The Adventures of Brian Hovis

'He will fail.... A proper English tw*t who drives people to the edge of reason at every turn... Unlikeable, long-winded, a waste of space'. Lady Hovis (Brian's Mother), before her Kidnapping.

'She's orrible, yet ee's gonna try and save her!  Ees got a heart of gold that lad.... His mum's bein held ransom by The Downton Knappers, coz they think ees rich coz we live in this big house.  But ee got nothin.  House crumblin, land worthless, (Bernard the butler and I just live here for the free potatoes).  Now Brian's gonna risk life and limb to try and raise her ransom, probably coz I showed him too much Indiana Jones as a kid. You put Brian down a mile-deep well, ee'l start climbing. Although his upper body stregth is very very poor'. Alf the Gardener, just now.

'If he can find her twin sister, Aunt Hester, retired treasure seeker and international criminal, he might have a chance... If he can't find her, he'll die dramatically.  And soon I'd think'.  Bernard the Butler.

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