Tend Your Garden: Recent Episodes
Róisín
A podcast that explores sex, joy, trauma and healing. And just about everything in between. Ranging from informal chats to slightly more formal I NEVER KNEW THAT interviews. Tend Your Garden aims to explore all the things that could impact on how you have sex and how you feel about the sex you are having.
First an apology, I didn't post last month because my laptop charger is broken so that's a whole ordeal to be honest.
But! This episode marks the first of the mini-series, sex in the brain. And what better way to kick it off then to record an epidsode about celibacy. Celibacy has been a hugely important element of my sex life. I also reflect on some of the sensual healing I did during this time.
Hello!! Happy June! Happy Pride! I couldn't not do a little pride episode! In this mini-sode I introduce a new topic I'll be exploring over the upcoming episodes. It's called sex in the brain and it looks at how the biggest sexual organ in our bodies is our brain! I also briefly gush over Heartstopper. Because it's too cute.
Sophie, we miss you so much and we love you. You were a force of nature. Xxx
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HELLO!!! It's been 5 months since we last spoke. This is a little deep dive into why I took an unexpected 5 month break from podcasting. I'm in a new relationship, I had a breakdown, I'm in a band. We go on a whistlestop tour of what happened. Mostly I just missed you all, I missed talking about all this stuff. Season Two of TYG is going to be all about connections, romantic and/or sexual. If you'd like to come on and chat with me please do!
*Audio quality is a bit touch and go this week
JESUS CHRIST I really made you wait for this one. I'm sorry, but being honest it just frightened the life out of me and I had to fully re-record it. Which truly fits in with the motif of this week, sometimes things take longer than expected and its ok and its important to be gentle with yourself. This is an incredibly heartfelt episode and if you are not ready for the 15 minute segment where I basically give you a pep talk on why having sex with anyone (including yourself) should be viewed as beautiful and meaningful this is not the episode for you. I tried to answer some of the most common questions people had and am open in a way about my journey with bisexual anxiety that feels very raw. I hope you enjoy xxx
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This was a hiiiighly requested episode and honestly a fascinating conversation amongst two Róisíns. Róisín Nolan, an incredible collagist, joins me to pop off about being constantly fucked zoned by the straight men in her life. And just to clarify we are not talking about honest, open communication we are talking about DM slides, late night booty calls and haunting your stories. Between the two of us we discuss how to navigate modern dating and why the sentiment 'ugh men' is hilarious but actually shames women's sexuality and shame has no place in a sexually liberated future.
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I know I say this every week but this episode is glorious. The one and only Sian Conway joins me to chat neurodivergency in the queer community, the mental health issues that come with not knowing you have ADHD, what exactly does it mean to be queer coded and Sian's very special place in my own bisexual awakening. I also throw in a little bisexual history for y'all. This epsiode is informative and chaotic like all the best things in life.
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This episode was everything I needed right now. Myself and the glorious Amy Clarkin sat down to chat about navigating dating with chronic conditions. As you all know I am NEWLY dating again so this felt like a cold glass of water on a hot day. Amy who is my first guest who was originally a fan of the podcast sent me some of her writing on the theme of sex, pleasure and chronic illnesses and it was so beautifully written it made me weep. We discuss friendship break-ups, advocating for your own needs and the power of thirst traps. Xxx
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TEND YOUR GARDEN TURNS TWENTY OOOOOONNNNNEEEEEE!! I can't believe we're here already. What a journey this has been. To celebrate we've got the incredible Eadie McCarthy on to discuss polyamory. She talks about how growing up on a new-age traveller site influenced her understanding of family, what she learnt through looking back on her old journals and some poly 101s. We chat about compulsive monogamy and how communication is key in any healthy relationship.
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This week the incredible Aoife Murray returns to chat about fake doms and why that term can help and harm the BDSM community, mental health and learning our limits. This conversation felt so necessary to talk about considering so many people are on their way to getting vaccinated and the chance for a frenzy seems hiiiiigh. Truly I've learnt so much from Aoife particularly regarding consent and navigating boundaries. Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: there were so many techinal difficulties with this one so please bear with me and the slightly dicey editing. But aaaaaaawwwwww this episode is a tonic for the soul. Myself and one of my favourite people in the world, Niki sex educator and friend extraordinaire, chat about sexual exploration, sexting and dating. We literally spend the whole episode gushing about how much we love each other. This is another NSFW jobbie but its also got great tips so maybe bring a journal or at least your notes app?
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This week we are joined by the incredible Mx Bel Morrigan who is so fearless and vulnerable that they took my breath away. I couldn't get over how open they were about everything. We discussed them exploring their sexuality with sex workers, coming into their queerness and non-binary identity and so, so much more. I laughed so much this episode. We also chat about dating (eeek!) and how sexuality comes and goes in seasons. This is episode is very NSFW so please listen to it with caution (and as much fun as we had!!)
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WE ARE BACK IN BUSINES BAAAAAAABY.
It's been a minute. In fact its been a full week longer than I'd hoped it'd be. But we're here, I'm queer, (Indira making TYG history told me that how she identifies is none of my business. Iconique) get over it. Indira Toussaint posted on IG a few months ago looking for candidates to interview for her dissertation about sex education for Black women in the UK. As soon as I read her post I knew she had to come on and chat with me. And my hunch was right. Indira's dissertation is a compelling and urgent read. This episode has so much. We chat about the importance of sex education and what it should ideally do. We chat about Audre Lorde, the adultification bias and the hypersexualisation of Black women. Buckle in.
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Hello! I'm moving countries which is hectic yet fun. There will be no episode release this week or next week depending on when my equipment gets to the UK! Thank you so much for all your support, it means the world to me. Róisín Xx
The incredible Dani Wijesinghe joins me today to discuss how gender is performed, the beauty of alter egos and how gender can be constructed in opposition, as in I don't want to be like that so instead I'll be like this. Dani is bisexual too so we chat about why its the most realistic sexuality and how are sexuality is informed by our gender and the evolution of that. This was such a nourishing talk about gender, sexuality and so much more.
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I have no words except that my heart is broken that you're gone but I am so glad that I knew you even if it was cut so short.
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Details of Sophie's vigil in London are available on their page.
Give a warm welcome to Karen Miano co-creator of Origins Eile a space made for and by Black queer people in Ireland. Karen and I discuss the perils of pedestal feminism, why its vitally important to not only ask Black people about racism and the difference between intentional versus safe spaces. We also stan Emma Dabiri. Karen chats about the cult of productivity, the celebrification of activism and how we do not have to monetise eeeeverything we do. DISCLAIMER: my voice is very sore in this.
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The one and only Désirée Fong joined me to chat about her re-imagining of Orientalism, a concept coined by Edward Said. She is so incredibly eloquent I could barely stop myself from shouting GET THIS WOMAN A PODCAST throughout our interview. Desiree spoke with heart-wrenching vulnerability about how Orientalism and the oppressive system of othering does not only shape our theoretical world but our material and emotional world. We spoke about inter-racial (and inter-cultural) relationships, porn, power dynamics and the myth of the model minority. This episode is everything.
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There is a LOT of talk at the moment about getting our bodies 'back' before lockdown is lifted. This episode is exactly what you need if you are stuck in that loop right now. You body never went anywhere, it was there the whole time. Meghan Gilleece (@meggilleece) joins me to chat about body neutrality, how body positivity has been co-opted, OCD and how she finally broke up with diet culture. We bonded over being baby emos and how society relentlessly dehumanises fat people. I talk about how having an eating disorder made me fear fat bodies and how Lindy West's book Shrill stopped me from being Fatphobic (if you haven't read it please do immediately!) We discussed about growing up with certain body expectations and how lockdown has opened up some negative thought/behavioral patterns again. Meg highlights how healing is never linear but it is always possible and the healing power of Social Media. She also talks about how losing weight does not always equate being healthy and so SO much more.
Find Meghan online here https://www.instagram.com/meggilleece/?hl=en
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Buckle in love bugs, this one is a wiiiiild ride. Shawna, the owner of Sex Siopa Ireland's premier Feminist sex shop joins me to chat being the 'slutty' child in a religious family, the joys of masturbation and the sinister impact of abstinence only education. This episode was so filled with joy and laughter, it's perfect for the longer, sunnier days we're having. Shawna talked me through how she went from making home-made BDSM toys to owning a thriving business. We bonded over our mutual love of Come as You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski, and discussed how masturbation is an excellent way to center yourself in your desire rather than centering yourself in the desire of others. Send tendyourgarden.pod@gmail.com an email and let me know what you think.
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THIS EPISODE IS EVERYTHING. I was so, so nervous recording it because Nenna is my first guest who I literally just cold-called and invited on to chat but they were such a gracious and interesting guest I needn't have worried. "It's more than just sex" is Feelmore's tag line. Feelmore is an iconic sex shop in Oakland California with another shop in downtown Berkeley. Nenna discussed how growing up in Las Vegas led them to the production side of porn (which resulted in a multi award winning porno) and how opening Feelmore came to them in a dream. They shout out Bed, Bath and Beyond for providing the boxes that contained their first sex toys and how race played an important role in the conceptualization of Feelmore's ethos. Community and the importance of community came up throughout conversation as did US racial relations, both timely reminders these are vital conversations to have no matter what the subject.
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HERE WE GO AGGGGGAAAAIIIINNNNN! The wonderful Dearbhaile Casey came on to TYG just to tell me that bisexuals are scientifically irrelevant. No I'm joking, (not about the bisexuals being scientifically irrelevant that's unfortunately deadly serious) she actually came on to talk to me about the Venn diagram of science and sexuality. She discussed the chromosomal difference between 'XX' and 'XY' chromosomes and how there is not a specific 'gay' gene but that is not to say your genes and your chromosomal make-up do not influence your sexuality. We discussed how we should not be comparing ourselves to animals, instead we should be funding research into chronically under-researched communities. Dearbhaile also highlights how there is no default state, heterosexuality is not the default state. We also chat bonobo porn, complex traits, the importance of Christina Aguilera's song Dirty and being a woman in STEM.
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TEND YOUR GARDEN MINI-BREAK. Hello angels, I've doing a load of recording and planning this week and I've got a good bit going on in my life so I'm taking a mini-break. Enjoy this shortie about my views on hope and some things you could do to help 'Tend Your Garden' I'll be back next week with an incredible episode about the evolution of sexuality!
Senita Appiakorang truly, truly brought so much to this episode. As you can tell from the title we covered a lot and we absolutely went there. Senita does a podcast called Points Of Intersection which made her the ideal guest to discuss Intersectional Feminism and all its nuances. She revealed how Europe was not the opulent utopia it was made out to be and the danger of a single story. Senita dove into how our understanding of gender and sexuality needs to expand waaaay beyond the Western scope. Senita discussed what it was like in Direct Provision in Kerry and how her unusual but wonderful family came to be. We also covered unlearning heterosexuality and how sometimes our romantic preferences are just that and sometimes they are shaped by the systems of power. We also bonded over having family from the same(ish) spot in rural Kerry!
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Oooooooofffff this conversation with the wonderful Gillian Ang truly left me with so much to think about. They discuss decolonising gender, colonialism and navigating their identity as a queer, Malaysian-Chinese person. We also discussed the vital importance of communication, particularly if you are struggling with your sexuality. They were raw and vulnerable and brought the radical intelligence as always. Gillian chatted about how academia is rigged and how we all need to be on our guard for the way colonialism shapes our thinking. We also went into how important (and messy and glorious) oral sex is. Gillian also shared the story of how I aggressively friended them.
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The magnificent Andrea Werhun or weener woman author of Modern Whore joins me this week to have a timely discussion about street harassment, whorephobia, the politics of shame and iconic mothers. If you have a chronic condition that is being aggravated by this GLOBAL PANDEMIC we are currently in this is the episode for you. Myself and Andrea go in deep about the toll of eczema and finding inner beauty. Honestly I am such a huge fan of Andrea's work and she spoke so beautifully about sex work, how men never should have found out about what their semen was for and the true meaning of being a 'whore'.
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ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL. Aoife Murray is (in her own words) here to corrupt you. And corrupt me she did. Aoife joined me to chat BDSM 101, chains, whips and self-care tips. She encouraged me to do the bdsmtest.org before we chatted and its results were enlightening (do it!) In our sprawling and glorious chat we covered why vanilla isn't an insult, the differences between kinks and BDSM, how BDSM is an inclusive community for asexual people, online etiquette and the importance of consent. I learnt so much from this chat and I think you will too. Turns out there is a lot the vanilla world should draw from the BDSM world particularly around communication, respect and boundaries. Aoife walks that line between informative and empowering and makes the world of BDSM seem so much more approachable.
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What a joy it was to have Beanie (@beanie_the_jet) on the show. I am a huge fan of her work and I basically spent this whole episode trying (and failing) to not totally fangirl. If you haven't followed Filthy Friday this is exactly what you need in your life. Beanie is not only a self-described Filth Queen she is also a joyful and seemingly tireless activist. The space she has created with Filthy Friday is vital for society and the battle against misrepresentation. A space where no matter what you size, race, gender etc you can be celebrated and represent yourself how you want to be represented. We discuss intersectionality, motherhood, sex worker rights, radical self-acceptance, being loud and how everyone needs to start giving Black women the respect and payment they deserve. I hope you enjoy listening to this as much as I did recording it.
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This episode is a wiiiild ride so buckle in. Sophie Williams co-founder of We Exist takes my breath away with how raw and honest and hilarious she is. We explore the stages of trauma, how geography shapes our experiences, healing through art and the transformative power of good sex. She always shares the beautiful (and bloody) tale of how herself and her mum reconnected after years of not speaking. Find Sophie at www.sophiegwenwilliams.com or on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/sophiegwenwilliams/?hl=en Follow and DONATE to We Exist https://www.instagram.com/weexistlondon/?hl=en
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Where DIDN'T we go this episode. Charlotte Greenstock, trapeze artist and stripper extraordinaire, takes us through how she went from being the (self-described) religious weird kid and trying to pray the gay away to realising she was bisexual. With incredible vulnerability she discusses parental slut-shaming, reckoning with her chronic shame and finding liberation and joy in stripping. Charlotte and I spill the tea on our very own missed connection and how tricky it is to know if you are on a mates date or a date dateas a queer person. And there is lots and LOTS of sex talk.
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CLASS IS IN SESSION. Welcome to Terminology Tuesday where I, your humble host Róisín, explore certain themes more in depth. This week it's sex positivity versus sex neutrality. I outline why I identify as sex neutral, my issues with sex positivity and how to change your life for good (plot twist its more tortoise than hare) Don't forget to follow Tend Your Garden on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/tendyourgarden.podcast/?hl=en and like our page on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/Tendyourgarden.pod
LET'S GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO OUR RESIDENT SEX EDUCATOR. This episode is such a dream. Myself and Niki AKA Miss Bloom discuss how her journey to becoming a sex educator, the importance of platonic soulmates, how she was the first person to ever tell me that healing was an option as well as her hilarious and heartwarming first experience of masturbating. We also reveal our origin story (it involved nudes) and the wild times we shared in New York. If you are missing your friends at the moment, this is the episode for you.
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Meet your host....me! Róisín Nic Ghearailt. This episode truly has my heart and soul in it and I hope that you enjoy it. Tend Your Garden has officially launched and I couldn't be more excited. In this episode I talk about growing up religiously, chronic shame, healing, my own journey with sexual trauma and finding joy in bisexuality.
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Music by https://www.instagram.com/fears____/?hl=en