Sandi Mann helps us confront one of our deepest fears in conversation: am I boring?! And its twin, what to do when someone is boring us!
I suppose I began wondering about boredom years ago when I started wondering about leisure and free time: that is, what do we do when we have nothing TO do? And this kind of open freedom to choose, to think, to question is actually not boring at all. Today, our time is crammed with attention-grabbing devices and we are still bored. So what is it that makes us bored?
Like you, I'm sure, I have been bored and sometimes Ive been caught in conversation with someone one might *call* a bore. But the more I have studied this phenomenon, the more I got pulled in to learn more. My first guest this season Haesun Moon awakened me to the fact that we cant always be right in reading someone`s cues of boredom... sometimes a yawn is just a yawn. And my next guest, Nick Epley echoed Haesun in that the most accurate way to find out how someone else feels about your conversation is to ask them. Which may not always be that easy to do when you are talking about boredom! Sandi Mann fills in the gap on this topic because she has done much of that leg work in her research, directly asking people what makes them bored in conversation.
She leads us through just what kind of emotion boredom is, and why it is so rightly dreaded, in conversation at least, both as speaker and as listener. We discuss which characteristics top the charts in making conversation boring... some may seem obvious, like not having an engaging tone, some counterintuitive, like not allowing interruptions, or repeating topics, even urgent ones like climate change. I'll let you listen to her to find out more!
What is cool about Sandi`s take here goes beyond learning how we as speakers may avoid be boring ourselves, to why we instinctively want to do so! She also helps us discover how we, as listeners, may still find meaning in these sometimes-trying moments and ultimately open ourselves to gratitude for a variety of relationships.
Sandi Mann is the Director of The Mind Training Clinic in Manchester, Senior Psychology Lecturer at the University of Central Lancashire, and author. Her latest book is The Science of Boredom.
Sandi recommends… when not in conversation letting your mind wander, whether losing yourself in swimming or creating art, such as adult colouring or the simple but joyful works of deco patch.
Thanks to the VCTA for their suppport for this episode.
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