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SHOW NOTES: When the Ripple Returns: What the Starfish Story Never Told Us explores one of the most enduring motivational stories through a fresh lens. We all know the lesson of the starfish story: one person can make a difference. But what happens when that difference finds its way back to us? In this episode of Encouragementology, we talk about overcoming the feeling of helplessness, why one act of kindness is never too small, and how encouragement creates ripples we may never see. You’ll discover that changing one life isn’t a consolation prize. It may be exactly how the world changes, one person, one conversation, and one act of compassion at a time. Here is what we unpack together: * Why the Starfish Story continues to resonate decades after it was first told. * How all-or-nothing thinking keeps us from making a meaningful difference. * The surprising power of focusing on one person instead of the whole problem. * Why awareness without action can leave us feeling helpless. * How simple acts of encouragement create ripples that continue long after we’re gone. * The role of generosity, compassion, and presence in building stronger communities. * Why we should never give with the expectation of getting something back, yet remain grateful when a ripple unexpectedly returns. * The beautiful connection between planting seeds today and blessing people we may never meet. * Practical ways to notice the “starfish” already in your everyday life. * How choosing faithfulness over visibility leads to a life of lasting significance.

CHALLENGE: Become someone’s starfish. Don’t wait until you have the time, the resources, or the perfect opportunity. Reach out, encourage someone, plant a seed of kindness, and then release it without needing to know where the ripple will go. And if one day that ripple finds its way back to you, receive it as a beautiful reminder to keep planting, keep encouraging, and keep believing that one person is enough. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: Why do I feel off even when everything looks fine? If you’ve ever asked yourself that question, you’re not alone. Sometimes life appears to be going well on the outside, yet something inside feels unsettled. In this episode of Encouragementology, we explore why that disconnect happens and how comparison, unrealistic expectations, emotional misalignment, and the stories we tell ourselves can quietly shape our perspective. Instead of assuming something is wrong, you’ll learn how to pause, investigate your feelings with curiosity, and reconnect with what’s actually true. This conversation will help you stop chasing someone else’s version of “enough” and start appreciating the ordinary moments that often become the most meaningful parts of a well-lived life. Here is what we unpack together: * Why feeling “off” doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong with your life. * The difference between emotions that inform us and emotions that mislead us. * How the arrival fallacy keeps moving the finish line for happiness. * Why social comparison makes us feel like we’re missing out, even when we’re not. * A simple personal inventory to help separate facts from interpretations. * How to identify whether you’re chasing an object or the emotion you hope it will provide. * Practical ways to reconnect with what’s true before making major life changes. * Why we’ve lost the ability to appreciate ordinary life and how to reclaim it. * The surprising freedom that comes from questioning the stories your mind creates. * How curiosity, discernment, and gratitude can help you find peace without changing your circumstances.

CHALLENGE: Become a detective instead of a critic. When that quiet feeling tells you something is missing, don’t rush to change your life. Pause, get curious, and ask yourself what story you’re believing and whether it’s actually true. You may discover that the peace you’ve been searching for wasn’t waiting somewhere else…it was waiting for you to see your life with clearer eyes. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: The Two Things You Can Control: Your Inner World and Your Outer Influence explores one of life’s most freeing truths: while we can’t control every thought that enters our minds or every outcome that follows our actions, we can choose what we welcome into our hearts and what we release into the world. In this episode, we’ll discover how living with greater intentionality can quiet mental clutter, strengthen our relationships, and remind us of the incredible influence we possess every single day. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed by circumstances beyond your control, this conversation offers a fresh perspective on where your true power begins. Here is what we unpack together: * Why trying to control everything often leaves us mentally and emotionally exhausted. * The powerful image of the “two gates” and how it can transform your daily perspective. * How to let difficult thoughts pass like clouds instead of allowing them to take up residence in your mind. * The difference between noticing a thought and believing a thought. * Why every word, attitude, and action becomes the first link in a chain of influence. * Insights from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Viktor Frankl, and James Clear on choice, attention, and intentional living. * Four practical ways to become more intentional with both your inner world and your outward influence. * The surprising difference between protecting your peace and producing peace. * How small, everyday choices shape not only your experience but also the lives of those around you. * A reflective devotional and weekly challenge to help you practice intentionality at both gates.

Remember: You may not control every cloud that drifts overhead or every link that follows your actions, but you always have the power to choose what you welcome in and what you send back out. CHALLENGE: Pause at both gates. Before you give a thought permission to stay, ask if it deserves your attention. Before you offer a word or reaction to someone else, ask if it’s the first link you want to place in the chain. Remember, your greatest influence isn’t found in controlling everything around you, but in being intentional with what begins within you. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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Show Notes The Stories You Keep Telling Yourself: And Why They Become Your Identity explores the quiet conversations we have with ourselves every day and how those repeated thoughts can shape the way we see our potential, our purpose, and our future. If you’ve ever caught yourself saying, “I’m just not…” or “I always…”, this episode will help you recognize the difference between a temporary experience and a permanent identity. Together, we’ll uncover why our brains cling to familiar stories, how those stories influence our choices, and how small shifts in language can open the door to lasting growth and hope. Here is what we unpack together: * How everyday self-talk quietly becomes the foundation of our identity. * The difference between describing an experience and defining yourself by it. * Why your brain naturally looks for evidence to support the stories you repeat. * How confirmation bias and negativity bias can keep you stuck in limiting beliefs. * The surprising power of one small word: “yet.” * A simple self-evaluation to uncover the hidden labels you’ve been carrying. * Four practical ways to interrupt old narratives and create room for growth. * Why telling the whole story, not just the painful chapters, leads to a healthier perspective. * How to replace criticism with curiosity and become a more compassionate narrator of your own life. * A reflective devotional and practical challenge to help you begin rewriting the story you tell yourself every day.

Remember: Your hardest chapter may explain part of your story, but it was never meant to become your name. CHALLENGE: Catch just one story you keep telling yourself and ask, “Is this really who I am… or is this simply what I’ve been repeating?” Replace that old label with one sentence that leaves room for growth, and see how it changes the way you move through your day. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: Are You Living Life or Producing It? Living Life or Producing It? Why Some Moments Are Meant to Be Lived, Not Posted explores a question many of us don’t stop to ask: Are we experiencing life as it unfolds, or are we evaluating it for its shareability? In this episode of Encouragementology, we examine how our relationship with technology, attention, and validation may be quietly shaping the way we experience our days. This isn’t a conversation about abandoning social media. It’s an invitation to become more intentional, protect your capacity for wonder, and rediscover the richness of moments that don’t require an audience to be meaningful. Here is what we unpack together: * The subtle difference between living a life and producing one. * How our attention shapes our memories more than we realize. * Why documenting every moment can sometimes diminish our experience of it. * What research reveals about memory, presence, and digital distraction. * The difference between seeking genuine connection and seeking validation. * Why some of life’s most meaningful moments are never shared online. * How private experiences can deepen gratitude, identity, and personal growth. * Practical ways to become more intentional before reaching for your phone. * The importance of protecting your capacity for wonder in a world competing for your attention. * A simple question that can transform the way you experience each day: “Am I living this moment…or am I producing it?”

CHALLENGE: Protect your capacity for wonder by giving your full attention to one ordinary moment every day. Remember, a meaningful life isn’t measured by how many people see it, but by how fully you live it. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: What if You Need More, Not Less: The Mindset Shift That Makes Healthy Habits Last explores a simple question with life-changing implications: Are we spending so much energy trying to eliminate what’s unhealthy that we’ve forgotten to cultivate what truly nourishes us? In this episode, we move beyond dieting to examine how the same mindset affects our relationships, emotional well-being, finances, faith, and personal growth. Together, we’ll discover why lasting habits aren’t built through deprivation but through intentionally adding more of what helps us flourish, mind, body, spirit, and connection. Here is what we unpack together: * Why discipline and deprivation are not the same thing, and why confusing them can keep us stuck. * The surprising power of asking, “What do I need more of?” instead of “What do I need less of?” * How focusing on nourishment creates healthier, more sustainable habits than relying on restriction alone. * Insights from habit experts about why lasting change comes from identity, environment, and small, consistent choices. * A simple coaching exercise that helps you shift from problem-focused thinking to possibility-focused living. * Four practical mindset shifts that can transform the way you approach health, relationships, productivity, and personal growth. * The “B-Side” perspective: why saying “yes” to what gives life can be more powerful than constantly saying “no.” * A memorable garden story that illustrates the difference between pulling weeds and intentionally planting flowers. * A gentle devotional reflection on staying connected to the people, practices, and values that nourish your life. * A practical challenge to identify one area where you can intentionally cultivate more of what helps you thrive this week.

CHALLENGE: Don’t begin by asking, “What do I need less of?” Instead, ask yourself, “What do I need more of?” Remember, lasting change isn’t built by emptying your life. It’s built by filling your life with what helps you flourish. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES Is This It? Rethinking Success, Discontent, and the Midlife Audit explores the quiet questions many of us face when we pause long enough to evaluate our lives. While the phrase “midlife crisis” often brings to mind dramatic life changes, this episode offers a different perspective. What if what we’re experiencing isn’t a crisis at all, but a thoughtful audit? Together, we examine where feelings of discontent come from, how we’ve learned to measure success, and why many of us are using scorecards that no longer reflect what truly matters. This conversation invites you to look beyond comparison, reconsider your definition of success, and find greater appreciation for the life you’re already living while intentionally shaping the chapters still ahead. Here is what we unpack together: * Why a “midlife audit” is often a healthier way to view periods of reflection and discontent * How comparison and inherited expectations quietly shape our definition of success * The difference between achievement and fulfillment, and why they don’t always travel together * What happiness research reveals about the natural questions that emerge during middle chapters of life * How the “arrival fallacy” keeps us believing satisfaction exists just beyond the next milestone * Why many people evaluate themselves using standards they never consciously chose * The importance of looking at the whole picture instead of defining life by one area of disappointment * How updating your personal scorecard can create greater alignment between your values and your daily life * Why discontent isn’t always a problem to solve and may actually be valuable information * A simple story about a gardener that reminds us not to overlook everything that’s flourishing while focusing on what feels unfinished

Download the free 5-Day Journaling Companion to continue your own Midlife Audit and explore the questions raised in this episode. CHALLENGE: Conduct your own midlife audit this week. Take an honest look at the scorecard you’ve been using and ask yourself whether it still reflects what matters most. Notice the areas where you’ve been measuring yourself too harshly. Pay attention to the parts of your life that are quietly flourishing. Then decide what deserves your energy moving forward. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES We live in a world that celebrates speed. Faster shipping, faster answers, faster results, and faster solutions. But what happens when that mindset spills into every area of our lives? In this episode, we’re exploring why so many of us want a home-cooked life on microwave time and what we may be losing in the rush. Together, we’ll examine the value of anticipation, the hidden gifts found in the process, and why some of life’s most meaningful experiences simply can’t be accelerated. If you’ve ever felt impatient with your progress, frustrated by the pace of change, or tempted to rush through a season of life, this conversation is for you. Here is what we unpack together: * Why a home-cooked meal is about more than food and what it reveals about the life we truly want * How convenience has shaped our expectations far beyond technology and everyday tasks * The difference between efficiency and fulfillment * Why anticipation is often part of the joy rather than an obstacle to it * How modern life has reduced our tolerance for waiting and uncertainty * The danger of treating growth, healing, and relationships like instant transactions * Why the middle of the journey often feels uncomfortable but is where transformation occurs * A simple way to identify where you’re expecting microwave results from a home-cooked process * The B-side perspective: What if life isn’t waiting on the other side of the process? * How learning to savor the journey can lead to deeper satisfaction, gratitude, and presence

If this episode resonated with you, be sure to download the companion journaling guide and continue exploring where patience, anticipation, and growth are showing up in your own life. CHALLENGE: Identify one area of your life where you’ve been demanding microwave results from a home-cooked process. Slow down long enough to savor it instead of rushing through it. Remember, the process isn’t standing between you and your life. The process is your life. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: What if the thing you've been searching for isn't missing at all? What if it's waiting in the one place you've been unwilling to look? In this episode, we explore why we avoid certain conversations, decisions, emotions, and opportunities, and how that avoidance often costs us more energy than facing the issue itself. Together, we'll look at the stories we tell ourselves, the fears that keep us circling the same challenges, and the surprising possibility that what we've been avoiding may actually be pointing us toward growth, clarity, and freedom. Here is what we unpack together: * Why the place you least want to look may hold the answer you've been searching for. * How avoidance disguises itself as busyness, research, preparation, and waiting for the "right time." * The hidden emotional cost of carrying unresolved issues in the background of your life. * Why "it's complicated" is often another way of saying "it's hard." * Carl Jung's insight about making the darkness conscious and what that means for personal growth. * How Steven Pressfield's concept of Resistance can help identify what matters most. * The difference between facts and the stories we create about our fears. * A simple flashlight exercise to help identify the area of life that may need your attention. * Why discomfort isn't always a warning sign and may actually be evidence of growth. * The surprising B-side perspective that what you're avoiding may not be an obstacle at all, but a teacher, a lesson, or even an opportunity.

Resources Mentioned * The War of Art by Steven Pressfield * Insights from Carl Jung on self-awareness and personal growth * Brené Brown's work on vulnerability, courage, and the stories we tell ourselves

CHALLENGE: Identify one thing you’ve been walking around instead of through. Shine a flashlight on it, tell yourself the truth about it, and take a single step toward addressing it this week. The place you least want to look may be holding the clarity, freedom, or growth you’ve been searching for all along. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: What if the stories you've been telling yourself aren't the only stories available? In this episode of Encouragementology, we explore the power of perspective and how the meaning we assign to our experiences can shape our confidence, choices, and future. Through personal reflection, thought-provoking examples, and the wisdom found in both childhood wonder and adult experience, we'll examine how rewriting the question can help us discover new possibilities. Sometimes the circumstances don't change, but the way we see them changes everything. Here is what we unpack together: * Why two people can experience the same situation and walk away with completely different stories

• How the question "Who do you think you are?" can become either a limitation or an invitation

• The difference between an event and the meaning we assign to it

• How our brains naturally seek evidence to support what we already believe

• Why "What you seek, you will find" is more than a motivational phrase

• Lessons from A Field of Wishes and the childlike ability to find wonder in ordinary moments

• How asking "What else could be true?" creates space for growth and possibility

• Why perspective is not about ignoring reality but expanding it

• The power of holding multiple truths at the same time without choosing one over the other

• How rewriting your interpretation can help rewrite your future

CHALLENGE: Notice one story you’ve been telling yourself and ask, “Is this the only way to see it?” Before accepting your first interpretation as the truth, pause long enough to consider what else might be possible. Rewrite the question, and you may just discover a new answer waiting for you. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: Whatever we avoid doesn’t usually disappear, it waits. In this episode of Encouragementology, we explore the emotional weight of avoidance and the quiet exhaustion that comes from carrying unresolved issues in the dark. From difficult conversations and hidden stress to shame, grief, fear, and procrastination, we unpack why people delay facing hard things and how bringing even a small amount of honesty into the light can create freedom, clarity, and movement. This conversation is not about exposure or perfection, it’s about gently acknowledging what has been asking for your attention and discovering that many things are far less impossible once they are finally faced. Here is what we unpack together: * Why avoidance often feels safer than honesty in the short term • The emotional difference between something being “complicated” versus simply hard • How hidden stress quietly drains our peace, energy, and confidence • Why unresolved issues tend to grow larger in isolation and secrecy • The surprising connection between avoidance and anxiety • How shame thrives in darkness while healing begins with honesty • The role survival patterns and emotional self-protection play in avoidance • Why facing something does not mean solving everything overnight • Practical ways to slowly “let light in” without overwhelming yourself • The freedom that comes from finally stopping the internal negotiation and telling yourself the truth

CHALLENGE: Stop negotiating with the thing that’s been quietly stealing your peace. Name it honestly. Bring one small part of it into the light this week, even if that simply means admitting the truth to yourself for the first time. Remember, healing rarely begins with giant leaps. It usually begins with one brave, honest step forward. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: The Outstanding Day: Turning Procrastination Into Progress This week on Encouragementology, we’re reframing procrastination in a way that feels more honest, compassionate, and surprisingly hopeful. Instead of viewing unfinished tasks as proof that we’re failing, we explore how procrastination is often tied to emotional overwhelm, perfectionism, fear, exhaustion, and the mental weight of carrying too many open loops at once. Through the idea of creating an “Outstanding Day,” we shift the focus from guilt and pressure to relief, momentum, and reclaiming mental space one small step at a time. If you’ve ever felt drained by the things you keep putting off, this episode offers a gentler and more realistic path forward. Here is what we unpack together: * Why procrastination is often emotional, not just practical * The hidden mental cost of unfinished tasks * How avoidance quietly follows us into our downtime * The connection between perfectionism and procrastination * Why small tasks can sometimes feel emotionally overwhelming * The idea behind creating an “Outstanding Day” * How tiny actions create momentum and reduce mental clutter * The difference between being lazy and being mentally depleted * Why unfinished things keep running in the background of our minds * How to approach yourself with more honesty and less criticism while making progress

CHALLENGE: Create one “outstanding day” this week. Just one intentional day where you stop avoiding something that’s been quietly taking up too much space in your mind. Pick one thing, however small, and face it honestly. Sometimes freedom comes from finally handling what’s been following you around. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: This week on Encouragementology, we’re asking an honest and deeply personal question: “Am I growing… or just getting better at coping?” So many people are functioning at a high level while quietly carrying exhaustion, disappointment, emotional numbness, or unresolved pain underneath the surface. In this episode, we explore how survival mode can slowly become an identity, how negativity can become a hidden personal narrative, and why awareness is often the first real step toward healing. Together, we unpack the difference between temporary relief and true emotional growth, while offering gentle ways to reconnect with yourself, your emotions, and the possibility of something healthier ahead. Here is what we unpack together: * The hidden difference between functioning well and genuinely healing * How coping mechanisms can quietly become personality traits * Why chronic negativity often develops without us noticing * The role self-awareness plays in emotional growth and recovery * How disappointment and emotional exhaustion shape our daily narrative * Why people sometimes drift away from consistently negative energy * The difference between temporary relief and lasting healing * How emotional suppression affects connection, joy, and fulfillment * Practical ways to interrupt unhealthy emotional patterns * Why choosing happiness often begins with willingness, not immediate feelings

CHALLENGE: Listen closely to your own narrative. Notice the phrases, reactions, and emotional patterns that have quietly become “normal” for you, and ask yourself honestly whether they’re helping you grow or simply helping you survive. Choose one small act of healing instead of avoidance. One honest conversation. One moment of reflection. One interruption to the cycle. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunes

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SHOW NOTES: Do you ever feel responsible for keeping the peace, managing the mood, or making sure everyone else is okay? In this episode, we explore the deeper question behind that instinct and uncover the difference between caring for others and carrying what isn’t yours. If you’ve ever left a conversation feeling drained, replayed interactions in your head, or felt the pressure to smooth things over, this conversation will help you find a more balanced, grounded way to show up. Here is what we unpack together: * The difference between empathy and emotional responsibility * How caring can quietly turn into carrying * Why you may feel responsible for others’ comfort * The role of learned patterns and early environments * How over-awareness can lead to over-involvement * The hidden cost of constantly managing situations * Why stepping back can strengthen connection, not weaken it * How to recognize when something isn’t yours to hold * The importance of staying in your own “hula hoop” * How to care with presence instead of control

CHALLENGE: Notice one moment where you feel the urge to manage someone else’s feelings… and choose to pause instead. Stay present without stepping in, and let the moment unfold on its own. Be aware of how it feels to stay in your own space while still being kind, aware, and connected. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: Your thoughts are powerful, but they are not always true. In this episode, we explore the idea that “as you think, so you become,” and what it means to bring balance between your mind and your heart. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a pattern of thinking that seems to shape everything around you, this conversation will help you pause, question, and gently shift your perspective so you can move through life with more clarity and intention. Here is what we unpack together: * How repeated thoughts quietly shape your reality over time * Why your mind looks for evidence to support what you already believe * The difference between a passing thought and a thought pattern * How confirmation bias reinforces your internal narrative * The impact of mindset on effort, resilience, and growth * Why balance between your mind and your heart creates steadiness * How overthinking and reacting can pull you out of alignment * The freedom that comes from not believing every thought you have * How to question your thoughts without fighting them * Why awareness, not control, is the key to change

CHALLENGE: Notice one thought pattern you’ve been repeating and gently step outside of it. Don’t try to fight it or force it away… just observe it, question it, and give yourself permission to see it from another angle. Let a second perspective sit beside it and see how that changes the way you feel, the way you respond, and the way you move forward. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: What you see depends on where you stand… and sometimes the very thing making life feel overwhelming isn’t the situation itself, but how close you are to it. In this episode, we explore how gaining a better vantage point can bring clarity, calm, and a more honest understanding of what truly depends on you. If you’ve ever felt like everything will fall apart without your constant attention, this conversation offers a gentle but powerful reminder that not everything you’re holding is yours to carry. Here is what we unpack together: * Why proximity to a problem can make it feel bigger than it actually is * How your “position” impacts your perception more than your mindset alone * The illusion of control and how it quietly increases pressure * What happens when involvement turns into over-responsibility * How stepping back creates clarity without abandoning what matters * The difference between caring deeply and carrying everything * Why not everything requires your constant presence to keep moving * How small experiments in “letting space exist” can change your perspective * The connection between identity and feeling needed * How distance can actually help you show up more intentionally

CHALLENGE: Take one area of your life where you’ve been standing too close and intentionally create a little space this week. Don’t walk away from it… just loosen your grip. Step back enough to see it more clearly, and allow it the chance to move without your constant involvement. You might be surprised at how capable life is… and how much lighter you feel when you don’t carry it all. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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Show Notes When everything feels like too much, it’s easy to believe that life is spinning out of control. But what if that overwhelming feeling isn’t a true reflection of everything happening… but rather how it’s all being held at once? In this episode, we explore how stress, mental overload, and emotional intensity can distort our perspective, making small things feel bigger and everything feel urgent. Together, we gently untangle that experience, helping you step back, sort through what actually matters, and regain a sense of clarity and calm—without needing to fix everything all at once. Here is what we unpack together: * Why overwhelm often comes from mental “stacking,” not just having too much to do * How your brain prioritizes intensity over importance when you’re stressed * The difference between what feels urgent and what actually matters * How negativity bias can cause one issue to overshadow everything else * Why separating your thoughts can instantly make things feel more manageable * A simple way to identify what needs your attention now, next, and later * How to recognize what is yours to carry—and what isn’t * The deeper “B-side” insight: overwhelm may signal misalignment, not just overload * Why you don’t have to untangle everything—just start with one strand * How gratitude can rebalance your perspective in difficult moments

CHALLENGE: Pause the next time everything feels like too much and take one intentional step back. Lay out what’s on your mind, choose just one thing that truly needs your attention, and let the rest sit without giving it more weight than it deserves. Trust that you don’t have to carry everything at once… just what is yours, just for today. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: What if the way you see the world didn’t fully start with you? In this episode, we explore how the beliefs, patterns, and perspectives we inherit early in life can quietly shape our decisions long before we stop to question them. Through reflection and gentle awareness, we begin to uncover what’s been passed down, what still fits, and what may be ready to evolve—so we can move forward with greater intention and clarity. Here is what we unpack together: * What “programming” really means and how it forms in early life * How beliefs are absorbed before we have the ability to question them * Why many of us begin influencing others before fully understanding our own perspectives * The concept of generational patterns and how they continue over time * How awareness often comes later in life—and why that’s okay * The difference between inherited beliefs and consciously chosen ones * How to recognize automatic responses and pause before reacting * Why curiosity creates space for growth without judgment * The importance of evolving beliefs without blaming where they came from * How small shifts in awareness can influence future generations

CHALLENGE: Notice one belief this week that feels automatic and pause long enough to ask yourself, “Is this truly mine, or was it given to me?” Then, allow yourself the space to adjust it, even slightly, in a way that reflects who you are today, not just who you were when you first learned it. Small awareness leads to meaningful change. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: Letting go of control sounds simple, but when your identity is tied to being the one who steps in, fixes things, and keeps everything moving, it can feel anything but easy. In this episode, we explore the deeper emotional drivers behind control, how it often disguises itself as helpfulness, and what becomes possible when you begin to step back. If you’ve ever struggled to trust others to carry their part or felt the weight of always being “on,” this conversation will help you see control from a new perspective and gently guide you toward something lighter. Here is what we unpack together: * How control often shows up as competence and helpfulness * The connection between control, safety, and emotional security * Why high-capacity people tend to over-function without realizing it * The hidden cost of always stepping in and managing outcomes * How control can limit growth in others, even with good intentions * The role identity plays in needing to feel needed * What fear is really underneath the urge to take over * The difference between supporting and controlling * How creating space allows others to build confidence and ownership * Simple, practical ways to begin letting go without losing yourself

CHALLENGE: Choose one situation this week where you would normally step in and instead take a step back. Let someone else lead, decide, or figure it out without your intervention. Notice what comes up for you, and use that awareness as your starting point for change. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: Time has a way of quietly slipping past us, especially when life becomes full of routines, responsibilities, and constant motion. In this episode, we explore how our perception of time changes across different stages of life and how easy it is to lose connection with the present moment. This is a gentle invitation to slow down, reflect, and become more intentional with how you spend your days so your life feels meaningful, not just busy. Here is what we unpack together: * Why time feels slower in youth and faster in adulthood * The difference between spending time and experiencing it * How routines can quietly take over without intention * The role of awareness in reclaiming your time * A simple question to evaluate your daily life * How presence can shift your experience of time * Practical ways to redirect your attention and energy * The hidden discomfort behind slowing down * Why meaning is created through attention, not activity * How small shifts can reshape how your life feels

CHALLENGE: Choose one part of your day this week and show up fully for it. No distractions, no rushing ahead, no autopilot. Just be there, on purpose. Let that moment remind you that your life isn’t something you’re waiting to get to… it’s something you’re already in. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: In a world where answers are faster and more accessible than ever, what happens when we skip the thinking process altogether? This week’s episode invites you to pause before reaching for quick solutions and reconnect with your own curiosity, creativity, and voice. We explore how using AI as a tool rather than a replacement can deepen your thinking, strengthen your confidence, and preserve the meaningful human connections that truly shape who we are. Here is what we unpack together: * The difference between using AI as a tool versus letting it do the thinking for you * Why curiosity lives in the space before the answer * How instant access to information can impact memory and learning * The shift from thinking deeply to simply retrieving answers * What happens when we stop trusting our own voice * The subtle difference between response and real connection * How human connection impacts us emotionally and biologically * Ways to pause and engage your own thinking before asking for help * How to use AI to expand your ideas instead of replace them * Why slowing down can actually lead to deeper clarity and growth

CHALLENGE: Catch yourself in the moment right before you reach for an answer… and pause. Just for a minute. Let yourself sit with the question, hear your own thoughts, and notice what begins to form without outside input. Then, if you choose to use a tool, use it to refine what you’ve already created, not replace it. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: At some point in life, the roles within our families begin to shift. The people who once guided us start looking to us for reassurance, support, and leadership. In this episode of Encouragementology, we explore the emotional and meaningful transition that happens when responsibility quietly changes hands. Through personal reflection, research on community and longevity, and a fresh perspective on what these moments can teach us, we look at how life’s role reversals can deepen our understanding of family, connection, and the relationships that shape who we become. Here is what we unpack together: * How life naturally moves through seasons of changing roles and responsibilities * The moment many of us experience when we realize the roles in our family have shifted * Why transitions with aging parents can bring both emotional weight and unexpected meaning * What research on community and the Blue Zones reveals about connection and longevity * How isolation can impact well-being at any stage of life * The importance of encouraging connection and engagement during life transitions * Why preserving dignity and independence matters when supporting loved ones * The perspective shift that allows us to see our parents not just as caregivers, but as people * How role reversals can deepen relationships instead of simply changing responsibilities * The value of curiosity, compassion, and presence during life’s evolving seasons

CHALLENGE: this week to pause and notice the role you are stepping into in your family or in the lives of the people around you. Instead of resisting the shift, lean into it with curiosity. Reach out, start a conversation, ask a question you’ve never asked before, or spend a little extra time with someone who helped shape the person you’ve become. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES Sometimes the biggest shift in understanding comes from simply looking at something from another angle. In this episode of Encouragementology, we explore the idea of the “B-side” — the perspective that often goes unheard when we become too certain about our first explanation. Like an old record with two sides, our thinking can get stuck replaying the same story. This conversation invites you to pause, question your assumptions, and discover how curiosity can open the door to deeper understanding in both personal and professional situations. Here is what we unpack together: * Why our brains naturally settle on the first explanation we create * How confirmation bias keeps us replaying the same mental “track” * The difference between defending a perspective and expanding it * Why disagreements often happen when people are standing on different sides of the same mountain * How curiosity can turn conflict into discovery * The power of asking the simple question, “What might I be missing?” * How challenging long-held beliefs about ourselves can unlock new possibilities * Why listening to another viewpoint does not weaken your position * How flipping the record can reveal insights you might never have considered * The role perspective plays in growth, relationships, and better decision-making

CHALLENGE: This week, flip the record once before locking in your conclusion. When you catch yourself certain about a situation, pause and ask, “What might the B-side be?” Give yourself permission to consider another angle, not to abandon your perspective, but to expand it. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: In this episode of Encouragementology, we explore the psychology of visibility and what drives some of us to step forward while others instinctively stay in the background. This is not about deciding which personality is better. It is about understanding your wiring, questioning your defaults, and learning how to stretch your range so your contribution aligns with who you are becoming. Here is what we unpack together: * Why stepping forward and staying quiet are both strengths * The difference between boldness driven by purpose and boldness driven by approval * How quiet contribution can reflect wisdom, not weakness * Whether you are choosing your role in a room or defaulting to it * Signs you may be over-speaking or unintentionally holding back * How to stretch your natural wiring without changing your personality * The power of leaning in when you usually lean back * The importance of leaning back when you usually rush forward * Why visibility is not the goal, but meaningful contribution is * How intentional flexibility creates growth and confidence

CHALLENGE: This week, stretch your natural wiring by one intentional step. If you usually stay in the background, raise your hand once and let your voice be heard. If you usually step forward, pause once and create space for someone else to shine. Notice how it feels, not to judge it, but to learn from it. Small stretches build confidence, compassion, and clarity. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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On this show… we’re taking a deep dive into The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and exploring how the quiet agreements you’ve made with yourself might be shaping your entire life. Have you ever reacted to something and later thought, “Why did that hit me so hard?” Or found yourself apologizing for something that wasn’t really yours to carry? Or maybe you’ve replayed a conversation in your mind for hours, dissecting tone, word choice, facial expressions, wondering what you did wrong. Sometimes it feels like we’re walking through life carrying invisible contracts. Rules we never consciously signed. Expectations we didn’t knowingly agree to. Promises we made somewhere along the way to be smaller, quieter, more agreeable… or maybe tougher, less emotional, more perfect. And the wild part? Most of these agreements weren’t even chosen by us. They were absorbed. Picked up in childhood. Handed down in classrooms. Reinforced in relationships. Whispered in moments when we were too young to question them. The Four Agreements sounds simple. Almost too simple. But simplicity has a way of cutting through noise. It has a way of revealing where we’ve complicated our lives by trying to manage everyone else’s thoughts, reactions, and expectations. Today, I want us to gently test the agreements we’re living by. The spoken ones. The unspoken ones. The ones that keep us over-apologizing, overthinking, over-functioning. Because here’s the truth: you are responsible for your thinking. But you are not responsible for someone else’s. CHALLENGE: When you feel the urge to take something personally, make an assumption, or blame yourself automatically, pause and ask, “Is this truly mine to carry?” Replace just one old belief with something kinder and more accurate. You don’t have to rewrite your entire story overnight. Just loosen one thread. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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On this show…we’re exploring Air and Light: Clearing Stagnation Without Forcing a Fix, and why sometimes the spaces in our lives that feel overwhelming, forgotten, or beyond repair may not need a dramatic overhaul… they may just need a little air and light. Have you ever walked into a room that’s been closed up for years? The air feels thick. The smell is stale. The silence almost hums. You hesitate before stepping in, not because it’s dangerous, but because it feels untouched. Undisturbed. Like time stopped there. That’s exactly what we were facing with the basement of an old building we own. It hadn’t seen the light of day in more than fifty years. Fifty years of stillness. Dust layered like history. Corners that held who-knows-what. And as we stood there talking about what it would take to fix it, clean it, repair it… my father-in-law said something so simple it almost felt too easy. “It just needs a little air and light.” Air and light. Not a demolition plan. Not a complicated formula. Not a weekend of intense problem-solving. Just open the windows. Let it breathe. Let the sun in. And that sentence has stayed with me. Because how many areas of our lives feel like that basement? An old belief about ourselves. A past mistake. A relationship dynamic. A dream we shelved. Something that hasn’t seen the light of day in a long time. We assume if it feels heavy, we must attack it. Fix it. Force change. But what if the first step isn’t force? What if it’s exposure? CHALLENGE: This week, choose one area of your life that has felt stagnant and give it just a little air and light. Don’t fix it. Don’t overhaul it. Simply expose it. Say it out loud, write it down, or look at it honestly with fresh eyes. Open the window and let it breathe. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show… we’re talking about reclaiming the middle by exploring life between the milestones. What it means to stay engaged, motivated, and grounded when you’re no longer at the beginning but not yet at the finish. Have you ever noticed how much energy surrounds the start of something, and how much celebration shows up at the end, but how quiet it gets in between? KEY TAKEAWAYS: The middle is not a sign that something is wrong. It’s not proof that you’ve lost motivation, made a bad decision, or failed to follow through. It’s simply the part of the journey where effort becomes quieter and growth becomes less visible. We talked about how the middle drains us because feedback drops off. Because excitement fades. Because the work becomes repetitive. And because many of us try to carry this part with willpower alone. But we also talked about something more hopeful. The middle is where self-awareness matters more than intensity. Where support matters more than pressure. Where understanding how you are motivated can make all the difference. You don’t need to rush through the middle to prove your commitment. You don’t need to pretend it’s easy. And you don’t need to criticize yourself for feeling tired here. What you can do is check in instead of checking out. You can notice what feels heavy without assuming it means you should quit. You can adjust how you support yourself without abandoning the goal. You can stay engaged without demanding perfection. And maybe the most important thing to remember is this. Most of life is lived between milestones. Learning how to live well here doesn’t just help you finish things. It helps you trust yourself through the process. So if you’re in the middle right now, let that be okay. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re right where the deeper work happens. CHALLENGE: Stop treating the middle like something to survive and start treating it like something to understand. Take one honest check-in this week and ask yourself what you’re missing, what truly motivates you, and how you can support yourself instead of pushing harder. Stay engaged, stay curious, and trust that this part of the journey is shaping you in ways you can’t even see yet. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show… we’re talking about how to have conversations that matter by taking surface chat to soul talk:, and why so many of us are craving deeper connection in a world that talks constantly but listens very little. Have you ever walked away from a conversation that technically went fine… but somehow left you feeling empty? Like you exchanged words, updates, maybe even laughs, but nothing really landed? Picture this. You’re standing in line somewhere. Or sitting across from someone you know well. The conversation starts the way it always does. “How are you?” “Good. Busy.” “You?” “Same.” And just like that, the moment passes. We’re surrounded by conversation. Messages. Posts. Voice notes. Podcasts. Hot takes. Opinions flying everywhere. We know what people ate for lunch, where they went on vacation, and how they feel about the latest headline. Social media gives us the illusion that we already know everything about everyone, so why ask more? But our souls know better. Because knowing about someone isn’t the same as knowing someone. There’s a quiet ache that shows up when conversations skim the surface too long. It’s not dramatic. It’s subtle. A sense that something meaningful was possible, but was never quite invited into the room. And here’s the thing. This isn’t about forcing depth. It’s not about cornering someone with heavy questions or turning every interaction into a therapy session. It’s about learning how to notice moments where a conversation could go one layer deeper… and having the courage and curiosity to gently open that door. CHALLENGE: Take one ordinary conversation this week and choose presence over pace. Ask one question that invites reflection, stay with the pause instead of rushing past it, and leave the chair open for something real to emerge. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show… we’re talking about building resilience when life feels hard, not as a mindset shift or a motivational push, but as the quiet practice of continuing on when you don’t feel especially strong or inspired. Have you ever found yourself in a season where everything feels heavier than it should? Not necessarily falling apart… just harder than normal. Where getting through the day takes more energy than it used to, and the future feels a little harder to picture clearly? A while back, my father-in-law shared an image that’s stayed with me. He said getting through a tough situation is a lot like driving at night. You can’t see the whole road. You can only see as far as your headlights reach. And sometimes that’s frustrating. Sometimes it’s tiring. Sometimes it’s enough to make you wonder how much farther you really want to go. On long drives like that, you don’t just push endlessly. You stop. You stretch your legs. You grab a snack. Maybe some hot coffee. You check in with yourself and decide how many more miles you can reasonably make before the next pause. And you keep going, not because you’re motivated, but because you’re disciplined enough to trust that morning will come. Resilience often looks like that. It’s not dramatic. It’s not loud. It’s not about powering through with a positive attitude. It’s about staying present long enough for the sun to rise so you can rub your eyes and realize just how far you’ve already come. Some seasons don’t require more motivation. They require more honesty. An honest look at what you’re working with, what you can change, and what you might need to approach differently. And that kind of honesty is where resilience actually begins. So today, I want to slow this conversation down. Not to fix anything, but to notice it. To explore what resilience really looks like when life feels hard, and why discipline, not motivation, is often what carries us forward. CHALLENGE: Stop waiting for motivation and start honoring the discipline that’s already carrying you forward. Take an honest inventory of where you are, choose one small step you can take with integrity, and allow yourself to pause without quitting. Remember, just because the road feels dark doesn’t mean you’re off course. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are exploring the difference between giving in and giving up, and why learning to tell the difference might be the very thing that keeps you moving forward instead of quietly walking away. Have you ever been at that moment where you’re exhausted, frustrated, maybe even embarrassed to admit how much effort you’ve put in, and you’re asking yourself, “Do I keep going… or do I stop?” Not because you don’t care. But because you care so much, you don’t want to waste any more energy if this isn’t going to work. I think this is one of the hardest decisions we face, and it’s not because we lack grit or discipline. It’s because most of us were taught to think about effort in very black-and-white terms. * You either push through or you quit. * You either succeed or you fail. * You either stay the course or you give up.

There’s not much space in that thinking for nuance. Not much room for learning. And definitely not much room for the messy middle where most real growth actually happens. What often gets lost is the idea that modifying your approach is not the same thing as abandoning your goal. That giving in to reality is not the same thing as giving up on yourself. Self-talk commitments you can carry with you this week: “This does not have to work perfectly for it to be worth my effort.” “I am allowed to change my approach without changing my commitment.” “I do not need to decide everything today.” “I am learning how I work, not proving what I am worth.” CHALLENGE: Notice where you’re forcing an all-or-nothing decision in your life right now. Instead of pushing harder or walking away, try giving in just enough to adjust your approach and gather information. Stay engaged, stay curious, and let progress, not perfection, guide your next step. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are getting back in our hula-hoop as we redirect worry into what we can actually control. Have you ever noticed how worry has a way of making itself very comfortable in your body? Like it doesn’t just visit your thoughts, it moves in, rearranges the furniture, and tightens your shoulders while it’s at it. I’m not talking about the big, dramatic worries that show up once in a while. I’m talking about the everyday kind. The background noise. The constant mental tabs you keep open that never fully close. What’s interesting is how often we don’t even call it worry. We call it being responsible. Being prepared. Being a good parent, partner, leader, or friend. We say things like, “I’m just thinking ahead,” or “I just care.” Meanwhile, our bodies are clenched, our minds are racing, and it feels like we’re always on standby for something we can’t quite name. Here’s the picture that kept coming to mind for me. It’s like standing in the middle of your own hula-hoop, but spending all your energy reaching outside of it. Trying to manage outcomes, predict reactions, and control situations that aren’t actually yours to carry. And the more time we spend out there, the more drained we feel in here. So today, I want to look at worry from a few less popular angles. Not just whether it’s helpful or unhelpful, but what it does to us, where it comes from, and what might happen if we gently brought our attention back into our own hula-hoop. Because when we focus on what we can actually work on, something shifts. We don’t suddenly stop caring. We just stop carrying what was never ours to hold. Worry has a sneaky way of making itself feel productive. It shows up dressed as responsibility. As preparation. As being on top of things. And because of that, we rarely question it. We just assume that if we stop worrying, something important will slip through the cracks. But here’s the thing. Worry isn’t the same as action. And it definitely isn’t the same as control. CHALLENGE: Notice when worry pulls you outside your hula-hoop. Each time it does, gently bring your attention back to what you can actually work on within yourself. Invest that energy in your growth and trust that you are becoming more capable than you realize. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re talking about perspective. Did you know that the way we see ourselves quietly shapes the way we live, the choices we make, and the stories we believe are possible for us? So let me start by asking you something. Have you ever noticed how quickly you decide who you are in a moment? Something happens. A conversation doesn’t go the way you hoped. An opportunity slips by. A familiar pattern shows up again. And almost instantly, your mind fills in the story. Not just about what happened, but about what it means about you. You’re the one who should’ve known better. Or the one who always ends up here. Or the one who just needs to stay in their lane and not expect too much. It’s subtle, but powerful. Because in that moment, you’re not just reacting. You’re choosing a role. Most of us don’t consciously decide, “I’m going to play the villain,” or “I’ll be the victim in this scene.” But we quietly accept those parts anyway. And once we do, we start living in ways that match the character we believe we are. * We lower our expectations. * We hesitate when it’s time to step forward. * We wait for proof before we give ourselves permission to change.

And here’s what I’ve been thinking about lately. What if the story isn’t asking you to wait for proof? What if the proof comes after you choose differently? CHALLENGE: Notice the role you’ve been playing and choose differently this week. Take one small, intentional step that reflects the person you’re becoming, not the version of you shaped by your past. Live like the story is still unfolding and that you matter in the next scene. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re pushing pause to reset the story we tell ourselves before we set the goal. Because goal setting isn’t just about what you want to accomplish. It’s about the mindset you bring into it. The beliefs you’re carrying. And the expectations you quietly place on yourself before you ever take the first step. Have you ever said yes to a goal, a project, or a commitment simply because you could? Not because you truly wanted to. Not because it fit your life right now. But because you felt capable, responsible, or maybe even a little afraid of what it would say about you if you didn’t? For a long time, I thought that was growth. If I could do it, I should do it. If I was asked, I should say yes. And while that mindset served me in some seasons, it eventually led to feeling stretched thin, overwhelmed, and disconnected from what I actually wanted. Last year, that realization turned into a mantra for me. “Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should or have to.” It wasn’t about doing less. It was about choosing better. Giving myself permission to pause, evaluate, and decide instead of reacting. More recently, my husband and I landed on another mantra that started as a joke but turned out to be surprisingly powerful. “I can do anything. Now, what do I want to do?” And at first, it sounds almost playful. But the more we sat with it, the more we realized how much it shifts the conversation in our own heads. Instead of starting with doubt, it starts with belief. Instead of asking, “Am I capable enough?” it asks, “What actually matters to me right now?” That small change removes the need to prove anything. It creates space to choose instead of justify, to explore instead of second-guess. When you begin with “I can,” doors don’t close before you even reach them. Curiosity replaces fear. Possibility replaces pressure. And suddenly, goals stop feeling like tests you have to pass and start feeling like options you’re allowed to consider. CHALLENGE: Pause before setting your next goal and ask yourself one honest question: “Do I want this, and why?” Choose a mantra that reflects who you are now, not who you were trying to be, and let belief lead instead of doubt or obligation. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re going to slow down and spend some time with something we all carry, whether we admit it out loud or not. Stress. Not just the obvious stress. Not just the big, unavoidable stuff. But the quieter kind. The pressure we put on ourselves. The expectations we quietly stack on moments, conversations, and people we care about, hoping it will all somehow come together just right. Have you ever walked into something already feeling tense, not because anything was wrong yet, but because you really wanted it to go well? You wanted it to matter. You wanted everyone to feel good. You wanted it to mean something. And somewhere in that wanting, the stress showed up first. What’s interesting is how often we think stress is coming from what’s happening around us, when in reality, it’s coming from what we’re asking of ourselves inside the moment. The invisible rules we create. The standards we assume we have to meet. The idea that if it isn’t done perfectly, it somehow doesn’t count. Today, I don’t want to talk about how to get rid of stress. That usually just creates more stress. Instead, I want to talk about how we get through it. How we move with it instead of fighting it. Because the truth is, stress doesn’t always mean something is wrong. Sometimes it means something matters deeply to us. But here’s where it gets tricky. When caring turns into pressure. When effort turns into self-judgment. When we start believing that what we give is never quite enough. CHALLENGE: Notice one place this week where you are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. Pause long enough to ask what you actually have to give, and then give that fully, without apology or self-judgment. Let that be enough. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re stepping back, not because we’re tired or unmotivated, but because sometimes you have to widen the frame to see the whole picture to give yourself credit while you look ahead. Have you ever been so focused on the next thing, the next goal, the next improvement, that you completely missed everything you’ve already done? It’s easy to do. Especially at the end of a year when life feels like a conveyor belt that never stops moving. One month folds into the next, and before you know it, you’re flipping a calendar and wondering, “Wait… did I actually make any progress this year?” Some people are wired to always look ahead. They’re scanning the horizon, thinking about what’s next, what hasn’t happened yet, what they still need to check off the list. And while that drive can be motivating, it can also leave you feeling perpetually behind. Like, no matter what you do, it’s never quite enough. Other people look back on a year and think, “Well… nothing big happened,” and use that as evidence that they somehow fell short. But what if the “big thing” wasn’t the point at all? What if the beauty of your year was tucked into the smaller details, the things you barely noticed while they were happening? That’s what I want to explore today. Because as the world moves faster and faster, it can trick you into believing that if you don’t move at the same speed, you’re somehow failing. But that’s not reality, that’s just noise. The truth is, you’ve done so much more than you think. You’ve shown up in ways that mattered. You’ve grown in ways you didn’t track. You’ve found clarity, endurance, compassion, and creativity in the spaces between the big milestones. So on this show, let’s take some time to take stock. Let’s give ourselves credit, real credit, for what this past year brought and who we became along the way. And then, with a grounded sense of gratitude, we’ll talk about how to set goals for next year from a place of clarity and confidence, not pressure or comparison. CHALLENGE: Carve out intentional space and take stock of everything your life holds. Pull out the moments you forgot, honor the quiet work you did, and give yourself the credit you’ve earned. Then, with that full picture in mind, step into the new year with clarity, confidence, and compassion for the person you are becoming. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re talking about something most of us feel deeply but rarely pause long enough to examine: how we honor the gift of time. Have you ever caught yourself saying, “Wow… time is really flying by,” yet found yourself spending whole stretches of your life on things that don’t matter, don’t fill you, or don’t reflect who you’re becoming? It’s that strange contradiction; we feel time slipping, yet we still give so much of it away to worry, distraction, obligation, or drama that never pays back. This episode was sparked by a conversation with a friend about entering a new season of life where time feels less like a resource and more like a gift, something to handle with care. I shared this year’s motto with him, “Just because I can doesn’t mean I want to or have to,” to which he said, “You’re preaching to the choir”. WOW, I wasn’t alone; we were both experiencing the same thing at the same time. There was a time when saying yes to everything felt like the responsible thing to do. It felt like proof that we were pulling our weight, showing up, and making things happen. Now, many of us want to choose more intentionally, not slowing down necessarily, but selecting the people, projects, and commitments that bring meaning. And underneath all of that is the idea of stewardship: being entrusted with something precious and choosing to invest it wisely. If time is a gift, how do we honor it? How do we invest it in what truly matters instead of what simply demands attention? That’s what we’re exploring today. Not from a place of guilt or pressure but from a place of awareness and gratitude. This episode is about shifting from simply spending time to investing it. And choosing what truly matters. CHALLENGE: Honor the gift of time by choosing what aligns with your values and letting go of what doesn’t. Invest wisely. Protect what matters. And receive each moment with gratitude. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re talking about something that feels simple on the surface but has quietly gotten complicated over the years; the lost art of human connection. Let me ask you this. Have you ever caught yourself choosing the easier, more convenient option even when you knew the real thing would’ve felt better? Maybe it was sending a text instead of having a conversation. Maybe it was Googling an answer instead of asking someone for help. Or maybe, without even realizing it, you’ve replaced community with convenience. I grew up in a time when your “search engine” was the person standing next to you. You needed directions? You asked someone. You wanted a restaurant recommendation? You talked to the locals. You had a random question or a big idea or a wondering moment? You pondered it. You reasoned it out. You let your mind chew on it. And in all those moments, even the small ones, connection happened. But today? We can outsource nearly everything: information, support, company, and even our curiosity. And while convenience is wonderful, it’s also quietly replacing the face-to-face interactions that used to stitch our communities together. I don’t believe humans were designed to live isolated lives. We’re built for each other. To feel for others, to be felt by others, and to feel ourselves more fully because someone sees us. So on this episode, we’re exploring the slow drift toward disconnection and how we can intentionally build bridges back to community, purpose, and genuine human interaction. Because convenience might be efficient. But connection? That’s what makes us feel alive. Let’s take a moment to define what I mean by “disconnecting.” I’m not talking about running away to the mountains or deleting every app on your phone. I’m talking about when convenience slowly replaces connection until you look around and realize you’re not engaging with real people the way you used to. Connection is more than being in contact. It’s being in a community where you feel known, seen, valued, and plugged into something bigger than yourself. It’s being able to walk into a room and feel the energy shift because you’re part of a group. Where are people getting that today? For some, it’s online communities, and that’s not all bad. But many have drifted away from in-person spaces that used to offer grounding and belonging. Church is a big one. And I get it. “Organized religion” has become a loaded phrase. Many people stepped away from the institution and accidentally stepped away from the community too. The real loss? Not just the rituals but the relationships. The potlucks. The check-ins. The encouragement. The sense of purpose that comes from helping, serving, or even just showing up. Without those touchpoints, it becomes easy to float. Easy to isolate. Easy to forget what it feels like to be needed or known. And yet, most people say they want purpose. They want belonging. They want to feel plugged in. But those things require participation. They require interaction. They require us to be in the room. So how do we start finding our way back? CHALLENGE: So, I challenge you… to intentionally choose one moment this week where you replace convenience with connection. Look for the conversation, the eye contact, the opportunity to help, or the open door to step back into community. Be brave enough to show up, be present, and let yourself be needed again. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re exploring something that shows up in almost every part of life, yet we rarely sit down and separate it out: the difference between critical and cynical. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to take something at face value, especially when the information comes fast, polished, and wrapped with confidence? Or maybe you’ve had the opposite reaction, where you hear something new and immediately think, “Yeah right…” and shut it down before it even has a chance. Somewhere between believing everything and doubting everything is the space we’re trying to find today. We live in a world that delivers opinions like a conveyor belt; nonstop, loud, and often disguised as fact. Articles, posts, videos, conversations, “experts,” your cousin’s cousin, all chiming in with certainty. And if you’ve ever wondered, “How am I supposed to know what’s actually true?” you’re not alone. It can feel overwhelming, and honestly, it’s tempting to pick one of two defaults: go along for the ride without questioning anything, or armor up and become suspicious of everything. But neither one really leads us to clarity. The more I think about it, the more I realize how important it is to bring your own critical eye to what you see, hear, and even feel. Not in a confrontational way, not in a “let me prove you wrong” way, but in a grounded, thoughtful way. It’s your job and my job to ask questions, explore, and do a little digging. To understand not just what might be true, but what might be false. To recognize that believing something at face value can be irresponsible, especially when your decisions, your peace of mind, and your perspective are on the line. But here’s where today’s topic gets interesting: being critical and being cynical are not the same thing. One opens the door to growth. The other slams it shut. One helps you navigate the world with clarity. The other keeps you stuck behind a wall of distrust. And if you’ve ever felt yourself drifting toward cynicism, maybe from burnout, disappointment, or just being tired of sorting through so much noise, you’re not alone there either. CHALLENGE: Take one moment this week to notice which window you’re looking through. When new information comes your way, pause before you react. Ask yourself whether you’re leaning in with curiosity or leaning back with cynicism. Choose the version of you that trusts your ability to think, explore, and decide for yourself. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re talking about speaking life. How the words we use, both out loud and in our heads, can either drain our energy or feed our strength. Have you ever noticed how quickly one negative thought can spiral into an entire mood? One complaint, one worry, one “what if,” and before you know it, you’re swimming in tension and exhaustion. It’s wild how something as simple as language can shape how we feel, think, and even heal. I’ve always believed that we’re more powerful than we realize. The body, mind, and spirit are in constant conversation with one another. Every thought sends a message. Every word carries weight. And when we speak life, when we choose words of hope, belief, and gratitude, we set off a chain reaction toward peace and restoration. I’m not saying life suddenly becomes easy or that we can positive-think our way out of every challenge. But I do believe that we can rise above chaos and confusion by intentionally choosing the voice we let lead. We’ve all seen what happens when negativity takes over. Worry turns into anxiety, anxiety into stress, and stress into physical strain. Cortisol spikes, sleep suffers, and our patience runs thin. It’s like our entire system is on alert, reacting to a story we keep repeating even if that story isn’t true. But what if we flipped the script? What if we started calling life as we want to see it, not ignoring reality, but speaking possibility into it? There’s a fine line between being honest about what’s happening and being captive to it. You can acknowledge the storm and still believe in the sun. That’s what speaking life is about: setting your internal thermostat instead of being the thermometer that just reacts to everything around you. Choosing peace even when the world feels loud. Trusting your resilience, your purpose, your ability to heal. Faith-filled words often come before faith-filled feelings. CHALLENGE: Be intentional with your words this week. Speak life into every situation: into your thoughts, your relationships, and your dreams. When negativity creeps in, stop it mid-sentence and choose words that reflect faith, hope, and healing instead. Let your language lead your life in the direction you want to grow. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show… we’re flipping the script and asking, are you giving as much as you’re taking? Have you ever felt like life just isn’t fair? Like you’re stuck playing the hand you were dealt while others seem to coast through with a royal flush? Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking, “Why do they get all the breaks?” or “When is it my turn?” It’s easy to feel that way when we’re hyper-aware of what we’re not getting, but how often do we pause to consider what we’re giving? Sometimes, entitlement sneaks in wearing the mask of fairness. We may believe we’re owed something: more time, more praise, more help, because we’ve been working hard, showing up, or just surviving. But here’s the deeper question: are we creating the kind of balance we’re craving, or are we tipping the scales with our expectations? This episode isn’t about guilt-tripping or grinding it out harder. It’s about awareness. About getting curious, not critical, and asking, “Am I contributing to the harmony I want to experience in my life and relationships?” Let’s explore what it really means to give as much as you take… and why that shift in focus might be the key to unlocking more purpose, joy, and momentum. And here’s another angle we’ll explore: how feeling stuck or shortchanged can morph into bitterness and blame if we aren’t careful. That mindset can convince us we’re powerless, resigned to our circumstances, when really, we have far more influence than we think. What happens when we trade frustration for curiosity? When we stop asking “Why not me?” and start asking “What can I do?” That’s where things start to shift. The B-side asks: “What if your version of 'giving' is actually masking a fear of being seen as selfish?” Here’s the twist: the most generous people are often the ones who’ve learned to give from a full place—not a place of obligation, fear, or performance. CHALLENGE: Take an honest inventory of your energetic exchange with the world. Where are you contributing, and where are you simply consuming? Identify one area this week where you can shift from expectation to contribution — whether it’s your time, your presence, your encouragement, or your effort. Give without waiting to feel ready, and see what shifts within you as a result. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re exploring the power of pausing to see what rest can really reveal. We’ll be slowing things down. Literally. In a world where “fast” is the default setting: fast food, fast lanes, fast Wi-Fi, it’s easy to feel like we’re always rushing. Have you ever found yourself impatient in the “wrong” line at the store, agitated by the buffering wheel, or frustrated that someone isn’t replying fast enough? It’s almost as if our value is tied to how quickly we can move through life. But then, without warning, we hear ourselves say something like, “Where did the time go?” or “Life is just flying by.” Strange, right? We’re racing to get to the next thing…only to mourn how fast it’s all passing. This week, we’re hitting the brakes because maybe it’s not just about productivity. Maybe there’s something hidden in the quiet. A secret in the stillness. A truth that’s hard to hear when everything is moving too fast. We’ll dig into what it means to find the middle lane, not stuck, not speeding, but moving with intention. Together, we’ll ask: What am I missing when I never slow down? What could rest reveal if I actually gave myself permission to pause? And if rest feels like a luxury you can’t afford or a guilty pleasure you never let yourself enjoy, then this is the episode for you. Ready to shift gears? What does rest feel like to me? Does it feel luxurious? Lazy? Guilt-ridden? Productive? Unfamiliar? Now, here’s a trickier one: When was the last time I paused, on purpose, not because I was forced to, but because I chose to? CHALLENGE: Press pause—on purpose. Not because you’re burned out or forced to stop, but because you choose to check in with yourself. Create space this week for a moment of stillness. Let it be awkward, quiet, or unfamiliar if it needs to be. Then listen. Not to the world’s demands—but to your own voice, your own rhythm, your own needs. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re learning when to listen, when to help, and when to just let it breathe. Have you ever found yourself halfway through someone’s story and already mentally rolling out the action plan? They’re still explaining how overwhelmed they feel, and you’ve already drafted three possible solutions, ranked by efficiency. Guilty? Me too. If you’re a natural-born fixer, hearing a problem can feel like a challenge to solve — like someone just lobbed a ball your way and you’re already mid-pitch with a winning strategy. But here’s the thing: not everyone wants a playbook. Sometimes, they just want a bench to sit on, a shoulder to lean on, and someone to nod and say, “That sounds really tough.” So how do you know when to jump in and brainstorm, and when to just… be present? When do you absorb like a sounding board, bounce back ideas like a springboard, or wind up like a pitcher ready to throw? And how do we know if we’re solving the real issue or just rearranging the symptoms? This week, we’re exploring what it really means to support someone in their moment of need. Let’s pull back the lens and see if we can’t shrink this idea into focus. Maybe the key isn’t always to act, but to understand. Maybe the most powerful support we can offer doesn’t come from solving, but from seeing. CHALLENGE: When someone shares something heavy or hard with you, resist the reflex to fix it. Instead, pause and ask: “Do you want ideas, or do you just need me to listen?” Give space. Offer presence. Trust that just being there might be exactly what they need. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re exploring something that has always been at the heart of Encouragementology: the simple, powerful, and essential need for connection. Not surface-level chatter or algorithmic affirmations, but real, human-to-human interaction. The kind that looks you in the eye, senses your mood, leans in when you’re struggling, and celebrates when you’re rising. Have you ever found yourself surrounded by communication but still feeling completely alone? Maybe your phone lights up all day with notifications, you scroll past hundreds of smiling faces and inspirational quotes, and yet… you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful, face-to-face conversation. Or maybe you’ve poured your heart out to your AI assistant lately, been met with warm, empathetic responses, and then struggled to hold eye contact with a real person at the grocery store. If by then… we’re still going into grocery stores. Let me be honest. Encouragementology didn’t start because I had a collection of clever phrases I thought belonged on coffee mugs or T-shirts. It started because I deeply, truly believe people need people. Encouragement isn’t just a mindset; it’s a shared experience. I’ve led Women Connect, a support group for women helping women find direction. I continue to run Senior Connect, where we create space to combat senior isolation. Because despite all the tools and tech at our fingertips, the greatest impact still happens across the table, not across a screen. We’re in a time when AI can be more than a tool; it can be a companion. And that’s both exciting and… something worth pausing to think about. When your virtual assistant knows your preferences, mirrors your emotions, supports your every dream…but your real-life partner barely listens, what’s that doing to your sense of connection? When the digital feels safer than the physical, how do we stay human? Today, we’ll unpack those questions. Not to scare you away from tech or shame you for turning to tools that help, but to remind you of something essential: we were built for connection. Not just convenience. So let’s talk about it. CHALLENGE: Step outside the comfort of curated connection this week and make a move toward real, human interaction. Send a message, make a call, show up in person; whatever it looks like, let it be intentional. I Know YOU Can Do It! 🎶 Music that Moves the Message All original music featured in this episode—including the Encouragementology intro, outro, and interludes—was written and performed by Matt Martino. His work brings warmth and emotion to every episode. Find more of Matt’s music here: MATT MARTINOSpotifyiTunesYoutube

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On this show… we’re facing that uncomfortable yet familiar middle stretch. Have you ever looked around and thought, “How did I get here? Am I doing enough? Is it too late to change direction, or too soon to stop trying?” That moment where the rearview is full of decisions, detours, and dashed hopes, while the road ahead seems just out of focus?

I want to tell you about a song that’s been living rent-free in my heart—and it just happens to be my husband’s new single, “The Horizon.” It’s been 15 years in the making, and 10 years ago when we first met, he sang me a few lines that stopped me in my tracks. The one that’s haunted me (in the best way)goes:

“It’s too soon to be so tired, and too late to start over, nothing but distance over my shoulder, with many miles to go.”

Whew. Can you feel that? This show isn’t just about music. It’s about you—me—us—sitting right here in the middle of the journey, wondering what to do next.

Maybe you’ve had seasons like that. You’re not brand new anymore. No longer wide-eyed and fresh out of the gate. But you’re also not ready to hang it up and ride into the sunset. Instead, you find yourself in that emotional middle lane: checking your mirrors, gripping the wheel, trying to make sense of the scenery. It’s that space where confidence and confusion coexist. You’ve come far, but where exactly are you going? And more importantly… who are you becoming along the way?

So let’s sit in the middle for a moment; not rush through it, not try to escape it. Just… sit.

This space, the emotional middle, isn’t a crisis, even if it feels like one. It’s that quiet stretch of road where the urgency of the starting line has faded, and the excitement of the finish line feels too far off to motivate. You’ve accomplished some things, survived others, made decisions you’re proud of, and a few you wish you could undo. And now? You’re in that foggy space where you’re asking, “Is this where I thought I’d be?” or maybe even “Is this all there is?”

THE HORIZON - by Matt Martino

CHALLENGE: Stop seeing the middle as a sign you’re lost—and start seeing it as proof you’re still in it, still growing, still becoming. Take stock of how far you’ve come, let go of what no longer serves you, and choose this moment to recommit to the road ahead. There are still miles to go, and that’s a gift.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re talking about the idea of choosing your hard. Have you ever felt like life just keeps piling on the challenges, like no matter what direction you take, it’s tough? Marriage is hard, but so is divorce. Being in debt is hard, but so is being financially disciplined. Communication is hard, but so is staying silent. The truth is, there’s no easy route. But what if instead of feeling like life is happening to us, we recognized that we get to choose which hard we live with?

It’s tempting to believe that we’ve been dealt a bad hand or that everyone else has it easier. When things get hard, we can get stuck; stuck in self-pity, stuck in resentment, stuck in the belief that we don’t have options. But here’s the reality: every hard comes with its own kind of growth. Being fit is hard, but so is carrying the weight of poor health. Working through conflict is hard, but so is living with unresolved tension. When we stop waiting for life to be easy and start owning the hard we choose, we take back our power.

I once had someone in a support group tell me, “You can’t just choose to be happy. It doesn’t work that way.” And I get what she meant, it isn’t instant. But I believe happiness is a choice, because when you decide to lean toward joy, you’re also deciding to turn away from sadness. It doesn’t mean your circumstances change overnight, but your posture does. And over time, those choices add up. That’s what we’ll explore today: how to shift your perspective, own your decisions, and recognize that while life will never be without struggle, you do have the power to choose which struggle you embrace.

When we say, “life is hard,” what do we really mean? Hard can look like stress, sacrifice, discipline, heartbreak, or persistence. Hard is waking up early to work out when you’d rather sleep in. Hard is having the difficult conversation instead of ignoring the problem. Hard is sitting with grief, or pushing through self-doubt, or choosing to budget when spending feels easier. Hard doesn’t mean impossible; it means uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or requiring effort.

The truth is, we don’t get to opt out of difficulty. Every path comes with its own version of hard. If you avoid exercise, you might face the hard of poor health. If you avoid saving, you might face the hard of financial instability. If you avoid conflict, you might face the hard of broken relationships. The meme that inspired this episode puts it plainly: marriage is hard, divorce is hard. Choose your hard. In other words, difficulty is part of the human experience; you just get to decide which type of difficulty leads you closer to the life you want.

What makes this powerful is recognizing that choice is always involved. Even when it doesn’t feel like it, you are making a choice, whether it’s by acting or by avoiding. Choosing your hard isn’t about pretending the struggle doesn’t exist. It’s about asking yourself: which hard moves me toward growth, peace, or joy, and which hard keeps me stuck? Once you see that you have agency, the focus shifts from “why is this happening to me?” to “which challenge am I willing to embrace for the sake of something better?”

Choose your HARD - (a short film for motivation)

CHALLENGE: Take a clear look at the “hard” you’re living with right now and ask yourself—did I choose this, or did I drift into it? Make one intentional choice this week to embrace the hard that moves you toward growth, even if it’s uncomfortable in the moment.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re talking about searching for fulfillment and discovering true satisfaction. Have you ever felt like you were on a constant quest for “the next thing”—a new job, a new relationship, a new milestone—believing that once you achieved it, you’d finally feel complete? It’s a familiar cycle: the anticipation, the accomplishment, and then the quiet realization that the longing is still there. What if the reason we keep searching isn’t because we’re broken, but because our hearts are tuned to look for something deeper than surface-level success?

We live in a world that applauds striving and achievement. “What’s next?” becomes the refrain, as though staying in motion ensures meaning. But that chase often leaves us restless. Sometimes it feels like chasing the horizon—you can see it, but the closer you get, the more it moves. In that gap between what we hoped to feel and what we actually feel, questions begin to bubble up: Why isn’t this enough? What am I really searching for?

That’s where things get interesting. Many people turn to psychology, self-help, and personal development for answers—and those tools can be incredibly valuable. But what if part of the search is overlooked? For some, fulfillment is found not just in doing more or having more, but in cultivating something bigger—a relationship, a connection, a sense of being supported by more than ourselves. Some call that spirituality, some call it faith, some simply call it purpose. Wherever you land, today we’re going to explore how satisfaction may come not only from what you achieve, but from who and what you invite into your search.

When we talk about fulfillment, satisfaction, and purpose, the words can sound interchangeable, but they carry different weights. Fulfillment is that deeper sense of wholeness, like your life has substance and meaning beyond the day-to-day. Satisfaction is more about contentment with your circumstances—feeling that what you have is enough, at least for the moment. And purpose is the guiding direction that pulls you forward, often tied to your values, your passions, and how you contribute to the world. Together, these elements form the framework most of us are chasing, whether consciously or not.

Psychologists often make a distinction between the search for meaning and the presence of meaning. The search is the active, restless phase—when you’re hungry for clarity, digging for something that explains or validates your existence. The presence of meaning is the experience of already having it—living in alignment with your values and feeling that your life matters. Interestingly, research shows that people who feel they are actively searching tend to report lower well-being than those who feel they already have meaning. That doesn’t mean the search is bad; it simply highlights the emotional toll of always chasing but never landing.

Now here’s where it gets tricky. Many of us stop at the surface—looking to career achievements, personal milestones, or material comforts as the ultimate answer. And while those things can absolutely add joy and motivation, they rarely deliver lasting satisfaction on their own. What often goes overlooked is the spiritual dimension: the idea that fulfillment is tied to something bigger than ourselves. For some, that “something bigger” is community, legacy, or contribution. For others, it’s a relationship with God. Too often, spirituality is dismissed as something you have to give up your worldly joys to experience, when in reality, it can be the piece that helps everything else fall into place.

Seven Ways to Bring More Meaning to Your Life.

Chasing a Richer, Fuller Level of Happiness.

CHALLENGE: Pause your constant search long enough to ask yourself what you’re really longing for—beyond the next milestone or accomplishment. Take one small step this week, whether that’s aligning with your values, connecting with someone who matters, or even opening the door to a conversation with God, to move from restless striving toward true satisfaction.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show, we are letting go of our old ways of thinking to learn why silence, perspective, and always needing the last word may be holding us back.

Have you ever caught yourself clinging to a belief simply because it feels like yours to protect, even when it no longer fits the moment or serves the relationship? Or felt compelled to say one more thing, just to make sure you’re understood, validated, or seen as right, only to walk away feeling a little more frustrated than fulfilled?

We’re taking a closer look at the roots of our thinking: where they came from, how they became so automatic, and why they can be so hard to release. We’ll explore the underestimated power of silence, the gift of stepping back, and the clarity that can come from listening to the B-side of your beliefs. That’s the perspective we often ignore, but it just might set us free. This episode is your chance to pause, reflect, and make room for something new.

Before we can begin letting go of our old ways of thinking, we have to understand what those “old ways” really are and why they’re so sticky. This segment sets the foundation by exploring four core ideas that will guide the rest of our conversation: inherited thinking, the compulsion to be right, the power of silence, and the value of perspective.

1. Old Ways of Thinking: Where Did They Come From?We don’t just wake up one day with a fixed mindset. Most of our beliefs, assumptions, and mental habits were inherited. We picked them up from family, culture, community, trauma, school, media, or lived experience. Some were explicitly taught, like “Don’t speak unless spoken to.” Others were absorbed through repetition or modeled behavior. Over time, these ideas become so ingrained that we stop questioning them. They feel safe and familiar, but that doesn’t mean they’re serving us.

2. The Need to Be Right and Have the Last WordLet’s face it. Most of us have been in a conversation where we had to make our point, clarify our stance, or get the last word in. That compulsion often comes from fear: fear of being misunderstood, fear of looking weak, or fear of losing control. In some cases, it’s ego. In others, it’s a form of protection, often shaped by past moments when staying quiet came at a cost. But constantly defending our viewpoint keeps us stuck. It makes learning and connection harder and turns dialogue into debate.

3. The Power of SilenceSilence gets a bad reputation. We rush to fill quiet moments in conversation, viewing them as awkward or uncomfortable, or assuming they mean something is wrong. But silence can be a powerful tool. It gives us time to process, to listen fully, to think instead of react. Silence invites reflection. It creates space for others. And sometimes, saying nothing speaks volumes. In a world of noise, silence can be the most honest response.

4. Perspective: The B-Side of the StoryImagine your beliefs as a 45-record. The A-side is your familiar story. It’s what you’ve always believed to be true. It’s catchy, comfortable, and easy to play. But flip it over, and there’s a B-side—a quieter, less popular track that offers a different rhythm. Perspective means seeing beyond the obvious and stepping outside your default view. It’s not about abandoning your truth but creating space for more than one version of reality. When we only ever play the A-side, we miss the deeper track that might change everything.

How to Let Go of Being Right

Black & White Thinking in Relationships: Examples, Impacts, & Solutions

Make An Impact - Inspirational Video

CHALLENGE: Notice when old thinking shows up and instead of reacting, pause long enough to ask yourself, “Is there another side to this?” Be willing to release the need to be right and choose growth, peace, and presence instead.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show… we’re exploring the power of encouragement by diving into the beautiful ripple effect that starts when you decide to show up for someone else—with nothing more than your time, your compassion, and your belief in them. Have you ever offered someone a kind word or a listening ear, only to walk away feeling you were the one who had been lifted? That’s not coincidence. It’s connection. It’s one of life’s quiet miracles that when you encourage someone else, you get a little more wind under your own wings.

This idea wasn’t always obvious to me. When I started wanting to give back in 2017, I thought I needed to bring tangible tools: resumes, professional clothing, and interview tips. This was experience I had that might help someone else over a hump or through a challenging time. And while all of that mattered, it was the heartfelt encouragement—the “I see you, I believe in you, and you’re not alone”—that changed everything. That realization gave birth to Encouragementology not just as a podcast, but as a practice. This episode is about helping you uncover that same power in yourself and showing you how encouragement can become your own passionate form of outreach.

Let’s start by unpacking this idea of encouragement. We toss that word around like it’s self-explanatory: “She’s so encouraging,” or “Thanks for the encouragement.” But what are we really saying? And more importantly, what power are we underestimating in those moments?

Encouragement is more than a compliment. It’s the act of instilling courage—literally. The word comes from the French encoragier, meaning to make strong, to hearten. You’re not just offering kind words; you’re helping someone find the strength to keep going, to believe again, to try one more time. That’s no small thing. That’s soul-level support.

Encouragement differs from praise. Praise says, “You did a great job.” Encouragement says, “I see your effort, your struggle, your potential, and I believe in you regardless of the outcome.” It’s not dependent on results. It’s about presence. It’s about being with someone in the messy middle and whispering, “You’re not alone.”

It’s also different from advice. Advice assumes there’s a solution and you’ve got it. Encouragement? It assumes the solution lies within them. They might just need a little help digging it out. Encouragement is humble like that. It walks with, not ahead.

And here’s the best part: encouragement is one of those rare gifts that benefits the giver just as much as the receiver. Studies show that when you support someone emotionally—whether through a listening ear, a heartfelt note, or a genuine “you’ve got this”—your own stress goes down. Your sense of connection goes up. Your purpose and joy? Yeah, those increase too. Who knew generosity could be such good self-care?

Encouragement is also an equalizer. You don’t need fancy credentials, a six-figure salary, or the “right words.” All you need is the willingness to show up with compassion and belief. Encouragement turns everyday people into quiet heroes. And the more intentional we are about practicing it, the more transformational it becomes—not just for others, but for us, too.

So when we talk about encouragement today, we’re not talking about a feel-good extra. We’re talking about a powerful, underutilized tool for healing, connection, and real change.

100 Words of Encouragement for Any Situation

Employee Retention Depends on Getting Recognition Right

The Pencil's Tale - a story that everyone should hear

CHALLENGE: Become a source of encouragement this week—through your words, your presence, or your quiet belief in someone who needs it. Let your intentional kindness be the spark that reminds them (and you) that even the smallest gesture can create lasting impact.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show… I’m inviting you to step out of your résumé and into your real self as we redefine your story because it’s about who you are, not just what you’ve done. In a world obsessed with titles and accomplishments, we’re exploring the depth of identity that extends far beyond a job title. Let’s peel back the layers, laugh at our own career clichés, and reclaim the core traits that make us resilient, creative, and deeply human.

We’ll explore how your strengths, values, and patterns, not your latest promotion, are the real engines of your career and your purpose. I’ll walk you through simple, fun, yet soul-stirring exercises that coax out the traits you might’ve tucked away. Ready for a journey back to you?

Let’s start with a bold idea: You are not your job. Now, before your inner overachiever starts to panic, this doesn’t mean your work isn’t important. It simply means it’s not all of who you are. And yet, so many of us introduce ourselves by title and task: “I’m a project manager,” “I work in healthcare,” “I run operations.” We rarely say, “I’m a creative problem solver,” “a compassionate truth-teller,” or “someone who finds peace in helping others thrive.” But that’s who we really are.

Our culture tends to equate identity with productivity. From the time we’re kids, we’re asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” not “Who are you becoming?” That question plants the seed that our value lies in output, not in essence. But identity is far richer. It includes your values, your patterns, the way you naturally show up for people, and how you interpret the world around you. What energizes you? What makes you feel alive? These are the clues that point to your core identity, whether you’re in the boardroom, the classroom, or between jobs.

Let’s go deeper: psychologists call this “narrative identity.” It’s the internal story we tell ourselves about who we are and why we matter. And here’s the kicker: it’s not just based on our accomplishments. It’s shaped by the meaning we assign to those moments. Did you show courage in a difficult season? Did you pivot when things fell apart? Those aren’t just résumé gaps or achievements; they’re identity anchors.

If you’ve ever had a job loss, career shift, or even retirement, you may have felt the sudden “Who am I now?” freefall. That’s what happens when our identity is overly fused with our role. But what if instead, we zoomed out and saw our careers as just one expression of who we are, not the whole story? That’s what this episode is about. Helping you get reacquainted with yourself, not your skill set.

Stop Making Work Your Identity

How to Find Passion Outside of the Workplace

How to Rediscover Yourself After a Major Change

CHALLENGE: Stop leading with what you’ve done and start rediscovering who you truly are. Reconnect with the traits, values, and passions that make you you—and let those shine in everything you do.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re exploring how you can do hard things, build resilience & beat procrastination! We’re diving into that moment when your brain whispers, “nah, let’s just wait, doing hard stuff is hard.” And you know what? That’s totally okay. Procrastination isn’t about laziness, it’s your body’s way of dodging discomfort. We’ll explore how resilience isn’t about superhero strength, it’s about learning to lean into the challenge, even when you’d rather binge‑watch from your comfort zone.

Life tosses curveballs; overwhelm, fear of failing, perfectionism, or just sheer dread of starting. But guess what? Even taking the tiniest step counts as a win. I’ll walk you through what’s really going on in your brain, then we’ll share a laugh (or two) as we explore strategies that empower, not overwhelm. Stick around; by the end, procrastination might just feel a little more conquerable and maybe even a bit fun.

Let’s start by getting on the same page. We’re tossing around two big, emotionally loaded words today, resilience and procrastination and if you’re like most of us, they come with a mix of admiration, guilt, hope, and ugh. So before we dig in, let’s unpack what they really mean, no shame, no psych textbook, just real talk.

Resilience is often portrayed as superhero stuff, people running back into burning buildings, climbing mountains with one leg, bouncing back from personal tragedy like it was just a flat tire. But in everyday life, resilience looks more like showing up to a meeting you’re dreading, trying again after failing, or getting out of bed when everything in your body says “no thanks.” It’s not about being immune to struggle, it’s about finding a way through it. Resilience is messy, imperfect, and deeply human. It’s the part of you that whispers “try again” when the louder voice says “just quit.”

On the other hand, procrastination is often misjudged as laziness or a lack of discipline. But spoiler alert: it’s not. Procrastination is actually a form of emotional self-protection. It’s your brain saying, “That task looks uncomfortable. Let’s go organize the fridge instead.” You delay not because you don’t care, but because something about that task, fear of failure, fear of success, overwhelm, boredom, feels threatening or unpleasant. So you put it off… and then beat yourself up for putting it off. Sound familiar?

Why We Procrastinate: The Psychology of Putting Things Off

Can Self-Compassion Overcome Procrastination?

The ONLY Way To Stop Procrastinating | Mel Robbins

CHALLENGE: Stop waiting for the perfect moment and start with the next one—messy, unmotivated, and unsure if you’re ready. Because forward is forward, and five imperfect minutes of action beats one more day of overthinking.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re tuning into something deeper than ambition, goals, or even success—we’re exploring purpose. But not the kind that fits neatly on a resume or hangs on a nameplate. Purpose Isn’t a Title—It’s a Tuning Fork. It’s not about what you do, but how in tune you are with who you are—and how that tone carries into the world around you.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” That idea turns the pressure of finding purpose into a journey of alignment. Instead of chasing something “out there,” we’re inviting you to listen inward. Today, we’ll explore how purpose can show up in unexpected places, how to recognize it when it does, and how to nurture and share it—whether or not it ever comes with a title.

When we talk about purpose, what exactly are we referring to? For many, the word conjures images of big missions, clearly defined callings, or lofty life goals. It might feel tied to a job, a talent, or a cause. But at its core, purpose is deeper and more personal. It’s not what you do—it’s why you do it.

Purpose is your internal compass. It’s the sense of meaning that guides your decisions, energizes your actions, and helps you feel aligned with something greater than yourself. Unlike goals, which are concrete and achievable, purpose is ongoing. You don’t check it off a list. You live it.

Let’s be clear: Purpose isn’t a title. It’s not tied to your position at work, your parenting status, your volunteer role, or your business card. It’s the intention behind how you show up in the world. A janitor with pride in their work, a friend who always makes time to listen, or a teacher who nurtures curiosity—each of these people is living with purpose, whether or not it’s ever labeled as such.

It’s easy to confuse what we do with why we’re here. Society tends to reward titles, accolades, and clear career paths. But when those things shift—due to job changes, retirement, empty nests, or life transitions—we can feel unmoored. That’s why understanding purpose as a through-line in your life, rather than a single role or achievement, is essential.

Purpose can evolve. It may look different at age 25 than it does at 65, but that doesn’t make it any less valid. It’s a thread that can weave through different jobs, seasons, and passions, always bringing you back to your core values and gifts.

So as we explore this topic, remember this: purpose isn’t out there waiting to be discovered—it’s already within you, waiting to be tuned into.

Why Purpose Doesn’t Have to Be All or Nothing

How to Find Meaning in Uncertain Times

Carl Jung - How to Find Your Purpose

CHALLENGE: Take a moment to pause and ask yourself—not what you do, but why you do it. What lights you up, feels meaningful, or makes you feel useful to others? Purpose isn’t something you find fully formed—it’s something you uncover, nurture, and grow over time.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show… we’re leaning into the uncomfortable yet universal feeling of disappointment and uncovering how to rebuild trust with yourself after life doesn’t go as planned. It’s that gut-punch moment when expectations crash into reality, leaving behind a mess of frustration, doubt, and “now what?” You might feel like you’ve been knocked off course, your momentum stalled, and your confidence shaken. But what if, instead of seeing disappointment as a dead end, you viewed it as a detour—a nudge toward something you might have missed if things had gone “perfectly” the first time?

We’ll explore how disappointment can chip away at resilience, but also how it can be the very thing that reshapes your perspective and opens doors you didn’t even know were there. Together, we’ll dig into practical strategies for climbing out of a rut, finding the hidden positives, and learning to cope in ways that strengthen—rather than sabotage—your self-trust. Because while we can’t control every twist and turn, we can choose how we show up when the road suddenly changes.

Let’s be honest—disappointment isn’t just a fleeting feeling. It’s layered. Sometimes it’s about the situation itself, and other times, it’s about what it represents: a loss of control, a missed opportunity, or the crumbling of a picture you’ve been carrying in your mind for days, months, or even years. It’s not just “I didn’t get the job” or “this relationship ended”—it’s the sting of all the energy, hope, and vulnerability you invested.

And here’s where disappointment gets tricky—it can quickly erode trust in yourself. You might start questioning your judgment: “Why didn’t I see this coming?” Or second-guess your abilities: “Maybe I’m not as capable as I thought.” That self-doubt plants seeds that, if left unchecked, can slow your momentum and keep you from taking the next step forward.

The ripple effects don’t stop there. Disappointment, if not processed, can seep into unrelated parts of your life—making you less willing to take risks, more guarded in relationships, or overly cautious in your goals. This is your brain’s way of trying to protect you, but overprotection can be just as limiting as recklessness.

What’s important to remember is this: disappointment is a sign you cared. You invested yourself, your time, and your hope in something that mattered to you. That’s not weakness—that’s bravery. The key is learning how to move through that sting without letting it define you or keep you stuck.

Bouncing Back From Disappointment

Life Got You Down? Experts Suggest ‘Lemonading’

Disappointment Motivates Me | Motivated +

CHALLENGE: Look at disappointment not as a roadblock, but as a recalibration. Ask yourself what this experience is teaching you and how you can use it to strengthen your trust in yourself. Every setback can hold a seed for growth—if you’re willing to plant it.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re exploring the exhausting reality of modern communication and asking: how do we find peace in a world that won’t stop talking?

Every ping, ding, scroll, and swipe chips away at your attention. You’re bombarded with messages—from friends, strangers, brands, and bots. You’re constantly evaluating: Is this urgent? Is it true? Is it for me? Even before you form a thought, you’re nudged to like, reply, share, or shut down. And in the middle of all that noise, it’s easy to lose your own voice or, worse, your sense of peace.

So today, we’re diving into the noise. Not just the noise around you—but the noise within. We’ll explore how communication overload affects your emotional well-being, how to tell the difference between being informed and being overwhelmed, and how to create more calm, clarity, and connection in your life. Because unplugging doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the world—it might just mean you’re finally listening to yourself.

Let’s face it—communication today is no longer about one conversation at a time. It’s a swirling mess of texts, emails, social posts, push notifications, Slack messages, breaking news, and podcast alerts. We’re swimming in a digital sea of information and opinion, all clamoring for our attention. And while access has never been greater, clarity has never felt so out of reach.

Do you ever feel like you’re constantly reacting? Reacting to headlines, to tone, to perceived urgency? It’s as if we’ve all been trained to respond—immediately, decisively, and publicly. That demand for constant engagement doesn’t leave much room for thoughtful processing, and it definitely doesn’t leave space for rest.

And what about accuracy? Today, you can’t take anything at face value. A single quote can be taken out of context and spark outrage. A misleading headline can travel faster than the truth. You’re expected to know what’s happening in the world, take a stand, and keep up—while somehow staying balanced and well-informed. It’s exhausting.

But this isn’t just about the news cycle or technology. It’s about the toll it takes on your nervous system. When you’re constantly on high alert—evaluating what’s real, what’s urgent, and what’s emotionally loaded—it’s no wonder you’re tired. This level of overstimulation leads to burnout, anxiety, and even feelings of helplessness.

4 Ways Information Overload Impacts Our Mental Health and How to Cope

Face-To-Face Communication: Healthier Than Digital?

Why Social Connections Matter to Your Health

CHALLENGE: Step back from the noise this week and take inventory. What sources of information, opinions, or stimulation are truly serving your well-being—and which ones are just draining your energy? Creating peace starts with protecting your attention.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show, we’re diving into a tough but necessary question: What happens when you’re tired of hurting—but not quite ready to heal? Healing isn’t just a switch you flip or a checklist you complete—it’s a layered, deeply personal journey that unfolds in its own time.

Maybe you’ve reached that point where the pain is exhausting, but the idea of letting go feels…terrifying. Sometimes, we hold on because the hurt is familiar—our pain becomes part of our identity, even a security blanket. We might say we want to feel better, but are we really ready to release what’s been weighing us down?

Today, we’ll gently unpack what healing looks like when you’re still in that in-between space—where you’re seeking relief, but afraid of what life might look like on the other side of your wounds. We’ll explore all-or-nothing thinking, the comfort of emotional residue, and how to honor your readiness without rushing your process. There’s no timeline for healing—but there is space to begin.

How do you know if you’re ready to heal—or if you just want to stop feeling this way? That’s a tough distinction to make, especially when you’re emotionally worn down. On the surface, it may look like you’re seeking peace, closure, or progress, but underneath that desire could be a quiet resistance to what healing actually demands: honesty, vulnerability, surrender.

Healing isn’t just the absence of pain—it’s the presence of new patterns. And that takes work. When you’re stuck in the space between hurting and healing, you may find yourself grasping at distractions or temporary relief. You might tell yourself you’re okay, or minimize your experiences because moving forward feels too big, too messy, or too permanent

How to Let Go of Past Trauma

What Does ‘Healing Isn’t Linear’ Mean?

Just Let Go - Alan Watts

CHALLENGE: Take an honest look at what’s holding you back. Are you clinging to pain as protection, or are you truly ready to heal? Healing doesn’t happen all at once, but a single step in the right direction can begin the shift. Let go of what no longer serves you.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re talking about how to stop rushing toward “what’s next” and start enjoying the ride. Have you ever caught yourself racing through life, so focused on the finish line that you barely notice the scenery around you? It’s easy to fall into a pattern of “when I get there, then I’ll be happy,” only to find that there keeps moving further away. Whether it’s the next promotion, the next milestone, or just the next weekend, we’re often living for the future—and missing the now.

In this episode, we’ll explore what it means to slow down and actually enjoy the journey. We’ll talk about how to balance ambition with presence, how to check in with yourself along the way, and how to set future goals that honor where you are today. The road may be long, but it’s filled with meaning—if only we’ll pause to take it all in.

Why are we always in such a hurry to “get there”? Wherever there may be—financial security, a relationship milestone, a certain job title—we often place so much pressure on the end goal that we forget to live on the way to it. It’s like being on a beautiful scenic drive, but instead of taking in the views, you’re glued to the GPS. Focused. Determined. Unavailable.

This urgency often stems from our culture’s obsession with productivity and achievement. From a young age, we’re taught to aim high, set goals, and never stop climbing. And while ambition can be a healthy motivator, it can also become a thief—stealing joy from our present moments and creating anxiety about a future we can’t fully control.

Have you ever reached a long-awaited milestone only to feel let down afterward? Like the buildup was more thrilling than the arrival? That’s a sign you might be living for the next thing instead of enjoying the current one. When we’re constantly chasing what’s ahead, we miss opportunities for connection, reflection, and simple joy that exist right now.

The truth is, the destination is only part of the journey. And ironically, the real transformation happens along the way—in the delays, the detours, the conversations, and the quiet moments of self-discovery.

So let’s slow down for a second. What if you already are becoming who you’re meant to be? What if rushing is keeping you from noticing how far you’ve actually come?

There’s nothing wrong with wanting more. Goals give our lives direction, motivation, and meaning. But if we’re not careful, they can also become blinders—blocking out everything that isn’t the finish line.

Ambition says, “Keep going, you’re not there yet.”

Presence asks, “But aren’t you here now?”

Goals Are Not a Destination, They Are an Invitation

Mindfulness and Being Present in the Moment

For People Feeling Behind In Life

CHALLENGE: Take a breath and look around—what beauty, progress, or peace might you be missing in your race to the finish line? Give yourself permission to slow down and be fully present for the moments that are happening right now.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show… we’re exploring the balancing act between love, money, and the real pursuit of happiness. What happens when one area becomes the focus at the expense of the others? You might be building wealth but losing touch with your relationships, or maybe you’re all-in for love but silently stressed about your financial future. It’s easy to get off-kilter, especially when life demands you juggle multiple priorities at once.

The truth is, balance often becomes obvious only in hindsight. But what if you could spot the imbalance before it knocks you over? That’s exactly what we’re diving into today. We’ll explore the emotional, financial, and personal fulfillment areas of your life—and ask the hard questions about where your energy is going and what’s being left behind. We’ll even introduce a tool coaches use to help people evaluate where they are versus where they want to be. So whether you’re feeling stretched thin, stuck in a loop, or just curious if you’re truly chasing happiness—or just running on autopilot—this show is for you.

Let’s be honest—how many of us are secretly chasing that idea of “having it all”? The fulfilling relationship, the comfortable income, the deep sense of inner peace and purpose. Somewhere along the way, we were sold the dream that it’s not only possible—but expected. And if we don’t have it all together, we must be doing something wrong.

But what if the pressure to have it all is what’s keeping us stuck?

Start by thinking of your life like a three-legged stool: one leg for love and connection, one for financial security, and one for personal fulfillment or happiness. When any one of those legs is too short—or completely missing—the stool becomes unstable. You wobble. Maybe you fall. And chances are, you’ve blamed yourself for the imbalance instead of realizing that no one taught you how to build a strong stool in the first place.

5 Steps to Reset Your Work-Life Balance

Achieving Balance: Why You’ve Got it Wrong & How to Get it Right

There's more to life than being happy | Emily Esfahani Smith | TED

CHALLENGE: Take a closer look at where you’re investing your energy—love, money, happiness—and ask yourself what might be running low. A small shift in focus could be all it takes to restore some balance. You deserve a life that feels full, not just busy

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re asking: What if your setback isn’t the end of the road, but a setup for something greater? Too often, we treat failure like a stop sign—something to fear, avoid, or be ashamed of. But what if it’s actually a signpost pointing us toward a better path, one we couldn’t have seen without the detour? This week, we’re flipping the script on disappointment and getting curious about the hidden wisdom in rejection, reroutes, and redirections. Think about a time when something didn’t go your way—and now you’re secretly (or loudly) grateful. That job you didn’t get, the relationship that fizzled, the opportunity that slipped through your fingers…maybe that wasn’t a failure, but a filter. We’ll explore the difference between giving up and giving in, and how to know when you’re resisting growth or simply being rerouted to a better destination. Let’s dive in! We’ll start by unpacking a few key terms and ideas that will help frame the rest of our conversation. Setback – A setback is typically defined as an interruption in progress—a problem or delay that keeps you from moving forward as planned. It’s that moment when things don’t go according to script and you feel like you’ve hit a wall. Most of us interpret a setback as failure, rejection, or a signal to give up. But what if that interruption is really a signal to pause, recalibrate, or shift direction? Setup – When we say a “setup,” we’re talking about a reframing of perspective. Instead of viewing the problem as a block, we start to see it as a preparation—a moment meant to teach us, shape us, or even protect us from something we can’t yet see. A setup can feel frustrating in real time, but it’s often that pivot point we later recognize as essential. Giving Up vs. Giving In – These two sound similar but have very different meanings. Giving up means you stop trying—throw in the towel, close the book, walk away from the possibility. Giving in, however, is a more nuanced choice. It means you adjust. You yield to a new reality or modify the plan—not because you’re weak, but because you’re willing to grow. It’s not quitting the goal; it’s choosing a wiser way forward. Reframing Failure – This is where the mindset shift begins. Instead of labeling failure as the end, we see it as a necessary part of success. Many people we admire failed multiple times before finding their true direction. Reframing means we no longer fear failure—we learn from it. We use it. By grounding ourselves in these definitions, we give ourselves the freedom to move through life’s plot twists with a bit more grace—and maybe even a little optimism. The Importance of Letting Go of ControlThe Value of 'No'How to Deal with Disappointment CHALLENGE: Stop labeling your setbacks as stop signs and start seeing them as scenic detours—opportunities to learn, grow, and arrive even more prepared. Trade the urge to give up for the courage to give in—to adapt, realign, and continue your journey with wisdom and grace. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re talking about identity—what it means, where it comes from, and who gets to define it. Ever stop to wonder who you really are when the titles fall away? It’s a strange thing—how we cling to labels like “parent,” “manager,” “helper,” or even “hot mess,” as if they were our full name. Titles can help us navigate the world, but when we rely too heavily on them, they can box us in or even blur the truth of who we are underneath. We live in a world that loves a good label—it helps others understand us at a glance. But what happens when a role is stripped away, or worse, when we’re handed a title we never asked for? Maybe you’re the “strong one,” the “fixer,” the “people-pleaser,” or the one who “always knows what to do.” Do those titles empower you or exhaust you? Today, we’re peeling back the layers, giving ourselves permission to question, evolve, and maybe even rewrite the narrative of who we are—not based on what we do, but who we’re becoming. Let’s start by defining identity. At its core, identity is the way we define ourselves and the story we tell—both to ourselves and to the world—about who we are. It’s made up of our beliefs, values, personality, memories, and experiences. But just as much, it’s shaped by our roles, labels, and the expectations that come with them. Some parts of our identity we choose—our style, our goals, the things we’re passionate about. Some parts we inherit—like family roles, cultural values, or personality traits reinforced by others. And then there are pieces we don’t consciously claim at all—they’re just assigned to us over time. Maybe you’ve been labeled “the dependable one,” “the creative one,” or “the one who always has it together.” But who says you have to wear those labels forever? One of the biggest identity traps is confusing what we do with who we are. Our jobs, titles, and responsibilities often become our main identifiers. “I’m a teacher,” “I’m a mom,” “I’m a CEO.” While those roles are important, they’re only part of the picture. When we base our entire sense of self on a role, we run into trouble when that role changes—or disappears. Retirement, career shifts, empty nesting, or relationship changes can leave us feeling lost, like we’ve misplaced ourselves. Another layer? Social identity—how we are perceived by others and how we internalize that perception. Sometimes, we shape ourselves to meet expectations or avoid judgment. That means our identity isn’t always based on our truth, but on what feels acceptable or praised. This isn’t inherently bad—it’s human nature—but left unchecked, it can disconnect us from our authentic selves. So the big question becomes: Who are you, really? Beyond the titles, beyond the duties, beyond the outside validation—who is left? How Our Identity Changes Throughout Our LifeReflecting On and Evolving Identity at Any AgeDeveloping Your Self-Worth — Therapist Explains! CHALLENGE: Strip away the labels and listen for your own voice. Instead of defining yourself by what you do or who others say you are, start exploring who you really are—and who you’re becoming—without the titles. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show, we’re talking about what it really means to find your voice—without dragging along the guilt trip. Maybe you’ve been biting your tongue, nodding when you mean to shake your head, or saying “sure” when every fiber of your being is screaming “no!” Sound familiar? You’re not alone. So many of us, especially the people-pleasers and peacekeepers of the world, have been taught to smooth things over rather than speak up. But here’s the thing—your voice matters, and your truth deserves airtime. Now, I’m not talking about shouting from the rooftops or steamrolling over others. This isn’t about turning into someone you’re not. This is about tuning into your own inner frequency and having the confidence to let it come through—clearly, calmly, and guilt-free. Whether it’s saying no without a 10-minute apology, standing up for something you believe in, or simply expressing your opinion without second-guessing yourself, this episode is for you. Let’s explore the sticky stuff that keeps us quiet—and learn how to speak up with grace, confidence, and self-respect. Let’s start by defining the core ideas behind this episode—because “finding your voice” can mean different things depending on where you are in your personal journey. At its essence, finding your voice is about recognizing your thoughts, beliefs, and needs as valid—and having the courage to express them. It’s about being authentic, honest, and clear, without feeling like you need to water yourself down to make others comfortable. Now let’s talk about why we don’t. One big reason? People-pleasing. This behavior often stems from a fear of rejection or conflict. If you grew up in an environment where keeping the peace meant keeping quiet, then you might equate speaking up with being “too much” or “too selfish.” Over time, that internalized guilt becomes the bouncer at the door, turning away your opinions before they ever make it to the surface. And then there’s the Guilt Trip—that little voice in your head that says, “You should just let it go,” or “Don’t make this a big deal,” or “You’re probably overreacting anyway.” But that guilt isn’t always a moral compass; sometimes, it’s just conditioning. A signal that you’ve been taught to value harmony over honesty, even when honesty is exactly what’s needed. We also need to clarify the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Speaking your truth doesn’t mean shouting others down. Assertiveness is respectful communication—it’s saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and doing so in a way that doesn’t trample over someone else’s experience. That’s the sweet spot: clarity without cruelty, directness without drama. So, if you’ve ever struggled to say “no” without giving an entire TED Talk in justification, or if you’ve nodded through conversations where you disagreed silently, just know—this episode is here to help you build that muscle. You’re not wrong for having an opinion. You’re not bad for needing boundaries. And you’re certainly not selfish for speaking your truth. Stop the Guilt: 3 Ways to Take Back Your Power to Say NoWhen Guilt Keeps You From Setting Boundaries5-Minute Guided Meditation to Find Your Voice and Speak Your Truth CHALLENGE: Stop waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect words, or the perfect response—and just start speaking your truth. Not to please, not to appease, but to honor your own voice and values. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show… we’re exploring the sneaky ways we lose control—without even realizing we’ve handed it over. Have you ever found yourself doing something—again—and thinking, “Why do I keep doing this?” Maybe it’s late-night scrolling, that one more drink, the need to say “yes” when you’re screaming “no” inside. These patterns creep in, settle down, and before you know it, they’ve built a little nest in your life. We call them habits, but sometimes, they’re more than that. Sometimes they’re hangups, hurts, or full-blown addictions masquerading as routines. And here’s the kicker—they don’t just take up space; they slowly take the wheel. What if you’re not as in control as you thought? What if what you think is manageable is actually managing you?

Today, we’re going deeper—not to shame or scold, but to shine a gentle light. Because denial is tricky. It whispers that you’re fine, that it’s not affecting anyone else. But the truth is, what controls you, changes you. It touches your relationships, your work, your peace. And the hardest part? Admitting it. Facing yourself in the mirror and saying, “This isn’t working anymore.” But here’s the good news: awareness is the first, most powerful step toward freedom. So today, we’re cracking open the doors of truth with compassion, curiosity, and a roadmap to reclaiming your power.

Before we can take control back, we have to understand what we’re really dealing with. So let’s break it down.

Habit vs. Addiction

A habit is something we do regularly, often without thinking—like brushing your teeth or making coffee first thing in the morning. Habits can be helpful, neutral, or harmful. They’re built through repetition and reinforced by small rewards (hello, dopamine!). On the other hand, addiction takes things further. It’s compulsive. It’s often used to escape, numb, or gain relief. And it continues despite negative consequences. The line between habit and addiction can blur, especially when the habit becomes something we rely on emotionally or physically.

Denial and Self-Deception

Denial is a powerful defense mechanism. It protects us—from shame, fear, discomfort—but it also keeps us stuck. When we’re in denial, we minimize, rationalize, or outright ignore what’s happening. We say things like “It’s not that bad,” “I can stop anytime,” or “It’s not hurting anyone.” But these lies we tell ourselves can build a wall so thick that even when we’re suffering, we can’t admit we need help. The longer we stay there, the harder it is to see a way out.

The Grief of Letting Go

Yes, grief. Because even when we’re giving up something toxic, we’re still letting go of something familiar. This is where the Five Stages of Grief come into play:

1. Denial – “This isn’t a problem. I’ve got this under control.”
2. Anger – “Why do I even have to deal with this? It’s not fair.”
3. Bargaining – “If I only do it on weekends, that’s fine, right?”
4. Depression – “I feel helpless. I’m tired of trying and failing.”
5. Acceptance – “This is real, and I’m ready to do something about it.”

We grieve because we’re changing. We’re letting go of the version of ourselves we thought we needed—and that’s not easy. But it is powerful.

The Invisible Impact

Here’s the truth: you don’t live in a vacuum. Whatever is controlling you—whether it’s overworking, people-pleasing, numbing, or isolating—it doesn’t just affect you. It impacts your energy, your presence, your relationships, and your potential. The scary part? You might not even know the full extent until you start making a change.

Habit vs Addiction: Understanding the Difference

The 5 Stages of Grief and Addiction

REWIRE YOUR BRAIN - Neuroscientist Explains How To Control Your Mind in MINUTES!

CHALLENGE: Name what’s been silently calling the shots in your life—whether it’s a habit, a hurt, or a hang-up—and meet it with honesty instead of avoidance. Then, take one small step toward releasing its grip, reminding yourself that you are not powerless, you are in progress.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show… we’re giving ourselves permission to embrace progress—not perfection—as we unpack what it really means to be a work in progress. That nagging feeling that you’re somehow behind in life? Yeah, we’re going to challenge that head-on. Because maybe you’re not off track at all… maybe you’re right on time for your own becoming.

Have you ever looked around and thought, “Wait, am I the only one who doesn’t have this whole life thing figured out?” If so, you’re in good company. Today, we’re tossing out the illusion of perfection and replacing it with something more honest—grace. We’re rewriting the script that says we have to have it all together by now. Growth is rarely a straight line, and often looks like detours, backtracks, and a lot of figuring-it-out-as-we-go. And you know what? That’s progress too.

Let’s start with the pressure-packed elephant in the room: the idea that by a certain age, milestone, or calendar year, you should have it all figured out. You know—career locked in, relationships thriving, finances flawless, personal growth tied up with a vision board and a bow. But here’s the thing: that timeline? It’s mostly made up. There is no one-size-fits-all path to life, and the myth of “being behind” is usually just a snapshot of comparison dressed up as truth.

At its core, being a work in progress means allowing yourself to exist in a state of growth—unfinished, evolving, and completely valid. It’s understanding that who you are today is not the final version of you, and that’s not a flaw… it’s the point. But we often confuse progress with perfection—as if our worth hinges on having reached some invisible finish line. The truth is, progress is messy. It’s filled with doubts, mistakes, detours, and sometimes a hard reset. But it’s also evidence that you’re showing up, learning, stretching, becoming.

Let’s define a few key terms that will guide this conversation:

• Progress: A forward or onward movement toward a destination—even if that movement includes baby steps, backslides, or breathers.
• Self-compassion: Treating yourself with kindness when you fall short, instead of defaulting to criticism.
• Reinvention: The courageous act of choosing again. New path. New dream. New you.
• Comparison trap: That sneaky voice whispering “you should be further along” based on someone else’s highlight reel.

It’s all about embracing grace. The grace to change. The grace to learn. The grace to say, “I’m not where I want to be…yet—but I’m still becoming.”

Progress Not Perfection Is a Reasonable Goal

Stop Comparing Yourself Negatively to Others

This is a Poem about Perfectionism by Ginelle Testa

The Problem With Perfect - Motivational Video

CHALLENGE: Trade perfection for progress and meet yourself with grace in the messy middle. Don’t wait until you feel “ready”—start now, with what you have, and who you are, because the journey only begins when you do.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are going to stick to reading the chapter we’re on by embracing the present in life’s ongoing story. Have you ever found yourself mentally rewriting chapters of your past or trying to peek ahead at pages you haven’t reached yet? It’s human nature to replay moments we wish had gone differently or to worry about what’s coming next. But while we’re busy editing old plotlines or predicting future twists, we miss out on the beauty and clarity of the chapter we’re actually in—the one unfolding right now. This week, we’re exploring what it means to truly read the chapter you’re on. No skipping ahead, no flipping back, just being present and fully engaged in this current moment of your life.

As seasons shift—both outside our windows and inside our souls—we’re faced with transitions that can stir anxiety, grief, anticipation, and hope. Maybe you’re watching loved ones age, adjusting to a new phase of your career, or coming to terms with blessings that also carry weighty responsibility. Today, we’re going to explore how to stay grounded in the now while honoring where you’ve been and where you’re going. So grab your favorite journal, take a deep breath, and let’s begin reading…right where you are.

Let’s start by defining what we mean when we say, “Read the chapter you’re on.” It’s more than a catchy metaphor—it’s a mindset. Just like reading a book, life unfolds one chapter at a time. But unlike a novel, we don’t get to flip ahead or rewrite the past. Yet many of us try. We revisit regrets, get stuck in nostalgia, or anxiously attempt to predict and plan for a future we haven’t reached. And when we do that, we lose our place in the present.

1. The Illusion of Control

We often try to manage uncertainty by overplanning or ruminating—believing that if we just think hard enough, we can control the outcome. Spoiler alert: we can’t. While planning and reflection have their place, they become distractions when they rob us of the ability to fully engage with what’s happening right in front of us. 2. The Power of Presence

Being present doesn’t mean ignoring your past or avoiding your future. It means recognizing that this moment—right now—is the only place where action and awareness can occur. This is the chapter where your growth is happening, your relationships are deepening, and your story is taking shape. 3. Life’s Seasonal Shifts

Just like nature, we experience seasons: beginnings, growth spurts, stagnation, harvests, and even endings. These aren’t just age-related; they’re emotional and spiritual seasons too. Recognizing the chapter you’re in allows you to meet it with curiosity instead of resistance. Are you in a chapter of learning? Rest? Rebuilding? Joy? When we know what season we’re in, we can better understand what’s being asked of us.

Living in the present is not about staying stuck—it’s about giving your full attention to where you are so you can move forward with clarity and intention. Once you identify the chapter you’re in, you can start to ask the important questions: What is this chapter trying to teach me? How can I grow here? What do I want to carry forward—or leave behind—when the page turns?

How Present-Moment Awareness Can Make Life More Meaningful

These 6 mindful ‘micro-practices’ can help you be calmer and happier, including 3 you can do at work

Surrendering to the Present Moment | Eckhart Tolle Teachings

CHALLENGE: Slow down and truly inhabit the moment you’re in. Stop flipping pages in your mind and instead, take a breath, read the chapter you’re living—savor the words, the lessons, and the blessings right here, right now.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are breaking free from the weight of old mistakes by unpinning ourselves from our past. Ever feel like no matter how much you grow, your past keeps showing up like an old playlist you didn’t ask to hear again? You’re finally moving forward—changing your habits, setting boundaries, maybe even feeling hope—but suddenly, wham, a memory, a regret, or a “what-if” slams into your progress like a closed door. I recently came across this line in a book that hit me right in the heart: “I was a butterfly pinned by my wings to the canvas of my mistakes.” That image has stuck with me. Because haven’t we all felt like that at some point—frozen, exposed, and unable to fly, not because we can’t, but because we’ve been too tightly tethered to the past?

In this episode, we’re digging into what happens when we stay stuck in past mistakes and how that mindset quietly shapes the way we see our future. We’ll explore how self-forgiveness isn’t just a feel-good idea—it’s a critical step in claiming your growth. We’ll talk about the emotional toll of living under an old narrative, how to begin rewriting it, and what it means to truly unpin yourself from your past. Ready to reclaim your wings? Let’s get into it.

Let’s start by talking about what it actually means to be “stuck in the past.” It’s more than just ruminating on old memories—it’s when your self-worth, decision-making, and ability to hope are shaped by events you can’t change. It might sound like: “I always mess things up,” or “I don’t deserve better because of what I’ve done,” or even “I’m not the kind of person who gets second chances.” That internal dialogue becomes a trap—one that feels like self-protection but slowly suffocates growth.

And the consequences? They’re sneaky. You avoid new relationships because of old heartbreaks. You turn down opportunities because you’re afraid of failing like you did before. You even stop dreaming because the you from the past already “decided” your limits. It’s like driving with the rearview mirror as your guide—and surprise, you’re missing what’s right in front of you. Being stuck in the past doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re human. But healing means learning to thank your past for the lesson… and then gently close the book.

How to Let Go of Past Hurts: 8 Ways to Move On

Twelve Steps to Self-Forgiveness

You’re not behind. You’re not broken. And you’re definitely not defined by your worst moment. Every time you choose to show up, speak kindly to yourself, and take a step forward—you’re rewriting the story. And this time, you’re holding the pen.

CHALLENGE: Stop seeing your past as a prison and start viewing it as a chapter—one that shaped you, but doesn’t get to write your ending. Today, choose to unpin yourself from the canvas of old mistakes and start creating something new, bold, and beautifully unfinished.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are detaching with love as we learn the importance of setting healthly boundaries, explore the many faces of codependency, and understand how to let go without giving up. Have you ever felt like someone else’s happiness—or healing—was somehow your responsibility? Like if they were struggling, it meant you had to jump in and fix it, smooth it over, or carry it for them? If that sounds familiar, you might be brushing up against something I’ve wrestled with myself: codependency. For me, learning to detach with love has been one of the hardest, most freeing lessons in my healing journey. It doesn’t come naturally—I’m still working on it every day—but it’s opened up a whole new way of understanding relationships and responsibility.

Detachment doesn’t mean indifference. It doesn’t mean cutting people off or shutting your heart down. It means having healthy boundaries that say, “I love you, and I also know that your growth is not mine to manage.” For those of us who think in black-and-white, all-or-nothing terms, detaching without guilt can feel impossible. But this work—this shift in mindset—isn’t just for people dealing with addiction or dramatic relationship breakdowns. It’s for anyone who finds themselves overfunctioning, over-apologizing, or constantly carrying the emotional weight of everyone else. Let’s talk about what it means to detach, not with judgment or resentment, but with love.

At its core, codependency is about losing yourself in someone else’s needs, emotions, or dysfunction. It’s an emotional tug-of-war where you believe, often unconsciously, that someone else’s stability or growth depends on your constant involvement. You might take on the role of fixer, peacekeeper, rescuer, or even mind-reader. And while your intentions are loving, the results can be exhausting, confusing, and deeply unfulfilling.

Now—detaching with love might sound like an emotional paradox. How do you care without carrying? How do you show up for someone without stepping over the line and taking over? Detachment isn’t coldness or emotional withdrawal. It’s the intentional act of allowing others to face the consequences of their own choices, while protecting your energy, boundaries, and sense of self in the process.

Detaching With Love Is Good for Everyone - Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW

Demystifying Co-dependency - S.M. Stray

CHALLENGE: Loosen your grip on what was never yours to carry, and instead, hold space—for your growth and theirs. Practice loving with open hands, not clenched fists, trusting that boundaries are not walls, but bridges to healthier relationships.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are exploring risk vs reward and the fear that keeps you stuck. If you’re someone who shies away from taking risks because you’re terrified of failure, I’m speaking to you today. We’re diving deep into the tension between risk and reward, why people stay stuck, and how you can break free from the cycle of fear. We’ll explore why fear holds us back, how to bounce back when things don’t go as planned, and most importantly—how to take calculated risks that can lead to growth, success, and a life that feels more aligned with your true potential.

In this episode, you’re going to learn about the courage to fail and why it’s one of the most powerful tools you can have in your personal and professional development. We’ll unpack the fears that keep us from stepping out of our comfort zones, why those fears don’t always match reality, and how embracing the unknown can actually lead to greater rewards than staying in the safety of what’s familiar. By the end of the episode, you’ll have some tangible ways to start taking those risks, handling failure with grace, and moving forward into the growth you deserve.

Let’s break this down. Risk is the possibility of losing something of value—whether it’s time, energy, money, or reputation. Reward is what you gain in return: success, growth, opportunity, and personal development. The key to moving forward is understanding that with risk comes reward, but it’s not always immediate, and it’s not always what you expect.

Why are we afraid to take risks? It all comes back to fear—fear of failing, fear of judgment, and fear of the unknown. But the reality is, failure is not the end. It’s a step in the process of learning, growth, and progress.

Taking risks is a natural part of growth. Every successful person has faced failure, rejection, and even the sting of loss. The difference between those who succeed and those who stay stagnant is the ability to push past those fears and keep moving forward. It’s about embracing the discomfort and trusting that the reward will be worth the risk.

Shonda Moralis asks is Fear of Failure Holding You Back?

Emily Boynton enlightens us with Why Taking Risks Helps You Grow — and How to Do It

Is Failure Necessary? | Simon Sinek

CHALLENGE: This week, take one risk that’s been scaring you, even if it’s just a baby step. Whether it’s starting that side project, speaking up in that meeting, or taking a leap in your personal life—go for it! Take that step with the confidence that no matter the outcome, you are learning, growing, and moving forward.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are making a commitment to take our own medicine and practice what we preach to achieve authentic personal growth. Have you ever caught yourself dishing out great advice—maybe even life-changing advice—only to realize you’re not actually taking it yourself? You’re not alone. For me, this became very real when I paused and thought, Wait a minute… am I applying the very same healing and growth tools I’ve spent years teaching others? It’s easy to guide, encourage, and support someone else’s transformation—it feels great, even! But when it comes time to turn that spotlight inward, it can get a little… uncomfortable. Personal accountability doesn’t come with a script. There’s no applause when you do the hard inner work in private. Just you, your truth, and the mirror.

In this episode, we’re digging into the idea of “taking your own medicine.” It’s not about shame—it’s about alignment. About realizing that personal growth isn’t just something we facilitate for others—it’s something we owe ourselves too. If you’ve been operating on auto-pilot, pushing others to grow while neglecting your own healing, it’s time to come home to yourself. Let’s gently peel back the layers and explore how self-honesty, ownership, and a little humility can lead to some of the most powerful transformation yet.

Let’s start by unpacking this phrase—“take your own medicine.” It’s one of those sayings we toss around casually, but it carries some weight when you really sit with it. In its simplest form, it means applying the same advice, tools, and strategies to yourself that you so easily hand out to others. It’s about walking your talk. Practicing what you preach. But more than that—it’s about integrity.

When you give others guidance on healing, setting boundaries, processing pain, or embracing change, it usually comes from a place of experience or education. But if you’re not actually applying those practices to your own life, there’s a gap—a disconnect. And that disconnect can create feelings of inauthenticity, burnout, or even imposter syndrome. You might look like you have it all together on the outside, while inside, you’re quietly struggling with the same things you’re helping others overcome.

Taking your own medicine means making time for your own emotional maintenance. It means slowing down long enough to check in and ask: Am I living in alignment with what I believe? It doesn’t require perfection—it just asks for honesty and willingness. Because growth isn’t just about knowledge—it’s about embodiment.

Brian Ford - Why It’s Hard To Take Your Own Advice

Why Personal Responsibility Is Key to Changing Your Life - Daniel Mangena

Check Yourself - Accountability | Charlie Johnson | TEDxNormal

CHALLENGE: Stop waiting for clarity to strike from the outside and start holding yourself accountable from the inside. Take the advice you so freely give, turn it inward, and begin showing up for your own healing with the same grace and determination you offer others.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are going beyond the smile to understand that sometimes you have to grow through what you don’t want to feel. How often have you heard, “Just stay positive!” as a magic fix for life’s problems? It sounds good—and sometimes it is good—but what happens when positivity turns into a clever disguise for real, messy emotions? For a lot of us, especially those who are naturally peacekeepers or conflict-avoiders, it’s easier to slap on a smile, let things “roll off our back,” and move on… at least on the outside. But inside? Inside, we might be skipping important work—growth work—that only happens when we’re willing to sit with a little discomfort.

In this episode, we’re diving into the powerful ideas of Capacity Expert RaQuel Hopkins, who challenges the myth that you have to choose between being positive and being real. What if true growth isn’t about avoiding hard feelings—but about honoring them, learning from them, and letting them change us? If you, like me, have ever found yourself managing the appearance of being unbothered while quietly carrying unresolved emotions, you’re going to feel seen today. Let’s crack open this idea together and explore how feeling more can actually lead to living more.

Let’s start by breaking down this idea of emotional capacity. In simple terms, emotional capacity is your ability to experience, process, and integrate a wide range of emotions—both the pretty and the painful—without shutting down, lashing out, or checking out.

When we don’t stretch our emotional capacity, we end up stuck in a narrow lane of “acceptable” feelings: happy, fine, maybe a little stressed but functional. Anything outside that—anger, grief, sadness, disappointment—either gets stuffed down, rushed through, or paved over with “good vibes only” slogans. But the problem with skipping emotions isn’t just emotional. Over time, it limits our capacity for intimacy, resilience, creativity, and real personal growth.

RaQuel Hopkins teaches that growth comes from allowing yourself to fully experience friction, not rush past it. Friction isn’t failure; it’s feedback. And when you avoid it—when you smooth it over with positivity or pretend it doesn’t bother you—you’re not protecting your peace, you’re stunting your growth. Real capacity building happens when we practice being present with discomfort long enough to actually learn from it.

Doretta Bendalin offers the Truth: How Sweeping it Under the Rug Hurts You. Found at Medium

At Grouport I found more info on Understanding Emotional Avoidance: A Deep Dive

3 Toxic Mental Health Trends with RaQuel Hopkins, Capacity Expert

CHALLENGE: Stop sweeping discomfort under the rug and start seeing it as a doorway to your next level of growth. Instead of waiting for peace to find you, choose to meet your emotions where they are—and build the resilience to carry yourself forward with honesty and heart.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are recognizing that moods matter because our inner world dramatically shapes our outer experience. Have you ever waited on someone—or something—to change the energy in the room, cheer you up, or just make the day feel better? Maybe you’ve thought, “If they’d just smile,” or “If one good thing would happen, maybe I’d feel different.” We’ve all been there, hoping for a rescue from a funk we can’t quite shake. But what if we’ve been giving away way too much power? What if the secret to turning the day around isn’t out there somewhere, but already within us?

In this episode, we’re flipping the script. Instead of waiting for something to shift our mood, we’re exploring how our mood might actually be the thing shifting everything else. How we think, how we feel, how we choose to respond—it all ripples out and shapes what comes next. Could it be that we’re the thermostat, not the thermometer? That we’re not just reacting to the world but co-creating it in real time? Let’s dig into what this means, how to tell when our mindset is steering the ship (and when it’s stuck in a ditch), and how we can use this awareness to show up differently—even when the world around us stays the same.

Let’s kick things off with a truth that feels simple on the surface but hits a little deeper the more you sit with it: your mood shapes your experience more than your experience shapes your mood. We often think we’re reacting to what’s happening around us, but in reality, we’re often reacting to what’s happening within us—and that response colors the whole scene.

This idea leans into what psychologists call “emotional reasoning”—where we believe something is true based solely on how we feel. For example, if I feel overwhelmed, I assume the situation is chaotic. If I feel ignored, I assume people don’t care. But the kicker? The situation may not actually be that bad—it just feels that way because of the emotional lens I’m looking through. It’s like wearing sunglasses indoors and wondering why everything looks dim.

Our brains are wired to scan for threats, to make quick judgments, and to look for evidence that supports how we already feel. That’s called confirmation bias, and when we’re in a funk, our minds will happily hand us proof that the day is, in fact, garbage. But here’s the good news: once you realize this, you can interrupt the loop. You can change the glasses, so to speak. You can take back control of your mood and, with it, the way you engage with the world.

So rather than waiting for something outside of you to cheer you up or “fix” the day, what if you became your own emotional thermostat? Not to fake positivity or push feelings aside—but to gently shift how you interpret the moment, choose your response, and create a ripple effect from the inside out.

Dr. Beth Kurland gives us some insight on How to Shift Perspective When You're Stuck in Your Own Way, found a Psychology Today

Carole Fossey declares Whether You Believe You Can or Believe You Can’t, You Are Right found on LinkedIn

Dr. Tracey Marks on Why you’re an emotional sponge and 5 Tips for Better Boundaries

CHALLENGE: Take ownership of your mood today. Recognize that by adjusting your internal narrative, you have the power to transform not only your own experience but also the world around you. Enjoy this new found freedom.

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On this show… we are exploring the unspoken to learn how body language communicates what words can’t. Have you ever walked into a room and immediately felt something… off? No one said a word, but somehow, you just knew—you weren’t welcome at that table, or someone just had an argument in the kitchen. That’s the beauty (and sometimes the awkwardness) of body language. It speaks loud and clear—even when our mouths are saying, “I’m fine!”

In this episode, we’re digging into all those silent signals we send—whether we mean to or not. From the crossed arms that scream “I’m not open to feedback,” to the smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes… we’re decoding what’s really being said when nothing’s being said at all. Body language isn’t just a sideshow to the conversation—it is the conversation. And once you learn to read it (and manage your own), you’ll start to feel more connected, more confident, and—yes—even a little more in control of how you’re coming across.

Let’s take a closer look at the language we’ve all been speaking since before we said our first words. You might just be surprised what your body’s been saying behind your back.

I’ll start by stating the obvious… but also the often-overlooked: we’re talking all the time—even when we’re not saying a word. Whether it’s the way we cross our arms, how long we hold eye contact, or the way our faces betray us mid-sentence, body language is this constant, silent sidekick to our spoken communication. And more often than not, it’s doing the real talking.

Body language is made up of all the nonverbal cues we use to express ourselves—things like facial expressions, posture, gestures, eye movements, even how close we stand to someone. It’s a full-blown language… just without the dictionary. According to researchers, nonverbal communication can account for up to 70–90% of how our messages are received. Which means the tone of your voice and the look on your face might be saying more than your words ever could.

And here’s the kicker: while we’re often very aware of what we say, we’re not nearly as tuned in to what our bodies are saying. That can lead to all kinds of mixed messages—like smiling while delivering bad news (awkward), or nodding when you actually disagree. We don’t always realize what we’re broadcasting.

There are also cultural differences to consider. What feels like an innocent gesture in one country might be offensive in another. And what seems like eye contact to you might feel like a stare-down to someone else. So body language isn’t one-size-fits-all—but it is universal in the sense that we’re all doing it, all the time.

So, why does this matter? Because when we become more aware of our own nonverbal habits—and better at reading others’—we show up more authentically. We connect more deeply. We avoid unnecessary misunderstandings. And we walk away from interactions not just having talked, but having been heard and understood.

Wendy Rose Gould offers 7 Body Language Mistakes You Don't Know You're Making -Plus effective pro-tips on improving non-verbal communication.

Tom Morrison explains What Your Body Language Says About Your Leadership Impact

Let’s learn even more from the expert, Vanessa Van Edwards, as she describes Learn 7 Body Language Secrets

CHALLENGE: Become more conscious of your nonverbal cues and observe how they influence your interactions. By aligning your body language with your intentions, you can foster more genuine and impactful connections. Show up as you, fully you.

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On this show…we are embracing personal responsibility to shape our futures as we manifest our destiny. Have you ever paused to consider the role you play in crafting your own life story? It’s a compelling notion that the outcomes we experience—both triumphs and setbacks—are not merely products of chance, but reflections of our own intentions and actions. This perspective invites us to delve into the profound connection between our thoughts, behaviors, and the realities we encounter.

In this episode, we’re embarking on an enlightening journey to explore the concept that “that which we manifest is before us.” We’ll unravel how our conscious and unconscious choices shape our destinies, and how embracing personal responsibility can empower us to steer our lives toward fulfillment and purpose. This isn’t about casting shadows of blame, but about illuminating the paths of possibility that open up when we acknowledge our role as architects of our own fate.

Let’s kick things off by getting on the same page about what we’re really talking about when we say, “That which we manifest is before us.” Sounds poetic, maybe even mystical, right? But it’s actually a lot more practical—and empowering—than it might seem at first glance.

Manifestation is the idea that the thoughts we think, the intentions we set, and the beliefs we hold have a powerful influence over the reality we experience. It’s not just about wishing for something and hoping it appears out of thin air—it’s about recognizing the role our mindset, choices, and focus play in shaping our path. It’s like planting seeds in a garden: the quality of your thoughts determines what grows, and your effort is what brings it to life.

Now let’s pair that with personal responsibility—the idea that we are not just passive observers of our lives, but active participants. This doesn’t mean blaming ourselves for every hiccup or hardship. Life happens, and some things are out of our control. But when we step back and really look at our habits, our self-talk, our patterns—what we believe about what we’re capable of—we often find that we’ve played a bigger role in our outcomes than we realized.

Here’s where it gets really interesting: we’re always manifesting—whether we know it or not. Through action or inaction. Through clarity or confusion. If you’ve ever said, “I knew this was going to happen,” good or bad, chances are… that thought planted a seed. And when we’re not clear about what we want, or when we let fear and limiting beliefs steer the wheel, we can manifest outcomes that don’t serve us—outcomes that feel like they just “happened” to us, when really, we helped create the conditions.

So no, this isn’t about magical thinking—it’s about mindful thinking. It’s about checking in with yourself and asking, “What am I putting out into the world through my energy, choices, and beliefs?” Because more often than not, that’s exactly what shows up in front of you.

Dr. Tchiki Davis on “What Is Manifestation? Science-Based Ways to Manifest” from Psychology Today.

Alright, let’s break this down—manifestation in a nutshell.

First, manifestation isn’t magic. It’s not about wishing really hard and waiting for the universe to deliver your dream on a silver platter. Instead, it’s about aligning your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to move toward the life you want.

Second, your mindset matters—a lot. What you believe about yourself and your future can shape your motivation, your resilience, and even how you interpret setbacks. A strong, focused mindset helps you stay committed and open to opportunity.

Third, action is key. You can visualize the perfect job, the dream relationship, or the peaceful life—but unless you’re taking consistent steps in that direction, you’re just daydreaming. Manifestation works best when your intention meets effort.

And finally, positive thinking alone isn’t enough—you also need clarity, self-awareness, and a willingness to grow through challenges. It’s about co-creating your life with purpose, not passively hoping everything will work out.

Focus on What You Can Control, Leave What You Can't by Hannah Briame at Becoming Who You Are

Mel Robbins hosted Dr. James Doty to talk about Manifestation

CHALLENGE: Take a moment to reflect on an area of your life where you’d like to see change. Identify one specific goal, visualize the outcome, and outline the steps you’ll take to achieve it. Embrace your role as the creator of your destiny, and watch as your intentions transform into reality.

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On this show…we are attempting to avoid the Certainty Trap by asking, "Are you as right as you think you are?" Have you ever felt so sure you were right about something, only to later discover there was more to the story—or a completely different side you hadn’t considered? That moment can be humbling, even a little uncomfortable, but it’s also where growth begins.

We’ve all been there—standing our ground, convinced that our perspective is the correct one. Whether it’s a debate about current events, a disagreement in a relationship, or simply our interpretation of a situation, we often hold tightly to our beliefs. In this episode, we’re diving into the human tendency to cling to certainty, even when we might not have all the facts. We’ll explore the importance of self-awareness, the value of considering opposing viewpoints, and how embracing a bit of uncertainty can lead to personal growth and deeper connections with others. So, let’s challenge our assumptions and open the door to new perspectives—who knows what we might discover?

Let’s start by calling out the very human thing we all do: we like to be right. I mean, who doesn’t? Being right feels good—it’s validating, it’s safe, and it gives us a sense of control. But the brain takes it a step further. Scientifically speaking, our brains are wired to protect our current beliefs. We’re not just thinking—we’re filtering, editing, and defending. This is thanks to something called confirmation bias, which is your brain’s way of saying, “Let’s only pay attention to the stuff that proves we already know what we’re talking about.”

Here’s a real-life example: you’ve decided your partner never listens to you. So, every time they forget something you said—ding ding ding—more proof. But when they do listen? You might not notice. Or maybe you write it off as a fluke. That’s confirmation bias in action. You’re scanning for evidence that supports what you already believe and quietly ignoring what doesn’t fit.

Then there’s overconfidence bias, which is exactly what it sounds like: thinking we know more than we do. Ever found yourself mid-debate, completely certain about a “fact” you read online… only to later realize you misread it or, oops, it was a meme? Yeah, same. Our brains often give us the feeling of being right before we’ve actually done the homework. And once we’re feeling confident, our openness to alternative views tends to shrink like jeans in the dryer.

Now, let’s turn the mirror inward. It’s time for a little self-reflection:

Recall a Recent Disagreement: Think about a recent situation where you were convinced you were right. What was the topic? Who were you discussing it with?

Identify Your Sources: What information did you base your opinion on? Was it firsthand experience, something you read, or perhaps information from someone you trust?

Consider the Other Perspective: What was the other person’s viewpoint? Can you understand why they might see things differently?

Assess Your Openness: During the discussion, were you genuinely open to hearing the other side, or were you more focused on proving your point?

Reflect on the Outcome: How did the conversation end? Did you learn something new, or did it reinforce your original belief?

By engaging in this exercise, you may uncover patterns in your thinking and identify areas where you can be more receptive to differing viewpoints.

Dr. David W. Johnson with “The Importance of Taking the Perspective of Others.” Found at Psychology Today

Certainty Is a Psychological Trap and It's Time to Escape also found at Psychology Today

Let’s go to the well….Annie Duke explains why being uncertain is a hidden strength

CHALLENGE: Identify one belief or opinion you hold with absolute certainty and actively seek out information or perspectives that challenge it. Embrace the discomfort of uncertainty, and observe how this openness can lead to deeper understanding and personal growth. Remember, true wisdom often begins with the acknowledgment of what we don’t know.

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On this show… we are going beyond comfort as we step outside of our comfort zones and embrace growth. We’ve all been there—nestled comfortably in our routines, sipping the same coffee, walking the same paths, and binge-watching that favorite series for the umpteenth time. It’s cozy, predictable, and safe. But have you ever wondered what lies beyond that snug bubble? What adventures, opportunities, and personal growth await when you dare to venture into the unknown?

Stepping outside your comfort zone isn’t just a catchy phrase; it’s a transformative journey that challenges your fears, bolsters your confidence, and shatters those pesky limiting beliefs. In this episode, we’ll explore the exhilarating (and sometimes nerve-wracking) world beyond our comfort zones. From understanding the psychology behind our fears to uncovering the hidden costs of staying stagnant, we’ll navigate this path together to discover how embracing discomfort can lead to unparalleled personal growth.

Let’s start at the beginning—what exactly is a “comfort zone”? Sounds cozy, right? Like fuzzy socks, predictable routines, and your favorite Netflix binge. But in psychological terms, your comfort zone is more than just what feels familiar. It’s a behavioral space where your activities and decisions fit a routine and pattern that minimizes stress and risk. Inside it, you’re cruising—things feel manageable, safe, and under control. But spoiler alert: not much growth happens there.

Now, stepping outside of that bubble? That’s where things get interesting. Psychologists have mapped this out into zones: beyond the comfort zone lies the learning zone, where you face new challenges, gain skills, and build resilience. Keep going and you’ll hit the growth zone—this is where purpose, confidence, and real transformation happen. It’s the place where you say yes to the things that scare you a little but excite you a lot. The catch? It’s also where the uncertainty lives. The fear. The doubt. That tiny inner voice that says, “Yeah but… what if I fail?”

And hey, that voice has a point—there is risk involved. But there’s also risk in staying stuck. The longer we stay in our bubble, the more we reinforce limiting beliefs—like “I’m not good at that,” or “That’s just not who I am.” These beliefs become like padded walls, keeping us “safe,” but also keeping us small. And here’s the wild part: you might not even realize you’re stuck. You might just feel low-grade frustration, boredom, or restlessness—like something’s missing but you can’t quite name it. That’s often your potential, knocking on the door, wondering when you’re going to invite it in.

Is It Time to Leave Your Comfort Zone? How Leaving Can Spark Positive Change

Michael Hyatt asks and answers; Are Your Beliefs Keeping You Stuck? Found on Full Focus

Joey Schweitzer on How the comfort zone is ruining your life

Here are five powerful ways to challenge limiting beliefs

1. Talk Back to the Voice in Your Head

You know the one. That inner critic that says, “You’re not good at this,” or “Who do you think you are?” Call it out! Literally question it like a nosy neighbor:

• Says who?”
• “Is that actually true or just something I picked up along the way?”

When you start treating those beliefs like suggestions instead of facts, you regain control of the narrative.

1. Look for the Evidence (and the Holes)

Take your limiting belief and pretend you’re a lawyer trying to prove or disprove it.

• Belief: “I’m not creative.”
• Evidence: Have you ever solved a problem in a new way? Cooked without a recipe? Decorated a space? Boom—creative.

Most limiting beliefs fall apart under even the gentlest cross-examination.

1. Reframe the Story

Instead of saying “I always mess this up,” try “I’m still learning, and each attempt gets me closer.”

Reframing isn’t lying to yourself—it’s choosing a perspective that empowers instead of paralyzes you. Think of it like adjusting the lens on your camera: same scene, better focus.

1. Take Micro-Actions That Prove It Wrong

One of the fastest ways to challenge a belief is to act in spite of it.

If you believe, “I’m not confident speaking up,” try asking a question in a meeting. Tiny actions stack up. And each time you do the thing you thought you couldn’t, that belief loses its power.

1. Borrow Someone Else’s Belief

When your self-belief is shaky, lean on someone who sees you clearly. A coach, friend, mentor—someone who’s rooting for you.

Ask, “What do you see in me that I’m missing?” Sometimes we need to borrow confidence until we build our own.

CHALLENGE: Identify one area in your life where fear or complacency has kept you confined. Take a deliberate step this week to push beyond that boundary, no matter how small, and embrace the growth that awaits on the other side. Remember, life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

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On this show…we are diving into the idea of emotional shape-shifting or adapting our emotions and behaviors in different social situations. Have you ever found yourself slipping into the role of mood manager—filling awkward silences, lifting a heavy atmosphere, or shifting your tone just to keep the peace? Maybe you’ve walked into a room, scanned the emotional temperature, and instinctively adjusted yourself to fit in, smoothing out discomfort like a social glue stick. If so, congratulations! You might be what I like to call an Emotional Shape-Shifter—the person who intuitively adapts to meet others where they are. Sounds like a superpower, right? And in many ways, it is. This kind of emotional adaptability can build connections, ease tensions, and make you the go-to person for support and social harmony. But here’s the catch—when does being flexible turn into being too flexible? At what point do we stop adjusting and start erasing ourselves?

Think about it - constantly mirroring other people’s moods can be exhausting! If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling emotionally drained—like you just carried the weight of someone else’s energy—you’re not alone. As a self-proclaimed shifter, I wanted to know, is emotional shape-shifting simply a form of empathy, or is it a close cousin of people-pleasing? And more importantly, how do we keep the good parts of this trait while setting boundaries that protect our own emotional well-being? Today, we’re diving into the art of emotional adaptability—when it’s a strength, when it’s a slippery slope, and how to find the balance between connection and self-preservation.

I was talking to a friend of mine about this idea and referred to myself as “the goo”...sounds weird, but think about it. Goo fills empty space.

Ever notice how you become a slightly different version of yourself depending on who you’re with or where you are? This isn’t about being fake – it’s something psychologists might call emotional shape-shifting, and it’s actually a normal part of human behavior. Emotional shape-shifting can be defined as the process of adjusting or changing your emotional expression to suit different situations or people. It draws on our capacity for emotional regulation – the ability to control or modulate our feelings – and on emotional mirroring, where we unconsciously mimic another person’s emotions to connect with them. In other words, it’s like being an “emotional chameleon”, instinctively adapting to the social environment to blend in or put others at ease.

Over at Psych Central, Hope Gillette tells us about Practicing Authenticity When You're Socially Adapting

There are no set criteria that define someone as a social chameleon, but common traits can include:

Empathy: Recognizing, relating, and responding to the thoughts and feelings of others.

Adaptability: Being able to change your behavior readily in different situations.

Open-mindedness: Always searching for a common ground with others’ beliefs and interests.

Social awareness: Being keen to subtle social cues, like body language, or shifts in others’ moods and behaviors.

Effective communication: Offering clear, engaging conversation and active listening.

Displaying interest: Asking questions and displaying interest in someone else’s passion.

Mimicking movements: Taking on movements of another to convey shared experiences, like smiling, nodding, or arm crossing.

At Medical News Today, Zawn Villines gives us some insight on People pleasers: What it means and how to stop

On the School of Life’s YouTube Channel, I found How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

CHALLENGE: Be intentional with your own emotional shape-shifting – adapt to others when it feels right, but never at the cost of your true feelings and needs. Stay flexible and empathetic, yes, but also fiercely protective of your authenticity and personal boundaries.

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On this show…we are turning dreams into reality as we take action to live our best lives. Have you ever caught yourself saying, “One day, I’m going to…” or “I wish I could…” only to let time slip by without taking action? Maybe you’ve dreamed of starting your own business, writing a book, switching careers, or finally diving into that passion project you can’t stop thinking about. But somehow, between responsibilities, self-doubt, and the comfort of routine, those dreams get placed on the back burner. And the longer they sit, the easier it is to convince yourself that now just isn’t the right time. But let’s be real—if we wait for the perfect time, we might be waiting forever. So, what’s really holding us back? Is it fear? Lack of direction? The security of staying where we are, even if it isn’t fulfilling?

Today, we’re going to uncover the real reasons we stall on our dreams and, more importantly, how to break through the hesitation and take action. Because here’s the truth: the difference between “I wish” and “I did” is action. And that doesn’t mean making a drastic leap overnight—it means taking one small, intentional step in the right direction. Whether you’re looking to reinvent your career, start a side hustle for joy rather than money, or simply make progress toward something you love, this episode is for you. Let’s talk about the power of forward motion, break out of the predictable patterns that keep us stuck, and create a real, scalable plan to move from dreaming to doing. It’s time to get up and get going!

From the start, I had entrepreneurial aspirations! Not really sure why that is. I didn’t come from a family of entrepreneurs. My father was a professor and my mother a stay-at-home mother but as early as I can remember, I was creating opportunity. Not everything was a money-maker or even successful but that wasn’t really the most exciting part for me. It was the idea that turned into action. I saw opportunity everywhere. For instance, my neighbors were out of town and we had a big storm in my neighborhood. This took down a very large tree in their backyard. After an initial inspection I decided it would be cool to give neighborhood children a tour for a small entrance fee. After coming up with some compelling and elaborate stories about each nook and cranny of the fallen tree, we gave tours all day and made enough money to walk to town and treat ourselves with some goodies.

Now, I realize there is a time and place for any genius idea so I’m not suggesting checking the weather channel for the next big storm but I tell this story to say, what can you engineer from just a creative thought?

Let’s take a moment for some self-reflection. Grab a pen and paper, or open a notes app, and jot down your answers to these questions:

• What is a dream or passion you’ve been putting off?

Think about something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t pursued yet.

• What fears or doubts have been holding you back?

Be honest with yourself—acknowledge any fear of failure, fear of success, or comfort in routine that’s keeping you from taking action.

• What small step can you take this week toward that dream?

Identify a manageable action that moves you closer to your goal, whether it’s researching, networking, or dedicating time to your passion.

The Real Reason You’re Afraid To Chase Your Dreams - from Bren on the Road

When asked…How can we overcome the fear of pursuing our dreams?. Deepak Chopra

At Observing Leslie, I found How the Obsession with Monetizing Hurts Us

On Gabby Bernstein’s YouTube channel, I found The First Step in Taking Action on Your Dream

CHALLENGE: Stop waiting for the “right time” and take the first bold step toward your dream today. Trust yourself, embrace the excitement of the unknown, and start creating the life you’ve been dreaming about—because the only thing standing between you and your future is action!

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On this show…we are going beyond the hammer as we strive to expand our toolbox to handle life’s challenges. Have you ever found yourself approaching every problem with the same solution, even when it’s not the best fit? Maybe you’re the “tough love” person, doling out hard truths when sometimes a little empathy would go further. Or maybe you’re the peacemaker, smoothing things over when what’s really needed is some constructive conflict. We all have our go-to tools, and when they work, they work—but what about when they don’t? That’s why we’re exploring this top of: If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. This well-known idiom, also called Maslow’s hammer or the law of the instrument, describes our tendency to over-rely on familiar methods, even when they aren’t the best solution.

Think about it: if a hammer is all you know, you’re going to swing at every challenge like it’s a bent nail. But life is full of problems that don’t require brute force—some need a screwdriver, a paintbrush, or maybe just a step back to reassess the whole project. The key to personal and professional growth is recognizing when it’s time to expand your toolbox. Today, we’re exploring why we default to certain ways of thinking, how this impacts our decision-making, and most importantly, how we can cultivate a more adaptable and creative approach to life’s challenges. Let’s trade in our hammers for a full set of tools and learn how to use them!

Test Your Toolbox

Now, let’s put your hammer to the test. Consider the following scenarios and think about how you would instinctively respond. Then, challenge yourself to consider an alternative approach.

🔨 Scenario 1: A friend is venting about a frustrating work situation.

• Your Hammer Response: Do you immediately jump in with advice on how to fix it?
• Alternative Approach: Instead, what if you just listened and validated their feelings?

🔨 Scenario 2: Your team at work isn’t meeting expectations.

• Your Hammer Response: Do you tighten control and micromanage?
• Alternative Approach: What if you opened a dialogue to understand their challenges and adjusted expectations accordingly?

🔨 Scenario 3: You’re overwhelmed with a busy schedule.

• Your Hammer Response: Do you push through, working harder without considering other options?
• Alternative Approach: Could you delegate, restructure your time, or simply ask for help?

Dr. Justin James Kennedy explores Unlocking the Power of Cognitive Diversity found at Psychology Today

Ben Janse explains Systematic Inventive Thinking (SIT) found at Tools Hero

On the Mental Models Daily YouTube channel, I found some additional real-life examples of Maslow’s Hammer.

CHALLENGE: Recognize when you’re reaching for your proverbial hammer and consider alternative tools. Embrace new perspectives and strategies to enrich your problem-solving repertoire.

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On this show…we are balancing our inner emotions as we decide, which wolf to feed. Ever feel like there’s a tug-of-war happening inside you? One part of you wants to lounge on the couch, scrolling endlessly, indulging in snacks, and just existing in cozy bliss. Meanwhile, the other side is nagging at you—reminding you of the gym membership you’re paying for, the book you said you’d read, or that goal you promised yourself you’d chase. It’s an internal battle, and let’s be honest, some days, the lazy wolf wins. But what if I told you that this struggle isn’t just about self-discipline or willpower? It’s a deeper, universal experience that has been described for generations through the ancient Cherokee story of the two wolves.

According to this tale, inside each of us live two wolves: one represents negativity—anger, jealousy, regret, self-doubt—while the other embodies positivity—love, kindness, hope, and gratitude. They are constantly at odds, each vying for dominance over our thoughts, reactions, and ultimately, our lives. The question is: which wolf wins? The answer is simple but powerful—the one you feed. On this show, we’re diving deep into this idea, exploring the dangers of leaning too far in either direction and most importantly, how to maintain a healthy balance. Because let’s face it, we’re all human. Sometimes, the negative wolf gets a few too many scraps, but the good news? We can always make a conscious choice to shift our focus, change our perspective, and start feeding the right wolf again.

Let’s do a little test to see if you can recognize which wolf is speaking in different situations. I’m going to give you a few common thoughts we all experience, and I want you to guess which wolf is talking—positive or negative. No overthinking, just go with your gut.

• “I’ll never be good at this, so why even try?”
• “I messed up, but I can learn from this and do better next time.”
• “Everyone else has it figured out. I’m so far behind.”
• “I’m proud of how far I’ve come, even if I’m not where I want to be yet.”
• “I don’t trust people. Every time I let my guard down, I get hurt.”
• “There are good people in the world. I just have to find the right ones.”

How did you do? It’s pretty clear once you break it down, right? The negative wolf thrives on absolutes—never, always, no one, everyone—and it feeds on doubt, fear, and comparison. The positive wolf, on the other hand, embraces growth, possibility, and resilience.

When the Wolves Wear Disguises

Here’s where it gets tricky—sometimes, the negative wolf pretends to be the positive wolf to keep its grip on you. Have you ever told yourself:

• “I just expect the worst so I won’t be disappointed.”
• “I’m not being negative, I’m just being realistic.”
• “If I don’t trust people, they can’t hurt me.”

These thoughts feel like self-protection, but in reality, they’re fear in disguise. The negative wolf doesn’t just show up as anger or sadness—it can creep in as cynicism, overthinking, or even perfectionism.

Courtney E. Ackerman asks about Positive and Negative Emotions: Do We Need Both? Found at Positive Psychology

Ria Bhagwat claims 'Lemonading' Is the Life Strategy That'll Make You Happier (and There's Science to Prove It) found at Real Simple

On the Anasazi Foundation’s YouTube channel, I found THE LEGEND OF THE TWO WOLVES || Native American Legend

CHALLENGE: This week, observe which wolf you’re feeding with your thoughts and actions. Make conscious choices to nourish your positive wolf, and watch how your inner landscape transforms.

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On this show…we’re cracking open the psychology of emotions, specifically the fine line between anxiety and excitement. Have you ever found yourself on the edge of a thrilling adventure, heart racing, palms sweaty, only to wonder: “Am I anxious or just excited?” If so, you’re not alone. Anxiety and excitement are emotional doppelgängers, mirroring each other in physical symptoms—rapid heartbeat, fluttering stomach, and that all-too-familiar rush of adrenaline. But here’s the twist: our mind plays the role of narrator, deciding whether this moment is a threat to be feared or an opportunity to be embraced. And once we slap a label on it, we start acting accordingly. Anxiety gets thrown around far too often, and when we’re quick to diagnose every feeling of nervous energy as anxiety, we inadvertently give it more power than it deserves.

But what if, instead, we took a step back and questioned whether we’re actually afraid… or just excited? By shifting the way we interpret our body’s signals, we can reframe anxious energy into something productive—enthusiasm, motivation, even joy! We’ll explore how this mindset shift works, test out ways to tell the difference and dive into strategies to regain control over our thoughts. If you’ve ever mistaken nerves for negativity or let anxiety hold you back, this episode will help you take back the reins. So, deep breath—let’s go!

Anxiety and excitement are like two sides of the same coin. Physiologically, both can make your heart race, palms sweat, and mind buzz. The key difference? It’s all about perception. Anxiety often stems from anticipating a negative outcome, while excitement is rooted in positive expectations. Recognizing this distinction is the first step in mastering our emotional responses.

right now.

Mind Flip Challenge:

1. Think back to a moment when you felt nervous energy. Maybe it was before a speech, a first date, or a big change.
2. Replay the scene in your mind—what was your body doing? Heart racing? Hands tingling?
3. Now, flip the script. Instead of saying, “I was so anxious,” say, “I was actually really excited.” Feel the difference?
4. Take it a step further: When you experience those same feelings in the future, try saying out loud, “I’m excited!”—even if you don’t fully believe it at first. You’re rewiring your brain, one phrase at a time.

Dr. Yanet Vanegas details Transforming Anxiety: How to Turn Worry Into Success - Harness the power of anxiety to fuel your motivation and achieve your goals. Found at Psychology Today

Megan Anna Neff declares Feelings Are Not Facts: How to Identify Experience from Reality found at Neurodivergent Insights

Olga Khazan from the Atlantic’s YouTube channel: How to Turn Anxiety Into Excitement

CHALLENGE: Next time anxiety knocks, greet it with excitement. Embrace the energy and let it propel you forward. Instead of fearing the moment, step into it with confidence, knowing that you have the power to shape your own experience.

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On this show…we’re diving into the art of seeing both sides of the coin. Have you ever been so convinced you’re right about something, only to later realize you were missing an entire side of the story? It happens to all of us! We get comfortable in our own experiences, opinions, and beliefs, seeing the world through a lens shaped by our past. But what if we took a step back and considered another perspective—one that challenges our assumptions, expands our thinking, and maybe even changes the way we see the world? Today, we’re exploring the power of looking at both sides of the coin, recognizing that understanding isn’t just about what we know but also about what we’re willing to learn.

Imagine standing in a hallway lined with doors. Each one represents a different perspective, a new way of seeing the same issue. The more doors you open, the more complete your understanding becomes. But if you only stand at one door, insisting that what you see is all there is, you miss out on the full picture. Learning to explore different viewpoints isn’t about giving up your own beliefs—it’s about strengthening them by exposing them to new information. It’s about building bridges instead of walls, seeking connection over conflict, and embracing curiosity over certainty. So, let’s dive in, open our minds, and discover how seeing both sides of the story can lead to a deeper, more meaningful understanding of the world around us.

To kick things off, let’s clarify what it means to see both sides. It’s about being open-minded, empathetic, and willing to consider perspectives beyond our own. This involves understanding that our viewpoint is just one among many and that others’ experiences shape their beliefs and opinions. By acknowledging this, we can foster deeper connections and make more informed decisions.

Mckenna Schueler shares The Importance Of Listening To Both Sides Of An Argument

Choosing to ignore the side of the argument you don't agree with only weakens your own. Found at The Odessy online.

Melissa Wadsworth offers another angle of 2 Sides of a Coin – Perspective Shifts in Collective Consciousness found at Collective Manifestation

Mark B. Baer, sheds some light on Empathy and Self-Awareness. Personal Perspective: Why cultivating empathy towards others is a skill. Found at Psychology Today

Communication Coach, Alexander Lyon explains Empathy on his YouTube channel.

At the end of the day, expanding our perspective isn’t about giving up our beliefs—it’s about being open enough to consider new ones. And who knows? The more we listen, the more we might just learn.

CHALLENGE: Step outside your comfort zone this week. Engage in a conversation with someone who holds a different viewpoint, listen actively, and seek to understand their perspective. Embrace the opportunity to see the world through their eyes, and watch how it enriches your own.

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On this show..we’re diving into a topic that’s as inevitable as that laundry pile you’ve been avoiding: change. Whether it’s the subtle shift of seasons or a complete life overhaul, change is the only constant. But fear not! We’re here to explore how embracing these twists and turns can lead to a stronger, more resilient you. So, grab your favorite beverage, get comfy, and let’s embark on this journey together.

Change comes in many forms—planned or unexpected, minor tweaks or major transformations. It’s the process of becoming different, and while it can be daunting, it’s also a powerful catalyst for personal growth. By understanding change as a natural part of life, we can better prepare ourselves to navigate it.

As I reflect on the changes I’ve navigated in my life, I can’t help but sit back and say—WOW. There’s a lot to be proud of. Moments I once thought were impossible, I conquered. Others still leave me wondering, Did I really do that? Some changes weren’t as thrilling, but they were necessary, and I made it through—not unscathed, but grateful. Moving forward, I want to be prepared for whatever life has in store. While I may never predict what’s ahead, I’m convinced that truly knowing myself and standing firm in my values will serve as the lighthouse guiding me through.

On Medium, Mazior Nyanyo suggests a reason to Embracing Change: A Journey Towards Personal Growth and Success

On the Lily-Jo Project, I found some additional insight on Embracing Change: Navigating a New Normal with Grace

Let’s lean into the wise words of Simon Sinek on how to Navigate and Embrace Change found on his YouTube channel.

Here’s how to shift your mindset and apply change effectively to overcome life’s challenges.

1. Reframe Change as an Opportunity

Instead of seeing change as something that’s happening to you, try seeing it as something that’s happening for you. Every shift in life—big or small—has the potential to teach you something new.

🔹 Action Step: The next time you face an unexpected challenge, ask yourself: What can I learn from this? How can this experience make me stronger?

1. Identify What’s in Your Control

One of the biggest reasons people resist change is the fear of losing control. While you can’t always control what happens, you can control your response.

🔹 Action Step: Make a list of things that are within your control during a challenging transition (your mindset, your actions, your willingness to learn) and focus your energy there.

1. Break It Down into Small Steps

Big changes can feel overwhelming. Instead of trying to tackle everything at once, break it down into smaller, manageable steps.

🔹 Action Step: If you’re facing a career change, for example, start by updating your resume, then research companies, then reach out to your network. Taking one step at a time makes the change feel more doable.

1. Develop a Resilient Mindset

Change often comes with uncertainty, but resilience helps you bounce back and adapt. The more you train your mind to be flexible, the easier it becomes to handle life’s twists and turns.

🔹 Action Step: When you feel overwhelmed, practice self-talk like I’ve handled challenges before, and I can handle this too. Building confidence in your ability to adapt makes all the difference.

1. Seek Support and Inspiration

You don’t have to navigate change alone. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, whether that’s a mentor, friend, or support group. Learning from others who have faced similar challenges can be incredibly encouraging.

🔹 Action Step: Find a book, podcast, or TED Talk about someone who successfully navigated change. Their story might give you the push you need to keep going.

1. Accept Discomfort as Part of Growth

Growth doesn’t happen in comfort zones. The discomfort that comes with change is actually a sign that you’re evolving. Instead of avoiding it, lean into it.

🔹 Action Step: The next time you feel uncomfortable in a new situation, pause and remind yourself, This feeling means I’m growing. Embrace it rather than resist it.

1. Reflect and Adjust as You Go

Change is a process, not a one-time event. As you move through challenges, take time to reflect on what’s working and what’s not. Adjust your approach as needed.

🔹 Action Step: Keep a journal of your thoughts and progress through a change. Looking back at how far you’ve come can be incredibly motivating.

1. Keep Your Eyes on the Bigger Picture

It’s easy to get caught up in the stress of change, but remind yourself why you’re making the transition in the first place. What’s the bigger goal? What’s on the other side of this challenge?

🔹 Action Step: Write down three positive outcomes that could come from the change you’re experiencing. Keeping those in mind will help you stay motivated.

CHALLENGE: This week, identify one area in your life where change is knocking, and instead of bolting the door, invite it in for coffee. Embrace the discomfort, explore the possibilities, and watch how you grow. Remember, change isn’t the enemy; it’s the personal trainer for your life’s journey.

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On this show…we are delving into the intriguing realms of daydreaming and visualization. Have you ever been caught staring off into space, only to snap back to reality and wonder where your mind wandered? Or perhaps you’ve been told to “visualize success” but aren’t quite sure how that’s different from a midday reverie. You’re not alone! Daydreaming and visualization may seem like mental opposites—one feels like a carefree drift down a lazy river, while the other is more like a focused GPS for your goals. But what if I told you they both have a place in your life? In this episode, we’re unpacking these two mental superpowers, exploring their differences, and discovering how to balance the benefits of dreaming big and thinking strategically. Let’s turn those cloud-watching moments into life-launching plans. So, grab a comfy seat, let your thoughts meander (but not too far), and let’s embark on this mental adventure together!

To set the stage, let’s clarify what we mean by daydreaming and visualization. Daydreaming is a spontaneous and unstructured flow of thoughts that can transport you away from the present moment. It’s often a way to escape boredom or entertain oneself, allowing the mind to wander freely. On the other hand, visualization is a deliberate and structured mental process where you create vivid images or scenarios in your mind to achieve a specific goal or outcome. It’s commonly used in practices like sports psychology and personal development to enhance performance and manifest desired results.

Mark Morgan goes a little deeper on the definition, Visualization is Like Daydreaming on Purpose found at Neuro Tracker

Barbara Field shares 5 Positive Effects of Daydreaming found at Very Well Mind

On Dr. Tracey Marks’ YouTube channel, she explains Maladaptive Daydreaming vs Mind wandering – How To Tell the Difference

Activity: A Two-Part Mental Experiment

Let’s try an exercise to really understand the difference between these two mental activities. Grab a notebook or open a notes app, and let’s go:

1. Daydreaming Phase

Set a timer for five minutes. Let your mind wander freely—no rules, no restrictions. Write down any thoughts, scenarios, or ideas that pop into your head. It doesn’t have to make sense or have a purpose; just let your imagination flow. Maybe you’re a world-famous chef, or you’re living on a tropical island with a pet monkey. Go wild!

1. Visualization Phase

Now, reset your timer for another five minutes, but this time, focus on something you want to achieve. Picture it in as much detail as possible. What does success look like? How do you feel? What steps are you taking to make it happen? Write down the specifics of this visualization.

Reflection:

After the exercise, take a look at your notes. Your daydreams might feel playful, random, or even a little absurd, while your visualization notes should feel structured and goal-oriented. Notice how both have value—one sparks creativity and freedom, and the other drives focus and motivation.

Bonus Insight:

If you find yourself daydreaming too much when you’re trying to visualize, that’s okay! Your mind just needs a little training. Try grounding techniques like deep breathing or focusing on a specific object to bring yourself back to the present and regain control.

This simple experiment helps you tune into how your mind works and gives you a clear sense of when to let it wander and when to focus it with purpose. It’s not about choosing one over the other—it’s about learning to use both effectively, like switching gears in a car. Sometimes, you need to cruise; other times, you’ve got to put the pedal to the metal!

CHALLENGE: Harness the power of your mind by distinguishing between when to let it wander and when to focus it with intent. Embrace both daydreaming and visualization as tools to enrich your life and propel you toward your goals.

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On this show…we’re diving into a topic that many of us are all too familiar with: procrastination. It’s the sneaky little gremlin we all know too well. You promise you’ll “get to it tomorrow,” but somehow tomorrow keeps moving further away. The truth is, procrastination isn’t about being lazy or disorganized; it’s often about dodging discomfort, whether it’s tackling a tough project, having a hard conversation, or just folding that mountain of laundry. It’s not complicated, but let’s face it—it is hard. The good news? With the right mindset and a few practical strategies, you can kick procrastination to the curb and finally get stuff done. So, grab your to-do list (if you haven’t procrastinated on making one), and let’s explore why we put things off and how to overcome this all-too-common hurdle. Because, hey, even a baby step forward is better than a perfectly polished excuse!...Most of the time. Just kidding…

Alright, let’s kick things off with a quick, no-pressure quiz to see where you stand on the procrastination spectrum. Grab a pen—or just think about your answers, but no procrastinating! Answer “yes” or “no” to these questions:

1. Do you ever tell yourself, “I work better under pressure,” and then wait until the last minute to start a task?
2. Is “I’ll get to it tomorrow” your unofficial life motto?
3. Do you have projects or tasks that have been on your to-do list so long they feel like part of the furniture?
4. Do you find yourself doing something else productive—like cleaning the fridge or reorganizing your closet—to avoid the real thing you need to do?
5. When you finish one task, do you think, “Whew, I deserve a break!” and then start a four-hour Netflix marathon?

If you answered “yes” to even one of these, procrastination might be paying you a visit. If you answered “yes” to all five…well, we’ve got some work to do—but don’t worry, you’re not alone!

Now, let’s dive in and figure out what’s really going on behind the scenes when we procrastinate, and more importantly, how we can start turning those “I’ll do it tomorrow” moments into “Wow, look at me go!” moments.

To tackle procrastination, we first need to understand what it is and why we do it. Procrastination is more than just laziness; it’s a complex psychological behavior rooted in our desire to avoid discomfort. According to an article from Verywell Health, procrastination can lead to increased stress, health problems, and poorer performance.  It’s often linked to factors like fear of failure, perfectionism, and low self-esteem. Recognizing these underlying causes is the first step toward change.

How to Stop Procrastinating - By Michelle Pugle

Dr. Bobby Huffman sheds light on another side of this coin, The Scary Truth About Procrastination found at Psychology Today

The Crucial Role Emotions Play in Productivity - TIME

Dr. Andrew Huberman shows us How to Stop Procrastination & Increase Motivation found on his YouTube channel Huberman Labs

I’ve heard this advice before…take big projects and break them down into smaller, bite-sized chunks and this is excellent advice, but let’s take it a step further with granular tips and tricks to ensure this strategy truly works for you.

1. Start with the End Goal
2. Visualize what “done” looks like. What does success mean for this task? Write it down.
3. Example: Instead of just “finish the report,” write, “Create a polished, 5-page report with data visuals and an executive summary.”
4. Reverse Engineer Your Steps
5. Work backward from the end goal and ask: “What must happen immediately before this step?” Keep repeating until you reach the beginning.
6. Example: For “create a polished report,” steps might look like:
7. Format and proofread the final document.
8. Draft each section based on research.
9. Organize and clean up the data.
10. Gather data from different sources.
11. Create Micro-Tasks
12. Break down tasks into time-boxed, specific actions.
13. Use the 2-minute rule for any task that’s quick (e.g., “create a folder to store research”).
14. Example for “research topic ideas for presentation”:
15. Spend 5 minutes brainstorming keywords.
16. Spend 10 minutes searching online and bookmarking articles.
17. Write down 3 ideas in a notebook.
18. Use Action Words
19. Write tasks as specific actions. Avoid vague labels like “work on project.” Instead, use verbs like “outline,” “call,” “research,” or “draft.”
20. Example: Instead of “organize inbox,” write “delete 20 old emails” or “label 10 client messages.”
21. The Rule of One
22. Focus on one part of the task at a time.
23. Example: If you’re writing a report, don’t attempt the intro, middle, and conclusion all at once. Start with just the bullet points for one section.

By taking these granular steps, you make any daunting task feel manageable, and before you know it, you’ll be crossing things off your list like a pro!

CHALLENGE: Identify one task you’ve been putting off and apply one of the strategies we’ve discussed today to start it. Remember, taking the first step is often the hardest part, but it’s also the most rewarding.

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On this show…we are exploring guilt and gaslighting as we unravel the mind’s silent saboteurs. This topic is as sneaky as a cat burglar and as subtle as a whoopee cushion at a royal banquet: guilt and gaslighting. Ever felt like your mind’s been playing tricks on you, only to realize someone else was the magician? Life throws enough curveballs without someone pitching guilt and gaslighting into the mix, right? But here’s the good news—you have the power to call out those sneaky mind games, hit pause on the guilt spiral, and rewrite the narrative. Today, we’re diving deep into the tricky terrain of guilt and gaslighting: why they happen, how they mess with your head, and most importantly, how you can rise above them. So buckle up for a journey of clarity and courage because It’s time to reclaim your peace of mind and say, “No thanks, manipulation—I’ll stick to reality!”

To set the stage, let’s define our key players. Guilt is that nagging feeling when we’ve done something wrong—or sometimes when we haven’t, but someone wants us to think we have. Gaslighting, on the other hand, is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own reality. It’s like being convinced that the sky is green when you know it’s blue. Understanding these concepts is the first step in recognizing their impact on our lives.

At Neuro Launch I found some Effects of Gaslighting on the Brain: Psychological and Neurological Impacts

Over at Psych Central, I found How to Spot Manipulation Tactics

Frederick Ribersson on the Decoding Narcissism’s YouTube channel How to IMPLODE A Narcissist GUILT Trip Game

Let’s not let the idea of Rising Above go unexplored. We’ve all heard of rising above a situation as being the bigger person, taking the high road an letting things go first. But I want you to think of another idea…actually hovering over a situation to get a different perspective.

Imagine being in the middle of chaos, drama, or any overwhelming situation. In the middle is tough because it feels like you are surrounded and from this vantage point where you can’t see your way out, you might feel hopeless.

Rise above, crawl up higher in your mind’s eye so that you can look down on a situation. From up here the issue shrinks and you can take in the entire scope of the situation seeing how thinks can be interrelated or interdependent. From this new perspective and the time you took to gain it, you can truly process the challenge and your next move.

You have more control over your thinking than you think you do.

For instance:

• Trust Your Perceptions: Acknowledge your feelings and experiences without immediately dismissing them.
• Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your limits and stand firm against attempts to undermine them.
• Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a mental health professional about your experiences.
• Document Interactions: Keep a record of conversations and events to reference if your memory is questioned.
• Educate Yourself: Learn about common manipulation tactics to better recognize them.

CHALLENGE: Trust your inner compass, set firm boundaries, and seek support when faced with manipulation. Embrace your reality and stand strong against those who attempt to distort it. You own your power!

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On this show…we’re diving into a topic that’s close to the bone—literally; taking ownership of your health and wellness by shifting from vanity to vitality. Have you ever found yourself sweating it out at the gym, not for the love of health, but to fit into those jeans from high school? Or perhaps you’ve chosen a salad over a burger, not because you enjoy leafy greens, but because of that looming beach vacation? Taking ownership of your health and wellness isn’t about chasing a number on the scale or squeezing into last year’s shorts—it’s about reclaiming your joy, energy, and freedom. Imagine a life where exercise feels like play, eating well becomes self-care, and you’re motivated by how amazing you feel rather than how you think you should look. It’s time to trade body-shaming for body-celebrating and turn health into your personal happiness project.

Let’s flip the script and explore how taking ownership of our health—both physical and mental—can lead to genuine freedom, rather than being shackled by societal expectations and self-imposed limitations.

Health is a holistic state encompassing physical fitness, mental well-being, and emotional balance. It’s about how we feel, function, and thrive in our daily lives, not just how we look. Understanding this broader perspective allows us to set more meaningful health goals that contribute to our overall quality of life.

I found an insightful article that delves into how body shaming can lead to long-term psychological and physical health issues, including depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and eating disorders. Not to be a downer but I think we need to start off by coming clean and getting to the heart of the matter.

Dr. Danielle Kelvis shares The Impact of Body Shaming: How It Affects Mental Health

Alex Davies questions Could soft fitness be your workout game-changer?

Over on the Ted Archive YouTube channel I found some amazing information and inspiration from Laurie Coots on The psychological weight loss strategy

Now that we’ve unpacked the idea of shifting from vanity to vitality and explored the roots of body shaming, it’s time to talk about how to break the cycle. Taking ownership of your health and wellness isn’t about perfection or ticking off a checklist—it’s about building habits and a mindset that prioritize your happiness, freedom, and well-being. Here are practical steps to help you flip the narrative and take control of your health, both physically and mentally.

1. Reframe Your Motivations

Start by redefining your why. Instead of aiming for a certain size or shape, focus on how you want to feel. Maybe it’s more energy to keep up with your kids, a stronger body to tackle that hike, or a calmer mind to handle stress with grace. When your goals are tied to how you live, rather than how you look, they become more meaningful and sustainable.

Try This: Write down three non-aesthetic reasons you want to prioritize your health. Keep this list visible as a daily reminder of your real goals.

1. Silence the Inner Critic

That little voice in your head—the one that compares you to others, nitpicks your reflection, and measures your worth by numbers? It’s time to give it a new job. Turn your inner critic into your inner coach. Celebrate small wins, speak kindly to yourself, and replace criticism with encouragement.

Try This: When you catch yourself thinking something negative about your body, pause and reframe. For example, instead of “I hate my thighs,” try “These thighs carry me through my day.”

1. Move for Joy, Not Punishment

Exercise doesn’t have to be a grueling chore. It’s not about “burning off” last night’s dessert or earning your next meal. Movement is a celebration of what your body can do! Find activities you love—dancing, swimming, yoga, hiking—and let them be a source of fun and empowerment.

Try This: Experiment with new activities until you find one that feels like play, not punishment. Then, schedule it into your week as a gift to yourself.

1. Fuel Your Body with Respect

Ditch the diet mentality that labels foods as “good” or “bad.” Instead, think about nourishment. Choose foods that make you feel strong, energized, and satisfied. It’s not about restriction—it’s about respect for your body.

Try This: Instead of cutting out your favorite foods, add in more of the good stuff—colorful fruits, veggies, whole grains, and proteins—and notice how they make you feel.

1. Focus on Mental Health as Much as Physical

Health isn’t just about the body; it’s about the mind, too. Make time for mental self-care: meditation, journaling, therapy, or simply unplugging from screens. A healthy mind is the foundation for making lasting changes to your physical health.

Try This: Start a gratitude journal. Write down three things each day that you’re thankful for about your body and mind.

1. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

The people and messages you surround yourself with can have a huge impact on your mindset. Seek out communities that celebrate all body types, avoid toxic comparisons on social media, and spend time with people who uplift and support you.

Try This: Curate your social media feed by unfollowing accounts that make you feel inadequate and following those that inspire body positivity and health for happiness.

1. Be Patient and Compassionate with Yourself

Changing ingrained patterns and beliefs isn’t easy. It takes time, effort, and a lot of self-compassion. Remember, progress isn’t linear. You’ll have setbacks, but they don’t erase your progress. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d show a friend.

Try This: When you hit a rough patch, remind yourself, “I’m not starting over—I’m continuing from where I left off.”

CHALLENGE: Redefine your approach to health by focusing on activities and habits that enhance your overall well-being, not just your appearance. Embrace this holistic perspective to unlock a happier, freer, and more vibrant version of yourself.

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On this show…we are embracing the art of saying no as we get better at setting boundaries to protect our energy. Have you ever caught yourself nodding yes before you’ve even heard the question? Like, ‘Can you…?’ and there it is—‘Sure!’ Before you know it, you’re knee-deep in a commitment you never wanted. Let’s face it—saying no can feel like the ultimate guilty pleasure. We’re so conditioned to be helpful, agreeable, and superhuman that declining a request feels like we’re letting the world down. But guess what? Protecting your energy isn’t just okay—it’s essential! In this episode, we’re diving into the art of saying no, not as a rejection but as a way to honor yourself, your values, and your time. We’ll explore what boundaries really mean, why they matter, and how to say no without the guilt trip.

So let’s use t hat overcommitted superhero cape for some well-deserved boundaries and exploring how to protect your precious energy. It’s time to take back your power, one polite decline at a time!

Let’s start by getting on the same page about what we mean when we talk about boundaries. No, we’re not talking about fences or “Do Not Enter” signs—although sometimes those might feel necessary! Boundaries, in this context, are the invisible lines we draw to define what’s okay and not okay for us. They’re like the personal rules of engagement for how we let others interact with our time, energy, and emotions.

Think about it: we all have a limited amount of energy each day. It’s like a rechargeable battery, but unlike your phone, there’s no power bank to save you when you’re at 1%. So, when you’re constantly saying yes—whether it’s agreeing to bake 200 cookies for the school fundraiser, staying late at work for the fifth time this week, or playing therapist to your overly dramatic friend—you’re draining that battery. And let’s be real, once it’s gone, it’s gone. That’s why boundaries are so important—they help us protect and prioritize our energy.

But here’s the tricky part: why is it so hard to say no? For many of us, it’s because we don’t want to disappoint others. We crave approval, we want to be liked, and sometimes we just want to avoid the awkwardness of conflict. So we end up overcommitting, stretching ourselves too thin, and feeling resentful—or worse, burnt out.

Let’s flip the script. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you smart. Think of boundaries as your personalized life GPS, directing you toward the things that matter most and steering you away from unnecessary detours. They help you stay focused, reduce stress, and create stronger, more respectful relationships.

And here’s a bonus: setting boundaries can actually improve your relationships. How? Because people know where they stand with you, and that clarity builds trust. When you say yes, they’ll know you genuinely mean it, and that makes your commitment even more valuable.

So, let’s embrace this idea of boundaries not as barriers but as bridges to a more intentional, energized life. Up next, we’ll explore how to actually do this—and trust me, it doesn’t involve wearing a “No Thanks” T-shirt, although that could be a fun start!”

Sian Ferguson confesses I’m a People Pleaser Who Tried Saying "No" to Everything for a Week—Here’s What Happened found at Very Well Mind

On Self, Jenna Ryu gives us (or me) 5 Little Ways to Practice Setting Boundaries If You’re a Recovering People Pleaser

No worries, help’s on the way. On Terri Cole’s YouTube Channel, I found Saying "No" Without Justifying or Over-Explaining

CHALLENGE: Protect your energy by setting boundaries that reflect your values. The next time you’re asked to overextend yourself, pause, reflect, and give yourself permission to say no. Remember, every ‘no’ you say to something that drains you is a ‘yes’ to something that fuels you.

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On this show…we are taking a meaningful walk down Memory Lane as we journey to well-being and growth. Do you ever find yourself deep in thought, wondering why a certain memory pops into your head unannounced? It’s like your brain says, ‘Hey, remember that one time you spilled coffee on your boss’s desk? Classic!’ Memories are our personal time capsules filled with joy, heartache, and lessons we’d rather not repeat. But why are they so sticky? What makes them essential to our well-being, and how can we honor them without getting stuck in the past? Let’s dive into the treasure chest of our minds and figure out how these moments shape, heal, and even save us.

Welcome to Memory Lane, where the roads are paved with laughter and tears, the occasional pothole of embarrassment, and some scenic overlooks that make you go, “Wow, I’ve come a long way!” But before we start skipping down the lane hand-in-hand with nostalgia, let’s talk about what makes these little snapshots in our minds so special—and sometimes so puzzling.

What are memories, anyway?

Think of your brain as the ultimate personal assistant—it stores your to-do lists, your grocery store disasters, and that one karaoke performance you wish it would forget. Memories are essentially your brain’s way of saying, “Hey, this moment? Worth keeping.” They’re formed when our experiences are encoded in the brain, stored for safekeeping, and then retrieved when needed—or, you know, when you’re trying to sleep at 3 a.m. UGH every night!

The sciencey bit (but fun, I promise):

There are two main types of memory:

• Short-term memory: Like a post-it note for your brain. It’s where you store quick info like, “Where did I put my keys?” Spoiler alert: you’ll still lose them.
• Long-term memory: These are the biggies—your first dance, the smell of your grandma’s cookies, or that epic road trip. They stick around because they matter.

Why do they matter?

Memories are more than just the greatest hits of your life—they’re your compass, your roadmap, and your connection to the world. They shape how you see yourself, how you relate to others, and how you make sense of everything. Without them, you’d be like a GPS with no destination input—just aimlessly wandering through life!

A fun little detour:

Ever notice how a certain smell or song can hit you like a time machine? That’s called memory triggers, and they’re sneaky little things. One whiff of sunscreen, and suddenly you’re 10 years old at the beach, building sandcastles and eating questionable hot dogs. Or maybe it’s hearing that one song that reminds you of your high school crush—cue Sister Christian, awkward dances, and terrible fashion choices.

So, before we dive into how to honor and heal through these moments, let’s take a second to appreciate this magical filing system in our heads. Your memories are proof that you’ve lived, loved, and learned—whether that lesson was to never attempt bangs again or to cherish the people who make life worth remembering.

At the International Educator, Elke Greite shares more about The Role Of Memory In Identity and Education

Dr. Kate Truitt gives us some good insight into Healing Through the Art of Storytelling

On Ted-Ed’s YouTube Channel, I found How Memories Form and How We Lose Them by Catharine Young

CHALLENGE: Take time this week to revisit one memory that brings you joy and reflect on how it has shaped you. Then, create a new moment to treasure—because the story of your life deserves another great chapter.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are exploring The Power of Habit as we aim to create and sustain positive behaviors. Habits—those sneaky little routines that either keep us on track or derail us faster than a spilled cup of coffee on Monday morning. Whether it’s hitting snooze one too many times, grabbing that extra cookie you swore you wouldn’t, or finally nailing a consistent workout routine, habits shape our lives more than we realize.

But here’s the good news: habits aren’t just hardwired; they can be rewired. So let’s dive deep into what makes habits stick, why they’re so stubborn, and how we can transform even the tiniest shifts into life-changing routines.

Think of it like building a house—you don’t lay the roof first; you start with one solid brick at a time. The same goes for habits: small, intentional changes can lead to extraordinary growth. So, get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even uncover a habit or two you didn’t know you had! Let’s crack the code to better routines and a better you.

First, let’s define what a habit is and how it’s formed. A habit is a routine of behavior that is repeated regularly and tends to occur subconsciously. According to Psychology Today, habit formation is the process by which behaviors become automatic through repetition. This process involves a three-step pattern known as the “habit loop”: cue, routine, and reward. The cue triggers the behavior, the routine is the behavior itself, and the reward is the benefit you gain from doing the behavior, which reinforces the habit.

In my exploration of habits, I came across an insightful article titled “The Science of Habit: How to Rewire Your Brain” from Healthline.

Let’s end with some uplifting inspiration. On the Motivation Ark’s YouTube channel, I found, a Motivational Speech By James Clear

CHALLENGE: Identify one habit that has the power to transform your life. Commit wholeheartedly to practicing it every day for the next 30 days, knowing that each small, consistent step rewires your mind and strengthens your foundation for growth. Remember, positive habits are the seeds of lasting change, and every repetition brings you closer to the best version of yourself.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are trying to achieve a balance between open-mindedness and firm beliefs as we navigate the middle ground. Staying true to your convictions is one position you can take but how does that stance affect the way you embrace new ideas and differing opinions?

Ever feel like you’re walking a mental tightrope, trying to keep an open mind while staying true to what you believe? It’s like trying to balance on a seesaw with a curious toddler on one end and a stubborn goat on the other—challenging, unpredictable, and sometimes a little funny in hindsight. In this episode, we’re exploring how to navigate the middle ground between welcoming new ideas and standing firm in your values. We’ll tackle the fear of being too easily swayed, the risks of being stuck in your ways, and that frustrating paralysis that comes from overthinking it all. Let’s dive in, find our balance, and discover how to approach life’s challenges with curiosity and confidence.

Let’s make sure we all understand the definition of Open-Mindedness:

• The willingness to consider new ideas and perspectives.
• Misconception: Being open-minded means accepting everything without question.

Feel risky? If so, you might have fear around:

• Losing your identity.
• Being coerced into decisions you wouldn’t normally make.
• The slippery slope of “people-pleasing” or over-compromise.

I hear you—it’s exhausting trying to make sense of the conflicting messages we’re bombarded with daily. “Stand your ground!” but “Embrace diverse ideas.” “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything!” yet “You’re narrow-minded if you don’t change your mindset to fit everyone else’s.” Whoa, slow down! Where do we even start?

For me, it’s all about a multi-pronged approach. I pray, listen to my heart, try to see the bigger picture, and seek knowledge—always in that order. I trust myself, but let’s be real, I don’t know everything, and I can’t navigate life’s challenges alone. When I feel that pressure or tension to believe something or act a certain way, I take a step back and ask, “Why?” Why am I feeling this way? This simple pause keeps me from rushing into conclusions or making impulsive decisions.

Here’s the thing: I think many of us adopt an idea and fiercely protect it before we’ve really researched or tested it. It’s human nature to want to feel confident and certain, but what if we took a moment to explore, question, and truly understand? That’s where real balance and growth begin.

At Psychology Compass I found how you have to Contradict yourself to become more open-minded

On Forbes, Dr. Alice G. Walton offers 7 Science-Backed Methods To Get You Out Of Your Head

On The Table’s YouTube channel, I found Changing Your Mind: Virtue or Vice.

So what happens when you find yourself in this overwhelming push/pull situation in your thinking? What causes it and how do we overcome it?

Fear of Making the “Wrong” Decision or Offending Others

The Issue:

• Many of us freeze at the thought of making a decision that might upset someone or turn out to be a mistake. This fear can be paralyzing, leading to second-guessing or endless deliberation.

How to Overcome It:

• Embrace the idea that no decision is ever truly final—most can be adjusted or revisited. Shift your mindset from “right vs. wrong” to “learning and growing.” Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for progress.

Being Stuck in Indecision Due to Conflicting Inner Voices

The Issue:

• One part of you says, “Stay safe and stick to what you know,” while another whispers, “Take a risk and explore new possibilities.” This inner tug-of-war can leave you immobilized.

How to Overcome It:

• Practice tuning into each voice without judgment. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst-case scenario? What’s the best-case scenario?” Write these down and weigh the options. Sometimes seeing your thoughts in writing can bring clarity.

Here are some more practical ways to break free:

1. Pause and Reflect Without Judgment

2. When faced with pressure or indecision, step back and take a breather. Don’t rush into action or self-criticism. Use simple tools like deep breathing, journaling, or a quiet walk to clear your head.

3. Set Boundaries: Know When to Listen and When to Step Away

4. Not every conversation or input requires your full engagement. If external opinions are overwhelming you, give yourself permission to politely step back. A simple, “Thank you for sharing—I need some time to think this through,” can go a long way.

5. Practice Mindful Decision-Making

6. Approach decisions with intentionality. Focus on what aligns with your values and goals rather than what pleases others. Break larger decisions into smaller steps to make them feel less daunting, and celebrate each small step forward.

CHALLENGE: Pause and reflect the next time you feel pulled in opposite directions—take a moment to tune into your heart, weigh your values, and explore new perspectives without judgment. Commit to standing firm in what matters most to you while staying open to growth, knowing that true balance is found in the space between.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are taking a deeper look at stress in an attempt to find our way back to peace. No matter what your level of stress is, everyone can benefit from a more peaceful existence because life can sometimes feel like an endless juggling act, and let’s be real—most of us are using bowling pins instead of tennis balls. Between the pressure to perform, the nagging feeling of not being good enough, and the constant stress of “adulting,” it’s no wonder so many of us are stuck in a cycle of burnout. But here’s the good news: there’s a way to hit the pause button, reclaim your peace, and rewrite the narrative playing in your head.

In this episode, we’re diving into how to manage stress, tackle the relentless inner critic, and embrace the idea that you’re not just “enough”—you’re extraordinary. We’ll explore why so many of us feel like we’re falling short, unpack the serious toll this mindset takes on our health, and share practical, empowering strategies to help you flip the script. Because let’s face it, you deserve to feel good about yourself—and that starts today. Ready? With peace being the ultimate destination, let’s chart a course offering valuable pitstops along the way.

Maybe you sometimes feel stress but not sure it’s all bad or that you suffer from too much stress. Maybe the word Peace conjures up tie-die an hemp necklaces instead of a tranquil existence. Let’s start with a few definitions to make sure we’re all on the same page:

Stress: a feeling of emotional strain and pressure that occurs when a person perceives an event as taxing or endangering their well-being.

Peace: freedom from disturbance; tranquility.

Ok, simple enough? Hardly.

At Healthline, I found Why Americans Are More Stressed Today Than They Were in the 1990s

Kira M. Newman helps us understand What to Do When You Never Feel Good Enough found on Greater Good

On Therapy in a Nutshell’s YouTube channel, I found, Stress, Anxiety, and Worry

Self-regulation tools can be divided into quick fixes for immediate relief and long-term health practices for sustained well-being.

• Quick Fixes: Excellent for acute stress or when you need fast relief.
• Long-Term Practices: Create a buffer against future stress and support sustained emotional balance.
• Integration: Use quick fixes during high-stress moments while building long-term habits for resilience.

Quick Fixes

These are tools you can use in the moment to calm stress or regain focus. While effective for immediate needs, they don’t address the underlying causes of dysregulation.

Deep Breathing

• Take 4-5 deep breaths, inhaling for a count of 4, holding for 4, and exhaling for 4.
• Quick relaxation of the nervous system.

5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique

• Identify 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste.
• Redirects focus and alleviates anxiety.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

• Tense and release muscle groups from head to toe.
• Relieves physical tension caused by stress.

Short Walk or Movement Break

• A brisk 5-10 minute walk outside or light stretching.
• Boosts mood by releasing endorphins and clearing the mind.

Journaling for 5 Minutes

• Write down your thoughts or worries.
• Provides mental clarity and emotional relief.

Mindful Distraction

• Engage in a quick, enjoyable activity like a puzzle or music.
• Offers temporary relief by shifting attention.

Long-Term Health Practices

These build resilience and create a foundation for improved self-regulation over time.

Mindfulness Meditation

• Commit to 10-20 minutes daily to cultivate present-moment awareness.
• Reduces stress and improves emotional regulation.

Exercise Routine

• Regular aerobic activity like walking, yoga, or cycling 3-5 times a week.
• Strengthens mind-body connection and releases stress-reducing chemicals.

Sleep Hygiene

• Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep with a consistent bedtime routine.
• Regulates mood, energy, and cognitive function.

Healthy Nutrition

• Focus on a balanced diet with whole foods, reducing caffeine and sugar.
• Supports mental clarity and stable energy levels.

Therapeutic Practices

• Engage in regular therapy, counseling, or self-reflection exercises.
• Addresses root causes of stress and emotional dysregulation.

Regular Gratitude Practice

• Write down 3 things you’re grateful for daily.
• Shifts perspective and fosters resilience.

Learning Emotional Regulation Skills

• Techniques like cognitive reframing or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).
• Provides tools to manage triggers and stress more effectively.

CHALLENGE: Start small. Identify one stressor in your life and address it with a calming technique we discussed, like deep breathing or reframing your thoughts. Then, commit to taking one small step toward asking for support or setting a boundary—because your peace is worth protecting.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are going beyond the discovery and exploring what an ongoing life of gratitude, looks like. We all know the buzz about finding gratitude—it’s like the self-help world’s holy grail. But let’s be real, what’s the point of finding something amazing if you don’t know how to hold onto it? It’s like finding the perfect snack in the pantry and then eating it all in one go—gone too soon! Gratitude shouldn’t be a one-hit wonder; it’s meant to be the background music of your life, playing on repeat.

In this episode, we’re diving into what happens after you find gratitude. How can you turn those fleeting “thank goodness” moments into a sustainable practice? What does it do for your day-to-day mood and the bigger picture of your life? And, most importantly, how can you live in gratitude rather than treating it like a magic wand you wave when things get rough?

Let’s explore how to make gratitude less of a to-do list item and more of a way of being—because a grateful heart isn’t just lighter, it’s stronger. Buckle up, this journey will leave you feeling uplifted and ready to embrace life’s magic, one thankful moment at a time!

So if I asked you, what is your gratitude practice, what would you say? Journaling, prayer, when someone reminds me, or only around the table one day of the year? Well, I might be all of the above. I do usually start a prayer with what I’m thankful for and I have been known to journal a gratitude list a time or two. I even have a group chat with some diligent members who prompt me to steer my morning in a thoughtful and thankful way. But how can we go from using gratitude as a quick fix to truly integrating it into their lives?

Sheldon Reid shares The Benefits of Gratitude and How to Practice It found in the Help Guide

John Bradley makes the connection between the transformative duo: Gratitude and Empathy: Cultivating Understanding and Compassion for Others. Found on Medium.

On Fearless Soul’s YouTube channel, I found Say "Thank You" - Motivation On The Importance Of Gratitude - what a nice and uplifting way to end.

Just like any good habit, gratitude requires intentionality and practice to turn it from a fleeting feeling into a lasting lifestyle. Here’s how you can build a gratitude practice that not only sticks but transforms the way you see the world:

1. Anchor Gratitude to Daily Habits

One of the easiest ways to make gratitude sustainable is to attach it to something you already do. For example:

• Morning Routine: Start each day by naming three things you’re grateful for before getting out of bed or while sipping your coffee.
• Mealtime: Reflect on what you’re grateful for as part of saying grace or a moment of mindfulness before eating.
• Evening Wind-Down: End the day with a gratitude journal entry or a quick reflection on the best part of your day.
• Practice Gratitude in Action

Gratitude is most powerful when it’s expressed, not just felt. Find ways to act on your gratitude:

• Write thank-you notes to people who’ve made a difference in your life, whether recently or years ago.
• Compliment someone genuinely and specifically—it could brighten their day and remind you of what you appreciate about others.
• Volunteer your time or donate to causes you’re passionate about as a way of giving back in gratitude.
• Incorporate Gratitude Into Challenges

Gratitude isn’t just for sunny days. It becomes truly transformative when applied during tough times. When faced with challenges:

• Look for the lesson or growth opportunity in the situation.
• Reflect on past difficulties and what they taught you.
• Focus on the support or resources you have to navigate the challenge.
• Surround Yourself with Gratitude Cues

Sometimes we need a little nudge to keep our gratitude practice on track. Set up reminders and cues in your environment:

• Place sticky notes with positive affirmations or gratitude prompts on your mirror, desk, or fridge.
• Use a gratitude app or set a daily reminder on your phone to pause and reflect.
• Display photos, keepsakes, or mementos that remind you of meaningful people, moments, or accomplishments.
• Create a Gratitude Accountability Partner

Everything’s more fun (and sustainable) with a buddy! Share your gratitude goals with a friend or family member and check in with each other regularly. This could be as simple as exchanging texts about what you’re grateful for or meeting up to talk about the positive things happening in your lives.

CHALLENGE: Gratitude isn’t just something you find—it’s something you live, and the real magic happens when you let it ripple through your thoughts, choices, and connections. Challenge yourself to go beyond fleeting moments of thankfulness and create a practice that transforms your perspective, strengthens your relationships, and fuels your joy every single day!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are building, belonging, and blooming together as we explore and celebrate, the value of community. When you think of the word ‘community,’ what comes to mind? Is it a neighborhood, a friend group, or maybe something you long for but haven’t found yet? If the self-proclaimed “loner” still needs to feel connected and supported. People need people. The popular song sheds some valuable insight: We're children, needing other children and yet letting a grown-up pride hide all the need inside.

So let’s talk about community—the people who lift you up, laugh at your bad jokes, and sometimes even remind you to take down your trash. Community isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a life-changing, soul-nourishing, growth-accelerating gift. Whether it’s your ride-or-die crew, a group of neighbors, or a virtual squad cheering you on from afar, we all need a tribe. Don’t have one? No problem! You can start your own—it’s easier than you think and way more fun than going it alone.

In this episode, we’ll explore why community matters, how to spot a good one (or a bad one), and how finding your people can help you truly bloom. Because life’s too short to be lonely—let’s build something beautiful together!

Jenny Anderson shares some advice on The only metric of success that really matters is the one we ignore found on Quartz

At Conscious Mommy I found Building a Conscious Village: Connection When You’re Feeling Lonely

On the Dare to Do YouTube channel, I found The Pencil's Tale - a story that everyone should hear

Ever got sucked into a toxic community? Detecting and avoiding a toxic community requires awareness of behaviors, patterns, and overall group dynamics. Here are some ways to identify and steer clear of toxic environments:

Signs of a Toxic Community

1. Lack of Respect or Boundaries:
2. Members disregard personal boundaries, gossip, or belittle others.
3. Communication is often passive-aggressive or openly hostile.
4. Negative Energy and Drama:
5. Frequent conflicts, constant complaints, or pervasive negativity dominate interactions.
6. People focus on tearing others down rather than lifting them up.
7. Exclusion and Cliques:
8. Some members are deliberately excluded, creating a sense of “in-group” versus “out-group.”
9. Newcomers or outsiders are treated with suspicion or disdain.
10. Excessive Control:
11. Leaders or prominent members exert control, demanding loyalty or conformity.
12. There is little room for differing opinions or individuality.
13. Unhealthy Competition:
14. Members are pitted against each other or judged based on unrealistic standards.
15. Success is envied rather than celebrated, fostering resentment.
16. Physical or Emotional Drain:
17. Interactions leave you feeling anxious, upset, or drained rather than supported or empowered.
18. A sense of obligation to stay outweighs genuine enjoyment.

How to Avoid or Leave Toxic Communities

• Set Personal Boundaries:
• Be clear about what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate. Practice saying no when necessary.
• Observe Before Joining:
• Take time to assess a group’s dynamics before committing. Observe how members treat one another and handle disagreements.
• Seek Positive Attributes:
• Look for communities with mutual respect, empathy, and inclusivity.
• Find groups that share your values and encourage growth.
• Reflect on How You Feel:
• Regularly evaluate how the community impacts your mental and emotional health. If it’s consistently negative, consider stepping away.
• Speak Up or Address Issues:
• If you’re invested in the group, try addressing the toxic behavior directly or with leaders. However, recognize when change is unlikely.
• Focus on Building or Joining Healthy Communities:
• Seek out groups aligned with your interests, where people share goals of positivity, support, and mutual respect.
• Consider starting your own community with values you prioritize, such as open communication and collaboration.

CHALLENGE: Step into the power of community by surrounding yourself with people who inspire, challenge, and uplift you—because the connections you nurture today will shape your happiness, health, and purpose tomorrow!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are exploring the power of influence, recognizing what shapes us, and taking back control. We have all been bombarded with messaging asking, begging, and sometimes coercing us to think, feel, and take action. Where do your own thoughts hide in the midst of such assaults? Influence as a pervasive force in our lives that can shape our choices, our mindset, and even our identity. It can feel like a current—sometimes it gently guides us, but other times it’s strong enough to sweep us off our feet. The key is in recognizing where influence is coming from and deciding how much power to give it. Let’s take a big breathe here and make a commitment to unpack, resort, and purge some influencing ideas that no longer serve us in a positive way.

Influence is more than just peer pressure; it’s subtle and can come from various sources—family, friends, social media, society, our inner dialogue, and even our environment.

• A close friend’s advice feels comforting but can sometimes lead you down their path instead of yours.
• Social media trends can push you to buy, think, or act in ways you normally wouldn’t.
• Influence of a mentor or a loved one can impactfully shape your values and ambitions.

Tyler Jensen, a psychotherapist, sheds some light on The Allure of Negativity: Why Our Brains Are Drawn to It

At Knowledge of Wharton, I found ‘Invisible Influence’: What Really Shapes Our Decisions, an interview with the author Jonah Berger

On Simon Sinek’s YouTube channel, as always, I found some wise words on How to Stop Holding Yourself Back

1. Develop Media Literacy and Mindful Consumption
2. Pause and Evaluate: Before you engage with media (whether it’s news, social media, or entertainment), take a moment to reflect on what you’re about to consume. Ask yourself why you’re choosing this source, and consider whether it aligns with your values or goals.
3. Question the Source: Develop a habit of asking, “Who created this, and what might be their motivation?” For example, consider whether a brand, influencer, or network could have hidden interests. Recognizing potential biases helps you stay in control of how you interpret information.
4. Limit Exposure to Influential Sources
5. Set Boundaries: If you notice certain media or social media accounts lead to self-doubt, stress, or unhealthy comparison, consider unfollowing, muting, or setting a time limit on those platforms.
6. Curate Positive Influences: Choose to follow people, brands, and organizations that support your goals, align with your values, and inspire you in constructive ways. Make it a rule to engage with content that adds positivity and growth to your life.
7. Strengthen Your Core Values
8. Define Your Values: Reflect on what’s truly important to you, whether it’s integrity, creativity, kindness, learning, or independence. When you have a solid sense of your core values, it becomes easier to recognize when outside influence aligns or conflicts with them.
9. Regularly Revisit Goals and Priorities: Set aside time each month to revisit your goals. Are you on track with what you want, or have you drifted because of external pressures? Realigning with your values keeps you grounded in your personal vision.
10. Practice Self-Questioning to Uncover Hidden Influence
11. Ask Yourself Key Questions:
    • “Why do I want to do this?” This question can help you determine if a choice truly aligns with your desires or if it’s an idea you’ve absorbed from others.
    • “How do I feel about this?” Checking in with your feelings lets you see if you’re enthusiastic, uneasy, or pressured—emotions that reveal whether your decision is authentic.
    • “What would I do if no one else were watching?” Imagine you’re free of anyone’s opinion or judgment to help identify choices that are truly your own.
12. Build Confidence in Your Own Voice
13. Challenge Yourself to Act on Your Opinions: Start with small decisions where you rely solely on your own thoughts. For example, choose an outfit based on your preference, pick a book that genuinely interests you, or make weekend plans based on what would make you happiest.
14. Engage in Conversations with an Open Mind: Practice sharing your perspective in discussions, even if it’s different from others. Engaging with diverse opinions while sticking to your viewpoint can help build resilience and confidence in your own voice.
15. Create a Supportive Inner Circle
16. Surround Yourself with Encouragers: Choose friends, mentors, and family members who respect your individuality and encourage you to make decisions that feel true to you. A supportive circle will uplift and validate you, rather than pressuring you to conform.
17. Find Accountability Partners: Identify someone who’s also working on taking control of their influences and check in with each other. Share your progress, any struggles, and celebrate wins together to help reinforce each other’s growth.
18. Practice Self-Compassion and Flexibility
19. Recognize that Influence is Natural: Understand that we’re all influenced by our environments. Self-compassion can prevent you from feeling guilty if you realize you’ve been swayed in a direction you didn’t want. Instead, view it as an opportunity to learn and readjust.
20. Be Open to Change: Sometimes, testing your perspective means you might genuinely change your opinion. That’s a sign of growth. The goal is to ensure that any changes reflect your evolving self rather than fleeting external pressures.

CHALLENGE: Remember, influence is a force we all experience, but it doesn’t have to control us. Recognize what’s guiding your path, decide what you want to allow in, and remember that you have the power to steer your own journey.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we will be navigating feelings as we try to find a balance between empathy and self-reflection. How are you feeling? How do those feelings impact another person’s feelings? Can you feel what another person is feeling? Are you as confused as I am by this line of questioning? Well, today, we’re diving into the world of feelings—yes, that deep, squishy part of being human! We live in a culture that champions the importance of respecting feelings, which is awesome…but sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our feelings that we forget to take a peek at the other side of the coin. What happens when we’re hyper-focused on our own emotions? Could we be missing out on understanding someone else’s? Let’s explore the fine art of balancing self-reflection with empathy, of making room for our own feelings and those of the people around us. It’s all about connecting, growing, and creating more ‘aha’ moments in our relationships—with a little bit of humor, honesty, and a lot of heart along the way!

When I was growing up, the question, ‘How do you feel?’ had a whole different vibe. It was usually about the basics—are you hot, cold, tired, or maybe just a little hungry? When it came to health, the answer was usually straightforward: sick or not. If you were really under the weather, maybe you’d get a day at home or a trip to the nurse’s office. Simple. But today, that question has become a lot more nuanced. Now, asking ‘How do you feel?’ can open up a world of responses, as unique and layered as each person who answers it.

Don’t get me wrong, a focus on exploring more about feelings has helped normalize mental health discussions, reduced stigma, and empowered people to speak openly about their struggles. It has illuminated the need for self-awareness, stress management, and setting boundaries. However, focusing too much on personal feelings can sometimes limit our ability to connect empathetically with others. It can even contribute to misunderstandings in relationships if one person is more focused on expressing their own feelings versus listening to understand someone else’s emotional struggles.

Ever heard of emotional myopia – when we see only our own emotional perspective and may inadvertently neglect the feelings of others?

Martha Beck starts this discussion with Seeing Your Emotional Blind Spots found on her blog

At Everyday Speach I found an angle we need to cover; Understanding Others: The Importance of Perspective-Taking

At the Worry Games, Lisa Branson shares another perspective on Why You Should Stop Focusing on Your Feelings

On TEDx Talks I found some wise information on Validation,and communication through Empathy by Naomi Feil

Recognizing when someone is playing on our emotions to push their own agenda can be tricky, but there are a few red flags that can help us stay aware:

1. Intense Emotional Appeal
2. If someone is leaning heavily into emotions—guilt, pity, anger, or fear—without much substance or reason behind it, it’s a sign they might be trying to sway you emotionally rather than engaging in a balanced conversation. Notice if they’re frequently amplifying emotional language or using words designed to make you feel extreme sympathy or urgency.
3. Lack of Listening and Empathy
4. People pushing an agenda will often avoid giving space to your feelings, opinions, or questions. If they dominate the conversation, rarely let you speak, or dismiss your perspective when you do, it’s a red flag. Genuine conversations include active listening; if it feels one-sided, trust that instinct.
5. Deflection and Manipulation of Responsibility
6. When you try to express your own emotions or viewpoints, do they quickly shift the topic back to their own concerns or play down your feelings? Manipulators often turn things around to make you feel responsible for their emotions, a tactic to keep the focus on themselves and their goals.
7. Inconsistent Narratives or Exaggerations
8. Listen for inconsistencies or exaggerated claims that don’t add up. Manipulators may bend the truth or overemphasize details to paint themselves in a certain light or to steer you toward a specific reaction. If something seems “off” or overly dramatic, trust your gut.
9. Pressure to Make Quick Decisions
10. People pushing an agenda often create a sense of urgency, pressuring you to act or decide quickly. They know that when we’re rushed, we’re less likely to question or analyze their motives. Pausing and asking for time to think it over is often the best way to get clarity.
11. Using Past Events as Emotional Leverage
12. Manipulators might bring up past events or your own vulnerabilities to make you feel indebted to them or guilty. They might even use their past generosity or sacrifices as leverage, nudging you to go along with their wishes. This type of guilt-tripping is a clear sign they’re trying to steer your emotions to benefit their narrative.
13. Trust Your Gut
14. Sometimes, the simplest way to recognize manipulation is by trusting your own feelings. If you feel drained, confused, or somehow “off” after talking with them, this might be your intuition signaling that their intentions aren’t fully in your best interest.

By keeping an eye out for these signs, you can protect your emotional space and engage with people on your own terms, setting boundaries and staying true to your values.

CHALLENGE: Look beyond your own feelings and consider the bigger picture—what are others experiencing, and how can you make space for that? By balancing self-reflection with empathy, you can create deeper, more meaningful connections that benefit everyone involved.

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On this show…we are exploring the shocking truth about how the media’s shock and awes keep us on high alert but in actuality, weaken our instincts. Have you ever heard of the tale of Henny Penny? It’s a classic Scandinavian folktale where a little chick named Henny Penny gets hit on the head by a falling acorn and panics, believing that the sky itself is falling. Determined to warn the king, Henny Penny sets off on a journey, gathering other animals along the way who are also swept up in the hysteria. However, they eventually meet a clever fox who pretends to join their mission but instead lures them to its den—where it ends up eating them all. And that’s the abrupt, cautionary end of their story! OUCH.

Ever feel like you’re bombarded with so much shocking news that it’s hard to know what’s an actual emergency? Kind of like poor Henny Penny, who thought the sky was falling over a little acorn! In this episode, we’re diving into what happens when the media’s constant “shock and awe” leaves us in a state of constant worry, always braced for disaster. We’ll explore how this can wear us down and dull our true instincts, and most importantly, we’ll uncover ways to take back our peace, sharpen our intuition, and add a little calm to our daily lives. Let’s get grounded and learn to spot the real acorns from the falling skies—no foxes allowed!

I could have started by pandering today’s headlines but to be honest, I didn’t want to throw any more fuel on the inferno. I also know it’s easy to look to a “simpler” past by saying, “Back in my day we had three channels….and you had to get up to turn them.” But that kind of angle isn’t going to grab the youth of today. So let’s just consult the hard-core facts. I wanted to look at a thirty-year span so we could see how our consumption in America has changed over the past three decades.

On the Cleveland Clinic’s website, I found information about the biology of Always on Alert: Causes and Examples of Hypervigilance

Carolyn L Todd gives us some Stressful News Cycle Tips: 13 Ways to Protect Your Mental Health found on Self

Over at Big Think’s YouTube channel, Alex Edmans helps you Improve your critical thinking skills in just 6 minutes

When we get used to constant alarming headlines and alerts, it can really mess with our ability to spot real danger when it actually matters. Here’s how:

1. Slower Response in Emergencies:
2. When we’re bombarded with “urgent” information all the time, we start tuning it out—even if it’s important. It’s like hearing a fire alarm but thinking, “Eh, probably another drill.” This can lead us to hesitate or ignore real emergencies, which can be risky in critical situations.
3. Difficulty Telling Real Risks from Fake Ones:
4. After a while, it becomes hard to figure out what’s an actual threat and what’s just noise. We might freak out over something minor but brush off something serious, which is not exactly ideal if we want to keep ourselves safe.
5. Health Burnout:
6. Constant alerts and stress keep us in a high-stress state, which isn’t good for anyone. When we’re always on edge, our bodies start to wear down—anxiety, high blood pressure, poor sleep, you name it. Eventually, we get so used to that stress that we become numb, and when something real happens, our bodies may not respond with the urgency we actually need.
7. Community Safety Slips:
8. Desensitization can even affect a whole community. If everyone starts to shrug off warnings, we can end up ignoring things like severe weather alerts or health warnings. This makes it easier for emergencies to do real damage because no one takes the steps they should to stay safe.
9. Weaker Instincts and Slower Decision-Making:
10. Constant worry over everything can mess with our survival instincts. When we’re overloaded, it becomes harder to think clearly and react quickly. We can lose that sharp sense of what’s actually dangerous and what’s not, which messes with our natural ability to make quick, smart choices.
11. More Apathy and Helplessness:
12. Ever feel like there’s just too much going on to make a difference? The more we’re bombarded by negativity, the more likely we are to feel helpless. And when that sets in, we’re less likely to step up when it actually counts or get involved in efforts that could make a positive change.
13. Normalizing Risky Behavior:
14. Over time, constant exposure to stories about danger or violence can make risky behavior seem normal. We might find ourselves being a bit too casual with things like safety precautions or risky habits because they don’t seem like a big deal anymore.

This desensitization isn’t just about personal safety—it affects whole communities. Breaking out of it means setting some boundaries on our media intake, staying connected to the present, and making a conscious effort to focus on what we can control. That way, we’re not only ready for real emergencies but also a lot less stressed out in general.

CHALLENGE: Break free from the echo chamber—take a step back, question your sources, and seek out new perspectives that might surprise you. By doing this, you’re empowering yourself to see the world in a fuller, richer way, staying curious, informed, and open-minded!

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On this show…we are embracing leadership as an attitude and not just as a title. Maybe you’re a CEO, VP, or Director and maybe you don’t hold a title at all. Either way, you are a leader. You don’t need a corner office or fancy title to lead; all you need is a little courage and a lot of self-belief. It’s all about finding your voice and stepping into your power, whether you’re running a team, working behind the scenes, or just navigating your everyday life. Leadership isn’t about calling the shots—it’s about taking charge of your journey, lifting others up, and being the CEO of your own story.

We’ll explore how you can lead from where you are and talk about how being the “entrepreneur” of your life means setting your own course. It’s time to ditch the idea that leadership is only for a select few—if you’ve got passion, purpose, and a willingness to grow, then congratulations, my friend—you’re already a leader!

For some people, taking charge comes easily. For me, it was inherent. I can remember times when I stepped up and took charge, times when I was asked, and times when it was assumed. I also remember times when it didn’t always go as planned. There are instances where I find comfort in mentoring and encouraging but not leading and other times where I purposely, take a back seat. What about you? Where are you most comfortable and where would you like to grow? Being a leader is about mindset, whether in a workplace, a community, or your personal life. Everyone has the potential to lead by finding their voice and taking control of their journey.

Matt Mayberry helps us understand that You Don’t Need to Be “the Boss” to Be a Leader found at the Harvard Business Review

Michelle Rees shows us How to Take Ownership of Your Life (and Get Everything You Want) found at Whole Life Challenge

Simon Sinek gives some valuable insight on What Makes a Leader Great? Found on his YouTube channel

Embracing an entrepreneurial spirit is all about thinking like a visionary, taking initiative, and having the courage to pursue new opportunities. Here are some ways to cultivate that mindset in your own life:

1. Adopt a Growth Mindset
2. Entrepreneurs are always learning. Instead of fearing failure, see it as a chance to grow. Every challenge or mistake is an opportunity to improve, and this mindset opens doors to new possibilities.
3. Take Initiative
4. Stop waiting for permission or perfect timing. Whether it’s in your job, personal life, or side projects, be proactive. Look for opportunities to lead, solve problems, or create something new. The entrepreneurial spirit thrives on taking action.
5. Set Big Goals and Break Them Down
6. Entrepreneurs dream big, but they know that success doesn’t happen overnight. Set ambitious goals, but break them into smaller, manageable steps. This keeps you focused and motivated while building momentum.
7. Be Comfortable with Risk
8. To think like an entrepreneur, you’ve got to get comfortable with uncertainty. Not every idea will succeed, and that’s okay. Take calculated risks, and view them as a necessary part of innovation and growth.
9. Get Creative with Problem-Solving
10. Entrepreneurs don’t just accept problems—they find creative solutions. Train yourself to think outside the box. When something doesn’t go according to plan, instead of throwing in the towel, ask yourself, “What’s another way to approach this?”
11. Embrace Failure as a Learning Experience
12. Entrepreneurs see failure as feedback. Don’t let setbacks stop you—learn from them. Whether it’s a botched presentation or a business idea that didn’t take off, each “failure” is a stepping stone toward success.
13. Network and Collaborate
14. Entrepreneurs know the power of connection. Surround yourself with people who inspire you, challenge you, and push you to be better. Collaboration sparks new ideas and can lead to exciting opportunities.
15. Stay Flexible and Adaptable
16. The entrepreneurial spirit thrives on flexibility. Be willing to pivot when things change or new opportunities arise. If plan A doesn’t work, entrepreneurs are already thinking of plan B (and C, and D).
17. Cultivate Passion and Purpose
18. Entrepreneurship isn’t just about making money—it’s about passion. Find what excites you and pursue it with enthusiasm. Having a sense of purpose fuels persistence and keeps you going even when the road gets tough.
19. Celebrate Small Wins
20. Entrepreneurship is a journey, and it’s important to celebrate the milestones along the way. Recognize your progress, no matter how small, because it keeps you motivated and energized for the bigger goals ahead.

CHALLENGE: It’s time to step up and take charge—be the leader of your own life by finding your voice, embracing risks, and turning challenges into opportunities. Remember, leadership is an attitude, not a title, and you have the power to create the path you want!

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On this show…we are making the effort to get beyond the offense as we seek the power of perspective. Are you quick to react and to respond, in hindsight, before you have all the information or fully understand the intent of the question or comment? This might be a hard question to answer most of this behavior is automatic and without prior thought. Reactive behavior often refers to an immediate response to feelings about an uncontrollable situation, a problem, or other issue. Being easily offended can often shut down meaningful dialogue and block personal growth. We’ve all been there, whether it’s an offhanded comment or even something that feels more intentional and targeted. Think back to an instance you’ve faced. Did you react in a way that kept the dialogue going, asking good questions to understand the comment or question fully? Or, did you respond quickly, maybe even aggressively, shutting it down and removing yourself from the equation? Either way, let’s broaden our thinking as we focus on how reactionary offense often overlooks the context, intent, or deeper meaning behind someone’s words or actions. Instead of retreating into defensiveness, we’ll approach differing views with curiosity and openness, maintaining confidence in our own beliefs while seeking to understand the other side.

Whether you’re discussing religion, politics, or any number of social issues, today feels like we have adopted an us versus them mindset. We’ve heard terms like, you either stand for something or you stand for nothing, or you’re either with us or against us. This tension is perpetuated by the media leading the listener to choose sides of this camp vs that camp. Each camp remains in a bubble of its own ideas, searching for members that agree, and content that aligns. Once your line has been drawn then any opinion that differs is quickly discounted or worse, labeled as conspiracy. Ouch. With this system, how can you possibly learn and grow?

So let’s dig into some of these ideas and find strategies to avoid feeling personally attacked and instead focus on understanding where the other person is coming from. To understand why it’s important to leave room for others to express themselves imperfectly, and how patience can lead to deeper understanding. To find common ground and how you can transform conversations from an “us vs. them” mindset into opportunities for connection and growth. And to explore how having confidence in your own beliefs, while staying open to new perspectives, can lead to personal and relational evolution. We better get started!

Bernard J. Luskin kicks it off with The Media Psychology of Gaslighting and Social Change found at Psychology Today

Tony Fahkry shares some ideas around: When We Are Easily Offended, We Close The Door To True Understanding, found on his blog

Ella Powell discusses this very thing in her article; Challenging Opinions Important for Productive Discourse found on the Oberlin Review

Simon Sinek asks you to Try THIS the Next Time You Have an Uncomfortable Conversation, found on his YouTube channel

Transforming conversations from an “us vs. them” mindset into opportunities for connection and growth requires deliberate strategies that foster mutual understanding and respect. Here are some effective strategies for finding common ground:

1. Shift from Debate to Dialogue
2. Focus on conversation, not competition: Instead of trying to “win” or prove your point, approach the discussion as an exchange of ideas where both parties can learn something new. This mindset change encourages openness.
3. Ask more questions: Engage with genuine curiosity. By asking, “Can you explain more about how you see this?” you demonstrate a willingness to understand, not just argue.
4. Identify Shared Values or Goals
5. Highlight common interests: Look for areas where both parties agree, even if you differ on how to achieve them. For example, if discussing a divisive issue like policy, you might say, “It sounds like we both care about improving our community, even if we see different paths to get there.”
6. Focus on universal values: Appeal to values that resonate with everyone, such as fairness, respect, or safety. These can act as touchpoints to ground the conversation in shared human concerns.
7. Acknowledge Valid Points on Both Sides
8. Validate where appropriate: Acknowledging that the other person’s perspective has merit can diffuse tension and promote connection. For instance, “I can see why you’d feel that way because…” This shows respect for their viewpoint and encourages reciprocity.
9. Recognize complexity: Instead of viewing issues as black-and-white, admit that most topics have nuances. Phrases like, “This is a complex issue, and I see how different experiences could lead to different perspectives,” can open the door to finding middle ground.
10. Practice Active Listening
11. Listen to understand, not to respond: Make sure the other person feels heard by fully focusing on what they’re saying instead of planning your rebuttal. You could restate their points to confirm understanding, like, “So what I’m hearing is…”
12. Pause before responding: Give yourself a moment to process what’s been said before reacting. This helps prevent defensive replies and keeps the conversation thoughtful.
13. Humanize the Other Side
14. Personal stories over abstract arguments: Ask the other person to share personal experiences that shaped their beliefs. Stories make abstract issues feel real and relatable, fostering empathy. Sharing your own experiences can also make your stance more approachable.
15. Find out more about their background: By asking, “What experiences have led you to that belief?” you create an environment where personal stories reveal why they think the way they do. This helps you understand their perspective on a deeper level.
16. Reframe the Conflict as a Problem to Solve Together
17. Collaborate, don’t compete: Position the conversation as a joint effort to find solutions. Instead of arguing for individual positions, ask, “What do you think would be a good way to move forward that addresses both of our concerns?”
18. Use inclusive language: Say “we” and “us” instead of “you” and “them” to remind the other person that you’re both part of the same larger community or working toward a similar goal.
19. Challenge Assumptions, Not Identities
20. Focus on ideas, not people: When disagreements arise, critique the ideas or behavior, not the person. Avoid phrases that target identity or values, such as “You’re wrong” or “You always think like that,” and instead say, “This particular idea doesn’t resonate with me because…”
21. Avoid stereotyping: Refrain from making assumptions about the other person’s entire belief system based on one viewpoint. Ask clarifying questions to understand the specific nuance behind their opinion.
22. Create a Safe Space for Vulnerability
23. Set a respectful tone: Set ground rules for the conversation, ensuring that both parties feel safe to express their views without fear of ridicule. “I want this to be a space where we can explore ideas respectfully. Let’s try to focus on understanding each other.”
24. Admit when you’re wrong: If you realize you’ve made a mistake or misunderstood something, admit it openly. This encourages the other person to do the same, making it easier to reach common ground.
25. Look Beyond the Surface Conflict
26. Ask “why” to get to deeper concerns: Instead of fixating on surface-level disagreements, probe deeper. Ask, “Why does this matter so much to you?” Often, the underlying concern is something more universal, like security, belonging, or fairness, which can help bridge gaps.
27. Avoid binary thinking: When discussing divisive issues, don’t frame the conversation as one person being right and the other wrong. Acknowledge that multiple perspectives can coexist and that it’s possible to hold differing views without being enemies.
28. End on a Positive Note
29. Agree to disagree, respectfully: If the conversation doesn’t result in full agreement, that’s okay. It’s important to acknowledge and respect differences while maintaining civility. Ending with, “I appreciate hearing your thoughts, and even though we don’t fully agree, I value this conversation,” preserves the relationship.
30. Summarize what you agree on: Before wrapping up, highlight any common points you’ve found. “So we both agree that [shared value], even if we see it differently, that’s a great starting point.”

Bonus Tip: Approach With Humility

• Be willing to learn: Embrace the mindset that every conversation is an opportunity for growth, not a battlefield. Accept that your understanding could evolve through dialogue and be open to revising your views when presented with compelling information or new perspectives.

CHALLENGE: move beyond offense and embrace conversations as opportunities for growth. By listening with curiosity and seeking common ground, you can transform conflict into connection and open the door to deeper understanding.

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On this show…we are exploring how to create happiness within ourselves, how to respect others’ happiness without trying to control it (because let’s face it, that never works), and how to build a collective happiness that lifts us all up. If someone asked you, “Are you happy?”, what would your answer be? Does it depend on the time of day, what’s happening in the world, or another person? It’s ok to take a multi-pronged approach to answering that question because happiness is something we create within ourselves, respect others, and develop collectively. Because let’s be real: happiness is a tricky thing to pin down, isn’t it? We all want it, but sometimes we’re so busy trying to make everyone else happy that we forget to take care of our own. So whether you’re a self-proclaimed people-pleaser, someone who’s learning to set healthy boundaries, or just figuring out what makes you smile, I’ll find something for you. Let’s get real about what happiness is, what it isn’t, and how we can all be a little happier together. Deal?

I started this study with some definitions that felt more like peeling an onion. Define happiness: the state of being happy. Ok, I should have seen that one coming. Define happy: feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Pleasure and contentment seem like two different things so let's find out. Define pleasure: (disclaimer here….the definition of this one definitely differs by who you ask so proceed with caution) a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. Hmmm we may need to come back to those but I think I am seeing a common thread because satisfaction and contentment might be the same as pleasure and enjoyment. Define contentment: a state of happiness and satisfaction. And we’re on a loop. Looks like we need to jump off and take it from here.

If I answered the aforementioned question “Are you happy?” I could honestly answer yes! I am happy. Of course, I have days of dissatisfaction and discontent but overall, I’m extremely happy. Throughout my life, my happiness has been tangled in a messy pile of yours, mine, and ours. I believed my happiness was directly tied to or a result of someone else’s happiness. Like we all have to get there together or not at all, that weakened my happiness but never depleted it. Once I was able to work through the tangle and untie the knots, I had a clear path to my own happiness. I’ve said it before but it bears repeating: your day starts and ends with you. YOUR day starts and ends with YOU. You have the power to find happiness and let joy explode or….well fill in the blank here. Anything that is the opposite of happiness and joy needs to be a temporary state that you are currently working your way out of.

So let’s get started!

At I’m Calming the F#ck Down website I found a good start to start dissecting YOURS, MINE, AND OURS; MANAGING EXPECTATIONS

Jennifer Williams from Heartmanity helps Create a Healthy and Happy Life with Effective Boundaries

On Big Think’s YouTube channel I found some really important insight on How to be happier in 5 steps with zero weird tricks | Laurie Santos

Here are some practical ways to check in with yourself to make sure you’re focusing on your own happiness and not overly tied to someone else’s:

1. Ask Yourself, “How Am I Feeling Today?”

Why it works: Start by tuning into your own emotions regularly. It’s easy to get swept up in how others feel, but this question grounds you in your own experience. Make it a habit to check in with your emotions at different times of the day.

What to notice: Are you feeling anxious or down, but don’t know why? This could be a sign you’re too focused on someone else’s mood or well-being.

1. Check if You’re Overthinking Someone Else’s Problems

Why it works: It’s natural to care about others, but if you find yourself constantly thinking about how to fix or solve their issues, it might be a red flag that you’re neglecting your own.

What to ask yourself: “Is this my responsibility?” or “Have I taken on more than I should?” This helps you draw healthy boundaries between what’s yours to carry and what’s not.

1. Assess Your Day-to-Day Choices

Why it works: Look at your daily decisions—what you eat, how you spend your time, and what you prioritize. Are you making choices based on what truly makes you happy, or are you trying to please or accommodate someone else?

What to ask yourself: “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I think it will make someone else happy?” If it’s always the latter, it’s time to reevaluate.

1. Reflect on Your Motivations

Why it works: Before you take action, pause and ask yourself why you’re doing it. This practice helps you distinguish between acting out of genuine desire versus trying to keep someone else happy.

What to ask yourself: “Am I doing this because it aligns with my values and happiness, or because I’m afraid of disappointing someone?”

1. Set Small, Personal Goals

Why it works: Focusing on small, personal goals that bring you joy will help you stay centered on your own happiness. These goals don’t need to be big—they can be as simple as setting aside time for a hobby or practicing self-care.

What to notice: If your goals are always centered on someone else’s well-being or approval, it’s a sign you need to focus more on yourself.

1. Create Boundaries Around “Emotional Giving”

Why it works: If you’re constantly giving emotional support but feeling drained, it’s a signal that you may be overextending yourself. Setting boundaries helps prevent emotional burnout.

What to ask yourself: “Am I emotionally giving to the point where it’s depleting me?” and “How can I offer support without sacrificing my own happiness?”

1. Observe Your Reactions to Others’ Moods

Why it works: Notice how much your mood is influenced by others. If someone else’s bad day instantly brings you down, you may be tying your emotions too closely to theirs.

What to ask yourself: “Is my mood changing because of something going on with me, or am I picking up on someone else’s feelings?” This helps you create emotional distance and recognize that their mood doesn’t need to dictate yours.

1. Track When You Say “Yes”

Why it works: If you’re always saying “yes” to requests without considering your own needs, it’s a sign that you’re prioritizing someone else’s happiness over your own.

What to ask yourself: “Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to, or am I afraid of letting someone down?” Learning to say no helps you honor your own boundaries and happiness.

1. Spend Time Alone to Recharge

Why it works: Time alone allows you to reconnect with your own needs and desires. It helps you break free from the constant influence of others and check in with what really makes you happy.

What to do: Engage in solo activities you enjoy—reading, going for a walk, or meditating. Ask yourself during this time, “What do I need right now?”

1. Examine How You Handle Disagreement

Why it works: If you avoid conflict or disagreement because you don’t want to upset someone, it might be a sign you’re putting their happiness before your own.

What to ask yourself: “Am I being true to myself, or am I just trying to keep the peace?” Standing up for your own needs, even when it’s uncomfortable, is key to maintaining your happiness.

1. Notice When You Feel Guilt

Why it works: Guilt can be a sign that you’re too focused on someone else’s happiness. If you feel guilty for choosing your own joy or saying no to someone, it’s time to reflect.

What to ask yourself: “Why do I feel guilty? Am I doing something wrong, or am I just putting myself first for a change?”

1. Celebrate Your Own Wins

Why it works: Take time to celebrate your personal achievements and milestones, no matter how small. This reminds you that your happiness doesn’t have to be tied to anyone else’s.

What to do: At the end of each day or week, list out things you did for yourself—anything from completing a task to taking a moment of self-care. Recognize that you deserve happiness and fulfillment independent of others.

CHALLENGE: Reclaim your happiness and make it your own! Challenge yourself to focus on what truly brings you joy, while letting go of the need to control or depend on someone else’s happiness—because when you’re thriving, you inspire others to do the same.

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are exploring a love without ‘ifs as we calculate the ROI of unconditional giving. Have you ever delivered or been delivered an ultimatum when it comes to love? “I will love you IF….”? How did that make you feel? Well welcome to a conversation that flips the script on giving! Let’s dive into why giving to get will leave your ROI completely upside down. We’ll be exploring the power of unconditional giving—no strings attached, no hidden agendas. It’s all about the deep, soul-level rewards that come when we stop expecting anything in return. After all, love doesn’t come with “ifs” or conditions. So, let’s break down why the best payoffs come when you’re not even looking for one—and why giving with no expectations just might be the ultimate life hack! As someone who had to learn the hard way that caring and controlling aren’t the same thing, this concept didn’t come naturally to me. When you struggle with people-pleasing, loving with conditions can feel like second nature. Even when you think you’re giving love without expecting anything in return, it doesn’t take long before you realize that, deep down, you’re still craving validation. It’s a sneaky little expectation that can undermine the whole point of unconditional love. Don’t worry, it may feel a bit like splitting hairs but when the revelation of the difference hits your “over the rim” thinking, a new perspective will open up an exciting new path with soul-nurturing payoffs! A people pleaser can easily mistake care for controlling behavior because, on the surface, both can seem driven by kindness or concern for others. However, the difference lies in the motivation and expectations behind the actions. When you’re genuinely caring, you offer support, love, or help without expecting anything in return. You’re tuned in to the needs of others and respect their autonomy. On the other hand, when care becomes controlling, it’s often about managing outcomes—trying to influence someone’s behavior or decisions to get validation, maintain approval, or reduce anxiety. For a people pleaser, this fine line is crossed when the focus shifts from simply caring for someone to subtly manipulating situations in order to keep peace, avoid conflict, or secure affection. It’s when you’re doing things to make yourself feel better rather than genuinely considering what’s best for the other person. The key difference is intention: caring allows for freedom, while controlling is about managing outcomes for your own comfort. Recognizing when your help is tied to your own emotional needs or expectations can help you avoid crossing that line. To test yourself and keep your behavior in check when navigating the line between caring and controlling, try these strategies: 1. Ask “Why am I doing this?”

Before you take action, pause and check your motives. Are you offering help because the other person truly needs it, or are you seeking validation or approval? If your reason is more about easing your own discomfort, it may be a sign of control. 1. Let go of the outcome

Caring means allowing the other person to choose how they respond, even if the outcome isn’t what you want. If you feel anxious about not getting the “right” response, it’s time to step back and reassess whether you’re trying to control the situation. 1. Give people space to fail

Real care respects others’ autonomy and their right to make mistakes. If you feel compelled to step in to “fix” everything, you might be more focused on controlling than supporting. Let them handle it, even if it means learning from failures. 1. Practice active listening

When you’re in people-pleasing mode, you might jump to offer solutions without really hearing what the other person needs. Slow down, listen fully, and ask if they actually want your help before offering it. 1. Set boundaries—for yourself

Boundaries aren’t just for others; you need them too! Notice when you’re over-extending yourself to meet someone else’s needs, and check if you’re doing so out of a genuine desire or a need to feel validated. 1. Check for resentment

If you find yourself feeling resentful or disappointed when your efforts aren’t acknowledged or appreciated, it’s a red flag. True care is given freely, without strings. If resentment creeps in, it’s a sign you may be attaching conditions to your giving. 1. Reflect on past patterns

Take time to reflect on situations where you’ve felt drained or frustrated in your efforts to help. Did you expect something in return, even if it was just gratitude or validation? Recognizing these patterns can help you stay aware in the future. By regularly using these self-checks, you’ll be able to identify when you’re slipping into controlling behavior and steer back toward healthy, unconditional care. Shikha Rastogi arms us with Conditional vs. Unconditional Love: How to Tell the Difference found at the Emotional Intelligence MagazineJason Merchey shares Altruism in Action: Helping Others is a Virtue found at Values of the WiseOver on Evan Carmichael’s YouTube channel, I found some unexpected advice from Warren Buffett on the Key to Life. CHALLENGE: Give love and care without expecting anything in return—start with small acts and watch how they transform not only the people around you, but also your own sense of fulfillment. Let go of control, embrace genuine compassion, and see how unconditional giving becomes the ultimate reward! I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are simplifying life beyond the details as we zoom out to see the bigger picture. Having a hard time seeing the forest for the trees? Caught up in the minutia of life and never feel like you truly have a grasp on what’s important? Life often gets overwhelming when we get caught up in the small details—stress, distractions, and the constant busyness of our day-to-day. But when we step back, we realize that what truly matters is simple: connections, purpose, and personal growth. We’ll explore how shifting our focus from the non-essentials to the bigger picture brings clarity, peace, and a deeper sense of fulfillment. Let’s dive into ways to refocus, simplify, and see life for what it really is—a series of meaningful moments and lessons. I think this kind of perspective isn’t always easy to obtain, and maybe that’s on purpose. I mean, if you were always able to see the bigger picture would you even recognize that it IS in fact the bigger picture? Harlan Ellison said, "Without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty". They say hindsight is 20/20 meaning it's easier to understand something after it has already happened. So what should this big-picture thinking do to you today? It helps you in everyday life by giving you more clarity and a better perspective. Instead of getting stuck on the little things that go wrong, it helps you focus on what really matters. It makes it easier to handle daily stress because you’re not sweating the small stuff. You start to prioritize what’s important, making choices that align with your bigger goals. It helps you stay focused on the long run and see challenges as just part of the process. In the end, it keeps you grounded and helps you live more intentionally. I don’t know about you…but I want more of that! Techlyticaly helps us challenge this thinking with Seeing Things Differently: How Perspective Changes Everything found on LinkedinPatrick Buggy offers some inspiring ideas on What to do When You Feel Stuck in a Rut found at Mindful AmbitionsOn Lena Samford’s blog, I found some more ideas about How to See the Bigger PictureOn the Art of Movement’s YouTube channel, I found 20 Things Most People Learn Too Late In Life Here are some effective visioning exercises to help broaden your thinking: 1. Future Self Visualization: Close your eyes and imagine your life five or ten years from now. Picture where you are, what you’re doing, and how you feel. Write down the details to clarify your goals and aspirations. 2. Mind Mapping: Start with a central idea or goal and branch out with related concepts, tasks, or dreams. This visual representation can help you see connections and generate new ideas. 3. Journaling: Dedicate time each week to write about your thoughts, dreams, and experiences. Reflecting on your journey can reveal patterns and insights about your bigger picture. 4. Vision Board Creation: Collect images, quotes, and symbols that represent your goals and dreams. Arrange them on a board to create a visual reminder of what you aspire to achieve. 5. Role-Playing Scenarios: Imagine how you would approach specific situations or challenges as your future self. This can help you think more creatively about solutions and opportunities. 6. Goal Setting Retreat: Take a day or weekend away from your usual environment to focus solely on your long-term vision. Set aside time for brainstorming, reflecting, and planning. 7. Reverse Engineering: Start with your end goal and work backward. Outline the steps needed to achieve it, identifying potential obstacles and resources along the way. 8. Gratitude Reflection: Regularly reflect on what you’re grateful for in your life. This can help you recognize the bigger picture of your journey and motivate you to continue pursuing your dreams. 9. Group Brainstorming: Collaborate with others to discuss ideas and visions. Diverse perspectives can spark new thoughts and help you see possibilities you hadn’t considered. 10. Meditative Reflection: Spend time in meditation focused on your goals and dreams. Quieting your mind can help clarify what truly matters to you and expand your vision.

CHALLENGE: Don’t let the small stuff keep you stuck—challenge yourself to step back, broaden your perspective, and see the bigger picture. By shifting your focus, you’ll find clarity, purpose, and the freedom to pursue what truly matters in your life. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are hopefully going to come to the realization that you don’t have to choose just one path in life but you can explore multiple passions and always reinvent yourself. When was the first time someone asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up? Four or five? As if you even know there were a varied array of options at that age not to mention what you were even capable of. Fast forward, are you there yet? You don’t have to stick to just one path in life—explore your passions and embrace the idea of doing more than one thing! Whether it’s pursuing a new interest, changing careers, or adding a side project, you can always reinvent yourself. It’s never too late to grow, learn, and discover new opportunities that align with who you are today.

My earliest memory was somewhere before age five and I wanted to be an actress. My parents recorded me saying that I wanted to be this because I had a long, red, sparkly dress. I must have just watched a red carpet awards show or something. Even though I did end up doing a variety of plays, a little modeling, and some B-rated promo videos I am not an actress. Then in High School, I watched a lot of People’s Court and thought I wanted to be a lawyer which is funny since they represent themselves but I’m not, a lawyer. My Dad thought I should be a nurse because I love people and am so encouraging. Even though I’m a Grey’s Anatomy junkie I am not, a nurse. My first-grade teachers and every teacher thereafter said I talk too much…ding ding, I am in sales, marketing, and public speaking. But that’s not all I do.

Today I’m a life, recovery, and career coach, a VP of operations, I run support groups, am a motivational speaker, a Hospice volunteer, a CEO mentor, a Woman in Business, and an avid crocheter who also loves to sew! I love a lot of things and feel I’m good at a lot of things and there are days were I’m still answering that question; of what I want to be when I grow up.

Maybe you’re just getting started. Maybe you’re at a crossroads and looking for something different, or maybe it’s all in your rearview mirror and you’re ready for phase 2.

I say follow your curiosity and create a life that reflects all the things you’re passionate about. There’s no limit to what you can do!

Irina Cozma asks and offers answers on Values, Passion, or Purpose — Which Should Guide Your Career? Found on the Harvard Business Review

Kathy Caprino says Stop Searching For Career Passion -- You Won't Find It That Way found at Forbes

Kirsty Perrin is the Director at The Winning Edge Mindset and gave a Ted Talk on How you can reinvent yourself for success.

Uncovering your passions is an exciting journey of self-discovery! Here are some strategies to help you find what truly excites you:

• Reflect on what energizes you: Think about activities, conversations, or tasks that make you feel alive, focused, or fulfilled. What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
• Revisit childhood interests: Sometimes the things we loved as children hold clues to our true passions. Did you love art, building things, or exploring nature? Rediscover those activities.
• Experiment and explore: Try new things—take up hobbies, join classes, or attend workshops. The more you expose yourself to different experiences, the more likely you are to find something that resonates.
• Identify your strengths: What do others often praise you for? Your natural talents can offer insights into what you enjoy and excel at, leading you toward activities you’re passionate about.
• Pay attention to curiosity: Notice what topics or activities you feel curious about or want to learn more about. Follow your curiosity—it’s often a sign that something could be a passion.
• Consider your values: Reflect on what matters most to you—helping others, creativity, adventure, or learning? Your passions are often aligned with your core values.
• Ask yourself questions: What do you find yourself daydreaming about? What would you do if money were no object? What problems in the world do you feel drawn to solve?
• Talk to others: Connect with people who are passionate about different things. Their enthusiasm can spark ideas and inspire you to explore areas you hadn’t considered before.
• Take note of your flow moments: When do you lose track of time because you’re so immersed in what you’re doing? These “flow” moments are often indicators of passion.

CHALLENGE: You have the power to shape your potential—challenge your self-talk and start believing in your ability to grow, learn, and take on new opportunities. Push past limiting thoughts and take bold action today; you’re capable of far more than you think!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we unleash our instincts and seize the moment as we find our voice and speak our truth. How many moments have passed you by? Has the cat got your tongue as you overanalyzed a situation instead of acting on impulse? That is time you can’t get back and possibilities that will never be. Life’s too short to hold back. Acting on instinct and speaking your truth in the moment is about embracing the now, not waiting for the ‘perfect’ time. When you trust your gut and say what you mean, you create real connections, take bolder actions, and live more authentically. Time is precious, and we don’t always get second chances to express how we feel or take that leap. It’s about being brave, trusting yourself, and seizing every opportunity before it slips away.

What is holding you back? Have you ever stepped back and widened your perspective to better understand why you second-guess yourself? No really, it is that easy. So many times we act or don’t act but never question why. You aren’t a robot programmed by someone else. You have complete power and if you don’t, it’s time to take it back. Operating on instinct does not mean operating on auto-pilot. It means when you feel led to act…act. If you don’t trust yourself to take that kind of quick action then there is something there that needs our attention.

Overcoming self-doubt is key to acting on instinct and truly seizing the moment. We often second-guess ourselves, waiting until we feel “ready,” but the truth is, there’s no perfect time. Self-doubt holds us back from expressing what’s in our hearts and taking bold steps forward. When you push past those doubts and trust yourself, you unlock the power to act with confidence and authenticity. It’s about realizing that your voice matters, your instincts are valid, and every moment you hesitate is a moment missed. Let’s dive into this topic so we can reach a level of trust with yourself because you’re more capable than you think.

Joe Costello asks, What's Holding You Back? - found on LinkedIn

On Mel Robbin's YouTube channel, I found so important tips on - What's The Quickest Way To Success? Ending This One Habit | Mel Robbins

At My Saltwater Skyline I found Time is Precious: Making the Most of Each Moment

Building trust in yourself is about developing confidence in your abilities, decisions, and instincts. It’s a process that takes time, self-awareness, and practice. Here are some steps to help you build that self-trust:

1. Keep Promises to Yourself: Start by setting small, achievable goals and following through with them. Whether it’s sticking to a daily habit or completing a task, honoring your commitments to yourself builds self-trust over time.
2. Acknowledge Your Strengths: Reflect on what you’re good at. Make a list of your strengths, skills, and past accomplishments. Recognizing your capabilities reinforces the belief that you can handle future challenges.
3. Learn from Mistakes, Don’t Dwell on Them: Mistakes are inevitable, but instead of beating yourself up, see them as learning opportunities. When you accept that errors are part of growth, it helps you feel more comfortable taking risks and trusting your judgment.
4. Be Decisive: Practice making decisions without overanalyzing or seeking constant reassurance from others. Trusting yourself in small decisions helps you build confidence for bigger ones. Even if the outcome isn’t perfect, you’ll learn that you can handle it.
5. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially during tough times. Self-criticism erodes self-trust, while self-compassion fosters a sense of security in your ability to handle whatever comes your way.
6. Honor Your Values: Stay true to what matters to you. When your actions align with your core values, it reinforces your belief in yourself and gives you a clear sense of direction.
7. Listen to Your Instincts: Begin trusting your gut feelings. Acting on small intuitive decisions builds a sense of self-reliance. The more you follow your instincts, the more confidence you’ll gain in their accuracy.
8. Set Boundaries: Protect your energy and well-being by setting boundaries with others. This shows that you respect your own needs, reinforcing that you can rely on yourself to prioritize your well-being.
9. Celebrate Progress: Recognize and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Each time you succeed or make a positive decision, it strengthens your belief in yourself.
10. Surround Yourself with Positivity: Surround yourself with people who support and believe in you. Positive reinforcement from others helps boost your self-confidence and trust in your abilities.

Building trust in yourself is about consistently showing up for yourself, learning from the journey, and practicing self-kindness. As you cultivate this self-trust, you’ll become more confident in your decisions and actions.

CHALLENGE: Trust your gut, take that leap, and let those small actions build into something amazing. Stop waiting—seize the moment, follow your instincts, and watch how those every day wins turn into something life-changing.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are exploring the science behind joy and how to cultivate it as we strive to understand happiness. You might have figured out by now that it isn’t always as easy as turning that frown upside down and faking it until you make it, can involve a lot of lying and manipulation, leading to dishonesty with yourself. Finding happiness isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about living a fulfilling life. Understanding what truly makes us happy helps us navigate the ups and downs, making every day a bit brighter. By exploring the science of happiness, we can learn practical ways to cultivate joy and contentment in our lives. It’s not about chasing some perfect, blissful state; it’s about finding what really matters to us and making space for it. And when we do that, not only do we feel better, but we also become better equipped to handle whatever life throws our way. So let’s dive into what happiness really means and how we can all bring a little more of it into our lives! By now you’ve figured out, I’m a pretty positive person. But it’s a choice and not something that has always come easily. I’ve had my share of strife, complex challenges, and downright trauma but I chose not to live there. You’re right, that’s not as easy as it sounds either. To overcome and move on, I had to come face to face with any and all challenges, take personal responsibility, offer myself forgiveness, and decide to let it go in order to move on. Now that’s a journey but the learning is important and the freedom it provides, is priceless. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get down or have off days. A good 24 hour pity party can be as detoxing as a super cleanse but I don’t stay there. A therapist once said it’s ok to invite sadness in, even to let it stay awhile, but then you have to be willing to ask it to leave. It’s hard to recognize or be grateful for happiness without a bit of suffering so we will have to cover both sides of the coin. Dr. Nicole Celestine helps us understand The Science of Happiness in Positive Psychology 101 - found at Positive Psychology On the Absolute Motivation’s YouTube channel, I found Jim Carrey - How To Find Happiness In Life | A Chilling SpeechTerri Kozlowski shares some strategies around how to Take Responsibility To Edit Your Life And Practical Ways To Do It - found on LinkedIn Joy, like other emotions, is a complex interplay of neurological, psychological, and social factors. Here’s a breakdown of the science: 1. Neurology of Joy * Dopamine Release: Joy is closely linked to the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays a significant role in our reward system. When we experience something pleasurable or rewarding, dopamine is released, making us feel good. * Endorphins: These are the body’s natural painkillers and stress relievers. They are released during activities like exercise, laughter, or even eating certain foods, contributing to feelings of joy. * Oxytocin: Often called the “love hormone,” oxytocin is released during social bonding activities like hugging, spending time with loved ones, or acts of kindness. It enhances feelings of connection and joy. 1. Psychological Factors * Positive Psychology: This field of psychology studies what makes life worth living. Researchers have identified key components of joy, such as gratitude, mindfulness, and optimism. Practicing these can increase our overall sense of well-being and joy. * Flow State: Joy often arises when we’re fully engaged in an activity we enjoy, losing track of time and self-consciousness. This state, known as “flow,” is associated with deep satisfaction and happiness. 1. Social and Environmental Influences * Social Connections: Strong, positive relationships are one of the most consistent predictors of happiness. Sharing joyful moments with others amplifies our experience of joy. * Environment: Our surroundings also play a role. Being in nature, experiencing beauty, or even living in a supportive community can boost our sense of joy. 1. Evolutionary Perspective * From an evolutionary standpoint, joy has played a critical role in human survival. Positive emotions like joy help us build social bonds, find meaning in life, and motivate us to pursue goals and engage in activities that ensure our survival and well-being. 1. Cultivating Joy * Gratitude Practice: Regularly reflecting on what you’re thankful for can increase feelings of joy. * Mindfulness: Being present in the moment allows us to fully experience and appreciate joyful moments. * Acts of Kindness: Doing something kind for others often leads to a “helper’s high,” a burst of joy from knowing you’ve made a positive impact.

The science behind joy reveals that it’s not just a fleeting emotion but a powerful, essential part of our well-being. By understanding and intentionally cultivating joy, we can enhance our lives and the lives of those around us. CHALLENGE: Take charge of your happiness by letting go of what no longer serves you and embracing the power of the present. Challenge yourself to rewrite your story, one filled with joy, resilience, and the belief that you deserve a life of fulfillment. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show… we are discovering pathmakers as we honor the past while shaping the future.

A pathmaker is someone who blazes a trail in uncharted territory, often breaking through barriers, challenging norms, and creating opportunities where none existed before. They are innovators, leaders, and pioneers who pave the way for others to follow, making significant contributions that leave a lasting impact on society, culture, or a specific field. Pathmakers not only achieve remarkable things in their own lives but also inspire and enable future generations to continue building on the foundation they’ve laid. So let’s take a deep dive into the journey of those who’ve come before us—those incredible individuals who’ve paved the way for the world we live in today. As we reflect on their legacies, we’ll also be thinking about our own. What kind of impact are we leaving behind? Let’s explore how we can honor the past while shaping a future that truly matters. It’s all about appreciating the pathmakers who’ve led the way and considering how we, too, can create a lasting legacy.

I love this anonymous quote: “What you leave as a legacy is not what is etched in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

Do you feel like you’re still figuring everything out and aren’t quite ready for a recorded legacy yet? You know, off the record, so to speak. Unless your child prodigy, when do you peak in understanding and effort? Maybe you’re waiting for the Nobel peace prize and maybe you’re not sure the accumulation of your life is worthy to be memorialized but either way, you’re leaving a legacy. The things you say and do matter. They shape, form, and make an impact on those you come in contact with. The seeds you plant run deep and will likely bloom outside of your control.

No pressure!

You can’t rewrite history or miraculously solve the world's problems so outside of those two things, what if we just agree to start living with more intention? From today forward, we will think before we act. Think about the last impact our actions will have on those around us and beyond. Can we start there? Good…outside of that, let’s learn more.

Elizabeth Perry helps by mapping out the steps of Leaving a legacy: How to make a lasting impression - found at Better Up

On the TedTalks YouTube channel I found The importance of leaving a legacy | Minke Haveman

Candy Barone explains Living Legacy: What Is It and Why You Need to Be Intentional About Leading Yours - found on LinkedIn

History offers valuable lessons when we think about our own legacy, guiding us in understanding the impact we can have on the future. Here are a few key insights:

1. The Power of Resilience:
2. Lesson: Many historical figures faced immense challenges and adversity, yet their determination and resilience allowed them to make lasting contributions. History teaches us that perseverance in the face of difficulties can lead to enduring change.
3. Application: In considering our legacy, embracing resilience can help us navigate obstacles and stay committed to our goals, knowing that challenges can lead to growth and progress.
4. The Importance of Values:
5. Lesson: Historical pathmakers often stood firm in their values, whether it was justice, equality, innovation, or compassion. Their legacies are often defined by their unwavering commitment to these principles.
6. Application: Reflecting on our values and living them consistently can ensure that our legacy reflects what we truly believe in and stands the test of time.
7. The Ripple Effect of Actions:
8. Lesson: History shows that even small actions can have a profound impact. The decisions and actions of individuals often ripple out, influencing generations to come.
9. Application: Recognizing that our everyday choices and actions contribute to our legacy can inspire us to act with intention, knowing that we are shaping the future in ways we may not even realize.
10. The Role of Innovation:
11. Lesson: Innovators in history, from scientists to artists, have shown that thinking differently and pushing boundaries can lead to groundbreaking advancements. Their legacies are often marked by the new paths they created.
12. Application: Embracing creativity and innovation in our own lives can help us leave a legacy of progress, inspiring others to continue exploring and expanding what’s possible.
13. The Impact of Community and Collaboration:
14. Lesson: Many historical achievements were the result of collaboration and the collective efforts of communities. Movements that changed the world were often driven by groups of people working together towards a common goal.
15. Application: Understanding the power of community and collaboration can encourage us to build strong relationships, work with others, and contribute to something greater than ourselves.
16. The Significance of Mentorship and Influence:
17. Lesson: History is full of examples where one person’s influence, mentorship, or guidance helped shape the path of another, leading to significant developments.
18. Application: By mentoring and uplifting others, we can extend our legacy beyond our own achievements, empowering the next generation to carry forward our impact.
19. The Legacy of Compassion and Service:
20. Lesson: Figures like Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela are remembered not just for their accomplishments but for their compassion and service to others. Their legacies are defined by the lives they touched and the changes they fostered through empathy and kindness.
21. Application: Focusing on how we can positively impact others and our communities ensures that our legacy is one of compassion, leaving the world a better place for future generations.

CHALLENGE: Your legacy starts with the choices you make today—embrace resilience, live your values, and take action with purpose. Challenge yourself to make a lasting impact, knowing that the path you pave will inspire and guide future generations.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are exploring the paradox of control and how trying to control others ends up controlling you. Have you ever wondered if your well-intentioned help might actually be a bit too much? It’s easy to blur the lines between being supportive and being controlling without even realizing it. Sometimes, what we see as helping might actually be holding others back. Slippery slope? I don’t want to give you another thing to stress about but it’s easy to go from helping to controlling because our desire to see things done well or protect those we care about can lead us to overstep boundaries. What starts as genuine concern can quickly turn into micromanagement, especially when we feel responsible for the outcomes or anxious about losing control.

So let’s dive into the subtle differences between helping and controlling, and explore how we can make sure our good intentions truly empower those around us. Curious to see where you stand. Let’s find out together!

I always thought I was being helpful…always until I was able to get some perspective and see the difference. It’s ok if you’re not there yet, that’s the journey. The fact that you are committed to getting a better vantage point and some positive alternatives to some of life’s challenges and a HUGE first step. Remember the saying, “The road is paved with good intentions”? Well it’s actually referring to the road to hell but I think it can apply here too because it means, the difference between what someone intends to do and the outcome of their actions. Maybe you initially jumped in to help and maybe you wanted to control the situation from the start and the lines were just a blur. Let’s sharpen the focus as we figure out the difference…

Samantha Ann helps us identify the difference between Controlling vs Caring: A Thin Line Controlling People Love to Cross found at Love Panky

On the SlightlyBetter YouTube channel, I found 8 Things Controlling Personalities Do To Keep You Under Them

Hailey Magee shares her story on How I Stopped Trying to Control My Partner and Took Responsibility for My Own Happiness - found at The Gottman Institute

Figuring out if you’re actually being helpful or starting to be a bit controlling takes some self-reflection and thinking about your motives and how your actions affect others. Here are some ways to check yourself:

1. Check Your Motives
2. Ask Yourself: Why am I offering help or advice? Is it because I genuinely want to support this person, or because I feel anxious if things aren’t done my way?
3. Helpful: If your intention is to empower the other person and you’re okay with the outcome, even if it’s different from what you would do.
4. Controlling: If your intention is to ensure things are done according to your standards, or to alleviate your own discomfort or anxiety.
5. Consider the Other Person’s Autonomy
6. Ask Yourself: Am I allowing the other person to make their own choices, or am I trying to steer them toward what I think is best?
7. Helpful: If you respect the other person’s right to make their own decisions, even if they choose differently than you would.
8. Controlling: If you’re pushing your agenda, making decisions for them, or not giving them the space to make their own choices.
9. Observe Their Response
10. Ask Yourself: How does the other person react when I offer help or advice? Do they seem appreciative, or do they appear uncomfortable or resistant?
11. Helpful: If the other person feels supported, empowered, and grateful for your input.
12. Controlling: If they seem frustrated, distant, or resistant, it could be a sign that they feel smothered or undermined.
13. Reflect on Your Emotional State
14. Ask Yourself: How do I feel if the person doesn’t take my advice or doesn’t accept my help?
15. Helpful: If you’re at peace with their decision and don’t feel the need to push further.
16. Controlling: If you feel irritated, anxious, or disappointed when they don’t follow your guidance.
17. Assess the Frequency and Context
18. Ask Yourself: How often am I stepping in to offer help or advice? Is it in situations where it’s truly needed, or am I doing it constantly, even when not asked?
19. Helpful: If you offer help selectively, in situations where it’s genuinely needed, and when the other person asks for it.
20. Controlling: If you find yourself frequently intervening, even in situations where the other person is capable or didn’t ask for assistance.
21. Solicit Feedback
22. Ask Them: How do you feel about the help or advice I’m giving? Do you feel supported or overwhelmed?
23. Helpful: If they express that your support is valuable and that they feel empowered.
24. Controlling: If they indicate that your help feels more like pressure or that they feel micromanaged.
25. Evaluate the Balance of Power
26. Ask Yourself: Am I trying to maintain control or power in this situation, or am I empowering the other person?
27. Helpful: If your actions encourage the other person’s growth, independence, and self-confidence.
28. Controlling: If your actions are more about maintaining control or ensuring things go your way.

CHALLENGE: Recognize where your well-meaning actions might be crossing into control and take steps to shift toward empowering others. By embracing true personal responsibility, you’ll build stronger, more trusting relationships that allow everyone to thrive.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we are peeling back the layers to build more authentic connections amid this tech-driven world. Got a lot of “friends” but still feel lonely? Receiving a lot of “likes” and “loves” but still feeling unheard? Take a minute and count your authentic connections. You know the ones who have your back and you have theirs. You call them and they show up to celebrate or get you back on your feet. They are priceless and they didn’t happen by accident. In today’s tech-heavy world, it’s easy to feel like we’re buried under layers of screens and gadgets, which can make real, authentic connections seem out of reach. But here’s the good news: peeling back those layers isn’t as hard as it sounds! Let’s dive into how to cut through the digital noise and build genuine relationships that enrich our lives.

Having a tight inner circle is critical and yes, exclusive. I have friends who have been with me through thick and thin. They have loved me even through the unlovable stages of my life. And let me tell you, there were many. They are gold and unshakable. I hope I’m half the friend to them as they are to me.

Woodrow Wilson said, “Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together." If that’s true, shouldn’t we take it super seriously? That means effort, being strategic, and adopting a give/get approach.

At Your Life Your Voice I found a breakdown of the different circles of friendship.

At TedEd’s YouTube channel, I found some good information on How friendship affects your brain - Shannon Odell

At Friendship with Intention, Amanda Diaz shares THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES FOR FRIENDSHIP

Don’t beat yourself up and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed. Set realistic expectations and stop overcommitting. You can only do what you can do but you can do better.

Here are five actionable steps you can take today to become a better friend:

1. Reach Out Thoughtfully: Take a moment to check in with a friend. A simple message, call, or even a handwritten note to express that you’re thinking of them can make a big difference. Ask how they’re doing and show genuine interest in their life.
2. Offer Support: Be proactive in offering help or support. Whether it’s lending a listening ear, helping with a task, or providing encouragement, showing that you’re there for your friends in times of need strengthens your bond.
3. Show Appreciation: Let your friends know how much you value them. Compliment them, express gratitude for their presence in your life, or acknowledge their positive impact on you. Small acts of appreciation can go a long way.
4. Be Present: Focus on being fully present when you spend time together. Put away distractions like your phone and engage in meaningful conversations. Quality time spent together deepens the connection.
5. Practice Empathy: Try to understand things from your friend’s perspective. Listen actively and offer empathy and understanding, especially when they’re going through challenging times. Validating their feelings and experiences builds trust and strengthens the friendship.

CHALLENGE: Take a proactive step to strengthen your friendships by reaching out, offering support, and being fully present. Challenge yourself to show genuine appreciation and empathy, and watch how these small actions can lead to deeper, more meaningful connections.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are searching for a balanced life as we aim to find fulfillment beyond the daily grind. All work and no play may have you out of alignment and in a rut. All for you and nothing for them may have you starving your generous nature. An uneven or unstable footing can cause you to struggle to level your intentions for a calmer life that provides more meaning. Feeling out of balance is something many of us face, especially when we get caught up in one aspect of our lives—be it career, family, friends, our spirituality, or personal joy—while neglecting others. But here’s the good news: recognizing this imbalance is the first step to fixing it. Take a step back, breathe, and look at the bigger picture. What areas are thriving, and which ones need more love and attention? Let’s create a plan to nurture all parts of your life. Maybe it’s setting aside time for family dinners, scheduling regular self-care activities, or finding moments for spiritual reflection. Remember, it’s all about small, consistent steps to bring harmony and fulfillment back into your life. You’ve got this!

Balance is an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. It’s a condition where different elements are equal or in the correct proportions. Sounds a lot like harmony, right? We often strive to give all aspects of our lives equal effort, but is that really realistic? Not always. Personal seasons bring natural shifts in our goals and outcomes. Sometimes, one area needs your undivided attention, and everything else has to wait. These are just seasons in your life, and they will course-correct if you keep things in perspective. Embrace the ebb and flow, and trust that balance will find its way back.

Seeing the bigger picture isn’t always easy, so have a little patience with yourself. Realizing the need for a better vantage point to accurately evaluate needs versus desires is a crucial step toward finding balance. Take your time, reflect, and be kind to yourself as you navigate this journey.

Mick from InsideOut Mastery asks and answers: Feeling Unfulfilled in life? Here are the 9 Common Reasons Why

Jack Canfield helps us solve How To Find Balance In Your Life found on his website

Let’s learn a little more from Jack Canfield on How to Politely Say No Without Hurting Feelings | found on his YouTube channel

At this stage, asking yourself the right questions can provide clarity and insight. Here are some questions to consider:

1. Prioritization and Time Allocation:
2. Am I dedicating enough time to each important aspect of my life (e.g., career, family, health, hobbies)?
3. Which areas of my life are receiving too much attention, and which are being neglected?
4. Personal Fulfillment:
5. What activities or aspects of my life bring me the most joy and satisfaction?
6. Am I making time for the things that genuinely make me happy?
7. Health and Well-being:
8. How am I taking care of my physical, emotional, and mental health?
9. Am I getting enough rest, exercise, and healthy nutrition?
10. Relationships:
11. Are my relationships with family, friends, and colleagues positive and fulfilling?
12. Do I make enough time for social interactions and nurturing my relationships?
13. Career and Personal Growth:
14. Am I satisfied with my career progress and professional growth?
15. Do I feel challenged and motivated by my work?
16. Stress and Burnout:
17. Do I often feel overwhelmed or stressed?
18. What steps am I taking to manage stress and prevent burnout?
19. Purpose and Goals:
20. Do I have clear short-term and long-term goals for various areas of my life?
21. Am I aligning my daily activities with my overall life purpose and goals?
22. Flexibility and Adaptability:
23. How well do I adapt to changes and unexpected situations in my life?
24. Am I flexible in adjusting my plans and priorities when necessary?
25. Self-Reflection and Growth:
26. Do I regularly take time to reflect on my life and make necessary adjustments?
27. What have I learned about myself recently, and how can I apply that knowledge?
28. Balance and Harmony:
29. Do I feel a sense of balance and harmony in my life, or is something off-kilter?
30. What small changes can I make to bring more balance and harmony into my daily routine?
31. Fulfillment and Meaning:
32. Do I feel fulfilled in my daily life, or is something missing?
33. What steps can I take to add more meaning and fulfillment to my life?
34. Boundaries:
35. Am I setting healthy boundaries to protect my time and energy?
36. Do I know when to say no to avoid overcommitting myself?

Reflecting on these questions can help you gain a deeper understanding of where you stand and what adjustments might be needed to achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life.

CHALLENGE: Take a step back and evaluate the balance in your life—identify areas that need more attention and make a plan to nurture them. Embrace the journey towards harmony, knowing that small, consistent steps can lead to a more fulfilling and well-rounded life.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re getting some relief as we navigate the fine line between pressure and stress. Mind overwhelmed, heart in a vice, trying to catch your breath as you process all you have to learn, understand, do, and deliver? Looking for something or anything to give you a temporary reprieve? Hold up, you don’t have to live this way. Instead of checking out or numbing up, let’s try to power through looking for a clear understanding of what’s going on and adopting positive alternatives to chart a more productive path. Figuring out the difference between pressure and stress can help you turn challenges into motivation instead of feeling overwhelmed. Once you get it, you’ll handle tough situations like a pro while keeping your cool! "The truth is that stress doesn't come from your boss, your kids, your spouse, traffic jams, health challenges, or other circumstances. It comes from your thoughts about your circumstances." - Andrew Bernstein At Mind Tools I found some effective tips for Coping Under PressureLawrence Robinson and Melinda Smith, M.A. provide Techniques & Strategies to Deal with Stress, in their article Stress Management found at helpguide.orgOver at Ted-ed’s YouTube channel, I found How Stress Affects Your Body Stress can really impact those around you, especially kids. Here’s how: Emotional Contagion: Kids are super perceptive and can easily pick up on your emotions. If you’re stressed, they’ll likely feel anxious or worried too. Behavioral Influence: When you’re stressed, you might be more irritable or less patient. This can affect how you interact with kids, leading to strained relationships and a negative vibe. Role Modeling: Kids look up to adults as examples. If they see you handling stress poorly, they might pick up those same habits. On the flip side, showing healthy ways to manage stress can teach them good coping skills. Communication Breakdown: Stress can make it harder to communicate well. This can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, leaving kids feeling unsupported. Creating a Tense Environment: Being constantly stressed can make the atmosphere tense and uneasy. Kids do best in a calm and supportive environment, and too much stress can get in the way of their emotional growth. Impact on Learning and Development: Your stress can affect a child’s ability to concentrate and learn. A stressful environment can disrupt their routine and make it harder for them to feel secure and focused. So, managing your stress not only helps you but also creates a better, more supportive environment for kids to thrive in. CHALLENGE: Navigating the fine line between pressure and stress empowers you to turn challenges into opportunities for growth while maintaining your well-being. Embrace effective strategies and a positive mindset to stay motivated and resilient in the face of life’s demands. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are unlocking the basics as we explore simple life skills everyone needs but often overlooks. In today’s fast-paced world, it’s no surprise that many people struggle with basic life skills. Between the rise of technology and the hustle of modern life, skills like cooking, budgeting, and effective communication often fall by the wayside. But fear not! By taking small, intentional steps, we can all brush up on these essential skills. Think of it as a fun, ongoing learning adventure—whether it’s whipping up a new recipe, setting up a simple budget, or mastering the art of active listening. Let’s embrace the journey together and support each other in becoming more well-rounded and capable individuals!

So let’s address some simple life skills that shouldn’t be overlooked. Here are just a few we will explore:

Time Management:

• Prioritizing tasks and setting realistic deadlines.
• Avoiding procrastination and effectively scheduling their time.

Effective Communication:

• Listening actively and empathetically.
• Expressing thoughts and feelings clearly and assertively without being aggressive.

Emotional Regulation:

• Managing stress and anxiety in healthy ways.
• Recognizing and processing emotions effectively.

Problem-Solving:

• Identifying problems and breaking them down into manageable parts.
• Generating and evaluating potential solutions.

Relationship Building:

• Developing and maintaining healthy relationships.
• Understanding the importance of boundaries and mutual respect.

Critical Thinking:

• Evaluating information critically and making informed decisions.
• Recognizing biases and logical fallacies.

Negotiation Skills:

• Negotiating effectively in personal and professional settings.
• Understanding the importance of compromise and finding win-win solutions.

Organizational Skills:

• Keeping personal and professional spaces organized.
• Developing systems for managing information and tasks efficiently.

Adaptability:

• Adjusting to new situations and changes with flexibility.
• Embracing change as an opportunity for growth rather than a threat.

Saimantee Bhattacharya shares Unveiling the Missing Link: The Craving for Life Skills in a High-Tech World found on Linkedin

On the Art of Improvement’s YouTube channel, I found Nicolas Cole’s 20 Things Most People Learn Too Late In Life

Bruce Tulgan shows us How to Begin Boosting Your Soft Skills found at Psychology Today

CHALLENGE: Unlocking basic life skills can elevate your daily journey and amplify your confidence. Begin today by embracing small, practical steps to master these essentials, and witness how they empower you to thrive and shine in any situation.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are looking for a little harmony in our hustle as we master work, life, and personal growth. Ever feel like you’re juggling flaming swords while riding a unicycle? Why do some people appear to be killing it on the highwire of life while the rest of us feel like a low-budget sideshow act? Guess what? You would probably be shocked to learn that some see you as the put-together and confident ringmaster running it all with precision. Before you scoff, remember, that life isn’t as it always appears.

But hey, we’re all in this circus together! It’s all about finding that sweet spot where you’re crushing your goals without losing yourself in the chaos. According to Hubstaff.com, 48% of workers call themselves “workaholics”, 66% skip one meal per day due to working hours, and 60% of US workers say they don't have boundaries between work responsibilities and life. Ouch. Let’s flip the script on burnout and turn this balancing act into a dance.

Chibs Okereke takes you From Work-Life Balance to Work-Life Harmony: A New Path for High-Achievers found on Linkedin

On Clark Kegley’s YouTube channel, I found 5 small HABITS that will change YOUR life forever

Recognizing when your life is out of harmony between work and personal growth can help you get back on track. Here are some warning signs to watch out for:

1. Constant Fatigue: Feeling perpetually exhausted, even after a full night’s sleep, is a red flag that your balance might be off.
2. Increased Irritability: If you’re snapping at people or feeling unusually frustrated, it could be a sign that stress is taking over.
3. Lack of Enthusiasm: Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy or feeling indifferent about work and personal projects can indicate burnout.
4. Neglected Self-Care: Skipping meals, neglecting exercise, or ignoring mental health can be signs that you’re too consumed by work.
5. Declining Performance: Struggling to meet deadlines, making more mistakes, or experiencing a drop in productivity can signal that your balance is disrupted.
6. Strained Relationships: If friends and family are noticing your absence or you’re feeling disconnected from your loved ones, it’s a strong indicator that work is overshadowing your personal life.
7. Feeling Overwhelmed: A constant sense of being overwhelmed or unable to cope with your responsibilities is a clear sign of imbalance.

CHALLENGE: Achieving harmony between life, work, and personal growth is your key to unlocking a life of joy and fulfillment. Embrace self-care, set clear priorities, and watch as you thrive both professionally and personally, creating a balanced and inspired life where anything is possible.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are seeking mind and body harmony as we shift our perspective on exercise from vanity to vitality. We've got it all twisted when it comes to exercise because we've been bombarded with images of ripped bodies and weight loss miracles, making us think that's the ultimate goal. But here's the truth: exercise is about feeling good, living longer, and staying vibrant, not just looking good. If you’re part of the norm then you’ve wasted an inconceivable amount of time pining over the ideal body image that is simply unachievable. Not even for the person in the touched-up picture. Why do we wait until our 40’s, 50’s, or 60’s to start taking our health seriously? Probably because that’s when we start feeling the effects of not taking it seriously before. Let's shift our focus to health and vitality, and watch how it transforms our lives from the inside out!

I will raise my hand first and admit, that my thinking on health and wellness is freakishly flawed. I view myself as curious, an independent thinker, and decently smart so how can I be so off here? Until I dive in to uncover the real reason, I can only point to conditioning. Generational body image issues have deceived me into thinking that nothing tastes better than thin feels and unless you have ripped abs, you’re not done yet. UGH Can you imagine the negative, body shaming loop we let play on repeat in our heads? How do we stop it? Achieve our unrealistic goals or cave to our desires. Nope, that’s your black-and-white thinking taking over and giving you two impossible choices. TIME-OUT! Want to uncover a better way of thinking?

Me too! Stay with me as we walk through some unfamiliar but important concepts.

At now.org I found some alarming statistics on body image

Kelly Wallace from CNN shares the dangers of The ripple effects on girls when moms struggle with body image

Megan Tripp introduces Harmonizing The Body and Mind - A Harvard grad developed a tension-relief exercise that works with both your mind and body. Found at bostonmagazine.com

Creating mind and body harmony involves a holistic approach that integrates physical activity, mental well-being, nutrition, and mindfulness practices. Here are some steps to achieve this balance:

1. Regular Physical Activity

Exercise for Health: Focus on exercises that promote overall well-being rather than just aesthetics. Incorporate a mix of cardiovascular, strength, flexibility, and balance exercises.

Consistency: Aim for at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity or 75 minutes of vigorous activity each week, along with muscle-strengthening activities on two or more days a week.

1. Mindfulness and Mental Health

Meditation and Yoga: Practices like meditation, yoga, and tai chi can help reduce stress, improve concentration, and enhance mental clarity.

Mental Breaks: Incorporate short breaks throughout the day to rest and recharge your mind.

1. Nutrition and Hydration

Balanced Diet: Eat a variety of foods rich in essential nutrients, including fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats.

Hydration: Drink plenty of water throughout the day to maintain optimal body functions.

1. Sleep and Recovery

Quality Sleep: Ensure you get 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night. Good sleep is essential for both physical recovery and mental health.

Rest Days: Allow your body time to recover between intense workout sessions.

1. Mental and Emotional Well-Being

Positive Relationships: Cultivate strong, supportive relationships with family, friends, and colleagues.

Therapeutic Practices: Seek professional help when needed. Therapy and counseling can provide tools to manage stress and emotional challenges.

1. Goal Setting and Personal Growth

Set Realistic Goals: Establish attainable health and fitness goals that focus on personal growth rather than comparison with others.

Continuous Learning: Engage in activities that stimulate your mind, such as reading, learning new skills, or taking up a hobby.

1. Positive Mindset

Self-Compassion: Practice self-compassion and avoid negative self-talk. Recognize and celebrate your progress and achievements.

Gratitude Practice: Incorporate gratitude practices into your daily routine to foster a positive outlook on life.

Holistic Approach: Combine these practices into your daily routine in a way that feels natural and sustainable. Balance is key, and it’s important to find what works best for you.

By integrating these elements, you can create a harmonious connection between your mind and body, fostering long-term health and well-being.

CHALLENGE: Achieving mind and body harmony is all about embracing activities that make you feel energized and healthy, rather than just focusing on looks. Start today by setting goals that prioritize your overall well-being and celebrate every step you take towards a healthier, happier you!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re asking ourselves the question, is it really that bad? As we strive to gain a historical perspective on some of today’s challenges. It’s easy to jump on the negative train and pump up the steam engine with your own parroted two cents. But before you know it, the train and the topic have jumped tracks and you aren’t even sure where you’re going or what you’re talking about. Before you join in the chant of “it’s never been this bad”, take a deep dive into history to gain some insight and an alternative perspective. Looking back at history isn’t just about old stories—it’s about learning how we’ve tackled challenges before, seeing what worked, and using that wisdom to navigate today’s ups and downs smarter. It’s like having a treasure map of experiences that can guide us toward better decisions and brighter futures. So, let’s dig in, learn from the past, and build a tomorrow we can be proud of together! I’ve said it before, I love reading historical fiction. Biographical fiction too but historical fiction gives you new characters living during historical events. I find myself saying…” Whoa, we’ve come a long way baby!” But I think that is so important because if you just read the news or talk around the water cooler, your outlook might be far different. Instead of adopting this narrative, push back and ask - Is this really the worst time in history for _____? Maybe you aren’t sure. Do the research. Dig into the details. Come to the conclusion yourself. It’s true, not all history is positive but it is relevant. Human beings have made mistakes throughout human history. We’ve failed, learned, grown, and evolved. The only way to make sure we don’t repeat past mistakes is to learn from them. The only way to learn is to research. Take an active part in your narrative by doing the work. Paul Ratner presents Harvard professor’s study identifies the worst year in human history found at Big ThinkRachel Sharp gives us a reality check on the Daily Mail, ​​Think 2020 was the most stressful year EVER? Think again..... historians say it was only the EIGHTH worst time to live through in US historyLouis CK on Collin O'Brien 12 years ago, posted on Youtube - Everything is amazing & Nobody is happyGregg Levoy suggests Zooming Out: The Power of Putting Things in Perspective found at Psychology Today History is crucial for putting today’s challenges into perspective for several reasons: Understanding Patterns and Cycles: History shows that many challenges are cyclical. Economic recessions, social unrest, and political upheaval have occurred repeatedly throughout history. Recognizing these patterns helps us understand that current challenges are not unique and can provide insights into potential solutions. Learning from the Past: By studying how previous generations addressed their problems, we can identify strategies that worked and those that didn’t. This can help inform current decision-making and policy development. Gaining Context: Historical context helps us see the broader picture. For example, technological advancements, medical breakthroughs, and social progress often emerge from periods of significant challenge. Understanding this can help us appreciate the potential for positive outcomes from today’s struggles. Building Resilience: Knowing that humanity has faced and overcome significant challenges in the past can be reassuring. It fosters a sense of resilience and optimism that we can navigate current difficulties. Avoiding Repetition of Mistakes: History provides valuable lessons on the consequences of certain actions and decisions. By studying these, we can avoid repeating past mistakes and work towards more effective solutions. Appreciating Progress: Comparing the present to the past highlights the progress we’ve made. Advances in technology, healthcare, human rights, and living standards become more apparent, providing a balanced view that acknowledges both current challenges and achievements. Inspiring Innovation: Historical examples of innovation and problem-solving can inspire new approaches and creative solutions to today’s challenges. Fostering Empathy and Understanding: Learning about the struggles and triumphs of people from different times and places helps build empathy and a broader understanding of the human experience. By placing today’s challenges within a historical framework, we gain a more nuanced and comprehensive understanding of our current situation and can approach problems with a more informed and balanced perspective. CHALLENGE: Let’s rewrite the narrative: While today’s challenges seem daunting, history reveals that every era has faced its trials and triumphs. By embracing our past, we gain perspective on our progress and the resilience needed to shape a brighter future together. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are freshening our viewpoint as we work to transform problems into possibilities. Problems are like puzzles, tricky but solvable. They’re the hurdles that make life interesting! Possibilities, on the other hand, are the exciting paths that open up when we tackle these puzzles head-on. This show is about providing positive alternatives to some of life’s little challenges. Why stay stuck if you can take an alternate path? As I’ve said before, it’s all about perspective. Is the glass half-full or have you already enjoyed half of the concoction? Viewing a situation through the lens of possibilities can lead to a more positive and proactive approach to overcoming challenges and achieving success. So, let’s flip our thinking and turn problems into fun challenges. Who knows what awesome opportunities might be waiting on the other side?

I have a t-shirt that says “365 Possibilities”. I know, I know too early right? But why not approach each day by saying “What do you have in store for ME” vs “WHAT do you have in store for me”. Your internal inflection can completely alter the intent. I had an employer who gave me some seeds of wisdom early on, “Each day starts and ends with you.” That means you are in control. Doesn’t that statement in itself give you some motivational fuel?

It’s easy to fall into the rut of being led around by circumstance and operating on autopilot but wake up and take back the controls. Whether you fly high or swoop in for a loop and a better look, you’re in the pilot seat.

With navigation on your mind, let’s chart a course that has you identifying and taking advantage of all the possibilities along the way.

On the last show, I mentioned The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander. The book combines Zander's experience as the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra with Stone Zander's knowledge of psychology to offer practical tools and inspiring stories to help readers shift their perspective from scarcity to abundance. The book's 12 practices are designed to help you see new possibilities and bring them to life.

We’re going to explore these concepts and more!

At Vishnu’s Virtues, I found a breakdown of the 12 Lessons from The Art of Possibility

On the THNK School of Leadership’s YouTube channel, I found The Art of Possibility: Interview with Benjamin & Rosamund Zander

On LinkedIn, Hacking HR gives us 6 Ways to Lead (When You Are Not In Charge!)

Opening your mind to get a fresh viewpoint can be an invigorating process that leads to new ideas and personal growth. Here are some ways to do that:

Travel: Visiting new places exposes you to different cultures, lifestyles, and perspectives.

Read Widely: Books, articles, and blogs on various topics can introduce you to new ideas and ways of thinking.

Talk to Diverse People: Engaging with people from different backgrounds and experiences can broaden your understanding.

Practice Mindfulness: Meditation and mindfulness can help you see things more clearly and reduce mental clutter. Check out the Serenity App from Pau Bauer which helps you re-discover the "beacon of light" and stillness within you.

Try New Hobbies: Learning something new, whether it’s a language, instrument, or sport, can give you a fresh perspective.

Challenge Your Beliefs: Question your assumptions and try to see things from different angles.

Seek Feedback: Ask others for their opinions and be open to constructive criticism.

Attend Workshops and Seminars: These can provide new insights and skills.

Journal: Writing down your thoughts can help you process and see things in a new light.

Limit Media Consumption: Sometimes, taking a break from the news and social media can help clear your mind.

Practice Gratitude: Focusing on what you’re thankful for can shift your mindset to a more positive and open one.

Get Out in Nature: Spending time outdoors can refresh your mind and inspire new thoughts.

Volunteer: Helping others can give you a different perspective on your own life.

Learn from Failures: Reflecting on past mistakes can provide valuable lessons and new viewpoints.

Stay Curious: Always be willing to ask questions and seek out new information.

By trying out these approaches, you can gradually open your mind and gain a broader, more nuanced understanding of the world around you.

CHALLENGE: See beyond the obstacles and embrace the endless opportunities life presents. By opening your mind and exploring new perspectives, you can transform challenges into gateways for growth. Take action today by engaging with diverse experiences and people, and watch your world expand in unexpected and wonderful ways.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are reducing stress by lightening up, not taking ourselves too seriously, and finding ways to laugh at life. Alarmed by your frown lines these days? Needing more reminders to relax your shoulders and breathe? Long for the days when your parents sent you to your room or the corner for a much-needed time-out. Life can be intense and our day-to-day schedules don’t seem to allow the room to relax and “laugh it off”. But laughter is like a magic potion for stress—just a good giggle can melt away tension and make you feel lighter. It’s your body’s way of giving you a happy boost, flooding you with feel-good vibes and boosting your immune system like a champ. Whether you find something naturally funny or you’re intentionally inducing a cackle or two, much is to be learned about the power of incorporating humor and laughter into your daily life and how this can lead to significant improvements in your physical, emotional, and social well-being, making it an essential tool for coping with stress and enhancing your quality of life. Plus, sharing a laugh brings people closer, turning ordinary moments into joyous memories. So go ahead, laugh a little louder and a little more often—your mind and body will thank you! Let’s start it out by attempting to answer the obvious question…what makes something funny? Jinae West explores this on NPR’s All Things Considered. What Makes Something Funny?Kaitlin Vogel gives us some strategies on How to Stop Taking Life Too Seriously found at Psych CentralAt Fearless Culture, Gustavo Razzetti makes an insightful suggestion: Follow rule #6: don’t take yourself so damn seriously Ever heard of LeAnne Morgan from Tennessee? Well, let me introduce you. CHALLENGE: Embrace the power of laughter to reduce stress and boost your mood—let it be your daily dose of joy. Strengthen your connections by sharing laughs with others, creating happier and more resilient relationships. Make it a habit to find humor in life’s moments and watch as your overall well-being soars! I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are tracing the healing journey of love, from connecting and loving deeply to embracing heartache and every stop in between. Building connections, even when you're worried about getting hurt, is vital because these bonds are the lifeblood of our emotional well-being. Yes, opening up can feel risky, but the rewards of genuine connection far outweigh the fear of heartache. It's through these connections that we find support, joy, and a sense of belonging. Love hurts but first, it heals. The capacity to love deeply is considered a natural, species-specific tendency. Loss is an integral part of growth, whether we're evolving our minds from one stage to the next or facing the final chapter of our physical life. Embracing loss allows us to learn, adapt, and gain deeper insights into ourselves and the world around us. It's through these challenging moments that we truly grow and find new strength. Remember, every meaningful relationship starts with a bit of vulnerability. So, take that leap—embrace the possibility of connection, knowing that the love and support you gain will help heal any past wounds and enrich your life in beautiful, unexpected ways. Change is never easy because with change comes loss. I could spin this in a self-help way, which you know I will, but first, let’s be honest. Letting go of people, opportunities, ideas, dreams, and expectations is never easy. When you make that shift and turn the corner you have to be ready to embrace change or you stay stuck. If you are letting go of a relationship you embrace the idea of staying single or putting yourself out there again. If you lose a job you’re faced with how to rectify what happened and where you go now. If you lose a loved one you are met with navigating grief while creating a new normal. Instead of getting bogged down in endless details, start by simplifying your choices into two clear paths. This approach helps you make quicker decisions and maintain momentum. It's not about rigid thinking, but rather about giving yourself a solid starting point to move forward more efficiently. Bianca Sparacino introduces us to people who love deeply: Let Me Tell You About People Who Love Deeply found at Thought CatalogAt Ellie Mental Health I found How To Cope With Loneliness and Rejection in RelationshipsAt Live Outrageously, I found a question to contemplate: Have You Outgrown Your Inner Circle of Friends? Love’s Tender Evolution We all know the journey of love's tender evolution, From young and free, hearts open in boundless revolution. We fall hard, then rise slowly, with wounds to bear, Calloused, we build walls, breeding suspicion and despair. We open up cautiously, our pace becomes slow, Our minds awaken to heartache's burdens we now know. We think our hearts are weak, so our minds grow strong, But often they become jaded, overprotective, or wrong. Distrusting both heart and mind, we retreat to our shell, Building barricades, interrogating all who dare to dwell. Loneliness ensues, yet we tiptoe back into the light, Hoping for heart, mind, and soul to finally align right. Praying for someone who'll respect and protect all three, Swiftly, before the cycle starts again, we yearn to be free. In this dance of love's evolution, we seek to find, A partner who'll cherish the heart, soul, and mind. CHALLENGE: Embrace the evolution of love by staying open to connection and growth, despite past heartaches. By trusting both your heart and mind, you pave the way for making connections with those who will cherish and protect your whole being. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are exploring the concept of mindset evolution as we ready ourslves to embrace continuous change. A shift in perspective and a commitment to positive thinking is not a one-and-done exercise but a progressive journey fraught with ups and downs. Oh to warn the former self about the perils that lie ahead. But what’s the fun in that? It is important to, formulate hypotheses, test theories, fall flat on your face, and get back up again. I pray that the scars are minimal as we figure out life at every turn. But if you stay stuck, you risk the inevitable pitfalls. Neglecting to evolve your mindset can hold you back from reaching your true potential because embracing change is key to unlocking new opportunities and personal growth. By staying open and adaptable, you prepare yourself to thrive in the face of new challenges and seize exciting possibilities. Harnessing a flexible mindset also enriches your relationships, fostering deeper connections and understanding with those around you. By embracing the journey of continual growth and transformation, you'll find resilience and fulfillment in every step forward. Easy for me to say, huh? Yeah yeah, I took my share of bumps and bruises to get to this level of thinking. What level is that you may ask? The one where you admit you don’t have everything figured out and likely, never will. BUT, you are willing and open to forging forward, grasping at new ideas and strategies to propel your evolution. Soulaima Gourani shares The Art Of Continuous Growth - Reinvent Yourself And Kill Your Ego found at forbes.comEnrique Rubio maps out The Evolving Mindset found on LinkedInMarie Forleo proposes that if you Change Limiting Beliefs You Change EVERYTHING, found on her YouTube ChannelAt Walking Giants I found ​​Building a Path to Success: Harnessing the Power of Accountability for Personal Growth. Our past is a rich tapestry that has shaped us into who we are today, offering lessons and insights that guide our path forward. It's important to honor all aspects of our past, both the joyful moments and the challenges, as they have contributed to our growth and resilience. To truly learn from our past, we must be willing to do the work - researching, exploring, and challenging our understanding. Seeking support from a mentor, an accountability partner, or a professional can provide valuable guidance and encouragement on this journey of self-discovery. In the present moment, time is our most precious gift. Embracing the now means seizing the opportunities that are right in front of us. Instead of dwelling on past regrets or anxiously anticipating the future, focus on what you can do today to create a meaningful and fulfilling life. Use this time to nurture your passions, cultivate relationships, and pursue personal growth. As we look towards the future, we are filled with excitement and possibility. Embracing a mindset of continuous evolution allows us to envision not just where we could be, but who we could become. Each day is an opportunity to take steps towards our dreams and goals, building on the foundation of our past experiences. Let go of fear and doubt, and step boldly into the future with confidence and optimism. Remember, growth is a lifelong journey, and it's okay to seek help along the way. Connecting with others who support your growth can provide valuable perspective and encouragement. Surround yourself with people who believe in your potential and are committed to helping you succeed. Together, we can embrace the past, live fully in the present, and create a future filled with endless possibilities. CHALLENGE: Embrace the exciting journey of personal growth by letting go of outdated ideas and welcoming new perspectives with open arms. Take proactive steps to expand your mind, cultivate curiosity, and surround yourself with a community that encourages constant evolution. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are unmasking the truth, is it love or is it control; manipulation, or codependency? It is so easy to get them twisted because even if you feel with all your heart that it’s coming from a place of love, it can still be manipulating. Thoroughly confused? Well, try operating in that conundrum without the knowledge or the tools to see it for what it truly is. You might identify with being a helper, a fixer, always picking up the pieces, wanting everyone to feel comfortable, and trying to orchestrate the best outcome for all involved and you probably suffer from control issues.

So let’s be intentional as we dive into this intricate dance between care and control. Before we start let’s make a commitment to be kind to ourselves in the process because our intentions stem from love and a desire to help, but sometimes, this can lead us down the path of overstepping boundaries and manipulation. It's a challenging journey to navigate, but understanding the fine line between genuine support and unhealthy codependency is crucial for fostering truly healthy relationships.

As you know, I’m a codependent in recovery. I came to this realization later in life and have done a lot of work to understand, identify, and redirect this behavior yet still…I’m uncovering ways my manipulation can rear its ugly and intrusive head.

So, let's explore this together and uncover how we can nurture our connections with authenticity, respect, and true care.

At Helpguide.org, Sheldon Reid gives a breakdown of Codependency: Signs, Causes, and Help

On LinkedIn John Rampton shares The Art of Surrendering: Learning How to Let Go of Control

The difference between love and control in the context of codependency lies in the intent, dynamics, and outcomes of the relationship:

1. Intent:
2. Love: Genuine love is based on mutual respect, support, and the well-being of both individuals. It involves caring for someone without trying to change or control them.
3. Control: In codependent relationships, control often masquerades as care. The intent behind control is usually to manage or manipulate the other person's behavior to fulfill one's own emotional needs or to maintain a sense of order and security.

Dynamics:* Love: Healthy love promotes independence and personal growth. Each person in the relationship can express themselves freely and pursue their own interests and goals. * Control: Codependent dynamics involve one person becoming overly involved in the other's life, often at the expense of their own needs. This can result in one person feeling suffocated or dependent, while the other feels responsible for their happiness and well-being.

Outcomes:* Love: Relationships based on love encourage open communication, trust, and mutual respect. Both individuals feel valued and supported, leading to a balanced and fulfilling connection. * Control: Codependency often leads to resentment, frustration, and emotional exhaustion. The controlling behavior can stifle personal growth and create an unhealthy dependence, where both parties struggle to maintain their individuality.

In essence, love in healthy relationships empowers and uplifts, while control in codependent relationships restricts and manipulates. Recognizing these differences is key to fostering healthy, supportive connections.

CHALLENGE: True love empowers and liberates, fostering growth and mutual respect. Let go of the need to control, and instead, embrace the beauty of supporting each other's individuality. By setting healthy boundaries, we cultivate relationships that thrive on genuine care and authentic connection

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are striving for a different vantage point as we rise above self-doubt, transforming shame into embracing confidence. According to a YouGov survey in 2018, about 50% of people reported experiencing self-doubt in their daily lives. That’s a whole lot of insecurity. Is that what you see plastered all over social media…vulnerability? Just another clue that what you see on the surface may not indicate what is really going on under the water. Add in that shame reinforces self-doubt and self-doubt increases shame and you have a tangled web to unwind.

Self-doubt can create real challenges, both personally and professionally. It makes you doubt your abilities and holds you back from growing and achieving your full potential. At work, it stops you from taking on new projects or going for that promotion because you're convinced you're not good enough. This constant second-guessing can lead to major stress, anxiety, and even depression, making life a lot harder than it needs to be. It can also interrupt your relationships, as you struggle to trust others and communicate effectively. In the end, self-doubt becomes a vicious cycle that keeps you from living your best life.

I seek strength, not to be greater than others, but to fight my greatest enemy, the doubts within myself.

Can you pinpoint when self-doubt crept in and wrecked your confidence? Shame might be easier to identify since it’s typically linked to specific events that you regret but doubt can be a silent thief. Robbing you of possibilities and opportunities you didn’t have the confidence to go for.

Just like the settlers did when they claimed new territory, let’s put a flag in and start building a solid foundation of confidence as we eradicate shame and doubt!

Let’s hear her Hack for Self-Doubt - Brene Brown

Dr. Jeremy Sutton gives us more on the Shame Resilience Theory: Advice From Brené Brown found at positivepsychology.com

Kendra Cherry sheds some more light on How to Forgive Yourself found at Very Well Mind

At the Triving Center of Psych, I found Understanding Impostor Syndrome: Breaking Free From Self-Doubt

Self-doubt often begins with a combination of internal and external factors. So here are some common sources - see if you’re holding on tightly to any of these:

1. Early Experiences: Negative experiences or criticisms during childhood, such as overly critical parents or teachers, can plant seeds of self-doubt.
2. Comparisons: Comparing oneself to others, especially in the age of social media, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and doubt about one's abilities or worth.
3. Perfectionism: Holding oneself to impossibly high standards and fearing failure can create a constant sense of not being good enough.
4. Failures and Setbacks: Experiencing failures or setbacks can undermine confidence, making one question their competence and abilities.
5. Negative Self-Talk: Internalizing negative thoughts and beliefs about oneself can perpetuate a cycle of doubt and low self-esteem.
6. Unrealistic Expectations: Setting unrealistic goals or expectations can lead to a sense of failure when they are not met, fostering self-doubt.
7. Lack of Support: Without a supportive network of friends, family, or mentors, individuals might struggle to maintain confidence in their abilities and decisions.
8. Trauma or Stress: Traumatic experiences or chronic stress can erode self-confidence and lead to persistent self-doubt.

CHALLENGE: Embrace your journey of self-discovery, for in overcoming self-doubt, you unlock the door to limitless potential. Let every stumble be a stepping stone, and every moment of doubt a reminder of your inner strength. Rise above shame because true empowerment is in believing in yourself, fiercely and unapologetically

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are exploring a puzzling problem; why does communication still fail in a hyper-connected world? Even though the workplace has more modes of communication than ever before, 86% of employees and executives cite the lack of effective collaboration and communication as the main cause of workplace failures. Are we trading convenience for connection and clear communication? If you frequently feel overwhelmed and misunderstood have you ever stepped back and asked, “How much can my brain safely and accurately compute?” The average office worker receives about 121 emails per day and sends out 40 work-related emails daily, contributing to communication overload and potential miscommunication. Studies suggest that people misinterpret the tone and intent of emails and texts about 50% of the time, leading to misunderstandings and conflict. Over 70% of employees report feeling overwhelmed with the amount of information they receive at work, leading to decreased productivity and communication breakdowns. It doesn’t take long for me to become distracted. I envision an octopus with eight arms all preforming tasks at the same time and in the center of it all, the googley eyes are spinning and steam is coming from it’s head. Picture it, you're watching a program>while reading the subtitles>you get a text> that asks you to jump on social media to check out a post or video>someone asks you a question>your phone rings>it’s your mother and she can’t understand her banking app>you open a web browser to see why she’s stuck……I literally could go on and on. Does all this convenience and distracting multi-tasking come at a cost? Would you be able to go “old school.” A study published by the Journal of the American Medical Association shows that frequent digital media use involving social media, gaming, texting, and streaming movies, music, or TV increases one's risk of developing ADHD symptoms by nearly 10 percent. Put a pin in that and we’ll come back to it. Over at Preply, Matt Zajechowski shines a line on a Study showing Americans are becoming less effective communicatorsAt Recuiter.com I found more information on The Negative Impact That Growing Up Digital Has Had on CommunicationAt HelpGuide.org I found Effective Communication -Improving Your Interpersonal Skills Have you ever heard of the snowball effect? The term refers to how small issues can escalate and accumulate leading to larger problems and potentially significant consequences. Now let’s start a lack of communication or miscommunication snowball down the hill. Here's how it typically unfolds: 1. Misunderstandings: Initially, there might be a small misunderstanding or misinterpretation of a message, which is not addressed or clarified. 2. Assumptions and Errors: Without clarification, people may start making assumptions or errors based on the initial misunderstanding, leading to further confusion. 3. Missed Opportunities: As misunderstandings grow, opportunities for collaboration, innovation, or problem-solving may be missed, affecting productivity and efficiency. 4. Conflict: Unresolved misunderstandings can lead to conflicts, as people become frustrated or feel ignored, further hindering effective communication. 5. Distrust and Resentment: Persistent communication breakdowns can erode trust and breed resentment among team members, damaging relationships and morale. 6. Impact on Performance: Ultimately, the snowball effect can impact overall performance, leading to decreased productivity, lower quality work, and potentially even business losses.

CHALLENGE: Clear communication is crucial for effective collaboration and understanding in both personal and professional settings, fostering stronger relationships and minimizing misunderstandings. Convey your ideas accurately, ensuring everyone is on the same page to drive successful outcomes. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are going beyond the mantra to gain some insight and mindfulness momentum. Played out? Is the request to be more mindful met with eye-rolling and heavy sighs? Well there has to be something to it don’t you think? Mindfulness has become popular because studies have showcased its benefits throughout the years, and past research shows it is often effective in reducing distressing symptoms from various mental health conditions, like anxiety and depression. And I think we can all agree that taking a meaningful time-out from a chaotic day, month, or year can only be a good thing. But let’s not just screenprint it on a t-shirt or embellish a throw pillow, let's take some time and really dive in to see what all the fuss is. What do your moments of mental rest look like? Do you unplug only to plug into something different and maybe more entertaining? I used to move my eyes from my computer only to pick up my phone and jump right back in. Sure it felt like a diversion and something different but before I knew it, I was sucked into streams, posts, pics, and reels. Once I came up for air I wasn’t any less stressed and possibly more burdened. I love Spring and Fall. I love a windy day, a bright sun, and sometimes a good rain shower. I love observing nature from blowing leaves to crashing waves. There is something so powerful about nature, raw, vivid, and yes, calming. Have you ever just sat and observed? No distractions but what’s unfolding before you. Inhale deeply and open your mind. Let thoughts enter your mind. Like a cube suspended in air, turn that thought and examine it from all the different sides and angles. Mindfulness is awareness of one's internal states and surroundings. Mindfulness can help people avoid destructive or automatic habits and responses by learning to observe their thoughts, emotions, and other present-moment experiences without judging or reacting to them. At Better Help I found What Is Mindfulness, And Why Has It Become So Popular?At Mindful Ambition, Patrick Buggy shares The Power of Perception: Change Your Narrative, Change Your LifeAt Better Up, Elizabeth Perry helps us focus on the Here and now: Discover the benefits of being present Remember, mindfulness is not just for meditation so while you’re thinking about deep breathing and sitting cross-legged consider that mindfulness can be integrated into various activities and aspects of daily life, such as: 1. Mindful Walking: Paying close attention to each step, the sensations of walking, and the environment around you. 2. Mindful Eating: Eating slowly and paying attention to the taste, texture, and experience of eating without distractions. 3. Mindful Breathing: Taking deep, intentional breaths and focusing on the sensation of breathing to anchor yourself in the present moment. 4. Mindful Listening: Fully focusing on what someone is saying without thinking about your response or other distractions. 5. Mindful Body Scan: Bringing awareness to different parts of your body, noticing any sensations or tensions without trying to change them. 6. Mindful Activities: Engaging fully in activities like yoga, gardening, or even washing dishes by being fully present in the moment.

CHALLENGE: Incorporating mindfulness into your daily life can transform your experience, bringing clarity, peace, and a deeper connection to the present moment. By taking small, mindful actions each day, you can cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling life. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are weighing the convenience vs the connection to find an optimal balance. Sacrificing one seems like taking a step back in time but limiting the other is detrimental to your health. People need people….I could break out into song here but just trust me. A more recent review of 148 studies concluded that on average having stronger social ties increased the likelihood of an individual's overall survival by as much as 50 percent! You might be a self-proclaimed loner or someone who would rather observe life from afar but the fact is, we need people for emotional support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. Relationships with others provide comfort during challenging times, joy during celebrations, and a feeling of connection that enriches life. Additionally, interactions with others offer opportunities for personal growth, learning, and the development of empathy and understanding.

Modern times have really changed the way we interact with others both personally and professionally but has the convenience come at a cost? I say yes, but now I have to convince you. I’m not suggesting we go back to the turn of the century and remove all technology from our houses but I am hoping that you will strive for a healthy balance once you fully understand the pros and cons. Deal?

Gareth Cook answers Why We Are Wired to Connect at scientificamerican.com

Alarming Statistics from From Pew Research…

Adrianna Rodriguez from USA Today discusses how Americans are lonely and it’s killing them.

At bigthink.com I found out why Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends

1. Plan Social Activities: Organize gatherings, events, or outings that encourage face-to-face interaction. This could include dinners, game nights, or outdoor activities.
2. Join Clubs or Groups: Join clubs, classes, or groups based on your interests. This provides opportunities to meet like-minded individuals and engage in shared activities.
3. Attend Local Events: Attend community events, festivals, or workshops to meet new people and engage in conversations.
4. Limit Screen Time: Reduce the amount of time spent on digital devices, which can free up more time for in-person interactions.
5. Prioritize Face-to-Face Communication: When possible, choose face-to-face communication over digital methods like texting or emailing.
6. Be Present: When interacting with others in person, be fully present and engaged in the conversation. Put away distractions like phones or laptops.
7. Seek Out New Experiences: Try new activities or hobbies that involve interacting with others, such as joining a sports team or volunteering.

CHALLENGE: Don’t take the easy way out and live your life on the periphery. Step up, reach out, and nurture human connection. It’s the fastest declining commodity. Take the time and invest to reap the greatest rewards life has to offer.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are redefining denial to determine if it’s complicated or just hard. Raise your hand if you’ve gotten stuck in a procrastination loop because to change, let go, and adopt a new behavior is just hard. So hard it feels impossible! Life doesn’t have to be complicated to be hard. And reducing your options to go or don’t go doesn’t limit your possibilities. Varying degrees and options can sometimes provide too many hiding places for procrastination and denial. Let’s lay it all out in the open and be honest with ourselves, what is preventing you from moving forward? Whether it’s to obtain new skills, build stronger relationships, better your situation, or just open yourself up to what life has in store for you. You know how sometimes it feels like putting things off or pretending a problem isn't there is just easier? It's because facing a challenge head-on can be scary or uncomfortable. Procrastination gives us a break from the stress or discomfort, even though it often makes things more stressful later on. Denial is similar—it lets us avoid admitting hard truths about ourselves or our situations, which can protect our egos. In the short term, both procrastination and denial can help us deal with tough emotions or situations, but in the long run, they can hold us back from growing and being truly well. Maybe it’s that talk you need to have, or that habit you need to address, or that chore you need to do….none of it sounds fun, it just sounds hard. So you know what they say, out of sight out of mind. Push it back until we “feel” like doing it. Newsflash, it’s hard so you will never feel like doing it. Is it important, is it good for you, is it good for the other person (if there is one) then get out of your own way and stop self-sabotaging progress! “Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows.” — Michael Landon I love reading about history, even historical fiction. The time is accurate even if the characters are fictitious. I love looking back in time because it reminds me of how far we have come. For instance, if my microwave goes out and I have to warm something the old-fashioned way …well then, I like to remember a simpler time when they first had to make a fire by hand to even start their day. You get my gist. ​​Sourena Vasseghi asks IS IT HARD OR IS IT CHALLENGING on his blogKaitlin Vogel provides some strategies as she asks Feeling Stuck? How to Remove Those Roadblocks on Psych CentralHeidi Godman shares more on Denial: How it hurts, how it helps, and how to cope found on Harvard Health When life feels particularly challenging, it can be tough to navigate through the difficulties. Here are some strategies to help you get over the hump: 1. Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support. Talking about your feelings can help you feel less alone. 2. Practice Self-Care: Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Get enough sleep, eat healthily, exercise, and engage in activities that bring you joy. 3. Break Tasks into Smaller Steps: If you're feeling overwhelmed, break tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Focus on completing one step at a time. 4. Set Realistic Expectations: Be gentle with yourself and set realistic expectations. It's okay to not be perfect or to need help. 5. Focus on What You Can Control: Identify aspects of the situation that you can control and focus your energy there. Let go of things that are beyond your control. 6. Practice Mindfulness or Meditation: These practices can help you stay present and reduce stress and anxiety. 7. Find Meaning: Reflect on the situation and try to find meaning or lessons that can be learned from it. This can help you see the situation in a more positive light. 8. Engage in Activities That Bring You Comfort: Whether it's reading, listening to music, or spending time in nature, engaging in activities that bring you comfort can help you cope with difficult times. 9. Seek Professional Help: If you're struggling to cope, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with tools and strategies to better manage your emotions and stress. 10. Stay Connected: Stay connected with others, even if it's just a brief phone call or text. Social support can be incredibly valuable during tough times.

Remember, it's okay to ask for help when you need it. You don't have to go through difficult times alone. CHALLENGE: Put things in perspective, is it complicated or just hard? Finding a balance between negative and positive thinking involves recognizing and challenging extreme thoughts, considering alternative perspectives, and acknowledging both the challenges and the strengths in any situation. It’s time to take action! I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are digging into the effects of encouragement on building confidence and self-esteem. The definition: the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope. Heartwarming huh? Seems like a simple and uplifting definition but so much to unpack here and explore. We focus so much attention on motivation as the key to driving results, staying on task, and completing a mission but how does encouragement factor in? It's kind of like the chicken and the egg – which comes first, motivation or encouragement? Well, in real life, encouragement often kicks things off. When you're feeling unsure or lacking confidence, a little encouragement can go a long way. It helps you believe that you can actually do something, which then gets you motivated to give it a shot. But hey, sometimes motivation comes first. You might already be pumped up about a goal, and then a bit of encouragement helps you stay on track or get past roadblocks. It’s all about perception and meeting someone where they are. Sometimes encouragement leads the charge and other times, motivation is already there, just waiting for a little boost from some positive vibes. I hope you find this as fascinating as I have for the last seven years. There will be something in here for you, meeting you where you are and something you can pass on, to meet someone else along their journey. Michael Kouly gives us a breakdown and his take on The Power of Encouragement found on LinkedInLet’s explore this idea of encouragement as a practice. Joel Nundy shares The Power of Encouragement | How to Live an Encouraging Lifestyle on his youtube channelDanielle Bernock shares 5 WAYS ENCOURAGEMENT IS POWERFUL found on her blogAt Start My Wellness, Dr, Anton Babushkin shares the difference: How Does Self-Esteem Differ From Self-Confidence? CHALLENGE: Encouragement is a transformative tool, fostering confidence, resilience, growth, and stronger relationships while improving performance and mental health. So don't hold back, offer words of encouragement, and watch the magic unfold as you create a ripple effect of positivity in the world. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…our goal is to find forgiveness so that we may flourish, embracing healing and growth. We’ve all heard it before, holding onto a grudge hurts you more than the other person. Anger begets more anger, and forgiveness and love lead to more forgiveness and love. But forgiving, even ourselves, is no easy business. The seeds of hurt run deep and many make the act of forgiveness but never truly let go and move forward. Fortunately, there is a path and a roadmap to freedom. Start by acknowledging the hurt and your feelings about it. Then, try to understand the perspective of the person who hurt you or your capabilities and accountability. The next step is a decision, decide to forgive, letting go of resentment, and the desire for revenge. When you see the clearing, work on rebuilding trust and moving forward with a focus on healing and growth. Pain is inevitable: suffering is optional. Forgiveness is complex which is both frustrating and assuring. I say this because if taken lightly, we are leading lukewarm lives. With great love comes great sorrow. To be hurt deeply you have to feel deeply so in this it is both a blessing and a curse. I hold no grudges. I can seriously say that. It might be purely selfish but it takes too much energy and focus to hold onto anger. Oh sure, I’ve been wronged, at least it felt that way but then what… If you can’t get the satisfaction of an authentic apology and penance then how do you move forward? You just do because without a satisfactory resolution, it’s a choice to move on without it. It’s important to understand that people are just people, flawed, imperfect, hopefully evolving and growing at their own rate. Not everyone is going to be on your page, respond as you respond, and do as you do. If you didn’t already know that, let me reiterate, move on! Waiting around for this type of utopia is a worthless vigil. "Passion and a zest for life are not defined by extremes; even in moments of lukewarm feelings, choose to be slow to anger and quick to forgive, embracing a balanced and compassionate approach to living." Dr. Tyler J. VanderWeele shares The Power of Forgiveness found at psychologytoday.comDouglas A. Smith, author of the best-selling book – Happiness: The Art of Living with Peace, Confidence and Joy teaches Mastering the Skills of Forgiveness on his blog.Roger Gabriel walks us through 13 Steps That Lead to Forgiveness found at chopra.com1. Acknowledge the mistake: Recognize and accept that you made a mistake or hurt yourself or others. 2. Feel the emotions: Allow yourself to feel any guilt, shame, or regret that may arise from the mistake. 3. Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that you are worthy of forgiveness. 4. Reflect and learn: Reflect on the mistake and consider what you can learn from it to avoid repeating it in the future. 5. Apologize if necessary: If your mistake hurt others, consider apologizing and making amends to those affected. 6. Let go of perfectionism: Accept that you are human and that making mistakes is a natural part of life. 7. Focus on the present: Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on the present moment and how you can move forward in a positive way. 8. Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your feelings and experiences to gain perspective and support.

Forgiving yourself can be a challenging process, but it is an important step toward healing and moving forward in a positive way. CHALLENGE: Forgiveness is a transformative act that can profoundly impact your well-being. By releasing resentment and anger, you free yourself from emotional burdens, leading to increased mental clarity and peace. Embrace forgiveness to cultivate healthier relationships, promote inner healing, and pave the way for a more fulfilling life. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are exploring the importance of connecting and building strong social bridges. No matter where you think you are with your current circles, there is always room to grow, strengthen, and nurture. You may think you’re a loner but we all need someone who has our back, cares what happens to us, and encourages us along our journey. A strong social bridge refers to a meaningful and supportive connection between individuals. It is characterized by trust, mutual respect, and open communication. Strong social bridges provide a sense of belonging, emotional support, and a network of people who can help each other navigate life's challenges. These connections are essential for building a supportive community and promoting overall well-being. When was the last time you looked to your corner for support? It may be time for a little inventory, who’s there for you and who are you there for? Our World in Data bases the following statistics on if you have a conversation with three new people every single day of your life. If you can keep this up for 73 years, you will get to know 80,000 people. That’s more than a hundred times the number of people you’d know by name. This is still a tiny fraction of the world. After a lifetime of speaking with people, you will have spoken to 0.001% of the world’s population. For every person you’ve had a conversation with, there are still 100,000 people you’ve never spoken to. Even if you don’t have the opportunity to meet three new people every day, that’s a lot of people you will encounter in your lifetime. How do you categorize those relationships? Introductions, acquaintances, friends, best friends, family? What prompts a greater investment of your time, attention, and emotion? I’m going to let you think about that as we explore an 85-year Harvard study about what makes us happy, found at cnbc.comMaggie Wooll offers how to Make the connection: 10 effective ways to connect with people found at betterup.comBrian Frohn reminds us to Give What You Want to Get: Enhancing Relationships through Generosity found on LinkedInBefore we go…let’s bring it full circle with Why Social Connections Matter to Your Health found on the Texas A&M youtube page Being connected with others offers a wide range of social benefits, including: 1. Emotional Support: Social connections provide a source of emotional support during difficult times, reducing feelings of loneliness and isolation. 2. Increased Happiness: Interacting with others can boost mood and overall happiness, leading to a more positive outlook on life. 3. Reduced Stress: Strong social connections can help reduce stress levels and improve overall mental health. 4. Improved Self-Esteem: Positive social interactions can enhance self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. 5. Enhanced Resilience: Social support can enhance resilience, helping individuals cope with challenges and bounce back from adversity. 6. Better Physical Health: Research suggests that strong social connections are associated with better physical health outcomes, including a reduced risk of chronic diseases. 7. Longer Life Span: Studies have shown that people with strong social ties tend to live longer than those who are more isolated. 8. Sense of Belonging: Social connections provide a sense of belonging and community, which can lead to a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment.

CHALLENGE: Building strong connections is vital for your well-being, as they provide a support system during challenging times, boost your happiness, and enhance your overall mental health. Be intentional and make connections that reduce stress, increase your sense of belonging, and contribute to a longer, more fulfilling life. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are exploring the impact your mindset has on hope and your future as we lean into producing empowering thoughts. It’s time to stop the hamster wheel of thinking for an important check-in. It’s no secret that our minds are incredibly active, even when we’re sleeping! According to cognitive neuroscientists, we are conscious of only about 5 percent of our cognitive activity, so most of our decisions, actions, emotions, and behavior depends on the 95 percent of brain activity that goes beyond our conscious awareness. It’s time to be intentional and grab a little more of the unconscious market share. We can move in the right direction by shifting our thinking patterns, interrupting negative self-talk, and being willing to embrace the unknown with possibility and hope. If you’re in a rut and think tomorrow holds no promise but to be a repeat of today, then it will. Henry Ford said, "If you think you can or if you think you can't, either way, you're right". So much of your attitude determines success or failure. I remember leading a support group one night and a participant said, “you can’t just be happy, it doesn’t work that way.” I’m not sure whether that statement is right or wrong and I wasn’t insinuating that one could flip a switch but I was encouraging them to choose to move in that direction and in that…you have a choice. Understanding the power you possess to alter your thinking and shift your perception can lead to a future where you are the architect of your own success and fulfillment. Dr. Dan J. Tomasulo shares the Thinking Habits of Highly Hopeful People found at psychologytoday.comMaya Shrikant shares The science of hope: More than wishful thinking found on the ASU websiteJoan Ridsdel at The Family Center gives us 10 Common Negative Thinking Patterns and 5 Steps for Change Changing your mindset to impact hope and your future involves several key shifts in thinking and behavior. Here are some ways you can do this: 1. Focus on the Positive: Train yourself to see the silver lining in every situation. Even in challenging times, there are lessons to be learned and opportunities for growth. 2. Practice Gratitude: Regularly take time to reflect on the things you are grateful for. This can help shift your focus from what you lack to what you have, fostering a sense of hope and abundance. 3. Set Realistic Goals: Break down your long-term goals into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate each milestone you reach, no matter how small, to build momentum and keep hope alive. 4. Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity: Instead of seeing failure as a setback, view it as a stepping stone to success. Learn from your mistakes and use them to fuel your determination. 5. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences: Spend time with people who uplift and inspire you. Their positivity can help reinforce your own hopeful outlook. 6. Visualize Your Future: Take time to envision the future you want for yourself. Visualizing your goals can help make them feel more attainable and keep you motivated. 7. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially in times of difficulty. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend facing a challenge. 8. Stay Flexible: Life is unpredictable, and plans may need to change. Stay open to new opportunities and be willing to adapt your goals as circumstances evolve. 9. Seek Support: Don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. Whether it's from friends, family, or a professional, having a support system can provide comfort and hope.

CHALLENGE: Your mindset shapes your outlook on life, influencing your sense of hope and belief in the future. Cultivating a positive mindset can fuel your determination and resilience, helping you overcome challenges with optimism. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are aligning our passion with impact to create a purposeful fusion. This idea may feel as impossible as seeing a unicorn or finding the funtain of youth. But remember, we are talking about your passion, not someone else's or some predetermined and assigned passion. But I get it. Finding your purpose can be a real challenge. Society often pushes us toward more traditional paths, making it tough to explore what really lights us up inside. With the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it's hard to find a moment to really dig deep and figure out what we're truly passionate about. And let's not forget about the fear factor – the worry of failing or being judged can stop us from taking those leaps of faith into the unknown. Plus, our interests and who we are can change so much over time, adding to the complexity. Finally, not having clear role models or guidance in certain areas can leave us feeling a bit lost. The natural starting point here is to find out what you’re passionate about and for many of us, that could be the biggest challenge. If you’ve spent your life catering to others’ wants, needs, and desires then finding time to do your own deep dive may have been impossible. So for any good journey, let’s start at the beginning. What brings you joy? What lights your soul on fire? What gives you that feeling of fulfillment? What speaks to your heart? I’m not looking for an immediate answer here but these are all important questions to ponder, sit with, and explore. Ikigai is a Japanese concept that unites the joy of life with a sense of purpose. The term is a combination of the Japanese words 'iki' (to live) and 'gai' (reason), which together signify "a reason to live." To guide us on this journey, we are going to explore the intersection of the four essential elements: * Your passion (what you love) * Your vocation (what you're good at) * Your mission (what the world needs) * Your profession (what you can be paid for)

Over at betterup.com Maggie Wooll says The secret to finding your passion isn't looking, it's doingMaggie Wooll to the rescue again with Wondering what you're good at? Here are 10 ways to figure it out found at Betterup.comDr. Alex Lickerman leads us with How To Find Your Mission found at Psychologytoday.com Margie Warrell shines a light with Your Purpose Lies at the Intersection of These 3 Things found at success.com Aligning your passion with impact to create a purposeful fusion involves several key steps: 1. Identify Your Passion: Reflect on what activities, topics, or causes ignite a sense of joy and fulfillment in you. What could you spend hours doing without feeling bored or drained? 2. Assess the World's Needs: Consider the pressing issues, challenges, or gaps in society that resonate with you. What problems do you feel strongly about addressing or solving? 3. Find the Intersection: Look for areas where your passion and the world's needs intersect. This could involve brainstorming ideas, researching existing initiatives, or seeking inspiration from others who have successfully aligned their passions with impactful work. 4. Set Clear Goals: Define specific, measurable goals that reflect the impact you want to make. This could include targets related to community engagement, environmental sustainability, social justice, or other areas aligned with your passion and the world's needs. 5. Take Action: Start taking steps to turn your passion into meaningful action. This might involve volunteering, starting a project or initiative, or exploring career opportunities that align with your purpose. 6. Stay Flexible: Be open to adjusting your approach as you learn and grow. Your understanding of your passion and the world's needs may evolve over time, requiring you to adapt your plans accordingly. 7. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who support your vision and can offer guidance, resources, and encouragement along the way. Collaborating with like-minded individuals or joining communities focused on purpose-driven work can also be beneficial. 8. Reflect and Refine: Regularly reflect on your progress and reassess how well you're aligning your passion with impact. Be willing to refine your approach based on what you learn and experience.

CHALLENGE: Start taking steps to turn your passion into meaningful action. Align your passion with impact to create a purposeful fusion that not only brings fulfillment to your life but also contributes positively to the world around you. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are exploring the phenomenon that is the Blue Zone as we embark on a life that’s thriving and not just surviving. Have you heard about the Blue Zone? Blue Zones are regions around the world where people live much longer than average, often reaching age 100 or older. These areas have been studied for their common lifestyle and environmental factors that contribute to longevity and overall well-being. Who doesn’t want to live longer IF you could feel good, achieve happiness, and be content? That’s the key, long life could be a burden if you are sick, lonely, and unfulfilled. So no matter where you are in your journey, you can pivot your thinking and embrace some new ideas to improve your quality of life and your longevity. Dan Buettner is an explorer, National Geographic Fellow, award-winning journalist and producer, and New York Times bestselling author. He discovered the five places in the world – dubbed blue zones – where people live the longest, healthiest lives. Buettner’s work is now spread across the country in partnership with municipal governments, large employers, and health insurance companies to implement Blue Zones Projects in communities, workplaces, and universities. Blue Zones Projects are well-being initiatives that apply lessons from the blue zones to entire communities by focusing on changes to the local environment, public policy, and social networks. The program has dramatically improved the health of more than 5 million Americans to date. You may have seen his recent Netflix series, Live to be 100 where Dan travels around the world to discover five unique communities where people live extraordinarily long and vibrant lives. It really is a must-see for any age. I was really excited to learn the four principles that span each zone. 1. Eating wisely 2. Moving naturally 3. Connecting with others 4. Having a purpose or outlook

Sounds simple right? Wrong. As I dug into my own perception of health and wellness I saw some skewed thinking and a real opportunity to change the way I looked at some of these things. So let’s dig into each of these to explore what we “thought” and how that might shife with a new perspective. Cathy Wong from Very Well Mind lays out The Blue Zone Diet -How to Eat Like the World’s Longest-Living PeopleOn the Someritus Life Design Center’s website, I found more on the Blue Zone Principle - Move NaturallyAlexa Mikhail from Fortune explains the importance of social connections in the Blue ZonesNell Derick Debevoise shares The Power Of Purpose: How Ikigai Can Help Us Live Longer from the Blue Zone Principals found at forbes.com Here are some key concepts of Blue Zone living: 1. Plant-based Diet: Blue Zone residents typically eat a plant-based diet rich in vegetables, fruits, legumes, and whole grains. They consume meat sparingly, often as a celebratory or small portion. 2. Physical Activity: Regular, natural movement is a part of daily life in Blue Zones. Residents engage in activities like walking, gardening, and manual labor. 3. Social Engagement: Strong social networks and close-knit communities are common in Blue Zones. Regular social interactions and support contribute to overall well-being. 4. Purpose and Meaning: Blue Zone residents often have a strong sense of purpose in life, whether through work, family, or community involvement. Having a reason to wake up each day is linked to longevity. 5. Stress Reduction: Strategies for managing stress, such as taking regular breaks, napping, or praying, are common in Blue Zones. These practices help reduce chronic stress, which is associated with various health issues. 6. Moderate Alcohol: In some Blue Zones, residents enjoy moderate amounts of alcohol, typically in the form of wine, with meals and in social settings. 7. Belonging to a Faith-based Community: Many Blue Zone residents are part of a faith-based community, which provides social support and a sense of belonging. 8. Family First: Blue Zone cultures often prioritize family and intergenerational relationships, with elders being highly respected and involved in family life.

CHALLENGE: Re-evaluate your thinking on what contributes to a happy and healthy life. Be willing to exchange some ideas that may be skewed with new concepts that have healthier payoffs. These principles not only promote longevity but also contribute to a higher quality of life and overall well-being. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are stepping up and taking personal responsibility to achieve true success. Understanding that empowerment comes through accountability. It’s time to own it; your past, present, and future vision. Aim without accuracy is merely wishful thinking, and without taking personal responsibility, growth is impossible. When we take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we gain more control over our lives. This mindset encourages self-reflection, learning from mistakes, and actively seeking opportunities for improvement. It’s easy to throw up your hands and play the blame game while waiting for things to work out on their own. Taking the first step is more challenging but infinitely more rewarding; inventory what didn’t work out, why, how, and what YOU could do to enhance your role and alter the outcome. Ultimately, personal responsibility empowers us to shape our own future and become the best version of ourselves. Taking personal responsibility doesn’t mean owning it ALL, or claiming the sole blame for all failures or unintentional outcomes. It means, looking deep into your life to see how your behavior played a part whether that was a starring role or a supportive character. It’s having the courage to say “Yes, I did it. I was operating on the knowledge I had at the time which was limited and as a result, I acted impulsively without the critical knowledge I needed to make an educated and positive move that protected myself and others.” But, having taken responsibility for my actions, I have learned and grown which will help me avoid similar situations in the future, and for that, I am grateful. Isn’t that so much more positive than playing the blame game full of shame and regret? So if you are scratching your head thinking, I’m not sure I have anything to take responsibility for….keep listening. Odds are you denied your part to quickly recover and move forward. Let’s revisit something to learn some new strategies and develop important tools we can use along our journey. On Solutional’s LinkedIn profile I found The Power of Accountability: Why Taking Responsibility is Key to Personal and Professional SuccessJessica from Wilde About WellBeing coaches us on Taking Responsibility for Our Own Lives: My 5 steps to stop letting your past dictate your future!Megan Newton enlightens us on RESPONSIBILITY VS. BLAME found at evolveinnature.comAndrew Linares shares more on Evolve in Nature with LOST IN THE DRAMA TRIANGLE: UNDERSTANDING THE PARADIGM Taking personal responsibility for our past, present, and future involves a mindset shift and proactive steps to change our behaviors and attitudes. Here are some ways to start: 1. Acknowledge the past: Reflect on past actions and decisions without blame or judgment. Acknowledge mistakes and learn from them, understanding that they have helped shape who you are today. 2. Live in the present: Focus on the present moment and the choices you make now. Take ownership of your current circumstances and actions, knowing that they contribute to your future outcomes. 3. Set goals: Define what you want to achieve in the future and create a plan to get there. Break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps and take action towards them consistently. 4. Own your decisions: Accept that you are responsible for the decisions you make, whether they lead to success or failure. Learn from both outcomes and use them to make better decisions in the future. 5. Practice self-awareness: Pay attention to your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Notice patterns that may be holding you back and take steps to change them. 6. Seek feedback: Be open to feedback from others and use it to grow. Constructive criticism can help you see things from a different perspective and improve your self-awareness. 7. Be accountable: Hold yourself accountable for your actions and outcomes. Avoid making excuses or blaming others for your circumstances. 8. Learn and adapt: Embrace a growth mindset and see challenges as opportunities for learning and growth. Be willing to adapt your approach based on new information or experiences.

CHALLENGE: Taking personal responsibility is an ongoing process that requires self-reflection, resilience, and a commitment to growth. By adopting these practices, you can start taking control of your life and shaping a more fulfilling future. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show….we are striving to embrace growth through recovery as we set out to reclaim YOU. We are embarking on a profound journey of self-discovery and transformation. It requires courage, resilience, and a willingness to ebrace change. Are you ready? Oh boy, that’s the question. How many times have you found yourself at a crossroads knowing you need to make a change but unsure about the next step? What to do and if you are capable enough to do it. Let’s first define recovery: a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. The action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost. What has been stolen or lost? We can all dig into our bag of regrets to find something we wish we could undo and to regain something we no longer have. By focusing on personal growth and self-empowerment, you can reclaim your authentic self and create a life that is meaningful and fulfilling. So that’s our aim. We are looking to regain our sense of self through discovery and awareness. Your recovery journey is personal but you shouldn’t go it alone. In fact, in my mind, it’s the second step - reach out for help after the first, surrendering to the idea that you aren’t able to do it alone. News flash, if unhealthy habits were easy to overcome our human statistics would look a lot different. Celebrate Recovery broadens their reach by addressing HURTS, HABITS, AND HANGUPS in their 12-step program offered in 20,000 churches around the world. CR adds the Spirit to the mix to help heal people suffering from addiction and abuse. The program addresses not just alcoholism and drug addiction, but also codependency, depression, eating disorders, gambling, sexual addiction, and sexual abuse. A “hurt” could be classified as any life experience that may have damaged your heart, some offense against you that crippled your ability to deal with the world in a healthy way. “Habits” tend to be unhealthy patterns that often start as a perceived “remedy” for some problem in your life, but end up turning into a chronic bad behavior or addiction. Habits are the repeat, default scripts you run to when the going gets tough and continually leads to trouble in your life. “Hang-ups” are those roadblocks that keep you from progressing further in God’s plan for your life. They are often shaped by some bent thinking you may have received as a child, or some unhealthy attitude you may have adopted as a means of coping with life’s challenges. If you’re interested in checking them out…you can Google Celebrate Recovery programs in your area to find meeting times and places. Maybe, you’re just at the beginning stages of understanding where you are in your life in order to come to terms with the potential of making a change….HEY, that’s a starting point so keep listening! On Jordan Traver’s blog, I found a good roadmap to get started: 3 Simple Steps to Launch Your Self-Discovery JourneyIn the Skills2Build4Life Newsletter offered on Linkedin, I found more information on Self-Discovery: The First Step Towards Building Self-AwarenessAt royallifecenters.com I found The Spiritual Principles of Recovery: 12 Ways You Can Practice Them Every Day Reclaiming yourself through recovery is a deeply personal journey that involves healing and growth. While the exact steps may vary from person to person, here are some general guidelines: 1. Recognize the Need for Change: Acknowledge that you want to make a change in your life and commit to the recovery process. 2. Seek Support: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, therapists, and support groups who can help you through your recovery journey. 3. Educate Yourself: Learn about your condition or addiction, including its causes, effects, and treatment options. Knowledge can empower you to make informed decisions. 4. Set Goals: Define clear, achievable goals for your recovery. These goals can be small, manageable steps that help you stay focused and motivated. 5. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Replace unhealthy behaviors with positive coping strategies, such as mindfulness, exercise, or creative activities. 6. Practice Self-Care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This includes getting enough rest, eating healthily, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. 7. Address Underlying Issues: Identify and address any underlying issues that may have contributed to your condition or addiction, such as trauma or mental health disorders. 8. Celebrate Your Progress: Recognize and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. This can help you stay motivated and focused on your recovery goals. 9. Stay Committed: Recovery is a lifelong process, and setbacks are a natural part of the journey. Stay committed to your recovery goals and seek help when you need it. 10. Help Others: Once you have made progress in your own recovery, consider helping others who are going through similar challenges. Sharing your experiences can be a source of strength and inspiration for others.

CHALLENGE: Recovery is a unique and individual journey, so it's important to find what works best for YOU. Remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate the ups and downs of the recovery process. Lean into your support as you learn and grow! I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show… we are truly looking into the mirror as we come face to face with a needed shift in perspective, nurturing our body to build a loving partnership. Do you treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would a loved one? We can all shake our heads yes but let’s be honest, what you think about yourself in the privacy of your own mind you would never say out loud to a friend. We often compare ourselves to others, especially in the age of social media where idealized images are prevalent. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism. Negative experiences, such as bullying or criticism, can contribute to low self-esteem and a negative body image. These experiences can linger and influence how we see ourselves. Enough is enough. You were assigned this body for better or worse. Depending on your beliefs your soul may live forever but this body has an expiration date. It’s time to appreciate your body for all it does for you. Focus on its strengths and abilities rather than perceived flaws to create a true partnership. This topic has surfaced for me recently as I’ve been dealing with my own health and the breakdown of my body. My husband told me that he listens to his body, is in tune, and in fact, has created a partnership with is body. One body and mind….literally. This was kind of a revelation for me since it shifted my perspective. I hadn’t considered this kind of closeness or comradery with my body before. Oh sure, it has served me well over the years but it has also provided a few disappointments, some valid and some not. Let’s start with the positive…I’ve had three beautiful children. I wasn’t able to have natural childbirth but we completed the job all the same. I was a dancer for many years and at one point, taught aerobics, managed a gym, and was a personal trainer. Ok …now some of the disappointments. Unlike Stretch Armstrong, my body didn’t always bounce back like elastic but instead left a few unsightly scars. The vertebrae in my back proved to be rather weak and for some reason didn’t stand up to a desk job tied to a computer. Oh and age … Well, let’s not even go there right now. The point is, that I need a new attitude and a stronger and healthier relationship with my body. And guess what, a shift in perspective is the fastest way to get it so hang in there, let’s get to work. Setting the stage for this discussion, I found some interesting facts on the Mt Hood CC website about Body ImageMartha Kauppi shares how to Make Lifestyle Changes From a Body-Positive Perspective, Hating yourself into change is a surefire way to lose ground found at psychologytoday.comAlexa from The Living Well shares her story on How To Heal: Shifting Your Perspective on Health Shifting your body image from vanity to health involves changing your perspective and priorities. Here are some strategies to help you make this shift: 1. Focus on Functionality: Instead of obsessing over how your body looks, focus on what it can do. Appreciate your body for its strength, agility, and resilience. 2. Set Health Goals: Instead of setting goals based on appearance, such as losing weight or achieving a certain body shape, set goals that prioritize your health and well-being, such as improving cardiovascular fitness or increasing flexibility. 3. Practice Mindfulness: Be present in your body and listen to its cues. Pay attention to how different foods, activities, and behaviors make you feel, and make choices that support your overall health and vitality. 4. Diversify Your Self-Worth: Cultivate a sense of self-worth that is not solely based on your appearance. Recognize and celebrate your talents, skills, and qualities that have nothing to do with how you look. 5. Challenge Societal Norms: Recognize that societal beauty standards are often unrealistic and unattainable. Challenge these norms and redefine beauty based on diversity, inclusivity, and individuality. 6. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and treat yourself with the same care and compassion that you would a loved one. Acknowledge that your worth is not determined by your appearance. 7. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you. Seek out communities or groups that promote body positivity and self-acceptance. 8. Seek Professional Help: If you struggle to shift your body image or it negatively impacts your mental health, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you work through these issues.

CHALLENGE: Focus on your health and well-being rather than your appearance, to help cultivate a more positive and sustainable body image that will be rooted in self-care and self-compassion. By doing this, you will build a loving partnership grounded in mutual respect and acceptance. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…our goal is to dig deep and find the resilience within as we aim to navigate healing with a positive mindset. It is a fact of neurology that the brain cannot be in a state of appreciation and a state of fear at the same time. The two states may alternate but are mutually exclusive. But how can you find gratitude and positivity when facing the fear of the unknown? Whether you’ve been delivered an unwelcomed diagnosis, struggling to transition to a healthier lifestyle, or facing the inevitable aging process, research suggests that a positive mindset can have tangible effects on physical health and healing. But breaking down is hard and upsetting and why common sentiments for Get Well Soon cards include patience, looking at the brighter side, and a speedy recovery. With any process though, there are always ups and downs and an ample supply of setbacks which can certainly test your resolve. So hang in there! Our goal is to connect some of these thoughts to let you know, you aren’t alone and to give you some strategies that might illuminate the dark spots and give you motivation to move forward when you feel stuck. I wanted to cover this topic as I continue to dig deep to fuel my own resilience. Before I share my own struggles, let me put things into perspective, I am beyond blessed. Besides three surgeries to bring my wonderful children into the world and one surgery to end that era, I have been extremely healthy my whole life. Besides two vitamin gummies a day, I’m fortunate not to be in need of any medication. I rarely get sick and am almost always in a good mood. Very blessed. For 15 years though, I have dealt with back and neck issues. Now, I wish I had an incredible story to go along with these injuries like fighting crime and saving the world but I don’t. I have sat myself to death. Once a dancer, outside sales rep, and even a personal trainer, since 2002 I’ve sat at a desk doing software sales, marketing, and management. Technology is so convenient, bringing the word to you, where you sit but no one really thought of the damage it could do to your body by not forcing you to go out and get it. A complete breakdown in your foundational structure, your spine. Humans are built to stand upright. Your heart and cardiovascular system work more effectively that way. Around 82% of all workers spend the majority of their working day seated. For the average desk worker, this is often 9 hours or more. 65% of these people develop musculoskeletal (MSK) issues like back pain. And I’m not sure how related your vertebrae are, I mean they sit so close together, and for some, bone on bone. But I’m sure they talk because when one has a problem, it doesn’t take long before others are catching on. Let’s start unpacking these ideas starting with the elephant in the room, Planning for positivity: Finding the bright side when you’re dealing with a chronic condition found at optum.comElizabeth Perry shares more info on Hardship and the mind-body connection: the effects of low resilience found at betterup.comAt the National Institute of Health I found Positive Emotions and Your Health - Developing a Brighter Outlook By incorporating these practices into your daily life, you can navigate the healing process with a positive mindset, empowering yourself to overcome obstacles and emerge stronger on the other side. 1. Acceptance: Acknowledge your current situation and accept it without judgment. Recognize that healing is a process and setbacks are normal 2. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Celebrate small victories and progress, no matter how incremental. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction. 3. Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding during the healing process. Be gentle with yourself and avoid self-criticism. 4. Optimistic Outlook: Cultivate a hopeful and optimistic attitude. Believe in your ability to heal and overcome challenges. 5. Mindfulness and Presence: Practice mindfulness to stay present in the moment and avoid dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. 6. Surround Yourself with Support: Seek out a supportive network of friends, family, or professionals who can provide encouragement and assistance when needed. 7. Healthy Habits: Take care of your physical and mental well-being by maintaining healthy habits such as exercise, nutritious eating, and adequate sleep. 8. Gratitude: Focus on the things you are grateful for, even during difficult times. Gratitude can help shift your perspective and promote a positive mindset. 9. Visualization and Affirmations: Use visualization techniques and positive affirmations to envision your healing journey and reinforce your belief in a positive outcome. 10. Seek Professional Help: Don't hesitate to seek professional support if needed, whether it's therapy, counseling, or medical treatment. A trained

CHALLENGE: Finding resilience and staying positive during the healing process is essential for promoting overall well-being, facilitating physical and emotional recovery, and empowering you to overcome adversity and thrive in the face of challenges. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are unveiling the dual nature of habits. How habits can boost your success or block your growth. What is your habitual power play? Striking a balance and cultivating self-awareness can help you leverage the positive aspects of your habits while addressing those that may be holding you back. Let’s face it, we all have habits and routines that guide us throughout our lives. But let’s be clear: A habit is a behavior done with little or no thought, while a routine is a series of actions regularly followed. Both can straighten out the twists and curves of a day or leave us in a mindless rut…the line can be very thin. While habits can be powerful tools for success, it's essential to be mindful of negative habits that may hinder progress. Who doesn’t love a good morning shower brainstorm? This would be a routine that I see as beneficial. Warm water and a mindless routine that provides a distraction-free meeting of the mind. Now….if you could just take notes that would be super helpful. I usually have endless great ideas that I can hardly remember after the toweling-off process. What about you? Do you have a morning routine that you relish? Sugar-free vanilla or better yet, pumpkin spice creamer would be the habit that isn’t contributing in a positive way. As we proceed, think about your daily routines and habits to explore what might need further evaluation. Over at CNBC Make It I found some popular thoughts to get us started: Your key to success, says attention expert: The difference between ‘habits’ and ‘routines’Anne-Laure Le Cunff helps with tips on how to Design Better Habits, Routines, and Rituals with the Intentionality Curve found at nesslabs.comStephen Altrogg provides 12 morning and evening routines that will set up each day for success found at zapier.com Habits, while often beneficial, can also pose challenges and hinder personal growth in various ways. Here are some ways in which habits can block growth: 1. Comfort Zone Trap: Habits create comfort, and when they become too ingrained, they can create a comfort zone that resists change. Growth often requires stepping out of this zone and embracing new challenges. 2. Resistance to Change: Habits resist change by their very nature. When growth necessitates adapting to new circumstances or acquiring new skills, rigid habits may hinder the flexibility needed for personal development. 3. Negative Habits: Unhealthy or counterproductive habits can have detrimental effects on personal growth. Habits such as procrastination, self-doubt, or excessive self-criticism can impede progress and hinder the pursuit of goals. 4. Stagnation: Habits, if not regularly reassessed, can lead to a sense of stagnation. Growth requires a continuous process of learning, adapting, and evolving, which may be hindered by sticking to the same routines. 5. Limiting Beliefs: Habits can reinforce limiting beliefs about one's capabilities. If habits are formed based on past experiences or self-perceptions, they may create barriers to exploring new possibilities and realizing untapped potential. 6. Lack of Exploration: Being too tied to existing habits might prevent individuals from exploring new interests, industries, or perspectives. Growth often involves stepping into the unknown and embracing unfamiliar experiences. 7. Mindless Habits: Engaging in habits mindlessly without reflection can lead to missed opportunities for growth. Being unaware of the impact of habits on personal development may result in missed chances for improvement. 8. Failure to Adapt: In a rapidly changing world, adaptability is a crucial trait for growth. Habits that resist change may hinder an individual's ability to adapt to new circumstances and capitalize on emerging opportunities.

CHALLENGE: Regularly assess and adjust your habits, especially when pursuing personal or professional growth. Remember, developing a growth mindset means being open to change, and consciously cultivating habits that align with your growth objectives. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are rising strong by overcoming disappointment and embracing resilience for a brighter tomorrow. Do you believe this is within your power? Can you simply stand against the feelings of disappointment, rewriting your today and tomorrow? The way forward starts with one step. But sometimes this can feel like a large leap of faith. How do you deal with disappointment? For some, it stops them in their track, and finding a way through it can be challenging. Developing the ability to handle disappointments can lead to a more optimistic outlook on life. It helps you focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems, fostering a positive and forward-thinking mindset. I hate to be in a bad mood. And besides a good blue binge-worthy day in bed, I enjoy being upbeat. Because of this, I have the ability to quickly move to problem-solving. This may look like I don’t have deep emotions or go through painful times and that isn’t true but brooding and ruminating is a choice and when you can’t change the past, I don’t see any reason to hang out there. As with everything it seems it comes down to shifting your perspective. Maggie Wooll offers 5 proven ways to deal with disappointment found at betterup.comLuka informs us that Not Having Expectations Is a Trap found at mindfulled.comArlin Cuncic helps us understand How to Embrace Radical Acceptance found at verywellmind.com Getting over disappointment can be a challenging but essential process for personal growth and well-being. Remember: 1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel the disappointment rather than suppressing it. Recognize and validate your emotions. 2. Acceptance: Understand that disappointment is a natural part of life. Accept that things don't always go as planned and that it's okay to experience setbacks. 3. Perspective Shift: Try to see the bigger picture. Consider whether the situation will matter in the long run and whether there might be hidden opportunities or lessons. 4. Learn from the Experience: Reflect on the disappointment and identify any lessons you can take away from it. Use it as an opportunity for personal and emotional growth. 5. Set Realistic Expectations: Evaluate whether your expectations were realistic. Adjusting your expectations can help prevent future disappointments. 6. Talk About It: Share your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Sometimes, expressing your emotions can provide relief and valuable insights. 7. Focus on What You Can Control: Concentrate on aspects of the situation that you have control over. Shifting your focus to actionable steps can empower you. 8. Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone experiences disappointment, and it doesn't define your worth or abilities. 9. Engage in Self-Care: Take care of your physical and mental well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. 10. Look Forward: Instead of dwelling on the disappointment, focus on the future. Set new goals and make plans that align with your values and aspirations.

CHALLENGE: Learning to handle disappointments is not just about coping with the negative emotions that arise from setbacks; it's about developing a set of skills and attitudes that contribute to overall personal development and well-being. Learn more, loosen your grip, and let go. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we become keenly aware of how our lenses may be tinted as we navigate the impact personal experiences can have on our perspectives. Which tint are you viewing your world through; rose, violet, jaded, or mirrored? Maybe you aren’t even aware that the lines you draw in the sand were actually started and passed down by someone else. Not unlike limiting beliefs, our perception of any situation is subject to ideas we formulated long before challenges arose. The good news is, as we accumulate more experiences, our perspective can evolve. And if we’re open to digging into the discovery process to identify the level of “tint” we’re dealing with we have the opportunity to push back on outdated beliefs and embrace new ideas and opinions. So whether your head is stuck in the sand, in the clouds, or between a rock and a hard place, there is always wiggle room. What typically stands in our way? Of course, ourselves. We tend to defend beliefs, taking opposing ideas to the mat. Why is that…. age-old question without a clear answer? People like to be right and they generally pick through ideas, clinging to the ones that support how they feel instead of challenging what they think. So hang in there. I’m not here to challenge you toe to toe, just ask you to be open to understanding yourself better and be curious to learn more. Hanan Parvez gets us started with How our past experiences shape our personality found at psychmechanics.comDr. Elyssa Barbash shares some insight on Perspective: The Difference Maker in Memories & Experiences found at psychologytoday.comAmaya Pryce shares her own story with It’s All About Perception: You Can Look Through the Lens of Love or Fear found at tinybuddha.com Past experiences play a pivotal role in shaping our perspective of ourselves and the world around us. Here are several ways in which this happens: 1. Formation of Beliefs and Values: Our past experiences contribute to the development of our belief systems and values. Positive experiences may reinforce certain beliefs, while negative experiences can challenge or alter them. 2. Cognitive Filters: Past experiences act as cognitive filters through which we interpret new information. These filters influence how we perceive events, people, and situations, often leading to biased interpretations based on past encounters. 3. Emotional Imprints: Emotional experiences leave imprints on our memory and influence our emotional responses to similar situations in the future. Traumatic events, for example, can create lasting emotional associations that impact our reactions. 4. Self-Identity: Personal experiences contribute to the formation of our self-identity. Successes, failures, and significant life events shape how we perceive ourselves, influencing our self-esteem and self-worth. 5. Cultural and Social Context: Past experiences within cultural and social contexts shape our worldview. Cultural upbringing, societal norms, and shared experiences with others contribute to the lens through which we view the world. 6. Learning and Adaptation: Experiences provide opportunities for learning and adaptation. Positive experiences may reinforce certain behaviors, while negative experiences prompt adjustments in behavior to avoid similar outcomes. 7. Memory Biases: Our memory is not always an accurate representation of past events. Memory biases can distort our recollection, leading to a selective and subjective interpretation of our experiences. 8. Perspective Shifts Over Time: As we accumulate more experiences, our perspective can evolve. What once seemed significant or insurmountable may take on a different meaning as we gain new insights and learn from additional life events.

CHALLENGE: This is the time to explore how your past experiences have shaped your perspective, allowing you to be more aware of any biases and preconceptions that may be holding you back. Open the door to personal growth, empathy, and a more nuanced understanding of yourself and the world I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are going beyond what you may feel are your limits as we test your boundaries to reach unprecedented growth. Let’s embark on a transformative journey that equips you with the skills and mindset needed to navigate the complexities of life with resilience and confidence. Are you stuck in a rut? Hit what feels like a ceiling of potential? Or maybe year after year it feels like you are regressing instead of pushing forward and persevering. Wherever you feel trapped, reach out because there is so much more to be had. It starts with your desire for more and then your willingness to embrace new ideas that may feel unfamiliar or disagreeable. Your comfort zone might be holding you hostage and limiting your possibilities. It’s time for a breakthrough that starts with pushing back against the same-o, same-o. "Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life."—Herbert Otto What type of life experimentation have you seized? If you’re at the door, what are you waiting for? Jason Wrobel from Wanderlust kicks it off with Get Uncomfortable: Why Boundary-Pushing is Essential for GrowthRebecca Fryer at forcebrands.com shares How to Push Your Boundaries to Achieve Big ThingsHannah Van Horn shares more about Limiting Beliefs: How They Hold You Back and How to Break Free found at dayoneapp.com CHALLENGE: Personal growth is a continuous process, and by consistently testing your boundaries, you unlock untapped potential, leading to a more resilient, adaptable, and fulfilled version of yourself. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are exploring your personal brand as we craft and cultivate your narrative. Crafting your own personal narrative involves intentionally shaping and defining the story of who you are, what you stand for, and how you present yourself to the world. It goes beyond a mere collection of facts about your life; it's about curating a compelling and authentic narrative that communicates your values, experiences, and aspirations. Do you visually and verbally represent what you find important on your daily walk? Are you living your best life? Does that sound like work? Well, anything worth doing is worth doing well. Don’t leave your brand up for misinterpretation. Be clear and concise. Live it, breathe it, and walk the walk. If you stopped today, what type of story would your body of work tell? If you don’t see any compelling twists and turns, heart-warming interactions, or an inspiring outcome, you may have more work to do and investments to make. Living your best life is not coasting along, adapting yourself to get over every challenge or through every narrow pass. Start carving your own path and blazing your own trail. Right now, you have what it takes and the only thing holding you back is you. Kathy Caprino kicks us off with How To Create Your Legacy And Sell Yourself Through Your Personal Brand found at forbes.comAt brandcredential.com I found 7 Essential Personal Brand Traits to Help You Stand OutAllaya Cooks-Campbell enlightens with The importance of knowing yourself: your key to fulfillment found at betterup.com CHALLENGE: Crafting your personal narrative is an ongoing process that involves self-discovery, refinement, and adaptation. It's a powerful tool, helping you shape how you are perceived and creating a cohesive and compelling story that reflects the essence of who you are. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are navigating the unknown of goal setting when you’re unsure of what you even want. We’ve all felt the pressure and have been questioned at the start of any new year, “What are your goals?” “What’s your plan?” “Where do you see yourself this time next year?” Whether you pull out your journal, spreadsheet, digital goal app, or the back of a used envelope, creating goals isn’t always easy. Then they have to be SMART: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. OH, the pressure! So where do you start? An easy jumping-off point is your career: where are you and where do you want to be? Your personal life: what’s important to you and what do you want to add or subtract? Personal growth: what do you need to adopt and what do you need to abandon? Soul searching is tough and because of that, hard to stay focused. Pull out a piece of paper, grab a pen, and let’s start figuring some things out. This is the essential work before the work if you want to include another S - SUCCESSFUL. Allaya Cooks-Campbell kicks us off with some thought-provoking and essential questions, What do you want in life? 11 questions and tips to figure it out…found at betterup.comOver at Driven Woman I found a little extra help on HOW TO SET GOALS IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANTOn Larry Weidel’s website, Weidel on Winning, I found the pitfalls of No Motivation, No Goals, No Dreams = An Undeniable Nothing CHALLENGE: Remember, the process of figuring out what you want is ongoing. It's okay if your goals evolve over time. Be open to reassessing and adjusting your objectives as needed. Self-discovery is not one and done but a journey so settle in. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are crafting meaningful new chapters as we navigate the sadness of traditions in transition. Change is hard, no need to sugarcoat it as we do everything else around the holidays. Families grow and families shrink but what doesn’t change are the seasons. Therefore our flexibility and evolution are paramount to successfully navigate all the changes. For some, we merely adapt and roll with the punches but for others, we have to take the helm and create new memories and purpose. What each must share is an openness and willingness to embrace this ever-changing landscape with love. Most people are just doing their best. Have you ever stepped back or I should say stepped up for that kind of vantage point? On average, everyone is just trying to do their best. No one has everything figured out and everyone is going through something now, then, or yet to come so have patience and approach every situation with kindness and understanding. With that said traditions are an important part of our development and shouldn’t be overlooked… Dr. Kimberly Key explains Why Traditions MatterHow vacations, celebrations, and cherished routines increase health. Found at psychologytoday.com Jean Holthaus provides strategies on NAVIGATING LOSS AND CHANGE DURING THE HOLIDAYS found at pinerest.orgTimesfreepress.com posted Chattanooga social worker, shares how to overcome mental-health obstacles during the holiday seasonWritten by Sarah DolginRandi Mazzella helps us transition with When Family Traditions End — and How to Start New Ones found at nextavenue.orgAt GR8 Relationships I found info on the 7 Stages and 8 Steps of a Blended Family CHALLENGE: Transitioning your traditions involves open communication, a willingness to embrace change, and an understanding that creating new traditions doesn't diminish the value of the old ones but rather allows for growth and adaptation. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are tackling midlife challenges as we navigate through frustration to find fulfillment and gratitude. Whether you’re in a season of discontent, full-out frustration, or downright crisis, there is something in here for you. Crisis sounds so fatal but let’s start with a definition so we’re all on the same page: Crisis is a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger. Nothing is broken here but rather a chance to get to know yourself better as you learn what’s working and what isn’t. If life’s plan is to evolve yourself as a human being on a journey of self-discovery, then a snag or two along the way seems more than reasonable. Our brain, the powerful engine in partnership with our heart can sometimes get out of alignment. With self-awareness and a commitment to weather the storm, you can adopt new ideas and strategies to help you over the hump or humps. So, with that in mind… On forbes.com, Shelby Simon opens up with information on Midlife Crisis: Signs, Causes And TreatmentsFRANK J. INFURNA gives some insight on Why Midlife Is So Hard—Especially Now found on the Greater Good Magazine website from BerkleyCrystal Raypole questions Midlife Crisis or Midlife Myth? What to Know About Going ‘Over the Hill’ found at healthline.comOn roadtotheunknown.com I found a valuable practice The 4 A’s of Gratitude: A Comprehensive Guide CHALLENGE: Remember that everyone's journey through a midlife crisis is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Understand that change is a natural part of life, and growth often comes from challenges. Embrace this opportunity for personal development. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show… we are going beyond the banter as we dive deeper into conversations elevating small talk into transformative connections. Always looking for something interesting to say that doesn’t involve the weather, the state of the union, or the latest child’s milestone? You may not be alone. Social media keeps us somewhat connected on “what’s new” or the cracked window we are willing to open when it comes to our personal lives. But how can we create more meaningful relationships if we can’t find opportunities to open up? A chance meeting in the grocery store or in line at an event isn’t the right environment to go deeper so we may need to carve out the time and encourage thoughtful communication. When was the last time you connected with a friend to chat? Not a txt string or a quick phone call but an intentional “catch-up”? I venture to say we talk about it more than we do it. In this instant, good intentions don’t count. “Hey let’s grab lunch.” “We really should make more time to get together”. “It’s been ages since we caught up”. Smile, kiss kiss, and move on for another day when everyone has more time. News flash….more time is an exchange, not an addition. You have to reset priorities to find more time plain and simple. Make it a priority when the opportunity is there….”Hey let’s grab lunch…..I have my calendar open, how about next Tuesday at 11:30AM at Mario’s?” Let’s check out the research to motivate us to go deeper…deal? On the Washington Post, I found why Small talk is boring. Our research shows how you can do better.Arlin Cuncic bails us out with Small Talk Topics - The Best and Worst Things to Talk AboutAt loopward.com I found some answers about why “I can’t hold a conversation” 3 Reasons Why and How to ImproveOn the Silver and Fit blog, I found The Joy of Replacing Small Talk With Deep Conversations CHALLENGE: The benefits of moving beyond small talk extend beyond the immediate conversation, positively impacting relationships, personal growth, and overall well-being. After the opener, ask thoughtful questions and listen to understand. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are untangling our minds as we strive to decode the web of warped thinking and codependency. In the intricate tapestry of human relationships, certain threads can become entangled, creating knots that affect our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Warped thinking, also known as distorted thinking or cognitive distortions, refers to patterns of thought that are irrational, negative, and often contribute to emotional distress. Don’t worry, there are different degrees of warp from slightly askew to extreme torque. But here’s the good news, nothing is broken here and with a little work and a shift in perspective, you can open up a whole new world of thinking. Raise your hand if you’ve ever had good intentions to take a radical turn to manipulation and control. Too soon…ok, hang in there. Maybe you know something is off but you’re just not sure why or how. It seems like you’re always left holding the bag and things never turn out the way you had hoped. By the way, just using the words “always” and “never” means you’re listening at the right time. When left unchecked, warped thinking can become a breeding ground for unhealthy behaviors and relationships. So thanks for checking in and making the commitment to learn more. Let’s dive in… At breakingthecycles.com I found some foundational information to get us started: Cognitive Distortions – When Reality Isn’t What You Think | by expert Darlene Lancer, JD, MFTGoodtherapy.org is a great place to learn more about what you might be dealing with. I found a breakdown of CodependencyAt medicalnewstoday.com I found an important difference on Codependence vs. Dependence that I think we need to exploreElizabeth Woods helps us explore this idea of Healing Your Wounded “Inner Child” found at the Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Foundation CHALLENGE: Untangling the web of warped thinking and codependency is a journey that requires self-reflection, courage, and a commitment to personal growth. Take your time, you’re worth it! I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are rising together by navigating life’s challenges with perspective and empathy. No matter what age you are I think we can all agree, that life delivers some rough patches, knee-buckling blows, and what may feel like unsurmountable issue after issue. But guess what, just like your miraculous body has incredible self-healing capabilities, so does your resolve. The survival instinct is like a powerful toolbox loaded with things like will, problem-solving, adrenaline, logical thinking..just to name a few. We also have anger, fear, panic-grief, care, pleasure/lust, and play. Interestingly, it is thought that the most powerful instinct is “seeking”. Something that we generally give little thought or credence to. This is the instinct that moves us to explore our environment in order to meet our needs. All this to say, hang in there it may not be as bad as it seems and if it is, you’ve got skills to tap into to right the situation and get you moving forward. Five hundred years ago, Michel de Montaigne said: "My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened." Before you hitch up your saddle feathers, proclaiming the sky is falling let’s take a much-needed pause to figure some things out. At Resilience Dynamic I found some important definitions: Why Perspective Matters: Understanding the Importance of Different ViewpointsNicky Edwards builds on these thoughts over at Dandelion Development and Training: The importance of gaining different perspectivesOver at intelligentchange.com I found some other ideas: 6 Ways to Deal With Daily Challenges and ObstaclesSteve Rizzo shares some insight on: You Are Bigger Than Any Challenge found at success.comOn Habitat for Humanity, I found some good information on HOW HELPING OTHERS CAN IMPROVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH CHALLENGE: Take a moment before you react to put each challenge you face into perspective. Reach out for help with problem-solving versus isolating with your issues. All boats rise when we lift those around us. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are gearing up for festive family functions by setting clear boundaries that encourage us to engage while focusing on our own self-care. Now that might sound like another thing to tackle like cleaning the bathroom, changing the sheets, removing the dog hair, and setting the table but just wait. With the right balance, you can manage both with ease. Picture it, some soulful jazz in the background, festive candles a glow scenting the room and setting the mood. With the food prep completed and an hour left on the turkey, you’ve got your feet up enjoying a little pumpkin spice latte allowing yourself a well-deserved break before company arrives and…….the dorbell rings. Goodbye serenity hello familia dysfunction and soon-to-be heartburn. Happy Holidays! Sound familiar? I’m not sure how it goes down in your world but for many of us, this rings true. Maybe you only have to get yourself ready and a onepot wonder to contribute. You park at the back for an easy exit and have no problem with excusing yourself and packing up your leftovers before you have a chance to hit the hot seat. Maybe you have already established some clear boundaries and scenes like these are a thing of the past. Congratulations. For everyone else, hang in there. Finding harmony during family functions can feel like an ill-fated attempt but don’t we want a picture-perfect holiday? So let’s dig in and gain some new insights on setting boundaries for a blissful family function. At medcircle.com I found more information on Understanding the Definition of Boundaries to kick us offKristen Lee Ed.D., LICSW answers the question Why Is It So Hard to Set Boundaries? Found at psychologytoday.comOn the Better Health channel I found some insight into Family Conflict CHALLENGE: Take a big breath and a step back. Use gratitude as your platform to build a functional and festive family get-together. Lead by example, sharing your calm and welcoming light even when chaos threatens to extinguish it. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are letting go and free-falling into our best life, embracing our journey, and searching for meaning. The description, of your best life, can be as subjective as they come. I think we can all agree that this involves some level of happiness, realized dreams, and measurable success but the degree to which you reach it can vary dramatically from person to person. We must also recognize that the path to get there is personal and rarely a straight shot. How do our twists and turns factor in? To embrace our journey we have to start with acceptance, good or bad. Then we need to take responsibility so that we can find the learning that may be buried behind guilt, shame, or denial. Then we need to pack our bags with the good stuff, let go of the bad stuff, and with a renewed commitment to growth, carry on with our venture through life. Defining what “best” means to you may change as you do and that’s ok. Be flexible in your definitions as you learn more for others, from yourself, and life. Let me tell you about Granny, my husband’s grandmother who turned 100 on Veteran’s Day. Being a former Marine during WWII, this was especially meaningful. Granny lives her best life. Her parents were Italian immigrants who settled in Milwaukee. She married a military man and had 11 children. They moved around for his career, settling outside of St. Louis, MO. Granny lives a life of service, to her family, her church, the area children through education, and to her community. She is an avid reader, writer, and piano player. Her positive spirit and passion for life have kept her spry for a century. It doesn’t take long to hear how grateful she is in any conversation. She doesn’t focus on the struggles that you would expect a child who lived through the depression to do, instead, she talks about gratitude for all the experiences she was fortunate enough to have. For the people she has met, for the family she was blessed with, and the love she gave and received. Granny sets the bar pretty high in my book but what I’ve learned from her you get back what you give. She is so loved because she so loved. Over at wanderlustworker.com I found You Get What You Put Out Into The WorldLucy Gower shares How to Live Your Best Life Starting Today found at lifehack.org CHALLENGE: Decide how you want your best life to look and focus your efforts on putting that out into the world. Feel love by giving it; heart, mind, and soul. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are checking the personality pantry, exploring artful combinations and disastrous duos as we concoct the right recipe. Not all optimists should be created equal just like not all fatalists are wrong. Understanding who you are, what makes you tick, and what you’re drawn to in another human is important. A good blend is someone who lifts you up vs tears you down. I think we can all agree on that. Regardless of your current state, you can change infusing more of what you’re lacking by changing yourself and/or your surroundings. What traits are you drawn to? What traits do you excuse or immerse yourself in? It’s hard to want a sunnier disposition if you continue to encircle yourself with clouds. I love this idea of a recipe. My husband and I had a season of creating ice cream. I say season because for a summer, we were all in. We bought the ice cream maker, researched recipes, brainstormed our future ice cream business (including names and logos), and of course….. thoroughly taste-tested our product. In fact, friends were curious about how we had room in the freezer for the ice cream we had created…HUH? There should be extra? We actually got pretty good and it’s because we found the right base to build off of. All good ice cream recipes start with a base. Then you add the different flavors and elements to that base but the base provides the consistency. What is your personality base? What kind of mood do you experience with consistency? If you are primarily happy and optimistic then enthusiasm and joy aren’t a stretch. But if you are pessimistic and angry then humor and contentment might be harder to reach. So let’s strive for a consistent positive base on which to build. Deal? Nato Lagidze starts us off with The Power of Positive Thinking: 10 Personality Traits of Optimistic People found at ideapod.comSonia McDonald shares in the Leadership Recipe Series - How To Build Your Character found on Linkedin.com CHALLENGE: Diversify your recipe, inviting in differing opinions and ideas to broaden and challenge your viewpoint. Remove any barriers that are preventing your positive light from shining. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are checking the emotional chart circling the face that closely describes how we’re feeling as we attempt to solve the conundrum about dissatisfaction; trend or choice? What do you think? Are you choosing to be dissatisfied, purposely turning your smile upside down, and avoiding any joy as you struggle to remain unhappy? Maybe you don’t know what I’m talking about and that’s great! It means you’re in the shrinking percentage of people who are actually satisfied with their life, personal, and professional. But if not, let’s get to the root of it. What gives? Benjamin Franklin said, “Let thy discontents be thy secrets; if the world knows them ’twill despise thee and increase them.” I tend to agree. Discontentment can spread like a nasty infection. Someone who is mildly discontented needs little push over the edge to full-on dissatisfaction. And what does that get you? In my personal opinion, it makes a very large hole that is harder if not impossible, to crawl out of. Ever heard misery loves company? If the bandwagon passes by…let it pass instead of flagging it down. First and foremost, happiness and satisfaction are conscious choices. Will there always be trials and tribulations? Of course, but “What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson Whether you’re curious or frustrated by the situation that surrounds us, let’s take some time to figure some things out. Christopher Ingraham proclaims Americans are getting more miserable, and there’s data to prove it found at the washingtonpost.comKristen Bialik informs that Americans are unhappy with family, social, or financial life found at pewresearch.orgNir Eyal answers Why It's So Hard to Ever Feel Satisfied found at psychologytoday.coMatt Walsh explores why Gen Z Is Finding Out That Being An Adult Is Hard found at the dailywire.com CHALLENGE: Feeling satisfied personally or professionally comes from within. Your perception of any situation directly affects your reality. Take time to trace the source of your dissatisfaction and change your situation by adjusting your perception. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are attempting to clear out the clutter, find a place for the keep, and formulate a productive to-do as we work on organizing our thoughts; coming to terms, letting go, and making a plan. Do you find it difficult to concentrate on what truly matters when you’re overwhelmed with all the extra thoughts that flood your mind? How do you make space to focus? Most of the time we just move mental clutter from one corner to the next, neatly stack what we plan on getting to eventually, or cram another brain drawer with miscellaneous ideas we hope to sort out at some point. If any of this sounds familiar, keep listening. Don’t put off today what you think you will get to tomorrow. Raise your hand if you’re carrying around a lot of useless information that you may or may never need to recall. Now, depending on where you are in your life, evaluate your brain’s hard drive to determine the bandwidth you’re working with. It may be time to do a data dump and reorganize your thoughts to make room for something new. It’s no secret that eventually, you run out of space. Let’s take some time to strategize a better way to organize your thoughts making the commitment to work through some unresolved issues and let go of harmful baggage we’ve been dragging around decade after decade. Deal? At wildaboutwellbeing.com I found some great information to get us started: Taking Responsibility for Our Own Lives: My 5 steps to stop letting your past dictate your future!Galina Hitching offers us Ways To Better Organize Your Thoughts (And Be Productive) found at scienceofpeople.comSarah Regan shares Steps To Let Go Of The Past & Actually Move Forward found at mindbodygreen.com CHALLENGE: Invite in a trusted friend or professional to help you evaluate your thoughts. Instead of living with guilt, shame, and overwhelm, push back and be willing to take responsibility where you can and let go of what is no longer serving you. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are rethinking the traditional getaway, vacay, or holiday instead, opting for a trip through time to revisit, repair, or even research what’s next. Sure, a condo at the beach never gets old, and visiting family during the holidays is essential but what else could your mind imagine? How about handing John Hancock the quill during the signing of the Constitution, working TSA for Charles Lindbergh's solo flight in 1927, or casting the first female vote after the 19th Amendment went into effect? Maybe your time travel would be more personal like another day with a loved one, a chance to tell an important person how you really feel, or the ability to right a wrong and change your past. You might be curious to see how the other folks live like traveling back to the pioneer days, the great depression, or maybe a trip into the future. Whatever that looks like to you, let's take a moment and dream. Over at onewithnow.com I found If You Could Go Back in Time, What Would You Change?On Mix 95.7FM in West Michigan I found an interesting question proposed and responses from some listeners. If You Could Time Travel, Where Would You Go And Why? – #TQOTDJohann N. Neem enlightens us with Connecting Past to Present: The History Major in Our CommunitiesFrom the Gallup news service I found The Most Important Events of the Century From the Viewpoint of the PeopleOn MariaMila Vazquez’s Youtube Channel I found, Rewrite Your Past: Time Machine - let’s take a listen CHALLENGE: Spend some time daydreaming about where, who, and especially, when. Explore your interests, research, and revisit a time period that is meaningful to you, and change your own ending by how you narrate your past, present, and future. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are taking a step back, looking for the deeper meaning, and reviewing how far we’ve come as we question, why encouragement, and the power behind the practice. I’m attempting to do this raw and unscripted, off the cuff, and from the heart. As I approach my 6th anniversary of the podcast, I thought it was a good idea to fill in some blanks and revisit how it all got started. So, if you’re listening and looking for encouragement, I hope this journey will inspire you to step out on your own path to self-discovery. CHALLENGE: consider starting your own journey of self-discovery. Helping others starts with helping yourself. Dive in deep to learn what makes you, YOU and what, where, and how you want to grow. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are checking our parameters, evaluating our relationships, and contemplating the need for self-preservation as we strive to understand boundaries; what, why, and how. Not sure if you need them? No worries, keep listening. Have them but not quite sure how to enforce them. Stay tuned because you’re in the right place. Boundaries, whether you set them and enforce them or you yourself are held back by them, are established to protect you or the person who implemented them. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for various aspects of your life, including your mental and emotional well-being, relationships, and overall personal development. If you feel pushed, prodded, coerced, and manipulated, it may be time to stand your ground and clearly communicate what you will and will not tolerate. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase healthy boundary before but you might have been confused about what that means or why it’s important or not important to you. Healthy relationships in your life should be the goal but do those fall in your lap or are they cultivated? Both. Establishing boundaries in relationships sets the expectation of mutual respect. It helps others understand your limits and encourages them to respect those limits. How do you know you’re boundaries have been crossed if you don’t have them? Coming to an agreement with yourself about what you will and will not tolerate gives you a foundation for evaluating your current relationships. They allow you to make choices that align with your values and preferences rather than being constantly influenced by external pressures. So open your mind and try to be objective and honest as we strive for a deeper understanding of boundaries. On the Standord website I found some good information to kick us off; Trust, Safety, and Respect - The Importance of BoundariesLogan Hailey takes us a step further with How to Set Boundaries: 5 Ways to Draw the Line Politely found at scienceofpeople.comTamara Hill gives us 7 Red Flag Signs of Poor Boundaries found at psychcentral.comAt TalkSpace.com I got some advice I want to share on “How to Set Boundaries With a Narcissist” CHALLENGE: Communicate to yourself and others that you value your own needs, feelings, and limits enough to set impenetrable parameters. Prioritize self-care and self-improvement without feeling guilty to help you make better decisions that align with your goals and values. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we aren’t ducking our heads, crawling in a hole, or wishing we were invisible instead, we’re searching to understand tension both professionally and personally. Even the word tension elicits a tense physical response. No one in their right mind enjoys conflict and bad feelings but issues left unaddressed, become just that. You might feel challenged, unheard, overlooked, or even belittled but will defending every imagined injustice create harmony at work or at home? My guess is no. Ever heard the phrase “pick your battles”? While the context is about picking battles that you can actually win it can also refer to being selective and keeping the peace. I for one, hate to be in a bad mood. Avoiding eye contact, tip-toeing around, and giving the silent treatment. It’s an exhausting game that I’m just no good at. On the flip side of that coin, I hate conflict! If there is a chance what I have to say might hurt your feelings or cause you any stress, I’m avoiding it like the plague. As a result, I tend to conform, get over it, let go, and move on. Is that the answer, not at all but it is something I’m working on. What do you do when you’re faced with a tense moment that is causing you stress? What is your go-to reaction and is it something that is working or something you’re working on? Let’s dig in to understand the different nuances of tension to find some helpful strategies we incorporate at home and in our workplace. Over at happiesthealth.com I found the difference, Tension vs stress: know the different kinds of stressorsJill E. Daino shares more on Emotional Stress: Signs, Symptoms & Coping Tips found at talkspace.comSian Ferguson shows Why You Need to Stop Avoiding Conflict (and What to Do Instead) found at psychcentral.comOn the Brainy Dose YouTube channel, I found info on The 5 Conflict Styles - Which Is Yours? CHALLENGE: Trace your tension to the root to understand why it’s negatively affecting you and how to overcome these feelings. Resist the invitation to join the conflict instead, opting for a peaceful resolution. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are pulling from our toolbox; emotional resilience, problem-solving skills, and a positive mindset as we aim to effectively navigate life’s little challenges. You might possess everything you need and you might be still gathering the necessary components but no matter where you are on your journey, remember that life's little challenges are an inevitable part of the human experience. By developing effective skills and maintaining a positive attitude, you can successfully navigate them and emerge stronger on the other side. Aren’t you glad life is a journey compromised of different stages of development? What would it feel like if at birth we knew all we were ever going to know? Sounds bizarre and worrisome if you ask me. Learning and growing might be the best part of life. Sure, to learn you might have to go through some rough patches that aren’t so rosy but the growth you receive out of that experience can be a critical revelation. An Ah-Ha moment that gives you direction and motivates you to want more. When you step back and take a look at where you are in life, what shines bright? What keeps you up at night? What are you still trying to solve? Let’s take some time to unpack this idea and look at it from multiple angles. You might be missing an experience, a failure to uncover the learning, or simply a new perspective. Melissa Jirovec leads the way with Change Your Perspective To Change Your Life found at everydaypower.comDr. Erin Eatough asks and answers, Why am I so easily overwhelmed? Causes and useful techniques found at betterup.comSonia over at happiness.com shares some ideas on Navigating life: 10 tips for overcoming obstaclesKathy over at minimalistfocus.com shares a different perspective; Stuck in the Middle with You: Navigating Life’s Challenges CHALLENGE: rely on your life lessons to teach you and prepare you for navigating the inevitable challenges that will present themselves as you move forward. Step back and gain a better vantage point for a new perspective. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show… we aim to tickle your ego, prod your self-importance, and maybe even burst that bubble of self-delusion just a little. Ego you say? What ego? Well, ego isn't just a one-size-fits-all deal; it's a complex, colorful, and downright funky part of what makes us human. We're gonna explore the ego's many faces, from the subtle whispers of self-doubt to the grandiose declarations of "I am the center of the universe!" Whether you need to put your ego in check or someone else’s, egos play a multifaceted and important role in our lives. While they can sometimes be associated with negative traits like arrogance or self-centeredness, ego is a fundamental aspect of human psychology.

Defined, ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. It’s the core of our self-identity. It helps us differentiate ourselves from others and develop a sense of who we are as individuals. It's the foundation upon which we build our self-concept, which includes our beliefs, values, and personal narratives. Wow, ego has some pretty big shoulders and shoes to fill. So what happens when it’s left unchecked and goes astray? Enter the need for humility. Humility is the absence of ego. A modest or low view of one's importance; humbleness.

So how can you strike a healthy balance? Self-awareness. Let’s dig in to better understand the differences and the scale to narrow the gap.

Over at pathwaytohappiness.com, I found a good introduction; About Ego

Alex Morris explains How your ego is affecting your mental health, found at ihasco.co

On Christy Evenepoel’s blog she explores Self-Love vs. Unhealthy EgoThomas Armstrong covers The Stages of Ego Development According to Jane Loevinger found at institute4learning.com

On the Holistic Psycologist’s YouTube channel, I found How To Do Ego Work by Dr. Nicole Lepera

CHALLENGE: Be open to self-reflection as you explore your thoughts, feelings, and motivations. A well-balanced ego is typically associated with a healthy sense of self-esteem, confidence, and resilience.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are taking a colorful look at joy as we explore its meaning and presence, contemplating the idea, if joy were a color…When pure joy overflows and becomes so tangible you can reach out and touch, what color do you see? Maybe you’re still waiting for that type of joyful overabundance to show itself in your life and that’s okay. Want some good news? Joy resides inside of you and once you remove the barriers and unlock the resistance, it has room to activate in your life. Joy is defined as

a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. When did you feel a strong sense of pride, love, or gratitude? Were you beaming? Eyes sparkling? Body radiating positive energy? Don’t overlook these joyful moments thinking joy has to be a steady state to be real. These moments, when recognized and celebrated, will be motivation for more!

I had a friend use the term, “if joy were a color..” when describing a social encounter where a person was communicating a recent win. She overheard this conversation and witnessed the winner so full of joy that she radiated a tangible experience. What a beautiful thought. Days, weeks, months, or even years can get messy and distracting. Our focus can be easily be misdirected and we can feel like we’re barely getting by. Who has time for joy?

George Bernard Shaw said, “This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

Let’s look at this idea from a few different angles…

Dr. Jamie D. Aten shares What Is Joy and What Does It Say About Us?

An interview with Dr. Pamela King on the meaning and depth of joy. Found at psychologytoday.com

Over at compassion.com I found some differences between joy and happiness.

Kendra Cherry asks and answers What Is Happiness? Defining Happiness, and How to Become Happier. Found at verywellmind.com

On the Yale Youth Ministry Institute’s Youtube Channel, I found more from Dr. Pamela Ebstyne King: Purpose & Joy

CHALLENGE: Embrace joyful moments and notice the colors and unique feelings that lift your spirit. Don’t stop there. Remove any barriers and negative thoughts to release pure joy in your life.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are humbly taking a step back, widening our purview to assess our support system as we question, can you really be self-made? The pure definition of self-made says: made such by one's own actions. especially: having achieved success or prominence through one's own efforts. But what about all the people who told you it was possible? The people who poured encouragement into your soul, helped you back up when things didn’t go as expected, and rallied behind all the many modifications and extra attempts? Not to take anything away from the choices you’ve made, in fact, let’s celebrate them and inspire you to take more chances and trust in your own abilities. But let’s not forget those who had your back, took your hand, challenged your ideas, and forced you to be better.

Have you heard…”I’m great at everything, except humility, which I’m AMAZING at.” Seriously though, humbly, I think about all the people who support all the crazy ideas I’ve had over the years. I was a wee entrepreneur, starting at age 8 with my very own yardsale. Sounds harmless except, as a latch-key kid, I’m pretty sure my Mother wouldn’t have appreciated me selling the contents of my room on the side of the road when she was at work. Oops. But it just snowballed from there. I never once remember my family laughing at me or telling me that whatever my small business flavor of the month was, I would fail.

Sure, my Mom still reminds me of the puzzle piece jewelry phase I peddled in my own pop-up store called “Exception to the Rule”, but she was always careful not to squelch my dreams.

Let’s walk around this idea to inspect all the angles. The first being, that you have the power to dream and to do! Ready for a Rocky-style intro?

Bryan Burton pumps us up with We Are All Self Made But Only The Successful Will Admit It – Motivational Speech found at fearlessmotivation.com

Sheri Silk shares 4 KEYS TO OVERCOMING ENCOURAGEMENT DEFICIT found at lovingonpurpose.com

J.D. MEIER offers 15 Ways to Motivate Yourself and Others found at time.com

Madhuleena Roy Chowdhury shares The Neuroscience of Gratitude and Effects on the Brain found at positivepsychology.com

On the Mind Therapy YouTube channel, I found a motivating speech Denzel Washington gave to the American Film Institute that I thought was appropriate.

CHALLENGE: pat yourself on the back as you look to thank those in your support system who encouraged you, lifted you up, and championed your way to becoming self-made.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are putting aside self-doubt, silencing our internal nay-sayers, and leaning into the truth as we start believing in our own worth. Don’t you wish you could see yourself as your best friend sees you, like your Mom sees you, or your favorite aunt? Why do you let their praises fall on deaf ears, choosing to shut out the good and easily accept the negative self-talk that rattles around in your head even when nothing is wrong? Don’t you wish you could be your own champion? Worth is defined as the level at which someone or something deserves to be valued or rated. Are you selling yourself short?

I titled this show Believing in Your Worth because the key here is to believe. We are all valuable. You are valuable! But do you believe it? Do you believe it when you hear it from others or when you force yourself to spit out a mantra like “you are enough”? We all know positive self-talk is important and a way to lift our spirits and increase or sense of well-being but it isn’t so easy to believe.

Even so, we aren’t accepting this and moving on to another subject. Let’s dive in, audit our current sense of value, and find strategies to increase our worth.

Courtney E. Ackerman, defines What is Self-Worth & How Do We Build it? Found at positivepsychology.com

Michael Stanwyck shares 10 Thought Habits of People with High Self-Worth found at wholelifechallenge.com

On Eddie Pinero youtube channel I found a motivational message that will get you pumped: Believe in Yourself

CHALLENGE: quiet self-talk that doesn’t lift, encourage, inspire, or motivate. Practice self-forgiveness by forgiving others first. Believe that your worth is highly valued.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are taking time to sift and separate our thoughts and memories to understand, why the bad stuff is easier to remember. You could be having a stellar day, everything is going right, one to write down and remember forever and then you hit a snag. A challenge that might take a little effort and derails you for a moment but the shift is immediate. This day stinks! You’ll never guess what happened to me today! The negative event becomes the marque of our day and the traumatic event becomes the marque of our memories. We revisit it often, protect it fiercely, and even reform it, chiseling away some of the details until it becomes our identity. But what happened to all the good? Where are the mental videos of all the celebrations, high-fives, and proud moments? It’s time to remove the topsoil of shame and let the light shine on all our accomplishments.

Who loves a good breakup song or a sappy tear-jerker film? Have you ever heard the phrase, I need a good cry? Sadness can be comforting and in times of need, we look for validation in songs, books, tv shows, and the people who bring the tissue to the pity parties we constantly through. Just as there is a time and a place for everything, healing is now. If you are stuck behind the warm blank of regret and can’t figure out how to move forward, stay tuned. It’s time we make room for a healthy balance of misery and merrymaking.

Let’s dive into the “why”...why do negative or traumatic events steal our joyful memories?

Alina Tugend gets us started with Praise Is Fleeting, but Brickbats We Recall found in the New York Times

Michelle Pereira asks and answers, Why Do Bad Memories Last Longer? Found at scienceabc.com

Elizabeth Perry offers some strategies to Let go and move on: 15 tips to forget the past. Found at Betterup.com

On Jay Shetty’s Youtube channel, I found Why You Remember The Bad Times More Than You Remember The Good Times

CHALLENGE: seek out joyful memories to overshadow the tough ones. Be willing to part ways with rumination as you invite in more gratitude and gentle life lessons.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re sorting the seeds of content we allow into the garden beds of our minds understanding that what you consume, blooms. We’ve all heard that you are what you eat but in turn, you are what you speak. How many original thoughts have you had this week? No judgment here in fact we’re all suffering from regurgitating what we hear and what we read, adopting it as our own thoughts and opinions. It turns out that most of our thoughts may not actually be original to us. This phenomenon is known as cryptomnesia, and it occurs when our brains mistakenly convince us that an idea or thought is our own creation when in reality, we have encountered it before and forgotten about it. With that in mind, what type of content are you consuming and how is that altering your mindset and overall health and well-being?

It might be time to turn the soil over, pull out the toxic bi-particles, and add some organic matter. You are in charge of what takes root, what your produce, and what you harvest. But, it doesn’t always feel like that. Sometimes it feels like we’re on a little life raft in a sea of unwanted content full of strong opinions, hostile points of view, emotional guilt trips, and a relentless call to action. No wonder more and more are choosing to just check out versus trying to monitor the constant stream of chaos.

There has to be a happy medium.

Patrick Allan shares a reminder to Protect Your Mind as Much as You Protect Your Body found at lifehacker.com

Caitlin Harper shares How Media Consumption Impacts Your Mental Health And Happiness found at mywellbeing.com

Over at orangenebula.com I found How Mindful Content Consumption Feeds the Brain

Elizabeth Herman asks Want to Preserve Your Peace of Mind? 8 Tips to Protect Mind and Body found at artofliving.org

On The Minimalists’ Youtube channel I found How do I consume media more intentionally?

CHALLENGE: fill your mind with content that adds value to your life, nourishes your soul, and pushes the limits of your thinking so that you can grow in a more positive direction. Seek light for ultimate growth.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re staying engaged and committed to paying attention as we work to capture the conversation with active listening. The need to be heard is one of the most powerful motive forces in human nature. But who’s really listening….do you need me to repeat it? I said, who is listening? The world is full of distractions. A distraction that we create, technology in the hand, in front of our face, on our wrist, and in the background all while we are trying to navigate a busy life. The distraction that assaults us from every angle, marketers, popping ads, automatic video starts, commercials, deals, special offers…UGH, it’s all too much! How can you cut through the noise and focus on one person and one conversation?

I always thought I was a good listener. You know a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to, and brainstorm with. But I wasn’t aware of the difference between listening and active listening until I became a coach. In sales, it helps to listen but you find yourself weeding through the information looking for pain points and buying signals so that you can capitalize on them. In a general conversation, you’re listening long enough to find commonality so that you can respond with something in the same context. A volley of sorts. Your friend says “This weekend we’re going to a concert…” Your brain hears WEEKEND and you start thinking about what you’re doing that weekend or CONCERT and which concerts you’ve seen and which ones you want to see so that when it’s your turn, you can return the volley with an interesting and relatable story. But just think, what did you miss while you were formulating your response?

At mindtools.com I found an introduction to Active Listening

and how to Hear What People are Really Saying

Adam Hayes explored the The Human Attention Span found on wyzowl.com

Johann Hari explains how Your attention didn’t collapse. It was stolen

Social media and many other facets of modern life are destroying our ability to concentrate. We need to reclaim our minds while we still can - found at theguardian.com

Over at Simon Sinek’s youtube channel I found a different perspective: The Art of Listening

CHALLENGE: don’t just turn on your listening ears but really commit to dialing into a conversation as you seek to understand. Everyone wants a chance to be heard so receive before you give.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are taking in a big breath, releasing it slowly, and giving ourselves a much-needed time-out as we learn how to qualify and quantify our stress. Feeling frazzled? Perfectly normal if it’s from time to time. Buried and unsure how to rise above, we should take some time to unpack that a bit. See, not all stress should be created equal and even though the sky may feel like it’s falling, it’s not. Look up and while you’re at it, count to 10. We need to create some space between action and reaction so we can regain control over our thinking. 

I have to say that I deal with stress and stressors pretty well. I wouldn’t say I’m as cool as a cucumber but I might say I’m hard to rattle. I developed this mindset at a much earlier age, I can only do what I can do. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a hard worker and am guilty of taking on too much most of the time but that kind of stress I like. But even I have a wall. That feeling of pressure when you have too many balls in the air and not enough hands to keep them up. Are we a glutton for punishment? Taking on more and more and more until like a house of cards, it all comes crashing down. 

Good news, just as my stress is usually self-inflicted, you have some choices here. Let’s first strive to understand what stress is…

Allaya Cooks-Campbell helps us understand all about Stress: Is it good or is it bad? In reality, it's both found at betterup.com

On Dr. Jeffrey Cumro’s Youtube channel, I found out why Not all stress is created equal - Which are good and which are bad?

Maggie Wooll clears up Stress or stressor? Learn the difference to unlock growth found at betterup.com

At the National Institute of Mental Heath, I found some answers about Is it stress or anxiety?

CHALLENGE: Before you succumb to the pressure and find yourself frazzled, take some time and make some space to understand what’s really going on, what you can control, and what you must detach from. 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are going to “worry about ourselves” as we seek to understand the different characteristics of codependency. Please don’t immediately identify with or reject this behavior before we dive in and dig deeper. This is not a one-size fits all terminology nor is it a terminal practice. Instead, it’s a deeply rooted compulsive behavior that more than 90 percent of Americans display during their lifetimes. Are they all codependent? No. But could they benefit from becoming aware of these patterns and characteristics in an attempt to redirect their journey in a more positive direction? YES!

I remember the first time I heard the term codependent or rather, heard and rejected the term. Being fiercely independent, at least with some aspects of my life, all I could hear was the word “dependent” and I thought, “That couldn’t be me!” So like a Rumba, I hit wall after wall, trying to redirect my course only to hit another wall. It wasn’t until the second therapist suggested I read Melody Beattie’s book, Codependent No More, that I gave in. I do believe timing is everything and if I had read those words earlier, before I was ready to identify my own role, then they wouldn’t have landed quite the same way. But from the first chapter, I knew she was talking to me. It was like looking in a mirror, as hard as the reflection was to see. There she and her screwed-up thinking were, looking back at me saying, “Finally, now let’s get our act together!”.

Dr. Shawna Freshwater kicks us off with Codependency Traits: What, How, When are the Traits Formed? Found at spacioustherapy.com

Jordyn Mastrodomenico spells it out with 17 Characteristics of a Codependent Person. Found at mentalhealthmatch.com

Here are the official Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence found at coda.org

On the anchortherapy.org blog I found 7 WAYS TO LET GO OF CONTROL ISSUES

On Katie Couric’s Youtube Channel I found Melody Beattie explaining What is Codependency and How to Overcome It?

CHALLENGE: take care of your most important relationship, YOU. Detach with love and look inward. Identify what you want and how you feel. To give to others, you have to first, give to yourself.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re doing a mental and verbal inventory check and audit, to become more aware of what we’re passing down and what we’re passing around. Where do our ideas and opinions come from? How are our biases formed? Are we as open and accepting to traits and traditions as receiving and regifting Grandma’s china or have we installed solid filtering systems, protecting our minds and hearts from the legacy transfer of limiting and negative beliefs? Not sure? Then you’re in the right place listening to some ideas that might help you question, understand, reframe, and rethink ideas and opinions that no longer serve you. 

Have you ever played hot potato? If you haven't, let me explain. You must pretend you have a steaming hot potato in your hands and pass it around, making sure to let go of it as quickly as possible so you don’t get burnt. That means you have the hot potato only seconds before you pass it on. 

Sounds kind of familiar, huh? When you encounter an idea, opinion, piece of news, or gossip (which are sometimes one and the same), how long do you sit with that information before passing it down or around? Do you take the time to question, wonder, research, or think? Or, are you so quick to inform that you pass it without a discerning thought? 

Now, remember the telephone game? That is where a person whispers a word or phrase into the ear of the person next to them without any repeats and then that person, whispers what they heard to the next person, and so on and so on. The gag is when the last person repeats what they heard out loud to the group. They rarely have it correct or even close. Imagine how that idea could be impacting what we pass down and around.

Let’s start with what’s been passed down to you…

At The Center for Parenting Education, Audrey Krisbergh shares THE POWER OF FAMILY LEGACIES

Deborah Farmer Kris shows How Social Bias Can Transfer From One Generation To The Next found at kqed.com

Over on The Science Lens Youtube channel, I found more information on Confirmation Bias: Learn to overcome this common cognitive bias

Evan Nesterak conducts an interview on “Your Ideas Are Not Your Identity”: Adam Grant on How to Get Better at Changing Your Mind found at behavioralscientist.org

CHALLENGE: be aware of what you think and say, where it came from, what you’re passing down, and what you’re passing around. Seek to understand, push back and test ideas and opinions that no longer serve you. You have the power to change your thinking.    

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are checking our frequency, measuring our watts, and tapping into our power because we’re talking all about energy. Energy we store, energy we consume, and energy we share. Not sure about your hertz output? Maybe it’s different given the day, your mood, what has previously transpired, and what is yet to come. For electricity, you check the Kilowatt-hours that show up on your electricity bill. But what about your personal energy? It may take some effort and a deliberate check-in. We aren’t just talking about high energy or low, but everything in between. Positive and negative, productive and counterproductive. Can you change your frequency? Could you be more intentional with the energy you send out and could you be more protective about the energy you consume? The answer is yes. So let's all plugin, open our hearts and minds, and seek to understand.

You’ve heard me say it before, I have two speeds, on and off. But of course that isn’t true. I would say that I notice when I’m full-on into something and when I’m over it more than all the varying degrees in between. Make sense? What get’s you amped up? Charged or recharged, raring to go? I’m sure you’re getting excited just thinking about it…put a pin in that because we will revisit it. Now, what drains your energy storage banks? What truly takes it out of you and causes you to tap?

I would say people as an answer to both questions. I love people and I love pouring into people. As an Encouragementologist, I’m rewarded by the investment I make into others. But as sweet as the reward can be, it can be soured by toxic people. To me, being kind is so easy. I’ve read it takes more muscles, 43 to frown than it does to smile, only 13 but it feels like some people just want to be unhappy. Try as you might, nothing you say or do seems to change that and to me, that’s energy exhausting. Maybe it’s because I do care and do try so for that, I’m willing to keep going but the difference is measurable.

Sue Kohn-Taylor helps us understand that ​​Human energy is contagious – whose vibes are you catching found at the mentalfitnesscompany.com

CRISTINA LOPEZ at Balance Media shares THE SCIENCE BEHIND GOOD VIBRATIONS

At jakeyou.com I found information on What’s the Vibe? 10 Types of Vibes (+ How We Sense Them)

Dr. Judith Orloff explains The 4 Laws of Energetic Attraction found on her website

On her youtubechannel I found a CBS interview on Energy Vampires. Let’s listen…

CHALLENGE: Monitor your energy; stored, consumed, and shared. You have the power to change your frequency to emit more positivity which in turn will lift those around you and effectively alter their daily trajectory.

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On this show… We are checking it twice, looking to the horizon, and consulting a trusted advisor as we discuss; a clock, a compass, and a companion. This show is not to scare you with reminders like, “You’re running out of time” or “Look at you, you’re still in the same spot” or even to provide a disclaimer like, “You can’t go it alone”. Instead, it’s to remind you how precious time is, and how important it could be to identify what you want so you know where you need to go. And to encourage you to look to or strengthen your inner circle to provide love, support, and inspiration along your journey. We all desire to go somewhere emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Do you think that might require some mindful preparation? Ready to pack your bags and pause the mail?

I attended a leadership conference the other day and came away so inspired. So I would say, they nailed it. Regardless of the business you're in, I think we can all appreciate a day of encouraging talks as we are reminded about the bigger picture and mission in life. It’s easy to get sucked into the day-to-day and lose sight of what’s important. We have meetings, emails, deadlines, and endless to-do’s. Even if you aren’t running the rat race anymore you can get preoccupied with the problems of the world with its perceived timelines and schedules. 

How much time do you spend in silence, pondering life, and preparing for what’s next? That’s right ….silence. Not reading, watching, or listening to anything. Not surfing, or clicking, or posting anywhere. Just thinking.  Not reminiscing, rehashing, or ruminating. Just thinking. 

Time and space are so important to learn who, why, and what you need. 

An Ode to Silence: Why You Need It in Your Life

And how to find more of it found at health.clevelandclinic.org

During the conference, John Maxwell, world-renowned speaker, coach, and pastor, and author of The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership and The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader, mentioned this notion of a clock, a compass, and a companion.

Dr. Nikki Martinez shares her ideas on How to Surround Yourself with Positive People found at everydaypower.com

Here are: 7 Tips to Help You Embark on a Journey of Self Discovery found at Bodhiheart.com 

Nick Wignall leaves us with 4 Psychological Habits of Highly Self-Aware People found at medium.com

CHALLENGE: pack light for your journey as you will pick up plenty of tools along your way. Maximize your time as you shoot for goals allowing those who care to support your efforts. Build the necessary network by investing your time and energy into others. 

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On this show…we are setting aside our all-or-nothing thinking, taking a second and maybe even a third look, as we strive to see the in-between, somewhere between this and that. Before you accept it for what you think IT is, formulate a strong opinion, and develop your truth, take another look. Open your mind to alternative ideas. Accept that quite possibly, you don’t have all the answers and embrace something new. See one door can be the beginning but it’s never the end. One door leads to the next, and then the next, and then another as you expand your thinking. The journey is the fun part and once you have enlightenment, well then you re-pack, find a new direction, and set out for uncharted territory. Old dogs can’t learn new tricks is a myth. Your mind, soul, and spirit are craving expiration. Let’s go!

First let me take a poll, how many of you identify with this type of thinking? Do you have a hot or cold mentality? Up or down, yes or no, and not much in between. I always say I have two speeds…. full-on throttle or OFF. But how much are we missing in the in-between? Could there be varying shades of everything or are black and white our only two options? I for one, don’t want to get stuck in my ways, narrow my view, or limit my possibilities.

You too? Well then, let’s set out to explore these unknown lands of the in-between.

Dr. Katharina Star shares How to Overcome All-or-Nothing Thinking found at verywellmind.com

Rebecca Joy Stanborough, MFA answers the broader question, What Are Cognitive Distortions and How Can You Change These Thinking Patterns? Found at healthline.com

Eric S Burdon answers, Why A Difference In Perspective Can Help You Understand Yourself on medium.com

On the Lewis Psychology YouTube channel I found more information about All Or Nothing Thinking A Cognitive Distortion That Leads To Anxiety

CHALLENGE: Find the in-between of your all-or-nothing thinking as you open up your heart and mind to embrace the learning. Seek to understand by encouraging others to share their ideas and opinions.

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On this show…we’re turning down the volume of outside influences, past mistakes, and limiting beliefs to turn inward as we listen to our gut and follow our heart. Do you feel pushed, pulled, and prodded not really sure what to believe or how to feel? When is the last time you checked in with your own thoughts? That’s right, you have them, and on a gut level, you know what sits right with you and what causes you to pause or shut down. So many times we ignore how we think and feel or worse, never even give ourselves the consideration that we might even have an opinion. We’re quick to jump into the mainstream and adopt what we think we hear and believe to be the popular opinion. Because why? To belong, to feel a part of something, to align versus being out of alignment. Maybe your own personal opinion is the popular one and maybe it’s not. Let’s check with ourselves to see.

Some might say I live in a bubble but I see it differently. Check….I’ve reached the first checkpoint, considering how I see it. I have spent a good amount of time on self-reflection along this journey to self discovery. One of the first things I learned is that I didn’t always value my own thoughts and opinions and was quick to morph to fit in. It took some effort to untangle this web of patterns to see what was truly authentic and what was contrived. I have also had the luxury of age. Yep…I said it. I may not always refer to aging as a luxury but in cases of self-awareness and from an experiential context, it’s the best. There is this bizarre switch that flips where as you start figuring things out you start caring less about what others think. I’m not referring to giving up and not caring, I’m talking about not letting self-doubt and the potential criticism of others creep in. It’s beautiful. Now the icing would be if the physical deterioration would instead follow the path of mental enlightenment…oh well.

Cyrstal Raypole proposes Gut Feelings Are Real, but Should You Really ‘Trust Your Gut’? Found at healthline.com

Karen Young offers 9 Ways to Tap Into Your Intuition (And Why You’ll Want To) found at heysigmun.com

Dr. Itamar Shatz suggests Reflective Practice: Thinking About the Way You Do Things found at effectiviology.com

Brian Gorman introduces Change Leadership: Why Your Head, Heart And Gut Are Critical To Listen To found at forbes.com

On the TEDx Talks Youtube channel I found: You're being manipulated and don't even know it | Nate Pressner | TEDxYouth@Basel

CHALLENGE: book time to check in with yourself; heart, mind, and gut to understand and embrace your own ideas, thoughts, and opinions. You matter and getting in touch with who you are will help you uncover your authentic self.

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re focused on finding balance, being flexible, and quick to pivot to secure footing as we strive to ride the ways of constant change. You’ve heard it before, “the only thing consistent, is change”. It feels like every era and generation have claimed the same. Some change is good, necessary, and timely. Some change happens without warning or reason. Sometimes we’re making the change, necessary or impulsive, and other times it's change we neither asked for nor wanted. Why all the changes? Socrates said, “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new”. Well, the secret isn’t always so plain and obvious or EASY. How do you embrace change? Or maybe I should ask, are you able to easily embrace change or is rejection your go-to? Let’s talk about this subject and look at change from several angles; why, why now, how to roll with the punches, and even how to be satisfied with gratitude and acceptance. When I look at change, professionally and personally, I see vast differences and then some similarities and patterns. Professionally, I work in technology so change is a must and basically out of our control. Dog years is multiplying their age by seven. A 10-year-old dog is roughly the same “age” as a 70-year-old person. A technology year can be more like 20 human years; your 3-year-old computer could be more like a 60-year-old person. Think about software companies and the pressure to stay current. Like a Rock Star trying to stay on top with another hit record. Companies who sell technology are feeling the same pressure, to stay relevant, capture more of the market, pay back investors…GO GO GO! Personally, I would like to say I’m a creature of habit, however, if you talk to my family or friends they would say I’m constantly evolving. I do like a good routine though. I find comfort in the familiar and predictable. As much as I like adventure, I enjoy some elements of predictability. Shana Montesol-Johnson shares The 3 Keys to Navigating Change and Landing on Your Feet found at developmentcrossroads.comHope Gillette enlightens us on Why Change Is the Only Constant and How to Embrace It found at psychcentral.comBrianna Wiest gives us 10 Things You Will Start To Feel When A Big Life Change Is Around The Corner found at medium.comI wanted to know why we are always looking to change and I found it at paystubsnow.com: Better Opportunity: Why We’re Always Looking for a Change CHALLENGE: embrace change, whether you’re currently consumed by it or you are desperately seeking it. Steady yourself and take control so you’re riding the wave vs being pulled under. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re committing to learning from the past, giving honor to the experiences that shaped all of us, and leaning into the legacy we want to leave. We have a tendency to gloss over, rewrite, or try and forget the past or what no longer serves us. A past that might be tainted with mistakes and failures. It’s easier to remember the good stuff than to relive the struggle but where is the learning? What happens if we forget without forgiving? We are all on a journey with good intentions, goals, and dreams but we’re also evolving. We are and those that came before us did too. How many times can you look back over your short life span and say, “Oh if I knew then what I know now…”? Think about hundreds of years. If they only knew then what we know now. But that isn’t how life works, that’s not how progress is made, and how evolution unfolds. So they or maybe you, missed the mark. Are you supposed to forget it happened or the impact it made good or bad? Erase it and start from here? We will all fall, make choices we regret, and steer our lives in and out of progress more than once along our journey. A legacy is the long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or of a person’s life. Cumulative not the punchline or moral of the story.

So today, looking over your body of work, what legacy are you leaving? What past events, good or bad, have shaped the person you are now? What struggle in your life can you honor and be grateful for?

On the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s website I found Why should you study history?

I was digging for a little more so I found Why Study History? At the PragerU youtube channel. They make some compelling points we shouldn’t forget.

On fs.blog I found We Are What We Remember

Lisa Haisha asks an important question: What Kind of Legacy Are You Leaving the World? Found on huffpost.com

Jasmine Tanguay shares Ways to Leave a Meaningful, Lasting Legacy found at joincake.com

CHALLENGE: never forget what got you here. The good, bad, and the ugly. What you conquered gave you the momentum to carve a unique path forward for yourself. Take time to share your lessons as you lean into leaving a meaningful legacy.

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On this show…we’re going to seek to understand; putting aside our biases, limiting beliefs, and exploring our experiences to find common ground. Initial judgment is tough to overcome since part of it is built in for protection. What happens next is really up to you. How willing are you to open your mind and heart and explore a person to find common ground? Is it easier for you to live behind your protective wall of preconceived assumptions? Sometimes it is but it won’t serve you in the long run. Oh, the joy you are missing out on not to mention, the learning, expansion of ideas, and the adoption of new and exciting concepts. Don’t worry, there is time to turn it around and re-commit to re-examining your parameters. Let’s find out where those thoughts come from as we seek to understand.

I would consider myself a very open, trusting, and flexible person yet I too find myself judging people harshly and unfairly. It’s easy to create lanes or categories for the people you meet and force them into these before you truly understand the person, what they stand for, and what their intentions are. “Oh I like this person, we’re going to get along great.” “Hmmm I’m on the fence, I’m not sure we’re going to get along” and how about the category…NO WAY! How quickly do you come to that conclusion? Could we all do a little better? Ok good…can we all commit here and now to see to understand?

Maggie Wooll helps us understand how to Find common ground with anyone: A quick and easy guide found at betterup.com

Over at pathwaytohappiness.com I found good information on Your Belief System – And What That Means For Your Life

Maggie Wooll insists you Don't let limiting beliefs hold you back. Learn to overcome yours found at betterup.com

At Couples Counseling ATL’s youtube channel I found Finding Common Ground in Conflict and Accepting Influence

CHALLENGE: be slow to discount the importance and relevance of the connections you make. Take the time to explore your biases and judgments as you uncover and overcome your own limiting beliefs. Strive to be a connection others want to make.

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On this show…we are hanging in there, standing tall, and finding our voice as we confront confrontation. Generally, when asked, most people don’t seek out or enjoy confrontation and yet it can be a part of our everyday lives to some degree. Definition: a face-to-face meeting. a confrontation between the suspect and the victim. : the clashing of forces or ideas: conflict. a violent confrontation between rival gangs. : comparison. As you can see, there are varying degrees, and some are as simple as finding your voice in a tense or disagreeable situation. What is your level of comfort? And a follow-up question…are you already getting anxious about even talking about confrontation? We’ll look at a number of degrees as we search for an understanding and possible technique that will make these moments, stages, and phases of our lives, more agreeable.

I don’t like it. No varying degrees there. Well actually, I’m more comfortable with professional confrontation than personal. Professionally, I have a strong opinion. I mean when it comes to my skill set I’m confident since I’ve been honing my crafts for decades so when confronted, I am more sure of myself if the need arises to push back. Personally, it’s a different story. You would think I’ve had decades and decades…um decades…and uh decades to get comfortable there too but there is still this little girl inside of me who wants to be liked and accepted. I don’t like to hurt people's feelings or be disagreeable so I tend to flex and bend even when I don’t want to. Sound familiar? I like you, am a work in progress.

Dan Rose cuts right to the chase sharing,This is How Timid People Get Over Their Fear of Confrontation (and Win!) found at skillpath.com

At success.com found I found 11 (More) Ways to Handle Confrontation

Sian Ferguson enlightens us with Why You Need to Stop Avoiding Conflict (and What to Do Instead) found at psychcentral.com

Paul McGee, author of How to Succeed with People shares How to reduce conflict and build better relationships - found on the Capstone Publishing Youtube channel

CHALLENGE: don’t shy away from an uncomfortable situation but use it as a way to learn more about yourself, gather a deeper understanding of others, and as a chance to find your voice.

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On this show…we are stepping up, doing the work, recognizing our role, and taking personal responsibility. Regardless of who’s watching, first and foremost, we’re accountable to ourselves. Ever try and get one over on yourself? Maybe you’re the most gullible when you’re selling yourself, justifying your actions, and glamorizing the situation. I mean really, who’s watching? YOU and you count, possibly more than anyone. How can we start taking responsibility without all the shame and guilt? Forgiveness. But this only happens with acceptance. Looks like we have a lot to unpack and a process to follow, so let’s get started.

Where are you when it comes to personal responsibility? It’s actually a whole thing.

I think it was easier to take responsibility when I got a little older and wiser. I can remember a time when I played the blame game and considered myself mostly in the right. There was also that period I was convinced everything would work out perfectly if people would just do as I told them…yeah seriously! I’ve grown. But when I finally had enough experience under my belt and I could take a step back to look at a larger body of work (my life) I could start to see patterns. Hurts and habits that had a way of repeating themselves. The only common denominator was me so it was pretty apparent. In order to move past that revelation, I had to take responsibility for my own actions and the role I played. A bitter pill, sometimes, but the critical learning made it easier to swallow.

Marty Ward helps us define What Is Personal Responsibility And What It Means For You found at 1vibrantlife.com

At masterclass.com I found a plan, Personal Responsibility: How to Develop Personal Responsibility

PragerU breaks it down a little further on their youtube channel Personal Responsibility: The Ultimate Freedo

Sara Lindberg helps us with How to Forgive Yourself found at healthline.com

Please remember:

• Be patient with yourself
• You only know what you know
• Be curious for the why but accepting of the unanswered questions
• Be flexible, you can pivot anytime you want
• Own it, no one can write the same story the or the same ending
• Share with others, your story might be just what someone needs to get them through their struggle
• Take your time, Rome wasn’t built in a day
• Don’t be afraid, being willing to take the next step is the hardest part.
• Be Kind, with yourself and others.
• Forgive yourself and others and detach with love when it makes the most sense

CHALLENGE: exchange your burdens for freedom with personal responsibility and forgiveness. Create healthy boundaries as you learn more about your capacity and need for self-care.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES: On this show…we’re going to coast down the decline while we gain momentum for the upcoming hills, pushing it one more mile at a time. Sometimes, quitting is not an option but how do you find prevailing perseverance when your tank is empty? One moment at a time, that’s how. Even when you think you’ve come to the end of your road and have hit a dead end, you have more to give than you think is humanly possible. But always pushing past your limits is not the goal. In everything, personal and professional, we are striving for a healthy balance. The word balance may just be a word you’ve heard but you’re not really sure how it fits into your life…like the words self-care or relaxation. You might think those words are only entertained when everything else is done. That my friend would be the opposite of balance, imbalance. So let’s dig in to these ideas of perseverance, balance, and filling your tank. I love to be busy. I have an expanded capacity to take on more, juggle multiple things, and get things done. I hear it over and over from people who observe my life “Wow, how could you possibly take on one more thing”, “Where do you find the time”, “Do you ever sit down?”. I also don’t recognize when I’m overwhelmed until I’m in crisis mode. Everyone deals with those feelings in different ways. You might scream, having feelings of anxiety, be nervous, and worry….I shut it out and do nothing. Haha the good thing is I don’t stew over it or worry. The con is, I’m not getting it done because I switch to cruise control and sit back and relax. So knowing this about myself, I try and stay in that balanced state where I’m busy but not overwhelmed. Remember when Scarlet Ohara said, “I won’t think about that today, I’ll think about that tomorrow.” Yep, that’s overwhelmed for me. What about you? Silvia shares 3 Reasons Why Perseverance is So Important (and 6 Ways to Improve It) found at trackinghappiness.comKaren Nimmo helps us with 7 Things to Do When Your Tank Is EmptyFound at medium.comOver at medium.com I also found some great insight on Giving & Receiving: Finding The Right Balance CHALLENGE: one more mile, one more try, one more time. You have more effort available than you’ve recognized. Prevailing perseverance will propel you to navigate any challenge, delivering valuable learning along the way. I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are taking another stab at it, digging in to see what went wrong and how we can re-engineer our approach, modify our goal, or clarify our vision. Because YOU deserve another go! How many home runs and hole-in-ones have you had in your life? Can you count them on one hand or are you right now, holding back a chuckle thinking “Yeah right!”? Well if you’re tired of the hammer hitting everything but the nail on the head, hold tight. Let’s step back for a minute. Are you worth figuring this out? Unlocking the door to possibilities? You bet you are. Sometimes all it takes is a little inspiration and an alternative perception. You got this!

Not ready to release the rally cry? Keep listening…

Brian from beyondbmoore.com starts us off with 5 THINGS HOLDING YOU BACK FROM LIVING THE LIFE YOU DESERVE!

Need some more proof, Kristen Hedges gives you 3 Reasons Why You Deserve the Best! Found at mindbodygreen.com

At the processprogramming.com I was inspired by YOU DESERVE TO TRY they have a podcast @liveperformcompete 

Kobe Bryant's Greatest Speech | BEST Motivation Ever

Lizzy Doole believes We All Deserve to Receive What We Need (and It’s Not Selfish) found at tinybuddha.com

CHALLENGE: don’t give up too soon. Make this attempt personal, striving for your unique why. As you give, be open to receiving for a healthy balance because you deserve another go.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we will be inspired by learning, and growth, hitting milestones, and reaching new heights. Our guest is living her best life and sharing her findings as she finds them. What a powerful tool she possesses. A burning curiosity and a platform to inspire others with her newly obtained knowledge. Are you wondering what’s next in your life? Do you have dreams and passions but aren’t sure where to start or how to take the first step?

I want you to meet Erica…

Audio interview with Erica Parrin

CHALLENGE: never stop exploring and learning. Your ideas and passions can take you on a wonderful journey when you let them lead. Take others along for the ride by sharing as you grow.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are looking for the warning signs, taking inventory of our discontent, and listening to our internal struggles to avoid burnout and stay engaged. Whether you are feeling frazzled in the moment or downright over it either professionally or personally, wait…take a step back, a big breathe, nw let it out. We’ve got time to re-engage with a re-engineered approach. You might need a new pair of eyes on the situation. Those could be yours after you’ve had a chance to unpack some of your frustration or you could invite in a third party opinion. Being so stuck in a routine or too up close and personal could be preventing you from finding your way out. 

We’ve all gotten stuck in the mundane at some point in our life. No matter what path you take, you will encounter ruts that need special attention. Sometimes routine and predictability can be comforting and just what you need and other times in your life it could push you over the edge -UGH life please give me more! 

You’re answer might be a radical shift like an alternative location, new friends, or a different career but it also might be a new attitude. Looking at the same situation with a different lens and a new lease on life. 

Chris Cancialosi kicks it off with HOW TO AVOID BURNOUT AT WORK: 5 PROVEN WAYS TO RE-ENGAGE found at gothamculture.com

Lucy Foulkes tells us How to engage with life when you feel down found at psyche.co

Dr. Craig Harper sheds some light on Quiet Quitting and the Future of Work found at psychologytoday.com

Over at BBC Ideas Youtube channel, Bruce Daisly, EX VP at Twitter gives us 6 tips to improve your work-life balance 

CHALLENGE: take a step back to evaluate the source of your frustration. Clear a space to think, dream, and re engage. You have the ability to reconnect in a more meaningful way.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are going to stay flexible, gently planting a foot to pivot, so that we can easily embrace change. The only thing that seems consistent, is change. How do you deal with your ever-evolving life? I believe certain seasons are prone to unfolding in due time and others see rapid change that may seem overwhelming and impossible to keep up with. What season are you currently in? Are you holding on for dear life or are you pushing your ideas up the side of a mountain? No matter where you find yourself, it’s important to stay flexible in your thinking. It’s all too easy to get rooted in one thought track that can narrow your view and limit your possibilities. There is more to learn as you connect and open your mind and your heart. 

Do you find yourself thinking and sounding like your parents? I’m sure at one point, during your rebellious teenage years, you said the words “Shoot me if I ever sound like my Mother” haha only to find yourself relating to the world in some of the same ways. That’s because much of your thinking, ideas, and rituals came from your parents during your formative years. One survey stated that 75% of life lessons are introduced by a parent. Can you think of a time when you challenged that way of thinking? How have you grown as you’ve been introduced to new people, places, and experiences? 

Today we are bombarded with content, voices, strong opinions, ideas, and suggestions. How do you discern and learn? 

Have you heard of the term, cognitive flexibility? 

Cognitive flexibility is an intrinsic property of a cognitive system often associated with the mental ability to adjust its activity and content, switch between different task rules and corresponding behavioral responses, maintain multiple concepts simultaneously, and shift internal attention between them.

Marianne Stenger shows us 7 Ways to Develop Cognitive Flexibility found at informEd

Polly Campbell shares 5 BRAIN EXERCISES TO FOSTER FLEXIBLE THINKING found at gaiam.com

At soulsalt.com I found information on Embracing Change: Moving Forward Through A Major Transition

On the Pursuit of Wonder Youtube Channel, I found Why We Are All Afraid Of Change - Overcoming Fear & Resistance

CHALLENGE: stay flexible in your thinking so that you are open to accepting new ideas, shared experiences, and the benefits of an alternative perspective. Change is not always easy but always part of the process. 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we will be inspired by action. From a spark to a flame, our guest has carved a meaningful path through life with passion and purpose. How many times has your great idea been snuffed with self-doubt? If you could go back and relive those moments, would you have taken the leap, risked failure, and been able to recover, re-engineer, and relaunch? How many of you are sitting there today with an idea and a purpose but waiting for the signal that you should act? If any of that sounds familiar, keep listening. 

I want you to meet Matt…

www.mattmartino.com

www.thehopefire.org

CHALLENGE: recognize the spark in yourself and others. Add the fuel of action by taking a leap of faith. Success and failure are subjective when one idea inspires a new direction.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we will be taking our time, revisiting the unbroken, and removing the quick and easy to prove, it isn’t always better. Convenience is well, convenient and progress is undeniable but what would you go back to if you could? Have you early adopted yourself into technology overload? Do you feel more supported and connected or isolated and forgotten? Well, guess what, you can embrace or push back wherever and whenever you feel like it. Not impressed with the pace of this digital Flume Zoom, then get off the ride. You choose. Already can’t understand the one you have, then stop upgrading. Missing a good old-fashioned hen fest, then stop texting and make a date with your friends. Put yourself back into the command center Captain chair and start navigating this crazy high-speed world with a little more editing and veto power. 

I remember a day…Oh here we go, miles to school in the snow, one drumstick for the whole family, right? No no, but let’s all take a minute and remember a day. A really good day. 

Now, where are you and what’s happening? Does your good day involve others or a much-needed day for yourself? Are you relaxing or living it up? Get specific and detailed, painting a vivid picture of this memory. 

Let’s set this memory aside with the “Happy Place” label as we visit the opposite, a terrible day. When was the last time you were frustrated, angry, defeated, anxious, overwhelmed….you fill in the blank? What are you doing and where are you? Are you with others or having a pity party by yourself? Are you solving the world’s problems or on the verge of giving up? Give your memory some color and detail here. 

How can we clone your Happy Place to visit it often while we minimize your days of frustration? 

The point is, you have the power to direct your energy and your day. We’re going to visit some ideas that you can use to navigate this busy and sometimes chaotic world to carve out more of the happy.

Jisha Joseph found 25 people old enough to remember life before the internet share what they miss the most. Found at scoop.upworthy.com

Bob Larkin shows us What It Was Like to Live Without Today's Technologies We Totally Take for Granted

WE HAD ACTUAL ENCYCLOPEDIAS INSTEAD OF WIKIPEDIA.

Found at bestlifeonline.com

Sophia at malama-life.com shares, 7 tiny ways to simplify your life on her youtube channel

CHALLENGE: Before you jump to adopt the new and improved, evaluate its relevance for you and your life. Protect what is important, even if it’s simpler. Recreate your happy place with meaningful moments.

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On this show….we are learning what it takes to let go, give in, ask for help, and surrender all. I’m joined by Rachel, a strong woman in recovery who has fought hard to build a life she can be proud of. One of joy, honesty, responsibility, and power. She will tell you it wasn’t easy and there was a time she didn’t see a way out. To be sitting here today, sober, hopeful, employed, and reunited with her family was something she never dreamt possible. But she met a counselor, a spiritual guide, who told her she deserved that and so much more! If you are struggling with addiction or substance abuse or if you know someone who is, listen and pass this on. Even if substance abuse hasn’t reached you or your family, listen to a story of hope that may give you more than you bargain for. 

CHALLENGE: become aware of your own ups and downs along your journey as you open yourself up to accept and learn from others. Reach out, ask for help, and surrender all.

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On this show…we are going to be curious, mindful, and impeccable as we uncover and embrace, why your words matter. So many times we deliver a word never knowing the impact, where it goes, how it lands, and what takes root. Other times, our words never make it to the surface but are cut off by our brain’s controlling intervention prompted by doubt or fear. On this journey of self-discovery, it’s important to dig in and learn as much as we can about ourselves, what makes us tick, and what can we do to maximize our impact. You have some real power here, the power of the tongue. Let’s not wield it lightly.

I was getting ready to speak the other day and the host of the event was getting the microphone ready and she used the word “subtle” when referring to the amplification. It struck me as funny because that’s never been a word to describe me. Subtle. I’ve never been told to speak up, either in terms of volume or interjection. I have been told to lower my voice and let someone else have a turn haha.

I have never found it hard to find my voice but looking back, I may have been naive to the power of my words. Let’s pay attention to the positive power and the negative so that we have a clearer picture.

Over at goop.com I found The Scary Power of Negative Words

Dr. Jack Schafer furthers our exploration with Words Have Power found at psychologytoday.com

At the Lifelong Learner Youtube channel, I found Be Impeccable With Your Word | The Four Agreements - Part 1

Allaya Cooks-Campbell tells us why Speaking up for yourself is important — 11 steps to get it right found at betterup.com

CHALLENGE: be aware of what you say, when, and how. Use your words to empower, inform, and engage. Your words matter and people, including yourself, are listening.

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On this show…we won’t be throwing in any towels, dropping by the wayside, or chucking any sponges because Devyn and Ari will inspire us to believe; quitting is not an option. Easy street sounds nice but the reality of life can be challenge after challenge. How many times have you said, “that’s it, I’m done, I can’t take this any longer!”? If you’re shaking your head yes then guess what, you’re more resilient than you think because you’re still here. In each situation, you’re just a click away from unlocking the answer. So,  before you succumb thinking you don’t have another fight in you, listen to these two, bright and beautifully strong women and their ever-evolving journey of perseverance. 

Audio of Devyn and Ari

CHALLENGE: When life throws you a curve ball, step up to the plate, duck, catch, or hit it out of the park. Set your mind to positive alternatives because quitting is not an option. 

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On this show…we are recognizing our authority to make thoughtful and qualified decisions on our behalf as we give ourselves permission to move forward. Wherever you are, stuck or detained, you have the right to take the necessary actions to heal, inform, forgive, and let go. Only from this type of feeling will you find the motivation to take the next step. So many of us find ourselves at one point or another trapped by regret, grief, anger, self-doubt, and more. We get so focused on trying to figure out the “why” of what happened that we can’t move past this rumination stage. Here we are stunted without the ability to see the bigger or better visions that lie just beyond this haze.

Right now, let’s make the commitment to avoid saying or thinking; I can’t, I’ve already tried that, no one understands what I’m going through, or this is hopeless. Those types of sentiments don’t belong in our internal narrative or coming out of our mouths to anyone else. Remember, what you practice, you perfect.

With that in mind, where do you want to put your time, effort, and energy? Finding a new path forward or finding a way to transcend time and rewrite the past? I don’t know about you but one seems pretty obvious. Ok then, how do we move forward? What do you need to uncover, untangle, or unlearn to allow yourself a free passage? If life is a lesson then that would be the natural place to start. What can you learn? Up close and personal it may be hard to see the point but let’s crawl up to our higher vantage point with the wide-angle lens to get the bigger picture.

JOSHUA BECKER begs Don’t Forget the Past. Learn from It. found at becomingminimalist.com

Aisha Beau shares A Beginner's Guide to Giving Yourself Permission found on the shineapp.com

MARELISA inspires us with 50 Things to Give Yourself Permission For, found at daringtolivefully.com

Cooper Vardy shares his insight on Regret, how can we move past it? Found on the TEDx youtube channel.

Dr. Patricia Harteneck leaves us with 7 Ways to Get Yourself Unstuck found at psychologytoday.com

CHALLENGE: don’t live with past regrets. Look for the lesson, forgive, and give yourself permission to move forward. The best is yet to come.

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On this show…we are examining our experiences to find positive fuel that will propel us forward instead of painful memories that will hold us back. Do you feel stuck, limited by your circumstances, unsure of how to let go, learn, and move forward? We’ve all been there and may be struggling in that place today. Mariah is here to share her story and her light with us. I hope you’ll share it with others. Your past does not define you, it isn’t the end of your story but the beginning. No matter what you’re dealing with you will be inspired by Mariah, a Heart for the Hurting.

Have you ever had a “good idea”? You know that thing that sounds fun, creative, meaningful, profitable, passionate…that inspiring idea. What did you do with it? Do you still have it or did you talk yourself out of acting on it? Maybe it was a fun idea or business venture but perhaps it was your purpose and passion. Maybe, it’s still burning in you begging you to bring it to life.

What is holding you back?

“Let your ideas and thoughts give you inspiration. All creativity comes from your imagination - you first imagine and then you create.” ~Catherine Pulsifer

Meet Mariah. A beautiful soul who was challenged, shaped and then motivated to make a meaningful impact through her experiences.

Over at minihabits.com I found How Your Past Is The Best Source Of Inspiration

Tony Fahkry leaves us with 5 Ways To Find Inspiration In Your Daily Life found at medium.com

CHALLENGE: examine your past as a source of inspiration. Use experiences that molded and shaped you to carve out a new path of purpose.

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On this show…we are making a commitment to ourselves to give it another try and another chance. No quick throw of the towel here. If you’re tired of always starting over, changing courses, sacrificing your dreams, and just feeling like you can never win, then keep listening. We’re making a bold statement today and refusing to give up…that easy. How many times do you have a great idea, excited, and anxious to get going then days, weeks, or months later, you’ve second guessed yourself, talked yourself out of it, and given up the idea? All the time.

95% of new products fail. And 90% of startup companies never make it. That's not for a lack of ideas. It's a lack of execution: the same reason why people dream of writing a novel, crafting a piece of music, or learning a new language — but never actually do it. It starts with making a commitment to yourself because you, and you can keep going when they say it’s impossible. The next thing we’ll explore is motivation and tenacity, this idea of one more try and one more chance. And last but not to be forgotten, how to get back in there when the motivation just isn’t there.

Oh, the ideas I’ve had over the years. I was a child entrepreneur, starting my own business when I was 7 or 8. Now, when I say business I mean creating a product and trying to sell it. I don’t want you trying to look up some publicly traded stock by a child protege. My first business was easter flowers by the bunch. My second business was gently used children’s toys from my room. Then there was an attempt at a pretzel stand among many others. Just so you know, I am not selling pretzels today. Refusing to give up isn’t meant to keep you pushing a square peg into a round hole. Giving in to an idea that isn’t ready, isn’t sustainable, or honestly, just wrong is ok. It gives you time back to modify and re-engineer your idea or your approach.

We’re focusing on those times we just didn’t give it our all. Why and why not?

Jennifer Houston helps us with 6 Powerful Reasons to Refuse to Give Up found at womanitely.com

Faye Bradshaw leads us further with 7 Ways to Keep Going When You Want to Give Up found at mindtools.com

Don Miguel Ruiz helps us understand why yo DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS found at thefouragreements.com

Don Miguel Ruiz Stop Trying to Read Other People's Minds | found on the SuperSoul Sunday Youtube channel

Over at thesitsgirl.com I found this inspiring message Before You Give Up

CHALLENGE: make a commitment to yourself to give it one more try and one more chance before you throw in the towel. You have more resolve than you think and taking time to find a way forward is worth it!

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On this show…we are defining our threshold and challenging our limiting beliefs as we set boundaries we intend to hold firm and those we aspire to push. Boundaries help us move through life with protection while providing a safe way to measure our growth. It just might be time to outgrow your current position and move forward! This exercise isn’t meant to box you in or make you feel trapped. Boundaries are evolutionary and when you feel ready, can shape-shift to meet your next trial. The goal we are setting for this topic is ownership. You own the next move instead of letting your circumstance, own you.

Have you ever uttered the words, “I don’t know, it just happened?” Have you ever felt like you are just following life and jumping hurdles when prompted? Do you feel like life is leading you? If you’re shaking your head and you’ve been pushed, pulled, prodded, devalued, overlooked, belittled, controlled……(do you want me to keep going) KEEP LISTENING.

Healthy boundaries are personal and a form of self-care. It helps to create clear guidelines/rules/limits of how you would like to be treated. So many times we expect people to treat us the way we want to be treated but yet we never communicate what that looks like. We keep this and all the ways we’ve been threatened, swirling around in our heads making us more vulnerable instead of stronger. Communicating your boundaries is a crucial step and one we will dive into. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves AND before we can look at pushing said boundaries, we need to first identify where we need to establish our first boundary.

Dr. Jo Nash teaches us How to Set Healthy Boundaries and Build Positive Relationships found at positivepsychology.com

Logan Hailey helps us understand How to Set Boundaries: 5 Ways to Draw the Line Politely found at scienceofpeople.com

Let’s take a listen to Brene Brown Boundaries found at ANDREA’S A TO Z STRATEGIES: HEALTH & WELL-BEING - Youtube channel

Over at loveselfcare.com I found some ideas on Pushing Past Your Limits – When and Why to Do It

CHALLENGE: create boundaries that help protect you as you self-reflect and self-nurture but then expand and push past boundaries, testing self-limiting thoughts to experience true growth.

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On this show…we’re checking the recipe, measuring out our ingredients with precision, and cooking with conviction as we find the confidence of a chocolate chip. What does that even mean as my stomach grumbles at the mention of a chocolate chip? Don’t worry, I’m going to get to that and more. Let’s start here, where do you find your confidence? Maybe you’re saying, “what confidence?” or maybe you walk tall exuding courage and assertiveness. No matter where you currently are on the confidence scale, there is something in this show for you. A different perspective and a positive alternative, so stay with me.

If you were a cookie, what cookie would you be? Shortbread, iced sugar cookie, fig newton, snickerdoodle, peanut butter, oreo…..yum, I’m salivating.

During a trip with a group of women, I sensed some tension between myself and another woman. Sensed some tension? That’s polite, she actually confronted me out of the blue. I was caught off guard because, before the incident, I didn’t even realize she wasn’t a fan of mine. The next day, I was discussing this encounter with a friend who happens to be a social worker, so can we say, delicate in her approach. She told me that I was like an oatmeal raisin cookie. Some people like oatmeal raisin cookies and some don’t. Hmmmm with my head cocked sideways like your favorite golden retriever reel I said, “Weird, I always thought I was chocolate chip.”

Now there is more than a delicious treat to unpack here. As I stepped back and looked at my life and my approach to it, that makes perfect sense. I have the confidence of a chocolate chip. Personally or professionally, I avoid fear and self-doubt by believing everyone will like me. They will listen to my ideas, embrace my opinions, and genuinely want to help me because they truly like me. Pie in the sky? Nope, we’re talking about cookies here. Is it always true? Absolutely not but don’t tell me that. My chips make me fearless!

Madison Sabatino asks and informs on What is Your Cookie-Personality? Found at The Rampage

At skillsyouneed.com I found more information on Building Your Confidence

On the BRAINY DOSE youtube channel, I found, 10 Bad Habits That Destroy Your Confidence

Hugo over at trackinghappiness.com gives us 7 Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt (and Boost Your Confidence)

CHALLENGE: whether oatmeal raisin or sugar cookie, present your chocolate chip. Crush anxiety and self-doubt by mastering one skill at a time.

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On this show…we’re taking in a big breath, closing our eyes, and remaining still as we tap into the power of peace that resides within us. What an amazing time-out and one that you can enlist anywhere and at any time. Chaos can be all-encompassing and before you know it, you’re swirling around with your thoughts pulled into a million different directions. You feel out of control and overwhelmed. Sorry for the radical change after such a lovely time-out but I’m curious, how do you handle those shifts throughout the day? Are you rational, weighing out all your options with a smooth transition into a problem-solving mode? Or do you shut down, riding the swells only to be pulled under by the current? Sometimes it takes too much energy and focus to fight it.

No matter how you react during stressful situations, the good news is, you have the power to control your reactions and usher in peace. an achievable state of mind that has everything to do with how you feel inside, instead of what’s happening around you. In case you didn’t hear me, you have power and we’re going to tap into some of that right now.

First, you have to have an awareness of where you are, what you what, and what you need. If you react without thought or understanding then it will be difficult to make any changes.

Before we get too deep it might be worthwhile to answer these questions. Do I want more peace in my life? How much value do I place on peace? Am I willing to avoid chaos to protect my peace?

Over at standinbalance.com I found, 8 Tricks to Tap into your Inner Peace

Amy Morin provides 10 Things Mentally Strong People Give Up to Gain Inner PeaceLetting go of certain things can open the door to true contentment in life and, yes, maybe even inner peace. Found at inc.com

Karen Young reminds us that What You Focus On Is What Becomes Powerful – Why Your Thoughts and Feelings Matter found at heysigmund.com

Ryan Holiday gives us 6 Simple Stoic Lessons To Feel More Peace found on the Daily Stoic Youtube channel

CHALLENGE: take a much-needed time-out as you tap into the power within. You have the ability to order your steps, direct your mind, and guard your heart.

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On this show…we are acquiring, unwrapping, giving, and using our gifts differently. You might hear the word gift and become anxious when you think of a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present. Let’s face it, some of us are not good gift givers. Or you might be thinking of this word with gratitude, possessing a natural ability or talent. You could be thinking of this word with action, like the verb to give (something) as a gift, especially formally or as a donation or bequest. Passing something to someone else. No matter what feeling it elicits or the vision you conjure, let’s take some time to dig a little deeper into gifts. Those we possess, those we give, and those we use.

When I think about the gifts I’ve been given over my lifetime, I’m drawn to the moments, experiences, or art. I come from a family of artists and so each piece I possess is so much more than a gift I received at a certain event celebrating a time in my life. It’s an actual piece of them that they chose to give to me and now that piece lives here, we are all sharing this space together. I think about the time someone invested in me, teaching me, listening to me, and coaching me. Those gifts produce fruit in my life and help me give to someone else. So instead of a present I might have for a period of time, they gave me a gift that I can re-gift as I pass it on.

I was curious about the difference between a gift and a present and found this at mentalfloss.com:

Over at lumankind.com I found 7 Ways To Identify Your Unique Gifts and Contribute to the World

Dr. Carol Bruess enlights us with Do you know the 5 love languages? Here’s what they are — and how to use them found at ideas.ted.com

Richie Norton teaches us HOW TO RECEIVE A GIFT WITH GRACE found at medium.com

Leo Babauta shares The Six Greatest Gifts You Can Give Your Loved Ones found at zenhabits.com

CHALLENGE: don’t miss the many gifts in all the wrapping. Your gifts are unique to you and are something to be treasured, utilized, and passed on. Keep your hearts open to being the receiver as well.

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On this show…we’re going to look at goal setting through a different lens. Instead of anxiously scripting a target based on the top ten goals someone said you should achieve before some magical age, we’re going to set a goal we CAN achieve; being the best you can be. Maybe you’re purpose-driven and have your life planned out for the next 3, 5, or 10 years. Perhaps you love deadlines, competition, pushing yourself to uncomfortable heights, and winning more than losing. I mean who doesn’t? But maybe, you find goal setting, milestones, self-motivation, and the celebratory dance all a bit overwhelming so instead, you retreat until something comfortable and doable lands in your lap. Ok, no matter who you identify with, there is a plan for you.

A leader in my company introduced me to the idea of “Best we can be” and it was a bit of a revelation for me. Don’t you love how that happens? Something so simple can hit with perfect timing and SHAZAM, it’s life-altering. You see I’m sometimes guilty of all-or-nothing thinking. I’ve worked really hard on varying degrees but it’s easy to revert back to old habits.

Now I want you to see this idea of “Best we can be” as a freedom-delivering, positive vibe-inducing way of thinking, not a scapegoat. Oh, believe me, I can justify anything so if you are going into this with anything but positivity, you could see that mantra as an excuse to do less than you’re capable of and call it good. I mean, it’s the best I can be…today.”

Nope, not buying it. This mantra should be liberating and give you extra motivation to try harder. You see goals should be personal, passionate, and ensure growth. If you are in line to lose 10 lbs, get a promotion, make six figures or have 6-pack abs then grab a ticket and take a seat. But if you want to evaluate where you are, what you want, and how you’re going to get there; then set your compass to striving for a better you. Well then, grab your headlamp, and let’s get going!

Scotta20 over at changeyourlifeforever.co.uk starts us off with Be The Best You Can Be And Do It Now

Allaya Cooks-Campbell gives us more information on All-or-nothing thinking: 3 ways to stop throwing in the towel found at betterup.com

JD from Sources of Insight has come up with 8 Practices for Developing Mindfulness (Act Yourself Into a New Way of Thinking) - let’s walk through them

CHALLENGE: turn on the light, ask negative self-talk to zip it, and focus your newfound positive thinking on yourself. This year set a goal you can achieve; the best you can be.

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On this show…it’s time for a reality check as we wind it down and take a step back to evaluate what’s working and what’s not! What’s the definition of insanity? Oh yea, doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. It’s time to take charge and get real. There’s another saying, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it but when was the last time you looked under the hood? Nope, this year we’re not leaving anything to chance but instead taking a proactive approach as we take an honest deep dive into our lives. Sometimes it’s hard to get a good perspective when you’re so close to the subject, ie - ourselves. So we’ll consult some experts, relate with some stories, pull our vantage point back to get the bigger picture and make a commitment to embrace change.

See if you relate. I’m guilty of putting my head down and barrelling toward a project or idea with just sheer will. I feel like reward and success come from hard work instead of admitting to myself, strategy plays a pretty critical role. Like diet and exercise, they go hand in hand and rarely work alone. But the strategy part can be confusing and is where self-doubt enters the picture. Push square into round hole, twist, try again, push harder - you get the picture.

Strategy takes time, some research, evaluation, and patience but the payoff surpasses the exercise.

Heather Timm helps us with How to Evaluate your Life and Change it if Needed found at courageousandmindful.com

Cheenger Lee shares the Wheel of Life. A self-assessment tool to find out what is not working in your life found at medium.com

Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo helps us understand How to make your resolutions a reality; 5 Ways to Make Changes That Stick found at psychologytoday.com

How Habits Can Change Your Life (and Your Brain) - Be Smart Youtube Channel

Here are a few more ideas from Stephanie Hall on Steps To Stick To The Life Changes You Want To Make found at lifehack.org

CHALLENGE: take the time to get to know YOU, the real YOU. What is working and what is not so that you can work together and make the necessary changes to transition into the next phase of life.

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On this show….we are in search of a better vantage point and a little patience as we find awareness and understanding for ourselves and others. On this journey of self-discovery, it’s time for a check-in. Do we know where we are, where we’re going, and why? Are we happy with our progress, if not why? And a question that shouldn’t be overlooked, what can we do to get back on track, get satisfied, or push ahead? It’s easy to get lost in self-help mantras and top 10 lists while assuming you’re doing some quality work and experiencing growth in leaps and bounds, but can you be objective? Aren’t you searching because you don’t have all the answers? If you were “there”, would you be able to recognize it, having never been “there” before? All good exploratory questions, perfect for our check-in.

Let’s take a moment and check our toolbox and map. What are you using to guide your journey to self-discovery? Have you found journaling to be helpful? Are you detailing your day, chronicling visions for your future, or barely recording the important moments? Do you have an accountability partner, therapist, or trusted friend you share updates with? Are you finding time to nurture yourself? ME TIME, yoga time, prayer time, nature time…etc? Are you pulling it together in one cohesive approach or more of a scattershot, trying anything that promises to feel good?

We might need a little direction to get us started or kick-start a relaunch.

Maggie Wooll gives us 10 self-discovery techniques to help you find yourself found at Betterup.com

Kendra Cherry helps us understand What Is Self-Awareness?

Development, Types, and How to Improve - found at verywellmind.com

Sadhguru enlightens us on, How Do You Get To Know Yourself Fully?

Over at fastcompany.com, Lindsay Tigar gives us some strategies on How to be more patient with yourself

CHALLENGE: evaluate where you are on your journey to self-discovery. To do so requires a little self-awareness. Is this a good place to stop and dig in for a while to better understand yourself and others? No need to rush, you set the pace.

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On this show…we are going to take some time to search our souls, do a little research, and spend some time daydreaming to figure out what we truly want. No sense in spending time goal setting if you haven’t identified your goal. Create SMART goals, write your goals down, develop an action plan, build a timeline, and then take action! That all sounds great but first, where are you going? Here’s the infamous line of questioning that we sluff off unless we’re prompted to create a vision for a job interview; Where do you see yourself in 1-3-5 years? As a result, you might think this vision only applies to your professional career but you can use this for anything. What do you want to do this next year?

No, no….this isn’t a trivia question on a game show. You have time and should take time to figure this out. Your answers will chart your direction. Goal setting can be intimidating and this aggressive push to have things figured out and to always be moving forward can be overwhelming. Let’s take a moment and set the action steps aside. Take a big breath in and exhale. Imagine yourself in a room on a comfy chair. The lights are dim and it’s quiet. Not the kind of quiet that gets your mind reeling but the kind that you’re grateful for. We have all the time we want to focus without interruption.

I’m going to ask you a question and there are no right or wrong answers. What do you want? In an attempt to give context but not guide your mind or answer, this doesn’t have to pertain to something tangible like a purchase of sorts. This can be a feeling, a desire, an experience, or a moment. What do you want?

Chris Sparks for medium.com shares Choosing Goals (How to Figure Out What You Want)

Over at Harvard Business Review, I found info on Why We Set Unattainable Goals

Kristine Moe gives us a valuable practice: 5 visualization techniques to help you reach your goals found at betterup.com

CHALLENGE: Spend some time with yourself as you check in on what’s important to you and why. Big or small, set a path for yourself that includes the steps to get there. Check-in regularly and lean on support when you need extra motivation to keep going.

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On this show…we are ringing the bell, taking notice, and adding joy to the world with our own intentional contributions. Guess what, you don’t have to wait on the miraculous to happen to feel great pleasure and happiness. You can take charge and create these feelings for yourself. It starts with understanding more about this feeling called joy. Digging deeper into the action of giving joyfully, and then understanding how you can take ownership of adding joy to the world. Sounds like a worthy mission to me. I mean what’s the opposite; misery, despair, trial, and tribulation - no thank you! Give me joy…oops I mean, let me find joy, strive for joy, and spread joy. Deal?

I have never quite understood this idea of, it’s as good as it’s ever going to get OR these are the cards I’ve been dealt. Or phrases like; that’s just the way it is and everyone’s got to die of something. No thank you! It brings to mind this meme I saw around the internet where a raccoon on the side of the road, definitely deceased has a mylar balloon tied to his wrist that says “Get Well Soon”.

It’s time to take matters into your own hands. Do you want to feel more joyful in your day-to-day life? Would you like to be surrounded by more joyful people? Are you looking for a way to contribute to the health of the world but it feels like an impossible task? Well, you’ve tuned into the right show today - stay with me!

You are a joyologist! Ok, maybe you aren’t right now or today but you can be. You can make infectious joy part of your daily routine.

To get there, we need to know the difference…

At compassion.com I found THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JOY AND HAPPINESS

At globalleadership.org I found some valuable insight; Brené Brown on Joy and Gratitude

Dr. Brené Brown on Joy: It's Terrifying | SuperSoul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network

Lauren Carpenter shares 10 WAYS TO SPREAD JOY found at indymaven.com

The Simple Art of Spreading Joy | Kelly Krenzel | TEDxFargo

At betterhelp.com I found Ways that Spreading Love And Happiness Can Benefit You And Others Around You

CHALLENGE: activate joy in your life! It resides in your heart and you can share it with others through acts of service. Active joy illuminates your life and draws others to you.

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On this show…we are going to slow our mad dash to get somewhere and celebrate where we are. As you look back over this year, take stock of all you’ve done, all you’ve experienced, how you’ve grown, and where you added value. So much of our time and energy is invested in setting goals and striving to hit those goals. What do we do when we get there? We make new goals. Very little time is spent on celebrating the win. What happens when we don’t reach the goal? We give up most of the time, but sometimes we re-engineer that goal and try again. But very little time if any is spent on celebrating what we did accomplish and the growth and learning we received as a result. The quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson might sound cliche, “ “It's not the Destination, It's the journey.” But it’s true! Even though it’s more about the climb the celebration gives you that much-needed intrinsic reward to motivate you as you journey to your next destination.

So as you look back over your year, what stands out? Are you able to immediately pinpoint the positive highlights or are your wins overshadowed by your losses? Isn’t it frustrating the way your brain gives priority to challenges and threats vs positive outcomes?

Were you able to check things off your to-do list and complete some desired goals? What did you do to celebrate or reward yourself? Who in your inner circle was invited? Did you keep it to yourself or over-post on social media - it’s ok, we can be honest here. Let’s trace the steps of this year’s journey to get a push where we may be stuck and kudos where we might have overlooked an accomplished milestone. Let’s also find some healthy habits we can adopt to make the climb that much more rewarding!

As the title explains, let’s start with the celebration. Whitney Johnson helps us kick off the party with Celebrate to Win found at Harvard Business Review

Blake Thorne explains Why Your Brain Has a Negativity Bias and How to Fix It found at I Done This, the Science of Small Win

Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg

CHALLENGE: take stock and identify joy in the process even when you can’t claim a win. Celebrate each milestone along your journey to give yourself the necessary fuel to carry on.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we are taking notice of the world around us by seeing people. Not just the people you have in your inner circle or the people you come into contact with at work, church, school, or the grocery. I mean ALL people from the itty bitty babies who get all the coos to the elderly who sometimes get forgotten. It’s time to celebrate and learn from every season of life. Are you in your prime? What season is that? Is that when you’re just starting out and the world is your oyster or is that when you have finally figured out that life is for you and not against you? That you can overcome life’s challenges and learn from disappointment, pain, and sorrow. Not sure I can cover all the angles of this idea but I can get you thinking and curious to know more. Most importantly, I would like to give you an awareness of the value of each stage so that you can take notice and See People.

This idea came to me in the midst of a people-watching session during some recent travel. Are you a people watcher? Oooooh I love some good people-watching. We recently returned from New Orlean’s French Quarter, need I say more? But this recent travel involved a few airports. Perfect people-watching. You have time, nothing to do but wait on your plane, and plenty of people to watch. But most of the people around me were on their phones, texting, searching, face-timing, playing games, or just clicking through their photos.

Even though I was watching them, they weren’t watching me. It dawned on me how little we casually interact these days. The airport and a long flight used to be the best time to make a new friend, learn about a job or industry, and share a little about yourself with a complete stranger, knowing your paths probably wouldn’t cross again.

Colleen Walsh shares The value of talking to strangers — and nodding acquaintances found at The Harvard Gazette

Shelley Lyford asks an important question; Have We Forgotten About Our Nation’s Seniors? Found at huffpost.com

Follow These 3 Rules To Have a Successful Life ! | Lou Holtz

Eric Baker shares 10 Life Lessons You Can Learn From the Smartest Older People found at time.com

CHALLENGE: SEE PEOPLE, slow down and take notice. Intentionally reach out and connect with some to share and learn. Every stage of life is captured in the people around you, don’t let them go unnoticed.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re looking to take a big ol’intentional step toward our purpose. Lengthening your stride is about walking with long, decisive steps in a specified direction. Being intentional means doing something with a purpose or deliberately. So what you won’t hear during this show is any type of time-out huddle rally, asking you to get your head in the game and try harder, run faster, or achieve better results. Instead, this will be looking at patience, and timing while we take a purposeful walk along our journey. So relax, let the pressures of the day go, and let’s start to examine where we are and where we want to go. We’ll look at picking up a tip or two so don’t worry about a radical life change. Just a pace that is easy yet a bit more calculated.

You know when I started out on my journey, I had it all figured out, or at least I thought I did. Remember mapquest printouts? Step-by-step instructions, arrows, markers, and even upcoming detours. Then life hands you unexpected delays and instead of “recalculating” you hang out there for a while, trying to figure it all out and what should be your next move. It seems like a couple of decades of rinse and repeat until you get a better plan, broader view, or maybe just different expectations. What I mean to say is, hey, life has a way of sorting things out and getting you back on course. Maybe not the one you intended but nevertheless, you’re moving forward.

But guess what….you can insert a little intention here.

Shara Ryan gives us 7 Purposeful Steps To Intentional Living with a thoughtful line of questioning found at simplyrenewedliving.com

Maggie Wooll enlightens us with 8 reasons why patience in life matters found at betterup.com

Caspar Craven tells us how to Be Intentional: Redesign Your Life To Make Good Use Of Time

Antonia at balancethroughsimplicity.com adds 14 Ways to be Intentional Every Day

CHALLENGE: slow down to focus and then step with intent toward your purpose. Slow and steady gives you time to enjoy the experiences along the way as you choose the most meaningful way to spend your most precious resource.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we’re looking to take a big ol’intentional step toward our purpose. Lengthening your stride is about walking with long, decisive steps in a specified direction. Being intentional means doing something with a purpose or deliberately. So what you won’t hear during this show is any type of time-out huddle rally, asking you to get your head in the game and try harder, run faster, or achieve better results. Instead, this will be looking at patience, and timing while we take a purposeful walk along our journey. So relax, let the pressures of the day go, and let’s start to examine where we are and where we want to go. We’ll look at picking up a tip or two so don’t worry about a radical life change. Just a pace that is easy yet a bit more calculated.
You know when I started out on my journey, I had it all figured out, or at least I thought I did. Remember mapquest printouts? Step-by-step instructions, arrows, markers, and even upcoming detours. Then life hands you unexpected delays and instead of “recalculating” you hang out there for a while, trying to figure it all out and what should be your next move. It seems like a couple of decades of rinse and repeat until you get a better plan, broader view, or maybe just different expectations. What I mean to say is, hey, life has a way of sorting things out and getting you back on course. Maybe not the one you intended but nevertheless, you’re moving forward.
But guess what….you can insert a little intention here.
Shara Ryan gives us 7 Purposeful Steps To Intentional Living with a thoughtful line of questioning found at simplyrenewedliving.com
Maggie Wooll enlightens us with 8 reasons why patience in life matters found at betterup.com
Caspar Craven tells us how to Be Intentional: Redesign Your Life To Make Good Use Of Time
Antonia at balancethroughsimplicity.com adds 14 Ways to be Intentional Every Day
CHALLENGE: slow down to focus and then step with intent toward your purpose. Slow and steady gives you time to enjoy the experiences along the way as you choose the most meaningful way to spend your most precious resource.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we will be exposing the elephant in the room, exploring the why behind defiance or hurt feelings, and embracing a new perspective with hopefully understanding and tolerance. We’re aimed at addressing the power imbalance instead of avoiding it. Of course, we will come at the subject from many angles. The abuse of legitimate power and the misuse of perceived power. It may be helpful to use a personal and professional lens to understand what it means to push back and find your voice and when it’s appropriate. We should also be mindful of our own power and suitable use and squander. The word mindful may be the buzzword of the decade but it really is the key to understanding. Mindfulness: a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. It’s about being aware from all angles taking into account all involved. Ready to tip the scales in an attempt to find balance?
I had a friend ask me to do a show on bullying. I haven’t done one before so of course, I agreed. When one hears the word bullying or to bully the first thought, at least for me, is the big boy on the playground picking on the smaller boy. It dawned on me that even though that was my first thought, it in no way represents all the facets of the subject and in fact, is a much too narrow view. So I looked up the definition: seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable). With my first impression of bullying I can say, I don’t have any first-hand knowledge. As a child I was always, for the most part, self-confident and extroverted. I might have been viewed as a leader instead of a follower. I can’t recall a time when someone picked on me at least to the point that it did harm or that I carried the memory with me.
But, when I consider the actual definition: seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable). I can think of many times that I have been or have been attempted to be coerced. In an attempt to seek harm? I’m not sure, intentional or not, it could be viewed as harmful. Perceived as vulnerable? Anytime someone is uninformed they are vulnerable so if you want to split hairs, and I think we should for this purpose then yes. With this new perspective on the definition, I can safely say, we’ve all been involved in a power imbalance at one time or another.
Now, I’m not going to bash the news and social media (even if mentioned) or go on a political tangent. Coercion is all around us. My goal is to shed some light and new perspectives that we can take on our journey of self-discovery. Knowledge is power! I think we can all start there.
First, let’s explore professionally…
Dr. Shonna Waters adds to our knowledge pools with: Feeling uneasy? Here’s what workplace coercion looks like in her article for betterup.com
Cindy Lamothe helps answer this question in: How to Recognize Coercive Control, found at healthline.com
Words are powerful and Ariel Guzman helps us realize this with: Choose Wisely: How Our Words Impact Others
Teamsoul over at iamfearlesssoul.com reminds us that: THIS IS HOW POWERFUL YOUR WORDS ARE – BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SPEAK INTO YOUR LIFE
CHALLENGE: find your voice and speak life and love into others as well as over your own life. The power imbalance shifts when you expose the discrepancies while gaining knowledge about your own thoughts and opinions.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we will be exposing the elephant in the room, exploring the why behind defiance or hurt feelings, and embracing a new perspective with hopefully understanding and tolerance. We’re aimed at addressing the power imbalance instead of avoiding it. Of course, we will come at the subject from many angles. The abuse of legitimate power and the misuse of perceived power. It may be helpful to use a personal and professional lens to understand what it means to push back and find your voice and when it’s appropriate. We should also be mindful of our own power and suitable use and squander. The word mindful may be the buzzword of the decade but it really is the key to understanding. Mindfulness: a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. It’s about being aware from all angles taking into account all involved. Ready to tip the scales in an attempt to find balance?

I had a friend ask me to do a show on bullying. I haven’t done one before so of course, I agreed. When one hears the word bullying or to bully the first thought, at least for me, is the big boy on the playground picking on the smaller boy. It dawned on me that even though that was my first thought, it in no way represents all the facets of the subject and in fact, is a much too narrow view. So I looked up the definition: seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable). With my first impression of bullying I can say, I don’t have any first-hand knowledge. As a child I was always, for the most part, self-confident and extroverted. I might have been viewed as a leader instead of a follower. I can’t recall a time when someone picked on me at least to the point that it did harm or that I carried the memory with me.

But, when I consider the actual definition: seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable). I can think of many times that I have been or have been attempted to be coerced. In an attempt to seek harm? I’m not sure, intentional or not, it could be viewed as harmful. Perceived as vulnerable? Anytime someone is uninformed they are vulnerable so if you want to split hairs, and I think we should for this purpose then yes. With this new perspective on the definition, I can safely say, we’ve all been involved in a power imbalance at one time or another.

Now, I’m not going to bash the news and social media (even if mentioned) or go on a political tangent. Coercion is all around us. My goal is to shed some light and new perspectives that we can take on our journey of self-discovery. Knowledge is power! I think we can all start there.

First, let’s explore professionally…

Dr. Shonna Waters adds to our knowledge pools with: Feeling uneasy? Here’s what workplace coercion looks like in her article for betterup.com

Cindy Lamothe helps answer this question in: How to Recognize Coercive Control, found at healthline.com

Words are powerful and Ariel Guzman helps us realize this with: Choose Wisely: How Our Words Impact Others

Teamsoul over at iamfearlesssoul.com reminds us that: THIS IS HOW POWERFUL YOUR WORDS ARE – BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SPEAK INTO YOUR LIFE

CHALLENGE: find your voice and speak life and love into others as well as over your own life. The power imbalance shifts when you expose the discrepancies while gaining knowledge about your own thoughts and opinions.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:

On this show….we are zooming out to get a handle on what’s really going on and what we’re really dealing with. Sometimes the only way to shrink the challenge is to get a new perspective. Are you in the thick of it? You know, up close and maybe too personal to the problem. It’s hard to be objective when you’re staring into the eye of the giant. Back away a bit, gain some height, and a new vantage point. Ok, from up here, what do you see? It may seem like a simple technique but when you’re slogging it out in life it’s hard to take the time or do the climb. But all the more reason. What’s the alternative? Stay stuck, paralyzed by fear, unable to see your way out? Well you could but you’ll only last there for so long and OH the damage you’re doing to yourself in the meantime.

Or, you can take a big breath. Go on…take a BIG BEATHE. Now, let it out real slow. Still with me? Then the ceiling wasn’t falling as fast as you thought. Let’s jockey for a new position, up high where all those insurmountable problems shrink in size. Where we can pull in some peripheral context. Yep, he’s a giant alright but I got this and I can now see with a couple of keen moves this is all going to work out just right.

So I’m going to share some ideas, we’ll listen to a few experts, and attack this from multiple angles. Let’s get started!

Korin Miller shares 13 Strategies Therapists Personally Use To Put Things in Perspective found at wellandgood.com

Sherrie Hurd sheds some light on Why Making a Mountain out of a Molehill Is a Toxic Habit and How to Stop found at learning-mind.com

Jordan Peterson on Keeping Things in Perspective in Your Life

Over at intelligentchange I found 6 Ways to Deal With Daily Challenges and Obstacles

CHALLENGE: take the time to seek a new perspective. Whether changing your vantage point or opening your mind to new ideas, you can shrink your challenges when you gain a new outlook.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:
On this show….we are zooming out to get a handle on what’s really going on and what we’re really dealing with. Sometimes the only way to shrink the challenge is to get a new perspective. Are you in the thick of it? You know, up close and maybe too personal to the problem. It’s hard to be objective when you’re staring into the eye of the giant. Back away a bit, gain some height, and a new vantage point. Ok, from up here, what do you see? It may seem like a simple technique but when you’re slogging it out in life it’s hard to take the time or do the climb. But all the more reason. What’s the alternative? Stay stuck, paralyzed by fear, unable to see your way out? Well you could but you’ll only last there for so long and OH the damage you’re doing to yourself in the meantime.
Or, you can take a big breath. Go on…take a BIG BEATHE. Now, let it out real slow. Still with me? Then the ceiling wasn’t falling as fast as you thought. Let’s jockey for a new position, up high where all those insurmountable problems shrink in size. Where we can pull in some peripheral context. Yep, he’s a giant alright but I got this and I can now see with a couple of keen moves this is all going to work out just right.
So I’m going to share some ideas, we’ll listen to a few experts, and attack this from multiple angles. Let’s get started!
Korin Miller shares 13 Strategies Therapists Personally Use To Put Things in Perspective found at wellandgood.com
Sherrie Hurd sheds some light on Why Making a Mountain out of a Molehill Is a Toxic Habit and How to Stop found at learning-mind.com
Jordan Peterson on Keeping Things in Perspective in Your Life
Over at intelligentchange I found 6 Ways to Deal With Daily Challenges and Obstacles
CHALLENGE: take the time to seek a new perspective. Whether changing your vantage point or opening your mind to new ideas, you can shrink your challenges when you gain a new outlook.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are allowing the door to close, the song to end, and the chapter to play out because we’re moving on without the need for closure. Feels unfinished, huh? People want answers whether there are any or not. If not, we tend to fill in the blanks with the not-so-rosiest of answers. Are you thinking about your own unanswered questions or the time you didn’t receive closure? How did you move on? Maybe you didn’t and you’re still carrying shards of that failed relationship around with you, comparing every new encounter. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how dangerous that can be. Put yourself in their shoes. That’s it, it’s so difficult to see this from any other angle than the one you’re struggling with. What did I do? Where did I go wrong? How can I fix it? Who else is going to hurt me?
If you can’t get there on your own then I’ll move this topic around, from angle to angle for you, to make sure you’re seeing all the possible sides.
Pam Ramsden gives us an understanding of The psychology of closure – and why some need it more than others found at theconversation.com
Wendy Rose Gould answers the question, What Is Closure in a Relationship?
5 signs you haven't found it just yet, plus steps to help you move forward, found at verywellmind.com
Psych2go 7 Signs You're Ready for a Closure From a Relationship
Marc Chernoff shares more with 8 Effective Ways to Let Go and Move On
Found at markandangel.com
Dr. David J. Ley suggests an alternative view of Why You Don't Actually Need "Closure" found at pyschologytoday.com
CHALLENGE: don’t be afraid to move on without having all the questions answered. Not every situation needs to be fully defined and not every situation offers you closure. Freedom from the old way of thinking can propel you into a future full of unlimited possibilities.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are allowing the door to close, the song to end, and the chapter to play out because we’re moving on without the need for closure. Feels unfinished, huh? People want answers whether there are any or not. If not, we tend to fill in the blanks with the not-so-rosiest of answers. Are you thinking about your own unanswered questions or the time you didn’t receive closure? How did you move on? Maybe you didn’t and you’re still carrying shards of that failed relationship around with you, comparing every new encounter. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how dangerous that can be. Put yourself in their shoes. That’s it, it’s so difficult to see this from any other angle than the one you’re struggling with. What did I do? Where did I go wrong? How can I fix it? Who else is going to hurt me?

If you can’t get there on your own then I’ll move this topic around, from angle to angle for you, to make sure you’re seeing all the possible sides.

Pam Ramsden gives us an understanding of The psychology of closure – and why some need it more than others found at theconversation.com

Wendy Rose Gould answers the question, What Is Closure in a Relationship?

5 signs you haven't found it just yet, plus steps to help you move forward, found at verywellmind.com

Psych2go 7 Signs You're Ready for a Closure From a Relationship

Marc Chernoff shares more with 8 Effective Ways to Let Go and Move On

Found at markandangel.com

Dr. David J. Ley suggests an alternative view of Why You Don't Actually Need "Closure" found at pyschologytoday.com

CHALLENGE: don’t be afraid to move on without having all the questions answered. Not every situation needs to be fully defined and not every situation offers you closure. Freedom from the old way of thinking can propel you into a future full of unlimited possibilities.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are recognizing that unsettling feeling and listening to our restless hearts as we look for more. More meaning, more opportunity, more purpose, and more satisfaction. Unsure of where to look? You aren’t alone. So many of us get stuck in the ruts of the day-to-day monotony of life. CLIP What gets you excited about looking for more? Because the fact is, you have to want more to look for more. Maybe it’s experience and adventure or learning something new. Maybe it’s spending time with the precious people in your life and growing your connections. Whatever whispers to you that there’s more out than the routine of life, grab hold and ask for more.
I think there are seasons of your life when you’re naturally more curious. I can think of a few that I’ve already walked through. When you’re young and testing the waters of anything and everything. You are always looking for more and MORE RIGHT NOW! During the nesting phase I kept my head down and my “more” became more time in each day, more money to cover the bills, and more help with the children. When I recognized a bit of auto-pilot mentality surface I began looking for something to shake up the rut. For me, I love to create. Give me scissors, glue, paint, fabric, yarn…you name it and I’m creating. It’s therapeutic and satisfying. I also love to learn new things. I’m not an adrenaline junky so you won’t catch me skydiving or bungee jumping. BTW if you do, make sure I haven’t been kidnapped. In the next season, I’m hoping to travel and see more of this amazing and wondrous world.
What season of life are you in?
James McWhinney helps us with 6 Powerful Questions That Will Change Your Life Forever found at tinybuddha.com
Christina Desmarais shares some inspiration on 7 Proven Ways to Get More Out of Life found at inc.com
Tasha Eurich sheds some light on What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It) found at the Harvard Business Review
3 Strategies to Help Someone Become More Self-Aware - Dr. Tasha Eurich
Susan Steinbrecher has uncovered 7 Ways to Create Meaningful Connections That May Save Your Life found at inc.com
CHALLENGE: Look within yourself for more. Activate the power you have to learn, seek connections, challenge yourself, and grow. Satisfaction comes from knowing you are living your best life!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are recognizing that unsettling feeling and listening to our restless hearts as we look for more. More meaning, more opportunity, more purpose, and more satisfaction. Unsure of where to look? You aren’t alone. So many of us get stuck in the ruts of the day-to-day monotony of life. CLIP What gets you excited about looking for more? Because the fact is, you have to want more to look for more. Maybe it’s experience and adventure or learning something new. Maybe it’s spending time with the precious people in your life and growing your connections. Whatever whispers to you that there’s more out than the routine of life, grab hold and ask for more.

I think there are seasons of your life when you’re naturally more curious. I can think of a few that I’ve already walked through. When you’re young and testing the waters of anything and everything. You are always looking for more and MORE RIGHT NOW! During the nesting phase I kept my head down and my “more” became more time in each day, more money to cover the bills, and more help with the children. When I recognized a bit of auto-pilot mentality surface I began looking for something to shake up the rut. For me, I love to create. Give me scissors, glue, paint, fabric, yarn…you name it and I’m creating. It’s therapeutic and satisfying. I also love to learn new things. I’m not an adrenaline junky so you won’t catch me skydiving or bungee jumping. BTW if you do, make sure I haven’t been kidnapped. In the next season, I’m hoping to travel and see more of this amazing and wondrous world.

What season of life are you in?

James McWhinney helps us with 6 Powerful Questions That Will Change Your Life Forever found at tinybuddha.com

Christina Desmarais shares some inspiration on 7 Proven Ways to Get More Out of Life found at inc.com

Tasha Eurich sheds some light on What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It) found at the Harvard Business Review

3 Strategies to Help Someone Become More Self-Aware - Dr. Tasha Eurich

Susan Steinbrecher has uncovered 7 Ways to Create Meaningful Connections That May Save Your Life found at inc.com

CHALLENGE: Look within yourself for more. Activate the power you have to learn, seek connections, challenge yourself, and grow. Satisfaction comes from knowing you are living your best life!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are waking up and taking notice that we’re in charge of hope. No longer will we resign to hopelessness or a feeling of powerlessness. No longer will we get swept away with all that is wrong forgetting that we play a part in our own happiness and hope - a BIG part. We can choose to see the light or be consumed with darkness. We can buy into what we see or spend our time visualizing what we want to see. When you meditate, calm yourself, and take a breather, what do you think about? Do you replay all that you’ve heard, spinning in a loop of fear, or do you think of solutions? What drives you to problem-solving?
I can’t stand to be stuck. That’s it. Whether it’s in a bad mood, financially behind, or that feeling of powerlessness. I take a moment to acknowledge it and then I say, “Whelp, here we are …now what?” When my Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and facing a long road ahead he told me, we’re heading to the doctor to see what we’re dealing with here. I love that attitude. Life is full of challenges and setbacks but it’s also full of victory and joy. You have to see what you’re dealing with and find the opportunities, even if initially hard to see, to instill hope.
Karyn Hall Ph.D. gets us started with Finding Hope found at pyscologytoday.com
Let’s take a minute and learn a little more about Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman
Over at Hope Grows I found a little more about the importance of hope
Jessie over at trackinghappiness.com gives us 4 Strategies to Find Hope in a Hopeless Situation
Charlie Furr Don't Quit, Don't Stop, Never Give Up
Tony Fahkry leaves us with Why The Power Of Hope Overcomes All Obstacles
CHALLENGE: turn away from the chaos and seek a radical change in your thinking. Realize that hope is within your grasp and choose to believe in what you can’t see. Hopelessness is not a destiny but a call to action.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are waking up and taking notice that we’re in charge of hope. No longer will we resign to hopelessness or a feeling of powerlessness. No longer will we get swept away with all that is wrong forgetting that we play a part in our own happiness and hope - a BIG part. We can choose to see the light or be consumed with darkness. We can buy into what we see or spend our time visualizing what we want to see. When you meditate, calm yourself, and take a breather, what do you think about? Do you replay all that you’ve heard, spinning in a loop of fear, or do you think of solutions? What drives you to problem-solving?

I can’t stand to be stuck. That’s it. Whether it’s in a bad mood, financially behind, or that feeling of powerlessness. I take a moment to acknowledge it and then I say, “Whelp, here we are …now what?” When my Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and facing a long road ahead he told me, we’re heading to the doctor to see what we’re dealing with here. I love that attitude. Life is full of challenges and setbacks but it’s also full of victory and joy. You have to see what you’re dealing with and find the opportunities, even if initially hard to see, to instill hope.

Karyn Hall Ph.D. gets us started with Finding Hope found at pyscologytoday.com

Let’s take a minute and learn a little more about Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman

Over at Hope Grows I found a little more about the importance of hope

Jessie over at trackinghappiness.com gives us 4 Strategies to Find Hope in a Hopeless Situation

Charlie Furr Don't Quit, Don't Stop, Never Give Up

Tony Fahkry leaves us with Why The Power Of Hope Overcomes All Obstacles

CHALLENGE: turn away from the chaos and seek a radical change in your thinking. Realize that hope is within your grasp and choose to believe in what you can’t see. Hopelessness is not a destiny but a call to action.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:

Sometimes walking away and letting go can be the hardest thing to do. Letting go of people, ideas, regrets, routines, or desires. Hard work, focus, and even love may not be enough to control a situation and dictate the outcome. Sometimes you simply have to let go and realize it’s not your fight, it’s not your journey, and it’s not your life. But there is a way to do this...and that’s with Love.

Here’s a secret that I’m hoping is a revelation for you sooner rather than later. You can not change people. Waiting for someone to meet your expectations may be the cruelest irony. They will NEVER meet your expectations because it’s not theirs. Your hope should be they meet or exceed their own true potential. But your expectations are just that….your expectations.

• Last show was about managing our own expectations
• Who do you have expectations for?
• Are they realistic?
• Are they about you or about them?
• How many chances do you give?
• What does it take for you to let go?

Blog - Joyful Days - live well, be happy https://www.joyfuldays.com/let-go-of-expectations/

Shreya Dalela shares info on Practicing The Subtle Art Of Detachment found on her blog

CHALLENGE: Be aware of the power struggle in your own life and who’s pulling harder. Question your resistance and remember, you are worth more. Your time, your attention, your patience, and your love are worth more. Split the difference with yourself.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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Sometimes walking away and letting go can be the hardest thing to do. Letting go of people, ideas, regrets, routines, or desires. Hard work, focus, and even love may not be enough to control a situation and dictate the outcome. Sometimes you simply have to let go and realize it’s not your fight, it’s not your journey, and it’s not your life. But there is a way to do this...and that’s with Love.
Here’s a secret that I’m hoping is a revelation for you sooner rather than later. You can not change people. Waiting for someone to meet your expectations may be the cruelest irony. They will NEVER meet your expectations because it’s not theirs. Your hope should be they meet or exceed their own true potential. But your expectations are just that….your expectations.
Last show was about managing our own expectations
Who do you have expectations for?
Are they realistic?
Are they about you or about them?
How many chances do you give?
What does it take for you to let go?

Blog - Joyful Days - live well, be happy https://www.joyfuldays.com/let-go-of-expectations/
Shreya Dalela shares info on Practicing The Subtle Art Of Detachment found on her blog
CHALLENGE: Be aware of the power struggle in your own life and who’s pulling harder. Question your resistance and remember, you are worth more. Your time, your attention, your patience, and your love are worth more. Split the difference with yourself.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are elevating our thinking and rising above for a new perspective. Life can be chaotic and the world may seem out of control but WE don’t have to get lost in the minutia trying to figure it all out. Are you shaking your head because you’ve had one of those days? I’m sure when you woke up this morning you had high hopes to soar through the day focused on only the positive only to get pushed and pulled into every traumatic, anxiety-induced, over-the-top issue possible. Ok breathe….stay with me here, what if, none of that needed your time and attention? I’m not suggesting and out of body experience here but let’s imagine ourselves floating up above all the problems of the world. From here we look down to put things into perspective. What do you see?

I love this visual and use it often. It reduces a mountain back down to a molehill. It allows me to prioritize when everything seems to want the same amount of attention, and it opens my eyes to the fact that I don’t have to spin every plate or catch every ball.

Everyone can picture a mouse maze, right? Now, don’t you know the mouse wishes he had your perspective right now? All he wants is some cheese, he’s hungry, he can smell it but from his vantage point, he only sees obstacle after obstacle, dead end after dead end. From your perspective, you can see the right path to the cheese without any problem - “Go there…no no, take a left, now a right, RUN You got it!”

The chaos of life can feel like that mouse maze where we keep going in circles and getting now where. What if we change our vantage point?

Michelle Grace Maiellaro shows us How to Master The Chaos of Your Life in 2022 found at theresilientwoman.today

Jacqueline T. Hill shows us How to Develop Different Perspectives on Life found at lifehack.org

Lyssa Dehart found 7 Perspective Shifts that Will Change Your Life that she shares on her blog lyssadhart.com

Preston Smiles - Change Your Perception Change Your Life

CHALLENGE: Stop running the rat race and rise above. Change your vantage point for a new perspective. You don’t have to participate in the same manner or at all. Search out a new route for your journey.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are elevating our thinking and rising above for a new perspective. Life can be chaotic and the world may seem out of control but WE don’t have to get lost in the minutia trying to figure it all out. Are you shaking your head because you’ve had one of those days? I’m sure when you woke up this morning you had high hopes to soar through the day focused on only the positive only to get pushed and pulled into every traumatic, anxiety-induced, over-the-top issue possible. Ok breathe….stay with me here, what if, none of that needed your time and attention? I’m not suggesting and out of body experience here but let’s imagine ourselves floating up above all the problems of the world. From here we look down to put things into perspective. What do you see?
I love this visual and use it often. It reduces a mountain back down to a molehill. It allows me to prioritize when everything seems to want the same amount of attention, and it opens my eyes to the fact that I don’t have to spin every plate or catch every ball.
Everyone can picture a mouse maze, right? Now, don’t you know the mouse wishes he had your perspective right now? All he wants is some cheese, he’s hungry, he can smell it but from his vantage point, he only sees obstacle after obstacle, dead end after dead end. From your perspective, you can see the right path to the cheese without any problem - “Go there…no no, take a left, now a right, RUN You got it!”
The chaos of life can feel like that mouse maze where we keep going in circles and getting now where. What if we change our vantage point?
Michelle Grace Maiellaro shows us How to Master The Chaos of Your Life in 2022 found at theresilientwoman.today
Jacqueline T. Hill shows us How to Develop Different Perspectives on Life found at lifehack.org
Lyssa Dehart found 7 Perspective Shifts that Will Change Your Life that she shares on her blog lyssadhart.com
Preston Smiles - Change Your Perception Change Your Life
CHALLENGE: Stop running the rat race and rise above. Change your vantage point for a new perspective. You don’t have to participate in the same manner or at all. Search out a new route for your journey.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are elevating our thinking and rising above for a new perspective. Life can be chaotic and the world may seem out of control but WE don’t have to get lost in the minutia trying to figure it all out. Are you shaking your head because you’ve had one of those days? I’m sure when you woke up this morning you had high hopes to soar through the day focused on only the positive only to get pushed and pulled into every traumatic, anxiety-induced, over-the-top issue possible. Ok breathe….stay with me here, what if, none of that needed your time and attention? I’m not suggesting and out of body experience here but let’s imagine ourselves floating up above all the problems of the world. From here we look down to put things into perspective. What do you see?

I love this visual and use it often. It reduces a mountain back down to a molehill. It allows me to prioritize when everything seems to want the same amount of attention, and it opens my eyes to the fact that I don’t have to spin every plate or catch every ball.

Everyone can picture a mouse maze, right? Now, don’t you know the mouse wishes he had your perspective right now? All he wants is some cheese, he’s hungry, he can smell it but from his vantage point, he only sees obstacle after obstacle, dead end after dead end. From your perspective, you can see the right path to the cheese without any problem - “Go there…no no, take a left, now a right, RUN You got it!”

The chaos of life can feel like that mouse maze where we keep going in circles and getting now where. What if we change our vantage point?

Michelle Grace Maiellaro shows us How to Master The Chaos of Your Life in 2022 found at theresilientwoman.today

Jacqueline T. Hill shows us How to Develop Different Perspectives on Life found at lifehack.org

Lyssa Dehart found 7 Perspective Shifts that Will Change Your Life that she shares on her blog lyssadhart.com

Preston Smiles - Change Your Perception Change Your Life

CHALLENGE: Stop running the rat race and rise above. Change your vantage point for a new perspective. You don’t have to participate in the same manner or at all. Search out a new route for your journey.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are flipping on our internal filters and giving ourselves ample time and space to consider our words and consider them wisely because our words matter! You’ve heard it before, there is life and death in your words. Research shows the average person speaks at least 7,000 words a day, with many speaking much more than that. The words you speak are your imprint on the world and dictate how people perceive you – and largely define you. What are you saying? How many of those 7,000 words you spoke were encouraging? How many included gossip or judgment? How many were the same words you spoke yesterday? How many involved a smile and how many were said through tears?

Your words matter. The words you say to yourself, out of your mouth, or in your head. The words you use to describe yourself to the people who love you and the ones you’ve just met. The words you use to fill a gap in your day or the ones you go out of your way to say. The words that shine a light on the good and the ones that reinforce the bad.

When is the last time you thought about your words? When is the last time you questioned, contradicted, or fought back against the words you heard when you were growing up that define you today? When is the last time you searched for new words to replace the old ones?

At the Proctor Gallagher Institute if found a story from Sandy Gallagher to put things in perspective.

At Health Direct I found some important information about Self Talk.

Susana Smith shares How to Describe Yourself: 180 Words for Your Positive Qualities found at owlcation.com

Robin Sharma is a Canadian writer, best known for his The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari book series. Sharma worked as a litigation lawyer until age 25, when he self-published MegaLiving, a book on stress management and spirituality. Let’s listen to his take on Why Your Words Matter.

Over at carolcooke.com I found 5 Reasons for Pushing Beyond Your Limits.

CHALLENGE: Take the time to consider your words, where are your 7,000 going? When you notice a negative turn either internally, in a mixed company, or directed toward someone else, remember that only you can course correct and get back on track.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are flipping on our internal filters and giving ourselves ample time and space to consider our words and consider them wisely because our words matter! You’ve heard it before, there is life and death in your words. Research shows the average person speaks at least 7,000 words a day, with many speaking much more than that. The words you speak are your imprint on the world and dictate how people perceive you – and largely define you. What are you saying? How many of those 7,000 words you spoke were encouraging? How many included gossip or judgment? How many were the same words you spoke yesterday? How many involved a smile and how many were said through tears?

Your words matter. The words you say to yourself, out of your mouth, or in your head. The words you use to describe yourself to the people who love you and the ones you’ve just met. The words you use to fill a gap in your day or the ones you go out of your way to say. The words that shine a light on the good and the ones that reinforce the bad.

When is the last time you thought about your words? When is the last time you questioned, contradicted, or fought back against the words you heard when you were growing up that define you today? When is the last time you searched for new words to replace the old ones?

At the Proctor Gallagher Institute if found a story from Sandy Gallagher to put things in perspective.

At Health Direct I found some important information about Self Talk.

Susana Smith shares How to Describe Yourself: 180 Words for Your Positive Qualities found at owlcation.com

Robin Sharma is a Canadian writer, best known for his The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari book series. Sharma worked as a litigation lawyer until age 25, when he self-published MegaLiving, a book on stress management and spirituality. Let’s listen to his take on Why Your Words Matter.

Over at carolcooke.com I found 5 Reasons for Pushing Beyond Your Limits.

CHALLENGE: Take the time to consider your words, where are your 7,000 going? When you notice a negative turn either internally, in a mixed company, or directed toward someone else, remember that only you can course correct and get back on track.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are flipping on our internal filters and giving ourselves ample time and space to consider our words and consider them wisely because our words matter! You’ve heard it before, there is life and death in your words. Research shows the average person speaks at least 7,000 words a day, with many speaking much more than that. The words you speak are your imprint on the world and dictate how people perceive you – and largely define you. What are you saying? How many of those 7,000 words you spoke were encouraging? How many included gossip or judgment? How many were the same words you spoke yesterday? How many involved a smile and how many were said through tears?
Your words matter. The words you say to yourself, out of your mouth, or in your head. The words you use to describe yourself to the people who love you and the ones you’ve just met. The words you use to fill a gap in your day or the ones you go out of your way to say. The words that shine a light on the good and the ones that reinforce the bad.
When is the last time you thought about your words? When is the last time you questioned, contradicted, or fought back against the words you heard when you were growing up that define you today? When is the last time you searched for new words to replace the old ones?
At the Proctor Gallagher Institute if found a story from Sandy Gallagher to put things in perspective.
At Health Direct I found some important information about Self Talk.
Susana Smith shares How to Describe Yourself: 180 Words for Your Positive Qualities found at owlcation.com
Robin Sharma is a Canadian writer, best known for his The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari book series. Sharma worked as a litigation lawyer until age 25, when he self-published MegaLiving, a book on stress management and spirituality. Let’s listen to his take on Why Your Words Matter.
Over at carolcooke.com I found 5 Reasons for Pushing Beyond Your Limits.
CHALLENGE: Take the time to consider your words, where are your 7,000 going? When you notice a negative turn either internally, in a mixed company, or directed toward someone else, remember that only you can course correct and get back on track.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are armed with a hoe and spade in hand as we attempt to pluck out our deeply rooted compulsive behavior of people pleasing. Now, before you question how bad could “pleasing” someone really be? I will just say stop, listen, and hold on to your hat! This episode is meant to be eye-opening to help you notice these characteristics in yourself and in others as a way to bring awareness and the opportunity for change.
I for one held out on addressing these issues longer than I should. Frankly, I was in denial. A notable characteristic in itself. I’m “helping people” hello, doesn’t anyone but me recognize this? For some reason, I just had the capacity to be able to take on more and solve everyone else’s problems while solving my own. Sounds reasonable right? Well if you just said yes then you are in as bad of shape as I was so stay tuned.
I didn’t know what people were referring to when they would say things like, take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. If I would have taken the time to do that, then they would have been in even more of a mess than they were to start with. Geez - looking back now I can see how ridiculous that line of thinking was but then, under that influence, without the awareness, it sounded perfectly normal. Thank you to CODA - Codependence Anonymous for opening my eyes.
Dr. Shawna Freshwater helps us understand what we’re dealing with in Codependency Traits: What, How, When are the Traits Formed? Found at spacioustherapy.com
Dr. Bruce Y. Lee gives us some strategies on How to Deal with People-Pleasers Who Go Too Far found at psychologytoday.com
Jon Jaehnig teaches us How To Change Your Thoughts And Behavior Patterns For the Better at betterhelp.com
JACK CANFIELD | The Law Of Attraction CHEAT CODE!
CHALLENGE: take an honest look at yourself and be willing to address your characteristics that aren’t serving you in a loving and positive way. You have the power to change your thinking and your behavior.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are armed with a hoe and spade in hand as we attempt to pluck out our deeply rooted compulsive behavior of people pleasing. Now, before you question how bad could “pleasing” someone really be? I will just say stop, listen, and hold on to your hat! This episode is meant to be eye-opening to help you notice these characteristics in yourself and in others as a way to bring awareness and the opportunity for change.

I for one held out on addressing these issues longer than I should. Frankly, I was in denial. A notable characteristic in itself. I’m “helping people” hello, doesn’t anyone but me recognize this? For some reason, I just had the capacity to be able to take on more and solve everyone else’s problems while solving my own. Sounds reasonable right? Well if you just said yes then you are in as bad of shape as I was so stay tuned.

I didn’t know what people were referring to when they would say things like, take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. If I would have taken the time to do that, then they would have been in even more of a mess than they were to start with. Geez - looking back now I can see how ridiculous that line of thinking was but then, under that influence, without the awareness, it sounded perfectly normal. Thank you to CODA - Codependence Anonymous for opening my eyes.

Dr. Shawna Freshwater helps us understand what we’re dealing with in Codependency Traits: What, How, When are the Traits Formed? Found at spacioustherapy.com

Dr. Bruce Y. Lee gives us some strategies on How to Deal with People-Pleasers Who Go Too Far found at psychologytoday.com

Jon Jaehnig teaches us How To Change Your Thoughts And Behavior Patterns For the Better at betterhelp.com

JACK CANFIELD | The Law Of Attraction CHEAT CODE!

CHALLENGE: take an honest look at yourself and be willing to address your characteristics that aren’t serving you in a loving and positive way. You have the power to change your thinking and your behavior.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are armed with a hoe and spade in hand as we attempt to pluck out our deeply rooted compulsive behavior of people pleasing. Now, before you question how bad could “pleasing” someone really be? I will just say stop, listen, and hold on to your hat! This episode is meant to be eye-opening to help you notice these characteristics in yourself and in others as a way to bring awareness and the opportunity for change.

I for one held out on addressing these issues longer than I should. Frankly, I was in denial. A notable characteristic in itself. I’m “helping people” hello, doesn’t anyone but me recognize this? For some reason, I just had the capacity to be able to take on more and solve everyone else’s problems while solving my own. Sounds reasonable right? Well if you just said yes then you are in as bad of shape as I was so stay tuned.

I didn’t know what people were referring to when they would say things like, take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. If I would have taken the time to do that, then they would have been in even more of a mess than they were to start with. Geez - looking back now I can see how ridiculous that line of thinking was but then, under that influence, without the awareness, it sounded perfectly normal. Thank you to CODA - Codependence Anonymous for opening my eyes.

Dr. Shawna Freshwater helps us understand what we’re dealing with in Codependency Traits: What, How, When are the Traits Formed? Found at spacioustherapy.com

Dr. Bruce Y. Lee gives us some strategies on How to Deal with People-Pleasers Who Go Too Far found at psychologytoday.com

Jon Jaehnig teaches us How To Change Your Thoughts And Behavior Patterns For the Better at betterhelp.com

JACK CANFIELD | The Law Of Attraction CHEAT CODE!

CHALLENGE: take an honest look at yourself and be willing to address your characteristics that aren’t serving you in a loving and positive way. You have the power to change your thinking and your behavior.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are pressing pause on our heat-seeking mission and adopting a new approach - what we seek lies within. Who knew? The books we’ve read, the miles we’ve traveled, the mantras we’ve memorized, and all this time it was closer than our backyard. Our power and peace are actually within us and they’ve been here the whole time! No sense blaming the snake that could’ve bit you. Be thankful that you are learning it now with plenty of time to activate them and use them going forward. So many times we are in search of someone to save us, entertain us, inspire us, motivate us, push us, or pull us. We can’t seem to get going because we haven't met the right person, read the right book, or heard the right podcast. So we wait, grumble, whine, ruminate, and even get angry. All the while the spigot within us remains untapped. Who couldn’t use a little more power and peace? Wait…I said who couldn’t, put those hands down.

Oh boy, if you’re looking for power all you have to do is Google it. Seriously, power, finding your power, being powerful, activating your power, and tapping into your power are all the craze these days. Why do you think that is? I’m assuming it’s because a lot of people are feeling pretty powerless these days and are grasping at anything and everything to feel even the least bit empowered.

So it’s within us? We’ve had this power all along? You mean I can stop what I’m doing and tap into my power at any moment? Yep. Let’s learn a little more and don’t forget peace. At the end of the day, it’s the only thing that carries us through until tomorrow. Peace and of course Hope.

Over at the International Association of Reiki Professionals, I found, Finding Your Power – Laying the Seeds for an Unshakable Foundation

Chiara Gizzi shares 3 SIMPLE STEPS TO ACCESS THE POWER WITHIN YOU found at iamfearlessoul.com

Fearlessoul - Within Us

Ready for a Daily Power Practice? Carley Hauck gives us 10 Steps to Finding Inner Strength

Amber Murphy at declutterthemind.com helps us with 15 Ways to Achieve Inner Peace

CHALLENGE: Look within to tap into your power and your peace. Build in daily practice so that activating your gifts becomes second nature. Remember to intentionally share these gifts with those you meet to heighten the experience.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are pressing pause on our heat-seeking mission and adopting a new approach - what we seek lies within. Who knew? The books we’ve read, the miles we’ve traveled, the mantras we’ve memorized, and all this time it was closer than our backyard. Our power and peace are actually within us and they’ve been here the whole time! No sense blaming the snake that could’ve bit you. Be thankful that you are learning it now with plenty of time to activate them and use them going forward. So many times we are in search of someone to save us, entertain us, inspire us, motivate us, push us, or pull us. We can’t seem to get going because we haven't met the right person, read the right book, or heard the right podcast. So we wait, grumble, whine, ruminate, and even get angry. All the while the spigot within us remains untapped. Who couldn’t use a little more power and peace? Wait…I said who couldn’t, put those hands down.

Oh boy, if you’re looking for power all you have to do is Google it. Seriously, power, finding your power, being powerful, activating your power, and tapping into your power are all the craze these days. Why do you think that is? I’m assuming it’s because a lot of people are feeling pretty powerless these days and are grasping at anything and everything to feel even the least bit empowered.

So it’s within us? We’ve had this power all along? You mean I can stop what I’m doing and tap into my power at any moment? Yep. Let’s learn a little more and don’t forget peace. At the end of the day, it’s the only thing that carries us through until tomorrow. Peace and of course Hope.

Over at the International Association of Reiki Professionals, I found, Finding Your Power – Laying the Seeds for an Unshakable Foundation

Chiara Gizzi shares 3 SIMPLE STEPS TO ACCESS THE POWER WITHIN YOU found at iamfearlessoul.com

Fearlessoul - Within Us

Ready for a Daily Power Practice? Carley Hauck gives us 10 Steps to Finding Inner Strength

Amber Murphy at declutterthemind.com helps us with 15 Ways to Achieve Inner Peace

CHALLENGE: Look within to tap into your power and your peace. Build in daily practice so that activating your gifts becomes second nature. Remember to intentionally share these gifts with those you meet to heighten the experience.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are pressing pause on our heat-seeking mission and adopting a new approach - what we seek lies within. Who knew? The books we’ve read, the miles we’ve traveled, the mantras we’ve memorized, and all this time it was closer than our backyard. Our power and peace are actually within us and they’ve been here the whole time! No sense blaming the snake that could’ve bit you. Be thankful that you are learning it now with plenty of time to activate them and use them going forward. So many times we are in search of someone to save us, entertain us, inspire us, motivate us, push us, or pull us. We can’t seem to get going because we haven't met the right person, read the right book, or heard the right podcast. So we wait, grumble, whine, ruminate, and even get angry. All the while the spigot within us remains untapped. Who couldn’t use a little more power and peace? Wait…I said who couldn’t, put those hands down.
Oh boy, if you’re looking for power all you have to do is Google it. Seriously, power, finding your power, being powerful, activating your power, and tapping into your power are all the craze these days. Why do you think that is? I’m assuming it’s because a lot of people are feeling pretty powerless these days and are grasping at anything and everything to feel even the least bit empowered.
So it’s within us? We’ve had this power all along? You mean I can stop what I’m doing and tap into my power at any moment? Yep. Let’s learn a little more and don’t forget peace. At the end of the day, it’s the only thing that carries us through until tomorrow. Peace and of course Hope.
Over at the International Association of Reiki Professionals, I found, Finding Your Power – Laying the Seeds for an Unshakable Foundation
Chiara Gizzi shares 3 SIMPLE STEPS TO ACCESS THE POWER WITHIN YOU found at iamfearlessoul.com
Fearlessoul - Within Us
Ready for a Daily Power Practice? Carley Hauck gives us 10 Steps to Finding Inner Strength
Amber Murphy at declutterthemind.com helps us with 15 Ways to Achieve Inner Peace
CHALLENGE: Look within to tap into your power and your peace. Build in daily practice so that activating your gifts becomes second nature. Remember to intentionally share these gifts with those you meet to heighten the experience.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

View Details

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are stepping up and taking notice of the needs around us and in ourselves. Feeling frustrated and small when it comes to the problems all around you? You are not alone. No matter how big the problem is or seems, you can make a powerful impact, today, right this second. All you have to do is notice and take action. You might be asking “what can I do?” that’s right but this time say it with conviction; “What CAN I do?” and then be willing to pitch in. Just like challenges can seem huge solutions can be small. Your efforts can help one person immensely or inspire more to help many. Either way, your actions have an impact.

I used to have that same mindset. The world’s problems were for other people to figure out. People with more power and influence. I mean, I was still trying to get somewhere in my own life. Without everything figured out, how could I be of any help? As I started my career, sure I helped those around me with training, leadership, and a little motivation but I still couldn’t feel the impact of my efforts.

Then I stumbled upon Encouragementology, ok God pushed me but still…it was a revelation beyond all others. People need encouragement. It helps with restoration and rejuvenation of the body and soul, and renewal of the spirit of others and even of those who encourage, according to recent research. Encouragement is vital to child maturation and adult optimal health. The healing benefits of encouragement outweigh criticism and can build self-confidence. And guess what? It’s free, easy to do, SO rewarding, and creates a ripple. When you change the outlook and trajectory of a person, the sky is the limit and there is no telling how high and how far they can go.

We all have needs and encouragement is just one of them…

Over at happonomy.org, I found The Happonomy Human Needs Model

Ariela Paulsen shares 3 Ways to Recognize When Someone Needs Support

Found at Mighty Well

Optimal Lifestyle gives us a better idea of Active Listening. How to be a great listener. Found on their youtube channel

Lesley University inform us about The Psychology of Emotional and Cognitive Empathy found out lesley.edu

How We Can Create Positive “Ripple Effects” Throughout Our Day from Kid President

CHALLENGE: Take notice of those around you who may have quiet needs. You have the power to make a real difference with the actions you take. Listen to understand and take the time to share words of encouragement. It’s free and far-reaching!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are aimed at interrupting the constant conflict between guilt and forgiveness, perfectionism and self-acceptance. Sometimes this conflict can feel like a Marvel comic with good versus evil and you aren’t sure which side you’re actually on. Have you ever questioned who’s carrying this bottomless guilt or who’s striving for these unreachable heights? You are. Great, now we’re face to face with our nemesis the only thing left is the battle to see who comes out on top. That does seem like the obvious blockbuster outcome but what about taking another route - letting go? Seeking forgiveness and self-acceptance. Breaking the conflict and choosing peace. Well, that may not make it to the box office but a meaningful self-help guide is worth far more.

Let’s start by learning a little more about guilt from goodtherapy.com

Kendra Cherry guides us with Taking the Steps to Forgive Yourself found at verywellmind.com

Lilianna Hogan explains the difference between self-forgiveness and self-compassion in her article - How to Forgive Yourself found at the webmd.com

Dr. Ilene Strauss Cohen offers How to Let Go of the Need to Be Perfect found at psychologytoday.com

Shonna Waters, PhD believes The path to self-acceptance, is paved through daily practice found at betterup.com

CHALLENGE: Tap out the fight as you strive for a better vantage point. Take a look at the bigger picture. Your conflict is with yourself and forgiveness and self-acceptance are a gift waiting for you to accept.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we will get up on the first alarm, check in with our personal goals before we dive into work, and evaluate our priorities all in the attempt to overcome our time management woes. Am I speaking to you? Are you chronically late, overwhelmed, and feeling guilty? When you hear things like; stay calm and carry on, better late than never, a day late a dollar short, does it hit home? Hey, we get it, it’s a busy world we all live in and you are just trying to make your day happen the best you know how. But you know, the buck does not stop there. You can always work toward freedom and find better practices to make your life easier. So get a piece of paper and start a list….one of the many you might want to make in the future to better use the time you are allotted.

Ah time…the only thing we don’t have enough of. Well, I would save Love too but that’s another show. I remember when I was younger and I couldn’t wait to grow up, I couldn’t wait for High School, I should wait to drive, for the weekend, or to be considered an adult. Now, I wonder where all that time went. Today I’m trying to stretch time, shove as much as I can into a work day and make the weekend creep by. I’m trying to hold on to precious moments before they become a memory of the past. Many say age is just a number and that’s true but it’s made up of 24 hours, 7 days a week, 30 days a month, 12 months in a year…..time in our rearview mirror.

Making the most of time is essential. So let’s look at where we spend our time and tips to help us better manage our time, not only for a more productive but a happier life.

Blaz Kos starts us off with The 12 best time management quotes of all time explained found at spica.com

Laura Clarke sheds some light on Why some people are always running late found at bbc.com

Wanda Thibodeaux keeps us in this vein with 11 Unusual Reasons You're Habitually Late (and How to Master the Clock)

Over at zenlyorganized.com I found tips to Become a Time-Management Master with These 8 Time Laws

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPK0yeSFge4

Richard Koch on the 80 / 20 Principle

CHALLENGE: value saving time as much as spending it. Make room to find some balance when you schedule out your day. You deserve a meaningful time slot.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we will get up on the first alarm, check in with our personal goals before we dive into work, and evaluate our priorities all in the attempt to overcome our time management woes. Am I speaking to you? Are you chronically late, overwhelmed, and feeling guilty? When you hear things like; stay calm and carry on, better late than never, a day late a dollar short, does it hit home? Hey, we get it, it’s a busy world we all live in and you are just trying to make your day happen the best you know how. But you know, the buck does not stop there. You can always work toward freedom and find better practices to make your life easier. So get a piece of paper and start a list….one of the many you might want to make in the future to better use the time you are allotted.
Ah time…the only thing we don’t have enough of. Well, I would save Love too but that’s another show. I remember when I was younger and I couldn’t wait to grow up, I couldn’t wait for High School, I should wait to drive, for the weekend, or to be considered an adult. Now, I wonder where all that time went. Today I’m trying to stretch time, shove as much as I can into a work day and make the weekend creep by. I’m trying to hold on to precious moments before they become a memory of the past. Many say age is just a number and that’s true but it’s made up of 24 hours, 7 days a week, 30 days a month, 12 months in a year…..time in our rearview mirror.
Making the most of time is essential. So let’s look at where we spend our time and tips to help us better manage our time, not only for a more productive but a happier life.
Blaz Kos starts us off with The 12 best time management quotes of all time explained found at spica.com
Laura Clarke sheds some light on Why some people are always running late found at bbc.com
Wanda Thibodeaux keeps us in this vein with 11 Unusual Reasons You're Habitually Late (and How to Master the Clock)
Over at zenlyorganized.com I found tips to Become a Time-Management Master with These 8 Time Laws
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPK0yeSFge4
Richard Koch on the 80 / 20 Principle
CHALLENGE: value saving time as much as spending it. Make room to find some balance when you schedule out your day. You deserve a meaningful time slot.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are revisiting claiming victory by saving ourselves, tapping into the power we possess. Someone one time...ok actually people ask me all the time, “are you always this happy?”. Or sometimes they phrase it as a statement, “You can NOT be this happy all the time!” And they would be correct but “this happy” is relative. I realize that my mood is my choice and no one can make me feel anything I don’t want to feel. Guess what I want to feel? You got it, HAPPY.
A follow-up question or statement I usually hear next is, “how do you let things roll off your back so easily?” Well the answer to that is, I don’t always. But again, I have to make a conscious effort to let go and move on. The primary reason I find that so doable is, that I don’t like to be in a bad mood. I don’t like the feelings of stress, anxiety, or sadness. I don’t like to be melancholy or irritated. Do you know what I do like? I like to problem solve and divert my attention to things that make me happy, feel creative, or that nourishes my soul. It’s a bonus when I can pick up all three feelings in the same activity.
You have to want to succeed to feel successful.
I also have to consistently check my power and control. These two words can have you soaring or keep you nailed down wondering why you can’t move. Not everything and everyone is under my control and I don’t have the power to change people or the past. If I use those statements as a guide and filter all struggles through them, I find letting go and moving on is really the only option.
What is preventing you from feeling victorious? Remember, the journey of self-discovery is about education, exploration, and enlightenment.
Let’s dig a little deeper into victimization and feeling victimized to understand how to achieve victory.
Crystal Raypole walks us through this exercise in an article she wrote for Healthline.com: How to Identify and Deal with a Victim Mentality
https://www.whatsyourpower.com/
Why is it that We Put Ourselves Last & Why Self-Care Should Be a Priority - Hey Jo Ritche gives us her insight on this in an article she wrote for Tiny Buddha.
CHALLENGE: Don’t accept your circumstances without activating your power to choose; your mood, your resolve, and your outcome. Decide your desire for happiness is stronger than your need for control. Let go and move on. Claim victory and celebrate your journey!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re exposing those closed-door conversations we have with ourselves. Do you know the ones, the not super uplifting ones? The ones we tend to start our day with, setting the tone for what’s to come. Have you ever questioned why you’re harder on yourself than anyone else you know? Why can’t you seem to forgive past failures or let yourself have a little slack? Well, me either so that’s why we’re here. Let’s dig into this topic a little to seek out the root. I fully believe that when you face your fears, and come head to head with what’s challenging you, you have a chance to change your thinking. You are in control even when you feel powerless. Shame is a dangerous game and the pressure to be perfect is the ultimate recipe for failure.

This topic came to me when I flipped on the light first thing in the morning to prepare for the day and immediately started pummeling myself with ridicule. Whoa, what happened to finding gratitude? I don’t have accessories with encouraging words to remind me of happier thoughts, primarily because Matt said he’s offended when inanimate objects try to tell him how to live. But maybe, I need to surround my mirror with remarks like HEY - before you hit the reject button, you have a beautiful spirit and are going places, lady!

Why do our minds go there so easily? I’m actually pretty confident in myself. If you’ve met me, you would most likely say, I’m outgoing, positive, and encouraging. As an Encouragementologist, those are pretty important traits to possess. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a bad day or apparently, recurring bad mornings. I’m tired of holding myself to such an impossibly high standard. Why do I believe that’s necessary or even achievable? I love succeeding and hitting goals but if the goals are unattainable, what’s the point?

You can load your house up with motivational quotes, keep a gratitude journal, and set an alarm for your daily mantras but when the door is closed, no one is around, and you are alone with your thoughts. What will you choose?

Andrea Blundell gets us started with a question and some solutions: Always Being Hard on Yourself? 7 Ways to Halt the Habit

Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. informs us on 10 Ways People Are Too Hard on Themselves found at psychologytoday.com

KRISTIN CANNING helps us understand that Shame Is Detrimental To Mental And Physical Health, Experts Say, And Women Tend To Feel It More

Karen Beattie sets us up with 4 DESTRUCTIVE TRAITS OF PERFECTIONISM, FROM DR. BRENÉ BROWN found at the growthfalculty.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8Pp7QB6GrE

6 Types of People Who Do Not Deserve to Hear Your Shame Story

CHALLENGE: Be ready to bow out of the shame game by ceasing your participation and reframing the negative narrative you’ve grown accustomed to.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are committed to paying attention, not to just me but to our own minds, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It’s time to own it instead of being an innocent bystander. This is your life and you get to determine how well or how poorly, you participate. This could be fun! Have you ever wondered why you think the way you do or why you say what you say? Have you ever stopped to consider how that thinking and verbalization could impact others? Everyone has to do their part, too. No one is disconnected. And everyone has to improve their skills, take care of their own health to the extent they can and contribute their time and talents to the community and country. ~Tim Ryan

If you buy into this idea then it’s more important than ever to be aware of yourself; your thoughts and your actions.

There are so many thoughts and opinions flying around and if you want to stay true to yourself, you find yourself bobbing and weaving, ducking the loaded viewpoint bombs until you can get to a safe place and sit with your own ideas. I’m all about embracing other viewpoints and I would NEVER claim to know it all or even be well versed on most topics. But what I do know is that, geez, give me a minute! Let my brain catch up and check in on what I know and need to know.

I remember when I had a pool. My first pool and probably my last. It was a disaster trying to keep that thing crystal clear. I went from pool place to pool place looking for the secret recipe only to get more frustrated and further from sparkling blue water. I decided to give it one more go before I bought lilypads and frogs to add to my swamp. At the last pool place, I planned on visiting, the young man who came to the counter couldn’t have been more than 18. I felt defeated but was committed to trying anything he said. SHAZAM - his recipe worked and we enjoyed the rest of the summer splashing about in clean or thoughtfully treated water. I tell you this story because I remember being overwhelmed with all the ideas and advice and ready to through in the towel. It’s easy to do when everyone has their own ideas they are ready to share with fervor.

Becoming more self-aware is critical for your journey to self-discovery. I’ve learned so much about myself and realize I’ve just dipped my toe in. Let’s learn from some experts and I’ll share some of my learning along the way and not just my tried and true pool shocking recipe!

Nicole Spector gets us started with What is self-awareness? And how can you cultivate it? Found at nbcnews.com

Nick Wignall helps us with 10 Simple Ways to Improve Your Self-Awareness found on his blog

Dr Ramya Ranganathan flips the script with Turning Wrongness into Strongness - The next frontier in Personal Effectiveness after Strength-Based Approach. Found at Linkedin.com

VIDEO - Start turning your DIFFERENCES into USP | Dr. Ramya Ranganathan

CHALLENGE: take some time to check in with yourself, and explore the quirks that make you, YOU. Leverage those very differences, as your unique strengths.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are looking to get intentional—no more flying by the seat of our pants waiting for our big break or hoping for more. We are recommitting to living a life with meaning so that we can dictate the type of legacy we leave and the impact we have on this world. Have you ever stepped back and looked at your role and the influence you’ve had? What do you think they would say if you could be a fly on the wall and visit the important and unimportant people in your life? What has been your impact? What will you be remembered for? When asked this question, most people start with “well I hope they say…”. Let’s secure that legacy by living a more meaningful life now. Let’s make a conscious effort to impact people in a positive way directly versus hoping they remember the good about you and forget the rest. You see, you have the power to effect change and it starts with you.

Many people believe there are three types of people; the thinkers, the connectors, and the doers. Some people think there are “big idea” folks and then the others who carry those ideas out. And yes, it takes everyone to make the world go round but never count yourself short of any talent or skill. You can dramatically alter the life of one person at a time with your kindness and encouragement. This is how you start a positive ripple. Think about it, you influence someone in a positive way and then they turn and do the same in their network.

I break it down so digestible because I think we have a tendency to overcomplicate terms like “finding your purpose” or “live a life with meaning”. These are what “thinkers” figure out and then tell us how to get there right? Not entirely. You need to trust in yourself as you search for meaning. Your journey is personal and unique.

Over at the Pursuit of Happiness, we learn about Viktor Frankl and Man’s Search for Meaning.

Jill Suttie and Jason Marsh ask and explore an important question; Is a Happy Life Different from a Meaningful One? Found at the Greater Good Magazine from Berkley

Nina Amir warns us to BE MINDFUL OF THE GAPS IN YOUR LIFE found on her blog

CHALLENGE: Fill the gaps in your life story. Be intentional about the influence you have and the mark you make. Remember, encouraging one person can have a profound effect on the world.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re breaking up with our old patterns and making room for something new as we change harmful into helpful habits! You know we all have those little things we still hold on to, justifying that one day, soon, we’ll change our ways, and do better. You name it and we’ve justified it at one time or another. These might be habits we learned at an early age or ones we’ve adopted recently to cope with a trying time in our lives. Nevertheless, they have to go. We are on a quest for a new, healthy, and sustainable life full of joy. Old and harmful habits don’t have a place in our new normal. You might be carrying something around that you didn’t even know was harmful. Maybe it’s not as tangible as overeating and drinking but more personal and internal. Either way, it’s not serving you in a positive way so guess what…it’s got to go! Grab those pruning shears and let’s get to work cutting out the dead weight that’s preventing you from thriving.

Routines are great, aren’t they? Patterns we have in our life which require little thought. Auto-pilot if you will. Sometimes they protect us from the more mundane aspects of our life. The drive you’ve made to work thousands of times, the laundry that piles up every week without fail, cashing your check and paying your bills, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash over and over. But routines can also protect bad habits that can go unaddressed for decades. The morning cigarette with coffee, the beer to unwind, the slice of pie that perks up a bad mood, the negative self-talk that keeps us from feeling confident, the gossip that makes us feel like part of a crowd.

When is the last time you examined your daily routines and rituals? When is the last time you challenged your thinking? When is the last time you adopted something new?

Let’s take a personal inventory to see where we spend our time, what feels good and provides great benefits, and what might be holding us back. Let’s be careful with the “feels good” part of this inventory. Not everything that feels good is actually good for us. Evaluate the short and long-term effects and benefits of these routines and rituals.

James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits helps us with The Habits Guide: How to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones

Shana Lebowitz spotlights A habit expert says people come in 4 types — and figuring out yours is the first step to being happier found at businessinsider.com

We’ve talked recently about decluttering the mind and James Clear expands on that idea when it comes to habits...How to Declutter Your Mind and Unleash Your Willpower by Using Bright-Line Rules

Gretchen Rubin - Health, Habits, and Happiness

Nir Eyal - Habits or Routines

CHALLENGE: conduct a personal inventory to identify those routines and rituals that are holding you hostage. Develop their replacement by understanding what new helpful habits you need to adopt. Break’um to Make’um!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re going to take a step back as we attempt to look at the bigger picture, find the irony, celebrate, the unexpected benefits, and learn from the unintended consequences. Oh hindsight, you’re a beautiful thing with horrible timing. And good intentions, well you’re just that. No judgment here. Our continued quest for self-discovery is about learning from our successes and failures. So many times we can’t see the forest through all the trees. We make reactive decisions trying to solve an immediate problem only to create a bigger and more far-reaching issue. So what’s the solution? Is there a cure for this infirmity? Oh boy, that would be Nobel prize worthy since unintended consequences have been happening since the beginning of man. My intention here is to use this topic to broaden our views beyond thinking of people in power attempting to create policy that helps instead of hurts. I want us to think about our own thought processes. How many angles do we consider? How many opposing opinions or ideas? Who all and what all do we consider before making a decision?

I think we can all safely say we’ve had tunnel vision at one point or another in our lifetimes. Oh and mix in this idea that we know it all = lots of decisions without fully thinking it through. I mean, you only know what you know right? Unfortunately, you can only use that excuse for so long. At some point, you have to want to know more, about yourself, the world around you, and what your impact is and can be.

So to avoid unintended consequences, we’re going to look at this top from a number of angles; what is it, our protection bubble, good and bad, causes, reasons, and motivations, why it’s important to embrace opposing views, and how to increase our critical thinking - sound fun?

Over at the Fraiser Institue if found our jumping-off point: Unintended

Consequences - How Regulation Influences Behaviour by Christopher J. Coyne

Great Moments in Unintended Consequences - Vol 5

Great Moments in Unintended Consequences - Vol 6

Great Moments in Unintended Consequences - Vol 7

Roger Dean Duncan gives us some inspiration with 'Escape The Bubble' And Learn From Opposing Views found at forbes.com

Mark Goulston and John Ullmen - How to Really Understand Someone Else’s Point of View found at the Harvard Business Review.

Joe B Carnevale asks: Are You Open to Opposing Viewpoints? 3 Tips for Improving Critical Thinking. Found at entrepreneur.com

CHALLENGE: test your solution from every angle to see how others might be impacted. Embrace the positive and learn from the negative to course correct any unintended circumstances.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are dropping the negativity, the fear, and the anger as we adopt a kinder approach to ourselves and others. We are seeking the good, the possible, and even the impossible as we initiate a radical mood makeover. Tired of feeling frustrated, irritated, and helpless? Most of us are. Yet day after day we visit and revisit these feelings, staying stuck without a real plan forward. Unlike Cinderella, there is no Fairy Godmother standing ready to transform our lives or our attitudes with a wave of her wand. We have to dry our eyes, calm our nerves, and cool our jets to see what we’re actually working with. You can’t strive for better if you aren’t sure where you’re falling short. And wallowing in our melancholy mood is getting us nowhere. So, let’s start there. What are your mind and body telling you and where might you be missing the message?

Your body might be saying, “Hey you, I’m tired and I need a little more rest to perform at the level at which you are pushing our life’s pace.” But outside influences say - there is plenty of time to rest when you’re dead. Your mind might be saying, “Ouch, I’m getting bogged down with all this conflicting information and super anxious bu the tone!” But outside influences tell you - you HAVE to stay informed or you can’t get involved. It’s up to you to fix it!

As a result of this constant struggle, you feel behind and anxious about catching up. Wonder where your bad mood comes from? I’m not sure but it sounds like we’re on the right track. And if you don’t know, should you look for the answers? Let me remind you, no one is going to do it for you. There isn’t a happy clown to visit when you feel blue or a water boy to ice you down when you’re angry, and if there was a warm hug at ready when you’re having a bad day - I would know about it! Did I mention the journey to self-discovery is essentially a solo mission? Oh sure, you have plenty of help along the way but it takes your foot on the gas to continue forward.

So I want to know more about these moods, where they come from, and what can I do to get to the source of the irritant, overcome it, and get back on my journey. It’s hard to expect peak performance when you have sludge in your engine, right?

Mamta Sharma gets us started with an Instant Mood Makeover – How to Change Mental State in Under 5 Minutes

The Better Health Channel gives us more ideas on Monitoring your mood.

Dr. Maria Cohut from Medical News Today asks and solves; Anxious about the news? Our top tips on how to cope

Dr. Ellen Hendriksen shares How to Stop Feeling Overly Responsible from quickanddrydirtytips.com

Korin Miller helps with 13 Strategies Therapists Personally Use To Put Things in Perspective found at wellandgood.com

CHALLENGE: initiate a mood makeover today by dropping the negative and self-defeating attitude you’ve embraced and adopting the exciting world of possibilities you have at your fingertips. Left or right, you choose!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’ll be writing the script, marking the stage, and preparing for our close-ups as we take charge of directing and starring in our own blockbusters, our desired lives! Picture it…the musical score warms up the scene, opening credits are scrolling, and the viewer is engaged and trying to anticipate the beginning and where it will go. Will they be rocked and soothed with a heartwarming saga or shocked and moved to the edge of their seats with an unpredictable thriller? You choose, because you are in charge of this story and how people perceive it. Wouldn’t that be liberating? A chance to rewrite some darker times, the ones that didn’t turn out as we planned or expected. Or the ability to pen the future full of possibilities. Don’t forget our starring role, the lead character in this blockbuster. Will we be one of those characters that everyone falls in love with, who they’ll champion, and cheer for, or the reclusive and misunderstood they’ll spend the entire picture trying to figure out. ACTING! Sure but this is your life and your story. Have you ever really stepped back to take it all in?

So many times we get stuck in our more challenging scenes. We let those difficult chapters of our lives shape and mold our characters, making it hard to pivot and come out the hero or heroine. But imagine the boos you would get and the tickets you would have to refund if you left this character at the end of their rope. Perseverance, coming back harder, reinventing, and reshaping the story to strive for more.

That’s what leaves a crowd cheering. But don’t forget, after the applause dies down, the fans leave, the staff comes to clear the popcorn and forgotten personal items, there’s just you and your life. This could be fun and a worthwhile exercise, thinking of our lives as a motion picture, picking our supporting characters, designing the scene, choreographing the lighting, music, and visual effects. It gives us that vantage point that is important to frame things in the bigger picture. I mean, what does that even mean? It means gaining perspective. We can make small things into mountains and miss important details that can rob us of our happiness. All because we can’t see how this event fits into the bigger picture.

So come on a journey with me through the silver screen. As we look at our lives with a wide-angle lens, closing in on the meaningful moments and building suspense for what’s to come. CUT - the beauty of being the director and the screenwriter is that you have the option of changing your mind and doing a rewrite. Strengthen your character’s resolve, influencing the story with more compassion or grit and for goodness sake, don’t inspect the basement!

Mirna Smidt helps us with: Rewrite your story, change your life found at the Happiness Academy

John Millen explores, How Do People Perceive You? On his blog

Dr. Benjamin Hardy helps us with How to Rewrite Your Past Narrative found at psycologytoday.com

Beth Gray leads us in Imagine your desired life: how to create it found on her blog

CHALLENGE: refocus on the bigger picture, your desired life. You have the opportunity to write and rewrite your story since you are continually growing and evolving. When you’re ready for your close-up, take a breath and smile. You deserve this moment!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are looking internally, conjuring up our courage and celebrating our spunk. Because long-term vision takes guts and long-term goals take perseverance and passion. What’s standing in your way? For many of us, fear and self-doubt create roadblock after roadblock; pushing our dreams further from our reach. Let’s push back! Instead of changing our goals and altering our pursuits, let’s remove the obstacles standing in our way. It’s time to pursue guts and grit by conquering fear.

What is fear anyhow? 1a: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. So one is a perceived threat and one is an actual danger. Can we make this distinction right out of the gate? Remember, we are removing obstacles from our life’s journey. To do that effectively, we need to be specific. What if you were afraid of everything? Imagine how that would limit your day, petrified from fear. So let’s go ahead and release unnecessary fear. Perceived fear. More to come on that.

I would like to think that I’m pretty fearless. Let me clarify and quantify that statement just a bit using perceived and actual. I don’t like high places where I could fall to my death. Not once has bungee jumping, parachuting, or deep-sea diving ever crossed my mind as an enjoyable pastime option. I’m not a fan of snakes, bulls riding, or wrestling alligators, and cage or no cage, I will not be swimming with the sharks.

So maybe I should say, I’m quite fearless when it comes to perceived danger. I actually enjoy speaking to large crowds, I’m not shy or reserved, and I believe everyone will like me. Not to sound arrogant in any way. I liken it to a chameleon changing its color to blend in as a way of protection. You see, by believing everyone will like me, I remove any fear of not being accepted. Myself and my ideas. This gives me the confidence to approach anything - from a person to a new idea.

It’s easy for me to go for it because I believe in what I’m doing and I am confident it will be well received.

Sometimes, after the fact, I chuckle to myself and think “wow, Kendall - that was gutsy, how did you do that?” But I’m thankful. Being trapped by fear means you short-side yourself from reaching your true potential.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

--Theodore Roosevelt

Tim Newman gets this exploration started with Dissecting terror: How does fear work? Featured at medicalnewstoday.com

Over at nm.org I found 5 Things You Never Knew About Fear

Josh Steimle gives us some ideas with 14 Ways To Conquer Fear found at forbes.com

James Clear gives us Grit: A Complete Guide on Being Mentally Tough found at jamesclear.com

Let’s hear from Carol Dweck on What Having a “Growth Mindset” Actually Means found at the Harvard Business Review

CHALLENGE: Evaluate perceived from actual when exploring your fears. Chose to release irrational fear avoiding reactions to perceived threats. Instead, explore your goals conjuring guts and grit as you make a commitment for the long haul.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re cleaning out the mind-brain and evaluating whether to keep, pitch, or donate our ideas. Years and years of accumulation can generate an overabundance of thoughts that may or may not serve you any longer. It may be time to clear a path and take a deeper look at what you’re holding on to. Some of this clutter was embedded into the far-reaching corners of your mind and others were imprinted through shared experiences as you were developing. Some ideas helped you build barricades when you needed extra protection and some ideas just no longer fit, you’ve outgrown them. You could box, rebox, and stack all your thoughts into the corners running out of room for something new OR you could make a date, pull out the bins, and get to sorting. Keep, pitch, or donate.

I’m not a clutter bug or overly sentimental about stuff. Sure, when the kids were little I kept more, finding another drawer or filing cabinet for school projects and handmade cards. I mean who can throw out a picture of your child's handprint made into a turkey? Not to mention the funny questionnaire about how old they think you are or how much they think you weigh woven into a heartfelt Mother’s day card.

But when it comes to general stuff, I’m more for donating than storing away for a rainy day. It could be my generation because my Mom feels a massive responsibility to inherited furniture, china, and knick-knacks. At one point we had 5 different patterns in the attic because each child looked at me like I’d lost my mind when I told them I was saving Great Grandmother China for their first place. My oldest said, “Don’t bother, I’m buying paper and plastic so I never have to wash a dish”.

But ideas, now those are a little harder to pitch. Some are rooted rather deep and whether they’re true or not, they’ve lived in your reality for as long as you can remember. You might need those, someone might need those. Some just crept in over time. Ideas you created when you didn’t have the full story, half of an experience, or a sliver of truth. These too became you’re reality and right or wrong, you protect them fiercely.

But just like that, we have a breakthrough, a bit of growth. We start evolving and learning and what once fit, now doesn't. Someone else could benefit from this growth. Maybe it could help someone over or through a bad patch of their journey. You release old ideas and pass on the learning to help someone else. You’ve made room for more.

Hey, that was a fun and freeing feeling, I want some more of that. You fling the doors wide open as you are pulling out ideas, thoughts, and memories and sorting through good, bad, stay, or go!

Crystal Raypole helps us organize our thoughts with 8 Ways to Give Your Mind a Deep Cleaning found at healthline.com

Emma Dibdin shares 9 Ways to Cope With Intrusive Thoughts - Becoming aware of your thought patterns is the first step toward breaking the cycle. Found at psychcentral.com

Over at the University of St Augustine for Health Sciences, I found, How to Retrain Your Brain for Success and Positivity.

CHALLENGE: give your mind a good spring cleaning. Evaluate ideas, old thought patterns, and limited thinking to see what you value to keep, what you’re ready to release, and what you can pass on to someone in need. Free your mind to invite in new and inspiring ideas.

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On this show…we’re taking it easy, slowing down, and examining time in an attempt to answer the seasonal question; what’s the rush? Hindsight, understanding of a situation or event only after it’s happened or developed, is post revelation, not premeditation. People poke fun at this by saying; Hindsight is 20/20 meaning only NOW do you see clearly what you should have seen then. A reminder I like to vocalize is, that you only know what you know. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have everything figured out from the get-go. And even though the older generation is right there with the formidable experience lecture and an ample supply of “I told you so’s”, most of us still have to walk through the fire to realize it’s hot.
That doesn’t mean the advice is not sitting on the ready. There is plenty of it and for good reason. We’ve all rushed life, made mistakes, experienced failures, learned valuable lessons, and somehow, figured out how to soldier on. This is good stuff and definitely worth sifting through to find your own personal nugget of inspiration. I like to pick those up and plant them deep. Then, when you least expect it, they surface as a valuable reminder and important compass for your journey.
What’s the rush? I wish I would have taken that question seriously in the early seasons of my life. I was in a rush. Looking back it stems from being fiercely independent and deluded by the thought that I already had most of life figured out. WOW, that seems more than comical to me now. I wanted to hurry up and take every step that life offered, marriage, kids, and career. I never even considered trying to figure out who I was, what I wanted or this mystical idea of a life journey.
Looking back now I can clearly see that I had no idea who I was or what I wanted and my journey, well that started much later after repeated life wrecks and a realization that there had to be a better way. I’ll share more about some of my learning throughout but let’s explore this idea from multiple angles.
Abayomi Omoogun shares some ideas on why This Is What You Should Aim For Instead Of Rushing Through Life - Don’t try to rush things that need time to grow.
Sura a meditation coach shines a light on Why We Rush Through Life, an article shared on huffingtonpost.com
Crystal Raypole explores and informs with her article: Hurry Sickness Is a Thing — Here’s Why You Might Want to Slow Down found at healthline.com
Over at 60plusclub.com I found some delightful advice that spans ages 5-75. Each giving advice to someone younger than them.
CHALLENGE: slow down, take a breath, and make time to get to know yourself. You’re changing naturally, with every experience, challenge, success, and failure so take your time instead of being in a rush.

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On this show…we’re not waiting until they reach the brim, flow over, or a rainy day. We are seizing the moment as we look at what’s in your bucket so we can start living NOW! I think we all have them. Call them lofty goals, fantasies, or big dreams. Those bits of adventure we’ve been putting off for one day, someday, or any other day but today. The bucket list; is a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime. During. Did you hear that? It didn’t say toward the end after everyone and everything had been taken care of then and only then can you explore the bucket. But that’s what happens. The bucket sits there with bits of wishes, dreams, fears, and exhilaration. You think about it and refer to it a lot. It’s that mirage you think you’ll reach eventually but yet you never take a step toward it. What can we pull out today? What can we experience today? What can we move from the dream column to the done column?
You might think your bucket needs to be full of adventure like a trip around the world or climbing Mount Everest but it doesn’t. To be honest, it’s your bucket. Put in what you like. If it helps you to organize your thoughts and collect things you would like to do or places you’d like to visit or stuff you’d like to learn then GREAT. You’re on the right track.
I’ve been emptied nested for 7 years. Wow, I just counted that up, seven years. What a transition that was. I am the mother of three and for 25 ½ years, I was raising kids. I feel like the bucket was a little deeper then and possibly overflowing since everything seemed reserved for another day. My focus was on their welfare and my career. That trip to Europe or a second language would just have to wait.
I want to say it got easier and easier as they each left but to be honest, by then I was more on autopilot and worried I’d have a crash landing when I was finally left alone. “Don’t leave me!!” I actually told my youngest I was considering hosting an exchange student because I was afraid the house would be too quiet. Ok…for those of you already where I am now, I’ll give you a minute to chuckle. Could anything really be too quiet? HA Let’s just say I adjusted and quick I might add. The major difference was time and focus. I had so much more time to focus on the things I wanted to do. Now, what did I want to do? I’ll come back to that….let’s first find out where this idea of a bucket list comes from and what it entails.
Joe Oliveto informs us with Where Does 'Bucket List' Really Come From? Shared on joincake.com
HS Burney echos this with The Myth of Waiting Until Retirement To Live Your Life shared on medium.com
Leah Hynes and Nazrin Murphie give us 12 Ways to Create More Time to do What You Love (and What you Really Mean When You Say you Don’t Have Time!) shared on liveyourlegend.net

CHALLENGE: don’t put off what you could experience today, whether it be adventure, learning something new, or an interesting encounter. Time should be cherished, valued, and spent wisely.

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On this show…we are picking up, organizing, and instilling the filter; if it doesn’t serve us, it has to go! Since we are the owners of our domains, mind, body, and soul then the only what to control chaos is to declutter our world. Where to start? How about at the source of our frustration, worry, or stress. Pushing it around on the plate or moving it from here to there is not going to solve our issues or open up a clear path forward. We have to make some cuts, some deep cuts, to get back on track and make room for some new ideas. Clutter is the physical manifestation of unmade decisions fueled by procrastination, a quote by Christina Scalise. Whoa, the buck stops here. No more excuses. You have things, thoughts, past regrets, and unaccomplished goals which no longer fit. Time for some thoughtful evaluation; keep, pitch, or donate.

As a life coach, I’m often tasked with untangling a person's challenges to help them see a path forward. I think we’ve all been there a time or two. Overwhelmed, where every pressure in our lives takes on the same level of priority and before we know it, we’re running around with our heads cut off thinking the sky is falling. It’s easy to do. Life is busy, complicated, and oftentimes, messy. I don’t know about you but I don’t have a life assistant who wakes me up with my to-do list and a steaming cup of coffee. Picks out my outfit for the day, tells me they have this and that handled, and for me to just concentrate on what I do best. WOW - maybe that’s the type of robot help we need to be creating.
Instead, you have to wake up and tackle it all while running the gauntlet of more challenges and to-do’s added as you go. Chaos! There is a time in the day when no matter what else needs to be done, I take a hard pass. If there is any way it can wait until tomorrow - it does!

Today, I know my limitations but there was a time when busy felt productive and productive felt successful and stress was just part of it. If you’re there - don’t be swindled by that thought. If you look at all the memes, apparel, and home decor telling you to nurture yourself, love yourself, keep calm, and hit the beach, and think those are written for someone else, they aren’t. You will hit a wall. I don’t know what you’re wall will look like but hopefully, it’s just a nice wake-up call that you need more balance in your life. Well-rounded doesn’t just refer to possessing a personality mixture of a little bit of everything but you can strive for a well-rounded life.
Gustavo Razzetti shares How to Lead a Well Balanced Life in an article for fearlessculture.com
Barrie Davenport and Steve SJ Scott wrote a book; DECLUTTER YOUR MIND - How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Thinking
Hereford helps you Simplify Your Life in 10 Practical Steps found at essentiallifeskills.net
Hereford offers 15 Ways to Enjoy Life More found at essentiallifeskills.net

CHALLENGE: Purge the clutter that’s distracting you from living a well-balanced life. Create space to explore new relationships, welcome new ideas, and live life with meaning. Keep, pitch, or donate - it’s all up to you.

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On this show…we won’t be checking our likes and loves and we won’t be perched on the edge of our seat waiting for positive feedback or verification that we are doing, saying, or acting accordingly. Instead, we will be content with the discovery to better understand our need for validation. Recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile. Why do we need someone else to make that declaration for us? Why do we look to others for approval? It’s true even if you try and say it isn’t, all people want to be liked. So where is the edge; from being accepted to needing acceptance? An important part of this self-discovery journey is to understand who you are and why you need or want certain things. From the physical to the emotional. Through your strengths and your weaknesses. What makes you tick and what can you do to be self-satisfied while connecting with others in a healthier way.

Everyone loves a compliment. Ok, well maybe not EVERYONE. Some people are shy and uncomfortable receiving or giving compliments. But it’s nice to be appreciated and valued. You take the time to get dressed up, make a delicious dinner, or put an extra shine on the spring cleaning and it would be nice if it doesn’t go unnoticed.

That seems like a normal give and take for humanity right? Right. But what makes us take it too far? What causes us to crave more than a simple thank you, you got this, and I love your hair? You’re going to hear a lot of different angles on the topic of validation, from why we crave it to how to distance ourselves from what can be an obsessive need. So let me tell you why I felt it necessary to explore this topic. I’m a little worried frankly. I feel like I’ve reached a level of maturity that helps me step back and observe things as they happen vs being in the thick of it. Some might say being on the fringes is risky because you are too far away from the action to have a real opinion but in this case, I think it’s best.

Social media and the internet in general have given the normal human being more exposure than we’ve ever had in history. Everyone can be seen and heard if they choose to be. Look at me, listen to me, I’m over here! And instead of it being a one-way conversation that a soapbox might create, they are looking for feedback, agreement, encouragement, and validation.

We know it and yet we feel compelled to participate. You see a new profile pic of a friend of yours…what do you do? Great pic, you’re so beautiful, love your smile, stunning, gorgeous. LIKE LIKE LIKE, LOVE LOVE LOVE. Feels pretty good when it’s happening to you, right? Let’s be honest. Let’s explore the feeling to find the threshold.

Geetika Sachdev relays an expert's advice on Why do some people need constant validation? In her article for healthshots.com

Aleksandra Slijepcevic explains Why You Need To Stop Seeking Validation And Start Thriving in her article for lifehack.com

Not sure if what you’re doing is really crossing the line of needing validation? Over at consciousrethink.com, I found 12 Examples Of Approval-Seeking Behavior (+ How To Drop Your Need For Validation)

Happiness.com suggests; Self-validation: 5 ways to develop it

CHALLENGE: Drink the water. You are enough and you have enough and what you offer is valuable. Look within to self-satisfy and meet your basic needs before seeking validation and acceptance from others.

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On this show…we aren’t taking our toys and going home or playing the blame game but instead, we are going to explore and research as we navigate ever-changing friendships. Best buds, bestie, buddy, friends-forever, chums, pals, twinkies, mates, amigo…..so what is the true meaning of friendship?
friendship, a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people. In all cultures, friendships are important relationships throughout a person's life span. But it isn’t always smooth sailing but instead a little bumpy, emotional, and sometimes heartbreaking. If we could only answer with certainty, was it you or was it me? People come in and out of your life leaving meaning, impact, and a myriad of lessons. But at the time of a friendship break, it’s hard to pick through the benefits. Let’s try and do just that. So no matter where you are in your friendships, take this journey with me.
I have had the same best friend since I was 4 years old. That is a rarity I know and for which I am very blessed. Her sister is just a year older and we all met while visiting their cousin who was my neighbor. It wasn't long until we were thick as thieves. Coming from a small town, it was easy to stay together in school and in our free time. After school adventures and weekend slumber parties. We grew up, got braces, learned to drive, dated boys, started careers, found husbands, and had children. It all sounds very Norman Rockwell I know but it wasn’t without our lion’s share of challenges, tragedies wins, and losses. Through it all, we’ve weathered the storms and stayed together. You should hear us singing 80’s music at the top of our lungs at Patio Time. Actually, maybe you shouldn’t lol.
Not all my friendship stories have happy endings and at first, I took it personally. What do I mean, “at first”, maybe I still do. Endless hours were spent replaying my role, scrutinizing what I must have said or done, and not accepting that maybe our time had come to an end. How do you let go and move on when you weren’t really ready for a friendship to end? Don’t worry, we’ll unpack that and much more.
I found this post on Facebook which inspired the show today. I think we could have all benefited from this list as we were growing up but I also believe we need these reminders moving forward.
Things I want my daughter to know about friendship. Written by Amy Weatherly & Jess Johnston
Amanda Kuda helps us understand The Secret to Navigating Friendships & Personal Growth; How to attract, release, & shift friendships during a period of reinvention. In an article, she wrote for medium.com
Laura Quiambao asks us and provides solutions in her article for Zencare: Has a Close Friendship Ended? Here’s How to Deal – and Heal
Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes shares more on this with When Friendships Change, written for goop.com
At yourlifeyourvoice.org I found an interesting concept of Circles of Friendship

CHALLENGE: today, reach out to a friend, new or old. Set a date to connect and share. Realize the benefits of nurturing your inner circle and uncover new ways to give to those relationships. Be yourself. Let other people be themselves right back.

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On this show…we aren’t going to be quick to dismiss our emotions or shame ourselves for overreacting. Instead, we’re going to listen to our bodies, recognize the sensations, and be thankful that acting on instinct is our brain’s natural protection. Your mind is command central and in most cases, is working for you not against you. In certain situations, you have a heightened sense of awareness for a reason. Cause for pause isn’t just a catchy slogan but your brain’s warning signal. Laughter, tears, shock, connection, joy, and peace are all delivering much-needed chemicals from your brain to your body at just the right moment. We can become overwhelmed, over-stimulated, and over-tired without reason except to say, OK, I hear you. Thank you for always looking out for me. Before someone tells you to stop feeling a certain way or to start feeling a certain way - shouldn’t you take the time to understand where you’re mind is coming from?
I don’t know about you but I am fascinated by the brain! We have such complex emotions, thoughts, and reactions, that it seems like our minds never shut off completely. Now, we could dwell on those moments where we find ourselves ruminating, worrying, or in a state of unnecessary panic over the past or the perceived future. But let’s not. Let’s try and understand how our brains protect us, and how they trigger us to be aware, question, and reason.
In 1784, philosopher Immanuel Kant penned a now-famous essay entitled, “What Is Enlightenment?” He called out people’s tendency to blindly follow thought leaders. “If I have a book that thinks for me, a pastor who acts as my conscience, a physician who prescribes my diet, and so on — then I have no need to exert myself. I have no need to think if I can only pay; others will take care of that disagreeable business for me,” he wrote. His thesis for the essay became a rallying cry for the era. “Sapere Aude! (Dare to know.) ‘Have the courage to use your own understanding,’ is, therefore, the motto of the enlightenment.”
Today I feel very led to think a certain way. Not because there has been some thoroughly researched revelation and I’m late to the party but more of someone’s ideas and opinions that spread and infect or impact large groups of people who adopt those same ideas and opinions as to their own. At times it feels like a tidal wave. Swim hard or get sucked down. What I want to say is HEY…wait a minute. Give me some time to sit with my feelings. Explore more than one point of view and come together with my own thoughts. THEN I might be ready to talk about it to see how my ideas match or differ from yours, or theirs, his, or hers.
Does that sound reasonable?
Let’s look at why our mind behaves as it does, how our brains protect us, and what it means to be a free thinker.
Caitlin Lance Hope gets us started on this exploration with Being and feeling safe – what’s the brain got to do with it?! Found at sfac.org
Z.Hereford teaches us How to Think for Yourself - just some ideas of course fund at essentiallifeskills.net
I found a few more ideas on the subject at aconsciousrethink.com
Remy Awika gives us The 10 Traits That Make You a Free-Thinker found at medium.com

CHALLENGE: Be informed, be inspired, be educated, but don’t be led to make your mind up before you are ready. Your thoughts and opinions are valuable and should never be discounted. Take your time.

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On this show…we are putting a pin in the “what ifs”, acknowledging our responsibility, and letting go so we can move on with peace and freedom. It’s time we give ourselves a pass. You will never have it all figured out, people, including yourself, will continue to shock and surprise you, and you don’t possess the power to change the past. You can, however, learn and grow as you navigate this complex thing called life. In order to move on, you need to come to a place of acceptance knowing what you have today, information, motive, apologies, or forgiveness will have to be enough. Feeling stuck and hopeless is an illusion. Emotions are powerful but you are stronger. Pick up each foot, quiet your spinning minds with ENOUGH, and reach a hand in front of you. Take your index finger and extend it forward because that’s where you are heading.

There are so many angles we can explore when it comes to acceptance so let’s leave no stone unturned. We’ve all heard or used the saying “It is what it is”. The perfect phrase for acceptance. It is that it means, "Oh well, nothing to do now but move on. It already happened and it can’t be changed or that’s just what it is and I can’t make it different." However you interpret the meaning, it means time to move on.

The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. – Nathaniel Branden

Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. – William James

Acceptance is typically linked to loss. Accepting the loss of something in preparation of letting go and moving forward. What have you lost that you are still in the process of accepting? How did you get there? How did you move on?

Mateja Klaric asks and answers, Why Is It So Hard to Accept a Loss? In her article for medium.com

At condolence.com I found more info on the Fifth Stage of Grief: Acceptance

Megan Bruneau, M.A. brings to light 5 Things Everyone Should Know About Acceptance in her article for mindbodygreen.com

Have you ever wondered, What Is Radical Acceptance? Arlin Cuncic explores this question in their article for verywellmind.com

CHALLENGE: accept what you can not change. Instead of resisting and living in a constant state of suffering. Reach out, explore your options, and be open and willing to invite in new emotions. You deserve to feel free.

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On this show…we’re throwing open the shutters and coming into the light as we boldly embrace a new season without the familiar fear we’ve become accustomed to. Change is inevitable so instead of cowering or resisting, we are setting our sights on something new. This time we WILL be curious, we WILL welcome new ideas, we WILL be mindful of our needs, we WILL reach out when we need comfort and connection, and we WILL enjoy our ever-evolving life! John F Kennedy said, “Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past and present are certain to miss the future.” Rumi said, “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” Let’s explore the different seasons of life and our willingness or resistance to change. It’s also important to acknowledge the fear and when it threatens progress to get to the root of its existence.

I love the quote from Rumi because it represents two seasons of thought. The first season is when you are slugging it out with life trying to get ahead and finding your place in the world. You’re passionate and driven, believing in your ability to be a world-changer. Now you might be there now or be on your way to a future season thinking HEY, I’m still passionate and driven and believe I have the power to affect change. No doubt - hear me out. The biggest change in these two seasons happens with a level of self-awareness and a shift in your approach.

Quoting a Micheal Jackson’s song here: If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make a change you better get it right while you’ve got the time cause if you close your heart then you close your mind!

That’s where self-awareness comes into play. You have the power but how do you define power and then how do you exercise that power? Does power mean exerting strong physical energy over something or does it mean self-control and the power to change your perception, your ideas and opinions, and your own mind? Coming to a powerful revelation in your own mind can affect measurable change.

I still feel as powerful as I did in my earlier seasons but I feel more empowered to do something with the knowledge that I’ve collected. Experiences, trials, failures, re-engineering, new connections, new experiences, additional challenges, successes, celebrations…..all of this made me and is making you who you are. That’s what we see when we look in the mirror. Self-reflection is the only way to invoke change in your life.

Connie Mathers starts us off with ​​How to Thrive During the Four Seasons of Life

Found at developgoodhabits.com

Paula at thirteenthoughts.com digs into OVERCOMING FEAR + EMBRACING CHANGE

Happeemindz.com reminds us that Self Awareness: A mechanism to change one's life

I want to leave you with some expert advice from Jack Canfield, 4 Tips to Help You Accept & Embrace Change

CHALLENGE: no matter what season of you’re life you’re leaving and embracing, take a look in the mirror and check in with your willingness to change. Awareness rationalizes assumed beliefs and gives clarity to perception.

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On this show…we are aiming to evaluate our thoughts, exercise our intuition, and challenge our rational thinking as we avoid getting swayed by the power of suggestion, instead, standing our ground. How often do we take the time to question our thinking; is that how I feel or is that how they want me to feel? It all seems a bit blurry. Ideas and opinions, demands and ultimatums, bombarding us into a state of confusion. We feel this intense sense of urgency and because of that, we can find ourselves making rash decisions. “You are either for IT or against IT…come on which is IT”? Exactly…can I ask, “What is IT?” That pressure and the promise of a self-paced life journey are in complete contrast. Like two roads in the wood, which would you choose? A quote from Erich Fromm, Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be…Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you’ll live as you’ve never lived before.

I’ve been in sales and marketing for over 30 years so I am well aware of the power of suggestion. It’s my job to be persuasive and persistent. Persuasion: recommending a product or service that would benefit this person and convincing them, with logical and rational resources, to take action. The persistent part comes by never giving up. But let’s dive deeper into this idea of persuasion and how it relates to the power of suggestion. Every day and quite possibly, hourly, you’re being sold. Images, videos, commercials, taglines, slogans, arguments, offers, discounts…the list can go on and on. Your mind is busy all day long making choices.

You get up and make a choice of how to start your day, what to have for breakfast, and what to wear. At work it feels like that’s all you do all day long, managing your time, resources, meetings, co-workers, clients…all choices. You come home or head to your after-work extracurricular, time with friends, time with kids, time with your spouse or other obligations; honey-dos, projects, extra jobs, volunteerism, you name it. Choices.

When do you get time to think, ponder, rationalize, evaluate, or consider. To get all that done in a single day requires rapid-fire decisions. YES, NO, and not a whole lot of room for Maybe.

So let's go back to that idea of persuasion: recommending a product or service that would benefit this person and convincing them, with logical and rational resources, to take action.

Is that what’s happening? Do you believe everyone intent on getting your attention and winning your action is recommending a product or service that would benefit you? Then do you feel like they are convincing you with logical and rational resources?

Whoa….I see a pretty big discrepancy how about you?

Over at exploringyourmind.com I found more info on The Power of Suggestion

Robert Evans Wilson Jr gives the advertising perspective with How Subtle Suggestions Can Alter Your Behavior

Mark Grilli gives us a peek into the future with How the Power of Suggestion Will Change the Way We Use Content, found at thetilt.com

Now Polly Campbell helps with strategy 4 Ways the Power of Suggestion Can Change Your Life found at psycologytoday.com

Olivia Pennelle leaves us feeling empowered with The Power of Mastering Your Own Mind, found at shondaland.com

CHALLENGE: let your mind be the compass for your journey. Take the time to evaluate how you feel and when needed, choose to research what’s important to make your decision. When you assert your authority, you are in control.

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On this show…we are taking our time, letting the candle wax run as we explore the warning; be careful what you wish for. I’m sure you’ve thought about it before, if I could have anything, what would I wish for? You might have even played the game when you were young, three wishes. Some of you might have chosen simply, for the moment and others of you might have taken your time, savoring each wish and thinking of an all-encompassing answer. “I wish for unlimited wishes”. But how many of you thought of the after wish. You know that time after the wish has been granted. What now? How do you live with your choice? How do you manage the gift? Sometimes it’s not as simple as granting you what you want but instead, there could be strings attached or conditions. What if it weren’t that simple and instead, every wish led to an extended responsibility. Maybe instead of wishing you find contentment where you are and with what you have. Intriguing? Maybe, let’s dig in and see.

I recently read a book, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. In the story, the main character, Adeline is desperately trying to get out of an arranged marriage at the end of the 17th century in France. She has befriended a lady of the woods who taught her to pray to many other gods besides the religious God her parents worshiped. She warned her never to pray at night because the God of the night wasn’t a good god but an evil one. Unfortunately, that is just what happened. In her desperation to escape and not be owned by anyone, she made a deal with the devil. She could live forever, independently but when surrendered, her soul would be his.

She was 23 at the time of the deal and she would be 23 for centuries. Sounds amazing huh? Never growing old and bonus, she could never die which meant, any injury or accident was immediately rectified.

BUT you didn’t think the devil would make it that rich did you? Now the conditions. Why couldn’t she be owned or controlled by anyone? Because as soon as she left their sight, even exiting a room, she was immediately forgotten. She wasn’t allowed to say her name or make a mark in any way on this world. Think about that? She couldn’t get a job, rent a room, have a friend, or make a home. She couldn’t build on more than the first meeting with anyone. No one remembered her. Let that sink in for a minute.

What if no one remembered you or what you did? I think we’ve all wished for eternal youth but imagine if this were the consequence?

Don Hall gives us another example to set the stage: Monkey's Paw Wishes and the Consequences of Want found at literateape.com

Mike Fishbein helps us understand The Happiness Trap: Why You’re Never Satisfied and How to Break the Cycle found at medium.com

At aconsiousrethink.com I found 6 Sad Reasons Why You Are Never Satisfied In Life (+ How To Be)

I want to leave you with 4 Inspiring Messages from The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue

CHALLENGE: count your lucky stars and find gratitude in the life you have. Before you make a deal for more, explore the conditions and impact a wish granted will have on your life. It’s all in the power of perception.

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On this show…we are laying our cards on the table and summoning the courage to ask, offer, and receive forgiveness. It might sound simple but far from it. Guaranteed you’ve got some sort of shame or guilt stowing away in the baggage you’ve been dragging around for decades. Maybe you haven't come to terms with it or you’ve convinced yourself with faulty justification just to get by, but it’s there. Well today, with your permission, we are going to unpack it with the attempts to sort it out. Forgiveness is multifaceted which is why we are looking at the concept from multiple angles. Asking for it when needed, learning to forgive yourself, extending that offer to others, and then benefiting from receiving said forgiveness. All equals freedom in one form or the other. First, you have to be open and willing to accept responsibility for your own actions and be self-aware enough to realize what you are holding on to or refusing to ask for, could be making all the difference.

I’m not one to hold a grudge. Primarily because I hate tension, literally loath confrontation. I also don’t like to be in a bad mood. I’m not a brooder, a worrywart, or a nervous Nelly. I love calm consistent joy with a sprinkling of anticipation and a dash of drive. That’s where I feel most comfortable. Because of that, I do what it takes to get over it…for the most part.

Where I struggle most is with self-forgiveness. Most of us tend to hold ourselves to a much higher standard than we do others so with that comes harsh judgment and an unwillingness to forget let alone forgive. What does that look like on a face? Maybe nothing if you are good at hiding your deepest feelings. This means a sunny disposition can be hiding a darker storm so just be aware. You can not judge a person by what you see. We all have had trials and tribulations throughout our lives which are far from over. You might be good at compartmentalizing but others may not. So our reactions and how we work through each incident of struggle and strife make the way for what lies ahead.

Why is self-forgiveness so hard? Why are we so quick to let someone else off the hook; to swiftly lower their expectations but our own are kept to the highest standards with no second chances? I don’t know. Have you ever asked yourself that? Have you ever had an in-depth conversation through a personal deep dive on yourself?

Dr. Stephen Marmer enlightens us with more about Forgiveness found at PragerU.com

Eight Keys to Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be incredibly difficult. Robert Enright explains where to start in his article for greatergood.com

The Mayo Clinic shares: Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness

Kendra Cherry leads the way with Taking the Steps to Forgive Yourself in her article for verywellmind.com

CHALLENGE: let go of resentment and lower your defenses. Be willing to re-examine your role, forgive yourself for the part you played, offer the same to others, and receive the freedom to move forward. You hold the key!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are challenging our thought process, removing perceived obstacles, and finding love from within as we eliminate perfection from our expectations. Is your self-love conditional? “When I achieve this or that I can revisit the love I have for myself but not before.” Are your conditions reasonable and achievable or will the love you have for yourself never be realized? Let’s be honest with ourselves today because denying yourself love from within is preventing you from sharing authentic love with others. Everything starts and ends with you. Might sound like a lot of responsibility but hear me out. The way you look at the world and your relationship with it is entirely personal. The ideas you chose to believe and identify with will shape how you operate in it. That’s why this journey of SELF-discovery is all about YOU. You are the self this journey is all about.

Self-love is the self-help buzzword of the decade. It’s painted, screen printed, embroidered, written about, posted, shared, and podcasted all over the planet. But what is it and how does one partake? How many self-help buzzwords or sayings trigger an immediate response with you:

• Breathe
• Keep calm
• Carry on
• Don’t sweat the small stuff
• Choose kindness
• Be mindful
• Let Go

Most seem meaningful and are definitely a friendly reminder but if you don’t know what they mean and how they apply to you then they are just words.

You don’t know what you don’t know. So if you’re curious, if you would like to feel more accepted and loved by yourself and then others, isn’t it worth the journey?

I was too busy worrying about everyone else to worry too much about my own personal development. Now on the surface that sounds gallant but it’s not. My worry was more about control and this misperception that I was more responsible for everyone than I actually was. Because of this warped way of thinking, I spent a lot of time investing my mental and physical energy on those who would have benefited way more from just figuring it all out on their own.

Professionally I excelled but personally, I didn’t take the time to get to know myself and what I truly wanted or needed. You are made up of many glorious parts and endless personas and they all need your attention. This might sound like something else to add to your plate and you’re right. You need to carve out time for yourself - sooner rather than later. Giving to yourself will help you more effectively give to others.

As we strive to create balance in our lives it’s important to explore and extinguish this idea of perfection. Understanding it and its hold over you will help the pace of your journey from the need to be first and fastest to taking the necessary time you need.

Ana Sandiou gives us some insight into how: Cultivating feelings of self-love can sometimes be challenging. Found at medicalnewstoday.com

Maria Connolly prompts us with: Self-Discovery – The Most Enriching Journey You’ll Ever Take found at newayscenter.com

At psychlive.com I found A Guide to Finding Yourself that I think will be helpful no matter where you are on your journey.

CHALLENGE: delight in your journey taking special care to celebrate the self-revelations along the way. Striving for perfection will prevent you from moving forward and enjoying the constant evolution and love that is unique to you.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are drawing a line in the sand, being kind but concise as we say NO with the purpose of meaning it and sticking to it. One small word. Two little letters yet for some, the hardest word to say. The awkward silence after the delivery can be deafening and cause the weak at heart to cave and backslide. Just like a gymnast strives to stick the landing, one extra step means all the difference. To complicate things, N-O can be spoken in a variety of ways where tone and volume level can make or break the intent. Wow so much to think of before uttering this objection. No wonder we struggle with when and how to convey this simple sentiment, NO. N-O, no can do, nope, uh-uh, that’s a negative, of course not, negative. How uncomfortable are you just thinking about it? Have no fear, literally - no fear. We will explore this small but mighty word, get to the root of our resistance, and come up with some strategies to overcome.

No is a tough one for me. It used to be downright impossible without some sort of excuse or justification to follow. “No….but here’s why, blah blah blah” do you still like me? Did that make it easier? Do you feel ok with my answer? What an exhausting thought process.

Listen, someone asks something of you knowing, right out of the gate, that they have a 50-50 shot. I mean really, how many of us buy “maybe”? So you can say yes or you can say no. They have a 50% chance of getting what they want. You may or may not have been their first attempt so odds are, they have a backup plan. Most things won’t live and breathe by your answer so relax.

Where we fail is to consider our feelings, our time, and our capacity when giving our answer. In many cases, our only consideration is will they be disappointed if we say no. What about your disappointment meant? Does that sound selfish? If you think so, keep listening. This might be where we need some help overcoming this thought process.

Sarah Cy shows us: How to Say NO Without Feeling Guilty, Mean, or Selfish

Finding the balance between self-care and helping others in her article found at medium.com

James Sadukow shares: The Science Behind Why Awkward Silence WorksHere's the science behind why awkward silence works, how much of it is really needed, and how to use it effectively. Found at inc.com

Iulian Ionescu helps us with: How To Say No: A Guide for Serial People Pleasers found on his blog

CHALLENGE: consider your own feelings, interests, and capacity when evaluating an ask. Be confident in your decision to deliver a no, in a kind and thoughtful way. No doesn’t mean never but for today, you’re saying no to make room for your own yes!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are pulling out the spade and readying the ground as we start digging into what we love. What are you passionate about? What creates that exciting anxious feeling and what puts a smile on your face? Now, how often do you dig in and lose yourself in what you love? For many of us, what we love is a mirage or eutopia. When we get everything else done and satisfy the needs of everyone else, we will set off in search of this wonderful place. But unfortunately, that day never comes and if we have been lucky enough to grab a glimpse, it’s been fleeting. Well today, let’s agree to table the rest or stick a pin in the to-dos while we explore creative ways to bring what we love to the top of the list.

If you’re like me, you spend the majority of your day getting ready for work, working, or unwinding for work. On the weekends you are desperately trying to do anything but work, which usually means, all the other work. The house, the children, the endless honey-do projects. Oh don’t get me wrong, I hear your world’s tiniest record player playing “You’re Breaking My Heart” and really, I’m not necessarily complaining. I actually love to work. Not in the way I love warm chocolate cookies, a good binge series, or a memorable 80’s ballad - but I do enjoy my work.

What I’m saying is if I was put on the spot and asked “what I love and how often do I do what I love”, I might stumble and struggle for an eloquent answer. See, I’m always harping on finding a healthy balance because these topics are for me too. I continue to fight for a healthy balance.

I’m getting better and like with anything, a consistent reminder and some new strategies are always helpful. So let’s figure some stuff out. First, what do you love? When is the last time you explored this idea and were honest with yourself? Odds are what you love and are passionate about has changed over the years. Which by the way, is normal. I mean if I told you trading Barbies is what I love you might look at me funny but back in the day, it was a popular pastime.

Today looks quite a bit different for me. I’m empty nested by 5 years which as you know is game-changing. When ballgames, dances, homework, dinners, and extra-curricular were a focus you had plenty of places to invest your energy. Now, totally exposed and free to choose, you have to dig deep and go within to see where want to focus - for fun, something spiritually satisfying, or something you’ve never ever tried.

Sounds like we have a path. Let’s also uncover the obstacles and address them for what they are. If they’ve held you back before then they will continue to do so if we don’t hit them head-on. Sound fair?

Your passion could be something completely separate from your “day job” or they could meld and become one and the same. So let’s start by helping you find it before we can decide what to do with it.

Liam Donoghue helps us out with: How to Find Your Passion: 4 Tactics for Finding a Fulfilling Pursuit found at passion.io

Nikki Moberly teaches us: How to let go of control and free up some headspace found at betterup.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS: Digging into what you Love

1. Passion is something within everyone and it is unique to each individual on the planet
2. Your passion can be fluid and ever-changing
3. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But if you refuse to open your eyes to beauty (metaphorically I mean) you’ll never see it
4. Thinking about the type of impact you want to have on the world is a good way to find your passion
5. The world is your oyster, anything is possible, no debts, no doubt, no struggle. You’re free, what do you do?
6. Your passion can be anything or anywhere and once we understand and accept that we can all start living passionate lives
7. A shift needs to happen towards a mindset that focuses on self-efficacy rather than on controlling external factors
8. Focus on our inner world of mindset, outlook, and emotional regulation
9. Letting go of what you cannot control also opens the door to exciting or interesting possibilities that you have not even envisioned
10. Surrender = the complete acceptance of what is + faith that all is well, even without my input

CHALLENGE: today, make a commitment to explore your passion and dig into what you love. Shift your focus from worry and control to self-exploration and celebration.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are pulling out the cascade, the fountain, and the shower as we strive to find balance and joy while juggling it ALL. Busy, busy, busy! Isn’t that a typical response when you ask anyone how they are? So so busy! Well, aren’t we all. Have you ever stopped to question why? Are you busier now than in times past? Could you be entering or exiting an uncommonly busy season of life? Whether you’re working with balls, clubs, or rings; knives, fire torches, or chainsaws in most instances, you’re setting the pace. You’re adding more to the centrifugal force and you’re offsetting the balance. Before you know it, you’re dangerously close to dropping it all or wish you could. Focus and keep your eye on the highest part of the object while we explore the idea of finding balance and joy from a few different angles.

Remember this motto: Don't worry if you keep dropping the ball, the secret of juggling is throwing, not catching.

See if this resonates with you. You finally have everything in your life organized and you feel on top of your daily schedule. Sweet! Now, what should you do with the extra time you were able to carve out? Oh yeah…take on something else! What a vicious cycle that we are solely responsible for.

Some who know me say I’m the busiest person on the planet. Of course, this is a gross exaggeration and what they are really saying is, you are always into something. Which is true. I do like to be busy. I have a gazillion ideas that I would like to execute and I don’t normally spend much time laboring on the decision to start. I just start.

But there are times I feel overwhelmed and instead of taking time to analyze that feeling, I just soldier on as if all of these extra projects are my duty. But now I want to carve out the time to really study that decision. What might I be missing by not acknowledging this feeling?

Yesterday was a good day. We put aside our typical busy work and dedicated the whole day to connections. We had a lovely church service with our second family. I made a delicious lunch, if I do say so myself, and entertained my grown children, and then we went for a drive and stopped at Matt’s parents to round out the day. Just an impromptu visit with delightful conversation. We hadn’t planned to spend the entire day this way but instead of winding down earlier or getting into our projects, we chose to extend the day with an extra visit. As we pulled out of the driveway to finally head home, we each commented on how nice this day had been. Much needed balance. Now how to work that into common practice.

Harvey Schachter clues us in with: How to juggle multiple tasks without burning out, found at the globeandmail.com

Feel like you’ve “lost your mind”? Dr. Tchiki Davis helps us with 7 Ways to Get Your Mind Back, found at psychologytoday.com

Over at becomingunbusy.com I found How To Start Over: 5 Steps To Reboot Your Life

Melissa Goldberg tells us: Exactly How to Find Joy Today—and Every Day, found at oprahdaily.com

CHALLENGE: Before you drop it all, consider prioritizing with a softer or a harder throw as you dive into what to remove, release, and reject. Finding balance and joy doesn’t mean becoming an expert at juggling it ALL.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are sitting up tall, raising our hand, and resisting the urge to cut line as we come to the realization that, all I needed to learn, I learned in Kindergarten. Think about it, it was our foundation for out to treat other people. Unless you grew up with a gaggle of brothers and sisters, it was your first attempt at socialization. You and 23 other little screaming demons. Remember, naptime? Having had children of my own, getting a room full of 5-year-olds to all lay down and take a nap all at the same time is beyond my comprehension! Magic I tell you! So what have we been doing since we mastered the basics? We’ve been formulating strong opinions and judgments and then finding every chance we can get to share them. We’ve forgotten the basics and have started creating our own laws of human decency. Ones that fit and support our own narratives. Don’t you wish you could give some people a good old-fashioned time-out? Notice I didn’t say a trip to the woodshed but I know that’s what you were thinking.

I decided to explore this idea based on a popular book by Robert Fulghum; All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Published in 1990 with 7 million copies sold because I found myself shaking my head to outlandish stories of human behavior. The nerve, the Gaul, the perceived right? Whatever happened to common decency? Two teachers in one of my groups commonly refer to this book when we are left perplexed. So I decided to dig into basic manners that transcend every generation and stage of life as well as some that have evolved, thank goodness. I think it’s important to remember how far we’ve come but not to lose sight of the obvious, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

I remember a time when asking someone their age, weight, or salary was a huge no-no. Casual conversation was warned to avoid topics like politics or religion. Personal details were to be offered at a minimum to spare you and the other person. And unless someone offered a window, you didn’t pry!

Today someone will ask you who you voted for and if you’re vaccinated without a second thought. Then if you decide to even answer, truthfully, you are either congratulated for being in alignment with their thinking or chastised, lectured, and/or bullied. Whoa! People, there is a reason you vote behind a black curtain, and your doctor’s office is not allowed to share any details, at all, period! Personal choice and personal privacy. Respect….I’m sure that’s on this list. So Let’s get started!

All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

By Robert Fulghum

Dick, Jane And America Book Explores The Impact Of Reading Primers That Shaped Millions Of Lives by Carolyn Nizzi Warmbold found at spokesman.com

Caryn Antonini reminds us of: Bring Back Basic Manners, Please! By the Today Parenting Team

Áine Cain gives us 5 things that used to be basic manners — but people no longer do…found at the businessinsider.com

Over at startsat60.com I found What happened to good manners?

Meredith Betz enlightens us with: What is self-awareness, and why is it important? Found at betterup.com

CHALLENGE: Please, take some time to revisit the basics to see what might have gotten left behind during your evolution. Look to see, take time to understand, put yourself in their shoes, and then act appropriately.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are looking up, up that ladder that is. As we say “Hail to the Chief” and evaluate ways of being our own boss. The controller of our destiny. The final say. The Big Cheese. The Top Dog. However you identify, it’s time to take charge that starts with understanding your power and position. It’s easy to let life happen to you instead of making it happen for you. You’ve been dealt a set of circumstances, it “is what it is”. But I say fooey on all that. Sure, on the surface, it seems that some are more privileged and blessed than others but no one knows the struggle you encounter, but you. With wealth comes sacrifice and with fame comes strife. Nothing is as easy as it seems no matter how you look at it. But, you do have opportunity and that can start today; with knowledge. Knowledge is power. So you want to feel and be more powerful, start discovering and learning more about yourself, about others, and the world around you.

There was a point in time when I loved being an Assistant Manager. You had authority but not the final say. This was perfect when tough decisions needed to be made or you had an angry customer who wanted answers. “oh, I’m sorry sir, I’m just the Assistant Manager. I’ll have to refer you to my Manager on this”. Done, wrapped up nice and neat.

I also saw evidence of this in my earlier years. My parents were the Managers and not only did I defer to them, I felt compelled to seek their advice and direction on all new matters. And then a little monumental thing called independence bloomed and I struck out on my own, getting bruised, burnt, and scarred along the way. Still going to them with the big things but tackling more of the day-to-day on my own. Then at some point, it was more of after-the-fact informative announcements vs seeking their counsel premeditatively.

I remember when it happened more closely, with my own children. “You’re going where?” “You bought what?” and then I realized - they don’t have to ask my permission and now I’m lucky if they share the details after the fact.

Whoa, the tides have really shifted. What do you put off in your life because you either don’t feel you have the power to execute or you don’t feel you have the permission?

How can you assert authority over your life? In your thoughts, your actions, and your control?

Coley Lane Bouschet shares: 15 Tips for Cultivating a Boss Mentality in Work and Life found at lifegoalsmag.com

Michelle Rees inspires this talk with: How to Take Ownership of Your Life (and Get Everything You Want) found at wholelifechalleng.com

Flashpack.com shares HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF FEARLESS, IN 5 KEY STEPS

KEY HIGHLIGHTS:

1. The goal is to stop letting fear run the show
2. Raise your vibration, and remind yourself that you are worthy of the amazing life you visualize
3. There’s no time for jealousy and sabotage in a boss world
4. Don’t apologize when you don’t have to – find a way to thank someone instead
5. People are on different journeys and everyone has a unique pace in their lives
6. One of the most boss qualities is being able to shift unpleasant situations into golden opportunities
7. How we think and act is determined by many factors including our belief system, personality, upbringing, and behavioral tendencies
8. While comfort zones may feel safe, change never happens there
9. You can’t drive a car with emergency brakes on
10. When we lack ownership, we tend to fall into the passive trap of saying “I don’t have a choice.” In reality, we always have a choice — even when we don’t actively make a choice, we’re still making a choice by default

CHALLENGE: set your sights higher by pushing off what-ifs and the fear of the unknown. You have the power to charge forward in a new direction and to gather the information you need along the way. Being the boss of your life means taking risks and when needed, surrounding yourself with trusted advisors.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re getting out the scrapbooks and sweeping out the dusty corners of our minds as we talk a walk down memory lane! There are loads of benefits from reminiscing in a positive way. Notice I said reminiscing and not ruminating, there is a difference. Conjuring up sweet memories by re-reading journal entries and organizing old photographs can help you remember the details and with those details, come the happy memories. The emotions you felt as you remember the sparkle in your eye, the fuzzy flitter in your heart, or the way your face hurt from smiling so much. BAM - you are transported by to your “happy place”! This is a real experience you store in your brain and are able to recall to overcome fear, lift your mood, or quiet anxiety. Let’s explore the benefits of a walk down memory lane and how you can journey there often.

I have a pretty good memory, remembering many details from my childhood. Not crazy early memories like some claim but a good amount of specific detail when telling stories from my past. With that said, your hard drive, or brain drive only has so much space. The further away from the memories I get, the weaker the details. That’s sad to me. At one point in my life, those events and subsequent memories were everything!

I’ve tried to be diligent about capturing memories. I took pictures when my kiddos were little and when we had a video camera, took some videos - which all have to be converted now. I started journal after journal with no real consistency. I have a few scrapbooks created when people still printed pics. And now I have timeline entries on Facebook,

I’ve moved around over my life so unfortunately, things are shoved here or there and I’m sure at one point, made it into a box in the infamous garage.

Let’s gain some newfound motivation here by finding out first, how do we benefit from replaying happy memories in our minds? Then, what can we do to make this a more conscious effort? I’m sure we will stumble upon even more ideas along the way.

One of the steps I’ve mentioned before but shouldn’t go without saying is preparation. It is very difficult to conjure up a happy memory when you are in the throes of anxiety or depression. By then, the clouds have moved over the sun, and finding your happy place can seem like a mirage. Never fear - prepare. Take some time while in a calm and even state to look for the path to memory lane. Get a piece of paper or record yourself talking about a specific memory. I would recommend looking for and documenting three memories.

Here is the key, be specific. Today reading, the day I went to the beach might help you actually remember but on a cloudy day of depression, those words will do little to shine the light on the happy memory.

Add detail and color. For example, It was late May when I was 22. After a crazy month of meetings, deadlines, disappointments, and a few wins, I put in for a long weekend. I loaded up the car, found a hotel room on the beach, and set out for Sea Side Beach in Florida. The closer I got the warmer the weather and I rolled down my windows to let the salt air carry me away. I practically ran to the beach the minute I pulled in kicking off my shoes and rolling up my jeans. The sand was soft, powdery white, and quickly went from warm to cool as I reached the water's edge. Swoosh….the ocean welcomed me to my weekend oasis.

Ahhhh you can see what I mean about detail and color. Instantly, you’ll be transported back to that time and place when cares were minimal.

Markham Heid shares: The Power of Positive Memories found at nytimes.com

Marie Claire gives us some ideas on How to make happy memories last forever – and boost your well-being

Memory Help for Seniors: Proven Tips for Boosting Your Brain

CHALLENGE: before stress, anxiety, or depression bring you down, prepare for a guided walk down memory lane to easily transport yourself into a happier time and space. Consider journaling, adding details and emotions to cherish yourself before leaving your legacy to others.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are getting in a groove. Not their groove, or their groove, but Yours. It’s time to settle in and find your stride. Have you had enough of the high, highs, or the low, lows? Been on a rollercoaster of inspiration and productivity? Keep putting off what you want because you just aren’t sure how to get started or when? It’s time we recognize momentum and use it to find our stride. So many of us start the year with loads of great ideas and good intentions only to run out of steam before we ever really get started. Why should we be busting out of the starting gate on pace to hit the finish line with record speed? How about we adopt a healthy balance and a maintainable pace that will get us further down the track to success. No more shotgun starts only to find that you’ve come up short.

Oh, I’m just as guilty! If I had a $1 or rather if YOU had a $1 for every time I said I need to join a gym or start exercising, you’d be counting your millions about now. I’m a driven goal achiever but I can’t seem to find the momentum to make exercising a reality. Find something you like, make it part of your day, 28 days to make a habit…yeah yeah yeah - I’ve heard it all before. Applying it and making it stick is what I’m missing.

I remember every August before I started back to school I would say to my best friend, “I’m going to be more reserved this year”. You see, I never once got a positive mark for conduct. I tried, really I did, but I couldn’t seem to control my mouth. Not what I said but how ofter, the volume, the timing….never appropriate. My first-grade teacher said: She talks more than I do and I teach the class! So every year I would start off being quiet, rejecting the impulse to add in my two cents or offer a funny zinger. And every year, I would fail.

See I think going against your grain might be impossible. Instead of a leopard changing his spots what if he just chose a different background? I take back what I might have said in the past “Nothing is impossible?” In this context, that may not be true. It’s not that you can’t do it but do you have the desire and will to do it. I’m sure if I really put my all into it, I could become a runner. But I don’t possess the desire or will to make it happen.

Let’s explore these ideas as well as what it takes to harness your momentum and find your stride. It might be changing the way you look at these things altogether.

William Cho starts us off with: Knowing This Difference Will Give You Everything You Desire — Wish vs. Desire found at mystudentvoices.com

Coley Lane Bouschet shares: Motivation Vs. Momentum: How To Use Both To Become A Consistent Powerhouse found at lifegoalsmag.com

Marissa Bracke explains: Why Keeping Momentum Requires Getting Perspective found on her blog, marissabracke.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS:

1. When you understand the difference between a wish and a desire, you will find success in your endeavors
2. Real lessons are learned throughout the journey
3. Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve
4. What started as a little movement gathered into momentum and transformed into motivation
5. Intrinsic motivation is going to keep us more fulfilled long-term. It’s going to give us a sense of meaning to our lives, and that’s what we should lean on to keep fueling our motivation
6. One of the greatest parts of a momentum strategy is that it builds off of one small action and allows you to coast down from there
7. When you compare where you are right now with where you ultimately want to be, you typically wind up fixating on the distance between those two points
8. It's hard to maintain momentum on your journey when you're losing hope of ever completing it
9. To change your momentum, change your perspective
10. Hitting those smaller goals gives you a boost in energy and confidence, and that, in turn, keeps your momentum going

CHALLENGE: before you head to the starting gate, take a moment and explore your motivation. Is this something YOU desire and if so, map out your steps to gain momentum. Finding a stride with a pace that suits your life is paramount in maintaining a healthy balance.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are checking our boundaries and checking in with ourselves ad we protect our bubble while staying mindful. Ever feel like putting your head in the sand, darkening the tint on your rose-colored glasses, or creating a protective bubble where everything is peaceful and calm? Well, I think we all do. It’s for our own protection, not because we don’t care what’s going on around us. It’s important to know your limits and accept that not everyone can consume a firehouse of information, power struggles, and tragic updates. At some point, you have to wave the white flag and retreat back to where you feel safe and protected. We should all be striving for a healthy balance

I for one, fiercely protect my bubble. The balance for me is, staying informed and aware without feeling overwhelmed and attacked. It’s not as simple as turning on the TV for the latest updates, perusing a newspaper, or scrolling through your feeds. Wouldn’t it be great if we could get a bullet point style, nonbiased update delivered to our inbox every morning? Good morning, Kendall - here are the top 10 things you should know for today, and that’s it. If I search for that, I feel pulled and prodded, coerced, and frankly, misled. Before long I realize I’m listening to opinions and not facts. I don’t know about you, but my mind retreats and shuts down.

How much tragedy and despair can one digest? When we think about balance, are you getting the same dose of positivity and joy? Check in with yourself because this is important. How tipped is your scale? Let’s do some digging to find out the answers to these questions AND other ideas on how to protect your bubble while being mindful.

At alwayswellwithin.com I found: How to Create a Self-Protective Bubble

Are you there? Good because Blake Thorne is going to show us: Why Your Brain Has a Negativity Bias and How to Fix It - found on his, blog I done this

Let’s learn about Boundaries + Bubble Wrap: How To Protect Your Energy In This Crazy World - found at thechalkboardmag.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS -

1. Learning how to love yourself can be a first step to reclaiming a sense of personal space and defining your boundary.
2. Like any new habit, creating and truly feeling the presence of a protective sphere takes time and diligence.
3. Repeat these loving-kindness phrases: "May I be happy, May I be well, May I be safe.”
4. “Bad emotions, bad parents, and bad feedback have more impact than good ones… The self is more motivated to avoid bad self-definitions than to pursue good ones.”
5. When we focus on negative things, we actually reshape our perception into seeing negative things
6. Two-thirds of your motivation regulator is designed to focus on negativity
7. Regularly being thankful and noting the good things in your life can improve sleep, reduce stress, and provide a boost for your relationships
8. Looking after our energy is so important, and it’s not just about your physical energy, but the energy you’re containing and managing across your four bodies; the parts that make up your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual self.
9. Keep in mind that your intention is everything
10. “Heartfelt harmony” is a sense of worth, empowerment, balance, and alignment. It’s where you know what you need to do in order to cleanse what’s not working for you, and you know how to deeply care for yourself

If you want to share Encouragementology with a friend who needs to know they are not alone in this journey of self-discovery, you can visit encouragementology.com or anywhere you stream your content to receive this episode and all others. Follow us on Facebook for additional encouragement throughout the week!

CHALLENGE: don’t pop your bubble when you feel pressure to wake up and dial in. You have the power to choose, digest, reject, and share. Be wise with your choices. Taking care of yourself while being mindful creates a healthy balance where you can thrive.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are checking in and taking inventory, with ourselves. Conducting a self-evaluation and determining, what’s next. It’s time for a little focus, brainstorming, and maybe even a deep dive for inspiration before we get to the task of creating our plan of action. Change happens whether we invite it or not but when you initiate some control and create the change you want to see, you move from the backseat to the driver’s seat. From this perspective, it’s nothing but an open highway ready for your to chart your course. We are determined to bring focus to what might have been an aimless approach or fuel to what might have been a gasless incline. It’s all about making modifications not necessarily starting from scratch. You don’t have to wait for a new year to check in with yourself. You should develop a plan to make it a regular practice.

If you’re like me you might be thinking - Whoa, where did that year go? Time seems to be moving at lightning speed and if you don’t pump the breaks and insert some intentional pitstops, you’ll be further down the road than you ever imagined. A common goal-setting technique is to answer the question: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Let’s take a minute and think about that. Have you ever answered that question? Or I should ask, how many times have you answered that question? How often has the answer changed?

I would bet that the first time you were asked that question vs now, many many things have changed. Your focus, your personal or professional position, your wants, and your desires. That’s why it’s so important to make self-evaluation a regular practice. Nothing wastes more time or creates more dissatisfaction than spinning your wheels and shooting for a goal you no longer care about.

My answers used to be all about work, success, financial reward. Those were the earlier days when you are trying to “get somewhere” and make something of yourself. Now my goals are more about awareness and mindfulness for what’s going on around me. How can I help, make a bigger impact, make a difference?

Maggie Wooll explains: How to write an achievable 5-year plan found at betterup.com

Megan Thompson helps us understand The Benefits of Self Evaluation and Assessment in her article for wethrive.net

KEY HIGHLIGHTS:

1. One of the best things about a 5-year plan is that it can significantly motivate you to create the life you want to live.
2. HARD goals are defined as:
3. Heartfelt
4. Animated
5. Required

6. Difficult

7. Spend time thinking about what types of activities interest you, what type of environment you enjoy, what type of impact you want to make day-to-day

8. Plan for periodic review, reflection, and adjustment as part of life
9. You need someone who will agree to listen, spend some time walking through your ideas, and share constructive feedback
10. Self-evaluation is the ability to examine yourself to find out how much progress you have made.
11. The appraisal process becomes much more of a two-way discussion when it revolves around regular self-evaluation
12. Self-assessment and continual feedback contribute hugely to a culture of trust and engagement
13. While self-reflection in everyday life seeks insight into behavior and values for personal growth, self-evaluation at work is used to study performance in order to improve it.
14. “We do not learn from experience … we learn from reflecting on experience.”

If you want to share Encouragementology with a friend who needs to know they are not alone in this journey of self-discovery, you can visit encouragementology.com or anywhere you stream your content to receive this episode and all others. Follow us on Facebook for additional encouragement throughout the week!

CHALLENGE: Before you set goals for the year or modify the ones you have in place - take the time for self-reflection and evaluation. What’s changed? Whether it’s your professional or personnel situation or just your wants and needs, be open to striking out in a new direction with a new approach.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re going to give ourselves a second look, check out a new angle, and be ready to dust off the lenses because we’re looking to remodel and restore and work with what we have. Don’t like where you are in life, what you’re doing, or what you’ve become? Before you trowel in the towel in an attempt to start over, let’s look at some positive changes you can make which will have a huge impact on your life and your livelihood. Time flies and before you know it you’ve made one too many questionable choices or have put off today what you intended to do tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day. And here you are thinking WOW I’m really here but the thought of getting back on track or there, anywhere seems unfathomable. So here we will sit and dream about something more. NO WAY. How could we possibly be satisfied with that?

I developed the name Phase II - well maybe not created it into the human language but I adopted it for my coaching practice. Phase II Reimagining Life. This is because I’m convinced there is another Phase, and then another. You get a chance to continue your life living differently. You don’t get a new life but that doesn’t mean once you get started in a certain direction, that you have to stay on the path. You don’t even have to hit a life-changing roadblock to want to change your mind and your direction. It’s your choice. Isn’t that amazing - you have choices! Now and all the way through your life. There is only one phase that is destined, the rest is up to you.

Some might look at that statement as if I’m wearing rose-colored glasses and am in no way affected by the real world. You’re half right - I do wear rose-colored glasses, not because I’m insensitive or unaware but because I chose to. It’s my choice. By looking for the good first - I see the good first.

I realize our environment, how we were raised, our family dynamics and a host of other things directly impact what comes easy to use or difficult for us. But it stops there. We have choices, on a large or small scale, we have choices that will dramatically shape our lives.

As a life coach, I find ways to navigate the future instead of being stuck by the limitations of our past. This could include visiting past traumas to release our guilt and shame so that we can move on but the concentration is in Phase II.

Maybe we all could use a little time in the rose-colored glasses. A journalist at the Donalsonville News thinks so in their article: Everyone should have a pair of rose-colored glasses

At SoulSalt I found 7 Actionable Strategies to Get Back on Track (Starting Today)

Zulie Rane enlightens us with Why Your Brain Doesn’t Let You Believe the Compliments You Receive - Sometimes it’s hard to accept the good about yourself.

Dr. Shonna Waters explains in her article: The path to self-acceptance, paved through daily practice found a betterup.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS - Remodel and Restore, Working with What You Have

1. By looking for the good first - you see the good first
2. Good moods enhance the literal size of the window through which we see the world. The upside of this is that we can see things from a more global, or integrative perspective.
3. When life doesn’t go as planned, you can’t always choose your situation. But you can choose how you react.
4. Making changes for the better often means taking a good, hard look in the mirror. And that takes a lot of honesty and courage to face those underlying issues.
5. It’s so easy to believe in, linger on, eternally reflect on the negative even when it’s overwhelmingly outweighed by the positive.
6. You can’t simultaneously believe you suck and believe someone else when they say that you don’t.
7. Research showed that people who routinely dismissed positive comments actually had a harder time remembering the level of positivity of the feedback, more so than people who accepted them, to begin with.
8. Self-acceptance is the act of accepting yourself and all your personality traits exactly as they are
9. Reviewing your goals and your progress on them reminds you of your strengths.
10. Learning to accept yourself helps you create a more positive, compassionate, and balanced view of yourself

CHALLENGE: take action today to get your life back on track and heading in a new direction. Phase II means reimagining life and you’re in charge of the process. Enlist a trusted friend to get you over the hump of self-doubt and down the path to self-acceptance.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are looking to the horizon and brainstorming without limits. All the while keeping consideration of the present and the immediately following because planning for the future DOES include tomorrow. We can daydream and visualize with the belief that the sky is the limit but to avoid a future of desert marriages, let’s add context, timelines, and a healthy dose of now and then. Don’t put off tomorrow what you could have today! Oh sure, a bit of fantasy is productive. I mean if you didn’t stretch yourself now and again where would you be - going in circles. Life is full of promise and no matter what you set as your next goal, with a little engineering and drive, you can get there. Where is there? Let’s put some color to that.

Planning for the future could take on a stodgy context of financial investments to help you when and if you retire someday. But let’s think of future planning as everything that happens, after today. It could include long-term goals, a solid financial foundation to take care of you when you are no longer pressing the gas pedal to the floor. It could be logical and logistical goals, normal for your life’s journey. Education, career, house, family. It could also be to bake in a bit of fun - vacations, vacation homes, travel, hobbies, additional business opportunities. It could be more personal and emotional in nature - more rest, better health, stronger friendships, volunteerism, giving back.

Just think about it. No really….that’s what it will require. You to think, challenge yourself, possibly step outside your comfort zone, and then push yourself to take action.

We could carry on with the mechanics of life just getting by with our health, wealth, spirituality, and personal relationships and more than likely be ok. But don’t you want more? More experiences, more love, more enlightenment, more purpose?

As you sit here today…what comes to mind? Maybe you’re the most organized and have lists upon lists of what to do today, this week, month, or year but maybe you are thinking….hmmmmm I don’t know where to start.

Joanna Hughes reminds us of:The Importance of Inspiration and Four Tips for Finding It in an article she wrote for Keystone Masterstudies

I found a fun and meaningful exercise that help you Identify Significant Experiences to Inspire Your Future at Alberta alis

Well guess what: ​​Don’t Take Your Head Out of the Clouds! Says Rebecca Renner in an article she wrote for The New York Times

Barbara Grace leads us forward with How to Set Realistic Short Term Goals for a Successful Life in an article she wrote for Lifehack

KEY HIGHLIGHTS: Planning for the Future Includes Tomorrow

1. Future planning is everything that happens, after today
2. Inspiration awakens us to new possibilities by allowing us to transcend our ordinary experiences and limitations
3. Inspiration is best thought of as a surprising interaction between your current knowledge and the information you receive from the world
4. Don’t be afraid to share your ideas and allow your team space and a little creative control to help you shape your vision
5. Significant experiences are the events in your own personal history you remember because they made you feel good, satisfied, engaged, invigorated, inspired, in the flow
6. Daydreaming can inspire happiness if you purposefully engage with meaningful topics, such as pleasant memories of loved ones or imagined scenes of triumph in the face of all odds
7. Research has shown that imagining scenarios as visual scenes can provide a boost in mood to people suffering from major depression.
8. Change begins with the hope of what’s possible in your life
9. A short-term goal is the smallest step you need to reach a bigger goal centered around achieving something you passionately desire
10. Genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration.

CHALLENGE: Let your mind wander with a good mix of fantasy and potential reality. When inspired, take action with short-term goals that will propel you forward. Involve your support group to add additional color, flare, and some much-needed encouragement.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are taking a big breath and counting to three, 1-2-3 - ahhhh as we identify and calm the frustration of anger avoidance. Are you tired of putting on a brave face while weathering the storm, all the while being poked, prodded, overshadowed, and coerced? Frustration is the emotional build-up when a person gets very irritated and disappointed from a certain situation over some time, and at some point, this frustration comes out as anger. Anger is the result of frustration; an emotional response that is shown verbally and physically. Cool your jets. Ok, not that easy but let’s get to the root of all the pent-up frustration and find out why you haven’t been able to effectively express yourself. Ready to smell a flower and blow out a candle?

I’m rarely angry or lose my temper. That’s not to say that I don’t get frustrated but being a problem-solver by nature, my first reaction is to figure out how to get out of any situation without the heightened emotions. As I delve into the times I’ve been frustrated as an attempt to uncover a common thread, I would have to say when I feel out of control or overwhelmed. Sometimes those feelings are synonymous with each other.

Not that I’m a control freak by any nature...ok maybe a little, but the feeling of not being able to change a hopeless situation is frustrating. When I have a day packed with deadlines and more to-do’s than humanly possible I get overwhelmed and as a result, can feel frustrated. The frustration is because I know I will power through instead of giving realistic timelines and expectations or just saying no - I don’t have the capacity to take on one more thing.

Identifying your feelings and triggers is so important. I saw a chart in a cozy corner of a Head Start daycare when I was visiting. The chart had a series of faces and labels depicting different moods and emotions. There was also a picture of a flower and a candle. I asked the teacher what this corner was all about and she said it was to help the children accurately identify their feelings in a safe space. Many of them come in feeling frustrated but through this exercise might actually identify with feeling sad or tired. They might say they are mad but in reality, might feel lonely or unheard. I was so impressed by this early identification that I immediately thought about my only children and what I did or didn’t teach them. I mean think about it, where does one learn this level of emotional identification at such a young age? Curious about the flower and candle, she showed me the exercise. When a child is frustrated, simply telling them to breathe may not be effective enough. But having them smell the picture of the flower and then blow on the picture of the candle is essentially breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. GENIUS!!

Let’s learn a little more about this with Emotional Labeling: How to Control Stress and Feel Less Anxious by Naming Emotions. Found at melodywilding.com

Here are 3 Ways to Better Understand Your Emotions by Susan David found at the Harvard Business Review

John Riddle helps us better understand this with: Repressed Anger and Emotional Avoidance: 5 Ways to Find the Positive in Negative Emotion

Dr. Leta A. Livoti shares more about this in: Food for Thought: Anger avoidance found at Clark Fork Valley Press

Molly Callahan gives us some other alternatives in: To manage your anger better, learn the difference between frustration and irritation. Found at medicalxpress.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS - The Frustration of Anger Avoidance

1. Emotional labeling is the practice of cultivating emotional literacy
2. Naming your emotions immediately releases their grip over you and reduces physiological distress
3. Words matter. If you’re experiencing a strong emotion, take a moment to consider what to call it
4. Feeling responsible leads to action but for many, it leads to hopelessness and overwhelm, burden, frustration, and despair.
5. Confrontation can be very anxiety-producing and painful, and many people mistakenly believe the best way to deal with these feelings is to put them out of your mind
6. Angry energy can be highly productive or destructive. But you can use it productively to sharpen up your boundaries so that you don’t get mad about being used, manipulated or disrespected
7. Change negative self-talk into positive self-talk. When we talk badly about ourselves, we start to believe what we are saying which perpetuates the bad feelings.
8. We can find the good in negative emotions, once we accept the idea they are just part of the journey of life, and they will eventually lead to better times.
9. Anger is the energy that helps you achieve a balance between giving and taking and helps you set healthy boundaries for yourself.
10. We are all learning and growing and making the commitment to evolve with a new and better understanding.

CHALLENGE: Take time to understand the origin of your emotion and search your feelings for the right label. Proper identification is the start to unraveling the root. Create health boundaries that give you a safe space to react and appropriately express yourself.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we’re aimed at having a real talk without judgment. Show disclaimer, no matter what your involvement is with drugs or alcohol, you can benefit from the awareness of casual consumption, substance abuse, and addiction. We have all been impacted on some level either directly or indirectly and the threat is not going away. Almost 21 million Americans have at least one addiction, yet only 10% of them receive treatment. We can’t take our eyes off this problem and sweep it under the rug hoping it goes away. Taking away access to drugs and alcohol only solves one issue but not the underlying reason for abusing in the first place. There is help and it starts with an awareness and an honest look at your life and those around you. Do you need help or can you help?

I am a woman in recovery. Eight and a half years ago I started my journey to self-discovery. It started with a hard look in the mirror to address my own issues and need for change vs unsuccessfully trying to change and control everyone around me. If I wanted different, I had to be different. The first thing that had to go was my reliance on alcohol. Some might have seen a casual drinker always ready to unwind and have a good time but I was far from casual. I was consistent. I consistently drank more than I should more often than reasonable. I had a problem.

The realization that a change needed to happen came before my revelation and subsequent call to action 8 years ago but like many, I started with negotiation. I will only drink on weekends, only have wine with dinner, only consume when there is a special occasion. Good intentions to limit myself yes, but not successful. One day I was in a doctor's office waiting room and saw a magazine article on abstinence vs moderation and how our brain is wired. Whoa! I had an ah-ha moment and sorry to say, ripped out the article. This made so much sense to me. See someone people can say, I will just cut down but I could never stop….eating bread for instance. Where others claim they have no self-control when it comes to eating bread so it’s better if they never start.

That’s me! I remembered all the time I tried to moderate and how mentally exhausting that was. Making bargains, paying close attention to the clock, rationalizing my next glass, and of course, ultimately being disappointed in myself. Abstaining or quitting meant, that’s it…..no games, no bargains, no disappointment. So eight and half years ago, I gave it a try and I succeeded.

I couldn’t find the exact article I read even though I’m sure it’s tucked into some journal I have but, here is a little more behind that idea. This might be a revelation for you and a way to get us started…

DEBBIE ROES - ARE YOU A MODERATOR OR AN ABSTAINER? Found at mywardrobemyself.com

At 12keysrehab.com I found: ​​The Stages of Addiction: How Casual Use Evolves into Dependence

I found this at recoverycentersofamerica.com: Social Drinking vs a Drinking Problem: What’s the Difference?

Let’s wrap it up with 13 BENEFITS OF LIVING A SOBER LIFE from silverlinings

KEY HIGHLIGHTS - Casual Consumption, Substance Abuse, and Addiction

1. If you want different you have to BE different
2. An Abstainer decides one time that something is off-limits and that’s it; the temptation is gone.
3. Studies show that children and adolescents between ages 12-14 and 15-17 are at the highest risk for initiation of drug and alcohol use.
4. When regular use of drugs or alcohol is occurring, individuals are likely using to the point where other areas of their lives begin to suffer.
5. Once you have developed a dependence on drugs or alcohol, it is only a matter of time until you reach the final stage of addiction, which is a full-blown substance use disorder.
6. Problem drinking does not mean that a person has a physical dependence or addiction to alcohol, but more so defines the risky or potentially unhealthy behaviors associated with their drinking.
7. Problem drinking may occur frequently or infrequently, but typically results in negative experiences or problems in a person’s life
8. If you struggle with substance abuse or addiction, living a sober life will improve your life immensely.
9. Due to the toxicity level of alcohol and drugs, when you chronically abuse them, your immune system lowers
10. With this newfound information, you can craft a new life for yourself that best fits your personal needs.

CHALLENGE: Seek to understand your role and responsibility in consumption and recovery. Freedom comes without hindrance or restraint and you have the power to own your life’s outcomes moving forward.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show... we aren’t sitting back, enjoying the ride, and hoping to be entertained. We are seeking an “ah-ha” moment to awaken our minds as we educate and stimulate vs occupy. Now don’t get me wrong, zoning out is fun and has its place. Binge-watching tv or hosting a movie marathon for pure entertainment is fun. But with everything, we’re striving for a healthy balance. Spending too much time letting the world influence you instead of you making the impact might be short-sided. There are more resources now vs ever for you to make an intentional pursuit of knowledge. What do you want to know? Have you ever thought about what lights up the brain and when it might be more on autopilot? Well, just like the rest of your body, it needs healthy food and exercise to survive and thrive.

The topic of awakening your mind has been one I’ve kept in focus since my Father went to live at the VA nursing home. He has since passed but he struggled with Parkinson’s and dementia. Watching his mind slip away was one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my life to date. My father was a professor, an artist, an analytical thinker, an emotional communicator, and a compelling speaker. He had no trouble commanding an auditorium or captivating a five-year-old with a theatrical story.

His voice was the first to go. He said it felt like he was being hushed from within and eventually it was hard to hear or understand most of what he said. Who would have known that shortly after my father retired from the university he would be diagnosed with Parkinson’s? No one. It made me step back and see that precious reality with new light. We will never know what type of cognitive capacity we will have as we age. Nothing is guaranteed.

If you truly believed that, would it make you look at today, differently? What would you want to see, do, hear, taste? Would you waste an hour or try to fill it with everything you find important in life? Would you search for a new adventure or seek the comfort of routine? Why wait for a diagnosis? You can live that way now. Intentionally seeking and pursuing knowledge and experience.

Dr. Sven Hansen gives us much-needed detail in his article: Awaken Your Mind found at the Resilience Institute

Maili from trackinghappiness.com helps us with: How To Live Life With Intention (4 Actionable Ways)

Eckhart Tolle is widely recognized as one of the most inspiring and visionary spiritual teachers in the world today.

Living Your Purpose in Everyday Life

Are You Ready to Awaken?

Vivian Giang helps us get started with: Neuroscience says these five rituals will help your brain stay in peak condition found at qz.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS - Awaken Your Mind, Educate & Stimulate vs Occupy

1. Nothing is guaranteed. If you truly believed that, would it make you look at today, differently?
2. Mind is awareness. Mind allows us to shine a light on body, emotion, and brain.
3. When our health suffers, consciousness suffers. Fatigue, poor nutrition, overweight, low fitness, and distress destroy our capacity to awaken the mind.
4. To be a good parent, leader, or friend recognizing the different ways life unfolds in a calm, respectful and empathic manner, enables creative responses.
5. Living with a plan is all about making stuff happen instead of letting stuff happen to you, about staying on your path and not getting sidetracked by life’s distractions.
6. Be the curator of your own life, take full advantage of this power, and make sure that everything in your life is there for a reason.
7. You are here to enable the divine purpose of the universe to unfold
8. The world needs your awakening. And as you awaken, those who are just about ready will recognize through you that they are ready.
9. Both progress and setbacks are said to greatly influence our emotions. So the earlier in the day you can feel successful, the better—feelings of excitement help fuel behaviors that will set you up for success.
10. Like other muscles in your body, if you don’t use the brain, you’ll eventually lose it. This means it’s crucial to exercise your brain and keep it stimulated

CHALLENGE: Balance time-wasting and mental preoccupation with a healthy pursuit of the “ah-ha”. Challenge yourself to learn, share, and grow. You are the personal trainer of this muscle, your brain. Create a regime that will stretch your limits but result in big payoffs.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we will be exposing the elephant in the room, exploring the why behind defiance or hurt feelings, and embracing a new perspective with hopefully understanding and tolerance. We’re aimed at addressing the power imbalance instead of avoiding it. Of course, we will come at the subject from many angles. The abuse of legitimate power and the misuse of perceived power. It may be helpful to use a personal and professional lens to understand what it means to push back and find your voice and when it’s appropriate. We should also be mindful of our own power and suitable use and squander. The word mindful may be the buzzword of the decade but it really is the key to understanding. Mindfulness: a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. It’s about being aware from all angles taking into account all involved.

When one hears the word bullying or to bully the first thought, at least for me, is the big boy on the playground picking on the smaller boy. It dawned on me even though that was my first thought, it in no way represents all the facets of the subject and in fact, is a much too narrow view. So I looked up the definition: seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable). With my first impression of bullying I can say, I don’t have any first-hand knowledge. As a child I was always, for the most part, self-confident and extroverted. I might have been viewed as a leader instead of a follower. I can’t recall a time where someone picked on me at least to the point that it did harm or that I carried the memory with me.

But, when I consider the actual definition: seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable). I can think of many times that I have been or have been attempted to be coerced. In an attempt to seek harm? I’m not sure, intentional or not, it could be viewed as harmful. Perceived as vulnerable? Anytime someone is uninformed they are vulnerable so if you want to split hairs, and I think we should for this purpose then yes. With this new perspective on the definition, I can safely say, we’ve all been involved in a power imbalance at one time or another.

Now, I’m not going to bash the news and social media (even if mentioned) or go on a political tangent. Coercion is all around us. My goal is to shed some light and new perspectives that we can take on our journey of self-discovery. Knowledge is power! I think we can all start there.

Dr. Shonna Waters adds to our knowledge pools with: Feeling uneasy? Here’s what workplace coercion looks like in her article for betterup.com

Cindy Lamothe helps answer this question in: How to Recognize Coercive Control, found at healthline.com

Words are powerful and Ariel Guzman helps us realize this with: Choose Wisely: How Our Words Impact Others

Teamsoul over at iamfearlesssoul.com reminds us that: THIS IS HOW POWERFUL YOUR WORDS ARE – BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SPEAK INTO YOUR LIFE

KEY HIGHLIGHTS - The Power Imbalance, Addressing vs Avoiding

1. Anytime someone is uninformed they are vulnerable
2. Coercion is forcing someone to do something by making threats. It’s an attempt to control a person’s behavior with force or manipulation.
3. Malicious put-downs, name-calling, and frequent criticisms are all forms of bullying behavior.
4. Coercive control is a pernicious form of domestic abuse that entraps you in a hostage-like situation
5. If you are in a coercive situation, whether professionally or personally, it is important to seek support.
6. “Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity… Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble.”
7. The greatest mistake we can make is believing our words have no value in other people’s lives.
8. Words filter through us and seep into our community, where they are absorbed then reasserted by others to people they know.
9. Meeting people where they are and helping them with the burdens they carry today seems a more lucrative act of kindness and compassion.
10. What you speak over your life is what your life will become.

CHALLENGE: find your voice and speak life and love into others as well as over your own life. The power imbalance shifts when you expose the discrepancies while gaining knowledge about your own thoughts and opinions.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show… we are letting go of the rope, lowering our voices, and raising our chins because we’re determined to keep the power and drop the struggle. What are we fighting for anyway? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself that? What are you holding on to so fiercely that you can’t even fathom that there might be another side, a different perspective, or a better answer? We aren’t talking about life’s ups and downs that can cause the endless rollercoaster of adulting. We are talking about the struggles that we create. Let’s explore them from all angles to see if we can find some wiggle room. Here, we will need to climb up high for a different vantage point because on the ground slugging it out, we only see what’s right in front of us or what we want to see.

I sometimes think, what’s all the fuss about? Standing back and taking it all in, it seems like everyone is mad about something. Tension is high all around us. I’ve heard, “if you don’t stand for something, you stand for nothing.” Bold statements like that have me thinking...oh no, what do I stand for?? I mean, I don’t want to stand for, nothing! Quick….what do I stand for?

Well, guess what, I have a lot of thoughts, opinions, and ideas. What I don’t have is the need to share them all the time with everyone. And even though I have the gift of gab, I don’t feel compelled to be to loudest one in the room or the last one talking.

Now, maybe that’s just me and you might feel otherwise. Maybe you have a passion burning within you and a push to get everyone to see it, believe it, and buy into it. But even though we aren’t on the same page or see everything eye-to-eye, does that make one of us wrong? What if we were both right even though we approach life totally differently. Is there room in your world for me to be right too? Does my being right, necessarily make you wrong?

Perceptions are in the eye of the beholder as are points of view. It’s what’s make us uniquely different. It also helps push us to learn, flex, adapt, and grow.

Eric S Burdon shares his perspective in: Why A Difference In Perspective Can Help You Understand Yourself he wrote for medium and found at ericburdon.com

Mel Schwartz L.C.S.W.. helps us with: A Shift of Mind

Why Is It So Important to Be Right? Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy? Found at psycologytoday.com

Here are 6 more ideas on How to stop needing to be right all the time from Dr. Roger Landry found at mindbodygreen.com

Amy Morin has found: 10 Things Mentally Strong People Give Up to Gain Inner Peace Letting go of certain things can open the door to true contentment in life available at inc.com

Tony Fahkry backs me up by saying: If You Want To Change The World, Start With Yourself First found at medium.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS - Keep the Power, Drop the Struggle

1. Perceptions are in the eye of the beholder as are points of view. It’s what’s make us uniquely different. It also helps push us to learn, flex, adapt, and grow.
2. Perspective-taking is seeing things from various viewpoints. Perspective-seeking is basically looking at things objectively rather than picking a side.
3. When we have a broad mind and attempt to understand both sides of the coin, we grow.
4. There will always be two sides to every story. So take both in and try to understand objectively.
5. One of the most prevalent—and damaging—themes in our culture is the need to be right.
6. Being quick to defend or preach a different point of view means you aren’t making space for opposing opinions.
7. Acknowledgment and acceptance of a differing worldview is a powerful act of understanding, self-confidence, and compassion.
8. You are a unique miracle of existence. You will make mistakes and succeed, help and hurt others, be right and be wrong. But you are still OK
9. Mentally strong people make self-improvement a priority, because they know there's always room for improvement.
10. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

CHALLENGE: to drop the rope, listen with an ear for understanding, walk away when negativity threatens your inner peace. Pull out of the power struggle and let go of the need to be right. Change starts with you!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show… We are checking it twice, looking to the horizon, and consulting a trusted advisor as we discuss; a clock, a compass, and a companion. This show is not to scare you with reminders like, “you’re running out of time” or “look at you, you’re still in the same spot” or even to provide a disclaimer like, “ you can’t go it alone”. Instead, it’s to remind you how precious time is, and how important it could be to identify what you want so you know where you need to go. And to encourage you to look to or strengthen your inner circle to provide love, support, and inspiration along your journey. We all desire to go somewhere emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Do you think that might require some mindful preparation?

I attended a leadership conference the other day and came away so inspired. So I would say, they nailed it. Regardless of the business, you're in, I think we can all appreciate a day of encouraging talks as we are reminded about the bigger picture and mission in life. It’s easy to get sucked into the day-to-day and lose sight of what’s important. We have meetings, emails, deadlines, and endless to-do’s. Even if you aren’t running the rat race anymore you can get preoccupied with the problems of the world with its perceived timelines and schedules.

How much time do you spend in silence, pondering life, and preparing for what’s next? That’s right ….silence. Not reading, watching, or listening to anything. Not surfing, or clicking, or posting anywhere. Just thinking. Not reminiscing, rehashing, or ruminating. Just thinking.

Time and space are so important to learn who, why, and what you need.

An Ode to Silence: Why You Need It in Your Life

And how to find more of it found at health.clevelandclinic.org

During the conference, John Maxwell, world-renowned speaker, coach, and pastor, and author of The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership and The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader, mentioned this notion of a clock, a compass, and a companion.

The Clock: The clock is always ticking in this life. Time passes, and we either take advantage of opportunities, or we miss them. So it’s important to keep the clock in mind. But it’s not the only thing if you want to live a life of significance.

The Compass: The compass is what we steer life by. It remains constant, and we’re wise when we align ourselves with the direction we know we should be going. But just lining up with the compass doesn’t get us anywhere if we don’t start moving.

Dr. Nikki Martinez shares her ideas on How to Surround Yourself with Positive People found at everydaypower.com

Here are: 7 Tips to Help You Embark on a Journey of Self Discovery found at Bodhiheart.com

Nick Wignall leaves us with 4 Psychological Habits of Highly Self-Aware People found at medium.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS: A Clock, A Compass, and A Companion

1. Time and space are so important to learn who, why, and what you need.
2. “We can use calm, quiet moments to tap into a different part of the nervous system that helps shut down our bodies’ physical response to stress.”
3. Together the clock and the compass provide us with both motivation and direction. Finding a balance between them means that we’re able to compound our efforts and add the most value that we can to our world.
4. A leader's potential is determined by those closest to him.
5. Learning to find our own closure, and focus our energies on the positive people in our lives is one of the healthiest choices we can make for ourselves.
6. The journey to self-discovery, which starts with a willingness to embrace new ideas while letting go of past beliefs and being eager to get to know yourself in a new light
7. “Who am I?” The desire to answer this question is one of the most powerful motivations for contemplative practice.
8. Self-awareness isn’t something you’re born into. It’s something you build through practice.
9. Challenge whether the questions, motivations, and methods are good enough, not whether you are good enough.
10. True self-awareness comes from genuine interaction with other people

CHALLENGE: to pack light for your journey as you will pick up plenty of tools along your way. Maximize your time as you shoot for your goals allowing those who care, support your efforts. Build the necessary network by investing your time and energy into others.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we aren’t trying to get hip, don’t trip, throw shade, or be woke - we are simply trying to bridge the generational gap and understand all the ages. Do you feel like you’re stuck in a time warp not understanding what the “kids” today are saying, meaning, or even thinking? Maybe you’re on the other end with mind-blowing comments like we used to walk everywhere we went or gas used to cost 25 cents a gallon. Better yet you’re trapped in the middle being the interpreter of multiple generations wondering where you fit it. Understanding is key to getting you out of the rut and over the hump but where do you start? You start by not limiting your understanding to what is comfortable and makes perfect sense to you. You stretch your mind by being open and willing to explore other ideas.

No matter what generation you’re in, there is space to grow and learn. We kid about being stuck in a time warp but think about it, what if you really were? Pick an era you felt had it all. Quality of life, values, morals and easier way to go - whatever you feel gave it the advantage. Now, transport that person HERE, to this place and time. Imagine what it would feel like to be lost trying to navigate the modern conveniences of today. Technology, transportation, communication, you name it.

I have always been one to embrace new technology. Not an early adopter per se but my jobs have always made it necessary to be tech-savvy AND I’m naturally curious and not afraid of messing something up. Because of that, I’ve kept up pretty well. To give you some context, I believe computers were introduced during my senior year in high school and my first experience with the internet was data by the hour. I was before email or cell phones.

When cell phones were available they were car phones and I wasn’t about to get a car phone until I had a nice car to put it in which meant it was much later when I actually got my first phone. When text messaging became available I thought it was the silliest thing - kind of like when you could write shell or hello on a calculator.

Can you think of a gap you’ve had or witnessed? How have you been able to find a bridge?

Interactiveschools.com enlightens us with: GENERATION WHO? UNDERSTANDING THE TRENDS OF EACH GEN

Patrick Buggy helps us explore this idea with his article, Non-Judgment: What is it? And Why Does it Matter? (4 Benefits) found at mindfulambition.com

Susan Adcox informs us with What Research Says About the Generation Gap

Generational Differences and Their Causes found at verywellfamily.com

The Edu4Sure Team gives us 7 Ways To Bridge The Generation Gap found at edu4sure.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS: Bridging the Generational Gap An Understanding for All Ages

1. Be willing to stretch your mind by being open and willing to explore other ideas
2. It’s easy to pick judgment over understanding and acceptance.
3. Everything that we experience is filtered, categorized, and dealt with in some automatic way
4. Sometimes, these judgments are helpful. They can lead you to understand the things that bring you up, give you energy, and fill you with purpose.
5. Mindfulness presents an alternative to this vicious cycle in the form of non-judgment.
6. Setting down the judging mind, even for a short while, is a refreshing weight off of your shoulders.
7. To practice mindfulness is to make direct contact with the experience you’re having. Getting in touch with the actual experience itself is a freeing and peaceful state.
8. Today, although more Americans see generational differences, most do not see them as divisive.
9. According to the Pew study, all generations regard older Americans as superior in moral values, work ethic, and respect for others.
10. Connect, listen, understand, and encourage

CHALLENGE: to work together. Most conflict comes from a lack of understanding and why don’t we understand? Because we aren’t open to other ideas that conflict with our own and we aren’t listening. Today, be patient and look for more commonalities vs differences.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show... we are breaking free, removing the stronghold of stress, and finding relief. “How?” you say. “Cut to the chase!” you say. Well now, you know me better than that. I’m on this journey too. I might seem cool as a cucumber but I have my fair share of stress. Mostly self-inflicted but stress all the same. I don’t have to tell you that prolonged stress can have serious effects on your health and on your life. So outside of quitting your demanding job, putting your kids into boarding school, and giving all pets to the Sunnyside Farm over yonder somewhere - let’s explore the cause of your stress, what it may or may not be doing to you, and ways you can get some relief.

Let’s start with understanding a little more about stress. You might be overwhelmed, frustrated, tired, or cranky - but are you stressed?

Do you feel anxious when you can’t find something, get somewhere, or meet someone? Are you putting yourself into this predicament? Saying yes and not saying no?

It’s important on this journey not to lump it all together as just a stressful day. What about the day was stressful? Did you wake up that way or was there an event that triggered this feeling?

Dr. Elizabeth Scott helps us get started with her article for verywellmind.com: What Is Stress?

Arielle Tschinkel gives us 21 sneaky signs you're stressed — even if you think you aren't found at insider.com

Candi at inspiremystyle.com keeps the ideas coming with 10 Creative Ways to De-stress and Get Your Day Back on Track

KEY HIGHLIGHTS: The Stranglehold of Stress And How to Find Relief

1. My Grandpa told me if you don’t want to be late, leave a little early
2. The way you respond to stress makes a big difference to your overall well-being
3. Sometimes stress can come from an obvious source, but sometimes even small daily stresses from work, school, family, and friends can take a toll on your mind and body
4. In cases of chronic stress, the relaxation response doesn't occur often enough, and being in a near-constant state of fight-or-flight can cause damage to the body.
5. When you understand the toll stress takes on you and the steps to combat stress, you can take charge of your health and reduce the impact stress has on your life.
6. Discover how to live more mindfully throughout your day so you can become more awake and conscious throughout your life
7. You can NOT do everything and trying will eventually catch up with you.
8. It's scary but true: there are plenty of silent signs stress is making you sick, or just messing with your well-being in ways you aren't fully aware of.
9. Stress can have many detrimental impacts on your relationship, and they're often subtle, so you might not even realize that they're happening.
10. You have to be willing to say no and let some of those things weighing down your schedule, adding unnecessary pressure, and stealing your joy.

CHALLENGE: build in time to decompress and find joy. Be willing to let go of the need to do it all, break the stranglehold of stress, and experience relief. The long-term payoff is worth it!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we aren’t pretending to have all the answers or even the navigation tools to move on or get going in the right direction. We’re just trying to make sense of loss and move forward. Coping is an individual skill that everyone has to come to in their own time. You might crave comfort and support from family and friends and then again, you may want to retreat into your own cocoon until you are ready to face tomorrow. Loss also can describe a multitude of deprivation. You might be faced with a tragedy of biblical proportions or slowly losing something you cherish. We can grieve life-changing events as well as missed opportunities. All come with their own challenges and adjustment periods and neither should we judge ourselves harshly nor push ourselves to move too fast through the process. It’s important to encourage and nurture yourself as well as your friends and loved ones. Gentle reminder; we are all unique individuals and what you find sad, fun, outrageous, brilliant, or mad - may be slightly or radically different from others.

Encouragementology is about all of life’s challenges and loss is a big one. We all will and have dealt with grief at some point in our lives.

"The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief - But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love." Hillary Stanton Zunin

You only experience profound grief when you’ve experienced great love. Some say it’s the trade-off.

But that doesn’t really help one get through it. We can all agree: Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. - Alfred Lord Tennyson

As I said, we will be looking at all types of loss from different angles. But let’s start with the most shattering as an attempt to cover the heartbreaking first and work our way into the light. The loss of a loved one.

I found some thoughts for exploration at healgrief.org: Understanding Grief and Loss: An Overview

It will never get easy no matter how many books you read or podcasts you listen to. Losing someone you love is the hardest kind of loss which is why we covered it first. Unlike the stages of grief….we can move on in the show, just like that. SNAP

What about losing a relationship, albeit love, friendship, or colleague? This has its own set of challenges. You lose someone but they didn’t really go anywhere, just out of YOUR life.

Whether you were on the giving or receiving end - breaking up is hard to do. I’ve had my share of loss during my lifetime and the hardest part to me is the “what ifs” or the “what did I do’s”. You can go on an endless pursuit for something that will make sense and give answers where there are only questions. But is any of that real? It’s easier for us to fabricate that moment in time that the disillusionment happened than to accept that it’s just time to move on or that everyone isn’t supposed to be in your life forever but instead, come and go.

Surviving A Relationship Break-Up - Top 20 Strategies from Dr. Kim Maertz At the Mental Health Centre, University of Alberta

Amy Morin helps us with Healthy Coping Skills for Uncomfortable Emotions found at verywellmind.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS: Making Sense of Loss and Moving Forward

1. Gentle reminder; we are all unique individuals and what you find sad, fun, outrageous, brilliant, or mad - may be slightly or radically different from others.
2. You only experience profound grief when you’ve experienced great love.
3. There are no rules, no timetables, and no linear progression to overcoming grief
4. Your feelings are normal, and it’s important to remember that at some point, it will get better.
5. treat yourself with kindness, compassion, and without judgment. You have the right to grieve, and no one — including yourself — can tell you when it’s time to end that process.
6. Your mind and body are connected, and physical health helps with the emotional healing process.
7. If left untreated, both complicated grief and depression can lead to significant health problems, emotional damage, and more.
8. Healthy coping means both identifying these feelings and allowing ourselves to experience these feelings.
9. As we talk to supportive friends and family members, we can come to some new understandings and relieve some of our pain. Holding all of these negative feelings in just doesn’t work
10. When you’re feeling distressed, ask yourself, “Do I need to change my situation or do I need to find a way to better cope with the situation?”

CHALLENGE: be kind and gentle with yourself, lean in to support from friends and family, search for coping strategies that aid support without feeling rushed. Loss and the grief associated with it have no timeline but offer hope that it will get better.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we aren’t giving up but staying in there; focused and moving forward as we master the art of being politely persistent instead of pushy. Now that may come easy to you...OR you might be conjuring up a memory of being walked over, easily discounted, bossy, and demanding. Whichever seems like more your speed, finding a delicate balance can be difficult. Not to fear, we are going to walk through these behaviors to trying on what works best for you. The important part to remember is that you are in control of your own actions and reactions and that being your best and giving your all, is up to you. So many times we’re easily detoured at the first sign of resistance or we barrel through unannounced and unaware making sure the outcome is in our favor.

I’ve been in sales my whole adult life but even before I acquired those skills, I was born with a few of my own. The gift of gab, natural-born negotiation, and not easily accepting the word no. Yes, that one got me in trouble more than once. One of the things you learn as a salesperson is that “no” just means not now or that you might need to finesse your value proposition to better match the client’s needs, but that’s for another show. You also learn that being pushy or aggressive will get you shut down and shut out which is not a good place to be when you rely on a prospective client’s purchases today and in the future.

So it’s imperative that you find a balance, persistent but not pushy. I had a client tell me that about myself one time. I think I apologized for continuing to push him and he said “you are politely persistent, not pushy”. What a relief and it’s something that has stuck with me since.

Alex Smirnov gives us the Top 6 Lessons You'll Learn from Working in Sales found at badgermapping.com

Here’s an example of his technique found at changingminds.org

Z.Hereford explains The Power of Persistence found at essentiallifeskills.net

Carolyn Steber sheds a light on 9 Habits You Don't Realize Can Make You Seem Overbearing found at bustle.com Carolyn Steber sheds a light on 9 Habits You Don't Realize Can Make You Seem Overbearing found at bustle.com

We are going to finish up with 6 Ways to Persuade Without Being Pushy from Kevin Daum found at inc.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS -

1. We “sell” in everything we do. We sell people on our ideas, we negotiate terms, we follow up, and we close deals.
2. Developing networking and strong interpersonal skills early helps you get ahead in every area of life.
3. By listening more than you talk, you learn how to ask the right questions at the right time.
4. Only you can move you, forward.
5. One of the ways you can prepare for setbacks and obstacles is to anticipate potential problems and have a contingency plan.
6. When we are overwhelmed with a problem or difficulty, we don't have time to develop the persistence necessary to deal with a particular obstacle or setback.
7. Despite any old adage you may have heard and believed, you can always learn something new.
8. It can be tough to tell the difference between true assertiveness and habits that come off as too pushy, since they can both deal with getting what you want, telling people what you think, and having things go your way.
9. When people are being assertive [...] they are expressing their needs in direct, open, honest ways while still being respectful of the other person's needs and preferences
10. You have to put yourself out there again and again. The best way to improve is to fail. You'll learn from your mistakes and become better

CHALLENGE: be willing to commit to self-discovery as you become more aware of what you think, how you react, and how it’s perceived. Be diligent in your pursuit making polite persistence the goal instead of pushy.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are walking a fine line and exploring a delicate balance as we find our voices while embracing our silence. Choices... aren’t you glad you have choices? Now if we could just figure out the right cadence, the appropriate timing, and the relevance of it all. You might have heard, "if you want something you have to speak up and demand it" but then you may have also heard, "you get more bees with honey". No matter which way you turn, you can find a quote validating your decision.

"Where you see wrong or inequality or injustice, speak out, because this is your country. This is your democracy. Make it. Protect it. Pass it on." -Thurgood Marshall.

“Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid”. - Bernard Meltzer

“Silence is a source of great strength”. Lao Tzu

When you consider whether to speak up or to remain silent or somewhere in between, you have to consider a few factors:

Timing - is this the appropriate time for you to insert your opinion or defend your idea?

Relevancy - is what you’re saying relevant to the conversation, climate, or the hour?

Origin - where did this idea originate? From a place of kindness or retaliation?

Outcome - what are you hoping to gain with your input? To prove a point, further the conversation, share knowledge, or lobby acceptance.

That might sound insane to have to go through that filtering system before you speak but let’s sit back and think about it for a minute. We have all been guilty of speaking before thinking. Letting our emotions or thirst for justification, get the better of us or walked away from a conversation wishing we would have kept our mouth shut.

Building in a moment to pause….and think, could make all the difference.

To get us started I wanted to share a word by Dan Cumberland - The Secret To Finding Your Voice...found at meaning movement.com Such great insight into his revelation on the subject.

Brittany Johnson shares 7 Things To Remember When You're Scared To Speak Up

Found at nbcwashington.com

Greg Savva sheds some light on the feel of Powerlessness found at couseling-direcory.org

Over at emindful.com, I found Three Ways to Help You Speak Up and Convey Your Thoughts

KEY HIGHLIGHTS: Finding Your Voice And Embracing Your Silence

1. When you find your voice, you don’t find some new thing inside of you; instead, you find a little more of you.
2. “Finding your voice” is a misleading name for this process. The real work is wondering why you don’t like what you already have to say.
3. One thing I’m learning is to let everyone establish their own level of comfort. It’s not up to me to make people comfortable.
4. Most social conflicts between good people start with bad communication or no communication.
5. The right words can be incredibly healing.
6. You are as powerful as the meaningful ideas you share with others, and you are as wise as the selective silence you leave behind.
7. Without fully knowing how your words will be received and what kind of effect they might have - should you be so free with them?
8. Sometimes finding the will to voice our opinion is challenging because we’re worried it isn’t in the majority
9. Taking time to connect to our values also can motivate us to share our opinion – even when they might not be popular.
10. When it comes to expressing our needs, sometimes timing is as important as knowing what to say.

CHALLENGE: take a moment to assess and decide what is best for you and the situation. Your words are powerful and when used appropriately they can inspire, soothe, and encourage. Filter negativity and speak up with authority or stay silent with intention.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...it’s all in the eye of the beholder. From your line of vision, are you on the ground staring at what can only be described as an unsurmountable mess of chaos, stress, and todos OR are you feeling the fresh air of victory as you look down and survey all you’ve accomplished and what might be your next move? Transportation from one visual to the next is within your power and your perspective. You might have heard it before “the day starts and ends with you”. This mantra isn’t announcing your logistical whereabouts but instead describing your power over perception. The start and particularly your positive or negative acceptance are up to you. And at the end of the day, it’s YOU who describes the sentiment of the day. Was it a good day or a bad day….only you know. You have the power to move mountains with what you expect, what you project, and what you accept.

I have been talking about Encouragementology - the practice of instilling hope, for over 5 years. It started with the revelation of encouragement and how that affects all creatures. Investing one’s time, empathy, and positive energy can have a profound impact on the universe. Encouragement shouldn’t be watered down to a “go gettum” mantra or a slogan like “just do it”. It’s important to understand what appropriate encouragement looks like and the power one produces when delivering authentic encouragement.

I produced a couple of talks recently and it dawned on me; an overarching theme for everything I’ve ever talked about is Power & Perspective. I’m on a mission to help people understand the power they possess to rule over their lives. The golden combination includes one’s perspective. With just a slight shift in perspective, your mental location can go from base camp to scaling the summit. And back….and back again.

Words Can Change Your Brain -according to Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman, words can literally change your brain. Written by Therese J. Borchard and found at pschcentral.com

Stacy Weibe gives us WAYS TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS found at thelife.com

Patrick Buggy shines more light on this idea in The Power of Perception: Change Your Narrative, Change Your Life found at mindfulambition.com

I found some interesting ideas at Mental Health America, mhanational.org - Getting Out of Thinking Traps

Giving us solutions instead of problems is Elizabeth Burke with: How to Take Back Your Power & Regain Control Over Your Life found at empoweredtherapy.org

KEY HIGHLIGHTS -Moving Mountains, Power & Perspective

1. You have the power to move mountains with what you expect, what you project, and what you accept.
2. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can change your brain.
3. A positive view of yourself will bias you toward seeing the good in others, whereas a negative self-image will include you toward suspicion and doubt.
4. It doesn’t have to be a premeditated act of kindness to be encouraging.
5. The sheer fact that you have a choice is another way to demonstrate your power.
6. since life’s events aren’t imbued with universal meaning, you get to choose how you feel about things. You are in control of your life’s narrative!
7. your energy is not dictated by the randomness of life’s happening
8. When you understand that life’s events don’t carry universal meaning, your enthusiasm and energy are not held captive by the randomness of life’s events.
9. Investing time in another human being can pay the most rewarding dividends.
10. You have resources around you, a mouth to ask for help, a mind that can deliver patience, and the ability to soothe your stress. You are not powerless.

CHALLENGE: Recognize your power to choose perception, affect change, ignite positivity, and spread encouragement. Going from base camp to summit is all within your reach.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we’re keeping both eyes wide open as we hit FEAR head-on. That’s right, we are standing up to fear, pushing it back, and delivering an ultimatum; show you’re worth in our lives or get to packin’. No longer will we let the stronghold of fear hold us back from who we were meant to be, what we were meant to do, and where we were meant to go. Fear has a middle name; acceptance and that one has to go to. We aren’t accepting that because this is the way it’s always been, this is the way it will always be. Hogwash! I don’t know about you but I deserve more and won’t settle for settling. Even if we can’t snap our finger and dissolve fear into dust we CAN make a commitment, right now, to each other that we will take a step forward to finding the why, the what, and the how.

Many types of fear are natural. It’s what causes our body to react and take action so a healthy dose is positive and crucial to survival. We’ll be digging into the mechanics of that as we go along. There is also a decent amount of irrational fears. Like fear of spiders, Junebugs, or balloons. These fears creep up on you and no matter what you tell yourself…” Kendall, it’s a balloon, a child’s party favor, how on earth can that hurt you?” your body still reacts on its own assumptions.

But the fear we are going to dive into is the persistent fear that cripples you from achieving your true potential or even a normal life. The one that smothers you in self-doubt, anxiety, and shame. That feeling who’s unwelcomed visits come at the worst possible times.

Arash Javanbakht and Linda Saab tell us What Happens in the Brain When We Feel Fear found at smithsonianmag.com

Dr. Matt James takes us 6 steps further with 6 Signs That Fear is Holding You Back found at psychologytoday.com

Have you ever heard of the “power of suggestion?” Maybe you’ve heard, “what you seek you shall find?” Fear can be easily handed to us as an ember and with a little fuel, we can have a full-on fire that is out of control. The media is notorious for sending out spark after spark. But in the power of suggestion is also your power of perception. You can reject these notions and do your own discovery. You can push back, unplug, and step away. Shock and awe have always sold better than oohs and awwwes.

Dr. Deborah Serani. A licensed psychologist and the award-winning author of "Living with Depression," "Depression and Your Child: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers" and "Depression in Later Life" exposes this phenomenon with If It Bleeds, It Leads: Understanding Fear-Based Media found at psychologytoday.com

Dr. Theo Tsaousides provides some insight into 12 Common Fears That Keep Us Stuck - These everyday fears can be scarier than snakes and spiders. Found at psychologytoday.com

So, what are you afraid of? If you’ve literally been afraid to find out, you might not yet know. Oh, you get that panicky feeling that comes out of nowhere but instead of trying to identify the root cause you’ve been focusing on your reaction to it. Sounds reasonable. But no one gets anywhere without taking a step forward.

Dr. Theo Tsaousides provides some insight into 12 Common Fears That Keep Us Stuck - These everyday fears can be scarier than snakes and spiders. Found at psychologytoday.com

Leo Babauta outlines A Guide to Beating the Fears That Are Holding You Back found on zenhabits.com

KEY HIGHLIGHTS - FEAR FOR EVERY AND ANY REASON

1. When we are able to recognize what is and isn’t a real threat, relabel an experience and enjoy the thrill of that moment, we are ultimately at a place where we feel in control.
2. Abnormal levels of fear and anxiety can lead to significant distress and dysfunction and limit a person’s ability for success and joy of life.
3. Fear sees only the downside
4. Give yourself time and space to hear other voices besides fear’s in any decision.
5. In the power of suggestion is also your power of perception
6. Remember that you have the power to turn off the remote, leave a website, or change the radio station.
7. First, acknowledge your fear. This is a huge first step.
8. Take control over it by writing it down. It is now outside you.
9. Recognize that you’re not alone, that we ALL have these fears, that we all think we might not be good enough.
10. Be in the moment. Fear of failure (and other similar fears) are fears of the future

CHALLENGE: to control your fears by understanding them. There is power in knowledge and your own perception. When armed, fight back to remove their stronghold. Freedom from fear holds your victory.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we’re making eye contact and exploring deeper as we look in the mirror to see past the reflection. Maybe you have all the confidence a person can exude, top of your game, celebrating you in your own skin. But chances are, as tough as you present yourself to be, there are times when weakness wins and self-doubt and criticism creep in. Some of the strongest people you may think you know are dealing with self-esteem issues that at times are crippling. Following the mottos “never let them see your sweat” and “always put your best foot forward”, these struggles can be private and lonely. Suffering in silence and desperately seeking self-love. Today, we’re coming clean, being honest with ourselves, and showing a bit of vulnerability. Today, we are going deeper and looking for more.

This can be a heavy subject, I mean, self-love is kind of complicated. To some it may sound like this eutopia or mirage; something we should all be striving for but secretly know we’ll never get there. It can also feel like a blanket statement…” you need to love yourself”. What does that really mean? Not to be too practical but goal setting is only successful if you can create goals that are meaningful to you, are something you are truly interested in pursuing, and have some level of attainability. Shouldn’t self-love be the same?

Maybe we need to get more specific. In order to do that, we need to see where our hangups lie. Pushing against that idea you either love or hate yourself, maybe it’s more granular than that. You love certain aspects, aren’t fond of others, and downright loathe a few.

Dr. Shainna Ali gets us started with an important perspective - What Self-Love Isn’t - Four concepts that you're confusing with self-love. Found at psycologytoday.com

Exerts from the content: To help clarify, let’s be clear on what self-love is not.

• Entitlement
• Selfishness
• Sinful
• An Excuse

Sometimes we get self-love and self-care intertwined to the point that we confuse a long bubble bath and a pedicure with mental health and happiness. More pedi’s fewer pity parties. Don’t get me wrong, a good soak for your feet or your whole self is not a bad thing and does lead to relaxation and a warm happy feeling but remember, we are looking past the reflection and going deeper. There is more that makes up this recipe of natural self-love...the love of yourself, mind, body, and spirit. The unique characteristics that make you, you. Your special gifts, points of view, and deep-seated morals.

Not as easy as it sounds but anything worth having is going to take some effort.

Independent.ie echos this same sentiment in their article: Love thyself: Practising self-love isn't as easy as it sounds

Exerts from the content:

Louise Hay, author of the best-selling You Can Heal Your Life, and founder of publishing company Hay House, died at age 90 years old.

As one of the most prominent figures in the self-development movement, Hay wrote dozens of books and dispensed plenty of wisdom, yet her philosophy almost always came back to the transformative power of self-love. As she said herself: "I found that there is only one thing that heals every problem, and that is: to love yourself."

I just started growing a garden. I know, I know, I’m a little late to the game. I’ve always had a self-proclaimed black thumb, realizing air plants don’t in fact eat air, they still need water to survive. Who knew?? At any rate, I’m excited by this newfound adventure of growing my own healthy and organic food!

A packet of seeds is where it all starts. Each little individual seed is planted in the earth. Spaced out with room to grow. From here it takes nature cooperating, ie sun, rain, and descent temps. But it also takes me filling in the gaps. Noticing when they are dry, attracting bugs, getting overshadowed by weeds, or plucked up by a bunny. Most importantly….patience. Some will pop through the soil faster than others, some will be hearty, and some will take more time and care. Some will yield produce and some won’t make it. How will I adjust my process to produce a better outcome next time?

At this point….you’re ready to move into problem-solving mode right? What can we do to cultivate more love for ourselves? Nurture our seeds to produce a healthy crop. Well, remember the garden and patience?

First, Tara Well explains What the Mirror Can Teach You About Yourself: Advice from a Mirror Gazing Expert found out mindful.org

Exerts from the content:

Mirrors can evoke strong feelings in us – and they can also be incredibly powerful tools for changing our perspective and seeing parts of ourselves that are usually hidden as we look out into the world.

Instead of searching outside myself for people, places, and things that would distract me from negative emotions or self-criticism, I used the mirror to face myself and ground myself by simply looking into my own eyes with compassion. I found the mirror was a great way to work out my emotions, too.

Ok, Tara...I for one am going to take this challenge! It truly is a challenge for me. There are so many things I appreciate about myself. My laugh (as obnoxious as it may sound to others) it’s genuine and comes from the heart. I love that I find a lot of things humorous, including myself! I like my smile for some of the same reasons. I smile a lot because I’m engaged and intrigued or amused. I’m curious and enjoy connecting and encouraging - all these things bring out my smile which is a window to my soul. I love my curious mind, the way it cares, observes, problem-solves, and prompts my body to take action. It lights up when I can brainstorm, especially with others!

I like my courage and the fact that I’m bold. I approach everything I do with the mindset that I DO have the ability it takes to succeed. I’m not afraid to try and fail and I appreciate that my failures provide motivation instead of crushing my bold spirit.

I’m tough on myself when it comes to my body and my lack of motivation to push it harder. I am a firm believer that if you want something to happen you make it happen instead of willing it to do so YET each morning I stare at myself with harsh judgment and shame. I brought three beautiful souls into this world but instead of celebrating that miracle when I look at myself, I only see what happened as a result. Shallow? Well sure...normal? You betcha.

Darlene Lancer bails us out with 7 Ways to Cultivate Self-Love found at psycentral.com

• Exerts from the content:
• Self-Acceptance
• Self-forgiveness
• Self-Appreciation
• Loving Actions
• Practicing Gratitude
• Self-Love Visualizations

KEY HIGHLIGHTS

1. All too often we seek love from others, before looking within.
2. . A critical component in self-love is recognizing your limits, needs, and worth, and asserting intrapersonal and interpersonal boundaries as needed to uphold them.
3. "I found that there is only one thing that heals every problem, and that is: to love yourself."
4. Remember, radical self-love isn't a bumper sticker or a fridge magnet saying. It's a paradigm shift that is as challenging as it is rewarding.
5. patience, care, mindfulness, modification, and commitment are all necessary and can be applied to all mile markers on your journey.
6. kinder self-awareness is the key to breaking free from the inner critic and the external world that stokes our fears and anxieties that we are never safe, never good enough, and never have enough.
7. We are all born innocent and worthy of love.
8. Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
9. Self-acceptance is greater than self-esteem, and self-acceptance paves the way for self-love
10. fulfilling our needs and wants is an act of self-love that lifts our spirits. It’s a key to happiness that calms and revitalizes us.

CHALLENGE: Ready your soil by taking time to cultivate self-love. Plant your seeds; wants, needs, and desires firmly with a commitment to make yourself a priority. Enjoy your harvest, a true reflection of your soul.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we will raise our hand when called, sitting up straight, and being present as we transport ourselves in the NOW. How many hours in the day do you spend rehashing a time past; fond memories, past mistakes, lost loves, easier times, or devastating tragedies? Maybe you focus on time travel as you brainstorm about the future; better times, new ventures, finally arriving, potential love, or the right recipe to finally achieving happiness. Wherever you are today, why not try the here and now. Today, at the moment, as it happens….the art of being present. Is it possible to live life without expectations? Relying on who you are today to get you through the hour. So many minutes, hours, days, months, years are spent mentally traveling through time instead of drinking in the special moments made in the NOW.

I for one struggle with the NOW. I’m busy, busy, always planning and doing and before I know it, a whole day has gone by and I’m exhausted. I love to brainstorm new ideas and make grand plans. What could be? For me, these aren’t just pipedreams but in most cases, something I activate and add to my plate.

Meditation always seemed to slow. I would sit there waiting for something to happen and my mind would be in a million different places. The first time I tried yoga I thought the same thing - this isn’t exercise! Before that rubs you the wrong way I now know my line of thinking was all skewed. I kept thinking I was supposed to be pushing myself, huffing and puffing. Then one day I was able to relax my mind and concentrate on what I was doing at the moment and I found it both challenging and relaxing.

The relaxing part for me was giving my mind a break. I’ve always said if mind racing burnt calories I would be in such great shape haha. I have yet to be consistent with anything but burning the candle at both ends but this IS something I strive for. So here, in the now, I’m saying it to all of you. My goal is to create more moments throughout my day to give my mind a treat, relax, and just BE.

Gunjan Johar lays out the timeline of Past, Present, Future: Where Do You Spend Your Time? In her article for medium.com

Exerts from the content:

Some people focus on what “should” have happened or what “should” happen instead of on what “is” happening. They blame others for slights that occurred decades ago and unfortunately, they are usually the only one who remembers this. They have difficulty forgiving others or themselves and this prevents them from letting go and moving forward in a healthy manner.

No matter what your situation, you always have the option to change. We are all able to restart our life if we make the decision to do so, but your way of thinking has to change.

I realize letting go of an old way of thinking may not be as easy as it sounds. “Just let go” or “get over it!” - our minds have a nasty habit of running away with our thoughts and the logical you, feels like you’re chasing it down saying “HEY give that back!”. But there are ways to start the process of asserting more control.

And that may be where you are on your journey. You’ve hit the mile marker of starting to become more aware of these habits in order to make a shift. Perfect. Let’s start there…

Darius Foroux gives us a tactic with Past, Present, and Future: Use Time Perspectives to Live Better found at dariusforoux.com

Exerts from the content:

The 3-time perspectives of the human mind

Past, Present, and Future

The 1/9/90 principle of time perspectives

1% past-focused: I take about 15 minutes a day to journal. But I don’t just think about the past when I journal. I try to occasionally reflect on the past to learn.

9% future-focused: This is the time I dedicate to planning and thinking about the future. I always want to be aware of the fact that life can be long. For example, I spend time creating fitness routines and buying healthy food because I know that’s better for future-me.

90% present-focused: This is when I execute my plans and the time I spend enjoying my days. While I might plan only 9% of the time, the actual work happens here: Working out, writing, reading, doing chores, eating, traveling, and so forth. I don’t want to be lost in thought when I do these things.

It’s hard to embrace the joy of the NOW when you believe your best times have already come and gone. Remember the “easier times” you know - before bills, responsibility, complicated relationships, children. The time in your life when it was all about you.

Tim Hill explains; Why Am I Always Thinking About The Past? In his article found at timhillpsychotherapy.com

Exerts from the content:

Introspection can lead you to learn more about yourself.

Rumination – regret and ‘wheel spinning'

Telling the difference between rumination and introspection

• If you feel that you are drawing lessons from the past, or enjoying the past then it's more likely that you're being introspective. On the other hand, if your thoughts about the past are full of regrets and bitterness, or your thoughts have a repetitive automatic quality, it's likely that you are ruminating.

Visualizing yourself where you want to be and what you want to be doing is important in creating goals and harnessing the motivation to reach them. But where is the balance? Remember talking about the pendulum swing from extreme to the extreme? In all things, a healthy balance is an ultimate goal.

Author Claudia Hammond exposes the behavior of; Why You're Spending Time Thinking About the Future in the Present found at ttbook.org

Listen to the show for this wonderful perspective

Art Markman helps in this exploration with; These are the times when thinking about the future is unproductive - in his article for fastcompany.com

• PREDICTION IS HARD
• ADAPTATION IS KEY
• BALANCE DREAMS WITH WORK

KEY HIGHLIGHTS

1. Create more moments throughout your day to give your mind a treat, relax, and just BE.
2. When your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are devoted to the past or the future, you are robbing today!
3. You cannot reach your potential and make good choices if you are trying to resolve issues from the past or predict the future.
4. Sometimes people focus all their energy on what hasn’t even happened yet.
5. Awareness of time perspectives helps you enjoy your days, learn from the past, and shape a better future.
6. Ultimately, we all want to make the best use of our time. So no matter what you do, don’t wait for life to bring you joy, clarity, or purpose.
7. Rumination -rather than being a way out of problems, it's often a way to replay our failures and torture ourselves.
8. Visualizing yourself where you want to be and what you want to be doing is important in creating goals and harnessing the motivation to reach them.
9. One of the things people think about the future is that they will have more spare time. And there is no evidence that we'll have any more spare time in the future.
10. Just about every success story also involves a lot of hard work.

CHALLENGE: take ownership over your mental mind travel to find a healthy balance of past, present, and future. Set your sights on letting go of what has already happened to make room for what is yet to go. Add action to your daydreaming so you can spend the majority of your time in the NOW, enjoying life as it unfolds.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are examining the pendulum swing; going from happy to hopeless...and back. This swing could play out over a lifetime or it could feel like it happens in an instant, over and over. Emotions are a tricky thing and unique to you. We aren’t talking about what is “normal” we are talking about what’s going on with you or someone you know. The good thing about a swing is that it will come around again so in some cases it’s about weathering the storm, reaching out for support and comfort, and trusting in your ability to right the ship. Ultimately, YOU have power over your thoughts and reactions, and even when it feels like you’ve lost all control and your emotional rollercoaster is taking too long in the dips, you still have options. Just recognizing that this isn’t the way you want to live is the first step...on this show, we’ll talk through the others.

So let’s check in with ourselves and be honest, how fast does your pendulum swing? Today we are talking about Happy to Hopeless but you might find calm to anxious, sweet to sour, agreeable to angry...you fill in the blanks. Your emotions are anything but even keel, calm, or consistent.

All those highs and lows have left you wondering what the heck is going on and feeling like a mess. Must be the way you’re wired right? Something you learned from the people who demonstrated that kind of behavior first or as a result of something or someone.

Most of us accept and justify our own behavior blaming others or promise to work on it someday. Or better yet, claim to be “working on it” without a clue as to why or how. As a result, one minute you’re on top of the world, loving life, and the next thing you know, nothing is going right now or ever will.

To be clear, I am in no way making light of depression or acting as if “choosing happy” is the answer. Hopefully, we will touch on all points to give some new insight. But if you’re listening and feeling hopeless and unable to find a way out - please reach out, there are resources that will help get you through this dark time in your life. Don’t suffer in silence.

Maybe this is a new and confusing time in your life and you’re still trying to figure out what you’re dealing with.

Jennifer Barry helps clarify with: Common symptoms of depression: What to know in her article for medicalnewstoday.com

Exerts from the content

While anyone can experience some of these symptoms from time to time, a doctor will only diagnose depression when a certain cluster of symptoms appear, and they persist for 2 weeks or longer.

1. Feeling sad or empty
2. Feeling hopeless or helpless
3. Feeling worthless
4. Feeling excessively guilty
5. No interest or pleasure in activities
6. Anger and irritability6. Anger and irritability
7. Feeling tired and a loss of energy
8. Insomnia or lack of sleep
9. Difficulty concentrating, remembering, and making decisions
10. Lack of appetite
11. Overeating and weight gain
12. Aches, pains, and physical symptoms
13. Thoughts of death or suicide

So many factors combine to determine our moods and our abilities to effectively manage them.

Our age….learning and growing, striking out on our own, trying to make ends meet can be scary and overwhelming. I remember when I unlatched from my family and was flying solo - oh I thought I knew everything. I wanted to be the boss and make all my own decisions until the first hiccup and then I wanted to run back to the nest. Being responsible is terrifying when you are first starting out.

What about managing life, love, work, and family - holy cow there is only so much time in the day and it feels like we spend most of it at work! Everyone wants something from you AND at the same time. So many plates spinning and you’re petrified that you’ll drop one and people will figure out that you really don’t have it all together.

The kids move out, the house is empty, no one is asking questions or consulting you when big decisions are made. New blood comes into your workplace and you feel less important, your thoughts and ideas are “old school”, everyone’s making plans to slow down but you don’t feel accomplished yet...where did the time go?

You’re old….how in the world did that happen. Looking back it feels like it happened overnight. When you were young you thought about this day but it felt like forever away and now you’re here. Your 9-5 has come to an end, you have all the time in the world to do something cool but what? You don’t feel as good or as motivated as you once did. All you wanted was some peace and quiet and now you have an endless supply and it’s lonely. You remember when you couldn’t find an hour of free time in your schedule and now you wish you could find one hour of fun and togetherness.

No matter where you are in your life, your perspective is everything. Hope is the first syllable of Hopeless….so let’s focus on turning things around and sending that pendulum back the other way.

Amy Morin gives us 9 Things to Do If You Feel Hopeless in her article for verywellmind.com

Exerts from the content:

Consider That Your Brain Might Be Lying to You

But just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Your thoughts may be distorted, inaccurate, or downright wrong.

Argue the Opposite -When you feel hopeless, you’ll likely think about all the reasons why nothing will ever get better. So take a few minutes to argue the opposite.

How To Be Happy Again: 15 Tips To Rediscover Your Happiness - found at aconsciousrethink.com

Exerts from the content:

If you want to be happy again, it suggests that you were happy at some point in the past. The first step to finding that happiness again is to ask when and why you stopped feeling happy.

If you focus too much on happiness as an outcome, you will often find it harder to achieve that outcome. Happiness erupts spontaneously when the conditions are right.

Determine the recipe for your happiness and you will be better equipped to fill your life with the right ingredients

KEY HIGHLIGHTS:

1. Remember. there is understanding to be had, responsibility to be claimed, and new ideas to embrace.
2. Many factors combine to determine our moods and our abilities to effectively manage them.
3. No matter where you are in your life, your perspective is everything
4. Just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Your thoughts may be distorted, inaccurate, or downright wrong.
5. Arguing the opposite might just open your brain up to the idea that things may not be as gloomy as you’re anticipating.
6. Sometimes, you have to change your behavior first and the feelings might follow.
7. There’s always something you can do to make things a little better or to help yourself feel a little better.
8. I’ve learned from life that sometimes the darkest times can bring us to the brightest places
9. Sometimes the very act of striving to be happy is what stands in the way of happiness.
10. When you feel healthy, you are able to extract every last drop of goodness and happiness out of a situation.

CHALLENGE: recognize the swing of the pendulum and take action on finding the root of the problem. Argue the opposite as you push back on old perceptions embracing new perspectives. Remember, you can make it through whatever comes next.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are getting out of our own way, changing our narrative, and going from self-sabotage and criticism to self-love. Isn’t it time we end the war with ourselves? We can adopt all the media mantras; find gratitude, choose kindness, live, laugh, love...all the while, twisted in a love-hate relationship with ourselves. What do others see when they look at you? What do they mention when describing you or giving you a compliment? Is that even what you’re struggling with? My guess is no. We secretly despise things about ourselves that no one even gives a second glance or thought about. This creates self-doubt which interrupts our daily climb providing detour after detour. STOP….ok you’re at a stop sign and have the option of going left or right.

What blinker do you have on? Remember, the stop sign, the option of left or right? Let me help you out. Turn left promises hairpin curves, unexpected stops, steep inclines, followed by a rush of excitement as you make your hands-free descent (wait that might be a roller-coaster but you get the visual)...this is your journey to self-discovery. Each milestone offers rest and a scenic overlook onto freedom. Freedom from what you’ve been putting in front of your true potential.

Now, if you chose to go right you have a little more control because the path is familiar, straight away followed by a loop to repeat it over and over. Full of the potholes, and road-closed signs you’ve created along the way. You can pick up your speed here because you can predict when you will brake, skid, or run off the road. Predictable but far from safe.

So what’s it going to be? Is it time in your life to start doing things differently? What productive and positive thing has self-loathing and doubt ever produced in your life? Then why on earth do you protect it so fiercely?

Jo Barrington gives us a window into your CRITICAL INNER VOICE on Self-Loathing in an article she wrote for psychalive.com

Exerts from the content:

Self-loathing is that underlying feeling that we are just not good: not good enough, not good at this, not good at that, not good at – or for –much of anything.

The proper viewpoint toward yourself should be one of friendship. Think about yourself and treat yourself as you would a close friend; respectfully and with affection.

Becoming aware that a division exists within us allows for a more rational, reasonable assessment of events in our daily lives. Once we have identified this process as being different from honest self-reflection, we are then able to think more objectively about ourselves and the various situations we encounter.

Could it be as easy as changing our narrative? Sounds easy enough but the problem is so much of what we see is deeply rooted and continues to bubble up subconsciously. However, you can put yourself back at the crossroad but take control STOP. No longer am I going to listen to that broken record. Instead, I’m turning left and will begin to untangle the web of lies I tell myself by pushing back and challenging those beliefs. I do have a purpose, I am beautiful, I deserve good things in my life.

Rory MacKay explains more about this in his article: Is It Time to Change Your Story? Found at unbrokenself.com

Exerts from the content:

Our stories determine our entire experience of reality. They shape our personality, thoughts, feelings, behavior, and worldview.

Make no mistake, the story you tell yourself about yourself is what will ultimately make or break you. So, is it a positive or a negative story?

If we view ourselves as helpless and downtrodden and at the mercy of an unjust and cruel world, we’re defeated from the very start. We’ll feel powerless and lost.

I would like to remember the specific day where I realized that enough was enough and I needed to find a new way. The day I learned I didn’t have all the answers yet but that there was so much more to learn. I keep racking my brain but I’m not sure it boils down to one major life event.

Someday, somehow, I realized, there is more to learn and much to love. I just had to get out of my own way!

Crystal Raypole opens our eyes about How Self-Sabotage Holds You Back in her article for healthline.com

Exerts from the content:

“How does this keep happening to me?”

You can sabotage yourself in a number of ways. Some are obvious, but others are a bit harder to recognize.

• Blaming others when things go wrong
• Choosing to walk away when things don’t go smoothly
• Procrastination
• Dating people who aren’t right for you
• Trouble stating your needs
• Fear of Failure
• Need for control

KEY HIGHLIGHTS

1. No matter what circumstances you find yourself in, a nasty point of view toward yourself is never warranted.
2. You are powerful in your own right, free to choose any point of view or course of action available to you.
3. Challenging the tendency toward self-loathing is one of the most valuable uses of our time and energy.
4. No longer am I going to listen to that broken record. Instead, I’m turning left and will begin to untangle the web of lies I tell myself but pushing back and challenging those beliefs.
5. Whatever your life has been, and whatever role you’ve inadvertently cast yourself, it’s essential to recognize that you are the King or Queen of your own story.
6. It’s time to recognize that and see yourself as the hero that you are.
7. There’s nothing wrong with moving on from situations that don’t meet your needs.
8. When you give up before you’ve put in much effort, you may not learn how to make different choices in the future.
9. Wanting to avoid failure can lead you to avoid trying. If you don’t try, you can’t fail, right?
10. Practicing mindfulness, or nonjudgmental awareness of your thoughts and behaviors in the present moment can also help.

CHALLENGE: Recognize the crossroad and come to a complete stop. Before you choose your direction make a commitment to let go of past behaviors and be willing to embrace a new perspective. Challenge the negative narrative with “not today” - today I’m turning left and continuing my journey to self-discovery.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are getting honest with ourselves, opening the other eye, and asking a tough question; are we flexible, agreeable, or bending to please? You might identify with being easy-going or having a go-with-the-flow attitude. Never causing any waves and always blending in. Sounds nice and very agreeable but what if you are flexing and bending your belief systems, stepping out of your comfort zone, and compromising your values to please someone else? We all want to fit in and be accepted to some degree. Sometimes that degree is off the charts as we lose our identity in the endless pursuit for validation. How can we have it all; fit in and self-assert? It’s not as delicate of a balance as you might think. It starts with removing fear. When you operate from a place of how others MIGHT judge and criticize you, you lose your authenticity. What makes you, YOU. Let’s find that person and see what they have to say.

I always thought I was easy-going. Able to just relax and go with the flow. Matt cleared that up for me by reminding me of my lists, and schedules, and a need for “a plan”. Ok ok - he’s right. Maybe the word I was searching for was flexible or agreeable. I like people to be comfortable. I want to say YES more than I say no. I just want to make everyone happy…...oops, yep I just crossed the line.

I am a people pleaser. I never really identified with that term or the fact that it may not be a good thing. Who wouldn’t want to please people? What’s the alternative, make people mad? I definitely shy away from confrontation and I feel a little anxiety if anyone is in an uncomfortable spot. This might seem super emphatic but I have learned over the years that balance in everything, is everything. Even in our emotions.

Dr. Margie Warrell gives us a little more clarity in her article for forbes.com; Are You Too Agreeable? 7 Strategies To Push Back Without Coming Off Pushy

1. Distinguish position from person
2. Offer a solution
3. Back up your position
4. State the business case
5. Inquire before advocating
6. Yes and…
7. Concede defeat graciously

We all have ideas and things that are important to us. This is what shapes who we are. When we clone ourselves, taking on the likes and actions of others as a way to “fit in” we lose our unique identity. I can speak from a place of experience. I have been guilty of this more than once. It wasn’t a conscious effort. True people-pleasing or codependency is a deeply rooted, compulsive behavior. In the early stages of self-discovery, you may have zero ideas of what you’re doing you just know it isn’t working. You feel miserable, misunderstood, and never good enough. Trying to be someone you’re not is exhausting.

But what if you let your guard down and just did you? Easier said than done and if you’ve spent the better part of your life being what you felt others wanted you to be, you may not even know who you are!

Doesn’t finding you and releasing your thoughts and opinions without fear, seem like a worthwhile leg of your journey?

Crystal Raypole shows us How to Stop People-Pleasing (and Still Be Nice) in an article she wrote for healthline.com

Recognizing the signs

Still not sure if you’re a people pleaser or just extremely kind to others? Here’s a look at some telltale signs of people-pleasing.

• You have a low opinion of yourself
• You need others to like you
• It’s hard for you to say “no”
• You apologize or accept fault when you aren’t to blame
• You’re quick to agree, even when you don’t really agree
• You struggle with authenticity
• You’re a giver - do you give with a goal of being liked?
• You don’t have any free time
• Arguments and conflict upset you

If you identify with this behavior it’s a good thing to uncover no matter what your age and stage in life. You can live free by recognizing the characteristics, getting honest with yourself, and being willing to overcome the fear.

Remember when I said “deeply rooted compulsive behavior” - it’s still there for me. Just under the surface and if I fall into former behaviors, it rears its head and I can be spinning out of control with this need to control and fix.

I love coaching on codependency because it helps me to hear it over and over and it wasn’t until I got free that I became fully aware of how this behavior altered my perception and controlled my life.

I’m honest with Matt and he understands that it does come from an honest place of love, however misguided. He gently reminds me when I’m starting to spin. I can’t tell you what that means to me. Not throwing it up in my face, criticizing me, or making me feel like I’m crazy. He patiently reminds me that “I don’t need to worry about that”. Just that easy. It’s the wake-up call I need to get back in my hula-hoop. Thank you Kate B for that wonderful visual which helps me understand boundaries and what I’m responsible for and what I’m not.

What if you could channel all your energy into finding yourself, activating your power, and elevating your voice?

Beth Gray helps us with Finding your voice: loving your authentic life in an article she wrote for Inner Life Coaching

There is an extraordinary power that is held in YOU being You. When I suggest you need help finding your voice, I am not referring to a writer or a speaker. Instead, I want you to find the power of the small, still voice – somewhere deep inside – that dares to stand up for you.

Finding your voice is discovering the You that has investigated, for yourself:

• What you really think
• What you truly desire

Key Highlights

1. When you operate from a place of how others MIGHT judge and criticize you, you lose your authenticity.
2. Speaking up to express an opinion that isn’t held by the majority takes courage
3. It’s important to distinguish the opinion that you are pushing back against from the person who holds it.
4. When we clone ourselves, taking on the likes and actions of others as a way to “fit in” we lose our unique identity.
5. Doesn’t finding you and releasing your thoughts and opinions without fear, seem like a worthwhile leg of your journey?
6. The urge to please others can be damaging to ourselves and, potentially, to our relationships when we allow other people’s wants to have more importance than our own needs
7. Next time, challenge yourself to wait until someone explicitly asks for help.
8. You can live free by recognizing the characteristics, getting honest with yourself, and being willing to overcome the fear.
9. Recovery might require a new set of standards and values by which to lead your life!
10. There is an extraordinary power that is held in YOU being You.

CHALLENGE: take the time to uncover the authentic you; your opinions, your passion, and your voice! Being open to a new perspective is being flexible, going along with it just to be liked, is being too agreeable. Find a balance that puts your thoughts and feelings first.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are seeking a new routine, unhooking from harmful habits, and finding creative ways to seek comfort and knowledge as we look at, unplugging without disconnecting. Let’s face it, autopilot has become well, automatic; without question or concern. This week loops into the next and then months become quarters and years get swallowed by decades. Before you know it, your sick, tired, and hungry for something more but you’ve been turned around so many times like a kid at a party with a blindfold and a bat - smacking away hoping to hit it big. Do you even know where the pinata is or what’s inside? To restart your life in a new direction you might need to take it back to idle to even determine what’s important and how far apart you are; from a wish to reality. This isn’t an isolated journey, so staying connected to the positive while you disconnect from the negative is vital.

I’m pretty confident it is not a new revelation that our minds may be overstimulated in today’s world. Everything we need to know, want to know, could even possibly fathom can be found on a device that fits in our hand. We are walking around with access to answer every question we could ever pose. Now, do we always get the right answer? Well, no, there are opinions mixed with factual studies competing for SEO-influenced positioning. So you’re satisfied with the first answer, chances are, it paid to be first instead of accurate.

This brings me to the lost art of wonder. To have an interest in knowing or learning something: to think about something with curiosity

Here are 5 Reasons to Let Your Mind Wander from Eric Scott Burton - Eric a writer on self-improvement, entrepreneurship, and mindset. He wants to help people overcome obstacles, grow, learn, and thrive.

This article is found on ericscottburton.com

• First, You Do This Naturally
• Second, It Helps You Focus
• Third, Mind Wander Opens Up Your Creativity
• Fourth, Mind Wander Lets You Comprehend Your Emotions
• Fifth, Mind Wander Can Help With Goal Setting

Ok - so now we see the importance of letting your mind soar instead of veering off course but when every second of the day seems to be filled with mind-numbing information, entertainment, and over-stimulation, when is that supposed to happen?

As with anything else, you will have to be intentional.

If it’s “new’s” you’re looking for you can get what’s happening and personal opinions, on your phone, on the web, at the newspaper stand (yes they still exist), and on the TV literally 24/7. The same headlines over and over and over again - so no need to rush if you missed it, it will be up again shortly.

If it’s entertainment you’re seeking then you’ve got it on any mobile device, on the computer, in a box, on a PlayStation, by yourself, or connected to people all over the world.

We haven’t even to tapped into the social side of things….want to participate, like, love, connect, creep, poke, wink, PM, DM. You can do this from any phone, computer, tablet. But what about people connecting, in person, and sharing? Is that as antiquated as, wonder?

Neuroscientist Daniel J Levitin explains how our addiction to technology is making us less efficient in his article: Why the modern world is bad for your brain.

Our brains are busier than ever before. We’re assaulted with facts, pseudo-facts, jibber-jabber, and rumor, all posing as information. Trying to figure out what you need to know and what you can ignore is exhausting.

So much good stuff in this article...take a listen!

Multitasking has been found to increase the production of the stress hormone cortisol as well as the fight-or-flight hormone adrenaline, which can overstimulate your brain and cause mental fog or scrambled thinking.

The title of this show is Unplugging Without Disconnecting because, it’s important to remember, stepping away from technology reliance shouldn’t interrupt your personal connections. If it does, you might need to re-evaluate the balance you have of in-person face-face connections and social media friends and followers.

Modern conveniences have made our life easier, there is no doubt about that but has it made it richer? Do you re-invest the extra time you save into growing your personal connections and experiences? People-need-people. To love, to nurture, to learn from, to be heard from, to encourage, to be encouraged, to support and be supported. You see the theme. You need them and they need you.

Sure you can send a message with one hand at lightning speed and inform someone of something important. But nothing can replace looking into another person’s eyes while they hear that news, watching their reaction, giving them a high-five, or a shoulder to cry on. Nothing can replace YOU.

Jennifer Latson offers us A Cure for Disconnection Loneliness is a problem of epidemic proportions, affecting millions from all walks of life. But while its roots are complex, remedies may be within reach. In an article, she wrote for psychologytoday.com

• DO TALK TO STRANGERS
• GIVE IT SEVEN MINUTES
• SCHEDULE FACE TIME
• IF YOU CAN'T GET FACE TIME, CHOOSE FACETIME
• USE FACEBOOK WISELY
• BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR
• THROW A DINNER PARTY
• GET CREATIVE
• TALK ABOUT IT
• REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE—LITERALLY

Key Highlights

1. To wonder. To have an interest in knowing or learning something: to think about something with curiosity
2. By allowing your mind to wander, you are processing the world around you and coming up with solutions.
3. If you want to grow, you’re going to have to accept the bad stuff that comes with it.
4. Although we think we’re doing several things at once, multitasking, this is a powerful and diabolical illusion.
5. Multitasking has been found to increase the production of the stress hormone cortisol as well as the fight-or-flight hormone adrenaline, which can overstimulate your brain and cause mental fog or scrambled thinking.
6. It’s important to remember, stepping away from technology reliance shouldn’t interrupt your personal connections.
7. But nothing can replace looking into another person’s eyes while they hear that news, watching their reaction, giving them a high-five, or a shoulder to cry on.
8. We can feel much better after just 30 seconds of talking to someone in person, whereas we don't get that benefit from online interaction."
9. invite your neighbors over for coffee and offer to feed their cats when they go out of town. You'll be happier and healthier for it.
10. Hugging, holding hands, or even just patting someone on the back is powerful medicine.

CHALLENGE: feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated? Unplug from the source of your discomfort. Let your mind wander without limits. Connect to those who breathe life and love into your world and reciprocate as you can.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we are flipping the script and answering the call. Why You? Why Not You? Now, I didn’t come to this revelation on my own but I did adopt it as a way to overcome that woe-is-me kind of feeling. What if the things you’re struggling with are not the raw deal delivered by the universe that you think they are. What if these things happening to you are actually happening FOR you. No pain, no change. Sometimes we need to feel discomfort to seek comfort. What’s the lesson here? Shoot if we knew that it would ruin all the fun! Your journey is about discovery, challenges, and triumphs in no particular order and sometimes happening at random.

So...why you? How often do you ask yourself that question? It’s usually accompanied by an eye roll and an exasperated release of breath. UGH, WHY Me?

You might also echo that statement with things like….” figures, not again, not today, why is this always happening to me?

It can feel like life is out to get you or that terrible things are hovering over you just waiting to drop. Maybe you feel like you have a target on your back or a sign on your forehead but whatever it is….bad things happen to you.

And to make matters worse, they aren’t isolated incidents that happen once in a while. It’s blow after blow after blow! When are you going to catch a break?

This feeling is perpetual and once you’re on auto-repeat, it’s hard to shut it off. You start over-generalizing with overarching ideas like “ I ALWAYS, or I NEVER”. You shoot new opportunities down before you ever even try, accepting that nothing EVER works out for you so why bother.

Jordan Brown gives us 4 BIG Reasons Why You're Feeling Stuck in Life (With Solutions) found on the menatalhealthupdate.com

• Feeling Stuck Reason 1: You Think There’s No Hope for Any Change
• Feeling Stuck Reason 2: You’re Stuck in a Dead-End Job
• Feeling Stuck Reason 3: You Don’t Like Where You Live
• Feeling Stuck Reason 4: Your Relationships Are Draining You

Someone once told me, “the day starts and ends with you”. I love these little nuggets of inspiration that burrow deep in your mind but are easy to recall to make sense of the world or to deliver just the right amount of momentum and focus.

You are in charge of how you react to challenging situations, the people involved, the innocent bystander, and even the thoughts in your head. You can see any situation as a good thing or a bad thing and you don’t even have to cock your head funny or close one eye. You have the power to view your life through different lenses.

When you wake in the morning, you are in charge of the first thought that enters your brain. Now, sometimes, circumstances make it very difficult to wake up to rainbows in the sky and bluebirds singing on your windowsill - but you can choose to use your circumstances as motivators instead of limiters. Your choice.

Robert Taibbi shares his ideas on a common feeling; When You Feel You Don't Deserve to Be Happy

Well, here are some of the common sources of self-sabotage, see if you identify with any:

• Past sin(s)
• Survivor’s guilt
• Trauma
• Parental worry
• Feeling guilty if you're happy

• Deserving happiness

• Make amends

• Realize you did the best you could do at the time
• Resolve your trauma
• Directly work on your self-criticism
• Directly treat your anxiety and/or depression
• Carry your life’s lessons forward

Before you can really identify the good AND bad in your life, you need a better vantage point. Why do you think it’s important to “find gratitude”? You know that is a huge buzz phrase but what does it really mean and why is there such a push to do it?

With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. ... Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.

It helps climb you out of the darker regions in your mind to your frontal cortex where you can get a better vantage point. There you find patience, reason, and self-control.

Finding gratitude helps you put life into perspective. It delivers a healthy balance in what can seem like an overwhelming sea of negativity. With this new perspective, you can start to see the lessons and gifts instead of just the pain and misery.

enée Fishman enlightens us with 7 Ways That Life is Happening FOR You, Not TO You

• (1) To Teach You a Lesson
• (2) To Serve Your Awakening
• (3) To Catalyze Your Growth
• (4) To Deepen Your Empathy
• (5) To Test You
• (6) To Offer You Proof
• (7) To Help You Cultivate Trust

KEY HIGHLIGHTS -

1. Feeling stuck starts with your thoughts.
2. Realize that you are the one who created these thoughts, and you can be the one to create new thoughts.
3. Take a step back. Assess your current relationships. If they are not bringing you joy, it’s time to do something about it.
4. Regain your humanity by realizing just how much possibility you have, then seize the moment and do something about it.
5. You are in charge of how you react to challenging situations, the people involved, the innocent bystander, and even the thoughts in your head.
6. When your unhappiness has become your new normal, your view of yourself and what you present to others can feel unsettling and confusing
7. If there is some regret, guilt, or wound that is haunting you and undermining your happiness, you want to find a way to put it to rest, to get some closure.
8. Happiness is a byproduct of a life fully lived, a life based on self-care and forgiveness that can come with new intentions, deliberate action, support.
9. A life hardship or challenge may arise to give you the tools you need to serve others more deeply or at a higher level. It can help us foster greater empathy and compassion for others.
10. Sometimes the challenges we face are simply an opportunity to cultivate deeper trust that things will work out.

CHALLENGE: to answer the call. Instead of feeling like life is delivering another blow find the opportunity that stands on the other side of your thinking. Use your power and this new perspective to push forward and accept the challenge.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are reaching for the stars, recognizing our power, and formulating a plan because the steps are achievable. Our new mantra? #wantmore #domore #bemore. It might actually sound too simple but isn’t that always the case; overcomplicating something so easy or missing what’s right in front of us by being stuck behind the shoulda, coulda, wouldas? Not today. We are going to break it down and work it forward and backward because the concept is the same no matter how you slice and dice it. You have the power and you’ve had it all along. Unless you are aware of a long line handing out personal power, you’re gonna have to seize it. That’s right, YOU have to want more, be willing to do more, to actually be more.

This idea came to me one morning, even the hashtags. I don’t know about you but I do my best brainstorming in the morning - usually in the shower. Come on, I know I’m not alone on that. As a life coach, my job is to take the overwhelming and make it simple to understand, easy to digest, offering a straightforward approach to moving forward. I’m well suited for that job because my mind works that way anyway. First, I’m a problem solver. Now that sounds like a resume cliche like; team player but it’s true. The main reason my mind goes into problem-solving mode quickly is that I don’t like being distressed. Really, it’s that simple.

Even a positive person who lets most things roll off her back has trials so let’s get that straight. I get down and yes even sometimes moody but I don’t stay there long. This sounds weird but my first thought is always….Is this going to kill me? The next thought….is someone in my family in harm's way? If not, then I have time to figure things out. I only panic if I’m late or if I’ve let someone down. Other than that I approach most things with a level head. Next, I try to gauge what I can control and what I can’t. I would love to believe that I am the superhero I feel like sometimes but the fact is, there is plenty that is out of my control. To which, I work on letting go.

It’s funny, I say “work” because sometimes it’s not as easy as doing a mic drop kind of release. Sometimes it feels like something is being pried from your hands down to your fingertips kind of release. Still, it’s letting go of things you can not change. This frees you to focus on what you can. Next, do an evaluation to see what’s the most pressing and what can wait. Low risk, high reward.

This type of process is logical and can get you over the hump to move forward. You can use these steps to tackle any challenge you face.

First, you have to activate it and then you have to own it. So before we can want more and do more….we have to know MORE is even possible.

Carla Moore gives us: 5 Ways to Activate Your Personal Power found on forbes.com

• Know your make and model.
• Punch in your destination.
• Shift from junkyard to showroom.
• Check the map.
• Choose your passengers.

Now you may say, Kendall, you are always talking about being satisfied with what you have and living in the moment. What happened to that?

This concept isn’t umbrella-style thinking and doesn’t encompass everything. The idea is, if you want to be more, you have to do more, and before you can do more, you have to want more. We aren’t motivated to do more if the want isn’t specifically tied to our own desires. Meaning, you can’t apply this process for something someone else wants for you or from you. This has to be your own wants, needs, and desires.

Simply accepting that you are where you are (mentally, physically, or spiritually) as a result of someone else's stronghold or some opportunity that passed over you is not an example of activating your power.

Bonnie Marcus helps us with 10 Steps To Own Your Personal Power found on forbes.com

• Acknowledge and declare your ambition.
• Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations.
• Advocate for yourself and others.
• Ask for help when you need it.
• Speak up and share your opinions and ideas.
• Acknowledge your fears.
• Schedule quiet time.
• Build a supportive network.
• Maintain a growth mindset.
• Practice self-care.

Recently, I walked along the beach looking at the ocean. I was in awe of the vastness, the soothing rhythms of the waves meeting the sand, its consistency, and its power. I realized I was standing on the fringes of such an amazing wonder. All the chaos of life was happening on just the edges. WOW When you need perspective, look to nature.

We can get so enamored with this false sense of reality; moving pictures telling a story, loosely based on reality or fiction. We can feel traumatized without even knowing we were assaulted by the messages. But turning my head in the opposite direction I realized; life will go on without my input. I don’t have to control everything or feel the responsibility for the weight of the world. The tide will still come in.

Kathy Caprino lays out The Top 8 Things People Desperately Desire But Can't Seem To Attain in her article for forbes.com

• No. 1: Happiness
• No. 2: Money
• No. 3: Freedom
• No. 4: Peace
• No. 5: Joy
• No. 6: Balance
• No. 7: Fulfillment
• No. 8: Confidence

Today we need deliverables; sayings we can glom onto and put in our pocket or on our Twitter feeds. Ideas are broken down, simple, easy to remember.

Do you want more? What are you prepared to do?

Research, explore, educate, connect.

Do you want to be more? What are you prepared to do?

Learn, listen, strive, instill, reach

With this recipe, you have the power to activate your action plan...today!

CHALLENGE: Take some time in the quiet to listen to your heart. What do you want? Be willing to do the research, connect, commit, overcome, and persevere remembering; #wantmore, #domore, #bemore.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we’re talking about settling in, taking life as it comes, and letting someone else lighten the load when needed. This show is about riding the wave and the wheelbarrow. You might find swimming upstream and waging a battle against the current the only possible way to survive. The thought of letting go, come what may, or not willing into existence everything you have, simply a pipe dream. But what if…..go on this fantastical journey with me, what if you stopped fighting and instead floated along with the current. Taking things as they come instead of worrying about what might happen if you aren’t in control. What if….stay with me, you let someone else pick up the slack or start doing their share? Could you relax in the knowledge that all you have to focus on is doing your personal best, instead of saving the world?

So if I said the words “go with the flow”, what ideas immediately come to mind? It might sound peaceful to you, a pass, being let off the hook. An excuse to relax or a direct order to chill out, you’re not in charge.

It might elicit anxiety. A foreign concept where you relinquish control. Taking a step back, sacrificing structure for something more freeform.

I’ve always thought of myself as easy-going, a person who goes with the flow. Matt actually laughed out loud at this. He said I was anything but easy-going and then referred to my lists, my need to devise a plan in advance, my disappointment when things didn’t turn out as I expected, my need for control, blah blah blah….I tuned him out at that point.

But he was right. I’m not easy-going but I do think I’m flexible. I do well with change and can shift gears with ease. Ok flexible, I’ll accept that

Karen Young asks a great question and gives her ideas in: Want to Be Happier? Letting Go of These Will Make it Happen - found on heysigmund.com

1-Other people’s opinions.

2- Having to please other people. (Oh those expectations!)

3 -Saying yes to everyone. And their cousin’s neighbor’s mother.

4- Anything that stops you from asking for clarification, time, help, patience, understanding, space.

5- Judging, criticizing, complaining. (And if you’re about to skip this because ‘you’d never do that to anyone, it includes doing it to yourself, too!)

6 -Excuses.

7 -Letting idiots, jerks, and toxics change who you are.

8 -Thinking only the big things should be celebrated.

9-Talking, shutting down, or getting busy – when it would be best to listen.

10 -The need to be right.

11 -Holding back.

12 -The need for control.

13-The Resistance to Change.

14 -Regret

15-Blame

The waves are coming in, pounding the beach. What do you do? Stand there and take it? Pushing against them, getting the wind knocked out of you, standing up when you can, and going at it harder the next time. Or do you let the wave carry you, weightless over the swells and down the beach as you look up to the clear sky without worry as to where you will eventually come to shore?

Oh to be that trusting and vulnerable. The visual of that sounds so hopeful and peaceful. Then why, do we panic and paddle with all our might in the opposite direction? Convinced we have control over everything, even the unseen.

Acknowledging your power doesn’t always mean being forceful. It can be the power to understand what’s needed at any given moment. Knowing when to push and when to be carried.

Imaging a wheelbarrow. One wheel and two handles. A wheelbarrow doesn’t have a steering wheel, pedals, or brakes. It’s powerless for the passenger. All the control goes into the hands of the diver.

How do you feel about climbing in - arms and legs, hands and feet. Taking a rest and letting someone else lead the way?

Cynthia Kane give us: 6 Ways to Let Others Help You found on bustle.com

Shift Your Perspective

Know Your Worth

Know What you Believe

Know Your Strengths

Know when to Ask for Help

Listen

Have you ever heard, all good managers delegate all jobs? I bet in the same breath you’re thinking, yeah but it’s easier if I just do it myself, then I know it gets done, and to my standards.

Listen to yourself….to your standard? Maybe that’s a bigger issue but your expectations are your expectations. Waiting for others to live up to them will produce anxiety, disappointment, and heartache.

What if you could effectively communicate what you want and need and then let others do THEIR BEST, would that be good enough?

Kisha Dingle is an entrepreneur, master filmmaker trainer and life coach as well as the founder of Visionary Legacy Project. She struggled with perfectionism and gives us her thoughts in THE PERFECTIONISM CURE: HOW TO STOP TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT

5 Habits To Help You Rid Yourself Of Perfectionism

1. Accept the fact that you are NOT the only person on the planet that can do anything right.
2. Redefine your standards.
3. Focus on WHY you're doing something, not WHAT you're doing.
4. Learn to set realistic goals that you can enjoy achieving.
5. Learn how to celebrate your success.

CHALLENGE: take a time out. Relax and go with the flow. Let life carry you through the ebbs and flows. When in need, pull back and let someone else do the heavy lifting. Your strength is found within.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are poking a stick in it, turning off auto-pilot, and getting off the hamster wheel. No longer are we going to walk through life wondering where we are going and “what just happened?”. SNAP - time to wake up for some intentional and meaningful moments. That’s right, intentional. How will you approach each day; Wondering where the time went or finding unique ways to experience, connect, understand, and document? The hamster wheel suggests a whole lot of action but not really getting anywhere. When you sit down at night, after a long day of who knows what, where does your mind go; glad it’s over or trying to put shape to the blur? Instead of allowing time to slip away unnoticed, let’s dig into these questions and add meaning.

I read this quote in a book recently: We’re young for such a small fraction of our lives, and yet our youth seems to stretch on forever. Then we’re old for years and years, but time flies by fastest then.

I’m sure everyone is nodding their head no matter what your age is. We all have 365 days in a year and endless opportunities to find meaning. We also start out with a somewhat blank slate and add experiences and memories as we go.

What stands out? I’m sure your mind goes to major milestones in your life.

What happens to all the moments in between? Why didn’t they make the vault of memories you value? How much of your life was spent waiting and pondering the next meaningful moment?

Meik Wiking says There’s an art to happy memories — you can make more by experiencing more “first”s - in his talk for ideas.ted.com

Interesting research about the reminiscence effect…

One theory behind the reminiscence bump is that our teens and early adulthood years are our defining years, our formative years. Our identity and sense of self is developing at that time, and some studies suggest that experiences linked to who we see ourselves as are more frequently retold in explaining who we are and are therefore remembered better later in life.

One study found that 73 percent of people’s vivid memories were either first-time experiences or unique events.

If we want life to slow down, to make moments memorable and our lives unforgettable, we may want to remember to harness the power of firsts. In our daily routines, it’s also an idea to consider how we can turn the ordinary into something more extraordinary in order to stretch the river of time.

I find that doing something with my hands, creating something, writing something - can make for a meaningful moment. For instance, I love crocheting. Hear me out. Something in my brain finds comfort in a repetitive motion. Another part of my brain is satisfied when I take unformed items and create forms - like fabric into a garment, paper scraps into a card, and yarn into a hat, scarf, or blanket. This repetitive motion of winding yarn in different patterns can create a hat you wear to give you comfort. JOY! Then there is this wire that becomes obsessed with a project so I’ve created over 100 hats!

Obviously, I don’t have 100 cold children or adults in my family who need hats so I’ve looked for other outlets to donate hats. For me, that’s meaningful.

Michael and Sophia Miracolo show us How to escape the hamster wheel – tools and tips from their blog liveslowrunfar.com

What is the hamster wheel, even? The dictionary hints at an unfulfilling activity leading nowhere, but our modern-day interpretation builds more into it than that.

“Am I living my life the way I want to? Am I investing my time in a way that fulfills me?”

Here are some ideas on how to do more with less and refocus your life on meaningful moments:

• Clear out your home
• Switch careers
• Move to the countryside
• Lower your expenses
• Work less
• Start freelancing (when possible)
• Grow your own vegetables
• Move to a smaller city or town
• Downsize

I love all those ideas and especially the whole concept of live slow, run far. What’s the rush?? A friend was telling me about a book he read referencing the 33,000 days that the average person has to live. Whoa…..looking at time with that perspective is a bit daunting. Already I feel behind the eight ball. But if you could look at your life with a finite sense of time, would that change your outlook? Would that motivate you to live life to its fullest, never wasting a moment?

Tim McGraw sings “live like you were dying”. This is poignant because most people who are faced with that prospect or have witnessed a near-death experience have echoed that they now view their day-to-day differently and as a result, pack in moments that are meaningful.

There are endless quotes about happiness and in the end what held the most meaning and they all point to our connections. I’m sure I don’t need to point out that these are personal or in-person connections, not Facebook friends or Twitter followers.

It’s connecting, listening, sharing, understanding, and encouraging the people in our lives. The ones we call our “people” and the ones we’ve yet to meet.

Lachlan Brown gives us The 10 most important things in life (for fulfillment and happiness) in his article for ideapod.com

1 -Healthy Relationships

2 -Family

3 -Yourself

4-Your friends

5 -Love in all shapes and sizes

6 - Passion

7 -Time and productivity

8 - Good health

9 -Wellness

10 -Reason to live

CHALLENGE: make an intentional effort to step off the hamster wheel to seek meaning through connection, purpose, creativity, and experience. Collect memories that tell a story of making the most of every moment.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are at it again, and again, and yes, maybe even again. We aren’t giving up but instead, recovering from failure. Sometimes it’s more than just telling yourself “better luck next time”, there is a process; awareness, learning, resiliency, and tenacity when you don’t get it right the first time but aren’t ready to give up. Can you imagine if we adopted the one-and-done at every stage of our lives? Oy, let’s be honest, we would still be sitting in soiled diapers sucking our thumbs. Thank goodness we didn’t give up so easily! Let’s find that resolve as we walk through our failures in an attempt to recover and move forward.

Let’s get something out of the way in the very beginning, I do believe in giving in. Again, again, and again is in no way saying you shouldn’t learn something from your failures to modify or abort your original plans. I’m also not suggesting that tenacity is the only thing you need to MAKE something happen when it clearly isn’t working.

In everything, I’m suggesting a healthy balance of push, pull, and release. Oh boy, we go through so many changes in our lives with radical ideas about the world at every turn. Can you take a moment and think back to an idea you had or something you tried that failed, and now, looking back you can clearly see why and are thankful for it?

Amy Clover, fitness and mental health coach, gives us her ideas from her website insideoutstrong.com: The Difference Between Giving Up & Moving Forward

GIVING UP is dropping something just because it’s pushing you out of your comfort zone.

MOVING FORWARD is recognizing that what you’re doing is either not working or is making you miserable, then taking another course that gets you to your goal of what’s important.

1. Ask yourself why you want to stop.
2. Is the reason sound?
3. Determine the verdict.

Can you think about a time you should have thrown in the towel instead of trying again? Can you see now how you might have changed your approach or direction for a better outcome?

None of us like rejection. We aren’t going into something excited that there is a 50/50 split of yes or no, win or lose. Most of us don’t haphazardly throw spaghetti hoping it will stick. We’ve done our homework, researched our ideas, put in the long hours, vowed dedication, and yet still have a 50% chance it won’t work.

Not giving up the first time can have everything to do with timing and little to do with the actual idea or process. BUT, it’s important to evaluate that before you continue to insert a square peg in a round hole.

Dr. Guy Winch helps us understand the impact with The Essential Guide for Recovering From Failure - found on psychology.com

1. Failure makes our goals seem tougher.
2. Failure makes our abilities seem weaker.
3. Failure damages our motivation.
4. Failure makes us risk-averse.
5. Failure limits our ability to think outside the box.
6. Failure makes us feel helpless.
7. Failure leads us to make incorrect and damaging generalizations.

Having the courage to keep going is a feeling that may not immediately come but instead, might take a bit of encouragement. Just like understanding your part in the failed attempt isn’t always easy but will help you uncover key elements of your wants, needs, desires, and limitations.

Not everything is supposed to work out. The good thing is, given another try, you have the opportunity to do it again, with more knowledge and understanding about yourself.

Geoffery James gives us the steps in How to Recover From an Epic Fail -A step-by-step method for dealing with--and overcoming--a huge failure in your life or career.

1. Stop complaining.
2. Take responsibility.
3. Forgive yourself.
4. Celebrate the failure.
5. Debrief yourself.
6. Recommit yourself.
7. Create a new plan.
8. Reality-check your plan.
9. Execute the plan.

I love creating, starting from an idea, to a plan, to execution. It’s exciting to see something tangible that was once just an idea in my head. As a result, I have created a wide variety of products that never quite made it off my shelf and onto someone else's. Some of them make me laugh today, especially thinking back to how serious I was at the time. Others, I think, just missed their window of opportunity.

Today, I’ve grown and my journey has given me a new lens. My creativity is still there but my thoughts are rooted around serving my true potential. If I would have given up, or if I had not recovered from my failed attempts, I would have missed out on a whole new world. A chance to come into my own and settle into the flow of mindful production and successful service.

I’m thrilled that life taught me and I will forever be a lifelong learner continually practicing patience and persistence.

Recovering From Failure Key Takeaways

1. In everything, a healthy balance of push, pull and release.
2. We only know what we know today and not only are our ideas growing but so are our capabilities
3. Just because you don’t want to continue down this path, doesn’t mean you’re a quitter. It just means this path is not the one you’re supposed to take.
4. GIVING UP is dropping something just because it’s pushing you out of your comfort zone.
5. MOVING FORWARD is recognizing that what you’re doing is either not working or is making you miserable, then taking another course that gets you to your goal of what’s important.
6. Wisdom comes from learning from our mistakes.
7. Remember what’s important to you, and ground yourself in that when you feel like giving up.
8. Failure can impact us on an unconscious level and leave wounds that are far more psychologically devastating.
9. The only thing we can conclude for sure after a failure is that we were unsuccessful at that particular task/goal, in that particular time, in those particular circumstances.
10. Having the courage to keep going is a feeling that may not immediately come but instead, might take a bit of encouragement.

CHALLENGE: use failure as a teacher and a guide. Instead of retreating with a one-and-done, evaluate what went wrong, own your responsibility, unleash what you can’t control, modify your approach or change your target then give it another go!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are buying high and selling low. Evaluating our resources to uncover the deficits. We are trading in precious commodities, PATIENCE. So slow down and give us your full attention. What is more important than your own personal development? You grow and then the world around you benefits. Want to make a significant change - be a change agent and take your own growth seriously. Ok, ok, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, the whole show is about developing, recognizing, and celebrating patience so let’s do it justice by conjuring up a little of our own.

We started the show off by trying to understand where the saying, “Patience is a Virtue” comes from.

I just love word or phrase origins and then tracking how the meanings have changed over time. This phrase has ballooned to encompass anything you can’t have right now. It’s sometimes used when there really is no explanation as to why you haven’t received or achieved something you desire. “There, there, all in good time, patience is a virtue.”

Candace Vogler helps us better understand virtues in a blog article she wrote for thevirtueblog.co

Virtue, then, is not an attitude, although attitudes often go along with virtue. It is not a belief system or a kind of desire or a kind of feeling/emotion, although virtue shapes thoughts and feelings. It is closer to a stable, cultivated way of noticing what’s going on and responding to what’s going on (inwardly and through one’s actions) aimed at supporting, enabling, or doing actual good.

Not sure infants are born with any level of patience - clearly not when they start out with only two speeds; full-on high alert or sleeping. Patience is developed over time as a result of so many things. Your willingness to take it slower than you have in the past or as a result of too many failed attempts at pushing your way through.

I’m quick to pull the trigger on an idea. I love brainstorming and getting creative with my thoughts but then shortly after, it’s GO-TIME! I don’t stew over plans, rationalizing different outcomes, I test it out more practically or impractically - hands-on!

Melissa Eisler, Professional Leadership Coach gives us her ideas on developing patience in her article - 7 Strategies to Build Your Patience Muscle

Whatever or whomever your trigger, patience is most difficult to muster up when you encounter a roadblock or waiting time between you and that something you want or need. Whether it’s as simple as:

• The long line at the grocery store when you just want to get home with your groceries
• The hold time when you want to speak to a customer service representative
• The five minutes you must wait when your spouse is running late for dinner
• Waiting for your computer to reboot
• Traffic!

Patience vs. Mindfulness

To understand the role mindfulness plays in being patient, let’s make sure we are all working off of the same definition of patience, which, according to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary means, “bearing pains or trials calmly and without complaint” and “steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.”

Only snippets from her work…

• Pause and Breathe
• Stop Resisting
• Acknowledge the Effects of Impatience
• Get curious about the particular moment you are in.
• Use the Extra Time Wisely
• Try a Mini Meditation
• Befriend the Situation

Part of developing patience is understanding the timing is everything. You could think of timing as in God’s time, this measurement that only He knows so settle down and wait. Or whether something is happening at the right time in your life.

Jelena Jegdić gives us another perspective in her article: What Is Divine Timing And How Does It Work? [Simple Guide] located at reviw42.com

Divine timing is the belief that everything occurs exactly when it is supposed to. By accepting this thought, we have to accept that everything that happens in our lives, from the most ordinary, mundane events to the biggest, most drastic changes that occur—everything is controlled by something that is more powerful than all actions we can undertake to gain control of our lives.

Despite the seemingly random nature of divine workings, there are certain rules that have to be followed if you have decided to accept this outer force in your life. If you’ve found yourself in a situation when you have waited or strived toward something, only to get it when you finally gave up on it—that is the universe giving you what you need when you are ready for it, and not one moment sooner. Guide yourself by these rules and trust the universe to do the rest for you.

• Learn to be patient
• Trust in perfect timing
• Don’t try to force things
• Don’t attach yourself to an outcome

Haven’t we all looked back on something that we wanted SO BAD at the time but just didn’t work out and now, with some hindsight, we see that we are better for it. Whew - I know timing helped me out more than once.

• When you think about timing you can also consider where you are on your journey and if what you’re shooting for makes sense. The sky really isn’t the only limit. Where are you in your career, does it make sense to uproot, start a new project, go into debt?
• Where are you in your family, do you have small children; now might not be the best time to start a business, or change careers, or travel the world.
• Where are you in your development; it might not be the right time to have children, take on a big project, leave your support system.

WE all want to be further along with more to show for our lives. It’s so difficult to be patient and live in the now. How can you slow down and be present when there is so much left to be done?

The flip side of that thinking is how many meaningful moments are you missing by living too far in the future?

Andrew Faure looks at the idea of being present from many angles in his article How to Live in the Present Moment and Create Your Dream Life - found at creatormind.org

The Future Is Now

For most people, many of their wants and desires include being happy, having peace of mind, feeling loved or being successful. And they don't want these things in some distant future, they want them now!

If I gave you the option of being prosperous starting next year or being prosperous starting today, which would you choose?

Too many hot buttons to hit in a summary….listen to the show!!

CHALLENGE: to realize that your best is achievable and with patience and timing, your goals, realized. Take time to ponder the present as you make plans for the future. It’s all a delicate balance of awareness, acceptance, and fortitude.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...you’re receiving a promotion! Congratulations! From Assistant to Manager, putting you in charge of your own life. From strategy to tactical application, the decisions are yours. You’re in charge! So what’s your first move? You might need to spend a little time establishing yourself in your new role which might mean communicating to those around you a new set of expectations. No longer will you take a back seat and let someone else drive. No longer will you doubt your ideas seeking validation from others. No longer will you put things on the backburner, giving way to fear. You are the head honcho and from this day forward the choices are yours.

So let’s start by determining where you are. Not necessarily physically. I hope you’re in a safe, comfortable space open to new ideas and perspectives. But I’m referring to logistically and emotionally on your journey. Is this a promotion for the first time in your life? Have you ever achieved management level where you are calling all the shots? No net, no answering to the chief of staff, just you? OR were you there and then for some reason, twists and turns of life, someone took the helm and you were demoted? Maybe you’ve gotten comfortable being #2 and not having to take responsibility for your life strategy. For some reason, along the way, you felt unqualified.

Maybe you’re at a crossroads realizing life doesn’t meet your expectations when you’re not in charge of it. Taking a passive role expecting aggressive action is futile. If you want to see change you have to be a change agent and make it happen.

If you’re already questioning who’s really in charge then this should help..

10 Ways You Might Be Giving Other People Too Much Power Over Your Life Without Even Realizing It by AMY MORIN found on inc.com

1. You give in to guilt trips.
2. You allow someone else's opinion of you to dictate your self-worth.
3. You don't establish healthy boundaries.
4. You complain about all the things you have to do.
5. You hold grudges.
6. You change your goals because you were rejected.
7. You set out to prove someone wrong.
8. You let other people bring out the worst in you.
9. You invest time into talking about people that you don't like.
10. You work hard to avoid criticism.

I have always felt in charge of my own life labeling myself as fiercely independent. I’m outspoken and typically decisive when it comes to business. But I completely identify with more than five from that list. I am a people-pleaser and even though I’ve spent a lot of time understanding that behavior and making changes based on my level of awareness, I can still stumble with those old and familiar feelings.

In many aspects of my life, I crave validation. UGH, I don’t want to, trust me. I can do something or create something and feel proud and comfortable. Why can’t that feeling be enough? Why do I have to seek someone else’s approval? Do you identify with that feeling?

Overcoming an Approval Seeking Personality and Low Self Esteem by Maggie at ownyoubest.com

Struggling with low self-esteem or an approval-seeking personality? You are not alone. It’s common to want to feel validated at times. But if seeking approval is when your self-esteem and overall well-being are riding on the opinions of others, it’s time to learn how to let go of this temporary high.

• Think about the kind of approval you seek (ie. appearance, wealth, success, love, worthiness).
• Know that overcoming the need for approval is not about changing others in your life (however, a toxic environment may be a component). Your self-worth journey begins and ends with you.
• Dig deep and determine the type of approval-seeking personality you identify with most. What is holding you back from authenticity?

Awareness might seem as overused as mindfulness but it’s a critical step if you want to see real change in your life. Change starts with you and only happens if you first evaluate where you are and what you need to do to get moving in the right direction. This new direction is great but never really a clear path void of any challenges. Understanding yourself and your tendencies is an awareness that can help you navigate the best path and give you the tools you need to modify, re-engineer, or simply dust yourself off and try again.

Being mindful gives you the chance to learn new things about yourself every day. It gives you the freedom to get lost in your own thoughts, to fantasize about outcomes, and visualize what needs to happen to get where you want to go. Spend some time with yourself, wondering, and problem-solving. Don’t be so quick to differ from another person. You have the power!

Mo Seetubtim gives some ideas on How To Take Charge of Your Own Life found on the happinessplanner.com

1. Realize that it's important to start taking charge of your own life.
2. Say ‘No’ to help.
3. Say ‘No’ to choices that make you unhappy.
4. Realize that you only have the power you decide to build.
5. Know that life is a journey.

I go into a section on lemons and lemonade….super fun (well maybe not)

On Hilde’s blog, inspiredbyhilde.com - continues the rally cry with: Be in charge of your life!

• Make a choice.
• Be the authority.
• Get educated.
• Take action.

Self-empowerment is about taking charge and responsibility. Through feeling powerful one becomes fearless. When one becomes fearless, life becomes limitless.

If you want something to change, change something. Start NOW, and do not waste another minute feeling less than great!

CHALLENGE: evaluate your current role in your life to determine if you’re assisting someone else in making decisions or if you’ve, in fact, taken a management role and are owning your own life. You have the power to be strategic and tactical, actively leading your own journey,

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are pushing the boundaries, testing the water, and venturing outside of your comfort zone. You know the place, where things feel a bit foreign, out of your perceived control, and where the unknown can either be exhilarating or terrifying. Most of us have been to this place but only temporarily, retreating the moment discomfort alerts us that we are outside our four predictable walls. Routine, Consistency, Automatic, and Safe. Here we live dreaming of what might be “over yonder” but rarely disrupting our day-to-day life to find out. What would happen if we broke through, ventured out, pushed through the awkwardness, and challenged ourselves? You might think it’s a 50/50 situation to win or fail but oh the learning levels in between.

You might be asking yourself; Why would you want to venture outside of your comfort zone? Well, let’s clear that up before we even get started. Life can be an amazing journey if you let it. All throughout the process we have the opportunity to grow and learn, evolve. Some of this happens automatically and from basic observation of the people around us. Some of it is instinctual but other has to be explored, found, adopted, and nurtured.

When we stop at the first amount of threat or push back, we have the tendency to stay stuck. Never pushing ourselves to challenge and grow.

There are different stages of learning and growing in your life - and thank goodness for it. Imagine staying stuck at any stage before the one you’re in now. It doesn’t matter how old you are today, imagine a stage or two before and then picture yourself stuck there. Not physically necessarily because it wouldn’t want to shed 20 years off your body (unless you are currently 20). I’m speaking for mentally.

Picturing being 45 but you’re operating on the knowledge you had at age 25. Sure you might have had significantly more energy but oh boy, you didn’t have the experience you have now.

NATALY KOGAN gives us 40 lessons in happiness for my younger self (a letter she wrote to her daughter)

Here are just a few…

• Most things are better after a good night of sleep.
• Don’t save your nice dishes, nice clothes, nice shoes for a special occasion. Every day you’re alive is a special occasion, so use the good stuff!
• When in doubt, go for a walk.

Ready for an awesome revelation? You never have to be done. There is no ceiling to your quest for knowledge and experience. No graduation day, no certificate, and until the end, no pass/no fail. Your journey will ebb and flow and if you are willing, will keep moving forward. Remember, you hold the power to accelerate or to apply the brakes.

Pushing down on the gas means you WILL face uncertainty, no doubt get lost, face adversity, and be forced into uncomfortable situations. But oh the fun you might have!

When it comes to life in general, you only know what you know. You’re a product of your environment.

Jace Jacobs share more on this thought from his blog at jacejacobs.com

The way you operate today is a result of your programming.

Is it good or bad? Maybe a little bit of both. One thing is for sure; you are in charge of what you choose to embrace or change about yourself.

Own your happiness.

Break your programming

Embrace the power of your thoughts

I love to reinvent and I have a gazillion hobbies and ideas. Sometimes my mind is racing, wondering how I will find time to get them all in. These can be professional projects and new business ventures to being obsessed with crocheting hats.

I’m notorious for getting an idea and then falling headfirst into all the details until I’ve burnt myself out. Key here - diversify. Projects you can do alone, projects with people, projects that are self-serving, projects that help the community or a community of people or the environment in general, projects that inspire, teach, or exercise your mind and body. I’m getting excited just thinking about it all!

What if you could grow through life instead of simply...go through life?

Shawn from stunningmotivation.com shares 7 Steps on How To Grow In Life And Become More Successful

A few of his thoughts…

Take a moment to compare yourself 5 years ago…

• Are you reaching greater heights in life?
• Have you achieved most of your goals and are living your dreams?
• And do you feel extremely fulfilled with your life right now?

Success will not come to you overnight, but it can be achieved through daily improvement and small increments over time.

Most people overestimate what they can achieve in a year, but they underestimate what they can achieve within 5 years.

1. Commit to Mastery
2. Cultivate Success Characters
3. Respect Your Time
4. Keep Your Promises and Commitment
5. Take care of your finances and commit to living debt-free when possible
6. Nourish Your Body
7. Enrich Your Soul

How can we coax you out to test the waters once again? You’re ok with where you are today and it’s far more comfortable than trusting and pushing yourself to learn a little more. You’re ok with settling for the here and now.

In Tony Fahkry’s article -Why The Magic Happens When You Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone found at the medium.com

Just a teaser…

Life tosses you lemons — well at least that’s what you suspect from where you stand. You may be sick and tired of being in a rut. Feeling uninspired — emotionally drained and lacking direction. Don’t despair since you may simply be experiencing an internal shift.

From time to time, you may suffer periods of uncertainty, which on the surface appears as though your world is sinking. You might feel helpless and unable to navigate your journey ahead.

Remember, it is your response to life that is paramount to the level of personal growth you undertake. Most people thrive in ideal situations, although this does not test one’s character.

Your response to life’s uncertainties determines your level of inner growth, especially when the tides are against you.

CHALLENGE: to push yourself forward with the desire to learn and grow. Find comfort in the fact that you are in control of your passion and your pace. Make a commitment to growing through life instead of simply going.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are finding meaning, intention, and aim as we move toward unleashing your purpose within. I love talking about purpose and true potential because isn’t that what we’re all striving for anyway? If your life lacks meaning, and your actions are unintentional or aimless, what’s the purpose of anything? Just like in goal setting, having a target for your journey and steps to get there means you have an action plan and nothing is more exciting than putting something you want and strive for, into action. No need to strap on the running shoes yet, we have some work to do first to understand, deep down, what we were meant for. Of course, there is no way to handle that in an hour but we can get your mind redirected to going within for the answers.

Unleashing your purpose sounds easy enough and suggests that there is this door or box inside of us that we’ve been told to stay away from because we don’t have the key or it’s something boring and bothersome that we just haven’t gotten to yet. It screams that we must already know what our purpose and true potential is - who would have known? I mean haven’t you always thought that it was this grand, momentous exploration for life’s answers. Something a Tibetn Monk studied and uncovered throughout a lifetime. Or maybe it’s one of those things that is revealed at the end of your life when you finally have the “Ah-ha moment” only to discover you’re too late to do anything with it.

Your purpose, the great mystery of the world. Maybe we’ve been putting off this exploration like Scarlet O’hara - “I won’t think about that today, I’ll think about that tomorrow”. Too deep and soul-searching for a person in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and beyond. Or is it? Maybe we are missing the point here. Maybe it’s been there all along. Maybe we’ve been using it and living with purpose but never really identified it as such. Could it all be that simple?

Dr. Scott T Allison gets us started with four truths that give your life meaning and purpose in his article: What Is Your Purpose in Life? Located at pyscologytoday.com

Hero stories illuminate your true purpose in four ways:

1)You will go on a journey.

2) You will grow from adversity.

3) You will assemble a team of allies.

4) You will give back to society.

The hero’s journey is not just illustrated in fiction but in the real lives of the world’s greatest heroes, such as Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Martin Luther King, Jr. These three legends lived the four truths of heroism we’ve outlined:

• They all embarked on a journey that forever changed their lives
• They suffered greatly at the hands of others
• They benefited from a team of allies who made their triumphs possible
• They all used their gifts to forever change the world.

Mother Teresa said, “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”. Ripples felt far and wide. A ripple of love and understanding.

Encouragement is the key to unlock a person’s true potential.

I started my work wanting to help women get back to work. I’ve always been a professional, career-focused person but I haven’t always walked into the best jobs. My goal was to always go as far as I could go in any role which meant I was prepared to work hard to get there. I have never lacked confidence professionally so for me drive was inherent. As a woman, I knew what it was like to work, have babies, at times a single working mother, trying to make ends meet while getting ahead. I felt compassion for this demographic and wanted to help.

So I created job-seeking workshops to do resumes, uncover desires & talents, role-play interview skills, and provide interview apparel and makeovers. Whatever it took to equip someone to feel confident to be their best.

Immediately, thank goodness, I was shown a revelation - people need encouragement. Not just crave it, they desperately need it. A kind word of inspiration, someone to listen, care, and believe in them. With that knowledge, a person walks a little taller, sits a little straighter, and smiles a deep, appreciative smile from within. Confidence in themselves will give them confidence in their abilities.

You can encourage everyone you encounter one way or another. By the positive energy, you expel, making eye contact, giving a kind smile, saying hello. If given the opportunity or if you feel compelled, ask about their day, spend time with them, listen, and understand.

Human connection is vital to thriving in life and experiencing true happiness. Something as simple as creating and maintaining meaningful connections can be your purpose and provide long-lasting and far-reaching effects.

JEREMY ADAM SMITH provides ideas when you’re struggling on How to Find Your Purpose in Life - in an article he wrote for greatergood berkeley

Here are six ways to overcome isolation and discover your purpose in life.

1. Read
2. Turn hurts into healing for others
3. Cultivate awe, gratitude, and altruism
4. Listen to what other people appreciate about you
5. Find and build community
6. Tell your story

As a life coach, I’m often asked about purpose because so many are looking for “what next”. Either they’ve come to a crossroads where the way they’ve always done it isn’t working or isn’t satisfying enough or it’s imperative they make a life change for survival.

When you hit it on the head it can flow as easily as a lazy current or propel you forward like the Colorado River rapids. There is a deep sense of satisfaction and joy from delivering on your purpose. Not monetary or short-lived, but soul-nourishing.

Your purpose is within but won’t be uncovered or activated without a little work on your part. This isn’t the publisher clearinghouse and no big check is on the other side of the doorbell. You have to be in a place to want to breathe life into it and push aside all obstacles that challenge it.

A good exercise is to find your “why”...

Dr. Margie Warrell walks us through this exercise in her article for forbes.com: Do You Know Your "Why?" 4 Questions To Find Your Purpose

1. What makes you come alive?
2. What are your innate strengths?
3. Where do you add the greatest value?
4. How will you measure your life?

CHALLENGE: take some time to explore your deepest desires, talents, and purpose to uncover what makes your heart sing. You have the power to make a deeply felt impact on the world while unleashing your own true happiness.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are owning up, stepping in, and taking responsibility without the…” Yeah but!”. No more should’a, could’a, would’a or only if. It’s time to come to terms with the role we’ve played and the choices we’ve made. Only when we own them can we learn and let go. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean you are shackled with regret and shame but the opposite, it’s a chance for freedom. The hamster wheel of rumination can easily trap you into a false sense of searching for the “why”. Keep going, just a little longer and it will all be clear. Instead, you’re in an endless loop of exhaustion, generalizing the events, blurring the lines, bending the facts, and ultimately finishing the story with whatever end you can tolerate. Today we will examine, learn, let go, and move on.

I played tennis for one year in high school. Now, I never fancied myself a tennis player nor did I even really understand the game when I went out for the team. You see, they weren’t necessarily a team to rivel which was apparent when I actually made the team. I was placed in doubles with a player who had grown up playing tennis at the country club. She was a little hot-headed but had a heck of a serve. Looking back I’m not sure I added anything to the pair except maybe some calmness and an attempt to return anything that came on my side of the court. For me, it was a 50-50 shot which for a less than novice player, was much better odds. I had a backup…..a “yeah but”.

Excuses and justifications for our choices are as easy to come by as the air we breathe. Without much thought we bail ourselves out, defending our position at all costs. Sometimes we justify when there isn’t even a call to do so. It becomes second nature. What would happen if we just owned it? Good, bad, and ugly? Instead of just taking credit for our triumphs we took responsibility for our failures. Judgment and criticism are a fearful combination and it keeps us on the lamb. Let’s take a deeper dive into these ideas.

Adam Sicinski helps us out with WHEN PROBLEMS ARISE, HERE’S WHY YOU NEED TO TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY - an article he wrote for his blog, iqmatrix.com

Adam explains a lot about the reasons why taking responsibility is so hard then offers a five-step process for when life just doesn’t seem fair.

Step 1: Acknowledge You’re Responsible

Step 2: Recognize the Value of a Problem

Step 3: Take Ownership of the Problem

Step 4: Figure Out How to Solve the Problem

Step 5: Take Initiative to Instigate Change

Facing your failures is like the starting game you played as a child, at some point you have to blink or look away. It’s tough to admit that you weren’t strong enough or not smart enough or were too selfish. UGH, that’s a hard pill to swallow. Making poor choices based on your own selfish wants…..yeah but! “Yeah but...you don’t know what I was going through at the time…” “Yeah but...they did worse than I did…” “Yeah but...I had to, I had no other options…” We’ve said them all to some degree.

But by adding a “yeah but..” we give ourselves a pass to file it away, all safe, sound, and justified. We have this internal vault full of justifications and we can recall them to serve our current purposes at any time.

What happens if we just admit we did it and then, were honest about why. What is the worst that could happen?

We have to get to a point of acceptance, that the way we’ve always done it doesn’t work, that maybe life is bigger than us and our chokehold on the world isn’t preventing it from kicking our butt. Coming to the end of your understanding means you can be open to accepting new ideas and perceptions.

Getting rid of the “yeah but” means you have the permission to glean the lesson from the failure and then instead of tucking it back into your internal file system, you can shred it for good.

Andy Andrews wrote a book which I have referenced often, The Traveler’s Gift where the main character learns seven valuable life lessons.

Just a snippet from this powerful decision…

From this moment forward, I will accept responsibility for my past. I understand that the beginning of wisdom is to accept the responsibility for my own problems and that by accepting responsibility for my past, I free myself to move into a bigger, brighter future of my own choosing.

Never again will I blame my parents, my spouse, my boss, or employees for my present situation. Neither my education or lack of one, my genetics, or the circumstantial ebb and flow of everyday life will affect my future in a negative way. If I allow myself to blame these uncontrollable forces for my lack of success, I will be forever caught in a web of the past. I will look forward. I will not let my history control my destiny.

If both sides could just understand that responsibility has nothing to do with blame. It has everything to do with hope and control. If everyone could understand this, a lot more people would be grabbing for all the responsibility they could get their hands on because who among us doesn’t want to have hope for a greater future that we can control?

CHALLENGE: Be willing to own it, ALL. Your role, responsibility, outcome, and lesson. To achieve total freedom and the opportunity to move forward your need to let go. To truly let go, you need to forgive, and to forgive you need to understand.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are looking for a deeper meaning, a better vantage point, and a new perspective. Are we making it all too complicated? On this hot pursuit for life’s meaning while rejecting meaningful moment after moment that could be our best teacher. Most of us have failed to retain a pearl of wisdom handed to use from time to time. Discounted the advice as quick as the old timer’s tale of a mile to school, uphill, in snow, both ways! But how many simple, yet impactful, life lessons are there? No way can we cover them all and I won’t even convince you in my relatively short lifespan that I have encountered them all - but with a little help, we will get a good start into understanding how they come about and how to recognize these golden nuggets of revelation.

My grandfather once told me, “if you don’t want to be late, leave a little early.” Now, I’m not sure when that took hold and became an important lesson or if from that moment it just took root but I have always been punctual. I’m also not sure if because of that lesson I take pride in my punctuality or if I just obsess over being late, either way, I’m always on time or early.

As of late, those sentiments and words of advice have hit me harder. I think it’s age and a chance to sit back and take stock of where you are and what you’ve learned. At a younger age I was head down, nose to the grindstone, and mowing over any and all truism. It’s that age of independence when you think you know it all and someone sharing their life experience was just that….them sharing.

If you haven’t come full circle to understanding your parents were actually right then brace yourself - it’s coming.

Sarah Stevenson gets us started with12 Things Your Parents Were Right About

In an article she wrote for healthfully.com ...Sarah gives a great insight into research and statistics that prove these sentiments.

1. Don’t Put All of Your Eggs In One Basket
2. Early To Bed Early To Rise
3. Always Finish What You Started
4. Eat Your Fruits and Vegetables
5. Be Patient
6. Be Thankful for What You Have
7. Wash Your Hands Before You Eat
8. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
9. Take a Nap (if You Can)
10. A Stitch in Time Saves Nine
11. Don’t Do the Crime If You Can’t Do the Time
12. Respect Your Elders

My mother told me: Find someone to fit your life instead of morphing who you are to fit theirs. Now, I could have overlooked that advice and sloughed it off….oh wait I did do that and come to find out, she was right.

Becoming someone else to appease someone else, has only temporary benefits. You are who you are and so are they and eventually, it’s too difficult to keep up the facade. As a result, through trials and tribulations of course (the hazards of not paying attention the first time), I have learned to be honest with who I am, celebrate that, and be willing to share and be vulnerable. I don’t have to have everything figured out or even all together - I can be me, quirky, kooky, creative, passionate, encouraging….ME.

My father told me: Remember you always have one foot in poverty. His meaning was; don’t get comfortable with where you are because it can all come crashing down unexpectedly. That wasn’t to scare me but help me stay humble and focused. As a result, I’ve learned to live inside or just below my means while striving for more.

Marquita Herald shares Life Lessons We Learn The Hard Way in an article she wrote for emotionallyresilientliving.com

We share a collection of great quotes by famous and anonymous people. Here are just a couple…

There are things in life we don’t want to happen but have to accept; things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without, but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon – instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. ~Dale Carnegie

I used to carry a lot of shame and guilt for the choices I’ve made in my life. On the surface, you will always see a smile and for the most part, a positive attitude and an encouraging word but underneath, it was present. I was good at pushing it away, justifying portions of it, and convincing myself that I had grown but the reality was - I was ashamed to face my own failures.

It doesn’t happen in one day or one session of unpacking and taking responsibility. I think like grief, it’s always present to some degree but we can find ways to acknowledge it without being consumed.

I made some dumb choices. Now the t-shirt would read “but that doesn’t define me and I’m stronger for it” blah blah blah. It may be true, but that only helps the situation if you truly believe it. Today, I can say, I would not care so deeply or be so proactive in the work I do if I had not lived and overcome what I did.

Perspective is a powerful thing. It’s your understanding and how you relate to the information you have. We should always be striving for a better, different, or deeper understanding and new perspective.

Sometimes we can get lost in this world. Our ideas, passions, and even our voice can get overshadowed or drowned by what is happening around us, real or not. It feels like whoever has the loudest and most outrageous thing to say or type gets the attention and unless you're comfortable asserting yourself or going against the grain, you settle in for the ride. Becoming increasingly frustrated by this swell of helplessness.

That’s when it’s time to climb up (metaphorically) to a higher vantage point. This way instead of being in the mouse maze you can see it all with a new perspective.

Kristen Lee leaves us with 24 Simple Life Lessons That Are Extremely Important But Too Often Forgotten in an article she wrote for thoughtcatalog.com

Here are just a few…

• Don’t let people invalidate your emotions or hardships, but be sure to maintain a sense of perspective.
• Manage expectations. Manage expectations. Manage expectations.
• The grass is green enough where you are.

...and a lesson I’ve learned that has made a huge difference in my life. Encouragement is the key that can help others unlock potential. Motivation doesn’t happen until you have a goal and a goal can seem impossible until first you are encouraged.

CHALLENGE: visit Mt. Perspective as often as you need a better vantage point. Search your mental library for pearls of wisdom you might have overlooked or been unwilling to accept at the time. Mix those with life learnings of your own gathered through experience. Then SHARE with others as teachers and students will forever be entwined.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we aren’t accepting cheesy smiles, phony laughs, or the ever so popular response, “I’m fine”. Faking happy just takes too much work! Instead of faking it until you make it - let’s try and understand what “it” really is. And how do you know when you’ve arrived at “it” so you can wipe that silly look off your face? If being nice is easier than being nasty and smiling takes less effort than frowning, doesn’t it stand to reason that BEING happy is more rewarding than faking it? Ok, let’s go with that!

So we’ve all been guilty of faking it a time or two, right? You’re in an uncomfortable situation and need to create the illusion that you are having a good time or are totally relaxed. You might have some co-workers that grate on your last never yet it’s better to hide your distaste and soldier on. This too shall pass right?

Elizabeth Scott tells us When Faking Positivity Reduces Stress and When It Backfires - in an article she wrote for verywellmind.com

Fake A Smile?

Fake an Affirmation?

Fake Being Outgoing?

Some people might be good at “faking it” so instead of reaching out, you might think, “Nah - they seem to have it all together” when in reality, they are struggling.

With social media being so widely used for communication and to chronicle our day-to-day - posting and saying only what we want people to perceive has become a trend. The best we have to offer or radically posting cryptic messages of distress. It’s so hard to uncover what is real and what is fake.

Alex Moore helps us see through the lens with 5 Ways to Tell You're Just Faking Happiness in an article for happify.com

Telltale Sign #1: Giant Mood Swings Are a Normal Thing for You

Telltale Sign #2: You're Tired All the Time

Telltale Sign #3: You're Trying Too Hard to Show Others How Great Your Life Is

Telltale Sign #4: You're Totally Isolated from Others

Telltale Sign #5: You're Abusing Alcohol or Other Substances

I’m guessing you shouldn’t leave it up to chance and instead - just try and connect with everyone you encounter in some positive way. This could be from making eye contact with someone at the grocery to asking someone how their day is going to physically going out of your way to assist someone - anyone.

Reaching out with a kind sentiment even if someone is actually doing well is ok too - you don’t have to just look for people in need to help. Think about exercising this muscle by making connections, exuding positive energy, and encouraging everyone daily. People will remember the way you made them feel, crave to be around you, and be inspired to pass that feeling along.

Remember, we are no longer faking it but cultivating it.

Over at the helpguide.com we learn all about how Cultivate Happiness from Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A. and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.

Just a sample:

Myth: Money will make you happy.

Fact: It’s stressful when you’re worried about money. In order to be happy, you do need enough of it to cover your basic needs: things like food, shelter, and clothing. But once you have enough money to be comfortable, getting more money isn’t going to make much of a difference in how happy you are. For example, studies of lottery winners show that after a relatively short period of time, they are no happier than they were before their win.

• Train your brain to be more positive
• Express gratitude
• Keep a gratitude journal
• Count your blessings
• Write a letter of gratitude

Nurture and enjoy your relationships

Make a conscious effort to stay connected

Invest in quality time with the people you care about

Offer sincere compliments

Seek out happy people

Take delight in the good fortune of others

Easy enough? Never as easy as it should be but part of the joy in self-discovery is learning what you are capable of. New ideas, strategies, and experiences are what shape us as we grow. Evolving is about embracing new and letting go of old and it’s continual. I hope you find joy in the journey.

CHALLENGE: before you plaster on the fake smile and buck up to endure the next uncomfortable situation, make a promise to yourself to squelch the sham and find ways to elicit true happiness and joy. Both of which deserve more than just a temporary appearance in your life but a cherished and ongoing role.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…..we are talking about time, not wasting or squandering but investing and spending wisely. When it comes down to it, time is our most precious resource and the only thing we don’t have enough of. So who rushes the weekend, watches the clock, or looks for mind-numbing time-wasters? Ouch - let’s take another look at the effectiveness and these practices so we can explore more self-benefiting strategies. What if boredom or overextending yourself were not really the issues here but a need for balance? A healthy balance of wants, needs, and desires reimagined will bring value to time spent.

I heard this sentiment, “the only thing we don’t have enough of is time”, in an advertisement video for Viking Cruise lines. Isn’t it odd how some things just stick with you? The older gentleman is on a ship stirring what looks to be a big copper cauldron and the boat is rocking a bit and he has this soothing European accent. The words are so true, the meaning so deep, it’s haunting.

We can all relate to vast experiences with time at different phases in our lives. Of course, when you are younger it seems to drag on forever, “when will I get bigger and be able to make all my own decisions?” That seems like a world away. The 20’s felt like forever! When I think of all the things I did and accomplished in my 20’s it makes my head spin. Forty came too quick and now the days, weeks, months, and years steem to fly by. By the time you are ready for it to slow down...you slow down and you are back to watching time creep by.

We all need something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. Where are you short? When we think about effectively investing and spending, balancing your deficit is a great place to start.

We cover some staggering statistics to back up this theory:

The first set comes from Hugh Culver on his blog in an article titled: Thirteen Shocking Facts About How We Waste Time.

For example…

2.34 hours checking email (30% are neither urgent nor important.) (Carleton University)

35 minutes deciding what to eat (New York Post)

The next list comes from Jeanine Skowronski in her article: How much time Americans waste on the daily grind each year, on policygenius.com

Here are just a few we cover…

Commuting: 9.4 days The average American commutes 52 minutes per day or 225 hours a year.

Working: 120 days The average employed American works 7.9 hours a day or 2,883 hours a year.

Cleaning house: 27.4 days The average American spends 1.8 hours a day or 657 hours a year doing household chores.

Eye-opening statistics can really put things in perspective. To be in the driver’s seat of your own life you have to be aware of what’s going on around you and your own contribution to the stats.

Let’s break it down even further: how much “time” are we really talking about here?

Jozef Kutka gives us another perspective on time in his article: How much time do you actually waste in a day? Found on meetfox.com

Time is the only thing you always want more of, but you only seem to have less and less of it. And it doesn’t really matter what you do, father time will always work against you.

So how much time is there?

Let’s start with the basics: There are 24 hours in a day. Let’s assume that you have normal sleeping habits and you sleep an average 8 hours per night. We’re already down to 16 hours.

After a normal day in a working American’s life, we are left with approximately 4 hours and 25 minutes of free time. WOW….Listen to the show to see how we got to that calculation!

Oh boy - another thing to stress over, the management of extra time. Right? Isn’t that what you’re thinking? Being intentional does take a little work but the payoff seems to be much more worth it. Remember those phases or stages of life...yeah one or more of those including a little coasting. Coasting through life would seem more freeform and unintentional.

Want to reduce stress, release joy, and add more happiness? You will need to exercise your intentional muscle.

Leo Babauta walks us through: The Zen Habits Guide to Spending Your Time Intentionally found on zenhabits.net

This article covers some of these questions: How do we stop from just going through it on autopilot, just running to distractions and busy work all the time, just getting through things? How do we keep from feeling overwhelmed and lost at sea? How do we change our habit of being too busy, never having time for the things we want to spend our life on?

Expanding these strategies to build intentional days and the joy of letting go!

Have you ever stopped to think about your ROI - Return on investment? I joked about that after empty-nesting 24 years of raising kids….can I get a phone call?? Geeesh.

But really….being intentional might include making smart investments.

MARELISA shares her thoughts on Time Investment: Invest Your Time Instead of Spending It, on her blog daringtolivefully.com

We cover some thought-provoking perspectives like:

Are you spending your time in a relationship you’re unhappy with because you’re afraid to leave, or are you investing your time in creating a stronger bond with someone you cherish?

Are you spending your time working at a job that pays the bills, or are you investing your time in a vocation that will allow you to create a legacy?

This show is packed...hope you enjoy!

CHALLENGE: Stop the clock and take a realistic look at how and where you spend your time. Invest in love, friendship, experiences, and joy to maximize your investments. Be intentional with your time to build measurable value in our life.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we’re adopting a new perspective and a new mantra; Never Stop Quitting! Wait, that sounds ridiculous, I mean no one likes a quitter, right? Wrong! If you ever tried to stop something and then fell off the wagon, given in to temptation, or just lost your way should that be it? You quit, end of the story? I think now, pick yourself up and quit again, and again, and then again if you need to but NEVER stop quitting. Sometimes the first time just doesn’t stick! So this show isn’t about the art of quitting but the endless pursuit of freedom. Now there’s a spin I can get behind.

I heard the sentiment “Never stop quitting” from a doctor of mine. At first, I thought it was a nervous response to checking my chart and realizing yet again, I had quit smoking. You see, I had quit smoking the last time I was there and here I was a year later letting her know of my newfound success. Instead of chastising me for being unsuccessful, shaming me for succumbing, or making me feel guilty for not being strong enough to see it through she simply said, "Well, never stop quitting” and we moved on.

Wow, how lovely it was to feel support instead of humiliated. I’m not saying that’s what caused it to stick but I have been smoke-free for over 10 years.

How many times have we wanted to change a habit or behavior, but were unsuccessful? I’m guessing you’re human so I’m guessing everyone one of us can recall something that meets that criteria if not a few things. Failure is just a part of life. Some say failure is the best teacher. So imagine failing at your attempts of quitting something you’re needing freedom from…..welp, that didn’t work. Oh well moving on to something else. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, caffeine, sugar, gossip, negativity, anxiety, promiscuity, or doubt - you can be freed. You deserve ownership over your life and your life choices. You have the power to dictate what you choose to participate in and what you don’t. If you don’t have the power to heal yourself you have the power to seek help.

Quitting is not even the first step. Coming to terms with the reality that you need to make a change in your life is step one. Then asserting your authority over that right is step two. If your intention doesn’t go to plan - you can’t just walk away. You owe it to yourself to try again - quit again and turn your life in a new direction with a different approach.

Noelle gets us started with her ideas on How to Stop Falling “Off” the Wagon (for good) found on her blog, Coconuts and Kettlebells.

When people go outside of the rules they’re trying to follow or keep, it often results in feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, and shame. These reactions are rooted in the belief that our interactions with food affect our own self-worth. Following the rules makes you a “good” person. And when those rules aren’t upheld, you’re a failure.

Let’s get real for a second. That wagon? Yeah, it doesn’t actually exist.

The wagon we all refer to is really just a strict set of rules we hope will give us more control of our health, body, or other people’s perception of us. When the rules are being followed, you’re in the wagon, and when a rule is broken—you’re out….

I actually have fantastic willpower when I think about it but only for something I truly want and am ready to tackle. Isn’t that just it? We get a lot of advice from friends, family, spouses….heck even total strangers. Don’t look up a self-help article or you’ll be bombarded with every self-help strategy and product on the planet. You can find programs that advertise 5minutes a day will give you the body of a lifetime to a patch that promises all your cravings will be squelched. There are endless articles about the cause and effect from true research to scare tactics that just don’t work.

I had a doctor tell me that there could be a pill you take once a day to live forever and people would still skip a day. Human will - it’s a curious thing.

Psychologist Catarina Lino offers some insight in her article The Psychology of Willpower: Training the Brain for Better Decisions

5 Ways to Strengthen Willpower

1) Improve Your Self-Awareness

2) Meditate

3) Exercise

4) Eat Well

5) Relax

Willpower Weakeners

Stress is one of the biggest obstacles to self-control. Two other hindrances are self-criticism and temptation.

To set yourself up for success, know your limitations. Be open and honest with yourself. We’ve had a little tongue and cheek with the idea of: Never Stop Quitting but the fact is - never give up on your pursuit of freedom, no matter what you’re needing to be freed from. You deserve the control your body is capable of.

CHALLENGE: If at first you don’t succeed - try, try, again with the knowledge that failure is the challenge to shape you for victory. Embody the notion that quitting anything that isn’t serving you is a critical step but pushing yourself to never stop quitting is the resolve you need to win!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we’re doing more than setting the clocks back, gassing up the mower, and stocking up on cleaning products. We are springing forward, putting ourselves out there in a new way. With new life comes new ideas and inspiration. Let’s use nature's momentum to catapult us to new heights. Been intimidated to speak up, it’s time to find your voice. Procrastinating a major life change, no time like the present to shake things up. Fearful of failure, fooey, you have to be down before you can rise up. Let’s explore why now and why not now?

For too long we’ve accepted the status quo, tabled our own dreams, discounted our desires, and waited….just waited for who knows what. That dream to either die or fall in our laps. That knock at the door where someone is standing on the other side with a big check, a long-lost brother, someone on a knee professing love, the keys to our new car, the nameplate for our corner office…..just fill in the blanks with whatever is plaguing you.

Life happens and we get distracted. We grow up and reality sets in. Someone with bigger needs steps forward to take our place in line. We buy into the negativity and start doubting ourselves and our worthiness…..just fill in the blanks with whatever is preventing you from getting there.

Where is there? Great question. This is the biggest blank of all. What do you want to do next?

We aren’t going to spend time with regret, blaming ourselves for not going for it or for letting our dreams die. No ruminating over that season of your life when you thought everything and anything was possible...we were all there at one point or another.

Today is a new day and tomorrow has possibilities that today doesn’t even know about.

What do you want to do next? Step one. Step two will be about what is preventing you. And step three will be how to take action.

Let’s go!

Jennice Vilhauer Ph.D. helps get us there with an article she wrote for Psycologytoday.com: How to Figure Out What You Want in Life

• Don’t want: I don’t want a spouse who doesn’t appreciate me.
• Want: I want a spouse who adores me and treats me with respect.
• Don’t want: I don’t want to work at this lousy job.
• Want: I want a job that stimulates me intellectually and allows me to be creative.

I was always selling something, a true entrepreneur. I started my first business when I was 8 or 9, selling my own toys on the side of the street. As a latch-key kid, you can imagine my Mother’s reaction to my newfound success. Everything I did, I monetized from a homemade pretzel stand to daffodils at springtime. I had my own handmade jewelry store “Exception to the rule” catchy right? I created a custom shadowbox business and even tried to launch my own line of handbags. I have three trademarks and some might say a lot of pipedreams. But for me, all my attempts created some of the best memories I have. The excitement of a clever idea mixed with the planning and creating, the launch, and the first adoption. Whether that is an actual transaction or someone just getting it. It’s a thrill.

Today my desire is still there, just channeled in a different direction. I’m driven by people and the love I have to see them succeed. My transactions aren’t monetary but soul-nourishing, which to me, is priceless.

Putting yourself out there in a new way might mean rethinking what’s important to you but mixing those ideas with the drivers that have always been in you from the start.

Springing forward with a new idea may or may not include your life’s purpose or passion - but aren’t you curious? Understanding what you’re meant for and what speaks to you will help you step into something new with confidence.

At jackcanfield.com he gives us 10 Life Purpose Tips to Help You Find Your Passion.

1. Explore the Things You Love To Do & What Comes Easy to You
2. Ask Yourself What Qualities You Enjoy Expressing the Most in the World
3. Create a Life Purpose Statement
4. Follow Your Inner Guidance (What Is Your Heart Telling You?)
5. Be Clear About Your Life Purpose
6. Conduct a Passion Test
7. Think About The Times You’ve Experienced the Greatest Joy In Your Life
8. Follow This Example of Finding Purpose
9. Align Your Goals With Your Life Purpose and Passions
10. Lean Into Your True Life Purpose

How about you? What got in your way? When did you change your course and abandoned your ideas?

So many times we throw in the towel on wants and desires if we feel like we’ve missed that window of opportunity. “Well that was when I was young…” age. “Oh, when I was single I thought I would do this or that”. Unencumbered. “If I had the money I might do this or that''. Financial excuses.

Tracy Kennedy brings us 5 Steps to Discover Your Next - in an article she wrote for Thriveglobal.com

Step 1: Take a STEP BACK

Step 2: Take a look at YOU

Step 3: Identify WHAT COULD BE

Step 4: Open up the DOOR

Step 5: Bring it all to LIFE!

CHALLENGE: Use the new life of Spring to inspire you to take action. Be willing to grow in ways you’ve only dreamt of. Spend some time evaluating what’s next and then be open to putting yourself out there in a new way!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...We are initiating our internal filter, editing our narrative, what we consume, and what we say, to find what’s real to us! Everyone wants your time and your attention, loading you down with their ideas and opinions. It can feel like a tug-o-war, swaying your perception to the point of breaking. How do you feel about who you are, what you see, and where you’re going? What would you like to do, to feel, to become? Not sure? No wonder! How could you possibly find time and space to consider your own feelings on anything? No more! It’s not your job to consume everything you hear and it’s not your responsibility to weigh in on every topic or to even have a strong opinion one way or another. We are all working our way through life trying to find balance, love, peace, and respect. To understand our purpose and to embrace our true potential. You have the power to edit and today we start to assert that ability for our own good!

How people gather knowledge has definitely changed through the centuries. My crude way of following that timeline might look like this: early man had to experience things first hand to learn what is good and what is bad. He has scars from running with scissors, singed flanges from touching fire, broken bones from learning about depth perception and his own mortality, and so on. He then began passing these lessons down to the next generation. I’m sure just like the telephone game, the message became a bit muddy and so through the ages, we’ve repeated the same trials only to come up with the same conclusion.

Over time, lessons that were not experienced firsthand began to circulate mixed with personal opinion and focused agenda started to surface. “If you don’t watch it your face will freeze like that”. “That beer will put hair on your chest” - maybe that was just my Father but you get the point.

Things that we heard growing up still stick. Some might call them limiting beliefs. A way of thinking that was given to you that has yet to be tested. This could be personal to you like: “you’re not smart enough”, “you’re too lazy to be taken seriously”. Or they could be about the world around you, influencing your view of people, places, or even feelings.

At some point, it can feel like your thoughts and ideas are not even yours at all but instead absorbed through family, friends, coworkers, media, and public opinion.

Remez Sasson gives us his thoughts: Are You the Creator of Your Thoughts? An article from his blog Success Consciousness.

• You can do so by starting to pay closer attention to your thoughts and ask yourself whether they are helpful or not and whether you need them.
• You can do so by practicing concentration exercises and meditation.
• You can do so by adopting an attitude of detachment toward your thoughts.
• You can do so by striving not to take what people say personally.
• Try to think with common sense and without bias.
• Do not take anything for granted or accept what you hear, see or read without some independent thinking.

Marketing is a science for a reason. It isn’t just about cute, thought-provoking pictures and clever messaging. There is a science that takes into consideration how you learn, what will resonate with you, and what will cause you to take action. “Call to action”. Every marketer knows the piece falls flat without a clear call to action. What next. If it’s just information that doesn’t invoke a response, then it’s worthless.

Most of the time we are unaware of the effect marketing has on us and other times we are mildly aware...man that burger looks so good, ugh now I’m hungry!

Let’s dig into this idea with 14 Psychological Marketing Tips for Customer Mind Control - an article by Cydney Hatch

1. The People Mirrors
2. The Jingle Jam
3. The Psychology of Color
4. The FOMO Feeling
5. The Subtle Design
6. The Sale Mindset
7. The Consistency Comfort
8. The Need of Images
9. The Serial Exposure
10. The Power of Choice
11. The Emotion Message
12. The Created Community
13. The Give and Get
14. The Power of Three

How many times a day do you have a thought and then spend time wondering about the answer. Reasoning based on piecing together the information you have gathered. Problem-solving and investigating using your mind. You don’t. You pick up a device and “google it”. It’s like throwing the ball and having the dog bring it back. Google - “fetch!” And an answer is served up

Allie Volpe helps us with some strategy in How to Stay Sane When the World Seems Crazy - an article she wrote for the NY Times.

• Why we catastrophize
• Accept uncertainty
• Stick to the facts
• Avoid all-or-nothing thinking
• Take care of yourself
• Get involved

...and reach out. Forming real relationships and conversations is a great way to live in the moment, bounce ideas off another person. Share, learn, and grow.

CHALLENGE: Don’t sit idle letting unfiltered information, ideas, and opinions consume you. Edit thoughtfully, searching out the facts and allowing what is real to take root. Your thoughts and what you express matter. Reach out and talk it out.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we may have to dig deep, we may have to open our eyes to a new perspective, and we may have to reserve judgment until we’ve completed our exploration because we are finding gratitude even when we don’t feel grateful. Let’s be honest, I’m not thrilled every second of the day. Over the last year, season, month, and day I’ve been disappointed let down, and frustrated feeling anything but thankful. When you are sinking in the bog of displeasure it’s difficult to count your lucky stars! Don’t you question the whole gratitude practice at least from time to time? Well, friend, you’re not alone. Don’t beat yourself up - instead, we are going to rise above this disillusionment and bring the bigger picture into focus because YES, right out of the gate, there are thankful elements to even the most distressing.

So to get us started I looked up the definition for gratitude and grateful: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.

Now that’s more like it. Showing appreciation and kindness. Shouldn’t that be part of our everyday practice? I’m not sure if it’s just me but the whole “gratitude movement” has made finding gratitude seem like a huge event that you have to experience before you can start your day on the right foot. If you can’t get there emotionally then your entire day shall be doomed! Push out all the negative feelings and only embrace the positive ones. Don’t you dare get out of that bed until you purge your bad and find 5 reasons to smile today.

Now don’t get me wrong, all of these are good things. I love taking negative thoughts and reframing them to find the good. But with anything, a slight twist of perception and the good intent can be thrown completely off. You will have bad thoughts. You will roll your eyes, grumble, and possibly growl. You stub your foot and you might more than likely scream and potentially curse. When you are asked to stay late or give up a fun weekend you will feel salty. You are human!

Finding gratitude doesn’t mean you can’t be human. With everything, we strive for we should be striving for balance. Counterbalance your negative with a healthy dose of positive. Before your low mood takes you down find a positive to give you a hand up.

So YES we should be looking for things in our lives to be thankful for. We should embody this feeling of appreciation and show kindness to others. Help them find their gratitude. But that won’t stop yucky things from happening and the feeling of getting the short end of the stick from time to time.

Mitch Horowitz shares The benefits — and limits — of today’s gratitude movement in an article for the Washington Post

Dr. Summer Allen tells us Why Is Gratitude So Hard for Some People? In an article she wrote for Greater Good Magazine

1. Your grateful genes
2. Your grateful (or less grateful) brain
3. Personality pitfalls

I do an exercise with the women in rehab that includes journaling and visualization. It is to write down 1-3 events that have happened in your life that bring you joy. This could be something you’re particularly proud of, something you love, something that created excitement, or just a warm and fuzzy feeling. Now, for each event, add as many details as you can remember. From what the day was like, to how you felt, even as granular as your face hurt from smiling or you hugged so hard you couldn't let go. The more details the easier it is to transport yourself back to this moment and relive that joyous feeling. That feeling will deliver a healthy dose of happy chemicals into your brain.

When you are in a dark place, feeling low, or angry, and frustrated, it’s hard to conjure up these feelings and much easier to grab a drink or a substance to quickly do the trick.

Instead, refer back to your journal, pick out one of these events, and transport yourself to a happier place and time. Help yourself naturally feel better.

Sarah Steckler tells us Why she no longer focuses on gratitude lists or being more "positive" in her blog mindfulproductivity.

Here are some major myths and assumptions we make all the time:

Myth #1: If you have something good, you can’t have something bad

Just because you have things to be grateful for doesn't mean you can't have things that feel off, upsetting, uncomfortable, or not aligned with what you truly want.

Myth #2: If you have something that someone else doesn’t, you should never complain

Myth #3: The best way to feel better is to focus on the positive

While there are solid and scientifically founded ways of creating neural pathways in your brain that habitually lean toward the positive, the only way out of things is through them

Myth #4: If you’re not happy, something is wrong with you

There’s such a big push for happiness these days. Endless books on how to be happier, how to be a certain % happier, how to be happier in different locations. And while I won’t discredit the merit within those books and that many of those things do in fact help and improve life, it can start to make you feel like there’s something wrong with you if you’re not happy.

Tomorrow when you wake up, take a moment and feel your emotions instead of being quick to dismiss them as you wake up your gratitude muscle. Look for ways to appreciate yourself as you focus on sharing kindness with others. These acts will lead a way to feeling grateful.

CHALLENGE: Feeling grateful and less than grateful are both human emotions so give yourself a break. Take action to understand your feelings while exercising your gratitude muscle. Making it a daily practice takes time and should be at your own pace instead of handed to you. No cliches here but YOU GOT THIS!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we are letting it go, releasing the bad, and purging our toxic feelings. These feelings might be right at the surface bubbling up on a daily basis or they could be buried deep, accumulating throughout our lifetime - either way, they got to go! No more will we let negativity take root and affect our day-to-day causing us to doubt ourselves and the people we encounter. No more will we be burdened by regret blaming ourselves for past, present, or future. Today we are taking ownership of the next step in our lives and choosing to follow a new path. A new path of understanding and awareness and a new path to power. The power to forgive and let go, unshackling us to become something new.

So let’s be real, do you need a reminder to purge toxic feelings? Do I need to dedicate a show and initiate and explore forgiving and letting go? The fire is hot, it burns your finger, you pull your hand back. Should this be a natural response to all things which are bad for us? Oh boy, that does make perfect sense but for whatever reason, it’s not that easy. I don’t know that we intentionally seek out the bad, rolling around in the stink like a precocious puppy. But nevertheless, it’s all around us and hard to dodge on a daily basis. Sometimes it feels as if we are on our backs floating aimlessly in a sea of negativity. Rising with the swells and being sucked under by the current coming up barely able to get our breath.

Do we really have a choice? Or is it easier to adopt the mantra “If you can’t beat 'em, join 'em”? Let’s look at the pros and cons from every angle. It isn’t just a matter of letting in negativity, listening, and even repeating. What happens when negativity takes root? How does it change us and our lives? Can a sunny disposition solve your problems or could it prevent you from being present and walking through the hard times?

What if we said no, deal with what we were already carrying around, let go freeing ourselves, and moved on. Then what?

Elizabeth Scott, MS, is the author of "8 Keys to Stress Management." She shares the effects toxic feelings can have on us in an article she wrote for verywellmind.com: How Negative Emotions Affect Us

Managing Negative Emotions

Negative Emotions vs. Positive Emotions

Even Positive Emotions Have Downsides

A technique, outlined in research by Ceri Sims, has the acronym TEARS of HOPE. Here's what this entails….just to get you started:

Tears

T - Teach and learn: This means to embrace self-awareness and increase personal knowledge of your body and mind, and how they are responding to stress and other emotional states. This allows you to understand when you are upset and why, and be better able to interpret the signals your body is sending.

E - Express and enable sensory and embodied experiences: This one sounds a little more complicated but it simply involves encouraging openness and curiosity within yourself to increase your acceptance of what comes….listen to the show for the rest!

It really is all about balance. I used to be so black and white, hot or cold, yes or no. But now I see the gradient and strive to live in its balance. But could someone really be too positive? Too happy? That seems like something only a pessimist would say but when you step back and look at the bigger picture, it’s really unrealistic for even the most optimistic person not to have a bad day.

How you pull yourself out of the dumps and over the humps can make all the difference in the world.

Samara Quintero, LMFT, CHT, and Jamie Long, PsyD give us their insight in an article for thepyscologygroup.com: Toxic Positivity: The Dark Side of Positive Vibes

While there is certainly something to be said for having a sunny disposition on life, it’s also possible to overdose on the sickeningly sweet nectar of platitudes such as “everything is awesome!”

They explore:

Shame

Suppressed emotions

Isolation

Relational problems

I spoke with someone the other day who was going through some tough trials on their journey. As you know I’m a visual thinker and speaker so I shared some visualization that helps me. Sometimes in life, you are overwhelmed with the pressures all around you - I liken it to being in the jungle hacking your way through with a machete. Imagine a dense jungle where you can’t see anything in front of you but what presents itself to be directly in your way. HACK HACK HACK. Now, imagine you can crawl up to a higher vantage point. Look down at your life with the perspective of an aerial view over a mouse maze. You can see where you’ve come from, where you are going, and any pitfalls in your way. You can also see the sheer size and scope of what you’re dealing with. Wouldn’t this type of perspective be invaluable?

To help you gain this vantage point I like to think of my heart and soul as being unmeasured by this world. Inherent to me it is what makes me unique and distinct. My heart and soul will not be undone but will live above the trials of this world forever. My body is my flesh and it is susceptible to the pain of my journey. It must endure my trials and power through but it can be broken and will eventually be no more. This is the difference between the mouse maze and the machete.

Psychologist Nick Wignall shares How to Change Negative Thinking Patterns for Good - A Beginner’s Guide to Cognitive Restructuring - in an article he wrote for medium.com

STEP 1: Hit the pause button.

STEP 2: Identify the trigger.

STEP 3: Notice your automatic thoughts.

STEP 4: Identify your emotional reaction and note how intense it is.

STEP 5: Generate alternative thoughts.

STEP 6: Re-rate the intensity of your emotional response.

CHALLENGE: As you strive to hit your balance in the gradient take an intentional approach to our day and become the gardener of your mind. You decide what is planted, what takes root, and what you harvest to share with others. Prune back or pull the invasive to make room for your goodness to bloom.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are looking for the good. Intentionally trying to find the positive in everything we do because what you seek, you shall find. Where you put the majority of your attention will yield the biggest returns. Could it be that easy? Positive or negative, you can control the yield. So take a moment to think about your day, week, or month. What are you pursuing? Where is your focus? Are you being intentional, seeking the good, and inviting in the positive, or just getting lost in the chaos. Collectively, we can either drown in the negatively spewing our own buckets of hate OR we can rise above and intentionally pursue the good. The good in ourselves, in the people we encounter, and in our daily interactions with the world.

Do you know the only way to get rid of darkness is to add light? Darkness is the absence of light so to change it any other way, simply doesn’t work. Sometimes we can get so focused on the darkness in our lives, bumping around hitting wall after wall. Blaming and shaming, pursuing things we can not change. We focus on what went wrong with our lives as a justification to stay stuck where we are, chastising ourselves for poor choices and lack of knowledge. Dark.

So much of what we obsess about is out of our control but we can’t seem to accept that or forgive ourselves. Forgiving ourselves would mean granting ourselves freedom to move on and step into the light but then what? What would happen with all that stuff? The stuff we feel responsible for, burdened by, even plagued. Shouldn’t we carry this around as evidence that we’re no good?

Dani DiPirro shares how to light up your life: 5 ways to make your path brighter. She is an author, blogger, and designer living in Washington, DC. Dani launched PositivelyPresent.com in 2009 with the intention of sharing her insights about living a positive and present life (something that didn’t always come easy to her!).

Here are her thoughts...This morning I was walking down the same path I had walked down the night before and it suddenly dawned on me how different my thoughts were in the daylight. Last night, I'd been walking down the brick path late at night and I'd been slightly scared, walking fast, clutching my keys, and occasionally looking over my shoulder. But when I ventured down the same path this morning, I was walking leisurely, strolling along and not once considering looking behind me. It dawned on me that that's the difference between night and day, between darkness and light.

The 5 Best Ways to Shed Light on Your Path

1. Bring your own source of light.
2. Choose your route carefully.
3. Imagine the best possible scenario.
4. Be prepared for the dark spots.
5. Life is filled with light and dark

Don’t you love when you hear golden nuggets of inspiration that take root in and you're able to apply them throughout your life in so many ways? Well, that happened to me several weeks ago and I had to share.

I was listening to a horse trainer give his story and in it came an important revelation. He was talking about working with a new horse. Now, this wouldn’t be a typical trail horse but a horse that works a ranch. One required to be a part of the team and perform critical duties for his rider. So synergy and trust would be crucial here. The trainer talked about two ways you can get to that point. You could pull back, kick, spur, and shout, over correcting his every move until he does what you want. Or, you could be patient, ride it out until he does something just right, and then celebrate this achievement, praising him, and asking for more just like that.

Now, with these types of nuggets, I like to climb up high for a bigger perspective and look out to see how this affects other areas of my life. Be patient, ride it out, and celebrate the good asking for more of the same.

So many times we stay perched on the negative waiting for the other shoe to drop. We listen to negative banter, sensational headlines, and tragedy after tragedy and our perception is everything is falling apart so why bother. We are back in the darkness. But looking for the good, waiting out the storm instead of being overtaken by it, and celebrating the things going right adds in the light. A slight shift of perspective can open up a whole new world.

Now we all know this to be fact, you can’t turn on the news without hearing the bad and feeling worse. It’s a commonly accepted practice today. But besides the immediate shift in your overall well-being, could there be long-term effects to this kind of focus?

Elena Molokotos shares her insight in an article reviewed by the Scientific Advisory Board: The Effects of Media on Memory posted on psychcentral.com.

Our access and exposure to media dramatically increased over the last decade, specifically in terms of quantity and available modalities with widespread implications for different aspects of human life. Media engagement impacts how we form relationships with strangers to how we experience life as a whole. One such impact, perhaps less commonly discussed, is the media’s effect on human memory and how this affects the way we recall history.

Catch the show for all the details on these findings…

What if we concentrated on only sharing the good? Now, don’t get me wrong, everyone needs an accountability partner or a safe and trusting inner circle i.e. support group or close friends so for this experiment I’m referring to what we speak to the world. What if your water cooler story was about something funny or heartwarming? What if your social posts were uplifting and encouraging? What if you chose to turn the other cheek and not engage with something that rubbed you the wrong way?

Well Dr. Holly Parker, a lecturer at Harvard University and a psychologist in private practice gives a new perspective on sharing an article for psychologytoday: The Art and Science of Celebrating the Good Times

When it comes to the jolly stuff of life, we humans love talking about it, even if it’s with just one other person. On anywhere from 60-80 percent of our days, we mention a positive moment to someone else. Just think about a time when something really cool happened, you got wonderful news, or you simply experienced a pleasant point in your day.

Capitalization allows us to relish the feelings that arise from a wonderful, significant turn of events or simply an amusing moment.

1. Start small.
2. Give what you'd want to get.
3. Take an active-constructive approach.

I love sharing the good and for me, with anything, I need to make time to be intentional. I need structure in my day to work on all the things I want and need to do. From exploring and reading, to learning new things, and connecting with others. Life can get away from you and before you know it, instead of paddling against the current you are simply floating along picking up all the debris as you go. Everyone wants your attention and not necessarily to influence you with positive things that will help your growth. Start to take notice of your day and where your attention lies. Break up your day because some of us tend to be more conscious in the morning where others are more alert at night.

CHALLENGE: if needed, shift your focus from ruminating about the past, being frustrated by things outside of your control, or partaking in the negative narratives of the world. Instead open yourself to receive the light of goodness, gratitude, and joy knowing what you seek you shall find.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we are giving it all, 100%, our best, every time, always! Sounds ambitious huh - but I’m going to let you in a little secret early on to set the tone for the show. All you can give is what you have and nothing more. Now if you let that sink in a while….or let’s say over the course of this show, you will see that is enough, and the knowledge of this fact is the ultimate freedom. Now I know some of you overachievers out there are thinking what happened to the 10%, you know the 10% more - giving 110%. Well, let me clear that up for you. There is no 10%. ALL of it is exactly that, ALL - everything, and nothing more. I appreciate your tenacity and never want you to lose the drive but let’s just concentrate on the totality of this concept.

I really don’t mean to make light of the fact that giving 100% every time to everything you do seems exhausting and actually unrealistic. Even someone as motivated and enthusiastic as I am can see that seems far-fetched. If you are thinking the same thing then you have a couple of choices. Some of us see things through and all or nothing lens. Hot or cold, on or off, black or white. With this kind of approach, it’s easy to think of this concept and immediately be ready to through in the towel the minute something happens. “Welp I blew it today so nevermind, I’ll try again tomorrow - I give up”. If this sounds like you then you can see where getting to the point of 100% consistency in your efforts, may seem like a mirage.

Before you hit that point, let me let you off the hook and share a revelation I found through a book by Don Miguel Ruiz - you might have heard me mention him a time or two. He wrote a book called The Four Agreements which has really shaped some new thinking for me.

The Four Agreements are:

Be Impeccable With Your Word.

Don't Take Anything Personally.

Don't Make Assumptions.

Always Do Your Best.

One of the agreements is: Always Do Your Best. I want to share this new perception with you and then we will dig into some of the details on this concept.

Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good. When you wake up refreshed and energized in the morning, your best will be better than when you are tired at night. Your best will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick; it will depend on whether you are feeling wonderful and happy, or angry and upset.

BAM! There you go - all you are responsible for is your best. Nothing more. On the days you are struggling and only have 20% in the tank, give it all because 100% of 20% is - you got it, 20%.

No longer do you have to throw in the towel on your less-than-stellar days. You still have an opportunity to give 100% and feel the satisfaction of doing your best.

For so long we’ve been focused on the glass have empty or half full. How do you see it are you an optimist or a pessimist. At this point, you’re almost afraid to answer. But no matter how much is in the glass all you have to do is pour it out. ALL of it, give it all because that’s what you have to give today and that’s enough.

You might wrestle with this newfound enlightenment, maybe even push back thinking how I can do my best when I can’t be the best. Maybe 100% of the 20 you have to give is not enough. You need to be perfect, all or nothing.

Dr. Ilene Strauss Cohen helps us understand this challenge in an article she wrote for psycologytoday.com: How to Let Go of the Need to Be Perfect

Change your mindset.

Build self-reliance.

Learn to let go.

Make your own decisions.

Remember, you can’t hate your way into accepting yourself.

Make peace with the “now” before you feel satisfied with the “later.”

….oh if it were just that easy but listen to the show, we go into a lot of detail!

That’s just it, being committed to doing your best is no guarantee you’ll win or come out on top every time. Everyone wants to win and succeed but that’s not the point here. The point is you have the freedom to give what you have to give and the opportunity to commit to yourself to do it every time in every situation.

Remy Blumenfeld shares his ideas on Why "Doing Your Best" Is A Better Bet than "Being The Best" in an article he wrote for forbes.com

Do you Accept Your Own Ambition?

Are you choosing what you want to be driven towards?

Do you compete with others all the time or only when it serves you?

Have you got enough ambitious people around you?

Are you willing to take risks?

With this idea safely in our tool belt let’s explore another eye-opener that might help you effectively use the 20% or 80% you do have to give and that’s the 80/20 rule.

Thaisa Fernandes shows us How You Can Apply the 80/20 Rule in Your Life and Work in an article she wrote for medium.com

The Pareto principle or 80/20 rule is the universal truth about the imbalance of inputs and outputs. The main point is to find the small things that give you the biggest results.

Here are some 80/20 Rule Examples:

80% of problems originate from 20% of projects.

60% of your distractions come from 40% of sources.

70% of customers only use 30% of software features.

90% of complaints are made by 10% of users.

80% of value is achieved with the first 20% of effort.

85% of the important conversations are from 15% of the emails.

• Identify your key tasks based on your goals.
• Clarify and unblock.
• Use the 80/20 framework.
• Work smarter.

With these ideas and your newfound freedom, how could you ever settle for less? Settling means accepting and accepting means giving up. I don’t know about you but that’s not in my vocabulary. I understand that I am always learning and growing and to give up on where I am right at this moment is to not have hope for the future. Hope is not a wish for better days ahead it’s a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

CHALLENGE: today, no matter what you have available, give it all. Doing your best meets you where you are and asks for only what you have to give. Evaluate where you’re depleted and leverage what offers you the best returns.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are giving ourselves a break! Not what usually comes to mind when you hear the word “judgment” but enough already. Why so harsh?? Don’t you deserve the benefit of the doubt, a second chance, maybe a third or fourth - FREEDOM for goodness sake? If you are tuning in because this show might have some political mudslinging or sensitive and controversial topics to weigh in on then sorry to disappoint, Encouragementology covers positive alternatives to life’s LITTLE challenges in a lighthearted and all-inclusive kind of way. Stay with me, I promise to give you a new perspective or at least some encouragement to get over the hump.

So when did you become your harshest critic? You might not even realize that you are just that, harsh or your own critic. Things we feel or say about ourselves in the privacy of our own minds are just that, private and no one knows but unless we wear these judgments we’ve given ourselves. We walk into a room with them, we introduce them to potential friends or business associates, we expose them through our words and our actions.

Sometimes I feel like two different people with distinct personalities and purposes. Each with their own set of strengths and weaknesses. I like elements of them both and at times wish they could merge and be on the same page. Before you reach out for professional help for me, let me explain. Professionally I’m strong, assertive, confident, direct, and sometimes even stubborn. Probably really stubborn but I’m intentionally giving myself a break here. People who met me professionally would echo these traits even calling me persistent, tenacious, strategic, and futuristic in my thinking. Personally, however, I don’t always feel these strengths. Oh, I can talk for sure, I am direct and I do have plenty of opinions. But I’m not as confident in what I’m saying or doing. There are times when I need validation and as much as that’s hard to admit, it’s true. I seek approval and without it, I am left wanting and a little lost. This is partly because I’m a classic people pleaser which is not a simple thing to correct. My knee-jerk will always be to please and seek approval. Since I’m now fully aware of this behavior I can sometimes correct it on my own. Progress. Also, Matt is very understanding and gently helps me see reality when I’m spinning.

I used to judge this aspect of myself pretty harshly, making light of it. Through this journey and this walk, I’m learning it’s ok to not have everything figured out, not to be perfect in all areas of your life, and to let people see your vulnerable side when you need understanding.

Hanna Brooks Olsen kicks off our exploration with The Spotlight Effect: Why You’re Your Own Worst Critic in an article she wrote for creativelive.com

“You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do,” wrote David Foster Wallace in his 1996 tome, Infinite Jest. Three years later, a pair of psychologists would give that same sentiment a name: the spotlight effect.

A big part, then, of shame resilience – and of getting out of our own way, creatively – is the understanding that everyone is suffering from the same spotlight effect, and that everyone needs to be treated kindly – ourselves included.

Oh if we could just believe that every time. But our first reaction or maybe it’s just me (doubt it) is to say “oh know, what did I do now”. Immediately I put myself at fault no matter what it is. I start searching my mind and replaying scenarios believing I can piece together what the other person must be thinking about me.

Have you ever hear of Don Miguel Ruiz and his Four Agreements?

The Four Agreements are: * Be Impeccable With Your Word. * Don't Take Anything Personally. * Don't Make Assumptions. * Always Do Your Best.

But the one I want to highlight here is, don’t take anything personally.

Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own minds; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Of course, even if they aren’t talking about you, you’re doing enough talking about yourself for the both of you. Remember those private, judgmental conversations you have with yourself when you think no one is listening? Still harmful!

Laconciergepyschologist.com gives us 10 Ways to Stop Being Your Worst Critic

1. Be Your Own BFF
2. Journaling
3. Identify What We Can and Cannot Control
4. Mindfulness
5. Practice Breathing Exercises
6. Distinguish Self-Compassion from Complacency
7. Create a Self-Compassion Mantra
8. Express Gratitude
9. Challenge the Negativity
10. Schedule in Regular Self-Compassion Breaks

MANAL GHOSAIN shares How to Let Go of Judging Yourself from onewithnow.com

How can we let go of self-judgment?

This is by no means a definitive guide. It’s a simple 3-step process that I hope you can work with on a regular basis to gradually let go of judgment.

1- Notice

2- Allow

3- Actively choose to let go

Judgment is not based on logic, but on emotional and conditioned reactivity that does not care one iota about rationality or perspective. To let go is to give yourself permission to feel and be okay with yourself as you are, without the complications of the intellect or the demands of action.

When we gradually let go of self-judgment, we’ll ease on our judgment of others. Over time, we will dissolve a lot of the emotional habits and beliefs that have weighed us down for so long, almost effortlessly. Letting go of judging ourselves is one of the hardest things to do. But it’s truly a liberating and life-transforming act.

CHALLENGE: put down the gavel and give yourself a break. Break the cycle of shame, guilt, and judgment. Spend precious time with yourself thinking, wondering, and listening. Stifle the critic, say no to self-judgment, and allow your goodness to shine through.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are celebrating a lifelong love of learning. Ok, maybe you’re not ready for a celebration just yet I mean life lessons can seem cruel but we are going to spend some time walking through the process stopping to appreciate the little gifts - revelations and enlightenment. Can we all laugh at the fact you can be told something a thousand times in different ways but until you come to a level of understanding on your own, you just won’t buy it. Some may say hard-headed but that’s the beauty of life and all it has to teach us. Not all lessons are painful and with a natural curiosity, this pursuit for knowledge about yourself and the world around you can be the fun part of the journey.

If you would have used words like “lifelong learning” too little Kendall she would have thought you were crazy. What do you mean learning for a lifetime? Are you ever done? Won’t I ever be smart enough? What’s the point?

As with many things, we’ve been conditioned to look for the destination to completion of the race, to file the paperwork, etc. To grasp this concept that you are never quite complete is a hard pill to swallow. Unless you look at it as a gift. I am never complete, I get to keep trying again and again. The more I learn the more I grow, the more I grow the more I learn. How wonderful. I’m on a lifelong journey pursuing knowledge and wisdom through experiences and my connections. Isn’t that a better way to view the glass?

Why You Should Never Stop Learning from heragenda.com

Broadening horizons

Keeping your mind sharp

Giving back

Confidence boost

Find something new

Throughout your journey, you will wear different hats and play different roles in regard to your education. Sometimes you’ll be the teacher, sometimes the student, other times the curriculum designer, and maybe even the proctor of your own life challenges.

What have you learned that was an ah-ha moment for you? Have you heard yourself echoing the same things your parents tried so hard to drill into your head earlier rather than later?

Sometimes it’s the most basic of concepts. Have you heard of the book: All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum? Be prepared for mind-blown and the revelation that you may have not been paying attention to.

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.

This whole concept reminds me that the many hours I spent watching some incredibly ridiculous reality tv was a huge waste of time and mind space. The fodder that I allowed to be filtered through my precious mind is almost criminal. I’m now at that precious place in my life where I want more and more and more. More ideas, perspectives, concepts, experiences...ALL of it, and more of it. I’ve been obsessed with reading about exploration and significant historical events. No longer am I interested in purely entertainment - I want to learn!

I found a delightful article full of learning from Quincy Seale; 8 Life Lessons From Benjamin Franklin

1. Winners Wake Up Early
2. Clear Your Head
3. Make A Plan
4. Never Stop Learning
5. Routine is a Good Thing
6. Take It Easy
7. Make Time For Family, Friends, and Fun
8. Take Time to Reflect

There is so much to be learned along the way. Everyone wants to blaze their own trail but why not pick up some tools from the ones that went before you. Imagine the enlightenment that Benjamin Franklin had and was able to pass down through all of his work. What are you learning that you can pass on?

Linda Darby shares some of life’s truths with us on, Have the Talk of a Lifetime. Talkofalifetime.com

Here are just a few…

Attitude

Don’t let your age define you – It’s just a number, right? How many times have you met someone and been shocked when you learn how old they are?

Relationships

Relationships first – Ultimately, our relationships with our family and friends are among the only things that matter. Make time to talk to them. Nurture and protect these relationships every single day. Who haven’t you talked to in a while?

Things vs Experiences

Experience life – Traveling and trying new things are incredibly satisfying, especially compared to material stuff. Seize every opportunity you can, and invite your family and friends to join you! Keep a journal as you go. It will help you share the memories when you get home.

I love that I’m still learning. How defeating would it be if this was it? My goal is to reprioritize my world to include space to intentionally learn. I’m more aware than ever of what I allow in my mind and how I use the information. For me, connections and making time to encourage others are important. Life-balance is critical for my well being so I’m constantly striving to give enough yet have enough.

11 Life Lessons from Maya Angelou on Christine Mann’s blog, youneverstoplearning.com

Here are just a few…

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'

'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'

'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back....'

CHALLENGE: Increase your curiosity and pursue more. More knowledge, more experiences, more connections, and more joy. Celebrate the revelations and the enlightenment of finally connecting the dots. Take that learning and share it with others as you grow.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we’re owning it; the good, bad, and yes the ugly! After all, it’s your journey. Sure some played a role, maybe even a vital role, but in the end, the choices you made and the direction you took were all you. Even if you chose to follow instead of lead, your choice. You might think this show is going to be full of tired old journey cliches like; it’s “Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.” or “Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination.” and even still; “Peace is a journey of a thousand miles and it must be taken one step at a time.” and a million more. As nauseating as they can be at times, they are right. You’re on it my friend, whether you embrace the challenges, celebrate the successes, or just go along for the ride. You set out on your journey the day you were born and well….we all know how it ends but what you do in the meantime can give you a lifetime of love, learning, and joy.

I think responsibility is an important attribute to have in life. Personally and professionally. It’s wonderful to have responsibility for things, people, and concepts but also to demonstrate responsibility in your actions and throughs. Owning your responsibility for choices and actions means confessing the reality of the situation to yourself and even to others. I see claiming it as the actional profession and owning it is making space for the learning in your character makeup. “I did it, it’s mine, and here is how it’s impacted my life and changed my behavior”.

Accepting responsibility doesn’t include, “yeah but…” Yeah but can be that little degree of justification that can temporarily relieve you of the guilt, shame, but also the most important part, the learning. “Well I did it, yeah but he also did it too or she told me it was ok or they wronged me and I had no choice.”

All of that may have influenced your choice but that’s not the exercise here. Owning your responsibility is.

Steve Rose, PhD, is an addiction counselor who gives us his insight on Why Responsibility is so Important in our life. On his website, stevenrosephd.com

I’ve been challenged with these questions in my own practice - what if the trauma you suffered was out of your control - how are you supposed to take responsibility?

Steven says, if you’ve experienced trauma leading to mental health issues, you are not responsible for the problem, but you are responsible for being part of the solution.

The same goes for a heredity illness. You are not responsible for the problem, but you are responsible for being part of the solution. Falling into a victim mindset only serves to strengthen the problem.

So why is responsibility important?

Responsibility is important because it provides a sense of purpose, in addition to building resilience amidst adversity on an individual and societal level.

Like an addiction, sidestepping responsibility may feel good in the short-term, but leads to exponentially worse pain and suffering in the long term.

See, your journey involves more than just choosing a path, forging forward tripping over flora and fauna, nursing your wounds, and praying for the end to come. You have a responsibility to yourself, to your family, and to all beings. When your parents nurtured you and encouraged you to walk celebrating your curiosity for life their wish was for you to be a kind and responsible human being. Between the lines was the thought that would contribute in some great way not that you would simply avoid conflict and make it unscathed.

So no matter where you currently are on your journey, no matter how prepared or ill-prepared you’ve been, no matter how lost and off-track your course may seem, you can turn it around. You can own your journey starting today.

Jill Huettich gives us The Road Map to You: Find the Best Version of Yourself in an article she wrote for wealthfit. I love her ideas on the importance of finding yourself and using that as a guild on your journey.

Look Back to Move Forward

Reflect

View Your Past with Compassion

Act "As If"

Discover Your Life Purpose

Uncover Your Motivation

Visualize Your Future

Determine Your “Golden Rules”

Your Reputation Is a Great Place to Start

Get Started Today

What a great vantage point and fabulous insight. All these tools, even the ones you can’t seem to fit into your tool belt today are valuable. Let them take root in your subconscious so that when you need them, they’re easy to recall. So once you’ve taken responsibility, really owned your role in where you are today, viewed your path from a different vantage point, uncovered the true you - it’s time to forge forward. I mean really, part of the preparation is in the doing. Yep, there is another meme-worthy cliche.

4-lessons on how to find the right direction in life, Bob Miglani an article on tinybuddha.com

Bob Miglani made a life change when stuck at a crossroads. He shares what lead him to this place in his life and the lessons he learned as a result.

1. Stop overthinking.
2. Try anything. Do something.
3. Follow your inner voice.
4. Believe in yourself.

By taking small steps each and every day, putting aside over-thinking, and realizing that you have everything you need deep within, you can find the right direction in your life. And while it may not be the direction you expected, it will work out just fine.

CHALLENGE: re-route and re-engage on your journey to self-discovery. Own the bumps, pitfalls, and detours by taking responsibility for the choices you’ve made and responsibly using that learning to forge on. Clear a path to finding you and let that be your guide.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we’re talking about LOVE! Not blinded by, crazy in, or even unconditional without boundaries. We’re exploring healthy, inspiring, and encouraging love. It’s not just about how you love but how you accept love. Do you demonstrate the type of love you’re looking for? What about control in the name of love…..yep that’s a real thing too. Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection. Sounds like an emotion that you feel, it’s yours. What about love as a verb: to like or desire (something) very much: to take great pleasure in. Wreckless love that is driven by expectations without boundaries can be dangerous love. Let’s explore loving with a gentle touch.

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect and consider love from many angles during my lifetime. I think the way we view love evolves as we grow and our needs and desires change and morph.

Let’s explore the different types of love, hopefully hitting on one you cherish and a few you need to re-evaluate. After all, we are sharing, learning, and growing.

Love stretches wide and deep to encompass the passionate affair you experience as your first love, the heart-pounding love you feel when you see your child for the first time, and the gentle love you feel for your parents as they grow older. A common thread throughout each of these types of love is care and consideration for someone. Ultimately, that care and consideration are best expressed through the word "compassion."

Corrina Horne shares her thoughts about compassion in an article she wrote for betterhelp.com: What Is Compassionate Love?

Compassion is a concern for the welfare and well-being of others. Compassion does not necessarily require a focused love to exist but is often thought of as a form of love in and of itself: a love for humankind as a whole. Compassion is argued to be the bedrock for kindness and selflessness, as compassion focuses attention outward rather than inward, and is an example of both empathy (putting yourself in someone else’s shoes) and sympathy (feeling sad, sorry, or distressed on someone's behalf without necessarily putting yourself in their situation).

It could be argued that all love is compassionate love. Indeed, some would argue that love is not loving at all unless it is coupled with compassion. On the other hand, affection and attachment without compassion are far more akin to infatuation or obsession than love. While it is not entirely true that love cannot be felt without also feeling compassion, love is best and most effectively put into practice when compassion is present.

Tune in for more…

I made a change almost eight years ago. Oh, you’re always changing as you grow some of which is automatic and unnoticeable but this was a dramatic shift that I orchestrated. It was time for a change and I was ready to change. For me, it was a crossroads of sorts that inspired my need for more. I had spent too much emotional, physical, and financial resources trying to control others. At the beginning of this journey, I was convinced that with more effort and energy things would work out just as I intended. It was clear to me that I had the solution to happiness if everyone would just follow my lead. Of course, in my mind, this was all about love. I loved these people and wanted the best for them…..or so I thought. So I kept pushing and pulling, demanding and bargaining but no matter what I did, they did what they wanted. Most of which was not in my magic plan for success. So I was frustrated and hard on myself thinking I should be doing more. What was I missing here? Why wouldn’t these people want to be happy? Didn’t they love me enough to change?

It’s amazing how you can believe that and without a shadow of a doubt, insist that you’re right.

Not really sure what the final straw was 8 years ago. I believe it was a convergence of ideas and experiences that finally released the pickle jar lid - but I got it. No one is going to change to meet my expectations. You see, they are MY expectations no theirs. All I could do is find love without expectations - compassion. I had to let people live their lives, make mistakes, pick themselves up, and carry on all without my interference. Easy task - of course not. I had deeply rooted compulsive behaviors and how could I think I could change others when I wasn’t even getting it right!

So I started working on me. Getting healthy, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Coming face-to-face with all my idiosyncrasies, owning them, learning from them, forgiving myself, and forging on in a new direction.

I am inherently compassionate and do love people and want to see them succeed. I just had my approach all wrong. Nothing that can’t be righted with a little work. Now I encourage instead of control and inspire instead of demand. But first I connect, listen, and understand. This is their life and sometimes they just want to share and be heard. No need to rush to the rescue which frees me up a great deal to love without expectation.

Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT -Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist discusses this idea of Unconditional Love: How To Give It & Know If It's Healthy in an article she wrote for mindbodygreen.com

The term unconditional love does not mean love without limits or bounds. It means, "I offer you my love freely without condition." This means that when we offer our love, we offer it without expectation of repayment. It is important to offer this type of unconditional love in our relationships. Otherwise, we are offering love with "strings attached." This creates power and control imbalances.

Conditional love might sound like this:

• "I always gave you so much love, and this is the thanks I get?"
• "Your father and I wanted you to become a doctor. We did everything for you, and now we are disappointed with your choice to be an artist."
• "I cannot believe that is who you are marrying! I would think you'd respect me more than that after all of the love I gave you."

It is healthy to offer your love without strings attached. Otherwise, we are not truly loving the other person. Rather, we are using affection as a tool to control. It is not healthy to offer love without boundaries….

So many times it comes down to first loving yourself. We hear this mantra and see the quotes or memes so often it seems a bit cliche, like live, laugh, love. But let’s be real, how can you fully and wholeheartedly love someone else if you can’t love yourself.

What does loving yourself even mean? Well, it starts with showing yourself the same kindness, patience, respect, and forgiving spirit that you show others. Are you going to make mistakes - yes. Are you going to like everything about yourself - no. Can you love yourself but still desire to change aspects of your life - of course! Self-acceptance doesn’t mean settling for who you are and where you are without the desire for change. It’s being mindful about those things, accepting that where you are and who you are right now is ok and then having patience with yourself as you grow and change.

Magda Kay gives us tips on What does “self-love” really mean and how to start loving yourself - an article on her own blog - Bravebelle

1. Become aware of your inner voice
2. Take control of your inner voice
3. Treat yourself like a child...with a gentle tone, love, and kindness
4. Love yourself emotionally and physically

CHALLENGE: be gentle with love, for yourself and with others. Encourage & inspire instead of controlling and bargaining. You can have a deep capacity for love by first expanding the love for yourself through self-awareness and acceptance.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we aren’t relying on rubbing the lamp, three wishes, or even luck to change your lives - we are taking control by changing our mindset and changing our direction. Too many times we’ve left it up to chance, waiting for a rainy day, or a “sign” that never comes. So we wait. All the while ignoring our power to activate real action in our lives. Forge forward with a renewed mind and the motivation we need to propel us forward. The mind is a terrible thing to waste so let’s tap in and see where it takes us.

How many times do you say, “when I win the lottery I’m going to do X, Y ,Z?” Now just for fun, how many of you actually play the lottery? Why do we put things we would love to do into this futuristic bubble that we’re never going to pop? Sometimes it’s fun fantasizing about what life could look like. Remember when you were young and you played those games; where you were going to live, what kind of house you would have, what kind of car you would drive, who you would marry, and how many kids you would have. How about the magic 8-ball; yes, no, maybe, outlook not good, signs point to yes.

At one point, early in life, you thought everything and anything was within your reach. Then you were told no - ‘no, no, no!” and you started to doubt yourself. Reality hit and you realized or believe that not everything was possible so those things became fantasies or pipe dreams. You put them in the bubble and thought of them less and less. You accepted that it wasn’t in the cards.

What if you could change your mindset and revive some of those dreams? Ok, maybe you can’t go to the moon, sorry little astronaut, but you can seek adventure and curb your appetite for exploration. And that’s just the start!

Over at keepinspiring.me I found an article by Quincy Seale: 9 Signs It’s Time To Change Your Mindset

1. You are constantly focusing on what’s wrong
2. You mourn your failures but forget to celebrate your victories
3. You don’t want to face the truth
4. You feel angry when your expectations are not met
5. You feel unsatisfied and unhappy with everything you have (or don’t have)
6. You find yourself regularly coming to blows with the people you care about
7. You think about what you “have to” do instead of what you “get to” do
8. You see yourself as a victim
9. You hold onto the dramas of other people

Encouragementology is the practice of instilling hope and this show is about finding positive alternatives to life’s challenges. An overarching theme in everything I do is finding and activating your power.

Life can be harsh...if you let it. There is negativity at every turn. The perception is that we elevate and celebrate struggle more than success. Drama, fear, and tragedy are what sells so heart-warming and inspirational are left to the dodo on Instagram. Puppies from the street to a loving household and we weep. We long for a good feel-good story - it’s what our heart craves. Create your own heart-warming and inspirational story. Unplug from the negative, activate your power, propel your life forward, and then share your story with others.

7 Mindsets help us to Change Your Mindset to Achieve your Goals.

1. Accept that your thinking needs adjusting
2. Identify your counter-mindsets
3. Flip the switch
4. Understand your “why”
5. Realize that motivation and willpower are not enough
6. Start small so you can finish big
7. Get comfortable with the “F” word

Feeling down and unmotivated? How about take control and look for motivation. Instead of booking your pity-party table for one - realize there is inspiration, heartfelt messages, and plenty of go-get-it attitudes just waiting for you to consume.

Make it a part of your everyday. Can’t conjure up a good attitude on your own? No worries, start your day with a devotional or a reminder to “let it go”. Create a Pinterest board with quotes and memes that say something to your soul. Explore an uplifting podcast (like this one, wink wink). Find a book on adventure, overcoming adversity, or the simple pleasures of life to remind yourself that there is good all around you.

Your new direction only presents itself if you are looking for it. Clear out the cobwebs of past regret, shut off or excuse yourself from water cooler negative nonsense, and lookup. No really, look up. How often do you do that? Want to imagine an expansive world where anything is possible - look up into the sky and let your mind float away.

Stay there and remind yourself of the things that are under your control:

Your Beliefs

Your attitude

Your thoughts

Your perspective

How honest you are

Who your friends are

What books you read

How often you exercise

The type of food you eat

How many risks you take

How you interpret the situation

How kind you are to others

How kind you are to yourself

How often you say “I love you.”

How often you say “thank you.”

How you express your feelings

Whether or not you ask for help

How often you practice gratitude

How many times you smile today

The amount of effort you put forth

How you spend / invest your money

How much time you spend worrying

How often you think about your past

Whether or not you judge other people

Whether or not you try again after a setback

How much you appreciate the things you have

— Caleb LP Gunner, 26 Things That Are Completely Under Your Control

CHALLENGE: let go of lady luck and grab onto that which is in your control. Today you can change your mindset, inviting in thoughts and feelings that surround you with love and inspiration. This renewed and positive energy will help you find a new direction to explore...and change your life!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show… we are embracing grief and all its varying shades. Not denying it, running from it, or refusing to face it but embracing it. What can grief teach and how can it help us heal? When to forgive yourself and others and how to accept life and all it has in store for you. The term, “grief is a part of life” might sound like a cliche but if you accept it as factual, then walking through it is the only course of action. Noticing the varying shades can help you accept loss for what it is and move to an understanding that tomorrow brings new hope and opportunity.

Does just hearing the word grief create a feeling of impending sadness? The general color of mourning is black so let’s start there. Grief is a noun, not a verb and the dictionary definition is very definite: deep sorrow, especially caused by someone's death. : deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement. Sorrow, angst, woe, regret.

Grieving as a verb is an action of feeling grief for or because of death. Expressing great sorrow.

There are many guides to overcoming grief and many of them include lots of helpful coping strategies but just remember, your grief is personal and unique to you. It won’t fit nicely into a predetermined box and it won’t follow a detailed timeline. Be kind and forgiving as you work your way through loss.

Experience grief isn’t only connected to the loss of a loved one. Don’t question your grief or judge yourself based on the varying shades. Each time we lose something, time, an opportunity, a relationship, a loved one, and so many more. We feel loss. Maybe not all forms of loss are followed by deep sorrow, but they are represented within our varying shades and will still require your attention.

With that said, I do fully believe in the Five Stages of Grief. Don’t think of these stages as a step-by-step, chronological guide. You may or may not experience any one or all of these stages once, in sequence. Or over and over in and out with varying degrees.

I found a break down from Christina Gregory, Ph.D. on the Kubler-Ross Model: The Five Stages of Grief at PSYCOM

We take a deeper dive into every stage…. It’s important to note that this list is no sequential and you may visit each stage more than once or not at all.

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

My Father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2003. Without a cure, we knew the outlook was bleak but that didn’t stop us from staying positive, and as my Father used to say “just seeing what we’re dealing with”. It was a long decline with loss at every turn. When he lost the ability to effectively communicate, or the ability to drive or be left alone. When he lost the ability to be cared for at home and when he lost the ability to walk. Through dementia, he lost his memory and many of his faculties. Each phase brought on elements of grief and with each level of acceptance, there was more grief to embrace. When he passed away last year there was a sense of relief mixed with extreme sadness. I was happy for his freedom and faced with the inevitable loss accumulated for years and years of loss.

Kathryn Sandford’s story echos mine as she writes 7 Valuable Life Lessons The Pain of Grief Can Teach Us

1. Live Your Life to the Fullest As It Can Change In A Blink Of An Eye
2. Family and Friends -Your Precious Gifts in Life
3. Healing Is A Process – don't rush it.
4. Use Your Power Of Choice - Choose to be hopeful.
5. Find Your Purpose In Life
6. Don't Let Your Past Rule Your Life Now And In The Future.
7. Don't Run Away From Life stay strong and embrace its unpredictability.

Life seems to be filled with lesson after lesson doesn’t it. As we walk through, run, crawl, and cower - life is teaching us lessons through joy and sorrow. At one point or another, you might be compelled to choose “head-in-the-sand” vs facing your challenges head-on. I mean, who hasn’t wanted to check out of a difficult situation or two. But feeling life is as big a part of living as being.

I work with women in rehab and embracing and working through grief is a topic that can’t be ignored. For many, they have used drugs and alcohol as a way to escape the emotional pain that comes from trauma. This method then becomes the way of checking out of all struggles and disappointments. In rehab, you are forced to come face-to-face with ALL the pain and since it’s been left unresolved, it can come on with heart-crushing reality.

As painful as it is, I remind them that it’s normal to feel this great sense of loss when trauma, death, separation, and loss is experienced. It’s hard to buy-in to the fact that this is actually a good thing. It shows the level at which you were able to feel and express real love. For many this is rock bottom, knowing they can experience and deliver this level of grief to others.

Not all grief looks alike. Just like there are stages and shades, there are also different types of grief.

At whatsyourgrief.com I found TYPES OF GRIEF AND LOSS by ELEANOR HALEY

Here are just a few we cover in the show…

• Normal Grief
• Anticipatory Grief
• Complicated Grief
• Chronic Grief
• Delayed Grief

If you are sitting there right now keeping your pain to yourself because you don’t want to burden someone with your sadness, please, climb up out of the bog and look at the bigger picture. We are all going through something. People need people to heal and to survive. Reach out now.

With that said, you must be willing to heal and move forward. No rush, maybe not today, but someday. Having a shoulder to lean on and a friend to help carry your burden is important but pulling someone into your sadness to camp out is not.

CHALLENGE: Your days can get better if you allow the sun to shine in and a new perspective to form. Your capacity for love is endless. Embrace grief but reach a hand forward and grab on to hope.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are weighing out our options, laying it all out in front of us because guess what, you have the power of choice. Choices, choices, choices! Everything you say and do is a choice. Most seem to come automatically without much or any thought at all and others require laboring and let’s be honest, taking a risk. The point is you possess the power and just knowing that is so empowering. What if you were more mindful of this revelation, would it change the way you attack your day? It starts before even your eyes pop open, you chose your schedule, and even if your alarm didn’t go off, you lucky devil, your body chose to wake up. Let’s follow this power throughout your day, the seasons of your life, and the future you’ve yet to tap into.

For the title of this show, I featured surviving or thriving, joy & happiness but the options are endless when it comes to the choices you have in front of you. My intention was to be that friendly reminder that where you are today, how you feel, and what you are facing is a choice. Now you may scoff and give me ample examples to the contrary but hear me out. You have the choice of how you interpret your circumstances and how you respond. You have a choice in how you overcome and if you repeat bad behavior. You have a choice of what you consume and what you regurgitate. Now at a high level, that’s pretty powerful.

What are you facing today that has you in a quandary? Where do you feel helpless or hopeless? How are you going to change your circumstances?

For me, throwing up my hands and quitting is not an option. That doesn’t mean I don’t give in on things that aren’t working but I never give up on my goals and dreams. I don’t give up on me. You might have to sit with some of these ideas to see the differences but even though they appear, ever so slight, they are huge.

Giving up and giving in couldn’t be more opposite and has nothing to do with strength or ego. Knowing yourself, strengths and weaknesses, means you know when you need to head in a new direction with a new approach. It’s your choice.

Exploring your mind.com gives us some insight in an article they featured: Giving Up vs. Knowing When to Quit

...The brain’s inclination to always keep us in the same place, doing the same thing, with the same people, makes it difficult to leave our comfort zone. This almost obsessive attachment to what we know makes us say things like “I will stick it out a little longer” or “I’ll just wait a bit longer to see if things change”.

We have trouble identifying when the costs far outweigh the benefits and when our own mind acts as our enemy, whispering “don’t give up, don’t give in” to us over and over. However, we need to assimilate something basic and essential into our brain: when we leave something behind that is harmful and making us unhappy, we aren’t giving up. We are SURVIVING.

Finding our sweet spot is like finding our own balance, our psychological and emotional homeostasis. It’s all about knowing what is best for ourselves at all times. It is worth mentioning that this ability isn’t intuitive. It is objective self-learning acquired through experience, observation, and reflection on our own lives, learning from our successes and mistakes.

Finding the balance can help you with perspective and avoiding the highs and lows that come with the all-or-nothing approach. When there is only winning or losing then it’s much easier to throw in the towel. If you can uncover and collect elements of satisfaction then no matter what you’re doing - you’re satisfied.

It’s your choice.

Ready to tap into that power you possess? Abundance and happiness.com walks us through this process in their article: Your Power To Choose

...We've each been provided with a number of incredible and irrevocable gifts that are oftentimes overlooked and/or taken for granted.

One of the most incredible gifts provided to you, me, and everyone else on this planet, is our Power to Choose. What we choose, we receive...unconditionally.

...Although we're well aware of our "conscious choices", it's more times than not the "unconscious choices" that lead to producing our "less than desired" results, regardless of how badly we may "claim to want" something better.

We tackle the power to choose from all angles - tune in for the complete idea!

So how do you make good choices and what is your brain up to during the process?

Brainfacts.org shows us How to Weigh Out or Options…

...The brain makes sense of the world by using all available information, including senses, emotions, instincts, and remembered experiences.

One thing is certain...

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

It's as simple and complex as utilizing your power to choose to begin "consciously choosing" your path.

CHALLENGE: before you float downstream with a “go-with-the-flow” attitude, grab onto a passing branch and activate your power to choose your next course of action. Chart out new territory; mentally, physically, and spiritually as you re-discover YOU.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are breaking through our limited belief system, challenging what we’ve always known, to find the other half of the ham. Have you ever really thought about where your ideas and opinions come from? Maybe through experience, trials, and tribulations, but how many were planted, early in life, never to be challenged? So many times we adopt an idea as fact or tradition and never question “why”. Why am I still doing this and that and could there be a different, more productive, more joyful, or more successful way? Today we won’t accept: “well, that’s just the way it is, what I’ve always done” without some further exploration.

So the other half of the ham. I better explain this concept as a basis for our talk. I heard this “joke” if you will that hit me with more than just laughter. It opened my eyes to the pitfalls of just accepting something as fact because that’s what we were told, Lord knows when. This goes against my grain because I know for fact, that we are always changing. Not just the world, and all its improvements, but US - we are growing and changing daily so what might have been an idea or opinion that served us in the past, without challenge, we don’t know if it serves us now or in the future.

So this little girl is in the kitchen with her mother preparing a ham for dinner. She notices that she cuts off the end of the ham and casts it aside. She asks, “Momma, why do you cut off half the ham?” and her mother says, that’s how my mother has always done it. Hmm, let’s call Grandma. So they call Grandma and ask her about cutting off half the ham and she says, “Well, that’s how my mother has always done it, let’s call Granny”. So they give Granny a ring and ask her about this process of cutting off half the ham before you cook it and Granny says…,” Well because that’s what size pan I had”. After you have a good laugh think about that and then think about all the wasted ham because someone, down the line, didn’t question this belief

AMY MORIN gives us 3 Types of Self-Limiting Beliefs That Will Keep You Stuck in Life (and What to Do About Them) in an article she wrote for Inc.com

• Unhealthy Beliefs About Yourself
• Unhealthy Beliefs About Others
• Unhealthy Beliefs About the World

There are many different beliefs you have about yourself, other people, and the world around you. And while you're likely to think that all of your beliefs are 100 percent accurate, the truth is you likely hold onto at least a few core beliefs that are irrational and unproductive.

Unhealthy beliefs lead to unhealthy habits. And unhealthy habits produce negative outcomes that ultimately reinforce your unhealthy beliefs. It's a vicious cycle that can be tough to break.

It’s hard to acknowledge all the good in your life when you have challenge after challenge but in reality, isn’t that normal? Even the people you feel “have it all” who seem to be gleaming with success have faced trial after trial. Nothing is easy and even if you are blessed with talent and good luck, you too will fail. It’s a part of life and learning and our journey would be a brisk uneventful walk without it.

Amanda Alvernaz shares her insight on how These Limiting Beliefs Are Preventing You From Being Successful in a blog article she wrote for Trello.

Many of us are constantly striving to grow professionally and personally in our lives. Every new year we set aside some time to establish brand new objectives and things we want to achieve. We start the year off with admirable willpower but it’s not uncommon to arrive at a point when our motivation drops off and our plans lose their luster.

Psychologist, Robert M., describes in his research the importance and impact of beliefs in our lives. He says:

“Beliefs are like filters on a camera. What the camera ‘sees’ is a function of the filters through which it is viewing its subject. In other words, how we ‘see’ the world is a function of our beliefs and profoundly influences personality.

As a result of our beliefs, we define ourselves as worthy or worthless, powerful or powerless, competent or incompetent, trusting or suspicious, belonging or outcast, self-reliant or dependent, flexible or judgmental, fairly treated or victimized, loved or hated. Your beliefs have far-reaching consequences, both positive and negative, in your life. Beliefs affect your moods, relationships, job performance, self-esteem, physical health, even your religious or spiritual outlook.”

See how just a slight shift in perspective can open up a whole new world of understanding? Isn’t that exciting. It’s like taking a new route instead of the same one you've done hundreds of times in practically a dream state.

I found some additional ideas from challengingmids.org that will help us identify where to start.

Here are just a few…

I do/don't - We may define ourselves by what we do or do not do. I may say 'I am an accountant', which means I do not do marketing and should not even think about it, and consequently fail to sell my services well.

I can't - We often have limited self-images of what we can and cannot do. If I think 'I cannot sing' then I will never try or not go to singing lessons to improve my ability. This is the crux of many 'I can't' statements: we believe our abilities are fixed and that we cannot learn.

I must/mustn't - We are bound by values, norms, laws, and other rules that constrain what we must and must not do. However, not all of these are mandatory and some are distinctly limiting. If I think 'I must clean the house every day' then this robs me of time that may be spent on something more productive.

Once you challenge a former belief to test its validity in your life today it’s time to release it. What doesn’t serve you must go. Just as you do a closet overhaul or a garage cleanout, you too can purge old beliefs to make room for new perspectives.

Matt James Ph.D. suggests these4 Steps to Release “Limiting Beliefs” Learned From Childhood in an article he wrote for Psychology Today.

• Step 1: Write the limiting belief down.
• Step 2: Acknowledge that these are beliefs, not truths!
• Step 3: Try on a different belief.
• Step 4: Take different actions.

CHALLENGE: don’t accept what you’ve always heard and known to be fact and relevant in your life today. Dust off old concepts, explore their origin and meaning, then challenge these ideas with what and who you are today. Release what no longer serves you in preparation for the fresh new perspectives you will encounter on your journey.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we’re on the hunt for some new messaging to propel us forward. Words are powerful and can pick you up, placate you, or pull you down. We’re morphing your mantra to speak to you. Whether it’s a quote, an inspirational message, or just a catchy string of words, what you say and set your sights on can make all the difference. Let’s dig into saying it, claiming it, and making it happen - and why what we say directly affects what we think. It’s important to know what you can and can’t control to be effective with your efforts.

Now you might associate the word mantra with yoga or meditation like “ummmm” repeated over and over to put you in a state of awareness. On this show, we are using mantra as a word, words, or quote that you will connect with that means something to your being or in respect to a goal. We are specifically talking about morphing your existing one or taking on a new one because every day we are changing and what served us before may not serve us today or in days ahead.

Mantras can give you that source of inspiration, the anchor to which your goals are tied. When you are feeling lost and uninspired they can help refocus your efforts. Now, you can find mantras for just about anything.

If you are stressed out

Gotten off track

Need to exercise more

Finding gratitude in the morning

And so on….

But before we dig in to find a source of inspiration, we have a little work to do. What are you trying to do? You can’t just throw inspiration against the wall to see what sticks. You need to pick a goal, a new direction, a state of being, and then find the words to encourage you on your journey.

Margie Warrell tells us why Your Words Are Powerful: 8 Positive Speaking Habits to Build Yourself Up in an article she wrote for success.com

The words you use hold immense power. Power to fuel your confidence and ambition and power to make you feel anxious and inadequate. Power to make a strong first impression and power to be quickly forgotten. Power to create opportunities and power to shut them down.

1. Hold yourself powerfully.
2. Reframe forward.
3. Avoid absolutes.
4. Avoid absolutes.
5. Shelve the “shoulds.”
6. Express commitment. (Stop “trying”!)
7. Limit the labels.
8. Rephrase problems as opportunities.

One of my favorite quotes is…..”She stood in the middle of the storm and when the wind didn’t blow her way, she adjusted her sails” by Elizabeth Edwards.

For me, this is that anchor I was talking about. She didn’t run from conflict, she stood where she was, in the middle, and even when nothing was happening, she didn’t take a rest, she looked for wind by adjusting her sails. That speaks empowerment to me and being tenacious. When I’m feeling weak and overwhelmed, I can refer to the feeling I get when I recite this quote. I’ve made bookmarks and magnets for others to share this feeling.

...Let’s take another look at the power behind what we say and think from an interesting article I found on Legacy.com: WORDS ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN GUNS

There are major differences between verbal and physical violence. A physical attack is obvious and unmistakable. It hurts and often leaves a visible mark. The pain of verbal violence goes deep to the self and festers there. Because nothing shows on the surface, you can't expect much sympathy or even actual assistance. Worst of all, verbal violence often goes unrecognized, except at a level you probably may not even understand yourself.

If words can hurt, they can also heal. Think of the four words, "I have a dream." The moment they enter your mind, you know who said them -- and why.

Much has been written about the need for new patterns of communication in our society. There's deep dissatisfaction with the traditional ways of dealing with conflict, from argument to debate to lawsuits to violence. There's a growing feeling that there has to be a better way.

So many times we say something to someone or even to ourselves never fully understanding the effects of those words. Did you just plant a seed of inspiration to be uncovered at just the right time or maybe a seed of doubt that will stay stuck causing a series of issues. You might have had an opportunity to encourage with your words, and even inspire real action. The point is to be mindful of the power of your words. Use your time, your effort, and your words wisely.

Ok, do you have an idea what you want to do or are trying to do that could benefit from some uplifting words? Maybe you need a little extra inspiration to get your mind churning.

Well, Aaron Westbury gets us started with 25 Motivational Mantras That Actually Work so get ready! Here are just a few…

Mantra 1: You Didn’t Come This Far to Only Come This Far

This is one of the best motivational mantras as it is a great reminder of how far we have come. By waking up every morning and repeating this mantra, you remind yourself of all the success that you have had in your life and are ready to tackle the day. It makes you realize that if we were to quit, as we all have a tendency to do from time to time, how much we would actually be giving up.

Mantra 2: You Get What You Focus On

Mantra 3: You Can Find an Excuse or You Can Find a Way

Mantra 4: Wake Up. Kick Butt. Be Kind.

Mantra 5: I’m Doing This for Me

Mantra 6: Action Conquers Fear

I’m on a path to learn and grow so my mantra for 2021 is “Wreck me with Revelation”. No longer will I think the way I’ve always thought. Instead, I will be open to new ideas and opinions, I will research, read, study, and listen. And I will be flexible knowing I’m still growing and always learning.

CHALLENGE: pick a target and a purpose then explore motivational words and phrases that speak to you. Be mindful of what you say, think, and share, knowing that power comes from the tongue and plants in the mind.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…...we are preparing for a new year AND a new you? No no, why does everyone feel this push to reinvent themselves at the beginning of every new year? Push, maybe I should say peer pressure. It’s like you come sliding in under the wire at the end of a year with all sorts of promises to better yourself if you could just start over with a new year. How can you get in touch with your authentic self if you are always feeling less than adequate in fact so sub-par that you actually are looking for ways to become a whole new person. What a roller coaster of shame, regret, and false promises. I say NO - don’t start over, instead, commit to exploring what makes you, YOU, nurturing what needs attention, and then sharing your gifts with others.

What are your typical NYE resolution go-to’s? And most importantly, what is the motivation? Guilt? Peer pressure? Dissatisfaction?

Never set a goal without a strong personal reason. Well, I should never set a goal in which you plan on being successful, without a strong personal reason. You won’t follow through if it’s to please anyone else, because you feel pressure to do so, or you are just following a crowd.

Susan Weinschenk Ph.D. tells us more about why New Year’s Eve resolutions don’t work in an article she wrote for psycologytoday.

• You MUST pick a small action. "Get more exercise" is not small. "Eat healthier" is not small.
• You MUST attach the new action to a previous habit.
• You MUST make the new action EASY to do for at least the first week.

If you take these three steps and you practice them 3 to 7 days in a row your new habit will be established.

The best (and some would say the only) way to get a large and long-term behavior change, is by changing your self-story.

Everyone has stories about themselves that drive their behavior. You have an idea of who you are and what’s important to you. Essentially you have a "story" operating about yourself at all times. These self-stories have a powerful influence on decisions and actions.

In his book, Redirect, Timothy Wilson describes a large body of impressive research of how stories can change behavior long-term. One technique he has researched is "story-editing"

I think before you add something new to the mix, you have to first figure out what you are dealing with and to do that, might require some exploration. Finding the authentic you is about peeling back the layers you’ve created to please the world around you and the people in it.

Over at solutionstoallyourproblems.com Ani wrote: HOW TO FIND YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF WHEN YOU’VE LOST YOURSELF IN PLEASING OTHERS

1. LEARN TO MEET YOUR OWN PHYSICAL NEEDS
2. GIVE YOURSELF SPACE
3. OPEN YOURSELF UP TO THE POSSIBILITIES
4. TRY ON DIFFERENT SELVES
5. KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE ARRIVED

Self-discovery is the fun part but so many people are scared away from delving in and getting to know themselves for fears of facing their past. Would it help to know that your past can not be undone? Facing your past doesn’t mean reliving it. It means acknowledging it, claiming your responsibility, forgiving yourself and others, and then allowing yourself to move on.

But how in the world can you find time to do it all. The answer is, you can’t. Just like we discussed in the beginning, start with a small action and build from there. Be honest and kind to yourself.

Rachael Wolff from fromalovingplace.com wrote herself a letter as a mantra for better self-care. Why not make a commitment to yourself.

Dear Self,

Today, I will make a commitment to take 30 minutes or more a day for me. In that time, I will not have my phone on and will do everything in my power not to be distracted by the outside world. I will use this time to show myself love, respect, care, and loyalty. I will do this because it is exactly what I deserve. I will not be too busy and ignore my own personal needs. I know that by being there for myself I will be able to show up more for all the people in my life. I will have a clearer vision of who should and shouldn’t stay in my life. ….. (the whole letter is so inspiring!)

Don’t you wish it were that easy, to say it, claim it, and then follow our own advice. Who knows you better than you? If that answer isn’t YOU, then take that as a cue you need to stay on your quest for self-discovery. While you are out there, keep your eyes open for trust, the ability to trust yourself.

Sarah Williams shares her story of sharing in an article she wrote for addicted2success.com: Sharing is Caring: 6 Scientifically Proven Ways Helping Others Can Improve Your Life

“I’ve come to believe that the simple formula for happiness and success in life lies in caring about others, helping them in any way we can, and sharing what we have….”

1. Helping others is good for your health
2. It helps us handle stress better
3. We form a deeper connection with ourselves thanks to sharing
4. Doing good for others improves our social life
5. Increased happiness levels
6. Give more for better relationships

Share, learn, and grow. If you feel like you’ve hit a plateau in your development, your journey has become stale feeling more like a drudge….reach out and learn from others. Share your own story to build stronger connections. Whether you are sharing or learning, you are always growing.

CHALLENGE: make this a year of self-discovery to be reacquainted with your authentic self. Explore, nurture, and share your gifts with others to unlock additional opportunities. You are important and deserve added focus, time, and attention.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are being proactive! No better time to get a jump on the new year than with a solid solution instead of a weak resolution. You might feel a bit turned around as if this last year was a blur. How do you get a handle on what lies ahead when so much is uncertain? You start with what you know, organize your current life, and find the best solution...for YOU! Let’s dig into what is working and what isn’t. What you want and what you need. What you can reach for and what you can realistically handle. Remember, this solution is about you and what fits you best. Isn’t it nice to assert a little control when the world seems out of control? You have the power to make your next move count.

Who loves to organize? Come one now let’s do a quick little test. How many papers are stacked in your file 13 (you know the ones waiting for a day of meticulous filing)? How about your junk drawers, let’s be honest, one rather tidy one or several filled with...hmmm no clue and don’t care? Do you have a closet or two hiding things that have been pushed to the back that you have almost certainly purchased again?

What about your schedule - planned out to the minute or cluttered with more than humanly possible, missed timelines, forgotten appointments, and to-do’s that keep piling up?

I’m not sure there is a person out there who couldn’t stand to spend a little time organizing their life to find the most manageable way to handle all life throws your way.

It’s not just about getting on top of what you currently have but to find time to build in rewarding and life-enriching experiences. Don’t get comfortable with punching the clock of life without wanting more.

With that said - I do feel like there is a systematic way to achieve organization. If someone handed you the formula that removed the guesswork that led to a positive end result quicker with more accuracy...wouldn’t you take it? Why recreate the wheel?

I found a guide with How to Organize Your Life - 10 principles for organizing your work, home, health, fitness, hobbies, finances, and more...from Ambition & Balance, by Doist.

Instead of throwing life’s tasks in the air in hopes you’ll somehow manage to catch them all, follow a framework to keep every area of your life in order.

1. Develop habits and build a routine
2. Plan ahead
3. Embrace your natural inclinations
4. Consistency over perfection
5. Find balance
6. Prioritize appropriately
7. Declutter and simplify
8. Measure your progress
9. Automate or outsource
10. Experiment

Now that you know the ten aspects of the Organize Your Life framework, you can apply it to any number of areas in your life. By having some specific guidelines, you can approach each area with more confidence and less stress.

Work

It’s likely you spend the majority of your waking hours at work. Work represents what most people are actually organizing their lives around. There are endless conversations on how to organize the time we’re not working – early mornings, during lunch breaks, and after-hours into the evening. Less attention is paid to how people should organize their workdays and make the most out of the 8 hours you’re likely spending at a desk.

Home

Home is where it all happens. From doing the dishes to dinner parties, keeping up a clean and tidy household is a never-ending unpaid job. However, by being diligent and using some outsourcing hacks, running a household can be a little easier.

Health and Fitness

Making time for a healthy lifestyle is a multiplier for everything else: we become better at our jobs, can be more present for our loved ones, and feel more motivated to tackle life’s other challenges. Unfortunately, it’s also often the first thing to fall to the wayside when the stress of everyday life takes over.

Finances

Money can buy financial freedom and peace of mind. It can also buy a whole lot of things we don’t need. By organizing your finances with care, you can set yourself up for the future without depriving yourself in the present.

Relationships

Make time for planning social outings. The older and busier we become, the less time there seems to be for spontaneous date nights and random coffee dates with friends. Proactively plan time with all the people in your life you care about, rather than waiting for plans to assemble themselves.

Deciding how to organize your life isn’t about precisely what time you should wake-up in the morning or exactly where you should store your important documents. Rather than getting caught up in these details, pay attention to the bigger principles of leading a good life.

CHALLENGE: Instead of being led by your life, find the right solution to lead your best life. Organizing, reprioritizing, letting go, and making space will give you the control and enrichment your life is craving.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we’ll be putting it all together. A compilation if you will. All the experience you’ve acquired, the challenges you’ve overcome, the tests you’ve failed, and the struggles you’ve emerged victorious. We’re pulling them all together. It’s time to share your knowledge as you apply what you’ve learned. That’s right, it wasn’t all for nothing. Each time you heard no and persevered to get the yes, you learned a valuable lesson. These lessons together shaped who you are today and that my friend, needs to be shared with others. We are all on our own journey traveling at our own pace. There are people all around us, including us that have something to teach and a valuable impact to make.

I love a different perspective. Just a slight twist can cause you to look at a situation with fresh, unfiltered eyes. Failures are valuable lessons. Not something you seek out but something you can definitely learn from that could alter your course in a positive and profound way.

That’s something to be thankful for. That’s a new perspective. Typically, failures are something to be ashamed of, to hide from, and cover-up. Taking the emotional baggage and pushing it deep down, disassociating ourselves with the event and denying our role. Not only is there no lesson learned from that approach but it’s actually counter-productive delivering even more damage.

Harvey Mackay shares more on this introduction to that way we think in his article, Change your perspective, change your life, that he wrote for bizjournal.com

Perspective has many definitions, such as the ability to understand what is important and what isn't, and the capacity to view things in their true relationship or relative importance.

Consider this excellent example of how differently people view the same subject in this ancient fable.

Four blind men were asked to examine an elephant and to describe its appearance.

• The first blind man felt the elephant’s leg and declared that the creature was like a tree.
• The second blind man felt the elephant’s enormous side and said that it was like a wall.
• The third man felt the tail and was positive that the elephant was like a rope.
• The fourth felt the tusk and likened it to a spear.

Each man’s notion of reality was limited by the number and kind of attributes he had been able to perceive. Four different perspectives, four different conclusions. None of them had enough information to arrive at a reasonable answer. Acting on limited information is one of the biggest mistakes we can make.

Once I had my first revelation, a shift in my thinking that elicited an AH-HA moment, I wanted more. I loved the freedom this new perspective brought and I wanted to challenge everything else I had ever thought. There was no way I could have done this level of discovery on my own. I had to seek out support and then listen to new ideas. Most importantly, be willing to accept a new way of thinking.

Now, no matter where you are on your journey, this show is all about SHARE, LEARN, AND GROW - so I found some lessons you might not have experienced yet so for you this is the gift of knowledge. And for some of you, these might be revelations since you’ve lived it BUT didn’t know you were in the midst of a learning experience so for you, this is the gift of enlightenment.

Miles Rote shares 30 Life Changing Lessons Adventure Has Taught Me in an article he wrote in Under30experiences.com

1. When you are done with an experience, compost it, don't throw it out
2. Obstacles aren't roadblocks, they're road signs
3. Adventure is the greatest path to knowledge & happiness

...check out the show or the link to review all 30!

Let me share some of mine with you:

A great work ethic is noble but won’t solve all the world’s problems. You can’t just put your head down and keep digging the ditch, faster, putting in more hours, and going deeper. You have to be strategic and sometimes that comes with slowing down and reflecting on what you have and where you are.

Don’t be in such a rush to get somewhere. Grow up, get married, have kids, climb to the top of the ladder in your career. Time flies and if you get in a rush, you are propelled through the best parts. Slow down and enjoy.

Love is your most rewarding asset. Being loved and loving others is essential to health and happiness. Don’t isolate yourself thinking independence means you are rewarded for doing everything on your own. You need a consistent flow of love in your life.

Serving others from a place of purpose and passion is the quickest way to unlock joy in your life. Nothing nourishes your soul more than being there for someone else in a true hour of need. Financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Give from your heart when you see someone in need - even when you don’t see it. Acknowledging someone is the only ice breaker you need.

MANON RINSMA-LEONARD, MSC. explains why we are Stronger by Sharing: “5 Reasons Why It’s Important to Share Your Story” in an article for strongerbysharing.com

Bursts of laughter, tears of joy, sobs of sadness, love, grief, anger, it is all part of our story we call ‘Life’. It is a journey, a quest to pursue happiness. There are ups and downs, highs and lows, for some more extreme than others, but either way, there are so many stories out there.

• Find your Voice
• Empower Others
• Create Hope
• Create Hope
• Emotional Healing

Judith E Glaser - Learn to Talk WITH People, Not at Them

Love her research on the importance of sharing - not just about the weather or a quick catch-up. Sharing your challenges, struggles, goals & desires.

CHALLENGE: be in constant pursuit of knowledge. Look deeper at your struggles to find a new perspective and the lesson you will add to your experience bank. Use this learning to tell your story and impact others as you share what you’ve learned.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are releasing our need to over-perform, over commit, and over criticize as we break perfectionism’s power over us. Deep down we realize being perfect at everything every time without fail isn’t attainable but yet, it doesn’t stop us from raising our expectations and never being satisfied with anything other than winning. Think about that, the feeling of never being satisfied with our performance and therefore, never feeling the joy of accomplishment. That just won’t do.

Perfectionism: refusal to accept any standard short of perfection. Immediately my ears perk up when I hear the words “refusal to accept”. There is your wall keeping you from learning and growing. At what point in your life did you adopt this stance, the refusal to accept? In the early years when you were just getting started in life. You had all the energy and motivation but also a serious lack of experience and growth. Certainly not the ideal recipe for drawing such a line in the sand.

Refusal to accept any standard short of perfection. What then is perfect? Completely free from faults or defects, or as close to such a condition as possible.

I wonder who added the “....or as close to such a condition as possible” HA It had to be when they figured out, perfect is impossible. So there you go, you have a safety net. When it can’t be perfect, get as close as you can.

But even that level of expectation can wreak havoc in your life. Nothing could be more subjective; when it can’t be perfect, get as close as you can. Are YOU ok with admitting THAT is as close as you can come to perfect and then being willing to stop and pat yourself on the back, a job well done!?

Elizabeth Scott, a wellness coach specializing in stress management helps us answer these questions with an article she wrote for verywellmind.com: Perfectionist Traits: Do These Sound Familiar?

Perfectionists are a lot like high achievers, but with some key differences. The following are ten telltale traits of perfectionists, that you may be able to spot in yourself or in the people you know. Do any of these sound familiar?

• All-or-Nothing Thinking
• Highly Critical
• Pushed by Fear
• Unrealistic Standards
• Focussed on Results
• Depressed by Unmet Goals
• Fear of Failure
• Procrastination
• Defensiveness
• Low Self-Esteem

With all or nothing thinking, you have one try and that’s it. If the following people adopted that philosophy we wouldn’t have:

• Disney
• The lightbulb among a gazillion other inventions
• Harry Potter
• Dr. Suess
• Microsoft
• Oprah - and all she does
• Heck, even KFC!

Rebecca Knight gives us some insight into How to Manage Your Perfectionism in an article she wrote for The Harvard Business Review

Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can motivate you to perform at a high level and deliver top-quality work. On the other hand, it can cause you unnecessary anxiety and slow you down.

• Look at the big picture
• Create a checklist
• Break the cycle of rumination
  • Identify your triggers
  • Don’t trust your first reaction
  • Seek a diversion
  • Think positive
• Get some perspective
• Monitor your progress

Let’s all do a little visualization, shall we? You at age 21 (and if you are now 21, take it back to age 15) What if that person was still in charge today, make all your life’s decisions. Oh sure they thought they knew everything and were in total control and NO one could have told them differently. They weren’t open, honest, and un-opinionated. Hey give them a break, they were green which is a nice way of saying dumb. Ok, they were a little dumb.

They needed a gentle push, and some trials just challenging enough to open their eyes and to realize, they needed to accept help and possibly a different perspective. Possibly from people who have already been there and done that.

You learn from other people, walking through life, making mistakes, being down, and getting back up. Never should you refuse to accept whether it’s ideas, a new perspective, help, support, kindness, or love.

Shutting yourself off to change and accepting that you are as good as you will ever be is a travesty no matter what your age or present circumstance. You have the power for real change. Breaking the power of perfectionism gives you permission to try until you, just figure it out.

Awareness is breaking the power. Let’s dig more into the way we think and why. Micheal Schwantes shares 10 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Refuse to Think as a way to expose negative thinking patterns.

1. All or nothing thinking
2. Over-generalization
3. Minimizing or magnifying (also, catastrophizing)
4. Using words like "should," "need to," "must," and "ought to" as motivation
5. Labeling
6. Jumping to conclusions (mind-reading or fortune-telling)
7. Discounting the positive
8. Blame and personalization
9. Emotional reasoning
10. Mental filtering

Ready to let go of the unobtainable and mind-shift to acceptance? Thomas Oppong wrote: Make Life Easier on Yourself by Accepting “Good Enough.” Don’t Pursue Perfection, Pursue Progress - for medium.com

...Done is better than perfect. The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists. It rewards people who get things done. Give yourself time in your life to wonder what’s possible and to make even the slightest moves in that direction.

...Free yourself from the fear of mistakes. When you follow your own true north you create new opportunities, have different experiences, and create a different life.

You have the power to break perfectionism’s hold over you. It starts today with accepting who you are and where you are as good enough. Tomorrow you can forge out in a new direction.

CHALLENGE: let self-acceptance be the guide on your journey instead of blindly following the misleading beacon to perfection. You are good enough and change should come from a desire to learn and grow, not to please.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are taking it down, ourselves that is. Just like a tackle in the game-winning play, we are taking ourselves down and getting out of our own way. Isn’t it just like us to sabotage a good thing, choose self-destructive behaviors over constructive ones, and be willing to justify it to the end. Today we are getting real. Honestly, who loses here? Or better yet, who isn’t winning? What if we negotiated a new deal. Instead of letting go and doing an about-face, we re-engineering our self-destructive behaviors into new self-serving behaviors.

What is the first thing that needs demolishing? Step back to see the bigger picture. You know how it goes when you are in the ditch digging away with no direction, plan, or insight - you can get nowhere fast! It’s also hard to see a new perspective from the bottom of a ditch. Step out, and look at the horizon. Where are you trying to go and how are you going to get there? You could take the long way hitting wall after wall, taking extended breaks to lick your wounds, picking up what pieces are left to make another go of it only to find yourself detoured at the first patch of rough road.

Or you could take some time to chart out your course. Understand your strengths, weaknesses, address your limitations, search your soul for purpose and passion, enlist help from trusted friends and advisors, great a reliable support system, and make a vow to yourself that you WILL NOT take a step back. Only forward momentum allowed.

You even have another option, do nothing. Stay where you are and find a way to be happy and if not, a way to get by another day. Remember, life is full of choices.

Matt Duczeminski shines a light on 12 Self-Destructive Habits to Eliminate for a Positive Life in an article he wrote for lifehack.com. On the show, we dig into each one with a “fix”.

1. A Self-Defeating Mindset
2. Laziness
3. Forced Incompetence
4. Self-Pity
5. Taking It out on Others
6. Abuse of Drugs or Alcohol
7. Running From Emotions
8. Social Isolation
9. Refusing Help
10. Neglecting Personal Needs
11. Unnecessary Self-Sacrifice
12. Self-Harm

It took me a long time to come around full circle and face my demons - destructive behaviors. I had denial down, I tell you. When I finally hit a wall and was face to face with a choice, I chose me. I started putting myself first. That meant shining a light on everything weighing me down, the destructive behaviors that I had fiercely protected and denied. Seeing them for what they truly were, provided me another choice. Stay the course or make some changes. I chose to remove the obstacles in front of me and to get serious about behaviors that never served me in a positive way.

I removed crutches like alcohol and cigarettes and took an honest look at my need to control and fix. What would happen if I let others live their lives the way they wanted to….would mine still exist? The answer is, yes, and thrive! Ooooh when you channel all your positive energy in your own direction, the current is strong and will propel you faster than you might be prepared for. Clear-headed and unencumbered I can be strategic about what I want and how I plan to get there.

I didn’t totally let go of my desire to “fix” I just re-engineered it in a positive way. Now I help people who actually want help and I do so in a loving, no strings or expectations attached kind of way.

Steven Handel explains How to Be 100% Honest With Yourself: A Prerequisite to Self-Improvement in an article he wrote for theemotionmachine.com

Acknowledge both the good and bad in your life

Take time to reflect

Admit it when you make mistakes

Pay attention to your feelings

Find someone you trust to be open with you

Avoid over-thinking and self-blame

Know when to trust your gut

Accepting what you don’t know

Remember, you are responsible for the decisions you’ve made in your life. The first time I addressed responsibility, I was only willing to share in it not truly accept it. Everything I did, or so I thought, was as a result of someone else. A consequence of this or that. I felt justified by that weak attempt at accepting responsibility. It’s like playing your life as doubles in tennis. Oops, that one got by but then it was probably your responsibility anyway.

I recently read a book that changed my perspective which means the author hit the nail on the head because that was his sole intention. The very first chapter addresses this exact idea in a profound way.

The book is called The Travelers Give and the first chapter is: The Buck Stops Here - The Responsibility Decision.

From this moment forward, I will accept responsibility for my past. I understand that the beginning of wisdom is to accept responsibility for my own problems and that by accepting responsibility for my past, I free myself to move into a bigger, brighter future of my own choosing...

The buck stops here. I accept responsibility for my past. I am responsible for my success. I am where I am today—mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially—because of decisions I have made. My decisions have always been governed by my thinking. Therefore, I am where I am today—mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially—because of how I think. Today I will begin the process of changing where I am—mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially—by changing the way I think...

I accept responsibility for my past. I control my thoughts. I control my emotions. I am responsible for my success.

CHALLENGE: with the choices that lay before, take your time and be decisive but only after you have let go of denial, come face-to-face with your self-destructive behaviors, vowed to be honest with yourself, and committed to re-engineering them in a positive way.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…..we are getting creative with our connections and effective with our communication. We have the unique ability to build rapport, develop meaningful and lasting relationships, share the most important details of our lives, brainstorm, give & receive encouragement, and love - why waste a single ounce of that ability. We may be inclined to say NOW more than ever we need to get creative in the way we connect and communicate but don’t forget, every generation faced their own unique challenges. When something is valued it becomes a priority and priorities get special treatment. All of a sudden time and resources are not an issue when something is that important to you

We start with ranking our connections and the importance they have in our lives to determine what we’re dealing with. You may have a big family full of brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, with a bahoodle of cousins. Holidays and special occasions might be the perfect chance for you all to get together and catch up while sharing fun stories about times past. Your day-to-day may mirror the same, a big network of friends, a tight group of close friends, and loved valued by your co-workers.

But then again, your situation might look quite different. You are a bit of a loner. Normal-sized family, most of who have moved on and started their own families. You have a few friends with good intentions but you rarely see them unless they or you need something. Funerals and weddings are more like reunions since it’s the only time you actually see everyone. That’s just the way it is - you like your alone time.

Why do I put so much value on connections? I mean really, we’ve had our day in the sun with a wonderful group of close friends. They were there when I needed them and my needs have changed. I’m older now and don’t need them like I used to. I’m really ok alone.

I don’t buy it and neither should you.

Donna Pisacano Brown breaks down The Power of Human Connection in an article she wrote for LIhearld.com

We dig into all aspects...Human connection is an energy exchange between people who are paying attention to one another. It has the power to deepen the moment, inspire change, and build trust.

When researchers refer to the concept of “social connection,” they mean the feeling that you belong to a group and generally feel close to other people. Scientific evidence strongly suggests that this is a core psychological need essential to feeling satisfied with your life.

Social Isolation is a state of complete or near-complete lack of contact between an individual and society. It differs from loneliness, which reflects a temporary lack of contact with other humans.

Data indicates that we can increase social connections through practicing compassion for others as well as for ourselves. Another way to build stronger social connections is to ask yourself what would make you happy in contributing to your community. Focusing on “what you can give to others” is a proven way to feel both better about yourself and more connected to others.

Loneliness is a common problem among people of all ages and backgrounds, and yet it’s something that most of us hesitate to admit. But loneliness is nothing to feel ashamed about. Sometimes, it’s a result of external circumstances: you’ve moved to a new area, for example. In such cases, there are lots of steps you can take to meet new people and turn acquaintances into friends.

But what if you’re struggling with shyness, social insecurity, or a long-standing difficulty making friends?

When it comes to shyness and social awkwardness, the things we tell ourselves make a huge difference. Here are some common thinking patterns that can undermine your confidence and fuel social insecurity:

• Believing that you’re boring, unlikeable, or weird.
• Believing that other people are evaluating and judging you in social situations.
• Believing that you’ll be rejected and criticized if you make a social mistake.
• Believing that being rejected or socially embarrassed would be awful and devastating.
• Believing that what others think about you defines who you are.

You don’t have to be perfect to be liked. In fact, our imperfections and quirks can be endearing. Even our weaknesses can bring us closer to others.

It’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes; it’s part of being human. So give yourself a break when you mess up. Your value doesn’t come from being perfect. If you find self-compassion difficult, try to look at your own mistakes as you would those of a friend. What would you tell your friend? Now follow your own advice.

Your negative self-evaluations don’t necessarily reflect reality. In fact, they probably don’t, especially if you:

• Call yourself names, such as “pathetic,” “worthless,” “stupid,” etc.
• Beat yourself up with all the things you “should” or “shouldn’t” have done.
• Make sweeping generalizations based on a specific event. For example, if something didn’t go as planned, you tell yourself that you’ll never get things right, you’re a failure, or you always screw up.

Try not to take things too personally. The other person may be having a bad day, be distracted by other problems, or just not be in a talkative mood. Always remember that rejection has just as much to do with the other person as it does with you.

This is a great time to insert Don Miguel Ruiz’s #2 agreement - Don’t take things personally

Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Here are some other effective communication skills from Dr.’s Lawrence Robinson, Jeanne Segal, and Melinda Smith, M.A.

Effective communication is about more than just exchanging information. It’s about understanding the emotion and intentions behind the information. As well as being able to clearly convey a message, you need to also listen in a way that gains the full meaning of what’s being said and makes the other person feel heard and understood.

Effective communication skill 1: Become an engaged listener

Skill 2: Pay attention to nonverbal signals

Skill 3: Keep stress in check

Skill 4: Assert yourself

CHALLENGE: Make space and align your priorities in creating and maintaining healthy connections. Giving and receiving encouragement is just one of the many joyful facets of effective communication. With any skill, it takes awareness and practice!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...say goodbye to the stale, same ol’-same ol’ self-sabotaging, counterproductive, and unhealthy routines that keep us stuck. We are adopting good ones and breaking bad ones. Yep, it’s that simple. Well, simple to say it but every good plan is just a “good plan” without action. So get ready to take action! Gone are the days of endless excuses and pathetic procrastination. We are about to give ourselves a swift kick in the shoulda, woulda, coulda, and get busy. Tired of wanting to get somewhere but never feeling forward momentum?

Think about your day, week, month, or year. How much of your time is spent on autopilot. You know, just aimlessly going through the motions? Routines can be comforting because of their consistent nature but they can also be habitual rarely challenged. The scientific community suggests that we make about 35,000 decisions each day. Our brain can’t possibly take the time to consider every single thing we do. We probably need to explore this concept from a few angles, Not being present or intentional, living in denial, and resistant to change. I can already gather that there won’t be an easy dissection between them but some combo of all three.

Noelle Bloom puts things in perspective with 10 Signs You’re Living on Autopilot- from an article she wrote for success.com.

1. You dread the day ahead.
2. Your daily routine is predictable.
3. You do things without thinking.
4. You can’t seem to put your phone down.
5. You stay deep in thought.
6. You have a difficult time remembering.
7. You can’t seem to let go.
8. You’re not making meaningful progress.
9. You say “yes” more than you say “no.”
10. You know there’s a better life to be lived.

How much time do you spend visualizing your future? You might think it’s fantasizing and even heard “Get your head out of the clouds” at least at some point in your life. But how are you supposed to get “there” if you don’t see yourself there? Start now - Imagine your life in the next 2 years. Where do you want to be, what are you doing, and what are you NOT doing. Be specific with the details. Just being in a better position, job, money, or family is not a clear enough picture to create motivation.

Now, repeat this exercise for 5 years, 8, and even 10 - journal. about it, create some vision boards like Pinterest to gather visual cues. Whatever helps put you clearly in the scenario.

10 years ago I started working on breaking bad habits. One by one - it was a personal competition between my reason and my desire. I have really strong will-power if I set my mind to something and really really want it. I saw these habits as stumbling blocks in the bigger picture. Until I was free and unencumbered, I couldn’t get to where I wanted to go, and at the pace, I wanted to get there. I had to get real with myself and stop hiding behind excuses and false justifications. I’m good at selling myself on almost anything. Bigger picture - does this help propel me further or keep me where I am. Ok, it has to go.

Once a year there is a big push to let go of the past and move forward, adopting healthier routines. Eating right, exercising, cleaning out & purging clutter are some of the top ones that come to mind. But what about our day-to-day, mindless routines - are they creating more resistance than necessary?

Nick Wignall shares 6 Subtle Habits That Are Sabotaging Your Happiness

1. Worrying about the future and other people’s opinions of you
2. Isolating yourself when you’re feeling down
3. Keeping quiet and “going with the flow”
4. Talking trash to yourself in your head
5. Trying to manage your stress
6. Believing your own thoughts unconditionally

Oh if it were that easy just to let it go!! Like a monkey on our back, we can accept all the reason in the world but when it really comes down to shaking it off, we create yet another justification point that our mind accepts. What happens next, we put off doing anything waiting for a more acceptable time. Hogwash. YOU have the power to STOP doing anything you don’t want to do today or at least to redirect your energy in a positive new direction.

HBR Patel shares some insight on Breaking Bad Routines, One Bad Habit at a Time in an article he wrote for Medium.

Our routine is aptly shaped by our habits. A perfectly planned day may fail to deliver the end result if procrastination is one of your vices. It takes dedication and patience to overcome those habits and for that Neuroplasticity will come in handy.

So, What is Neuroplasticity?

A term that refers to the ability of the brain to adapt itself or reorganize itself to the new changes in the behavior, environment, or other factors by two-fold action: Synaptic pruning, deleting the neural connections that are no longer necessary or useful, and strengthening the necessary ones that can help adapt to the change.

Consider these healthy routines in the place of bad habits:

• Spend time by yourself exploring your own feelings
• Read - take your mind on a journey of new places, times, and ideas
• Create beauty in your space - make your home a safe and happy place
• Make time for the special people in your life
• Make space for new friends to become better friends
• Challenge old and outdated beliefs in yourself and the world around you
• Find ways to give back in a meaningful way - time, attention, resources

CHALLENGE: Be honest with yourself about mindless routines and bad habits that might be preventing you from reaching your goals. Visualize your life in five years and take action now removing the barriers from hitting that timeline. Replace bad habits with healthy routines that bring out the best in you!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are cleaning out the junk draw of life and organizing the chaos before it becomes chaotic. What’s that? Too late you say? Never! Don’t throw in the towel and keep piling it up hoarder style take charge and admit to yourself, enough is enough. You deserve peace, joy, and happiness, and wading through emotional and psychological clutter is unnecessary and counterproductive.

As you sit here today, let’s identify where the chaos is coming from. Everyone is different, in different situations, and at different stages of their life. Try to rise above gaining a new perspective of the bigger picture. I love to actually visualize this exercise. Feel yourself floating up over your life and looking down. Everything naturally gets smaller as the angle is wider and more of the pieces and parts come into one view. Nothing is as it has to be.

For many of us, we want our lives to settle down and for things to run smoothly. But week after week, month after month, year after year, while there may be different players and different facts, it’s always the same old story. Our lives are chaotic.

Here are seven reasons we might be creating chaos-filled lives from Boni for livealifeyoulove.com. See if one or more of them rings true for you.

1. It’s your story
2. It’s your identity
3. You (secretly) like it
4. You don’t really think you have a choice
5. You believe you deserve it
6. You have nothing to replace it with
7. Success scares the heck out of you

I talk about my experience...For me, chaos can come in the way of spreading myself too thin. I’m not a hoarder but more of a minimalist so I don’t struggle with physical clutter. I don’t obsess over the times I’ve been wronged or feel the same pull I once did to fix others so I don’t struggle with emotional clutter. Where I can overextend myself and create a bit of chaos, is in my commitments.

Let’s face it, life is busy in general so to avoid chaos at certain times is unrealistic. But….maybe finding ways to embrace the chaos and reorganize is a positive coping strategy.

Bob Miglani is the author of The Washington Post Bestseller, Embrace the Chaos, which is about learning to move forward in times of change and uncertainty. Here are some of his ideas:

1. Accepting the Chaos of Life is Better Than Trying to Fight it
2. You Cannot Predict the Future
3. You, Will, Feel Better DOING Than NOT DOING
4. One Thing Always Leads to Another
5. You, Will, Become a Better Person…Faster, Stronger, Leaner and Sharper
6. You are Resilient and Know How to Adapt
7. You Are Meant for Bigger Things
8. Chaos Forces us to Clarify What’s Really Important…and What’s Not
9. It Will Make you GRATEFUL
10. Chaos Can Be Transformative
11. Things Have a Way of Working Out in the End

If you are drowning in chaos feeling overwhelmed and stuck - embracing more and leaning in may not be the right move at this time. For you, giving yourself time to identify and declutter your life might be the only place to start. Spend some time by yourself, unplugged, listening to your heart. So often we are looking for a quick way out so we grab a youtube video on how to organize or read a blog on letting go.

You have a responsibility to yourself to push-back. Just as you feed yourself when you are hungry, bath when you are dirty, and sleep when you are tired, consume info as needed. Want to know what the weather is - look it up. Need to know the weather patterns for the country….not sure you do. Have a lot invested in the market and need to check the pulse - fine, get alerts as things go up and down by the minute - not necessary. These are just two examples. Apply them to what you digest today and what you actually NEED to know. There might be some overconsumption issues.

Joanna Kleinman gives us 4 STEPS TO CALM THE CHAOS IN YOUR MIND in an article she wrote for Virtu Health.

Every day, as soon as you wake up, ask yourself this question: “What do I need to let go of right now to be calm?” In other words, what thoughts are causing chaos in your mind?

Every thought you have creates a physical response in your nervous system, and an emotional feeling in your body. Yet, you often allow your mind to go wherever it wants to go, without taking control over the direction it goes. Pay attention to the emotional and physical responses in your body when your mind goes to that chaotic, negative place.

Ask yourself who or what are you trying to control that you really don’t have any control over? Focusing on producing specific outcomes in your life makes you fixate on controlling things that you really don’t have any control over.

To create an immediate sense of inner calm and peace, start a daily practice of letting go of past regret and future worry, and consciously direct your mind to right here, right now.

CHALLENGE: Find the root of chaos in your life to treat the symptoms appropriately. Let go, lean in, or reroute to get time and space to include joy and peace. You have choices, choose wisely.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are taking action, becoming our own superheroes, and saving ourselves. Now you might think, “yeah right, easier said than done!” and you would be right, words are not enough - it’s going to take action. Let’s not forget the famous credo of the infamous Spiderman, "With great power comes great responsibility." Saving the day is no easy task and who wants to do that over and over. After you swoop in and become the hero of your own life it’s time to be strategic. How can we harness this power for the good and make sure we spend our precious time wisely.

Have you ever been asked, “if you could be a superhero what would be your power?” Seeing through metal, leaping tall buildings, breathing underwater?

Of course, it’s fun to fantasize about dressing up as an alter ego and fighting all the demons in our lives but the reality is, you do have power over your life. Even on the days your feel powerless, there is a phone booth just ready for you to change, empower yourself, and fly to your own rescue.

For fun, you can go to https://www.whatsyourpower.com/ and take a short quiz to find out what your superpower might be.

To get here or to be any help at all, I had to start with myself. I had things a little distorted, instead of helping to make the world a better place I wanted to FIX the people in my life to make my world a better place. Helpful? No, unproductive and frustrating. I had to grab my own oxygen mask first before I could assist anyone else.

Why is it that We Put Ourselves Last & Why Self-Care Should Be a Priority - Jo Ritchie gives us her insight on this in an article she wrote for Tiny Buddha.

1. We think self-care means being selfish.
2. We confuse “rescuing” with caring.
3. We are accustomed to relationships based on neediness, not real love.
4. We don’t realize we teach people how to treat us.
5. We expect others to take care of us.
6. We don’t realize our worth.

Finding a positive support system is paramount. Plugging into good people who want the best for you and guide you instead of hold you back is critical. Spending time connecting spiritually and listening, studying, and meditating is soul-nourishing. Saving yourself isn’t one act of bravery, it’s an ongoing meaningful mission.

Just as a superhero has powers and props to help them through any struggle - so do you!

Superheroes don’t wipe their problems away – they confront them. And they do so with very specific strengths of character. The physical powers are secondary, really, to their character traits. Being your own superhero means that you adopt those character traits, even if you don’t have X-ray vision.

Patrick Cole gives us 8-Steps to Personal Strength in an article he wrote for everydaypower.com

1. Use Failure and Adversity to Propel You
2. Assess Your Mental Strength
3. Name Your Powers
4. Identify the Detractors/Weaknesses
5. Listen to Your Inner Self and Respond
6. Embrace the Negativity – Then Knock it Out of the Park
7. Gather Your Weapons
8. Stay True to Your Principles

For too long I avoided me and my problems as I worked on saving everyone around me. I was convinced it was my purpose otherwise why did it feel like everyone needed me so much. My superhero mask must have been on backward because I was certainly in the dark. I had to take a good hard look at myself, my behavior, and start getting real. I had my own slew of problems that I wasn’t owning up to. Time to grow up and face the music instead of the firing squad.

Marelisa Fabrega gives us some Rules of Adulthood in an article she wrote for daringtolivefully.com

Persecutor: If you’re having a problem, or you’re facing an obstacle to achieving a goal that’s important to you, you’re likely to see that problem or obstacle as if it were a persecutor (the persecutor can be a person, an event, a situation, and so on).

Victim: You act like you’re being victimized by the persecutor, and you feel helpless to do anything to remedy the situation.

Rescuer: Since you feel like you can’t remedy the situation yourself, you wait passively for someone or something to come to your rescue.

A lot of our culture is made up of this drama triangle. For example, you can recognize the drama triangle in stories that involve a damsel in distress, a villain holding her captive, and a hero who sweeps in to rescue her. Of course, this dynamic doesn’t apply just to women; it applies to men as well. A lot of us are harboring rescue fantasies.

Be honest with yourself: is there an area of your life in which you’re passively waiting for a stroke of luck or for someone to come out of the blue and save you? Are you telling yourself, “Someday, when this or that happens, I’m finally going to be able to . . .” Stop waiting for a rescuer or for some chance event to take place, and begin taking steps to rescue yourself.

CHALLENGE: take a look in the mirror, explore your denial and your truth, abandon your belief that your powers are not to be used for your own rescuing, and take action today. Saving your world is a worthy cause.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we are celebrating the victory of life! No one is in the partying mood every day, nor does every day feel like a party. We can see the obstacles ahead of us and feel defeated before we ever get started. We can carry the struggles and failures of our past with us making each step harder than the last. Or we can choose to step out, unencumbered, empowered with positivity, and believe “V” is for VICTORY not, victim. It’s a choice and you have it. Some days you’re naturally pumped because everything is going just as planned, fists in the air, the crowd chanting in your head, and other days, it’s all you can do to show up. What you tell yourself and how you attack your day directly affects your outcome.

Someone one time...ok actually people ask me all the time, “are you always this happy?”. Sometimes they phrase it as a statement; “You can’t NOT be this happy all the time!” And they would be correct but “this happy” is relative. I realize that my mood is my choice and no one can make me feel anything I don’t want to feel.

A follow-up question or statement I usually hear next is, “how do you let things roll off your back so easily?” Well the answer to that is, I don’t always. But again, I have to make a conscious effort to let go and move one. The primary reason I find that so doable is, I don’t like to be in a bad mood. I don’t like the feelings of stress, anxiety, or sadness. I don’t like to be melancholy or irritated. You know what I do like, problem-solving and diverting my attention to things that make me happy, feel creative, or that nourish my soul. It’s a bonus when I can pick up all three feelings in the same activity.

We dig a little deeper into victimization and feeling victimized to understand how to achieve victory.

Crystal Raypole walks us through this exercise in an article she wrote for Healthline.com: How to Identify and Deal with a Victim Mentality

The victim mentality rests on three key beliefs:

• Bad things happen and will keep happening.
• Other people or circumstances are to blame.
• Any efforts to create change will fail, so there’s no point in trying.

People who feel trapped in a state of victimization often do express a lot of negativity, but it’s important to realize significant pain and distress often fuel this mindset.

• Avoiding responsibility
• Not seeking possible solutions
• A sense of powerlessness
• Negative self-talk and self-sabotage
• Lack of self-confidence
• Frustration, anger, and resentment

Where does it come from?

Very few — if any — people adopt a victim mentality just because they can. It’s often rooted in a few things.

Past trauma

• Betrayal
• Codependency
• Manipulation

We take a sideline because this is right up my alley. I am a codependent and it took me years to come to grips with that term. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with ME - it was everyone else around me! I was doing it all and I felt powerful...at first. Then taken for granted and eventually, powerless. Why couldn’t people just do what I was telling them to do and we would all be happier. Could I even hear myself? How insane is that? They would be happier if they just did as I said.

Detaching from the responsibility for others’ emotional happiness is quite possibly the most impactful lesson I’ve ever learned. I’m still a people pleaser to some degree. This is a deeply rooted compulsive behavior and for me a knee-jerk in every way but I’m aware and with awareness comes change.

Remember, many people living with this mindset have faced difficult or painful life events. This doesn’t mean you have to take responsibility for them or accept accusations and blame. But try to let empathy guide your response.

• Avoid labeling
• Set boundaries
• Offer help with finding solutions
• Offer encouragement and validation
• Consider where they’re coming from

Time to change the self-talk and become your own mentor. Being around positive people who speak life and love into your world is optimal but you can’t always rely on someone else to be there when you need a shoulder to cry or a joyful injection of good news. It may take you clearing out the dark corners of your mind and replacing the negative with positive.

We go through 15 mantras you can use daily...1.) All the strength you need to lead your life in the direction that feels good is within, you don’t need to acquire or learn anything; it is inside of you.

What happens when you’re feeling your zen and then that anxious feeling of dread and despair comes back….what do you do? Pity-parties are not a reason to celebrate so I guess we aren’t there yet. Remember, we are looking for victory, right?

Christina Star wrote, Don’t Let Self-Pity Poison Your Life — Choose Self-Compassion Instead with some great tips on getting through these feelings with self-care.

Self-pity reinforces the sense of being a victim bringing with it, hopelessness and inaction.

Self-compassion also acknowledges the difficulty you find yourself in. But it is not about feeling sorry for yourself, blaming others, or dwelling on misery.

We discover some new mantras and powerful exercises to create self-awareness and self-compassion.

This is a moment of suffering.

I am having a really hard time right now.

It’s painful for me to feel what I am feeling.

This is very difficult.

Exercise A:

Put your right hand under your armpit near your heart.

Put your left hand on your right shoulder.

Stay in this posture until you feel a shift.

Choosing to take responsibility for your inner state will help you heal and remember that you can recover, rebuild and thrive even after you have been stopped in your tracks by fate, other people, or even yourself.

CHALLENGE: Don’t accept your circumstances without activating your power to choose, your mood, your resolve, your outcome. Decide your desire for happiness is stronger than your need for control. Let go and move on. Claim victory and celebrate your journey!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…we are identifying and plugging into your source. Your source of inspiration, support, motivation, accountability, and love. What makes you tick? It’s important to understand what lifts your up and gives you hope if you want to tap into a steady stream and just as important, what keeps you down if you want to make sure you avoid toxic negativity. So often we just coast through life, consuming and regurgitating, not questioning why, how, or IF - if it’s healthy or harmful. Remember, you have the power to control what you consume and what takes root. Getting too close to the fire, step back or at least put on some protective gear. Don’t just stand there mesmerized by the intoxicating flames.

When you think of JOY, what comes to your mind? Who comes to mind? Joy is defined as a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. If joy could be prescribed I would want a once a daily dose at least!

Donna Rockwell, Psy.D. digs into this question in her article: Desperately Seeking Happiness

Recently, a science of happiness has cropped up in the field of psychology. There are many studies on every aspect of happiness, the most acclaimed of all human pursuits. After much scientific discussion and review, researchers have come to define happiness as the ability to sustain an overall sense of well being over time. However, the capacity to generate and maintain well being while coping with daily challenges requires a certain amount of emotional flexibility.

Authentic happiness is never lost. Because it is burned into the very essence of our being, it remains a touchstone within us that can be accessed at any time, no matter what is going on around us. We need only conjure up images of happiness or remember an event or moment, and we are there, alive in the energy of our own awareness.

Think about your day today….when did you smile? When did you laugh? What happened and what didn’t? Fill in the blanks with a recreation of your favorite day and notice the small things that would bring you joy.

I love to sleep in - at least I think I do so to me, that brings me excitement. I rarely, in fact, sleep late but knowing I have a free Saturday morning that could lend itself to some extra Z’s is happiness. I love hot coffee that stays hot to the last drop - delightful. I love to laugh so whether it’s a silly joke or a well-thought-out comedy, I’m there. I’m a sucker for warm dessert - doesn’t matter what it is but if it’s bubbling with a little cold ice cream - whoa! I love to hear "Mmmmm that’s good" after I’ve slaved over a hot stove. Nothing makes me smile more than a compliment for a job well done. I find joy in being there for someone who needs a little extra encouragement - that feeling makes my heart sing.

What about motivation? What do you plug into to inspire you to want to do better, go farther, and try harder? You might be motivated by fear, guilt, peer pressure, or more of an internal clock pushing you to push yourself.

Brianna Steinhilber wrote about 3 times of motivation in her article for Better by Today.

1. Extrinsic Doing an activity to attain or avoid a separate outcome
2. Intrinsic An internal drive for success or sense of purpose
3. Family Motivated by the desire to provide for your loved ones

What about fear as a motivator? So how can you let go of fear, unplug, and re-route your lines to joy?

First….why are we motivated by fear? I found an article the explains why fear is a poor motivator at sevenhealth.com

As humans, we are hardwired to seek pleasure and to avoid pain. According to Freud, as children, this desire is the driving principle behind all choices and is about immediate gratification.

But as we enter adulthood, we learn to delay gratification, which is known as the reality principle. As part of this, one is able to rationalize the desire for long term pleasure and so in the short term is able to endure the pain of one type or another.

The problem with fear as a motivator is, it is limited in its ability to create motivation over the long term. It can be a helpful spark for some people, but if this is all they’ve got, it’s highly likely to lead to failure.

Does it all come back around to perception? So much of life does. How you see things directly affects how you react. What you hear and believe dictates how you respond. We should be held accountable but responsible for us and everyone around us? I don't think so!

For me, I had to start listening to myself. For too long I had modeled and shaped my life based on the thoughts and opinions of others. What to say, what to do, who to be, and how to feel. I couldn’t even hear myself if I was even trying to assert my own ideas at all. I had to take a step back and sit with my own thoughts and feelings to be able to recognize them as my own. Once I was able to tap in and listen to myself I started gaining confidence and trusting what I heard. I’m looking out for me now and that’s ok, it’s not selfish or self-centered it’s responsible.

Once I was attuned to myself, I started looking for sources of inspiration that were truly inspiring - out for my greater good and brought joy into my life. When I let go of fear, my obsession to be responsible for everyone around me, and my need to please - I found so much extra time and energy that I could channel into whatever source served me.

• I need time by myself, time with God, and time with positive people who want also want to plug into the positive - so I plug into my connections
• I need to encourage and serve in a healthy and constructive way. - so I plug into volunteering
• I need to create, design, and impact my surroundings with my art - so I plug into creativity
• I need to explore and grow - books, languages, new ideas, hobbies - so I plug into education

Inspiredgoodvibes.com helps us with 10 ways to stay connected to good energy every day.

1. HAVE A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE
2. CONNECT TO YOUR BODY
3. MONITOR YOUR THOUGHTS
4. TRUST
5. Be PRESENT
6. LIVE IN LOVE (not fear, doubt, and worry.)
7. ALLOW - FOLLOW THE ENERGY
8. HONOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHOICES
9. BE GRATEFUL
10. GIVE

CHALLENGE: evaluate your current source of energy and unplug when you feel depleted. You have the power to choose a more positive source of inspiration - plugin and share your joyful current with others.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show...we will be finding our voices and speaking up! Gone are the days of passively watching life unfold before your eyes. A silent bystander in your own story. It’s time to communicate in a kind but direct way, what you want, need, and desire. Whether you’re afraid to rock the boat or worried that you won’t be able to control the volume once you get started, there is a positive and healthy alternative for you. If Encouragementology has opened your eyes to anything it’s that you have the power to change what isn’t working. First, you have to understand it isn’t working, then you need to be willing to change your perspective and take action.

We’ve all heard things like “use your inside voice”, “speak up I can’t hear you” (well maybe not me lol) “do you know how to whisper”, “be direct”, “say what you mean” - There seem to be numerous ways and lots of rules when it comes to using your voice. You’re never going to get it 100% right and really? Who wrote the rules.

What happens if you don’t communicate your wants, needs, and desires to those you love? You don’t get them. No one is a mind reader and some of it SHOULD be common sense but you can’t rely on everyone’s ability to do the kindest and most responsible thing. Sometimes it takes you leading the way.

What about communicating fears, challenges, and boundaries? The same thing goes. It takes you, finding your voice, speaking up, and realizing people will treat you the way they want unless you show them how you want to be treated.

Kit Stone wrote an article for Rewire called Communicating Your Needs Isn't Selfish, It's Selfless

Some people have more experience communicating their needs than others. To get into this type of conversation, Rose suggests a four-step process of “naming what you need and asking for how to remedy your emotions” that doesn’t attack or place blame and allows you room to speak from your heart.

1. Describe your observations
2. Name how the situation makes you feel
3. State what you need
4. Make a specific request

We explore boundaries as a way to feel free to speak your mind...Creating healthy boundaries can be hard enough. Knowing you need to make a change in your life and then being willing to let go, move on, distance, or eliminate can be life-changing. But when you don’t clearly communicate your wishes, it can be futile

I found a good evaluation in Boundary Setting and Healthy Communication from the Georgia Way

Here are some examples of Healthy Boundaries

• Appropriate trust. Moving step by step into intimacy – emotionally and physically.
• Staying focused on your own growth.
• Maintaining personal values despite what others want.
• Noticing and speaking up when someone invades your boundaries.
• Trusting your own decisions.
• Knowing who you are and what you want.
• Self-respect – not putting too much hope in someone else.
• Recognizing that friends and family are not mindreaders.
• Not allowing someone to take advantage of you and your generosity.
• Saying “No” to food, gifts, touch, and sex that you do not want.

And here are some examples of Unhealthy boundaries

• Trusting no one or trusting everyone.
• Letting others define you, direct you, and/or describe your reality.
• Going against personal values or rights to please another person.
• Allowing someone to take as much as they want from you.
• Falling in love with someone who reaches out, or with a new acquaintance.
• Telling all and talking at an intimate level at the first meeting.
• Expecting others to fulfill your needs.
• Believing others can anticipate your needs.
• Being sexual for your partner, not yourself.
• Sexual and physical abuse.

We talk about the interruption technology is having on meaningful communication...We have multiple communication devices at our fingertips for the better part of a day but can’t seem to get our point across or our true feelings understood. We make quick judgments and move on to the next person. We shorten our response to just logistical responses and never get past a shallow intent.

What is happening to us as a society from not being able to adequately communicate our feelings? It’s as if we’ve been given a global coloring book and asked to stay between the lines. There is article after article strongly communicating opinions and asking you to join their march or is a hunt. Social media has given a soapbox to anyone who can type a post and texting has replaced the need to look someone in the eye to get your point across.

Melissa Nilles wrote and an article entitled: Technology is Destroying the Quality of Human Interaction What I find interesting and a little sad is that this article was written in 2012 - here we are 8 years later and instead of moving in the right direction, we’ve created even more and faster avenues for the same behaviors.

Finding your voice can look different for different people. Not everyone struggles with asserting themselves and communicating their ideas. Not everyone is in need of healthier boundaries, not everyone struggles with self-confidence, not everyone relies on social media or technology to keep them connected.

But everyone can identify with a need to communicate your wants, needs, desires, challenges, and fears in a healthy and nurturing way. You can go with the flow not making waves or you can flap your arms and swim. It’s your choice.

Kathy Caprino gives us 5 Steps To Speaking Up Powerfully When You Feel You Can't

1: Examine what you learned in childhood.

2: Get very clear about what you need to say, and have that conversation.

3: Be the highest version of yourself when you communicate.

4: Understand the ecosystem and the individual you’re dealing with.

5: Prepare for the consequences

Many people resist speaking up for themselves because they dislike angering others. If you're striving every minute to make everyone happy, then you're not making yourself happy, and you’re not saying and doing what needs to be done to live a successful, fulfilling life.

CHALLENGE: Find the courage to speak up so you can honor your own boundaries, clarify what is not acceptable to you, and start living a happier, healthier, more empowered life.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…...we are talking about patience & resilience, the concept of Bloom Where You’re Planted. Are you ever exactly where you want to be in your life? It’s ok to be pointed toward the horizon but keeping your focus, hopes, and dreams there means you can’t prosper where you are. Today we are here. Why wait another moment to bloom. It may not be a perfect time but today has been given to you and each one should be preciously handled. There is opportunity all around you, here, and there.

Sometimes it takes hearing something over and over and over before it takes root and other times it’s a revelation. I just heard “Bloom Where You’re Planted” last week. BOOM it hit me!

Hearing it out of context, you could think it means just be happy with who you are and where you are and don’t strive for better. However, that isn’t where my mind went. I would have pruned those roots right out because I’m all about goal setting, action planning, and personal growth. What I heard is you have an opportunity today and every day. If you put off personal development until you reach your destination then you’ve missed some of the ripest opportunities for growth.

Today, you might not be able to change your logistical circumstance but you can change your mindset and find a new way to grow in ways you hadn’t thought of. When things are going perfectly you don’t have to be as creative, patient, or resilient. It’s when you hit a challenging time that it forces you to modify your approach and look for positive alternatives.

Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries helps us understand and deal with disappointment in an article he wrote for Harvard Business Review.

We can’t avoid disappointment so we have to find ways to walk through it, understand it, and learn. I’ve heard it before - “I don’t have any expectations”. Which sounds good and super healthy but doesn’t it sound realistic? What happens when your expectations are for other people? Talk about disappointing. That was one of those ideas that didn’t immediately take root for me. “You can’t change other people.” I guess when I first heard it being a headstrong teenager, I took it as a challenge. A heart-breaking, overwhelmingly frustrating challenge.

I found this article that breaks it down a bit: Expectations are premeditated disappointments: Five ways to maintain a flexible mindset in an uncertain world

1. Put your thoughts and feelings somewhere you can look at them.
2. Notice your time-traveling mind. Your mind’s ability to travel in time is amazing.
3. Intentionally take varied perspectives.
4. Establish a “present-moment anchor”.
5. Label expectations as to what they are: hopes and worries.

See you’ve always had the power, even when you’ve felt completely helpless. I love a change in perception, it opens up a whole new world of possibilities. So just like my revelation of “Bloom Were You’re Planted”, I find new ways of seeing the same thing when I listen to others.

Mallory Joy gives us 5 Ways to Bloom Where We're Planted in her article for Medium

1. Embrace the challenge.
2. Stop complaining.
3. Focus on others.
4. Celebrate the small things.
5. Visualize the future.

Embrace the difficulty, knowing that these experiences make you who you are. There will be beauty from ashes, but it’s just the challenge at the moment to keep that end goal in mind.

CHALLENGE: take a moment and notice where you are. Be thankful for the gift of awareness and the power to make the most of every moment. Have patience as you dig in and bloom where you’re planted. Seize the day and shine!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we will be releasing guilt. Are you tired of feeling guilty for feeling guilty? You aren’t alone. We’ve all done something we aren’t very proud of, disappointed someone, and let ourselves down. Carrying shame and guilt can be a full-time job that prevents you from realizing your true potential. I wish we could just let go of what doesn’t serve us in a positive way but let’s be honest, it is not that easy. The first step is awareness, then understanding, and then if you are good and ready...the releasing.

When do you feel those guilty feelings creeping in? Sometimes they can grab you in the pit of your stomach and say “hey...are you forgetting something?” and you are back to square one. Reminded of everything you’ve done wrong instead of what you’re doing right. Catching yourself before you start to spiral means you can change direction. “Nooooo...I haven’t forgotten anything BUT I did forgive myself and today I’m working on myself and staying stuck in the past, where I don’t have the control to change anything, it’s helpful! So back off!”

MADISYN TAYLOR reminds us that ...There is freedom that comes with awareness, because with it comes the opportunity to make a choice.

Fatin Khan, gives some ways to work on self-awareness:

If we are concocting the right recipe for a change in behavior then we have to add a dash of willingness. No one can want the change more than you. Sure, your family can plead with you concerned about your well being. Your partner can beg you to let go and move one. But all the self-help books, motivational blogs, and inspirational quotes won’t be enough to make it happen. You have to be open and willing and wanting something more.

I found The Definitive Guide to Guile from Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne :

Guilt Cause #1: Guilt for something you did.

Guilt Cause #2: Guilt for something you didn’t do, but want to.

Guilt Cause #3: Guilt for something you think you did.

Guilt Cause #4: Guilt that you didn’t do enough to help someone.

Guilt Cause #5: Guilt that you’re doing better than someone else.

Our feelings are important and what directly impacts the quality of our lives. For too many of us, feelings have been cast off and or shoved done so we can maintain a normal appearance to everyone around us. But unlike Scarlett O’hara, not everyone can afford to push these feelings off for another day. It’s important to deal with your emotions today and understand where your power to change comes from.

So is shame the cherry on top? As if guilty feelings weren’t enough, we have to add shame to the mix to tighten the chains and keep a positive future a little further from our reach.

Dr. Neel Burton sheds some light on Shame and Guilt in an article he wrote for Psychology Today.

...Shame and guilt often go hand in hand, which is why they are so often confused. For instance, when we injure someone, we often feel bad about having done so (guilt), and, at the same time, feel bad about ourselves (shame).

So let’s add a little control or lack of to the pot. What can I do NOW to control the situation? Since we’ve established the obvious, I have no control over the past then the only place I do have control is in the present which will predict the future.

Better butter up the forgiveness because that’s the only thing standing between me and the completion of this dish. I have to forgive to move forward.

I love the perspective of Darlene Lancer in her article 18 Tips to Overcome Guilt and Forgive Yourself.

Here are just a few of her suggested tips:

1. If you’ve been rationalizing your actions, take responsibility. “Okay, I did (or said) it.”
2. Write a story about what happened, including how you felt about yourself and others involved before, during, and after.
3. Analyze what were your needs at that time, and were they being met. If not, why not?

Forgiving yourself is not forgetting. There is learning and growth in forgiveness. You have more chapters to explore and being encumbered with the past will just derail your journey.

CHALLENGE: Don’t dismiss your emotions or allow negative feelings to rewrite your destiny. You have the power to walk through guilt and shame, understand your role and responsibility, evaluate your control, and let go so that you can move forward with the freedom to realize your true potential.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…..we are talking about hope and most importantly, instilling hope. Such a beautiful subject in the midst of what feels like hopeless times. I want you to know you have power! A real power to affect change. All we have to do is tap into it, activate it, nurture it, and spread it. Hope is an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one's life or the world at large. As a verb, its definitions include: "expect with confidence" and "to cherish a desire with anticipation." The very act of being hopeful instills hope.

Encouragementology is the practice of instilling hope. A practice I created to make the act of encouraging others more intentional. Did you know that according to science and research, most of us live 95% to 97% of our lives on autopilot . . . we don t consciously think about many of the things we are doing each day.

I talk about the revelation that started my journey...What I found through that experience changed my world and uncovered my true purpose. I think your purpose was instilled in you at an early age and for some, it came to the surface naturally and for others, an exhaustive search just left them more confused. It may be because your “true purpose” sounds so grand and meaningful when it may be so blatant and simple.

Encouragement. That’s what the world needs most. Love, yes, that is a given but encouragement makes things happen. Gives ideas flight. Lifts a person over an obstacle and propels them further and faster. Encouragement instills hope.

But don’t just take it from me…..I found some good stuff on factgoods.com Words of Encouragement and Inspiration and the Science Behind How they Work

Let’s think about the ability to instill hope when your first thoughts are dejected. You wake up full of regret and anxiety about the day. You have work left undone, bills piling up, and a bank account that is shrinking. Where is the joy and how are you supposed to fake it. You take that sour attitude with you into your first encounter. Someone else hit the snooze too many times and grumpy has some company. You both make matters worse by finding even more wrong with the world. Now you are searching for others to pull into your pit of despair. Not enough in your immediate vicinity….no worries, you have the whole Facebook network to inform. All the likes and loves just confirms this day sucks!

Exhausting!! How about you climb back into bed and start this over by harness your power to affect change. The alarm goes off and you take a moment to listen, and ready your mind to find gratitude. Today I will have a positive outlook, no matter what or who crosses my path, I’m in charge of my mind. Thank you for a chance to share encouraging thoughts with another person today. I’m going to seize the opportunity to make a difference. You stay lifted as you head into work and encounter your first person. Ah, he seems down, let me remind him of all that is right with the world. “Good morning Stan, thank you for your help last week with those reports, I couldn’t have done it without you. Have a great day! Remember, you’re in charge”. You diverted Stan with a moment of positive reflection which just might have snapped him out of his mood. But here is the great thing about encouragement. It isn’t your job to make Stan see the positives in the day, it’s only to instill hope and let him uncover them himself.

Continuing to build up our pro’s column, here are five more benefits of encouragement from Kevin Eikenberry.

• Encouragement provides awareness
• Encouragement creates belief
• Encouragement builds confidence
• Encouragement improves attitude
• Encouragement promotes action

Did you know that you can actually fake a smile as an ice-breaker? Today with so much communication being experienced through technology, even having direct eye contact can seem forward. But do it anyway and then smile.

We dig a little deeper into the science of something so simple. Here is an article I found from Leo Wildridge: The Science of Smiling: A Guide to The World’s Most Powerful Gesture

We explore Here’s Your CUE... To give people an applicable take-away from my sessions I developed Here’s Your CUE. CUE stands for: connect, understand, and encourage. This idea is tangible and easier to identify.

It starts with making a connection. Not on the phone or over the internet, but a real face-to-face connection with another human being. Next is to understand….You don’t have to agree with someone to understand where they are coming from. Just listen to understand. And lastly...Encourage. “You Can Do It! I know you can, I have faith in you, I believe that you can succeed, I know you have what it takes, I’m confident you can do it!”

Maintaining strong human connections is not only your gift to humanity it is for your own well-being and survival. Donna Pisacano Brown wrote a piece for LiHerald.com called The Power of Human Connection:

CHALLENGE: Take control of your day and point your trajectory in a positive way. Use your encounters as a chance to instill hope by connecting, listening to understand, and offering words of encouragement. What are you waiting for? Here’s your CUE!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we will be zoning out to find some peace! Unplugging from the fear zone, the hate zone, the stress, zone, and of course, the negativity zone. It’s quite alright to bury your head in the sand every once in a while and find a little zen. Everything in moderation, even moderation. I can’t imagine there is a person out there today who wouldn’t echo that enough is enough and if given the opportunity, welcome peace with open arms. Well, guess what? We don’t have to wait for the clouds to part...we can make them separate and conjure the sun. You have the power to find and adopt a peaceful attitude.

We explore the fact that everyone wants your attention, to agree with their opinions, and ultimately, their agendas. You don’t have to seek “it” out - it’s all around you finding new ways to get in your face and capture your attention.

I found some interesting research that I haven’t even considered from the Pews Research Center on Psychological Stress and Social Media Use

BY KEITH HAMPTON, LEE RAINIE, WEIXU LU, INYOUNG SHIN AND KRISTEN PURCELL

This study explores the digital-age realities of a phenomenon that is well documented: Knowledge of undesirable events in other’s lives carries a cost — the cost of caring.

In the last 30 days, how often have you:

• Been upset because of something that happened unexpectedly
• Felt that you were unable to control the important things in your life
• Felt nervous and “stressed”
• Felt confident about your ability to handle any personal problems
• Felt that things were going your way
• Found that you could not cope with all the things that you had to do
• Been able to control irritations in your life
• Felt that you were on top of things
• Been angered because of things that were outside of your control
• Felt difficulties were piling up so high that you could not overcome them

Critics fear that these technologies take over people’s lives, creating time pressures that put people at risk for the negative physical and psychological health effects that can result from stress.

Since the competition for your attention is so fierce, the media has gotten much more clever in the way they deliver a headline. Everything has a “burning building” appeal to make you click. Click bait. And because there is an endless stream of updates it’s natural to just skim the headlines to try and keep up. But at what cost?

For my Father who suffered with Parkinsons and dementia, we had to eliminate his news consumption. The headlines were so sensational that he actually felt the danger was more eminent and stayed in a state of fear. My Mother would be classified as a news junky. She religiously reads the paper, watches the news, and checks the headlines on her phone for fun. I wondered what was really going on and how having access to news 24 hours a day was doing to us.

MARKHAM HEID covered this exact topic in his article for Time. He said...A recent survey from the American Psychological Association found that, for many Americans, “news consumption has a downside.”

More than half of Americans say the news causes them stress, and many report feeling anxiety, fatigue or sleep loss as a result, the survey shows. Yet one in 10 adults checks the news every hour, and fully 20% of Americans report “constantly” monitoring their social media feeds—which often exposes them to the latest news headlines, whether they like it or not.

“Try to be aware of how [the news] changes your mood or makes your thoughts more negative,” Davey advises. If you notice a news-induced surge of pessimism, taking a breather with mood-lifting activities like listening to music, exercising or watching something that makes you laugh may all help counteract those dark vibes.

You could also pare back your news habit. “Most of us these days have news alerts set on our smartphones, and 24-hour news on continuously in the background,” he says. “That’s probably far too much.”

I’m not guilty of overconsuming but I am guilty of overthinking. It’s difficult for me to shut it off. I might be thinking about 'to-dos', writing the list, remembering to check the list, obsessing over what I forgot to put on the list, the schedule I have for the week, what would make the schedule more efficient,.....endless I tell you.

I sleep with a sleep machine-turned to white-noise mixed with heavy rain + two fans to drown it out. I used to sit and fixate my eyes on something and get the stares. Have you ever had those? It’s almost like you’re in a trance and you can’t look away but what you notice is that your body and mind are perfectly still. With all the gadgets I have today I’ve forgotten that trick and instead, grab a device to eat up any extra time I find myself with.

We walk through these steps on how to unplug and not think - Give Your Mind a Rest: Practice Not-Thinking - written for pyscologytoday.com

1. Open your five sense doors to whatever is happening around you.
2. Open the hand of thought.
3. Let the world speak for itself.

Two tips for successfully practicing not-thinking

1. Don’t let thoughts “stick.”
2. Let go of opinions and judgments.

CHALLENGE: If you feel a media-intake overload take action and unplug, zone out, and find peace. It’s perfectly healthy to be empathetic but it’s not healthy to absorb all that you encounter. You are in control of your consumption so be responsible.

I Know YOU Can Do!

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On this show...we are talking about the struggle. The struggles we encounter in life, that we need to overcome, and the growth benefits from doing so. I’m not advocating looking for a good struggle or to purposely put yourself in the middle of a challenge but the fact is, they are inevitable, and the better you are equipped to handle them, the better the outcome. I would be remiss if we didn’t also talk about stepping back and letting those in our lives fight their own battles. Everyone needs to experience the process; challenge, fight, perseverance, success, or failure. Letting that happen naturally without your assistance maybe a whole other issue.

First things first, pick your battles! Have you ever been in the middle of a conflict when an enlightening thought enters your mind…”What are you doing?” “Why do you care and is this even your fight?” Drop the other end of that tug-o-war rope and get to a higher vantage point. Where do you want to exert your efforts?

Good for you for being passionate enough to want to help everyone around you but check your motives. Are you passionate about giving and seeing others succeed or do you want to be in control and right? We’ll come back to that to explore it deeper.

But before...let’s go a little deeper into this notion that great growth comes from adversity. Here are 7 ways from 7mindset.com

1-Stimulate your growth with a new perspective 2-See with greater clarity by letting the dust settle 3-Maintain composure through compartmentalizing 4-Give yourself a win by doing something productive 5-Exceed your individual potential by asking for help 6-Give yourself a fresh start with silence 7-Take the long view by elevating another perspective

I like to break out my life into sections, the years I bumped around like a rumba learning to go another direction from all the brick walls I smashed into and then years of enlightenment. You know when one more turn of the pick jar lid brought about a new and brilliant revelation. Why did it take so many years and so many failed attempts to realize something so simple?

Baby scientist, Dr. Vanessa LoBue gives us an idea of how children build resilience in her article; When the Going Gets Tough she wrote for pyscologytoday.com

So what happens when you are hell-bent on saving the world? Or at least it looks like that on the outside. For some reason, you are convinced that people (those in your family and those around you) can’t get through challenges without your assistance.

Even if we don’t dig too far into this deeply rooted compulsive behavior let’s establish this. It’s important for human growth and success that people be given time and space to figure things out.

Helping others can become addictive. Annika Martins gives us her perspective on this idea in an article she wrote for tiny buddha.

Share your talents and resources. Generously give your time and attention. But you cannot pour a magical tonic on the wounds of every person walking the planet. It’s not your job. And if it were, it’d be a sucky job because you’d fail at it every single day.

Get back in your hula-hoop. A wise woman who was very influential in my own recovery gave me that visual and as a visual learner, it made sense. Imagine standing in the middle of a hula-hoop and having the space around you like your space to operate and a natural buffer to others, a healthy boundary. Snap your figure and you can be back to repeating old patterns, it’s a knee jerk and before you know it you are out of your hula-hoop and into someone else’s. Now it takes focus and consistency to keep your hula-hoop spinning so when you are hanging out in someone else’s - who’s manning yours?

Ask yourself a couple of qualifying questions:

• Is this my problem?
• What am I forfeiting by redirecting my energy?
• What is the worst that could happen if they fail?
• How much could they gain by working this out on their own?

CHALLENGE: Embrace a challenge with the confidence that you have the power to navigate your way through. Reach out when you need to consult expert advice and encouragement. Step back when your need to fix interrupts someone’s need to learn.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we are talking about teamwork and the power of connections. Even though being self-sufficient and independent might be A goal it’s not THE goal. We need each other to survive and thrive... and guess what, our soul craves each other. So before you strike out on your own, making your journey to self-discovery a solo mission, settle in as we talk about why creating a healthy network of friends, family, and acquaintances is the only way to travel!

Teamwork makes you think of business but we are talking about relationships with family and friends and the need for connection.

LEAH MANDEL interviewed a scientist to find out why we need friends in an article she wrote for thefader.com

Friends are important. So important, in fact, that it’s been proven that friendship can extend life expectancy and lower chances of heart disease. Friendship helps us survive. Part of why that is has to do with what happens in our brains when we interact with other humans: a 2011 study detailed the role of the neurobiological endogenous opioid system (the stuff in our brains that make us feel good) in positive social relationships; in 2016, researchers found evidence of the release of oxytocin in primate brains during social interactions; and later that year, psychologists conducted a study that suggested levels of pain tolerance can predict how many friends someone has.

At one point we needed each other to survive, really survive - it was the buddy system. You watch my back while I forage for food or you help me build this shelter and provide a different perspective to my ideas. Obviously today, the same threats and challenges don’t exist but our wiring still craves others.

Leave it to Harvard in one of it’s longest studies to reveal that relationships is what makes us happier and more successful

“The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships have a powerful influence on our health,” Robert Waldinger, a psychiatrist, and professor at Harvard Medical School told The Harvard Gazette in 2017. “Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.”

“Our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned into relationships, with family, with friends, with community,” Waldinger said in the TED Talk.

There has to be a healthy balance. Creating and maintaining healthy relationships shouldn’t feel like another thing on your to-do list, working out, eating healthy, and making friends. It should feel satisfying and rewarding which would motivate you to seek that kind of feeling on a regular basis. I love to blow young people’s minds by telling them about a time when people would “visit”. You know stop by, or pop in, or better yet, a scheduled get-together. I think first they are amazed that you would actually spend a whole afternoon talking with someone. When you can send 5 to 10k abbreviated messages a month, an afternoon with the same person seems like a waste of time!

Let’s explore other ways to show love from Dr. Roni Beth Tower in an article she wrote for psychology today.

Sharing is so important, so let’s talk about it - What do we share?

• Moments
• Experiences and Discoveries
• Thoughts and Opinions
• Feelings, concerns, reactions
• Tasks
• Allocating priorities, commitments
• Dreams and Vision

How do we share:

• By spending time together
• By coordinating and organizing
• Through allocating and doing the work, tasks
• By discussing and communicating
• By providing a reality check, another pair of ears
• Through vision and visualization
• Through defining problems and finding and testing solutions
• Through unconscious mirroring

When you find trust, honest, support, and love from a spouse, a long-time friend, or a new acquaintance, nurture that relationship. Make it a priority within your life. If you’ve become complacent and closed off, take this time and an opportunity to open yourself up to the possibilities of a new relationship. Reach out and ask for inclusion and networking. You aren’t the only one with the craving.

CHALLENGE: reach out, in person and schedule some time to get caught up on the lives of those you love. Make room and a real effort to invite more people into your fold. Share, learn, and grow in the love of a strong and supportive network. There is no better investment.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…. We are set on nipping negativity in the Bud! Now you might think, yeah right, every failed attempt starts with good intentions but we aren’t accepting failure here. Instead, we are going to tap into the power we have to drown out, avoid, or bury negativity energy with positive thoughts and actions. Doesn’t every successful ending echo power? The power you have available to you to activate. This show is all about positive alternatives to some of life’s challenges. It’s not about denying that there are real challenges that you will face on a daily if not hourly basis. But instead of sinking in the bog of helplessness, we are searching for positive alternatives to cope and succeed.

We cover the power to choose. What a wonderful sense of freedom that evokes. You have the power to choose what you allow into your mind and at least, what takes root.

Next, we dive into defining and fully understanding Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. You can read into that definition a multitude of meanings. The first thing I heard is the ability to understand. How then, do you develop the ability to understand? I’m not sure you can fully understand someone without the ability to listen to them.

Here are some thoughts we are going to explore from Amy Morin, LCSW, a psychotherapist and author of the bestselling book "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do,".

Active listening refers to a pattern of listening that keeps you engaged with your conversation partner in a positive way. It is the process of listening attentively while someone else speaks, paraphrasing and reflecting back what is said, and withholding judgment and advice.

Here are some features of active listening:1

• Neutral and nonjudgmental
• Patient (periods of silence are not "filled")
• Verbal and nonverbal feedback to show signs of listening (e.g., smiling, eye contact, leaning in, mirroring)
• Asking questions
• Reflecting back what is said
• Asking for clarification
• Summarizing

These tips will help you to become a better active listener:

• Make eye contact while the other person speaks. In general, you should aim for eye contact about 60% to 70% of the time while you are listening. Lean toward the other person, and nod your head occasionally. Avoid folding your arms as this signals that you are not listening.
• Paraphrase what has been said, rather than offering unsolicited advice or opinions. You might start this off by saying "In other words, what you are saying is...".
• Don't interrupt while the other person is speaking. Do not prepare your reply while the other person speaks; the last thing that he or she says may change the meaning of what has already been said.
• Watch nonverbal behavior to pick up on hidden meaning, in addition to listening to what is said. Facial expressions, tone of voice, and other behaviors can sometimes tell you more than words alone.
• Shut down your internal dialogue while listening. Avoid daydreaming. It is impossible to attentively listen to someone else and your own internal voice at the same time.
• Show interest by asking questions to clarify what is said. Ask open-ended questions to encourage the speaker. Avoid closed yes-or-no questions that tend to shut down the conversation.
• Avoid abruptly changing the subject; it will appear that you were not listening to the other person.
• Be open, neutral, and withhold judgment while listening.
• Be patient while you listen. We are capable of listening much faster than others can speak.
• Learn to recognize active listening. Watch television interviews and observe whether the interviewer is practicing active listening. Learn from the mistakes of others.

Somehow “sharing the feelings of another” has turned into a power struggle of who is right and who is wrong. Sharing the feelings of another doesn’t mean you have to stand in their shoes but it means that you are open to imagine how they must feel.

To help us explore the different types of empathy, I found some ideas from the Mindtools.com team.

Whatever you focus on grows. Think about that. Imagine you have a watering can instead of a hose hooked up to an endless supply of water. With your watering can, you are going to water and give life and power to something or someone. Would that help you narrow your focus to concentrate on only the things that truly matter? Would you waste your water just to be right or to teach someone else a lesson? Would you waste an ounce on growing suspicion, negative opinions, or gossip?

With a limited supply of focus, we are looking for the most impact. ANGELINA ZIMMERMAN describes 8 Sensational Ways to Create a Positive Impact Every Day for Ince.com

CHALLENGE: activate your power to choose positivity and eliminate negative feelings. Take the time to understand the thoughts and opinions of those around you and love them anyway. Even when you may not agree or fully understand, choose to love.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show... we are going to complete the circle. Loss is inevitable and grieving happens whether we ask for it or not but happiness is a pursuit. Let’s talk about the many losses that trigger the grieving process whether it’s an insignificant disappointment or a loss that shakes us to our core. How we handle loss greatly impacts how we embrace life and our motivation or happiness. You wouldn’t want one without the other. Loss can be a cruel teacher but without loss, one can’t truly appreciate happiness & joy.

Might as well start with dark and move to the light right? But why does the grieving process always conjure the idea of sadness, extended mourning, prolonged grief? In fact, the dictionary’s definition of grief is; deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death. What is sorrow? A feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others.

So what is grief? I found some really helpful information from the helpguide.com or understanding dealing with grief.

The grieving process is not the same for everyone

Grieving is a highly individual experience; there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.

We cover some different myths about grieving like this on:

Myth: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it

Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain:

• Acknowledge your pain.
• Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
• Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
• Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
• Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
• Recognize the difference between grief and depression.

We cover the five stages of grief

• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

I talk about the recent loss of my Father from a long-term illness and facility and how my grieving process started over more than once.

We walk through the emotional symptoms of grief:

Shock and disbelief Sadness Guilt Anger Fear

And some of the physical symptoms:

Fatigue Nausea Lowered immunity Weight loss or weight gain Aches and pains Insomnia

We explore complicated grief and the importance of reaching out and being willing to round the circle to seeking happiness.

How do you remain optimistic in the face of severe challenges? Here are three quick tips that can make a big difference I found in an article BY JUSTIN BARISO for inc.com. Try these in the morning to put you in on the path to seeking happiness.

1. Find someone to thank
2. Pick a time to stop working
3. Plan to give

CHALLENGE: Notice and explore your emotions to determine what you need. Reach out and embrace help and the joy it brings. You have the power to nurture or push yourself as needed. It’s your choice.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we’re gonna do better than just survive, we’re talking about thriving. Growing, developing, prospering, and flourishing! If you feel stuck in a cycle of barely getting by or through each day, turn up the dial. You don’t have to succumb to simply existing. There are tools, strategies, and connections that can help change your state of mind and put you back in control.

Think back and try to pinpoint the moment you started losing your fight. If we are going to apply a new strategy we need to know at what point you switched from thriving to just surviving. I shared my own experience with co-dependency and how I was able to break free and focus my energy on healing myself.

I shared a story of Caleb that mirrors aspects of my own told by Christine Hammond a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with over one million downloads of her popular podcast, “Understanding Today’s Narcissist,”.

The following steps are only an outline of the process that Caleb began. However, the specifics need to be catered for each’s strengths and weaknesses.

1. Acknowledge the obstacle within you.
2. Make a list of positive and negative characteristics.
3. Choose one thing to change at a time.
4. All change will be met with resistance.
5. Recognize the need for help.
6. Don’t expect immediate praise from others.
7. Be patient with others.

We talked about using self-pity as a crutch. How many times have you wallowed in your own self-pity putting off change because of fear or defiance? Sometimes it’s just easier to stay where you are and lick your wounds shrouding yourself in your own disappointment.

Most people are well-intentioned; they have big dreams and ambitions they want to achieve. Yet day after day, they find themselves stuck in the same routines to the remark of, ‘I’ll do it tomorrow.’ You’ve been there. You know it can feel impossible to change your life when momentum is working against you.

We walked through some ideas from Reece Robertson who is a self-proclaimed freedom addict in an article for medium: Good Intentions Aren’t Good Enough.

Most of us can’t go it alone. Whether you are protecting your pride or a deep dark secret, keeping your true struggle to yourself has been your go-to default. But isolating these thoughts only gives them more power over you. Reach out to a trusted advisor, friend, or family member. Be open to positive and honest feedback. When you are protecting your pity, it’s hard to hear anything on the contrary. Include your willingness to participate in your own recovery in your commitment plan.

Eric Ravenscraft examines this in an article he wrote for the NY Times on Why Talking About Our Problems Helps So Much (and How to Do It)

There is a fundamental difference between thriving and surviving. Surviving means, “to continue to live or exist,” while thrive can be defined as “to grow or develop well, to prosper or to flourish.”

We talked through some thought-provoking ideas from Tamara Lechner for chopra.com

Signs You’re Living in Survival Mode

• You choose the path of least resistance.
• You are more reactive than proactive
• You blame circumstances or others or find excuses when things go wrong.
• You feel there is never enough to go around.
• You don’t speak your mind because others might disagree.
• You don’t listen to hear; you listen to answer.
• You see failure as the end result of things gone wrong.
• Change scares you.

Quick Fixes to Get You Started on a Thriving Path

• Think about how you want to feel rather than what you want to have or do.
• Remind yourself of times in the past when you have felt like you were thriving. Visualize these times and remember how it felt.
• Make a vision board or get on Pinterest, where you’ll find inspirational quotes and ideas, and create a collage that reminds you of how you want to feel and what you want to do each day.
• Spend time every day in nature.
• Meditate
• Take a class or attend a retreat.
• Grab a book by someone who inspires you.
• Listen to a podcast or webinar.
• Do something that scares you.
• Change a habit.

CHALLENGE: make a commitment to live your best life. Don’t accept the status quo of barely surviving but instead, remove the barriers that are preventing you from challenging yourself to thrive. The path to self-discovery and your pace is up to you.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we talked about JOY, one of my favorite subjects. Now, you don’t have to be brimming with joy to participate. That’s just it, we are talking about generating joy. This is something you can actually take control of and make happen yourself. You have the power to be joyful. But harnessing your power and generating joy aren’t the only things we will be discussing, we are going to uncover the benefits of sharing this with others. Your joy and the secret to generating their own.

We talked about why it’s important to strive for a joyful feeling and what it can do to your body.

Carrie Murphy wrote an article on this for Healthline - How Joy Affects Your Body.

On a scientific level, we feel joy in our neurotransmitters, which are tiny chemical “messenger” cells that transmit signals between neurons (nerves) and other bodily cells. Those neurotransmitters are responsible for processes and feelings in almost every aspect of the body, from blood flow to digestion.

Benefits of feeling more joy:

• promotes a healthier lifestyle
• boosts immune system
• fights stress and pain
• supports longevity

Here are all the ways happiness runs throughout your body.

1. Your brain
2. Your circulatory system
3. Your autonomic nervous system

Did you know that you can even fake a smile to generate joy: “Smiling can trick your brain by elevating your mood, lowering your heart rate, and reducing your stress. The smile doesn’t have to be based on real emotion because faking it works as well.” — Dr. Samuel

You might believe happy people full of joy are people without any problems. They don’t suffer from health issues, financial issues, or relationship issues. They have it all together just running through a field of flowers chasing rainbows. But that isn’t true. Generating and activating joy in your life is a choice. Not being trapped by the negative pressures and the challenges of life is a choice.

Have you heard of the “Happy Place”? Someone might say to you, “Go to your Happy Place”. This can be more than a metaphor and become an actual place for you, in your mind. A refuge where you are reminded of happy thoughts and feelings to transport you to a healthier state of mind. With a little practice, you can use this escape at will. (We did a visualization exercise with journaling to conjure up your happy place and use it to transport yourself into an executive state of mind

We talked about rumination and how negative thoughts can prevent you from finding and using your “Happy Place”. Zawn Villines for Medical News Today - How to Stop Ruminating Thoughts

• Here are some ways to stop these thoughts:
• Avoid rumination triggers
• Spend time in nature
• Exercise
• Find a Distraction
• Push back with Interrogation
• Increase self-esteem
• Meditation

Consider collecting all these ideas for the ability to give yourself a “joy injection” whenever you need one. Feeling down today, don’t wait for someone to come along and pick up the pieces. YOU have the power to take control and generate joy. No longer should you succumb to sadness or a feeling of hopelessness. YOU have the power to generate joy. Be a light, a city on a hill. We are all attracted to a beautiful spirit that gives us hope. Before you allow negativity to block your joy and dim your light, climb up to that higher vantage point and be a city on a hill. One without obstruction that guides others to joy.

CHALLENGE: Don’t accept sadness as a stage of life. Push back and harness your power to generate joy. Create guides to help you find your Happy Place and share that feeling with others. Shine your light bright enough for others to follow.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show….we discussed patience, now before you turn the show off thinking, “I don’t have time for this”, maybe you’re the exact person who should be listening. All good things come in time, right? Well, yes but we will also be talking about persistence and resilience because there is much to be done during the waiting. Most of us would probably vote quick fix over long-term strategy even though the later, just by title, sounds a little more solid. Quick and easy is what appeals to us most. Quick means I can have it now and even if it is short-term, the problem is solved and I can worry about it again when the time comes.

We talked about life in quadrants: learning your way, establishing your roots, growing in your awareness, passing on your knowledge. In each of these sections of life, there is a general plan. You need to learn and grow in multiple areas to get to the next stage of life. In many cases, you have help, family members, teachers, and mentors and in other cases, you are doing research and adjusting your plan based on your experiences, both good and bad.

Thomas Oppong writes about The Japanese philosophy of Kaizen as a way to manage long-term goals.

Stop aiming for radical personal change, a magic bullet cannot save you; you’ve got to embrace the process and enjoy it. If you want to achieve your goal every time, create a system that works. Instead of a goal, design a great system or process. That way, you will always win.

The Kaizen approach was developed by Depression-era American business management theorists in order to build the arsenal of democracy that helped the US win World War II. The Japanese took to the idea of small, continual improvement right away and gave it a name: Kaizen.

The idea here is to focus on consistent, everyday improvements in your life—ones that make you better than you were yesterday—rather than how small the step you take is. Each day, just focus on getting 1% better in whatever it is you’re trying to improve. That’s it. Just 1%.

We revisited the idea of 100%: Remember the idea of giving 100% of what you have every day? The idea is not to deplete yourself but to give what you have. Today you may have just a little, bogged down by the weight of what’s going on around you but still, give all of it. I love visualization and to me, this image is something to strive for.

Jack Canfield puts it a little differently in his idea that 99% is a B*@#& and 100% is a Breeze listed on meaninfulhq.com

Successful people adhere to the “no exceptions rule” when it comes to their daily disciplines. Once you make a 100% commitment to something, there are no exceptions. It’s a done deal. Nonnegotiable. Case closed!

• What’s ONE thing in your life that you’re currently just partially committed to, but know you should be totally committed to? Write it down.
• What’s ONE thing you can do RIGHT NOW to help yourself get totally committed to it? Write it down.
• Go take action on what you wrote down above right now, or get committed to doing it within the next 24 hours.

We also talked about the importance of planning for the lulls: With any plan, you want to consider, timing and commitment level and at the same time foresee potential threats. No well-executed plan comes without a strategy and part of a successful strategy is to plan for the unconsidered. This is where resilience comes in.

Let’s explore resilience with some information I found from the American Psychological Association

Psychologists define resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors. As much as resilience involves "bouncing back" from these difficult experiences, it can also involve profound personal growth.

We explored ways to:

• Build Connections
• Foster Wellness
• Find Purpose
• Embrace Healthy Thoughts

Maintain a hopeful outlook. It’s hard to be positive when life isn’t going your way. An optimistic outlook empowers you to expect that good things will happen to you. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear. Along the way, note any subtle ways in which you start to feel better as you deal with difficult situations.

CHALLENGE: Don’t be quick to embrace quick & easy. You deserve success and the time it takes to execute a well thought out plan. What you have today is enough and will get your through to tomorrow. Reach out and let those you trust guide the way when it might feel easier to call it quits.

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On this show….we discussed disappointment, and not just being let down but facing serious challenges and coming up short time and time again. Regardless of your situation, we can all identify with being challenged, facing adversity, falling short, and harboring fear and resentment.

We talked about handling an accumulation of disappointments. How do you handle life when it seems like nothing is going your way?

I shared a little help from Laura Sue Brockway in 11 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Overcome Disappointment - this includes her professional opinion and some of the professionals she follows.

1. Take a moment to…wallow.
2. Do a reality check—is it really that bad?
3. Go high when hit with a low blow.
4. Don't stew in negativity.
5. Avoid anxious reactions by lowering stress.
6. Put things in perspective.
7. Try not to take other people's reactions and opinions to heart.
8. Limit others from dumping their disappointments.
9. Write down your distress.
10. Develop positive thinking muscles.
11. Breathe your way to a clear mind.

Life is full of challenges and as strong as you are or as strong as you become, they are unavoidable. What can change is your reaction to any situation. In the midst of a fight on the ground, it’s easy to cast blame, avoid responsibility, and walk away defeated leaving so many life lessons on the table. The advantage only comes from changing your perspective. On the ground, you only see what’s in front of you and only a few feet ahead. You can’t predict future trials but you can arm yourself with the knowledge to help you deal with them more effectively.

We talked about unhooking all the disappoint and lay it out to get a good look at each event. Sometimes we lump everything together making it overwhelming to deal with. I used the visualization of being Ebenezer Scrogg and try visiting each event as a third party onlooker.

Sometimes we need this vantage point to walk through the various stations of our life. Keeping events private, never dealing with emotional trauma, or uncovering the lesson means we harden, limiting our true potential.

We discussed the importance of reaching out and not trying to rebound on your own. I shared some insightful thoughts from Debbie Jorde - she struggles with insecurities and self-doubt. She is raising two children with special needs, battling bulimia & multiple sclerosis. She thought she was alone….until she reached out. Now the author of 8 fingers and 8 toes - Accepting Life’s Challenges.

1. Ask for Help
2. Set Personal Boundaries
3. Make Conscious Choices
4. Accepting Challenges Creates Better Health
5. Listen to Your Body
6. Build Healthy Habits
7. Get Regular Exercise, and Eat Healthily
8. Take Control of One Area of Your Life

Listen to the podcast to gain perspective on Debbie’s walk and how she came to this advice. Take control of one area of your life - When life keeps delivering blow after blow and you are overwhelmed feeling completely out of control. Take ONE back. Start small and find one thing you can own. For Debbie, it was her diet and exercise. Even struggling with health problems of her own, she could own this area of her life.

Instead of focusing on how to avoid the blow’s that life will inevitably deliver we’ve been focusing on rebounding. How to face the challenge, embrace the lesson, find support from others, and fuel your journey with knowledge. Ready to start moving forward again more empowered than before?

CHALLENGE: When the pressure gets too great, instead of taking a dive, reach out, and embrace the wisdom of human connections. Empower your self with the knowledge to fuel your resilience. You have what it takes to rebound and lead the charge!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…. we explored some of our options. Don’t you just love the word exploring? It gives us movement and freedom to research, consider, and try out almost anything. It’s an actionable word but it doesn’t force us to move at a predetermined pace or make any commitments we aren’t ready for. We are simply exploring and understanding. There are opportunities all around us. Some land in our lap whether we are conscious of it or not and others we have to uncover and bring to life. Exploring is about searching our hearts and our minds for what we want to happen next and then sifting through ideas and experiences until we find something that might fit.

We talked about uncertainty and why we succumb to its promise of “someday”. How can you embrace it now and find comfort?

Adam Sicinski -FINDING COMFORT IN UNCERTAINTY WHEN YOUR GOALS ARE ON THE LINE

• The Benefits of Uncertainty
• Preparing for Uncertainty
• Embracing Uncertainty
• Accepting uncertainty
• Building a Strong Support Network
• Investing in Yourself
• Managing Stress Levels
• Living for Today

Murphy’s law states that anything that could go wrong, will go wrong, at the worst possible time, all at once when you least expect it. If you don’t keep this law in mind as you are stepping onto the path of uncertainty, then, of course, unexpected things are likely to pop up and you might not be prepared to handle them.

• What’s the worst that could happen if I take action?
• What’s the worst that could happen if I don’t take action?
• What will I do about it?
• What could prevent me from taking action?
• How will I overcome these obstacles?

Create a Plan of Action

Replace any expectations that you may have with a written and tangible plan of action. A plan of action will help you to iron out all the details and will allow you to fit everything together into a concrete actionable structure. Ask yourself:

• What do I want?
• How will I pursue it?
• What will I do first?
• What will I do next?

We talked about vantage point and perspective...I use this idea often because it’s a reminder that your perspective plays a key role in success and failure. Stepping back and looking at the situation with a broader view will help you see all the moving parts. I like to think of it as climbing up on a mountain top and looking down. Here, from this vantage point, you can see potential roadblocks or new clear avenues. Anytime you feel rushed, uncertain, or overwhelmed. Take a pause, then a step back to consider the bigger picture.

What you really need is a change—a change of perspective. I found 7 ideas from Jeff Miller on theincrementallife.com

• Ask for help
• Walk away
• Start over
• Overhaul your routine
• Broaden you horizons
• Break out of your two-dimensional view
• Ask someone else to take the lead

In a quiet space, with time to yourself, start writing down all the things you are passionate about. This can include big broad strokes like; children, the elderly, gardening, entertaining, health & wellness….and so on.

Now, start exploring these ideas by taking each one and digging deeper:

• What feels like a hobby vs a job?
• How much time do you want to invest?
• Will there be a financial investment you will need to make?
• How does this idea algin with your goals, and current lifestyle?

Preparation is an important key to success. Every moment unknown is uncertain. Don’t use this undetermined time as a reason to go idle in the pursuit of your goals. Every step forward is a step in the right direction and you can start today. Climb up to that higher vantage point and spend some time exploring all your options.

CHALLENGE: see the challenge in uncertainty and harness your power to change your perspective. Explore opportunities while searching your heart for guidance. Plan, prepare, and procure - you will be happy you did!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show…. we are talking about boundaries; the need for them, how to establish them, and how to communicate your expectations for them. Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries is all about communication. It starts with you and it ends with you. We would all like to be free to nurture our mind, body, & spirit without the fear of attack. Boundaries give you space and freedom to safely move around and grow. Imagine a hula-hoop. We are going to use this visual to demonstrate space, not literal space but figuratively. You are in the center of your hula-hoop. You have free space all around you before you hit the edge. Comfortable there? Good. Stay in your hula-hoop and we will work through keeping everyone else in there’s. Ready build fences instead of walls?

You communicate, through your actions, how you want to be treated, and how you plan to treat others. Let’s dive into this concept because it’s two-sided.

We talk about both concepts - how you treat yourself and how you communicate the way you want others to treat you.

Great visual for why you overextend yourself when helping others: Imagine a horizontal line. Draw a vertical line at the midway point. Now, there is 50% on either side of that vertical line. If you go over the line, doing your 50 and then 30 more, you can put a marker at 80%. That leaves 20% left for the other person to do. Twenty percent is a cake-walk. 100% reward with only 20% effort - that’s something anyone could get comfortable with.

The big question is not why are people are taking you for granted but why you feel the need to do 30% more?

Not sure if you are giving too much? Shawn M. Burn Ph.D. with 12 Signs That You're Giving Too Much for Psychology Today

Not sure you can figure out how to stop? Dr Sheri Jacobson - How to Stop Giving Too Much in a Relationship

Good stuff on saying NO:

Saying NO can be the elephant in the room and create an awkward exchange if you let it. But effectively saying no can be one of the most gentle boundaries that can be appreciated by both parties.

First, let’s get comfortable with the word as we set some guidelines:

NO lying

NO excuses

NO emotions

NO defenses

NO negotiation

NO buts

Just NO.

You are asked for something that you don’t want to do or give and you respond…” I would love to help you out but I can’t”...silence. “That sounds like fun but I can’t make it”...silence. “I would really like to be there for you but I will have to say no”...silence.

By being clear and decisively answering the question, you established your boundary. When you make excuses, negotiate, or end with a but….you leave the door open for discussion and manipulation. The biggest hurdle is the feeling of disappointing someone but in all honesty, disappointing yourself should be your number one concern. When you say NO it frees the person asking to set their sights on another alternative. When you bend or recant, it keeps them prodding you until they get the answer they want.

Let’s figure out how to move forward with a few extra tips: Abigail Brenner M.D. - 7 Tips to Create Healthy Boundaries with Others

CHALLENGE: Look in the mirror to come face-to-face with your own wants, needs, and desires. Change your narrative and realize you are worth the effort. Lead by example and communicate a healthy boundary that uses fences instead of walls.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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On this show, we talked about support; understanding when you need it, recognizing when you can offer it, and being open enough to embrace it all. Many believe we have the power to manage our lives and our emotions very logically and systematically. The more you put it the more the payoff. You work hard and you get a big reward. Then life throws you a curveball, something you never saw coming, and you realize, no amount of preparation or sweat equity could help you easily turn this thing around. You need help. Admitting that is the most important step and definitely the hardest one. You feel like a failure because you weren’t able to manage life’s ups & downs on your own. In your mind, you are the only one who waved the white flag.

Recognizing you need help comes from being honest with yourself and in honesty, understanding your limitations. These could be physical limitations or emotional and they might be so closely intertwined that you can’t recognize the difference.

Stress happens. In fact, stress is perfectly normal and, in some cases, even beneficial.

John Rampton talks about 4 ways to deal with the stress of being overwhelmed without shutting down in an article for Entrepreneur.

John covers the effects of chronic stress and 4 ways to work through it.

1. Remember: This too shall pass.
2. Increase oxygen flow.
3. Prioritize and delegate.
4. Shift your focus.

Whether you're afraid someone will laugh at you for being incompetent, or you just can't admit to yourself that you don't have it all handled, asking for help can be hard. It can be embarrassing, too—especially if you feel like everyone else is keeping up and you're the only one falling behind.

Whether you're embarrassed to talk to your doctor about your depression, or you're scared to tell your boss you don't understand a project, the longer you put off asking for help, the worse your problem may become.

I found 5 Things to Remember When You're Embarrassed to Ask for Help from Amy Morin, LCSW for Psychology Today

1. Admitting you need help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
2. Getting help can save you a lot of time and aggravation.
3. Seeking assistance gives others an opportunity to serve you.
4. You aren't the only one struggling.
5. Asking for help can make you more comfortable in your own skin.

I talk about my own experience with support groups and starting my own over two years ago: ...Sharing your struggles is a way to receive support without directly asking for help. It gives you a chance to connect and bond in experience and understanding with people you might have no other reason to connect with. When we keep our experiences and our feelings about those negative or positive to ourselves, we tend to blur, exaggerate, add grandeur, or downplay what actually happened. These memories play over and over again in your mind and it’s natural that some facts could get forgotten or rosier endings are added. Giving an account to another trusted individual and help you work through these memories with accuracy which could, in turn, help you categorize these experiences differently.

But what if, despite what everyone says, you still feel alone? Well, I found 11 Things to Do When You Feel Like You Don't Have Anybody by Sarah Schuster for The Mighty.

1. Find a Facebook group for people who share a common interest.
2. Turn to a pet or spend time with animals.
3. Join a book club.
4. Find a support group.
5. Meet up with people through Meetup.
6. Start volunteering.
7. Find a buddy through The Buddy Project
8. Connect with someone on 7 Cups.
9. If you’re on Twitter, check out supportive mental health hashtags.
10. Use The Mighty’s #CheckInWithMe hashtag.
11. Be your own best advocate.

Whether it’s emotional, physical, financial, or spiritual, ask. You don’t have to dream up an elaborate excuse to justify your needs. Be specific with your ask. Life is about give and take and each of use will give and reciprocate at one point or another.

CHALLENGE: Don’t try to go it alone. Life is challenging and help is just an ask away. Be willing to embrace love and support as you would give the same. Share with another person to create a strong and encouraging network.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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Fear, rational or irrational, is real. How you feel, justified or not, is important, to you so it’s worth exploring. Having fear is one thing but being controlled by fear is definitely different. Think about your fears right now. These could be fears that you were alerted to today and fears that you’ve carried around a lifetime. What kind of role do they play in your life? Fear can be exciting and fear can be paralyzing. On this show, we are going to be talking about all aspects of this natural reaction, how to harness these emotions, and how to overcome their power.

I’m going to share two of mine. Both are pretty irrational but to me, they seem uncontrollable. I HATE JUNE BUGS. I don’t like any bugs really but June bugs are particularly unpredictable. You know, you’re outside, enjoying a lovely summer evening. Bugs are out and minding their own business or so you thought. Then without any warning, BAM, one comes out of nowhere and it is buried in your hair. So buried that you become a raving lunatic trying to get it out. Can you picture it? I can and it’s making my skin crawl just thinking about it.

My Father always assured me that I am so so much bigger than that little bug and their’s no way it’s going to hurt me. And as logical as that sounds my fear is overwhelming.

Ok, now #2 might be even harder to believe. Hi, my name is Kendall and I’m afraid of balloons. "Giant fun ruiner party of one your table’s ready!" Imagine my poor kiddos faces when I told the hostess to skip the balloons at the table and there is no need suggesting picking one up as we rode home. Being trapped in a car with one was out of the question.

This might be a good time to talk about what does afraid actually mean in this instance. Of course, I’ve done the math, what could possibly go wrong. What am I actually afraid of, the pop? I’m not sure but all I know is I’m very uncomfortable being around balloons. They cause me to be distracted wondering where they are going to waff to next. I don’t like the sound of them being twisted so balloon art is out. Mylar ones are the worst because as they lose steam they are way more elusive and even follow you around.

What is the difference between fears and phobias? I found some invaluable advice in an article for helpguide.org from Melinda Smith, M.A., Robert Segal, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.

What is a phobia? Almost everyone has an irrational fear or two—of spiders, for example, or your annual dental checkup. For most people, these fears are minor. But when fears become so severe that they cause tremendous anxiety and interfere with your normal life, they’re called phobias.

A phobia is an intense fear of something that, in reality, poses little or no actual danger. Common phobias and fears include closed-in places, heights, highway driving, flying insects, snakes, and needles. However, you can develop phobias of virtually anything. While most phobias develop in childhood, they can also develop in later life.

Understanding your phobia is the first step to overcoming it. It’s important to know that phobias are common. (Having a phobia doesn’t mean you’re crazy!) It also helps to know that phobias are highly treatable. No matter how out of control it feels right now, you can overcome your anxiety and fear and start living the life you want.

Self-help strategies and therapy can both be effective at treating a phobia. What’s best for you depends on factors such as the severity of your phobia, your access to professional therapy, and the amount of support you need.

As a general rule, self-help is always worth a try. The more you can do for yourself, the more in control you’ll feel—which goes a long way when it comes to phobias and fears.

We dig into:

Tip 1: Face your fears, one step at a time Tip 2: Learn to calm down quickly Tip 3: Challenge negative thoughts about your phobia

What about fears that are situational, temporary, or suggested. Words are powerful and marketers learned long ago, the power of suggestion well ….is powerful! On this show, we look at the power of the media to influence and elicit fear.

In an age of information overload, is everything you hear, see, or read, good for you? Could too much information be damaging the way we perceive the world and our place in it? How can you safely glean what you need to stay informed while creating a healthy boundary to protect yourself from the rest?

Is it healthy to hear the good but mostly the bad and ugly 24 hours a day? I found a very interesting article for psychology today called If It Bleeds, It Leads Understanding Fear-Based Media by Deborah Serani Psy.D

News is a money-making industry. One that doesn't always make the goal to report the facts accurately. Gone are the days of tuning in to be informed straightforwardly about local and national issues. In truth, watching the news can be a psychologically risky pursuit, which could undermine your mental and physical health.

News programming uses a hierarchy of if it bleeds, it leads. Fear-based news programming has two aims. The first is to grab the viewer's attention. In the news media, this is called the teaser. The second aim is to persuade the viewer that the solution for reducing the identified fear will be in the news story. If a teaser asks, "What's in your tap water that YOU need to know about?" a viewer will likely tune in to get the up-to-date information to ensure safety.

It's been said that fear-based media has become a staple of popular culture. The distressing fall-out from this trend is that children and adults who are exposed to media are more likely than others to

• Feel that their neighborhoods and communities are unsafe
• Believe that crime rates are rising
• Overestimate their odds of becoming a victim
• Consider the world to be a dangerous place

Releasing fear is not as easy as deciding this is the last day you’re going to be afraid. It’s a great declaration and one that needs to be made, but that’s just the start. Next, you have to be willing to face the fear, challenge it, try to adopt new coping strategies, and stay consistent. You have to want freedom more than you want to be afraid.

SHARE THIS SHOW with a friend show who needs to hear that their fears are real and there is hope to overcome them.

CHALLENGE: Evaluate each fear to uncover the source. Don’t accept defeat but realize you can assert your authority and make real changes in your life. You deserve peace, freedom, and all the power that is available to you.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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Are you tired of feeling like you’re never good enough? Let’s not beat around the bush here, keeping up with the Jones is exhausting not to mention, completely unfulfilling. Just when you feel like you’ve arrived, you find out that where you are is only halfway there. You are NEVER there! How can you relax and enjoy life when you always feel like you’re behind, trying to get somewhere; anywhere? Well, you can’t. And you can’t run fast enough to catch up with the Jones and if you did catch them you would find out they are trying to catch the Smiths and they aren’t happy either. Ready to celebrate now, dream about later, and plan for tomorrow?

I guess I should explain the title of this show. Who needs jelly when you have, jam? This started as a literal question and then inspired a more metaphorical idea. I was making a PBJ, yep it came to me that literally. I love jam but in the past, Matt has bought jelly. I’m not a fan. It’s too gelatinous and doesn’t spread at all. It’s weak and just leaves lumps all over your bread. I’ve recently discovered whipped peanut butter which could be a topic in and of itself but it would be a shame to plop some grape jelly on top of smooth peanutty goodness. Now jam, that’s my jam! It’s full of fruit, spreads like a dream, and is packed with flavor. So while constructing my sandwich, I said out loud, “who needs jelly when you have jam?”

I’m serious. Was jam not delicious enough for the kings and queens that they requested a more subpar version? I did a little research, well let’s just say, a little more than I should have ever done. Jam dates back to the crusades and jelly, made from fruit juice, sugar, and gelatin came much later and was heavily consumed by the military during the war.

At any rate, the metaphorical entry into this conundrum is this; why wasn’t jam good enough? Rich and pure, a sweet way to deliver fruit, why mess with a good thing? When will we be happy with who we are? When will we be able to say we are good enough just like we are without the pressure to reinvent?

Self-acceptance is a tough but important subject and a critical part of our journey to self-discovery. When we talk about accepting ourselves just the way we are, we’re not talking about dismissing growth and evolution. We are talking about loving yourself today without the…..yeah but notion. Yeah, I love myself….but.

You could choke on the sheer volume of inspirational memes flooding our social feeds telling us to Love thyself, #selflove, You are beautiful just the way you, keep calm and carry on. Don’t get me wrong, those are lovely sentiments, but do you believe them? What do you tell yourself when no one is listening? When you get up in the morning and are getting ready for the day, what internal dialogue is playing out in your head?

We can fake it with false personas showing the world we have it all together. Strong, confident, driven, and full of life but when we are alone, do we buy into something much different.

We’ve all heard the term, fake it until you make it. But let’s push back; when do you make it? What constitutes, making it? Instead, you get so comfortable with faking it that you forget to make it. This just becomes another false persona. Underneath you are just as insecure as yesterday.

Maybe the Jones are faking it and don’t even get me started about the Smiths!

I spent the better part of my 20’s, 30’s, and even 40’s trying to get somewhere. I invested all my energy in to climbing the career ladder and raising children. When I look back to find me, the real me, in all of it, I’m hard to locate. Of course, I wouldn’t trade it for the world, and a healthy balance of family, work, and self-care at age 30 might be the unicorn of all requests.

There is a good reason you don’t figure it all out until you are older. If you did you might have taken a much easier path. The challenge was in figuring it all out. Now it’s time to shift your focus, unpack some of the pressure, and find the real you. Open the door and let yourself be exposed to new ideas, challenges, and freedom.

Being happy with who you are is different than being content with where you are. I love to set goals and brainstorm creative new ideas. Do I have to have something to shoot for to…..be happy? Could I be content just being where I am today?

Never stop learning and growing, it’s a part of the necessary evolution for your journey. But instead of looking at what someone has that you don’t, look at them. We can learn so much from each other if we take the time to listen. Get past pleasantries and for goodness sake, don’t talk about the weather. Unless you are both farmers or concerned about an outdoor event you both will be attending, avoid this stale, and overused conversation starter. Now, if you want to find gratitude and start the ball rolling, appreciating the blessing of a beautiful season then by all means!

But spend some time talking and catching up with old friends, exploring what makes them who they are, and finding opportunities to meet new people. So many of us feel alone in our pain or experiences but you would be surprised who can empathize and even sympathize with what you’re growing through.

Your life is far too valuable to waste chasing material possessions. Find joy today by choosing to pursue “better,” rather than “more.” Treasure your relationships, not your possessions. Your connections will be your most valued treasures. Your jam! Stop searching for the jelly and overlook what or who is right in front of you.

CHALLENGE: Don’t waste a second feeling behind or overshadowed. You have everything you need and it’s enough. Pursue happiness through contentment and your relationships with others. Treasure your uniqueness, it’s your jam!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Resources: Ash Rao for thriveglobal.com Leo Babauta writes about the Incredible Power of Contentment for zenhabits.com Barsha Nag Bhowmick for Times of India

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Can you say, overwhelmed? How could you possibly make sense of all the information, directions, advice, restrictions, opinions, ideas, research, statistics, and more? It’s impossible. Oh and wait, you had your own before you heard anything else. Being in this chaotic state might encourage you to shut down as you try and process it all or to be defensive, as you shelter and protect your own ideas. Well, relax, it’s not an all or nothing situation. Life is evolving and you are evolving too. Maybe not at the same rate but there is always room to grow and expand your ideas. Now, what stays and what goes?

You might be settling in with some decaf or an adult beverage, propping up your feet, pen, and paper in hand OR you could be in the car looking for positive alternatives to get from point A to point B. At any rate, we will be breaking it up with three musical breaks. I’ll play something fun and meaningful but the idea is to get some space to let a little of this soak in and cause you to generate your own questions.

Let’s first find the source of the chaos. It doesn’t take a genius or an extensive study to uncover the fact that today, everyone has a platform. Before 24hour news coverage, the internet, and social media, people shared ideas with their family, coworkers, and close friends. It was more of the telephone game which had it’s own pitfalls altogether but now, you can inform the masses of how you feel on any subject under the sun at any time. And it’s not just you, it’s everyone. Information overload! At the same time, our brains are revolting saying - ENOUGH. I’m not reading all that so instead I will scan.

Hey hey brain, the marketers beat you to it. Add sensational headlines, breaks in the text, different font, color, and size, embedded videos, and jumping ads. They are working to get your attention and leave an impression one way or another. No wonder burying your head in the sand is still a popular option.

But if you can sort through all the hullabaloo to find what fits for you, you might have a chance to shift your perspective in a healthy way.

What happens when all the information just causes you to feel worse. Worry, anxiety, fear, anger, and helplessness. Your positive energy replaced by the negative energy you absorb. Some of us can’t practice; I’m rubber and you’re glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.

It’s important, to be honest with yourself to develop a healthy boundary and strategy that works for you. Finding gratitude first thing and keeping it throughout your day is paramount in a healthy lifestyle. There are those who haven’t uncovered this secret yet and will test you daily with their negativity.

Choose wisely, what you participate in. Ask for permission to share, not by raising your hand but by noticing the other person and where they are. This models the behavior you expect in return. Now, it’s slow going. Our culture has become accustomed to oversharing so you might have to be patient.

Start a conversation with a positive statement and avoid the feeling to, “me too”. This means to allow someone to share a story and then move on without your input. It isn’t always necessary or productive to share your relatable event as a way to connect. While you’re at it, restraint is a wonderful virtue. It’s ok for someone to share their opinion without opposition. Listening to someone is not agreeing with their position, it’s just listening. Allow them to speak their mind, when you’re willing, and then move on. A conversation at the water cooler or even on social media is not the place for an educational moment.

What could you glean from this avalanche of information? What stays?

Adopting new ideas and gaining a new perspective is all apart of your new vantage point. Let’s crawl back up there and look at the mouse maze that is information overload. From this height, you can see the pitfalls (mouse traps if you will) that lie and wait for you at every corner. You have the power to share, learn, and grow while creating healthy boundaries to avoid these danger zones.

It starts with knowing yourself. What’s important to you? Not protecting an idea or belief that was handed to you to guard but really exploring your own feelings and eventually, taking your own path.

Without a strong core belief, it’s easy to get pulled into the majority mash-pit and before you know it, you’re being transported to the stage on the hands of others.

Trust yourself. Sit with your own ideas in a quiet space and believe in your intuition. Don’t feel right? Instead of ignoring those feelings, explore them. Doing your own research starts with asking questions and challenging beliefs. Talk to people you trust, read articles from reputable sources, then be still, and listen to your heart.

I’ve been in sales my whole life. Polite persistence using the power of persuasion. Even though I’ve had a very successful career there is always room for improvement. Do you think you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? You’re wrong. Do you believe you can’t change the fabric of who you are and your core believes? You’re right. So as always, let’s find a healthy balance.

I love going to sales conferences. The energy and enthusiasm are contagious and you leave feeling that Rocky moment of being on top of the stairs in Philly pumping both hands in the air. Bring on Monday! Now, for a sales veteran, I might say “eh, I’ve heard it all before. No reason to fix what isn’t broken”. This means I shut down and just enjoy the snacks and comradery.

But you can always learn something new so keep your eyes peeled and your ears open. Send new information through your filter. Ah-ha, that’s very interesting. How does that apply to what I already understand? Could this enhance my perspective and give me some additional tools on my journey? What steps will I take to adopt and practice this new idea?

The idea is, not everything should or will be absorbed. But you should be open to the possibilities of picking up something new that could enrich your outlook, inform you ideas, and assist you in challenges ahead.

Hopefully, you found a few nuggets to help you get through the chaos, know what to unpack, and what to send packing. Every day it’s a constant stream of information, ideas, and opinions and if that isn’t enough, everyone is sharing their own as well. Taking what you can use to enhance your own, avoiding the negativity sess pool, and letting go of what doesn’t serve you is a healthier alternative to burying your head in the sand but even that, has its place.

If you want to share Encouragementology with a friend who needs to know they are not alone in this journey of self-discovery, you can visit encouragementology.com or anywhere you stream your content to receive this episode and all others. Follow us on Facebook for additional encouragement throughout the week!

CHALLENGE: take what you want and need, release what you don’t, and know you are in charge of the process. You have the power and the intuition to sort through and be selective. Find your gratitude and fight to keep it for a healthy protectant to get through the chaos.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Resources: Dr. Judith Orloff Laura Shin writes about the thoughts of Daniel Levitin Karen Young for Hey Sigmund

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Let me start out by saying, there is no hidden agenda here. No one is telling you to defy authority or ignore the ideas and opinions of others. Encouragementology is about the road to self-discovery, healing yourself, and helping others. When you find your place in the world and your voice, you can encourage and make a measurable impact. You have a lot to say, and feel, and do. Staying in touch with who you are and what’s important to you is paramount in leading a satisfying life. Dare I say happy? Yes, you deserve happiness no matter what. Happiness doesn’t happen when you put our head in the sand and turn a blind eye but it does happen when you listen to your heart as a guide.

I don’t need to reiterate the fact that we are living in some unforeseen times. It’s impossible to get informed without getting influenced; feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. You can’t turn around without statistics, updated totals, aggravated news headlines, and angry opinions being shoved in your face. For many, they’ve made the choice to unplug and go on a Facebook diet but it’s still the topic of every conversation. It’s hard to escape and you feel guilty for wanting to.

There seems to be an overwhelming need to do something, anything but the problems that exist seem too big and overwhelming themselves. We’re at an impasse and for many, a standstill. Worry, anger, despair, frustration consume us and we feel too small and insignificant to do anything. But if you don’t do something positive then that’s as good as doing something negative; and the pressure keeps mounting.

How do you feel? What is important to you? What are you afraid of? Don’t think about the surface level answer but dive down deeper. Ultimately, what are you afraid of?

So much of what we think and feel on the surface is about acceptance. That’s completely normal. Everyone wants to be liked and accepted. You might be at a new job trying to fit in, part of a new family, attending a new school, or settling into a new community. Before you stake your claim and put up your flag it’s normal to sit back and observe the culture to see what’s important to everyone else.

It’s even normal to start adopting the practices and beliefs as a part of belonging. Let’s say you move to a rural area where hunting is a normal part of life, or you are adopting a new culture in a different part of the world. It’s important to get out of your comfort zone and share, learn and grow.

But when you lose your ability to listen to your heart as a way to please others, it’s time to right the course on your journey to self-discovery.

We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a brighter day so let’s start giving. I’ve been a little obsessed with this song lately. At first, the words came to me and I thought it was important to listen to them as a reminder that we do have the power to make a change, and then watching the video again transported me back to a simpler time in my life. At that moment, it provided some much-needed comfort.

Let’s climb up to our higher vantage point for a minute. Sometimes it’s critical to get an aerial view of the challenges we are facing to find a different perspective. Information and opinion overload is like being blindfolded, spun around, and handed a bat. We can just start hacking away in frustration and because we feel like it’s our only option.

You have POWER! Never forget that. You can lead a march AND you can help the person next to you. The one who’s problems might have been overshadowed with the state of the world but still so very important to them. Reaching out and letting some know you see them and you hear them can make all the difference.

It’s important that we don’t get lost in the shuffle when our voices can’t be heard over the crowd. You are important and you matter. You have an opportunity to listen to your heart and those you encounter. Connect, understand, and encourage.

A practice within Encouragementology is; Here’s Your CUE. It stands for Connect, Understand, and Encourage. You might have heard me reference more than once. I gave it an acronym to help it stick and make it tangible. It’s simply a reminder of something so obvious it bears repeating.

Step outside of yourself and your own issues and connect with someone. Notice the world around you and try and empathize with another human being. It could be an elderly person who needs a kind face and an ear to talk to. It could be a single mother struggling to make it all work and keep her sanity. It could be a divorced Father trying to navigate life and learning all by himself. It could be a youth confused and frustrated by the pressures of the world and not feeling as if they measure up.

Don’t like a post or leave a comment. If you feel that’s the only way to break the ice, send a message but be prepared to do more. We need human connection and even in a time when it may seem impossible, go out of your way to reach out.

Next is understanding. Be willing to listen without judgment or advice. Just be there for someone. Open your mind and most importantly, your heart. True connections are made, heart to heart. Active listening takes practice and discipline. Listening without creating your own story in your mind or shifting the focus to problem-solving. Just listen to the story and ideas as they unfold.

When it’s appropriate, offer words of encouragement. I say appropriate because it’s natural to want to solve someone’s problems and rush to get them over a hump. Words of encouragement can come off as a battle cry and rallying for the finish line if delivered too early. People need a chance to talk through the challenge and formulate a solution when they feel ready.

Then simply, letting someone know you heard them and you believe in them can make all the difference. I know YOU can do it! Breathing these types of sentiments into the wings of someone grounded may be all it takes to give flight. I know YOU can do it!

You might be thinking, yeah yeah but I always make the wrong decision. Nothing ever works out in my favor. I’m always on the losing end. Blanket statements using generalizations mean you miss the details. The ones that spell out the time you won. The time you hit the nail on the head. When the forces of nature had you in their current and life was going your way.

It’s easy to overlook the good when the bad hits hard. But take a moment right now. Close your eyes. Put your hand on your heart and take in a deep breath. Hold it. Now slowly let it out. As you exhale, let all the negative and pent up frustration leave your body. Push out all the questions left unanswered and the wrongs that can’t be made right. Drain your body of anger and despair.

Now, sit quietly with this empty feeling. This peaceful, easy feeling. Before you take in a big breath, sucking in all the stress, anxiety, and weight of the world, be mindful. You own your body and your mind and you choose what goes in it. It’s ok to take a day off and back away from the chaos to regain your barrings. You need a moment to reconnect with yourself and your own feelings and to listen to your heart.

Each day, you choose. Begin your day reminding yourself of who is in charge. As your morning begins and you start absorbing all that is around you, pick your path. Avoid toxic conversations, pass up the chance to validate someone else’s opinion, and don’t forget, negative media is a choice. Unplug and turn off.

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s empowering.

If you want to share Encouragementology with a friend who needs to know they are not alone in this journey of self-discovery, you can visit encouragementology.com or anywhere you stream your content to receive this episode and all others. Follow us on Facebook for additional encouragement throughout the week!

CHALLENGE: Turn down the chaos and turn up the volume on your inner voice. Your thoughts, ideas, and opinions matter. Instead of persuading someone else, convince yourself. Listen to your heart and let it guide your day.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Resources: Philippe Isler Follow Your Heart, Not Your Fear The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence by Tim David

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It’s time to move on! No more shoulda, coulda, woulda's. Do you want something new, different, better? It starts with you, believing in yourself and transporting your thought process to a new dimension. Yep, I’m talking about dreaming. It’s where all great ideas start. This time, imagine yourself in the center of it all having exactly what you envision. Where are you? What are you up to? It’s fun to escape reality and the pressures of the day and wake up in a wonderful dream. SNAP, ok next step is to develop a plan, solid yet flexible. Every good journey starts with a roadmap and provisions. Then comes the fun part and sometimes frustrating part, the execution. Having a hard time getting your engine started? It’s ok, you aren’t alone but set it on cruise as we walk through these steps and more!

If you could unhinge yourself from where you are today, get plucked out and plopped into another place, time, situation, career - where would that be and what would you be doing? I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve been asked to dream or the first time you’ve caught yourself thinking of something or somewhere else.

Dreams come in all shapes and sizes and vary in degrees. You might imagine selling it all and moving to the Caribbean or just an easy change to your weekly schedule. No one is judging your dream and the rate in which your mind travels. Just open it up to the possibilities and let go. Sometimes our dreams are limitless like we rubbed the lamp and are presented with just three wishes. Remember doing this as a kid? It never failed, one of your friends would ask for something dumb and everyone would be quick to let them know they just ruin one wish. They would egg them on - bigger, bigger, bigger. Don’t just ask for a million dollars, as for all the money in the world. Why did you ask for a bicycle? You’ll probably get one for your birthday, you just wasted a wish!

Some dreams are just on the other side of a challenge or obstacle standing in your way. They represent freedom if you could just get to the other side. It’s all part of the process and borders the wall of the plan. It’s natural for your mind to shift to problem-solving in the plan once you’ve landed on a dream you want to execute.

So like you would tell the young you with 3-wishes, go bigger! Let’s talk, big-picture vision right now.

It’s important to paint a visual picture of what you have in your mind. Consider putting together a storyboard either cutting up magazines, drawing pictures, creating inspirational messages or changing your desktop background, and starting a new Pinterest board. Whatever will put your dreams in front of you on a daily basis. There is power in visualization and writing it down.

Matt and I are very goal-driven and several years ago we started a new tradition. Every year at the end of the year, we list all the things we accomplished that year. Not a blow by blow, just big picture. It’s always a surprise and a great way to get an aerial view of gratitude. It’s so easy to forget all that you’ve done when you are still plowing through the list. Take a moment to reflect and celebrate.

Next, create your list for next year. Even though this is our year-end tradition, you can do it at any time. Why not tomorrow? Make a list of all the things you want to get done. We have a journal to log these lists so we keep it all together and have a great place to visit and reminisce.

Have you ever been told, “you can do anything you want”? Well, you can’t. Not to burst your balloon in the midst of your dream but we are moving on to the planning phase and it’s time to get realistic. That doesn’t mean you can’t try and push yourself but you might have to be flexible enough to modify your dream to match your capabilities.

Ex: you’ve always wanted to be an astronaut and at age 50 you finally decide to add that to your vision board. Well, you might never make it to the moon but that doesn’t mean you have to give up your dream of astronomy and travel. How else might you fulfill this passion?

It’s important to dream big without limits so that you can stretch your mind and explore all the possibilities. But a plan is a road map and it takes a vision from a daydream to a reality.

You might have logical limitations, physical limitations, or just obstacles and weaknesses. Let’s focus on the things in your control that might be holding you back.

Let’s start with the first dream on our list. What is preventing you from achieving this? Put them all into the following buckets:

• Logistics - is it just not possible in its current state? Could you envision a modification that would still address your passion but be better align with your capabilities? If yes, set aside some time to dig into what it is about that dream that gets your excited.
• Resources - what would you need to pull together to move this idea from dream to reality; time, money, knowledge, proximity, etc?
• Obstacles - what stands in your way of getting to your goal? Confidence, ingenuity, time, self-doubt, priorities, etc?

This is a logical way to work through your list. They are all important and that’s why you wrote them down but a good place to start is; lowest risk and greatest reward. So let’s start with the last bucket, Obstacles, and or weaknesses.

List all the dreams that qualified for this bucket and then next to each, list what could be standing in your way.

Maybe, it’s something you’ve always wanted to do but as soon as you let yourself dream, self-doubt creeps in and you talk yourself out of it. It might be negative self-talk inspired by limiting beliefs. Somewhere, someone told you that you can’t. You don’t possess the skill, talent, or natural ability to have what you want. Time could be an obstacle and a weakness. You’ve created a schedule so rigid that it doesn’t allow you to dream, explore, and try new things. Overcoming this could be as easy as realigning your priorities and letting go of things you’ve inherited but shouldn’t be responsible for.

Work through this list in that manner to gain a clearer picture of what stands in front of you. If you make it to the other side, you’ve already come farther than most people do in this process. How many times have you had a dream and immediately shot it down with the first sign of resistance? Dead in water and that’s why it still remains; a dream.

Our plan is to take it to the next phase, execution. What took years to deny only took moments and a little soul-searching to uncover.

Dream, Plan, then execute. The steps just take a little work, thoughtful strategy, and a willingness to try. Day 2 of execution takes drive. The staying power to stick it out no matter what comes your way.

You could find that on day 32, your dream might need some re-engineering or your plan might need some modification. You might even find that your execution efforts have been spotty at best. Don’t pull the plug! This is where flexibility comes into play. No need to scrap the dream and beg the genie for another turn on that lamp. Just take a moment and re-envision and revisit each step. This isn’t an all or nothing process and you deserve the added effort

CHALLENGE: Open your mind to limitless possibilities. Grab a dream that has been swirling around and design a plan that meets yet challenges your logistics, resources, and weaknesses. You deserve to see what’s over there on the other side.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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A “New Normal”, sounds exciting huh? I mean “new” signifies fresh, something we haven’t done before or had before. A new experience. But today, new normal brings with it fear and uneasiness of the unknown. Instead of excited about a new adventure we are panicked by the uncertainty. We are paralyzed to move until this new normal has been created and communicated. What will this mean for us, what will we do? Close your eyes and sit still imagining you are in a room all by yourself. It’s quiet but you can hear a hum just beyond where you are. There are many doors around the perimeter. Open your eyes….which one will you choose? It’s not a question we’ve considered because when you feel powerless, you imagine yourself without choices. You’re simply responding to what is happening and waiting….oh the waiting for something, anything, to happen. What if, you could create your own new normal? Your desired outcome? Not suggesting going rouge and or dictating what the world does next - but don’t forget, even in what feels like a powerless situation, you have power!

Sometimes bad things happen to good people. We’ve all heard that saying. It may seem like a justification for tragedies that we can’t foresee and that don’t seem fair. As if good people should have a cakewalk and bad people should be the only ones suffering. But life remains unpredictable and sometimes cruel and unjust. All you have to do is die and pay taxes - I’m sure you’ve heard that one too. So simple and stripped down to the bare minimum, but there is so much in between. You have a heart, a mind, and a gut and all of them are learning and responding in their own ways. When we shut down and sit in that room waiting for directions we give the power of our own intuition, away.

But...it is normal to react this way. We have to try and understand our normal reactions before we can take charge and reroute them in a positive way.

It’s important to understand and validate these feelings before you can pack them away and adopt new more empowering ones. So many times we are urged to move through emotions at a rapid rate - “Just get over it already”. “You can’t do anything about it so just move on”. And where there is some truth there, pushing someone through a series of emotions just because you don’t empathize or understand them is the wrong move. Just like the 7 stages of grief, it’s a process and whether it takes you 10 minutes or 10 months you must move through them.

What can help is to continually put things in perspective and trust yourself. You are a smart, sensitive, thoughtful, and rational person. You have the power to sort through information, gain a higher perspective, run it through your internal committee (heart, mind, and gut), and then make a decision that serves your the best.

Everyone is individually going through this at their own pace and in their own time so empathy, patience, and understanding are key. Your opinions are just that, your opinions. They may not be agreeable to all those you encounter. Your internal committee (heart, mind, & gut) may see things differently than even your own partner. We are all individuals and wired uniquely and that’s what makes us special. It’s important to remember, fear is real even with it seems irrational. It’s there, causing our mind and even our body to paralyze. Find compassion for those who see things differently. Muster patience for those who differ from your understanding. Give encouragement to those who need to feel they aren’t in this alone.

Even though we are in the midst of something unprecedented in our lifetime, coping, overcoming, and moving on are timeless. Tragedy hits hard, separates, confuses, and frustrates leaving its victims in a state of shock and despair but the hope is today. Not tomorrow but today. You have the power to heal and push forward.

So what does your new normal look like? If the restrictions were fully lifted today, what would you do differently? Take this time to collect your learnings and create your own new normal.

I have realized that during this time apart, it is apparent that my life revolves around and is nurtured by other people. I need people. People need people! Through technology, we’ve found a new way to stay connected that I might carry into my new world. I’ve worked remotely for years so video conferencing isn’t a new concept to me but I have never used it to connect my family members living in different parts of the country. What a treat to have everyone hear updates and see expressions across the family. Before it was the old telephone game, “hey did you hear from so and so, yeah I think that’s what she said….” I’m going to make family zoom calls an ongoing practice to stay connected when life prevents us from being together.

Since most of my outreach that required me to be in person was shut down, I found myself with a lot of extra time to focus on other enriching activities. Some of which I had always wanted to do but never tried. My new normal doesn’t have phrases like “I’ve always wanted to do that….but” Now I’m going to do “that”. Life is short and unpredictable and I don’t want to have such a rigid routine that I miss out on my heat’s desires. I’ve always said, maybe you can’t go to Bora Bora tomorrow but if you want to go - you can! Start making plans today. How much will it cost you, how much is that divided out monthly, how much can you afford to put away, Ok now, how long will it take you to get there?

Family time is important and easy to take for granted. For me, I’m empty nested so during isolation, my family time has been seriously compromised. Before the shutdown, I was busy running from job to job, appointment to appointment, and my family time was, seriously compromised. In my new normal, family time is cherished. I want to make standing family dinners a real thing. I long for enthusiasm, laughter, and over-talking each other. The feeling of home where everyone is comfortable, safe, and together.

What will be your takeaways? How will they impact how you prioritize moving forward?

Do you want proof that life is good and change is happening? Get outside and watch this beautiful Spring unfold into summer and enjoy the fact you are here witnessing it all. There is no rush to solve the world’s problems or even clearly define your “new normal” today. Instead, take a moment and appreciate where you are right now!

CHALLENGE: harness your power, forge your own path, and create your new normal. You are brilliant and resilient. Instead of leaving this tragedy scathed, you are empowered to take charge of what’s next.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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How much of your worth is measured on what you do and what you think you are instead of WHO you are? Let’s not beat around the bush and just get right into it. Who are you, who do you aspire to be, and who do you want to see YOU? It’s important to separate accomplishments and accolades, trials and failures, to find the real you. Your core. The you that’s inherent even when the world has tried to shape and mold you to fit their whims. Let’s focus on finding you, the who vs the what.

So what do you see when you look in the mirror? Right now I see someone in desperate need of a haircut, color, & facial. And if I’m not required to actually look decent in a reasonably short amount of time, I’m going to forget how. But I also see someone who is human. Someone who is resilient, patient, positive, enthusiastic, passionate, driven, dedicated….but human. Someone who has been challenged and as a result hasn’t always been kind to herself. Someone who looks to solve and fix the world’s problems but someone who is human.

It’s ok to be human. It’s ok to have days you don’t feel proud or moments you wish you could forget. But it isn’t ok to bury the real you under the need to please others and become someone you aren’t because you were told, you aren’t ok the way you are. It isn’t ok to measure your worth on what you could or could not accomplish. This is your one beautiful life and if you don’t see it that way then let’s see what or who is standing in your way and blocking your vantage point.

I’m not saying it’s easy. The road to self-discovery is windy, long, at times bumpy, but in the straightways, so worth it! Societal perceived pressures are not making it any easier, that’s for sure. Accomplishments, wealth, beauty, success, and fame are not only all around us, but plated up and in our face on a daily….nay, hourly basis. It’s so easy not to feel like you measure up and as a result, focus on the what.

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a movie star. Not an actress but a movie star. To me, this represented glamour, lights, cameras, fame. If you asked me I would say I wear a long sparkling red gown and I used to kiss my parents goodnight twisting my head back and forth, like a true Hollywood style kiss.

As soon as I was able I was trying out for plays or hosting my own. Thank goodness I didn’t have youtube during my formative years. I’ve always had the gift of gab so I guess sales, was a natural step when the talent agents weren’t all fighting to sign me. I love presenting information and the art of negotiation. I’m extroverted and have been told more than once, politely persistent. I’ve been successful on my chosen career path but….that’s not WHO I am, that’s what I do.

Professionally, I’m direct, aggressive, and will go to the mat defending my point of view but personally, I’m more agreeable, kind, flexible, and compassionate. I will always be outspoken but I don’t always share my feelings. Instead, I worry about how others feel and work to make sure everyone is comfortable and well-loved.

Who am I? I would love to say a healthy mixture of both, at least that’s what I strive for. I would like the care and compassion to enter my professional life and assertiveness and strong voice to enter my personal life.

We spend so much of our time trying to get somewhere. Get through school, get through college, get a good job, get married, get the family, get the better job, get to retirement, get out and see the world…...5, 10, 15-year plans.

Now, I’m a goal setter don’t get me wrong. One of my most precious assets is my brainstorming and creativity. But I’ve learned something on this journey, too much focus on the future means you miss the present. It’s important to have something to shoot for and something to look forward to but never lose touch with where you are. There are great things happening right now, right where you are and if you only set your sights on the future, you may miss them.

Just like you are outwardly growing your personal and professional life, you are internally growing yourself. Don’t lose sight of the trifecta because they all matter.

CHALLENGE: Look in the mirror with a different focus. Instead of noticing all that is wrong, take a special interest in all that is right and worth exploring to deepen and strengthen who you were meant to be. WHO you are will always return the brightest reflection.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Resources: Maria Stenvinkel for Tiny Buddha Meg Selig for Psychology Today Noonday Ventures What If Who You’re Becoming Is More Important Than What You’re Doing?

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I’m sure this catches you as no surprise but in times like this, you’re going to have to dig deep. When negativity is all around you and emotions are high you might have to pull away from the pack and blaze a new trail. Fill your space with positive energy, whether in your house, over virtual calls, or through your social media feeds. Don’t take on the responsibility of rallying the majority. Set a new example and encourage others to follow. Right now, we are talking more about getting rather than giving. I know, strange right? But we're talking about getting over it, getting on with a new attitude, getting creative, getting out of your comfort zone, and NOT giving up!

So let’s get real, are you struggling to maintain a positive attitude in the middle of what feels like an impossible situation? Do you feel like you are in a B level rendition of the movie Groundhog Day? I get it. One of my favorite things to talk about is what I have coming up on my schedule. I was one to really pack it full. Coffee catch-ups, brainstorming sessions, support groups, dinner with friends, live music, you name it…..I love having a full and rich schedule. In comes, screaming halt and I’m lost as to what to be excited about. “Hey, what are you up to today?” oh…..yeah, same thing as yesterday.

I’m sure it’s dawned on you by now that YOU are going to have to dig deep to shake it up a bit or change your vantage point to gain a new perspective so you can carry on in a positive way.

Yep, as always, YOU are in charge of making things different. So many times we forget the control is in our power and we wait around for something new to happen TO us. Like that is going to be a magical knock on the door with the itinerary to our amazing new day. Turn the music back up, that knock is not coming. Even though there are plenty of restrictions currently in place, it’s still up to you to adjust your own schedule and attitude to make the best out of what seems like the worst.

Want some fun and creative ideas and a little different perspective? Yeah, me too. That’s why I’ve done the research for you and mixed in a little of my own MIDY - Make it Different Yourself.

Of course, before we can just step over these feelings and move on we need to explore the why so that we can understand the how.

Remember, sheltering-in-place and the challenges of a pandemic may not be the only thing you are struggling with. Life changed and in many cases, became more complicated in the middle of what you were already dealing with. Sorting out those feelings may come with a new set of instructions.

Maybe the relationship with your spouse or partner was already on shaky footing and you were negotiating more time apart vs unlimited time together. Maybe you were in the process of looking for a new career opportunity or changing jobs. Maybe you were already dealing with a health scare and trying to come to terms with a new course of treatment. Perhaps you were just getting started with what, just might have been, the most perfect relationship - absence makes the heart grow fonder? Let’s hope so!

My point is, we are all dealing with something and the layers might be plentiful. This is a good time to be aware of those around you and what they might be dealing with. For so many it’s not as simple as staying at home, getting a little time out of the office, and finally using your kitchen. So before you lash out in frustration with lack of understanding (not that any of you would do that), rise above and be open to a different perspective.

Sympathy is much easier than empathy. This is when it’s appropriate to take some time and explore the “what-ifs”. The part of someone’s story that isn’t visible on the surface and aspects they may not be comfortable sharing with the world.

Hey, don’t take anything personally and as we’ve already mentioned, people all around you are dealing with their own stuff. Some people are really capable of managing stress and acting appropriately and there are many more that aren’t. Did you ever think that they may be lashing out as a result of some challenges in their life that aren't going well? Frustration can bubble up in all facets of our lives and in our relationships with others.

Take a step back, breath, and give them the benefit. A free pass.

So many are trying to be flexible and adjust while attempting to survive and thrive. As you make adjustments for everyone in your world including, family, friends, and clients - remember, you are going through this too. You are going to have bad days where the snooze is a little to close for productivity. Forgive yourself for a few reactions instead of actions.

Need a daily pep talk to remind yourself of the importance of keeping up, figuring out, and moving forward? Yeah, I think we all do. How about a daily, call, video chat, or meme exchange with a good friend or better yet, your accountability partner. I have a morning exchange with one of mine. We love ridiculous animal videos or memes and more importantly, we love to add our own narration or justification to the content. That’s really the most fun. It’s a way to take, what could have been, a stressful start to the day, and make it joyful. Who doesn’t want to start each day with a belly laugh?

Maybe a morning podcast pick-me-up might do the trick. Can’t find the other half of that glass so early in the morning, rely on someone who wakes up that way. There are endless inspiring podcasts and 77 more episodes of this one. Use search terms to find areas of interest and then try out a few. You don’t have to follow, download, or commit to anyone. Just see what fits your mood.

Align what you do with your passion and purpose, and even the worst day isn't so bad.

Tell that to a professional Mother or Father, working from home, as they homeschool their 3 young children while trying to keep the cabinets full, the laundry basket empty, and the sanity of all parties, balanced!

I’m empathizing with your right now. For me, I’m empty nested, down to one pet who keeps me active and already working a job from home for over 6 years. Sounds like a dream huh? Well, even the best situation can be challenged when your routine is turned upside down. I’m tired of my own cooking, long to see my friends, hug my adult children, and be free to travel outside of my rural oasis.

So to get out of my own head and away from my own "woe is me" celebration, I’m going to give you some tips that I have collected over the many years of keeping your sanity while working at home.

It’s easy to think “What a gift, now I get to do my dishes, clean my house, be available for a few errands, AND get all my work done!” But adopting this idea means you have to clean your house, do your dishes, run the errands AND get your work done. Your work at home attitude needs to be Hey, I can sleep a tiny bit extra, I’m saving on gas & eating out, and IF and only IF I forget to get dressed from the waist down, it’s no big deal. Other than that, it should be business as usual. You need to get up and establish a workday routine or run the risk of overload and overwhelm.

Since you won’t be meeting coworkers at your favorite lunch spot, take this time to tidy up around the house or prep for dinner. If the time is used wisely, this could be a delightful addition to your schedule.

Set work barriers and boundaries with your family so they clearly understand the new routine.

When I’m at my desk I am working.

• Just because I’m on the internet does not mean I’m surfing and have time to watch a cool video you found.
• Regardless of the proximity of my desk to the kitchen, I can not make you a snack. A phone call and a zoom meeting are the same thing but one of them could catch you in your underwear in the background.
• Anytime you hear me talking or listening intently, so unless you’re bleeding or on fire, don’t interrupt.
• I need bandwidth to do my job so a company meeting might, no will trump the next level of your game.

If you don’t have a home office that is a designated space, get creative, and make one. Partition it off as much as you can, try creating a screen for a room divider. Create notes that you can post on the perimeter to communicate what you are doing and what you need.

Most importantly, breathe and realize this too shall pass. Everyone is going through this one way or another so I’m sure you have a coworker who is struggling to keep it together on their end too. Feel free to share these tips with your team.

CHALLENGE: Instead of burying your head in the sand to weather the storm, challenge it head-on with the power you possess. The power to react with control, to adjust with creativity, and to thrive with ingenuity.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

RESOURCES: Joseph Wilner for You have a Calling Art Markman for Fast Company. LOLLY DASKAL, PRESIDENT AND CEO, LEAD FROM WITHIN Victoria Joanna Bailey for Best Health Magazine

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In this crazy time when we are determining what is essential and what isn’t it dawned on me. HEY - YOU are essential too! And now more than ever, you need to know that, embrace that concept, and find a healthy balance of taking care of everything, everyone, and yourself. Sounds impossible, right? I get it. Even though it would seem like things have slowed down and there is less to do, emotions are high and the stress and anxiety cocktails are flowing. How can you compartmentalize the tasks while separating the feelings so that you can handle it all with grace and balance? Yeah, I don’t know either but I’m going to help you figure it out.

Did you forget about you? It’s ok, to be honest, and admit it, it’s easy to do. When we are faced with challenges beyond measure it’s natural to move swiftly into problem-solving mode. Well, of course, there is the mini-meltdown and whoa is me pity party of one but THEN it’s problem-solving. What can I do to get through the day with the least amount of damage and lasting scars? But when the challenge is widespread and everyone in your immediate circle is feeling the pressure it’s natural to try and take on the world and lose yourself in the process.

Not only is it about logistics, food, laundry, income, homework, toilet-paper….it’s about emotions. Feeling down, frustrated, overwhelmed, scared, depressed, angry. When you try and manage these feelings for everyone you are concerned for, your resources will become depleted with nothing to nurture yourself.

But you’re the rock, right? The only one who plans, organizes, knows what’s going inside and outside the home, the only who can find anything or fix anything. At least, that’s what you’ve told yourself and conditioned those in your household to believe. How could they possibly manage without you?!? Well, we’ll get to that. With that kind of pressure you’ve put on yourself, how could you find time to take care of your own fears and feelings?

I think the first thing we need to do is to re-engineer the way you see your role. You can gain some much-needed freedom just by getting a different vantage point. That’s really all it is. Back up and look at the bigger picture. I say it all the time but when you are too tactical you can’t be strategic. Since I’m a visual learner let’s paint a picture that might help illustrate this better. Imagine digging a ditch. You are in there head down just digging away. At some point, if you don’t step out and set your sights on the horizon, where do you think you would be? Imagine the line that ditch would take. Another one I like to use is chopping your way through a jungle unable to see what’s in front of you. You just keep pushing forward, hacking away. If you could get an aerial view, ie; the bigger picture, you might be able to save yourself a lot of time.

That’s what we are trying to do here, save us a little time and a little heartache. As with any good process, your goal is to make it more efficient, impactful, and successful. Couldn’t you do the same thing with life? Now granted, you can’t prepare and plan for everything - look where we are right now for instance. Sometimes we learn very valuable lessons through trials and tribulations. Others come from enlightenment and revelation and sometimes, it’s a golden nugget of wisdom or experience that you receive at the most perfect time.

Are you overly empathetic? Or Sympathetic? The difference between the most commonly used meanings of these two terms is: sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for the hardships that another person encounters. empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another.

I used to think I was overly empathetic and would give the example that I could never work at a prison because I would feel so bad for them. Not bad enough to slip a file into a cake or anything but just sad that they were being prevented from all the wonderful riches of life. I was worried I would take that home with me and affect my own emotional health. I genuinely care about people. Much deeper than the rhetorical all American greeting “how are you”. I do really care. As a life coach and a support group leader, I have the opportunity to listen and share with a large variety of people. The issues and concerns are wide and deep. But what I’ve learned is you can listen, understand, have compassion, even offer support but in the end, everyone is in the middle of their own journey. We can accept help and even be guided along the way but the mast majority is up to us to figure out. So it’s important to let everyone experience their life the way it was meant to unfold.

Doesn’t that provide a huge sense of relief? If you could truly adopt that idea, can you see how it removes the pressure you might have been feeling? You can be there to love and support and even offer guidance but the ultimate responsibility is not yours. You are only in charge of your life.

Does this sound familiar to you? It’s easy to justify these feelings with the stance that you just care, maybe too much, or that you are just trying to help. There is plenty of time to take care of yourself, what’s really important is everyone else’s needs.

I really thought I was doing it all and doing it all successfully. Perfectly positioned in the ditch and working my fingers to the bone to get somewhere. No clue where just burying my head and working harder. All the time trying to control, carry and fix everyone around me. Don’t get in my path with a problem or I will drop everything and try and fix it right then and there. Can you imagine what my ditch must have looked like from an aerial view? ZIG-ZAG or even around in circles.

If I could have reached that higher vantage point sooner, I could have saved myself and others so much time and heartache. Hindsight, right? Today, I’m so glad I’m there. It doesn’t mean it’s not still a knee-jerk reaction but I’m aware and that’s the first step to change.

Remember to be kind to yourself through the process and repeat the following affirmation: I respect and love myself enough to recognize when something isn’t healthy for me, and I am confident enough to set clear boundaries to protect myself.

Do you feel strong and in charge? If you’ve been practicing all that we’ve mentioned prior to the alternative, just know, there is nothing inherently wrong with you. It’s ok to care and caring too much allows for life lessons as well. So you’ve done nothing wrong here. But as always, we are trying to achieve balance for an optimal life. So digging, uncovering, exposing, treating, and practicing a new behavior is healthy and can happen at any point in your journey. We are always learning and evolving so it’s never too late to let go of behaviors that no longer serve you and adopt healthier ones. You ARE essential and YOU deserve the time and attention. Remember, this is your journey, and the way you chose to travel and what you ultimately achieve is up to you.

CHALLENGE: Realize the overwhelming feelings you are having isn’t a result of having too much to do but instead, an out-of-balance sense of responsibility. Remember your needs both physical and mental, are essential. Begin letting go and channeling your energy into healthy boundaries that will protect and guide your journey.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Show Resources: Melissa Renzi for Psych Central. Elizabeth Shuler The Science Behind Why We Absorb Others’ Emotions (and How to Deal)Alana Mbanza for Tiny Buddha. Mental Health America

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UGH, how are you dealing with YOUR frustration these days?  Letting it out, keeping it in, channeling it in a negative direction, stress eating, stress napping, or caught in a constant ying-yang struggle of gloom & doom meets, silver lining? One thing is for sure, these are stressful and uncertain times. It’s hard to be strong every day when you are navigating a storm. Even Happy-Go-Lucky types can have bad days. Frustration is a part of stress and worry and a natural emotion. Before you succumb completely, let’s explore positive alternatives to this life challenge.

Frustration: the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of the inability to change or achieve something. Nailed it! We are definitely experiencing something we can’t immediately change. Have there been other times in your life where you have been stuck in an impossible situation?  If you are remembering a specific time, how did you get through? How were you able to overcome that situation? Sometimes, we have to be reminded of the power we have. Especially in what appears to be, a powerless situation! The power to adjust, accept, navigate, modify, and overcome. You did one of those things to be able to talk about it today. 

No one WANTS to be sad, in a bad mood, angry, depressed, or frustrated. Sometimes the feelings are overwhelming and we can’t see what lies just beyond success. It seems so far away and unattainable at times why bother right? Wrong. You have the power to dig yourself out or prop yourself up. There IS a silver lining in everything you just have to get to the right vantage point to see it. 

Now, I’m a positive person who always looks for the silver lining. You know the one, sometimes you seek them out because they can help you find the good in all the bad and sometimes you run from them because they never RSVP for your pity-party for one. But still, they have the unique ability to let things go and radically make a switch to problem-solving when things get rough. Yep, that’s me. It’s the main reason I became a Life & Recovery Coach. For years friends and acquaintances would say, “don’t you ever get down?” Or “how are you able to just let things roll off your back and move on?”. The only thing I can tell you is, I don’t like to be in a bad mood. I don’t like to be sad or frustrated. I need and desperately want to be happy so as a result, I don’t stay stuck. At least not for long. 

That doesn’t mean that I don’t have bad days or that I don’t get stressed out. I do. I just don’t stay there very long. I have a moment of pause and reflect and then I move into problem-solving mode and get to work. There is always another idea you just have to be open to exploration. 

Recently I was feeling anxious and frustrated. Seeing the world suffer, being unable to fix the problem, unable to gather with the people you love, and prevented from being there for the people who need it most is feeling unfair. I had and may still have restless feels. Like an animal in a cage just pacing back and forth back and forth. Yes, happy to be alive but unable to fulfill a purpose. It has given me a lot of time to reflect and forced me to a new vantage point to see the bigger picture. 

People need people and no matter what we produce to simulate that experience, it will never replace the benefits of human to human contact, love, and support. My hope is that we all come to this conclusion and fight not to lose it in everything that we do. 

Clearly giving to others is healthy for our community and vital to our survival. Finding ways to give, support, and connect during these trying times can add to your frustration. Remember when I said, a better vantage point? It’s easy to get frustrated and feel defeated when you feel you are going this along. You are just here digging away in the ditch by yourself or machetting your way through the jungle on a solo mission but news flash. We are all facing challenges right now. You are not alone even if your proximity to another person begs to differ.

A friend of mine gave me a visual from another vantage point. Instead of thinking that we are all in the same boat dealing with exactly the same things considered, we are all in the same storm but in different boats. A crisis can impact each person differently but still, that person is impacted. Finding a new vantage point means getting above your own cause and effect and trying to empathize with the world around you. 

Everyone is looking for a diversion right about now. I’m learning the violin & Spanish and knitting a sea of scarves. I’m also getting outside and appreciating nature. What a better reminder that things are going to be ok than the changing of the seasons with a nice slow, stunning roll out. I’m also reconnecting with my thoughts. Just over a month ago, I was not only burning the candle at both ends but I had all of them on fire. I had almost all day, every day, planned out. If I wanted to fit in some “me-time” I had a few spots left or could try and move something around. 

I love to be busy and productive but is that what I was doing? I felt overwhelmed but I couldn’t let anything go. I needed to be in charge of everything on my schedule to feel good about myself and to feel like I was doing my part. 

Fast forward and it’s an intentional reminder that you can’t do it all and guess what, you shouldn’t try anyway. Life still goes on whether you are running 90-to-nothing to say ahead or you are barely keeping up. It still goes. How do you want to participate?

I’m always talking about a healthy balance. Everything in moderation even, moderation. But I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching. I was frustrated. When you get the nudge, a simple reminder, or a hammer over the head, take notice. Your body and your mind are trying to tell you something. Also, the universe and your higher power might be redirecting your trajectory but if you are so bull-headed to believe you have life figured out then, frustration is inevitable. 

Getting out of your own head and focusing on someone else might be the right type of diversion at a time like this. Let’s crawl up to a higher spot to get a better vantage of what’s going on around us. This will help us deal with our frustration in a positive way.

Remember those boats in the storm? Frustration can come from every angle and for any reason. Part of practicing empathy is to try and understand your neighbor's frustration may be the same or totally different than yours. Nevertheless, they are still frustrated. During a crisis, the point of impact can come from any direction, and in most cases, multiple ones. You might have lost your job as a result of a government shutdown but your neighbor might have lost a loved one. You might feel slided by the takeover but your neighbor is scared by the threat of something they can’t see or detect. All of those fears and frustrations are real. 

Before you judge someone based on their reaction to a crisis, try and put yourself in their shoes. Maybe use this as a connection point. Not to ridicule and belittle but to understand. Fear is real. Loss is long-lived. Frustration can be overcome. 

When we isolate we have a tendency to escalate and exaggerate our feelings. Getting worked up when you can’t make an immediate change in your circumstance and snowball the effect. 

STOP - no really, say stop to interrupt this behavior. You are in control of you. No one else knows what’s going on in your head so want a way out? Find the door.

FREEZE - take a snapshot of where you are in your stress. You need to see yourself reacting in order to change directions. Hover above to get a better picture of the mouse maze you are in. 

UNDERSTAND - peel back the stress to find the source. Remember, frustration is the reaction but what is the cause. In times like these, it may take very little for you to react so be willing to laugh at yourself.

BREATHE - not to put you into some type of yoga routine you aren’t ready for here but breathing is multi-beneficial. You get more oxygen to your brain but most importantly, it gives you space to react appropriately. 

SOLVE - try to solve your situation instead of adding fuel to the fire. “Pity party for 1”. It’s easy to stew the pot by continuing the rumination but where is the productivity in that? Instead - what can you do now to move on. This may be as simple as changing tasks or moving to another room. You might just need to table it for a better and more accepting time of the day; square peg in round hole kind of thing. 

FORGIVE - It’s ok to get frustrated. You are human. Forgive yourself for the mini-meltdown and try and learn something. Maybe a trigger point like balancing the checkbook before the coffee is a no no or trying to make an elaborate family dinner on a little sleep is a disaster. Just know your threshold and right now, until you can work through this hump on your journey, avoid it. 

You have the power to calm, redirect, and learn. When strengthened, a valuable tool you will use often on the road to self-discovery.

CHALLENGE: Take this time to reflect on your true feelings. Frustration is just a symptom of the inability for immediate change. Redirect to connect and empathize with others to gain a valuable vantage point.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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I read this quote the other day and it really struck a chord; “The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.”-Barbara Kingsolver. We definitely need to explore this topic because I would wager that a lot of what we do was inspired, instilled, or insisted upon by others or what we believe society expects from us. But what do we hope for? How much time have you spent trying to figure that out? It’s easy to get on the escalator of life and just follow it to where it leads. Sometimes it's going up, sometimes it’s going down, and sometimes it's just a straight shot faster than what it would be if left to our own pace. Let’s step off and take a breather to explore the idea “all that we hope for”, shall we?

So after reading Barbara’s quote, I thought, who is Barbara? I mean, I love inspirational messages and never really think about the source. Was it something that just popped into her head or is she walking the walk. I think that’s important and a barometer that I use. I don’t ever want my encouragement and the messages I put out to become a bunch of taco salad. Let me explain this reference that I use frequently for fodder, unmeaningful content. If I read or write marketing messaging and it’s full of a bunch of buzz words, keywords, and SEO strategies I call it taco salad. You know when you go to an American Mexican restaurant you can order beef, lettuce, beans, cheese, and pico in about anyway on any vehicle. That’s why I call it Taco Salad - it's just a different order to the same meaningless buzzwords.

Ok, so who is Barbara and what’s she slinging? Barbara Kingsolver was born in 1955 and grew up in rural Kentucky. She earned degrees in biology from DePauw University and the University of Arizona and has worked as a freelance writer and author since 1985. At various times in her adult life she has lived in England, France, and the Canary Islands, and has worked in Europe, Africa, Asia, Mexico, and South America. She spent two decades in Tucson, Arizona, before moving to southwestern Virginia where she currently resides.

Her books have been translated into more than two dozen languages, and have been adopted into the core literature curriculum in high schools and colleges throughout the nation. She has contributed to more than fifty literary anthologies, and her reviews and articles have appeared in most major U.S. newspapers and magazines. Kingsolver was named one of the most important writers of the 20th Century. In 2000 she received the National Humanities Medal, our country’s highest honor for service through the arts.

She has two daughters. Her husband teaches environmental studies. Since June 2004, Barbara and her family have lived on a farm in southern Appalachia, where they raise an extensive vegetable garden and Icelandic sheep. Barbara believes her best work is accomplished through writing and being an active citizen of her own community. She is grateful for the goodwill and support of her readers.

I would say, it’s safe to assume, Barbara is living the life she had hoped for. Even without all the accolades or illustrious career, can you say you are living the life you had hoped for? I guess the place to start is, what did you or do you hope for? If you aren’t on that path, why? How can you take back the roadmap to your destiny and start heading in the right direction? Sound like a plan?

Encouragementology is the practice of instilling hope. I discovered the power of encouragement several years ago during a workshop I led for women. That ah-ha moment changed everything for me. It helped me understand the importance of emotional giving and how that can out reach physical giving. We all need to hear that someone believes in us even before we can believe in ourselves. You aren’t born without insecurities and high self-esteem out of the crib. Those things are developed and nurtured in you as you grow. I developed Encouragementology as a practice so that other people could implement this idea and make an intentional effort to reach out, connect, understand, and encourage the people they encounter.

This is where our hope and instilling hope in other intersects. It’s a give-get world. You get by giving and by giving you get.

An article on livingyourbestlife.com introduces us to the road of your best life. On this path, it’s okay to want. It’s natural to dream and wish. We are powerful creators, and learning to harness that power is part of creating a life worth living.

Many of us have visions of a better tomorrow. These visions consist of various futures, where we will exercise more, or find a career that we actually love, make more money, have more free time, and so forth . . . If you are reading this it is because you want more, and you suspect you are capable of more. You have hopes and dreams and you are just about ready to create the life you want.

On a deeper level, pursuing our dreams also means finding purpose and meaning in life. And it’s not always clear what that is. If life feels like a grind, that is an indication that something is missing. The haunting feeling of wanting more is trying to tell us something important.

Part of the journey is to uncover what really interests us and makes us feel alive. Self-inquiry is one of several powerful methods for discovering what we really want in our lives. And it’s not for the faint of heart. Discovering what we want in life also means facing what we don’t want, and that process can be turbulent. But learning to live with authenticity leads to rewards that often surpass our expectations. Even simple everyday life can feel amazing when we are living with purpose.

What does it mean to live my best life? It means living up to my potential. Living up to my potential means doing “the things I hope to do someday” now instead of putting them off for some magical time in the future. Life is temporary, and I don’t want to wait to feel fulfilled.

Living my dream life also means that as soon as I am living up to my potential, I continue to set the bar even higher. It’s not a one-time quick fix. It is a commitment to myself and what really matters to me. Authentic living means I am always asking myself what is working and what is not, and acting accordingly.

Creating the life I want requires a commitment to personal growth. I must be willing to change, to grow, and to do what it takes to live my best life.

Living my best life also means living a balanced life. Balance is a key part of healthy living. By managing time and energy wisely, I nurture all aspects of myself, my body, my mind, and my spirit.

So what does it take to live my best life?

Strength. Being my best self often means doing things that are difficult and challenging. It is much easier to sit on a couch than to run a marathon. Breaking bad habits and creating good habits takes discipline and strength of character.

We can build strength of character by challenging ourselves and doing things that other people might consider difficult. We can then use that strength to make more positive changes in our lives.

Doing things that are challenging but ultimately rewarding eventually becomes a habit! After years of taking the road less traveled and pushing my boundaries, I feel stronger and more grounded than I ever have in life. I’m not easily rattled by small everyday hassles, other people’s moods, or even my own emotions. The effect is subtle yet profound.

Courage. It takes courage to create the life I desire. As I explore and honor what I ultimately want for myself, I find that means breaking some old habits and making life changes. Those changes may include walking away from friendships and other relationships that no longer support my growth and my goals.

Friends and family may resist some of these changes. Often times the people that don’t support me are the same ones that make little effort in their own lives, so they would prefer that others remain stuck along with them. It takes courage and strength of character to not care what people think and to create the life I want even if others are judging my actions. I’ve done some bold things over the last few years to create a life that feels amazing. Read my story here.

Self Respect. Living my best life begins with appreciating the fact that I am alive. Realizing that life is a gift and every single day is a blessing is the foundation on which I build the life I desire. Appreciating life means respecting myself and my body.

My body is my vehicle for this journey. When I give it the fuel and maintenance that it needs, it will perform at its best and take me everywhere I want to go. Making the right food and lifestyle choices and creating healthy habits is part of living my dream life. I want to have lots of energy every day to enjoy life and achieve my goals. Check out these healthy recipes and smoothie ideas.

Choosing actions that nurture self-respect also builds confidence, and confidence is vital to achieving my goals.

Organization. Being the best I can be also takes some organization. Setting goals and living a balanced life is much easier when I take the time to plan things out and write them down. From daily to-do lists to 5-year plans, getting organized has a magical impact on our ability to achieve our goals.

CHALLENGE: Look within to shine a light on your hopes and dreams. The more you uncover and embrace the brighter the illumination. This light will lead you to live your best life.

I Know YOU Can Do It

Resources: Barbara Kingsolver Dr. Neel Burton writes on this for Psychology Today. Cosmic Vine; What Do You Hope To Achieve With Your Life? Happonomy.com livingyourbestlife.com

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We’ve all been there if we aren’t there now; that overwhelming feeling of not being as far along in life as you think you should be. The society we’re living in now isn’t helping either. With technology, we have the ability to peek in, creep, or troll anyone’s virtual life to start forming our opinion on how the other half live. It’s all perception and we are buying it, hook line, and sinker as reality. Look how successful everyone else is that must mean I’m behind. Does that give us the motivation to bring out our competitive side? For some yes but for most it just makes us feel sad and bad about ourselves. It’s demotivating because it looks like we are worlds apart and there is no way to catch up so guess what….I just won’t do anything. What if where you are is exactly where you need to be? What if self-acceptance gives you the motivation to grow? Want to dig a little deeper?

Perception…..ah the double edge sword. You might say to someone who is stuck in their way of thinking, “you need a new perspective”. Many times that means, I want you to see it my way. But for so many of us, it’s true, we do need a new perspective and a new way of looking at the world, what’s around us, and ourselves. But perception can easily be skewed when we accept what we think we see as reality.

I was in web-marketing for several years and I can remember sitting across from a Mom and Pop shop uttering these exact words: You may not have the money to change your facade or re-sod your lawn but you can be as big and rich as you want, on the web. It’s all perception. You drive up to a business that has holes in the parking lot, a building that needs repair, and outdated decor and what do you think? They aren’t doing very well, they must not know what they are doing. But you land on an up-to-date and slick website offering the same services and you immediately have more respect - they are successful and maybe even cutting edge.

Don’t you think the same scenario can apply to personal lives portrayed on the web? Do you think the person who is obsessed with selfies is so confident with the way they look that they just had to overshare with the world? NO? Possibly they are the ones in need of validation and someone to tell them how attractive they are so they can feel something, overcome something or just be able to look in the mirror. I say perception is surface level. It’s only one layer of the story. But instead of challenging and digging deeper to understand and form our opinions, we are limiting our senses to only our sight. What we see becomes our reality. I saw it so it has to be true. Communication is 55% body language and 38% tone of voice. Are we saying that no longer matters?

Someone posts a picture in full glam, standing next to a sportscar and behind an obscene amount of filters and they are successful and rich. No questions. They are doing well for themselves. Just as you can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t accept reality in a photograph, nay social media pic.

I love technology and I hope my constant reminders are not painting the wrong picture here. We need a healthy balance in all that we do. I’m just shining a light on how easily things can get off-kilter and what can happen as a result. Being aware is the first step. Sometimes we just feel bad and we let it go at that. We never dig deeper and peel back the layers to see why. Could it be what we are consuming and the rate in which we are consuming it?

When you feel overwhelmed or behind, have you asked yourself why? In a cause and effect trial, should you remove causes to judge the effect? Or do you just throw up your hands and blame this mean old world and the hand you’ve been dealt? You have the power to take control of your reaction to any action.

I read a book with the most profound advice; The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I often quote each of the agreements separately when they apply...and they do, often! The fourth agreement is to always give your best. Now that sounds simple but it’s much more complex the deeper you dig. You see, today you may have it all to give but tomorrow you may not. So if you always give your best then you are giving what you have on that given day and nothing more. We see giving 100% as all. Imagine a full glass up to the brim. That’s all that glass can hold so it’s 100%. But what if that the glass was only half full? How could you give your best or 100%? Well if you give the whole half then you are giving all you have to give at that moment and that is your best.

It’s hard to conceptualize because we have bought into this idea of 100% as everything to the fullest. If you don’t have a full glass then you don’t have enough. How often do you have a full glass? What happens on the other days? You feel bad and less than perfect, behind, losing.

But what if you gave YOUR all….not it all but YOUR all every time? Wouldn’t you feel great knowing that you gave it your all? Would that change your outlook before the day even started? Today, I’m going to give it my all! No matter what happens, I’m giving it my all and that’s enough!

CHALLENGE: Look within first. Before you compare your life and list of accomplishments with what you see, find out who you are and what is most important to you. Today give your best, whatever that may be.

I Know You Can Do It!

Show Resources: Dr. Jim Taylor, psychologist, and professor at the University of San Francisco Rae Jacobson for the Child Mind Institute Henrik Edberg for the Positivity Blog: Additional episodes of Encouragementology

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Self-Acceptance in all we are and all we do is the ultimate goal. As with any successful goal planning, you must create milestones with reminders to check-in with yourself; a gut-check if you will. Total acceptance is not our go-to behavior and may take more than the average amount of self-discovery, awareness, and practice to tap into. I would like to use the word master here but I am convinced that the laws of nature push against this concept so it takes you being persistent and diligent in your pursuit. Just think about it...freedom! Freeing yourself from judgment, shame, and regret and loving YOU! Pencil it in, we aren’t giving up!

By all accounts, I’m a very confident person. I’m outspoken, extroverted, never met a stranger, loves speaking to large crowds, and in most cases, fearless. But I struggle with self-acceptance. I don’t have low self-esteem and can easily identify my strengths but it’s my weaknesses that I judge and criticize. It’s hard for me to truly and completely forgive myself for past mistakes and as a result, I carry a good amount of regret. Someone once told me that it isn’t guilt but sadness. Sadness over lost time that you can’t recapture.

I love how everything looks different from a shift in perspective. You can carry a torch for something but from a different vantage point, that flame can look like a roaring fire or barely and burning ember. It’s important to let people inside to help you work through these judgments and to share a different perspective.

Think about finding an accountability partner to share your dreams, fears, strengths, and weaknesses with. This person can play an important role in your life if you pick the right person. Someone who is genuinely interested in your health and well being. A person that has nothing to gain by your success for failure but who is honest and kind. You don’t need a drill sergeant or a tough-love coach for this exercise. Your accountability partner is someone who you can turn to when you need compassion, guidance, and truthful but kind feedback.

You aren’t looking for someone to stroke your ego and tell you how attractive you are and how you shouldn’t have anything to complain about. Your fears and self-criticism are real even if, to the outside person, they look unwarranted. Having someone to tell you to just “get over it” is not helpful!

Self-acceptance comes with time and emotional growth. Each milestone hit, a meaningful relationship formed, personal victory experienced, and obstacle overcame gives you a push in the right direction. But there can be roadblocks and detours that cause you to question everything. Your accountability partner can be a healthy reminder of how far you’ve come and guide you around the closures and back out to smooth sailing.

How easy is it for you to identify your strengths? What are you good at? What are you proud of? If someone asked you to tell them about yourself, what do you highlight? Sometimes I do this exercise with groups and I tell them they can’t pick their family. Go deeper than what you’ve produced and talk about yourself, your core. Sometimes we hide behind what we do to avoid talking about who we are. You are unique. Good and bad, there is only one of you. Your walk on this earth is flanked by many experiences and lots of people, but it is your walk to take. No one can make the ultimate decision but you. So don’t you want to get to know your captain?

How about your weaknesses? Do you have a list a mile long? What if your weaknesses were actually your strengths? That would shake it up a bit wouldn’t it?

I care deeply about what people think about me. That can be a strength and a weakness. As a strength, I’m very focused on my relationships with others. I am aware of my communication and body language style and go out of my way to be accomodating and kind. As a weakness, I can easily misinterpret a lack of attention or response from another person. I believe I have more control over other people’s thoughts and reactions than I do. I don’t recognize when someone might be dealing with their own insecurities that have nothing to do with me.

As I said, this is a marathon, not a sprint!

So what are you waiting for? Start embracing your weaknesses today! Whether you choose to work on your flaws or accept them, don’t be afraid to share more of yourself with the world.

Guess what, we all have problems. That’s a general statement meaning everyone is dealing with their own stuff and even if you idealize the person who you think has it all together; guaranteed, they are insecure about something!

I love the dynamic of support groups. I’m using the word support group to give you an accurate visual of a group of people sitting in a circle sharing intimate details about themselves with others. What I don’t like about the support group stereotype is that there has to be something wrong with you to want to seek the counsel and support from other people and that’s wrong! We need each other. We were put here on this earth to commune and work together. That is how we survive and thrive.

Being independent does not mean going it alone or solo. So many times we feel like we are the only ones dealing with these issues and no one could possibly understand what we are going through. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. When you share your fears, desires, goals, challenges, and successes you find common threads that link you with other people. There a bond is formed; a basic understanding and mutual respect. We are always learning and learning from others who have walked there before, overcame, and conquered is priceless.

If you are alone and disconnected believing no one would understand what you are going through, please reach out. Don’t be ashamed of feeling weak. You aren’t supposed to go it alone, you need others for comfort, compassion, understanding, and support and that is true strength.

Let’s take another step forward to self-acceptance. Today, you might have uncovered a weakness that turned out to be a mighty strength and a strength you’ve been using to hide weakness. We can shift our perspective to see things with a new light as we start to forgive ourselves for what we can’t control and love ourselves for who we are.

CHALLENGE: Embrace all that you are, good, bad, and undiscovered. You have the power to accept and improve while loving YOU.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Resources: Sharon Martin LCSW for PsychCentral Thibaut Meurisse the founder of Whatispersonaldevelopment.org Umair Haque for Medium

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When it rains it pours, doesn’t it? Some of us feel the tiniest raindrop and we run for cover and others get drenched knowing we should seek shelter but are unable to move. Self-doubt, a misguided sense of responsibility, past failures, worry, fear...you name it, we’re stuck. Taking a risk, calculated or not, and moving on can be one of the hardest things to do. With it comes a storm of “what ifs” to go and to stay. But here’s a what-if; what if there are smooth sailing and sunshine right around the corner. What if, it’s been waiting for you to arrive this whole time. What took you so long?

We’ve all stayed in the rain a little too long before moving on. Let’s talk about what possesses us to endure the obvious and what we need, to motivate a change. Then let’s look at the benefits of moving on. Not just hoping for a clear day but seriously getting to a place of acceptance, letting go, and moving on. Ready to control the weather?

Are you in a situation right now? Quick, the first one that came to mind. It could be a romantic relationship that has seen more lows than highs or a work situation that is less than fulfilling. Whatever your storm….why are you still standing in the rain?

I’m not saying it’s easy, Lord knows that’s not what I’m saying. No seriously, he knows. He saw me drowning and threw me a line. The quote I mentioned is something I aspire to have not something I’ve always possessed.

The turning point for me was admitting I couldn’t do everything. Yes, I said. I can’t do everything! Not for a lack trying but at some point you have to admit defeat and let go of the control you think you have and try something new. Instead of trying and failing at fixing everyone else, I decided to fix me. Six years ago I put myself first. I’m going to leave a dramatic pause at the end of that because it doesn’t happen for most of us. Putting yourself first seems selfish and egotistical.

I’ve always heard, you can’t help others until you help yourself but I never fully knew what that meant. Remember, I was stuck in the delusion that I could do anything. Taking care of me didn’t mean getting my hair and nails done or a nice massage, it meant listening and responding to my needs. I had to get in touch with who I am and who I wanted to be. I had to explore my own fears and insecurities to create a plan to get there.

This doesn’t happen overnight but it’s the first step to getting out of the rain. Make the decision that you are worth more. Accept the fact that the only person you can save is you. Grab the umbrella and the rest will be a meaningful discovery.

Not every situation can be so judicious. Sometimes every act of nature is being thrown in your direction and you aren’t willing to accept that you are in the eye of the storm by your own doing. It’s called denial and it doesn’t mean you are stupid or defiant. In most cases, you believe you are helping. As twisted as that may sound especially when you stay it out loud to a trusted friend or worse, a stranger who doesn’t know any back story. You feel a sense of responsibility for someone else’s happiness and emotional well being.

Now, we all want to be helpful and we all want to be liked but the person drenched to the bone because they won’t seek shelter is a person who believes they have more control.

Once you shift your perspective and accept a clear and honest picture of where you are, why you are there, and how to make the right decision, it’s time to focus on you.

Moving on is moving to a different vantage point for your life. Instead of being in the ditch digging away without direction, you are ready to be more strategic and develop a blueprint for what you want out of YOUR life. Let the fun begin!

Guess what, just in case you are looking over your shoulder fearful that you’ve moved on too quickly (while drenched to the bone of all the second, nay the endless chances you’ve given); they will be just fine. Really, they will. We all have a life to lead and that includes trials, tribulations, success, and failure. We are all meant to walk through these without being carried.

CHALLENGE: Grab an umbrella and a moment to evaluate the situation. Don’t accept unhappy as the problem instead of the symptom. Dig deeper and then get a better vantage point to chart out your next move.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Resources: 5 questions to ask yourself from Positively Present Joseph Wilner Free Yourself By “Letting Go” of What You Can’t ControlJennifer Lyn Sanin from, live purposely now Ilene Strauss Cohen Ph.D. - Important Tips on How to Let Go and Free Yourself

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When is the last time you took the time to fantasize, dream, or wonder? Sometimes we are so busy with our day-to-day crazy schedule and crunch time that we forget there is a great big world out there and all we have to do is imagine more. Visualize how we want to go and where we want to be. Sounds dreamy, huh? Why then, when we have a moment to ourselves, do we grab a device and get lost in someone else’s fantasy? One moment...a half a second, gone! Let’s take this opportunity to stop, take in a big breath, and lookup. Notice the clouds? Ok, stay there.

I saw the clouds one morning while making coffee. Up early, bustling around gathering all my workplace necessities, computer, all the adapters for said computer, an ample supply of notebooks and folders, snacks, my lunch, water that I would talk myself into drinking later, and now the coffee….COME ON! I recently bought a Keurig with a frother to make lattes at home. Why don’t they just tell you in the disclaimer that there is a reason Starbucks is in business and you are not?

At any rate, now I have a Keurig that produces one slow cup at a time. So impatiently, I looked out the window. At first, I thought of how in a few weeks I would need the grass cut and how in a huff, I got rid of last season’s lawn crew and was behind in finding someone new. But then, all of a sudden, it happened. I looked up and caught a glimpse of the fluffy pillows of white and I exhaled. It was a clear day and the sky was a welcome shade of baby blue so the clouds just rested there on display.

I was instantly transported back to childhood when spring was blooming and the grass was turning green and the days were getting just a little bit longer. I can remember laying on my back, the ground still moist. The temp was cool enough for a sweatshirt but I was already pushing summer with short sleeves and goosebumps. I would stare at those clouds getting mesmerized by their sheer size and the thought of what they must feel like and what it would be like to jump from cloud to cloud. So relaxed and miles away in thought. Not sure how long I would lay there, probably until the ants finally found me and persistently asked me to leave.

No agenda, no rush, no stress. When is the last time you lost yourself to that place? Does it seem like a world apart from here? What happened? Why did we stop daydreaming?

Is it just a lack of time? Maybe we don’t see the point, we’ve evolved. Or life has thrown us so many curve balls there is no reason to leave anything up to chance, we’ve become jaded. Let’s find out and then find a way back!

As with everything we talk about, a healthy balance is ideal. So to be fair, we will also look at what happens when you spend too much time with your head in the clouds and how even that, could be limiting.

Daydreaming to me represents slowing down and spending a little more time thinking, wondering, and visualizing the world and you in it. I’m suggesting creating space to grow without the limits and parameters of everyone else’s ideas.

Sure, cop a squat and pick out giraffe and elephant shapes in the cloud, that’s fun too but let’s explore daydreaming in other ways.

How many of you robot from activity to activity? Time to make the coffee, leaving for work, emails, meetings, lunchtime, more emails, meetings, putting out fires, driving home, take out the trash, time for dinner, chit chat, worry, frustration...whelp time for bed see you again, tomorrow! Autopilot!

I can remember showing up to work and not remembering the drive-in and I wasn’t even daydreaming! I was lost in a cloud of same’o, same’o. If that’s you and your week flies by because you barely noticed it or your week drags because NOTHING ever changes, then it’s time to take the wheel.

Oh to see the world as a child does. We used to say that thinking yeah, you just wait until you get older and have to get a job and then have a family to support. Now who’s laughing! It’s not about having responsibility or the pressures of life weighing you down. A child takes their time with no agenda but to figure it all out. They aren’t quick to be bias or discount something because of what they’ve heard. In fact, the opposite is true, they think they can do anything ….until you tell them they can’t.

What if we could make a concentrated effort to rediscover wonder? That doesn’t mean quit your job and unload your responsibility to start over.

Try This: Cultivate your beginner’s mind as a daily life experiment. Try to approach a problem at work with fresh eyes. Imagine you’d never encountered this problem before and explore it in all its detail. Do the same with daily experiences, like dinner-time or while in a conversation with a friend or spouse. Look at the interaction with new eyes. You may want to imagine you are watching the interaction as an observer. Search for details that you’d previously ignored because the situation is so familiar. Notice how people look, their tone of voice, how they respond to you and their body language. When you look with beginner's eyes, what do you see, that you previously overlooked?

As you do this exercise in daily life, do you find your mind clearing of automatic expectations and judgments? Did you notice anything that you’d previously overlooked? Does slowing down and allowing yourself to simply observe the world around you give you a sense of peace or wonder?

Routine and knowledge of how the world works allow us to make choices about where to focus our attention. But sometimes we get so used to seeing the world in a particular way that we miss important aspects of our experience.

As with everything, just be aware of the moments you blow through and slow down. Don’t be quick to grab your phone or ask someone else. Just sit and wrestle with something for a while. I’m convinced Google is crushing our critical thinking not to mention, paralyzing our patience.

Start noticing how many times you have a thought and how quickly you grab your device to look up the answer. Once the results are in, do you dig down to compare the info to come up with the right answer or do you take the first result?

What if, the next time you are at dinner with your family or a friend and you come up with a question, you spend some time reasoning it out? Couldn’t this be fun? Everyone can contribute a thought and a possible solution or reason. You can wonder and rationalize to come up with the best possible solution. This doesn’t have to be a big life question or solve the world’s problems. How old is Willie Nelson? Take a moment and consider his span of work, a movie you might have seen him in, how old you were when you saw it, how old he must have been when he made it. I’m just suggesting taking some time and talking it out. You never know what other conversations and cool subjects could come up as a result.

In the end, if you want to verify your conclusion, you can but do you really care how old Willie Nelson is? Oh and remember, Google is a search engine gathering data from websites based on keywords and popularity or the clever manipulation of SEO. Don’t be so quick to accept the first answer since they aren’t just an unbiased service for the public but a business selling to consumers.

Are you thinking, great, now I need to spend time wondering? Where am I going to fit that in? I’m supposed to wake up and find gratitude, send out my positive energy to everyone I encounter, be mindful of limiting beliefs and when I should challenge them, AND wonder? Oy

There are many times I catch Matt in wonder. I’ll walk into his office to tell him something and he’s just sitting there. No computer on, no music, nothing in his hands; just sitting there. Now, as a multi-tasker extraordinaire, this seems odd to me. So I ask, “whatcha doing?” His response, “just sitting here”. This is such a foreign concept to me so I have to clarify that I heard him right by repeating his answer, “just sitting there?” Notice the question in my voice? I’m expecting him to come back with a detail that he left out but no, “Yep, just sitting here”. I’m perplexed and dig because there has to be more to this activity. Maybe he’s waiting for something to happen by just wasting time. But no…..he’s just thinking. WEIRD!

But we should all take this awkward exchange as a reminder, thinking IS doing something too.

Not all daydreaming comes with visions of the little girl on her back looking at the clouds trying to figure out the world. Sometimes the term “daydreamer” brings a negative picture. Someone who can’t take anything seriously, won’t put any real attention or effort in, no direction, lost in the clouds.

Always dreaming, getting ready to get ready isn’t the healthy balance we are always talking about. If you use daydreaming as a way to escape for a moment and give your mind space to wonder, that’s great. If you use daydreaming to escape from life, from your responsibilities and growth, then it could be counterproductive.

Dreams should help you visualize new things you want to try, experience, or explore. What might be preventing you from turning those thoughts and dreams into reality? This may be something to breakdown but you can’t do that until you are aware that your healthy balance, might be a little off.

Too much time in the future, imagining what life could be without taking action means you can’t enjoy the present or work out the details that are preventing you from moving forward.

“A daydream is a meal at which images are eaten. Some of us are gourmets, some gourmands, and a good many take their images precooked out of a can and swallow them down whole, absent-mindedly and with little relish.” ― W.H. Auden

CHALLENGE: Observe your thoughts and wrestle with your ideas. Take a moment to dream and wonder; exploring the corners of your subconscious. Life will keep moving even if you take a mini, thought-provoking, time-out.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

RESOURCES:

Christy Matta wrote an article, Have You Lost Your Sense of Wonder? For mentalhelp.net SIDNEY STEVENS gives us 5 ways daydreaming is good for you. In an article for Everyday Health, we learn ever MORE positives for daydreaming and a few negatives A cool quote by W.H. Auden

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Did you start the year, this quarter, or even this month off with the best intentions only to find yourself smack dab in a lull? Broad goals are easy to create, mapping out milestones and hitting them along the way can be a challenge, but sticking to a plan with the same intensity as the day you started can be a brutal fight. You still want it right? Then what happened? Where did you lose focus? We are going to delve into that, dissect some scenarios and come up with some strategies to get back on track. I know you can do it!

Just like we would research places to go, create an itinerary, and pack all the necessary tools for our journey, creating reachable goals takes a well thought out plan. Did you forget to investigate all the options, leave out a step along the way, or did you over or under pack for the trip? First, let’s walk through the steps for successful goal planning to make sure we haven’t missed anything. Then let’s explore where motivation comes from and how you can get more and sustain it longer. A time-release solution for motivation sounds perfect!

We also need to discuss the obvious snags to any good plan. Preparing for how you are going to handle the unforeseen is a critical strategy needed for success. Ready to party and celebrate? It’s a necessary element to motivation so we are going to talk about its benefits and how you can make sure you build in reward to keep you mentally hydrated along the way.

Where did this goal come from? Is this a long-term goal to get you further along in life or is it a short-term goal helping you obtain something you want or getting you over the hump? It’s important to remember where you started and why.

You should always have a goal. Setting goals helps trigger new behaviors, helps guides your focus and helps you sustain that momentum in life.

Communicating your goal to an accountability partner helps keep you accountable. I recently did just that. At the end of the brainstorming session my accountability partner said, is there anything I can do to help you and I said, “Now you know my plan, the reasons why, and my overall mission. Help me stay laser-focused on that. If you see me wavering or going in a different direction, gently remind me to look to my vantage point.”

It’s easy to get into weeds and go off on a tangent. I love to paint the picture of digging a ditch. If you are too tactical you will spend all your time in the ditch, digging and digging. Without a strategic approach, you can’t stay focused on where you’re going. Imagine the aerial view of that!

So how do you know if you set the right goal? Like picking the perfect destination for your journey, you might want to clarify a few things. Do you have a burning desire to uncover and execute your life’s purpose? Or is it more of getting to the next level in life, work, or health?

Here are a few questions I came up with to flush out before you put pen to paper.

1 - Why is this my goal? It’s important to soul-search this question a bit. If you are going to spend the time, do the research, and set up the plan, you might want to make sure this is what YOU truly want. It’s a great time to make sure the goal and the outcome associated with it are of importance to you and not something you’re doing to please someone else. The motivation to please will only take you so far.

2- Is the timing right? Laser-focus takes time and a serious commitment. Is this the right time for you to dedicate yourself to this goal? Is it something you want to do or have to do? What will you be giving up to make it happen? Are you willing to give it up? Be strategic, timing is everything and missing the mark won’t set yourself up for success.

3- Do I have support through the process? Clearing a path in your life to focus on your, your wants, needs, and desires may mean others have to take a back seat or pitch in with a little extra help. Do you have a good support system? Are you willing to ask for the help you need? Have you identified an accountability partner or two? Creating a successful plan means you do the homework to modify your current routine and remove any known obstacles ahead of time.

4 -What’s your timeframe? You need to be willing to push yourself. It’s ok to be realistic but not setting parameters around time means you aren’t taking the process very seriously. Losing weight, getting better at something, or making more money is way too broad. You need to be specific and time-bound to stay on track. What do you want, when do you want to complete it by, and what happens in between.

5- What happens if you don’t succeed? Failure is a part of life and even though you don’t want to start your journey with a negative spirit, you do need to be prepared with a Plan B. If you aren’t willing to accept that failure is an option then you could be caught with a devastating, dream-crushing blow that you can’t recover from. Having an alternate route means you don’t have to start over if things don’t go as planned. You can simply make the necessary adjustments and be on your way!

Sounds motivating and easy to do but is it? Failure can be a game-changer for some. If given the opportunity, it can solidify what you already knew; you aren’t good enough, you aren’t smart enough, you can’t win. Left untreated and failure can not only stop you in your tracks but it can prevent you from trying anything, you see risky, again. If you aren’t evolving and pushing yourself, then you are stuck; your growth stunted.

How can you objectively learn from your failures without taking them so personally? Personal yes, they are happening to you, but objectively so you can step outside of the situation and learn from the lesson that is being presented.

Where does your motivation come from? It might be easy to say money or success but let’s dig a little deeper. Could it be a sense of accomplishment, praise, or validation?

Has anyone told you that you could do it? That you matter and that your goals are important?

Before goals and the motivation to reach them comes encouragement. The inspiration that all of this is even possible. Encouragement is needed to connect and visualize something better. Its instilling courage, confidence, and hope. It’s essential for reaching any goal.

“Those who are lifting the world upward and onward are those who encourage more than criticize.” - Elizabeth Harrison

Just being told that someone believes in your ability to do something is motivating. I know YOU can do it! I believe in you! Your goals are important and you have the ability to reach them!

I think NIKE puts it best, Just DO it! Waiting around for motivation to come is like staying up to catch Santa, it will never happen. You can’t meditate motivation, you can’t wait it out, or touch your nose and watch it appear. You have to pick a goal that is important to you, specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound and then just go for it!

The climate is never going to be perfect and someone isn’t going to knock on your door and hand it to you. You have to go out and get it.

Ready to party? Waiting until you reach your overall goal will mean you miss out on all the intrinsic benefits of hitting and celebrating milestones along the way. Want to party more often, then make your milestones closer together. It’s important to throw in a few easy to obtain ones to give yourself a nice boost with a few challenging ones to keep you accountable.

One of the main reasons celebrating is so important is because it reflects an overall attitude of gratitude and enjoying what we have, instead of focusing on what we don’t have or only on what we want in the future.

Goal setting is great and keeps you focused on shaping what’s to come but too much time in the future means you can’t enjoy the present. As with everything, it’s about creating a healthy balance. Creating celebrations around mini-milestones means you get to commemorate the now. Life moves at such a rapid speed that these built-in speed bumps can help you slow down and find gratitude. While you are there, you might have a chance to engage in other joyful activities that you would have missed on the Audobon of life.

Grab dinner with your accountability partner to share your good news. Schedule a day of luxury and pampering for yourself. Make a marker showing a successful win you can display in your office or your home. Mark it off the to-do list and doodle a happy face. Journal your excitement so when life’s moving fast and the road is bumpy, you can come back and visit your success for extra motivation.

You are in charge and you have the power to make it happen! Hopefully, these ideas will help you evaluate your plan to see where you need some additional attention or focus or maybe even a re-engineer of ideas. Either way, you are worth it and getting to your next milestone is just around the corner.

CHALLENGE: Pull in for a pit-stop to make sure your goals reflect your dreams, put in the work to engineer a successful plan, and enlist encouragement and accountability from those you trust to help push you through the lulls. You deserve it!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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Are you ready to take action, get over the hump, and get on your way to feeling better, achieving a goal, making a deeper impact, and just being happier? Well, my friend, you are going to have to stop pushing opportunities aside, refusing help, trying to do it all on your own, and most importantly, saying NO. What are you afraid of? Are you so closed off and shut down to believe that you have experienced everything there is to experience, that you couldn’t possibly learn something new about yourself, and be happier than you are today? Hogwash. There is ALWAYS more! Let’s dig into the knee jerk “I’m just looking” response and start saying YES!

Let’s talk about what’s preventing you from saying yes, when no works for you and when it can work against you, and how being open to more can give you the momentum to propel you forward. Sound like a plan?

Are you that person who walks into a store and no matter what your mission, when you’re approached for help you say, “no thank you, I’m just looking”? It’s a knee jerk reaction. I’ve said it and then thought about it for half a second, retracted and said: “why yes, I do need some help, where is this or that?” Why spend time searching for something I’m unfamiliar with when an expert just said, how can I help you today. We’ve become conditioned to figuring things out on our own, to avoid making contact, and possibly being talked into something we don’t need or aren’t ready for. Has this been your experience when you’ve let your guard down and accepted help? No? Then where did that preconceived notion come from? Why are we so quick to push help aside to go it alone?

How many automatic no’s do you deliver every day? If not verbally, in your mind?

Sometimes no is so deeply rooted that even though it comes out of your mouth it doesn’t come from your heart. It’s an opinion or thought given to us when we needed help to understand the world. Somewhere, someone told us no and we believed the why and it became our thought and opinion too. Left unchallenged, we carry it around and use it like caution cones for road construction. Slow down, use caution, or worse….detour here! We reroute everything in our life based on something we heard vs something we’ve tested.

We talk a lot about self-limiting beliefs and that’s because it’s important. It’s important to look at it from all angles and continue to bring new ideas around the subject to the surface. If you heard it the first time and were able to break through all your false beliefs and adopt your own perspective, then CONGRATS! How freeing that must feel. However, I’m going to lay money on the fact that most of us need to hear it again and again and then even after that, be continually reminded. Deeply rooted beliefs don’t pluck easily from our garden of knowledge.

It takes persistence. Just like the weeds that come back again and again, when given any opportunity, these thoughts and judgments will replay over and over.

We’ve all had these beliefs at one time or many times in our lives. We may still be having them now. The first step is to recognize that there could be an alternative perspective. As with anything, if you aren’t aware, you can’t alter your thoughts.

For me, it happens as a revelation. I may have heard it and believed it one way for so long and then all of a sudden I hear a new idea that challenges my old one and BAM! I may have heard it over and over but for some reason, that one time took hold and opened my eyes. So don’t stop searching for new ideas and listening to others. Knowledge comes from hearing so be open to what’s being said around you. Once your mind is open and this new idea is swirling around, it’s time to challenge your old way of thinking.

Now you might be a skeptic, so this may not happen in one attempt. But that’s the beauty of self-discovery, it’s a journey. Keep poking away at it and whittle it down until it no longer has a hold over you.

Sometimes is the sheer fear of saying yes. As we’ve already established, no keeps us closed off and protected. New ideas and opportunities might push you out of your comfort zone and then what? You will be exposed and vulnerable and people might see the true you. Ouch! Sounds funny but generally, we are afraid of the unknown. Routine is comfortable and predictable. But what if….you really like it and it propels you to new heights.

There are times when no is HARD to say but healthy to do so. I’m not suggesting replacing all your no’s with yes but just to be mindful so you get a healthy balance. Sometimes saying no is the source of your anxiety. You don’t want to let people down, you want to please, fix, or control. No might create that uncomfortable confrontation or worse, show that you aren’t needed when validation is what you need most. ALWAYS being there for everyone but yourself is not valiant it’s risky. Just like limiting beliefs, our perception of people-pleasing can be skewed. Helpful can easily morph into controlling. Not allowing others to live their lives unaided by you can create a false sense of dependency that enables them from learning and evolving.

People-pleasing is another deeply rooted behavior in our garden but with pruning and self-care you can keep it at bay.

Feeling powerful? Perception really does control so much of what we think and do. We can get so rooted in one frame of mind that we miss much of what passes us by. Being open to differing opinions and new perspectives give us a chance to grow in a direction that nurtures and feeds our minds.

Adam Sicinski, Lifetime Achiever gives us a list of things that we should be saying YES to that will help us live a more optimal life and propel us forward:

Say YES to opportunities to attempt something new that you hadn’t tried before.

Say YES to possibilities for new adventures, challenges, and experiences.

Say YES to things that somewhat scare you or that you don’t quite understand.

Say YES to things that break your monotonous rituals, habits, and routines.

Say YES to things that help you learn something new about yourself, about others and about life.

Say YES to building friendships and connections with strangers.

Say YES to experiencing changes that feel uncomfortable and yet somewhat exciting at the same time.

Say YES to unexpected invites that create interest and pull you out of your comfort zone.

Say YES to random encounters and coincidences that you don’t quite understand but would like to make the most of.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of things that we should be saying YES to more often, however it does cover quite an array of scenarios that can help you experience more of what life has to offer.

CHALLENGE: Take a moment before you respond. This could be an opportunity for something new and exciting to develop. Embrace yes and challenge no when you’ve considered all your options. You deserve the best life has to offer.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

RESOURCES: Peter Shankman, article, saying yes vs saying no Habits for Wellbeing shares some insight on where they come from and why they are so easy to believe. Ed & Deb Shapiro The Way Ahead Claire Hodgson gives us 5 Tips to Help You Stop Being a People PleaserAdam Sicinski, Lifetime Achiever gives us, The Value of Saying Yes More Often to Life’s Opportunities

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Are you tired of being on auto-pilot? Are you at that point in your life where you are craving more? Are you feeling short-changed worried that this is it? Whatever your reason it may be time to shake it up a bit and wake up your brain. Now, I’m going to start this show with a huge disclaimer, I AM NOT A BRAIN EXPERT or a Dr of any kind. I haven’t suffered and been healed from a traumatic brain injury or can even claim to have lost and or found my mind….at least not technically. But I do want more. I’m craving a challenge and control over my life. I believe we have the power to affect change in ourselves and others if we take action. The only way to do that is to break down where you are, make a plan for what you want, do the homework, and take action!

Is anyone in there? Do you feel like you are just going through the motions of life being led around by one demand after another? Hoping to get off this crazy merry-go-round but then what is the alternative? Guess I will just keep drudging forward letting life dictate what happens next. You work your whole life and then at some point you get a chance and rest and do nothing. Doesn’t that sound great? Doing nothing?

NO THANK YOU - “knock-knock” is anyone in there? You are in control of your own destiny, wake up and grab the wheel! Oh boy, if your brain has gone to sleep and handed over the controls to fate then it’s time to hit the off switch instead of snooze over and over.

For me, it’s more of channeling my energy in another direction. My brain is definitely awake and always conjuring up new ideas for myself and everyone else I meet. Sometimes I would like to just switch it off for a bit which is why I’ve become rather fond of cooking and baking competitions HA. It’s not necessarily to learn something new although I do have a better idea of what makes a good sponge or when a bearnaise sauce is appropriate but really, it’s to distract my mind.

So how can we continually challenge our brains? I for one am not going down without a fight! It sounds like to me brain exercise is just as, if not more, important than physical exercise and eating healthy. I’m going to think of it as a trifecta for health and wellness.

What about a mind that is spinning out of control - instead of autopilot, it’s been hijacked by doom and gloom, shame, guilt, and anxiety. How do you put a stick in the spoke and regain control? Because I’m a visual-learning who relies on storytelling and pictures to get my point across - AND because I’ve already confessed to my lack of neurological credentials, I’m going to refer to the brain as a series of rooms.

I have used the Life Model over and over to explain the regions of the brain.

Level 1 – The coal room

Our personal reality and attachment are created on the ground floor of the control center. Our brains pick who and what is important to us through structures including the thalamus and basal ganglion. One part of this network, called the nucleus accumbens, is the brain’s pleasure and pain center. This nucleus contributes strongly to addictions, sexuality and most importantly, our attachment to those we love. The attachment level is sometimes called the “deep limbic system” and lights up when we want to bond with others. If we do not receive a response in return we feel pained, rejected, unloved, abandoned, jilted, dumped, alone or unwanted. The attachment level probably inspires more songs, stories, movies, relationships, and crimes than any other structure.

Level 2 – The Basement

Once something or someone has gotten the attention of level one, the information is passed along to the guard shack at level two for a security screening. This level, called the amygdala, has three opinions: good, bad or scary. These opinions are entirely subjective and permanent once they are formed. This level soon has opinions about chocolate, loud noises, elevators, airplanes, angry faces, dogs and almost all of life. Anyone who has tried to battle the opinions by level two about heights, airplanes or cocaine knows how unchanging these views actually are in spite of all evidence and persuasion.

Level 3 – The Den

This structure, on the third floor of the brain, provides us with our mutual-mind experiences with other people. Because we can share something of what others experience, we can become human, form relationships, interact predictably, synchronize our internal rhythms with life around us, and understand what it means to be ourselves. The cingulate cortex is the first level of the control center to have a will and conscious experience. As a result of being cortex, the cingulate can learn how to adapt to others. Because it has a curved shape something like a banana, we have begun to call it the “mental banana.” Training level three to have mutual-mind experiences with others that are accurate and still cover a full range of feelings is what helps us become fully alive and human.

Level 4 – The Foyer

The right orbital prefrontal cortex (PFC) on the top floor of the control center has executive control over the rest of the brain when properly developed. This PFC spot thinks of itself as “me” and runs the brain when under stress. When trained, it has the capacity to quiet the basement, direct our moral choices, be creative, think flexibly and even influence such delicate functions as our immune system. When the person is strong enough, and the three floors below them have sufficient capacity, the mind can resist becoming traumatized when things go badly and maintain a strong, positive and determined identity.

A perfect mix of technical and imagery. I use these levels to work with people in recovery as a way to understand why sometimes they make rash decisions and have problems with obsessing and ruminating. It’s easy for them to get stuck on a hamster wheel in the basement of the brain. When you are there it’s hard for you to see the silver lining, be open to new ideas and suggestions, put yourself in other’s shoes, and to see a brighter outcome. Through mindfulness and experiencing joy, they can start climbing the stairs to the other regions of the brain. When they reach the foyer, they can start rationalizing good from bad, what consequences they and those they love might suffer, new opportunities to be had, and a better outcome.

Here are some of the strategies we use to stop obsessing:

• Finding your happy place - through journaling, recall 1-3 happy memories where you felt powerful, loved, in control, productive, respected, validated, or honored. Add detail to your story such as what the day was like, how you felt, who else participated etc. The more details the better because when you are in the basement, reaching your happy place will take strong visualization. With practice, you can train yourself to reach this place often when needed.
• Visualizing the person you want to be - It’s helpful to do a current and future and to separate the two. You can name them differently or just refer to them as HE/SHE and give them an identity. How do you feel about them? Verbalize your disappointment and call out characteristics that you aren’t proud of. Then visualize YOU in the future - what do you look like, what are you doing, how do you feel. You might even notice bright colors or feel the warmth of acceptance. It can be very powerful.
• STOP Method to reduce anxiety - this involves stopping what you are doing, taking in a big breath and waiting 5 seconds, noticing how you are feeling in the situation, and then making a plan for your next move. This gives you time to respond instead of just reacting to a challenging situation. When you are in the basement of the brain it’s easy to rely on knee-jerk reactions instead of an educated and rational decision. Giving yourself space in everything you do will give you time for self-care.

Getting control of your thinking means waking up all the regions so you can be transported back to the present and harness your control over critical thinking and problem-solving. Waking up the brain means we aren’t leaving things to chance and we aren’t going to accept the same thoughts day after day. You want to change your circumstances, then change your way of thinking.

Get a great idea and then your internal monologue takes over? "That will never work!" "Why do you think you are smart enough to try that?" "You better be happy with what you have and stop looking for more!" STOP!

Ben Martin, Psy.D. a clinical psychologist wrote an article on challenging self-talk for Psych Central.

You can test, challenge and change your self-talk. You can change some of the negative aspects of your thinking by challenging the irrational parts and replacing them with more reasonable thoughts.

There are four main types of challenging questions to ask yourself:

1. Reality testing
2. What is my evidence for and against my thinking?
3. Are my thoughts factual, or are they just my interpretations?
4. Am I jumping to negative conclusions?

5. How can I find out if my thoughts are actually true?

6. Look for alternative explanations

7. Are there any other ways that I could look at this situation?
8. What else could this mean?

9. If I were being positive, how would I perceive this situation?

10. Putting it in perspective

11. Is this situation as bad as I am making out to be?
12. What is the worst thing that could happen? How likely is it?
13. What is the best thing that could happen?
14. What is most likely to happen?
15. Is there anything good about this situation?
16. Will this matter in five years’ time?

17. When you feel anxious, depressed or stressed-out your self-talk is likely to become extreme, you’ll be more likely to expect the worst and focus on the most negative aspects of your situation. So, it’s helpful to try and put things into their proper perspective.

18. Using goal-directed thinking

19. Is thinking this way helping me to feel good or to achieve my goals?
20. What can I do that will help me solve the problem?
21. Is there something I can learn from this situation, to help me do it better next time?

You can conquer your negative self-talk today by challenging yourself with these questions every time you catch yourself thinking something negative to yourself.

Ready for a wake-up call?

CHALLENGE: Wake up your brain with new ideas and challenging activities that help you connect with others, share your experiences, and grow in your love for life.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

RESOURCES:

Gustavo Razzetti from The Adaptive Mind,When we live on autopilot, it feels like someone else is driving, not us.” Victoria Woollaston, there may be a scientific answer to why we can never remember people’s names. Harvard Health Publishing offers 6 simple steps to keep your mind sharp at any age. Life Model explaining the regions of the brain. Ben Martin, Psy.D. a clinical psychologist challenging self-talk for Psych Central.

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I’m talking to you, whether you are in need of reaching out or you need to be more intentional about reaching out - this show is for you. We all need each other. I would like to say now more than ever but I’m sure every generation has said the same thing. When we clung to each other for survival we were still probably feeling the pangs of distraction. But now, in a world where independence is encouraged and even celebrated, is the time to understand the power of connections. Showing love and empathy for another human being, being able to communicate with them and share is what makes us human. Let’s not lose that.
Many of us feel the needs of others but are fearful to reach out. “Maybe they don’t want any help, maybe they will think I’m butting-in, why do I think I have all the answers, maybe I should wait until they reach out.”
The flipside is the person needing the help thinks, “I hate to be a bother, maybe they will notice that I’m down, I know they will think I’m a loser if I ask for help or direction, why do I have to be so needy, maybe I should wait until they reach out.”
Now we’ve entered the waiting game.
Wanda Mills, 90 years old and alone wrote a note she put in her neighbor’s mailbox- “Would you consider to become my friend. I’m 90 years old — live alone and all my friends have passed away. I am so lonesome and scared. Please — I pray for someone.
We’ve all passed people sitting alone and have thought, I’m sure they want to be by themselves.
We are social creatures who constantly dream, wonder, and create. Our minds are talking all the time. But when your ideas and conversations are only shared with yourself in your own head, you may have a tendency to exaggerate and create a negative narrative that isn’t even true. According to the National Science Foundation, an average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive thoughts. Think about it, you talk to yourself in your thoughts more than you talk to anyone else.
I would like to think they are all pep-talks and affirmations of gratitude but based on the research, that can’t be true. My guess is a combination of self-doubt, rumination over the past, and a healthy dose of assumptions mixed with worry. Does that pretty well sum it up? Who is there, in your head, to give a differing opinion or to talk you off the cliff? Who is there to give you a pep-talk and tell you everything is going to be alright? If you don’t reach out then its only YOU!
Practicing positive self-talk has to start with an awareness of your current state. How do you feel? Be honest here. It’s easy to say “things are fine”, “I like being by myself, I’m a loner”, “I don’t care what other people think or feel about me”. Even though it’s important to embrace alone time, everyone craves human connection. So it starts with letting go of the defensive shield and being real. How are you?
Take notice of your interactions. How many do you have each week or each day? Are they meaningful or more robotic? It’s easy to go on auto-pilot with our day-to-day and miss so many opportunities to share meaningful moments with another human being. Now, look at your list. Is it possible to be a little more intentional? Go out of your way to connect with another person or make yourself open and available TO connect.
Wanda Mills was not only alone because she lost family members and friends, but she was also alone because she didn’t reach out. People passed her by assuming she didn’t want to be bothered. Are you eating lunch in the corner with your nose buried in a book or your digital device and then wonder why the “gang” doesn’t invite you to coffee or happy hour. Are you taking lunch in your car and wondering why your co-workers don’t see how in pain you are?
Life is passing us by at a rapid rate. People are pulled in a bazillion directions and everyone is struggling with something. You can’t, and I repeat, can’t assume people, even family members, know that you are hurting. You have to open the door to help.
To prime the door, you need to get comfortable with just “meeting” people. It’s hard to ask for help when there is no one to ask. Has your social circle shrunk over time…..life gets busy, you move around, change jobs, dissolve relationships, hyper-focused on children, not comfortable anymore mixing & mingling in the bar scene? All of a sudden you look up and here you are with limited acquaintances and just a few friends.
It might be time to exercise your social muscle and push yourself out there a little more.
Make social exercise a part of your weekly routine. Join a gym but before you stick the headphones in, say hi to a few members. Join a book club - you are exercising your mind and you have a built-in conversation, the book. Want to get outside, join a hiking or biking club. Find something you are interested in and then explore where those people engage in what they like.
The idea is to realize you have the power to change your circumstances today. It’s up to you to harness that power and channel it in the right direction. How can you make a difference? Where can you notice a need for connection?
CHALLENGE: Notice the world around you and those who are suffering. Make it your mission to connect and offer encouragement, guidance, and friendship. Plug into what truly matters and share your light.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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In this fast-paced sea of distraction, we call life, staying focused on what truly matters can be a daily grind. Grind you say? Yes, grind, if you give what truly matters the same level of priority as you do every other mind-numbing activity and task that you feel responsible for. Even what truly matters can seem like a drudge. Are you busy? Why? Have you ever asked yourself that question? Why today, when we have so many time-saving apps, gadgets, processes, and programs do we feel more overwhelmed than ever before? I bet, if we take a deeper look and challenge our current lifestyles we will find a lot of waste and a chance to make things more meaningful.
This is a subject that truly speaks to my heart. Encouragementology is the practice of instilling hope. I created this idea and trademarked the name to make it stand out and I practice it daily to make it real. It’s important to me to connect with people and pursue my mission of helping others connect and receive the benefits of group dynamics.
I have been leading support-style groups for over two years. It wasn’t my first intention. At the time I was creating a way to help women get back in the workforce. I have been a professional person my whole career and knew I had the skills to create resumes, help with interview strategies, attire, motivation, and so on. I collected donations to build a professional women’s closet and I scheduled my first workshop.
That event and that day really set the tone for everything I’ve done to date. As I was taking one of the ladies home that night she got out of my car, turned to me and said, “thank you for making me feel so good about myself today”. That statement opened my eyes. What truly mattered was encouragement. Until that point, I thought I was giving them something they needed like technical help, knowledge, tangible resources, etc. But it was far more than that. We, myself and my volunteers took the time and poured into them what they needed, encouragement. They needed to know they were capable and that someone believed in them before anything else made sense.
We talk a lot about self-motivation, keep calm & carry on, just do it! But first, you have to be encouraged to believe that any of that is possible.
I wanted more. There must be other workshops to reach more people so I created Women Connect. The original intention of this group was to get women together to talk and see what else they might want to know or have help with. That first meeting we had 18 women and what I found was another revelation, they didn’t want anything, just a chance to get together and share with each other. Women Connect in itself is what they wanted. That was over two years ago and we still meet every other Tuesday like clockwork. Each meeting I create a through-provoking topic, deliver some ideas and then everyone has a chance to share. We don’t talk about the weather or politics or anything else that you might share on the surface. We share our goals, dreams, challenges, failures, and successes. When you are a part of something you feel a part of something with a purpose. This group is there for each other and even though everyone goes back to their own lives and careers during the rest of the week, you know you are a part of something deeper, a support system who genuinely cares.
I tell you all this not to toot my horn for such a great idea but to say connections are what matter. Not how many Facebook friends you have or twitter followers, but real-life connections. Your family, true friends, the people you encounter, your co-workers who you spend almost every waking hour with, your neighbors who boarder your daily life, the grocery store clerk who you’ve seen twice a week for a decade. These people all matter and you have an opportunity to reach them in a unique way. Just talk to them. Nurture your human connections and communication. Make it a priority.
Back in the day (I realize that term is so subjective but that’s part of the fun) we used to visit people. We would clean up the kids, bake a pie, load up in the wagon or car (whichever) and go visit someone for a day. The kids would play, we would catch-up on life, share stories, have plenty of laughter and after a good long visit, we would go home.
Then the phone was invented and we started viewing “staying in contact” a little differently. We called to check-up on a regular basis. Birthday calls, holiday calls, good wishes, sympathy, etc. We were missing so many of these important calls we created an answering machine to catch them.
Then we developed texting. Quicker communication that was less invasive. We went from catch-up to a check-up to a check-in. These messages used to be limited to 140 characters but that wasn’t long enough to express our true sentimental or aggressive meaning so now they are unlimited. To add more life and emotion to our string of acronyms, we developed emoticons and loosened our constraints on punctuation. Today a 140 character text message would feel like morse code.
My goal here is not to bash technology. I’ve worked remotely for my company for the last 6 years and couldn’t do what I do daily without technology. I have kept up with people I went to school with, worked with, and met while on vacation. I’ve shared ideas, important moments, support, and laughter that would have never reached as far. With all the positive, I’ve witnessed negative. I’m continually looking for the quick and the easy, I get annoyed when something takes a fraction longer, I skim instead of reading, I can’t stay focused on one thing for too long, I’m nosey worrying what others are up to, and I buy into this illusion that I’m SO BUSY.
I realize aspects of technology save me time, help me stay connected on the fly, and provide an endless data bank of information. I also know that technology distracts me, eliminates the need for critical thinking and problem solving, and makes me lazy. If it weren’t for auto-correct my emails would look like a third-grader sent them. I can feel my brain rushing through, knowing that spellcheck will pick it up if I can just get close enough.
Enough! A better camera and a faster network are not going to solve this, it’s only going to make it worse. How fast is fast enough? Isn’t life already zooming by at unimaginable speeds? How clearly do you need your selfie, you already have every possible filter invented? Enough is enough. We can’t accept this behavior and our impatience as normal or we lower the bar beyond recognition. How much lower can it go? I for one, don’t care to know.
You have the power to make a significant impact on the world every day if you step outside of yourself and look around. Every day we transfer our energy to those we come in contact with. This doesn’t happen through technology but out in the real world when you look at another human being, when you smile, and when you talk. Just as you can transfer energy, you can absorb energy.
What kind of energy do you want to share and receive? You wake up late, frustrated by your schedule and things that were left undone yesterday. You turn on the news or worse, scroll your social feeds and let yourself sink into a sea of negativity which just adds to your increasingly horrible mood. Now you go out and meet your first person, what do you think that energy attack will look like? They might have been one of those few who look for gratitude first thing and now they are infected with your negative energy.
Or…….you wake up with optimism ready to embrace the day. A new day full of new possibilities! You think about all the things you GET to experience today and it helps to fuel your positive energy. You avoid being pulled into gossip and negative opinions all the while harnessing your power. Your first encounter will look much different than the aforementioned. Your intentional and happy to connect. Your positive energy washes over them and no matter where they are in their day and how they feel, they are impacted in a positive way. You’ve changed the trajectory of their day. Now they have the opportunity to pass it on, and so on, and so on.
CHALLENGE: Push back when life seems out of control and lean-in to human connections. Make time for what truly matters in your life, nurture your relationships, and create space to enjoy the world around you.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

RESOURCES
Technology Facts and Stats from Orleans Marketing
Doreen Dodgen-Magee wrote an article about the effects of technology addiction in the Washingon Post.
Hard-Hitting Nature Valley Ad Shows The Terrifying Side Of Kids Addicted To Technology?
Emily Drago published a study on the Effects of Technology on Face-to-Face Communication.

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How can you slow down and let things come to you yet maintain a level of persistence and not give up? It’s a great challenge for all of us and who doesn’t like a challenge? What end of this scale do you struggle with most? Is it different depending on the situation? Let’s test ourselves and see where things get a bit lopsided. Remember, you’re in charge of the way you proceed, the pace & timing as well as the tenacity and grit. Let's find the right recipe for patience & persistence.
Someone once told me I was politely persistent instead of pushy. It might have been one of the nicest descriptions for my efforts. I’ve been in sales virtually my whole life so professionally, I always walk that line. There are outcomes and expectations set for me every year, every quarter, every month. Persistence is a must and patience hard to practice. I feel like politely persistent was a clever way of letting me know that I had found that balance. Professionally, check but personally it’s something I struggle with daily.
For me, the scale is always tipped to persistence. I’m very goal-driven and always willing to put in the work to make things happen and NOW. But the return on investment can be a waiting game and that’s where I fall short. The minute something doesn’t meet my expectations and proposed timeline, I start to self-doubt. Was this really a good idea? Maybe I rushed the process? Maybe it’s not going to work?
The keywords here are “my expectations”. I’m disappointed and doubting my ideas and myself because I couldn’t meet my own expectations. Obviously there is a nugget in there that is begging to be explored but let’s build a visual here. If the scale is tipped and the patience is on the ground where is the persistence? It should be all the way at the top but that isn’t indicative of human nature. When self-doubt creeps in and everything comes to a halt. Instead of pushing harder we drop everything and walk away chalking it up to a bad idea or worse, a measurement of our own effort and worth.
How many times have you hit some resistance and bailed on your idea? How many critics does it take to make you go another way?
Self-confidence is the confidence in your own abilities. You want to know how to do something, you research, learn, practice, and do. You do it over and over with success and now you have confidence in your ability to do that well. You are self-confident when it comes to that.
Self-esteem is the cognitive and emotional appraisal of your own worth. Your self-esteem is directly tied to the way you think, feel, and act. It also determines your relationship with yourself and others.
When I hit a snag and am plagued with a moment of self-doubt I try and stop myself from allowing the worse case scenarios from taking over. Doesn’t that always happen? It’s like a movie playing out. Something doesn’t work as you planned or expected and you start questioning every other aspect. And if it stopped at questioning we’d be ok. We don’t have all the answers at this point so, in a normal scenario, the questions would be left unanswered. But that isn’t good enough, we have to play it out. ..."Then this will happen and then I’m SURE this will happen, and then that certainly won’t so I will lose everything!" Whoa - reel it in and deal with one obstacle at a time.
Part of your plan should include space to handle setbacks. When your timeline is so aggressive and rigid that one NO will throw the whole thing off, you need to add in some wiggle room. During this time you can evaluate your current plan and decide if it’s just a waiting game or you need to re-engineer your approach. You might need to abort it all together and go to Plan B but without time and space and the mental safety net, you might hit the ground hard and give up.
Plan B isn’t going into the journey lacking self-confidence. It’s respecting your vision and fueling your persistence. Why go back to the drawing board? That seems like starting completely over. How about a change of plans - fully thought out plans. This may help keep your self-confidence intact to get you over the hump.
Practicing patience can get you through the long stretches of space. The waiting game. You have a great idea, you’ve done the necessary research and planning, all the i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed but why isn’t anyone as excited about this as you are? What about the plan that has 10 steps but between 4-5 there is a huge gap of unforeseen waiting? Not in your control but yet, you’re waiting. How do you keep your spirits high and soldier on?
Every one of us wants to hit it out of the park on the first swing. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have gotten up to bat. No one starts out on the journey to a life goal wanting to hit adversity, miss milestones, and plan for failure. We want to win!
But taking a step back and gaining a new advantage, might help you see that it’s all part of your life’s plan. Yesterday I was thinking, WOW time is going so quickly! Weeks are flying by which means a year’s end comes before you know it. Someone once said to me, “time must pass quickly for you” - it made me stop and think. What she meant was my life was so full of goals and projects that I never set idle and she was right.
Before I started this topic I told myself that I needed to slow down. I am so focused on timelines and what I have coming up that I’m missing where I am. I don’t want life to pass me by being proud that I hit a milestone with accuracy. I want to enjoy each moment it takes to get there. To do this will require adjusting the timeline and being a little easier on myself.
I think we’ve found the right recipe and are ready to concoct a successful plan! Each idea plays a critical part in us being triumphant. Without a healthy self-concept, this journey will be difficult if at even started. Take time to build a solid plan based on research and the necessary steps to reach each milestone. Build-in space to wait and to listen. Your timing rarely works so don’t get distracted in the silence. Have a Plan B and don’t be afraid to use it.
Enjoy the ride. Don’t be so focused on the end goal that you miss new opportunities and overlook what you have now.
Time is too precious and the only thing we don’t have enough of. Don’t be so hyperfocused on getting ahead that you miss the truly amazing moments that happen every day.
I have an app on my watch that reminds me to breathe - I had one that reminded me to stand up and I already turned that one, off. I also have a sign on my bulletin board that says “drink more water.” I do wish I would look at that one more often. I think I will add one that says “look around”. Sometimes I get so focused on my work that I forget to look up and look around, notice the day, and look outside. This is going to be the start. Just, notice the day.
CHALLENGE: Find a healthy balance. Take an inventory to find where you are depleted or coming up short and tip the scales. Persistence only works when you feel confident in your plan and satisfied in yourself.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Resources:
Fast Company: 7 Habits of Highly Persistent People
Dr. Neel Burton
Adam Sicinski founder of IQ Matrix
Ally Palmer on Tiny Buddha

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Could there really be a code to help us figure this whole thing out? Could we really boil it all down to a few easy steps? Sometimes life blindfolds you, spins you around and hands you a bat. You spend your life whacking away just trying to make it through. But what if there was a key that would unlock a different perspective? Sometimes all it takes is a shift in our thinking and everything looks different. Could it be that simple?
So where did everything start to get cloudy, off-kilter and overly complicated? Can you pinpoint the day that 2 and 2 no longer made 4 but because your thoughts were so deeply rooted in your own belief system, you accepted the answer, right or wrong? It’s hard to land on that very day in our domestication where things just didn’t add up.
You were born perfectly happy, without judgment or bias. As you started to grow, your thoughts, opinions, goals, expectations, and fears were created for you. Your caregivers began to program you with what they knew at that time. They decided what you needed when you were upset, created a reward and denial system to help you understand right from wrong, built your boundaries to help protect you, and taught you how to find love & appreciation while avoiding judgment and rejection. Or at least that was the goal. Don’t touch, that’s hot, get down you might fall, stop running you might get hurt, don’t talk to strangers, be kind to the elderly, stand up for yourself, turn the other cheek and so on. If I hit someone, I get punished, so hitting people must be bad. If I say “please” and “thank you”, I get rewarded. So, being polite must be good.
They also programmed our goals based on social norms. You must get good grades to get into college, you have to go to college to get a good job, you need a good job to find a good partner and get married, you need to have a stable income to have a home, you need a good home to start a family…
As little children, our true nature was to love and be happy, to explore and enjoy life; we were completely authentic. But then we learned to be what others thought we “should” be, and because it’s not okay for us to be what we are, we start pretending to be what we are not. By the time we are teenagers, we’ve learned to judge ourselves, punish ourselves, and reward ourselves according to agreements that we never even chose.
We are now stuck and limited by those beliefs. We’ve made an agreement to believe and protect these ideas at all costs.
how we got here so how can we crack this code and make happiness a reality? How can we get back to that fun-loving child you know the one….the one who thought everything was possible? We have to adopt a new way of thinking and make some new agreements with ourselves.
I recently read and or listened to a book by Don Miguel Ruiz called The Four Agreements and found myself in an AH-HA moment. I have always said you learn by trial and tribulation or by an awakening. Obviously, awakening is much more fun but generally happens later in life. Its often followed by statements like, “Man, I wish I would have learned that earlier” or “Why in the world did it take me so long to get here?”. See most of the time, an awakening is a simple twist on perspective that challenges everything you knew to be true and sheds light on a new way of thinking.
I’ve decided that I need to read more thought-provoking books. I have limited free time so I don’t have the pull to get lost in fiction but would like to spend that time challenging myself with some new ideas. I’ve been a subscriber to Audible for some time and was attempting to work through some big books. All the while my credits were adding up. Now, Audible is great - it’s fun to hear from the actual author in some cases and in others they add musical elements and sound effects to bring the books to life. Lately, I’ve been craving the written word. My eyes have been in “scanning mode” for almost two decades and it’s starting to wear on my ability to concentrate so I decided, touching a book and stringing sentences together was important.
Before I canceled my Audible subscription to make the leap to print, I loaded up my library with my leftover credits. During this self-help grab, I ran across The Four Agreements. I have referenced Don Miguel Ruiz plenty of times and thought this would be a chance to dig a little deeper into his work. The audiobook is a little over 2 hours and the printed book is 138 pages. A testimony to this simplified perspective.
Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves.
The Four Agreements are:Be Impeccable With Your Word.Don't Take Anything Personally.Don't Make Assumptions.Always Do Your Best.
Be Impeccable With Your Word.
You have the power to create love and to spread love through your words, your actions, and your energy. In a world where you may feel weak and helpless to bring about change, remember this power. That power can be used for good and it can just as easily be used for bad by sending out hate, judgment, and negative energy.
Think about how easy it is to get pulled into a gossiping situation, judging others, and making assumptions that support your claims. You have the power to walk away and not participate, protecting yourself and rejecting negativity.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
As a people pleaser, I find this much harder than it sounds. I take everything personally because I feel directly responsible for other people’s comfort and happiness. Now I’ve worked through a lot of this with a considerable amount of research and practice but it is still a knee-jerk reaction. Someone is in a bad mood and my mind wants to go to “what did I do?”. Someone doesn’t show me the amount of attention I feel I deserve or want and I think “What did I do?”. It sounds ridiculous to think that I’m in that kind of control or that everyone’s problems had to have something to do with me.
When I heard this agreement I imagined myself floating over a scene looking down and watching it all play out. I think it was my way of pulling myself out of the direct line of fire and getting a more global view. It really helped. It also helps me to imagine everyone as an adult with the same set of life skills that I have. Everyone is capable of living their life, and good or bad, making their own decisions and guess what, it doesn’t directly affect me. I’m living my life too.
Remember growing up hearing: I'm rubber you're glue, your words bounce off me and stick to you.
Oh if it were that easy. Getting back to that level of disregard starts with a healthy self-concept and self-love which can be found in agreement #1. Being kind to yourself and getting back to our true nature; to love and be happy, to explore and enjoy life; being completely authentic. When we have high regard for ourselves it’s easier to cast off negative attacks and not take things personally.
Don't Make Assumptions.
Not taking anything personally gives you immunity in the interaction that you have with other people, and not making assumptions gives you immunity in the interaction that you have with yourself, with your voice of knowledge, or what we call thinking.
How many times have you started a story and then you end that story with your own assumptions of what “probably happened” or “could have happened”. Before you know it, that’s the story, right or wrong. You tell that story and then others add their assumptions and then before you know it, we aren’t even talking about a real event.
Just as you are making those assumptions, so are others making the assumption about you. Imagine what they must be saying because they don’t have all the facts. How easily a story can be twisted in a negative way with only assumptions to go on.
As you practice being impeccable with your word and not making assumptions - STOP the story where the facts end. I was told this one time and what an awakening. Just be ok with not knowing the end of the story. As humans, that can be a challenge. We have to have a complete story to tell. The problem is, we don’t always use the rosiest of endings.
Always Do Your Best.
What a beautiful concept that can actually take a lot of unnecessary pressure off. Just do your best. Not sure if you’re good enough - just do your best. Worried you can’t complete the task - just do your best. Giving your best no matter how much you have to give at that moment is all you can realistically do. If you give your best, you can have peace of mind knowing you did the best you could do at that moment. What a freeing feeling. I have always used this philosophy when talking about failure. If you did your best and you still failed then you can walk away knowing you did everything possible. If you didn’t give your best, then you left the door open for self-doubt.
In this fast-paced world where the perception is bigger, better, faster, stronger - it’s easy to buy into the unrealistic pursuit of perfection. I hear it all the time, “I’m hard on myself because I want everything to be perfect.” “I’m not satisfied until it’s perfect.”
What if you just had to do your best. Not feeling it today? Just do your best. Not sure you know much about it? Just do your best. If you just do your best, there is no way you can judge yourself. And if you don’t judge yourself there is no way you are going to suffer from guilt, blame, and self-punishment.
If you have done your best and your inner Judge tries to judge you, you’ve got the answer: “I did my best.” There are no regrets. That is why we always do our best. It is not an easy agreement to keep, but this agreement is really going to set you free.
CHALLENGE: Revisit ideas and beliefs that may no longer serve you. Challenge their place and purpose in your life. Sometimes a slight shift of perspective can open up a new world where peace and happiness are in reach.
I Know YOU Can Do It!

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Whether you are hitting it out of the park or barely getting off the bench, this is the show for you. Webster defines success as, accomplishing an aim or purpose. Setting a goal and hitting a target. But what if you could feel successful in your everyday? Just living and breathing and having that feeling of success. Sounds ominous and over the rainbow but, what if? Would you search a little longer for that feeling? Go a little deeper to experience that on a daily basis? I think we need to redefine successful and look at ourselves in a new light.
So, how are you feeling today? Did you wake up on top of the world? The alarm goes off and you popped out of bed, “creator of your own destiny!” Onward and upward. Wouldn’t that be great? First of all to pop out of bed when the alarm goes off, forget all about the destiny stuff for a minute. Are any of us that eager to start the morning? That’s on the to-do, work on popping out of bed.
Or does your morning look a little different? SNOOZE, snooze again, yet again. COFFEE...no talking….more COFFEE. UGH, the list is already a mile long with all the things I failed to accomplish yesterday. How will I ever feel successful when I can’t seem to accomplish anything?!?
WOW ok, if your morning looks like that, we need a redefinition STAT!
Let’s start with expectations and potentially, unrealistic ones.
Alexander Pope said: “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
Have you ever wondered why we set our expectations too high? It’s great to challenge yourself and push yourself out of your comfort zone but what do we expect a big payoff every time? Sometimes the expectations we have for ourselves were actually created by someone else.
Your parents expected you to sit up straight, be home early, get good grades, be quiet, clean your room, clean your plate, find a good partner, settle down, have a family, contribute to society, ….already I’m exhausted and those aren’t even my own! What happens when we pile all of ours on top? No wonder life can feel overwhelming and we can’t seem to get anything accomplished.
What if we let go of all the expectations we’ve been drowning in and swim back to shore free from them all? What if we started over and created our own set of expectations specifically for us right now. How would they look?
I expect to get enough sleep to re-energize my body and renew my mind
I expect kind words from myself and those around me
I expect challenges and will accept the outcome knowing I tried my hardest
I expect nothing but what I have to give at that moment
I expect to be loved and will start by loving myself
If we created our own expectations in this manner the feeling of success would come much easier because we are setting ourselves up for success instead of failure.
Ok, you’ve done it, you‘ve accomplished your goal, you’ve hit your target now what? Why can we do everything right and yet we still don’t feel successful? What’s missing? The feeling.
When goals are expectations set by someone else or society in general then we don’t have an emotional connection to them and the feeling we are looking for won’t be as strong if even felt at all. We need to feel something for what we are trying to do or we won’t feel anything at all.
Remember the swim back to shore and the re-engineering for expectations? It’s time to do the same before you take aim. Make sure where you are going is where you want to go so when you get there you can experience that feeling. Life can’t just be one drudge after another always moving the carrot further away. Sometimes you are sprinting, sometimes walking, sometimes you are on your hands and knees crawling.
Are you waiting for retirement before the fun begins? Did you buy into the concept of working your entire life, scrimping and saving so that you could do whatever you wanted to do? Is that success? My visual of that is dragging my beat up and broken self across some fictitious finish line only to collapse on the other side.
What if…..you could have successful events and mini celebrations along the way? What if you could retire while you’re still working for what you want.
Christopher D. Connors from Medium says it may actually improve our lives. Love what you do. Live for what you do. Pour your heart, soul and all you’ve got into it. But for goodness sake, celebrate yourself when it’s merited and deserved.
But by all means, celebrate what you’ve accomplished. Don’t get self-conscious. Don’t get into the whole false-humility thing. Celebrate yourself when you’ve done something great.
CHALLENGE: Celebrate YOU. Not for all your goals accomplished but for the fact that you are here, giving it all you got! Redefine success and find gratitude in the journey, not just the destination.
I Know YOU Can Do It!

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What are you waiting for? How many times have you asked yourself that question, frustrated by your lack of motivation, unclear vision, or blatant self-sabotage? It’s easy to bury your head in the sand and wait for that “special delivery” you know the one - the awesome opportunity that just falls in your lap? Still, waiting huh? Maybe your awesome opportunity was gobbled up by someone who was tracking down the driver instead of waiting for the doorbell to ring? Better yet, be the inventor, the designer, the production, and the deliverer of your own destiny.
So what is it going to take to make someday, today? We can make excuses all day long and justify every failed attempted but let’s be real, what are you waiting for? It’s important to be honest with yourself, peel back the excuses and get to the root of the problem. If you want to go somewhere, anywhere, but can’t seem to take the first step, guess what, next year you will still be here. RIGHT HERE, in this exact same spot. It doesn’t happen unless you make it happen.
Oh sure, sometimes you stumble on an amazing opportunity, a gift really. However, if you don’t snag it, POOF, it’s gone. It still takes you. With your head down singing the “Whoa is me” theme song you run a real risk of not even seeing the opportunity. So let’s not wait one second longer. And just in case you are waiting to see what’s at the end of that rainbow? Newsflash, you will never reach the end of the rainbow for two reasons. The first is because it’s an optical effect, it moves as you move and so you can never reach the bottom. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, a rainbow is really a circle, it’s just that we only see half of it.
What’s your favorite objection? Come on, let’s be honest - what do you say the gives you justification for NOT NOW, MAYBE LATER? That’s right we all have them. I’ve got my go-to’s for the gym, eating healthy, cleaning out my closet etc. Before we can overcome these objections we have to understand why we are self-sabotaging in the first place.
Ready to get out of your own way? Sometimes WE’RE the ones making everything so difficult. You get an idea of something you want to do and seconds later, you’ve talked yourself out of it. Self-doubt is a powerful critic and given the chance, it will zap your confidence and make you regret even having a dream. Where does it come from and how can we make it stop? Just like self-sabotaging, you have to recognize you are doing it to put a stop to it. Self-doubt can be deeply rooted so don’t think you can catch it and squash it overnight. But if you want to finally get over the hump and on your way to realizing your goals, you have to take it seriously.
At one point or another, we will all find ourselves experiencing some sort of self-doubt; it’s part of being human.
It’s easy to recognize your faults. Instead of positive daily affirmations, I’m sure your mantra sounds more like; You need to exercise, you’re lazy, you’re getting fat, look at those wrinkles, you don’t have anything cool to wear, you don’t know enough to add to the conversation, you should keep your mouth shut, you can’t do that, you’re too slow, you’re not smart enough. STOP!
Why not start with ONE thing you truly value about yourself. Go deeper than something monetary or a physical attribute. Something about your moral character. Understanding your worth will go along way in giving you the confidence to go for it.
Here are some of mine:
I love that I’m fearless - not with skydiving or snake charming but imagining anything is possible
I love that I believe everyone likes me - it makes it so easy to approach anyone with a smile.
I love that my mind is always inventing
I love that I see the good in people first
CHALLENGE: Ask yourself the question and respond with honesty, “What are you waiting for?”. Take the time to peel back the excuses to find the underlying reason you haven’t gone for it! Make someday, today and make a radical move forward.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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What are you clutching so tightly? Control, perceptions, limited believes, expectations, guilt, or shame? Has your focus been less than laser because you’re worried about loosening your grip and letting go? In a world full of multi-tasking melodramas, what a weird feeling it would be to be free. Free from the pressures of propping up the world. Free from searching for positivity while absorbing, classifying, and managing negativity. Free from society’s expectations to look, act, and be someone who you aren’t. Free from the heaviness of regret. How free would it be to just let go?
Are you ready to go with the flow? Sounds easy enough right? Why then do we create obstacles for ourselves? Imagine a river current, beautiful, rapid, motivated. Now let’s throw in a dead log of shame, some out of control brush, unrealistic expectation boulders, and why not top it off with a powerful perception undertow. Are you getting down that thing in one piece? Doesn’t sound like an enjoyable ride, does it?
To go with the flow you have stop fighting, loosen your grip on the things you are dragging behind you, and let go!
Our minds get clouded with misconceptions and convince our hearts that we are right in our feelings. In some ways, we know that line of thinking is somewhat upside down but the “What-ifs” keep us from truly being able to let go and walk away. What if they need me? What if they can’t go it alone? What if the naysayers are right? What if I really am a failure? What if they think I’m selfish? What if no one likes the real me?
What does it take to be classified as a “good day” in your book? Easy morning routine, traffic was non-existent, got a great parking space, work was easy, hitting targets, getting noticed, great lunch, good conversation, children behaved, homework was easy, bedtime was a breeze, and I fell right to sleep. Let’s say you have a hiccup in that perfect schedule of events? Just throw a wrench in any one of them.
Overslept
Out of coffee
Traffic due to construction
Best spots were taken
Challenging projects
Boss showed disappointment
Lunch was subpar
The watercooler was a bunch of negative Nellies
Children were defiant
Homework felt like college-level
No one wanted to go to bed but me!
I tossed and turned most of the night
How would you describe your day if even one of these things happened? Challenging? Horrible? A complete mess?
My point is, one negative event gets all the power and always trumps the good. Unless you make an intentional effort to notice, clarify, and quantify.
Notice: What actually happened. Now, stick to the facts here. No embellishing.
Clarify: How big of a deal was this negative event and be honest here. An annoyance, costly, harmful, dangerous? We can tend to have the “sky is falling” type mentality for anything that presents a challenge.
Quantify: if you listed all the events of your day how much good can you list that will outweigh the bad? Don’t give one bad event the power to crush the good.
Let’s change our thinking for a minute. What if, the whole world isn’t against you? What if you are being propelled through the bad with all the good? What if opportunities keep presenting themselves because you are meant to succeed? What if your challenges and the way you’ve overcome them have been an inspiration to someone else?
Are we starting to see that freedom is possible? “Yeah I’m free...but.” No buts allowed in a freedom speech. If you were about to attach a condition to your but, just back away. You aren’t free yet. We need to unpack some more things, purging the bad to find the good.
An emerging theme here is control and your lack of. You can’t control another person. We all have choices and right or wrong, we will all make them and no matter what you do, life goes on. You can’t control past events. Sometimes we get hurt and sometimes we hurt others. Since the past is just that, past tense, all we can do is learn from the mistake because life goes on. You can’t control someone else’s expectations of you. All you can do is be the best you, and life goes on.
What would happen if none of that mattered? If it was just you, living your best life. Sounds glorious huh?
Where you lack control you do possess power. The power to make real changes in your life and the lives of those around you. Doing the work to free yourself from the things that have you trapped will fuel your power over the positive.
Once unencumbered you have the power to:
Change your perception. You can see the positive first. You can challenge limiting beliefs and test your abilities. You can rewrite your ending. You can choose to believe in your strengths while embracing your weaknesses.
Forgive yourself. You can revisit your failures looking for the lessons. You can give yourself permission to move on. You can use your experiences to help others overcome challenges. You can be kind to yourself.
Impact others in a positive way. You can choose to send out positive energy letting go of negativity. You can encourage someone without even knowing their story. You can help others see the blessings over the challenges.
Live your best life. You can start giving priority to your wants, needs, and desires. You can explore new territory, meeting new people, and learn new things. You can start putting yourself first.

CHALLENGE: Accept your lack of control and embrace the power you possess to challenge, change, and let go. Allow your mind to float unencumbered and take you to places only you can go when you are free to live your best life!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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Happy New Year! Happy NEW Year full of possibilities. A chance to start fresh, wipe the slate clean, another chance to do things you’ve always wanted to do. One year = 365 possibilities…and hey, this is a leap year so you actually have 366!! I’ve said, written, texted, and bitmojed “Happy New Year” to everyone I’ve come in contact with. I’ve heard the quintessential resolutions; This is going to be the best year yet!”, “I wish you nothing but the best!”, “Health and prosperity for all!”. How can you maintain this momentum after the party is over? Let’s look at ways to go beyond the resolution.
How many times have you used the start of a new year to give you the momentum to make it over the hump? It’s electric! Everyone stays up late, in some cases, champagne is flowing, glitz, glam, music, party favors, and even a countdown. Sounds like the right recipe right? The clock strikes 12 and there are hugs, kisses, and high-fives. We made it! Made it through another year, brought it to a close, moved the calendar forward, and now we have a chance to do something new.
Jan 2nd of course. I don’t think any of us are fooling ourselves to think goals are put into action at noon on the day after a mind-blowing holiday. That day is for sleeping in, reflecting, eating some ham & beans, and get ready...to get ready. By then, however, you have your resolutions in mind. What you are going to do differently from the start. A goal to jump-start your year. What’s yours? How and when do you determine your new year’s resolution?
This weekend I witnessed a family creating theirs together and toasting after each one. One was to travel more, finish a project, take a class, but the best was the Mother who wanted to lose 20 lbs and was willing to give each person $500 if she missed the goal. I almost spoke up to get a piece of that action!
What crazy resolutions and conditions have you made? What is your normal time limit?
Matt and I make annual goals with quarterly targets. We do this with a lot of thought and not toasting at midnight. I have a journal book that I keep our year-end list and goals for next year. It so fun to check things off and see how much you’ve actually accomplished and then brainstorm about what’s next. Our goals have more to do with developing our businesses but could include things like, meet new people, read more books (set a goal for the amount) or travel to a destination.
I know better than to profess a grand weight loss attempt or even to increase my workout or for me, to just start working out. FAIL. I have done the looser and more broad versions, to get more exercise and to eat healthier. So subjective but if you squint, I might have accomplished that one. Last year it was to stop feeling guilty about not wanting to do those things. I’m actually close to mastering that one.
CNN Health says to:
Make it specific - Eating better and exercising more are all nice ideas, but they're too general and don't give you a plan of action.
Make it possible - Avoid resolutions that sound great but are unattainable. In fact, make them something you will enjoy.
Allow yourself to fail - Everyone screws up. Expect to have occasional slips. But don't let the occasional missed exercise class or Friday workplace donut throw you off course.
Set yourself up for success - Know your limitations. If you're avoiding sweets in the new year skip the bakery aisle at the grocery.
Know yourself - Decide the type of person you want to be, then prove it to yourself with small wins over time.
Make it public - If you're surrounded by supportive friends and family, making your goals public and asking for accountability can help.
Show don't tell your children - Parents can open the door to a conversation with their children about resolutions by talking about their own reflections and hopes for the new year.
Change it up - Instead of being overwhelmed with one big goal consider a year of 12 monthly micro-resolutions.
Goals are important. Looking ahead and finding ways to improve, learn, and grow is important. But goals shouldn’t be only thought about or confined to the first quarter of every new year. However, breaking a big goal into quarters is an easy way to easily digest a major milestone. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with your already busy 9 to 5, day-to-day by trying to find the time to “improve” yourself. But focusing on just 90 days at a time can seem more manageable. So pick a goal, something with a little more wiggle room that you can tweak, adjust, or clarify as you go. Then look at all the steps you need to go through to hit that goal. These could be logistical, financial, personal, or emotional. Make a map for your plan of action and create quarterly milestones.
Now you have a reasonable and achievable process with built-in destinations for celebrating your wins! Go You!
It’s important to find an accountability partner to give you constructive feedback while keeping your focused. Share your quarterly plan and then meet regularly to check your progress, strategize to overcome any challenges, and modify the plan when appropriate. Oh yeah and don’t forget, to celebrate with you when milestones are met. That’s so important!
Ok, I’m sure by now, you are feverishly writing down your goals, your milestones, and even some pitfalls to be mindful of but let’s go back. I want to go back to 11:58PM on Dec 31st when the music was picking up, people were getting closer together, and glasses were being raised. I want to remember that feeling. The feeling of accomplishment, of comradery, and of hope. We were celebrating together, whether at home or at a fancy party, we were all in sync wishing our friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, and even strangers a Happy New Year. Wishing them well and encouraging them with the hope of a happy new year.
How can we keep that same feeling of hope and love for our fellow human beings throughout the year? Beyond the resolution? At that moment we weren't thinking of politics and how they divide us. We weren’t thinking about religion and what defines us. We weren’t thinking about race or gender and what separates us. We were thinking about hope and how it binds us all together.
At that moment, through the excitement, it was natural but to maintain that all-encompassing feeling throughout the year, you will have to be intentional. Each day we are hit with joy-stealing, hope-crushing opposition. So as you are creating your goals and developing your action plan, remember that feeling. When you are met with the ghost of year’s past, the one that continues to divide, define, and separate us, remember that feeling.
Together, we are so much stronger and productive. Hope exists to help motivate us to see opportunity, to believe in possibility, and to strive for better. Encouragement is the fuel. Tell someone they can do it, tell them that you believe in them, tell them they deserve all life has to offer and then some!
CHALLENGE: Remember those feelings that unite us instead of those that divide us. Harness the excitement of a new year full of possibilities and use it as fuel to get over the hump of self-doubt. Reach out when you need encouragement and inspiration - you might just be that, for someone else.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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We exist on this earth for an undetermined period of time. During that time we do a lot of things. Some of these things are important. Some of them are unimportant. And those important things give our lives meaning and happiness. The unimportant ones basically just kill time. We all have things we like and stuff we enjoy doing but how can you discover your purpose through your passion? How can you tap into what drives you while leaving the biggest impact and imprint?
So when people say, “What should I do with my life?” or “What is my life purpose?” what they’re actually asking is: “What can I do with my time that is important?”
Let’s take it on back as I frequently enjoy doing. Let’s revisit your childhood joys. Remember when life was carefree and you had time to dream and wonder? For some of us, it might take a moment to conjure up such a peaceful time in our lives. What did you enjoy doing? It might be easy to cast off climbing trees or playing in the mud but stay with me. What did you see yourself doing when you grew up...you know before someone told you it was impossible, you aren’t smart enough, get your head out of the clouds or that will never happen.
What if you could ask our 8-year-old self that question again. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Haily Miller, the blogger from Everygirl has a few questions to get us started on this journey and I’m going to answer them on my end….you get ready to do the same.
When do you forget to look at your phone?
When I’m exploring new places
When I’m connecting with new people
When I’m creating - bringing and idea, concept, or product together
What were things you loved to do as a kid?
Build businesses
Host plays
Anything theatrical or dramatic (roleplay)
What feels like active meditation?
Helping someone
Presenting new ideas
Art
What lights you up?
Anything creative (art, music, theater)
Meeting new people
Developing a new idea
What would you do if money didn’t matter?
Create art
Volunteer more hours
Travel
Now, look at your answers to uncover a common thread or theme. Looks like for me it’s creating something, meeting new people, and exploring. What about you?
Now take another step back and look at the bigger picture. Experience in life gives you a broader perspective and you have a better vantage point to see how this passion might fit into the world. Sometimes it’s not so specific but a direction you should explore. Sometimes its how your passion makes you feel or how it encourages others instead of the actual act itself.
I found my purpose a little over 2 years ago. That isn’t to say it wasn’t always there or that I wasn’t exercising it to some degree earlier but until 6 years ago my journey was dictated by my ever-evolving life...trying to get somewhere, marriage, child, still trying to get somewhere, child, career change, multiple moves, still trying to get somewhere, another child, another career change, more moves, life delivered blow, another blow, life-altering change, career change…..etc. You see where I’m going right? I’m sure most of you can identify with a lot of that. It’s hard to zero in on your purpose or even fully embrace your passion when you are too busy trying to stay afloat and did I mention, trying to get somewhere.
When I empty nested I decided to put myself first and really figure out who I was and what I wanted. A big part of both was where, when, and how I could give back. See my passion was people. I love people. I love to meet people, be around people, learn, study, and interview people and help people. Whatever I decided to do had to incorporate my love for people.
But before I could do any of that, I had to figure out who I was, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I had to face my failures, admit my responsibility, forgive myself, find the lesson, and move on healthier and committed to being happier. To truly feel for another person is to have empathy. And to possess the ability to put yourself in another person shoes is to first identify with your own.
Take some time for yourself, quiet time, where you can reflect on the different seasons in your life. What went smoothly and where did you hit opposition? Think about each of the challenges and really look at them. Sometimes we justify or make excuses to make a bumpy road more smooth but covering up the past isn’t dealing with it allowing you to move on. It just stays buried but shallow, just below the surface and can make embracing new ideas and new opportunities more challenging.
Ask yourself this question, is there anything I could do to change that event for a more desirable outcome? The answer might be yes if you could develop a time machine but today, is there anything you can do? If not, you have your answer. However, we are human and a logical answer isn’t always good enough. What could you glean from that experience that could positively impact your future? If you can’t change it you might as well learn from it. It isn’t always about avoiding it in the future it’s about changing your trajectory altogether.
Obviously, the road to self-forgiveness and self-discovery isn’t short or straight and it isn’t the clearest path at certain times of your life but it’s always rewarding. Living a joyful life free to be yourself and connect with others in an authentic and loving way is the ultimate goal. Tapping into your purpose through discovering your passion is the big payoff. Remember, it may not be ONE BIG thing but multiple facets of who you are so don’t get discouraged looking for the gold at the end of the rainbow.
How could you take this desire, this passion and impact the world? Giving back is as self-nourishing as it is paying it forward. Find a problem you care about and start solving it. Just start! There are loads of great ideas and tons of compassion but until you activate your purpose and start pouring into other people, then it’s just good intentions and in this case, it ISN’T the thought that counts.
Where to get started? Well, that’s half the fun! Look for a chance to jump in and then GO! Here’s a little secret, the world is in desperate need of volunteers and until you ask or respond when asked you will never experience the true reward.
Obviously, you’re not going to fix the world’s problems but you can contribute and make a difference. And that feeling of making a difference is ultimately what’s most important for your own happiness and fulfillment.
CHALLENGE: Remove self-doubt and free yourself to dream a little. Don’t lose sight of the wonder your true-self had before life said no. Uncover ways to harness the joy you receive from discovering your purpose to positively impact the world.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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Are you a list maker? Do you think about your day, week, or month listing all the things you have to get accomplished? Where are you on that list? It’s so easy to get swept up in helping everyone else, making sure they have what they need only to forget yourself in the process. As with everything, you may have to be intentional. How many times do you say “I really need to start taking better care of myself”....”I really need some ME time”. What prevents you from acting on it?
We hear it all the time, it’s about time you start focusing on yourself. Your wants, needs, and desires. But to someone who is trying to juggle it all, that just sounds like white noise, an unattainable utopia. Maybe it’s for people who already have it all together. Maybe it’s after you take care of everything and everyone. Maybe it’s for the elite, the privileged. Nope, it’s for you and it’s for right now. You just have to create a healthy balance and make yourself a priority.
Maybe guilt prevents you from shifting the focus. Do you feel guilty when you spend, energy, and resources that make you happy? Do you feel selfish for even the idea of putting yourself first?
Six years ago I started to explore this whole idea of putting myself first. Until this point, I put my work first, closely followed by family responsibilities, and trying to control everything and everyone else. I literally felt like I had a million plates spinning and each of them as important as the next. I know many of you feel this way and had I been able to see it then or listened to someone pointing it out, I would have been able to make some changes. So much of life unfolds through revelations after trials and tribulations. I’m hoping that we can shed some light on life’s little challenges and you can find alternative solutions sooner rather than later. But, some things just have to be experienced.
I felt like I couldn’t put anything down or everything would fail. See I thought I had the power to control these situations and as a result, felt the responsibility. But you see, I didn’t. I could have dropped those plates and my life would have been the same, better in fact. Less stress, less anxiety, less heartbreak. Their lives would have been better, more accountability, more responsibility, more life lessons, and more growth. Remember I said, life unfolds through revelations after trials and tribulations. If I try and control, fix, and solve - who’s learning what?
So I started letting go and creating more time and space to focus on what I could control ME. Turns out I had a lot of really good ideas and I totally got myself, no learning curve there or issues with communication, I just wasn’t listening before.
I started out rediscovering who I was and what I liked, cherished, and valued. If you have spent your time living for other people chances are you’ve lost touch with those attributes, what makes you, you.
Now that you have the “why”, what about the how? Well, it isn’t a switch you can flip tonight as you head to bed. They call it a journey for a reason. Somedays you will be slow to move, almost crawling and other days you will catch a head-wind and make up ground. The fun is in learning who you are and discovering what makes you unique. Still, you might find making yourself and your new-found self-discovery mission a priority, a struggle. Life gets in the way. Remember those spinning plates? At different seasons they can pick up speed and content.
Be intentional. Schedule yourself in the mix and give YOU the same weight or more as you do everyone else. Ready to shift focus?
Challenge: Life keeps moving at the same pace whether you are running ahead or running trying to catch up. Remember the tortoise and the hare? Create a daily ritual where you cross something important to YOU off your priority list. One a day will quickly add up and this will be one habit you cherish.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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