks while I'm doing the Lord's work Feeling pressure from my mom's friend to contact the woman I believe is to be my wife
Small humbling financial blessings
My heart contradicts my circumstances
Ginny Souther testimonial comes in via email
Asking the Lord to promote the ministry in the face of so few results
Remembering how hard it was to learn how to trust God
Being TOTALLY 100% dependent upon the Lord
God answers my prayer to promote the ministry with a radio interview in Orlando
Revelations about those who have really strong faith vs. those who put God to the test
Putting together a meeting of those local people I'm ministering to
God tells me in advance that He has delivered me financially and then He gives me a free car
Chance meeting with ex-girlfriend in woods which leads to peaceful closure.
A gloriously encouraging day for the ministry
Another revelation about what "Church" means
Praying for God to give my custody of the children
God blesses me right after I start doing the daily videos
My personal circumstances contradict that God is with me and for me
Emulating George Muller's "cliffhanger" faith as my financial needs continue to grow
I should have QUIT by now, but by God's grace I keep going and I am in total peace in the face of great need
Revelations on Biblical "Secrets"
Revelation about speaking in tongues and praying in the Spirit
Realizing how much God has grown my faith and how much I can now believe Him for
God's work on earth is done through our prayers, not through our self-willed hard work
Lessons I'm learning from living by faith
Everyone wants to know how will I "monetize" my ministry work and have my financial needs met?
God giving me specific guidance about trusting Him for my finances
God bringing me into the lonely place of TOTAL dependence on Him for Everything
Praying that Father always keeps me where I am dependent on Him for something
Asking people if they have evidence of their faith beyond just the paper it's written on in the Bible?
The happiest day I've had in 3 years! February 28th, 2013 The first fruit in the ministry...the first SALVATION
Being confused about what to do after I received from an Oswald Chambers devotional
My ex-wife and her attorney will NOT give up and are now going to a different judge
God continues to show me 777 regarding each new court hearing to remind me He will deliver me
Learning more and more to stay put and wait on God
Running back into the attractive woman I saw hurting at church and tried to give my card to.
Feeling torn between two churches but unable to plant
Wondering if God has isolated me from others for a reason
Running into two New Agers
The most amazing confirmation so far about that "woman" I'm waiting for
Walking in darkness, the absence of God's light and guidance
More warfare as I start daily videos. My five year old twin daughter Kaley asks me why her grandfather always says mean things about me
God answers my prayer for finances. Moves on parent's heart to support my ministry
Still patiently waiting for a "break" since everything in my life and ministry seems to be being held back
It is the Lord's grace that gives me the ability to have this kind of faith
Pastor's father tries to play match maker for me. I have to keep the faith
God shows me a cloud the size of a man's hand regarding my finances after prayer
Mom and I have biggest blowout yet and I scream the "F" word in total frustration
God tells me to humble myself to my mother
Feeling despair over such little fruit in my life and ministry...wondering if I've been a fool
Fighting the good fight of faith and wavering between faith and doubt
The pressure is building to save myself from dismal results
Lowest checking account balance I've ever had
First small meeting with people who have watched my story
Asking God to provide for my finances since He asked me to trust Him
Another incredible deliverance in court from God
Mom continues to struggle with unbelief
Feeling the withdrawal of God's presence again
Circumstances again contradict my faith
Holding firmly to faith...encouraging myself to believe.
The actual recording from my phone at the Vero Beach Gospel Fest, which captured Daniel Kolenda speaking and praying 15 minutes before I thought I was miraculously healed
My false healing experience at Reinhard Bonnke’s Gospel Fest in 2013, followed by teaching and Biblical truth on the subject of healing
Surrounding by 777's at the Fort Lauderdale Cruise Terminal before court hearing
Explaining how my faith is being influenced by Charismatic Madness
Struggling with re-editing and telling my story
Praying for God to give my custody of my children
A terrible ankle injury and how God used it
Setting down my "tent making" business to focus entirely on the ministry work
Praying about my future wife, God shows me "Finish the work"
Hit with huge amounts of doubt and begging God to not let me be left as a fool
Asking God what He wants me to teach others in my ministry?
God severely trying my faith in the area of finances
Revelations on prayer and how it has changed in my life
I am having faith in God, not faith in faith
I am either the biggest fool I know or the most blessed I know
Increased parental alienation from my ex-wife
God tells me to confront mom on something inappropriate because she is calling herself a Christian
Confronting my mother about her salvation and going to hell
Satan blinds the eyes of unbelievers
Thoughts on living a life of faith and fear
Persevering in humble circumstances
Getting in God's love vs. Remaining in God's love
George Muller Faith with NO Money but God will provide
666 warning followed by another legal letter.
My creepiest encounter with a demon yet after a terrible dream about my ex-wife
Struggling to wait for my promise of a wife
Mom's bondage to fear
More render problems for new version of video leaves me very frustrated
By God's providence I run into the "woman" again
When God becomes our greater desire, our lesser desires die
My faith is being tried and tested regarding a future wife and my finances and fruit in the ministry
God is building up my faith muscle by making me wait
Choosing to walk by faith and not by sight
God teaching me faith is being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see
Praying for financial support everyday
Seeing a hurting woman in church and wanting to share the story with her
Confirmation about the 212 woman and her faith in Christ
How I end up being right even though I was often wrong
The revelation that I'll be with my children in heaven forever, not matter how much time we miss here
The question I would ask lukewarm Christians
The frustrations with my mother continue
It is better to ice cold or fiery hot than lukewarm
After much prayer I see more 212's and 1101 regarding the woman I believe God is to give me as my wife
She accepts my friend request on Facebook
Small TV stations asks to play my story on TV late at night
Police officer gives me grace after a rolling stop at a Stop sign
The desire to teach against Once Saved Always Saved
A summary of providential events so far with the "woman"
Feeling compassion for my ex-wife and her mother and father regardless of what they have done to me
Revelation and illustration about spiritual blindness
Seeing 7:11 and 11:11 so much, regarding my desire for a helpmate
God warns me about the Exotic Egyptian woman with 727
God shows me 212 three times regarding the "woman" I'm interested in
The need to persist in prayer
Realizing God no longer showing me certain numbers anymore because I don't need them
Laughing at what God says to the angels about me in heaven
Feeling tired, worn out, and needy. Asking Father to refresh my spirit
God shows me 747 and shows me he wants me to teach this to others Luke 7:47
The Spiritual 411 for finding God's guidance
Anxious to "get out there" and start helping people, but Lord is telling me to wait
Revelations about the problems others are facing that prevent them from knowing God
A terribly frustrating call with my old boss from the motivational speaking business
Satan tempts me with a very exotic looking woman at Starbucks
God shows me John 7:17 again
God uses the story to save someone from a second suicide attempt on the day of launch
A prophet has no honor in his own home or town: disappointing results from friends and family watching the story
Do not despise the day of small beginnings
God teaching me to ask specifically for what I want
Satan comes with his biggest sexual temptation yet
My children are being told I'm the devil by their grandfather
My children will have a real life example of New Testament Faith in my life through these recordings
Reflections on the soon launch of my story video
Praying fervently for God to open my mom's eyes
Reflecting on the financial disasters I made because I tried to save myself
Seeing never before seen spiritual attack against my producing this story
Very indignant over my mother's obstinate unbelief
God is arranging my circumstances and holding so many things back
God showing me 811 and telling me to finish the work
Prayer for large impact of the story before it launches
Believing that 1 million people will watch the story video
Satan bringing all kinds of flaming arrows of doubt about my story
Summary update
Feeling compassion for my ex-wife's attorney after all the attack
My Achilles heel is false accusation but God has strengthened me
Recalling some of the wonderful ways God has changed me
The Christian life is so much more simple than I ever understood
A simple illustration of what it means to Surrender to God
It's incredibly difficult to be a true Christian in America
Very detailed dream about meeting the "woman" then see 212 right after praying for a wife
The beginning on an epic spiritual battle trying to prevent me from rendering my story Trusting God in the Storm
The day of small beginnings in my ministry as the story is finished
God has made me poor so that others may become rich
It irony of truly having nothing, yet possessing everything
My message pleading with mega-church pastor Isaac Hunter to humble himself before God in his sin
God reminds me to preach the message of obedience
The need for a special place for prayer
Expressing the desires of my heart for my future wife
God teaching me to ask, seek, knock
Asking for God's wisdom in conflicts with mom
The first time Father taught me about John 7:17
You can only know the truth that will set you free by obedience
Counseling and encouraging a friend that his depression may be spiritual and not physical
Mom not understanding my faith in God regarding finances and causes conflict
Ex-wife increasing parental alienation restricting my phone access to them more and more
The running accident which left me with a terrible ankle injury
Confirmation from friends that I'm on the right path
Learning to be still before my accusers and trusting God alone
How much do I share with the children about their mom's evil choices towards me?
Chelsea reading Psalm 103 with me, at eight years of age
Dropping children off in FL and seeing such religious hypocrisy in my ex-wife that it is shocking
How I'm dealing with the oppression of my mother's false god, her material possessions
Another example of how the Lord speaks to me (222)
Recognizing the worldly spirit behind most music and the impact it has on us as Christians
Believing I'm good enough, in Father's eyes, for a Kari Jobe type wife
God challenging me to believe Him for His best in a wife
Realizing my relationship vulnerabilities after being thrown away by my first wife
Indignation about the worldliness all around me at Starbucks
More threats and harrassment coming from my ex-wife's legal team
Tired of hearing about myself in producing the story Trusting God in the Storm
Realizing I cannot go long at all anymore without prayer and Bible time
I have yet to meet a successful Christian business man where I could see that Jesus Christ was the true love of their life.
Legal assaults just keep coming even after we are divorced
The 666's show how much of a spiritual battle we are in
The enemy wants us to react to the evil he does to us through others
Handling spiritual conflict from my mother
If you are not being persecuted your relationship with Jesus is likely off
God's voice can sustain you in any storm
Who was Norma Grey and why she was so special to me
Norma’s beautiful prayer for my future wife
Wanting people to know that I'm a very normal person and not special
Feel darkness and confusion about my what God is telling me
God uses 10:10 to lead me to John 10:10 letting me know I'm under attack
The battles make me totally dependent on Him which I am learning to love so much
The deeper meaning and blessing of John 10:10
His strength is becoming perfect in my weakness
I don't deserve this kind of help and guidance from the Lord
Having anxiety after seeing 222 10 times in one day and then the reason why
Seeing lots of 666's and then ex-wife tries to schedule hearings after I've left town
Divine encounter with friend about John Eldredge highlighting spiritual warfare in my story
Praying for a car and finances so I can do full-time ministry
Important revelations about how I believe my story proves God
The American Dream comes from Satan, NOT God
The huge importance of doing, not just hearing
What if you walked away from everything for Christ?
God opens a tightly closed door for me to see the children
A conversation with a friend about needing Jesus in the heart
A wonderfully blessed visit with my children
Parental alienation increasing and God tells me not to resist
Freedom and miracles follow forgiveness
God calling me to be bold and courageous to speak the hard truth
A respected friend tries to guide me in a direction different from what God has told me
God is making my road more and more narrow
Running into my ex-wife and realizing how thankful I am that God freed me from her
Teaching my friend Gustavo about 11:11 for his relationship
Sharing the Gospel in Starbucks
Feeling spiritual darkness in Orlando and how the world is trying to get me to cool off for Christ
God defines "good" gifts differently than we do
Thoughts about a friend struggling with pornography
Confronting a friend of mine who is still chasing "Ideas"
Revelation that our stories are the hooks that God uses to fish for men
God uses Numbers 9:19 and Isaiah 50:10-11 to tell me to stay put regarding a "woman" and to obey Him and finish the work
Ex-wife's attorney files a new hearing for "Clarification of the Final Judgment" to try to turn around the victory God gave
Revelation that some people really are victims contrary to what motivational speaking teaches
The need to get people to run to God, not to men
Matthew 5:39 response to more parental alienation
Trusting that God sees all the wrongs done to you by others
My soul is beginning to relish in uncertainty because I trust God
The first time the Spirit gives me utterance for a stranger in prayer
Being accused of another health issue against my children form my ex
Being more thankful for my "thorn in the flesh" (my ex-wife)
Will my coffee date with my "blue moon" woman happen?
Struggling to understand my friends' slavery to sin
Disappointed that I still have not heard back from that "woman"
I made a major mistake with the "woman" by my anxiousness
God shows me Hebrews 4:14 after my failure
Father confirms my call into ministry with Isaiah 61:6
Realizing that exploring a relationship with a woman right now would be a serious distraction to my work
God confirms for me to finish the work with 2 Corinthians 8:11
Satan is now using women to try to distract me more and more
Separate from the darkness all around you in people
Tempted by an attractive woman the night after I met "the woman" I'm waiting to have coffee with
The Amazing revelation on what God was trying to tell me with 11:11
God will not give us what He has new for us, until we let go of the old
God corrects me from being creative (crafty) in telling my story
Giving my anxiousness about my future wife over to the Lord in prayer
More prayer for fruitfulness in the ministry
Military power vs God's power
Reflections on the terrifying arrows being shot into my heart about my ex-wife hurting the children
Being surprised that Satanic attacks come so quickly after a miraculous deliverance of God
Revelations about why I've grown more outside the "church" than I ever did in the "church"
Christ said, "Abide in me, not in the "church"
Revelation on how our music choice reflects our heart
A terrible temptation to look back to my old life and ways in order to win over a woman as a man who provides
A story for my friend who is trapped in pornography
Enemy attacks me with terrifying thoughts about my ex-wife and my children
A very powerful prayer for my ministry and those who will be touched by it
God promises me that many will hear the new song He put in my mouth and what God has done in my life and put their trust in Him
Hidden consequences of disobedience and important lessons on repentance
My burning desire to see more people know Jesus
The night I met a beautiful woman whom I was smitten by
The greatest thing in the world to me now is the un-explainable presence of the Lord
People reject Christ because they have incorrectly pre-judged Him
How I felt receiving my final divorce papers
Do not judge my God by my circumstances, but by my heart
The Revelation of my 777 day divorce
How Satan used my mom's fear to attack me and try to flip me over in my faith
When God said, "No" idea for a part of my book
Computer crashes just as I'm gaining momentum on producing my story video
Prayer thanking God for the freedom in Christ I've longed for and for revival through my story and ministry
God is asking us to trade up, rather than just give up
Everything is backwards in the Christian faith from our natural life
Why all the suffering in my life is proof of God
Becoming the brother in humble circumstances who can take pride in his high position
The hard teachings of Jesus are designed to blow out the half-hearted fans of his
How we can remain in the love of God
Renewing and strengthening my faith in the area of my finances
Signing up to be a fool for Christ in the eyes of others
Flaming arrows of doubts about telling my story
God is strengthening my faith through darkness
God teaching me not to manipulate people or circumstances to get my financial needs met, but trust only in Him
More validation that I'm doing what God has called me to do
God is staying silent in order to build my faith
Righteous indignation towards the darkness and idolatry in the world
Nothing brings me closer to God than prayer
Obedience must follow love, not the other way around
Why we lose the "Honeymoon with Jesus" feeling
Helping people to save time by avoiding "rabbit trails"
The shortest route to God making his "home" with you
We can't claim the promises of God without walking in obedience to God
I'm talking to you about a different Jesus Christ than you have likely heard about
Focus on Christ, not on the Family
Personal revival is the key to community revival
What is so wrong with "Christian" counseling
Jesus never said come to me and I'll heal you. He said come to me and I'll crucify you
How is it that some people in 3rd world countries who have gone through worse suffering than us still have joy-filled lives in Christ without counseling
Seeing an sobering truth in the life of Championship athletes
Jesus is the only One who hasn't failed me
Spinning our wheels searching for successful techniques and the “life hacks” of men
God is teaching me the importance of obedience and finding true joy in it
God will not take you out of the uncomfortable situation you are in until you become comfortable in it
God bringing relief between mom and I
God using devotionals in a new way to train me and guide me
How I mistook my own imagination for the voice of God
How so many Christians get into disaster through compromise with someone they believe God will change if they just pray hard enough
Desiring God so much that I begin to open myself up to Charismatic madness and deception
Feeling anxiety about finances and possibly going to jail
Finding myself smitten by a woman sitting right behind me
Telling my mom what it feels like to be totally free from the world and all its desires
Calling our worldly loves (ie. sports) what God calls them (idols)
The true Jesus gets in the way of yours and other's lives
Trying to mix oil and water is exhausting and futile
We do not trust God enough to obey Him, but it’s the secret of the deeper Christian life
Some of the marks of a person who knows God
Asking God to show you the barriers to Him that you cannot see
The need to be persistent in finding God
God bringing more people to me that I can help
My mom and Satan are trying to scare me into believing I'm going to jail
Effortless boldness and fruitfulness is pouring out of me
Recognizing that there is now an anointing on my words
The two works that seem to occur in the life of all believers
Summary of divorce injustice so far and having strong faith that justice will finally come
Confirmation that my story is my ministry
Enrolled in the school of faith
All I need is the presence of God
The inside out approach to knowing God
I am completely obsessed with God
Let us never talk about God as if He's not here
Planning for my ministry
More fervent prayer for God to turn my ex-girlfriend's heart to Him
Feeling a dread to go back home to my parent's house
Feeling a new calm towards my mother that I've not previously felt
God begins to make me so sensitive to the hurting around me and the lost
Sensing my ministry has a spirit of reconciliation to those who once knew, but have drifted away or gone cold
God uses a divine encounter with the band Unknown Lyric to confirm my purpose in Job 4:4
Divine encounter with a man named Bobby Junkin
Friend gives me a false prophecy about my ex-girlfriend
(NOT FOR CHILDREN OR THE EASILY OFFENDED) God will rarely force His way into someone's life. Paul may be an exception
The Lord asks me to set down masturbation and a certain music I've been listening to
Still not feeling released from my ex-girlfriend and hoping God will change her heart
Faith only works when we ask according to God's will
My current thoughts about Reinhard Bonnke
New insights on knowing God internally
Suffering makes God's promises real
God telling me to stand firm regarding seeking justice from the Magistrate in the divorce
Impossible obstacles rise in the divorce situation
A story about what God wants me to do in the next court hearing
A story of how God used a friend of mine to reveal to me that I have a very specific purpose
A surprise reunion with my children at their school and a test of my new heart before my enemy
Negative call with my children. Satan's attacks on them are working
Being spiritually attacked repeatedly at 3:00 am in the morning and in my dreams
The truth about binding and loosing Satan
An open door with the production department at Christ for All Nations (Reinhard Bonnke)
A story about what God wants me to do in the next court hearing
A story of how God used a friend of mine to reveal to me that I have a very specific purpose
A surprise reunion with my children at their school and a test of my new heart before my enemy
Negative call with my children. Satan's attacks on them are working
Being spiritually attacked repeatedly at 3:00 am in the morning and in my dreams
The truth about binding and loosing Satan
An open door with the production department at Christ for All Nations (Reinhard Bonnke)
God uses my son Tyler to give me divine guidance
Conflict with my former business partner and best friend
Measuring an accusation against the fruit in the person's life who presents the accusation
An eye opening moment contrasting my old life (worldly success) with my new life (spiritual success)
Realizing I can no longer pray the Old Covenant curses on my enemies as David did
Still missing my ex-girlfriend and praying for her
Drop the children for what will be the last summer visit with them ever
So thankful for the compassion that the Lord has given me for my #1 enemy
The Lord tests me by connecting me with "successful" people from my old life
A divine encounter with an old friend who is working for Reinhard Bonnke
Sensing spiritual attack and receive 2 Thessalonians 3:3
God training me to pray in faith, to believe I have received what I have asked
God confirms He's been showing me Revelation 2:2 with the number 202
Being afflicted in everyway and glorying in my suffering
My mom and I's biggest confrontation ever!
God giving me supernatural guidance and comfort in my pain
Father is breaking me of all my self-sufficiency
Outside pressure to get me to disobey God
All income doors are being closed before me
Realizing suffering that roots out SELF takes years, not months
So confused about my work situation and what looks like idleness in my life
The irony of someone wanting to interview me about my "success", not realizing I'm now a total "failure" in the eyes of the world
Trying to live in the New Covenant with the promises of the Old Covenant
Feeling like God has me in a vice, putting the squeeze on me
God testing me to see if I will deliver myself or stay put trusting in God alone
My physical body is weakened by all the suffering
Sensing Father is writing a wonderful story in my life that is not yet finished, hence why I haven't been ready to tell my story or make videos yet
Real transformation only comes through suffering, not teaching
Growing in discernment as I meet with professing business "believers"
Increasing pressure from others to "do something" and to stop waiting on God
The key principle for me in this season is to endure
A growing burden to begin sharing what I'm learning so far in my walk with God
Torn between two interpretations of my story, one of which makes NO sense to my flesh or my parents
Insights on why God is not allowing me to get a job
God answers my prayer to confirm I'm on the right path
Feeling anxiety about meeting a Christian business man
Asking God for wisdom because I'm too open to what other may want to do in my life
Receiving contradictory "Prophetic words from the Lord" from two different people
Confused about my work life/ministry life balance
Important revelations on God's Fatherhood
Father teaching me to "ask, seek, knock" continually and to depend upon Him fully in prayer
Brokenhearted after my meeting with a worldly entrepreneur who calls himself a Christian
A Summary of the divorce court story and injustices so far
The intense conflicts between my mother and I increase
Receiving a terrible blow of more false accusations and feeling like giving up on my faith in Christ
Tempted to find pain relief and just take a job
Tempting thoughts to find pain relief with my ex-girlfriend
Participating in the sufferings of Christ, something no Old Covenant believer could do.
Realizing true justice comes in the next life, not this one
If I try to escape this pain, I will also escape the character
The Spirit shows me that my ex-wife is being used in my life like a Pharaoh
I'm all alone, there is no one who can help me now but God
Confusing happiness with joy
Knowing what it means to despair even of life
A Summary of my current sufferings
God's amazing providence confirming Matthew 5:39 over and over
Seeing LOTS of 555's that God will deliver me
Good message at church about righteous indignation and the feminizing of Jesus
Validation of my righteous indignation and passion towards the things that offend God
Lessons from my faith failure in divorce court
Battling my mom's unbelief and antagonism towards my faith
Learning to not take the advice of those around me, but to seek God’s counsel alone
Incredible guidance through an Oswald Chambers Devotional
Willing to allow myself to be wronged or cheated in order to trust God
Choosing to be a fool for Christ
Satan attacks me through my mom right after a great time in prayer on the mountain
Revelations about my suffering and comforts both of which come form the Holy Spirit
Realizing the need of intentionally walking in the fruits of the Spirit
Reflections and insights on what happened regarding my relationship with Jill
God teaching me to be still and be a son
A practice message to others about my passion about discipleship
Engaging spiritual warfare with specific Scriptures
God shows me that I've gone to an extreme thinking that all my problems with my girlfriend are my selfishness, when in fact she is lacking discretion in some key ways.
Lesson from Dog eating my three day old Oakley Sunglasses
Ups and Downs of the Christian life
Revelations on making false meaning in our stories: Narrative Fallacy
Understanding the role fear has played in my relationships
Realizing my sufferings are killing SELF
Willing myself to learn to love selflessly
The motivation to give self up
Realizing that God's love is still not made complete in me
Realizing that I need to learn and intentionally obey Christ's teachings
Contrasting the world's ways with the ways of Godly men and women
Consciously realizing that every person I meet is an opportunity to represent the light of Jesus Christ
Thoughts on being "all things to all people"
Serving others is serving Christ
The gap between what we hear in Christian music and our daily reality
Being consciously aware of the two natures in you
My character flaws show so vividly when compared to this movie scene
The seriousness of denial in the Christian's life
The importance of asking God to show you the dark spots in your heart
Insights on child-like faith vs pursuing knowledge
Sacrifice: Saint vs. Politician vs. Professional Athlete - What's the difference?
The need for discretion
Changing my behavior to make Christ more attractive
God shows me partial obedience is not obedience
Praying God not to bless my ex-wife until He's done using her to afflict me for the growth
Gratitude to God for the suffering that is uniquely mine
Mysterious absence of Satan in recent weeks
Another reason being a Christian is so hard
How important it is to be in the moment
God confirms my greatest need is to deny myself
Children on vacation with $100 illustration
After prayer for more suffering, it comes through my son telling me that a life long secret of mine has been revealed to him by my ex-wife
Pursuing Knowledge vs Faith
Why Psychology should have no place in the life of a Christ follower
Why the Scientific approach of proving God falls short
My mother struggles to understand the message of "giving myself up"
Modern day idolatry and a test you can use to see if something is an idol to you
Quenching and Grieving the Holy Spirit
In church we are taught it's about believing, not obeying
An aggravating "Catch 22" in the Christian faith
Christianity in the flesh is impossible
The Two Biggest Obstacles for Christians
Giving up the World is not enough
Trying to figure out what stage I'm at in my walk
Revelations about what it takes to be complete in Christ
Lessons learned from my relationship with my girlfriend
Revelations on what "Perfect Love Casts Out Fear" means
The Great Evil is our own Self Life
Admitting and fighting against my evil selfishness
My Biblical response to my sin
Fighting the temptation to manipulate someone else to meet my needs
The simple answer is to give myself up
Feeling such a strong burden to call people out on their half-hearted Christianity
Facing the consequences of my pre-marital sex and disobedience
The gripping fear of giving myself up, and not having my needs met
Most Christians choose the safe path and miss the rewards.
What running the narrow path requires
The necessity of experiential faith
More insights on why we need discipleship and not counseling
Anxiety from having to attend a business conference
Learning to Trust God entirely for the Results in your life
Struggling to start teaching, while I'm still learning so much
I took the long way to fullness in Christ, but you don't have to
My commitment to get back to the simplicity of our faith
The saint must walk alone
Confirmation on Who I am to serve with my discipleship program
Insights while watching Oprah Winfrey and T.D. Jakes Life Class on TV
My prayer and confession of sexual sin to God, asking for forgiveness
Many new insights about Spiritual Warfare which came from a year of intense spiritual warfare.
Increased spiritual attack while reading the book, Kingdom of the Occult
Recognizing the childhood root of all my insecurity
God testing me in the area of finances
Satan uses old client to tempt me back into marketplace
Revelations on modern day idolatry
Asking ourselves honestly how much do we truly love God
Insights on truly knowing God
Parental alienation kicks into high gear
The Revelation of the Flesh being irretrievably broken
Walk by the Spirit, instead of trying to fix the flesh
Solving the confusion of Romans 7
More Revelation about Counseling vs Discipleship
Feeling a deep call to turn people from Idolatry
The rise of Spiritual incompatibility between my girlfriend and I
God is changing my thinking to what people would call "Radical"
A hypothetical trip to heaven to hear what Father would say about your love towards Him.
The need to ask for the Holy Spirit
The desire to go to men, rather than God
Going back to the simply teachings of Christ and believing Him to change you
The need to intentionally train ourselves to become Godly
This recording captures the early inspirations of what would eventually become the John 7:17 Challenge
We talk about God as if he is a subject, not a person, as if He was a "dead author"
I've learned more about my personal relationship with God outside the "church" than inside
Do you love the Lord? How do you know? What is your evidence?
Planning ideas about the discipleship program
God reveals His Jealousy through my own and He is giving me an experiential faith.
3/24 - Seeing 666 6 Times in 7 to 8 hours. Satan beginning to bring opposition to my discipleship training program.
It is God's mercy that we are not promoted before we are ready.
A. W. Tozer Insights and Revelations about true and false believers
How God is teaching me by the Holy Spirit and then confirming things by the words of Godly men.
Without Obedience we will never know the Presence and Power of God
Christians have a love affair with the world and then wonder why they don't have fullness in Christ.
My prayer for God to turn men from the world and to Himself.