Stable Moments Podcast: Recent Episodes
Rebecca Britt
The show where we discuss all things related to the foster care system and early childhood trauma. From foster parents, trauma experts, former foster kids and beyond, we’ll take a deep dive into the complexities of the foster care crisis in an effort to better understand how to fix it!
Many parents, mentors, and program directors feel the need to fix the foster kids we serve. It’s natural, but we don’t fix here, so I’m going to dive into what we do do, and how we can support everyone while just being in the thick of it.
Being both flexible and structured are big parts of the Stable Moments model…but wait, how can you be flexible AND structured? The truth is, kids, and most humans need a whole bunch of things…but we like to come up with blanket approaches - it’s easier for us. It’s actually the reason for our divisiveness and polarity as a country - many of us see one right answer, but it isn’t that simple. Many things can be true at the same time, and our approach has to offer more than one answer, especially to children in #fostercare with #complextrauma needs So what does being both flexible and structured look like? I am so glad you asked. Check out this month's podcast episode where I break it all down for you.
I got my first hate mail, attacking the Stable Moments model saying we're causing more trauma by allowing people who aren't credentialed to work with kids with complex trauma needs. In this episode, I read you the message and respond, letting you know we are all good enough to play an active role in the lives of these children.
In this episode, we talk about how to use your feelings as a guide to work on the things within yourself that need healing so you can show up fully for those you were created to serve!
Ángela Quijada-Banks, (she/her) is an NAACP Image Awards Nominee and American Award-winning author of the Black Foster Youth Handbook. As a transformational speaker, she has touched thousands with her message to alchemize your pain to purpose and power. Through her holistic health coaching she supports spiritual wives in business to heal their acne, recover from iron deficiency anemia and prioritize their well-being without the sacrifice of their relationships,purpose or passions. As a nationally recognized community leader and philanthropist, she started the Soulful Liberation movement, impacting over 30,000 people to revolutionize historically oppressive systems through holistic health and healing trauma with coaching, workshops, training, and programming. She is currently writing a new book set to release September 2022. Soulful Liberation movement ( workshops and trainings ) : www.soulfulliberation.com The Black Foster Youth Handbook & I Am Success workbook-youth companion guide : www.soulfulliberation.com/books Ángela’s portfolio: www.originalsoulflower.com Holistic health coaching for spiritual wives in business: www.angelaquijadabanks.com
Join us as we sit down with Marla Higginbotham to learn about the Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) program and how you can get involved in this important work. With CASA programs across the country, everyone can become a CASA.
**Marla has spent the last 20+ years working in the nonprofit sector helping shape public policy initiatives focused on both community engagement and children’s education and well-being. After a successful 4 years as Executive Director CASA for Union County, Marla took the helm as Executive Director with CASA for Children of Essex County in NJ. Marla joined the CASA network from Jersey Cares where she was Senior Director of Operations and Foundation Relations. Marla is a former mediator/arbitrator for New Jersey’s Alternative Dispute Resolution Unit and has served on the Board of Trustees for The Montclair Kimberley Academy. She received a law degree from the University of Cincinnati, College of Law and an undergraduate degree in Urban Studies and Political Science from Northwestern University in Evanston, IL.
Facebook @EssexAdvocates**
Insta @casa_essex
Twitter @EssexCASA
Shenandoah Chefalo is a graduate of Michigan State University, holding a Bachelor of Arts with a Major in Interdisciplinary Studies in Social Science, a Certified Coach, and a member of the Foster Leaders Movement. She is a sought after speaker on topics surrounding youth in foster care and the science and impact of trauma and resilience on various social issues; She is also the President and Owner of Chefalo Consulting: Trauma-Informed Specialist that helps private, governmental, and public organizations implement sustainable trauma-informed strategies that are focused on learning new skills as well as organizational culture changes and shifts. She has been featured as a consultant and trainer nationally and internationally.
After spending nearly 20 years as a Law Office Administrator, Shenandoah became unsettled by the ever-revolving door of people into the criminal justice system and set out to find a way to change it.
A survivor and alumni of the foster care system, Shenandoah Chefalo is also the co-founder of the #4600andCounting, a grass-roots movement to bring awareness and change to the missing youth of foster care.
In addition to her multiple award-winning book, Garbage Bag Suitcase, she also wrote an e-book entitled Setting Your Vision and Defining Your Goals and is also working on her next manuscript, Hiking for Stillness.www.garbagebagsuitcase.com
Shenandoah Chefalo is a graduate of Michigan State University, holding a Bachelor of Arts with a Major in Interdisciplinary Studies in Social Science, a Certified Coach, and a member of the Foster Leaders Movement. She is a sought after speaker on topics surrounding youth in foster care and the science and impact of trauma and resilience on various social issues; She is also the President and Owner of Chefalo Consulting: Trauma-Informed Specialist that helps private, governmental, and public organizations implement sustainable trauma-informed strategies that are focused on learning new skills as well as organizational culture changes and shifts. She has been featured as a consultant and trainer nationally and internationally.
After spending nearly 20 years as a Law Office Administrator, Shenandoah became unsettled by the ever-revolving door of people into the criminal justice system and set out to find a way to change it.
A survivor and alumni of the foster care system, Shenandoah Chefalo is also the co-founder of the #4600andCounting, a grass-roots movement to bring awareness and change to the missing youth of foster care.
In addition to her multiple award-winning book, Garbage Bag Suitcase, she also wrote an e-book entitled Setting Your Vision and Defining Your Goals and is also working on her next manuscript, Hiking for Stillness.www.garbagebagsuitcase.com
We work under the assumption that everyone is doing their very best. We know it's easy to point fingers at the foster system, the kids, the parents. If you believe that everyone is doing their best, it allows us to communicate with empathy instead of judgment.
Beth Tyson, MA, is a psychotherapist, childhood grief and trauma expert, and a children's book author.
She recently co-authored and released a new book - The Parenting Odyssey: Trials, Treasures, and Triumphs of Parenting in a Pandemic. The purpose of the book is to reduce isolation for those parenting in a pandemic by sharing heartfelt testimonials and stories from real parents.
Get the book
http://www.bethtyson.com
Facebook Group: Emotiminds
IG https://www.instagram.com/bethtyson_traumacare/
In this episode, Leah shares how education helped her make it through years in foster care and how being ill-equipped to raise her brothers led her to start Fostering Greatness, Inc - an organization helping foster youth transition into healthy adulthood.
Leah's strongest desire in life is to share her own story in expectation of encouraging those that have been affected by the many facets of foster care and to instill the message of hope that anyone can become successful despite any adversities that may be present. She attributes her continuous development and achievements to her faith in God and the support of her family and friends.
Website: https://fosteringgreatnessinc.org/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FGreatnessInc
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leah-angel-daniel/
In this episode I sit down with Naomi Riley to discuss how the Foster Care System, Family Courts, and Racial Activists Are Wrecking Young Lives. Naomi argues that our focus on reunification has built a system that is more accomidating of adults than protective of kids.
Naomi Schaefer Riley is a resident fellow at the American Enterprise Institute focusing on issues regarding child welfare as well as a senior fellow at the Independent Women’s Forum. She also writes about parenting, higher education, religion, philanthropy and culture.
She is a former columnist for the New York Post and a former Wall Street Journal editor and writer, as well as the author of seven books, including, “No Way to Treat a Child: How the Foster Care System, Family Courts, and Racial Activists Are Wrecking Young Lives".Get her book: https://www.amazon.com/No-Way-Treat-Child-Activists/dp/164293657X
Check out her resources: https://www.nowaytotreatachildbook.com/
Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/naomi-schaefer-riley-74285067/
In this episode we sit down with Jacqui Jackson to discuss how we can use strategic prayer to alleviate suffering for children in foster care. Jacqui Jackson, M.Ed, is CEO of Ignite Hope, a former Foster Child, International Adoptee, and a mother to Adoptive and Biological children alike. She is a passionate advocate for the right of every child to have a safe family and executes this calling by speaking within the church and legislatively on the ways we can all impact the plight of the Vulnerable Children.
You can find out more about Ignite hope at http://www.ignitehope.online
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Ihope4orphans/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ihope4orphans/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChxBTAWd8_94AZ49WC3QIgg
The P.A.C.E. framework teaches us to be playful, accepting, curious and empathetic. Jessica Sinarski is a highly sought-after therapist, author, and speaker. Extensive post-graduate training and 15+ years as a clinician and educator led her to create BraveBrains , a resource and training platform for home, school, and community. She makes brain science practical, helping parents and professionals become healers for hurting children.
Join us while we chat with the Founder of The Behavior Hub Lauren Spielmyer. She shares her four part framework to teaching emotional literacy and regulation that work well for children with complex trauma as it takes how the brain works into its approach.
Over the past 10 years, she has helped SOOOO many people learn about the brain and how it impacts learning and emotional well-being, which in turn changes behavior. With her master's degree in education, professorship at University of Pennsylvania and running The Behavior Hub, she thrives on building brain and research-based, child-driven trainings and courses with the whole child in mind.
Check out her work:
https://www.thebehaviorhub.com/
Courses: https://the-behavior-hub.teachable.com/courses
Discovery calls: https://calendly.com/thebehaviorhub/discovery-calls
Podcast: https://www.thebehaviorhub.com/press
FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/raisingandteachingrespectfulchildren
IG: https://www.instagram.com/thebehaviorhub/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLo-tqelGiN0eQaiRGG83xA
Ginger sits down with us to discuss her work as a Social Worker, Adoptive Mom, Parenting Program Director and now co-host of the podcast from Attachment Trauma Network, Regulated and Relational.
Check out the podcast anywhere you listen to podcasts and make sure to subscribe.
Join us while Natalie Chavis Fisher takes us into adoption court to show us how the opioid epidemic is impacting the foster care crisis.
Natalie is a best-selling author, third-generation attorney and executive producer for the feature documentary Foster Care: Perfect Imperfection. She is a leading expert in foster care adoption committed to helping improve the lives of vulnerable children and their caretakers. Natalie believes broken systems break children and has dedicated her life to help foster healing. She has been honored with the Congressional “Angel in Adoption” award for her work in child welfare.
Natalie has practiced foster care adoption law for twenty years. Within this time, she has helped thousands of foster children solidify their “forever homes”. Natalie previously served as a Deputy Prosecutor in the child support division and as a Public Defender in the dependency and neglect division of the Marion County, Indiana court system.
Natalie prides herself in helping adoptive and kinship parents understand the dynamic nuances of foster care adoption. One of the ways she has accomplished this task is through her short novel with a big impact, Adopting Tiger.
https://www.amazon.com/Adopting-Tiger-Chavis-Fisher/dp/0999456008
Natalie received her BS in Business Management from Purdue University, where she was a varsity track and field hurdler and where she became a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. Natalie received her MBA and JD from Indiana University in Bloomington.
Natalie was born and raised in Indianapolis, Indiana. She is married with two step children.
To learn more about Natalie, please visit:
www.chavisfisher.com
Facebook, Instagram and Twitter: @ChavisFisher
Tiffany Sudela-Junker is mother by adoption to two children with vastly different trauma-based special needs.
With her own growth process as an example, Tif mentors and advocates for a “empathy + connection before correction” approach to parenting. Stressing EXTRA empathy, mindfulness, humor, attunement, self-compassion and reciprocal atonement as key ingredients to helping tough kids achieve higher function and healthy relationships.
Through stories of struggle and lessons learned with her brilliant, challenging and hilarious children, Tif raises awareness and an authentic understanding for the EXTREME neurology, behavior, circumstances, and the emotional strength found in families struggling to overcome the aftermath of childhood trauma.
Check out Tif's resources at http://www.xparenting.com
Follow on instagram
Join us as Ce Eshelman, LMFT walks us through how to discover what happened in our childhood and how that impacts how we show up to working with children today.
Ce Eshelman, LMFT, is an attachment specialist, author, and founder of The Attach Place Center for Strengthening Relationships. With 27 years of experience and training in marriage and family therapy, she began specializing in attachment and trauma healing 18 years ago after adopting her two children from the foster care system.
In March 2016, Ce published Drowning with My Hair on Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents. It is a compilation of supportive letters to adoptive parents designed for daily inspirational reading.
Join the Love Matters Parenting Society at https://www.lovemattersparenting.com/love-matters-parenting-society-membership-home
Facebook: @TheAttachPlace
Steve always knew he wanted a family. Raised catholic he grew up thinking he was destined to marry a woman and have children. When he was confronted with his attraction to men and the eventual realization that he was gay, he gave up, that dream of having a family and chose the route of gay singledom. As the times changed and he gained greater self acceptance he re-ignited his dream for a family and stared the journey toward parenthood.
Steve is the author of the book Determined to Be Dad which chronicles his trials and tribulations of self-discovery to acceptance to building a new reality and finally to the joys of creating his own family through adoption.
Steve is a leadership development coach and a diverstity and inclusion consultant. Check out his website here.
Get Steve's book here.
Facebook @stevedisselhorst.llc
Instagram @steve.disselhorst
Twitter @SteveDisselhors
LinkedIn
Barry Farmer is a Native of Richmond, Virginia. He grew up in Kinship Care with his grandmother from ages 5-18. For the last 15 years he's been devoted to working inside and outside the classroom with youth and their families. At age 20, Barry became a foster father with a local therapeutic agency to further help youth within his community. At age 22 he adopted his oldest son. Three years later, Barry's two younger sons were placed in his home, making him a proud father of three amazing young men. With these additions to his family, he closed his home after 7 years as an active foster parent. Today, as a single father, Barry is a Spokesman for Adopt Us Kids, Foster Care Adoption Advocate for children awaiting adoption, Speaker, Mentor, Host of The Barry Farmer Morning Show with Sharon Lizzy a Nationally Syndicated Radio Show based out of Richmond Virginia and The FosterCare & Adoption Life talk Web Series, as well as the Creator/Administrator of one of the largest online support group for Foster Care and Adoptive families. With his show, Barry enjoys connecting with various individuals from across the country, giving them a platform to share their stories and life’s work.
Follow Barry on social @iambarryfarmer
Website: https://www.barryfarmer.com/
Join Angela Flores, Juvenile Justice Worker, as she explores the intersections between juvenile justice and child protective services.
As a child who has experienced generational foster care, she offers services to children in her community and has a vision to attend law school, to further contribute to the justice system.
Both Alexis and Justin are proud foster care alumni as well as recent graduates, authors, and business owners.
They both join us this week to share their honenest and vulnerable story and to promote their book Re-Defining Normal.
After both spent time in fostercare they met in college and through a healing journey have developed a healthy relationship with eachother, getting married this year.
Together, they've created ROSE (Rising Over Societal
Expectations) Empowerment Group, a company structured to close the information gap for young adults as well as The Scholarship Expert where they support students to graduate debt-free while obtaining the skills needed to be successful. Now, they are releasing
Redefining Normal: How Two Foster Kids Beat The Odds and Discovered Healing, Happiness and Love to share their story of how they've had to redefine what love and healthy
relationships look like.
Get the book
https://www.re-definingnormal.com/
Follow them on IG @re.definingnormal
Follow them on FB @redefiningnormalmemoir
Marianne tells of her story of being an adoptee and how it shaped her childhood and early adulthood. She tells us that even though she was adopted at birth to extremely loving parents, that she still felt like she didn't belong, that something was wrong with her, that she wasn't wanted.
Her birth certificate says that her birth father denied paternity which left her wondering why? When she saught answers to that question by finding her birth father she was retraumatized as an adult. Listen into her story.
Follow Marianne on Instagram @coffeenchocolate42386
We, as a society, talk about adoption, adoption, adoption and often focus on the child's life after adoption, but what about the birth mom? Listen to Ashley Mitchell discuss her journey through an unwanted pregnancy to an eventual decision to find an adoptive family for her son.
She walks us through finding out she was pregnant, a trip to the abortion clinic, hiding her pregnancy for nearly 8 months, choosing a family for her son and then going home after the birth childless with a body ready to nurture a child.
Ashley chose life, but she didn't feel supported in that decision. How are we supporting the women who are choosing life? Well, she has developed a curriculum for adoption agencies to support birth moms across the nation. Check out her website at:
https://www.sitkneetoknee.com/
Follow her on instagram @bigtoughgirl
This week, as we prepare for Thanksgiving, we discuss how holidays can trigger foster and adopted children. Join us as we explore how not to impose our ideas, customs and traditions on others and instead choose to keep an open mind and implement their ideas into our realities.
Lauren Flynn from www.fosteradoptivemom.com joins us to wrap up our conversation from last week. This part of the conversation focuses on challenging anti-reunification culture and ensuring representation for transracial adoptees.
Follow Lauren on instagram @loflynnfam
This week Lauren Flynn from the blog www.fosteradoptivemom.com joins us to talk about fostering and adopting medically fragile children. She walks us through her journey and gives us her real perspective on how we view children with disabilities and how her expectations and views have changed since opening her doors to children with medical conditions.
Follow her on instagram @loflynnfam
In this week's episode Jenn Thatcher joins us to discuss how she chose to foster as a single parent. She shares her journey of fostering over eight children and eventually the decision to close her doors.
Follow Jen on Instagram @lovegodloveorphans
On this week's episode we dive into some sticky situations submitted by Stable Moments locations. Many people ask "how does the approach look in action?" Here are some practical trauma informed responses listeners can use when they are faced with sticky situations.
Jennifer Fairfax, Esq. gives us the low down on all the different types of adoption, the difference between open and closed adoptions and why adoptive parents choose which path.
Jennifer's life has intersected with the areas of adoption and family building since she was a teen. Her adult goddaughter is an international adoptee from Korea and her adult nephew is a domestic adoptee. She, herself, underwent fertility treatments to become a parent and has found assisting others in buidling their families through adoption and/or Assisted Reproduction Technology ("ART") rewarding. She has a compassion and vision for famlies unmatched by others in the area and limits her practice to these areas of the law to ensure she can provide the best service to her clients.
Jennifer is a Bethesda Magazine 2019 Top Adoption Attorney (see Bethesda Magazine Attorney Profile) and most recently spoke at the 2019 Florida Adoption Council Conference on ethical considerations when representing expectant parents and birth parents.
Check Jennifer out here:
www.jenniferfairfax.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jenniferfairfaxllc
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ParentingChoice
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/jennifer-fairfax-llc-family-formation-law-offices/?viewAsMember=true
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adoption_and_art_attorney/
In this week's episode Darren Fink from Transfiguring Adoption tells us about his own adoption journey of four children and how their family uses magical creatures and play to address sensory, attachment, emotional and behavioral challenges. His experience lead him to write a family book A Guide to Magical Creatures Around Your Home and to start Transfiguring Adoption where reviewers use a trauma informed lense to review books, movies and video games for certain trauma triggers and therapeutic discussion opportunities.
Transfiguring Adoption offers an online support group community through platforms such as Facebook Live and Zoom. During our Monday Caregiver Check-in shows, we strive to talk with professionals and experts in the foster care and adoption industry who can field questions asked by our viewers.
Viewers have mentioned that they appreciate being able to connect with other people and fight back fears of feeling alone. When questioned, viewers tend to say that they feel they are better parents after joining one of our live support groups. Right now they take place on Mondays at 6:30pm EST for about 30-45 min.
Please join the Facebook Page before you come to the show:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/662209997612930
In this episode I take some time to reflect on what we’ve learned in the first 35 episodes and reposition ourselves with a new vision for the podcast.
Listen in while I talk about a new vision to build an army of people that are interested and willing to take responsibility for our foster youth and who are supportive of foster and adoptive families. I want this to be a place where community members feel like they can make a difference, where they feel good enough to make that difference and believe that they can be a big deal in the life of a child.
In this episode Marcy gives her real and raw experience of being a foster parent. She breaks down the trials and triumphs to give us a look behind the curtain as a foster parent.
Marcy is a liscensed clinical therapist with focuses in animal-assisted therapy, play and art therapies, and attachment theory. Marcy has also completed her Stable Moments certification and is launching her program at her nonprofit Grey Muzzle Manor.
Grey Muzzle Manor Sanctuary, Inc. Website: www.greymuzzlemanor.org
Facebook: www.facebook.com/greymuzzlemanorfarm
Instagram: @grey_muzzle_manor
For information on other mental health services: www.therapywithmarcy.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/therapywithmarcy
Instagram: @therapywithmarcy
Instagram: @Emmett_thewonderdog
This week Dr. Melissa Sadin joins us to talk about the role of school in the foster care crisis and how creating trauma informed schools is really the first step to ending the foster care crisis. She gives us the roadmap to becoming trauma senstive and why we need to be proactive and not trauma responsive.
Dr. Sadin has served as a special education teacher, a gifted education teacher, and a building administrator. Most recently she served as a director of special education. Dr. Sadin has been vice-president of her local School Board and is recognized as a Master School Board Member. She has conducted research on the perceptions of teachers working to create trauma-informed classrooms. Dr. Sadin is a published author and has produced numerous webinars on children with attachment trauma in schools. Currently, Dr. Sadin works as an education consultant and developmental trauma expert providing professional development to school districts, municipal service providers and parents. Nationally, Dr. Sadin is a highly sought after keynote speaker and conference presenter. Her Trauma Guide Series of books are available on her website, www.traumasensitive.com.
Make sure to follow her:
www.traumasensitive.com -
https://www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org/conference/ - national conference
https://www.acesconnection.com/ - for ACEs and resilience surveys
Nsba4safeschools.org/safety-summit - National School Boards upcoming conference
@melissasadin - twitter
https://www.facebook.com/Traumasensitive- Facebook
Beth joins us this week to talk about what ambiguous loss is, and how it impacts foster and adopted children and their families. We both discuss the role grief plays in being trauma informed, and how often we breeze right over what a child has lost and jump right into our trauma responses.
We also discuss lifebooks and how critical they are to helping a child keep a documented timelime of their story and all its complexity.
Beth has a M.A. in Counseling Psychology from Eastern University, where she gained a rich understanding of psychological theory and the techniques that are most effective for creating positive change in the lives of others. She provides mental health counseling to children, adolescents, adults and families and she has published the childrens book A Grandfamily for Sullivan. Check out Beths website and blog at bethtyson.com.
Join Beth's Facebook Group: Emotiminds
Instagram: Beth Tyson_Trauma Care
Twitter: @author_tyson
LinkedIn: Beth Tyson
Tori shares her experience in foster care as a former foster youth, foster care advocate, & foster mom and how that fuels her ife’s passion to raise up & nurture her own family, as well as advocate for the restoration of family. She shares her life vulnerably with hopes to let her Abba Father be known & loved through stories, to offer hope to the hurting, & to serve people from all kinds of backgrounds.
Tori Petersen is a national speaker, writer, and advocate for the preservation of family, foster care and adoption. She is also a wife to Jacob, a mom to two littles, and a foster mom to one. After growing up in the foster care system, having lived in twelve different homes, and being adopted as an adult, Tori knew her calling was to communicate The Gospel through the light of adoption and the stories God has granted her. Tori has founded a scholarship alongside her husband at Hillsdale College for former foster youth and vulnerable populations. She's presented policy to White House Policy Staffers and works with various nonprofits. You can follow her on Instagram at @torihopepetersen and her website torihopepetersen.com
Kristine joins us in part two this week to tell us how her time in foster care has allowed her to help foster and adoptive parents help children feel safe. Her story is that of true resilience as she shares how her experience drove her to get a Social Work degree, become a foster mom and start working with humans and horses at The Ranch of Hope Reins.
The Ranch of Hope Reins is where Stable Moments is holding their certification training in October.
Follow them on facebook.
Kristine joins us this week to tell us part one of her harrowing story about her childhood, her mom's suicide, entering foster care and eventually aging out of foster care. She shares what was helpful and what wasn't. Her story is that of true resilience as she shares how her experience drove her to get a Social Work degree, become a foster mom and start working with humans and horses at The Ranch of Hope Reins.
The Ranch of Hope Reins is where Stable Moments is holding their certification training in October.
Follow them on facebook.
In this episode Rebecca Hubbard, LMFT gives us practical tools for when this work gets tough. She gives us suggested language to use, and sensory activities to encourage healing and regualtion. Whether you are a foster parent or just a parent, a mentor, or a program director, there is something for anyone interacting with kids in this episode.
Rebecca J. Hubbard is a master's level Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, children's book author and co-owner and co-founder of Global Equine Services For Professionals, LLC.
Follow her on facebook
Follow Pecan Creek on facebook
Karen Doyle Buckwalter joins us this week to finish our conversation about practical parenting interventions when our children are challenging. She also gives us a peek into her new book, Raising the Challenging Child.
She also has her own podcast Attachment Theory in Action
Karen Doyle Buckwalter, MSW, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and clinical social worker. She specializes in working with attachment and trauma issues in children and adults. She was the co-editor of the book Attachment Theory in Action and co-author of Raising the Challenging Child
Follow her on facebook
Karen Doyle Buckwalter joins us this week, and next, in a two part episode to give us some practical parenting interventions when our children are challenging. She also gives us a peek into her new book, Raising the Challenging Child.
She also has her own podcast Attachment Theory in Action
Karen Doyle Buckwalter, MSW, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and clinical social worker. She specializes in working with attachment and trauma issues in children and adults. She was the co-editor of the book Attachment Theory in Action and co-author of Raising the Challenging Child
Follow her on facebook
Too many kids age of foster care without a place to live, an education, a job, or even a drivers license. Pamela Bress, Founder of Ready for Life Brevard, shares her experience as an attorney fighting for basic needs for young adults aging out of foster care and how that drove her to start a wrap around program, to meet all needs of this population, so they can become healthy, self-sufficent adults.
Check out Ready for Life Brevard here.
Rebekah was adopted at birth to a white family, in an all white community. She talks to us about how it felt to be the only black girl, how it impacted her ability to develop a sense of identity and how it didn't prepare her for being Black in America.
Her perspective allows us to understand what matters to transracial adoptees and how we can be better inclusive of our childrens' cultures.
Follow her on social media @onlyblackgirl
Follow her blog
Dr. John Degarmo is the author of several foster care books, including the new book The Little Book of Foster Care Wisdom: 365 Days of Inspiration and Encouragement for Foster Care Families, the best selling book Faith and Foster Care, as well as the foster care children's book A Different Home: A New Foster Child's Story. He is the director of The Foster Care Institute, and acts as a consultant to foster care agencies and legal agencies across the USA.
On today's episode he discusses his journey fostering over 60 children and his work with the Foster Care Institute offering over 50 hours of training for foster parents.
He also has a facebook group with over 16k members. You can access that here.
Watch his Tedx Talk here
In this episode we sit down with Tonja Tristan Johnson who has adopted 7 children and fostered countless more. Her and her husband moved from a smaller suburban house with two cars to a farm house and a 12 passenger van.
She shares the importance of giving children a place to land. She tells her children they should never feel lucky to have been adopted. She instills in them that they deserve a forever home and that God loves them. Her life is dedicated to meeting her children's needs even if that means buying a cow and constant reminders to feed said cow.
She recently started a youtube channel that you can see below.
Check out Farm Mama of 8 on Youtube
In this episode join Dina Shale as she shares how her child trauma history inpired her to find healing through horses, and ultimately open The Way of the Horse to serve others.
She explains the benefits of equine therapy as opposed to talk therapy and how she doesn't focus on dredging the past back up and reliving trauma. Rather she equips people to stay attuned to the parts of us that are seeking healing and invites us to work with our inner child to heal those parts.
Check out her website here.
Join her facebook group here.
Erica Shubin is a mom of 5 chidren, three biological and two children from Ethiopia. When her black son and daughter wanted to ask neighbors about picking up some odd jobs to make extra cash, Erica hesitated to let them go, because she worried about how the world would respond to the color of their skin. Against her gut feeling she let them go, they were 9 and 11 and ended up with an officer at her door responding to a robbery in progress. This experience gave her perspective on just how pervasive racism is and how deeply it hurts lives.
On this weeks episode we speak with Bekah Bischoff, who always knew she wanted to adopt a child, and that calling was confirmed by complications with her second birth where she had a full hysterectomy.
Although it took her time to heal from her birth trauma, she and her husband slowly worked toward starting the foster to adopt process.
Bekah tells us what it is like to go through the process of fostering children you so desperately want to adopt.
She provides great insight on how to talk to your biological kids about fostering and adoption.
She shares the deep pain of not being able to adopt or keep fostering a child that has been placed in her home.
And she shares with us how scared she was that she wouldn't be able to love another child like she does her biological children, and how that fear was washed away the moment she held her foster son.
In this episode I interview my aunt who is a social worker who works in Department of Children and Families as someone who maintains and creates policy.
We dive into how policy works, what makes good policy and how children's and family's lives are better because of policy work.
In this episode I break down what post adoption services are, my mistakes, lessons learned and top pieces of advice from my experience.
In this episode I sit down with one of my most favorite people, my husband, who also was a police officer in Atlanta for 10 years who answered many 911 child welfare calls. He gives us a bit of a ride-along, while he shares how cops interact with child protective services and the courts to make sure children are safe.
I thought it was time we all had a mental health check due to these crazy times, then I realized foster families are always adjusting to a new normal. Kate Neligan is an equine-partnered life/career coach, writer, speaker, and healer who is devoted to the human-animal bond.
In this episode we focus on how to stay grounded, permission to live for ourselves and finding the opportunity in tough situations.
Follow Kate:
Website: https://www.consciousrockstar.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kateneliganequinecoach/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KateNeliganEquineCoach/
Facebook Group for Equine Professionals: https://www.facebook.com/groups/671582702877050/
LinkedIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kateneligan/
There is nothing more common among foster children than the feeling of having no choices and feeling like you've lost all control over your life. This feeling was magnified for Tony when he was put in a mental institution while in foster care.
Even if there aren't many choices, humans want to feel like they have some say over their care, their future, their life. Listen to Tony's story of how he overcame the foster care system and is a peer counselor for other foster youth today.
Follow Tony
IG: @tony_da_realest
Facebook: Anthony Turner
Twitter: Tony Da Realest
Website: https://anthony-turner.com/
On today's episode Paula tells us about her time in foster care, how being called a "foster kid" caused her to be bullied and the pain she went through being accused of her mother's murder.
Paula now trains foster parents on how they can make a difference in the lives of the foster kids they invite into their home. Paula was in 6 placements that didn't have much of an impact at all, and her 7th placement made all the difference in the world. She shares the small but such important details of parenting that Bonnie and Larry gave her to become the self sufficient, successful woman she is today.
Paula's Website
Paula's Book
This week we discuss the impact Corona Virus is having on foster youth and how we can help.
Foster youth who are attending colleges have no place to go now that they are shut down and no campus jobs to work at.
Foster homes are less likely to open their homes in a pandemic.
Social worker no longer need to put eye's on kids on their caseload and child abuse and neglect cases are skyrocketing in isolation.
We can help. Go to www.togetherwerise.org to join the fight.
Hey Y'all. The world is in a crazy place with this pandemic. This is me coming to you real and raw about the state of the world today, what you can do as a foster or adoptive parent or as someone who serves these families.
This week I chat with Shannon who was a victim of growing up abused by her mom's boyfriends. She dives into what it was like to be a victim of abuse and witness domestic violence in her home.
Shannon shares what the saving grace was for her and what helped her develop into the stable adult she is today. We also talk about how her brother faired different and wasn't able to recover much from his abuse and neglect.
Shannon gives our audience a look into how a child in an unstable environment wishes someone would have asked her directly about what was going on at home. She wanted to be seen, someone to notice and tell her it was not okay.
If you want to share your childhood trauma story with Shannon, you can email her at childhood resilientchildsolutions@gmail.com
I had the privilege of sitting down with Keia Jones Baldwin from Raising Cultures. She offers a safe space for foster and adoptive families to discuss race along with any other traditional parenting issues.
Take Aways:
- Start having tough conversations. Find a space where you can ask what you need to ask about tough issues like racism so we can work toward being a more understanding and unified community.
- Be Proud of who you are. It's not about all being the same, it's about honoring everyone's individuality and identity. People should be able to promote their heritage and ethnicity without people being offended. Stop taking someone else's self love as a personal attack on you. Just because someone promotes their identity doesn’t take anything away from your identity.
- Representation Matters. If you foster or adopt a child from a different race be prepared to make sure your kids see themselves in the world around them. Switch up your routine, child care, church family to better represent the family you now have.
- Love comes first. If you accept a child of a different race in your home, focus on loving them and building an attachment first! Take some time to have them acclimate to your family. Then be prepared to handle the racial issues that come up.
Check out Raising Cultures on Facebook!
Hear Kenisha Anthony's story of how the multiple ways the system failed her, inspired her to make change.
Kenisha is a first-generation college graduate, award-winning foster care advocate, and author. Known for being resilient and bold, she’s an outspoken activist utilizing her experiences to empower others. As a foster care visionary, she starred in the documentary, Foster Shock and has been featured on NPR and in the Miami Herald. Her eye-opening memoir, Labeled, is her debut.
She graduated from Florida International University with a master’s degree in Public Administration and Florida State University with a Bachelor of Social Work, and since she's been driving change. She has courageously taken her perspective as a foster kid and professional to show up to make the change I hope to see in the world.
On the podcast she talks about her journey, her book and her future plans to inform policy!
Today we sit down with Robyn Gobbel to discuss how parenting kids who have experienced trauma and kids who haven't the same. It doesn't matter if they are bio, foster or adopted, they all still need safety, securing and connection.
Here are some take aways.
The best thing we can do when triggered by our kid is to stop and assess what is going on with ourselves. Working on yourself will free you up to be more available for a child whether it is your child or just one you interact with.
Rather than focus on parenting a trauma kid or a biological kid, focus on knowing your individual child’s bar. What can you expect from them? What sends them over the edge? Where can you push them? And where do you need to accommodate them? These are pertinent questions to ask about any and all children.
Do you tend to be more structured or more nurturing. Understand how you tend to be naturally and understand where you can stand to be more nurturing or more structured. Nurture tends to be more easy for people so where can we build in more structure, boundaries while we make space for any emotions that come up so our children can feel safe and connected.
Visit Robyn on social @GobbelCounseling
Visits Robyns Site
In this episode hear from Melissa and Lisa from the Adoption Connection. The Adoption Connection provides post adoption resources and friends who understand. You will gain confidence in your parenting and hope for your family's future.
They offer hope, share wisdom, and mentor you foster and adoptive parents.
In this episode there are three major take aways:
-
Go Big or Go Home, but know when to go home
Foster and adoptive families typically go big or go home by accepting many, many children into their homes. It is okay to say no, or set boundaries for your family. If you have a current foster or adopted child, or if you have had one in your home in the past, you have ALREADY followed your calling. It's okay to focus on the family you have now, whatever that may look like. -
Peer to Peer support works!
It's difficult for or may not feel safe for parents to reach out to the agency for support when they fought so hard to get a child placed in their home. Real moms have a greater capacity for empathy and real life experiences that inform practical advice. -
Parents have to be helped first.
All the therapeutic, trauma-informed tools in the world aren't helpful, if the parent's needs aren't met. Parents need empathy and people to advocate for them before they are given or can be open to tools and teachings.
Lisa and her husband Russ are parents of twelve by birth and adoption (ages 11-31), and more through foster care. As a Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®) Practitioner, she walks alongside families with kids from “hard places.” Lisa also co-wrote the book The Connected Parent with Dr. Karyn Purvis being released this July. This will be Dr. Karyn Purvis' last published works.
Visit Lisa's Website
Pre-order The Connected Parent
Melissa and her husband Patrick are parents to six by both birth and adoption (ages 11-20). Our open door policy has blessed us with lots of honorary family members along the way. They are Empowered to Connect Parent Trainers, but we mess up more than we get it right.
Visit Melissa's Website
In this episode we talk to Jason and Amanda Palmer who are both foster and adoptive parents. They also have their own podcast Foster Care: An Unparalleled Journey.
Jason and Amanda Palmer have been together for the last 20 years. Altogether they have laid claim to 7 full-time children and fostered roughly 20 kids in their home. Right now, they have 4 and 6-year-old boys Turtle and Twitch, a 12-year-old daughter Jahnyia, and 14 and 19-year-old boys Desean and Austin. Our 21-year-old son CJ is married and our daughter Arissa would have been 23 this year. Amanda has worked with older ladies with mental and physical disabilities for the last few years. Jason is a local truck driver and a hobbyist blacksmith who has been seen on the History Channel’s TV series Forged in Fire.
Together they were interested in looking into adoption at one point and found foster care to be the route they were meant to take. The first sibling group of foster kids ended up being their first 2 adoptions and eventually 2 more kids were added to their family.
They have been involved in foster care and adoption for the last decade but took a few years off when their oldest daughter died from a disease known as HLH. They have just reopened their foster license and are ready for the next chapter of life.
Melissa came into care as mental illness and substance abuse rendered her biological parents unable to care for her properly. She was in 3 foster homes in 2 years until she was adopted at four years old. She recalls what it was like to be in care and how being adopted has impacted her life.
She tells the complicated story of trying to build a relationship with her biological father and the heartbreaking story of finally finding her biological mother.
Melisa lives in a suburb of Atlanta, with her husband and two children. She is an infertility nurse, which she also talks about. It was interesting for her to see people spend tens of thousands of dollars on infertility when she knew kids like her were available.
We also talk about the struggles of motherhood in general and how difficult the journey can be when we try to live up to the "social media" standard.
In this episode we sit down with Judge Ashley Willcott to learn about how the courts play a role in child welfare. Ashley has a heart for children in Foster Care and has spent her career fighting for their well being. Ashley Willcott is a Certified Child Welfare Law Specialist and an experienced trial attorney. She has practiced in various capacities in juvenile courts since 1992 including as a parents attorney; guardian ad litem; a Special Assistant Attorney General representing the Department of Human Resources, Division of Family and Children Services; and currently as a Juvenile Court Judge Pro Tem. She is a 1989 graduate of Newcomb College, Tulane University with a degree in Psychology and English, earning a Juris Doctorate from Emory University School of Law in 1992. She has also worked in the government sector as the on-going and current Georgia Supreme Court Justice on Committee for Children Cold Case Project lead; and as a Governor Appointee Child Advocate for the State of Georgia.
Ashley has her own child welfare consulting firm, where she serves as an anchor on Court TV and as a legal analyst on many media outlets She is a highly sought after guest lecturer and speaker for numerous organizations and universities, dedicating herself to raising public awareness and tirelessly advocating for children.
Follow her on Linked In
In this episode I speak with Nicole Hartman an amazing adoptive and foster parent who has a unique perspective on how important loving on and supporting biological parents is.
She has fostered 19 children and talks about the real obstacles and also how rewarding fostering has been.
After losing three babies of her own, she started a nonprofit All Embrace, to support families who suffered a loss during pregnancy. It was her own infertitlity journey that lead her to adopt and then foster. She brings us through three losses, three failed adoptions, finally adopting her baby girl and the 19 foster children who have been in her home.
Nicole believes that the way to end the foster care crisis is getting the right people at the table. People who create policies and laws rarely, if ever, have been personally involved in the foster system and that shouldn't happen.
Trauma and trauma-informed are buzzwords and depending the context you hear them in they can mean different things. In relation to this podcast trauma refers to developmental trauma. That means trauma that happened during core years of development, usually en utero through 8 years of age. In this episode we discuss the impact of trauma on human development and explore some trauma-informed approaches we can take while interacting with kids who are in foster care or have been adopted.
This is non-clinical and meant for the everyday person. Hopefully this helps you understand these children more, while giving you some practical tools to use when you engage with children surviving with trauma.
Don't forget to subscribe and follow us on social!
In this episode we talk about what lead me to start the Stable Moments program and it's very rocky beginnings.
After suffering trauma as an adolescent I was on a path of destruction. Horses saved me and inspired me to learn about natural horsemanship. Later I became a social worker, to help unseen people like me. The only job hiring was a post-adoption case manager, and I got the job. I learned about kids with trauma and was blown away by the correlations between natural horsemanship and therapeutic techniques to approach children with trauma. Thus Stable Moments was born, but not without some mayhem and drama. We live and we learn!
Get the book
In this episode we’ll be discussing my take on how we end the foster care crisis and how that ties into why I started Stable Moments. With the possibilities on the horizon of Stable Moments serving more and more children, I have recently decided to more boldy state our why, and that is ending the foster care crisis. Good efforts are always nice, but to what end? By making this statement, people realize, although our program is based on one on one mentorship, this work is directly related to changing the needs of our society. Creating the opportunity for children to make healthy transitions into adulthood means incarceration numbers go down. Homelessness numbers go down. Drug abuse, early pregnancy, and the number of children entering care is reduced. We can change big systems, but it is going to take truly understanding all involved, innovation and community. This is a big lift and its all of our responsibility. These children don't just go to the state. “The state” is us. It’s time we step up.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Youtube all @StableMoments
Stable Moments is starting a podcast! Stable Moments develops life skills in foster and adopted children through community mentorship. With nearly 500,000 children in foster care in the US, we have a foster care crisis, and I have some strong ideas about how we end this crisis. The Stable Moments podcast will be a place that unites all players involved and people affected by the foster care system, so we can work together to end the foster care crisis. We already know that children in foster care are at high risk to fall victims to addiction, early pregnancy, incarceration and unfortunately their kids entering the foster care system. This podcast will be a place to learn from all involved. We'll discuss the tough issues and break down barriers so together we can play an active role in the lives of these children. I hope you’ll join me.
We will be launching on Jan. 15 and you can tune in wherever you listen to podcasts. Make sure to subscribe, like and follow on social media. We’re on Facebook, IG, Twitter, and Youtube all with the Stable Moments handle.