Life Without Us - SoundSage

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“I think that going in with something imperfect and running with it is what made the following five years possible, and the following five years had so many great things.” — Karim Rizkallah

Like most founders, Valery and Karim didn’t know what they didn’t know. In the last episode of Season 2 of Life Without Us, they celebrate the five year anniversary of kickstarting the Clarens Commons community through a look back on their experience as founders.

In this episode:

Valery and Karim’s reflections on what they’re grateful for, most proud of, and how they failed, as founders
The perfect timing of their connection as co-founders . . . at a moment when both had a high degree of of readiness to hit 'go' on founding a community
The accelerated timelines they had to navigate because of their choice to offer on a home first, and find additional co-founders later
The optimism that left them less prepared than they wish they had of been for community member 'exits' (and new 'entries')
The call for ownership models that keep the 'financialization of housing' and 'living in community' further apart
Valery’s regret around not having a vision statement, and a shared regret around wishing there had been more time for celebration
The everyday, week, and month recurring events (from house dinners to movie nights to home improvement days) that stand out as highlights because of their regularity
Resource recommendations and a Karim and Valery January 14, 2023 event announcement: Co-Learning about Co-Founding (sign up at https://cofounding.eventbrite.ca!)

Find Karim Rizkallah and Clarens Commons in the Media:

The Toronto Star

CBC Tapestry

VICE

CBC Now or Never

Supernuclear Case Study

Find Other Episode References:

The Radish FriendLLC Model Explained

The Heart of Intimacy, The Root of Conflict

Finding Co-Founders and Creating Cooperative Culture with Yana Ludwig

Join Valery’s email list and get bonus content at lifewithoutuspod.com and hang out with her on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod Thank you for listening, rating, reviewing, and sharing!

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“In 20 years, we’re going to be much more conscious about the importance of social connection to our health and wellbeing.” — Pete Bombaci

How much human connection do we need? Pete Bombaci is the Founder and Executive Director of the GenWell Project. He joins Valery to talk about why connection guidelines similar to those that exist for food could be one key to happier, healthier lives.

In this episode:

Why people come together in a crisis — like in the early days of the pandemic, or during the 2003 Black Out — and why it’s a problem that many of us eventually fall back into disconnection
The more empathetic and compassionate society we can expect to live in 20 years from now if the GenWell Project’s human connection movement is wildly successful
The difference that guidelines around how much, and what types of, human connection we need (similar to the guidelines that tell us how to make healthy food choices) could make
What to expect from GenWell and its partners’ (Institute for Social Connection, the Public Health Agency of Canada, etc.) $760K Canadian Institutes of Health Research grant
Lessons from global research on human connection: from Dunbar’s number, to the supposed 200 hours it takes to build a deep, meaningful relationship, to the well-researched fact that loneliness shortens your lifespan
Why increasing people’s human connection consciousness is about both our own health and the health of others

The simple things folks who are not struggling with loneliness can do to help those at risk.

Find GenWell Project:

Website

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

YouTube

Find Other Episode References:

Canadian Social Connection Guidelines

Dunbar’s Number

200 Hours to Build a Close Friendship

Loneliness and Lifespan

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"We need community now more than ever” — Luc Lalonde

Luisa Ji is a multi-disciplinary creative, designer, and strategist. Luc Lalande is the Innovator-in-Residence at the Rideau-Rockcliffe Community Resource Centre. They join Valery to unpack the topic of ‘Community Futures’ from unique, but complementary perspectives.

In this episode:

The barriers to community-building innovation found in many existing institutions
Why local, low barrier opportunities to engage in innovation and future visioning through the arts are essential to make sure we imagine the inclusive community futures we all need
A community-centred vision for the decommissioned high school out of which the Rideau-Rockcliffe Community Resource Centre operates
The necessary revitalization of “third places” for social and community gatherings
Why we need more unglorified “third places” where grandmas and aunties gather to wash vegetables as young children play, and not just cafes, libraries, and other more formal, “clean” places for leisure
What we can learn from ecological metaphors about the (sometimes messy) ingredients to a healthy ecosystem to help us imagine more inclusive community futures
Why forces like deepening socio-economic inequality mean we need community now more than ever
The opportunities and challenges of technology-centred futures: from biased Artificial Intelligence (AI) algorithms to the Free and Open Source Software movement
What we can learn from emergent communities centring Indigenous ways of knowing such as the Vancouver Urban Food Forest Foundation
The call into better practices for welcoming difference so that we don’t alienate people who think differently from collaborative futures.

Find Luisa Ji:

Ground Work Instagram

Ground Work Website

UKAI Projects Instagram

UKAI Projects Website

Nomadic Labs Website

Find Luc Lalande:

Medium

Rideau Rockcliffe Community Resource Centre

Find Other Episode References:

Every One Every Day

Vancouver Urban Food Forest Foundation

Free and Open Source Software

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"The things that our members and participants share with us, we consider all of those things to be really sacred. So we're not going to share people's teachings and knowledge, cultural knowledge, with just anyone.” — Indi Madar

As the Communications and Community Engagement Lead with Brown Girl Outdoor World (BGOW), Indi Madar knows first hand the barriers to outdoor adventure that many of the women of colour in the BGOW community experience. She joins Valery to talk about what ‘intentional’ needs to look like when building community at the intersection of race, gender, and the outdoors.

In this episode:

The glowing passion, and glaring gap, that led Brown Girl Outdoor World founder, Demiesha Dennis, to starting the community
What it means to be a member of the Brown Girl Outdoor World community
The joy of learning to downhill ski and ice climb as an adult (alongside other newbie women of colour adventurers!)
The barriers that keep many racialized people from finding their way to outdoor adventure
Where the myth of ‘Outdoors equals white people’ came from, and how Indi and BGOW are changing the narrative and the place assigned to Black, Indigenous and People of Colour (BIPoC) communities in outdoor adventure and recreation
Why corporate partners interested in building sustainable, long-term partnerships are the only partners BGOW will consider in order to create a safe(r) space for community members
From breaking down transportation barriers to co-creating self-organized outdoor adventures, how the relationships that started at BGOW events are deepening over time.

Find Brown Girl Outdoor World:

Website

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

Find Other Episode References:

Support BGOW’s GoFundMe

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"This didn’t feel like much of a community when we moved in. And now everybody says ‘Ah, this is such a great place to live!’" — Steve Fick

Steve Fick has lived at Terra Firma, one of the Ottawa-region’s only cohousing communities, for more than 25 years, and is one of its founders. From shared meals, to shared tools, to neighbourhood-wide street parties and art tours, his insights from a lifetime of centring community are the inspiration we all need to seek more “us” in our lives!

In this episode

The organizing journey that allowed the Terra Firma co-founders to build enough faith and trust in each other and the concept that one couple bought into the project site unseen when the right property surfaced
How Terra Firma’s residents turned six residences into seven, plus a common space, and an oasis of a shared backyard right in the middle of an existing single-family home neighbourhood in Ottawa, Ontario
The benefits for parents, children (and later grandchildren!) of raising a family in a cohousing community
Insights on managing conflict in a manner that balances quick, effective repair with the human need for pause using skills like non-violent communication and compassionate listening, and having a budget for a mediator
How an entire neighbourhood joined together in a street party to celebrate Terra Firma Cohousing’s 25 year anniversary. A gathering that Steve describes as “a little piece of heaven.”
Steve’s latest co-created community project: The Old Ottawa East Art Tour
Why there’s no room for new members in Terra Firma (hint: because all the original founders are still there!)

Find Steve:

Facebook

Find Other Episode References:

Old Ottawa East’s Terra Firma Celebrating 25 Years

Cohousing is a potentially key way to combat loneliness — but it's difficult to get off the ground

Non-Violent Communication

Canadian Cohousing Network

Old Ottawa East Art Tour

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"It's not possible in this day and age with the challenges we're facing to say ‘No,’ and try to keep neighbourhoods preserved in amber." — Craig Ruttan

Public policy leader and co-home owner Craig Ruttan returns to the podcast to talk about how reality is stacking up against the vision for his cohousing community that he shared with Valery a year and a half ago. On the doorstep of the October 24, 2022 province-wide municipal elections, they also talk about the path to the missing middle and the system ambition needed in face of a worsening housing crisis.

In this episode:

How Craig and his three co-owners’ community vision and reality are lining up, a year and a half after their move
Advice to Craig’s past self: what he wished he had known sooner about co-buying and founding a cohousing community
How to get courageous with your neighbours, and the City of Toronto Committee of Adjustment, in pursuit of community expansion and urban densification via laneway house construction
What to say to the subset of homeowners dedicated to defending their single-family home neighbourhoods from the missing middle and other forms of density (often referred to as NIMBYs) at a critical moment for wealth inequality in our cities, provinces, and country
Why more neighbours (and groups like @MoreNeighbours and @HousingNowTO) representing future residents who can’t currently afford to live in Toronto are needed to help address the housing crisis
Policy insights on the path to densification as the de facto reality in a growing city taking too long to end exclusionary zoning

Find Craig:

Twitter

Find Other Episode References:

Toronto’s Laneway Suites Program

Meeting in the Middle: A Plan to End Exclusionary Zoning and Tackle Ontario’s Housing Crisis

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A year after the conclusion of season one of the Life Without Us podcast, host Valery introduces “Time” as the theme of season two while sharing a tribute to her greatest community- and connection-building influence: her mom, Sandy.

Episode available at lifewithoutuspod.com

In this episode:

Why so much time passed between seasons one and two of Life Without Us
What loss can teach us about the importance of having more “us” in our lives
Guests and topics to look forward to as season two episodes are released each Tuesday this fall
Lessons from a lifetime of connecting from Valery’s mom, Sandy.

Join Valery’s email list and get bonus content at lifewithoutuspod.com and hang out with her on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod

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Inspired by the stories of the Life Without Us podcast’s season one guests, host Valery mics up with a surprise special guest to reflect on what we loved, learned, and are looking forward to as we wrap up the show’s inaugural season.

Episode available at lifewithoutuspod.com

In this episode:

Which stories of community and connection inspired the most reflection
Which guests most nudged us towards change . . . and what might that change look like?
Moments of discomfort on what it means to show up well in community
Bringing back the classic unplanned phone call to stay connected
Boundaries: why we need them and how to manage them
What’s next for the Life Without Us podcast.

Join our email list, send us questions, and provide guest / co-host / topic suggestions at lifewithoutuspod.com and @lifewithoutuspod

Find Other Episode References:

Prentis Hemphill’s Quote on Boundaries

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“I think part of the heartbreak is that we actually think friendships are going to last forever . . . You just think: why wouldn’t we be in each other’s lives forever?” — Hima Batavia

Episode available at lifewithoutuspod.com

Hima Batavia is a writer, artist, and cultural designer based in T’karonto. Her practice focuses on rewriting and weaving narratives for our collective liberation, and exploring aesthetics of care and well-being, across conceptions of time / space through collaborative processes and performance-based works.

Inspired by an edition of Hima’s weekly newsletter called “the friendship renaissance is here (Which gives me all the hope),” host Valery and Hima mic’d up for this double episode unpacking the role of friendship in our lives, and in our concepts of community. Why double? Our convo was just too good to stop sooner!

In this episode:

Friendship in the age of COVID-19
Yes, healthy conflict in friendship is possible (and conflict avoidance is not it)
The profound pain of friendship breakups (and what a healthy one might look like)
Are your friends your community? Can you have a community without friendship?
Normalizing not having friends (meeting your needs for connection and intimacy > having a long list of ‘friends’)
How to friend with the neurodivergent
How might we build better friendship infrastructure?
Friendship and relationship hierarchies
Friendship futures.

Join our email list, send us questions, and provide guest / co-host / topic suggestions at lifewithoutuspod.com and @lifewithoutuspod

Find Hima:

Instagram (@hima_batavia)

himabatavia.com

afternoon dreams Newsletter (himabatavia.substack.com)

the friendship renaissance

Find Other Episode References:

Big Friendship

Call Your Girlfriend

Friendship in the Age of Loneliness

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“Food creates a distraction . . . When you’re just talking to somebody one-on-one it’s hard sometimes to get out your ideas and open up your heart; but, when you’re distracted by the flavours and you’re excited and it’s drawing in memories, suddenly it’s just a lot easier to have the conversation flowing.” — Natalie Bay

Episode available at lifewithoutuspod.com

Like many others, Natalie Bay hit video call fatigue early on in the pandemic. Despite living alone and missing seeing people, she found the online version of pre-pandemic hangouts left her feeling less connected than ever. Then one day she texted some friends in a group chat about her ‘boring’ plans to make macaroni and cheese with the leftovers in her fridge and suddenly found herself hosting her first online cooking class.

Join host Valery as she drops into a ‘Cooking with Nat’ class and hears from community members one year after they first started gathering on Monday nights to (virtually) cook and eat together.

In this episode:

The high failure rate of pandemic online hangouts
How a macaroni and cheese craving launched an online cooking class
Highlights from over a year of collaborative cooking and eating
Why food, and particularly preparing food together, is such a magic ingredient to creating connection and community
Whether to turn your community building event into a side hustle
Why communities thrive on consistency.

Join our email list, send us questions, and provide guest / co-host / topic suggestions at lifewithoutuspod.com and @lifewithoutuspod

Find Natalie: Instagram

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“The box is generally a two or three story single family home and that’s about it. I think knowing that we need to get a lot more creative about how we’re living means that we need to raise that bar and enable more of that creativity. Because cities should be a little messy. ” — Craig Ruttan

Episode available at lifewithoutuspod.com

Craig Ruttan bought his first home this year giving him a front row seat to the urban housing issues he was already familiar with as a public policy leader and community enthusiast.

At the outset of their search, he, his fiancé Alex, two other couples, and an individual set out to buy a four-unit home in downtown Toronto for their new cohousing community. At the end of it, Craig, Alex, and their friends, Mike and Heather, moved into a two-unit home with ambitions to expand through laneway house construction in the future.

Host Valery connected with Craig three weeks post move-in to talk about the joy of starting to realize his and his co-owners’ vision for living in community and the choices that need to be made to replace profit with people as the focus of Toronto’s housing policy.

In this episode:

House hunting as a group
Evolving private rituals and traditions into shared community experiences
Queer concepts of community
Intergenerational wealth, white privilege, and Toronto’s homogenization by housing policy problem
Housing access through “densification” “as-of-right zoning bylaws,” “strata ownership,” “shared equity models” and other creative policy solutions
Future hopes for a community and a city

Join our email list, send us questions, and provide guest / co-host / topic suggestions at lifewithoutuspod.com and @lifewithoutuspod

Find Craig: Twitter

Find Other Episode References:

Black North Initiative and Habitat for Humanity GTA Toronto Star editorial on Anti-Black Racism and Housing

Toronto’s Laneway Suites Program

Toronto’s As-of-right Garden Suites Proposal

Types of Strata Ownership

Options for Homes

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“Taking control a little earlier and figuring out who you want to live with, what the rules are going to be, and how you’re going to deal with things I think is just sensible planning. And maybe with the pandemic people will be thinking a bit more in terms of, ‘oh look what can happen down the road.’” — Louise Bardswich

Episode available at lifewithoutuspod.com

Louise Bardswich is one of the four headline making (and legislation inspiring) Golden Girls of Port Perry and a sought after expert on how to re-imagine what aging in place can look like.

Louise and host Valery Navarrete connected in February to talk about how her community has fared in the last year of the pandemic, and how choosing to live together before any of them “needed to” set them up for greater independence over the long-term than any were likely to have experienced otherwise.

In this episode:

The math you need to know if you plan to live a long and independent life
How to design a shared home for accessibility and life stage changes
The need for control: why living in community with a smaller group of people and rules you choose might suit you better than the alternatives in your senior years
The renewed interest in the Golden Girls of Port Perry’s model and urgent need for more options following the crisis seniors in Canada have faced during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Join our email list, send us questions, and provide guest / co-host / topic suggestions at lifewithoutuspod.com and @lifewithoutuspod

Find Louise and the Golden Girls of Port Perry coverage in

goldengirlsportperry.ca

The Ottawa Citizen

The Agenda on TVO

Find other episode references

They Left Us Everything by Plum Johnson

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“You gotta be honest about your hard lines; but, also be as generous as possible, because when you live in a collective the goal can’t be getting your way and convincing everyone else you need to get your way. The goal ought to be finding something for the collective that is as good and as safe for everyone as possible.” — Karim Rizkallah

Episode available at lifewithoutuspod.com

Karim Rizkallah has a 21 year relationship with living in community and shares his most recent milestone in that journey with Life Without Us host, Valery Navarrete. Together with four others they founded the Clarens Commons cohouse in Toronto.

On today’s episode, Karim joins Valery as a podcast key contributor to answer listeners’ questions about living in and nourishing community. We hope this will become a regular feature on the show. We just need more questions from y’all. So, please send us more questions. Cool?

**In this episode:

*** Has the word “community” been hijacked?

Is it useful to distinguish between so-called “big community” and the more organic, member-driven communities that many of us try to foster in our day-to-day lives?
What do we mean by “living in community?”
How do you determine fit for your community?
What makes a space ideal for cohousing or other big community project?

Join our email list, send us questions, and provide guest / co-host / topic suggestions at lifewithoutuspod.com and @lifewithoutuspod

To learn more about Karim and Clarens Commons check out these pieces from The Toronto Star, CBC Tapestry, and VICE.

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“We don’t have a lot of training in our culture for how to share your space with people that are [not] your family or your significant other.” — Gillian Morris

Episode available at lifewithoutuspod.com

Gillian Morris is the founder of Hitlist, a travel app that helps you find cheap flights, and co-editor of the Supernuclear Guide to Coliving. Gillian has been founding and living in coliving communities since 2015 and believes she is a better person because of it.

Host Valery Navarrete talks to Gillian about how to make living with other adults who are not your family work, and Gillian’s belief that while coliving may not be for everyone, it is something that would make sense for many more people than are practicing it right now.

In this episode:

How our childhood experiences can create space sharing mindsets.
The fears that prevent people who are coliving or cohousing curious from making the leap.
The guardrails that help make member-founded coliving communities work better for everyone (vs. commercial coliving residences, where someone operates the community for profit).
Stories of laughter and love from Gillian’s 20+ member coliving community in Puerto Rico .
Why now is the best time start your own community (yes, right now!)
Why we need to re-examine societal expectations around independence that are bad for the planet and bad for people, too.

Join our email list, talk to us, and provide guest / co-host / topic suggestions atlifewithoutuspod.com and @lifewithoutuspod

Find Gillian and Supernuclear: Find Gillian on Twitter and Instagram. Visit the Supernuclear Guide to Coliving.

Find other episode references: Why Not Now? Now is the time to start a community

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“What has affirmed my desire to be part of community is the feeling of pleasure that comes from a sense of being one, in service to something that is beyond yourself.”— Adil Dhalla

Episode available at lifewithoutuspod.com

Adil Dhalla is a community organizer and the Director of Community for Reset, a social enterprise that has been making pop up playgrounds since 2015. Adil’s past titles include Managing Director at Artscape Launchpad and Executive Director at the Centre for Social Innovation.

Host Valery Navarrete talks to Adil about his experience moving into the Clarens Commons cohouse in Toronto during the COVID-19 pandemic . . . just as she was moving out of it.

In this episode:

The benefits of living in community during a time of loneliness and isolation brought on by pandemic public health measures.
The value of intentionally creating space to ask the question “how can we live better together” through monthly house meetings.
With reflections inspired by authors Layla F. Saad, adrienne maree brown, Priya Parker, Arundhati Roy, and civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr., Adil shares the complexities of the cohouse’s journey to be in solidarity with the racial justice movement, and talks about the future of community given the crossroads at which we currently sit.
Adil and Valery talk about the role Reset played in their shared community building, and Adil shares his vision for “just play” in the city as Reset gets set to launch a social recovery project and community hub pilot in Toronto this summer.

Join our email list, talk to us, and provide guest / co-host / topic suggestions: lifewithoutuspod.com and on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod Find Adil and Reset: thisisreset.org, adildhalla.com, Instagram, TikTok, and Clubhouse

Find other episode references: Me and White Supremacy by Layla F Saad, Pleasure Activism by adrienne maree brown, The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker, and The Pandemic is a Portal by Arundhati Roy

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Stay tuned for new episodes of Life Without Us every Tuesday starting this spring! To stay up-to-date please subscribe, interact with us on Instagram @lifewithoutuspod, and find episodes and more at lifewithoutuspod.com.

On this weekly 30 ish minute show community builder and cohouse founder Valery Navarrete talks to guests from all walks of life who share their stories about living in and nourishing community to inspire more of us to have more “us” in our lives.

We want Life Without Us to be a platform for collaboration so please send us questions, guest ideas, and topics you’d like us to cover wherever you follow us. And, if you feel like giving us a rating or review, well, thanks friend. We appreciate you!

Life Without Us: Recent Episodes

Valery Navarrete