Work Mom Says, Don't Be An Idiot!: Recent Episodes
Work Mom Says
We’re going to be talking to young professionals about their WTF moments, sticky situations and bad bosses. And we’ll sprinkle in ways you can be strategic about your behavior at work, so you get more of what you want from your career.
It’s never too early to start building a solid career, so Work Mom is sharing a few key ways to jumpstart your career BEFORE you get into the workforce. From joining professional student organizations to being a continuous learner to finding a strong, intergenerational network of peers and mentors, there are tons of ways to start your career right now.
Themes discussed in this episode* Jumpstarting your career while still in college * Professional student organizations get your foot in the door * LinkedIn is your best friend * Trade organizations expand your network * The power of intergenerational networking * Be a continuous learner
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
1:00 – Getting involved = getting your foot in the door: Joining professional student organizations for your industry is a game-changer for finding internships, mentors, and opportunities.
1:45 – LinkedIn. LinkedIn. LinkedIn.: Start your LinkedIn account by your third year and connect with any adult you know. You never know who could connect you with your first opportunity.
4:00 – The power of intergenerational networking: When you form close connections with peers with decades of experience, you can ask them for advice or even a new opportunity when things go wrong.
6:30 – Reluctant networkers unite: If you’re introverted or just hate networking, check out our recent interview with the Reluctant Networker Greg Peters for his foolproof ways to get the most out of networking.
8:30 – Be a continuous learner: Learning about business etiquette, behavior, and mindset will get you far. From there, continue learning everything you can to elevate your skills, abilities, and emotional intelligence.
Top Quotes1:00 – When you get to campus, you should start looking into student trade organizations and get involved. It will have you meeting people who are in your field, your peers, and leaders in the industry.
2:00 – It’s not a bad idea to connect with your parents and your parents’ friends, uncles, or aunts. Anybody you know who’s an adult in business will help you grow your network on LinkedIn.
3:00 – “In the Women’s Ad Club, I found a group of women that, when things were going sideways, I could go to and say, “What do you guys do when this happens?” I mean, I was twenty-three, twenty-four years old, and some women in their fifties had great answers for me.”
6:00 – “When I got my pay cut, I got home, picked up the phone, and called a couple of my girlfriends…I was employed within two weeks, moved right into that new job, never got laid off, and recovered from that bit of early career trauma without a lot of muss and fuss because I knew people.”
8:30 – “When you’re a continuous learner, you’ll move more, you’ll learn more, you’ll meet more people. Your career will continue to elevate. You’ll elevate your skills, your abilities, and your emotional intelligence.“
Resources mentioned in this episodeConnect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!
Transcript00:00Hello, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Today, we’re going to talk about things you can do while you’re still in college and immediately afterwards to really jumpstart your career. Most of us pick an industry. We try to get into it, but we pick the industry while we’re in college.
So while you’re still in college, get some experience in your industry—a couple of things. If you’re not a club joiner, start joining those clubs. Most industries do have student chapters of their major trade organizations. There are ad clubs, if that’s your thing. There are manufacturing clubs, there are engineering clubs.
Most of the universities and colleges will have organizations that are student chapters of national professional organizations. As soon as you get to campus, you should start looking into those specific organizations and get involved. It will have you meeting people that are in your field, your peers, as well as people that are leaders in the industry.
01:00And it will help you maintain and get access to internships, student apprenticeships, opportunities that you may not hear about if all you’re doing is going to class, taking your finals, writing your papers, doing your productions, whatever it is, and going home, you really want to use that extracurricular time, at least the last two years that you’re there, to grow your reputation, grow your skills, add to your resume, and make connections. That’s number one.
Number two, start your LinkedIn account while you’re still in college. Again, by your third year, you should be putting up a LinkedIn account, putting in volunteer things that you’ve done, jobs you’ve had, making sure your resume is there.
Make sure you use industry keywords. I mean, if you Google how to prepare and present a solid LinkedIn profile, you will find some great advice there. So I won’t go too deep into it here. But there are experts you can follow.
Get on LinkedIn, start using it, start connecting with people you know. And I’m going to tell you, it’s not a bad idea to connect with your parents and your parents’ friends, uncles, aunts, anybody that you know that’s an adult in business will help you grow your network on LinkedIn. It’s a great place to start looking for internships, micro internships, things like that. So make sure you are on LinkedIn.
02:00Now, when you are just getting out of college, stick with that approach of being involved in organizations and staying on the business social media. Because once you get out of college, you can actually join the professional organizations.
And I’ll tell you a story. When I first got into the advertising business, which is what I do now, I had a boss that told me that I needed to join two or three of the local trade organizations. There were a couple of different ad clubs. There was a women’s ad club. There was the Adcraft Club of Detroit. And then there were some marketing communication type organizations.
And I joined three different ones and I went to their meetings and I got on their committees. I think I even served on the board. I think when I was twenty seven or twenty eight, I was president of the Detroit chapter of the Women’s Advertising Club because I started right out of college.
I did their newsletter. I did, I served on committees. I actually, you know, created events and worked as a volunteer. And I built up a lot of skills. I grew my writing skills. I grew my production skills. And then I could put together a newsletter, my interview skills because I’d interview people. I also learned how to network effectively.
03:00And it gave me a group of people in the Women’s Ad Club in particular, It gave me a group of women that when things were going sideways, I could go to them and say, what do you guys do when this happens? I mean, I was twenty-three, twenty-four years old and there were women that were in their fifties that had great answers for me.
I remember at one point, I was getting somewhat sexually harassed by a client, and I had no idea what to say. And back then it was a little it was something that you didn’t want to even acknowledge had happened because as a woman, you felt like you may have somehow contributed to it. That’s the way we were socialized. We were socialized that way, trust me. The eighties and nineties were not so good for women’s growth and development. It was a really difficult time, but I didn’t want to talk to my boss or much less the client.
04:00So I had a group of women that were thirty years older than me that were able to give me advice on how to handle it with finesse in a way that wouldn’t get me in trouble, that wouldn’t alienate the client, that would put distance between me and the client. And that would allow me to continue to work in a professional fashion without being sidelined by somebody else’s behavior.
So those kinds of things are really, really important. So I cannot overestimate the power of going to events and volunteering for committees, getting involved in organizations as soon as you get out of college and stick with it. Join the committees, go to all the meetings, really get to know the people in that group.
And the other advantage I’ll tell you about that I will never forget is when you’re networking like that, if something bad happens, you have the ability to ask those people, something happens at your job. You, you know, you’re going to get laid off.
05:00You can call them and say, Hey, you know, our company’s going down. Something really strange is happening. And, and we’re, you know, they’re, we hear they’re cutting the payroll budget and, You know, that kind of thing. You can call your friends that you met in your networking groups and say, hey, I’m looking for a new position.
I had to do that once. I took a new job. I was recruited by a headhunter, which kind of implies that the company has some money because headhunters are not cheap. And within six weeks on the job, we heard the major financial partner was coming in and cutting budget because we were in a massive sales slump and that he was going to start with payroll.
Now, what that means is they’re going to start cutting pay. And he went person to person to person all day one day and told us each how much less we were going to be worth when we came in the next morning. And it was between twenty and thirty percent. It was incredibly painful for everyone that was on that team.
06:00However, I was able to when I got my pay cut, got home, picked up the phone, called a couple of my girlfriends. And one of them said, hey, Tom’s looking for somebody just like you at this other facility in town. And I was able to go over there. I was employed within two weeks, moved right into that new job, never got laid off and was able to really recover from that bit of, you know, early career trauma. without a lot of muss and fuss because I knew people.
Now, if you’re an introvert, then you want to go back and listen to the, there’s an earlier episode of Work Mom Says at workmomsays.com about networking. If you are an introvert and networking scares the hell out of you, get a partner, network with someone else, look for a friend that will go with you, plan out your networking, practice your networking.
07:00Do it regularly. Go to luncheons. Go to dinners. Go to breakfast. Go to coffee. Go to events. And learn how to network by actually networking. And what will happen is you’ll figure out that there are things that you can say that light people up, things that you can say that people are immediately more interested in what you’re saying if you drop the line or two, you know, that you’ll figure out what it is that you say that has people perking up and paying attention.
And networking is really not that hard. It might feel like it, but it really isn’t, especially if you can partner network with someone. That makes it one hundred fifty thousand times easier. So, another suggestion is partner networking and other things that you can do after just getting out of college.
Study business etiquette. Look into EQ, how you should perform while you’re at work, how you should think about your work. Read career books and career advice because it will help you see things in a way that you may not just coming out of college.
08:00And there is a certain way that you should be looking at work. It’s different than college. It’s different than your McDonald’s job or whatever job you did while you were in high school, babysitting, nannying, whatever it is. The business realm is much, much different.
So you want to make sure that you spend some time studying and learning what that business etiquette is so that you are able to present as the best possible image for yourself and be the best possible person.
So that’s the last thing I’ll tell you here is to be a continuous learner. And the first thing you should start with is basic business etiquette, behavior, and mindset. And those topics will get you really far.
09:00And from there, just recycle, you know, what do they say? Lather, rinse, repeat, keep doing it over and over. You’ll move more, you’ll learn more, you’ll meet more people. And and your career will continue to elevate. You’ll elevate your skills, your abilities, and your emotional intelligence.
So that’s what I’ve got for you today. I hope you enjoyed it. Please visit my website at workmomsays.com. If you’re interested in having me interview someone or you think you have a great topic that I should cover, I’d love to hear from you.
10:00I also have a YouTube channel, Work Mom Says, where I have daily videos that are the chapters of my book, Work Mom Says Don’t Be an Idiot, Thirty-Eight Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the Hard Way. So go over to YouTube, hit the subscribe button. Have a look at what I’ve got going over there. And we’d love to see you there as well.
Again, if you have any ideas for subjects or any questions, I’d love to hear from you in the comments there as well. So that’s what I’ve got for you. Have a great day. Know that Work Mom is here for you. You can do this. Take care.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 39: Kick-Starting Your Career When You’re Just Starting Out appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
Shit happens at work, but what matters most is how well you handle situations that go horribly wrong. Work Mom shares her step-by-step approach for effectively addressing and solving workplace mishaps.
Themes discussed in this episode* Get the facts straight first (without emotion) * Throw yourself at their mercy * How one store failed to problem-solve and lost a customer in the process * Collaboration is key when problem-solving * Conduct a post-mortem
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
1:00: Facts ONLY: First, do a factual audit of what happened, and calmly get all the facts without blaming anyone or being overly dramatic. During this stage, you’ll also identify the right person to manage the situation, whether that’s you, your boss, or a coworker.
2:00: Honestly is always the best policy: Once you have all the facts, admit what happened to the impacted party as soon as possible. Express your regret and move to a solution mindset.
4:00: Making good: Whenever you mess up, always work with the impacted party to figure out how to make it right.
5:30: Post-mortem: Once the situation has been resolved and everyone is calm, get the group together and go over what happened. Ask what happened, how we solved it, what we can do in the future to avoid a repeat, etc.
Top Quotes2:00: In my experience, the best possible thing you can do is throw yourself at someone’s mercy. Own up to what happened as soon as you possibly can. Tell the truth in all of its gory detail.
4:30: You have to come up with a way to make good. When you mess something up, it’s best to work with the person on the receiving end of that problem, the one that was impacted, and work together to figure out what to do to fix it.
5:40: It will serve you on a personal level to follow those steps. It will serve you on a business level to follow those steps. You can be the leader in solving problems by being an honest, authentic, open, and apologetic person.
6:00: So when something really horrible happens, tell yourself right away, well, here’s my opportunity to practice how to handle difficult situations because you will experience many difficult situations in your career.
6:30: You go at it with a collaborative approach. armed with your intention to solve the problem and to prevent it from happening again, and you will be better off.
Resources mentioned in this episodeConnect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!
Transcript00:00Hello, everyone. I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Today, we are going to talk about what to do when things go horribly wrong, and they will.
They may go horribly wrong in the context of you making a horrible mistake and having to own up to it and figure out how to solve it. They may go wrong in the context of one of your coworkers doing something that they made a big mistake and you’re the one that gets to deal with it with the customer.
A delivery that was supposed to get to the company didn’t make it on time. Something got broken, somebody, you know, something got broadcast that maybe was inappropriate.
Basically, shit happens, and you may get stuck in the firestorm of that shit. It happens at the office. It will happen to you. It happens to everybody. So accept that. And if it hasn’t happened to you yet, it will. So go ahead and accept the fact that it will happen and get to solving it.
01:00So when something goes horribly wrong, one of the first things I advise people to do is to take a serious review of what the current situation is with no emotions. What are the facts? What happened?
And in a work environment, sometimes there are cultures where people like to blame each other. We don’t blame. What you want to do is you want to figure out what happened and maybe why. But quickly, when it first happens, you have to get about solving it as well. So you get everybody together. You figure out what the facts are, what happened and why.
And then you figure out who the right person is to manage the challenge. If it’s just you and you made a mistake and you’re talking to your boss, that’s going to be a different type of response than if it’s your whole team that made a mistake or you’ve got a whole team that’s responsible for something. And maybe your boss is the right person to manage that, or maybe you are. So, if it’s just you, you have to own up to something that happened.
02:00In my experience, the best possible thing you can do is throw yourself at someone’s mercy. Own up to what happened as soon as you possibly can. Tell the truth in all of its gory detail. Express your feelings and emotions. Usually that means you’re regretful. I am so sorry. Here’s what happened and why.
And then ask, how can we make this right? What would you like to do to help solve this problem? How can we fix this for you? How can I make good on this thing that I did that may not have been suited to the company or the mistake that I made? And you want to avoid accusing or blaming anybody.
One of the most important things to do is do again, a factual audit of what happened. And then you’re going to move to solutions pretty quickly. So you move to solution mindset and go, okay, what can we do to fix this?
03:00And I’ll give you an example here. My husband is a regular customer of a particular store brand. And they give him points based on how much he buys. And then he can take those points and turn them into dollars off of a future purchase. And he got to the point with this particular brand where he was so excited that he was almost up to $100 in his points. And he was like super excited about it.
So he went online this morning to shop. And he saw that, oh, guess what? We got bought by another company. And now we’ve changed our rewards, our point system, our customer rewards program. And now you only have less than $50 in your rewards account. no notice, nothing.
So he calls the store, the retail store, and they say, Oh, we got bought. There’s nothing we can do, but here’s who you can call and get in touch with her email. So he sends an email to the, you know, the company that bought the smaller organization and they got back to him with an email that said, Oh, Well, here’s our new customer rewards program. In case you don’t understand it, please contact somebody at the retail store.
04:00Well, the person at the retail store, all they could say was that company, you know, the ownership said this was our new program. And all the ownership said was go to the retailer and they’ll tell you about our new program. So he was completely frustrated and mad and ready to take all of his, you know, sizable purchases moving forward to a different store.
And that makes sense. They don’t know how to handle an angry customer. They don’t know how to handle a mistake. It was a mistake to change the rewards program. So every loyal customer lost. And not announce it ahead of time. Now, they made that mistake worse by not owning it and making good.
You have to come up with a way to make good. When you mess something up, it’s best to work with the person on the receiving end of that problem, the one that was impacted, and work together to figure out what to do to fix it. Well, what would you like me to do to make this right? And that’s going to vary by situation.
05:00So when things go horribly wrong, honesty is the best policy, always. Keeping your cool and talking specifically in facts is number two. Not blaming anyone is number three. That means you look for the facts, you find out what worked and what didn’t work. You don’t go, whose fault was this? Number four, you get to solving the problem, preferably collaboratively with the person that was most impacted by the problem.
And then number five, it’s always good to do what they call a post-mortem, which is when you look at what happened, everybody’s calm. You don’t wait too long because you don’t want people’s memories to fail. But you give it a couple of days and then you get the whole group together and go, all right, that’s behind us now. What happened? How can we solve it? Is everybody okay? What can we do better next time?
And it will serve you on a personal level to follow those steps. It will serve you on a business level to follow those steps. And you can be the leader in solving problems by being that honest, authentic, open, apologetic person. There are a lot of people that don’t know how to do that or they don’t understand the importance of it. The only way you get better at it, at dealing with problems, being authentic, being truthful, going into problem solving mode is through practice.
06:00So when something really horrible happens, tell yourself right away, well, here’s my opportunity to practice how to handle difficult situations because you will experience many difficult situations in your career.
So this is a real short episode, but I just wanted to get that out there. When things go horribly wrong, there are specific steps you can take. You go at it with a collaborative approach. armed with your intention to solve the problem and to prevent it from happening again, and you will be better off.
And the more it happens, the better off you’ll be, the more you’ll know about how to be that creative problem solver that can go into challenging situations when things go horribly wrong. make it come out on the other side in a way that’s positive and everyone learns from it. So that’s what I’ve got for you today.
07:00If you are listening on one of the podcast platforms, please drop me some stars. I’d love to hear from you there as well. So drop me some stars, and some comments, and also visit my website at workmomsays.com. We have blogs there. We have the entire catalog of all of our episodes, even the first silly ones where all we did was laugh. Then we got a little bit more serious and we hope to give you some really solid advice.
So go to workmomsays.com. I have a contact form there. I would love to hear from you. Tell me who you’d like to have on the show, what topics you’d like me to cover, what questions you have, and reach out to me.
I’m also on LinkedIn as an open networker. So Lori Jo Vest on LinkedIn, I would love to hear from you. Just make mention that you are a listener to the podcast.
08:00And I also have a YouTube channel where I’m going through right now, 38 days of work mom. And so it’s every chapter in my work mom says, don’t be an idiot book. here available on Amazon. There’s videos on each of the chapters on YouTube. I’m kind of right in the middle of creating that series.
So look for it there, subscribe on YouTube, like my videos, comment, give me some love there as well. And I’ll be back with more helpful, useful information for young professionals very soon. Take care.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 38 – When Things Go Horribly Wrong appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
In the latest episode, join Work Mom Lori Jo Vest for a special conversation about mental toughness with chef, influencer, and healthy cooking coach Jacqueline Laurencelle. They will discuss the many benefits of mental toughness and ways to build it, and they will recommend a few resources to help you get started.
Themes discussed in this episode* What is mental toughness * Jacqueline Laurencelle’s mental toughness journey * Benefits of mental toughness * Discipline vs Motivation * Tools for building mental toughness * Rather than wallowing, ask yourself what lesson you can learn
Featured GuestExpert Guest: Jacqueline Laurencelle
What She Does: Jacqueline is a classically French-trained Chef, social media influencer, and healthy cooking coach. She’s on a mission to make healthy cooking accessible, fun, sexy, and delicious through her wellness brand and her TV show, Jacqueline Cooks!
Connect: You can find her on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and her website.
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
2:00 – Start of her journey: While walking down the stairs during a fire evacuation, Jacqueline experienced so much pain that she wasn’t sure she could get to the bottom. This prompted her to start working out for her health, which kickstarted her journey.
7:00 – What is mental toughness: It is choosing to do difficult things to increase your capacity for resilience
11:00 – Benefits of mental toughness: It will help you tolerate failure, reduce your anxiety, and fear, and help you embrace and overcome obstacles.
16:00 – Motivation vs discipline: Discipline is more important than motivation because with discipline, you will just go do it. If you’re waiting to get motivated, you’ll wait forever.
20:30 – Tools for building mental toughness: Build habits and a morning routine that you will commit to and can do every day. Whether it’s doing the morning pages, affirmations, gratitude journaling, or starting your day with a workout, find what works for you and stick to it.
32:00 – Lessons: Instead of wallowing when something negative happens, mental toughness helps you swap your mindset to “what can we learn from this experience?”
Top Quotes8:10 – Mental toughness is choosing to do things that are difficult, that are good for you, in order to expand your capacity for resilience.
11:00 – It’s cyclical. The more mental toughness you get, the more tenacious you’ll get. The more you tolerate failure, the more mentally tough you get. The more mentally tough you get, the more you can tolerate failure.
11:50 – I can promise you that the more mentally tough you get, the less anxiety and fear you will have. It won’t just help you push past it. It will help it decrease in your life.
16:35 – If you respect yourself, that’s what self-love is. And doing things that are good for you is what brings those things about.
17:00 – Your current situation is exactly what you’re committed to because you’re doing everything that supports your current situation.
20:40 – So I started super beginner so I wouldn’t get sore and ease into it. And then I just started to feel better because more endorphins were happening. So humbling myself a little bit, and really starting at the beginning was a crucial tool.
22:30 – I also made a decision to let go of being a victim…Like I got this one life to live and what am I going to do with it? I got to go out and do something. I can’t just sit here and exist anymore. I can’t do it.
24:00 – I’ve decided that in order to build a strong habit, I’m going to have to push really hard at first and do it every day so that it feels weird not to do it.
29:30 – You can act yourself into a better way of thinking, and think yourself into a better way of acting. So if you’re in doubt, take action.
30:45 – Choose your hard.
32:00 – Mental toughness is also about learning to see life from the perspective of what are the lessons I’m learning that will help me be a better person?
34:00 – Recognize that wallowing in the past or worrying about the future is where all the pain is. The present is the only thing you have any control over anyway.
Resources mentioned in this episodeConnect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!
Find the resources that Jacqueline mentioned in the episode below:
- 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class by Steve Siebold
- The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday
- Sunrise Manifesto journal Transcript0:00
Hello, everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest. I so appreciate you joining us for this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Today, we are talking to one of my dear friends, Jacqueline Laurencelle on the subject of mental toughness.
Jacqueline is what I would call: she’s exploding onto the scene as a social media influencer and healthy cooking coach. She’s working on a television series. She’s got all kinds of wonderful things going on and a fabulous transformation story that has her talking about mental toughness, which I know is important in the business world.
If you cannot buck up and handle what’s happening in a way that’s non-emotional, if you can’t get your stuff done because you can’t hold yourself together to do it, you will not be successful. It will impact your success. So this is a really important subject and one of my favorites. So Jacqueline, welcome to the show. Tell us a little about yourself.
1:00 Jacqueline – Hi, Lori. Thank you so much for having me. Hello, everyone. As she said, my name is Jacqueline Laurencelle. I hail from the Detroit area of Michigan. I grew up outside of Detroit, and I now live in Chicago. I am a classically French-trained chef, which was actually a second career for me. I originally worked in social work and pastoral ministry and then decided that I wanted to do something a little more creative.
And so the work that I’m getting ready to do now with the show that you mentioned and my social media and health and wellness transformation coaching will bring all of those things together in my life. So I’m very excited about all of the things that the future holds.
2:00 Lori – Oh, it’s been an amazing thing to watch over the last three or four months as this has been coming together and You’re on TikTok and Instagram and all the different channels. So tell us why you are on this journey. When and how did it start?
Jacqueline – Sure. It was the day before my 52nd birthday, which was about 14 months ago now. And there was a fire in the condo building that I lived in. And when we were evacuated, I had to walk down 20 flights of stairs with two dogs and a backpack. and I have to be honest I was pretty uh confident overly confident like oh I can do this because I had also packed a suitcase and I thought well I’ll take the dogs first and drop off the backpack which had all the valuables and the passports and the cash and all that kind of stuff I’ll drop that off and then I’ll go back up and get my suitcase.
3:00 Yeah. About five floors into going down the stairs, I was in a lot of pain. I was hurting. I couldn’t breathe. I was a mess. And I was like thinking to myself, I just want to get down. I don’t even know if I’m able to get down these stairs. Like what am I going to do? I have to get down. And because there’s no one coming to get me, right? There’s no elevator. There’s no option. The only way I’m getting out is to walk down these stairs.
So I got to the bottom barely and I was in so much pain and I could barely walk. And I was about 100 pounds overweight. And I just something happened inside me that day of like something has to change. I’m not getting any younger. I can’t keep going on like this. It was like for the first time it really became not about vanity anymore and just about like I have to be able to function in my life.
And so that kind of started, that was a little spark or the catalyst or that thing that happens in your life, an event that happens that you say to yourself, okay, something needs to be different. I need to do things differently.
4:00 Lori: So that’s really the story of how it got started. Right. And how’s it going?
Jacqueline: Yeah. Well, I was going to say within, it took a couple of weeks for me to kind of pull everything together. And I just started and I promised myself I was going to start working out. And I said, even if I never lose a pound, I have to start working out for my health, for my aging, you know, muscle mass, all of that. So it has now been 14 months and I’m down 85 pounds.
Lori: Awesome. That’s amazing. That’s tough. That is tough.
Jacqueline: It is, but for the first time in my life, it’s not as hard as it used to be. And I think a lot of it comes to the topic of what we’re talking about today, which is the fact that throughout this process, I have been building mental toughness. So I have to say it is easier than it was when I started. And now that I see it as a lifestyle and I see it as there is no end game.
5:00 People keep asking me like, what’s my goal weight? I don’t have one. I don’t know what that is. And I don’t care what the number on the scale says. I care that when I get to whatever that goal is, a weight goal, it’ll be the next goal, right? What’s my flexibility? Can I do a handstand? Can I, whatever, whatever it’s going to be, you know, that I realized it’s just, it’s not about going on or off a diet. It really is about figuring out how to make this my life so that I can live a better life. And mental toughness was a huge part of it.
Lori: I think mental toughness, tell me if I’m wrong, but a lot of times when you’re starting a great big transformation journey like that, a lot of us want to do that. But to start part of that mental toughness is in the support you put around yourself, right?
Jacqueline: You know, it’s interesting. I don’t really feel like I had a lot of support. Yeah. And I didn’t. And I’m one of those people, because I had gained and lost weight so many times. And let’s be honest, weight is a very public, visual issue.
6:00 So you can’t hide it. And I had gained and lost weight, lost and gained weight back so many times. I wasn’t going to tell anybody because I, I didn’t, I didn’t want to go through the humiliation again of, and also I’m a little superstitious of like, okay, don’t want to jinx it.
Lori: Love that. Love that. I’m the same way.
Jacqueline: Yeah. So I was like, I’m just going to do my thing. So I started and I lost about 20 pounds on my own. And then I found a program and I have a code, you know, I have an online coach and there’s weekly zoom calls and, And there’s a big group of ladies and we support each other. So I did get support from them once I would say I got started.
But in my regular life, I just kind of decided to just keep it quiet and not really talk about it because I feel like I wanted to because I realized it wasn’t really about that. It was just about me trying to figure it out for myself. But that’s what I would say where. um yes the group of women that I ended up being supported by definitely helped to promote me and motivate me.
7:00 But I i do think mental toughness though in many ways is a solo journey you have to put the work in daily for yourself and no one can do it for you and no matter how many great quotes you get and I believe me I am following all of them on instagram and get 50 of them a day and they’re great And that’s wonderful for a second. It makes you feel good. But you still got to put in the work every day to get mentally stronger.
Lori: Absolutely. So let’s talk about what is mental toughness. Now, I think of it as, you know, I looked it up and I tried to find like, what is it? And there’s a lot of different facets to it. What first came up was the word grit. which I think is kind of cool. But how do you define it?
Jacqueline: I define mental toughness as… Okay, so… I was having this conversation with someone about resilience versus mental toughness and are they the same thing? And I said, I think resilience is your ability to handle when something in life unexpected happens to you. How resilient you are is your ability to get through it, handle it.
8:00 But mental toughness for me is choosing to do things that are difficult in order to expand your capacity for resilience. So let me say that again.
Lori: Okay, say it again.
Jacqueline: Mental toughness is choosing to do things that are difficult, that are good for you, in order to expand your capacity for resilience.
Lori: Okay. I like that a lot. I like that a lot.
Jacqueline: So that’s why, you know, people laugh at me, but I do cold plunges. That’s why I get up at four o’clock in the morning that I did not used to do. And I do my books every day. I don’t want to get up at four o’clock in the morning. Who wants to get up at four o’clock in the morning? Especially when it’s zero out. I live in Chicago. Nobody.
9:00 But here’s the thing. By doing that every day, because then, because with that time, I’m investing in me. I’m doing meditation. I’m reading things that are expanding my mind and challenging me to grow and doing journaling. And then I go and do my workouts. I don’t want to do my workout every morning at 5 or 5.30. Nope. Not interested. But that’s how you gain mental toughness.
And that expands your capacity resilience so that when life punches you in the face, because it will, it’s going to punch everybody in the face. Just a little side note, anybody who believes that life is fair, you were lied to. Whoever told you that, lied. Lied, lied, lied. Life is not fair. It’s not designed to be fair. And we shouldn’t even be trying to make it fair. It’s just not how it works. It’s how we are resilient or mentally tough enough to gain a larger capacity for resilience, be able to handle it and move forward. So that’s what I would say my definition of mental toughness is.
10:00 Lori: I love it. I love it. A couple other things that came up in looking up the definition was the ability to persevere despite obstacles, which means if you get up and you have a little cold, you still work out.
Jacqueline: I would say embrace your obstacles. Yeah. I would say the more mentally tough you are, the more you will embrace obstacles and actually not see, you’re not necessarily always going to seek them out, but you’re going to not be afraid of them or run away from them.
Lori: Exactly. Like I think of myself, I broke my ankle about three years ago, getting the mail, went out to the mailbox, broke my ankle. And the first thing I asked the doctor after I got the boot is how soon can I ride the Peloton? Because I got myself a Peloton five years ago, and part of my happiness is getting on that bike. And I knew if I could push past it, I rode that thing with a boot. It was great. It was fine. I didn’t stand up, but I rode it with a boot.
11:00 Being able to tolerate failure. Yep. Fear and anxiety, refusing to give in until you succeed, like continuing day after day toward your goal. All of those things require mental toughness, right?
Jacqueline: They do. And it’s one of those things where it’s cyclical. Like the more mental toughness you get, the more tenacious you’ll get. The more you tolerate failure, the more mentally tough you get. The more mentally tough you get, the more you can tolerate failure.
And the other thing about fear and anxiety, because we know that the younger generation really struggles with a lot of anxiety. And what I would say is the more mentally tough… Mental toughness is a choice. You choose… to make yourself mentally tougher. You choose to do hard things when you don’t want to. That is what will make you mentally tougher.
And I can promise you that the more mentally tough you get, the less anxiety and fear you will have. It won’t just help you push past it. It will help it decrease in your life.
12:00 Yeah. That’s huge. And I don’t think people are told that. I think they’re just trying to constantly manage anxiety and not realize you can actually lessen it.
Lori: Absolutely. And honestly, this isn’t a therapy show. However, if you are suffering with a lot of fear and anxiety, there are therapists out there that can really help you. There’s a lot to be done. So if you suffer it and you can’t get past it with mental toughness, know that sometimes you’ll need a little help.
Cognitive-based therapy, talk therapy, some of that kind of thing is really important and will help you push through those kind of things that are brought on by either trauma, medical conditions, that kind of thing. your day-to-day fear and anxiety yeah push through it
Jacqueline: Can I add to that though, with my social work background I would say that I would also add yes do not um avoid or uh therapy like I I’m a huge supporter of therapy but I would say it’s a both and not an either or.
13:00 So you need to go to therapy and you need to go out and take a walk every day, even if it’s for 15 minutes, breathe some fresh air, take some deep breaths, get the sugar and processed food out of your diet. Like those things affect your hormones and your hormones are what affect your anxiety. It’s all together. It’s not one or the other, either or. And they’re not separate there. They really are connected. So do both. Do all the above.
Lori: I have I worked with a guy who had some severe anxiety and he went to a therapist who sent him to a psychiatrist who told him to stop drinking coffee. He stopped drinking coffee and the anxiety went away. So there’s things that you can do. And, you know, if it’s constant, get some help.
Jacqueline: Yeah. It’s all of the above.
Lori: Absolutely. Get help and keep doing those things that help you build that mental toughness. Exactly.
14:00 So how do you build mental toughness? You’ve done this. You’ve gone from, you know, from, like you said, being a lot more… I was 236 pounds. A lot more difficult for you to do what you needed to do. So how did you build the mental toughness that took you to where you are today?
Jacqueline: Well, I would say creating a routine and sticking to it. And the thing is, is keeping your word to yourself. We… people so often we talk about you know keep your word to other people right when you say you’re going to do something do it but it’s amazing particularly women how we just don’t think it’s worth it we don’t think we’re important enough to keep our word to ourselves and here’s the thing if you don’t keep your word to yourself that means ultimately you don’t respect yourself right.
And so when you start to keep your word to yourself, which is, again, doing what you don’t want to do, but it’s good for you. It’s doing things you don’t want to do that are good for you and not doing things that are bad for you when you really want to do them. Even when they’re fun. The strength, my coach often says, the strength is in the restraint. It’s in the restraint.
15:00 And so when there are things that you know you really shouldn’t be doing for yourself, like you don’t need that second piece of cake. Or maybe that day you don’t need a piece of cake at all because you had a piece of cake the day before. That’s the restraint.
Or the idea of there’s freedom in the structure. He says that too. There’s freedom in structure. So creating structure for yourself. And I struggle with that because I am like a fly by the seat of her pants kind of girl. And structure has always felt very like suffocating. Yeah. But I realized by balancing having some structure, and it’s helped me accomplish a lot more. So that builds discipline and discipline.
16:00 I just talked about this the other day in my stair chat about motivation versus discipline. And the truth is discipline is more important than motivation. Now if you’re waiting to get motivated, you’re gonna be waiting a real long time. You just have to go out and do it even when you don’t want to do it which is what discipline is and then that builds the mental toughness and then the motivation comes because then you start to see results. You start to feel better about yourself. You start to have some self-respect And you don’t want to give that up.
Once you start to really feel that and feel, to me, self-love is really about self-respect. If you respect yourself, that’s what self-love is. And doing things that are good for you is what brings those things about.
Lori: Yeah. I know we’re reading a book in our book club by Benjamin Hardy, and he talks about how your current situation is what you are committed to. Interesting. Your current situation is exactly what you’re committed to because you’re doing everything that supports your current situation.
17:00 So if you’re committed to something else, well, then you need to give up some of your current habits and things to get to that space. And this applies in all kinds of things. It’s not just weight loss or healthy living. It can be getting that degree. Like maybe you’ve been out of college for five or six years and you really want to get your master’s. Start now. The most important thing you can do is start.
Jacqueline: And I struggle with that. Like I have to have the perfect conditions or I’m like, I can’t do it. And then I’m like, nope, just start. And you’ll make start. And here’s the best part of them. The thing is, is that’s the fear of failure. We don’t start because we’re afraid to fail. And we have to remind ourselves the only way we learned how to walk is to fall down. That’s how we learned over and over again.
But it was interesting you were saying that current situation because I always say to people, don’t tell me what your values are. Where you put your time, your energy, and your money is what you value. So if you really want to know what you value, spend some time reflecting on where do I spend my time, my energy, and my money, and then you’ll know what you value. Doesn’t matter what you say.
18:00 Lori: So true. So let’s go back. Let’s jump around a little bit, but talk about the tools for mental toughness. One of the things that I do every day and I, and part of it is I’m kind of a chaotic, I’m kind of a chaotic ADHD kind of human. Okay. I’m in a lot of groups. I’m in a lot, but the one I joined during the pandemic, I think is the one that’s been the most life changing.
And it was started by a woman, um, at the beginning. Like, I think it was like April or May of 2020 and people were struggling to get out of bed. Things were so chaotic and crazy. Exactly. Drinking wine. Um, And she started two accountability, what she calls accountability labs. And we meet, there was one at 6.30 and one at 7.07. The 6.31 has disbanded since people went back to the office. But those of us who stay are in the 7.07 group. We meet every single day.
19:00 And we make a commitment personally, professionally, and a mindset. Monday through Friday. Monday through Friday. But every single Monday through Friday, 7.07. Bedhead. Runny mascara. Like what if you go on vacation? If you go on vacation, you might not go, but like my hair is always like all messed up and, and I’ve got the, you know, I, and I’m in my pajamas and it makes such a difference.
I went from doing my little, I’m going to be a solopreneur on the sofa to now I have an office and I have, you know, five employees and, you know, we’re growing this agency. And I don’t know, I, as far as mental toughness, I, I talk about what I need to learn. And I really need the accountability from other people.
Because for example, yesterday I said I would do my weight training workout on my morning call. About 8.30, I hadn’t done it yet. So trust me, I didn’t want to come this morning and say I didn’t. So I got my weights out and I did my workout at 8.30 and it was perfect. So there’s a lot of things that, tools that might work for you. So what tools worked for you?
20:00 Jacqueline: Oh gosh. Well, I would say part of it that worked for me, which is going to sound odd, but when I started working out, I had been an athlete for a lot of my life. Okay. So when I started working out, I went to a beginner program for people who had never worked out before on purpose.
One, because I didn’t want to get sore because I knew if I got real sore the first day, like I could do it all the first day. Great. And then I wouldn’t be able to walk for three days, which is what happened when I went down the stairs. And I was like, yeah, and I’ll quit. I know myself. Yeah.
So I started super beginner so I wouldn’t get sore and ease into it. And then I just started to feel better because more endorphins were happening. So that humbling, I would say humbling myself a little bit. Like it. Really starting at the beginning started. That’s also mental toughness is humility is saying, okay, I’m not as, you know, I have some work to do on some things. Yeah.
21:00 I would also say. Like habits. I mean, my morning routine is now it’s a ritual. I call I don’t even call it a routine or it’s a morning ritual. I can’t start like that. I can’t start my day if I don’t spend some time quiet by myself with me and whatever your spirituality is. For me, it’s God. And I spend some time with God and I spend some time getting to a place of gratitude in the morning and doing affirmations and reading the daily stoic that I do.
And those things have been crucial to my ability to be successful. And I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing now because 14 months ago, I had some dreams that someone had told me that I said, if someone had told me I would have left a bad relationship, lost 80 pounds and be doing my dream of starting a TV show, you know, doing it on TV. I would have told them they were absolutely had lost their minds, crazy people. And you must be smoking drugs because that’s never going to happen.
22:00 I was 52. I had given up. I had given up and thought, I’m just, I’m done. So I’m sorry. No, it’s good though. Super stuck and wallowing in a lot of self-pity and victimhood. And that’s the thing. Mental toughness.
I also made a decision to let go of being a victim. I was like, I’m done. I won lots of gold medals in the victimhood Olympics that I gave to myself. And I decided to turn them all back in and say, you know what? Like I got this one life to live and what am I going to do with it? Yeah. I got to go out and do something. I can’t just sit here and exist anymore. I can’t do it.
Lori: Yeah. I love that. Love that.
Jacqueline: That helps in terms of things I did, but it’s practical things. I mean, it’s non-negotiable, and I started to keep my word to myself. And if that’s, you put it on a little calendar yourself and exit off on your fridge, you know, in our app that I am with the ladies, we check off our boxes of our, you know.
23:00 I’m going to tell you to turn off the news. Stop spending lots of time on news and doom scrolling and all of that. You know, those things are just not helpful.
Lori: They’re not helpful at all. I found it’s really useful for me personally to make, like when I need to break a habit. And sugar has always been kind of an emotional, emotion management tool. Yeah. I mean, they say it’s like crack cocaine, right?
Jacqueline: It releases the same dopamine that heroin and yeah.
Lori: So at the beginning of April, I made a commitment to myself that I was going to do 90 days sugar-free. It’s almost the end of June. I broke my sugar fast on my birthday so I could have my pie and ice cream and I got right back on it and I’m still on it till the end of June.
24:00 I kind of think by now it’s just a lifestyle, but a lot of times I’ll do that. Like I did it with the Peloton. I’ve done it with weight training where I’ve decided in order for me to build a strong habit, I’m going to have to push really hard at first, do it every day so that it feels weird not to do it.
And then I have been weight training and on the Peloton for probably four years and weight training for about a year and a half. And I’ve been consistent and I’m seeing results, smaller pants, better energy overall. And that helps you succeed, right?
Jacqueline: Yes. I mean, I, I can say for me, I decided to do sober October last.
Lori: Oh, I love that.
Jacqueline: And, um, I never considered alcohol something. I mean, I enjoy drinking and stuff, but I didn’t go through the COVID started drinking like crazy, gain a bunch of weight. That was not me. I just, not how I’ve ever been a drinker. And I’m not saying I haven’t drank too much at different times in my life. I’m just saying, I’ve never said I had too many one night, but I’m just saying I just wasn’t a big drinker that way.
25:00 But I gave it up in October and I haven’t drank. I’ve had, I had two drinks in November and I have not had a drink since. pretty much at all. So it’s been about eight and a half months. And I don’t know if I’ll drink again because I just know I sleep better. I don’t have to ever worry about a hangover. I don’t, I don’t have to ever worry about my energy level going down, you know, like kind of sad and blue and all that. Cause it is a depressant. And since I had a lot going on in my life at the time, I just realized it wasn’t going to serve me. It wasn’t going to help.
So I agree with you and I do agree. I think it’s easier. I’m going to be honest and I agree with you. When you’re going to do something to make a big habit change, do it all 100%. Like when you’re first learning how to be a different person, be all in, like you said, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days of no sugar or no alcohol, or I’m going to walk every day for 20 minutes, rain or shine. Doesn’t matter.
26:00 Listen, when it was 50 below, when we had some 50 below, I walked the stairs. I walked the, my, I live on the 29th floor of my building and I walked up the stairs and walked the floor and walked up the stairs and walked the floor. Because that’s what I had to do. And I was like, I’m not going to not do something that’s good for me.
Lori: Love it. Love it. Love it. Now you mentioned, um, the daily stoic and some of the stoicism books. If you are listening to this podcast and you have not discovered the stoicism concept, dig in, dig in. Um, there’s such good books, but which ones do you rely on?
Jacqueline: So I do a morning devotional and then I do, and then I pray and meditate. And then I do, I read a passage from the daily stoic by Ryan holiday. I highly recommend it. And then I read a passage from a book called 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class. It’s a mouthful by Steven Siebel. I don’t know. I think I hope I pronounce that correctly. And I do those three every day, every morning.
27:00
There are some days I will do what I know some people know about called the morning pages. If I wake up and I got a lot on my mind that day before I do anything, I might sit down and do the morning pages. Now I don’t do the three, eight and a half and 11 sheets. I do the three in my journal sheets and just make myself write and get all of that out.
I’ve also had women in our group. They do something called if you really struggle with a lot of negative thinking and negative self-talk, um, Um, they do think they call, they have like a negative dump journal. It’s a separate journal and you just write all the negative stuff and get it out so that you can then turn and focus your mind on positive things and putting positive things into your mind.
And then I finish my morning routine with what’s called the journal called the sunrise manifesto. And it’s about gratitude. It’s about things you want to accomplish that day. I design, uh, my coach has designed it a little differently in terms of how the pages are laid out is different than how I do it.
28:00 I do affirmations. So there’s a page that’s kind of a brain dump page, but I do all my affirmations. So I do lots of “i ams” and lots of written visualizations of what I want my life to look like and what I want to attract into my life. Wonderful. And I listen to positive podcasts and music and you know, That’s kind of what you ingest is really important. What you become. Yeah. Every aspect, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally.
Lori: Yeah, seriously. Well, we will put notes to these recommendations that Jacqueline has talked about in the show notes on the workmomsays.com website. So if you’re listening to this on Spotify or Apple or one of these other podcast platforms, feel free to run over to our website and you can get the show notes and the details and links to purchase these books and things like that.
29:00 Jacqueline: Can I say one thing? Sure, please do. We’re talking about strategies for mental toughness. And we’ve talked about getting a routine and recognizing that discipline, you know, forever is built one day at a time. Yeah, for sure. Sometimes it’s one meal at a time and sometimes it’s one workout at a time. And that’s all you’ve got the strength for. And that’s OK. But just do it.
Literally, the Nike saying of just do it is seriously great. Stop thinking about it and just do it. And don’t the Stoics say, Laurie, you can act yourself into a better way of thinking. Yes. And think yourself into a better way of acting. So if you’re in doubt, take action. If you’re in doubt, I can’t tell you, I never used to be a big walker. I can’t tell you how many walks I take now. Sometimes it’s 10 minutes. I just go outside my building. I walk for five minutes one way and turn around, walk back just to clear my head.
What I wanted to say about that was don’t stop trying. Like what works for Lori and I might not work for you, but the important thing is to keep looking, keep searching, keep But you have to give it more than a day or a week. You have to commit to something for 30 days and really commit to the program as it’s designed by the person who designed it. Yes.
30:00 Because if you’re struggling, it means what you’ve been doing and thinking you’re smarter than everything else and everybody else ain’t working. People who created it, do it the way they want you to do it for 30 days. And then you can tweak it once it becomes your own and you make it your own in your own habit.
Lori: Absolutely. Now there’s a quote that you use and I’d like us to close with about things being hard. Oh, yes. Yeah. This is a really good one that you really want to keep in mind. I want it on a shirt or a necklace or something or I can get a tattoo.
Jacqueline: You could use it for lots of different things, but I have used it for losing weight. No, stop. Repeat. Being overweight is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining a healthy weight is hard. Choose your hard. Yeah. And it’s a choice.
31:00 Lori: Yep. And life is hard. I’m sorry, but there are times when it is so hard, you know, and
Jacqueline: Suffering is the only thing that life will ever guarantee you. Yeah. Yeah. That is the one guarantee in life is that there is suffering and there will be suffering in your life. And that’s why you want to be mentally tough. That you can withstand it and move on and see that life is happening for you to teach you lessons. Mental toughness is also about learning to see life from perspective of what are the lessons I’m learning that will help me be a better person?
32:00 Lori: Absolutely. Love that. And when something catastrophic happens or something negative happens, it’s really helps me to be tougher to immediately look for that lesson. Well, that wasn’t, that didn’t work. And what did we learn? We learned what didn’t work.
Jacqueline: It also helps because it gives you perspective of realizing I’m going to tell you somebody always has it worse. Yeah. And there’s nothing wrong. And it’s important to remember that if this is happening to me and I hate it and this sucks. Yeah. But to remind myself, I know there’s somebody else who has it way worse than I do. And so that helps to get perspective so that I can, again, get through it. And then that helps mental toughness as well.
And the one thing I want to say that it also is if you’re here and you’re listening to this and you’ve been through some really difficult things in your life, you already have some mental toughness because you’re still here. And you’re listening to this, which means you want to learn more about how to get mentally tougher.
33:00 So here’s the deal. Accept that it happened to you. It’s not about you. Accept it happened to you and realize where do I go from here? Yeah. Where do I go from here?
Lori: Immediately swap your mindset from, oh my God, look what’s happening. Right. To what do I learn from this and how quickly can I move on? Instead of why me, you want to say, how do I fix it? How do I move beyond it? Yep. And move into action. Exactly. Exactly. Action is always the best choice when you’re in a situation.
One person I used to work with used to say, one of the best ways to be successful is to lead with your face and have a bias for action, which means bring 100% of yourself to it and have a bias toward action over inaction and move forward.
34:00 Jacqueline: And recognize that like wallowing in the past or worrying about the future, that’s where all the pain is. The present is the only thing you have any control over anyway. And so, you know, if you focus on today, I just have to work on this today. And like I said, sometimes it was, I just got to eat this meal because all I really want to do right now is eat cupcakes. But I’m just going to eat this meal and I’m going to have the cupcakes, but I’m having later.
Delayed gratification, by the way, is another very important aspect of mental toughness. Doing delayed gratification will make you mentally tougher.
I think of how many times you- And you know, rush time. Here’s the reality. I really believe this. The human brain can only process things at a certain rate and it doesn’t matter how fast the computers get. And that’s why people are freaking out because our bodies and our minds, it’s not the way the human experience is. Yes.
35:00 We have all this great technology and it’s wonderful, but just remember the human experience operates at a different pace. And if you accept that and you embrace that, it will help a lot. I know.
Lori: Slow down to speed up. That’s another good one. Slow down to speed up because if you slow down, you don’t make mistakes. You’re more, you’re more measured in what you’re doing. You can be more intentional. So slow down to speed up. We have a lot of great, great phrases to give people. We need a line of t-shirts, Jacqueline. We do.
We’re going to wrap this up. Thank you so much for Jacqueline for being here today. Tell us how people can get in touch with you.
Jacqueline: Well, first, I want to thank you so much for inviting me to be on. It’s my honor and pleasure to be here with you. And you can find me at www.jacquelinelaurencellel.com. I will spell that out. My name is a mouthful. So it’s www.jacquelinelaurencelle.com. L-A-U-R-E-N-C-E-L-L-E.com. You can also check me out at JacquelineCooks.com. Same spelling of the name.
36:00 And my Instagram is JacquelineMLaurencelle. So J-A-C-Q-U-E-L-I-N-E-M- L-A-U-R-E-N-C-E-L-L-E. Check me out on Instagram. I’m also on TikTok and YouTube and all the good places and Facebook, of course.
Lori: She’s all over the place. She is all over the map. So be sure to follow her. Be sure to follow Jacqueline because she not only is she sharing her story of transformation, which is really compelling and interesting, but she also acts as your healthy cooking coach.
So she talks about things that help you make menus that are. you know, meals that are more healthy and how to use, she’s got a video I saw the other day about how many knives you should have and how to use them and spices and how to set up a great kitchen.
37:00 Jacqueline: Yeah. I’m very lucky because I’m able to use my French, my classic French training cook, you know, chef training to be able to realize that healthy food is sexy and delicious. And that’s the only way I want it. I I’m not going to spend the rest of my life eating cardboard. I’m not interested. So, so healthy food is sexy and delicious.
Lori: So that’s her motto. So yes. And please, I’d love to hear what your thoughts are. Yeah. So do us a favor. Um, go ahead and Check out our website at workmomsays.com. That’s where you’ll find show notes. You’ll find the book links. You’ll find links to Jacqueline’s social pages and her websites. So if you didn’t write that down because you’re listening in your car, jump over to workmomsays.com and you’ll find that there.
38:00 If you are listening on a podcast platform, please drop me some stars. Those really help with viewership. Write me a review. And on the contact form on the website, I’d love to hear who you’d like to have me interview on Work Mom Says. I’m open to lots of different guests or if you have a question. that I can answer for you related to EQ and work and how to play the emotional context board of business. I’d love to hear from you. Until next time, take care. Bye.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 37 – “Mental Toughness” appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
Are you a chronic people pleaser? Is it hard for you to say no at work? This episode is for you! Join Work Mom Lori Jo Vest as she shares her advice for saying no at work.
Themes discussed in this episode* The importance of setting and holding your boundaries * Why it can be SO hard to say no * What to do and consider before you say no * Reasons to always say no * The softening the no formula * Never be resentful when you must say yes
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
1:00 – Boundaries matter: You are responsible for setting and holding firm to your own boundaries. Decide how you want to live your life and draw your work boundaries accordingly; otherwise, you will likely be miserable.
6:00 – Saying no is hard: If you’re a chronic people-pleaser, tend to be self-sacrificing, or work in a command-and-control type of company, it can be difficult to say no, but your boundaries are always important to uphold no matter the pushback.
10:00—Considerations before saying no: Before saying no, ask yourself strategically if you should say yes. Is the request annoying, or do you not like the way you were asked? Is there a benefit to saying yes instead? Are you compromising your personal time?
13:00 – Reasons why you can ALWAYS say no: If you’re too busy, have a personal commitment, or are asked to do something inappropriate or immoral, these are always good reasons to say no.
20:00 – The Saying No Formula: The formula for softening a no is a positive intro (I really wish I could), a reason (I’m slammed), and a suggestion (can we do this instead?).
23:00 – When you can’t say no: Sometimes you can’t say no, so do what needs to be done with grace, and don’t do it resentfully.
Top Quotes2:00 – Even if someone gets irritated or tries to push on those boundaries, it’s your responsibility to be mindful and pay attention to your own beliefs and values and be honest about what you can and can’t do, even if it hurts someone’s feelings or makes them a little upset.
5:40 – If you don’t like what’s happening at the company and you really feel like you’re also not able to hold your boundaries, consider finding a new environment to work in. Consider finding a place that’s more culturally relevant to you so that you don’t feel like you have to constantly be pushing their boundaries or have them pushing yours.
10:00 – When you find yourself struggling and you really don’t want to say no, take 30 seconds to think about it before you respond, because that’s really what’s going to help you make the best decision and just to, instead of just a decision.
11:00 – Ask yourself strategically before you say no if you should in fact say yes. Is there a benefit to you for saying yes, like demonstrating your skills? If it’s a new type of project that maybe you’ve not done much work on before, if it will help you build a key relationship, consider putting the extra hours in and saying yes.
14:30 – When you have to say no and you absolutely don’t have any ideas for someone else to help or another way to handle it, best thing you can say is I wish I could, but I just can’t make that work. And then shut up.
18:00 – No, that’s not something I’m interested in doing. No, I’m not going there doing that or playing any part in that. Or no, I’m not comfortable with that at all. Those are all answers you can give when someone asks you to do something inappropriate.
19:45 – Just because a request is annoying doesn’t mean it’s something that you should turn down.
22:45 – If you tried to say no and that no was rejected and you just can’t say no, don’t go into the project resentfully because it will backfire and lead you to failure
LinksConnect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!
Transcript0:00
Hello everybody, I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says Don’t Be an Idiot. Great topic today. We’re going to be talking about how and when to say no at work because it will happen to you. Something will come up and you’ll have to say no to your coworker who wants you to work over the weekend, to your boss, to your supervisor, to your mom. There are a lot of times when you will have to say no.
So we’re gonna dig into that And talk about when you should say no and how you should say no. Because there are circumstances where your no should maybe be turned into a yes. So consider that as well.
But before we get going too far, let’s talk about boundaries. Boundaries is basically you setting a standard for how you want to live and then holding yourself accountable for that being true. And I’ll give you an example. I’m one of those people. I love to go to bed at 930. I go to bed at 930 because I get up at 630 and it feels good to me to get a good night’s sleep. I’m productive during the day and physically I feel really good.
1:00
And if someone comes along and says, Hey, there’s this event at 10 o’clock on Tuesday night, let’s go. I’m going to say no. Because one of my boundaries is I prefer a good night’s sleep to a late night evening and a half ruined next day. So that’s holding a boundary.
Now, there are occasions when you will have to hold a boundary and the person on the other side of the conversation doesn’t want to hear what you have to say. And they may tell you you’re being inflexible or this isn’t good for you or are you sure you really want to say no?
And in some cases, you’ll change your mind. But in others, you’ll hold that boundary because you are the one that is responsible for how you live your life and the standards you set for yourself.
2:00
So basically, it’s your responsibility. Even if someone gets irritated or tries to push on those boundaries, it’s your responsibility to maintain your side of the fence, to be mindful and pay attention to what your own beliefs and values and being honest about what you can and can’t do, even if it hurts someone’s feelings or makes them, you know, a little upset.
Be honest about what you will and won’t do, because there will be occasions when someone will ask you to work on a holiday, maybe, or work the entire weekend. And if you’ve got toddlers at home, that doesn’t fit your lifestyle. That doesn’t fit the standard that you’ve set for your life. So boundaries are really important.
3:00
So just to reiterate that part, because again, I think it’s so important. It’s your responsibility to decide how you want to live your life and then to create the environment that allows you to do so.
So for example, if you are a jeans and t-shirt kind of person, honestly, I’ve turned into that in the last six years, working at home and running an agency that’s 100% remote, jeans and t-shirts, comfy, can express yourself comfortably. you know, easy to launder, put on, no ironing. I mean, there’s a lot of reasons that that wardrobe is attractive to me. But I probably wouldn’t try to get a position at a bank and expect to bring that with me. I would have to compromise that standard. If I’m not willing to compromise that standard, then I wouldn’t take that job.
4:00
So don’t go into a conservative company and think you’re going to get away with being a wild child. If you want to be the wild child, go into more creative industry, make sure you’re looking at the companies you interview with for a culture fit, because that will help you determine if your maybe casual demeanor, jeans and t-shirt lifestyle is a fit for that culture, because that’s important.
And also if you get into an organization and you start to feel like, you know, this isn’t exactly what I want and you start trying to push for change, Be careful doing that. I would say don’t be a bull in the China shop constantly trying to push change because you will lose and you will look bad while losing. So that’s just a little side conversation there that once you decide how to live your life, make sure that the career environments that you put yourself in match with that.
5:00
So when you are interviewing, be the buyer. That’s something I heard, I think, J.B. Glossinger say. Always be the buyer. So when you go on a job interview, consider whether they’re going to be able to meet your standards. Consider whether you’re going to be able to express yourself fully in that environment so that your boundaries won’t be that hard to hold, right?
So a lot of times if you go into an environment that doesn’t fit with you culturally, you may try to push too much change. And despite your enthusiasm for making things more casual or better in ways you perceive, you will lose. And if that’s what’s happening, no matter how much enthusiasm you have, you will lose.
So if you don’t like what’s happening at the company and you really feel like you’re also not able to hold your boundaries, consider finding a new environment to work in. Consider finding a place that’s more culturally relevant to you so that you don’t feel like you have to constantly be pushing their boundaries or have them pushing yours. So just a little conversation on boundaries.
6:00
Um, so let’s talk about why it’s so hard to say no. Lots and lots of reasons. When we go to school, we’re taught to cooperate. We’re taught to be good, you know, good classmates to be collaborative. Um, And in a lot of cases, I hate to say this, but we’ve been traumatized. A lot of us have been traumatized and we’re people pleasers.
I just saw Lenny Kravitz interviewed on CBS Morning News by Gayle King, and he just turned 60. And he’s this, you know, superstar. And here he is at 60 saying, I’m a people pleaser. My whole career, I’ve suffered with that. And now at 60, I finally feel like I’m doing what’s right for me.
And a lot of people feel that way because as people pleasers, we may not discover that were people pleasers till, you know, our forties, fifties, or even sixties, because it’s just a behavior pattern that’s so natural based on, you know, your personal trauma response that you don’t even know you’re doing it until you’ve been doing it for a really long time and it hasn’t worked. And then you go, wait a minute, what’s happening.
7:00
So if you, um, if you have a trauma response that is people pleasing or what I call fawning, that’s how you’ll see it defined. Um, you will naturally find it hard to say no, because most people don’t want to hear no, they want you to say yes, you know, and when you can, you will.
But, um, if your trauma response is fawning, it will be difficult, even more difficult for you. Um, a lot of us just worry that others will think less of us if we’re not always cooperative. When in reality, if you think about the people in your life, somebody who’s told you no before, um, Were they awful people? No, they weren’t. Did you hate them forever? Probably not. So if you think that others are going to think less of you, try to put yourself in that position. Would you think less of you if you had to say no? Probably not.
8:00
So we’re worried about what other people think of us. We also may think that if we can’t do it all, we’re not good enough. that we, we should be able to take whatever’s thrown at us. Well, that’s a real old school way of thinking.
Um, back in the eighties, you know, sixties, eighties, nineties, um, you would find a lot of that happening where, um, you know, super woman, women can go to, you know, go to work in the morning and pick up the groceries on the way home and make a beautiful dinner and read the children a story after their baths and just be super woman. You can do it all. Um, No, nobody can do it all. That myth was debunked a long time ago. Nobody can do it all.
So when you find you have to say no because you cannot do it all, just remember there’s no such thing as superheroes. You are not a superhero. You do not have extensive powers that allow you to get more than 24 hours out of a day. So pay no attention to that one.
9:00
We think we’re self-sacrificing or we are self-sacrificing. Maybe we’ve been conditioned that it’s best for us to do what others think we should do. um, over our serving our own needs. And that happens a lot. Um, many of us come from families where there was maybe a dominant family member who always got their way and you went along. And so you became what I call self-sacrificing. You don’t have to be that in a work environment. You can experiment at work, um, by trying to hold your boundaries and trying to say no when you need to.
Um, the other thing that happens frequently, because we have a lot of, um, command and control type leadership in the United States anyway, in large corporations. So you may have said no to your boss or to a coworker in the past and gotten called out for it and kind of forced to do what you didn’t want to do.
So let’s say you said no in the past and nobody listened. Just because they didn’t listen then doesn’t mean they won’t listen now. Doesn’t mean that other people at other companies where you work won’t listen.
10:00
So those reasons, um, that make it hard to say no are things to keep in mind. And when you find yourself kind of struggling, like, I really don’t want to say no, take a minute, take a pause, um, take 30 seconds to think about it before you respond, because that’s really what’s going to help you make the best decision and just to, instead of just a decision.
So a couple of things, um, Now you know why you have a hard time saying no. Let’s talk about what you should do before you say no. Ask yourself strategically, should you actually be saying yes? Are you one of those people that maybe has what is called demand resistance, meaning somebody is demanding something out of you, you don’t like the way they asked you, or you’re just not happy about being asked, so you immediately say no or think, no, I’m not going to do that.
11:00
Ask yourself strategically before you say no, especially at work, if you should in fact say yes. Is there a benefit to you for saying yes, like demonstrating your skills? If it’s a new type of project that maybe you’ve not done much work on before, if it will help you build a key relationship, consider putting the extra hours in and saying yes, because it could be a career builder. Will it help you grow your skills? Then say yes, always. That’s one of those things.
If you can possibly do it and do it well, and maybe you’re a little intimidated because you’ve not done it before, well, the only way to learn is to try new things. So if you’re concerned you might not have the skills, definitely say yes and let other people help you learn those skills that you might be lacking.
Are you compromising your family time too much? That’s something you definitely need have to be mindful of. If you have a partner and kids or just a partner and fur kids, you are entitled to have a good life. And that means spending time with your family and having personal time as well as being available and doing your best work.
12:00
So maybe lean toward no if you’re compromising your family time too much. And you know when that happens. So it can be a tough balancing act, but be strategic about it. You may have to compromise once, you know, one weekend and then don’t for six months just to show that you’ve got, you know, some skin in the game and you are willing.
Or like one of my girlfriends did, you know, three or four years ago, she quit a job because they expected her to work till nine o’clock at night and over the weekend once she got there. And she very clearly explained, I have small children at home. This was not what was explained to me when I first started here. So I found another position.
13:00
And it was really, to me, it was really outstanding to see a young woman stand up for her family that way. Because we often feel like we can’t do that. Like our families aren’t as important. Well, if your family’s not important to your boss, find a new boss. I got to tell you.
Okay, let’s talk now about when you have to say no. here are reasons to always say no. When you simply can’t do something effectively because you’re just too busy. Um, I, I’m just, maybe I’m just jamming out 60 hours a week and somebody tries to put something else on my schedule with a tight deadline and I know I can’t do it.
A couple of ways to approach that would be say no and discuss the options for having other people do it. Um, maybe I can’t do it, but you know what? I know that Melissa, uh, is really good at that kind of work and she might have some open time. So you say no, but you discuss options and help them find someone else to do it.
14:00
Say no and see if you can negotiate to take on part of it or push the deadlines. I’ve done that before where I’ve worked on projects and they want me to, you know, maybe write all the social copy and select all the stock images. And I know I can’t do both. So maybe I say I can write the social copy. And can you have John, you know, work on the images for me? Then we can meet that deadline. But I can’t do it all myself.
Another option. When you have to say no and you absolutely don’t have any ideas for someone else to help or another way to handle it, best thing you can say is I wish I could, but I just can’t make that work. And then shut up. That’s all you need to say. I just can’t make that work.
And then be quiet because there’s a tactic in negotiations, really effective that when you say something like that, we all have a tendency to say, Oh, I wish I could, but I can’t make that work because I have this and that, and then this and that. And before you know it, you’re talking yourself out of your know. So I wish I could, but no, I can’t make that work. And then be quiet.
15:00
And the thing in negotiations is whoever talks first loses. So even if there’s 30 seconds of quiet, just wait for their response. Because what you’ve done is you’ve set down a boundary that maybe you have a wedding that weekend. Maybe you have a, first communion or you have a birthday party or an anniversary, or, you know, you have to get home for your wife’s birthday. You promised her you would take her out to dinner, whatever it is, you have the ability to say no and the responsibility to yourself to say no.
So one of the best ways to soften that is I wish I could, but no, I can’t make that work and say it in a tone that under that expresses your sincerity, that you really kind of feel bad that you can’t do it.
16:00
So when you’re too busy, when you have personal commitments and you absolutely have to say no, those are some great suggestions. We will put some additional resources into the transcript, the show notes for this episode. So you can look there and find some more resources on how to say no, because it’s a really difficult thing to do sometimes. But anyway, back to the when to say no.
Another time you have to say no is when you’re being asked to do something inappropriate. Maybe it’s against the rules. Maybe it’s against your moral character. Let’s say, you know, we’re going to punch up this invoice with 10 extra hours a week, and you know that 10 extra hours of work aren’t being done. Or this guy should have this discount, but since he hasn’t asked about it, let’s not give it to him.
Those kinds of things are kind of dicey. They’re on the edge of what you can say, you know, I won’t do, however, you can say no and reiterate it with a reinforcing phrase. So let’s talk about that.
17:00
You know, I, Lori, I need you to add, you know, 10 hours a week to this invoice. We just have to catch up on some financing and, you know, we’re working way too hard for them anyway. And some answers you could give would be, I’m sorry, but that’s not how I do things. Um, And for example, that’s not how I do things. Is there a better way or can we inform the client that they’re out of scope and that we need to bill more hours and they will expect that and it will be handled appropriately? Can we do that instead?
Another answer for that is no, that’s not something I’m interested in doing. You know, if somebody is asking you to, to lie about something, to be a backup commentator on someone’s performance or, you know, anything that sounds like gossip or, you know, lying or, you know, just being less than stellar in your moral character at the office should be shut down.
18:00
No, that’s not something I’m interested in doing. No, I’m not going there doing that or playing any part in that. Or no, I’m not comfortable with that at all. Those are all answers you can give.
And it may sound a little out of the normal realm, but having been in business for 30 years, I can tell you people will, you will come across those people that will do completely inappropriate things in your company and ask you to play along. They are out there.
I have worked in, you know, at least six different companies where, you know, the owner had difficulties not dating the staff or, you know, they, people were HR told everybody what everybody made when they weren’t supposed to, or people were asked to do things that were untoward. And you have to say no to that. You are within your rights to say no.
19:00
But then one of the best things that you can do is to find another employer, if that’s what’s happening, because you shouldn’t have to tolerate that kind of thing. And if it’s not honestly, if it’s not on the up and up, you don’t want to get caught in it. So it’s best to say no.
So when you find yourself annoyed and irritated by a request, That is not enough of a reason to say no. Before you say no, find out what’s going on with you. What’s got you annoyed? What’s causing the problem? Is it, you just don’t like this coworker or maybe you’ve done, you know, them a ton of favors and they just keep pushing favors on you, but they’re not doing favors for you. There’s no reciprocity, those kinds of people.
You may want to stop yourself for a second, take that 30 second break and then, Think about why it’s upsetting you so that you can get clarity before you decide if you should say yes or no. Just because a request is annoying doesn’t mean it’s something that you should turn down. So that’s something to consider.
20:00
Moving along, it’s really important to know how to soften a no. And that’s not saying, nope, I’m not doing that, because I had someone do that to me once. I was in video production. We’d hired an audio guy, or we were going to hire an audio guy, and it was a real complex project, and it was pretty expensive.
And so my job, I thought, as the account rep, getting the quote was to ask the question at the end, When I got the quote, can you do any better on price? That felt like what I needed to do to be fiscally responsible for my clients. And one audio guy, he just cracks me up in hindsight, but he said the answer to that would be no. And I was like, ooh, ouch. Didn’t feel good.
21:00
So when you have to say no, learning how to soften it can be really helpful to the relationship. So some examples. I really wish I could, but I’m slammed. Can we do this instead? I’m so sorry I can’t make this work. Is there any flexibility on the deadline? I’d love to help, but I’m on a few heavy deadlines that are taking 100% of my attention. Can I help you find someone else to do that for you?
And think about it this way. There’s a formula for this softening a no. And that is a positive intro, the reason, and it doesn’t have to be detailed, but just a reason, and a suggestion. For example, I really wish I could. That’s a positive intro. But I’m slammed. That’s the reason. Can we do this instead? That’s the suggestion. Again, positive. Another way, positive intro. I’m so sorry, but I can’t make this work. That’s the intro and the reason. And the suggestion is, is there any flexibility on the deadline? Because maybe if they change their deadline, you could get the work done. You never know.
22:00
So those kinds of things, positive intro, the reason, and a suggestion. If you can remember that, those no’s will be a lot softer when they land on the other side with the recipient.
Now, when you can’t say no, there are times when you just can’t say no. This happens a lot in the ad agency world. And I’m sure at tax season, it probably happens in the accounting world. And there’s all kinds of deadlines that come up. And sometimes somebody will pile stuff on you and you can’t say no.
And in those cases, do what needs to be done with grace. Don’t do it resentfully. Keep the emotions out of it. Be a professional 100%. If you tried to say no and that no was rejected and you just can’t say no, don’t go into the project resentfully because it will backfire.
23:00
And once you know you have no choice and you’ve been forced to say yes, just honestly fake it till you make it. Pretend that you feel good about it until you feel good about it. Being resentful after you’ve had to say yes to a request will definitely lead you to failure. And nobody wants failure. You don’t want failure. Your employer doesn’t want failure. Whoever’s asking you to do the work doesn’t want failure. And most of all, you don’t want to look bad.
Resentment will never make you look good. Resentment is always something you want to explore and figure out and get behind you before you discuss an issue with a coworker or your boss. or a client.
24:00
So that’s basically what I’ve got for you today, how to say no and when to say no at work. So please keep in touch with me. I’m an open networker on LinkedIn under Lori Jo Vest. We also have a LinkedIn page. I think I mentioned that earlier. You can go there to, you know, comment on our content and um, read our blog posts, things like that.
On our website at workmomsays.com, we have a contact form and we’d love to hear from you. Tell us who you’d like us to have on as guests. If you’d like to be a guest, let us know. Tell us what you’re thinking. What should we be covering? We’d love to hear from you.
And if you’re listening on one of the podcast platforms, please shoot me some stars. Let me know you’re listening. I’d love to hear from you there too. So again, signing off. This is Lori Jo Vest. Work Mom Says, don’t Be An Idiot.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 36 – When and How to Say No at Work appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
Is it hard for you to accept constructive criticism without getting defensive? This episode is for you! Work Mom Lori Jo Vest shares her advice for handling feedback and criticism with grace.
Themes discussed in this episode* Try the eagle’s eye view perspective * Be mindful of how you receive feedback * Is it a hill worth dying on? * Learn lessons in the feedback * Own your failures AND successes
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
2:00 – Eagle’s eye view: When you get negative feedback, pull way back and look at the situation from a wider perspective. Can you look at the feedback in a way that brings out a positive feeling? If you start doing this, you’ll create a pattern of behavior so you never get crabby about feedback.
5:00 – Let it go: If it’s not a hill worth dying on (which it almost never is), it’s always better to let go of your ego, not fight the critique, and accept the feedback.
5:45: How you receive feedback matters: Are you overly dramatic or sensitive? You WILL lose credibility with your team because they know it’ll become a fight if they offer any feedback.
6:20 – Lessons: What lesson are you being taught when you’re critiqued? Whether you’re learning how to keep cool or that you’re not always right, you can learn tons of valuable lessons when you receive criticism.
8:00 – The work isn’t yours: In a corporate environment, it’s essential to remember that the work you’re doing belongs to the company or client – not you. If you can keep that in mind, it’s easier to accept feedback and be collaborative.
9:00 – Defensiveness never works: If you start getting defensive, take a quick break to calm yourself down. Defensiveness immediately creates barriers between you and the other person. Instead, take a breath so you can accept criticism with a calm mind.
Top Quotes2:00 -You may have incredible talent and you may be doing a really, really great job. But the person that’s responsible for receiving your work has a different perspective than you do.
2:20 – If you pull back on an eagle’s eye view of what’s being discussed, it’ll make it a whole lot easier to handle it and to manage it with grace. And what I mean when I say manage it with grace is by being the person that is steady, that doesn’t get knocked over by criticism or negative feedback, somebody who’s able to keep a nice emotional even keel.
4:30 – Collaboration and accepting and incorporating other people’s points of view into your work is what builds relationships in the workplace.
5:15 – Is the concern, the criticism, whatever’s being brought up, is it important enough to you that it would be an appropriate hill to die on? Most of the time, the answer to that question is no.
6:00 – Learn to receive the lessons in the feedback, even if it’s just in keeping your cool and giving up some of your egoic feelings. What is the lesson? What are you being taught when you’re being confronted like that?
10:00 – If you really want to get in someone’s good graces and create a strong relationship, ask them for feedback when the project is over. How did I do? Is there anything I could do to have managed this better, more efficiently and in a way that better serves the team.
LinksConnect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!
Transcript0:00
Hello, everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest, and I’m so glad you chose to tune in to this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot.
Today, we are going to talk about how to handle feedback and criticism with grace. It is not easy. And as a young professional in the workplace, you will receive a lot of criticism and feedback, positive and negative. People will critique your work.
And one of the things that I say right off the bat here that I want you to remember is feedback is love. Feedback is what people provide to you as an opportunity to improve your work. Now, are they always right? Maybe not. If they’re superior to you in their position, you want to listen.
1:00
So, basically, I want to encourage you to consider feedback, criticism, and conflict from what a friend of mine recently called the eagle’s eye view. You want to pull way out from what you’re looking at, what’s happening at the moment, that negative criticism that you received from your coworker or your boss. You want to pull way back and go, okay, let me look at this from a wider perspective.
If I’m not coming from my ego, can I look at this feedback in a way that actually brings out a positive feeling in me? A lot of people struggle with feedback because they know they’ve done a great job or they’ve worked hard on something, and they’re really attached to the work. So put a pin in that and hang on to it for a second.
2:00
You may have incredible talent and be doing a really, really great job. But the person responsible for receiving your work, elevating your work to the next level, turning your work into the client, or whatever that means has a different perspective than you do. And sometimes, things may come out that are kind of frustrating.
But if you pull back on an eagle’s eye view of what’s being discussed, it’ll make it a whole lot easier to handle it and manage it with grace. And what I mean when I say manage it with grace is by being the person who is steady, who doesn’t get knocked over by criticism or negative feedback, somebody who’s able to keep a nice emotional even keel. That should be what you work toward whenever you’re in the office.
So, I’m going to share a quick little story. It was one of the most interesting pieces of feedback I ever received on my work. While it really didn’t make a lot of sense to me at the time, everybody else in the room agreed. So we had to go through it, and I had to accept it.
3:00
I was writing social media copy for an ad agency for a brand that was targeting women, women at midlife. And one of the things that we women in midlife suffer from is being overweight. Um, it’s really easy to gain weight as your hormones change, that kind of thing.
And so, I had created a social post that had a little quote on it and it said, basically your dress size is no more important than your shoe size. And that was the quote and it was on a little graphic and it was implying that you, you know, we don’t really think about, we don’t ask people what their shoe sizes are. We don’t lament that our shoe size is bigger than the person sitting next to us, you know, in the movie theater. We just don’t worry about it.
So I thought it was a great quote. I thought it worked really well for our audience. And one of the art directors in the room said, what about people who have big feet? And the whole room got quiet. We were reviewing the copy. The whole room got quiet. And I said, well, hopefully there aren’t very many of those people who would be offended. Well, I turned into it, you know, 10 minute discussion and, And I said, okay, let me find a new quote because it wasn’t worth fighting over.
4:00
When I pulled back and looked at it with, you know, with a wider view, I realized it wasn’t something that I needed to fight over. It wasn’t something that was going to be worth making a production about. And then if I could just put my feelings aside and, That, you know, that’s kind of silly. I mean, I’ve never heard anybody beat themselves up about having big feet, but then I don’t have big feet. So maybe I’m missing something.
So anyway, put that aside and keep moving. That is what we do in the workplace. Because one of the things that you always want to prioritize is that connected, positive relationship. Collaboration and accepting and incorporating other people’s points of view into your work is what builds relationships in the workplace. You want to remember that. You want to always put that top of mind when you’re in the workplace.
Because what will happen is you will develop a pattern of behavior that when you receive criticism or, you know, a nasty comment at the office, you’ll pull back. go, is this really something worth fighting over? No, it never is. It might be something worth negotiating over with a calm, clear head, but no criticism is ever worth getting bitey or crabby about. It’s just not.
5:00
So be mindful of how you are receiving the criticism. Are you being overly dramatic? Are you not feeling good? So maybe you’re a little more sensitive than you usually would be. Is the concern, the criticism, whatever’s being brought up, is it important enough to you that it would be an appropriate hill to die on? Most of the time, the answer to that question is no.
Next question to ask yourself would be, what would happen if you just let it go? If somebody said, I really want to do it this way, and you go, oh, it should be done that way, and they come back again and say, I really want to do it this way, Is it worth fighting for? And what would happen if you just let it go? A lot of times that’s the better option.
Fighting for small things, especially if you’re a person that’s kind of sensitive, if you fight about a lot of things, you start to lose credibility with your team because they won’t want to talk to you about things, won’t want to bring up criticism, because they’ll know that they’re going to be in for a fight.
I think a lot of us have worked with that person who’s always got the negative thing to say, or you make a suggestion and they’re not open to it. Don’t be that guy. Don’t be that person who doesn’t know how to accept feedback or criticism with grace. It’s really important to your success.
6:00
So another great way to look at it is to learn to receive the lessons in the feedback, even if it’s just in keeping your cool and giving up some of your egoic feelings. What is the lesson? What are you being taught when you’re being confronted like that? And I will tell you the shoe conversation, I won’t forget it for, I don’t think I’ll ever forget it because it hit me as so incredibly ludicrous. And everybody else in the room said, yeah, we should probably not use that quote.
So I was like, all right, the lesson is you’re not always right, Lori, that’s your lesson. And giving up my ego and just letting it go was absolutely the right choice. So, um, learn to receive the lesson, um, use it as practice for keeping your calm as practice for say, you know, for staying in a positive space when maybe something negative is going on around you or you’re being criticized.
7:00
And the other thing that really plays into this whole, um, being sensitive to feedback is a lot of times if you’re being seriously sensitive, you’re being what I call too precious with your work. Like it’s your work, you own it. You wrote it or you created the spreadsheet or you made the, you know, the website, whatever it is that you did. And you’re really proud of it.
And then somebody comes in and the first thing they say is, you know, that color is a little off or that’s the wrong font or, you know, why didn’t you put this other calculation in here? Why doesn’t this spreadsheet have six more columns with this information?
8:00
Well, the way I would encourage you to look at your work in a traditional corporate environment is you are being paid by someone else to do it. So it’s really not your work. It’s the company’s work. And the company is asking you to be collaborative with your team. So not being precious with your work and just giving it up to the team once you’ve created your first version or your first draft. And then going immediately into collaboration mode will help you better handle that. criticism, feedback changes, that kind of thing.
So last but not least, one of the most important things you can do to be able to handle feedback and criticism with grace is to own both your failures and your successes. Don’t get defensive. Defensiveness never works.
9:00
If you feel yourself getting defensive, take a couple of deep breaths, maybe say, you go to the ladies room or the men’s room, walk around the hallway. Just say, I’m just going to take a quick break. Hold on a second. I’ll be right back.
They don’t have to know that you’re just outside in the hallway, walking around in circles, but do whatever it takes so that you aren’t defensive because a defensive posture immediately creates barriers between you and the other person that you’re communicating with, you don’t want to do that. So accept the criticism gracefully. Thank you so much.
10:00
And if you really want to get in someone’s good graces and create a strong relationship, ask them for feedback when the project is over. How did I do? Is there anything I could do to have managed this better, more efficiently and in a way that better serves the team. And if you go back and even ask for more feedback and input, then it’ll become a habit and you’ll become the kind of person that is always looking for input so that you can truly collaborate and also truly do your best work.
Doing your best work in a corporate environment is a collaborative process. You get input. You put out output. That becomes someone else’s input. It’s a collaborative world that we live in in our careers.
11:00
So think about those things. Let me know if there’s any other advice I can give you. In that area, or if you have any questions about handling criticism, I would love to do an Ask Work Mom episode. So please feel free to send me any questions you have. Our website at workmomsays.com has a contact form that will allow you to ask me any questions you’d like.
I also am an open networker on LinkedIn, so you can find me there, connect with me, send me a private message. Happy to engage with you. Just mentioned that you have Listen to the Work Mom Says podcast.
12:00
I’m also looking for reviews. We are on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, all the different podcast platforms and would love a couple of stars if you enjoy what we’re doing here. Drop me some stars and show me some encouragement. And send me your topics. Send me your suggested guests. I’d love to hear from you.
So that’s all I’ve got for you today. Thank you so much for listening to Work Mom Says. Don’t be an idiot. Where we like to teach young professionals how to play the emotional contact sport of business so you can experience less drama and more success. See you next time.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 35 – Handling Feedback and Criticism with Grace appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
Hate networking? You’ve come to the right place! In the latest episode, join Work Mom Lori Jo Vest for a conversation with the Reluctant Networker Greg Peters. They discuss all the ways you can get the most out of networking for business, even if you’re a serious introvert.
Themes discussed in this episode* How Greg became the Reluctant Networker * Networking has become the family business * In-person vs online networking * 3 components of networking * How to properly network online * How to properly network in person * Intergenerational networking is the best! * LinkedIn networking * Networking is about human connection
Featured GuestExpert Guest: Greg Peter
Title: The Reluctant Networker
What He Does: Greg Peters coaches individuals, trains staff, and presents to associations and other groups on developing skills and systems to build better connections and stronger networks.
Connect: You can find him on LinkedIn. Learn more on his website. Check out his book, Hello and a Handshake.
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
5:00 – Reluctant Networker Origin Story: Greg built his web development business by becoming a successful networker. When he decided to change careers, a friend encouraged him to teach people how he grew his business! And the Reluctant Networker was born!
6:00 – Family business: Greg’s primary role is speaking engagements, while his mom brings the training aspect.
7:00 – In-person vs. online networking: Virtual networking allows you to connect with people all over the world, but we still lose a bit of that connection when we aren’t in person.
9:30 – Partner Networking: If done correctly, partner networking is HIGHLY effective.
11:00 – The 3 Components of Networking: 1. Know who you are and what you do. 2. Develop your relationships. 3. Be prepared when people want to help you
19:00 – Online networking: When you’re put into networking breakout rooms, act like you’re the host. Others will be grateful that you took charge.
22:00 – Networking in person: Have a specific goal when you walk in.
28:00 – LinkedIn networking: You have to participate and engage. Limit the number of groups you’re in because you can only actively invest in three at the most. Otherwise, you’re not making quality connections.
33:40 – Networking across generations: You don’t network with a group. You network with individuals. So even if they’re a different generation, social status, or gender, treat everyone like a fellow human being and it’ll be that much easier.
Top Quotes5:00 – Lori: If you create a career for yourself and 20 years later decide you don’t want to do it anymore, it’s allowed. You can make a change.
8:00 – Greg: That little bit of a connection loss is more than made up for by all the benefits we gain from being able to connect with people all over the world.
10:00: Greg – A lot of people have this misconception that, okay, I’m going to show up with my friend Lori and the two of us are going to talk. But that’s not effective. If you’re going to do that, just go to a coffee shop. Don’t go to a networking event. You are there to support each other. And there are different techniques and strategies you can use. But at the very minimum, walking around together and then having one introduce the other, just makes things so much smoother.
14:30—Greg: If we make it about us, the people we’re talking with will feel it. They’ll know they’re being sized up. But if you make it about them, about being of service to them, about developing that longer-term relationship, that’s where the strength of a network is. It’s in building those connections over time.
16:00 – Lori: Don’t make people burn a lot of mental calories trying to figure out what you do and who you serve.
17:00 – Greg: You might keep it as simple as, hey, I would love to connect on LinkedIn. Can we go ahead and do that? Or it might be, would you be willing to read the most recent article I sent out and give me some feedback? Or it could be I am looking for leaders in particular industries. Can you connect me with them to bring on my podcast?
20:30 – Lori: If you’re in your 20s and you go to a networking event, don’t feel like your lack of experience means you shouldn’t actively participate. Because when you participate, the older people in the crowd always want to support the young people.
22:30 – Greg: If you know that your goal is to meet two people that you have not yet met, make a connection, and possibly even schedule a follow-up coffee, those are specific goals. Once you are done with your specific goal, you can reward yourself. But the idea is to know why you’re there and have a specific goal in mind of what you’re trying to achieve.
25:45 – Lori: The energy and enthusiasm of intergenerational networking is a big thing for me. I think there’s so much to be said for knowing people in every age range and having friends and associates in every age range because it’ll contribute to your success. It just will.
30:30 – Lori: When people do have a business need or know somebody who does have a business need with something that you create or provide, they’re going to think about you. Because not only do they know who you are, but they know that you’re out there making stuff happen.
34:00 – Greg: We connect as human beings. And so any conversations we have should be about our human experience. That’s how we connect, regardless of the barriers of social strata.
36:00 – Lori: Drop the labels and just look at it as making a friend, making a connection, creating a strong, positive relationship. And you’re not going to do that with everybody. It’s not going to always be a fit. But in a lot of cases, you’ll find something you have in common.
38:00 – Greg: Your success in every aspect of your life is directly connected to how well you have created your network. The lone wolf doesn’t survive.
LinksConnect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!
Transcript00:00
Lori: Hello, everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest, and I am the host of Work Mom Says Don’t Be an Idiot. Thank you so much for joining me today. Today, we’re going back to that topic that we could probably revisit again and again and again for young professionals because it’s a tough one, and that is networking.
So we entitled this podcast episode Reluctant Networkers Unite, because our guest today is a gentleman that I actually met at a networking event probably 10 or 15 years ago. It’s been a while, Greg, right? It’s been a while. Greg Peters.
1:00
And he had… Right out of the gate, he just made an impression on me that I’ve never forgotten, calling himself the reluctant networker, he trains people and helps people learn how to get the most out of networking for business. Even if you’re the most introverted, anxious human being there is, Greg’s got something for you.
So Greg, tell us a little bit about yourself and your company. You mentioned when we were prepping for this podcast that there were some serious changes that happened with COVID. And we’d also love to hear about your book. So how did you get into this business? So you want that all in like two or three minutes, right? Take your time. We got all the time in the world.
Greg: All right. Well, let’s see. I mean, it’s funny because when I meet people at networking events and I tell them I’m the reluctant networker, they say, well, you don’t seem very reluctant. Well, that’s who I was and who I help. Yeah, because there’s a lot of people who are reluctant about the whole networking thing.
2:00
And, you know, so much of it now is really it’s just a series of processes. And once you learn them, it’s just a learned skill set. And so I actually started my company I was a, I worked for the University of Michigan as a computer programmer. Yes. With all the social skills that that implies. We know about that.
We were lured out of our offices for, with donuts on Wednesday mornings, just because, you know, we’re, we’re not social creatures, but I decided I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I’m sure you can see the Cape blowing in the wind now.
Lori: Um, You were innocent. You were optimistic.
Greg: What’s the word? An idiot. An optimistic idiot. Optimistic, yes. Unrealistically optimistic.
When you start a business, someone should tell you that you’re the one responsible for getting the business. I discovered very quickly that if you aggressively wait by the phone, nothing happens.
3:00
Lori: —nothing at all.
Greg: So I decided I could either try the cold calling, which just seemed like a recipe for instant rejection, or I could learn how to do this networking thing. Yeah. And at the time, my mom was actually teaching a class on networking. And so I took the class and ask me if I got the family discount.
Lori: No. Did you?
Greg: I did not. Uh, my mom’s, uh, I think she’s very much as firm a work mom as you. I paid full price because I had, that’s how you, you’ve got, you’ve got a flesh in the game. So I learned and I read books and I tried things and I, I slowly got better, uh, to the point that I decided to leave my job at the University of Michigan and go full time on my business.
4:00
Lori: Nice.
Greg: And, uh, that went well. Unfortunately, that was right around 2007. If you remember that time period, that was when we had the Great Recession. It was tough. It was a really tough time. But the cool thing was that because I built my business on networking, my business actually grew.
Lori: That makes sense.
Greg: It actually grew like 50% per year. It got to the point in 2009 that I had more work coming in than I could get done.
Lori: That’s amazing. Exactly what kind of work were you doing?
Greg: I was doing web development. This was back in the day that anybody could open up a web development business and just do it. But I never really wanted anybody working for me. So I was trying to get the work all done myself.
And it was one night, I still remember it now, it was 3 o’clock in the morning. And I’m trying to get the work done. And 3 o’clock, 3 a.m. is probably the loneliest time. that exists. There’s no one’s awake, you know, my entire house is asleep. And I had been a computer programmer for 20 years and I suddenly realized I don’t want to do this anymore. Yeah. This is not making me happy.
5:00
Lori: Yeah. Well, let me jump in here as a work mom. This is a sidebar. Okay. If you create a career for yourself and 20 years later decide you don’t want to do it anymore, you’re, it’s allowed, right? In that career, you can make a change and Greg is going to tell you how, right?
Greg: Well, you know, the funny thing was the next day I was meeting with a friend of mine from the chamber, Cheryl O’Brien, and I was complaining to her about my revelation of the night before. And she listened for a while as good friends will. And then she said, did you ever think of teaching people how you grew your business?
Lori: There you go.
Greg: It was at that moment that the Reluctant Networker was born. A few years later, my mom and I combined our businesses, so we became Third-Generation Networking.
6:00
Lori: I love that. I love that part of the story. It’s such a great part of the story that you and your mom have a family business now.
Greg: And honestly, my wife is, we are all partners, but my wife is the managing partner. So women in my life boss me around from morning to night.
Lori: And you don’t mind. It doesn’t seem like you mind a bit.
No, I have learned through my life that yes, dear works very well. So that’s how we kind of came to, we hit the beginning COVID and that was challenging. My primary part of my business is speaking. I go to associations and businesses and I present the concepts of networking to them. The part of my business my mom brought in was the training aspect.
Well, we were in the middle of two in-person training programs in Toledo and Cleveland. These are 10 week long programs. And suddenly we had the first week and then March 13th, March 13th, 2020. And we had to do some fast moving to get everything online.
7:00
And so we started training online and we also had to learn how do you network online? Because back then we just didn’t have that. So it was a little bit of a learning curve for all involved. But I think people have gotten better at producing online networking programs and we have gotten better at attending them.
Lori: Yes, we have. And I think it’s changed some things for the better because things that didn’t used to be global can now be global. I’m in a masterminds group and we’ve got somebody in Germany and somebody in Denmark and somebody in California and somebody in Australia. And we meet once a week for an hour. And it’s awesome because I never would have had that type of global network without that, you know, necessarily being available.
8:00
Greg: Oh, virtual provides so many benefits that, you know, yes, there is, there’s a slight benefit to being in person. There’s just some aspect of, and you and I were talking about it earlier, is where do you look on the screen? Do you look at the person or do you look at the camera? Because then you’re not back and forth. So there’s a little bit of that weird body, but we’ve gotten used to it that people aren’t looking directly at our eyes virtually. And that’s okay.
But that little bit of a loss, I think, is more than made up for by all the benefits we gain from being able to connect with people, as you put it, all over the world.
Lori: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So now tell me about your book. It’s called Hello and a Handshake.
9:00
Greg: Hello and a Handshake. Yeah, it’s basically all the little techniques I had to learn to be successful going to a networking event. Got it. Everything from just sort of the mindset we need to have walking in to techniques on how to start up conversations, what groups we should be looking for, how to have goals, even how to partner network, how to go in with someone else and not spend all our time talking to that other person.
Lori: I’m not sure if I should share what I do or not.
Greg: Always, always. I’ll be writing it down and adding it to the next book.
Lori: Partner networking. Oh my gosh, it’s so fun. I always like to find some really funny or interesting fact about the person that I’m with that we can say, oh, I’m Lori and I’m Cary. And by the way, Cary has five daughters. And then that gets the conversation going about Cary and his five daughters and his wife that he lives with. Talk about being the minority in the household.
Greg: But you’ve described exactly what you’re supposed to do with partner networking. A lot of people have this misconception that, okay, I’m going to show up with my friend Lori and the two of us are going to talk. But that’s not effective.
10:00
If you’re going to do that, just go to a coffee shop. Don’t go to a networking event. You are there to support each other. And there are different techniques and strategies you can use. But at the very minimum, walking around together and then having one introduce the other, it just makes things so much smoother.
Lori: And I can sing your praises much more naturally than you can sing your own praises, right? Oh, yes. That’s a part of it. But I have to tell you the other thing I used to do to my girlfriend, Vula, who I love with my whole heart. Vula, she’s Greek and that’s a nickname for Paraskevi. So I would say, oh, meet Vula, but that’s not her real name. And then I would just stand back and the whole conversation would just go on its own. And then we’d be, everybody would be comfortable and laughing and she thought it was funny and it was super fun.
So, I mean, I really do think having a networking partner is, that you go with to events is a fabulous idea. Such a great way to do it.
Greg: Oh, and actually, I think I’ve met, I think I’ve met her. I think I met her actually at that event where you spoke and I was in the audience.
11:00
Lori: I may have said Vula Praskovy. Pronouncing it, I’m sure I’m butchering the pronunciation, but. It’s very possible that we were together that day. It’s been a while. So moving along, I really liked how on your website, Thereluctantnetworker.com, there’s no the in front of it, right?
Greg: No, mine is thereluctantnetworker.com.
Lori: Thereluctantnetworker.com. Okay. On Greg’s website, he discusses the three components of networking. Tell us about those and share a little bit about each of them. The first one is knowing who you are and what you do.
Greg: Yeah, know who you are and what you are trying to achieve. That’s really kind of fundamental to almost any aspect of business. If you don’t know who you are and who you serve, then you don’t know where to network. You can’t network everywhere. So you need to know who you’re serving so you can either network with them or you can network with those who serve them.
12:00
And the second one is better. Because if you’re networking with your customer or whoever you’re targeting, then they kind of know they’re being targeted. But if you are networking with those who serve them, then you can create strategic partnerships where you are helping each other, where you’re providing referrals and recommendations for each other.
Lori: That’s the best. I mean, a referral network. And I find it doesn’t usually have to be formal. If you keep putting yourself in places, like, for example, we have a digital marketing shop. We network with the SEO guys because the SEO guys are doing beautiful websites, but they need the words and the pictures to go in those websites. So we network with them and we refer each other. And before you know it, you’ve got just a nice network of referral partners.
13:00
I used to like to become… the resource. So people would call me as when I was in sales, when people called me for something completely unrelated to what I did, I loved it because it basically meant that they considered me a resource hub. And that is one of the best ways to network is to know a ton of people. And it kind of happens naturally with networking, don’t you think?
Greg: Yes. In fact, that’s one of the one of the things you should always be doing when it comes to networking is you are building your network to be of service to your network. And the more you do it, the more value you bring, the more people are going to want to be in contact with you, the more likely they are to know when they need to connect you with opportunity.
Lori: Yeah, absolutely. So that gets us to the second point of these three components, which is develop the relationships. Somebody that might not do what you do or might not do what your clients do could be such a great person for you to know, right?
14:00
Greg: It really is true. I mean, there’s a number of aspects to this, but the first thing is we kind of have to approach networking with sort of a split personality. We have to know who we are and what we are trying to achieve so we know where to go. We have to be strategic about that, get in the right place. After that, though, it has to be about them and not about us.
Because if we make it about about us, the people we’re talking with, they’ll feel it. They’ll know they’re being sized up. But if you’re making it about them, about being of service to them, about developing that longer term relationship, that’s where the strength of a network is. It’s in building those connections over time.
Lori: Yep. And then you won’t be that person that’s always like in the middle of the conversation going like this, trying to see who else is there that they should be talking to instead of you.
15:00
Greg: Oh, don’t even get me started on that. I was at an event one time where there was a gentleman who literally was looking over, just as you said, looking over my shoulder. It’s bad enough when they stop you in mid-sentence to go and talk to someone else. He stopped himself in mid-sentence to go talk to someone else. It’s like, okay, I guess I’ll go find someone else to talk to.
Lori: I can’t roll my eyes hard enough at that one. So you know who you are, what you do, and why you’re there. You’re working on developing those relationships, and then you get the benefits. That’s part three.
Greg: Part three is about getting the benefits. And for this, it’s important that we just be prepared. You know, at almost any level of connection, there are going to be people who want to help you. And they’ll come right out and say, how can I help you? You need to be ready for that.
Because the worst, I hear people say all the time, oh, I don’t know. well, guess what? You’re not going to get any results out of that. Or just send me anyone who needs my stuff. They, you know, the person you’re talking to has got their own life to live and they don’t have time to figure out your life and your business.
16:00
You need to be specific so that when they ask how they can help, you can give them something real because otherwise, otherwise the words you’re going to hear next are, I’ll keep you in mind. and that’s true. Until they walk out of the coffee shop. Yeah, and never see you again.
Lori: I call that burning mental calories. Don’t make people burn a lot of mental calories trying to figure out what you do and who you serve.
Greg: I love that. That is great. That is perfect. Yes, it’s exactly what it is. They don’t have any extra mental calories to burn on you. So make it as easy and clear as possible. And that might mean you need to have a list of possible things you could ask for.
17:00
You might keep it as simple as, hey, I would love to connect on LinkedIn. Can we go ahead and do that? Or it might be, would you be willing to read the most recent article I sent out and give me some feedback? Or it could be, I am looking for leaders in particular industries. Can you connect me with them to bring on my podcast?
Anything you ask for, You know, I might, if I know someone well enough, you know, and I know, say, for example, I’m talking with a financial advisor and I know they’re part of the financial advisors association. I might say, could you introduce me to someone in leadership at your association? Because I’m looking to speak.
Lori: Yep. There you go. So you’re bringing us to another point. You talked about networking on Zoom. It is very different. I always really enjoy it when you’re maybe at a longer meeting, like say it’s an hour long and they put you into breakout rooms. So you get to know people individually. I wish everybody did that because it’s so effective and you can really get, I find a lot of women will go deep right away in those conversations because that’s what we do.
18:00
But how is it different? What is it about networking on Zoom that sometimes it’s easier, sometimes it’s harder than in person?
Greg: Well, I mean, first is the challenge that we have people that, that don’t make the effort, for lack of better words. They show up and they don’t turn on their camera. They don’t have their microphone on. I mean, that’s the equivalent of standing outside the door at an in-person.
Lori: Standing out in the hallway at the chamber event.
Greg: And so much of our visual, so much of our brain is dedicated to visual input. So if I don’t see your face if I can’t see the expressions you’re making, I can’t detect any body language, then I kind of turn off from that.
19:00
The other challenge is people who are trying to, well, multitask. You know, they’re on, but they’re not really. They’re, you know, especially, you know, if I see someone who’s looking off to the side over here, I mean, like, are you really? Is there a camera over there? Or are you not aware of where your camera is? Or are you doing, you know, at least put it up in, you know, put your email up in front of the camera so that you can look like you’re looking at it. Exactly.
Lori: Though you can still tell because they’re like looking up and down.
Greg: Exactly. I mean, it’s the equivalent of someone who, you know, goes to a… in-person meeting and sticks their phone on the table. Yeah. That’s, that’s telling me that you’re probably not entirely focused here right now.
Lori: You’re not going to make any connections.
Greg: No. And I would say that, you know, for those situations where you’re in a breakout, take charge. Yeah. Pretend you’re the host. And just, if they don’t, okay. If they’ve, if they’ve got someone who’s already taking charge, let it go. But most of the time, You know, everybody just kind of sits there and looks at each other for the first five minutes and it’s uncomfortable.
20:00
But if you decide to just become the ringleader, if you become the host of the situation and say, hey, Laurie, you know, we were given this question. Why don’t you go ahead and start? Yeah. You know, it puts that one person a little bit on the spot, but most people are grateful that someone has taken charge.
Lori: Absolutely. And another work mom sidebar, because we’re speaking to young professionals. One of the things that I really want the young people to understand is if you’re in your 20s, especially like maybe just out of college or mid 20s, and you go to a networking event or let me tell you, don’t feel like your lack of experience means you shouldn’t actively participate. Because when you participate, the older people in the crowd always want to support the young people.
Am I right, Greg? Always. Always. When I see a 22- or 23-year-old at an event and they’re bold enough to be there early in their career like that, I’m like, come here. It means that they’re leaders. Because most people right out of college find it very difficult to put yourself in a networking environment and actively participate. Do it. It’s really not that hard. And what can you lose?
21:00
Greg: Yeah. I mean, that’s a challenge, I think. I’ve spoken to college students and even some high school students, and they’re like, well, what do I have to offer? You have the gift of attention, first of all. Most of the people who are my age and older who are going to networking events, they’re already successful. What they’re hoping for is to leave a legacy to help and support.
If you can pay attention and listen to them and listen to the lessons they’re trying to convey and get back to them, tell them, hey, you know, I tried that thing you suggested the other day, and this worked. My wife is amazing at this. She connects with people and then asks for their advice. Why not? You are paying someone one of the highest compliments if you can ask an intelligent question and get their advice.
Lori: Absolutely. Can you give us a couple of tips for networking in person rather than online? Pick whatever speaks to you.
22:00
Greg: Well, you know, it’s funny because I’m a little hard of hearing. And so for me, online is so much easier because I can just hear. Yeah, that makes sense. With respect to one of the things I would always recommend with either of them, but especially with in-person, is to know what you’re trying to achieve walking in. Have a very specific goal in mind.
Because if you just walk in and network, whatever that means to you, there’s a good chance you’re going to get to the end and feel, Oh, well, that was a wasted effort. Yeah. But if you walk in knowing where the finish line is, if you know that your goal is to meet two people that you have not yet met, And make a connection and possibly even schedule a follow-up coffee. I mean, those are specific goals.
Then once you are done with your specific goal, you can go visit the buffet counter. You can go and chat with people you’ve already met. You can reward yourself. But the idea is to know why you’re there and have a specific goal in mind of what you’re trying to achieve.
23:00
Lori: And if you’re so-called… Don’t be afraid to be bold in those goals. We were talking right before this recording that my first boss out of college was just this wonderful man, David E. Laster. I’ve always mentioned him because he’s just, he taught me everything I know about sales. And I was very green and very sassy when I was 22 or 23 years old and worked for him.
And, and he, at one point, he would, he was so funny. He’d say, well, Laurie, you know, I know you’re going to this Adcraft Club meeting this evening. And I also know that Marcy Brogan is going to be there. And Marcy Brogan owned her own ad agency and she was another woman in business. And he knew if I sat next to her that she would want to help me because that’s what people do.
24:00
And so he’d say, I’d be really disappointed if I find out tomorrow that you didn’t sit right next to her. And then he’d smile at me and walk away and it would be like, oh, no. But sure enough, the next morning I’d come in and say I sat next to Marcy Brogan and add to that I developed a relationship with her. And to that, got a huge account from her agency, which I never would have gotten had he not pushed me to be bold.
I mean, he just like walked away so he’d be disappointed. And I took that as a challenge and sat next to her. And because I was like 23 just out of college, I stood out. Maybe like a sore thumb, but I stood out. And she was really interested. Like she met with me. It was amazing. So don’t negate your experience in the industry that you’re in. Just know people will want to help you. You know, I find that. Don’t you find that?
25:00
Greg: Yeah. And I would even go further than that is realize that you may actually still have information that they don’t. I mean, especially technology is moving so quickly these days. Yeah. I mean, you talk about AI and social media and all these. There are people who have been in the business who just I mean, it’s moving past them. I was a technologist. I was a computer programmer. Yeah. And things are moving faster than I can keep up with.
So you don’t think you don’t have valuable information just because we’ve not been out there for a long time. You probably have had more in touch with new technologies than the person you’re talking with.
Lori: Yeah. And the energy and enthusiasm of intergenerational networking is a big thing for me. I think there’s so much to be said for knowing people in every age range and having friends and associates in every age range because it’ll contribute to your success. It just will.
But okay, so let’s look at networking on LinkedIn. I’m a big, big LinkedIn networker. I love LinkedIn. I’m on there all the time. We’ve started doing lives. Super fun. What do you think best ways to network are on LinkedIn?
26:00 Greg: You know, I have to admit, when I first started out, I was more of a Facebook guy myself because it’s more social. Yeah. But… That said, we had a speaker as a part of the Academy for the National Speakers Association talking about how LinkedIn does its algorithms and how it’s completely different than pretty much all the other social media sites, at least as of this recording.
But it is really designed to encourage conversations. And that is something that I think is truly special because it rewards you for putting out information that encourages conversation and developing relationships through conversation is what networking is all about.
27:00 So, you know, you can get on there and you can have conversations, you know, like there’s a gentleman here in Detroit, Terry Bean, who’s an expert in networking also.
Lori: I love Terry Bean. Terry Bean. Isn’t he awesome? Look him up. He’s like networking king of Detroit. Yeah.
Greg; But he’ll put out an article there and I can say, oh, Terry, yeah, this is awesome. And here’s something else. And hey, have you considered this aspect? And he’ll get back to me and there’ll be this conversation going, which can actually, despite the fact that it’s an asynchronous mechanism, we’re not talking in real time, it can create stronger connections. So that’s the first thing I would say is when you’re on LinkedIn, be looking for conversations that you can have.
Lori: Engage, make comments, participate.
28:00 Greg: It’s not enough to lurk. You have to be there. And honestly, I would say that about any aspect of networking, you have to engage. When you become part of a group, you can’t just put your name on the roles. You have to show up. You have to participate. If you’re a part of a larger group, look for opportunities to serve in that group. You can get on committees and leadership and whatever, because that’s what makes you a part of the group.
And that’s why you want to limit the number of groups that you’re a part of. I’ve talked to people and said, so how many groups are you a part of? I’m on this and this. If you go past one hand’s worth of fingers, you’re on too many groups.
Lori: So five is the max I’m taking? Five is the max?
Greg: I would actually say three. If you’re part of more than three, you cannot fully invest yourself in that group. You’re barely making it. So yeah, I would say three is the max you should ever be a part of.
Lori: Well, I like what you said about investing in the group because that’s the other thing that I think gets lost is you don’t go out networking, meeting this meeting, that meeting, this meeting, that meeting, you select those groups.
29:00 And I’ll give you some examples, chamber of commerce. If you find the chamber of commerce is a good source for you, then invest in that chamber of commerce, go to their events, go to their breakfast, go to the open houses. You know, when they, when they do a new grand opening for a business in your, you know, in your town.
Because what will happen is you’ll eventually get to know a whole bunch of people that do the same thing, that are regular attendees at the events. And pretty soon, you know, 30, 40 people. You might not know them really well, but you know each other. You know what each other does. You could pick up the phone and call and they’d say hello.
And that is what it means to invest in a group, right? Even get on a committee, get on the board of directors.
Greg: Yes. Participate in it. Most chambers have what they call like an ambassador corps or a welcome committee or whatever, and whose sole purpose is to act in the role of hosts at events, or they go out and meet the new members or whatever it is. But those are so easy to get into. And you’ve suddenly surrounded yourself with people who are firmly connected to networking.
30:00 When I first started my network, web development business, I joined the Ann Arbor Chamber and became a part of their ambassador corps. And I actually got work directly from one of the other ambassadors because he heard what I did and said, hey, I’ve got a client who needs your services. Can I connect the two of you? And it was a great job. But that’s because we were suddenly serving in a common capacity. And that makes a stronger connection.
Lori: And it also, I think, elevates your personal brand when people see you out there doing things. You’re a doer. You’re a member of the community. You can be counted on. So when they do have a business need or know somebody who does have a business need with something that you create or provide, they’re going to think about you. Because not only do they know who you are, but they know that you’re out there making stuff happen. That’s huge.
31:00 When I was in my 20s, I was in the Women’s Advertising Club of Detroit. It doesn’t exist anymore, unfortunately. But the Women’s Ad Club, I was probably 23 years old because, again, David Laster, Lori, go join this club, go to the meetings, get on the board.
And I did their e-newsletter. And I did their, not e-newsletter, I did their paper newsletter. What am I saying? It was a paper newsletter that we mailed out, stapling and putting labels and postage on. I’ll never forget it because there would be hundreds of them and I’d be sitting there watching TV putting these together, mailing them out.
Greg: Did you at least have the sticker postage?
Lori: Yes, thank God. Thank God they were sticky. But what happened as a result is I always knew what was going on because people would send me their stories. And I also learned how to produce a newsletter. And I had samples. So when I went to my next job, I could say, see what I’ve done.
32:00 And anything that you can do that you’ve never done before that can help you develop skills, a lot of the chambers of commerce, those organizations will give you a chance to do that, to do public speaking, to set up a scholarship program and run the scholarship program with judging committees and Anything that you can do like that is going to elevate your skills to, you know, give you something to go on your resume. So it’s not always just about contacts either. It can be about skills. So love that part.
All right. Let’s talk about networking across generations, social status, gender divides. Your website says that you can teach someone to bridge the status, bridge the status gap with anyone despite differences in age, social status or gender. How does what does that mean and how do you do it?
33:00 Greg: Well, OK, here’s the thing. You know, everyone I’ve had people ask me, you know, how do you how do I how do I network with millennials? Or how do I network with Gen Xers? Yeah.
Lori: Gen Alpha’s coming up. They’re crazy.
Greg: Gen Alphas or whatever they are. They’re 12. They’re 12 right now. That’s my daughter, apparently.
So my response is you can’t. Yeah. You cannot network with a group. You network with individuals, right? Individuals have their own individual needs, their desires, their goals, their dreams. That is how you network with them. Yeah. You know, you’re sitting next to them on the bus. Guess what? They’re human beings also. Yeah. And they’re going to be far more likely.
34:00 If I’m chatting with the CEO of a company and I’m trying to connect with the CEO of a company, I’m not going to because I’m connecting with a position. Yeah. But if I’m connecting with Sally Fox, who’s a grandmother who just took her grandkids to Disney World, and we can share that common experience of going to Disney World with kids, that’s a connection.
We connect as human beings. And so any conversations we have should be about our human experience. That’s how we connect, regardless of the barriers of social strata.
Lori: Yeah, it does make a difference if you’re sitting there talking to someone and in your mind you’re going, they’re CEO, they’re CEO, they’re CEO. Then you’re not focused. You’re not there. You’re intimidated. Why?
35:00 Greg: Here’s nerd boy here. I every year go to a science fiction convention. And one year we were down in Atlanta. And one year I was there and was waiting in line for breakfast. And a, okay, I’ll just say the name. It was George Takei. got in line next to me. And I just started chatting with him. And it was funny because he wasn’t this huge, scary guy. He was talking about how he was worried because there was a hurricane coming in and whether he was going to be able to make it home to Los Angeles.
And it’s like, no, these are real people with real needs and real concerns. Stop treating them as if they’re on a pedestal. Most of us, you know, it’s funny. As a speaker, people sometimes think I’m this celebrity. I’m not. I’m a human being. But then the funny thing is, I remember seeing speakers and thinking they were the ones on the pedestal. But it’s not true. We’re none of us.
And I’m sure, Lori, people think, oh, she’s got her own podcast. She’s work mom. But no, you’re a human being just like us. You have those challenges that you face on a daily basis. And if we can connect in that way, It stops being about the celebrity. It stops being about the pedestal. It starts being about us as human beings working together.
36:00 Lori: And I would even say that if you’re an older person and looking at a younger person and feeling like, oh, they’re too young, they wouldn’t be interested in what I had to say. Or if you’re a younger person looking at an older person and feeling it, it’s the same sentiment, the same concern.
And if you drop that, drop the labels and just look at making a friend, making a connection, creating a strong, positive relationship. And you’re not going to do that with everybody. It’s not going to always be a fit. But in a lot of cases, you’ll find something you have in common.
It’s, you know, it was one of the things I used to say in sales is give me 10 minutes with anybody from the ages of six to 90. I will figure out in just a few minutes what we have in common. Could be golfing, which I don’t golf, but maybe they do and they want to talk about it. So I’ll listen.
37:00 Greg: I had a great conversation with a guy one time. You know, I talk about, you should ask people about what they do both for a living and for, for fun. The follow-up question is how long have you been doing that? Which still seems like kind of limiting, but if they’ve been doing something for longer than three years, ask them what’s changed. Because there’s chances are there’s, if it’s been three years, something has changed. And they quite often have a very strong opinion about it.
I talked with a guy about kite flying. I don’t fly kites myself. I mean, I did when I was a little kid, but he’s an adult. He was an accountant, as I remember. And I asked him, what do you like to do for fun? And he said, I like to fly kites. Really? How long have you been doing that? Oh, since I was a kid. Oh, really? Has anything really changed? He was so excited and passionate to talk about all the hobby of kite flying. It became so much fun. And I learned so much about him as a person.
38:00 Lori: Nice. Yeah, that’s how to do it. So what do you do for fun? I mean, you can always ask that. Always. What do you do for fun? And people love to talk. So if you’re a reluctant networker that’s an introvert, you have the amazing skill of listening that most of us don’t have, like me. I like to talk. I love to talk. I’m working on my listening skills.
So if you’re an introvert and you want to, you know, you have that amazing ability. Ask questions and let them talk. Everybody loves to talk about themselves.
Greg: Yes. Very much so. And that’s my recommendation also is don’t worry about what you’re going to say. Worry about what you’re going to ask.
Lori: Oh, that’s great. That’s like stellar advice. So any other final advice you’d like to parlay to our audience before we wrap up?
Greg: I would say the most important aspect, the thing to keep in mind at all times is your success in every aspect of your life is directly connected to how well you have created your network. Yeah. The lone wolf doesn’t survive.
39:00
Despite the fact our movies and our cultural media shows the lone wolf as being the guy who always ends up victorious in the end, it’s not true in real life. I mean, if you have the greatest ideas in the world, but you have no one to share them with and no one to walk with you on the path, nothing will get done. It will be wasted ideas.
So the whole idea of making connections, this is how you make success in your life and beyond that. how you make your life significant.
Absolutely. If you don’t have a community around you, are you really living? That’s what I’m saying. I’m all about my community though. So Greg, tell us how people can keep in touch with you, access your resources. Tell us how to get in touch.
Greg: Well, you can always access me through my website at thereluctantnetworker.com. And I would love to connect with you on LinkedIn. That’s where I do live most of my social media time.
40:00
Lori: I love it. So Greg, thank you so much for being here and thank you to our audience for joining us. Again, my name is Lori Jo Vest. Our website is workmomsays.com. We have a contact form there. We would love to hear from you. Tell us what you’d like us to talk about. If you have suggestions for guests, we’d love to hear that too. And I am also an open networker on LinkedIn. So if you connect with me there, just mention that you listened to the Work Mom Says podcast and that’s what we’ve got. Take care. Thank you so much for joining us. We’ll be back soon.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 34 – Reluctant Networkers Unite appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
Do you have big professional or personal dreams that you don’t know how to make a reality? A mastermind group might be the answer to your problem. In the latest episode of Work Mom Says, join Work Mom Lori Jo Vest for a quick discussion about mastermind groups and all the success you can achieve when your network holds you accountable.
Themes discussed in this episode* What are mastermind groups * How mastermind groups have changed my life * Rules of Mastermind groups * How to find a mastermind group
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
1:30 – What are mastermind groups? In mastermind groups, you surround yourself with like-minded people who are either at your level or above your level regarding business success. These groups hold you accountable and help you reach your goals.
3:00 – How mastermind groups have changed my life: They helped me through a divorce, reconnect with my mother, write a book, and launch my company.
4:00 – The rules of mastermind groups: To be the most effective, groups need rules like committing to coming to every meeting, no cross-talk, and keeping the group conversations private.
8:30 – How to find a mastermind group: There are many ways to find mastermind groups.You can start your own group; search for free groups on Meetup, Eventbrite, or LinkedIn; or join paid groups like JB Glossinger’s Morning Coach group.
Top Quotes2:45 – “One of my favorite projects and dreams I never thought I would achieve was writing a book. That first mastermind group inspired me to take that project all the way to the finish line.”
4:30 – “There was no cross-talk. People say, don’t yuck on someone else’s yum. So we wouldn’t criticize what someone else was up to. We might ask questions to help them think more thoroughly about an idea or offer them support.”
6:00 – “Everybody talks about what they want to commit to that day, personally, professionally, and then the mindset. You write it down. Then the next morning, you come back and report. How did you do the day before? And what are your personal and professional commitments and your mindset for that day?”
9:00 – “They will amplify whatever you’re doing, escalate your career progression, and help you reach goals that you’ve never thought you would reach.
LinksCheck out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.
Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!
Transcript1:00
Hello, everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest, the host of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot. Thank you so much for joining me today. I am going to be talking about masterminding. If you’re one of those goal-oriented people and trying to figure out how to get where you want to go and reach your highest, loftiest goals, masterminds are an amazing way to do it.
And if you’ve never heard of the concept, I would encourage you to look it up. It’s all over the internet, and people use it in both personal and business contexts. How I like to explain masterminds is you surround yourself with like-minded people who are either at your level or a little bit above your level when it comes to success in business, or maybe they’ve written a book or they’ve done some, you know, big, consequential thing that you really want to emulate and you feel really good about who they are as human beings, invite them to create a masterminds group with you.
2:00One of the best ways to do this is to reach out to people in your life who you know will support you in living your dreams. And that’s how I got involved. I had a friend, Sean Duparin, back in the day. Oh my gosh, I think it’s been 22 years now. I think my son was three years old.
She invited me into a mastermind group with a bunch of her friends, people who were really interested in living their best lives —some she knew well, some she didn’t. We were in that group for about 13 years, and it made a huge difference in my life.
One of my favorite projects and dreams I never thought I would achieve was writing a book. That first mastermind group inspired me to take that project all the way to the finish line. I did it with a co-author from the group, so that was kind of awesome.
3:00So anyway, I was in that group for about 13 years. It helped me through a divorce and helped me through getting into a better relationship with my mother. I hadn’t talked to her in 10 years probably, but I was able to rekindle and at least create some sort of relationship with her. It may have been non-traditional, maybe not what others would expect out of a relationship with their mom, but it It was a productive time in my life when I was a part of that group.
People kind of evolved in and out. Some people would stay for six months or a year. Some people would stay for a couple of weeks. Because with the masterminds group, you have to have some rules. Our rules were that you had to be on time and commit to showing up at every single meeting. And we had two meetings a month.
And that commitment had to stand strong. If somebody was getting married or you know you were having a baby or your daughter was having a baby, of course, you could get away, you know, not come to masterminds. Still, everyone knew it was best to make a solid commitment to their schedule, so that was one of our rules.
4:00Another rule was that nothing that was said in the group was ever to be repeated out of the group, so it gave you a sense of privacy, and you know you could be more vulnerable. And let’s see what else. There was no cross-talk. People say, don’t yuck on someone else’s yum. So we wouldn’t criticize what someone else was up to. We might ask questions to help them think more thoroughly about an idea or offer them support.
We had two meetings a month. We met on Saturday or Sunday, usually for three hours, and everybody got a big chunk of time there. Plus, we would have time to get to know each other and engage socially, which was a really important part of it.
5:00And then, alternating two weeks, we would have a quick breakfast at a little diner restaurant. Those breakfasts were a check-in. What commitments did you make? Because that was the final part I’ll tell you about: At every meeting, we would make a commitment that we would have to keep in order to, you know, come back and feel really good about ourselves at the next meeting.
It was an accountability group, and it’s really important to set one up for yourself if you want to have long-term, sustained success. I did that for 13 years.
Since then, I’ve been in several groups. I’m in an accountability lab that meets every morning with Jan Griffiths and several other people. We meet at 7:07. It’s not a mastermind, but it’s kind of got a piece of the mastermind process, which is the accountability piece. We get together at 7:07. Sometimes, there are two of us on the call. Sometimes, there are six.
6:00Everybody talks about what they want to commit to that day, personally, professionally, and then the mindset. And you go through that, you write it down. And then the next morning, you come back and report. How did you do the day before? And what are your personal and professional commitments and your mindset for that day?
I’ve been doing that for a while, and it’s really changed how I look at my business and how our business is growing. It got me off the sofa as a freelancer and into an office. We now have three employees, plus my husband and me as my business partners. And we’re doing great things. Accountability helped me get there.
If you have big dreams, accountability partners are huge. A mastermind is a really good place to find accountability and support all kinds of other things. So I don’t want to give you massive details on how to do it because there are lots of different ways.
7:00I just joined another one. It’s a global mastermind group through Morning Coach, which is JB Glossinger’s group. If you’ve not heard of Morning Coach, I highly recommend you find his podcast. He does a daily podcast. He’s got a community, and it’s affordable if you’re just starting your career. He’s got a community full of resources, accountability tools, productivity, and great stuff. So I highly recommend you check them out.
But I joined his masterminds group, which is global masterminds. I think he’s got two of those with 10 people in each one. We’ve got people in Denmark. I know one is in Australia, and I believe all over the world. We bring ourselves and whatever we’re working on at that point to a weekly call. And then we stay together in touch on Slack with messages and check-ins, and there are health challenges.
There are some people that are going trying to go without drinking any alcohol for extended periods. Others that are making commitments to health or something like that. So I made a commitment to get this podcast recorded. So I thought, why not do this podcast about masterminds? Because they’re such a wonderful tool.
8:00If you don’t know how to start one or go look on Google, you’ll find instructions. If you want to start one with a group of friends and you want to set your own rules and maybe they’re unique to that group, go for it. You have to start somewhere. It may not be perfect at first. It may have to evolve. You’ll see people come in and out before our group settles. So there may be some tumultuous times at the beginning.
If you can’t start your own or you’re not interested in starting your own, then I would suggest you go to places like Meetup, Eventbrite, or LinkedIn and look for groups that you can join. Then, search online to find out if there are mastermind groups that you can join as a paid option.
There are individuals out there who run mastermind groups. You can find them on the internet. You go meet them, see if the goals for their mastermind program are similar to what you’d want to get out of it. And if so, give it a try. Don’t sign anything permanent. Don’t make it a year commitment, but try it for 30 days and see if it’s a fit.
9:00There are tons of different ways to do masterminds. They will amplify whatever you’re doing, escalate your career progression, and help you reach goals that you’ve never thought you would reach.
I never thought I’d be running my own company, and I certainly didn’t think I would have full-time employees and have to pay taxes on them and all those crazy financial things. I’m a creative person, so it’s been really interesting running a company, but I’m doing it, and I’m really enjoying it. I have support all around me in the form of the groups that I’ve set up that really share my passion for making things happen.
10:00So that’s what I’ve got for you today. It’s a little short, but keep listening and visit my website at WorkMomSays.com. I have a contact form there. I’d love to hear from you. If you have an idea for a guest or you would like to show up on the show yourself, please contact me there.
I’m also an open networker on LinkedIn. I would love to connect. Just message me with your connection request, indicating that you are responding to having listened to the Work Mom Says podcast.
And last but not least, please leave me a rating or a review. Podcasters live on our reviews. We’d love to know that you’re listening, that you’re enjoying yourself, that we’re giving you valuable, useful information. So that’s all I’ve got for you today. Thanks again for listening. See you soon.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 33 – Master Your Mind with Masterminds appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
In the first episode of 2024, join Work Mom Lori Jo Vest as she urges you to become 100% responsible for your career and your success. From the myth of job security to the importance of career cushioning and side hustles, she offers many ways to take full control of your career.
Themes discussed in this episode* There’s no such thing as job security * Entrepreneurship = most independence and job security * Don’t be afraid of the side hustle * The power of career cushioning * Don’t wait to take control of your career
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
4:00 – Job security doesn’t exist: When you’re working for someone else, you are always at risk of losing a job.
7:00 – Entrepreneurship = independence: Working for yourself gives you the most independence and the most control over your career.
9:00 – Don’t be afraid of the side hustle: Side hustles can be a second revenue stream, expand your skill set, and even turn into your full-time career!
11:30 – Career cushioning: Make sure your LinkedIn, resume, and portfolio are always up to date, so you can be ready if something happens.
12:30 – Don’t wait: If you want to launch a side hustle or monetize a hobby, start now! It can only help you grow your skills the earlier you start
Top Quotes4:45 – I had thought that I had job security. It was a huge lesson in the fact that there really is no such thing. Anything can happen at any time. A business can lose a client. Somebody can die. Somebody can leave the company, your boss can decide to move on to a new position, and the person replacing them doesn’t like you so much. Things happen.
6:00 – All those secure positions were not secure at all. And there really wasn’t a secure position unless I made it myself, unless I created it unless I owned the opportunity, I wouldn’t be able to have true independence.
7:40 – If you want true independence, building your own is… the most rewarding and the most responsible way to do it. You have the most control over your career situation when you’re an entrepreneur.
9:00 – I highly recommend side hustles. They give you a side revenue stream. So if something happens and you get laid off, you have some money to pay your bills. There are a lot of things you can do on the side to make money.
10:45 – If you were to do a side hustle, what would you enjoy doing? What hobbies could you monetize? What skills do you want to develop?
13:00 – The worst of all the best possible outcomes is that maybe you get a raise at your current position or you get promoted because your skills are higher. You’re more enthusiastic. You are learning things faster, and you’re more committed to your career
14:00 – You are 100% responsible for what happens. How you respond is what determines what happens. And you are in control. Don’t ever forget it. It might not feel that way. Keep trying that on and eventually it will feel very comfortable because you are in control of your career.
LinksCheck out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.
Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!
Transcript[1:00]
Hello, and thank you for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says Don’t Be an Idiot. I’m Lori Jo Vest, your host and work mom. I want to talk today about your independence and also the responsibility that comes with that independence. And I’ll start with telling you about a book that I read, oh, probably 20 years ago.
Jack Canfield has a book about creating your life. And one of the things that he says very early on is that you are 100% responsible for whatever happens in your life. And I remember reading that and going, no, I’m not 100% responsible.This person did that and that person did this and this person did this and all these things happened.
[2:00]
Well, you can look at it that way or I could look at it and think, well, I did create the ability to go to college. I searched for financial aid. I studied and took the tests and got in and I got my degree. I was better able to get a job because I had been responsible enough to get the degree, pursue the funding, follow through. And then I’ve gotten jobs ever since I started right after college.
I’ve had really good jobs. I’ve had not so great jobs. I’ve had secure jobs. I’ve had not so secure jobs. But I’ve always been responsible for what happened with my career, how I performed at work, that’s on me, what positions I chose to accept or pursue, that was on me.
So I want to encourage you to really back away from the, you know, the really close up lens of
having to have a job in order to have a career. And I’m also going to ask you to challenge
your own thinking on what it means to have job security or does job security even exist?
So I’m going to leave you with those two things. Then we’re going to wander off over here and I’m going to tell you a little bit about my own experience.
[3:00]
I always believed that I had to have a job. I had to have a career. I could go through the rise through the ranks of a corporation. I could become a managing director of an organization, but I would be working for someone else because that felt secure. They were taking the risks.
So I went through probably a 35-year career doing that and believing that a job meant security.
Working for a company that wasn’t mine meant security.
And at one point, back in the early 2000s, I was working for a small television production studio. Well, I was there for about 11 years. I was running the company. Most of the people who worked there I had hired. The week before that same company owner had given me a really positive review, he said in a meeting that I took care of his company exactly like he did and how lucky he felt to have me.
[4:00]
And then a week and a half later, he called me in for a seven o’clock meeting on a Monday morning and said, it’s time. And I said, time for what? Well, I knew it was coming because I’d gotten, you know, the grapevine, grapevines run fast, just say it that way. The grapevine had gotten to me. And then he set a meeting for seven o’clock on a Monday morning, which was highly unusual in our business. And I just kind of knew it was coming. So we had the meeting. He let me go. He said it was a financial decision and I was out on my butt and I had thought that I had job security.
It was a huge lesson in the fact that there really is no such thing. Anything can happen at any time. A business can lose a client. Um, somebody can die. Um, somebody can leave the company, your boss can decide to move on to a new position, and then the person that replaces them doesn’t like you so much. I mean, things happen.
[5:00]
So after losing this job that I’d had for 11 years and was really comfortable in, but I think I knew
I’d outgrown it already, but a lot of times we ignore those things for comfort. The next opportunity I took I thought I was going to do really well. And I was bringing in business and I’d been there about six months and they decided to do pay cuts in the sales department. Not very smart, but that’s what they decided to do.
And I said, well, I’m going to be cleaning up my office this afternoon then. And I left.I mean, it was a 30% pay cut and there was no good reason for it. It was just a decision that they were making. And so I left the company.
But the next opportunity after that was working for an ad agency. Super excited about it. They just got the client, but it was a solid relationship. They were doing all kinds of work for them, websites and social media and apps and just all kinds of really great work. This was back in 2012.
[6:00]
And that job lasted six years until, oops, the client decided to downsize the account. And I was called into a room with 12 other people and let go. Well, by this point, I was 54 years old. Oh, man.That’s a point in your career where you hope to be kind of winding down or in a solid corporate leadership position that you can stay in for a long time.
And I wasn’t. I was booted out of that job and left to decide, do I look for a job somewhere else at 54? Or do I start my own business? And I made the choice to start my own business.
And what I realized is that all those secure positions were not secure at all. And there really wasn’t a secure position unless I made it myself, unless I created it, unless I owned the opportunity, I wouldn’t be able to have true independence. And so that’s been about six years ago.
[7:00]
And let me tell you, it’s been… absolutely a roller coaster, but it also feels more secure than anything I’ve ever done. When we have a client come in that is, you know, acting like an asshole, let’s just be real about it. People do that sometimes. I have the ability to say, we’ve got to part ways because I don’t like the way you’re treating us or the way you’re treating our staff.
And that type of freedom comes with a high level of responsibility because if you don’t have motivation, if you’re not someone who’s very accountable to tasks and to being at your desk at, you know, 7.30 or 8.30 or whatever and staying, you know, working 50, 60 hours for the first couple of years, you won’t make it. However, if you want true independence, building your own is… the most rewarding and the most responsible way to do it.
[8:00]
You have the most control over your career situation when you’re an entrepreneur. You just do. So why am I selling independence? So that if you do get laid off from your first or second or third job, I mean, it happens. Sometimes you think something looks really great and two weeks later they let you go because they had a big change.
So what can you do now to prepare yourself in the future? Lots of things. I started a side hustle. I wrote a customer service book with a lovely co-author, Marilyn Suttle, in 2008. And we did some customer service training. And we did some workshops. We developed an online course with a company called Business Training Experts. We did speaking engagements. And it really helped me elevate my skill set, elevate the proof of what I knew and what my talents were so that when it came time to, to make a job change, there was a lot more there to show than just here’s a job I’ve had.
[9:00]
So it, you know, I, it really worked for me to do that side hustle. So I highly recommend them. And also that you have maybe a side revenue stream. So if something does happen, you get laid off. you’ve got some money to pay your bills. There’s a lot of things you can do on the side to make money. And I’ll give you a couple of examples, people that I know.
I have a friend that discovered an amazing ability to paint. She took it up as a hobby about five years ago, and she still works in advertising, but she also sells these beautiful paintings in galleries on a regular basis I have another really great friend that got into pottery and now she’s does art fairs on the weekend and she’s transitioning to being uh you know a potter i guess that’s what you’d call them to being a pot thrower um 100% of the time.
I have another friend that you know started writing mermaid fiction. She’s a graphic designer and she wrote a couple of books. She knew she could write. She wrote a couple of books and she ended up, instead of being a graphic designer in television and, you know, motion video, she moved into being a communication director at one of the larger local churches here in Metro Detroit. Loves her job and is so happy there.
[10:00]
And, you know, as a graphic designer in television, the pressure’s really high. But she found a job that really suited her by expanding her skill set.
So a couple questions to ask yourself. If you were to do a side hustle, What do you enjoy doing? What hobbies could you monetize? What skills do you want to develop?
My friend that used to work in television graphics knew she could write. She wrote mermaid fiction and had a really nice audience. She used that side hustle, you know, and that hobby to
completely change her career into something that required both graphic design and writing.
[11:00]
So what are you interested in real estate? Do you like animals? Do you possibly have an interest in pet sitting or house sitting or, you know, dog walking? What side hustle could you create that allows you to do something you really enjoy and create a revenue stream?
And while you may not need that revenue stream right now, there’s a new trend. I read about it in Fast Company. I think it was in December 2023, an article on what they call career cushioning, which again, I highly recommend. And what career cushioning is, is making sure that your portfolio, your resume, everything is up to date at all times. Your LinkedIn profile is up to date and you’re active there so that if something happens, you’re ready.
And career cushioning can also include looking for or preparing for another position. So by being 100% responsible for what happens in your career, including, you know, really looking at all of your options and expanding your skillset and expanding your ways to make money. That’s how you create a hundred percent responsibility mindset towards your career. And it will lead you places you have no idea you wanted to go.
[12:00]
And the other thing is, looking back now, what I see that I didn’t see before is that I could have
done this 20 years earlier. And I probably could have been much more successful had I started sooner. Now, would I have all the skills that I have at this point or when I started, you know, PopSpeed Digital Marketing? Would I have had all those skills? No, but I would have developed them.
So I guess one of the things that I’m saying as your work mom is don’t wait. If you have any idea that your industry is a little turbulent or that you may eventually want to do something completely different, start now. Start with a side hustle. Start with a hobby that you can monetize.Put some effort into this career cushioning trend and see what you can make happen for yourself.
[13:00]
Because the worst thing that can happen, in my opinion, the worst of all the best possible outcomes, is that maybe you get a, you know, a raise at your current position or you get promoted because your skills are higher. You’re, you know, more enthusiastic. You are learning things faster and you’re more committed to your career. You are a hundred percent responsible for what happens in your career and in your life.
That’s where the gold is. So think of your career in that way. You are 100% responsible for what happens. How you respond is what determines what happens. And you are in control. So, work mom says you are in control. Don’t ever forget it. It might not feel that way. Keep trying that on and eventually it will feel very comfortable because you are in control of your career.
[14:00]
So that’s what I’ve got for you today. Let’s see. We have a website at workmomsays.com.
I would love to have you visit and fill out a contact form and tell me what you’d like me to talk about. Are there guests you’d like us to have on?
I’m also an open networker on LinkedIn under Lori Jo Vest. Would love to hear from you. You can suggest guests or ask questions of me there as well. And we’ll be back with another episode soon. Signing off
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 32 – You’re 100% Responsible for Your Career appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
Are you a recent college graduate interested in starting your career with your best foot forward? Do you have a few years of experience and are looking for tips on getting that next big promotion? Either way, this episode is for you!
Carolyn Sauer, Director of Business Development at Schaltbau GmbH, joins Work Mom to discuss her 10 guiding principles for jumpstarting your career and standing out as an asset at work. From the importance of timely and accurate work to being a great, empathetic communicator and becoming a valuable asset to your team, we cover a ton of ground.
Themes discussed in this episode* Early in your career, your job is to make your boss’ job easier * If your work is accurate AND timely, you’re already way ahead of your peers * Accountability, proactiveness, and resourcefulness = Carolyn’s top 3 traits in new hires * Strong communication skills, empathy, and team-focused behavior go a long way * Those who add value to the company get promotions
Featured GuestExpert Guest: Carolyn Sauer
Title: Director of Business Development at Schaltbau GmbH
What She Does: As Director of Business Development, Carolyn Sauer leads Marketing and Communications strategy development and works with customers and prospects to help solve their high-voltage challenges.
Connect: You can find her on LinkedIn.
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
5:15 – How can I make my boss’ life easier: Your job is 50% your listed job responsibilities and 50% doing anything you can to help free up your boss’ time.
7:00 – Accuracy and timeliness go hand in hand: If your work is on time but it’s full of errors that someone else must fix, it’s not actually on time.
11:30 – Carolyn’s top traits in new hires: If you are accountable, resourceful, and proactive, you will be an easily trainable asset to any team.
14:40 – Email syndrome: You have to be empathetic, a strong communicator, and team-focused in order to truly excel at work.
20:00 – Value Added: Want to get promoted? You have to be a valuable asset who is tenacious, empathetic, and a creative problem solver. You must add value to the company in order to last and move up the career ladder.
Top Quotes5:10 – What I noticed is, I mean, you’ve heard the old adage, common sense isn’t so common, is that a lot of people, even if they’ve been in their careers for maybe 10 or 20 years, may not really truly understand why these specific things are so critical because no one told them.
6:30 – I have my job description, but that’s part of what I do. The rest is how do I help? What do you need me to do? Where can I pitch in? You know, when you see a team is very busy planning for a presentation or an event, maybe you don’t have experience with it, but you still want to ask, how can I help?
7:50 – Early in my career as a manager, I cannot tell you the number of times I had projects or presentations turned into me at the very last minute they were due. They were on time. But then there were mistakes and there were errors that needed to be fixed. And so if it’s not accurate, it’s not on time.
9:30 – I am not your teacher. I am your manager. Hopefully your coach. Hopefully your mentor. I’m not your teacher. I don’t want to receive something back from you, red line it. and give it back and try it again. That’s not how the business world operates. If I had time to do that, I would have time to do it myself, and I don’t; that’s why I hired you.
11:20 – No matter what position I’m hiring for, I look for someone who can be accountable, proactive and resourceful. If you have those three things, I can train you on anything else.
16:45 – Being a nice, pleasant nudge is an incredibly valuable part of the communication process, especially early in your career when it’s your responsibility to get something done, but you may not have the authority to demand people respond to you. You just have to be persistent.
18:10 – What you’re assigned to may be really important to somebody, but not to most people on your team that you have to get information from, so you’ve got to be persuasive.
22:00 – They’re creative problem solvers. They’re tenacious. They’re empathetic. They’re stellar communicators. Those are the ones that get promoted. Those are the people that you look to who can take things on when you’re not around and handle them well in a way that adds value to the situation.
LinksCheck out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.
Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!
Transcript[00:00:00]
Hello, everybody. And thank you so much for joining us for this episode of work. Mom says, don’t be an idiot. This is going to be a really, really good episode for career newbies. But I also think there’s room for people who may be in their career and are wondering what they can do to jumpstart their career to get ahead of people around you. It’s not that hard.
So what I would just as an introduction want to share is jumpstarting your career is about who you are at the office. Are you the problem solver or the troublemaker? Are you the complainer or the person who gets things done? Do you get your work done or do you get it done really well?
[00:01:00]
And those kinds of questions are the questions that people who excel in their careers ask themselves on a daily basis. Um, you’ve got to be paying attention to how you behave at work and also pay attention to kind of figuring out what would make you stand out. And that’s what we’re going to talk about today.
So I have with me Carolyn Sauer. Carolyn is with Schaltbau GmbH North America. And a long-time friend of this podcast and me personally. And I really think Carolyn’s got some really great advice. She speaks to college students and she’s also in a hiring position. And, you know, has a few years of her career behind her.
So, Carolyn, say hello and tell us a little bit about yourself. Hi, LoriJo. Thanks for having me on. Uh, yes, just a few years I have on me. I’ve, uh, been in the sales and marketing and the automotive industry for, um, 24 years and, uh, in a variety of capacities. Um, so some of them, you know, related more to marketing, some more related to sales.
[00:02:00]I’ve fluctuated between both over the years, uh, and really have enjoyed both. So now, uh, Tell me how, where did these guiding principles that we are going to talk about today come from? Yes, so this is an interesting story. So one of my tasks when I was at North American Lighting as a manager of sales administration and marketing, was to create a year round internship program so that we would have bench support when we are looking at hiring full time employees.
Um, you know, there was never a shortage of candidates, but there was always a shortage of the right candidates. And so we wanted to groom our own talent, bring them in, teach them our methods, and then hopefully, if all goes well, be able to hire them full time. You know, once they’ve graduated as part of that.
[00:03:00]Yes. So, as part of that, um, you know, in that hiring process, as we were onboarding, you know, new interns every semester, I found that a lot of them did not have experience having ever worked In an office environment, they had typically done retail or worked in a restaurant while they were, you know, saving money.
And it’s a very different environment and a very different atmosphere. Because when you’re in retail or restaurant, your duties are. Right now, you just, you do them, you knock them out, you go home, you forget about them. And that’s not exactly how it is in sales and marketing and the automotive industry.
So once we started onboarding very different, right? So once we started onboarding them, I realized they really need some type of guidance. Of course, we wrote a very specific job description so that they had their own responsibilities. But beyond the job description, I think it was helpful for them to know what was expected of them.
[00:04:00]And, you know, if you want to be successful in a leadership position, or as a manager setting those expectations is the 1st step. And so I came up with 10 guiding principles and really. Shared them with my entire team as a way to say, Hey, you know, including the interns, we had a meeting, we launched this and said, these are the 10 guiding principles of how we need to behave in the workplace in order to get things done in order to have fun and be successful there.
These are basic things, and that’s really how they originated. But what I noticed is, I mean, you’ve heard the old adage, common sense isn’t so common, is that a lot of people, even if they’ve been in their careers for maybe 10 or 20 years, may not really truly understand why these specific things are so critical because no one told them.
[00:05:00]And so maybe they’re wondering why they didn’t promote it, right? Yes, exactly. I think, you know, that’s something all of us as managers come across is what, you know, the question when someone expects to be going to that next level of their career, why, why not me? And it’s something that you can plan for ahead of time, just following some of these basic.
You know, guidelines, but you’re right. And that’ll, I love, I love the common sense comment because I don’t think I actually acquired common sense until I was in my early twenties. That was definitely something that alluded me and needed to be gained through experience. I think I was well into my thirties, but anyway.
We don’t need to go there. No. So let’s, yeah, no thanks. I’ve talked about my train wreck 20s plenty on this podcast. So let’s talk about, let’s get, let’s just dive right in. Um, what are the first three things that you talk about as very Basic things that people need to understand. So the very basic, the very basic, basic premise, you have been hired to do a job in order to help the company achieve its goals.
[00:06:00]And I always looked at it as how can I free up my boss’s time, right? My boss is super busy. He or she is doing a lot of activities, some of which they should be focused on. Some of which they shouldn’t, but are doing it because no one else is. So at the very basis, it’s important to understand your job is really to free up your boss’s time.
And how do you do that? So the, the three principles for that are, you know, one, it’s just, like you said, common sense, right? How can I help here? I have my job description, but that’s part of what I do. The rest is how do I help? What do you need me to do? Where can I pitch in? You know, when you see a team is very busy planning for a presentation or an event, maybe you don’t have experience with it, but you still want to ask, how can I help?
[00:07:00]And how can I help is what’s always going to get you to understanding the bigger picture, the bigger goals of the company and how you are contributing to that. Absolutely. And I would add that if you become the person that people know is willing to jump in and help, it helps you create those strong relationships that you really need at the office to get promoted.
So helpful. It really does. It does. And so the, the second two are accurate and timely. And the reason I like to talk about these together are because early in my career as a manager, I cannot tell you the number of times I had projects or presentations turned into me at the very last minute they were due.
[00:08:00]They were on time. But then there were mistakes and there were errors that needed to be fixed and there were formatting things that needed to be fixed. And so if it’s not accurate, it’s not on time. And that’s something that I think is really hard for people to understand to say, okay, this project I’m working on is due tomorrow.
I’m going to turn it in early, or I’m going to have my colleague look at it and do a sanity check to make sure that when I turn it in. It’s ready to be delivered to the audience it is intended for. And so those again are really just, you know, at the basic heart of my work needs to be on time and it needs to be accurate.
[00:09:00]And if I can focus on doing those two things while being helpful, that is a really sound basis that will set you up for success once you get to the other. guiding principles. Absolutely. And just to go back to what I said earlier, because I do love repetition is accurate and timely are two very important things because what happens and what I hear have heard often and I’ve had a lot of, um, I’ve led a lot of teams is rushing to get it done, turning it in, moving on to something else, not realizing that rushing to get it done causes mistakes that can then kind of domino effect into other people’s workplaces.
You know, you put the wrong file up, but somebody had to add it. So they edited the wrong file and now they have to do it again. So accuracy, right? Just as important as timely because having to do it again or having to have your boss fix it. I mean, I’ve, I’ve say this all the time. I am not your teacher. I am your manager.
Hopefully your coach. Hopefully your mentor. I’m not your teacher. I don’t want to receive something back from you red line it and give it back and try it again. That’s not it. How the business world operates. If I had time to do that, I would have time to do it myself and I don’t, that’s why I hired you.
[00:10:00]So it’s really, really important to have that timely and accurate. And there seems to be a mindset of, you know, I need to get this all done and I’m checking the boxes. But again, if you haven’t taken the time to check your work or set it aside and come back to it a few hours later and really looked at it and you turn it in and there’s errors, it’s not as helpful as you think.
Absolutely. Absolutely. Let’s keep going. Now you’ve got another three that can make you stand out, right? These are really good for standing out. So, yeah, so these, these next 3 are, um. Really interesting to me because over the years I have interviewed hundreds of people for hundreds of different positions, whether they were applying for an entry level coordinator position, uh, a mid level, you know, marketing or sales position, a manager position.
[00:11:00]I often get the question, what are, what are you looking for in this job, in this role, in this position? And it surprises people when I tell them, I look for the same 3 things, no matter what position I’m hiring for. I look for someone that can be accountable, proactive and resourceful and those 3 things If you have that, I can train you on anything else, but I think that they’re very important because, you know, we talk about timely and accurate part of that falls into the next one, which is being accountable.
You know, you need to take ownership of your job. If I have 12 direct reports and I’m managing all of them, I don’t have time to manage their day to day. I don’t want to micromanage them. You don’t want me to micromanage you. You need to understand. What your priorities are, what needs to be done and take responsibility and ownership for it.
[00:12:00]And beyond that, you know, there may not always be time to get detailed training. You know, I might just give you minimal pieces of information and throw that over the wall and. That requires that you then be proactive and say, Oh, you know, this is what I need to do next on this project. And this is what I have to figure out and then to be resourceful because I don’t always have the answers.
Um, and if I have to look it up. You could look it up just as easily. So, you know, understanding where to go, you know, can I look this up online? There are so many tools now online with Google and chat GPT and, you know, cautionary tale, you do have to check accuracy of those tools as well. But at the same time, there are so many resources at your fingertips, you know, dig into it, figure out what you can, and then.
Not only are you being, um, a better supporter for the team, but how, how much more proud of yourself are you when you can say. You did this on your own with minimal input and minimal direction. And so it’s really a win for the team member and the manager, and it’s a great way to be working together.
[00:13:00]Absolutely. I always say, Google is your friend. So if you need to learn how to take really good meeting minutes, go to Google. You need a format for a budget report, go to Google. You need to know what a marketing plan looks like, go to Google. And you’ll find so many examples of those kinds of documents and things that you may be subjected to.
You may be told to go create, um, by looking at all the things that are already out there and then creating one that’s your own. Um, but Google is always your friend. Be the person who can, can find the answer. And that takes practice. That just takes doing it. So, all right, what else you got for us, Carolyn?
[00:14:00]Um, so these next three, I like to categorize as, um, I sent an email syndrome because in addition to being proactive and resourceful and all of these other things, when you’re working on a project, it’s very far and few between that you are working on it by yourself and we’ll be able to complete it by yourself.
There are a lot of opportunities to work in teams, to work in groups. Um, some people that are in your department, some that are outside of your department, some that are customers and. There’s nothing more frustrating as a manager, um, as going to someone and saying, Hey, how’s this project going? You know, it’s coming up to the deadline and getting a response that’s, Oh, I sent an email and sending the email was not the, that wasn’t the assignment.
Right. So, yeah, I get it. Now you’re, you’re running into roadblocks. That’s a different discussion. So these 3 are to communicate, empathize and be team focused. So within. Communication, it’s a 2 way street. There’s a lot of opportunity when you’re sending an email or texting a friend for there to be 1 way communication.
[00:15:00]But when the communication I’m talking about here between, you know, you and your boss is listening, understanding the point of the assignment, what needs to be done asking questions and also, you know, listening really, you know, listening to what. Each person is saying, maybe even repeating it back. I think you told me to do X.
Is that correct? Yes, that’s correct. So now you have the same basis, but it’s incumbent upon you as the employee to make sure that you are communicating clearly and that you understand the assignment. So that is, um, that’s the essence of, of communication, two way communication. Make sure you got it, write it down.
[00:16:00]If you have to obviously ask questions, if you don’t understand it, or you need to clarify, um, but make that effort to do that. Absolutely. Yeah. I think communication, um, outgoing communication, what I’ve seen is, you know, the, I sent an email syndrome is what happens is a lot of the people just coming out of college might not understand how incredibly important it is to learn how to be a soft nudge to get the reply.
Yes. That if you send a reply, you send an email out to somebody and they don’t answer. That doesn’t mean that you’re bugging them if you call them or send out another email, it may mean they’re so busy that if you can’t get to the top of their inbox, you are never going to get your concern managed. So two way communication and being a nudge, a nice, soft.
Pleasant nudge is an incredibly valuable part of the communication process, especially early in your career when it’s your responsibility to get something done, but you may not have the authority to demand people respond to you. You just have to be persistent. So, yeah, exactly. And that’s exactly where.
[00:17:00]Being empathetic and team focused comes in. Um, you know, you really need to understand that just because you need information from this engineer doesn’t mean he has nothing better to do than sit around waiting for your email and responding to you. He has a whole nother set of priorities that are over here that look nothing like what you need to get done.
And so you really need to look at it from their perspective to say, okay, it How can I help you to get this done? Is there somewhere I can go to get this answer without bugging you? You know, um, and we used to call it, we used to joke at NAL, we used to call it the three prong attack, I mean, approach, um, three prongs being the email didn’t work, then pick up the phone, number two, and number three, go camp out at their desk, and in the time that you’re chatting with them, they can probably get it done.
[00:18:00]You know, so there’s different ways to approach it. And like you said, it, it has to be a softer nudge. It can’t be demanding. And especially if you’re in a lower level position, like that’s a real hard way to try and earn respect when you’re in a lower level position, demanding that someone else do something when you don’t understand that’s not their core job, they’re going to be doing this to help you, you know?
So I think. You know that. And that, that your priorities don’t always line up with everyone else’s. Exactly. You know, what you’re, you’re, what, what you’re assigned to may be really important to somebody, but not to most people on your team that you have to get information from. Exactly. So you’ve got to.
You’ve got to be persuasive. I mean, you have to have all kinds of great communication skills. I really, really recommend that young people take communications classes, business communications, read articles about it. Um, if you have a problem, you’re like, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, you know, sent an email to this person six times and they still haven’t replied.
[00:19:00]Yeah. Go to Google. How can I get somebody to reply to my email? I have clients where I put. Urgent in uppercase letters in the subject line with a colon and then my message or please reply because there are times that will stand out, you know, so there’s a lot of different ways to skin the cat. Right. Um, all right.
So basically. It’s a lot. A lot.
Oh, I was going to say, even, even in my current role as a business development director at Schaltbau, there have been times when I’m not getting a response from customers that I need to be able to give an update to. And I will go to my boss and say, Hey, is it okay if I copy you on this? Because maybe them just seeing your name will trigger something.
Or can we try calling them from your office? Because maybe they’ll answer. From your number, you know, you don’t know. You don’t know. Sometimes people are hierarchical and they’re, they’re like not going to be bothering to, Oh, well now the president wants to talk to me. I’ll call, I’ll see what he wants to do.
[00:20:00]So it doesn’t hurt. Just like you said to, to go back and say, okay. How can I get in touch with this person? I’ve tried this, this, this, and this, can I pull you in on it? And it’s okay to do that. Um, yeah, and that’s where, um, so then we kind of transition into, you know, the team focus because we’ve already established that.
Everyone on the team has their own set of priorities, and you really do have to consider how your work is impacting others. A lot of times, work is a process. So person A will start it. They might come up with a format, pass it off to person B and C to fill in information. But if you didn’t do it right from the, from the beginning, then the next people downstream for you from you will also have to redo that activity.
[00:21:00]And that really impedes efficiency and causes a lot of frustration. So it is important to recognize what you’re doing is going to impact somebody else and think about it from their perspective as well. Absolutely. So how do you want to wrap this up? What’s the, the, what’s the 10th principle? So this is like the culmination of Everything like you have mastered these nine principles, you are nailing it.
And now you are considered number 10. You are value added. You are saving the company money. You’re saving the company time. You’re being helpful. You’re knocking it out of the park and really contributing to the overall success of the company, whether it’s directly or indirectly. And that’s what we are really seeking.
You know, when hiring someone as someone that’s going to add value to the organization, bring your ideas, bring your creativity. You know, think about how you’re contributing to the profitability of the organization and every step that you’re taking and how it does that. And once you have that, then you’re ready to, you know, ask for that next level of promotion, ask for that next career shift in a, in a different direction, because you’re able to understand.
[00:22:00]What you’re really bringing to the table. Absolutely. Yeah. That value being that value added person. I mean, when you go into, when you run a company, say you manage a small company or department, you know, who your power players are. You may have seven people, you may have three power players. Those are the ones that have all these things nailed.
They’re creative problem solvers. They’re tenacious. They’re empathetic. They, they’re stellar communicators. Those are the ones that get promoted. Those are the people that you look to that can take things on when you’re not, when you’re not around and handle them well. in a way that adds value to the situation.
So anything else about those principles that you want to drop here, Carolyn?
[00:23:00]Um, good question. I think we pretty well covered them. I think it really, it just starts again at the essence of being helpful and how to transition that into being a value added employee once you’ve gotten your feet on the ground and have been in the position for a while and continue to develop it.
Yeah, and I would add that if you think you’ve heard all this before, consider how are you really applying what you know, because a lot of us know that we need to communicate, we need to follow up, we need to do these things. You may have heard it before, but how are you applying it? Are you at 100%, even 90%?
I always say attendance is 90 percent of the grade. So if you’re even doing it at a 90 percent level, you’re good to go and you will stand out, right? Just show up, just show up and be present. That is so important. Half the battle. All right. So we want to close out with Carolyn’s best piece of advice she’s ever received that has helped her in her career.
[00:24:00]Go ahead. Yes. So this, this goes. I was back quite a few years. I was working at a small family owned company called Ray Lighting and I was going to school full time so I was paying my way through Oakland University and at the time I was working in a part time role, saw an opportunity to move into something totally different that was full time with this company and asked my dad for some advice and he said, Carolyn, You just got to tell them how good you are, because if you don’t tell them, they don’t know and they don’t even know you’re interested.
So that was, I mean, simple advice, but really eye opening, you know, you may think that because you’re achieving things and doing well in your current role, that you’ll automatically be considered for something different. But if your boss doesn’t know that you’re interested, they may not think about you.
So you have to go in and ask for it. And I did, I went in and I said. You know, these are the things I’ve accomplished in this role. This is what I want to do. And then, and you know, this full time role and why I think it would be a good fit and they took a chance on me and they gave it to me, but it really could not be their way.
[00:25:00]The rest is history. The rest is history. I moved on from there and did all kinds of things with other lighting. And yes, absolutely. Yeah. It really, it really does. You gotta advocate for yourself. You do. I have a friend who was in advertising and she was a copywriter at an ad agency and she was, became known as one of the longest employees at Campbell Ewald.
And People, they do, they do layoffs twice a year. So if you can stay there for like 20 or 30 years, which she did, one of the things that she did was every Friday she would send an email to her boss. These are the things I’ve accomplished this week. Here’s an update on what I did this week. And I’ve always thought that that was connected to her longevity because she didn’t have to, you know, you can’t expect your boss to necessarily know what you’re accomplishing as much as you do day to day.
[00:26:00]So it’s a lot easier to just kind of keep that path of information flow and let them know. So it really, it really is. It’s actually a good point. I, I. Typically have in the past and still try to continue to encourage my team to keep an evidence file of evidence of things they’ve done well, or things that they’ve achieved, or if they did a really awesome presentation or project, put it in a folder or save it online in a folder, because at the end of the year, when their boss is giving reviews, they don’t necessarily remember what 12 different people did.
They know what stands out, but not necessarily all of it. And you want to be able to have that to say. This is what I’ve done so that they remember and then they think of you for those next challenging opportunities. Absolutely. So sing your own praises. Don’t worry about the egos. Yeah. Sing your own praises.
[00:27:00]Don’t be humble to the boss. Yeah. Humble. They don’t know. They don’t know how good you are until you tell them. Exactly. Alright, guys, thank you so much for joining us. This is our, uh, wrap up for this episode. I’m Lori Jo Vest, AKA Work Mom. Please visit my website at work. Mom says.com. I have a book on Amazon work.
Mom says, don’t be an idiot. 38 lessons. You don’t want to learn the hard way. Um, pick up a copy of that for yourself or your favorite recent graduate or soon to be recent graduate and get in touch with me there. I have a contact form and I’d love to hear what you want me to talk about. Who do you want me to talk to?
Um, if you think you’d make a great guest on the show, please submit your name. I’m an open networker on LinkedIn, so please connect with me there. Carolyn, you too. Are you an open networker on LinkedIn? Absolutely. Absolutely connect with me. Yeah. And Carolyn does a lot of, uh, mentoring young, you know, young, recent college graduates.
[00:28:00]
Not that I’m telling you all to flock to her, but you know, if you have a question or something, you can be willing to answer. Yeah, exactly. I always have time to answer questions for curious minds that want to be successful. I’m happy to help in any way I can. Absolutely. So thank you. And we’ll be back with another episode soon.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 31 – Jumpstarting Your Career appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
Join Work Mom for a discussion about all things imposter syndrome. From what imposter syndrome is to how it impacts young professionals to a few practical tips for overcoming it, she covers a ton of ground in the latest episode.
Themes discussed in this episode* What is imposter syndrome? * The degrees of imposter syndrome * Making friends with your imposter syndrome * Symptoms of imposter syndrome * Times where I have experienced and overcame it * Practical tips for overcoming it
Resources Mentioned in the Episode* Little Voice Mastery by Blair Singer * The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It by Dr. Valerie Young * Follow Benjamin Hardy on LinkedIn
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
1:30 – Definition of imposter syndrome: It’s a psychological phenomenon in which a person doubts their intelligence and accomplishments despite evidence to the contrary.
2:20 – Make friends with your imposter syndrome: If you really want to grow in your career, you have to be willing to be a little uncomfortable. Otherwise, you won’t grow and be successful. So acknowledge your imposter syndrome and let it drive you toward your goals.
3:40 – If imposter syndrome is having a significant impact on your life, professionals can help: If your imposter syndrome is causing you to lose sleep and it’s stopping you from taking on new challenges, a therapist can be really helpful.
6:00 – Practical ways to overcome it: Challenge negative self talk, focus on your strengths, and celebrate every win, no matter how small!
7:00 – A support group makes all the difference: Joining a business community or networking group can give you the support and mentorship you need to overcome your self doubt.
8:00 Self-compassion is key: Feelings aren’t tangible facts, so when you feel like an imposter, master the mean little voice in your head.
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Top Quotes1:30 – “Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon in which people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent belief that they are frauds, despite external evidence to the contrary. Those who experience imposter syndrome believe they’re not intelligent, capable, or deserving of success.”
4:00 – Imposter syndrome can cause young professionals to not take risks, not pursue their goals, or they don’t reach their full potential because they just feel like they don’t deserve it and they just don’t bother.”
5:00 – “Acknowledge those feelings, journal about them, and then challenge them. Is it true that I’m not really capable? Because if I wasn’t capable, why did they hire me?”
6:20 – “Continue to see the good in where you are going because when you’re trying to go somewhere big, it’s hard. And if you’re constantly looking at your failure more than you are your success, it’s that much harder.”
LinksCheck out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.
Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!
Transcript00:00:30Hello everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest. Thank you for joining me for this episode of Work Mom Says Don’t Be an Idiot today. We’re going to talk about imposter syndrome. Now, this podcast is for young professionals, id level professionals maybe, to help you learn to play the emotional contact sport of business.
00:01:00So you experience more success. And less drama. And the drama part is what we’re talking about here. Um, imposter syndrome is a huge topic in, you know, in social media and in the news these days. And I looked it up to see like, what is it and what do we do about it? And the definition that I got, I think I got it from dictionary.com is imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon in which people] doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent belief. That they are frauds, despite external evidence to the contrary, those who experience imposter syndrome believe they’re not intelligent, capable, or deserving of success. There are degrees of imposter syndrome.
You can have, like, you can get it once in a while when you go into a meeting with, you know, a lot of people you don’t know or high level execs, or you may have it all the time, like, I can’t believe they gave me this job. I don’t know what I’m doing. And I’ll tell you, I have a different take on it than most people.
Um, I think imposter syndrome should be something that you make friends with, because if you really want to grow in your career, you need to feel a little bit uncomfortable most of the time. And the reason I say that is because if you are comfortable, you’re probably stagnant. If you’re stretching, growing, doing new things, you’re going to be a little uncomfortable.
[00:02:00]So I didn’t learn until I was well into my thirties that if you want to be successful, get comfortable. Being uncomfortable is a really good mantra because those of us who are out there stretching, growing, um, making things happen are frequently doing things that we’ve never done before. And that can make you feel uncomfortable.
If you follow me on LinkedIn, If you don’t, please do. I’m Lori Jo Vest. I’m an open networker there. And I just put a meme up a couple of weeks ago and it was really good. And it says, I have no idea what I’m doing and you can’t stop me. And I love that because if you. are always doing what you know how to do.
You’re not growing, you’re not learning, you’re not developing as a human being. And imposter syndrome, you should be in rooms where you may not quite belong there yet. That’s how you learn. That’s how you stretch. That’s how you grow. But let’s talk a little bit about what They say are symptoms of imposter syndrome, feeling like you don’t belong, feeling like you’re going to be found out as a fraud, feeling like you’re not good enough.
[00:03:00]You don’t want to take on any new challenges. You’re overworking and you have difficulty taking credit for the work that you do. When someone tries to compliment you, you might, you know, shoo it off because you’re just not. you know, don’t feel like you deserve any congratulations. So it can really affect your career if you don’t handle it well.
And it can have a significant impact on young professionals because it can cause you anxiety, stress, depression, inability to sleep. Um, if it gets to that point where you feel like you can’t sleep and you’re having difficulty, you know, taking on new challenges, get a therapist. Um, there are a lot of therapists out there that can help you with the psychological aspect of um, imposter syndrome.
[00:04:00]It may go deeper than just your typical being challenged kind of thing because that happens. Imposter syndrome can cause young professionals to not take risks, not pursue their goals like I’ll never be an author, I don’t know how to be an author, it’ll never happen. Why not just take the steps toward it and see if you can learn as you go.
Or they don’t reach their full potential because they just feel like they don’t deserve it and they just don’t bother. Because it does take, you know, some emotional lifting to get past that feeling of not being good enough and not being able to do what you think you should be able to do. So practical tips.
Overcoming imposter syndrome is Um, it’s an emotional thing and one of the things you should do right away is just acknowledge it, give it some attention, go, wow, isn’t this interesting? I feel like I, I don’t know what I’m doing. What am I even doing here? And just acknowledge and explore. I would suggest you journal about it because often journaling will help you get, um, help you process emotions and feelings that might not make sense because in order to write about them.
[00:05:00]You have to be able to make sense of them. They have to be in a logical order or you won’t be able to put words to them. So h I remember taking my first job at a big ad agency.
When I was in my late forties and I did not feel like I belonged there. Everybody, everybody was 10, 15, 20 years younger than me. And it was just a really strange, uncomfortable feeling. And I felt like I was an imposter because I wasn’t cool enough. I wasn’t hip enough. I felt like I didn’t know enough, but within about six months, you know, I’ve got the agency culture and figured out how that worked.
And I turned out to be pretty good at my job, you know, to the point where I left and they called me and brought me back. I quit and went to a new job and that didn’t work out well. Fortunately, big agency land called me back. And, um, that can happen if you don’t burn bridges, when you leave a place of employment, don’t burn the bridge because you may need to go back quick, teachable moment there.
[00:06:00]So challenge those thoughts, focus on your strengths. What are you really good at? If you’re a really good writer or you’re really good at negotiating with, you know, angry customers, or you have really strong relationships with your coworkers, focus on those strengths. What are you good at? Celebrate every win.
I have a coach that I’ve worked with for years, Denise Roberts, and she taught me that celebrating even the smallest things could help you. Continue to see the good in where you were going, because when you’re trying to go someplace big. It’s hard. And if you’re constantly looking at your failure more than you are your success, it’s that much harder.
So celebrate the small wins. Um, look for support. Um, when you’re feeling that way, if you really want to power ahead and power through, get into a support group, um, join a business community, join a trade association, find a meetup group or an online networking group and go regularly meet people, make friends.
[00:07:00]And, and you’ll get the feedback that you’re looking for, because you’ll hear from those people who have your best interest at heart, usually, that, you know, you’re doing a great job, you know, you can develop relationships in those communities with people that are older than you, more experienced than you, maybe have a different personality style than you do, and don’t be afraid to look for mentors in those groups too.
So look for support. And then the last and most important thing is practice self compassion. You feel like an imposter. All that is, is a feeling. Feelings are not tangible facts. You feel like I’m an imposter in your job. Well, you’re in your job. So that’s a pretty good indication that you’re not an imposter.
And there are other things you can do beyond those practical tips. I would. offer some, a few books here that I would advise you to pick up or look into for, you know, to process it a little deeper. If it’s something that’s really bothering you. Uh, one is little voice mastery. We all have a little voice in our head.
[00:08:00]Some of us have 37 little voices in our heads and they’re all screaming. Some of us have monkeys in our heads and they’re all throwing, you know, bananas and poo at each other. Um, the voices, the voice, That you speak to yourself with is very powerful. So little voice mastery is a book by Blair Singer. And he talks a lot about how to turn that little voice and do more of a coach than a punisher.
And it’s, it’s really important that you learn how to do that. If you want to really fly and hit those high targets. So there’s also imposter syndrome overcoming the fear that haunts your success by Valerie Young. Great book. Um, and we’ll help you work through some of the things that are, that are, you know, help holding you back because you don’t feel like you deserve them.
[00:09:00]And my last recommendation is that you follow Benjamin Hardy. Benjamin Hardy has so much great material and he’s Always advises you to put yourself in rooms where you are not the smartest person, put yourself in the company of company of people who are doing what you want to do eventually, and make friends in high places, basically.
And don’t be afraid to chase. The really heavy goals that you dream about, because the only way you’re going to get them is if you chase them. So that’s what I have for you today, guys. Uh, thank you so much for joining me. Uh, we did take a little hiatus there, but we are back and hope to have an episode every two weeks.
We’d love to hear from you on what you would like us to cover. Um, who you’d like just us to talk to this season. Um, my, uh, website is workmomsays.com. There’s a contact form there. Um, make your suggestions. Give me feedback. Um, tell me what you’d like me to talk about. So thank you so much again for joining me.
[00:10:00]Work mom says signing off. Thanks for listening to Work Mom Says Don’t Be An Idiot for more information. You can email work mom here. And remember, don’t be an idiot.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 30 –Overcoming Imposter Syndrome appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
Contrary to popular belief, Elon Musk isn’t any smarter than you or me. He may have a genius level IQ, but his lack of emotional intelligence seriously affects his ability to be an effective leader.
The post Episode 29 –No, Elon Musk Isn’t Smarter Than You appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
Want to create a better work-life balance? I offer my top tips for blending your work and personal life. From the strong data behind the importance of work-life balance to making yourself a priority and taking care of your health, this episode is loaded with great info for making it all work.
The post Episode 28 – Mastering the Work-Life Blend appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
To build a successful career, you must start with building your reputation. Your reputation precedes you, and if you can create a strong reputation, it can only help you get that next great opportunity.
From consistent professional behavior to engaging on LinkedIn to paying attention to industry news, I share a few top ways to market yourself and create a strong reputation.
Themes discussed in this episode* Consistency is key * Dress for success * Be ready for the next opportunity with an updated resume and LinkedIn bio * Increase your LinkedIn presence * Stay up to date with industry news and trends * Personal websites are SEO gold
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
1:40 – Consistency is key: Consistently working hard and doing your job to the best of your ability will help you outperform most people.
4:55 – Dress for success: While how you look isn’t the ONLY important part of your reputation, it’s still an essential aspect of your personal brand. Why? Because your personal presentation affects how others perceive you.
7:40 – Update your resume and LinkedIn bio: Always keep your resume and LinkedIn bio updated because you never know when that next opportunity could present itself.
10:20 – Active social media presence: You don’t have to be a social media expert to effectively use LinkedIn to grow your network and find new opportunities.
11:30 – Referrals are your best friend: If your friends and connections know what you do, they can refer you to your next great position, and those referrals are infinitely stronger than applications to help wanted listings.
15:00 – Pay attention to industry happenings: Staying on top of industry trends and news helps you be a better networker because you can contribute to the conversation and leave a better impression.
16:00 – Create a personal website: A personal website not only gives you space to show your work but it also gives Google more to show in search results other than your social profiles and old information.
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Top Quotes4:25 – “You will rise through the ranks if you are consistent in your behavior and develop a strong reputation for working hard, being kind, and being gracious.”
5:15 – “Do you present yourself in a way that amplifies the impression you’re trying to make or one that detracts from the impression you’re trying to make? You know which side I’m on. Always try to be on the side that is going to enhance the person’s perception of you.”
6:30 – “Personal presentation is part of what they call your personal brand, and your personal brand is your reputation, how you present, and how you perform all wrapped into one.”
8:50 – “You are more likely to advance through the ranks with a new job than at your current job. Your current employer knows your strengths, and they know your weaknesses. They may not choose to promote you to the next position you want until you’ve addressed those weaknesses. A new employer or recruiter looking for somebody may give you the promotion to get you to join their team, and all they see are your strengths.”
13:40 – “Those kinds of referrals are always meaningful when you come to a new or an open position through a referral and someone who knows the person hiring. It’s a lot stronger than trying to answer an ad on Indeed or Linkedin or a help wanted ad.”
15:10 – “Make sure that you know what’s happening in your field, so that when you go out there and network, you have something interesting to say. You’re aware of what’s happening in your industry.”
17:40 – “Is there anything out there on the internet that Google can find that paints a not so good picture of you? If that’s the case, you want to do blog articles and have a website so that that kind of information is pushed down to the second or third page of the Google search results, where all those kinds of things go to die.”
19:20 – “Yes, you want to look good. Yes, you want the things you put out in the world to look good. But you want some depth to your reputation, to the content that’s out there about you on social media. You want some depth, and you want to make sure that you are presenting yourself as a person with integrity, with moral character. “
LinksCheck out our LinkedIn episode for more ways to effectively grow your network and get that next opportunity.
Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!
Transcript00:00.31 – Lori Jo Vest
Hello and thank you for joining me for Work Mom Says Don’t be An Idiot. I’m your host for this podcast, Lori Jo Vest, and I am here to help you learn to play the emotional contact sport of business. You’ll hear me say that often. It’s something that needs reinforcing. Business is an emotional place to go. It might not feel like it all the time, but there will be those times when someone says to you ‘I’m disappointed in what you just did’ or maybe they’ll just snark at you, make fun of you, or send you a nasty email and CC your boss. It happens. I see you, and I’m here to help.
So today we’re going to talk about marketing yourself, and marketing yourself means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. So I’m going to of course convey what I believe about marketing yourself and a big part of it in my opinion is your reputation matters more than you know.
01:25 – So one of the things that I will tell you to focus on, and it might take a while for you to get there, but focus on being consistent in your behavior. One of the ways that you create a reputation is with consistency. Work hard. Be kind to other people that’s pretty much all there is.
If you work hard and you do your job to the best of your ability at the moment you will be outperforming most people. It’s surprising, I know.
My son Kyle is 24, and he went to a lot of high performing schools, where you know there are a lot of people competing. They all want to get A’s, and they’re the kind of schools you had to test to get into, always very college-oriented, science-oriented, and technology-oriented. And he always felt like he was a little behind like you know, “Mom I go to school with these people that are so much smarter than me. What’s it going to be like out in the world?”
I told him, “No, everybody’s not smarter than you. They may have better work habits than you. They may be better able to retain technical information or have other talents that you don’t have, but odds are most of the people you meet are pretty much in a similar education level.”
So when he went out into the work world after graduating from University of Michigan, what he discovered is yeah all you have to do is work hard and be kind to other people, your coworkers and your customers, and you will be more successful than the people around you because so many people aren’t doing their best. They fall into a routine or it’s comfortable to do the same thing. So maybe they’re not in a continuous improvement mindset or they’re not in learner mode or they’re just not consistent. They let their emotions run away with them.
Consistency in your behavior will serve you incredibly well. As you build your reputation and market yourself. It’s a huge part of um, making sure that you are employable and that you’re able to climb the career ladder.
03:30 – Kyle is now in the service department at a dealership, doing really well and kind of at the top of the food chain there. He’s the service advisor that serves the people that drive the wagoners, you know the $100000 vehicles. He’s 100% commission-based and doing really well financially, which I didn’t even know was possible in a service department at a dealer.
But what’s important in all business relationships, including a service department at a dealer, is professionalism, strong positive connected relationships, kindness, and hard work. He’s doing that, so it’s paying off for him just a few years in. Those are the kind of things to remember: you will rise through the ranks if you are consistent in your behavior and develop a strong reputation for working hard, being kind, and being gracious. So my number one point is work on your reputation. It does precede you um people will um, talk about you out there in the world if you’re exceptional in the workplace and that will help you get that next job.
04:50.51 – Number 2 on the list of ways to market yourself is your personal presentation. What do you look like when you get onto that Zoom call if you’re working remotely? Is your hair done? You know, do you dress nicely? Do you have the camera on? Do you smile? Do you participate actively when the opportunity arises? When you’re in person, you are dressed nicely with your shoes not worn out and dull. Do you take care of your hair? Cosmetics aren’t mandatory, but if you do wear them, are you wearing them in a tasteful fashion? Do you present yourself in a way that amplifies the impression you’re trying to make or one that detracts from the impression you’re trying to make? You know which side I’m on. Always try to be on the side that is going to enhance the person’s perception of you.
One of the things that I got out of one of the old style for business books, and this was back in the 80’s, and there was a gentleman, John T Malloy, who wrote a book called “Dressed for Success.” And the only thing I took out of that was to really look at how you’re being perceived. How you dress determines how you’re going to be perceived and that you might want to consider dressing just a notch above someone else in the same situation.
So if you’re meeting a client for lunch, don’t wear jeans that day or put a jacket over your t-shirt. Do something that elevates your look just a little more than expected. I mean you’re not going to wear a formal gown to a lunch meeting, but you may throw a jacket over your really cool funky t-shirt and your jeans and wear some nice black boots or some heeled sandals if you’re a woman, something that will make the impression that you thought about how you presented yourself, how you put yourself together that morning because personal presentation is part of what they call your personal brand and your personal brand is your reputation, how you present, and how you perform all wrapped into one.
Some people will say personal brand is you know what colors you wear, what you look like on Linkedin, but there’s so much more to it. If you just focus on what it looks like, you won’t be successful. You’ve got to have some meat and that’s where your reputation comes in.
07:30.75 – Lori Jo Vest
The third most important part of marketing yourself for career success is to make sure that you have an up to date resume and an up to date Linkedin bio. You want to make sure that you are always ready for that next opportunity. Or the next time you get fired and trust me, you will get fired. People get fired, and it’s not necessarily for performance. People get let go because you know the economy and that industry you know took a dip, and the boss got a little freaked out and let a bunch of people go.
You may work for a large company, and they may lose a client. They lose the client on Friday; you don’t know anything about it until Monday morning. You get an email to go into an eight o’clock meeting with 10 other people and you’re all let go that day. It happens and the reality is if you don’t know when it’s going to happen. You can’t predict when it’s going to happen.
The other thing is if you’re on Linkedin, and you have an up-to-date resume that looks good, you may get a call from a recruiter. I’ll tell people this frequently as you’re growing your career: you are more likely to advance through the ranks with a new job than you are at your current job.I’ll tell you what I mean by that. Your current employer knows your strengths and they know your weaknesses.
08:58.80 – They may not choose to promote you to that next position you want until you’ve addressed those weaknesses, and a new employer or a recruiter that’s looking for somebody may give you the promotion to get you to join their team, and all they see are your strengths. So don’t be distressed if you don’t get promoted where you currently are because it may be because you have some weaknesses to work on. It’s going to take you a little bit longer.
But if you want to move through the ranks quicker, make sure your resume is ready to go. Make sure your Linkedin profile is up to date. So if a recruiter does a search and kind of stops by and looks at what you’re up to, they’re seeing really current information. I don’t care how long you’ve been at your job. If you’ve been at your job for 5 years and you think you’re going to be there for another 10, still make sure that your Linkedin and your resume are up to date. It’s just good form.
10:00 – Let’s see number 4 on our list is to make sure that you are out there on social media regularly talking about what you do. So if you are not yet on Linkedin, get over there, build a profile, and go at least 3 times a week.
You can take 10 minutes with your morning coffee or after work when you’re kind of sitting around, you got Tv going in the background, take 10 minutes to go over to Linkedin and engage with your people. If you don’t have a lot of people there, start looking people up past coworkers, business friends, past clients, past bosses, people you went to college with, people you went to high school with, people that you met at a networking event., etc.
When you go to networking events, take your phone. When you meet someone new say hey, let’s connect on Linkedin and connect with them right then. And that will help you grow that following that’s going to be really important to your future success.
The other thing I would tell you to do, and this can be a little intimidating, is to create original posts of your own. You don’t have to be a social media guru. You can be someone who you know looks through entrepreneur magazines or Forbes or the New York Times or The Atlantic and you see a really interesting article that applies to what you do, what your industry is, or you know things that people in your industry would be into. Share the article and share your point of view on it.
I do social media for a living. I have a small agency that does social media as our primary focus and I will often share things that I see on you know, social media today. There’ll be some really interesting articles about new ways of using Linkedin and how the algorithm has changed, and I’ll share just a quick sentence or 2, a couple of hashtags and the link and then people know what you’re into and what industry you’re in. They also know that you are paying attention to the media. You’re keeping up to date in your field. Share an interesting inspirational quote that expresses who you are. There’s a lot of different types of content.
We have a Linkedin episode that we recorded last summer of 2022 that you can look up and it gets into a little bit more detail. Make sure you are on Linkedin at least 2 to 3 times a week, comment on other people’s posts, go in and create your own posts. When someone comments on your content, answer their comments. Say “hey thanks for sharing that. That’s really interesting” or you know further the conversation in some way. And that will keep that post appearing in the Linkedin algorithm so that you’ll be getting more attention and more people will see it so make sure you’re on Linkedin.
The other thing I would say is to make sure that once in a while on your other social channels mention what you do. Some of your friends may be a source of referral or the source of your next great job, and if they know what you do, they’re a lot more likely to mention to you “hey you know I know somebody who’s hiring for someone to do exactly what you do.” Those kinds of referrals are always meaningful when you come to a new or an open position through a referral and someone who knows the person hiring. It’s a lot stronger than trying to answer an ad on Indeed or on Linkedin or a help wanted ad.
So you always want to be thinking ahead in terms of referrals and potential future employment opportunities when you’re on Linkedin. You don’t have to say “hey I’m looking for a job” because sometimes that can be hard to do when you have a current employer. You don’t really want them to know that you are just making sure you’re ready in case you decide you want to go. But they should understand that as a business professional or a career professional, you are interested in what’s happening on the social platforms in your field. So you want to follow other companies that are doing what you do you might follow your competitors so you can see what they’re up to.
14:58.12 – That goes into number 5: part of your reputation, your brand, your marketing of yourself is to make sure that you know what’s happening in your field, so that when you go out there and network, you have something interesting to say. You’re aware of what’s happening in your industry. You may have just seen an article about one of the big companies and how they had some trauma drama and you want to be able to talk about it. You want to be able to say to someone that you met at a networking event, “Hey, did you hear what happened at Volkswagen? Did you hear what happened at this big HR firm? They had a big problem with a new accountant and wow that’s crazy” It just shows people that you, as an industry professional, are paying attention to what’s happening out there and again it elevates your personal reputation, your personal brand.
15:58.15 – Lori Jo Vest
My next tip and this one isn’t as hard as it sounds: make yourself a website if you do anything in the creative fields, if you are an editor or a writer or an artist designer or customer service professional. It depends on your field, but I would advise just about everybody to buy the url that is your name and put a one pager up that introduces you. I had one up for a long time and it was just a one pager that talked about who I was, what I was up to, the different projects I was involved in, and my resume. That gives Google something to search for besides your Linkedin profile.
If you’re not about having your own website because that seems like a huge lift, then I would suggest you find someone to help you buy the url of your name and let that be something that forwards directly to your Linkedin profile. That’s what mine does right now. If you put in lorijovest.com, it takes you right to my Linkedin profile where you’re going to find all the things that I do and all the different projects I’m involved in. That’s another way to give Google some juice to want to show more in a search for your name than just your social profiles.
Google yourself. It’s important that you know what’s out there because your employers will be doing that. I can tell you most of us do go in and take a peek at what’s out there because some people have really strange hobbies. I’m not saying strange hobbies are bad but you know there are some people that might have some things on the internet that would indicate that they might not be a good fit for your company. That’s something to think about. Is there anything out there on the internet that Google can find that paints a not so good picture of you, and if that’s the case, you may either try to get it removed or you want to do blog articles and have a website that kind of thing so that that kind of information is pushed down to the second or third page of the Google search results which is where all those kinds of things go to die. People don’t usually go past the first search window on Google, so if you do have something you want to kind of you did something you did in high school or something that’s out there that you don’t want to have seen, fill up the Google search with relevant current things through a website and a blog.
18:40 – I think that is basically it for marketing yourself. There are a lot of things you can do. We’ve talked about networking. There’s a lot of little you know little tips I could give you but I think the things we’ve talked about in this episode are the big things that are going to help you market yourself up the career ladder.
If you want a personal brand, I would say hire a personal branding expert but don’t let them tell you that it’s all about how it looks. It really isn’t. It’s more about who you are and how you show up. Yes, you want to look good. Yes, you want the things you put out in the world to look good. But you want some depth to your reputation, to the content that’s out there about you on social media. You want some depth and you want to make sure that you are presenting yourself as a person with integrity, with moral character. You can do that with your social content, believe it or not, depending on what you share with a strong work ethic.
That will help you with referrals and people who know you are more likely to recommend you for a position if they move on to a new job. They might say hey, “My new employer wants somebody just like you, are you ready? and help you jump.
What I’ve said in this episode really will help you maybe over the long term and help you get a reputation that precedes you. Five or six years in an industry, if you’re out there networking and meeting people, you will create a name for yourself. It’s really not that hard to do. It’s just a matter of putting the effort in, so put the effort in to do what needs to be done. Get out there on social media, attend remote events, attend live events, in person events, and just be there. Be where the people in your industry are and then present yourself with the tips that I’ve shared in this episode.
So that’s all I’ve got for you today. I would like to know what you would like me to talk about. I am an open networker on Linkedin, and you can find me there under Lori Jo Vest. The company I own is called PopSpeed Digital Marketing, so you’ll know it’s me.Connect with me there and send me a message that you were listening to the podcast and you have a suggestion for a guest.
21:02.54 – Lori Jo Vest
We also have on our web site at workmomsays.com a contact form so you can go in there and suggest guests you’d like us to have on. We also have our book Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an idiot! Thirty-Eight Lessons You Don’t Want To Learn The Hard Way. It was just released on Amazon a few weeks ago. So I really do hope you’ll go there and pick up a copy. I’m getting really great feedback about it.
Think about it, this time of year is great for graduation gifts for recent high school and college graduates. If you know someone who is struggling in the workplace and having difficulty at their job, there’s some really great advice in this book. It’s called Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an idiot! Thirty-Eight Lessons You Don’t Want To Learn The Hard Way. I would love to have you pick it up. Give me a review. Um I need book reviews.
If you love this podcast, please throw me some stars on some of these podcast platforms: Spotify and Apple Podcasts. It’s out there on all the different platforms, so whichever one is yours, do me a favor and throw me some stars. It makes a difference in the people that will see podcast and have the opportunity to listen. So again thank you so much. My name is Lori Jo Vest. I am here to help you play the emotional contact sport of business and I wish you the very best and I’m here for you. I see you. I’ll talk to you again soon.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 27 –Marketing Yourself appeared first on Work Mom Says®.
It’s launch week for my new book Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot! 38 Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the Hard Way! To celebrate, I wanted to share the origin story behind this podcast and why I became Work Mom.
Later, I give you a sneak peek at the book and share a few never-before-seen chapters.
Themes discussed in this episode* The origin story behind the podcast * Do as I say not as I do * How you show up counts * Nobody cares how you feel * Avoid office romance at all costs
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
1:30 – The origin story: I wanted to help young professionals build successful careers by sharing lessons and advice that I learned the hard way.
8:00 – Do as I say, not as I do: I’ve made just about every mistake there is to make in my own career, so I’m sharing all of them here to help you be strategic and successful in every aspect of your career.
9:30 – How you show up counts: Always dress the part of a successful employee because others will form their opinions of you on how you present yourself.
11:30 – Nobody cares how you feel: Don’t let your emotions get the better of you in the workplace. It’s essential to take care of your mental health, so it isn’t negatively affecting your performance.
14:00 – Don’t date your coworkers. EVER: Office relationships can get messy and are awkward for everyone, so just avoid them at all costs.
Top Quotes3:00 – “What you want to do is create as many of those authentic connected relationships as you can because that will help you not only just rise through the ranks but learn and grow and get that next opportunity and succeed.”
4:15 – “Experience is the best teacher. It is also the most expensive when you make those big mistakes. There are usually consequences and it usually takes a little bit to get back on your feet and learn from them and do it better next time.”
8:20 – “As I was writing this book, I kept thinking ,’What makes you think you’re the person to tell people how to act at work?’ What bubbled up is that I’ve done all the crazy stupid things I talk about here I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve made just about every mistake there is to make in my own career”
9:50 – “If you find that you’re in the workplace and you really have a problem managing your emotions, maybe you cry easily, you get angry easily, or you snap at people, get yourself to a counselor because that points to a deeper problem.”
10:30 – Whether you like it or not people will form their opinions of you and your competence in your work by how you present yourself.
TranscriptSUMMARY KEYWORDS00:00:00:21 – 00:00:03:06
VO
Welcome to work, Mom says.
00:00:03:10 – 00:00:05:02
Lori Jo Vest
Don’t be an idiot.
00:00:05:13 – 00:00:12:18
VO
And now here’s your host Work Mom
00:00:12:29 – 00:00:41:07
Lori Jo Vest
I’m Lori Jo Vest Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Work. Mom says today we’re going to talk a little bit about my own origin story. I made every mistake there is to make. I’m just going to be honest with you. I started my career in the eighties, late eighties, early nineties, and I came out of college with a chip on my shoulder, a big attitude.
00:00:41:19 – 00:01:05:06
Lori Jo Vest
I was angry at the world. A little bit of a party girl, but I wanted to be successful. I knew I wanted to be successful. I didn’t have a lot of family support and certainly not any family financial support. So I knew right away I needed to make enough money to take care of myself. And I had sent out, you know, a couple hundred resumes.
00:01:05:19 – 00:01:29:20
Lori Jo Vest
And that was the only job that came back and said, okay, let’s interview, let’s hire you. And I didn’t even really want the job because it was in sales and it was selling ad space on billboards. But I didn’t didn’t want to live with relatives, you know, I wanted to be on my own. And I decided that, you know, I would take the job and see what happened and maybe I’d end up leaving the job after a little bit.
00:01:29:20 – 00:01:51:13
Lori Jo Vest
But I at least had some money coming in and, you know, we’d see what would come of it. So I was really fortunate that Mr. Laster was so generous and he would spend half an hour every day. He told me if I came in early, he would spend a half an hour every day teaching me what he knew.
00:01:52:06 – 00:02:43:15
Lori Jo Vest
And let me tell you, it was like boot camp and it was amazing. He’s the one that taught me the value of connected positive relationships in business. You’ll hear people say it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. And I would add to that, it’s not what you know, it’s who you are in relationship with. And as a new person, you know, a new person that’s new to the career world, what you want to do is create as many of those, you know, authentic, connected relationships as you can, because that will help you not only just rise through the ranks, but learn and grow and get that next opportunity and succeed.
00:02:44:02 – 00:03:07:05
Lori Jo Vest
And David had a lot a lot, lot, lot, lot of patience with me. And there were a lot of times when, you know, I’d bring him a problem, but I wouldn’t just come and dump a problem in his lap instead of trying to figure out what the solution would be on my own. One of the first lessons you learn Don’t go to your boss with every problem.
00:03:07:05 – 00:03:28:09
Lori Jo Vest
Come up with a solution. Then go to your boss and say, Is this the right solution? But he taught me all those different lessons and I was extremely fortunate. One of the things he used to do, which I recommend any boss do to their younger staff, because it’s kind of a challenge that they can take on that will teach them how to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
00:03:29:06 – 00:03:54:15
Lori Jo Vest
He used to say to me, David would catch me, you know, on a Tuesday afternoon and say, Hey, there’s a meeting of this ad club on Friday. And I know that this bigwig from this big ad agency is going to be there. And if you come back and tell me that you didn’t sit next to her at that event, I’m going to be so disappointed and I would be like a deer in the headlights.
00:03:54:15 – 00:04:22:00
Lori Jo Vest
Oh, my God, don’t make me do that. But because he knew I could and he knew I could, you know, connect and meet people and make an impression, he challenged me and I would I would go to the meeting and I’d sit next to that person. And before you know, it, I had a relationship, a connection with that person and those kinds of things from a really good boss or mentor will help you grow your career.
00:04:22:14 – 00:04:43:15
Lori Jo Vest
So part of what I like to do with this podcast and with my book that’s coming out in middle of April is be that person for the young professionals. I want to be that person that gives you that advice, that helps you succeed and helps you avoid some of the mistakes that I made and some of the mistakes that a lot of people make.
00:04:43:15 – 00:05:14:27
Lori Jo Vest
We’re human as we learn, we make mistakes. Experience is the best teacher. It is also the most expensive. When you make those big mistakes, there are usually consequences and it usually takes a little bit to get back on your feet and learn from them and do it better next time. So I guess you could say after working with young people, as I’ve gotten older, I thought, wouldn’t it be kind of cool to help young people not make those dumb mistakes that I did?
00:05:14:27 – 00:05:42:00
Lori Jo Vest
Because I’m hoping that you’ll get into a situation and you’ll hear my voice in your head saying, No, no, no, no, no. Be strategic, because that’s the primary bit of information I’m always conveying is be strategic when you are trying to jump start your career. Being strategic and thoughtful about your actions and your words is what will help you be successful.
00:05:42:00 – 00:06:24:18
Lori Jo Vest
And one of the secrets that David Laster taught me that I have to mention constantly, because I think it really is one of those top tier aspects of business is connected. Positive relationships are the backbone of a solid career. How many people you know, it’s not who you know, it’s who you have good relationships with. And so everywhere you go in business, make friends, make connections, stay in touch with people on LinkedIn, ask people to go to lunch, call people just to see how they’re doing, stay connected, send little notes.
00:06:25:02 – 00:06:44:04
Lori Jo Vest
And those those kinds of things are what will help you be a successful professional. But there’s a ton of other lessons too. And I put this book together basically. It’s called Work. Mom says Don’t be an idiot. 38 Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the hard way. I learned the hard way. I’d like to help you avoid that.
00:06:44:16 – 00:07:11:21
Lori Jo Vest
So I’m going to spend a little bit of time today just reading a couple of chapters from the book. It’s very short. Each lesson is one page and you can open it up and start reading from any section and you’ll get something out of it. Very self-serving here, but it will make an exceptional gift for new graduates, for birthdays, for people who have just two or three years in their career, people who are hoping to grow and succeed.
00:07:11:21 – 00:07:34:01
Lori Jo Vest
So it’ll be on Amazon and probably Barnes and Noble and some of the other booksellers online by the end of April, hoping for mid-April. But I want to read a few things. I’m first, I’m going to read the chapter that tells you why I wrote it, and it’s called Do As I Say, Not As I Do, because again, I made the mistakes.
00:07:34:09 – 00:07:53:17
Lori Jo Vest
I don’t want you to make the same ones. So here’s here’s from page 17. Do as I say, not as I do. As I was writing this book, I kept thinking, What makes you think you’re the person to tell people how to act at work? What bubbled up is that I’ve done all the crazy, stupid things I talk about here.
00:07:53:29 – 00:08:19:24
Lori Jo Vest
I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve made just about every mistake there is to make in my own career. I’ve been the youngster at the office who thinks she knows everything and quickly learned that she doesn’t and said dumb things in meetings and been entirely embarrassed. When I got shut down by my boss. I’ve said something less than complimentary about a coworker and seen that comment fly through the staff ranks and back to the coworker about whom I said it.
00:08:20:09 – 00:08:46:25
Lori Jo Vest
Uncomfortable and an ignorant choice on my part. I’ve had an office romance and regretted it. Too many cocktails at the company Christmas party and been fired for talking politics. I’ve also managed teams of young creative professionals that set an example of how to enter the workforce and build a solid reputation and career over 30 years in business, making idiot mistakes and working with young people to help them grow their careers.
00:08:46:25 – 00:09:06:26
Lori Jo Vest
I’ve learned the lessons I’m sharing here. I hope they can benefit you. That’s a little bit about why I wrote this book, but let’s talk about let me read through a couple more, a couple more chapters for you. They have really fun little lessons, and it may inspire you to pick up a copy for yourself or your friends or your family members.
00:09:06:26 – 00:09:37:15
Lori Jo Vest
So chapter five is how you show up counts. When you go to work. You’re being paid to be a representative for a company they think enough of you to add you to their team in return. Think enough of them to dress the part of a solid, responsible employee. Follow the adage and dress for the job you want. If top leadership dresses business casual while others dress like they’re hanging out in the couch on the couch at home, which one do you think you should mimic?
00:09:37:15 – 00:09:58:02
Lori Jo Vest
If you want to rise through the ranks and to have a successful career with the company, watch the personal presentation culture of the company and follow the unwritten dress code of the most successful people there. Whether you like it or not, people will form their opinions of you and your confidence in your work by how you present yourself.
00:09:58:02 – 00:10:26:06
Lori Jo Vest
Are you dressed appropriately? Are you well-groomed? Do you have clothing or an accessory like a watch or statement jewelry that makes you feel more powerful and helps you make the powerful impression you want to make? Wear more of that. A good test of how put together you should be when you head to the office is this If your boss asks you to meet with your biggest client that day, would you be prepared in both your mindset and your attire, your answer should always be yes.
00:10:26:16 – 00:11:00:06
Lori Jo Vest
Presentation really matters. It does. It does matter. Even in these days of very casual work attire. Think about the people that you would like their jobs and watch them, how they present themselves, what they wear, how they act and bounce off of what they do. Maybe in your own way. But think about the impression you get when you meet someone who’s dressed well and sharp and has a fresh haircut versus somebody who looks like they just rolled off the couch and came to work.
00:11:00:27 – 00:11:27:21
Lori Jo Vest
Big difference. Big difference. So, okay, let’s move on to chapter ten. Now, this one sounds pretty harsh, but and it is a little harsh, but the workplace can be really harsh. So chapter ten Nobody cares how you feel when you see a theatrical production. You expect the lead actors to perform and give you their very best. You may have spent $150 a ticket to sit in those seats and watch that show.
00:11:28:01 – 00:11:48:17
Lori Jo Vest
You don’t care if you just got a divorce and he’s playing a romantic lead. You don’t care. That’s pretty much how people you work with feel. They don’t care if you’ve had a lousy morning, spilled your coffee, got stuck in traffic just got a call that you’re behind on your student loans. Well, they might care a little, but they’re more concerned about getting their jobs done.
00:11:49:11 – 00:12:12:29
Lori Jo Vest
Your being paid to be there, put on your best face and do your best work every day no matter how you feel. That is what it means to be a professional. If you have a problem with your negative behavior to the point that you can’t perform at the office, consider taking a day off, seeing your doctor or engaging a therapist to help you become that person who can better manage your emotions and most circumstances.
00:12:13:29 – 00:12:43:22
Lori Jo Vest
You will never hear me say that I’m a therapist. I am not a therapist. I have some coaching ability. I am not a therapist. If you find that you’re in the workplace and you really have a problem managing your emotions, maybe you cry easily or you get angry easily. You snap at people, get yourself to a counselor, because that points to maybe a deeper problem that could benefit from some verbal ventilation and guidance that a counselor, psychotherapist can help you with.
00:12:44:04 – 00:13:05:27
Lori Jo Vest
So you’ll hear me talk a lot about how taking care of your own mental health is going to make a huge difference for how you perform at work. So, you know, don’t ignore your mental health ever do it. And if you do, you’ll do so at your own peril. So let’s move on to another chapter here. Let’s see.
00:13:05:27 – 00:13:30:27
Lori Jo Vest
How about let’s talk about this one, because this is this is kind of funny. Chapter 22. Get your bread, not your meat at the office. I’ve done it and I’ve seen other people do it. You meet someone at work and you like each other. Before you know it, you’re dating, living together, working together. And it’s awkward for everybody.
00:13:30:27 – 00:13:49:19
Lori Jo Vest
Oh, and then you break up, and then things really go to hell. And you can’t stand seeing them at work. And everybody wonders why you’re acting funny. You, of course, don’t think you’re acting funny at all, but you are. People at work know about it, and it’s a sign of inappropriate boundaries to start a romantic relationship with someone from the office.
00:13:49:19 – 00:14:12:09
Lori Jo Vest
Work is work. Play is play. And when you mix the two too much, you get chaos. Just don’t do it. If you find yourself wanting to date someone at work, consider finding another job before you start dating them. It’s one of those best practice kinds of things. Trust me, just don’t. And if either of you is married and you start some kind of romance nonsense, you suck.
00:14:12:19 – 00:14:36:18
Lori Jo Vest
People will judge you. And that’s entirely appropriate. You earn that kind of judgment when you don’t adhere to critical agreements like marriage that you’ve made with someone. That’s a tough one. I get a lot of flack about my advice to not have romantic relationships at work, but I’ve seen so many of them fail, and when they fail, it’s ugly for everybody.
00:14:36:18 – 00:15:02:29
Lori Jo Vest
So, you know, it’s best to just consider people you work with as not good dating material. It makes sense and it avoids a lot of awkwardness. If you do start a relationship, one of you should start looking for another job pretty quick so that you can get out of that uncomfortable relationship slash coworker situation. And because it’s uncomfortable, maybe not for you, but it’s uncomfortable for other people.
00:15:03:18 – 00:15:22:15
Lori Jo Vest
I remember when I worked in the agency world, there was a there were a couple of people in the creative department that we all kind of started to notice that whenever you saw one, you saw the other and he was married and she wasn’t. And but she kind of followed him around and he followed her around. And before you know it, he was getting a divorce.
00:15:22:20 – 00:15:44:12
Lori Jo Vest
They were having an affair. Everybody in the office knew it. And it caused us all to kind of feel differently about both of them because, you know, he’s married and he’s cheating on his wife and she knows he’s married and she’s having a sexual relationship with him. Not a good look. It’s just not a good look. No matter what your beliefs are outside of the office, I’m not discounting those beliefs.
00:15:44:12 – 00:16:19:07
Lori Jo Vest
But people at work will judge you for the behavior that you exhibit at the office. And marriage is a contract. And you know, married people, people who believe in that contract will judge you if you’re blatantly disregarding it. And I know that’s hard for some people to understand, but it’s just reality. And so it’s a really good thing to remember if you decide you want to start a relationship with someone that you know through work, take it offline or, you know, find another job and and try to keep it on the hush hush until one of you leaves.
00:16:19:20 – 00:16:41:01
Lori Jo Vest
So it just makes sense. So that’s all I’ve got for you today. This is a short episode, but I hope I’ve given you some really valuable information. Again, take a look for work. Mom says don’t be an idiot. 38 lessons you don’t want to learn the hard way. Coming out on Amazon, some time in April, mid to late April, not quite sure on the date yet.
00:16:41:16 – 00:17:04:06
Lori Jo Vest
And I would love to hear from you. If you do pick it up, please leave me a review variant. Just interested in reviews. Also looking for reviews for this podcast. So if you’re a regular listener, please drop me some stars on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, anywhere you’re listening. And I always have to remind you that there is a website at work.
00:17:04:06 – 00:17:29:27
Lori Jo Vest
Mom says, Don’t be an idiot where you can listen to all these episodes, read the show notes, get more information and find links of things that we talked about. I’ll put the link to purchase the book in the show notes for this episode, and so you can go there and click on that link. If you want to buy the book, you can also at work mom says dot com Fill out my contact form and get in touch with me.
00:17:30:07 – 00:17:50:05
Lori Jo Vest
If you have a question. If you have a subject you’d like me to address, if you have a guest that you think would be fantastic, send them my way. Lori at work, Mom says, or through the contact form at the work mom says dot com website. So again thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate all of my listeners.
00:17:50:18 – 00:17:58:18
Lori Jo Vest
Hope I’m providing you helpful information that will help you play the emotional content sport of business. Thank you and take care.
00:17:59:13 – 00:18:01:03
VO
Thanks for listening to Work Mom says don’t be an idiot.
00:18:03:27 – 00:18:15:09
VO
For more information, you can email work mom at l0ri work mom, says dot com. That’s Lori at work. Mom says dot com. And remember.
00:18:15:09 – 00:18:18:04
Lori Jo Vest
Don’t be an idiot.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 26 –The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book) appeared first on Work Mom Says.
Founder and CEO of Maximum Communications Ayana King joined us for a fantastic discussion about how to do the intentional, personal work of anti-racist allyship. From the different types of microaggressions to the danger of quiet racists, we cover a wide variety of topics.
She offers three important ways to do the work yourself: take the Project Implicit test and modules, examine your friend groups and the diversity of the people you surround yourself with, and immerse yourself in the Black experience and Black culture.
Themes discussed in this episode* Allyship and antiracist work is personal * Different types of microaggressions * White people often don’t recognize their own racism * Overt racism vs. quiet racists * Racism is not black people’s problem to fix – It’s white people’s responsibility * Racism is a spectrum * Ways to be actively anti-racist
Featured GuestExpert Guest: Ayana King
Title: CEO of Maximum Communications
What She Does: Founder and CEO of Maximum Communications, Ayana King has hosted hundreds of Diversity + Inclusion workshops and webinars nationwide. Her partners include small businesses, nationally-recognized nonprofits, startups, and organizations ready to better understand and accelerate DEI advocacy.
Connect: You can find her on LinkedIn and her website
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
3:00 – Anti-racist allyship is intentional, personal work: If you want to make a change in the workplace, the change has to start within yourself.
8:00 – Your feminism must be intersectional: If your feminism doesn’t address ageism, racism, ableism and homophobia, it is not feminism.
15:45 – Different types of microaggressions: There are three main types of microaggressions: micro-assaults, micro-insults, and microinvalidations.
20:00 – Overt racism vs quiet racists: Quiet racists are more dangerous to many Black people than outspoken racists.
23:00 – Ending racism is not Black people’s job: From the systemic level down to the interpersonal levels, it is white people’s job to do the heavy lifting and end racism.
31:00 – Share what you learn: Take all the anti-racist education you learn back into the white communities where you have influence.
37:30 – Ways to do the work: Take the Project Implicit test and modules, examine your friend groups and the diversity of the people you surround yourself with, and immerse yourself in the Black experience and Black culture
Top Quotes8:00 – I always say specifically to white women who openly say they are feminist: Listen if your feminism does not address racism and ableism and ageism in all of that stuff, you are not a feminist.
12:00 – If you believe yourself to be a good and fair and just person you will always be looking for those parts of yourself that are sometimes unjust and unfair and trying to fix that. If you are not doing that intentionally, you are not doing the work period. You can try to make all the excuses that you like, but this is very intentional work.
16:30 – “I don’t see color” is a microinvalidation. Because you invalidate me when you choose not to see my color and if you are a person in a position of advantage and power and you’re talking about equity and you’re talking about how to get to a place of equality. There’s no way you can get there when you don’t see my skin color.
20:15 – Passive racism is worse to me because I’d like to know who I’m dealing with, and at least with an overt racist, I know who you are. I don’t like people who sneak around and like to dip around the community because it feels good for them.They love the music but hate the culture and don’t like the people. Those people are dangerous to me.
27:30 – I don’t think that there are any white people in this country who do not grapple with racism because it’s ingrained in everything you learn.
TranscriptSUMMARY KEYWORDSWork, Ally, Anti-Racist
Intro
Welcome to work, Mom says.
00;00;03;10 – 00;00;05;01
Lori Jo Vest
Don’t be an idiot.
00;00;05;13 – 00;00;08;15
Intro
And now here’s your host work, Mom and.
00;00;12;09 – 00;00;46;03
Lori Jo Vest
Thank you for joining me for work. Mom says don’t be an idiot. The podcast that aims to help young professionals play the emotional contact sport of business. And today I have a guest that has been with us before, Ayana King with Maximum Communications. And Ayana is is just a rock star in the area of D-I. She says what needs to be said, she tells you what you need to hear and she does it in a way that’s just really straightforward and and honest.
00;00;46;04 – 00;00;57;16
Lori Jo Vest
And a lot of us we were just talking before we started the recording this session. A lot of us don’t want to be that honest. And so I honest here today. Ayana, tell us a little bit about yourself.
00;00;58;16 – 00;01;23;17
Ayana King
Thank you so much for having me today, Lori. I am Ayana King and I own a small little D-I education agency called Maximum Communications, where I am doing diversity, equity and inclusion education nationwide, both in person and via webinars. And it has been the joy of my life, honestly, outside of having children. It’s the other joy in my life.
00;01;24;18 – 00;01;50;01
Lori Jo Vest
It’s your baby. That’s your baby. And I know we talked probably about two years ago. We talked a lot about at that point about being black at work and helping people who are not people of color understand the roadblocks and challenges and difficulties that people of color experience in our workplaces. But here we are two years later. Honestly, I don’t know if anything has changed.
00;01;50;24 – 00;02;19;19
Lori Jo Vest
I know you’ve been out there doing the work, but I thought a really good topic of conversation for us today would be those of us who really want to be good, strong allies and help, you know, kind of I mean, eradicating it would be amazing. But even chipping away at the, you know, the hidden biases and the racism at the office we know exists, It’s that nasty underbelly of corporate America.
00;02;20;04 – 00;02;29;23
Lori Jo Vest
And so I know you’ve been doing this DIY training for companies for the last couple of years. What do you think young people at work need to know?
00;02;30;12 – 00;02;58;26
Ayana King
Yeah, well, I started back in 2018, and obviously after the murder of George Floyd, my agency, the work that I’m doing as well as other folks doing this work, we saw an explosion of people who all of a sudden were appeared to be wide eyed, very ready. Let’s have the conversations, Let’s do the work. But it did not take very long to recognize that folks were not ready.
00;02;59;18 – 00;03;25;26
Ayana King
What for? Folks were really interested in doing was not appearing to be racist. That’s really what it was about. And so, you know, one of the things that I always challenge my client partners and those who come through my workshops to do is look at themselves, okay, this is very personal work. So if you want to make a change in the workplace, the change starts with you.
00;03;25;26 – 00;03;53;28
Ayana King
I know that sounds very cliche. That change starts with you, but no, it really does. It really does, because it does. You have to do the personal work first and then especially if you are in a position of influence or advantage, a position of leadership, then you can share what you know in your circles of influence. But if you don’t learn it first, if it is not personal to you first, it’s performative period point blank.
00;03;54;07 – 00;04;25;03
Ayana King
And folks from marginalized communities, whether that be black folks or brown folks, whether that be folks from the LGBTQ community, whether that’s older folks or folks with disabilities, we know we know when somebody is blowing smoke and when it’s for real. And I’ll say, you know, I have just been very proud and very happy to work with the organizations I’ve been working with because I’ve been able to say that to them without sugarcoating it.
00;04;25;10 – 00;04;34;13
Ayana King
And they have answered the call and they have begun to do that very personal work. And you’re not going to bring everybody along. But that is the goal. The work is personal.
00;04;35;03 – 00;05;01;12
Lori Jo Vest
And it really is. I don’t know if you saw the Dr. Phil episode that was on a couple of months ago. I was fascinated by this episode and really surprised to see it on his show of all places. And he invited these two women. One is Indian, the other is a black woman. And they had a documentary they produced called Deconstructing Karen.
00;05;01;22 – 00;05;15;18
Lori Jo Vest
Yes. And they put a whole bunch of white women around a table and they started talking to them and they said, raise your hand if you’re racist. And they all sat there with their hands down and just kind of.
00;05;15;18 – 00;05;16;03
Ayana King
Crassly.
00;05;16;15 – 00;05;31;16
Lori Jo Vest
Looked at each other because nobody wanted to really look into our own perceptions that have been created by living in this country where racism is steeped in it.
00;05;31;27 – 00;05;32;15
Ayana King
Yes.
00;05;32;16 – 00;05;41;15
Lori Jo Vest
And a lot of us don’t want to admit it, but it was fascinating to see it on afternoon talk show television like that. Like, wow. I don’t know.
00;05;41;15 – 00;05;41;29
Ayana King
That we would have.
00;05;41;29 – 00;06;02;12
Lori Jo Vest
Seen that a couple of years back. It was surprising. And the women that he brought on that said they weren’t racist, they looked bad. They really did look bad like they weren’t following the rest of us. But I have a feeling there’s a lot of us that think more people are in on this than there really are, correct?
00;06;02;25 – 00;06;39;14
Ayana King
Yeah. And and listen, it shouldn’t be that fascinating because Phil Donahue was doing this. Okay? Phil Donahue back in the day, he had some very charged conversations. Right. I will say it was not fascinating to black women. Okay. It was fascinating for white women to see it. It was uncomfortable for white women to see it. And I always say and hope that this will really sink where it needs to sink for people who are really interested in doing this work, in deconstructing Karen.
00;06;39;14 – 00;06;55;24
Ayana King
Yes. But also unlearning their own internalized racism. Yeah. Most people, in my experience, most white folks are more afraid of being called a racist than they are at considering whether or not they are.
00;06;56;07 – 00;07;14;28
Lori Jo Vest
Right. Right. That’s what I thought was so strange. It’s like, have you not been paying attention for the last? We should have been talking about it for the last 400 years, but the last two, two and a half years, we’ve all really been, you know, digging into it. You’ll see more and more if you’re paying attention at all to the media.
00;07;14;28 – 00;07;29;25
Lori Jo Vest
You see more coverage of how do you release your hidden biases, how to uncover your own racism, all that stuff. So to me, all I could think of is what bubble are you living in? And then I realized we’re all kind of living in our own bubbles.
00;07;30;04 – 00;07;53;05
Ayana King
Yes, right. And you might not even be watching television that would bring that up because if that is not in your purview, you know, if that is not in your scope of something that you want to understand, you wouldn’t be watching that anyway. There are lots of white women, I am sure of it, who love Dr. Phil, who skipped out on that?
00;07;53;21 – 00;08;21;05
Ayana King
Oh, you skipped out on that because that’s not for me, right? That’s not for me. That’s not who I am. I don’t need to hear that. Yeah, you do. Sure you do. And I always say specifically to white women, specifically to white women who openly say they are feminists. Okay? I always say to them, listen, if your feminism does not address racism and able ism and ageism and all of that stuff, you are not a feminist, okay?
00;08;21;24 – 00;08;40;11
Ayana King
You are trying to attain the same power that white men have in this country. Just say that, okay? Just say that because I will respect that. And then we can work from the truth. But we can’t work from a place where you start out with a lie, rather you lied to me or you’re lying to yourself. That’s not how that’s not how we move forward.
00;08;41;06 – 00;09;06;17
Ayana King
And so I think the real challenge, whether we’re in the workplace or at a table, is telling the radical truth to ourselves about who we are and how we are. And that is really difficult. Even in my own life, even in my own experience with white women in my in my vicinity. Okay, that’s hard to do.
00;09;07;07 – 00;09;12;29
Lori Jo Vest
It is hard. Yeah. Well, and it requires a high level of discomfort.
00;09;13;09 – 00;09;13;28
Ayana King
Yes.
00;09;14;06 – 00;09;42;23
Lori Jo Vest
It really does. And I don’t mean that to say that it’s anywhere near the discomfort that people of color and marginalized communities feel. But when you’ve been living your happy little life in this country and you all of a sudden somebody says racist and you’re like, I’m not racist. Yeah, you’re like, Oh, honey, give it some thought. And you could probably come up with two or three questions to ask that person that they would go, Oh, you’re right.
00;09;42;23 – 00;10;15;04
Lori Jo Vest
Yes, I have a lot to work on. But the the the impetus or reason to get yourself uncomfortable seems to be missing. So the motivation to get that uncomfortable, I mean, you can tell with what’s happening in Florida with the, you know, African-American studies, you know, Black History Month, taking those out of the curriculum, there is a certain percentage of our population that just doesn’t think that white people should feel bad about their history.
00;10;15;16 – 00;10;38;09
Lori Jo Vest
And I’m not I don’t think we should all walk around feeling like shit all the time as much as let’s acknowledge what happened, let’s cry or tears and let’s move on and change it and dismantle it. But without acknowledging it and experiencing that discomfort, it’s just not going to happen. Right. So in your work, how do you get people to get that personal connection?
00;10;39;28 – 00;11;06;22
Ayana King
It takes weeks and weeks and weeks. It really does. I ask them hard questions. I ask them to consider whether or not they actually are racist. I ask them to consider how they were brought up. I ask them to consider the root on that tree. I ask them to take an implicit bias test. I ask them their level of comfort of stepping in and speaking up.
00;11;07;22 – 00;11;25;00
Ayana King
And I do this again over the course of 4 to 6 weeks. Okay. So I’m not hitting you with a one day workshop and all of a sudden you’re going to get it. No, I’m. I’m jumping on you week after week after week, and then I’m coming back to you week after week and saying, what did you notice?
00;11;26;15 – 00;11;58;21
Ayana King
And it takes a long time for people to start even speaking up and saying, yes, I can admit that I am a person who has been a perpetrator of microaggressions. Yes, I am a person who can admit that my unconscious bias would lead me to look at a person who was different from me and automatically make negative assumptions about them based on what I’ve been told or based on what I have experienced, rather my experience or somebody else’s in the past.
00;11;58;27 – 00;12;27;04
Ayana King
It takes a very long time to get people to even consider that they and still they might not even admit it out loud. Right. But I’m exposing them to truths over and over, over a period of weeks, and at the same time being vulnerable and sharing some of the things that I have done, some of the mistakes that I have made, acknowledging that anti-blackness is for everybody.
00;12;27;05 – 00;12;27;20
Ayana King
Okay.
00;12;28;12 – 00;12;29;09
Lori Jo Vest
Right. Right.
00;12;29;17 – 00;12;59;19
Ayana King
And in the black community as well. And so, you know, really getting people to understand that if you believe yourself to be a good and fair and just person, you will always be looking for those parts of yourself that are sometimes unjust and unfair and trying to fix that. And if you are not doing that intentionally, you are not doing the work, period.
00;13;00;02 – 00;13;20;03
Ayana King
You know, you can try to make all the excuses that you like, but this is very intentional work. I don’t care how many black friends you have. Do you really have a black friend? That’s the number one question. Okay. Because if you have a black friend and you are not having any of these questions specifically since 2020, guess what?
00;13;20;03 – 00;13;22;00
Ayana King
You ain’t got a black friend. You don’t.
00;13;22;05 – 00;13;23;03
Lori Jo Vest
You have an acquaintance.
00;13;23;29 – 00;13;43;18
Ayana King
You know, black people. And so, again, people have to be able to look themselves in the mirror and say, you know, I got some work to do. And if you are not willing to do that, that’s fine. But don’t pretend that you are, because guess what? What is a blind spot for you is very clear to other people.
00;13;44;14 – 00;14;14;14
Ayana King
And so, you know, again, if we go back to the workplace, I just think about my own experience in all the workplaces I was in, whether they were predominantly white or not, I think about how I knew I was safe and whom I was safe with and why I knew that. And for the vast majority of places that I have worked as an adult, specifically, those places that were predominantly white, you know, that was not always a good environment for me, even though I had some good experiences there.
00;14;14;20 – 00;14;37;03
Ayana King
Ultimately, you know, when you’re talking about experiencing microaggression or really just not being able to show up as your authentic self, when you talk about having to be the stand in for all black people. Yeah, that don’t feel good. It’s it’s not a good feeling and it’s not good for you know can.
00;14;37;08 – 00;14;53;14
Lori Jo Vest
Let’s talk about microaggressions. Tell me about what tell me what kind of microaggressions do people tend to throw your way not realizing that they’re doing it? Because I know that has to happen. Yeah.
00;14;53;26 – 00;15;18;09
Ayana King
So, first of all, what people really need to understand about most microaggressions is that most microaggressions the person on the giving in the perpetrator, in most instances, they have no idea that they’ve said anything that’s offensive in many cases, they think they are saying something that is helpful. They think they are saying something that is positive. They think they are saying something to really endorse you as a person.
00;15;19;20 – 00;15;37;14
Ayana King
But it’s one of those backhanded compliment. So there are three kinds of microaggressions that I always tell people about their micro assaults, which are the most heinous kind. These are not accidents. These are things that people say they know it hurts. Okay? But what they’ll do is they might pass it off as a joke and then they’ll gaslight you.
00;15;37;14 – 00;16;03;15
Ayana King
Oh, you don’t know how to take a joke. Then there’s micro insults and micro and validations. So a micro insult might be something someone saying like, Oh, you’re not like the other black people I know or somebody saying something as seemingly innocent as, Wow, you, you are really articulate. Like with wonderment like that. I could speak intelligently. Right?
00;16;04;04 – 00;16;29;15
Ayana King
So these are micro insults because they think they’re saying something that is helpful. They think they’re endorsing you as a person. A micro invalidation that I hear again and again and again. And I tell people all the time, if you’re serious about doing this work, stop saying this. The phrase I don’t see color. I don’t see color is a micro invalidation because you invalidate me when you choose not to see my color.
00;16;29;15 – 00;16;52;07
Ayana King
And if you are a person in a position of advantage and power and you’re talking about equity and you’re talking about how to get to a place of equality, there’s no way you can get there when you don’t see my skin color. When you refuse to see me as a black woman, you also then refuse to see all of the challenges I have because I am a black woman in certain spaces.
00;16;52;23 – 00;17;15;28
Ayana King
So all of those things are red flags, the people who know the difference. All right. People who are experiencing this kind of stuff on a regular basis, all of those sorts of phrases is and you know, you’re not like them or you’re so different, all of that. We know what it is when we hear it, even though the person saying these things, you know, they think they’re being helpful.
00;17;16;21 – 00;17;17;07
Ayana King
You know, I.
00;17;17;07 – 00;17;21;25
Lori Jo Vest
Don’t like black people, but I like you. Yeah, I know what they’re saying.
00;17;22;00 – 00;17;34;27
Ayana King
Right, Right. Let me tell you something else that really, really irritates me. Okay. So, you know, we live we well, I’m in Wayne County, I think. Are you and Wayne in Oakland?
00;17;35;16 – 00;17;36;06
Lori Jo Vest
I’m in Oakland.
00;17;36;22 – 00;18;02;13
Ayana King
Okay. I’m Wayne County. I’m in a small city, literally a short drive to Detroit. Okay. And so the number of white folks who are here in the suburbs who talk about not going to Detroit, I’m not going to go to Detroit. People I know, people I know it is such a red flag for me because you’re not looking at your own neighborhood and the meth addict who be walking around through your backyard up and down your street.
00;18;02;26 – 00;18;26;15
Ayana King
You’re not talking about these people on that knoll who are breaking into houses and stealing. You’re not talking about people who are harming children in your own community, but you are so focused on I don’t want to go to Detroit because it’s dangerous. Sir, Ma’am. Madam, your living room. Yeah. What you need to be worried about. Okay. Your neighborhood is what you need to be worried about.
00;18;26;15 – 00;18;45;05
Ayana King
And that is a red flag for me. Because what you’re saying is this city that is predominantly black is a dangerous city because it is predominantly black. All of that. You know, that’s a red flag for me. I see you for who you are. Just just say I’m a racist. But the thing is, is that makes exactly. I don’t know that they’re racist.
00;18;45;14 – 00;18;48;07
Ayana King
They just don’t know it. You know, they don’t know.
00;18;48;08 – 00;18;51;11
Lori Jo Vest
How to find out how. How do they find out?
00;18;51;18 – 00;19;11;11
Ayana King
You don’t. They don’t until they run into somebody like me or somebody like you who’s willing to say, you know, you’re a racist. Right? You know that’s racist, right? Because in their minds, a racist is someone who goes around dropping the N bomb. Right. A racist is somebody who, you know, is just more overtly hateful.
00;19;12;02 – 00;19;13;08
Lori Jo Vest
But not racist. No.
00;19;13;19 – 00;19;20;15
Ayana King
Yes. Who’s more or aggressive? Right. But you know what I say. You know, quiet white women are very dangerous.
00;19;21;11 – 00;19;27;20
Lori Jo Vest
They are racism. Yeah. Passive racism is just as bad. Listen, if not worse.
00;19;28;09 – 00;19;50;16
Ayana King
Worse to me. Because you know what? I like to know who I’m dealing with. And at least with an overt racist, I know who you are. I don’t like people who sneak. And, you know, you know, like to dip around the community, you know, because it feels good for them. You know, they love the music but hate the culture, you know, don’t like the people.
00;19;50;24 – 00;20;29;06
Ayana King
Those are the people who are dangerous to me, the people who are in relationship with overt racists. Okay. But who still want to try to be your friend. You’re no friend of mine if you are also friend to racist. I see you. You are dangerous for me. Those are the folks who I think are I don’t know who who really need to hear it most because they think themselves to be pious, you know, not only want to get into the church, but yeah, they they see themselves as not being part of the problem.
00;20;29;14 – 00;20;38;02
Ayana King
But wow, I think about the damage that has been done just because a white woman has cried. Right. Will see it for what it is.
00;20;39;11 – 00;21;07;07
Lori Jo Vest
Let’s talk about that a little bit, because I find it really interesting that so many white folks don’t understand why what there’s two concepts, and I don’t think people get that They expect their black and other marginalized community friends to do the heavy lifting for them, to tell them about it, to explain it to them, which I’m kind of doing today to sorry about that.
00;21;07;07 – 00;21;25;17
Lori Jo Vest
But it’s one of those where you invite the experts on to talk. Right. But but people expect their black friends to do the heavy lifting and tell me why that’s a problem. Yeah, why is what I said a big deal? No, no, no, no, no. Don’t do that. It’s not your black friends job to tell you why you’re being racist.
00;21;26;13 – 00;21;51;11
Ayana King
Look. Oh, let me point out the difference, though. Let me point out the difference to here, though, Lori, is that you and I do have a relationship. Yes. And it is a friendship. The issue is, again, you have white folks who know black people. That does not mean they are friends and then accost black people to do the heavy lifting without there being a relationship.
00;21;51;17 – 00;22;13;09
Ayana King
Okay. So I know a lot of white Ford or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me why this isn’t right. No, go find out. Because it’s emotional abuse to me for you to all of a sudden think because you have a black person, you have access to a black person. Now you have access to the answers, but you don’t.
00;22;13;15 – 00;22;31;20
Ayana King
I’m friendly with lots of white folks, but that does not mean I am your friend. Right? Okay. So I do this for a living. Unless we are friends, I’m a go tell you to go find out or I’m gonna tell you where you can book an appointment. Okay. And I’m asking how much it cost to come through a workshop.
00;22;31;29 – 00;23;00;23
Ayana King
That’s what I’m going to do. So I think that I think it goes back to really entitlements. Yeah. And lots of white folks not understanding it as being entitlement, but that’s what it is. You believe because now you have access to this black person. You can just ask this black person for all of the answers instead of going doing your own work.
00;23;00;27 – 00;23;11;19
Ayana King
The work begins with you, not with you. Asking a black person why this or that is wrong. Ask yourself why you think it’s okay for you to do these things right, that that’s where you start.
00;23;12;02 – 00;23;19;13
Lori Jo Vest
And you’re retraumatizing people by forcing you to discuss it with you because they don’t think you’re safe or not.
00;23;19;28 – 00;23;41;25
Ayana King
Specifically in the workplace. So when I do my workshops, I start at the top, okay? I start with executive leadership because that’s almost always who needs it first. I start with boards and I tell them, just because you have a black employee or many black employees who are willing to share this experience with you does not mean they’re doing it gleefully.
00;23;42;01 – 00;24;03;08
Ayana King
I want you to recognize that you are a person with power and advantage. And so when you come to your folks on your downline and to maybe ask them their experience, some of them are probably going to share it gladly and some of them are probably going to share it with a smile. But that does not mean they are happy to share.
00;24;03;09 – 00;24;30;17
Ayana King
It means that they understand the rules and they understand where they are in the company and where you are in the company. And so people need to understand that. Go do your own work. There are lots of people who are doing this work who are giving you access to their work, sometimes many times for free. Don’t you dare go and ask people you are not in relationship with anything right now.
00;24;31;14 – 00;24;34;19
Ayana King
And when you don’t do that, you are telling on yourself.
00;24;35;06 – 00;24;35;15
Lori Jo Vest
Right?
00;24;36;04 – 00;24;41;14
Ayana King
Okay. Because you’re saying I deserve to know this and you should be the one to tell me because you know it.
00;24;42;08 – 00;24;52;00
Lori Jo Vest
Right? When in reality that’s the complete wrong person to ask. Listen, I have been through your workshops right now.
00;24;53;11 – 00;25;18;25
Ayana King
There’s so many different ways that you can learn. Okay. You might not have time to go to a workshop. You might not have time to read a book, but you can watch a documentary. Probably you can probably listen to a podcast while you’re doing your workout or while you’re on your way to work. There are lots of different ways we have to get creative and stop going back to the default of.
00;25;18;26 – 00;25;29;29
Ayana King
I’m just going to ask a person, I’m going to ask a black person. I’m going to ask a gay person. I’m going to ask a disabled person. Unless you’re in close relationship with them, don’t ask them nothing.
00;25;31;12 – 00;25;32;07
Lori Jo Vest
Seriously.
00;25;32;28 – 00;25;33;14
Ayana King
Don’t ask.
00;25;33;14 – 00;25;58;24
Lori Jo Vest
Them. Yeah. I personally think there’s a lot lot, lot, lot. A lot of books. Mm hmm. You can listen to them on Audible, like you said, when you work out or take a walk. There’s so many great books out there. They’re amazing and there’s so many consultants and workshops and videos and documentaries and things that you can watch to make yourself uncomfortable.
00;25;58;24 – 00;26;18;27
Lori Jo Vest
And if you’re a person of Caucasian descent and you are not making yourself uncomfortable to get rid of your hidden bias, then you can pretty much just put that racist label across your chest and keep moving because that is not going to change without you doing the work. Right. Just stop it.
00;26;19;18 – 00;26;36;00
Ayana King
And you know what? I when I read Isabel Wilkerson’s book, Caste, it really changed a lot for me because I stopped really asking the question because of her book about who was racist or not.
00;26;36;08 – 00;26;36;19
Lori Jo Vest
Mm hmm.
00;26;36;29 – 00;27;07;14
Ayana King
Instead, I think about the caste system. Right. And to be honest with you, I look at racism as a spectrum now. I don’t think I know. And I’m married to a white man, Right? I don’t think that there are enough white people in this country who do not grapple with racism because it it’s ingrained in everything you learn, everything that you are taught.
00;27;08;16 – 00;27;31;11
Ayana King
Almost every experience you have had with a nonwhite person. And so I don’t ask the question so much any more of is this person racist or not? Maybe I think of it when I meet people and I talk to them is how racist are they? Exactly. You know. Right, right, Right.
00;27;31;22 – 00;28;05;06
Lori Jo Vest
I mean, that’s it. Because, like, we you know, if you that was the book that really kind of just completely changed my life. I lost sleep over it for days. I didn’t sleep because it’s so in our history that we don’t acknowledge or even know about. It’s so toxic and so abusive that as soon as you read that book and you just like take it to heart, which I don’t think anybody can read it without taking it to heart, you start to understand the whole systemic what people mean when they say, yes.
00;28;05;19 – 00;28;22;04
Lori Jo Vest
I just heard that the AP courses were taking the words the stomach out from in front of the word racism and as part of meeting the standards of the new far right people that are trying to erase history.
00;28;22;16 – 00;28;33;23
Ayana King
And so what an exercise. What an exercise. Right. And what racism is that that white people in power get to now tell you what systemic racism is or is not. Right.
00;28;34;03 – 00;28;38;08
Lori Jo Vest
There’s no such thing. We’ll just eliminate it and act like it doesn’t exist. Exactly.
00;28;39;13 – 00;29;07;25
Ayana King
Exactly. So I just don’t think that is helpful for me to go around trying to figure out, you know, if Laurie is racist or if Kim is racist or if any of these people who I enjoy being around who I like, who I have relationships with, are racist or not. Instead, what I have to think about all of these people who I have relationships with and who I like is are they willing to see it for themselves and are they willing to change?
00;29;08;03 – 00;29;11;07
Ayana King
That’s a better question for me then. Is someone so racist?
00;29;11;29 – 00;29;13;04
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah, that makes sense.
00;29;13;08 – 00;29;32;20
Ayana King
Is that person a person who’s willing to see themselves and to make a better environment for me and my children to live in? Right. For me and other people who look like me to live in for for me and, you know, undocumented folks to live in for me and folks from the LGBTQ community to live in. Now, if they pass that smell test.
00;29;32;20 – 00;29;51;29
Ayana King
Okay, then maybe we could be friends. Yeah, they all passed the initial smell test. The smell test to me is, are you racist or not? Because the answer in my mind is always going to probably go, you know, I don’t know how you could be. Yeah. The litmus test for me is, do you know yourself? Are you doing some intentional work?
00;29;52;17 – 00;29;54;01
Ayana King
Are your eyes opening up?
00;29;54;18 – 00;30;04;07
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah. Are you willing to look at that dark side of yourself? Yes. Because there is we’ve all had of that shadow self that is, you know, that’s in there.
00;30;04;23 – 00;30;26;15
Ayana King
Yes, yes, yes. And what do you do when I. Yeah. And so when I do look at some of the relationships that I have with folks and when I also say to myself, man, I really want to like this person, but there’s something about them. I’m asking myself, like, do I think they’re doing the work? Are they uncomfortable when I bring up race?
00;30;27;08 – 00;30;56;16
Ayana King
I’m looking at their body language. Are they trying to change the subject? All of those are red flags for me. And yeah, again, this work is very personal. You know, if the only time you’re talking about race is when you’re with me, we can’t be friends because you’re with the therapist. You know what I mean? You should be talking to other white folks about this stuff because those are the people that you have influence with, you know?
00;30;58;05 – 00;31;20;29
Ayana King
So when you learn something new, I’m always telling people that come through and I’m telling you I have the most wonderful client partners and I’m I am always just saying to them, everything you learn, don’t hoard it for yourself, Take it back into the communities where you have influence. Okay. I love for people to go to marches and, you know, march for equality.
00;31;20;29 – 00;31;44;16
Ayana King
I love that. I think that’s really important. But I always say our much rather you walk your behind into your living room and talk to your husband or talk to your in-laws or talk to your siblings or talk to your friend groups because those are the people that you actually have influence with. Okay. You might. Walking in, walking in a march might feel good.
00;31;44;25 – 00;31;48;29
Ayana King
Okay. Might look good even on social media. But did you do anything?
00;31;49;25 – 00;31;50;28
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah. What changed?
00;31;51;03 – 00;31;54;19
Ayana King
You come home and not have any conversations with the people who you actually live with.
00;31;55;12 – 00;31;55;22
Lori Jo Vest
Right.
00;31;56;12 – 00;32;03;04
Ayana King
That’s the litmus test for me. It’s not a march itself. The march is not the litmus test. What did you do after the march?
00;32;03;21 – 00;32;04;03
Lori Jo Vest
Right.
00;32;04;16 – 00;32;08;17
Ayana King
Who did you talk to after the march? Are you only talking to me? Okay. Red flag.
00;32;09;07 – 00;32;33;06
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah. Seriously, though. Yeah. I never really understand that. And I don’t know how people. I think that our culture has also set us up to fear the different. To fear anything that’s different. So people that are older than you, people that are, you know, that are a different skin color than you. People have a different religion than you.
00;32;33;16 – 00;32;56;00
Lori Jo Vest
Like, for example, I remember going out to a restaurant with my aunt when I was like 15, 16. It was just the two of us. And she looked around and she said, I can’t believe how many Jewish people are here. And I had just moved to Michigan from down south, and I knew I was like looking around going, Well, how can you tell.
00;32;56;28 – 00;32;57;18
Ayana King
Me what.
00;32;57;18 – 00;33;19;27
Lori Jo Vest
She was talking about? I mean, there’s too many Jewish people. It would look like people at a restaurant and it just. I’ll never forget it because she was so upset and I could say nothing except for a bunch of white people in a restaurant don’t. But, you know, the fear of the different is so dug in, so deep in our culture.
00;33;19;27 – 00;33;34;23
Lori Jo Vest
And I don’t know, how do you get people to give that up to just go, You know what? Besides exposure, besides people, you know, talking to each other and being more open. And now that’s how And it’s white people talking to other white people.
00;33;35;18 – 00;33;36;05
Ayana King
Yes.
00;33;36;13 – 00;33;36;29
Lori Jo Vest
Right.
00;33;37;13 – 00;34;02;18
Ayana King
Yes. Yes. Because I know you’ve heard this said many times before, racism is not for black people to fix. No. We know how to navigate in this world with people who hate us. We know how to excel in an environment where people literally loathe us. This is not our issued effects. This is for white people. Racism is ours exclusively.
00;34;02;25 – 00;34;24;18
Ayana King
So you will hear black people say, black people can’t be racist. Black people can’t be racist. I just want to touch on that for a second because I think people don’t understand the difference between prejudice and racism. Racism has to do with power, okay? Racism has. That’s why you will hear black people saying, we can’t be racist. Listen, we can be hateful for sure.
00;34;24;25 – 00;34;48;13
Ayana King
We can be prejudiced for sure. But racism is about power. Okay. I’m I’m not going to, in most instances, be in a position of power over white folks. I’m just not going to. If I am the victim in a situation and the police are called, I’m almost always going to be accosted first. That has to do with power dynamics.
00;34;49;00 – 00;34;54;23
Ayana King
So people really need to understand that specifically in the workplace so we can go back to the workplace for a second.
00;34;55;15 – 00;34;55;24
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah.
00;34;56;07 – 00;35;20;04
Ayana King
This is why this work has to be intentional and you have to know yourself. If you’re if your first thought when someone of a different race, someone of a different ethnicity challenges you, if your first thought is they are being hostile. They are being angry. If you’re if your first thought is you need to tell somebody. You need to tell on your damn self.
00;35;20;27 – 00;35;39;04
Ayana King
Okay? Not because you’re a racist, because you understand power dynamics, which is why you say things like you’re being hostile, you’re being angry. All right. I can’t talk to this person. You know, I’m a person that talks with my hands a lot. I can be boisterous.
00;35;40;14 – 00;35;40;29
Lori Jo Vest
Safe.
00;35;41;19 – 00;35;45;23
Ayana King
That doesn’t mean that I’m angry, but you and I would be categorized very differently.
00;35;46;04 – 00;35;56;21
Lori Jo Vest
Aggressive. I get called like you’re just so aggressive. You’re so. You’re just too aggressive. You know, it’s. No, I would call it assertive, but because I’m a woman, I get called aggressive.
00;35;57;01 – 00;35;57;11
Ayana King
Yes.
00;35;57;11 – 00;36;02;20
Lori Jo Vest
And I’d say black women suffer even more from the angry black woman trope.
00;36;03;02 – 00;36;03;19
Ayana King
Definitely.
00;36;04;08 – 00;36;04;18
Lori Jo Vest
Right.
00;36;04;18 – 00;36;30;26
Ayana King
Definitely. So much so that when someone is actually discriminating against you, when someone is actually maligning you in the workplace, you will for me personally, I remember this doing mental gymnastics. Was it worth it for me to speak up or not? Because I knew I would be chastised, you know? Was I reading too much into it? You know, was I somehow being unfair?
00;36;30;27 – 00;36;59;07
Ayana King
Was I being extra sensitive? Because I was aware that I was the only Blackbird? All of those things happen. So people in the workplace really need to be, again, doing that intentional work. And I always say go to Project Implicit. It’s free. Take several modules. They will help you uncover your own blindspots. And it might not feel good to recognize some of these things about yourself.
00;36;59;13 – 00;37;07;01
Ayana King
But I always say it is much easier for you to swallow that than for somebody to point it out to you, honestly. You better know yourself.
00;37;07;22 – 00;37;20;00
Lori Jo Vest
Seriously. So if we were to give people like three different things that they could do to uncover their own hidden bias, that sounds like one right there. Go to project. Yes.
00;37;20;20 – 00;37;22;25
Ayana King
That’s. That’s top of my list now.
00;37;23;01 – 00;37;24;25
Lori Jo Vest
And then the other thing. Go ahead.
00;37;26;01 – 00;37;33;20
Ayana King
The other thing I think people should do is consider their friend groups. Are your friend groups diverse?
00;37;35;22 – 00;38;09;02
Ayana King
Do your friend groups include black and brown folks who can really share their experience? And if you say yes, my friend group includes black or brown folks, but you are not having these conversations. I want you to consider whether or not you are a safe person for these folks. That’s number two. And then number three, really immerse yourself into the black experience and you might not be able to do that on a personal level, especially if you don’t have family members by extension or friend groups.
00;38;09;11 – 00;38;32;02
Ayana King
But again, read books, watch documentaries, look at sitcoms and movies. You know, I think a lot of white folks always think as soon as you put the word black on front of something, it means that it’s only for black folks. But that also is not true. Support black businesses. Go in there. Walk around. See the things. Smell the smell.
00;38;32;06 – 00;38;56;08
Ayana King
Get to know the people. Do all of that. Immerse yourself in the culture. And again, if you are not able to do that physically. Technology is wonderful. Look at documentaries, sitcoms, movies. These are people who are sharing the experience. And if you are somebody who is purposefully doing the unlearning, this is part of that process.
00;38;57;22 – 00;39;20;07
Lori Jo Vest
Absolutely. Like I like to put myself in social situations where I am the only white person or one of two or three, because it’s the way that we immerse ourselves, that we start to break down those biases that come from living in the lily white suburbs and never seen a black person. So it’s like, Oh, I don’t. They’re different.
00;39;20;07 – 00;39;41;16
Lori Jo Vest
They won’t like me. Well, how do you know if you’re an asshole? They won’t. But what do you mean they just won’t like you? And that’s a lot of the fear. Like, Oh, I have a Jewish person. I’m sharing an office with a Jewish person. Now, what if I say something that makes them uncomfortable? Well, you might, but then want to apologize and keep moving and know and learn from it.
00;39;42;01 – 00;40;07;07
Lori Jo Vest
So the fear of putting yourself, you got to give that up. And that to me has been one of the best things I’ve ever done, is just to stop, look, look for options, look for places, look for opportunities. I hired a black woman as my business coach. Yeah. Leaps and bounds. I have grown, and she has a group where there’s like eight of us, and two of us are white, and the other six are black.
00;40;07;24 – 00;40;37;00
Lori Jo Vest
And it just, you know, again, just. Okay, let’s just. Why is that a problem? Why should I even have to think about it is I think this day and age in 2023 that we have to think about that and be purposeful about it is a little annoying or a lot annoying and pretty disgusting, but it’s really a fun, pleasant way to drop a lot of that stuff that I’m going to be to different and they won’t like me.
00;40;37;27 – 00;40;50;23
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah, that’s what I that’s what was in my head. I’m too different. I’m going to put my foot in my mouth, make a dumb mistake, and then they’ll hate me. Well, why? Because you don’t trust yourself. Are you that bad that you’re going to do something really mean? No.
00;40;52;18 – 00;41;19;24
Ayana King
You know what? I think sometimes and I had this conversation not too long ago with my husband, I network. Okay? I’m in professional circles. I’m part of my local chamber, which is predominantly white. So I am many times. One of the only black women in the room. Okay. Right. Not always, but oftentimes. And I think about how many of them would be willing to put themselves in that situation and they wouldn’t.
00;41;19;24 – 00;41;38;19
Ayana King
And I am convinced it is because, you know, your own people group. And so you assume that the same way your people group behaves at times, the things that they say out loud, you know, unashamed. You think that that’s that’s what will happen in the black community. Guess what? We won’t be doing that bullshit.
00;41;39;01 – 00;41;40;07
Lori Jo Vest
Yep. Yeah.
00;41;40;21 – 00;41;41;20
Ayana King
It ain’t the same.
00;41;42;03 – 00;41;42;25
Lori Jo Vest
No, it’s not.
00;41;42;25 – 00;41;43;25
Ayana King
It’s not the same.
00;41;43;26 – 00;41;46;07
Lori Jo Vest
It’s not. Yeah, it’s not.
00;41;46;08 – 00;41;46;29
Ayana King
Probably where.
00;41;46;29 – 00;41;50;20
Lori Jo Vest
That comes from or the feeling of this comment.
00;41;51;03 – 00;41;57;18
Ayana King
Yes. Yes, I am. I am. I’m almost certain.
00;41;58;09 – 00;42;15;20
Lori Jo Vest
I think that’s the moment of clarity. That’s a moment of clarity. Because, I mean, I went through some difficulties personally just feeling like I’m going to say something dumb. I’m going to put my foot in my mouth, I’m going to be an idiot, and I’m just going to be, you know, thrown out.
00;42;17;04 – 00;42;33;13
Ayana King
Well, that is because you navigate white spaces where, you know, people say the most overt and racist bullshit, okay, And then just go on with their lives no matter who’s around and you worry about that being your experience as the only white woman in a room full of black folks. We don’t get down like that.
00;42;34;04 – 00;42;35;15
Lori Jo Vest
And I’ve never had it happen.
00;42;36;13 – 00;42;37;14
Ayana King
And you probably wouldn’t ever.
00;42;37;27 – 00;42;39;26
Lori Jo Vest
I’ve been accepted and nothing that hasn’t.
00;42;40;07 – 00;42;57;24
Ayana King
Yeah. Yeah. And I’m not saying that hasn’t happened to someone. I’m sure it has happened to someone somewhere, but I think that that is rare. But I also think that there are some folks who will say that is also because black folks have been conditioned to be welcoming to white folks.
00;43;01;03 – 00;43;02;00
Lori Jo Vest
Mm hmm. Again.
00;43;02;18 – 00;43;15;21
Ayana King
Yes. Right. Yeah. So many, many, many, many layers. It’s many, many layers. And we won’t fix it until we do the work ourselves again. Very personal.
00;43;15;21 – 00;43;36;19
Lori Jo Vest
Work. Yeah, until we talk. And we keep talking. And we keep talking and we keep talking. And we make concentrated efforts to hire black people. Pay black people. If you want someone to help you with your hidden racism, pay a black person for their work, go to their shops. You know, I mean, that’s how.
00;43;36;23 – 00;43;38;24
Ayana King
Hiring executive process. Yes.
00;43;39;08 – 00;43;42;21
Lori Jo Vest
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Do you do executive coaching?
00;43;43;17 – 00;44;02;20
Ayana King
I have just started doing coaching with some of the folks I had already been working with in larger groups. So now some of those folks are saying can do some one on one. Like, what does that look like? And I have to be honest, that was weird for me at first because I think I had a lot of notions about who a coach was or what a coach was or what a coach did.
00;44;03;01 – 00;44;08;04
Ayana King
But I’ve been doing that work again since 2017, 2018.
00;44;08;27 – 00;44;10;04
Lori Jo Vest
So yeah.
00;44;10;04 – 00;44;15;18
Ayana King
And I am enjoying it. And I think that that’s another one on one is another really good way to, to build friendships too.
00;44;15;24 – 00;44;38;18
Lori Jo Vest
So is that. Absolutely. Well, I want to thank you so, so much for joining me today. And you just always have so many wonderful tidbits and insights. And I think we just got to a really deep place of why we all feel so uncomfortable because we expect to be treated the way that the white community treats others. And it’s not always good.
00;44;39;06 – 00;44;51;07
Lori Jo Vest
Matter of fact, a lot of times, if there’s any differentiation, it’s it’s used against us. You know, or against people that have differences. So where can people find your material and learn more about you?
00;44;52;08 – 00;45;15;07
Ayana King
They can go to my website, get Max Carnes dot com that is Getty. masc0mm. S dot com or they can find me under Ayanna King on LinkedIn. About 90% of all of my clients come from LinkedIn, so I love it so much. And yeah, it’s been great for me.
00;45;15;07 – 00;45;15;29
Lori Jo Vest
That makes a lot of us.
00;45;15;29 – 00;45;17;08
Ayana King
Thank you for having me on today.
00;45;18;03 – 00;45;42;19
Lori Jo Vest
Awesome. Yeah. Thank you for being here. So that’s it for today’s episode of Mom says Don’t be an idiot. I’ll keep in mind we have a book coming out April 1st, I.A. giving us a review. We have all our guests. We asked all our guests to give us a review of the book. Lots of great helpful information and advice on navigating the emotional landscape of business.
00;45;43;03 – 00;46;06;20
Lori Jo Vest
It’s crazy out there, and I don’t think it’s gotten any better. If anything, it’s gotten stranger in the last couple of years. But please, we’d love to have your feedback. We are looking for reviews on the different podcast platforms. I’d love to hear what you think. So send me a review and you can also in touch with me on LinkedIn at Lorrie Jo Bascom.
00;46;06;28 – 00;46;26;29
Lori Jo Vest
I’m an open networker there and our website is work Mom says dot com. If you have any ideas for a guest that we should have on or a topic we should cover, please go there and submit a contact form and tell us about it. So again, thank you so much Ayanna and thank you for joining us. We’ll be back with another episode soon.
00;46;28;02 – 00;46;28;21
Ayana King
Thank you.
00;46;29;19 – 00;46;31;08
Intro
Thanks for listening to work.
00;46;31;08 – 00;46;33;27
Lori Jo Vest
Mom says Don’t be an idiot.
00;46;34;03 – 00;46;44;14
Intro
For more information, you can email work mom at l0ri work Mom says account. That’s Lori at work. Mom says dot com and remember.
00;46;45;14 – 00;46;48;13
Lori Jo Vest
Don’t be an idiot.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 25 – “How to Be a Better Ally: You Have to Do the Work” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 25 – “How to Be a Better Ally: You Have to Do the Work” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
Work Mom wrote a book! My latest book “Work Mom Says: Don’t Be An Idiot! 38 Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the Hard Way” comes out April 1st. To celebrate its upcoming launch, I’m giving you a sneak peek into a few of those lessons.
I share 3 never-before-seen chapters from my new book, so you can get a glimpse of all the advice I share in those 38 lessons.
Themes discussed in this episode Stop listening to that mean voice in your head * Reframe what you see and you’ll see things differently * You don’t actually know sht
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
3:15 – Ignore the mean voice in your head: Don’t let the mean self-talk stop you from reaching your full potential.
5:00 – Reframe what you see: We all look at the world through glasses that color our understanding and our expectation of what happens. Luckily, we can reframe what we think by choosing different lenses.
6:00 – You don’t know sh*t: You may feel the need to prove yourself in your first job by constantly sharing what you think you know. Instead, listen to your more experienced peers, ask questions, and learn from them.
Top Quotes3:00 – What is that mean little voice in your head saying? Is it keeping you from bringing creative ideas and solutions to your job? Practice controlling those thoughts. Acknowledge that ugly little voice and then shut it down.
5:00 – Reframe what you see and you’ll see something better.
6:50 – In the first five years of business, you’ll learn exponentially more than you know when you’re just starting out.
7:15 – Always listen with an open mind to what others say. It’s a really excellent way to get the information you need and earn their respect at the same time.
TranscriptSUMMARY KEYWORDSWork, Accomplishment, Commitment, Writing, Thought, Talk, Year, Subconscious Mind
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 24 – “A Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 24 – “A Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
As the year comes to an end, it’s essential to reflect on the year and prepare for the one ahead. I share five ways to prepare for 2023 right now, so you can start off the new year on the right foot.
Themes discussed in this episode* Ending the year feeling accomplished * Create an ongoing commitment to learning for 2023 * Take action on the changes you want to make * Prioritize rest in 2023 * Visualize what you want in the new year
Episode HighlightsTimestamped inflection points from the show
1:15 – End the year with a feeling of accomplishment: Write out your accomplishments of 2022, no matter how personal or small. This will help you end the year with confidence and set a great tone for the new year.
2:00 – Commit to learning in 2023: Create a commitment to ongoing learning, so you can improve your personal and professional skills, your knowledge of business, and your overall performance.
4:00 – Take action: If there are life or career changes you’ve been wanting to make, now is the time to take action and finally make them a reality.
5:45 – Make rest a priority: Rest is essential for creativity, productivity, and quality work.
9:10 – Visually represent your goals: Whether you make a vision board or write it out in a journal, take the time to visualize your goals and clarify your plans for the new year
Top Quotes2:00 – There’s a lot of things that get done in those three hundred and sixty five days, but we don’t always appreciate them. I suggest that you start off with that 50 things list. That will leave you with confidence, with a feeling of encouragement, and some pride in what you did.
3:00 – Even reading 1 business book a month puts you into a brand new category of lifelong learners, and it will improve your personal relationship skills, your knowledge of business, and your ability to perform well.
4:30 – We’re all more critical of ourselves than anyone else is, so if you have a dream of a new job, take action on that
8:40 – If you are well rested, you will naturally accomplish more.
12:00 – Letting your mind flow and just writing what comes to you will help you clarify what your plans for the new year should be.
TranscriptSUMMARY KEYWORDSWork, Accomplishment, Commitment, Writing, Thought, Talk, Year, Subconscious Mind
Announcer 0:00
Welcome to work mom says, don’t be an idiot. And now here’s your host. Work, Mom.
Lori Jo Vest 0:12
Hello, everybody, thank you for joining me for episode 23 of work mom says, Don’t be an idiot. I’m Lori Jo Vest your host. And I am here today to talk about five things you can do right now to start the new year off, right? Everybody’s always looking at you know, dieting, and exercising and all these things as being, you know, the things that you’re supposed to do to start the new year, and you’re supposed to make resolutions to lose 40 pounds and all that. But I don’t know that that is the way that works.
Obviously, so many people break those commitments. And so I have a couple things that have worked for me that I would love to share today. And I hope they’re helpful for you, too. So first things first, ending the year right is always important. And what I mean by that is, you should have a feeling of accomplishment, there’s things you did this year 2022, that were probably pretty darn awesome, you may have forgotten about them. So what I’m going to ask you to do is get a piece of paper and a pen and write out 50 Things that you accomplished in 2022. And that may mean getting out the calendar. And looking back at what happened in January, you’ll be able to tell by appointments you had and people you saw. So you’ll want to get that calendar out, sit down for about a half hour might take you longer, and just write out the things you accomplished.
I’ll give you a few examples. If you adopted a dog, that is an accomplishment. If you learn to make bread, that is an accomplishment, if you started getting up half hour earlier every morning, so that you could take a walk with your partner, that’s an accomplishment. If you got six new clients, whoa, that’s amazing. That’s really great. If you started writing your book, whatever it is, you did, and there’s a lot of things that get done in those 365 days. But we don’t always appreciate them. So I’m going to suggest that you start off with that 50 Things list that will leave you with confidence with a feeling of encouragement. And you know, some pride in what you did. And that’s you know, that’s how you should feel as you look into the new year, what you want to make happen in 2023. So number two on this list of five things is create a ongoing learning commitment. And I know that sounds like bluff, boring, but what that really means is make a commitment to things that are going to teach you more about yourself about life, about your career, all of those things are relevant to the things that happen at work, so I’m going to push all three of them. That might mean adding a few new podcasts to your rotation.
If you’re a podcast listener, or making a commitment to read a certain number of books, I have a friend that committed to reading 50 books in one year, that’s a lot of books. Even one business book a month puts you into a brand new category of ongoing learners. And it will improve your personal relationship skills, your knowledge of business, your knowledge of how to perform well. So create some kind of a commitment to ongoing learning. And then follow it if you fall off the wagon for a month, get back up on it, keep going. Because it really is something that once you get used to doing it, you’ll never give it up. And lifelong learners are also usually high performers. That’s what I found.
Number three, consider the changes that you’d like to make in your life and the things that you would like to get done. What’s been hanging around what’s been hanging out there for a really long time. Did you have you know, did you mention to someone three years ago that you wanted to eventually write a book? Did you think about maybe going back to school and getting your master’s degree? Are you really dreaming of a job at you know, big company that, you know, you just don’t think you’re good enough for at that level yet. Stop yourself right there. You don’t know where you are. We’re all more critical of ourselves than anyone else is. So if you have a dream of a new job, take action on that take action on those items.
Because one of the things that that people frequently talk about is how they feel stuck. They feel stuck. They’re bored, they’re not motivated. Well, the solution to all of that is action. And if you give some thought to the changes that you’d like to see in your life, improving relationships, getting to know people at the job, getting to know your boss, documenting the work you do in a way that has you be able to go into your annual review with some numbers behind you, any of those things that you’ve been thinking about and haven’t done yet, make a list, start taking actions. Again, this will build your confidence, and it will build your productivity and your feeling of accomplishment, which then brings more accomplishment. So you see where I’m going here. Now, I’m going to take a hard right turn. And the hard right turn is take some time to rest, make a commitment to rest in 2023. I know hustle culture is the thing. We’re all running around trying to get as much done as we can. And we’ve got jobs and side hustles. And friends we want to see and things we want to do build in some rest time, as well.
Lori Jo Vest 5:48
One of the reasons I like to talk about that is based on some work by Benjamin Hardy, he’s a personal growth and I guess, goal achievement specialist expert guy. And Benjamin Hardy, great guy, really great work out there. And he’s the guy that will help you figure out how to get where you want to go. And he talks about how one of the barriers that’s in our way, as that we’re so busy with what we’re doing all the time, that we don’t take enough time for leisurely, creative thought, we don’t allow our subconscious minds to bring thought to the surface. Because we’re just constantly filling our brains with, you know, entertainment, or, you know, whether we’re reading or watching TV or watching a video. I mean, it’s, it’s a lot. And with our smartphones that we carry around with us, it’s really easy. If you’re standing in line somewhere, to pull your phone out and start watching videos or reading texts. What if when you were standing in line bored, you left your phone in your pocket, and you just kind of let your mind wander.
That’s where creativity comes from. That’s where subconscious ideas and thoughts can bubble up. The other thing he suggests is if you need to be a little more proactive about it, which I know I do, is that you spend 2030 minutes a week listening to binaural beats. Those are sound tracks that are created with sound waves, they sound kind of like music, but they’re more actually like a like spa background noise that’s supposed to relax your brain and cause you to relax. And it really works well. If you’re stressing out over something, put binaural beats in the background. If you want to let your mind rest, put some headphones on lay down on the couch for 20 to 30 minutes. And just let that kind of spa music roll over you. And you’ll notice that after 510 minutes, your mind will start bubbling up thoughts and things you haven’t thought of before and maybe thinking of things in a new way. So I highly recommend it. Keep a pen and paper handy. So that you’re able to scribble down those great ideas that you came up with, and, and make a commitment to allowing more of that downtime to because there’s a lot of talk about how you know we want to accomplish and accomplish and I’m guilty of that myself.
However, if you are well rested, you will naturally accomplish more. There’s a saying going around a mantra that people are talking about that slow down to speed up. If you’re slowing down and allowing yourself time to think and to rest, you’ll not only be more productive, but you’ll also be more accurate, less likely to make mistakes, because you’ll be calm and resting. And that internal environment is a critical piece of being able to accomplish great things which I know we all want to do. So my last item on my list, this is going to be a short podcast.
The last item on my list is planning. Make sure you take some time to after you’ve done these other things. To plan what you’d like to see happen in 2023. Really give it some thought what would you like to see happen? vision boards are a great tool. What I usually do with a vision board is grab a stack of magazines cut out a whole bunch of random photos and sayings and imagery that appeals to me with no thought as to why no one tension, no thought just oh, this is pretty I like it and pull out images. What I find works after that happens is I’ve got a big stack of images and I can start sorting through them. And I’ll notice things like for example, if I have a lot of outdoor shots, a lot of you know plush greenery trees that will tell me you need to get outside. If I have have, you know a lot of yoga meditation Zen kind of images, that tells me I need to do some more, you know, spend some more internal thinking, and meditative time. So it really can help you figure out with your subconscious mind and your creative mind what you really want in the new year. And another way to do that, if you’re not really much of a visual person, or just, you know, cutting and pasting things doesn’t appeal to you.
The end game of a vision board is you take all those sorted images, and you put them on a, whether it’s a poster board or a canvas, and put them all on it in a way that is very visual and visually represents your goals. And then you put that up over your desk or in your bedroom, somewhere where you’re going to see it. So the idea of if that idea doesn’t excite you, you know, cutting and pasting, and ModPodge and all that stuff, then consider journaling. That’s another way to, you know, not typing on the computer. But writing out in longhand, can pull things out of your mind that you might not come up with otherwise. And there’s a lot of things on the internet, a lot of if you Google, you know, planning my future questions to help plan my future. You don’t, they’ll be out there. But you can do something as simple as by the end of 2023, I would like to have blank, and then just start writing 12345 mine might be, I would like to have you know, to have developed a fitness habit that I’m significantly stronger than I am now, I would like to, you know, be a little bit healthier than I am.
Now I’d like to lose a little bit of weight, not putting any numbers on it, but I have things that I would like to do. So by writing it by the end of 2023, I would like to have blank. And just letting your mind flow and just keep writing what comes to you will help you clarify what your plans for the new year should be. And then put those words, phrases, images somewhere where you’re going to see them so that they you can keep your attention on your intentions. That’s what most of us struggle with is putting our attention on our intentions. So those are my five recommendations for ways to start this new year off right.
I hope you have enjoyed this program. I would love to hear from you. At Work mom says.com I have a contact form that you can use to get in touch. Tell me what you’d like me to talk about. Who would you like me to have on the program? Would you like to be on the program? Do you have questions? Love to hear from you. Also, if you are listening on Spotify and iTunes and those other podcast platforms, please leave me a review. I would love to hear from you. Keep on keeping on. Make it a good new year and we will catch back up with you in 2023 with more guests. WTF moments and career advice that will help you play the emotional contact sport of business. I’m Lori Jo Vest signing off. See you next time.
Announcer 13:06
Thanks for listening to work. Mom says don’t be an idiot. For more information. You can email work mom at lori at work mom says.com That’s Lori at Work Mom Says.com. And remember, don’t be an idiot.
Who is our ideal listener?This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.
The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.
“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”
What value can people get from listening to this podcast?Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.
On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.
“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom
Why do I do this? A few more words from Work MomI do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.
I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.
I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.
Episode 23 – “5 Ways to Make 2023 Your Best Year Yet” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 23 – “5 Ways to Make 2023 Your Best Year Yet” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
College teaches you a lot, but it rarely teaches you how to create a successful career.
Young professionals Kiley Transit and Molly Wagner join me for a fantastic conversation about the top ten things they’ve learned in the first few years of their career that they wished they learned in college.
The post Episode 22 – “Ten Things They Don’t Tell You in College” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In episode 20 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, we explore ways to use LinkedIn that actually help you build relationships and better your career. We invited Angela Buccellato of the Resume Rescue to join young professional Molly Wagner in a discussion of the power of LinkedIn when you’re just starting your career.
The post Episode 21 – “What’s Your Trauma?” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In episode 20 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, we explore ways to use LinkedIn that actually help you build relationships and better your career. We invited Angela Buccellato of the Resume Rescue to join young professional Molly Wagner in a discussion of the power of LinkedIn when you’re just starting your career.
The post Episode 20 – “Just Do the Damn Thing (on LinkedIn)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In episode 19 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, join Work Mom (Lori Jo Vest) for a fascinating discussion with Bob Cargill about his new book, “Twenty Jobs, Twenty Lessons.” Cargill uses his book to share twenty critical lessons he learned during his lengthy career in marketing, advertising and copywriting.
The post Episode 19 – “Teachable Moments In One Man’s Career” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In episode 18 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, join Work Mom (Lori Jo Vest) and Chrissie Zavicar as we dig into the topic of sobriety. Chrissie is the CEO of E-Link Consulting and is outspoken about her sobriety journey.
We explore multiple facets of sobriety from the common fears of becoming “boring” when you quit to the healthy ways to cope with your trauma.
The post Episode 18 – “Sober is the New Black” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
Do you work for an idiot boss? In episode 17 on Work Mom Says, Work Mom (Lori Jo Vest) offers some tips and tricks for surviving and thriving under an idiot boss. From learning how to “finesse” people to staying strategic and out of workplace drama, we help you get the most out of working for an idiot boss without losing your mind.
The post Episode 17 – “How to Work for an Idiot” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
As more employers push to bring employees back in person, they may want to bring play into the office as well. In episode 16 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, we explore ways to bring play into the workplace. We invited young professional Molly Wagner to join brand strategist Angela Ficorelli in a discussion of all the benefits to playful work.
The post Episode 16 – “Play More at Work” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
Does networking really suck? Or does your attitude toward networking and making new business connections suck? In episode 15 of "Work Mom Says: Don't Be an Idiot!", we dig into ways you can make networking work for you. In fact, you may actually end up enjoying it after listening. We invited young professional Kiley Transit to join networking coach Wendy Caverly in a discussion of techniques you can use to create more meaningful connections so that attending your next networking event is much, much easier.
The post Episode 15 – “Networking Sucks: What to Do Instead” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In episode 14 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, Join Work Mom (Lori Jo Vest)for a conversation about her top 10 bits of career advice she’s gleaned from business coaches. From making friends in your industry to when it's okay to burn that bridge, Lori shares new ways to think that can help you reach your full potential.
The post Episode 14 – “Coaches Give the Best Career Advice” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In episode 13 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, Join Work Mom (Lori Jo Vest) and Certified Professional Career Coach Heather Coleman-Voss for a conversation about narcissism at work. They discuss how to recognize and avoid narcissistic bosses as well as how to strengthen your own defenses, and some red flags and green flags to help you recognize narcs when they show up.
This podcast references the book, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker.
The post Episode 13 – “Narcissism at Work & When to Get Out” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In episode 12 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, Join Work Mom (Lori Jo Vest) as she shares her top advice for achieving your goals in 2022. She discusses the strategies that have helped her hold herself accountable, visualize her goals, and create a supportive community.
The post Episode 12 – “The Value of Vision & Community.” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In episode 11 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, Join Work Mom (Lori Jo Vest) and two seasoned professionals, John Reed of Rain BDM and Laura Khalil of Brave by Design, in a conversation about Idiot Bosses. The most common question Work Mom gets is "I work for an idiot! How can I make this work?" The answer? Sometimes you can, and sometimes, you can't. (Or you shouldn't.)
The post Episode 11 – “Practice on a Harmless Idiot.” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In episode 9 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, Work Mom provides a firehose of career tips you can use right now—what to start doing and what to stop doing—to grow your professionalism and your business success. Looking for some basic career advice? This episode is action-oriented and easy to digest.
The post Episode 9 – “3 Things to Start Doing Now and 3 Things to Stop Doing Now” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In episode 8 of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, our guest Dominique Wilson, senior art director, coach and entrepreneur/founder of LoveUToo and Show and Tell Academy, join us again (Yay!) to talk about Procrastination and Focus.
The post Episode 8 – “Procrastination and Regaining Your Focus” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In this episode of Work Mom Says, Work Mom discusses the "little white lie" and whether you can still have integrity if you use "harmless" untruths to make things easier for yourself and others. Hint: Those tiny little lies may not be as harmless as you think.
The post Episode 7 – “Integrity and the Little White Lie” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In this episode of Work Mom Says: Don't Be an Idiot, we talk about what it's like being a black American in the workplace. Our guests are Dominique Wilson, senior art director, coach and entrepreneur/founder of LoveUToo and Show and Tell Academy, and Ayana King, social media/content strategy coach, diversity educator, and entrepreneur/founder of Maximum Communications.
The post Episode 6 – “Being Black at Work” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In this episode of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, Work Mom talks to artist/illustrator/art director Brach Goodman and brand storyteller Gia Pallazolo, along with our audio dude Randy Stephenson, in a conversation focused on what brules (bullshit rules) you should be breaking and how to manage your relationship with your supervisors and leaders at work.
The post Episode Five – “Breaking the Brules and Managing Up” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 5 – “Breaking the Brules and Managing Up” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In this episode of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, Work Mom talks to Ashley Karbal and Sydney Newton, who are both recent college grads and ad agency marketing coordinators; and of course, Randy Stephenson, our awesome audio dude. The group discusses how to break that feeling of “stuck” so you can choose what you do next in every situation. Then we move on to the topic of leaving a job. How do you know when it’s the right time to move on to a new job or a new company?
The post Episode Four – “Getting Unstuck and How Do You Know When It’s Time to Go?” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 4 – “Getting Unstuck and How Do You Know When It’s Time to Go?” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In this episode of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, Lori talks to Dominique Wilson, art director at an ad agency and founder/self-acceptance and color coach of LoveUTo at https://www.loveutoo.com/; Sydney Newton, recent college graduate and ad agency marketing coordinator; and of course, our audio engineer and color commentator, Randy Stephenson of Stage 3 Audio at https://www.randystephenson.com/. The group shares stories about “mean people” – including how to think about and manage your work relationships with them – before jumping into confidence, looking at what happens when you don’t have it and how to overcome a lack of confidence in the workplace.
The post Episode Three – “Mean People and Your Confidence Game” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 3 – “Mean People and Your Confidence Game” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
In this episode of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, we talk about who you are at the office and how a side hustle can help you accelerate your business education. Artist, musician and designer Brach Goodman shares how his side hustles make him a better everything. And – BONUS – Randy Stephenson, audio dude and owner of Stage 3 Audio, joins in to add a little color and share his experience as a business owner.
The post Episode Two – “Personas and Side Hustles” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
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In this episode of Work Mom Says: Don’t Be an Idiot, Lori talks to Amanda Dalka, an advertising designer and college student at the College for Creative Studies in Detroit. Amanda shares a few stories from her already storied 18-month career. Lori and Amanda cover a several work challenges, including drinking at work, inappropriate behavior by bosses and clients, and the value of building strong relationships with people who can’t do anything for you.
The post Episode One – “Drunk and Disorderly” or “That Time Amanda Had to Hire Her Mom” appeared first on Work Mom Says.
The post Episode 1 – “Drunk and Disorderly” or “That Time Amanda Had to Hire Her Mom” appeared first on Work Mom Says.