Divorce Conversations for Women: Recent Episodes
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA® | The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Divorce produces more stress for women than any other life event except for the death of a spouse. Even at the best of times, financial confidence may seem out of reach. It requires diligence and a deep understanding of your finances. For many of us that is a difficult, sometimes impossible task. We live in a complicated world. It’s not just a matter of income coming in and expenses going out.
Having access to knowledge and sound information can provide you with the confidence to face those decisions from a place of clarity. Knowing where you are at today and what you need to do moving forward can allow you to be more confident through this difficult transition.
Join us for practical financial knowledge, tools and inspiration to help you confidently move forward to your new destiny.
In this episode, Rhonda sits down with Becky Sampson, founder of Only Subpoenas™, for a grounded conversation about one of the most misunderstood tools in divorce: subpoenas.
If you've ever felt like you're making decisions without the full picture, you're not alone. Many women find themselves asking for financial information again and again—only to be met with delays, partial answers, or silence. This conversation explores what happens when you shift from asking… to accessing.
Becky shares her personal story of navigating a high-conflict divorce, where she issued 21 subpoenas over the course of her case. What began as a frustrating process became a turning point—helping her uncover critical financial information, build confidence, and ultimately create leverage in her settlement.
Together, Rhonda and Becky break down what a subpoena actually is (and what it's not), when it might make sense to consider one, and how it fits into a broader financial strategy during divorce.
This isn't about being aggressive. It's about being informed.
In This Episode, We Cover: * What a subpoena is—and how it differs from a discovery request * Why "asking nicely" doesn't always lead to full transparency * How subpoenas can help close gaps in financial information * The emotional side of gaining access to information (and what to do with it) * Why more information isn't always better—and how to stay strategic * Real examples of uncovering hidden accounts, income, and spending * The role of organization and clarity when reviewing financial records * How subpoenas can create leverage in negotiations * What to consider before pursuing additional documentation
Key Takeaway You don't have to make life-altering financial decisions with incomplete information.
And… you don't have to rush the process.
But there may come a point where continuing to ask keeps you stuck. That's where understanding your options—and having the right support—can change everything.
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Becky Sampson is the Founder and CEO of ONLY Subpoenas™ - After 21 hearings, 21 Subpoenas, and 3 ½ years in the Hawaii Family Court system, facing 5 attorneys and representing herself not because she wanted to, she had to for most of it, and she won. Not just any win, but a fair and equitable outcome for both parties while keeping an open heart. Since then, she has been affectionately known as "Becky Brockovich." Now she helps others navigate the legal system with strength and clarity, so they too can stand up for what's fair and walk away empowered.
- Website: www.OnlySubpoenas.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcingstrongbeckysampson/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/beckysampson11/
- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@divorcingstrong
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DivorcingStrong
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beckysampson/
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CDS®, and CEO of The Women's Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women's Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn't just about running the numbers. It's about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this episode of Disrupting Divorce, Rhonda sits down with Brett Ward, a nationally recognized family law attorney and litigation leader at Blank Rome, to unpack a topic that many people have never heard of: alienation of affection.
But this conversation goes far beyond one legal concept.
Together, Rhonda and Brett explore when mediation works, when it does not, and why so many people find themselves stuck in divorce processes that are not actually serving them. They talk candidly about power imbalances, lack of financial transparency, the importance of legal strategy, and what clients should be looking for in the professionals guiding them through divorce.
They also dive into how social media is shaping modern family law cases and why public humiliation can intensify already painful situations.
This is a grounded, insightful conversation for anyone navigating divorce and trying to understand their options more clearly.
In This Episode, We Cover: * What "alienation of affection" means and why it still exists in a small number of states * The difference between mediation and litigation — and when mediation may not be the right fit * Why power imbalances matter in divorce negotiations * The warning signs that mediation may actually be putting someone at a disadvantage * The role of trust, communication, and financial transparency in choosing the right divorce path * How social media can impact family law cases * Why clients need to be active participants in their divorce process * The importance of building the right support team, including legal, financial, and emotional support
Key Takeaways: One of the strongest themes in this conversation is that not every divorce belongs in mediation.
While alternative dispute resolution can be valuable, Rhonda and Brett both emphasize that it can become harmful when there is:
- a history of control or intimidation
- poor communication
- lack of transparency
- hidden assets
- fear-based decision-making
- unresolved abuse dynamics
Brett shares that mediation requires a certain level of trust and balance. Without that, the process can simply repeat the same unhealthy power dynamic from the marriage.
Another powerful takeaway is the reminder that divorce should not just happen to you — it should happen with you. Clients deserve strategy. They deserve advocacy. And they deserve professionals who will communicate clearly and involve them in the process.
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Brett Ward, Partner in Blank Rome's Matrimonial & Family Law Group & Co-Chair of the Firm's Litigation Department, concentrates his practice in all areas of matrimonial and family law, including divorce, paternity, custody and child protective matters. Brett has extensive experience in negotiating prenuptial, separation and settlement agreements, and with international custody and child support matters. He has significant litigation and trial experience in New York's Family and Supreme Courts, and has also successfully appeared before the appellate courts. Brett has served as a mediator and as an expert witness on New York family law issues.
- Website: https://www.blankrome.com/people/brett-s-ward
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brett-ward-ab6b154
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CDS®, and CEO of The Women's Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women's Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn't just about running the numbers. It's about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this eye-opening conversation, Rhonda sits down with Al Huntoon — a former custody mediator and co-parenting coach — to uncover what most people (and professionals) miss when it comes to high-conflict custody battles.
Al shares the blind spot he discovered after working with thousands of families: in many high-conflict custody cases, one parent is driving the conflict, while the other is simply responding to it. This dynamic is often misunderstood, misdiagnosed, or overlooked entirely — and it's costing families time, money, and peace.
Together, Rhonda and Al explore:
- How to identify asymmetric conflict in custody and co-parenting
- Why one-size-fits-all solutions like "parallel parenting" can backfire
- The role of emotional literacy and intentionality in navigating custody conflict
- Why assertiveness is a learned skill — and critical for collaboration
- How vague custody agreements create loopholes for high-conflict behavior
- Tools and tech to help you respond strategically instead of reactively
Whether you're in the thick of parenting negotiations or supporting clients through it, this episode offers real tools and refreshing clarity on a deeply personal topic.
👤 Meet Our Guest:
With a Master's in Social Work and over three decades of experience, Al Huntoon is a seasoned leader in family services, mental health, and adult education. His expertise in navigating complex family dynamics was honed through years as a custody mediator and coparenting specialist, where he supported families through shared parenting, blended transitions, and high-stakes relational pivots. Al brings a deep understanding of both the emotional terrain and practical logistics of separation and divorce, offering compassionate guidance, actionable tools, and tailored solutions that honor the unique needs of each coparent and child. His work helps families move through complexity with clarity, resilience, and grace.
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alhuntoon/
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CDS®, and CEO of The Women's Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women's Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn't just about running the numbers. It's about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this heartfelt and eye-opening episode, Rhonda sits down with therapist and author Oona Metz to talk about the emotional journey of divorce — and how to move through it with clarity and compassion. Oona shares her five-phase model for navigating divorce grief, built from decades of work with women in group therapy settings.
Whether you're newly separated or deep in the healing process, this conversation will help you name what you're feeling, understand what's normal, and take the next right step with confidence.
In This Episode, You'll Learn:
- Why heartbreak is the starting point of every divorce journey — even if you initiated it
- What it really means to "feel it to heal it" (and why it's not optional)
- The difference between therapy groups and coaching groups — and why facilitation skills matter
-
How to move from grief to growth in Oona's 5-phase model:
- Heartbreak
- Emotional Rollercoaster
- Mending
- Letting Go
- Moving On
- How group support reduces isolation and accelerates emotional healing
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Oona Metz is a therapist with 30 years of clinical experience. For the past 15 years she has specialized in treating women navigating divorce. She leads three weekly divorce support groups and trains mental health professionals to lead them as well. Her book Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women (Gallery Books/Simon & Schuster) comes out January 13th.
- Website: https://www.oonametz.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/oonametz/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/womennavigatingdivorce/
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/oona-metz-licsw-cgp-6a14a41b/
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@OonaMetz
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CDS, and ®CEO of The Women's Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women's Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn't just about running the numbers. It's about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this insightful episode, Rhonda sits down with Georgia-based attorney and author Bree Sullivan-Howell to unpack the emotional and legal realities of navigating divorce. From keeping your strategy private to the power of preparation, this conversation offers clear, actionable guidance for women in the thick of the process.
Bree shares hard-earned wisdom on:
- Why empowering clients with homework is key to long-term confidence
- How oversharing—even with friends—can hurt your case
- The emotional traps to avoid when communicating with your ex
- How to prepare for court with clarity, calm, and compelling evidence
- Why being "the voice of reason" in court is often your best legal strategy
- How to build and protect your inner circle during this pivotal time
- The underestimated power of silence—and when to use it
You'll also hear faith-based encouragement and a few of Bree's favorite quotes and verses that have carried her—and her clients—through the toughest chapters.
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Bree Sullivan-Howell is a Georgia-based attorney, author, and divorce survivor. She's the powerhouse behind Crush Your Divorce and Keep Your Faith and Crush Your Comeback, both written to guide women through the legal and emotional trenches of divorce with faith, strategy, and strength.
A former litigator with deep courtroom experience, Bree combines legal precision with real-world compassion. She's known for helping women cut through confusion, build strong cases, and take back control of their lives. Bree is also a sought-after speaker, content creator (@LawyerBri), and champion for women navigating divorce with clarity and confidence.
- Website: https://www.sullivan-firm.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/crushyourdivorce
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lawyerbree
- Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lawyerbree
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CDS, and ®CEO of The Women's Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women's Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn't just about running the numbers. It's about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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This week's episode is powerful, personal, and packed with resources.
Rhonda sits down with Heather Kutz, a wireless industry expert with nearly two decades of experience, to explore how mobile phones can either empower or control—especially for women navigating domestic abuse.
What You'll Learn:
- The red flags that your phone may be used to surveil or control you
- How shared phone plans can lead to financial and tech entanglement
- What the Safe Connections Act is—and how it helps survivors regain privacy
- Signs your phone may have spyware or tracking software installed
- Simple steps to protect your digital privacy
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Heather Kutz has been in the wireless industry since 2006, working across multiple carriers and roles—from frontline operations to strategic leadership. Over the years, she has developed a deep understanding of how mobile technology works behind the scenes, and how it can be used to either empower or control. She is not here representing any one company—she is here to speak to how the entire industry is stepping up to support survivors.
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women's Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women's Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn't just about running the numbers. It's about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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In this episode of Disrupting Divorce, Rhonda sits down with Dyna Vink, a Certified Integrated Health Practitioner and expert in perimenopause and menopause support. They dive into a critical but often overlooked topic: how hormonal shifts intersect with the emotional rollercoaster of divorce.
If you’re navigating the end of a marriage while also feeling off—emotionally, physically, or mentally—this episode will give you clarity, validation, and practical next steps.
What You'll Learn:
- Why so many women hit perimenopause right as marital stress peaks
- The 4 major symptoms that could be derailing your progress (and how to fix them)
- Why traditional medical tests often miss the mark
- What functional medicine can reveal about your hormones, gut health, and more
- Practical strategies to improve sleep, energy, mood, and metabolism
- How mindset—and the words you say to yourself—can change your experience
- Why now is the perfect time to start putting yourself first
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Dyna Vink is a certified Integrative Health Practitioner who founded Holistic Nutrition Lifestyle to help women better understand and manage the symptoms of perimenopause. As she entered this transitional phase herself, she quickly discovered a lack of clear, accessible information about the profound changes women experience during this time of their lives. Too often, women are left to treat a collection of confusing and seemingly unrelated symptoms without realizing they all point to one root cause: perimenopause.
You can find Dyna here:
- Website: https://holisticnutritionlifestyle.com/
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@PerimenopauseRelief
- Faceook: https://www.facebook.com/dyna.vink/
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dynavink/
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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What does it really take to “disrupt divorce”?
In this episode, Rhonda sits down with Jordan Rosenberg, a family law attorney from the Chicago area who believes the attorney–client relationship should be a true partnership — built on open communication, trust, and collaboration.
Together, they pull back the curtain on what most attorneys wish their clients knew and how women can take a more empowered role in the process.
You’ll hear insights on:
- Why viewing your lawyer as a partner — not just a service provider — changes everything
- The power of organization (and how small clues, like a $5 savings account, can reveal much bigger financial issues)
- Why “the smartest people know when to ask for help” — and how that applies directly to divorce
- The importance of building the right team: legal, financial, and emotional support
- How to set realistic expectations — without slipping into worst-case-scenario thinking
- Why “trusting the process” doesn’t mean handing over control, but staying actively engaged
Jordan also shares one of his favorite quotes that perfectly fits this stage of life: FEAR = Forget Everything And Run, or Face Everything And Rise.
This episode is packed with both practical tools and encouragement for anyone navigating the complexities of divorce.
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Jordan Rosenberg is a partner at one of the nation’s largest family law firms. He brings deep experience in trials and mediations, pairing sharp advocacy with practical, client-first strategy. A Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, Jordan has been recognized as a Super Lawyer and Leading Lawyer. He also holds credentials in Certified Financial Litigation and is actively involved in the divorce community, regularly educating and mentoring other attorneys.
You can find Jordan here:
- Website: https://www.beermannlaw.com/team/jordan-d-rosenberg/
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JRosenbergFamilyLaw
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jrosenbergfamilylaw/
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jordan-rosenberg-9a0bb821/
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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Prenups aren’t romantic, but they are powerful. In this episode, NY matrimonial attorney Evan Schein explains what a prenup can and cannot do, why early conversations matter, and how precise drafting prevents costly fights later. We talk disclosure, fairness, and how to keep agreements current as life changes.
What you’ll learn
- What a prenup is, and isn’t: A financial agreement signed before marriage that can cover assets, debt, and spousal support. In New York, it cannot set child support, kid expenses, custody, or parenting terms.
- Disclosure that holds up: Why both partners should list assets, accounts, businesses, and premarital property with as much detail as possible.
- Separate vs. marital property: How to define each, and why you must specify how income from a separate business is treated during marriage.
- Fairness and enforceability: Factors courts look at later, including independent counsel, full disclosure, and whether terms were unconscionable then or now.
- Avoiding the “muddy middle”: Clear drafting prevents contradictions and vague catch-all clauses that derail enforcement.
- Pressure is a red flag: Don’t sign because the date is set. Start early, get your own lawyer, and understand real-life implications.
- Amend as life changes: You can update with a postnup or amend the prenup. Revisit every 3 to 5 years or after major life events.
- Start the conversation sooner: Talk money, lifestyle, goals, and expectations before venues are booked.
With the right strategy, you can protect love and money, reduce conflict, and set expectations that age well. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Evan Schein is a partner with Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein. He leads the firm’s litigation practice, leading a team of 28 highly regarded matrimonial attorneys.
Mr. Schein is a recognized authority on matrimonial law and litigation in New York State, with a practice focusing on issues that arise in high-net-worth and high-income divorces, as well as high-conflict child custody matters. As an experienced litigator who has tried many divorce cases and family law matters from inception through final decision, Mr. Schein is able to craft legal strategies unique to each set of facts and make strategic and tactical decisions that best represent a client’s interests. His cases have resulted in reported decisions that have broken legal ground, and he has regularly represented business owners, doctors, attorneys, financial professionals, corporate executives, and high-profile individuals, as well as their spouses. In addition to his litigation work, Mr. Schein is also frequently retained to negotiate prenuptial and postnuptial agreements.
You can find Evan here:
- Website: https://www.berkbot.com/
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
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Divorce makes college planning more complex. In this episode, Vicki explains the 2024 FAFSA changes, student loan rules, and how to find scholarships that actually make a difference. She also shares client stories where strategic planning saved families thousands—even hundreds of thousands—on college costs.
What you’ll learn * Why the parent providing more financial support (not the custodial parent) now files the FAFSA * How CSS Profile schools may require financial info from both households * Student loan basics: limits, subsidized vs. unsubsidized, and upcoming changes for parents * Smart scholarship strategies—what to prioritize, what to skip, and how to avoid wasted effort * The impact of remarriage on financial aid and why timing matters
With the right strategy, you can lower college costs, protect your retirement, and reduce conflict during and after divorce. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Vicki Vollweiler is the founder of College Financial Prep and author of "College Planning for Divorced and Widowed Parents." She has spent years helping families save thousands on the cost of college through college planning, financial aid, scholarships, and appeals. Her specialty is working with divorced and separated parents, offering guidance as a neutral third party so they can feel supported and confident while planning for their child’s future.
You can find Vicki here:
- Website: https://www.collegefinancialprep.com/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CollegeFinancialPrep/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/collegefinancialprep
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Vocational assessments can shape spousal support and earning-capacity debates. Rhonda and Dan unpack what credible reports look like, how to prepare, and how to challenge numbers that don’t match reality.
What you’ll learn in this episode: ✨ Purpose & scope: Employability, realistic job options, training needs, and reasonable earnings.
✨ Data that matters: Social Security earnings, medical narratives, education, work history, and daily commitments.
✨ Prep moves: What to bring, how to show up, and how to keep the interview factual and respectful.
✨ Quality standards: Current labor data, paid databases, and transparent methodology—not a Google job search.
✨ Retraining reality: Timelines (PT vs. FT), tuition costs, entry pay, and wage progression.
✨ After the report: Red flags to spot and when to seek a second opinion.
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Dr. Dan Wolstein is President of Kincaid Wolstein Vocational and Rehabilitation Services. He is a highly experienced vocational evaluator who actively contributes to advancing science and professionalism in the vocational field.
His research has been published in the Journal of Forensic Vocational Analysis. In 2018, he and Jeff Truthan presented their research (regarding the 137 sedentary unskilled occupations in the DOT) at the 2018 National Organization of Social Security Claimants’ Representatives (NOSSCR) Disability Law Conference and again in 2019 at the IARP.
Dan Wolstein served at the American Board of Vocational Experts, as President Elect from 2022 and 2023, President from 2023 to 2025, and will be serving as Past President from 2025 to 2027.
He completed his doctoral studies in rehabilitation counseling and administration at East Carolina University and his Master of Science in rehabilitation counseling from Rutgers University (formerly the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey).
Dr. Wolstein holds the following licenses and certifications:
- Certified Rehabilitation Counselor (CRC)
- Certified Life Care Planner (CLCP)
- International Psychometric Evaluation Certification (IPEC)
- Diplomate of the American Board of Vocational Experts (ABVE/D)
- Licensed Rehabilitation Counselor (LRC)
- Forensic Vocational Expert (FVE)
- Certified Vocational Evaluator (CVE)
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this episode, Rhonda sits down with Stacey Wynn, MDiv, PCC to talk about the intersection of ✝️ faith, 💔 divorce, and 💪 empowerment. Together, they unpack the realities of spiritual abuse, the stigma surrounding women of faith who pursue divorce, and the practical steps women can take to reclaim their agency.
What you’ll hear in this episode: ✨ Why “divorce heals broken homes” is a powerful reframe 🚫 How toxic theology impacts women navigating high-conflict divorce 🤝 The importance of building safe, judgment-free community 🧠 What emotional intelligence is—and why it matters in divorce 💜 Encouragement for women of faith: nothing separates us from the love of God
Resources mentioned: 📖 Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown 📘 Daniel Goleman’s work on Emotional Intelligence 📝 IEQ9 Emotional Intelligence Assessment 🔎 Myers-Briggs, DiSC, and CliftonStrengths (StrengthsFinder)
This conversation is both practical and hopeful - a reminder that you’re not alone, and that your faith and your future can be reclaimed on your terms.
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Stacey Wynn, PCC, specializes in trauma-informed coaching for faith and life transitions, guiding individuals from confusion to clarity during pivotal moments—whether navigating shifts in spirituality, career, or relationships. As an ICF Professional Certified Coach (PCC), Stacey draws on her academic foundation in theology and her own experience exiting toxic evangelicalism, along with years of supporting others deconstructing from harmful belief systems and spiritual abuse. She offers a compassionate, empowering environment for deep growth and genuine renewal. A certified iEQ9 Level 1 and 2 practitioner, Stacey has coached more than 300 clients - spanning both corporate teams and private practice - using the Enneagram’s profound insights, and is currently deepening her expertise through “Building Wise, Talented, and Humble Leaders with the Enneagram” via the Enneagram in Business organization. Her trauma-informed coaching merges spiritual understanding, leadership wisdom, and practical support for those facing the complexities of identity and transformation. Outside of coaching, Stacey enjoys exploring nature, sharing adventures with her daughter, and beekeeping alongside her partner Dave in North Florida
Connect with Stacey Wynn:
- Linktree: https://linktr.ee/clarityunleashed
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Divorce mediation doesn’t have to feel confusing. In this episode, Rhonda sits down with her friend Rebecca Stern, owner of Pearl Mediation, to break down the different types of mediation and how to know which one is the best fit for your divorce journey.
Whether you’re in a high-conflict situation 😤 or navigating things more peacefully 🤝, Rebecca shares how mediators can balance power, guide tough conversations, and help you walk away with clarity and confidence.
👉 If you’ve ever felt lost in mediation or unsure what questions to ask, this conversation will give you the tools to move forward with strength.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode: ✨ The 4️⃣ main types of mediation (and when each is useful) ✨ How mediators address power imbalances ⚖️ ✨ Smart questions to ask when interviewing a mediator 💬 ✨ The difference between compromise vs. sacrifice 🤔 ✨ How to know if you’re working with the right mediator for you ✅
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Rebecca Stern is a divorce & family mediator, special education parent advocate, parenting coordinator, strategic divorce consultant, and founder of Pearl Mediation. She works with both amicable and high-conflict couples and is driven to change the divorce experience for families. A professional problem-solver, Rebecca navigates clients through issues of custody, parenting, child support, spousal maintenance, property division, and has created right-fit special education plans for countless families. Avoiding the expense, time, and drama associated with the traditional adversarial process of divorce, Rebecca helps clients build enduring agreements and move forward on solid ground, educated, and empowered.
Connect with Rebecca Stern:
- Website: https://www.Rebecca-Stern.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rebeccasternjd/
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebeccapearlstern/
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this solo episode, Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, unpacks the psychology behind the "Disney Dad" and why his extravagant gestures aren’t really about the kids. If you’ve ever felt frustrated, exhausted, or even questioned your worth as a parent while your ex showers the kids with trips, gifts, and treats—this episode is for you.
Rhonda reveals how Disney Dad tactics often mask deeper issues like guilt, ego, or financial manipulation, and how those behaviors can quietly erode your financial future if left unchecked. She shares the tools and mindset shifts you need to reclaim your power, protect your financial stability, and create a safe, consistent environment for your kids.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
- The psychology driving Disney Dad behavior—and why it’s not about the kids
- How financial control and guilt are used as manipulation tools in divorce
- The real cost of staying silent during negotiations (including the 41% lifestyle drop women often face post-divorce)
- Practical steps to advocate for yourself and uncover the true value of your assets
- How to “flip the script” and redefine what it means to be the fun, empowering parent—without sacrificing your financial security
Rhonda also shares her free mini-course: 6 Steps to Advocate for a Fair Divorce Settlement, where you’ll learn how to spot red flags in financial disclosures, ask the tough questions, and build a strategy to secure your future.
If you’ve been feeling overshadowed by Disney Dad antics, this episode will help you step into your power, advocate with confidence, and focus on what truly matters: your financial stability, your kids’ well-being, and the empowered future you deserve.
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this powerful episode, Tracy Malone returns to discuss what most lawyers don’t tell you about parenting plans — the money. From major expenses like cars and tech, to everyday costs like school supplies, Tracy breaks down how to build financial protection directly into your parenting plan.
She and Rhonda explore real client scenarios, highlight common pitfalls in legal agreements, and share practical strategies to help you avoid future conflict, legal fees, and emotional burnout. If you're navigating divorce or co-parenting, this episode will give you the clarity and confidence to stand your ground — and plan for your future.
Key Topics Covered: * Why financial clauses are critical in parenting plans * Specific costs you must define (phones, insurance, travel, etc.) * The power of a noncompliance clause — and why you need one * How financial ambiguity leads to conflict (and how to prevent it) * What lawyers often overlook in divorce agreements * A walkthrough of Tracy’s Parenting Plan Course: 52 lessons for every kind of family * Using tech tools like Dcomply to track shared expenses * How to split professional costs (therapy, medical, mediation) fairly * Why naming a mediator or parent coordinator can prevent long-term headaches
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Tracy A. Malone is a dynamic Author, Speaker, Educator, and internationally recognized narcissistic abuse and divorce coach. Tracy has a bestselling book, “DIVORCING A NARCISSIST: You Can’t Make This Shit Up!”. As a surTHRIVER of abuse, she has become a leading advocate for empowerment and healing. Tracy founded NarcissistAbuseSupport.com, a global resource that supports millions of survivors worldwide. She also hosts a podcast and runs a successful YouTube channel. In 2024, she launched ParentingPlans.org, a comprehensive educational platform guiding parents in creating effective co-parenting plans post-divorce. Her course promotes a collaborative, peaceful approach for parents and their children.
Connect with Tracy Malone:
- Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/188681268196044/
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TracyAMalone
- Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/tracyamalone
- X: https://x.com/TracyAMalone
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tracyamalone/
- Podcast (iTunes): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/podcast-narcissist-abuse-support/id1244854330?mt=2
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracyamalone/
🎁 BONUS: Tracy is offering exclusive coupon codes for listeners who want to enroll in her Parenting Plan Course. Details below:
Parenting Plan Course
Use coupon code at checkout: RHONDA-LOVES-100
🎙️ Your Host:
Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this empowering episode of Disrupting Divorce: Conversations for Women, Rhonda sits down with Energy & Empowerment Coach Aimee Carlson to explore the overlooked but critical role of energy in the divorce process. Aimee shares practical strategies to help women stop running on empty and start tuning into their inner strength—even in the middle of major life transitions.
They dive deep into what it means to track your energy, manage stress, and build the kind of connections that sustain you through change. Aimee’s approach is clear, accessible, and deeply compassionate. Whether you’re trying to hold it all together or rediscover what lights you up, this episode gives you the tools to start where you are.
Key Topics Covered:
- How low energy sabotages decision-making during divorce
- The power of tracking sleep, food, mood, and productivity—without judgment
- Paper vs. app: How to track your energy in a way that actually works
- The role of gut health in clarity and resilience
- Why a deep breath can change your whole day (and mindset)
- Rebuilding trust after it’s been broken—and Rhonda’s “CIA” method to vet your team
- The importance of community and where to find connection in unexpected places
- How to anchor into a future vision when the present feels overwhelming
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Aimee is the founder of She Force, a movement and coaching brand empowering women to rise with clarity, confidence, and unapologetic joy. Known for blending bold leadership with deep personal transformation, she helps ambitious women break outdated rules, reclaim their worth, and celebrate even their smallest wins — because that’s where real power begins. Her mission is simple: help women stop shrinking and start shining — on their own terms.
Connect with Aimee Carlson:
- Website: SheForce Coach
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aimee-carlson-b5152b65/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sheforcecoach/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sheforcecoach
🎙️ Your Host: Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this insightful episode of Divorce Conversations for Women, Rhonda Noordyk welcomes mortgage expert and CDLP® trailblazer Jody Bruns for a heartfelt and eye-opening conversation about a critical—but often overlooked—component of divorce: mortgage planning.
Together, they unpack the unique financial, legal, and emotional challenges women face when trying to keep, refinance, or buy a home during divorce. Jody shares cautionary tales, real-life case studies, and empowering advice designed to help women avoid common missteps and build a more stable financial future.
This episode is more than just numbers—it's about protecting your future, understanding your options, and ensuring your divorce settlement truly supports your next chapter.
🔑 Key Discussion Points: 🏠 Why mortgage planning should be part of every divorce conversation ⚠️ Common risks: unrealistic affordability expectations and denied loans 📑 How one poorly written settlement tanked a mortgage deal 🔍 Understanding the two types of loan assumptions (and their divorce implications) 💡 Why cash flow matters more than just chasing low interest rates 📉 The emotional and financial realities of post-divorce downsizing 👩💼 What a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP) actually does 🤝 How to build a powerful, multi-disciplinary divorce support team 🛡️ Why proactive mortgage strategy protects both spouses in divorce
👤 Meet Our Guest:
Jody Bruns, CDLP® Founder of the Divorce Lending Association | Host of Beyond the House | Mortgage & Divorce Strategy Expert
Jody Bruns is a nationally recognized leader in the divorce mortgage planning space. As the founder of the Divorce Lending Association and creator of the CDLP® certification, she’s spent years helping professionals and clients navigate the complex intersection of divorce and home financing.
Her mission? To provide clarity, education, and strategic solutions so divorcing individuals—especially women—can make smart housing decisions that support long-term stability.
🎙️ Host of: Beyond the House 🌐 Website: divorcelendingassociation 🌐 IG: jodybrunsofficial
🎙️ Your Host: Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this transformative episode, Rhonda Noordyk sits down with Dr. Lisa Fox to explore the complex realities women face in the midst of divorce, especially when coercive control, abuse, and financial manipulation are involved.
Drawing from her personal journey as a trauma coach and surgeon—and her experience navigating a high-conflict divorce—Dr. Fox shares candid insights and practical strategies for women to reclaim their power, protect themselves, and advocate for their rights.
Together, Rhonda and Dr. Fox dive into the emotional, legal, and financial dynamics of leaving a toxic relationship while prioritizing safety and self-worth.
Key Discussion Points: 🔍 Recognizing patterns of narcissistic abuse and coercive control
🧠 Understanding cognitive dissonance in abusive relationships
🚫 How to disengage from smear campaigns and emotional manipulation
👩👧 Strategies for managing parental alienation and protecting your children
🛏️ Creating a calm, safe home after visits with a high-conflict co-parent
🎵 Using tools like aromatherapy, brain spotting, and even music to regulate and heal
💡 Lisa’s personal story of escaping the trauma bond and finding clarity
📱 Using parenting apps and minimizing contact for co-parenting safely
🔮 Upcoming collaborative projects including hypnotherapy and trauma-informed approaches
👥 Meet Our Guest:
Guest Expert: Dr. Lisa Fox Also known as Doc Fox, Mom, Mama, Gigi, Sister, Friend, and Confidante—Dr. Lisa Fox is a survivor, healer, and guide. With deep empathy rooted in personal experience, Lisa supports others who are emerging from the shadows of emotional and psychological trauma. Her mission is to help fellow survivors find clarity, peace, and power in their healing journeys.
Survivor | Trauma Healing Advocate | Soulful Guide Helping individuals rediscover their voice and strength after emotional upheaval—offering hope, connection, and soul-deep healing for those who feel lost in the aftermath of trauma.
🕊️ “If you’ve found me, it’s likely we share a name—Survivor.”
🌐 Website: shadowandsoul.com 📸 IG: shadowandsoul_
🎙️ Your Host: Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this powerful and deeply insightful episode of Breaking the Trauma Bond with Lisa Happ , Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, sits down with divorce coach and survivor Lisa Happ to unpack the layered realities of high-conflict divorce—especially when narcissistic abuse, coercive control, and parental alienation are in play.
Together, they offer transformational strategies for women navigating these emotionally charged separations, empowering them to recognize abuse, reclaim their voice, and create a safe, healing home environment for themselves and their children.
Whether you're in the midst of a difficult divorce or supporting someone who is, this episode sheds light on both the pain—and the path to peace.
Key Discussion Points:
- 🔍 Recognizing patterns of narcissistic abuse and coercive control
- 🧠 Understanding cognitive dissonance in abusive relationships
- 🚫 How to disengage from smear campaigns and emotional manipulation
- 👩👧 Strategies for managing parental alienation and protecting your children
- 🛏️ Creating a calm, safe home after visits with a high-conflict co-parent
- 🎵 Using tools like aromatherapy, brain spotting, and even music to regulate and heal
- 💡 Lisa’s personal story of escaping the trauma bond and finding clarity
- 📱 Using parenting apps and minimizing contact for co-parenting safely
- 🔮 Upcoming collaborative projects including hypnotherapy and trauma-informed approaches
👥 Meet Our Guest:
Guest Expert: Lisa Happ Lisa is a certified coach specializing in high-conflict divorce recovery. With lived experience and a strong foundation in trauma-informed coaching, Lisa helps women identify abusive patterns and take empowered steps forward. Contact info to be provided in the show notes or episode description.
Certified Coach | Divorce Recovery Specialist Helping women navigate high-conflict separations with trauma-informed support—identifying abusive patterns, reclaiming confidence, and taking empowered steps forward.
🌐 Website: www.lisahapp.com 📸 IG: @lisahappcoaching 📘 FB: @lisahappcoaching
🎙️ Your Host: Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA® CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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When the legal system becomes a weapon, how do you protect yourself—and your children? In this compelling conversation, Rhonda is joined by Lisa Johnson, co-founder of Been There, Got Out, to expose the realities of legal abuse, coercive control, and the hidden challenges self-represented litigants face in high-conflict divorce and custody battles.
Lisa shares both her lived experience and professional insights to equip listeners with tools for survival and success in the courtroom. From navigating manipulative exes to choosing the right attorney and crafting a rock-solid parenting plan, this episode is packed with strategy, strength, and solidarity for anyone who feels like the system is stacked against them.
💬 Key Topics Covered: * 🔥 What is legal abuse? Recognizing and naming coercive control in court * 💡 Jennifer’s Law and how it’s changing the legal landscape for survivors * 🧾 The 3 pillars of strong documentation (and how to avoid common mistakes) * ⚖️ How to vet attorneys who understand trauma-informed litigation * 🎯 Courtroom strategy: Presenting evidence, staying focused, and not getting derailed * 🧠 Working with impaired co-parents and using AI and tools strategically * 🧩 The essentials of an airtight parenting plan—including therapy clauses and more * 💪 Lisa’s story: From surviving the system to helping others take it on
Connect with Lisa here:
https://beentheregotout.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/been_there_got_out/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@BeenThereGotOut Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BeenThereGotOut TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@been_there_got_out LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/been-there-got-out/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/BeenThereGotOut Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/Been_There_Got_Out/ Podcast: https://beentheregotout.buzzsprout.com/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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In this episode, Rhonda Noordyk welcomes Karen, known as the "Good Divorce Coach," to discuss how divorce can be a transformative process rather than a destructive one. Together, they explore essential strategies for navigating divorce with emotional regulation, communication, and self-care.
Key Takeaways: * Divorce as a Transformation Tool: How shifting your mindset can turn divorce into an opportunity for personal growth. * Parenting Through Divorce: Effective communication strategies, maintaining a unified front, and preparing children for the transition. * Navigating Life as a Single Person: The importance of self-care, rediscovering personal joy, and embracing the "Devorgasmic stage." * Co-Parenting & Relationship Transitions: How to manage changing dynamics with respect and strategy. * Practical Divorce Advice: Tips for those without complex financial situations and the power of community support.
Connect with Karen here:
Website here.
Link to socials here.
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
In this insightful episode, Rhonda and Heather dive into the unique challenges women face during divorce, from financial concerns to emotional well-being. They discuss the importance of financial literacy, self-advocacy, and navigating the legal system with confidence. The conversation highlights the role of mediation in resolving disputes, the need for skilled mediators, and why women should take an active role in decision-making both during marriage and divorce.
Key Topics Covered:
- Financial challenges women face during divorce
- Empowering women to understand and manage their finances
- The role of mediation in resolving disputes
- Importance of skilled mediators and legal guidance
- Why women should be active participants in financial and legal decisions
Connect with Heather:
Heather's Linktree
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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In this episode, Rhonda and Brynn discuss the crucial role of a nanny in co-parenting relationships, especially during and after divorce. Brynn, founder of the Premier Nanny Network, shares how professional nannies provide stability, facilitate trust, and help manage daily logistics, allowing parents to focus on quality time with their children. They also explore Brynn’s work in supporting women through life’s challenges and the potential for future collaboration.
Key Topics:
- How a professional nanny supports co-parenting dynamics
- The impact of nannies on stability, trust, and financial matters post-divorce
- Brynn’s work helping women navigate life transitions
- Exciting plans for a future collaboration
Connect with Brynn:
www.premiernannynetwork.com
@premiernannynetwork
Her Social Media:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/brynn-ungerleider-a123ba30a/ https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558084171799
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
In this episode, Rhonda sits down with Anne Wintemute, CEO of Aimee Says, an innovative AI app designed to support individuals through the challenges of divorce, especially those recovering from abusive relationships. Anne shares the inspiration behind Aimee Says and its mission to provide accessible companionship, legal guidance, and emotional validation, bridging the gap often left by costly therapists and legal professionals. She highlights the app's impactful features, including a message evaluation tool that helps users process and respond to communication from their abusers with clarity and confidence. Tune in to hear how Aimee Says is transforming the divorce process into a less traumatic and more empowering journey for its users.
Connect with Anne:
https://www.facebook.com/people/Aimee-Says/61552414454913/
www.aimeesays.com https://www.aimeesays.com/en/home?utm_source=financial&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=dec_launch
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda talks with Divorce Recovery Coach and Therapist, Dawn Wiggins about healing in a holistic way. It’s a fascinating conversation about trauma and healing and how homeopathy can work to bring you back to your true self. Learn about:
- Mind / Body Connection
- How we store negative energy
- Homeopathic treatment methods
- There are resources to help you lift your energy levels [be sure to check out Dawn’s journal - linked below]
21 Day Immersive Journal
To get the journal for free, use the code: EMAILFRIENDS
And be sure to grab Rhonda’s new book: Bold Beginnings!
About today’s guest:
Divorce recovery coach and therapist Dawn Wiggins helps people tear down
their walls and build back their confidence. Challenging the status quo, she
integrates multiple modalities from EMDR Therapy to EFT tapping, immersive
journaling, and homeopathy, embracing remedies that heal both the mind and
body.
She is on a mission to deliver life-changing therapy in an accessible and
affordable way, with the same enlightenment that happens in her office: part science, part essential oils, pure magic.
She also has her own Podcast, Dear Divorce Diary, which has recently been ranked globally as a top 3% show.
Connect with Dawn:
Website: https://mycoachdawn.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dawnwiggins/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda sits down with New Jersey attorneys, Sarah Jacobs and Jamie Berger. Sarah and Jamie’s unique approach to law makes them disruptors in the divorce space. Listen in as they share their top tips for navigating a high conflict divorce. You’ll learn:
- How to separate the conflict from your end goal.
- Find balance in making concessions
- Feel empowered rather than backed up against the wall
- 3 tips to successful negotiating
Helpful apps mentioned in today’s episode;
DComply
Our Family Wizard
About today’s guests:
The Jacobs Berger team takes a forward-thinking approach to family and
matrimonial law by focusing on each client’s unique situation, needs and goals
in order to de-stress the divorce process. This solution-oriented mentality
helps avoid the scorched-earth approach so commonly seen (and encouraged) on TV.
Located in Morristown, NJ, the Jacobs Berger team of attorneys have decades of combined experience helping families before, during and after the divorce process.
Their areas of concentration include mediation, high-net-worth divorce, child custody and support, complex family structures, adoption, alimony and spousal support, family law appeals and navigating domestic violence issues.
Connect with Sarah and Jamie:
Website: https://jacobsberger.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jacobsberger/
LinkedIn (firm): https://www.linkedin.com/company/jacobs-berger-llc/
LinkedIn (Sarah): https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarah-j-jacobs/
LinkedIn (Jamie): https://www.linkedin.com/in/jamie-berger-1168461a/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda sits down with narcissistic abuse expert and divorce coach, Tracy Malone to dive into the importance of protecting yourself and your kids with a good financial parenting plan.
Here are some topics they tackle in this episode [and don’t miss the link and coupons below for Tracy’s Masterclass!]
- How to stop post-divorce abuse in advance
- Learn what to do if your ex won’t do what they promised
- Build in a conflict resolution policy - do not rely on the courts
Fight for what you need. It’s your life, your children, your future. Tracy has a special offer for our listeners! Join her course and save $100! (note: there are limited coupons and the code is only good through 12/31/24)
https://bit.ly/ParentingPlanCourse-RN
Use this code to save: RHONDA-LOVES-100
Variable Expense Apps discussed in this episode:
DComply
Our Family Wizard
About today’s guest:
Tracy A. Malone is a dynamic Author, Speaker, Educator, and internationally
recognized narcissistic abuse and divorce coach.
As a surTHRIVER of abuse, she has become a leading advocate for empowerment and healing. Tracy founded NarcissistAbuseSupport.com, a global resource that supports millions
of survivors worldwide. She also hosts a podcast and runs a successful YouTube channel.
Connect with Tracy:
Website – https://narcissistabusesupport.com
Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/188681268196044/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/tracyamalone/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/tracyamalone/
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/TracyAMalone
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracyamalone/
X (formerlyTwitter) - https://twitter.com/TracyAMalone
Podcasts - Listen Here
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Certified Divorce & Relationship Coach Cindy Stibbard sits down with Rhonda to talk through if divorce is the right option for you. Many women contemplate getting divorce for over 2 years before they make a move. How do you work through the decision? Who should you reach out to for support? Here are some things they cover:
- What is my “why?”
- Self abandonment (learn what this is)
- Is divorce right for me, right now?
This episode is packed with great insight!
About today’s guest:
Cindy Stibbard is a Certified Divorce Coach who will help you unpack if you’re ready to move forward with your divorce.
A previous version of you chose this relationship—but maybe it has stopped serving you and who you’ve become. Now you are wondering if you are facing the reality of making the difficult decision to stay and give it one last shot at repair or prepare to go—and how to even know what comes next. You are not alone.
Connect with Cindy:
Website: https://www.cindystibbard.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cindy.stibbard/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda sits down with Health Advisor, Leah Perry to discuss the options for Health Insurance after you’re divorced. It’s not fun to talk about - but necessary - and one of the biggest post-divorce expenses.
Topics include:
- 3 options to get coverage for you and your kids
- Timing is crucial
- How to best evaluate your needs as you move forward
Schedule a consultation with Leah:
https://calendly.com/leahmperry2096/insurance-quote?month=2024-02
About today’s guest:
For the past decade, Leah Perry has shouldered the responsibilities of being a single mom to two amazing teens. Along the way, she faced the challenges of divorce, battled lymphoma without the safety net of proper health coverage, and navigated the depths of those difficult times without a strong support system.
Now, she’s here, driven by my own experiences, on a mission to make sure no one else faces the financial and emotional strain of illness without the right coverage. Her days are dedicated to helping others navigate the complex world of health insurance.
Leah provides guidance, answers questions, and strives to be as approachable, relatable, and understanding as possible. From the moment a policy is chosen, she walks alongside her clients, offering support and assistance every step of the way.
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda and Attorney Max Emmer talk through some of the latest trends they are seeing in the divorce process.
- There is more than one way to get divorced - be informed.
- Preparation and information goes a long way.
- Learn some of the newest trends and changes.
- Imperative that you build the right team for your situation.
About today’s guest:
Max Emmer has been a lawyer for 11 years, with his own boutique family law firm in
metro-Detroit for 3 years. He focuses extensively on collaborative divorce,
Mediation as a certified Mediator, limited scope services and solutions,
and, working with clients creatively and strategically to move on to their next
chapter. Max believes lawyers are meant to be advisors and counselors, not just
bullying paper pushers. His aim is to help clients obtain the necessary facts,
information, law and options to make the best decisions for themselves (and
their children).
Connect with Max:
Website: https://www.emmerlawplc.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/max-s-emmer-4573b22a/
Instagram; https://www.instagram.com/emmerlaw/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EmmerLaw
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Join Rhonda and CPA Kathy Bue as they walk through some of your tax questions. It’s never too early to be thinking about tax planning, especially if you’re in the midst of divorce.
Tune in to learn:
- What should you be doing now?
- How should you file?
- What you need to gather (we can help you with that!)
- What questions should you be asking?
About today’s guest:
As a money coach, Kathy walks with you, encourages you, and helps you achieve your goals by understanding your finances and assisting you in making wise decisions. Through one-on-one financial coaching, we intentionally build new money skills and habits which will move you from frustrated to successful, helping you gain confidence and clarity in your finances.
Most people were never taught about personal finance. Instead, they learned about money by trial and error, leaving them frustrated and anxious. Seeing this great need, she completed the Ramsey Preferred Coach training. Kathy enjoys helping people remove their stress and anxiety about money.
Connect with Kathy:
Website: https://bueadvisors.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kathybue_coach
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathybuecpa/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Today’s conversation is an important one, but may be triggering for some. Guard your heart and be gentle with yourself as you listen.
Rhonda sits down with Attorney Allison Mahoney to discuss abuse including: coercive control, sexual abuse and cyber sexural abuse. Here are some things they cover:
- Learn the various types of abuse.
- What is cyber image based abuse?
- Set realistic expectations.
- What steps can you take?
- Find an advocate and build your team!
About today’s guest:
Allison Mahoney founded ALM Law in December 2022. They represent survivors of abuse,
helping them to share their stories, find justice, and regain control of their lives.
Their clients are survivors of sexual abuse, cyber sexual abuse, and
domestic violence as well as children harmed while in the custody of child
welfare systems.
Allison has represented survivors for over a decade. She was previously a
Senior Staff Attorney and the Interim Deputy Director at A Better Childhood, a
nonprofit that investigates foster care systems across the country and files
civil rights class action lawsuits on behalf of children. Prior to ABC, Allison
was the Child Sexual Abuse and Exploitation Project Attorney at Lawyers for
Children, where she represented children in foster care in Manhattan.
Allison is licensed in New York, Colorado, Illinois, and the District of Columbia.
She’s on the Board of Directors at Response, a nonprofit that works with
survivors of domestic and sexual abuse in Colorado, and YouthZone, a
Colorado diversion and advocacy program.
Connect with Allison:
Website
https://almlawllc.com/
Social Media
Instagram.com/almlawllc/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/alm-law/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda and Professional Counselor, Sue Bruckner sit down to discuss emotional wellness, particularly for highly sensitive women going through divorce. Here are some highlights:
- Navigate your divorce and come out stronger.
- How to make emotional wellness a priority.
- Learn the 3 pillars of emotional wellness.
- How do you know if you’re highly sensitive?
Be sure to download Sue’s free resource: Love Again Post Divorce.
About today’s guest:
Sue Bruckner is a Holistic Relationship Coach and Licensed Professional Counselor Her business, With Intention is a personal development company specializing in guiding deeply feeling, intuitive, highly sensitive women through their divorce process and into a deeply connected, meaningful post-divorce life. She offers individual therapy and coaching, created a curriculum and group programming, and facilitates community gatherings and workshops. Her presence is calm, connected, and deeply nurturing. Sue draws upon both her personal and professional experiences as well as her deep intuition, sensitive nature, and gift of making gems out of life’s trials.
Connect with Sue:
With Intention
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Spoiler: YES. If you’ve got kids over 18 - listen up! Rhonda sits down with Estate Planning Attorney, Ashley Lillesand and her 18 year old daughter, Jenna to discuss the importance of having a Medical and Financial Power of Attorney. This is especially important if you are divorcing.
- What is a Power of Attorney?
- Why is it important to have it in place sooner than later?
- Choose the most qualified person to speak on your behalf.
- Let’s normalize this!
About today’s guest:
Attorney Ashley Lillesand has fine-tuned her practice over the years to focus on estate planning for both young families and clients reaching retirement age who need guidance with asset protection strategies. Additionally, Ashley represents clients with Probate and Trust administration and Medicaid applications. Ashley also hasn’t forgotten what brought her to law school in the first place by continuing to represent family members in guardianship matters which require knowledge of guardianship laws and the practical ins and outs of serving as a guardian. Ashley serves as a guardian ad litem in guardianship and probate matters in Milwaukee county as well.
Connect with Ashley:
Website: https://www.lillesandlawllc.com/contact/
Be sure to check out Ashley’s earlier podcast episode, #083!
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda’s guest today is Cathy Himlin, Family and Marriage Therapist and court officer in Dependency Court. Rhonda and Cathy take an honest look at parenting through divorce and how the court system doesn’t always support what’s best for the child. Here is what they cover:
- Divorce shifts a parent’s role.
- The developmental stages of a child must be considered.
- Imbalance in the parenting roles can be financially motivated.
- Parental Alienation - what it is, and what it isn’t.
- Separate court from time with your child.
About today’s guest:
Cathy Himlin is a member of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts and an
affiliate member of the San Diego Family Law Bar Association. At the request
of the latter, she has developed trainings for attorneys to help them support
their clients (both minors and their parents) in Family Law and Dependency
Courts. Cathy is the President and CEO of Family Connections Therapy and the
Founder of Himlin Consulting, as well as being a court-involved family
therapist with over 25 years of experience.
Connect with Cathy:
Website: https://www.himlinconsulting.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cathyhimlin
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cathy.himlin.9/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cathy-himlin-lmft-lpcc-9aaa0079/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda sits down with esteemed Business Coach and CEO, Judy Weber for a candid conversation around being divorced, finding your voice, and building your future. Rhonda and Judy are passionate about advocating for women and you’ll hear how they both use their time and talents to further this mission.
About today’s guest:
Judy Weber works exclusively with high-achieving Christian women, teaching them timeless business strategies - from a decidedly Biblical perspective - so they can step into their CEO role with confidence, calm & certainty.
She helps clients scale business in a way that honors Christ and fulfills their God-given purpose
Connect with Judy:
Website
YouTube
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Rhonda’s guest today is Trainer and Consultant, Doug LaBelle who specializes in Gambling Disorder. If you’ve discovered your spouse has a gambling problem, you know how that influences the entire household. If it’s a part of the divorce process, it gets even more complicated. Listen in as Rhonda and Doug unpack what it’s like to live with someone who gambles.
Here is what they cover:
- Types of gambling and ways it affects the entire family
- What to do if you suspect your spouse is gambling and how you can prove it
- Getting the emotional support you need to heal from the trauma
About today’s guest:
Doug LaBelle is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, National Certified Gambling Counselor II, Certified Employee Assistance Professional
Specialties: Mood disorders, Grief and Loss, Addictions (alcohol and other drugs, gambling).
Connect with him on LinkedIn
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Rhonda is joined by Coach and Author Rebecca Davis to discuss telling your story post-trauma, particularly if you have experienced spiritual abuse. Your life lessons matter and can help others!
Here is what they cover:
- How do you know when you’re ready to share your story?
- Organize your thoughts in a way that helps others.
- Be in a place of healing before you write your book.
- Sharing your story will leave a legacy.
About today’s guest:
Rebecca Davis is a trauma-informed coach and author, devoted to those who have experienced spiritual abuse through twisted Scriptures. Rebecca is the author of the Untwisting Scriptures series of books, designed to help those who have experienced spiritual abuse get to know the true heart of God. With over 40 years of study of the Scriptures, Rebecca writes to help Christians have a deeper understanding of God and His love for them, to help those who have been abused find hope in the Lord Jesus Christ, and to help Christians better understand how they can help those in need.
Connect with Rebecca:
Websites:
rebeccadaviswordworking.com (business)
heresthejoy.com (ministry)
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100069293702357
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/untwistingscriptures/
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08WF13X3F
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Rhonda sits down with Social Worker, Veteran and Military wife, Vanessa Lech to discuss life in the military. Vanessa shares how important it is to advocate for yourself - particularly if you are a spouse in the military.
- Maintaining your career and occupational credentials
- Learn the laws that apply to your situation and location.
- Locate safe access to legal support.
- Prioritize your health.
- It is not selfish to focus on your own goals or career.
About today’s guest:
Vanessa Lech is a Military Veteran and Military Wife, born into a family with a proud history of serving in the U.S. Military. "Veterans Affairs Whistleblower Retaliation" Paperback and Hardcover books can be purchased at Lulu Book Store.
Vanessa is licensed as a Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in N.C., has a Masters Degree in Social Work (MSW), a Masters of Science in Health Sciences with a Concentration in Public Health, and a Bachelors of Science in Health Care Management.
Vanessa is passionate about sharing valuable information that can benefit individuals and society.
Connect with Vanessa:
https://womanmilitaryveteran.com/pages/justice
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Rhonda is joined today by renowned podcast host, Kate Anthony! They have an honest conversation about making the big decision about your marriage - should you stay or go?
- You have a choice
- Ask yourself the right questions
- Get informed
- Tips on how to be prepared once you do decide
- Know your worth
Get Kate’s Book!
https://kateanthony.com/dword/
About our Guest:
Kate Anthony is the author of The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage, host of the critically acclaimed and New York Times recommended podcast The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast and the creator of the groundbreaking online coaching program, Should I Stay or Should I Go? which helps women make the most difficult decision of their lives using coaching tools, relationship education, geeky neuroscience, community support, and deep self-work. Kate is certified as a Domestic Violence Advocate, a Co-Parenting Specialist, and a High Conflict Divorce Coach.
Connect with Kate:
- Facebook page
- Facebook group
- TikTok
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Attorney Evan Schein sits down with Rhonda to talk about what happens when you’re facing litigation.
- Is litigation as bad as it seems?
- Ways you can make the process move more smoothly.
- Finding the right team.
- Ask the right questions.
- Do not short circuit the divorce process.
About today’s guest:
Evan Schein is a partner with the firm and leads the firm’s litigation practice. Mr. Schein joined Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein LLP in 2010 after practicing at another well-known matrimonial law firm.
Mr. Schein is an experienced litigator with an ability to find creative solutions to complex issues. This allows Mr. Schein to deliver optimum results for his clients at trial or during settlement negotiations. Mr. Schein prides himself on working closely with his clients to develop litigation and negotiation strategies that fit a client’s goals. Whether negotiating a prenuptial agreement for a client or litigating a divorce, Mr. Schein zealously advocates for his clients’ interests.
Connect with Evan on his website: www.berkbot.com
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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Enjoy this recording from our recent live stream with Attorney and Divorce Coach, Kara Francis. Kara and Rhonda have an honest conversation about feeling stuck and what you can do to break free.
- You can decide how your divorce will go - you have more power than you think.
- Learn the types of blocks that are holding you back.
- What to do when fear and lies paralyze you.
- Practical steps to help you move the needle forward.
About today’s guest:
Kara Francis is an LIcensed Attorney, Professional Coach and Mediator.
As a Marriage & Divorce Coach, Kara’s mission is to help you find and follow your truest, most aligned path in your marriage and in life.
You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy or unfulfilling marriage, even for the kids. Your divorce doesn’t have to be a knock-down, drag-out fight. Your post-divorce chapter doesn’t have to be overwhelming and intimidating
Connect with Kara:
Website: https://www.karafranciscoaching.com/
Instagram and TikTok - @karafranciscoaching
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda sits down with Real Estate Expert, Jeremy Doering for a candid conversation about all of the changes in the industry right now. They discuss how this will affect you - especially in divorce - and what you can do to successfully navigate the buying / selling process. They cover;
- National Association Realtors Lawsuit
- Finding the right experts
- A roadmap for both parties
- Inflation, Economics and timing
- How do you prepare for any out of pocket costs?
About today’s guest:
Jeremy Doering started buying properties as a investment in 2001 and started working in the
mortgage industry in 2001. In 2004 he moved to Las Vegas to open a mortgage branch. In 2006, he passed his real estate license, and in 2008, became part-owner of a real estate company in Las Vegas.
In 2009, Jeremy moved to SanDiego and started a partnership with a real estate group. In 2011/2012, he moved back to Wisconsin and opened his own firm called Doering&Co.
During his career, Jeremy has represented many walks of life, international buyers, athletes, famous prize fighters and many more. He has been able to re-create his brand and adapt to different cultures across three different states. Currently, he has built a full-service real estate that specializes in buying, selling and investing in real estate, property management, and property remodeling and general contracting.
Connect with Jeremy:
Website: https://www.doeringandco.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DoeringandCo
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/doeringandco
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/doering-co-real-estate-llc/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda is joined by Certified Life and Conscious Parent Coach, Mikki Gardner for a conversation about disrupting the traditional co-parenting path. As you move through divorce, YOU get to decide what your family looks like.
Mikki and Rhonda delve into 3 tools you can use right now to create a successful home environment for you and your kids. Grab a notebook and pen - you’ll want to take notes!
About today’s guest:
Mikki Gardner is a Certified Life + Conscious Parenting Coach, the host of Co-Parenting With Confidence Podcast, and a mom to her son.
After learning how to navigate life post divorce & using it as a catalyst to her own transformation, Mikki now helps moms move past the divorce drama to become calm, confident co-parents, even without their ex's participation. Mikki is on a mission to help women navigate the emotional and practical difficulties of divorce and co-parenting while creating an intentional, joy + ease-filled life after divorce.
Connect with Mikki:
Mikki’s Website
Mikki’s podcast: Co-Parenting with Confidence
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
[Warning: This episode may be triggering for some, be gentle with yourself and take breaks while listening, or pass on listening until you’re ready. It is not meant for children’s ears.)
Rhonda sits down with Marriage and Family Therapist, Dr. Sheri Keffer of the Brave One Community to discuss sexual deception and betrayal and how that intersects and affects your finances.
Here are some highlights of what they cover:
- What is sexual acting out?
- What should you be doing if you feel your spouse is acting out?
- Money and sexual betrayal go hand in hand
- Educate yourself - know all you can know
- There is hope
About today’s guest:
Dr. Sheri is a regular co-host of the nationally syndicated radio talk show New Life Live! with an audience of more than two million people each week. For over twenty-three years, she’s worked as a Doctor of Marriage and Family therapy in Newport Beach, California.
Through her own personal story of recovery Dr. Sheri understands the trauma symptoms often associated with sexual betrayal and posttraumatic stress. As a Certified Partner Trauma
Therapist Supervisor (CPTT-S), Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), Certified Clinical. Partner Specialist (CCPS), Certified Couples Betrayal Recovery Therapist (CCBRT-candidate) Certified Clinical Empathy Specialist (CCES-candidate), and a Consultant in EMDR, she brings new tools and a fresh look at what’s needed not only to heal but heal well. Dr. Sheri’s a
keynote speaker and recipient of 2019 IITAP Outstanding Publication Award for her book Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal.
Dr.Sheri is the Founder of BraveOne.com, the International BraveOne Community braveone.com/community, and Bravery After Betrayal: It Takes Fierce Strength retreat where she unpacks how betrayal affects the mind, body, spirit, and sexuality. Dr. Sheri also holds a degree in theology from Fuller Theological Seminary.
Connect with Dr. Sheri and the Brave One Community:
https://www.braveone.com/support
Dr. Sheri is offering one free month in her Brave One Community as a gift to our listeners! Be sure to mention you heard her on our podcast.
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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Rhonda and Jeanne Kelly have an honest conversation around credit - the good and the bad. Being educated and informed of resources is imperative - especially if you’re divorcing. They cover:
- We learn by mistakes - how to get financial confidence around your credit
- Knowledge is power
- Credit cards points - they could be worth more than you think; don’t discount them in the divorce
- Good credit can save you
- How to split your credit debt
- Pulling your credit report is key at the time of your divorce
Jeanne is offering our listeners a FREE Credit Snapshot: Click Here
Connect with Jeanne:
Website
About today’s guest: Jeanne Kelly
Jeanne Kelly Credit Coach is the founder of The Kelly Group. A highly sought-after credit coach, healthy credit expert, motivational speaker, and author of The Credit Training & The Credit Makeover.
What started as a single decision to pursue a better life for herself and her daughter, has since turned into an empire raising awareness about #healthycredit. Through her passionate programs and accessible online resources, Jeanne has helped thousands reclaim financial freedom with valuable education on credit reporting, identity theft, and achieving a higher credit score.
Her work has appeared in top media outlets including The Today Show, CNN, The Breakfast Club, iHeart Radio, MyFico.com, Huffington Post, The New York Times, Experian, Thrive Global, Credit.com, and more.
If you’re looking to transform your credit story and empower your finances, then you’re in the right place! Jeanne is a trusted, well-respected mentor in the industry who can take your personal dreams and plot the roadmap to get you there...with zero intimidation. She’s certain if she could do it, so can you!
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Listen in on our live stream episode with Certified Divorce Lender, Josh Bucio with Waterstone Mortgage. Josh and Rhonda discuss all the things to consider when considering keeping or selling your home in divorce. You might be surprised to learn you CAN keep it, if you want to. Topics they cover:
- Supply and demand and how that affects the market
- Stay at home moms DO have options
- Interest rates and loan assumptions
- Find the RIGHT team
- Be realistic and get creative!
About today’s guest: Joshua Bucio, CDLP is a Certified Divorce Lender and Mortgage Broker with Waterstone Mortgage. Josh helps people who are either thinking about divorce or started the divorce process. Whether the plan is to stay in the house or buy the next house, Josh can help you know how to qualify ahead of time. Many people don't realize you can create a plan around this and don't have to wait until a divorce is finalized.
Josh has been helping people with mortgage loans for 18 years and will go through specific numbers to help you understand your options, all while having a team to provide an elite level of communication and service.
Connect with Josh:
Waterstone Mortgage Website
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda sits down with Attorney Michael Johnson to discuss physician compensation packages and how to unravel all of the potential avenues for income. This episode focuses on wives of physicians, but can be applied to other situations. They discuss:
- Types of employment for physicians and how that affects their compensation.
- Ways to break down compensation - learn how to follow the money.
- Know your value as the spouse of a physician.
- Know that you have options!
About today’s guest:
Michael Eugene Johnson is managing attorney with Michael Johnson Legal, LLC. His practice is focused on providing small businesses with high quality general counsel, litigation, and dispute resolution services. Micahel strives to deliver pragmatic legal solutions to help you run your business more efficiently. He has seen first hand how being the spouse of a physician brings its own challenges and complications, especially in divorce.
Connect with Michael:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/physiciancontracts/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-johnson-legal/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda sits down with Attorney Julie LaBenz, to discuss ways to be prepared if you find that you need to represent yourself in your divorce trial. Trials are complicated, even more so if you are representing yourself. Julie gives us some guidance:
- Preparation is key
- Know the procedure
- Categorize and be crystal clear about your end goal
- Discovery is important
- Be gentle with yourself
About today’s guest:
Julie LaBenz is an Attorney and founder of “Win Without Law School.”
Julie has been a trial lawyer in Arizona since 2006 and has a passion for teaching
people how to effectively represent themselves in family court.
Connect with Julie at www.winwithoutlawschool.com/home
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda is joined by Trauma Informed Parenting Consultant, AJ Gajjar. Co-parenting is always the goal, but what if that’s a challenge? AJ shares 3 key things if you are dealing with trying to co-parent with a high-conflict / maladaptive parent.
- Safety for your kids and how to help them cope
- Prioritize the relationship - you have the power!
- Have a child-centric lens and be aware of all the transitions they are experiencing.
AJ is offering a free consultation to our listeners:
Schedule a free consultation with AJ
About today’s guest:
AJ Gajjar with The Trauma Healing Parent
AJ is a mom, a trauma-informed child development specialist, parenting
consultant and children’s advocate, that specializes in supporting concerned
parents through high-conflict divorce and separation in a way that protects the
children both from their current experience of harm and from future trauma.
She has a degree in Developmental Psychology and over 15 years’ experience
working in the early child development sector, including speaking at National
Conferences on the positive outcomes of early childhood interventions.
She supports parents in creating environments in which these children can thrive,
and grow up to be psychologically and emotionally healthy – despite having a
maladaptive parent.
AJ began this work after her own experience through a high-conflict divorce that
was causing my daughter harm. She was not able to secure support from the
legal system to protect her, and had to find her own way to support her though
her experience.
It is now AJ”s mission to share what I have learned with other protective
parents so we can provide our children with the opportunity to heal and thrive
despite the harm they experience from the high-conflict / maladaptive parent.
Connect with AJ:
Website: www.thetraumahealingparent.com
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Rhonda sits down with Life and Divorce Coach, Meagan Norris. They discuss:
- Mindset around money - what and how you think about money matters!
- The lies we tell ourselves and how to combat them with truth.
- Divorce is an opportunity to live a life bigger than you imagined.
- 4 buckets to look at when making decisions.
- Do not give in to fatigue - be your own CEO.
This episode is packed with practical things you can start today and will empower you to move forward!
About today’s guest:
Meagan Norris is a Certified Life and Divorce Coach offering one on one support and group coaching to help you breakthrough and transformation you’re looking for.
When Meagan’s marriage ended after 13 years, she became the CEO of her divorce and created a life so good it didn’t make sense. She can help you do the same.
Connect with Meagan:
Website
Follow her on Instagram
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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Rhonda sits down with Patty Jackson, Founder of Clear Inner Focus Mindset Coaching to talk about disrupting the conversation we have with our spouse and more importantly, with ourselves. Here is what you can look forward to as you listen:
- How can you disassemble the landmines around you
- 4 things you CAN control
- Why you need to forgive yourself and how that helps you change your perspective
About today’s guest:
Patty Jackson, Founder, Clear Inner Focus Mindset Coaching, has seen people divorce and move on in peace. She has seen others divorce and continue to struggle with their ex-spouse, and still others who remarry the same spouse and divorce again.
Patty helps her clients gain peace of mind today and build respectful relationships.
Her conversation is supported by Constructive Conversations, a short book with 10 Guidelines to Resolve Conflict & Drive Results At Work & Home.
Connect with Patty:
Website: www.clearinnerfocus.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/livinglifeunstuck
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clearinnerfocus/
LinkedIn Group
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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With the holidays fast approaching, you may feel more tempted to turn to alcohol as a stress reliever as you navigate through your divorce. Our guest today, Alcohol-Free Life Coach, Beth Purcell is here to share that there is a different way! Beth and Rhonda discuss:
- Beliefs around alcohol and how to change your mindset
- Challenge yourself to do a reset for clarity
- Keep your own side of the street clean
- There is no shame in asking for help!
About today’s guest:
Beth is a certified This Naked Mind (Alcohol-Free) and Integrative Nutrition
Health Coach, as well as a twice-divorced co parenting mom, yogi, and
lifelong learner. Beth’s decades’-long, near daily use of alcohol felt completely
out of alignment with her livelihood in the wellness sector and with her
personal values. She felt like a fraud, but was fearful that giving up drinking
would prove too difficult, or would doom her to a life of less fun & constant
feelings of deprivation. Instead, she found that letting go of alcohol was not
only possible, but more transformational and joy-filled than she anticipated.
Connect with Beth:
Website: https://www.bethpurcell.com/
Social Media: @bethpurcellcoaching
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Are you going through divorce and you or your spouse own a business? Listen in!
Rhonda talks with Business Valuation Expert, Henry Kaskov about valuing your business. What should you consider as you approach this process?
They discuss:
- Who needs a Business Valuation?
- Discovery Process (learn what DAM is!)
- Hire a licensed, certified neutral appraiser in the divorce space
- Ask the right questions
- How does “good will” affect the outcome?
- Expert testimony in court
About today’s guest:
Henry Kaskov of Kaskov Valuations has over 15 years of extensive experience in performing
business valuations for succession and transition planning, mergers & acquisitions, and marital dissolution.
His valuations have also been used for estate and gift tax planning and reporting, ESOPs, corporate dissolution and disputes, commercial economic damages and general financial consulting for clients across the U.S. and around the world.
Henry’s Website: Kaskov Valuations
LinkedIn: Henry Kaskov
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
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Our special guest today is CEO and Co-Founder of HerMoney, Jean Chatzky! Rhonda and Jean walk through how to step out in confidence when it comes to your money.
- Learn your money - it can be managed!
- Value based spending - what is important to you?
- Girl Math!
- Why wisdom over too much information is will get you where you want to be
About today’s guest:
Jean Chatzky is the founder and CEO of HerMoney.com and the coaching programs FinanceFixx and InvestingFixx.
She is the host of the podcast HerMoney With Jean Chatzky and the co-host of the national radio show Everyday Wealth. The Financial Ambassador for AARP, she was the Financial Editor for NBC Today for 25 years. Jean is an award-winning journalist and broadcaster, a New York Times and Wall Street Journal best-selling author, and a fierce advocate for financial literacy. Her latest books are Women with Money: The Judgment-Free Guide to Creating the Joyful, Less Stressed, Purposeful (and Yes, Rich) Life You Deserve and How To Money, a guidebook for Gen Z women.
Connect with Jean:
Website
www.Hermoney.com
Social Media:
https://www.facebook.com/JeanChatzky
https://www.instagram.com/jeanchatzky/
https://twitter.com/JeanChatzky
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeanchatzky/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, Founder & CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
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We have some exciting news and a special announcement! Join Rhonda as she outlines her thought process about the new name for the podcast, and why we’re making this small but powerful shift.
Rhonda covers:
- The origin story of the podcast
- Client stories
- How she can help you if you’re contemplating or moving through the divorce process
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, Founder & CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
🌟 Master Your Next Move in Divorce: Watch our FREE Masterclass and learn how to empower your divorce journey with confidence, clarity, and control.
🎥 FREE MASTERCLASS: Get Instant Access
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Licensed Home Appraiser, Rachel Pader sits down with Rhonda to talk about the importance of home appraisal. Knowing your home is key! A few things they discuss:
- Why it’s important to have a good appraiser
- Tips on what you should look for
- Top 3 items to consider when having your home appraised
About today’s guest:
Rachel had been a home appraiser for 5 years and has made it her goal to shorten
the gap between realtors and appraisers. She helps educate as many people as
possible on the value of their homes and helps facilitate the growth of women
through conversations, connections, community and education.
Connect with Rachel:
TAC Appraisals
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Sign up for my Masterclass: Women and Divorce
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
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Rhonda sits down with former high school teacher turned high conflict divorce coach and advocate, Lisa Johnson. Lisa and Rhonda discuss coercive control, how laws are changing across the country, and ways you can navigate through the long and arduous process. Topics include:
- Find community: gather your team, both personal and professional
- Timeline - it’s a marathon: ways to stay in it for the long haul
- Enjoy your life (Yes, really!)
About today’s guest:
Lisa Johnson is the co-founder of Been There Got Out, a high conflict divorce
coach and certified domestic violence advocate who has successfully
represented herself through scores of court appearances. Her case, published
in the Connecticut Law Journal, is being used as legal precedent. Her live
testimony helped pass Jennifers’ Law in Connecticut, the third state in
America to expand its legal definition of domestic violence to include “coercive
control.”
She and her partner, Chris, the male half of Been There Got Out,
coach people in high-conflict relationships, divorce, custody battles, and
co-parenting hell so they have the chance of the best outcome in family court
and beyond.
They also offer a weekly Legal Abuse Support Group for those
dealing with narcissistic opponents in legal matters. Their book, "Been There
Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane
Under Insane Circumstances'' was released in March 2023.
Connect with Lisa:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/been_there_got_out/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@BeenThereGotOut
Podcast: https://beentheregotout.buzzsprout.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BeenThereGotOut
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@been_there_got_out
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/been-there-got-out/
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/Been_There_Got_Out/
Twitter (X) : https://twitter.com/beentheregotout
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Sign up for my Masterclass: Women and Divorce
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
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Rhonda sits down with Tracy Malone, Founder of Narcissist Abuse Support. They discuss specific ways you can know if you’re being gaslit and how to handle narcissistic behavior.
- What is gaslighting?
- Specific questions to ask your attorney
- Strategies for dealing with narcissistic behavior
- Ways to build your team who will empower you
About today’s guest:
My name is Tracy Malone and I am a surTHRIVER of narcissistic abuse. I created this website in 2015 when I learned that I had been a victim of narcissistic abuse my entire life. I thought my family was just crazy!
I had a narcissistic mother, siblings, aunt, husband, in-laws, friends, and a boyfriend. My healing journey has been intense and life-changing, to say the least, and now I help others by coaching men and women from all walks of life to understand what happened to them.
Check out her journal: My Story of Narcissistic Abuse Journal
https://narcissistabusesupport.com/my-story-of-narcissistic-abuse-journal/
Connect with Tracy:
Website: https://narcissistabusesupport.com
Social Media
Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/188681268196044/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/tracyamalone/
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/tracyamalone/
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/TracyAMalone
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Interested in our Bridge Program? Apply HERE!
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Barbara Majeski, Founder of The MORE Life Collective, TV Personality, and Lifestyle Expert joins Rhonda for a fun and important conversation! They cover a lot today - you’ll want to take notes!
Topics discussed:
- Women’s tolerance level is high - but there is a limit
- Focus on YOUR own journey
- You can’t shortcut the process
- It’s never too late to reinvent yourself
About today’s guest:
Barbara is a TV personality that loves sharing her tips and tricks. She has
frequently appeared on The TODAY Show, Good Day NY, New York Live, and
the Nick Cannon Show. Barbara is also a mother of three and resides in
Princeton, New Jersey.
In 2015 Barbara entered a divorce and was handed a diagnosis with Stage III
cancer. During treatment, she vowed that if she beat cancer and got another
shot at life, she would live bigger, better, and bolder with true purpose,
meaning, and intent.
The three words that best describe Barbara are Purpose, Style, and
Adventure.
Connect with Barbara:
Website
www.themorelifecollective.com
Social Media
TikTok
……….
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Interested in our Bridge Program? Apply HERE!
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
You will love today’s guest! Lori Barkus of Sustainable Family Solutions sits down with Rhonda to talk about some of the misunderstandings around Mediation. While it can be a great option, you need to be sure you know exactly what the process entails - and what it does not.
- Know what mediation is - and what it isn’t
- What are some key things you should know and do before choosing mediation?
- Preparation is KEY!
About today’s guest:
Lori Barkus is a cum laude graduate of the University of Miami School of Law. She is admitted to practice in Florida, Colorado, Georgia and the District of Columbia. She also is admitted to practice in the Southern and Middle Districts of Florida and the Eleventh Judicial Circuit Court of Appeals.
Ms. Barkus handled primarily family law and commercial litigation matters and has handled hundreds of contested and uncontested divorce matters. Through this experience, and through extensive training as a mediator, a collaborative divorce professional and a guardian ad litem, she has learned that a lawyers’ most important task in a divorce matter is to encourage clients to seek the most cost-effective solutions to minimize the trauma experienced not only by the divorcing parties but also by their children.
Connect and learn more:
Website
Check out Lori’s YouTube Channel
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Interested in our Bridge Program? Apply HERE!
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda is joined by Attorney Lauren Hunt for a conversation about co-parenting and negotiating the big (and little) things in divorce and beyond.
This episode covers:
- Communication is key when co-parenting
- Is splitting custody 50/50 always the right thing?
- Treat co-parenting like a business
- Negotiations and boundaries
- Navigating the family court system
About today’s guest:
Lauren is a divorce attorney who has been in practice for over a decade. Her focus is on
giving parents legal information so they can make informed decisions about
their next steps.
Connect with Lauren:
Website (get your custody case organizer under the resource tab)
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Interested in our Bridge Program? Apply HERE!
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Attorney and Mediator, Lesa Koski joins Rhonda for an in-depth conversation around Mediation. Mediation is a great option and can provide a safe place for both parties to be heard and understood. Lisa and Rhonda cover:
- What mediation is and what it is not
- Mediation CAN work, even in difficult circumstances
- How to find the right Mediator for you
- Assembling the right team is crucial to the outcome
About today’s guest:
Lesa Koski
I am an attorney based in Woodbury, MN with over 20 years of experience and have a strong desire to help people through difficult situations. That's why becoming a divorce mediator was the best fit for both myself and my clients. I am here to help you and I know all about what you’re going through.
In case we’ve never met before, let me tell you a little bit about me...
I help you throughout the process of a divorce through mediation. Together we will create your divorce paperwork or mediated agreement. I love sharing my knowledge and coaching people through the process.
Connect with Lesa:
Website
Social Media Links
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Interested in our Bridge Program? Apply HERE!
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda sits down with author and podcast host, Natalie Hoffman for an fascinating conversation about being a woman of faith facing divorce. They tackle some tough questions, but you’ll leave feeling empowered and encouraged. If you find yourself feeling confused about your marriage and contemplating divorce - pull up a chair and listen in!
What are some common beliefs women of faith have that hold them back from making a divorce decision?
How can they work to reframe those beliefs in a way that enables them to maintain their faith while also empowering them to make that difficult choice to end their marriage?
Many women of faith believe they are giving up on the power of God if they decide to call it quits and get a divorce. How is this actually not the case at all?
What can women of faith do about the feelings of guilt they might experience over ending their marriage?
How can women of faith respond to their faith communities when they are rejected due to divorce?
What are some of the ways you've seen women transform and thrive after divorce?
About today’s guest:
Natalie Hoffman is an Author, Podcast Host, and Director of The Flying Free Education and Support Community. Learn more about Natlie’s story HERE!
Connect with Natalie:
Author of Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage
Director of the Flying Free Education and Support Community
Advocate for women of faith in abusive relationships through the Flying Free podcast
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Want to know your next best move? TAKE OUR QUIZ
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Divorce is never easy, but what if you could take steps to help your kids navigate the process?
Rhonda's guest today is Sarah Armstrong, author of The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce. They discuss ways to make things easier, especially if you’ve got kids.
- Pay attention to small changes that the children will be affected by - kids are observant!
- Take the high road - easier said than done, but worth it.
- Set a goal to never pack a bag.
- Set the intention to delay your emotions
Sarah gives us some amazing real-life examples you won’t want to miss!
Buy Sarah’s book HERE.
About Sarah:
Sarah Armstrong, good divorce proponent and author of The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce, is vice-president, global marketing operations, at Google and proud mom of Grace, who graduated from high school in 2021 and is in her sophomore year of college. Sarah is a mentor to other women in business and longtime volunteer at various nonprofit organizations, including the Jack & Jill Late Stage Cancer Foundation, Georgetown Alumni Admissions Program and local soup kitchens.
Prior to joining Google, Sarah was a partner at McKinsey & Co. and worked at The Coca-Cola Company in global marketing for twenty years, where she led Worldwide Agency Operations across 200 countries. Sarah started her career at Leo Burnett (Chicago) in Media. Sarah’s work has been recognized around the world, resulting in her being named one of Ad Age’s “Women to Watch” and included in Ad Age’s Book of Tens (“Top Ten Who Made Their Mark in 2009”).
Sarah was raised in Birmingham, Michigan with two younger brothers and happily married parents (for over fifty years and still going strong). She attended Georgetown University, as a scholarship athlete, earning a Bachelor of Science degree from the School of Business Administration with a major in marketing. She was a four-year starter on the Georgetown University Volleyball Team.
Sarah loves traveling the world and has been fortunate to travel to 55+ countries. She enjoys exploring new cities with Grace whenever possible. Sarah lives in San Francisco.
Website: https://www.momsguidetogooddivorce.com
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Interested in our Bridge Program? Apply HERE!
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Rhonda’s guest today is Life Mastery Coach, Donna Tashjian. They discuss ways to move past the pain of divorce to a place of peace and empowerment. We know you will be inspired and encouraged! They cover:
- Choose joy - joy is not happiness
- You can find healing through trauma - forgiveness is not an emotion
- Look for the gifts - gratitude can change everything
About today’s guest:
Donna Tashjian is the founder of Vibrant Living International, a non-profit organization. She is a Life Mastery Coach, an ordained minister, a podcaster, and an author. She helps bring accelerated transformation to people across the world. She empowers you to master life, spirit, soul, and body. Donna has been speaking and coaching for over 25 years.
She has developed powerful programs and workshops to help you through life's transitions and pain to achieve your goals or dreams. She also produces a podcast called “You Were Designed for Greatness” and has written 3 books.
Her clients say she has a knack for turning fear into excitement and exposing lies so the truth can shine through.
Website: https://www.ivibrantliving.com/ Free book available on home page
EMPOWERING HABITS LINK: https://www.ivibrantliving.com/empowering-habits-2/
Connect with Donna:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/donnatashjian/
Vibrant Living page
https://www.facebook.com/VibrantLivingInt
https://www.instagram.com/drtashjian/
Youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXMFNossw9VN2QwDtVitzKg
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Interested in our Bridge Program? Apply HERE!
We love putting out great content for you! Do us a favor?
- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode!
- Download and share with a friend who might need to hear these conversations.
- Leave a positive podcast review - ratings and reviews help others find the show!
Don’t miss this episode if you’re contemplating keeping your house in your divorce. Join Rhonda and Jeff Landers for this in depth conversation on keeping the house - is it a good idea? What factors should you consider? Learn what the 6-36 rule is and how it plays a pivotal part in planning for your future.
- Gather all of the information.
- Evaluate your particular situation (things are not black and white!).
- Get to a place where you can move forward.
Do not fall for a false sense of financial security!
Jeff’s new book: Divorce House Sense
........
About today’s guest:
Jeff Landers is a seasoned real estate/mortgage and divorce expert with over 40 years of combined experience.
Jeff earned his BA degree in psychology from Columbia University and studied law at Pace University School of Law before becoming a divorce financial advisor. He is also a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA™), Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP™) and licensed real estate and mortgage broker.
In 2010, Jeff founded Bedrock Divorce Advisors, LLC, working exclusively with women going through a financially complicated divorce. Dealing with the marital home is almost always a major issue in any divorce. Jeff’s strong background and know-how has guided many hundreds of women all over the U.S. through the complex process of selling their marital home or buying out their spouse and refinancing the mortgage, so they can keep and remain in their homes.
To focus exclusively on the marital home, Jeff also founded Next Act Properties, Inc., which provides real estate and mortgage solutions for divorcing and divorced people (NextActProperties.com).
Jeff has written 7 published books with 15,000+ copies sold nationwide focusing on the marital home and the financial aspects of divorce, as well as contributing articles regularly to Forbes.com, The Huffington Post, DailyWorth, More.com, Lawyers.com, and many other online publications.
Be sure to pick up his latest book: Divorce House Sense
........
Connect with Jeff:
Website: https://nextactproperties.com/
LinkedIn: http://linkedin.com/in/jefflanders
Twitter: https://twitter.com/NextActProperty
........
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Rhonda and Clinical Therapist, Jennifer Parker discuss a topic we’ve been addressing a lot recently: Coercive Control. Today’s episode covers:
- Ways to recognize you are being controlled
- How to get the help and support you need
- Why isolation is your worst enemy
Grab a copy of Jennifer’s book: Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers you Seek
About today’s guest:
Jennifer Parker obtained her Masters degree in Social Work at Wisconsin-Madison.She has over 35 years of mental health therapy experience and specials in intimate partner abuse survivors. Jennifer’s work with victims builds resiliency by helping understand who is responsible and address issues that interfere with creating the lives they want.
Jennifer’s book, Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek, includes knowledge from her training and research, as well as insights she gained from survivors on their healing journeys. Her accomplishments include a curriculum for IPV group work, workshops, professional newsletter articles, expert witness testimony, a blog, participation in a community DV and Sexual Assault task force, and awards from state and local agencies. Jennifer’s blog focuses on topics of interest to survivors, professionals, or family and friends concerned about someone.
Her mission is to enhance therapist and other professionals' knowledge about intimate partner abuse by imparting effective practices through her workshops, webinars, and publications.
Connect with Jennifer:
Jennifer Parker Therapy, Training, & Consultation LLC
Book links: https://linktr.ee/jennifercparkermssw
Website: http://jennifercparkermssw.com
Blog signup: https://madisonmentalhealthcounselor.com/blog
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JenniferCParkerMSSW
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferc.parker/
LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/company/jennifer-parker-therapy-training-consultation/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
Budgeting. No one wants to talk about it, but it's essential - especially if you're contemplating divorce.
Rhonda sits down with Chuck Howard, Assistant Professor at Texas A&M University to discuss the importance of creating a budget and then establishing a routine to continuously track and re-evaluate it.
Listen in as Chuck gives us 5 easy steps to move to successful budgeting:
- Set your budget - look at what’s coming in and going out of your bank account.
- Set aside time to track your spending against the budget.
- Think about atypical expenses that creep up and make a plan for those.
- Take in an outside view - ask for help from someone who can give you an objective, broader perspective.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself!
Do you have questions about setting up a budget? Reach out and let us know! We have resources that can help.
Contact us HERE.
About today’s guest:
Ray Charles “Chuck” Howard is an Assistant Professor of Marketing at Texas A&M University. In his research, Chuck asks questions like why do consumers overpredict their future income and underpredict their future expenses? He then designs simple solutions for these problems that help people improve their financial well-being. Chuck’s research has earned awards from the Society for Consumer Psychology, the Society for Judgment and Decision Making, and the Behavioral Insights Group at Harvard University. Chuck earned his PhD in Marketing from the University of British Columbia, and his BA in Economics and Finance from Ryerson University.
Connect with Chuck on LinkedIn:
linkedin.com/in/chuck-howard-98310444
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Check out our new BRIDGE Group Coaching Program!
Rhonda sits down with Dr. Melissa Kalt to discuss practical things to implement when dealing with a narcissist:
- Examine your motives
- Be aware of the narcissist’s behavior patterns
- Give narcissistic supply for the purpose of negotiating
- Extracting the trauma
They delve into each of these steps in a way that will make you feel empowered and encouraged.
You won’t want to miss a minute of this one - get ready to take notes!
About today’s guest:
Dr Melissa, a Trauma Expert and Master Healer helps Soul-driven leaders solve their "unsolvable" problems. She helps brilliant, creative, empaths identify the hidden narcissists impacting their lives, identify the impact they have on their lives, then rise above the trauma and chaos, becoming antifragile.
Grab your free Clarity Guide here: narclesslife.com
Connect with Dr. Melissa:
Website: https://melissakaltmd.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melissakaltmd
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissakaltmd/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/DrMelissaKaltMD
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Grab our National Resource Guide HERE!
False Sense Series
False Sense of... Amicability
It is far wiser to judge people by their deeds than their speech – judge their track record rather than their talk. -Rasheed Ogunlaru
Do you find yourself believing what your spouse says rather than believing their actions?
This is what I call creating a false sense of amicability.
What is a false sense of amicability and how does it play out for some people in the divorce process?
It is where one person believes it is possible to avoid all conflict throughout the divorce process even though the previous track record proves otherwise. There is more emphasis on words than actions.
You want to believe that you can avoid conflict. You want your divorce to be amicable. I mean, who doesn’t, right? However, avoiding conflict may not be the answer. Avoidance is often fueled by fear of feeling uncomfortable, fear of being bullied or fear of being perceived as selfish or unreasonable. Let’s be honest, being passive is exhausting. You work tirelessly to please others, and it may be impacting your emotional well-being, your health, and your financial future.
Furthermore, this false sense of amicability keeps you from being honest with yourself about what you need and want financially. If you don’t speak up about the finances maybe it will be different this time. If you cooperate and give more, maybe you can avoid being gaslit.
As a result, you agree prematurely to financial decisions without having all the information. You accept financial proposals in good faith without knowing all the options. You don’t want to not be perceived by your divorce attorney as being difficult or uncooperative. In fact, your divorce attorney encourages you to be cooperative so you will be looked on favorably by the court. However, you find yourself perplexed because your spouse is not following any of the court orders and has no accountability. He is not being cooperative and yet nobody seems to care.
Ladies, what is the cost to our own financial well-being if we don’t challenge this paradigm?
The reality is that the impact for women can be a hefty one! Numerous studies have revealed that a woman’s lifestyle is negatively impacted after divorce and over half (52%) of respondents experienced this well-documented downward shift in their standard of living. Additionally, women face unique financial headwinds because they have longer life expectancies, lower incomes, and fewer years in the workforce than men. In fact, women may never truly recover from the financial impact of the divorce.
With that in mind, what can women to do to challenge the amicability smoke screen and be better positioned for financial wellness?
Here are five immediate things you can do.
- Be willing to reconnect with YOUR financial values. What is important to you?
- Be cautiously optimistic about the words of your spouse – focus on their actions.
- Remember it is okay for there to be some disagreements or challenges. You don’t have to just accept things to “keep the peace”.
- Do your homework. Ask questions to gain understanding.
- Don’t be afraid to negotiate – it can be fun!
Apply the ANOT Method.
- A – Acknowledge
- N – Naturally
- O – Obviously
- T – The Ask
Ladies, let’s do this! It is time for us to step into the next level of financial empowerment.
These are just the beginning of things you can do. While I am all about practical, immediately applicable action steps, there are advanced divorce financial strategies available too.
With all of this in mind, this is why I created the BRIDGE method to help women who are considering divorce to go from crisis to closure WITHOUT the guilt or overwhelm. This was designed out of a desire to give women the step-by-step method and tools to not only challenge these paradigms but to also be prepared, poised, and empowered as they go through the divorce process. This six-month group experience will give you the tools, the strategy and the support you need to ensure that your lifestyle does NOT go down 41% after the divorce. Ladies, let’s work together to change this! Are you in? YES!
Be sure to check out last week's blog post and podcast, A False Sense of Financial Security.
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Check out our new BRIDGE Group Coaching Program!
Did you know that according to a Forbes article nearly half of the women surveyed said they had “financial surprises” during the divorce? Say what?!
Here is a short list of the things I have seen with my clients (changing life insurance beneficiaries, setting up separate business entities, establishing private bank accounts, transferring money to another family member, taking loans from 401ks and more!).
Furthermore, here are a few comments women may hear from their spouse in hopes to keep things “amicable”.
- You will be well taken care of.
- You don’t need to have the business valued. It isn’t worth anything.
- You can keep the house – and I will keep my pension.
This is what I call creating a false sense of financial security.
Learn more over on our blog!
Want more info on our Bridge Group Experience? click HERE.
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Rhonda sits down with Trauma-Informed Coach and author, Houa Utech to discuss covert narcissism and what it’s like to move through the divorce process when you feel like you have no control. They discuss:
- What can you do to build your team?
- Ways the court system is broken.
- How to end up with what you deserve.
- Tips to deal with the trauma you carry.
And be sure to check out Houa’s Book: The Unseen Wounds of Women
About today’s guest:
Houa Utech is an International Trauma-Informed Coach, advocate, and author who specializes in helping women recover and reclaim their lives from Betrayal Trauma, Covert Narcissistic Abuse, Complex PTSD, Divorce, and Post-Separation Abuse.
Houa has personally experienced covert narcissistic abuse and trauma from infidelity and betrayal which led to her developing anxiety, panic attacks, and complex PTSD.
In her search to find understanding and healing, she discovered a whole community of women dealing with similar experiences of intimate partner abuse, post-separation abuse, and abuse from within the Family Court system. With the knowledge and healing practices used in her own journey, she has made it her mission to bring awareness, provide education, and help women move from living in survival mode to thrive beyond abuse and trauma.
Connect with Houa:
Email: houa@houautech.com
Website: www.houautech.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/houautech
Instagram: www.instagram.com/houa_utech
Wisconsin Safe Parents Private Facebook Group:
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Check out our new BRIDGE Group Coaching Program!
Recently, Rhonda sat down with Divorce Mortgage Planner, Tami Wollensak, on her YouTube video series, Peaceful Divide. We are pleased to be able to share that conversation with you here! Tami and Rhonda discuss strategy, finding the right team, and moving the needle to enable women to walk away empowered.
Have you ever wondered how Rhonda approaches her strategy? Listen in!
About our Guests today:
Tami Wollensak is a Senior Mortgage Loan Originator and a Certified Divorce Lending Professional NMLS 1963450 at Oak Leaf Community Mortgage, A Division of Mutual Federal Bank. An Equal Housing Lender insured by FDIC.
Check out Tami’s Website!
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Check out our new BRIDGE Group Coaching Program!
If you’re contemplating divorce, or in the middle of the process, you may not see what your life can look like moving forward. Our guest, Laura Ericson believes in new beginnings! Laura and Rhonda talk about how you can prioritize travel - even if it’s just a weekend away. Taking time for yourself can be an important part of the healing process.
About today’s guest:
Laura Ericson is a travel expert and guide - ready to help you plan your next trip.
Although Laura has always loved travel, it wasn’t until she got divorced in 2017 that her desire to see the world was truly ignited. She had wasted a decade of her life being unhappy, and decided then and there to make travel a priority. After spending 2020 cooped up and unable to travel, Laura realized how much she not only wanted but needed travel in her life. So she decided to do something about it.
Laura offers group travel to places all over the world! Be sure to check out her site for more information:
Website
Travel Facebook Group
Blog Post
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Are you contemplating divorce? Do you feel unsettled and can’t quite answer the question, “What do I really want?”
Today’s episode is a special one. Rhonda is joined by Certified Energy & Performance Coach, Nicole Isler as they honor and remember a mutual client who lived out her next best move to the fullest. You’ll be encouraged and inspired as you hear the story of how she worked through her emotions and found her true, authentic self.
Our hope is that as you listen, you’ll realize that you can be just as empowered to make your life what you want right now.
About today’s guest:
Nicole Isler, “The Energy Coach” has been an ardent advocate for health and wellness for over 30 years. She helps high-achieving coaches and wellness professionals rekindle their passion to get back their energy so their life + business becomes enjoyable again and feels like the ultimate party.
Through Nicole’s proprietary methods and techniques, her clients master their emotional responses to stress, increase productivity, and expand their capacity. This allows them to serve at a higher level, stand out in their area of expertise with confidence, and create their greatest impact.
Connect with Nicole:
Website
YouTube
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Are you contemplating divorce? Do you feel unsettled and can’t quite answer the question, “What do I really want?”
Today’s episode is a special one. Rhonda is joined by Certified Energy & Performance Coach, Nicole Isler as they honor and remember a mutual client who lived out her next best move to the fullest. You’ll be encouraged and inspired as you hear the story of how she worked through her emotions and found her true, authentic self.
Our hope is that as you listen, you’ll realize that you can be just as empowered to make your life what you want right now.
About today’s guest:
Nicole Isler, “The Energy Coach” has been an ardent advocate for health and wellness for over 30 years. She helps high-achieving coaches and wellness professionals rekindle their passion to get back their energy so their life + business becomes enjoyable again and feels like the ultimate party.
Through Nicole’s proprietary methods and techniques, her clients master their emotional responses to stress, increase productivity, and expand their capacity. This allows them to serve at a higher level, stand out in their area of expertise with confidence, and create their greatest impact.
Connect with Nicole:
Website
YouTube
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
“Don’t be afraid to be your own advocate.” Attorney Brian Blitz and Rhonda have an eye opening conversation about the divorce process, how it affects women, and ways to get the support you need. Spoiler: it takes a team; one that will provide the strategy you need to come out ahead.
About today’s guest:
Brian says:
You do better for people when you do better with people. That’s not only my approach to matrimonial law, it’s my approach to life. Working with clients through some of the most difficult periods of their lives, I approach my work as a Principal at the Berger Schatz law firm with a combination of optimism, empowerment, and lightheartedness because I’m out to change the image of a stereotypical divorce lawyer.
I am an experienced and highly respected family law attorney, often praised for my compassion and holistic approach to solving family law problems. I've represented professional athletes and other celebrities, business owners, C-suite executives, medical professionals, and their spouses in a variety of family law matters. I help my clients navigate complex business valuations, characterization of marital and non-marital assets, and child support and maintenance issues.
Connect with Brian:
Website
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30-minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Rhonda’s guest today is AJ Grossman, owner of Leap Frog Divorce.
AJ is a master at navigating tough conversations in divorce.
- How do you respond?
- Is a response required?
- How to engage in a difficult conversation with a learning mindset.
- Establishing good boundaries
- Neutralize the emotion
- Determine how to protect yourself if a civil conversation isn't possible.
- Breathe! You’ll be ok
WEBSITE
YouTube
About today’s guest: A.J. Grossman graduated from San Jose State University with a degree in business administration and at the top of his Florida law school class. He immediately went on to achieve his Master of Laws degree in Dispute Resolution from The Straus Institute at Pepperdine University Law School in California, which is the #1 ranked Dispute Resolution program in the country.
As the son of a Navy Officer and the founder of several businesses, he learned quickly about service to others. A.J.’s goal is to help people solve problems, plain and simple. Being in the right place, doing the right thing, at the right time, for a person (or couple of people) in need, drives A.J. to continue growing his legal practice. He focuses his efforts on providing solutions that protect the interests of those who seek amicable resolutions in their lives.
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30-Minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Rhonda’s guest today is Paulette Rigo from Better Divorce Academy. If you are contemplating divorce or in the midst of going through it, it’s important to stay educated! Finding the right experts to walk with you in the process is instrumental to the success of the outcome.
About today’s guest:
As a Credentialed Mediator, Certified Divorce Coach and Director of Divorce Coaching and Management for Divorce Operations for Divorce Right Inc.
Paulette Rigo specializes in mediating and coaching clients through high conflict, domestic violence, parental alienation, estrangement and narcissistic divorce cases.
Better Divorce Academy educates and encourages those who are considering or in the midst of the divorce to process thrive in the midst of the heartache and challenges.
Connect with Paulette:
Company Website
YouTube
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Britt Baker, Dow Janes co-founder and money mindset coach, sits down with Rhonda to delve into the mindset of money. Who do you want to be with your money? How do you go about rewriting your story? If you’re feeling discouraged, you aren’t alone - and this episode will give you the tools you need to make some real changes.
Learn what a weekly money ritual is and how it’s actually self-care! Check out Britt’s free resource:
https://try.dowjanes.com/ritual/
About today’s guest:
Britt Williams Baker (she/her) is a Harvard Business School graduate, an
expert investor with 10+ years of experience, and money mindset coach. She
is on a mission to serve those who have traditionally been left out of the
financial world, and she does so by bringing a step-by-step approach to
saving and investing. Through her company, Dow Janes, she and her co-
founder Laurie-Anne have helped hundreds of women+ pay off debt fast, set up
long-lasting money systems, and invest for the first time. Britt believes
everyone deserves the confidence, clarity, and peace of mind that comes
with having your finances handled. Britt has been featured in select
publications and podcasts including GoBankingRates, Yahoo! Finance,
Money You Should Ask and Impact Labs to name a few.
Connect with Britt:
Website
YouTube
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Today’s episode tackles the difficult subject of Coercive Control and the various ways your spouse could be controlling you. Rhonda and Lisa discuss some trends and offer suggestions on how to set boundaries and fight back.
About today’s guest:
Lisa Fontes, PhD, is an internationally known expert on child abuse, intimate partner abuse, and sexual violence. As a researcher, activist, expert witness, and author, she works to protect the most vulnerable people from violence.
She has written many journal articles and the books:
- Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship,
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Interviewing Clients Across Cultures
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Child Abuse and Culture: Working with Diverse Families
She is a Senior Lecturer II at the University of Massachusetts Amherst in the Department of Interdisciplinary Studies. She has worked as a family, individual, and group psychotherapist. She has conducted research in Santiago, Chile, and with diverse people in the United States.
Dr. Fontes is a popular conference speaker and workshop facilitator, and blogs for publications including PsychologyToday.com and Domesticshelters.org.
Connect with Lisa:
Website
Buy her latest book: Invisible Chains
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Have you ever felt like something is “off” in regard to your spouse and your finances? The warning sides of fraud could be right in front of you. Tracy and Rhonda discuss the red flags to look out for and how to trust your gut. Be sure to connect with Tracy and access her Divorce Money Guide!
About today’s guest:
Tracy Coenen is a Forensic Accountant with Sequence Inc. Forensic Accounting
Tracy has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years, but she didn’t always want to be a forensic accountant. With a dream of one day being a prison warden, Tracy went to Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI to get a criminology degree. A class on financial crime investigations reminded her how much she loved Encyclopedia Brown books as a kid. She continued her criminology degree, but added accounting and economics courses so she could sit for the CPA exam… and here Tracy is, finding money in cases of corporate fraud, high net worth divorce, and other financial shenanigans.
She has created a new resource, The Divorce Money Guide - check it out!
Website
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30-minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Rhonda sits down with Philip Segal to discuss the role of an investigator as you go through the divorce process. Learn how to ask the right questions, surround yourself with the right people and uncover things that can help you at settlement time. You may know more than you think you know!
About today’s guest: Philip Segal is a Managing Member with Charles Griffin Intelligence.
Philip has been a lawyer and investigator since 2007. Prior to that, he was a journalist for 19 years in five countries with a specialization in finance. His most recent job was Finance Editor at the Asian Wall Street Journal in Hong Kong.
Find out more at Philip’s website: Charlesgriffinllc.com
Blog: The Divorce Asset Hunter
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Rhonda sits down with Christian speaker and author, Laura Sandretti to discuss all the ways women stay stuck in guilt and shame by the way they talk to themselves. It is possible to reprogram your mind to break free from what is holding you back. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself and work to change the conversation going on in your own head. Most importantly, give yourself grace.
About today’s guest:
Laura Sandretti has been a Christian speaker, blogger, and author for over ten years. She has her master's degree in Theological Studies and is a former high school teacher and women's ministry director.
Connect with Laura:
Website
YouTube
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Are you re-entering the job market - or wanting to uplevel your current position? Rhonda and Career Coach Nikki Ryberg talk about ways to maximize this current climate. Nikki offers suggestions on ways to get creative as you transition, and shares her advice on how to land the job you really want. Be sure to check out Nikki’s website below to access her free course.
About today’s guest:
After 15+ years in HR leadership roles, Nikki Ryberg transitioned to become a Career Coach and Resume Writer. Nikki helps clients all over the US and Canada figure out what they want to do for a job or career and then how to best go about getting it, with a focus on search materials and mock interviews.
Connect with Nikki on LinkedIn and visit her website to access her free course!
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Rhonda and Cheree talk openly about life as a busy Mom - whether you’re running your own business, or just managing your household, you CAN find balance. The key is to shift your perspective, know yourself, and take some time to think about what you value most. If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, (and who isn’t these days?) this episode will offer practical tips to make some changes.
About today’s guest:
Cheree Sauer is a Life and Mindset Coach for Momprenreneurs and has her own podcast, The Balanced Mompreneur. Her company, Heartfelt Mamas helps mompreneurs go from surviving to thriving in life, business and faith.
Her story; her words:
For 15 years, I was an Athletic Trainer with a Master's Degree in Sports Medicine where I helped athletes prevent and overcome injury and burnout. After having children, I found myself burnt-out from a demanding job and travel schedule. I took a leap of faith, quit my job and
became a stay at home.
After 4 months of being a stay at home mom, I was depressed, resentful of my kids and hated my life. I had become reactive to my circumstances and realized I didn't know who I was or what I wanted out of life. I knew God had more for me, so I dug into my faith and decided to no longer be a victim to my circumstances.I started my company, Heartfelt Mamas, as a self-care gift box company to encourage moms to take care of themselves but after 3 years, I realized the real issue was in their mindset and their subconscious beliefs. From my previous professional background, I knew I had a gift to help people see the real root cause of their problems whether in their body, their mindset or their relationships. Now, I help high-achieving,
faith-based moms find and work through the root cause of their burnout.
My podcast is for high-achieving moms who want to pursue their passions while being present for their families.
Connect with Cheree:
Website
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Today’s conversation is a first for us! Rhonda and Attorney Robert Taylor sit down to discuss what divorce looks like if you or your spouse serves in the military. Finding an attorney who specializes in this area is key as you navigate the rules and regulations of being a military couple. They tackle the topics:
- Where should you get divorced?
- Housing and retirement
- Benefits
If you are in the military or married to someone who is, and contemplating divorce, this is a must listen episode!
About today’s guest:
Taylor Law & Mediation was started by attorney and mediator Robert J. Taylor in Mountain Home, Idaho, in 2013. The firm expanded to Boise, Idaho, in 2020 and offers the same quality service in both locations.
By focusing on mediation as a primary option and not a court of last resort, Taylor Law & Mediation provides a low-cost alternative to traditional litigation. Mediation is less expensive than litigation; it is often quicker and puts the participants in control of the final outcome, not a judge. Mediation not only puts people in control of their case, but it also makes the law accessible to people in a very real way that is often overlooked or ignored.
In addition to practicing law, Robert also serves as an engineer officer in the Idaho Army National Guard. Prior to commissioning in 2008, he spent six years as a paralegal specialist for the Idaho Army National Guard.
Connect with Robert:
Taylor Law and Mediation
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call
Click HERE for our Divorce Planning Course
Rhonda’s guest today is Christine Cocchiola, Coercive Control Advocate, Educator, Researcher, & Survivor.
Rhonda and Christine tackle the difficult topic of Coercive Control - what it is, and how it affects you and your children. There are many forms of abuse, including in your finances. Christine offers practical tactics and strategies to keep you safe and supported.
About today’s guest:
Christine Cocchiola is a college educator and clinician in social work. She is an advocate for protective parents leaving an abusive relationship and/or trying to parent children who
have grown up in the family dynamics of a coercive controller. Christine is a researcher of post separation abuse experiences of adult and child victims and currently obtaining her PHD at New York University.
Ways to connect with Christine and access her resources:
Website
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call!
Are you wondering if mediation is right for you? Rhonda and Alison discuss the questions to ask yourself, your spouse, and your potential mediator before moving forward. Mediation can be a great option but it’s important to know how the process works to know if it’s right for you and your family.
About today’s guest:
Family means everything to Alison, which is why she has dedicated herself to peacemaking in divorce and helping families restructure in the most amicable way possible.
Alison is a family mediator and attorney who enjoys working with clients, learning about their children and financial goals, and counseling them on their options so they can make informed decisions that are right for them and for their families.
She has written articles on the benefits of mediation and collaborative divorce for families, including on how these processes improve the mental health of children in divorce.
Alison is an executive committee member of the Los Angeles County Bar Association's Family Law Section and also a board member of the South Bay Bar Association (SBBA) and co-chair of the SBBA’s Family Law Section.
Connect with Alison:
Website
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call!
Rhonda sits down with Family Recovery Coach Lisa Smith to discuss how addiction affects the entire family. Lisa offers some practical ways to establish your own personal values and set healthy boundaries. Start by asking yourself, “What do I need right now?” About today’s guest: Lisa Smith is a Certified Family Recovery Coach & Educator. She has lived experience with addiction in her own family and went in search for answers and a better way to connect, move forward and have influence when the resources being given to her were not working.
Lisa holds certifications in peer recovery coaching with a focus on family systems, CRAFT (community reinforcement and family training) and Invitation to Change. She supports families who are living with the disease of addiction in their lives to find the awareness and self-compassion for themselves to grow and heal, understand the neuroscience of addiction and why behaviors make sense in their loved ones and bring science and kindness together to connect and communicate in an effective to influence change.
Connect with Lisa:
Website
TikTok
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call!
Marriage and family therapist Gilza Fort Martinez talks with Rhonda about leaning into the uncertainty of separation and divorce. They address how to ground your emotions and begin to dream of possibilities for yourself. Divorce can be an opportunity to rebuild your life when you have the right people by your side.
About today’s guest:
Gilza Fort Martinez is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Miami, Florida. She has worked with women in their families through various life‘s transitions, and has helped women after betrayal to re-create their sense of self.
Gilza also works with couples where there has been betrayal and encourages reconnection between them when possible.
Connect with Gilza:
Website
Rhonda and Gilza mention speaker and author Mel Robbins - check her out HERE.
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call!
Family Law Attorney, author, and speaker Ashley-Nicole Russell is our guest today! Ashley-Nicole and Rhonda do a deep dive on collaborative divorce - what it is, and how it compares to other available options. This is a raw and honest look into a broken system and why choosing collaboration might be the right answer for you.
If you’re contemplating divorce, do not miss this conversation!
About today’s guest:
Ashley-Nicole Russell, Esq. is an award-winning family law attorney, author, and speaker who is changing the way divorce is perceived around the world. She is widely known as a dedicated, passionate, and trustworthy attorney with integrity. She is committed to protecting her clients while understanding the needs of their families. As a child of divorce and divorcee, she brings a unique, relatable, and personal understanding to AN|R Law Offices and the communities it serves. As the first collaborative law firm in eastern North Carolina, AN|R Law has office locations in Greenville, Raleigh, Beaufort, and Wilmington.
When her parents divorced, she faced years of hardship and adversity due to the impact of traditional litigation and the lack of shared parenting laws.
This experience inspired her to pursue law and find a better way for families to divorce.
Ashley-Nicole graduated Magna Cum Laude from Appalachian State University with a Bachelor of Science in Political Science and a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice. She went on to attend North Carolina Central University School of Law where she graduated Magna Cum Laude and earned a Juris Doctor and a Certificate in Dispute Resolution from the Dispute Resolution Institute. Ashley-Nicole trained and obtained membership with the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals and co-founded the North Carolina Collaborative Attorney Network.
With more than a decade of experience in collaborative law, Ashley-Nicole knows first-hand how this model benefits families during separation and divorce. This method, which Ashley-Nicole used in her own divorce, allows the couple to move forward peacefully with understanding and respect. She is the author of The Cure for Divorce Culture and the host of the Divorce, Healthy! podcast. She is an advisor for co-parenting app Fayr and is a member of the national board of directors for the National Parents Organization. She also serves as the Vice President for the Carteret County Bar Association.
As an expert in a divorce culture, Ashley-Nicole has appeared on various multi-media platforms to discuss collaborative law, conflict resolution in the workplace, and the future of divorce in America. Ashley-Nicole has been featured in Forbes, The Washington Post, and ABC, NBC, and CBS news affiliates. She actively shares her mission nationwide by speaking at events, conferences, and trainings focused on family law, human resources, and mediation. She is committed to sharing information to help families navigate the emotional and legal aspects of separation and divorce.
With wide-ranging experience in the legal industry throughout North Carolina, she co-founded and co-owns two additional law firms with varying specialties. McLawhorn & Russell, PLLC, with locations in Raleigh, Greenville, and Beaufort focus on employment law, social security disability law, family law, and civil litigation. Michael & Russell, PLLC, headquartered in Wilmington focuses on adoption law and collaborative family law.
Connect with Ashley-Nicole:
Website
Divorce Healthy Podcast
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call!
Rhonda and Attorney Tina Roddenbery discuss the new trend of “gray divorce” and how divorcing later in life presents unique challenges. They look at 5 key areas to consider as you move through the process. If this is you, listen in and take notes!
About today’s guest:
Tina has focused her practice on all aspects of family and domestic relations law, including divorce, division of assets, custody, alimony, child support, support modification, legitimation, paternity, and contempt since 1987.
She has held many leadership positions in the legal profession, including serving as a fellow of the Georgia Chapter of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, an exclusive organization of the nation's preeminent family law practitioners, a fellow in the Georgia Chapter of the International Academy of Family Lawyers, a master of the Charles Longstreet Weltner Family Law Inn of Court, past chair of the Family Law Section of the State Bar of Georgia, former Trustee and member of the Executive Committee of the Board of Trustees for the Institute of Continuing Judicial Education which bears primary responsibility for basic training and continuing education of Georgia's judicial branch, and former chair of the the Commission on Continuing Lawyer Competency.
She was Atlanta Georgia Family Law Lawyer of the Year in 2018. She frequently speaks on family-law topics throughout Georgia and has published many articles on family law for Continuing Legal Education seminars. She's also a co-author of family law legislation. In addition to her trial experience, she has extensive expertise in resolving cases by mediation and settlement.
Connect with Tina:
Website
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call!
Join Rhonda as she talks with Divorce Coach, Twyla Marks about moving forward after divorce. They discuss 3 key things to help you find confidence, contentment, and joy after the dust settles. About today’s guest:
Twyla M.Marks is a woman of God who exemplifies the life of an overcomer. She's a Texas native, sports lover, specifically speaking, a Dallas Cowboys lover, and has worked in the healthcare industry for 20+ years. She's a single mother of two adult children. Her daughter is a college graduate of the University of North Texas and her son is entering his junior year at Texas Tech. She is a survivor of a toxic marriage which sadly led to divorce. Her marital roller coaster ride and recovery have positioned her as an expert on helping struggling relationships find resolutions. She's a new author, podcast host, speaker, and creator of the Facebook group Life After Divorce Get Your H-A-P-P-Y back!
Connect with Twyla on her website: https://twylammarks.com/
Be sure to tune into her LIVE show each Monday night at 7:00pm CT on YouTube at Divorce Talk with Twyla
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30-minute Discovery Call!
You may not be ready for this just yet, but it’s something to consider! Rhonda talks with Dr. Holly Battey about finding the right partner. Learn how to be in touch with your mind, heart and gut when making life decisions and entering new relationships.
Be sure to listen to the very end for Dr. Holly’s special offer!
About today’s guest: Dr. Holly Battey
Dr. Holly helps conscious single men and women find the love of their dreams. With a doctorate in clinical psychology, she founded Find Love At Last in 2014 to help sincere clients find lasting love and has been a matchmaker, coach, and image consultant for over 9 years. Dr. Holly is a dating expert and inspiring speaker who empowers and speaks on image, strategy, online dating, partner suitability, communication,and commitment. She is based in San Francisco, California, and works with clients around the world.
Connect with Dr. Battey:
Website:
https://www.findloveatlast.com/
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1178662715802614
LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/holly-battey-psyd-b3b39010/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call!
You may not be ready for this just yet, but it’s something to consider! Rhonda talks with Dr. Holly Battey about finding the right partner. Learn how to be in touch with your mind, heart and gut when making life decisions and entering new relationships.
Be sure to listen to the very end for Dr. Holly’s special offer!
About today’s guest: Dr. Holly Battey
Dr. Holly helps conscious single men and women find the love of their dreams. With a doctorate in clinical psychology, she founded Find Love At Last in 2014 to help sincere clients find lasting love and has been a matchmaker, coach, and image consultant for over 9 years. Dr. Holly is a dating expert and inspiring speaker who empowers and speaks on image, strategy, online dating, partner suitability, communication,and commitment. She is based in San Francisco, California, and works with clients around the world.
Connect with Dr. Battey:
Website:
https://www.findloveatlast.com/
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1178662715802614
LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/holly-battey-psyd-b3b39010/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call!
Do you have a plan? Rhonda talks with Attorney Ashley Lillesand about the importance of establishing an estate plan - especially if you have minor children. Choosing the right people to handle your affairs is an empowering process and will bring you peace of mind post-divorce. It’s easier than you think!
About our guest:
Attorney Ashley E. Lillesand is the managing partner at Lillesand Law LLC. She focuses her practice on Estate Planning, Estate & Trust Administration, Guardianship and Probate. Prior to attending law school, Ashley worked for a non-profit organization assisting clients through guardianship and making decisions regarding placement, medicaid, end of life, etc. She works directly with each and every client to establish an estate plan that meets the clients' needs and addresses their concerns. She focuses on educating her clients on the options and procedures involved in planning and administration. Ashley is resourceful and tries to ensure that clients do not feel intimidated or overwhelmed with the process. She is married with four children and is actively involved in St Charles Parish and School.
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashley-lillesand-828a7094/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lillesandlawllc/
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call!
On today’s episode, Rhonda sits down with Attorney Lindsay Renier to discuss how to prepare for trial. It’s not necessarily what anyone wants, but it’s a possibility, and you need to be prepared. Lindsay shares ways to set yourself up for success during the process.
About today’s guest:
Lindsay Renier is the Owner & Attorney with Renier Hotopp Law.
As the owner and operator of Renier Hotopp Law, Lindsay represents
women going through divorce or child custody issues. She not only
represents her clients as they navigate through challenging legal issues, but
she also encourages, emboldens, inspires and strengthens women as they
endure one of the most difficult times of their lives. Lindsay operates a
Boutique Law Firm and works directly and intimately with each of her clients,
encouraging them to fight for what they have a legal right to, and emboldens
them to demand what is needed for a brighter future ahead - for themselves
and for their children. Lindsay is a fierce litigator and a savvy negotiator. She
is happily married to her husband, Kenny, and has a blended family of her own.
Connect with Lindsay:
Company Website: www.TheRHLawOffice.com
Facebook: Renier Hotopp Law
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/feed/
Instagram: renier_hotopp_law
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Click HERE for a 30 minute Discovery Call!
Rhonda and her guest, Cherie Morris, discuss conflict resolution and practical ways to communicate effectively. Cherie explains the BIFF method and other strategies for communicating so that you can begin to honor yourself in times of stress and conflict.
Grab Cherie’s free download!
https://deardivorcecoach.com/request-transform-conflict-in-your-life/
More about our guest:
Cherie practiced law for many years before transitioning to full-time coaching seven years ago. Her own divorce informed her awareness of a missing link in life transitions, especially separation and divorce. Cherie believes having an objective thinking partner, an expert in communication, and transformational communication, allows her clients to plan for their success to more fully support their children too.
Cherie uses tools from many modalities including referrals to legal, financial, and therapeutic professionals but also helps them implement specific meditation and action-oriented practices to address their wholeness as people. She firmly believes when the adults are well, their children can thrive too.
Connect with Cherie:
Company Website
www.DearDivorceCoach.com www.Recompose.Us
https://www.facebook.com/DearDivorceCoach
www.linkedin.com/in/morrischerie
https://twitter.com/DearDivorceTeam
https://www.instagram.com/deardivorcecoach/
YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJJMAXn_j7fwszBM6-Zh8EQ
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Attorney Dennis Vetrano talks with Rhonda about ways you can build your team and set yourself up for financial success. They discuss pre and post nups, the importance of setting up a budget, and ways to prepare yourself for a healthy financial future separate from your spouse. You don’t want to miss any of this conversation!
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Today’s guest is Dennis Vetrano, Jr., Attorney and Owner of the Law Office of Dennis Vetrano, Jr. LLC in Dutchess County, NY.
Vetrano graduated from SUNY Albany with a BachelorsDegree, Major: Political Science, Minor: Economics. Shortly after passing the bar in 1999, Mr. Vetrano accepted a job with The Law Office of Alice K. Berke, a small but aggressive general practice litigation firm in the City of Albany. For the next three years, Mr. Vetrano was able to really hone his skills as a young lawyer, handling everything from complex estate/probate litigation cases in Manhattan to federal criminal defense cases in Federal District Court to contested divorce/family law litigation cases and everything in between.
In late 2005 and finally at the TOP of his craft, a true litigator, Mr. Vetrano decided to venture out on his own. He relocated to Dutchess County, the place where he grew up and started the Law Office of Dennis R. Vetrano, Jr., LLC in Beacon, New York. Finally he was able to have the freedom to take the cases he believed in and assist those DWI, criminal defense, divorce and family law clients in the way that only Dennis R. Vetrano, Jr., Esq., knew how... For the next year, The Columbia County Attorney's Office hired Mr. Vetrano as a "Special Prosecutor" to handle all of their more complex child abuse/neglect prosecution cases as well as to train their young staff attorneys.
In his continuing efforts to grow and evolve his Divorce and Family Law litigation practice in September 2016 Attorney Vetrano engaged in and completed the comprehensive Mediation and Conflict Resolution training necessary to offer Divorce Mediation services. This allows Mr. Vetrano in appropriate cases to work directly with both parties to a Divorce who are seeking to resolve their differences fairly, amicably and efficiently. Further, in 2017 Mr. Vetrano completed the Collaborative Interdisciplinary training to become certified to be a Collaborative Divorce attorney.
Connect with Dennis:
Company Website
https://www.drvetranolaw.com/
https://www.facebook.com/DRVLaw/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/dennis-vetrano-1a2944196/
https://www.instagram.com/drvlaw/
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMDlBoAxCkYyTck7sq03KLA/videos
Other
https://www.avvo.com/attorneys/12508-ny-dennis-vetrano-961182.html
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Rhonda talks with Podcast Host and Coach, Kate Anthony about how women can take care of themselves as they contemplate divorce. Kate tackles the difficult question: Should I stay, or should I go?
About our guest, Kate Anthony:
Kate Anthony is the host of the critically acclaimed and New York Times recommended podcast The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast and the creator of the groundbreaking online coaching program, Should I Stay or Should I Go? which helps women make the most difficult decision of their lives using coaching tools, relationship education, geeky neuroscience, community support, and deep self-work. Kate empowers women to find their strength, passion, and confidence even in the most disempowering of circumstances and helps them move forward with concrete plans set on a solid foundation, putting their children at the center (not in the middle) of all their decisions. In addition to her online programs, Kate works privately with clients all over the world. Kate lives in Los Angeles with her teenage son (whom she lovingly co parents with her ex-husband), their two dogs, and a handful of fish.
Connect with Kate:
Company Website www.kateanthony.com
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/YourDivorceSurvivalGuide
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcesurvivalguide
TikTok: @thedivorcesurvivalguide
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
Claire and Rhonda talk about rituals and how they help you move forward during any kind of transition. Tune in for their discussion of the 5 stages of ritual and how that can help you navigate through change. This episode gives practical tips that you can begin to implement into your life today!
About our guest:
Claire Jones is a Change Guide that supports conscious visionaries who are navigating transitional spaces in their personal or professional lives.
Through bespoke rituals of intention, she guides people through transitioning into something, out of something, or looking for something new.
Connect with Claire:
Company Website
www.liminalclarity.com
facebook.com/liminalclarity
linkedin.com/in/claireejones
instagram.com/liminalclarity
YouTube
youtube.com/channel/UCxnup793zBiHtV6eXsuod5w
_____________________________________
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
As an accomplished speaker and international author, Rhonda has been interviewed on several national and local platforms as a financial expert, including Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, the Morning Blend. She has been featured on Thrive Global, Authority Magazine, The Divorce Hour Radio Show, Better Over 50 online publication, and many more!
Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom whose husband is in positions of power (emotionally and financially) or a high-income earner—Rhonda and her team advocate for women and help them stop overcompensating their financials out of guilt or shame.
Connect with Rhonda:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wfwcdivorce/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rhondanoordyk/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/RNoordyk
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rhondanoordyk/
Our guest today is Tina Swithin, Author and Family Court Advocate. Tina founded One Mom’s Battle after navigating a high-conflict divorce in the California Family Court System. Rhonda and Tina discuss the importance of documentation, preparation, and strategy to take on these difficult domestic abuse cases. Grab a pen - you’ll want to take notes!
Connect with Tina:
Company Website - www.onemomsbattle.com
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/onemomsbattle
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/tinaswithin/
Twitter - @onemomsbattle
Instagram - @onemomsbattle
YouTube -https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI4AhUPJiUSU_wqtSqRoaOw
About Tina:
In 2009, One Mom’s Battle (OMB) began with one mother, Tina Swithin, navigating a high-conflict divorce in the California Family Court System while in pro per. When Tina named her blog, “One Mom’s Battle,” she truly felt alone and isolated in her journey. After going public with her story in 2011, Tina quickly realized that she was not alone, and that narcissistic abuse affects both men and women. Tina champions children’s rights - versus mother’s rights or father’s rights. Tina has now dedicated her life to raising awareness on narcissistic personality disorder and its impact on victims and, on the family court system.
In the fall of 2019, Tina successfully terminated her ex husband's parental rights which is no small feat in the California family court system. Tina has chosen to assume the title of survivor versus victim and has become an advocate for change in the Family Court System. Tina believes that the courts have lost sight of their primary focus, which should be the best interest of the children and are too focused on mothers’ rights and fathers’ rights. Tina believes that children are suffering unnecessarily due to the lack of education on the front lines and behind the judicial bench. Tina works tirelessly to raise awareness of the issues in the Family Court System and to educate the court system on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and other Cluster B personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder. Tina has written a series of books under the title, "Divorcing a Narcissist.”
Our guest today is Brian Victor, Attorney, JD, and LMFT. Brian is a family law attorney in San Diego, California focusing on the mediation of divorce, child custody, and parent plans. Brian has experience as a Family Court Counselor and brings us a unique perspective on the divorce process. He and Rhonda discuss mediation options and the importance of a good parenting plan.
Connect with Brian:
The Law Offices of Brian A. Victor
https://brianvictorlaw.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lawofficesbrianavictor/
Instagram: @Brianav7
Twitter: @brianvictorlaw
More about our guest, Brian Victor:
Prior to running his own practice, Brian worked 11 ½ years as a Family Court Counselor at the San Diego Superior Court Family Court Services.
Brian has been named one of the best divorce lawyers in San Diego between 2016 and 2021. He was named a Super Lawyers Rising Star from 2015 to 2020.
_____________________________
Your host is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®, CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Rhonda has dedicated her career to being an advocate for women and educating them on how financial strategies can impact their personal and professional success. Her work has shown women going through a divorce how to have a voice, be assertive, get results, be driven, and move forward with confidence.
For Rhonda and her company, the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, helping women isn’t just about running the numbers. It’s about asking the right questions, demystifying myths and biases around finances, and helping women walk in their power. Rhonda is passionate about helping her clients navigate a broken system and level the playing field so they can achieve success—pre, during, and post-divorce.
As an accomplished speaker and international author, Rhonda has been interviewed on several national and local platforms as a financial expert, including Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, the Morning Blend. She has been featured on Thrive Global, Authority Magazine, The Divorce Hour Radio Show, Better Over 50 online publication, and many more!
Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom whose husband is in positions of power (emotionally and financially) or a high-income earner—Rhonda and her team advocate for women and help them stop overcompensating their financials out of guilt or shame.
Connect with Rhonda (add her links for website and socials)
In this episode, Rhonda welcomes Amanda Singer. Amanda is Co-Owner of West Coast Family Mediation Center. She is a Licensed Attorney, Certified Mediator, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. Amanda’s key area of practice is mediation.
According to Amanda, mediation is not going to work in all situations, but it does in a lot more than people realize. Some couples might agree on everything and they just might need more help with getting things done correctly. And there are those that agree on nothing. At least they have to both agree on mediation. Communication is not easy. Make sure you utilize the mediator’s expertise to help you through this process, especially if you have kids.
Here are some of Amanda’s recommendations about mediation and communication during the divorce process:
- Mediation is a voluntary process and both partners have to be willing to participate, compromise, and communicate.
- Once you’re already in mediation, share your concerns with the mediator.
- Think about how you’re communicating with your spouse, or soon be your ex-spouse during the process. It is important to take a step back and think about what it is you’re saying and how it is going to be received.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Amanda Singer, Co-Owner and Professional Family Mediator, Licensed Attorney, Certified Mediator, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst.
Here’s how Amanda describes herself: I am a proud co-owner and professional family mediator of West Coast Family Mediation Center (parent company of San Diego Family Mediation Center and California Family Mediation Center in Orange County). We are dedicated to helping families deal with conflict constructively and find ways to improve communication, solve problems, and reach agreements on legal and non-legal issues. I have seen litigation destroy relationships. I am passionate about mediation, which helps our clients maintain a relationship and get to the heart of the issues that are causing conflict.
We help families through all stages of life including pre-marital mediation, marital mediation, divorce mediation, parenting plans, blended family mediation, and estate planning distribution. Our goal is to help educate you on the benefits of mediation and see how we can help.
I have my JD from Chapman University School of Law as well as my Masters in Dispute Resolution from The Straus Institute of Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine University School of Law. I have completed extensive mediation training, including certification as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA)
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram| YouTube
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda welcomes Gregg Murset, the CEO of BusyKid, which is the ultimate debit card and app that helps teach kids how to manage their own money. Gregg is a Certified Financial Planner and consultant who has become a great advocate for sound parenting. In this episode, Gregg shares the importance of teaching your kids the value of money and managing it. He gives us some good tips on how you could help your kids have a better future by teaching them about the financial aspects of life.
According to Gregg, it’s important to know the balanced financial approach to financial management which is what our kids need to learn. Who is a better teacher than you, right? His message for you today is: Teach you kids while they’re young.
Here are some of his tips:
- A balanced financial approach includes saving, sharing and spending. You need to teach your kids what these three things are and what they do to help us manage our money. It’s the reality of life and they should know this while they’re young. Preparing them for the future is a gift that they will eventually thank you for.
- Teach them real life skills like earning money through allowances or chores. Kids learn best through experience. The rubber meets the road when they’re actually experiencing real life scenarios. If you do this, you set up your kids for future success.
- Be consistent and use technology, These are two important aspects of building your kid’s success. Teach them to consistently earn money, save a little bit, share a little bit and spend on their card. If you completely fall off the wagon, then just get back on. You don’t have to be perfect but be consistent. Plus, use technology for your benefit and just go with the flow.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Gregg Murset. Gregg Murset is a Certified Financial Planner and consultant. For more than 20 years, he has been successful in his personal insurance and financial services practice. A graduate of Arizona State University with a degree in finance, he has earned multiple professional designations in his industry.
In addition, he is the CEO and Co-Founder of BusyKid. He has become a leading advocate for sound parenting, child accountability and financial literacy. As a father of six, he decided to throw away the old-school paper chore chart and found a way to combine the old method with technology.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In today’s episode, Rhonda is joined by Bridget Potterton. Bridget is a Certified Divorce Real Estate Expert in the state of California. Today they discuss the things you should be considering before selling your home during your divorce. Selling your home could be a tough decision due to various reasons such as emotional attachment, but you must consider everything when making this big decision in your life.
Bridget reminds today’s listeners to be careful and consider everything in making your decision.
Here are some of the key points to the discussion that make this a worthy listen:
- The key is to take a deep breath and really think through the strategy before you make a decision of whether or not to either buy out a spouse, if that's possible, or whether you need to sell the home.
- Take a look at the numbers, options and data to make a good decision, not leaving the emotional part at the door but also not forgetting that there is some logic that goes along with the decision making as well.
- Hire the right people on your journey. It’s not easy to go through a divorce and you need the right professionals along the way. It’s important to have experts that you need which could save you time, money, energy and mistakes.
- The best time to sell is when both parties are getting along.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Bridget Potterton who is a Real Estate Divorce Specialist and owner of the Bridget Coast Team at Keller Williams San Diego Metro. She has been real estate for 18 years and her first real estate divorce case was early on in her career. She is the only real estate broker in all of California who has both the Real Estate Divorce Specialist and Certified Divorce Real Estate Expert designation.
Website | LinkedIn | Facebook
____________________________________________________________________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In today's episode, I sat down with David Iancu of Karp & Iancu, S.C. law firm in the state of Wisconsin, to debunk some of the myths surrounding divorce. Disclaimer! The discussion that we had pertains specifically to the laws on divorce in the State of Wisconsin. What we discussed may not apply to you as each state has its own laws pertaining to this matter. Nevertheless, I am encouraging you to listen to our discussion because there might be things that you didn't initially consider that could be touched upon here.
Right off the bat, David Iancu gives his most important advice to people considering divorce and it is this: Get as much intel or information as you can! He notes that people often lack knowledge about the divorce process. Thus, he encourages you to look out for information to gain clarity about your situation.
Listen to this episode to learn the truth about myths in divorce.
Here are some of the myths that spouses believe:
Myth 1 - "We get to keep what we had before we got married."
Myth 2 - "The placement of our children will be on a 50-50 basis."
Myth 3 - "The judge will approve any settlement we agree on."
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was David Iancu, the managing partner of the firm, chief client consultant, and often-sought mediator. Well-known as an innovator in the Milwaukee legal market, he has built Karp & Iancu into a family law powerhouse. The son of immigrants, David is a first-generation American. He attended college at Drake University where he graduated magna cum laude. He is a graduate of Marquette University Law School, where he graduated cum laude.
Website
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include assertive communication, boundaries, leadership, and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference, and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time and leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
For today’s episode, Rhonda is joined by Nicole Cheri Oden. Nicole is an attorney licensed in the State of California for almost 10 years with her own virtual law practice. Today they will discuss the various options when going through a divorce. Litigation divorce isn't the only way and being aware of these options can help families minimize the emotional stress and costs during a difficult time. Taking a step back to review the emotional climate between the two parties can eventually help smoothen the journey through divorce.
Nicole sternly reminds today’s listeners that divorces don't necessarily need to be amicable to be successful but to be respectful.
Here are some key points to the discussion that makes this a worthy listen:
- There is more than one way to get a divorce. Listen now to know what to consider when choosing between mediation, collaborative process, cooperative process, and limited scope representation.
- Divorce is not free - It will cost time and money so choose wisely on how you spend it. It might cost more to switch gears midway so choose the process that fits you.
- Choosing the right team is essential. This is a sensitive and personal time of your life and you should be able to have the lawyer that you’re comfortable with.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Nicole Cheri Oden. Nicole Cheri Oden is an attorney licensed in the State of California with her company Nicole Cheri Oden Law, PC. Nicole has a settlement-minded
family law practice. As a mediator, collaborative law, and consulting attorney assisting families through legal separation and divorce, paternity, and post- judgment modification proceedings, Nicole has volunteered with the Domestic Violence Project located in Department 8 of the Stanley Mosk Courthouse in Downtown LA and is passionate about child custody issues.
Website | LinkedIn | Facebook
____________________________________________________________________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda welcomes Ariel Kopac, the founder and owner of Harness Your Hindrance. They talk about money and the mindsets that keep us stuck. We all experience fears around money, and that fear is heightened when there is a significant life change, especially divorce. Knowing that you can call out the fear, face it, and not be manipulated by it, you embrace the power you have. We can be manipulated by fear, or we can manipulate our fear. The choice is ours. Women going through divorce need to know that they have the power to choose.
Ariel’s message to you today is: Whatever you decide, know that your greatest limitations are always those that you place upon yourself.
Listen to this episode and learn about some of the strategies that may impact your mindset around money.
Here are some of them:
- Whenever you focus on what you do not want, you are keeping your focus there instead of on what you do want.
-
Our associations are powerful and can be helpful or hurtful. Reframe money as a tool that you use.
-
You have to know your truth, so you can deflect the lies and stay strong and focused on what you want to say. You have to know what is your ideal and what is nonnegotiable. Take out time for yourself, figure out what you want first, and then go into conversation.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Ariel Kopac. Ariel is the Founder and Owner of Harness Your Hindrance.
Here’s how Ariel describes herself: I am a mindset business coach, focused on empowering people to find and face the fears that are holding them back from reaching their next level of success. My professional background is in training and development for financial advisors. My curiosity for understanding what holds people back was strongly prompted there. My passion for tapping into the potential of a person has led to my founding of Harness Your Hindrance. I have studied personality assessments, neuro-linguistic programming, limiting beliefs coaching, and human behavior concepts to learn how to tap into the mind and maneuver mindsets. Clients have called me a "mental ninja" as we have discovered what was deep in their mindset, holding them back from pursuing what they want.
Website | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda welcomes Elizabeth Kay, the Morning Show host on 99.1 The Mix and podcast host of “50 Shades of Kay”. Elizabeth talks about her divorce process, the things she did, and the things she wished she did differently. She also talks about her life after divorce. According to her, you are going to have tough days, even after the divorce, because you need the time to mourn your relationship. Elizabeth also shares about her life in a blended family and gives some excellent co-parenting tips. She highly recommends the book The Happy Stepmother by Rachelle Katz, which is very helpful and easy to read.
Elizabeth’s message to the women going through the divorce is: Put your needs first and do not apologize for it, even if there are kids involved in the divorce. If you do not take care of yourself, and put your oxygen mask on first, you are going to suffer the consequences of that down the road, and ultimately, so will your children.
Here are some of her recommendations:
- You are in the stage of the process where you are thinking very emotionally. And you are making permanent decisions. Put your power team together that will get you through and help you realize that you are not alone. And find someone you can talk to that is completely not involved and does not know all the people involved.
- You can picture something in your future, but it does not always happen. It is good to plan, but sometimes you need not be so strict with the plan. You have to follow your gut.
- Your kids are paying attention. They hear things, they pick up on things. If you have any frustrations do not say them in front of a child. That does not do anybody any good, and there are always two sides to every story. Get out of your ego.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Elizabeth Kay. She is the Morning Show host on 99.1 The Mix in the Greater Milwaukee area, and she also has her podcast called 50 Shades of Kay.
Here is how Elizabeth describes herself:
I host the Elizabeth and Radar morning radio show on 99.1 The Mix in Milwaukee, and I host a woman's lifestyle podcast, 50 Shades of Kay.
I went through a divorce eight years ago, and now I am remarried. I have a 16-year-old stepson. This past March, I donated my kidney on behalf of my mother-in-law through the paired kidney exchange program. I enjoy working out, traveling, cheering for our Wisconsin sports teams, playing with our boxer Mila and going to concerts.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda welcomes Amee Quiriconi. Amee is an advocate, business consultant, speaker, author, and the owner of Activity Girl, LLC. Amee has been divorced twice and has learned valuable lessons from each experience.
According to Amee, divorce is emotional. We have to find space in our divorce process to breathe, to calm down, and to come back to the really hard decisions that we have to make when we are not amplified, and elevated, stressed down, and depressed.
Here are some of her thoughts and recommendations:
- Support system is invaluable. It is hard to do this on your own, especially in a high-conflict situation. We have to figure out where can we get resources of people that are not in the swirl, in the perimeter of the hurricane, but are sitting safely and calmly in the middle.
- Divorce is hard. And if you haven’t done therapy or counseling for the duration of your divorce, I highly recommend finding somebody who can help you with that because divorce is triggering a lot of things in us.
- Pivot, stop and think about what you’re doing. Treat it like a business. We have to be able to evaluate what is the cost – emotionally, financially… and what is the potential of returning our investment.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Amee Quiriconi, Business Consultant, Speaker, and Autor, the owner of Activity Girl LCC.
Here’s how Amee describes herself: Unfortunately, I've divorced a couple of times and had to deal with financial abuse before and
during a divorce. My financial turnaround in my life was of the hardest things to do, but it happened. I am an advocate for women and their financial independence, even if happily married because you never know when life will happen, and you will need to support yourself (and maybe kids) all on your own.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda welcomes Attorney Dan Exner, Family Law and Divorce Lawyer, and the Founder of Exner Legal, LLC. They talk about mediation.
There are some misperceptions about mediation. Mediation is not an alternative to the divorce process. And mediator is not an attorney that’s there to advise people. Mediators are not supposed to give you any kind of direction - their role is either to find the middle ground or to figure out where there is none.
The one thing Dan wants you to know is: You need to be empowered with as much information as possible before you go down this path, whatever path you take.
There are many good things you can learn from their conversation, and here are some of them:
- Internet is a great source of information. But be careful what you read online. Law changes from state to state, but procedures can change county by county, or even judge to judge. Even be careful who you are talking to because people can have completely different experiences than you.
- You are going to have to mediate if you have children and if you’re litigating custody and placement issues.
- Mediator can be any person, but you want to choose an attorney, or retired judge, who has dealt with the subject matter because they have seen these cases many times and can give you the best option.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Dan Exner, Family Law & Divorce Lawyer — Founder of Exner Legal, LLC.
Attorney Daniel A. Exner has experienced the best education Wisconsin has to offer. He received his double bachelor’s degrees from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. He received his Juris doctorate from Marquette University.
Attorney Exner has practiced exclusively law affecting the family from modifying the current family tree to planning for legal needs in the future. His career started at the national family law firm of Cordell & Cordell where he focused on fathers’ rights. He helped opened Sterling Law Offices and practiced there as a partner until the Fall of 2018, representing people from all walks of life. He is a member of the Wisconsin Bar, Illinois Bar (inactive), and Waukesha Bar Association. He is a member of the Foley Inns of Court.
Here’s how Dan describes himself: I am a family law specialist. I can say that because this is all I do. And I am focused on two main practice pillars: I really stress communication. That is important to me. And I do not tell my clients what they are going to do. I’ll give you my advice, I’ll tell you what is a good idea or what is a bad idea, but at the end of the day, it is your case, it is your judgment, you are the one that has to live with it.
Website | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda welcomes Ilyssa Panitz, a Divorce Journalist and Columnist. According to Ilyssa, too many times women act on emotions, and then when faced with a barrage of questions about money, finances, marital residence, and expenses, they come up short by not having any of the answers. It is crucial, vital, and imperative that women do their homework before serving their husbands with divorce papers.
Ilyssa’s message for you today is: You are going to be OK. You are going to land on your feet. You are going to survive and thrive.
Here are some of her recommendations:
- Preparation is everything. Keep your emotions in check. It is a very big transaction and you have to treat it as such. You have to know your facts. Investigate, investigate, investigate.
- Set a new email address, your own bank account, get your own credit card, check your vehicle for a tracking device, get off your social media, do not put anything regarding your matter on social media, get Life360 app for your children…
- Put a team together. Your lawyer should not be your accountant. Find 2-3 people you like and have them work together. The team you hire works for you.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Ilyssa Panitz. Ilyssa writes a daily column for Medium called: “5 Things You Need To Know to Survive and Thrive During and After a Divorce.” Ilyssa serves as the Content/Editorial Producer for The National Association of Divorce Professionals. She is the Co-Host of “All Things Divorce” on Clubhouse, and the host of "The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz" on CRN (Cable Radio Network.)
During her career, Ilyssa has worked at: CNN, MSNBC, 1010 WINS Radio in NY, WCBS-AM, New York-1 News, Westwood One, Star Magazine, Closer Magazine, Meredith Publishing and produced hundreds of Celebrity “At Home” photoshoots and sat-down with some of the biggest names in Hollywood for "exclusive" one-on-one interviews.
Here’s how Ilyssa describes herself:
I love getting the scoop and telling people's stories, which is why I am passionate about my career and can't wait to tackle every new challenge!
I am an accomplished journalist and field reporter/producer with over 24+ years of experience. My profession has allowed me to cover pivotal news and entertainment events including The September 11th attacks, The Tony Awards, The MTV Movie Awards, The 2012 Summer Olympic Games, and even travel with Hillary Clinton as part of her Senate Campaign’s Listening Tour.
During my time on the Hollywood beat, I have had the great honor of sitting down with many A-listers for an in-depth one-on-one discussion about their lives, the challenges they have had to overcome, and what motivates them to keep pushing forward.
Every phone or in-person interview continues to provide me tremendous excitement. These precious moments are always a wonderful honor and a huge privilege.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | Twitter
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda welcomes Dr. Elizabeth Cohen, a clinical psychologist and the Divorce Doctor. She is the author of the book Light on the Other Side of Divorce. In this episode, Dr. Cohen shares about the trauma of divorce and healing from that trauma, and she gives some really good tips on how to process the anger.
According to Dr. Elizabeth, your experience matters. And the only person you can change is you. Her message for you today is: You are immensely brave, you are immensely courageous, you are strong beyond measure.
Here are some of her tips:
- Watch and notice the thoughts you use. And instead of saying: “My marriage is over, the relationship did not work”, consider saying: “My relationship came to its perfect conclusion. It gave me and my partner everything it was meant to, and now it is time to release it”.
- To process anger, allow your body to move through anger by listening to music.
- Do not talk smack about the other parent. You have the right to be angry, but your child should never be part of that. Your child has a biological need to attach to both parents. If you talk smack about the other parent, you kid will feel unsafe. - Dr. Cohen has provided for you a pdf file with some really good prompts on how to replace the words of anger with the words that can help you child.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Dr. Elizabeth Cohen. Elizabeth Cohen, Ph.D., is the CEO and Director of Dr. Elizabeth Cohen and Associates, a group private practice in New York City serving children, adolescents and adults. Dr. Cohen is a clinical psychologist who has over 15 years of experience specializing in the treatment of anxiety and depressive disorders. She has a particular expertise in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and has treated adults, adolescents and children with state-of-the-art CBT treatments.
In addition, Dr. Cohen is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce. The 14-week course teaches women how to heal, grow, and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. A related membership program provides 1:1 coaching, expert support from divorce professionals, and an engaged community of like-minded people.
Dr. Cohen received her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Boston University. As part of her graduate training, she treated clients at the world-renowned Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders in Boston, MA.
Here’s how Dr. Cohen describes herself:
I am an expert in the clinical practice of supporting people in their quests to navigate life’s challenges and thrive beyond them. My personal experience through the darkness and devastation of divorce led me to see that my expertise and skills as a PhD-level clinical psychologist could be a source of light in the darkness of divorce for others.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram
Freebie for Divorce Conversations Listeners
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda introduces Rebecca Stern Kaufman, Founder of Pearl Mediation Group, LLC. Rebecca is a divorce mediator that specializes in working with families that have children with special needs, and she is also a special education advocate for those parents.
According to Rebecca, whether you’re experiencing a divorce, separation, or you have a child with any kind of behavioral, developmental or educational issue, it’s a crisis, it is something you did not expect. In that moment of crisis, you’re not going to make the best decisions. You need a team of professionals, people who can help you to answer all those questions and teach you to ask the right questions.
Rebecca’s message to you is: You are not alone, and we are going to build the team together that’s going to help give you all the information you need to move forward and in more empowered way.
Here are some of her recommendations:
- Having the right team is important to provide you with right information. If you have a special needs child, you may need a special needs financial planner, or a health insurance advocate.
- If you can understand what’s motivating the person on the other side, that is going to help you work on these relationships better.
- You do not have to do what your attorney said the last three clients did, or what your friend down the street did. You have to do what works best for your family.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Rebecca Stern Kaufman, J.D., CPM, Founder of Pearl Mediation Group, LLC, which she founded in 2016. Rebecca is a graduate of New York Law School and is a certified divorce mediator and parent advocate, specializing in families of children with special learning, behavior & mental health needs.
Part seasoned negotiator, part life-strategist, Rebecca has helped clients successfully navigate divorce, complex parenting plans and the special education system. She has earned a reputation as a trusted advisor and champion for those facing unexpected challenges. Rebecca strives to empower her clients with innovative solutions, and expertly crafted agreements that serve as a roadmap for life’s detours.
Rebecca serves on the Board of Directors of MarbleJam Kids, a nonprofit providing support to a neurodiverse population through the creative arts.
Rebecca lives in Bergen County, NJ, but works with clients from across the country through her online practice.
Her crisis concierge services include divorce mediation, divorce coaching, and special education parent advocacy.
Here’s how Rebecca describes herself: My goal is to empower women by providing them with their own personal crisis management team.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube | EmailDComply | Tilt Parenting
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda welcomes Jasmin Caviezel, Personal Trainer and Menstrual Cycle Coach. They talk about the four cycle phases and what happens during the phases with hormones and energy changes.
Jasmin’s message for you today is: Listening to your body is always the best thing to do. Keep track your changes. Journaling is great way to start for anyone that is new to this. The My Flow App may help you track your cycle and gives you some useful tips.
Here are some of Jasmin’s tips:
- Women in menopause still can feel those changes in their body happening. Those cycle changes are still applicable even though the hormones are declining.
- It is powerful to work out with your cycle. Getting to know your body and those changes you go through brings the awareness and understanding and more love for yourself.
- We need to take care of ourselves. We want to make sure that we prioritize ourselves and our wellbeing especially during challenging times. All the stress that come with it can impact our hormone system.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Jasmin Caviezel, the Owner of Jalistic for Menstrual Cycle Coaching, and Workouts Personal Trainer at Orange Shoe Personal Fitness.
Here’s how Jasmin describes herself:
I grew up in Switzerland where I worked as a holistic pharmacy technician. After graduating I decided to continue my education and moved to Madison WI to study Fitness and Recreation Management. I earned my degree from Madison College and certifications from American Council on Exercise. I combined my knowledge and created my own business called Jalistic, to educate, support and help women live with their menstrual cycle. The focus lays on improving a woman’s lifestyle by adapting nutrition, exercise and stress management in a way that empowers and brings a deep connection and compassion to a woman’s life by living in sync with their cycles.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda welcomes Kristin Belkofer, a mental health professional, and a Founder and Clinical Director of CLARA Healing Institute. They talk about the parenting aspect of the divorce process and therapeutic strategies for working with children.
According to Kristin, if communication and healthy confrontation is a problem in marriage, it is going to be a problem in the coparenting relationship. Her message to you today is: This is just a chapter of not only your story but of your family’s story. And remember that kids are extremely resilient.
Here are some of Kristin’s counsels:
- It is important for both parents to feel that they can have some space for transitioning and coping from stressful situations.
- Kids are resilient but they need support – the earlier, the better – even if it seems that the child handles it well. Because sometimes they don’t even know what to ask, or what to say.
- There are some great tools for families for better day-to-day communication, like Talking Parents, and My Family Wizard.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Klara Belkofer, Psychotherapist, and Founder and Clinical Director of CLARA Healing Institute.
Here’s how Kristin describes herself:
In my role as a psychotherapist, I provide therapy services, support, and psychoeducation for women who are engaging in the divorce process. Additionally, I work with children who are moving through the divorce process, helping them to create a healthy and resilient narrative about the family story. I am trained as a child specialist for collaborative divorce, and I help parents create holistic parenting plans in the best interest of the child. I enjoy using simple, easy to understand language to help parents understand the basic tenants of brain development and neural response to life transitions for their children. I went through a divorce in 2010 when my son was 7, and I would love to help other women learn from my mistakes and make parenting decisions out of confidence and trust in themselves, rather than guilt or doubt.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram |
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda welcomes Jessica Coenen, Founder and CEO of La Belle Creative. Jess shares her story of being divorced twice, left almost homeless, without an income, and full of questions like: Who am I? And then starting over, answering those questions and building the new story for herself.
Here are some of her encouragements:
- This is you new life and fresh start. And that is scary as hell because you don’t know what’s around the corner.
- What do you fantasize about? What are your biggest dreams?
Even if you have to go to work at Starbucks, or somewhere, be thinking about what your dreams are and you’re passionate about, and could you market that, could you sell that.
- When new information enters the equation, you get to make different decisions. You can only start with where you are. We cannot forecast our future so we have to do what we can in the present with the information we have. And trust ourselves enough that when we have a new information, we are ready.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Jessica Coenen. Jess is a marketing executive and strategist who loves helping people and businesses, from start-ups to Fortune 100 companies, share their unique stories and build communities with their audiences. She’s known for her signature communication style and ability to distill complex data and the highly-technical world of digital marketing into dynamic approaches and tactics that create connections and get results.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
On this episode Rhonda welcomes Christine Bannister, a Courage Coach, mom of two, and a full-time Dispatch Supervisor for 911 center. Christine shares about her own experience of raising children as a single mom, building her career in emergency services, and PTSD as a result of being overloaded and not dealing with the trauma of divorce.
Christine’s message for those who are going through divorce is: This is not the end of you. There is hope. As you progress, and move through the trauma, and start dealing with things, you continue to find yourself and discover who you are.
Here are some of her thoughts:
- In all the moments when you feel exhausted and overwhelmed, and you feel like you can’t take care of yourself, stop everything you’re doing, and rest, or go for a walk, or choose a better food item that can nourish your body or your brain in a different way. Because ‘someday’ takes a really long time to get here.
- We all have trauma, but we just ignore it. It is really critical to know and understand that trauma does not get better, it just gets buried. Identify it, talk to someone, and keep processing.
- Remember that you’re not alone. What you’re going through is normal when it comes to dealing with abnormal circumstances, like divorce.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Christine Bannister. Christine is a Courage Coach and 911 Dispatch Supervisor.
Here’s how describes herself:
After being numb, exhausted, frightened, rundown, and just trying to survive... the worst hit and PTSD struck me down. But I was brave enough to decide that it would not dictate to me whether my career would be over and I fought to gain my life back. The journey through PTSD has been tough but has increased my capacity to love and learn and evolve. It forced me to deal with me, deal with self-care deficiencies, and deal with the pain & trauma long hidden in my heart. The healing is not done yet but what glorious good God has done through it all.
Now, I am wrapping up my 26-year career in emergency services and working to launch a Coaching business while earning my degree in Crisis & Trauma Counseling from Liberty university.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda welcomes her friend Jessica Lucchesi Moylan, health and wellness expert, a mom of three daughters and recently divorced after 25 years of marriage. Jessica shares her insight and encouragement with you, and her message for you today is: Tack your head, your heart and your gut in the alignment.
According to Jessica, divorce is like a bad dream, but she’d rather be alone than lonely with somebody else.
Here are some of Jessica’s suggestions for those women contemplating divorce:
- Start to journal – What do I want? What do I want out of life, what do I want in a relationship?
- It is a really personal decision. You have to choose your hard - because, it is going to be hard. There will be things you have to go through whether you stay or whether you leave.
- Keep your side of the street clean. And be absolutely resolute and sound in your decision.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Jessica Moylan, Wellness & fitness lover, make-up artist, leader and Arbonne consultant.
Here’s how she describes herself: I come from a divorced family. I wanted to do it differently. I met my husband when I was 21. He was a little older than me, and it felt safe and secure. From the outside, compared to the instability I was living in, it looked stable. It took me 20 years, to realize that my marriage is emotionally bankrupt. I did not have a partner. I did everything on my own. I felt like I was a single mom with him as a fourth child. Finally, I decided that I’d rather be alone.
Website | Twitter | LinkedIn | Instagram | Facebook | Pinterest
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda talks to Lisa Mack, an independent senior sales director, and a Cadillac driver. Lisa shares about her experience when she was going through divorce after four years of marriage, starting her business and building credit ratings. For a long time, she found comfort in her favorite Bible verse from Jeremiah 29:11, and it proved true in her life.
According to Lisa, the overall thing is: You can do it. You can make it through. You really can come through on the other side even better than you could’ve even imagine.
Here are some of Lisa’s suggestions for women going through divorce:
- It may seem like the worst thing in the world. Take a minute at a time, if you cannot do a day or an hour.
- Anger and grief – It is too easy to cover it up with a band aid, but you have to get through it. Sit in it, and feel it and go through it (the hurt, the emotion….) before you can move on in a healthy way for yourself and your family. Talk to a trained professional.
- Hire a quality attorney who is well versed in this industry, who will give you guidance, particularly if you have children. Even if you’re getting along, even if you think it’s going to be amicable, feelings change, divorce is an emotional thing, it’s one of the worst things you could ever go through and you want to make sure you are protected.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Lisa Mack, Mary Kay Independent senior sales director. She is a beauty influencer, who is empowering the lives of women daily!
Here’s how describes herself: Courageous confident Christian woman on a mission to impact and influence peoples lives. To become all that God created me and help others become what God created them to be!
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this special episode Rhonda welcomes her friend Leslie who shares her own experience with divorce.
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this special episode Rhonda welcomes Kim Reuf, the owner of TRUE Tax & Accounting. Rhonda and Kim discuss Tax concerns issues, such as the extended filing date, child tax credits, the filing married versus single, how to handle an uncooperative spouse and claiming Head of household. According to Kim, the key is to be educated.
Contact Information
Kim Rauf
Website | LinkedIn |
(608) 218-6547
kim@trueconsultingllc.net
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda welcomes Stephanie Shaw, the founder of Leigh & Ollie. Stephanie is a health and wellness coach and a Certified Holistic Nutritionist and Nutrition Strategist. According to Stephanie, you need to look at the bigger picture, not just how to lose weight.
Here are some of her tips:
- Meal prepping – make sure that your metabolism maintains consistency throughout the day and that you are getting good carbohydrates, fats, protein. You want to make sure that you’re eating that balanced diet.
- If you look at your cycle, the four different phases of your cycle, each of them will tell you when you should be making certain decisions.
- Put your oxygen mask first – if you don’t take care of yourself, then you can’t take care of your children, of your finances or your career.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Stephanie Shaw. Stephanie Shaw is the founder of Leigh & Ollie. She took the strategies she implemented to recover from a two-year illness and turned it into a coaching and online education business where she teaches women how to manage their hormones so they can lose weight, have more energy, and slow the aging process.
Stephanie created a protocol, The Mind Body Business Method. The protocol supports high-performing female divorceés by helping them peel back the layers of why they can’t lose the weight – down to the DNA. As a result, clients build lasting lifestyles of confidence, energy, and a body they deserve.
Stephanie’s Master of Science is from Northeastern University.
She holds a holistic nutrition certification from AFPA and an exercise and nutrition certification from Precision Nutrition.
Here’s how Stephanie describes herself:
I work with executive and CEO-level women who are frustrated with the extra weight, lack of energy, and inability to focus on the task at hand – they have tried everything, and nothing works.
I help them peel back the layers of this intricate puzzle, down to their DNA and show these high-performing women precisely what to do to keep the weight off.
As a result, my clients build a lasting lifestyle of confidence, energy, and a body they love.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | Twitter
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda welcomes Barbara Huson. Barbara is the leading authority on women, wealth and power.
Barbara shares several tips on how to change our mindset and deal with that resistance that keeps us from making that change.
- The ideal way to work with resistance is to explore it – to ask yourself some really deep questions and think it through: what am I afraid of; why am I afraid…. When you look at your resistance and you explore it, it is amazing what happens.
- It’s quite simple to rewire for wealth. It’s only three steps: recognize your negative, unhealthy, or unwanted thought; reframe it, and respond differently.
- It is not about the money. It’s who you have to become in order to attract, to sustain and to grow your wealth.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Barbara Huson (previously known as Barbara Stanny). She is the leading authority on women, wealth and power. As a bestselling author, teacher & wealth coach, Barbara has helped millions take charge of their finances and their lives.
Here’s how Barbara describes herself:
I’ve had two divorces, and both those divorces were emotionally devastating. But they were also huge turning points in my life and I had the opportunity to become a different person, a stronger woman because of it.
I grew up relying on my father (the “R” of H&R Block), then my husband, to manage my inheritance. But early in my marriage, I found out my husband was a compulsive gambler. And here’s the insane part — I continued to let him handle all our finances because that’s how scared and intimidated I was by money.
That didn’t change until a devastating financial crisis became a personal wake-up call. I got tax bills for over $1m for illegal deals my ex got us in. He’d left the country. I didn’t have anywhere close to $1m. And my father wouldn’t lend me the money. I had three daughters — one just a baby, and I was not going to raise them on the street. That’s when I knew I had to get smart. And I did.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda welcomes her friend and a fellow podcaster Kimberly Warner. Kimberly shares about her experience of going through divorce after 19 years of marriage, dealing with attorneys and the importance of asking the right questions, even if your process is amicable.
Here are some of Kimberly’s thoughts on the subject:
- It does take time, and I think you have to do something for yourself. Pick up a new hobby, or a new habit, or something that you really want to do to start healing.
- You have to be authentic and honest with yourself and know that you deserve more – and be strong enough to ask the questions and to say what you want.
- Figure out who your tribe is, the people that can support you, and stand there and hold your hand through it.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Kimberly Warner. Kimberly has a podcast called Fearlessly Authentique. She is also a boutique owner, and also owns a candle factory.
Here’s how Kimberly describes herself: I’m a mom to two wonderful children, a creative designer, and a serial entrepreneur. And yes, trust me, I have fears too… sometimes daily. But I’ve learned how to overcome the barriers and channel those energies to live life on my terms. Now, I want to help you do the same.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
On this episode Rhonda introduces Nathan Astle, the founder of Relational Money LLC. Rhonda and Nathan talk about financial therapy, the goal of which is to change the way people think, feel, and behave with money. Through several examples and exercises, Nathan shares where and how financial therapy can make that change and increase the person’s wellbeing.
According to Nathan, money is emotional. If financial wellness is difficult for you in the process of a divorce there are reasons behind it, and it can be a lot of different things, like your family, or your relationship with your ex-partner. Here are some of his advices:
- As much as possible give yourself space and allow yourself room for growth and improvement. There are tools and baby steps you can take along the way.
- As you are learning more about different financial choices you have, learn to, as much as you can, acknowledge and to regulate your own emotions
- Try to be open and to see a couple of different types of therapists if the first one is not settling right for you.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Nathan Astle. Nathan has a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and is the founder of Relational Money LLC.
Here’s how he describes himself:
My passion is in couples and family relationships, specifically how financial conflict impacts relationships and what therapists and financial advisors can do about it.
I am the founder of Relational Money LLC where I offer trainings to financial advisors and money coaches on basic financial therapy skills. This will help them be better at their jobs, retain more clients, and improve the quality of care.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
On this episode Rhonda talks to Dera Johnsen-Tracy, an Estate Planning Attorney and a partner at Horn & Johnsen SC. Dera law firm, about the importance of Estate planning.
Dera’s message for us today is: Getting started on your Estate plan, or even getting a plan in place, gives you a sense of control. You can decide, even if your divorce is not final yet, who is going to make financial decisions for you if you cannot do that for yourself; your healthcare decisions; who is going to plan your funeral…
Here are some of Dera’s recommendations:
- Staff happens. For your own peace of mind, and for those who you leave behind, it is much better to make sure you have a plan in place.
- You have to make sure your divorce attorney and your estate planning attorney are working together to make sure that you will have the authority to take care of things the way that you want.
- Take back your power. The best way to do it is to get started, take control of your own assets, take control of your own decisions; it really does provide the peace of mind.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Dera Johnsen-Tracy, a shareholder and co-founder of Horn & Johnsen SC. Dera is a 2008 graduate of Marquette University Law School and focuses her legal practice in the areas of estate planning, probate and guardianship. Prior to completing law school, Dera gained 14 years of legal experience as a paralegal in Texas and Wisconsin. Dera’s extensive experience provided a strong and practical client-centered foundation for her legal practice. She strives to meet the needs of her clients in a personal and efficient manner.
Here’s how Dera describes herself:
I am a shareholder and co-founder of Horn & Johnsen SC, focusing my legal practice in the areas of estate planning, probate and adult guardianship. I am also a co-author of Wills, Trusts, and Probate: An Insider’s Guide to Estate Planning in Wisconsin.
I have been invited as a special guest on a number of radio shows such as Ginger Martin of Magic 98 and Hawke’s Radiothon for the Veterans of WJJO, and I have been invited to speak as a featured presenter at various conferences throughout Wisconsin and nationally.
Further, I am a frequent contributor to Young at Heart Magazine and to the national AAII Journal, and I have taught a variety of classes through PINNACLE (State Bar of Wisconsin's Continuing Legal Education Department) and the National Business Institute (NBI).
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Twitter | YouTube
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
On this episode Rhonda talks to Rachel O’Connell, founder and CEO of Pinnacle Parent and Divorced Family Coach about the choices that make a difference in life and parenting.
Rachel’s message today for our listeners is: You will get through it; you are going to be OK, and you will probably be better than you could even imagine. Here are some of her recommendations:
- Accept and own the choices you have made, and you’ll be able to grow and move through them and make different choices in the future.
- Everything starts with the parents. We have to address what’s going on internally. We have to get in touch with our authentic self.
- Accountability, support and a safe space are important for you as well as for your children. Create the space in your home where your children are experiencing the safety of being able to have conversations with their parent.
Heal stands for:
H – honoring the space and the place you’re in
E – expanding yourself
A – affirming your new identity
L – live
Healing is important. Choose to honor your space, yourself, and deal with your trauma and your emotions. And do the same for your kids.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Rachel O’Connell, the founder and CEO of Pinnacle Parent and Divorced Family Coach.
Here’s how she describes herself:
I am a 40-yr-old mom of 2 teens and they're amazing! And I am passionate about helping people in all walks of life. Pinnacle Parent was birthed out of this passion. As a child of divorced parents, and having repeated the cycle of divorce with my own family, I knew there had to be a better way to thrive in divorce. I have been around divorce for 28 years through my childhood, marrying into and immediately becoming a step-parent, then divorcing, and then re-marrying and bringing a step-parent into my children's lives. It's a vicious cycle. One that I now know how to break because I have done it differently! Pinnacle Parent's proprietary system has been developed by compiling personal experience (28-years), research, and tools/methods from thought leaders in the mindset and spiritual realm.
Culture has told us who we are in divorce (step-parents/co-parents/wicked step-mother, etc.) and what divorce looks like (full of hate, bitterness, pain, hurt, belittling, low self-esteem, arguing, WIIFM attitudes). This is what continues the divorce pattern repeating. The majority of families fall into the trap of the numbing effects of divorce. They just try to survive, forget about thriving. And this ultimately affects the children the most, with unseen deep wounds that just perpetuate the cycle in their adult lives. Pinnacle Parent is here to transform the landscape of divorce in the nation and the culture of divorce in your own family. My 8-week 'Foundations' course will begin you on your journey of being the change-agent for your family. And I will be right by your side through it all. After completing the 'Foundations' course, Pinnacle Parent offers 1:1 coaching to any member of the family that wants to continue with the change. Pinnacle Parent is also open for speaking engagements of all kinds. Together, we will not only make your years of divorce thriving years, but we will work to break the chains of divorce off your future generations, and the world, one family at a time.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn |
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda talks to Jason Jendrach, a CPA and owner of Jendrach Dobogai Lindseth inc., about the importance of having right information regarding finances, especially while going through divorce.
Our guest shared some important information about debts, bad tax issues, MSA, innocent spouse, how to get copies from IRS, tax refund splitting, tax table changes and business valuation. Here are some of his recommendations:
- Do not be afraid to ask questions. Do not hesitate and reach out, it is to your benefit.
- The more planning and the more you can put in on the front end the better off things are going to be at the back end.
- With right data you’ll be able to make right decisions.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Jason Jendrach, CPA at Jendrach Accounting & Professional Services LLC. Jason has years of valuable experience as an IRS registered tax preparer, and he assists taxpayers and small businesses with taxes.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Email
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda talks to Paula Rauenbuehler, an International Coaching Federation Certified Associate Coach, about Emotional intelligence.
Paula shared about emotional intelligence assessment, self-awareness, mindset and dealing with emotions in a stressful situation, such as divorce. Emotional intelligence assessment is behavioral in nature – it is about where are you right now, where do you want to go, and what behaviors are needed in order for you to get there. Here are some of her recommendations:
- Self-awareness is about finding out what is behind the emotion, what caused the reaction. Take time to see what’s really going on.
- Any life changing experience is emotional and stressful. When in stress, we are in fear-based mindset. Ask yourself – what else might be going on here.
- It is important for people to use the mindset and awareness to make some decisions and do some discerning of who are they now and who they want to be after all of this.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Paula Rauenbuehler. Paula is an International Coaching Federation Certified Associate Coach. Using her experiences as a Human Resources Director in the corporate sector along with degrees in psychology and business administration, she is uniquely prepared to assist companies in strengthening their succession plan, improve engagement and retention of top performers impacting both the top and bottom line.
As a certified leadership coach, Paula recognizes the capability gaps happening across teams big and small. She's not afraid to address the elephant in the room. Working with an organization’s leaders, she creates a plan that uses neuroscience (or a brain-based approach) and the organization’s real day-to-day work. I call on interactive exercises, brainstorming and feedback to create an environment ready to set priorities, breakdown barriers, and achieve success beyond expectations.
Paula guides organizations from the inside out using the KickStart Your Edge Model. Knowing that it all starts with the individual. From the individual, to teams, leaders, and the business itself, she focuses on the driving forces—The Thing Behind The Thing—that keeps organizations from achieving their best results.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn |
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda talks to Vicki Vollweiler, the Founder of College Financial Prep, about plans and strategies on saving money on the cost of college when parents are separated or divorced.
According to Vicki, it is possible to save money on the cost of college, but it takes some planning and strategizing. She talks about developing a college list, merit and need based scholarships, filling financial aid forms, filling appeals due to separation and divorce, custodial parents, and student loans.
Vicki recommends to start developing a college list by high school sophomore/junior year, and by the end of junior year to have a list of 30-40 schools to research. Lot of information about that can be found online, but it is also important to go to college fairs and to talk to the admissions representatives.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Vicki Vollweiler, Founder of College Financial Prep is a divorced mom of two children who understands the financial complexities of sending a child to college. Her work with families (primarily those who are divorced) throughout the entire financial aid process starts from strategically creating a college list through financial aid form preparation, appeals and student loan guidance which ensures that families are able to maximize college savings, minimize costs and reduce the need for student loan debt.
Here’s how Vicki describes herself:
It all started with my own personal story. I was a Divorce Coach who helped people attain goals, specifically with regards to their personal finances. As clients started to ask me how they were going to afford the cost of college, my own son was approaching high school and I certainly wanted the best for my son!
As a divorced mom, I knew that I wanted to spend the least amount of money necessary to ensure, both, his success and happiness while allowing me to maintain my bank account and not go into debt. I know that we all want the absolute best for our children, especially, when preparing for college. The key is to be informed, strategic and detail oriented so that you can maximize savings on the cost of college. If you're unsure how to proceed, don't potentially lose thousands and thousands of dollars. College Financial Prep was created to guide families through the maze of college financial aid.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda talks to Shannon Vick, Personal Trainer and the Owner of Iron Fist Fitness, about fitness and taking care of your body in order to stay healthy and ready for the challenges throughout the stressful period of divorce.
Shannon points out that working out and taking care of your body is no longer an option, it is an absolute must, just like eating, drinking water or taking a shower. His recommendations for women are:
- Find your reason and find out your why – Figure out what you want to do and why you want to do it, and put together a plan that will take you to your goal.
- Focus on your inner being, focus on doing the things that you want to improve.
- Take small steps. Focus on a new day, on what you can accomplish on that day – take each day at the time.
Shannon gave few tips on how to stay healthy, especially in a stressful period, such as divorce:
- First thing in the morning - drink water, to upstart your metabolism,
- Take proteins to maintain your muscles,
- Take multivitamins to have enough energy to go through the day.
Contact Information and Other Resources
NASM-Certified Personal Trainer Shannon Vick developed Iron Fist Fitness, LLC in 2014 to help individuals transform from within. His philosophy is transforming the mind so you can transform the body. Shannon specializes in weight loss management, building lean muscle mass, core stability and self-defense training and was also featured on Fox 6 WakeUp. He has trained UFC Fighter Anthony Pettis, D1 basketball star from The Clemson Tigers Gabe Devoe as well as NBA prospect Jerrelle Deberry. Shannon is a Group Instructor as well, designing the "Kick Fit" program incorporating the 3 in 1 method which utilizes Interval, Cardio Kickboxing and Core Stability. In his spare time, he enjoys spending time with family, traveling, art, listening to music & watching The Packers. Shannon studies a variety of Martial Arts, training in Muay Thai, Escrima & Jiu-Jitsu.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda talks to Chidima Anusiem, a Best Selling Author and a Divorce Coach, about abusive relationships and how to find true freedom and joy.
Chidima shares several tips to get through a divorce
- You have to know you’ve made the best decision for yourself and your family
- Stand up for yourself and make your own opinion about yourself
- Lean into your pain. You’ll find some jewels there.
You don’t deserve to be abused. You’re already everything you want to be. Just know you’re originally who you are, and you’re beautiful that way - a diamond in the rough. Maybe you don’t see it right away, but diamond is formed under pressure. Make the best out of a bad situation because divorce is an opportunity for self discovery and loving yourself. Loving yourself is one of the greatest things you could do.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Chidima Anusiem, a Divorce Coach and CEO of Change Heal Inspire (C.H.I.) LLC. And a Best Selling Author. She leverages her 15 years of leadership and coaching experience to empower and guide women through their healing journey from divorce or break-up. She helps these women move past their pain, reclaim their value, and position their hearts to love and receive love again.
Chidima (Author Chi) is a Nigerian American born and raised in Atlanta, GA. Despite her humble beginnings her parents taught Author Chi, “no matter how dim life can seem, with hard work, your life can exceed your wildest dreams”.
She applied this hard work as she pursued her education, graduating with high honors from both Georgia State University with a B.S. degree in HR Policy & Development, and American Intercontinental University, where she obtained her MBA.
Author Chi is known for her down-to-earth vibes, and her innate ability to connect with women using various platforms. Author Chi not only has 15 years of experience as a VP of Banking and Regional Management, but also has 10 years as CEO and Designer of the Chianu International clothing line, and another 7 years as a former Dance Instructor for Divine Faith Ministries in Jonesboro, GA. Currently, Author Chi is the Director of Operations for the W.O.W.w.w.w. Women’s Ministry with operations in Georgia, Ohio, Indiana, and North Carolina.
Altogether, Author Chi has over 20 years of experience developing and coaching women to discover their true value and self-worth.
She attributes her success and passion to her faith in God and the influence of His Word in her life.
Although Author Chi’s life seems picture perfect, her world turned upside down after she faced a tumultuous divorce in 2015–enduring years of mental and emotional abuse. This radically shaped the way she viewed her world–in a good way. With the wisdom and lessons she gleaned from her experience, Author Chi shares the intricacies of her story with women all over the world via speaking engagements, books, life classes, vlogs, radio, and so much more. She continues to exercise her passion in the rearing of her beautiful daughter—instilling in her the positive principles needed to become successful and victorious.
Today, Author Chi is the #1 Bestselling Author of “From Glass Stone” where she shares her story of divorce and the journey ‘From Pain to Power’. Author Chi specializes in helping women win in their journey of Divorce by aiding them to move past their pain and live a life without limitations!
Website | Facebook | Instagram | YouTube
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda talks to Cyrina Talbott, the Owner of The Mindset Transformation Company, about improving the mindset when it comes to false beliefs around money.
Cyrina recommends to let go of false beliefs like:
- Man make the money, women don’t
- Money is available for other people, but not for me
- Money is evil
Money is a big deal. It reflects our values, status, comfort, and our security. Don’t let these false beliefs stop you from the actions you need to take.
What’s the best for me, my future, and my kids? Ask these questions and be “bitchy” about it if needed - regardless of how it affects your ex. Doing what’s right for you is your responsibility, but it’s not your responsibility how it affects other people.
If our #1 priority is making everybody happy, it’s not going to be good for us.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Cyrina Talbott, a Rapid Transformational Therapist, getting to the root of issues that hold people back and helping them get their life back. Her journey from completely burning out and learning she had to heal from her own childhood trauma, lead her to be able to help others today. She's a speaker, a mom of 4 girls, and loves reading and being in the outdoors.
Here’s how Cyrina describes herself:
As a Business Mindset Coach, and Rapid Transformational Therapist, I'm passionate about helping business owners understand how to navigate growth. Their business is leading them to a place that is amazing but also unfamiliar.
My work focuses on mindset and becoming confident in order to step into the next level. Bringing you scientifically proven techniques get your subconscious on board - so you have 100 percent of your mind working with you and for you. No longer working against you. This allows you to rapidly overcome self-doubt, sabotage, anxiety about the future and move to that next level.
I had the privilege of studying in person with world renowned psychologist and creator of Rapid Transformational Therapy, Marisa Peer, at the Academy of Medicine in New York.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube
Free Transformational Recording
and BONUS Belief Processing Worksheet
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda talks to Lisa Zeiderman, a Managing Partner at Miller Zeiderman LLP. They are discussing some of the less obvious financial issues you should consider when looking at your and your spouse’s financial assets in a divorce.
Key takeaways from this conversations are:
- Staying on course through the litigation process is important.
- Divorce process is a marathon. Aim for the long run, and make sure to get to the end that works for you and your children.
- What you say to your therapist is not necessarily private during the child custody dispute.
Marriage is a financial partnership, and it should be viewed as such during a divorce. Your job for the next year is to actually engage into divorce. Get all the information necessary to make the proper decision - it is crucial. Focus on taxes and tax return documents. Sometimes the biggest financial pitfalls are with the tax issues that people usually don’t consider.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Lisa Zeiderman, , a Managing Partner at Miller Zeiderman LLP., a Matrimonial Attorney, CFL, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst.
She regularly handles complex financial and custody divorce matters for high net worth individuals. Named a 2019 10 Best Family Law Attorney for Client Satisfaction by the American Institute of Family Law Attorneys, Ms. Zeiderman is also a founding member of the American Academy of Certified Financial Litigators and a member of the panel for Attorneys for Children.
In addition to authoring a well-read blog on Psychology Today, “Legal Matters: Understanding Mental Health Issues as They Apply to Divorce and Child Custody,” Ms. Zeiderman is regularly published in legal publications and quoted on issues ranging from financial empowerment to tax issues to child custody in national media.
Ms. Zeiderman, a Fordham University of Law graduate, also serves on two not for profit boards that benefit women and families: Savvy Ladies, Inc., and LIFT, Legal Information for Families Today.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
On this episode Rhonda talks to Elise Buie, an Attorney/Guardian ad Litem at Elise Buie Family Law group. Elise shares her story how she overcame obstacles, so the listeners could not only just get through, but to thrive through their divorce.
Elise shares advice to women going through a divorce:
- Don’t be afraid to “dig under the rug” and look at your finances
- Find an emotionally intelligent attorney who can see your potential
- You are so much more capable than you allow yourself to believe
Elise is empowering and reassuring women that they are capable of thriving after divorce, in every single way: personally, professionally, mentally, and financially. Divorce is a story of adversity, and her strength is helping people find and call upon their strength in times of adversity to transform themselves and their lives into something better.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our Guest today was Elise Buie, Founder of Elise Buie Family Law Group, PLLC, a Family Law Attorney, Guardian ad Litem. She’s a passionate, problem-solver who sees limitless possibilities rather than obstacles.
Her specialties are: Co-Parenting, Child-Centered Divorce, Parallel Parenting, High-Conflict Dispute Resolution, Substance Abuse issues, Domestic Violence, Power and Control Issues, Family Law, Prenuptial Agreements, Child Custody, Parenting Plans, Spousal Maintenance, Co-Parent Communication Coaching, Mediation, Collaborative Law, Guardian ad Litem, Juvenile Law, Small Business including Contract Preparation, Contract Review
Elise’s story:
“My story has been shaped by adversity, but determined by perseverance. I grew up in New Orleans, and never imagined that I would move away -- in fact, it took a natural disaster in the form of Hurricane Katrina to force me from my hometown. After a number of unexpected events, my husband and our four children landed in Georgia with only $150 in our pockets. Things only got worse: we soon found ourselves in massive trouble with the IRS, marking the beginning of a years-long struggle out of debt for our family. For me, it was the beginning of a years- long struggle out of a dead marriage and back into the workforce so that I could put my kids through college.
Eventually, I found myself remarried and moved to Seattle. I went from knowing nobody to opening and growing my family law firm into a multi-million dollar business. I’m debt-free today, and have put all of my kids through college. It is because of adversity, as much as it is because of my perseverance, that I am where I am today, and it is my greatest calling to help others find their new and independent life after periods of personal adversity, particularly divorce.”
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram | Youtube | Pinterest
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode Rhonda talks to Consuela Muñoz, CEO & Founder of Own Your Confidence, about identifying your strengths, so you could see them in action a lot more often. Taking the assessment can give you a boost to your confidence, and using your strengths with purpose can turn the volume down on the self-doubt. Also, it helps you focusing on the things you’re good at, so you can practice and get great at them over time.
Consuela shares some advice to women contemplating or going through a divorce:
- Every event in your life is an opportunity
- Divorce journey is a great opportunity for women to get reconnected with who they are
- Once you identify your strengths, you’ll see them in action a lot more often
Gallop Poll Strength Finder:
The Strengths Finder assessment tool helps identify the areas where you have the greatest potential for building strength. It measures recurring patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior.
Reading your strengths talents in black and white is powerful at confirming what you already know about what makes you amazing. It can also counteract some negative things you may have heard about your natural talents from an ex spouse or people close to you.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Consuela Muñoz, CEO & Founder, Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, and Confidence Queen Next Door.
Here’s how Consuela describes herself:
“I am crazy passionate about strengths and the StrengthsFinder assessment. I have been working with it unofficially for ten years and certified since 2018. I have coached groups of women and teams via the Strengths Based Leadership Program and strengths based team building events. In the past I worked in corporate in a variety of areas, from an analytical lab, safety, and learning and development, each with their own "unspoken rules of the game". I had jobs that were a joy to get up for, and jobs that were not. I believe strongly that you should be excited to get up for work each day.
My husband and I have three amazing teenagers. Our house is turning into quite the pet palace. We have two Pups, two Cockatiels, two Parakeets, and six Chickens (they have their own palace outside). We look forward to day we can return going out to the movies in a theater with all that movie popcorn.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
The Gallup Poll Strength Finder
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda talks to Marco Munoz, Co-Founder of DComply, about making your post-divorce life simpler with an amazing tool that provides a better process for working with an ex on shared parenting expenses.
Marco recommends:
- To have a process when it comes to finances
- Stay out of court
The biggest challenge around variable expenses is communication followed by administration. DComply App will help you with both of those challenges so you can avoid paying more for expenses than you should.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Marco Munoz, Co-Founder of DComply.
Marco is a divorced father that ended his marriage in 2005. From 2011-2016, Marco and his ex-wife relitigated his divorce over “phantom expenses” that his former claimed in order to dramatically increase child support. The experience taught him that family courts are ill equipped to adjudicate these decisions.
Divorced parents bring their own stories to court and judges don’t have the time or tools to sort through the financial transaction detail to make completely fact-based decisions. Marco realized that there is no reason that there shouldn’t be a digital fingerprint of two co-parents’ financial relationship. This compelled him to lean into his experience leading sales operations teams and selling financial accounting software to design DComply to be that single source of financial truth post-divorce. In addition to founding DComply with his wife Giovanna, Marco is a Regional Vice President with Oracle and has a 20+ years of experience in tech sales, sales operations and leadership.
He has a BA from Boston University and his MBA from the Johnson School at Cornell University.
Website | Instagram
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda talks to Seth Nelson, a Managing Partner of Nelson Koster Family Law, about knowing the questions to ask regarding parenting and financial issues women are facing during divorce.
A message from Seth to women going through divorce:
- Breathe - as easy as it sounds, remember to breathe. Realize that this is a legal process and you’re going to get through it
- Live your life, not your divorce
- Focus on what you’re getting instead of what you’re losing
PEACE stands for:
P - Parenting
E - Equitable distribution
A - Alimony
C - Child Support
E - Everything else
Preparing on time and asking the right questions makes divorce process much faster. PEACE provides the subject matter of those questions.
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Seth Nelson, a Managing Partner of Nelson Koster Family Law and Mediation. Seth has been practicing law for over 20 years and have focused exclusively on Family Law for over a dozen years. He has been very involved in a legal organization that focuses on Family Law. Seth is a certified Family Law Mediator and has acted as a mediator and/or represented clients at mediation in over 1000 cases.
He is also a fellow podcast host of “How to Split a Toaster: A divorce podcast about saving your relationships”.
Seth Nelson is a Tampa based family lawyer known for devising creative solutions to difficult problems.
“I have been through a divorce and have a young child. As difficult as the divorce process can be, especially when there are kids involved, things will get better,” he said when asked about the divorce process.
At Nelson Koster, the motto is “Helping good people through difficult times.” This is Mr. Nelson’s aim in every case, though how he works to achieve it varies greatly with each family’s unique situation.
From an early age, he has always wanted to help people. After law school he found that he could do the greatest good by helping people through one of the most difficult times of their lives. Being a divorcee himself, as well as a father, he understands what you’re going through.
Mr. Nelson focuses on Florida divorce law, Florida Family Law, and Florida Family Law Mediation. He earned his Juris Doctorate from the University of Florida’s College of Law. After law school, he clerked for the Honorable John C. Godbold, Senior Circuit Judge for the United States Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals.
Returning home to Tampa, he then worked for other Florida law firms before establishing his own practice in South Tampa. Since 2008, he has been the sole shareholder of Nelson Koster.
Mr. Nelson is a registered mediator with the Florida Supreme Court Family Mediator Association, and is currently a Member of the Executive Council for the Stann Givens Family Law Inns of Court. He also served as the Chair of the Family Law Section of the Hillsborough County Bar Association and continues to serve on its Executive Council. He has been given excellent ratings by Superlawyers and Avvo Ratings, and has been honored to receive Super Lawyer’s 2012 Rising Star award and 2014, 2015 2016, 2017 and 2018 Super Lawyer award.
Website | Podcast | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
On this episode Rhonda talks to Elizabeth Ann Atkins, a best-selling author, actress, TV host and award-winning journalist. Elizabeth shares her terrible divorce story and how she endured through vicious verbal abuse, to finally forgive herself and her ex, and find peace after 16 years of conflict for the sake of their son.
Elizabeth’s message to other women going through a divorce focuses on:
- Forgiveness
- Living bigger, better and bolder
- Find your inner Goddess
- Use your divorce experience to create the best version of yourself
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Elizabeth Ann Atkins, Emmy award nominated TV host, Bestselling Author and CEO of Two Sisters Writing & Publishing.
Her new book is Boss Up, Goddess: Start Living Your F*ing Potential, and she has a YouTube show exploring the contents of the book that aim to empower women.
She writes and publishes books and cohosts an Emmy-nominated TV show that focuses on mental health. In her career she has written more than 30 books.
Elizabeth holds an Undergraduate degree in English Literature from the University of Michigan, and Master’s in Journalism from Columbia University.
She was a guest on Oprah after losing 100 pounds and embarking on a super healthy lifestyle. Elizabeth is a Certified Intuitive Practitioner, leading a weekly meditation for people nationwide.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | Twitter
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
On this episode, Rhonda talks to Ashley E. Lillesand, a Managing Partner at Lillesand Law LLC, about estate planning women should do right after a divorce.
Ashley shares tips on how to get through a divorce and estate planning:
- It gets better
- The guardian and money handler for the children can be, but they don’t need to be one and the same person
- Do not be scared of the process
Estate Planning Basics:
-
Writing a Will
-
Naming Beneficiaries & Guardians
-
Financial Power of Attorney
-
Health Care Power of Attorney
-
Living Will
-
Trusts
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Ashley E. Lillesand, a Managing Partner at Lillesand Law LLC. She focuses her practice on Medicaid Planning, Estate & Trust Administration, Guardianship and Probate. Additionally, she receives appointments as a Guardian ad Litem in Milwaukee County for Guardianship and Probate cases.
She is a member of the Milwaukee Bar Association and the State Bar of Wisconsin – Real Property, Probate and Trust Law Section, Law Office Management Section and Solo/Small Firm Section. She earned her Bachelor of Arts degree from Marquette University and her Juris Doctorate from Marquette University Law School.
Prior to becoming an attorney, Ashley worked as the Guardianship Director for Easter Seals Kindcare -Corporate Guardian. She managed over 200 guardianship appointments and has extensive experience handling Medicaid eligibility and complex estates. She also has knowledge of issues surrounding Guardian of the Person responsibilities such as placement decisions and end of life issues. During her time as Guardianship Director, she served on the board of the Wisconsin Guardianship Association as Secretary and then as President, and she spoke at several WGA conferences.
Ashley lives in Hartland with husband Brian, three daughters and a son. Her family is an active member of St. Charles parish and school where her children attend. Her hobbies include riding horses, triathlons and golf.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda welcomes Laura Mael, Director of Talent and People Development at Pareto’s Talent, about the DISC assessment as a tool for determining personality styles.
Laura shares several tips on better communication:
- It will be ok. You will get through this. The most important thing is to be aware of during this time is how you are communicating.
- Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
- Communication is all about energy and the amount of energy it takes to communicate is enormous.
DISC stands for:
D - Dominance
I - Influence
S - Steady
C - Correctness
Understanding DISC allows you to determine your personality styles and personality styles of those around you so you could:
- Understand how people are different
- Develop confident self-awareness
- Modify your behavior based on the other person’s style
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Laura Mael, Director of Talent and People Development at Pareto’s Talent, a division of Lift Consulting.
By working directly with CEOs and their leadership teams, Laura seeks to partner with companies to identify their talent needs, provide support through sourcing, recruiting, and assessment of candidates, to make a measurable impact on the company’s bottom line.
Laura uncovered her passion for talent management and consulting when working as the Career Services Director for a local media school. While there she built a multi-channel department assisting individuals around the country in finding the media career of their dreams through her employer partnerships. Before joining Pareto’s Talent and Lift Consulting, founded her own career strategy company, Career Solutions by Laura, assisting individuals to craft their professional career stories and develop career packages to present to potential employers. Partnering with Lift Consulting has allowed her to expand services beyond individuals and add a full range of career strategy and recruitment offerings for business organizations as well.
Based in Wisconsin, Laura has worked with individuals and employers around the country. Her background spans 30 years and multiple industries including banking, insurance, consumer advocacy, non-profit, marketing/PR, and business strategy. When working with clients Laura’s focus is on being a partner they can trust and rely on and who is a committed to their success as they are. Clients enjoy working with Laura because of her insights, creativity, patience and perseverance.
When not working with clients, Laura enjoys time in the outdoors hiking, biking, and just about any water sport. A lifelong resident of the Madison, WI area she is an active member in multiple community organizations where she often speaks on a variety of topics including:
-
Talent Strategy
-
Career Development
-
Planning and Goal Setting
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda sits down to talk with Candy Leigh, the owner of Candy Leigh Coaching about the journey to worthy.
Candy shares 3 Key Takeaways to help women find their way back from divorce:
- Reclaim your self-worth
- Declutter your space
- Take action by journaling
Candy also gives a bonus tip about building a “team” around you to support you on your journey!
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guests today was Candy Leigh, Owner of Candy Leigh Coaching, LLC; Author, Finding Life In Between; certified: mediator, coach, trainer, change management professional.
In 2019 her entire world was thrown upside down when, after a massive spinal surgery, Candy was laid off from her corporate job of 20 years. As a divorced, single mom who carried health insurance, this created a significant jolt in her life. She spent a lot of time reflecting, and decided to write a book.
Candy left on a road trip with the goal of talking to others to learn their journey, but instead, it forced her to spend massive time in self-reflection and solitude. What she wrote became a journal of radical truth telling, her journey to worthy, and I believe that, if we started sharing our truths, we will find pieces of our stories within each other. The return from the trip was the reawakening of her purpose and confidence. After going back to corporate on contract, and getting laid off again, Candy finally listened to what the universe was telling her and began her own coaching business, focusing on empowering women.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda sits down to talk with Divorce Recovery Specialist Wendy Sterling with The Divorce Rehab about how you can make your divorce process the most empowering experience that you can go through!
Wendy had some amazing tips to share, and here are just a few:
- Don't try to navigate the process alone
- Be aware of your thoughts & take out the judgement
- Division of Assets
Get your pen and paper together for this one!
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guests today was Wendy Sterling, a Divorce Recovery Specialist who runs & founded The Divorce Rehab.
Establishing her career as a top-level advertising sales executive in the digital space, at the world’s most progressive social and lifestyle website brands (such as Who What Wear and Refinery29), Wendy Sterling had it all… successful career, two beautiful children, and a (seemingly) devoted husband. But after enduring a traumatic and unexpected divorce, Wendy’s entire world was rocked to its core. And it was in that dark moment when she decided to screw the “poor me” attitude, and allow her sass to emerge alongside her class.
Leveraging decades of experience as a mentor, problem-solver and strategic thinker, Wendy followed her heart and rebooted her career. After endless training she transformed her mission into being a Divorce Recovery Specialist … with the goal of helping divorced women to put an end to their pity party and recreate post-divorce YOU 2.0. Wendy provides a tough-love approach to push her clients to rediscover their dormant mojo and inner bad ass selves.
Through her wildly successful The Divorce Rehab™ program, alongside the supportive community she’s built, Wendy not only helps countless women push through the pain of their divorce, but with her help, they become their most confident, positive, energetic and sassiest selves yet!
Wendy currently lives in Sherman Oaks, CA with her two amazing boys, 13 and 10 and their dog, Max.
Website | Facebook | Instagram | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rhonda sits down to talk with Family Law Attorney Russell Knight about what he thinks are the most important things to consider before filing for divorce.
He had some amazing tips and advice about filing for divorce, and some secrets to make things run smoothly.
Here's a sneak peek with some of Russell's tips on what to consider when filing:
- Parenting time
- Child Support
- Alimony
- Division of Assets
Get your pen and paper together for this one!
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guests today was Russell Knight, a family law attorney with the Law Office of Russell D. Knight.
Russell Knight was born in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan, Canada. His family moved to the United States in 1991.
Russell Knight attended Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois and graduated in 2000 with a Bachelor of Science in Business Computers Systems.
After two years working as a computer programmer for a Fortune 50 company, Russell Knight decided that he’d rather work with people than machines and he enrolled in the University of Illinois College of Law in Urbana, Illinois.
Upon graduating from the University of Illinois College of Law in 2006, Russell Knight began working for a small general practice law firm in Chicago, Illinois. The majority of the clientele at this law firm were Spanish speaking so Russell spent his free time during this period learning Spanish.
After three years of doing every imaginable hearing and pleading, in 2009, Russell opened The Law Office of Russell D. Knight.
Russell Knight has always focused on Family and Divorce law. Russell’s interest in family law is proven by the hundreds of articles that Russell, personally, writes about the subject on this website.
Russell is licensed to practice law in Florida and Illinois. Russell maintains a practice in both states and has a full staff of attorneys and paralegals in both Chicago, Illinois and Naples, Florida.
Russell Knight enjoys learning new languages, running, and cooking in his spare time.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn
Email Russell: russell@rdklegal.com
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI, CDFA®
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Beth sits down to talk with Rhonda about navigating business and entrepreneurship while contemplating or going through divorce.
She had a lot of great advice for our listeners, but a few items that she mentioned are:
- Just take that step!
- Build your team (and surround yourself with them)
- Rely on your intention
- Have a plan
Prepare to BE INSPIRED!
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guests today was Beth Crowell, owner and founder of The Hippie Banker. Here is a bit about Beth, in her own words:
"I have been through a divorce -- and have been able to remain friends with my ex-husband. It was a very healthy divorce and am so grateful for that. After coming out of my own divorce, it has always broken my heart hearing my friends (and sometimes acquaintances) share with me their unhappiness in their own marriages, but feeling stuck and unable to make a change. In fact, when I first left my job to become a life coach, I had intended to focus on helping women through divorce, but divine guidance led me down another path! However, being involved with the WFWC allows me to bring it back in, to which I am very grateful.
Business ownership is a way that women can gain control over their finances, and feel empowered to take control over their destinies. Being reliant on a spouse's income can be a very strong hook that exacerbates the fear associated with leaving a marriage. With my background as a commercial lender, consultant for the Small Business Development Center at UW-Eau Claire, instructor for the Women's Business Center at Western Dairyland, and my deep spiritual base, I can help guide women through not only the technical aspects of starting a business, but also through the fears and limiting beliefs that often hold us back from pursuing what we know deep down inside is right for us.
Website | Facebook | LinkedIn
Email Rob: beth@thehippiebanker.com
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Rob shares some great tips regarding mortgages and debt during divorce, and what to think about during the process.
Some highlights:
- Get a good idea of what will transpire with your joint debt
- Refinance or sell your home so that your name is off the debt (if your ex-spouse is keeping the home)
- Get a copy of your credit reports (freecreditreport.com is a good place to start)
Be prepared to take notes!
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guests today was Mortgage Lender Rob Miller with ProVisor.
As a Senior Mortgage Officer at ProVisor, Rob has been serving the Madison area for over 18 years. He has focused his attention on providing his customers with an easy, painless loan process. Rob strives to not only complete your loan but make sure you are educated and informed throughout the entire loan process. One of his firm beliefs is handling each customer independently of the next, providing knowledge, accountability and “World Class Service”. Since buying a home is one of the most important decisions of a customer’s life, Rob and his staff want to make sure it is as smooth and enjoyable as possible. Website | Facebook
Email Rob: rob@provisor.com
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, James shares seven tips to getting through divorce, from finances to wellness.
Some highlights:
- Make it about you
- Understand your rights
- Put your wellness first
- Find your support group
- Let go of the guilt
- Get organized
- Reach out
Be prepared to take notes!
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guests today was Family Attorney James Quigley of Beermann Law in Chicago, IL.
It was a competitive spirit and desire to make an impact in others lives that led James Quigley to pursue a career within law. After putting himself through college and law school, James worked tirelessly building his reputation within the industry and founding his own successful law practice before merging Quigley and Associates, PC with Beermann LLP in 2005. Now with over 27 years of experience, James set himself apart with his experience coupled with his focus on honesty and objectivity. He is extremely sensitive to each client's situation, especially the emotion and pain that typically accompanies a divorce. This objectivity has allowed James to successfully deliver on clients' requests and needs, leading him to become an extremely sought after attorney in the state of Illinois.
Website | Facebook
Email James: jmquigley@beermannlaw.com
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Michael shares some great ways to make co-parenting easy, including how you can accomplish this through the Fayr app. Fayr stands for: Family Advocacy is Your Responsibility.
Some highlights:
- It is IMPORTANT to stay organized throughout the divorce process;
- Fayr makes it easy to see who owes what with expenses, and helps balance things out;
- You are able to "check in" with a date and time stamp at important locations - driven by GPS;
- You can use Fayr alone, or with your co-parent;
- Fayr will NEVER sell your user data - they understand the information that you share may be private
Be prepared to take notes!
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guests today was Michael Daniels, CEO of Fayr.
Fayr was born out of two desires: to become a better co-parent, and to make the experience of co-parenting better.
After his separation, Michael found it a constant challenge to be the best, most present father he could be. The time he wanted to spend focused on his children was instead taken up by tedious documentation, scheduling and preparing for court.
Why wasn't there an alternative to this time consuming, anxiety producing way co-parents were forced interact?
Enter Fayr. Our app encompasses the whole range of co-parents needs - financial, documentation, geo pinpointing, scheduling, communication - for the entire time you're co-parenting.
What makes us different? At Fayr, it's not just about efficiency and ease (though we love those). We also help you create a better co-parenting experience by providing tools for: constructive communication, argument diffusion, and emotional support.
FAYR.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter
Email Michael: michael@fayr.com
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Christopher and Nicholas gives us some insider tips regarding the importance of refinancing your auto loan, even if you think you got a good rate.
They had some great tips, and here are just a few of them:
- Be sure to do your research when shopping for a car;
- Through their website, you can have a soft pull of your credit to see how you can qualify for a lower rate;
- Try and pre-approve before you even walk into the dealership, so you know what rate you qualify for
Be prepared to take notes!
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guests today was Christopher Coleman & Nicholas Hinrichsen, Co-owners of WithClutch.com in Tempe AZ.
We believe in financial fairness and equality. America is our community and we are here to bring all of us together again. Everyone deserves a chance.
WithClutch
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Divorce Conversations For Women (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Freddie gives us some tips regarding staying safe physically and mentally during quarantine.
- Make sure you keep a good support system around you who you can communicate with during this time;
- Try not to disrupt your routine;
- Establish tools to protect your email, social media, and other apps you may use;
Those aren't all of the tools that Freddie shared with me during this interview, give it a listen and be prepared to take notes!
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Freddie Harris, Owner-Chief Instructor at Badger Krav Maga in Madison, WI.
Badger Krav Maga offers self-defense training and security consultation to civilian, corporate & law enforcement clients.Through education and training members will gain an increased awareness of common threats and how to defend against them. The training approach of Badger Krav Maga embodies three core concepts: mind, body and law. Members will gain a defensive mindset to refuse being a victim. They will understand and develop the body mechanics necessary for effective self-defense. And they will possess a basic comprehension of governing self-defense statutes that support them.
Badger Krav Maga | Facebook
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Courageous Contemplation (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Jeanne gives us some tips to prepare your credit during & after divorce
- Pull your credit reports from all three credit bureaus via annualcreditreport.com
- Look at each report & highlight things that were joint accounts and close them
- Find any mistakes or charges you do not recognize
- Have access to credit to build it back up (Jeanne gives us a few tools to do this)
- Open a secure credit card or secure loan
- Find out your FICO Score at myficoscore.com
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Jeanne Kelly
Jeanne Kelly is a nationally recognized voice in credit consulting. In addition to serving her clients in their efforts to improve their credit scores, Jeanne has been sought out by real estate professionals, mortgage analysts and journalists for her thoughts and advice on how to best manage your credit portfolio in an ever-changing financial landscape.
TKG Inc | Facebook
Email Jeanne: Jeannekelly@kgroupconsulting.com
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Courageous Contemplation (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Andy walks us through his story of divorce, and offers us 3 things that he has learned:
- Pick & choose your battles
- Find a common enemy or a common ally
- Don't communicate over the phone - use email or text
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Andy Weins
Experienced Sergeant First Class with a demonstrated history of working in the military industry. Skilled in Sales, Management, Training, Subcontracting, and Resiliency. Strong community and social services professional with a Bachelor of Science (B.S.) focused in Business and Management from Cardinal Stritch University.
Green Up Solutions | LinkedIn
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Courageous Contemplation (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, we discuss trusting your intuition.
- We will share some tips on how you can hear your intuition.
- Your intuition doesn't stop when we fail or screw up or "do it wrong" or life isn't going where we thought it should - No shame! No blame!
- Your intuition is lovingly leading you- even when you aren't loving yourself. It loves your kids and you and will show you the way - this is a journey of forgiving yourself. You learned this behavior - we all did. So be easier on yourself and you'll be able to hear that still, small voice easier. Tell yourself what you need to hear right now.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Welcome to this episode of the Divorce Conversations for Women. I'm your host, Rhonda Noordyk. You know there's one common thread facing women that are contemplating divorce, and it's that we don't know what we don't know, right? And so, I want to make sure to help you ask the tough questions so that you get the answers that you need.
Rhonda Noordyk:
In today's episode, we are going to dive into the topic of INTUITION, which is something that I think women really need to learn how to tap into and trust a little bit. So I'm so excited about our topic for today. This episode is sponsored by Courageous Contemplation. It is my online course for helping women navigate through the divorce process, so be sure to check out womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/events. So, I am here today with Cyrina and I want to just thank you so much for joining us.
Cyrina Talbott:
Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to share this.
Rhonda Noordyk:
So, I know that people can certainly reach out to you. We're going to include all of your contact information and all the good things about you. But I just want to get started in our conversation today about intuition. And let's just start by saying, if a woman came to you and said, "Gosh, you know I really feel like I need to make a decision or something just doesn't feel right or whatever." Like let's just talk about, if you could tell them one thing, right, what would that one thing be?
Cyrina Talbott:
I think the thing that's the hardest is to trust yourself. You know? And as I was thinking about this too... when you're going through divorce, that's really hard. That's a really big ask because maybe you're looking at this whole situation that you're finding yourself in and going, "okay. Well, I don't know how to trust myself. I made this decision and it didn't work out." Or a lot of times when anything is falling apart, whether it's a business or marriage or our health or whatever it is, we're kind of, life is showing us areas that do need to change.
Cyrina Talbott:
And even if your partner is hugely at fault, there may be some things you're seeing like, "Oh, okay, I did that." You know where you're responsible. And in light of that, still being able to trust yourself even if you're feeling bad or even if you're realizing there's things or patterns that are needing to change or whatever.
Cyrina Talbott:
But it's so important to trust your intuition and trust yourself because there are no rules. I mean, there are no rules about divorce, whether you should do this with your finances or that with your in-laws or that with your kids. Like there are no rules. Everybody's situation is so different and so unique that you're really the one that can decide.
Cyrina Talbott:
And so, you can take all the advice from everybody, but at the end of the day, it's you and to really, my encouragement is to trust that and be like, "Yeah, I'm, I'm not going to defer this to all the people I think are smarter than me. This is me, my family, my kids, my life." And just feel a little bit like, "Yeah, I can do this." Even if everything's falling apart, that's okay.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Well, and I think to your point, I think a lot of times in situations where women have spent years, sometimes decades squelching their intuition, I think it takes time for us to gain the confidence like, "Oh my gosh, I was right." Or, "Man, I should have listened to this gut feeling that I had several years ago, sometimes decades ago."
Rhonda Noordyk:
And so, I think there's this aspect of getting reacquainted with our intuition, right? And maybe testing it in small ways to help build our confidence so that then when we do feel like, "You know what, gosh, that's right." I mean, it's interesting because I think guys do such a better job at this. I mean, many of my male colleagues, if you were to ask them what's your key for business? It's like, "I trust my gut. If I get a bad sense from somebody, I'm not working with them."
Rhonda Noordyk:
So like for women, if you're interviewing attorneys and you're like, "I don't know. I didn't really get a good vibe but everybody says they're really great so I'm going to work with them." No, your gut told you in the very beginning there was something not right.
Cyrina Talbott:
Exactly. Like exactly how you just processed it. Is like, I don't know. Own that. That's your intuition talking to you. And yeah, I think guys do it better because they're encouraged to and we're supposed to be nice. I don't want to hurt their feelings. Well, hurt their feelings. When I talk to women, they're like, "I don't want to be..." Use a swear word but like a brat. I'm like actually, "Do that more. That's a really good thing to do."
Cyrina Talbott:
And like you said, guys are fine with it, but it's where we want to be nice and we don't want to hurt feelings. We don't want to make waves and it's real and it's practice. I help my clients practice because it's really like learning a different language. You have this part of you that, like you said, maybe you've been denying forever. Maybe you've been trying to be nice and make everybody else happy, and it's learning this part of you and how it communicates is exactly that. You just don't feel right and you don't have to explain it to anyone. And you don't have to be nice if you don't feel right.
Cyrina Talbott:
And you can do it in a polite way, you can just be like, "Well, I'm going to look and see what my other options are." It's simple, but trust that and do that.
Rhonda Noordyk:
For sure. Right. Well, and I think with all, when we look at the divorce process, a lot of the women, if you're listening today and you're like, "Oh my gosh, I'm still in that contemplation stage. I haven't officially made a decision or maybe a year in the midst of it, you're like, "Oh my gosh, I should have listened to my intuition in the beginning because now I'm in a spot where I'm overwhelmed or whatever."
Rhonda Noordyk:
I think just being aware that A, we need to tap into that and B not to feel bad if we haven't tapped into it in the past because each situation's going to be different. So it's like, well, we can't change the fact that you should have listened to your intuition 20 years ago, but what can we do about that now?
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah.
Rhonda Noordyk:
You know.
Cyrina Talbott:
And that's the other thing I really want to share about your intuition is it isn't a jerk. It's like how you would respond to your best friend. So a lot of times we think our intuition is like, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe you did that. You're such an idiot." And our intuition isn't doing that. Or isn't going well, I told you so. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it. It's always kind.
Cyrina Talbott:
And how would you respond to your best friend? So let's pretend roles are reversed. It's your best friend coming to you. Maybe they've done something that's legit dumb. Are you going to be like, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe you did that again." Like just get away. You know you're going to encourage them. You're going to look for the positive side of it, the thing they did right. Or you're just going to be like, "Oh my gosh," and give him a hug. That's what our intuition does.
Cyrina Talbott:
And it's just something that we don't talk about, we don't practice and we don't do and we have to learn. So yes, absolutely you can practice. I love that you said practice with little things because sometimes we bring this like, "Should I move across the country or stay here intuition?"
Cyrina Talbott:
And it's like gambling or rolling the dice and we're like, "Oh, I think I heard a yes." And then it doesn't work out and we say, "Oh, I'm horrible at that. I'll never do it again." And it's like, "No, just listen." This voice is kind, and chill, and always with you, and leading you and you can just start tuning in and listening because it's there.
Cyrina Talbott:
And I really believe women are way better once they start to do this again or practice, I think women do have all those feelings. We're just quick to ignore.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah. Or we second guess it like, I mean if we look at Mel Robbins in her 5 Second Rule, which I'm sure most people have heard of and if not, they'll have to check it out as it's awesome, right? But in that 5 seconds, we have five seconds to say, "Okay, am I going to trust this or not?" And then we either talk ourselves and we just do it or we talk ourselves out of it.
Cyrina Talbott:
So, like what I do with people is I work with their subconscious when I'm doing rapid transformational therapy with people and it's like all these answers are here. And when you're doing that quick decision like that, when you just get a hit, some people call it, or you get a nudge, or you're being led to do something, right. It's your intuition. And if you stay in that and just do it, that's going to be a good thing. Instead of getting up in your conscious mind and being logical and talking yourself out of it and how much is this going to cost and blah, blah, blah.
Cyrina Talbott:
You know, all those things that she's saying don't do that. Just stick with that part of you that knows and is leading you right where you need to be.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah, for sure. Well, so we've teed up, just some really great candid conversation around trusting your intuition. Let's talk about some tips. So if you're listening today, like yes, you can hear your intuition, but what are some tips on how to do that?
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah, absolutely. So number one is practice. Don't expect to just be a genius at this to start. And practice with smaller things, but really just start tuning into this thing that's with you all the time throughout your day in little ways where you have maybe an inclination to call somebody or look something up or go in a certain direction. Practice that and have it be where it's not life or death and it's not like I'm good at this or bad at this. Have it be practice.
Cyrina Talbott:
Expect that you're not going to be fabulous at it to start if you have no experience with it. The other thing is our intuition talks to us in different ways. Some people journal, they journal all the time, everything and they get a lot of downloads that way. Some people it's if they're meditating or walking, like if you're taking a bath or talking to a friend, praying, but it's also, it's just that pause.
Cyrina Talbott:
It's anything we're doing where we're getting our mind to slow down a little bit, like breathing or not just letting that conversation in your mind go and go and go and go, whatever you do to slow that down or stop it. Some people dance, listen to music, whatever that is.
Cyrina Talbott:
Exercising for sure to be able to pause and listen, whatever that looks like for you. And you'll also know in the past when you just knew, there will be times when you just knew and you'll know, did you feel that in your stomach? Did you feel it in your heart? Did you have the whole body knowing? Was it while you were journaling where you just had clarity about something? Do you need to talk to yourself out loud? Like three things.
Cyrina Talbott:
And the other thing is really knowing that you can hear. There's nobody on the planet that's broken where they can't hear from their intuition. But I think sometimes we think we are. Like, "Oh yeah, I tried that and it didn't work. That works for other people. That's woo woo." But understand you can and as you're in this mess of either being in the middle of divorce or all the pain and agony at initiating it, right? If you're contemplating it, know that your intuition is absolutely going to lead you and guide you in the mess part too.
Cyrina Talbott:
So, you don't have to be perfectly chilled out, calm, meditating to hear from this, it's going to lead you in those times. And I think leads us more in those times when we are making hard decisions or going through a hard shift in our lives. A lot of times the shift is like, even though it seems like such a bad thing, it ends up being such a good thing. So much growth and learning and healing comes in those times, you can absolutely hear in the middle of a mess.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah, absolutely. And I think women really use the divorce journey as an opportunity of self-discovery and that reconnection with their intuition and reconnection with things that have brought them joy in the past or things that they enjoyed doing or whatever. Right?
Cyrina Talbott:
Absolutely.
Rhonda Noordyk:
And so, I think this is a perfect time for women to be thinking about this kind of stuff. And again, just really relying on those kinds of gut feelings that, hey, something just doesn't feel right or this feels off or whatever. Because the divorce process in and of itself is very impersonal I guess. I mean, you're going through a process where the attorneys, this is pretty much what they do all day long. Some do a better job of others then it's not just a case or a file that it's actually somebody's life.
Cyrina Talbott:
Whole life.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Like their whole life.
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah, wow.
Rhonda Noordyk:
And so, they do this a lot and certainly, I mean, they aren't thinking about necessarily like, "Hey, what is your intuition telling you?" I mean, you might just be in those meetings where something feels off and you maybe have to ask questions or step away or whatever. And so, having the awareness of this now, even before you start the process can be really, really valuable because you are going to have to tap into it.
Rhonda Noordyk:
And I also think, when you can have your intuition in combination with a good team of people that can come alongside and support you through this process, it's going to be really, really valuable for you because divorce often is going to be the most difficult thing that you've gone through or will go through. Most of the women that I talk to say, I would never want my worst enemy to have to go through this. It was awful, terrible, horrible. Right?
Rhonda Noordyk:
Now knowing that, how do we make it a little less terrible, horrible, right? Like how can we help women come out of it so they are stronger, and empowered, and have more clarity, and aren't beating themselves up for all the things that they should have done before, during, or after the marriage?
Rhonda Noordyk:
So, I think the intuition part is a really important part and you have tapped into some great tips on that. Let's talk about that it doesn't have to stop when we feel like we've done something wrong or that life isn't going where we thought it should go. Let's talk a little bit about that.
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah. I think sometimes there's this idea, and I even as you're saying, we're using, listen to your intuition. But if you're in a meeting, just say, "I have some questions about this." This isn't something you have to be, "Well, my intuition said," because people are just going to dismiss you, totally. They're going to think you're nuts.
Cyrina Talbott:
So yeah, when we are in a place where we're looking at the mistakes we made or like I said, you're in this place of having it be a mess. Start listening. So, here's what I wanted to share about the voice of your intuition is kind. And it is there for your best interest. It isn't there to make you pay or learn your lessons or punish you or like I said, like told you so. It's there to encourage you in this time.
Cyrina Talbott:
Look, you're a human, we all make mistakes. There is no time in your life where you write yourself off and you put this big failure on you. But during divorce is what you want to do. You just want to say, "well, I screwed up. I'm a failure." Maybe you're not feeling like you deserve a good thing. Maybe you're watching how this is affecting your family or your kids and you're like, "Oh my gosh." And you're just beating yourself up.
Cyrina Talbott:
So, it's an invitation to let yourself off the hook. It's an invitation to be kind to yourself and it's an invitation to allow love into this area and know that you absolutely can hear this voice and that it's going to lead you. That it's not beating you up. And so you have your days, right? Like you said, the divorce lawyer, this is just their nine to five job and then they go home at night.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yep.
Cyrina Talbott:
So your divorce lawyer and other people in your life that you're dealing with this, it isn't personal and this isn't what, it's just their job and it's not their whole life in their heart and everything, but it is yours. And so, the other thing about your intuition is it knows, it's there with you when you're making dinner, when the kids need help with their schoolwork, when you're going to bed alone.
Cyrina Talbott:
There's this humanity there that I think we can write ourselves off as a failure or that I don't, I should do this by myself, like you're saying, and not allow that support, right? You need a team. You need to walk through this with actual humans on the outside, but allow the support within yourself that's there, allow it in. Start listening. No, I want to tell you it's there first of all.
Cyrina Talbott:
And then allow it to tell you what you need to say, the conversations that you need to have. Allow it to encourage you, to lead you and not beat yourself up so much.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah.
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah, absolutely. And one of the things I was thinking of too, Cyrina was, for my clients as I'm working with them, if I had somebody that came to me and said, "Hey Rhonda, I'm just really feeling like whatever," we could pick any kind of as a situation, right? Like this just feels a little bit off to me. I'm not exactly sure how to handle it. I feel like I need to maybe go a different direction with somebody on my team, like whatever.
Rhonda Noordyk:
I am open to having those conversations and if somebody said, "Hey, my intuition is really telling me that maybe I need to switch attorneys, for example." I'm like, okay, well let's explore that. Right? I will never tell them to do something that is opposite of their intuition. I honor that right now. We will deal with whatever needs to get dealt with to either make that transition or make that shift or whatever. But I'm not afraid to have those conversations and to honor that that's maybe the direction that they want to go with part of the divorce process or whatever it is, right?
Rhonda Noordyk:
Because there's going to be a lot of decisions along the way that I feel like when you have at least one person on your team that's going to understand that piece of it, I can help facilitate the conversation around those decisions. Right?
Cyrina Talbott:
I like that. It's so valuable and it's so honoring to the human that has to have this affect their whole life. Yeah.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah.
Cyrina Talbott:
Absolutely.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah, for sure. Because it's a big decision and I'm not in every single conversation. I'm certainly in a lot of them, right? But I'm helping facilitate and guide and make the right introductions and put the right people in front of them and help them navigate through all the pieces. I mean, my business is really set up to be the one-stop-shop. So, no matter where they're at in the process, I can help them navigate through finding the right people, asking the right questions, getting the clarity that they need or whatever.
Rhonda Noordyk:
But having that two-way communication with your team is going to be really important because we can't read your mind.
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah. Yeah. It's so important. And like I said before, some people are like, it's life or death or do or die. And it can just be like, "Oh, I have a question. I was wondering about that, or could we look at this a different way?" So let's say your intuition, this was the other thing I wanted to talk about is a lot of times we get a nudge or a knowing or a gut feeling from our intuition and then we stop. And it's like a no. And I really encourage people to stay in it long enough to be like, "Okay, what's the next step?"
Cyrina Talbott:
Sit with that long enough. If it's saying don't do that or question that, or you just have a knowing like, "Okay, don't go in that direction, sit there a while, and then listen, and then you're going to get more information. I think a lot of times people kind of do it half-baked where they get something and then they just run with it or stop it or whatever. Sit in it and keep listening because you're going to get more guidance, more knowledge.
Cyrina Talbott:
And like you said, bring it to your team, flash it out. See where it goes. And it's okay if you screw it up here too, like that's not a big deal. You're practicing and you're learning and you're never going to get to the point where you stop hearing, can't hear anymore and screw it all up and make irreversible damage. There's always going to be a fix or a U-turn or like a plan B, you know, it's fine.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Right, right. Well, and I think the other thing too is a lot of times women we process based on the information that we have. And so, sometimes it, like you said, it is a matter of, "Okay, perhaps I need more information. Maybe I need to ask more questions to be able to get some clarity on what direction to go." And so, I had a lady I was talking to today on the phone and she's like, "Rhonda, my husband filed, I don't really have access to money. I've moved to a different state. I'm going to have to file in the state that we're living in. I don't feel like I have access to money. I don't think I can get a credit card, blah, blah, blah."
Rhonda Noordyk:
And I said, "Okay, what are the facts around that? What's your credit score?" "Well, I don't really know." "Okay. Well, that might be a good place for us to start." Right? And then she's like, "Okay. Well, I don't know that I could retain an attorney." "Well, okay. Have we had some conversations around that?" I think sometimes we don't explore things the way that we can because like in this particular case, this relationship has been abusive for five or six years.
Rhonda Noordyk:
So, she's not used to hearing that stuff or hearing... I'm like, "Let's just get the facts, right? Like, if you don't know what your credit score is and you don't know if indeed you've been denied for a credit card and your bank might not be able to help you, but have we had those conversations? Right? So, then you go out, you look at the banks, you look at the credit unions and maybe you walk in and you're like, "Okay, I just got a really good sense about this one. I can't put my finger on it, but I feel like this group might be the one to be able to help me." And then you explore it from there. Right?
Rhonda Noordyk:
So, there's just so many good examples of how this can help guide and direct. But I do feel like trust your intuition, trust your gut feeling, and then also get some additional facts around it too.
Cyrina Talbott:
Absolutely. And I think our intuition will lead us to that as well. But with the example that you just shared, you have somebody with that negative. You've just got this negative, maybe someone making them feel stupid or incompetent and it's just running. And a lot of times our voice lines up with that and then we run the program even when the person is nowhere near us, we're running that.
Cyrina Talbott:
And I help people with those subconscious programming, but it's imparting, a kind voice. So it's especially necessary for that person. And right, there's so much shame around this and how could I ever do this? Or how could I have not seen or why did it take so long? Whatever we're doing to beat ourselves up, if that's running, this is an invitation to start running a better program.
Cyrina Talbott:
Start saying, a big part of rapid transformational therapy is saying, "I am enough." Like just the way you are. I am enough, even though I'm going through this divorce, I'm enough. I'm valuable just as I am. But then understanding that's how your intuition is going to talk to you too. It's going to be kind and lead you to things and encourage you to trust yourself, encourage you to ask questions, encourage you to learn.
Cyrina Talbott:
You are not stupid; you are not incompetent. That's the first thing to stop doing is even if that's been in your head for 10 years, do your best to be aware of that and catch yourself when you're saying that and switch it to something better.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah, for sure. Well, I have another thought related to the journaling aspect of listening to your intuition, but I want to take a quick break and then we will come back and we'll talk about that and wrap up our conversation about trusting your intuition. And then I want you to share a client success story and your favorite quote. So we will be right back.
Cyrina Talbott:
Thank you.
Rhonda Noordyk:
All right, so I am so excited that you are participating in the Divorce Conversations for Women podcast. If you haven't had a chance to check out https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/courses. You want to make sure that you check out our Courageous Contemplation course. This is designed specifically for women that are in that, should I stay or should I go? And it's going to provide you with information about the divorce process, clarity around things that you should be thinking about and how to design the best possible scenario for your divorce process.
Rhonda Noordyk:
All right. So let's get back at it here. So I was thinking about the journaling part. And anytime I have an opportunity to share this nugget I love to because, and I can't take full credit for it, but I love to share it. And that is one of my dear friends who was with me when I first started my business had gone through divorce. And it was an ugly, nasty divorce and she at the time was working in the Dove Care industry, right?
Rhonda Noordyk:
So here she is dealing with her own stuff, really having to come in and be present in dealing with people that have just lost a loved one. And she is one of the most positive people I have ever met. And I said, "How do you do that? Tell me a little bit about your strategy." And she goes, "Rhonda, you know what, it's actually kind of simple."
Rhonda Noordyk:
But she said, "I have two different journals. I have a black one and I have a very colorful one." And she said, "The black one, anytime I was having some negative thoughts or beating myself up and I knew I was going to be going in to meet with a family, I would take that journal out and just get it all out. And then I would move over to the colored one and I would start writing the positive stuff in there."
Rhonda Noordyk:
And she said, "And pretty soon I was writing less in the black one and more in the positive one." And eventually, then she either destroyed the black one, whatever. But just that tangible like okay, separating the negative thoughts and the positive ones allowed her to be able to be the best that she could be in a situation where she had to be.
Rhonda Noordyk:
When somebody has lost a loved one, for you to come in and say, "Yeah, I'm going through divorce and it's really yucky and messy," That's not fair to them, right? And it's not fair to you. So deal with that stuff. Find a strategy that works for you. But that one, as far as the journaling, if you're somebody who likes to write stuff down, that could be a really great strategy for you.
Cyrina Talbott:
I love it. Yeah. And another thing that people do is they'll write down like what's the lie and what's the truth. If you're just hearing in your head all the time, "I'm stupid, I'm stupid, I'm stupid," write that down and then it's in a different journal that's colorful. I totally love that.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Right?
Cyrina Talbott:
But write down some things you've done that are intelligent. There's going to be a list. And that's the truth. You're valuable. You are intelligent, you are good. And the other thing is beating yourself up even though it is like what is the most comment? What is happening in this time? You can't help it, right? When you're going through this, but it's not helpful.
Cyrina Talbott:
So, the more you can find different tricks, tools, whatever works for you, like happy music or whatever it is, the more you can stop that and realize, "Okay, that's not real. That's not who I really am." It's of course in this situation, of course, that's what you're going to feel like doing. But the more you can detach in little ways, in any way that you can, absolutely. The better.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I just posted on Facebook right before the weekend and said, "Hey, for those of you that have gone through divorce or are going through divorce, music can be super powerful. So what's your go-to song? Right? Whether it was like some of them were like... One lady was like, "I listen to musicals." The other folks were like, "I'm listening to Lizzo and Kesha and you know... Or I'm listening to harder music or I'm listening to jazz.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Like it was everybody kind of there... I don't think there were any duplicates. And I had probably like 60 some comments on that one post. Right? All across the board. And so, they found that song that helped their go-to song and then probably after the divorce was over they were like, "I don't really want to listen to that song ever again." But finding those outlets that can help you gain some strength, some support, and some clarity as you're going through this process.
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah, absolutely.
Rhonda Noordyk:
So, one last thing that I wanted to wrap up here. So we've talked about tips on how to be able to hear your intuition. The fact that you know, practice, right? There's no shame, there's no blame, just start walking and listening to your gut. And then the last one is remembering that it's leading you, lovingly leading you through life and to be a little more aware when we hear that still small voice to honor it.
Rhonda Noordyk:
And so, I love that. So as we wrap up our time together, I always like to end with two key things. One is a client success story. And then the last thing is your favorite quote. And I've had a chance to read a little bit through your client success story and I feel like it's really going to resonate with the women that are listening.
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah. And as I work with people that's just, it's a huge thing to shift that beating yourself up. But yeah, I had a client in an abusive relationship so she came to me because she wanted, she actually was like, "I want help in my marriage," and it was emotionally abusive. And so, a little bit about my backstory is my dad was physically and emotionally abusive, and in other ways to me, I have two little brothers and a little sister.
Cyrina Talbott:
And my mom was so brave, and she left him when I was six. And so, and I know she had so much guilt about my brothers and growing up without a dad and all that stuff. But I know as an adult now that was the best thing she ever did for us. So, if that encourages you at all. But, so what she would say is she would say in a heartbeat, the emotional abuse was worse than the physical abuse.
Cyrina Talbott:
So, this client was in an emotionally abusive relationship. Her husband was cheating on her and she came to me to fix herself so she could win him back. In my head, I was like, "Heck no." But so she was mad at this woman who "stole her husband" and was wanting that relation to stop so they could just go back to normal. And when I worked with her, she was able to start to value herself and to understand like this wasn't about some other woman "taking her husband" like what the heck was her husband doing with that other woman? He was dishonoring her, he was hurting the family, he was causing the problems.
Cyrina Talbott:
And so, it was that shift once she could own her value more to say, "Oh, okay. This is not a competition between me and that other person. This is like, okay, what's my husband doing that's hurting our family? And to understand she didn't deserve to be treated that way. Like that conversation, she didn't deserve to have that on the table. She deserved to have a guy who loved her and that wasn't even an option or a possibility.
Cyrina Talbott:
And so, she started working and understand we don't have to earn other people's love. It's really about loving ourself. And I think that's really important when you're going through divorce because you're losing whatever that looked like or felt like. Even if it's unhealthy, there's that feeling that you're losing something. So it's really important to love yourself and build yourself up and understand that's the only person that really matters anyway. Even people that are in healthy relationships, it's your love for yourself that's important.
Cyrina Talbott:
And I also asked her what she would do, she had two daughters who were little and what she would tell their daughter if they came to her and they said, you know, in 20 years, "Hey mom, my husband's cheating on me. Can you help me be better to win him back?" like what would she say?
Cyrina Talbott:
And she would never encourage them to be with a man like that. And I think it's good when we flip the script and you look at your kids and you say, "Would I encourage them to be with a man like this or to beat themselves up if they were going through this?" and that helped her switch how she was thinking about it too. We just need to be nicer to ourselves guys. Yeah, so mean to ourselves in her head.
Cyrina Talbott:
But that's kind of the set. That's kind of the, if you don't consciously work to overcome it, that's our set point. And then I told her too, like the way we are allowing ourselves to be in a relationship or be treated or the way we treat ourselves, we're showing our kids. So the more we can value ourselves, honor ourselves, love ourselves, even though that's a hard ask, the more we can do that in little ways and get better at it. Our kids are watching and learning.
Cyrina Talbott:
And I know, like I said, for me, watching my mom be brave enough to take us out of that situation with my dad, even though that put her in a... you know, she wasn't financially stable, but we were emotionally healthy and safe. And we watched her and then we were able to also understand, "Okay, even if you're in a relationship like that, you never have to stay. You never have to be treated like that." And that's the truth. So anyway, it ended up that she left and it was messy, of course, and hard.
Cyrina Talbott:
And I just wanted to say, she was brave, but she was also encouraging herself. She was running that program of I am valuable, I am enough, I am worthy. And she had more confidence to move forward. And we also found, when I work with people, that a lot of times there's patterns from your past. It didn't start with this guy. It started when she was younger and with her mother being very controlling and demanding. And so as you're going through this and you're maybe finding old patterns, that's an invitation to grow and shift and change too. And like you said, get that team on board to help you. Don't beat yourself up about that, because as they're coming up, they're going to heal and you're going to change them, and you're going to go into the next relationship if that happens after all the divorce settles and everything, you're not going to repeat this. You're going to be healthy or you're going to have a good relationship that you deserve. But it starts with you loving yourself.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah.
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah, absolutely. I love that. And I just want to encourage that if you're listening today that you say, "Hey, you know what? I am in an emotionally abusive relationship, but he's never hit me." Right? There's no, but, okay?
Cyrina Talbott:
There's no but.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Let's just be clear.
Cyrina Talbott:
Absolutely, it's powerful. I mean, sticks and stones is BS. Words do hurt.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Oh, for sure. I mean, right? But I think that there's always this like, yeah, but isn't as bad. And I've been in several meetings where the attorneys, we've been doing attorney interviews and they ask a few questions and they say, "Based on what you told me, this is actually the definition of domestic violence." And they're like, "Really?"
Cyrina Talbott:
Like, they're shocked.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Shocked.
Cyrina Talbott:
And this is my invitation to that person too. If this were your daughter, and she was like, "My boyfriend or my husband, he tells me I'm a piece of garbage all the time. He calls me fat and ugly and stupid, but he's not hitting me." Would you be like, "Okay sweetie, stay."
Rhonda Noordyk:
Just stay. No.
Cyrina Talbott:
No, so yeah.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Get the heck out, right?
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah. So honor yourself that way.
Rhonda Noordyk:
So this is a powerful message. I have goosebumps about this because I think we could have a lot of conversation around this part of it and the confidence that comes around it. And when you don't have the confidence, you borrow the other people's that can help you say, "Hey listen, this is not okay, this is not healthy, this is not normal. And it is okay for you to leave."
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah. And there's no shame at getting however you got yourself, however, we find ourselves in this relationship, there's no shame in it. There are so common. If you sat a group of women, you had 20 women or a hundred women, there's a huge majority that would raise their hand and they've been in these relationships, whether they were married or dating or whatever. Like there's no shame here. And yeah, there are people who want to help, who've been through it. There's no judgment. Yeah, absolutely.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah, totally.
Cyrina Talbott:
And you don't deserve it. Yeah.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yeah, totally. Such a powerful message. So let's end with your favorite quote, right? We'll just put a bow on this thing.
Cyrina Talbott:
Yeah. And it's just short and sweet. Einstein said, "We can't solve our problem with the same thinking we use to create them." And for me, this is very powerful because I work with people's subconscious versus their conscious. And the key is to switch those negative, beating yourself up, that shame, that thinking is not going to help you get out of this. Being kind to yourself is.
Cyrina Talbott:
And a lot of times it feels counterintuitive. It feels like maybe we deserve to be thinking of all the things we've done wrong or making lists of our faults or whatever in this situation. But really being kind to yourself, letting yourself off the hook, being gentle, treating yourself how you would a good friend who is going through this, switching how you're thinking, detaching, like you said, with that journaling is so powerful.
Cyrina Talbott:
Those are just thoughts; those are just negative thoughts. That's not your identity. It's not who you are. There's this other colorful journal or the truth that you're good. The things you've done right. All that stuff. Yeah. So switching how you're thinking is really powerful.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Wow. Heavy. Right? But so good.
Cyrina Talbott:
Yes.
Rhonda Noordyk:
So many good things about this conversation. And so, I just want to thank you for taking time to just have a really candid, casual conversation because I know that the women that are listening, I know that those of you who are listening really found a nugget in here.
Rhonda Noordyk:
And so, I want to make sure that you leave this conversation knowing that you can reach out. The contact information for Cyrina will be in our notes. You can also reach out to the Women's Financial Wellness Center. Go to our website, womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com. You can chat with us there, you can leave a request to set up a time to chat. But let's just commit, okay, that we're not going to walk through this by ourselves. How about that? Just commit today, I'm not going to walk through this by myself, by yourself. We're not going to let anybody that we know walk through this by themselves.
Rhonda Noordyk:
And we've got a great team of people that are here to support you as you're going through this process, contemplating this process in the midst of it and need some guidance or direction, right? But you have to reach out. Okay? So, thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If there was something that really stood out to you, a huge takeaway, an aha moment, man, we'd love to hear from you.
Rhonda Noordyk:
So, thank you again for your time and I am looking forward to continuing this conversation.
Cyrina Talbott:
Thank you so much. And I also have a free gift.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Yes.
Cyrina Talbott:
It's a confidence thing that you can find on my website that'll be in the show notes. It's cyrinatalbott.com and so that you can listen to that to actually start this positive, running these thoughts running in your mind that are going to be-
Rhonda Noordyk:
Awesome.
Cyrina Talbott:
... helping you instead of beating you up more yeah.
Rhonda Noordyk:
Awesome. Thank you so much for that generous offer. I appreciate that.
________________________________________
Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Cyrina Talbott
Cyrina Talbott is a Rapid Transformational Therapist, getting to the root of issues that hold people back and helping them get their life back. Her journey from completely burning out and learning she had to heal from her own childhood trauma, lead her to be able to help others today. She's a speaker, a mom of 4 girls, and loves reading and being in the outdoors.
Cyrina Talbott
Rapid Transformational Therapist | Life Back Therapy
cyrinat@gmail.com | (715) 570-3450
Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube
Special Offer: Free Transformational Confidence Recording
____________________
Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
____________________
Sponsored by: Courageous Contemplation (online course)
____________________
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
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In this episode, we discuss helping women transition through a divorce and ways to support them through this using the 3C approach of communication, communing, and community.
Rhonda Noordyk: This is the Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast. I'm so glad that you're here. I'm your host, Rhonda Noordyk, Founder and CEO of the Women's Financial Wellness Center. I am passionate about educating and empowering women who are going through divorce. I want to help you go from chaos to clarity. The purpose of this podcast is to provide women with educational tips, tools and resources as it relates to the divorce process. Be sure to check out our website at www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com.
Rhonda Noordyk: Alright, well, thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Divorce Conversations for Women. And I am really excited to be able to have a conversation today with my friend Sheryl Brown. She is the CEO of Females and Finance. And we met several years ago when I was in the industry as an advisor and have just stayed in touch, right? And so, I want to thank you for joining us today.
Sherly Brown: Absolutely. I'm excited to have this talk today.
Rhonda Noordyk: Me too. Me too. So, as I was thinking about where to kind of take this conversation today, I think what would be most helpful, and I know that's something that you, up until recent maybe have kind of kept close to the vest, but a little bit about your story, because I know that when you shared it with me a couple of years ago, I remember being on the phone pretty surprised at how challenging your situation was. Yeah, let's start with that. Share with us a little bit about your story.
Sherly Brown: Yeah. So here I am, gosh, 30 years into working in financial services. And I remember always being a good wife. I was somebody who, of course, I made a very good living. I was entrusting my ex-husband to pay the bills and we had a lifestyle. And I remember, he had gotten really upset with me that I was traveling a lot, I needed to quit my job. And so I did. And it was a job I actually enjoyed quite a bit. But I quit my job to be home more. I also have grandchildren, and I just thought I needed to be more present.
Sherly Brown: And so, when the last paycheck hit, it was May 30 of 2017, so I'm not employed anymore. That means I'm 100% dependent on him. And I remember, I was at a Michaels Arts and Crafts store with my two grandsons, they were fighting over a doughnut and they're twins. It's funny how you remember things, the details. I remember it was a sour cream crunch doughnut that I had bought at the grocery store and there was one left and they were twins. I remember reaching down and breaking it in half and saying, "Here, you each have a half, we're good."
Sherly Brown: And the phone rang and my husband called to say, "I don't want to be married to you anymore." I remembered in that moment, Rhonda, I literally said, "You know, I'm with the children right now. I'm going to need to give you a call back, I need to get them home and I want to talk about ..." I'm trying to stay professional and together and not alarm my littles, because they're always looking at you. And any mother listening knows that all children, their feelings fester off of their moms. They will look at their moms and if mom stays calm, they stay calm.
Sherly Brown: And it's amazing how even in a moment of angst, there's a lot of times where we're able to reach a level of calm in order to keep children, grandchildren, everything happy and safe for them. And inside, I'm like, what? And so I did, I took them home, I told my son, I have to see you later. I didn't even say anything to my son at home. And I waited. And it was hours and hours. He wasn't there. And it was hours. And I thought, you call me and you say this and you don't come home.
Sherly Brown: Well, what had ended up happening was he, in hindsight, a couple days later, I don't know why it took me 48 hours to put the lightbulb on. I should check the bank accounts, like he's not here, what are we doing? Yeah, he had emptied every bank account. He had cash boarded every credit card. He had got on a plane and had left. So he wasn't leaving me, he left. I think that term is really interesting to Rhonda, I remember sharing this with you. I said, they make it always sound so kind. No, someone left me. No, it was so much harder than that. And when I went through realizing that I had no money, I had nothing, I had no job, I had no husband. And so, I went into a full panic and depression, a little bit of one I would say. And I think rightfully so, I think you're just sort of, oh my gosh, what happens now?
Sherly Brown: And my son will tell you that I was sitting at the house once I realized all the money had been gone and what he had done because every account you go to you, you have like this conversation in your head, you say, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm wrong. Like you're still being that wife. You're still thinking no, no, no, no, no, this isn't happening to me. And then after I realized everything, I went down to the kitchen and I was sitting there. I immediately started acting like a crazy woman and I was unplugging the fridge, unplugging the TV, because I didn't know how I was going to pay the electric bill. I had no money, what was I going to do?
Sherly Brown: And so, I kind of went into hiding for about a week because I think the other part of it and you working in financial services will appreciate this, how do you tell colleagues? How do you tell three years, three decades of colleagues that this happened to me because I became that proverbial woman that people talk about. And it was me. And so, I didn't tell anybody for a very long time because I was so embarrassed to say, this happened to me. What was I going to do? And I have to also say, my father is pretty wealthy, he does well for himself. I could have very easily gone to my dad and said, I need you to bail me out. But I realized had I done that, my children would have expected me to do it for them and I don't know if I would have ever been in a position to do that. And I also thought it was really important for my children to see me pick myself up and move on, what was going to happen from here.
Sherly Brown: And you know what, you learn a lot of lessons from this, and people such as yourself, you were one of the people that I had found after it had happened and said, hey, that's me, I'm that girl now, I'm that lady. It was pretty awful.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah. Yeah. I think, unfortunately, with that, and I don't think that it's, it is what it is I guess. And that is, we as women I think feel that sense of, what could I have done differently. All of that, right? And you're like, what could you have done differently? He took it before you even knew he was going to be taking it. So there wasn't really, knowing what you know, there isn't a whole lot that you really could have done because he had access to the money. There's only so much that we can do when you have somebody who's going to do things that aren't right or take advantage of people or whatever. There's only so much that we can do, right?
Sherly Brown: That's exactly right. And there's a lot of shame. I dove into Brene Brown books to understand shame better because I couldn't believe how the conversation I was having with myself, I would never have with a client. I would never have with a colleague such as yourself. But yet, for me, it was okay to sit there and say, you're so dumb. Why would you do this? All these things I said and I have to tell you, it was people such as yourself who are experts in the space who were like, you got to stop. You can't do this to yourself.
Sherly Brown: And once I made the decision that I wasn't going to be a victim anymore, but I want to say this to anybody listening, it is 100% okay to grieve, to be angry, to eat a box of Oreos, whatever you got to do.
Rhonda Noordyk: Totally.
Sherly Brown: But when your pity party is done, you need to have that friend, that confidant, that expert, that Rhonda that says, okay, now we're done with that, and now we pick up. Because if you don't, I feel like it would have robbed me of getting a lot of just the "ahh" out early on. I think it was really helpful to kind of go through that process. It definitely helps when I talk to people who've gone through divorce now. I understand.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah, absolutely. So how long did it take for the divorce to be final?
Sherly Brown: Yeah, so you make concessions there too. So generally what happens is you can have a consensual divorce where you're both saying, yes, we want to get divorced and you go in, you get this and you get that and you sign the papers and you go to a judge. That can be as quick as 90 days. If you decide to get an attorney and they get an attorney and they go and wrestle it out, I'm sure I could take forever.
Sherly Brown: So I made the decision, after speaking to my dad and speaking to a few other people that I was going to do a consensual, but meant for when he did contact me and I was able to sit down, I decided, okay, here's what we're going to do. I will take this amount of debt and you take that. We made a total arrangement of okay, this is, it was amicable. And he signed his part and I signed my part. And I have to tell you, ladies, sometimes they don't show up to divorce court. And in my instance, I got divorced by myself. And I have to tell you, I was so angry about that. Out of all the things that I was angry about, I wasn't angry that he took the money, I wasn't angry that I got left. I was angry that you couldn't show up at the end to just close the chapter.
Sherly Brown: And the judge that was there that day, she could see it in my face that I was so upset. And she says, "Don't you worry, you're getting divorced today." And I was like, "Thank you." Because I needed somebody to understand and she got it.
Sherly Brown: So you're not always going to get a great maybe a divorce person there. But I went with my best friend and I have to tell you that there are things that people don't talk about. And I looked them up and they don't really talk about the actual process of going into the courtroom. And that day when you do a consensual divorce, you're there with many other couples, some are sitting on opposite sides, some are actually sitting together. But when you're the only one and this may possibly happen to somebody listening, the hardest thing for me was, when you think about the actual act of it, it's quite easy. They call your name, you get up, you walk over to this lectern, you agree with them that you are who you are and your date of birth and all this stuff.
Sherly Brown: You have these people looking at you, and the whole time it is a very natural feeling to feel judged. I remember standing up there by myself, and you can't really in my situation, see my friends. I had to stand there by myself. And I think it was probably the biggest, my girlfriend, her best friend, my best friend's name is also Sheryl. She said to me, "It was the one time that I saw you stand up there by yourself. And you literally had to just be courageous. And you had to stand there." She's like, "I knew you were bristling, and I knew you were ..." And I'm a professional speaker, Rhonda, I have no problem getting in front of a group of people. But man, when it's for this and the reason and you're by yourself, I think I was most angry in that moment.
Rhonda Noordyk: It's interesting. And you're right, nobody really does talk about those details. It's kind of like labor. Everybody kind of like, you know, you gear up to it and you're like, why didn't anybody told me about this part? But one thing that you said that I just want to make sure that we clarify is each state's different as far as how long you have to wait from the time that you file, so like in Wisconsin, so 120 days, Missouri, 90. So just make sure that you check in your state how many days that, what's the soonest that you could get divorced.
Rhonda Noordyk: And like you said, there are always those unexpected things that are going to happen along the way. And I always say, okay, how can we plan proactively for the things we know are going to happen also knowing that there are going to be, there's going to be at least one, okay, at least one surprise where you're like, did that really just happen? And there probably will be more than one.
Sherly Brown: Oh yeah.
Rhonda Noordyk: Women go into these situations really still, and I think this is a real strength of women, but in the divorce process, it can be a challenge, and that is I'm going to believe the best in the person. I'm going to believe that he's going to show up at the end. I'm going to believe that he would put the money back into the account. We bring that sense of belief in the goodness of people. And unfortunately, I think that, yes, it's a great skill and it's a great attribute and one of the reasons why I love working with women because we are pretty positive and really want to believe the best in people.
Rhonda Noordyk: But in situations like yours, you also have to say, I want to believe the best in this person. However, I need to plan in case they don't show up at the end. I need to make sure I've got my friend on board. We still have to do the planning because I think we go in with blinders on not taking the opportunity to plan ahead if we just believe the best in people, and it really becomes now a gap and a sense of vulnerability.
Sherly Brown: And it's much like, you likened it to labor. And for those who don't have children, weight loss, let's pick another one that's pretty common. When you lose weight, you think you're going to look like the person in the magazine or the advertisement or even the television. And you don't. I can tell you that as somebody, I remember, I lost 117 pounds, and I remember thinking after not recently, this was about 10 years ago, I don't look like the person on TV. I was so disappointed in the end product because you know what, nobody wants to talk about that. Nobody wants to talk about that. They want to talk about, was I healthy? Absolutely. Was I more athletic? All the things were positive. But they don't talk about aesthetics.
Sherly Brown: And just like divorce, even in all the stuff that I didn't research on, no one talked to me about walking into that courtroom and what it was going to feel like and how alone and how you stand and you're feeling like people, you literally have a judge and you feel like you have people judging you. What I will tell you is this, that if you can get yourself to the point where you get there and you can stand there and try to stand there not in anger, I think that was the thing that probably was my salvation because I wasn't angry until after it was done, like what, he didn't show up. What I was I felt a sense of peace that I had made the right choice for me or for my family.
Sherly Brown: My children are all grown at this point. It's interesting because, during that moment, you are kind of feeling very vulnerable, like, all these people, they all know that I'm not good or I'm not ... And it's amazing, goes back to that talk that you have with yourself and how you speak so sharply and harshly to your own person, the person you spend the most time with the world. I would never have said the things to my friends, to you, to others that I said to myself. So really practice that part.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah, absolutely.
Sherly Brown: I will tell you too real quick, I want to say that, one of the things that when I got divorced, and you're welcome to ask me questions about it, won't offend me at all, but one of the things that I agreed to was therapy. I went to a therapist every Friday for 52 weeks. Rain, shine, no matter what, I went. And I'm on the road a lot. Probably a third of the year I'm on the road. So I was face timing from hotel rooms because that was probably the single most important part of my mental of getting better. I learned a lot about myself in that year, and it's the reason why I'm able to talk about it so openly today and not be so, I think I told you, I'm better, not bitter. And I was pretty bitter.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah. And rightfully so. Right. Right. So I've often said, everybody that's going through divorce needs to have a core team of people. A therapist, a financial expert, and an attorney. And you can dial in the level of support, right? And if you feel like you need to go once a week, then you go once a week. If you feel like you need to go once a month, you go once a month. But whatever that is, it's the sliding scale. And I think, you know what, making that commitment out of the gate I think is really, really valuable. You don't realize how much stuff you're going to have to work through until you start going through it.
Rhonda Noordyk: For the people that are listening, the average divorces a year, that's 52 weeks, could be sooner, could be a little bit longer. But you're like, one year of our life is a small blip in the grand scheme of things. And if you were to commit to saying, hey, listen, I'm going to commit to whatever the amount is of therapy and support so that I can become a better person, so I can navigate through this, and ultimately, so I can leave the bitterness behind and move forward. I think that's fantastic. And clearly, it has shown up in your life the results of that because you're in a very different spot in a really relatively short period of time, right?
Sherly Brown: Yes. Oh, I credit it 100%, I tell people. And you know, I have to tell you too, part of what I learned about going through therapy was that I learned how to have a grown-up argument. That sounds a little crazy but I learned how to have grown up arguments. I learned how to speak to myself more kindly. I also learned how to actually like myself, which I think there's a lot of people who don't do that. And in your 52 weeks, maybe 112 weeks, it maybe five weeks, everybody's journey is different. But I committed to that. And I will tell you, it was not inexpensive in the sense that every session cost me $80 so I got 11, 12 out of my first, I got 12 covered by my insurance, and then everyone after that was $80. And some people might go, and that might be more expensive for some people and I get it.
Sherly Brown: Go less, go to a church, go someplace, ask around where you could go. Sometimes it might be, and I want to tell you this too, you can have the best friends on the planet, they are not the best therapist for you. You need somebody who's 100% objective because I was part of the problem too. I'm not going to sit here and say he was, I learned about things that I did that I was like, I didn't think of it like that, oh, gosh. It was worth it to me and now today I have better conversations with my children. I have better conversations with myself, with my family. I have learned boundaries. Oh, I had no boundaries before. I literally just before we were talking, printing out the 2020 holiday calendar for my, those are my boundaries. I'm not working on those days. It really will teach you a lot. But there's a lot of unknown things too that I found out going through this that shocked me.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah. Totally, totally. Well, I want to take just a really quick break. This has been so fun. And I want to then come back and I want to share with our listeners where you're at now. And you've kind of touched on this, but if there were three things, kind of bullet point list of things that you would share with women that may be contemplating divorce, maybe find themselves papers being served now, maybe they're the ones who are going to be serving, let's just come back to that in just a moment.
Rhonda Noordyk: I just want to thank everybody for listening to the Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast. If you are considering, contemplating or in the midst of divorce, be sure to check out our website, womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com. In particular, we have an online course called Courageous Contemplation. So if you find yourself contemplating divorce and want to make sure that you are knowing all the questions to ask and preparing ahead of time, make sure that you check that out.
Rhonda Noordyk: All right, so, let's dive back in here. So share with us where you're at now. It's a couple of years later and you have-
Sherly Brown: It is.
Rhonda Noordyk: ... lots of things have happened.
Sherly Brown: So, part of what happened was I, my children sat me down a couple of years ago and they were like, "Mom, we think you're so amazing that we just can't keep you to ourselves, we want to share you with the world." I said to my son, I go, "Are you sick of inviting me to dinner?" He says, "We kind of are. So, you need to go date." He goes, "Even if all you do is just get out there and you get to talk to people in that way."
Sherly Brown: But my kids and I know I told you this, they like to do fun things. And so, they decided to gamify it a little bit, and they said, I'm too picky. So, each of the children put me on three different dating apps and got to pick three men for me to go on dates with. And I went on nine colossally awful dates. It was terrible, terrible, terrible. But, it was interesting because you do get to get out and talk to people, and I highly encourage you to, within reason go out with people who definitely because part of their concern was for me, finding the exact same person to go out with that was my spouse, my ex-spouse.
Sherly Brown: And so, I was deleting the apps and just to show you how incredibly random life truly is, I was deleting the apps, I got to the last one, there were these pictures of the gentleman across the top, and I thought, gosh, he's really an attractive man. And I clicked on it and I thought, it's going to tell him I did that. And sure enough, the next morning, there was a message from Darryl and it says, "I think you're too pretty to go out with me, but in case I'm wrong and you're normal," it was the and you're normal, what signified to me, you've been on colossally awful dates too. And so we did. And I tell everybody, he's my best online purchase. We got married December of 2019. He's great.
Sherly Brown: It's interesting because he too was in a very long marriage and I was, and both of us had reasons that fell apart. In the end, we both have a lot of respect for one another that I didn't have in my first relationship. And respect comes in forms of things like, the little things of noticing that bringing the mail and the stuff that just seemed really, he and I both had gone through things like the five love languages and really knowing who we are because I got to tell you, I'm almost 50 years old Rhonda, I'm really not changing. I'm just not going to change.
Sherly Brown: And so, what I found out that was really important to me were things like words of affirmation. Good job, Sheryl, I need to hear that. And physical touch, hold my hand, sit next to me at the movies or on the couch. That was one of the things I learned in therapy. If these are the things that are important to me, you have to have an absolute zero tolerance, no budging away from them. And so, we found out that our love languages matched. Not always do we get along. I tell everybody, do I love him every day? Yes. Do I get along with him every day? Absolutely not.
Sherly Brown: But yeah, you just have to, we both had gone through therapy, we both had gone through a lot of things. And my kids adore him. In fact, my son always says, "We kind of like him sometimes more than you." I'm like, "What? I made you. You wouldn't be here." I also, when I was sort of at the bottom of the barrel when I got divorced, I decided to start this company. I was working with a lot of women who worked in financial services. I felt like there just wasn't really good representation at events at speaking, subject matter experts in articles, podcasts, the whole nine.
Sherly Brown: And so, Female and Finance was birthed from a spot of I'm already at the bottom, we're going to work our way to the top. So it's 100% grassroots movement. 18 months afterward, we went from zero members to 2500 members, you're a member of. And it's a vetting process, actually vet every woman who comes through the program. Much like you do as well with the clients that you're working with and the people who come through, it makes a big difference. One of the things that I've learned in therapy was, going back to that I'm almost 50 and probably not going to change, I'm not an association, I'm a business. It's my party and I get to do what I want. So, people have said to me, they're like, you don't take everybody. No, I don't. I learned that. No, I don't.
Sherly Brown: So, you really can come and take a really bad thing that happens and given the right formula of self-care and asking for help, asking people to help you be strong when you can't, people loving you when you're not your most lovable self. I had to ask everybody, be patient with me. But then also putting yourself into things that make you feel good. Pick up the projects of the stuff that you had to put on hold for somebody else. I didn't have to do that anymore. And so, today, I'm not happy every day but I'm happy most days, and I'm happy most of that whole day.
Sherly Brown: I think that's the other thing too, is life is short. If you're in a situation where you're contemplating a divorce, there's a reason why you are. And the other thing too, talking about boundaries. Right after I got divorced, I announced it on Facebook because if you don't, people start, I asked very specifically to people, please do not mediate my divorce. I don't need you to go talk to him and talk to, I don't want that. You can be his friend, you could be my friend, but do not mediate our divorce.
Sherly Brown: And sure enough, you're going to get those ones who think they're the people, and I got this box in the mail and it was, this is the part that got me, it was a box in the mail with books about how I could be a better wife. And I remember being so angry. And I was talking to my friend Jenny, who lives in Chicago, my other friend, Anne, who's in Boston, and they said, "You take that box, and you package it and you send it right back." And actually, Anne was like, "Print that page that said, do not mediate my divorce from your Facebook and put that in the box." And I did. I did. I did.
Rhonda Noordyk: Good for you.
Sherly Brown: It was. It was very scary. For anybody also listening who your tendency is to be a nurturer, and you want to take care of people and not rock the boat and let's not, you know who you are listening, you know, that was probably one the most empowering moments of my life because I packaged it up and I sent it back and said, thank you but no thank you. Can you imagine, but that happened.
Rhonda Noordyk: No. And you know what, there's always those things. Everybody wants to try. And again, they're all coming from a position of wanting to help but it's like, listen, at this point, he has left.
Sherly Brown: There have been decisions made and there have been actions and there need to be consequences. I think that I think that when you're the person on the outside because I used to be that person, I was married and I would see people get divorced and go, ooh, you know. It is really, really interesting to be on the other side of it because now when people say, when you say, oh, I'm divorced, they're, oh, I'm sorry. I'm not. Don't feel bad for me. And my daughter, my youngest daughter has autism. And she's fairly high functioning. And she dislikes the fact that when she has to disclose she has autism, people go, ooh. I thought the best thing she ever said one time was, oh, you don't need to feel sorry for me, I have a 139 IQ, I'm fine. She wasn't trying to be smart. She was being very ... I think that's exactly what it is. It's like don't feel sorry for people but people don't know what to say. Right, Rhonda? They don't know what to say.
Rhonda Noordyk: No, they don't. They don't.
Sherly Brown: They don't. So I forgive them for that, and I think anybody listening, you're just going to have to forgive them too because they do mean well. They don't like change because everything else worked a certain way and they knew how to work through that flow and that flex, and now they don't and they're feeling angst too, what do we say to so and so, what do we say to so and so. If you don't know, read some books, go online, check it out, lots of therapists have written on this. But for the person who's going through it and they are saying things that don't feel, there's a lot of grace that needs to come with that too. You just have to know that they don't know how to go through your divorce either just like you don't.
Rhonda Noordyk: Well, and I remember, I believe it was Sharon Sandberg when she lost her husband. And she said the one thing that she really valued, and that she would advise people to say is, how are you today? How are you today? Knowing that it's going to change every day. And just asking a question versus trying to save the situation or provide unsolicited advice. And again, I tell my clients, I say, okay, everybody that has gone through divorce wants to share their experience. However, you've got to be willing and able to not listen to all the noise because what's going to happen is, you're going to have 30, 50, 100 different opinions and now you're going to be more confused on what direction to go. And each situation is different.
Sherly Brown: You could interject, even if it was a divorce, we could say, that's having a baby, that's breastfeeding a baby. That is whether you decide to homeschool or put your child in school. That is whether you decide to let your child drive a car at 16 or 17 or 18. It doesn't matter because everybody's going to want to. And so for me, mailing the box back meant I'm not accepting, I've asked you not to mediate and you did. You did not respect my boundary. It felt strangely empowering. It shouldn't feel that way but it did. I just felt so good. So everybody's going to have their box. And you're going to have the ones who judge you for like it's your fault that you did something.
Sherly Brown: And to that, I think part of what shook out from this was we definitely had the, his friends and my friends, our friends, our friends was the hardest part to navigate in the divorce because I'm living my life, I just recently had to say something to somebody, like, I'm living my life and I'm happy, please quit going back and telling my ex-husband from two-plus years ago what's going on in my life. And so I made a decision Friday night when my kids were here to anybody who was friends with my ex-husband, I literally had to delete them from Facebook. And they're people are like, I don't think there's anything there. But my personal life, I want to share it with people like you, Rhonda, who are my friend, and you're not going to pick up the phone and call my ex-husband.
Rhonda Noordyk: Well, right. And it's part of your moving forward.
Sherly Brown: I had to make a choice.
Rhonda Noordyk: And it's part of your moving forward too. Let's be real, he left. So at that point, it's time for you to be able to heal and move on. So I love the, I guess for the women that are listening, what's that box that you need to mail back? Whether it's a text message, an email, Facebook, or something physical that you get. It is okay for us to set those boundaries and enforce the boundaries, enforce the boundaries. Because I think, you know what, if you would have kept the box, you would have felt frustrated.
Sherly Brown: It would have signaled it was okay to not respect my boundary.
Rhonda Noordyk: That's right. And even if you didn't keep the books, let's say you just donated them, there's still that aspect of like, it was okay, right?
Sherly Brown: Yeah.
Rhonda Noordyk: So, I think that was a very bold and important action to just say, hey, I'm serious. This is not okay. So I love that.
Sherly Brown: And I wasn't angry. Anybody listening, you have to separate yourself from it and you have to, and that's what I did. I learned that because I went to therapy, and she warned me, people aren't going to know how to navigate this. You need to be prepared for that. I was so fortunate to have Kay in my life during that time and meeting with me every Friday, and as I moved into my new relationship with Darryl. She was helping me navigate things with him that I didn't even think about. It's not perfect. I still have things that come up from the past. When you're connected to somebody for a quarter of a century, you have some baggage, some habits. But he's also understanding that and helps me sort of go through the journey of that.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah. Well, and one of the things that we're going to be launching in the new year is an initiative called Simple Support. And it's actually going to be an initiative for friends, colleagues, people that know somebody who's going through a divorce, and what is it that you can do to support them. And every single week, we're going to give them a simple thing that they can do, say or do to support their friend. And I'm excited about that because to your point, women, men even, they don't know what to say. And so then they say things that are stupid. You're like, why did you just say that? Like, no, this is not helping the situation, right?
Rhonda Noordyk: But I also think too, if the average divorce is a year, that's a long time for somebody to feel like okay, well, I've heard the story a few times, I don't really know what to say, I still don't know what to say. I mean, it's the fifth time I've heard this story because the friend needs to vent but I still don't know what to say to it. And so, if we can empower the people around the person that's going through divorce, I think it's going to be really helpful.
Rhonda Noordyk: And to your point as well, I think, again, you've got to have the professionals in that inner circle to be your core team of people. And then yeah, your friends are also part of the journey but you need them to be in the role that it makes the most sense. They're not an attorney, they're not a financial expert related to divorce, they're not a therapist. So have those people and then have this great support network in addition to that that can listen and support you.
Sherly Brown: I love that. I wish I had had that because real quick, I know one of the things that, I had experts, financial experts who said to me, who were CFPs, who had been insurance and investments like yourself, etc., had said, right after I got, was looking at my assets, they said, sell your house. You don't need to be a single woman living in a four-bedroom house. FYI, those who do not know me, I am not a DIY-er. I don't have fun going to Home Depot. I don't go to Lowe's. I don't go to Menards.
Rhonda Noordyk: Which is why on your social media you're like who staged this.
Sherly Brown: Yeah. I do have an entire thing, if you go to #whostagedthis, I totally laugh at people who set these signs up for sale and I'm like, yeah. I'm not crafty. I'm the person who calls and I hire someone to do stuff. And yet, do you know expert advice, how many, 10, 10 financial service people told me, sell your house. You need to sell your house. You're not going to be able to keep up the pool, you're not even mowing the lawn, sell your house. And you know what all my friends, don't sell your house, you need to hold on to that. And who did I listened to? I listened to my friends, and I held on to that house for two years longer than I should have. And I struggled, Rhonda. Mowing a lawn and taking care of, I failed chemistry in school, I should not, I repeat, I should not be taking care of a pool. I had a 30,000-gallon pool that had to put a cover on by myself. No, no.
Sherly Brown: And so, I love the fact that you have a simple support program like this because what you need to do is advise those individuals. They do need to know the right words, and the right words were to listen to your financial service professionals. They know what's best for you. My friends love my heart and they don't want to, like nobody says man, let's go help Sheryl move this weekend. Literally no one wants to help you move. Nobody wants to move. The one regret that I have is that I didn't listen earlier on. And we should.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I think again because it is emotional. And we know that our friends are coming from the right place. We tend to listen to them sometimes. But you're right. And the house is always one of those big challenging pieces. But I have several clients right now that are in that spot. They've got large homes, and a pool, all this stuff. And it's like, okay, well, either you're going to have to do all this work yourself. When do you have time to do that? Or you're going to have to hire somebody to do those things for you. What do you want that to look like?
Rhonda Noordyk: And so, I think for the people that can really take a look at the logical aspect while acknowledging the emotion, hey, it's never going to be easy to sell your house, to move, to start over, to do all those things, acknowledge the emotion but then also say, okay, logically what makes the most sense and move in that direction.
Sherly Brown: And I have since then since I did sell my house this year, it was interesting because I was a little somber, a little melancholy about the whole process. But do you know that the day that the money hit my bank and I paid all my bills off? Like I am 100% debt-free. That sounds a lot better than that house ever made me feel. I was like, I wish I had done this, you know. And I went back to every one of those people, a shout out to an Eric Brotman out there, shout out to Barb Provos, Judy Hoberman, they were all like, sell that house, sell that house, and I didn't and I should have because they were like, no matter what you do it, you can always get another one. I mean, you can always, and you can always buy. And then it is more yours.
Sherly Brown: And even the therapist was like, "I really highly recommend you sell that house." Kay was like, "What do you mean you're not selling the house yet?" I'm like, "My friends." As soon as she started to say "my friends said," she's like, "Oh, right there, stop." So I love that your organization and your firm is providing these kind of resources because they're just so valuable to the person going through it.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah, absolutely. So, I know you've shared a few things that I jotted down as far as tips. So self-care, super helpful. Don't be afraid to ask for help. But again, asking the professionals for help and then relying on your friends for additional support. Pick up projects, right? Invest time in things that bring you joy. Anything else in addition to those things that you want to make sure that the gals listening-
Sherly Brown: I would say that for yourself, so the three things that I want to make certain that we talked about today was one, therapy. Everybody deserves, do not feel ashamed for it. You don't have to tell anybody you're doing or you can tell everybody. It's you, it's your life, your business, your time. But it is valuable to just be able to say to someone who's not going to sit and eat pizza rolls and watch Harry Potter with you at night, this is how I feel so they can give you objective advice. And then from that objective advice, do not go to Facebook and say, well, my therapist, don't do it because she's doing that specifically for you. And so I think therapy is important.
Sherly Brown: Anger. The sooner that you can let go of anger, people say to me, they were looking back at pictures, you know how Facebook has that memory where you can go back and look, when you look at pictures of me today where I'm so much lighter, not in weight, that is for sure. But in your face, and you can see like, when you let go of anger, there's a weight to it. There's such a weight to it. If you can find it, and I'll tell you, it's hard, you got to practice it every day because something will set you off, a bill. That's my super favorite part of this whole divorce is random bills appear that you had no idea but you have to pay them and you want to be angry. And instead, I have to be like, you know what, I'm going to pay this and then I'm going to move on and then just go on.
Sherly Brown: When you do that, it's not Pollyanna-esque to do that. You are literally giving yourself permission to let go. And when you do that, your brain's free, your shoulders are free, your back is free, your waist is, you let it go. And I would say the other thing that from a practicality standpoint, the number one thing that I learned from this that I hope every person learns, separate your credit card debt. Do not commingle your debt because when I go back to what we first talked about, Rhonda, when we sat down and we divided up who was going to pay what, what I did not know, he did, I did not, was that when you have commingled debt such as credit cards, which seem to be the easiest, and you get divorced, it doesn't matter, TransUnion doesn't care about your divorce. Equifax doesn't really give two hoots about your divorce. They want the bills paid or they penalize you.
Sherly Brown: So all he did was, yeah, I'll take all this debt and he didn't make one payment. I paid all that debt too. So not only did I get the stuff that I said I would take, I got his. And that could make you very angry, very angry. Yeah, I try to remember. But I think what I took away from it is it's become like my five minutes soapbox with people now. It's like, don't you get credit cards together, don't you get credit cards together. Keep them separate.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah, that's huge, that's huge.
Sherly Brown: And I know you talk about this with the ladies who come through. I know you do, but I didn't know that 30 years in financial services, there I was signing away for cards and stuff because I had very, very, very good credit. And I sold the house, paid all that off, I'm done. And it does make you lighter and stuff, but don't commingle your debt.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah.
Sherly Brown: I don't even care if you're happily married, don't commingle your debt.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah, absolutely. I think those are, I mean, such valuable tips that you have. And I love the fact too that when you look at from a timeline perspective, all this stuff hit the fan two years ago, almost two and a half, three years ago.
Sherly Brown: Two and a half.
Rhonda Noordyk: It does not have to be like decades where you are struggling, decades where you are frustrated, decades where you are bitter. It doesn't have to be that but you have to go through it. So either you go through it as fast as you can and get through it and do the grieving and deal with emotions or it's going to linger.
Sherly Brown: It will. And it will eat away at you. It is like a cancer, which I don't want to ever make it sound and take light of something that's very serious. But it is an emotional cancer that will just keep eating and eating and eating. And I think that for me, I just ripped that band-aid. Because otherwise you just peel a little bit and a little bit more and a little bit more and it's just not worth it.
Sherly Brown: But, for me, the end result was that I would much rather have walked away from, I had to give up the two new cars that we had, I sold my house. I did all of these things, there's a moment, and especially if you're a little bit more materialistic, i.e., me, it was humbling to say, okay, you know what, I can't have these things right now. And so that meant that two years ago, I gave up cable. It meant that I gave up fancy cell phones. I literally just upgraded my iPhone to something more current. I gave up a lot of those things.
Sherly Brown: But now today, oh my gosh, I can go on places and I think I don't need any of that. It's just stuff. I have really come to a whole other side. And the things I own, I like them and I kept them and I keep them nice, but I don't feel like I need to go do retail therapy if you will. And I think that's what I was doing in my marriage. I was like, I'll just buy this, it'll make me feel better.
Sherly Brown: Just try to keep yourself, get through it fast, know that your friends love you, they're not your best therapist though. And then just try to not let anger become you.
Rhonda Noordyk: Yeah, absolutely. You know, I'm so glad that we had an opportunity to chat today, and that you could share a little bit about your experience because I do remember.
Sherly Brown: I've never talked to anybody. You are the only person I've told all this stuff to.
Rhonda Noordyk: Oh my gosh. I remember when you and I chatted, and I was like, no way, oh my gosh. So, I'm so glad that not only you are willing to share because I know that there's a lot of women that are listening that will be benefiting from your story and your encouragement and your tips, but also that you're in a different spot. And so, I just really value you taking the time to share with us today. And certainly, we will include your name and contact information in the show notes if anybody wants to reach out to you. I just want to thank everybody for listening today. Certainly, if you want to connect with Women's Financial Wellness Center, be sure to go to womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com. And Sheryl, I hope you have a great day and thank you again so much for joining us.
Sherly Brown: Thank you.
Rhonda Noordyk: Thank you so much for listening to the Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast. I have enjoyed being your host. I trust that you have taken at least one thing that you can apply to your life today. If you'd like more information about this episode, please feel free to check out the show notes. And if you'd like to connect with the Women's Financial Wellness Center directly, please visit www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com.
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Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Sheryl Brown
Sheryl has been working in financial services for more than 30 years. Today, with more than 2,300 members, she runs one of the larger networking communities for other women who work in financial services, called Females and Finance. And in 2020, she will be opening a financial services partnering firmed called Unified Financial Network where she plans to work alongside other financial service professionals in not only providing access to insurance products for fee-based and fee-only advisors, but also helping commission-based professionals get connected to new and different products to strengthen their overall offering.
Sheryl Brown
CEO | Females and Finance
sheryl@femalesandfinance.com | (636) 233-4200
Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | Twitter
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Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the Founder & CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
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Sponsored by: Courageous Contemplation (online course)
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Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
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In today's episode, we discuss:
- Identifying your strengths and how to position them
- How to handle time away from the traditional workforce
- The importance of shifting your mindset and how important it is when you are putting together your resumé
Rhonda: All right. Well thank you so much for joining us. Welcome to this episode of Divorce Conversations for Women. I'm your host, Rhonda Noordyk. You know there's one common thread facing everyone that's going through or contemplating divorce and that is you don't know what you don't know. So, I want to make sure that I help you ask the tough questions to get the answers that you need.
Rhonda: In today's episode, we're going to be diving into the topic of... resumé writing, right? And what do you do if you need to go back into the workforce or you need to up-level your skills to be able to really live the life that you have been wanting to live during or post-divorce. So, this episode is sponsored by Courageous Contemplation. It's our online course. So, if you find yourself contemplating divorce, please check out womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/events.
So, I am here today with Dr. Heather Rothbauer-Wanish and she is, not only the owner of Feather Communications, but she's also a professional resumé writer and has been doing this since 2008. So, thank you so much for joining us today.
Heather: Thanks, Rhonda. I'm glad to be here.
Rhonda: So, tell us a little bit about... Before we dive into the tips that we have for our listeners today, if there are women that are listening, what are some of the things that you've seen as far as trends in resumé writing, basically, and let's let them know that they're not alone.
Heather: Okay. Yeah. First of all, you are absolutely not alone. One of the trends that I've really noticed, whether I'm working with somebody that is getting divorced, maybe just stayed home raising kids, and is now entering the workforce, is probably 15 or 20 years ago. It's almost like we tried to hide that information, like, "Oh, I don't want them to know that I wasn't doing anything." Which by the way, we know you were doing a lot of different things, but now we address it. We just flat out address it in the resumé and say, "These five years, two years, whatever it was, here's what I was doing." And I think there's some value to that because people feel like they don't necessarily have to hide it and they can use those skills that they built during that time.
Heather: Another trend that, you know, if somebody hasn't looked for a job for a really long time is understanding how the job search works today. It's important to know that resumés go through applicant tracking systems. You're not going to be physically handing your resumé to somebody anymore, so just understanding the different tips and tricks and ideas and being smart about how you're putting together your document to best identify your strengths and your skillset.
Rhonda: I love that. And if you are listening, I hope that you find encouragement in that because things have shifted, and even in previous episodes that we've recorded, we've been talking about the importance of flexing. Like, hey, it's not that you have to be working in the nine-to-five jobs anymore in the corporate space. People are really starting to recognize, "Hey, what is it that I'm passionate about? What skills do I bring to the table? Gosh, could I turn that into a business?" Or, "Can I leverage some of those skills in the career space?" So, I love that.
Rhonda: I remember... So, in teaching in higher education, I was teaching PowerPoint classes and Microsoft Office classes. And as part of that, I was encouraging my students to put together a resumé because I said, "You know what? The best time to put together a resumé is when you don't need one and you're not stressed-
Heather: Exactly.
Rhonda: ... and you're not feeling frustrated or bitter toward the employer that maybe had to part ways with you for various reasons." And so, I put as part of that process, I put together mine, and I thought, "Okay, I've got this really great chronological resumé." And the gal who was reviewing it at the college, their professional onsite resumé writer, said, "Yeah, Rhonda, I mean good information, but, man, this is an old-school format." Feeling like we need to put everything in chronological order and put as much as we can on there. And I want to say that I was clustered. But I think just also recognizing, what is it that really, we need to be putting on there and also realizing that we have control over what we put on there or don't put on there. Right?
Heather: Exactly. And I always tell people, your resumé is meant to put enough out there that somebody is interested enough to call you for an interview to find out more. It's not your entire life story. It's not every single job that you've ever had since high school. Because people do it. It's not every single thing. It's what's relevant and thinking about what's relevant over a quantity of information is really, really important. And I think once people know that, once they realize that, "Oh, my gosh, you don't have to tell everybody every single thing. I can pick and choose what I want to share?" It changes how you look at the document, too.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, so let's dive in a little bit. First of all, I would love for anybody that's listening to know, how do they identify really and document the skills and abilities that they have? How do they pick what cream should rise to the top, if you will?
Heather: Well, the first thing I would tell you is that often when I'm working with clients and I say, "Oh, tell me your top three skills," or "Tell me your top few strengths." The typical response is, "Hmm, I don't know. Well, let me think about it." And they don't know. So, I think just getting into the mindset of thinking about, "Hey, what are my strengths?" And so, what I tell people is to look at some job postings. Figure out, "Hey, this job sounds kind of interesting." Don't even worry about the title of the job at this point. Just look at the job description and then look at the skillsets and the responsibilities that they're requiring of that candidate. And I bet you will find that those are some of your skills.
Heather: So, it's really important to align your skills and your abilities and what you list on the document towards each job opportunity. A lot of times people will think that they have to reinvent the wheel every single time that they're sending the resumé out. And it's like, you don't have to start from scratch every time, but you might need to tweak some of those words. So just thinking about that, and then the one tip that I have found really, really works, works with myself, you can play a little mind trick on yourself, is instead of thinking about, "What are my skills? What are my strengths? What am I good at?" Shift it in your mind and think from the perspective of, "I wonder what my coworkers would say about me? What does my last job review say about me? What would my best friends say that are my top skills?"
Heather: And all of a sudden you come to a place of, "Wow, that person would say I'm organized. I'm a good leader. I get along well with people. I have good communication skills," and all of these skills start tumbling out. So, sometimes it's just kind of thinking about it a little bit differently, too. But it's really, really important that you look at the skills that are required of the jobs and then match those skillsets to your resumé.
Rhonda: Yeah, I love that. Well, and are there any assessments, third party assessments that you encourage people to take?
Heather: Oh, my gosh, there are so many that are out there. One of the assessments that I'm sure a lot of your listeners have heard of is StrengthFinders.
Rhonda: One of my favorites.
Heather: Yeah. Mine too. Mine is actually sitting right over there. I think sometimes we think we know what our strengths are, but then when you see it worded from a third party, it's like, "Yeah, that is what I'm good at. That just totally describes me." So that would be one of them that I would recommend for a lot of people. There's also one of the places that I used to work at and we would give our interviewees a DiSC profile. So, D-i-S-C. Again, not that any of these tell you everything about yourself, but it's really nice to find some words that kind of describe your personality style.
Heather: So that's another one. There's like three versions of it. They're not like super in-depth, but it gets you started on that path.
Rhonda: Yeah. I think the self-awareness piece is huge, right? I mean, if you're somebody who is a D, a very direct person in the D for DiSC, and you're applying for a support role, well, depending on the dynamics and the culture, there might be a little bit of tension there because you're going to want to take charge and get stuff done, versus somebody who's maybe an S or a C, and more of, by nature, more of a support role, loves the analytical detail stuff, maybe a little bit more behind the scenes.
Heather: Exactly. Exactly.
Rhonda: I love the-
Heather: It's funny that you said D because that is mine. And so, it's like sometimes I have to remember, "Okay, this is not the point to bring some of these things up." Or, "This is not a good time for the D part to come out". Yeah.
Rhonda: Well, and I think, too, I encourage if you are listening, gosh, look up these assessments. The StrengthFinder is a Gallup poll assessment. It's so awesome. Of the 34 different themes, it's going to give you your top five so you can really start to internalize what you're good at and how you're wired. And then also, for the DiSC profile, I love that, too. And also knowing that, hey, we can flex that because there we'll have our dominant one and then one under stress. So, for me, I'm an "i", influencer, pretty outgoing, all that kind of stuff. Love getting people together. But then when I have to be, I'm a D. When I have to get stuff done or the hammer has to come down, I can be a D.
Rhonda: But the nice thing is, once you become very aware of how you are and you can operate consistently in that, the other people around you also know what to expect from you. So, I think it can give you an added sense, from my perspective, an added sense of confidence when you're not only writing your resumé but if you get to the point where you're doing interviews where you can really walk in and say, "Here's who I am. Let's find out if this is a good fit or not."
Heather: Right. Exactly. And I think there is something to be said for just being aware of it yourself, and just recognizing some of those traits in other people who, like, "Oh, I can tell from having a conversation with this person, this person is much more of an i, or a C," and you can kind of adjust. Not that you have to change everything, but you can kind of adjust your communication style to align better with that individual also.
Rhonda: Yeah. Absolutely. I love that. So yes, so identifying their strengths. So, once they've identified them, how do they document them?
Heather: So, your skills and strengths, what I tell people, is like on your resumé at the top, obviously we'll have your name, your contact information, and that sort of thing. Then I typically have a career summary, but immediately after that, so in the top third of the resumé, I put the skills section or the strengths because when you're going through these online applicant tracking systems that companies utilize on websites, you have to make sure it's frontloading the information. Make sure that you're dropping in all of these words at the beginning so that the software likes your document. That's important.
Heather: And why would we want to bury our skills and strengths at the bottom anyway? Especially if you haven't been in the traditional workforce for quite a while, let's focus on those strengths and abilities and accomplishments, boom, right up the top, so that somebody is hooked enough that they want to keep reading about you. So, I definitely, definitely, consistently put it in the top third of the resumé.
Rhonda: Awesome. And can you just share a little bit about how those systems work for... If you're listening and you're like, "Okay, what is she talking about?" Picking out keywords or whatever. Share with us a little bit about that.
Heather: Yeah. So, a lot of people that I work with are 40 and up and they're like, "I don't even know exactly. I don't know what you're talking about." So, what happens is, on company websites instead of paying me or some other HR person to sit there and just sift through a hundred resumés or 200 or whatever, they have software on their website. So as soon as you click Upload, boom, there goes your resumé, like, what happens to it? I always joke, like does it just go into some abyss somewhere? Like what happens?
Heather: Well, those companies have the software that as soon as the documents are coming through, it's scanning them and it's scanning them for a word match percentage to the job posting. So, for a lot of these different systems companies can set up, they have to match whatever, 50%. They have to match 60%. Whatever they decide they need. And if your resumé doesn't have enough of those same words in it, you're out. You're out before a human being even gets your document.
Heather: So, the point is, is when you're reading an ad online, when you're reading something on Indeed or any of the other job boards, pay attention to the bullet points in the ad. Pay attention to the list where it says, key skills required, or applicants must have... And then there's a bullet list of 10 bullets. Those are the keywords. Those are your skills. And it can be something as simple as, let's say, you decide to put project management as one of your skills, and you read the job posting and it says you must have project leadership abilities. Then put project leadership.
Heather: It can just be something as small as that. And I always caution people, within reason, obviously, you can't just throw stuff on there just for the heck of it. Cross your fingers to get through the system because anything that you put on there is fair game for them asking you about it during an interview, and you have to have something to back it up. You can't just say, "Oh, I'm a good project manager," and then they say, "Give me an example." And you're like, "Well, let me think." You have to have an example. So, it's just being smart about using a lot of the same verbiage that they have in their job posting and utilizing that on your document.
Rhonda: Awesome. That's awesome. So, we've covered how to identify some of those skills and then really how to position them within the document itself. Talk to us about, for anybody who's listening. So, if you're listening right now and you say, "Hey, I've been away from the workforce for a while in a traditional sense." What is the, I guess, right way and what's the wrong way to address that time away?
Heather: One of the things that I've seen a lot lately is, and maybe your listeners are familiar with it, but it's like the sandwich generation. It's the generation of people that are either A) taking care of kids, they're now they're returning to work, or they're taking care of kids and/or also taking care of a relative, an ailing parent or something. So, there's a lot of people that are out of the workforce for a couple of years, maybe 15 years, who knows? Instead of, again, ignoring that and not even addressing it, I will put a simple one-line line item on the document that says, "Stepped away from the traditional workforce from 2010 through 2015 to care for an ailing relative," or, "To provide healthcare for a parent," or whatever. Again, you don't have to go into drastic detail. People know that other people have lives, like things happen.
Heather: You have kids. Our parents get sick. You have to take a year off; you have to take two years off. I think what's really changed in the more recent years is that there is a level of understanding that stuff happens, and you might have to step away for a while from the traditional workforce. Does that mean you weren't doing anything? Absolutely not. And so one of the things I'll do is, again, just put that one little sentence on it saying, "Cared for children from 2007 to 2017," and then go back into other things like maybe you were the fundraising chair at your kids' school. Maybe you volunteered at the nursing home 20 hours a week, whatever.
Heather: One of the things I always tell people is, just because we're calling it professional history or work history or professional experience, it doesn't mean that it has to be paid work where you're getting a paycheck every other Friday. Like, this experience is experience. So, the volunteerism, put it in there because guess what, that shows you're organized, you can work with different team members, you can organize projects, coordinate things, all of that. So, don't be afraid to put things in there that aren't necessarily kind of that traditional work history.
Rhonda: Awesome. Yeah, I think that's really great advice because there is value in those things and I think there has been this level of, "Okay, well, I don't want to lie and say that I was working when I wasn't, but I think there's value in that," and there's usually a good reason. So, what you're saying is, hey, just put it out there.
Heather: Yep, exactly. Exactly.
Rhonda: I love that. So, we have talked about some of the strengths and how to position those and then, also, how do you handle that time away? I want to take a brief break and then we'll come back and then we're going to talk about shifting your mindset. Okay? So, you want to make sure that you stay tuned for our third and final point together.
Rhonda: So, I am so excited to be able to share with you that today's show has been sponsored by Courageous Contemplations. It is our online course. It is perfect for women that are contemplating, "Should I stay, or should I go?" Right? And so, you have an opportunity to walk through eight modules, privately, without anybody knowing, so you can gather the information that you need to make a good decision. And at the end of that you will have an opportunity to decide, "Hey, do I need more time? Would I love to be able to connect with Rhonda and move forward, or am I just going to wait? And, you know what, maybe I'm going to stay in this relationship." So, if you have an opportunity to check out www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/courses, make sure that you visit Courageous Contemplations to learn more.
Rhonda: So, let's jump back in. And, Heather, I want you to share a little bit about the importance of shifting your mindset and how important that is as you're putting together the resumé.
Heather: Yes. Oh, this is my favorite topic, Rhonda. Oh, it's my favorite part. Okay. So, when I work with people, they are always concerned that I'm bragging. Oh, my gosh, I'm talking myself up so much. I talked to a lady last week and she said, "Oh, listen to me, talking about all these certifications." And I stopped her. That's probably my D coming out, but I stopped her in her phone call, and I said, "Is this a fact? That you have these three certifications?" And she said, "Well, yeah." And I said, "Then why do you feel bad about it? You're just simply stating a fact."
Heather: So that's what I tell my clients, is like, you're not bragging if you're simply stating a fact. If you earned these three awards last year, okay, then it is what it is. You are stating a fact. It's just like saying, "I'm X, Y, Z years old." That's a fact. So, stop thinking about it as if you're bragging or that you're being boastful, because you're not. You're just saying what happened. And the other thing is, if you don't say what happened, if you're concerned that, "Oh, my goodness, I'm going to come across as being conceited and bragging," I guarantee you, I guarantee you that somebody else is putting their stuff on their resumé and they're going to get the interview and you are not, because you are so afraid of sounding like you're being boastful.
Heather: If it's a fact, if it happened, put it on there. That's how I look at it. If it's something that actually happened, then why are we concerned about bragging? And, maybe I shouldn't say this, but I'm going to, whenever I've worked with a guy, they don't have that issue.
Rhonda: Yeah, you read my mind. That was my follow-up question.
Heather: No man that I have ever worked with has ever said, "Oh, my goodness, I probably shouldn't say that because I sound like I'm bragging." Not one in all of these years. So, I don't know, it's ingrained in us as women, whatever it is. But get over it because if it happened, it's a fact, and you're just putting that fact on paper.
Rhonda: That's right. So, Heather and I, okay, ladies, are giving you permission, to state the facts and own how awesome you are. Right?
Heather: Exactly. Exactly.
Rhonda: I'm so glad that you addressed this because you're right. And then don't apologize for it. You've worked hard for the certifications, you worked hard for those awards, you worked hard for the experience and the time that you put in in whatever capacity that is. Let's just own it. Right?
Heather: Mm-hmm. Exactly. Exactly. And so, my favorite thing is whenever I coach somebody and they say, "Oh, my gosh, I got my resumé, I would hire myself." That's how you have to think of this. Like, I want to look so awesome that of course people are going to call me. Why wouldn't they? Because I've done all of these things. And I think as the more you do it, you kind of think of that first, you probably will feel a little odd about it. But again, you're just saying what happened. It is what it is.
Rhonda: And I think, too, it is hard to take a step back and really, even take an inventory of all the things that we've done, because sometimes in the midst of it, they either don't seem as important or we're emotional about certain aspects of it or whatever. And I remember one time I was talking to a friend; we were actually doing a similar exercise but for a different purpose. And the purpose was to put together a speaker profile and to say, "Okay, what experiences have I had and where have I spoken before?" And stuff like that.
Rhonda: And one of the women in there said, "Well, oh, my gosh, I forgot about the fact that I was on the radio once a week for like eight years or whatever. And it was many years ago." And I'm like, "Who cares? You can still put it on there. You don't have to put a date and the fact that..." I mean, but until we went through that prompting exercise, I said, "Let's think about some of these things." And we were like, "That's totally cool." Clearly, I mean, you had something to say. You still have something to say. People recognize that. They invited you to be on their show. We need to highlight that kind of stuff, you know?
Heather: Exactly, exactly. And the other thing too, is, when you're thinking about your jobs and taking care of your kids and being out of work for a while, one of the other things I'll hear is like, "Oh, well, I just did this," or, "I just did that." Like stop “justing” yourself. You did this. It's not, "Oh, I just stayed home with three kids for 15 years." Like, hello. That's a lot of work. So, yeah, don't use... If you catch yourself starting to use the word "just" in your vocabulary, even in your mind, stop doing that because you're minimizing whatever it is that you did accomplish. You're minimizing it to yourself, so you need to stop doing that and get the word "just" out of your vocabulary.
Rhonda: Totally. Oh, my gosh. High five. I agree. It's like, yes. And any of us who have stayed home even for a short period of time, know that going to work is a far easier gig.
Heather: It's a treat. It's like, I get to go to work.
Rhonda: It's a treat. Oh, my gosh, yeah. Totally. Yeah, it's hard work. Right?
Heather: Exactly.
Rhonda: So, I love where we have been able to take our time together and a couple of things. I always say that the intention with this is to leave women with a couple of tips or tools or thoughts that they didn't have before they hopped onto this podcast. But I also want to keep it in bite-size pieces so they can listen while they're either on the way to work or scrubbing the floor or working out or whatever. And so, it has come time to what I call kind of land the plane, which means I always like to end our podcast episodes with two things. One is your favorite quote related to the work that you do. And then, lastly, a client success story. So, let's start with, what is your favorite quote?
Heather: My favorite quote is actually a quote from Thomas Edison, and it says, "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." So, I actually toured his estate in Florida many years ago and I bought his biography and then I saw that quote and I was, "Yes. I love that quote." So that's kind of my motto, absolutely. So, it is work, but the thing is that it's also opportunities, so you need to take advantage of it.
Rhonda: Awesome. That's awesome. Love that. And share with us a client success story.
Heather: Sure. So, I worked with a lady that, she lives in the local area to me, so Northwestern Wisconsin where the weather is potentially less than desirable about six months out of the year. And she had gone through a divorce, she had raised her kids, and she was looking to get back into the workforce. She was very timid and almost afraid, again, of sharing her successes. And so, I worked with her, we went through this whole resumé process, building it from scratch because she didn't have one, she didn't need one. And to make a long story short, she actually got a new job and she now lives in California. So, she moved, which I think I should probably visit her, like in January. But, anyway...
Rhonda: That's a good business right off. Right? Woo-Hoo.
Heather: I know. I know. Yeah. But anyway, I mean, that changed her life. She moved. So, it had a really big impact. And if I even had a tiny bit of that, I love it. I absolutely love it.
Rhonda: Oh, I love that story. And I think the thing that I was thinking of, that the whole essence of this is, yeah, it's about having something practical and tangible at the end of this process, but it's confidence.
Heather: Mm-hmm. That's right. Exactly.
Rhonda: I mean, you are a professional resumé writer and confidence builder, right? Those two things together are so important. And I know that as women have gone through divorce or going through divorce, I mean, the one thing that gets probably impacted the most is their confidence for a variety of different reasons. And so, if you're listening to this podcast, I want to encourage you to take that step and start doing some of the things that we talked about in this episode to move you in the right direction of rebuilding your confidence, taking some time to become aware of what are your strengths and what am I good at and shifting your mindset. And then certainly, we'll include Heather's contact information in the show notes, Heather, and they can reach out to you for some additional support.
Rhonda: I know that you have a special offer here, which I'm super excited about. And so, for anybody that is listening, Heather has graciously offered to do a free resumé review. This is awesome. Thank you.
Heather: You're welcome.
Rhonda: So you can send your resumé to her, she'll provide you some information, tips and improvements so that you can move forward with your job search, and Heather's website …you know why don't you go ahead and share with us the website or the best way for them to contact you for the review.
Heather: Sure. So, my website is feather. So, it rhymes with Heather, but, feather-communications.com, and there is the hyphen between feather and communications. But my email address is on there, my phone number, they can connect with me. I have a Facebook business page as well if they want to send their resumé. I love giving people advice. And so, if your resumé is one year old, six months old or 16 years old, I don't care. Send it to me, I will look at it and say, "Here's some ideas for you, make the changes that you want." We can talk further if you want, but either way, I want to give them helpful, concrete tips so that they can move forward.
Rhonda: Thank you. It's women like you that I'm so grateful that we have in our community. It's like, "Hey, I'm going to give first and I know that women need what it is I have to offer and I'm willing to help them." So, thank you.
Heather: Sure. Absolutely.
Rhonda: Thank you for being one of our guests on the Divorce Conversations for Women podcast. And today's show has been sponsored by Courageous Contemplations, our online course. So, if you find yourself contemplating divorce, please check out www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/courses. Thank you for listening to this episode. I'd love for you to be part of the conversation. So simply comment on this episode, drop us a review on iTunes or get involved anytime at womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com. I'm Rhonda Noordyk, and I hope you know what you don't know about divorce.
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Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guest today was Dr. Heather Rothbauer-Wanish
Dr. Heather Rothbauer-Wanish has a BBA in management from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, an MBA from Lakeland College, and a Ph.D. in Organization and Management from Capella University. She LOVES helping people position themselves for today's job market. She can help boost your confidence by creating a resumé that helps you land your DREAM JOB.
Dr. Heather Rothbauer-Wanish
PhD, MBA, and a Certified Professional Resumé Writer
Owner and Founder | Feather Communications
heather@feather-communications.com | (715) 559-6378
Facebook | LinkedIn | YouTube
Resources Mentioned:
StrengthsFinder
DiSC Assessment
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Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the Founder & CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
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Sponsored by: Courageous Contemplation (online course)
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Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
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Rhonda: Welcome to this episode of Divorce Conversations for Women. I'm your host, Rhonda Noordyk. There's one common thread facing everyone that's contemplating divorce or even in the midst of divorce, and that is, you don't know what you don't know, right? So I want to make sure to ask the tough questions so that you can get the answers that you need.
In today's episode, we're going to dive into the topic of negotiation for women. This episode is sponsored by Courageous Contemplation, our online course. So, if you're contemplating divorce, I want you to check out womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/events.
I am so excited today. I am joined with Nicole Martin and John Tinghitella. To learn more about Nicole and John, we've linked their website and additional information in the show notes. You can also check out their website at www.nofearnegotiation.com. I want to get started here today. I am so excited that you guys are here because I feel like this is a topic that definitely deserves to have its own podcast episode. So, I'm a woman facing divorce, right? What's the one thing that we want the women that are listening to know about negotiating?
Nicole: It's so interesting, Rhonda, because I think that if you think of it with that directness of the question, the one thing I would say to a woman that's really thinking about negotiation is first the fact that it's a two-way discussion or conversation or exchange, and that they are worthy no matter what they are feeling or how they're feeling as they approach that table, that they are worthy equal in that conversation. And the question is, do they feel equal, first of all? Are they prepared in that conversation when they come forth? And are they also ready to listen? Because like I said, it's a two-way exchange. That's probably the first thing I would say. I don't know, John, what would you say?
John: I think that's a really good starting point. I think the power to listen is crucial to any successful negotiation. But to back up even another step, negotiation is just another word for managing relationships. Negotiation tends to have a negative connotation in a lot of people's minds, which creates resistance, which creates people not wanting to do it, which usually means they end up with a bad result because they kind of faded out when they should have leaned in. But that said, the ability to listen upfront is absolutely crucial. There's also a realistic connotation to negotiation that needs to be addressed and managed. It's the fact that negotiations, by their nature, are highly competitive, and we have to be careful in a negotiation to realize there's a clear winner and loser. This is not a ballgame with a time clock and a score at the end. This is people managing their lives going forward, and everyone has to leave, not so much with a victory, but everyone has to leave with what matters to them. And Rhonda, in your discipline of managing women through the extremely difficult dynamic of divorce, they tend to be highly competitive, highly adversarial, and a lot of times there are winners and losers, and that's just not healthy. It's a horrible outcome and our goal is to have positive outcomes.
Rhonda: And so I agree, and I love the perspective of it being built on relationships. I've got a client right now who is ... her attorney is a guy, then there's her husband and his attorney is a guy. And she's at the table feeling like nobody's listening to her. And so, the preparation part, I think, is super important, number one. And so I've been working behind the scenes with her to help prepare her to have some of those conversations. I think, Nicole, you mentioned the worthiness. Man, that is probably one of the most challenging pieces as women are going through divorce, their confidence has been shattered. Can we talk about the worthy piece? Do you have any suggestions or tips as they're going into this? And I don't like the whole fake it ‘til you make it thing, but I think ... Are there some specific things that women could be doing to build up, like, I'm worthy to have this conversation, and what I have to say is important?
Nicole: Well, and we actually kind of put forth three letters with what we do with our process within negotiation specifically, No Fear Negotiation. And the first letter is M, and M really stands for changing your mindset. And I think for women, especially going through relationships, I can recall a particular instance for myself personally where almost every relationship that I'd had where it had come to an end and I was leaving, my counterpart in that relationship had actually driven me to a place of guilt where you're feeling like you weren't working hard enough or you didn't do enough or you need ... this is your fault that you're letting go and you're the quitter or something to that effect. And I would say that the strength that you derive as a woman through that exchange knowing that you're not to be made to feel less than and that you have tried, and feeling justified in the fact that maybe you've tried and you've come to this decision, because surely for a woman, by the time she's had that conversation, she's thought about it probably for months, if not years prior. So, she's already separated herself from it, but she can be drawn back in or even worse, just emotionally brought down.
Nicole: And I would say for a woman that's coming into that exchange, it's really important from a worthiness perspective to honor your internal voice and what you know is right for you. And knowing and having faith that you're a child of God and that that other individual is special and a child of God as are you, and it's your responsibility to speak truth, and it's your responsibility to walk in your truth. And when you're walking in your truth and you speak from a place of love, not anger, not rage, but love, where probably ... and hopefully something started, you can still love somebody and not be in love with them. And if you can bring yourself back to that place of love for that other person, then you can hopefully look in the mirror and say, but more importantly, I love me and I know this is important for me, and for what reasons. And find a mantra that reinvests that voice in yourself so that you stay strong. Whether that'd be for you, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for children if you have children in your relationship. Do it for something outside of you that makes you strong. But you must get to the place where it comes from within.
Nicole: And sometimes, if you've been deceived or betrayed or you feel wronged, it's really important to talk to somebody else. And I think therapy is a great thing. I think getting a resource, somebody to talk out loud to help you reinforce you until you can reinforce yourself is, I think, critically important.
Rhonda: Huge. That's huge. That is really huge. And I think spot-on, right, to all of the things that you're saying, because I do think that most of the challenge when it comes to having these types of conversations and negotiating is a lot of that is our self-talk, right, and how we're showing up for the meetings. As I've been working with women, there was one girl in particular that comes to mind. I mean, she has just been full of guilt and feels super bad about her situation. And I mean pretty much couldn't talk about it without, I mean, doing the ugly cry. And we finally got her to a point where she could show up for the meetings, and still, there's some emotion, but it wasn't like that level of not being able to really clearly think through certain aspects of it. And she's a smart woman who has a lot to offer, but she needed to be able to show up in those meetings in that way. And I know that for her, that was a really big win. I felt like I could contribute.
Rhonda: Now, the challenge with that is when the other person or people in the meetings aren't used to that particular individual having a voice. There now becomes a level of ... a little bit of a ... it seems to be a little bit of a power struggle in those situations because they're used to being able to just dominate the conversation, and now she wants to be part of the conversation. She's got some good points to bring up, and so it's a whole new level of listening and hearing that is required on the other side as well.
Nicole: Right. We have to remember we can only control ourselves. And so, I see, more a woman who is at that table and she's maybe finding her voice and her inner strength. It's important to come, like I said, from a place of love because not everybody grows at the same pace. And so sometimes if you have a man across the table from you who you at some point in time loved and hopefully can still love, then you're coming to a place of maybe adding some extra words, some extra things that you prepare yourself to say to affirm that you respect the other individual. I think if you're coming at a place of disrespect, then yeah, you're going to trigger another individual. And so, one tip I can say just from working with human beings, in general, is to say the word “you”, actually, you should never say the word “you” in any negotiation or collaborative context, unless it's a compliment. You come to the place of I. And a woman can own her I voice all day long just as a man can.
Nicole: And as long as the woman is actually coming from a place of I, I feel, I expect, I would like, I have left with this feeling, I own, I all day long, and avoid the word “you” unless you're giving a compliment. And find other ways to wrap the conversation so you're not triggering an event of diagnosing somebody when you're not a doctor in a negotiation situation. What do you have to say about that, John?
John: And Rhonda, thinking rather than Nicole, what's important to keep in mind here too is the power of the letter M, as in mindset. Hopefully, mindsets have been changed before a divorce situation occurs, but if not, it's part of a lifelong evolution. And the thing about negotiation in our book, we call it a simple repeatable process to improve your life. And M is the first letter. It's changing of the mindset. And that's an easy thing to say and a really hard thing to do. There's been a 100,000 years of social programming where men have had the power differential in the world. We get that, we totally get that. To just ask a woman to snap her fingers and change her mindset overnight is highly unreasonable.
Nicole: Good luck, right?
Rhonda: It's not happening.
John: It's a possibility. And the idea of the mindset is you don't change it just to get through this divorce situation. You change it for the rest of your life and everything else that you do. Stop managing relationships. There's nothing about using negotiation tools to manage the relationship. And the idea here is we're pursuing great outcomes and we're preserving relationships. That's what we're trying to accomplish. And that's why M is so powerful as the starting point. As we go forward, there are two more letters. I'll let Nicole kick off the second letter here in just a second, but we have to start with the adjustment and evolution of a new mindset.
Rhonda: Well, and can I get one thing here quick?
Nicole: Yeah. Go, Rhonda.
Rhonda: I was looking at some of the great materials that you guys put together, and one of the things that I noticed that kind of resonated with me was the fact that 70% of people prefer to avoid negotiation. And if I could do a show of hands 5, 10 years ago, that was me, like, oh my gosh, just the thought of having to negotiate created anxiety for me because I didn't have the right mindset around that particular situation. But now that I have learned how to do that and I'm continuing to learn how to do that, it takes a little bit of the pressure off when we say, “Hey, listen. Let's look at this on how can we create win-win outcomes? How can we preserve relationships? How can we respect the”... I mean that's essentially what everybody wants. In an ideal world, we want to preserve relationships; we want to be heard; we want to respect other people; we want to be respected in return. Like, oh, that's the gold standard, right?
Rhonda: And yet, because we, particularly as women, don't know how, and probably many of the women that are listening to the podcast, right, you might not know how, but if you knew how you could do it, right? And so, I love the fact that it starts with the mindset piece, knowing that only 30% of the people really kind of embrace that, we have a lot of work to do.
Nicole: Yeah. And I think there's something that John and I really talked at length about, which is really this concept of the tension of opposites. And I think John could probably speak to it the best, but that we have to honor the fact that yeah, there is a tension of opposites, and I think ... John, you want to speak to that really quickly?
John: Absolutely. And I think we chose the phrase tension of opposites because we're actually quoting it out of a famous book, Tuesdays with Morrie, written by Mitch Albom. And in it, Morrie said, essentially, we all live in the middle. And life is like a set of rubber bands that we're pulling. But we essentially live in the middle. We're relatively normal people doing normal things. Unfortunately, we have a present-day media that is barking at us from the edges, but the whole world basically lives a relatively middle existence. And that tension of opposites speaks to how we need to approach people. We need to understand that everyone has a need and the power of listening. And this is more, I think quite frankly more of a guy evolution. But the power of listening creates the opportunity to find both of us in that middle. Once we find that common ground, we can negotiate effectively, because again, the whole objective here is that we get great outcomes and we preserve the relationship, which means we both have to, I won't use the word win, but we both have to flourish in this experience.
Rhonda: Yeah. Absolutely. So we've talked about the M, the mindset. What's the next one, Nicole?
Nicole: The next letter that we have is P, it's preparation. And I think we emphasized, John and I, the importance of preparation. And many people walk into situations daily not fully prepared and it only resorts to them being reactive, rather than proactive in what the outcome is going to be quite honest. And so, preparation is something where we say that we like to start with data. So how many women are actually coming to the table with data versus just their emotions? And we're not talking about data that's going to trigger emotion, that's going to put the other counterpart down. It's going to actually say, well, you didn't give me this and you didn't do that, because remember we said we're not going to use the word you. So we have to come back and say, okay, how do we start with data by saying I?
Nicole: And then confronting those emotions that you're bringing emotionally to the negotiation table, especially in a personal situation such as divorce. You must confront your emotions and you must try to get to the place where you're coming to the table unemotional and with love. And that may take a lot of preparation. That may take role-playing that may, that may take a lot of investment in time getting ready for that day, whatever that day might be, and become the other side. You must become the other side. You must think about where the other person's coming from. You must think about how they're feeling. You must actually reside in their shoes for a moment mentally to say, “what is this person trying to do out of this exchange? What do they need to walk away from?” And I think for women and men, it's really unique. We always say that men are motivated by results and that women are motivated by effort. And when you think of that, and we're coming to the conversation at the table, women can do the work if they have this process. We call it the PST: the process, the sequence, and the tools.
Nicole: So when you have the preparation of our PST, as we call it, process, sequence, and tools, right, so ladies, get your PST on, right, if you have that, then ultimately you're going to be able to come to the table without those emotions. You'll have some data, some facts. Hopefully, you'll be coming from both sides. You'll have a little information about what you hope or presume or think the other person wants and how you've taken that into consideration, and you're going to invent some options prepared in your mind, know what you're willing to accept, your thresholds, your tolerances, etc., and you're going to have bracketized offers, as we call it, meaning you've worked and done all the thinking to the point that you've come to the table unemotionally with actual options that are truly representative of both sides so you can kind of start to talk of a new alternative for you both of shared creation. That is really important. And I think ... John, why don't you talk about the key thing, which is most important, the final tip to our PST, as we call it, on preparation. I'd love for you to talk about just agenda.
John: Well, it's interesting. One of the great things about P being the second letter in our sequence is a data point of one I observed in my life certainly with the wonderful women in my life. They're amazing life preparers, and I never ... I mean guys sometimes marvel. They may not admit it, but they marvel at the ability to multitask and manage through a myriad of issues on a daily basis, and it takes enormous preparation to accomplish that. So I think preparation comes naturally to certainly most women that I know. And the great thing about doing the preparation in the sequence that Nicole laid out, in the book we use an arrow. It's a six-step process. The great thing about it is it creates muscle memory. And once you've done it once, it gets easier the second, third, fourth time. I'm someone who had to embrace negotiation early on. I was one of the 70%. I didn't want to do it. But as I did it, the muscle memory kicked in and it became rote for me to a point where I now embraced it.
John: And what Nicole was referring to with the last step of preparation, and this is, believe it or not, it's painfully simple. It's the formation of an agenda. I own a business now, but most of my career came from the sales or customer-facing end of the world, and I've made over 5,000 sales calls in my life. And virtually every time I did that, I had a piece of paper in my hand or something that laid out a few bullet points or a larger discussion of how we were going to frame this meeting. And in almost every single case, the other side would say, “Oh, thanks for bringing that. I'm glad you did that. Let's use that.” You have now subtly taken control of the meeting, not in a bad way, but you frame the discussion to where you believe it really needs to go. It is a simple and constantly overlooked tool that every time we bring it up we get people's eyebrows to raise because when it happens, it almost always creates an opportunity in an environment for great outcomes.
Rhonda: Right. No. This is fantastic. In preparation with data, this is something that very much resonates with me, and I want to encourage the women that are listening to really grab ahold of this, because I always say, listen, I don't want us to assume. I don't want us to assume that the other person isn't being honest. I don't want to assume that we don't have all the information, but I do want to encourage women. I want to encourage you to gather the facts, get the data, gather the statements, organize the information, ask questions. One of the tools that we use is a financial private investigator. If there are concerns from a local or national level that there is information that's missing, let's go run the report. Let's find the information. If it comes back and there isn't anything there, then we know. If there is, then we'll deal with that information as it becomes available.
Rhonda: But it becomes this ... The entire divorce process, I think if women can look at it as a fact-finding mission to say, “Hmm, isn't that interesting? Okay. Let's ask some more questions. Let's gather information.” I think they will really feel empowered as they're going through the process, because there's really four kinds of big rocks with that, finding the data, determining how to actually file for divorce. The next one is gathering all the financial documents, getting all the passwords, organizing all of that information. Then it's filling out the financial disclosure statements and all the paperwork associated with that, and doing a comparison between what their husband brings to the table and what they're bringing to the table as far as what they're disclosing. And then it's, okay, well, now we've got that information, we're going to put it into a property division worksheet and we're going to analyze that data, and then we're going to have some negotiation about what's in whose column. And then the last piece is the marital settlement agreement, that final divorce decree that we're going to again, analyze the data, review the facts, right?
Rhonda: So I want to encourage everybody that's listening to say, Hmm, isn't that interesting? This step, the mindset piece, huge, right? The data piece, super important to this process. Of all of the things, this could be related to the divorce process, one of the most important. And it's getting the data as early on as possible in the process because once you start to kind of go down that divorce path is when things start to sometimes move or shift around. So, the sooner you can get your hands on the data, the more prepared you're going to be as you go through the process. The average divorce process is 52 weeks. That's an entire year that women have to set and reframe their mindset, continue to gather data, right, which is an important piece of this whole process. I love that part, such an important piece.
Nicole: Well, and I think a lot of that was about the preparation, but as you're saying, we agree, preparation is probably the biggest weight emotionally or otherwise that you bring to any negotiation table. But really the fireworks can start to fly, I think, in any negotiation, especially in the context of a relationship, like divorce, when you're starting to ask for something. Nothing really is going to happen or hit the fan until that, right, John?
John: Absolutely.
Nicole: And we have a path to ask, and it's again, another one of our arrows in our process in our book, but it starts with that aspect of listening that comes to really getting to the other side. But I'm somebody that’s been ... I've been in relationships. I've never been divorced. But I can tell you even in the relationships that I had prior to the marriage that I have, it felt probably similar to what I imagined divorce to feel like because I'd lived with those people for years. And I think that John has a personal experience, and having him on this call is really important because he's a divorce survivor. And I think that someone who's been through this, been there, done that, can speak to it and maybe offer a unique lens to the women on the call because we really believe that the path to ask as we call it, which is where you listen, you precap, you think about all those options again and you start to build and make your case for what it is you're asking for.
Nicole: You have to be able to bring things to the table to help substantiate what you're asking for and why and recalibrate that potentially based on the give and take of the conversation in exchange. But then you're ultimately hoping to ask and receive. Stay in the bracket that you've designed in terms of your acceptance, what you can live with, and then ultimately the accountability of what we call the 24-hour rule. So John, I'm going to let you really walk through a story maybe that you can speak to on the path to ask and help the women as they might embark on their journey.
John: Absolutely. I'll use an example if you don't mind. It's non-divorce related. It's a business-related experience, but it's extremely relevant because the path to ask is really parallel in everything you do in life. And I'll make it relatively quick. I managed a wonderful young lady who became a sales manager for me a little over 25 years ago, and we had a very important customer in our world, who was extremely big and extremely difficult. And they prided themselves on being extremely hard. It was a high testosterone environment, extremely hard on anyone who walked in the door who was attempting to sell or supply them with products, which we were trying to do. In fact, they went so far and they were so bold and brazen about it they put a big sign over their door called Club Brutal, and the whole idea where you needed to know you were walking into a pretty nasty place.
John: But what made it even more insidious, Rhonda, is that it was guys roughing up guys. But on those rare occasions when a female sales manager would walk in the door, they prided themselves, and this is really, really, really terrible, it was institutional bullying. They prided themselves on getting the woman to cry. And so, this young woman, who's now working for me, I had been through the Club Brutal a few times and I had my scars, but I did all right, and I needed to work with her to prepare her for this experience. And she had certainly heard all the rumors throughout the market in the industry. And I asked her if she needed some assistance up there and she said, “No, no, I'll handle it. I got this.” But she wanted a lot of preparation, and we dove in for two solid weeks and we prepared. And we pushed every button there was to be pushed, and we did role-playing. We looked at every possible scenario, and she had more data than they could possibly imagine.
John: She went up there. She did her job, she got what she asked for, she nailed it, and she didn't cry. And from that day forward, we came up with the title for the book and that's why it's called, No Fear. That's the idea. It's a little anecdotal, but the idea of no fear is that we don't go in in a fearless, crazy way. We go in a no-fear environment where we have more preparation on our path to ask. So, when we get to the point of asking, it works. The third letter in our three-letter sequence is the A. The hardest part of negotiation is the ask. All of what we've done here, every bit of mindset change, preparation, walking the path to get there, is meaningless unless at that point in time someone asks for something.
Rhonda: Absolutely. Well, I am so excited to be able to dive into that a little bit deeper. We're just going to take a quick break and we'll come back and talk about, in detail, how do we ask, right, and how do we prepare for that ask. So, I know that both of you, John and Nicole, have shared some really great tips around negotiating and I want to explore that further in just a second.
But first, a reminder that today's show is sponsored by Courageous Contemplations. It is a great place for you to start if you are contemplating divorce. And as Nicole said, you can stay in that spot for months, sometimes even years, and this is going to give you a clear pathway to know what you need to know before you make that final decision on whether you're going to stay or whether you're going to go. So, with that, you can check out that Courageous Contemplation course, www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/events.
So back to the show. So let's go ahead and dive a little bit deeper into the third key pillar that you talk about, which is ask. Give us some tips around how to do that.
Nicole: I think that when you think of the path to ask, and obviously John gave a great example of how it works in the context of a business scenario, which everybody can relate to, and I think what happens is in a business scenario, sometimes women can come into that logically and unemotionally. But when you come into your personal relationships, just like men, we are all extremely emotional. I think it's fair to say that we really need to think about what we're experiencing, which is in some cases it can be traumatic, it can be sudden, it can be grief-stricken. And I think most of us if you're not the one that's initiating the divorce, you could be stuck in some of the stages of grief. And the first stage of grief, which I'm sure many have heard of is denial. And you certainly don't want to come to a negotiation table when you're stuck in denial, and you certainly don't want to go into a negotiation table when you're in the second stage of grief, which is anger. You really want to get through those first stages of grief. However, you need to work through those stages of grief, before you approach the bargaining table.
Nicole: But I think once you reach the third stage of grief where you're bargaining, a woman has already worked through, as far as I'm concerned, this is hard to say, but women go through hurt. You might cry when you realize something's not changing. Something's not changing and then you have to come through the hope. I think all women work through the hope that “Oh, this can change.” And then they ride that wave for a while. And then there's this sad day when you ... and that's denial for me. And then you get to this stage someday where you realize, “Oh okay, this isn't going to change.” And then you might get angry, and you get angry at the other person. You guys might fight and battle, and that could have led to months or years in a relationship, right, Rhonda? So, it's like you’ve got years of this, and that could be that second stage where you're working through just being angry with someone because they're not working with you. And how could they be doing this to you? And again, it's that you statement. How could you do this to me?
Nicole: And instead of coming back to the place of power and self advocacy and control, which women are not necessarily good at, and that's something we say is critical to the path to ask, as a woman to come to this place of bargaining and not a place of not complacency or not caring, sometimes women go straight from denial and anger to, I don't care, which is a defense mechanism. And so, you need to come back from that to a place of no, self-advocacy. I care enough to care enough about me and you so that we can move through this. And that bargaining approach, coming to that table at that stage, that's when you're ready to start with the path to ask.
Rhonda: Well, and I have ... The place of complacency, I want to address that for just a minute, because how I see that manifest with the women that are in the early stages of divorce is, “Oh, everything's going to be amicable. He said he's going to give me this. He said he's going to do this.” So they kind of check out, right? It's from a place of really believing that the other person has their best interest in mind, but I think women are doing a disservice to themselves if they stay in that spot, because I will say all day long, “Hey, if this thing ends up being amicable and you guys are in a spot where it really does go smoothly, I will be the first person to celebrate with you. However, my experience tells me that that isn't always the case. And so, we're going to plan as if…” Right? I want them to be involved. I don't want them to be complacent. I want them asking those questions. I want them to have the right mindset. I want them to be prepared, and they're going to be in a better spot to have those conversations.
Nicole: Absolutely. And I think people ... Part of the preparation process that we're talking about, especially something specific with divorce is preparing yourself that you're going to have feelings even when you get to the bargaining table, even if you've thought you've worked through this already. And so, I want John to be able to speak to that a little bit, which is you're still working through stages of grief. I mean be prepared for the fact that you're going to feel something, and you may still feel like a great loss and a great sadness. And John, can you speak to that a little bit in terms of the path to ask and stages of grief?
John: Absolutely. I think it's crucial when you're at this stage going through the various stages of grief, you're in this theoretical bargaining phase. And one thing that is so crucial, I believe, for women to be conscious of is this is a highly emotional life-changing, sea changing experience you're going through right now. It is crucial you stay in the process, stay in the process. We're talking about MPA here. We've asked you to adjust your mindset. We've asked you to do a deep dive of preparation, which you're probably exceedingly good at. So, you've got a lot going on. You are ready; you are on the path to ask; and, you're at that point where things are now going back and forth and there's give and there's take, and it's easy to jump out of the process because you just want it to be over. The hard part of the final part of the path to ask is staying in your bracket. We call it that because as Nicole mentioned earlier, in preparation, we create these bracketized offers and we use the phrase bracketized to emphasize that you're not going to drift out of your bracket. You've created what makes sense. I have a great offer; I have a realistic offer; I have a fallback offer, but I'm not leaving that bracket. I'm not saying okay at the final minute just because I want to go home and make this stop.
John: Same thing is true in a business negotiation except multiplied by 1,000 here because of the extreme emotional environment that we're dealing with. It's the same basic desire to just get over it because I don't want to do this in the first place. It's crucial to stay in that process because if you changed your mindset, if you fortified yourself with great preparation. You are ready and you are okay. You're ready to have a great outcome and manage this relationship forward. At that point, the asking becomes much, much easier. But the key recommendation for me is number one, staying in the process, and number two, this is a criticism, sometimes women are guilty of, don't overthink it.
John: Now, we know that there's a lot going on here. There's a lot of missiles flying through the air. If you can stay in your process and don't overthink what the downstream implications can be, even though some of that is absolutely crucial, I think I've observed certainly with women in my life, the overthinking, or the ability to overthink themselves out of what's right, and then a disagreement with themselves down the road. “Why didn't I do that?” I see it all the time with women in business, who overthink the desire to increase their compensation in their particular job. They've overthought it so much, they've talked themselves in and out of it to a point where they won't get to the point of asking. So many times women are guilty of that. Again, my two, stay in the process, don't overthink.
Rhonda: One of the things ... and I love that. One of the things I wrote down, John, was to set realistic expectations for the people that they're working with. And what I mean by that is I think a lot of times through the divorce process, women are expecting their attorneys, in particular, to do the negotiating for them. And I don't know that that's a realistic expectation. There may be times when the attorney will negotiate, but the women are really the ones who need to do all of the things that we talked about and come to the table prepared. And a lot of times I'm working with them behind the scenes to help prepare them to come to the table and have those conversations. So, I wouldn't say that they have to do it on their own, but I would say, setting those realistic expectations for the attorney that they're working with, for their financial expert, even with their therapist. Those are the three core professions that I feel like should come and surround you if you're going through divorce, right, at minimum, because you need this team of people. But you've got to set realistic expectations for them as well and know that the bulk of the responsibility will fall on you because you're the one who needs to really come to the table prepared.
John: Exactly, Rhonda. And I would summarize that. I think you said it very, very well. I'd summarize that by saying don't outsource the expectations. The attorney, he or she is the go-between. They may be the mouthpiece. They may be the hired gun, so to speak, but they don't decide. You decide, and you utilize their strengths in the back and forth. And sometimes it can get a little rough but don't outsize your own expectations. You own that.
Rhonda: That is a tweetable quote right there, John. Yes. Don't outsource the expectations. Absolutely. And I think it comes with being able to communicate those expectations, which is having those assertive conversations that Nicole, you were alluding to those I statements, right, and just making sure that you can ... I always say divorce is two things. It's managing risk and managing expectations. And if you can do those two things, you are going to be able to navigate through a really challenging and difficult process as unscathed as possible.
John: Absolutely.
Rhonda: Oh my gosh, this has been so awesome. And I have to say that I think I'm going to have to go get your book because I'm looking forward to just really diving even a little bit deeper in some of these conversations.
Nicole: Well, you’ll like that it's practical, Rhonda. It's a short read. We made it that way on purpose. And the reason we did that, John and I are coming from a collaboration from a male/female perspective obviously, our partnership in writing this book together and setting it forth. But I think that we made it practical and referenceable, so you'll pick it up again and again and kind of plug yourself into the arrows and the process, as we call it. And the reason is because we hope that you create a habit of negotiation and we actually hope that you take this forth as a new tool, and it's something we intentionally avoided, Rhonda, telling you, do it this way, go about it this way, do this. It's much more about giving you the process, the sequence, and the tool so you can plug yourself into it and bring the magnificence of you. Like John said, don't outsource that, own it. Bring you, based and grounded in humility and confidence and self-advocacy and self-love on to that place of healing, and plug yourself into a proven process that's simple and repeatable and hit the bargaining table ready. I mean the book is meant to be used - not theory. It's practical. So we love hearing that you're going to pick it up. We hope it empowers you and takes you forward.
Rhonda: Yeah. Absolutely. Oh my goodness, this is so great. I think it's, again, it's such a great topic. But as we kind of, as I say, land the plane, right, during our time together, I first want to just say thank you so much for sharing your brilliance, your expertise, your passion, your candidness, your vulnerability with my audience. Any final thoughts, closing remarks, as we kind of wrap up our time together?
John: I'd just like to say one quick thing and then I'll hand it off to my partner here. I think part of this experience too, we end the book at a place where we realize women are tremendous life coaches to people in their life, both young and old, but for the young people coming up, particularly women mentoring boys, emphasize how important it is for them to evolve to a point where they eventually in their life, they need to respect girls and absolutely come from a place of decency and respect and build your life, your business life, your personal life with that in mind. I think we can do better there as a society, and it is getting better. I observe it all the time, but we can continue to do better.
Nicole: I love how ... and John has been saying that since the beginning, Rhonda. I'm a mother of boys and I love knowing that we can have that invitation and receive it and see it forth, as well, as women. As somebody who has been through trauma and somebody who has survived trauma and been through loss and come out on the other side through positive healing, even exited people from the workplace, right, Rhonda, and I have some of those people I have fired become Facebook friends. How do you move forth from things whole? And so I'm going to give you my favorite quote, which I live by and I'm going to hope that it helps every woman that you're working with come to this place, which is, “Presence is more important than just being present. And I think that if a woman thinks of her presence, the power of her presence, the brightness of her presence, the vision and the dream of what she sets forth, how does she project love and light, and how can she move forth whole? What does she need to do to replenish her presence?”
Nicole: And if she can do that, if she can find the ways, whatever it takes to fill her soul cup and replenish her presence, she shall be whole. And she shall go forth and she shall help another soul. And I think that every woman, no matter how much she's hurting right now, she just regards her presence, honors her presence, and I believe good God bless Louise Hay, what you feel you can heal. Feel it. Honor your feelings. Even if you're speaking to someone your truth, like I said in a negotiation and you happen to cry, you know what, God bless it. Let somebody see how you feel, but make sure it's coming from love, not anger, and honor your presence and move forward. And I would leave a woman with that.
Rhonda: I love that. I would like to give a huge thank you to Nicole and John for being our guests today. If you'd like to get in touch with them, feel free to check out their website, www.nofearnegotiation.com. We've also linked their bios and some additional resources and information in the show notes, so be sure to check that out. Today's episode has been sponsored by Courageous Contemplation, our online course. So if you find yourself contemplating divorce, I want you to check out womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/events.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of divorce conversations for women. I'd love to have you as part of the conversation. Simply comment on this episode. Drop us a review on iTunes or get involved anytime at www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com. I'm Rhonda Noordyk and I help you know what you don't know about divorce.
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Contact Information and Other Resources
Our guests today were Nicole Martin and John Tinghitella
No Fear Negotiations for Women
Nicole Martin is Chief Empowerment Officer and Founder of HRBoost, LLC, an HR Shared Services consulting firm based in Chicago, Illinois. Her business has been honored by multiple organizations including most recently as a 2017 Annual Awardee for Business Excellence by the Daily Herald Business Ledger, and a 2016 Enterprising Women of the Year Champion by Enterprising Women Magazine. A sought-after expert, her knowledge and advice have been featured in newspapers and magazines throughout the country. Recent publications in which she has been seen include Forbes.com, the Daily Herald Business Ledger, and Fast Company. Nicole has authored, PWN International Literary Award and #1 Amazon Best Seller, The Talent Emergency, the accompanying Talent Emergency Guidebook, The Human Side of Profitability, and The Power of Joy & Purpose.
Nicole serves on Advisory Boards dedicated to Best & Brightest® Companies to Work For, Social Service in the community and Women in Business. To learn more about Nicole, go to www.hrboost.com or www.nicolemartin.live
nmartin@hrboost.com | (847) 736-5085 x 103
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John's career has taken him from the trenches of sales management, to the corner office, to owning his own business so he can realize his vision for success. A self-described "sales guy," he combines a strong sense for the creative solution with a keen focus on building relationships. Collaborative negotiation is his lifelong passion. He's observed first-hand the unfairness of how much women contribute versus the rewards…which typically go to men. His negotiation message is the culmination of a career spent learning, applying, adapting, and giving back.
johnt@rvdesigner.com | (845) 313-7747
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Our host of Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast is Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Rhonda Noordyk's relentless pursuit of financial justice for women going through divorce drove her to leave the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women's Financial Wellness Center. She was in search of a better way. She used her knowledge, passion, and experience to build a leading-edge business model. The intention was to create a business that provided a safe place for women - especially those in a vulnerable position - to find their paths, find their voices and find the financial confidence they need to lift themselves out of seemingly hopeless situations. Since starting the Women’s Financial Wellness Center, after a 10+ year career in the financial industry, she has helped alleviate financial vulnerability for thousands of women.
In addition to being the Founder & CEO of The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, Rhonda is also a professional speaker. While her platform is women’s money wellness, it is not just about money. Her topics include: assertive communication, boundaries, leadership and overcoming financial myths. Her speaking experience includes: GE Healthcare, UWM Women’s Leadership Conference and Marquette Law School. In addition, she has appeared on Fox6 News, Real Milwaukee, and Morning Blend. Her dynamic and inspirational style leaves women with a sense of empowerment.
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO | The Women's Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com | (262) 522-1502
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
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Sponsored by: Courageous Contemplation (online course)
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Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
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In today's episode, we discuss:
- Get out of the muck with a plan. I use a formula that I call 15-30-90-18.
- Confidence is not a trait; it's a skill. We get out of difficult situations by having the confidence that we can. Confidence is triggered by taking a step, then another, then another. Progress creates confidence. Just. Take. One. Step.
- Look for happiness in the simple things of everyday life while dealing with the challenges of divorce, single motherhood, dealing with the comparison trap.
Confidence is a Skill, Not a Trait
Rhonda: Welcome to this episode of Divorce Conversations for Women. I'm your host, Rhonda Noordyk. There is one common thread facing every woman that is going through or contemplating divorce. You don't know what you don't know, right. So I want to make sure that we are asking the tough questions to get you the answers that you need. In today's episode, we are going to dive into the topic of confidence. This episode is sponsored by the Women's Financial Wellness Center online course. Be sure to check out our website under the events tab. I'm joined today by my friend Aleta Norris. She is not only the co-founder of Living as a Leader, but she's also the founder of a new women's community called Women Who Spark to learn more about Aleta. We have linked her website and LinkedIn bio in the show notes, so be sure to check those out. So, Aleta, I want to thank you for joining us today.
Aleta: Well thanks for having me, Rhonda.
Rhonda: So I want to start by saying and essentially asking a question. So for the women that are listening that are facing a divorce, certainly confidence is a big part of the journey. So what is one thing that you would want them to know about confidence?
Aleta: Well, so first of all, you're right, Rhonda. Confidence is a really significant element in a divorce experience. And I've scarcely met a woman, myself included, who has navigated divorce, who hasn't taken a hit to her confidence. And it's a good time to remind women that confidence is not something that you either have or don't have. It's not a trait. Confidence is, in fact, a skill and it's something that we can develop over time. We can build strength in our confidence just as we can build strength in our body by waking up every day and moving our body and exercising our body.
Aleta: Confidence is very similar. If we wake up every day and we take some kind of step or some kind of action and then the next day we take another step and the next day we take another step. What we'll find is that progress that we're making will help us begin to either strengthen or regain some of the confidence that we're certainly predictably going to lose when we go through a life experience as traumatic as a divorce.
Rhonda: Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Well, and I think there are so many great opportunities for us in our lives where we can look back and say, "Oh my gosh, wow, how did I get to this point?" Right.
Aleta: Right.
Rhonda: It isn't something that happens overnight. And I remember a couple of years ago I ran across a formula that was talking about confidence and it said, "Knowledge + Experience = Confidence. Knowledge plus experience equals confidence." And to your point it's like, Hey, you know what? There is certainly the knowledge piece or the theory behind certain things and then there's actually putting it into practice. And the confidence is certainly no different, especially for women that either hasn't gone through a divorce before or this divorce that they're facing is different than any of the previous ones. It's certainly important.
Rhonda: So one of the things that you and I have talked about is just your own journey in going through this process. And I just think of you as a very confident person and to your point, it's not something we wake up and say, "Hey, I'm confident." It's a learned skill. And so thinking back to your situation and your divorce experience, share with us a little bit about what role confidence played in that for you?
Aleta: Well, so first of all, it's really interesting, Rhonda, what you said is that you've always viewed me as a confident person, and we've known each other in the business community for a very long time. And one of the things that I'm becoming more and more aware of is just how many confident-looking women we interact with on a regular basis who are in fact are struggling with their confidence. And we struggle with confidence in a variety of ways. One might be that simply, innately who we are as a person, we're more of a timid, tentative woman than others might be. Right. And then some of us, our confidence takes a hit when we experience something like divorce and I know a lot of women as well. And, and I think this probably pertains to all of us where we have confidence in some areas of our life, every single day.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm
Aleta: In other areas of our lives where we struggle with confidence because to your point, maybe we don't have as much knowledge in that particular area or as much experience. When I went through my two divorces, not just one. I've gone through two divorces, both of them very unfortunate and certainly not ever expected. What became really evident to me is that while I remained confident as a businesswoman, I really struggled with confidence as a woman, as a mother, as head of my household. And it's very easy to get caught up in kind of a rabbit hole of negativity or insecurity where we wake up every day and suddenly everybody all around us is a happy, intact family.
Aleta: And it took me a long time to work my way to a place of confidence as a family, you know, as the leader of my family, where I was able to step away from some of the comparison trap and I was able to step away from every day waking up, feeling disappointed in myself. And afraid of the future. And certainly financial fear was a really big part of my lack of confidence. So that confidence in one part of my life and my business co-existed every day with my kind of flailing confidence on the personal side of my life. And fortunately, it didn't last forever, but wow. That divorce season that is really a tough one to get through.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm. Well, I like what you mentioned because I think a lot of times we like to lump it together to say, well, I'm not confident in this area. So, therefore, I'm not confident. But that's not necessarily true. As you experienced man, you're over on the business side confident. Why? Because you know, you've got the experience, you're in your wheelhouse, you've got people that believe in. And then you're on this uncharted territory where you're feeling unsettled and whatever. Right? And so if you're listening to the podcast on confidence, I want to give you permission to say, first of all, it's normal to have things that are going to challenge your confidence along the way, number one. Number two, it doesn't mean that you're not a confident person. It just may mean that for the season you have some challenges.
Rhonda: And also, let's draw on the strength of those areas where we say, "Hey, I'm confident in this area. Man, are there things that I'm doing in my business, personal, professional life, whatever it is that I can draw on to pull into these other areas." Because I mean, as you mentioned, confidence is a skill, right? So it doesn't mean that we have to leave those skills at the door. Just because now we walked through the door at home. Right?
Aleta: Right. Oh yeah, absolutely.
Rhonda: Yeah. So I think that's really powerful and the confidence piece being, a skilled trade I think is super important. I think the other component of that, which really ties nicely into the community and the tribe that you're building, which is women who spark. It's okay, well where can you surround yourself with people that are going to believe in you that are going to be positive, that are going to love on you in the midst of a really challenging time and making those choices to be around the people that can help you.
Aleta: Right? Absolutely. And every day at least one or two women in the Women Who Spark Facebook community and if anybody's interested, Women Who Spark Tribe is a Facebook community where women can come and join together to be mutually supportive, encouraging, positive, inspiring, and on almost a daily basis someone in the community says, "I feel so much better since I've been a part of this community." Because every day when somebody is vulnerable enough to share in one of their comments, or even in a unique post. To share that they're struggling with something or they're afraid of something.
Aleta: Boy, I'll tell you these other women in the tribe, they just come out like mama bears. And embrace this woman who's needing encouragement. And I would reinforce to anybody who's perhaps going through a season that has affected their level of confidence that you are not alone. Every single one of us, we're struggling with something. We have fear of something. It's different for each one of us, but we're not alone. And that's what's so wonderful about kind of forming together who your people are going to be. Who are you going to turn to, to be your support team when you're crossing your desert. When it's your turn right to do the desert crossing. And we need people who believe in us.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I think the one thing that always makes me really sad is for the women that feel like they have to do life alone or they have to walk through a divorce alone. And it's just, they don't have to, you can dial in the level of support that you need. I mean, I have seen and believe that every woman should have a core team of people. It should be the family law attorney, the financial expert and a therapist. And then you'll have a lot of other great resources and people outside of that. But that's kind of that core nucleus of people. And that becomes three of the five probably people that you spend the most time with as you're going through a divorce, right? Because it is the season and so often I will say, well, if you want to decide that you want to travel this journey alone and that's your prerogative, just know that I'm here if and when you decide that you want help.
Rhonda: When you know what's ahead and you know the pain that's ahead and you know the challenges and you know the questions and all that stuff, it's kind of like parenting, right? It's really hard to let them go knowing what's ahead for them. But then also, knowing, Hey, I'm here when you decide if and when you want help. So I think women a lot of times feel like they have to do stuff on their own, even though they have friends and they reach out. I still feel like there's this aspect of like, well I'll just figure it out. Which there's power in that, right? Yeah, we can figure it out. But what about the things that you don't even know that you should be asking? Right. That's where the real challenges lie.
Aleta: Oh absolutely. And thank heavens you are here providing the service that you are because I don't care if a woman is in a marriage or not in a marriage or midlife or late life. One of the most common challenging areas of life that I continue to hear about from women is related to their finances. And so many women do not know some of the simplest ... We might even call them hacks, right? Or tricks or micro habits that they can weave into their life plan to be able to be on a, on a solid footing. And, and we need experts like you not only who know what you're doing, but who bring a demeanor to the situation that is a blend of empathy with pragmatic ideas and strategies to make progress in that area.
Aleta: And when I was ... One of the things I recall going through my second divorce. I was 40 years old, I was in a very difficult financial situation because of, just a host of circumstances. And I went to meet with a financial planner. He happened to be a very wealthy, kind of midlife man. And here he was talking to me. I was a disaster and he reprimanded me for my recklessness and I'm already kind of out and down. The last thing I needed a professional kind of letting me have it for my lack of savvy at that stage of my life.
Aleta: So I'm grateful. I'm grateful for all of these women that they have you with your professionalism and your demeanor to be able to help them navigate an area of their lives that they're probably not expert in.
Rhonda: Yeah, I mean for sure. And to your point, it's like my goodness. I mean I think women are usually hard enough on themselves already with certain situations that yeah, that only makes it more difficult. Right. So, but I mean I think it's focusing on the knowledge because women make really good decisions when they have all of the information. And it's awesome to see as they kind of get through that and get their footing. And I always tell people it's like, yeah, one of the most important things, as you're going through a divorce, is a budget. And it's never sexy or glamorous because I mean it's not fun, but it helps answer all the what-if questions and helps you navigate through what's next. And so, I'm glad that you are certainly on the other side of that and can attest to. Yeah, there, there certainly will be some challenges along the way.
Rhonda: So one of the things that I want to do is I know that you had mentioned that you have a formula for helping people and I want to just take a quick break and then we're going to come back and we're going to talk about your for real that you use called the 15, 30, 40, 18. And I can't wait to hear what that's all about. So stay tuned.
Rhonda: So, but first before we hear from Aleta, I just want to take a moment and remind you that today's show is sponsored by Courageous Contemplation. If you're listening to this podcast and you are, gosh considering divorce but haven't maybe told anybody and you are just looking for some guidance and direction, be sure to check out womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/events. That course is designed to provide you with eight modules to help you navigate through all the questions you need. Should you stay or should you go?
Rhonda: So back to the show. So Aleta, goodness, share with us this formula. I can't wait to hear what this is all about.
Formula 15, 30, 90, 18
Aleta: So, this formula is going to sound like a lot of numbers because that's what it is, 15, 30, 90, 18. And let's work backward. So I love 18-month timeframes. I share it with anybody who's struggling with something. Or we might even look at a woman who wants to up-level an area of her life. And, and the first thing I like to start with is to look, 18 months from now, and put that date on your calendar, write it on stick notes. Keep it visible in front of you. So for example, right now, today is October 14th, 18 months from now is April 14th, 2021 and I call that the magical date because 18 months is a very comfortable amount of time to really turn things around.
Aleta: So if you're in a bad season right now, and we're talking about divorce, 18 months from now you're going to be in a much better place as long as you are ready to start doing some work. So then the next number working backward is 90 and so 90 days is a really good framework for putting together a plan. So 90-day plans. So in the course of 18 months, we can run six 90 day plans. And I like to work with quarters, right? So we're right now we're in the fourth quarter of 2019. So what would be a really wonderful thing is if everybody had a plan for the fourth quarter of 2019. Here's what I want to accomplish during this 90-day stretch. And if I continue to build a 90-day plan and I do it over and over and over again, six times. Again, 18 months from now, I'm going to be on that magical, Oh my gosh, things really are better kind of a date.
Aleta: So running a 90-day plan. Now, 90 days is a long time to monitor goal accomplishments. So again, working backward, our next number is 30. And so 30 days is what I like to look at relative to tracking goals. So financially we might say, well, each quarter what I'd like to be able to achieve financially is to pay down this much debt and put away this much more in my investments in. And so now when I look 30 days, I can determine and I, in fact, achieving my goals in monthly increments. Did I pay off all my credit cards? Did I stay within my means? Did I stick to my monthly budget? Did I just push the envelope a bit on what I could put into my savings? And was this a successful month?
Aleta: So the 30 days is goal tracking. The 90 days is the planning and the 18 is the magical month or the magical date. So then coming all the way back to our first number, which is 15, 15 is that daily planning. And so the habit of planning either the beginning of your day, maybe during your morning routine or at the end of your day. Let's call that during your evening routine, can you get out your to-do list or get out your journal or chuck your paperwork or look at your calendar and make sure that you are following the goals that you have set for yourself. And because Rhonda you help women with the financial aspect of their life. Every single day we can sit down and say, "Okay, what do I need to remind myself of for today? I'm going to take a lunch to work. I'm not going to go out for lunch as much as I want to walk by a store and wander in to buy something, I'm not going to let myself because I've got goals to meet for the month so that I can meet my 90-day plan. So that 18 months from now I'm not feeling the same stress and anxiety or dissatisfaction that I'm feeling right now."
Aleta: So in a nutshell, that's the plan and that's what I did. And every 18 months, every year and a half to two years, I was making really nice progress. But I needed to do that when I was in the worst of my financial challenges. Following two back to back divorces. I even said no on a regular basis. I said no to my kids. They said, "Mom, can we swing through McDonald's and just get a burger and fries?" And I said, "No we can't." Because if I do that then it's going to knock me off-plan. We've got less expensive things to eat at home, in the cupboard. So that's what we're going to do.
Rhonda: Yeah.
Aleta: The plan helps you say no to things.
Rhonda: Well and I love this because here's the thing, if we take a look at this related to the divorce process, we know that the national average of how long it takes to go through the divorce process is 12 months. Now certainly, there are going to be some that are more than that. There are going to be some that are less than that. But on average it's about a year. And I think that it's hard to put ... I mean, a year seems like a long time when you're in that spot. As those 18 months. However, if we looked at it saying, okay, 18 months from now, theoretically I should be done with this process.
Rhonda: So what do I want to do in my next six 90 day cycles? I love that because I think that ... Because even when you said 18 right, we started with the 18 months. I felt this sense of heaviness. Like, okay. And I think people have a hard time staying focused for that long. I mean, you know, and so to break it down into these 90-day cycles and then break it down and break it down from there just seems a lot more doable. And I think it'll help them to see the progress in the 90 days, celebrate it, tweak, adjust, and then move on. Yeah, energetically that just feels so much better.
Aleta: Well, and to your point, Rhonda, I know that some people are not wired for a process-oriented approach to navigating their way out of a difficult situation. But I'll tell you, I've not seen a situation, I'm 56 years old. I've had many friends go through a divorce. I have not seen a situation where friends of mine have painted a bright future for themselves by just waking up every day and getting through another day.
Rhonda: Mm-mm
Aleta: There has to be a plan. We as women, we have to step up and take control of our lives so that eventually 5 or 10 years in the future, we can look back and say, "Holy smokes, that was a tough time. But I did the work. I got myself back on track and look at me now, look at what a great place I'm in." And that does not happen by accident.
Rhonda: Mm-mm. No, it doesn't. And kind of like to, you know, to the Mel Robbins, right philosophy of like, five, four, three, two, one. Get up and do it and take action because the action is what's going to help build momentum. It's going to create those new habits. And honestly, if women are really honest with themselves, this probably is going to be an opportunity for them to do a lot of things that they have always wanted to do. But they were either too afraid or didn't have the platform or felt bad about doing it or whatever. And this is going to give them an opportunity to say, "Okay, well, while vision boards are valuable and I think they're important. I think also having the tactical aspects of it is important as well." So this really gives the women that are listening, a really great formula for helping them navigate through.
Rhonda: And I just look forward to seeing and hearing some of the stories of women that utilize this approach and where they're at 18 months from now. On the other set of divorce. Hopefully having some clarity, feeling focused. Oh that would make my day.
Aleta: Yes, yeah. And you just mentioned a vision board, well 18 months that in this whole formula, that's simply the concept. That's the concept of I'm going to be in a better place as long as I do the work. I think it would be fantastic for women to build an 18 month vision board.
Rhonda: Yep.
Aleta: Relative to their life on the other side of divorce. What does it look like? And hopefully it has a lot of joy represented on the board.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Oh my goodness, this is so awesome. Well, as we wrap up our time together today, Aleta. I always like to end with two things. One is a client success story and then lastly is your favorite quote. So share with us a brief client success story that would really resonate with the women that are listening.
Client Success Story Aleta: Well, one that I really am grateful about...for my client. Now I'm not a money expert like you are Rhonda, but I'm a money geek. I love, I just, I love accumulating money. I love not spending money. And I had a customer who in the midst of a number of things that she was struggling with, was really putting her head in the sand about her financial situation. And she had balances on about 10 credit cards and she was very stressed about it and also wasn't saving money as consistently as she needed to be. She was buying, you know, she was trying to buy some happiness and contentment. And so I said, "Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to spend as much time as we need to go through every single one of your credit cards. We're going to log your balances, your interest rates, the terms, and we're going to put together a plan."
Aleta: And I spent about 90 minutes with her. I built her a spreadsheet and by the end of that call we had come up with the order in which those credit cards needed to be paid off. She needed to transfer some balances to some 0% cards and believe it or not. The 18 month timeframe is what she needed based on her income to be able to pay off every single credit card.
Aleta: I'll tell you, her confidence skyrocketed from the beginning of that 90-minute phone call till the end and when she got on the call she may as well have been Eeyore. She was just so despondent about it and so ... And she was embarrassed and probably felt some shame for getting to where she was. At the end of the phone call. She was like a different person.
Rhonda: That's awesome.
Aleta: She was so excited. She had a plan and that was about four months ago and she is ahead of plan and you would know this as well as anyone. That one practice of getting a handle on what your financial situation actually specifically is. That helped her to add more joy to every other aspect of her life and everything got better because of one 90 minute planning session.
Rhonda: Yeah, that's awesome. Well and again, like I said, earlier in the podcast, right? I mean women when they have the right information and support make really good decisions. And I love that you were able to help her navigate through some of that. And again, she saw, Hey, I've got the knowledge now of what to do. I have some experience in doing it, knowing that I also have somebody who's walking along with me and wow, look at it now. My confidence is soaring. So that's awesome.
Rhonda: Well, I would like to thank you, Aleta, for being our guests today. If you'd like to touch base with her, check out her website and again, LinkedIn profile is going to be in the show notes. I know that she's got a lot of exciting things on her website as well. You can check out the Women Who Spark Facebook group if you haven't had a chance to do that yet, and she's also got a course that is launching as well.
Rhonda: So today's show has been sponsored by Courageous Contemplation, our online course. So if you're contemplating divorce, please go ahead and check out the website at womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/events. I want to thank you for listening to this episode of Divorce Conversations for Women. I trust that you found our time together, inspirational, and you also left with a couple of really great practical things that you can apply immediately.
Rhonda: I'd love to have you be part of the conversation. Simply comment on this episode. Drop us a review on iTunes or get involved with us anytime at my website at womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com. I'm Rhonda Noordyk, and I hope you know what you don't know about divorce.
Contact Information
About our Guest . . .
Aleta Norris
Co-Founder of Living As A Leader
Founder of Women Who Spark
(414) 708-1472
aletanorris@gmail.com
Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube | Twitter
Aleta Norris is the co-Founder of Living As A Leader, a national leadership training and coaching organization and the Founder of Women Who Spark, an organization dedicated to positivity and productivity of women. She has five adult children, a husband, and a Goldendoodle. Aleta connects with women, not because she has lived a model life, but because she has crossed a few deserts and waded through the muck. She is twice divorced and raised her kids for almost twenty years as a single mom. She is committed to helping women be the best they can be regardless of their life circumstances.
About our Host . . .
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
CEO
The Women's Financial Wellness Center
(262) 522-1502
rhonda@wfwcllc.com
Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube | Twitter
Schedule a FREE 30-Minute Phone Call
Sponsored by: Courageous Contemplation (online course)
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
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In this episode, we discuss:
- The importance of a Wealth Coordination Account
- Understanding long-term planning for your long-term future
- Resources and tips related to understanding your knowledge gap
Rhonda: All right. Well, thank you so much for joining us for another episode. And I am so excited to be able to introduce to you my friend, Paul Adams. And he and I met via LinkedIn. All good things start there. And there was something about your profile that just captured my attention and I actually didn't even really know what you did when I said, "Hey, let's connect." And so, you are the Founder and CEO of an organization called Sound Financial Group. And you're also a fellow podcaster and entrepreneur.
Paul: Indeed.
Rhonda: And so, I just want to thank you for taking time to join us today.
Paul: I got to tell you, I'm so happy to be here. Just our phone conversations we've had leading up to this, and you mentioned about creating a friendship. And I even was talking to my wife this morning and saying, "Yeah, I'm going to be on a friend's podcast this morning." And it was just like, "Oh, yeah, that's kind of nice." Versus somebody has a show somewhere that asked me to be on it. It just felt wonderful and warm and just getting a chance to reconnect this morning.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I have certainly been in the financial industry and you are with an organization that happens to be in their headquarters in Milwaukee.
Paul: Yeah, at the very beginning of my career.
Rhonda: Right. Right, at the very beginning of your career. So, I just want to take some time and share, what are some of the trends that you're seeing? Obviously, our focus is women.
Paul: And I think that if, for any of us, it's where is my knowledge gap? And when I say knowledge, I mean the capacity to act, not just understand it. If we were thinking of it like parachuting, understanding would be like, "I know the plane goes up to 13,000 feet, somebody jumps, they count to 10, they pull this thing here, and then they steer themselves with two cables they hold in their right and left hand, and it pulled them both down near the ground and they land." That's understanding.
Paul: Knowledge is hurling yourself into the abyss and landing and not dying. That is the difference. And I think people tend to collapse the understanding and knowledge. And especially when we're divorced, prior to that, it may have been, at least we see this often, I don't know about you, but we'll see oftentimes that the wife will handle a ton of the bills, and then the husband tends to handle a lot of the long-term strategy and investments. And they both have an understanding of the other one.
Paul: Now, it's a lot easier for the divorced husband to get a handle on the bills because it's a fast iteration cycle. They got to deal with the bills every 30 days. So, I don't know, after doing it for four or five months, you're back on plane and you know what you're doing. But when there is this... And it really is one of the longest feedback loops we deal with in our entire life. It's a 40-year feedback loop from 22 to 65. You have one time that you get feedback, and filling a glass of water, we're all used to it. We've all gotten our hands wet as kids when we overfill the glass, that we're listening and feeling the weight of the glass, and we turn off the spigot at the right time.
Paul: If you perform really badly at work, somebody's going to let you know in a few weeks. You eat too much, over 7 to 10 days, you'll actually start gaining weight, and the feedback is in the scale. Bad behavior in all those areas equals bad short-term outcome.
Paul: Here's the problem. With money, the feedback loop is like a negative feedback loop in that you can make bad decisions with money. And know how they feel in the short run? Awesome. It feels so good. You can get the brightness on your kids' eyes because you got them a cool new toy. Or all the Instagram likes because of the killer vacation you went on. All those things feel wonderful. The new car smell. Nice, so wonderful. And those are all things that, in the long run, the one-time feedback loop is you spend the rest of your life in some version of poverty below what you would have chosen.
Paul: And so, one of the things we have to do is get those shorter iterations occurring through these coaching conversations around money so that everyone, and I think divorced women are particularly susceptible to having somebody that looks trustworthy, somebody who's super friendly, who's a friend of a friend, who may just be selling product. And one of the things we encourage people to think about is, is the advisor's revenue model only you acquiring product from them?
Paul: And if that is their primary revenue model and they're not charging you a fee upfront so that they can support their business and themselves without needing to sell you a product, then that should give you at least a moment of pause, to stop and reflect and say, "Is there a chance that products could be recommended to me because of the advisor's revenue model, not because of what's right for me?" And not that the advisors are unethical or making bad decisions, any of that. It's just that, clearly, they can't work with 100 clients and not have any of them acquire product.
Paul: But we and some other advisors out there, will do something similar to that, where we charge a fee upfront. It retains us for that first year, which is that timeline of a divorce. It never occurred to me how those line up that way. And then we coach them throughout the year, and we may meet them as many as 15 times over the first year, but that primary coaching to get spooled up and get all the things corrected in their financial life, et cetera, not counting ushering them through the divorce is about 6 to 10 meetings over about 10 to 14 weeks.
Rhonda: Yeah. And I think that's spot on. Prudential did a longitudinal study. And what they found was that it was the knowledge plus experience that really helps the women build the confidence. Because if you have the knowledge without the experience, that's theory. If you have the experience without the knowledge, then you're just going through things hoping that you're not making too many mistakes.
Paul: I was going that was a terrible idea, I shouldn't do that again.
Rhonda: But it's those two things when they can work in tandem that really helps women build the confidence. And when I think that is one thing that, as we look at some of these studies, women have a great opportunity to step into power as it relates to their financial lives. It's just that they may not have had the experience because, statistically speaking, and you alluded to this, women are doing the day to day stuff, but they aren't necessarily as involved in the big picture things. And so, when they're thrust into that environment, it's uncomfortable and overwhelming and intimidating and all of those kinds of things all at once. Right?
Paul: And I think there's probably a lot of domains that are that way. The trouble about the long-term planning for your long-term future is that's the one thing out of all the things that are coming at women going through divorce, it's the one thing that they really can, in the short run, put their head in the sand and avoid all the negative consequences. They are coming, but they're not here yet. And so, they can deal with all the things that are urgent and forget the things that are necessary.
Rhonda: Yeah. Well, and I think too, it's history. Like you said, the feedback loop is so long, and even from the time that they got married until potentially the time that they're getting divorced, there's all of those habits and behaviors that they're now dealing with. Plus, let's face it, everything's always goes back to our childhood. There's always some connection between, "Hey, this is my attitude and belief about money as a kid. Here was how it was modeled. I brought that into the marriage. Now somebody always has to take the lead, and now I'm thrust into having to take the lead myself." You know?
Paul: Yes. Yeah. And, you're right, it's so tough for them to make that gear shift. And we recommend people do something that's super subtle, easy, anybody can start it. Anyone of your listeners can do this right after the call. And we talk about the importance of somebody really understanding their own freedom and agency and choice. And we need to take that back immediately in people's lives around their money.
Rhonda: Yep.
Paul: Financial institutions ideally would like you to take your regular household checking and start choosing a financial product that you can automatically deposit via bank draft to. And we teach our clients to set up a separate checking account whose only purpose is to purchase assets. That's it. It shouldn't be buying anything else. It only buys assets. And we define an asset. An asset is anything that puts money in your pocket now or has the ability to put money in your pocket later.
Paul: And it doesn't matter if it's just $25 a month. To shorten that feedback loop, we're simply saying we're going to put in $25 here and that is for my long-term wealth building. And then I'm going to put in $25 next month here. Now, for some people in some amounts of wealth, it might be 1000, it might be 2000, we have clients it's $30,000 a month they're doing. The key, and for the women that we've helped journey through getting their financial knowledge up to where they are financially during the divorce, is simply having a wealth coordination account means that when those payments start coming in, they realize, "Well, my bills are only 10,000 but I just got a $20,000 support payment during the trial period." Great. Let's just put that 10,000 aside.
Paul: If the divorce attorneys are not saying that you need to keep your monthly spending up for a period of time while we finish the divorce. And then when they're complete and the divorce element goes in, where do most people put that first check? It's like there is a million dollars of liquidation. I guess I just go put it in my checking account if they haven't been working with a coach.
Rhonda: Right.
Paul: And whenever money goes in the household checking account, whether it's for a couple or a single individual, some of it is bound to get lost in the sauce of life. And by just putting it in the wealth coordination account, now you're sitting there and you're like, "Well heck, I don't know what assets I'm going to buy." But if you're resolved it's going to buy assets. At least it's not buying liabilities. Little steps here. We're not talking about big complicated things. Let's just make sure we don't buy stuff that costs us more in the future.
Rhonda: And I love that. And you have a podcast episode that you focus specifically on that concept. As I was listening to some of your podcasts, that was one that really resonated with me because it's simple and it's not requiring women to make a big decision right now.
Paul: Yes, that's right. Yes. The cognitive load of somebody saying, "Let's budget for this financial tool, and this is the financial tool you should use," being collapsed. The cognitive load is so high in making that decision versus simply being able to say, "Oh, all I need to do is set the money aside. I'll figure out what it purchases later." You make a good point. I was going to see if I could quickly find the name of that episode. So give me just a second, because I'm sure your audience right now is thinking to themselves, "Don't say that's a great episode of Paul's, not tell us."
Rhonda: That's right. Yes.
Paul: So, my podcast is Your Business Your Wealth. That's episode 131, Wealth Coordination Account.
Rhonda: Perfect. And that reminded me too, this was a woman that I had met with a couple of years ago, and I was actually still in the financial industry at that point. And I remember, she had lost her husband. It was actually she was a widow, not a divorcee. But the concept is still similar. And I was so frustrated because there were two companies, two advisors from two separate companies, that were literally swarming her like vultures. And there was the one guy who called her probably every single day, literally called her every day. And I was like, "Okay, timeout. I'm going to encourage you to do nothing." And anybody who knows our personalities, would we ever tell somebody to do nothing?
Paul: Nope.
Rhonda: But in this case it made sense, just hang tight. Okay? You do not have to make a decision today, and you don't even have to make a decision tomorrow. Give yourself some space and permission, space and permission to just be.
Paul: We are raised as kids with that, don't just stand there, do something. But sometimes we need to be, don't just do something, stand there. And that one's a lot harder. It's always easy to make a move. It's real tough to just sit with it and go, "Okay, I'm going to think about it for a while. I'm going to plan." And I think that example of those two advisors, I'm going to go out on a crazy limb here and say probably neither of those advisers had gotten an upfront annual engagement, some kind of retainer, to then be able to coach her throughout the year. They were calling, they had pitched a product, and they were calling to say, "Are you ready to execute on the product yet? Are you ready to execute on the product yet? How are things going? Do you want to meet for lunch? Because at some point during lunch I'll just bring up the product again."
Paul: That is how that normally goes. And I know because that's how I was trained originally. That's exactly the process I went through as an advisor. And it took a lot to escape the gravitational pull of all those practices to have a different way to be able to serve and engage clients.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. And so that's why I think, yeah, that wealth coordination account, it's simple, it's easy. Again, they can go to whatever bank or credit union they're currently using and say, "Hey, I just need to set up." And finding, to that point, finding a bank that gives you the opportunity to go into one dashboard, see what you have going on, and set up those really simple automatic contributions to their wealth accumulation account.
Paul: And the one thing that we do say a little different, if people want to put some amount that's regular and automatic going into the wealth coordination account, we're a fan of that. We also say, by the way, this is going to sound a little bit heretical to people who are more steeped in finance. We say it ought to be a checking account, we don't care what the interest is, because when you buy an asset you've got to write a check, so you better have a checking account you're writing it from, otherwise it has a chance to flow through another account that could be a consumption account. Once it's in there, you want it to be sacrosanct, it's an asset purchasing tool. And then, ultimately, we'll have enough assets to have enough passive income to not reach retirement.
Paul: We don't talk with our clients about retirement, in fact our first conversation with clients that we currently call our philosophy conversation. We're thinking about changing it to the unretirement talk, and why we should not be pursuing a retirement, because most people who have done something with their lives and added value to the marketplace don't plan on doing that for 40 years so they can just stop doing any of it. In fact, you wanted just maybe change the mode of doing it. You might want to do it for a charitable cause, you might want to just do it differently. But people want to continue to add value to their world and their overall community. So why would we say retire? Because that word means something's put up on the shelf and is no longer of use. I don't want to feel that way one day. And nor do most of our clients. And when they relate to it that way, no wonder they don't want to plan for it.
Paul: So, we just talk about planning for what we call DFI or definite financial independence. When we can get passive income to exceed existing bills, then if you choose to work, you just keep working. We're just going to save 100% of your income. You don't have to be dependent on it anymore because you're living off your passive income. Total paradigm shift. And the financial institutions would rather you just build up a huge pool of money and be really insecure that it's not enough so that they can get all the asset management fees on it, all that. And they're not like black helicopter conspiracy about it, they're just being normal players in the free market. And we just need to equip our clients with knowledge and hopefully some of your listeners with this knowledge to say just set up a wealth coordination account, add money every month, and the last thing I was going to mention, do some of it every month that is you moving it intentionally. Because if you move it intentionally, then every month you have to pause and at least consider your long-term financial wellbeing. And if you do that once a month, you are now doing that, I forget what the stats are, but it's something like for many people, they're only really looking at their planning sometimes once every two years to once every five years.
Paul: There's the old saying, "People spend more time planning a family vacation than their long-term financial wellbeing." Well now you're having to at least consider, or have it hit your radar once a month, which right there we find changes people's financial lives if they do nothing else, just saying, "This is going to go into my assets." And then when somebody comes up and says, "Hey, we got some financial products you should buy," you just look to your wealth coordination account, it's like, "Well this is how much I have to put in that thing." You don't have that second part of cognitive load of how do I afford it, and should I do it or not? Now you can actually think much more clearly because your money's already set aside to do assets or not. And now you're just turning to say, "Is this right for me?"
Rhonda: Right. And I remember back, this was in the early 2000s, that was when the book Cashflow Quadrant came out, by Robert Kiyosaki. Super classic book that I recommend to everybody because I think it's an easy read. And I think it's something that really helps people get their mind around, okay, well there are two different types of income. There's going to be the active income, job, self-employed, and there's going to be passive income as a business that's generating passive income, and investments.
Rhonda: And so, if the listeners have not checked that out, we'll include that in the show notes as well. But it's just a great book to reprogram our mind about passive income.
Paul: Yes. I remember reading it, it's kind of funny, I was actually temporarily disabled when I first got exposed to Robert Kiyosaki's stuff. I'd fallen off a horse and shattered an internal organ, and a lot of internal bleeding. So, you're in a massive amount of pain while organs heal, and bleeding is absorbed. So, I guess graphic warning for this podcast, I don't know. But I was on a pretty significant amount of painkillers for about a month after this accident. And I remember reading Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad, Poor Dad and Cashflow Quadrant during that window. And I would read, and I'd go, "I don't remember anything I just read the last five pages." And I have to read them again. And I think I read the books first time through, three times each.
Paul: But instilled me this idea that there are things we buy that are assets and there are things that we buy that are liabilities. And by simply understanding the difference between the two, we end up, here's one, we teach our clients that their primary residence is not an asset, never is. Now, it can be if it goes up a lot in value and you decide to move. But we said something that puts money in your pocket now or in the future without changing your lifestyle.
Paul: So, you can move from Seattle, say, to Gilbert, Arizona. If you have any listeners in Gilbert, Arizona, I mean no offense. But in Gilbert, Arizona you can buy the same size house for a lot less money than Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, but it's definitely a different lifestyle. So, your primary residence, if you think it's an asset, even if it's paid off, just stop paying your property taxes and the real owner of that asset will eventually knock on your door and politely demand you pay your taxes. That is an example of why we don't consider it an asset.
Paul: Now, it probably is a good idea to have a paid off house at some point in the future, lowest possible cost of just providing shelter for yourself and your family. But I've watched women during a divorce hurt themselves financially significantly because they had this, they got a spouse, they've got this concern, that concern, and then what will sometimes happen is they really have a demand of, "I need to stay in this house." And it's like, between the two of you, you were making $800,000 a year, you're going to have some kind of settlement, but you're making 200 of the 800. You should not stay in a home that you afforded at $800,000 a year. You stay in the same neighborhood, we could do all kinds of stuff, but let's not trick ourselves into thinking it's an asset. That's something that, no offense to the realtors that are listeners, but the real estate overall complex has made us want to think it's our biggest investment, when in fact, for most people, their home is actually their biggest liability. Maybe one you should have. I'm not saying you shouldn't own a home ever, that would be crazy. But people just automatically slip into these habits that have been part of society.
Paul: Have you heard the story of the little girl who asked her mom about the Christmas ham? Have I told you that before?
Rhonda: No.
Paul: I hope this is fun and interesting for your audience. Sometimes we have financial practices, things you grew up with. You talked earlier, Rhonda, about children and the way we picked up habits and how our parents talked about money, et cetera. Well, there's this little girl and her mom is baking the Christmas ham. And she's prepping it and putting all the rubs on it and all that, and then right before she puts it in the pan, she cuts off the ends, both ends of the ham. And then plops it in the pan and puts it in the oven. She says, "Mom, I understand why you did all the rest of the stuff. Why did you cut off the ends of the ham?" She says, "You know, I don't know. You should ask Grandma."
Paul: So, Grandma comes over for dinner that night, and she says, "Grandma, why is it mom cuts off the ends of the ham right before she puts it? I understood everything else. Why does she cut off the ends of the ham?" She says, "You know, I don't remember why. I just know my mom always did it." So, a little bit later, Great-Grandma comes from the nursing home, comes over for dinner that night. And she goes, "Great-Grandma, I watched mom and she cut off the ends of the ham. Then I talked to Grandma and why she cuts off the end of the ham, and neither one of them remembered why they do it. Why did you do it?" She says, "Oh, honey, we were poor. I didn't have a pan big enough to hold a ham, so I had to cut off the ends to make it fit."
Paul: And yet, how many people are still making financial relationship decisions or decisions about their own personal confidence about navigating the world by themselves because of an inherited mindset that is just as unimportant as cutting off the ends of that ham? And these mindsets go unexamined for people all the time. And that's what I love about what you do, frankly, is helping women engage and think through that mindset. That is something and the thing that attracted me to you is that idea of nobody else is teaching this that I could find. And I looked.
Rhonda: Yeah, it's awesome. And just to wrap up the ham thing, I love the ends, don't cut off the ends.
Paul: I'm the same way. I love the burnt ends of a brownie in a pan, the ends of a ham for sure.
Rhonda: I mean, don't cut those off. Right? And yet, though, I think there's... Gosh, that story even goes deeper. Right? It's like, yeah, you know what? We do things because of perhaps the way that we have been taught to do them and we don't know why we do them. And, yeah, what are those things in our life where we are shortchanging ourselves or we're cutting off the best parts? Because we're not taking the time to really evaluate what it is that we bring to the table and why we do it. So, I love that analogy because I think it makes a really great point related to the financial aspect.
Paul: Yeah. I think your point is good. That it almost wears on you a little more. What could have been in the ends, mindset-wise, for that entire family.
Rhonda: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Paul: That does remind me of something that we put together for your audience, is we have a white paper that we give folks sometimes called The Three Money Mistakes No One Talks About and Six Things You Can Do About Them. And we actually have that set up on our website.
Rhonda: Awesome.
Paul: It'd be super easy for your audience to get to. You can get it at SFGWA, that's Sound Financial Group, WA, like Whiskey Alpha, dot com/rhonda. And right there, there's just going to be a page where you can drop in your email address and it will just shoot you this white paper. And, for anybody that just thinks they would also get benefit from it, you get a copy of my last book via PDF if they just check that box also, then we'll email them a copy of my last book, Sound Financial Advice.
Rhonda: Awesome. Thank you so much. I'm part of an organization called eWomenNetwork and one of their principles, so their focus is helping one million women achieve one million dollars in annual reoccurring revenue. But one of their main principles is give first. And I have to be honest, when we first met, you embraced that principle. And I'm used to being the one who gives first. It was actually like, okay, I love that. Right? I don't think there are enough people who say, "I'm going to give first," not asking for anything in return.
Paul: Yes.
Rhonda: And I really appreciate that.
Paul: Yeah, you're welcome. And maybe for folks in the audience, if any of you are thinking about making that shift in life about the give first piece, I'd never really thought about this before, Rhonda, but something you said there just hit me like a ton of bricks, is that for us to be able to give first we had to have created probably a lot of value for others beforehand because then we're just... For instance, great example is if I hadn't been writing books for years, I wouldn't have a book I could give away now. We sell it, people can find it on Amazon, it's called Sound Financial Advice. But we have another one releasing later this year. So, if I wasn't writing books or if I only wrote one book ever, we would never have the ability to do the giveaway.
Paul: And so, we have to create value in the marketplace and in the world first before we can help people first. Because we've all had those people say, "I think I'd really like to help you here," but they have no skill set in that domain. And then you find yourself being offered help and then you're like, "Gosh, I got to look at this knucklehead and figure out what they're good at and what I could do with them. And now you've just created more costs for me in trying to help you." As opposed to somebody being able to listen well enough and say, "I think you might need help in one or two of these areas and I can specifically make a difference for you there." It's a totally different way to help people. And thank you for the acknowledgement around that.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, this has been super fun. I always like to wrap up our time together with two things. One is favorite client success story, and then finally your favorite quote.
Paul: Ooh, okay.
Rhonda: I know, you only can pick one.
Paul: I know. Is it okay if I use one for myself?
Rhonda: Sure. Absolutely.
Paul: I got to do one fun one and then I'll answer your question seriously. So, my fun one is actually a quote that our social media team put out, which is, "I really don't like complimenting myself, but I don't not like it so much that I won't do it in this space." And they put that out on Twitter and Instagram. I was like, "I believe I said it, but gosh, it looked weird in print."
Paul: So favorite client success story is actually a woman that was introduced to me who was getting divorced, married to someone who is a very domineering relationship, from what I could take away. And I don't envy anybody on either side of a divorce at all. It's just hard. No way about it. This is somebody you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with and now you're not going to. And all the hurt and shame or doubting yourself, "Did I make a terrible decision?" All this stuff that comes in. It's just terrible.
Paul: And I watched her over the course of a year, as we engaged, go through one conversation after the next and coaching her, letting her know she's doing great. She's handling herself well. She let the husband say all the crazy things he wanted to say, which included things to the children that were not. And what people may not know who are listeners, is we work with clients all over the country. So, this woman is on the other side of the country from me. We're connecting via Zoom meeting, and we're just walking her through step by step this entire process.
Paul: Okay, when's the next trigger date where something's going to happen? Great. Do you want to talk to me right before that or right after that? Emails coming through, et cetera. And I had a chance to see her the other day. She has now chosen to set up her own business. She was an employee before. Stepping into the world of entrepreneurship. Next introduction is actually to get engaged with the Women's Center for Financial Wellness, just to get some of that additional coaching and confidence around her business. And she has done such an amazing job to actually fully understand what she's doing, where the money is, from being so timid and scared, to now being confident and growing more confident every time I speak to her. And now the things she complains about are the busyness of life with family visiting in town. And no longer the, "Am I going to be okay or what's going to happen?" And that's my favorite story right now.
Paul: And then my favorite quote actually is a quote from John Maxwell, if you're familiar with him, kind of general leadership guru. And my favorite quote from him is, "If you're curious what your future is going to look like, look at your habits and practices today. If you're going to change your future, change your habits."
Rhonda: I love that. I love that, because that's exactly it. Right? Their future's going to look different and so, yeah, how can we be positioning our thoughts and attitudes and beliefs right now that are going to impact the future? And of course, anything by John Maxwell is always awesome.
Paul: Yeah, that guy. And I know it to be right. I've had a chance to see him speak several times in person, and, gosh, he just such a great way about him. One of my favorite things about the way he speaks is he just looks like he's sort of making it up at the time. But when you've seen him multiple times, you realize he has laid everything out from dropping the note cards, to all of it. He has taken it on as a real performance he's doing. Not for his own sake to look good, but rather everything is crafted around impacting the people he gets a chance to interface with. I also think it's a lot of what you do, Rhonda, in that in our time together you've always taken super seriously, and you know it's kind of like life or death with the women that you work with that you have a chance to help them set themselves in a new direction and make a difference for them forever based upon just being coached by you and your organization for a year, and their whole lives could be different.
Rhonda: Yeah, for sure.
Paul: That doesn't exist out there the same way for these women that you deliver. And I love it. So, I'm so glad I could be here with you today.
Rhonda: Yeah, thank you so much. Hey, this has been awesome. Certainly, if folks want to connect with you, they can reach out, grab that white paper. We'll include all your contact info in the show notes. But I just want to thank you for taking time out of your also busy, crazy schedule to chat with us today.
Paul: You're so welcome, and it's a pleasure to be here.
QUOTE: "I really don't like complimenting myself, but I don't not like it so much that I won't do it in this space." – Paul Adams
"If you're curious what your future is going to look like, look at your habits and practices today. If you're going to change your future, change your habits." – John Maxwell
RESOURCES:
The Three Money Mistakes No One Talks About and Six Things You Can Do About Them
Cashflow Quadrant by Robert T. Kiyosaki
Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki
Sound Financial Advice by Paul Adams
Podcast: Your Business Your Wealth Episode 131: Wealth Coordination Account: Big Wealth, Small Business with Paul Adams and Cory Sheperd
CONTACT INFORMATION:
Paul Adams
CEO & Founder
Sound Financial Group
info@sfgwa.com
(855) 578-8724
LinkedIn | Facebook | Instagram
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
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In this episode, we discuss:
- How to position yourself to prepare for dating after divorce
- How to set yourself up for success when you enter the dating arena
- Tips on first dates
Rhonda: Thank you so much for joining us for another episode. I am delighted to be able to have a very special guest on with us today. It's interesting because we are going to be talking about dating. You might be thinking, "Okay, Rhonda, I'm super overwhelmed and just really having a challenging time." This is probably one of the last things that you feel like you want to talk about. But as I was thinking about who to bring on, I really think that this is an important conversation. The reason for that is because when I started my business, gosh, five years ago, the why on why I was doing my business is actually different or a little different than the reason that I'm doing it today. The reason that I started my business was because, hey, I just really felt emotionally compelled to wanting to help people that were in a challenging spot. There were a lot of things that had, had happened in my childhood that I can relate to. The feeling of abandonment, the feeling of frustration, the feeling of overwhelm.
Rhonda: A lot of that came from my dad being an alcoholic and just seeing the dynamic that my parents had. Well, recently, I celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary and it's really prompted me to be thinking about my why. I believe that my why has shifted in a sense that I want women to really experience what I have. My husband, there isn't a day that he doesn't get up and say something complimentary like, "Hey, good morning beautiful, good morning whatever, right?" He's just a very kind, respectful, thoughtful person. It's prompted me after two decades to really reflect on where we're at, and I was not in that spot 20 years ago. I was a mess and the consistency that he has brought to my life has allowed me to be able to do what I'm doing. Really, Lori, the passion for this conversation comes from me wanting for other women what I have. Unfortunately, my husband doesn't have any brothers, so this is where you come in.
Lori: It's wonderful out there.
Rhonda: Thank you.
Lori: Yes, I'm the brother that you don't ever have.
Rhonda: That's right, you know. I want to introduce our listeners to Lori Mendelsohn and she is the owner and founder of SmartFunnySingle, and she has over 33 years in the fashion industry and 12 years as an award-winning entrepreneur. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Lori: Rhonda, it is so my pleasure and I also want to thank you, first of all, for having me on and giving me this opportunity to talk and share about experiences that I have gone through from divorce. Again, I want to thank you for your help in helping me get through that divorce and introducing me to someone who could help me in that path, my attorney. I don't know if you recall the day that we met, I stood up and I had just experienced domestic abuse for the first time and I knew that that was the pivotal point that my marriage was over, and I was scared. You walked up to me and you told me that you could help me, and I will never forget that moment because my head was just spinning and reeling, and I was so afraid and so discombobulated. I don't use that word that often and destabilized and you helped me at that moment. That was when I really needed help, I didn't know what to do. I was terrified, so thank you.
Rhonda: You are most welcome. Yeah, I do remember that, and I have goosebumps just having you share that because I remember exactly where we were.
Lori: Yeah. Well, I'd like to share what happened if I could. It'll just take a second.
Rhonda: Yeah.
Lori: I was invited by a mutual friend to a networking event, and every woman stood up and had a minute spiel about her business, and I stood up and I started to talk about my business. I said, "I experienced domestic abuse for the first time today. My husband just put his fist through the kitchen sink and hit it and I'm afraid that that's going to be my head and I don't know what to do, and I don't know if I can even go home." I started crying and it was a very powerful moment and you were there and, again, thank you.
Rhonda: I'm glad that you mentioned that because you are somebody, and I know that we haven't known each other for a really long time but we've known each other long enough that you get a really good sense of people. Here you are, an accomplished business owner, a woman who I think people really view as having her shit together. I don't even swear on my podcast.
Rhonda: You are a confident person, you'd have some really great successes in your business, right?
Lori: Yep, very successful.
Rhonda: Right and here you are feeling like, "Oh my gosh, everything's now unraveling or I'm feeling frustrated, I'm feeling afraid." The domestic violence piece of it doesn't see different barriers. Doesn't see economic barriers, doesn't... I mean, it surpasses all of those things. From a perspective, from an outside perspective in and not from what I see through this, but I think a lot of people will say, "Well she's going to have access to resources, she's resourceful, she's going to..." But in that moment, you're not thinking clearly. You maybe don't have all the resources that you need as you're going through divorce. Like you're focused on your business, and you know what, I think it's just an encouragement, I think, for women to say, "Hey, listen, it is okay when we find ourselves in that vulnerable spot, the question is what do we do with it?"
Lori: Right.
Rhonda: There's a quote by Kristin Armstrong, which is just one of my absolute favorites, which is "when you find yourself in a vulnerable spot, the best thing that you can do is surround yourself with the strongest, finest, most positive people that you can find." That has been something that I have built my business on over the last five years, I implicitly believe that that's true. Because you don't want to be taken advantage of, and it's just really important that you find that team of people that can come alongside and support you in whatever fashion that looks like, and whatever support that you feel like you need.
Lori: Agreed.
Rhonda: I think that that's just a really powerful testimony for the women that are listening that our feeling like overwhelmed or feel shame or feel sad or whatever, it's okay to feel those emotions. The question becomes, "Yeah, what are we going to do with it?"
Lori: Right. It's funny, after this whole thing happened and I went to my hairdresser, he used a very different quote which was Winston Churchill's which is "when you're in the middle of battle, you keep going." I'm one of those people who has pretty much been self-supportive, self-propelled that, "Well, I can figure all this out on my own. I really don't need any help." I found when I released that, that there are people who wanted to help me, it made things so much easier. That there is a weight and just sitting here talking to you about this, Rhonda, I just relaxed when I said that. I'm getting goosebumps now because when you release it, you allow others who want to help, help you and it gives them a gift as well and that's very powerful.
Rhonda: I remember you also mentioned to me something about you just felt like you were in the midst of trying to swim through murky waters. You kept trying... Do you remember telling me that?
Lori: Yes, but it was I felt like I was swimming through mud, and I felt like I was swimming through mud literally for about a year. After he moved out, after the divorce, after rebuilding, after figuring out, "Okay, I can't keep swimming in this pool, I need to see daylight again. I need to get myself out of this."
Rhonda: Yeah. We've said this on other podcasts too, it's like women have told me, and I'm sure that you would attest this too, it's like nobody would even wish this on their worst enemy. It is by far one of the most challenging things that people have to go through, and especially, for women. Not just women, but we have our own unique set of challenges that come with us. I think it's exciting to see that you are on the other side of it and now you have within the last, what has it been, last year or so?
Lori: Yes.
Rhonda: Been doing your own business?
Lori: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Rhonda: Tell us a little bit about that journey and how you got to this place now and then we'll dive into some tips on dating?
Lori: Sure. Speaking about going through divorce myself, so a little bit of background. This was my third marriage, and this was the marriage that I really wanted to last my lifetime. To me, divorce wasn't ever going to be an option, but it started unraveling to the point that we were just two people living in the same household. I had a sense that something was up with him but, of course, he denied it. We went for therapy and our journey together was, "Well, let's try to work it out." But I realized afterwards that I was the one who wanted to work it out because he had other things going on in the background. But I, at the time of our marriage, I had transitioned from a 33-year fashion career where I was designing for a lot of very large companies in New York and LA. The company that I was working for, New Berlin, Wisconsin, closed the division that I was heading up and designing.
Lori: It was at the height of the recession in 2008 and I started a dog walking business. There were no jobs to be had, and I figured, "Okay, well if I'm going to be miserable, I may as well be around animals." I started walking dog and over the course of nine and a half years, built the business to be the largest and highest awarded in the State of Wisconsin. I had 30 employees at one time, and we had about 4500 active clients.
Rhonda: Wow.
Lori: It turned out to be quite a large business. During the course of that, I lost sight of things that were important in the marriage, spending time, but here I was building, building, building, and trying to build something for our future together. I realized I had a big part in the divorce, but I didn't think that it would end on a violent act, and I certainly that never even came into my realm. He moved out. I went through the darkest days of my life. There were days that if I didn't have dogs, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed. I wouldn't have moved. I would have taken my sheets and covered my entire body and probably had people come over and bring food or ordered food. But I had to go through it to get over it and people were saying, "Well, you should start dating." I'm like, "That's the last thing I want to do." I didn't even want to get near a man. I didn't want to be touched; I didn't want to be held. I just I wanted to die Rhonda, I really was that sad.
Lori: I felt like God I really failed. I did so much self-blame. If only I hadn't had this business, we'd be happy now. I was in therapy the entire time and I realized, eventually, it was only 50% my fault. He needed to lean in too, he needed to work at it as much as I did. I don't want to position this man as a complete asshole, just a partial one. But it took me about a year and a couple of months to say, "You know what, okay, I'm ready to just start jumping in the water, putting my big toe in the water and seeing what it's like." I went online, I couldn't do it, I couldn't ever go out with someone. I'd make dates and I'd break them. I just couldn't get myself to do it. Then one day my best friend, I encouraged her to go online. She was about as afraid as I was. She saw someone online for me and she contacted him and said I'm not good for you, but I think that my best friend is going to be perfect for you.
Lori: We went out and we had some magical dates together and it didn't work out. But it opened me up and it made me realize that, "Yeah, you know what, there's life again. There is fun to be had. There are interesting people out there." Even though I am scared, and I'll say the word again, shitless, I'm going to keep going. The more that I dated, the more that I realized it's not about... This is something that I always had trouble with, was self-worth. I realized I'm not going to position this anymore like, "Oh, God, I'm so lucky to be going out with this man." I now pivoted it to, "Okay, what does this man offer me that I want and need in my next relationship?" I completely did 180 on going from, "oh, well, he liked me." And singing that song, It must be him, oh my god..." You know, the Vikki Carr song to does this person really add value to my life?
Lori: Because now I've gone through hell and back and now, I'm confident in who I am, what I can offer, what I bring, what value I have, does that person fit into what I need and want? That's what I'm hoping, every woman who is listening to this or maybe going through this can get to that point. Because until you get to that point, you're always putting yourself in a very vulnerable position. Dating is vulnerable enough, it's emotional. It's you have to get yourself prepared emotionally, physically. It's like going on a job interview a lot of the time, but the more you do it, it's really truly a numbers game. The more you do it, the easier it becomes and the more focused you become on what it is that you want and need.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. I love that, I love that perspective.
Lori: Thank you.
Rhonda: Yeah, I think it's healthy, I think it's good, and so okay. I just want to-
Lori: Rhonda, I want to share, let me just interrupt you one sec. Recently, I've been speaking to a couple, they're a couple and they're also couples’ therapists and I asked her... She recently went through a divorce and now she's remarried to her business partner, "How many dates did you go on?" She said, "I went on 157 dates." My response was, "I'd rather swallow bugs but how did you do it?" She said, "Around date 75, I pivoted, and I pivoted to the point where I looked at this person in a very different way, and getting back to what value does this person bring to me?" That's what I would love everyone to get to.
Rhonda: Oh my gosh, absolutely, absolutely. Gosh, that's so good. What I was going to ask you was, okay, so it's different, right? Like dating when you're a middle-aged woman than when we were in our 20s.
Lori: Exactly, yeah.
Rhonda: Right?
Lori: It's a little bit different, yeah.
Rhonda: Okay. Let's just have a little bit of fun here. I would love for you to share what has been like the most interesting, crazy situation that you've experienced so far? Because I know that you have some.
Lori: Okay, I do, I do. All of my single girlfriends we could all compile a book and I'm sure that there are millions of women out there who say, "Oh my god, I need to write a book about this dating experience." But two of them come to mind. One of them was about a month ago, and I'm on the dating app called Bumble and I met someone who is a professor at Northwestern University, so he's smart and has a good job. He's also an inventor and he invented a tool, and I won't go into the name to protect the innocent. But he invented a tool where he built a multi-million-dollar business, and during the entire date, the only question that he asked me was so what did you do today? But that was after him speaking about himself for about an hour to an hour and a half about the production process from concept of a tool into delivery into the warehouse.
Lori: We talked about not, "Can you tell me where you're from? What kind of music do you like? What's your best vacation ever? What's a weekend like for you? What's your favorite thing to do?" We talked about the production, planning, execution, tooling, costing, negotiating process of developing a tool. Okay, that's one and that's sexy. I got to tell you, that had me going. The other one was a guy and I think that he had mental illness, and since I'm not a mental health professional, I can't diagnose what was wrong. But I've got a lot of energy and I'm pretty vibrant and I was asking a lot of typical date questions. He kept saying, "Lori, slow down, I can't keep up with you." I said, "Well, what part can't you handle?" He said, "I can only handle one question at a time so just slow down. I don't want you to do multiple questions. But, Lori, if you could position it like, "What is your favorite food?" And then wait for my answer and then we'll go on."
Lori: Okay, I'm thinking, "Okay, well, this is going to go really well." He kept staring at me, Rhonda, it was like uncanny and unnerving like, "What are you looking at? Why don't you just take a picture of me for God's sakes?" But you can tell how it went. The pièce de résistance was he grabbed my index finger on my right hand, the dessert arrived, he grabbed my index finger on my right hand, stuck it in the middle of the dessert, pulled it out and looked at me and said to me, "Can I lick your finger?"
Rhonda: Crazy.
Lori: The couple at the next table they were looking at me like announcing, "Do you need help?" Yeah, it was pretty creepy, pretty creepy. The biggest challenge that I see is that, look, everyone likes to speak about himself or herself but it's a date, it's two people. It's not a lecture, so that's a big deal. There has to be a back and forth and a conversation versus a lecture where it's flirtation.
Rhonda: Right, absolutely. No, absolutely. Oh my gosh.
Lori: I could come up with more if you want more but those are two that really stand out to me that... My ex-husband didn't even ever say something like, "Can I lick your finger?" It was just creepy, creepy, creepy. I do have another one. Not a date, but I was walking my dogs and this guy pulled up next to me and he said, "I think you're one of the most attractive women I've ever seen." I'm like, "Yeah, I look great at 6:15 with no makeup on. I just threw my clothes on to walk my dog." He said, "I know where you're from and I know you live in the area. Sometimes I drive around looking for you."
Rhonda: What?
Lori: Yeah, so creepy. There's a lot of creeps out there, but well I also want to say thank God there are some really wonderful men out there and really wonderful men in the Milwaukee area. There are, that please ladies do not say there's no good man, there are plenty of them. Plenty.
Rhonda: Yeah. Oh, absolutely, for sure. It's just a matter of weeding through and going on, hopefully, not 150 dates. That's just insane.
Lori: Yeah, it is, it is, but she met a fabulous guy, so it was worth every one of those experiences.
Rhonda: Right. Well, so I know we've touched on this a little bit but so for the women to be able to prepare for dating after divorce, anything else you want to add to the experience that we've talked about so far?
Lori: Absolutely. Something that really helped me was, and I made this mistake when I first started dating again after this divorce, was I started looking at it like, "Okay, I'm going to go out and I'm going to meet my next serious relationship." I didn't look at it in the way that I needed to look at it, which is two things. I'm going out because I want to meet someone and have fun, and I want to spend an hour or two or three getting to know someone and sharing an experience, having a drink, having a cup of coffee, learning about his life. I was so dialed in that, "Okay, I'm on a mission now." Which is pretty much me, I'm always on a mission. I'm going to find my next relationship. That doesn't work because people pick up on that for one thing, it shows desperation. But instead what I learned to do, and it took a while for me to do this and so that's why I went on so many dates was just relax and enjoy and let it flow and see if this person fits for me?
Lori: Do I like spending two hours with this person? If you answer yes then, "Okay, you can enjoy another two hours," and get to know this person before you decide that, "Okay, he's the one." You don't know someone who's the one until, I'm going to say, a good year. Going through every season, and a lot of therapists talk about this also. That you need to see people in every single light, not just dating, in emergency situations, in family upheaval, a death, an illness, a crisis. You need to see how those people respond and react. Do they step up to the plate? Do they lean in? Again, what do they offer you?
Rhonda: Right. Well, and I have to say, I'm so glad that you're bringing that up because I've been working with a couple women right now that I'm starting to notice a trend. I was like, "Okay, this is interesting." Several of women that I've chatted with recently have, probably within the last one to three years, lost a parent. What has happened is it has created a lot of discourse and challenge and, yeah, I guess challenges for their marriage. Quite frankly, I always think, "Well, there probably were challenges before, and this just exacerbated that." But I was surprised on how much that's impacting their relationship, whether it's their husband isn't stepping up, they don't feel like they're listening, they aren't... whatever it is, it's just really amplifying already existing challenges.
Lori: Yeah.
Rhonda: I'm glad that that's part of the awareness piece to get to know somebody, and how do they deal with those challenges?
Lori: Right, right, and we can't make these snap decisions that he fits all of it. Let's say that you make a list of your must haves and then the things that you want, if he fits all of those categories, okay, that's great. But it takes time to really deep down get to know, trust, and love someone. Physical attraction, we all know it's great, it's magical, it's euphoric. But there's so much more because that fades, looks fade. It's that deep, deep connection that we all want.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. That's awesome. Let's keep that in mind as we move on to, okay, how do women set themselves up for success when they are ready to start entering that dating arena?
Lori: Okay, so it is, first of all, you present your best self. You do not talk about, when you go on a date, you do not talk about your past. The person sitting across is not supposed to be your therapist. You just don't do it, you save it for your therapist. You remain open, you remain inquisitive, it's almost like, we as children, when we wanted to learn, we were so apt to be open to receive. I think it's important to position yourself to receive, to learn, to see, to grow, and to not get your hopes up that this person is going to be my next relationship. Let it evolve, let it flow. If it's going to happen, it will.
Rhonda: Yeah, I love that.
Lori: And get yourself prepared physically. Really, I would love every woman listening to this to just get, when she goes on that date, just when you're looking at yourself in the mirror, you just say to yourself, "I got this. I am hot, I am a value, I am worthy of this, of this happiness." Have some talk, have a talk with yourself. A pep talk.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. I think, too, this is a great opportunity for women to also engage in self-care. It's like, "Okay, you know what, gosh, if you need to go and get your hair cut or freshen up your hair or put in some highlights or whatever." Or, start working out. At the end of the day, it is about how do you feel about yourself? We could have an entire philosophical conversation about where does that confidence start? But I think the more that we feel better about ourselves, because we're taking care of ourselves, the more we're going to exude that confidence. Yeah, I think that's absolutely important. Let's also talk about for the women that are going to be maybe posting photos on the dating sites or whatever, what are some things that maybe they need to be thinking about in that realm as well as far as, again, putting their best self forward?
Lori: I think the best advice that I can give on that is present your best self. If you really are seriously interested in finding someone and starting to date, get some great pictures. Don't do bathroom selfies, don't have pictures with your entire family on them, do not have pictures with your grandkids, your sister, your ex-husband, do not post pictures that have arms hanging over you. Show yourself, it's almost as if you're going to go on LinkedIn and you want to have that perfect headshot. You also want to have some really great pictures representing what you look like in a variety of positions. I don't mean positions like if you're a CEO, you have your suit on and your arms crossed. Because that represents, you're not open. But put your best foot forward, get some great pictures, and in your biography, make it fun, make it unique and make it very different so you stand out.
Lori: I have a lot of guy friends who are on these dating apps too, and a lot of women go down that slippery slope of the position is that they're holding the camera up above their head, so they get their cleavage. That really positions you in a way that you're like, "Okay. Either you're trying to sell yourself or you're showing desperation that I want you to like me because I have big boobs or I'm sexy." The guys who I know who see those are like, "Oh, god, that's just a complete turnoff." If they're looking for something else, okay, that's one thing. But there should be a level of dignity and sophistication.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.
Lori: Yeah, and not drinking with the girls either unless that's who you are. If you like to go to bars and get smashed, Okay, great, put that on your dating profile. But I don't think that that's, the people who are listening to this, I don't think that's their jam.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Oh, my goodness, yeah, that is good advice. Gosh, we've covered so much.
Lori: We have.
Rhonda: Okay, this is awesome.
Lori: Yes, we have.
Rhonda: Okay, let's keep going. Okay. Tips on first dates, give us some insight on that?
Lori: Okay, so the first date should last a maximum of two hours. Now, Rhonda, I have to admit I say one thing and I do another. So, ladies, please listen, the first date should be number one at a public place, either coffee or a drink. What you do is you let someone who you know who's close to you know where you're going. You check-in when you get there and when you're finished with your date, you check back with them. I also suggest getting there a little bit early and let the manager of the restaurant or the bar know that you're alone, know that you're on a date. Could they kind of keep an eye on you? Just a little extra safety never hurts anyone. Typical first eight questions should be... Let me start with what they shouldn't be, they should not be an opportunity for you to bash your ex-husband and talk about how horrible he was and what he did to you and how he took all your money.
Lori: You don't talk about that. You talk about your interest, you talk about places that you've traveled, maybe where you'd like to go, what you enjoy doing. You can talk about your family, you can talk about your upbringing, your education, possibly what you're looking for. I don't mean to go down the hole of, "Okay, here's what I'm looking for." Kind of like a job interview, "I'm looking for someone who does this, this, this, and this." Okay, well, ladies, you do not do that. What you can say is, "Eventually, one day I would love to be back in a committed relationship." You can state your intentions, but that's it. It should be fun, it should... I'm going to use the word flirty because flirty is okay if you're attracted to the person you can be flirty. But don't go to bed with this person on the first date. Keep it very short, keep it fun, light, and the first date should be a preparation for what you want the second date to be.
Lori: You always want to leave a dangling carrot where someone wants to know more about you that, "God, Susan, you're fascinating. I want to know more about you. When can I see you again?" Men love, I hate to say it, but men love a chase. Someone who gives things away so easily, they're not interested in, but they want someone who is interesting and busy. They want to be able to go after you. So, keep it light, fun, and short.
Rhonda: Awesome. And then how do you transition into, "Hey, this was a good situation and I'd like to meet again?"
Lori: I think what you just said is fine, Rhonda. I went on a date on Saturday and I said to him, I said, "I really enjoyed your company, I think you're a great person, and I think you're absolutely adorable." I said, "I'd love to see you again. With that information, do and think what you want but I'd love to see you again." Then he contacted me the next day because it's also cementing to someone, "I really like you," because men always complain, "I don't know what she was telling me." Women, they say one thing and then they're thinking another, or they do another. It's like, "Can we please figure out this girl code? I don't get it." I think being honest is a really great thing, but if you don't like this person, please do not say that. All you have to say is, "It was a pleasure meeting you, thank you for your time this evening or this afternoon." That's all you need to do.
Rhonda: Yep, that's great. That's awesome. We've talked about how to position yourself as women are preparing after divorce for dating, how to set themselves up for success and some tips on the first date. Typically, as we wrap up our podcast interview, there are always two things I like to end with. One is a favorite quote and the second thing is a client success story. Why don't we start with the client success story?
Lori: Okay, so my most recent client success story is I have a gentleman client who came to me and he needed some fine-tuning. In that fine-tuning, he needed a new haircut, he needed rebranding in his wardrobe. He had something on his face that he had lived with his entire life, that it was really kind of bothering him. I suggested to him, "Have you ever thought of having this looked at and potentially removed?" We rebranded him, we went shopping, we did a whole wardrobe change, he went on in the third org to get his hair done. He felt in this first date that he was doing it. It goes both ways, for men feeling this way and also for women feeling this way, feeling confident in who they are and how they look and how they're presenting themselves.
Lori: I was very proud of him making this transition. He went out with two women who I introduced him to, and then the third time's a charm. I met this woman at a store, and I went up to her and I said, "I know this is going to sound really weird. I'm not hitting on you, but I'm a matchmaker and I have someone I'd like to introduce you to. I just have this sense." Rhonda, that's what I do. People, I just go up to random people and I start talking to them. But she said, "Well, I'd like to learn more. I had coffee with her, got to know her and cemented that, "Yes, I thought that these two would be good together." So long story short, they're smitten both in love, crazy about each other. I don't know if it's heading for marriage because it's only been three months now, but they are smitten kittens and as happy as clams. That's a success story.
Rhonda: That's awesome.
Lori: I have 15 marriages, not me, I haven't been married 15 times, but I have 15 marriages under my belt where I've gone up to people and, "I know someone for you."
Rhonda: Wow, that's awesome.
Lori: It's intuitive, yeah.
Rhonda: Wow, and so-
Lori: What was the second part of the question?
Rhonda: The second part is what's your favorite quote for this topic?
Lori: Oh, well, my favorite quote of all time is always it's Maya Angelou and it's, "People will not remember what you said," and I'm paraphrasing, and please forgive me, "People will not remember the words that you said or the words that you use, but they will remember the way that you made them feel." That's something that I lead with in life is I always try to help people make them feel better, and in the dating round, when you're dating, you don't have to be ugly. Not everyone is for everyone, it's not always going to work. But you want to leave it for the relationship being a bigger person, in my opinion. Being that sophisticated, kind heart that you want to lead with, and make that person feel that they're a good human being. Not every person is destined for a long-term relationship or marriage, and that's something really in top of mind. That not everyone who you go out with, it's not always going to end happily. But be a mensch about it, be that kind, good soul that you want to have to be in your life.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, this is awesome, and I have really enjoyed our time together and I know that our listeners have enjoyed our time together too.
Lori: Thank you, me too, Rhonda. Thank you so much, so much.
Rhonda: This has been so fun. Certainly, people can check out your website at https://www.smartfunnysingle.com/, and your special offer for our listeners is for those locals here in the Greater Milwaukee area, hey, let's grab a cup of coffee. For those people that maybe are listening that aren't in the area, certainly you're welcome, they're welcome to reach out to you and maybe you guys can do some virtual coffee stuff. But I just want to thank you for your time today sharing your heart, your story, and your expertise with the women who need us most.
Lori: Thank you, Rhonda. It has been my pleasure and such a true gift from you. Thank you.
QUOTE: “It’s a numbers game. The more you date, the easier it becomes.”
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Lori Mendelsohn
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SmartFunnySingle
Racine, WI
loribethmendelsohn@gmail.com
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In this episode, we discuss:
- Family law matters can be resolved amicably through mediation
- The process of divorce does not need to be economically devastating
- Mediation provides an opportunity to minimize your children’s exposure to the divorce process
Rhonda: Thank you so much for joining us for another episode. I am so excited to be able to introduce you today to Alex Jacobson. She is the founder of Jacobson Mediation Group out of the Greater Chicago area and she's a former divorce lawyer turned divorce mediator. What a mouthful that is. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Alex: Thank you. Thank you for having me.
Rhonda: Well, let's talk a little bit about what prompted you to move in the direction of building your practice around mediation. Give us a little backstory on what led you to where you're at today.
Alex: Certainly, so I was a divorce lawyer for the past 12 years. I practiced at one of the premier divorce firms in Chicago doing all matters related to divorce and matrimonial issues, so that included child custody, property division, child support, spousal support, premarital agreement, postnuptial agreements, all the above. And as my practice grew, it became increasingly apparent that even in the highest complex situation, matters can be resolved outside of the courtroom. And I just found that after practicing at that level, that once you are in the courtroom, you really can't unring that bell. Once people start slinging the mud, it's difficult to go back to co-parenting or to reach an agreement that is reasonable for both parties. And once the judgment is imposed upon you by a judge, it may or may not meet the needs of your family. It may or may not be narrowly tailored to the needs of your family. And so, I just simply found that alternative dispute resolution was just a better way to resolve these types of cases.
Rhonda: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So, talk to us a little bit about, I mean obviously, there's a lot of different ways that mediation can be used throughout the divorce process. Are you, tell us a little bit about what you're seeing as far as trends? Are people moving in the direction of mediation only? Meaning you've got that neutral third party who is facilitating the conversation between the parties? Or are you, and or are you also seeing where people have attorneys and then they're utilizing mediators to be able to close the gap on our particular issue?
Alex: So, I'm seeing both, in fact, depending on the issues that are being addressed. So in the first instance, I would, I would say that parenting issues often can be resolved with the parties without their attorneys being present because quite simply they are the key people that know what their children need and how to craft an agreement that meets the needs of their children, their extracurriculars, the extent that their child has a special need. They are the two people and the two people primarily who know what those needs are and who can speak to those issues and in the best way. When it comes to financial issues, they're oftentimes one or both parties who really are not equipped to handle the financial issues on her own and really look to their attorneys to provide them with the guidance that they need. And my role is to facilitate the discussion and help navigate that conversation.
Alex: And, and whether attorneys are involved also depends on what phase in the case mediation comes in. So for example, cases may or may not begin sort of with a bang and there are some temporary issues that need to be resolved immediately. So, who's going to pick up Tommy from soccer practice? Who's going to pay for school tuition this month? Who's going pay the mortgage bill? These are immediate issues that the people need a band-aid for immediately while they're working on a more global resolution of all the issues in the case. So those immediate issues may be addressed with just the parties present without attorneys involved. And then once everyone has done their discovery and they're prepared to address all the issues in the divorce case, that is when the attorneys may come in and participate in the process.
Rhonda: So I love one of the things that you said, I just want to touch on, because I see this in the women that I'm working with, which is, there are some of those immediate things that do need to be resolved or taken care of the day-to-day stuff. Like you said, who's going to pick up so-and-so from soccer practice and let's talk about who's going to pay the bills, you know, or which bills they're going to pay. So, if somebody is listening today and they're feeling frustrated because they perhaps feel like, you know, people aren't listening to them like, hey well we'll get to that later, we'll get to that later. Cause I mean the divorce process in and of itself, there are certain kind of key milestones and sometimes those things don't get talked about traditionally until later. What are some of the things that women could say, "Hey listen, this is an important concern or issue for me," so they can really get or bend the ear of their attorney and or mediator?
Alex: Well, I mean and certainly in Chicago and I believe in many other courts, all parenting issues must be mediated before a judge will provide a hearing or a trial date. And judges also it's permissive for them to send financial matters. So, I would impress upon these women to, or anybody, to seek the opportunity, typically in mediation from the outset. So, they can address the immediate issues without going through the periods of frustration, without having them be resolved. And you know, the uncertainty is really unnerving for all people and quite frankly, that spills over to the children. And so, it's best for everybody involved if you can avoid that uncertainty and sort of assign these tasks as the process is going along.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, let's transition into talking about a couple of key things related to mediation. And the first thing that I know that you wanted to share was around the fact that family matters can be resolved through mediation. So, talk to us a little bit about that. I know we've kind of highlighted that a little, but let's take a little bit deeper. From your experience, and now the good news is you kind of have been on both sides of the litigation side and now you've moved into more of the mediation side. You know, talk to us about how those are, how some of those things are getting resolved.
Alex: Certainly. So, I mean, there are very few cases in the family law realm that are so clearly black and white and there are many shades of gray. And it's just a matter of appealing to what's important to the two people who are crafting the agreement. And even people, we're, we're taping this on a Monday. So even people who couldn't agree that today is Monday after working through the issues in their particular case, can ultimately reach an agreement that it's Monday. It's possible and it's possible to do it in an amicable way. It's possible to do it in a way that, through the process or sitting in the same room together or alternatively they're sitting in separate rooms together and the mediator is shuttling between them and, going through all of the terms that need to be addressed in a way that is productive with, avoiding the mudslinging and it's, and it truly is possible.
Rhonda: Yeah. So, what role would you say, I mean, so the parties, right? I mean, if they're using mediation as their primary method, need to be organized and come to the table with, completing assignments or conversations or whatever that the mediator’s kind of helping them to kind of work through. Who is kind of identifying the agenda? I mean, so the, for the people that are considering going through mediation, what kinds of things should they doing to make sure that they're as prepared as possible for those mediation meetings?
Alex: Certainly, that's a very good point. I mean, the mediation can only be as productive as the party preparation for the process. So, at the outset, I as a mediator find out what issues are being discussed, whether it's only parenting issues, whether it's financial and parenting issues. And in order to make the process most productive, the parties need to complete their financial affidavits. They need to know what their income situations are, what their, what their other spouse's income situations are, what assets exist, what are their expenses, what are their expenses now, and what are their expenses likely to be in the next few years. I mean, the goal is to anticipate as many possible contingencies as you can so you can address them in agreement, in the agreement to avoid litigation down the road. So, I set the agenda, I give the homework and timelines for the homework to be completed in order for the process to be the most productive possible.
Rhonda: Yeah, I love that. And I think, just having some clarity right, on you whose role is helpful through this process because people don't know what they don't know. Right? They don't know what they don't know and if they've never been through that course before, and/or if they're considering mediation as an option then I think those are some of the things that are helpful for them to know.
Alex: Certainly, and, and knowledge is power, and knowledge is being more informed certainly allows somebody to participate in a more meaningful way in the process. And that's critically important, especially for a spouse who, may not have been well versed in the finances of a family prior to the process beginning. And look, there is no shame in that. I mean, when you're living together and you're married, there's a division of labor in the home and the fact that one parent may not have been responsible for paying the bills or knowing what their savings, where their savings was even located, let alone how much existed. That's, that's a normal arrangement in a, in a family. And that by virtue of a divorce, you know, changes. Everybody needs to be informed.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I have said on many of the previous podcast recordings the formula for having financial confidence is the knowledge plus the experience because you can't have one without the other. Right? And so, if they maybe have the knowledge but don't have the experience, that may impact their confidence. But as they go through this process and ask questions and they take an interest, hey, you know what? You can gain the knowledge; you can gain the experience. Ultimately at the end you're going to come out having more confidence as you step into that role because not only will you be forced to do it, I guess is the bottom line. I mean, whether you want to or not, you're going to have to step up and, and take ownership of the finances. And so, we can use that divorce process as a great way for women to navigate through that and kind of gear up for having to take some of those things over on their own.
Alex: Right. Absolutely. And I would also point out that for the most part, mediation is a voluntary process. So, whereas in litigation, you might be in a circumstance where you feel like one party may feel like they're being shielded from obtaining the necessary information to be informed. And in mediation, the documents are being produced voluntarily. The financial information is being exchanged voluntarily so that everybody is armed and prepared to participate in the process. And you avoid that. Ideally, you're avoiding the feeling of being in the dark.
Rhonda: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So, let's move on to talk about, I always say divorce isn't free. So, the question becomes how people want to spend dollars to go through the process. And one of the things that you had mentioned was that divorce does not have to be just economically devastating for people. And so, talk to us a little bit about that.
Alex: Certainly. So, I mean, when you're in the courtroom a whole host of things happen. At a minimum, each party is more likely than not represented by counsel. There are court appearances that are meaningful and court appearances that are less meaningful, but nevertheless you're incurring fees for all of them. Court appearances can be delayed, they can be canceled, they can, and every single time your attorneys need to prepare and get up to speed in order to, to be productive in, in the courtroom. In the context of mediation, you are streamlining that process. You may or may not have your attorneys present. Everybody is prepared to proceed on a set day. And ideally because the process is being streamlined, you are avoiding significant fees that would, that are associated with the litigation process.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I know that, you know, depending on what part of the country people are in, the range in which the divorce process on average, the cost on average, the duration on average. Again, we've got some national statistics around that, but each state or region or area may have may differentiate a little bit amongst you know, those areas. But on average, you know, the average cost for divorce is $15,000 and the average duration is a year. So that much we know.
Alex: Which is absolutely wild. I mean, I could have a case referred to me, this week have their task list set out for the next two weeks, have mediation session the following week. And when it's all said and done, if we've reached anywhere, but you know, north of $3,500 to $4,000 just for the mediator, I would be shocked. You can wrap it up within. And that doesn't include attorney's fees to the extent that attorneys are being involved. But I mean, you can see that the process can be so slimmed down in a, in a major, major way.
Rhonda: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Alex: And by the way, you know, there's also a range of mediators’ fees. You know, certainly in Chicago there are former judges that are doing this that can command, you know, a significantly higher rate and they're tending to cases where perhaps their hourly rate doesn't necessarily factor into the analysis. Mediation isn't just, isn't just for wealthy people. And there are plenty of other professionals. I, for example, practiced for 12 years, I have significant experience, but I'm not commanding the hourly rate that a former judge does.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I think too, it's for people to look at the different options and ask themselves a couple of questions. So, like as I'm working with clients and coaching them through, ultimately, it's up to them and in working with the attorney or mediator to figure out what process is best. But I can take them through a simple exercise that says, okay, here's pro se, here's mediation, here's litigation, here's collaborative. Let's just talk about the definition of each of those and then what are the pros and cons? What do you see as the pro or con of each of these areas? And what ends up happening is they come out of there and like, okay, I have a little more clarity on what really seems to resonate with me knowing my husband and how he might respond, what seems like the best option.
Rhonda: And then they can start kind of exploring that because they have a lot of choices on what they feel like might be best. Now they're also, I think there's value in getting input from the professionals as well. But to be able to take some time and just think through all those options I think is good. And for some people, you know, it isn't as much about the finances. Sometimes it is. I mean it just; each situation is so different. But I think being able to look at, look at the options, I believe that women always make good decisions when they have all the information.
Alex: Certainly.
Rhonda: And so, there's somewhat I would call kind of pre-divorce work that women can be just kind of thinking through, taking some time to ponder to see if this is a good fit for them or not. You know, so that's why I love doing these types of having these types of conversations specifically around the different options of the process. So, I appreciate your input on that as well.
Alex: Certainly.
Rhonda: So, the other thing that I want to chat with you about is the fact that mediation can be a good way to minimize children's exposure to the divorce process. So, I find this really fascinating and I look forward to hearing what you have to say about this talking point.
Alex: Certainly. So you know, when there is a parenting issue, and I'm obviously speaking from my experience with the, with Cook County in Chicago, but it's almost immediate that if the parties are unable to resolve whatever the parenting issues are in mediation, that a judge will uniformly appoint a child's representative who's an attorney that's going to represent the needs of the child. That child's representative is and will then the children will be involved in the process. He or she will interview them, will observe them with each parent. We'll make recommendations to the court, and his or her interaction with the child may not just be on one occasion. It may be on multiple occasions, depending on what the issues are.
Alex: And again, talk about, you can't unring that bell. I mean, once your kids are being interviewed by professionals and, and then by, by the way, if that doesn't result in an agreement, there may be, a child custody evaluation that's performed by a mental health professional and that involves multiple interviews with your child. And I think that, for the most part, what people can agree on is that they don't want their children involved in the process because it's not good for anybody. And in mediation you can avoid all of that.
Rhonda: That, that's awesome. And I think obviously, I mean there may be times when people can't agree, and they are going to have to maybe go and utilize some of those other processes that that the court system has in place. But I love, you know, for people to be able to consider mediation for the reason that you just mentioned because I think of all the things that they can agree on, wanting the best for their kids is usually an easy one.
Alex: Right. And the, the fact is that people are getting divorced, so they are not necessarily speaking in a kind way to each other. It's not necessarily a productive mode of communication between each other. And oftentimes they just need somebody, a third party to help them navigate the conversation. And that's what the mediator's there for.
Rhonda: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah, that's, that's really great. Well, we have covered a lot of ground in a really short period of time and as we wrap up our time together, I always end with two things. One is a quote and the other is a client success story. So, go ahead and share with us your favorite quote.
Alex: So, I recently read this, the quote is, "Focus on divorce as a problem to solve instead of a battle to be won."
Rhonda: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Alex: It resonates and in a very significant way for me, I have, once people come down to earth, and realize that they're getting divorced or have accepted it or are ready to move forward with the process in a productive way and, and are not looking to sabotage their spouse or really just want to reach a resolution and focus it, focus on it as a problem to be solved, that's when they're able to reach a, a meaningful agreement, a lasting agreement that will serve the needs of their family going forward.
Rhonda: Yeah. Oh my gosh, I love that. Oh, and it takes, I mean, divorce is emotional, right? And I think there's certainly a time to deal with the emotions, but it helps really to just kind of frame what the goal is. Right? And so, that's a great quote. All right, so let's end with the client’s success story.
Alex: Certainly. So there's, there's really nothing so magical about it other than the fact that for these two individuals, they had been in the litigation process for over a year and had been engaging in discovery that was not relevant to their case, multiple court appearances that was really just causing more and more of a rift between them rather than bringing them together to reach an agreement. And one of them had been referred to me as a mediator. The other interviewed me and we sat down together at about nine o'clock in the morning and by two o'clock had reached a comprehensive agreement on everything that needed to be addressed in their marital settlement agreement.
Alex: When we concluded for the day, the husband looked at the wife and, and said to her, "That is the most productive conversation we've had in over five years." And, it really, I believe, set the tone for how these two individuals are going to be able to move forward in a productive way as divorced parents and co-parents effectively. And, and it was just a very positive way to, to start down with new road for them, for their new normal.
Rhonda: I love it. I love it. I think that it also depends too on finding the right mediator, right? Being the mediator is not an easy job.
Alex: Definitely not.
Rhonda: I've sat in on plenty of mediations. I'm like, okay, they, you know, the mediator's got to be the tough cookie in the room, right? Because you must hold people accountable and encourage them to have those conversations. Think outside the box, get people talking, manage emotions. I mean, there's a lot to it. And so I think that's a fantastic success story. And just again, giving people the opportunity to say it. Listen, there may be times when you get to a point where, yeah, it's time to mediate and get everybody in the same room and make sure you've got the right mediator and hash things out and leave there with a result. Right? Some clarity, some concrete solutions. And I love the fact that, yeah, love the fact, that they were able to leave there feeling a lot more positive.
Alex: So yeah, it was great success.
Rhonda: Yay. I love it. Well, I want to thank you so much, Alex, for your time today.
Alex: Certainly, thank you for having me.
Rhonda: And I want to encourage people to check out Alex's contact information in the show notes, as well as the transcribed audio notes, and hopefully as people are listening to this, we've given them some really great things to think about as far as the direction that they may want to go as they're navigating through their divorce process.
QUOTE: “Focus on divorce as a problem to solve instead of a battle to be won.”
CONTACT INFORMATION:
Alex Jacobson
Founder
Jacobson Mediation Group
212 West Superior Street, Suite 203
Chicago, IL 60654
ajacobson@jacobsonmediationgroup.com
(312) 877-5092
LinkedIn | Facebook
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
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In this episode, we discuss:
- The importance of having a core team
- How the Women’s Financial Wellness Center can help you in your divorce marathon
- Finishing the marathon a more confident, solid, financially savvy woman that is ready to enter her next chapter!
Thank you so much for joining me. Today is actually going to be a solo episode, and I am so excited to just be able to spend a little bit of time and chat with you. You know, I love doing the interviews, but sometimes it's nice to be able to just share some of the thoughts and things that I am seeing or thinking about.
So, thank you so much for joining me today. You know, as I was thinking about what I wanted to share, I think the main, overarching message is that you're not alone. And the vision that I've been having lately in certain conversations and just pictures in my mind has been a marathon. And whether you're a runner or not, you know, when we think about something that is time-consuming and takes training, and the actual journey itself is quite lengthy, and, you know, there's certain parameters along the way. There are mile markers. There are a lot of unknowns. We don't know if it's going to be raining. We don't know if it's going to be sunny. We don't know if it's going to be super-hot. We don't know if it's going to be windy.
You know, if we have a map, we may be able to identify, "Hey, are there some hills? What's the terrain look like?" So, we can build in some of the things we know. We know where the mile markers are going to be, and we know what the general path is going to be. But along that path, if you will, along that 26.1-mile journey, there's a lot of things we don't know.
And, you know, that's really the premise of the divorce process, right? Divorce is really a great training ground for us, as women, to step into our own. And I know sometimes in the midst of it, it's hard to see, like, "Hey, I'm going to actually come out of this stronger, or I'm going to feel relieved. I'm going to have more confidence on the other side."
But it's true. It happens, every single time. The unfortunate thing is, we can't get to the end of the race until we've put in the 26.1 miles. You have to cross the finish line. And, you know, when I think about the divorce process, even along the way, there's going to be some flags, right? And we want to make sure we avoid the red ones.
And, so, you can either go and run this race all by yourself and do it as a solo journey, or you can decide that you want to do it with other people. And, as it relates to the divorce process, what I mean by that is, I really believe that divorce is not a do-it-yourself project. It's not something that you should do on your own, a) because the average divorce is 52 weeks. That's an entire year. Don't isolate yourself. Find support. Surround yourself with people that are positive and encouraging.
I had somebody send me a message the other day, and she said, "Rhonda, I feel kind of sad." She said, "I was thinking about you, and how you only get to see women when they're in their saddest moments, their darkest times, their most vulnerable spot."
And I responded to her, and I said, "I really appreciate that because, you know, it certainly has forced me to build in very structured self-care, so that I can make sure that my cup is full, and that I'm operating with tons of energy, and I'm healthy and have great vitality, so that I can pour into the women that need me most."
But the second thing I said to her was, "You know what? I also get to see women when they are crossing the finish line, and I have the privilege of seeing the transformation."
And every time a woman, you know, crosses that finish line, and the divorce is over, she and I kind of take a brief snapshot back and say, "Gosh, you remember when we first met, and here you were in this spot, and you were super overwhelmed, and you were, you know, uncertain about how you were going to do all these things, look at all of the things that you've accomplished. Look at all of the changes that you've gone through, and you're still standing."
And while you might be tired, and you need to take a break, right, and refuel and fill up those electrolytes and get some rest, right, that probably has been missing over the months of the divorce process, it's just really an honor to be able to see women on the other side.
So, as you are going through this journey, the importance of having support, not only from friends and family, but also from professionals that are passionate about helping women, in my case, you know, I feel called to help women that are going through divorce. And the level of passion and commitment that I bring to the work that I do, is really, really important because, for me, it's not a job. This is my life's work, and I put my heart and soul into every single person that I talk to, every single podcast that we do, every single challenge that comes up that we're trying to figure out how to navigate through but, to that point, I'm one person, right?
And I believe that there needs to be a team of people that come alongside and support you. And from a professional perspective, I think there needs to be a core team. And that core team really has three legs on the stool, if you will. The first one is an attorney, and there's a variety of different ways that you can engage legal counsel, whether it's mediation, whether it's having an attorney that's representing you, whether it's collaborative divorce, and the list goes on, but making sure that you have legal counsel, number one.
Number two, making sure that you have a financial expert as part of your team. You know, the attorneys do actually run a lot of the numbers typically, but they're not analyzing the data. They're not helping you necessarily think through what that means for you in the short term, as well as the long term, and that's where my role comes in, right? Like, we sit down, we not only create a budget and a snapshot for today, but we say, "Okay, what's that going to look like a year from now?" Or, "Gosh, how are those decisions that you're being asked to make right now going to impact you, not just now, but also in the future, right?"
And, so, it's just a really important conversation to be having, and there's several, very important, key financial conversations that happen on our journey, right? On our 52-week journey, there's a lot of questions. "Do I keep the house? Do I sell the house? What's my budget? How much do I really need to make sure that I can live comfortably? Do I have to get a job?"
All of those questions are things that I can help answer, right? And if I can't answer them directly, I have a team of people that can help us. So my approach is very holistic, and I bring in the experts that we need.
"Do I keep the house?" Well, let's have a mortgage expert run some of the numbers, right, so we can get the facts. Anybody who has listened to other podcasts or has worked with me directly knows I am all about, "Let's just get the facts." Because I believe that once women have the facts, we're going to make really good decisions, right? Women are smart. It's just that we need to be able to have the right team of people, the right education, the right knowledge, with guided experience, right, and have somebody walk alongside so that you can make really good decisions. And, ultimately, that helps build your confidence, which is super cool.
So you've got the attorney. You've got the financial expert, and then you also have a therapist, so you've got the two main aspects of the divorce process covered, the financial and the emotional, and then you've also got that legal component as well. So that's your core team, right?
And once you've identified the core team, and hopefully, right, I'm part of that core team, because I would love the ability to be able to help you, we can also identify who are those other people that are part of the support team? These are people that maybe aren't involved in the day-to-day things of the divorce process, but their input, their expertise, is very important. So that might be a mortgage broker or a real estate agent or a CPA, or a business valuation expert, and the list goes on, right?
And, so, my job is to help you also assemble that support team based on what it is that you need. And, you know, if you're feeling like, "Gosh, this whole house thing is really keeping me up at night," then that's what we start with. We can try to start to identify the answers to some of those questions.
That being said, sometimes we might not know the answer or have enough information to answer the questions until mile 10, okay? So, we just have to be willing to say, "Hey, there's a couple of key things that have to get in place first, and then we can maybe answer some of those other questions."
For me, the budget is always at the top of the list as far as where we start, because once we can plug in some numbers and get a good, overall sense of what's going on, it will allow us to say, "Hey, can you stay? Yes or no?" We might start to get some ... That might start to be a little more clear now, right?
But the budget's always a work in progress, right? It's not one-and-done. So we'll do a first version, and then sometimes we got to make updates and changes and tweaks, and we play around with the numbers, and we run different scenarios and, at the end of the day, again, women have a lot of really great information and the facts and a team of people that can help them make good decisions.
So, you know, who's going to be on your core team? Who do you need to be on your support team, and who are going to be the people that refresh you along the way, right? Who are the people that are standing along with that cold glass of water, that cold cup of water that you can grab while you're running your race?
So, I just want to thank you so much for chiming in today. It has been a privilege to be able to spend time with you. Please make sure that you reach out to us, whether it's to schedule a 30-minute consult with me. Let's hop on the phone. Let's talk about your personal situation and see how I might be able to help you.
We've got free resources and checklists and tools, but then if you say, "Hey, Rhonda, I think I need a little more guidance," we've got coaching packages to be able to help you with that, and we can figure out what would be the best fit for you and what it is that you need.
In addition to that, make sure you check us out on social media. We are on Facebook, Instagram, and I'm on LinkedIn.
So I just want to thank you for your time today. Remember, don't travel alone. Let's start training for this marathon. Let's make sure we've got all of the things that we need in place to make sure that we finish strong, and end the race a more confident, solid, financially savvy woman to enter this next chapter.
CONTACT INFORMATION:
Rhonda Noordyk, CFEI
Founder & Owner
The Women’s Financial Wellness Center
rhonda@wfwcllc.com
(262) 522-1502
LinkedIn | Facebook | Instagram | YouTube
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, we discuss:
- Five things you need to know before you start working from home.
- What does it take to be successful working from home?
- What are the biggest mistakes people make when starting to work from home?
About our guest: Lesley Pyle is the founder of HireMyMom.com, a boutique service connecting Entrepreneurs and Small Businesses with top-notch Virtual Professionals across the country. She began her work-at-home career in 1996 with the launch of her first website: Home-Based Working Moms. She has a Master's degree in Public Relations from the University of Stirling, Scotland while on a full academic scholarship and as an Ambassador of Goodwill for Rotary International. She also has a BA in Journalism / Public Relations from Texas State University. Pyle has been featured in numerous publications including Forbes, Entrepreneur, Wall Street Journal and USA Today. She and her husband live in Texas and have four children.
Rhonda: Thank you so much for joining us! I am really excited to be able to introduce to Lesley Pyle, and she is the founder of Hire My Mom, which is a boutique service connecting entrepreneurs and small businesses. She began her work-at-home career in 1996 with the launch of her first website, Home-Based Working Mom. So, for all of us moms out there, we can relate to her business. Whether it's a full-time hustle, a side hustle, we're going to be sharing some tips on working from home. Lesley has a master's degree in public relations from the University of Stirling in Scotland and she also has some additional credentials as well. She has a bachelor's degree, bachelor's of arts actually in journalism and public relations from Texas State University. As I was looking through your credentials, isn't it fun that we have the opportunity to be able to use our journalism and public relations backgrounds to be able to share something we're super passionate about?
Lesley: Yeah. You know, I was so thankful that I did have that background because it comes in handy no matter what business you have, to have a PR and marketing background. So, I credit that with helping me get my business off the ground because-
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely.
Lesley: ... so many of us start on a shoestring budget, so being able to do some marketing and PR, in the beginning, was really helpful.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, thank you so much for joining us today.
Lesley: Yeah. Thank you. Pleasure to be here.
Rhonda: So, share with us ... I know you've had several articles written, Huffington Post. What are some of the other places that you have written articles for or been -
Lesley: I wrote ... Yeah, I wrote for Women Entrepreneur for quite a while and then I've written for some ... one-time posts on various parenting and work from home blogs. So, yeah. 24 years of doing this, so it's been ... A lot's changed over the years.
Rhonda: Right? Well, when you and I chatted prior to doing the recording, that was one of the things that we were talking about is how things have shifted so much over the years. You know, I'd love for you to share, from your perspective, some of the things that you've seen as far as some of the shifts.
Lesley: Yeah, most definitely. So, when I first started out 24 years ago, working from home was not so widely accepted. So, I basically .. When I started freelancing, I didn't tell my clients that I work from home because I knew it was going to be not as well received. Today, everybody thinks it's great and they're jealous if you work from home, but back then it was like, "Oh, you must not be very good at what you do if you work from home." So, that's been the biggest change.
Lesley: With the advent of all the technology we have today with the Internet and with cell phones and email, none of that existed back ... Well, I think we had ... I did have a website, but I don't even know if I had email originally. But so much has changed and it just makes working from anywhere so possible now. With moms wanting that flexibility to work from home, not just moms that are searching for work, but moms who are business owners, a lot of them want to work from home, too, because that flexibility is just so helpful and beneficial for moms. So, I don't know about you, but I had ... When my babies were young, I had somebody come in and watch them while I work. That worked out beautifully. Then as they got older, they could go to a mother's day out or a preschool for a few hours a day and that sort of thing. Then, transition. Now, they're all in school.
Rhonda: I know, right? It's like, "Oh, my gosh." Well, I think a lot of times, people start, they want the flexibility, and yet I think it takes the right person and right personality to be able to be disciplined and navigate through all of those pieces because ... I don't know that balance is really the right word because I don't know if you can ever have balance, but it's prioritizing those things and then also knowing like, "Hey, we might have to work a little bit longer this day so that we can do this on this day," you know?
Lesley: Exactly. I find myself doing that. So, I may get up early one day and get a lot done because I want to do something that afternoon with my only one that's still at home or vice versa. I may work in the evening if I need to catch up on something if I've taken off a few hours during the day to go have fun or run errands or whatever it might be. So, yeah, it's such a huge benefit to be able to work that flexibility.
Rhonda: Well, like you said, it is more widely accepted for people to stay at home. So, let's talk a little bit about some of the successes and lessons that you've learned from 24 years of working. Not only working from home yourself, but really helping other women work from home as well. So,-
Lesley: Yeah.
Rhonda: So, what are five things that women need to know before starting to work from home?
Lesley: I think one of the biggest mistakes I see moms make is they jump right into something because they just want to work at home. So, the first thing that comes along, they're like, "I'm going to do it. I can make money." Well, that doesn't always work. It may work for some people, but I really think the best thing to do is to really spend time thinking about your true strengths, your passion, your experience, your education, and how those all fit together, and what could you do with that combination of skills and passions. I think you'll be so much more successful.
Lesley: It may not be something that you can start and be up and running and making money the next day, but I think the old saying "Find what you love and the money will follow," is so true because I love what I do, so working is never like, "Oh, I've got to work today." Working is like, "Yay! I'm going to work today. What fun am I going to have?" because every day's a little bit different and I interact with different moms and business owners. So, that's my first recommendation is find something that you're passionate about.
Lesley: Then, also consider the viability of your business. So, if you want to do something and there's no market for it or the market is saturated, maybe you need to go to plan B because if there's too much competition, it may be hard for you to make an income. But there's always room, you know. On the other hand, if what you do is really good and you can find your unique selling point, then you can always give it a go.
Lesley: I also think it's really important to be a motivated self-starter because you don't have a boss looking over your shoulder and telling you to get in there and get to work. So, if that's not your personality, either you got to figure out how to make yourself become more motivated and self-start or maybe find something else where you are working for someone else.
Lesley: Then, I think it's important to develop a plan, even if it's informal, where you write down your business idea, who your market is, how you think you can target them through whatever advertising, marketing, direct mail, whatever works for you, or direct email more these days.
Lesley: Then, my final piece of advice is to commit yourself to at least six months. Don't give up too quickly because it does take time to get a business up and running, and sometimes it takes up to 12 months. So, if you're not making money the first month, don't give up. I know when I first started 24 years ago, I had such passion to make it work because I did not ... I took my baby girl to daycare for two weeks and I cried every day. This was me thinking ... I never thought I would be a stay-at-home mom. I used to think that was such a boring life, like, "Who wants to do that?" So, I had always envisioned myself as being this big, corporate career lady with my briefcase and my stilettos and I was going for it. Then, I had a baby and all of that just changed for me.
Lesley: I was like, "I cannot bear to leave her in somebody else's care." So, when I quit after two weeks, my motivation was, "I better get some clients fast because we couldn't afford for me not to work." So, that was my motivation, and it pushed me out of my comfort zone because, normally, I'm not the type that would just cold call or call someone up and say, "Hey, do you need blah blah, blah?" but I did because I was really determined to make it work. So, if you're that determined, I think you've got your foot off to the right start.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think, too, it's ... Part of the tip, too, is identifying needs, right? A lot of the businesses are started because there's a need of something. "We're going to help solve a problem for something," whatever that something is,-
Lesley: Right.
Rhonda: ... right?
Lesley: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Most definitely.
Rhonda: So, no, those are definitely some really great tips. So, let's talk a little bit about what it takes for women to be successful when they are working from home.
Lesley: Okay. Yeah. I think some of the personality traits I've already mentioned, to be motivated, self-starter, perseverance, drive, determination. Because let's face it, you don't always have good days in your business. There are bad days. There are good days. So, just to persevere when you do have those bad days or there's difficult clients or things don't go right, that sort of thing.
Lesley: It's also very important to be organized because, at least in the beginning, you're most likely going to be doing everything yourself, and so to be organized and have ... I like to sometimes time block my schedule so that I know for one hour I'm doing email, for the next hour, I might do social media, for the next hour, I might work on a project, and to give myself an organized daily outline of what my day is going to look like. Of course, you got to have flexibility sometimes because things happen, but that works well for me. The ability to manage your time well and to not allow yourself to get stuck viewing social media or whatever it is that might pull you away from getting work done.
Lesley: I also think it's important to be a continual learner. Like I said, I've been doing this for a long time, but I still try to listen to podcasts and read books and stay up-to-date on new trends. There's always so much more to learn. I feel like there is so much more I could do and learn. You just don't have enough time. But to be a continual learner and to have that as your mindset, like, "I'm not going to get stuck and just do things the same way forever," because you want to stay current with everything. It's also important to adapt to changes. There may be something that changes in your industry or in your market, maybe new competitors to come in, and just being able to adapt and change.
Lesley: So, I know with Hire My Mom, when I first started Hire My Mom, which is 12 years ago, there was not many other sites like Hire My Mom, but now there's quite a few. There's Fiverr and Upwork and FlexJobs and all these others, so what I've tried to do is stay in my lane and differentiate what is ... how is my Hire My Mom different? Well, we're different in that we're a boutique site. We're a lot smaller than those other big sites. We don't have a staff of 200 people. I have a team of three, so we're much smaller and we cater, obviously, to moms and small businesses and entrepreneurs. So, we don't go after the Marriotts and the big companies that do have work from home options. We just try to cater directly to our audience and provide the best service we can, a personalized service that you don't get on the bigger sites.
Lesley: Then, like I said before, just having a passion for what you do I think is so important because when I talk to prospective business owners, I think they can tell that I truly enjoy what I do because I'm both an entrepreneur and a mom, so I fit both sides of my market and I'm passionate about being a mom and I'm passionate about being an entrepreneur, and I think that comes out when I talk to people. It's not something I have to manufacturer because it's truly something that I love.
Lesley: Then lastly, I would say the ability to continue when other things are calling you. So, if you work from home, you can guarantee that you'll have distractions, whether it's the neighbors that want to come over and chit-chat or the laundry that's piling up or the grocery store that's calling you, and none of those things are bad, but you just have to know when to say, "No," to those things and let your ... get the work done that you need to get done for that day.
Rhonda: You know, one of the ... I just love this conversation because I think, A, there's plenty of moms that are listening to the podcast right now that are trying to figure out, "Okay. Well, what am I passionate about? Where can I look to find gigs that I can do from home?" and there's also entrepreneurs that are looking for people to be able to help.
Lesley: Right.
Rhonda: One of the things that I ... There were two words that I wrote down that our conversation prompted me to think of. One is ... I think one of the things that we need to be very intentional about, especially when we're working from home, is not to be isolated because it's very easy to stay home, right? I mean, you've got ... Your kids are home, you're busy, you're working from home, and I think being intentional about finding specific groups or a group that you can be part of so that you can get out and meet people and talk to people,-
Lesley: Right.
Rhonda: So, just making sure that we're intentional of doing that because I think it's easy to do.
Lesley: It is.
Rhonda: Days go, weeks go by, and you're like, "I haven't even hardly left my house."
Lesley: Right. That, I think, is a great tip as well. So, I do that. I make myself get out, too. I usually go to the gym and I'll do a workout class or something, so I'll have interaction there. I feel like it gets my mindset in the right place because I've got those endorphins running, I feel good, I've done something good for my self-care. Then I do a weekly women's group. We either have a prayer group or a Bible study, and so I connect in that way each week, too. Occasionally, I'll do the girls' lunch. Last week, I met with two other Hire My Mom ladies that are here in my area, in the Woodlands Spring near Houston. So, it is fun just to make sure that you don't isolate yourself and that you are getting out. You can always use that as networking because people are always asking, "What do you do?" "I work from home." So, it's an open door to share what you do.
Rhonda: Yeah. No, I think that's awesome. Well, one of the things that I think ties into the services that you offer is the importance of delegating because I know that my business would not be where it is today without me delegating to very important people that are part of my team. One of which is a virtual assistant who runs a lot of the backend stuff, does testing. I mean, all of those kinds of things are happening, whether it's we're delegating to technology, we're delegating to people, we're delegating to a combination thereof. Can you talk to that just a little bit and the importance of delegating?
Lesley: Yeah, absolutely. I agree with that 100%. Like I said earlier, you may not be able to delegate the day you start your business because funds may be tight, but as soon as you can, the first thing I did was hire a VA. That is ... It allows me to do what I'm good at and frees me up to not spend time in email and customer service and things like that.
Lesley: So, my VA is wonderful. Found her on Hire My Mom, and she answers all of my emails that comes through the website, she does all the customer service phone calls, we use Grasshopper so they can direct who gets which calls, and then she also researches every job that's posted. So, we try our best to make sure every job is legitimate. So, she spends time googling them on the Internet, looking at them on LinkedIn, finding out ... going to Better Business Bureau, all these different ways to prevent any scams from getting in, so that's a huge help.
Lesley: Then, I have someone who helps me with social media. So, we know it takes a lot of time if you're going to have a social media presence, so I'm delegating for that. Then, I have somebody who helps me occasionally with Pinterest and blogs and with our new concierge service. I have an HR professional who ... Our concierge service is for busy professionals who need the hire, but they don't have the time or desire. So, we'll do a consultation, we'll write the job post, we'll post the job, we'll interview, reveal the candidates, interview, and then present the top couple of candidates for them to make the final decisions. So, I have somebody that helps with that when I have a client that needs that.
Lesley: So, yeah, you can't really grow your business without delegating and outsourcing. Today, virtual teams are so common, and with all the tools that are out, like what we're using, Zoom, you can have face-to-face meetings even in different locations.
Rhonda: Right.
Lesley: So, yeah, it's a wonderful ... I think it works great for small businesses who want to continue working from home but need to grow and expand the business because one person cannot possibly do it all.
Rhonda: No. For sure. I think a lot of times ... Well, A, myself, I have to remind myself of this, but then also the women that I'm working with to say, "Okay. Let's just get the facts," because I think sometimes people think, "Oh. Well, I couldn't hire a virtual assistant," or, "I couldn't hire somebody to help me on social media." Okay. Well, maybe you can, maybe you can't, but let's get the facts. Let's find out what they could offer within your budget. When I hired my virtual assistant, we started at 10 hours a month because that's what I could afford to have her help me with.
Lesley: Absolutely.
Rhonda: Now, she's grown with me and she's doing 40 hours a month. So, we've literally quadrupled what we were doing. I look back, I'm like, "Oh, my gosh. There were just a couple of things I had her working on and now she's running ..." She was always capable of doing it. It was just ... I think sometimes I didn't even know what to ask her to help me with.
Lesley: Right.
Rhonda: She's pushed me. You know what? I step out of my comfort zone. We just started a new project management tool that we can all be on the same page and we're getting a lot more done, and I told her, I said, "This is ... You're pushing me out of my comfort zone, and as much as we resist it, I know I need it.
Lesley: That's what's so great about virtual assistants because, a lot of times, they'll work for more than one client and they learn from different people and then they can bring that skill to you. But I was the same way. My first VA probably worked two or three hours a week so about $10 ... $10 ... about 10 hours a month. As your business grows, they can grow with you, and as your income increases, you can delegate more out. I know my VA has two other clients that she works for because she still ... She probably works for me about 10 hours a week now, so it's increased, but it's still not ... She's looking for about 30 hours a week. So, it works great.
Lesley: They don't have to just work for one person, and it is beneficial because sometimes they bring things to you that you're like, "Wow," because we use ... My social media assistant and I use Slack. I don't know if that's the one that you use, but that's how we collaborate. So, she can put things in Slack, and I can review them, we can collaborate on them, and then she can go ahead and post it. But that way, I oversee everything and make sure it's in tune with my voice and my mission without it just going directly to social media. So, there's so many great tools out there like that where you can collaborate and communicate and keep things in their channels so that it's not ... Emails get crazy and get lost, and then you go try to dig and, "Where's that conversation when we were talking about X, Y and Z? I don't know." So, tools like Slack, Asana, Trello. There's a lot of them out there that are great for that.
Rhonda: Yup. We just started using ... Asana is the one we started using.
Lesley: Okay. Yeah.
Rhonda: I mean, it's working really well. We've only been using it now for a couple of weeks, but, man, it's so nice to be able to be on the same page and assigning the tasks. Then, I think the big thing for me as business owner is I don't feel like I have to micromanage all the pieces, but I actually just want to know when stuff's done or where we're at on it because a lot of times what I'm working on is depending on where they're at on a certain part of the project.
Lesley: Right. Exactly.
Rhonda: To get stuff done and checked off, you're like, "Oh, my gosh. Okay. Good. Now, that can be-
Lesley: Yes.
Rhonda: ... set aside.
Lesley: Yes. I agree 100%. You're not wasting time emailing back and forth saying, "Where are you?" that sort of thing. You can just look and see where they're at.
Rhonda: Yeah.
Lesley: So, I liked that with ... Have you ever heard of or used Grasshopper, the phone service-
Rhonda: No.
Lesley: ... I was talking about?
Rhonda: So, I used to have my cell phone listed on my website because who has a business line these days if you work from home? The only problem was 90% of the calls were for my virtual assistant, but I didn't want to put her cell phone on that website, so we use Grasshopper, and so I have an 800, or it's an 833 number, but it's, "Press one for this, two for that, three for that," and so depending on which number they push, it'll either go directly to her or directly to me, but I can see every voicemail that's left as the owner of it and you can also text people back. I can see every time she responds by text. It comes to me. So, if I want to, I can review all of the different communication, make sure that everything was answered to my satisfaction. But now that she's been with me a while, I don't really have to do that as much. But yeah, that's another great tool that works good for small businesses from home where you have some ... a virtual team and you want to direct calls to different people.
Rhonda: Wow. That's really cool. So, is that actually an app?
Lesley: It's an app and it's ... You can use it on your computer. So, what's nice, too, is every time a voicemail is left, it also emails you the voicemail. So, you can listen to it in your email as well as the app.
Rhonda: That is awesome.
Lesley: But yeah, I really liked that.
Rhonda: So, for the women that are going through divorce, they can use it. "Press one for my ex-husband. Press ..."
Lesley: Yeah. Yeah. There you go. That's great.
Rhonda: Not taking his calls anymore. Don't call me. Oh, my gosh. That is awesome. I love the tips in the tools, right? Part of the reason that I wanted to do this podcast interview was because there are so many women that I work with that are needing to reinvent themselves or they're needing to be able to supplement the income that they're getting from child support and maintenance to be able to maintain a good standard of living for them and their kids or they just have time and they want to do something and make a difference and help people.
Lesley: Yeah.
Rhonda: I love the opportunity to be able to help them, introduce them to tools, resources, platforms that can help them do that. I think one of the other things, in addition to "What does it take for people that are working from home to be successful?" I think we also want to say, "Hey, what are some of the mistakes that people potentially make as they are working from home as well?" So, chat with us a little bit about that.
Lesley: Okay. One of the mistakes ... I already mentioned when people rush too quickly into something, then they don't really give it the time and attention that they should. For instance, "Oh, my girlfriend is making $500 a month. I'm going to do that. Or $5,000 a month," but it has something that you're totally not interested in. If it's home parties and multilevel marketing, that's great, and some people do very well, but if you know that's not your cup of tea, then you probably shouldn't waste your time because the people that make a lot of money work their butts off. They don't just sit at home and watch the cash roll in. So, that's really important. I think it's just ...
Lesley: Again, think about your personality, your strengths, your experience in research. I mean, the Internet is such a fast resource, so if you're looking to ... We were talking so much on the Internet. there's virtual administration, there's social media, there's blogging, there's writing, there's editing, there's web design, bookkeeping, accounting. There's so many different opportunities if you're looking to work for someone and not start your own business and there's tons of courses. So, if you want to be a virtual assistant, but you're thinking, "Oh, my skills are rusty. I really don't know if I could do Asana, Slack and all these things." None of these are difficult, but you do need to be acclimated to them and know how to use them because someone that's looking to hire is not going to want to train you on everything. So, if you can do 30-day, 60-day virtual assistant training, then you're so much more likely to get a job.
Rhonda: Yeah.
Lesley: We partnered with a few different people on some of those training programs that have actually been Hire My Mom members that started out as a virtual assistant and now they've transitioned into being more like a coach and courses and things like that. It's not just for virtual assistance. There are similar programs for if you want to do social media or bookkeeping or whatever it might be. So, yeah, I think it's just really deciding what you're passionate about, what you want to do and not wasting your time on something that you think you'll just make money at.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think, too, the return on the investment, right? The opportunity to be able to not only have the flexibility, but the cash flow aspect of it, too, I think is certainly an important and attractive piece of this whole conversation.
Lesley: Yes. I can relate because I think I mentioned before we did the podcast, I was divorced as well. I was married 14 years and went through a divorce, unexpected, unwanted, so not only financially devastates you, emotionally, mentally and everything. So, I can relate to where some of these ladies probably are. I had started my home business at that time, but I completely went missing pretty much for a month or two before I could really get my focus back. Thankfully, my business wasn't destroyed through that, and when I got my feet back underneath me, I actually ...
Lesley: I'm a woman of prayer. I was like, "Okay, God, I can't make it on what I'm making right now and I do not want to have to put my kids ... change more for them than already has been changed." I had two children at the time. They were five and seven, and I was like, "I don't want to have to move," and not because I need the house where I am, but I just didn't want to change more for them. If there was any way possible, I wanted to be able to stay where I was. same school, same friends, same house and not have to get a full-time job. I was trying my best to keep things as similar as it was without dad at home for my kids.
Lesley: So, I was just like, "Okay, God, I need some help here because I need to increase my income," and, "You know what I need," and, "I'm willing to cut back and eat ramen noodles. I've done that, been there, been that poor college kid, put myself through college, so I know how to live inexpensively." So, I did, and it was a luxury to take my kids out for ice cream at a time. That was a big deal. But slowly, I just felt like God gave me new ideas. At one point, I had ... My first website was Home-Based Working Moms and then I launched one for Canada, so I had a Canadian version, and then I launched a work at home kit where I wrote a workbook and had some other authors and their books and included membership, and then I had an e-directory of ... So, I had all these other ideas that came and really helped me expand my business and be able to continue working at home.
Lesley: Then, it wasn't until 2007, which was about five years after my divorce, when I started Hire My Mom. Now, that's the only website I have because it keeps me busy and it's the one that fits our times where we're at, you know? So, that adapting and changing. Like I said, this is my sixth website, and every website was current for the time. Who knows? Hire My Mom, may be a day when it's not current and the thing anymore, but for now, it is.
Rhonda: Yeah. That's awesome. That is awesome. Well, I know that we have covered a lot of ground so far. I always like to wrap up the podcast with two things. One is your favorite quote and the second thing is a client success story. So, let's go ahead and start with your favorite quote.
Lesley: Okay. Well, I have two. One, I've already mentioned, which is "Do what you love and the money will follow," and the other one is "Success is different for everyone, and only you can decide what success is for you." So, for me, success may be working from home and just making a good income. Success for someone else may be making six figures. Someone else, it may be raising kids and just working as little as possible. So, just knowing what success is for you and not getting caught up in what someone else's definition of success is.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. I love that. So, share with us one of your favorite client success stories.
Lesley: Yeah. I have two that recently came through, and both of them are favorites of mine because they are both previous Hire My mom job-seekers. So, they started out on Hire My Mom, found work, and one of them is an editor and the other one, I think she was administration, can't remember off the top of my head. But the bottom line is just in the last couple of months, both of them have come back to Hire My Mom as employers to post jobs because now their business has grown so much that they are now hiring a virtual team. So, that's my very favorite success story because it just shows the full circle of ... You might start out as the job seeker and get one, two, three, four clients, and your business may grow so much that you have to then come back and then hire someone to help you and outsource some of your work. So, yeah. Both of those stories are on our blog if somebody wants to read more about Monique and Andrea's success stories with us.
Rhonda: I love that. Isn't that ... I just have goosebumps because isn't that really what entrepreneurship for women is all about?
Lesley: Yes. Yes, I agree. Both of them still have young children at home, so they're living the dream, as they would say, being able to now ... Because I think as moms, it's so meaningful to be able to hire another mom because we've been there where we had littles and we wanted to be at home with them, then knowing, "I'm helping this mom be at home with her littles because it meant so much to me." That was my whole reason for starting Hire My Mom. It meant so much for me to be able to work from home. I wanted to help other moms, too, you know? As an entrepreneur now, it means so much to me to hire moms, to help them be at home, that it's the whole thing, you know? It's just one of my passions, obviously.
Rhonda: I love it. I love it. So, share with our listeners just really briefly about your business because I know there's the two sides. There's the job-seeker and then the employer, right?
Lesley: Right. Yes.
Rhonda: So, talk to us a little bit about that and how your platform works.
Lesley: Okay. So, yeah, you can come to our site. If you're a job-seeker, you can come, and I would say have your resume ready so that as soon as you join, you can start applying for jobs. We have three packages available for job-seekers. So, we have a one-week trial, we have a three-month, our gold membership, which is our most popular. So, the one-week trial is $9.99. The three-month gold membership is $29.99 Then, we have a platinum membership that is six months and it also includes being the featured candidate on the home page, and that one's $99. So, like I said, as soon as you sign up, you're able to apply for jobs immediately, any and all that you're interested in.
Lesley: Then, on the employer side, we also have three packages. So, we have a one-week trial for a posting a job, and that's $14.99. Then, our gold package to post a job for one month is $39. Then, we have the concierge service that I mentioned earlier, and that's where we basically do everything for the busy business owner who needs to hire a virtual professional, and the cost for that's is $4.99. So, all of those are available to small businesses and entrepreneurs.
Rhonda: Awesome. Awesome. Well, you are matchmaking, right, in a differences.
Lesley: Yes.
Rhonda: I just want to thank you so much for spending some time today to just share a little bit more about some tips and we shared some resources and some tools for women that just may be feeling like, "Where do I go next? I just got the word that I may be going through divorce," or, "We filed for divorce and now what?" I love that I have the opportunity to have met you and now share this great resource with the women that need you most.
Lesley: Yeah. Well, thank you. I appreciate being able to share with them.
QUOTE: “Find what you love, and the money will follow” AND “Success is different for everyone. Only you can decide what success is for you.”
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CONTACT INFORMATION:
Lesley Pyle
Founder & Owner
Hire My Mom
4057 Riley Fuzzel Road, Suite 500-117
Spring, TX 77386
lesley@hiremymom.com
(281) 757-2207
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In this episode, we discuss:
- The importance of having a vision and writing it down
- Hire a coach to help you!
- Surround yourself with the BEST people!
Rhonda: I am so excited to be joined today with my friend, Stacy Kaat. And she's not only a number one bestselling author, a speaker and also personal brand coach, she's also a woman who has gone through divorce and knows what many of you who are listening today are going through, what you're feeling like, some of the challenges you may be experiencing. And Stacy and I met several years ago, and it felt like we had known each other for a long time and I'm so grateful that we have had the opportunity to stay in touch. Thank you for joining us today.
Stacy: Well thank you for having me, Rhonda. I haven't really publicly spoken about my divorce, so this is kind of fun and a little bit scary.
Rhonda: I know that there's an element of vulnerability that comes with sharing our stories. I just want to say; you are welcome to share as much or as little as you want here today. And then we're going to transition into some keys on the personal branding side, but I just really feel like having this conversation is important because there may be women that are listening that are really going to resonate with what it is that you have to share. Thank you.
Stacy: You're welcome.
Rhonda: So, go ahead and share with us a little bit about your divorce story here as we're grabbing our coffee here on a chilly day here in Wisconsin, right, or tea?
Stacy: A rainy day at the end of June.
Rhonda: If you're listening, grab a beverage. You can decide if it's alcoholic or not, right?
Stacy: You can always put a little of that Baileys in your coffee!
Rhonda: I mean, right? Just saying.
Stacy: Why not? So, I was divorced I think about, or married, I'm sorry, married, about 15 years. And he was a great guy. There was a lot of great things about him, but he was kind of heading in a different direction and I was heading in another direction and there were a few main things along that path that happened that last year or so that really changed the course and kind of led toward the divorce. I think one of them was a family vacation that we were on. And I just remember his sister asking me ... She was about my age, in her late 40s, and she's like, "A lot of my friends are getting divorced. How about you?" And I said, "Well, a few of them are, but yeah, most of my friends are still married. Some of the marriages are rocky." She said, "Well, how do you feel?" And I said, "Well, I could take it or leave it." And I was kind of shocked that had come out of my mouth. I was like, "Wow, that just came out of my mouth."
Stacy: But I think the reality of it was, is that in my mind, maybe not consciously, I knew it was going to happen. We had moved from one house to another, we downsized, we got rid of a lot of things. We were simplifying our lives. We were paying off our debt. We had accumulated debt during that whole real estate crash. And there was a lot of things that happened.
Stacy: I just want to say this again that the man that I ... Dave, he was a great guy. And he was very supportive of me our entire marriage. Everything I wanted to do, he supported me. Any idea I had, he supported me. And so, this wasn't a case of “he's not a nice guy, he doesn't treat me well, we don't get along”, because we did. We got along really well. I could sense that his life path, the way his lifestyle was going, was not what I wanted. I had envisioned more of a very healthy lifestyle. I love being outdoors and I like to kayak and eat healthily, grow things in the garden and things like that. And that was the kind of lifestyle that I wanted, and I didn't feel that was happening anymore. We were starting to separate.
Stacy: I was taking a class, and one night I was getting ready to leave for class and I was wearing a black dress and a black jacket. I was all dressed up for this specific class. And I gave him a hug and a kiss goodbye. And I said, "I'll see you later." And he said, "I fear you." And I'm like, "What do you mean? You think I'm going to shoot you?" I was carrying a gun because I was going to a concealed carry class, and that day we had to dress up and pretend we were going to a wedding and how are you going to conceal? So, I was wearing this dress. Of course, I probably looked kind of cute, right? And it must've just been like, wow, he saw me looking the way I did and kind of saying goodbye, and he just said that to me and I was shocked. And then he said, "I fear you're going to leave me."
Stacy: I don't even know what I said. I cannot remember what I said. All I know is...I got into my car and all the way to the class, I just thought, "I think I'm getting divorced." So it was really a weird awakening like he knew, but I didn't really know. I mean, he kind of confronted me with something that must've been on his mind for a while. And then in my mind, I guess I just was ignoring the signs or ignoring the feelings because I thought, "Hey, I got married. I'm married. I have a child and this is how my life is supposed to be. This is the path I chose. I didn't plan on getting divorced. I'm not getting divorced." That was how I always felt.
Stacy: That was kind of the beginning of it. I wrote him a really long note, kind of discussing some of my disappointment in our relationship, which was, I don't know, something I really don't want to get into. Then he read the letter and the next day he said, "Do you want me to leave?" And I was like, "I think I need a little time to think about that." This happened really fast, in just a couple of days, right? All of a sudden it went from normal to like, holy crap, there's this note and he thinks I'm going to leave him and now he's asking if he should leave. So yeah, that's kind of how it began.
Stacy: And then I spent about a month in deep thought, "What am I going to do with my life?" I did not have a job. I was just working around the house, doing my gardening thing, fixing up houses. We owned a rental property at the time. I was taking care of that, taking care of our kid, and doing all that kind of stuff. So, I went on a little vacation by myself or with some other people, but not with him, and I came back still undecided, and we went out that night. When I got back, we went up to see a band that was playing, and I asked him to dance and he said no. And then I knew the answer. He didn't want to dance with me. So, then I think it was a couple of days later I asked him to leave.
Rhonda: Well, and anybody that knows you, gets to know you or has the opportunity to follow you online, you can just see the light that you bring, right? I mean, so you are a dancing type of person, right? Full of energy, full of life, so in that moment it was probably the symbolism as much as it was the fact that he didn't want to dance, right?
Stacy: Yeah. The whole thing is kind of surreal now that I'm talking about it again because this was six years ago. Yeah. Six summers ago in August.
Rhonda: I think one of the things that I think we often find or I see for women that are in mid-life, right, that are going through divorce is you're not only dealing with the stuff with your spouse but your parents as well, right? And you're aging and so you're trying to find your way in that. So at the time that you had gotten divorced, your mom was still around. Correct?
Stacy: When I asked him to leave, right after he moved out, about a month later, my mom told me she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was like, "Whoa." Yeah, that was really big. So yeah, that all happened at the same time. I was in shock with that. So here I am going, "Oh my gosh, what am I going to do with my life?" And he had just moved out and so I spent a lot of time with my mom and just to see her and see her as much as I could before we got ... We didn't get divorced until a little over a year later. We kind of hung on. He didn't live with me, but we stayed married because then I would have health insurance. And like I said, I didn't have a job and I didn't know what I was going to do with my life because I quit photography for a while, and I was doing the real estate stuff. I didn't have a paying job.
Rhonda: Right. Well, and it's tough because I think, and the reason, and I know it's emotional, right? Because it's like you've got the two people that are closest to you in your life at that point that are either parting ways are going to be parting ways and it's just a matter of time, right? I think as we were kind of preparing for our time together, I know that a lot of the suggestions or tips that you have for the woman that are going through a divorce stem from that time period, right, when you were in the midst of it? And honestly, I think you and I must have met just shortly after the divorce because it's not been that long. If you really look at it, it's not been that long. It feels like it was longer. Kind of looking at, here you are, you're needing to reinvent yourself, right? Or pick up things that were passionate to you that maybe you had left along the side? So, talk to us just a little bit about that.
Stacy: I really was kind of at a loss because I didn't know if I wanted to go back to photography. I was shooting weddings and portraits, and I kind of really got tired of doing that and I wasn't sure that I wanted to do that anymore. So really, I just went and got a job at Home Depot in the garden department and they need summertime help, right? I stayed unemployed after he left until the next spring because I was dealing with my mom and I was going back and forth to see her a lot. And she stayed around for a while yet.
Stacy: So, I got this job at Home Depot and that was kind of like, "Okay, well this is fun, and I can Zen out on these flowers for a really long time." They just had me watering flowers. I am in total Zen mode and I feel really good about this, but "Wow, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I'm sure I'm not going to stay here. This is really not challenging, even though it felt good for the time being, and it was kind of fun helping people. I enjoyed that. But I thought, "I got to go back to work."
Stacy: That job ended in July when the garden center kind of slows down and they kind of let me go and I was like, "Woohoo, it's 4th of July. I'm going to have a little bit of fun for 4th of July, and then August 1st, I am going back to work." So, I decided, "I'm just going to go to a networking event. I'm going to meet some people and I'm just going to throw it out there. Hey, I'm a photographer." That's what I did. I guess at that time I must've set up a Facebook page, a LinkedIn page, probably just those two. I'm sure that's what I did. I can barely remember anymore. And I just said, "Okay, I'm going to start doing photography." And I just told people, "Yeah, I do photography. I don't know exactly what it is that I'm doing. I'll photograph anything but just don't make me photograph your wedding. I don't want to do that. I'm done with that."
Stacy: Then when I got on LinkedIn and I started looking at all the pictures and making connections and then going to networking groups and meeting the people and then connecting with them online, I realized there was a really big disconnect between what I saw online and what I saw in person. That's where the personal branding thing started taking shape, even though I didn't know it then. But that's when I was like, "You need to get a better headshot. You need to look like you look like in person. I want to feel like I'm virtually handshaking you, like it's you that I see, not somebody that's five years younger, 20 pounds skinnier, and different glasses. It doesn't look like you." And that really was odd to me and it still is when I see that today. It kind of makes me laugh.
Stacy: That kind of started me on that path of, "Oh my gosh, these people need my help," because the world had changed in 10 years, right? There was no Facebook. People didn't have websites. We didn't have as many small businesses and entrepreneurs back then as we do now. With this surge of entrepreneurs, they needed more than a headshot. They needed other pictures and stuff, too. What happened then is it was a real slow progression. And as that progressed, I realized I kind of needed some help with my whole life because I was having a hard time focusing and dealing with the divorce, dealing with my mom dying. I need to find a place to live. I had a daughter still living at home with me.
Stacy: So, I hired a life coach, a person who helped me separate the different segments of my life and set goals in each place and helped me with my mindset and creating a positive outlook for the future. How am I going to deal with my mom? How am I going to deal with the divorce? How am I going to deal with finding a place to live and making it a place I love to live? Where am I going to have my office and my studio? She helped me build that just by giving me the tools to manage all that. That was really cool. I totally forgot what your question is. I feel like I'm rambling now, but-
Rhonda: Good. I think the importance, right, of having a vision, writing it down, segmenting out these areas of our lives, because I think as women, it is so easy for us to just be swirling all of he stuff and the negative stuff ends up clouding the positive stuff when there really are some positive things that are happening that we can celebrate, right?
Stacy: Totally.
Rhonda: But it's hard. I think guys have an easier time, right, of like, okay, they're very segmented. "This is my life and I'm going to put it up on the shelf and decide when I'm going to take it down," whereas we, not so much, right?
Stacy: Yeah. We're a little more swirly with everything.
Rhonda: Having the vision and writing it down in those respective categories, I think, is great. I know that was one of the things that helped you, hiring the coach, certainly. Another tip for people that are listening, you know, I think you and I met, fortunately met when I think we were supposed to meet, right? But, I wish in some instances that I meet women before they start that journey because I can help them along and be that coach that's helping them, and there's some aspects of that that we pull in other experts that specialize in certain areas, but having somebody to kind of walk through as they're reinventing themselves and asking those tough questions, and a coach, I mean, man, it's important. It really is important.
Stacy: It is. Luckily, I had a lawyer who was a mediator and so her whole idea was that everything should be good for everybody in the party, for me, for my daughter and for my ex-husband. It was nice having that type of an attorney, and my husband chose not to have an attorney, and so that kind of made it easier, too, to a certain degree. My divorce was probably less complicated than most people's divorces would be because he was just, "Well, whatever you want." And of course, I was taking him into consideration. I said, "Do you want the house? Do you not want the house? Do you want to sell the house?" And he said, "I want the house." I said, "Okay, the house is yours."
Stacy: It was really easy. But in a lot of other people's circumstances, I'm sure it will be much more difficult and maybe more assets to navigate through and a lot of different issues. We live a block away from each other right now. I bought a house a block away from him. So, I mean, we chose to make it really easy for all of us. But when there's complications or there are so many things, there are so many questions that you don't know the answers to, to have someone help you weed through that, and I think help you see some of the options, is very beneficial.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, and you know what? I think one of the things that I have helped women with is determining, okay, there's a lot of different ways that you can get divorced. And I think everybody wants to say, "Oh, well, we'll just do mediation because it seems the easiest, the cheapest, the simplest.” And I always say it depends on the parties, right? There are people that probably think mediation is great for everybody. I personally do not believe that. I believe that it depends on who's coming to the table.
Stacy: Circumstances. Yeah. If I had a husband that was not ... I mean, I knew he was going to be cooperative, but if I were to have a different…, it may not have worked at all.
Rhonda: I think a lot of times, the mediation aspect, a lot of times what I see is, when you have a spouse who is more in a position of control and there isn't a level playing field, at least in respect for one another, right, it can be used as a tool to keep the spouse from asking too many questions or digging too much or asking for the facts or whatever. It's like, "Oh, we'll just do mediation and everything will be rosy and we'll just go our own ways." And it's not always quite that simple.
Rhonda: I just think that a lot of times people need to look at the personality of the spouse and not just assume, "Oh, everything's going to be amicable," because, well, no. That's the number one pitfall for divorces. It's going to be amicable and he's going to be fine. Yeah, they're fine for right now in the beginning. But what happens if this thing goes off the rails? Because now you start asking questions or you gather some more facts or whatever, and you want this to be all out contentious? No, but do I think that the mediation piece is something that folks can consider? Yes. With your eyes wide open in knowing their spouse, because remember, our spouse, right, soon to be ex-spouse knows all our hot buttons, all our triggers. To think that they're not going to use that to their advantage would be foolish.
Stacy: Well, and in my case, the thing that happened was, is that my lawyer was a mediator. He never even met her. She and I just did all of the work because he didn't want to be involved. That's how little he just ... What is the word for that? He just let me take care of all of it, kind of like a lot of our marriage. I just kind of took care of the stuff that needs to be taken care of and he just let me do it. And so, it was exactly the same way as our marriage. He just said, "Okay," and I just took care of it. But it may not have been that way if he would've showed up at the table, even if he would have showed up to the meeting.
Stacy: I know that she was really concerned about me because I did not have a job and she wanted more money, for me to get more money. And I said, "No, I'm not doing that." That was one of the things that she was worried about me, like, "You're starting a business. You have a daughter. You're going off on your own and you have nothing." She was very concerned about that. So, yeah, but I mean, I was lucky it worked out the way it did.
Rhonda: Yeah. Well, and I think there's a fine line, right, between ... Women are resourceful. They will find a way, right? However, and I don't want to speak out of turn, but a lot of times you see the impact of those decisions’ years later even, you know what I mean? It hasn't been easy for you to build a business. It hasn't been easy for you to be starting over, right?
Stacy: Right.
Rhonda: Each situation's a little bit different. And I think nobody's going to say, "Hey, you should just forego everything and do your thing." I think expressing the concern ultimately, right, at the end of the day, it's each individual's decision on what they want to do, on how they want to proceed with that. But I'm glad that it worked out for you for many reasons, and I think those are some really great tips. One of the other tips that you wrote down as we're chatting was surround yourself with the best people, and I could not agree more.
Stacy: Yeah, that's huge. Huge because what happens when you're going through a divorce is that I had family members and friends who did not support that because of the belief system that you're married, you should stay married forever or do whatever you can to make it work out. And because I think part of it was they never really saw us like looking like a couple that didn't get along, because we got along. But the support system with my family was really hard for me because my father, who had been through several divorces, I could tell he was not happy about my decision at all. So, that kind of stunk. My mom, I think she kind of knew, and she was very supportive of it. Of course, I wasn't going to have her around for very long.
Stacy: But then going to the networking events, that's where I met my support. That's where I met the different coaches and mentors and businesspeople that could help me get my business going. I found my business coach through networking, and I made amazing friends, you being one of them. I am surrounded by the most amazing people, and I did that probably not really even knowing, but I know now that it was a great decision to do that, to be around people who are inspiring and encouraging and doing great things. Yeah. So I think that's really important, especially when you might have family and friends that don't support where you're going.
Rhonda: Yeah. You know what? I think it is part of that natural process for relationships to change as you're making some of those big decisions, and it's never easy and it's sad and it's hurtful. But I was just talking with a girl this morning, one of my clients, and I said, "When stuff like that happens though, I really believe that situations like divorce or challenging situations really allow us to see how people really are." And she's like, "Yeah. My future daughter-in-law unfriended me on Facebook," just because.
Rhonda: Okay. Well, you, unfortunately, get to see, right, really where people are at. Are they going to kind? And even if they don't agree with the situation, it's always different than what people see on ... Even when people tell us things, it's always worse than what they tell us. And there's always more to the story. There's always more to the story, and I think probably from your dad's perspective, right, having gone through it, he knew the pain.
Stacy: He knew pain. He did not want to see me in pain. And I know now that I look back at it, that's why he wasn't supportive of it. He still worries about me in that way because he knows what it's like to be alone and be in that in-between state as an adult, having to start over with a relationship.
Rhonda: Yeah, for sure. So, as we wrap up our time together, I know time always goes so quickly, I want you to share, if you do have a favorite quote.
Stacy: Okay. Now this quote, a friend of mine said this to me and I don't think ... Somebody might have said it, but we don't know who. "The key to going through hell is traveling fast."
Rhonda: Say it again.
Stacy: So, "The key to going through hell is traveling fast." So, when I say that, I mean get help, surround yourself with those great people, hire people to help you, because that helps speed up that process and it'll make your life so much easier if you do that.
Rhonda: Yeah, I love that quote.
Stacy: I love that quote. I should really get that framed.
Rhonda: You should.
Stacy: I should get that framed. I do love it. And that's just a recent quote and I'm like, "Ooh, that is a perfect quote. I love that quote."
Rhonda: When you told me that quote, because you had shared that with me prior to recording, I love it because I always say, there's times where you wish, "Gosh, I really wish I could shortcut this for people," just like with our kids, for those of us who have kids, right, do we really have to watch them go through that painful experience? And unfortunately, we do, right? Because it's those situations that build character and refine our purpose and all that kind of stuff. And so, if we can't, right, sidestep it, I always say it's a labyrinth. There's one way in and one way out. You file and then you get the marital settlement agreement. But there's all this stuff that goes in between, right? So how can you get through it as quickly and as efficiently as possible so that you can move on?
Stacy: Yeah. So, you can move on with less headaches, less headaches.
Rhonda: Less headaches, right? So, as we share the quote, one other thing that I usually like to have people share it as a success story. If you don't want to share the names that's fine, but just share with us a way that you've been able to help people develop their personal branding that has allowed them to really enhance what they're doing online.
Stacy: Well, I'll share a story that was shared publicly by a girl who I photographed recently, Heather Schaefer. So, Heather sells Ruby Ribbon undergarments that are shapewear garments for women, right? She's a really cool lady. She came in for a photoshoot, and we did the photographs and she got them all done and started using them online. A few weeks later I ran into her at an event and she was like, "Stacy, I have had a big boost in my visibility and exposure online." She's like, "I've had the most team growth than any other month I've ever had in my business and more cold contacts and a significant increase in private messaging online."
Stacy: She was just so excited about that. I said, "Heather, will you please write me a review or a testimonial?" And she did. And so, she wrote it up, basically that but a little bit longer. And when you get stuff like that, when you understand that or when you see people utilizing their pictures and knowing that it's worked for them ... She also is really great with their messaging. So the messaging with the photographs together is really what does it for her. But to see that that really boosted her confidence ... When you get pictures taken of yourself that are really good, it boosts your confidence. It makes me feel good about putting yourself out there. It gets you excited. And then I think with her messaging and that, people felt that energy and it really exploded for her, which is great to see. I love it when I can help people with that.
Rhonda: Yeah, for sure, and-
Stacy: It’s good that I can be a great boost for people.
Rhonda: Right. Well, and things have shifted, right? I mean, it's such a great opportunity for people to reinvent themselves and go through the process of identifying what they want their personal brand to be. And you do such a great job of capturing people's personalities around what it is that they're doing. So it's not just, "Hey, I'm standing behind a boring background with a headshot," right? "And the angle's bad and it doesn't even look like me." Starting with a nice headshot, right, that you can put on social media, that allows people to feel like they can get to know you a little bit. Do they know who you are? Do they like you? Do they trust you?
Rhonda: I know one of the things that you do, because I've gone through the process with you is, "Okay, well what are the three words that really describe you? Before we even start snapping the pictures, what is it that you want to convey to your audience?" I remember, mine, it was I want to be viewed as knowledgeable, trustworthy and loyal. Yeah. And that came through in the photos.
Stacy: Right. It's hard to say because it's a visual thing, and to me also, it's about eye contact and it's about do you look like you look confident about what you do, and do you look friendly? Because if you don't have those three things, eye contact, friendly, approachability, and then the three words are kind of like an extra. What can we extract out of these? Which one of these pictures says that the most? So that's kind of how I like to work it because I want people to have a connection with you when they see your face online. And then when they see you in person, they're like, "That's the same person. That's the person I met. I know who that is," and they get a feel for who you are.
Rhonda: It's always challenging because you're like, "Oh my gosh, I look so good. I don't know. Is that still the same girl?" No, but you do a really good job and you've got a team of people that come alongside and do the hair and the makeup, which again, I think one of the most important things when we're doing and taking photos or doing video or whatever, it's like, we see enough online where people just wake up out of bed, don't do their hair. I'm like, "Can you just do a little something here?"
Stacy: But, I mean, you want it to look like you. I always tell people, "Don't do so much. Do what you normally do, but because you're under these big bright lights, every little detail shows and it's a flat picture, or even if it's a video, it's very similar. People see you under these big bright lights, so you just got to do a little bit more just because of that."
Rhonda: Absolutely.
Stacy: You still want to look like you.
Rhonda: Absolutely. Well, I just want to thank you so much for taking time to share not only with me, but with our audience, a little bit about your story because I know this is one of the first times that you've shared that, so I'm honored that you took the time to do that. Thank you for sharing your passion with us, the passion for helping, in our case, the women really stepping into their personal brand, rebuilding a presence online that's reflective of their personalities offline.
Stacy: Well, thank you for having me, Rhonda. This was really fun. I'm wondering who's going to hear my story. I hope it helps other women. There could be people having similar little things like that happen and they just need to hear someone else's story to help them step up and move along the path.
Rhonda: No, that is awesome. Well, we certainly encourage everybody to check out your contact information. They can visit your website at stacykaat.com.
Stacy: Correct.
Rhonda: ... as well as all of your social media handles that will be included in in the show notes. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Stacy: Thank you, Rhonda.
QUOTE: “The key to going through hell is traveling fast.” – unknown
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RESOURCES:
Co-author in the book series “Brilliant Breakthroughs for the Small Business Owner; Fresh Perspectives on Profitability, People, Productivity, and finding Peace in your Business.” Her chapter is titled “Why your headshot could be a turn off and how to turn it on.” Stacy guides you to align your vision with your personality so you can gain confidence in how you present yourself online and in person. She collaborates with you to create authentic pictures that showcase your expertise, help you attract the right customers, so you can get paid what you are worth!
CONTACT INFORMATION:
Stacy Kaat
#1 Bestselling Author, Speaker, and Business Personality Coach
Stacy Kaat Photography
stacy@stacykaat.com
(414) 758-0622
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In this episode, we discuss:
- Why divorced women should talk to their parents about their parents’ finances
- How to start the conversation and what to gather
Rhonda: All right. I am so excited to be able to interview today, Cameron Huddleston. She is the author of Mom and Dad, We Need to Talk: How to Have Essential Conversations with Your Parents About Their Finances. She is an award-winning personal finance journalist, and life and money columnist for GoBankingRates. So, thank you so much for joining us today.
Cameron H.: Thank you so much for having me on your show.
Rhonda: So, this is a topic that anybody who's had any conversation with me or seen some of the things that we've been doing here at the Women's Financial Wellness Center, I have been a champion for having the conversation with our parents about money. Some might think, "Okay, Rhonda. Well, I thought this was a podcast about women going through divorce." Yes, it is. You're in the right place. But I also feel like as women are going through these challenges, we know that most of our clients are 45 to 65, and that also means that their parents are aging.
Rhonda: So, it's not uncommon for them to be dealing with a divorce, and yet trying to help mom and dad navigate through their personal aspect related to finances. So, I am so excited to be able to dive into this topic. Let's start with, first, the why. So, we're going to talk about the why, the how, and the what. So why should divorced women talk to their parents about the parents' finances?
Cameron H.: Obviously, everyone should be having these conversations, but I really do think women, in particular, and that includes divorced women, absolutely must have these conversations because women are much more likely than men to become caregivers for their parents. I mean, more than half of caregivers are women. And so, this can impact your finances big time.
Rhonda: Yes, absolutely.
Cameron H.: Big time because most people do not have any sort of long-term care plan. They don't have long-term care insurance. And if they don't have that, then they often don't have any other way to pay for long-term care. So that means their children are their long-term care plan. And as a woman, you are most likely going to be that caregiver, that long-term care plan for your parents. You want to know this before you're in a situation where you have to step in and start providing care because, like I said, this will impact your finances.
Cameron H.: Being a caregiver is a full-time job. I know this because my mother has Alzheimer's. She was diagnosed 10 years ago when I was 35 and she was 65. I had young kids at the time. I still had a child in diapers at the time. I always thought my mother was going to be there for me to help me with my kids. But the roles were flipped entirely. I had to step in and start helping her with her finances, and then help provide care for her. She lived with us for a little while. And then it got to the point where it was too hard for me to juggle caring for my mom and for my kids. Even with the help, even with a hired helper, it was still too much.
Cameron H.: Fortunately, we had some conversations and I knew ... Obviously, we had conversations because I had to get her in to meet with an attorney to get her legal documents updated so I could legally step in and start managing her finances for her. And this is so, so important. This is one of the key reasons why you must have these conversations because you have to be mentally competent to sign a will, or living trust, a power of attorney, and advanced healthcare directive. And so, if you wait until mom and dad are already having health issues, it can be too late.
Cameron H.: And just for people who don't know, people are pretty aware of what a will does. But a power of attorney lets you name someone to make financial decisions for you if you no longer can, and the advance healthcare directive lets you name someone to make healthcare decisions for you, and also spells out that end of life care you want like whether you want to be on life support. And so, I did this with my mother in the very, very early stages of her dementia when she was still competent enough. If I had not done this, I would not have been able to step in and start managing her finances for her without going through very expensive and lengthy court proceedings to be named her conservator. So, we had done these things.
Cameron H.: But like I said, as I stepped in and started caring for her, it was difficult. Finances aside, emotionally it was difficult, and it was too much of a tug of war on me. And I really wish I had had conversations with my mother before she started having issues. Because once we were already there, we weren't talking about hypotheticals. We were in the thick of it. And of course, she was having memory issues. So those conversations weren't easy. If we had had them earlier and I had said, "Mom, let's figure out what sort of long-term care you would want if you ever need it," just would've been so much easier if we had had those conversations in advance.
Rhonda: Right. Absolutely. Well, and I'm also thinking one of the things that I did and having that conversation with my parents was I set up my birthday as a deadline. Like, "Hey, I need to have this conversation before ..." We'll just take a date, my 39th birthday. And you're like, "Oh, I really don't want to have this conversation." And I know you talk about this in the book like, "Well, what if the fear? What if they think I'm trying to skew the results, or influence their decision making, or whatever?"
Rhonda: I had a good friend who at the time was into the death care industry. So, she owned a cemetery. She's like, "Rhonda, you know this is important." I'm like, "I know. And I know that I encourage other people to have these conversations, so I know that I have to do it." And so, I set my birthday, which is April 6th, as the deadline. Well, only as good friends do, she called me on April 5th and said, "Have you had the conversation?" And I said, "No, but I have 24 hours yet."
Rhonda: I did end up calling my parents and having that conversation. And it's one of those where you're like, "Women are often the ones we've got an initiate," right? And I know you talk about this in your book and we'll get into a little bit like, okay, well how do you even start the conversation? And I was like, "Well, I'm going to start by saying here are my wishes. By the way, what are yours?" And it opened the doors, and then you're like, "Okay, well we can check that off the list for now. We'll revisit it later." But at least we were able to start having those conversations.
Rhonda: One of the other things that you said that I think is important is it can impact us as women, our financial situation if our parents haven't planned. And not only when they're alive, but also in planning their end of life expenses as well. Because I always say, you can only pass the hat around so many times at the funeral. Somebody's got to write a check, right? And so, that somebody would be the next of kin, aka … us.
Cameron H.: Right. Right.
Rhonda: And they don't wait. I mean, the funeral homes do not do payment plans. So, it is at the time of service that somebody needs to pay. So, there are lots of phases to that that could really impact your finances as well.
Cameron H.: Certainly, because you will have to be involved in your parents' finances one way or the other. Maybe your parents will never need you to care for them. Maybe they will never need you to help them out financially as they age. But like you said, I mean, we all die. If your parents have not planned for that, and maybe they don't have money to pay for their funeral, maybe they don't have a will, it will impact you. I mean, it will impact you even if they have plan because you're going to have to get in there and sort everything out if you've been named the executor of their will, or maybe you and your siblings have to do it together.
Cameron H.: But if they don't have a will, it can lead to fighting if they don't have any finances, nothing set. If they don't have any money set aside to pay for their funeral, then yes, they're going to be passing the hat around you and your siblings, or if it's just you, someone's going to have to pay for it.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's ... It's hard to have those conversations or start the conversations. But you don't want to be in that spot where you wish should've, could've, would've had, something as simple as making sure that you're on the same page. And I think too, the power of attorney role, like, "Oh, this is a really honored spot to be." It is, but it comes with a boatload of work. Right?
Cameron H.: A ton. It's not an easy job.
Rhonda: No, it isn't. And unfortunately, like you said, these types of situations don't always bring out the best in people, right? Because they're stressed, and they're tired, and overwhelmed. And if they don't feel like they're bringing the knowledge to the table, everybody kind of has their best interest in mind, right? I mean, that's just human nature, at least initially. And so, it can really make those situations very challenging.
Cameron H.: I think, though, you brought up something. Women who are going through a divorce, or who have recently gone through one, are honestly in a very good position to bring up this conversation with their parents because they can talk about some of the experiences they have. Like, "Mom and dad, obviously you know I just went through a divorce, and I realized I needed to update my will. I needed to change the beneficiaries on my life insurance and my retirement account. And when I was doing this, it made me think about you. I just wanted to make sure ..." And maybe your parents have gone through a divorce themselves, or maybe they did these things years ago, and they haven't updated their will, or they never got around to it.
Cameron H.: "Mom and dad, I just went through this process myself. I just kind of wanted to check in to see where you guys stand with this? Have you drawn up a will? Have you updated it recently to reflect any changes in your life? Have you updated your beneficiaries on your insurance policies, on your retirement accounts? I know I did this, and I'm so glad I got around to doing it. Unfortunately, it was a bad situation that forced me to do it, but I just thought I check in to see whether you've done this."
Cameron H.: You can use your own life event to start these conversations with your parents. Talk about yourself and your own experiences. That can really open the door to conversations with your parents. It's not going to be like you're coming out of the blue and bringing it up. You have a reason to start the conversations.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. I think that is so spot on, right? Because they are in the middle of it. Once the divorce is final, whatever estate planning that woman and her husband had in place is then null and void. So, they do have to go through that reestablishing the estate plan, identifying what their wishes are. And so, I think it is a great, natural time to have those conversations. I love that you brought that up.
Cameron H.: And I was going to say too that I ... One of the reasons I knew I had to get my mother in to update her documents is because she had gone through a divorce. She and my father divorced several years before she had Alzheimer's diagnosis. And I had a feeling she probably hadn't updated her own documents. And so, I wanted to make sure she had done that before again. Certainly, life events are a good way to start these conversations.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Let's talk a little bit about ... I know in your work, and I had the privilege to preview it. And so, thank you for that opportunity. I can't wait to get a hard copy. One of the things that you talk about in there, which I just chuckled because my kids are at this age where I can totally relate, and that is starting that conversation with our parents is kind of like having that preteen or teen birds and the bees conversation. Like you know you need to have the conversation, and somebody's got to go first.
Cameron H.: You know, I'm so glad you brought that up because this conversation is often equated with the birds and the bee talk. GoBankingRates just released a survey. They asked adults across America whether they've had detailed conversations with their parents about their finances. 73% have not. 73% have not. GoBankingRates also asked, "What conversation would you rather have? Are you more comfortable having with your parents than talking to them about money?" And what blew me away is that, and this is a small percentage, but it's still there.
Cameron H.: 9% of people said they would rather talk to their parents about their parents' romantic life than talk to them about their finances. And I was like, "Who are these people? How can talking about money, about your parents' finances, be scary talking to your parents about their sex lives?" That is a conversation I never would want to have. It's way too awkward. But there are people out there who think that's less scary than talk to their parents about money.
Cameron H.: I get it. It can seem scary. It can seem awkward, but you do have to keep in mind that as awkward as the conversation might seem, these are your parents. They love you, and they might seem and feel a little bit uncomfortable when you bring it up, but they're probably not going to be so mad at you that they're never going to talk to you again. If you point out to them the reason why you're having this conversation because you're looking out for their best interest, which is ... That's why we as parents had these conversations with our kids about the birds and the bees. It's your job as a parent, and you can ... You can even use that, "Mom and dad, do you remember when you had that conversation with me, that awkward conversation when I was a kid about the birds and the bees? Why did you have that conversation?"
Cameron H.: And of course, they're going to say something like, "Well, it's my job as a parent. You have to have those uncomfortable conversations sometimes." And then you say, "Yeah, you're right. And I know this might seem a little bit uncomfortable now. But as your child, I feel like it's my job to also look out for you. And so, I want to have this conversation with you now because I want to make sure that as you get older, I'm going to be able to provide that care that you provided for me. And to do that, we need to have this conversation, and I don't want you to think of it as uncomfortable. No matter how uncomfortable you think it is talking about money, if we don't have the conversation, the consequences could be a lot worse. I might not legally be able to step in and help you. We might not have a plan for what sort of care you want. Having these conversations now really will give us all peace of mind and make things easier as you get older."
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. And make sure that, like you said, that you can execute what their wishes are. You know what I mean? It ultimately is about that. I know that in your book you talk about, essentially, 10 ways to start that conversation, and you give some really great examples. Would you be open to sharing? I know you've given a couple examples already, but one or two that maybe stand out that you'd like to share with our listeners?
Cameron H.: I think a great way to start this conversation is to use a story. And so, of course, if you are a Gen Xer, like I am, and you're part of the sandwich generation, you are guaranteed to have a story. You know someone you work with, a friend who is already dealing with this – who has a parent who has passed away without a will, a parent that they've had to leave a job to care for. You set as a story. "Mom and dad, I have a friend who she just had to take time off work to help out her mother who had a stroke. I'd love to talk to you about what we can do to plan in case a situation like this arises." Or, "Mom and dad, I have a friend whose parents passed away without a will. The father was in a second marriage, their step-kids. I know we all get along well, but, mom and dad, let's talk about this so that there aren't any surprises, and so we can make sure that we follow through with your wishes."
Cameron H.: Again, turning it back to, what are your wishes? So, even if you don't have a story, you can make one up. I know that sounds like you're lying, but really what you're doing is opening the door to a very important conversation. Or you just say, "Hey, I was listening to this podcast. This woman was talking about how she had to care for her mother who had Alzheimer's." An article. I was reading an article. There are so many ways to use a story to start the conversation.
Cameron H.: If you don't feel like that's the best way to approach it, and sometimes you must try a couple of different ways. Like I said, the life event can work, or perhaps you had your own experience meeting with a financial planner, an attorney, an accountant, and you use your experience. "Hey, mom and dad, I just went through the process of doing X, Y, and Z. It was so helpful for me. What have you done to prepare for things going forward for your retirements, for any long-term care?" Or, "Mom and dad, I met with a financial planner. Maybe this is something you want to do too. Maybe you want to meet with my financial planner. I found it to be really useful." Or, "I met with an attorney, and it was so great to make sure I got all these documents updated."
Cameron H.: So, kind of in fact suggesting that they meet with that third party because oftentimes, parents are uncomfortable talking about with their kids. But when someone else professional says, "You should be doing this. You should be having these conversations. You should be making a plan." Your parents could be more willing to listen.
Rhonda: Yeah. And I think sometimes we forget the amount of influence that we may have on our parents. I mean, I know that my parents today have an estate plan because I said, "Okay, listen, we've got to get this stuff in order." You know what I mean? Like, "Let's meet with somebody. I've got this great person. He's in your area. And I had known this estate planning attorney through some of the networking that I had done." And they got it done. You know what I mean? Sometimes they just need a little ... Maybe they don't know who to talk to, or where to start.
Rhonda: I mean, I grew up in a small town. I think back to my childhood; nobody was meeting with financial advisors at that point. Everybody just kind of like, "I don't know what they did." They had the one attorney in the town that did everything. He did divorces. He did estate planning. I mean, whatever you needed. Again, just helping them connect with the right people, trusted people, that can help them I think is important.
Cameron H.: And you're so right too. Sometimes all they need is a little nudge because they might have been planning on having this conversation with you, believe it or not, but they just haven't gotten around to it. And you bring it up and they say, "Oh, you know what? You're right. I've been meaning to talk to you about this." And all it took was you to ask, that's it.
Rhonda: Yeah. I think there is probably an element of relief, because most of them are probably thinking about it, right? They've either had somebody recently pass away, or they've been dealing with their aging parents at some point or whatever. It is in the back of their mind, and they're just waiting for somebody to initiate that conversation. I feel like that's the great thing about for us as women. I feel like there is a lot of responsibility and opportunity for us to be the ones to initiate those conversations. So, I love that. Let's also talk about ... So, we've talked about why. Why should they have the conversation? How do they start the conversation? And then, what information should they gather?
Cameron H.: This really on your parent's comfort level. If your parents seem to be reluctant to talk, you need to at least find out whether they have those estate planning documents I mentioned: the will, the power of attorney, the advanced healthcare directive. Because, like I said, it's so important to have these in place while you are still competent because if there is something that has left you mentally incompetent, you can't sign those documents anymore.
Cameron H.: So, at the least find out whether they had these documents, and then you also want to find out how they pay their bills. And this is so important because if something were to happen to them, you want to find out, "Mom and dad, are you writing a check to pay your bills, or is it set up to be paid automatically? And I'm asking you this, mom and dad, because if something happens to you, if you end up in the hospital, if there's an accident, I need to make sure that your mortgage gets paid, or your rent gets paid, or the doctor's bills are paid, and I need to know whether you've named me power of attorney or someone power of attorney so that someone can sign checks for you if they have to."
Cameron H.: This is what you had to find out at the least. If they are willing to share this information, then dig a little bit deeper. And the thing is, as you're asking for this information, you don't want to do it all at once. You don't want to sit down and say, "Okay, mom and dad, we're going to spend the whole day talking about your finances. So, get ready. Brew a pot of coffee, get ready to drink it all because we got to blind it all in one day." You don't want to do that. You do it in steps.
Cameron H.: The first step might be talking about the wills, and the power of attorney. Where are these documents located? Okay. You don't have one. Let's help you find an attorney who can help you draft these documents. Or let's go online to a website such as nolo.com, download the forms that you can fill out. Start with that, and then if they are willing to tell you more information, try to get some more details what sort of insurance policies do they have? Do they have life insurance? Do they have a long-term care insurance policy? If they have a home, they probably have homeowner’s insurance policy. Where are those policies? How are they paid? What sort of debt do you have? Are you willing to share with me?
Cameron H.: You don't have to tell me how much you owe. I just want an idea. Do you still have a mortgage on your house? Are you carrying credit card debt? Are you still paying off my student loans, or perhaps your own student loans? Do you have other sources of income beyond what your job is paying you, or what your business provides? Do you have social security income that you're getting now? Do you have a pension that's supporting you?
Cameron H.: Those are the sort of things you want to find out, and then get into the real nitty gritty. What sort of accounts? Account passwords and usernames, account numbers, and they don't have to tell you this. But if you can get them to write it down for you, put it some place safe and tell you where you can find it so that if something does happen, you have access to that, and you can actually step in and help. Because this is something that I did not do with my mother in advance, and because I didn't even know what accounts she had, there was $50,000 sitting in an investment account that we almost lost because I didn't know it existed.
Cameron H.: We had moved from the time when she was living with us, and then I put her into assisted living, and then we moved. Statements were going to that old address. And then they were about to turn it over to the state as unclaimed property. Unfortunately, the former owners, the new owners of our house, said, "Hey, we've got some mail for you." And so, I realized that there was this account that had slipped under my radar, and I was able to access it as her power of attorney, cash it out, and use it to pay for almost a year's worth of care for her. But I didn't even know it existed because I had not had those conversations soon enough with my mother about it and made that list of accounts.
Cameron H.: So, the more information you can get, the better. Realizing that your parents might be reluctant to share it, though, like I said, ask them to write it down for you, put it someplace safe and tell you how to access it.
Rhonda: Yeah, I love that. Well, and I also love the little conversations too. Like I was at my parents’ house a couple of weeks ago, and I said, "Okay, so if something happened to you, how would we pay for things?" Meaning, how are the accounts set up, or whatever? And they did go and add some additional beneficiaries of me and my brother on some of the accounts so that if something did happen, we would have access to those funds.
Rhonda: There's a lot of different ways that people can do that. But making sure that you have those little bits of conversation. She had a couple of to-do things. I had asked her to go back to the estate planning attorney and ask a couple of questions, and she did that. Again, it was probably a two-minute conversation. She left and she goes, "Okay, now what is it that I have to do?" And so, she had a notebook, and she wrote them down, and she did them. And I thought, "You know what? That's great."
Rhonda: So, I think sometimes we underestimate the influence that we do have on our parents, and the opportunity to just help them. And, sometimes allowing those conversations to happen organically, like you said, once you open that door to say, "Hey, I was working on some of my stuff. Gosh, do you guys have your stuff? Where's your stuff?" Or, "Do you have a will?" Or, "Have you completed some of those power of attorney documents or healthcare documents or whatever?" They will talk.
Rhonda: And so, it can be just this really like beautiful organic conversation that somewhat brief. You get a little info, or you give a little info, and then you can learn from that. I love that. You know, I was thinking too, in preparation for our time together, I always believe that the formula to help women become more confident is gaining the knowledge of what to do and how to do it, but then doing it, right? Like, "Okay, if we've got the knowledge without the experience theory, if we've got the experience without the knowledge, well, we're probably making a trial and error. But if we've got the knowledge, couple little tips and then we do it. It's going to help build our confidence along the way.
Rhonda: And I really feel like that is how your book is structured. I love how it's got the specific chapters where people could read it from cover to cover. But it's very well-organized in a way that if people had specific questions like, "How do I start that conversation? Is it too late?" All those kinds of things. They can go to that chapter and just read the chapter, right? So, the women don't have to feel overwhelmed by, "Okay, I got to read this whole book before I have the conversation." You can read snippets of it, right?
Cameron H.: Exactly. Exactly. And one of the things I tried to do, because most of us, we were not taught about personal finance. We didn't learn it in school. Our parents didn't teach it to us. And so, so few of us we're so far from being experts, but that shouldn't stop you from having this conversation. You shouldn't say, "Well, I can't talk to my parents about their finances because I'm not on top of my own finances." Don't let that stop you. The way I wrote the book is I try to explain all these concepts in very simple terms. I have a whole chapter on estate planning documents, and I explain what they are because I don't expect people to know what a power of attorney is, or an advanced healthcare directive is.
Cameron H.: I explain the whole ins and outs of long-term care, like the various types of long-term care, how much it costs. Because again, why would you know that? Unless you've gone through it yourself, which I figured it out really kind of through trial and error even though I had been a financial journalist for years, so much of what I had to do when I was helping my mother out, I had to figure out on my own, and I made mistakes along the way. And so, I want people to learn from my mistakes, which is why I wrote the book.
Cameron H.: And so, I really did try to explain all these financial concepts in layman's terms. I don't want anyone to feel like they must go into these conversations confused. You don't have to be an expert to have them. You just, like you said, need to get started, and then look it up. I mean, if I don't provide the answers for you in my book, if you never buy my book, just get on the internet and Google it, and it will help. There's so much information out there.
Rhonda: Yeah. And you do a really good job of obviously taking lots of information, and like you said, condensing it into layman's terms. For those of us who like stats, there's a little bit of stats in there, and then each chapter ends with an exercise. Because I said, "Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. This is really great information, but hey, we got to put it to use."
Cameron H.: Something else I also included were a lot of stories from people who did this, who had these conversations, and people who struggle to have these conversations talking about how they finally got through to their parents. Because it's not always easy, and sometimes your parents are going to resist, and resist, and resist. And that's why trying to start sooner rather than later because they can take a long time to get through to them.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. Well, thank you for the book because it is ... I'm so excited for it to get out into the world, and for women to be able to just have some important conversations and be able to report back of all the successes that they're having. And you think about just the impact, not only on them, but ... I mean, this is legacy stuff. This is beyond just us in having these conversations. And so, I love that. As we wrap up our time together, I always like to end the podcast with two things. One is your favorite quote, and a success story. So why don't we start with the success story?
Cameron H.: Would you like it to be a success story related to my book and the topic we've been discussing?
Rhonda: Sure. Yes.
Cameron H.: Okay. So, one of the women I interviewed for the book, she is a millennial. Her mother was a single mom because her father had passed away when she was younger, and her mother struggled terribly with their finances. It got to the point where our home had been in foreclosure for ... I mean, we're talking a very long time. Her daughter knew that her mother was struggling, and she was struggling to get through to her mother. And there are a couple of ways that she had success. One is by sharing her own experiences with her mom. "Hey, mom, I've been doing these things to save money. This is what's worked for me." Basically, just giving her tips based on your own experience.
Cameron H.: So that helped getting a third party involved. She had an aunt, her mother's sister, who did very well financially. And so, basically, the aunt recommended taking this financial course that she had taken, and she got her mom to agree to do it. They did it together. They went through it together. They got tips. That led to her mother opening up to her and sharing some of the mistakes she had made. Now, her mother is still reluctant to be very open about her finances, but she has made progress, and she is making progress.
Cameron H.: The important thing to really take away from this, though, is that this woman, this young woman, realizes that, yes, her mother has made mistakes and she will need some help as she gets older. But she still must be her priority. Her financial wellbeing still must take priority over her mother. So, she is trying to set aside some money, but she's not offering now to step in and help her mom out financially. And this is so important for women to remember. If you are divorced and now you oversee supporting your children, supporting yourself, you still are your priority. As much as your parents might need your help, you must focus on yourself first especially if you have kids who are relying on you. Keep that in mind.
Cameron H.: And so, it's difficult as these conversations might seem to be, they can happen. It can take time. But like I said, in the end, you are your priority. Take care of yourself. Gosh, the quote. That's a tougher one. You know, this is not a quote that I've heard anyone say. It's just something that's become kind of my own personal mantra recently. It's “little by little”. And I've been trying to tell myself this because so often you hear like, "Go big or go home."
Cameron H.: Yes, sometimes that works. But really I feel like at this stage of my life as someone who's part of the sandwich generation, dealing with my mother, dealing with teenagers, you just have to take things little by little, and you have to enjoy those successful moments, and those good moments when they come. And you realize when you're hit with those bad moments that they too will pass. Really.
Cameron H.: And so, I must tell myself that every single day. "Okay, I'm going to make a little progress today. I certainly didn't get everything done that I wanted to get done, but there's still tomorrow, and I'm going to make a little more progress tomorrow." And so that's the way these conversations are too. You just kind of must do them little by little sometimes.
Rhonda: Yeah, absolutely. I love it. It's a good reminder, right?
Cameron H.: Yes.
Rhonda: And encouragement to keep going.
Cameron H.: Yes, keep going. Keep going.
Rhonda: Keep going. Well, I want to thank you so much for spending time with us today. Share with our audience where they can find your book.
Cameron H.: So, the book, again, is Mom and Dad, We Need to Talk: How to Have Essential Conversations with Your Parents About Their Finances. It comes out June 25th, but you can preorder it on amazon.com. You can also go to my website, which is cameronhuddleston.com, and there are some links there on the site to order the book.
Rhonda: Okay. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for your time today. This has been delightful. I know that the women that are listening walked away with some practical things that they can do, and I want to thank you for spending time with us today.
Cameron H.: Thank you for having me.
RESOURCES:
Mom and Date, We Need to Talk: How to Have Essential Conversations with Your Parents About Their Finances book
Cameron Huddleston
Author | Awared-Winning Personal Finance Journalist and Life & Money Columnist for
GOBankingRates
Cameron Huddleston
cameron@cameronhuddleston.com
(414) 427-4141
LinkedIn | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
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Melissa Davis, an affair survivor, joins us today to talk about healing after an affair. It is never an easy conversation and a lot of women are facing this subject. Being able to heal through the affair is so crucial for women. Carrying unhealed wounds is trauma – a big thing in your life that you have to deal with, or it will keep coming back up. Your body and mind must deal with it so breathing through it helps it. If you do not make the choice to heal, then you are just going to carry around this heavy weight that you do not want to have with you. It comes down to choices. A strong, fierce woman who can handle everything or hold on to it and become bitter and resentful. In order to move forward with other relationships, we need to go through the healing process. It’s not easy – it is painful, yes, but necessary. Allow yourself as many ugly cries as you must in order to heal and move forward.
When we choose to be mindful and pay attention to our thoughts, that really starts to help us realize the truths. Melissa shares that her husband was having many affairs and with people that she knew, and thought loved her. We must remember that both women and men that have partners that are unfaithful to them go through the grief process – the same timeline of misery. Women never go through things in vain. There is always a deeper purpose and a deeper meaning. You must breathe through the pain. Your life is not over even though it is overwhelming – you still have a lot to offer.
Our belief is that whether you choose to stay or go you want to make that choice from a healthy place in your heart and mind. You must start addressing some of that healing to really know what you need.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Why healing from an affair is crucial
- What makes After the Affair different
- A helpful tip to use when you keep having flashbacks or obsessive thoughts
- Having the right resources and tools to help you through the emotional and financial stuff
- What your core team is so you can move forward and make good decisions
“Grieving, it’s like exhaling after holding your breath for far too long.”
RESOURCES:
Julia Kristina on YouTube
Melissa Davis
Affair Survivor
After The Affair
(828) 773-7735
contact@aftertheaffair.co
Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | Pinterest
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
Beth Ruthmansdorfer, Attorney with Moertl, Wilkins & Campbell, S.C., joins us to discuss the various ways that setting up authority in your Financial Power of Attorney (POA) is beneficial to you including your business, pets, children, and other assets that you have especially while going through and post-divorce. Assigning authority within your Financial POA is important because it gives you control over where your assets go in the case that something happens to you. The 5 items that every newly divorced woman needs in her POA are:
- Beneficiary designations – this is important because if an accident happens and the estate plan is not done yet you need to have your agent have the authority to be able to add the beneficiary on those assets to make sure the plan works (i.e., life insurance and retirement accounts). There is still a lot of clean-up to do post-divorce. You want to make sure your ex-spouse is not listed as a beneficiary on your accounts and assets.
- Creating and Funding Trusts – making sure the adequate paperwork is done to complete the process. This is important because you might not have gotten started, but your agent can finish the process if the agent is specified in the POA.
- HIPAA – if we are not physically able to pay our bills then we want our Financial POA to have the authority to pay our medical bills and get a second opinion or can look at the medical pieces in order to do a proper analysis.
- Business – if an individual opens a business and something happens to them physically where they are not able to manage it or they cannot pay the bills, somebody needs to have the authority to manage those business assets.
- Pets – having the authority in the POA to have someone care, manage, and pay for your pet is important because there are a lot of veterinarians that will not release any information about the animal to anyone that is not the owner of the animal.
The more authorities that you lay out in your Financial Power of Attorney, the less likely you are having to go to a court of law to ask for permission.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Financial Power of Attorney
- Beneficiary designations
- Naming minor children as beneficiaries
- Estate Planning: Importance of having a Trust in place
- Creating and funding Trusts
- Post-divorce storm clean-up
- HIPAA
RESOURCES:
Legal Empowerment for Women Through Estate Planning
Post-Divorce Storm Clean-Up with Rhonda Noordyk
Elizabeth Ruthmansdorfer
Attorney
Moertl, Wilkins & Campbell, S.C.
(414) 376-4366
eruthmansdorfer@lawmwc.com
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
Women, in general, are natural givers especially when they are empowered and confident. During divorce, especially during the midst of divorce, confidence can be impacted by what you wear, your financial situation and even the people that you surround yourself with. There are things that you can do that will boost your confidence and help you to move forward.
Heather Schaefer, Personal Stylist and Chief Team Builder, is passionate about helping people to be difference makers. Her mission is to empower women to be confident in their own skin and become difference makers in their home, their workplace, and their community. In this episode, she explains that the common thread amongst women is that we like to look good. Not for other people but for ourselves. When we put on our super suit, that first layer of clothing, it helps us work better, be kinder, our attitude shifts, and our posture changes. Dress with confidence, it helps you feel like you can take on the day!
When it comes to financial confidence, think outside the box. There are more people today that are generating more than one income. Having that extra income allows you the freedom and flexibility to do the things you want to do when you want to do them. The market right now is great for thinking outside the box like working from home or job sharing. When it comes to running your own business be sure to narrow your niche with what you are offering and know the solutions you can solve for other people.
Our community can be so greatly impacted when women can have more flexible income and freedom in how much they give. When we are going through a life change or a struggle, there is so much that can happen when we step outside of ourselves and think of another person first. When we do that, it will build up your confidence as well as the person that you are serving, that you are walking alongside. Surround yourself with people that want to pour into you, that are the most positive, supportive people that you can find. When you come out of your struggle, you will be stronger and more confident.
In the words of Sandra Yancy, Founder of eWomen Network – “Every master begins as a disaster.”
In this episode, we discuss:
- Confidence in your own skin
- Confidence in your household income
- Confidence in your community
RESOURCES:
Heather Schaefer
Personal Stylist, Director for Ruby Ribbon, and Chief Team Builder for Become Difference Makers
Heather Schaefer HQ – Become Difference Makers
(262) 853-7299
heather@heatherschaeferhq.com
Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | Instagram | YouTube
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
Car buying can be very stressful especially while going through divorce but with the right techniques, it can be easier. Tina McKandes, Director of Internet Operations at Boucher Automotive Group, has been in the industry for 25 years. Helping women find their perfect vehicle fit resonates with Tina having been through the divorce process herself. She knows the importance of educating yourself enough in order to make informed decisions. In this podcast, she expresses the importance of doing your research, knowing what features are important to you, and having confidence and flexibility in expressing your needs and timeline.
“Be armed with information, regardless of what it is.” – Tina McKandes
98% of people do online research prior to coming into a dealership. The customer journey starts and stops at various different areas depending on what your situation is. The approach that Tina takes is providing the guest with all of the information. They first evaluate your needs. It’s important to be willing to be a little bit open and vulnerable so that the dealership can give you the best options for you and your situation. Yes, there are still some experiences that are not so great at other dealerships; however, you will find that there are some that will train on “customer first”. At Boucher, they create a new experience for women who are considering purchasing a new vehicle, taking on the current vehicle, and evaluating leases.
Pick a dealership that you feel comfortable at. The dealership should be looking at filling your needs with the best vehicle available based upon the information that you already collected from your personal end…budget, 3 most important things you need on the car…then the dealership gives you the selections that they feel fit the best based on those needs. Have confidence in trying to fill your needs but also have some flexibility in options that may be outside of the box for you. Allow yourself the time and don’t feel rushed. The dealership should be paying attention to YOUR needs, working at YOUR pace, and you should be working with someone you like and that will go the extra mile for you.
So, what can women do to prepare before they even go to the dealership? First, figure out where you are starting at, everyone will start at a different point. Second, begin to use your online resources and start to talk to your local lenders. Third, figure out your budget (Not sure where to start, check out our 10 Simple Steps to Creating Your Beautiful Budget online course ($47)).
In this episode, we discuss:
- Tips, ideas, and thoughts that you can take to your dealership
- Trends of negotiation and where car buying is now
- What you can do to prepare
- Lending
- Divorce and your credit score
- Establishing car credit history
- Role of the dealership
RESOURCES:
10 Simple Steps to Creating Your Beautiful Budget online course
Tina McKandes
Director of Internet Operations
Boucher Automotive Group
(414) 427-4141
tina.mckandes@boucher.com
LinkedIn | Facebook | Twitter | YouTube
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
What is your cash flow going to look like post-divorce? This is a common question that most women going through divorce have. Whether you are going back into the workforce or if you need/want to make changes in your career, Kathryn Sollman of 9 Lives for Women discusses the 6 different types of flexwork that can better blend your professional and family life. You have many options to work. You can define what success is. You have a voice in what you want to be doing in your next chapter.
The six different types of flexwork are:
- Professional full-time – today these can be flexible in terms of where you work and what your schedule is
- Flexible part-time – you can also work in a more mid-to-senior level in a professional way
- Telecommuting – working from home or even a co-working space
- Job Shares – less frequent than other options but are still growing, you share a job with someone who has complementary skills and together you share the responsibility of one full-time employee
- Freelance – independent work, on your schedule, you get to choose what you want to do
- Independent Consultant – usually set up an LLC, this occurs typically when you want to have a specialty (i.e., marketing), a business built on your own terms
It is important to realize that you need to give yourself a break and not feel that you must aim for the C-Suite and become this ultra-career person. You get to define how you want to work, what success means to you, what your ambition is. This should all be in the context of your long-term financial security. There are many ways to get to long-term financial security and they do not all involve being the head of the department.
So how and where do you find flexwork opportunities whether you are currently working or heading back into the workforce? Well…it is all about being able to ask. 80% of companies now have some sort of flexibility even if you cannot see it. If you are returning to work, the important thing is to know what you want. It is important to ask during the interview about the opportunity to have some flexibility in the job. It creates a dialog and lets the future employer know that you are interested in flexwork. If you are already working a job and now want it to be flexible, you need to do your ask in a more professional pitch method. You need to really lay out how it will benefit the company. Kathryn outlines how to put together a professional pitch in her book as well as providing coaching services to help you through this.
In this episode, we discuss:
- The six different kinds of flexwork
- How to ask for flexibility in a current job or find it elsewhere
- The fact that today there is no hard stop to work at age 65
- Women who return to work in their 40s or 50s still have a long runway for work – and the ability to build financial security
“A Man is Not a Financial Plan” – tagline for WIFE.org
RESOURCES:
Ambition Redefined: Why the Corner Office Doesn’t Work for Every Woman & What to Do Instead
Kathryn Sollmann
Career Coach, Speaker and Author
9 Lives for Women, LLC
(203) 423-9251
Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram | Twitter
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
You all know that inner voice that tells you that you are not good enough in one way or another. That voice that is inside your head that is constantly beating you up that makes you feel guilty, less than, and underperforming all the time. It is like having a really bad roommate. In this episode, Dr. Diane Garrison, a licensed psychologist and a women’s empowerment coach, discusses how we first need to recognize that we internally talk to ourselves in a mean girl manner, then finding the understanding that you are not flawed. This type of thinking is something that was programmed into you when you were a kid. Society has led women to believe that they need to work harder and longer in order to prove that they have even half the value of men. Women have been taught that feelings are weaknesses and therefore are taught to be cast aside in order to get things done.
Giving yourself compassion when you are hurting is a skill that can be learned. “It is a part of me but it doesn’t have to run me.” The center of this is really learning how to take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. Self-neglect is happening a lot even when you know you are doing it to yourself. Pay attention to what is going on inside of you instead of pushing past it when you are hurting, sad, tense – turn towards those negative feelings with gentleness – the same kind of gentleness you would give to someone else that is hurting.
Having a support team of objective, heart-centered people is important. Recognize that you do not have to go through these challenges alone. Therapy is an incredibly safe container where you can let it all hang out. You can be real. When you can talk freely about the things that are weighing heavily on you, you can gain clarity and confidence. Coaching takes you past the place of functional to self-actualization and self-awareness.
Diane is offering a free 30-minute “Get Clear” consultation when you mention this podcast to really identify what you desire to change in your life and what is stopping you.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Why are we, as women, so hard on ourselves (why do we have such a healthy “inner mean girl”)
- How we can soften the inner critic and make friends with that “inner mean girl”
- How we can build self-compassion and self-acceptance
- How to calm your “inner mean girl”
- Facing your limiting beliefs so you can transform them
- I’m suffering and it’s okay. I’m human.
- The importance of surrounding yourself with objective people
- Acknowledging your self-worth
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha
“You cannot become your best-self by yourself”
Resources Mentioned:
Guided Self-Meditation
Dr. Diane Garrison
Licensed Psychologist, Certified Feminine Power Coach & Facilitator
Lake Country Wellness and Counseling
dgarrisonphd@gmail.com
(262) 547-9673
Facebook | LinkedIn | Instagram
Private Facebook Community
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts. Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
In this episode, Pam reminds you to live your life on purpose and to not be driven by the circumstance in your life but remember that those circumstances are your hinge points in order to get to your purpose. It is part of your journey. If you know what your purpose is, it is easier to get through the circumstances. You need to take the emotion out of decision making and part of that is allowing yourself to let go of the physical things that may hold sentimental value. Things that you just place on a shelf but are not going to use. Pam tells us a great way to hold on to these emotional keepsakes without carrying the baggage with you. When going through a major life change, we tend to hold onto the guilt that is associated with it, remember that it is a fresh start. Move forward and let go of the rest.
When we are going through changes in our lives, part of the process is knowing who we actually are. Who we are and how we show up today is going to affect the person that we will ultimately be in the future. Take action that works best for you that will bring you confidence. Faith of knowing your next step is going to be determined by how you are today. All of your actions have consequences good or bad. If you are conscious about knowing who you are so you can show up as the best version of yourself, will help you through separation, divorce, and beyond. Part of the process of being your best self is allowing yourself to grieve, even if you are the one who initiated the divorce process.
You need to allow yourself to grieve and be in that moment and know you don’t have to make a decision right then about the goal for the rest of your life. Acknowledge the parts in those grieving moments that are going to allow you to move forward. Keep your ears and eyes open around you and do not form the story before you know what the actual information is. We get attached to drama around things and getting caught up in the drama keeps the drama going. Pam Drzewiecki is the Owner and Founder of Powerful Purpose and Powerful Purpose Planning Systems - taking the craziness out of everything. Resources, tools, and coaching videos to stay present and focused in a multi-tasking world. Pam is also a Business & Life Coach that helps women be more, do more and make more with confidence and no-guilt. It is possible.
Text nugget to 66866 and you will be put on my Nugget of the Day – Daily Mindset Inspirations sent directly to your email
In this episode, we discuss:
- Living your life on purpose is filled with circumstances but the circumstances are what hinges you closer to your true purpose
- Faith and self-discovery allow you to live your best life
- Do not be blind on how your life is now . . . either be in gratitude or make a change. That goes for your personal life, business life, or career life.
- Buying yourself small gifts is a reminder of the positive path you are on
- A great way to part with items of sentimental value
- The importance of grieving through the process regardless of who started the process
- Releasing the drama and surrounding yourself with people and things that fuel you
“She is clothed in strength & dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” – Proverbs 31:35 or is it 31:25
Resources:
Pam Drzewiecki
Owner | Founder | Business & Life Coach
Powerful Purpose | Powerful Purpose Planning Systems
pam@powerful-purpose.com
(203) 592-7230
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn | YouTube
Other Resources Mentioned: #NUGGET: 28 Days to Self-Discovery by Pam Drzewiecki
Leaving a positive podcast review is hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review on your preferred listening platform, we’d love to hear from you!
Keywords:
divorce, conversations, women, financial, wellness, marriage, finances, selfdiscovery, purpose, faith, gratitude, grieve, sentimentalvalue, sentimental
“I was suffering in my marriage and I believe my partner was too. However, when I would talk about leaving, it was so scary to imagine what life would look like in the future.” Have you had a partner that would make you feel like you would not be able to financially support yourself and/or your kids if you left them? “I never imagined when I got married that it would end in divorce.” You just don’t know what your future will look like and having the facts helps you make decisions for your future. Finding happiness in the core of who you are, allowing yourself to grieve through the process, and allowing yourself to find joy and a healthy mindset will pave the way to building your confidence. Women are good at making decisions if they have all the facts. Sometimes we feel it must be so terrible that we have no other option before we leave, but that is not always the case. We have choices.
In this episode, Julie talks about her journey of making the tough decisions in order to take back control in her life. By surrounding herself with objective experts that helped guide her through the process of leaving, Julie was able to make the tough decisions that ultimately led her to realize the greatest gift in all of it – feeling empowered, becoming a homeowner on her own, and creating new and amazing memories with her daughters in her own space.
A lot of times people are afraid to engage more than just their attorney in this process. However, it is valuable to have a different perspective, different areas of expertise that can come alongside you to help you through this process. At the end of the day, it is about what the money means versus what is in your bank account. Having the facts about your finances can make a huge difference and step-by-step, building up your confidence. You must be able to trust your gut. Interview your experts to find the ones that will listen to you and help you navigate through this time in your life. You deserve that. You do not have to go through this alone.
Julie Hoelle is a working mother, yogi and community volunteer. She has a walk-the-walk, talk-the-talk perspective on making the decision to divorce and allowing yourself the space to believe in yourself, to be happy, and to be financially confident.
In this episode, we discuss:
- How to manage through the fear of leaving your marriage from a financial standpoint
- How life will look post-divorce
- Self-care and how to navigate and preserve what is important starts with making time for what is important to you
- How seeking the RIGHT experts can help you through the tough decisions
- The importance of understanding your own financial security
- Knowing when to call it quits and finding the confidence to move forward
- Closing out the noise
- The importance of maintaining your support system
- Being open to trusting that it will be okay. You do not need to go through this alone.
"If when we get into a difficult situation, our will or courage lessens, and we fall into the laziness of feeling inferior. Thinking that we could not possibly accomplish such a difficult task, this diminishment of will cannot protect us from any suffering. It is important to generate courage corresponding to the size of the difficulties." - Dalai Lama
We, as women, can do so much more than we give ourselves credit for. When we really need to dig down to fight for something that we truly believe in, we can do it.
Resources:
Top 3 Pitfalls to Avoid During Divorce eBook
10 Questions to Ask When Interviewing an Attorney
Julie Hoelle - Working Mother, Yogi, and Community Volunteer
Visit the Women’s Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with the Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult.
As an adult woman, we are kind and clueless. Clueless in understanding the boys and men in general. Often we wonder why they bottle up their emotions and avoid eye contact. But when we try to understand how males prefer to communicate, that allows us to adjust our expectations.
Boy expert Janet Allison is a former teacher and a mother of girls. She founded Boys Alive, an organization that advocates for boys. Teaching parents how males and females learn, interact, and interpret the world differently.
She wrote Boys Alive! Bring Out Their Best and has collaborated with many international experts to create virtual educational summits, interviewing experts and sharing wisdom with thousands of parents and teachers.
In this episode, you’ll learn more about men and boys. Why they act the way that they do and what can you do about it.
Anger is a big topic of concern for parents of boys. Opt-in to claim a free audio report on Boys & Anger and how you can help him manage this big emotion! Claim here
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Knowing how and when to talk to your son (especially about emotional topics)
- Connecting with your son in a boy-friendly way
- Understanding why he needs to move his body
- What to do about screens (e.g. gadgets)
- Giving your man a hint and applying the concept of bullet points
- Staying in reality and not taking things personally
- Being a good listener
“You are not raising a little boy, you are raising a man and the world needs you to do that well.”
I can do hard things!
Resources Mentioned:
Boys Alive
On Boys Podcast
Janet Allison
Author | Educator | Family
Email her: janet@boysalive.com
Social Media: Facebook Facebook Private Group Instagram Twitter LinkedIn
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
So you finally realized that he left you. Now what? What's your game plan? How do you begin when there are so many obstacles to overcome?
Jenna Whitehead is an everyday woman. She’s a Realtor in the area of Dallas, who unexpectedly was hit with a divorce. Her husband has become a person she doesn’t recognize anymore.
Her experience led her to write a book entitled “He Actually Left Now What?” designed to heal women from the pain of divorce. A book that helps you move on from your horrendous past with him. Listen on as she shares helpful advice to help you move past your divorce slump.
Just because he left, doesn’t mean it’s over.
For listeners who would like to receive a free copy of this ebook, please email jenna@jennawhitehead.com, using the subject line "Wellness Center Podcast"
In This Episode We Discuss:
- The knowledge that women aren't alone
- How social media groups played an important role in her healing journey
- Practical ways of healing through journaling
- Getting into the space of acceptance
- Putting up a game plan on what your next move
- The therapeutic effects of journaling
- Using your suffering for the good of others
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. — Jeremiah 29:11
Disaster is temporary. The hope and the future is what God has promised you.
Resources Mentioned:
Jenna Whitehead
Author | Realtor
jenna@jennawhitehead.com
Social media: Twitter Facebook
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
What does it take to truly succeed in life? How do you stand back up when you're experiencing something traumatic?
Jennifer Leigh is a self-made entrepreneur, a mother of twins and an intuitive. She has a background in crisis management, serving as a consultant to companies, organizations, and people who’re going through a crisis.
In this episode, Jennifer shares her story, from being on top of her game when she started her company to hitting rock bottom when she was going through a divorce.
Amidst all the challenging things she has experienced, she learned to be more resilient, more resourceful. She learned to have more faith and belief that she will come out stronger after the storms of her life.
In This Episode, We Discuss:
- Being resilient during tough times
- Resourcefulness and thinking outside the box
- Reshaping your life using your mind
- Women judging other women
- Compartmentalizing your feelings
- Love Languages
- Speaking words of affirmation to yourself as a form of self-care
- Recognizing the power of vulnerability
- Being kind and not judging others because you never know what battles someone id currently fighting with.
Only you have the power to change your life.
Your mind is the most priceless tool you’ll ever have to achieve the life you desire.
Resources Mentioned:
Jennifer Leigh
Consultant, Entrepreneur
Graceful & Gumption
Social Media: Instagram LinkedIn Facebook
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Divorce is an emotional roller coaster ride. If you’re in the early stages, you’re probably thinking about what to expect - How do you go from feeling small to feeling big and confident in a good way?
Julie Rothamer Cruz, a woman who's currently going through the divorce process is here to share her story and help you create your puzzle piece and play it big again!
She's a Health and Energy coach, and a Certifies Integrative Nutrition Health Coach who helps women and individuals with health transformations.
As she rides the roller coaster of divorce for a second time, she wanted to help more women feel empowered as they go through and after their divorce.
Visit https://www.schedulicity.com/scheduling/JHLQCR to schedule a free, 30-minute Empowered Woman consultation with Julie and get started in celebrating you as you create a new life vision for yourself.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Divorce as a roller coaster ride
- The grief and support of the divorce process
- It's okay to say "I'm not fine"
- Creating your new life puzzle
- Gratitude as part of self-care
It's safe for me to play big.
Let's celebrate the women that we are no matter where we are at in this moment.
Resources Mentioned:
Julie Rothamer Cruz | +1 608-556-6758
Health Coach and Consultant
Doterra Website
Social Media: Facebook LinkedIn Twitter
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Keywords:
divorce, conversations, women, financial, wellness, marriage, finances, puzzle, pieces, rollercoaster, gratitude, health, coaching
Divorce is painful but it doesn’t have to be a disaster. Societal standards hinder us from having a good divorce. People shy away from this notion because they think it’s uncommon. Having divorce doesn’t mean you’re happy to have it. It also doesn’t mean you’ve failed or you did something wrong, but what does a good divorce really mean?
Dianne Mader is an attorney who has practiced divorce law in Wisconsin for more than 30 years. She has also mediated divorce cases for 25 years. Through the years of working with divorce clients, she’s gained deep compassion for women going through a divorce.
Her commitment to making divorce a transformative experience for women led her to train as a certified life coach. Ever since then, she has used that opportunity to coach women before, during, and after their divorce.
Dare to have a good divorce as you listen to today’s episode!
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Divorce as a future-focused planning process
- What a good divorce means
- The practice of affirmations
- Forgiveness. It’s not something that you give to the person who has wronged you, but it’s something that you do and give to yourself.
- Having compassion for yourself
- How to focus on the future planning process
- You don’t divorce your children
- Co-parenting after a divorce
- The best way to get through a divorce
“The best predictor of a good outcome for children whose parents are divorced is low conflict between their parents”
Resources Mentioned:
Should I Stay Or Should I Go? A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can - and Should - be Saved by J. A. C. Patrissi and Lundy Bancroft
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum
Attorney Diane L Mader
Email: diane@maderlaw.com
Website: https://www.maderlaw.com/
Social Media: Facebook Twitter LinkedIn
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
In the process of divorce, the most important part is the very beginning. If you’re planning to leave your spouse because it’s unfair, suffocating and toxic to stay in a relationship with him, then it’s time to plot out your exit strategy.
Today, we have Kristie Dye who was married for 15 years until she got divorced. She’ll be sharing helpful tips and strategies to make sure you are prepared before you leave your partner.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Kristie Dye’s story with her narcissistic ex-husband
- How Kristie handled being in an abusive relationship
- Tips and strategies before you go through a divorce
- Strategic exit plan ideas
- Helping women understand their strength when children are involved
- Managing narcissistic behavior
- Abuse is far more than somebody hitting you
- Why Kristie choose to have divorce
- Being kind to yourself
- Don’t be afraid to ask for support
- Knowledge is power
"Good parents give their children roots and wings"
The best thing that you can do as a mother for your children is showing them how they should be treated and how they are to treat others.
Resources Mentioned:
Necessary Endings by Henry Cloud
Kristie Dye
Email: kristiedye@yahoo.com
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. — Eckhart Tolle
Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt powerless, you lose yourself in the process? Don’t do this, don’t do that. Rules keep adding up one after another.
You’re not happy anymore. You want to break free and be you again. But how do you do that when you have children, bills, rents, and life, in general, to think about?
In this episode, Liberty, a multipotentialite creative, maker, and an artist, shares her story on how she got out of a relationship where she didn’t feel safe to make her own decisions without repercussions. Now, she’s happier and more connected with herself as she makes art that gives people hope and inspiration.
Fill yourself with the hope that better days will always come as you listen to her story in today’s episode!
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Liberty’s married life story with her strict husband
- Women’s tolerance for pain
- How your identity is not tied to a person, object or even your career
- The camaraderie of women who’ve gone through tough times
- Setting your intentions through vision boards
- Liberty’s community of women
- Gigs, real estate, and art
- Being present and not losing yourself
“Be easy. Take your time, you're coming home to yourself.” ~Nayyirah Waheed
Resources Mentioned:
Nextdoor - free private social network for your neighborhood community
Marie Kondo
A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purpose
Liberty Wilson
Artist, Creator & Multipotentialite
Website: https://www.libertyshea.com/
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
There is so much trepidation for a woman going through divorce alone. Half of the battle is getting the right people in the right place at the right time. It's hard to trust anyone (even your attorney) - and it gets tough when you don’t have the support of the ones you consider close to you.
Nancy Towle is a licensed health insurance agent with HealthMarkets insurance agency. She helps individuals and families find the best plan for their budget, providing objective guidance and solutions.
In this episode, Nancy shares her story about how she didn’t have anyone to run to during the days of her divorce. She was a victim, trapped in a relationship where she was made to feel useless. But despite all of the hardship, Nancy managed to get through it. She’s a great example of what it’s like to be on the other side.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Getting the right people to help you navigate through the divorce process
- The importance of having someone to support you in your battles
- Opportunities can arise even in uncertain times
- Nancy’s journey from hopelessness to restoration
- Having faith that everything’s going to be alright
“You gotta take a chance. Do what you love and the money will come” ~Nancy Towle
Resources Mentioned:
Nancy Towle
Licensed Health Insurance Agent
HealthMarkets Agent info
(414) 687-1687 | West Allis, WI 53227
Social Media: Facebook
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Science shows us that heartbreak and mourning have neurobiological evidence of stress similar to someone who's been tortured as a prisoner of war. In most studies, women have the highest rates of depression. To cope with pain, women adjust.
But how do you heal through all the hurt that you've experienced?
Monica Rodriguez is a licensed Mental Health Therapist and also the owner and founder of On Purpose Psyche. She is very passionate about helping people, fostering them to grow in their mental health.
In this episode, Monica shares the importance of a story - the idea of telling ourselves stories to help us navigate our way through life. We like to project and personify unto other people. But know that you are writing your own story. How you re-write it in order to be happy and live your purpose is up to you.
Monica is offering a FREE initial consult for listeners of Divorced Women Conversations Podcast.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Helpful advice and tips for women who are going through a divorce
- The importance of a story
- The things that women can do to be more aware of the flaws that they tell to themselves
- Personifying your depression
- The awareness of being aware
- Myths and Archetypes
- Embracing the story and Rewriting it your way
- How can you rewrite your own story
- When consciousness comes, it’s always painful
“There is no birth of consciousness without pain” ~Carl Jung
Until you are fully conscious of something in your life, why you are doing something, why a typical pattern keeps happening for you, transformation can't take place!
Resources Mentioned:
Carl Jung - Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology
The Tale of Bluebeard
The Story of Persophone
Monica Rodriguez
Mental Health Therapist | Founder of On Purpose Psyche
+1 262-490-3894 | LinkedIn
On Purpose Psyche
405 E Forest St, Oconomowoc, Wisconsin 53066, US
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Shopping for a home is a huge and tough thing to do, especially when you’re a single mom or someone who’s going through divorce. You’re considering to buy a home but everything should still be within your budget range, arming yourself with knowledge over financial things and having someone to simplify things for you is the best thing you do.
Penny Charlson is a Mortgage Loan Expert and a Branch Manager. She has 12 years of experience as a real estate agent and have been in the mortgage business for more than 20 years. She’s experienced with many different loan programs including refinancing, purchasing, and other transactions with unique circumstances and special challenges.
In this episode, Penny shares her knowledge about everything you need to know in the mortgage industry. She helps her clients by doing all the maths and educating them carefully to have a good understanding of the process, allowing them to make the best decisions.
Special offer: Penny is offering $500 off of closing costs.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- How interest rates and closing cost are interrelated
- Being creative in finding options
- What constitutes “a total debt”
- Doing the maths to have better options that’ll best suit your needs and situation
- Credit reports and using Credit Karma
- Having patience and taking the time to educate yourself
- The importance of face-to-face meeting
- Pre-approval process and how it all works
- Knowledge + Experience = Confidence to make good decisions
“There’s a solution to every problem”
Resources Mentioned:
Credit Karma
Penny Charlson
Mortgage Loan Expert | Branch Manager
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Resilience is defined as the ability to bounce back after adversity. It’s like the pinnacle of mental health. Being able to endure and be resilient at the same time is a tough thing to do. The wonderful thing is, resilience can be taught.
Jennifer Van Rossum is a licensed Psycho Therapist in private practice at Cornerstone Counseling. She provides therapy to both teens and adults. Offering resilience and mental strength training.
In this episode, Jennifer talks about what it means to be really resilient. Her goal is to provide creative outlets to deepen personal awareness and growth that leads to a flourishing life.
In This Episode, We Discuss:
- What it means to be resilient
- Inner strengths of compassion and mindfulness
- Having self-compassion and compassion
- Practical things people can do to develop that self-compassion skill?
- Loving kindness and meditation
- Boundaries
- When we build self-compassion, we're recognizing our own self-worth
- Resilience training plus mental strength lifehacks and Strategies
- Life is hard but we can do hard!
“You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf” —Jon Kabat-Zinn
Our problems are often times opportunities
Resources Mentioned:
Jennifer Van Rossum
Cornerstone Counseling
741 N. Grand Ave. Ste. 302 Waukesha, WI 53186|262-789-1191
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
When you’re in the midst of the divorce process, you’re probably considering to sell your home. And if you want to sell it quick, you got to let home staging come in.
Susan Dakins is a Sales Specialist who’s also an Accredited Buyer Agents, a Residential Specialist, as well as Senior Real Estate Specialists. From analyzing the market data on how much your home is worth to preparing your home for staging, she helps spouses and individuals who are planning to sell their home.
Not everything is going to be easy or simple. Stress is surely to come, but don’t lose hope and stay optimistic! There will always be a way. For the women going through divorce, you’ve got a lot on your plate and you want people on your side who’re experts in what they do and knows when to push and when to step back.
Susan Dakins is offering a 1 hour consultation in preparing and staging your home for sale, timing the market and what to expect every step of the way.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- How to get your home ‘showroom’ ready
- What are the repairs needed to be made for optimal return on investment (ROI)
- Knowing what’s the high-end, low-end, and what to expect before you start investing
- Timing the market
- How Susan and her team deals with an uncooperative spouse or partner
- Additional costs to staging your home
- Realtors are like therapist, they talk people off the ledge and put the facts back in the table
Success isn't about the money you make, it's about the difference you make in people's lives.” —Michelle Obama
Resources Mentioned:
Tidying Up (Netflix Show)
Susan Dakins
Sales Specialist, Senior Real Estate Specialist
susandakins@gmail.com|(262) 894-0623
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Buying or selling a home is not an easy transaction but it could get smoother if you have someone to it for you. And having this resource could save you a lot of time, money, and energy.
In this episode, Alyona shares how being a realtor allowed her to be in complete control of everything. Helping her achieve financial freedom, self-esteem, and good financial acumen.
Alyona Caravella is a realtor at RE/MAX and has been in the real estate industry since 2009. Helping families and individuals buy or sell a home. She’s also an accredited buyer’s agent and an expert in real estate negotiation. She helps anybody from start to finish - from planning to getting the resources ahead of time so her clients can enjoy ease and take charge of their cash flow and finances.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Alyona’s story on becoming a realtor
- Her experience being a landlord
- Tips for women who are planning to dive into the real estate industry
- Who you hire can make or break a business
- What is a Potential Rental Area?
- The pros and cons of becoming a landlord
- What you can control as a landlord
- Why buying an investment property is better than renting
- Education & Planning is the key to successful rental income and investment
- Stay ahead, plan ahead - Alyona Caravella
For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction (Newton's Law)
When it comes to rentals and investment properties, there's as many plusses as there's minuses.
Resources Mentioned:
Research rental pricing and trends in your area on https://www.craigslist.org/ or https://www.rentometer.com
Access all state approval legal docs on https://wilegalblank.com
Neighborhood Services in Milwaukee County https://city.milwaukee.gov
Report cards for different types of schools or districts:
https://dpi.wi.gov/families-students/data/report-cards
RE/MAX
Alyona Caravella, ABR, CHBA, CHBS, RENE
Real Estate Agent
Re/Max
alyona@soldwisconsin.com
414.520.7780
Connect with her on LinkedIn Instagram Facebook
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
A lot of women struggle with juggling and balancing together their work and family especially when they’re going through a divorce. In order to cope with such situation, it’s really important to educate yourself on the rules, laws and guidelines in order to better navigate through an intimidating and complex process such as divorce.
Lindsay Lloyd is an HR Consultant Veteran with 15 years of experience on her hands. She’s the owner of Leave Solutions, a company that provides FMLA services for companies when it comes to their employee leave admin without compromising the employee's experience.
She’s very passionate about empowering women that are in the workplace. Providing them great tools to help them handle some of their work leave concerns. She does not only help companies but she also offers help and advice to people who have individual questions when it comes to FMLA.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- What is FMLA and hoe does it relate to Divorce?
- Requirements and qualification for an FMLA Leave
- The benefits of EAP (Employee Assistance Program)
- Health Insurance and Medical Benefits
- The QDRO Process and splitting of accounts
- Lindsay’s insights on a woman who’s on her husband’s health insurance
- Taking a loan doesn't hide the money, it's still on record and it's still gonna be a part of those total assets.
- Asking your HR about certain stuff as you start to go through the divorce process
Having a good relationship with the HR department can be really helpful whether it's your employer or your spouse's employer.
Resources Mentioned:
COBRA Insurance
Lindsay Lloyd PHR, CEBS
HR Consultant | FMLA Consultant & Trainer
Email: Lindsay@leavesolutions.com | LinkedIn
Leave Solutions LinkedIn
Leave Solutions
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Today’s episode is a BONUS! Christmas is a few days away. It’s a great time where you get to reconnect with friends and love ones. But it can also cause you stress at the same time which shouldn’t be.
Susan Pokorny is a wellness trainer with a focus on mind-body health. She’s the owner of Pure Home and Body, and the best-selling author of the book Two Inches of Wool. She’s also a certified yoga instructor since 2001 and is very passionate about trauma-sensitive yoga.
In this episode, Susan is going to share some heart-centered meditation that is very helpful in dialing down your stress hormones that arises when you are under high-intensity stress. Give your mind and body a break today. Feel better and meditate. Share it with the people around you too, and you’ll feel better wherever you go.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Heart Meditation
- Breath patterns and Inhaling light, love, life, and joy
- How your body responds to stressors
- Focusing on positive thoughts that feeds happiness to your soul
- You have a choice with how your body is going to respond to the stresses around you
Resources Mentioned:
Book: Two Inches of Wool: The Simple Art of Self Care
Susan Pokorny
Wellness Coach
Pure Home and Body
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
One of the biggest financial decision you’ll be facing when you’re in the process of divorce is - what’s going to happen to your family home. Keep the house? Sell it? Buy a new one or rent?
With the right information, women are amazing decision makers. The problem lies in getting the correct pieces of information. But what steps should you take in order to avoid mistakes and regrets later on?
Josh Bucio is Mortgage Originator at Waterstone Bank with 15 years of experience in helping family and individuals with mortgages. He specializes in educating home buyers, providing them complete guidance from the beginning till the family is settled.
He takes the time to understand your entire situation, in order to give you the best guidance possible when choosing a mortgage program. Having clarity and seeing the bigger picture from the beginning gives you peace and enough reason to get moving forward.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- The 5 Item Checklist
- How to calculate your debt income ratios
- Things you need to consider when making decisions
- Impacts of purchasing a house
- Patience and progress
- Understanding the division of the income, debts, and properties
- Tips from Josh Bucio
- Get comfortable being uncomfortable
“You get out what you put in.”
The process is not always easy but if you put in the work, educate yourself and connect with the right people, things will work out.
Resources Mentioned:
Credit Karma - a tool to manage your credit
Divorce is not a DIY Project
Josh Bucio
Mortgage Originator
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
What does your normal day feel like? Do you feel low most of the time? What are the thoughts running through your head on a regular basis?
Oftentimes we feel like we don’t have the energy to do things especially when we’re going through a difficult time, like divorce. We associate emotional fatigue with physical fatigue and that affects how we perform every day resulting in decreased productivity and an unfocused mind.
Jill Sommers is a marathon runner, performance coach, and owner of JMS Performance Coaching. She coaches both women and men to live a fulfilled life that makes them feel good both inside and out - be it in business, relationships, sports and other fields of life.
In this episode, Jill emphasizes the importance of self-care, staying focused, getting enough sleep and keeping yourself hydrated all the time. In divorce, just like a marathon, we need to focus on the process and not the outcome, as the outcome will take care of itself.
Navigate your life better and keep on reminding yourself of the benefits of what you're going through right now because it’s definitely worth the effort.
In This Episode, We Discuss:
- The perpetual 'Not Enoughness'
- How to prepare for your own race.
- Sport is one of the greatest places we can draw parallels between hardship and life.
- Your support buddy doesn’t have to be a human.
- What to do next when you’re in the midst of a race.
- Thoughts attract thoughts.
- How to avoid going through the dark spots when you’re in the middle of the race.
- The “Joy List”
- Focusing on your strengths and the benefits of your actions.
- When you're more present, you're more aware of your feelings.
- Always have trust and faith that it's going to work out.
“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar
Resources Mentioned:
Jill M Sommers
Performance Coach
414-559-7164 | jill@jillmsommers.com
Jill Sommers Website
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
What are your beliefs when it comes to money? Is it evil? Good? Or do you look at it as a tool?
Money in itself is an objective tool but we connect it with a lot of emotion, that’s why it’s not only a financial topic but an emotional one.
In this episode, we are going to have an assertive financial conversation about the 10 paradigms regarding financial wellness. These 10 beliefs which we are going to explore today can help you go from “Financial Self-Sabotage” to “Financial Self-Confidence”. Understanding how money works results in us becoming brilliant decision-makers.
When we have access to knowledge and information we have choices: a choice to do nothing or a choice to go out there do it on your own or find someone you can collaborate with or help you with in order to make good financial decisions and live a more financially well and money-confident life!
I believe that women when they have the right information, make really good decisions! Wealth in the hands of women is a good thing because we’re always thinking about others. And that’s what makes us great, helping other women be empowered.
In This Episode, We Discuss:
- My family history about money.
- How I built up my business and helping women build confidence when it comes to handling money and their financial life.
- Family history is very important in relation to money.
- Your attitude toward money
- Money is Unfaithful
- The Rule of 72
- Financial literacy is a lifestyle
- The Importance of Financial Literacy and Financial Education especially to us women.
- Budgeting or “The Spending Plan”
- 3 Types of Communication
- Knowledge + Experience = CONFIDENCE
- The importance of having difficult money conversations
- A.N.O.T. Tool for Negotiating
- The definition of “ Financial Wellness”
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know how to do better, I do better!” — Rhonda Noordyk
Resources Mentioned:
- Divorced Conversations for Women Podcast
- The Rule of 72 by Albert Einstein
- University of Wisconsin Extension - Financial Coaching Training
- Mint.com - an automated tool for budgeting
- Beautiful Budget Online Course
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Divorce is complicated in itself and it could get even more so with Social Security benefits. Because you’re no longer married, depending on your personal situation, a few sets of different rules will apply. And the more you educate yourself about this topic the more prepared and better equipped you’ll be.
Randy Kitzmiller, a National Social Security Advisor, Retirement Income Certified Professional through the American College and a Retirement Income consultant at Ash Brokerage, help others get protection and receive security for their planning needs through seminars and educational events regarding the benefits of Social Security.
In this episode, Randy shares common concerns and relevant information regarding social security benefits. A lot of women and men alike don't realize that there are certain benefits they’re entitled to receive when they are divorced. And just by knowing that you could receive such benefits can be life-changing.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- If you're educated enough about certain topics you can make really good decisions.
- Spousal benefits vs. Survival Benefits
- Divorced Spouses have Survivor Benefits if certain criteria are met.
- Divorced Spouses have benefits if certain criteria are met.
- Example scenarios of Social Security Benefits
- Interesting things you should know under the Divorce benefits.
- Social security is not an emotional decision it's a financial decision.
- Education is key, get what you deserve. Your personal situation will dictate it.
“Social security benefits although available to men and women is a women's issue and to be able to maximize those benefits is key.”
Books mentioned:
Get What's Yours: The Secrets to Maxing Out Your Social Security by Laurence Kotlikoff, Paul Solman, and Philip Moeller
Resources Mentioned:
Randy Kitzmiller
Retirement Income Consultant
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
A Prenuptial Agreement is more than just a financial agreement. Before tying the knot with your partner, it’s important to be knowledgeable about how to protect your heirloom, property, and other assets before marriage.
Attorney David Watson specializes in estate planning by protecting and preserving his clients' assets. In this episode we talk about the importance of a Prenuptial Agreement and why you and your spouse should consider signing into one.
He explains that a prenup establishes the property and financial rights of each spouse in the event that a divorce occurs. Having a prenuptial agreement is not selfish, it’s called being responsible.
Take ownership for what it is that you not only bring to the marriage but what you brought to the marriage.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- What is a Prenuptial Agreement.
- Why you should consider getting a Prenuptial Agreement.
- Tough conversations’ necessary in building trust in any relationship.
- Tools you can use to make sure what you brought into that particular agreement is protected.
- Things to consider within a prenup.
- Without a prenup, you're at the mercy of State Law.
- Cohabitation Agreement and other Marriage related laws.
- Know what your rights are and what the actual document says.
- Sometimes, there’s a difference in what the actual document says and what’s actually going to happen.
- Just because your spouse brings it up doesn't mean that they don't trust you.
“Don’t be blissfully ignorant” *— Atty. David Watson*
Resources Mentioned:
Atty. David Watson
Estate Planning Attorney
500 W. Silver Spring Drive, Suite K-200
Glendale, WI 53217|414-491-3283
Email: David.Watson@watsonatlaw.com
Website: The Law Office of David Watson, LCC
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
How do we create health? How do we stay healthy in our 40's, 50's, 60's and beyond? How can we take care of our health as we go through divorce?
We don't have to accept changes that we start to experience in our bodies as manifestations of getting older. We can take action. We can take our path to optimal health and well-being as an iterative journey with learning and empowerment on the way.
Dr. Kate Bayliss is a medical doctor who has worked in conventional medicine for over two decades. She completed a fellowship in Integrative Medicine (Dr. Weil's program at the University of Arizona), and a member of the Institute of Functional Medicine and American Association for Anti-aging Medicine.
She loves working with both women and men that are interested in figuring out how they can better optimize their health. She’s currently focused on “whole person care” with an eye toward health creation and promoting well-being.
There are many things you can do to help respond to stress in a healthier way. Get to the root cause and address them, rather than sticking to conventional medicine. Let’s all do it the natural way!
Mention the Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast and get a free 15-minute phone consultation.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Philosophical differences between functional medicine and conventional medicine.
- Components of functional medicine.
- We don't have to accept changes that we start to experience in our 40's 50's and 60's as a manifestation of getting older.
- Taking care of yourself is not selfish.
- We can take action.
- What we put on our fork is the most important things in determining our health and well being.
- Food is medicine.
- There's no set formulation that we all should be doing this because everybody's experiences are different.
- Our path to optimal health and well-being is an iterative journey with learning and empowerment on the way.
The physician of the future will give no medication, but will interest his (her) patients in the care of the human frame, diet and in the cause and prevention of disease.
—Thomas Edison
Avoid drugs whenever possible and be PRESENT in the way you take care of your health and your loved ones.
Resources Mentioned:
Dr. Kate Bayliss
Medical Doctor
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
If you’re currently dealing with stress, the person you need to talk to the most is you - your unconscious. If you’re going through divorce or planning to get a divorce, ask yourself, talk to your unconscious: Am I really ready to get a divorce? How did I get myself here? What has led me to this event?
Deborah Lukovich, the Executive Director of a fabulous nonprofit called Playworks that improves children's wellbeing in school through play, is also an expert in depth psychology. With 15 years of coaching and consulting experience, she helps others deeply connect with people while creating a safe space where they can reflect in a way that’s required for real professional, personal and spiritual growth through depth psychology.
Communicating with our own minds is very important. Most people don’t know how to communicate with that part of their mind that controls automatic behaviors, urges, emotions, and habits. Don’t you wonder why we sometimes end up doing the total opposite of the best rational thing to do in a situation?
Whatever you're going through right now is exactly what you're supposed to be going through right now. You're exactly where you're supposed to be because there's a lesson for you to learn about yourself. That will be a major insight helping you have healthier relationships in life.
Deborah Lukovich offers a monthly workshop at Elle Studio + Wellness. She offers a 30-minute free consultation and 45% off for the first session ($75) for Divorce Conversations for Women listeners!
In This Episode We Discuss:
- What Depth Psychology is all about.
- Depth Psychology concepts.
- Learn how to unravel some very very deep-seated patterns and belief that are not necessarily negative but have stopped working for us.
- A new perspective and context for the difficult journey of divorce.
- How to tap into your unconscious wisdom.
- What your unconscious mind is telling you.
- It all starts with getting it out onto paper via journaling, drawing, poetry.
- There's a light at the end of the tunnel.
- You're not ready to get a divorce until you unravel all those emotional patterns that contributed to it not working out.
- Romantic attraction is very mysterious but once you understand this, it can actually be beautiful.
- When you change, somebody else doesn't like it unless they're changing too.
“Every encounter where there is sexual attraction, no matter how short or long, offers a kind of spiritual curriculum where the objective is to learn and take responsibility for our your own development instead of projecting it onto our romantic partner in the way of expectations that are impossible to meet.”
Resources Mentioned:
Deborah Lukovich
Executive Director of Playworks - https://www.playworks.org/wisconsin/about/staff/
414-803-3229|dlukovich@gmail.com
Website: www.deborah-alinea.com
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Divorce is an experience that’s both physically and mentally taxing. It’s like losing a part of you or grieving the loss of a loved one. One thing is for certain when you go through a divorce - you’re going to be alone, but only for a while. Once you’ve recovered, you’ll feel like a new-born person again.
When you are ready, fully recovered and healed, you might consider dating again like a flower waiting to bloom.
Raeeka Yaghmai, founder and CEO of Dating with Confidence is a certified life coach and a dating and relationship expert for single women as well as a professional opera singer. She coaches and help both single women stop their repeating patterns of dating wrong guys and women who wanted to find love again after a traumatic experience such as divorce to connect to their self-worth and value to feel confident and sexy so that they can attract quality relationship-ready men, and finally create the love lives they desire.
Our love lives are so personal, it reflects so much of our internal self. Her message to ladies who have gone through divorce — You need to take 100% responsibility for the role you are playing in creating your love life.
Identify relationship-ready men and avoid unavailable guys with Raeeka Yaghmai’s FREE guide training - the “Broken Picker”. Get her FREE guide at https://datingwithconfidencecoaching.com/bps
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Dating after divorce.
- How her past relationships helped in founding Dating WIth Confidence.
- You cannot control other people, but you have 100% control over YOU!
- You need to put the past 100% in the past.
- Why she calls her ex fiancé ‘Santa Claus’.
- The difference between “Coaching” and “Therapy”.
- Confidence and Forgiveness.
- When a leaf falls another leaf comes out.
- Upgrading your DOS - Dating Operating System
- The way we show up in our love life, a lot of times is the way we show up in every other aspect of our lives.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” — Albert Einstein
You can't do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. It doesn’t work like that.
Resources Mentioned:
Raeeka Yaghmai
Dating Coach | CEO of Dating With Confidence
Raeeka@DatingWithConfidenceCoaching.com | +1-415-336-9176
Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
When it comes to the legal process, divorce is never a walk in the park. You’d need to go through a lot of procedures which can be very taxing mentally, emotionally and physically. You want to make sure you’re on the right track and have the proper and unclouded advice to avoid making decisions that’ll lead to mistakes.
Of course you want to have custody of your kids and don’t want to lose your rights over marital properties. To ensure this, you need an accurate interpretation of the divorce laws and what you should you do next in the process. You probably need to choose the right lawyer whom you can trust to help you sort out the complicated things.
Barry Book is an Attorney practicing family law exclusively for over 29 years representing individuals in divorce cases and also act as GAL and mediator. Family law is very personal in nature. It deals with the most personal aspects of an individual's life whether you have children or not.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- The difference of Family Law from other areas of law.
- How patience is extremely important.
- Don't compare your situation to other people.
- Divorce is a personal matter.
- The roles of an attorney.
- How a lawyer should treat his/her clients.
- The importance of being honest with your lawyer.
- The outcome of another person's case has nothing to do with your case.
- Rely on your lawyer to guide you through the process and the issues involved
- Family is the core of who we really are.
- The outcome of the legal process will affect you and your children forever.
- An attorney-client relationship has to be built on being clear and being honest every step along the way whether the news is good or bad.
"I handle exclusively family matters because families matter."
—Barry Book
Resources Mentioned:
Barry Book
Family Lawyer | Divorce Attorney
414.930.1170 | www.book-law.com
Brookfield, Wisconsin
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
We all have the capacity to know and feel without reasoning about it consciously. It’s called ‘gut feeling’! You can’t think 100% rationally all the time. Our mind uses both our emotions and logic when making decisions. But we are too distracted or doubtful whether we should trust that small voice deep within us. Especially when faced with difficult situations.
Nicole Isler is an empowerment coach for caring souls who wants to make a difference in the world for people, animals, and the planet. She works with spiritual people whose priority is to be loving to themselves and help others understand the process if spiritual promotion, the importance of energy and self-trust in a world full of distractions.
In this episode, Nicole shares three important tips that will help not only women but anyone to have better days building the life they could step into, learning to trust and not doubt what they really feel. Life’s a fluctuation of experiences. You’re not trapped, there’s always an option, a way out.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- Trusting Yourself: The difference between intuitive nudges and ego-driven thoughts.
- The best decisions you can make are the ones when you’re being TRUE to yourself!
- No one else knows what's better for you than you yourself.
- The 5-second rule by Mel Robbins
- Building confidence even after years of negative conditioning and patterns.
- Three ways intuition is 100% of the time working for you.
- How people can recognize when they are not true to themselves.
- Putting yourself first doesn't mean you're putting everyone else last.
- Guilt is taught.
- You're never trapped or stuck. There are always options no matter how hard they might be.
Trust your first feel, not your second thought - Nicole Isler
Intuition always comes in first. Always go with that first feel, then proceed and move forward!
Resources Mentioned:
Nicole Isler
Chief Empowerment Coach
Nicole Isler’s Website
The Energy Lounge
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Divorce is a huge leap of adjustment that requires you to set new boundaries in your relationships with your ex, children, coworkers and other people. Boundaries are not walls. Boundaries are your stance for action - the decisions you’ll make, what you’ll do and the outcome of your choices. You use this to avoid pain and suffering coming into your life.
Traci Scherck is a Retention Strategist/ HR Consultant who works with organizational leaders to create the space for every employee to go home every night fulfilled in the work that they do. In the divorce process, there are so many things that women can't control. But the one thing they can is establishing boundaries.
In this episode, Traci teaches us how we can set boundaries in our personal lives and in the workplace. Reminding us to thoroughly think what boundaries we are setting and how are we going to ensure that we follow through on these boundaries to love and respect ourselves.
Visit traci@scherckconsulting.com for a FREE 20-minute strategy session and The 5 steps to Create Boundaries that lead to a Fulfilling Life.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- How to set great boundaries in every aspect of our lives.
- Creating clarity around what we want out of the situation.
- Difference between an output and an outcome.
- The 3 areas when it comes to setting boundaries: Time, Energy & Resources.
- The Key Communication Principles and its importance.
- Learning to say NO when it doesn’t align with your values and goals.
- A strategy that uses our stand to make quick decisions.
- Bravery.
- The importance of always going back to basics.
- Simple does not mean easy.
- Keeping your distance and having a certain amount of space is healthy for your relationships.
Boundaries are a function of self-respect and self-love. - Brene Brown
Every boundary you set is about respecting and loving yourself. You can’t love others without loving and embracing yourself first.
Resources:
Traci Scherck
traci@scherckconsulting.com
Retention Strategist/ HR Consultant SPHR, SHRM-SCP, MPA, NHA
Scherck Consulting
Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
For thousand of years, women's value in society is more seen as caretakers. We were trained to believe that our role should be what society dictates and expects us to be. These expectations prevent us from developing a relationship with our inner self, creating the mindset and fear that people might view us as selfish or self-centered when we put ourselves first before others and everything else.
Dr. Dianne Garrison is a psychologist and a Certified Feminine Power Coach and Facilitator. She has always been passionate when it comes to issues regarding women, specially with women experiencing divorce. She uses her signature method “The Full Power Process" to empower women and help them find their own inner strength.
In this episode, Dr. Garrison teaches us methods of empowerment, learning to listen to our own wisdom & intuition, and becoming your own best friend. She reminds us that we have what we need when we are mindful of our senses and trust our feelings. Too many times we rely heavily on others’ information and knowledge but when we learn to sit, stay still, be quiet and listen we'll find incredible answers within us.
Mention the Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast and get a FREE 30-minute discovery session with Dr. Garrison to clarify your growth needs and what’s stopping you from making progress.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- The challenges of the divorce process.
- Re-programming your tough self-blaming mindset.
- Being strong and finding your voice.
- How to turn to your inner wisdom.
- Creating a happy and fulfilling life.
- Essential practices to become your own best form.
- Mindshifting through prayer, meditation, journaling.
- Breaking societal expectations and norms.
- Leaning on other people for support is okay but learn to trust your own wisdom.
- How to develop a deeper relationship with yourself.
- “This is your divorce and you have a voice. There’s an expert in the legal process, but you’re the only expert of your own.”
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
– Buddha
Resources Mentioned:
The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth: Live Them and Reach Your Potential by John Maxwell
Diane Garrison, Ph.D.
info@lakecountrywellnessandcounseling.com
Lake Wellness and Counseling Website
262-547-9673
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Oftentimes, couples planning to divorce search for ways to end their marriage without having to go through litigation. Not all divorces have to go through the court. Divorce can be resolved through informal negotiations between you and your husband, attorney and mediator.
Lori Brandon is a PACE Registered Paralegal through the National Federation of Paralegal Associations, a Minnesota Certified Paralegal, and is listed on the Minnesota Supreme Court Roster of Qualified Providers for Alternative Dispute Resolution services. Lori has been helping people navigate family court matters since 1991, and her diverse experience includes working many years for the Minnesota Judicial Branch.
In this episode, Lori shows us how ADR Mediation offers solutions or compromises without having to worry about the judges. Offering people a more creative course of action.
Opting to go for Alternative Dispute Resolution, doesn't mean it's going to solve every problem in a couple of hours. But it will definitely help purge gaps and find more clarity in order to make better decisions.
Receive 50% off Lori’s regular hourly rate for mediation when you mention the Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- How effective Alternative Dispute Resolution Mediation is
- The Advantages of utilizing ADR, especially Mediation
- Strategies and advice on how to mend issues regarding mediation
- Strategies to prepare for mediation
- Always be ready to listen to possible solutions
- Have an open mind
- Adhere to the facts. Women who focus more on the facts are much stronger than those who don’t.
- Learn to identify and gather information
- Helpful questions to ask before selecting a provider
- Mediation can help people save money
- Experience matters (for mediators) but not as important as style
- Lori shares a success story from one of her clients
“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein
When things are challenging, don’t feel hopeless. There’s always a silver lining and opportunities to do new things. Difficulty always lead to better days!
Resources:
Lori Brandon, RP®, MnCP
Mediator & Paralegal
Metro Law and Mediation
5402 Parkdale Drive, Suite 100
Minneapolis, MN 55416
Office: 612.548.4453
Direct: 612.361.2226
Fax: 800.993.2318
lori@metroattorneymn.com
www.metroattorneymn.com
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Sex, divorce and money are the toughest topics people don’t want to talk about. It's an emotional topic, that when combined together creates a mixture of both ecstasy, stress, anger, pleasure, pain, failure, guilt, shame, risk, lust, jealousy and love.
Tiffany Yelverton is a sexual empowerment coach and founder of Entice Me and Sexy Survivors. A chief sexinista and a master of enticing others to experience soul changing growth by embracing pleasure and connecting to their core sexual confidence.
In this episode, Tiffany shares with us the many benefits we can get in loving ourselves through self pleasure, getting to know our bodies better in a sexual health level and be confident enough to ask for what we want. She teaches us that sex and intimacy is great to have as we age in life and that we don’t have to settle for not being good enough for the pleasure of others.
Get a complimentary laser coaching session with Tiffany! You can book your session by clicking here - Complimentary Laser Coaching Session
In This Episode We Discuss:
- How it feels like when you decide to leave your comfort zone and love yourself
- The experience of pleasure every individual can have on a sexual health perspective
- A lot of times many of us have gone through the same things and it’s just about opening through conversation and learning how we could make those conversations comfortable and informative
- Remember that you're a sexual being and "You're pleasure is not tied to someone else."
- Advice and tips on how to better improve one’s sexual life
- Don’t take everything personally.
- Products and services recommended for sexual boost.
- Sex & Intimacy for the rest of your life
- Loving yourself
“An orgasm a day, keeps the doctor away.” - Mae West
Resources Mentioned:
Prince Charming isn't Coming by Barbara Stanny
Entice Me Website
Connect with Tiffany:
Tiffany Alyse Yelverton
Founder, Sex Coach, and Chief Sexinista of Entice Me
tiffany@enticeme.com
714-386-9684
Social Media: @enticemesoirees
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Divorce can make someone feel isolated and care less about their health which may lead to anxiety, depression, stress and traumatic experiences. Women who are going through divorce sometimes feel a mixture of stigma and shame causing them to lose confidence and self-esteem.
Edie Starrett is a mother and an Ayurvedic and Yoga Practitioner/Therapist. She founded MonaV, a health and wellness company. Edie is a very strong woman, who found a whole new set of life ambitions after getting divorced. She rebuilt her self-esteem and aspires to help other women find value in self-care.
In this episode, Edie shares how her traumatic experience after getting divorced served as a catalyst to explore things she always wanted to do. She shares with us three important points on how to give nourishment to our mind, body, and soul: routine, reflection, and recharge. When you start to learn these things, there's so much you have that you can control and add to your life even in the most stressful time.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- How Edie founded her company MonaV
- Her experience in school
- The connection between our mind, body, and soul
- The rigorous process of going through a divorce, especially the documentation part.
- There's a huge amount of responsibility that lies on your side of the table to go from getting married to getting divorced
- How to practically approach things
- Listen to your body and honor your health
- Breaking the confusion that eating healthy is hard and expensive
- Instead of giving candy bars to your kids, swap it with fruits as an alternative! It’s still sugar but it’s healthier and more satisfying.
"Praise loudly and blame softly"
We don’t have to be perfect, we just need to be valuable and make a difference. We’re human beings we can do both!
Resources Mentioned:
Edie Starrett
Mona V Wellness
Ayurvedic Practitioner
414-331-4009 | monavwellness@gmail.com
Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
You are not a victim and divorce doesn't define you. You can choose to be happy, financially independent, healthy, and connected. It is up to you to shift your energy, focus, and attention on what will move you forward.
Susan Haddorff a mother of five and the Senior Executive Sales Leader of Norwex USA. She is the prime example of how one can build a successful business while going through divorce and being the pillar for her children in the process.
In this episode, Susan shares how she shifted the negative energy from her divorce and focused on building a solid and rewarding business for her and her children. She shares how it is possible to be financially independent doing something that you love.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- How Susan created a successful business that helped her financially and emotionally as she was going through divorce
- Generating income as a stay-at-home Mom and turning a hobby into a revenue generating hustle
- The shift in energy Susan channeled from her divorce to build her Norwex business
- How deciding and choosing to move forward allowed her to build a business while still prioritizing her children
- Women can become financially independent and take ownership of whatever situation they are in
- Using Yoga and setting her intentions for the day as a way to help her thrive
- How having a solid support network helped her get through through the divorce
- Being a good example to your children in choosing to be happy and dealing with the divorce in a healthy way.
- When having conversations with your children, replace BUT with AND to instantly feel the shift in energy
“Comparison is the thief of joy” ~Theodore Roosevelt
I can do hard things!
Resources Mentioned:
Susan Haddorff
Senior Executive Sales Leader
262.510.6220 | shaddorff@yahoo.com
Norwex Consultant Home | Norwex USA
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Going through a career change or re-entering the job market as you are going through divorce can be overwhelming. There are a lot to consider, and a lot of things to do. It is difficult to judge what the first step should be.
Sue Gresham “The LinkedIn Lady” is a consultant, coach, trainer, speaker, and job search mentor. She teaches business owners, entrepreneurs, job seekers and students how to use LinkedIn simply and effectively so they can build their personal brand, expand their reach, increase sales, or find successful employment.
And today she will be sharing simple, effective, and extremely valuable ways to use LinkedIn - an amazing tool where you can start creating an online presence to help initiate and accelerate your job search or career change.
What is LinkedIn?
Linkedin is an amazing tool to put professional information about yourself on a public networking platform online where you have complete control over the content. This is where you highlight your career, what you're aspiring to do, and current information. It is a 24/7 platform where recruiters and hiring managers can discover you.
In This Episode We Discuss:
- How to create an inventory of ALL your experiences and frame them into “Skill Sets”
- Identifying where you might have a technology gap and find ways to improve on them
- How to craft your story - your accomplishments, skills, what you’re passionate about, and what you are looking for
- Creating a profile that does not cost thousands of dollars
- If you do not know where to begin, start with the Skills section in LinkedIn
- Having a LinkedIn profile brings you on top of Google searches and more visible to recruiters
- The time investment required to create a profile, maintain connections, build networks, and find opportunities on LinkedIn
- How to put together a LinkedIn profile to tell a compelling professional story
- Growing your LinkedIn profile as you grow your career
- Building a network that would provide long term value
- The success story of one of Sue’s clients where a single article she posted on LinkedIn opened up a huge opportunity for her
“Don't wait until you're thirsty to dig a well” ~So Zhuzi
Job offers, interviews, opportunities may not always be immediate, but the ripple effect of putting yourself out there will go a long long way.
Resources Mentioned:
- Yes, You Should Connect with Recruiters
- Sue Gresham - 262-264-8725 info@sue-gresham.com
- Visit www.sue-gresham.com and sign up for her newsletter "Simply LinkedIn"
- Connect with Sue on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Self care is a topic that is currently receiving a lot of attention. But despite it being tha latest hot topic, most women still have a hard time giving themselves permission to take care of themselves.
Self care is not selfish. It is crucial for our wellbeing and more so when we are going through divorce or any crisis. It allows us to walk through the added responsibilities and stress more effectively. It helps clear our minds to have a better overall outlook. It is setting healthy boundaries for ourselves to manage the three valuable but limited resources that we have - time, money and energy.
Susan Pokorny is a trauma informed Yoga trainer, an aromatherapist, an Amazon bestselling author, and is extremely passionate about helping women around the topic of self care.
In today’s episode we break down the myths around self care and how it relates to our three valuable resources of time, money, and energy.
Time
A lot of women have bought into the myth that we don't have enough time to take care of ourselves. But we do have time. We only need to evaluate what is essential, what is really going to bring you life, what is going to bring you health and what is going to support you in going through this time.
When we make good choices in health and wellness, it can actually give us more time because we're more effective, we're thinking more clearly, our brain is nourished, and we're rested.
We can't produce more time, but self care can multiply and maximize the effectiveness of the time that we have.
Money
Self-care is an investment that we make for ourselves that will benefit in the long run. If you look at investing in whole food, it might cause more upfront, but the long term benefit outweighs the initial investment. We need to look at self-care as putting money into an emotional and physical bank account that's going to build up our resources.
But it does not always mean spending more than you normally would. There are a lot of different things that you can to to nurture yourself that costs little to no money. In Susan’s book, Two Inches of Wool, she shares hundreds of tips and ideas for self care that don’t cost too much money.
Energy
There are good things that we can do, good choices that we can make in our life that will give us energy and there are choices that will draining us of our energy. We can support our body to do what it needs to do to eliminate the bad stuff. But it needs good fuel, and good food choices fuels our body.
It takes energy to go out of our way and make better choices but when we're filling up our health and wellness bank it will help us get through difficult situations. We can look where we could be more proactive and practical with our health.
“Self love has measurably deepened my relationships with the people that I love”
Self care is investing in yourself that is essential for your long term and short term wellbeing. When we take care of ourselves, we deepen our relationships with those that we care about. That is the essence of self care. It's deepening a relationship with yourself, but it's also, it's giving the best of yourself to doing it.
Resources Mentioned:
Two Inches of Wool: The Simple Art of Self Care
Susan's Instagram, Twitter, and Website
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
One of the biggest challenges while going through the divorce process is the amount of paperwork that women have to stay on top of. Women may feel caught in the chaos, overwhelm, uncertainty, and frustration with so many things going on. We need to have a system in place to stay organized so that we are empowered to make decisions that would impact our lives.
Dave Rebro is a really great model for helping people stay organized. He is an Amazon number one bestselling author and technology therapist. Dave brings over 24 years of technology strategy and organizational workflow experience and over 10 years of teaching and coaching experience. He is a certified evernote consultant and certified Apple Support Professional. And in this episode, Dave will share techniques, resources, and tools to stay organized.
In this episode, we talk about:
- The importance of being organized and what happens when you are organized and when you are not
- How to get organized with so much coming at you
- The importance of creating a digital library of all the paperwork involved and consolidating that into a mobile workspace
- How the proper mindset around being organized can give you clarity and focus
- It is very difficult to make good, sound decisions when you do not have all the documents organized and available at all times
- empowerment that happens when women are organized
- Dave shares a time in his life when he felt stuck in his business and how setting up a system in place brought clarity to his life
- How Dave uses Evernote, his “productive flow app”
Introducing DivDash
It is my life's work and my passion to help bring leading edge ideas, tools, tips, and resources to women that need help and guidance. Together with Dave, I wanted to create something that makes it easier for women to have more control, to be more organized, and get meaningful results. From that desire, came Divorce Dashboard.
Divorce Dashboard (DivDash) aims to help women get organized, give them tips, tools, checklists, resources and insight as they navigate the divorce process. It is a combination of the tools in the binder that I have developed for the Women’s Financial Wellness Center and Dave’s expertise to leverage technology.
This is a truly unique product that will help women create systems in place which will ultimately empower them to make decisions and move forward in life.
“the cave you fear to enter, holds the treasure you seek” ~Joseph Campbell
Resources Mentioned:
Evernote
Women’s Financial Wellness Center
Divorce Dashboard - coming soon!
Dave Rebro
DRCS Solutions
262.513.2833
info@drcs-solutions.com
www.drcs-solutions.com
Facebook @DRCSSolutions
Twitter @ipadexpertdave
LinkedIn @rebrod
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Going through divorce is a very powerful experience that shapes our characters. It is a time when we are tested to the core, challenged, and prepared for something greater. But divorce does not define us. Divorce is an event that we go through in life.
Today’s guest is Dori Pulse, the founder of Girl for God Ministries and author of Everything Changed When I Said 'I Do'. She has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Theology, is a part of a step family for almost 20 years, facilitates divorce care programs at churches, a coach, a Stephen Minister, servant leader, and knows how it is to be in your shoes being married and divorced twice herself.
We touch on so many topics which can actually be separate episodes or multi-day workshops. This episode is so insightful, inspiring, and uplifting.
Here are some things we discussed:
- Divorce is the time to be extremely selfish. You need to take care of yourself first, so you can turn and take care of your children and the people around you
- Setting boundaries is very powerful. It all starts with being very clear about your values and what's important to you, setting these boundaries, communicating them, and most importantly enforcing them. Nobody knows our boundaries unless we tell them what they are. We're the only ones who can decide what those boundaries are for us.
- It is important to have accountability partners. Godly accountability can come in and give you fresh ideas that can help you see a different twist on things, will hold you accountable, be there to listen without judgement, and would always have your best interest in mind.
- Have a positive personal recorder. The only thing we can control is ourselves. During divorce when we doubt ourselves and are immersed in a lot of negativity, having positive self talk is extremely important.
- Spend a lot of time in scripture. When our strength is depleted, we can always rely on scripture to help us get by. “I am God's creation. I am his. He has a plan for me. There is no other man, but Jesus.”
- Always be reminded of your gifts and talents. Journaling is one way to bring them to our conscious mind and be aware of them. When you know your strengths, you have the opportunity to be able to utilize and strengthen them.
- The power of silence. This does not mean allowing and staying in an abusive situation but walking away, hanging up the phone, not responding to texts, not having to prove anything and not letting anyone press your buttons.
Going through divorce is tough. It takes time and an entire community of people to come alongside and support you. And women come out of the other side personally, sometimes professionally, spiritually, emotionally, stronger than when they started the process.
Divorce is a long journey, and you need to get all the support you require. That is the intention of Women's Financial Wellness Center. We provide support and can direct you to all of the people that you would need through the divorce process - Attorneys, CPAs, therapists, etc. We’ll help you find the team of people that can support you.
Resources Mentioned:
Everything Changed When I Said 'I Do' on Amazon
www.divorcecare.org
Recommended Bible Verses: Psalm 119 and Philippians 4:13
Dori Pulse
Girl for God Ministries
360.430.1444
dori.pls@live.com
www.stepfamilyrx.com
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Today’s episode with Nilda Campuzano is very refreshing and inspiring. We talk about the key elements in creating a thriving life weather you are contemplating divorce, going through it, or have gone through it.
Nilda was a stay at home mom for 13 years before her divorce. She had a very trying time in the process - having children to consider, her family being in another country, and being away from the workforce for so long. But as she took things one step at a time, everything started coming to place. And she is now seeing the light at the end of her tunnel.
I hope this episode inspires you to gain clarity, ask for support, and really advocate for yourself and for your children. Don’t settle. Don't Park... Keep Moving.
Here are some things we discuss:
Do Not Isolate Yourself
We all know the importance of staying connected and getting support. But as women are going through divorce, most feel that reaching out and opening up to people difficult and painful.
- Going through the process alone makes things very hard
- After emerging from self imposed isolation, you’ll find people waiting for you
- You need to have the support from people who have gone through what you are going through
Know Your Reasons
Divorce is such a rollercoaster. You will doubt yourself, your decisions, your actions. Being extremely clear with the reasons why you came to the decision and having a visual helps ground you in times of doubt. To gain clarity, you can meditate, journal, seek counsel, start gathering financial information and get your financial house in order.
- Be very clear in your head and in your heart
- Write down all the reasons behind your decision
- Post it where you can see them
Nilda shares her 2 biggest commitments to herself and her children and how honoring these commitments and communicating it allowed for the support of other people.
Wanting to Have a “Peaceful” Process
Nilda shares how she took all the responsibility and left nothing for herself because of the guilt she felt around her divorce and in wanting a “peaceful” separation. Looking back, she reflects that being a little bit angry and advocating for herself more could have done her better.
- Always advocate for yourself and your children
- Do not settle for less than you deserve
- Boundaries are easier to establish in the beginning, but is still achievable if set in place later
“Real peace is not the absence of conflict, it is the presence of justice.”
― Andrew W. Marlowe
Resources:
Necessary Endings book by Henry Cloud
Nilda Campuzano
Spanish - English Medical, Legal and Law Enforcement Interpreter
American Heart Association CPR & First Aid Trainer
justnilda@gmail.com
262-271-6726
Mental Illness is a very difficult but extremely important issue to talk about. And this is even more heightened when one is going through divorce. Shedding light on this issue is Shelly Smith, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, who talked about Mental Health & Wellness in Episode 8.
In this episode, we discuss the different factors that can affect the divorce process when mental illness is involved. But the overarching theme, and the most critical, is for women to build a strong support system around her. It is important to have family, friends, and professionals help and guide you as you go through divorce.
Going through divorce while dealing with mental illness is difficult, but as one of my favorite quote says…
“Fortune favors the brave”
You are brave! You have what it takes to navigate through this season, to advocate for yourself and your family.
Listen in as Shelly and I talk about:
- Mental illness is rarely discussed but is more common than we realize
- If you suspect that you or your former spouse might be suffering from mental illness, the most important thing is to get professional help and proper diagnosis
- You need to set-up people, professionals, and boundaries in place to help you and protect you
- How and when to involve mental health counselling
- Reflect on your circumstances and allow healing to take place
- How the legal system is set up to create boundaries and deadlines, and minimize unpredictability
Important things to remember:
- Take time to reflect on your situation. You can use a journal to help you navigate your emotions.
- Once you have the clarity from your reflection, reframe your mindset about the whole situation
- Remember that healing is a journey that takes time
- Having a support system is extremely important
- ASK. Ask for help, ask for protection, ask for guidance.
Resources:
Shelly Smith, LMFT
Co-Founder, United Counseling & Wellness
312-635-4354
www.tryucw.com
shelly@unitedcounselingwellness.com
Special Offer:
Mention the Divorce Conversations Podcast and receive a FREE phone consult.
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Going through the divorce process and what comes after can be quite challenging. Having a dependable career and confidence in advocating yourself helps a lot in bringing normalcy and stability in this time.
In this episode, Sara Reed shares her in-depth knowledge from an HR standpoint on how women can elevate themselves in the workforce. We talk about tips for women who are looking to re-enter the workforce and women who are looking to increase their cash flow.
As women, we should learn to have the confidence and belief in ourselves that we have valuable skills that are valuable in the workforce and that we deserve to receive proper compensation.
Sara reminds us…
You need to believe in you before anyone else can.
Top Takeaways:
For women who wants to re-enter the workforce:
- Look at your experiences in managing your home, volunteer work, passions, interests, and intangible qualities to build up your resume
- Think of people in your circle, utilize your connections, and get recommendations where you can find work rather than looking at job boards.
- The importance of your attitude, activity, and actions in this season
- Other than traditional jobs, you can also consider starting a business, network marketing, consulting, or doing temp work
For women looking to increase their current income and opportunities:
- Evaluate your current conditions and see what direction you really want to go
- Why, how, and when to ask for a raise and advocate for yourself at work
- The importance of having financial clarity about the divorce process and after
- How having a real and honest conversation with your employer about your current situation can help with your productivity and benefit the company
Sara Reed is the Founder of Moonstone Coaching & Consulting, helping women have a career and life they can't wait to get out of bed for. She worked in the Human Resources field for 25 years before starting her coaching practice.
She believes that often, the biggest barrier to achieving what you want is you – your assumptions, your fears, your doubts. The key to unlocking your happiness can be as simple as understanding who you really are.
Resources:
How Women’s Financial Wellness Is Affecting Retention Rates
Sara Reed, Founder of Moonstone Coaching & Consulting
www.moonstonecoachingandconsulting.com
sara@moonstonecoachingandconsulting.com
262-506-4519
Follow Sara on Twitter, and LinkedIn.
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.comor grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Budgeting. This is a powerful word. It creates fear and anxiety. It produces avoidance-type behaviors. It even impacts relationships.
What are the costs of not budgeting? There are costs to our overall well-being.
1) Health: Lack of sleep
2) Quality of life: Financial-related stress
3) Financial: Actual dollars & sense
Most of my clients come to meet without a budget. There was no formal system for tracking expenses. Each spouse had a debt card – and spent money freely. What was the cost? Credit debt with high interest rates. Overdraft fees to the tune of thousands of dollars. Not saving for college as the kids approach college-age. Using the equity to pay of debt. And, then add in divorce on top of all the mayhem.
Budgeting is central to all financial decisions – and yet we avoid it at all costs. Women will often ask how much can I afford for housing? How much should I save? What can I afford for insurance? Etc. Those are all certainly great questions, but I don’t know the answers… until we put together a budget. Think of a target. The bulls-eye is budgeting. The next ring is insurance – risk protection. Then savings (short, mid and long-term). Then estate planning and lastly end of life planning. All of those big decisions hinge on the budget.
When I was in the financial industry it was normal to give clients a template, ask them to complete it and bring it back to the next meeting. The challenge was that most people took the template, filled it out on the way to the next meeting and missed some key information. There wasn’t a process to help people develop a budget.
When I left the financial industry in 2014 to open The Women’s Financial Wellness Center, one of the first things I did was develop an actual budgeting process. My colleagues thought I was crazy. Would people really pay for someone to help them with a budget? The answer was YES! It was one of our fastest growing programs. We offered the budgeting services as a small group workshop as well as 1:1 coaching sessions. As I tested and measured the results and launched the podcast to reach more women, I decided to create my 10-step process into an online course. It is called the Beautiful Budget Course.
What are the key elements of a successful budget?
1) Awareness
- Mindset – family history and the impact on your budget
- Why you want to create a budget?
- What are the benefits?
2) Step-by-step process
- While it is tempting to start with the template – and plug in the numbers – it is important to start with mindset, strategy and planning before that.
- Why is your style?
3) Support
- Accountability
- Automation
Who needs a budget? Women who want to be empowered to make good financial decisions. Women who are open to learning. Women who are frustrated with their current situation.
Once the budget is complete, the next phase is analyzing the results. It is important to look at the information in a way that is constructive. For example, you can first say… isn’t that interesting? It helps neutralize the emotion especially if you see you are in the red each month. Then ask yourself, what could I do to move from being in the red to being in the black? Start to brainstorm all the possibilities. Are there expenses you could reduce? Calls you could make to find out about special promotions? Ways you could increase your cash flow? For example, could you start a business? Or turn your hobby into a side hustle? Or ask for a raise? The Women’s Financial Wellness Center can help coach you through all of these situations.
To get started, I would encourage you to go through the new Beautiful Budget Online Course. Then the next step would be schedule a 1:1 strategy session for additional budgeting support. Be sure to visit the course tab on the website at www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com
The more women I speak with who have spouses that are too controlling, the more my concern grows for them. These women are in a situation where the person they trusted the most are now the threat to their safety. The question is, how can they assure their own security?
From mental tips like changing one’s mindset, to practical advices like getting a new phone, Freddie Harris, Founder of Badger Krav Maga, joins us for today’s episode to give us substantial ways on how we can shelter ourselves from harm.
TOP TAKEAWAYS:
- What are some safety concerns for women going through divorce
- What are the warning signs of violent behavior and what can we do about them
- What are some strategies Fred Harris gives to mitigate being a target
- How to effectively respond to sudden attacks and threats
Freddie shares the steps women can take to assure their safety when going through divorce:
- First, take ownership of the fact that you have to protect yourself.
- Get a support network to navigate this journey.
- Be someone who can follow-through for your children or relatives.
- Have assertiveness in your attitude to be less accessible and less of a victim.
- Learn some tips on self-defense and learn to follow your intuition.
Freddie Harris has over 20 years of experience as a private investigator, a security consultant, and instructor in several use-of-force disciplines. Fred specializes in workplace safety & physical security and provides services such as – termination assistance, executive protection, security force training & development, crowd control, crisis intervention, music/sporting event and labor strike security to clients throughout the United States.
RESOURCES:
Freddie Harris, Founder of Badger Krav Maga
fred@badgerkrav.com
www.badgerkrav.com
Follow Freddie and Badger Krav Maga on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
The health component takes such a big impact in divorce. However, the mind component is just as significant. When women go through divorce, they are physically and mentally drained. How can women take care of themselves when it’s the mind they have to nurse?
What can women do when they feel overwhelmed? Should they run away from it? Should they stay in place or move forward? How would they deal with the drama and challenges that linger? Who can they rely on? How will they become irrepressible from the situation?
Judy Brier Hahn, a certified Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, shares with us chunks of advices on how we can choose different paths to take when we are in tough situations. At the end of the day, what matters most is that our mind is at peace and we have found the strength to be resilient in these circumstances.
TOP TAKEAWAYS:
- What are the thought orientations women have when they are in divorce: are they in the victim orientation or creator orientation?
- Judy also enumerates the things women should be aware of when taking care of one’s mentality and how awareness can be a tool in bringing out our best selves.
- How keeping a journal, jotting down your thoughts and accomplishments can become a confidence booster and improve one’s gratitude
- Why it’s better to take baby steps than big strides when taking care of one’s mental health
- What Pass or Play is and how this can be an effective tool in freeing ourselves with drama the divorce accompanies
- Julie Hann shares a client success story on how a particular client was able to change her mentality and move forward with a better outlook on her problems
How can we know if we are in a victim mentality? You can ask yourself these three questions:
- Where am I putting my focus?
- How am I relating to others and myself in my experience?
- What actions am I taking?
Changing our mentality can make such a huge impact in divorce. Judy Hahn wants you to remember that we are not victims of circumstance, we are products of our decisions.
RESOURCES:
Check out Julie’s book recommendation, The Power of TED at Amazon.
Get in touch with Judy and Hahn Holistic Health
www.hahnholistichealth.com
414-678-1032
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
When someone goes through divorce, there are so many aspects to assess, so many decisions to make. With all of the processes to go through, people tend to overlook their financial assets. Estate planning is one of the most vital financial assets to consider, but one that is usually left out.
Why exactly is estate planning a significant asset to check? It’s all about protecting your loved ones from a sudden change in assets. How do we set up an estate plan? What should we prepare for the plan? When is the right time to plan for it? Elizabeth Ruthmansdorfer, a Small Business and Estate Administration Lawyer from the firm Moertl, Wilkins and Campbell takes us through the whole process.
Elizabeth and I discuss:
- Why women should take time in estate planning and what benefits it can have in the long run
- What women should be doing when it comes to estate planning after the finalization of a divorce
- What documents and records should be present when building up an estate plan
- When should women be having an estate plan and what assets should be taken in consideration
Elizabeth emphasizes that major life advances are usually the time to make an estate plan. She shares the 5 D’s on estate planning, the right times to make your plan:
- Death
- Divorce
- Disagreement
- Disability
- Decade
Resources:
Elizabeth Ruthmansdorfer’s book: Legal Empowerment for Women Through Estate Planning
Attorney Elizabeth Ruthmansdorfer
Moertl, Wilkins & Campbell - www.lawmwc.com
eruthmansdorfer@lawmwc.com
414-276-4366
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
One of the most overwhelming and intimidating aspects of a divorce is its financial aspect. Most women going through it find it difficult to manage their finances, along with all the other things to think about. How can they exactly prepare for it when they are in this situation? Today’s guest, Michelle Gabor, MBA, CPA walks us through the process of taking charge of our assets.
Talking finance does not need to be baffling. If women are properly guided by the right people and they explore their options, talk about finance would be one less thing to worry about.
Michelle Gabor, MBA, CPA guides people going through divorce in financial management. She works as an advisor to women so they can regain financial stability and get expert help.
TOP TAKEAWAYS:
- How can we check financial statements and who can we ask help from.
- What documents should we gather and review which can be used for financial planning
- Who are the people we can ask for guidance when it comes to financial management
- Why having a checklist for the process of managing finances can be a huge help
- Michelle breaks down what assets and cash flow are and what should women do about them
- How can women budget effectively and what should they change to be able to stick to their budget
Michelle shares some tips on how women can prepare for the financial aspect of a divorce:
- It’s better to have three years worth of documents (your tax returns and bank account statements) because it will contain valuable information and assets.
- You should also gather documents about mortgage, loans, appraisal statements, and documents with the children’s names.
- It’s a must to prioritize items by the dollar value when talking about finance.
- Set a realistic budget for your behavior - no matter how cumbersome it is!
RESOURCES:
Get in touch with Michelle Gabor by visiting the MGW Real Strategies website at www.mgwrealstrategies.com
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
For someone who is going through divorce, it is not a cake walk. It’s more like riding on a never-ending emotional rollercoaster. Emotions are all over the place and it may feel like you are in a pit.
Women going through divorce are constantly seeking guidance and directions on how to manage their feelings, and on how to improve their self-compassion. Shelly Smith, a Licensed Therapist on Marriage and Family Therapy, shares her insights on how women can be empowered during these tough times.
Listen in as Shelly and I talk about:
- Self-care and how we can practice self-care in such a rocky, emotional time of our lives
- What major shifts happen when you are going through divorce and what can you do about them
- Self-compassion and how can having this present during divorce can help us feel much better
- How self-talk is an important aspect in achieving self-care
- What tools you can use to uplift your confidence and worth during these times
- How changes in our personalities shift and what it could mean to our relationships
- How negativity is privileged and positivity is ignored and how that influences divorced women
Shelly shares these tips for mental health and wellness self-care:
- Self-care includes the little things that we often not think about and are fundamental to supporting ourselves emotionally.
- It’s necessary that we don’t bottle up our emotions because holding it in is not healthy and may hurt us in some ways.
- Being self-compassionate can help in the whole process of divorce
- It’s helpful to understand that emotions can change day by day, but remember that it will get better through time.
- There are two things you can do everyday: giving positive self-talk and setting boundaries.
Shelly gives chunks of helpful advices on how to come out of the places we are struggling. We have to keep that in mind, “A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.” - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Resources:
Shelly Smith, LMFT
Co-Founder, United Counseling & Wellness
312-635-4354
www.tryucw.com
shelly@unitedcounselingwellness.com
Special Offer:
Mention the Divorce Conversations Podcast and receive a FREE phone consult.
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
We have always been told that people need 7-8 hours of sleep. However, forty percent of Americans are sleep-deprived. We understand the importance of sleep, but add stress with divorce? Then you get sleep deprivation. People would most likely just overlook this by thinking that they are just tired, but the effects of not having enough sleep should not just be shrugged off.
A higher risk of experiencing anxiety and depression, mental capabilities hindered and the immune system weakening are just some of the side effects of sleep deprivation. It can clearly impact our quality of life.
Then what should we do? What steps can we take to help us become motivated in getting more sleep?
In this episode, Elise Miller shares some tips on how to get more sleep:
- Set a bedtime routine and apply it to yourself. Setting your brain as well can be a huge help.
- Leave your bedroom for just sleep and nothing else!
- Clear the clutter so that you won’t feel anxious seeing unfinished businesses.
- Get new sheets and bedding - It can be refreshing and can help you get more sleep
- Set the environment - essential oils can do a lot.
Elise Miller gives excellent tips on how to get that extra doze. She emphasizes that “The best way to see what tomorrow brings is to sleep through the night.”
More information can be found on the blog www.bedbrnwi.com/blog Mention Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast and get a 10% discount! You can reach Elise Miller through their website, The Bed Barn.
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
For a divorced woman experiencing loss, and perhaps on her way to losing the confidence she once had, enlightenment is necessary. Throughout my conversation with Rebecca, I learned that we have our own identity, and that we are powerful. I was reminded that we are all significant and that our style matters.
Our inner and outer beauty, indeed, needs an investment, and for it to grow, we need to take action by opening ourselves to new styles and embracing it.
In this episode, Rebecca and I discuss:
- What to wear during the different milestones coming in our life
- What to wear in court
- Confidence as it relates to discovering personal style
- Why appearance matters
- How our confidence can strongly be influenced by what we wear
- How to dress in different occasions
- What women should have in their closet based on their fashion style and budget
- How women can own their significance when they feel different types of emotions
Listen to this podcast as we reveal how to empower yourself through style. Always keep in mind that, "what we wear really makes an emotional impact on how we feel." - Rebecca Sheperd
Rebecca is a really amazing stylist who shares the same goal as me by helping women develop confidence through styling. You can reach her at https://rebeccasheperd.cabionline.com. Mention the Divorce Conversations for Women Podcast and get a free one-hour closet consultation.
Resources Mentioned:
Tapping Into Your Inner Beauty: Let it Shine From Within
Rebecca’s Website
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Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Empowering yourself to make wise and informed choices regarding finances as you are going through divorce is one of the key factors as you are stepping into independence.
Gaylene Stingl has over 25 years experience in providing business management, tax and financial consulting to individuals and small businesses. She is a Certified Public Accountant, Certified Valuation Analyst, and has a Masters of Science in Taxation.
In this episode, we talk about empowering yourself, gaining knowledge, and confidence to make informed decisions in divorce settlements. Women typically struggle to understand the financial aspect of the process.
We break down the new tax law, settlement when a business is involved, and the different models of reaching a settlement and completing the divorce process.
Our goal is to help women become self sustaining. And it all begins by empowering yourself by...
- Learning how to ask the right questions
- Learning how to find the answers
More about our Guest:
Gaylene Stingl, MST, CPA, CVA
Blau Himmel LLC
www.blau-himmel.com
262-408-8888
Visit The Women's Financial Wellness Center for a full directory listing of experts.
https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com/our-supporters
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
There is a quote by Beverly Ingall that I want to share with you. “Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take its place.”
Why is it that when we are already down in the dumps, we become our biggest critic? Why is it that when we make a mistake, instead of learning from it, we obsess over it?
To help us go through a divorce, we must all be aware of our self-talk. Our biggest pep talk comes from within us.
I would like to share five tips on managing self talk:
- Acknowledge our past relationship with money
- Identify the situations and topics that can create feelings of shame, guilt and anxiety
- Choose to begin our day with positive affirmations
- Extend grace to yourself
- Be open and intentional to the change process
Listen in as I expand on these tips and help you manage your self-talk. Remember that financial confidence begins with a little pep talk.
In this episode, I have mentioned Kathleen Burns Kingsbury. She is a wealth psychologist, and someone I greatly admire. I had the opportunity to be a guest on her podcast. If you would like to listen in, click the link. http://www.kbkwealthconnection.com/financial-psychology/financial-literacy-poverty/
In the meantime, be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
One thing is for sure. Going through a divorce is overwhelming. It is a heavy, arduous thing to go through. And the question that floods our mind is, “What do I do now?”
The first step I always tell my clients is to identify your strengths. When you do, you can use your strengths as leverage and tackle this situation in a more logical and empowered way.
There are two key factors when seeking financial knowledge.
- Get acquainted with the facts of your specific situation
- Become familiar with financial terminology
With these two things in mind, we can get started on what course to take on this journey. If you are looking for a book to read on this topic, I highly recommend grabbing a copy of Smart Women Finish Rich by David Bach.
If you are curious to know your strengths, you make take the Strength Finder 2.0 assessment online.
In the meantime, be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
Let’s be real. Contacting a divorce attorney may be hard enough, but asking the real questions may be harder. When a woman goes through a divorce, it’s hard to stay focused on what to ask and what not to.
To help our listeners, I have listed some essential questions to ask your attorney.
- What is your hourly rate?
- How much is the upfront retainer?
- How much do you bill?
- Do you exclusively practice family law?
- What is exactly the process?
- What is your philosophy?
- What is your post-divorce follow-up process?
- Would you consider yourself a low-conflict or litigation attorney?
- Are you familiar with the judges in my county?
Overwhelming? It really shouldn't be. Listen in as I dig step-by-step into these questions. If we ask the right questions, we will get the right answers.
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.
I have worked with a lot of clients throughout the years. But working with women has always been special for me. And women who are going through divorce need more support, especially when it comes to finances.
Which is why I have given birth to this podcast. It is to be the go-to resource for increasing financial clarity for women going through divorce. With this podcast, I want to cover everything from the practical side, such as financial wellness, questions to ask lawyers, increasing cash flow, to the emotional side, such as maintaining creativity at work and redefining your life’s purpose.
Let this podcast be a support to women who are going through this tough time and help them make wise decisions.
Be sure to reach out if you would like to connect personally with The Women’s Financial Wellness Center. You can visit our website at https://www.womensfinancialwellnesscenter.com or grab a complimentary 30-minute consult at http://bit.ly/dashboardwfwc.